#i don’t have any shit like hulu or whatever

[misfittq]

Hypothetically, if i wanted to watch all the scream movies, where are all the places i could watch them?

@lionydoorin @kirbycarpenter @el-fandom-birb

[devilsskettle]

i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill

[juniperhillpatient]

I said yes to Hulu asking if it can personalize stuff more vis a vis all kinds of data tracking idk I didn’t read the long ass agreement or whatever I signed because I’m a nihilist all my data is being tracked anyway I don’t give a shit take all my personal info just suggest me good trashy b gory horror movies & more sit coms ala always sunny south park or rick & morty I don’t give a shit. The first 3 suggestions was something about Biden or Us politics idfk I skipped fast the second suggestion was the fucking Brady Bunch & the third was the Big Bang Theory (????). so. It’s safe to say these corporations tracking us have negative net zero information on who we are as people. those are like anti recommendations. like if instead of a summoning circle you wanted to banish me you’d play any of those options. what the fuck lol

[gojos-thot-patrol]

For Valentine’s Day Nanami Kento is away on a mission? And he and the reader stay up for a while having a mini date over the phone. (Sfw please) thank you!

ooo, I LOVE THIS! I took it in a bit of an angstier direction than I orignally intended, but honestly I love the way this came out and I may come back to this to make a full on fic, lol. the potiential is just too great!!

Now Presenting...

Starring Nanami Kento, A very tried reader, and an old movie.

Sometimes you felt silly for falling in love with a jujutsu sorcerer. You knew he wasn’t going to be home often, and you knew that the chances of him never coming home were higher than you’d ever like to admit. But, you couldn’t help it. Oftentimes your love for Nanami felt inevitable. One of the undeniable truths of the universe. Gravity held you down, the sun rose in the east and set in the west, and you were hopelessly in love with Nanami Kento.

Some nights were easier than others. And tonight, was hard. It was Valentine's day, and you had spent the whole day watching other couples spend time with their significant others. Meanwhile, yours was halfway across the world doing who knows what. Not dying, you hoped. And now here you were, curled up on your couch with a glass of wine and a heated blanket, looking for something to watch on netflix when your phone started ringing. 

As if on instinct you grabbed your phone. Your body had become attuned to your phone, snatching it up the moment it made a noise in hopes it was Kento. You supposed that was a side effect of having a relationship that was borderline long distance. You smiled seeing Kentos name across your screen, wasting no time in answering. You were always excited to facetime him.

“Kennie!” you smiled, quickly checking your hair to make sure it wasn't too crazy. A grin broke out across his face the moment he heard your voice. He looked so tired, yet so relieved to hear your voice. 

“Hey Beautiful,” Nanami muttered to you, sleep thick in his voice, “Happy Valentine's day my love.”

“Happy Valentine's day!” you respond, smiling like a fool at your phone screen. 

“What did you do today, Love?” Nanami asked, wanting any reason for you to talk. Your voice was more than comforting to him, it was his safe haven away from home. He may not have been able to hold you, but at least he could listen to you.

“Not much to be honest,” You sighed, “I went to starbucks, and did some grocery shopping. I’m about to watch a movie!” you said, trying to make your day seem at least a little more exciting.

“Oh, what movie?” Nanami asked, grabbing his laptop. “I could watch with you if you’d like?” He offered.

“Like a date!” you giggled softly, “I’d love that. I was thinking about watching Casablanca.” You informed him.

“On Hulu, yea?” He asked.

“Bingo.” You confirmed, waiting for him to pull it up.

“Ok, I found it.”

“Ok, awesome! We hit play on the count of three.” You told him. “One, two, three!”

If you we’re honest, neither one of you really gave a fuck about Casablanca. He’d seen the movie a thousand times, and you were much more interested in talking to your boyfriend than paying attention to your tv. At some point, he had gotten his own cup of wine, and the movie was long forgotten.

“I miss you.” You sighed to your phone. Nanami sighed back.

“I miss you too. But, hey! At least I’ll be home soon.” He said comfortingly. It was true! As long as he didn’t die, he’d be on his way home in two days. “And I fully plan on taking you out on a proper Valentine's day date when I get back.” He said. 

“You don’t have to do that..” you cooed to him, “This is honestly the highlight of my day”

“I know I don’t have too, but I want to.” Nanami said. “You deserved to be spoiled. Especially considering all the shit you put up with when it comes to my job.”

“It’s all worth it to have you.” You promised him. The look on Nanami's face was hard to read. He was praying to whatever gods would listen that you meant it. He knew loving a sorcerer was no walk in the park, and he hated that you had to endure it. But, he was eternally thankful to you for putting up with it. As far as he was concerned, loving you was inevitable. There was no avoiding it or getting around it, his soul was made for yours. He had no idea how he got so lucky that you not only loved him back, but also were willing to deal with his job.

“I love you Y/n.” Nanami sighed, wishing for nothing more than to hold you. “I miss you.”

“I love you too, Kento.” You muttered, wrapping your blanket tighter around yourself to simulate his arms, “And I miss you too.” Nanami smiled followed by a yawn. It was then you realized it was 3 in the morning, and Nanami looked impossibly tired. “Hey, I’m getting pretty sleepy.” You muttered to him. 

“Yea?” he asked through yet another yawn, rubbing his eyes in a way that was almost too cute for his strong face. “I think I am too.” He admitted. “Same time again tomorrow?” He asked, forcing you to smile. 

“Yea, same time tomorrow.” you nodded. He returned your smile.

“Goodnight love.”

“Goodnight Darling.” you said as you reluctantly hung up the phone. You turned back to the TV just in time to catch the tail end of Rick Blaine’s iconic speech. 

“ I've got a job to do too.” The man on the tv said. “Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now. Here's looking at you, kid.”

You turned off the tv, the speech hitting maybe just a little too close to home. “Here’s lookin’ at you.” you muttered with a sigh.

[gingerylangylang1979]

Any recommendations for Soft Romantic stories (books or movies) featuring Black Women?

I hope I don’t offend anyone and this is not meant to be a rant against all white women or anything. I also don’t expect every creator to create specifically for me, how can they if they don’t all get my experience? I’m just tired, y’all. 

I recently finished the Normal People limited series. I liked it at first but towards the middle I was really unimpressed and the end left me cold. No, I will not read the book. I think the thing that struck me most is how much I just don’t want to engage in any more romantic story lines that involve privileged white ingenues. I just can’t for the love of humanity watch a self absorbed girl rocking the nonchalant French girl aesthetic and strain to find her relatable. I live in Brooklyn. I know these girls. I just can’t relate. But they are not someone who’s inner life I need to get to know better. Maybe this is why I had no desire to ever watch Girls. I have a few white girl friends, they are not like these girls, like. at. all. I also recently watched The Boy Downstairs and The Worst Person in the World. See a theme here? Basically, I have Hulu and was struggling with finding modern romance to watch, thus this losing streak of irritating protagonists. I think Rory Gilmore is perhaps the archetype of this girl? I didn’t make it through the first season of that show. I just didn’t get the hype. 

Anyways, this got me thinking that I really, really, really would love to have some GOOD romantic entertainment that features someone that looks like me. But what I don’t want is a soap opera or a typical romance novel formula. ( I can get down with a good telenovela style epic drama, but I want a different flavor here). I think the appeal of genre of films I mentioned is that they try to go deeper, they try to be smarter, nuanced, layered. I get the draw. It’s just none of these characters are that interesting to me and people seem to fall at their feet for no discernible reason. But I want the fluff, the softness, the allusions to great literature and art, the camisoles worn ever so gracefully, travel, and promise. I just don’t want the sense that no matter what these girls are going to be ok and land on their feet. Maybe they have some trauma, but honestly I have trauma, too and I still have to be a Black woman that is still struggling to be valued in relationships, in the work place, in society at large. So no, one shitty parent and sibling is not the totality of my lived experience and the extent of my angst. There is a whole lot of other shit going on. I don’t have a trust fund to fall back on that can also finance all the self care, elite higher education, and travel I desire. I also still live with roommates. See what I’m saying? If you get it, you get it, if you don’t, you don’t. 

I’ve been writing a fanfic based on Carmy and Sydney from The Bear. It is so fluffy, but also deep, sensual, witty (at least I think so). Sydney is coming into her full womanhood, defining her career, loving a man who is wounded, and guess what, she’s broke ass fuck but still looks cute and has fun. I need that, but someone else to write it so I can enjoy. Props to all the other fanfic writers! Can we get something like this published or on the screen? FYI, I do not care if the romantic interest is Black, white, Asian, whatever. It does not matter to me. I want intelligent writing and a protagonist who is not aloof, who is vulnerable, delicate, actually works a challenging job, and inspires adoration not just because, but because she is seen. I swear if I have to sit through one more scene of a boring white girl in a perfect messy bun take a half bite of a pastry in slow motion I’m going to scream. Or watch a racially ambiguous girl get fawned over because of course she would because she’s slightly exotic and safe. AKA, she cannot be light skinned or mixed for the love of God! 

Side note: I do recommend Good Luck to You Leo Grande (the ending was a bit meh, but the rest excellent and my goodness Emma Thompson always makes me cry) and Enough Said (who knew James Gandolfini was a great romantic lead). Maybe middle aged and older white women are better viewing than millennials and Gen Z?

Anyways, who has recs for my rant?

Edit: I think I found the vibe of what I’m looking for. Imagine all of the love songs from The Sea and the self titled albums from Corinne Bailey Rae. That’s it. 

[lovemesomesurveys]

survey by supremequeenstyles

Did you get enough rest last night? I never feel like I get enough rest. 

What was the last thing that kept you awake? If there’s a night I have trouble sleeping or get up a few times it’s because my sleeping medication didn’t work as well for whatever that night. Sometimes I need to kick it up a notch. I don’t stay up all night anymore just for the hell of it, I want to go to sleep and be able to sleep. Thankfully, my sleeping med works majority of the time.

If you have pets, do they sleep in your bedroom at night? No, she likes to sleep on her couch in the living room. 

Can you sleep with background noise or does it keep you up? I have to sleep with the TV on for a little background noise and light. 

Do you ever take naps? Do you take long naps or little power naps? My naps tend to me a few hours. Power naps don’t help me, but honestly neither do longer naps. I always wake up feeling just groggy and blah. 

What helps when you have trouble sleeping? My sleeping meds, usually. However, those few times they don’t quite work as well then I’m kinda just screwed until I hopefully doze off eventually. 

Who was the last person to cook you a meal? What did they make? Easter dinner my mom and brother did the ham, mashed potatoes, and pesto pasta. 

Who was the last person you cooked a meal for? What did you make? I don’t cook.

Who is your female celeb crush? (If applicable) I don’t have one.

Who is your male celeb crush? (If applicable) Alexander Skarsgard.

Tell me about an interesting article you’ve read recently. There’s a lot on the news app on my phone. 

Do you have a favorite Marvel character? Scarlet Witch, Doctor Strange, and Iron Man. 

Favorite DC character? Batman and Superman. 

Do you read comic books? Nope.

Who has been your favorite actor to play Batman (live action)? I actually like Ben Affleck’s and Robert Pattinson’s takes on the character. 

Who has been your favorite live action Joker? Joaquin Phoenix.

Has a horror film ever actually scared you? Which one(s)? I mean, I may get creeped out at some parts during the movie and the damn jump scares often get me, but I don’t think I’d say a movie has actually scared me. To me, that implies lingering effects. Like, I’m affected by it long after the movie is over. I haven’t felt that. Honestly, right after the movie I just move on to something else lol.

What was the last horror movie you saw? This movie on Netflix called, I See You. 

What was the first horror movie you remember seeing? What did you think of it? >> I couldn't tell you, I have no idea. The first one that comes to mind is Scream, though. I was terrified of Ghostface as a kid.

Name a few historical figures you find interesting. Why? Nah.

What is your favorite historical film and why? Meh. 

Do you usually enjoy historical films? Not typically. 

