#i do realise that me talking too much wont help either but.. i cant help it. the voices are winning

[mbslost]

hi. yes i came back for another yapping session, ironic.

i would like to express some of my feelings towards... some interesting things.

1. The Strade nazi drawing

i talked about his before, i am aware, but later (while reading other opinions as well) i got reminded about EP (Electricpuke for those who dont know him). did we all forgot HOW MANY nazi drawings he made? dont you believe that's an influence as well? if i remember correctly, Gato cut ties with him because of his abusive behaviour (there arent many people talking about this but some user are aware about his actions. sadly i wasnt in the community when that happened)

literally there are people calling Gato a nazi when she doesn't support the ideology. why did no one act the same with EP? different standards? the fact he left (probably) for good? still its not an excuse to call Gato a nazi. also she apologised multiple times. again MULTIPLE TIMES. even in the callout post in twt you can see the fact she IS sorry for drawing that. that she REGRETS it

edit: kay found a ss on tt from the user @/gorturic where Gato said this as well

again, she doesn't support any nazi shit :/

2. The way others silence opinions that they dont like

im not saying you should be forced to agree with it, but when you make a callout account, normally, you let multiple people say their opinions over that thing. you can even show proof when you see someone is wrong. thats how argument work, crazy ik.

i start to see that if you defend Gato or just leave the community because the fandom its on thin ice, you'll be harassed and bullied for your choices. first of all, HOW ABOUT WE LEAVE PEOPLE THAT DONT WANT TO ASSOCIATE WITH BTD/TPOF ANYMORE ALONE. good? literally saw multiple users being harassed by this. its THEIR decision, suck it up. also can we stop SENDING DEATH THREATS???

or the fact that if you do have a point, they'll immediately cancel it with the "oh but its not important". it can be if you have some proofs for their misinformation (just like i proved the variety of poc characters Gato CREATED. didnt talk about Ren since he's another story)

3. Lack of proof for the side allegations.

if people noticed mods harassing people sm, why didnt they talk? why arent there ss of their conversations? we dont even know (most of us) what they even commented about (aside of Pussyspieler drawing). or the twt user that was wronged. that situation was like.. kind of a "im more autistic so you should shut up" (i have to add that i asked people on the spectrum about this and that was their point of view) of course the mod shouldn't have said it like that but.. its more of a misunderstanding really.. that doesnt mean you cant be upset. you absolutely can. everyone can react differently so dont harass them for feeling down or for being frustrated.

also the spanish (or mexican idk) users that just copied and translated @/renhanasgf posts with little to no new information. just the same thing. (although they said something of Gato not sending merch to latin America. probably because of the laws back then or the fact that the transport fee would be high af. im still searching for the reason tho so ill need some time for that one).

4. This fandom is messed up

people when fans of horror porn games are problematic 🤯. i agree that some people are being like extreme with their reactions, but no one is perfect here. just like i approached the situation completely wrong, they did the same. of course, now if you go around and be a racist piece of shit, you shoudl just stay off the internet for a while. luckily more approach the "like the art not the artist" thing.

look. you can always block users that you dont like (just like i do to those who are either into csam,thanks for telling me ab this term anon!, or incest). i know. shocking that people can block others.

after all these fandoms are not for the weak. there may be some safe spaces in it as well but... lets be real... its still going to be problematic. if you cant handle the community or how others act around here, then id suggest for you to not have a close interaction with others. like uhm, just, appreciate the content, not every person around here. just be aware of the users, stau safe okay?

5. Will i stop yapping?

not until i will see an agreement in the fandom. Gato is a human, of course she will do mistakes. especially if she's anxious or tired. having hundreds of people around you its hard and i can imagine it. having supoortive people only to wake up with people hating you. i hope she's safe and that she wont have to go to the hospital again. i pray for her well being, and to others that got spammed with those disgusting comments.

im not saying we should forget about this like.. her poor management and emotional way of responding to things, but is it truly worth it? to force a person to apologise just because they tried to fix things?

i also dont think ill stop because i just feel like im the only one that does talk here (trying to even prove wrong on some things). if others do it as well, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TAG ME I WANNA SEE THEM😭 also because most people are still so confused about EVERYTHING. for some reason this drama its only getting more popular on tt for some reason.. which is a big no no since there are a lot of YOUNG people. i believe this should be talked here, and on twitter. (idk what to say about telegram)

ill stop here since my sickness got me. i will edit it later to add or correct myself but *sighs*

please stay safe and try to view more opinions over this. DONT SPAM OR HARASS ANYONE WHO ONLY WANTED TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS. we'll see on Sunday how things will turn out.

(if i missed something out or said something wrong please correct me)

[magicxc]

Stork Visits

Pairings: Survey Coprs x Black Reader - do they want babies?

Word Count: 1137

Warnings: baby fever?

A/N: Here’s what I think in regard to the guys wanting babies. But tell me what you think! Is there someone who you feel would react differently than I imagined?

Headcannons Masterlist

Eren  - oh absolutely. I think he’d love to see a miniature him running around causing mayhem. He’s the obsessed dad, telling everyone you meet that you’re pregnant and watching literally everything you eat to make sure that it’s safe and healthy for the baby. Eren becomes a nutritionist, a midwife, and security guard all in one; and while you are grateful, he could definitely use a chill pill. 

Levi - I wanna say no, but he can be convinced. More of a soft no, or Levi’s idea of a soft no. He doesn’t really develop relationships or connections with others because of everyone around him dying and for that reason he’s really against the idea of raising a child. But once he finds someone special, I think he’ll view it with a different set of lens and even come to anticipate the idea of another Ackerman.

Erwin - very neutral. He isn’t actively for a child or against it. More of a if it happens, it happens kinda fella. Understand that work WILL be a priority and will often take precedence. Erwin is absolutely taking care of his family but it’ll be more in a financial sense. Although he is emotionally available as well it’s his physical presence yall will have to tussle with. However, he is making sure at the very least yall wont need for much. I'm talking a house in the best neighborhood, the best schools, the best clothes, etc. And he absolutely loves his family but when that job calls, it's toodles. 

Connie - also neutral to the idea. Connie doesn’t really take life seriously to me. I consider him to be in his playboy era lowkey. He doesn’t really live for the future, but more so the present so if you get pregnant he’ll be supportive of whatever choice you make. And if it does happen, he’s that overwhelming dad who’s plastering his child on all the socials. They’ll be in matching outfits, taking professional pictures for every milestone, and he’s stacking those presents high under the Christmas tree for the holidays. That child will have him wrapped around their finger so it's safe to say that you’ll have to be the bad cop for a good chunk of their childhood cause Connie is mostly concerned with being the cool and fun parent. 

Jean - yes!! He’s that military man that enlists straight out of high school, meets a girl, marries her two months later, and starts a family of five. Maybe even get a pet for the sake of it. Jean strikes me as very traditional in the family sense. His children will be honor students and he’s plastering his bumper sticker with all their future colleges. Their report cards get put on the fridge and while Jean does start off his parenting a little strict in the disciplinary department, he eventually learns to take it easy. 

Onyankopon - yes, but when the time is right. He wants to try and solve all the worlds problems before settling down to start a family. Soon enough he’ll realise that as much as he wants to he cant help everyone so he goes on to focus his energy on creating a life with his lover. Ony’s so adorable. Literally there at your beck and call. He’s taking you to all your doctors appointments, sitting through all your lamaze classes and designing the baby's room from scratch. Ony is the hands on father who’s spending weeks tryna figure out how to assemble the crib and he’s signing the kid up for every extracurricular activity possible as soon as they can walk - ooh and he’s never missing a practice. 

Reiner - idek with this man. I genuinely feel like the pendulum can swing either way, though I am leaning more towards no. I think Reiner carries way too much guilt to ever feel deserving of children and so he’s content to just have a wife while playing the role of cool, rich uncle. Mans is honestly just happy to be alive, and barely even that, so he’s not too interested in starting a family. He’ll babysit in a heartbeat and is sneakily feeding his nieces/nephews/godchildren ice cream for breakfast after their parents explicitly said no. He’s the one they call when they need a ride home from a party they weren't even supposed to go to and he’s providing an alibi if need be. Reiner is sliding $20 in their hands at every function and bringing them gifts from his latest excursion around the globe. While he greatly enjoys his time spent with the kiddos he loves handing them back to their parents even more; and greatly enjoys having his lover all to himself while doing things he never dreamed he’d reach the age to see and simultaneously healing the child within. 

Armin - yes!! I think Armin is gonna be the poster dad for kids lowkey. You ever meet those parents who run their household like the navy? Like in a scheduled sorta way? That’s gonna be Armin. Kids are in bed no later than 8pm. Their breakfast, lunch, and dinner will be balanced to each portion of essential nutrients based on the food groups of the plate. They're drinking 8 glasses of water a day and flavored milk yuck during snack time. Their juices are diluted with water so when they hit their first party and experience 100% juice for the first time they’re literally bouncing off the walls. I really feel like Armin would have that perfect cookie cutter type family who celebrates and decorates for every holiday. They brush their teeth before bed every night and must bathe with their special bubble bath soap or else they’ll lose their shit. He’ll raise kids you avoid in primary school lmaoo but get cool with during high school who eventually becomes a more chill version of their younger self. 

Floch - not really. He wants to run wild and sow his oats. Floch doesn't care for kids in my opinion. He’s in his selfish era which turns out to last a lot longer than he anticipated. Floch is an intelligent guy and while he enjoys practicing for a baby, he’s come to realise that he wouldn’t enjoy the responsibilities of said baby. He’s not actively in his nieces/nephews/godchildren everyday lives but instead is that uncle you only see at the family functions which is like twice a year. Once he’s there though they can ask for anything and he’s giving it to them. Money, a lil sip of beer, hell even some dating tips. He doesn't go out of his way to be present so it's really one of those you just gotta be there moments. Floch has always been on his own timing and enjoys living his best child free life. 

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @dreatine - thanks so much!! ♡

Eleven Minutes

7:20…

Spencer’s phone dings, snapping his vision away from scrutinising his reflection in the mirror.

“Ok, Im now leaving, see you there!”

A text. That’s how it all started, a single text from you. He remembers it like it was yesterday, but he remembers every single one of the 14 days since, even clearer. After 7 months of no communication, you appeared on his phone.

“Just saw the cutest dog in existence”

Of course he hadnt deleted your number, and your text proved you hadnt deleted his either, or maybe you had, but you’d memorised it. He’d replied with a single perplexed question mark, and you sent him another text in seconds.

“Seriously, look, you wont believe it”

With that one, you attached a picture of the dog you’d seen, and he realised what you were doing. Breaking the ice in the least awkward way possible. And you succeeded. Everyday since, you and Spencer have been exchanging casual texts, picking up right where you left off but in a way he’d never expected.

7:22…

He checks his reflection one more time in the mirror, fixing his hair and your favourite tie of his, before texting you a reply.

“Im on my way!”

It was like you’d never broken up. Spencer coped with not having an explanation for 7 days, then he couldnt take it. The curiosity was eating at him until he finally caved and called you.

7:24…

Spencer remembered the way his heart leapt, hearing your voice for the first time in so long. It brings a smile to his face as he locks his front door and begins walking down the street.

“Spence…it’s 2am, what in the world couldnt wait just a few more hours?” He could tell he’d woken you from a deep sleep, and he felt terrible, but he couldnt put this off any longer.

“This cant wait. Please.”

You cleared your throat, sensing the seriousness of his reasoning without even knowing what it was. “Okay, okay, what’s up?”

The question fell from his lips in a hurried jumble. “Why did you start talking to me again?”

Silence.

7:24…

The streetlights guide him, and he cant help seeing the coincidence within them. Spencer only ever notices how bright the world he is when you’re around.

That night, he took a breath, about to speak, but you finally answered.

“I missed you.”

And that was all he needed. He didnt question any further, and the two of you talked on the phone until the sun came up. He knew enough, and you could always read him like a book; he knew that you knew without even asking, your feelings were reciprocated, always.

7:26…

It was light night that Spencer suggested the two of you meet up for the first time in what felt like an eternity, and it was you who asked if it would be a date. That, he said, was up to you. Well then, I guess it’s a date, he recalls you chirping, his mind replaying your excitement, causing him to light up. Spencer looks down at the ground as he walks, to hide his expression in case anyone saw him walking alone and wondered why he was smiling so widely to himself.

7:28…

Round the corner is the bar you suggested meeting at, because it’s so close to where Spencer lives, so it’s one the two of you used to visit regularly. Like old times, he thinks blissfully. You arranged to meet at half past 7, and he’s close by, he doesnt want to arrive early or before you, he doesnt want to seem overly eager, so he stops.

7:30…

Leaning against the brick wall of the building behind the bar, Spencer lets his head roll back to look up at the night sky. He’s mere seconds away from being where you want him to be, where he’ll finally get to see you again. He wonders how this will work, is he supposed to greet you with a kiss on the cheek, or a hug? And at the end of the date, what happens in this scenario? Is kissing you too forward? Too soon? Spencer knows you better than anyone, but in this situation, when the two of you havent been in each other’s presence for so long, he doesnt know how much of you still responds to him in the same way. He doesnt want his excitement to be replaced by nervousness, he shakes his head and tries to focus on the positives. Like seeing your smile, hearing your voice and your laugh in person, looking into your eyes, making you blush, performing his cheesiest pickup lines so that you dramatically swoon before the two of you collapse into fits of laughter.

