#i don’t know what tags to use lmao
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Clementine returns. (PHIGHTING!)
deciding to accumulate all of these into a singular post to make my life easier + so that I can have some more food for you all,,, anyways.
My. My son. Clementine my baby my sweet boy,,, Some of these ARE actually reposts but the first 2 are for sure not :3! (I think at least LMAO), enjoy this :3! I must go back to my hole /silly
(Also a bonus as well )
#Yeah I thought it would be best to just#Shove all of these together LMAO#anyways! Here’s my son Clementine :3#He’s my beloved biograft oc and my favorite thing to do with him ever is draw him over cat memes#I know I’ve said it in the past but he’s not actually a biocat#I just draw him as one a lot LMAO#I do wanna like. Put a small thing though since I’ve noticed a bit of a rise in it and it’s that like#Just to nite#this IS my oc#he is an owned character with lore and stuff#Like. If you use these for anything please please PLEASE make sure to credit me#I won’t be upset if you don’t but it’s just very much preferred obviously since he’s MY character and I’m very nervous about him#Getting stolen and stuff#Not mad or anything and it’s not targeted at anyone what so ever but I just think that it should be stated!#Anyways TAG TIME YAAAAY#art#artists on tumblr#phighting!#phighting#digital art#phighting roblox#phighting art#roblox#roblox phighting#phighting fanart#for the memes#funny memes#meme#tumblr memes#humor
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I know The Founders Cut, generally, is the edited scrubbed over version of genloss from Showfall in-universe (as well as a not-8-hour-long-three-stream-binge-night whenever we want to watch it again) but something that struck me as odd and I haven’t seen anyone mention yet, is this warning
It shows up right at the junction where the third act starts, where it appears the Hero is breaking free of Showfall thanks to Hetch. But here’s the thing, while a LOT less than the previous acts the audience still played a significant role in this act, even when really only given two audience interaction choices. Which makes me wonder, how real is this warning, and who is it for? Obviously the audience involved knows what happens past this point, but the audience is also implied to be an integral part of the Social Experiments, which is part of why things start to tweak out when the Founder removes them in the Founder Cut as the Generation Loss generation loses.
My first thought, was that obviously this is another bait and switch, a way to draw the audiences attention, seeing something that’s secret, something that’s not “meant for them”, which is a tactic I could see Showfall using in universe to keep people’s attention and add an air of mystery to their shows.
But
Showfall is doing all their experiments and these shows with a LOT of help from their censors to show it off, displaying a fun silly show that is definitely not uber fucked up and that is 100% just slime don’t worry about it, it’s kid friendly if it’s green! And I don’t think they’d want to bet all their cards on this one experiment doing well enough to their audience to not question the sudden shift in tone that follows this warning. Which makes me wonder.
They did their test, they did their experiment, and the evidence of this last act? I think it was a one time run, they don’t want anyone seeing this, it isn’t for the audience. Act three is specifically to both test and play with their Hero, Hetch’s new lines add a level to this, never once does he call the Hero by their name, just refers to Ranboo as their Role, and he’s not exactly. Nice? About literally any of Ranboos concerns, which wouldn’t really seem conductive to making an audience trust him, especially with his monologue at the end. Ranboo has escaped before, possibly right before act 1 started, they tightened the security on his mask to be unremovably part of them, Hetch doesn’t like the Hero but they’re a fan favorite so he can’t just get rid of them.
Act three is the cumulation of Ranboo being punished for things they don’t remember, for daring to break free from Showfalls control, this is Hetch taking the Hero and essentially majorly fucking and manipulating them to take his frustration out on a fan favorite they can’t otherwise get rid of or give a smaller role like Slimecicle. which is exemplified by the fact that we now know Charlie most likely was never able to actually able to fully snap out of the control, that even in act three in panic and confusion there was at least still a part of him being influenced by Showfall.
So the first two acts are the usual show, they have their posters, they have Squiggles to introduce them, they have goofs and silliness and only a couple slip ups that’re quickly dealt with, the usual rose tinted curtains. Act three?
