#i do not need to be reminded of someone from 2 years ago no thank youu

[gremnda]

reading gay fanfics!

pros: gays!! i love them so much my skrunklies they make me so happy

cons: get reminded of my ex situationship and wish i was dead

[moonstruckme]

Are you going to continue the roomate James series? I’m actually in love with it😍

Yes! Thank you for reading <3

part 1 │ part 2 │ part 3 │ part 4 │part 5 │ part 6 │ part 7 │ part 8 │ part 9 │ part 10 │ part 11 │ part 12 │ part 13

roommate!James x shy!reader ♡ 804 words

“Honey, I’m home!” 

A smile tugs at your lips, even as you roll your eyes to yourself. James has become more and more fond of these pet names, and of announcing his comings and goings like he’s worried you’ll miss him. (He’s never gone long enough for that, though you might actually miss him if he were.) If you don’t respond in some way or another, he’ll—

“Hey.” He pokes his head through your cracked door. “You alive in here?” 

You pause in folding your laundry to give him a deadpan look. “I could have been in my underwear.” 

He looks mildly horrified. “I’d hope if you were, you’d close the door all the way.” 

“You know, I did manage to stay alive even before you moved in.” 

James leans on your doorframe, giving you the sort of lazy grin you have to pretend doesn’t scare butterflies into flight in your stomach. You really hope that wears off soon. “See, but now I’m convinced if I don’t check on you, you really will die and it’ll be my fault.” 

“How would it be your fault?” 

“Classic case of roommate neglect. I smell the rotting coming from inside your room, the police come, they ask How did you not know your roommate was dead for a month? I reply, Well, officer, she said she could be galavanting in her underwear at any moment. They put me in handcuffs and I spend the next five to fifteen years having Sirius bring me cigarettes I don’t want so that I can trade them for ramen noodles in the yard.” 

You scoff, fighting a smile. “As if you would ever eat ramen.” 

“That’s what I’m saying, sweetheart. You’d be forcing me upon desperate times. But hey,” he raises his hands in a show of surrender, “I didn’t come in here to discuss prison currency. Would it be alright with you if I had friends over tonight?” 

“Of course,” you say, looking back down to match a pair of socks. “You don’t need to ask every time, it’s always alright.” 

“Thanks,” he says warmly, “but it makes me feel better to ask. What do you want on your pizza?” 

You blink. “Me?” 

“Yes, you.” He smiles. Butterflies all over again. “You don’t have to hang out with us to eat it—though we’d love to have you—but I’m not just going to order pizza to your own apartment without having any for you.” 

“It’s your apartment, too,” you remind him. “That’d be a very normal thing to do.” 

“Irregardless.” James waves you off. You wrinkle your nose at the word choice. “What do you want?” 

You swallow a sigh. There are some things, you’ve found, James is nearly impossible to argue with about. If you really dig your heels in, sometimes you can make him move first, but you don’t feel like it right now. 

You do the next best thing you can think of: choosing the least obtrusive option. “Cheese is good with me, thanks.” 

His eyes narrow like he knows what you’re doing, but he says, “Got it. I’ll let you know when it’s here.” 

“Thanks.” You turn your attention back to your laundry. James lingers in the doorway. 

A month ago, you would have kept ignoring him, working on the (unfounded) hope that he’d go away. Now, you look up. 

“Do you think you might come downstairs and hang out?” he asks. He has a strange look on his face, one you can’t quite decipher. “You know you’re always invited.” 

You give James a terse sort of smile. He’s not stopped inviting you to do things since the day he moved in. Your open invitation has been made very clear, and you’ve been accepting it more often lately. James is someone who makes it easy to feel close to him. He tosses pet names at you like they’re nothing, comes to check on you when he gets home, pretends he needs to go grocery shopping just because you need a ride to the store. Last week, you’d sat down to watch a movie with him and woken up to a black screen, your cheek smushed into his shoulder and his head resting atop yours. 

Somehow, you’ve let him spill into your life without meaning to, and now you have these childish, crush-like reactions whenever he smiles a certain way or calls you pet names with that familiar bent to his voice. You know you just need time to sort these feelings out. It’d probably be ideal to keep yourself from spilling into his life as much as possible in the meantime. 

But it’s hard to deny James anything when he’s so sweet to you. And he’s nice. His friends seem nice. 

“I might,” you say. 

“I’ll take the win,” James replies, smiling. These butterflies are seriously inconvenient.

[imaginesig]

“I was enchanted to meet you”

Kimi Antonelli x Norris!Reader

SMAU + Written parts

You’re Lando Norris’s little sister (18) and a spark flares up with a notable F2 driver (18) , how does everything go down?

Bonus: “I had the best day with you today”

I wanted to state that as I’m writing this I am 17 years old, on top of that I am an American. I do not know how to be 17/18 as a Brit so I did a bit of research but I’m not 100% confident. I gave Y/n an internship bc I assumed she’d be at the end of her secondary schooling. Sorry if that’s wildly off base.

~~~

A laugh erupted from my chest as a balled up sucky note made contact with Kimi’s forehead. I quickly grab my takeout lid to block his response attack. Only when I heard the ball make contact with the plastic did I relax my shield. On the other side, Kimi laid out on my hotel bed in sleep pants and a racing sweatshirt. His messy curls barely moved as he laughed. The soft light of the hotel lamp illuminated the scene like some kind of dream.

In here, it was a dream. No pressure, loud engines, cruel media, or annoying deadlines tainting the scene. It was authentic; our looks to each other were obvious, no sneaky glances.

In one smooth motion I moved from the desk chair to the opposite side of the bed from him. Propped up on my side, I mustered my best reporter voice, “So Mr. Antonelli, you've touched down in beautiful Barcelona a few hours ago and are gearing up for the weekend. The Spanish Grand Prix is known for its special conditions: corners of varying speeds, high chance of tyre wear, and many openings for overtakes. How confident are you in the car for this weekend? Any good strategies in the works to take advantage of rough tyre conditions the other teams will face?

Kimi and I laughed so hard we both turned red, “Well Ms. Norris it looks like someone’s done their homework.”

“It is my job” I shrug, “I also just love turn 9. I quite literally look forward to it every year.”

“Of course you love the hard one,” Kimi pulled his arm out from under his weight and fell into the bed.

“No sir, you have to go. Dont get comfortable,” I said.

“Y/n” kimi whines.

“No,” I laugh, “you need to go back to your own room.” With a huff and a few more comments Kimi is reminded of the reality outside of the hotel room, one where he has to return to his own room and wake up alone. With a hug and kiss, Kimi is on his way and I turn back to start cleaning up. Next to the takeout trash, my work bag also lays unpacked. I fall into a steady rhythm of tidying before bed while my mind wanders off to my secret relationship.

Kimi and I got together right before this season started. We met last season at a couple of different Motorsport events and spent the season getting closer. Then we spent the offseason working through the new depth added to our friendship. And now, we’re navigating unforgiving media who might not take our relationship too well and potentially ruin it.

With a yawn I finish up my task and head to bed. I go to turn off my bedside lamp and notice a goodnight message from Kimi.

~~~

yn_norris

liked by kimi.antonelli, landonorris, user1, and 918,289 others

yn_norris: Barcelona, you have kept me busy 🥴

tagged: no one

Lilyzneimer my busy bee!! Best gp watch buddy ever, you always keep me updated with the top info 💖💖

yn_norris love you sm 💖💖 thank you for letting the teammates sister join you

user1 my fav intern 😍😍

user2 she always delivers 👏👏

user8 and grinds until the end everyday

landonorris wow I don’t even get shown, I’m hurt

yn_norris I completely flooded my stories with celebrations and you when you won. This is my moment

landonorris proud of your work always!!

yn_norris🫶🫶🫶

martagarcialopez19 pleasure to be interviewed by you!!

maya_weug lovely panel❤️🏎️

hamdaalqubaisi_official women in motorsports forever!!

user3 I love how Y/n and Lando always have 2 comment threads with varying emotions under every post

user4 KIMI IN THE LIKES???

user5 he stays in her likes

user6 tbh most of the F2/F1 academy drivers are, between her being Landos little sister and covering them the most with her job/internship they’ve gotten familiar

user7 exactly, even her and Ollie Bearman have reported they talk and could consider themselves in a friendship

user8 Abbi Pulling and Hamda Al Qubaisi have been known to hang out with Y/n apart from the track

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~~~

It was a beautiful sunny day in Barcelona, Spain. I was so thankful I was able to take a few remote work days so I’d be able to stay another day and explore. It all worked out perfectly because both my brother and his teammate invited me to join their exploration and Kimi was able to get a late flight.

With the sun shining and birds singing I made my way down a less crowded street and was met by my boyfriend snapping photos of the scenery around him. I decide to quicken my pace and give him a hug.

“Hello there,” he says surprised. A chuckle escapes his mouth once he’s turned around to reciprocate the affection.

“Hi,” I smile. I look around as he pulled back and saw the iconic kissing mural surrounded by greenery, “wow.”

“Pretty right,” he says.

“Beautiful,” I gush,”let’s get a photo.” Kimi nods and I set my phone up to record a video to screen record to screen shot from since there was no one around at the early hour.

“How do you wanna pose?”

“Let’s kiss and really be that couple, you know,” I joke.

“Come here then,” the warm air and slight breeze made the moment feel like a fairytale. The world melted away as I enjoyed the sweet kiss. For a moment it felt like we were out to the world. But when the kiss ended, I felt disappointment that no one has seen us. Part of me grew restless with the secret keeping, “I found a really cute place for breakfast I think you’ll like it.”

We walked hand in hand down the quiet streets, passing by locals going through their morning chores. Soon enough we arrived at a small restaurant and were sat outside. Concealed by aged buildings, the place itself was low traffic and gave up peace of mind.

“Smile,” I look back towards Kimi from the surrounding scenery to see him holding up his camera. We took a couple of different shots before returning to conversation.

“I had the weirdest feeling earlier,” I start. Kimi looks a little concerned, “when we took that kissing photo I wanted someone to see. I wanted our relationship to get out.”

“I’ve been feeling the same way. It’s been and is so nice to have our little bubble, but part of me just wants to be and not worry about the when and where.”

“Exaclty my feelings. I’m glad we’re talking about this, let’s let the idea sit for a little while longer and then we can come up with a plan. I’m scared to rush into an announcement and not be ready for the outcome.” Kimi agrees and we fall into other topics of conversation over breakfast. After we go to an outdoor market and look around. I purchase some trinkets for other interns at the office who cover other sports. As the air slowly got hotter, Kimi’s time with me got shorter. Eventually it was time to take him back to the hotel to take a ride to the airport. We said our goodbyes and he promised to call me when he landed.

I quickly traveled to the lunch spot my brother informed me to meet the group at. We spent the rest of the day enjoying the scenery, taking cool photos, and just enjoying each others company since extra days like this were scarce.

Too soon the sun went down and our activities ended. Back in my hotel room I worked in the soft lamplight and prepared for my flight back to reality tomorrow.

~~~

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, lilyzniemer, user91, and 928,827 others

oscarpiastri: pro tip: never explore with the Norris siblings, they’ll make a scene everywhere

tagged: lilyzneimer, landonorris, yn_norris

yn_norris ummm this is embarrassing you seemed to have misspelled “Y/n thank you so much for the adorable pic of me and Lily! Thankfully your skill is far superior to your brothers so I was able to post one”

landonorris you twat

yn_norris I mean he didn’t post yours so…

oscarpiastri that’s it I’m getting a restraining order on you guys

landonorris we only made a couple…

oscarpiastri yea bc Y/n was only with us a few hours

user1 LMAO THE BIKE PHOTO

user2 they were ready to square up

yn_norris I kicked his ass

user2 OMG SHE REPLIED

user3 everytime I see a Y/n and Lily interaction it always gives little and big sis🥹

user4 omg ikr!! It makes me so happy that even though her bio sisters aren’t able to be with her 24/7 she has someone at gps and such

user5 what I wouldn’t give to explore the world with this group

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kimi.antonelli

Liked by user4, yn_norris, olliebearman, and 819,728 others

Kimi.antonelli: Barcelona, beautiful as always 👏

tagged:no one

olliebearman 💪💪

Prema_team glad to see the weekend allowed for relaxation 😎

user1 happy with the results this weekend!!

user2 ok scenic shot

user3 Kimi is coming for Y/n with the digital camera effect

user4 I wonder why it’s only on the last photo tho?

user5 maybe this is where she was when she wasn’t with the McLaren boys…

user6 ok grandma get back to bed

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Yn_norris

liked by kimi.antonelli, carlossainz55, abbiepulling, and 718,828 others

Yn_norris: España, mi amor

Tagged: lilyzniemer

oscarpiatri so glad my gf make the post and I didn’t

yn_norris cry me a river

landonorris who took the first pic you don’t have any friends other than me 🤨🤨

yn_norris choke

carlossainz55 always love your love of Spain 🇪🇸♥️

yn_norris with every bit of my heart!!

Riabish gorgeous!!

abbiepulling travel looks gorgeous on you

yn_norris 💋💋

user1 she ate this up

user2 first pic >>>>>

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yn_norris posted a story!

Caption: I get door dashed coffee even when he’s thousands of miles away 🫶🫶

Replies:

landonorris

who what when where why

idk, it’s coffee for those of us who don’t have the energy of a seven year old, this morning, my office, bc I’m loved

wdym “idk”

Y/n are you soft launching?? Your own brother doesn’t get to know before Instagram

I have a plan no fear

🙄

Kimi.antonelli

I’ve discovered you can special order a message or simple drawings through the app too

I can see that

so be prepared, there’s so much more where than came from

as much as I love this and would love to see what you come up with, I can get my own coffee

not happening

lmao ok

Not my hill to die on

I love you

I love you too, have a great day

Oscarpiastri

your bother is pacing

Lmao good

Let him squirm

Yes ma’am 🫡

~~~

The smell of exhaust fills my senses and V6s roar across the track. Lando and I were currently camped out in the Prema garage with our eyes glued to the screen. We let out a few comments and had mini conversations throughout.

When Kimi’s car cross the finish line the enter building jumped up. As the crew and engineers all ran out to the baraxade. I decided do lead Lando over where the podium is interviewed before the cool down room so we don’t interrupt team celebrations. We stand meters away so we don’t bother anyone but I still might be able to sent Kimi a thumbs up and a wink.

“I didn’t know you two got so close,” Lando mused as we still admits the buzzing padock.

“Well you know through other friends I’ve made from tagging alone to events and races with you we were bound to meet, especially with him being Ollies teammate this season,” Lando nods at that. “So how are you feeling about your race, the home ones always a big deal.”

