#i don’t really like the font here. but whatever

[sammygender]

“Everything you have ever done, you have done for love.”

dean winchester | “love love love”, by the mountain goats

[deltaruminations]

i wish i could properly articulate my brainworms about dess and wingdings deltarune having been peers and friends and why i think the idea is fascinating but i just keep getting overwhelmed by the sheer Possibilities and Implications and tripping over myself about it. i’m just. oooouuuuggghhhh ooobh girl ness & teen giygas. non-diegetically ascribed enemies who defy their “purpose” and become friends instead because from their perspective they’re just Normal Kids who complement each other well. and yet they end up fulfilling their fated roles of opposition anyway in spite of or maybe partly because of their care for each other. and maybe they continue to be cosmically at odds well into the timeline of DR the game but the nature of their roles is shifted and jumbled by context or extraplanar shenanigans and/or obfuscated and skewed by narrative manipulation on the part of someone trying desperately to prove to himself that he isn’t doomed to be a villain but is still approaching the problem as if he is one

here’s a thought: at least one of them possibly gains enough metanarrative awareness at SOME point via SOME means (shadow crystal? shattering? word from a FRIEND?) to figure out he’s villain-coded and probably destined to (according to the logic of a video game) hurt and/or murder his best friend over and over until she finally succeeds in killing him. how far would he go to keep that from happening? would he, again, do Villain Shit? would he remove his friend from the game, leaving her in some kind of stasis outside the narrative, to keep her (and, of course, himself) “safe”? would he remove himself from the narrative, so she and the world are safe from him, then task others with picking up the pieces he left behind? what if the narrative needs a hero and a villain — what happens when one or both are missing? will the universe attempt to self-correct, and if so, how?

[sceletaflores]

ghosts, ghouls, goblins, and other things that go bump in the night!

pair: logan howlett x fem!reader

wc: 4.5k

contains: 18+ SMUT MDNI, swearing, drinking, resident bestie diva wade wilson, matching costumes ofc, established relationship, p in v, semi-public sex (bathroom), rough sex, mirror sex, gratuitous amounts of dirty talk, light degradation, light hair pulling, light choking, nasty dirty breeding kink (@guiltyasdave infected me with the breeding kink disease...it's all her fault), 4k words for straight up porn w/o plot, no use of y/n.

nat’s note: happy halloween! sort of...i obvi couldn't wait to post this until the actual day cause i have absolutely zero patience so here you go! i thought up this idea in the middle of the night and literally got out of bed to start it. it's a nasty self indulgent mess...hope you love it! kisses <3

cutie divider by icon @saradika-graphics!

you and logan have some fun at wade's halloween party...

Unsurprising to no one, Wade Wilson knows how to throw a party. 

Every year since the two of you became neighbors, you’ve gotten a gaudy invitation decorated with cartoon bats and devils slipped under your door just in time for Halloween.

Of course, it’s always in some cheesy font, red and glittery. A crappy pun about “scaring up some fun with your favorite mercenary” with a return address listed as ‘Hell’s Playground’ inscribed on the front.

It's awful. You haven’t missed one yet.

And not just because you’re a sucker for free booze and cheap decorations. It’s like tradition now, you can't have your perfect attendance streak cut off four years in. That's just bad manners.

Besides, this is the first year you’ve gotten to do a couples costume.

“I look fuckin’ ridiculous,” Logan mutters, deep voice laced with irritation as he messes with the wolf ears perched awkwardly on his head. “Can’t believe I let you drag me to this thing.”

You don’t turn to face him, but you can still see the frown tugging his lips down in your mind. Logan’s never been one for costumes, but his options were either dress up or stay home while you went and had fun without him.

He was dead set on staying at home for most of the day.

One look at the frilly white bloomers that came with your costume and he changed his tune.

“Quit being such a baby,” you toss over your shoulder, pouring your second cup of whatever Wade mixed together in the mini cauldron sitting on his bar. “You look great, babe.”

He really shouldn’t complain, his costume is barely a costume. An old flannel with the sleeves ripped off and some mangy jeans.

The fake ears and tail were a struggle and a half to get him on board with, but Logan’s all bark and no bite. He was more than willing to roll over and show you his belly after enough begging.

Logan scoffs, big hand pawing at your hip to drag you to his side. “You owe me for this,” he rumbles low in your ear, the playful threat sending a shiver down your spine.

“You’ll survive,” you tease, a smug grin spreading across your face as you tug playfully on the tail clipped to his belt loop. “Unless you wanted to switch?”

Logan’s eyes drag over your body shamelessly, all the way from the floppy sheep ears sitting on your head to the lacy white corset and matching bloomers that do little to hide your curves. 

You don’t miss the way his eyes darken, how he runs his tongue along the sharp point of his canines like he wants to sink his teeth into you.

It sends a familiar heat coursing through your veins, warming your insides just as much as the vodka with a hint of mixer you’ve been sipping at.

You start to wish you shelled out for the fake fangs at the party store.

Logan tugs you closer, his lips curling into a slow, predatory smirk. “Not a chance in hell,” he rasps, voice dipping a couple octaves lower. “Looks better on you, baby.”

You hum idly as his arm snakes around your waist, fingers splayed along your lower back, inching dangerously close to the swell of your ass.

“You better behave,” you chastise, though it’s more playful than stern as you look up at him through your lashes. “We’re in public.”

Logan’s grip tightens, a soft grunt leaving him as he leans in, nosing along the side of your face. “Doesn’t seem like much of a party when all I’m thinkin’ about is how fast I can get you outta this damn costume.”

Blood rushes to your cheeks, the warm puff of his breath over your skin makes your knees feel weak. You try to keep your cool, but it’s hard when he’s practically radiating heat and that intoxicating scent of leather and pine fills your senses. 

Before you can respond, a loud call of your name grabs your attention. 

"There you are!" Wade shouts from across the room, already making his way towards you.

All six foot two and half inches of him is wrapped in blue and white lace, paired with a matching hoop skirt that bounces with every step he takes. His shepherd's staff thuds against the floor when he comes to a stop in front of you. “Fashionably late, I see.”

“We’ve been here for thirty minutes,” you point out, brow cocked as you take in his costume. “Where’ve you been?”

“I’m the hostess with the mostest, honey bunny,” he says, throwing his arm out to gesture towards all the dressed up guests crammed into his living room. “Can’t spread myself too thin.”

He eyes Logan's wolf ears and fake tail, then turns back to you, wiggling his brows suggestively. 

"Kinky,” he comments, flicking the little gold bell hanging from the choker around your neck. “You two just couldn’t resist a little predator-prey roleplay, huh? Should I be worried about you getting all ‘Animal Planet’ on my couch?”

Logan’s grip on your waist tightens, his mouth brushing your ear as he mutters, “I’m gonna kill him before midnight.”

“Now, now, big bad wolf, no need to huff and puff and blow my skirt up. We’re all here to have a howl of a time!” Wade continues, undeterred. “Plus, if you behave, I might just let you keep your sheep when the night’s over.”

You can practically feel Logan’s eye twitch, but you snicker, leaning into him just a little more. “Play nice, Wade,” you say, trying to smother your laugh. “The wolf might eat you first.”

“Please,’ Wade snorts, twirling his shepherd's staff deftly in his hand. “If that’s on the table, I’ll lay out the fucking fine china.”

Logan lets out a huff of air, dropping his hold on you and brushing past Wade with a grunt. "I'm gettin' another beer."

“Try not to stab anyone!” Wade shouts after him, loud enough to be heard over the Monster Mash blaring from the speakers. “Al might blow the whole complex if any more blood gets on the linoleum!”

Logan throws a middle finger over his shoulder as he disappears into the kitchen. 

You watch him go, a grin plastered to your face at the way the tail swings with every step he takes. Something warm and fuzzy settles in your chest, blooming in the empty space of your ribcage.

You know Logan hates this–the people, the lights, the music, the costumes.

But he’s here anyway, for you.

Here wearing the stupid wolf costume you bought for him, surrounded by drunk people in inflatable dinosaur costumes and witches with dollar-store broomsticks. And despite all the grumbling, he hasn’t bolted for the door once.

All for you. And that makes your heart thump a little harder in your chest, your smirk softening into something sweeter.

"You’ve got him whipped," Wade deadpans, crossing his arms, the lace of his sleeves rustling as he does. “It’s really disgusting.”

You snort, shaking your head softly. "More like he's got a soft spot."

Wade eyes you skeptically. "Same thing, toots."

You hum noncommittally, turning back to him. “Cute outfit,” you comment, eyeing the white bonnet secured by a neat little bow under his chin.

“You like it?” Wade does a quick twirl, the blonde curls of his wig nearly slap you across the face as he does. “The guy at party city kept giving me weird looks, but I think he was just jealous of how well I fill in the blouse.”

You rake your gaze over him slowly, taking another slow sip from your cup. “The stockings are a nice touch, but don’t you think running around as Little Bo Peep will send some confusing messages.”

“Well, duh. That’s only the whole point, Sherlock.” Wade snorts, shaking his head like it’s obvious. “I’m way too emotionally invested in this relationship to not try and wiggle my way into throuple territory.”

You can’t help but laugh, rolling your eyes. “A throuple? Hate to break it to you, Peep, but Logan doesn’t really strike me as the sharing type.”

Wade leans in conspiratorially, cupping a hand around his mouth like he’s letting you in on a secret. “That’s why I’m playing the long game. Gotta wear him down with my irresistible charm, and when he finally snaps, I’ll swoop in with a bottle of Jack and a promise of no strings attached.”

You shake your head, chuckling into your drink. “You’ve got it all figured out, don't you?”

“Oh, honey,” Wade purrs, winking at you with a dramatic flutter of his lashes, “I've got a five-year plan.”

You roll your head to the side lazily, sheep ears swaying as you do. “I’ll give you points for persistence.”

"Damn straight," he says with a grin, straightening his bonnet proudly. “This level of commitment takes stamina. And by the way, I’ve got great stamina. My record is thirteen.”

You raise your brow, intrigued. “Thirteen what? Rounds? Hours?”

“Wouldn't you like to know,” he scoffs indignantly, rolling his eyes. “I’m more than just a pretty face in a killer dress, thank you very much.”

You groan, giving him a light push. "You’re impossible."

Wade grins, leaning closer to throw an arm around your shoulders. “I’m just pulling your tail, Wooly. You know I’d never come between you and your beefy boy toy. I mean, look at him. He’s practically pacing the kitchen like a caged animal just looking at you in your slutty nursery rhyme getup. How pathetic.”

You turn to steal a glance at Logan, who’s leaned against the counter scanning the room from behind his beer bottle. You feel a thrill at the idea that he’s watching over you like a hawk, making sure no one gets too close, slowly working himself up over the mere sight of you. 

But more than that, it’s the slight reluctant smirk tugging at his lips as he takes in the party. You can tell he’s managing to find some enjoyment in all this, even if he’d never admit it.

“Well,” Wade starts, dragging the word out slowly. “Since you’re all cozy over here with your alpha male, I’m gonna go find someone to share these…”

He holds up two shot glasses filled with some unidentifiable neon liquid, “…artisanal beverages with. Maybe that guy dressed like a merman. I’ve always wanted to see what's going on under those tails.”

You snort, raising your own cup to your lips. "You're awful."

“Only on the outside, sugar,” he says leaning down to kiss your cheek with a wet smack before flouncing away into the crowd, his skirt swishing as he goes. “Don’t fuck in my house without at least inviting me to watch!”

You laugh to yourself, watching as Wade fades into the crowd of gyrating bodies. You take another long sip, relishing in the familiar burn as it slips down your throat.

The laughter, the music, the chaotic energy of the party—it’s all intoxicating in its own right, but it’s nothing compared to the way Logan’s eyes are boring a hole through the back of your head.

You can feel his gaze like a tangible force, wrapping around you and drawing you in. Logan’s not just watching; he’s assessing, hungry for something that goes far beyond the Halloween festivities surrounding you.

The heat radiating from his gaze only intensifies your already buzzing anticipation, mixing dangerously with the two drinks swirling in your stomach, making you bolder.

You throw back the rest of your drink, setting the empty cup on the bar and making your way across the room. You weave through the crowd seamlessly, the music pulses around you, drowning out the laughter and chatter.

You feel a daring grin spread across your face as you saunter closer, reveling in the way Logan tracks your every move like a predator zeroing in on its prey. 

When you’re finally standing in front of him, you lean against the counter, giving him a good view of the way your corset dips lower. The fabric hugs you in all the right places, teasing him with glimpses of your skin beneath the delicate lace. 

"Looks like Little Bo Peep lost his sheep," he mutters, voice like gravel drenched in honey.

You smirk, tilting your head to the side innocently as you step around the counter. “Maybe I was already planning to run away, to go looking for a big bad wolf to play with.”

You slip two fingers through the belt loop at the front of his jeans, tugging him closer with a rough yank.

Logan’s goes willingly, taking a step closer. His breath hitches as he does, the hazel of his eyes darkening as you press your body against his, not letting an inch of space between you.

“You're really pushin it,” he warns lowly, hands finding your waist, fingers digging in hard enough to send a shiver cascading down your spine. "Makin’ me watch you run around in this fuckin’ thing.”

“Am I?” you reply coyly, fingers toying with the button of his jeans. “I’m just—” you start, but the words are swallowed by the thumping bass of the music as Logan’s lips crash against yours, silencing you with a hungry kiss.

His mouth moves against yours with a fervor that leaves you breathless, and you can’t help but melt into him, feeling the world around you fade away.

The taste of beer mingles with the vodka on your tongue as you sink into the kiss, his hands tightening around you as he pulls you even closer.

“You have no fuckin’ idea how hard it is keepin’ my hands to myself,” he murmurs against your lips, his breath hot and heavy. 

“Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea,” you tease, biting your lip as you pull back just enough to meet his gaze. You can see the fire smoldering in his eyes, the predatory glint that makes your stomach flutter with excitement. “But maybe you could show me just how hard it really is.”

Logan lets out a low growl, and before you can blink, he’s snatching your wrist up and dragging you through the kitchen. 

Laughter bubbles out from your chest as you trip over your own feet in an attempt to keep up with him. Adrenaline pulses through your veins, the warmth in your stomach dipping lower to leak sticky and wet between your thighs.

He’s not rushing, but there’s an undeniable urgency in his step, a raw need that makes your pulse race in sync with his heavy stride. Weaving you through the crowd and out into the hallway until the noise of the party gets lower and lower. 

You’re familiar enough with the layout of Wade’s place to know where Logan’s taking you, the bathroom.

The door is hardly shut before Logan’s spinning you around and crowding you against the sink. His lips are on you before you can even catch your breath, rough and possessive, as if he’s been starving for this all night. 

The kiss is rougher than before, dirty and all consuming as he claims your mouth. A mess of teeth and tongue and spit that sends your head spinning, body arching off the counter and into his instinctively. 

“Fuck, you taste so good,” he growls, trailing his lips down your neck, kissing and biting his way to your collarbone. “Drivin’ me so crazy, baby.”

You bite your lip, eyes fluttering shut for a moment as his calloused fingers trace over the swell of your breasts, kneading the soft flesh with a possessive grip that makes your breath hitch. 

Your arms circle his neck, dragging him down for more filthy kisses. The thick length of his cock pressing against your stomach insistently has you keening, a hard plane of scalding warmth even through the thick material of his jeans.

You let out a soft whimper as his fingers brush against your inner thigh, and he grins at your reaction.

He leans in, his breath hot against your ear. "Bet you’re already soaked for me, aren’t you?" His voice drops even lower, a filthy rasp that sends a jolt of heat straight to your core.

You don’t answer, can’t answer, because Logan’s already got his hand between your thighs, fingers teasing over the soft fabric of your bloomers.

His touch is feather-light, but it’s enough to have you gasping, head lolling back to expose even more of your neck to his fever hot lips.

He groans when he feels how soaked you are, his breath coming out in a rough exhale.

“Figures,” he grunts, his fingers pressing harder, rubbing slow circles over the slick fabric. “Could smell it on you from across the room. You’re fuckin’ drippin’ for me, baby.”

You whine, high in the back of your throat, chest heaving with every quick breath. Your legs spread, thighs widening like you can’t help it. His words send a wave of heat straight to your core, fanning the fire of need festering inside you. 

“Next year we’ll get you in a skirt,” he says, nipping at your bottom lip teasingly. His fingers slip under your bloomers, running through your slick folds teasingly. “Easy access.”

You let out a breathless moan, your hips bucking against his hand, begging for more.

“Logan,” you whimper, but he just smirks, applying more pressure with his palm as he leans in closer, his mouth hovering over your ear.

“You like that, don’t you?” Logan rasps, his voice thick with desire. Dark tone laced with satisfaction as he dips one finger inside you, making your breath catch in your throat. “Look at you, drippin’ down my hand. You want more, don’t you?”

“Yes,” you nod frantically, your breath coming in shallow pants as he continues working you with skilled, relentless touches.

Two thick fingers plunged in your aching pussy, his thumb rubbing over your swollen clit. "Please," you whimper, gripping the edge of the sink so tight your knuckles turn with it, needing more, needing him to ruin you. 

“Please what, honey?” he rasps, leaning in to press a sweet kiss to the corner of your mouth. “You gotta be more specific.”

You grind against his hand faster, desperate for any kind of relief from the unbearable heat building between your legs. “I need you,” you breathe out, your voice trembling. “Need you to fuck me.”

Logan’s response is immediate. A low growl tearing its way from his throat as he gives your bottoms a rough tug, letting them fall down the length of your legs to pool at your ankles.

He slips his fingers out of you, ignoring your displeased whine and spinning you around to face the mirror, hands gripping your hips as he roughly bends you over the sink.

You find his eyes in the reflection, and the hunger there makes your pulse quicken. His lips are swollen, red and slick just like your own. Hazel eyes blown out and stormy, as he meets your gaze.

The fake whiskers and nose you drew on him before the party using an old eyeliner pen are smudged across the lower half of his face along with the red remnants of your lipstick. You have matching black marks scuffed along your cheeks.

"You’re gonna watch while I fuck you," he growls, popping the button of his jeans and pulling them down just enough to free his cock. He strokes himself once, twice, before lining up behind you, dragging the blunt head along your soaked entrance. "Don’t take your eyes off the mirror, baby. I want you to see what you do to me, what I get to see every fuckin’ time."

You nod breathlessly, eyes locked on his in the mirror as he pushes into you with one hard thrust. You gasp at the stretch, head falling to your chin at the pleasant burn of his cock.

"Fuck," Logan groans, his eyes glued to your reflection as he bottoms out inside you, the sheer size of him making your body tremble.

"Tight little fuckin’ pussy," he mutters, his grip on your hips tightening as he starts to move, setting a brutal, unrelenting pace. "You were made for this, weren’t you? Made to take my cock."

You can’t stop the moans that fall from your slack lips, pathetic little uh uh uh sounds that get punched out of you with every sharp thrust of his hips.

“Take me so fuckin’ well,” he growls, one hand coming up to grip around your throat, tugging meanly at the bell of your choker that rings as he pounds into you, each thrust harder than the last. “Such a good little sheep, lettin’ your mean old wolf fuck you like this.”

 "Fuck," you moan, the sound broken and desperate as he drives deeper, the thick length of him hitting that spot that has your knees buckling beneath you. “God, Logan…”

“Look,” Logan commands softly, reverently. His lips brushing your shoulder with every word as he tilts your head back up to the mirror, making yourself watch as you take his cock. “Look at how fuckin’ pretty you are getting wrecked on my cock.”

Your reflection in the mirror is a mess—flushed cheeks, eyes glassy with lust, your lips parted in a constant stream of breathless moans. You feel embarrassment mixing with the arousal swirling through your stomach, thighs shaking wildly from the onslaught of pleasure.

The loud slap of skin on skin rings through the tiny bathroom, underscored by the wet gush of your pussy around him each time he buries himself in you.

If anyone were to walk by, they’d surely hear it. They’d know someone was getting fucked, really taking it. The thought alone has you tightening around Logan’s cock, velvety walls clenching around him desperately. 

Logan notices, because of course he does, clever eyes picking up on the way your own drift to the door, lingering.

He threads his fingers through your hair, meanly yanking your head back to the mirror, a feral grin stretching across his face as he watches the way you fall apart for him. 

“Want me to howl for you, baby?” he teases, breath hot against the shell of your ear. You can feel the way his lips curve into an evil grin at the pathetic whine that bursts from your lips, at the feel of your pussy drooling around him even more than before.  

“She likes that, huh?” he chuckles darkly, his thumb finds your throbbing clit, rubbing tight circles as his hips speed up impossibly faster. “Dirty fuckin’ girl, you want everyone to know how good I’m givin’ it to you?”

You whimper, overwhelmed by the raw intensity of his words and the rhythm of his thrusts. Your thighs are trembling, barely able to hold you up as Logan takes you apart, piece by piece, with every deep, punishing stroke.

"Answer me," he growls, voice dripping with dominance as his hips snap against you, the head of his cock slamming into that perfect spot inside you again and again. "You want everyone to hear what a dirty little slut you are for me, huh? You want them to know how much you love being fucked like this?"

“Yes,” you gasp, your voice shaky and breathless as pleasure floods your system. "Yes, Logan, fuck—ah! Just—just don’t stop."

Logan growls, low and feral deep in his chest. It shakes through your body, rattling your bones just as much as the heavy smack of his metal laced pelvis against the raw skin of your ass.

“Greedy fuckin’ pussy, I can feel the way she’s sucking me in, baby,” he grits out, hips stuttering slightly. “She want my come, darlin’?"

You’re a mess of gasps and whimpers, nodding frantically as his words push you closer to the edge. Throwing your hips back to meet his thrusts as the spring inside you coils tighter and tighter, a hair's breadth away from snapping.

"Yes, please, Logan," you moan, your fingers digging into the counter as you brace yourself for the relentless onslaught of his cock. "I want it, want you to come inside me." 

Logan’s hips stutter as he slams into you, his cock buried so deep inside you it feels like he’s splitting you in half. He’s close, his breath coming out in ragged pants as his hand tightens around your throat, fingers pressing against your pulse just hard enough to make you dizzy.

“You’re gonna come for me,” he growls, heavy balls slapping against your ass lewdly. “Gonna come all over my cock, aren’t you? And then I’m gonna fill you up. Gonna fuck my come so deep inside you, you’ll be beggin’ me to give you more.”

That’s all it takes for the coil in your belly to snap, pleasure surging through you in hot, uncontrollable waves. You cry out, your vision blurring as your body clenches around him, and Logan lets out a rough growl, driving into you harder, faster. 

He doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow, dragging out every last second of your orgasm until you’re shaking, your voice hoarse from how loud you’re moaning.

“Goddamn, baby,” he mutters, his voice thick with lust as he keeps fucking into your trembling body. “You’re squeezin’ me so fuckin’ tight—gonna come so deep in you.”

Your breath is coming in short, desperate gasps, your entire body still shaking from the aftershocks of your orgasm. But Logan isn’t finished. He used the fistful of your hair still trapped in his hand, tugging your head back to meet his wild gaze in the mirror. 

“Eyes on me,” he commands, his pace growing erratic. “You want me to fill you up? Want me to come in this tight little pussy?”

“Yes, Logan,” you manage to choke out, your voice barely a whisper. “Please—I need it.”

With a deep, broken groan of your name, Logan slams into you one last time, his hips stuttering as he spills inside you, hot and thick. His fingers tighten on your throat, and you moan at the feeling of his cock pulsing, filling you up to the brim. 

You can’t stop the whine that falls from your lips at the feel of his come spraying your insides, completely drenching you with it. So much that it just has to take.

A shudder runs through you at the idea, pussy clenching around his spent cock weakly.

Logan sighs contently, dropping his head to rest on your shoulder as he catches his breath, hands falling to your waist like it's the only anchor keeping him from floating away entirely.

For a moment, the only sounds in the room are your ragged breaths and the faint thump of the music outside bleeding through the walls.

Logan tips his head back up, meeting your hazy eyes in the fogged up glass of the mirror with a shit-eating grin. “Happy fuckin’ Halloween,” he says smugly, dropping a kiss to the sweaty skin of your shoulder. 

You huff, rolling your eyes with a reluctant fondness. The thought of walking back out there makes your stomach turn, nerves and arousal churning together at the chance that everyone knows what you two were doing after disappearing for so long.

You only hope the white fabric of your bloomers is good enough at hiding the come already leaking from your pussy.

tags are now in the comments! if you want to get tagged for any of my works just fill out this form!

[shmaba]

I’m going to assume that at this point you’ve all seen Critical Role’s new show Candela Obscura and at least skimmed through the Quickstart Guide (you have done all that riiiight??) So I wanted to compile all the things I’ve done that have been shown so far. Its long so read below the line!

I’m going to try to avoid spoilers. So feel free to read without worry. I’m also going to try and avoid breaking any NDA like a good professional. So I will not be doing some deep dive behind the scenes thing. Only visuals that have already been publicly shared are going to be on here

The very first thing I did on this show was the concepts for the main set. Everything is practical. Nothing is green screen or cg or whatever. Some people think it’s just good cg but nope that's all real. You could touch it! (don’t touch it, there are ghosts)

There were multiple iterations on the design, each with their own vibe and statement piece. CR narrowed it down to what you see in the show: a sort of storage hall with an odd clock contraption behind the GM. I think I called this design version the “Abyssal Hall” or something like that (I gave the different versions names to better keep track of which design was being discussed)

The company Flip This Bitch built the physical set. They turned my silly little art into a real thing. So they did all the actual magic of making this set come together in the end! They deserve a lot of the credit for it looking so good in the end.

Also that little piece of art in the bottom left of the preshow is a section from the final concept art of the set.

That contraption behind Matt is based on astrolabes and clocks. This isn’t really meant to be a literal astrolabe or a clock as we would use them in our world. Narratively this isn’t a device that measures either of the things that a traditional astrolabe or clock does. This is a special magickal tool that does a secret third thing.

Also I did concepts for the GM screen. You don't really see it besides in the fancy-shmancy preshow. There were a number of more intricate designs for it but CR went with the simpler option since the only part that would be visible on stream is the top, so that's where I put the most detail.

I should also note that I did not design the logo! It’s pretty prominent on the GM screen but I was supplied an already existing logo for this.

NEXT is the Taliesin enclosure set that you see in the trailer. This is actually meant to be like the lantern room on the top of a lighthouse, minus the big light beacon (You could say Taliesin is the beacon).