Do not watch the following material
#or Showfalls just bein silly goofy and pretending they’re letting us in on a secret that isn’t one and playing off the reveal of#what they’re up to as just another plot of a show and hey that isn’t real don’t worry it#but I also think Hetch is really truly throwing Ranboo around like a ragdoll for more than just audience entertainment during act three#I think it could tie in to Chronicle Zero though. if Zeros dreams are connected to what happened to Ranboo then she knows something#Showfall would have a vested interest in her. not in fact. knowing that#and maybe trying to make her not know about any it anymore in a very Showfall kinda way#I’m less versed in what’s going on with Chronicle Zero tbh but I’m tryin. I fuckin love Gen loss#robot rambles#generation loss#genloss#Ranboo#I’m doin the thing where I ramble but it’s my blog I do what I want here#and I’m having hard life stuff happen irl rn so I’m clinging to genloss because it brings me joy and the timing of the FC was super helpful#also if anyone was curious I think Hetch is a bitch but I do acknowledge the possibility of him also being controlled#and I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him#but that’s stuff for not-in-this-post lmao#I had a theory tag at some point but imma be so fr I Do Not Remember what it was
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The bear creatüre has a bachelor degree now
Yea I graduated uni today 🐻❄️🎓🎉
Feels weird tbh 💥
My brain did not register this information yet
Diploma comic reveal when? 👀
#watch me ramble in the tags like a silly billy 🐻❄️👓#bachelors degree#graduation#degree#diploma#it’s actually called bachelor’s degree but literally everyone I know calls it diploma lmao#legit need to get used to the fact I’m a graduate#what do you mean I’m actually a graphic designer now *what do you mean*#I am a silly student forever#*picks up a pen* *it explodes*#🐻❄️✏️💥#I’m still yet to receive an actual document tho#but today was a final presentation and grading#I don’t have a cool photo with a silly paper yet 😔#also today was really stressful and cringe lmao💥#🐻❄️☝️clarification I was cringe#I dunno nervousness screws u over okay 💥💥#there were a moment where the professors had to ask you mandatory questions about the project#and the lady asked ‘’what inspired you to create this comic? 🌸’’#my goofy ass answered ‘’stress’’#I MEAN IT IS TRUE#BUT LIKE💥#I could’ve answered something more poetic or something 😭#yea but I’m really glad that it’s finally over#the preparation for the final presentation I mean#(the stress™️ is never over obviously#but at least the main event is)
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#people are gonna be big mad when I say this so I’m hiding it in tags#lmao if you’re still a Ziam I love you I respect you and just… stop reading now lol for your health okay?#or unfollow and block me whatever just… CURATE YOUR EXPERIENCE IS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY#but the DIFFERENCE between how Zayn talks about his daughter#versus…. well I mean do I even have to say it lmao#I’m watching the Zach Sang interview and it is freaking WILD#W I L D#and I just think people should maybe use critical thinking skills and wonder why that is#and! and! Zayn and Gigi have done a fabulous job drawing boundaries about what they will and won’t share#so don’t come at me with oh but Louis needs to be private#or some of that nonsense#because at no point does Zayn say things that really cross that line?#he just…. he talks like an actual dad#and I’m sorry I know no one cares and we’re in this and it doesn’t matter#but the difference - if someone actually cared to look and listen?#the difference is astonishing in my opinion#anyway#ignore this lol
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Way to Dawn and X-blade Particle effects comparison
I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned this yet, but I was recently watching a BBS play through when I noticed- Hey. The particle effects for the X-blade looked REALLY similar to Riku’s Way to Dawn. Like. Pretty much EXACTLY THE SAME, besides the color as they are fading.
I’ll post some images here for comparison
X-Blade effects, Vanitas fight BBS:
(Sorry for the awful image quality lmao)
Riku’s Way to Dawn, Kh2:
I can’t be the only one who finds that really really weird, no?
The end part of the animations does have some differences, but really only in color. Even the shape they form as they fade away is exact.
X-blade, Vanitas:
(Sorry Ven- it’s for science-)
These ones are an orange/yellowish color
Then for Riku’s Way to Dawn:
Kh2:
His start out a bit yellow at the center then fade to blue
They are also like this in Kh 3D
Some bonus images:
Vanitas Fight, BBS:
This is how I originally noticed the effects, because I got a good look at them down on the attack command panel in the corner.
And here’s Xehanort’s in kh3, when he has the X-blade:
I feel like his are a bit more red?
Anyways, yeah. That’s that. It’s pretty odd in my opinion. I also don’t think any other keyblades share these effects, either, but if anyone else finds anything then please post it lol
I had originally posted this in a discord server I’m in, and a few of the people there (including myself) theorized that it could be related to how the X-blade isn’t truly the final form of it’s“X-blade series”. That it’s like the “Way to Dawn” of its respective line, not having arrived at its final evolution yet, still on the path to get there. That’s just one interpretation, but I do quite like it.
