#i do tend to drink more at uni but already

[playingonedchess]

yeah rreckon i drank too much coffee again

[sxcret-garden]

3rd Desire ღ A Little Jealousy [M]

ღ Aspects of Desire series ღ Ateez Jongho x fem!reader ღ feat.: Yeosang & Wooyoung ღ words: ~4.8k ღ genre: established relationship, college AU, fluff, some humor, slice of life, smut (dom!Jongho, sub!reader, clothed sex, teasing, tiny bit of finger sucking (idol receiving), oral (idol receiving), he’s a lil mean again, hair pulling, biting, dacryphilia, bit of brat-taming, reader goes into subspace, sir kink, fingering (reader receiving), unprotected sex) ღ warnings: heavy dom-sub dynamic, (he runs his hand through reader’s hair and picks her up)

Desc.: When you’re meeting up with your classmate and friend Yeosang in order to finally finish that dreaded uni project that’s been keeping you on edge for the past weeks, you don’t expect him to bring along his flirtatious friend Wooyoung. What you also don’t expect is said friend knowingly attempting to flirt with you in front of your boyfriend, who just can’t help but let the hint of jealousy it makes him feel influence his actions once you’re in the comfort of your own home.

Author's note: This is actually one of my fav chapters so far, and 80% of the reason is because the first scene was so much fun to write kasjdfkljsöldka

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Arriving at the café a few minutes early, you find Yeosang already waiting for you. You came here from your university dorms, about 20 minutes by bus, so you didn’t expect to be late, but you tend to always leave a little earlier than you have to anyway, just to be sure.

Your meet-up place is a cute little café that turns out to be a lot more spacious than one would assume looking at it from the outside, and it serves all the classics, as well as a couple of drinks that are especially popular these days.

“Did everybody send you their parts?” you ask, starting up your laptop, while Wooyoung watches the alarm that’s supposed to tell you when your drinks are ready.

“I thought they were supposed to send them to you…?” Yeosang replies, eyes widened because he doesn’t want this meeting to already turn into a catastrophe. The frustration that your teammates have continuously nurtured with their incompetence over the past two weeks bubbles up deep inside you again, until you check your emails and you find that they did indeed send their parts to you.

“Sorry, my bad,” you sigh deeply.

“It can happen,” Yeosang assures you, while the alarm goes off, shaking the whole table as it vibrates, and Wooyoung immediately grabs it and gets up. You’re glad he’s at least being useful in that regard - otherwise you’re not sure why Yeosang brought his friend from an entirely different major along to your café date of hell.

“He insisted,” your teammate tells you upon posing your question. “Actually I don’t know why I brought him either.”

“Excuse me?!” Wooyoung exclaims in offense as he returns with your order, having heard his friend’s reply. But Yeosang is quick to wave it off.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” To your surprise his loud friend merely sits down while eyeing him with a doubtful expression, but he doesn’t say anything more to that. Finding yourself more fascinated than anything else by their dynamic, you shake your head eventually and redirect your attention to the screen in front of you. 

“I’ll send you the parts so we can go over them together,” you announce as you’re already dropping the files into your kakao chat with Yeosang, the familiar tone coming from the speakers of his laptop signaling an incoming message that tells you he received them quickly. Wooyoung leans in, nosily looking at the files his friend is opening.

“Looks good… if you ignore the formatting,” Yeosang shades, making you chuckle, and Wooyoung lets you hear a loud “Hey!”

“You didn’t do yours any better!” he teases Yeosang, attempting to pinch his side but his friend evades the attack. 

“Personal space,” he just remarks, pushing Wooyoung away with his flat palm against his cheek. Once again you find yourself fascinated by their cartoonish behaviour most of all, but you don’t comment on what just unfolded in front of your eyes. “And also, mine doesn’t look very interesting, but at least it has the correct formatting.”

“Yeah, this professor doesn’t really have an eye for aesthetics,” you add, grinning yet unhappy about the way the paper you were supposed to put together looks overly sterile. “But I guess that’s what science wants.”

“Well, the contents are what matters,” Yeosang adds, this time not defending himself when Wooyoung throws an arm around his shoulders, but you can tell he’s not happy about the pda. With curious eyes he leans in, skimming through the text on Yeosang’s screen, and you give him an annoyed sigh. You really just want to finish this damn project already, before it consumes any more of your nerves. 

“Oh. Sorry,” Wooyoung grins as he notices your distress, moving away from the computer as he straightens his back, and you’re not sure what to make of his reaction. Telling yourself to focus on the problem at hand instead of him, you begin pasting the text into one collective document, while Yeosang starts reading through everything in search of any possible errors.

“Looks good,” he eventually announces, and you agree, having joined him in proofreading everything. 

“You two sure are fast,” Wooyoung comments, and he shoots you a gaze filled with mischief.

“This is the tenth time we read through these, so…” you explain.

“I see… Yeosang here told me about how horrible the others were to work with,” the guy sitting next to your classmate continues.

“You’re also horrible to work with, and you’re not even a part of this,” Yeosang mutters under his breath, causing you to chuckle, and Wooyoung immediately complains.

“That hurt! I know when to be serious, in contrast to some people.” He says it so ominously that you think at least Yeosang must know who he’s talking about, but he too shoots him a questioning look. “Whatever,” Wooyoung brushes it off with a hand gesture. “You’re done now, aren’t you? So we can finally get to know each other,” he adds, directed at you. “This guy told me a lot about you, so I’ve been dying to meet you.” He points at Yeosang, whose ears grow bright red and he waves his hands in front of his face.

“It’s not what it sounds like. I don’t talk about you all the time, this guy here just likes to blow things way out of proportion,” he explains, and with the way Wooyoung is grinning from ear to ear now, all you’re left with is to believe Yeosang’s words.

“Figured,” you say. “So? What did he tell you about me that made you so interested?” You give Wooyoung a challenging smile, and the guy is eating up your attention as he watches you with a spark in his eyes.

“How you took the lead in your project after everyone else did nothing, for example,” Wooyoung replies. “I respect people like that! You know, people who get things done.” You chuckle at his enthusiasm.

“Don’t be mistaken, I’m not usually the leader type. Just… when I need to be… for the sake of my own sanity.”

“I see,” Wooyoung says, leaning back in his chair now, taking on a comfortable stance.

“I’m sorry about him, I shouldn’t have brought him along,” Yeosang says, once again. “He flirts with everything that breathes in his direction, it means nothing. He’s just doing this for his own entertainment, but I can punch him for you if you want?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” you say. “It’s fun to do this every once in a while.”

“Oh? What do you mean - every once in a while?” Wooyoung pries, a broad grin now playing his lips as he leans back in his chair. “You’re not the type to go out and meet people like this?”

“Not to flirt with them,” you laugh, directing your gaze towards the entrance of the café, where the image of Jongho walking inside has caught your eye. You decided to have him pick you up after your meeting with Yeosang, so that you could grab dinner together. You didn’t expect him to be here this early, though. “I’m not sure if my boyfriend would like that,” you add, looking back at Wooyoung, whose mouth forms the shape of an o, before he once again merely grins at you.

“I see, I see… but the fact that you flirted back at me tells me you like to live dangerously,” he remarks, before letting out a giggle that seems both very sudden, yet not out of character at all. Yeosang can only sigh beside him. He looks like he wants to snark at his friend for that, but he bites back the words, as your attention is visibly drawn elsewhere and you scoot over on the bench to make space for your boyfriend.

“Hello,” he greets the other two, politely bowing his head in front of them, before he sits beside you. And now you’re the one grinning to yourself, seeing his shyness that seems even weirder now, that you’re getting to know more and more very different sides to him.

“Wait… is that the boyfriend?” Wooyoung points his finger at the guy next to you, eyes raised in surprise.

“Yeah,” you answer.

“You’ve been talking about me?” Jongho asks, raising his eyebrows as well. There’s a hint of disbelief in his voice, and for a second you wonder if you should use this opportunity to tease him a bit. But of course Wooyoung, the loud one, is faster.

“She’s been talking about you.”

“Don’t believe a word he says,” Yeosang utters, before you can defend yourself. “He just says whatever.” Another highly offended Wooyoung-noise is what follows, while you feel Jongho tapping your arm lightly, and when you glance over to him you can see him quietly laughing. Apparently he finds their dynamic just as amusing as you do. 

“Yeah, so… that’s Yeosang, who I’ve been working on the project with. And that’s his friend Wooyoung, who has nothing to do with the project but came along anyway to be a distraction,” you introduce the two guys, then you point at your partner. “That’s my boyfriend Jongho.”

“You think I’m distracting?” Wooyoung retorts, because that appears to be all he heard, and he says it proudly and with this shit-eating grin on his face as he puts his elbow on the table, supporting his head with his chin in his palm. You can’t lie, his bold attempt to continue flirting with you in front of your boyfriend both makes you think he must be incredibly stupid, and somehow also makes you admire his courage.

“Not in the way you think,” you answer calmly, trying to sound almost cold. Next to Wooyoung, Yeosang is muttering an “oh my god”, but most importantly your boyfriend doesn’t react to it. Instead he diverts the conversation into a different direction, and in your head you thank him for it.

“So… were you able to finish everything?” he asks, and you nod.

“Almost,” you say. “The formatting needs to be checked again, but that’s Yeosang’s job. So… if you want to go get dinner now, we can!”

“Ah, no, I wasn’t trying to rush you,” he assures as he balances somewhere between seeming friendly and polite. 

You end up leaving pretty soon anyway. Yeosang informed you that he still had things to do (you assume he just wanted an excuse to get rid of Wooyoung) and so you packed your things and split up into pairs in front of the café, with your friend and his friend taking the route to the bus stop across the street, and you and Jongho walking a couple of blocks to get to a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try. It’s serving stew as its speciality, just right for a chilly evening like today.

A groan of satisfaction escapes you as you link your hands above your head and stretch your arms and back after entering the apartment. Your boyfriend smiles at the sight in front of him as he puts his jacket on a hanger and then he follows you into the living room.

“Getting dinner there was a really good idea,” you remark as Jongho comes up to you from behind, placing his hands onto your hips and leaning in.

“Right? You should let me pick restaurants more often,” he mutters right beside your ear, and when you whirl around to get a proper look at his face, he laughs softly.

“I think it was my idea to go there?” you retort, taking offense in him attempting to take all the credit, but he’s quick to appease you.

“I know, I know, just joking.” You huff at his attitude with a smile, before he adds, “I thought you liked mischievous guys.” He walks away and towards the kitchen as you’re still confused about his words, but when you begin to have a hunch about what made him say this, he’s already out of sight. You follow him, finding him pouring himself a glass of water, and without a change in expression he takes a few sips. You can only stare at him, hoping for him to say anything to help you figure out whether that hunch is right or wrong, but he doesn’t look like he’s in a hurry. Setting down the glass, he seems to be thinking about something as he’s supporting his weight with his hands on top of the kitchen counter, and then, when he finally shoots you a glance, the expression on his face has changed.

“You liked that, didn’t you?”

“Liked what…?” Jongho pushes himself off the counter in front of him, taking a few steps towards you instead. He comes to a halt when you’re merely a few inches apart, his head tilted to the side ever so slightly, and his hand finds your face.

“That guy flirting with you,” he says, his voice dangerously low, and he lets his thumb trace the outline of your bottom lip. “You liked that.”

“I…” You gulp as you look up at him. So he did realize it. You should’ve known better than to assume you could hope he wouldn’t be able to read you that well. But you were mistaken. It seems he already learned to notice and correctly analyze even the smallest of signs, and you guess in some way that’s a good thing, you’re just not sure what this means in a situation like this.

“It’s fine, dear,” he speaks, his voice merely a whisper now, and he leans in to press one feathery light kiss onto your lips. “You can admit it.” Again, you find yourself gulping. But the sweetness of his kiss mixing in with the soothing effect his words have on you leave you unable to ponder on this for longer. And so you simply say it, without thinking about the consequences.

“I liked it.”

It was only yesterday that you had another conversation, figuring you should talk more in depth about your wants and what you don’t want, after he almost crossed a line last time. You talked about your relationship, your sexual relationship mostly, the kind of dynamic that’s slowly growing between the two of you, and the kind of dynamic you two wish for. Surprisingly, from what you’ve discussed at least, your wishes align mostly.

You both agreed you want more. More than a kink or two incorporated into your sex life. More than a barely noticeable difference in power. He made it clear he’s willing to go into this with you, take you by the hand, and that he’d make sure to satisfy you.

But you know he also wants to be satisfied himself. And it’s exciting you, thinking about it then, and thinking about it now, as he’s steering you towards the nearest wall, until your back gently comes in contact with it. It’s not much, no grand gesture, and yet you can already feel the flames of desire burning up in your stomach.

“I see.” He speaks slowly now, the tone in his voice sending a shiver down your spine and you know he can see you tremble. From excitement for what’s to come, and curiousity about what he plans to do with you now. “What?” He raises an eyebrow, one hand resting against the wall right next to your head, the other reaching out until his fingertips come in contact with your stomach, and he lets them dance up until he’s almost reached your throat. When he sees you gulp at his action, he huffs, as if laughing at you. “You think I’ll give you what you want that easily?” Jongho asks, pulling his hand away and you inevitably frown at him for it. “After flirting with another guy? After you tell me you liked it? I don’t think so.” He takes a few steps away. There’s a calm expression on his face, his look feels almost icy as he lets his gaze wander from your head down your body. “You should know who can please you best,” he warns. “Or, don’t tell me you think that cheeky guy could make you feel better than me?”

“No!” you respond immediately and without having to think about it.

“But you still liked the attention,” your boyfriend states, matter-of-factly. 

“Y-yeah…” you admit, making yourself smaller instinctively.

“Cute,” he huffs at your apologetic gesture, and there’s a hint of a smirk sitting on his face. You weren’t 100% sure about it before, whether he really is jealous or if he’s doing this for fun, but now you can clearly tell - he’s enjoying this. And that’s fine, because you talked about this too - what you’re about to get yourself into, and how far you’re both willing to go in the process.

“Come here,” Jongho orders along with a gesture of his hand and you oblige. You step closer, let him put his arms around you, and the kiss he presses onto your lips is surprisingly soft. Slowly, he moves his lips against yours, tilting his head so he could deepen the kiss eventually, taking his time as he runs the tip of his tongue along the front row of your teeth, and just when you begin to want him to kiss you more passionately, he parts from you. One look at your face, his darkened eyes making you shiver in his hold, then he brushes his lips against the corner of your mouth. Trailing kisses across your cheek and eventually halting beside your ear as he cups your face with both hands now.

“Get on your knees, beautiful.” You don’t hesitate, and you don’t protest. It’s like his words put you in a trance, making sure you wouldn’t even think of disobeying him. And so you do, you drop down to the floor in front of him, hands immediately fumbling with the button on his pants, because you know what he wants. There’s only one thing a guy could want when he tells you to get on your knees for him, and you’re set on giving him that. But your eagerness doesn’t go uncommented. “So greedy,” he mutters, as he calmly watches you pull down his pants and underwear, exposing his half hardened length. His hand finds its way into your hair, fingertips massaging your scalp and for a second as you glance up at him you think you can see his features soften. “You already know what to do, hm?” your boyfriend continues, yet you wait for the okay to touch him.

“Can I…?” you ask, making him let out a short laugh. And there it is again, that grin that would tell anyone that he knows he’s in control, and he’s enjoying it. 

“Are you gonna make me wait?” he poses a question in return, and in that same breath phrasing the answer himself. “I don’t think so.” 

You keep one hand resting on his thigh, while you wrap the other around his cock. Peering up at him to watch him as he watches you, you start moving your hand slowly, and the second your palm brushes against his head, you can see the way his lips part to make way for a quiet sigh. You bring your fist all the way back down his shaft, repeating the motion a few times, until you find a hint of impatience on his features.

“Dear…” he mutters, untangling his fingers from your hair to cup your chin instead. As he lifts it up, his thumb presses against your lips, and when you open your mouth to let out a shaky breath, he pushes the finger inside. Your eyelids fluttering shut, you meet him with the tip of your tongue, instinctually swirling it around his finger once, before you close your mouth around it and suck on it. “Like that…” Jongho breathes a praise in your direction, before pulling his thumb out of your mouth and putting his hand back on top of your head to steer your field of vision back towards his core. He stays quiet, but he wouldn’t have needed to say anything more anyway to get you to finally do what he wants you to. You move closer, extending your tongue for mere kitten licks, quick strokes that wouldn’t possibly be near satisfactory against the tip of his cock. You glance up at him again, seeing the impatience building up behind his gaze that won’t leave you, and for a moment you wonder whether you should try and see what happens if you push him a bit more. 

But your own hunger wins over that desire. He was probably right, you really are greedy today, because the second you wrap your lips around him, you find yourself moaning at the feeling of having him in your mouth. The hiss of pleasure he lets out forces you to suppress a grin. Instead, you take him in further, hollowing your cheeks as you let him fill you up with his size. 

His hips stay still. You wonder whether it would stay like this, whether he would make you do all the work and merely guide you into the pace he wants, as he is doing currently, with his fingers grasping onto strands of your hair, or if he would eventually lose patience and start fucking into your mouth. All you know is you’re fine with either, and yes, you’re eager to please him, eager to get him off. 

Your hand still wrapped around him moves along with your head for additional friction, and you keep peering up at his eyes, wanting to see the moment he breaks apart, and all the expressions leading up to it. And yet he stays in control, disappointingly much, so you take him in even further as you sink back down on him, until his tip hits the back of your throat, making you gag in response. You furrow your brows at the uncomfortable sensation, and yet you do it again with your next repetition of the movement. So long, until tears are starting to well up in your eyes, and that’s when he takes his hand away from your hair and cups your face instead, cursing at how good you’re being for him.

“Fuck, Y/N…” he groans, and now you can see the pleasure distorting his face - it’s not much, but it serves as a motivation to work even harder for him. The sound he lets out as you swallow around him makes you moan as well, until you move your head and your hand faster, and the lewd sounds of you sucking him off, as well as your boyfriend’s heavy breaths fill the room. “Y/N, stop,” he mutters, and you don’t, because you want to push him over the edge so desperately. Instead you mewl at the taste of his precum leaking onto your tongue, and you close your eyes, preparing yourself to take his load.

What you don’t prepare yourself for is him yanking your head away by your hair, the shock from the sudden action and the immediate wave of pleasure that follows as he growls,

“I said stop.”

“Yes, sir.”

A sudden weakness washes over you, and the only thing you can do is move your head up just a little bit, leaning into the touch of his hand on top of it. And you don’t miss the way the words affected him. After he had suggested you calling him that and you had refused, saying you found the thought of calling your boyfriend sir a bit weird, you know he didn’t expect you to say it after all. But you did. And now there’s an entirely new expression on his face, an entirely new burning passion reflecting in his eyes, and you know it’s only a matter of time until it burns you too.

“Get up,” he says eventually, and you do as told, finding yourself held up safely with his hands resting on your sides as soon as you stand. Your body feels light, almost like he’s taken control of your will, when he steers you back a few steps, into your original position against the wall. Without hesitation, he kisses you, teeth clashing together as he tears at your clothes, and he only parts from you to pull them off, piece by piece, one after the other, and when he has gathered half of them on a pile somewhere on the floor, he decides that should be enough. Your pants gone should do, and when his lips smash onto yours again, you feel his hand between your thighs, fingers prodding at your folds.

“Shit,” he hisses against your lips. “You’re fucking soaked… can’t wait to fuck you…” His words make your head spin, and the way his fingers slip inside you effortlessly only adds to your lightheadedness. You throw your arms around his frame, fingernails digging into the fabric of his shirt covering his back, and you buck your hips into his palm as he starts curling his fingers inside you. You can only mewl at the pleasure, sentences are too hard to form right now, maybe if you tried you could get out a few words with no correlation between them. 

“...p-please…” you slur, “...f-fuckme…” 

“Who do you belong to?” Jongho asks, his fingers working you at a speed that should give you time to answer, but that won’t keep you sane for long. And yet you can’t say anything, only pathetic whimpers come out when you open your mouth. “Who?” he repeats. “Is it me? Do you belong to me?”

“Y-yessir…” you manage to say, and he bites his bottom lip hard.

“That’s right.” You can hear his voice trembling as he speaks, and you let out another sorry excuse of a moan as he presses his thumb against your clit. “Gonna make you cum so good, pretty girl… just wait…” All you can do at this point is cling to him for dear life, incoherent whines and whimpers falling from your lips, in between words that are supposed to tell him you want to cum on his cock, but you’re not sure how much of that actually gets through to him. And still, when your walls are starting to clench around him and your whole body tenses up, he finally pulls out of you. With his hand soaked in your juices he gives himself another few strokes, before telling you to hold on tight and lifting you up with his hands placed on the underside of your thighs. You cry out as he pushes into you, tears welling up in your eyes again, and this time they fall. Rolling down your cheeks as the pleasure overwhelms you, arms wrapped around him so tightly that you’re not sure if maybe you are squeezing a bit too tightly after all. But it doesn’t matter. All that matters in this moment is the chase for your high, and it ends with merely a few of his thrusts. Your body shakes violently as your orgasm hits you, you bite his shoulder and yet the moans won’t stop escaping you, and as you do, he too comes undone. You keep clenching around him as you feel him spilling inside you with a groan, and even as you start coming down from your high, your body won’t stop trembling. 

He tries to help you stand, but realizes quickly that all attempts are futile. So he carefully lets you sink down onto the ground, staying close to you in order to keep holding onto you. 

“How was that?”

“Good…” you manage to whisper an answer, not having the energy for a more elaborate one, but your boyfriend understands.

“I’m glad.” Jongho collapses with his back against the wall next to you, letting you rest your head on top of his shoulder and him leaning his head against yours. His hand finds yours naturally, fingers intertwining, as your mind is still drowned in bliss from the afterglow of your orgasm.

“It was perfect, actually,” you say, correcting yourself. “You were perfect.” You lift your other hand up to comb your fingers through his short hair, eventually letting it rest against his cheek and bringing him in for a short but sweet kiss. And then there it is again, that soft smile appearing on his lips, and when you lift your head he buries his face in the crook of your neck - to hide that expression from you, as you assume. 

“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually call me that, after saying you didn’t want to at first,” he says, and you retort, questioningly,

“Sir?”

“Yeah…” Jongho looks away, still visibly affected by it, and you shoot him a mischievous glance.

“I’m… really enjoying this though. And I’d like to keep… trying new stuff too…” you speak, and your boyfriend gives you a smile.

“We just tried a lot of new stuff, and you already want more?” He gets up, walking over to one of the cupboards and getting you a glass of water. “Drink this, first of all,” he says as he hands it to you. “And tomorrow we can sit down and talk again.”

[beartitled]

Bear i genuinely need to know if you are on 15 coffees. How did you do that so detailed and nice????? How did you nake it so cool???? How do you have the talent and motivation???? How long did you draw to achieve this godly skill???