Name a sequel film (any franchise) you like better than the first film. Why is that? Of course I’m going completely blank at the moment. As rare as it is to like a sequel better than the first, it does happen sometimes. I’m really struggling mentally and physically and my brain feels like mush right now, so I can’t think. 

Which do you find most interesting: Greek, Roman, or Norse mythology? Why? I’m not into mythology. 

Which tale from whichever mythology you listed above do you find most interesting? --

Do you collect anything? What was the last item you added to that collection? Yeah, several things. One of my biggest collections are my giraffe stuffed animals. I have a shit ton of ‘em.

Do you have any houseplants? No.

How do you like your tea? Not a big tea drinker, but a peppermint or chamomile with a packet or two of sugar is good. 

Who is your favorite Muppet? Oscar the Grouch cause me.

What is your favorite type of bird? I don’t have one. 

Which streaming platform do you use the most, if any? I mean, we have ‘em all at this point but as of lately I’ve been using Hulu, Paramount, and Peacock a lot. 

What is a skill or useful piece of knowledge you wish you’d learned sooner? Things regarding myself and what would end up happening if left unaddressed. I would hope if I knew there was something I could do, that now at hindsight wasn’t so bad, I would choose to do it. 

What is your favorite vampire movie? I was a Twilight fan. 

Your favorite fictional couple? One of the new shows I’m currently watching is School Spirits and I really like Maddie and Simon. Maddie and Wally are kinda cute, too. 

Do you have a favorite historical couple? No.

Have you received any good news recently? No. It’s been a shitty past week. 

Have you learned anything new recently? My brother just told me he’s going to take a trip tomorrow with his boyfriend to a place I’ve always to go. I held it together in front of him and he’s obviously excited, I’m excited for him. I’m really not a selfish bitch, I want him to travel and experience new things and live his life. I love that he has someone special to do so with. He’s a damn good hard worker, extremely responsible, and very intelligent. I’m proud of him, I’ll always brag about how proud I am of him. He’s a genuinely good kid. But I’m just being a sad, bitter bitch because my situation still isn’t good and still hard to envision anything changing anytime soon. I’m just not doing well physically and mentally either. It’s really hard. I know everyone needs to keep living their lives and not miss out on things just cause of me. I just really want to be able to do things and travel again. There’s so many places I want to visit. Sooo, yeah. I’m just a sad bitch. 

[kjwrites9]

The Clinic on Knoxville By: Beth Carr

*A one-woman play, exploring the mental trauma healthcare workers go through after an act of violence* Notes * note stage directions and/or insights from the author. 

Hello all! Thank you for inviting me to speak at this year’s National Reproductive Health Conference, this is quite an honor. My name is Dr. Candace Bloom, but my friends call me Candy. I am a board-certified gynecologist and personally certified hoot-and-a-half at parties.

*joke doesn’t land* oof tough crowd, *take a sip of water.*

*joke does land* *sigh* woah my husband warned me that joke would flop, but I knew y’all would have my back. *sip of water*

For the past 14 years, I’ve worked at a small midwestern planned parenthood office. I always tell people, the most important thing you should know about me is that I love my job. I went into this field specifically to help people in crisis, I wanted to be there as a mechanism of support, never shame. So straight out of residency, I knew that working at Planned Parenthood would be the natural fit. Our office was small, and for the most part, things were uneventful. The door to the clinic is on the back side of the building, so patients rarely had to interact with protesters if we even had any. So, I’m sure you’re wondering okay… so why did this lady title this talk “what to do when your job is on fire ” if her clinic is so quiet and perfect. And the truth is it really was quiet - until it wasn’t.

--------------------------------------------------------

So when your job is on fire, your mind kind of goes blank. Well, at first you think holy shit, but other than that it’s kind of quiet in your mind. You’re not sure if you’re angry, or sad, I think it’s just too many emotions at once. It is like if a train hit you but you don’t realize it for the first hour and then all the sudden all the pain comes at once and you –

– are pregnant Miss Wilson. I want you to know you have a couple of options going forward, however, your timeframe is extremely short. —so that is 100% still an option, but it would have to be made by the end of the week just to be safe.  —i’m sorry. i know that is so quick. trust and believe if it were up to me…well, a lot of things would be different. —hey hey, no no no. don’t cry. i’m here for you. whatever you choose to do i’m going to support you 1000%. but i can’t make this choice for you. you are the only one who walks in those *looks down and notices her shoes.* very cute sneakers you have on. —you’re very welcome. why don’t you go home and sleep on it and come back and we can talk more in depth about your options. Good *looks at computer* looks like i have a 4:30 tomorrow, does that work for you? excellent. now miss wilson, i’ll let you have the room

if you don’t have any further questions, but just know you are capable of making this choice! you are strong. and i’ll see you tomorrow.

*she leaves the room and goes to a sink. Throws away gloves and washes her hands. Puts a clipboard up in a holder. types on her keyboard for a minute and notices how late it is. maybe yells off stage*  - Paula? you still here? —i figured. well i’m heading out for the day. you go home now. the office will be fine until the morning. —i know you’ve got the calls, just make them in the morning. yes i’m sure. have a good night Paula! Another nurse approaches.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey hun! I’m home. Today was good. Couple new cases of chlymidia…but what else is new in this town?? hey thanks for cooking it smells amazing by the way. –no actually. –*laughs* I’m serious. I’m really not doing any work tonight. So we can get crazy. you know. watch some hulu. have a glass of wine. maybe if we are feeling extra crazy we can break out the scrabble. —yes. i am still the party animal you married. aren’t you lucky.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------

*phone is buzzing, candace and dan fell asleep on the couch and she is woken up by the ringer*

Dan, honey wake up - we fell asleep on the couch again. – Hold on my phone is blowing up, one second. –hello? –yes, this is she. What? Oh my gosh is everything okay no one was in the building? Right? Please tell me that. Oh thank god. Okay I’m on my way. What do you mean wait? No I can’t just sit here I’m coming up there.

Dan, the office is on fire. They don’t know what happened, but the whole place is burning. i have to get up there. i have to see it for myself.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*she see’s the building and is just flooded with emotion*

*goes back home*

*she has no words to say, but she has to take this horrible sight in all at once. the level of pain cannot be described. 

—-———

*She sits on the couch, opens her laptop, and calls the patient.* Hello. Hi is this Miss Wilson? Good. this is Dr. Bloom from planned parenthood. I, I can’t say much right now. IK we told you you could come in today, but you are going to have to find somewhere else to go.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m sorry to be emotional up here. I tried really hard to keep this professional and put together. But I guess really, there is nothing put together or predictable about real life. I know you all know this pain and this fear better than anyone…but every time I think about it, I just can’t help but cry and be mad, because all of this pain was the result of one guy who thought he knew best. And that that vision of best included setting a building on fire. Who is he to block healthcare? To try and harm women?  He’s nobody. I’m so sorry for yelling, but i’m just so tired. And every time I close my eyes I can still see that building on fire. Okay, if you haven’t heard anything i’ve said today, that’s fine but please here this. You have to promise me, you will take what I’ve said and you will use it. You will continue to fight for education, for health, and for the people who walk into our clinics. Becasue they deserve better than this. And we do too. We do too.

[suckmybigtoeoikawa]

Could you do a Ushijima, kiyoomi, and osamu fic where their s/o bites their butt😃⁉️

Also I love your vibe let’s be friends🤰

shoot id bite their ass any day 🧍🏾‍♀️… and sureeee i’d love to be friends (i’m just hella awkward)

Ushijima

“yeah i’ll be done soon” you and Ushijimas conversation was coming to an end. Prior to the conversation you guys were talking about how much ass can someone hold on their body.

25 minutes before

“i just don’t think that Aunt Fanny could hold all that ass on her yk, like i know she’s a robot but gah daum” you exclaim

“y/n, i don’t understand why we’re arguing about a cartoon characters butt” says ushijima. He always loved how you would just talk about some weird shit, it really made him think.

“i don’t know.. you wanna watch Robots (yk the movie)” you smile

Present time

So now your here about to go watch Robots, just because y’all were talking about Aunt Fanny :))

you ushijima was getting the movie set up in your bedroom while you were getting one of his hoodies.

“what do you think its on” he asks “uhm it should be on hbo max or hulu, i think?”

there’s some silence, but the only thing audible the sound of the remote. you make your way back into your bedroom and sit on the bed waiting for him.

“ahh, i found it” he smiles, he’s so cute. he does this thing that when he figures something out he’ll go “ah” like a little huff yk. like a lil satisfied noise :))

“yay, an you turn it up a little bit please”

“yeah” he walks up to the tv (cause for some reason y’all lost the actual tv remote so you have to control using the Tv buttons) and bends down a bit to see the buttons.

Since y’all were on the topic of asses. his ass was looking real good… you just wanted to bite it and that’s exactly what you were gonna do.

“do you need a light, love?”

“uh… yes, my love”

you quickly get up and he stands up a little bit to look at you.

“look back down to find it” he follows your words, and you place a hand on his back as he leans. “hey y/n can you tur-” *CHOMP*

*audible silence*

he slowly rises up and looks down at you, you never felt so small in your life bro.

“now y/n… why’d you do that”

“you ass looked so good”

“okay now give me yours”

“i beg ya pardon 😀”

***

kiyoomi

In the public he was always so well behaved and reserved. but man when he’s around you he’s different. he’s still calm and thoughtful and making fun of Atsumu, but he’s a lot more playful.

You and your boyfriend always play pranks on each other, just for the hell of it. You started the pranks first in your relationship and he just does them back to get back at you, then it’s a while repeating cycle.

“hey, kiyoomi” you say in a teasing way, it’s always satisfying to hear you say his name, he loves it.

“yes, my love?”

“so i heard from atsumu, that you said that i have a pretty butt”

he just looks up at you and his face gets red. “w-what?”

“so it wasn’t true??”

“no no you do, i’m just surprised.. that he told you that” he’s still visibly flustered

“mhmm, i just came to tell you, that you have the fattest ass ever”

“oh my god” he rolls his eyes playfully and walks off into the kitchen

shoot you weren’t lying. when he walks that shit jiggles, baddie with the fattie 😩

7:20 pm

“hey dinner is almost ready” he says through the phone

“okay i’m coming right now”

when you open up the door to your office the smell of whatever Kiyoomi was cooking was blessing your nostrils.

you walk down to the kitchen and spot kiyoomi who has his hair in a lil mini ponytail with some strands coming out (HE’S SO FINE 😩) and has is still sitting mixing whatever was in the dish he was making.

you walk over to him and put your hands around his waist and your head on his shoulder. “whatcha making” “i’m makin-” he gets cut off as you squeeze his ass “y/n.. keep your hands to yourself” “okay okay”

“Anyways” he continues to explain the dish he’s making “can you grab the plates out?” he asks. “yes sir”

while you grab the dishes you just can’t help but look at how good his ass looks again, but this time you gotta a get a bite, like come on it would be wrong. of you not to.

so you place the dishes down next to the stove top where he was cooking. “thank you, lovely.. can you also check on the rice, i think it’s done…y/n..” *CHOMP*

he jumps bro and it sends you flying back, i swear a straight up K.O.

“WHY THE HELL??!”

“you said i had to keep my hands to myself ,so i used my mouth”

“THAT WAS A FEELING I NEVER WANT TO FEEL AGAIN, Y/N”

“omi are you lying to me, i know you liked it:((”

“.. next time just don’t do it so hard”

****

Osamu

Osamu is always touching you or groping you in some way. While out shopping he slaps you ass, or if your looking at something he’ll come up behind you and grip onto your hips. yk just anything.

so now you do the same thing to him. You slap his ass in front of his brother, and you grab on to HIS HUMONGOUS TITTIES. so something like this is always normal.