“I’m super excited, but the nerves of potentially messing things up are there,” he confesses, “I want to win really bad.”

“Call it reporter’s gut but I feel-“ suddenly I was cut off my someone yelling my name.

“Y/n!” Kimi is sprinting over to us. So much for not making a scene, I think.

“Kimi! You did it!” I yelled back. Soon, he was a meter away and not stopping. I was grabbed along with him and brought a couple steps away as he slowed down. Before I could even comprehend the previous action, Kimi let out another victory cheer, grabbed my face, and kissed me in the middle of the paddock. The adrenaline and joy from his win charged the kiss from both ends. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. All those kisses in hotel room or hidden corners of the world were put to shame, this was the kiss. I was so focused on the moment that I didn’t remember that there were eyes on us everywhere, including the eyes of my brother.

“Y/n- I- What!” Lando stuttered with wide eyes. He still stood in our previous spot and seemed to be stuck there. After a moment of staring back, I realized my hands had come up to rest on Kimi’s biceps.

I quickly jumped back before turning to look at Kimi again, “Hey, I’m so proud! We can catch up and all that later. Go do your media stuff, I love you.” I wave him off and walk back to Lando, “before you say anything we need to talk privately.”

Once we find a quiet place I begin explains everything, “And that’s brings us up to now. We had a plan to slow launch and then during that time we hoped to tell family and close friends before anyone else. I swear this weekend was the one-“ he cut me off.

“Y/n don’t worry, I can tell the adrenaline got to him,” he smirks, “I know the feeling well.”

“Ew, ew Lando please stop there,” I cringe. “Are you sure you’re not mad? It wasn’t supposed to come out this way, especially not to you.”

“I’m fine. Granted I only saw a few seconds of that this relationship is but any man who’s gonna come running to you after a race before even heading to a mandatory interview or cool down then he’s a good one. Also you can’t fool me, your eyes lit up and you forgot I was even next to you when he showed up. I’m happy for you,” Lando pulled me into a bear hug.

“I love you Lan.”

“I love you too,” he pulled back and added,” but mum might be so give her a ring before she finds out.”

We both laugh before I FaceTime the family group chats for round 2 of explaining.

~~~

f1updates

Liked by user82, user282, user1, and 173,827 others

f1updates: After his first F2 win, Kimi Antonelli kisses Lando Norris’s little sister in the middle of the paddock! Videos from multiple sources have been reposted on our Twitter account.

tagged: Kimi.antonelli, yn_norris

used1 WHAT

user2 this was not on my 2024 bingo card

used3 after watching the videos it was right out of a romance movie

user4 the way he sprinted to her while ignoring everything else

user5 lando’s face killed me

user6 he was just as shocked as we are

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kimi.antonelli

liked by yn_norris, user43, prema_racing, and 918,828 others

Kimi.antonelli: maiden win anyone??

tagged: prema_racing, mercadesamgf1, yn_norris

yn_norris “where’s the trophy? He just comes running over to me” 🤭🤭

Kimi.antonelli ❤️❤️

landonorris 😑

yn_norris fuck off

prema_racing that’s our boy 👏🏆

User1 KIMI IS A RACE WINNER

user2 anyone else absolutely die when he kissed her

user3 yea I think Lando almost did

user4 Y/n’s comment 😭😭

carlossainz55 the last pic 🤨

danielriccardo so it is true

landonorris OF COURSE ITS TRUE A VIDEO HAS BEEN TRENDING ON TWITTER

Carlossainz55 honestly I couldn’t understand half of what you were saying but he could be worse

landonorris mate.

danielriccardo I say shovel talk before his next race see how he celebrates then

yn_norris no no no yall are done scheming in my boyfriends comment section

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~~~

The British Grand Prix had been a rollercoaster for the younger Norris who sat in the coverage of the McLaren garage watching the race. Kimi and I had sent a few messages about the race but since Lando lost his lead during his pit in lap 40 I have been zoned in. I’ve been praying since Lewis passed that something would happen, that by a miracle Lando would regain his lead. Unfortunately as the laps dwindled, Lando lost time between the winner and in lap 49 Max had successfully overtaken him. Sighs and cuss words could be heard all throughout the building. My head fell into my hands as I watched the race though hooded eyelids, weight down with sadness.

When the race was over I slowly took the same path Lando and I had taken yesterday towards the media area. I flashed by badge once again and found a stop on the r of the action. Eventually, Lando made his way to Jensen and completed his interview.

“Hey,” I said empathetically as I pulled him into a hug. “I know you hate this and I know you’re upset. Lando, you hold yourself to the highest standard imaginable, but please know you did great. Third place is still a handful of points and now you’ve gotten more experience so you and the team can make better calls in the future. This wasn’t a race that you could predict, you had to roll with the punches and you did. I’m so proud of you and now I have a new trophy I can steal for my future apartments decor!”

Lando let out a loud chuckle before he hit me on the head, “you’re not getting my trophies you muppet.”

“That’s what you think,” I fired back before he pulls me into another hug, this one more playful than the last. I waved him off to the cool down room and said a quick congratulations to Lewis before heading to get a spot with McLaren for the podium ceremony.

~~~

landonorris

Liked by yn_norris, user3, mclaren, and 819,928 others

landonorris: Silverstone I love you, my sister not so much ❤️ congrats on the win @/lewishamilton, we’ll review, do better, and come get you next time 😜

Tagged: lewishamilton

yn_norris I cried real tears @/lewishamilton

yn_norris you fought hard, it was entertaining race. Love you to the moon and back🫶🫶

landonorris love you to the moons and back twice 🫶

user1 HELLO?? THIS IS TO SWEEET

used2 with no warning either 😭😭

yn_norris also for the record I did nothing

Kimi.antonelli ok now I said I was sorry

user3 why war McLarens strategy all messed up this week

Kimi.antonelli great driving today 💪

landonorris 😑

yn_norris lando try that again.

landonorris 👍

user4 you still did great!!

user5 lmao the jab at Y/n 😭😭

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yn_norris

liked by danielriccardo, olliebearman, user88, and 198,828 others

yn_norris big weekend :)

tagged: landonorris, kimi.antonelli

landonorris big weekend? BIG WEEKEND? THATS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY??

yn_norris I mean a lot happened

danielriccardo I think that trophy was kissed better than you

yn_norris 🙄✋

Kimi.antonelli love you ♥️

yn_norris love you too ♥️

user1 her and Lando 🥹🥹

olliebearman thanks for the support on your off weekend 👏👏

yn_norris anytime care bear

user2 “care bear” IM CRYING YN YOU CANT DO MY MAN LIKE THAT

user3 the McLaren flag slays so hard

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kimi.antonelli

Liked by yn_norris, landonorris, used928, and 727,828 others

Kimi.antonelli: I owe an apology to Y/n for ruining our soft launch on a whim, Lando for doing it front of you, and my family for not telling you guys sooner. But that’s all besides the point because I can finally say LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND

tagged: yn_norris

yn_norris omg I love you ♥️

Kimi.antonelli I love you more ♥️

user1 the uppercase at the end he’s so cute 😭😭

user2 you can tell he’s so excited

oscarpiastri so does the Barcelona photo prove that’s who Y/n was with that morning?

landonorris no shot they snuck around right under my nose

Kimi.antonelli no comment

yn_norris not my fault you’re an idiot who doesn’t ask enough questions

landonorris oh just you wait for my questions now

Oscarpiastri oh look now you’ve opened Pandora’s box y/n

carlossainz55 I guess I like you

Kimi.antonelli that’s comforting?

Carlossainz55 be happy it’s not hate

yn_norris he’s a tad bit overprotective

danielriccardo you’ve got balls kid, I respect it

Kimi.antonelli thank you 😁

user3 pls not this summoning all of Landos old teammates

user4 guess he’s not the only one they’ve grown attatched to

landonorris this is cute ig

Kimi.antonelli I’m taking this as a win

yn_norris don’t act all grumpy on main

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yn_norris

liked by Danielriccardo, user817, Kimi.antonelli, and 817,828 others

yn_norris: “this night is sparkling, don’t you let it go”

tagged: Kimi.antonelli

Kimi.antonelli fav taylor song 🫶🫶

yn_norris see aren’t you glad I made you listen to it

user1 Kimi is an Enchanted stan???

landonorris wtf is that last picture

yn_norris 🤷🏼‍♀️

user2 I love them so much 😭😭

User3 she dedicated Enchanted to him?? Girlie is in deep

Carlossainz55 does he make you happy?

danielriccardo this is is a very important question

yn_norris very 🥰

landonorris cancel the plans guys

Kimi.antonelli I’m scared

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yn_norris

Liked by lilyzniemer, user4, carlossainze55, and 981,828 others

yn_norris: he’s family approved ☀️😌

tagged: Kimi.antontelli

Kimi.antonelli Aunt Y/n 😍

landonorris absolutely not

danielriccardo I’m watching you

carlossainz55 stop right there

yn_norris do you guys always materialize in time to ruin the fun 😒

oscarpiastri 👶🚫

yn_norris OSCAR YOU TOO???

Landonorris take that helmet off her now, Uncle Lala’s is the only one allowed

yn_norris possessive much

user1 I can never tell how Lando feels about Kimi

user2 right mixed signals much? He bullies him in insta comments but openly supports him irl

user3 speaking from personal experience, that’s just him being an annoying older brother

lilyzniemer the matching outfits 🥰🥰

abbiepulling they are too cute!!!

yn_norris I love you both 🫶🫶

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[weemswife]

Secret love

Avis Amberg x female reader

A/N: this one is a long time coming really a lot of doubts and struggling but here it is. It's messy and all and i remind that english is NOT my first language but i did my absolute best with this one and any feedback is always welcome and i wont be writing fics with detailed smut since i dont apparently feel comfortable to do so, special thanks to @chiefofmilfs for endless support. Enjoy💋

Warnings: 18+ mention of sex and cursing

WC: 2127

It was a rainy night, you were working late as hell once again because when you are the personal assistant of the head of a production company you might as well say goodbye to other things in your life.

Yes, your boss the mighty Avis Amberg who took over the studio after her late husband Ace passed away 2 years ago. The studio has been thriving and so were your feelings for Avis. But could you act on them of no no absolutely not.. you knew it and all your fellow co-workers knew it.. but you couldn't just help it, after starting only as a little intern for Avis before her husband died you were head over heels for her since the day one and soon after Ace was gone Avis knew that she needed you more and promoted to you to become her personal assistant..

But back to this one rainy night, it had been raining for 2 hours straight and there seemed to be no end to it.. everyone else had already left but you usually didn't dare to leave before Avis did in case she needed your help..

Sitting on the couch 'working' you kept glancing at the clock and then at Avis, a silent plea that she would notice you and ask what you needed, because as normally there were no more buses to take you home.. you couldn't walk either because you would get wet and then sick and that was a big no and also you didn't want to take a taxi alone..

“What do you need?” The question that snapped you out of your thoughts, Avis had obviously noticed your glancing.

“Nothing..” you lied answering with a quiet voice

“Don't lie to me, pretty girl.. i know you better than that and i'm asking you again.. what do you need?” There was a hint of sterness in her voice

“I.. umm i was just thinking could you maybe drive me home tonight.. please?” You asked knowing that you should talk to her with more confidence but your ongoing crush on her made you still feel like a little mouse while talking to her.

“Of course i can, don't you worry about it.” Avis answered without even lifting her gaze from the paperwork in front of her.

You both worked for an hour more before Avis started to pack her stuff together and you went to help her. After everything was gathered you helped her in her leopard printed coat and took her bag and your own to carry on your shoulders. Avis went to do her usual check up around the studio before you both left and she locked the studio. You both walked to her car and with your free hand you held an umbrella over her even for a short distance because you knew that she hated when her curls got wet. When you got into her car you didn't say a word when Avis pulled to the driveway.

She knew where you lived, having driven you home a couple times before during the years.

You flinched when you felt her hand on your thigh.

“I have seen you looking at me, young girl, dont think that im blind.” Avis said while keeping her eyes on the road and one hand on the steering wheel, the other one on your thigh.

You were too stunned to speak and before you even got a word out she continued.

“Do you have a crush on me or something? Do you like older women? Someone who can control you all they want huh?” She asked while giving your thigh a firm squeeze before pulling her hand away.

You tried to get an answer out of your mouth, never before feeling so humiliated and embarrassed.

“I.. i umm i have had a crush on you since i started working for you.. but i swear i would have never acted on it i promise.. please dont fire me please i love this job” you whined.

Avis smirked knowingly feeling a hint of victory after getting you to confess. Since her husband died she had only satisfied her.. needs with the so called dreamland boys or Ernie before he and Ellen got together. But Avis was getting bored with the guys, of course they satisfied her needs well enough, they were talented after all, but still Avis wanted to try something new. The problem was that you were young but not too young of course, but the worst part of it was that you were her assistant, she knew it was wrong in every aspect, but still she was drawn to you after all these years.

You didn't say a word during the rest of the ride before Avis got in front of your apartment building. The silence somehow wasn't awkward but it took every fiber in your being to not to kiss her right there so you made the quick decision to leave, unbuckling the seatbelt taking your bag, wishing good night and see you tomorrow all that stuff before quickly getting out and closing the door behind and running to the door of your apartment.

Avis waited until you got inside safely before she left and while driving home she thought about you. Thinking to herself how bad it would be if she just kissed you.. just once and that's it.. but what if she got addicted, it would be wrong and the tiniest rumor of the two of you doing sinful things would possibly end her career and ruin her reputation. No one gave a damn if she was seen with a different guy every week.. well some maybe called her whore but she didn't care.. but she and another woman.. it's safe to say that she didn't have a restful night and neither did you.

The next morning when you got to the studio, the first thing you did was to get Avis her coffee and greet all your co-workers on the way to her office.

When you got there after knocking on the door and entering she was clearly looking stressed.. and tired.

“Lock the door” she said firmly repeating it again after you didn't do it in a second, quickly you put her coffee on the table and your bag on the couch and locked her door so no one could enter, during the years you had seen Avis in pure rage, crying and mad as hell.. but she was never like this.

“I need you to listen to me right now, do you understand?” She asked.

You nodded.

She sat down on her chair gesturing to you to sit down as well and you did. She sighed.

“Alright, you know that we can't have each other.. and i'm telling you the truth but since i saw your cute little face for the first time, i knew i wanted more of you. And i didnt just promote you to be my personal assistant because of your skills but also because i like you but it's really wrong and i sometimes feel sorry for you.. its killing to want something that you know you can't have, but if you keep your pretty little mouth shut and i mean it all the time, i will give you a chance.” Avis said firmly but still there was a hint of something else in her voice and gaze.