💕💞❤️💖💕Awwwww thank you 💕❤️💖💕💞❤️

Fun fact I actually don’t drink coffee (😨*shocked audience sounds*😨) or at least drink it very rarely, I dunno it just makes me more sleepy? for some reason? which is hilarious in this context

Hehe man I need to concentrate, but I can’t stop smiling

I’m very happy that people actually liked my picture book, it legit sends me away because it’s a personal project which took a ton of effort

Like fan arts, megadrawings, fan comics those are also mean a lot and made with love, but this project feels like showing a part of your soul

And when you see people actually enjoying it- just- ❤️💕💖💞💕❤️*ecstatic bear noises*💕❤️💖💕💞💕 *happy tiny jumps*💖💕❤️💕💖💞💖

(oki lemme put all my thoughts under read more, bc I didn’t expect to write that much 💥)

Answering the questions

I just love detailed stuff✨ Plus when you work on something for a long time, you can kinda think of something or subconsciously add even more visual details

Motivation comes from just a wish to finish something most of the time

When I work on big projects (that take months for example) I tend to go into 💪grind💪 state, where you just dedicate your entire time to making something

It a very interesting thing, because your life literally becomes this project for a few months, you wake up with a goal and make your day as productive as possible (after I finish something I can have a mini crisis, like wait this thing is over, wait I can do something different.. no I NEED A PURPOSE 💥💥💥 *aggressively starts yet another comic*)

Also I feel like uni played a major role in my productivity rate, bc you can have multiple projects in one semester and plus to that an assignment that just adds on every week

Imagine like inktober, but you decided to take 5 more prompt lists and every drawing you make is criticised by professor (so you need to make edits or redo your entire work)

This type of constant pressure just kinda makes you a different person in a way, at least it was my experience with it

And how much time (hehe don’t make me blush it’s not godly 👉👈), well entire life basically + almost 4 years of uni

Also wanted to say for people who are starting or just feel overwhelmed by other artists skills:

🫵Everyone starts with crappy pony drawings 🫵 (at least I did) (man if I ever find my first drawings I will show them)

The funniest thing is, I started drawing not because I wanted it to be good or to impress people

I just wanted a pony picture 💥 in a funky dress 💥💥 and my mum said “I’m tired of drawing horses for you, go do it yourself” 💥💥💥 and I did 💥‼️💥‼️💥💥

A lot of people chuckled at me bc the drawings were crappy, but I didn’t care 💥📣🗣️I’m the one holding a paper horse in a dress, not you 💥📣🗣️

So like, don’t sweat it, no art is bad – you put effort, you made it, it’s already worth attention and love

The idea of “good” is flawed and very vague anyway

The feeling of doubt is also normal, everyone has it time to time, without it we wouldn’t be able to improve

Just don’t let those thoughts consume you: appreciate your work and yourself 🫵❤️

Anyway thank you for this ask, it’s very sweet of you ❤️

Makes me incredibly happy that someone likes my stuff 🥺❤️💕💖🥺❤️💞

[saltymongoose]

Hihi! Im a bit new here (cough even though I’ve read like everything already cough) and i just wanna say i FUCKING, LOVE your depiction of grunts!!! Ive always felt they were more, animal like? With the paws and growling and purring and aaaa! /pos

But i do have a bit of a question for you!! You you don’t need to answer, and if you don’t want too you can just ignore this entirely! But i wanted your thoughts and opinions on this, do you think grunts have mating cycles? Aka, heats/ruts? Its been on my mind quite a bit, and as someone who doesn’t necessarily write fanfiction, i just wanted an opinion from someone who does on this little thought!!

Anyways!! I love your writing so much <3 and I’m glad you’re getting some more lenient time with uni and everything! Have a good day!!! And remember to drink some water or eat a snack <33

(If its alright, might I go by Pop Anon? :0 Or just Pop for short!)

(TW: A bit suggestive for the subject matter, but this reads more like a biology lesson/explanation than anything.)

Hello, Pop! Welcome to the blog, I'll make sure to add you to my Anon list. :) I'm also really happy you like the way I depict grunts; I've always tended to lean into a more non-human portrayal of them since I really like to explore the differences they'd have with us. (It also made enough sense to me with the paws they have and the purring hcs I'd seen before, etc.) Plus, I'm just a big fan of non-human characters and grunts can fit this really well, being the cross-faced homunculi that they are lol.

I'd also be more than happy to answer your question too. If we were to go even more into how animalistic grunts could be, to put it shortly, yes! I do in fact think that grunts would probably go through mating cycles. Or at least some of them would.

The reason I make this clarification is because of how generations and cloning work. Basically, my hc is that all Gens before G03s (G03LMs) would probably have these cycles, but after G03's, all of the new grunts are clones, which makes it more unlikely.

(Further clarification below with a little weird biology stuff I know fsr, this response got pretty long. 😅 I do include a note where the complicated stuff ends tho, if you don't care for reading it. 👍)

This includes G04s and MAGs, according to the wiki. Given how dystopian the Nexus Core and AAHW are (specifically the AAHW, with how a majority of them are also S3LFless), I think population control might be an element they'd include. Or at least they'd try to get rid of heats/ruts because it makes grunts "unproductive" or some weird corporate nonsense like that. 🙄 So I can see some genetic manipulation going on to sort of "erase" the behavior for the cycles.

Whether the later generations even have the capability of experiencing them depends on how this behavior is altered. Though if we go with genetics, and use the logic of pseudogenes (genes that are not "used" but are still there in the genetic code), then technically one could have a G04 experience a heat cycle/rut by sort of "reawakening" the gene. This could be by grafting a part of from an earlier grunt to them, fiddling more with their genetics, etc.

And even with pseudogenes and "dormant" traits, some clones would still probably exhibit mating cycles as the product of a flawed development cycle. (Called "atavisms" in biology, where ancestral traits occasionally make a reappearance in new lines.) If you want to go really far, all of this biology stuff could probably be applied to fertility as well in later clones (because population control ¯\_(ツ)_/¯), but I digress.

(End of In-Depth Explanation)

As you can tell, I've probably put too much thought into this lol. Basically, what this means is the following grunts would have mating cycles: Phobos (G01), Hank (G02), Deimos (G02), Sanford (G02), and 2BDamned (G02).

With G03LMs, they're stitched together corpse parts so I am undecided (I still need to figure out how that works lmao), but with all gens after 3 it's probably pretty unlikely. But not impossible.

(P.S. Thank you so much for your kind words, Pop, and I hope you have a good day too! <3)

[hibernationsuit-remade]

hii red, i'm not sure which questions you already answered from the ask game so use this to answer the ones you are itching to fill for klara!! <33

AAAAA THANK UUU!!!!

oc emoji asks

🧁 - When is their birthday? How do they celebrate it, if at all?

FEBRUARY 14TH!!! valentine's day who, that is a klara day. JOKES ASIDE Klara usually has a rule on her birthdays that she does Not want to see anything heart shaped or pink, she usually hosts a small party at home and invites her close friends. After 30 the parties become smaller and shorter (bc their friends live in different places far from them), and she instead goes for a nice romantic dinner with Toby, or stay home and order something.

💙 - Describe their bedroom! Is it personalized, unchanged? Messy, neat?

During university Klara had this weird apartment that basically had a very large living room, with kitchen and bedroom on being on the "sides". Her bedroom was somewhat small and basically had her (big) bed, white wardrobe, dark brown desk and a big plush bear which Måns gave to her when she moved out to uni.

She usually has patterned bedding, but since making her bed is her number one thing she does when she wakes up (unless someone else is sleeping in the bed, looking at you toby), it's usually covered with dark green bed throw. There's a small bedside table where she keeps her everyday/most used meds, a book she's currently reading, a water bottle she drinks from at night & her phone.

She has dark grey blinds on the window, but also translucent curtains to block out some light/visibility (she lived on the second floor at that point). Her desk is right in front of window, and has a big monitor, some stationery, and currently used journals on it. Next to it is a small trolley shelf thing with more stationery, book she's currently reading, a tote bag collection and home workout stuff.

Klara & Toby's apartment described here hehe :] I also need to make a floorplan for their apartment wjjefjxjxjfj actually need floorplans for all oc apartments i think about a lot.

🗡️ - Does this oc have a signature object, accessory, or weapon?

YEAAAA lots. One is her necklace w snowy plover charm, a gift from her aunt when Klara was 6 or 7. She almost never takes it off :3

She also has this specific striped warm blanket she's had for soooo many years, it's in their cozy reading corner rn.

Klara has a small knife she tends to have around especially at work (her work days rarely get That dangerous but when they do, the enemy is usually close by and something quick is needed), and she's very good at using it. It's mostly used it by throwing it at someone. She's not really a gun person but if it's needed, she tends to opt for shotguns or sniper rifles.

🚷 - Tell one difference between yourself and this oc!

Klara can't spend a day without making a to-do list 😭 even a small one is needed or else she will feel So Bad. I personally like to-do lists but i have been living peacefully without them every now and then ajdbjcjckkfjf

[tojisun]

Not me running on liquid courage again. 💀🥂

I mean we all know canon toji is an asshole ❤️, but domestic?!?! It just makes you wanna bash a keyboard 😗 like how can you not! It's so fucking frustrating! He IS beautiful indeed its frustrating!

🥺🥺🤧 ahh this response! I know I said thank you already but like 🥺 thank you. I'm happy you found a healthy outlet. It takes a lot to acknowledge when you're not feeling well AND to doing something positive about it, so virtual hug 🤧 bring it in 🫂!

I wish school systems would actually give a fuck and do a better job preparing students for uni (dont we all). Everyone has a different situation but uni will always be there. I mean they want your money loans, right?? Take all the time you need while you're in uni. This is just my experience, but I feel like this is really only one time where you'll have a chance to work on your adult life before it becomes an expectation.

I just miss being a student for leeway at work. 0h and bc I like learning.

Omg I feel you on a personal level. Taking a 18 hour semester and a +50hr job for WHAT!!! In the end, I changed my major when I had 3 more classes until I graduated, so i graduated in 6 years 🙃.

Truly, please be kind to yourself. We only have 1 fucking day in the week to not think about work. I'm channeling my spirit energy to you. I wish you the best! Please take care and stay safe.

(Sorry for any typos)

omg hey!!! howre u!! sorry it took a while for me to respond ahdjwjs

no no bc that’s exactly me!! canon toji was so much of an asshole that i had a hard time writing him being soft and domestic and kind (ie: my first established fic was toji leaving the reader for mamaguro bc ik that man would choose her in any universe </33) but then i was like fuck canon. i want toji who’s in love w the reader; toji who cares for the reader; toji who’s moved on and healed from mamaguro and loving the reader for them and not as mamaguro’s replacement!!!! (most of my fics tend to follow this au)

i remember when i was drafting one of my first fluff fics (not headcanon or drabble), one of my besties told me, “ur projecting.” like maam, do u think i dont know 😭 but yea i wrote my soft toji whose scarred lips are gentle when they kiss the reader because toji is so pretty, we need him being happy with reader!!!!

thank u so much for the hug!! ive been having severe bad weeks and i needed this <3333 hugs you tight too 😚

and absolutely!! my school did ok in preparing us for post-secondary; college did amazing in helping me transition from high school setting and into post-secondary setting; but fuck. uni is a whole different level. can’t catch a break fr like AHHSHSHH

but yes thank u so much for the advice!!! i can absolutely see what u mean. like rn, even if i have work and back-to-back lectures, i still have the opportunities to ask for time-offs to prepare for my midterms and finals and papers which has helped me greatly! the life experience is helping me lots while giving me some form of coddling and ik this wouldnt really last into (greater) adulthood so that kinda sucks :((

and omg u switching majors is nerve-wracking but amazing at the same time!! ik sm of my friends who just suck up with their majors even if theyre fr struggling so im glad that u were able to pursue something more your style. im sorry it took long for u to grad though but still!!! im so happy for uu!!!

and i will be kind to myself, i promiseee!! ive been doing better these past few days and hoping to have more kind days moving forward!

thank you again for this kind mssge! ur words and kindness truly means a lot to me. take care darling, and have a happy and safe drinking 🥹🫶🏼

[captainaikus]

I just wanted to remind you to take care of yourself Belle!! Finish a bottle of water, eat a meal (or a snack), and take a nap. I don’t know why, but I’m just getting the vibes that you might be overworking yourself or just generally feeling tired but not resting. I could be wrong but I might also be right. Either way. This is a reminder to take a break if you already haven’t today. If it’s uni work, then taking a break from the dusty books to grab a drink isn’t a big deal. And if it’s the fics then taking a nap to sleep on some good ideas is a great way to recharge. And if it’s the gym then treating yourself to your favorite takeout meal sounds fantastic if you ask me. Just a reminder to take it easy and listen to your body. I hope you feel better and less tired soon!!! *sends many comforting virtual hugs that feel comfy enough to fall asleep in*

- ✨ anon

Thanks for checking in on me starry ( ´▽｀)

I’m doing fine tho- just had a really long day and writing a bit more; and yeah I tend to go overboard with my work and all and trying to balance time and everything- so I’m gonna turn in now and rest. If I can’t post it today, then I’ll just stick to posting tomorrow or day after （╹◡╹）

But again, thanks for checking in on me, I really appreciate it (>﹏<)- and I hope you’re keeping well too

*sending sleepy hugs*

[tealenko]

Five Drinks to get to Know Me

Tagged by @sillyliterature (1/3 lol... sorry it took me so long to reply *sighs* busy week at work TT Anyways, thanks a lot for the tag!! <3 <3 <3)

Coca cola zero / Pepsy max (I really have an addiction problem with this... I drink less now... but it's still a lot lol)

Water (bottled... you cannot drink tap water in Valencia loool): I'm a teacher and if I'm not in class I'm always singing (especilly in car rides)... So yeah, I need water to survive more than anyone I know ehehehehe

Tea (duh), I'm partial to black and read tea... But I'll drink any kind (except green tea... it's not for me, sorry). This would be first if I didn't live in a place where there's like 9 months of summer XDDDDD But I do love drinking it in winter (especially when I'm writing... You'll know that already if you've been her long enough ehehehe)

Ice tea (no sugar). Love it... I tend to go for the 1st when I want a cold drink, but I drink a lot of ice tea too (especially when I'm doing a diet)

Bebida energética light -> aka low cost diet Red Bull from a Spanish supermarket that, in my own opinion, tastes a bit better and costs way less than the og. I don't particulary enjoy drinking it though... It's more a survival thing I do before working (honorary mention to coffee for the same reasons... it really got me through uni lol)

As you can see, I may have a problem with caffeine ehehehehehe But well, at least it's not alcohol (and I do drink a lot of water too).

I mean, teacher and programmer... What were you expecting??

Tagging: @fshenkoescape @laelior @kat-hikari @halesshepardn7

As always, no preassure.

[restlessmaknae]

I posted 4,535 times in 2022

120 posts created (3%)

4,415 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dat-town

@huangintaks

@yeonjune

@restlessmaknae

@hwang-intak

I tagged 4,502 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#queue it like this - 1,150 posts

#moodmaker - 688 posts

#p1harmony - 583 posts

#enhypen - 382 posts

#kdrama - 369 posts

#txt - 318 posts

#kathy knows how to win my heart - 309 posts

#verivery - 281 posts

#oneus - 270 posts

#nct - 230 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i was also glad about the anxiety awareness and how you highlighted that a lot of people tend to be rather closed off about helping someone

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

fake it till it’s real [theo]

After kissing Theo whom you haven’t even met before, you don’t expect to become his fake girlfriend the next day, but falling for him seems inevitable nevertheless.

➳ Characters: instrumental band member!Theo x female!reader/you

➳ Genre: comedy, fluff, fake dating au, band au, uni au

➳ Words: 8.1k

➳ Warning: drinking, getting drunk, an ex who doesn’t understand no​

Waking up with a headache and feeling nauseous was bad enough.

Waking up in a place you had never been before was worse.

Waking up with a headache, feeling nauseous in a place you had never been before, facing a stranger when you sat up on the couch was the worst possible scenario that you could have imagined.

“Oh my gosh!” You blurted out, your hands flying to your mouth in astonishment. What were you doing in a total stranger’s place when it was bad enough that you had drunk a lot last night, and if you hadn’t dreamed kissing a certain burgundy-haired boy, then you had kissed a stranger, but still ended up at someone else’s place?

“Please, don’t freak out! I’m not God or Jesus, you’re not in heaven, you’re not dead, and we didn’t kidnap you. Any more questions?” The stranger - who had dyed hair too, a bit of silver, so definitely not as vivid as the boy you remembered from the night before - said in one breath, putting on a smile that salesmen put on when they were trying to sell you something.

You didn’t know how to feel about the fact that he had needed to point out that you weren’t kidnapped, but true enough, you weren’t tied to a chair or anything like that.

“Who are you?” You dared to ask as you were trying to blink the sleep - and confusion - out of your eyes. Gosh, sometimes you should really hold yourself back from drinking alcohol! Or at least, you should do it at home, not at a bar where anyone could see you.

“My name is Keeho,” he replied with the giddiest smile possible. At least, someone didn’t seem to find this situation super awkward unlike you.

“But I don’t remember seeing you yesterday.”

“Oh, you didn’t. I’m the best friend and flatmate of the guy you kissed last night,” he broke it down to you, and when he saw how you closed your eyes for a second at the mention of that kiss, cheeks flaring up, his lips curled into an annoying little smile. “Oh, so you remember…” He teased, and if the memories coming back weren’t already enough, he just needed to voice out the obvious.

However, you couldn’t just throw a pillow at him or something, so you bit down on your tongue, holding yourself back from saying anything. Keeho was either oblivious or didn’t care about your reaction, he merely leaned back into the chair that was pushed to the living room table that separated the two of you. It looked suspiciously similar to the chairs beside the dinner table, so you wondered whether someone had been watching you over while you had been sleeping.

“Spill the tea, girl! Taeyang wasn’t really helpful when I asked him what happened,” Keeho admitted, chattering casually as if it had been an everyday thing that someone like you had ended up in their flat after drinking too much and probably blacking out by the end of the night.

You didn’t let yourself dwell on it too much though, you were curious about something else instead.

“Was he really mad?”

“No, I wouldn’t say so. He wasn’t any more judgemental than he usually is,” the guy shrugged his shoulders, and you had no idea whether it was a good thing that his friend wasn’t any more judgemental than usual. No matter how judgemental he was, you didn’t know how to face him again. “Now, tell me. It’s just the two of us. He’s out getting groceries,” Keeho reassured you as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.

If there was one thing that was more weird than ending up in the flat of the boy you had kissed the night before, it would definitely be telling his best friend/flatmate all about last night. Not that Keeho seemed weirded out, but that didn’t make you feel better. On the other hand, what could you lose though? You had probably lost some face already, there was nothing that could be worse than that, you assumed.

With a resigned sigh, you realised that you couldn’t be any more embarrassing than you had already been, so you started telling him about what had happened.

“So I have this ex, and he kept calling me last night, asking if I had time to meet him. Honestly, I’m kinda fed up with him, so I lied that I was busy. You see, he’s rather clingy…”

“Clingy or he doesn’t understand no? I think there’s a difference,” Keeho chirped in, a worrisome wrinkle stretching between his eyebrows. He seemed rather serious for someone who had seemed like the giddiest person on Earth a minute prior.

“I guess the latter,” you croaked out, not wanting to explain your complicated relationship with your ex. “So I went to this bar, hoping to forget about him, and your friend played there with his band, Seoul Serenade. They were pretty sick though,” you couldn’t help but comment, and Keeho looked like a proud mother with that ‘that’s my boy’ grin on his face. You shook your head, trying to get back to where you had left off even though your headache was killing you. “Anyways, so I was sitting by myself at the bar stool, but when I looked around, I saw my ex coming our way. My ex! So I didn’t really think too much, I just turned to the guy next to me, briefly recognising that it was the guy from the band, told him ‘i’m sorry, my ex is coming’ and I kissed him. And I don’t really remember the rest,” you admitted truthfully, letting out a long, guiltful sigh afterwards. Just what had you gotten yourself into? From one mess to another, you were truly something else.

You looked up at the silver-haired boy with a tentative look, but he didn’t seem that taken aback by the details. His following words explained it all though.

“Yeah, well, Taeyang said that you knocked yourself out by the end of the night. But he also said that the guy who asked him who he was and why were you kissing him was with another girl.”

“What?” You shrieked, trying to retrieve your memories from the night before, more specifically if you had noticed a girl by your ex’s side. You might not have paid too much attention to him since his presence had already been enough to trigger a flight or fight response in you, but could he have been with another girl for real? Then, why had he called you if he had already found a girl for the night?

Deep down, you knew the answer: because he was a piece of trash who only needed to flatter his ego with how many girls liked him.

See the full post

119 notes - Posted July 30, 2022

#4

yours truly, karma

Summary: You and Sunoo have been enemies ever since you met each other at a debate competition in freshman year. This year, it seems like you have no choice but to compete alongside him instead of against him. And so all hell breaks loose…

➳ Characters: high school senior!Sunoo x high school senior!reader/you

➳ Genre: fluff, comedy, enemies to lovers, debate club au, high school au

➳ Words: 8.5k

➳ Warning: hints of insecurity; reader and Sunoo hating each other in the beginning, so hate and its synonyms are being thrown around; reader denying any affectionate feelings until almost the very end + two mentions of feeling the need to puke (ironically) and a few uses of the word ‘asshole’

➳ A/N: This is my contribution to @emeraldenha’s Unlikely collab. Please, make sure to check out the other works, too!

➳ Taglist: @dat-town, @lemonqi, @sweetjaemss, @hira127, @hyunjinswife​, @studioreader (Click here to be added!)

➳ Check out: my Enhypen masterlist

“Oh my gosh, no way!”

“Yeeees.”

“No, it can’t be possible!”

“I’m telling you, it IS possible.”

Your best friend, Shin Yuna, was nodding so fervently that you were afraid her head would fall off. Meanwhile, you couldn’t stop gaping like a fish out of water, trying to make sense of this situation. It just didn’t make sense. It really didn’t. 

“Couldn’t you have mistaken him for someone else?” You quirked an eyebrow, tentative, hoping that Yuna had actually just mistaken the boy for someone else.

“I’ve seen him with my own two eyes, okay? I put my contacts in today,” she justified matter-of-factly, letting out a huff as if you had hurt her by implying that she might have seen it wrong. You really wished she had seen it wrong because dear gosh, how could Kim Sunoo, out of all people, be at your school on the very first day of your senior year?

Kim Sunoo: your archnemesis, your worst enemy, your greatest nightmare… No matter how you wanted to put it, Kim Sunoo was someone you wished to avoid at all costs. Even if you were offered all the money in the world, you wouldn’t want to be in the same room with him. Okay, maybe, if it was about all the money in the world, you would, but still…

Kim Sunoo was someone you desperately wished to avoid, especially apart from the times you were forced to be around him either way. Every year since freshman year of high school, you had met him at the annual national high school debate competition because both your team and his team had made it to the finals. In freshman year, his team had won. In sophomore year, your team had won. Last year, his team had won. Now this year, you were desperately hoping to win with your team. Let’s just say that both of you were a bit too competitive for your own good, both during and outside of the competition when you were bickering to no end, and that had created a tiny bit of tension between you two. (And by tiny, you meant an enormous one.)

“Aaaaaaanyways,” Yuna broke the silence, snapping her fingers in front of your face to regain your attention. “Even if he’s at our school, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he will-”

She was cut off by the squeals around the classroom when the door opened and Mr Bang, your homeroom teacher, walked into the classroom. Not alone, but with someone else. And that someone else just so happened to be Kim Sunoo. He wore your school’s uniform and neat cotton pants, and he was holding onto the straps of his backpack while a giddy smile was playing on his lips.

“Oh my gosh, who is he?”

“Wow, he’s so handsome!”

“Do we have a new classmate?”

Such exclaims could be heard around the classroom, and you felt the need to puke when you saw how lovingly the girls looked at him. As if they were giving him the heart eyes already. If only they knew what kind of a person he was…

“Attention, please!” Mr Bang announced and knocked on the teacher’s desk a few times to quiet down the murmuring students. When everyone finally shut up about the newly arrived student who still looked as if he had been the happiest person on Earth to walk into your classroom, he continued. “We have a new student in our class from today. His name is Kim Sunoo, and he has recently moved from Suwon. Please, welcome him with open arms and a round of applause!”