But one thing that always pissed you off was Osamu would always want to bug you while you slept, he’d often come lay in the bed with you and kiss your face and feel on your ass just to wake you up so he can tell you that he bought a new spice or some shit.

so now it was revenge time 😏

Currently he was sleeping, he was taking a nap because he was exhausted from running the restaurant. They had just put a new item on the menu and it was really successful.

you walk into the room and see his sleeping figure, he’s so cute when he sleeps his hair all messed up and his lips slightly parted, SO CUTE 😩

“‘samu.. you awake?” no response, great.

you climb onto your side of the bed and slowly push the covers off of him until you see gigantic and juicy ass.

*CHOMP* *CHOMP* *CHOMP*

you gave this man 3 bites.. and all he does is groan

“mmm, y/n keep doing that”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!!”

**

Masterlist

Have a great day and eat food and drink water!!!

[mostly-mundane-atla]

i realize you probably dont care about the upcoming netflix adaptation but the cast pretty much got confirmed and people are talking about it again so, whats your take? are you lookin forward to it or dont care for it?

Usually I wouldn't care about this, and I have said before to please not involve me in discourse i haven't already talked about, but I was going to make this post anyway so

*cracks knuckles*

Alright children, it's come to my attention that some people don't know their etiquette regarding Indigenous peoples and are making themselves look a fool.

First: you are not entitled to anyone's family history under any circumstances, save perhaps them paying you to do a family tree.

There is an aspect of this specific to Native people. I don't know how it works for Native folks in Canada but in the United States, when you are born Native your parents do some paperwork and the Beaureu of Indian Affairs gives you a Certificate of Indian Blood, stating exactly how Native you can be proven to be based on how Native your parents can be proven to be. The Certificate of Indian Blood is often called a pedigree with bitter irony because in essence, that's what it is. We come with papers like fancy show dogs, just instead of it qualifying our "breed" it's qualifying our right to be enrolled in tribal membership.

I keep my pedigree with all my other important documents, like tax information, birth certificate, social security card, that sort of thing. I inherited a total blood degree of 1/4 Eskimo from my mom and thus qualify for tribal membership. Past a certain point, I wouldn't be considered "Native Enough" based on blood alone and i'd have to get a special dispensation to be legally recognized as an Indigenous descendant. It doesn't matter what my tribe or nation's traditional customs regarding kinship and identity were, by United States law, I could be declared "Not Native Enough" no matter my connection to my culture, no matter how accepted I was by my Native family. Kinda fucked up, isn't it?

Oh, and the Beaureu of Indian Affairs is part of the US government. They ran the schools where kids got beat for not speaking English. We have to tell them we are members of this marginalized group that seems to keep demanding safe drinking water and the right to not be kicked out of our homes at the expense of oil companies if we want access to healthcare and scholarships we may not otherwise have access to because of our "unique situation" (systemic disadvantage). This marginalized group that faces police brutality and wrongful arrests for peacefully protesting our right to live in the few places we have been allowed to live. So if the US government decides Native people are a problem, they have a registry of us. Kinda fucked up, don't you think?

So with that all in mind, do you see how uncouth and just plain nasty it is to demand proof of someone being "Native Enough" or "The Right Kind of Native"? If some freak tries to dig up this info and he's more mixed than some have deemed acceptable (so 1/4 or less) or god forbid doesn't even have his papers or tribal membership for any reason (justified paranoia, clerical error, any degree of negligence on the parents' part) he gets to look forward to being treated even more like a pretendian than the fans have already seen fit to treat him as. How fun.

Every day I wake up I am made to remember that I'll never look "Native Enough" to a huge swath of people who may not have even talked to one of us face-to-face. And it's only a matter of time before one of them sends me a message, written to sound like they're crawling on their belly because they have nothing but respect for "Real Natives" but if they saw me in the regalia my older cousin in Nome made for me so I could graduate high school in regalia, they'd throw a fit. If they saw me after I eventually get my tavlaģun, all pale skinned and blue-eyed, they'd treat me as a study in cultural appropriation, as if i'm not trying to learn whatever variation of my ancestral tongue I can get my hands on.

I can totally understand why he or anyone else might have thought it was better not to specify. Like my first reaction (and this isn't necessarily correct nor something i'm proud of, just the first thing that came to my mind) to seeing Katara was cast as that Mohawk girl from Anne with an E was "they couldn't even get a real eskimo?" I'm guessing others felt similarly. If he didn't wanna deal with that, I can't blame him.

If you think he doesn't look brown enough to convincingly play someone native to the tundra, i recommend the following: go on youtube, look up "inupiaq" and watch at least five of the videos that come up to see how varied we are.

Don't watch this live action adaptation if you don't want to, but if you refuse on the grounds of "the actor's not native enough :/" and go on to ignore actual Native media, that's some performative shit if I've ever seen it. Seriously, how many of the people complaining have watched Smoke Signals? Dance Me Outside? On the Ice? How many were hyped over Reservation Dogs (first two episodes are on Hulu as I'm writing this post)?

Anyway, I'm tired. I'm probably not gonna watch the live action series, but that has nothing to do with Sokka's actor not being "brown enough" to be seen as one of the red and brown. I'll finish off this post with a 1491s video so everyone can get a taste of Native media and maybe elevate it more than discourse over who gets to play a Fantasy Eskimo who was originally written and played by white guys with no Actual Eskimo input:

[alex51324]

Just finished watching Our Flag Means Death, which is a great show and you should watch it, and read this article where the showrunners talk about how they have a 3-season story arc planned, and they are optimistic about getting to actually make that second season.  

And then I checked out the our flag means death tag here on this hellsite, and I feel like it’s a good time to point out that the second most-important word in “entertainment industry” is “industry.”  That is to say, many of the people involved do have what you might call an artistic vision; however, the shows that get made are the ones that people actually pay to watch.  

It doesn’t actually help to say, “I need season 2 of this program like I need air,” and then tell people where they can pirate* it.  

(*Yeah, yeah, irony, yuk it up.)

Granted, the proliferation of streaming services is making it more and more difficult to legally watch everything that you want to watch, on a reasonable budget.  My solution is what I call the “All you can eat buffet approach”:  make sure you get good and hungry before you go, wear your elastic-waist pants, and go for the expensive stuff first.  

That is, don’t treat streaming services like a utility, that you pay for every month and then it’s there whether you use it or not.  Treat it like an occasion: subscribe for a month, watch the stuff you really want to watch, then cancel before they bill you a second time.  (Put it on your calendar, set an alarm, whatever, so you don’t forget.)  Keep rotating through the different services, and you can watch just about everything you want to watch, with a monthly entertainment budget in the $10-$15 range**.  

(**This is US-centric advice, obvs--if the stuff you want to watch is not available where you live, that’s a different problem that I am not qualified to address.)  

I’ve done this with Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, and now HBO Max.  None of them make it at all difficult to cancel, or to resubscribe when they have new stuff you want to watch--you don’t have to jump through any hoops, or talk to a person.  Generally, you go into your account and click “cancel,” then they ask you to pick your cancellation reason from a list, they show you one screen where they try to talk you out of it, you click “yes, I’m sure” and then you’re done.  

This is, I emphasize, a completely legitimate way to use these services.  (They even have “watched everything I wanted to watch” on the list of cancellation reasons.)  You don’t have to keep making new email addresses or any shit like that--just use the same one; sometimes you’ll even get a free month or something for being a Returning Customer. 

The disadvantages of this method is that it isn’t free, and you have to do some planning ahead & exercise some patience.  What you get in return is that you are an actual paying customer, and therefore your programming preferences count.  If the only people who pay to watch TV are senior citizens, then the only shows we’re going to get are the ones that senior citizens want to watch.  

[tharros-auris-black-asimi]

I am his, he is mine

Pairing: Dark Mafia Lance Tucker x Nera Yang (OFC)

Summary: Between a marriage with a mafia boss and the upcoming funeral Nera has to involve herself in, it's always nice to find a bit of downtime.

Even if that said "downtime" is getting fucked in a dressing room by her husband on a shopping trip.

Warnings: Mafia AU, Dark!Lance, Possessive!Lance, interracial relationship, cultural differences, mentions of funeral planning, past toxic relationship, past mention of cheating, semi-public sex, mirror sex, mild body issues, daddy kink, pet names (bunny), rough kissing, vaginal sex, rough sex, mentions of bodily fluids, mild choking

Additional Notes: This was written for Bea, aka @extremelyblackandwhite's special day! I hope you enjoy babes! Happy late birthday!

Also, I'll be posting this onto my AO3 too. If you wanna read it on the AO3, you can do so here.

Word Count: 6226

“Bunny, let’s go shopping.”

“Huh?”

It had caught his wife’s attention. The petite, but chubby Hmong woman looked up from her book. A bewildered expression graced her face as she secured her place with a bookmark before putting the book down.

“Come again?” She asked, still confused. It certainly showed on her face. Her dark eyebrows were scrunched together.

Her brown eyes searched up and down, looking up at Lance’s face, in his blue eyes, before her eyes trailed down his body, even seeing the tattoos he had on his hands. The crime boss of all of Seattle was still staring at her. Waiting for an answer.

“Oh.”

“Oh!”

He was being serious.

Like, real serious.

Hopping up to her feet, the dark-haired man watched as his little wife strode over to him, the golden necklace with the medal hanging on the small chain bouncing against the fabric of her cropped mint colored sweater. Nera smoothed down her purple skirt that looked a little faded because he knew those were her favorite pair. Grey slippers with bunny ears on the top graced her feet. And he also knew for a fact that she didn’t wear shoes in the house. When they first started going out, his little bunny told him straight up that in Asian households, they did not wear shoes.

Point blank period.

And Lance definitely agreed on the no-shoe-in-the-house rule. It was just so tacky. Any dirt or muddy footprints drove him nuts. Plus, they were always such a bitch to mop off of the floor. He wasn’t about to waste his time on that shit.

“Uh… why are we going shopping?” Nera asked him, only a little bit confused now. “Don’t you remember? We gotta go to your grandpa’s funeral from your dad’s side that’s in a few months. I already pre-packed our bags and shit. You told me a month ago that we had to be there for the funeral planning. And because you threw the biggest fit when you put in ten thousand for the funeral price.”

A scowl suddenly appeared on Nera’s face. “Because my uncle started bitching about it!” She snapped, looking irritated now. “He was all, ‘Oh, you must put in a sizable amount of money,’ and then when I put in ten-thousand, he wanted to act like I didn’t put in enough! I gave them ten thousand! Ten! Thousand! What more could they want from me? I’m a part of the immediate family! I’m the granddaughter! Of course I’d give them some money!” She exclaimed. Really, she looked about ready to grab a shotgun off the wall and put a bullet through her uncle’s head.

Not that Lance really blamed her. He had met her dad’s side of the family once, and boy oh boy. They had enough drama to have a reality TV show on TLC, or like the fucking Kardashians and shit.

Come to think of it, weren’t they getting another reality TV show on Hulu?

Lance knew that Hope Ann Gregory, his second-in-command would eat that shit up. She lived for the messy drama. The blonde woman had even been there for the Dramageddon One with that one celebrity dude that Maggie Townsend, one of Lance’s employee's kids lovingly dubbed “Jafar Starfish” had been in. That one older dude with pink hair and no eyebrows.

Whatever.

He didn’t keep up with that shit. That was something Hope, Maggie, and Nera clearly kept up with. Whatever made them happy, he supposed.

But anyway.

Getting back on track with the whole funeral thing.

“He's still on that payment bullshit, huh?” Lance mused. Nera just scoffed, rolling her eyes in annoyance. “No. It’s considered an “unspoken topic” because everyone got mad at each other and now they aren’t fucking speaking to each other. It’s so fucking stupid.”

Not that Lance was one to talk.

Not really.

His parents had gotten divorced when he had been eight because his dad had been a misogynistic piece of utter shit. It all had started when Lance had been young, wanting to do gymnastics, only for his deadbeat dad to tell him that he couldn’t do it because “you’re a man and men only do manly sports like boxing or wrestling.”

What a fucking little bitch.

Now Lance had a Silver and a Gold medal from the Olympics, on top of being the regional mafia boss of all of Seattle.