Also in the trailer you see a couple brief sketches I did for some world building concepts:

Speaking of sketches there are a number of art pieces of mine in the Quickstart guide

A lot of my art is sketches. They’re all meant to be like notes and drawings from members of Candela as they travel and notate their findings. Most of the notes on these sketches are my actually my notes when I was doing world building concepts, but they replaced my handwriting with a font because my handwriting sucks lmao (also likely for ease of future localization).

Also the cover of the Quickstart guide uses line art of a part of that astrolabe clock set piece. This line art was part of the deliverables that was sent over to Flip This Bitch for construction. They’re just using pieces of those set concepts everywhere!

As you can see I’ve done a lot of art for this project. I was part of this project when it was still early in development. It’s changed quite a bit from where we started. 

I wasn’t the only one that made all this art happen though. Other artists, writers, and designers got to add their own vision to this. It was very much a collaborative effort that took a long time to happen. It’s very exciting to see everyone’s hard work come to fruition and there is a lot more to come!

[sinkdownbeneath]

“Fine By Me.”

Pairing - Daryl Dixon x Trans Masc Reader

Warnings - Talk of drug use, illness, needles, identity, possible transphobia.

Setting - S4 Prison

Summary - Daryl thinks you’re doing drugs, but ends up learning something new about you.

Type - Fluff

A/N: this is my first published fic!! i have briefly proofread, and i’m pretty happy with it. hope you enjoy :)

You sat on the edge of the bed in your cell, positioning the needle over your thigh, gripping at your flesh trying to gauge where to inject yourself. your palms were sweaty and you couldn’t get a good grip on the syringe, with Hershel in Block A, treating the prison flu, you had nobody to do this for you. Hershel had told you the week prior that he would be going to take care of the sick, and he took extra steps in showing you how to inject your medication, but this was the first time you had tried on your own, it was proving difficult.

You took a breath and widened your eyes, grabbing your skin and moving your face closer, trying to get the needle in the perfect spot before you pushed it in, ‘just do it, idiot’ you thought to yourself.

You heard a scoff and jumped, looking up with a surprised expression, Daryl stood at your door, holding the curtain you had put up against the frame.

“Didn’t take you for a fuckin’ junkie.” He said, a scowl across his face.

“What? No! I-“ you began,

“I don’ wanna hear it.” Daryl said, starting to turn away and leave.

“Daryl!” you jump towards him, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around, he looked taken aback, offended, you weren’t sure, but before he could do or say anything, you grabbed his arm and yanked him into your cell, peering your head around the curtain to check nobody else was witness.

You held the syringe in front of his face, waving it as you annunciated “This is not heroin,” in a whisper-shout.

He looked puzzled and almost like he was challenging you, as if he was asking ‘oh yeah? what is it then?’.

“I am not a junkie, this is my medication! Now if you would give me a hand with sticking it in my thigh I would be grateful.”

You spoke to him in such a way he stood speechless for a moment, like he was a child who just got an angry finger waved in his face for his attitude.

“Well?” You ask, impatiently.

He flushed red for a moment and sheepishly nodded, taking the syringe from your hand, you sat back down and rolled your trouser leg back up, exposing the piercing site, jab marks from the previous weeks lingering.

Daryl sat beside you, needle in hand, inspecting it, and just as you thought he was about to stick you with it, he hesitated.

“Just lemme see whatever you put in here, I don’t wanna be responsible for nothin’.”

It was your turn to hesitate, you scoffed and looked at him, gauging whether he meant it or not, whether he really needed to see why you were secretly medicating yourself every week, when his expression didn’t falter, you reached into the box under your bed, and pulled out the small vial containing your lifeline.

You placed it into his hand, avoiding all eye contact, this man was the one you worried about telling, he wasn’t as loud as Merle was about his opinions, but they were brothers, they were hicks, surely they had their opinion in common?

He rolled the vial in his palm, exposed the small text written on the label, and brought it up to his eye. The bottle read ‘TESTOSTERONE’ in a bold font. Daryl studied it before peering over the bottle and into your eyes, he looked at you almost knowingly, his eyes told you that it was okay, you were okay.

This was the softest look Daryl had ever given you, he had just said so much more with his eyes than you had ever heard from his mouth, it meant a lot.

He gave the bottle back to you, and took the syringe between his teeth, using one hand to move your trouser leg up, and the other to grip a chunk of your flesh, rolling it between the tips of his fingers until the chunk felt right, he took his hand from your trousers and retrieved the needle from his mouth, poking it into you, and pressing down on the plunger at a slow pace.

You watched him, how he nibbled on his lip and furrowed his brow in concentration, how gently he treated you, you watched as he handled you with such care, you looked so deeply into him that you didn’t even realise he had removed the needle. The sudden sound it made when he tossed it onto the table next to your bed startled you awake from your trance, and you found yourself staring at the side of Daryl’s face, his cheeks flushed and his eyes darting to all places other than your eyes.

“Sorry.” You said, he nodded.

“Thank you for doing that.”

“S’alright.”

The silence was so loud.

“How did you learn to do that?” You asked, breaking the silence so suddenly you caught yourself off guard.

“Do wha’?” he questioned, raising a brow and looking at you through his fringe,

“Inject, it seemed like you knew what to do.”

He nibbled on his lower lip again, looking around the room, as if he was trying to find the words.

“My Mama,” he replied, “before the fire, before everythin’, she was sick, I had to give her her medicine sometimes, she was in a lot of pain, kept her in bed all day, smokin’, readin’ her magazines, Merle took care of her when he wasn’t at Dad’s, but sometimes I had ta.”

He kept his eyes on the ground before timidly looking toward you, you looked at eachother for a moment, before you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, hugging him tight, you were telling him it was okay, you were thanking him for not freaking out over you being trans. You were very private about your identity before the world fell, and you thought you would have to be the same now, you had told Hershel very reluctantly, but he told you that God loved you, and that he accepted you, and now Daryl knew, and he treated you with more care and understanding than before. You thought maybe your family, your new, found family, would be okay with it too.

Daryl wrapped his arms around you, and squeezed before pulling away from the hug and standing up by the door.

“Gotta go, Rick needs help with the fence.” he told you, punctuating his sentence with a half smile.

“Okay.”

He turned away and lifted the curtain.

“Daryl?”

“Mm?” He hummed.

“Thank you, I thought-“ You began,

“I know what it’s like. Feelin’ like you don’t belong. What you’re doin’, who you are, is fine by me.”

[aetlasx]

prologue

pair: eddie munson x witch!reader

summary: Ah, memories. You journal your first day of high school, but things quickly take a turn just a few weeks later.

tw: menstruation, pad/tampons, bullying, name calling (pls lmk if there’s anything I missed)

a/n: just stick with me lol. he’ll be in the first part. Also, this is an AU!! For spooky season!! thank you so much for reading!!

*the chat font is the diary entry and it goes back to normal at the end*

August 22nd, 1983 It's been a few months since i've written in this thing. I thought it'd be a good time to start now since I finally made it to high school!

You know what that means? Four more years till I leave this shithole!! Better than five. June was actually waiting by the door when I got home, she really wanted to hear every detail of how it went. I told her about my classes, I have Jonathan in two and Nancy in several. I told her how the school and people were so different from anything I was used to. But, it doesn't take her long to find something wrong with the way I think. She started with her usual warnings and advice, all the things I need to avoid, all the mistakes I shouldn't make. I know she's just trying to protect me, but it feels like she can never have trust in her little sister.

On the other hand, at least Teddy asked if I had fun. He's always been the one who knows how to lighten the mood, especially knowing how his wife is. He asked about my teachers and any clubs that looked cool enough to join. He even asked about Jonathan and Nancy.

Jonathan was definitely not as excited as me. He's quite, but he's always been that way.I know that his mom was excited for his first day of high school, she even convinced him to bring his camera. Right now, I'm trying to convince him to join the newspaper but he just shrugs me off. And Nancy, well, although it's been one–girl is practically glow. Within just 8 hours of the school day, she was able to meet a boy. She kept gushing about him and is pretty excited for the rest of the school year here. I'm genuinely happy for her.

Before June could add her two cents, I interrupted her with how I stopped by Aunt Claudia's after school to see how Dustin's day went. He was already sprawled out on the couch, 'exhausted' from fighting with his new math teacher. It had been a bit since I had seen them, I slaved away my summer at my job so stopping by, I felt grateful that they weren't even mad. I'll have to start hanging out with him again.

Anyways, I’m determined to make the most of freshman year with my friends. I’m ready to prove that I’m more than just a product of this stupid town.

Wish me luck!!

September 16th, 1983

I think I lied. I don’t know where to start…but a four year wait is too long. I don’t know where it all went wrong but it started over the weekend.

Sometimes I’d like to think that if my mom was still around, this wouldn’t have happened. Hell, June is like my mom, why did it happen. I’m talking about mother nature’s gift. It seemed as though no on thought to inform me that a girls first period would be this chaotic.

Nance and I had a movie night planned. I hadn’t really talked to her much, only in class, because her new boy toy or whatever—Steve Harrington, was taking up most of her time. I thought this would be a good time to just catch up and gossip, I was wrong. That Friday was horrible. I ended up throwing up, getting the chills, my body ached to no end. But I was still determined to make movie night happen, especially since June and Teddy were gone for the weekend.

As I was dying on the couch, Nancy finally showed up. But to my disappointment, it was only to cancel. Her and Steve were going out on their first date. I don’t know if it was how hot I was feeling or my intestines twisting, but black spots started clouding my vision. I just remember her screaming for Steve and once I knew it, I woke up in the hospital.

What I’m about to write, I’ll say with confidentiality…probably because I’m the only one reading this. Whatever.

A period is probably normal for all females. What’s not normal is having to go to the hospital and having your best friend’s boyfriend make fun of you because the doctor called you a late bloomer. I mean, she apologized but, if I could’ve just died on that bed, I wouldn’t be here.

Even June lectured me when I interrupted her weekend getaway. The whole ride home she kept complaining and saying ‘how could I not know’ and ‘you just gave us another unnecessary bill’. Like, sorry my baby’s natural response has ruined something for you.

Fuck. That’s not even the worst part. When Monday came back around, everyone was looking at me when I walked in. I know how cliche it sounds after what had just happened but knowing how popular Harrington was and who his friends were, he had already told the whole school by now. During gym, Carol and a few other girls threw pads and tampons at me. I got called ‘Bloody Mary’ and ‘Leak Freak’ in the hallways, at lunch, and anytime anyone had the chance. I tried to stay strong, I even hoped Nancy would say something to me during class or at least when she saw me but she just looked at me with sympathetic eyes. It’s just hard to believe that a few weeks ago, everything was fine. We were making fun of our teacher, gossiping with Barb, and even went shopping but I guess things change. Now when I look at her I’m just consumed with rage.

Jonathan has been supportive, though. The evening I got out of the hospital, he had actually brought over some of my favorite snacks and listened to me cry all night. Even when the mocking was bad, he’s stuck by my side. He’s told some kids to fuck off, walks me to class, and I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong but knowing that I have to wake up and go through it again doesn’t really ease my pain.

I feel like my chances of making friends and actually joining some clubs are ruined. When I try talking to some new, they give me dirty looks. When I go to ask about different clubs, they turn me away. I’ve lost hope. Thought this was suppose to be a fresh start but I guess not.

And just to add more salt to the wound, I haven’t been able to sleep. Every time I close my eyes and drift to away, I’m met with such an unsettling environment. The atmosphere is thick, groggy, red. It’s coated in fog, but a man I’ve never seen before always walks through it. He says his name is Henry, he starts talking about my worries and pain. It’s always the same—he says he’s ‘there to help me’, he’s there to ‘take away the pain because he knows what it’s like’. I truly don’t know what has caused my subconscious to create things like this but I guess I’m just tired of feeling like shit.

I don’t even know why I bother keeping a journal around. Sometimes I feel like I won’t even be here in the future to reminisce on the shitty days like this. Why would I even? I guess it’s just easier to write these things down than having to say them out loud. I thought I’d be able to make my sister, aunt, cousin, and friends proud, but I’m starting to think I’m just not cut out for this.

Closing the diary, the blonde places it back in the shoebox you hid it in. Pushing it back under your bed, standing from the place he sat. A satisfied smirk on his face.

He’d been following your turmoil closely, knowing that this was just the turning point. Your struggles were feeding into his plans. This entry was straw that broke the camels back—your vulnerabilities, your fears, and your desperations. It was almost too easy.

“Your suffering is almost poetic,” Henry said to himself, walking out of your room, your house, determined to take action now. He planned to finally confront you, to force you to acknowledge the full extent of what your destiny could be with his help—with what he had to offer.

[makos-hotbox]

| brief req. summary :: can I request Ghost and König (separate) headcanons with a s/o (she/they) who has really bad anger issues? Like they will jump over a table just to hit someone? |

LARGE FONT VER.

/ — I’m so sorry that the original ask got deleted 😭😭 and honestly as a fellow anger issues haver; I loved writing this. I hope you enjoy! /

… 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐒

`⌁ ◜ 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝟓𝟓𝟓, 𝐢’𝐦 𝟔𝟔𝟔! ◞

𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓

Ghost would be very aware of your anger before you even get in your relationship together. He noticed how it was hard for you to contain yourself when something irked you or someone pissed you off too much.

But that didn’t stop him from falling for you, so obviously, he doesn’t mind. Ghost doesn’t seem like someone who would purposely try and irritate his lover. He’s pretty laid back and relaxed imo, only teasing you or making snide comments if he knows you can handle it. Or not at all if you don’t want him too. Ghost is respectful on that

When you end up physically fighting someone, Ghost’s first reaction is to cheer you on. But since he has to be mature, he will quickly run in and separate you from the other person. Restraining you completely (and quite easily) until he’s sure you won’t attack again.

Shortly after, he will probably ask you what kind of damage you did and idk maybe even give you a few tricks.

It's not out of the norm to see ghost pick you up out of nowhere and take you away to somewhere else. As long as you’re not fighting anyone. He doesn’t want you getting into trouble.

If someone around you is being a dick, (ex. Another soldier) and you start to get upset, Ghost is quick to notice. After being around you for so long, he knows the signs of your irritation. And as soon as he sees you clench your fist, raise your voice, or stiff up; he will do one of two things.

Either A) he will step in and separate you and whatever the issue is. He doesn’t like seeing you upset and he definitely wouldn’t like for there to be trouble if you acted on your anger. Ghost will back up the other person, glaring at them through his mask and sizing up to them.

Once the problem is gone, Ghost will take you back to your room and help you calm down. Allowing for you to rant, thrash around and hit pillows, or to just lay down. Whatever you want, he would be there with you.

Or B) Ghost will push back on the problem even harder. Stepping between you and the person so he can take care of it himself. If the dickhead doesn’t shut their mouth, Ghost will do it himself. He doesn’t usually like to make it physical, but if he needs to, he will. He just doesn’t want you getting in any trouble, or, if things went south, hurt.

If you’re ever feeling upset about how you have trouble containing your anger, he’s there to comfort you. Ghost may not be able to go full therapist with you, but he can listen and hold you. You can rant and wallow in a spot of sadness for a bit, and Ghost will be there the whole time. Quietly reassuring you that it’s going to be okay. How your “issue” is nothing but another reason he loves you.

If Soap or any of his teammates are bothering you and trying to get you worked up, Ghost will probably take the violent route. Smacking them upside the head with a firm “knock it off.” They usually get the hint and leave you be. Over time they adapted to not purposely try and work you up. (Or accidentally)

Here it goes again… another annoying soldier who wants to buck up to you just because he’s insecure about his masculinity. The two of you were at the same shooting range and he started trying to one up you. Failing miserably, he got mad and tried to pick a fight.

“How the hell could a little girl like you be big bad military? You should quit soon darling, we don’t want you getting your pretty face injured.” ‘Montoya’ cocked his head to the side, faking worry for you. It was disgusting. You were just trying to clear your head at the range and now something else has taken that space.

Your chest began to feel heavy, growing ticked off. Mind flooding with ways to retaliate; punch him, yell at him, or walk away? So many options to choose from. In the back of your head you felt a bit guilty for wanting to resort to violence first. A silent reminder of the immediate mood switch.

Ghost had told you many times that you should try and walk away or speak rationally when you’re upset. More so that you don’t get in trouble for starting a fist fight. But, to hell with talking rationally. “Kiss my ass Montoya. I’ll whup your ass here, on the field, or anywhere else. You’re so worried about a girl being better than you that you don’t even notice your own dick shrinking.” You commented quickly, cleaning up your space so you could leave. Not having the energy to deal with something like this.

Montoya didn’t stop following as you started walking to your truck. “Oh really now? You can't even reach the top shelf, you could never amount to me. All that shit back there was pure fucking luck.” You loaded your stuff into the vehicle, clenching your fists as you tried to walk to the drivers side. Instead, Montoya stood in front of you and shoved you back.

That was all it took before you cocked your fist back quickly and popped him right in the jaw. Montoya stumbled back onto the ground with a groan. “Keep your fucking hands off me dickhead.” You grumbled, turning around at the sounds of running footsteps along the dirt.

“Woah! Woah! Woah! Holy shit, Y/n!” Soap sped past you to check on Montoya, whose nose was bleeding. Ghost stopped next to you, staring at your glaring expression. Grabbing your arm, he pulled you into a hug.

“Nice job, but how’re we gonna explain this one?” He whispered, Soap was still busy helping Montoya. You rolled your eyes and rested your head against Ghost’s chest. “We won’t, he fucking earned that one by shoving me.”

“Wait, he laid his hands on you?”

You nodded your head. Then without a word, Ghost opened the door of your truck and helped you in. “Wait here.” He closed the door and stomped over to Soap and Montoya.

All you could hear was a muffled, “Pick his ass up Johnny! It’s time for round two for putting his hands on Y/n!” And through the rear view mirror, you watched as Soap’s attitude changed, yanking Montoya up by his shirt. A smile spread across your face as Ghost swung his fist right onto the other side of Montoya’s jaw.

𝐊Ö𝐍𝐈𝐆

Before your relationship with König, he was a bit scared of you. Seeing your outbursts and almost constant glare showed König that maybe it would be the best idea to not work you up.

Over time as you grew closer from team missions, König stopped being afraid of you. Learning about your temper and just you in general. He became used to your hot headed self and knew how to aid you out of your rage moments. And just like that, over time, König began to grow feelings for you.

König is not really someone who would try and irritate you purposely. Or even accidentally. He knows how to make good word and tone choices just to keep it safe. But he also just doesn’t like seeing you upset, especially if it’s his fault.

He is quick to apologize and make it up to you if he does end up setting you off. Feeling bad for the rest of the day, König will do anything for you. Running errands so you could relax, bringing you food, and doing whatever you ask.

If someone is messing with you, König takes full advantage of his size. Stalking up to that person, looking like a complete demon. Threatening eyes staring down at the idiot that dared mess with König’s beloved.

There’s been very few times König had to get physical with someone to leave you be. Usually his large frame is enough to scare anyone off. But when he had to use his fists, it ended with broken noses and tons of bruises.

When König witnesses you getting violent with someone, he doesn’t really do anything to stop it. Maybe he will wait a few moments to step in, but he usually doesn’t. In his opinion, if whatever that person said was enough to make you swing? They deserve it.

Whenever the fight is finally broken up though, König takes you back to his room to check for any bad wounds and let you rant it all out. The night will usually end with the two of you cuddled together playing some sort of game.

If you’re up for it, König will take you to a rage room with him. Giving you an opportunity to let out any bottled up frustrations left. He will happily cheer you on as you demolish an old tv or computer. Expect a nice meal and nap later :)

Storming down the hallway, music blared loudly into your ears. Trying to contain your irritated thoughts about how training went today. Price took you and some of the team members to go train. And you were apparently not on your game today as you missed shots and stumbled around like a drunk idiot during combat training.

It was embarrassing on its own, you’ve never been that sloppy before! Soap and Gaz were constantly reassuring you that it was okay after very loud profanities were yelled. But it didn’t stop there, as you were all leaving to go work on other stuff, you overheard some snide comments coming from a group of soldiers.

They were all about you, seeing as “L/n” was whispered countless times. The group mostly commented about how terrible you were at literally everything. Not only training, but apparently bringing up old mistakes you’ve made while on missions or during important meetings.

“Ultimate shite.” Soap mumbled under his breath, he glared at the other group. After that he had pushed you along to leave before anything could go wrong. In the truck, you were allowed to think about and boil your anger even more.

Leading you to now, bursting into König’s room loudly. He was playing a game on his bed and jumped up at the sudden intrusion. König immediately noticed your upset expression and all his focus was now on you. “Woah- what’s wrong Liebling?” He hopped off his bed and came to your side.

You stood tense for a moment, eventually just leaning onto the tall frame of your boyfriend instead. A long and exaggerated sigh left your lips followed by a loud groan. König’s hands rubbed up and down your back slowly. Trying to give you some sort of comfort, he nudged you.

“Let’s go lay down, and once you’ve relaxed, you can tell me all about it. But I want you to feel better first.” König led you to his bed and allowed you to silently settle yourself on it and get comfortable. The German laid next to you so you could lay on his chest as he held you close to him. Whispering loving compliments and phrases to you in German, König knew exactly what he was doing.

He was practically bringing you back to earth with all of the affection, reminding you that there’s someone who loves you and all your flaws. It felt amazing, and you eventually became completely cooled off in König’s arms. Realizing this, he kissed your forehead. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“Don’t even get me fucking started.”

REQUESTS:: OPEN

» 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 … 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐭

[waywardwendy]

Go For a Picnic. Dine at the Ritz...

Okay, I've got an absolutely miserable take on the 1967 scene in the Bentley, after Aziraphale gives Crowley the tartan thermos of holy water.

‼️TRIGGER WARNING‼️, this is going to get a little dark with Aziraphale's assumptions about Crowley's suicidal ideations. Be careful, please.

We all know Crowley has been pining after holy water. (In my dismal opinion, whatever was done to him after he saved Elspeth's soul from damnation in 1827 must have been horrendous, and that's where this request came from.) He asked for it in 1862 when he met with Aziraphale in St. James Park, and was turned down.

And we all already know exactly what Aziraphale thought he wanted it for.

We also know he discovered in 1941 that it was available in churches. No guards surrounding it, and that anyone could just go in and take it.

"Look at that! A whole fontful of holy water. It doesn't even have guards." (His genuine surprise that it's just THERE for the taking.)

Anyway that's not what this is about - this is about Aziraphale's response in 1967.

Obviously, we're all hooked on:

Because, ouch these poor babies really know how to ruin our lives.

So many meanings here. The obvious - you drive like an absolute mad lad and I don't want to be discorporated in a car accident (good lord, the paperwork). The less obvious but definitely there - you jump into things so quickly, I can't keep up.

BUT I'm stuck on this bit:

In my first watch through, I didn't think much of it. "Don't look so disappointed." We can hang out later. I just don't want to drive with you when it's not necessary because you're absolutely terrifying behind the wheel. I'm not telling you to fuck off, call me for dinner some time.

BUT NOW, on my... 5th? 6th? I'm losing track (and my mind) watch, I see it as... begging? As Aziraphale not knowing how to articulate what he's feeling, but desperately trying to communicate it to Crowley anyway.

Because he still thinks Crowley wants the holy water as a way to destroy himself.

I see it as something along the lines of this miserable list;

Please don’t kill yourself. 

I need you to not go through with this. 

I don’t want to withhold my companionship from you, but I need you to look forward to our time together later so you don't do this now.

I’m not going to spend time with you now, I can’t let you use it as some final goodbye in your mind. 

We can go for a picnic, please stay alive long enough for us to do that. 

We can dine at the Ritz, please stay alive long enough for us to go there.

And, to be honest, watching it through again with this lens, I wonder if Aziraphale is more grateful for Crowley's company every time they see each other because he didn't go through with it.

I wish I could find a better way to articulate this, and the way it wrings out my heart like a wet rag, but here we are.

Enjoy my misery with me.

[builtbybrokenbells]

Picasso

after months of silent pining over the boy across the hall, y/n finds herself face to face with the one person she can’t seem to get off her mind. a friendly dinner and a night spent in the art studio leads to more truth being revealed than either bargained for. a profession of attraction leads to an opportunity for an unconventional hookup, where Sam gets to make her first time unforgettable.

COLLEGE DORM AU

Read aftermath here

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 15.5k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, fingering (f!receiving), oral (f!receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it, folks), virgin/virginity talk, losing virginity (sam the v card thief 🫣), praise kink, pet names, sexual anxiety/performance anxiety, soft gentle sex (fuck me up fr), fluff, swearing, anxiety, embarrassing crushes, sorry if I miss any!

😮‍💨 sorry this took so long folks. it’s a lengthy one, so prepare yourself. i got a bit carried away. soft Sam fucks me up real bad. hope you enjoy this as much as i loved writing it!! as always, be kind, enjoy, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!!

~

You weren’t sure who he was. You had no idea where he was from, what he was studying, or if he even knew you existed. Still, that didn’t seem to stop the awkward staring, or the blushing cheeks, or even the speeding heart rate every time he came into your line of vision. You hated yourself for the uncontrollable longing you felt for the boy across the hall, knowing that you would forever be too nervous to approach first. The first few months of your university experience were relatively normal; meeting friends, studying relentlessly, and trying to navigate a brand new life that was so foreign from the last. Then, after the novelty of freshman year wore off, and the hallways were routinely more empty than you’d grown used to, you started to run into him.

The first time you saw him, you almost missed him. You only noticed the back of his head as he disappeared around the corner. But, almost as if fate was playing a sick trick on you, he happened to forget something in his room. When he came back around the corner, giving you the opportunity to see his face, it felt as though you’d received a punch to the stomach. Thankfully, he was in too much of a rush to notice your staring. His long, brown hair looked messy, yet perfectly styled around his slender face. His jawline was sharp, angled gracefully into a perfect chin. The space just above held his lips, a permanent upturn in the corner adorned on them, although barely noticeable in passing. His brown eyes looked inviting, a colour you could spend all day lost in. Once he passed you, you knew it was too late; you’d already fallen for him, and there was no escape.