What do you guys think?
#kingdom hearts#kh#riku#kh riku#vanitas#x-blade#xehanort#birth by sleep#dream drop distance#kh2#y’all I do not know how to tag this lmao#I don’t think I’ve ever used that many actual non-rambling tags before-#kh theory#I should probably add that as well-#I think this is good lol#oh shit I just noticed I could move tags around and not have to delete my entire thing to change the positions what-#I’ll do that from now on
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here’s a pic of me in the bathroom at the restaurant earlier btw. really really cute patio. good drinks!! my hair looked fucking crazy bc it was soooo humid. frizz fuckin cityyyyy!! can’t wait to go to my salon appointment on tuesday & be like “i want to look like a lion that somebody gave a trim to with kitchen scissors in the bathroom at a basement show except im so tired of cutting my own hair in the bathroom so that’s why im paying you to make it happen. please”
#i keep getting surprised how long it is. i have it up so much of the time now that when its down it’s just soo long#my hair hasn’t been this long since high school#also the poor stylist… it was in so many layers last time there’s split ends literally in every section of hair you can imagine#the whole thing is split ends. maybe i should just shave my hair again and start fresh. cancel the appointment#photo record#face tag#chatpost#also for the record i do have real hair scissors i don’t use kitchen scissors on my hair#i know what i’m doing im just tired of doing it by myself#on the other hand i also hate paying for it which is why i haven’t had a haircut in two years. lmao
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Hey, look guys, more art-
HOPE.
I’ve been wanting to draw him like this ever since I first saw him smile, but my will to draw eluded me until now! This started off as a doodle, so, please excuse the messiness. I drew this to de-stress.
“Fire” Red belongs to @creatively-cosmic. They have a blog called @themissingnumbers, which is really good! Go check it out if you want to see more.
[Sketch + Colored Version below the cut!]
#Not my greatest work but it’s what I made :)#Hope you don’t mind the lack in quality- haha#I’ve made better pieces#but I still like this one!#I feel like I’m getting better at drawing his hair lmao-#I just kinda messed around with this one but I really wanted to draw him smiling#Fire smiling makes me happy :)#He deserves to be happy#and I hope I can help him attain that happiness.#Even if my help is the equivalent of Baby Steps lmao#Gotta start somewhere!#I could not find the font used for the hidden text for the life of me#but I found a similar one!#Hope Starry and the Mods are doing well!#And I hope we get to see more Happy/Hopeful Fire in the future :)#His smile is precious-#(Bonus!: Y’know what I really wanna see? Red smiling. And not the creepy wide/crazy/manic smiles he usually has.#I mean a true honest-to-god genuine smile. Now THAT would be a sight for the history books. Red deserves to smile too.#Just like everyone else does.#That might be my next goal aside from befriending Leaf—getting Red to smile.#Is that probably going to be extremely difficult? Oh most definitely! But I think he’s worth the effort.)#(Bonus-Bonus!: I wanna give Red a hug so bad-#but I also feel like he’d bite me or something if I tried :(#Maybe he’d just let it happen? Or cry. Or both—who knows?#Red deserves some gentle treatment. He’s been through a lot too.)#I wonder who I’ll get the will to draw next? Hopefully I’ll do them justice!#Long ahh tags Jesus Christ- Didn’t know I could max them out.#Missing Numbers#Fire Red Yuuji#My Art
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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vent below. it’s mostly just feeling stuff. I’ll delete it later.
it’s kind of funny how depressed I get when I can’t make something perfect.
and even if I make it to the best of my ability, I don’t really think it matters much. this is what I get for burning myself out. I keep trying to do things and not being able to do them because they’re outside my skill level.
it’s a loop. I want to be good -> I practice -> I think I’m ready to try something bigger -> I get burned out -> I think I won’t ever be able to be good -> I feel forgotten -> I think that nobody really cares about my arts -> I know people care about my art but I want to be better -> repeat.
I don’t understand what im doing wrong. i feel like ill end up hated. I’ve been told im very forgettable, and it’s true. one thing i do is forgotten in the long run. everything. I don’t really leave any impact.
that’s all. I hope you didn’t read this, I don’t need anyone concerned about me.