Scenes play out in Spencer’s head, making him dizzy in the best way, opening the door of the butterfly cage in his stomach. It’s time. His hands begin to shake lightly at his sides as he takes a deep breath and steps away from the wall, turning in the direction of the bar. But Spencer only manages to take a single step before the sound of a gunshot pierces the air, and his blood runs cold.

…7:21

Your eyes flick down from the street in front of you every few seconds as you await his reply. He might cancel, right now, he could get cold feet or realise this is a bad idea, he could-

A gentle smile overtakes your features as you read the text from Spencer. He’s going to be there, you’re really going to see each other again. Your cheeks flush pink at the thought of him just smiling at you, you feel like a high school girl with a crush, not an adult woman going on a date with her ex. That phrasing is so bitter, you shake your head, this is a good thing! It’s going to work itself out. You two will be fine, like you always are.

…7:23

Tucking your phone into your bag and zipping it shut, you nod to yourself as a mantra of positive thoughts towards this situation flood your mind, reassuring you that this is the right thing to you.

Last night you booked a hotel room down the street so that you could walk to the bar rather than have to rely on public transport. You want to arrive on time, early even, so that you dont miss a minute of tonight.

…7:25

You clutch the strap of your bag with one hand, your other hand flattening your dress against the gentle breeze. The material of the dress is soft, it’s technically a summer dress, not entirely weather appropriate for a colder-than-average night, but it doesnt matter. Spencer’s eyes used to fall out of his skull whenever he saw you in this dress. On the summer nights when he was working late and you’d show up at his desk, gifting him with food you’d prepared for him yourself. You’d keep him company until he was done with his work, keeping the smile on his face that he couldnt find the words to thank you for. Lost in thought, you tuck your hair behind your ears shyly, as though he’s smiling at you and calling you beautiful now, rather than in a memory.

…7:27

Another cool wind caresses you, and you’re quick to wrap your leather jacket further around yourself. A summer dress and a leather jacket, the best combination to reassure Spencer that you’re still the same badass who’s very obviously wholesome too. Exactly what you’re hoping he misses, even if he didnt verbally confirm that on the night you told him you missed him. Doubting is pointless and will only make you insecure, you remind yourself, Spencer suggested to meet, he replied to all your texts, he called you at 2am because you were on his mind. Everything is going to be fine, this is right.

…7:29

The warm glow from the lights beyond the bar windows greet you as you reach the building, and you lean against the wall. Looking over your shoulder, you peak in the windows, knowing Spencer wont be there since you arranged to meet outside, but wanting to check regardless. Just in case. You take your phone out of your bag to check the time. He only lives down the street, he’ll be here any second. You turn to face the direction you know he’ll be walking from, along the same street the two of you laughed down countless times, tipsy and serenading each other with whatever song you’d favoured on the bar playlist that night. Tucking your phone back in your bag, you let yourself relax. This will bring the two of you back together, where you belong.

“Hey there pretty girl, what’re you doing all by yourself?”

You roll your eyes at the voice behind you.

“Try to flirt with me again and I’ll rip your midget dick off.” You say without bothering to turn around, still waiting for Spencer to round the corner.

The voice behind you laughs. “I dont think it’s you that should be making threats here, sweetheart.”

The click of a gun takes you out of your badass state of mind. You slowly turn around, clutching the strap of your bag, annoyed at yourself for putting your phone away. Back when you and Spencer were together, he helped teach you how to call him with your phone behind your back. But that’s useless now.

“What do you want?” You ask, your voice less sharp, more negotiable.

The man tilts his gun towards your hip. “Your bag, it looks pretty expensive, and I need a ticket out of here, fast.”

You shake your head and take a step back. “No, I cant. There’s nothing of value in there, just sentimental stuff. Please, go, I wont tell anyone I saw-“

He cuts you off. “BULLSHIT! Give me your fucking bag!”

You nod and hold your hands up. “Okay, okay, calm down, let’s do this slowly. Im going to pass you my bag, but please lower your gun so you dont accidentally shoot me.”

He scoffs, but lowers his gun as you hold your bag out to him.

…7:31

He reaches for your bag, the moment seeming to pass in slow motion, until you take your chance. You yank your bag back to your side and make a run for it, knowing Spencer cant be far, he’ll protect you. A gunshot sounds before you make it round the corner, and before you have time to process it, you’re lying on the sidewalk.

Spencer runs down the street, reaching you in a few steps. He sees the man running down the street, the way your hands are still clinging to your bag as you lie on your side, and he puts the pieces together in less than a second. Crouching at your side, he gently takes ahold of your face with shaking hands. He’s always been so careful with you, but now so more than ever. Your eyes are closed, but you smile in recognition.

“(Y/N), stay with me, please!” Spencer pleads desperately, tears already cascading down his face at a rapid rate.

His hands make quick work of taking both of yours in one of his, which he then presses to the bullet wound in your side, while his other hand reaches for his phone and holds it to his ear. His report to emergency services is brief but informative, done in less than 20 seconds, before his full attention is back on you.

“I-I cant lose you again, not like this! Please, dont go!” Spencer sobs, using his now free hand to carefully move your hair out of your face.

“There’s something for you…in my bag.” Your voice is so quiet, so weak, as the pool of blood grows beneath you.

Spencer’s free hand digs through your bag, ignoring the feeling of things he expects to be there, like your house keys, until he finds a small piece of paper that’s folded in half.

“Open it.” You whisper, opening your eyes as much as you can, an exhausted squint watching him as he unfolds the paper.

Just in case I didnt have the balls to tell you tonight-

Spencer shakes his head. “I dont need to read this, you can tell me once we’re at the hospital, after a nap, okay?” His voice is as soft as yours, weak in an entirely different sense.

You smile up at him. “Even if that’s what happens next…I want you to read it. Didnt think I’d get to see your reaction to it, so I’ll take this chance. Please read it.”

Spencer sniffles and nods, reflecting your smile. “For you? Anything.”

He unfolds the paper again.

Just in case I didnt have the balls to tell you tonight, I still love you, Spence. I always have, and always will.

Spencer’s chin wobbles as fresh tears with an entirely different meaning fill his eyes. He doesnt waste another opportunity to verbally reciprocate feelings, and he clears his throat.

“I love you too, (Y/N). Always have, always will.” His voice is hoarse and shaky.

You grin up at him with everything you have, moving one of your hands away from your wound, Spencer having to loosen his hold on your hands in order to let you go. You lift your bloody hand to his cheek and he holds it there, nuzzling into your palm, neither of you caring about getting your blood on his face.

“Nice tie.”

Spencer parts his lips to reply, to tell you that you look beautiful in the dress he’d noticed you wearing as soon as he saw you, but your eyes flutter closed. He hadnt noticed just how big the pool of blood had gotten, it’s soaked through the knees of his suit trousers. His shaking hand goes to your neck, his fingers checking your pulse, desperate to detect any sign of life. But he doesnt feel anything. Except he does, he feels every aspect of his very being shatter, leaving him a shaking, sobbing mess. The gentle smile stays on your face, blue lights from the ambulance casting a glow on your beautiful face that makes you look even less alive. But Spencer doesnt hear the sirens, not over his own agonising screams. You are gone. If he had just walked around that corner, if he hadnt been so caught up in making a good impression on someone he already knew, he could have saved you. Or he could have taken your place. He’s without you, again, but this time in the worst way possible.

[yuukei-yikes]

hibiya and takane at the end of the novels let me talk for a second😐😐😐😐😐😭😭😭😭ok erm novel spoilers duh

takane and hibiya werent at the lab with clearing and the rest bc they couldn't rly help (takane is doing shit as ene but if they took her body itd just be something the dan has to carry and as for hibiya in my sick twisted mind hibiyas thing is not ONLY cuz he cant help bc his powers take too much energy but its also bc the dan is trying to act like responsible older siblings and deciding hibiyas too young to be put in danger...sobsob. like it means a lot that hes the only one to survive aside from seto and mary. it's also funny how seto and mary are having an ugly crying party and hibiyas there like 😐) its a good team cuz ene can report back to the dan everything hibiya is seeing with his powers and hibiya can report to takane too *goes insane* its such a funny duo takane tasked as the worlds awfulest babysitter. you know in cartoons when the babysitter just ignores the kids and talks on the phone. hibiya and takane being teamed up together is literally that. except she goes inside the phone and all their friends are dying but thats a detail.

(also it hurts so much too bc of the whole haruka&konoha thing. the 2 characters most closely related to haruka and konoha being stuck together *my descend into madness is complete*)

i think their chapter together was interesting it made me poke my eyes out bc hibiya has to tell takane shintaro is dead and he's like OUGH...I DONT WANNA BE THE ONE TO TELL HER HER BEST FRIEND IS DEAD.. and then takane has a "weird" reaction, like basically doesnt break into tears or anything. and i know its because she had apparently discussed the possibility with shintaro previously (id kill to have read that convo. normal shintaka convo post reveal *shakes fist*) but the way she kind of tries to comfort hibiya in her own weird way and the whole thing being hibiyas pov its so clear she's trying to keep it together in front of him bc he's just a kid. and not only that but she says he reminds her of SHINTARO so she's like. ough ofc she acts like that. just by how she was as ene to shintaro she is being to hibiya rn to make him feel better. she knows she will die when she says goodbye to him after that as ene. IM GONNA PUKE

(she's... like so mature in her own stupid way. it rly hurts when in the following chapter when she's like on her way to die/just died she thinks abt how helpless she was and how she couldnt do anything even though she had just comforted hibiya and sacrificed herself for seto and marys sake. *bangs head against wall* TAKANEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!)

anyways i had all those thoughts bc i was like so since in novel route takane dies as ene... is her physical body also swallowed by the daze?? or is it just her soul, and when she's in the daze later its a haruka situation and both of them only have their consciousness kinda walking around as opposed to everyone else who is there with physical bodies? if that happened then hibiya would just be left on the roof of a random building with a corpse.

either way F for hibiya bc its either he's alone with a corpse or he gets jumpscared by another dimension opening and eating up the body. i do think her body gets swallowed tho and she just looks like ene in the daze cuz thats what she looks like in her mind (she's only been back in her physical body for like a day before this so lol)

either way. hc time but like. i just imagine hibiya realising takane isnt Really sleeping anymore and she Really wont wake up and Wow she doesnt have a pulse and even if he doesn't know her well, he is a kid and she is the adult that was keeping him company. so he kind of loses his mind. i feel so bad for him, what happened to him after takane leaves him??? bc we dont see him again til the end.

like even if he was technically already alone on the roof cuz takane was away as ene anyway, he knew she'd come back. but now shes NOT WAKING UP. he's looking at all this happen, all the people he's met in the last 2 days are dying one by one, the hope to find hiyori seems more and more ridiculous as the hours go on, konoha has been taken over by something Bad and is doing Bad things to people, he doesnt know if momo will be safe, its the middle of the night and he's in a city he doesnt know and the person, the adult, THE FRIEND supposed to be with him is NOT WAKING UP!!! i just imagine this little guy sobbing on takanes body begging her to wake up because he doesnt know how to get back to the hideout from here!! he doesnt know where he is!!! hey!! wakeup!! dont leave me by myself what am i supposed to do!!! and screaming when the daze swallows the body and hes just left alone for real. lol. anyways hows everyone doing

[prtfrmhrtbrn]

im ill and incapable of real genuine human thought so im just going to talk about one of my favourite drafts that im working on and its this

-regulus & evan fake dating, ft aromantic regulus, endgame rosewater qpp AND endgame rosekiller.

-yeah im hitting evan with the polyamory beam. ITS CALLED PROJECTING!!

anyway its one of my favourite things in my google docs. some fun facts about it:

•barty & evan BOTH already like each other. evan also knows barty likes him back but thinks hes too much of a coward to say anything and his first thought is “okay, i’ll fake date somebody about this”

•oh and also regulus is just like “i mean alright i guess”

•regulus tells barty immediately. hes like “honest to god get your shit together” and barty is like “literally why would you do this” and regulus is like “i thought it would be funny”:

•you guys are all ALWAYS forgetting that if sirius pretty much raised regulus HES GOING TO ACT LIKE A TWAT SOMETIMES i love regulus being an absolute menace

•qpr. thats all i need to say. as a member of a qpr it is one of my all time favourite relationships in my life and i think not enough people write them. i ALSO think not enough people write aro characters as capable of emotion!! 90% of the time (in my experience!!) theyre just aro because the author couldnt think of a pairing for them and they felt bad. so anyway i changed that for this fic. and also in like… 3 other fics in my drafts. i love being in a qpr im in a qpr hey did i mention im in a qpr this post goes out to my beloved partner even though they will never see it

•sirius. sirius. sirius. i dont know WHAT it is about the black brothers but every single time i write ANY fic with either of them in they end up talking to each other. i cant stop them. im just writing and they say “we want to reconcile” and i say “that wasnt one of my plot points…?” but its too late! theyre already talking!