Perhaps it was because you came from a small town, one where all of the boys looked like the same person, just in a different font. You’d never met a boy who caught your eye quite like he did. He had a charming aura without even speaking, which was impossible to attain, according to your standards. You never really wasted time on dating, more or less finding it pointless. You were well aware there was no person to find in your town that would work out long-term. You were never a date for heartbreak type, understanding that there was no need of having a relationship if you start it with a pre-existing condition that it will inevitably end. You had a few bad experiences with the boys you’d given a chance, and never tried again. It wasn’t worth the hurt, or the trouble, so you kept to yourself. But, whatever it was about the boy across the hall, you were certain if you ever got the chance, you’d want it to last a lifetime.

After the initial shock of seeing him, you seemed to notice him everywhere. Every time you left your room, his door was open, or he was in the hallway talking to his friends. He was always running into you at meal hall, taking post in your favourite spots in the library, and even in some of your classes. You had no idea how you’d gone so long without noticing him, because now, he never ceased to exist in your mind and your life. You’d never managed to get the nerve to speak with him, or even muster a wave when he passed by. The most the two of you shared was a smile each morning; which admittedly, made your day a whole lot better every time. As unfortunate as it was, the two of you had mastered the art of remaining strangers despite the constant desire to be more.

You never verbalized your feelings to anyone, not your friends, or even yourself. You thought it was a bit ridiculous to be infatuated with someone solely based on looks. Yet, you found yourself creating a fabricated version of him, one that you deducted based on what you noticed over the passing weeks. One where he was funny, in a sarcastic or a goofy type of way. One where he was very laid back, but very involved in the lives of the people he loved. And the worst one of all; one where he was fantastic in bed. You thought it was alright to daydream, even if you would never know for certain in this lifetime.

Despite your mostly quiet pining, everybody around you was well aware of how you felt about mystery boy. Your friends seemed to take extra measures to point him out in a public setting, or ‘unintentionally’ cross paths with him. They never admitted it, but you knew what they were doing. Instead of fighting about it, which would only give them the answer they so desperately wanted from you, you laughed alongside them at the ‘strange coincidences’. Although, one thing inherently positive that came from the whole ordeal, was that you’d made acquaintance’s with his best friend, Danny. You’d found out that he was also in a few of your classes, and lived on the floor above you.

He occasionally stopped by your room for a quick chat, or some help with projects. He was friendly, and tall, and quite attractive, too. You never mentioned his friend that lived across the hall, and he didn’t, either. As far as you were concerned, your friendship with Danny would remain just as such, with no hidden implications about the beautiful boy he spent most his time with. Never once would you ever want to make him feel like you’d become friends with him just to get closer to his best friend, because you didn’t. Any hello, or how are you, or any of the conversations you’d shared had always been because you wanted to talk to him. You liked him, and just so happened to find it much easier to strike conversations with him, too.

You walked down the hallway, pushing your way through the swarms of people preparing to leave for spring break. That Friday marked the end of classes for a week, meaning that lots of people were either packing up to return home for a few days, or headed somewhere much warmer to drink themselves into oblivion. You had opted to stay for the week, finding no real desire to visit your family, and having no available funds to travel the world. All of your friends were leaving, presenting a fantastic opportunity for you to catch up on some schoolwork. You keyed into your room, dropping your bag on your bed and kicking your shoes off. You threw on your slippers and took your hair down from its clip.

You walked into your bathroom, seeing a note stuck on the mirror. You pulled it off, reading over the scribbled words. Your suite mate had left for the week, wishing you a good time and telling you she’d see you soon. You smiled, slipping it into your pocket to add to your collection of first-year memorabilia. You had an elaborate final project planned for your introductory art class, and you were collecting as many pieces to add to it as possible, wanting nothing more than to make a showstopper. You fixed your makeup in the mirror and combed through your hair with your fingers, trying to sharpen yourself up after a long day of classes. As you returned to your room, you heard a knock on your door.

When you opened it, you saw a familiar, smiling face. “Well hello.” You said, pulling the door open fully.

“Hey, Picasso.” Danny greeted. “What are you up to?”

“Just got back, actually. I stayed late at the studio. Trying to get my practical piece done for my painting class.”

“I see. Have you started the essay for poetry?” You shook your head, stomach sinking at the thought.

“I was going to start that this weekend. I just picked my topic. I’ve got a couple years worth of Shakespeare sonnets to read.” Danny was an English major, and you were an arts major, but your classes seemed to cross due to your minor in writing.

“That’s such a cop out topic,” He teased, leaning against the door frame. “And it’s spring break, aren’t you supposed to be having fun?”

“Fuck you.” You laughed, waving your hand to invite him inside. “Spring break is only fun for rich kids taking business majors.” You joked.

“Us arts kids know how to have fun, too, you know. We don’t have to get on a plane to do that.” He reminded you, walking inside and taking a seat on your bed.

“Well, what about you, then? Any big plans?”

“Frankenmuth.” He said, trying to make it sound more exciting than it was. You raised an eyebrow at him, expecting something more to the statement, but that was all he said.

“Enthralling.” You laughed, taking a seat in your desk chair. You watched the people pass by in the hallway, no real thoughts in your head. “Just you going?” You asked, eyes falling on the door closed just across from yours.

“Yeah, my friends are gonna stay here. Just thought I’d go back and visit the parents for a few days. Don’t think I’m staying the whole week.”

“Nothing wrong with that, Danny boy.” You said, flipping your laptop open that was sitting on your desk. “When are you leaving?”

“Tonight, probably. I like driving at night.” You were okay with that, completely agreeing with his statement. There was something very peaceful about driving in the dark, especially when the roads are mostly barren. It was almost like time stood still. You knew the drive wasn’t too long for him, so you had faith he would be alright. “That’s why I came to see you.”

“You’re so sweet,” you grinned, opening Netflix and throwing on the most recently watched show. “Gonna miss me?”

“Of course, Picasso.” He said as if it were obvious. “Come with me, if you want.” He offered.

“You wouldn’t want me to tag along, your parents might like me too much.” He laughed at your words.

“And that’s a problem?”

“You wanna listen to them ask about me for the rest of your life?” You teased.

“Doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world.” He shrugged.

“You’re too nice for your own good.” You chuckled. “As much as I would love to spend reading week with you, I very much need access to an art studio and shitty, free coffee refills from the library.”

“I know,” he assured you. “If you change your mind, offers there.”

“Thanks, Danny.” You said, more sincerity in your tone than before.

“The reason I came down here though, was to see if you wanted to grab dinner with us before I leave.”

“Us?” You questioned, cocking your head to the side.

“Yeah, me and Sam. I know you told me your friends already left, so I thought maybe you’d like some company.”

“Oh, so it’s a pity invite?” You smirked. He rolled his eyes.

“No, I want you to come. Thought that was kind of obvious.”

“Just pulling your leg.” You assured him. “Uh, who’s Sam?” You laughed, feeling a little ridiculous for not knowing. He watched you with confusion, waiting to see if you were joking.

“Sam? Kiszka? Like, the guy who lives across the hall?” He asked, completely baffled. “You don’t know Sam?”

“Oh!” Your cheeks turned crimson. “Yeah, I know who he is. That’s your best friend, right?” Danny nodded. “Yeah, I know him. Just didn’t know his name. Never really spoke to the guy.” You laughed, trying to pass off the awkwardness.

“Fuck, y/n, I thought you guys knew each other! I’m sorry I didn’t introduce him to you.”

“No! Don’t be sorry, Danny.” You waved it off. “I never brought it up, either.”

“That’s weird though, cause he definitely knows you. He knew who you were when I mentioned we were working together on that last poetry assignment. I was under the impression that you guys were neighbourly.” He shrugged, confusion still lingering in his features.

“Oh, uh… I guess my names on my whiteboard. Maybe that’s why. He’s definitely seen me around. We smile at each other and stuff in the halls, but that’s about it.” Danny eyed you almost as if he didn’t believe you.

“Well, he seems pretty fond of you for someone he only smiles at in the hallway.” You felt the blush rise to your cheeks again, embarrassed even at the thought of him mentioning your name. “You do know him, don’t you?”

“No, I swear I’m telling you the truth.” You raised your hands in defence. He watched you, scanning your face for a hint of a lie. After a second, his expression lit up.

“You have a crush on him!” He bellowed, feeling accomplished for finally solving the mystery. Your head whipped to the open door, making sure nobody was in the hallway.

“Shut up!” You hissed, making a move to shut the door. “I do not!” You said once you protected the privacy.

“That’s a lie, Picasso.” He let out a disapproving tsk.

“I don’t even know the guy.” You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, he’s attractive, but I can’t exactly like someone I don’t know.”

“Sure you can, and you do.” He grinned. “And you’ll like him even more after dinner tonight.” He decided.

“So now I don’t have a choice if I go or not?”

“No, not at all. I’ll leave you to get ready. He should be back around 6.” Danny stood, not willing to hear any protests.

“Danny, if you say anything to him, I swear to god I will kill-“

“Lips are sealed, Picasso. See you at six.” He sent you a wink before disappearing out the door. You felt your stomach twist in knots, nervous that Danny was going to mention something to him.

You distracted yourself by scouring your closet for something acceptable to wear. You cursed him for leaving so soon; he didn’t even tell you where you were going. You had no idea if you should dress nice, or casual. As you checked the time, you decided that somewhere in the middle would be suitable. A nice shirt and a pair of black jeans, just to dress it down a bit. You went to the bathroom and quickly ran your curling iron through your hair with no real effort, just to give it a bit of volume. You brushed your teeth and touched up your makeup again, spritzing on some perfume before you walked back to your room. You threw on some jewelry, deciding if you were going to properly meet mystery boy, or Sam, rather, you were going to make a good first impression.

When the clock struck six, there was an insistent knock on your door. When you opened it, Danny was beaming down at you once more. “You clean up good, Picasso.” He complimented. Rarely did he ever see you out of your studio clothes; you were always covered in paint, or plaster, or some other sort of artistic expression. You spent more time in the studio than you did anywhere else. Of course, the workload was heavy even for first year, but you spent a lot of free time there, too. It was great for your mental health, and aside from your projects, you made smaller pieces to sell on the side. Unlimited access to art tools was a huge benefit to going to the university you chose, and your talent allowed you to make some extra money. Making a living off something you loved to do made your university experience a million times better.

“Thanks, Daniel.” You laughed. “Ready to go?” You asked.

“Yeah, you?” You nodded. You threw on a denim jacket, finishing off the outfit. You joined Danny in the hall, looking around to spot Sam. When you didn’t see him, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of disappointment.

“Where are we going?” You asked, distracting yourself from the feeling.

“There’s this little Italian restaurant downtown. I’ve been meaning to try it, but never got around to it. Figured tonight was as good as any other night. Is that cool with you?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m not picky.” You assured him.

“Awesome.” He breathed, making a move to the other side of the hallway. He stood before Sam’s door, sending a knock echoing through the air. Within a few seconds, the door swung open to reveal the boy you couldn’t seem to get out of your head. His hair was slightly damp, and the smell of his shampoo hit you almost instantly. He pointed at you without a word, causing you to shoot him a nervous look. He got a small laugh at your reaction.

“You copied my outfit.” He accused, a goofy smile etched onto his expression. You looked down at what you were wearing, then back to him. You were both wearing Jean jackets with a black base layer. After a second, you laughed, too.

“Guess so.” You shrugged, trying to ignore the incessant butterflies running rampant in your stomach. “I’m y/n,” you held a hand out to shake.

“Sam.” He said, reciprocating the gesture. “I guess we’ve never properly introduced ourselves.” He noted.

“Not very neighbourly of us, was it?” You chuckled. His eyes lingered over you, taking in the whole sight before humming an agreement. You desperately tried to fight away the blush rising to your cheeks, but failed miserably. You hoped he didn’t notice.

“I hear from Daniel that you’re quite the artist.” He said, the smile never leaving his face. At his words, the redness on your cheeks completely took over, leaving no doubt that he could see it.

“Modern day Picasso, actually.” Danny corrected.

“You’ll have to show me, sometime.” Sam’s tone was soft, no tone of sarcasm present.

“Maybe I can sneak you into the studio someday.” You offered.

“It’s a date, then.” He said it so effortlessly, like the words meant nothing, but it set every nerve in your body on fire.

“G-guess so,” you tried to cover up your stutter, but they certainly noticed. You were thankful they didn’t comment on it. Sam stepped into the hallway, closing his door behind him. The three of you ventured towards the exit of the building without another word.

The evening was cool, but not unbearable. By the time you’d walked to the restaurant, you had managed to shake some of the nervousness off. The small chatter and jokes eased the tension by miles, allowing you to enjoy the company rather than fear embarrassment. Danny went inside first, Sam holding the door open for both of you. You muttered a small thank you, disappearing inside of the building. The smell of the food was fantastic, and the decoration and atmosphere was incredibly inviting. Danny noticed a ‘seat yourself’ sign, taking it open himself to lead the group to a booth. He slid in one side and you sat across from him. Sam looked between the two seats, ultimately deciding to sit next to you. The booth was tiny, and as he settled and got comfortable, his leg was gently resting against yours. You felt your heart speed, trying not to focus on the constant contact.

You all ordered after taking a good look over the menu. As you were waiting, Sam turned to you to speak. “So, Picasso,” he started. You turned your head to look at him, strangely pleased at the way the nickname sounded on his tongue. “Any travel plans for the week?”

“Oh, no.” You shook your head. “Love them, but my family drives me crazy, and I have too much work to get done to go anywhere else.” You admitted. “You?”

“No, I thought it was best to stay, too. I get what you mean about the family thing. Love them to death, but peace and quiet is nice, sometimes.” He chuckled. “Daniel will have to go on the journey alone.”

“So you guys are from the same town?” You looked between the two. They both nodded.

“Yeah, best friends since, what, middle school?” Danny laughed.

“Pretty much.” Sam agreed.

“That’s cool, actually. Nice that you guys have a piece of home here with you.”

“What about you? Any piece of home here?” You shook your head.

“No, and thank god there isn’t. Wanted to get the hell out of my hometown and start over. It’s worked so far.” You explained.

“Where are you from?” Sam asked, now intrigued.

“Arizona. Small town in the middle of nowhere, where everybody looks and acts the same and you get chastised if you’re any different.”

“Mind-numbing.” He replied. You nodded, unable to agree more. “Everybody needs originality.”

“Not them, apparently. I couldn’t wait to leave, and I never want to go back.” You almost shuddered at the thought.

“So where after this?” Sam never let his eyes leave you, as if he wanted to engrave every detail of your face in his mind.

“Uh, wherever, I guess. I haven’t really thought about it. I may travel for a while if I can before I commit to anywhere.”

“Smart woman,” he gave a small smile. “Know your options before you settle down.”

“Yeah, I suppose you could look at it that way.” Your conversation was interrupted by the waitress bringing drinks and setting them in front of you. You sipped from your straw, pondering what to speak about, next. “What are you taking, Sam?” You suddenly remembered you hadn’t asked him, yet.

“Oh, music theory.” He said. You eyed him in shock, not expecting that answer.

“What instrument?”

“Piano, on the paper at least.” He laughed. “I like playing bass and guitar more, but I figured they’d be more likely to accept me with piano as my focus.”

“Smart move.” You pondered the information for a moment. “Listen to this one,” you caught both of their attention. “So, Picasso, Shakespeare and Billy Joel walk into an Italian restaurant,” you started, causing a chorus of laughter from both boys.

“You play a piano once and you can never escape the Billy Joel jokes.” Sam shook his head, ghost of a laugh still lingering on his lips. You couldn’t help but admire him, feeling the overwhelming curiosity of wondering what it would be like to kiss him.

“You’ll be alright, piano man.” Danny assured him.

“Yeah, you can even sing us a song, if you want. That might make you feel better.” He shot you a look of warning, but there was visible humour laced in it. The both of you were feeling the nervous tension melt away more by the second.

The time passed too quickly for your liking; the meal was fantastic and the company was even better. When the time to leave came around, you were begging the clock just for another minute. You had spent the whole night beating yourself up for not getting over your fear and speaking with Sam sooner. Aside from him being incredibly attractive, he was funny, and charming, and quite sweet, too. You felt like you’d missed out on a lot. Even if nothing romantic happened, you’d could consider yourself content just being his friend. When the waitress brought the bills over, Sam took it upon himself to ensure you couldn’t get your hands on the debit machine. As you all filtered back outside into the cool night air, your feeling of nervousness returned. Looking at Sam, how the glow from the street lights casted over his face, how his hair flowed in solidarity, messy but perfect all in one, made you realize that knowing him only made the desire so much stronger.

Somewhere deep down you hoped he was an asshole, so you could finally shake the hopeless feeling of need for him. The more you talked to him, the more you fell for the goofiness of his aura, the humour he wore so proudly, or the kindness permanently anchored behind his words. He was more than just a pretty face, and to you, it was devastating. The last thing you wanted was to fall for someone, but you were well aware that it had happened long before your night of pasta critique. “You headed back to dorm?” Sam asked, his hand on your upper arm breaking you from your thoughts. You swallowed hard, trying to shake off your brains’ incessant reminders of what it felt like to be touched by him.

“Yeah,” you nodded.

“I’m headed out, now, I think.” Danny said, looking between the two of you. “Packed the car earlier, so I should hit the road.”

“Oh,” you breathed, trying to keep your eyes on him, and him only. “Which lot are you parked in?”

“The one by our building. I’ll walk back with you guys.” You nodded at his words, feeling a sudden rush of relief knowing you wouldn’t have to walk alone with Sam. Not that you would mind being alone with him, more of a fear of embarrassing yourself somehow. The three of you started the short walk with few words exchanged in the process. When you reached the entrance to the parking lot, you all stopped to bid a farewell.

Danny pulled you into a quick hug, thanking you for going to dinner. He hugged Sam, letting him know he’d text him when he was back home. “Might text for poetry help.” You smiled at him.

“You could text me just to say hi, too, you know.” Danny reminded.

“That is my way of saying hi.” You laughed. “Too nervous to be upfront.”

“No need for that, Picasso. I’ll see you guys soon.” He promised. You and Sam waved goodbye as he parted from the trio, leaving the two of you to yourselves. You kept your eyes glued to the ground, wanting to look anywhere other than his beautiful face.

“You have anywhere to be?” Sam eventually spoke. You found the courage to meet his eyes, feeling the butterflies erupt in your stomach once more.

“I was thinking about heading to the studio, actually.” You very much enjoyed your 24/7 access to the art building. It made your usually boring weekends a bit more enjoyable.

“Care for some company?” He smiled.

“You trying to get me in trouble, piano man?” You smirked.

“Nobody will ever know I was there.” He promised. You pondered the idea, realizing that it was more than likely nobody would be there, anyway. It was usually quite barren in the evenings, even more so considering the week-long holiday.

“Okay.” You nodded, holding your hand out for him to grab. “Come on.” He wasted no time slipping his hand into yours. You took off in a run back to the dorm with him following closely behind. You both made it to the front entrance of the building, keying in and immediately running to your rooms. “I just have to change.” You told him before disappearing into your room. You quickly changed into your work clothes, realizing how embarrassing the new outfit was. There was old paint stains on the t-shirt and jeans, years worth of artistic memories begging to be washed away. You didn’t waste too much time dwelling, too eager to be back in Sam’s company.

You were nervous to be alone with him, but the thrill of seclusion with him was overshadowing anything else. You thought maybe you’d be able to unravel some of the mystery, to get a chance to hear about his stories and memories that were hidden away. When you went back into the hallway, Sam was waiting for you. He had also changed into different clothes, a pair of sweatpants and a tattered old band shirt with the logo worn down to just a shadow. He had a sly smile graced his lips. “Ready?” You breathed. He gave a nod, silently hoping you’d reach out for his hand again. When you started walking down the hall, he followed after you, only momentary disappointment taking over.

You walked side by side to the art building, buzzing with unspoken excitement. When you reached the doorway, you scanned your access card on the reader and the lock clicked open. As you pulled on the handle, you looked back at him and pressed a finger to your lips, signalling for him to stay quiet, just in case anyone else was around. Regular students were allowed in the art building during office hours, but art students were the only ones granted access outside of normal school times. You were sure you’d only get a slap on the wrist if someone realized he wasn’t an art student, but you still didn’t want to take the chance. He nodded, ensuring he wouldn’t make a peep. You took his hand again, leading him inside and directly to the stairwell to the basement.

You took a sigh of relief when you let the studio door close behind you. You went right to your small locker where you stored your paint supplies and brushes. You unlocked it with a tiny key you kept around your neck. You pulled out your belongings, nodding Sam in the direction of the main room. The bright fluorescent lights were nothing new to you, but it seemed like it almost caught him off guard. You set your stuff down on a desk and grabbed an easel, carrying it over to where you were planning to sit. “I’ll be right back.” You told him, walking off to a side room. You opened the door, flicking the light on in the small storage space. You grabbed your large canvas, careful not to bump the front of it, worried it still may not have completely dried. You took it back out to the main room and propped it up on the easel, pulling a stool in front of it.

Sam moved a second chair over, sitting beside you. His eyes drifted over the artwork, scanning it intently and drinking up every detail like he needed it to survive. “I see why Danny calls you Picasso, now.” He mumbled, still looking over all of the details. You felt the redness creep up on your cheeks again, flattered at his compliment. “This place anything special to you, or just a stock photo?” There was a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Well, the cabin is. It’s my family’s. We spent a lot of time up there when I was a kid. The background is pretty dramatized, cause my inspiration pictures were a little bland.” You chuckled. “We’ve been working on landscapes, so I figured I would paint something meaningful.” The large oil painting had the image of the aforementioned cabin nestled in a plot of trees. The leaves were radiating the colours of autumn, and the neutral mountains in the background made the colours stand out. A small stream flowed through the mountain valley, and birds floated through the air. There were patches of flowery grass and bushes covering the ground. The outline was finished, and you’d been working on the intimate details of the piece. You were estimating only a few more hours of work, eager to have this finished so you could move on to the next project.

“It’s stunning.” He said, moving back to look at you again.

“Thanks,” your voice was soft, full of gratitude.

“Have you always wanted to be an artist?” He asked. You thought about the question, pondering the appropriate answer.

“I always loved art, but don’t think I actually decided to study it until late into high school. I never thought I’d be able to make it, but then I entered a few contests and won, and I guess it kind of kick started the process of getting here. At first, my parents weren’t super supportive of the idea. I think they’d rather me be a doctor or a lawyer, but they knew it would only make me miserable. Now that they see what I’m doing, and how happy it makes me, they’re a bit more on board. Their encouragement really helped me feel like I was supposed to be here.” You explained. “Deep down, I probably always knew I would do art for a living, but I fought it for a long time. It’s not really regarded as a ‘profession’, and I think that discouraged me for a long time.”

“Don’t ever feel that way again.” He shook his head, looking back towards the canvas. “Someone with talent like this should never second guess themselves.” You swallowed hard, having a difficult time digesting such a compliment. “This is the type of stuff to end up in galleries.”

“You’ll have to let me design your album art when you release your EP, then.” You smiled.

“You haven’t even heard me play yet.” He brushed the comment off, a small laugh lingering in his words.

“Don’t have to, I just know.” You said, pulling out your glass palate. You sifted through your bag of paints, choosing the colours carefully. You squeezed small amounts on the surface, looking back towards the large painting. You started to work, unsure of where the conversation would lead to next.

“What music do you like?” He asked, watching your hands as you painted.

“Everything.” You said, never losing your focus. “Not picky.”

“You have to have a favourite.” He inquired. A smile tugged at your lips.

“Well, yeah.” You rolled your eyes.

“What is it, then?” He laughed, eyes moving to your face.

“Guess.” You thought if he wanted to get to know you, he could work for it, first. At least a little bit.

“You’re a classical person, aren’t you?” You looked at him through the corner of your eyes, furrowing your eyebrows slightly.

“Insulting,” you replied. “You think I’m that boring?” You teased.

“Worth a shot.” He shrugged. “Rock?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I like metal, too, but I mostly stick with rock.”

“Never would have guessed the metal part.” His surprise was showing in his expression.

“Yeah, well, I have lots of tricks up my sleeve.” You chuckled, wiping your brush on your apron.

“Can’t wait to figure them out.” His words were smooth, concise, even, as if he was waiting to deliver the line the whole night. Your stomach fluttered with the thought of him wanting to know more about you. You both fell into a silence, eventually playing music off your phone to fill the stale air. You were fine without words exchanged; you enjoyed him sitting with you while you worked. He didn’t seem to mind either, enthralled in your technique. “What’s your favourite thing to paint?” He eventually disturbed the quiet.

“I like nature. It’s always so calming to recreate. So many different options, and imperfections don’t cause an issue, because nature isn’t perfect. I think that’s what makes it beautiful.” You explained. He nodded along, hoping you would keep talking. You noticed, feeling less reserved about your ramblings, realizing you wanted to share them with him. “Nature is the only constant. It was here from the beginning, and it will be here long after we die, even if it’s changed million times. It carries infinite memories from every era, and it’s our only consistency in this lifetime, and the ones previous. I like the idea of a timeless art piece. If someone looks at this a hundred years from now, they’ll be able to appreciate it the same way we can. Nobody will have to wonder about the origins of the picture. People die, animals pass, but the earth always outlives us. When the day comes and it dies, too, we go with it.” He nodded again, studying your face. He had been for a while, although you hadn’t really noticed. He was watching the way your eyes focused when you were doing delicate work, or how your lips pursed when your brush wasn’t doing exactly what you wanted it to. He also noticed every time you let out a minuscule sigh, content with the flow of the paint, or when you smiled when a familiar song came on the shuffle. He’d been studying you just as much as you did, him, admiring you just the same. He was enthralled in your presence, also never expecting to have you this close to him.

The art of your silent admiration had left little room for belief of a chance for it to happen so intimately. He was basking in the moment, in you. The smell of the paint and your perfume was embedding the memory in his brain forever. The beauty in your passion was electrifying, and he was certain he could watch it all day. He also felt the same when he passed you in the hallways, and caught himself peeking into your room when you had the door open. He felt the same fluster when you smiled at him, and awaited the conversations when Danny spoke your name. He also struggled with the idea of talking to you first, worried about rejection or embarrassment. From what he’d seen, you never showed an inkling of interest, and he didn’t want to come off in the wrong way. When Danny brought the idea of inviting you to dinner, he nearly jumped at the opportunity. Sam’s feelings had also remained quite silent, although his childhood best friend was quick to catch on to the situation. Now with a promise to both of you that your emotions would be kept a secret, it was up to both of you to figure things out. All Danny could do was cheer you on from both sides. “You’ve got a beautiful way of seeing the world.” He noted.