#vent#i don’t know if this can be interpreted as suicidal ideation but if it is then understand that’s not what’s happening#I just don’t feel like myself#I don’t feel right#I don’t feel useful#I often wonder what I should do with myself if im useless#so I try to be as kind as I can#and give as many gifts as I can to brighten peoples days#I just wish people would give me a chance#I wish people would stop replacing me and understand me better#lmao I sound like a pick me#Sorry for the rant in the tags#im sorry for everyone who follows me and has to deal with these random mood swings#post later#I don’t know#sorry
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I’m bored and can’t sleep so I doodled my hyv s/i in my favourite outfits for when I’m obligated to go outside and/or obligated to look good
Ft the actual fits
#dmtryo [hoyo]#❥ 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇’𝓈 𝐵𝓇𝓊𝓈𝒽#s/i#a part of me wants to use the punk tags bc it is a punk fit and it is#generally#what I wear out to events#but also it has acquired the name “the poser fit”#bc I get called a poser in it constantly lmao and I genuinely don’t know why#it’s got a good mix of band and political patches#all handmade and sewn on by hand#hell I made all but one#which was handmade locally and bought from a pride show#I don’t know what else I could do?#besides not be fem presenting I guess#❥ my art
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I have no clue why a sudden amount of people all sent me asks within the same like day or two but they’re so fun to get so if you ever wanna send or tell me anything at all, I mean— it’s there!
I don’t exactly use tumblr outside of my own page because I don’t want to get attached to another app for me to mindlessly browse through so I just still don’t really know how a lot of things work? I don’t even know how many if anyone will see this because I’m used to Twitter and have no idea about any of this but I’m posting this anyway 👍
Have a nice day everyone
#it’s telling me to add tags#but like#I don’t even know what tags I’m supposed to use on this#like what#but I’ve seen people just talk in these#so i guess I’ll do that lmao
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…is this a bad time to mention that I don’t have a spotify and instead listen to all my music on youtube with an ad block because im unhinged little beast who leaps from music to video essays at mach 5 speed and also likes to listen to video game music remixes/remasters that aren’t available on spotify so i cant really justify getting an entirely separate app for playlists when i already have everything i want consolidated in one place even though i will admit it is indeed getting annoying with all the anti-ad block policies and what have you and i do sometimes yearn to participate in all the playlist trends but yeah wjdjwjdjw anyway thanks for all the tags in the playlist tag games and just know that my list would likely be a constant cycle between like, movie score, video game score, and the s2 soundtrack PFFFF
#WIDKWKDKWKD WHENEVER I SEE THE TAGS IM LIKE#IM THE IMPOSTER IN AMONG US#LAUNCH ME OUT INTO SPACE BESTIES#I AM BUT A FOOL AND FAKE FAN 😔#i can indeed share what ive been listening to if anyone wants to know though LMAO#i just don’t get the same aesthetically pleasing playlist experience 🥲#BUT thank yall for thinking of me anyway 💕
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#feel free to reblog the meme if u like lmao#just leave the tags out#vent.txt#<- sorry just need to have a moment lmao#inflicted w the yearnings for romantic relationship yet again 😞 but so keenly aware of how much I’d have to unpack in myself to truly be a#part of it#like. I don’t trust people. I don’t confide in people. I tell them nothing about myself for years and years and I used to resent a little#that that was enough for them. that they didn’t NEED to know. that me loving and caring for them was enough. but it’s so silly because like#how can you resent people for not knowing what you won’t tell them. so thankfully THAT has passed#but it’s just like. there are so many issues. like I just CANNOT conceptualise myself as romantically attracted#attractive*#not even in a self deprecating sense it just feels like an immutable fact. I can’t imagine someone looking at me w romantic desire.#and it’s like. I honestly don’t know if I could let my walls down enough to actively love someone back like that#it’s so easy to love from afar. and hell haha maybe THATS because it’ll always be easier to love someone when they can’t know all of you to#love in return#but I just don’t know how I can do it. I don’t know how to view the risk as being worth it#and at the end of the day I’ll be okay if romantic love isn’t in the cards for me. you can live a happy life without#but ah fuck. sometimes the but I am so lonely.jpg hits
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hey hi hi hello ! I just wanted to say that I now have an ao3 account and will hopefully be posting some of my writing there soon :>
read more for more rambles (theres a lot) + sneak peek of my writing —>
so. I think i’ve been talking about this for a while now, kept debating whether or not I would ever post my writing, but… recently I’ve been in more of a “who gives a shit” attitude and realized hey, i can do what i want. who cares if my writing’s not perfect? it is not anyone’s privilege to be able to read my work or see my art, and if they decide they don’t like it, well. i don’t care.
