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more-thoughts-than-money · 10 months

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Born “gifted”; grown chronically depressed

// long, personal post. basically a tutorial on express therapy (and by express I mean 10 years of rationalising, learning psychology on myself and fictional characters + 48 hours of not sleeping)

When I was grieving I spent 48 hours sleepless

it’s not that I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been on insomnia medication for 3 years now. I just had to “have a reason” and time to actually acknowledge my emotion and thoughts which caused my body to struggle with setting a “proper” circadian rhythm

Living with a 5 person family in basically a studio flat for 13 years of my life low-key harmed my ability to think and “feel” without privy eyes

this accidentally sent my brain into survival mode where I could only “think rationally” at night

So when we moved out and I got to have a room of my own

that’s when *serious* sleep problems started

my brain would just REFUSE to shut the fuck up

first off I was used to tv noise while falling asleep

i fixed it up with some rain sounds or watching ATLA when I was feeling funky

it distracted me enough

still I wouldn’t fucking sleep.

because my brain didn’t feel like it

probably hyperactivity which I could never “treat” with sport as an asthmatic kid

also an outcast but it is what it is

unable to name the cause of my insomnia I would just head to sleep at 10pm. Two reasons for that:

a) you know what they say! Don’t trust your thoughts after 10PM

b) 8h of sleep is THE healthy amount. And it seems like my brain likes waking up early for whatever reason!

yeah also I went through a fair share of medication before they got it right

anyways whoops I’m depressed now. Very depressed and even more anxious. Day by day my brain is giving me more compulsive behaviours and thoughts! Yaaay!

so I went through a 3 years worth of antidepressants

also a lot of unintended research (thanks, tiktok.)

basically I “subconsciously” KNEW what my problem is but “consciously” my brain refused I acknowledge it because haha living in the state of constant survival mode is way more fun! right?

right?

basically it was like being a doctor and being pretty certain about the diagnosis but having to go to some other doctor to objectively either confirm or discard my diagnosis

yeah anyways I changed medication, SNRI, venlafaxine

known to help some adhd folk with severe vegetative depression for “no reason”

Yeah basically my new psychiatrist kept on upping the dose until I got “a kick in the ass” so we know it works

and then my aunt died.

wELL my workaholic and emotionally constipated child brain would NOT acknowledge it

hell you’d catch me dead before I’d admit that I felt shitty but didn’t know how to deal with that because at the same time I “saw it coming”

No one ever told me she’s sick

I just saw her hair loss (or rather a sudden haircut change and awkward silence that followed) and had some foggy memory of someone saying her sister died of cancer

Mind you I don’t fucking remember my childhood that well

hell I don’t remember it at all but it is what it is

I just “know” some things and some are more of a “hunch”

I have this information buried in my brain but I can’t recall how it got there, ykwim?

yeah basically I was suspecting she’s dying of cancer but I was trying to stay optimistic and told myself I’m “overthinking it”

and I thought the mourning was “good enough of a reason” to stay up for 48 hours, write down my “thoughts” and wail all day long (yes, everyone gave me shit for crying growing up, how did you know?)

anyways yeah I did this and suddenly I “solved” the root of ALL my anxieties and minor paranoias.

as if it was a fucking riddle. Or a fucking house MD episode.

I hope you can understand WHY I’m so livid.

I SPENT OVER 3 YEARS ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND MADE ONE THERAPIST CRY JUST BECAUSE MY BRAIN WENT SO FAR INTO THE SURVIVAL MODE EVERY TIME I INTERACTED WITH A HUMAN BEING. IM JUST FUCKING AUTISTIC AND TRAUMATISED NOT “ANXIOUS” AND “PARANOID”

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

Also I’m fucking dyslexic. But hyperlexic at the same time. I mean I’m hyperlexic in my native language, and I “remember” the spellings so I went undiagnosed

but I love technology. I want to be a CS student and then I’ll see where I can go from here. I’d love to work on an online learning platform for “gifted” children

y’know so they don’t lose their childhood but at the same time can associate learning with something nice and actually enjoyable

I think a lot of “gifted kid burnout” comes from the | dopamine <—> habit making | mechanism

so if children can learn they don’t HAVE TO be good at every subject and learn their “strengths and weaknesses” early on

Hardships later on won’t be as depressing

cause hey maybe I’m not the best at english but I know a lot about maths and I like maths and maybe when I grow older I can be a mathematician!!

you see what I mean?

at least this is what I’m trying to do for myself

generational trauma and neurodivergency running in the family made me develop some shitty coping mechanisms (example - perfectionism in order to cope with my actual time blindness and the “need” for structure while hating organisation and refusing “unreasonable” authority)

I wasn’t raised catholic, not really

nor was I raised queer lol

but my brain reacted to religion the same way people who went through religious trauma did

basically I put myself through religious trauma on accident!

fun, aye?

what I mean is, I grew up religious because that’s what “felt right”

tradition and all that

and then I realised the catholics hate me for no fucking reason

and then I thought “well fuck you too!” And called myself an atheist

later it went into agnostic

and a couple of weeks back I grew OBSESSED with religion

christian one I mean

Fuck I even started reading the nsrv bible in english (!)

and then I tried to interpret it “by myself” using some historical context and googling some stuff

WHAAAAAAAT! Turns out the bible is a product of its own time and is not to be taken literally!

That’s crazy innit?

Yeah and then I realised all of my recent hyperfixations (last two years) were a silent ways of rationalising ALL my “unreasonable” anxiety and trauma caused by; you guessed it

NOT UNDERSTANDING SYMBOLISM AND SOCIAL CUES AS IT IS

IN MY NATIVE FUCKING LANGUAGE

I can learn *any* language

I just need some books, movies, music in said language

But don’t ask me about any grammar. I don’t care about grammar. And you can’t make me. Idfk what present simple is but I can shove it so far up your ass your own mother won’t recognise you. so yeah

I’m great at learning languages cause they’re a “brainless” work for me

I mean

I learn languages for fun - it’s a tool to communicate with broader audience AND find more knowledge on the internet (I Google EVERYTHING in english)

and when someone tries to make it into an actual job of mine. This is when it goes downhill.

also english being coded as “language of knowledge” is my “main” language

my native language is way more complicated and I never really had to acknowledge my emotion in polish

I mean maybe I did but I just never wanted to cause I never learned that! English in comparison is simple. It allows me to communicate simple ideas without the need to “sound smart”

this and isolation from my peers (kids are bastards) gave me an actual “language barrier”

which isn’t the case really

it was just my overthinking

I started enjoying polish music way more recently cause I can never get the lyrics

so I listen only to what sounds “cool”

in english on the other hand the most of my music taste was built around midwestern emo and folk punk

cause I listened only to songs that felt “somewhat relatable”

yeah all of that understanding makes me want to write an essay but i kind of don’t care and I’m too lazy to do that!

so yeah this is how I “cured” my compulsions, anxiety, depression, irritability and perfectionism. By having fucking adhd and being a massive nerd. because I would hyperfixate on linux, customisation, open source applications, cybersecurity, programming

turns out I’m great at maths since I KNOW HOW to solve the problems

My brain is just too quick to do it step by step so I tend to skip and get lost in my own fuckin notebook 💀

schooling just made me believe I suck at maths and i should actually kms for trying to improve at it /hj /lh

And I suck at my own language. I know a lot of “complicated” words and can deduce what certain words mean (logically) but I have issues adapting my language to my listeners. I either cuss every other word (too comfortable; thanks mom LMFAO)

Or I speak like an university professor. To my peers. And they don’t know what the fuck is going on. And I end up isolating myself because of crippling fear of being misinterpreted. And people think I don’t have a sense of humour whatsoever because I don’t “get” jokes. But I joke a lot and am very sarcastic cause that’s just how I am. God damn it

When were y’all going to tell me not everyone thinks I want to use them and be a bastard overall when I need to ask someone for help. when. were. you.

icb I had to go to paid therapy, feed myself some subliminal messaging, deprive myself of sleep for 48 hours, force myself to talk to my dad about things I don’t understand or scare me, go manic for a week on venlafaxine, my aunt had to die and I had to have a reason not to go to school for 2 days for me to actually acknowledge my emotion instead of rationalising it.

also everyone in school + my therapist thinks I’m still manic and in need of hospitalisation. How do I even begin to explain it’s not that I have superiority complex, and I just realised I’m hella smart, just in a pretty unexpected way….. because thorough my entire life I never acknowledged it for the sake of being “humble”. bitch it’s not humble it’s the lack of self worth and being someone else’s doormat.

y’all think that if I say “house md and one tumblr post cured me” they’ll let me off the radar?

no honestly I have too much to catch up on (maths, c++, reading in POLISH, and learning German for fun) to actually care about “depressing” things of this world

I mean sure it does sound unhealthy in hindsight

but thing is

this is the first time in my life where I don’t feel hopeless both about present AND the future

and I guess that’s enough for now

I have “a goal” and that’s enough

Later I might catch a job as an actual university professor. Maths or computer science. Biology or physics maybe?

it gives me an excuse to be “eccentric” lol

cause the students are here to learn not to make fun of who I am and focus on that

sure it’s a funny anecdote to mention like “dude my physics teacher is fucking nuts but at least his lectures are interesting”

and that’s all I care about

I get to express myself instead of internalising anything

and the students get to learn

yay and yay

mutual benefit!

yeah anyway fuck I have so much shit to catch up on and I’m so lazy I actually have to reorganise my room and desk so I don’t try to do my homework in bed……. (Yes I was THAT depressed and lazy)

when I do my chores in bed I keep on losing my pens and I’m one minor inconvenience away from doing something I might not particularly want to do…….

yah

thats it I guess

If this post made anyone realise something (“connect some dots”)

congrats and I’m sorry you had to find out this way LMFAO

if not

scroll ahead, not the target audience probably

#neurodiversity #gifted kid burnout #mental health #txt #long post #personal #also you’re not “evil” but possibly have some developmental trauma. Probably. Who am I to judge. Have fun with the realisation!#hate crimes md #don’t take this too seriously #Im the last person I would take actual advice from #🦐🦐

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yellobb · 2 years

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I would be VERY interested to hear more about electric love and/or pigfarts 2: electric boogaloo 👀👀👀👀

From this

Electric Love:

Alright, this will date this WIP quite a bit, but do y'all remember that TikTok trend a while back where people would use the sound "Electric Love" by BØRNS and kiss their best friend for the first time (example compilation I found on YouTube)?

Well, imagine this: Baz and Simon have been best friends for years post-Watford, and Baz is okay with that because he'll take any bit of Simon he can get. And he's happy, because he adores spending time with Simon and being a part of his life.

Well, one day he's hanging out with Simon in their shared living room and gets up to make tea. When he comes back, he doesn't see Simon's phone, but thinks nothing of it, because why would he? When he goes to rejoin him on the couch, though, Simon kisses him, and for a moment he has everything he's ever wanted.

Except it's not real. Simon just kissed him for a stupid trend. And how in the hell is Baz supposed to come back from that; having what he's wanted for so long made a mockery of for a TikTok.

Here's an excerpt:

I loosen my grip as he pulls back a bit, eyes flitting across my face. I raise an eyebrow at him and smirk (it still gets a rise out of him). He huffs, and I can feel his breath on my lips. Then it’s no longer just his breath.

I don’t even think. I’m pure instinct, hands shooting up into his curls and shoving him closer to my face. I hold onto him as if the penalty for letting go is death. I kiss him with all that I have and all that I am. I think I might cry.

Simon tries to pull away, but I won’t let him. I’m suffocating on him. He can’t go until he’s breathed me in, consuming me completely in order to survive.

When I pull away, I’m gasping for air. I shoot Simon a feral smile as I attempt to calm my breathing.

I come untethered when I see the expression on his face. He looks apprehensive, but not in the way he looks when he’s giddy with nerves. He looks like he’s going to be sick. I feel my smile fall from my face and my eyebrows draw up in concern.

“Simon…?” I try to reach out and take his hand, but he shoots off the couch. My heart sinks into my stomach as a nervous laugh rips through Simon’s lungs. He’s sweating as he stumbles away. It’s then that I see his phone, propped up against the tellie stand, my face reflected back at me in perfect frame.

I'm literally so in love with this concept, and I love most of what I've written, but I cannot for the life of me pace the ending right (it's written, but I don't like it), so it's been in WIP purgatory since August 2021 :))))

PIGFARTS 2: Electric Boogaloo:

Now this one is a fucking monster of a project that I haven't touched since I wrote 10k words of it in December 2020.

So the idea behind this is that it's a Hogwarts AU in two parts. My sister was writing Simon, Baz, and the rest of the gang's time at Hogwarts and I was writing them as adults, hopefully to be updated in synch with each other. I won't speak on Liv's side, since I let her take the reigns on that part of the story.

Baz is a professor at Hogwarts, and it's all written from his perspective (I believe both parts would be). There's a whole fuckton of plot I came up with that I apparently never wrote down (it's still mostly in my head, don't worry ;)), but here's the summary I pitched to Liv (TW: major character thought to be dead):

Harry Potter AU where Simon and Agatha’s daughter is the chosen one, which Agatha can’t handle. She separated from Simon and became his secret keeper, but decided to let the mage in on the secret because she can’t handle that responsibility (the mage is evil so this ends up getting Simon killed). When Penny found out, she tried to kill Agatha and got sent to Azkaban. The one thing Simon didn’t want for his daughter, for her to grow up in a care home, happens because Penny was the godmother, so when Baz, the charms professor, finds out? He adopts her and raises her as his own, telling her stories of her father. When Penny escapes Azkaban, we learn that she cast a health spell on Simon when everything started going down so she would know if he was ever in danger. He’s been in danger for the past fourteen years, which means he’s alive.

I can't quite remember what kind of relationship I was going to give the Mage and Simon, but that's a later problem. Uhhhhhhh anyway here's a couple blurbs because I couldn't pick between the two:

I stop paying attention after the third student. They really should restructure this ceremony so that it’s shorter. With all the Mage’s “reforms,” I’m honestly surprised it hasn’t happened yet. The returning students just want to eat and the first years always look so mortified when they approach the hat. I let my mind wander to my lesson plans for tomorrow as I absentmindedly pick at my nails.

“Lucy Snow!”

My head jerks up so fast that I see spots. I’m sure that I’ve misheard. Surely it can’t be… But, as I watch, a thin little girl walks up to the stage with wild bronze curls, wide brown eyes, and a face-full of freckles and moles. I feel like the breath has been knocked from my lungs, and I have to grip the arms of my chair for support. His daughter.

---

The second time Lucy comes to my office, I’m more prepared. We spend the day recounting what I can remember of his and Wellbelove’s quidditch careers.

The third time, I tell her about his abhorrent eating habits.

The fourth time, we laugh about him getting sick on the train every year and puking in my aunt’s car (Fiona nearly committed homicide) while we share a plate of sour cherry scones absolutely smothered in butter.

It becomes a regular occurrence, even as the term picks up. I take a break from my relentless grading to tell her stories of her parents while we eat scones and drink tea. Honestly, it’s the best thing in my life currently. I thought it would be painful, reliving the memory of him, but it’s not as bad as I thought. I miss him terribly, but it’s nice to be thinking of him again.

