#i don’t actually know anything about breaking bad I had to go to the experts (my friend on twitter) for this

[artist-issues]

I’m bored and I really enjoy your opinions on Disney, so I thought you might have something interesting to say to get my brain ticking. I came across a post on Frozen and I was like, “Ah, a perfect starting place for dropping you an ask.” I’ve never really been that bothered by Frozen and I don’t know what it is that I’m just not fond about. Maybe it’s that I dislike the characters? Maybe it’s that they didn’t really have any established rules for the way magic worked in that universe and thus had anything they wanted happening? Maybe it’s the twist villain? I don’t know, it’s probably just the characters that they tried to make so cool and girlboss!

Elsa is made out to be this awesome protagonist that is never in the wrong and that grates me. She has flaws, but the film doesn’t act like they’re flaws. She runs away out of fear and shame for not being able to control her powers, but then two seconds later she’s singing “Let It Go” and making giant ice castles and bringing snowmen to life?! And “Let It Go” is super annoying for the fact that Elsa starts off worried and upset (fair enough, she’s just ran away from her home, her kingdom, her sister whom she hasn’t seen in years, she lost control of her powers) but then immediately turns round and is like, “Actually, it’s not my fault and I’m fine as I am and I don’t need any of those responsibilities!” Which would be fine, but she also finishes the film with the same attitude!

Anna, too! Naive and optimistic and perhaps a little too trusting, she never realises that even if Han hadn’t turned out evil, Elsa had every right to be worried over their marriage. She never realises that it’s partly her fault for revealing Elsa’s powers (and she definitely doesn’t apologise). There’s a lot she doesn’t realise, and the only lesson she takes away from it all is that Christoff loves her instead of Han.

Oh my days, I’ve just realised how ridiculously long this has gotten, super sorry! Have a lovely day!

Let’s do this! For fun!

1. They don't need to establish exhaustive rules for how magic works in their world.

Red Riding Hood doesn't explain how the Big Bad Wolf can talk-it just explains that he can. Cinderella doesn't explain how Fairy Godmothers work, or why the spell should only last until midnight—it just explains that she casts one, and it does only last until midnight. Beauty & the Beast does not explain how, after The Beast has died, the "breaking of the curse" could bring him back to life. After Belle confesses her love, he should just go from dead beast to dead human, for all the explanation they give.

Beauty & the Beast also famously refuses to explain (explicitly) why all of the household were cursed, along with the castle and the Prince. But what it does explain is, "there's a curse, it was put in place because of a defect in the Prince's character, and there's a time limit on it's ability to be removed, which can only happen if the defect in his character is overcome."

The whole point of having magic in the story is just as a tool...to create a plot. You don't have to explain everything; you just have to explain what will affect the characters. So, Frozen says, very plainly in the beginning: "you can either be born with magical powers or cursed with them in this world, and trolls are the experts on how magical powers work. The way Elsa's specific magical powers work is, they're beautiful, but powerful, and they're tied to her emotions. Therefore, if her negative emotions control her, her negative emotions control those powers. Also, if you're struck with magical powers in the head, the effects can be removed with memory alteration. If you're struck with magical powers in the heart, the effects can only be removed by an act of True Love.

Also, here's an explanation of what counts as 'True Love." They actually do way more explaining than the average fairy tale. And they set you up really nicely to receive that explanation by having the opening scene be a song that describes Ice Magic as “beautiful/powerful/dangerous/cold/ice has a magic can't be controlled.” Etc.

If you were wondering what limits there are on Elsa's powers, and whether or not she can just make anything out of ice, and how it's possible for her to bring inanimate snow to life

—well, you're focusing on the wrong things for this kind of story.

It's not that important for a fairy tale like this one. In a superhero story, limitations on powers would be important. Because the point of a superhero story is, "how am I going to take selfless responsibility for what I'm able to do?" And if you don't know the boundaries on "what I'm able to do," then you can't communicate that point clearly. That's why we need to know that Superman can see through just about everything, but not lead. That's why you need to know that Elastigirl can't stretch in the cold. You can't know how to take responsibility for your abilities if you don't know what they are and are not.

But Elsa? The point of Elsa having powers is not as a metaphor for her unique skills. That's what it would be in a superhero movie.

Like, in superhero movies, Spidey's ability to stick to walls is supposed to be a reference to like, your ability to...l don't know, draw really well. How is Spidey going to use his ability to stick to walls for the good of others = how are you going to use your ability to draw for the good of others, because it's something special and unique to you, you have something to offer, are you going to use it selflessly, etc.

But for Elsa, that's not what it's about. Her powers are just a metaphor for how what's going on inside of her effects everyone around her, relationally. And it's still relatable. But not in a "skills" way. Just like all of us non-superpowered people: "if you let fear control you, you'll hurt everyone around you. But if you let love cast out fear, you'll love and be loved."

That's what's so good about this movie. When you look at it like that, you realize the powers aren’t the point.

Elsa isolates because she thinks that'll keep her from hurting everyone (fear controls her) but actually, by isolating, she's still hurting everyone-nobody in the kingdom gets to see their beloved ruler, and her sister is hurt, relationally, and feels unloved and shut-out, enough to trust the first scoundrel she meets-etc. See how the powers just make the story interesting, but they're not the point of the story? If Elsa's powers were replaced by "frantic outbursts of human temper" the story could be told in a lot of the same ways. But that's a post for another time.

So I don't think you disliked it because of the powers not being "established." "Whatever they wanted to have happen" did not happen, in the story. They laid out the rules that were relevant—“if fear controls you, it'll lead to great danger/but an act of true love can thaw a frozen heart."—and then they followed those rules in an interesting and consistent way.

2. The "twist" villain worked perfectly for the story.

A good villain is supposed to be the opposite of whatever your story's message is. Frozen's is, "Self-Sacrificial Love Casts Out Fear." Elsa is afraid she'll hurt everyone around her, and afraid that makes her unloveable-so she's a control freak over her circumstances. Anna is also afraid she's unloveable-simply because she's shut out and unknown-so she's always trying to control who she keeps in her life. Hans is both "unknown" and "controlling." He's "unknown" in two ways—1, nobody sees him in the shadows of his brothers in his own kingdom, and 2, nobody in Arendelle "knows" his true nature, especially not Anna. But the difference is, where our heroes don't like being unknown, Hans does, and uses it to his advantage, because he's also "controlling." But unlike our heroes, who learn that "control" is not the way to love, Hans is willing to do anything to stay in control. Which is, always, rooted in fear, too. Hans is just afraid he'll never get a throne. So. You see that he foils the two main characters perfectly.

But the main point of Hans is that he's not self-sacrificial, he's self-serving, which is the opposite of what the story claims "True Love" is.

Why's the "twist" part important? Because he uses the main characters' fears as a weapon to serve himself, and he couldn't have done that, for these two particular characters, by being anything but a liar. Anna is afraid she won't ever be loved, so he pretends to love her to get something for himself. Elsa is afraid she'll hurt everyone, so Hans pretends to be protecting everyone from her. And honestly, that's another core of the movie-love that is self-sacrificial, true love, can't be separated from truth. Anna can't really "truly love" Elsa in a way that HELPS Elsa feel loved if she doesn't know Elsa's flaws. Elsa can't "truly love" Anna if she's refusing to know Anna by always shutting her out. And Hans comes along and doesn't let himself be "truly known." Perfect.

So, the movie says "Self-Sacrificial Love Casts Out Fear" and Hans, the villain, says, "Self-Service Uses Fear As a Weapon."

So I don't think you disliked the "twist" villain. Because it wasn't just an empty "shock-jock, look how edgy we are, to make the Prince the bad guy" move. It was the right move, for this story and these characters.

3. I think your definition of "so cool" and "girlboss" might be different from what l understand those terms to mean, because none of the characters fit those descriptions.

Anna (as we understand her throughout the story) is introduced like this:

And she's constantly dropping stuff and getting into awkward social situations-and she basically makes zero correct decisions, for the entire adventure. Tries to fight wolves like a girlboss-and instead accidentally knocks her guide out of the sleigh and has to be thrown to safety while she ruins his livelihood. Tries to climb a cliff with zero experience-looks ridiculous and falls. Tries to talk her sister into lifting a curse and insists that she knows best because her sister would never hurt her-gets crippled, because her sister absolutely does hurt her, and totally fails. Tries to marry a handsome prince-really bad judgement of character, totally duped, basically would've died without help from the weakest and most mentally-confused character in the movie, Olaf. The only "girlboss" moment you could argue she had was punching Hans in the face at the end of the movie, and I would argue that that one moment, in the face of all her failures and humiliation throughout the movie, and in the face of him as a vile villain? That moment is okay.

Also, the whole way they pace that moment is still in-character for Anna. It's still like she's not doing the "dignified" thing. She delivers her little one liner, "the only frozen heart around here is you," and then turns around to walk away with her nose in the air, like she's

"above it all." Which frames the moment where she turns around and punches him like a joke. It frames that moment like it's a satisfying, but still "not decorous, not dignified," thing to do. It would've been "cool" and poorly received if Anna, the character who's always jumping into doing the emotional, awkward thing, had suddenly become the bigger person and risen above her hurt in that moment.

So instead, she punches him. And whatever. He deserved it, blah blah blah. The point is, even that moment isn’t supposed to be strictly “cool” or “girlboss.” It’s just supposed to be “in-character funny.”

See, usually a "girlboss" character knows exactly what the best thing to do is in a situation, and does it well. Or, she gets knocked down, but consistently gets back up and hits harder. Anna does not do any of those things. She keeps trying when she fails, yeah-but it's not because of an inner strength, it's because of an inner weakness. She keeps pushing because she's desperate, and insecure, not because she's awesome and never-say-die. Eventually, after Elsa strikes her and Hans betrays her, Anna does give up. She tells the snowman "we won't (come back.)" after Elsa strikes her. She tells Olaf she doesn't know what love is. It's not until she learns that lesson that anything she tries to do works—and she gives herself up to do it. And that's finally a moment of strength from her, not weakness. As for "cool"-gimme a break.

There's nothing "cool" about Anna. Anna's not good at anything except, at the very end, self-sacrificially standing in front of a sword and getting one punch in on a villain who's already disarmed, defeated and probably slightly concussed anyway. She's not supposed to be "cool" or "girlboss." She's supposed to be "Desperate to Love and Be Loved." And that's what she is, perfectly. "Desperate" is not a characteristic that fits the definition "girlboss" or "cool."

But maybe you just meant "Elsa is so cool and a girlboss." Okay, well, again, depends on what you mean by that. If you mean "having superpowers are cool" okay, well, are they? Is that what the movie is telling you? Because powers basically ruin all of Elsa's childhood and life until the last 3 minutes of the movie. You could be like "come on, she can make snow and ice monsters, glitter gowns, and an entire palace just by dancing. They totally tried to make her 'cool." That's like saying Simba's ability to eat bugs and belch and fight with Nala is "cool." She does all those things at her "Character in the WRONG" moment, in the story, just like Simba living in the Hakuna Matata jungle. Therefore the movie is not trying to tell you that Elsa is cool, it's trying to tell you that Elsa is wrong, but you can understand why she's wrong. You can understand why she feels triumphant for a moment-and then the movie shows you that triumph is misplaced.

I mean, she's taken out by her own falling chandelier. Every time she's confronted with a problem, she runs away. When she gets into "battles of wits," she says the wrong thing, or the shy, shut-down thing, not a girlboss one-liner that shuts the other person up. Elsa's not cool either. She doesn't have the answers, she doesn't save the day-she gets saved.

Both of these characters are desperate, open wounds-—they're needy and they're in the wrong, each in their own way, for the majority of the movie. They're weak, and they have to learn to find strength in love, for most of their story. There's nothing "girlboss" or "cool" about them.

I think maybe what some people make the mistake of is noticing the Frozen mania, and the fact that the two main characters are girls and one of them has superpowers and they other doesn't get with a Prince, and then they get the impression, from that, that the characters are "cool girlbosses." But like...that's like saying Dory from the first Finding Hemo movie is a girlboss. She's so totally not. She's a wreck. A funny, appealing, sometimes-relatable-human wreck. And a good character, but the hype doesn't change who she is, as a character. And who she is, like Anna and Elsa, is just a good character.

4. Elsa does not finish Let it Go with an "I'm Fine As I Am" attitude, and she doesn't finish the movie that way, either.

She finishes "Let it Go" with an "I'm fine up here, isolated from everyone," attitude. And then the movie very quickly proves her wrong by having Anna show up and reveal to her that no, actually, she is not fine up there, because the person she cares about most can still find her and be hurt by her, and the whole kingdom is still reeling from the problems she ran away from.

At the end of the movie the only thing I can guess you got the impression that she's "fine as she is" from was the fact that she's using her powers again.

But like. Elsa's whole problem was never her powers. She wasn't supposed to learn to stop using them. She was supposed to learn to stop living in fear. Instead, she was supposed to lean on love-love that sacrifices for her, flaws and dangerousness and all-and stop trying to control her image and what everyone knows about her.

Because in trying to control what everyone knows about her, she was controlling whether or not they loved her or treated her like a monster. And even running away and singing Let It Go was still an effort to control everything-by not being around people who could treat her like a monster or be hurt by her. Instead, accepting that she might hurt people because she can't always control everything, and trusting that they'll still love and forgive her, was her character arc.

She lives by faith in sacrificial love by the end, not by fear. That's the arc. She does that perfectly.

It was never, "I'm fine as I am." Because the point was never "there's* something wrong with me." It was, "I don't need to fear a lack of control, because true love covers what I can't control." That's all.