“If you don’t love the earth, you can’t expect it to love you back.” You said, finally turning to look over at him. You were caught off guard at his proximity, noticing he had definitely moved closer since you’d started working. He was sitting a little ahead of you, but his body was turned to be angled towards you. When he caught your surprised look, he gave a small smile.

“I thought you wanted to come and see the art, Sam.” You teased, finding the confidence to make a quick pass about his position.

“I’m looking at it.” He quipped back without a moment of hesitation. You opened your mouth to reply, but couldn’t find any words, flustered at the proclamation. Without another word, he turned to look back at the canvas, leaving you to wonder if his words were satire, or if they had meaning. You took a few seconds to recover, but ultimately pushed the statement to the back of your mind. You continued on, dabbing blots of paint onto the picture and blending it gently. “You know, if you’re looking for a customer, I’d be happy to take this off your hands when you’re finished.”

“You couldn’t afford me, Kiszka.” You joked, using the tip of your finger to get a better blend on a saturated area. You fixed it up with a brush afterwards.

“You think so?” He hummed, not bothering to turn and face you.

“I know so.” You told him, wiping your hand on the apron. You weren’t sure if it was the months of tension catching up to you, or the exhaustion, or the smell of his cologne, but you were desperate for him to turn and face you again. “If you want it, it’s yours.” You breathed, deciding to drop the facade. “Once it’s graded, I have nowhere to put it.”

“How much do you want for it?” He asked, still facing away from you.

“Free, for you.” You said softly, a smile creeping up on you.

“Absolutely not.” He turned now, finally meeting your eyes. “You worked hard on it, you used your own materials. I’m giving you something for it.” He said, finality dripping in his tone. You couldn’t help but shift under his gaze, the authority sending a pleasant jolt of electricity through you.

“Think of it as a token of friendship.” You whispered, unable to stop yourself from looking over his features. The admiration in your eyes was impossible to overlook.

“Friendship?” He questioned after a moment of silence, a new sense of confidence washing over him. “Ouch,” he said, the same cocky smirk playing on the corner of his mouth. You bit the inside of your lip, feeling your breath catch in your throat. You weren’t so willing to fall for the idea that he may have felt the same way. Instead of turning away, he watched you, hoping you’d make a notion of reciprocation. After the shock wore off, you started to understand that he was being serious.

“Courtship?” You corrected yourself, feeling your heart drumming against your chest.

“I think I like that better,” he whispered, eyes falling down to your lips for a second before correcting himself. “Do you?”

“I certainly don’t have an issue with it.” You admitted. He watched you carefully, almost as if he was nervous to advance the situation any further. After a moment of deliberation, he reached his hand up and cupped your cheek, using his thumb to wipe off a smudge of paint.

“Some paint,” he informed you.

“Oh,” you breathed, eyes never leaving him. “Did you get it all?” He inspected further, tucking some hair behind your ear as he did so.

“Mm, I think I missed a spot.” He deducted. You set your palate and brush on the table, not wanting to miss a moment of him. He advanced further, but only slightly, pretending to look harder. You couldn’t fight back a smile. “Want me to get it?” He looked back up at your eyes, hand never moving from your cheek.

“Okay,” you nodded, playing into his act.

“You sure?” He asked again, mostly to tease, but he also wanted to ensure you were comfortable.

“Positive.” You promised. Without wasting any more time, he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours.

It was soft, but his lips felt like they were burning into your skin. You reached your own hand out, letting it fall to the back of his neck. You pulled him closer, careful not to get any paint on his clothes in the process. He ran his tongue across your bottom lip, practically begging for more. You were quick to respond, parting your lips and allowing him to deepen the kiss. His other hand slipped to your hip, letting his fingers gently sink into the skin. When he pulled away, you were both breathless and craving more. He let his forehead rest on yours, dreading putting any more distance between your bodies. You gave a smile, unsure of what else you could do to express how you felt. It was like months of torture finally derived into pleasure. No more watching him as he walked past, wondering about his name or what it would be like to say it, or hear him say yours. No more wondering what it felt like to be kissed by him, because now, you knew, and it was way better than you ever imagined. “I’m not sure if I got it.” He admitted, causing a giggle from you. He pulled you in for another kiss, this one shorter and more lighthearted.

“Is it gone?” You asked, intoxicated from the feeling of his lips.

“If I said no, would you believe me?” You could hear his smile in his words.

“Yeah, just because I’d like to kiss you again, though.” His thumb trailed over your cheek as he rested his hand on your jaw. He placed a small peck on your lips, causing you to hum in satisfaction. “I wanted to do that for a really long time.” You said. He pulled back a bit, taking in your expression.

“Me, too.” He chuckled.

“Really?” He gave a nod.

“Since the first time I saw you.”

“Me, too.” You copied his earlier statement. “It’s been a long couple months of admiring you from a distance.”

“Why’d you never say anything?” He questioned, hand still keeping a delicate hold on your face.

“I was scared. Thought maybe you’d think I was weird, or you’d be an asshole. You’re too pretty to be nice, too. It’s not fair.” You laughed. “I didn’t even think you knew I existed.”

“How could I not?” He was almost offended at the thought. You shrugged your shoulders. “You’re the only person I’ve been looking at.” You felt your cheeks heat up again, angry that you couldn’t hide your emotion. “Danny’s been begging me to talk to you for weeks, but I guess I was scared, too.” It clicked in your brain, suddenly making sense why he was so excited when you told him you thought Sam was cute.

“Doesn’t matter,” You told him “We know now.” He nodded, agreeing silently. “Did you want to go back to my room, maybe?” You realized your statement was a bit forward only after you’d said it, but you didn’t really care. You were too caught up in the moment to worry about moving too fast, or any what-if’s. Your small amount of worry was subsided when he immediately stood, holding his hand out to you. You took it, letting him help you stand.

Both of you made quick work at cleaning up the mess you made, buzzing with excitement at the idea of being alone together. Within a few minutes, you had his hand in yours, and you were guiding him back through the unfamiliar building. You checked the main floor before you emerged, making sure there was no security checking out the place. You knew they could be assholes, and almost always asked for an access pass. When you deducted the coast was clear, you pulled him through the lobby and out the front door. You were both in a fit of giggles by the time you reached the dorm building, fumbling with keycards to let yourselves in. The hallways were barren, almost all of the students already gone for their spring trips. It made your journey all the faster, allowing you to make it to your room in record time without any interruption.

You opened the door for him, motioning got him to go inside first. He did so, eyes immediately taking in the sight. He’d caught glimpses of your room, but never got the chance to really see it. There was artwork plastered over the walls, some yours and some from your friends, or even reprints of famous artists. There were ambient lights bordering the ceilings, set to a constant colour. There were paintbrushes and textbooks littering your desk, along with a few empty coffee cups. There were a plethora of Polaroids hung on your bulletin board, a receipt book of memories from the lifetime he wanted to so badly know about. The smell of your perfume lingered in the air and your bed, although messy, looked extraordinarily inviting.

You gave him a small smile, nervous about what he was thinking. “I love it in here.” He said, almost like he could read your mind. You let out a small sigh of relief. His eyes drifted towards the small clay sculptures you’d been messing around with. He leaned closer, smiling at the intricate detail.

“You should come over more often, then.” You smiled.

“I think you’re gonna have a hard time getting rid of me, now.” He laughed. The sound was more beautiful than any you’d heard before.

“Fine by me.” You admitted. “I’m gonna change out of these. Just give me a minute.” He nodded, watching you as you picked some clothes from your closet. You brought them to the bathroom, changing into the shorts and t-shirt. You looked at yourself in the mirror, nearly wincing at the sight. You quickly fixed your makeup with your fingers and brushed your teeth. You sprayed a bit more perfume on the new clothes, and rejoined him. He was still standing awkwardly by your desk, unsure of where to sit. “You can sit on the bed.” You smiled, finding the timidity cute.

“Oh, okay.” He said, looking towards the mattress and sitting down.

“Did you want to watch a movie?” You asked.

“Sure.” He grinned. You went to your laptop, quickly logging in and pulling up Netflix. “I don’t care what we watch.” He admitted. You put on one of the first recommended movies, turning the volume up slightly. You climbed into bed next to him, propping a pillow against the wall and leaning back. He did the same, settling next to you, much closer than anyone else would normally sit.

The intro credits rolled for the movie, giving you a moment to relax from the close proximity. You leaned into him slightly, but not enough to make it obvious. You pulled your comforter over your legs, snuggling into the warmth. You let your hand rest on top of the blanket as you eyed his sitting in his lap. You’d been on dates, but not once since you moved away from your hometown had you felt so adolescent in romance. It felt like you were going through the motions for the first time, completely blind in knowledge. You had no idea how to approach him, how to initiate any of the intimacy you’d been yearning for. You hadn’t noticed you were staring at him, but he certainly did. He looked over to you, giving you a small, soft smile. In response, it made your heart skip a beat.

He took the opportunity to reach over and slip his hand into yours, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. The contact immediately subsided your anxiety, and you finally felt the ability to focus on the screen. After a few moments, you even found the courage to rest your head on his shoulder. The both of you watched the movie in silence, his thumb rubbing small circles over the back of your hand while you did so. As the film progressed, so did your comfortability. By the middle of it, you both had shifted dramatically. He was laying down, and you were resting atop of him, head nestled in his chest. His palm was firmly planted on your lower back, and his other gently tracing shapes into your arm. If you weren’t so energized from being so close to him, you were certain you could fall asleep in that position.

His hand that was on your arm moved to your face, fingers gently pushing your hair away. You closed your eyes, revelling in the feeling. He gently combed through the knots before settling his hand back on your cheek. He guided you to look up at him, sending a smile your way. You returned it, thinking that you would be fine if his face was the only one you could ever see again. “Thanks for inviting me over.” He said, admiring every feature. He knew that you were beautiful from every time he’d seen you before that night, but he realized that he’d been missing out on the best part. Having you laying with him, sleepiness laced in your eyes, made him realize that there was never a time where you were more beautiful. The innocent intimacy was overwhelming in the best possible way, leaving him to believe he could die happy as long as he got to hold you.

“It’s crazy, you know.” You sighed, propping yourself up on your elbow to get a better look at him.

“Hmm?” He replied, fingers dancing in the ends of your hair.

“I spent so long with this stupid little crush. I think because of it, I kind of put you on a pedestal. I forgot you were a person, too. I never believed that I could ever be with you like this. It always felt impossible.”

“I did the same thing.” He admitted, feeling better about it knowing you felt that way, too. “It’s weird. Dating in college is so much different than high school.” He chuckled. You nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly.

“It feels more… adult. In high school, I had to ask my parents permission to go on a date. Now, I can just invite you over whenever I want.” You thought aloud. “But I don’t feel any different. I still feel the same as I did a year ago.”

“Yeah,” he breathed. “It’s strange, knowing that we’re supposed to be adults, now. Especially when I still feel like a kid.”

“I think it’s a good buffer period,” you shrugged. “Pretend to be adults, get the experience, but still be able to make mistakes and learn from them. We get to practice living alone and being responsible, but still get to do stupid shit.” He laughed at your comment, but understood your point.

“I like you, Picasso.” He said, his hand landing on the back of your neck. You smiled at the words.

“I like you, too.” You admitted, eyes trailing over his face in admiration.

“I think it would be cool if we could do stupid shit and learn from our mistakes… together.” He mumbled, gaze focused only on you.

“What are you saying, Billy Joel?” You smirked as he rolled his eyes at the nickname.

“I’m saying,” he paused, eyes flickering down to your lips for a moment. “I would like to do this…. more often.” He articulated his words carefully, a bit nervous to say them.

“I think that would be quite alright.” You deducted. He visibly relaxed at your confirmation. “I… uh, I’m not good at this stuff.” You admitted.

“That’s okay.” He said, tangling his fingers in the hair at the base of your skull. He gently massaged his fingers over your scalp, causing a slight hum of pleasure from you. “That’s part of the making mistakes and learning from them, right?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, entranced in the feeling of him touching you. “I’ve never really had a boyfriend, or anything like that. Been on a few dates, but they ended pretty terribly.” You admitted. He cocked his head to the side, studying you as you spoke. “Like I said before, all of the boys from my hometown are all the same. I learned my lesson, and I realized nothing meaningful would ever come from it, so I just… didn’t.”

“You can talk about it, if you want.” He offered.

“There’s really not much to talk about.” You told him, remembering back to your high school years. “I don’t know if it was just the type of people that lived in the town, or if it was a teenage boy thing, but they just cared about getting laid and nothing more. It was unbearable, and I fell for it a few times, but nobody ever cared about me past the surface. I’ve never met a boy who wanted to know me like you do, or would even admit that they liked me out loud, for that matter. Nobody has ever asked me questions about myself, or my art. It was nice being seen as a person rather than a body.” You muttered the last part, hating saying it aloud.

“They have no idea what they missed out on, then.” He said, bringing you closer and placing a kiss on your forehead. “I’ve only known you, well, really known you, for a day. I already know that I’d be more than lucky to have a chance with you.” Your cheeks turned red, luckily covered by the darkness of the room this time. “They didn’t deserve you. Nobody should make you feel like you can only be loved in privacy. You’re worth more than that.” Your eyes fluttered up to meet his as your brain wondered if the interaction was real, or a grandly fabricated dream. You leaned forward, unable to satiate the need to kiss him again.

He accepted the gesture enthusiastically, using his hands to pull you impossibly closer. You brought your hand to his face, cupping his cheek. After a moment, you couldn’t help but want more. You shifted, trying your best not to break the kiss, placing both of your legs on either side of him. He broke away for a second, just long enough to prop himself up against the wall so you wouldn’t be uncomfortable. He wasted no time, capturing you in another kiss. His hands found your hips, fingers holding you firmly but delicately all at once. You snaked your hand to the back of his neck, holding him like you were scared he would get away from you. When you pulled back, you were both breathless with stars dancing in your eyes.

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” He said quickly, mind still occupied with the thought of kissing you. “I’m okay if we just lay here and talk.”

“I want to if you do.” You assured him, finally feeling the months of tension reach the breaking point.

“Are you sure?” He asked, searching your face for an honest answer.

“Positive.” You promised, making sure he saw you were being genuine. “I just… I’ve never…yeah.” You trailed off, suddenly a bit embarrassed. He watched you, trying to piece together what you were saying. “I’ve never had sex.” You blurted out, realizing he wasn’t fully understanding you. “I mean, I’ve done some stuff, but never…” you breathed, your face burning for a whole new reason.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He reached his hand to your face, keeping your head straight so you would look at him. You were a virgin in all technical terms, only having awkward sexual experiences and moments with failed flings in high school. It wasn’t a virtue thing, more of a feeling of never finding the right person. With him, you felt comfortable, and were certain that it would be enjoyable. You didn’t have to have experience to assume that. You could tell just by looking at him, by how he spoke to you. He cared about your comfortability, and that was a major green flag. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” His tone was firm.

“No, I want to.” You said quickly, making sure he knew. “I just… I want you to have a good time, and I’m just nervous, I think. I don’t want to… disappoint.” He let out a chuckle, shaking his head at the blasphemous idea.

“Yeah, that’s not even a possibility.” He shut the fear down almost as soon as it sprouted. “I’m gonna have a good time because I’m with you.” He promised. “I don’t expect anything, or anything like that. I’m more concerned with you having a good time.” He said, bringing your face down to place a soft kiss on your lips. “We’ll take it slow, okay? Make sure you enjoy yourself.” He mumbled, his mouth only millimetres away from your own. “That sound okay?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, giving a small nod. You could feel his smile from as he kissed you again.

“You can tell me to stop, or slow down, or whatever you need at any point, okay?” He explained when he pulled back. You nodded. “You can tell me what you like, too. Don’t be shy.” You nodded again. “I need to hear the words, baby.”

“Okay.” You verbally confirmed. He tapped your thigh, silently letting you know he wanted you to get up. You did so, allowing him to move over to the side.

“Lay down for me,” he said, his tone had authority but it was incredibly soft, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable. You laid back, eyes locked on his face. You were still anxious, but he was easing it more by the second. He turned onto his side to face you, guiding your face to his once more and connecting your mouths. You kissed him back with more neediness than before, excited by the idea of his hands on you. He slipped his fingers under the hem of your shirt, letting them dance over your skin so you could grow accustom to the feeling.

As he became familiar with the feeling of your body, he took his chance to deepen the kiss. You couldn’t help but let a few small moans of delight out, only fuelling him further. He went slow, working you up to speed. He didn’t want to rush you, or push you too far. He let you take the lead with progressing any further, waiting until you made a move to take an article of clothing away. When you tugged at the hem of his shirt, he moved back from you so he could pull it over his head. You let your eyes fall over his exposed torso, feeling your stomach flutter at the sight. He smiled at your expression, but didn’t say a word in fear of you feeling embarrassed. He made a move towards your waistband, watching your eyes intently as he did so. You gave him a nod of encouragement, letting him know you were okay. He hooked his fingers through the sides and slowly pulled the shorts from your body. You sat up and removed your shirt, too.

His breath caught in his throat at the sight of you in just your undergarments, having to do for a moment just to appreciate the view. “Gorgeous,” he hummed, lowering his head to you once more. He left a trail of gentle kisses across you collarbones, letting his hands trail over your exposed thighs. The minuscule touches were driving you crazy; you had no idea it could feel so good to be admired by someone. His lips moved downward, skipping over your chest and landing on your sternum. He started to get sloppier the further he progressed downwards. By the time he reached your navel, you were practically a mess. He looked up at you, eyelids heavy, taking in every detail of you. The way your chest rose and fell while you breathed, the way your lips stayed slightly parted, the way your hand felt tangled in his hair. It was driving him crazy.

He moved up again, motioning for you to lift your back from the bed. You did as he wanted, allowing him to snake his arms around you and unclasp your bra. He pulled it from your body, discarding it carelessly on the floor. He sucked a sharp breath through his teeth when he finally saw the full view. He was nestled between your legs, one hand planted beside you on the mattress, holding him up upright. His other hand returned to you, resting on your rib cage as light as a feather. He looked to you for permission before doing anything else. “I’m okay, I promise. I’ll tell you if I’m not.” You appreciated his consideration, but you were beginning to feel a bit desperate for more. He didn’t say anything, just brought his hand to your breast and brushed his thumb lightly over your hardened nipple.

The feeling was new, but very welcomed. The small touch sent a jolt of emotion through you. You watched him intently, anticipating his next movement. He brought his mouth to your nipple and pulled it into his mouth. You let out a shaky exhale at the sensation. He flicked his tongue over it a few times, really becoming familiar with you. When he pulled away, you couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed at the loss of contact. He smiled at your sigh of discontent. “Feel good?” He hummed.

“Yeah,” you breathed. He sat upright on his knees, bringing both of his hands to your hips and hooking his fingers through your underwear. You bit the inside of your lip, enthusiastic but still a bit nervous. You lifted your hips from the bed, allowing him to pull them off with ease. He tossed them to the floor, not caring where they landed. He was only concerned with you, now fully naked and laying beneath him. He caught sight of your face, noticing that your eyes were looking away from him.

“Hey,” he whispered. You finally found the courage to look up at him. “You okay, beautiful?” You were glad he disregarded your earlier statement, finding it much easier to communicate with him if he initiated it.

“Yeah, just nervous. It’s nothing you’re doing.” You promised.

“You want to stop?” You shook your head, unable to think of a worse idea. He didn’t immediately jump back to action at the expression, but spoke again after a few moments. “We’ll go slow, okay? This is for you. I wanna give you a good time.” You felt a smile growing on your lips at his words.

“Okay,” you affirmed. He leaned down, placing a soft kiss on your lips. You felt like you could live in that moment forever.

“Don’t have to be shy, or nervous. Promise I’m gonna take care of you.” He said as he pulled away. “Just tell me to stop, or slow down if you need to. You’re in charge.” You managed another nod as he sunk back between your legs. He laid on his stomach, head inches from your heat. You felt the anxiety lingering, but it was rapidly overtaken by excitement. He placed a few kisses on the inside of your thighs, one arm snaked under one of your legs and gently caressing the outside of your thigh. He brought his free hand to your cunt, fingers ghosting over the area. He looked up to you as if to ask permission. You gave him another nod, assuring him it was okay.

He slowly advanced, wanting to give you ample time to change your mind if you needed to. When you stayed quiet, eyes watching him with anticipation, he took it as a good sign. He ran his fingers through your folds, letting you get used to the feeling before doing anything else. You bit into the inside of your lip, trying to wrap your head around the unfamiliar sensation. It was definitely different when someone else was touching you, you noted. He gathered some of your arousal on his fingers. He spread the wetness to your clit, bringing his thumb to the sensitive area and slowly rubbing light circles into it. Your breath caught in your throat, the feeling taking you by surprise. His eyes flickered to your face, feeling a bit of satisfaction at the sound. You looked down at him, meeting his gaze and feeling a different type of pleasure at the sight.

“How’s that?” His voice was quiet, barely noticeable if not for your intent focus on his every action. “Does that feel okay?”

“Yeah,” you said, less enthralled in the movement of his hands than you were at the look on his face. He had a small smile playing on his lips, but the admiration for you he held in his eyes was worth more than words. He didn’t speak again, but kept his focus on the pattern of his thumb. He applied a bit more pressure, watching your face for a reaction. You let in a sharp intake of breath, feeling the sensation change from unfamiliar to pleasurable. His jaw clenched slightly, the sound running straight through him and settling in his bones. It was small, barely there, but it was blissful to his ears.

He worked at you for a few moments, gentle and loving with every move. It felt good, the nervousness almost completely gone, but there was enough there for you to hold yourself back. Your noises were limited, mostly from fear of embarrassment. You were so caught up in the worry of looking dumb that you were almost overlooking the scene before you. It didn’t deter him, though. If anything, it only drove him further. He was aching too hear the beautiful sounds begging to be let out, and he’d be damned if he couldn’t get them out of you. You watched him closely, not wanting to miss a moment of his presence. He leaned forward, letting a line of spit fall from his lips onto his fingers. You swallowed hard, the small action sending a rush of pleasure through you.

He ran his fingers through your cunt again, making sure the lubrication didn’t go to waste. His middle finger slowed and eventually stopped just before your entrance. “Tell me if you’re uncomfortable, okay?” He asked, but his tone was more of a demand. You nodded, too caught up in the idea of his fingers almost inside of you to worry about anything else. After a second, he slowly sunk his finger into you, studying you for any sign of discomfort. When you went without protest, he fully pushed his finger in, letting his thumb fall back on your clit. He continued his circles, now adding the stimulation of pumping his finger into you. You let a breathy moan out, unable to hold it back anymore. “That’s it baby,” he practically groaned, ecstatic to hear the noise. “You’re doing s’good.” The praise, although unexpected, was very well received. Knowing that he was enjoying himself solely by pleasuring you was a fantastic feeling. Knowing that he was only concerned with you feeling good was enough to satiate the anxiety.

He continued his pace for a while, eventually adding another finger when you felt you were ready. You were a mess, caught up in the pleasure but worried, too, because you hadn’t felt the creep of an impending orgasm. His hand was steady, never wavering, and his eyes were locked on you. Every so often, he pressed his lips into the skin on your thighs or your hipbones, just as a small act of affection. “Sam, I-I don’t know if I’m gonna cum.” You admitted, voice shaky and a bit defeated.

“You will,” he promised, unfazed by the statement. “Don’t be nervous.”

“I just…” you let out a sigh, frustrated with yourself. “It’s not you, it’s me.” He pulled back, halting his movements.

“I can stop if that’s what you want, baby.” His words were coated with sincerity. “Or are you just worried you can’t cum?” He inquired.

“I don’t want you to stop, I’m having a good time. I just don’t know if I can.” You explained, feeling embarrassment settle in your chest.

“I’ve got all night.” He said, shrugging off the worry. “Can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing.” He gave you a smile.

“I want you to have a good time, too, though.”

“Oh, I am.” His tone changed from gentle to firm. “Don’t worry about that.” You watched him with uncertainty, but the look in his eye was nothing but affirmative of his statement. “Don’t worry about anything. Just lay there and focus on how it feels, okay?” You nodded. “No worries about if you’re gonna cum or not, no worrying about me having a good time, just relax and enjoy the feeling. If you don’t cum, we’ll try again next time.” Your heard sped at the realization that he was planning on this being more than a one-time thing. It was comforting, knowing that he was learning about you so intimately, but wasn’t planning on running. He didn’t want to get your clothes off and never speak to you again like the majority of boys you’d ever known.

“Y-yeah, okay.” You replied. He cocked his head to the side, wondering why the hesitation was so present. “You, uh… next time?” He couldn’t help but grin at your question.

“I mean, yeah, if you want that, of course.”

“Yeah, I do.” You rushed out, hoping you hadn’t made him feel otherwise.

“Then it’s settled.” He hummed. “Not just the sex part, though. The dinner and the hanging out was great, and I’d very much like to do that, too.” You let out a small giggle at his words, finding the explanation cute.

“Me, too.” You assured him.

“Breakfast tomorrow?” He asked, a smirk on the corner of his lips. He started to move his fingers again, taking you by surprise. You let out a gasp at the suddenness, immediately feeling the pleasure return.

“S-sure,” you breathed, giving him a nod. He decided to stop messing with you, wanting to ensure you were as comfortable as you could be. He worked himself back up to his earlier pace, making it nearly impossible for you to think of anything else. He let another trail of spit fall onto his fingers, making sure it wasn’t too dry for you.

After a few moments, you did start to feel a little less insecure. His eyes were watching you, studying every minute detail. He noticed the rise and fall of your chest speed as he continued pumping his fingers in and out of you, the way you occasionally pulled your bottom lip between your teeth in attempt to silence yourself. He watched how your eyebrows furrowed slightly when he brushed over your clit just right, and how your eyes stayed almost permanently shut. He thought you were the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. Eventually, a blissful moan slipped from your mouth as his fingers hit the perfect spot. His eyes rolled back slightly, soaking up the sound. “That’s it, baby.” He encouraged you, fingers never stopping.