A few girls started clapping a little too excitedly while some guys started hollering as if they had been watching a football match. You kind of had an idea why, but Hwang Intak just had to confirm it when he exclaimed:

“Yeah, finally! There are more boys than girls!” He shrieked as if he had won a round of his favourite game (a sight too common during breaks when he was immersed in his beloved phone). He boasted a boyish grin that didn’t fade even when Mr Bang warned him to keep his voice down.

Yuna glanced in your way, curious to see your reaction, but you averted your eyes from her face to the newly arrived student, only to catch him already staring at you. He seemed less surprised to see you there, but it wasn’t that weird considering that he knew the school you had come from, so if he was going to be transferred here, he might have already prepared himself for the big reunion. Unlike you who couldn’t believe your luck (or therefore lack of), and wished that he wouldn’t want to continue doing the one thing you loved the most, but-

“And he’s going to join the debate club, but I guess we don’t need to introduce him to you since I’ve heard his team won last year’s competition,” Mr Bang stated, and bamm, there, all hopes of not having to compete alongside him instead of against him lost.

You tore your gaze off the boy’s face, chewing on your lower lip to hold back the curse that was about to fall off your lips. No. You couldn’t lose your cool. The best thing you could do was to show him who was the bigger person here, and act all nonchalant. He deserved silent treatment at best. Yeah, it was best if you tried to ignore him as much as possible.

See the full post

123 notes - Posted March 31, 2022

#3

love lockdown

You were on the verge of a break-up with Seungyoun when a pandemic hit, and lockdown happened. It meant that you were actually on the verge of a cliff every single day, and there was no escape.

➳ Characters: Woodz/Seungyoun x reader/you

➳ Genre: angst, slice of life, established relationship

➳ Warning: mentions of depression and a pandemic

➳ Words: 5.6k

➳ A/N: There’s no specific setting for this story, and there’s no specific pandemic mentioned, so I’ll leave the details up to your own imagination. Click here to be added to the TAGLIST and to let me know about your fic preferences.

Seungyoun had always been the one you would walk through fire for, you would fight wars to protect him and keep him away from all the bad in the world, you would travel countries to see him again because you loved him so much, so deeply, so naturally that being beside him felt like breathing, and you felt suffocated whenever you were away from him.

He was the one for whom it didn’t feel like sacrifice when you put him first; when you would stay up late at night to make him lunch for the next day, so he wouldn’t live on takeout constantly; you would check on him despite being exhausted yourself because you knew he tended to stay out late at the studio to work on songs; you would cancel plans just to spend more time with him because being with him (the one who knew you better than anyone else) still meant more than being with anyone else; you kept your worries and problems to yourself, buried them deep under caring words and gentle acts when his depression was resurfacing, and he needed you more than ever.

He was always the one who meant the most to you, and if he had asked, you would have run away with him, no matter the destination, no matter the consequences. You would go with him without question.

Until you wouldn’t.

You loved each other deeply, intimately, unconditionally; two souls of the same heart, two flickers of the same flame, two galaxies colliding, complementing each other perfectly, the darkness and the light finding its perfect balance in the bodies of you two.

Until you weren’t.

You held each other’s hands through thick and thin, through your inner and external demons, through the cruel twists of fate, through loss and grief, through ups and downs of life.

Until you didn’t, and you didn’t know anymore how to reach out to hold each other’s hand, but you weren’t ready to let go yet.

And then, on the verge of a break-up, a pandemic happened, and you were stuck together under the same roof, doubt and uncertainty numbing your pain like the best pain killers would.

You were at work when you heard the news: the government shutting down the borders, the citizens asked to stay at home and avoid leaving their house if not for groceries or exercise, places where people from different households could mingle asked to close including the café where you worked. Everything in the matter of 24 hours. You never knew how little 24 hours could mean if it was about something so life-changing.

Somehow, you managed to keep yourself together throughout the rest of the day, but only because it didn’t feel real. This virus that had been such a distant phenomena so far had just turned your life upside down, and you could do nothing about it. You felt as if it was a stupid joke, and the next day, you would wake up and it would go away. It would all go away, and you could come back to this café, and serve the customers with a smile on your face as you had done so for the past years.

Instead, customers were panicking, employees were panicking, and your boss was making phone calls with the local government to ask about the sudden closure. You were sent home early, the place closing sooner that didn’t seem futile considering the lack of people who would come by after the news.

Yet, just as you were heading home, you realised that a different kind of chaos was waiting for you, and you weren’t sure that you could take it considering the consequences. You secretly hoped that Seungyoun wouldn’t be home, so that you could avoid seeing him first things first, but the world turned its back on you multiple times that day, and it didn’t go easy on you when you arrived at your shared flat with your boyfriend of 5 years.

Seungyoun was in the kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee when you made your way to the fridge, putting in the last two boxes of milk you could find at the store.

“Have you heard the news?”

He asked as if the world hadn’t turned upside down, and no one had been panicking, but maybe with him spending most of his time at his studio, secluded from the rest of the world, the news of lockdown was a rather recent event for him.

“Yeah,” you kept it brief, not finding it in yourself to pick a fight with him or pour your frustration onto him. The truth is: even if you had wanted to go elsewhere, you had nowhere else to go. Neither of you had. So even if you could feel a possible break-up looming over the two of you, you couldn’t run away from the place where it would probably happen. You were stuck there for god knows how long.

“What did they say at the café?” Seungyoun inquired, his voice raspy yet worrying.

“That they are going to try and figure things out,” just like you should have done so with him. It was killing you inside; the unsaid tension in the air. You could feel it clutching at your neck, squeezing your throat. “How about you?” You asked instead, busying yourself with making a cup of tea. You always preferred tea over coffee, just another difference between you and him.

“I’ll work from home. I’ve picked up my essential equipment, and I’m going to do it from here.” he replied almost monotonically, lacking any enthusiasm. Maybe he was merely trying to be sympathetic, knowing all too well that you - a waitress at a café - couldn’t possibly work from home, but you still felt bitterness twist your stomach. He was so lucky. 

“That’s good.”

“Yeah,” he added as if he didn’t want silence to cover the two of you, but his word was drowned by the sound of the water boiler anyway, and then you were left alone in the kitchen with a searing cup of tea and more questions than answers. You didn’t even know who could give you the answers you wanted. Probably no one. And you weren’t ready to face the truth, not yet.

That night, you slept on the couch in the living room, already thinking of using the excuse of sleeping through a movie you watched on TV (a bad habit of yours), and turning in as you turned the TV off.

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137 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

#2

picture perfect

➳ Characters: Heeseung x reader/you

➳ Genre: love alarm au (you don’t need to know the love alarm series to understand the plot), hurt comfort, angst, slice of life, fluff

➳ Words: 8.2k

➳ Warning: low self-esteem, pressuring parents, competitive school life, one mention of falling down because of dizziness and its resulting bruise

➳ Story playlist: picture perfect

➳ Taglist: @dat-town, @sweetjaemss, @hira127, @hyunjinswife​, @winterbeartaehyungbestboy​

➳ Check out: my Enhypen masterlist

“I’m sorry”, you want to scream, shout and throw a tantrum, but instead, you let him wrap his arms around you, and this time, you don’t protest. And he stays. Being weak beside him doesn’t mean he will leave, and for the first time since seeing him again, you realise why he still likes you.

He hasn’t given up on you, he accepted you with everything that you were and still does so, and that is enough for you to hold onto him as he’s hugging you. To really hold onto him.

Valentine’s Day.

Seems like such a cliché concept in today’s world with Love Alarm being around. When you can have an app that notifies you when someone within your 10 m radius likes you, why would you need a special day to celebrate love? One can receive so much more love each day (such as celebrities) than anyone throughout their entire lives, and if it hasn’t been apparent enough before, now with Love Alarm, the difference is exceptionally striking.

Sure, you know the feeling all too well. The pressure to download the app because everyone else has it and the foolish hope that maybe, just maybe someone who you might not have thought would like you actually likes you, your Love Alarm finally ringing when you two are close enough to each other. You know how you were the same deep down when you were younger; even though you were buried under school and stress and the pressure to do well as the youngest sibling, you were hoping.

Only to realise that you couldn’t like the one who rang your Love Alarm, and no one has ever rung it since then. You haven’t rung his Love Alarm then, and you haven’t rung anyone else’s since then either.

Ironically enough, you haven’t yet deleted the app either because this way, you can prove to yourself that you aren’t lovable enough, and that your heart is closed off, and no one can break through. Love is such an odd phenomena to you; even when you hear the all too familiar ringing sound on the streets, even when you see the ads based on people ringing each other’s alarms, even when you witness just how frequently your older sister’s Love Alarm rings whenever you walk down the streets with her, you feel like it’s the furthest thing from you when love is literally shoved up in your face even more these days than ever before.

You are fine this way though, and the sight of the pink and red balloons by the entrance of the bookstore and the countless heart-shaped decorations hung on the shelves don’t faze you either. Neither does the sound of a few alarms ringing around you, signalling how people around you like each other. You know what you need to pick up from the bookstore, and you know where to find it, so you make your way to the English section, standing by the shelf to scan through the books, holding your phone in your hand to keep checking the exact title of the book.

You don’t even pay much attention to your surroundings, but when you hear the ringing sound from your own phone, your breath is caught in your throat. You look down at the screen, confused, your heart making a silly little turn. Surely, there’s something wrong. The app must be malfunctioning. It can’t be that you meet someone at this bookstore, someone who knows you enough to like you, and they’re just close enough to you to ring your Love Alarm. There isn’t even anyone in this row who could-

Turning your head, you realise that there’s actually someone standing a few steps further from you, looking just as bewildered to see you here as you are. Maybe not just because of the fact that you’re here, but also how you’re here, between rows of books, being the only two students looking for a book.

Just like almost two years. At the library of your high school.

When he rang your Love Alarm, and you didn’t ring his back.

Lee Heeseung.

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185 notes - Posted April 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

bf material.pptx

It takes Keeho some time and Taeyang’s advice - aka the voice of reason - to realise that he actually might be in love with you. As expected, he confesses in the most Keeho way possible.

➳ Characters: best friend!Keeho x reader/you

➳ Genre: fluff, comedy, best friends to lovers

➳ Words: 5.4k

➳ Taglist: @dat-town, @tranquilpetrichor​

➳ Check out: my masterlist for more stories

It takes Keeho some time and Taeyang’s advice - aka the voice of reason - to realise that he actually might be in love with you. As expected, he confesses in the most Keeho way possible.

You and Keeho have been best friends since day 1. Literally. Your mothers have given birth on the same day at the same hospital, and their hospital rooms were right beside the other’s, so once the rumour that two kids were born almost in the same minute got out, they were destined to meet and become best friends.

With your mothers being best friends, you two were playing together from the very beginning, so it’s no exaggeration when you tell people that you know Keeho ever since you can remember. Really. He’s always been in your memories as someone who was there, who was with you, and now you couldn’t even imagine your life without him and his random memes that he finds at 2am, song obsessions that he begs you to listen to until you finally give in, very unfortunate kitchen accidents (once he burned a tortilla that you asked him to look over while you were off to the bathroom) and just overall iconic moments. He probably started the trend of being the main character because he’s that kind of person, and you’re lucky that he has space in his heart for you (and a special one on top of that!) given how many people he meets and befriends.

You also vibe with his guy best friend (because you are the girl best friend or so he tells you so himself), a guy named Choi Taeyang, who’s also the same age as you (though not exactly the same day like you and Keeho). He’s a great guy and even though they share many similarities, you always find it hilarious when Taeyang gives him such disgusted or judgemental stares. Not that you don’t do so when Keeho can’t chill out for the love of God, but it’s always more fun when you see it from an outsider’s perspective.

You and Keeho also live relatively close to each other (a 20-minute walk is all it takes though you competed when you were younger who could beat the other’s record at running to the other’s house), so you went to the same elementary school, middle school and high school. Having him around has always been fun because even though you don’t hate people, you find it more difficult to socialise, yet having a social butterfly as your best friend guaranteed that you wouldn’t be alone, and soon enough, everyone in your neighbourhood knew who Yoon Keeho was, and that you two were best friends.

Then came university, and you were accepted into different ones, so you don’t meet each other every single day. Which is odd considering that you’ve done so probably for the last 20 years of your lives, but what can you do? You work it out either way, you still frequently meet up, have sleepovers and you never stop sending messages to each other, let it be at 1am crying over an assignment that you just can’t seem to finish because your rock singer neighbour is practising so loud that you can’t concentrate or in the middle of the day, asking the other if you had lunch already.

It’s the usual today as well, so once you discuss that you haven’t eaten lunch and you both have some time to spare before your next class, you decide to meet up halfway between your campuses for a good old Chinese stir-fry.

“Hey, bestie! How have you been?” Keeho literally crushes into the seat on the other side of the table, his beg reaching the ground with a loud thud. His hair is currently blue though it has been green, orange and burgundy before because it’s his way to show his mother that he remembers when she told him that he can only start dying his hair when entering university. Needless to say, Keeho hasn’t stopped dying his hair ever since.

“Been good, nothing much since the text I sent you about 20 minutes ago,” you chuchle at both his grand arrival and the giddy smile on his face. “How about you?”

“You know me. I could set a house on fire, but nothing happened on my way here, thanks for asking,” he emphasises as he runs a hand through his sky blue locks. You look at him fondly, happy to see him in person yet again.

You can’t have this moment to yourself because the waitress is already at your table, asking about your orders. It’s not like you need to think about it, you both go for your usual order, and chit-chat your way through the waiting for the steaming bowls of stir-fry. You talk about your classes and current assignments and weird neighbourhood stories, you get another list of song recommendations and recipes that he wants you to try out (because he would suck at it and he knows), and somewhere along the way you find yourself blurting out:

“There’s this guy in one of my classes and I have a feeling that he likes me.”

You want him to know because 1) he’s your best friend 2) he knows everything about you and you don’t want to leave this one out either 3) maybe, just maybe you have a crush on said best friend and want to see his reaction. On the other hand, you don’t think that he could be so casual about it even though Keeho is one of the most patient people you’ve ever met (he probably exhausts only himself at times).

“What’s the problem with that? Just give him a chance,” he shrugs as he chugs down the rest of his boba tea, and it takes you aback how unbothered he is. You wouldn’t be if he told you that he thinks a girl likes him at uni, but you guess it answers all your unasked questions.

“But I don’t like him, and I feel nothing beside him. I believe you just know if you like someone or there’s a chance you like them, but there’s nothing,” you add, picking at your napkin as if it could help to solve all your problems, but sadly, it doesn’t. It just makes you look pathetic, you assume.

“Well then, don’t. Just say that you have a boyfriend or something. I can cosplay as your boyfriend if he needs convincing,” he offers playfully, but you nearly choke on the rest of your mango juice. Thank god it’s only nearly because that would have been awkward, but you still feel like you croak out the words when you ask:

“How about you? There’s no girl around whom you might like?”

“Noooo. Nope.” Keeho looks so offended as if you asked him if he was the one who managed to punch through your wall at the age of 7 (you know it was your neighbour repairing some stuff, but he was the one who was beside the wall at that time). “How about you?”

You need a second (or maybe two) to pull yourself together before you can answer.

“Well, I guess not then,” you say as you forcefully raise your lips into a smile, but Keeho is busy hunting for the last few boba pearls from his bubble tea, and doesn’t look up to meet your disappointed stare.

You guess you just have to live with your one-sided love for your best friend until the end of your life.

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302 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mslizsteele-stories]

Rosé

☾︎✯☽︎

The club was already packed by the time my shift started. I could feel the presence of the loud music and bass pass through me like a ghost taking possession of its host. The neon lights were moving, flashing and zipping around and across the place in a frenzy. People were dancing, grinding against each other and making out while others already crowded the bar waiting for their drinks and to be attended to.

Show time.

"Hi, welcome to The Coup d'Etat. What can I do for you?" I smiled at the group of ladies waiting at the bar.

"Hi, can you open up a bar tab for us?" one of them, a brunette, asked, nodding towards her friends, who were drooling at the sight of me - nothing new.

"Sure. Will you be paying in cash or card?"

"Cash, we're splitting the bill."

"Okay, what would you like for your tab?"

"Soju will be fine. Thanks."

I took out a tray and some glasses before striding over to the fridge to collect the soju. After filling the bucket with ice, and placing the bottles of soju inside, I placed the bucket into the tray and pushed it toward the customers. "Here you go. Let me know when you want to close your tab."

"Sure thing."

They left for their booth, but not before one of them winked at me.

As I was about to move on to the next batch of customers, I bumped into a blonde woman who, from the looks of it, was in a rush to get to wherever she wanted to go.

"I'm so sorry." She apologized with a bow until she had a good look at me. "Hey, you must be the new guy GD told me about. The guy I'm supposed to monitor during my shift."

I quirked an eyebrow, "Sounds like your boss doesn't trust me."

She waved her hand, "He does that to every new employee. Heck! He did that to me when I first started working here. I'm Chaeyoung, by the way." She stuck out her hand towards me.

I shook her hand. "Ollie."

"Well, Ollie. Normally, I would train you on what to do and how to handle the POS system, but it seems like you know your way around it. So, I'll serve the tables while you handle things here at the bar. Sound good?"

"Sure thing."

The rest of the evening was pretty much uneventful aside from tending to the customers. Chaeyoung was anywhere and everywhere, taking orders, clearing the tables, and checking on the customers while also helping me at the bar when need be. I was pretty much accustomed to the nightlife in the club; watching people dance and have the time of their life, the music, the lights (and thank God the ventilation in the club was good).

"You okay there?" I asked the blonde who was leaning against the bar and groaned.

"I'm just glad that I can rest for a bit." She said. "Why do the weekends always be so damn busy?"

"Well, a lot of people like to spend their weekends going to clubs and bars, especially college and university kids," I said. "Besides, more people. More tips."

She groaned again. "And the fact that I'm a broke uni kid is not doing me any favours."

"Well, I wouldn't know since I'm not a uni kid."

She looked at me confused. "Did you drop out?"

"Nope. I never went to college or university after I graduated high school. Went straight to the military and left two years later."

"How old are you?"

"Thirty."

"Holy shit!" her eyebrows flew up. "You're old."

"Hey, I'm not that old." I frowned. "Gosh. What is up with you kids and thinking thirty is old."

"That's literally the age to already be married and have kids."

"Yet your generation is already getting married and having kids at eighteen."

She opened her mouth to retort, but no sound or syllable left her mouth. I chuckled at her reaction, knowing that she knew I was right.

"Anyway!" she changed the subject. "Where are you from? You don't sound like you're here. Not to forget, you look way too exotic to be Korean."

"I'm Chinese, but I grew up in Australia."

"Oh, my God! You're an Aussie!" she squealed, switching to English with a strong Aussie accent.

I chuckled. "Yes, I'm an Aussie."

"Chris and Felix are going to be so hyped when I tell him we have another Aussie on the team."

"How many are there."

"It's just the three of us. Other foreigners work here, but either way, it's good to meet another foreigner. Us foreigner folks gotta stick together, am I right?"

I hummed, conceding with her statement.

Suddenly the music stopped, and the lights turned. My eyes found the stage where the DJ booth was. I saw smoke lurking around the stage and blending with the deep blue neon lights until a song with a fusion of moombahton and Latin trap music started playing. Eight feminine figures emerged and walked up to the stage and stood in line, four standing across from each other as though they made a path for someone.

The spotlight shined on the ninth dancer, a dark-haired woman whose hair was just above her shoulders and her bangs covering her forehead. She wore a white crop top with crystal tinsels along with a pair of denim shorts with a glitter belt around her waist and a pair of white glitter knee-high combat boots.

My eyes were focused on her as she walked up to the centre of the stage, and her dancers broke their formation. The way her body movement was in synch with the rhythm of the song. The expressions she made while she danced. Everyone's attention was on her and her alone.

"That's Lisa." Chaeyoung's voice broke me out of whatever spelt that woman had put me under.

I looked at her.

"The girl you're staring at." She clarified. "Her name is Lisa. She's one of the dancers here, and people pay a lot of money to see her perform, let alone give them a private performance in one of our VIP lounges. She's pretty good, ain't she?"

I turned my gaze back to the dancer. "I'm no dance guru since I can't dance to save my life, but she's pretty good, I guess."

"Oof! Don't say that in her presence, though. She will make sure you'll change that statement from pretty good to pretty amazing." She playfully bumped her shoulder against mine. "But she's pretty chill when she's off stage. A little mischievous but pretty chill."

I hummed, making no comment. Not that I needed to anyway. I did consider Chaeyoung's comment about this girl, but I decided to push it aside and not dwell much on it. It wasn't like I was going to see her outside of work, let alone talk to her. It was probably better that way.

"Well, break time is over." Chaeyoung stretched. "Those tables aren't going to serve themselves."

"Good luck," I said as she left the bar.

<-Prev

Next->

[theintrovertbean]

The second request, how would Nadia handle a female MC that’s really horny all the time? 👀 especially knowing how busy it probably gets around the palace here and there.

Ngl, with Nadia as my girlfriend, I'd be horny all the time too. I mean, just look at Nadia; she's perfect. And her personality? I would die for her.

I know I took my sweet time with this one, and I don't really have an excuse except for drowning in anxiety. I was supposed to start my second year at uni yesterday, but I was so anxious that I ended up with a fever and such things, so now I'm here, writing the requests that are long due because this is way more fun than thinking about all the academic essays that I will have to write in the next few months. Now I understand why uni students drink so much. Sorry, I'm just rambling. But yeah, don't go to uni.

But anyway, thank you for your requests, Anon! As always, this was very fun to write, and you're a cutie.

Nadia x Fem!MC, who is horny all the time

MINORS DNI!

Bold of you to assume that Nadia isn't also horny all the time. Her mind is constantly on the apprentice, so no wonder those thoughts tend to wander. 

Our dear Nadia would spend all day in bed with her MC if she could, but she is a busy and responsible Countess. Even when she doesn't have any work to do, which is rare, someone always manages to do something that requires her attention.

Nadia is beautiful, gentle, kind, and powerful. Even looking at the Countess and watching her perform the smallest tasks leaves MC needy and dripping for her.

Sometimes she visits Nadia during the day while the Countess works. If she's lucky and there isn't much to do, Nadia sends away the nearby guards, leaving the pair alone wink wonk

But, sadly, it isn't always the case. There are many occasions when Nadia can't allow herself a break from work, but that is all part of being a good Countess. 

Nadia's heart and cunt aches whenever she has to send MC away, but she has no choice. 

However, the Countess' girlfriend/wife can not be left unsatisfied. 

Nadia is more than happy to order her lover around, especially in the bedroom. In many cases, she already knows that she is going to have a busy day after she wakes up, so she prepares a letter for her apprentice with very clear instructions.

Nadia usually tells MC one of two things: in the Countess' absence, she either has to touch herself or not touch herself at all. The latter can be quite a challenge.

Nadia has a variety of toys that MC can use on herself during the day, and the Countess expects her to try all of them and choose her favorites. And when Nadia finishes work, she asks her beloved to tell her which ones she likes the most, so Nadia can use them on her. 

But there is something arousing about knowing that her sweet MC is aching for Nadia all day, unable to touch herself because the Countess said so. 

And when the time comes, and Nadia retires to her bedroom for the evening, she finds the apprentice on the bed with their thighs squeezed together, obedient and aching to be fucked by her. 

Depending on Nadia's mood, there's tons of edging and overstimulation. She's not stopping until MC is a satisfied mess.

However, there are times when MC disobeys. Being away from Nadia is so hard, and she just can't help herself, she knows she is not supposed to do it, but she has to touch herself.

And every time that happens, Nadia knows. How? It's a mystery that the Countess is not willing to reveal. 