His dear old dad could go and fuck himself.

So really, the whole we-have-a-fucked-up-family-history was just one of the things Lance and Nera shared in common.

“… but—” Nera was continuing to talk again. “When we get there, my uncle’s gonna make such a huge show of apologizing to all of us. Bitch, please. I’m not accepting any of his fucking apologies. Not when he called me a gold digger when we got engaged. Remember that?”

Oh yes.

Oh yes, Lance did indeed remember the Unfortunate Events of their Engagement. Or, as everyone around their personal family circles gossiped and had called it, The Mafia Scandal. Lance and Nera had gotten engaged after four years of dating after Lance had overheard Nera’s mother asking why she and Lance hadn’t tied the knot yet. According to Nera’s mother, she thought that if two people were still dating after two years and hadn’t tied the knot yet, then they weren’t destined to be together, or some weird thought process like that.

Sadly for his mother-in-law, Lance had heard everything. So, to the surprise of Nera’s mom, after catching her daughter’s boyfriend absolutely banging her in a closet, he had announced that they were getting married.

… and then Nera’s uncle had thrown a fit and called her a gold digger, leading to Nera spilling the tea on his past marriage and causing chaos for the entire household.

Really, the entire household was in a chokehold for an entire week.

To make matters even worse for Nera’s mom, she and Lance had decided to just get married at the courthouse, with her older sister Gina and Gina’s boyfriend and Lance’s personal bodyguard/driver Curtis Everett being the only two people in attendance.

So, Lance had a sneaking suspicion that her mother was going to try and bring it up when they would get back to her hometown during the funeral.

Possibly.

Maybe.

“Uh-huh, yeah I remember bunny.” He was nodding along. Letting out an annoyed noise, Nera stretched her hands in an effort to calm herself down. It allowed Lance to see the newly manicured nails that she had gotten. Unlike some women who had their nails bedazzled and were longer than his temper sometimes with dumbass clients, her nails were a French tip. Her nails were short, too.

They were simple. He liked that. Maybe he’d try and convince her to get those stiletto nails that Hope had been blabbing to him about earlier this morning.

Feeling her temper slowly simmer down, Nera let out a soft sigh.

“Okay. When and where are we going?”

A couple of minutes later, Nera found herself in a car, sitting in the shotgun seat with Lance who was driving. Curtis had informed his boss that he was heading to be with his girlfriend early, so Lance was free to drive his own car in bliss.

The roaring sound of the engine and the flying scenery of Seattle out the window were all Nera acknowledged as she nervously fiddled her thumbs.

When they reached their destination, Nera watched with a horrified expression on her face once she saw the certain store Lance had decided to take her to come into view.

Panic started to settle in her throat.

Nonononono.

Oh fuck her Jesus.

With the most careful, articulated mask of calmness she could muster onto her face to conceal her inner panic, hastily accepted her husband’s hand to help her out of the car.

She hadn’t felt this nervous, this horrified to her stomach since she had found out that some dude from a rival gang had been stalking her for months. Apparently from what Hope had told her, the weirdo dude in question was someone not of high standing, so if he randomly disappeared one day, nobody would really bat an eyelash. After that, Nera made sure to carry a gun in her purse whenever she could.

Unlike that time though, she didn’t want to puke or vomit because she was terrified someone was going to possibly kidnap her or rape her.

Nope.

She was terrified because this store, this goddamn Dior store was expensive as shit.

Yes.

Nera Yang was terrified of the Dior store.

Hahurr was what Maya Hart from that one Disney Channel show liked to say. It worked well in this situation.

Growing up, her family didn’t have a lot of money. They weren’t dirt poor, but they weren’t upper-middle either. Hell, they probably didn’t even count as just middle-class either. They were more of a poor middle class, to be honest. So while Lance had been dripping with wealth due to his background, Nera did not. She always had a budget she followed, and whenever she had gone out with her friends, she wouldn’t spend a lot of money. Hell, she had spent around thirty dollars hanging out with them and once she got home, she felt like absolute shit.

So when she married Lance, she tended to be more laid-back when she spent. Unlike her husband, who wore Armani or Gucci suits— she was usually in causal clothing or her mini dresses.

However, upon gazing up at the Dior sign, she couldn’t help but nervously swallow. She started to nervously play with her fingers again as she walked with Lance into the store. A brunette woman greeted them once they stepped inside.

Every step she took into the store made her feel as if she was walking on eggshells.

“What are we doing here?” she whispered to her husband. “Why are you whispering?’ Was his response.

Again, she nervously swallowed as she gazed around. “I-I,” she stuttered, “I just— I just thought that, well, maybe you’d take me to Target or something. Or… I dunno… let me walk around the mall.”

“Do you guys need some help? Lance heard the brunette stylist ask. “No, not yet.” His baritone voice filled the room. He quickly leaned in close.

“Bunny. I’m not taking you to fuckin’ Target. And I sure as hell aren’t gonna let you wander off into the mall by yourself. Besides, I’m not gonna get fucking caught dead in the public mall. Who fucking knows who could be watching. Your fucking ex could be out to arrest me again. And then he could try and get you back once my ass is in jail. No way.” Lance hissed.

Nera just glared at him. She even scoffed lightly, keeping her voice down. “As if I’d let him fuck me. I’m not into cheating dick bags. He lost the privilege to fuck me when I caught him having a goddamn threesome on my bed with his two other girlfriends. I had to beg my mom to replace it with a new one cause it made me sick.”

It actually had made her sick. For three months, she resisted the urge to sleep in her old bed because all she could remember was seeing her ex-boyfriend go at it with his two other side chicks simultaneously at the same time. As if she didn’t even matter. Like she was nothing. Like she hadn’t been good enough to fuck. Nera had bit down the feeling of physically vomiting in the bathroom until her mom had finally gone out with her to purchase a new bed.

After calling it off with the douche canoe, she had found out years later that he had moved to Seattle and had become a Defense Attorney. It had been a hilarious moment when she had been in one of the interrogation rooms and he had walked in.

The entire room reminded her of one of those Law and Order episodes. Honestly, Nera wasn’t really creeped out. She was totally ready to bail her husband’s ass out of jail. But, she doubted that he needed all the help. After all, he had the best lawyers and defense attorneys.

It didn’t hurt to speed up the process though. Dressed in a sage green mini dress with the golden necklace with the medal hanging on the chain with a pair of mouse flats, and her hair braided, she waited.

And then, the door opened.

“Nera?”

She watched with a cold expression on her face as her ex from literal hell walked into the room.

The dude that had been sitting across from her looked surprised. If she had been the meek little mouse that she had been back when they had been dating, she probably would have wished to sink into the floor.

But not this time.

"Son of a bitch," she greeted coldly. Her phone began to ring in her pocket. Pulling out her iPhone SI Model Two, she pressed the green call button and answered.

“Don’t fucking move. I’m coming.” Andy Barber, Curtis’s cousin, and their personal Defense Attorney spoke through the phone. “Okay. I’ll be waiting here for you. Thanks for letting me know.” Nera replied kindly. After hanging up her phone, she slipped it back into her purse. Before looking up good-naturedly.

“White, get out.” All Nera did was lean back into her seat as her ex barked at the other dude to get out. After watching them squabble for a few seconds, the White dude left, the door closing behind them.

Occupying the same space that White had just been in, she watched as her ex nervously cleared his throat, the Hispanic man looking almost nervous.

It made her eyes narrow.

“Speak asshole, or forever hold your peace.” she snapped at him.

“So… u-um… how have you been doing?” She saw him nervously chuckle. He even rubbed the side of his neck, a thing he used to do back when they used to date back in high school.

She stared at him. Dead on. Right in the face. He was briefly reminded of the current pain in his ass that he was dealing with, also known as the regional crime boss, Lance Tucker.

Nera didn’t even have it in her to be surprised. Or sympathetic towards this dude, this piece of shit.

It surprised no one when she snapped, “That’s it? That’s all you have to say to me? ‘How have you been doing?’ Fuck you! You lost the right for me to be nice to you when I caught you fucking your side chicks in my bed! In my childhood bedroom! So no, I’m not telling you how my life’s been! I’m here for my husband.”

Still seething, Nera realized, maybe this was how her husband felt when someone got under his nerves. Granted, she would never have the burning urge to beat the shit out of someone, or worse— possibly even beat the shit out of them until they were near collaspation or death, but she did have an urge to bitch slap the asshole across his face.

“Will you keep your voice down? I know it might be hard for you to— wait, you’re married? To who?” If possible, the douche canoe looked horrified. It was at that moment, that his gaze quickly darted to her left hand, proudly showcasing a gold band on her ring finger. Signifying that yes, she was a married woman.

Nera didn’t answer him. “Like I said, I’m here for my husband. I would like to at least see him,” she spoke, an icy tone in her voice.

Quickly grabbing a hold of his manners, he hurried, “Ms. Yang—“

“I don’t go by that name anymore,” she snapped at him harshly. “I would like to see my husband after our lawyer arrives.”

Just in the nick of time, Andy came through the doors. Nera caught the beard that the brunet man was growing out, and she thought it looked quite nice on him. The beard matched him. Not every man could pull off the beard. She respected that.

Andy Barber strolled in with a hard look in his eyes. Dressed impeccably in his dark navy suit, he looked like a vision. And just like her husband, he commanded the room just as he walked in. He always had that certain air about him. But, Andy always was nice to her. It was nice to see him.

Usually, not in these circumstances, but hey— life was weird.

He made sure to shut the door for privacy as Nera pulled out the chair next to her so he could sit.

“You’re Tucker’s lawyer.” The ex was glaring at him. “Yes, thank you for remembering.” Andy’s crisp tone nearly made Nera snicker into her hand, but she remained poised.

She saw his eyes dart back to her wedding ring. And then back to Andy. He did this a few times before he started blinking rapidly. Andy leaned close to her, whispering in her ear.

“This is the famous ex, huh?” mused Andy playfully. Nera resisted the urge to snort. “Unfortunately.” She watched with pure amusement as a nearly comical look overtook her ex’s face.

“You’re married to Tucker?!” he exclaimed. Shrieked, almost too.

“I’m a very lucky woman.” Nera nodded as Andy was the one to openly snicker.

She watched his horrified face, and then, for the first time that day— she smiled.

Nera couldn’t help but look around the store still.

She didn’t like flexing her money. It always was a fact pushed to the back of her mind that her husband was loaded.

Literally and figuratively.

“I know, I know,” her soft mutters didn’t ease Lance’s storming mood. “I just— I don’t like to…” she swallowed again, “I just… I didn’t marry you for your money.”

“I know that bunny,” Lance told her. “But quite frankly, I don't give a fuck. I like spoiling you. I like seeing you dripping with my wealth. It’s hot.”

Her cheeks flushed. Her lips darted out so she could lick them, something Lance noticed. Shyly, she nodded, clearly conceded.

After watching Nera go aisle to aisle, picking off clothes that she liked, eventually, he found himself sitting on a bench in one of the dressing rooms.

Nera did a quick run-through of all the clothes she had picked out. Dresses, blouses, jeans, skirts— mostly dresses though.

Lance had been in the middle of a call with Hope when Nera’s voice suddenly rang out.

“Lance? Can you help me with this dress?”

“Hope, I gotta call you back. Yes, I’ll bring you food,” Nera could picture her husband openly rolling his eyes in exasperation before he pushed the door handle and opened the door.

He hadn’t been ready for what he was about to see.

The clothes that she had picked out were in two different spots on the two different hangers. Lance suspected one was for good and bad matches. And, in the middle hung a single hanger, which he presumed was for the current dress that Nera was trying on.

The door closed behind him and he made sure to lock it. Nera watched as Lance came from behind her, his hands finding the zipper. The sound of Lance pulling up the zipper was the only noise that filled the room.

“Does it look okay?” Came Nera’s soft voice. The black dress was snug and had a v-neck. It fell just below her knees. Lance’s fingers brushed over the mesh material, making a shudder run down Nera’s spine.