The words of motivation helped ease your tension. Your stiffness dissipated, your shoulders relaxing back on the pillows a bit. Your neck let your head fall back, leaving you completely at ease for the time being. A few more short-lived moans fell from your lips, all hitting him with a stronger force each time. “Doing so good, princess.” He said, noticing the effect his words had on you last time. “Cum for me, baby. You can do it.” He whispered. The demand went straight to your core, and you started to feel a sensation grow in the pit of your stomach. It was a feeling you’d only ever given yourself; it was way more intense when produced by another person.

“Fuck, Sam.” You whimpered, a gentle warning that you were getting closer. His heart drummed against his chest, clearly excited at the obscene proclamation. He took a risk, removing his thumb from your clit and lowering his head until his lips were touching you. You didn’t realize what he was doing until his tongue darted over the sensitive nerves, causing an involuntarily buck of your hips. He used his hand that was hooked under your leg to hold you down on the mattress.

Your fear of not being able to cum was quickly diminished with the new, even more unfamiliar feeling. It was heavenly. You let a low groan out, feeling the knot in your belly tighten. You slipped your hand down and tangling your fingers in the roots of his hair. He pulled his mouth off you only for a second, just to get one more praise in. “Taste so good, princess.” He said, slipping his thumb back in place of his mouth. You could only whimper in response, already missing the feeling of his tongue. “That’s it, baby. Look at you,” he whispered the last part more to himself than anything else. He only let his eyes hover over your expression for a moment longer, returning his tongue to you.

It didn’t take long to get to where he wanted you to be. Within a few minutes, you were gripping at his hair, panting and moaning, your orgasm begging you to let go. His tongue was moving at a steady pace, and his fingers curled with every re-entry, hitting a spot inside you that nothing ever had before. You let your head fall back, feeling the pressure reach its peak. A wave of pleasure overtook you, setting every nerve in your body on fire. You managed his name through the slur of moans, clenching around his fingers as you came. He only tapered his speed when the intensity began to die down. He removed his mouth first, then slowly pulled his fingers from you. His eyes flickered towards your face, lust clouding his eyes as he did so.

He slowly moved upwards, placing a few kisses over your collarbones and up onto your neck. You finally found the strength to open your eyes and look to him. He caught your gaze and gave you a dopey smile, eyelids heavy and your arousal glistening on his lips. “That’s my beautiful girl,” he hummed, wiping his chin with the back of his hand before leaning in for a kiss. “I’m so proud of you.” He whispered as he parted from you. He placed another kiss on your lips, sweet and full of emotion. The anxiety that had been plaguing you on and off was now gone, replaced solely by a desire for him that you’d never felt for another person before. “Did that feel good?”

“So good, Sammy.” You said, your lips still ghosting over his. You could feel his erection straining against his sweatpants, pressing into your leg.

“My name sounds so good when you say it like that.” He sighed, one hand roaming your exposed torso. His touch was light, tickling the sensitive skin over your rib cage as he did so.

“Thank you,” you whispered, resting your cheek against his, basking in the affection.

“Don’t have to thank me, princess.” He replied. “If anything, I should be thanking you.” You let out a small laugh at his words, finding his gratefulness charming. You reached up and cupped his cheek in your hand, lifting your head to pull him into another kiss. He was hesitant to let you go when you pulled away.

“Do you wanna…?” You trailed off, feeling a bit too embarrassed to finish the sentence.

“Do you?” He asked.

“Yeah,” you breathed, never more sure of yourself in your whole life. He gave you a smile, making a move to stand. He undid the drawstring on his pants, then pulled them down, ridding himself of them and leaving himself clad in only his boxers. You couldn’t help but stare at him, eyes wandering but eventually settling on the bulge barely contained by the fabric. He noticed your stare, a smirk making its way back onto his lips.

“Condoms?” He asked, catching your attention. Your eyes widened, realizing that you didn’t have any.

“Oh, I uh- I didn’t really expect… I don’t..”

“That’s okay,” he chuckled. “I have some in my room. I can go get them.” You couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy, realizing that he’d been keeping them for a reason. You pushed the thought away, not wanting to focus on the idea of him being with someone else. He was here with you, and that’s what mattered.

“I, uh, I am on birth control, if you’re clean.” You squeaked, slightly embarrassed at the statement.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” He said, his tone firm.

“Yeah, I am.” You assured him. “Like I said, as long as you’re clean.” You repeated the earlier comment, just wanting to be sure.

“I am,” he promised. “It’s been a long time since… yeah.” He let out a small laugh. You couldn’t help but feel better knowing he hadn’t been sleeping around, either.

“Then yeah, I’m okay with it.” He gave a nod, making a move to take off his boxers. You watched in admiration, excited to finally see him the same as he was seeing you. He kicked the fabric with the rest of the growing pile of clothes. He stepped back towards the bed, noticing your eyes never leaving him. “You’re… very pretty.” You whispered, unable to find any better words to describe him.

“I think you’re very pretty, too.” He smiled, nestling back between your legs as he grabbed a pillow from beside you. “Lift your hips up, princess.” You did as he said and he slipped the cushion underneath you. “Should make it a bit more comfortable.”

He guided your legs up slightly, not enough to bend you in an awkward position, but enough to make it easier for both of you. “Will it hurt?” You finally blurted out, the question begging to be spoken all night.

“May be a bit uncomfortable at first, but I’m gonna try my best to make sure it doesn’t.” He said, catching your gaze. “We can take it as slow as you want. If you want me to stop, just tell me.”

“Okay.” You replied, voice quiet. You were nervous, but very aware that you were in good hands. It was his only intention to make sure you enjoyed yourself. You watched as he spit on his hand, rubbing himself for a moment.

“You okay?” He asked, wanting to be sure.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be scared to talk to me, baby.” He reminded. You nodded, eyes only focused on his hand that was he was stroking himself with. He moved a bit closer, letting the tip of his dick rest against your entrance. He let you get used to the feeling before going any further. “You tell me when you’re ready.”

“I am.” You weren’t lying; the anxiety and nervousness was fully expected, but you were more than ready to have sex with him. You were sure of that before you’d even spoken with him, and it was only solidified further when you saw how accommodating he was being with you. He waited for any hesitation, but when none was given, he slowly pushed his hips forward.

You closed your eyes, trying your best to stay relaxed. He only pushed in a few inches, wanting you to adjust before continuing. “That okay?” He asked. You nodded, reaching out for his hand. He took his own from your leg and accepted the offer, intertwining his fingers with yours. He thrusted forward a bit more, studying your expression for a hint of discomfort. When he bottomed out, you let out a small sigh of relief.

“Not as bad as I thought it would be.” You noted. He laughed quietly, happy you thought so.

“You’re doing so good.” He whispered. “You feel so good.” His words sent a jolt of arousal through you, enjoying the praise more than you imagined you would. He slowly built up a pace, moving his hips with caution. Once you’d fully realized the sensation was less than uncomfortable, you relaxed against him. After a few more moments, you began to enjoy the feeling.

“You can go faster,” you sighed, a ghost of a moan in your words. He was hesitant to do so, but he gradually sped his thrusts, admiring your expression. When he clued in to the fact you were enjoying yourself, he couldn’t help but let a groan escape his lips. Your eyes snapped to his face, thinking that was the most beautiful sound you’d ever heard. His pleasure ridden expression was enough to induce an orgasm on its own, you deducted.

He reached his hand between your legs, letting his thumb find your clit again. He continued his pace, now applying light pressure onto the sensitive bundle of nerves as he circled his thumb. The combined sensations caused a moan from you. Your fingers tightened against his hand, a silent expression of pleasure. “Fuck, Sam.” You sighed, letting your head fall back onto the pillows.

“Look so pretty like this, baby.” He mumbled, trying to keep the speed of his hips and his hand the same. The pet names were unexpected, but you loved hearing them come from his mouth, especially when they sounded like that. “Wish I could have you like this forever.” He sighed, losing himself to the feeling a bit. It didn’t take long for another knot to form in your belly. With the consistency of his movements, it was much easier to get there than it was the first time. Sam noticed the slight change in your demeanour, the increase in the noises you were making. He focused on your face, wanting to watch you this time, feeling a bit cheated out of the moment the first time. “You think you can cum again, princess?” He asked, eyes burning into you.

“Y-yeah,” you stuttered, looking up at him. “Feels so good, Sammy.”

“Come on, baby.” He sounded as if he were begging you. “Doing so good for me.” With his encouragement, you felt your orgasm creep up again. You tried your best to keep your eyes on him, wanting to appreciate him as much as possible. He sped his thumb slightly, causing your breath to catch in your throat. His gaze never wavered, an unspoken plea for you to let go. It only took a moment before you came the second time. Your head fell back again, eyes screwed shut and mouth permanently agape. His jaw was clenched, holding himself back from his own release at the sound of you crying his name. “That’s it,” he moaned, wishing he could engrave the picture in his mind forever. As much as he wanted to cum, too, he was hoping to get one more out of you before the night came to an end.

The pressure from his thumb lightened, but his thrusts sped. You didn’t have time to recover, unlike the first time. The sensitivity was overtaken by the pleasure of him inside you, making it the only thing you could focus on. You looked back at him, realizing your mistake as soon as you did. He was still staring at you, eyes now a bit feral. The muscles in his jaw were taut, and he was quite unfamiliar to you, now. Although different, not in a bad way. It was intense, but far from menacing. You were captivated in the details of his stare, finding yourself unable to look away. He was breathtaking, and you couldn’t believe you were lucky enough to have him in such a way. You couldn’t believe that you had the power to drive him to such a feeling.

“You can give me one more, baby, I know you can.” His motivation was clouded with a bit of dominance, giving you the impression that he wouldn’t be pleased with himself if he couldn’t give you another orgasm.

“I don’t know, Sammy.” You groaned, unsure of yourself but still fully immersed in the feeling of him inside you.

“You can, princess. You can do it.” His chest was heaving with every breath, partially due to his movement, but more to do with desire. There was a glisten of sweat on his forehead, illuminated by the dim light flooding through the window. You didn’t think you’d be able to cum for the first time, let alone a second, or a third. The only anxiety you had left in your body was one fearing you’d leave him disappointed. Rationally, you knew he’d be content with whatever happened, but the louder part of your brain craved to give him exactly what he wanted. It wasn’t out of fear, but solely because you wanted to. From the minute he’d given you that first stupid smile all those months ago, you knew you wanted to be exactly where you were at that moment, and you’d be damned if you didn’t give it your all.

His patience and gentleness with you the whole night was endearing, but for you, the novelty of it being your first time had worn off, and the months of sexual tension was reaching its peak. You were both completely starved for each other in the best way possible, neither of you wanting to disappoint. Sam kept his pace steady, his thumb pressing into your clit again. To both of you, the idea of another orgasm not being reached was out of the question. “I can, but you have to cum with me.” You begged.

“That’s what I like to hear,” he grunted, letting out a long exhale. He knew that wouldn’t be an issue, he’d been holding himself back from the minute you’d started fucking. He rationed with himself as another string of moans left your lips, forcing himself to believe that waiting would be far more satisfactory than finishing before you. “Cum for me, angel.” The new term of endearment was unlike the others; this one hit you violently, such a graceful term for such a filthy display. You let out a cry of pleasure, your third climax hitting you without warning. It washed over you with necessity, as if you needed it to survive. He finally let go of your hand, fingers finding your hips to hold you on him as he came, too.

The room echoed with sounds of pleasure and obscene words, the essence of the moment settling into the walls and solidifying its place. The memory would never leave, and you wouldn’t want it any other way. He let out a sigh, finally losing his composure and resting gently atop of you. He placed tender kisses along your collarbones, small gestures of affection and appreciation to let you know he still meant everything he said to you. After you both came back to reality, he slowly withdrew from you. He tried to keep the mess minimal as he did so, wanting to keep the cleanup simple so he had more time to hold you before the night was through. “You should go pee, don’t want you to get a UTI.” He mumbled. You managed a nod, sleep calling to you like never before. Your mind and body were beyond exhausted, unable to keep up with the whirlwind of events.

He helped you up and to the bathroom, leaving you to your business. You cleaned yourself up and removed what was left of your makeup before returning to him. He gave you a dopey smile and a kiss on the head before going to do the same. You took a seat on the bed, mind still buzzing with excitement at the thought of what happened. When he came back out, he pulled his boxers back on and picked up his t-shirt from the ground. He handed it to you, almost nervous of rejection. You took the piece of clothing and slipped it over your head, more than happy to be wearing his clothes. “Did… did you maybe want to stay with me tonight?” You asked, nervous he’d say no. He took a seat beside you, pulling you into his arms and laying you both down on the mattress.

“Was hoping you’d ask.” He mumbled, pulling your back to his chest. He nuzzled his head into your neck, not caring about the tickle of your hair on his face.

“Thank you,” you finally said after a few long moments of silence.

“What are you thanking me for?”

“I don’t know,” you laughed. “That was… fantastic. You were fantastic.”

“I’m just happy you had a good time. That’s all I wanted.” He hummed, hand snaking under your shirt to rest on your stomach.

“I really did. I.. uh, wanted to do that for a while.” You said, rolling your eyes at your own awkwardness.

“Oh, yeah, me too.” He said, as if it were obvious. “All year I felt like I was in middle school again, crushing on the prettiest girl who didn’t know I existed.”

“I knew you existed.” You whispered, calmed at the knowledge you’d both been feeling the same way. “I thought the same about you.”

“Seems like we were both a bit dumb, then, Picasso.” You could hear his smile in his words.

“Guess so, piano man.” You both fell into a silence again, but like all the other ones, it was nothing short of comfortable. You felt yourself melt into his touch, sleep begging you to close your eyes.

“You’re okay, though? You’re not sore, or anything? You’d tell me if you were, right?”

“Yeah, I am, Sammy. Promise.” You reassured him. He’d done an excellent job at taking care of you and ensuring you were comfortable. It was the best possible scenario you could have imagined for your first time.

“That’s good, I just want to make sure.” He whispered. You settled into the mattress, prepared to go to bed. “So, if we’re talking experience wise, like a three star review?” He broke the quiet once more, causing both of you to fall into a fit of laughter.

“Mmm, I was thinking more of a five star, actually.” You pretended to ponder.

“Don’t stroke my ego, Picasso.” He dismissed the compliment.

“Maybe we’ll have to try it again sometime, then I can give a proper review.” You moved your hand under your shirt, too, resting it on top of his. He laced your fingers together, more than accepting of the contact.

“I think that would be quite alright.” He placed a kiss to your neck, just below your ear. It sent a shiver down your spine. “So it was good enough to make you want to do it again,” he noted. “I’ll have to put that one on my resume.” You laughed, shaking your head at his antics.

“Goodnight, piano man.” You said, finality in your voice. He propped himself up, trying his best to lean over you for another kiss. You turned your head back to meet his lips, much more confident in the action, now.

“Goodnight, Picasso.” He settled back in behind you, closing his eyes, too. “I can’t wait to take you to breakfast in the morning.” No more words were exchanged, but you both fell into a slumber with a permanent smile stuck on your lips.

[iivenusii]

The Key Is Within

From Neville to Edward Art, to all LOA Tumblr blogs, there is only one core idea that is constantly being preached thousands of times, over and over again in different wordings and fonts. That is “Nothing to change but the self”. 

When you read success stories or Law of Assumption posts, you will always notice that when they succeeded in manifesting something in the 3D, all of these people experienced a change within, a shift in their inner mindset. 

There is not one exception who just sat in their room all day wondering why their manifestations aren’t here yet, because that is not the Law works. 

I used to constantly try to impose change on the 3D, wondering and doubting myself every single hour if “I was doing it right” or “what if it doesn’t work”. I was trying so hard to change something outside of me and affirming aimlessly. I used to “persist” for two days and then fall back to the same cycle time after time, ending up at the same spot I was. It was draining, as if I was chasing my own tail. I thought I understood the law so well, but now I realise I had no clue at all.  

Everything stems from you and is created by you. Your 3D is a mirror that reflects what your inner world - which are your imagination and assumptions.  When you don’t like your outfit, you never blame the mirror, it’s simply showing you what you are wearing. To be satisfied, it would only make sense for you to remove the outfit you dislike and put on a new outfit you love. Law of Assumption works exactly the same. 

When you desire a change, you sole goal is to change the mind. When the inner world changes, everything naturally follows after. The 3D is merely doing its job and reflecting your inner world and it is not your job to go about trying to force change upon it, it would be like wondering why your outfit hasn’t changed when you’re just standing at the mirror. 

Manifestation techniques and tools like affirmations, SATS, void state, subliminals, visualisation etc work not because they are powerful in itself, but it’s because they help you to change your inner world. It’s YOU that is holding the paint brush of your reality. 

Your world is simply YOUR imagination, which YOU control. I repeat, YOU ARE IN CONTROL. Feel that power. In imagination, you say “Let there be light” and there will be light, you can decide “I want to fly” and you will fly, you are God. Imagination is the only reality there is. The 3D is within your 4D, which is your consciousness and your imagination. Think of how much freedom you have, that whatever you can imagine you can have right now. 

When you desire something, you must fulfil it within. If you are capable of creating a desire, then you are able to materialise it. Whenever you want something, I want you to imagine having it right now. Don’t worry about the 3D or if you are doing it correctly. Just experience it and fall in love with it. Dwell in the feeling of your desires being a present fact and accept it. Give yourself everything you have ever wanted in imagination. Be bold. Go big. Try this and you will find that it is the fulfilment within that you are really seeking. The key has always been inside you. 

[firstemcee]

“Nah, It’s all good.”

Veneer x Male!Hip-Hop/Rap artist!Reader (can be read as female or gn, i jus feel like they’re male leaning. uses amab pronouns.)

Part 1(you’re here)—Part 2—

Warnings: just cursing, as far as I know. Reader is written to talk like how I do, which might be a bit confusing to some. No use of y/n.

wc: 799

Summary: Finally getting your first vinyl on the shelves of the record shop that was practically your whole childhood was a huge accomplishment. That accomplishment also came with the well known pop-star coming to get one signed!

THIS IS ALSO MY FIRST FANFIC!! This part is gonna focus more on reader, the second will focus more on Veneer.

thank you @nym-blogs and @miralunawritez for helping me and giving me tips!!! I owe y’all, seriously 🙏🏽

“I can’t be happier my record’s being sold here, man. Really, i’m honored.” You smiled, giving the owner of the small record shop a subtle nod as you spoke with genuine happiness in your tone.

This record shop had been around since you were just a kid, and now you’ve got your first record on the shelves…here. It was just perfect.

The owner gave a small nod in return with a smile, going back to…whatever he was working on.

Award Tour (feat. Trugoy the Dove) - A Tribe Called Quest (I’d say listen to it just for vibes, but you don’t gotta) played quietly in your wired headphones, causing you to slightly nod your head to the beat as you made your way through the isles full of records in search of your own.

You never thought you’d end up here. Doing rap battles in middle school, messing around with different beats in your parent’s basement. Now you’ve finally made a name for yourself.

It brought a huge smile to your face, really. Like a kid getting just what they asked for on christmas, it was perf-

“Oh- I’m so sorry.” A guy spoke softly with hands raised in defense before you after bumping into you. You recognized this guy, who was it again…?

“Nah, it’s all good.” You spoke with a smile and a slight nod to the person who you had finally identified as the overnight pop-star, Veneer. “Nice to see you here.” You murmured, not wanting to cause too much disruption to him. You figured he was used to being interrupted when out, so you wouldn’t give him the whole: ‘Oh my godd, you’re that famous guy!! What’re you doing here—‘

Once you had finally made your way to your record, you gently picked one of them up with a proud sigh and the smile of an accomplished father. You couldn’t help but admire the art, the font, the…everything. Shit, it was yours! You’d look at it all you wanted.

You weren’t gonna look at it forever, of course. You set it down and left the store for a moment to go get a drink from one of the vending machines outside of the shop, returning to the checkout area afterwards while sipping your Fanta.

“You know, some couple just bought your record. First hour and you already got a sale, man.” Your friend at the register subtly congratulated you, earning a smile back.

Sure, one sale in an hour wasn’t much. But you were trying to break out of the underground rap. Plus, it’s a small store, you convinced yourself.

Off of work for the day, you decided to pay the shop a visit…again.

And in that visit, you found yourself looking around the back rooms behind the counter curiously. Until your name was called. “Uh— Yea! Give me a minute…” You murmured informally, stumbling out of the creaky door before making eye contact with the pop-star…again.

“He wants you to sign a record.” Lenny, one of the two guys that ever worked here spoke flatly before handing you a nice pack of bold markers with a raised brow.

“It’s a few. Just for a friend.” Veneer placed three of your vinyls on the counter before you with a sheepish smile. It’s not every day that you were the one signing something for a famous person. So of course, you picked up the yellow paint marker and gave him a small thank you before staring down at the vinyl. “Shit. How does my signature go again…?”

You shook your head to dismiss your thoughts and signed all three in yellow, brows furrowed for a moment as you smoothly glided the marker along. So focused that you didn’t notice the absolute daggers Veneer was staring into you as he watched you do so.

“So, do you uh…come here often?” Veneer asks, snapping out of his small trance and clasping his hands together in front of his chest. His poor choice of small talk made you crack a smile.

“On occasion, yeah. It’s a spot I used to come to a lot as a kid, brings back good memories.” You tried to make him more comfortable, noting his nervousness.

You handed the three back after they had dried, and set the maker down. Of course you weren’t gonna charge him.

Veneer, typically caught up in his fame, never spent any time venturing into different genres of music besides his own. So when he came over to his friends house and happily handed her her birthday gift, the signed vinyls, he was incredibly curious to hear this guy’s music. He had a pretty face, it couldn’t be that bad…

“Oh. My. G- No you didn’t.” The girl’s jaw dropped as she looked over the gift, then to Veneer. Then the gift, then Veneer…before trapping him in a suffocating hug.

“Okay! okay, oh my god, you’re welcome girl—“ Veneer stammered and patted her back with a loud laugh, though desperately trying to make her let go.

When the two eventually started listening to the music, Veneer was practically entranced. It was so different from him and Velvet’s style!

It was so energetic, but still just…calm. And it conveyed so many different emotions and there were so many words—

Clearly he wasn’t used to it.

But he didn’t mind it, not at all.

Again, this is my first fanfic!! I’d appreciate any tips you guys have if i end up doing a second part. Thank you so much for reading.

under no circumstances do i accept you posting my shit on other sites. don’t.

[glassartpeasants]

Run Rabbit Run .09

Yandere!Eustass Kidd x F!Reader

Warnings: angst, mentions of past abuse, pregnancy, implications of death,

A/N: So since theres gonna be a little more people in this chapter then usually so some people are gonna have the same colors but different size fonts to indicate a different persons talking. hope its not to confusing. The key to help for people with the same color is below

Chopper- small orange Nami- regular orange

music playlist

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10 pt.11

~~~

“We’re here! Everyone assume positions and get ready to dock!” The sound of thunderous footsteps and Tashigi’s voice breaks through your nap. You rub your eyes as the sun shines through the windows of the bunk room. 

“Wake up (Y/N)! We’re at Sabaody!” Tashigi’s voice once again cuts through the silence as she calls out to you from behind the door.

“Mmh, I’m up…just give me a second.” You stretch gently before gathering the strength to push yourself up. Breathing heavily, you manage to sit up, the purple turtleneck you wore slightly riding up before you pull it back down. You grab your hat from beside you and position it so that it keeps your hair in place and hides the scar along your face.

“Do you need help picking up your things?” The door opens as Tashigi peaks inside to check up on you.

“That’d be wonderful. I can’t really pick up things like that anymore, haha.” You watch her grab some things and hand them to you before she carries some things herself.

“There's no need to do that. I’m going to have to carry it after I get off the ship.”

“I’m using it as an excuse to just hang out with you for a little longer. Smoker might make me do something.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the slight pout on Tashigi’s face. Yet, you were happy you’d be able to talk to her as friends before you guys became ‘enemies.’ The thought made your heart bleed, but there was nothing you could do about it. Even if you were enemies outside, you’d always be friends in your soul.

The thought of not being woken up and seeing the smiling faces of G-5 marines made a small voice inside you tell you to stay. That you’ll miss them more then you think you would. It was like an earworm replaying the same song over and over again. But when you bite your tongue harshly, all those thoughts leave, and the voice telling you to return to the Straw Hats and that your almost home comes back. It’ll always be hard, never being able to talk to them peacefully ever again. But the memories will soothe the pain. 

“Captain! We’’ve docked! We’re on tree 30!” One of the marines notifies Tashigi and you on th ebay that the ship was anchored. Thankfully, quite a bit away yet close enough to bay 41. While you weren’t looking forward to walking that far, it’d be worth it in teh end to see everyone.

“Here’s to hoping my shoes don’t get drenched in whatever makes those bubbles here.”

“It actually doesn’t! Truly weird stuff. Have you never been to Sabaody before?”

“I’ve been here but haven’t actually been on land. Just a quick sight as we passed by to head to the new world.”

“It’s a pretty place but also full of bad people. Bounty hunters, other pirates, and not to mention those disgusting Celestial dragons. Makes me sick.”

“Anyone sane would want to see those horrible people go down.”

Memories of the Celestial Dragons you encountered two years ago flood your mind as you hold back the urge to vomit everywhere. You remember a conversation you had with Killer months ago when you were still under Kidd’s lies. How he told you about how the Celestial Dragons mark their slaves by burning their symbol into their skin. Almost exactly like the jolly roger scarred into your own. Once again, though, you escaped your kidnapper's clutches. But there's so many people who’ll never be given the chance you’ve had. Never be able to see the sun as a free person.

‘No. Don’t dwell on that. Today’s supposed to be happy. Stop thinking about things you can’t control.’

“Well, this is it.” As soon as you were 20 feet from the ship, you and Tashigi stopped. Turning around to face the ship, you saw everyone gather to say goodbye, including Vice Admiral Smoker.

“So this is it, huh?”

“I guess so.” A little chuckle leaves your lips before it turns into tears. Despite trying your best to silence them, they continue to flow.

“I’m so thankful for all of you…You’ve always done so much for me, and there's nothing I can do to repay you. I’m going to miss you all so much.” You can feel Tashigi wrap her arms around you before starting to cry as well.

“Don’t leave (Y/N)! Stay with us!” The two of you held each other tight as tears continued to cry harder.

“I’m sorry! We can still be friends regardless of our sides!” Tears made your vision blurry as you held onto Tashigi for a little while longer before leaving her embrace. Walking up to Vice Admiral Smoker, you lower your head.

“Thank you for everything, Vice Admiral. I promise to protect the honor of G-5 and take down any pirate who dares speak ill of you. And I also promise that no civilian will be hurt by my hands.”

“They better not. Now, get out of here before I change my mind.” With a chuckle, you lift up your head and grab your things with Tashigi’s help.

“Oh, Tashigi, one more thing before I go. I have to ask you something.” With all the overthinking you’ve been doing, a scenario popped up in your head that you couldn’t help but ask her to be a part of.

“What is it?”

“If, by some chance, I do end up keeping the baby with me, and I happen to pass away, would you take care of them for me? Like a godmother or something?” Once again, you were wrapped up in Tashigi’s arms as she cried.

“I’m so honored! Of course, I will. Oh my god (Y/N), you're so sweet!” The two of you hug a little longer before separating. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you wave to the other marines, who wave back to you.

“Goodbye, everyone! I love you all!” With a final wave, you turn your back and make your way to the thousand sunny.

“Do you think she’ll be safe? I can’t help but worry.” Smoker watched as the captain of G-5 gently wiped her tears away. How a single pirate managed to worm her way into the hearts of G-5 will forever be a mystery to outsiders.

“She’ll be fine. As much as I’d like to arrest those Straw Hats right now, I’ll wait. We’ll definitely be seeing each other again. A pirate can only escape for so long.” Crossing his arms, he watches you walk away.

He’s never met someone like you in all his years on earth. Someone who’s been through hell twice yet still has kindness to give to a world that turned their back on her. How you’ve managed to pull through all these months was a miracle. So many nights, people were awakened to the sound of your cries from the night terrors you suffered, but no one said a word about it to him until a day ago. To suffer all that and still find a way to smile is a trait not many can say they have. It’s admirable.

“Let’s get ready to go back to the New World. Everyone get ready!”

“Yes, Vice Admiral!” Watching the Marines scatter helps Smoker ignore the sadness in his chest. Despite how he’d outwardly deny it, he’ll miss you. You can only hang out with someone for so long before they worm their way into your heart. And somehow, you managed to set up a place without meaning, too.