4. Anna does communicate to the audience that she's sorry and willing to understand the reasons behind Elsa's secrets.

The lesson Anna takes away from all of this is not "which guy loves me." It's "what is love?" And you know she's learned that because she demonstrates it. If Anna had died-frozen forever-or been cut down by Hans' sword, you realize that Elsa would never have been able to repay that gesture, right? But Anna still made that choice.

Even though it meant Elsa would never repay her. And the point is — excuse me, I know this is long enough, but I feel like you're missing out on something wonderful here—

Anna could have left Elsa to be killed and ridden off into the sunset with Kristoff.

They make it very clear that that is her goal when she stumbles onto the ice, free from the room Hans trapped her in. Elsa is no longer her motivation. She isn't looking for Elsa. She's not trying to get that love she's looked for, from Elsa, in that moment. She's trying to get it from Kristoff, not just for her emotional need-but for the "breaking of the curse" that's killing her in the moment. That whole scene where she realizes he loves her-truly loves her, because he fits the description Olaf gives-is in there to communicate to the audience that he could save her. He could give her what she needs.

And the reason that's important is that it proves that this is character development: when she chooses not to go to Kristoff, and to go to Elsa instead.

Because it's her, choosing to turn away from the person who could give her something (even if it is "love") and to turn toward the person who can't give her something (Elsa.) Who has repeatedly failed to give her something, for their entire lives.

Anna at the beginning of the movie would've run to Kristoff. That was the whole point of Hans, when it comes to Anna-he represents someone who can fulfill a need in Anna. But when Anna turns away from Kristoff and runs to save Elsa instead, Anna is demonstrating what she's learned —that love isn't about her own needs. It's putting someone else's needs before yours. She stands between Hans and Elsa, with the full expectation that she's not going to get anything out of it, not even a guarantee of E/sa's love in return. And her own needs will NOT get met if she puts Elsa's first.

And that's what she does. Whereas, at the beginning of the film, Anna would not have done that. Because that's not what she thinks love is. She hasn’t realized that yet.

She thinks love means closeness. And that does come with love. But that's not love. Love is, like Olaf says, putting someone else's needs before yours. But the whole movie, Anna is not working to put Elsa's needs before her own. She's working to change Elsa's mind, now that she knows the truth, so that she and Elsa can be "close again." She's climbing that mountain and arguing with Elsa, because she thinks that all that stood in their way before was this secret that's been uncovered. And sure, Anna has always been willing to “be there for” Elsa, but you have to see that Anna wanted that to come with Elsa being there for her, in return.

Which would be nice. But it's not true love. True love is being there for someone even when they refuse to be there for you. Because that's putting their needs before yours.

Thanks for the super long ask! That was fun! I hope you enjoyed reading as much as l enjoyed writing-I think sometimes we judge Frozen by the mania that followed, not the good quality that actually caused the mania, and deserved the mania, though. Anyway 😂

Guards! Take them away! Back to the theater with you! Watch the movie again!

[imfineitsfineeverythingsfine]

Communication and a Question for the Fandom

I started this off thinking I would end up with one conclusion and I actually found myself changing it by the end. I’ve read a lot frustration with the ineffable husbands and their lack of communication. “You don’t ever talk to each other" and "You never say what you’re really thinking.”

Now, that may be true. But also, throughout both seasons, we have seen repeatedly how they have been under surveillance too. 

Not just visual

But audio as well… Sign in Hell: Be Careful What You Say. But there’s more to the sign itself. I just can’t make it out. It’s not a sign that’s featured in the extras either, which is also interesting. 

What I could find though, in the The Devil in the Details X-Ray video was a little more of the sign, but I still can’t make out what the rest of it says:

Which brings in my Question for the Fandom. If anyone else is able to make out rest of this, I’d be interested. (This was around the 2:05 timestamp)

Moving on, that’s not the only *Clue* about their surveillance either. We know about Hell using electronics as a means of communication. They just cut in to whatever happens to be playing at the time, right? Radio, tv, Saturday Morning Funtime… so it would make sense that they’d use it to listen too. Is the Bookshop any safer, being an embassy for Heaven and all?

And it’s hard to pinpoint exactly how either side is listening in. We all remember this interaction but really… played as a joke but what if it wasn’t? Or maybe they just hadn’t figured out the specifics yet at that point.

Maybe there are certain “trigger words.” We see the reactions when Crowley is called “nice.” 

Crowley tells Aziraphale to “shut up” numerous times. We hear both them say “don’t say that” a lot. 

But also…

Closed captioning capitalized it just like that. Interesting. (If you haven’t watched the show with cc on, I recommend it)

What does this all mean? They just don’t talk to each other? Well, no. Not necessarily. We’ve also seen them find ways around directly speaking too.

Writing it down. (Which was promptly burned)

Aziraphale mouthing “Trust Me” during the bullet catch. Could they have had other short hands or code words? Emergency contingency plans? I personally imagine so. Side note: could they have also been using alcohol (laudanum) as cover for plausible deniability? 

“Safe spaces”? The backroom in the Bookshop that they kept going to for private conversations. We know they had alternative rendezvous locations in the first season too – the old bandstand, the number 19 bus, and the British Museum café. 

The Final Fifteen. I don’t want to take away from the emotion of the scene and I think Season 3 (come on Prime!) give us the rest of the story. I have faith in Neil Gaiman (pun sort of intended). But I will propose that the kiss may have been not only Crowley’s plead but also a misdirect or signal or other way to communicate between the two that we have yet to understand. In the end, Aziraphale was able to get the Metatron to break and divulge that the next step of the Great Plan was the Second Coming…before even leaving Earth…which was pretty impressive in itself. Was Aziraphale then able to relay anything to Crowley before the elevator? Sendarya’s video here does a great job with that very question (and others).

Most experts agree that 70-93% of communication is nonverbal and when communicating emotions, applying the 7-38-55 rule. Meaning only 7% through spoken word, 38% tone of voice, and 55% through body language. So maybe they’re not doing so bad after all. Those are just my thoughts and we’ll just have to wait and see and hope.

[so-much-for-the-seashells]

The Strawberry, The Sheriff, and the Cartel Sheriff Beau Arlen (Big Sky) x PI!Reader

Chapter One: Welcome to Big Sky, Mt!

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~Before we Begin~

A/N: this is part one of an ongoing series. If you like the story and would like to be part of a tag list: please let me know, either through dm or comments. Still looking for a beta reader, dm if interested! :) Icons are by me! As always, any and all interaction is appreciated!

I really love Big Sky, even for all its faults. And to be honest, I was genuinely hoping for a season four. Since we aren’t getting that, I’m writing this. I’m no expert on PI/Detective work, but I’m doing my best. This is a work of fiction after all.

Anyway, I don’t want to spoil anything, so I’m not going to give any background and let the story speaks for itself. :)

Content/Content Warning: Nothing too crazy yet, but I’d rather a 16+ audience on this series for what might happen later. References to drugs and kidnapping. Cursing. Canon typical violence will occur.

~Without further ado, Welcome to Big Sky, Mt!~

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Who commits real crimes in Montana, anyway? I guess I’d always figured that there wasn’t enough of us to do so in the first place. But, as it turns out, no place is too small for shitty people. Go figure.

Part of me has always hoped for a big case. Something high stakes, something that might actually make me think. I had always been resigned to the throes of missing pets and cheating partners. Maybe a B&E or a purse-snatching here and there to spice things up. Sure, those are still crimes, but a kidnapping tied to a cartel?

Now we’re talking.

Wait. That sounds bad. Of course I feel bad for the victims, I’m not a jackass. It’s just that this is where things in my career finally get interesting. Where if I solve the case, I’m solving something bigger than Whitefish. Which would really make me feel better about myself, if I’m being honest. I don’t really feel like I’ve made a difference with any the cases I’ve solved. Sure, it’s good to see Mary-Jane get her cat back or tell Kathy-Lee that James was in fact cheating on her and seeing her so liberated after breaking up with him. But none of that is bigger than Whitefish, where I’ve been since I was born. I needed something important, something big.

And this certainly is that something big.

Something big enough that I’ve had to travel almost seven hours from my hometown to Big Sky. Bertha, my truck, needed to get out of the house anyway. But seven hours… damn. Especially considering Whitefish could be renamed ‘Small Town’- I don’t think I’d had driven more than two hours till then.

Something big enough that literal drug cartels were involved.

No one would expect Montana to have so many ties to cartels. It’s so random, right? I mean, who even thinks about Montana in the first place aside from hikers and outdoorsy people? I know I wouldn’t if I didn’t live here. But I guess that’s the draw for these weird mob families. There’s not much of a radar to be on up here.

Big Sky had barely cleared out the Bhullar family maybe six months ago. A friend of mine, a fellow PI named Cassie Dewell, had told me all about it. She had been involved; her friend Undersheriff Jenny Hoyt had been one of the major players in taking them down. But in the end, as I understood it, the family had more or less taken themselves down. Serves them right.

But when one pot empties you’ve got to fill it with something new, I guess. That’s where I come in.

See, I’m a PI because I couldn’t be bothered with the how rule-abiding proper detectives have to be. Rules don’t get things done in the justice system, in my opinion. I’ve seen too many people either go down or get off when they shouldn’t because of it.

Rules are good guidelines, but just that- guidelines. Something to guide you, but not something that’s always right. If you want to get things done, you need a little more independence.

But with that independence comes cases that folks in the Sheriff’s Department wouldn’t even have come across their desks. Like the cheating, or the missing pets. So be it: I get paid more; and anyway, sometimes the “dumb” stuff is what’s best to get you ready for the “good” stuff.

María Almería had been the one to reach out to me. Her and Felix, her husband; as well as her three kids, Anna, Josue and Carolina; are neighbors of mine. They’re good people, and I’m pretty close with the family. I like them a lot, from the parents to the kids.

Usually I get hunches about people- its why I’m good at my job. When Kathy-Lee asked me to investigate her husband, I could’ve told her off the bat that he was cheating. Not because I’d explicitly seen him, but for whatever reason I could read it on him. It’s like a sixth sense.

That sense must’ve been dormant every time I went to the Almerías’, though, because I had never once gotten a bad vibe about Felix. María’s husband was always kind, a good father- his kids would attest to that, a good husband- María never once had anything bad to say about him, and he actually carried his weight around the house. Cleaned dishes, did laundry… yes, the bar is low, but he is certainly better than most of the fish in the world’s hellhole of a sea. Not to mention that he was always genuine: never a bad word about anyone or anything, not even about cockroaches (those damned things are my mortal enemy). And you could see that genuineness his eyes, which are usually what gives someone’s story away if you know how to look at them.

Honestly, he was the last person I was expecting to go missing. I couldn’t even fathom the thought of him having enemies. With most people in cases like these, there’s at least one aspect about them that makes their disappearance make sense. Maybe it’s in how they act, or maybe it’s in the people they were most often around. I could rule out the first one: Felix has never had any senility issues, nor would be one to be prone to just run away from his family with no explanation. But that leaves the second option, the harder one.

When you know your client and the person that’s gone missing, things are immediately both easier and harder. Easier in that you know the client, and they know and trust you. Sure, that’s not every case, but in this case I was 99% sure that María nor her young children had anything to do with his disappearance. You’ve always got to have that slight doubt though, even if it’s just one percent. That’s detective work rule #1.

But in the same breath, it also makes it harder- the expectations and the stakes are higher. And also, you realize just how much you don’t know about people.

I had exhausted my every resource in Whitefish for a week, but there was absolutely no trace of Felix. María had even called him in missing to me before she could to the police- damn the wait 48 hours rule- and yet I still couldn’t get the jump on the blues.

The story was that María had taken her daughters clothes shopping while Josue was staying over at a friend’s for a sleepover. When they came home, Felix was gone. However, his phone was sitting on the table and his wallet and keys still on their kitchen counter, and the idea of him not taking any of those things was preposterous. He was one to always have them on him. That was why she called him in as missing after he didn’t return for a few hours. Her and her kids’ alibis checked out with both me and eventually the Whitefish Sheriff’s Department.

While researching Felix I had come across the name Bobby Ramirez. They had been in a news article together, set in Big Sky. And something about this Bobby, even from the pictures, didn’t seem right. His smile was just a little too crooked, his eyes betraying something stronger than mischief.

When I had asked María about his next of kin, she had said there was no one. But this Bobby looked so similar to Felix, to the point that I just had to ask. Apparently Bobby Ramirez’s real name is Roberto Almería, and he’s Felix’s estranged brother who lives in Big Sky. Never would’ve guessed.

Apparently the brothers had had a terrible relationship because, in María’s words, Bobby is “a nightmare.” I didn’t really get much more information than that, but the look in her eyes told me more than enough, along with the fact that she was visibly trembling. And the last time she saw him, before she even had kids, he had talked about going into a lucrative business (presumably drugs- fentanyl, maybe?) and promptly dropped off the grid. He’d asked Felix to join him and he had given a hard no, and I guess the falling out was so bad that the kids didn’t even know they had an uncle on their dad’s side. Once she had even gotten the feeling that Bobby could be involved in this, she begged me to back off. Even though her beloved husband was at risk, she begged me to back off. But I couldn’t: this family had shown so me far too much kindness in the past for me to just give up on Felix.

Bobby Ramirez apparently owns a repair shop in Big Sky. Bob’s Motors. Super creative, I know. It’s been open for about ten years- probably since around the time of the falling out. But from the shitty reviews online I have a good feeling it’s a front, since it’s still open, and the best lead I’ve got. María had mentioned that Bobby was in with a weird crowd, and that he was friends with Kory Jefferson. That’s where the presumed drug involvement comes in.