“It looks great on you bunny,” Lance’s low raspy voice sounded in her ear. His breath tickled against the shell of her ear, and this time she visibly shuddered.

“Are you sure it looks okay? I don’t… look fat in it?” Uncertainty laced her voice as Nera herself gazed in the mirror, seeing her reflection. She could see all of her rolls and pudginess. Poking at her own muffin top, Nera frowned at her reflection.

“You don’t look fat in it. You look very fuckable.” Lance deduced. A deep noise came from her in embarrassment. “Lance!” she cried out. Undeterred, Lance went on. “It makes your tits look good too. But I always thought you had great tits.”

At the mention of her aforementioned titties, Nera’s arms reached up to push them up, making them even bigger than they already were. Nera’s tits had been small and she had liked them just fine until her sophomore year had hit. Then boom; suddenly they were freaking huge.

Ever since then, she always had a love/hate relationship with them. Along with the rest of her body.

She had so many rolls that were noticeable by the mini dresses she wore. Despite trying her best to not think about her horrible body insecurities, they always seemed to pop up in the most inconvenient times.

Like right now.

“… thank… you?” Nera tried to thank him, but it came out awkward.

Then all of a sudden, she was suddenly bent over. She scrambled to secure her hands against the mirror so she wouldn’t fall or lose her balance.

Yelping gently, her yelp turned into a little noise of surprise when Lance roughly grabbed a hold of the cotton fabric of her purple skirt and yanked it up.

“Lance, what are you—“ She was cut off by him grabbing a hold of her panties and pulling them to the side. The sudden cool air made her nearly shiver. A deep shudder ran down her spine as she eyed herself in the mirror, a sharp contrast with the man standing behind her. Despite being chubby, she was petite. Small. Hilariously small compared to her husband. Other than having tattoos almost nearly everywhere on his body, he was massive. Even though he had done gymnastics which made him have a leaner body type, after getting in jail a few times, he had worked out. The lean body type he had soon changed into a bulkier, almost beefy stature.

Simply put, she probably looked like a cinnamon twist compared to his beefcake of a self.

“You’re not fat bunny. I don’t ever wanna hear that shit come out of your mouth ever again, you got that?” Lance’s voice had a low edge to it. Like it was a personal attack against him.

When he saw his bunny nervously lick her lips in response, that deep homicidal urge crept back again. That deep urge to just get rid of whoever, whatever was hurting his girl burnt through him like he was a man deeply possessed. His jaw tightened.

“But… I’m…” she protested gently. “You’re what, bunny?” Lance’s hard response had her thighs quivering.

“I-I’m… I’m too big. Everywhere.” Nera’s voice trembled and shook as she visibly swallowed, her eyes transfixed on her body from the mirror. Every roll and pudge of her body was sticking out. Hell, her muffin top was even showing itself too. Proudly showcasing itself all like; sup bitches I am here.

It was quite disheartening in her opinion.

“No. I don’t think so.” Lance’s tone was firm as his free hand crept up and slipped into the fabric of her mint sweater, sneaking in between her bra and roughly grabbing her breast, rolling the gold bars that went across her nipples in his hand.

A small whimper filled the empty room.

“We’re— we’re in public, Lance!” Nera’s hiss didn’t deter him from his mission. Far from it.

“Then you’d better keep your voice down,” Lance’s clap back made her silently glare at him. Not that he really cared. He didn’t. He never had been, nor would he ever be that type of person. Ever.

Shoving three thick fingers inside of her, a low squishing noise filled the room. Nera bit on her tongue, so she could resist the urge to whimper out loud.

“Would you look at that, bunny. Look how wet you are for me. Didn’t know you needed Daddy all that badly.” Lance’s crooning made her flush. Like she was just some awkward teenage girl who was having sex for the first time.

She never usually felt like a blushing virgin, but she felt like it this time.

“Daddy,” the title fell from her lips in a breathless tone as she begged. She even wiggled her ass against him, sucking his fingers deeper into her pussy.

“Needy little bunny. Dripping all over Daddy’s fingers so nicely.” Lance hummed as he slowly pushed his fingers out, watching with a pleased, satisfied look as Nera tried to control herself. He saw the expression on her face change as she chewed on her lip, nearly biting it as her eyes were pleading with him.

“Gotta use your words, bunny. You’re a smart bunny. Tell Daddy what you want.” The gruffness in his voice made the fire that was burning in her belly burn all that much brighter. Hotter. Deeper.

Never had she ever felt this humiliated by him in her entire life. Ever! It was a nuisance! Wordlessly, maybe even, she desperately tried to roll her hips down to create some friction. Anything.

A deep little whimper of frustration came from his little bunny when he pushed more of his body weight onto her, trapping her. Keeping her there.

“No. Don’t move.” His voice was low and the undertone of his voice threatened punishment if she ever dared to make any type of movement. From where she was, bent over with him slotting himself on top of her, her eyes found their reflections in the mirror.

For a second, he looked like the terrifying, fearsome crime boss that everyone whispered about. His eyes were cold and calculating as he watched her look at him.

“Be good, bunny. You’re Daddy’s good little bunny, aren’t you?” His words washed over her like honey.

“Yes.” Her voice was meek. Small.

“Yes, Daddy.”

She heard him crooning. Cooing about what a good bunny she was.

“That’s my good bunny. You’re such an obedient bunny.” His praise made her clench her thighs together. Nearly shuddering, as if she was burned.

When he started to move his fingers in and out of her weeping core, she wasn’t ready. She had not been prepared for the wet, sucking noises. That feeling of her cum just oozing out of her and coating his fingers, making them all slippery. All the while his thumb had found her clit, and he was rubbing it like it was going out of style.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—”

She was gasping. Or was she mewling? She really didn’t know. Although she did try and keep her voice down, all the while she realized that yes, she was still struggling with keeping her voice down then—

Three fingers shoved themselves into her mouth, silencing her breathy noises of pleasure.

She might have choked a little.

“Needy bunny,” Lance was mocking her. “Can’t even follow simple instructions, can you? How you can take Daddy’s cock in every one of your slutty holes when you can’t even shut that pretty little mouth of yours?”

All he got in response was a muffled, yet slightly gurgled noise. It distinctively sounded like a muffled moan of protest.

However, it did not skirt him off of his current mission.

It truly did not.

Wet, pumping noises continued to squelch out of her as his fingers pumped in and out in earnest. Nera was clearly struggling, as Lance could see through the mirror’s reflection as her eyes brimmed with tears, the feeling of her drool dripping down his fingers, but he didn’t give two shits.

Continuing with his torturous ministrations, his thumb rubbed against her clit every time his fingers managed to find her g-spot. With one last thrust, he curled fingers right up against the spongy spot, making her eyes roll back in pleasure.

Pleasure erupted in her belly as she barely realized her climax. Her thighs shook and trembled tremulously, her entire body shuddering and shaking. The barely acknowledged wet, sucking noises of Lance prolonging her orgasm hardly reached her ears as he helped her ride it out.

Even when he took his fingers out of her and put them in his mouth to taste, she was still shaking. Trembling. Quaking in her boots, as the young Maggie Townsend would say.

"There you go, bunny. Now you're being the best little bunny."

Drool dripped down the corners of her mouth as Nera was reduced to a blabbing, drooling mess. Taking his fingers out of his mouth, he licked his lips before he leaned in towards her ear.

"What do we say to Daddy, sweet thing?" Lance crooned in her ear.

"Thank you, Daddy." was all Nera managed to mumble shyly. Lance pressed a soft kiss against her sweaty forehead.

"You're welcome, bunny." His praise made her thighs clench again. Surveying her in the black dress with a raised eyebrow, he hummed. “It looks good on you, bunny. Let’s buy that.”

“This one?” Nera managed to stutter in shock. She finally turned back to him, a complete look of surprise overwriting her features.

There was his bunny.

“Uh-huh,” he nodded. “It’s ruined!” Nera’s shrill clap back made him smirk. “Okay? And?” Was his counter.

Hastily wiping her mouth with a tissue she got out of her purse, Nera glared at him. It was cute. There she was, the light of his life, his treasure, his little wife, his bunny— in her five-foot-one chubby stature glaring at him. As if he was going to be intimidated. As if she really thought he could make her comply with his wishes.

He could.

But it was cute that she was putting in the effort.

“Don’t worry bunny, I’ll get one in your size. Change. I’ll meet you up at the cashier.”

After Nera had gotten dressed, she met up with Lance who was already standing at the cashier. She put the black dress, along with some other clothes that had been in the good to buy pile down.

The beeping sounds of your clothes being scanned through the scanner were all she heard. As the price grew more expensive with every beep, Nera started to chew on her bottom lip in nervousness.

“Okay, your total will be—“

“Wait. I forgot to add one.”

Lance threw in the ruined dress. Nera swore she never wanted the ground to swallow her whole than in this moment.

“A-Alright then,” Lance saw the stylist chuckle, probably out of surprise. With one final beep, the total flashed onto the screen.

Once they finished getting the clothes, Nera finally stepped out into the open air, deeply inhaling.

Lance came next to her, absolutely wearing the proudest smirk on his face. Like the damn little shit that he was.

“Come on, bunny. You didn’t think we’d stop at just Dior, did you?”

Later that night…

If Nera was going to be honest with herself, she had no fucking idea what time it was.

Did she know that the sun had gone down?

Yup.

Did she know if she had managed to eat dinner?

… Somewhat.

But what she did know was that she was draped over the kitchen counter in the luxurious apartment that she shared with Lance. Bent over all the way till her feet dangled, her elbows were on the counter as Lance was pounding her ass like it was his last day on this godforsaken green earth.

Really, what had her life come to at this point?

Hell if she fucking knew.

She probably couldn’t remember what her name was at this point. Forget knowing how to write it. Ancestors help her if she even remembered her Hmong name at this point either. She just knew deep in her gut that was currently getting rearranged that she would probably not be walking solidly for the next couple of days.

Weeks, maybe? Maybe one week? Or two?

Who knew, and who really fucking cared.

Nera was gasping. Crying out. Becoming a blabbering mess, because not only was Lance going to fucking town on her ass, this little fucker also had a hand in her slopping mess of a pussy, rubbing circle after circle on her abused clit.

She was totally going to go to the spa after this. She deserved to have her back massaged and turned into a slinky before she delved into joys of the flesh with her husband for the next three months.

The marbled countertop felt cool against her body, and her nipple piercings were pressed down too.

Oh yeah.

She was heading to the fucking spa after this shit.

Feeling his sweat mix with hers, Nera grunted and her eyes rolled into the back of her head when the piercing on the head of his cock hit her g-spot just right. It was like scratching that particularly good itch.

And with that, she was suddenly coming. White exploded in her vision, and a ringing echoed in her ears as her orgasm overtook her. Nera’s body jerked and twisted, a euphoric feeling flooding her veins. Lance groaned, even grunted against the side of her neck as his body inwardly shuddered at the feeling of being able to feel his wife’s orgasm. Her pussy still was clamped down on his erection, but it was still throbbing. His teeth nearly sank into her neck when his balls tightened, expelling all of his cum inside of her. Emptying until he had nothing else to give, whatever he had put in her ass leaked out of her pussy and was trickling down her legs.

For a couple of moments, all they did was try and catch their breath.

“Fuck’s sake…” breathed Nera as her vision finally stopped spinning. Catching her breath, she deeply inhaled and exhaled. To her surprise, when she got off of the counter, her legs were still in working order.

Just when they had got their clothes back on, there was frantic banging on the door.

The front door.

“Are one of your dudes coming by?” Nera was bewildered. “No,” replied Lance, suddenly looking confused. Her feet smack smacking against the hardwood floors, the Hmong woman made her way to the front door.

Flipping the locks, the door swung open.

“Oh thank freaking God!” A young, Hmong woman cried out. She looked panicked. “I had to run around town asking for your address! Thank goodness Gina gave me your address before he caught onto me.”