For disobeying Nadia, MC has to be punished. Even thinking about all the things she could do to her makes Nadia bite her bottom lip.

Spanking is definitely on the table. 

Since MC already got her release while the Countess was away, it is now Nadia's turn. Nadia orders the apprentice to get on the bed, and she might even tie her up, allowing the Countess to do whatever she wants to her. 

And it means Nadia sitting on her face using MC for her own pleasure<3 

She does not get off until she decides she has had enough. 

And then, she might decide to make MC come too, but sometimes she might leave them without an orgasm. 

But perhaps, with some begging, Nadia's mind can be changed.

[seokstrivia]

Neon Lights | dpr live

↬ Summary: You and Dabin work in a club, that’s it, that’s the fic

or, a cute moment between two friends 

↬ Club!AU | word count: 2.4k

↬ DPR Live x Reader: friends to lovers au, slowish burn, it takes place in a club where the two of you work, confessions, one-shot, fluff, minor angst, it's just short and sweet 

↬ A/N so this is my first khh fic on this account, if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask, I hope this was enjoyable and you all welcome my love for khh to this blog, thank you <3 

A long and tiring sigh parted your lips as you dragged your feet towards the cloakroom. Sure, getting paid meant that you could buy food and feed yourself, pay bills and stay warm through winter, but you were 100% certain that it did not mean never getting any time to rest.

You were putting your jacket away when you heard a small chuckle behind you, one that you knew all too well. A pout formed its way onto your lips while you turned around to face the one person you would do absolutely anything for.

Hong Dabin— your work best friend.

“Good to see you’re happy to be here!” His tone was chirpy, but as usual, laced with sarcasm.

It made you roll your eyes before straightening your shoulders and crossing your arms. Almost in a way to intimidate him or stare him down, but he only smiled in return and you sighed in defeat.

“Do you know how hard it was to stay awake during my last lecture today?” You moaned as you followed him to his spot at the bar. “Clarkson’s monotone voice seeps right through me, I don’t know if I can take it anymore.”

Dabin shook his head before laughing at the forlorn expression etched into your face. Sometimes he wished he could take a picture so he could keep it forever, but you would probably threaten him and force him to delete it.

He knew you well. Maybe, a little too well.

“You’re just being dramatic as usual,” he told you, earning a scoff in return. “I’ll treat you to a nice meal once we’re out of here.”

That was enough to lighten your mood and get you situated at the front door, minutes before opening, with a smile on your face.

The rest of the night was nothing more than a blur, your job was to sit at the register by the front doors making sure anyone who walked in paid before going any further into the club. But it got boring and quiet after a certain time and, to be honest, the only thing keeping you going was the thought of getting something to eat with Dabin.

Hence, as soon as you were done with work and as soon as the place was vacant, you frantically sped towards the cloakroom to find Dabin. He was already there, tugging his jacket over his shoulders before twisting around to face you with a sheepish smile.

That’s not good. You sighed.

“No food?”

He went to open his mouth to speak; probably to spout out a reason or two, but you'd beat him to it.

“It’s okay! There’s always a next time.”

The smile on your face didn’t falter, it wasn’t fake— it was genuine and that was something he loved about you.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” That was the last thing he said before hurrying out the door.

You watched his figure disappear with pursed lips, wondering what came up—did something happen within his family? Did his friend finally break up with his snotty girlfriend? Did his goldfish die—wait, he doesn’t have a goldfish?

A giggle parted your lips as you laughed at yourself while moving for your jacket and bag. It was finally time to go home after a long and somewhat exhausting week.

Your bed was calling your name.

>

"You know what we should do?" Your friend urged, face way too close to yours.

"Sleep forever?" You mumbled in question while moving your face away from hers.

She chuckled in return, full and hearty before playfully bumping your arm with hers, "no silly! We should go clubbing this weekend."

A grunt left your lips, you knew this was coming from the second you'd informed her of your first weekend ever off work.

"That's far from what I think we should do this weekend," you told her before moving your chair slightly away from hers.

Mina was always bursting your personal space bubble without fail.

However, you could never stay mad at her, she was your best friend since birth and had never left your side. She was also extremely supportive, albeit annoying.

"I think it'll be fun."

You turned to stare at Mina, there was a pout on her face as if it would help convince you to say yes.

Unfortunately, it did help.

"Okay, fine! We can go clubbing."

A shriek of happiness emitted from her lips in excitement, it had been a while since you two hung out on the weekend and truth be told, she missed being able to spend time outside of University with you.

But, so did you.

Okay, so maybe you wouldn't be able to sleep the whole weekend away, but at least you'll have a good time.

Plus Dabin would be tending the bar.

The rest of the week was spent talking about what to wear, what time to be ready by and what drinks to buy to get a little tipsy before going to the club.

Mina wouldn't stop talking about, 'the best weekend ever,' it was annoying sometimes, but you couldn't bring yourself to get mad at her since it had been a while since you got the weekend off.

You missed it.

"Is Dabin working tonight?" Mina asked while finishing her makeup.

You were ready half an hour ago, but you never really dressed up. Comfort was always the way to go.

"Yeah, he should be unless he calls in sick," you told her while sipping on your drink.

Mina's eyes met yours through the mirror, the smirk on her lips had you rolling your eyes as she bounced her eyebrows up and down in a teasing manner.

"Shut up," you snorted.

She shrugged her shoulders before returning to her makeup, "I didn't say anything."

A chuckle parted tour lips making her smile.

"You didn't have to."

Sometimes you thought you could read her mind, but in reality, you just knew each other that well.

***

The club was already bouncing with people, most of the crowd was already drunk but, that was a given with cheap drinks.

Mina stretched for your hand and proceeded to skillfully advance through the crowd to get to the bar. A smile made its way to her lips when she noticed who was working at the bar.

"Will you buy me a drink while I quickly go and pee?"

You rolled your eyes at her before telling her to be careful and quick.

When you turned to face the bar after watching Mina disappear towards the toilets, you were met with Dabin's big, cheesy grin.

"Hi! I'm surprised to see you here," he teased, moving closer so you could hear him better. "I thought you would be in bed sleeping."

You flicked his forehead with your finger causing him to grimace in pain, "Mina said she wanted to go out, so... very reluctantly, I said yes."

He chuckled in response, feeling sympathy and understanding that you would much rather be asleep than somewhere loud and crowded.

"Well, can I get you anything?"

You shook your head, 'no,' before glimpsing at the direction Mina was standing, "he's gonna keep her distracted for a while, so I think... I'll just hang around here."

"And keep me company?" Dabin replied as he glanced away from the two now making out. "I'm flattered."

A chuckle parted your lips as you made yourself comfortable on one of the many empty bar stools.

The majority of the night was spent talking to Dabin, catching up and talking about how Uni was going for the two of you.

It was nearing 1:30 am when Dabin finally asked you if you were ever going to get off your ass and enjoy your night.

"You think there’s a reason that I sit at the counter talking to you all night while you bartend... No, of course, there isn't- WHO’S THAT GIRL AND WHY IS SHE WINKING AT YOU?"

You were drunk.

Dabin rolled his eyes and shook his head, "that's my ex."

You gasped in return, this was your first time hearing this, "you have an ex? But you told me that you'd been single all your life."

"I told you I was single most of my life."

"What's the difference?"

Dabin shrugged his shoulders, annoyed that you thought he'd been single forever. Did you think he was ugly or something? Maybe you thought he would only ever make it as a friend.

A sigh parted his lips as he stepped away to serve others at the bar.

You stopped staring at his ex only to find Dabin was on the other side of the bar—with a frown etched on his face.

Was it something you said?

When he came back towards your end, he handed you bottled water before turning to leave again, however, you were quick to grab for his arm, a look of concern lazed across your features.

"I'm sorry if I upset you."

Dabin removed your hand from his arm, he glanced over at his ex before making eye contact with you, "it's not like you would understand. You're the one who's been single their whole life."

His words didn't hurt because they were true, and they didn't mean anything to you. You just hadn't found the right person yet, but it wasn't difficult to understand that Dabin was upset.

And that it was most likely your fault.

>

"Are you working tomorrow night?" Mina asked.

You nodded.

"Is Dabin working."

An exhalation parted your lips as you shook your head, 'no.'

"He's off this weekend," you told her.

Mina knew you were still beating yourself up over the whole ex ordeal with him, even if you couldn't pinpoint exactly what you had said that upset him.

This is why she spoke to Ian, Dabin's best friend, and asked him if they were going out clubbing Friday night. Let's just say she was over the moon when he said yes, and you were slightly freaking out when she told you.

"Wow," Mina exclaimed when she reached the bar. "So, you're bartending tonight!"

You chuckled at the excitement in her tone and nodded your head, "someone called in sick, so I'll be stuck here tonight."

"This is great!" She shouted before going off to find the friends she'd come out with.

It wasn't long before the bar was filled with people asking for drinks, it kept your mind busy and distracted from Dabin.

It kept you so distracted that you didn't even notice him sitting on the stool at the far end of the bar. The very seat you'd taken just last week.

It made you smile, but also made you feel nervous.

"Hi," you spoke softly, but loud enough for him to hear. "What can I get you?"

The scowl on his face caught you off guard, but the slur in his voice told you that he was very drunk.

"Do you think I'm ugly?"

You stared at him for a solid minute before pinching his cheek, even though he was drunk, he could still feel the pain.

"Of course I don't think you're ugly!" You argued. "What gave you that idea?"

He shrugged his shoulders with a pout on his lips and stroked his cheek, hoping the pain would quickly subside.

"You thought I'd been single my whole life."

"That's only because you'd never spoke about your ex before," you told him. "I don't think you've ever told me anything about your personal life, to be honest."

Dabin stared into your eyes with his red and tired ones.

"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions," you added.

And then, he smiled.

"If you liked me more than a friend," he slurred in a serious tone. "I would have confessed my feelings by now."

His words caught you off guard but you couldn't ask him what he meant since he was gone and, well, you had a job to do.

However, his words lingered endlessly in your mind for the rest of the night. Was this his way of saying that he liked you? Dabin liked you this whole time and you didn't even know?

Your mind was reeling by the end of the night, Dabin filled your mind with endless thoughts. Wait, if he liked you, why didn't he ask you out on a date?

A sigh parted your lips as you wiped down the bar, watching groups of people huddle together as they were all ushered out of the club.

Mina hurried over to the bar before leaving, her footing was clumsy, but it made you laugh. You assumed she's forgotten the keys to the flat and that's why she was rushing over, however, you were in fact, wrong.

"Did you speak to Dabin?"

You frowned in confusion, "I did, but he was drunk so it wasn't for long."

She nodded her head in response before leaving and waving goodbye.

You rolled your eyes, watching her stumble towards the male she'd met last week. A potential boyfriend she had told you, which didn't surprise you.

It didn't take you long to finish cleaning, but you were exhausted and couldn't wait for your bed. It was nearing 3:30 am when you left the club, the area was empty and quiet as you walked towards your car.

Dabin, who you thought had gone home hours ago, was leaning against the car door. Staring at the night sky, admiring the stars, something in your stomach churned, and you felt your heart begin to beat faster the closer you got.

"Hey," you smiled, keys in hand as you unlocked the car. "You need a ride home?"

His eyes finally met yours, he appeared to have sobered up as a smile rose across his lips, "if you don't mind," he chuckled. "Honestly, I just wanted to apologise."

"For what?"

"For being an idiot," he said. "Selfish, mostly. I got upset that maybe you'd never see me as anything more than a friend."

You punched his arm causing him to wince in pain, "you're an idiot, Dabin."

He shrugged his shoulders while rubbing the pain away.

"If you'd just told me how you felt or I dont know? Asked me out on a date," you argued. "You would have found out that I feel the same."

"You like me?" He asked carefully, eyes searching yours for answers—for anything.

"Yeah, I do."

A wide smile adorned his lips before his arms found your waist and lured you in for a hug, you giggled in return while coiling your arms around his neck.

"Will you go on a date with me?" He asked as he drew back to look at you.

You rolled your eyes, "took you long enough."

[divinegrey]

The divinegrey Q&A!

firstly, thank you to all of you who submitted questions! it means a lot to me that you guys cared enough to ask :) so without further ado, let's begin!

GENERAL QUESTIONS

Q) hello, love! For the Q&A, what’s your favorite dinosaur? Or, if you don’t have one, favorite color? Make sure you eat, drink, and rest darling <3

A) Favorite dinosaur? That’s a hard one. Probably any of the ones that had wings. Those funky boys are cool as hell. My favorite color is either dark purple or dark green! And thank you :)

Q) hee hoo peanut

A) Cashews are better than peanuts. Almonds are the worst. Don’t @ me

Q) Since euphoria is coming back January 9th can you do a rue x fem reader or something, maybe like a mini series?

A) Good question! I like euphoria a lot as a show, but I definitely don’t think I would ever write for it, personally.

Q) Do you practice cartomancy?

A) I’m trying to! Between Uni and my other hobbies, I haven’t had a lot of time to actually sit down and learn it.

Q) How do you come up with such complex backstories? I find myself kinda sticking to the same handful of traumas, but what you write is so original and unique. Like your character building is off the charts awesome

A) Thank you for the compliment! Trust me, it takes a while to get good at character building. One of the funniest things about that question is that playing D&D helps a lot with character building. When you’re playing a character you actively have to roleplay, you have to go more than just making a backstory. You have to think about mannerisms, traits, likes and dislikes, their habits. Ever since I started playing D&D I’ve gotten way better at character building for my stories :)

VANISHER QUESTIONS

vanisher series spoilers ahead. proceed with caution!

Q) I would like to know more about the cards actually / I actually would like to learn more details about the cards, if you wouldn't mind nerding out about that

A) Alright, so let me clarify first that I'm in no way an expert with cartomancy. I’m only just starting to learn it! Let’s take a look at the cards Van drew during part 10:

the seven of hearts— the suit of hearts ties to emotional feelings. The seven of hearts specifically reads as broken promises, which is fitting as this card was drawn when Vi and Jinx were talking.

The six of hearts— this one was picked when Vanny was trying to analyze the relationship between Vi and Caitlyn. The six of hearts represents a surprise new love interest. Fitting right?

The eight of spades— I already detailed what this one meant in the chapter itself, but it means deceit, danger, and that caution is advised. Van drew this one when Caitlyn had the machine gun aimed at Jinx. For who the caution was advised for, I think we can all collectively agree it was for Caitlyn. Hope this answers your cartomancy questions!

Q) Is Van shorter than Jinx?

A) Nope. Van’s canonical height is 5’8 whereas Jinx is 5’3

Q) Does Van have a tattoo?

A) Nope. She’s free of any tattoos. She didn’t have the time to get any, nor the need to. She loves Jinx’s tattoos, though.

Q) Would Jinx and Van get matching tattoos?

A) Down the line, they probably would. Jinx would likely get the hidden blades crossed over her heart as a tattoo (like over her sternum) because of Van doing that during the table scene, and Van would go really simple and get a tattoo of Pow-Pow breaking a chain, somewhere easy to hide. She’s still a paid assassin.

Q) What’s your writing process for the series?

A) I’m a pantser, meaning I tend to write by the seat of my pants and go with no plans at all. When I started writing the Vanisher Series, I didn’t even know how I was going to end it. In terms of characterization, I just tried to identify their baseline emotions and go from there. For grammar, I have grammarly checking my writing because frankly I do not care to proofread my own work (this post is not sponsored by grammarly. they suck sometimes).

Q) Who was the hardest to write?

A) Jinx, for sure. I wanted to get it across that she still has manic and psychotic tendencies, so I had to do a lot of research into that. Being in a psychology class helped a lot, actually. Everyone else had consistent characterization, but Jinx is the wild card. She changes on the daily, but she still has one or two emotions she always comes back to.

Q) What made you think of writing the Vanisher Series?

A) I’m a lesbian in love with Jinx. That’s pretty much it.

Q) Do you listen to any songs while writing / What are your song inspirations?

A) I made a playlist detailing every song I listened to consistently while writing the Vanisher Series! If I wasn’t working on it with my hearing implants turned off (I focus better when I work in silence) then I was listening to the playlist. Primarily the biggest inspiration was Halsey.

Q) Where would Jinx and Van end up after the Vanisher series? Do they still stay in Zaun? Or do they travel and do their own things there?

A) After the events of the Series, they spend some time laying low and keeping their heads down because of the explosion on the Hexgates. Van is, quite frankly, filthy rich from all of the money she has socked away from her jobs, so they just hang around until everything calms down. I imagine neither of them haven’t traveled much outside of Piltover and Zaun at all, so they might do that. I’ve heard Demacia is nice at this time of year.

Q) What would you have named the Vanisher? Before she had forgotten the name?

A) There are two answers here. The first one is that, if it had ever actually been brought up, it would’ve been “Y/N” because Van is you, by all technicality. If you’re asking me what I would’ve named my interpretation of Vanny before she got mind-whacked into being an assassin, my answer is Phoenix. I would’ve named her Phoenix, because my interpretation of Van has dark red hair. Again, that’s my interpretation, not what the canon Van actually is. Part of the reason why I gave Van the name Vanny, Vanisher, anything like that is so I could avoid using Y/N. I hate using that. It feels weird, clunky, and out of place when I write it so I try to avoid using it at all costs.

Q) Does Vanny know about the workshop explosion in ep 1? I think it would be kinda cool if she did, seeing as she lived in Piltover. Or was she already under Yeloras training even then?

A) I actually had to check my timeline to see what the answer for this would’ve been. Van started her training with her mentor when she was nine, and she was twelve (same age as Jinx) when the explosion happened. Van remembers it, but she was really far into the memory-wiping stage of her training that it’s a little hazy.

Q) Will we be able to see any Vanny/Jinx oneshots or smaller prompts after your break?

A) Not sure. I like where I’ve left them, and I don’t feel any need to write any more about them. I guess if the demand for more of them is overwhelming I could try and write something!

Q) Are we going to get more of Vanny and Jinx in different Aus? or something explicit for Jinx?

A) Refer to the answer above. As for explicit content, I wouldn’t be counting on it. I used to be a somewhat prolific smut writer for some other fandoms but it’s been so long since I’ve written it that I doubt it would be good at all LOL

alright, everybody, that's the end of the Q&A! Thank you to everybody who submitted questions. this was a lot of fun to do! But for now, I'll catch you guys later. My inbox will be open to anons, but I'm officially on break :)

thanks for tuning in!

~grey

[outofsstyles]

WILDEST DREAMS

a/n: soo I’ve been working on this for a little while now and I’m very excited to share it with you al!! This piece is inspired by Taylor Swift’s music video for her song Wildest Dreams. If you’ve never seen the video, or don’t remember it really well, I recommend you watch it *after* reading the story so you don’t get it spoiled! If you’re interested then you can watch it by clicking *right here!!*

Word count:  17.2k                     Rated: M, mature           

You agree to help your friend on her film project and Harry is playing your love interest.

“You’ve been frowning a lot and haven’t said a single word in the past five minutes, what’s wrong?” You looked up to your quiet roommate sitting opposite to where you stood near the kitchen counter. 

A playlist you both had made months ago, meant only for cooking days, as Nia had instructed, played faintly in the background. You hummed along to the melody of a song you didn’t really know the name of, but had listened to it enough to mumble the lyrics, as you focused on cutting banana slices.

Nia was the one who brought up trying out a new fruit smoothie recipe she had found while scrolling around on Pinterest. She was pretty excited after coming home with the groceries, ready to start the process. Which is why seeing her sitting quietly as she glared at her phone was a big sign that something was wrong.

“I think Jordan is about to pull out on us,” she groaned loudly, locking her phone and throwing it on the counter, running her hands on her face, “I can’t believe this is happening a week before filming starts.”

“Oh, that’s not good news” you said, looking back at your friend’s defeated state in front of you as you threw the banana slices into the blender. “What happened?”

“He said he decided to go with his cousin to Ibiza.” Her arms muffled her voice as she lied on top of them, sighing once again, “this is the third one that leaves, I might as well just cancel the entire thing and fail this class.”

You rolled your eyes lightly at her, shaking your head as you listened to her dramatic reactions. Being her friend for as long as you have, you knew how stressed Nia got with a project, specially something she was passionate about. She was always too hard on herself, trying to push everything to be as perfect as possible, which is a good thing when you focused on the ultimate results. But she often tended to over-stress herself, and that’s what makes you worry.

With this one in particular, you could tell how excited she was from the day her teacher assigned it. She came back home and rambled for hours on end about making her first film. Which is why when she begged you to be part of it, and you couldn’t find it in your heart to say no. 

It was a small production after all, it just being Nia and her partner Evan, whom you have known had gotten close to her in the past months. She assured it would a rather simple concept, with only two characters. The trickiest part being the fact that they would film it out of town, in a camp house that belonged to Nia’s aunt. You had agreed to it to make her happy, and with her promise of buying you chocolate muffins. Most uni students, however, didn’t seem as keen to sacrifice a week of their spring break as you were.

“You’re being dramatic Nia,” you reassured, turning on the blender and cringing at the loud noise that took over the place. “Maybe they just read on the script that they would have to kiss me a couple of times and got too nervous about it,” you tried to humor, raising your voice a bit before turning the processor off. Nia looked back at you with a serious expression, making you scoff, “calm down, grumpy pants, I’m sure Evan knows someone who can do the role, stop worrying.”

“All I do is worry, you know that,” she sighed, standing up to walk towards the cabinets behind you. She selected two matching cups that she had gotten for your birthday, one had Elsa printed on it, and the other Anna. You smiled as she placed them on the counter, knowing you always thought matching friendship objects were silly, but Nia loved it, so you loved it too. She looked vaguely at the blender, letting her shoulder weight down.   “At least we have a banana smoothie.”

“And something else!” You said, jumping on your feet to get to the fridge and retrieved a tupperware. You held it in her direction and smiled, “leftover spaghetti from Joe’s!” you exclaimed, attempting to brighten her mood. She looked back at you, grabbing the container from your hands, as she tried to fight back a smile.

“Yes,  how could I forget the leftover spaghetti?”

**

As the days passed by, the both of you had gotten more stressed out. Nia was still worried about everything related to her film project. With the days passing by and no one to fill the other role on the script, she found herself on a daily cycle of stress breakdowns. 

Just two days after your former cast partner dropped out on the project to spend his week on the busy beaches of Ibiza, she had bought three different boxes of hair dyes. And as you helped her turn her hair into a light shade of pink, she cried about how everything seemed to go wrong in her life.

Meanwhile, you had been struggling to fight your procrastination tendencies and try to finish as much work as possible before spring break. A task that was showing itself to be extremely difficult, considering your mind seemed more focused on binge watching true crime shows on YouTube. 

The blank document stared back at you from your computer screen, as you wished that if you looked at it for long enough, the essay would somehow write itself. Writing a couple of words but soon deleting them and going back to an empty page, you signed. Why was it so difficult to introduce a topic? You took a sip of the hot drink on the sparkly Cinderella mug you had chosen for the day, another one of Nia’s Disney-related possessions. 

You frowned at the blank document, your failure to write a single paragraph still open in front of you. You heard a light knock on your bedroom door, but before you could even say anything, you spotted the already fading pink hair coming into the room. 

Nia walked in jumping excitedly, saying your name in little squeals and almost tripping down as she made her way to sit on your bed in front of you. Breathing out, she looked at you with a big smile and messy hair before blurting out.

“We’ve got you a husband!” you stared back at her, arching your eyebrows. You knew she was referring to the role on the film, but you still laughed off at her choice of phrasing. “Evan got someone, it’s like his old friend or something, said he trusts him not to drop out.”

“Well, fourth time’s a charm, I guess?” you smiled at her. 