Kory, or KJ as he’s known on the streets, was and is bad news. He’s managed to weasel his way out of at least five arrests despite being a part of multiple drug cases. You know how? By being a CI for the police against his own employers in exchange for full immunity. It’s honestly impressive how many times he’s gotten away with the stunt, but I guess people wrongly figured him to be unimportant. Bobby being tied to him and Felix going missing just as KJ was buying mass property in Big Sky… it’s too much of a coincidence not to investigate.

Hence, the seven hour drive in the truck I’ve had fifteen years. Got it at the end of high school, a gift from my dad. But she was only supposed to last ten years. Emphasis on supposed to, cause my intention is to run her until she drops dead.

Thankfully my dad was a mechanic and he taught me how to fix just about any problem with the engine and the car in general. So, just like a truck that’s actually within its warranty, the only thing I usually have to worry about is me being a dumbass.

And a dumbass I am.

I had wisely decided to test the limits of the infamous last bar of gas- look, I only had to stop once so I was thinking maybe I could make it.

I thought wrong.

“Whoops,” is what I most definitely did not say when my car actually stopped just a few miles beyond the “Welcome to Big Sky, Mt!” sign. What I really said was a string of profanities so colorful and vulgar that I genuinely would rather not repeat them. I had smacked the hazards button, and then stepped outside and kicked the tire with enough force to almost break my toe, because one dumb decision wasn’t enough for me that day.

So yeah, that’s about where we are right now. I’m standing outside of my car with one hand on my hip and the other holding my phone, weighing my options. The nearest gas station is naturally twenty miles away, and one thing’s for sure is that I’m no marathoner. It would probably take me until tomorrow to get there. On the other hand, I could do the normal thing and call a tow truck. But if there’s anything my frugal mother taught me, it’s that you shouldn’t pay for anything unless you absolutely have to. I don’t necessarily agree with that, but it’s sort of ingrained in me, and in this instance, I don’t really want to call a skeevy tow trucker.

Of course; there’s always the third, very rational option: I turn into the Hulk and push the truck. Obviously that’s the most plausible of the three.

Just as I’m getting ready to be a normal person and figure out a towing service to call does a sign of life appear. Up until now, somehow, literally nobody had passed through this road. It’s another truck, burgundy and bulky.

I wave, my face still stuck in a scowl as the driver approaches. It rolls to a halt near me on the opposite side of the road, before the hazards flash and the driver steps out.

“Car troubles, I’m assuming?” a strong Texan drawl greets me.

“You’re assuming correctly,” I smile sarcastically, taking in the stranger. He’s handsome, classically so, and he sure does fill out those Wranglers. Looks straight out of a Clint Eastwood movie, sans the cowboy hat.

“What seems to be the issue?” he cocks his head cordially, taking a step closer. Normally I’d be one to back away, but I don’t have a bad feeling about this guy. He’s wearing sunglasses, so I can’t read his eyes, but something tells me I don’t have to.

“Ran out of gas,” I mumble, more than a little embarrassed to be admitting it out loud.

“Hey, we’ve all been there,” he assures me. “Do you want me to take you to get gas?”

“I don’t usually step into stranger’s trucks,” I tell him warily. As kind as he seems I can never be too sure. Ever.

“Well if it helps any, I’m the Sheriff around these parts.” He pulls his jacket to reveal more of his belt, showing off his Sheriff’s badge pinned to it. He taps it once, for emphasis. Oh, wait, this must be… “Beau Arlen,” he introduces, interrupting my thoughts. He outstretches a hand and I shake it. His hand is huge compared to mine, callused but still soft somehow.

“Your reputation precedes you, Sheriff Arlen,” I tell him, letting go of his hand.

“That so?” It’s endearing how he perks up at that.

“I’m friends with Cassie Dewell,” I explain.

“Oh! Cass is the best! How do you know her?”

“I’m a PI- we all know each other.”

“Huh, y’don’t say.”

“What, you sheriffs aren’t like that?”

“Can’t say we are.”

“Shame,” I say melodramatically. He chuckles.

“Can’t all be PI’s, now can we?”

“True that.”

“Soo, that ride?” he tilts his head towards his truck.

“Yes, thank you,” I say sincerely.

“Anytime.” I follow him back over the middle line of the road to his truck, where he opens the door for me and offers an arm to help me step up. Huh, chivalry. Refreshing.

He stars his truck and drives a little down the road to make a u-turn before presumably heading towards the nearest gas station

“So what brings you to Big Sky?” he asks, making small talk.

“A case, actually… it’ll probably be on your radar soon enough. I’m thinking cartel, not a hundred percent sure yet.” I decide to keep the details to myself; there’s just too much at stake here.

“Another cartel? In this county? Y’know the last one ended with the boy killing his pops. And the pops had left the kid for dead too. Not to mention that the daughter was a pain in our ass, moonlighting as a real estate agent… but don’t get Hoyt started on that Tonya ‘cause she still can’t stand the sight of her… sorry, I’m ramblin,’” there’s a faint blush on the apples of his cheeks, and it’s adorable. But frankly I don’t mind his chatter, he’s nice to listen to. I like how he gets lost in his own stories.

“No worries, I like listening,” I shrug. My dad always said ‘listening lets you hear the things you wouldn’t’a heard if you weren’t.’ It’s sort of a ‘no shit’ phrase, but it’s true.

“There’s a first- Cass and Jenny like to get on me for talking too much,” he muses, no offense in his voice.

“That’s ’cause they don’t know ‘too much.’ I once had a client who told me his entire life story from birth to present day,” I reminisce, not even hyperbolizing. “I learned all about the std he got from a prostitute back in the 60s at Woodstock, and about his five wives: Maryanne, Georgia, Gina, Kevin, and Sade.”

“Kevin?” he laughs incredulously, taking his eyes off the road for a second to look at me.

“Yep. That was during the eighties though, so apparently it doesn’t make him gay,” I laugh, knowing how ridiculous it sounds.

“Wait, what was the STD?”

“Chlamydia,” I answer, without missing a beat.

“Wow, you have a good memory, huh?”

“Just for cases.” Which is true: in my daily life I would probably forget my head if it wasn’t attached to the rest of my body. I genuinely couldn’t tell you what I ate yesterday, but I do know that at 11:25 am I booked the motel I’ll be staying at. You know why I know that? Because I had just made the KJ break. See?

“That’s damn useful in your line of work,” he compliments.

“Yeah.” We ride in silence for a little bit because my dumb ass can’t hold a conversation. It’s not my fault that my only friends are my mom. Well, and Cassie Dewell, I guess, but I don’t see her all that often.

“Okay, so the accent- Texas?” I ask. Trying to bring back the conversation.

“Born and raised,” he confirms, emphasizing his drawl. I smile at the effort. I like his drawl, it compliments the deep and roughness of his voice.

“Cowboy country, nice,” I say.

“Hey, not all of us are cowboys!” he defends playfully.

“The first thing I thought when I saw you was ‘cowboy,’” I tell him matter-of-factly.

“Touché,” he laughs. “Truth be told I was literally raised on a ranch, so I can’t really be talking. Y’know, I had a really nice dog named Juniper. She herded the cattle, while I would pretend to “help.” By “help” I mean stand towards the side, scared of getting stomped on cause I weighed little more than a plastic bag from the grocery store.” More stories- I have a feeling he could write a book.

“Puberty must’ve hit you like a truck,” I mused, referring to the last part of his story.

“That or the gym,” he laughs.

“You a gym rat, Sheriff?”

“More or less,” he takes one hand off the steering wheel to flex his jacket-covered bicep. I wolf whistle, and he laughs. He’s a very large man, from his stature to his statuesque physique.

“Is there even a gym around here? I feel like I’m in the middle of nowhere, and I’m from fucking Whitefish,” I joke, referring to the fact that the only signs of life we’ve encountered are the gorgeous trees bordering the open road.

“Preaching to the choir,” he smiles.

“So, why’d you stick around, then? I heard you were just an acting sheriff,” I inquire, wondering why the cowboy-or anyone, for that matter- would want to stay here.

“I’ve got my ghosts in Houston,” his voice turns subtly melancholic, telling me not to pry. So I don’t, knowing the feeling. “But back to your question, there is a gym,” his tone returns back to its lightheartedness.

“It’s abandoned, isn’t it.”

“Well, there’s me. And uh, me. And sometimes Denise, who I think just wants an excuse to see my ass,” he laughs.

“Denise Brisbane? From Dewell and Hoyt?” I only know the name, nothing more.

“Yeah, she’s sweet- she cooks for me too, even though I’m a grown ass man.”

“Someone’s got a fan club,” I tease.

“Population one,” he retorts.

“Well maybe I’ll see you or you and Denise there at some point.”

“I’d like that… hey, you’re not joining the fan club are you?” he raises a brow from behind his sunglasses.

“In your dreams, Sheriff,” we both smile, and sit back for a second, the silence less awkward this time, at least for me.

“Y’can call me Beau, y’know. If you want to, anyway,” he tells me, breaking the half a second of quiet.

“Mk, Beau it is.” I like the way his name feels coming out of my mouth. And what a fitting name it is… he is objectively gorgeous.

“Hey, I just realized I never got yours,” he says suddenly.

“Huh? My what?” I say confused. Look, the road trip’s got me exhausted.

“Your name,” he clarifies.

“Oh. It’s Y/N. Y/N L/N.”

“Y/N- that’s a really nice name,” he compliments.

“Thanks,” I can’t help but be flattered.

“Where’s it from?”

“My dad- it was the name of some book character.”

“Cool! That’s a lot more creative than how my kid got named,” he laughs.

“You have a kid?” I ask, mildly surprised. Not that I think he’d be a bad dad after the half hour of knowing him, but just because since I don’t have kids I don’t usually expect people my age to either.

“Mhm. Emily- she takes after her mom, though.”

“You’re married?” I don’t see a ring, that’s the only reason I’m asking.

“I was.” There’s that melancholy tone again… something tells me there’s more to this cordial cowboy than meets the eye.

“Well in any case, Emily’s a pretty name for what I’m sure is a beautiful daughter,” I say, changing the subject.

“You callin’ me handsome?” he teases.

“All I’m going to say is that your mama was real on the nose with the name… Beauregard.” I decide to mix the compliment a little bit.

“You really think that’s my name?”

“No,” I confess, giggling.

“Good, I was hopin’ I didn’t come across as a”-he shudders comedically-“Beauregard.”

“Cmon, it’s not the worst name,” I chide.

“Well it’s certainly far from the best,” he retorts, and I shake my head with a smile. “Alright, we’re coming up on it now.”

I look up ahead, taking in the sight of this gas station that’s literally the only building in sight. It’s a bit on the dinghy side, half of the letters in the neon sign don’t work, so it says “De Ass Ton” instead of Del’s Gas Station. Go figure for this town.

But wait…

“What the fuck?” we both say in unison, taking in the sight before us.

****************************************************

Until Part Two, dear reader! <3

[typical-simplelove]

Can't Break Up Now (B. Shelton)

Summary: In the little moments of life, you realize that Ben truly is your forever person.

Author's Note: Hi, here's the first tennis fic that I finally feel comfortable sharing with the world :). I hope you like this one, and let me know what you think!

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: None that I can think of!

“Good morning,” you murmur, wrapping your arms around Ben’s waist as he’s stirring a mug at the kitchen counter. It was a slow Sunday morning—your day off from work and school and Ben’s rest day. Going to bed late the previous night from watching movies, you had rolled out of bed around 10:30, itching for caffeine to enter your bloodstream. 

“Morning,” Ben replies, his hand warm from the mug stroking against yours. “Coffee?”

“Mhm, obviously.”

A small chuckle leaves Ben’s throat, and you feel it in his back from where your head rests. “Here you go,” he tells you, placing a mug in your hand. 

“Hmm?”

In a smooth motion, Ben takes the mug out of your hand and slowly turns in your embrace, so his front is facing yours. Handing you the mug, he says with a smile, “Coffee, for you.” 

“Thank you,” you answer, your chest filling both with warmth and speculation. You were very particular about how you take your coffee, the color being very specific and tough to match without knowing your exact measurements of milk, sugar, and syrup. 

“Try it; go on,” Ben pushes, a cocky smirk on his face. 

“Your bedhead curls are cute,” you say in an attempt to change the subject and push the coffee into Ben’s hands. One of your hands gently brushes his curls up his face, opening up his eyes and forehead to your view. 

“Sure, but try the coffee.” 

“You know how particular I am about my coffee. I don’t want to offend you in case you got it wrong.” 

“But I didn’t.” Oh, he’s smug now. “Look at it; it’s the perfect color that you like.” 

“Okay,” you relent after a fifteen-second-long staring contest. You’re not sure why you keep engaging in those with him. With one look into your eyes and a grin, Ben can get you to do anything. You glance down at the mug and notice that it’s pretty close to the color you make your coffee. “Why don’t you just drink it?” 

“You and I both know that this is nowhere near how I drink my coffee.” 

“Ben.” 

“Babe.” 

“Fine.” You finally take a sip and feel Ben’s hands wrap around your back, his thumb stroking small soothing circles. 

“Not too bad, yeah?”

“Very good. Actually, pretty close to perfect.” 

“Perfect? Does this mean I get to make your coffee for you every day, now?” Ben gloats. 

You roll your eyes. “Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. Who knows, maybe this is just a lucky, first attempt.”

“Oh no, it’s definitely not.” He reaches for his phone over on the counter, opens up the notes app, and turns his screen to show you a list. For almost two months, Ben documented the way you made your coffee with funny little quips. “I think it’s safe to say I’m an expert at your coffee.” 