Nera looked gobsmacked.

“What are you talking about?” Was all she managed to say. Pulling her cousin by her arm, Lance watched in utter confusion as Nera tugged the brunette woman inside. Poking her head out, she looked both ways before slamming the door shut. Making sure to lock the top and bottom, her voice rang out.

“Lance, can you get my cousin a bottle of water?’

Looking like he had been slapped back to reality, Lance made a beeline to the pantry to get the bottle of water. Nera’s cousin took off her comfy converses at the door, led to the couch by her older cousin.

“What brings you to Seattle?” Nera asked kindly. Trying to desperately ignore the combined semen and arousal that was trailing down her thighs.

“I moved here recently. Six months ago, for my new job. I work at a tech company,” her cousin explained. Nodding along, her cousin continued to speak her tale. “But a month ago, I was set up on this blind date with this dude. He said he worked at the Defense Attorney's Office or something?”

There was a loud crash in the pantry. Both women turned to find the source of the noise.

“Sorry! That was an accident!” Lance’s voice shouted out.

“Anyway…” her cousin had an awkward look on her face. “It was okay. Dinner, I mean. It was okay. But then he… started acting all weird. Like a total weirdo. He asked me if I knew you, and then when I told him you were my cousin, he flipped out on me. Then, and then, I found out the asshole was pleasuring himself under the table. So I threw my tea in his face and now I’m forever banned from that restaurant,” your cousin sighed mournfully.

Nera’s face had gone white as a sheet.

“Nera? Hey, are you okay?” her cousin’s voice had tuned out to become white noise as a ringing noise echoed in her ears.

“Fuck… fuck… fuck…” were the only words she could utter, a look of pure horror on her face.

“Nera?” Her cousin tried again. Lance had gotten out of the pantry, a murderous look on his face as he tossed the water bottle in her cousin’s direction. Thanks to her quick reflexes, she caught it pretty easily. But she was still concerned for her older cousin. “Nera? Are you okay? Do you need water, or…”

Nera quickly grabbed her cousin by the shoulders, forcing her to look into her eyes. “The douche canoe’s name. What was his name?”

Her cousin’s face dropped to a scowl.

Then, she uttered the name that Nera loathed in every bone in her body.

“That dude you had a blind date with, that was unfortunately the ex douche canoe. And I don’t think he’s done shitting on my life. I think I’m going to need to go to war.”

Taglist: @bxnnywriting, @greeneyedblondie44, @hawsx3, @sunflowerfive

Random Tags: @buckysswinter, @turbolisedcomet

[simpurnatural]

SFW Alphabet - Jack Manifold Edition

request: fluff alphabet with jack manifold ?

Jack Manifold x Reader

Warning ⚠️: Probably a swear word or two :)

Any writing errors? Point them out! Love some helpful feedback! <3

REQUESTS ARE OPEN LUVS <3

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Jack’s love language(s) is probably quality time and physical touch. He’s not one for PDA but he will hold and kiss your hand, kiss your cheek, and all the gentlemen type things.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’s the chaotic friend that laughs at everything. The friendship would’ve started when you guys both in English at college. You thought he was funny and he thought that you were a dork so you guys clicked instantly.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Oh most definitely, Jack makes sure to get his daily hugs and cuddles in from anyone who is willing to give them to him.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Eventually yes, but barely being eighteen  he won’t be thinking about settling down with a family anytime soon. Lad can pour himself a pint but has probably burned water at least more than once. He’s a tidy man though, cleans after himself and makes sure to not leave any messes.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d stutter a bit but he’d eventually get to the point while holding your hand like:

“Listen, I don’t think this’ll work out.” 

But then he’d read your emotions wrong and start blabbering his ass off like:

“Well no- But yeah you’re a g-great person just not for me? But I assure you that there a plenty of fish in the sea! Wait- but not like actual fish that would-”

“-Jack, I get it.”

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

If and when he asks you to marry him, he knows he’s in it to win it and will be by your side till the end. He doesn’t think about getting married (in general) anytime soon since he’s still got a whole of adulting ahead of him. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Jack is a very gentle whether it’s in the way he holds you or in the way he speaks to you. He also is open to sharing how he feels about most things and is always ready to listen when you need him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He LOVES hugs, especially if they’re from you. He turns those two second hugs into a cuddle session if there’s time for it. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He doesn’t say it too early in the relationship but it does come out when you both least expect it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He doesn’t get jealous easily but he’s a sarcastic little shit that scoffs whenever you try to ask.

“Is Jack Manifold jealous because of the guy from ASDA?” you tease.

“As if,”

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He usually kisses your cheek, hand, and or forehead the most. His kisses are always out of love and so soft. He likes being kissed on the cheek or the lips.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He's fine with kids but you know damn well that if he saw one trip over themselves then he’d be on the floor cackling. He knows how to properly hold a baby so that’s somethinf. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He’d bring you a cup of tea in the morning with some jammie dodgers and enjoy laying in bed with you hours on end. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

You guys will literally watch anything whether it’s on youtube, netflix, hulu WHATEVER while laying in bed. He’d have a arm around your waist while you lay head on his chest. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Jack will literally talk about anything (but not in a self-absorbed way) if you’re willing to listen. He won’t blabber his whole life story but you get to learn something new about him everyday. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s very patient and rarely almost never raises his voice. Jack is a really chill and laid back lad.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?

He usually remembers most things but not everything.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite memory is when he asked you to be his girlfriend. He was a stuttering mess but you said 

“Oh get on with it Manifold!” “Or will I have to ask you myself?”

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He knows that you can hold your own but he knows when to step in. He’d probably speak for you if he sees that you were scared or at a lose of words. He likes knowing that his bff or s/o will kick someone’s ass if they try anything.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Depending on how you guys plan them. He can rock a suit yet build a pretty neat pillow fort. His gifts are you unique but always something that you’ve mentioned before. He’s good with everyday tasks like washing the dishes and doing the laundry.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

I hate to point it out but he bites his nails a bit. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not too concerned, he’s well aware that he’s a handsome fella.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yep. He’s the type to send you random texts/pics through-out the day saying miss you or can’t wait to see you soon.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

You guys play music regularly in your flat so jack tends to ask you to dance with him every now and then.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn’t like a partner who won’t put in the effort to communicate properly with him or keeps their stuff tidy and organized.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He tends to sleep on his side, holding you close to his chest.

shoutout to @the-coldest-goodbye for the template <3

[hobbitsnapes]

the elf in the café chapter 3

A corpse husband story

(I do not own this photo, nor do I know where it originated from. All credit goes to the artist.)

Summary: Never in his life, did he think going to a cafe and meeting a Harry Potter nerd could change his life. (I’m shit at summaries)

A/N: H/N means his name, being that we don’t know what his actual name is currently.

Each day passes by, and neither couldn’t stop texting one another. They’d text at least once a day, whether it be how their day had been, or trying to plan a day to see one another again. Their sleeping schedule was quite similar, but with her waking up early each morning for class. But he’d still get texts from her in the middle of the night, how she managed to do her schoolwork on such little sleep was beyond him.

She chalked it up to having done this for so many years, that she grew used to staying up late at night only to wake early in the morning.

They had finally set a day for the date, the coming Saturday. Nerves wracked him each day it grew closer, but excitement filled him further. He hadn’t felt this excited to have someone over, honestly since David had come by. Since then, he’s had little to nobody come over. Let alone having a date come. Each day that grew closer, the happier he became to seeing her again.

Panic filled him as he scrambled to get the rest of the ingredients ready to throw in the pot. He had decided on trying to make menestra de verduras, a soup he remembered having as a child. He however completely forgot how difficult the dish was to make, when you had never made it and have little to no culinary skills.

A knock was heard at the door, causing him to drop the spoon he had in his hand, splattering sauce all over the floor. “Fuck!” He exclaimed, grabbing his apron and hastily taking it off, wiping away the mess. He ran over to the door, stopping and checking in the mirror to make sure he hadn’t got any on himself. Once he saw there was none, he ran to open the door.

She waited at the door of the apartment, slightly fidgeting with her jacket. She heard a muffled yell,her heart rate increasing.

She waited for about a minute,growing concerned she had red the text wrong and got the wrong apartment.

That was until the door was hastily opened, spotting him in the doorway. He had a smile on his face, his hair slightly pushed back out of his face. Her breath hitched when she saw him, taking notice of his attire. Black pants that were pulled over a dark grey dress shirt, with the sleeves cuffed to about his mid arm. It was a slightly fitted top, showing his toned torso and arms nicely. “Hi.” He chuckled out, sounding slightly out of breath.

He pulled her into a hug,inhaling his smell almost instantly. The smell of pine hitting her nose, making her smile. His warm arms envelope her so comfortably, masking the chill of the night air from her.

They pulled away slightly, arms still around one another. Their faces were close, berry feeling each other’s breathing fan across their faces. They both smiled, growing warmth in the face from the close proximity.

He let her inside, telling her to have a seat on his couch.

He ran back over to the kitchen, ready to chop up a few more of the vegetables. He kept stealing glances at her, his breath catching each time.

He knew from the second he saw her she was beautiful, but tonight, she was breathtaking.

A soft tan floral top was tucked into a black pleated skirt, that hit right above her knee. It sit right at her waist, giving her a very romantic vintage feel. Her legs were covered by flesh colored nylons, black ballet flats covered her feet. Her hair was slightly curled, framing her face perfectly. Her face looked almost bare, but her eyes sparkled as if she had gems in them. Her cheeks were dusted with a soft flush, with the rest of her skin glowing, as if she was being lit with candle light. The only truly noticeable makeup was her lips, painted in a soft, rose red color. Making them look like a freshly budded flower.

Panic sets in him as he rushes to cut the rest of the remaining vegetables, anxiety growing with the sound of the soup boiling. “Fuuckk.” He whispers to himself, seeing the soup burning. He scrambled to shut the burner off, trying his hardest to try and figure out how to salvage the dinner. He should’ve chose something easier, something that he wouldn’t fuck up and ruin the entire night. God why did he even bother trying to-“Hey what’s going on? Everything alright?” She asks, making his heart plummet into his chest. He feels her hand on his shoulder, knowing she can feel him shaking. “Uh-m. Yeah yeah it’s fine, I just kinda burnt the entire thing.” He stammers, giving up on trying to steady his voice. His hands tangle into his hair, pulling the long strands. He wishes he could just disappear, get away from the sheer embarrassment of the situation. “Here let me see.” She says, slightly moving beside him to look at the now ruined soup. Her face slightly falling, dread filling him. She looks up at him, no trace of anger or annoyance in her face. “Here, why don’t I make something tonight? Is that okay?” She asks, her voice smooth and calming. “Uh, sure. I’m so sorry.” “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, now, I have an idea of something I can whip up.” His heart slightly calms down at her words, no longer worrying about ruining the entire night. “Alright, I’m gonna need milk, flour, pees and some kind of fish. Salmon is best for this.” She says, walking over and opening some of the food cupboards. He runs to grab the supplies, knowing he has all of those.

In less than 30 minutes, dinner was plated and ready. He watched her in amazement as she whizzed around the room, effortlessly making the entire dinner like it was second nature. Not once did he see any panic, or rush in her. It’s like she had done this for forever, knowing exactly what to do so easily.

They both sat on the couch, pulling the table closer for them. He let out a small moan at the taste, a smile on his face as he ate. It was shockingly amazing, way better than the disaster he was gonna make for them both. “This is amazing.” He says, causing a smile on her face. “Thanks, it’s an old recipe that I’ve made countless times over the years.” She chuckled, watching as he eats smiling. “Where'd you learn it?” He asks. “It’s a really common recipe in New England, that’s actually where I’m from. I grew up primarily in both New Hampshire and Vermont.” “Wow, so then what made you come to San Diego?” He asks,watching as she let out a small sigh. “School mostly, and to get away from, some people.” He can hear the sadness in her voice, his heart panging slightly.