Part of what's holding me back on this is Liv not being into fandom stuff right now, but most of it is a) how fucking massive it's going to be and b) how much editing I'm gonna have to do. My 10k words only get us to winter holidays of Simon's daughter's first year, and that year isn't half as plot heavy as some of the later years. On the editing side of things: I wrote everything before AWTWB and Baz's siblings are featured in it a lot right now, so I'll have to fix their names, pronouns, and characterizations, which will be a not fun time.

#m writes #m answers #wip #literally two of my favorite concepts on this list #I spent an hour making this response because I got so excited lmao #it was nice to go back through both of these #maybe I'll finish electric love tonight

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thatpunkmaximoff · 1 year

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*SPOILERS WITHIN*

Storyline: 5/5 Smut: 1/5

1.) Wow. Automatically hate Nesta. Her family is struggling and she won’t lift a finger to help?! Fuck that.

2.) and so I meet Tamlin..

3.) Her father crossed the wall?! What.. why? Why would he risk it after being warned of it for so long. I’m so confused.

4.) I had suspicious it was all a trick. How cruel.

5.) Feyre fighting the naga.. damn right you better put up a fight. And then Tamlin swooping in, in all his fury.. 👌🏼

6.) This nameless faerie who lost their wings. My heart hurts for them 😩

7.) ..and now I’m crying for a faerie whose name I didn’t even know! 😭

8.) Please let Lucien be a good guy. I quite like him.

9.) Lmfao. She thought she was being so stealthy when that puca lured her away. Little did she know, they were all watching 😂

10.) wait, what?! After all the TikTok vids I’ve seen of Rhysand, this is how he acts!? I.. I don’t know what to feel.

11.) and now Feyre done got sent home. Well damn. Tamlin got his piece of ass and sent her back to her family 😂

12.) Nesta went after Feyre. The glamour didn’t work on her and she went after her sister 🥺

13.) Did Rhysand just become smitten with Feyre because she made herself invisible to that goddamn worm? Lmao 😂

14.) Rhysand bet that Feyre would live. He wants to heal her arm in exchange for her. What the fuck is wrong with me that I’m actually considering it on her behalf 👀😂

15.) So Rhysand is helping Feyre even if he’s being a little shit about it. Okay.

16.) FUCK AMARANTHA!

The way Rhysand lost his shit and tried to help. The way Feyre uttered the answer to the riddle right before her neck was snapped. The way Tamlin lost his shit and killed Amarantha.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Okay so where do I hate Tamlin?

People hate him because he didn’t step in to help Feyre, but he couldn’t. I understand him staying back because intervening would have done nothing if his magic was still basically bound. And Rhys? Why’d you freak out and just vanish? Wtf is going on???

#a court of thorns and roses #acotar series #acotar #sarah j maas #feyre archeron #tamlin #rhysand #lucien #nesta archeron #book review #booktok review

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crimsun-n-clover · 1 year

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just sent an insta dm to someone i met through sugar to beg them to play dnd with me….

help me dude

if she gets pissed or lets it slip that i asked her to join the party i might have one angry swiftie who emotionally traumatized and abandoned me to hold back

i’ll send most of the party to hide out by my car so i can get them out once i hath defeated her, but the dragonborn stays because she bites in combat irl.

okay MAYBE she’ll join. she’s got all my nerd interests. and our party might get our own room considering how much we hate the rest of the club and we’re the sponsor’s favorites for just being dweebs who aren’t bigoted so that’ll be rad

but if this shit goes wrong???

i’m dead.

anyways

band practice went well. the new guitarist fucking SHREDDED on the song we started today so maybe he’s won me over. and he started a battle with us during practice that lasted even after in the group chat, where he beat me at my own star wars reference and our drummer caved and joined his side bc she’s into him. traitor.

last night i had a dream where i found three stray kittens and took them in, but i woke up after naming only two of them. a black one and a brown tabby, the calico went unnamed. i went to waffle house with my sister / hive mind member because i’m all tore up over sugar today for some goddamn reason and told her how i’m sad the third one didn’t get a name. the two i names were ruby and freddie, like rancid’s ruby soho and freddie mercury. when we left we saw two cats in the parking lot that looked like freddie and ruby, so i guess that’s their names now.

anyways

i don’t know why i miss her so damn much. i mean i do. i was fucking in love like the pathetic queer i am. but everything i hear about her is awful. she believes that shifting bullshit on tiktok, and had a big revelation that she told the hive mind about. she’s like woah i’m really disconnected from reality because i want to live in a universe i create on a piece of paper so i can control absolutely everything and nothing is real but it IS because i say so and it’s ruining my life and also i’m no longer vegetarian but i’m hiding it from everyone.

and according to my other best friend, she keeps crying randomly and shit. i do really think she doesn’t know how to be without me. she needs someone who can remind her that it’s okay to need things, and she dropped me in favor of standing by a bigot and now i’m not there to do it.

fucking SUCK IT.

you ruined my goddamn life and somehow i know i’d still accept you back in in a heartbeat if you really needed me. i listened to a song that i like today and just started crying. it was never about you to me, but now i don’t have a choice. everything is about you and i can’t stand it. you abandoned me. you’re a selfish motherfucker who will never have the balls to love someone who loves you back. you get icked out by people being affectionate to you. you just like playing your little game of “ooo this tension reminds me of that one book about the student who fucks her teacher. it’s like really romantic” when there are actual people involved. sorry i’m not on your game board anymore you avoidant and apologistic bastard.

#dreams

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gingeraleluke · 3 years

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𝘁𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: vinnie hacker x influencer!fem!reader

𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: you and vinnie try to keep your relationship under wraps throughout a wild game of real life among us.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: swearing, (it’s among us, so ✨murder✨) anxious reader, pure fluff

𝗔/𝗡: this was requested by @morganwilliams !! i hope i did this request justice!

THIS IS A LONG ONE!! really really hope you guys like it :)

this is based off of james charles’ among us in real life 2 video

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

whenever someone asked you about your career, you were never a hundred percent sure what to say. “i stand in front of a camera and make shitty jokes for a living” just didn’t have a nice ring to it.

you often found yourself settling on the term influencer, but it was hard to see yourself as someone who influenced people.

sure, you’d talk about things you enjoy doing and maybe sprinkle in some opinions or two, but the idea of you having the power to form someone’s day or perspective on life was draining. you never saw your content as a job, yet it was the only income of money in your life.

the bottom line was, you were grateful for living such a rare and unique lifestyle.

your boyfriend was too.

you weren’t close with a lot of content creators, but you did end up forming a bond with dixie d’amelio and her sister charli.

the three of you got along really well and would film tiktoks whenever you were together. while you already had a following, your view count skyrocketed after being featured on the sisters tiktoks. it was overwhelming, but they helped you through it.

dixie was always there for you whenever you needed a break and someone to lift your spirits, while charli was always there for you when you needed to rant or a shoulder to cry on. the two girls knew you better than most, and when they invited you to join them in a james charles video, you were extremely nervous. even more nervous when they told you that james insisted to have you join.

you wanted to say no, but after them promising you that it would be fun, you decided against it. you had never met james, despite him being close with the sisters, and you were really excited to finally meet him and whoever else would be there.

you were in a groupchat with dixie and charli, the three of you discussing the event. everyone was bringing dates, except james, meaning that there would be eleven people in total if y/n went.

dixie was bringing noah, her boyfriend who you had only talked to through facetime when he called her while you were with her. he seemed nice on the phone and you were sure you’d get along since you were close with dixie. charli told you that she was bringing larray, someone you had never met in real life either. you knew james would be there, obviously, but that was it.

you decided to reach out to james and let him know that you were nervous, but excited to meet him. the two of you chatted through dms and he informed you on who was scheduled to be there. he wanted you to bring a date too. anyone, as long as they were an influencer of some kind, and you immediately thought of your boyfriend. so you texted vinnie, who was down with the idea.

the only people you knew there were dixie, charli, and vinnie. you weren’t good with first impressions and vin knew that.

“i will be there with you the whole time! and it’s gonna be really fun, i know it.” he kisses your temple and rubbed your shoulders. he always had a way with reassuring you.

when you arrived, you were met with a grinning james. he gave you and vinnie hugs before opening the door and letting you in. he wanted the reveal to be a suprise so he lead the two of you to a guest room with suits and accessories laid out on a bed. james was already in gear, a white space suit on his body.

you and vinnie were the last ones to arrive, leaving three colors left to choose from. the rest of the crew mates were waiting in a living room.

“okay, so these are the options left, and we have little accessory thingys to choose from, so i will leave you guys here and you can pick between these and when you are done just meet me at the bottom of the stairs and i’ll introduce you to everyone. okay?” james rambled as you and vinnie looked over at the items left.

“okay, cool. sorry we were late!”

“no, no! don’t be, it’s okay!”

before walking out, he pulled you to the side. “i just wanted to say, dixie told me about you guys and i promise not to say anything about y’all’s relationship, i get it. and don’t worry if something gets caught on film, okay? i can edit it out, just have fun!” you whispered a quick thank you and he gave you another hug before closing the door, leaving you and vinnie to get changed.

“what color do you want?” you asked.

there was brown, black, and pink left.

“i call black!” you reached out and grabbed the suit, holding it up to your body.

“hey, i wanted black!”

“too bad, it’s mine.”

“fuck, i guess i’ll take pink then..”

you ripped off your shirt, leaving you in a bra before zipping up the suit. it was hot as fuck outside and you knew you’d melt if you wore something heavy underneath. you and vinnie made slight eye contact every few seconds, while jumping into your costumes.

“pink looks good on you, babe.” you giggle.

he smiles and picks up a headband with horns on it.

“ooo!” you zipped up the jacket before running over to look at the options. a gasp left your lips once you saw the fuzzy cat ears and you swiftly placed them on your head.

“lovey, look it!” you turn to vinnie with a smile on your face as you point to you cat ears.

“aww.” vinnie coos, wrapping his arms around your back.

“in all serious babe, we need to make sure we keep this under wraps.” you state.

“keep what?”

“us.”

“oh..” his mouth lowers into a slight frown as he plays with your hair. “yeah, i know.”

“we don’t want to start any drama and i don’t want either of us to get hate, so just… i don’t know- keep your distance today.”

“oh.. okay. i see how it is.” he crosses his arms, a charming expression resting on his face.

“no- not like a big distance! just ya know… try and look platonic.” he simply nods at your words before you both walk down the stairs to meet james.

“ahh!! you look so good, oh my god!” he gushes before leading you two to meet the rest. as you step through the house, voices louder and louder. you were already overwhelmed by the amount of people you could here. you turned a corner and was met with eight people, all sitting around a couch, chatting. lights were set all around them, illuminating the bright colors they wore.

you gulped and felt vinnies hand interlock with yours. he lightly squeezed before letting go, his way of letting you know that he was there.

i hope no one saw that.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

after meeting everyone, we all settled down and stood around a table, a black backdrop behind us. you tried to keep some space between you and vinnie and decided not to stand next to him, but to stand next to james and dixie instead. charli stood behind you while vinnie stood behind james. you turned your head to the right and was met with vinnie who was already looking at the back of your head. he was still close by, but far enough to go unnoticed. he smiled at you and you smiled back, before quickly turning around as james started his introduction.

you were too nervous to comprehend fully what he was saying, but snapped out of it once it was time to introduce yourself.

“quen, purple.”

“nas, cyan.”

“dixie, blue!”

“charli, green.”

“y/n, black!”

“james, white.”

“nai, orange.”

“vinnie, pink!”

“larray, red.”

“chase, lime.”

“noah, yellow.”

we cheered before gathering to the table. you and charli both picked the cat ears and gushed over how you guys matched. you tried to act natural, but you’ve never been in such a foreign setting and the fact that you had to keep your relationship with vinnie a secret, didn’t help. the only people who knew you two were dating was charli, dixie, noah and james. everyone else had no idea.

you stayed with charli, chase on the other side of you as you guys waited to get your cards. vinnie was talking to charli about something, so you decided to be brave and spark a conversation with chase.

“so.. was like your first choice?” he looked over at you, a phone in his hand ready to film.

“huh? oh, no, not really.. i didn’t mind though.” you just nodded.

awkward.

“hey, you and charli match!” he smiled, pointing at your headband with cat ears on it.

“oh, yeah!”

“that’s so cute!” he giggled, looking down at his feet. he shifted forwards in the line.

“yeah.. what do you have?” you reached out to grab whatever was on his head.

“oh, it’s a leaf.” he bent his head down so his hair was on full display, showcasing the headpeice.

“how cute!” vinnie couldn’t help but overhear the conversation. he knew chase was single and that you were his type on paper. he wouldn’t have to worry about him hitting on you, if he knew y’all were dating, but he didn’t.

you nodded, looking down at the table in front of you. you found yourself wanting to continue the conversation with him.

“so, did you- where you in the last one?” he looked into her eyes, “the last james among us video, i mean.” you chuckle awkwardly.

“oh! yeah, no i wasn’t. this is my first time.” you both made eye contact before making your way to the other side of the table and grabbed your cards. you looked up to see vinnie across from you. you gave him a small smile and he looked at you with a straight face. for a quick second, you were sure he was upset with you, but then he sent a sly wink your way, causing you to suppress a chuckle.

charli placed her hand on your shoulder. “you’re gonna be alright, right?”

“yeah! yeah, i think i’ll be okay..” you nodded.

“okay, i’m gonna be here if you need me, just come and find me okay? if you get overwhelmed, let me know and we can talk to james about it.”

“thank you, charli.” you hugged her and she kissed your head.

“now go have fun!” charli made her way outside.

ROUND ONE

you held your camera before walking towards the back of the house where the asteroids were. you opened your card and showed it to the camera.

CREWMATE

“im innocent, y’all!” you exclaimed before looking over your tasks.

1: fix the wires

2: bell grab

3: ball toss

4: puzzle

seems easy enough

“alright, y’all! i don’t know… where the fuck i am.” i walked out of the room and made my way into a hallway. i didn’t notice chase walking behind me until he spoke up.

“where you off to?”

“JESUS! oh my god, you scared the fuck outta me!” you playfully hit his arm before turning around and continuing your way through the house. “i don’t know, honestly. i have to fix the wires though..”

“oh, cool.” he nodded, his camera recording him and the girl walking.

noah started to approach them. “oh hey.”

“oh hey!” chase said.

“hey huddy.”

“hi noah..” you smiled and reached your hand out. noah high fives it before saying a small “hey y/n..” and walking by you and chase. you found the room with the wires and you and chase went your separate ways.

when you entered the room, you were met with a bright pink jumpsuit.

“hey, pretty girl.” he smirked. they were alone, the red light illuminated their faces.

“you are so lucky im holding the camera…”

“what?” he shot her a puzzled look, causing her to stare.

“oh…”

“yeah, ‘oh.’ vinnie, you need to be careful…”

“i know, i know… im sorry. from now on, we barely know eachother.” he placed his hand on his chest and you shot him an uncertain face before nodding and fixing the wires. you both kept your cameras out, making sure to edit this conversation out later.

all of a sudden, a body was reported.

“oh, shit..” vinnie stated. you both looked at eachother in suprise. “someone’s dead!” you walked quickly to the main room. “already??” you asked your camera.

when the couple entered the room, larray walked by and started talking to james who was playing dead on the floor.

“james is dead, you can’t talk to him.” vinnie stated.

“couldnt care less!” larray replied, causing y/n to laugh.

the group started conversing and chase admitted to finding the body.