“I guess so,” you reply, taking another sip. 

With a smile, Ben kisses you on your forehead before leaving you for coffee as he starts making breakfast. 

He really did know the way you take your coffee. That’s a love language, right? 

. . .

For you, pajamas were something sacred. They were something that you put a lot of care and effort into. Sleep was one of the most important parts of living life, and something you needed to function properly the next day, so of course, you were going to put immense effort into the clothes you were going to wear to bed. 

One night after taking a shower, wrapped in a towel, you were looking at the drawer that you designated for pajamas and couldn’t help but notice how much of it was Ben’s t-shirts. Some of the shirts were starchy and uncomfortable, but you know that if you had to pick between one of those more uncomfortable shirts or one of your favorites, you were picking the starchy shirt (most of the time). Maybe it was because it smelled like his detergent, and you knew he had worn it once in his life. Maybe it was the way it made him smile whenever you wore one of his shirts. Maybe it was the way you felt safe and comfortable in one of his shirts. Maybe it was just Ben. 

With a small smile and a comfortable warmth spreading across your body, you pick one of Ben’s t-shirts and put it on before finishing your nightcare routine and joining Ben to lounge on the couch. 

“One of my shirts,” he murmurs. You feel the movement of his lips against your neck. 

Once you join Ben on the couch, he wraps an arm around your shoulder before he bends down and places a kiss on the side of your neck. You can feel the big smile that’s on his face as his face meets the skin of your neck. 

“Yeah,” you whisper, too engulfed in his touch to say anything more or throw a quip his way. 

“I like it,” he replies, not against your skin. He’s sat back up now, so he’s looking at you as he talks. 

“I’ve worn your shirts before,” you comment, lifting an eyebrow, needding to give him a tough time for his comment now that you’ve regained your composure. 

“Doesn’t make a difference. Still makes my heart rattle to see you wearing my clothes.” 

Well, you didn’t have anything to say to that. 

A few weeks later, you’re minding your business as you walk into your shared bedroom to find something. You stop in your tracks and forget the purpose of walking into your room as you watch Ben putting his laundry away. 

The dresser that you and Ben share is large, with eight drawers. Four on one side for you and four for him. For the most part, the two sides don’t intermingle, and you both keep your clothes separate. However, the drawer that you keep your pajamas in is open, and Ben is placing his shirts into it. 

Typically, if you’re wearing one of his shirts, you’ll wash it and place it back in his drawers. The shirts of his that you’ve worn over the past few weeks are back on his side of the drawer, but Ben, who’s just done laundry, is placing more shirts into your drawer. 

“What’re you doing?” you ask, careful not to startle him. 

“Putting laundry away,” he replies, not glancing up from the task at hand. 

“But that’s my side.” 

“But they’re your shirts,” he says without hesitation. 

“Mmm, I don’t think so. They’re definitely your shirts.” 

Ben finally looks up at you, and from the look he’s giving you, you can tell his cheeks have gone warm as you’ve caught him in the act of stowing shirts in your drawers. “They look better on you,” he murmurs, barely audible for you to hear. You heard him loud and clear, but you like messing with Ben, making him more bashful with each word and comment, so you ask him to repeat himself. 

“They look better on you,” he repeats, barely looking at you. 

You smirk, walking over to Ben. You take his face in your hands and pull him close to you gently. With a small peck, you say, against his lips, “Thank you. I’ll take your shirts whenever.”

“It makes me happy when you wear them,” he is quick to say, his lips brushing against yours. “I have a folder in my camera roll of pictures of you in them. That sounds stalker-ish, but I promise it’s because I like seeing you in my shirts.” 

Chuckling, you give him another peck. “A little stalker-ish, but I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” he murmurs, pulling you close against his body. 

Ben starts where you end, and if the ship’s ever going down, you’re going to hold on until you can fix it. 

. . . 

Ben and his team were out of town for the weekend, going on a small retreat before one of the upcoming tournaments. It was one of the more important tournaments, so the team thought getting some time away from the noise and pressures of the city would help Ben’s game. So, that meant the apartment was empty except for you. You were able to play your music as loud as you wanted (but truly, though, Ben wouldn’t have minded if you played your music loudly, even if it wasn’t his preferred taste in music). You can cook whatever you want, and lounge around the couch however you want. Honestly, you could do whatever you wanted around the apartment, and Ben would take it in stride with a smile and a small shake of his head. 

It was 9:30 on Friday night, hours after Ben headed out of town, and you were already in bed, lounging among the blankets and pillows, a movie playing on your computer. It had been a long week, so all you wanted to do was relax and unwind. 

By the time the movie had ended, you turned off your computer and placed it on your nightstand as you went to the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. 

Once you got back into bed, you checked your phone once more and saw that you had a text from Ben. He sent a picture of himself, lying shirtless in his hotel bed, captioned Good night. With a small chuckle, you saved the photo of him and sent your own with a Good night. Turning on “do not disturb,” you put your phone down on your nightstand and turned off the lights, ready for bed. 

Within a few minutes, you’re in a comfortable position. With Ben out of town, his side of the bed is empty, but you drag his pillow close to you. Breathing in, you smell Ben’s shampoo and conditioner on his pillow, and the scent of his aftershave and cologne are lingering. 

You didn’t think you would miss him as much as you do at this moment, but you do. Smelling him on his pillow is enough to bring a few tears to your eyes. With a quick swipe at your eyes, you place Ben’s pillow back in its spot and try to fall asleep. 

There’s only one thought that runs through your mind as you try to fall asleep. 

Ben has managed to insert himself into every little part of your life and into the little nooks and crannies that you keep close to yourself. If he can do that and make you feel so loved, that must mean he’s your forever person, right? 

Well, you can’t break up now. You both love too hard.  

Living life with Ben seems pretty nice. 

[jemariel]

Falling With Style

By Jemariel

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Dean/Cas

Words: 15,831

Tags: Wingfic, Dean has angel wings, Human Castiel in the Bunker, domestic fluff, wing grooming, flying lessons, love confessions, Cas has self-worth issues, first kiss/first time together, Profound Bond Gift Exchange: Hot Entity Summer

Written for the Profound Bond gift exchange for @eyesandwingsonlyafterdark !! I hope you enjoy 💙💚💖

Summary: Dean's facing a long summer cooped up in the bunker with nothing but his own brand new eight-foot angel wings for company. And Cas, of course. But the former angel is acting super weird about this whole thing, and Dean can't figure out why. He could sure use some help from the expert, though.

(In which Dean learns to fly, and Cas remembers what it's like.)

Read on ao3!

Excerpt and tag list below the cut, let me know if you want to be added to or removed from my tag list!

On this particular Thursday, Dean finds Cas in the library. Deep in the stacks, in a section that mostly contains books on angel lore, as far as Dean knows. He’s got an armload already and is peering with great concentration at the cobwebby shelves.

Jackpot.

Dean sidles closer, winching his wings in tight as they’ll go so they don’t knock anything off the shelves (again). Be a shame to give away the game.

Closer… closer… years of practice keep his feet and breathing quiet until he can count the hairs on the back of Cas’s neck. And then, just as Cas is juggling his books from one arm to the other—

“Whatcha lookin’ for?”

Cas jumps about a half a mile, and a dozen moth-eaten volumes go tumbling to the floor. Sam’s gonna kill him.

Worth it.

“Dean—” Cas exhales, a hand on his chest and murder in the set of his jaw. “What the hell are you doing?”

Dean grins and relaxes his wings a touch. “Just having a little fun,” he says, tongue between his teeth. For some reason, getting a rise out of Cas always gets him giddy. It’s like champagne bubbles under his skin, and ever since he sprouted these feathery intruders, that’s where he feels it the strongest. It’s like all the feathers are standing on end. It’s happened before. Like the time he pretended not to know or care about the Library of Alexandria for an entire hour, and Cas had gone on a righteously livid rant that left him flushed and sweaty. There’d been a chalkboard involved. Or the time Cas had wandered into the kitchen all pre-coffee grumpy in nothing but sweatpants while Dean was making eggs. That hadn’t exactly been Dean getting a rise out of him, but it gave him the goosebumps all the same.

Dean had chosen not to analyze it too closely.

With a glare in Dean’s direction, Cas crouches down to pick up the books, ruddy around the ears. It’s then—looking down at Cas’s head just below waist level—that Dean realizes just how close he’d positioned himself. His wings tingle harder, and his stomach does this funny little twist as he shuffles back to a more respectable distance. Suddenly, he has to swallow a whole mouthful of saliva and clear his throat before he can speak.

“Seriously, what are you doing back here?” he asks. Totally neutral. Completely normal.

Rising to his feet, Cas hands over one of the books. The spine looks like it’s decided to make a break for it, hanging on by a few bare horsehair threads. Dean actually feels bad for a minute before he reads the title.

“Alchemical Properties of Angelic Minutia? Sounds grim.”

Cas nods, still averting his gaze, fingering the dusty pages of a slim, gilt-edged volume. “I was hoping to uncover a solution to your… predicament.”

“Gabe said it would wear off on its own, right?”

One of Cas’s eyebrows climbs toward his hairline. “And you trust him?”

Dean snorts, handing the book back. “Not even half as far as I can throw him, but why would he lie about that?”

“I can think of a dozen reasons. But even assuming there is truth in that, why shouldn’t we try to”—he gestures vaguely with his laden arms—“encourage the process?”

Dean considers, crossing his arms as he leans against a bookshelf. The edge of the shelf digs into his bare bicep, and he shudders to think what kind of dust his feathers are picking up. “It’s not so bad,” he says. “Kinda grateful for the vacation.”

Cas squints at him in flat disbelief. “Dean, you have put up a protest every time Sam has left on a hunt for the last two months.”

“Yeah, well.” How does he explain this? “Netflix ain’t gonna binge itself, right? C’mon. I’ll make some popcorn.”

Cas nods vaguely as Dean slaps him on the shoulder and turns to escape the library. “Give me a moment to… reshelve these, I suppose.”

“That’s the spirit.”

Read more on ao3!

Tag list below:

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[jennhoney]

I must first remind the reader and myself that Murble is an unreliable narrator and not even Murble knows what she actually requested at the hardware store but she went to 2 and came back with a story about the sink soap dispenser we were trying to replace. I need a pump because it’s the easiest thing to use with my bad hands and the old soap dispenser failed at the nozzle about two weeks ago. It would just shoot off like a lackluster bullet and some soap would dribble out.

So the story was that we had to look up the faucet maker and order it from their website. The Lowe’s employee suggested that the nozzle be glued with gorilla glue.

Me: that’s insane???

AuntMurble: he was very helpful!

Me: was he though?!?

And true value where I had already confirmed that the website had what I was pretty sure we needed, a universal Sink soap dispenser for $30,

“they might not have it in stock but they should be able to order it for you and we can do a store pick-up later”,

told her a similar story about needing to know the faucet maker and that they did not have such things on their website. I felt like I was being gaslit. I pulled up the website again and looked at the soap dispenser trying to figure out what I wasn’t understanding.

Mumbling to myself as I study different designs of soap dispensers, “the sink is the determiner of the size of soap dispenser not the faucet manufacturer so the cut hole must be relatively universal???

Now at the time Murble would have bought nearly anything the expert suggested and would have paid probably anything under $100. At this point I don’t even want to buy from TrueValue so I go to Amazon and pick an $11 one that has a different design so it will at least fail in a new and different way. That’s how you keep life spicy.

“Can we order this $11 dollar thing as a test and then maybe I can figure out why they made it seem so complicated?

“Sure!”

The only thing complicated about it was that my body doesn’t work so I had to keep taking breaks.

I guess I will never understand why they failed to make a sale?

[silverbladexyz]

hello! i saw that you just opened your requests, fell free to ignore this btw.

are you able to do a dazai x gn reader where reader is really quiet but their actually just bottling up anger and they accidentally explode their anger onto dazai?

have a good day/night 👋

Linn is that you? Hellooooo!!! Tbh reader kind of sounds like me sometimes... anywayssss hope you enjoy! ^-^

The image does not belong to me. It belongs to it's original owner.

TW: Dazai being Dazai, anger explosion (?), toxic family

Dazai with a gn!reader who accidentally explodes their anger onto him

-So you worked at the Armed Detective Agency, and things were tough

-Your family came from a financially unstable background, and this caused lots of fights between your parents about money. Many times, your parents had let their anger out on you

-Over the years, your anger was bottled up inside of you, never exploding, but it threatened to spill. You were very good at staying silent, but you did that because it was the only way of keeping your anger in

-Many people noticed how silent you were sometimes, but they mistook it as shyness. And this caught the attention of the Agency’s suicidal maniac

-Dazai liked to tease you a lot. You brushed it off every time with a cold face, hoping that he would stop, but he didn’t. In fact, your ambivalence only encouraged him more, and soon you found yourself being teased by him at least once every hour

-Normally, you just kept silent and continued working. His teases made you feel a bit annoyed, but you always managed to make it go away. Sometimes, Kunikida came to your rescue, but only if he sensed that you were on the verge of exploding

-One afternoon, you were just having a very bad day. Your parents had another fight, and your mother had shouted at you and called you a burden. You had said nothing, but the bottled-up anger in you burned brighter than before

-And it was just your luck that Dazai decided to tease you, seeing how quiet you were all day. It was just a silly jab, but it was just enough to make your contained anger overflow

-‘Will you just shut up! I’ve had enough of your teasing, and I hope that you’ll #%^&@#$%^!’