“That was so amazing, thank you.” He says, watching as she chuckles as she dried the bowls. “You’ve said that like 4 times tonight.” “And I’m gonna keep saying it cause it was amazing.” He laughs, causing her to throw her head back in laughter.

They both settle in on the couch, sitting beside one another. “Uh, I don’t really watch TV, so we’ve really only got my laptop to watch stuff. Is that okay?” He asks, looking over at her. “That’s perfectly fine cause I don’t watch TV either.” She laughs.

“Alright so I’ve got Netflix, Hulu, and prime. What’s something you’d like?” He asks, setting his laptop up in front of them. “Uh, are you into horror movies?” She asks. “I like them.” He chuckles. “Okay so do you wanna watch a classic, hack and slash, paranormal, or psychological?” Age asks, a smile on her face. “Whatever you like, I’m fine with anything you’d want.” He asks, a smirk on his face. He watched as she flushed, smiling at her. “Psychological it is then.”

“That was, what?” He asks, watching as the credits roll. They had gotten closer throughout the movie, no longer with a small bit of space between them like they started. Their legs and sides touched, facing the laptop. His arm later behind her, after a while of toying with the idea and barely moving his arm, he finally built up the courage and placed his hand over her shoulder, letting out a breath when she smiled and scooted closer to him. Letting him put his arm over her. Both of their faces flushed.

“Did you not like it?” She asks, looking up at him. “No i did, it just was kinda weird. What was the name of it again?” “The school. It’s one of my favorites because of how different it is. And you gotta remember, I’m in school to become a Behavioral psychologist. It’s in my nature to like these kinda movies.” “Hm, at least there’s one smart one here.” He chuckles, pulling her in closer. “You’re a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for.” She chuckles. “Oh yeah, how can you tell?” He asks, looking down at her. She looks at him with her eyebrows raised, a small smirk on her face. “Oh yeah.” He laughs, realization setting in. Causing both of them to laugh.

“So now, do you need a PHD to become a psychologist?” “In the state of California, yes. You also need 3,000 hours of supervised experience, 1,500 which can be pre-doctoral. I started college when I was 17, completing my bachelors when I was 20. Now I’ve only got about 5 more years until I’m finished with my PhD which is another word for a Doctorate.” “Well damn, miss smarty pants. Got everything don’t ya.” He says, making her look at him in question. “Got not only brains but beauty.” He says, making her flush and shove her head into his chest, causing him to laugh as he pulls her in further.

They both sat on the couch with another movie playing, neither one paying any attention to it. They both had opened a bottle of wine he had for some time, deciding to have a glass. He had it for years, always saying he’ll leave it for a special occasion. Well tonight seemed like the perfect night for it.

Neither were drunk or even tipsy, maybe a slight buzz. But it did help to wash away any small ounce of awkwardness between them. He slightly opened up more, cracking jokes with ease and making her laugh so hard she had to use the bathroom 3 times.

“And the movies over. I can’t even remember what it was.” He laughs, watching as the credits finish. “I honestly don’t even think we picked anything. I think we just clicked on it and used it for background noise.” She laughed. “Well then, what do you wanna do?” He asks, arms folded comfortably over himself, the same smirk planted on his face. “Well, there is something I love doing.” She says, a smile on her face.

Both laughed out loudly as they moved around the room, arms around one another as they tried keeping up with the song. They tried keeping in beat with the song playing in the beginning, but giving up halfway through.

He has been leading it for the most part, having loved dancing for years. But not doing it in years, and having a good buzz on him, made his moves a little worse than he remembered. But neither cared as they moved around the room, laughing as they sang along to the song. The song came to an end, both stoping with their movements momentarily. “Wait, I know the perfect one.” He says, running over to the laptop. He types in something, then runs down the hall out of the living room. She wondered if he’s lost his mind and ran off. That is until she hears the beginning of the song, letting out a laugh. “Just take those old records off the shelf!” He sings, sliding across the floor in his socks, making her clutch her stomach in laughter as he recreates the scene perfectly. Using a hairbrush as the makeshift microphone. He breaks after a few lines, falling over laughing. She runs over to him, bending down to see if he’s okay. She can’t help but fall over laughing with him, him pulling her in closer as they both wheeze out laughing on the floor.

“That was, oh my god.” He laughs, barely able to catch his breath from his laughter as they sit down. They danced for another hour, barely able to contain their laughter as tears fell down their faces. “God I haven’t had that much fun in, I can’t even remember.” She laughs, her head resting on his shoulder.

She lets out a small yawn, trying to cover it with her hand. “It’s getting pretty late.” He says, his voice hoarse due to laughter. “Yeah it is, but, there’s something I’ve been waiting for all week.” She says, making him look at her in question. Until he remembers, a smile breaking on his face. “Oh yeah I forgot, you still want me to say batman or snape lines.” He chuckles. She sits up, her eyes wide as she smiles. He can’t help but smile at the excitement on her face. “Alright fine. But you better feel lucky, I’ve had so many people ask me this and I’ve refused for forever.” “Well that’s not the only reason why I’m lucky.” She says, making him flush. “Alright, I’m guessing you want me to say the obvious one.” He says, making her nod her head in excitement. He lets out a small cough, taking in a breath. “I’m Batman.” He says in his most serious voice. Making both throw their heads back in laughter. “That was, that was perfect hun.” She laughs, her face falling in realization when she realized what she said. Her heart plummets to the bottom of her stomach. “Hey it’s okay, I kinda like it.” He chuckles.

“Okay what’s another one you want?” “Hm, how about your best snape you can.” She asks. He coughs again, reading his voice. “Mister Potter.” He says, trying his best to try and emulate the potion Professor. Making her laugh at his struggle to match the accent. “That one was really bad.” He chuckles. “No it wasn’t, tire doing such a good job.” She laughs. “You’ve got the perfect voice for both, although I do prefer your own voice over each of them.” She says, a flush to her face. “Oh yeah?” He asks, changing his voice slightly to have a more flirty tone. He watched as she flushed harder, trying to cover her face in her hands. “So you like when I talk like this?” He asks, the same tone but with a smirk on his face. He chuckles as she completely covers her face in her palms, shaking her head yes. “Then I’ve got one that you’ll really like. Come here.” He says, pulling her into his side. He looks down at her, watching as she removes her face from her hands. He has a smile on his face as he looks at her. “What up baby?” He says, making her slightly squeal out and bury her face in his chest. Making him laugh as she burrows her head into him. Wrapping his arms around her as he shakes from laughter.

“Tonight was amazing, thank you so much.” She says. Both of their arms around one another as they stand at the door.

It was extremely late at night, neither realizing how late it was until they checked the time. Neither wanted to leave, wishing they could stay in the small bubble they created that night. “Are you sure you can drive home? I can call a cab or an Uber-“ “I’m fine hun, it’s been hours and I only had a glass and a half of wine. I’ll make it home safely. Trust me, I’m really careful.” She says, a hand resting on his cheek. He can’t help but smile at her, wishing so bad to pull her back inside and having her stay. “Alright, text me or even call me when you can.” “I’ll call you when I get home okay? Now get some sleep, I can tell this past week it’s a habit of yours not to get much.” “How did you, oh wait I forgot again. Damnit.” He laughs, making her chuckle. “Yeah, can’t fool someone like me.” She teases. “Alright fine, but I’ll be waiting for that call before I even lay down.” He says, making her smile. He pulls her in for another hug, his heart beating out of his chest when he feels her soft lips press a kiss into the side of his jaw.

She pulls away with a smile, watching as his face flushes a deep red with a dumbfounded smile on his face. “Bye hun.” She says, walking away from the door, his eyes watching her until she’s out of sight. His fingers lightly touching the spot from her lips, pulling them back and seeing the small bit of red on his fingers. He runs over to his bathroom, looking in the mirror and seeing the mark of her lips on his jaw, a smile grows on his face.

He sits in his bed with his phone in his hands, checking the time every few seconds. Anxiety builds in him the longer the time goes by, only growing stronger the longer he waits. What if she didn’t make it back? Is she okay? Oh god he should’ve just asked her to stay, what if something hap-his thoughts were interrupted when his phone rings, her contact shining on the screen. Relief fills him as he answers the phone, a large breath leaving him. “Hey I’m sorry it took so long. It usually doesn’t take more than 20 minutes but there was a good amount of traffic in my way.” She says, he can hear her as she exits her car and walk up to her door. He can hear as she unlocks her door, hearing as she walks in. Her flats tap lightly against her hard floor, the sound comforting him. “Hey it’s alright, I’m just glad you made it home safely.” “You don’t have to worry about that, I’m a really, careful driver.” He lays his head down on his pillows, his eyes growing heavy. “Good, thank you for calling me. You really didn’t have to.” “But I wanted to, I knew that you’d be worrying if I made it back home safely.” He chuckles at this. “God you can really read me.” “Well I mean you do let me.” She chuckles, making him smile. “I guess I do.” He says, his voice lowering in volume due to his tiredness. “Why don’t you sleep? I can hear how tired you are.” She says, her voice calming hun further. “Alright, I’ll get some sleep. Thank you again.” “It’s no problem hun, why don’t you call me when you’re up okay? I don’t have classes tomorrow.” “Alright, I’ll call you in the morning, I hope you had a good night tonight.” He says, hearing her chuckle. “I did, have a good night hun, sweet dreams.”

[pugzman3]

My level of thinking may differ in some respects. I watched every minute of the Chauvin trial. He was kneeling on George Floyds neck. In videos it was apparent that that was happening. On the subject of 1st amendment rights in the private sector you are wrong. The Framer's of the Constitution would not have imagined our current situation but, it does say the there is a difference between Private and Government as far as 1st amendment rights. An employer or a private platform does not have to abide by the 1st amendment. The Government sector however does. A little research tells one this and in my case, a friend who is a lawyer. " The First Amendment does not limit private employers. The Bill of Rights and the First Amendment limit only Government Actors. This means that private employers can restrict speech in the workplace without running afoul of the First Amendment" The same goes for Private platforms such as Twitter and Facebook. One example of Trump's lies is that he told the public that this virus wasn't as bad as it was early on. The taped interview for Woodward's book has him stating otherwise. Taped interview!

So I am guessing that you are the same person that keeps sending the anonymous ASKs because you are actually speaking and not being childish like the other attention seekers, and again, I greatly appreciate the maturity. So here is the deal, if you want to have a conversation, let's go. I would say DM me here...but tumblr has disabled my ability to send and read DM's, which by your logic they have the "right" right to do. Freedom of speech for some, not so much the others. So, my IG is pugzmantothethird, I can chat there, unless you are going to come with some third grade media blinded argument. If that is the case I have some suggestions for you, so stay tuned.

since you want to bring up chauvin again and the trial you watched, then I guess you saw the police chief admit that the knee was on the neck the whole time. I guess you saw the witness plead the fifth because he knew his answers would be danming for the prosecution. Or maybe hulu blocked that info, I don't know. Regardless here is the deal. if you think that was a "case" of "police brutality", you are wasting my (and your) time. Floyd was going to die that day. That was the plan. It was a FF organized and executed to trigger anger and division among the masses, bring in more socialistic controls, discredit cops and encourage the defunding of police across the country, and millions fell for it. Both Pelosi and his GF called him a sacrifice. Don't believe in FF's or that the gov is ran by luciferians that would do something like that? check this out, from April 19th to the beginning of may is a big season of worship in their calander that calls for sacrifices. What did we see almost every day during those days? and what have we NOT seen since the beginning of May?

the trump lie, man I thought you might come with something better than that but ok. on the surface, again, I will assume you have never served or worked in a manner where you had to keep a secret or play down something to keep people calm, I have. you saw what people did with toilet paper right? on the surface again, you fell for the media doing any and everything they can to try and discredit him, and cover the fact that time after time they get proven as failures as journalists. Go learn about Operation Mockingbird and know that yes, it is still happening. The media is slowly being exposed as propagandists for the deep state, and they know it.