"Okay.” You answered.

“Okay? Honey i need more than that, i need you to promise me that if we do something other than work behind these doors that you won't tell a soul, not even Ellen.” She said with the firmness in her voice still.

“Okay i.. i promise that i won't tell anyone Avis.” You said with a hint of desperation in your voice.. could this mean that your daydreams are coming to reality, the endless hours that you have spent fantasizing about Avis.. thinking what you would do to her and what she would do to you...

“Good girl, now come here.. let mama have a better look on you.” She patted her lap and knowing her temper, you got up from your chair as quickly as possible and stood in front of her. You would be lying if you said that you weren't nervous.. Avis of course noticed it but didn't say anything.

She helped you to sit on her lap. It felt weird at first but you got used to it, Avis ran her hand over your arms and thighs, she kept her eyes on you to see your reactions in case you felt uncomfortable or wanted her to stop, but you didn't.

She raised her hand to your face, running her thumb over your cheeks and nose and then your lips. You shivered, you couldn't believe how gently she was handling you until her fingers found their way to your chin, holding it firmly in place and tilting your face to meet her eyes again.

“Do you want mama to kiss you?” She asked while her thumb was still running over your lower lip.

You just nodded.

"Use your words pretty girl or i wont do a thing to you.” She said with a more firmer tone now.

“Yes.. please.” You answered with a quiet tone.

That was all that took Avis to close the gap between you two, the kiss was soft and gentle. Well first at least because well Avis is Avis and she's not one for some softness, she likes it rough so soon enough the kissing turned into heated make out with your tongue exploring her mouth and fighting for dominance against her. Not long after both of you had to pull away to catch your breath.

You dropped your head against Avis's shoulder getting almost high in the familiar scent of her perfume while she rubbed your arm.

“You got some skills, i wonder what else you are able to do mhmm” Avis whispered in your ear.

You blushed hard and didnt get a word out of your mouth before there was a knock on the door.

“Shit, who the hell is there?” Avis mumbled while patting your thigh gesturing you to get up and open the door.

You got up quickly and went to open the door and outside there was one of the studio's producers who was supposed to have a meeting with Avis.

You let them have the meeting, focusing on other matters and acting like nothing happened just 5 minutes ago.

- -

Fast forward 2 months. You and Avis have been enjoying each other's company more than ever, the sex has been amazing and frequent, usually Avis was in the mood more often than you but she was always understanding if you said no or you were too tired.

The sex now always took place in the privacy of her huge house, you felt like you were there more than in your own apartment, but you didn't care. You often left with Avis after a long day at the studio, no one knew cause the time you usually wrapped up your days, everybody else were long gone. You often stayed over nights because why would you want to leave her in the middle of the night, literally there were no good excuses for that.

Since Avis was the one to usually be on the mood more often you let her take the lead but still there were a lot of times when you were the one to take control and she always submitted to you, having to work long days as everyone's boss of course she took every chance she could get to not be the one in control and she loved it everytime.

The dreamland boys were long forgotten, Avis now only enjoying your company. Some late evenings when you went to her house there was not even a word said about sex, it was just a cozy evening with you cooking a food of whatever was found in Avis’s fridge and her just sitting down while enjoying red wine. After eating, Avis would usually return the favor by preparing a bath for you, occasionally joining you as well. 

She liked to sit there with your back pressed against her chest and her arms wrapped around your waist, giving soft kisses on the back of your neck and always wanting to help with washing your hair and body, giving her a good excuse to touch you all over and you never said no. She however never let you wash her curls, always murmuring about wanting to take care of them by herself and you let her, knowing that she still often let you play with her hair while you were laying next to her in bed after a long day.

[darknessisafriend]

Hello love! Hope ur doing well. Let me start by saying that I adore ur fanfics! I've been a fan for years now, and seeing commodus trending again is so funny, but I'm here SO here for it!

Anyway, back to my original request: i wanted to ask u if u could do nr 4 on the smut promt list 2! If u could make the reader like an old friend or something, who's just visiting? I hope u get the gist. 😢

Nothing non con, just extremely smutty 😋

Thank u so much!!!

Hello dear! thank you so much for your words, goes straight to my heart <3 I'm so happy to see Commodus trending as well, he deserves it and if the first movie had come it in 2024, he would have an even bigger fanbase ahaha! anyway here's your request, I hope you will enjoy it, there is even a bit of humor in there ;)

Little reminder, request n°4 is :messy drunk sex that is then forgotten the morning after (old friend visiting or someone close to him, full consensual)

The morning after

“Brother, I haven’t seen you that eager since your ascent to the throne.” Gently teased Lucilla with a smile, putting her hand on his shoulder to make him stop pacing around. The young emperor was holding a letter between his hands.

“Lucilla, I haven’t heard from Y/N since that summer in Lanuvium 4 years ago! She is saying in her letter that she traveled and developed a business with her father in the north but now she is on her way back to Latium, to Rome!” he exclaimed joyfully, unconsciously pressing the letter to his chest, closer to his heart, his mind wandering to the moment where he would meet you again.

“When is she going to arrive?” asked Lucilla, smiling, it would distract her brother, he needed to relax and if you could bring him some moments of peace, then so be it.

“I don’t know. She could arrive before sunset, or next week…damnit.” He cursed, now getting anxious. He wanted to welcome you the best way he could, some way to impress you.

Commodus became then insufferable for days, every day on the edge, wanting things to be ready in case of your visit, hoping his welcome would please you, hoping he would still please you. You hadn’t seen each other since he had ascended to the throne, he had changed, grown…what if you didn’t want to be friends with him anymore? What if you were by displeased him now just like he had displeased the others? He lost sleep once again, spending hours looking at the horizon, or standing alert every time he heard a messenger walk through the corridors, expecting the news of your imminent arrival.

It was only days later, during a hot day, when the air was thick and unbreathable as Rome was every summer that the news came. Commodus was sitting at his desk, but he was having a hard time getting any work done, the tiredness added to the heat dampening his clothes despite the many cool baths he took; the fan waved by the slave was like a fan waving heat from a pit. No water could quench enough his thirst.

“Your highness. Someone presented herself at the entrance of the palace. She shows no invitation, but she claims to be Y/N. That you are expecting her.” The messenger spoke, giving a letter to Lucilla who read it first, smiling, before handing it to her brother.

“She is finally here. Allow her in.” Lucilla commented to the messenger. Then, she looked at her brother, his excitement growing yet he remained on his seat, quill in hand “The Empire can wait a day or two. You and I both know there is nothing urgent that needs tending.” She reassured him, gently taking away his quill.

“You are right Lucilla.” He beamed and stood up in haste “Make sure preparations are made for tonight’s party.” He requested as he left through the many corridors and halls of the place, servants struggling to keep up with his fast pace, trotting behind him.

Finally, you came into his view, escorted by your own servants. You were dressed the roman way but wore a few exotic jewels from the various areas you traveled to. Commodus marveled at the sight, he had much to ask you and much to tell as well.

“Y/N! my dearest friend!” he beamed loudly, rushing to you with open arms. Not caring of social norms once again and embracing you tightly, not allowing you to bow to him.

“Commodus! How good it is to see you!” you exclaimed, returning the hug, smiling. How much you had missed him, how much he had changed! “My apologies for not giving you a proper time of arrival…” you apologized, knowing he surely had a busy schedule.

“No need. Traveling is something hard to quantify precisely. I have been waiting for you for days and now that you are here…it was more than worth it.” He smiled, taking your hand and kissing it. “Come with me, we have much to talk about and tonight we shall celebrate our reunion!” he announced, all joyfully, leading you to your quarters and when you were ready, to the gardens.

The both of you sat for hours in the gardens where the plants and fountains brought a bit of freshness, just like seeing each other again. You told him about your travels, your business, everything you hadn’t told Commodus about. As for your friend, he confined about his ascending to the throne, his many difficulties and his hopes; how good it felt to talk so openly without judgement.

“Is cutting your hair a requirement to become emperor?” You gently teased him, your fingers trying to find a few long curls, you loved those.

Commodus blushed, giggling “It isn’t. But I do know that in this damn city, having short hair is a sign of having control over myself. If that can make the senators shut their mouths, I will keep it that way for a little while. Until I give them another reason to fuss about my reign.” He grinned. Here he was, that playful man you knew, loving to provoke, stubborn, sly.

“All I can say is that you are doing wonderfully for business. My affairs are flourishing. People are going to live and cultivate lands in the north of the empire. All thanks to the way you secured the main trade routes and borders.” You praised him with the reality you lived, you have the privilege of being able to be fully honest with him, for good and bad.

He cocked an eyebrow pleased “What is good for you is good for me then…” there was a flirty tone in his voice; something you were used to; it had always been a game between the two of you. “I could involve you even more within the affairs of the empire, you could be my hand in the north for resources…for the army and the palace…” he murmured on the tone of confidence, his eyes slowly detailing your face, he always came up with many brilliant ideas.

“If you secure me better protection for the goods I import in Rome…gladly, your highness…” you breathed, your eyes shining with interest.

“Consider it done, my lady.” He briefly bowed his head before standing, it was past sunset already. “Come, let us not make the court wait for too long. They need plenty to gossip about.” He smirked, offering his hand.

Commodus wasn’t lying when he spoke about imperial parties, full of politicians, courtesans, following your every action, detailing your outfit and judging the words that you use, gossiping behind your back. “How exhausting that must be.” You commented to your friend as you drank some wine and ate olives.

“I try not to pay attention to it. But it proves harder to do than planned.” He chuckled, saluting from afar senator Falco. “These receptions are boring anyway; we are here to celebrate our reunion. Let’s make it memorable.” He grinned, requesting for his cup and yours to be filled. “Do not retain tonight! Wine and food will be served until you can’t stand no more!” he announced, lifting his cup in the air, sign for the musicians to start playing something more inviting to partying. People cheered, instantly relaxing and letting go of social norms, thanks to their emperor’s will. Commodus leaned closer to your ear “See? They were just waiting for my signal to get lost into vice.” He whispered amused, clinking his cup to yours.

The night was filled with laughter and cheers, between the alcohol never ceasing to fill your veins, the exotic dancers making you blush, the divine food that you missed dearly, and the company of your best friend. It was perfect. He enjoyed himself as much as you did; you could tell he hadn’t relaxed in a while and tonight, in your company, he felt like he could finally let go. It was like a breath of fresh air, the wine was intoxicating, allowing Commodus to be himself, singing songs he enjoyed, pranking senators as well.

“My dear, you are sent by the gods. My light to guide my path to Elysium!” recited Commodus as he joined you on a balcony to enjoy the fresh temperatures of the night.

“Please don’t die already, life would be incredibly boring.” You laughed, taking his hand and kissing it affectionately. Commodus approached, making you lean against the edge of the balcony, his hands resting on each side of the stone, trapping you between his arms.

“If you didn’t die with me, death would be incredibly boring.” He re-used your words, giggling “We are invincible, no one can take us down. We are blessed by the gods!” he cheered loudly, spilling his wine on the ground, laughing before leaning closer to you, his forehead resting against yours. Now his warmth against your body was all you could feel.

“How come you are without a husband?” he suddenly asked, his eyes boring into yours.

“I didn’t find one worthy of it. How come you are without a wife?” you retorted, amused. You were telling the truth; you felt much better by yourself.

“I could be your wife.” he answered seriously, making you burst out laughing.

“My wife? I didn’t know you hid the body of a woman under that tunic?” you pulled on his tunic as if to lift it, making him laugh at his turn.

“I-I am not a woman. I am very much a man…I could even show you…” he flirted, he was so close, his nose brushing against yours. He licked his lips, angling his head to kiss you.

“Ah…Commodus...” you giggled, cupping his face and giving him a quick kiss, affectionate, then a few more, then letting the emperor do the same in return, the both of you lightly laughing between kisses.

“We should go elsewhere…” he suggested against your lips, his hand coming to rest on your hips.

“I agree…” you breathed, parting from him and taking his hand. The both of you passed through the crowd, most people were too drunk to notice your closeness or anyway would excuse it to a drunk state.

Commodus led you to his quarters, to his private baths, capturing your lips once again as the doors closed behind you. This time the kisses were slow, yet hungry, sloppy, intoxicating. You pressed Commodus against the wall he undressed you, his hands exploring your body, groping your butt.

“How nice to have baths constantly ready for you…” you breathed, caressing his muscly chest, the heat of the night making his skin damp.

“I love taking baths to be honest.” He giggled “Hey come back…” he protested with a pout as you parted from him, going towards the baths, mesmerized as he watched you take off your undergarments.

“Last one in the bath is a filthy barbarian!” you challenged with a grin, almost loosing your balance as you walked on the wet mosaics and jumping in the bath before Commodus, exhaling at the cool temperature of the water.

“You cheated!” he exclaimed, jumping behind you, water splashing all around as he landed in the water.

“Commodus?” you called after a few seconds, rubbing your wet eyes and looking around, where was he? Until you cried out, when someone grabbed your legs, making you choke on water, Commodus’ head emerging from the water “You idiot!” you exclaimed, splashing his face.

“I was actually drowning! it’s a bit…spinning all around me...until I found your legs.” He laughed, totally reckless. In fact, the both of you were.

“Now...back to business…” you breathed grabbing his face and pulling him for rough kiss; this time he was the one pressing you against the walls of the baths, holding himself somewhat steady. Your breast brushed against his chest as he did a motion of up and downs with his hips, rubbing his hard manhood between the lips of your slit. You parted your legs, moaning as he gave you pleasure; your hand went to bury in his dark hair, massaging his scalp slightly while your mouth went to his neck, kissing it sensually, nibbling his skin, even sucking it, finding yourself wanting to mark him.

His hands traveled from your waist to your thighs, grabbing them and lifting them to have a better hold, the both of you were panting, your breaths mixing together in this intoxicating scent of expensive wine. Commodus kept rubbing against you, his moans and water splashing repeatedly resonating in the room as his pleasure increased. He tried a few times penetrating you, but his balance was terrible and yours too, barely holding onto him. Still, you came a first time from that mutual masturbation, Commodus almost drowning in the water as his legs gave in “Stay with me…we should…go to bed…” you giggled, out of breath, supporting him to get out of the water then he pulled you out as well.

“I agree…it’s spinning too much here.” He replied, catching you as you slipped on the wet floor once again, the both of you holding hands and laughing or groaning as you kept slipping on the ground.

You walked through the corridors of the place, naked, thankfully there wasn’t much distance from his bedroom, so the only unfortunate witnesses to that scene were just a few servants. You hurried to the bedroom, collapsing on the huge bed with the emperor “How comfy…” you purred, rolling on the softest sheets you had ever laid on.