~~~

‘This place is much bigger than I remember. I hope I’m going the right way. Not like I can ask for directions.' You were trying to avoid the public eye yet not look suspicious, so you just kept your head down. With your hair covering your scar and your hat hiding your face, a slight sense of safety coursed through your veins. But not enough for you to ignore the wanted posters that had your face scattered everywhere. Even though there was so much noise around you, you still managed to catch your name being talked about.

“When the hell are the Marines going to catch her? Doesn’t she know the destruction and death she’s caused?!”

“She should just go back to Captain Kidd. Everyone would be safer and happier. She’s being selfish.” Those words make you stop in your tracks as a rage boils inside you. You know you promised Smoker that you wouldn’t lay a hand on a civilian, but how dare they call you that? They don’t know what you’ve been through. How can they tell you what you should do when they haven’t experienced anything you have?

“Let’s not forget she’s pregnant! The most infamous worst-gen pirate has a child! No doubt that child is going to be just like their dad!” Your knuckles turn white from how hard you were gripping your belongings. Every cell in yoru body begged for you to teach them a lesson. To tell people that they had no right to treat you the way they were. That if they went through what you went through, they wouldn’t be talking the way they were. You can feel your body shake in anger as they continue to talk.

‘I have to keep moving. I’m gonna do something I’ll regret if I don’t.’ Taking a deep breath, you begin to fast walk away from the two civilians. You’ve come too far to blow your cover now.

“300,000,00 berri’s if given to Captain Kidd, but only 100,000,000 if given to the Marines? Why would anyone turn her into the Marines if the price Kidd is asking is much higher?”

“Right?”

‘Just keep walking. Just keep walking.’ Water begins to appear at your tear line as you try to ignore the angry tears that threaten to spill. Your heart beats hard as you look at the ground, only sneaking glances at the trees to see that faithful 41.

“Please leave me alone! I’ll give you all my money. Just let me go!” A woman screaming caught your attention, making you scan your surroundings. When you turned your head to the right, down a dark alley, you saw a large masked man gripping a woman's wrist harshly. The scene triggered your own memory of being in her shoes.

“Please! Just let me go! I-I’ll give you all the money I have! Just let me go!” You try to pry his meaty hand off your wrist, but inside, you know it was pointless. It seemed your desperate attempt amused him.

“Now, why would I let something I caught fair and square go?” The way his eyes looked up and down your body made a shiver go down your spine.

“I could get a pretty penny selling you as a slave. You don’t mind, do you?”

“No! Someone help me!” You begged for someone to help her. The chances of your cover being blown would multiply if you jumped in. Yet, the more seconds that went by, the more your hope diminished. Images of that man two years ago, the day everything happened, popped into your head. The man begged for help, and all he wanted was to see his family, but no one did anything. All they did was ignore him as those horrible people arrived and killed him.

You couldn’t do anything then, but maybe now, you could.

Picking up your bags, you walk into the dark alley, your heart beating wildly. Looking up just enough to see the man’s chest, you crack your knuckles before speaking.

“Didn’t you hear her? Let her go.” The sounds of struggling stopped before a raspy laugh left the man.

“Your kidding me? A pregnant lady trying to jump in and help? What are you gonna do? Waddle over here and give birth on me?” His words only made you see red.

“I’m going to give you one more chance. Let her go, or else.” The familiar tingling in your fingertips reemerges as you wait for the man’s next move. Your fingers twitch as you can hear barely silent crackling.

“Oh, I’m so scared!” The man mocked you and seemingly gripped the woman's wrist harder. 

“You're hurting me!” As those final words leave the woman’s mouth, you curl your fingers into claws before feeling the tingling get stronger and the crackling gets louder.

Light began filling the dark alley, flashing and flickering as the ball of pure electricity in your hand started forming. Each snap of electricity only made you pour more anger into your attack.

“A devil fruit user? Go figure. Just because you have some powers doesn’t change the fact that you're weak-” After deeming it has enough charge, you throw it straight for the masked man. You watch him try to dodge, only to have it hit him directly in the chest.

The woman manages to pull her wrist free from the man’s grip before running behind you. Both of you watch as the ball of electricity disperses and runs across his entire body. You watch him grab his chest before falling back and landing on the ground with a heavy thud. Without saying a word, you watch as the man spasms on the ground, trying to get a breath in.

“We need to go now.” With the woman nodding, you both quickly walk away from the alley and into the road. Having all your belongings in your hands, you feel slightly drained. Your lungs burn as your mouth goes dry. Sure, you’ve used your devil fruit powers on pirates while in G-5, but that stopped when you found out you were pregnant. So it’s been months since you’ve used it on anyone.

“Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you anywhere else, right?”

“No. And yes, I’m okay.”

“Good.” Turning your back, you begin walking towards Grove 41 once again.

“Wait!”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. I don’t know what would have happened to me if you hadn’t come.”

“No problem. Just make sure you stop using back alleys and stay on public roads.”

“I will.” You watch the woman run in the opposite direction from you and take that as your cue to continue your original quest.

~~~

After walking for what felt like hours, the familiar smiling lion comes into view, and you feel your heart jump in your chest. Seeing the thousand sunny after being in the dark for so long felt like seeing a miracle happen before your eyes. A new-found energy bursts inside you as you start walking faster with a new vigor.

‘I’m here! I’m here!’ Holding your belongings with a crushing grip, you can feel a huge smile spread to your face. You could hear laughter the closer you got, and your heart felt as if it were going to explode!

Soon enough, you were close enough to where you were able to see a clear view of the crew. You try to speak, but nothing seems to come out. It felt like it was a dream. Even though you were speechless, your presence seemed to be enough as a familiar face called out to you.

“(Y/N)?!” You watch her run up to you along with the others.

“(Y/N)!”

Not even seconds pass before you're encased in a hug. The feeling of being near them was enough to have you start sobbing. Being surrounded by pure love and care but the people you owe your life to felt unreal. You’ve dreamed of this moment for so long, and now that it is finally here, you don’t know where to start.

“You're okay! I was so worried about you!”

“Yeah, me too!”

“We all were,”

“I missed you all so much…I’m so happy!" Despite your limited ability, you try to hold everyone close to you. It’s been so long since you’ve been so happy that the feeling almost felt foreign.

“I can’t believe this is real. I was so afraid I’d never see you guys again!”

“Come on! Let’s go sit down now. I bet you're tired.” Through your tears, you nod as you let them take you aboard the Sunny. You notice a shiny substance covering it. 

“What's that?”

“Oh! It’s the coating that’s going to help bring us down to Fishman Island!”

“Wonder if Franky enjoys having his ship covered in bubbles.” Laughter erupts through the tears. Having your shoes crunch against the grass of the safety has a wave of safety washing over you. Sitting on the bench connected to the mast pole, your able to let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Robin and Nami sat next to you while almost everyone else sat on the grass.

“Where’s Luffy and Zoro?”

“They should be here soon. I swear if that moss head got lost.” You finally take off your hat as the sun is beating down harshly, making you sweat. With your hair finally being able to move, the strands that once hid the huge scar on your face disappeared. Leaving it for them all to see.

“Oh my god, what happened?! How did you get that scar?!” While you knew you shouldn’t have been surprised they’d notice it right away, it still managed to shock you. Maybe you just lived with it for so long that you’ve forgotten what you used to look like without it.

“This? Oh. I went face first into a corner of a crate.”

“Does it hurt? Here, let me check!” You watch as Chopper hops onto the bench before examining your face. 

“How you are not blind is amazing, considering where it’s placed.” Feeling Chopper's little hooves on your face causes a small warmth to erupt in your chest.

“No, it doesn’t hurt. I’ve had it for a while. And it hasn’t caused any problems.”

“What about this one? There's a huge one on the back of your head.” You feel Robin's nimble fingers gently brush through your hair, her gentle touch reminding you of your mother. The sensation made you bite your lip as you choked back tears.

“Can you do that again, Robin? It felt nice.”

“Sure.” Her calm voice and touch made your eyes close as you tried to regain composure.

“(Y/N)?”

“Hm? Yes Robin?” A shiver goes down your spine as you feel her trace the scar.

“Did….Kidd do this to you?” Simply hearing his name makes tears finally slip down your cheeks, and some even onto Chopper's hooves. With your vision blurry, you close your eyes and nod. Even saying his name would leave a bad taste in your mouth.

‘God damnit. I should be crying tears of joy! Not sadness!’ You argued with yourself as you tried to pull yourself together. Gripping your pants, you dig your nails into the fabric.

“How about we change the subject? Umm—” A loud rumbling echoes around everyone, making you hold your stomach.

“Sorry. I haven’t eaten a snack or something.” With the adrenaline finally settling down, you realize how tired and hungry you were.

“Do we have supplies restocked?”

“Of course (Y/N)-swan!”

“That’s good. I’ll just go get something to eat real quick.” Just as you go to sit up, Nami sits you right back down.

“Sanji can get it. You’ve walked all the way here, so Sanji can whip you up something. Right, Sanji?” The stare-down Nami gave the cook made a giggle slip past your lips. You watch Sanji run so fast to the kitchen that dust almost flies behind him.

“Okay, the rest of you, except Chopper, scram.” Nobody moved for the first 20 seconds.

“SCRAM!” Everyone begins to run in different directions until only you, Nami, Robin, and Chopper are left.

“Okay, now that they’re all gone, we can talk about more important things.”

“More important things?” Nami puts her hand on your back, and Robin continues to gently comb through your hair. You watch her look down at your stomach before looking back up at you sympathetically. 

“How are you holding up? Do you have any pain?”

“It’s okay. Not anything right now. I get migraines sometimes from the head injury and back pain, but that’s it. Just regular pregnancy things, I suppose.”

“Have you been eating properly and sleeping well? Taken a tumble or anything?”

“No. I’ve been stable on my feet. And almost all I do is eat and sleep.” Chopper lets out a sigh of relief.

“That’s good.”

“I do work out and exercise. Gotta keep myself strong, ya know?”

“We just don’t want you to overdo it. Pregnancy is no easy feat, so it's nice to hear that you're doing well.”

“How far along are you, do you know?”

“Six to seven months.” With Nami and Robin comforting you, it was easier to talk about the baby growing inside you. Yet the nagging thought in your head kept coming back.

“Do you think Luffy will let me stay a straw hat? Even after knowing that I’m pregnant?” You can hear your heartbeat in your ears as you look at Nami and Robin.

“Of course! You’ll always be a straw hat!”

“No matter what!”

“Everything will be okay (Y/N).” You put your arms over Nami and Robin and hold them close. Chopper cuddles close and hugs you as well. Tears fall from your eyes, and you never want to let them go.

“I don’t know what to do, your guys. It feels like no matter what I choose, everything is the wrong decision.”

“If I give the baby up for adoption, there's a chance Kidd will find them or the marines will use them as bait. If I were to keep them, the Marines and Kidd still would be after us. All I want is for them to grow up happy and safe. Is that really too much to ask?”

“No. Not at all. No matter what you choose, we’ll stand beside you.”

“You’ll never have to be alone again.” You see Chopper jump up from the shared hug with a look of shock and wonder in his eyes.

“Chopper? Are you okay?” Everyone split from the hug and looked at Chopper in concern.

“I felt them kick me! When we were hugging, I felt them kick me in the face!” Normally, such words wouldn’t have a positive reaction, but this seems to be a different story. Nami and Robin seemed excited, too, at Chopper's confession.

“Really?! Aw!”

“They know were talking about them.” Robin smiled and giggled softly.

“Have you thought about names?”

“Not really. I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl even.”

“Well, do you have names that you planned on naming your baby with (....)? Perhaps you can name the baby after them?” It’s been a while since you’ve heard your late fiance’s name—almost to the point that you’ve forgotten it with all the chaos that surrounded your life.

Kidd didn’t know your fiance's name, or you hope he didn’t. On one hand, you somewhat liked the idea. But at the same time, it’d be a constant reminder of the love you lost. You fear you might accidentally compare the baby to a person they’ve never met. And even though the baby was innocent, the fact it’d be the offspring of the man who took everything from you, having their name felt wrong and tainted.

“They deserve to be their own person, so I don’t think I’ll give the baby (....)’s name.” You rub your stomach subconsciously.

“What if they look like him? I know it’d still be my child, but…”

“Even if the baby looks exactly like Kidd, it doesn’t mean they’ll be like him. I bet one of my tangerine trees that they’ll be the exact opposite.” A chuckle leaves your lips as the ease Nami brings seems so natural.

“I’ll take you up on that offer.” You and Nami shake hands, and the sound of the kitchen door opening lets you know the food is finally done.

“After you're done eating, I'd like to give you a checkup to see if everything's healed alright.”

“Sounds good.”

~~~

After finishing your lunch, you head up to the infirmary. When you sat on the bed, you noticed just how out of breath you were. The stairs have been getting harder and harder each day. What used to be an easy task now felt like you were being asked to climb a mountain.  

“You okay (Y/N)?” Holding a clipboard, you watch Chopper walk over to you and look at you in concern.

“Stairs are just getting a little harder, but it’ll be okay. So what's your first plan of action, doctor?” It was always so cute to see Chopper get all excited when called a doctor.

“Can I check out any wounds or scars that may have happened since we last saw each other? I’ve made scar cream that is supposed to help reduce the size and stiffness that comes with said scars.”

“Oh, okay. There’s…a lot. Just give me a second.” You begin to take off your sweater before placing it beside you. Chopper's eyes widen as he tries to focus on a single scar, but there's so much more than the last time he’s seen you. He doesn’t know where to start, but he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by staring.

“Is there any place you want me to check first?”

“I don’t know if there are any on my back, so you can check there.” you feel Chopper jump on the bed and start to inspect your back. The bra you wore gave the reindeer enough space to inspect your back. While it didn’t cover the scar you hated the most, you simply hid your chest with your hand.

“Not seeing much. Just small ones anyone could have." Chopper goes and grabs your left arm to check it out. You feel his hooves put pressure on the scars before stopping at your hand.

“Did you get shocked? What happened that caused all these small scars?” The realization that you haven't shown anyone your devil fruit powers yet shoots through your mind, and a small excitement courses through your veins.

“Chopper, can you let go of my arm real quick?” Chopper cocked his head before letting go. A big smile plasters on your face before you take a deep breath.

There were sizzling and cracking echos in the room as electricity started to form along your arm and slither around your scared skin. It gave off a flickering glow as you began to accumulate it in your hand.

“Woah! I didn’t know you had devil fruit powers! Why didn't you tell us earlier?”

“I only got them during the two-year separation. I’ve worked my ass off to have control like this. I’m probably not as strong as the rest of you guys, but I think this’ll help.” All your words seemed to go in through one ear and out the other as Chopper watched the electricity form into a ball in your hands.

“I’ve never seen an electricity logia type devil fruit. I didn’t even know there was one.”

“Well, here I am, haha.” Chopper laughs alongside you before he stops. You wonder why, but you soon figure it out when you follow his eye direction. Since he asked to see your arm, you left the branding scar open for him to see. The look of horror is present on his face.

“Oh my god, how did I not see this?!” Moving around to get a better look, Chopper stands next to you on the bed. Carefully moving his hoove near your chest, he stops.

“Is it okay if I check this out?” Swallowing the lump in your throat, you nod.

“Yeah.” You feel Chopper place his hoove on the scar and watch as his eyebrows knit together.

“Unlike the other ones, this one is raised above the skin rather then indented.”

“Is that…a bad thing?”

“No. The one on your chest is a hypertrophic scar, it’s normal to scar like this on ones chest. The others are simply atrophic scars. They're all fine, but…”

“But?”

“I just can’t believe it. With this being in such a sensitive place, I can’t imagine the pain this caused.”

“Yeah. It wasn’t a fun recovery.” Tears gather in your eyes at the memory. There are a million memories you wish you could forget, and this just happened to be in your top five. Remembering Kidd’s approach with that heated metal pole speeds up your heart rate and constricts your chest. Your breath goes jagged as the tears start flowing.

“I look like a freak. Everywhere I look is a reminder of him. How can someone ever love me when all they see is a disfigured shell of a human.” You begin to cry into your hands as the room feels suffocating. Tears slip through your fingers and onto your tummy as you try to catch your breath.

“What have I done to deserve this? Everyone in my family is dead, and I don’t even have a home to go back to! My entire island was wiped out in a single afternoon, and there's only five people who survived to prove the island even existed in the first place! Why do they have to perish while I live?! What’s so great about me?!”

“What’s not great about you?” You and Chopper freeze and look at the infirmary door. There stood Luffy with a big smile on his face.

“Luffy?” Dropping your hands to your thighs, you look at him through your blurry vision.

“I was wondering where you were! But Usopp told me you were in here with Chopper and-” Luffy’s happy voice soon cuts off as he fully registers the state Kidd had reduced you to. You watch his eyes zero in on the branding before his expression darkens.

“Did he do that to you?” He points to the scar, and even though you try to sound tough, you hiccup out a ‘yes’ as you feel your body shake.

“I know it’s their Jolly Roger, but I promise I didn’t want it! Please don’t kick me out, Luffy! I—” You stop in your tracks when you feel something be placed on your head. Rubbing your eyes, you see the brim of Luffy’s straw hat in front of your face. You are at a loss for words as your heart beats in your ears.

“You're not going anywhere (Y/N). I’ll make sure he’ll never lay a hand on you ever again.”

“Cause I’m gonna kill that bastard for doing this to you.”

~~~

Sitting in his workshop, Kidd twirls a sharp scrap of metal between his fingers while looking at the wall. All the bounty posters for the straw hats are plastered on the wall, covered in holes from the number of knives and sharp scraps he’s thrown at them. Even seeing their faces makes rage course through Kidd’s veins.

His eyes zero in on the captains before he throws the metal scrap at the poster. It hilts the man on the poster right between the eyes. His poster is the most shredded. If it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t have been taken and escaped in the first place.

It’s been six months since you left the Victoria Punk, and every second has been a waking nightmare for everyone. While their captain had always been a hothead, he’s been ten times worse ever since you left. The amount of blood on his hands could rival the devil’s—and to many, he was.

The Victoria Punk has become one of the most feared pirate ships currently sailing. When the Victoria's big jaws came into the sight of any other pirates or marines, all they could do was pray. They prayed that by some miracle, Eustass ‘Captain’ Kidd would take pity. Unfortunately, the New World was not known for its kindness, and neither was he.

There was even talk about naming him a new emperor of the sea.

While the title would help him on his path to becoming King of the Pirates, it meant nothing if he still couldn’t find you six months after the fact—couldn’t find you or his unborn child. He didn’t know how you were doing, how the pregnancy was progressing, or what the gender was. It didn’t matter much to him because, in the end, they’d make a great future ruler of the sea.

“Kidd!” Bursting open the workshop door stood the right-hand man of the Kidd pirates. He huffed and puffed, trying to regain his breath after running from across the other side of the ship.

Moving his eyes towards the man in teh doorway, Kidd responds before throwing another scrap metal at the posters.

“What is it Killer?” Walking up closer to the table, Killer slams down multiple papers and photos.

“What am I looking at?”

“I know who’s been harboring (Y/N).” Jumping from his seat, Kidd gets closer to what Killer was showing him. 

“What?! Who?!”

“After looking through enough photos and newspaper, I’ve managed to pinpoint the marine squad that’s been hiding her.”

“Well?! Spill it!”

“Marine squad G-5. It’s occupied by Vice Admiral Smoker and Captain Tashigi. How many lower rank marines are on the ship, I don’t know but it can’t be anymore then twenty.” Gritting his teeth, Kidd looks at the pictures of each crew member.

“Next marine ship we see, keep a marine alive. We’ll use them to get G-5’s location.”

“And after we find them?”

“Kill every single one of them. I want that ship to paint the sea red.”

~~~

@rebeccawinters @iggy5055 @dairygrrl @childconnoisseur @menifire1092 @nerdgeekandeverysweet-blog @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @lovemesomefanfic846 @ryuv1i @carpinchootaku @misoxramen @pinkfoxmusic

[fencecollapsed]

I love musical theater. I may not be a theater kid stereotype, but I always found it as an interesting way to tell a story. But despite the fact I personally don’t think it’s that big of a deal, a lot of my relatives seem to take me as “the musical girl”. My mother made my 17th birthday musical themed. A lot of my Christmas presents were musical related, I’m sure you’d get it. A couple of weeks back though, my cousin in Michigan, who I don’t really know, suddenly sent me a DVD with blue sharpie on it, simply reading “The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals” in all capital letters due to how much of a mouthful that name is, I’m going to refer to it as TGWDLM for the rest of this. The DVD itself was rather normal looking. She didn’t send me the box it came in, which is probably the reason why it was labeled in sharpie, cause without it, god knows what it could be. It could be a musical or a gore video, so thanks to her for that.

As for the contents... Well, it was a Pro-shot of a musical! The story was about a man named Paul, a guy who... didn’t like musicals! The opening song seems to portray this as a huge deal but to be honest, it isn’t. One day, on the opening night of a Mamma Mia! production in the real-life ghost town of Hatchetfield, Michigan (but populated, obivously), a meteor hits, carrying alien spores of a musical hivemind. One interesting fact is that the zombies are the only ones who sing, and dear god, some of their songs are so camp, but I guess that’s the joke. Also, I can definitely see an influence from Invasion of The Body Snatchers, hell, they even reference it. The musical itself had more laughs than scares for me, but the curtain call gave me fucking chills. The unusual parts though, come from not the musical itself, but what comes after it. There’s a behind-the-scenes, with a lot of content. There were audition tapes, director's commentary, easter eggs... I personally found it as fascinating as the musical itself! There was some mentions of a earlier version of the script, with some interesting parts that weren’t in the original, for example; Paul, Ted, Bill, and Charlotte all worked at a review site similar to IGN or Buzzfeed, or that Alice, in a strange trance, spouts out a bible quote. I began to feel like these random people, from an obscure theater company, were people I knew. But as fun as the behind the scenes are, that is not why I’m here. After the behind-the-scenes, there was just... A black screen. For like, 4 or 3 minutes… Then a blue screen with white text, with a font that looks like those fonts in analog horror, with one word. “APOTHEOSIS”.

There’s more after this too. The following is a very different feeling compared to the behind-the-scenes. It appears to be the night the pro-shot was recorded. It shows footage of the curtain call, when Emma was dragged backstage. Then, it cuts to security footage backstage. Immediately Emma’s actress, who I think I’ll just call Lauren, since that’s her real name, goes out of character. The others don’t let go of her, instead ejecting her out of the crowd. She lands on her ass and says “Ow.” in a tone that says “What the fuck dude? Why’d you throw me?”. The others are silent. Lauren gets up and after a moment looking at the others, decides to take off her bandage, revealing a real scar underneath. Lauren seems unsettled by this, but it’s made worse when everyone else approaches her, talking to her as if she IS Emma Perkins, despite her insistence. They then got closer, and closer. Lauren tried to back away, but they got closer. Eventually, Lauren was completely surrounded, and they... I... I can’t say it. I just can’t. All I’ll say is that audience members found the room covered in blood and mysterious blue goo. The blue screen appears again, the text now saying “THEIR RETELLING SUCKED ANYWAYS.”

After whatever the fuck that was, I kinda had to dig deeper? I had this mix of morbid fascination, horror, and an urge to somehow bring all this to light. Well... That and how at first I assumed it was a performance act, only to find out via a google search that it was all real, Lauren Lopez was presumed dead, and the rest of the cast are missing to this day.

So I talked to people who were at the closing night show. When it was recorded. They reported being genuinely convinced in some segments, like when Emma quote unquote “Looked at Ted’s eyes in horror, like she saw nothing there” and praised the “practical effects”. They also said that the few who lingered after the curtain call heard screaming. Those who checked backstage saw... Well, you know.

I didn’t find much about it though. Only this weird cult website when searching for random tag words related to the musical. It was talking about “His singular voice” or whatever and was saying that, like, all voices needed to be eradicated, for His is the only one that should exist, or whatever. Weirdly enough, there was musical theming in there. And... A page about the musical. I can vaguely recall the contents but it’s really hard to. It had a synopsis of the musical kinda biased in the favor of the zombies, with the implications that He caused the musical apocalypse over there. Me and my friends looked at the site once in a discord call and laughed at it. But then I found the actors' faces and how they all were brought to an “apotheosis”. Like... Like in the fucking musical.