“okay, you were at the puzzle.. y/n, where were you?”nas asked.

“i was fixing the wires with vinnie.”

stay cool, y/n. stay cool.

“where were you, nas?” you asked.

“i was outside by the vent thing.”

“BY THE VENT THING?!” charli yelled. you immediately started cracking up and grabbed charlis arm to keep yourself steady.

“WHY WERE YOU BY THE VENT?!” you two were cracking up and everyone else started yelling at nas.

“he came up to me, and was trying to kill me!” larray shouted over the noise.

while nas shared his defense, nai cut everyone off.

“should we skip!? should we skip? we have thirty seconds, should we skip or are we voting?” larray stood next to her, nodding his head as everyone decided to skip.

“okay guys…” y/n spoke into the lens, “i have to try not to die, because clearly, there is a murderer on the loose.”

you turned around at the sound of your name being called. charli waddled up behind you in her green suit.

“hey!”

“hi, i’m scared and don’t want to be alone.” she explained looking into her camera, causing you to laugh.

“no, because same! what task do you have?”

charli pulled out her card and you scanned it.

“i have the bell grab too! i think it’s over here.” you pointed as charli followed behind you.

“hi, charli!” noah greeted, walking by you two. you both said hello before finding the bell grab station.

“oo! okay, so i have to jump and try and grab the bell.”

charli went first, starting off in small bounces on the trampoline.

“you’ve got this!”

her hair blew in her face as she laughed breathlessly, reaching her arm out to hit the bell. she kept jumping until you heard a light ring.

“i did it!” she jumped off and wrapped her arms around you, causing you to almost drop your camera. “that was harder, than i thought it’d be!” she was out of breath as she watched you step on the trampoline.

you hit the bell in the first try, charli’s mouth agape. “no way!”

“i can’t believe i did that!” you angled your camera to show the two of you in shock.

charli moved into the house, while you walked to the other side of the backyard to the ball toss.

an emergency meeting was called before you could get there. you and noah entered the meeting last, you both stood to the side of the table. you looked up at your boyfriend who was trying his best to stay cool despite how cute you looked with your hair all messed up from jumping and your cat ears.

“what happened?” vinnie shrugged.

“you called this shit?” quen asked looking at charli.

charli explained that quen reached for her knife while they were alone doing asteroids. the group was now trying to figure out who was lying as the two girls yelled at eachother. dixie walked up to noah, now standing next to you. “do you think charli is lying?”

“i can’t tell..” you said, before slamming your hand on the table. “WAIT! guys, listen.” people continued to talk over you, making vinnie scream ‘shut up’ at the top of his lungs. everyone’s eyes were on vinnie.

“y/n has something to say.”

“thank you! okay, so i almost forgot, me and charli did the bell grab together, and she never tried to kill me, so i don’t think it’s her..”

“right, but you two are close, right? so she wouldn’t kill you.” nas explained.

before you could answer, quen added, “yeah, how do we know you aren’t the imposter? it’s probably you and charli!”

it was time to vote and it was a tie, meaning no one got ejected.

“okay, bitches.” you were out of breath from walking around the house, but you had to make your way to the basketball court. “i still have to do the stinkin ball toss…” your sneakers hitting the ground and the conversations from afar was the only thing you could hear. “so… i see nothing but trees and tiktokers… life is crazy!” you held the camera up and made a fuckboy face before doing the ball toss and making your way back to the house.

“hey guys!” you smiled as larray and nai walked by you, heading towards the station.

“hey, y/n! don’t mind me, just chilling with my bestie!” larray responded.

you looked at your camera with wide eyes before mouthing ‘sus’.

a few minutes later, while you were working on a task, an alarm ran off and it was declared that the round was over and that the imposters won. quen and larray admitted to being the imposters.

“no way!! did you kill nai when i went by you guys?”

“yes, i killed her. i was like ‘oh, fuck, y/n is gonna see us’ so i waited for you to leave!” you all erupted in laughter before being handed your second card.

ROUND TWO

“let’s see….” you opened the note with your fate on it and sighed contently. “thank god, i don’t want to be imposter!”

CREWMATE

1: who’s the imposter challenge

2: ball toss

3: shooting asteroids

charli walked by you as you headed towards the first station. you both said hi before she claimed to be going to security upstairs. you filmed her walking up the stairs before moving the camera back to your face. “not sure if i trust that, but okay.”

you stayed in a fairly large group of people when the alarm went off. charli reported james dead body.

“poor james! he’s died first every time.” you frown at your camera. vinnie walked up behind you and instinctively put his hands on your waist before quickly removing them.

dumbass.

dixie had to leave, so mario replaced her and next to nas. vinnie tried his best to nonchalantly stand beside you.

“i’m skipping..” vinnie mutters, scratching his neck.

“me too.” you nod your head as the majority vote was revealed. most people skipped, meaning no one was ejected.

“hey, boo!” you spotted lil nas dribbling a basketball infront of his tripod.

“hey!” he greeted and gave you a hug. the two of you hit it off before the game started. you both did the ball toss together, his hands on his camera with yours laced in your hair.

“ugh, look at us!”

the light hit the two of you in a way that made you look godly. you both had your arms extended and filmed the lighting on your faces.

“love that!”

“yes… oh my god i would do me. i would do us, honestly.” you both laughed when the alarm went off.

“okay, girl, you can back me up here! i swear, i think it’s quen, because she was looking at me weird as fuck dude..”

“oh my god, make sure you say something during the meeting!”

“i will.” you both walked into the room to see everyone yelling. vinnie stood in the corner, his face soft like a lost puppy. she could tell he was confused.

the group voted out quen who turned out to be innocent and continued their tasks. you spent the next round doing asteroids and were alone the whole time when another meeting was called. nai and charli were exposed as imposters.

“okay, i don’t know what the fuck happened.” you felt someone lightly tap your side and turned to see your boyfriend.

“i have no fucking clue, i was banging my head on the bell.” you bursted out laughing and he shushed you while the group commerced.

“i got that on camera!”

what a weirdo. i love him so much.

ROUND THREE

“god, if you love me, please don’t give me imposter that is just too much work..” you placed your hands on your knees and took a deep breath before opening the card.

CREWMATE

you smirked at the camera and pointed. “i’m a finesser, i swear…”

1: puzzle

2: fixing wires

3: shoveling snowballs

“time to go do the puzzle!” you singsonged before you felt something round knock you in the back. vinnie stood there with a finger to his lips.

“what are you doing? is that a snowball?”

“yeah, i took it from the station, don’t tell james.”

“what do you want?” you giggled. the two of you were alone without any cameras.

“you just look really cute with your cat ears and i wanted a kiss..”

“oh, my god no!”

“what?”

“you are gonna try and kill me!” you shouted. “no i won’t!” you knew you would regret this if he killed you, but a kiss is a kiss.

“vin, i swear to god, if you kill me-“

“i won’t.” he pressed his lips to yours and you quickly wrapped your legs around him, your fingers pulling lightly on his locks. you broke away from the steamy kiss and picked your camera back up.

“pleasure doing business with ya..” you shook his hand, when an alarm went off.

james and nas found mario’s body and the group interrogated the two. charli handed you a bag of m&ms. “you doing okay?” you smiled and nodded.

what a sweetheart.

they skipped and continued completing their tasks. you popped an m&m into your mouth and began to talk to your camera. “i honestly am so proud of myself for not dying! like, damn… i did that.”

after completing the puzzle, noah’s body was discovered by nai. “okay, it’s definitely y/n and vinnie!” james yelled, everyone’s eyes were on the couple.

“what?! no, why me?”

“no, okay, it’s definitely james. there’s no way- james has died first every round and now that he’s imposter, he’s not dead and goes upstairs with noah, leaves and noah’s dead? that’s not a coincidence, and it’s not nai because i doubt she got it twice in a row, come on.” james started to call vinnie a liar.

“what- why- why, do you think its y/n?” vinnie asked.

“sister y/n was following me at the start of the round!”

james what the fuck.

“UMM I DID NOT!”

the group ended up with 4 votes for james, 1 vote for quen, 1 vote for vinnie, and 1 vote for nas.

“it’s definitely vinnie, his girlfriend is just backing him up, i swear.” nas mutters.

did he just call me his girlfriend?

fuck… they are onto us

future james, please don’t use that footage.

“i’m fixing my wires! fixing my wires!” you sang, the tripod standing before you. “fixing these motherfucking wires- okay i’m done.” you walked downstairs and heard a meeting called.

nai was found dead and chase and vinnie were accusing nas and larray.

“i know it’s not me!”

“okay, it’s y/n!”

“what? i just said it’s not me nas, what the fuck!”

the group tied between chase and nas.

“guys this is so fucking stupid! stop tying..” you groaned and heard vinnie shout ‘i agree’ before making your way to the christmas tree to shovel the snowballs.

vinnie walked up behind you and started shoveling with you.

“are you going to kill me?”

“what? no, y/n.. i don’t even have this task.” he giggled, his face turning a crimson shade.

“why are you here than?” smiling up at him but keeping your distance, you felt your knees start to weaken at his smile.

“i just wanted to make sure you aren’t dead.”

as if on cue, an alarm was rung and everyone voted for larray, making nas and james win.

“imposters win!” james squealed.

nas walked up to you and gave you a hug. “bestie, what happened?!”

“sorry, i had to keep them off of me, i was starting to look sus!” everyone started making small talk and you decided to ask him what was on your mind.

“so, who told you about me and vinnie? was it james?”

“what? no, i could just tell. i get that it might be difficult, but you guys are really cute together- honestly.”

he walked away before you could answer and you could feel a smile work it’s way onto your face.

everyone got together to film the outro, y/n standing next to vinnie. while james was talking, she took a deep breath and grabbed the sides of vinnies face, pulling him in for a kiss. nai turned and saw, putting her hand over her mouth in shock. no one else noticed since they were in the back row. when she pulled away he smiled at her, before they regained their composure.

after the cameras turned off, y/n walked up to james who was eating m&ms.

“hey, you are gonna see something in the background of your outro..” james nodded.

“leave it in.”

@radioblah-blah

#vinnie hacker x reader #vinnie hacker #vinnie hacker imagines #tiktok #tiktokers #tiktok imagines #youtube #youtuber imagines

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 years

Text

Looking for a Place to Happen

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity.

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: We’re starting Sam’s installment but this weekend I’ll probably only be catching up on my headcanons and drabbles because I’ve been a lazy bitch and I’m sorry to those who have been waiting.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 1: I've got a job, I explore

💀💀💀

The sleepy town of Birch was awake.

In those last weeks, the arrival of outsiders had roused the attention of many once passive residents of the timeless territory. Those brick buildings unchanged by the tick of the clock inlaid into the old tower above the library that chimed every hour on the hour. They still stood with only chips in the mortar but the air tasted different. The frost was more bitter and the sky more grim. An omen of something no one could predict.

It was the perfect setting for a screenplay. The isolated town with its unsavoury secrets and the visitors who threatened to bring them to the surface. It was inspiring to you, to imagine what was hidden behind the stern wrinkled faces of the town elders and under the jackets of those men who wore the cut of the local club. The bikers ruled the town covertly but everyone knew that Bucky Barnes’ palm was lined with the map of Birch.

As a bystander, an unnoticed observer, just another ant in the hill, you watched from the side and amused yourself with the drama of others. It was like a soap opera or another HBO hype machine. Those things you aspired to when you could be free of this ho-hum town.

The snows added to the natural gloom of the place. The deep heaps smothered the noise and harkened back to those days of colonial settlement. Forgotten, desolate, fearful.

You ventured down in your heavy boots that stretched to your knees and pushed your chin down into your scarf. As a child, you ran and jumped in those piles, now you were out of breath just trying to walk past them.

You stopped in the bakery that doubled as the only café, a place where the owner, Babs, tried to to intimidate the last caffeinated trends. She was always a few seasons behind but you didn’t mind so much.

You ordered the salted caramel mocha and waited patiently as the quiet woman fought with the steaming machines. She was older than you but you’d work with her for one summer during high school, only five years ago. She had the eyes of a child still, but there was something worn in her. As if she’d been exposed to far too much in her three or so decades in that place. She was a harbinger of what you didn’t want to become.

You thanked her for your drink and set out once more into the billowing winds. Birch winters were never kind but this one was crueler than most. Your teeth chattered as you blew the steam away from the lid and hugged it with your mittened hands.

You stopped short as you heard the familiar ding of the diner door across the street. You recognised the mechanic who kept to herself and once growled at you in the grocery store. She stormed across the street, followed closely and quickly by a black-haired man you’d only seen once before. He was one of those outsiders who came to deal with the club men.

You sped up as you sensed chaos brewing and pulled out your phone as you balanced your paper cup in your other hand. You flicked your camera on just as you got to the front of the shop and the man grabbed the mechanic. You let out an ‘oop’ as she turned on him and you aimed the lens at the couple as they fell into the snow, the man’s shoes giving little traction to his steps.

You moved closer, stunned by the scene, and kept your cell phone rolling as you found a better angle around the snowy walks. As she choked him on the ground he elbowed her and she coughed as she rolled away. She snarled as he clamoured to his feet, slipping and sliding as he marched away.

You killed the recording and watched the man cross the street again, nearly wiping out as he did and when you looked back to the mechanic, she was gone behind the clattering door. You chuckled to yourself and tucked away your cell. It was prime footage for TikTok; with a bit of editing, it would be comedy gold.

💀

You stomped up the steps of your grandmother’s house, this time through the front door as you heard her chair rocking in the front room. You usually took the stairs in the back as you paid her to live on the upper floor of the duplex. You checked in with her daily, she didn’t get out much more than the occasional trip to the grocery store when you couldn’t or you dragged her out to join you for a tea at Babs’.

“You’re late,” she grumbled as you set your cup down and unzipped your coat.

“For what?” you scoffed.

“It’s after noon and you don’t even come down to say hello? A ‘good morning, nan’,” she harrumphed.

You chuckled and hung your coat before shoving your boots over on the mat. You grabbed your mocha and leaned on the doorway as you watched her crocheting in her chair, reruns of some court show playing from the boxy television.

“I was working,” you said, “sent in some stuff for review. Hopefully not much work to be done.”

“I don’t know how you make money on that interweb,” she bemoaned, “I don’t trust it.”

“Maybe you’d trust it more if you used the Netflix subscription I got you,” you crossed your arms, “then you wouldn’t have to watch trash daytime TV.”

She shrugged and muttered under her breath. She could be crotchety but you liked her sense of humour. Your aunts and uncles never came around because they just took it as spite. You were the only one who knew how to handle the jaded old lady.

“Maybe you coulda looked out the window,” you snickered, “quite a show going on in town.”

“Hmm, what’s that?” she stilled her needles and reached for her tea stained cup.

“Just a fight. You wouldn’t believe it, that lady mechanic beat the shit--”

“Language,” she huffed.

“Anyway, she had this guy in a chokehold. It was awesome.”

“What guy?” she squinted at you over her glasses.

“I dunno. Some out of towner. Remember I told you about that burly dude hanging around the library?”

“There’s more?” she sucked on her teeth, “those bikers have never been good news and now they’re bringing in more.”

“Yeah, well, what’re you gonna do?” you sniffed as you took out your phone and rewatched the scuffle with the volume down. You shook your head and opened up your TikTok.

“I don’t understand why you’re always on your dang phone,” your grandmother pestered.