•regulus being SUPREMELY confused when he realises he likes evan <3 with the focus on the fact that he can still like him without it being romantic!! he has no idea what a qpr is but he’ll get there

•regulus GOES TO SIRIUS FOR HELP!! and sirius is like “ok i will help you” and regulus is like “what why” and sirius is like “do you want help or not tbh”

•but also regulus is like “ok so i have a fake boyfriend” and sirius is like “you fucking what”:

•the segment with sirius features a LOT of complaints from regulus (that part is his pov! it changes throughout between barty, reg & evan though) about the red of the gryffindor dorms. he is so upset by them:

•barty immediately notices when regulus accidentally catches feelings. hes like “…you thought this would be funny but it went like normal fake dating didnt it” and regulus gives him a very sad looking nod and says “i wont stop you dating him i still dont know what it is” and barty is like “getting over evan is too much work and id know, if he wants us both he can bloody well just have us both”

•spoiler alert for the fact that he does <3

-anyway. not much of this is written but i just wanted to talk about it! my dear best friend and the platonic loml is anti reg/evan (she could never get me) so… tumblr has to hear about it instead!

-oh also my fake dating experience is based in a little too much truth about my life (i did it) (its how i got with my partner) so! you know. you can trust the authenticity?

-thats all. i needed to get this out of my SYSTEM but it might end up on ao3 <3 anyways if youre a rosewater-er my ao3 is SUCH a safe place for you. my marauders pseud is hellenistic & my main is apartfromheartburn (but dont go there because its all anime fics i wrote 3 years ago) so my marauders fics can as such be found under hellenistic (apartfromheartburn). id link them but also i have a headache that will kill me if i stare at my phone acreen any longer so! thats not happening. end of this post! bye bye <3

[dirt-str1der]

This is gonna keep me up at night i cannot believe that people dont like saejima like i didnt even reallse this was going on i was too caught up in the bliss of finally having a protagonist with bigger titties than kiryu and constantly wears an expression that looks like hes attending a funeral. Like i didnt even see the y4 scene as saejima it was so uncomfortable and felt so .. shoehorned in. Like theres nothing about saejima that ever made a callback to that scene ever again, it came out of fucking nowhere and then its revealed later on that saejima adores kids his childhood dream was to become a kindergarden teacher he loved his little sister like crazy and if they truly wanted saejima to pin haruka so badly they could have made it because he looked at her and saw yasuko and didnt want to look away. Saejima Was and Should Be portrayed as wild and desperate during that scene but not because of ??? Lust ??? Suddenly being overcome by female pheromones ??? Its because he was so scared and cornered and he knows that hes intruding on this perfect little family and its either him or them , and if he doesnt stop haruka now then she’s going to blow the whistle and have her dad come running and then its the end for him, hes going back to jail and theyre going to kill him in there and hes never going to see yasuko or majima or anyone else ever again. If saejima grabs haruka and bowls her over and ends up on top of her , hes not going to start shaking because shes a feeeemale its because he realises that his impulsive tackle has already painted him as dangerous in her mind and shes not gonna want him around anymore and he cant let her go now because shes going to call kiryu and if he wants to escape then he has to shut her up and go for her dad next and he really really doesnt want to have to kill them because they saved him and haruka is staring up at him with gigantic eyes, hes dripping cold sweat and he sees his sister and saejima lets go of her and resigns himself to going back to jail because he cant do it, he cant hurt her. Haruka scrambles to her feet and she saejima expects her to run but she stays in the room with him and neither of them know what to say to each other and Thats when kiryu, whos checked and double checked for any plausible explanation that wouldnt point to saejima being an escaped convict and found none, enters the room from where hed been monitoring the situation with his fists balled up, he unclenches his hands and he pretends like he hadnt seen anything and sends haruka on her way on a chore of little importance so he can have a private chat with saejima and kiryu sits at the entrance of the room, leaving his back open to saejima as they have their introductory speech and saejima is like fuckkk this is the guy i was supposed to look for, gives kiryu the fakest name ever (which kiryu thinks is genius), saejima gets more and more hyped and he concocts his shipwreck story and they end up on the beach as saejimas explaining the ship i worked on crashed and im the only survivor and i need to get to kamurocho pleasee give me money how much could one banana cost ? Ten dollars? And kiryus like Oh man, youve been in prison a long time... he says knows he broke out of prison and saejima realises he still let him see his back so that he knows that kiryu means no harm and as they talk saejima understands why hamazaki was so shaken by his encounter with kiryu , he doesnt know that kiryu approached hamazaki without once considering he had a knife clutched in his fist but he saw kiryu flagrantly leaving his back open to a dangerous criminal not because he thinks that saejima cant hurt him but because he trusts that saejima wont hurt him. Kiryu was giving him a chance to redeem himself, but his stomach sinks when he hears that kiryu will only help him if hes going to turn himself in and he tells him, fucking begs him, because he has no other option, either kiryu gives him the money or he takes it from him and kiryu keeps saying no and saejima is losing it a little he casts aside kiryus camaraderie wait look at this

Anyway he is trying to be as scary as possible in order to shake kiryu down but its not gonna work and they start to circle each other, sizing each other up, and with each step saejimas exhaustion and pain fades away, his limp disappears and his heart starts to race because kiryus not fighting him for the sake of it, this is a test he says, saejima has to prove to him how bad he wants that money. He doesnt have to kill them, kiryus giving him an out here, letting him do what he does best and if its a fight he wants then a fight he will get

[dipshit-does-crimes]

so everything is kinda shit right now i have very limited contact with everyone and it’s kinda weird only having my thoughts for extended periods of time and i’ve been spiraling just a little lately but OH MY GOD.

everyone in my family is dying????? i don’t really care, they weren’t that important to me and i don’t remember half their names(and im such a bitch for that) but now everyone in my house is all fucked up and it’s halloween and we’re supposed to have fun making costumes and my mom is supposed to love halloween and. that’s just. not happening anymore! and it’s different and i’m used to everyone liking halloween and i really. fucking hate it. so much actually. my mom used to make all my costumes and she loved doing it and this year she doesn’t! she says she never wants to do it again! and i’m selfish for making her and just bringing up the idea of halloween in the first place so this is going to be my last halloween out because if no one likes halloween anymore then i shouldn’t either. so i’m not doing it anymore. and i hate it and i hate everything but im not doing it.

and also!!! i really just want to tell N about my fucking mental issues because there the only ones meaningful enough to actually be told! but! they’ll force me to get help and i won’t and since this is just an online friendship they can’t do shit. i know that, they know that, and i will use it to my advantage. i can’t go to a mental hospital! or therapy! we don’t have the money! and! asking for help? that’s. impossible. it’s so hard to even think about! and i don’t know how they don’t understand that because they haven’t done anything to fix them either! and! i don’t even know them anymore because i don’t remember anything and it hurts to not remember anything about the person that means the most to you but i! can’t! do! SHIT! about it! there’s never time and there never will be time because they hate me now! they have to! it just wouldn’t make sense for them to not! and if they don’t then they have to be too good to be true because they’re like a god so they can’t be real, not truly. they have to be lying or i’m just messaging myself or every time i’m talking to them it’s some sort of dissociation episode because they aren’t real anymore and they haven’t been for so long! and it hurts oh god it hurts so much

but i’m the funnyjokes person. that’s me! that will always be me! so it doesn’t fucking matter and i can’t tell them anything because they’ll just realise im being selfish and begging for attention and manipulating them because they’ve already said i was once, so what’s stopping them for just accepting it and finally fucking leaving me? nothing! nothing at all! they’re just going to leave and then i’m going to kill myself because i can’t FUCKING HANDLE LIFE WITHOUT THEM. i can’t! i couldn’t and i wouldn’t and i refuse. but they’re drifting. i can tell. i can see it in the way they talk because nothing is true and they aren’t telling the truth about something and they’re probably just fake and not real and just some guy pretending and sharing all my secrets to their friends and having a good fucking laugh at the funnyjokes person losing their goddamn mind! and i have no evidence for any of this! it doesn’t make any sense! they have no reason to do any of that to me or lie or anything but i can’t fucking help it! because what else would have led to this?

they left me! they did, already! when i was at my worst and everything was a blur and it hurt and i started scratching my thighs and now i have a razor and now i can so easily just disappear now and they wouldn’t even notice, but i cant! i fucking can’t be free and i never will be able to! i can’t do that to my family. i can’t and i wont, not right now. not when everyone’s dying. i cant die too. i have to at least make it to 18 or 20 or something and then i can drink myself away and die all i want , but not. right. now. but! they left and it hurts and it hurts so much that they did that and i can’t tell them because then they would feel bad and i would just be manipulating them into caring because i’ve done it before! i can’t be stopped from doing it again! and everything is piling up and im scared of myself and it hurts. it really just hurts. and i’m tired and there’s no motivation and i don’t see my future. but it feels like im being ripped apart from the inside out about this but i cant! tell them! i won’t! i made them worse and worry about me and no one should worry about me, especially not when it’s them! never when it’s them! that day, i promised myself i would always sacrifice myself for them both, no matter the cost. and i will. if it’s the last thing i do, i can make them realize im an awful horrible selfish manipulative bastard of a person and let them finally be free of knowing that im alive. because they shouldn’t have to deal with my shit! i dont listen to them when they say i should get help! and i never fucking will!

but it hurts and i don’t want to anymore and i just want to talk to them but they hate me and im tired and sad and sometimes i dont even feel anything and its so hard to keep up the mask sometimes. but i will. for them, i will. i just wish that i could still live for them like i said i would, but its so much harder than dying for someone. i wish i could die for them. it would be an honour. because everything hurts.

i have a razor now. two of them. i hope my mom isn’t mad when she finds out. i hope she doesn’t waste money on me. i’m not worth it. i’m really just not. i’m not the perfect straight As kid and i’m selfish and i ask for things she doesn’t want to do and she does them anyway because im selfish and i don’t know

i don’t remember most of myself these days. it’s all really foggy

but. everything will be fine. i have an outlet. i can try to live, if not for myself, then because everyone will hate me if i dont. they already do.

i wish it could be easy.

i don’t want to anymore

[shivroyslut]

hello, so i am shifting accounts, woo! well, partially shifting. (if you want to reblog this post, go ahead) long post follows below cut, so a TLDR: i am leaving because i am starting to feel uncomfortable in the cule (reason for discomfort explained below cut). i will still keep this account for reblogging destiel and creative content, but everything else will be in the new account. im not saying the account's name but it isnt too hard to find. please tag @castinkywinky in your creative posts (edits, amvs, art, webweaves, gifs, etc.) or DM them to me. i really do not want to miss them. feel free to DM me other people's posts you find cool as well!! --

the primary reason why i am leaving is because the environment in cule tumblr right now is starting to get hostile. idk if i should, but im just gonna talk about what i am seeing on here that has made me uncomfortable, cause i dont want to be silent:

biphobia, acephobia, people talking over neurodivergent people, people invalidating other people's triggers and being unwilling to cooperate by tagging their posts with warnings, vaguing and ganging up on mutuals (i have seen none of my mutuals partake in these, but i am not online all the time so i cant be sure what happens when i'm offline), and just people being rude and mean. definitely didn't help that a lot of the victims were poc and/or neurodivergent people.

i’ve been lucky to not have directly been involved in any of the conflict that arose, but it is really tough and upsetting to see mutuals’ names get dragged under just for having different and valid opinions on a tv show that ended in 2020. all of this while blogs who purposely started the hate and discourse are getting support, praises, and tractions, and i'm just gonna say it, its because they are very popular among the cule and have a lot of followers. i am unsure if they are unable to grasp the influence they hold or are purposely using it to bully others but idk. also the anonymity of discord channels makes things harder.

i'm not saying i'm a perfect person and i have definitely made mistakes on this account, which i am regretful of. but i am learning and growing and a lot of these people i see seem fixed in their ways. i also do understand that it is human nature that in a power struggle people will most likely stand with the bully, often without even realising that that's what they are doing. really the only option i have in this scenario is to walk away because the rest of us are powerless (i know whatever i say here wont have an impact either, considering i blocked some of the blogs too). i know i can just block and unfollow people, but that hasnt been enough for me. and frankly after spending majority of the day on my new account, my mental health feels much better. (hoping it doesnt get worse after i post this)

anyways, i still want to support everyone's creations so if you make a new amv, art, webweave, etc. feel free to add me to your tag list or DM them to me, cause honestly my prime reason for not deactivating this account is to see creative work in the cule and the fandom. cause you guys are so fucking talented. i still do have a decent following size here, so hopefully reblogging the posts here instead of my new account will bring more traction to the posts.

speaking of my new account, it will not have any destiel content. destiel content shall remain in here alongside fandom creations. but on the new account i will be posting individual character content and content of other ships, including any and all rarepairs (well, within reason). also succession, watcher, muppets, and my other special interests.

i'm not going to link my new account here, just going to say that i'm using the same email for it as the one i use for my jail account, and that the url is also linked in the description of my jail. i have followed some of my mutuals on there already. you are free to ask me for the account name, but just know if you're primarily a destiel account, i may not be following back. we can remain mutuals on this account

i will also still be doing the daily cas posts so follow me @dailycasposts. the post usually come around 10-11am EST (unless i forgot or a mutual asks to post earlier) and i will still be active on discord, so DM me if you want my discord ID. or really, just DM me here if you want to talk, since i have to log on every night to cas post anyways.

that's all i have. so take care everyone, it was fun being active on this account while it lasted. all of you made it so fun and i definitely would not have survived 2021 without this account and the mutuals and friends i have made along the way. i hope to keep in touch with most of you and last reminder to add me (this account) to your tag lists and/or DM me your creative posts !! <33 Mx Stinkywinky

[sailorhyunjinz]