It was just a rabbit hole I found myself in at the end of the day though. I easily tucked it into the back of my brain and went on with my life. But then stuff started getting weird. With me, I think. I’ve been more scatterbrained than usual, prone to zoning out for long stretches of time, wandering off conversations to talk about something else entirely, and I’m beginning to hate the sound of other people’s voices and I don’t know why, I was never a social butterfly but I didn’t hate other people talking... Everyday when I brush my teeth I notice my eyes getting... Bluer? I don’t know how, but my eyes have gone to a dark brown, to a light brown, to a hazel, to green, and now it’s getting closer and closer to blue. My friends online have been safe at the time from my sudden hatred of other voices but I can’t really go on voice chats anymore. And my fixation on musicals has only grown as of late. I can’t help but fight the urge to spontaneously sing a show-tune. I hate it.

I’d try to see a psychiatrist or something but I can’t bear to hear another voice, it’s so grating. And I know I should just grin and bear it but the last time I tried that I yelled at them. Not many people like me much anymore. I see why, I must’ve become an asshole to them, but they don’t get it. My eyes have become blue by now, and I think it’s glowing too.

I can’t help but play the songs over and over. I called it camp but I think it’s growing on me. I like Let It Out the most. I relate to Paul a lot right now. And then I noticed a split second shot of... His actor... Being... I can’t say it. I had to vomit. Why wouldn’t I? That was so fucking disgusting. And when I puked, I froze pale at what I just pushed out of my body.

It was blue, viscous sludge. It felt disgusting looking at it, even worse when you hold it. It smelled like ammonia. I ran out of the bathroom. I couldn’t stand to look at it any longer. And that’s when I decided to write this. I’m scared, to be honest, who wouldn’t be? I’ll most likely either be dead and have my corpse puppeteered, or go missing, for another poor soul to inevitably find the DVD and end up like me. I can hear the chimes and hymns of The Singular Voice. I know He wants me to become one with Him. He says it’s inevitable for me. And what choice do I have in the matter anymore?

I’m sorry, I lost.

[cartmankisser]

I GOT YOU FAM!

I'd love a Wally fluff alphabet, please! 🥰

omg ur amazing for linking it. creds for the prompts are linked in pink text of the request!! :)

if you haven’t seen, i ran a poll on my account for what type of personality wally should have and the option that won was, and i quote, “normal wally but… just a little messed up and obsessive.”

so i guess this is like?? mildly yandere wally? haha i’m not sure.. he slowly gets slightly more deranged as this goes on,,

using the small font because these always turn out really long 😭

Activities - “What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?”

— wally isn’t too picky when it comes to hanging out. he’d honestly be content just sitting in silence with you!

in such a small neighborhood, everything is just a few minutes away! it’s not uncommon for you two to take walks around the neighborhood, maybe stopping at howdys shop for snacks before spending the afternoon sitting in a flower-filled field with books and arts and crafts material.

maybe you two could teach each other little crafts you’ve learned over the years!! friendship bracelets, origami, crochet, whatever!!

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

— you’re just such a great friend to him! so caring and kind to him… he always feels calm whenever you’re around, just because of how loving you are!!

most of his uncertainties or insecurities just vanishes whenever he’s with you.. no one else ever could ever make him feel so special! it’s amazing!!!!

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc?

— wally has a hard time picking up on your feelings if you don’t straight up tell him that you’re upset. however, if you’re ever crying or upset, he’d try his best to comfort you!

his go-to comfort methods are usually things that make him happy or calm him down. something like singing a song that barnaby has sung to him before or drawing happy memories to distract you from whatever is making you upset!

he tends to explain to you that he would never make you feel as bad as you do right now. he’s the only one here to comfort you! no one else cares that you’re upset, but he does!! because he loves you!!! :)

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

— wally dreams of a calm, domestic future with you! he loves his neighborhood and home very dearly, and i don’t see him wanting to move anytime soon (he has no reason to!), but he really can’t wait for you to permanently move in with him! sure, he keeps you at his house for as long as you’re willing to stay, but you still leave him at the end of the day!!!!

home is one of his friends too, and he would never abandon a friend! so hopefully you can get used to living inside of a sentient house.. (no matter how much home scares you)

other than that though, i don’t see him wanting to change too much? you two are already so happy together, so why would anything need to change? all you really need is eachother anyways!!!!

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

— i think that he thinks you two are equal. i mean, he tries to listen to you, but sometimes you just need his help!!! he believes that a relationship should be built on respect and understanding! dont you respect him? :(

you really should just trust him and know that what he does for you is for the best. he’s not trying to scare or control you or anything!! he’s just trying to keep you safe and happy with him!!! that’s all!!!! :)))

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

— while he might be quick to forgive you, he doesn't easily forget the actions that led to the conflict. he prefers to work through disagreements for a compromise, that way you both can continue to be happy together!! albeit, he tends to be a bit patronizing and condescending when you two disagree on something,,,

he doesn’t get mad at you very often though. i can see him being awfully patient with you when it comes to misunderstandings and such. he knows you don’t mean to be rude about it!! you just need him to explain to you why he’s right!!!

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

— he’s very grateful for you!! he enjoys the admiration, love, and support you show him, and he makes sure to show his appreciation and love back through small gestures, like surprising you with treats or leaving little notes around your house when he visits! that way, you’re always thinking about how much he loves and appreciates you!

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

— wally values honesty in the relationship and doesn’t feel the need to keep secrets from you unless they would hurt you. and he knows you wouldn’t dare keep anything from him. not if you truly loved him, that is..

he doesn’t really understand secrets that much anyways.. everyone in the neighborhood is such good friends, why would they need to hide anything? (aka, wally unintentionally talks shit and causes drama /hj)

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

— you’ve definitely inspired him to try out new mediums and techniques in his art. i mean, he usually just paints and draws things he likes! and there’s nothing wrong with that, but recently he’s been trying new things!

with you around to help, he’s rarely hit any creative blocks. you’ve shown him how to connect his emotions to his paintings. and now he knows even more ways to make art that is more than just color on paper!!! truly amazing :)!!

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

— wally is quite possessive and can get jealous easily. he deals with it by keeping a close eye on you, and if he perceives any threat to his relationship, he will go to great lengths to eliminate that threat.

he would never destroy something that means a lot to you, but of course, he has to make sure he means the most to you!!! after everything he does for you, how could you not love him more than anything else!?! :)

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

— i love him a lot okay? but he is definitely not a good kisser. he’s never loved anyone like he’s loved you, so he’s just… inexperienced?

i feel like the first kiss would be awkward and tense, as he was nervous and unsure of how you would react to his feelings, but it was still very passionate and meaningful! sometimes you just take his breath away and leave him speechless, but actions speak more than words, right? @:))))

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

— he would confess his love in a very straightforward and direct manner. he would likely sit you down and tell you about how he couldn't imagine his life without you, and that hes willing to do anything to make you happy!!!

he was confident and direct with his confession because he was sure that he had you wrapped around his finger. before he confessed to you, he made sure to be open enough that you’d enjoy talking to him, but mysterious enough that you’d surely be thinking about him all day, wanting to hear more from him.

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

— he does want to get married, and he would propose in a grand, romantic way!! he would likely plan an elaborate surprise, such as a candlelit dinner or a sweet picnic in a meadow, and then get down on one knee to ask you to marry him!! he would make sure the moment was so special that there was no chance that you could reject him!

the marriage itself would be pretty traditional, with wally insisting on taking care of all the arrangements and ensuring that everything was perfect for you.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

— i feel like he would call you things such as "my love" or "my darling," and he would use petnames often to remind you how much he adores you!

he has a habit of calling you a handful of different petnames, but always adding “my“ to the beginning of it. you’re his sweetheart!!!! his love!!!!! no one else’s!!!!!!

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

— when wally falls in love, he becomes completely devoted to you. his feelings are somewhat obvious to others, as he can become a bit possessive and jealous when others try to get too close to you, even though he tries to hide those feelings in front of others.

he expresses his love through attention and gifts, showering his significant other with affection and making sure they know how much they truly mean to him!!!!

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

— he’s pretty upfront about his relationship and is not afraid to show affection in public. he enjoys making others aware of you two and he takes pride in displaying his love for you!!!!

he’s not the type to like??? shove his tongue down your throat in public 😭 but i mean small things like holding your hand and keeping you close to him when you two are out together!!

Quirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

— wally has a photographic memory, which makes him incredibly attentive to your wants and desires. he never forgets important dates or details, and always makes sure to surprise you with things that make you happy!!

he knows what size clothes you wear and what scent perfume you use. he always picks up your favorite snacks before you come over and he makes sure to use your favorite colors a lot when he makes paintings for you!!!

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

— i feel like he’d be pretty romantic!! and he loves to make grand gestures to make you feel special!! i like to think he’s somewhat creative in his approach and he enjoys surprising you with things you never expected.

he will go to great lengths to make you happy, even if it means doing something cliché like writing love letters or preparing a candlelit dinner. however, his possessiveness can sometimes lead to darker and more dangerous displays of love, such as stalking or isolating you from others.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their? Do they believe in them?

— wally sees himself as your personal cheerleader and will do anything to help you achieve your dreams. however, his version of support can be a little intense as sometimes he tends to control your choices to ensure your success. he believes in you so much that he'll go to extreme measures to make sure you reach your full potential.

i feel like he would also be sure to tell you that you two achieved the victory together and that you wouldn’t have gotten to where you are without him!! he doesn’t mean it in a rude way!!!!! he just wants you to thank him sometimes!!!!!

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

— i think that he wouldn’t mind trying out new things with you sometimes, but only if it's on his terms! he has a certain routine that he likes to follow, and deviation from it can trigger his possessive behavior a bit...

he's very particular about what he considers "spicing things up" and can tend to be a bit controlling when it comes to decision-making. he just wants to make sure you stay nice and safe!!! he makes sure to take good care of his belongings! :)

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

— he believes that he knows you better than anyone else, and as such, he can be highly empathetic when it suits him... however, he's also prone to getting lost in his own delusions and can struggle to see things from your perspective when he feels threatened.

mostly though, he tends to be more sympathetic and pitiful instead of empathetic whenever you’re upset.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

— the relationship is everything to him!!! and he's not afraid to make that known! he has a bad habit of seeing you as his property and will stop at nothing to keep you by his side. in his eyes, the relationship is worth more than anything else in his life, and he'll do whatever it takes to protect it!!! you truly mean everything him, and he’s not afraid to give everything else up for you!!!! :)

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

— wally loves to pamper you with expensive gifts and lavish attention. he believes that he deserves your love and affection in return for the gifts and he sees them as a way of showing you how much he cares!

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

— he is extremely affectionate and loves to shower you with cuddles and affection. however, sometimes it tends to turn into a bit of possessive behavior if he feels like someone else is encroaching on your time together.

Yearning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

— whenever he’s missing you, i feel like he copes by somewhat obsessing over you... he'll stare over old photos and drawings, collecting small things you might’ve left at his house, overanalyzing them until he can almost feel your presence.

he also might engage in stalkerish behavior,,, staring at your house through his window.. maybe even walking to your place to peek through the windows if he thinks he can get away with it.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

— he’s willing to go to great lengths for the relationship, even if it might seem hurtful from your perspective... he tends to see himself as your companion and protector and will stop at nothing to keep you safe, even if it means resorting to things you might not like. his zeal can quickly turn dangerous if he feels that you’re in danger.

[silent-sanctum]

Hi~ can I be 🍓anon? If you’re doing the emoji anon thing. Well, I just wanted to know if you’d write something with soulmate AU. I’m literally the most basic b ever and a sucker for soulmate AU. 🙈 something with jotaro being your soulmate is so cute to me…You can come up with any premise you want!

Hello 🍓 anon! I'm really sorry I took so long to put this out. I had a lot going on irl 😭 But here it is, over 9k worth of content about destiny and meeting each other through that.

Now, I'm gonna be honest, I am not too fond of the trope but I do dig it from time to time. So, I hope what I wrote meets your expectations! Hope you enjoy! ♡

A Wonderful World - Jotaro x Reader

word count: 9k

Everything was a blur. You couldn’t feel anything as your body felt weightless and cold.

But you could make out the rush of water fly by you and you could’ve sworn the skies went awry, never stopping as day turned to dusk to night to dawn and back in a blink of an eye.

You couldn’t move an inch and in circumstances like this, you knew this moment of clarity would be the last breath you’d experience.

Around you were bodies lying on the raging waters. A few of them were unfamiliar to you but you considered them allies, companions who aided you in getting this far into the chaos, and next to you was…

Your eyes swelled with tears.

Next to you was your husband motionless, forever resting as he left this world before you, a bleeding gash that split the right side of his face serving as a reminder of what caused his death.

‘I failed you.’

Whatever energy you had left in you was spent through your hand wading through the water, all to reach him one last time. Your surroundings started to dim and your body rotted with time, but that didn’t matter now. What mattered now was spending your last seconds by his side.

With your hand holding his, you closed your eyes and sent a prayer to the heavens- that maybe in another universe… in another timeline where this much pain and suffering didn’t exist… you prayed desperately that if it was written in fate, you could meet him there and fall in love all over again.

As you took your last breath, the last name you hoped carried on to the next life was-

You gasp, eyes now wide awake.

Your vision cleared and it took you a couple blinks for you to reorient with your surroundings. It was early morning and here you lay on your bed, the curtains drawn and the digital clock beside you just turning 7:31 with its bright red font.

Then there was that familiar ache that made you grasp your heart and spill a tear upon waking. “That dream again… It’s always that stupid dream,” you mumbled as you swiped the wetness off your eyes. You couldn’t for the life of you know why that one was so consistent amidst the many other random variants in your head.

And why the name couldn’t come to mind in every instance.

Before you, a ghostly apparition hovered out to face you with a fabric loosened to lay on your shoulders. You smiled as you grasped the translucent rose gold silk. “It’s fine. I’m fine Sanctuary. Just the usual.”

The entity tilted its head and only after the cloth lightly caressed your cheek with affection did it disappear back into you.

In perfect timing, your phone rang and on the screen flashed “Manager”. Swiping to accept, you placed the device by your ear. “Yes manager-nim?”

“Well if it isn’t my favorite leading star. I do hope you remember that you’re scheduled for a shoot at Toushiki Beach today.”

You sigh, rolling your eyes with a smirk at the singsong voice of the caller. “Yeah yeah, I know. 10:30 in the morning, right?”

“Ding ding ding. And if you don’t want your co-star complaining our ears off, you better be ready when I ring that doorbell.”

“Don’t worry,” you threw your legs off to the side and stood, heading to the bathroom. “I’ve always been on time. No matter how late I wake or whatnot. If anything, it’s him that’s always late.”

On the other side of the call, your manager groaned less at you and more at his situation. “And yet we’re also pulled into his mess.”

“Well, this isn’t my first rodeo. If the director starts yelling at us again, I’ll make sure to remind him who’s truly at fault here,” you said. “Besides, no one would be at fault but his if he even considers changing one of the industry’s highest-paid actors mid-shoot.”

“You better keep your word Y/N.”

“I will.”

Life as a celebrity was nothing too challenging, considering you’ve been raised to shine for the masses. Stardom started as a singer when your parents encouraged you to use your voice to entice the public. But as that career took off, you were offered to star in a film as an artist cameo once you’ve hit 18.

Then it all snowballed down the line. Many producers found your visuals and acting skills top-notch and wanted you to lead their shows and movies.

Here you were 10 years later- an A-list actress paid handsomely to feature in media that award-winning directors directed.

And to make it all better, well for you at least, you had someone to accompany you. A ghostly entity you named “Silent Sanctuary” was linked to you and you didn’t know why it did or how no one else did, but you came to accept that she was a part of you- a being who wished to be your invisible “guardian angel” willingly.

Your thoughts were shoved aside as the vehicle stopped and your actual bodyguard opened the door for you. Immediately, a frazzled-looking man in a padded jacket holding a clipboard came running to you. “Y/N! Oh, thank god you were here before your co-star did!”

“What did I say?” You said, stepping outside onto the concrete pavement. The breeze from the nearby sea brushed your hair on your arrival. “I told you I’m always on time.”

“Yeah that’s great and all but we still have to report to the director,” he said as he led you across the solid path ahead, walking past the rocky formations jutting out from the sandy ground and down on the stone staircase leading to the beach.

Ahead of you was the production crew setting up the necessary equipment needed for filming, and among them was a loud-mouthed man yelling at somebody to fix the sound system with his megaphone. Yeah, just another day of filming.

Soon your co-star arrived, late as you’d expect, already stomping into the scene whining about how cold it was or how annoying traffic was. But that didn’t matter as you sucked yourself into the role you were given ahead of time.

The movie’s concept revolved around the idea of soulmates. Its story involved the tale of two lovers who were always met at the short end of the stick, constantly losing each other time and time again, and your character’s job was to find a way to make sure that in this universe, you’d reach for your love and never let fate separate them again.

You weren’t fond of these films mainly because you thought the idea of “finding your fated partner” sounded too childish or fantastical to your liking, and initially, you were about to reject the offer. But somehow, as you read the script for the first time, you found yourself… touched. Your heart ached not at the thought of “meeting your soulmate for the first time” but at the idea of “finding your lover again in a better world”.

For a second, your mind thought back to the dream you kept having- of rushing water, fallen bodies, and the deceased man you held hands with.

And here you were now- playing the lead role for this “red string of fate-esque” movie with one of the worst partners you’d imagine. Do this for the output. For the results. For the story to be told to the crowd.

So, you did your part well; the moment the director cued the cameras to start rolling, you did your best to portray a struggling person arguing with her estranged lover about a key issue in the film. It took several cuts and a couple of re-shoots before the director was contented with the scene and called for an hour-long break. Lunch.

You invited your manager to eat out at a nearby restaurant selling ramen but he politely declined saying he had to answer some phone calls regarding brand deals you were supposed to be in.

You went ahead, a single bodyguard in tow on the way to the supposed popular place. When you got there, its reputation met your expectations- the place was filled to the brim, teeming with customers wanting a taste of the chef’s tasty ramen. With security waiting outside, you entered the place with your mask and hat on and fell in line.

Once your order was taken and a blinking pager was given, you turned to look for a spot where you could wait. But then, a pull caught your attention and you looked over to see Sanctuary hovering about, fixating on something with a fabric tugging your wrist.

“Hey,” you whispered. “What’s wrong?”

The entity ignored your words and continued tugging, wanting you to go somewhere. Confused, you directed your gaze to where your companion faced- the stairs leading to the upper floors. “Oh, you found a seat for me?” No response. Only her incessant pulling. “Alright, I’m going.”

You went upstairs, brushing past the passing crowd on the way. You were met with more people enjoying their meals and zero empty tables. “Sanctuary, I thought there were-” You didn’t get to complete your sentence when the ghost kept tugging at your wrist, its head directed to the stairs going up.

“The rooftop?” As far as you could tell, the rooftop section of the place was reserved for those who booked a spot ahead of time, and even as famous as you are, you haven’t made any reservations so you didn’t get to head upstairs. “Sanctuary, I didn’t plan to eat here. I’m not supposed to go there!”

But your supposed loyal entity remained stubborn as she fully manifested out of you and hovered to the 3rd floor of the restaurant with speed. “Hey!” You sword you’ve never had her disobey you ever throughout the time you had her, but this was a first and it flustered you to this extent. “Come back here!”

You continued up the final flight of stairs and swung open the door leading outside. Fortunately, the place was mostly empty considering the restaurant just opened.

On the other hand, your relief at the lack of people was replaced with embarrassment as you spotted Silent Sanctuary wrapped around a lone, unsuspecting man sitting by one of the tables beside the glass fence.

The person didn’t pick up her presence much like the others, only confused as dictated by the cocked head, furrowed brows, and rigid posture he had due to the binds your ghost companion had on him.

Play it cool. Excuse yourself. You cleared your throat, bringing his attention away from the book in his hand to you. As he stared at you, you stood still, caught off guard at his attractiveness: Slicked-up raven hair, bold jawline, and stunning aquamarine eyes. Was he an actor? You peeked at the built figure beneath his black turtleneck and white coat. Or a model perhaps?

“Yes?” Shit, his voice is deep too.

“Ah hello,” you bowed in courtesy and he did the same with a bob of his head. You steadily approached him, eyeing Sanctuary to let go and get back inside. “I was just looking for a place to eat. The place is crowded down here.”

“There are empty tables beside you,” he said, gruffly.

“Well yeah, but those are reserved so I can’t eat there.”

The stranger cocked his brow and crossed his arms. “You’ve made no reservations and yet you’re here?”

You subtly glared at your invisible companion still hovering close to the man. That seemed to do the trick as the entity reluctantly let go and disappeared. You kept up a calm front and answered, “Listen, I’m on a time crunch right now so I can’t wait for a table downstairs. This place also doesn’t offer take-outs so I figured maybe I could…”

“Share a table?”

“Yeah!… That…” Which was a lie. You did find a table on the first floor and were about to beeline straight to it, but Sanctuary had to intervene at the worst time possible. “And look what we have here; an empty seat in front of you unless you have someone coming-”

“I’m here by myself.”

Unintentionally, you let out a quick “ah” with a clap and nod. “So… can I-”

“No,” The man continued to stare at you, unimpressed. “Not until you clarify how tight your current schedule exactly is. You can return another time when it’s less busy.”

Your mind was running circles trying to come up with excuse after excuse; one that wasn’t entirely false so it alleviated your guilty conscience. But your patience was running thin as your break gradually shortened. “I can’t come back some other time because I have somewhere else to be after today,” you gritted out. “This restaurant’s only available in this part of Tokyo so I want to try their ramen before I leave.”

“You didn’t tell me the details of your current schedule. What if you’re lying?”

You clicked your tongue, pulled down your mask, and took your hat off, revealing yourself to him. “See those groups of people with filming equipment over there?” You pointed to the beach to which he did look over. “I’m part of their team and they’re about to call my ass any minute now.”

For a second, the stranger blinked at you with what you thought was recognition, but then-

“You man the cameras?”

“C-Camera-” At this point, you scoffed with your hands on your hips, tonguing the inside of your cheek as you looked to the sky wishing for more patience. “You really can’t lend a poor bystander a free seat because of some kind of stubborn skepticism?”

“You barged in here and interrupted my peace first.”

“Come on, just this once?” You glanced at the empty bowl on his table. “You’re done with yours so might as well, right?”

“What if I still say no?” He said. “You rude nag.”

You simply stared at him with disbelief and from some gut instinct, you blurted out an audible “asshole” before you realized what you said. You cupped your mouth, stunned, but the stranger didn’t seem insulted by the exchange.

Instead, he was… amused? Surprised?

Just then, your pager beeped wildly from inside your pocket. “Crap, what should I-”

“Alright,” you turned to the man with wide eyes. “You can have that seat.”

A big wave of relief swept across your panicking mind and with a quick word of gratitude, you hurried downstairs to fetch your steaming bowl of ramen.

---

Jotaro didn’t know what to make of his encounter with this… stranger.

It happened so suddenly- one moment he was minding his own business, invested in the detective novel he had in his hand, the next his body felt constricted as if he was bound by invisible ropes, and next a random masked lady barges through the door, appearing frazzled.

Then in the next minute, you’re here trying to persuade him to share a table due to the packed situation of the restaurant.

He should’ve been annoyed. That’s how it’s always been with people who seemed entitled to have everything to themselves or those who crossed his boundaries, but he couldn’t find it in him to be irritated at you. Skeptical sure, but pissed? Not exactly.

Admittedly, Jotaro had no problem sharing the table with you. He was done with his meal and you provided reasonable excuses in a polite manner- A busy worker who wanted a taste of a local delicacy before leaving.

He would’ve gotten up right then and there, but for some reason, he wanted to tease you- rile you up a bit until those polite mannerisms slipped up. What the hell? Why would I do that? Despite his logical reasoning, he continued to reject your approaches and you began to seethe, growing frustrated.

He huffed. Why am I feeling… nostalgic?

And when you removed both your mask and hat, Jotaro paused as he took one good look at you. Wait… you’re- Why do I feel like I’ve seen you before?

It wasn’t from any media he had watched or a published article he’d read. It was somewhere else and it made his chest throb out of the blue. Where?

Then in a fit of understandable anger, you remarked him being an asshole and a hard sense of Deja vu struck him as an image sparked in his head- a school’s rooftop, him in his black school uniform, and a female student saying that same word as she was about to head inside.

“Mind your own business, bitch.”

“Insults won’t get you anywhere, asshole.”

This was supposed to be during his high school years, but as far as he knew, he didn’t go to the rooftop once or talk to another student like in his visions. He smoked outside the school building and ignored any squealing fans that came his way. Jotaro was about to comment on it, but your pager blared and caused you to panic. Looks like the game’s over.

“Alright. You can have the spare seat.” And at your wide-eyed expression and a quick word of gratitude, he had to resist himself from smiling even by a little bit. This isn’t how he’s supposed to behave; tease a stranger and then smile endearingly at them because of a thank you?

But he couldn’t overstay now, not when you’re supposed to be back here any moment now with a huge bowl of ramen, and so he stood, heading to the exit.

On the way, you arrived with your order. He tipped his hat at you and you bowed at him one more time.

And again, Jotaro stopped in his tracks at the feel of his wrist being tugged. Looking down at it, nothing was holding him back. He heard you mutter something and suddenly, the tightness that held him loosened.

He subtly glanced over his shoulder to see you already settled on the seat despite his dirty dishes still on the table. He thought nothing of it other than being content at watching you enjoy lunch and went on with his day.

A server walked up the stairs and Jotaro stopped him before he could enter. “Don’t mind the lady eating at my table. Just take the bowl and clean what needs to be cleaned.”

“B-But sir customers aren’t allowed to,” One firm glare from his eyes cut off whatever the poor guy was about to say. “Noted sir.”

---

It’s been a week since that day and so far, the progress of the shoot has been great.

If you dismissed the number of times you had to ignore the urge to smack your co-star every time he whined about every minor inconvenience, today was productive. Not only were you able to execute your solo scene on your first try, but all the scenes that came with other actors went by smoother than before.

The director wrapped the emotional beach scenes and called it a day. If you recall correctly, the next batch of scenes will take place in some sort of facility since the upcoming scene will feature your character, a scientist specializing in quantum physics, meeting her lover while in the middle of work wanting to patch things up.

However, in the middle of your mini-success, you couldn’t help but think about what Silent Sanctuary did; about why she decided to disobey you and embrace a seemingly random man in the middle of reading his book.