-Dazai was not expecting that. He was aware that you were sometimes on the verge of being mad at him, but he never suspected that you had this much anger bottled up in you

-He immediately is analysing the situation. After he has made a few deductions, he will very quietly ask you if you needed to let it all out

-Dazai will listen to you and be silent when you do let it all out. He may not be the best therapist, but he is a good listener. When you’ve finished, he will offer a few words of comfort and advice, maybe even giving you a pat on the shoulder if he saw that you were very distressed

-Definitely lays back on the teasing. Even when he does playfully banter with you once in a while, it’s totally harmless. Dazai even becomes an expert on reading your emotions, and if he sees you on the verge of bursting, he will smoothly handle the situation and afterwards draw you aside to calm/comfort you

-Your bond with him certainly has grown deeper, and there might be something else there, who knows 🤭 

-But please do remember that Dazai is there for you, and he will never tell your secrets to anybody else. Even if you don’t want to tell him anything, Dazai will always offer his support, even if it’s so small that you don’t notice it

-If it gets worse though, Dazai will have a talk with your parents, and trust me, it will work very well

-In return, please be there for him as well. His mask rarely breaks, but when there’s a small crack in it, indirectly let him know that you’re there for him. He might laugh it off on the surface, but deep down he is glad that he could also rely on you

Sorry that this was kind of bad ;-;

@pixyys @ashthemadwriter @nekokinax @the-mourning-stars @pianotross @yuugen-benni @xxelfmamaxx @lakeside-paradise  @catzlivedforbsd

[lionlena]

Hate run, love speed (Pedro Pascal x racing driver f!reader) part 3/?

Pedro Pascal x racing driver f!reader

Summary: You accidentally pick up a hitchhiker who turns out to be Pedro. You hear from him that he’s not a fan of racing and thinks drivers don’t do much… Then he finds out you’re a rally driver.

Warnings: swearing, small angst, mention of risk of accident and death,abuse from men (but not Pedro!) …

A/N: I’m not an expert on car racing and rally drivers, but I’ve always dreamed of becoming one. So please don’t take anything I write about racing and cars seriously. English is not my native language so I apologize for any mistakes. This is my first xreader so… I’m dying here.

*

Pedro wanted to see you after the race but his agent offered him a lift. He was sure he'd see you anyway, so he decided to be patient.

But he didn't expect to meet you any sooner than he expected. When he saw a familiar looking car, he slowed down. And then he stopped as he recognized a figure standing by the open engine hatch.

It had to be fate.

*

Sleeping on the couch all night wasn't the best idea.You woke up sore this morning, but at least you didn't oversleep. You calmly ate your breakfast, drank coffee and put on your favorite T-shirt. It was going to be a pretty good day.

(yes, this shirt)

 You were listening to your favorite song on the way to the track when suddenly the oil level light came on.

"Huh?"

You were really surprised. You regularly checked the levels of all fluids in the car. Besides, it was Mando. Your reliable car.

You pulled over to the side of the road, hoping it was just a mistake. When you opened the engine hood you knew it was bad. You immediately noticed traces of an oil leak. You could only guess that the oil line was damaged. The engine was hot, so you couldn't check it further. You groaned and held the bridge of your nose. You were sure you were going to be late.

You were about to call one of the mechanics when a black off-road Mercedes-Benz pulled up right next to you. That was weird. People rarely cared about other drivers. But when you saw who got out of the car, you were out of breath.

Pedro smiled broadly.

"Hi. Need a ride?"

You wanted to pinch yourself. How could you be so lucky to meet him again.

You were so stunned that you replied:

"My car is broken."

Yeah, as if it wasn't obvious.

He laughed and replied:

"Yeah, cars break down."

"Yes, but not Mando."

He frowned slightly and you realized you'd said it out loud.

"I'm assuming because it's silver."

"And reliable," you mumbled.

Pedro stepped closer to you, glancing at the engine.

"Hmm... I assume this place is just cursed."

"What?"

He was so close to you that you could smell his cologne. And oh... He was even more handsome than when you first met. Probably because his hair wasn't wet from the rain this time. And he wore a well-fitting blue shirt.

"It's almost the same place my car stopped yesterday," he replied.

You looked around and actually... It was almost the same place.

"Wow... It's actually cursed."

You both started laughing.

"Okay, lock the car and get your stuff."

You blinked in surprise.

"Umm, no. I can't. You're in a hurry for sure. I'll be fine.”

He shook his head and opened the passenger side door.

"Yes, I'm in a hurry. I'm supposed to meet my new co-star... at the racetrack."

"Ooo... Uh. Ok."

You quickly closed the engine hood, grabbed your bag and locked the car. Pedro was still standing there with a big smile and holding the door for you. You blushed a bit at the thought of what a gentleman he was. As you two moved on, you really wanted to ask him more about this mysterious co-star, but Pedro started the conversation.

"Look, I'm really sorry I said yesterday that racing isn't a sport and drivers don't do anything. I don't know why I said that. I guess it's because I used to swim and... God it was so much work and I finally gave up because I was too lazy."

You couldn't hide your slight giggle. Why did he have to be so cute? You couldn't be mad at him even if you wanted to.

"Really, you don't need to apologize anymore. I understand. Every profession has its pros and cons. Honestly, I don't think acting is for lazy people either. You know, all those late-night shoots, interviews, movie promotions. It's also a lot of work."

He looked at you for a moment.

"So you're not pretending you don't know who I am anymore?"

"Literally, a few minutes ago you heard that my car's name is Mando. Does it make sense to hide that I've seen your series and movies?"

"I don't think so. So, is any of your cars named Pedro?"

He winked at you, and you couldn't believe how much he was enjoying it.

"No," you replied quickly. "I only name my cars after fictional characters, and basically... I only have two. Mando and my racing car. And then there's the replacement car but someone named it Iron for Iron Man, and it stayed that way."

Pedro smiled mischievously.

"So what's the name of the racing one?"

"Trade secret," you replied quickly.

This amused him even more. He wasn't going to let go.

"Oberyn."

"What, no? How did you come to that?"

"Because it's yellow."

You were speechless for a moment. You realized that he must have watched the race the day before since he knew what color your car was.

"Javier," you replied with a slight sigh. "Because he's mean and he smokes a lot."

Pedro laughed out loud and... It was such a wonderful sound. Much better than in the videos you've seen.

Suddenly you realized you were already there. You thought Pedro was about to say goodbye to you, but he went straight to the track with you. When you saw your sponsors, you started to suspect that it was all connected somehow.

You were not wrong.

"Oh, there are our stars!" Tom shouted. "I see you two have already met."

"Yes," answered Pedro.

You looked at them completely surprised.

"I don't quite understand what's going on?"

Tom grabbed your hand and said:

"Pedro didn't tell you? You will play with him in...”

"NO!" you growled.

Seeing the surprised and sad face of Pedro, you decided to control your anger.

“I already told you that I am not an actress and advertising is not for me. Pedro is a great actor, but playing with someone like me, we will all come off badly."

You saw that Pedro was about to say something, but Henry beat him to it.

"Leave it to me. Y/N, let's go aside."

Henry grabbed your elbow gently and dragged you a few feet away. Then he asked:

"What do you want? New car, better parts for the old one, more money?"

You ignored his questions.

"Why don't you hire some actress?"

The man moaned.

"Y/N you must understand that this is a business and we don't have unlimited budget. We can't afford two professional, in-demand actors. No offense but you're not going to cost us that much. But it's not just about the money. We need authenticity. We want our customers to truly believe that our cars are for women who break stereotypes."

You groaned and shook your head, but Henry didn't let go.

"Look, if our profits go up, then... Next season, we're going to hire a different coach. The one you choose."

You looked at him shocked.

"For real?"

"Yes. Think about the advantages. You'll make extra money, you'll get more fans, you'll get rid of Ben... And don't tell me you don't want to play with a hottie like Pedro Pascal."

"Uh... All right."

"Ok. Let's go work out the details. Don't worry about training. I already told Ben you're off today."

Henry clapped his hands and gave the others a thumbs up. You got the strange feeling that Pedro beamed, as if he was really glad that you agreed.

What were you supposed to do? The offer was really tempting. You could only profit.

What could have gone wrong?

*

When you were talking to your friend in the evening, her excitement was vibrating on the phone.

"This is fucking awesome news!"

"I don't know," you replied skeptically.

"What is wrong? It's like a dream come true and you sound like someone just killed your puppy."

You rubbed your temples. How were you supposed to explain it?

"It's just too much. Sure, I dreamed of meeting Pedro... Like millions of other women, but that's it. I'm having a good season and all I wanted to do was just ride and win. I have a race in Spain in two weeks, then France... And I'm not an actress."

"Hey, listen," your friend's voice was calm and reassuring, "it's just an advertisement… Several two-minute spots.  Professionals don't always play in commercials. Besides, you said Pedro offered to help you."

"Yeah, when he gets the script, he'll call me and we'll meet."

"Oh, and thats great. Everything will be fine. You manage to keep your nerves at a speed of 200 km / h and you can't cope playing alongside... the hottest actor of this year!"

"Uhhh... You're not helping!"

Your friend laughed and you joined her.

Eventually her excitement started working on you. You started to think that this might actually be a fun adventure. In a few years you'll be able to say that you played with Pedro Pascal himself.

*

Part 2: https://lionlena.tumblr.com/post/717038721131855872/hate-run-love-speed-pedro-pascal-x-racing-driver

A/N: Please reader remember never to get into a car with strangers.... Unless it's Pedro Pascal :D

[thoughtlessarse]

“Sometimes it is almost impossible not to feel hopeless and broken,” says the climate scientist Ruth Cerezo-Mota. “After all the flooding, fires, and droughts of the last three years worldwide, all related to climate change, and after the fury of Hurricane Otis in Mexico, my country, I really thought governments were ready to listen to the science, to act in the people’s best interest.” Instead, Cerezo-Mota expects the world to heat by a catastrophic 3C this century, soaring past the internationally agreed 1.5C target and delivering enormous suffering to billions of people. This is her optimistic view, she says. “The breaking point for me was a meeting in Singapore,” says Cerezo-Mota, an expert in climate modelling at the National Autonomous University of Mexico. There, she listened to other experts spell out the connection between rising global temperatures and heatwaves, fires, storms and floods hurting people – not at the end of the century, but today. “That was when everything clicked. “I got a depression,” she says. “It was a very dark point in my life. I was unable to do anything and was just sort of surviving.” Cerezo-Mota recovered to continue her work: “We keep doing it because we have to do it, so [the powerful] cannot say that they didn’t know. We know what we’re talking about. They can say they don’t care, but they can’t say they didn’t know.” In Mérida on the Yucatán peninsula, where Cerezo-Mota lives, the heat is ramping up. “Last summer, we had around 47C maximum. The worst part is that, even at night, it’s 38C, which is higher than your body temperature. It doesn’t give a minute of the day for your body to try to recover.” She says record-breaking heatwaves led to many deaths in Mexico. “It’s very frustrating because many of these things could have been avoided. And it’s just silly to think: ‘Well, I don’t care if Mexico gets destroyed.’ We have seen these extreme events happening everywhere. There is not a safe place for anyone. “I think 3C is being hopeful and conservative. 1.5C is already bad, but I don’t think there is any way we are going to stick to that. There is not any clear sign from any government that we are actually going to stay under 1.5C.”

continue reading

[greenandhazy]

I have a coworker who I think is just… mediocre at our job and I’m really unsure what to do about it.

Like, a significant portion of our jobs involves walking visitors through interactive presentations, and he often delivers 50% of the details that me and my other coworker do, his delivery just sounds off (not super conversational, sounds like he is rattling off stuff by rote and already preparing to move on), and he spends a lot of time talking about his own perspective (yeah I didn’t know that either, I never used this, my memories of this are different) in a way that just… doesn’t come off expert in the way I think we should? We all chat a little bit about our personal experiences a little, but for the rest of us it’s just little details we throw in to connect and enhance our presentation, and for him it seems like… he doesn’t really know anything except his own experiences.

And it’s not technically my job to give him feedback. I’ve corrected him here and there on actual facts he got wrong, but it’s hard to know how to do this overall because like… we do have leeway to omit or elaborate on things as needed? It’s not like we have a “you MUST say XYZ facts” policy for every interaction. It honestly seems like he needs the kind of in-depth training we’ve never done at my job because everyone else has been… better at this… but our boss doesn’t work on Saturdays which is the main day we do this, so she doesn’t really get a chance to see him perform this work.

I could just go to my boss and tell her “he’s bad at this,” but I’m not sure how much of my reaction is MY standards as opposed to institutional standards, and I don’t necessarily want to come off as overly-critical.

Especially because I’ve already gone to her about one of our security guards, who is just always doing way Too Much (pulling kids away from exhibits to make them do activities, giving long explanations about activities that don’t need them, introducing people to exhibits that don’t need explanations and getting facts wrong because that’s not her job). So I feel like I have already dipped into my “bitching about coworkers quota,” and I think I have to remind her of that conversation because the security guard hasn’t stopped. I might have to pick my battles on this one.

Also I really need a break. I’ve had a few days off here and there in the past month or two, but I seriously need like a week.

[boots-with-the-fur-club]

Chapter 5 of the reincarnation fic!! Please make sure to check the tags, this chapter deals with some potentially triggering situations.

@daboyau

@rottmnt-background-screenshots

Leo wakes up in frustration.

“It ends there? We barely started to hear anything! Tomo, did you get any memories about Haru?”

There’s silence.

“What?”

“You called me Tomo.” Donnie replies.

“…..You know what I meant!”

“No, I don’t remember anything about her. It’s only vague feelings.”