I only started writing again in July, after a good many years of me having stopped writing anything that wasn’t an assignment for my classes. but i started reading some fanfics early this year and it really made me want to get back into it. so,,, here i am? lol?
i’ve been writing a multi-chapter fic for my life series au, and I plan to start posting it on ao3. you may have seen me talking about it a lot. i started writing it for myself as a complete self indulgent fic that I wasn’t sure i was going to finish, and it’s not finished yet—far from it—but i now actually have the confidence to say that this is something that I really, really want to finish.
i want to talk a little bit more about the fic here for anyone who may be interested in reading it, so,,, yeah.
i’ve talked about the au a lot in an ask and also a bit in some of my art of the au, BUT right here i’m going to focus on the fic.
It is smalletho focused, but other relationships like jizzie, ethubs, and the bad boys are also really important to the story. ranchers and desert duo and gempearl are also there. and like i said in an ask before explaining the au, the relationships are really meant to be quite ambiguous. the only really established relationship is jizzie, but in the fic it immediately becomes clear that that is somewhat in the past (they did not break up. i would never do that to them. they love each other very much jizzie divorce is not real). The reason for this is mostly just because I myself am aroace spec (and possibly on other spectrums like aplatonic and afamilial) and i. Really. Am. like. So fascinated by ambiguous relationships. i think they are so much more fun to read than established ones I’m sorry LMAO.
The chapters are aimed to be in the 4-6k word range, and I hope to have 7-10 chapters in total, maybe a little bit over that if i need to lol, it all depends on how quickly i get the story to progress. i may even end up splitting it into two different fics? I definitely have ideas for more aside from what I would consider to be the main plot, so,, it’s possible.
what i’m really focusing on when writing is actually less about the plot and more about the feeling. I’m really giving my whole self to this fic because it has ended up to be… a lot more personal, in some ways? i’m doing my best to really create something that can make you feel. Because it is my favorite thing when fics make me feel emotions. and a lot of that has just stemmed from my own experiences in life, even though a lot of the struggles the characters face are quite different to mine.
In the end this fic is basically me just mixing together all my favorite tropes (or whatever you’d call it) and my favorite ships and my favorite setting and my favorite things (tragedy and healing from said tragedy. and also nature and the world and shit i dont know LOL) and throwing up words.
here is a little sneak peek screenshot for anyone who wants to see it :J
taken on my phone because i write on my phone. applaud the quality
TL;DR - i started writing again after a long time and am going to start posting a smalletho focused multi-chapter fic where i’ve really tried to capture emotion. on my new ao3 account because i finally made one after like a year of debating
#sphynx rambles#i don’t reckon i’ll be using that tag much but you know. maybe. just so you can mute me if you dont want to see text posts#i may use it to ramble. possibly. I would feel incredibly annoying but im already trying to get out of my comfort zone#sphynx LIFE au#<— probably temporary tag until i figure out a better one LMAO this is my struggle. Help#anyway gonna be going back & adding that tag to everything else about this au if you want to go take a looksieeeee :J#T HI IS WEEK HAS BEEN SO STRESSFUL#comforting myself by writing about block men#posting this is also stressful because it means committing to posting my writing but#If i dont do it now ill keep procrastinating forever so you know what IM DOING IT ANYWAY.
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I’m just so… I don’t want jaehyun to eventually alter the way he acts or presents himself due to backlash from fans (in and out of the bonedo fandom) regarding his “loudness” and energy. it doesn’t cause harm to him or his band members. he’s relatively good at reading the room and adjusting his seriousness (like sometimes I think people think they chose the bonedo leader willy nilly lmao) and he’s not oblivious or unaware of his bandmates and others. like anyone else, I’m sure there’s moments when he might need help refocusing or w/e, but I have yet to see anyone who is warranted to have an opinion (ie: knows him irl) react negatively to his personality? like he’s not the first idol to be talkative. he’s not the first idol that might run around a bit. he’s not the first idol to make a lot of jokes or flirt with half his bandmates. it’s not a new personality. it’s a little different than what we see in other leaders but again, it’s not “new”. loud people were not invented in 2003. and over time, maybe he’ll mellow out a bit. it happens. or maybe he’ll remain as he is, that’s cool too. and as a leader, I kind of hope for the latter bc the industry will work them and burn them out and I hope they’re able to maintain their youth and softness towards the world. that not everything is a battle or a fight, that the job while a job, can be one they continue to enjoy to do.