But then your thoughts would further spiral into thinking of the man in the white coat. Why did he look familiar? And… You clutched your chest as you stared at the ceiling. Why do I feel like crying when I think about him again? You shook your head and leaned over to switch off the lamp. Whatever. It’s probably nothing. Just focus on your work.

It took a while for the crew to search for a place to shoot the said scenes. Eventually, they got in contact with one cooperative executive of a research institute within the capital and got their permission to film on their grounds, as long as they didn’t enter prohibited areas and disturb the people doing their jobs.

There were still a couple of paperwork that needed to be done so you were given a bit of time to spend while you waited. You told your manager you wanted to check out a nearby aquarium and what reason could he have to deny you a simple request?

You didn’t know why you wanted to visit an aquarium of all places. Because you liked the ocean but couldn’t see the cute fishes in them? Or was it because of something else like the instinctual tug in your chest?

Your manager didn’t see any problem with your request and brought you to the Sumida Aquarium near the Skytree. He informed you that he’d come back for you in a while and you thanked him for the ride. With that, you went on inside.

After receiving your ticket inside, you fixed the mask you had on and proceeded down the dimmed hallways, sight-seeing the many aquatic life swimming about the area in their glowing tanks with awe. It was fortunate that there were fewer people than you would’ve expected, but you weren’t complaining.

If anything, you were relieved you didn’t have to worry about racking attention from onlooking eyes.

You continued down the dimly lit path underneath the overarching tank that teemed with passing fishes of different sizes and types until you reached what you could assume was the main hall where the aquarium’s biggest tank could be located. “Woah~”

A wide smile grew as you watched a baby whale shark swim by. You stepped closer and placed your hand on the cool surface of the glass, admiring the sheer size of the aquatic creature living its life in this enclosure.

“You’re here again.”

“Hm?” You hummed as you turned to your side, only to widen your eyes as not only did you notice Sanctuary’s fabric stretched out to wrap a random person's wrist, but onto the wrist of the same man in the white coat. “Oh, it’s you! How did I not notice you?”

“Not sure myself. I just felt my wrist get bound out of nowhere and I made an assumption,” he said as he stared at you. “Turns out I was right.”

You cursed under your breath and willed your companion back inside before she could further embarrass you. “By the way,” you started. “I’m sorry for yelling at you at that ramen restaurant. It was entirely rude of me.”

He scoffed. “You just realized?”

“I didn’t know what came over me,” you said. “I don’t know if it was hunger, being tired, or… something else. But I mean it when I say I’m sorry.”

He looked you over and back again at the tank. “Okay then. Apology accepted.”

You beamed. “Really?”

“Do you expect me to make jokes about that?”

“Well no, that was a rhetorical question,” I huffed, crossing my arms. “Gosh, you can be quite the skeptic sometimes.”

“And that’s bad?” You could pick up the smirk from the way he replied.

You couldn’t help but smile in return. “Sometimes.”

For a moment, you and the stranger remained silent and opted to watch the sea life going about their day in the large aquarium before them, sharing the implied mutual agreement to watch them swim by in peace.

Until another large creature came from behind the rock formations and another word of awe slipped past your lips. “Look at that big boy! I didn’t know sting rays were this huge.”

“That’s a female manta ray,” you turn to look at the man who spoke after you. “You could tell because she has no stinger on her tail. It’s female because they’re larger than males as seen as another manta ray swims along her. He has a shorter wingspan and if you observe closely, the smaller ray has those flaps in the pelvic area called claspers, while the bigger manta doesn’t. It’s a way for him to deliver sperm for reproduction.”

You gape at the sudden information he dropped due to your lack of knowledge about rays. “You know your stuff.”

“I’m supposed to. It’s my job,” he diverted his attention back to you. “Marine biologist.”

A drawn-out “oh” was how you responded, and because you wanted to take the chance while he was there, you asked. “If you say so, then say some facts about…” You hummed as you thought about what to ask, and in some part of your brain, you decided on the first and the next. “Clownfishes.”

The man cocked his head and answered with ease. “They’re hermaphrodites. They grow as males but can turn into females when necessary.”

“Jellyfish?”

“There’s a species called Turritopsis dohrnii, or the immortal jellyfish. They can avoid growing old by being able to reverse their biological clock back into a younger stage.”

“Starfish?”

At that, the stranger paused and ruminated over what to say and for a second you thought he’d end up with a blank, but he replied shortly after. “They consume food by extending their stomach out of their mouths and over the digestible parts of their prey like mussels or clams.”

You smiled at the unique knowledge he gave you. “Impressive. Should I contact you every time I spot a funky-looking fish then?”

You were worried for a second thinking he would downplay your lighthearted ask, but a pit in your heart bloomed as the corners of his lips turned up into a small smile. “I doubt I’d pick up. I’m a busy man.”

“You don’t look busy.”

The stranger glanced at you. “On most days.”

At that, you couldn’t help but let out a soft giggle. You didn’t know why but it felt right, more so when the other person huffed with his subtle smile still plastered on his face. “Say,” you started. “Do you want some coffee? My treat. Take it as an additional compensation for the ramen drama.”

The man in the white coat tilted his head, thinking, and answered with a curt “Sure.”

---

Jotaro enjoyed this more than he should.

The second his wrist was in a light grip, he knew you were nearby. You arrived, apologized, and thanked him for accepting it. That should be the end of the conversation, but as he watched your eyes glitter in awe at the passing manta ray, he couldn’t help but remark facts about the creature.

Right then, a wave of Deja vu sparked a faint memory in his head just as it did when you first met him; one that presented the interior of a dimmed submarine, a single circular window, and the same student at the rooftop sitting by it.

“It’s a giant manta ray. For a 20-foot-long fish, they have large brains that are developed similarly to bottlenose dolphins and primates… It’s either swimming around the window because it saw itself or it saw you and is curious about you.”

The vision disappeared a second after it played out in his head and the tug in his chest would start to bother him yet again. It wasn’t a bad thing though. If anything, he’d like to share more information if you wanted. And like cascading water, his mind would continue playing out his voice answering with information about the same animals you said, and he’d vocalize them to you.

Clownfish? They’re hermaphrodites. They grow as males but can turn into females when necessary.

Jellyfish? There’s a species called Turritopsis dohrnii, or the immortal jellyfish, and they can evade old age by reversing their biological clock back into its baby polyp stage. It does so by reabsorbing its tentacles and coming to rest as a blob of undifferentiated cells somewhere on the seafloor.

But as you asked about starfish, his mind would answer differently than he would have. “I actually don’t know much about them yet. But I plan to in the future.” And it confused him for a moment because coincidentally, he was in the process of writing a thesis about starfishes like he planned to when he was still in high school.

And god, when you smiled with total admiration for his expertise, butterflies started to flutter inside and he couldn’t hold back the joy he reciprocated upon seeing you this way. This felt… right.

It would be no surprise that when you offered to buy him coffee to further patch up the scene you caused, Jotaro accepted it almost immediately.

Hence here they were in a neighboring cafe with two glasses of caffeinated drinks and plated sandwiches ready to consume on the table. “Oh gosh, we’ve been talking for this long and we still don’t know each other’s names.” You took a sip of your latte and continued. “I’m Y/N L/N. If you’re an avid media watcher, then you might recognize me.”

He tipped his hat. “Kujo Jotaro and no, I don’t have enough spare time to indulge in films.” But you’re familiar regardless and I’m unsure why.

“Not even an hour or two for yourself?” You asked. “You must have at least switched on the TV at least once and seen a movie that interested you.”

He hummed. “If it bothers you that much, then fine. I do watch documentaries and true crime investigations from time to time.”

“There you go,” you said but in the next second, you pondered out loud. “Did I ever star in crime films? I think… maybe? Or was that more of a romance?”

“Star in them?”

You nodded after you took a bite of your food. “I’m an actress hence why I pointed to the filming crew last time, and why I got insulted when you said I merely manned the camera.”

“Oh,” Jotaro said, a hint of warmth now present in his cheeks as he thought back to that moment. “I… misunderstood then. I apologize.”

“You don’t have to. I did more wrong anyways,” you chuckled. “But you don’t mind me asking what crime films you might’ve watched, do you? I’m curious.”

“Well, let’s see…”

And it went on and on from there. For the ever-focused and present Jotaro to get lost in his conversation was a feat on your part. What started from a simple question about what titles he watched spiraled into threads of other similar topics that all piqued his interest.

What he liked more than the thoughtful exchange between two acquaintances was watching you talk with so much passion. There was always something endearing in the way you would go in-depth without being conscious of the other person. Not only did it ease whatever tension he had about needing to talk back, but also gave him relief knowing when it was his turn to share, you won’t mind it one bit.

But the day has to end sometime and you needed to return and prepare, while he had to resume doing his job. You and he walked side-by-side to the entrance and outside the establishment was another person, waiting by the van. “Guess I’ll be taking my leave now.”

Jotaro nodded. Just then, the tightness around his wrist returned and he gazed back at you. “Hey…”

“Hm?”

You opened your mouth, the words nearly leaving you, but you shook your head and dismissed it. “Never mind. It’s nothing important.” Jotaro doubted that but he won’t force you to tell him if you didn’t want to.

He watched you walk ahead, greeting what he assumed was your manager. The person patted you as he slid the door open for you to enter, but before you did, you waved at Jotaro one last time. He removed one hand from his pocket to raise a goodbye gesture back.

The sky dimmed as his watch hit 6:00 and your van drove off into the distance.

He couldn’t help but hope he’d cross paths with you again.

---

A week passed.

The team arrived on the institute’s grounds miraculously on time, prepping everything until the scene was good to go. You got your make-up and outfit done, just some faint skin makeover to give off a more haggard look combined with your formal fit and lab coat, and met up with the male lead and director on the set.

“Alright, for this scene, I need you to follow after Y/N down these halls up to the part where you both end up in the open area here. I want to hear the desperation in your voice as you do so, got it?” Your co-star waved it off and gave a cocky thumbs-up. “Y/N, I need you to portray stressed out, pissed, but also with a hint of yearning when you try to get him off your tail.”

You nodded. Two out of the three emotions were of no problem when dealing with the guy you worked with.

As you got into place, you dismissed the watching eyes of the passing researchers and focused on the task at hand. Being the center of attention wasn’t anything new. I got this.

“And action!”

You moved at a brisk pace, filing through the many papers on your clipboard as you tried to ignore the pleas of the other lead. Behind the two of them, the cameras followed the duo through the hallways, walking past the background people without breaking away from the actors.

At the ending point, his character grabbed your arm and you react violently, yelling at him that your character needed to be left alone, only to proceed to talk about doing all of these jobs for him and the possibility of a future with them in it.

“Cut!” Immediately, you sighed and stepped out of character. “Y/N, you’re doing phenomenal with the frustrated rage you were letting out, but we need a bit more of the sad, longing aspect to your dialogue. Get emotional and tear up for effect. Or else, the audience might think you’re purely pissed at the guy for disturbing your job.”

You responded with a simple “got it”, however, as you re-took the scene again and again, you couldn’t find it in yourself to get emotional when the man you are responding to wanted to make you roast the living shit out of him. It was unprofessional but with the way he acted ever since the start of the project, you wanted to rip his eyes out and call it quits.

“Y/N,” the director said. “I know you’re co-star is making this hard for all of us, but if we want this scene to be over, you need to express better and give me that release the movie needs.”

You held back a groan and answered an honest “I’ll do my best.”

“Take 5! And action!”

At the click of the clapperboard, you re-did your steps down the halls with your clipboard in hand. “Ayumi, please hear me out! You don’t have to do this!” Cried Isamu but it all fell on deaf ears as you continued to ignore him.

“Why are you ignoring me?”

“How often do I have to tell you to leave me alone?!” You yell back, eyes still focused on the papers. “I need to finish this and you’re not helping!”

“Then let me at least try! Please, we need to talk!”

“There’s no point! You intervening will just make things worse!”

Both of you stepped outside and just as you were about to make a run, he grabbed your arm and held you back. You whipped your head back at him, staring at him with furrowed brows. “Why won’t you let me try? Do you hate me that much?”

This was the scene. You had to cry out to him with all the yearning you had, and you tried to find some way to bring such emotions out. You drew out the scene, trying to improvise a speechless act as you looked for ways to tear up.

One look in the corner of your eye and you found Jotaro watching you intently among the background researchers mumbling among themselves. He was stoic as ever, posture lax yet poised with his hands in his pockets, but there was something in the way he watched you that slipped past his stone-like expression. He had his brows furrowed and his lips tight as he never broke eye contact with you.

Your heart started to ache and you were reminded of the man in your dreams, but rather than the vision of him dead, your mind flashed glimpses of the stranger when he was alive. All of them were from your perspective and every one of them was like a memoir of two lovers- flashes of school uniforms and lunches, oceans and sunsets, a joyous wedding, and a budding family.

Were these… Your eyes swelled with tears. My life?

But you realized you were still on set and with the appropriate emotion, you said your lines. “Because I did!” You cried. “I did let you try but every time I let you back in… every time I let myself fall for you again, you die all over again. You don’t know how many times I’ve seen you die.”

“I’m doing all that I can, including putting all my goddamn efforts into this machine, just so I can save what we have.” You continued to sob, pulling away from his hold. You were meant to stare far off into the distance, away from your co-star, but your gaze drifted off to Jotaro instead.

“I promised I’d find you again in another universe but this time when I do, I’ll make sure we’ll never have to suffer the same fate as before.” Finishing that line, you tore away from the biologist’s gaze and back to Isamu with tired, puffy eyes. “So please, let me go and leave me be now you know what’s best for us.”

Isamu said nothing and dropped his hand in defeat.

“And cut! Y/N, that was amazing!” the director clapped his hands and slapped your back. You sniffled and let out an awkward chuckle. “See? I knew you had it in you! I expected nothing less from such a talented actress.”

“Yeah…” You tried to look past him and onto the watching crowd, trying to spot a certain blue-eyed man among the crowd. “Thanks…”

True to his words, the director wrapped up the shooting and applauded everyone with an enthusiastic good job. The crew patted themselves on the back and began to pack everything up, your co-star had already left beforehand as you would’ve expected, and your manager handed you a padded jacket and a steaming cup of coffee. “Took you long enough to get into the mood.”

But you didn’t answer as you kept searching among the moving crowd for his specific white coat and unique hat, but all you saw were the black shirts of the filming crew and the standard white coats of the other researchers that just happened to pass by. Why did you watch me like that? Your chest ached out of the blue and you grew restless. Were you there or did I just imagine you?

“Earth to Y/N-san! It’s about to rain!” You blinked yourself back into reality as you felt a droplet land on your nose. You swallowed and bowed your head in apology to which your manager simply waved it off. “It’s fine, let’s just head back inside.”

You said your farewells to the team as you stepped into a changing room to switch your formal wardrobe with a more casual fit, and after smoothing out your blouse and skirt, you headed to the nearby mirror to make sure your face was free of the make-up from earlier.

One look at your reflection and you stared at yourself with bewilderment, a hand coming up to rake through your hair. “What the hell was that?” You often took pride in your ability to immerse into the scene, be one with your character, and display the intended emotion, but for the first time, whatever it was that you felt- that surge of nostalgia and longing- was real.

Now came into question whether spotting him on the sidelines caused this or was it these emotions that triggered your brain to hallucinate the marine biologist watching you close by as a means of projection.

You shook your head and patted your cheeks. “You’re making this a big deal. It’s probably nothing.”

“Y/N-san! Do you need a ride back? Or do you have other plans?” Your manager said.

“I’ll go home by myself! You can go ahead!”

Pushing past your confused thoughts, you fetched your bag and made your way to the building’s entrance. Walking past the glass doors, the downpour hindered you from going any further. You opened your tote and rummaged around for an umbrella, only for panic to grow as you couldn’t find any.

“L/N-san.” You perked at the voice calling out to you. With one look over your shoulder, you widened your eyes as Jotaro approached you with an unreadable expression. “Looking for something?”

“Kujo-ssi,” you said, cheeks growing warm. “A-Ah yeah. An umbrella actually but I don’t think I brought it with me.”

It was a matter of time until he stopped a few feet away from you. “Here.” You paused and drifted your sight to the closed gray umbrella.

Heat crept up your face as you made a move to grab it with hesitation. “Aren’t you going to need it?”

He shook his head. “I have a spare one.”

You nodded, still dubious, and took the umbrella off his hand. You opened it and took one step forward, only to pause and look to your side and saw Jotaro still standing in place, not making any move to bring out the so-called “spare” from his satchel. He caught you looking and raised a brow in question.

“You don’t have one more, do you?”

He didn’t reply for a solid second, only to clear his throat instead. “I do.”

Sure you do. “Are you busy later?”

Jotaro cocked his head and turned to you. “Why do you ask?”

“Want to get some coffee?” You asked with warm cheeks. “But if you’re busy then it’s fine.”

“Sure,” he said as he glanced at his watch. “I need some caffeine for the late-night meeting. I might as well.”

In an instant, you smiled with relief. “That’s great because now I can do this,” you said as you gestured for the marine biologist to come closer which he did, surprisingly. With him close, you stretched your arm and lifted his umbrella to cover them both. “Now I don’t have to feel guilty over accidentally stealing your stuff. We can walk to the cafe together like this.”

Jotaro huffed with a small smile. “Walk? I can drive us there. If you want, I can also take you to your hotel once we’re finished.”

Your heated face never ceased despite the chilly breeze from the rain. “We still need to get to your car from the parking lot outside so…” You bit your lip. “Walking is technically still part of the journey.”

For the first time since you met him, Jotaro chuckled softly. “I guess it is. And by the way,” he took the stem of his umbrella and held it up higher than you did with ease. “You’re too short to keep us both dry.”

You pouted at his remark. “You could’ve offered earl-”

“We better head there now,” Jotaro said, cutting you mid-sentence. “The nearest cafe is going to close in 30 minutes.”

“Rude,” you moved closer to him as the two of you stepped into the rain. “Now you owe me that ride home.”

“For reminding you?”

“For cutting me off. Thou shall not cut me off mid-speech, understood?”

Jotaro smiled and shook his head. “Good grief.”

---

It was all history from that point moving forward.

One coffee out turned into another hangout, and ever since then, both would frequently find each other despite your hectic schedules, and every time, they’d find an excuse to stay for a bit longer.

Something that started from a simple date at a restaurant spiraled into a sightseeing trip around the rural landscapes of the capital. Once what was a quick exchange of formality between acquaintances, shifted into casual banter between close friends. You even got to meet his sweet mother for tea.

Eventually, somewhere in the middle, you kissed him one fateful evening and he kissed back.

And that would be the last meeting you got with the biologist before he set off to sea to accomplish an on-site dive for a study.

Time seemed to pass faster than usual. You can still remember when you acted out your first scene in Tokyo months ago and here you were now- about to wrap up the last scene to film before sending the footage to the editing department. Everyone in the filming crew cheered among themselves and thanked you for the work you’ve put into the project, complete with a bouquet and a snack truck with your name and image plastered all over.

Even as your manager patted you on the back and offered his “good jobs” and compliments, you could only think of sharing your accomplishments with Jotaro, wanting to huddle close and talk about what was to come next for a leading star. At the same time, he would hold you in his arms as he listened.

But all you could do for now was send a text message for him to read in hopes he would open them when he’s no longer busy. And so you were left by yourself, lost in thoughts and dreams about your repeated visions that stormed your mind. Up to now, you couldn’t remember the name you uttered at the end.

Of the man you held as you died in what appeared to be a past life.

To celebrate the success of the shoot, the director hosted a party a week after where everyone involved in the movie was invited and have a well-earned good time. And you did enjoy your time there; you got to eat a buffet-worth of food, drink as much as you could without getting drunk, and get into wild conversations with the other actors about what their acting experiences were doing this film.

It was only as you were about to head into the van your manager drove did the news arrive. It blared on a skyscraper’s big screen announcing a freak accident that occurred to a research vessel that sent a certain marine biologist into the hospital in critical condition.

Dread poured over you instantly, your heart falling into a deep void as it feared the worst.

Whatever you intended to do that night flew out the window as you told your manager to drive you to the hospital mentioned in the news, and noticing the panic in your voice, he didn’t bother to question you and did what you told him to do.

You bolted out of the vehicle the second it stopped in front of the building’s glass doors. You made a beeline to the nurse’s station and asked where he was, growing frustrated when she told you guests weren’t allowed to visit no matter how many times you tried to tell her he was your boyfriend.

Your efforts were dismissed and all you could do was sit on one of the many chairs in the waiting area, head in your hands as you did your best not to break into hysterics. Your manager stayed put and not knowing how to comfort you properly, he stroked your back in silent reassurance.

From the outside looking in, you shouldn’t be feeling such extreme emotions for someone who you recently met and dated within a short amount of time. Being upset at a loved one’s threatened health is normal, but this was something that hurt you more than it did anyone else.

It was visceral. It induced a gnawing guilt that began to consume you from the core and you didn’t know how to process that when you shouldn’t be feeling such emotion when you didn’t do anything to earn it.

Hours passed and you remained seated even as your manager politely left an hour ago. By some blessing made by whatever greater deity was there, an equally distraught Holly found you in tears upon hearing the news, and with the loving touch of a mother, she wrapped you in a warm embrace and you did the same.

She led you to where her son’s room was and upon entering through the door, you bit your lip as the tears began to swell in your eyes seeing your lover’s current condition- unconscious and bandaged heavily on one side of his face with an oxygen mask fixed on his face.

Knowing you, Holly gently encouraged you to sit by his side and gave you ample time to stay with him alone before leaving the room, closing the door with a soft click.

You let out a shaky exhale as you gently reached for his hand, bringing it to your lips to kiss the knuckles and enclosing it with your other hand. “Why am I hurting this much?” You muttered. “I’ve known you for months and yet it feels like years. I feel like I’m going to die seeing you like this.”

You held his hand tight as you laid your forehead on it, praying for him to wake as soon as he could. Little did you know, you slept throughout the night in this dim hospital room still in the outfit you wore from the party.

And then you were in that dream once more, witnessing the rushing waves and moving skies yet again. However, you were an active viewer of the experience and with your conscious dream state, you looked over at the fallen allies lying on the ocean surface, and in front of you was… him.

You couldn’t be more stupid when you didn’t recognize him at first glance, but as if the veil had been removed, you saw his face in clear daylight.

All those visages of high school up to marriage were with him and only him. You knew now the last piece of the puzzle. His name.

The man in the white coat and ripped hat.

“Jotaro.”

---

He was drowning.

Jotaro couldn’t even bring it in himself to do anything as he let the sea drag him to the depths. Perhaps, this dream made sense considering what had happened during his recent dive: It happened underwater, his face got cut against a rocky wall of jagged edges, and he became unconscious.

But this felt different as if this dream was a disjointed memory that wasn’t his but it was at the same time.

He wasn’t wearing the diving gear he’d usually use, but a purple coat with gold accents and a ripped hat that had the same color as his fit. He was blind in one eye as he had expected and with his functioning eye, he watched as red trailed up from his gash.

Was this vision a sign that he was simply going to drown for the rest of his life? And why did he feel guilt when no one was involved but himself?

Jotaro should be doing something to get out of this situation, swimming to the surface and taking a breath, but he felt numb as if he was stuck in a cold paralysis. He wasn’t in control of his body but he could sense the dull pain and fatigue putting him in this bind.

‘I see how it is…” He stopped resisting and let his eyes close, accepting that this was his fate.

But a sudden warmth came to him in a heartbeat. Muffled by the water, a gentle chime of a music box strung itself for Jotaro to hear. ‘What… was this?’ Then there was that familiar tightness wrapped around his wrist that led to him opening his eyes.

And there you were, your hand holding his wrist.

There was fondness dripping from the way you looked at him, a sad smile gracing your features even as you let yourself be engulfed in the cold water alongside him.

No words were said as you swam closer to him, reaching forward to cup his cheek with your free hand, and even amid the watery void, seeing the surface become out of reach, Jotaro smiled as he moved his hand to engulf yours. On both yours and his hands, a wedding ring adorned your ring fingers and it was this moment, he realized.

‘It was you.’

He pulled you to him and wrapped you in a warm embrace, burying his face on your shoulder. You did the same as you held him tight.

And now, even as they sink to the darkest depths of the abyss, he won’t be alone. At least they had each other and that’s all he needed.

---

You wake with tears rolling in your eyes and with your sudden realization, you shot upright and turned to Jotaro sitting up as well, with a hand gently touching his affected face with the bandages that covered it undone and on his lap.

“Jotaro-ssi…” He paused and shifted his attention to you, slowly lowering his hand to reveal the aftermath of his accident.

It was the exact injury you constantly saw in your dreams; the same vertical scar that ran down the right side of his face with the injured eye now dull and glassy. It’s really you. You hid your mouth in a feeble attempt to stifle a sob. “You’re awake.”

“Y/N…”

Through a blurred vision, you looked at him as he grazed your hand with his. Without hesitation, you held it tight and brought his palm to your lips. He huffed, hearing the smile as he did. With a gentle caress of his thumb on your cheek, he said.

“I found you.”

[pinguwrites]

Black Heart | Masterlist

Pairing -> Thomas Shelby x fem!poc!reader

Summary -> The year is 1920, and you have no idea how you got here. One moment, you were in your bed, and the next, you were lying in a field of grass, thousands of miles away from home. All you know is that you're in a small town called Birmingham, and you need money. Fortunately, the local gangster is in the market for an accountant, and you're in the market for a job.

Rating -> Mature (12 year age gap, swearing, smut, slow burn, depictions of murder and torture and suicide, mentions of rape, + more warnings with each chapter)

Disclaimer -> I do not own Peaky Blinders, nor am I affiliated with it. This is just fanfiction. I don’t own the pictures or font used in the banner.

A/N -> I’m really excited to start this series and I hope anyone reading this enjoys my little delusion as well. The story begins a little bit before season two of the show and while it will be following the show’s plot it will also have other storylines and may derive from the set timeline. Also, I want to note that I’ve written the reader as female, a person of color, and of American nationality. Reader can be envisioned in whatever way, but as poc, I didn’t feel comfortable writing this story without acknowledging the racism and sexism a person like me would face in this time. That’s the only reason why that’s in there, and it can be ignored as it’s not really major. Thank you for reading!

CURRENTLY ON HOLD + REWRITE

Playlist ->

Preview

Chapter One: Evening Cigarettes