“We’re planning a pizza night this Friday, so we can, you know, set the details and all that.” She properly lied down next to you, playing with the strings on the hem of your pajama shorts. “Also so you two can meet each other, of course, you’re going to be married for a week after all.”

“The way you say it seems like we’re actually doing it,”  You laughed, finally closing your computer, and moving down to face her. “We’re just playing characters, Nia.”

“I know, I know… You’re really no fun, aren’t you?” She moved her arm up to support her head and poked you with her free hand as you rolled your eyes at her. “Also, he seems pretty cute, Evan showed me his picture, maybe you two can hit off.”

“I’m sure he is,” you tried not to fall for her attempt on teasing you over someone you don’t even know. Sure, you’ll be playing love interests, but you’ve done this plenty of times before, back on your theatre days. Kissing someone on stage doesn’t mean you have feelings for them in real life, and you knew that pretty well. You sighed, looking down at her, not wanting to engage into this kind of topic.

“Anyway, should we celebrate your new cast member and my inability to write a single sentence about art history?” you changed the subject, trying to distract yourself from your own thoughts. “We could watch Devil Wears Prada and make caramel popcorn.”

Nia gasped dramatically, “these are the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard coming from those pretty lips of yours,”  jumping to her feet as she pulled you to stand with her. She then ran out of the room, screaming back, “I’ll get the blankets and you start with the popcorn!”

It’s been years since you’ve known Nia, but yet the dynamic between the two of you has never really changed. You’ve always considered yourself very lucky for having a friend like her in your life. From the day you met her in your English class, it was like seeing someone you had already known your entire life; it was always that easy to be with her. 

You two became inseparable from day one.

Looking back, it’s crazy for you to realize how well your high school plans with each other had turned out. Most people you know had those friends in school they only really talked to because they saw them five times a week. But as soon as graduation came by they parted their ways and became only good nostalgic memories for one another. With the two of you, everything just worked out. 

You both got into the university you wanted, ready to get matching art degrees. On your second year of college, you moved in together. And halfway through the course, Nia just dropped out to enroll on an eighteen months film school. And that’s when she met Nate. 

You always knew she was destined to be that kind of person who just has one great love in her life. Which was funny considering that anyone who spent over five minutes with her and Nate in the same room could swear they would never work together. They just were those kinds of couples who are the polar opposite of each other. 

Nia was a little social butterfly, who could start a conversation with anyone about anything. She could talk for hours with the old ladies at the grocery store about how the new brands of beans are just not as good as the ones not as well known. Or chat with the yoga moms about a new reality show that had premiered on Netflix. She loved experimenting on new things, trying out new recipes or mix distinct colors together on her clothes.

Nate, on the other hand, just wasn’t much of a talker at all. Since the start of their relationship, he often stops by at your apartment -wearing a different shade of grey every time - but it would be a lot to say that you two have had a conversation for longer than five minutes. He just mostly kept it to himself. 

They balanced each other, which is why they worked so well.

It would be a lie for you to say you didn’t think about having something like that for you. You thought maybe you just weren’t the kind of person to have one meaningful relationship in your life. And that was okay. You’d like to think you’re better off on your own, anyway. But now and then you wondered how it would be to fall asleep in someone’s arms every day.

But you tried your best to keep those thoughts locked away in the back of your head. You knew that for the most part love is not really meant to last, Nia was just part of the lucky few.

**

The atmosphere in your shared apartment was cozy, as you waited for Evan and his friend to arrive before you started the pizza hangout, as Nia called it. 

You both had spent the day tidying up the place, trying to decorate it a bit with some fairy lights and nice pillows you found in your room. It had been a long time since you had done any kind of social gathering in your home, and Nia wanted everything to be perfect. She even insisted on making the pizzas herself, which took most part of the afternoon, and a lot of bossing around on her part. 

By the time the food was in the oven and the only thing left to do was wait, her boyfriend joined the two of you. 

She was very talkative and bubbly, as she usually is, getting the wine bottles she selected for the evening and placing them on the counter as she chatted with him. It was nice seeing her back do being her usual self after such a stressful week. 

You got the right amount of glasses, placing them next to the bottles, as you hummed along to the Declan Mckenna’s voice playing in the background. You weren’t really paying attention to Nia’s babbles, catching a word or two as she rambled about some dolphin documentary she had to watch for one of her classes. Pouring out a glass for yourself, you looked over to Nate who had a puzzled look on his face, as he tried to make sense of whatever rant his girlfriend had going on. You took a sip of your wine, and laughed lightly at yourself at the contrast between the two of them, something you had always found very amusing to observe. But before you could go further into your thoughts, the sound of the buzzer took over the small apartment.

“They’re here!” Nia gushed, as she quickly made her way out of the kitchen to get the front door, yelling back at you to get the pizzas out of the oven.

“Yes, ma’am,” you teased after she left, earning a light chuckle from Nate. 

Making your way around the kitchen, you took out kitchen gloves that had figures of little chicks printed on them, giving one last check inside the oven to make sure everything was ready, before opening it and taking out the food. You could hear Nia greeting Evan excitedly in the background, as she rushed him and his friend to come inside. As their voices got closer, you turned your back to the entrance, concentrating on not burning yourself while you placed both pizzas on top of the counter.

“There’s our star!” You heard Evan’s loud voice taking over the kitchen space, making you look over your shoulder and laugh at him. 

You turned around while taking off the gloves, as he pulled you into a tight hug, the strong scent of his cologne invading your nostrils. He wasn’t much taller than you, making him being considered short for a man. But his presence in a room was always so loud and bright that he seem much bigger than he actually is. You pulled back and looked at him, suddenly feeling underdressed in your own home. His entire outfit was bright red, being consisted of a jean jacket and silk pants, his eyes matching with vibrant eyeshadow taking over his whole eyelids.

“It’s very nice to see you again Evan,”  you smiled at him, his hands still holding onto your shoulders as he looked warmly at you. “It’s been too long! You look fabulous!”

“Oh honey, you flatter me too much! It’s why I love coming here,” he scoffed playfully, coming to your side and wrapping one arm over your shoulder as he guided you. “But tonight is not about me, unfortunately. It’s about the two of you.”

As you finally moved your attention to the kitchen entrance, you realized another presence standing there. A man, who you assumed was Evan’s friend, already smirking down at you as both of you approached him. 

You suddenly felt nervous under his stare while you could hear Evan commenting on something you didn’t really pay attention to. You had been taken completely by surprise by the man standing in front of you. Sure, Nia had mentioned to you once or twice that he was good looking, but you were not expecting this. 

It was a weird feeling, being this affected by someone you had just met, but you would have to be blind not to notice. His face was beautiful, a sharp jawline contrasting his soft skin, his fingers poked at his bottom lip as he smirked, you could notice the hint of a dimple forming on his cheek. His hair was short, but still long enough to see the shape of slight curls forming in it, some locks falling charmingly against his forehead. But what hit you the most were his eyes, thanks to the dim lighting you couldn’t really tell if they were a shade of forest green or more of a hazel tone, but you could feel your cheeks warming up from the way he watched you as you got closer.

His shoulders were broad, as he was leaning against the entrance, the hand that wasn’t poking at his lip resting inside the pocket of his brown pair of trousers. He wore a blank white shirt, partly tucked in, underneath a beige cardigan. The sleeves had been rolled up to his elbows, making you notice the tattoos hugging the skin of his arms. You felt a curious wish to know how many more you could find under all the layers of clothing..

As you and Evan got closer, he moved from his leaning position to stand tall in front of you. The smile never leaving his lips, and his eyes still watching you closely.

“So, darling, meet Harry,” Evan spoke up, gesturing you towards his friend. “He’s a pest, but I’m sure you’ll get along just fine”

“Way to give a first impression, E,” Harry rolled his eyes at his friend’s teasing, before turning his attention back to you. He moved closer, embracing you into a side hug “S lovely to meet you-”

You quickly cleared your throat, afraid that your voice would give you away, before saying your name. The attempt didn’t really seem to work, as your words came out higher than you had intended. You could feel Nia’s gaze turning to you on the corner of your eye, but tried your best to ignore it. He repeated it, before shooting a smile in your direction, the sound of his deep voice and the way his lips circled around the words making the hairs behind your neck rise.

“Okay! So how about we move this party to the living room?” Nia’s voice broke into the atmosphere. “Everyone can get their wine glasses and make themselves comfortable while y/n and I finish arranging the pizzas.”

She shot you a knowing look, before moving to get the wine bottles and handing them to Nate. Everyone shifted to get their glasses and settle in the other room, leaving you and Nia alone. 

You moved to get the knives and looked at the pizzas standing on the counter in front of you, calculating how you could cut out even slices on each. You could see your friend from the corner of your eye leaning on the counter staring directly at you.

“You know you can’t fool me even for a second, miss,” she teased, you could hear the smirk on her voice.

“I’m not doing anything,” you murmured, still not looking in her direction. She scoffed, elbowing you lightly as she mimicked you, saying your name in a high-pitched voice. You shot her a dirty look before shushing her, afraid the guest in the other room could hear her teasing. “I didn’t sound like that!”

“Oh please! You should have seen how you looked at him!” She rolled her eyes at you, “thought you were gonna drop down on your knees right then and there!”

“Nia!” you screamed in a whisper, your cheeks warming up at her words as you pinched her, making her squeal. You quickly shot a look at the entrance to see if anyone might’ve heard her, but they seemed to be enrolled in their own conversation. “Let’s just get this done quickly before they suspect we’re in here for too long.”

“Okay, cheeky girl,” she bit her lip and moved to get a knife to cut one pizza, but still eyeing you with a slight smile, leaning in one last time, “but I told you he was cute.”

Eventually, the two of you finished sorting out the pizza slices and joined everyone in the living room. Nia then rushed to join her boyfriend on the loveseat, leaving the only spot available for you being between Harry and Evan on the couch. She shot you a teasing smile, but you tried your best to ignore it and focus on finishing the wine glass you had poured for yourself earlier.

“Okay, so I’m going to need everyone to eat the food and tell me how good it is,” Nia pointed out to the center table where the  pieces of pizza laid upon, “I’ve spent the entire afternoon on these babies, so eat up!”

“You know that I’ve helped you with them, right?” you added, squinting your eyes at her, “some credit wouldn’t hurt.”

“You only laid the toppings on the dough so they would look even,” she snapped back pointing a finger at you, “I did all the hard work, so shush it.”

But before anyone could move to get a slice, Evan was already stretching out his arms to stop you from moving. “Wait a second,” he spoke, “I feel like I’ve watched enough seasons of MasterChef to be the first one to judge.”

“I mean, you are the best critic I know,” Nia pointed, leaning in to get a slice and offering to Evan, “but again, I don’t really know any other critics.” She humored as he took the food, making a show of analyzing it.

Everyone waited expectantly as Evan bit into the pizza slice, keeping a straight face that didn’t reveal much of his opinions. Nia leaned in his direction, nervously biting her bottom lip as she waited for his final verdict.

“You have to be honest,” she warned, observing him, “but know that I can get my feelings hurt pretty easily.”

“I don’t mind that,” Evan finally said, straightening his posture as he looked back to Nia’s waiting eyes, “I’ll say that it’s not the best pizza I’ve ever had,” he announced, “but it works.”

“You know what, I take it,” everyone laughed lightly as Nia visibly released a breath she had been holding in, “It’s not a bad review for a first time.”

The hours went by quickly as you eased into a conversation with everyone. It was nights like this you missed the most when the stress of all the accumulative work weighted on your shoulders. Having a more of a cool night to hangout with a few friends, drinking some wine and chatting about whatever topic came to mind.

As time passed, you could tell Nia and Evan got more agitated, probably due to the amount of wine they had consumed without even realizing. They chatted excitingly about Midsommar, their voices raising a bit too loud. But every time you tried to shush them, jokingly reminding of the neighbors next door, they would soon forget about it again.  You watched them babble, giggling when they would get excited on a certain topic and start to trip over a few words. 

You also felt lighter because of the alcohol, not as much as them, but still enough so you could feel your chest warmer and your mind a bit dizzy. You still felt an annoying tingle at the pit of your stomach when you felt Harry’s eyes fixating on you when you spoke, or when your hands brushed as you reached for the bottle at the center table. It was silly, and it made you feel like a teenager being in the presence of an attractive boy for the first time.

When it all quiet down eventually, Nia had dragged Evan to her room so he could give an insight on how she could decorate it. It was something she would do now and then, give her room a big renovation so the change in the space could make her more motivated, or something like that. Sometimes, if she felt inspired enough, she would change around the living area or  even your own room - when you allowed her, of course. 

Nate was still sitting on the loveseat looking like he was about to fall asleep at any moment as he scrolled through his phone. He hadn’t spoken a lot during the night, which wasn’t unusual for him, but he still managed to chat for a bit. 

That left you and Harry alone sitting on the main couch, with one person less it left you enough space to cross your legs, making yourself more comfortable. He was sitting on his side, his back resting on the big pillows by the arm of the couch, his chest turned towards you.

You reached for the wine bottle at the center table, realizing there was just a bit left, enough for a last glass for the two of you. “Wanna help me finish it?”  You turned to him with the bottle in your hand. He had a smile resting on his lips, as he raised his glass toward you so you could pour the liquid into it. You could tell his eyes were a bit cloudy, but you knew none of you had had enough to be drunk.

“Thank you, love,” he said, the raspiness on his voice as he spoke the pet name making the hairs in the back of your neck rise. You poured yourself the rest of the wine left, emptying the bottle as you settled it back where you got it. “Should we make a toast?” 

“Sure,” you replied easily, smiling at him, “what should we toast for?”

He looked away, puckering his lips slightly as he made a puzzled expression, a hand scratching at his chin as if in deep thought. You giggled at his dramatics before he pointed his finger up, his face turning into a big smile. He raised his glass in your direction, as you did the same. “A toast for being husband and wife?”

You chuckled, clinking your glasses together, “that’s fair,” you said, “ ‘s why we’re here after all, isn’t it?” you joked, taking a sip of your drink before settling it down on your lap.

“Sure is,” he mimicked, rising his glass to his lips, a smirk still adorning them as he managed to not break eye contact. He took a small sip before settling his glass back on the table.  He scratched the tip of his nose slightly with the side of his finger, before he relaxed back on the couch. “So” he spoke up, bringing your attention to him, “E told me you’re an actual actress,” he raised his eyebrows at you, “made me a bit nervous, love.”

“That right there is a lie,” you chuckled, biting your lip and shaking your head. “I used to do theatre back in the day, haven’t done any acting for years though.”

“A theatre kid, huh?” He laughed as you rolled your eyes jokingly.

“I’m aware we have a poor reputation, yes,” you said,  “I reckon we deserve it, but we weren’t that bad, I promise.”

He giggled, making your heart skip a beat at the sound. His smile was something you could easily get used to, the way it formed crinkles in his eyes and the dimples deep on his cheeks. You had to stop yourself for staring too much, moving your gaze to the glass on your lap.

“People are too harsh on theatre kids,” he reassured, “I think it seems pretty fun — only time I did it was when I played Elvis when I was about five, I think.” He added, resting his arm against the couch, his hand just a few inches away from your shoulders. “Had the time o’my life though.”

“You got main character though, that’s impressive,” you expressed, raising a hand to poke at his side playfully. “Have you done anything since your big debut as the king?”

“Can’t say I have, no,” he chuckled, “guess this is my big comeback, maybe I’ll get a call from broadway soon.”

“I’m sure you will!” You giggled, taking another sip from the glass in your hand.

You found it easy to dive into a conversation with him. You were both giggly from the wine, but it still seemed like you could stay like this for hours on end,  just talking to each other. 

He told you he wasn’t planning on doing the film, considering he never really thought about acting. But when Evan asked him if he could be part of it, he saw how desperate he was to fill the role, so he agreed. It warmed your heart to hear how fondly he spoke about his friend, telling you how willing he was to help, even if it involved doing something out of his comfort zone.

You two bounded over your mutual wish to become teachers. You found out he was studying Literature, a choice that for him as an easy one, considering throughout his life he had always been an avid reader. He said no matter how harsh thing got, he always found an escape between books, you could tell how passionate he was about it as he spoke about his favorite reads.

Eventually, you could hear voices coming closer from Nia’s room, as they seemed to be gushing about the filming that was starting soon. 

As Evan came into the room, he made his way to the couch, placing his hand on Harry’s shoulders. “Honey, as much as I wish we could stay here ‘til dawn, I’m afraid we must get going.”

With his declaration, everyone moved around to gather the dishes splattered across the center table to put it all at the kitchen counter. After some insisting -mostly on Harry’s part- on helping with cleaning, you convinced them you two could handle the task just fine. And they were the guests, after all.

Finally, you said your goodbyes, pulling Evan on a small hug, assuring him you’d do your best to do his script justice.

And as you came to face Harry, he leaned into a hug, giving you a last kiss on the cheek, before telling you how lovely it had been to meet you.

**

You had woken up with your door opening abruptly, making you jump a bit from the sudden change in the peaceful atmosphere from your deep slumber. Before you could process the situation in hand, Nia was already pulling out the covers and spitting out words at a faster pace than you could comprehend in your mind state.

“Get up already! We are very late,” She urged as you lazily scratched at your eyes before sitting up to look at her. “Evan is going to kill us!” She cried out.

Your head pounded slightly, making you search for your water bottle previously prompted by yourself the night before, knowing you would need it in the morning. You reached for it in your nightstand, taking big gulps as you watched amusingly Nia run around your room picking random clothes and throwing it in a duffel bag you had just noticed.

Resting the bottle down on your lap, you yawned lightly, still in the process of waking up. “Calm down Ni,” you mumbled, “We still have time, we’re only leaving at like, two.”

She looked back at you as if you had just slapped her across the face, your shirt falling partly from her hand. “It’s already one,” she informed, making your eyes bulge as you reached to check on your phone, confirming as it read 1:16pm. “We don’t even have our bags packed AND we got a sink full of dishes to wash.”

The minutes after that were rushed, as you two did your best to get ready as fast as possible. Mentally slapping yourself for leaving everything for the last minute, but still managing to pack your bag in record speed.

But as time passed and the list of things to do was still far from over, Nia phoned Evan and let him know you would need a few more hours to be ready to leave. To say he wasn’t the happiest about the news was an understanding, but there wasn’t much he could do about it.

A couple hours later you were finally packed, and after a quick stop to shop for road trip snacks you were off on the road. 

You left much later than planned, and even if it wasn’t that much of a long drive, it was still 3 hours until you got there. The ride itself was mostly quiet, except from Lorde’s Melodrama playing softly in the background. You hummed along to the words, but apart from that there wasn’t a lot of talking between the two of you, all due to the limited amount of sleep you got from the previous night.

As you got closer, the scenery of open grass camps and blooming flowers at the peak of spring was a peaceful change of scene from the busy city streets you were used to. And when you finally got to the house, the sun was almost setting on the horizon. The sky being a satisfying mixture of blue and orange. There was a car already parked in, and as you got closer, you could see two figures sitting on the front stairs. 

Getting out of the car, you quickly made your way to where they stood. “Have you been waiting long?” Nia asked as you got closer to them. 

“Longer than I was planning to, I’ll say that,” Evan replied, taking off his sunglasses to greet you.

Harry came up from behind him, looking incredibly cozy wearing a knitted cream sweater. It took everything in you not to nuzzle on him as he met you with a quick embrace. You had to focus on keeping your breathing steady as you looked up at him when you parted. The sun coming from behind you doing wonders as it hit his face perfectly. His eyes were the prettiest shade of green as he smiled down at you before moving to greet  Nia.

“We’ve been here fo’ ten minutes, don’t listen to him,” he assured with a small laugh.

The house itself was much bigger than you expected, it wasn’t huge, by any means, but you had pictured a small cottage with barely any space for the four of you. The place, however, was big enough for you to have your privacy but still small enough to feel cozy and welcoming. 

You quickly found there were three rooms, and despite you arguing you didn’t mind sharing one with Nia, considering you two lived together, she still insisted that you and Harry had your own bedrooms. It was her way of thanking you for agreeing to help them.

After you got established in your respective room, you met everyone down at the kitchen. The place was loud with chatter as they played around while making dinner. Nia seemed to boss the boys around to cut the vegetables properly, as she concentrated on figuring out how to work the old stove. They laughed lightly as she cussed under her breath in frustration after another failed attempt. You watched quietly for a moment, before joining in to help her.

You finally turned the stove on with the help of a few matches you found laying on the counter, being able to cook with no more trouble. It was already getting late when you finished eating and gathered the dishes to lay them on the sink. Still, Nia insisted on watching one of the movies she had carefully selected on her extended collections of DvDs to bring with her. 

You decided to make yourself some tea while the rest of them moved around to arrange themselves for the movie night. After offering if anyone else wanted a cup as well, you were met with Harry’s warm smile as he accepted shyly.

Soon enough everyone settled down on the big couch to watch the movie. Evan took his place on one of the armchairs, while Harry opted to sit by the end of the couch, setting his legs on the footrest in front of him. As you walked in with your mugs, he gazed up at you, shooting a soft smile and muttering a quick ‘thank you’ as you handed him his drink.

He patted the spot next to him, indicating for you to sit, to which you happily obliged. 

“Wanna share?” he asked, holding up a blanket that lied at the arm of the couch. “There’s jus’ three of ‘em.”

“Sure,” you replied, moving to pull the blanket, so it was covering the two of you. You knew very well you could always get an extra one from one of the bedrooms, but you would never bring yourself to suggest it.

Finally, Nia entered the room with a small pack of m&m’s on one of her hands and the DvD case for ‘Love Actually’ on the other. She was quick to insert it on the player before settling down next to you. Pulling out the leftover blanket for herself, she lied down to rest her head comfortably on top of your legs.

It didn’t take long until she fell in deep slumber, cuddling up on your lap as soft snores left her lips. You pouted slightly down at her. The poor thing was exhausted from driving all the way, and the bad night of sleep the day before.

As the movie progressed, you could feel your eyelids getting heavier as well, the words coming from Keira Knightley’s mouth becoming more of a background noise as you fought to keep yourself awake. But before you could doze off, you felt Harry shifting slightly next to you. Suddenly feeling his arm hugging your shoulders, as he gently pulled you closer.

You moved your head to look at him but before you could say anything he shushed you softly and pulled you back in. “ ‘S fine, love,” he whispered, “can see that you’re tired.”

And with a half-woken mind and heavy eyelids you laid back on his shoulder and allowed yourself to snooze.

You woke up with him shifting again from under you, opening your eyes slowly to find the end credits rolling up the screen in front of you. You yawned lightly before sitting up, being careful not to wake a still-very-much-asleep Nia on your lap.

“Sorry,” you heard Harry say as you scratched at your eyes, “didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine,” you assured, your voice a bit raspy from your nap, “would have to happen, eventually.” You looked down at the unconscious girl lying on you, knowing you had to get her to bed so she could sleep properly. “We should wake her.”

“Want me to carry her to her room?” he asked.

“I think she’ll be okay,” you replied, gently calling her name so she could slowly wake up.

Surely, it didn’t take a lot of coaxing to get her eyelid to flutter open, as she lazily rose from her sleep.

You helped her to her room, afraid she’d trip down the stair in her hazy state of mind, still half asleep as she dragged her feet across the floor. 

As soon as she laid down in her bed, you made your way back to the kitchen to fix yourself a glass of water so you could go to sleep. 

It surprised you to find Harry still awake as you entered the space; he looked up at you from his position leaning on the counter with his phone in his hand. Quickly placing it in his back pocket as he saw you coming in, giving you a slight smile. “Thought you’d gone to bed.”