Commodus caught your waist with a chuckle, water dropping from his wet hair onto your chest as he came on top of you “It is yours now, I shall have one made for you!” he cheered, settling between your legs again but you playfully made him lose balance, and came to sit astride him.

“I will take care of you, highness.” You grinned, lifting yourself up a bit as you grabbed his dick, guiding it inside you. You bit your lower in pleasure, giggling as Commodus moaned, rejecting his head back, his hands gripped you hips when you lowered yourself onto him, your hands resting on his pectorals to support your weak balance as you started rolling your hips.

“Oh yes…feels so good!” he grunted, his eyes half closed as he watched your tits bounce. The bed was creaking a bit, your ride was not gentle, it was messy, raw, the only objective was to reach climax before one of you passed out or threw up. “Faster…faster please…I’m almost…!” whimpered your partner; drunk sex was the shortest in terms of stamina, especially that the two of you had been aroused for a while already.

After a short while, you rolled over, a little bit too quick, feeling Commodus’ seed drip between your thighs, you groaned at the sticky sensation, but the room was spinning too much around you to care to clean up. Your lover of the night crawled to your side, hugging you tight as he rests his face on your breast, both of you breathless, your eyes becoming heavy. Yet it was hard to sleep with such dizziness.

“Commodus? Are you asleep yet?” you asked after a while, turning over to face him.

“Hmmmm no…what…?” he asked sleepily, he fact he was struggling not to fall asleep. You caressed his cheek, then took his hand, guiding it to your butt.

“We should totally try from behind.” You whispered, which had the instant effect of waking him up. The more time passed the more the two of you were getting messier, clumsier and uncontrollable.

The morning after…

“ACHOO!” you sneezed loudly, the action waking you up. But the moment you opened your eyes, the light gave you a bloody headache. You groaned, putting a hand over your eyes to shield them and shivering a bit, did it rain last night? You wondered about the humidity of your hair and sheets.

Then, you felt it, an arm tightening around your waist, pulling your naked body closer to a muscular chest. You froze, did you have sex last night!? With whom…oh you praised the gods it wasn’t some old senator. So, you turned around to face your bed companion, blinking a few times to get adjusted to the light.

“Commodus?” you exclaimed in surprise, lifting the sheets, the both of you were indeed naked!

“It’s cold damnit…!” he exclaimed, opening his eyes with difficulty and landing onto your flustered face and…naked body, why were you naked?  “Oh…how did we…?” he asked, the sheets were wet, he noticed your knees were bruised, making you wince as he passed his fingers over it, then noticed dried white flakes on your inner thighs. He turned red, looking around, there were no men here except himself, he had done this to you!

“I guess…we drank more than we thought…argh my butt hurts.” You muttered, not really daring to look him in the eyes either, wondering what had led to this, no, why the room was such in a terrible state and why you didn’t remember a thing.

“From what I see it makes sense that it hurts if we... Now why do I have bruised hips and why does my butt hurt too?” he exclaimed confused, until your eyes met his, realization hitting you both. “Oh.” You pinched your lips, trying to contain the laugh that was building in your chest until you couldn’t retain it anymore, bursting out laughing “Y/N! It is not funny! It’s…” protested Commodus, flustered his cheeks red before softening a little bit at the sound of your laughter, seeing you smile, not angry or disappointed. “I... admit it is perhaps amusing.” He smiled shyly before chuckling, opening his arms to let you snuggle against him. No matter what happened during that night, a one-time thing or perhaps the start of something regular…he didn’t regret any of it and neither did you.

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pretending I cheated on my partner when our common friend asked why we fought?

It will sound fake and fictional, but please bear with me because I'm getting crazy over it. And also sorry for any english mistake, we're not from an english speaking country.

To give some context: I am a man. There was this person, B(m), which whom I kind of grew up with. We went through the same schools from our 6 years old to 17 but we never were really friends. Then, around our 13, I got into a clique that fed into all my bad habits and I started to actively bully B because he seemed like an easy target at the time. I enjoyed it and was encouraged to do so (because I was such an asshole and I'm not even cringing thinking about it, it's worse. I regret it so much and I was a stupid and bad teenager). It was so bad that after years of enduring it, B changed school before we graduated and I went on with my life.

It' was's been about 15 years ago that I graduated.

In the meantime, I dealt with some problems that I had with my family and I went through intensive therapy which changed me for the better, and I came to terms with my sexuality as well.

Flashforward to 2019/2020, I meet with someone online through some games and it goes very well. Thanks to the Covid and the lockdowns, we play even more and get closer. At some point, I talk about an event happening close to my city, and he tells me that he knows about it as well and that we're living close to each other. Because we enjoyed our time online (ngl, we had started flirting although I didn't know how sincere it was) we decided to meet at that event.

And there, I find out that my online friend is B. It's extremely awkward but only for me because he cannot recognize me for three reasons: 1. I changed physically with my puberty finally finishing the job after my 18 birthday, and I found some love into dying my hair. 2. I changed in terms of personality thanks to the therapy I went through. 3. My legal name was changed when I said goodbye to this fucking family of mine and left without turning back (but I was getting sick just saying my last name).

I, obviously, didn't tell him anything about who I really was because I just wanted to enjoy that evening with a friend, and we didn't see each other since he left high school because of me. My plan was just to slowly distance myself from him after that evening but it failed because we had a lot of fun and we actually really hit off and I was dying constantly at the idea that he could find out.

We've been in a relationship sicne the beginning of 2021 and I was decided to just never tell him (horrifying idea I know, anyone with a braincell would have told me that it was bound to be found).

A month ago, I met with an old friend from high school (so yeah, he was in the bullying gang but more of a followers, so we stayed in friendly terms when we both agreed that it was bad) and as he recognized B, he decided to excuse himself and hoped that B would forgive him like he "forgave" me (I never got to tell that friend to shut up about that) so yeah, B found out that I was his main bully who had lied to him for almost 4 years now.

We had quite a big talk about it. How bad my bullying ended up for B; why I lied like that and never admitted it. And even if it went alright, B told me that he needed a break to think about things and it's going to be one month that I'm crashing at a common friend of us. At first, I just said that B and I got into a fight and it was good enough, but as it's been already a month, the friend asked more about it. Not wanting to bring up B's trauma to someone else (especially after our conversation), I just told the first lie that came to me and pretended that I cheated on B and he found out.

Now that common friend is calling me an asshole and keeps reminding me how much they are disappointed in me to have done something so horrifying to B. I keep wondering if I did well to lie like that, or if I should have found another way out.

[zhampip]

AU question, because I adore it!!

Do the townsfolk ship stobotnik or believe the two are a thing (dating, married, wtv)?

Since Robotnik needs time to come to terms with his feelings, learn that it's okay and all that, I doubt he'd react well to being called a cute couple, or Stone's husband or whatever, if it ever happens.

Alsooo, has either Shadow or Stone ever gotten hurt on their bikes? Maybe not a car crash, but just taking a curve too fast and falling?

I just love this AU so muuuch I need to dissect it and analyse it under a microscope.

I actually wrote about the townsfolk believing they're a couple in a fic i abandoned! I'll post a bit. Robotnik is just about managing to navigate friendship, if someone said to them about being a couple he'd probably lock himself in the lab/observatory for 2 days and beat himself up over not being ready to outright confess. Then come out and act like nothing happened.

(i'll answer the second part in a different post cos i'll doodle something) and thank you!!

-

“We’re not really looking to travel right now,” Mr. Stone tells me.

I pause for a moment, at the short interruption. Of course, how rude of me! I of all people should know better! It’s not exactly a secret that the doctor has a particular sickness, even just judging from his emaciated appearance. I smile kindly.

“My husband of forty years passed away ten years ago–”

“Good for him.”

“--he lived with metabolic bone disease,” I say over the doctor’s weary sigh. “So I know what it’s like to live with an illness. Which reminds me, while i have the ear of a doctor; i have this lump–”

“Stone,” Dr. Robotnik says gravely. “I’m going to unalive myself.”

For some reason this comment sends Mr. Stone into a panic. The kind young man jumps to his feet and gestures at me erratically. Perhaps the doctor is not feeling well…

“With all due respect, ma’am. Kindly shut your pie hole.”

I gasp in surprise. “Oh, you’re right! I did forget to pick up the pork pies for the WI. How embarrassing it would be if I turned up without them!” 

“I want boba,” Shadow says. “It looks good.”

Mr. Stone nods. “We’ll get some on the way back to the evil lair–back home.”

What a funny little quip, they must be playing heroes and villains with their boy. How cute.

“Further down the street, the Taste of Taiwan makes good boe-bah, so my granddaughter tells me. It’s also a ‘vape dispensary’ if whatever that is, is useful to you,” I point in that direction. “If you’d like, I can show you–”

“ARFGH,” the doctor makes a strange barking noise.

“That’s okay, ma’am!” Mr. Stone quickly assures me. “We’re exploring at our own pace! You should really go and get those pies, those bags look very heavy!”

The young man directs the doctor away with a hand at his waist. What a lovely couple. Mr. Stone is right, I really should go get those pies!

[jsprnt]

Americano PT. 15 | Jude Bellingham x Reader

What happens if two individuals who absolutely despise each other are forced to interact after unforeseen events occur?

A/N: hihi, just wanted to thank you all for the love for the 2 most recent chapters <33 I’m loving all messages and comments!! 💖 please enjoy this chapter and stay tuned for the last chapter tomorrow (around 20:30 CEST)🥹🤍

W/C: 3.385

part fourteen

"You know that you're allowed to be upset, right, Jude?" She asks, looking down at the tired-looking boy.

"I know, but it's disappointing.." Jude murmurs back, moving his head to look up at her. His head on her lap, as her hands delicately play with the soft, just-washed curls on his head.

It's a soothing and intimate touch, something they'd both discovered to create a calm and relaxing atmosphere.

"You can be disappointed. It's difficult feeling like you’re on top of the world one day, and the next you feel like shit."

y/n puffs out a breath, trying to reassure his thoughts and feelings with logical and rational reasoning.

Real Madrid had won the Super Cup final against their derby rivals Atletico Madrid only a week ago in Riyadh. Though, last night's loss against the exact same opponents for the Copa del Rey hadn't exactly gone the same way.

With the extra time and many yellow cards later, they eventually lost with two goals made by Atletico, throwing Real Madrid out of reach of the win in a very dramatic fashion.

It was a whirlwind of a week for Jude, and to him- all he needed was someone to help him sort his thoughts out.

"You can't change anything about the past, not even when you fret and ponder about it for years. You can only look forward and change what you think you can, think winning the league or even the Champions League, Jude…” She says, leaning back against the couch, warm fingertips hovering above his hairline.

"You sound like a motivational speaker.." He voices, chuckling while watching her recline on the couch.

"Well, what I'm saying is true. Like- when I thought you moving in would be the end of my life- it turned into- this.."

She points at him and back to herself, making a dramatic gesture.

"End of your life? That's harsh." He frowns, grasping her hand to prevent her from poking his eyes out.

"Well, then let's not remind you of the times I've wanted to punch you right across the face, wanting to wipe that smirk off your lips and-"

Her voice is cut off by his hand, it clamped over her mouth as only muffled noises escape from her lips.

"Should I feel threatened?" He questions, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows, only to groan as she pokes her tongue through her lips. He removes his hand, wiping his wet hand on his trousers as he sits up from his position.

"No, I'm sure you also had hateful thoughts about me. I definitely cannot blame you.." She trails off, trying to recall anything pertaining to the topic.

"You were pretty annoying." He states, clicking his tongue. Jude fixes his position, making sure he's sitting comfortably.

"Annoying?"

She had expected the description and would definitely understand why, but why did it hurt a little bit?

Noticing the change of expression on her face, Jude grabs onto her hand, pressing a soft, tender kiss on her knuckles.

"-but in a good way!" He adds quickly, eyes raised in panic.

Of course, the words she'd just uttered were way harsher in comparison to his, though it being said explicitly and clearly for the first time since they'd met, it stung like a bitch- to y/n, at least.

"You would always say or do something that riled me up so badly. I remember when you first started interviewing me- and you'd switch from snarky comments off camera to acting like the sweetest, most kind person to me. I thought; 'Oh? So, this is how two-faced she can be?'."

"But, you'd also have moments where you'd confuse me so much." Jude looks up, leaning in to press multiple, back-to-back kisses on her temple.

"When?" She asks, eyes fluttering as she soaks up the loving, sweet gesture.

"Remember that night in- Naples? When you panicked about someone breaking into your hotel room?" Jude recalls, absentmindedly pulling her closer into his side, on the couch.

"Mhm, I remember- I was so embarrassed about it.. I thought I'd have to book it out of your room immediately before you'd start making fun of me.."

"I was not going to make fun of you. That's what you thought of me?"

"I didn't know! We were bickering like- every damn second up until that point."

"No, I was genuinely surprised at first, but when you left, I couldn't even sleep properly, and I didn’t even know why..”

"Well, what's the annoying part?"

She asks, watching Jude's fingers get entangled with hers, making her grin a little.

"You were annoying in a way- which I couldn't shake my thoughts away from you if something had happened that specific day back then. I couldn't put it into words, tried to rack my brain so many times, over and over.."

"You had this long-lasting presence, and the way you spoke and acted practically got ingrained into my memory for me to repeat every night. This definitely got worse when I moved in here.."

Making eye contact again, she nods in understanding, grasping the hem of his shirt to play with.

"You thought of me, every night?" She grins, smug look replacing her once confused and sad expression.

"I knew this would enlarge your ego.." Jude chuckles, placing another kiss on her cheekbone, before he's interrupted by a text message popping up on his phone.

"Who is it?" y/n asks, glancing up when Jude shows her the screen.

"It's my mum.." He simply says, eyes skimming over the lengthy message. After a minute of silence, he looks back at his curious girlfriend.

"She's just trying to comfort me like you have been. Asks if she can come over for tea.." He informs, hand reaching to wipe away a single fallen lash stuck on her cheek.

"Oh, that's sweet. Of course she can-.." y/n trails off, eyes darting away from the iPhone and onto her lap. Fingers starting to fidget with the loose threads on her used sweatpants.

Getting a comforting, reassuring text message from your own mother..

Something the young girl could not even dream of. Let alone speak to her own mother ever again, at least in this lifetime.

The thought makes her smile uncomfortably, though there's absolutely no positive emotion behind it, skin around her eyes crinkling in fake happiness.

"y/n?" Jude whispers, noticing the change in her demeanor and the tensing of her shoulders.

"Hm?" She hums back, her eyes darting up and locking with his brown ones.

"You okay?"

Jude is in love, not stupid.