Fwb oh mai

Now cherry make a headcanon or reaction whatever that's called. Where you wanna be fwb with them ig

ALRIGHTYYYY LEGO FWB!

also just realised this after i’ve written the entire thing - this is more like what it is to be fwb with them and not them reacting to you asking it SO SORRY BUT IDK I FELT LIKE THIS IS GOOD ENOUGH,,,, right?~

warnings; fwb relationship, skz x gn!reader, mentions of rough sex, degrading, dom/sub!skz, leashes, cum, explicit photos, aftercare 

Bangchan

hmm,,, nobody wants to hear this but,,, he’d fall in love,,, very quick

he loves everything about you and just cant help his feelings?

very very caring

also SAFE SEX FFS HE AINT TAKING NO RISKS HERE

will never admit that he’s a huge softie for you in bed

all types of sweet nothings in your ears when he softly rolls his hips against yours

very much a giver

want YOU to feel good and pleased, his needs can wait,,,

for a while,,,, until he explodes

comes these times where he’s just fucking ruthless

rutting into you like crazy and cumming on your face OOP-

Minho

mother of god he’s rough

he gives you exactly what you want in bed

whether that’s being rough or soft (but mostly rough)

calls you all types of degrading names during sex

bitch, cocksucker, slut, whore, cumdumpster AND SO ON...

allergic to feelings and so this is perfect for him

but even if he’s rough during sex he’s very much mature and really cares about how you truly are

he’s never gonna see you as just a friend he has sex with 

but a friend he really cares about

lets you put your head on his chest and talk about your feelings :(

Changbin

binniebinnie is a tough one,,,

very passionate 

the sex is always very hot, heated and sweaty

there’s hair and saliva everywhere

will always eat you out or eat your ass IM SORRY BUT I SAID IT

but expects the favor to be paid back yk ;))

i feel like this could go on for A LONG ASS TIME

mostly dom,,,, but wont hesitate to sub 

BUT THATS A SECRET!!!

very unexpected??

randomly hits you up

sometimes in the studio because yk he needs stress relief and so you’re his first pick

OH? YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE HIS ONLY FWB??

honey think again. 

Hyunjin

he loves the idea of it

have sex,,, WITHOUT FEELINGS??

but then he gets his feelings involved DAMNIT

sensitive baby (both physically and mentally)

bruh so whiny if you’re busy or dont feel like it

calls you like 100 times

“y/n~ are you sure you cant make it today~? pleeeeaseeee,,,”

you give in because he’s cute

scratch cute when you’re actually fucking

its either pounding into you for an hour or super cute and he’s very subby

he’d feel comfortable subbing for you and so he loves this relationship 

he can get his needs fulfilled and DAMN HE LOOKS CUTE DOING IT

imagine putting him on a leash, his blonde sweaty hair hanging infront of his wide, glossy eyes :( 

Jisung

the lazy fwb

“come suck my dick” is his texts most of the time

very much like,,, fuck and be done

sure he’d cuddle you afterwards but maybe not too much like aftercare??

but if you tell him he would of course try to implement aftercare in your SEGGSY TIME SESSIONS

he usually just passes out and when he wakes up in the morning you’re already gone lmao

he will text you as soon as he wakes up though!!

“thank you y/n, i’ll buy you food”

100% SENDS DICKPICS

also the dirtiest memes

might accidentally say “i love you” during sex 

Felix

the sweetest boy ever

he really cares about how you’re feeling every time the two of you have sex 

“is this fine?” 

“are you sure? i can stop at anytime you know?”

almost gets annoying sometimes LIKE BOY FUCK ME STOP ASKING QUESTIONS

very touchyyyyy~

hands all over you if he’s on top

caressing your waist, nipples and hips

wants to see your face as well (cause he thinks you’re cute)

same as hyunjin in where he’d feel comfortable to be subby with you

will ask you to ride him a lot :(

because then he can see your pretty face when you cum and your entire upper body is on display for him!!

always cuddles you afterwards ALWAYS!!!

strokes your hair and hears your heart beat in sync with his :((

Seungmin

only reason to why he agreed to this was to get out his pent up stress

shy the first couple of times because he thinks its so odd to like ask you for sexual favors?? 

but he gets used to it pretty quickly ;)))

will make sure that you cum every time

HE AINT LEAVING HIS FRIEND UNSATISFIED

also seems like the type to sext a lot

ya know,,, uses it to masturbate ;)) 

but he doesnt tell you that

instead just sends a pic of his cock, the tip leaking with white 

with some stupid emoji

i feel like he doesnt just randomly text you but instead plans days where the two of you meet up and fuck ahsahsha

he wants you to be totally relaxed and not thinking about something else 

Jeongin

shyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

even if he knows you and you guys were friends before

he’d almost feel guilty??

because he’d be afraid that he’s using you in some way and that you get the wrong impression of him

so he always buys you food and snacks after fucking ashahsa

its a good opportunity for him to both explore what he likes 

but also to gain some sense of control because i have a feeling that he’d be dom most of the time

he’s often the baby is most situations and truth be told,,, he doesnt really like it

TO AN EXTENT

and so when you actually see him as an adult and he sees that you really likes it when he takes control IT MAKES HIM VERY VERY CRAZY 

also very prone to mixing his emotions into this

[dizzyduck44]

Daniel sound waayy too bitter in that article, I liked Daniel outside of the car but lately hes been too much of an old bitter man, I struggle to warm up to him because he was a fucking bully to Lando in late 2020 but I let it pass because he was ass (lol) , he finally admit that he knows what to do, that Lando help him and share what to do with him but he lacks the technical knowledge to immitate him and that is 100% his fault.

I have this belief that one of the reasons nothing worked for him, not the upgrades, his setups and Landos setups is because he doesn't know how to describe whats wrong or which part he is struggling with (apart from the brake, which is his "speciality"), mechanics in every single team he has been had mention his lack of interest and knowledge of the car, the reason he did great in RB was because (this was said by Christian and Marko) he was using Max setups and since both of them formed in the same teams he could keep up until Max begin to make his setups more aggresive. The "I race with vibes" was not a joke.

Daniel lack of interest last year seal his future, like idk if you remember when Andreas (?) commented that Daniel barely did any sin work and that he was barely in the MTC while at the same time calling Lando furniture because he was there too much and then this year Daniel said that he was working really hard and then you read the article and it was just that he was doing sim work 💀.

He really thought mclaren wouldn't dare to fired him and that he was safe. And he still cant admit he at fault for this, he is a grown man with a decade of experience making excuses for driving like a rookie and wont drive in other teams because he thinks he too good like he hasn't driving at the same pace as them 2 years.

I love how detailed this ask is and I’d forgotten about the whole “vibes” thing or the comment about his lack of interest.

Sadly Daniel has brought this on himself. I still maintain if you are a “great” driver you can adapt to anything. All those of his experience have proven they can, Lewis, Seb, Fernando, Valtteri, Carlos, Sergio. Kimi was a master of it.

Meanwhile Lando, threw himself into driving anything the team would let him, George is the same, Max drives different things for fun, Alex did a year of DTM, even Pierre is up for a bit of off roading. They all don’t want to get too comfortable with the one car, just in case.

If I’m being kind, Daniel got blindsided by the generation that came through. 8 or so years ago the karting press were talking about the talent of Max, Charles, George and Lando. People were touting Pierre, Esteban, Nyck, Alex, Lance, Mick for F1. There was so many of them and Daniel acted as though it wasn’t a problem, he had this. But they were all great and F1 bound. They now make up half the grid and he isn’t the number 1 in a team that leans towards him. It too late to see them off now.

Also bless him, Lando was part of the furniture as he was told to come to the factory any time of day or night if his anxiety got too much, so he did. I spoke to a McLaren employee who told me he would just randomly turn up with biscuits and start making tea for people. He discussed with the team about moving to Monaco. He is a complete and utter nerd and absorbs data. Lando actually admitted that was one of the things he worked on, was being able to vocalise how the car felt to his engineers.

Maybe the biggest downfall for Daniel was he was so different to Lando in that respect. He didn’t want to be at the track at midnight going over data. He didn’t want to stay behind to help pack up rather than go back to an empty hotel room. He didn’t love sim work. I don’t know. And let’s be fair, until last year Lewis didn’t want to do any of those things either. He proudly told journalists he did 2 days of sim work a year!

I think Daniel really needs to do some soul searching. I honestly don’t think he realises how many people he has thrown under the bus along the way to end up where he is. Things he’s said about Red Bull, about Renault, now McLaren. I think his comments about Lando will age as well as his comments about Max.

I think ultimately he just wants a to be a racing driver and doesn’t deal well with all the other crap. In some ways he is like Kimi in that respect, but he doesn’t have the career stats or natural god given talent Kimi has (to be fair few do). As I’ve said before, the sad reality is that Lewis or Kimi or I think even Fernando would be doing what Lando is doing and dragging that car into Q3 week in week out, on a wing and a prayer. That’s what Daniel needed to do.

I think he is a little bitter, because he realises this could be it and he’s not ready to go. But wishing for a Jenson Button set up where someone hands you a championship winning car, set up for you, from the start of the season is a fantasy.

[hufflepuffsthunderdome]

First Snow of Winter | D.M

Draco x female!reader

Warnings: none :)

@risingtripletaurus otay so now i have to ask for a draco x reader with draco being all soft for the stereotypical winter things <3 fuck yes I loved writing this! That Remus one you requested will be up soon ;)

Summary: just cute winter Draco being adorable and in love with his girlfriend. Need I say more?

A/N: I’m sorry that the formatting is kinda strange. It could very well just be mine but I have no idea how to fix it.

A soft thud to the side of your head wakes you up with a start, the annoyed groans coming from your roommates and a soft thudding against the dormitory door breaking through the air before you’re eyes have settled to be able to see through the dark. From her bed, your roommate Claire is sitting up her usual smirk plastered on her face, motioning with her hand for the pillow she threw at you.

“Sound’s like lover boy is desperate.”

You look back at her confused, your other two roommates shooting protests her way, clearly annoyed at the disruption of their sleep and her jovial attitude towards it. The soft knocking at the door continues slightly, this time Draco’s quiet whispers sneaking through the cracks in the door, and making your face heat up against the cool night air. You’ve been seeing Draco for over a year now, much to the amazement of everyone around you, including yourselves at times. You were all smiles and helping hands, eager to please everyone around you, to your own detriment at times. And draco. Well Draco wasn’t that. To others, he was gloomy, and moody. A spoiled mummy’s boy who seemed to get everything he wanted at the blink of an eye. But not around you. Around you he was considerate, loving, passionate, even after all this time together, it was the little things he did everyday that made you heart race, that made you fall more and more in love each time you saw him.

The knocking stops, and you can hear the clear dejected sounds of Draco walking away from the door. You’re out of bed as quick as you can, too fast for your body to protest to the cold ground you’re now walking on, away from the barrier of warmth your blanket gave you. Socks, shoes, beanie, gloves, coat, scarf; in that order, all on in a matter of seconds that is honestly impressive the speed you managed, and you’re out the door, creeping down the stairs. You manage to catch Draco, just before he goes to leave the common room and sling your arms around him from behind.

“What are you doing here,” you giggle as he turns around, smattering kisses across your face that leave a soft trail of heat wherever his lips touched. He’s wearing a coat and gloves like you, but has skipped the beanie and scarf. He’s much more equiped for this kind of weather than you’ll ever be, even with your many layers you’re still close to turning to ice.

“I just wanted to see the most gorgeous girl in school,” he smirks, taking your beanie off your head to readjust it properly over your ears, “even when she’s dressed up like a damn marshmallow.”

You both laugh quietly as you embrace in the common room, enjoying the moment of warmth and the heat of the fire. You don’t often get a chance to be alone together, being in different houses, with different friend groups and different responsibilities. It seemed every chance you got to spend a single moment with your loving boyfriend one of you was being whisked away for whatever reason. Honestly if that meant you’d have to wake up in the middle of the night and sneak around just to be able to see each other, neither of you would pass up that opportunity.

“Surely this could’ve waited for tomorrow, it’s freezing and you could’ve gotten caught. I mean how’d you even manage to get up to the dorm? Let me guess, you had your ways?”

Draco lets out a laugh at your comment, you have to put your hand over his mouth so no one possibly wakes up. He takes a hold of your gloved hand loosely, and presses a kiss to the tiny amount of exposed skin at your wrist, “I actually wanted to show you something.”

You walk through the cold halls of Hogwarts wrapped up in each other. Draco has one arm around your shoulder, and the other holding your hand in what he’ll say is an attempt to keep you warm, though he definitely isn’t passing up an opportunity to have you close. He glances down at you, from his tall stature, and cant help the small smile that graces his lips as he listens to you talk. You’re talking about a book you’re reading currently, some muggle book by an author you like that he’s never heard of before, but he cant help but get wrapped up in your passion about it. He’s not good at showing his emotions, to anyone really, but when he’s with you, Draco feels those walls he’s built up slip, and he’s more than willing to let you in.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Your voice teasingly says, breaking him out of his fond thoughts of you as you glance up at him. He feels his heart beat wildly in his chest at the way you look at him. He catches you looking at him like this a lot, like he’s the only thing in the whole world that matters, and each time he does he looses his ability to speak. He can’t even fathom the idea of being loved so much, but the way you talk to him, and look at him, and hold him close, he has no doubt in his mind that you love him just as much as he loves you.