The 1st A, I think we were somewhat saying the same thing, except for private businesses. I said that we are protected under it and officials are to protect those rights. yes, like you said, it protects us from the gov, which to me I was implying that from "everyone" i meant especially from the gov. But again, you are looking at the surface argument that is being presented by the media, and you showed that when you said trump was "whining" about being censored, and you try to say "Founding fathers couldn't have foreseen that". quick smackdown on that, pretty sure the majority of business back in 1776 were privately owned business so yeah they had something to site in on. But that is third grade shit. The bigger picture is that the traps have been set for big tech and they are in the teeth now. You think it was just about "censorship" when their plan was much bigger. Go study Joseph Goebbels and his tactics as Minister of Propaganda under Hitler. Open your eyes and you will see the exact same game being played right now. This is what they do not want you to see, and this is why the media is trying to run distraction. They want you small minded and short sighted because they want you to believe they are on "your side" right now. But it will not stop there and in the end, no one will be safe.

As for the suggestions, if you want to talk, I am up for it. But come out from behind the anonymous because I sure as hell am not going to report you or whatever you are afraid of. Worst case scenario, we disagree and go about our business. Best case scenario, you get freed from the matrix. But before you come with that surface bs argument, maybe just sit back quiet for a bit, open your eyes, forget EVERYTHING you thought was real, drop your biases, and watch. Some one brought you to this Great awakening fOr a reason my frienD.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: SPENCER

So I finally got around to watching this trash for free since it’s on Hulu now and I still feel like I spent too much on it because it wasted a good 2 hours of my life!!! If you like super pretentious snoozefests, pearls, FASHION, lesbians, haunted mansions, mean staff, ghosts, scarecrows, pheasants, paparazzi, and actual barfing this movie might just be for you. Otherwise: congratulations - I watched this so you’ll never have to! But how are the wigs? Let’s discuss.

We begin with the image of a dead pheasant in the road which will later come to represent Princess Diana and already the pretentious imagery of this movie is eyeroll inducing. It’s Christmas Eve 1991 and Di is driving to some castle WITH THE TOP DOWN AND NO WINTER COAT! If this doesn’t already tip you off that Diana might have some mental health issues....BUCKLE UP. 

I don’t like Kristen Stewart but honestly she is the least offensive part of this movie? Her accent is fine. Her wig is ghastly. From the get-go, my mother WAS VERY UPSET about this wig because it’s not as full or thick as Di’s actual hair and that is a legit complaint. Anyway, Di is lost both emotionally and literally and ends up in some truck stop to ask directions to the castle but no one helps her because she’s famous. POOR DI!

She realizes that she’s actually kinda near where she grew up and despite having no clue where she is, can spot a coat on a scarecrow from an entire field away and identify it as her father’s old sport jacket. SHE THEN PROCEEDS TO GO GET THE COAT OFF THE SCARECROW AND TAKE IT TO THE CASTLE. This movie seems to want to portray Di as legitimately deranged and this bent ass wig isn’t helping.

Anyway, hours or possibly days (?) later, she finally drives herself and her scarecrow coat to the castle where she is greeted by rude butler (???) Timothy Spall who has completely deflated, I assume because this movie is actually life draining. In any case, he makes her weigh herself before going to her drafty room which apparently is an actual royal Christmas practice of the damned. Also apparently Timothy Spall’s character isn’t a real person and basically none of this movie is based on actual facts beyond this royal scales shit. 

NO ONE TOLD ME SALLY FUCKING HAWKINS IS IN THIS MOVIE! I love Sally Hawkins. I love that she seems to be the only person involved in this movie who realizes it is trash. I love that she is basically playing Edith Head (????) and is Di’s only friend/kind staff member who is tasked with all of Di’s FASHION and also tailoring her outfits to accommodate Di’s shrinking body due to bulimia. THERE IS SO MUCH BARFING IN THIS MOVIE YOU GUYS AND NOT JUST BY ME WATCHING IT. 

Things at dinner are not great! NO ONE LIKES DIANA! Also apparently Charles gave Camilla THE SAME DAMN PEARLS (I googled this and that is absolutely not a fact!) Still, the pearls are another stupid metaphor for suffocation and self harm AS IS THE JOHNNY GREENWOOD SCORE which my mom almost wrote an angry letter about because it is so distracting and stifling. 

Also distracting and stifling? The movie itself. ALL OF IT. But also this goddamned wig which is just never feathered or full enough and neither is Di because the pearls break into the soup and she eats them and yes this is a dream and yes she barfs out the pearls and OMG WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MOVIE I HATE IT.

Sometime later, Di confronts Charles about the pearls and their marriage or whatever and it’s all incredibly tedious and boring and no one looks like who they’re supposed to look like.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRINCE CHARLES WHAT. THIS WIG! YOU GUYS!!!! NO! You may recall this dude from another movie my mom is mad at me for making her watch - The Lost Daughter - and his name is Jack Farthing which is basically the most British name ever. He is incredibly boring, also.

Blahblahblah, shit gets even weirder when this wig magically gets shorter and also a completely different haircut and Di confronts the Queen about I dunno...SOMETHING....and I think it was around this point where my mom just decided that she hates Princess Di now because this movie makes her look like a completely insane and selfish asshole (IT IS SEEMINGLY NOT BASED ON ANY FACTS THOUGH?!?!)

AT SOME POINT DI WEARS THIS OUTFIT! I’m sure this is somehow based in something she actually once wore but really: it is so upsetting that it might have given my hives. The mood of this movie is OPRESSION and it delivers that through awful wigs, awful music, awful pearls, awful casting, and AWFUL FASHION. 

THIS WIG IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!! It is constantly shifting in length, texture, and fullness. Also it appears that Timothy Spall is trying to kill (?) or at least gaslight Di by putting a biography of Anne Boleyn in her bedroom which leads to...

THE ACTUAL GHOST OF ANNE BOLEYN. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE. I don’t have a still of it, but at one point, Kristen Stewart is also dressed as Anne Boleyn. Whoever greenlit this idea should reconsider their life choices because it certainly made me reconsider mine in watching this movie at all.

Anyway, after leaving the castle in a full ballgown, Di USES WIRECUTTERS TO BREAK INTO HER OLD HOUSE WHICH IS NOW A HAUNTED MANSION AND ALMOST THROWS HERSELF DOWN THE STAIRS! In case you are wondering if reality has broken off into some other timeline, I did you the favor of googling this and no - Di’s house was never a haunted mansion; the Queen donated it to a charity. LIES!

AND! THEN! In the middle of the night, Di wakes William and Harry (WHO ARE CHILDREN!) up to make them have a candlelit seance where they get to open their Christmas presents which absolutely felt like child abuse and also a scene out of THE OTHERS and I was truly sad for these kids. LET THEM SLEEP!

AND. THEN. SALLY HAWKINS RESURFACES AS A LESBIAN IN LOVE WITH DI. This has no basis in reality and also there is no need for it in this movie AT ALL other than to have this wistful scene in the dunes where this wig has never looked more awful and I cannot believe I’m still watching this movie. 

Whatever motivation Sally Hawkins’ love might have given Di, she decides to interrupt a pheasant hunt whilst identifying herself AS A PHEASANT so that she can leave with her sons (again: this feels very troubling for those kids!) and then puts her outrageous yellow patriot outfit ON THE SCARECROW FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE. THE METAPHORS IN THIS MOVIE ARE SO DUMBFOUNDING THAT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY LOST MY MIND.

But the hits keep coming! In the form of Mike and The Mechanics song “All I Need is a Miracle”, specifically. Di puts the cassette in her convertible (WITH THE TOP DOWN AGAIN IN THE WINTER - I FEAR FOR THESE CHILDREN) while they all bop along to a song that I completely forgot existed and will never get out of my brain now. AND THEN THEY DRIVE TO A LONDON KFC AND DI GIVES HER NAME TO THE CHECKOUT AS “SPENCUHHHHHHHH” AND THIS MOVIE ABSOLUTELY NEEDS TO BE ABANDONED ON A SCARECROW. NO. RUN DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE.

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[fekst-fucker]

Okay but Habit, EJ, Masky, and Hoody with a s/o that loves and follows cartoons! They collect DVD sets and merch, they try to catch the episodes on tv, etc! :DD

Ok listen. I hate those “write about a tv show that impacted you!” bc NO show has had an impact on me EXCEPT for the Amazing World of Gumball. So people are saying shit like “Dexter” “Criminal Minds” “Breaking Bad” n I have to say “ᴬ ᶜᵃʳᵗᵒᵒⁿ ᴺᵉᵗʷᵒʳᵏ ᶜᵃʳᵗᵒᵒⁿ”

Habit

- While supportive of you and your hobbies, he’s also gonna be a dick about it

- Like yeah he’s gonna get the best cable he can so you can watch your shows, he’s gonna just happen to run into merch from the show that he takes and gives to you, and he’s gonna shuts his associates up if they’re over and make an off-handed comment about you watching the show or all the paraphernalia around the house, but he’s also gonna come into the living room while you’re watching your show and go “heh. You’re watching your kid shit again”

- And then accidentally get sucked into watching it. He’s so busy and driven all the time that as soon as he encounters something low energy (like watching tv) he just kinda shuts down

- Like he falls asleep next to you on the couch all the time. It’s gotten to the point where if he’s tired he’ll mumble “put the show on” and just collapse next to you

Eyeless Jack

- Honestly it’s been a long long time since Jack has watched TV. Especially cartoons. Being reminded that he can’t see color bums him out

- He really only interacted with horror movies, maybe scarier cartoons or animated film like Courage the Cowardly Dog or films like Coraline

- And that’s.… not really what you watch. At least, it’s not the defining genre that you watch

- But Jack loves getting you gifts! They’re an easy, sweet way to show love, and you having a super clear hobby is useful to him. He’s a lil oblivious (not his fault!!) so he struggles with picking up hints

- But this is easy for him! He brings you cute little figurines or clothes, and keeps an eye on your collectibles to see what you still need and what you already have

- He doesn’t really watch tv with you. He’s more one to just be in the same space doing something else, like reading or just laying over you. It’s his quality chillax time

Hoodie

- I mean, he collected stuff when he was a kid, and of course he watched stuff on tv, but he was never super invested

- He’s pretty neutral to your tv habits. He doesn’t actively watch anything with you- maybe if there’s a remake of a classic show he’ll pop in for a minute or two- but he’s really not of a cartoon person

- Honestly?? He’s a true crime guy. Syfy and ID are his go-to channels

- Yes, he still has cable tv. Why do all of these guys still live in the early 2000s

- So he makes sure to get you any channels you might need to watch your cartoons (through piracy babey) and also holds up a Netflix and Hulu subscription (also through piracy babey!!!!)

- If you need a Disney plus channel. If you HAVE to have it. He will reluctantly get it for you

- Grumbling the whole time about how stupid it is that they own Hulu and now they needed another streaming platform and why is it seven dollars and they’re gonna raise it anyway

- Why are you complaining dude you don’t pay for any of the services anyway!

- Speaking of he 100% steals the most merch for you. He’s accidentally gotten you doubles and even triples of what you have

Masky

- If this poor man has to watch one more episode of Adventure Time or, like, Regular Show

- Jeff and Ben would leave it on all day long. They wouldn’t even watch it. But as soon as Tim came in to turn it off they’d do the “hEy WhAt ThE hElL wE’Re WaTcHiNg tHaT”

- But he does everything he can to make you happy, so if those kind of shows are your jam, he lets you be. Even if you want him in the room, he’ll stay with you

- He’ll just be doing something else, like reading or going over bills or other paperwork involving… whatever’s going on in the mansion

- He also has headphones in to tune it out, so it’s useless to try and involve him in the jokes on TV. So now you, Jeff, and Ben all have inside jokes, but Tim is so stubborn about not watching “kid’s shows” that he just submits to being out of the loop

- If you want to involve him more with cartoons, you have to show him that it’s not just a kid’s medium. Get him to watch Midnight Gospel or something, it’s not his vibe but it’s a start