“I’m not always on my phone,” you smiled at her smugly, “there are those time when I’m listening to you prattle on or you know, making you tea, oh, and cooking you dinner. What was it I did last week? Oh that’s right, I got Pippin out of the crawlspace.”

“I’m too old to be chasin’ that cat all around,” she huffed, “where is he anyway?”

“He’s your cat, I don’t know? Last time I saw him, I sent him back out the window for shredding my charger.”

“He knows you need to give it a rest,” she laughed to herself, “got your nose to that screen too much.”

“And what do you do, old lady? Crocheting doilies to put where exactly?”

She gave you that dry smile, the one that said watch it but carried a hint of humour still. You hit post and put your phone away as you waved off her irritation.

“Well, you know what, I sit all day at my computer, doing who knows what and you know what it got me?” you taunted, “a large mocha!” you sipped as you sat on the sofa and grabbed the remote, “and it’s paying my rent and putting bullet points on my resume.”

“Mhmm,” she scowled, “just remember, real life ain’t online. Those videos you’re always laughing at like hyena, that’s not reality. You forget it and it’ll come back and bit you. ‘Specially with those bikers.”

“Oh, nan, you know too well, don’t you? Didn’t you have a fling with one back in your hippie phase?”

“Two, actually,” she raised her brows, “I was young and stupid. Not like you, but still.”

“I love you too,” you chirped and sipped from your cup, flicking the station to Jerry Springer, “that’s more like it.”

💀

Your usual TikToks were sarcastic and dull complaints about your small town life. The response was less than pleasing but it gave you an outlet to vent. You liked to goof around and document the very specific type of weirdos that resided in Birch. But the video of the fight in the snow blew up your phone and made it difficult to ignore the buzzing as you went back up to your room to eke out the last of your captions for the ad agency.

When at last you could call your day hard-earned, you logged off and sent in your hours to the agency. Social media promotion was easy enough but the working gigs for a thousand different companies was tedious. You hoped you could build your portfolio enough to manage a single corporate page as you continued to chip away at your creative outlets.

You picked up your phone as you waited for Netflix to load on your tiny smart tv and flopped onto your bed, not two feet from your desk. You hit the icon in the upper panel of your phone and scrolled through the notifications, pausing to turn on another episode of the cable sitcom from ten years before. You snorted as you read each comment but the number under the video made your eyes round. The thing was bound to go viral.

As usual, you went down to help with supper. Pippin, the orange tabby, returned to cry at his dish and you fed him too. Your nan peered through her glasses at a crossword as she tasted the tangy pasta sauce.

“More basil,” she snipped.

“Well, I asked if you wanted to help,” you muttered, “I think it’s good.”

“Hmmp, I need milk,” she jutted her chin out, “for my after-dinner tea.”

“You couldn’t say something like three hours ago?” you blinked.

“I could have but I didn’t,” she snickered. You rolled your eyes and she took another forkful of penne and filled in another line on her puzzle, “ah, no hurry, girlie, you know I’m patient.”

“Patient? You?” you chuckled as you took your plate and shoved it in the microwave to keep it warm. The ancient thing had a dial and the door stuck, “I’ll just go get it over with.”

“Don’t forget your mitts,” she called after you as you tramped into the front room, “it’s cold.”

You pulled on your knitted cap and matching mitts. You zipped up your parka and shoved your feet into the deep boots. You grabbed your wallet and buried it in the spacious pocket. You bounced out the front door and down the steps as the sky sent down another coat of powder for the night.

You went up White Forge Street and through the short path behind the diner that led to the main road. You glanced over at The Asp, the beacon of the dull town, and turned towards the grocer. Like anywhere in Birch, the store was outdated and stuffy. It felt like stepping into another time with the paper bags and chunky tills.

You went down the center aisle and stopped at the fridge to search through the frosted glass. Your nan only drank whole milk and the last time you carelessly grabbed skim, she whined that even Pippin wouldn’t drink it. She was particular but that was just her nature. You couldn’t say you were any less fussy in some instances.

You grabbed a jug and the door slapped closed against the worn rubber seal. You headed up the candy aisle and brushed your woolly thumb over your chin as you considered gummy bears or Reeses’ Pieces.

“Hard choice?” The deep voice jolted you.

You snatched the box of chocolate and looked over at the man in leather, his chin tucked down behind the collar as snow dusted his shoulders.

“Sure,” you said as you brushed past him.

The cut of the leather told you he was better not entertained. While you thought the men amusing, you weren’t stupid enough to engage with them. You rarely listened to your grandmother but she was wise in her own way.

You knew a girl in highschool, she was fucking around with one of the club men in her junior year, she ended up with a baby and no support. You didn’t think he was into you that way but he could hardly have innocent intentions.

“How’s the old lady?” Clayton asked as he rung in your order at the end of the belt, you moved along with the groceries and pulled out your wallet.

“The usual, you know? She’s tryna quit again. Don’t know how long it’ll last.”

“Oh yeah? I’ll keep a carton aside for her,” he kidded as you felt your phone vibing in your back pocket.

“Don’t encourage her,” you swiped your card and punched in your pin, “although I don’t know what’s worse; the smoke or her sucking on those mints all the time.”

“Oh, it’s not the bitchin’?” he laughed.

“That, too,” you scooped up the paper bag and put your wallet away, “have a good one.”

As you came to the end of the first counter, you were nearly cut off by the club member as he swept around from till two. His own purchase of a car magazine and jerky was tucked under his arm.

“Ah, sorry,” he smiled, a sparkling smile, almost charming.

“No worries,” you continued on and he followed close behind.

“Those mitts look real warm. ‘Specially in this weather,” he said as you pushed open the door.

“Uh huh,” you kept on as your boots crunched out into the snow.

“You know where I can get a pair. Leather isn’t exactly thermal, you know?”

“These? My nan made ‘em. I’m sure Clayton got some hung up back there,” you looked across the street as you stepped up onto the ledge of snow between the sidewalk and the road.

“Am I bothering you?” he asked.

You looked at him dumbly and almost laughed in his face. You glanced back across the street then down towards The Asp.

“Sorta,” you answered.

“Make you a deal. Leave ya alone for your name.”

You eyed him. He was older than you like many of the Commandos. At least a decade, likely more than that. You chewed on your hesitation and cradled the bag more firmly against your side. His eyes strayed as he tried to see through the thick layer of your coat.

“Nah, I’m not s’posed to talk to strangers,” you said and hopped off onto the road.

You heard him behind you as he struggled to follow and as you came up to the other side, he came parallel with you and kept stride with you easily.

“I know you’re young but you’re not a kid,” he intoned, “what’s the harm in a name?”

“It’s a small town,” you stopped short of the end of White Forge, “I think I know enough about you to avoid you.”

“Oh ho, is that it? Well, I’m Sam, I’m not a stranger now, am I?”

“Not interested, Sam. Sure there’s women your own age over at the bar,” you nodded behind him.

“You wanna come see? Maybe have a drink?” he gave a crooked grin.

“You don’t give up, do you?” you shook your head, put off by his forwardness.

“Well?”

“Not tonight, Sam,” you turned around and headed down White Forge.

“Then what night?” he asked but you didn’t answer and he didn’t follow.

You turned down onto your street and refused to look back in case. It would be best not to mention the run-in to your nan, she was paranoid enough as it was. Besides, you’d forget about it by the end of next week.

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fanficimagery · 4 years

Text

Five Years After

Imagine going to the feed store for your sister, only you come home with more than just feed for the animals.

Words: 5.1K Author’s Note: The ending of this imagine was definitely inspired by a TikTok video :)

When the Blip happened, you were in complete disbelief. Chaos erupted all around as planes fell from the sky and automobiles crashed because their drivers had vanished into thin air. Everyone was a complete mess as they attempted to call loved ones, their calls going straight to voicemail or being answered by another family member that were having to deliver the bad news of a disappearance.

Your only living relative was your sister Laura and her children she had with her husband Clint, so when one of your co-workers and a handful of your customers vanished into thin air, your first call had been to your ex-Avenger of a brother-in-law. Unfortunately Clint was just as clueless as you and the phone had nearly slipped from your hand when he gave you the news that Laura and the kids had vanished. You had nowhere to go and were so scared because of the looting that had started, so Clint told you to pack your things and get to the farm as soon as possible.

You'd only been on the farm for a full day before Clint's friends came looking for him. Natasha, who you had met after your sister had married Clint, greeted you with a rather solemn hug. It was Steve Rogers, however, who attempted to introduce himself with as much joy as he possibly could in order to be polite.

You had shaken his hand, smiling sadly. "You don't need to force a smile for me, Rogers. The circumstances suck. I get it."

That had surprisingly pulled a short laugh from Natasha. "See, Steve? Told you she wouldn't be expecting the Man with a Plan."

Steve and Natasha had proceeded to stay for the duration of the day, telling Clint all about a fight that had taken place in Wakanda and who out of their friends had vanished. It was a devastating blow and you had no idea how everyone was going to cope. Then soon after the two Avengers had left, Clint went into overdrive. He was making phone calls left and right, packing bags and weapons, and you were at a complete loss.

You had decided to leave him be and it was only the following morning when you woke to an empty house did you find the letter on the kitchen counter. In the letter he had apologized for leaving you after everything that had happened, but went on to explain that there were criminals still out there who had survived the Blip when others who were sin-free didn't. He couldn't leave them be while people like his wife and children were no longer alive, so to work through his aggression he was going to hunt those criminals down. Fortunately enough, he left you in possession of the farm-house and made it so you were able to access his bank accounts. He told you not to look for him or get the others involved, so you waited a whole day before contacting Natasha and telling her all about Clint's derailment.

Clint left no trail, leaving you all alone. Or so you thought.

With Clint's vanishing act, Natasha and Steve made you their responsibility. They made sure you knew they were only a call or email away, but only after Nat drove down to give you some technological devices since the regular power grid was fluctuating. Since Earth lost half its population, everything seemed to be falling apart.

Then Tony Stark was brought back home and the world seemed a little bit brighter.

For years you drifted, working at a grocery store in town to keep yourself busy. The Blip took a toll on everyone, but it was nice to have to talk to someone even if the other person moved on autopilot. Clint sent an email every other month from a burner email, so it was a dead end every time Natasha looked into it after you had forwarded it to her. And about the only news-worthy thing that had happened after the Blip was the announcement of Tony and Pepper Stark's baby girl Morgan. You didn't know the Stark's personally, but it didn't stop you from sending their little girl a present every year on her birthday for the next five years on behalf of yourself and the Barton family.

One morning you're sitting at the breakfast table when you hear the telltale sounds of a jet overheard. You figure it's just Natasha and Steve for their monthly check-in so you think nothing of it.

The screen door creaks open and you call out, "In the kitchen!"

The steps of what sounds like more than one person falter, but then they pick back up until they near your location. "Got enough for another plate?" That oh so familiar timber makes you spew orange juice across the table. You're up and out of your seat, staring at your brother-in-law who's a lot more tatted up than you remember him being. "Hey, sis."

Tony Stark stands just a couple feet to Clint's right, but his presence isn't enough to deter you from marching up to your brother-in-law and punching his shoulder. "You asshole!" You punch him again for good measure as tears sting your eyes. "You left me. You left me all alone! How could you-"

He dodges your continuous blows, wrapping his arms around you to keep you from attacking him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I'm here now. It's all going to be okay." The fight instantly drains out of you as you sag into his embrace, sob after sob leaving you as you clutch to him tightly.

Clint tightens his grip a little more around you until your cries turn into sniffles. "What- what are you doing here?"

"Lang came up with a plan to bring our people back." You tense in Clint's arms and pull back to look him in the eyes. "Banner and Stark made the machines necessary to make the plan work. We're going to bring 'em home. We're going to bring 'em all home, Y/N."

"Please tell me you aren't joking," you mumble.

"Nope. No joke," Tony says. "It's not a total guarantee, but we're going to try our best." You let go of Clint and turn to look at Tony who's standing by the stove and picking at the leftover scrambled eggs. "Mmm. These are good. What'd you put in them?"

"Uhh, just butter and cheese."

"Morgan would absolutely love these. She's on this whole cheese kick right now."

That earns a chuckle, and after gathering yourself you look back at Clint. "So what's going to happen now?"

"The team's getting ready for a test run," Clint says. "I just wanted to let you know I was home and that we had a really important mission coming up."

"How soon?"

"Today if the test run goes good," Tony says. He pours himself half a glass of juice before downing it in one go. "And speaking of, we need to go."

You look at Clint, a little let down that he's leaving so soon, but he grins and pulls you back into a hug. "It's going to be okay." You nod against him and he lets his arms drop before he steps back. He looks around the kitchen and his grin widens. "You've kept up good with the house. I'm impressed."

"I should hope so," you mumble. "I had to flirt with the hardware store boy so he'd help me keep the house from falling apart."

Clint laughs. "You did good, Y/N. Laura will be proud."

"Yeah, yeah. Now go bring my sister, niece, and nephews back."

"You got it, boss."

- - - - - - - - - -

You're grateful for the day off because it leaves you with time to clean the house from top to bottom. You need some way to burn off all your anxiousness and making sure the house looks good for your sister is one hell of a way to do just that.

You're not sure how long you'd been cleaning when you decide to take a break, and you head outside for some fresh air. You walk off the porch and onto the grass, tilting your face skyward as you inhale and exhale softly, your eyes closing. One moment all you can hear is the wind ruffling tree limbs and grass, and the next it's a cacophony of chirping birds.

Your eyes fly open and you're shocked to see the swarms of birds flying around in the sky. Sure there have been birds around after the Blip, but you've never seen so many together since then. You're too busy staring up into the sky that you don't see what appears to be ash take formation behind you.

"Aunt Y/N?" The timid voice makes your heart stop before you whirl around, your eyes widening at the sight of Lila glancing around in shock. "What's going on? Where's dad?"

"Lila?" You breathe out in awe. You stumble towards her, eyes glistening with tears. "They did it. They actually did it." You pull her into a hug, cries stuttering in your chest. As you hug her, you glance towards the open field where you see Laura appear, followed by Nathaniel and then Cooper. "Laura!"

You grip Lila's hand tight as the both of you break out into a run towards the rest of your family, you and Laura colliding with twin oomphs. The two of you are crying as Laura tries to work out what the hell happened and where Clint is, but before you can explain anything she's pulling her phone out of her pocket and dialing Clint's number. As she worries about getting her husband on the phone, you quickly hug Cooper and pick up Nathaniel to hold on your hip as you squeeze him in relief.

"Clint?" Laura sobs when he finally answers. "Clint, what's going on? I-" She stops talking all of a sudden and she looks at you, eyes wide.

"What happened?" You ask.

"I- I don't know. One second he was talking and then-" She cuts off, glancing at her children and shaking her head. "He just cut out."

You know all is not fine and that something terrible must have happened for Laura to trail off the way she did. But instead of worrying her kids, you offer a grin. "I'm sure it's fine. As clumsy as he is, he probably just dropped his phone." She forces a smile for her kids' benefit. "So why don't we go ahead and wait for him inside. I'll make something to eat while you guys relax and I'll catch you up on the five years you missed."

"Five years!?" Laura nearly shouts.

You wince. "Yeah. You guys missed a lot."