Seeing his girlfriend's entire mood change, just at the mention of his mother isn't something he wants to just skim over.

There was absolutely nothing going on between her and his mother. In fact, after his parents had been informed of their oldest son's affection for her, they welcomed her into the family within a heartbeat.

It wasn't either of the two who told them, instead- y/n's understandably protective father had told them. This came after he'd talked to Jude privately, grilling him with questions only a father would make up- and of course the intentions question was asked, like they weren't just young people trying to figure out their lives.

In reality, her father had long approved of the idea of the two young adults having a relationship. The times he was home and present with them, he'd slowly noticed the way they had warmed up to each other.

Not to forget, months ago, his daughter had burst into his office- asking for him to handle something for her. Puzzled at his own daughter needing legal help for 'online defamation, because they think I’m dating that douche', he'd dropped everything to listen to her- only to end up laughing at the end of her dramatic and insulting (towards Jude, of course) speech.

It wasn't difficult, as an experienced adult, to guess where the young adults' relationship would go from there.

"y/n.." Jude calls out again, placing a hand on her shoulder, shaking slightly to snap her out of her thoughts when she doesn't reply.

"I'm just thinking.." She finally says, wanting to lie- but realizing that he is, in fact, her boyfriend now- it might be better in the long run, to be honest.

"About what?" His eyes flicker up, a warm hand pulling her in closer. Realizing the comfort or warmth she might need to open up and speak.

"I just feel sad.." The confession is quiet, looking down, she grasps onto the hem of her sweater. Trying to keep her emotions at bay, because this conversation was about comforting him, and not about trauma dumping on the already upset boy, she thought.

Jude blinks, looking over his girlfriend's defeated figure. The gears in his head twist and turn, trying to decipher what she meant with her words.

"Do you want to tell me why?" He asks, trailing a hand up, pinching her chin with his pointer finger and thumb, raising her head to make eye contact.

Her eyes glimmer with emotion when they lock with his chocolate brown ones, the corners of her mouth twitching as she tries to contain the tremble of her lips.

Though, it's insanely difficult, especially when multiple emotions are swirling around her mind, and the suppressing of the tears causes a sharp pain to pass through her temples.

She grunts softly, not being able to hold back anymore, the pressure in her head worsening.

Tears pool against her waterline, and she closes her eyes. Allowing a soft whimper to escape her lips, tension dropping from her shoulders, as y/n stops suppressing her emotions.

Jude's eyes widen, his breath hitching in surprise as he watches his new love practically crumble in front of him.

"Oh, baby.." Jude coos breathily, the soft, foreign term of endearment falling from his plump lips.

He moves his hands immediately, wrapping his arms around her waist, and pulling her onto his lap.

y/n instantly presses her face against his shoulder, grasping onto the fabric of his shirt. Her tears darken the blue shirt, as Jude's hand rubs against her back in a tender manner.

"You're okay, honey.." He whispers, pressing multiple kisses along her temple and cheek, rubbing soft, soothing circles on her back.

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong, hm?" He soothes, his voice deeper than usual, offering sweet and reassuring words to the crying girl.

"I- don't even remember how her voice sounded or what her personality was like.." I whisper, raising my palms to harshly wipe my annoying tears away. They just kept pouring out of my eyes like the damn Niagara Falls..

"Look at me, love.." Jude whispers tenderly, grabbing my wrist to remove my hands from my face. I can't help but feel tingles down my spine at the word he refers to me with.

The Brum accent combined with his deep, raspy evening voice- melting my heart instantly. It distracts me from my breakdown for a single moment, and I shift my eyes back to his, just like he asks me to.

"Take a deep breath for me, yeah?" He says, pressing a kiss on the back of my hand.

I nod at his words, taking a single, deep breath, before releasing when he tells me to..

"Good- you're so good for me, baby.." He gives me a small, satisfied smile, kissing my cheek again. He moves his hands, pulling my head back onto his chest, running his hand down my back.

"This okay?" He asks, making me nod. I sigh again, nuzzling my face against his hard chest.

I had just spilled my entire heart out to the boy whom I had sworn to hate for the rest of my life, only a few weeks ago.

The topic wasn't something I had openly talked about since I was a teenager in my psychologist's office back in London. It hurt way too much to talk about with friends, and it felt like opening up a bigger wound when speaking to my own family about it.

I mean, it couldn't ever get easy- talking about losing your blood and flesh, let alone your own mother. In my case, the person who had gone through hours of labor and delivery- creating me from her own nutrients and energy.

There was absolutely no way I’d ever comfortably tell someone that my mother had passed away in a violent car crash.

An accident that had occurred only because little five-year-old me wanted my mom at my graduation to primary school.

I had gone through years and years of therapy, though, of course, to me nothing could actually take away the wound and grief it had caused a young me.

I couldn't sleep some nights, mind trying to remember anything about my mom. Since I had lost her so young, I could only recall her face from old photographs and home videos taken by my dad.

"Yeah.." I mutter, eyes closing as I try to ground myself. Taking in the beating of Jude's heart against my ear and his musky cologne.

"Need anything?"

"No, just you.."

I feel his chest vibrating as he chuckles, the sound reaching my ears and filling me with a warm and fuzzy feeling.

"I'm here, love. Take your time, and we'll wash up before my mum comes over.." I feel his hand against my back, caressing from my nape all the way to the small of my back.

I hum in understanding, eyes fluttering shut as I try to calm down, taking my surroundings in.

"Okay.."

'Meet me in the lobby'

'Security won't stop you'

'We have free time for a couple hours'

I stare at the incoming text messages, my eyes darting to the sender. Only to read Jude's contact name.

I sit up from my bed, slipping on the hotel slippers immediately, and walk over to the bathroom. Trying to fix my appearance before I realize I don't know what I'm getting ready for.

I snatch my phone from the bathroom sink, sending a quick message back to Jude. I wait for a couple seconds, busy with applying mascara, until I hear a notification sound.

'For some dessert, love'

'Dress casual, I'm in sweats and a jacket'

'I don't want to look like a fool next to you'

I chuckle at the reply, nodding as if he can see me before sending a quick message back.

I eventually make my way down to the lobby, looking around and trying to be as discreet as possible. Hoping other staff members and players didn't think of going down as well.

So far, the only people who had figured us out were Luis and Lina. I mean, I couldn't exactly keep it that much of a secret after they'd sneaked a glance at my home screen when I had left to print something.

They had been nosy after seeing someone text me, and when they read that it was Jude- I could've sworn they died and came back to life in a span of two minutes.

I look around quickly when I step out of the elevator, finally catching a familiar black puffer jacket. I grin to myself, making a beeline towards him, and whispering a small 'boo!' when I touch his shoulder from behind.

"Hey! Shhh.." His eyes enlarge comically, and I feel him grab onto my hands almost instantly.

"I'm quiet.." I whisper, giving him a toothy smile as he drags me out of the hotel lobby, out onto the streets of Valencia.

I allow Jude to walk in front of me, our hands intertwined, as he suddenly stops in a less busy area of the street.

I raise my brows as he turns around, watching a smile form on his handsome face.

"Hi?" I begin, pulling a confused face.

"Hi.." He replies, chuckling softly, before he pulls me into a warm embrace. His breath hitting my neck as he plants a kiss on my lips and cheek.

"I missed you." Jude says, pulling back to look at me, while his arms encircle my waist, keeping me warm.

"Well, you could have seen me a couple hours ago, after the match- but you stormed into the changing room after you got that red card.."

I sigh, recalling the absolute shitshow of a match against Valencia a couple hours ago. The referee couldn't do his fucking job, there were multiple VAR checks, and the blowing of the final whistle- resulted in the disallowance of the winning goal, scored by Jude. Eventually, he got red-carded for dissent.

Nothing surprising, actually..

I watch a guilty expression form on his face, forehead wrinkles showing as he frowns at me.

"Well, I'm sorry about that- did I scare you?"

"No? Why would it scare me? I wanted to punch that referee too.." I make multiple punching movements, hitting Jude on his chest once.

"Hey, hey- don't get violent, little Miss, you can't use physical violence here.."

I chuckle at his change of voice, dropping my hands to my sides, and grabbing his hand.

"Sorry, sir. Any reason you've called me down here?" I tease, watching him smile at me, before he squeezes my hand affectionately.

"Let's get some ice cream. I saw a decent looking place on Google Maps.."

"Oh, what flavors do they have?" I ask, mouth watering at the thought of having good-quality ice cream.

For me, it didn't matter the weather. Ice cream could be consumed any time of year, as long as I craved it.

Jude tugs at my hand, indicating he wants us to start walking to the ice parlor he'd seen. I follow him mindlessly, paying more attention to his words than to where we're going.

"Umh, they have 'chocolate' and 'fresa' and, of course, 'vainilla'.."

I laugh at his sudden use of Spanish, quirking my brow up as he starts naming the basic ice cream flavors one by one.

"Are you just trying to show off how much you've improved your Spanish skills?" A huge smile tugs at my lips, my eyes roaming over his proud, cocky expression.

"No, just slipped out of my mouth. I must be getting the hang of it.."

"Sure, Mister. Now give me the directions in Spanish.."

I tease, trying to challenge him, but chuckle when he shakes his head violently.

"It's just straight this way.."

I scoff, rolling my eyes at his bad excuse.

Watching a small smile form on his lips.

"Sure, let's just go straight ahead then.."

The couple’s very spontaneous ice cream date is ended by the both of them chugging a bottle of water. The once very craved cold and creamy dessert now regretted by how big and sweet their portions were.

"That's a cute bicycle.." y/n mutters, not paying attention to where she's walking. Instead, Jude is holding her hand and looking out while they walk back to their hotel.

"Do you know how to ride a bicycle?" She asks Jude, looking up at the focused boy, busy navigating their way back.

"Of course I can. My dad taught me before I showed interest in football.."

"Mhm, that must've been fun.." She mumbles, fixing her jacket.

While the couple is intrigued by the small, new facts they were learning about each other, they don't notice the very few people walking past them in the streets.

Most of the pedestrians walk in a hurry, minding their own business, on their phone, or listening to music- trying to get home before it gets too dark outside.

Though, sadly, what they also don't notice is, the flash of a camera- directed right at them. Not knowing the predicament that would follow if they were sold off and posted on the internet.

The couple is happy in their own bubble, their hands warm from holding hands, unlike their noses, which froze up in the cold wind.

Just like other pedestrians trying to get back to their hotel, wanting to go unnoticed and undisturbed.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Must you, Japan? has become Thank You, Japan

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

BL OLYMPICS! Week 3

This is my last week of passing out metals in various sporting events, as part of the weekly updates.

Aug 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 9-10fin - There were a lot more unnecessary dramatic speeches than there was practical medical aid being administered. Very extra, boys. I wonder how long it took them to get that "birds meet hug" shot? Meanwhile, great grandpa‘s attitude that he knows best in every way is thoroughly annoying, and yet absolutely appropriate to his age. My great gramps (RIP), had he had the body of a 20-year-old, would behave in exactly the same self-righteous know-it-all way. The doctor is great. I would like him to get his own romance please? What happens when you are the villain in someone else's reincarnation story? There's a whole fanfic there. And yes I cried. I am a sap for this kinda thing.

Final thoughts:

This is a great little show about a young man who fell in love with a pretty girl 100 years ago, and when she died in his arms, he was cursed to live until he could meet her reborn self. Only this time around, she’s reborn into the body of a man. I love it when Thailand gets all up in its own historical business and reincarnation and shizz. I like this pair (it’s not DaouOffroad’s fault I didn’t enjoy most of their first series.) Daou’s wushu is pretty snazzy and we got a fun meet cute. (Erm... Remeet cute? Meet cute 2.0?) Plus this is a very PRETTY show. Despite some ham handed comedy moments, this ultimately has more in common with something like I Feel You Linger in the Air meets First Love Again, then (as one might expect) Until We Meet Again or The Director Who Buys Me Dinner. The leads turned in great performances, although Daou outclassed everybody else on that screen. It’s a good story and a great BL. I’m not sure this is going in my rewatch rotation, but I can’t find any major faults with it beyond a certain level of camp that is sadly endemic to lackorns. Also I’m going to give it credit as the kind of BL that one could safely recommend to lovers of melodrama and historical romance, without having to qualify it as “good for a BL.” It was, to put it succinctly, simply a VERY ENJOYABLE show. 

Under those auspices I really can’t give it anything less than a 9/10. 

Bronze in Fencing

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 10 of 12 - It’s cute. They were cute. I enjoyed it a lot. I talk quite a bit about why they're using nai as a you pronoun here:

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 6 of 8 - Honestly the side couple is truly stellar in this show. I wasn’t sure about them at first but now I absolutely love them. Not sure how they are going to resolve such intense dislike (from JJ) by the end of the series. But I’m interested to see them try.

Meanwhile, there isn’t anything else airing right now that makes me laugh as much as the behind-the-scenes from this show. Highly recommended.

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 1-2 of 12 - Oh it is so much fun. I’m particularly delighted that our musician is a drummer and I don’t have to listen to him sing... I hope. I’ve been waiting for Big to lead a BL forever. I’m disposed to enjoy this. We can all be confident in one thing, the kisses are going to be great. I like the side couple too, very indulgent daddy. While I am disturbed by the tortoise in the tiny tank, I love the extrovert friendship group. They remind me of my own college crew. It is a cute premise, but I will need them to actually be together in the same room, looking longingly at each other a smooching within the next couple of episodes.

YouTube served me both episodes 1 & 2, and I don’t think it was meant to. So this may be next week's review as well.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I wasn’t wild about this ep or where this show is going. But I enjoyed the language play. 

Gold in Linguistic Gymnastics

(my new favorite sport)

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - Wow. Sam admitted it just out loud like that! Right after a betrayal? Balls on that boy. Worked on Yo tho. Too well, actually. I wish Yo had made him suffer and dragged him over the coals for a while. But I guess Yo really really likes him back. Meanwhile, the GL side plot also moved quite rapidly. A lot happened in this episode.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 4 of 12 - Them ALL jumping into the water was totally ridiculous. It’s still a little slow, because it is a pulp, but I’m rather enjoying it.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 12fin - Almond and Latte were cute. The breakfast with the four of them was funny. I did laugh a lot. Almond getting "first time" advice from his two resident gay dads (or at least trying to) was super sweet. Also I got a lot of smiley kisses. Nice final ep.

Ultimately how do I feel about this show?