“Just thinking about how much I adore you,” he says softly, stopping walking and pulling you close to him as he kisses you softly, “even when you look like a marshmallow.”

The giddy laugh you let out makes his face flush red, he adores making you laugh more than anything else, knowing he’s the only one who you let see this side of you just as he lets you see the real him makes him pull you into him even closer. “I mean given the time of year wouldn’t snowman be a better fit? It’s gonna start snowing soon after all.”

You look back up and Draco, from where you’re resting against his chest, and see that infamous smirk plastered on his face. “Come on,” he wraps his arms around you again, this time standing behind your body, “your surprise awaits you my love.”

You’re both laughing as you attempt to walk down the hallway in this akward position, your legs bumping into each other, and nearly making you fall over at times, “can I please walk normally?”

Draco’s hand slips up from around your waist to gently place them over your eyes. You wince slightly at his cold hands against your skin, and he laughs softly into your neck, the warm puff of air sending shivers up your spine, “it’ll ruin the surprise my love.”

You don’t know exactly where you are anymore as you continue to let Draco guide you, but you are aware that you are out of the corridors of the castle. You can feel the harsh wip of the air tugging at your clothes as you walk, so you’re fairly certain you’re outside somewhere. Draco’s moves are deliberate, he is guiding you exactly where he wants you and you know he’s definitely hiding something. Draco guides you down a set of stairs, promising he wont let you fall when he sees you tense up at the thought of taking the first step, and you follow his soft hands and calm voice down the flight. You have no idea where you are anymore. You thought you were possibly near the quidditch pitches at first but you know you haven’t walked that far. Draco’s hands guide you to a stop and the air instantly feels 10 times warmer. He pulls his hands away from your face and you gasp at the sight before you.

You’re stood in the back room of the greenhouse, the roof of it open and the doors leading out to the back garden completely open. The plants around you are swaying softly, coated in a small layer of white. It’s only then that you look up and realise it’s in fact snowing. Beyond the slight, glowing orange boarder that is encapsulating the greenhouse, which you’re sure is a charm of some description to make it feel like spring where you’re standing, small, soft specs of white are falling from the sky, seemingly travelling a slow motion as they descend to the ground. Despite the warmth in the greenhouse, the small specs of snow are still able to get inside, landing softly on the ground, and adding to the piles of snow already there, unmelting. There’s a large picnic blanket set up on the floor, and a basket to go with it overflowing with foods and sweets of a wide variety. You gasp and turn to smack your boyfriend in the chest lightly, “I was looking for that basket and blanket the other week.” He gives you a teasing grin back as you poke your tongue out at him; it was about three weeks ago when your friend came looking for you, asking to borrow your picnic things so her and her boyfriend could have lunch near the black lake. Tears start to well up in your eyes at the thought of your boyfriend planning this for that long, and you turn and engulf him in a hug.

“I’m glad you like it,” he gently kisses the top of your head as you stand their embracing one another.

“I can’t believe you did this for me.”

“Well,” he begins, pulling away from you to twirl a piece of your hair in between his fingers, “partly for you. Mostly for the snow.”

You’re mindlessly chatting away with Draco as you’re laid together on the blanket. You’ve eaten more than either of you thought possible, and are enjoying the warmth of the greenhouse and the beauty of the snow around you. Draco is talking about all the constellations you two can see in the stars above, his finger dragging carelessly over your collarbone, “and do you know what that one is?”

You stare up the stars he pointing to, turning your head slightly as you squint to try to make out the shape. “It looks like a kite,” you say without even thinking, and Draco starts to howl with laughter beside you.

“Way to ruin my attempt to be cute,” he chuckles, rolling over so he’s on his elbows above you, glancing down at you, “that’s Delphinus, it’s a dolphin, it means love.”

You lean up and press you lips to his, hand reaching up to gently cup his face as he leans further into the loving kiss. When you pull away he leans further into your palm, eyes still shut, “I appreciate your cuteness but there’s no way in hell that’s a dolphin.” You both start laughing at that, an uncontrollable kind of laughter, at what was barely a joke. You stand up, pulling him up with you and towards the exit of the greenhouse, “let’s go build a snowman.”

What you imagine to be a picture perfect moment, entering the snow with your lover in tow, quickly sours again as the second you leave the warmth of the charm Draco made, a series of gasped ‘fuck, fuck, fuck,” leave your mouth as you remember why you don’t do the cold. “Aww are you cold love?” Draco teasing with that charming smirk on his face. You nod back at him, wrapping yourself up in your arms to attempt to warm your body, “come here love.” You walk into his open arms, enjoying the few seconds of fleeting warmth he gives you before you feel the cold harsh breeze slipping through the back of your coat, and a handful of snow following it.

You gasp, jumping away from Draco as you shake in a poor attempt to rid your body of the cold wet substance that is trapped against your back, “Draco!”

Draco’s bent over with his hands on his knees, wheezing with laughter. Despite your annoyance you yourself have to bite your lip to stop yourself from giggling too, furrowing your brows and sticking your lip out slightly. You huff and turn your attention away from Draco, a sneaky hand movement hidden from his view making a small ball of snow magically form and hide it near your folded arms. “Aww Im sorry baby,” draco mumbles as he walks over to you, “I was just joking.”

You hide the smirk on your face as you turn into his loving embrace, wrapping your arms around him and just as he did to you, tossing a handful of snow down his shirt. He lets out the highest pitched squeal you’ve heard from him, and you’re in a fit of giggles as he too is left shaking his coat. He looks over at you with a challenging stare, and you just poke your tongue out at him through your giggles.

“Oh is that how it’s gonna be huh?” You barely have a chance to move before he’s dashing towards you, chasing you through the snow. In normal circumstances you may have had a chance, but with your heavily layered getup and the thick layer of snow covering the ground, you proved no match for Dracos long legs and he’s scooping you up from the ground. “In normal circumstances I’d be tickling you now, but this,” he says, playing with the button of your coat, “makes that damn impossible.”

“Oh what a shame,” you say, drawing out the syllables as you wiggle around in his grasp, “I’m heartbroken you can’t tickle me.”

“Ooooh,” Draco chides, “the sass is strong today I see.” You giggle lightly as he tightens his grasp on you pulling you in for a soft kiss.

A soft movement below your head, and the warm sunlight streaming in from somewhere to your left woke you from your peaceful slumber. Below you is the unmistakable feeling of Draco’s bed, Draco’s bod below you as his arms are wrapped lazily around you. You don’t remember coming up here last night, the end of your night a slight blur as conversations you were having with Draco drifted back into memory.

The hair around your forehead moves slightly as Draco softly pushes it out of your face. He threads a soft hand through it, and you lean further into his chest, feeling your cheeks warm up as he presses a soft kiss to your head.

“Good morning darling.”

You let out a grumble back, possibly a good morning back, possibly a sound of annoyance at having to wake up; you’re barely sure yourself in your half woken state.

“Did you have fun last night?”

You can hear the nerves creep into his voice, it shakes ever so slightly the way it does when he gets insecure. You wish you could take away his insecurities, but you know no matter how much you tell him you love him that voice will always be there. “Of course I did Draco, it was perfect,” you say back, sincere even in your sleepy state, willing to reassure him as much as he needs, “you’re perfect.”

Draco’s hand stops moving from where it was slightly threading through your hair, moving his hand down towards your chin in a silent question that you move your head up. You do as he wants, facing him and smiling softly at his bed head and red flushed face as you kiss him.

You snuggle back into his chest, “it’s cold, can we stay in bed today?”

“Of course darling.”

[curious-menace]

Can you do headcanons of any Riddler getting cared for and gentle kisses from reader after getting beat up? He needs some loves.

SO I MAY HAVE SUGGESTED THAT MY ULTIMATE FANTASY IS TO GIVE RIDDLER A HUG WITH BACKRUBS AS HE TELLS ME ABOUT HIS DAY AND I STAND BY THAT WHOLE-HEARTEDLY .

i freaking love this stuff so im going to do all of them mwahahah

post asswoop riddlers getting loves

Arkham riddler

He’s VERY quiet, which knowing him and his inability to stop talking, is  bad news.

I paint arkham riddler as a cry baby and i stand by that. this is the hill i will die on. He’ll have dragged his sorry ass into your apartment or house , dripping blood on your floors but he wont bother calling for you. he’ll just sit at the table with his head in his hands having a lil pity party until you find him.

when you do finally get home, he’ll be looking like a kicked puppy. he’s gotten stuck in his own head, mentally beating himself up even more. he got a fright when you came in because he was so caught up he didn't even hear you at the door.

He’s literally sits there like a child with his arms up for you to come scoop him up. he’s not even sure why his first thought after getting beat up was to come here, he’s probably lead the cops here or something and that was so stupid and- you should probably give him a lil soft smooch on the head to stop him before he goes into a spiral.

he needs more emotional and mental care than physical. Talk to him while you're patching him up. any topic, it doesn't matter just keep him focused on your voice and not the one in his head calling him dumb.

he wont admit he wants to be held and coddled after something like this. get your softest blankie and 2 mugs of coco with marshmallows and just ramble at him. tell him about your day or ask him to explain something boring and complicated so he’s focusing on that rather than how upset he is. let him sit on your lap or between your legs on the sofa and watch how its made or mythbusters or something until he falls asleep. he should be ok again in the morning, he doesnt stay down for long. 

Blacklight Riddler

He’s used to getting his ass kicked, either by batman, the other rogues or once he’s a PI, by unhappy clients and the people he put away. He might be tiny but he’s pretty tough. 

even if he’s really hurting, his probably trying to crack jokes and tell blood and bruise related riddles. He doesn't like to see you worry so even if he’s in a lot of pain or a bit upset about things, he’s trying to make you smile.

he likes kisses on his bruises. even if he just banged his hand on the table he’ll come to you because he wants you to kiss it better. 

He’s a decent fighter, unlike a lot of riddlers who couldnt fight their way out of a paper bag. He can throw punches but he lacks in defence and with his bad knee, dodging can be a little hard. even if he wins the fight he’s still likely to need you to patch him up.

He likes kids plasters. like hello kitty and spongebob. no im not joking, he ALWAYS wanted them when he was little and his parents always said no. now he’s an adult he’s going to use them whenever he damn well pleases.

 if it was a particularly bad one, he’ll be ok in the moment even if he has to go to hospital. But he’s going to drop the facade at some point and let you see how upset he is. winding up in hospital after being beat was a common occurrence in childhood. even after doing it time and time again as an adult it doesn't make it any easier on him. he’ll want to stay in your bed, be close to you for few days until either he starts to heal or something snaps him out of his funk.

BTAS Riddler

he really prefers other people to do the fighting for him. well physically anyway. he can handle his own arguments...most of the time. He’s going to need you to nurse a bruised ego more than anything. he probably got dunked on my batman or crane and now he’s huffing.

i don't know if this counts as care and kisses but he clearly needs you around to keep his sorry ass alive. he hurt his side in a fight once and said he wasn't hurt. believable... until he started to act a little confused, a little dizzy. needless to say it worried you enough to take him to emergency care. 

He was obviously in agony by now but he was still fighting with you the entire drive there, insulting you and insisting he was fine. its a good job you took him when he did, turns out he’d ruptured his spleen and would probably be dead if you weren’t around to act like his common sense.

he still hasnt apologised for that. or any of the other times you insisted on medical care to stop him from pushing up daisies. he just pretends like you know he’s grateful so he doenst have to admit he’s bullheaded, stubborn and worst of all, wrong. 

if he has been seriously hurt, he acts more indignant about it than anything. he wants to be waited on and pampered while resting in bed. he can be a genuine pain to deal with, talking about how lucky you are to see him in such a vulnerable state and how you should be grateful he’s letting you do this for him.

He doesn't want to admit how much he actually needs you. his goons wont put up with him when he’s like this and he’s freaking paying them to do it. you do it for free and no matter how annoying he is you havent left him yet. he doesn't tell you but youve noticed he starts getting you more gifts about a week after he’s recovered. like its taken him a day or two to work out he should probably thank you for all you do.

Original Riddler

this riddler is just weird. like he gets a freaking hang nail and he pretends like he’s dying. but he could nearly lose a limb and he’ll say “tis but a scratch” and still try to hobble about like nothing is wrong.

actually he’s more like olaf “oh look i've been impaled.”. he probably tries to laugh off life threatening injuries like its nothing, taking maybe 3 steps before he collapses on his face in a blood puddle and lets out a tiny “help”

good luck moving his tall lanky ass around. better get a gurney and maybe those vets at the zoo who deal with giraffes. seriously if you want to take care of him you are going to need help or some sort of action plan and a go bag because with his limp butt this will not be easy.

he’s kinda like BTAS riddler in that he needs you to tell him the injury is serious. hes not dumb he just has a high pain threshold and genuinely doesn't realise that injuries are as bad as they are. 

he can be a bit of a baby while being patched up. he doesn't like a lot of blood or gore, it makes him feel a little sicky. better give him your phone to play with like a kid at the doctors or put the tv on for him to watch while you bandage  him. word of warning, he will pass out or throw up if you try to give him stitches.

i think you should focus your love and attention on him AFTER medical care. just focus on the job, be silent and as fast as possible to get it over with quickly. you should probably bring him something sweet too. no not just you, although you are sweet for looking after him. give him something sugary because he’s going to be light headed after seeing any blood. maybe you could give him a lolly for being a good patient. 