You reached for the cabinet Nia had pointed you to earlier where the cups were placed, picking one with little thought and closing it. “Just came here for a glass of water,” you spoke, moving the cup under the tap, “always have one next to my bed, y’know, in case I get thirsty and stuff.” You shook your head slightly, not wanting to ramble about the benefits of staying hydrated during the night just to make a conversation.

“Smart girl,” he joked, causing you to chuckle as you felt blush creeping out on your cheeks. You could see him coming closer to stand next to you from the corner of your eye, which didn’t help the tingly feeling forming at the pit of your stomach. “Excited fo’ tomorrow?” he asked, crossing his arms on top of the counter as he leaned next to you.

“Guess I am,” you answered, looking up at him and finding he was closer than you had realized. You smiled nervously as you met his eyes gazing down at you, before clearing your throat lightly. “What about you?”

“To be honest ‘m a bit nervous, love,” he confessed.

“Why’s that?” 

“I mean,” he started, his eyes still fixed on you, “ ‘s not every day I get to pretend ‘m married to a pretty girl like you.”

You could feel your heart skip a beat as he reached one of his hands to move a strand of your hair behind your ear. He kept his hand on your cheek just as his eyes seemed to gaze down at your lips, so subtly that it felt like you might’ve imagined it. 

The silence in the room was loud as you could almost hear your heartbeat pounding in your ears, as he leaned down just barely, getting closer to you. He looked down one more time at your lips, this time making sure you realized the unspoken question behind that action. You suddenly felt water pouring through your fingers, as the forgotten cup in your hand overflowed. This caused you to jump back a bit, quickly turning the tap off and resting the glass on the counter. 

“Oh my god,” you squeak, reaching out for a towel right next to the sink to dry your hand. “I’m sorry, that was-” you chuckled, glancing at Harry who seemed to watch you with an amused expression. “That was awkward, sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” He assured, picking the full glass and moving it in the counter so it was out of your reach. “ ‘t was actually quite cute,” he moved closer to you again, reaching his hand to hold at your jawline. 

You held back your breath as you felt his own hitting the top of your upper lip, your noses brushing slightly. 

“Been wanting to do this fo’ a bit now, love,” he spoke a bit above a whisper, his deep voice sending chills down your spine and making you grab at his sweater, ”would you let me?” his thumb caressed your cheek lovingly, “would you let me kiss you?”

You could feel your heart beating strongly against your rib cages, swallowing hard as you looked up at him. He was watching you closely, his dark emerald irises gazing down at you as your lips barely brushed. You nodded at him, trying to pull him closer.

“Use your words, darling,” he insisted, not budging from his position. “Wanna hear you say it.”

“Please, Harry I-” you moved your hand to grasp on his waist, “just —kiss me.”

Giving a satisfied hum, he finally leaned down, closing the space between the two of you. His hand remained stroking your cheek softly, as the other sneaked under your neck.

He moved his lips ever so slightly, his cupid bow founding its way above your inner lip, sucking on it gently. The kiss was teasingly slow, making you hyper aware of all of your senses. Your hands feeling the soft fabric of his sweater, grabbing at it as if asking for more. 

He moved the hand on your neck, pulling gently at your hair, making you angle your head up a bit. As his tongue poked to lick at your bottom lip, you opened your mouth, deepening the kiss.

You stayed like this for a while, pressed against the kitchen wall as you enjoyed the taste of each other. 

When you pulled back, he splattered a few kisses along your cheek, giving one last peck on your mouth before pulling back.

“As much as I don’t want to end this now,” he muttered, moving his hand, so they were both holding your cheeks, “We should get some sleep fo’ tomorrow.” 

“We should,” you agreed.

“We’ll get the chance to do this again,” he said, making you bite down a smile at the innuendo behind his words.

He gave you one last kiss before pulling away completely, reaching for the glass of water you had already forgotten about on the counter and handing it to you. 

You walked back to your rooms without saying a word, but still sharing glances and smiles along the way. And as you got to your respective rooms, you whispered quiet good nights before parting ways and closing the door behind you.

**

The days that followed were rushed, considering the filming had officially started. You two barely had the chance to be alone again, which was disappointing. But still you couldn’t find yourself time to miss the feel of having his soft lips against yours, considering the scenes you had with each other. What you did miss was being able to kiss him without it being written in a piece of paper, or having someone from outside tell you to. You missed the intimacy of feeling his tongue meet your own and having his hands pulling you close as you both craved for more. You missed the shared secret between just the two of you, that was knowing how it felt to have him all to yourself.

It was discomforting, earning for someone you barely even know. Jumping into a feeling you know there’s no way can end well. You both were playing characters. Lovers, yes, but it was all pretend. It didn’t help that he was so good at it. In front of the cameras he would be so loving that you often wondered how much of it was just part of the act. 

It was subtle things that made you think of it, like a glance across the room between takes. Him leaning close to you every time they called you to watch back something you had just recorded. Or when he sucked in your lip during a scene, so softly you could barely notice but still made your heart skip a beat.

But as much as it was nice to pretend that you two had some shared secret, you knew that the most likely scenario was that he was just doing his work and being friendly. So you tried your best to convince yourself that all of it was just your mind playing tricks, this way you could prevent yourself from inevitably getting hurt. That encounter in the kitchen was most likely his way of making things less awkward to when you inevitably would have to do it in front of a camera. That was it, nothing more. 

It seemed to have worked pretty well, you two had the chemistry Evan hoped for when he wrote his script. Nia kept teasing you with every given opportunity. You didn’t tell her about the late night kitchen situation, but you knew she could sense the ‘chemistry’ was not simply because you two were just that good at acting. No one was complaining though, considering everything was going so smoothly they suspected it could be wrapped up even earlier than expected.

Every time they would mention the possibility, you found yourself wishing deep down something would set you back on the schedule. You felt bad for it, and you never voice your inner thoughts, but you knew wrapping up early meant going home early, and you were getting a bit too comfortable getting to act all loved up on camera.

As if some kind of outer force had listened to your wishes, just as you were halfway throughout the week, mother nature seemed to be your biggest ally.

You had just woken up with the annoying tune of your alarm clock, one you had chosen for finding it soothing at first. But you soon found that those sounds are not meant to feel soothing at all, as it woke you from your deep slumber. You were quick to turn it off before rubbing your eyes softly and enjoying the warmth of your bed for a few more minutes. You could hear the gentle sounds of raindrops hitting your window, but barely paid any attention to it as you rose lazily, stretching your arms above your head.

Making your way down the stairs you first noticed Evan standing by the big window in the living room, looking out with a hand resting on his hip and the other one holding a mug. Behind him, in one of the armchairs, sat Harry, also drinking out of a mug as he read a book quietly. But as if he felt your presence as you got to the bottom of the staircase, he looked up, smiling at you as you made your way into the room.

“G’morning,” he spoke, alerting the man by the window of your presence as he turned around to look at you.

“Good morning,” you said back, before realizing the worried expression on Evan’s face, “is everything okay?”

“A disaster just happened, honey, look out the windows!”  he snapped, gesturing behind him where you could see the rain hitting the glass. The sky was dark with clouds, suggesting it was just the beginning of the storm that was to come. You looked back with a puzzled expression, knowing the weather was not the best, but as far as you remembered you had already shot all the scenes you needed outside. Evan rolled his eyes, “our natural light is gone, honey, it’s too dark to shoot!” he barked.

“Hey, no need to yell at her like tha’,” Harry looked back at his friend, attempting to calm him down, “ ‘s fine, we were early on schedule anyway, one day is not gonna delay it.”

He shot a look at Harry, his hand finding its way back on his waist as he let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry, this is just incredibly frustrating.”

You smiled at him to assure it was fine, knowing how much stress he was putting on because of this project. “Doesn’t Nia have one of those light things you were using the other day to make the scene brighter?” You suggested.

Evan sighed, “that’s a reflector, it just— well, reflects the light, we would need the sun for it to work, and seems like she’s not showing her face anytime soon,” he weightened his shoulders down, clearly feeling defeated. “I guess today is our off day — we should use it to pray for sunlight tomorrow, otherwise I’m pulling my hair off.”

When Nia woke up, you could tell she was not happy at all with the news that filming had to be cancelled for the time being. She spent the whole breakfast whining and crying about the poor weather. You tried your best to console her, but knowing your friend you knew her dramatics showed off when she worried about something. She tended to overthink every scenario that could go wrong, which did nothing to help the pressure she put on herself.

The day went on as eventless as it possibly could, the rain outside just seeming to get angrier as time passed by. You did your best to distract Nia from her own head, asking her about the recent documentaries she had watched, knowing she could go on tangents for hours. You talked about crime shows you have started before filming and shared different theories you had on them. You even listened to her deep analysis of trashy reality shows she loved to watch and always tried to drag you to get into it.

You talked and talked with no end, considering there wasn’t much else to do. Nia’s aunt hated computers and refused to install any kind of wifi, leaving you with a shitty connection that barely loaded a five-minute video.

As the evening came by, and the raindrops still hit angrily at the windows, you decided to watch another movie — this time it was Evan’s choice of Freaky Friday. 

You volunteered to grab the blankets from the cabinets on the second floor, while Nia excitedly announced she would make popcorn for everyone.

Quickly moving along the hallway, you made your way in front of the doors and opened them. You could hear footsteps coming up the stairs as you tiptoed to  reach the top shelf where the soft blanket you had used the first night lied on top of. 

“Need help?” You heard a voice approach, looking over your shoulder to find Harry walking towards you with an amused expression on his face. You nodded, chuckling as you quickly stepped out of the way to allow him to take your place. He reached up, easily retrieving the blanket and giving it to you.

“Thank you,” you muttered, looking up at him for a moment.

“No problem, darlin’,” he said, fetching two other blankets  before closing one door with a swing of his hip. You closed the other one with a small giggle. You started to quietly move along towards the staircase when he cleared his throat, causing you to look up at him. He kept his gaze down before speaking softly, “After the movie, think I’ll go back to my room a bit early,”  he looked at you for a moment, “ ‘f you want to join me.”

You stopped walking to look at him arching your eyebrows surprised, not expecting this kind of proposal at this moment. He stopped a step ahead of you, staring back with nervous eyes and shooting you a shy smile. “I’m not saying we have to do anything, I just-” he spluttered, “just wanted to be with you, without the camera and stuff.”

You smiled at him, “of course,” you voiced, “sounds nice.”

Shortly, you found yourself in the same position as the first day. Sharing a blanket with Harry, but this time Nia was wide awake next to you with a bucket of popcorn plopped on her lap. Some people would consider her to be the worst kind of person to watch movies with, considering she would always get too excited and comment on every scene she could. You had gotten so used to it with time, that it felt weird watching a movie without her voice interrupting a scene every five minutes.

It got hard to concentrate on this one in particular, and not because of Nia’s speaking over the lines, but the sudden feeling of Harry’s hand resting on your knee halfway through it. Your legs were crossed on top of the couch, making part of it rest slightly on top of his as he eased his thumb over your skin.

As time passed, he moved his hand up a bit, finding its final place on your inner thigh, causing goosebumps to arise on the back of your neck as he caressed it softly. You caught yourself holding your breath multiple times, something he was also probably aware of, considering the position of his arm on the side of your chest. 

The tension between you two was almost palpable as the end credits rolled up. At that point you had prompted yourself to lean your head on his shoulders. He grasped your skin slightly before removing his hand and motioning his position to get up, making you pull back from him.

“‘m going back to my room now,” he announced as he got up, shooting you a knowing look, “g’night.”

You stayed back for a few minutes so as not to look too suspicious, folding up the blanket you had used and scrolling through your phone for a bit. Not long after you excused yourself, climbing the stairs two steps at a time.

You found him in the hallway, leaning in on the wall right next to his door as he looked down on his phone. As he felt your presence he gazed up, grinning softly before bringing his finger above his lips as to warn you to stay quiet.

The two rushed inside his room, trying to be as quiet as possible, considering your friends downstairs could come up at any second. He closed the door behind him, looking right at you as he leaned back. His room was similar to yours, the difference being a few more clothes lying on top of the small couch standing at the corner. The curtains hanging on the big windows were pushed open, allowing the moonlight from the now-clear sky to illuminate the place. 

Your breath got caught in your throat as you stared back at him, meeting his dark irises. He started stepping closer to you until he could lean his forehead against yours. His hands found their way caressing your jawline, one of them going as far as to pulling lightly on the hair above your neck. You held your breath, gazing up at him as you waited for his next move.

He smiled lazily, brushing his nose against your softly before placing a peck to the corner of your lips. He was teasing you, his hand leaving your hair to find its way down your body, paying special attention to the side of your breast before placing itself holding your waist.

You swallowed dryly, feeling your heart speed up as you pulled him closer, wanting desperately to close the space between the two of you. Too scared that your voice would give out your desperation, you moved one of your hands to the back of his neck and pulled him in. He didn’t think twice before finally closing the space and allowing you to feel his lips against yours.

The kiss started slow, both of you still trying to figure it out how it was to taste each other like this. His lips were soft, moving teasingly as he sucked on your bottom lip. Your hand pulled his hair gently, causing him to whine into mouth, licking at your tongue as he deepened the kiss. The hand on your waist moved up, caressing the side of your breast softly as he tried to pull you in as close as possible.

He started easing you backwards, considering neither of you were willing to break the kiss to watch where you were going. You felt the mattress of his bed hitting the back of your knees. You allowed him to lay you into the bed, parting for a moment so you could move upwards, laying your head on the pillows. Shortly enough he joined you, placing his elbows on both sides of your head, not wasting any time before closing the space between your mouths again.

The two of you stayed like this for a while. Slowly kissing each other, as your arm found its way back behind his neck and one of his hand caressed your cheek. You could get used to this, with him being the only thing you could sense. His taste. His touch. His scent. 

He was all you could think about.

When you finally pulled back, you could see his red, puffy lips even with the limited amount of lighting going into the room. 

He looked into your eyes for a moment, “you look so pretty like this, darling,” he murmured, his voice just above a whisper, sending chills down your spine. “Could eat you up.” 

A small whimper left your mouth, as he dove back in to spread kissed along your cheek and down your throat. You bit hard into your lip and swallowed back a moan as he sucked in a spot right below your jawline. You could feel him grinding his hips down on your tights, making you aware of the growing bulge inside his sweats.

You placed your hand on his shoulders, pushing him gently and disconnecting him from your neck. He pulled back, looking back at you with a puzzled look. You kept pushing him until his shoulders hit the mattress, reverting the previous position you both were in, as you stranded his waist.

Looking down at him, you wanted so badly to discover his body, to make him feel good. So you took the same position he had on you. Placing your lips against his neck and running your tongue against it, sucking in his skin. You kept doing it as your hand smoothed down his body, finding the hem of his shirt and lifting it enough so you could scratch at his love handles. He gave you a small moan, a sound so delicious to hear you that made you want to swallow him whole. 

Both his hands found their place on your waist, pressing you down so you could feel his need between your tights. You quickly pulled your head from his neck, giving him a soft peck on the lips.

“Please, love, just-” he grunted, looking up at you with pleading eyes. “Just do something, please, I-“

His hands gripped tightly on your waist as you rolled your hips against him. Neither of you could contain your moans as you repeated the movement, even fully clothed his bulge rubbed deliciously against the place you needed it the most. 

You leaned down again, this time pushing his shirt up as you made your way down his body, splattering open-mouthed kisses along his warm chest. You paid a special mind to the tattoos you met along the way, sucking spots over the wings of a butterfly inked on his stomach. As you licked along the leaves of the ferns that adorned his love handles, you felt one of his hands tangling in your hair, his hips rising slightly as he whimpered.

“A bit impatient, you are,” you spoke, feeling his belly tighten as you placed a playful bite under his belly button, causing another moan to leave his lips.

“Darlin’, please,” he whined, “Just- fuck, just need you right now.”

You decided not to tease him for too long, considering you needed it just as much as he did. Finally, you moved down once more to place a kiss above the hard on over his pants. He lifted his head, watching your every move as his hand that was placed on your hair pushed some strands away from your forehead. You wrapped your hand around the hem of his sweats, rising your eyebrows at him as you felt he wasn’t wearing any underpants. The thought of having such easy access to him making you press your thighs together, feeling your wetness already damping your underwear 

Slowly, you bit your bottom lip, keeping your gaze focused on him as you moved his sweats down, he raised his hips as to help you out. Once his cock was fully out, you stared back down at it lying proudly against his stomach. You ran your fingers gently along his length, causing him to hold his breath, his abdomen tightening once more. He was definitely bigger than anyone you had ever been with, causing your mouth to water a bit and your thighs to press together once again at the thought of fully having him.

You could feel him peering down at you as you wrapped your hands around the base and applied the smallest amount of pressure. The precum was already escaping from the tip and sliding down the tiniest bit. 

Moving your head forward you looked back at his waiting eyes, spitting on top of the head as you moved your hand up caressing it. This time he gave you an actual moan, throwing his head back at the pillows behind him. 

Looking down at him, you didn’t know where to place your lips first, wanting to bite and lick every part of his body. Finally deciding on sucking a spot on his thigh, right next to where rested an ink of a tiger head.

You kept the movement of your hand, twisting it and applying more pressure eventually as you watched him shift around under you. He raised his hips slightly as he pleaded under his breath for more, his hand firmly on top of your head as the other was thrown above his own.

You moved your thumb to run across his slit, caressing the head with a flick of your wrist as you moved your mouth to place kisses at the base. At this point he became a moaning mess, throwing his arm over his mouth as to muffle the sounds while you licked up his shaft.

“God- fuck- such a good girl,” he moaned on his arm, moving it out of the way so he could look down at you. “Doing so good, you feel so good- shit.”

Smiling at him, you jerked him off a couple of times before resting your hand at the base so you could replace it with your mouth.

You licked around his head, giving it a small kiss before you moved down as far as you could go. He cried out, tightening his grip on your hair and moving his hips up to meet your movements as you sucked on him.

He was desperate to reach his climax, and you were desperate to see him cum undone under your touch. So you started speeding up, your mouth licking at his veins, your hand helping you as you moved it along his dick. He was cursing and moaning over you, pleading for you not to stop. You kept moving your hand as you licked at his head once more before detaching so you could look up at him with pleading eyes.

“Almost there?” you asked, having him nod frantically at you, “will you let me have a taste?”

That seemed to do it for him, as he pushed your head back down, making you attach your lips to his head as you felt him shoot his load inside your mouth. You milked him as he came down from his high, feeling his softness on your lips as you swallowed down.

You sat up and looked down at his hazy eyes while he calmed down with heavy breaths. He adjusted his sweats quickly before moving himself up to pull you in for a frantic kiss. “God, darling, you’re a dream,” he spoke between kisses, his hands gripping at your waist as he positioned you to lie on top of him, moving one of them under your shirt, pulling it up slowly.

You quickly placed your hand on top of his stopping him from going further as you detached from him. He furrowed his brows at you. “I should go back to my room,” you said, “got an early day tomorrow.”

He gave you a puzzled look, “but you still haven’t- “

“it’s okay,” you interrupted, moving to get up from his bed, suddenly feeling nervous under his gaze, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Good night!”

You left his room before he could protest, wanting to slap yourself from running away like this. 

**

The next morning was thankfully much brighter than the one before, with sunlight shining through the windows at the earliest hours. You didn’t get a lot of sleep, tossing and turning around, replaying the previous night in your head. The thought of what could’ve happened if you had stayed imprinted itself in your mind. You started to overthink it. What did he even think of you? After running away like that? 

Your thoughts consumed you as you sat in of the stools in the kitchen by yourself, for the first time being the first to be awake. Your coffee running cold by the minute, as you frowned to yourself, taking a sip every so often.

It didn’t take long until you didn’t find yourself alone anymore, having Evan join you as he happily cheered about the nice weather. You nodded along to him, not really in the mood for talking as you anxiously poked at your nails.

It was when you walked towards the sink to wash your used mug that you saw Harry walking into the kitchen. His hair messy and his eyes sleepy, making you annoyed at how charming he managed to look even after just getting out of bed. 

He greeted you with a raspiness to his voice, his eyes lingering on you a moment too long as he smirked before moving to the cabinets. He stood next to you while you washed the dishes, grabbing himself a bowl while he worked on his breakfast.

Yours arms would brush every so often as you moved while doing your tasks, making you gaze at him. He kept a grin sitting on his face as he casually made a conversation with Evan, his dimple poking out the smallest bit, but still not looking back at you.

As soon as you were finished you left for your bedroom so you could get ready for the day, but not before sparing one last glance at Harry. This time his eyes were already trained on you as he chewed slowly his fruit salad. You felt your cheeks getting a bit warm from the eye contact, making you look down and leave the room with a speeding heart.

The work started early, as you ran around to keep up with the schedule after losing one day of productivity. 

Harry seemed to be in it for teasing you. His touches lingered longer than needed. His kisses were harsher, the need behind them being almost palpable. His gaze on you told you something you couldn’t really tell exactly what it was. Lust? Desire? You weren’t entirely sure, but every time you caught him watching you felt a warmth take over your face.

In one occasion, between takes, as Nia and Evan discussed the best position for the camera considering her broken tripod. You stood awkwardly waiting for their instructions as you played with the hem of your dress. You could feel him staring closely, looking up to find him with the same smirk he gave you in the morning. He looked quickly over your friends who were still trying to figure out the problem before leaning up close to you “Still haven’t let me have a taste, love,” he said quiet enough to that just you could hear, the words sending a chill down your spine and making your core twitch as you glanced back at him.

That same night, after you announced you’d tuck yourself in, just as you changed into your pajama shorts, you heard a soft knock on your door.  You opened up to see his darkened irises staring back at you as he quietly let himself in. And within a few minutes he found his place between your legs, your hand gripping tightly at his curls as you moaned into your pillow.

The  following day wasn’t much different, starting with a tight filming schedule that was coming to a close end. An exchanging of glances across the room and yearning touches with underlying motives behind them. Ending with you lurking into his room at the dark hours of the night, craving-filled touched and muffled moans.

**

The wrap up of the film was welcomed with a bittersweet feeling settling itself in the pit of your stomach. Knowing as much as you were glad everything had gone as smoothly as possible during this week, it was time to leave it all behind. 

You were nervous about how it would be with Harry after you got home. Was this the start of something that could potentially become a warm and beautiful feeling? Or was it just a lust-filled affair that would end as quickly as it had started? It made you anxious to think about it, not wanting to let go of it just yet.

Nia walked into the living room with two champagne bottles that had been brought up for this exact moment. The atmosphere was filled with chatter as everyone celebrated the end of the hard work. 

You were dressed in the fanciest clothes you had brought on your rushed-packed bag, which consisted itself in a black blouse and a loose pair of pants you stole from Nia’s wardrobe a couple weeks prior. But you once again could not compete with Evan’s sense of style, as he seemed right out of a cover with a hot pink turtleneck under a sparkly black dress that hung all the way to his feet.

But you still couldn’t keep your eyes off of him.

You watched as he laughed along at something that had been said, his eyes meeting yours for a moment before fixing on Nia as she offered to serve him the champagne she had just opened. 

He looked so good. 

Like you, he didn’t opt for a very glam look, wearing a simple graphic white tee with a rainbow printed on it, and a simple pair of checked trousers. But as plain as someone could argue it was, he still managed to look incredibly inviting, which made it harder for you not to latch yourself onto him.

You were coming into your sixth or seventh glass when it all died down. Your head was fuzzy, and you felt giggly as you cheered along with everyone about the successful week you had. Nia had already gone back to her room. She didn’t  drink as much considering she would have to drive early in the morning, wanting to leave most of the celebration for the premiere day. 

The glances stolen between you and Harry were getting more frequent, the longing in each other's eyes visible with the effect of the alcohol.

**

He had you pressed up against your bedroom door as he sucked in your bottom lip harshly. His hands gripped at your waist tightly, putting his weight against you.