#to delete probably#from behind the door#like i don’t know to explain how i feel protective of jaehyun’s personality and those with similar ones#example is j@ckson w@ng (sorry i don’t want this in his tags) and how he outward personality has sort of#shifted in more recent years to be less known as the more loud and goofy kind of guy#to this cool guy or whatever#and that’s a bit… generalizing LOL but it’s an example#mark and bb discussed it i believe#contrasting.. you have mj#who is still the same mj imo#and like personally have whatever opinion you do yknow?#like it gets annoying? that’s fine it happens#hell I do not think I’d survive a day with jaehyun#love him to bits but that would be a lot#and guess what? I don’t have to lmao#i’m not in bonedo LOL#AND NETIRHR ARE YALL ON THE INTERNET#like just step away#take a break#turn off the volume#like… it’s one thing to be like he’s loud and it’s another thing to use it as something inherently negative#like ‘your personality is cringe’ like noooo don’t tell people that#idk how to explain it…. i guess it’s really on my own upbringing of#if you don’t got something nice to say don’t say it#y’all can comment on your group being quieter than other groups and how you love that#without dragging in some other name to say they’re annoying and the opposite#actually i take back what i said in a previous tag#you can probably address a person being loud or talkative or just… a different energy level#without calling them annoying i think#WHY DID THIS BLOG TURN INTO ME RANTING
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It’s strange, I’m used to hyperfixating hard on things like HARD (beats my 2yr long beetlejuice musical obsession back with a stick) but Starbreaker- not even fantasy high itself took me over to the point of feeling like a teen about. Like I haven’t had this much fun in fandom in years. I haven’t like- interacted with people this much in fandom in years (which is still not enough but if I beat myself up about social interaction again I’ll jump off a cliff)
But there’s never been a concern of like “this obsession won’t fade for a while but it’ll lose popularity” and that’s fine and surprisingly it hasn’t. But it is different. It’s like adapting to it constantly as the thing itself changes even when there are aspects that you’d like to stay the same. Like that ‘I don’t go to this school of thought, but I’ll still take the class bc it’s interesting’ sorta thing.
And then there’s that feeling of WANTING to contribute but the thing has become such a beast that it’s like oooh I’m so out of my depths here.
Also like constantly having to look myself in the eye and be like ‘bitch you don’t have to talk or contribute to EVERYTHING’ and the sooner I accept that and accept that it is what it is, ill miss things, I won’t get enjoyment out of every aspect and every aspect isn’t for me and that that isn’t a bad thing, I’ll stop having moments of feeling weird and out of place. I have my lil corner and that’s okay
#ngl I think the biggest ‘culture shock’ ig about being in fandom is that tagging systems have changed so much or something bc I’m used to#walking in a tag and that’s where you find everything#but now it’s different#things are tagged wayyy differently and it means missing things or setting aside time to go down a list to check every blog#I dunno#I always feel a little weird about main tagging sb stuff now bc I’ll check the tag and it’s like oh? things are slowing down#but it’s like nooo bc of tagging and different lanes entirely I’m just missing stuff#idk what this is I’m just talking but it’s strange#I think I’m bad at fandom and that defeats the purpose of it bc it’s recreational#it’s supposed to be fun.#it’s /supposed/ to be fun#I saw a post the other day of someone that’s in this purely for Jace and having similar feelings of being out of the loop and it got me#thinking bc on some part I’ve contributed to it and I’ve probably clogged tags#but the lizard part of my brain that gets the dopamine boost from getting a note is like if I don’t main tag it won’t be seen#but truly either way I am mostly talking to myself lmao#so yah know? idk it should be fun#idk what this is and idk if I’ll fully ever commit to a different/quieter tagging system#bc tumblr is the place I got to scream and be annoying without being told it’s too much and some how I’ve convinced myself that on my own#blog and fandom spaces I enjoy that I’m just annoying#and I don’t wanna think that#I think I’m tired. like hyperfixation hasn’t died but the part of me that’s hungry for being completely consumed by it is tired#my one fear is that I’ll be so annoying that my fic will finish and no one will care#which isn’t true bc I’ll care until the bitter end lmao#idk I’ve talked so much that I’m like oh I’ve done the thing again I should shut up#also this is too like- self focused way too self focused#which just makes it worse bc then I’m like that’s what got me in this mess#but goddamn there’s just so much shit I’m missing out on and interactions I’d like to have but about things that I’m out of my depths on#so it made fandom a little lonely and a little secular#feeling like a kid on the outs#I want that feeling to die especially about the things I love
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