- - - - - - - - - -

For the next couple of hours you tell Laura all about the Blip and how half of Earth's population just disappeared- Avengers included. You tell her how Clint had you move in, and how you helped take care of the house and what few animals they had on the farm still while working at the local grocery store. You tell her all about Steve and Natasha, and how Tony Stark is now married with a daughter of his own.

"Wow." Laura chuckles. All the kids have fallen asleep around the living room, leaving Laura the time to finally ask, "And where was Clint this entire time? I noticed he brought you onto the farm, but then everything became about Steve and Nat."

You suck in a breath sharply. "I was hoping you wouldn't notice that."

"Y/N.."

"He went rogue." Her eyes widen and you wince. "He left me here with access to your bank account, which I only used to pay bills and buy groceries by the way, and not even Natasha could find him. He only came back when she tracked him down and told him there was a chance they could reverse the Blip."

"Oh Clint.." She sighs, shaking her head in disappointment.

The sound of a quinjet hovering makes you and Laura perk up, but you keep quiet so as to not wake the children. You and Laura meet each other's gazes before you carefully get up and tiptoe out of the living room, and then you're rushing out the front door and down onto the lawn.

The door drops down and then Laura is sprinting across the field to reach her husband. You joyously laugh, jogging over to catch up. But as Laura and Clint hug one another, sobbing, you turn your sights to Steve who's standing sheepishly off to the side. There are two others with him, but since you've yet to meet them you make your way towards the familiar.

"Hey Rogers. Good to see you in one piece."

He tiredly chuckles. "Y/N." You punch his arm and he opens them up so you can hug him. "How are you holding up?"

"Better now that I got my sister back," you muse. As you pull away, you glance behind him into the quinjet. "Hey, where's Natasha?" Steve's smile falls and your heart plummets into your stomach. You can practically read the answer in his eyes. "No.." You shake your head.

His breathing stutters before he clears his throat. "We, uh, we lost Tony too."

Your expression completely crumples then, but Steve is quick to pull you back into a hug. He lets you cry into his chest before Clint steals you away, and then you're crying into your brother-in-law's shoulder. Then once all the tears taper off, Steve introduces you and Laura to Wanda and Bucky.

"I'll be in contact with you about what Pepper decides to do," Steve tells Clint. "If you do anything for Nat, let me know."

Clint sniffles. "I will."

You, Clint, and Laura wave off Steve, Wanda, and Bucky as they return inside the quinjet and lift off.

"Come on," Clint then sighs. "I need to see the kids and then figure out a way to tell them all about auntie Nat's sacrifice."

"And plan a memorial," Laura says.

You frown. "This was not the homecoming I was hoping for."

After a few days of planning, Clint decides on a cookout with all the Avengers and close friends of Nat's invited. It was a couple of days before Tony's own memorial, so you were surprised when Pepper Stark showed up with Morgan in tow. You were happy to finally meet the young girl who you'd been sending gifts to and you gladly ended up on babysitting duty.

You had met more of Clint's ex-coworkers, but your attention always ended up back on the children. Then when it came time to say a few words on Natasha's behalf, you somehow ended up between Steve and Bucky as the children ran back to their respective parents with Steve tucking you into his side when the tears started.

Then when the day of Tony's memorial came, there were more guests than you had anticipated. So as Pepper and Morgan walked a small flower raft with an arc reactor replica on it and set it out on the water, you stood back with Laura and her family and waited in silence. And as the crowd dispersed, you mostly kept to yourself until you saw Steve walk out of Pepper's home in the oddest white and red suit you'd ever seen.

Walking up behind Steve, you nod at Bucky and Sam who grin at your presence. When Steve turns around, you chuckle. "Why do I got a feeling you're about to do something very stupid?"

He grins and adjusts his grip on the suitcase hanging by his side. "Someone's gotta return the stones to their original timeline."

"Mhm. Well be careful. Don't start any unnecessary fights."

"I'll try my best."

As he walks up onto the platform, you step back and nudge your arm against Bucky's. He smiles down on you and you stand by his side as you listen to Bruce who walks Steve through about what's going to happen. Bruce checks all his monitors, giving Steve the go-ahead when everything is fine. Steve nods, a mask of sorts opens up and wraps around his face, and he presses a button that had been in his hand. Bruce counts down the seconds before he flips a switch which is meant to bring Steve back, but nothing happens.

Bruce looks around his monitors and starts pressing some more buttons. "Where is he?" Sam asks.

"I don't know. He blew right by his time stamp. He should be here," Bruce says as he flips a few more switches.

Bucky sighs and you quickly glance at him, and he looks more resigned than anything as he turns to walk off.

Your attention goes to Bruce as your heart rate picks up. "Get him back."

"I'm trying."

"Get him the hell back!" Sam urges.

You and Sam are low-key panicking, but it's Bucky's calm voice that stops the both of you. "Y/N. Sam."

The two of you whirl around, gazes sliding towards where Bucky is staring off to. In the distance, on a stone bench by the water, there appears to be a man sitting there that wasn't there before. You and Sam stumble forward, and you squint your eyes, only to glance back at Bucky with wide eyes.

"Is that.."

"Go."

You share another look with Sam and he gestures for you to follow him. The two of you walk towards the man together and Sam stops just behind him as you walk around in front. When you get a good look at your friend who is way older than what he appeared to be a mere twenty seconds ago, your heart cracks just a little.

You try to force a smile, but it wobbles as an elderly Steve chuckles at you. "I'm really trying not to be so mad at you right now." Your voice cracks and he pats the spot next to him as you sniffle. You immediately sit next to him and take his left hand within your own two, a gleaming wedding band not going unnoticed. Your fingers trace it. "Was it at least a happy life?"

Steve pats your hand. "It was. It was the beautiful life I always dreamt of."

You take a moment for yourself, inhaling and exhaling deeply. "You know you were my complete impulse control, right? Who's going to stop me from trying to get into your best friend's pants now?"

There's a snort from behind you, but you don't bother giving Sam your attention. "Go easy on him," Steve tells you. "I'm not sure he even remembers how to flirt."

You grin as you lean your head on his shoulder. "I'm really going to miss you," you say after a beat. Another moment passes before you drop Steve's hand and sigh before you stand. "Well, um, I should get back my sister and Clint now." You meet his gaze and flash him a small smile. "It's going to suck not seeing you every month, but I'm really glad you found your happiness."

"Thank you, Y/N."

Your bottom lip wobbles again. "Goodbye, Steve."

As you walk away, you hold your head up high and nod to Sam when he looks at you to make sure you're okay. You continue walking, nodding at Bucky as you pass him up as well when you see Laura wave you over. "For the record, I still remember how to flirt." You stumble and and then hear Bucky chuckling quietly behind you.

"Goddamn super soldiers and your dog ears."

As the days turn into weeks, Clint and Laura offer you a permanent place on the farm now that everything seems to be going back to normal. He's promised to build you a small house on the property for all that you've done in the past five years, so in the meantime you've taken to bunking with Lila while Wanda took over the guest bedroom. Clint had also taken to bringing Bucky to the farm when he noticed the super soldier not coping as well as he was letting on, so you found yourself often sitting by the back pond with him as the two of you traded stories about Steve and yourselves.

Though you had originally joked about getting into Bucky's pants, you found yourself seeking friendship from him more than anything else and vice versa. So when you weren't working at the grocery store, you were watching the kids for Laura and Clint or hanging out with Bucky and Wanda. It was no surprise to anyone that the three of you latched on to one another after losing those that you did.

"Hey Y/N," Laura calls out. "Will you do me favor?"

You glance up as she walks out the front door, you and Wanda ceasing your conversation. You grin. "What do you need?"

"Lucky needs some dog food and we need a few bales of hay for the goats."

"Oh. Okay." You look towards Wanda. "Wanna go for the ride?"

She shrugs. "Sure."

"Thank you! You can just put it on the Barton tab at the store," Laura says. "Clint pays it monthly and I've already called ahead to let them know someone was going in to pick up some stuff we needed."

"Got it." Standing up, you pat down your pockets to make sure you have your keys, phone, and some cash. Realizing you have everything, you grin at your sister before walking down the porch steps. As you near your truck, you whistle at Bucky who was throwing knives at a target on the side of the barn. "Hey Buckaroo! We're heading into town. You wanna come?"

He throws the last knife in his hand before he turns to look at you. "Don't call me Buckaroo!" He shouts back as he makes his way towards you.

"Then stop lookin' so darn cute!"

Wanda snorts and you laugh as Bucky shakes his head at you. "One of these days he's going to flirt back and then what are you going to do?"

"Bend myself over the table and let him hit it from behind," you mumble. She snorts harder this time and your eyes widen when you see Bucky start to smirk.

As he nears the two of you, he says, "What did you say?"

"Nothing," you blurt. "Nothing at all. Wanda's just easily amused, is all."

His gaze slides to Wanda, but she shakes her head and doesn't tell him a word. You mentally sigh and praise her for being a good friend, and then you turn to walk towards your truck. Wanda readily heads for the back driver's side door while Bucky walks around to the passenger seat so he's seated next to you.

Once you're seated behind the wheel and the engine is turned on, you take a moment to find a decent song on the radio before driving. It's not too long of a drive and you find yourself pulling up to the local feed store not even three songs later.

Parking and cutting the engine right in front of the store, you turn towards Bucky. You know he's not a huge fan of being out in public, but you rather not have to flirt inside the store to get a helping hand. "Hey Buck, can you do me a favor and load up four of those large rectangular bales of hay and one bag of that dog food right next to it?" You see him tense. "I rather not have to flirt with the boy inside just so he'll help out."

He relaxes then and gives you a nod. "Yeah. Sure."

"Thanks. Just keep watch through the window. Wait 'til I give the signal for you to start loading up." He gives you another nod and you turn around to face Wanda. "Wanna head inside with me?"

Wanda grins and readily opens her door, you and Bucky following right after. But as you and Wanda head inside, Bucky remains by the tailgate of your truck and keeps watch through the large front window as you had said. Inside, Mr. Reeves is waiting by the cash register and keeping an eye on Bucky outside.

"Don't worry, Mr. Reeves. He's with me." Mr. Reeves glances at you, smiling in relief. "I need four large bales of hay and a fifty pound bag of dog food."

Mr. Reeves starts punching buttons on his register. "Alright, sweetheart. Is that going to be all for you?"

"Sure is. Um, Laura asked if you can put it on the tab? Clint will be by at the end of the week."

"Sure thing." You turn towards the window and give Bucky a thumbs up. He turns to open the tailgate and then move towards the bales of hay to start loading up. Mr. Reeves chuckles. "That's a strong fella you got there."

His words make you blush and Wanda giggle, but you can't even reprimand your friend because she is further away than you expected. She's leaning over what appears to be a warming box, hand inside as she smiles down at something you can't see. "Whatcha got there, Red?"

Her smile widens as you hear small chirps. "Ducklings."

You walk over to her, peering inside and your heart absolutely melts. Inside are the cutest ducklings you've ever seen and you know you're done for when you set your hand down inside and one particular little duckling runs onto your palm.

Mr. Reeves walks over, chuckling. "They were hatched a few days ago. All have been looking mighty strong and are ready to go to good homes."

"How much?"

"Y/N," Wanda laughs. "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking this little sucker with me." You pick up your hand, duckling still happily nestled in your palm as you cradle him to your chest and look at Mr. Reeves. "Any chance you have those small plastic kiddie pools?"

"As a matter of fact I do," he muses.

Wanda is giggling the entire time Mr. Reeves gets exactly what you need, you nuzzling the yellow fuzzball to your face. You pay with your own money and sadly hand over the duckling when Mr. Reeves has to box her up. You then carefully take the box from him as Wanda takes the kiddie pool, and you walk behind her as you make your way to the truck.

You have absolutely no regrets about buying the duckling, but you still hide the box as you walk around the truck and open the driver's door. Wanda shoves the kiddie pool into the back with her and Bucky turns so his gaze darts between the both of you- Wanda looking far too amused and you looking a little sheepish as you continue to stand outside the truck.

"What did you do?" He sighs.

"Well we went in to just buy the food," Wanda says, "but-"

"I bought a duck." You blurt. You finally put the box in front of you, on the seat, and you open the lid. The duckling chirps and you beam down at her, picking her up and nuzzling her once more. "I'm gonna name her Flauta." Bucky snorts and Wanda laughs uncontrollably then. "No one tell Laura."

"Gonna be hard to hide her, doll."

Bucky reaches over to take the duckling from you and the sight of him cradling it, holding it up to his face and smiling makes you melt once more. Wanda is staring knowingly at you, but you don't even have the urge to flip her off because you know you're fucked. Instead, you take your phone out of your back pocket and snap a picture.

"That's my new wallpaper."

Bucky doesn't bother admonishing you for taking the picture, so after setting it as your wallpaper you put your phone away and climb into your truck. He holds onto the duckling as you make the drive back to the farm, Wanda giggling every now and then when you glance at Bucky and sigh longingly.

When you make it back to the farm, Clint and Laura are on the porch as the kids play out in the yard. They both stand as you park, their expressions turning suspicious as Wanda hops out of the back with the kiddie pool in tow. You grin as you hurriedly hop out as well, leaving Bucky to carry the incriminating evidence.

You can tell he expected as much as he watches you jog around to his side of the truck, already pointing at him through the opened window. "Bucky bought a duck!"

He shakes his head at you and you blow him a kiss, Clint and Laura then joining you by the truck. "Oh really?" Your brother-in-law muses.

"Yep."

"Mhm." Clint looks to Bucky as Laura bites back a grin. "Buck, what's the duck's name?"

Without missing a beat, he says, "Flauta."

Laura finally laughs. "Nice try, Y/N." As Bucky and Wanda guess how Laura knew, she says, "When we were younger, Y/N did the same thing but with a turtle. She named him Taquito."

"And Taquito lived a long and happy life until we went off to college," you say. "Flauta will live just long, if not longer, here on the farm."

Clint chuckles and then takes the duckling from Bucky. He looks to Wanda and gestures for her to follow him. "Lets go get this little lady all set up. The kids are gonna have a blast."

Laura follows after them, but not before winking at you, and you shake your head as you're left alone with Bucky. He finally climbs out of the truck, shutting the door and then leaning against it. You nervously laugh as he smirks. "You threw me under the bus."

"I couldn't take the chance that they'd make me return Flauta." You pout. "I couldn't send her back, Buckaroo. I'd already named her."

He pushes off the truck, turning you around and laying his arm around your shoulders. For a moment you forget how to breathe. "You're just as bad as Steve."

"Oh whatever." You roll your eyes, grinning as your arm wraps around the back of his waist and start walking towards where Clint went. "Steve got you shot at. I momentarily put you in momma bear's crosshairs." He quietly chuckles. "And besides, I didn't hear you deny it. Admit it, Barnes, I'm growing on you."

"Like a fungus."

You pinch his side. "Oh fuck off." He fully laughs then. "Just you wait, Buckaroo. The day we decide to put sex on the list of things we should definitely be doing, I'm gonna withhold just because you're being an ass."

"You sure about that?" The teasing lilt to his voice suddenly makes you feel at unease. "You sure you won't immediately bend over the table and let me hit it from behind?"

Your face flames, but you can't help but laugh at your earlier words. When you manage to calm down, you can't help but say, "I hate you," as you finish making your way towards your family.

"Nice try, doll, but I'm calling bullshit."