You wrapped your hand around his neck as the other pulled at his shirt desperately with the need of having him close. You felt overwhelmed by him in the nicest way. Having his hips pressing against your own, making you open your tights slightly as you felt his arousal straining on his trousers.

You whimpered into his mouth at the feeling, suddenly needing him as close as possible. You could tell his desperation matched your own by the way his hand pressed on the side of your body and his mouth moved against you. His groans getting lost in your throat every time you tangled your fingers on his roots, pulling at it.

“You’re gonna kill me like this, baby,” he breathed out, his lips moving against your wanting ones, “so fuckin’beautiful.”

You tried to keep your shaky hands steady as they travelled down his chest, scratching as his tummy lightly under his shirt before you began pulling it up. He detached from you to quickly reach over his shoulders and pull it off completely.  He didn’t waste any time bringing his hand to unbutton your blouse, peppering kisses along your lips as he moved it down your shoulders, only to be met with your bare breasts underneath.

“Fuck me,” he groaned staring down at you, attaching your lips once again as he pulled you from the door as he fiddled with the zipper of your pants. You stumbled on each other's arms across the floor until you were met with the plush feeling of the bedcovers on the back of your thighs. 

You stepped out of your pants as they got loose around your waist and fell damply to the floor, allowing Harry to push you gently into the mattress. He quickly got rid of his own trousers, wasting no time before towering above you, connecting your mouths once again.

It was like no matter how close you were, it still wasn’t good enough to satisfy the craving you had. You still wanted more. Needed more. 

He was fully licking into you, his hands gripping your tights as he rolled his hips to meet yours. You moaned in unison at the feeling of your arousals meeting deliciously as he repeated the movement once more before parting your mouths so he could spread kisses along your neck.

“Harry,” you breathed out his name, dragging your nails along his back as you moved your hips up eagerly.

He moved his head from your neck o hover above yours, licking his lips teasingly as he looked down at you with dark eyes. He moved one of his hands to caress your cheek lovingly, as the other found your breast, his thumb grazing over your nipple. “Can I have a taste, baby?” he leaned his forehead against your, not breaking eye contact, “just a fo’a bit, then you can have me.”

You nodded frantically, brushing your nose against his. He gave you one last peck on the lips before moving down again to lick down at your skin. He pressed open-mouthed kisses at your chest, sucking harshly between your breasts.  His tongue moved along your belly, craving his finger into it playfully like you had done to him, making you squeal above him.

He finally settled down between your thighs, his hand gripping at them to keep it apart before moving teasingly slow to the hem of your underwear. Your breath got caught in your throat as you moved up to lean on your elbows, gazing at him, hyper-aware of his every move. 

He looked up, grinning like a devil, before moving his face down to nose gently at your mound. Pulling away, he pressed his hands on your sides, sliding your underwear off your legs as you helped him, raising your hips slightly.

You whimpered as you felt him kiss along your inner thigh, meeting your middle as licked you once. Your hips raised impatiently, making him smirk at you again before completely diving in.

You got lost in the pleasure as he licked his tongue into you, letting yourself fall back in the cushions behind your head. Your hand moved to grip at his hair tightly as he sucked in your clit, making you yelp and call out his name. His mouth was warm as his saliva mixed with your own wetness every time he licked into you.

Feeling your arousal pooling on your folds, you desperately needed to feel him as close as possible. Wanting every inch of him against you.

You pushed him from you, grabbing at his shoulder so he could move up to face you again. He didn’t protest, spattering quick kisses along the way before pressing his mouth against yours. The taste of champagne still lingering on your tongue mixed with your own taste on his as he licked into your mouth.

“y’taste so good, baby,” he groaned, parting from you as he moved to remove his briefs. The limited amount of light illuminated his face beautifully, making you able to notice the glistening of your juices down his chin. You felt your core twitch at the scene above you, desperate to have him fill you up.

“Please,” you urged him, grabbing at his hips to pull him down.

“Can I have you, darlin’?” His voice was raspy, as he looks down at you with hooded eyes, “‘d you let me?”

Your arousal blurred your mind, your grip on his waist tightened as you raised your hips impatiently, nodding along to his question.

“Have to hear you say it, love,” he spoke, leaning down to place kisses along your neck, “just say it, and you’ll have me.”

“You can have me, please, I-” you moaned desperately, babbling words without thinking, “I need you, please.”

He raised his head from your shoulders, giving you a quick peck before reaching down to guide his length between your folds. Your belly tensed as he rubbed his head against your clit, holding back your breath as he finally slid in you.

“Fuck, you’re wet,” he choked, pushing his hips all the way, allowing you to feel every inch of him fill you up. You breathed out a moan, reaching your hand on his back. “‘s this all fo’ me?”

You whined out a ‘yes’, rolling your hips as a way of urging him to move. 

His movements began slow, his cock rubbing heavenly against your walls, making you clench around him. You both moaned and whimpered as your lips brushed.

“Can feel me deep?” He asked, resting his forehead against yours as he pushed his dick all the way in. You nodded, yearning for him to start moving again. “Can feel me in y’belly?”

“H, please,” you begged, gripping your nails on his shoulder blades.”Want you.”

“y’have me,” he kissed you hard before moving again, rolling his hips as he picked up the pace.

 The air around you was hot as you threw your head back with the delicious feeling of him hitting the spot inside of you. He was addicting. The salty taste of his skin. The touch of his hands gripping on your sides. The smell of his cologne faintly mixed with sweat. The sound of his skin meeting yours. It made you earn for him in every possible way. 

You felt your wetness dripping out of you as he pulled your leg up to your chest, allowing him to effectively hit deeper spots. The new position made a cramp start to creep up on your thight, but you ignored it to focus on the way his hips met yours.

Time seemed to pass like a blur as you pleasured each other, but soon enough you felt your orgasm building up. His thrusts became more frequent and smooth as he felt you clench more around him.

“that’s it, baby - fuck,” he grunted, moving his hand down to flicker your clit, causing to arch your back, moaning loudly. “Wanna feel you come for me.”

His cross necklace dangled over you as he watched you closely. You kept your gaze locked on his as you felt the feeling deep in your tummy take over your entire body. A moan got stuck in your throat as you opened your mouth to an ‘O’ shape, digging your nails further on his shoulders as you reached your high.

**

Getting home, you soon realized that throughout the week you had been so lost in your feelings with Harry that you didn’t even think of asking him for his phone number. 

The month that followed passed by surprisingly quickly. During the first week you were swiftly thrown back again into your old reality of course essays and textbooks. You hadn’t heard a word from Harry, and the most frustrating part is that he seemed to have settled his place inside your thoughts. You tried asking about him to Nia once or twice again, but every time she seemed to come up with vague answers and change the subject, so you figured she had other things to worry about. 

It was a disappointing end, to say the least. Even knowing from the start that being let down was the most possible outcome, it didn’t hurt any less. You often wondered if it had been something you’d done that made him pull away, or if he just wasn’t in it from the start.

By the second week you had gotten a job at a tiny local cafe you used to go after class to study and eat cinnamon rolls. That’s when time starting to rush by, as you found yourself busy through most of your day. Nia was working more than you’ve ever seen her. You two barely talked as she spent most of her time with Evan or inside her room editing. And as the week at the camp house got further away, it started to almost seem like you had imagined all of it. 

Having a lot of distractions helped, but you never seemed to push the thought of a certain curly-haired boy completely away. Sometimes during a tedious lesson you would daydream about the feeling of his lips against yours. Or right before you fell asleep you would think about the taste of his skin, how strong his hand were gripping on your thighs. Maybe even at work. When there wasn’t a lot of movement, you could almost hear the sound of his voice.

It was aggravating, the effect he left on you. It got to a point where you got angry; sometimes at him but sometimes at yourself. He was the one who had gone after you, and yet he was the one who disappeared. But again, he didn’t really owe you anything, and that’s what’s frustrating. You were the one who allowed him; you knew from the start that you would get hurt but you still went for it, anyway.

As you got closer to the premiere night that was planned, you started to get anxious. You would catch yourself daydreaming more often, not being as focused as you were. You even started picking your nails again, which is a habit you thought you’d kick it a long time ago. But truth to be told, you were nervous.

The thought about seeing him again made your heart race. You wished that you could somehow find a way not to go. Maybe ask Nia if the two of you could have a private viewing. You had even thought about bribing her with making your mom’s brownie recipe. But you already knew the answer before you even suggested it. This was an important night for her, and you would be there to support it.

You were overthinking this. Was it going to be awkward when you met him? How would you even greet him? Would he kiss you? Would he ignore you? Should you ignore him? All the scenarios in your head made you want to throw up and run away.

**

When the two of you finally arrived, you were greeted by a cheerful Evan, who jokingly teased you for being late. As you got into his house, you found a bigger group than you expected. It seemed like you and Nia were the last ones to arrive, as there was around ten other people in there. Some of them you recognized from being Nia’s friends, others you had never seen, but none was the one you earned to see the most.

Evan guided you across the living room area, “I’ll show you the kitchen so you two can get some drinks,”  He held up his glass as he spoke. Gesturing to the entrance of the room, “We’ll start everything in around ten minutes, so get ready.”

As you entered the kitchen behind Nia, you could feel her stiffen her posture a bit, before looking back at you. You frowned lightly at her, confused by her behaviour, gazing inside the room and finding immediately a pair of green eyes already watching you. It made you think back to the first time you were in this exact position, except in your own kitchen. This time, however, he was the one to approach you.

He looked really good, which did nothing to help the butterflies flying relentlessly in your stomach. He was in all black, a buttoned up shirt with a few buttons open, exposing a bit of the skin on his chest where a silver necklace laid upon. You swallowed dryly at the sight of his hand running swiftly through his hair, with a ring hugging each one of his fingers. 

As he got close, he greeted Nia first, giving her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, before turning his attention back to you. He shot you a shy smile, before embracing you into a hug. You didn’t really know if it was your mind playing tricks but you felt him a bit hesitant as he greeted you and placed a kiss on your cheek. Pulling away, he cleared his throat, running his hand again through his hair, he almost seemed… nervous?

“‘S nice seeing you again,” he mumbled, “this uhm… ‘s my girlfriend, Jess.”

You could felt your heart drop with his words as you finally noticed a smiley girl coming to his side. 

She wasn’t much taller than you, her red hair pulled back in a perfect ponytail. She matched him with a small black dress that annoyingly hugged her body in all the right ways. You could barely register her greeting you, as you tried your best to keep a straight face to hide the shock that took over your body. You felt a heaviness at the pit of your stomach, a feeling so distressful that made you want to scream as an attempt to make it go away.

You didn’t pay a lot of attention as Nia made a conversation with the girl, knowing that’s what she did best. You kept your gaze directed to Harry, your eyes asking a million questions - you didn’t even think you wanted to know the answers to. But he kept his eyes locked on the floor, eventually looking up at the girl in his arms as she seemed to mention him. But never meeting your own.  Her hand was caressing his chest lovingly while his found their way on her waist, keeping her close.

“I think I’ll get something to drink,” you announced, realizing you might’ve interrupted the conversation as they stopped talking. You turned to Nia, “do you want something?”

She looked back at you with sorry eyes, “I should go with you,” she quickly turned back to the girl, “It was lovely meeting you, Jess.”

“Oh! Sure,” she smiled brightly at you two, her hand moving to rest on Harry’s chest, “we should go get our seats as well, right, babe?” 

You left the scene as quickly as you could, not wanting to hear any more of it. Looking at all the drink options on top of the counter, you tried to think which one could get you drunk enough to stop feeling hurt over someone you spent just a week with, but still sober enough so that you could pretend everything was fine. Before you realized, Nia was standing next to you, getting two plastic pink cups before she stared at you with guilty-filled eyes.

“I should’ve just told you about it,” she sighed, “I didn’t want to make you sad, but looking back it was probably best if you already knew.”

You turned your head to look at her, “so you knew it all along?” You swallowed the lump in your throat as you felt it close once again.

“Evan told me like a few days after we got back!” She rushed, “I don’t know if they were together while we were filming.”

You took a deep breath, knowing Nia was probably blaming herself for putting you into this situation. But you knew it wasn’t her fault, she would never purposely put you in this position if she knew about it before.

“You know what, it’s fine,” you tried your best to cover up the hurt and gave her a weak smile, “it’s not your fault Ni. It’s okay. I’m fine.”

She pulled you into a tight hug, “I’m sorry, bubba,” she said, “let’s get you something to drink so you can enjoy this party like the star you are!”

The two of you decided on the vodka mixed with watermelon juice, something you had never even thought of trying before but seemed to be ideal to handle the situation you found yourself in. You walked back to the living area, where people were already beginning to settle on the chairs. 

Following Nia, you prompted yourself on a seat at the edge closest to the door, opposite to where Harry sat with the girl. His girl. You thought bitterly, taking a big sip from your cup and cringing at the strong taste.

There was a speech you didn’t pay much attention to before they started the film, only giving a slight smile when you realized the mention of your name. 

Before you knew it, the lights were out and your face took over the screen. 

It was harder than you thought it would be.  Looking up at the scenes you had with Harry, knowing everything that happened behind the cameras. Knowing every touch and every kiss felt more than just playing a character. You knew the actual feeling of having him to yourself. But now staring at it right in front of you, it just left a sour taste in your mouth. 

You finished your drink barely ten minutes into the film, the feeling of your chest aching starting to become overwhelming as you watched your shared kiss on the big screen. You could feel your throat close once more, your eyes watering a bit.

“I’m gonna get some air,” you whispered to Nia sitting next to you, who gave you a sympathetic smile as you got up. You glimpsed quickly to Harry who had his eyes trained on you, the girl next to him leaning to whisper something in his ear.

You could feel the tears falling down stubbornly as you left the room. Standing in the hallway, you made the decision to turn to the front door instead of the back, not wanting to face anyone with reddish eyes.

You left the house, picking your phone with shaky hands as you managed to call a ride home, sighing in relief as your screen told you it was just about three minutes away.

You heard the door open behind you as stood on the sidewalk hugging yourself to get some warmth on the chilly night. You tried your best to swallow back your tears as you turned around, expecting to find Nia looking at you with pitiful eyes. 

To your surprise, the person standing there was Harry, looking like a deer caught in the headlights as he took in your tearful eyes. He spoke your name in a soft voice, causing you to look away.

“Don’t-” you interrupted, raising your hand at him, “I don’t wanna hear it.”

He frowned at you, not wanting to upset you more. “I’m sorry,” he hesitated, taking a step forward.

Your phone buzzed in your hand, as you watched your ride pulling in front of you. You looked back at him, “I’m sorry too,” you said before moving to enter the car. 

You spared him one last glance through the window as the driver pulled away.

[shinjaeha]

ipytm ep 2 (thoughts + spoilers)

i’ve been trying my hardest to forget about iptym during the week so the countdown to each new ep won’t feel as long, but i don’t think i’ve succeeded. with each new ep i feel more and more nervous and excited bc i know the conflict and angst is only going to keep ramping up as the series goes on (and this ep was a good indication of that...not FULL BLOWN angst yet, but the undercurrent of angst is slowly starting to come to the surface). i’m def more prepared for it than i was during itsay, but that doesn’t make it easy ;;;

the standard ‘this is not a proper analysis’ here...i’m completely aware that this post in particular is really messy, but i just had a lot of mixed feelings and thoughts with this ep. one day i will learn how to condense my thoughts better, but today is not that day so i’m doing this under a read more for once bc it’s embarrassingly long 😂

we start off with teh in acting class where his teacher is explaining how you need to be able to understand yourself before you’re able to understand other people (and therefore put yourself in the shoes of the character you’re playing)...which even before i knew where this ep was going to go felt a lot like foreshadowing for the events that were going to unfold in this ep.

the acting exercises are basically a lot like the ones that we see bkpp (and the rest of the cast) having to do as part of their workshops in the documentary eps, so it’s kind of cool to see them incorporate parts of that into the actual show itself. feels more authentic since, if you’ve watched the documentary eps, you know that this is actually what the actors have to go through when they’re learning to let themselves go and get into character.

so through this montage of all of teh’s classes, we get to see how much he’s enjoying learning more and more about his major. it’s truly his passion, and he’s finally in his element. and it’s great that he’s surrounded by so many seniors that are also as driven and passionate about performing as he is...i find it interesting how teh, even from the start, has always been most attracted to people that have the same sense of ambitiousness as he does. in itsay, his best friend (aside from oh-aew obv) was tarn, who had a very similar mindset as him. so here, it’s not really that much of a surprise that all his uni friends are basically the drama club seniors that he sees as role models. oh-aew is kind of that one outlier bc he doesn’t fit that same mould/personality type that teh tends to surround himself with, which is where you can already start to see the discord between them arising. in itsay, bc oh-aew was working towards the same end goal as teh at the time, it wasn’t as much of a conflict. but in ipytm we can see that their paths are starting to diverge more and more. that being said, oh-aew’s someone that teh truly needs in his life bc he offers a different perspective to most of teh’s other friends, and as we can see later on, teh REALLY needs that.

now THIS was one of the interactions i was really interested in. we already knew from the ep 2 teaser that teh isn’t exactly happy with oh-aew’s new friend group, so i’ve been waiting to see how teh acts when he’s around them. everyone’s at q’s house celebrating plug’s birthday, and honestly?? they’re all really sweet and accommodating of teh (they get him sweet drinks bc teh tells them that he doesn’t drink bc it’s too bitter, and they don’t pressure him when he says he can’t drink bc he’s got morning classes). but then the conversation turns to teh and oh-aew becoming actors and earning lots of money (and how convenient that is), and teh starts to get a little riled up. i don’t think they mean anything by what they’re saying (they’re just playing around), but we know that teh's sensitive to this sort of thing, and i think to him, it’s almost like they’re saying it’s ‘easy’ to become an actor and start making bank. teh, who already knows how hard it is (esp since he’s been watching how difficult it’s been for khim in particular), starts getting defensive about it. the focus being on money hits a nerve with him too bc teh is very clearly majoring in comm arts bc it’s his dream, not bc of the money he could make from it. teh and oh-aew’s gang are just on different wavelengths, and you can really start to see how teh’s having trouble bonding with oh-aew’s gang bc of their differing mindsets.

it makes me slightly sad that you can see how worried oh-aew is about teh and his friends not meshing. it’s like we, the audience, are all feeling what oh-aew is feeling...his nervous glances at teh bc he’s afraid that teh might not like them. and the discomfort on teh’s part too. all of oh-aew friends tend to be a lot more like him, relaxed and happy to go with the flow, but we know that teh can be pretty rigid and intense about the things that he’s passionate about. oh-aew recognises this, which is why he’s as anxious as he is in the first place.

oh-aew’s tea tattoo in honour of teh is actually so sweet 😭 it shows how much teh means to him. he really got a permanent mark on his body to symbolise his love for his boyfriend ;;; but from teh’s perspective, it’s literally that first mark of change. it IS a pretty big decision, so i don’t blame teh for being shocked about it, but teh likely sees this as oh-aew’s friends being a ‘bad’ influence on him (which we know gets brought up again later). not bc of the tattoo itself, but bc of what it represents. it’s like he’s watching oh-aew start to change before his very eyes and he doesn’t know how to deal with that so he brushes it away for now.

the framing of that shot where teh and oh-aew are facing each other and then q comes to walk in between them is A LOT like how they used to frame the both of them in itsay and having bas walk in between them. interesting.

HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THE FACT THAT OH-AEW SPEAKS CHINESE WHEN HE’S DRUNK...that’s just plain adorable :’) it’s like he’s reverting back to when teh was teaching him chinese and they were first falling in love again. teh’s method of getting close to him was always tutoring oh-aew in chinese, so it’s as though oh-aew is trying to feel closer to teh again by speaking chinese to him. sort of like he’s trying to recreate that feeling all over again. i also love that this is basically the opposite of that oppo short film ad bkpp did haha.

we got the “ke yi ma” “ke yi” again ;;;;;;;; i love their little domestic moments. they’re so soft when they’re like this (i know we’re gonna have to weather the angst, but i hope we still have a lot more fluffy moments like this too pls). side note, i really love the lighting in these scenes!!

when oh-aew reads teh’s note about the kimchi jjigae and smiles but then reads the “do not skip class” and his smile fades away...oh, oh-aew, i feel u.

so now we get to see oh-aew in acting class, and the difference between oh-aew’s feelings towards class and teh’s feelings are like night and day. teh’s classes make him feel so fulfilled...this is genuinely something that he wants to do. but oh-aew is struggling. he doesn’t have that same sense of purpose as teh bc he’s starting to realise that this might not be what he really wants...he’s trying but just not enjoying it at all. when teh tells him about the casting call, i feel so much dread for him bc he’s clearly not looking forward to it whatsoever, but he knows how much this means to teh...so he’s willing to ignore his feelings for now if teh’s happy :(

is it just me or was this when oh-aew stopped carrying his ‘heart attack’ bag too??

idk this struggle in particular just feels so personal to me. i really identify with oh-aew when it comes to this bc when i was at uni i changed my major like 3-4 times (and changed unis a bunch of times on top of that) bc i had NO IDEA what i wanted to do. even now, i still have no clue what i’m doing a lot of the time. i’m glad that oh-aew at least managed to find some sort of clarity when he dropped in on his friends’ advertising class and realised that this was something that he enjoyed and was good at :’)

teh’s so excited and focussed on this audition that he can’t even see how worried and reluctant that oh-aew is about this. he wants them to have the same dream so bad that he can’t see that this might not be oh-aew’s dream anymore. but anyway, oh-aew is the sweetest, best boy as always. he’s so, so encouraging with teh. so patient. he really such a great balance to teh’s more volatile nature...but that contrast is also what makes you feel so bad for him when teh lashes out at him without thinking (as he’s prone to doing).

i LOVE khim. i just have so much respect for her. she’s always trying her hardest, and it’s painful to see her give so much of herself yet constantly be knocked down. the resilience that takes. i know that that’s part of the industry she’s in, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. there’s a lot to be said about how harsh the entertainment industry can be (and the inherent ageism/sexism/homophobia within it), which i don’t have the time to go into here, but having to hear criticism like that...purely based on your looks (you don’t look smart enough, young enough, manly enough, etc.) is so incredibly disheartening. teh commenting on how harsh it is, and khim saying that it’s super common and telling the both of them how they’re gonna have to go through all of that the more casting calls they go to...OF COURSE oh-aew is only going to feel even more dispirited about this when he’s already realising that this might not be his thing anymore.

being able to take rejection and criticism is really fucking difficult (i know i could never do it)...and seeing oh-aew being told that he’s not ‘manly’ enough/too ‘girly’ in acting class and again at the casting call is yet another knock at his confidence. the way you physically see oh-aew get more flustered and anxious as the audition goes on, when he sees the crew shaking their heads at him :((( i feel all the nervousness, anxiety and embarrassment that he’s feeling right down to my very bones. then to walk out from that audition to khim talking about how damn hard it is to keep doing this time and time again only to be continually rejected?? my poor boy :( what’s fascinating to me is how differently the both of them interpret khim’s speech. teh latches on to her words and sees them as motivation to keep going...to keep trying and persevering. like a challenge. but to oh-aew, he just sees the difficulty and rejection. the instability of this career path, and how hard this could potentially be on his family as well. they’re both hearing completely different things.

teh being so happy about his audition even though he didn’t get the part and the way he turns around to face oh-aew directly when oh-aew tells him they said he was “too girly” and how he couldn’t change his personality to be what they wanted :((( pls. i just want to hug him so bad. teh’s “i like you the way you are now” and reassurance that so many other people do too  😭i know he kind of makes a mess of himself later on, but i’m still so glad that oh-aew got to hear that from him at least.

this show is the best at making you feel all that nervousness and anxiety when any of the characters are about to drop some big news. i was waiting with bated breath when oh-aew told teh he wanted to transfer majors. it makes me sad though that oh-aew has to constantly feel like he’s walking on eggshells when it comes to teh...he’s always most worried about teh’s reaction, and that’s prob the main reason why he didn’t opt out of comm arts even earlier. but oh-aew has all these mounting doubts about his major, and there’s only so long he can stick it out for teh’s sake, and the casting call (and khim’s words) really solidified that for him.

teh’s "you haven’t given it your all”/”you haven’t done your best” rubs me the wrong way bc it’s easy to think that way when you’re set on something and know that that’s what you want to do...but when you’re doubting/not sure about something, it just isn’t the same thing. we all have different thresholds when it comes to what we can endure and how much we can put into something. teh’s a hard worker, we’ve seen how dedicated he can be when he really wants something, but not everyone works like this. not everyone can be a teh or a khim. and esp not when they’re having to give their all to something that doesn’t feel right for them. and oh-aew’s right...sometimes once is enough to know that something’s not a fit for you.

when oh-aew mentions that he sat in on advertising class and thinks he might be into it, it’s like a parallel of that scene when they’re kids and oh-aew told teh that he wanted to become an actor like him. only now it’s the opposite. teh’s had this plan in his head that he and oh-aew are going to reach their dream of becoming actors and the lead protagonists in a movie/series together for so long now that it’s hard for him to reconcile that oh-aew might no longer want this as much as he does anymore. it’s like he can see this ultimate goal of his crumbling. so just hearing that it’s bc of q and the rest of the gang’s ‘influence’ that oh-aew sat in on their advertising class in the first place (and this triggered his interest in advertising) is like strike two for teh vs. oh-aew’s friends.

i’ve def mentioned this before, but oh-aew has always been the more pragmatic of the two, whilst teh is more idealistic, so i understand why he would gravitate towards something that was more stable of a career for him. more of a guarantee. he knows that advertising/marketing suits him better (not to mention that he’s always had the resort as his safety to fall back on too), and it’s something that he’s discovering he actually enjoys more in general too.

when i first watched this, i was like “oh wow teh’s matured so much!!” bc he didn’t blow up at oh-aew during this scene...that kind of ended up backfiring on me towards the end, but at the same time, i do think there’s a certain level of growth there since he does end up trying to reassure oh-aew (even if the blow up still occurs later on). it’s a process though...and even baby steps are progress.