“Gram-Gram said that the dreams would be more unfocused. Maybe we’d have to tap into our ninpo again to see what he was talkin about.” Raph comments.

“But we can’t, dad won’t let us!” Mikey pouts.

Leo thinks for a moment.

“He stopped us because he thinks it’s dangerous right? So, if we got some more help, he’d probably let us. I say we call in an expert!”

“And who, pray tell, are we going to get?” Donnie raises an eyebrow.

Leo smirks.

“Aprilllll O’Neil is here! And I brought breakfast pizza.” She proudly holds up a stack of three boxes.

“Right on time and as glorious as ever.” Leo and her share a fist bump.

April sets the pizzas down on the table and sits next to them. They explain the situation while eating.

“Woah….that’s pretty heavy. You guys seriously can’t catch a break for even a second.”

“We might if you’ll help us!”

“Of course I will. I’ve said yes to a lot crazier things, and this’ll be easy.”

“You’re the best!” Mikey hugs her.

“Anything for you guys.” She pats his head.

They eventually head to Raph’s room, sitting in a circle like they did in the other room. April instructs them to do what they had done before, but also tells them to not think about the memories as theirs. She wants them to try to imagine themselves as observers to help with gaining access to different memories.

Everyone begins holding hands, leaving April and Donnie as the last ones. For some reason, he feels nervous. April smiles at him warmly which puts him at ease. He finally takes her hand and suddenly feels a memory bubble up to the surface.

April’s methods seemed to have worked too because he’s actually seeing Tomo and the room he’s currently in. He was practicing with a bo staff but sort of fumbling with it.

The sliding door to the room opened, causing him to drop the staff in surprise. Giggling starts coming from the open door.

“Haru! You scared me!”

“You knew I’d be here after your lesson, it’s not my fault!” She gets up from her kneeling position and closes the door behind herself.

“Nobody saw you?”

“I’m always super careful. No more talking, I want to help already!” She smiles and walks closer, picking up the extra bo staff from the floor.

“It’s not fair. I actually get training but you only sneak in to watch and you’re better than me.”

Haru moves the staff with somewhat more control than he had.

“It’s because you get too much in your own head. You’re letting everyone pressure you too much.”

“I’m supposed to be good at this. Everyone else is, you are. They should let you train, I don’t understand what being a girl has to do with it.”

“For some reason it means I need to focus on cooking and cleaning. I don’t hate it, I like knowing how to cook, but I want to do stuff like this too. I also think you should learn how to cook, you’re pretty bad at it.”

Tomo pouts.

“I’m bad at a lot of things apparently.”

“So what? You worry about now but you don’t think about later. Later, you’re going to be so good with the bo staff you might even be able to win against me.”

“I only have trouble because when you get bored you start holding it weird.“

“Weird? Hmmm….you mean….like this!?” She changes the position of her hands like it’s a bat.

“Haru no! Not again!”

“Fight me!” She starts chasing him.

He runs away, but they laugh harder the longer they run after each other.

Donnie wanted to find this nice, but considering how Tomo felt and what he knows, he’d be setting himself up for tragedy.

Tomo and Haru’s names are eventually called. They leave their bo staffs in the room, open up the door, and rush out.

The entire scenery changes. The room changes to one covered in what seemed like carefully crafted decorations. Haru was hunched over a small table that was low to the ground.

Donnie glances around to see where Tomo was and is surprised when he enters the room. April had mentioned being able to see what the others remembered using this view but Haru wasn’t here.

It shouldn’t be like this.

“Haru?” Tomo puts a hand on her shoulder.

She sits up, eyes filled with tears.

“I’m scared, Tomo.”

“What? Why? What happened? Has someone hurt you!?”

“N-No, mother keeps talking about being ready to get married when I’m older.”

“Oh….why are you scared? That won’t be for a while.”

“I asked her if she had someone picked out already. She does.”

“Is his family bad?”

“I don’t know, but what I do know is that they live in Tohoku.”

Tomo freezes.

“But….we live in Kyushu.”

Haru tears up more and nods.

“A letter a year, if I’m lucky. That’s how much we’d be able to talk to each other. I-If I’m not….it’s never again….”

Tomo tears up but quickly wipes his eyes.

“I can fix this, I’ll talk to mother, there has to be something I can do!” He turns to leave.

Haru grabs his sleeve.

“There’s no point! Please, Tomo, this isn’t something you fix. There’s nothing we can do.”

“Then what is this? What am I supposed to do?”

“L-Lie. Tell me it’ll be okay. Tell me that we won’t have to be separated. Tell me that we aren’t going to just stop talking one day and I’ll have to forget that you ever existed!” Haru grips his sleeve even tighter.

Tomo’s eyes widen before he barrels into her with a hug.

“Please, never forget me. I’m not a twin without you Haru! I don’t mean anything!”

She hugs him back as tightly as possible.

“We will never stop being twins. No matter what family I marry into. I’m sorry for what I said, I don’t want to forget you! I just hate it all! We won’t even have the same family name anymore! What will I have of you!?”

Tomo thinks for a moment and let’s go of her to untie the yellow cord from his hair.

“This.”

“Your…..kanzashi?”

“It’s not a lot, but it’s something nobody would take away from you or stop you from having.” He ties her hair up with it in a low ponytail.

She looks into a mirror.

“My hair looks just like yours always does.”

“You may not be able to see me in the future…..but you can remember what I look like. Obviously you’re a girl so it’ll change, but we have the same eyes and the same smile. You’re never going to be without me.”

Haru smiles.

“You’re the best brother ever.”

“I know that. I’m your only brother.”

“Then am I the best sister?”

“I don’t have any other choice.”

She turns to him and shoves his cheek. Neither of them seemed particularly upset despite it.

Everything changes once again. Haru and Tomo were sitting outside on the deck of their home. The leaves on the ground whirled around a bit in the wind.

“Tomo?”

“Yes?”

“You’d tell me if something bad was going to happen, right?”

“It depends.”

“Really? You wouldn’t just tell me?”

“Ask me the question you’re really thinking about.”

“You’ve been training a lot more. It makes me think something bad is happening. Is it?”

Tomo goes silent for a moment.

“I don’t know. I really don’t. Nobody is telling me anything either. I’m just….thinking about later, like you said.”

“I guess my advice wasn’t so bad, especially since you’ve gotten much better.”

“I started thinking about one thing instead of a lot of things. It helped.”

“Oh yeah? What?”

“Protecting you.”

“I don’t need protecting, you know that.”

“I know you’re better at it than me, but if there is a time you need my help I want to be ready. That’s all.”

“You’re lucky I know what a worrier you are or I’d be mad at you.”

“And you’re lucky you have a worrier looking after you.”

“I’m the older twin, I don’t need looking after either.”

“Only by five minutes!”

“It still counts!”

“You never let me forget it.”

“I’m just reminding you of the amazing fact that you never had to live in a world I didn’t exist.”

“But you had to be in pain for five whole minutes without me.”

She leans her head on his shoulder, kicking her legs a bit.

“Five minutes too long.”

There’s yet another location change, as well as season as there’s snow all over the ground.

Tomo and Haru seemed to be visiting an isolated temple with their parents. Several men surrounded them, highly on guard.

“Are we really safe out here?” Haru holds onto Tomo’s arm.

“This is a sacred place, that will make anyone think twice about hurting us.” Tomo tried to sound calm but he was just as nervous.

Their mother placed down a wooden board of food and began to pray in front of it.

Tomo couldn’t help but be distracted, scanning the forested area around them. Something bright in the trees catches his eye.

He immediately pulls Haru onto the floor, covering her with his body and shutting his eyes tight. He only opens his eyes when he hears a gurgling noise.

The food was splashed with red. He didn’t want to look higher than that. He didn’t have to.

“Tomo! What happened!?” Haru struggles against his weight.

He only covers her more, making sure she can’t see a thing.

The guards close in on them more. There’s a lot of shouting and chaos. Men start coming out from the forest. Then, suddenly, he and Haru are lifted from the ground. He still scrambles to try to somehow cover her eyes.

It doesn’t work.

“Mother! Mother!! Father, we can’t leave her behind! She’s hurt!“

“She’s dead! There’s nothing we can do!” Their father takes off running with them in his arms.

Haru sobs while Tomo is in a state of complete shock. He can’t say or do anything in response.

After some time of running, the same men from earlier are coming after them. There’s less than last time but they’re still outnumbered.

Their father takes a moment to place them on the ground before unsheathing his swords. He hands the smaller one to Tomo.

“Take this and protect your sister! Run! Now!”

Tomo snaps out of it almost immediately, grabbing Haru’s hand with the one that isn’t occupied before running off into the forest.

They could hear the clanging of metal behind them. The sounds of someone running in the snow joined moments after.

Tomo’s eyes dart around the landscape. Eventually, there’s a snow bank to his side. He stops, allowing Haru to get next to him, then shoves her in.

It was so thick she’d be covered if she kept still. He breathes heavily as the man chasing them comes into view. His hands refuse to stop shaking.

The man laughs at him. Tomo was the least intimidating thing in the world at the moment. Still, he tried to at least give himself a little bit of a chance.

He held the sword out as best he could. The man came quickly at him, so fast that there was no chance to do anything.

Haru suddenly jumped out from the snowbank. She grabbed the man’s legs, causing him to fall.

Once he gets his bearings back slightly, the man slices at her. Tomo screams and stabs at him until the man stops moving. Only when he’s sure he won’t hurt them anymore does he drop the sword and pull his sister away.

“Haru! Why couldn’t you just stay in the snow!?”

“I-I couldn’t just let him kill you. Y-You were going to die.”

Tomo tears up heavily as he looks for the wound. The breath is nearly knocked out of him when he sees how bad it is.

“But now…..”

“T-Tomo. I-It’s okay.”

“No! None of this is okay! I was supposed to keep you safe!”

“My….my biggest fear….do you know what it was?”

“Don’t say was!” He presses down on her wound.

She shouts in pain, trying to get him to stop.

“T-Tomo!”

“I’m not letting you die like this!”

She breathes heavily, no longer stopping him but leaving her hands on his.

“I-It was be-being in a world wh-where I didn’t have you….th-that’s why….” Her hands start slipping.

“No no no, don’t you do it! What about being twins!? Haru!”

She mumbles something.

He holds her up, hugging her.

“H-Haru?”

“….Re…flection….” She whispers.

Her body goes still.

Tomo screams out in anguish, not wanting to let her go even now.

Donnie feels like his heart is about to shatter. It’s somehow even worse than he imagined. He and his brothers came back. Their deaths weren’t exactly permanent. Haru was gone. Tomo was never getting her back.

He sees the yellow cord drop onto the snow from her hair. A cold wind picks it up, flying it away. Donnie knows he can’t exactly interact with a 1,000 year old memory but he can’t help but grab at it.

Surprisingly, it lands in his hand. This is the first time he’s looked at himself in this ninpo energy memory place as an observer. His hand was completely purple and sort of see through.

The yellow cord glows then morphs into a new shape. He was holding hands with Haru. There was hardly a moment to take this in before her form grows, changing again.

“April….?”

[project1939]

200 Films of 1952

Film number 161: Breaking the Sound Barrier (aka, The Sound Barrier)

Release date: Dec 6th, 1952 

Studio: London Film Productions/British Lion Films 

Genre: drama 

Director: David Lean 

Producer: David Lean 

Actors: Ralph Richardson, Ann Todd, Nigel Patrick, John Justin 

Plot Summary: J.R., a wealthy British airplane manufacturer, helped design a jet engine that makes breaking the sound barrier possible. A brilliant test pilot is chosen for the first flight, but he is also J.R.’s son-in-law. J.R.’s daughter Sue is frantic with worry over her husband’s safety, and she cannot understand why his life must be put into such danger. 

My Rating (out of five stars): ***¾  

This is an early David Lean film made just a few years before he became a superstar with The Bridge on the River Kwai, Lawrence of Arabia, and Doctor Zhivago. This is a much smaller and simpler film than those, and if you hadn’t told me Lean directed this, I don’t think I would have guessed. Overall, this was enjoyable, and it definitely had its thrilling moments, but my main problem with it was the balance between the thrilling moments in the air and the family drama on the ground. (some spoilers!)

The Good: 

Ralph Richardson as John/J.R. His performance was very moving. For the first ¾ of the film, it was easy to believe he was just a cold unemotional man with a laser focus on work. As the plot unfolds, it slowly becomes apparent that it is absolutely not the truth. The script lays most of the burden to communicate this on Richardson, and he runs with it. 

Ann Todd as Sue. I immediately liked her- she wore very little makeup throughout, she had a wit about her, she was pretty in a fresh appealing way, and she didn’t completely succumb to the “Hollywood Good Wife Syndrome.” She caught a case of it, for sure, but thankfully it wasn’t deadly.  

Nigel Patrick as Tony, Sue’s test pilot husband. He was dashing, charming, and very likeable. 

The highlight of the movie was all the exciting flying scenes. There were several of them, and most were either real or highly convincing. They were edited and paced well to draw you in and keep your eyes glued to the screen. 

There were lots of real locations used and actual flying footage. It didn’t feel like a soundstage film. 

The orchestra in the background was fantastic. I enjoyed the score as well, but the orchestra itself sounded so beautiful I had to remind myself a couple of times to actually watch the movie and not just listen to it. 

The emotional complexity of J.R. As I mentioned when I discussed Richardson, I think the actual heart of the movie is this story arc. Because of Richardson’s performance and the delicate way it was written and shot, it was very affecting. 