#marvel gen fic x reader #bucky barnes x reader #marvel imagine #clint barton #laura barton #steve rogers #bucky barnes #wanda maximoff #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #marvel #avengers imagine

620 notes · View notes

ivyglow · 4 years

Text

I don’t want you like a best friend - Andre Burakovsky

A/n: Sooo, I wrote this as some kind of gift to my best friend because she loves Andre and she was trying to get me on his train (I guess she did?). She’s always hitting me with “no but you should definitely write about Tito/Andre”. Here’s your piece @skarsgardswiftie I hope you like it! <3 I love you sm Also, a huge shout out to @sebs-aston for proofreading this with such an attentive eye! You’re amazing, liv!

Requested: yes / no

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: brief mention of alcohol

Summary: you’re friends with Andre, but things are about to change after you create a TikTok account and start doing challenges that may lead to news between you and your favorite hockey player.

When it comes to capturing a moment you’re usually the person your friends think about, not simply because you’re always carrying a camera -mainly because of it-, but because you’re great with what you do -either photos or videos-. That’s also why your Instagram profile has more followers than an ordinary girl would and it’s the only place people can find you -besides e-mail-. However, that changed when your best friend -Callie- convinced you to create a TikTok account. You, of course, hated it, but she had the perfect opportunity -you were a bit tipsy, all your friends around, sunny weekend and so it goes.

“Mikko, do you think I’m pretty?” You direct the camera to his face while looking expectantly.

Saturday evening rolled around, the hot weather forcing your friends either to the inside of the pool or under the sunshade and their hands busy with cold drinks. It was a happy day, everyone was around, and you were enjoying the vacation. You had met half of the Hockey team as soon as you moved to Colorado and Erik, your and your brother’s hometown best friend decided you needed to know his crew and the city around. Six months later and you knew pretty much everyone and everything.

“Of course I think you’re pretty” he gives you a confused look before you turn to Tyson giggling.

“Josty, do you think I’m pretty?” you ask and he looks straight at the camera “I would give you 5 out of 10 cause you’re bro.”

You laugh and turn to Andre this time.

“Andre, do you think I’m pretty?”

He seems taken aback by the question and unlike Tyson, he stares at you. “Of course you’re pretty.”

You keep to your task and last but not least is Nathan, he’s sitting at a table while working on some drinks and you take him by surprise by jumping in front of him. “Mac, do you think I’m pretty?”

He rolls his eyes playfully and turns his attention to you for some seconds before looking at his drink again, “I would one hundred percent date you if you were not my sisters’ best friend”

And then your time is over.

“So you’re a tiktoker now?” Erik sits beside you and Nathan just as you uploaded the video. He raises his eyebrows and you roll your eyes lightly, “you know I hate TikTok, but it’s fun, so…”

“She’s gonna end up famous there too”, Andre announces leaning his body on the table and motioning for Nathan to refill his drink. Your eyes roam on his big hands grasping the red cup, his cheeks red from the sun, and the way you could see his dimples when he smiled at you, his hair messy in a cute way.

“Why do you think that?” now he has three pairs of curious eyes staring at him.

You almost chuckled when his point finger scratched his chin. His skin glowing, “I mean, you’re funny and cute…cute girls get famous on TikTok” he reasoned.

“Is this your best, Burki?” Erik asks and for the way his lips were tight against each other you knew he wanted to laugh.

“C’mon, let them be,” Nathan said after giving the blond American a new cup, and before you could ask what was the matter Callie was calling you at the door.

Your best friend started a rant about how she was going to get Chinese take-out for dinner and when you told her she should get Thai too -because it was Andre’s favorite- she started another rant about how you should tell him you’re in love and how it was cute the way you two functioned but also annoying. All you could do was savor your drink and mentally play a Taylor Swift song while she went on, “I mean it, y/n! Just tell him already…”

“Have you seen Andre?!” you whisper-scream to her and Callie sights rolling her eyes, “what about him?”

Swallowing the last sip of your drink you start to draw doodles on the glass with your fingers, “I’m just y/n, he’s Andre Burakovsky”. You usually were not insecure about your looks, but it was Andre, and the fact that he was a famous and good-looking hockey player made you question how in heavens he would like you back. Hell, you were not even sure how you two ended up in such a close friendship, he always being so affectionate and listening to everything you had to say. Your friendship seemed like the most you could take from the interaction. You knew he was ‘just Andre’ too when all your friends were gathered, but being ‘just Andre’ was as amazing as being Andre Burakovsky the hockey player.

“You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met, y/n, and I don’t mean considering only your looks, but everything. You’re funny, smart, and always so attentive with everyone, you listen to everything and always have nice things to say, don’t you ever doubt your value, you hear me?” Callie’s words make you sit up straight in the stall and your eyes water.

“In my defense, this is not me crying, this is tipsy me having an emotional moment”, you joke and it’s seconds before the two of you are laughing the way you used to during a John Mulaney show.

…

It was night when you unlocked your phone only to find a bunch of notifications from TikTok, some of the comments from fans about how happy the boys seemed, but most were about the way Andre looked at you when you asked the question. According to the most liked comment “this is clearly a friends to lovers, mutual pining, unaware love and slow-burn situation” which made you giggle but also replay the video a dozen times trying to figure out if there was really something there and you were the unaware one.

Needless to say, you weren’t able to reach a conclusion, but it felt different when you excused yourself to take a shower after spilling wine in your shirt and you felt Andre’s eyes on you all the way to the stairs. His hands on your shoulders felt heavier and the way he was attentive whenever you needed a refill or wanted a bite of food seemed more intimate and caring than ever.

Hitting the shuffle button, you chose your Taylor Swift playlist before entering the shower. The cold water cooled you off a bit, it was almost like washing out part of the alcohol in your system, but your tipsy mind kept finding evidence that Andre liked you back.

You went through your clothes finding a floral summer dress and sipping on your wine while brushing your hair. Your body was still feeling hot and at this point, you didn’t know if it was from the sun on your face or the alcohol in your system, but when you heard the first notes of “Dress” playing you knew you were going to do something stupid, especially because your cell phone was one arm away. If someone asked you where the idea came from you wouldn’t know what to answer, and usually thinking about how you didn’t have an answer was enough to make you give up on some stupid ideas...not this one though.

Reaching for your phone you unlocked it and walked to the body-length mirror in the room you were sharing with Callie. It took less than 2 minutes to snap a picture and send it to him and it took him less than 1 minute to answer it.

‘Woah’

‘You liked it?’ you sent back

‘Yeah, you’re looking good, cutie’ he answered just as fast, before sending a red heart emoji.

‘I don’t want you like a friend’

‘and I only bought this dress so you could take it off’

It was the exact line Taylor was singing when you reached the send button. You saw the dots appearing and disappearing and your body sobered up even more than before.

“Fuck!” you almost voiced. How would he look at you after this? Could you pretend you confused him with someone else? Of course not, he was the only Andre you knew! And everyone knew better you were not the bold flirty type.

That was it, your secret was spilled just like your wine on your shirt earlier, but now you wouldn’t be able to clean off the stain.

Would he believe it if you told him it was a prank to your new TikTok account?

You were lost in your thoughts before three knocks on your door startled you. And there he was when you pushed the door open. Standing with his hands inside his pockets and his hair still messy, he stared at you. It took maybe five minutes before he spoke, but it felt like an eternity considering his intense eyes studying you.

“You’re looking even better this close” for some reason his voice is low like he didn’t want anyone to hear and pop the bubble of the moment.

You feel your body getting hotter, pretty sure your face is turning even redder, so you reach your hands to both of your cheeks. That gets a giggle out of Andre and you instantly move them to your back, your eyes now staring at his bare feet.

All you wanted to do was bury yourself on a rabbit hole until Andre lost his memory, or you lost yours. You were thinking about the possibility of a secret society -Alice in Wonderland style- inside the rabbit hole that you could live in forever when Burki extended his hand, his palm facing you, silently asking you to put your hand in his. So you did. And it was only a blink of an eye before his body was closer, almost touching yours.

“You’re not that drunk, are you?” he questioned.

You shook your head no and he moved his hand to your waist as a message that maybe -and only maybe- he wanted to be close too. So you moved your right one to his large shoulders.

“I’m glad you’re not drunk…”

“I’m just a bit hot and bothered” and dying out of shame! You screamed inside your head.

“Oh sure you are”, he replied with a small smile playing at the corner of his pink lips. Your brows raised in confusion and before you could ask, he answered, “hot. You’re hot”.

“Does it mean you’re gonna take my dress off?” you have no idea when you got so bold, but Andre seemed amused with everything.

“No, not tonight. You’re not drunk, but you’re a bit tipsy, I don’t want to start things like this” his fingers are in your cheekbone and you lean into him. “I’m gonna kiss you though, can I?”

His lips, so different from his hands, were soft and hot. They found yours timidly, exploring the space while his body welcomed yours closer, he took his time before his fingers were in your hair and his tongue caught your lips.

It felt good.

Like never before.

For some seconds you wished to be able to capture the moment and save it forever. Repeat it in your head every day.

Andre played with the strings of your dress, slipping it off your shoulders and you got into your tiptoes to peck his lips one last time.

“So...I take you really liked the dress?”

“I actually like you, the dress is a bonus” he shrugs and you giggle before finding yourself wrapped in another kiss.

#andre burakovsky #andre burakovsky imagine #Colorado Avalanche #hockey imagine #mels writing #nathan mackinnon #tyson jost #erik johnson

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imagine-a-fangirl · 3 years

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A/n: On Tiktok I saw multiple videos where they mixed the scene from the Fresh Prince of Bel-air with a story of Tony abandoning his child. But I feel like he would never do that so I had to rewrite that. So here it is :) And yes I casted Aldrich Killian as the father. Tony had been taking care of y/n ever since she was a little girl. Her father Aldrich Killian had disappeared out of their lives and not long after her mother, Tony’s sister, got sick and passed away. Tony raised y/n as his own daughter, later Pepper joined their little family followed by the birth of Morgan. Now years later y/n her father had suddenly appeared again, surprising her at work. He had known all the right things to say and had won her over in no time. Y/n was so happy to finally have her father back into her life again, but Tony knew he would disappear again sooner or later. Both he and Pepper were terrified for the affect that would have on her well-being. When y/n told them she was going to go on a road trip with her father Tony couldn’t hold his mouth any longer and flipped. Followed by a big fight between him and y/n, only to feel his heart shatter when y/n yelled at him that he wasn’t her real father and called him Tony instead of dad. This made Tony question every decision he had made for her and as a father to Morgan. Pepper convinced him that the only selfish decision he had done was freaking out over y/n her decision to go with her father. Tony made amends with y/n telling her how much she meant to him and how she deserved to bond with her father. Days later Tony was watching Pepper and Morgan play when J.A.R.V.I.S announced Aldrich was standing at their door. The two shared a look before Tony told the AI to let him in. “What are you doing here Aldrich?” Tony got up from his chair as the man walked in. Aldrich started rambling about some vague business things he had to do at the other side of the country and that he couldn’t take y/n, meaning the trip y/n was looking forward to so much wasn’t going to happen. And Tony knew this was the moment Aldrich was going to break her heart. “This is going to crush y/n, Aldrich.” Pepper had worry written all over her face. “I know, that is why I think it is best if you tell her.” He told them “So she doesn’t get upset with me.” Tony took a couple deep breaths before starting to speak “Pepper could you take Morgan to the other room for a second?” Tony calmly requested, meanwhile he was boiling with anger from within. “If you walk out of y/n’s life now, don’t you ever come back.” Pepper warned him before walking away with Morgan in her arms. “Sit down.” Tony told him “I don’t have time for a lecture.” “I said sit down!” Aldrich did as he was told before Tony continued “Y/n was doing just fine until you showed up, but now that you’re back you have responsibilities to her.” He managed to state calmly. “Look we’re still going to take a trip.” Aldrich tried to brush it off “Oh bullshit! BULLSHIT!” Tony flipped “Y/n is not a coat that you hang up and pick up whenever you’re ready to wear it! Her life goes on! She is not supposed to be her for you, you are supposed to be here for her!” “You get off my back!” Aldrich yelled back “You think I want this? It just happened! When y/n was little I was scared!” “CUT THE CRAP! Because I’ve been there, but I didn’t run out on my family, I was there every day, I was here every day for y/n. Because that’s what a man does!” Tony was now right in his face. He had been there when y/n had cried herself to sleep, when she repeatedly asked him why her father had left her. He was there when she was questioning herself worth at an age where the only thing she should have been worried about was if her toys were alive or not. He was not just going to allow this piece of shit to break her heart all over again. “Fine Tony you win, you are the perfect man. Happy?” Aldrich backed off, but this was far from what Tony wanted, all he wanted was for his daughter to have a father she deserved. “Now you are going to tell y/n or…” Aldrich tried again He took a deep

breath before shaking his head “I’m not going to do your dirty work for you, if you are going to disappoint her again, you tell her yourself.” “I’ll call her on the road “Sure do that.” That moment y/n came in with her bags when she saw her father standing there “Papa, what are you doing here?” “Y/n so glad you’re here.” Aldrich faked a smile “Ehm.. something came up so we have cancel our trip for now. You understand right?” “Yeah, alright that that’s fine. “Just for a couple weeks, or maybe a little longer “He laughed “Fine whatever “ She didn’t flinch, she didn’t show any emotion but Tony almost hear her heart shatter. “I’ll try to call you next week alright?” Aldrich tried making up for it “Sure.” “It was great to see you kid.” “You too…. Aldrich.” Y/n told him. After that he left, without as much as a handshake or an apology. An ice cold silence filled the room when the man had left “I’m sorry y/n.” Tony told his daughter. “You know what, this actually works out much better I have enough to do for my exams.” Y/n tried to act all though but Tony could see right through it. “Y/n it's all right to be angry.” He assured her. Y/n huffed “Why should I be angry? At least he said goodbye this time. I just wish I didn't waste my money on this stupid gift.” She pulled out a small box and threw it on the table. “I'm sorry. If there was something l van...” Tony tried to reach out to her, but y/n took a step back. “You know what, you don’t have to do anything. I’m not five years old anymore, I won’t be sitting up every night asking you, "When's Daddy coming home?” Who needs him? He wasn't there to teach me how to build my first robot, but I learned, didn't I? And I got pretty damn good at it too, didn't I?” “Yes, you did.” His worry made room for pride of how much his daughter accomplished with what she had gone through. “I got through my first date without him, right? I learned how to drive, I learned how to fight without him. I had twenty! great birthdays without him. And he never even sent me a damn card!” y/n turned to the door, before continuing to yell “To hell with him!!” It took her everything she had to not break down and cry, but instead she turned around again “I didn’t need him then and I don't need him now.” “Y/n.” Tony tried again “No, you know what, I will get a great job without him, I will marry an amazing partner, I will have a whole bunch of kids and I'll be a better parent than he ever was! And I sure as hell don't need him for that, because there is nothing he could ever teach me about how I should love my kids!” She yelled Tony rushed forward to pull y/n in his arm as she broke down sobbing “Why doesn’t he want me?” “He doesn’t deserve you.” Tony whispered as he held her “Why doesn’t he want me dad?”