A story about 4 boys of differing personalities who end up living together and pair up, falling in love. Slow moving and waffling, with some artificially generated family drama makes this a classic Thai pulp except that in general it's a smiley kiss of a show. It had plenty of good qualities like great communication and sexual rep (including toys, first time, safe sex, and sexual identities). The heat levels were on point and well executed, and the performances were good. It’s just that the script and the directing were lackluster, rendering it ultimately forgettable. Still, fine on a rainy afternoon with some camomile tea or whatever. 7/10 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - I’m getting some sort of PTSD from this show, It is making me feel like I’m the problem. Trash watch

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 1-2 of 8 - Anyone surprised by this jump in the standings? Yeah, probubly not. Anygay... this show is GREAT. Warped af but great. Lemme try to explain.

I actually said out loud during ep 1, "Well this is boundary pushing." By which I mean mine and everybody elses. But it’s Japan, *checks watch* it’s about time they turned out something edging into unpalatable and kinky. And because it’s Japan, I’m more forgiving than I would be were this show nested in the clumsy hands of say... Thailand. So actually this being me, and me being of questionable taste, I’m enjoying this show a lot.

You want me to list the ways? Sure.

Younger seme with grabby hands.

The younger one identified the elder gay as his personal property and it’s now: single motivation, on target, against all odds.

Uke cares about his work and not much else.

Seme cares about the uke and not much else.

Uke is gonna make this boy WORK for it.

That one particularly Japanese style of obsession that I actually adore.

Passes the sniff test!

I’m being reminded of that KBL Love Mate. Which I believe I enjoyed but no one else did. For exactly this set of tropes. Only Japan is better suited to handle them. For me this is a case of:

Must you,Japan? = Oh yes? Well, thank you very much, Japan.  

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - enter the evil girl character. Yawn.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - It is what it is. 

It's airing but...

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 2 of 12 - I did not catch ep 2 before they took it down from USA YT. I don’t know why it’s down. Either they got a deal for distribution off YouTube or there’s some sort of scandal. Frankly, I wasn't particularly impressed with ep 1 so I’m not rabid to find wherever it’s gone or why. Still, perhaps someone will let us know the sitch in a comment? It's a me problem. I'm figuring it out.

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun ????) 10 eps - OMG a uni student who looks too young and a... COP. GAH. The subversion and kink of it all. Why can't I find it? Do I have to go grey?

4 Minutes (Thai Netflix/Grey) - A rich boy at uni suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future. I have a source, but I've decided to hold off and binge if it ends okay, since it's only 8 eps. I depend upon y'all to tell me if it's safe.

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - it's your funeral (or, more likely, one of the main characters'). You can argue but... statistics. You know my feelings on this matter. MY BLOG, remember?

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!! (Yeah this is gonna sit here until then)

Next Week Looks Like This:

Ooo, nice spread.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Still Coming This Month!

8/12 First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) 12 eps - About a singer with stage fright and his timid fan stars Charles (H4 the puppy one) and Michael Chang (the youngster in My Tooth Your Love), plus side couple featuring a Thai actor Jame (Koh in Gen Y) and Liu Min Ting (of Guardian fame). What a damn tean. I can't wait. With thier powers combined!

8/13 Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues YT) 10 eps - supposedly Jinlo with air this on their YT channel. Stars August (Love Sick) so I'm excited despite Jinlo's poor reputation. From the trailer it looks like it's following the original pretty closely... just Thai style. GIMMEEEEE!!!!

8/16 The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) ? eps - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.

8/22 The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) 12 eps - announced in 2023 this one has a high school set stepbrothers trope and is reputed to be high heat. From Taiwan! It's made for me. Based on a novel Mou Mou from the Your Name Engraved Herein folks, so it could go dark. Still, I'm very excited.

8/22 The Paradise of Thorns (Thai movie) theater release - Jeff Satur is back but this does not look like a BL (the gay lover's death is the inciting event). More in Goodbye Mother vein. Looks dark and dramatic. He opposite and extremely well known actor Toey Pongsakorn who has never done gay before.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Linguistic flirting trope! One of my all time favorites. FANTASTIC. (I did keep hearing Gun yelling Papiiiiiii! in my head tho.)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[throneofsapphics]

the ebb and flow of fate part 2

(part one) (part three) (part four) (part five) (epilogue)

Cazriel x f!Reader

Summary: “Harmless” she repeated, an edge to her tone. Still, he sensed fear creeping into her. Good. A part of him thought. If he needed to be the one to put the fear into her for her own safety, he would do it gladly.

Word Count: ~6.3k

Warnings: smut, voyeurism, slight degradation?, light bondage, shadow play, oral (m!receiving), masturbation, nightmares, flashbacks, references to sa, stalking, injury, violence, brief mention of panic attacks, bad handling of trauma 

A/N: i’ve rewritten this a ridiculous amount of times and i’m very nervous, I'm planning on about 5 parts!

Cassian shot her a wink the next morning. Thank the Mother only he and Azriel were around, because she turned bright red and nearly fled the room. Only the fantastic muffins in front of her kept her rooted to her seat. Mother knows she’d thought about it all last night, up until the early morning hours, hand between her legs trying to relieve some of that pressure. She had the distinct sensation they knew exactly what was running through her mind. 

“Long night?” Azriel asked, mouth indenting at one corner. 

“Is that your way of telling me I look like shit?” 

Cassian let out a low chuckle and shook his head. Azriel crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair - amusement starting to grow on his stupidly beautiful face. She waited, seeing if they’d say anything else.

“Can you blame us for being … curious?” Cassian asked, sitting next to Azriel, pushing his chair a little too close to be just ‘friendly.’ 

She spotted Azriel’s arm shift, and a slight inhale from Cassian. 

“Mother above,” she muttered and snatched her muffins. If she stayed any longer, she might get a bit too curious. She stalked out of the room, ignoring Cassian’s laugh following her. 

-

She should’ve burnt them - tossed them in the trash or sidra, but each time she ripped the seal, unfolding the crisp parchment with shaky hands. With each one, her guilt at hiding them grew as well. They’d … changed, each one laced with a different threat. Not a threat, she reminded herself. The Night Court’s borders were impenetrable, and he was all the way in Autumn. Some kind of infatuation he would get over. She let out a low hiss as the page sliced the edge of her finger, bringing her finger to her mouth. Work, she had work to do, it would take her mind off this. Gods, she was already running late and if someone found out she bled on a book … thankfully the cut sealed itself within the next few minutes. Her eyes glanced at the clock, she’d have to for-go her usual walk and winnow. 

Clotho’s pen floated as words appeared on the paper and she spotted the slight furrow of her brow beneath her hood. Something is bothering you. 

“Nothing new.” She fidgeted, shifting on her feet as Clotho gave her an assessing look. 

Merrill wants to see you. She didn’t bother hiding her groan, drawing a small smile from the priestess. Best of luck. 

Merrill, after grilling her with questions on her latest findings, was surprisingly pleasant. As pleasant as she gets, and even offered her some different manuscripts and books she’d recently found that might interest Rhysand. She made sure to thank her, receiving a small nod in reply. Her feet carried her to the small nook on the fourth floor she’d claimed years ago, books piled up to her chin. A tripping hazard, that’s what she was. 

Her mind wandered. A week ago, she’d seen Cassian and Azriel. A week since she’d spotted them that night, and the subtle teasing the following morning. Since then they’d both been gone. It wasn’t uncommon for them to be away for prolonged periods of time. Their absence didn’t exactly feel intentional, but the actions prior to it did. There’s no way Azriel hadn’t already noticed her out in the hallway, even if he was highly distracted by his current activity. She’d, embarrassingly, analyzed every detail of that moment. It was branded into her mind at this point. For research, of course, she reasoned to herself. The only conclusion she could come to, taking into account the next morning as well, is they wanted her to see it. They weren’t surprised, not one bit. 

-

She’d taken her work home with her that night. It was getting to closing hours in the library, and the texts had caught her attention enough she didn’t want to stop. She barely paid any notice as she wandered in, settling down in the small Townhouse library and spreading her papers and books haphazardly over the table. A bit of magic propped two different texts open in front of her, and she put her pen back to the parchment already scribbled with notes. She’d have to transcript those into legible handwriting later. 

Moments later, she felt a shift in the air around her - then a cool blade against her next. The scent was familiar, and she went still - all of her muscles freezing in place. 

“You’re dead.” A cool voice said - no amusement or mirth present. 

“I hate you.” She hissed.

A snort. “No you don’t.” The blade, thankfully left and she whirled around, shoving her chair out behind her, hoping it would hit the asshole. It didn’t, of course. He only leant against the window, one hand returning truth teller to its sheath. She wondered how many people got close to that blade without meeting their death - or a world of pain. 

“Nice to see you too.” 

His mouth quirked up at the corner. “I should tell Cassian how-” 

“No.” She interrupted, “no you shouldn’t.” 

He raised a brow. If he told Cassian, she’d be stuck in the training ring for hours tomorrow - up at some ungodly hour and miserable, all before work. 

“Don’t tell Cassian what?” She yelped as he emerged from between the shelves. “We had a feeling you’d end up right here.” He teased. An ambush. 

She groaned. “Is this your idea of ‘nice to see you’?” 

He pretended to think about it, before crossing the room and wrapping his arms around her. Her feet left the floor as he squeezed most of the air out of her, the rest coming out as a wheezing, inelegant, laugh.  

When he finally let her down, after spinning her enough times she was dizzy, she barely had enough time to catch her breath before Azriel wrapped her in his arms. She could only think about how good it felt to be with them, to have their arms wrapped around her - bodies pressed against hers. Even if the hug ran a few seconds too long to be purely friendly, she didn’t mind. 

He released her, looking down at her with a softened gaze. Not quite a smile, but a definite improvement from him holding a knife to her throat. 

“I missed you.” She said, before realizing just how close they were standing. She cleared her throat and took a step back. “How was your … trip?” She asked weakly, shifting her eyes between the two of them. 

“Fine.” Azriel answered, just as Cassian said, “Miserable.” 

She bit on her bottom lip to keep from laughing. 

“And your week?” Azriel asked, and she understood the message - not something up for discussion. 

“Boring,” she answered. Not wanting to say I missed you both, or I couldn’t stop thinking about you. She would not act like a pining schoolgirl. To their faces. But, her filter had its limits because she asked; “did you do that on purpose?” and fought her wince at her own words. 

Azriel’s eyes flickered and from the corner of her eye she saw Cassian take a few steps towards him. “Do what?” 

“You know.” She clenched her jaw. They know exactly what she’s talking about - especially based on Cassian’s grin. 

“If you want to know something, you need to use your words.” 

A part of her, one she shoved deep deep down, went molten. But, she couldn’t hide the red flush covering her cheeks. “I have work to do,” she said quickly, grabbing her chair and pushing it back towards the desk, hiding her face beneath her hair and doing her best to look like she was actually reading. 

She heard a low laugh as they left the room, and only once the footsteps faded did she let her head plunk against the desk. “I’m so screwed,” she whispered. 

-

Two letters arrived today, both written out to her by the ‘same person,’ with slightly different handwriting. She frowned at them, one - courtesy of him was expected. But … she hadn’t heard anything from her friends in weeks. She settled on getting the nasty one out of the way. 

Her fist crumpled up the paper as she shoved it deep into the drawer. Another letter, more iterations of the same things written before. No need to make a big deal out of nothing. I’ll find you in this world and the next. A shudder ran down her spine. Harmless, she told herself. A temporary infatuation - something he’ll get over. 

Every time she approached the fire, papers clenched tightly in her hands, that damn tattoo would start pricking, sending zips of pain down her chest. She found herself turning back around, shoving them into the back of the drawer - willing herself to forget. If they were out of sight, maybe they’d slip out of her mind - and this would all be over. Part of her realized it might not be that easy. 

Slowly, she forced her hands to open the second. A brief recap of her last few weeks, her father apparently trying to set her up for an advantageous marriage. But, she seemed pleased with a few of the suitors - describing them in detail - and a specific one she was fixated on. Another local lord's son. Her lips curved into a smile, good, she deserves something to make her happy. She shuffled through the extensive letter - three gods-damned pages. 

When will you visit again? My cousin is eager to see you. Maybe you could explore your relationship more, he’s mentioned he’s written to you a few times. You should answer.

She dropped it like it had burned her. Writing to him? She told her exactly what happened. This one, she found herself able to toss in the fire. Her friendship could burn with it. 

-

“You’re an asshole,” she muttered to Cassian, rubbing out a bruise in her left arm. He snatched her hand away. 

“That’ll make it worse.” 

“Maybe I like the pain,” she snipped back at him. A glint crossed his eyes, gone as soon as it came. “Besides,” she continued as if she’d never seen it. “You’re a sadist.” 

A snort came from Azriel in the corner, leaning back against the wall. Shadows swirled gently around him, he had one knee propped up on the wall behind him - arms crossed over his chest. The flush on her cheeks wasn’t entirely from training, something they didn’t need to know. “If you think he’s a sadist, train with your sister.” 

She rolled her eyes, and elbowed Cassian. “Why do you think I stick with him?” 

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.” 

“Have you … heard from your friend recently?” 

By some miracle, she managed to keep her reactions neutral - heart rate steady, breaths even. “I got a letter yesterday,” she admitted. “She’s looking at suitors.” Her nose crinkled with the last word. 

“An arranged marriage?”

“In a way. She described each of them. In detail.”

Cassian cringed, “I don’t think I want to know.” 

She thought of how she ranked them on potential bedroom prowess. “No, you really don’t.” 

“Have you … asked Rhys for her to visit?” 

Azriel’s question was careful. She knew his shadows were monitoring her every reaction. At her silence, they both went still. 

She shook her head. “I’m not ready to see her.” I don’t know if I ever will be. They seemed .. relieved? “Why are you asking?” 

He met her gaze, a cool assessing look on his face. “Wanted to know.” 

Her teeth dug into her bottom lip, but she left it for now. 

-

Hands brushed against her sides, down her ribs, over the curve of her ass. Soft kisses were pressed to her shoulder and neck. Caged in between two warm bodies. 

She woke with a start, and a coil building in her stomach. Dreaming, again. Wrong, this was wrong on so many levels. Water, she needed cold, cold water. She debated the risk of running into them - just like she had before, but as far as she knew the two of them were still on some mission and hadn’t returned. Her feet hit the soft carpet, the full moon shone through her window - casting her room in a beautiful, soft glow. Her lips curved up at the corners. 

Lost enough in her thoughts, she didn’t hear the sounds, coming from Cassian’s room this time, until she was nearly at the door. Her footsteps faltered, her body turning - not again, her back was already turned as she heard him. 

“If you’re that curious, you might as well come in.” Azriel’s voice was rough as he leaned against the doorframe. Slowly, she turned back around. His chest was bare, a slight sheen of sweat glistening on the muscled planes of his chest and stomach. Hair disheveled, lips puffy, cheeks flushed. She’d never seen him like that before. Great, something else to fuel her dreams. 