The traumatic plot twist about 1 hour and 20 minutes in. I did NOT see it coming, and when it did, I kept writing “No! No! No!” in my notes. It was a very brave choice to make at that particular time within the film. In most films an event of this kind would either happen near the beginning or near the end. There was still 35 minutes of runtime in this. I give that plus marks for the uniqueness and audacity, and I think it ultimately made the film more powerful. 

I liked the relationship that developed between J.R. and Tony, his son-in-law. The way they became close tugged at my heart-stings, and yet the film never really veered toward the sentimental.

The Bad: 

Erasing Chuck Yeager from history! Now, I am no aviation expert, but even going into this film, I could have told you that American Chuck Yeager was actually the first person to break the sound barrier. How did I know that? From a movie, of course! 1983’s The Right Stuff! 

The film had a difficult time explaining why breaking the sound barrier was important. It seemed very hesitant to talk about the Soviets or Communism, or anything to do with the military. That was frustrating, especially when Sue was desperately trying to understand it herself. 

This movie was a mixture of a family drama and an adventure/thriller, and it didn’t work as well as it could have. The balance between the two was off for me- I think too much time was spent on family stuff, and not enough on the actual flying. I appreciated that it didn’t just half-heartedly cram in a little bit of family stuff, which is what most adventure films do, but it may have swung too far to the other side. 

Wow, the movie certainly believed baby boys were better than baby girls! It was deemed hugely important that Sue give birth to a boy.  

Women in the film were minimized in other ways- all of them were housewives who worried while the men went off to do important manly things. HOWEVER, this film gets a lot of points for making characters like Sue and Jess fairly well rounded. Neither of those women were just sweet little pushovers. Sue also appeared to have been in the Service at some point.

Oh god, more East Asian racism! It’s thankfully been quite awhile since this kind of “humor” has reared its disgusting head in my 1952 watchlist, but this was one of those horrible “Chinaman” jokes told for “comedic relief.” The less said, the better. 

There was a pretty clunky scene that used Sue as a conduit for the probable aeronautic ignorance of the audience. It briefly became an educational film that spelled things out like a mini-lecture on what the sound barrier actually was, the requirements for breaking it, and the dangers of doing so. It was helpful for me to have some things explicitly explained, but as a scene it felt awkward and contrived. It also seemed dubious that Sue would've been totally ignorant of this.

[accustiv-archived]

@audaciiae sent: 📔 wait i also wanna see beaus notes about kit/the chameleon hehehe / accepting

a collection of experts from the records of beau carnegie regarding kit harris:

Entry 162 .

The Chameleon went to Oxygen today. The actual Chameleon. Apparently it was their birthday? Apparently they booked with Alex. Apparently they were wasted. Cas seemed super excited, which makes sense, but I also have a really bad feeling about this. I don’t think we need to be circling someone like that right now. Whatever, absolutely wild they’re only like 22.

Entry 173 .

Kit Harris. 22 years old. Fake redhead, fake RP accent. Currently operating out of Los Angeles. Currently fucking Alex Stanwick. Like right now. I had to hide in the bathroom until it was clear for me to get out. I haven’t asked Jack what info she has on them, I don’t need to, I can do my own homework.

Entry 176 .

Kit is taking Alex on a heist. I guess that means Cas is in their crew now? He’s being vague with the details, but from what I gather it’s Kit that doesn’t have a real plan, not that he doesn’t want to tell me. Kit’s operation is a little hard to understand, I genuinely don’t think there’s much actual structure? Loyal crew, though, which is always a concern when you’re lying to someone like that - loyalty is a lot harder to circumvent than job security.

Entry 181 .

They won’t leave him alone they won’t leave him alone they won’t leave him the fuck alone !!!!

Entry 189 .

This is the third time Casper has taken Kit’s target from them before they get the chance, and Kit’s still no closer to figuring out it’s him by the looks of it. I’ve asked him to stop. He won’t.

I have been looking into them as much as I can, there’s just nothing there. I found a few possible missing persons who could possibly be connected to the Chameleon, teenager that went missing from Chicago, a Scottish tourist that vanished in Cancun, a French Canadian hospital patient, and a Floridian who went to Mykonos and never came back. The dates all match up roughly, all of the cases have really suspiciously haphazard records, and I have absolutely no idea if any of them are anything at all or if I’m just wasting my time. I don’t like knowing who I’m dealing with. Who he’s dealing with. I don’t like it.

Entry 190 .

I think Kit stole M’s cheque. $25k taken from the safe? I know it wasn’t me, even if Casper seemed to think it was… I know it wasn’t me, I don’t steal from the house, what the fuck? He said Kit wouldn’t, that they would just break the lock rather than pick it, that he didn’t see any of their crew either, that they wouldn’t do that to him. But??? Kit doesn’t know Casper, they only know Alex, and Alex wouldn’t give a shit?

It was Kit, I know it was. But he won’t listen to me… I think he’s actually falling for his own con? I want to get out. I want him to get out. I don’t know what to do.

Entry 348 .

I fucked Kit... shit.

Entry 349 .

Cas gets out tomorrow. I’m going to pick him up. I don’t know if he’ll listen to me. I don’t know if I’ll be able to warn him. Kit wants to do some big reveal before things kick off, they have a flair for the dramatic, in case that hasn’t become excruciatingly obvious. From what they’ve told me it’s the manuscripts they’re after, I’ve checked the storage units I had access to, and found nothing. Kit’s also been looking, but I haven’t asked for details yet, I don’t want to show my hand too early. They still haven’t introduced me to anyone else in their crew, so I know they don’t trust me for shit, which means I am going to have to keep myself as unsuspicious as I can for as long as I can. If Kit wants those manuscripts, I want to know why. Then I can start to think.

Entry 361 .

They’re actually going to kill me.

Kit came round today, apparently Casper hasn’t been as thorough with his bug sweeps as I thought. They heard everything. I don’t know how much longer I can do this, I don’t know how much time I have left to win them back before they give up and just get rid of me. I don’t even know why I’m doing this anymore - I don’t know what I thought this would achieve, I don’t know why I’m so stupid. He doesn’t give a shit about me, I know that, so why can’t I just let Kit have him? Sometimes I think that’s what he wants anyway.

Anyway, the cut’s minor. If there’s a scar it will be minimal. So that’s something.

Entry 491 .

Fuck. Alright.

I’m encrypting these records with new software, and then I’m going to stop updating. If anyone finds these it will be Jack. I don’t even know why I’ve kept them this long. I don’t know what the point is. I don’t know. But I know someone’s going to die soon, I’m going to die soon. If I don’t leave, I will be killed. If I don’t draw a line under this fucked up toxic twisted bullshit between Casper and Kit, one of them will finally snap and kill me… Probably Kit. Probably to get to Casper - like that would ever work. Neither of them will notice I’m gone, not until they need something from me, anyway. I’m not going to say where I’m going. I’m not going to say when I’m leaving. Kit’s been too deep in my head for too long for me to even know if this is my choice, and the longer I stay pining for Casper, the harder it gets for me to see the surface. I’m drowning. I’m tired. I don’t want to be a pawn anymore. So I’m out.

Jack, if you do find this; I missed you.

Swiss Accounts are Here Here and Here.

Cayman Accounts Here and Here.

Bank of America Here.

HSBC Here.

Storage unit coordinates Here and Here.

I don’t need them anymore. The money’s yours.

If its Cas or Kit reading this? I have nothing left to say. Fuck you both.

[trulyinspiringmovies]

El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie

“El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie” did not have to exist, but I’m so glad that it does.

Jesse Pinkman is finally free from the torment that Walter White has caused him for so many years, but he’s not in the clear just yet. He’s still being chased by the law. Remembering back to a conversation he had with his good friend, Mike Ehrmantraut, he decides to start his new life in Alaska. Scrounging up the money to do so isn’t going to be easy, but he uses the experiences he’s gained over the years to help him finally get the second chance he deserves.

I’ve always said I have two favorite television shows. My favorite animated television show is “Adventure Time”. My favorite live-action television show is “Breaking Bad”. I got into the show back when I was in high school and actually taking Chemistry class. I couldn’t believe just how good the show was. After each episode, I was desperate to watch the next. When they announced that they were making a movie, I was excited, but I kept pushing the movie off. Admittedly, I was scared of what this movie might retroactively do to the show for me. Eventually, I told myself that I would watch the movie after rewatching the show so I could have it fresh in my mind. Well, I finally got the opportunity to watch the show again and I’m glad I did. I realized how much of the show I had gotten wrong. When I was in high school, I genuinely believed that Walt was the good guy. In my mind, he was the noble man of the house who would give anything, even his reputation, to provide for his family. As an adult, I see that he had successfully manipulated me into believing his lies. Although this movie didn’t need to exist due to the fact that the show was so perfectly crafted, this is a great supplementary part of the universe for fans of the show. I know a lot of people were complaining about how lackluster this movie was, but I don’t think the criticisms are fair. I think a lot of people were looking for the same highs of “Breaking Bad��, but this movie was never set out to do that. It was just trying to tell the story of Jesse earning his freedom after the events of the show. That’s not to say that this movie lacked any form of highs. When the movie wanted to, it raised the tension in such engaging ways. It genuinely took me back to the days when I was first watching “Breaking Bad” and the situation got cranked up to eleven. Every scene of Todd’s apartment was electrifying to watch and only heightened by Vince Gilligan’s direction. The movie also brings back experimental shots that were a staple for the show and they look phenomenal. There’s expert use of camera blocking, dynamic camera movement that truly sucks you into the action, and a top-down POV shot that felt like the next level of those experimental shots. This movie also gets unfairly criticized for having way too many flashbacks. I found it to be just a part of the structure of the movie’s storytelling. It wasn’t intrusive because it was always meant to be the B-plot. It also helped inform the decisions of Jesse in the present day. I also found the flashbacks to retroactively make the unseen parts of the show feel lived in. It makes the characters truly feel like they had their own lives going on outside the scope of Walter White. It’s done with small things like private, introspective conversations between friends and the home lives of secondary characters. The movie also introduces characters that weren’t important to Walt, but definitely affected Jesse in major ways. Yes, bringing fan-favorite characters could be viewed as fan service, but their inclusion felt like much more than that for me. These characters were not just important to the fans, but to Jesse himself. Of course, having them in his flashbacks is important. They shaped him to be the man he is today. I think the one small criticism I could have is how different a lot of the actors look. Vince Gilligan could’ve used makeup or CGI to make them look like how they did in the show, but it’s not distracting at all. Jesse Plemons’s weight gain seemed to be the biggest target of this criticism, but once he starts talking, to me, he’s Todd again. They’re actors and you should judge them on their ability to slip back into these characters after so many years. Not a single one of the returning actors missed a beat. They all felt like they’d been their characters even after the show had wrapped up. I don’t think it’s fair to let aging, something no one can control, be the reason why the movie didn’t work for you. All in all, this was a movie made for the fans of the show, which there are a lot of considering “Breaking Bad” is seen by many as the greatest television show of all time. If you loved that show and wanted just a little bit more, then this movie delivers and then some. It not only doesn’t ruin the show, but also enhances it in some aspects. It stays true to the tone of the show, but also feels like a natural elevation due to the fact that it’s a full-fledged movie now. Definitely give it a watch if you love the show as much as I do.

★★★★★

Watched on January 2nd, 2022

[ruminate88]

Digestive problems after emotional abuse:

I was completely in the dark about my digestive health…… When I was texting my ex Andrew, there was times he would ignore me for days or hours, but then always come back and act like everything was fine and so if I was out in public with family and Andrew was upsetting me, I would go to the bathroom to text him and find myself just in there forever, trying to find the right words to say to him, to express my feelings and try to make him understand me, but I know now he was NEVER going to understand me because he didn’t really care about me. He was just using me for my nudes..

And family would make comments to me like “Why do you take so long in the bathroom?” 😳😓😣 and of course I didn’t want to talk about Andrew to family because I knew they would want to see pictures of him and talk to him and meet him and I had already tried to meet Andrew’s family but he said he wasn’t ready yet. He said he wanted to “get to know me more, but he promised me he was going to introduce me to his mom and dad” and I was waiting so patiently……

so in using the bathroom during those times to text Andrew, I can’t really say I remember if my digestive health was doing good or not because my whole focus was on keeping peace with Andrew, keeping it a happy relationship and not pushing him away. Not upsetting him and making him ignore me again cuz every time he came back to me, I was more on eggshells wanting so bad to keep him!!!! because when he was actually spending time with me, I was so happy and I didn’t want the happiness to end, but it always did!!! 😔💔

Also, I don’t like to talk about Jake much because it’s just too much, but Jake for YEARS was very critical of me most of the time always showing up after a break up pretending to be my “friend” who cares so much about me but yet he was consistently putting me down and I didn’t know why he was bullying me so much. So of course that kept me in survival mode. I just didn’t understand it back then.

Not until I’ve blocked Andrew AND Jake, got married to a guy nice and then Covid happened, then my eyes opened to the fact that I had been losing hair and that it’s like my gut just gave way. I started to have so much burning in my esophagus and no one knew why…… I randomly lost over 25 pounds within two weeks!! I tried to seek out a doctor, but it was during Covid and so it was hard to see a doctor in person and I started trying different medicines and of course I couldn’t eat so I lost even more weight!!! (I wasn’t a big person to start with)

After I learned about emotional abuse and learned about “flight or fight mode”, “survival mode” and then what happens when you get out of that and start to relax. Your body basically stops tightening so much and can make your gut relax but also give way. (I can’t explain it, I’m not a health expert so don’t just take my advice only. This is what what I’ve experienced.) anyway, I then began to treat myself a little differently now that I know that it’s most likely digestive issues.

i’ve started taking various vitamins, including magnesium citrate. I’m taking it in a powder form where you pour it into water and drink it, and that has helped a lot, and I was taking a probiotic digestive gummy, which I didn’t realize how much it was helping until I stopped taking it and now suddenly I’m having digestive issues again… coincidence much? For the most part, I’ve been able to eat whatever I want, but within reason, and there is certain foods, I’ve stayed away from as they are very hard to digest.