#imagine marvel #imagine tony stark #imagine iron man #tony stark x reader #tony stark imagine #tony stark x you #iron man x reader

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shiftwithglox · 3 years

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So basically I started writing letters to my dr’s comfort character, which is Loki (tbh he is so hot) and I wrote like 5 letters to him, here is my story and experience (if you want a tutorial just aske for one, don’t be shy! Lol): I wrote him a letter, asked for a sign and all (as usual). My sign was that my sister referenced Loki 3 times in the conversation while we were having dinner all at different times. I didn’t know if it WAS a sign so I just wrote him another one, this time asking for a much more obvious sign. I went to sleep that night and didn’t think about it much till the morning. When I woke up, I started watching videos on YT, more specifically TikToks. I was paying attention to them and afterwards, I read on my screen “I would jump off any cliff for you”. Long story short, I was left a crying mess on my bedroom floor.

The next day, I wrote another letter to him, confessing my love for him, and right after I sent the letter, I put my headphones on to listen to some music and good girls bad guys’ STARTED PLAYING! if you don’t know the song, it goes like this: “So why do good girls like bad guys?” And then there is a lyric that says “Waiting, I’m begging, so please get here soon”. I was so happy, afterwards I saw the numbers 101 and 222 on the song. I was amazed.

Much like the day before, I wrote him another letter and I asked for a sign for him to tell me if he felt the same way about me as I did. I again logged into YouTube and saw a video title saying: “Loki confesses her love for Y/N…” I WAS SHOOKED

And today I wrote another letter telling him how much I missed him, and watching tiktoks I heard the song: “Cause you’ll never be alone, I’ll be waiting for dusk till down…” I have never felt so loved in my life

#shifting #reality shifting #mcu shifting

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freshwoods · 4 years

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This might be long winded but my sister just sent me a tiktok and it was one of those kinda silly ones where the filter is supposed to do something if X and Y, yadda yadda. But this one was of a little girl who was a twinless twin and it had a caption about the twin watching over her because the filter gave her wings or some shit.

Anyway, there are many things we don’t talk about in my family and my dead twin is one of them and I am legit shocked she sent it to me because we never ever talk about it and I never ever talk about him and my feelings about being a twinless twin, and I immediately started crying and can’t quite make myself stop. But it was also a lovely sentiment at the same time?

But today has been a mentally and emotionally exhausting day and that was like one thing too much for me to handle and I don’t want to think about my twin - I don’t want to think at all - and I’m spiraling into a lot of guilt because of it, because like. I have so much pent up emotion over the fact that I’m alive and he’s not and for what? What was even the point, you know? He probably would have lived a better life than me.

#oof #I’m sorry y’all I had to put this somewhere #twinless twin #idk please ignore I’m very upset

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 years

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Looking for a Place to Happen 2

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity, some violence and threats

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: Here’s chapter two. Think I’ll probably slow down writing. Appreciate y’all.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 2: I follow every little whiff

💀💀💀

You gave yourself a day off that week. Rather, the desolation of Birch allowed you an excuse to get away from your desk. An internet outage across the town had you up and wandering the main road just after noon. Your grandmother refused to join you so she was left to her true crime novel and the weekday droning of talk show hosts.

After a peek in the book shop where you picked out some used thrillers for your nan and a guilty splurge on one of Babs' pies to add to the surprise, you stopped by the diner and had some soup to warm up from the unrelenting cold. You played around on your phone as you blindly slurped from your spoon. With no available connection, you swapped candies to achieve a score high enough to get to the next round.

After another loss, you put your screen down and added some pepper to the tomato soup. You leaned your chin in your hand and peered across the road. The Asp was just diagonal from The Chipped Saucer and from your seat by the window you could see the comings and goings of the dingy bar.

You chuckled to yourself as you remembered the hundreds of comments on your video. You weren't entirely surprised that the internet cheered at the sight of a woman beating up a man in broad daylight, you'd seen much worse on the web. But many were curious and asked about how it started and about the small town alluded to in the caption.

You picked up your phone and flipped open the camera. You pointed it through the glass as one of the many bikers strutted out of the bar and down the street. You knew him, like most in town, he was the leader's right hand man. Steve Rogers. He had an odd gait, rigid with long strides, and you remember Kelly used to make fun of him when you walked home from school. That felt like forever ago.

You ended the video and dropped your phone again. You'd send it to Kelly when the outage was over. It would be a good laugh. Plus, you hadn't heard from her much since she moved to the city.

You finished your soup and paid. You went out into the street and cut around to the backstreets. You made your way back to your nans and found Pippin scratching at the front door. You stopped and scooped him up before you let yourself in.

"Don't like the snow, do ya?" You set him down and he whipped his tail before skittering off, "hey nan, I got you some stuff."

"You spend too much," she grumbled as you hung your coat and grabbed her treats.

"Only on you," you sang as you entered the front room, "sugarless blueberry pie, your fave, and some books about murder and all that freaky stuff you love."

"Hmm," she watched you put the pie and books down on the coffee table, "suppose the pie will go good with tea."

"Ah, and I suppose I'll be making that tea?" You returned.

"My arthritis…" she pouted but her grin came through.

"Yeah, yeah," you snickered as you went to the kitchen to put on the kettle, "we going black today or something lighter?"

"Put on some of the pekoe," she called back, "make a whole pot."

"Will do, ma'am," you trilled and basked in her annoyed mutter.

💀

When the internet came back, you sent of an email to inform the agency of the interruption and promised to meet your deadlines. Then you puttered around and added a caption to the video before you sent it off to Kelly; 'why he walk like that tho'. She sent a series of crying emojis back and told you to post it.

'Nah, it's a dumb joke.' You typed back.

'Saw ur last vid, ppl will eat it up,' she insisted.

'Well, got nothing else to put up. The account’s dying since no one cares about my writing.'

'DO IT.' Her words sealed your resolve and you uploaded the video with some dramatic music in the background.

The response was almost instantaneous. Several comments saying they were happy to see more and others being for another video. 'We all wanna see inside this fucked up town' one added and several latched on. Ignoring the questions of where this was, you gave a thin promise of future small town thug content.

You turned back to your work email and opened up your draft for your next gig. You couldn't help but smile as you went over your work. You might have just found your niche.

💀

You knew your nan would lose it if she knew you were snooping around the club, so you didn’t tell her. You went down, made her breakfast, went back upstairs to do your work, then tiptoed out in the late afternoon to poke around town for something to upload. Birch was so dull when you lived there but to those outside, it was a novelty you were all too eager to provide.

You got more videos of the bikers; some revving their bikes, others arguing, but there was nothing overly usable. You were getting bored of it until the man himself walked out of the bar. You record the man’s glower expression as he marched down the sidewalk and turned off just down the way.

‘His name is Bucket… wtf?!’ you keyed in and snorted as you waited for it to load to your account.

Still, there was nothing special going on, like always in Birch, and your grandmother was bound to get suspicious if you kept sneaking around. You went back and hid your phone before she could bitch about it. You cooked her dinner and sat with her as your thoughts swung between work and your TikTok.

You went to bed but couldn’t sleep. You ended up watching YouTube on your phone as the windows shook with the night winds. It wasn’t until the darkness began to glow that you were roused from the cocoon of your comforter. You looked out and saw smoke coming from the main road.

You didn’t think before you pulled on your jeans and shoved your feet into your slipper, unconcerned about them soaking through as you barreled down the stairs, the sleeves of your hoodie only half on. The back door bounced behind you and you crunched down into the snow and clamored past the row of lifeless houses.

You were out of breath as you got to the end of the path and rounded the diner to gape over at the burning garage. You got closer as the line of bikers stood in their leather with breath puffing before them in the frigid night. You stepped back into the shadow of the brick façade of the realty office and swiped your camera open.

Your hands shook and you struggled to steady the image on the screen as the mechanic woman raged in only her tee shirt. You didn’t quite understand what was going on; only that her garage was up in smoke and then men were doing nothing to smother it. She swung at the dark haired man and spat at several others; “cowards”... “fuck all of you!”

You gulped and held your breath as she was dragged away by the large redheaded henchman of the slender outsider. She fought for a moment before she was flung over his shoulder and the biker followed their leader back to The Asp. You sidled in between the building and hid until the voices faded into the wind.

Well, that would be a hell of a video. It might even go viral.

💀

Your phone did not stop. You almost felt bad as you saw the screen limn the edges of your cell as you left it face down on the little table beside the couch. Your nan sat in her rocking chair talking away on her corded phone to Linette from down the road. You suspected that every other person in town was gossiping about the same thing; the fire.

You finished your coffee and rubbed your eyes as you checked the time and ignored the pulsing notifications. It was too much to keep up with.

Your grandmother hung up and sighed, “can’t believe it. You hear?”

“Hear what?” you pretended ignorance.

“That old garage burned down. The one with the lady,” she said, “pity. When I was a girl, that place was a salon. Ma used to take us there to get our hair cut. The barber would give us wrapped candies and pretend to cut himself with his scissors.”

“Oh? It burned down?” you weren’t sure you were very convincing but you also could just say you saw it happen.

“Yep, no one really can say. You know, maybe she was welding or some rag caught, but I bet my money on those bikers,” she sneered.

“Good thing you’re poor,” you kidded, “and why the bikers?”

“Oh, well, you know Kimmy, Linette’s girl, works down at the diner and she saw that mechanic arguing with one of those strangers, the ones dealing with the club men. Well, it’s no coincidence that trouble follows those leather jackets around,” she rocked as she nodded knowingly, “oh, one of the boys I knew back in the day, he was found burnt up with his bike. They said the tank blew… well, I saw it and that tank was pristine.”

“Nan,” you gasped, “you… Jesus.”

“Well, things don’t change in Birch, we just get older,” she continued, “when you’re young, everything seems new but then you age and it’s all just the same.”

“Wow, how… inspiring,” you said dryly.

“Girlie, you gotta be careful,” she intoned, “that fire, that’s a lesson to all the women in this town. To everyone. You don’t cross the Commandos.”

“I don’t think anyone--”

“That’s another thing, there has never been a shortage of stupid people, not now not then,” she girded, “those women who get tied up in that club, their lives are already done.”

You frowned and hid your phone in your pocket as you stood. You rubbed your neck and picked up your empty mug, “I should get started.”

“Mmm,” she said as she dialed the phone again, “I wonder if Fran knows yet.”

💀

You were being really fucking stupid but peer pressure was not a logical thing. Even through a screen, you found it hard to resist the goads. So there you were, your phone in your hand as you live-streamed your walk down to The Asp. The data costs alone would make you regret it but you were caught up in the hype of you fifteen second of internet fame.

“Alright,” you stopped across the street and gave a view of the moniker with Cleopatra sultrily looking down at you, “this is it… I just gotta play it cool…” you turned the lens towards you and smiled nervously, “hopefully that dude at the front doesn’t stop me.”

Comments flicked up the bottom of the screen so fast and smilies and hearts floated up the side around your face. You crossed the screen as you turned your phone against your coat and approached the bar door. The large biker butted out his smoke and you bared your teeth nervously. He didn’t stop you as he rolled his shoulders and coughed.

You entered to the noise of classic rock and low voices, the clink of glasses and tap of chalk on marble. You glanced around and quickly swept your phone around to give a view of the patrons. You hurried over to the bar and climbed up on a stool.

“You need a drink?” the woman behind the bar scowled. She looked worn out even with her lips painted bright pink and her eyes clouded with blue shadow.

“Uh, sure, can I… can I get one pint of everything you have on tap?” you asked as you set your phone down and shrugged out of your coat. You draped it over the next stool and reposition your phone as you flipped the cam and used the built in stand on the case to angle yourself onto the screen.

“Sure,” she narrowed her eyes and glanced past you.

You swung your feet as you waited for her to pour the five pints; some with too much foam and the others with no head at all. You took the first and held it up for the camera.

“A classic, BudLight,” you held it up to the light, “no head and…” you sipped, “flat.” You plunked it down and coughed as you grabbed the next, “this is a raddler?” you looked at the tap for confirmation, “grapefruit… smells like piss…” you had a sip, “tastes like it too.”

You chuckled to yourself and asked for a water. You made a show of swishing it around in your mouth before you moved onto the third beer.

“Had to cleanse the palate,” you joked, “now… lots of foam on this one, dark. You know, I’m pretty surprised they have Guinness here but let’s see…” you tasted it and crinkled your nose, “that’s it. Exactly like toilet water!”

You read some of the comments telling you to check the bottles for bugs and laughed. Suddenly you were yanked off the stool by the back of your shirt and your phone was swiped up by another man as the first restrained you. You struggled against his thick arm as it hooked around your neck and the leader of their crew stared at the screen of your cell.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he snarled as he hit the screen with his thumb but the stream kept going. He dropped the phone to the floor and stomped it instead.

“This is the bitch posting about us online,” the man at your back growled. It was Steve, the one with the weird walk.

“I doubt either of you know how to use a computer,” you scoffed, “hey, let me go.”

“And why would we do that when you’re snitching to the whole world, sweetheart?” Bucky kicked your phone away as he crossed his arms.

“Actually, I’m--” you grasped Steve’s arm as it threatened to get tighter, “--promoting your trash business. I was just having a tasting, if you had just asked--”

“Shut up!” Bucky stepped closer and brought your legs up and stopped him as you planted your feet against his stomach.

“Hey,” a woman’s voice came from behind the bar as the waitress shoved aside her empty tray, “hey, she’s just a kid.”

“Bullshit,” Bucky huffed, “she looks full-grown to me.”

“So what are you gonna do?” she said, “she’s young. You can’t--”

“Don’t tell me what I can’t do,” he snapped.

“She’s right,” another voice intoned and that man, Sam, came up beside them with a pool cue in hand, “she’s just goofing around.”

“She’s a rat,” Steve insisted.

“You’re being dramatic. It’s called a meme and you do walk a little strange,” he chuckled, “no one’s gonna follow her breadcrumbs back to this shithole anyway.”

Bucky considered Sam and then looked at Steve. He poked his cheek with his tongue and sucked his teeth.

“So… you vouching for her?” Bucky asked.

“She won’t cause any more trouble, promise,” Sam said, “I’ll make sure of it.”

“You better,” Bucky snapped his fingers and you were released, “get her out of here.”

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ficdump101 · 4 years

Text

SOMEBODY YOU LOVED.

JEON JUNGKOOK

GENRE: ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!

WORDS: 1787

REQUESTED? YES! BY @jeonchristineimnida

PERMANENT TAG: @dreamescapeswriting

A/N - SO I’VE DECIDED THAT ANGST IS UP AND RUNNING. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, IF NOT I’LL RE-WRITE IT :)) SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING MISTAKES

Drowning. That’s what you felt. This is what you had boiled down to, an over worked and stressed shadowing accountant with, according to your boss, nothing to amount to. You were laid in bed, where you had been for the past two days, procrastinating on your workload and trying to recover from the recent dispute with your sister. Recent events had broken your heart beyond repair and made you want to hide from the world, making you (unintentionally) avoid your nephew. Your sister had rang and expressed her distaste in your actions stating, that you ‘sort yourself out and get back on track in his life or you can fuck right out of his life all together’. If only she could understand. If only you could express what you were feeling. If only he let you down slowly. You could feel the heartbreak tenfold at the mere thought of him, a wave of sadness started at your toes and rolled up your apathetic body. The tingling in your nose was a tell tale sign the tears were going to start building up but you were over crying. Over feeling like your world had been flipped upside down and something was ripped from you. This wasn’t his fault, you knew that. It was a mutual breaking up… but it wasn’t. You had loved him with all your being but he was the one who fell; he fell out of love with you and maybe you were the problem. You had rang Namjoon earlier in the week and spoke to him about everything - he had tried to give you advise on ‘moving on’ with your life but it didn’t work, all the distractions you had used failed because they reminded you of him. The music reminded you of all the times you had slow danced through the kitchen or when you had random dance parties to make you take a break from the assessments - it always worked. Painting made it worse, you always seemed to be painting his doe eyes and perfectly plump lips - he was all you thought about. You knew this wasn’t healthy for you but you couldn’t bring yourself around to care, days bled nightfall and you were surviving on coffee and red wine. Thinking back to your last face to face conversation made all of your fears of why the breakup happened become more realistic.