Telltale riddler

this riddler is essentially a metahuman. he can REALLY take a beating and bounce back fairly quickly. just look how many times batman punched him in the face and it barely stunned him! he doesnt usually need patched up after a fight. maybe just a lil smooch and some hugs

he did really need your help after the whole pact thing. having his friends abandon him hurt like hell, more than any physical injury ever could.

after that, he clings to you. almost obsessively so; we know he’s got some serious mental illnesses but he usually has the worst of it under control, even without meds. now? it seems like he’s experiencing ptsd and is afraid to go anywhere without you, like you might up and disappear if you arent in his line of sight at all times.

i think this riddler might need the most intense care from you. hugs and gentle reassurance wont be enough. you’re going to be responsible for taking him to therapy, keeping him taking his meds and grounding him to reality. this is the kind of responsibility you took on when you got involved with him but i doubt you realised how hard it would be. i cant promise it will all be worth it but i can promise he wont ever forget your kindness.

the kind of care he needs after such a hard knocking down is just stability. im not one for romance or any mushy gushy stuff but please just pour your love into the cracks in this poor mans soul.

its hard going, but he has his moments. his gallows sense of humor is still there and hey, after him being in and out and gone for so long, it might be nice to have him around more.  

Zero year riddler

INSUFFERABLE LITTLE SHIT THIS ONE. he could LITERALLY be bleeding out in your arms and he’d STILL be backseat driving on your medical skills. the temptation to just leave him there to bleed is INCREDIBLE.

he’ll drop the act eventually. he’ll ask and maybe even beg for your help. man has  no shame and all the self preservation instincts of a lemming. dont get me wrong, he can be a total coward some times, only looking out for himself . but when he’s actually hurt ? not a fuckin clue. does this head wound need an ice pack or heat pack? is this spurring blood wound worthy of medical care? no idea. he was a very sheltered child who never got so much as a bruise so he has no idea what to do when he’s hurt.

he gets the everloving shit kicked out of him on a clockwork basis. like you could hear knocking on your door at 3 am and already be at the table with a first aid kit like oh its tuesday riddler must have broken his nose.

he takes entirely too much joy in making you patch him up. youre starting to wonder if he’s doing it on purpose just to see you in your little apron and latex gloves . he’s getting off on this and you know it but god help you, you just  cant resist his dumb face asking for your help and would you also wear this pink nurses outfit while youre at it?

one time he lost a LOT of blood. he would be fine but he was pretty damn loopy from lightheadedness. while you were trying to get him into bed to rest he started flirting with you. can you believe the audacity? he’s lost 3 pints of blood and he’s still more focus on his libido? 

he’s actually going to be both humble and grateful for your help when he finally comes round. dont get me wrong, he’s still a bit of a prick but at least he says thank you for saving him before he demands you kiss all his booboos and ouchies. 

nonnie i am having a stroke. i was trying SO hard to just pick one but i COULDNT because i am WEAK for hurt and comfort.

theres a reason i have a tag that literally says “i have naughty hands and no self control”

someone needs to stage an intervention

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

[brelione]

The Countertop (Topper,Rafe,Kelce X Reader)

The Best Boys Masterlist

When Rafe got the text he was in the bathroom of the yacht,blood coming from his nose as he stuffed the small bag of white powder back into the pocket of his khakis.He heard the ding,looking over to check the notification.He felt his heart drop,regretting the line he just did. 

“Panic attack,(Y/N)’s house.”Was all the text said.Topper had sent it to the group chat with him,Kelce and Rafe.Rafe cursed,looking up in the mirror at his bloodshot,dilated eyes.He certainly couldnt help you,not when he was like this.He pinched his nose for a moment or two,letting it drip into the sink before he rinsed it down the drain,leaving the bathroom and putting his phone in his pocket.

He looked around at the groups of people,eventually finding Wheezie and gripping her shoulders. “I need you to cover for me.”He told her,completely serious.She frowned,looking over at Ward. “Where are you going?”She asked.He sighed,looking over the side of the huge boat to look at the Jet Ski that was tied by a thin rope. “(Y/N) needs help.”Was all he said,quickly thanking her before running down the flights of stairs to get to the lowest floor,gripping onto the railing and getting onto the jetski.

He tucked his phone into the pocket of his shirt,ripping the rope before gliding through the water as fast as possible,guessing on how to get to your house.He knew how to get to his house,at least.So thats where he ended up.He got onto his own dock,sprinting around the front of his house and getting into his truck,going way too far over the speed limit.

He pulled into your driveway,slamming on the brakes so he wouldnt crash into your garage.His door was opened before the truck was even parked,seeing Kelce’s car parked on the sidewalk.Rafe burst through your door,heart aching when he saw you sobbing,Kelce trying to talk to you while Topper rubbed your bare back. “What the hell happened?”He asked,not even understanding the situation.

You opened your mouth,trying to talk but only a sob came out,Topper pulling you back to him and tracing shapes along yout arm,whispering sweet nothings to you to try and help.He sent a glance towards Rafe,shaking his head.Rafe closed the door,sitting on the arm of the couch,slowly stealing you away from Topper and moving onto the couch,letting you squeeze him as tight as you needed too and he could feel your shallow breaths through his shirt.

Kelce was watching you,watching as the tears stopped falling,your eyes puffy and your bottom lip trembling.Rafe felt your grip on him becoming less tight,too weak to do squeeze him.He didnt move his arm away from you,knowing that if you were ready to let go you would push away from him. “What’s going on,princess?”He asked softly,careful to make sure his voice didnt come out harsh or shaky.

You gulped,licking you lips that tasted like salt and metal. “I hate my mom.”Was all you could say,your voice cracking.He nodded,kissing your forehead. “I know,baby.I know.”He answered,taking in a big breath.You huffed,pulling away from him,wiping your eyes with the back of your hands. “So how are you guys?”You asked,struggling not to cry again.

Kelce grinned slightly,squeezing your hand. “Im good,sweetheart.Do you want to talk about whats happening with your mom or do you want to be distracted by it?”He asked,tapping at your knuckles.You shrugged,feeling more sick than anything. “Okay,well why dont we go out to the pool so you can cool off then?”He suggested.You nodded,not fully away from Rafe yet.

Something was off with him.His hair looked like he had been pulling at it and he was more tense than usual,seeming like he was holding something back. “Um...you and Top have bathing suits upstairs.”You mumbled,your hand gripping the fabric of Rafe’s shirt.Topper nodded,tapping your ankle before he got up,Kelce giving you a small smile before going upstairs as well.You pulled away from Rafe,feeling your legs becoming tingly and your heart speed up,eyes watery. 

“Are you high right now?”You asked,a few tears sliding down your cheeks.He swallowed,looking away from you,eyes widening as he realised that he had just given himself away. “Rafe-you drove here high?”You asked,your voice high,eyes stinging.He nodded,not able to look back at you. 

“Jesus Christ-are you crazy?You couldve crashed or died or killed someone!I cant lose you-I cant fucking do it and mom is fucking gone and-and if I lose you what the fuck am I supposed to do?I dont understand why-I dont understand why you cant just-fuck.”You sniffled,trying to figure out what you were going to say.He looked up at you,feeling a lump in his throat. 

“You needed me here so I did what i had to do.”He answered,reaching for your hand only for you to pull away from him. “I hate you.”You mumbled,sniffing.His jaw dropped,a wave of nausea hitting him. “You cant mean that.”He whispered.Of course you didnt mean that.You could never hate Rafe even if you really wanted too. “You might fucking overdose or something.”You whispered,wanting nothing more than to cup his face and kiss him,tell him all your thoughts and twirl his fingers in your hair.

He shook his head,glancing over at the staircase every couple of seconds. “I wont,I wont.I dont do that much.”As the words came from his mouth he realised just how bad they sounded. “Bullshit.What happened in my bathroom then?That looked like a lot to me.”You took in a big breath,trying not to let yourself spiral again.

He just stared at you,hearing the other boys coming down the stairs. “We can talk about this later,okay?”He asked,leaning forward slightly.You nodded,looking over to see Topper and Kelce in their blue and grey bathing suits.Kelce stared at Rafe,silently telling him to go get changed.Rafe nodded,prying his eyes off of you and getting off the couch,heading upstairs.

Kelce sat down across from you where Rafe had previously been,his hands in his lap. “Do you need an ibuprofen or a hug?”He asked.You swallowed,leaning forward and resting your head against him,your arms around his bare shoulders. “THis sucks.”You mumbled,closing your eyes.He nodded,running his pointer finger along your spine. “I know,I know.Things will get better though.”He answered,his hands holding both sides of your head as he placed a kiss against your hairline.

You got up eventually,going upstairs to your room to grab a bathing suit,colliding your fist against the wood out of anger.Anger towards your mom,anger towards yourself,anger towards Rafe’s addiction.Rafe stood in the door way,confused as to what the loud bang he had heard was.You didnt notice him,throwing the clothes from your drawers all over the room,smacking the top of your dresser,your jaw clenching.

You brought your arm back to punch the wood again,only for someone to grab your arm,spin you around and push you against your dresser. “You have to calm down.”He whispered,holding tight on your wrists.You avoided eye contact,glancing down at his bare chest. “I am calm.”You replied,pushing him away as you went to find the one peice bathing suit that you had thrown across the floor.

He was just glad that you werent as bad now as you had been the last time he watched you get like this.You had started to punch yourself in the thighs and ankles until they were bruising.He had to pin your hands on top of your head and beg you to calm down.It had scared the living shit out of him.He probably couldve handled it better but Kelce wasnt there to talk to you which left just him to take care of things.

You finally found the black sim suit,not even caring at this point,tearing off your pants and kicking them into the corner.Rafe bit his lip,forcing himself to turn around.He heard the straps of the bathing suit smack against your shoulder,walking up next to him to grab a tshirt from your drawer and pull it on over the bathing suit,leaving your room and not bothering to clean up the mess that you had made.

He looked around your room,deciding he could just clean it up for you later.He followed behind you,noticing that the boys had already gone out to the pool. “Hey,lets talk.”He spoke,stopping you as you walked through the kitchen. “What?What do you want to talk about?”You asked,leaning against the kitchen counter.He sighed,his hands on the marble countertop o either side of you,staring down at you.

 “Whatever you want.I’ll answer whatever you want me to.”He replied.You nodded,thinking of everything you wanted to know.  “Whatever I want?”You asked.He nodded.“Have you….god,I dont know.Have you ever like….hurt someone when you were high?”You asked,knowing the answer when he started to bite the inside of his cheek. “Yeah,I have.I’d never hurt you though,if thats what your asking.”His hands tightened around the marble,watching as you bit your lip.

 “What about Top and Kelce?Have they ever done drugs?”You asked,nearly gasping when you saw him nod. “Did you make them do it?”You asked,dreading the answer. “I didnt force them to do it...Kelce only did it once and he only did one line.Top did three a couple months back.”Rafe answered,being as honest as he could with you. 

“When did it get this bad?You used to only do one line a week and now you’re doing like,a line a day.”You instinctively sat on the countertop,barely any space between you two.He cleared his throat,not knowing what to say because he didnt want to send you back into panic. “I know,im trying to get better.I’ve never done it in your house,like ever.You know that.”He reminded you,keeping his distance.

He figured that if he touched you at all you’d become insecure or angry,swat his hand away and probably begin to cry again. “Im not mad at you,you know that,right?”You asked,feeling your nose start to run again.You quickly pulled up your shirt,pinching your nose with the fabric.He nodded,tapping his short finger nials on the marble counter.The conversation went on for probably five minutes before the big question came,the one that you had been dreading.

 “Do you have any on you right now?”You asked,not even caring at this point.When the conversation began and you hadnt been shocked by any of his answers you probably wouldve been upset when he nodded.You werent upset,or shocked or even mad.Just numb. “I thought you were out on the boat,”You saw him frown,not understanding where you were going with this. “So how did you drive here?”You asked.He simply shrugged his shoulders,staring down at his feet.

 “I jumped off the side and got on the jet ski.”He answered,making you smile slightly. “You got onto the jetski and then drove over here?”You asked,your hand sliding down his arm and your fingers intertwining with his.He became less tense,his other hand no longer gripping the marble so hard that his fingertips were turning purple. “Yeah,I just peaced out.”He laughed quietly,his forehead resting onto your collarbone.You licked your lips,legs wrapping around his waist comfortably.

If only you knew the things that he felt within him when you did that. “Hey,”You mumbled,making him pick up his head a bit. “Do you….do you remember when you kissed me?”You asked,feeling him tense under you,his head moving off of your collarbone,staring down at you. 

“Yeah.”He answered.You nodded,hands ending up in your lap. “Did you tell Kelce?”You asked,not even understanding why you had asked that.Kelce had always been extremely important to you.He was the one person you could trust with your insecurities or ask him for coping mechanisms.Now you were starting to wonder if maybe you had a thing for Kelce.

Everyone was making you question your feelings and your sanity. “I mean,I kind of had too.You know how he is,he figures shit out by body language and he knows when something is going on.I dont even know,hes the only one that ever payed attention to Criminal Minds,im not even gonna lie to you.”he replied,biting his lip as he waited for your reaction,only to hear the sliding door open.

His head whipped around,seeing Kelce standing there with water dripping from him. “Are you guys okay?Its been like ten minutes since you’ve changed.”Kelce looked over at you,more specifically the position you were in with Rafe practically on top of you. 