8 months later and teh’s walking past that same place he and oh-aew walked by during his first night in bangkok...only now the poster is no longer the same red one. it’s blue... as though it’s signifying that this is just teh’s dream alone now, and teh clearly still hasn’t come to terms with that yet.

i’m really happy seeing oh-aew in a much better place now!! it’s so good to see him happy and actually involved in uni with his friends. but watching teh struggle going through casting calls and rejections makes my heart ache. hearing khim’s experience with auditions, and actually having to experience it irl, are two entirely different things. it’s like the reality of the situation is starting to hit in for teh. and that, on top of oh-aew not being there to support him in the same way bc their goals in life aren’t similarly aligned anymore, is starting to take its toll.

god, when teh lined oh-aew and was waiting for his response i was like nooooo don’t do it DON’T DO IT only for him to open ig to check oh-aew’s story 😭(though it IS cute that they have couple pfps). but we’re regressing. and now that they have different social circles it’s even harder to connect than before. teh feels like oh-aew’s being pulled away from him, into another friend group that doesn’t include him...and his insecurities are bubbling to the surface again. teh’s always needed that reassurance that he’s ‘special’ to oh-aew. clearly, we know that he is...but even now that they’re dating, it’s still something that he questions. and esp now that oh-aew is starting to feel like he’s fading further and further away out of reach.

i love seeing all of teh’s friends encourage him. they all understand how tough it is, and to see them all pull together to lift his spirits again is so lovely. but then his mood completely changes again when oh-aew comes to join them for dinner :( teh’s doing that thing again where he says everything’s fine when everything’s not fine (cue that “they ask you how you are and you just have to say you’re fine when you’re not really fine” meme). the flash to teh’s face when top says that he didn’t pass the exam to get into anantasart, and you know he’s just thinking about how he gave up his spot for oh-aew initially, and now that oh-aew’s transferred, it’s kind of like he’s turned it down twice. oof.

when teh tells them all that oh-aew’s transferred to advertising, it’s as though this is his way of trying to separate both his worlds. like oh-aew doesn’t belong here with his drama club friends, and it’s that pettiness that we got from teh in itsay is back in full force all over again. it reminds me so much of that time oh-aew told the itsay gang that he was a virgin, and so teh told his friends at school that he was a virgin too. or when oh-aew sent him that picture of his and bas’ legs touching, so teh retaliated by putting that pic of tarn on his story and leaning in to kiss her. it’s like he always needs to one up oh-aew. he doesn’t want oh-aew to feel the same bond with his drama club friends that teh has (esp when he sees that oh-aew is so close to his uni friends). where oh-aew was anxious about teh and his uni friends not getting on, teh is anxious that oh-aew and his drama club friends will get on too well so he has to create this distinction between them. kind of like his petty attempt to be all “i have my own friends too!!”, but it’s also combined with that feeling of inadequacy that he might not fit into oh-aew’s life anymore. he might not be ‘special’. idk if that makes sense but basically i think that teh’s feeling a lot of conflicting things during this scene.

when he starts attacking oh-aew at dinner...that was really hard to watch. you ever feel like you want to reach through the screen and just put your hand over someone’s mouth so they stop talking?? it was rough :/ it’s one thing to fight when it’s just the two of you alone, but it’s another thing to tear your partner down right in front of your friends. i understand teh’s feelings (and i know that they’ve been building up over this time), but my frustration was through the ROOF during this. it’s on brand for him, but still. and then poor khim :( i know oh-aew didn’t mean it in that way but the awkwardness of this entire dinner was just overwhelming.

another thing that’s sad about what teh said about oh-aew is that this is a huge sore spot for oh-aew, and it’s always been one of his biggest insecurities. the reason they stopped being friends when they were kids was bc teh said that he was going to quit eventually, so for teh to talk about how “shilly shally and indecisive” he is/how easily he ‘quits’ at things is a low blow when he already knows how much those words hurt oh-aew.

teh has a habit of jumping to conclusions based on oh-aew’s social media posts instead of actually talking things out with oh-aew so naturally it would make an appearance again here as well. and calling oh-aew’s friends “shitty” bc they’re different to him (aren’t as driven as teh and his drama club gang...therefore a bad influence on oh-aew) makes it really evident that teh still has a lot to learn. he really needs to start taking those acting class lessons to heart so he can see that not everyone is the same, and that other peoples’ experiences and perspectives are valid too.

teh’s long pause and “maybe” to oh-aew’s “and if this is what i really am, you’re not gonna like me anymore, are you?” BIG SIGH. it’s so typical of teh. i know he’s honest to a fault, but he REALLY needs to learn to think before he speaks sometimes bc he always ends up regretting it. i love that impulsivity of his, but it’s also one of the most frustrating things about him.

one thing that i find kind of annoying with the time skip is that we miss so much of teh’s festering feelings that it’s a bit harder to empathise with him when he has his eventual blow up?? i think if we were seeing this more consistently, it would be much easier for us to understand things from his pov better. like if we could slowly see this building up more and more as time went on, rather than just time skipping the 8 months until the blow up.

anyway, now khim and top are graduating ;;; i really hope that we’ll still get to see more of them in the next eps. i also love how the people in teh’s life are always so concerned for him (and how oh-aew’s doing). the message behind the book teh gets for khim’s graduation present is really sweet.

when khim first tells them that she’s going to be a flight attendant and teh blows up, i felt really angry at him initially. but upon reflection and rewatching this ep again...i think i understand where he’s coming from a lot better now. obv i still think he was out of line bc of course what khim’s saying makes sense...she can’t keep going to casting calls and scraping by with minor roles when she has to support herself and her family. in the end, we all need money to survive, and sometimes we have to be realistic about it. i really loved what she said about how we can have multiple dreams at once. but yeah, my heart really went out for her so much here :( it might be difficult for teh to see (or accept) rn, but he’s a lot more privileged than he realises. he still has hoon and his mother to support him financially, but not everyone is in the same position. not everyone gets to be as lucky.

regardless, i still understand why teh gets as torn up about it as he does. khim is someone that he’s looked up to and respected SO much...and his own doubts and insecurities have been steadily increasing. first, oh-aew changes majors, then, he keeps getting rejected at auditions, and now, the senior that he respects the most bc of her hard work and determination, is giving up her dream (at least in his eyes) to become a flight attendant. it’s like the world keeps telling him to give up bc it’s not going to work out for him. and he’s invested EVERYTHING into this dream. it’s all or nothing for him. but it’s like everyone else is slipping away, and it’s getting harder and harder to hold onto.

when teh looks at the tie and is reminded of oh-aew always being there to put it on for him :(((((((( ngl i was hoping that teh would be the first one to approach oh-aew (since their fight was bc of him), but i’m glad he apologised at least. and that they had a good talk about their feelings. but then again, this reflection after their fights is what they’ve always been fairly good at. teh just has to learn to stop internalising things so much that he ends up exploding so they don’t get to this point in the first place. so much has flipped from the first ep where oh-aew was the one feeling lonely and out of place. now it’s teh’s turn to feel all alone as he sees everyone’s dreams and goals (but his) start to change. like everyone is moving on and learning to adjust while he’s being left behind.

when they’re promising each other that their love for one another will never change, it just makes me feel so SAD. seeing them in the moonlight like this compared to the first ep when they were on the beach in phuket and teh was so hopeful and oh-aew was so worried :( everything’s already changed so much. making this promise under the moon like this reminds me of how bkpp kept talking about how the ‘ipytm’ title itself means an impossible promise...the two of them hugging in the moonlight as the score plays just feels so painfully bittersweet somehow ;;; my heart is aching, and i want the next ep, but i can’t deny that my anxiety is slowly building.

anyway, i know the end of this sounds so negative but i’m still banking on our teh/oh-aew endgame!!!!!!! it just needs to get worse to get better, and there’s still so much space for them to grow and learn. so many more experiences in store for them.

[kuroopaisen]

heartworm. (akaashi keiji)

➵ you miss akaashi more than anything. so if bokuto’s birthday party gives you an opportunity to reconnect, you’ll take it. 

wc: 2.8k

warnings: swearing

“Hey, hey, hey!” Bokuto’s resounding chant seemed to rumble through the entire apartment.

“Hey, Bokuto,” you smiled, tilting your head at him.

“It’s great to see you!” He was beaming at you as he pulled you in for a hug, face flushed and hair all ruffled. You weren’t sure how many drinks he’d had, but you could tell by the colour of his cheeks that he wasn’t going to be standing upright for much longer.

You grinned up at him. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thank you!” His voice boomed out of his chest – far too loud, considering the circumstances. But, you smiled nonetheless. That was Bokuto for you.

He ushered you inside before you had time to think, patting your shoulders as you stumbled through his landing room. His apartment wasn’t large by any means, but he sure had tried to stuff a lot of people in it.

There were some faces you recognized – old team members from Fukurodani, Yukie, Kaori… and it was easy enough to fall into the groove of conversation with them. Well, as best you could, given the noise.

True to form, Bokuto’s party was little more than pure chaos. Mostly led by Bokuto himself, in cahoots with some guy who looked a little like a rooster. And of course, it was fun to watch. But something about the cacophony and the crowd was making your heart beat a little faster. You weren’t feeling claustrophobic, per say, but you needed some fresh air.

You almost laughed at yourself for that. You’d been at this party, what? Twenty minutes? And you already needed a time out? But, you supposed that’s what tended to happen once you got to your second year of university. You felt more and more like an old crone each day.

That, and there was a notable absence from the revelry. You didn’t want to think about him – no, you wouldn’t think about him. But that didn’t shift the weight in your stomach.

Thank God Bokuto had a balcony. It was rather quaint and small, but it would do. Just a few minutes in the cold and the dark, and you’d be ready to socialise again.

You sighed, turning to step into the shadows next to the door.

“Keiji!” The name slipped out of you before you could contain yourself.

He looked up at you, cross-legged at the end of the balcony. An outsider might’ve mistaken his expression for apathy. But you could tell, from the slight raise of his eyebrow and the touch of softness to his eyes, that he was surprised. Whether your presence was a good or bad surprise was yet to be seen.

“Hey.”

You wanted to throw your arms around him. You wanted to bury your face in his chest. You wanted to tell him how much you’d missed him.

You did none of that.

“Long time no see,” you smiled, cursing yourself for the cliché.

“Yeah,” he chuckled.

God, he looked good. You’d forgotten just how good-looking he was – how had you forgotten? He made jeans and a plain shirt look stylish.

A quiet memory of you and Bokuto insisting he get into modelling came back to you. You’d been teasing him, of course, but there had been truth to it. Hell, you knew you’d buy something if Akaashi was the one selling it to you.

You swallowed, trying to focus on the situation at hand.

“Are you alright?” His voice was as soft as you remembered.

“Yeah,” you nodded,

“You sure about that?” one of his brows was raised ever so slightly. He could still see through you, huh?

“Honestly, I’m a little intimidated,” you chuckled softly, sitting yourself on the ground next to him. It was strange just how much that made you feel better – to be on the same level as him. “I don’t really know anyone here.”

“Me neither,” he tilted his head to the side, turning his gaze away from you and onto the night sky.

“So, uh…” You wanted to talk to him. You wanted to keep this – awkward as it was – going. “How’ve things been?”

He shrugged. “Alright.” He paused. “I got an internship at a publishing agency.”

A bright smile overtook your face as you sat up a little straighter. “Keiji, that’s wonderful news.”

You’d rarely spoke of your plans for the future in your third year, but you knew well enough that Keiji had his hopes vested in writing. You hadn’t spoken about it at length – those sorts of conversations did little more than root anxiety, after all – but at graduation he’d left you with a little blurb.

“It’s only an editing position,” he bit the inside of his cheek, his brow furrowed ever so slightly. “But it’s an in.”

“They’ll be begging you to write for them in no time,” you nodded, smiling at him. “You’re only in your second year of uni! That’s a pretty big deal, you know.”

The whisper of a smile pulled at his lips. Your heart stirred; the very same way it had three years ago.

Fuck. Really?

“How about you?” He asked, voice aggravatingly melodic.

How were you?

Admittedly, not great. University had been… not what you’d expected.

Your first year had knocked you off your feet, and it had been quite the battle to get yourself upright again. That was on-top of everything going on in your personal life; moving out, adjusting to a whole new way of life, having to accept the changes that graduation brought… It’d been more of a feat than you’d expected it to be.

You’d tried to make friends, but it was harder in this new, unstructured environment. Making friends meant joining clubs, or striking lucky with where you chose to sit in that crucial first lecture. You’d made a handful of good friends, but you didn’t feel close to anyone yet. Not in the way you’d been close to the man sitting next to you.

But he’d drifted from you.

You remembered graduation with startling clarity; how he’d gripped your hand after the ceremony, making his way through the crowd to find Bokuto, who’d been proud to the point of tears. You remembered how afterwards, still hand in hand, you’d made your way to the local park; that little haven where you’d spent many evenings just talking.

It was there that he’d given you that little piece of prose. At the time, you felt like you barely understood it; like you’d only caught a whisper of what it really meant.

But you’d wondered, then, if you should kiss him.

You didn’t.

You weren’t going to risk your friendship with him based on some silly misunderstanding.

And maybe you could’ve shaken it off, if that’s all it was. But it wouldn’t have been some simple misunderstanding. It would’ve been all your hopes vested in a single gesture.

Things had crumbled after that.

You didn’t really see each other in person, once school had finished; he’d left to scout out apartments earlier than you, and he’d settled himself down in Tokyo before you’d had a chance to speak to him. You managed to catch him on the day he left, just long enough to give him a farewell hug.

But even that had felt off.

And then, you were texting less. And less. And less.

Next thing you know, you only spoke to him in the little group chat between you, him and Bokuto.

You hadn’t known what to do.

The two of you had been so close after meeting in first year. You’d seen the highs and lows of his volleyball career, you’d been granted a peek at his personal journey towards becoming a writer, seen him overcome obstacle after obstacle with such grace…

And he’d been there for you through every trial of your own. When it all felt like it was too much, Keiji was there to talk you down, to make you feel like everything would end up okay. There was nothing he couldn’t logic his way through.

Really, there was no way you weren’t going to develop feelings for him. He’d grounded you, supported you, cared for you. He’d become so overwhelmingly important to you, and yet here you were, at a loss of what to say to him.

How are you? He’d asked.

Fuck it, you thought.

You tell him everything. Everything that had meant something to you. Everything that had shaped you as a person this last year and a half. Everything you’d been storing in your heart, hoping to spill to him.

You don’t know how long you’ve spoken for, but you didn’t stop. For a moment, it’s almost like it was in high school; you, rambling on about whatever had caught your interest, and Keiji, the perfect listener.

But, as the minutes pass, you realise this is just like high school.

He’s smiling at you.

It’s soft, barely there. But it’s familiar. It’s the face of the Keiji you cherished so deeply, even if he looked a little older.

You paused, taking a deep breath.

He’s still looking at you. He’s there. In reach.

So you say it.

“I’ve missed you.”

His eyes widen, just a little, and for just a second. But his cheeks are dusted with pink, and the corners of his mouth were turning upwards. “I’ve missed you, too.”

Oh no. Those words were enough to make you brave. Much too brave.”

“Hey, Keiji?”

God, why did his eyes have to be so piercing?

“Why did we drift apart?”

There’s no hiding his shock now. It’s fair – you hadn’t expected that question to crop up either.

But it’s out there, now, and you’ve got nothing to lose.

His chest rose as he took a deep breath, and--

“Akaashi!”

You both knew who that voice belonged to. And sure enough, he came thundering out the balcony door, duo-toned hair a mess and golden eyes shaped into an uncharacteristic glare.

Akaashi flinched, drawing back into the shadows as if on instinct. It wasn’t enough.

Bokuto’s face was still red, but now he looked determined. He jerked a finger on Akaashi’s direction, a pout crafted onto his face.

“Have you two hooked up yet?”

You blinked. What did he just say? Your gaze flicked over to Akaashi without even thinking about it. He looked mortified: eyes wide, mouth formed in a little ‘o’, cheeks utterly devoid of colour.

He looked exactly how you felt. Sure, Akaashi was cute – although, that was an understatement – and he’s always been a wonderful person. And sure, his distancing act hurt twice as much because maybe, just maybe you’d always had a little crush on him. And maybe you’d been wondering if he was putting that distance between the two of you because he knew about it and –

“Shut up, Bokuto—”

“It is not cool to ignore someone just because you’ve got the hots for them, man!”

Two questions crossed your mind in that moment. One – who even uses that phrase anymore? Two – what the fuck?

Your head whipped around to look at Akaashi face-on, hoping, praying that’d give you some kind of answer.

He looked like he was about to explode. That stark white pallor had been replaced by blinding red, and it looked like he was puffing his cheeks out.

Bokuto was about to die. That’s all you were sure of.

“Tell ‘em how you feel, man!” Bokuto still hadn’t stopped, hands gesticulating just as freely as his voice was.

Neither you or Akaashi had anything to say. All you could do was stare, absolutely flummoxed, at the man in front of you.

You’d mentioned the whole drifting thing to Bokuto, but you hadn’t expected him to actually say anything. Not after begging him not to. How many drinks deep was he?

But Bokuto was already gone, thundering through the door and shouting for a ‘Kuroo.’

Leaving you to deal with the aftermath.

“I’m…” Akaashi cleared his throat, his gaze a thousand miles away. “I’m so sorry about that.”

“It’s…” You bit the inside of your cheek. How were you supposed to comprehend what just happened? “It’s fine. I’m… used to it.”

“So,” he sighed, running a hand down his face. “I guess I should explain myself.”

Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God.

“Remember that thing I wrote you?” He asked, his tone reticent.

You nodded. “For graduation?”

“Yeah,” he swallowed, his eyes cast downward. “I was… I was trying to confess.”

Wait. What?

Everything raced through your mind. How he’d held your hand. How his gaze had lingered on your face. How he couldn’t quite walk away after he’d walked you home. The look of disappointment in his eyes as you said goodbye.

Oh. Oh God. You were an idiot.

“You… were?” You hadn’t felt your heart hammering like this since high school.

“Yeah,” he chuckled softly, playing with his fingers. “I thought it was pretty obvious.”

Maybe it had been. Maybe it hadn’t. “Oh.”

“So, I just… assumed you’d rejected me,” he murmured. “Since you said nothing about it.”

Could you punch your former self in the face? Because you really, really wanted to do that right now.

“And I… I didn’t know what to do after that,” he swallowed, managing to meet your gaze. It was only then that you realised you’d been staring at him like a creep for the past few minutes. “Everything started changing, and I…” He sighed. “I got scared. So, I stopped reaching out.” He bit his lip, looking down again. “I’m sorry. That was childish of me.”

“No!” You spoke before you’d thought about it. “No, I… I’m sorry.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Why are you apologizing?”

“I…” You took a deep breath, propping yourself up on your knees and facing him directly. “I should’ve said something.”

Akaashi frowned, tilting his head at you.

“You know I had the biggest crush on you, right?” You blurted it out, so slurred it’s almost one word.

His eyes widened at that. More than usual.

“God, I was pathetic,” you smiled. “Embarrassing, actually. Remember how many times I tripped in front of you? I was like a goddamn shoujo protagonist.”

“I never noticed,” he murmured. You smiled, about to respond – “I thought you were cute.”

Huh?

“Thanks?” You had no idea how to respond to that. But you were sure the frown on your face wasn’t a good look.

Akaashi chuckled, looking up at you again. “That hasn’t changed, you know.”

Oh God, oh God, oh God—

“I still have your letter,” you said. Why? You weren’t sure.

This conversation was already totally out of your control. You’d gotten closure for something you’d accepted as forever unknowable. The boy you were damn near in love with was confessing to you in the retrospective. You’d come to this party to make an appearance and then leave after the first hour – this wasn’t how you thought your night was going to go.

“You do?” His voice was unbearably soft.

You nodded. “I… I really missed you. I… wanted to keep the last part of you I had.”

There was no word in your vocabulary to describe the look on Akaashi’s face. It was something like relief, something like regret.

“I’m glad.”

Those weren’t the words you were expecting to hear back. But what had you expected? Especially in light of this new revelation. In light of the fact that he’d felt the same way you had. And for someone so clever, so analytical… he hadn’t picked up on how you felt.

But, knowing him… that was just a testament to how much he must’ve liked you. Enough to confuse himself. Enough to doubt himself.

And sitting there, across from him, you knew that your feelings had barely changed.

“Hey, Keiji?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not… dating anyone, are you?”

“I’m not.”

Deep breath. This was very, very stupid. But you leant forward and pressed a kiss just at the corner of his mouth, a breath away from his lips.

“Did you aim that?” Akaashi smirked. But his cheeks were red, and his eyes were fond.

“I didn’t—I don’t—I—” What you wanted to say was that you didn’t want to assume anything. That you didn’t know what you were doing. That you were trying to make up for the one vital mistake—

“Here,” he smiled. He took your hand in his, lacing your fingers together. That was enough to make your mind go frantic, a muddle of shame and excitement and the will to give in.

He brought your clasped fingers up to his lips and lay a gentle kiss on him.

God, that’s so embarrassing. That’s enough to make you burn up?

“Let’s take this slow, okay?” He’s smiling at you. A full, proper smile. “We’ve got a lot to catch up on.”