She must’ve been staring, “see something you like princess?” Cassian’s voice came from behind him, and she blinked, startling back into the present. Azriel’s smug face made her want to wipe it right off him - to march back down to her room and pretend she felt nothing, but then his hand reached out. A clear invitation. LIke a god damned fool, she took it. 

He was gentle as he tugged her inside, and she knew she had a doe-eyed look. The face of someone completely in awe and completely out of their depth. His hands gripped her shoulders as he walked her back - not towards the bed. The back of her knees hit a chair, and he pushed her shoulders down. She fell rather inelegantly into it, drawing an almost mocking smile from him. His eyes traveled slowly down her body - pausing on her bare thighs - her nightgown ridden up to an almost indecent level, before flicking back up. The hazel hue burnt into her. 

“Can you be good and sit there?” 

Her cheeks flushed in humiliation and she nodded. 

“Words.” His voice had changed, lower and firmer, a clear demand. 

“Y-yes.” She stumbled over the word. 

“Yes, what?” 

“I can be good.” She squeaked. “And sit here.” He gave her an approving nod. 

Azriel fisted a hand in Cassian's hair. Knees hit the ground. Fingers dug in his waistband. Gods, she watched as Cassian’s lips parted, Azriel letting out a low groan. 

But, his eyes met hers. ”Is this what you think about at night?” How was he speaking? 

”W-what?” She asked with a breathy voice. The way he looked at her … like he could see all the way inside her, see every dirty thought and fantasies she had. Maybe he could. His eyes lingered on her thighs. She pulled her dress down as if it might hide any lingering scent of her arousal. 

“Show me.” 

“I don’t-” 

“Show me.” He repeated, a shadow brushing the back of her neck in a comforting gesture, she could read the other words in his eyes; if you want to.

Damn her. She did. Her hands slipped between her thighs, keeping them closed as much as possible. Shadows tugged at her knees, cool air hit her, hit her bare cunt - she’d worn nothing beneath. He shook his head in an amused away, broken off by a low moan as Cassian’s hand twisted around his base. He still had a hand in the other male’s hair, slowly pushing him up and down. 

Her eyes fixed on him - on Cassian, as two fingers brushed up her folds, slowly beginning to explore herself. If they were going to put on a show, so could she. 

Azriel, she noticed, quickly lost any restraint and she dug her teeth into her bottom lip. His breathing grew heavier, faster as Cassian moved quicker, cheeks hollowing out as if he wanted to finish, if only to watch her. A different kind of power flooded through her, and she shot a half smirk at Azriel. A few minutes passed - maybe, she wasn’t keeping track, but he’d cursed under his breath, thighs clenching, and Cassian stilled.

She barely noticed as Cassian pulled away, finally caught in her own haze of lust. Something cool brushed against her inner thighs. She yelped, trying to shift but shadows wrapped around her thighs and held her in place. Azriel’s eyes met her own; say the word and it stops. She gave him a small nod, and her hands were pulled away, secured to the sides of the chair. She didn’t bother trying to hide her shaky exhale, or her racing heart. And couldn’t hide the arousal slowly pooling beneath her on the chair. The shadows seemed to solidify as they circled around her clit, inside her, trailing up and down her thighs. 

It took barely a minute before she was panting, soft whimpers leaving her mouth as she fought to keep the noise inside. If anything, the two of them looked … amused. No matter how attracted she felt to them, how much she wanted them to touch her, she wasn’t sure if she really could. Not with everything that had happened, everything still … happening. The thought drifted from her mind as the circling sped up, shadows almost vibrating against her. 

She couldn’t hide her noises this time, eyes half lidded but fixed on the two of them - how they watched her, as her walls clenched and thighs shook. 

Then, it was over - shadows gone and released. She tried to calm her racing heart, to steady her breath. 

“Satisfy your curiosity enough?” Cassian asked her, adding “Princess,” as an afterthought. Her legs snapped back together, dress pulled down to cover herself, and cheeks flushed. 

Her hands braced the sides of the chair. Fleeing, that was the best solution now. Why had she stayed? Well, she knows exactly why - but gods this was humiliating. A quick nod, and she shoved herself to her feet, having to keep a grip on the chair to stay steady.

“I thought I said to use your words.” Az said, the same firm tone as before, but he had a cruel smile playing on his lips as he turned to Cassian. “Didn’t I?” 

A low laugh left the other male. “You did.” 

“Seems she’s not capable of listening.” They spoke of her like she wasn’t there, and while his head was turned she started stumbling towards the door, legs still shaking. 

“Now you have something to fuel your fantasies,” she said over her shoulder, winking at them with false bravado, not even closing the door behind her. She only breathed once she’d reached the staircase, sitting heavily on the top step to try and get her heart to stop racing. From now on, she’d keep a glass of water in her room at night. 

-

“She liked it.” Cassian commented after the door closed. “We liked it,” he turned to Azriel - who now had an extra flush on his skin.

Still, he rolled his eyes. “Another thing for her to dream about.” 

“And us.” Azriel gave a noncommittal hum. “Think she’ll come back?” He leaned back on the bed, propping himself up on his forearms. He wondered if they’d been a bit too much. If they should’ve asked her to stay after, to reassure her somehow. Get her to relax. Mother save him - he wanted to touch her, hold her, do … too many things. 

Azriel only shrugged his shoulders before taking his leave, closing the door behind him. He flopped back on his bed, running his hands through his hair and hoping they hadn’t messed up. 

-

Azriel knew he had to find her, and slipped from Cassian’s room as quickly as he could. One of them might be better now, and considering he’d led her right into it - he knew it had to be him. Just to check she’s alright. 

Her defenses were down as he snuck up on her, sitting right on the top step. He made his footsteps heavier as he approached, taking a seat next to her - leaving a good foot of space between them. 

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled, hands covering her face. 

“Why?” Her hands slid up her face, tightening in her hair. “It doesn’t … have to happen again,” he offered when she didn’t reply.

“Right.” She said hoarsely. “A mistake.” 

His chest tightened. If that’s how she sees it … “Right.” 

The fingers tightly clenching her hair loosened, shoulders folding slightly inwards. Relief. 

“I’m … did I push too far?” Azriel felt unusually insecure. She wasn’t just anyone, for gods sake it was his brother’s younger cousin. One of his closest friends' younger sister. More importantly, his friend. 

“Nothing I didn’t want,” she finally looked at him. Cheeks still flushed, a half smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. For once, he couldn’t read her. “Consider my curiosity satisfied.” She shot a wink at him. Y/n rose, brushing her dress down, and turned back down the hallway. His eyes tracked her departing figure. Legs no longer shaky, shoulders held high. A string tugged at his chest. Go after her, a part of his subconscious rose, mistake, mistake, mistake another repeated - and he stayed in place. 

Something to fuel your fantasies. 

When she was out of hearing range, he let out a groan. 

-

Cassian was surprised when Azriel stalked back into his room. Less so when he explained the conversation he had. 

“Did she really call it a mistake?” He asked. He knew Az was telling the truth … but that didn’t seem like her. 

“She did. And looked relieved when I agreed.” Azriel replied. 

Cassian tensed next to him, he hoped y/n didn’t think Azriel spoke for the two of them, but realistically he knew she did. “I didn’t think it was one.” 

-

Mistake. Why the hell did she say that? It doesn’t have to happen … Does that mean he would’ve wanted it to? She got no sleep that night, the whole situation playing over and over again in her head. And the conversation after. Did she really want it to happen again? 

They’d built a friendship over the years, and she doesn’t want it to come tumbling down over this one incident. 

“Mistake,” she muttered to herself - drifting into sleep just before dawn.  

She startled as her door flew open. Cassian stood in the doorway - fully dressed in Illyrian leathers and grinning like the cat who caught the canary. 

“Noooo,” she groaned, shoving her face back into the pillow. 

“Long nights are no excuse.” She flipped him off and he let out a long-suffering sigh - but left. She hummed in content, and rolled back over to sleep. 

Sleep didn’t come, and a large bowl of ice cold water soaked her. She let out a screech loud enough he covered his ears. “I’ll kill you,” y/n snarled. 

He raised a brow, as if he was daring her. Her eyes rolled. “Get out, I need to change.” 

“Nothing I haven’t seen princess.” 

“Out,” she pointed to the door, but let out a low laugh. 

“I’ll be back in five,” he said over his shoulder. 

“Ten.” She countered. 

“Seven.” 

“Fine.” She glanced at the clock. He would be back in exactly seven minutes, she didn’t doubt that. 

At least he seemed to be acting as usual. Azriel, she’d have to see. There was no doubt in her mind he’d reported their conversation back to him. Az was harder to read, but he had his tells. 

-

I’ll see you soon, my heart. 

Be careful where you wander. 

I’m getting tired of waiting. 

Six months of this bullshit, she winced at the nickname - and he had the nerve to write it like a fucking poem. “Deranged,” she muttered, shoving it into the drawer. He couldn’t get to her, she reminded herself. For some reason, she hadn’t burnt them. Every time she went close to the fire, something stopped her. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip. Maybe it was time to say something. After the … mistake, a few nights ago - she didn’t know if they would react differently. But, she had reminded herself several times nothing had to be different. Nothing had to change. 

“What’s deranged?” An amused voice said from the door. Cassian. She froze, shoving the drawer closed before turning around, leaning back against the desk. His eyes narrowed, he’d clocked every movement on hers. “Keeping secrets?” He raised a brow, striding into her room. 

“No,” she answered, a bit too quickly. 

“We need to-” she heard Azriel from the doorway. A shadow curled around his shoulders, around his ears, and his shoulders tightened. 

“Secrets?” He murmured, following Cassian inside. 

“Did I invite you in?” Y/n snapped. Her heart raced, palms starting to sweat. They glanced at each other, before looking back at her. 

“Didn’t realize friends need an invitation.” Cassian drawled. Her hands tightened around the desk. Something about the word friends struck her, but she ignored it. “Have a secret lover?” If she didn’t know better, she’d say his voice was a little tight. 

“Maybe,” she teased, and both of their eyes flashed. Maybe it wasn’t as much of a mistake as she thought. Then, she thought of how much she was about to ruin, and braced herself. Her chest pricked, their proximity, combined with the proximity of the potential threat making the bargain tug on her. Her hand rubbed slightly at her collarbones, and she realized the mistake too late. “There’s … something I need to tell you. Please don’t be mad.” 

A heavy silence filled her room. “What is it?” Cassian’s voice was tight. 

“Don’t get angry.” She insisted. More silence. They wouldn’t make that promise. It was too late now to turn back, too late to refuse to tell them. 

She turned, heart racing, and slid open the drawer. Her hands shook violently as she gathered the balls of parchment, smoothing each one out as best she could. They waited for her and felt their stares - digging into her back and side like a brand. Footsteps sounded across the room as her hands tightened around the papers, eyes clenched shut. Wordlessly, and without sparing a glance in their direction, she held them out. 

-

Azriel took the papers from her hands, careful not to touch her. Cassian was a step behind. 

Azriel’s eyes were scanning the papers, but he kept his on hers. Her pretty eyes passed over him in favor of the exit as she took a step to the side. His wing reflexively flared, ushering her back towards them and blocking her path. In any other situation, he might have laughed but anxiety, guilt, and shame rolled from her in equal waves. They didn’t promise not to get angry, not wanting to make a promise they would break. Still, she was shaking like a leaf and he bumped her shoulder with his wing - in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. Only she retreated back into herself more, shoulders curving inwards. He frowned. 

Beside him, Azriel was too still. Confident y/n wouldn’t flee, he looked over his shoulder. He hadn’t missed how she rubbed the bargain tattoo on her chest and a pit grew in his stomach. 

Several minutes passed as they read together. Azriel would read one before passing it off to him. Letters dating back to months ago, she’d organized them by date. A faint and unfamiliar male scent lingered. A fiery rage grew inside of him with each one. 

-

As he finished the last letter, Azriel spotted the envelope on the desk and snatched it. Addressed to her, her friends name on the outside, but someone else's signing off at the bottom. He’d kept an eye out for any letters or packages coming in after the incident. His anger was split between her, the male, and himself. 

“Did you reply to any of these?” He asked, tilting his head to look at her. She shook her head, avoiding his gaze. A muscle in his jaw clenched. “Look at me.” She blinked and slowly did, her shoulder straightened, chin lifted, but a slight tremor in her hands remained and a few tears pricked the corner of her eyes. 

“Why didn’t you say something?” His eyes dropped to the tattoo on her chest, peeking out above her top. ‘Anyone does that to you again, you tell us.’ They never specified when. In his peripheral, Cassian looked ready to throttle her or break something. 

“I just did.” She snapped at him, her temper flaring. 

“Why didn’t you say anything six fucking months ago?” Cassian finally exploded. 

“They were harmless.” Y/n matched his pitch. 

“If you really thought they were harmless, why did you keep them?” Azriel added cooly. Cooly, but he was struggling to keep his temper in check. 

“I tried to get rid of them.” 

“And why couldn’t you?” He asked mildly. 

“Because of this,” she waved at her chest. Point made.

“Magic,” he emphasized, “thought they were a threat.” 

“No.” A muscle in her jaw clenched. “Magic thought it was something similar. That doesn’t make it a threat.” 

Cassian let out a disbelieving laugh. He was inclined to do the same. 

She ran her hands through her hair, “Can we talk about this tomorrow?” 

“No.” They both answered at the same time. 

“We had an agreement.” Cassian added. 

“It wasn’t a fair bargain.” She winced after. She did set it up, after all. 

“It’s supposed to keep you safe,” Cassian kept arguing with her. 

“I can handle myself.” Her eyes were starting to line with tears. Cassian was still angry. He knew that anger - the kind that wouldn’t stop for anything. Wouldn’t stop until he left a path of destruction behind him. 

“Really?” Cassian’s brows rose, “Can you? If you can’t recognize a fucking threat?” He was nearly yelling, almost screaming at her. 

“Out,” Azriel all but ordered, shoving him out the door. “Cool off.” 

Cassian snarled at him, but left without another word. 

Azriel fixed her with a look, and she fidgeted - some of the temporary bravado falling away. His delivery wasn’t any gentler, but at least he wasn’t quite bubbling over with rage. 

“He’s right. The problem is you don’t fucking think.” Cold, he kept his voice as cold as ice. Let every bit of disappointment, anger, and betrayal sink in. 

“What do you mean?” Her entire body seemed to stiffen, expression turning to stone. 

His filter disappeared as the words came out. “Why didn’t you leave autumn early?” 

Her eyes shuttered closed. “So this is my fault now?” 