“Yeah,yeah we’re fine.I was just talking about life.”You slowly got off the counter,flicking at Rafe’s thigh as you slid past him and walked by Kelce,going to sit in the shallow end of the pool.Kelce watched you,positive you couldnt hear as he entered the house,closing the sliding door and glaring at Rafe. “Did you say something to her?”He asked.

Rafe shook his head,attempting to walk past him only for Kelce to put a hand on his shoulder and hold him in place. “Why does she look more upset than she was ten minutes ago?”He asked,pushing further. “Because she found out that im high and got mad about it.We talked it out and now everything is fine,okay?”Rafe nodded a bit,sliding the door and walking out of the house,Kelce sighing.

Things were getting messy and he was always the one to hold things together.But now he wasnt even sure if he wanted to do that anymore.He stood in your house for a couple more minutes,finally putting a smile on his face and walking back out,seeing Topper kneeling in front of you and splashing water into your face.

You were squealing at the cold water,grabbing Topper by his wrists and pushing him back into the water,his hair becoming soaked and sticking to his forehead. “YOU BITCH!”Topper shouted,throwing you over his shoulder and running through the water and into the deep end,your legs wrapping around him tight so he’d go down with you.

Rafe grinned at your laughing,you rubbing your eyes and slicking your hair back out of your face.Kelce was tense,trying to soften up again but between Rafe’s smirk as he watched you,Topper holding you and the face that so much was happening was making him a bit mad.He stuck his feet in the pool,not paying attention to much except for the clouds that were moving at sloths pace.

He felt two warm hands wrap around his shins,trying to drag him into the water.He grinned,kicking his feet and forcing you to let go. “You’re no fun.”You pouted,elbows on his thighs as you stared up at your friend.He grinned,shrugging at he ringed the water from your hair. “You seem like you’re in a mood,whats up?”You asked,ignoring Rafe’s stare. “I dunno,kind of just stressed.”He answered,holding onto your hands as he moved his feet in circles underwater.

 “Did you eat today?”You deepened your voice,grinning as he flicked you on the head. “Shut up.”He smiled,licking his lips. “Do you want to have a movie night tonight?I kind of just want to forget about things,you know?”You asked,tapping your fingers on his chest.He nodded,agreeing. “What movie do you want to watch?”He asked,helping you out of the pool so you could sit next to him.

 “I dont know,maybe a horror movie.I feel like it’ll get my mind off of reality.”You replied,squinting as the sunlight hit your eyes,not aware of the silver car that had just pulled into your driveway,someone walking right into your house as you sat at the pool with your friends.

@sweetlittlegingy​    @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @newsies-yeet​ @butgilinsky @jjjmaybank @gracelovesbroadway  @one-stella @outerbongs  @copper-boom​  @httpstarkey​ @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl​  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee​  @on-socks-off​ @spn-marvel-nerd​ @i-love-scott-mccall 

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[babysizedfics]

romans teethers

after my latest fic pink crayons and pinky promises we saw that roman chews his toothbrush

but as u can see in the fic, it hurts romans gums and is generally bad for his teeth, thats why the cgs are all so adamant he not do it, but roman disobeys anyway... so logan and patton tried to get him to try chewelry instead

but the wood ones hurt romans teeth and make him feel weird, and he thinks the silicon ones are too squeaky, so he doesnt really like any of them :( but he pretends to choose one to get his cgs to stop pestering him about it

then one time at a sibling sleepover, roman is chewing his toothbrush again and complains about the chewlery not feeling good to vee

and vee suggests she has a baby teether that she hardly ever used bc shes too much of a baby to chew things when shes regressed

roman is pretty embarrassed that she even suggested it but vee says its okay but he can always ask her again if he changes his mind....

then a couple hours later roman asks if he can see it..

he is embarrassed bc it is obviously made for babies, its colourful and waterfilled, but he keeps fidgeting with it and squeezing it as they talk and he WANTS to chew it but he doesnt want to look like a baby especially in front of his baby sister

and vee is so sensitive to other ppls emotions she understands - so she grabs her dummy and suckles it while they chill and watch a cartoon

and then a few minutes in roman feels safe enough to try the teether and he rlly likes it 😭😭🥺🥺

he uses it when they have sleepovers a couple more times but ONLY if vee is half little and using her dummy - and everytime roman promises he will wash it and return it the next day but then vee tells roman he can keep it she doesnt use it at all

so roman starts using it in his own time too

but its meant for babies!! and roman isnt a baby of course!! so he keeps it a secret and asks vee not to tell anyone about it which she of course agrees to

then the way the caregivers find out....

when logan was getting roman into his jammies one night, he was wrestling romans arm out of his sleeve - then he hears a sudden CLACK and romans eyes went wide and they both look down to see the teether has fallen out of romans sleeve onto the bed

and logan was about to smile and ask if roman likes using it but as soon as he saw romans face bright red and tearful he realised "oh no ..." then roman literally started shoving him out of his room hysterically yelling GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

before logan could say a single word he was pushed out of the room and roman slammed the door

but logan spoke a little thru the door "its alright, roman, im not going to say anything about it. But please know that theres nothing wrong with what i jsut saw. i dont know if youre still little right now, but please come and get me if you need anything at all. i'm going to be in my room okay?"

logan just waits ... then heard a small sniffle and eventually: "......okay"

the next day logan and patton did gently talk to roman to try to get through this misplaced shame but they didnt find much success. roman was so embarrassed and closed off during the talk they hardly got anywhere with it, roman was just pouting and blushing the whole time

because he doesnt want it to be a big deal! he just wanted smth to make his mouth feel good and he HATES that he feels so insecure abt it - he KNOWS that its not smth thats rlly so mortifying but it FEELS mortifying and the fact that he cant make that feeling go away makes him feel even more powerless

roman is still embarrassed to use his teether after this conversation even with all of his cg's reassurance that it doesnt make him a baby - until one day he is upset with his mommy and tearfully asks if he can get his teether (logan of course helps him fetch it and dutifully doesnt point out how roman hides it in his sleeve as he chews it and sits in logans lap)

in general roman doesnt like using his teether around people at first

around vee its okay but ONLY if she is half regressed or fully regressed and not aware of that much

he outright refuses to use it around his nana because its too embarrassing, and he wont use it with his daddy either bc hes worried patton will baby him

((alrhought since both janus and patton like getting everyone presents, they DO sometimes see teethers they know roman will like and buy them - but they always always give them to logan first so that logan can give them to roman so that they dont embarrass him 😭))

side note these are romans teethers

roman is a little shy to use it around his mommy at first but is the most comfortable with him. he can happily chew his teether with logan within a few weeks but he still much prefers hiding his face or the teether while he does and is v shy about talking abt it

logan never ever is like 'do u need ur teether' bc thats TOO babyish sounding for roman so he just does it wordlessly OR HES LIKE "sweetheart, do you want your blue bear?"

then roman blushes and fidgets and says "um... please can i have the red monkey please?" rlly quiet and logan just nods and doesnt make it a big deal and he goes to get roman his teether

AND waaahhh and he might walk past patton in the kitchen while he's getting romans teether from the fridge.. and patton sees logan getting the teether and they dont say anything bc it would be disrespectful to romans wishes but they do share lil soft smiles

also !! 🥺 i kinda think roman might be comfy using it around jamal eventually.... because he knows jamal never sees him as a baby and jamal already told him it would be okay if roman used pacifiers, so roman figures using a teether is definitely okay. jamal has just managed to seriously break through romans barriers of shame and its so good for them

but even with logan or jamal if he uses it then he faces away from them or keeps the teether hidden behind his hand or in his sleeve while he uses it

but he does eventually in the future get to a point where he will be able to use it openly in fromt of all the family, just like imagine the teether hangin out his mouth while he colours a picture for nana and his feets kicking behidn him and a bit of drool drips onto the page from him chewing it HAJDJJSJSJS

pattons like "hes grown so much :')" and logan is like "yes he is far more emotionally mature now"

meanwhile janus is eyeballing the drool like "...... if you say so"

[ahwait-no-yes]

so basically my friend told me today about her dream she had that involved a demon and of course my mind went “...SAIOU AU”

here’s our convo so it makes sense:

if I had the motivation i would DEFINITELY write a fic about this- the fluff/crack/angst potential is t h e r e

and as a bonus doodle,

story is under the cut (it’s long)

“I was gonna keep this in tags but hsdf;j” is what I originally wrote here until I started thinking about this more and sorta wrote the whole plot-

-> as ouma’s killing the other monster things he flirts with shuuichi while the poor demon has never been flirted with so he’s stood there all confused and ??? (his version of blushing would be like, the fire coming from his small horns gets bigger and brighter)

-> the one he summons ends up being like. kaede and they both just end up having to lecture shuuichi on why it is that he should not want to die so easily

-> eventually kokichi and kaede wanna give him a hug so they try to but shuuichi’s Extra Hot™ (from being a demon and also probably blushing) so they both immediately regret that choice but kokichi laughs and gives an obligatory pun about shuuichi being hot which only confuses him because ‘of course im hot?? im a demon??’ while kaede explains what ouma meant

-> imagine shuuichi crying (fire tears..) at the generosity of these two strangers who a) aren’t absolutely terrified of him, b) refuse to hurt him and c) actually *want* to help him and ouma actually inwardly understanding a little bc he’d never imagine someone actually wanting to be with himself either

-> saihara now wanting to know what it’s like to live as a human with ouma and akamatsu but being unable to find a way (except for maybe being undercover?) but promising he’ll bring ouma back to him (he’s aware of the whole aging phenomenon in the lil demon world so he wants to keep their time short) and ouma finding that now he has something to look forward to

-> the 👏 mutual 👏 pining 👏 that commences after they both have to leave each other (if kaede knows kokichi in the real world she’d definitely tease him a little knowing he has a crush- this is probably good potential for building oumaede friendship)

-> it takes a while before ouma and saihara can see eachother again because getting the two to escape without killing saihara exerted a lot of energy on him, but they do get to! about once a month to be safe, and they get to know stuff about eachother like which shops ouma likes to steal from and shuuichi’s really loud demon friend he once had (aka momota)

-> one day though saihara tells ouma that if he keeps doing this he’ll die of exhaustion (it takes a lot of energy from saihara to get ouma in and out of there) and ouma calling him an idiot but really being worried. saihara tells him not to worry about him even if something happens to him, and makes ouma go back to the real world

-> ouma doesn’t hear from him after that

-> he worries he might have been killed or saihara forgot about him and feels stupid for being so hopeful in something so childishly impossible and starts trying to forget about him

-> the real world is aware of demons cause people talk about them (and obvs you can tell when someone’s gone to their.. dimension thing because you can visibly see them age) so still denying that he’s curious and likes saihara still, ouma tries to go to libraries and do his own research on demons and ends up finding out that saihara specifically comes from a bloodline that makes him quite powerful if not for that he wouldnt want to take the risks that come with it and then lowkey gets excited again for saihara while still in ✨denial ✨

-> it’s been almost a year when saihara has enough energy (and more) to ensure that his new plan is successfully carried out and that ouma (and potentially 1 more..) gets back to the real world safely. he created this plan when he figured out how to exist in the real world- by sacrificing the thing he cares most about

-> so when ouma suddenly gets that off-feeling people get when they’re leaving the real world he feels very many emotions at once (giddily going ”ohh my god its not this it cant be this no way oh heck tthisis not happening not a chance”) until he sees the face he’s been waiting 4 months for again except this time it looks.. frighteningly cold

-> ouma’s instincts are screaming at him that something is very, very wrong here especially when he can’t hear any warmth when saihara says “Welcome back, Ouma. It’s your final time” and explains the whole ‘kill these monsters then kill me’ thing again

-> ouma’s confusion inevitably turns to annoyance as he kills the dudes (there appears to be a lot more than there was last time) and fires questions at saihara (‘is this saihara?’ ‘what happened to you??’ ‘do you even remember me?’) while saihara stays silent for the whole time thinking about how he really doesn’t want to be doing this. 

-> eventually ouma decides he was wrong (again) to have put his faith in a guy- a demon- he only met once a month.. even if said demon gave him something to look forward to

-> when he finally gets to saihara alone he internally notes that saihara cant look him in the eye, but he finally speaks to tell ouma that now either himself or ouma will now die (saihara knows this is for sake of the sacrifice, but he can’t let ouma know else it won’t work)

-> ouma refuses to fight him again, expecting saihara to snap back into the meek demon from a year and some months ago, but rather than that happening saihara actually says something like “if you won’t kill me, I’ll have to kill you” and swings at him

-> even if ouma was on his full guard, he still would’ve been surprised by how strong saihara actually could be when he tried to fight- and of course saihara can’t stop now that he’s started but ouma hears the hesitation when saihara asks “are you going to kill me yet?” and gets annoyed that the whole time he spent with him and even akamatsu meant nothing. saihara smiles sadly knowing he’s achieving his goal but ouma thinks he’s smiling at the thought of dying and gets somehow even more annoyed

-> during their whole fight, insert “I’m alone, Ouma, and I will always be” line from saihara, “No amount of talking can convince me otherwise, Ouma. I’m sorry it took so long, but it was foolish of you to trust a demon you met only once” or something and yes it hurts saihara too but ouma’s staying silent and before saihara can continue, ouma fires back with “You’re right- you are meant to be alone. You were always meant to be that kind of guy” and stops dodging to start finally attacking- this is when saihara knows he’s pretty much achieved his target: sacrificing ouma’s trust in him

-> just as ouma swipes at him, saihara’s lil spell thing is activated that takes saihara back to the real world, disguised so people don’t see him as a demon. but now ouma thinks he’s just killed saihara (I just attacked him. and he is gone. i dont know what that light was but i must have just killed him. oh my god im a murderer.”)