You and your boyfriend had been laid in his bed watching ‘Cry-Baby’, he was propped up on pillows with his head resting on the head board. Your head rest on his shoulder, humming along to Johnny Depp singing ‘Doing time for being young’. He had asked you earlier in the day to tell him 2 of your insecurities, you had straight away chickened out and told him that you’d tell him later. Well, this was later, and your random boost of confidence had decided to show.

“I’m insecure about my body.” You blurted out randomly, causing him to look down at you.

“What?” He chuckled, shuffled a little down the bed so he was face to face with you.

“You wanted to know what I’m insecure about. There’s a lot of things but my body is one of them. I also have the feeling that I’m not enough to be in a relationship with, and that you’re going to leave me eventually.” His answer felt like a warm hug, but the person hugging you is holding a knife to your back.

“Don’t worry. I’m not leaving you any time soon.”

That was a load of bullshit. Not even two weeks later, he was messaging you to say that he felt bad for stringing you along when he held no feeling towards you any more. You agreed with him - letting your moment of happiness disintegrate into the ashes of self-doubt and loneliness. You let these feelings wash over you as you bathed in them - your hair matting and sticking to the back of your neck, your body feeling burdensome with no need or motivation to move and the skin of your cheeks feeling dry and stiff from all the tears that had been spilled but not wiped. You had tried to explain to your sister - tried to explain what it felt like to have part of your soul ripped from your body and you needed help. But every time you picked up the phone and typed out a text, you’d backspace it all and place you phone back down. You knew that if you could explain she’d help, you two were close sisters, more like best friends; you knew she would drop everything to help you out, just like you would (and have done) for her. You remember when her ex-boyfriend, and father of her child, left her when she was 8 months pregnant. You had took a leave from university, explaining your situation to your tutors and with the mutual decision of working from home, you hunkered down at her house. You pulled her through the pit of tar called depression and put her back on track the best you could - she started helping herself after that and you were the backbone, you were there for her when she stumbled and throughout the pregnancy. You wanted her help, hell, you needed her help but you couldn’t bring yourself to mess up the equilibrium of her now oh so perfect life. If only you could open up, you could be in a different place now. Last week, Jimin had showed up at your door (well let himself in really) and pulled you up from your bed - he quickly washed your face and pushed your hair up, stating that you were only going to a cafe and then McDonalds on the way home. You were clad in sweats and a hoodie pulled up over your head with drawstrings pulled, keeping your face covered. You weren’t sure if you were ready for this. You were sat in the small cafe a couple blocks away from your house and you were a mess; half crying into your caramel ice-tea as Jimin read through the text conversation with your ex, sewing venomous insults here and there as commentary. You were suppose to be happy for the distraction, but you were surround by couples who were deeply in love and this cafe was where you met him. He slipped you your drink, which he paid for, with his number and a kiss on the side. It was sweet… Bitter-sweet. You didn’t understand what you had done, he showed no sign of ‘falling out of love with you’ at all. You took your drink with you as Jimin ran you back home, of course you enjoyed your time with him and thanked him for his attempt at a distraction, but as soon as he left you were left alone to your destructive thoughts. In your heart was a gaping hole which you had no idea on how fix. You grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and launched yourself back into bed with the chicken nuggets Jimin had bought you, you wished he could’ve stayed the night but he was a busy superstar. You fell into a peaceful alcoholic pipe dream.

You woke up to his face inches away from yours, a small smile gracing his features.

“Good morning baby. Sleep well?” You could feel the warmth of his body and duvet wrapped around you. You peered up at him, he was breathtaking, especially in the morning. You nodded slightly, kissing his jaw as the tears welled up in your eyes. You loved him more than life itself and here he was in front of you, closer than he had been to you in the past 2 weeks. His brows furrowed as your hand caressed his cheek, tears slipping down your cheeks.

“Hey now Jagiya, don’t cry. Pretty girls like shouldn’t be crying.” He pulled you close, his hand on the back of your head making you bury your face in his bare chest.

“You’re going to be okay, I promise.”

You opened your eyes with your hand griping the pillow in front of you. Your other arm flung behind you as you patted the bed searching for him. You were met with the cold, fully made side of your bed, there was no lingering heat. He was never there. You cheeks felt wet and cold as your heart sunk into the pits of your stomach as you turned onto your back, facing the ceiling. You could no longer smell bis sent despite wearing on of his shirts and you wish you could, the smell could comfort you in the worst of times. But no comfort was offered. You slowly climbed out of bed, taking the empty wine bottle with you. You trudged out of your bedroom door and down the dim hallway towards the kitchen. You passed the living room keeping your eyes downcast in an attempt to avoid the happy memories that were laced throughout your apartment. Ranging from the times you’d fallen to sleep on the sofa with him watching random films to when you had a water fight between the kitchen and front door. You made you way past the sofa into the kitchen, placing your empty bottle beside the sink and opened the fridge. You pulled out a sausage roll when you heard your notification tone, it was either TikTok, YouTube or Instagram. Taking a big bite, you sat on the kitchen bar stool and unlocked your phone. You paused mid-chew as you saw that it was a notification that one of the boys had gone live as a surprise, you clicked on it and made a bet with yourself in your head. If it wasn’t Tae then you would order pizza, if it was then Chinese it was. You watched the blue screen load as the video came on. Well it wasn’t Tae. The man looked happy and at peace, you couldn't tell what hurt more, his eyes that held that certain sparkle which showed how happy he truly was or how broken you felt by the fact that he was fine. Jeon Jungkook was perfectly fine.

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akkermans · 4 years

Photo

( madelyn cline / cis woman ) PHILIPPA ‘PIP’ AKKERMANS is 22 years old and is a JUNIOR at thales university. SHE is majoring in JOURNALISM and is known for being THE DESPONDENT as SHE can be CURIOUS and INSIGHTFUL as well as SELF-PUNISHING and MOODY. every time i see HER, SHE reminds me of SMOKE RISING FROM A CIGARETTE, THE CRUNCH OF LEAVES UNDERFOOT, INCOHERENT SCRIBBLINGS IN A NOTEBOOK.

hi hello hi i’m hero, i’m 22, she/they and i live in the est tz! i’m a recentish graduate who likes horror, my cat, and a damn fine cup of coffee!! i’m so excited to be here w/ pip!! if u wld like to plot, give this a like or hmu on my discord @ ‘garlic bed #3345′!!

full name: philippa ‘pip’ akkermans

birthdate: june 24, 1998

age: 22

gender: cisgender woman

pronouns: she/her

zodiac: cancer

nationality: dutch-american

ethnicity: white

hometown: utrecht, the netherlands

languages: dutch, german, english

family:

julian akkermans, father

lotte de vries, stepmother

amelia akkermans, mother (deceased)

sophie akkermans, twin sister (deceased)

orientation: bisexual biromantic

religion: atheist (formerly catholic)

height: 5 ft 6 in

distinguishing features: thin scar from crown of head to right eyebrow, eyes, lips

character inspo: theo crain, alaska young, shane and ryan from buzzfeed unsolved, camille preaker

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

TRIGGERS: death, car accident, alcohol and drug use, mental illness (depression, ptsd)

born in utrecht, the netherlands to a dutch father and american mother, pip akkermans’ life has been marked with tragedy since she was born. it seems to follow her. she was born five minutes before her twin sister, sophie, but as the two girls took their first breath, their mother took her last, leaving julian akkermans a single father.

growing up without a mother, pip and sophie found solace in each other, forming a bond akin to many twins, one so close, so dependent, it was like they were in their own little bubble. sophie was always the bright one, the one who walked into a room and immediately lit it up. pip was always the quieter of the two, her energy more dour, more withdrawn. but together they were a team, causing trouble left and right, getting out of it with sophie’s sweet smile.

their father was never the same after their mother died, but the coldness that possessed julian was all they’ve ever known. often times he was out of the house, unable to properly step up in the role of father to girls that were the spitting image of his lost love and the sole reason she’s gone. he drank. a lot. but he was never violent, simply sad.

he starts going out a lot, and eventually, brings home a woman that he says is going to become their step mother. a wedding quickly ensues. there’s a meanness in her, a clear disdain for the twins. but they don’t care, they don’t need to. they have each other. they’ll always have each other.

they’re fourteen and visiting amsterdam for the weekend when their car is hit head on by another, there’s enough momentum to flip them twice. the driver and pip are fine, minor injuries, but sophie passes away before anyone arrives, her hand in her sister’s as she takes her last breath.

pip is distraught, and for obvious reasons, she’s lost the better part of herself, even though she promised she wouldn’t go away. if her dad is heartbroken, he doesn’t show it. he simply continues to pull away. eventually sending pip to live with her aunt in america, rhode island to be specific.

she doesn’t exactly adjust well, not only is she still reeling from the death of her sister, but she’s experiencing intense feelings of detachment and nightmares of sophie every night, among other symptoms. her aunt eventually takes her to a psychologist, where she’s eventually diagnosed with depression and ptsd.

thus begins her long journey into managing her mental health, her aunt showing a surprising amount of support. she wishes on some level, that she had always grown up with her, that her father sent them away when they were children, maybe she wouldn’t feel so alone. maybe sophie would still be here.

for the first year in america, she doesn’t quite have friends, because she prefers her usual solitude. but eventually, she finds her group of friends, within her soccer team, her clubs, anything to get her mind off of her old life.

she tries to be normal, she really does, but she knows something is off– she feels empty, all the time, and her medication makes her feel like a zombie. eventually she falls into a crowd that is prone to partying, drinking, smoking. she’s sneaking out most nights to join them at their spot.

her senior year, she spins out, has a very public breakdown, that ends up leading to her taking a leave of absence from school, and essentially once again, returning to pariah status.

she does manage to graduate and get into thales university, by sheer force and extracurriculars, where she begins majoring in journalism, because it’s always been something she’s interested in, having been a part of her school’s newspaper before, well, everything.

she meets nana in one of their gen eds, and they hit it off immediately. they’re practically inseparable for a few years, until there’s an incident of pip being caught in a compromising position with one of nana’s flings at the time (it wasn’t what it looked like) and before she has a chance to explain, they’re no longer speaking.

nana goes missing a few weeks afterwards, and the emptiness comes back, feeling guilty as if it was her fault. as if everything that has happened has been a result of knowing pip and her general trail of misery. she was going to apologize, too. she just never got the chance.

now with the death of steven, her curiosity is piqued, her journalistic instinct triggered by the mystery afoot, and focusing on that means she doesn’t have to think about herself, because by god, she does not want to think about herself.

TL;DR: pip and her twin sister, sophie, are born in utrecht, the netherlands– their mother dies when they’re born. their father withdraws, eventually remarrying a bitter woman. when pip and sophie are 14, they’re involved in an accident that takes sophie’s life, and leaves pip alone, a bit traumatized. she moves to america to live with her maternal aunt, and goes to high school there, until she essentially has a breakdown her senior year. she meets nana her first year of thales, and they’re inseparable until a misunderstanding a month or two before she disappeared. now with steven’s death, she’s using her journalism skills to investigate it all.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

between the melancholy is a very bright girl. she’s always been rather inquisitive and observant, the quieter one of the akkermans twins. as she grows older, learns to live without her sister, learns to live alone, she grows into her own voice. she becomes someone unafraid to speak her mind, simply because she has nothing left to lose. she’s a bit dry, a bit sarcastic, and her humor can border morbid on occasion because she’s gotta laugh or else she’ll cry. she has a bit of trouble sticking her nose in places it shouldn’t be. she’s rather loyal, but it takes a lot for her to trust you– she trusted nana, and look where that got her. that being said, she has long bouts of depression, and detachment, which she’s been trying to manage for years now, but still, in the quiet moments, there’s a feeling the girl is rather– haunted.

𝐓𝐈𝐃𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒

she has pretty good investigative skills! she works on the newspaper at the school, so she’s kind of all over the place

explores a lot, likes to wander because it clears her head, though it also means she’ll probably enter places she’s not usually allowed (i.e. abandoned buildings, etc.)

also a soccer player! she’s played soccer for a good amount of her life, except her senior year of high school when she withdrew, she’s debating quitting the team here though

has a slight dutch accent, it’s noticeable mostly on specific words

disaster bi….. disaster bisexual…. usually stumbles into relationships and they never last due to her own shortcomings

can’t drive fr shit never learned how, fr some… obvious reasons, has some anxiety getting

has a few tattoos! her first and favorite was two butterflies on her wrist for sophie

has two piercings in each ear, a daith piercing in her right, and a upper cartilege piercing on her left

doesn’t really talk about her sister, however, claims she sees her/feels her sometimes

a skeptical believer of ghosts and spirits, mostly likes the stories that comes with her

speaks to her father once every two years, their relationship is nonexistent

likes to have a beer every so often but doesn’t exactly party, if u do see her at parties she’s prob lounging on a couch chatting with someone who’s name she’ll never remember

lived on campus for the first two years but this year got her own apartment, has an esa, a two year old scottish fold named noodle

has an extensive collection of sweaters and cardigans

kind of an old lady……. just learning about tiktok now

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

partner in crime – the ryan to her shane, the trixie to her katya, maybe they’re not the best of friends but they get into a LOT of trouble together

the reason nana and her stopped talking – pretty much nana walked in on a situation and misread it entirely and her drama loving ass cut pip off until her disappearance

friends

former friends – pip pulls away a lot, she is the undoer in a lot of relationships… or maybe it was your muse….

roommates (2-3) – new girl-esque shenanigans to be had!

newspaper coworkers

soccer teammates

someone she’s been helping with a case

fwb (f/m/nb) – girl has got needs, and doesn’t always like to be alone so

exes (f/m/nb) – prob broke up because pip’s inability to ever truly connect to other’s… haha! or it could be on good terms, and they’re pals now

crush (f/m/nb) – either way, reciprocated or unreciprocated, but it’s weird and you’re both kinda hot?

people she has Hooked Up w/ and now it’s awkard (f/m/nb)

rivals, but are we?

only likes her because her cat – noodle rights, babey!

‘she accidentally stole your coffee order once, but hey, she’s pretty cool’ – prob bought u a new one after she drank a bit of it…. now you see each other around fondly

‘she stuck her nose in your business for the Scoop’

hate-to-love friendship – i want to k*ll you to hey you’re pretty alright but don’t tell anybody i said that

‘you sent her an anonymous tip, but she accidentally figured out it was you’

someone who gets her out of her shell – takes her to parties! out with friends!

anything in my wanted tag!

#pyrrhic.intro #intro.#death tw #car accident tw #alcohol use tw #drug use tw #ptsd tw #depression tw #blood tw #only because the watercolor on the graphic does look a lil like it

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