I’ve seen videos of testimonials where women say they got “sick” after or during emotional abuse but when they go to the doctor, the doctor can not find anything wrong with them … so that also makes me question IF a doctor would even find anything wrong with me or is this truly psychological? You know the body, soul and mind is all one. So your body reacts to your mindset. I’ve tried to think positively towards my body. Tried to free my mind to let myself think that I’m OK and that nothing is wrong with me but whenever I have “flareups” which is rare because I have kept my gut health under control, but the flareups are painful when they happen. It’s just so upsetting and I can’t eat. I’m sluggish too.

my only advice for right now, is to not give up. Hope to keep going on your healing journey keep growing and learning, releasing the trauma, forgiving the past and yourself learning to trust yourself again, which is a really hard one for me and having self-control in your diet. If you know, certain foods are only going to hurt your stomach, then as much as you want to eat them, maybe you shouldn’t. but this is just me. I’m not a doctor so I can’t really tell you what to do. Every person is different.

also I seen a video the other day where somebody said they rubbed some kind of magnesium oil on their feet before they went to bed and that it really helped their digestive a lot. I haven’t looked it up yet, but I am curious as to if that’ll be better than the powder form, I’m taking currently.

Praying too is sometimes hard cuz you carry so much shame and weight from the past and you feel disconnected from self and God but praying over your stomach and laying your hand on the parts of you where you believe the trauma is stored. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I’m not crazy and you’re not crazy. Your stomach hurts and people have accused me of purposely losing weight. Idk if they think I’m trying to be “vain” or what but it’s no so 🥺🥺🥺 I didn’t ask to be a skeleton, it just happened….

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Creating potions, admiring plum blossoms, and learning how to let go of past regrets

I’m back in Tigerfang to meet up with Sara, Alexi, Kiana, and Lumine to experiment with potions and enjoy the plum blossoms in bloom. I wouldn’t say I’m an expert in potions, but I guess it’s safe to say that I picked up a lot of knowledge from quite a few friends who are.

While I’m aware that Sara and Lumine know quite a bit about potions and decoctions, it’s news to me that Alexi and Kiana have an interest in that. Alexi, especially, I wouldn’t have expected her to be well acquainted with Lumine, but it turns out they became acquainted online for years now. However, it wasn’t until Alexi began traveling more did they start becoming good friends.

In fact, Alexi was at a convention in Fablerealm, which is about an hour from Tigerfang, and since she had some free time, she decided to stick around. She’s been super busy with work and personal life stuff, so she could use a break before getting back into the grind.

Turns out Emma was there too, though she couldn’t stay for long. Since she and Alexi are part of Pillars of Stone and Flame, it’s natural that the latest interview with some of the devs came up. We all play the game as it’s been popular since its launch a couple years ago and are still invested in the story. The interview isn’t in English, but people have translated what they said.

To be honest, I’m not too interested in sitting through the whole thing as others have said there’s nothing really new, but I looked into that part people were talking about, and I agree it came across as rude and unprofessional. Basically, that dev made a comment along the lines about how players who don’t care too much about the story should just drop the game at this point because they don’t deserve to be part of the community, in a snobby tone. Yeah, I get why those kinds of players are annoying, especially since this is a story driven game, but that tone just came across as stuck up, even if said as a joke. And this is coming from someone who is invested in the story.

And if that sounds bad when taken out of context, it’s worse when you see the actual clip. Like, I get the vibe that the other devs sitting next to her were kinda annoyed with her attitude throughout the video. The whole thing was so ridiculous that it kinda became a meme. I mean, what that dev said would be considered cringe - like, it’s not that deep, bro, kind of thing. Just because you are more invested in the lore than most, that doesn’t make you the superior one. That said, I hope she isn’t getting too much flack for it, but her whole “I’m better than you because I’m x,” or something, isn’t doing her any favors.

And again, she just comes across as a gatekeeping snob in general, which is what Alexi and Kiana said as they watched the whole thing. The rest of the interview, like everyone said, wasn’t anything new, so if it wasn’t for that dev, no one would’ve cared too much about it. Kiana went as far to say that she reminded her of a certain someone who recently caused trouble not too long ago.

That certain someone is part of the reason why Lumine and Sara are making potions. It’s for a fundraiser for the Magnolia Clinic, which is run by Aida Quincy, Kiana’s distant cousin and a good friend of Tony’s. The clinic isn’t in need of funds, but they thought it would be a good way to teach people who are interested the basics of potion making as well as help the clinic out. In other words, a two birds with one stone kind of thing.

Basically, the connection between potion making and the Magnolia Clinic has to do with a couple of the patients, Beryl and Anna, both who are experts in potions. Anna was actually an instructor for a time, and was said to be one of the best. Unfortunately, despite her achievements, her personal problems eventually overshadowed her reputation to the point that she was actively endangering herself and didn’t care.

Anna, like many of the patients at the clinic, are undergoing treatment for alcoholism. Aida and her husband Spence started the clinic after their niece, Maggie, a teenage alcoholic, committed suicide after getting involved in a drunk driving accident that killed her friend. That certain someone Kiana compared that dev to happens to be Maggie’s mother, Spence’s sister.

Ever since Anna and Beryl reached out to Tony, Aida, and Kiana about starting an online introduction to potions course, Britt has been pretty much harassing all of them. To put it simply, she’s one of those people who thinks that if you make a mistake, no matter how big or small, you’re irredeemable.

Like, Anna and Beryl admit that they made some poor choices, but that doesn’t make them monsters, even if it was their fault. Sure, some things can’t really be forgiven, but what’s the point in trying to learn from your mistakes and becoming a better person if all your efforts get shot down? It’s like, why don’t you do something about it? But whenever you try, they’re like, no don’t do that, you’ve already fucked up once, what makes you think the same won’t happen again?

And that’s not the only issue I have with Britt. The way I see it, she tends to suffer from a black and white mindset, which is just not the way to go, in my opinion. Basically, to her, there’s two kinds of people. Person A is an uwu they’re poor, defenseless, can do no wrong, and need to be protected from the evil big bad because they’re helpless. Also, they aren’t allowed to speak for themselves or have their own opinions if they don’t line up with mine.

Then there’s person B, the useless and lazy one who’s only good for doing things for everyone else or else they’ll just sit there and be a bum. They too aren’t allowed to have different opinions because they’re too stupid to understand anything.

And I’m just like, how to you get anything done if that’s how you see other people? Maggie was Person A, in terms of Britt ignoring her daughter’s cries for help, especially after she confided to Spence and Aida that she needed help since her mother won’t listen. Then most people - Kiana, Lumine, Tony, Spence, and Aida, probably me as well - fall into Person B.

Overall, I think a big part of it is power and agency. Some people like having power over others, so they can easily swoop right in and take control of the situation. And when they inevitably lose control, they place the blame on whatever’s convenient so they don’t have to take responsibility.

Aida, Spence, and Tony, I think, tried their best to help Maggie. Obviously, the situation was complicated - Maggie, it seems, didn’t have a happy home life, which was why she resorted to drinking at a young age. I don’t blame Aida and Spence for feeling guilty, though at the same time, it was mostly out of their hands.

Maggie was in denial that she had a problem at first, but that was probably more her parents than anything. Her aunt and uncle were unaware that she had a drinking problem until Britt called Spence and Tony up in order to clear her of any criminal charges she might end up having in the accident that killed her friend. An investigation proved that Maggie wasn’t driving, so she was cleared, but that didn’t do too much for her.

As for Britt and her husband, they denied that their daughter needed help, and even went as far to prevent Maggie from contacting her aunt and uncle. And then she killed herself, probably out of hopelessness. Since then, Britt and her husband have been harassing Spence, Aida, Tony, and Kiana on and off over the years.

Kiana had suggested to Spence that he put a restraining order against Britt after a couple of incidents - nothing too serious, just safety concerns because he and Aida have a toddler - but he probably wants to leave that as a last resort. As far as I know, Britt and her husband are the only vocal opponents of the Magnolia Clinic, because, in their words, there’s no point in helping people like them because they don’t deserve it.

Well, if more people had that kind of mentality, most of us wouldn’t be here today, wouldn’t we? Lumine has said many times that she owes it to Tony and his family because she would be dead if they hadn’t taken her in, and she’s not exaggerating. She had been living on the streets as far as she could remember, and she did what she could to survive, even if it meant making poor choices - not that she had much of a say in that anyway.

Then she had the good fortune of wandering into Tigerfang while on the run after witnessing a robbery and murder. Of course, her troubles caught up with her, and she was picked up for an unrelated charge for stealing. The PI who was chasing after her told everyone that she was a good-for-nothing bum who was rotten from the start. However, Tony and Spence didn’t agree. What they saw was a troubled teenager who fell into a bad crowd because of unfair life circumstances.

Obviously, Lumine’s a success story - best possible outcome all around. But it wasn’t easy and she really had to work at it to clean up her act. She’s no saint, and she definitely has more bad days than she’d like to admit, but she refuses to give up, to give into the despair. Not everyone has the opportunity to change their ways like she did, so it’s not something she takes for granted. Just because she’s been clean and sober for years doesn’t mean that her past traumas are gone for good. They still affect her, and it’ll be a lifelong battle that she’ll have to learn to live with.

I think Lumine and Estella are very similar in a lot of ways, especially with how they tend to be vilified by some people because of their pasts. Some people are quick to write them off as damaged good, which I think is unfair and just mean. Like, it’s not their fault that they had shitty upbringings. And obviously, they clearly learned from their mistakes and take full responsibility, which is another big hurdle that’s not easy to deal with.

I mean, they don’t have to forgive them, but at least let them live their lives. Again, what’s the point of not letting someone do anything at all just because they fucked up. Isn’t it enough that they realized where they went wrong and are trying to change that? What do you expect them to do? Just curl up and die? I mean, maybe, but still…

Kiana’s another success story too as she managed to get away from her past - well, not completely, but she’s free for the most part. Basically, she grew up in a children’s home and was taken in by a shady organization that trained her in many things, mainly assassinations. The organization’s still there, but last she heard, it’s become weak and scattered, so the chances of anyone linking her with it are pretty slim, especially since it’s been over 10 years since she left.

Basically, she was taught to see herself as disposable and that what she was doing was for the greater good. As someone with a strong sense of justice, she truly believed that she was making the world a better place. Whether she did more harm than good or vice versa is still up for debate, and we’ll probably never really know the answer. Still, even though she’s long moved on, she says questions like this often keep her up at night.

In short, what happened, she said, was that she met someone who was kinda part of the organization - on probation, was the best she could describe it - and she opened her eyes to the world around her. That friend was highly skilled with weapons, but she refused to kill, which made the higher ups angry. Kiana said she wasn’t like the other girls she grew up with, mainly because she had a life outside of being a child soldier.

When Kiana got in trouble for disobeying orders, she was sent to that girl as a punishment, except it wound up having the opposite effect. Why they consider that punishment, she’s long given up trying to figure out their line of thinking. After her friend died, she realized that she couldn’t keep living like this, so she cut her ties and never looked back.

Starting over from scratch is never easy, probably even more so if you’re like Kiana. She was lucky to have help from people who have successfully left the organization. Because there isn’t much to her past, and she was a minor with hardly a paper trail - mainly because they made it intentional in terms of being easily disposable if she gets killed - it was kinda easy for her to forge a new identity without dealing with too many legal hassles. And it was even luckier that she found out that she had living family, a distant relative who also wanted to know more about her family.

In fact, her name, Kiana, is actually a nickname her friend started calling her. Her full name’s Takina, and her friend shortened it to Kina. However, other people mistook it for Kiana instead, so that ended up sticking. Unfortunately, even now, there’s still some confusion when trying to track her down as there’s still those who know her as Takina while pretty much everyone here only know her as Kiana. It’s kinda similar with Kaiji’s last name as he’s still referred to as Mikoshi instead of his married and legal name, Yashiro, so there’s some confusion there too. And yes, she had a recent encounter with someone trying to contact her and having trouble.

That said, I have a lot of respect for people like Lumine and Kiana. Again, they’ve had it rough and they have a lot of regrets, but they’ve learned to live with it. They had to learn the hard way and hit beyond rock bottom before realizing that they couldn’t just keep on living like that. So they pulled themselves up - clawed is probably much more accurate. It’s not easy, and it’s a constant uphill battle - but I think they’re doing a pretty good job.

As for Anna and Beryl, they’re nice people who had a lot of unlucky breaks. You can say that a lot of people at Magnolia suffer the same fate. But the fact that they’re here at the clinic means that they’re trying to turn things around. Like Anna said, she’s sick and tired of being sick and tired.

People make mistakes - some more than others - and we make bad choices - again, some worse than others - it’s just a fact of life. You can’t stop misfortune, pain, or suffering, nor should you let it get to your head. And whether you did everything right or wrong, it shouldn’t be a debate on whether or not you deserve a chance to turn things around.

I can’t save everybody, but if I see someone struggling in the water, how can I ignore their cries for help? Even if they are a shitty, terrible person, if they are trying to change their ways, who am I to ignore their efforts and try to cut them down? So maybe forgiveness isn’t an option, but you also aren’t obligated to stick around either. As long as they’re not causing more harm, then just let them be.

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