-> saihara hiding in the forest to do the lil spell thing again but on ouma (all the time he spent saving on energy was worth it) so ouma gets transported to the real world too and immediately runs to tell akamatsu everything that happened

-> saihara trying to find to blend in with humans from what he remembers of how they act but he doesnt need to particularly eat he just needs a heck ton of sleep so he basically just lives in the forest now. he’s very sensitive to water so he actively stays away from it too (it wont kill him but it does make him sick). he’s still feverishly warm but not scalding and he also decides to work at a store to fit in more

-> ouma regretting what he did to saihara even though saihara hurt him first and realising he misses him

-> saihara ends up accidentally bumping into him at the store he works at that ouma conveniently steals from a lot (”Ouma, you’d make a good demon” “Nishishi! What do you mean? I’m a perfect little angel!”) and saihara gasping when he notices ouma’s unforgettable purple hair and cute smile.

-> ouma finding something familiar about this awkward new staff with the cute face and deciding he’ll visit the shop more often to see this stranger and not because said stranger might help him get over his demon crush

-> then they get to know eachother again for the 2nd time, and as much as this guy is really cute, he clearly knows more than he’s letting on... so of course ouma’s gotta now pay even more attention to him. just so he knows what the guy’s hiding. not cause he wants to know him.

-> one day saihara is sick from trying to protect himself from the rain (cause yk, water bad) so he stays in the forest instead of coming in to focus his energy on getting better and also not blowing his cover. ouma notices he isnt there on that day and asks other staff members where he lives and they’re all like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

-> it rains quite a bit after that, inevitably making saihara even more sick and in turn needing time away to himself, so ouma starts getting worried when saihara stops coming to work

-> saihara really wants to see him though, so one day he tries to drag himself to work in a terrible state where he’s actually almost cold for once and collapses after trying to run to ouma. ouma sees him and tells his manager he cant work nd takes him home himself where saihara wakes up confused

-> ouma lecturing saihara because he worried him and the way he fell reminded him of.. someone (demon shuu).. then he asks vague questions to saihara about if he’s ever met a demon and half-confesses to having met one himself multiple times and ending up falling in love and then probably killing them

-> saihara, in his tired state, tells him his story of how he was raised to believe he had no purpose other than to meet someone who would kill him, eventually finding that person but instead of looking at him with fear or anger he looked at him with admiration and playfulness, how the guy meant to kill him refused to and flirted w him instead. ouma has probably clicked on by this point but saihara continues to tell him he wanted to protect that guy with the power he had so he took time away from his first ‘job’ to find out how to be with him. saihara is probably shaking at this point while he continues telling him about how he found out he had to sacrifice the most important thing to him, so he “went and had a terrible argument with him one day and i ran away. but i’ve never stopped looking for him since, he showed me that even a demon like me can fall in love” (there’s the ✨grand confession ✨)

-> ouma saw it coming from the moment saihara started speaking, but that didnt stop him from being utterly paralysed. of COURSE saihara has to say “When I said you’d make a good demon I really wasn’t lying. Your hand is so warm it could fool even me” which possibly makes ouma completely combust before absolutely bolting out the door and calling akamatsu to tell her to get to his house (”AKAMATSU-CHAN I’M GONNA DIE RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON’T GET HERE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT THIS SECOND”)

-> while waiting for kaede, shuuichi explains that he needs to be Warm™ and immediately holds kokichi’s hold again, while the other’s having a gay panic.. and he doesnt know how to feel because on one hand, his beloved demon is.. right here, in the ‘flesh’, holding his hand, telling him he fell in love with him.. but on the other hand, that doesnt excuse the confusion and hurt he put him through back then, not being able to see him for a whole damn year.. 

-> ouma ignores all the feelings when akamatsu arrives where she’s brought water and blankets (just in case- i feel like shes the kind of friend who would do that) so saihara takes the blankets and ouma takes the water and she calms them both down and gets them to explain everything slowly and in their own time. its awkward esp for ouma who isnt particularly close with her, but they manage it in the end

-> they decide shuuichi literally cant live in the forest so of course now he has to live with ouma but akamatsu offers to help if it ever gets too much for ouma which obviously ouma denies. she leaves soon and its just them but ouma needs some time to himself to clear his head and he only returns late to see saihara asleep clinging onto akamatsu’s blanket with his life lmao so ouma sighs and brings him more. and if he kisses the sleeping demon’s forehead, nobody has to know

-> ofc its still very much awkward and it takes ouma getting used to having even just another presence in his home, let alone his sort-of-unofficial-demon-bf and saihara’s still sleeping a lot of the time but recovering

-> they probably establish their feelings for eachother properly when they’re more mentally prepared for it, and then 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 (they kiss) and are now actually legally boyfriends. i absolutely cannot let this end in angst so they’re happy and love eachother now yay the end

nngl. i talked about this with that same friend and I lowkey want to start writing an actual fic for it now that ive written... literally the entire plot, but if i do that it probably wont be out for a while bc i take 10 years to write lmao-- plus i hardly ever finish what i start so uh yeah.. but hopefully! im not even good at writing fic this is just the plot but yello

[philosophicalparadox]

I couldn't choose one ^_^; but for mephirin how about one of these?

3. “Am I dead?”

18. “Would you quit moving around?” “It’s not my fault we’re tied up together!”

57. “Wait a second.. are you jealous?”

86. “You’re getting crumbs all over my bed.”

111. “Is that a challenge?”

151. “Times up!”

191. “Don’t give me that look! You started it!”

204. “It’s midnight, what do you want?”

(I promise I used one of these, it's just at the end!) TW for talk of suicide, death, self harm(minor) and angst (with a little fluff at the end. But first you must suffer the cringe that is Mephisto + feelings)

....................

Rin sat down in front of Mephisto's mansion, letting the weight in his stomach anchor him to the concrete, even though his mind felt a million miles away.

"You do realize it's the middle of the night." A smooth voice chimed behind him. Rin had expected his company - in fact that was the very reason he was there, or so he thought.

Getting no reply to his passive statement, Mephisto came up on his flank, dressed in a dark purple velvet robe that was left largely open at the top, exposing his pale chest to the humid night air, his bare, clawed feet making not a single sound. It wasn't hot, but it wasn't cool either, not that Rin would have noticed anyway.

"I'm surprised you didn't ask why I'm here." Rin said softly after a long, wet pause.

"Did you want me to?" Rin felt his teeth clench. He didnt have the energy to play stupid games. But he also knew Mephisto was right. He really needed to stop expecting human responses from a cosmic demon entity. It wasn't good for his sanity.

"I want you to sit by me." He stated. If Mephisto wanted him to be forthcoming with his desires, so be it. Rin half expected a retort, but couldn't say he was all that disappointed when the older man obliged. He sat at arms length, predictably uncomfortable with intimacy in these situations. And Rin knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he knew why he was here anyhow.

"Nothing can live forever, Rin. I know that better than anyone."

"Except for you, maybe." Rin replied sarcastically. "And only because you choose to live through it all." Rin responded bitterly. His grimace turned to a body-wide tremble. "How? How do you watch people die again and again and just keep doing it?"

"Doing what, precisely?"

"Living."

"Hmm." Mephisto hummed as he thought, bringing a thin, sharp clawed finger to his jawline. "That is actually not a bad question." Rin turned a curious gaze to his elder, surprised how compliant he was being tonight. Usually the man was as rigid as iron and as slippery as smoke whenever it came to feely-stuff like this, not that such a vague statement was out of the ordinary for him.

"And why isn't it a bad question?" Rin parroted his typical sing songy voice at him as a jab, but they both knew there was no heart in it.

"That is a good question." Mephisto smiled leerily at Rin, who was so used to these kinds of interactions by now he was hardly fazed. "And is it one worth answering? Or are you too intimidated by me? By this?" The look that morphed onto Mephisto's face like a sculptor playing with clay was priceless.

"Excuse me?" He said incredulously.

"You're intimidated by touchy feely stuff, though I don't know why. Me being all fucked up and hurt right now creeps you out, I know it does." Mephisto pursed his lips into a hard line, and Rin knew he was spot on. He decided it felt good to torment the man a little and dug in deeper. "So if you're going to sit there and mock me because you're a coward who is allergic to feelings, then you can fuck right off."

"Coward?" Rin felt a tiny ripple of panic tear through his already heightened body, the tone Mephisto used indicating that that might not have been the best word to use. But it was too late to back out now.

"Yes, a coward." Rin swallowed, refusing to be fazed. "And if you want to prove me wrong you'll answer the damn question instead of beating around the bush. But you're too scared of feelings to do that," Rin sighed, suddenly overtaken with a sense of fatigue. "So I don't know why I try. Or what I came here for, anyway. Company? Comfort? Hah. Don't know where I got that idea from."

A long, pregnant pause ensued. Rin glanced up at Mephisto once or twice, expecting a sharp retort, and seen him ruminating on an apt reply. What he said next was not what Rin was expecting though.

"Is that a challenge?"

Rin met cautiously determined eyes and was a bit unsure of what to say. "Only if you plan on taking it, Mr. Tough Guy." Rin tried, and failed, to stop the little smile that graced his lips. "Or do you think you cant be that open with me?" Rin could tell from the apprehension that drifted across Mephisto's glowy irises like a tiny cloud dims the moon that he was right. This man was in the business of trusting no one with his secrets. Not even his best piece. Especially not his best piece.

"I'm not going to think less of you for feeling things. Quite the opposite if anything. Besides..." Rin cringed when the thought of his brother's freshly dug grave. "I could use the distraction from my own thoughts."

"So you've elected to pick through mine. How charming of you." Mephisto pinned his ears with a sarcastic grimace before returning to his thoughts, though his expresion was a touch softer.

"I am not unfamiliar with death, of that you can be sure - and I don't mean the entity either." Mephisto began. "I have died before. But as you know by now, death for demons is not quite the same. Indeed, neither is the death of Nephilim." Rin felt his heart throb achingly in his chest and fought the sudden, unbidden urge to cry. He was the last one left. All he had was Mephisto now.

"And suicide?" Rin asked boldly, unsure of where, even, the question rose from. "Are you familiar with that?"

"Yes, actually, I am. In a way." Mephisto's voice took on a somber tone (for him) and Rin had to resist the urge to ask if he was being serious or not. Mephisto looked to Rin's face and could read everything. "I am not immune to my own mind, unfortunately. Boredom, depression - these things are not beyond me. I have experienced them, in my own way. I admit I have trouble understanding why some humans end their lives, but not all of them."

"So..." Rin's mind was reeling trying to catch up. He wasn't precisely surprised, exactly - Mephisto could be very macabre when the situation allowed, but Rin didn't trust the integrity of his words just yet. "Have you ever tried to kill yourself?"

"Not intentionally, no. By which I mean that I have most certainly damaged myself and my body needlessly, but it was never with the exact intention of dying."

"So you've hurt yourself? On purpose?"

"Yes. Sometimes out of boredom. Sometimes for other reasons." The sudden, though subtle tension in Mephisto's voice told Rin that was as close to disclosing those reasons as he was going to get.

"I can understand that, I guess." Rin thought about it. He'd injured himself on purpose before, although it was out of curiosity more than self loathing. He couldn't say he hadn't considered it before while he felt really low, though.

"What happened to Yukio was not your fault."

The statement came out of left field and hit Rin like a train. He couldn't stop the tears from flowing now. "He did what he felt he had to do." Rin justified weakly. "He was getting old. His body was eating itself. I don't blame him or me for not letting him suffer." Rin's voice cracked. "I just wish I could have been there. Said goodbye. I know it didn't hurt, but..." Rin couldn't keep his composure. "There were better ways to do it. No one would have told him no. No one." Rin garbled through sobs.

"I tried to talk to him about that actually. He didn't want anyone else doing it for him. He wanted to be in control of his life to the very last second."

"I know. I know." Rin heaved a heavy sigh to try and calm down, but everything, every part of him was shaking and he just wanted to run away from the pain. To curl up and die because the last part of his world had gone to a better place and he desperately wanted to follow. He didn't want to be alone. Anything but alone.

A cold, spindly hand on the small of his back shocked him back into reality, and he realised he was clenching his jaw so hard it hurt.

"Don't drift away. It wont take you anywhere you want to go." Mephisto advised wisely. The, Rin wanted to call it sovereign, look in his eyes proved what he knew from experience. Don't drift away. Rin focused his mind on the surprisingly cold hand, not because of it's temperature but because of how lightly it touched him. Gentle might have been a part of gentleman, but he had never really known Samael to be either the former or the latter with any amount of honesty.

Rin got an idea then, and pounced on Mephisto before he was able to object, bowling him over lightly and straddling his chest. Confused and slightly concerned eyes met his own stern and jaded ones. He wasn't going to feel any better by sitting here feeling the hard concrete dig into his ass, that much was true.

"Then help me stay right here." Rin offered, his tail wiggling somewhat enticingly, Mephisto's face lighting up in realization.

"Is that a challenge?"