“Don’t put words in my mouth.” It was too late for him to take it back. He couldn’t understand why she didn’t leave. Didn’t take herself out of a dangerous situation. 

“You made it pretty fucking clear.” 

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t show Rhys.” He switched angles, he knew the loopholes as well as she did. 

“I can’t.” Honesty, finally a bit of truth out of her. Tears finally dripped down her cheeks, her face fell, eyes turning empty as her body seemed to cave in on itself. Azriel could stomach a lot of things, but the broken look in her eyes … he had to turn away and leave, before he gave into the temptation to go hunt that male down, hunt him for causing this. Even though he knew part of it was his fault. 

Go back. Go back. His shadows were almost pleading, but he ignored them, only sending one to keep an eye on her. Hopefully keep her from doing anything else stupid. Or at least giving him a warning. 

After he was out the door, he realized he’d left the letters behind. He debated turning back to get them … later, he could find those later. Now, he needed to find Cassian. 

-

Her jaw was open as Azriel left the room. Turned his back on her. Maybe she had messed up - but to imply what happened was her fault? 

They can’t understand if you don’t tell them, said a soft feminine voice. One she recognized well enough. 

“Why do I have to explain my trauma?” She murmured out loud. The priestesses had recommended journaling, but anything written down would be fair game here. 

Her eyes spotted the letters still on the table. She could hide them now. Gods, she wanted to be petty like that … but if Azriel genuinely thought he was a threat. A threat to her could put others in danger, and that’s not something she could handle. 

A plan formed; find him, give him the letters, get the fuck out of here. 

She gathered them, and mustered as much confidence as she could to stride out of the room. 

Her senses took her down the hall, down a set of stairs, to a smaller office, not used frequently. Did they meet here frequently? She shoved the very inappropriate thought out of her mind. 

Sure enough, they were liplocked when she entered. Surprisingly, they burst apart as she flung the door open, letting it bang against the opposite wall. Maybe they mistook her for someone else. She only tossed the papers at him, letting them flutter to the floor in front of him. 

“Here’s your evidence,” she put as much venom into her voice as she could, and pivoted to leave. Plan almost finished. They were out of her hands now, out of sight and maybe out of mind. At least she was halfway there.

Azriel re-appeared in front of her, using his shadows to move through the small space. She startled, stumbling backwards - her back hit the desk and she braced her hands on it. 

“Don’t leave Velaris.” Every word was laced with a threat and warning. 

“Don’t tell me what to do.” 

“I’ll drop you off in the House of Wind if I have to.” 

Every muscle in her body went stiff. 

Fifteen years old, her first attempt to leave Hewn City. A door closed. Locks slamming on the outside. Wards trapping her in. Suffocating, she couldn’t breathe - not even the windows would open. She grabbed at her hair, pulling angrily against it - like the pain might bring her back down to earth. “No no no no,” she ran to the door, trying the lock again. 

“Get it together,” a voice snapped her out of her reverie. Cassian was in her face. A small bit of worry showed in his eyes, but overshadowed by his anger. She flinched, shrinking back into herself. 

He blinked, and took a step back. She was shaking, why was she shaking? Get it together, she repeated his words to herself, and managed to straighten her shoulders. 

“Fine. I’ll play by your rules.” For now, went unsaid. Cassian’s brow furrowed. Probably confused by how easily she gave in. “But,” she fixed Azriel with a pointed stare, “don’t think I've forgiven you.” 

He let her shove past him, stalking out the door. 

“What did you do?” She heard Cassian. 

“Nothing. She’s overreacting.” 

Part three. Get the fuck out of here. She had to do that, or she might say something she really regrets. 

-

They stayed well out of each other's paths. 

Technically, the library was open from dawn till dusk. She took every advantage of it, throwing herself into work and convincing Mor to train after dinner or haunting one of her friends' doorsteps if she wasn’t available. Her sister didn’t question it. Half of her expected the small tattoo to start pricking at her, but it hadn’t. Maybe the intention behind it was not to hide inside the house. Either way, she wouldn’t question it. By some miracle, she’d managed to avoid both of them - although they were in Velaris. A strong shield around her room kept sounds out and in while she was sleeping. Pride kept her from asking if they were staying somewhere else.

“Will you train me?” She’d asked Mor later that day. 

She shot her a surprised look. “I thought Cassian did.” 

“I need a break from him.” 

Mor looked contemplative. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” she gave an exasperated sigh. 

“I thought you’d never ask.” The wicked glint in her eye made y/n think she might regret this. 

Her efforts lasted for two weeks. 

-

She was pinned against a brick wall, one arm against her throat, cutting off her windpipe. Another hand lifted her dress, “I know you like playing hard to get,” a voice whispered in her ear, teeth biting at her neck … 

The scene changed, a gentle hand brushed against her cheek, lips grazed against hers - before she was shoved back. She couldn’t see, everything was hazy but the voice was clear as day; “I don’t want anything to do with you.” Azriel. “We don’t want anything to do with you.” Cassian. 

Her body lurched forward and she clutched her hand to her mouth. Not as bad as last time. Her hand reached for her nightstand, grabbing the glass of water she always kept there. Moving on muscle memory, she brought it to her lips, waiting for the cool liquid to slide down her throat. 

Empty. Her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose. Was it worth wandering downstairs? Her stomach churned again and she flung herself out of bed, not bothering to put on shoes as she stumbled for the doorway, clutching her glass to her chest like a child with a doll. 

A small fae light grew from her palm to hover above her, guiding her down, down, down towards the kitchen. Twisting the tap, water filled her glass to the brim. The cold liquid slid down her throat, soothing the burning. Two chugged glasses later, she filled it again to take it downstairs. The door hinges creaked behind her, and she spun around - water sloshing over the sides of the glass, dripping down her bare thigh. She couldn’t move. 

Cassian stood in the door, wings tucked in tight, still in his leathers - hair tousled as if he’d just flown in. The first time she’d seen him in two weeks. His eyes tracked the water dripping down her thigh, before darting back up to hold her gaze, his expression unreadable, his hand white-knuckling the doorknob. Twelve soft chimes of the clock. Midnight. He turned, closing the door behind him with a soft snick. Something in her chest cleaved. Wood dug into her back as she slid to the floor. 

[incarnadin3]

How Obey Me Brothers realized they were in love with MC: Part Three, Leviathan

A/N: Thank you so much for all the love you guys have been showing on my blog! This part was a bit harder because I don't personally interact with Leviathan's character too much in game. However, I do hope you guys enjoy, and please excuse any mistakes! Enjoy~

Leviathan: The Hard-core Otaku Thirdborn

Part of being the Avatar of Envy meant that he barely ever came out of his room, unless he needed food or wanted to go shopping for merch.

He was so much of a shut-in that at times whenever he came out of his room, Asmo and Mammon would sarcastically say "Cursed shit, you exist?!"

When him and MC first became friends, he couldn't believe someone like them would even want to be friends with him. So when they started dating? The poor demon nearly passed away.

MC wasn't necessarily into anime as much as him, but they were a great listener. When they first became friends, Leviathan would often rant to them about the latest anime, or manga that he saw. He didn't think they remembered, but little did he know that they took every single word to heart.

Tomorrow was his birthday, the first birthday he was having since they began dating. MC had been pestering him lately asking him what he wanted. Leviathan merely shrugged, he wasn't the type to ask for a specific gift, he just loved surprises. So when MC took him to a pop-up anime merch store, he tried his best not to look in their cart as they browsed the aisles, wanting to keep it a surprise.

However, he couldn't help but look as MC picked out the one book he had always hated. My Girlfriend Of 2 Years Handmade A Figurine That Was Never Released To Public Centuries Ago.

He hated that book because it reminded him of the time when centuries ago, specifically 5 centuries, 8 decades, 3 years, and 6 months ago, when he had wanted a limited addition figurine for his birthday, and he had spent a lot of Grimm to pre-order it, only to find out on the day of his birthday that the release had been cancelled, and he would not receive the figurine nor the Grimm back. When he had a mental breakdown and cried, all hid brothers told him, "it's just a figurine"

But it wasn't just a figurine, and that memory hurt him like holy water. When he told MC about this, he didn't think they cared because they merely nodded and moved on from the topic.

When he asked MC why they bought this specific manga, they just said he'd like it, and said sorry for ruining the surprise.

Of course he didn't have it in his heart to remind him that merely two days ago he had said he hated that manga.

"Of course they forgot, i'm just a yucky otaku."

So the next day, as usual, throughout the day one by one the brothers came in and gave him gifts, all of which were either figurines, manga, or a new anime. And in Beel's case, along with empty candy wrappers, because he ate the candy on the way to Levi's room.

Towards the end of his birthday, when MC walked into his room, with the manga in hand, he barely blinked, offering a soft smile as he took the gift.

"Flip to the last page, Levi"

His brows furrowed as he complied, turning to the last page of the manga. To his surprise, instead of the ending being there, there was a envelope in it. Slowly, he picked up the light blue envelope, and opened it, to find a small note inside the said, Come outside.

He looked up to see MC sporting a nervous smile as they gently lead him outside. As they stepped into the courtyard, Levi's jaw dropped in shock as a stunning 5'5 inch sculpture of Ruri-chan greeted him. But there was something different about this one. Something he couldn't quite place until it hit him like a sack of bricks. It was the same figure he had wanted all those centuries ago. The one he had wanted. The one in the manga. He smiled tearfully as MC told him they had been making it ever since he told them about it. His MC, remembered something that his brothers forgot the day after it happened? MC truly was special, and he would not let them go. Ever.

Being the Avatar of Envy meant that he barely ever talked to anyone, let alone this very own brothers. So for MC to remember something he thought they had forgotten, and then make it for him? It sparked something in him, and for the first time, that feeling wasn't envy.

Of course MC knows that their boyfriend thinks his brothers don't care, and forgot, but little does he know, that they're the reason this statue came to be in the first place. They just didn't want him to know, and that's a secret MC will happily take to their grave.

[hellyrossum]

bits of r.u.r. that remind me of severance (or are otherwise interesting)

r.u.r., also known as rossum's universal robots, is a czech play from the early 1920s that i first heard of years ago. it's notable in the canon of science fiction for introducing the word "robot" to the english language, derived from the czech word "robota" meaning "servitude / forced labor". it's a play about artificial life made to be workers, and what happens when those workers rebel against their masters. and it features a woman named helena.

that's how the play was recently brought to the forefront of my mind. between the releases of s2 eps 2 and 3, i was looking up the meaning of the name helena and other people/characters who have been given that name, in search of any potential inspirations for severance's helena having been named as such. when i found this play's helena, helena glory, the bit of context i read seemed so insane a coincidence that i decided to read the full play (thank you project gutenberg), in case of any other connections. and, well.

(this is going to be less a proper analysis of the play than a summary that highlights particular sections/ideas. if you're a fan of severance's capitalism critique and philosophical exploration of what makes someone worthy of being considered a person, i highly recommend reading / listening to / watching r.u.r. for yourself!)

backstory for the play: the og mr. rossum invented a substance that could serve as the building blocks of artificial life. he wanted to pursue the further development of this artificial life for philosophical reasons, to see if humanity could effectively replace god, but his nephew took over and was only interested in using them to get rich. by the time of the play proper, robots are used all over the world as cheap labor.

in act 1, a young woman named helena glory goes to a factory that makes and "employs" robots. helena is the daughter of an industry titan, but she reveals that she's here as representative of the Humanity League, a group that wants to liberate the robots. (you see why reading just this on the wikipedia page caught my brain on fire, right. the double life of it all.)

at the factory, helena proves to be not actually that knowledgeable about the robots; her initial response to seeing one, a secretary named stella, is to insist she must be human because she's too lifelike, and then when the managers of the company come in she assumes that they must also be robots (and makes her case to them for their own liberation), only to learn they're not. harry domin, the chief manager, told her that the employees and officials are robots, but then (after they all have a laugh at her expense) he says of course the managers aren't; a robot could never. bosseshumans are still necessary, as the top of the hierarchy, telling the workersrobots what to do. (but isn't the fact that managers could be confused for robots telling in itself? looks at people's early theories about cobel and milchick. and miss huang.)

the six men all insist that the robots are simply tools/machines, but helena belives they have souls — or, if not, then they should get to have them. this is the philosophical conflict that essentially fuels the rest of the play, and so here is where i start posting screenshots.

guys. is this not. the literal philosophy behind creating innies (as workers, at least). you make a worker who only knows work, will forever only know work, and they will only think of work (right?).

there's something very lumon to me about this bit also:

(i'm not going to screenshot it but. would you believe me if i said shortly after this there's a reference to pineapples.)

and then. the bit where a certain someone's name started blaring in my head.

i don't even need to say it. you're thinking of her too, aren't you.

immediately after this we learn that the head scientist is currently working on developing pain nerves for the robots, which is. so normal. so normal to build the experience of pain into your artificial workers so they don't gum up your production line with their injuries. so they learn how to behave correctly. so normal.

in the interest of not including every moment of the play in this post, we'll skip ahead to when the act ends: dormin says he's fallen in love with helena and traps her into an engagement with him, saying that if she doesn't accept his proposal on the spot, one of the other five men will have her. yeah. as it turns out, this story is not only about how workers are treated like property/resources, but also how women are. another thing it has in common with severance :)

in fact, if that last plot point has you thinking about some disturbing implications that were brought to the forefront in the latest severance episode (s2ep9), you are not alone. neither are you alone if it has you thinking of s2ep7. put a pin in that.

now for act 2, we skip ahead 10 years and find ourselves in domin's home, on an island. the men are waiting for a certain ship to arrive at the harbor that will be their ticket to safety. see, after years of the robots becoming more and more central to the economy — and the military — the robots have, who could've guessed, started a world-wide revolution. the ship will be the men and helena's arc, so to speak; a safe place for them to wait out the violence.

(they plan to take control back from the robots, in the end, and part of those plans includes making them "national" robots instead of "universal" ones, essentially designing different races of them, for the sake of creating divisions between them. which is pretty on-the-nose social commentary... and also reminiscent of the way lumon seeded fear and resentment between the different severed departments.)

helena has not yet been informed of any of this. we see her have this very noteworthy (imo) exchange with her nurse nana:

but then she reads the news and learns not only of the uprisings and assassinations, but also that, in the past week, not a single human being has been born. importantly, even as some of the robots have somehow developed human emotions and the desire for self-determination, the one thing that has kept them distinguishable from humans is their inability to reproduce; they require the manuscript from the original rossum to be able to make more of themselves. the manuscript that helena, upon realizing that humans have stopped having kids precisely because the robots are making them superfluous, burns.

before that, though, she speaks with one of the in-house robots, radius, who's been having "episodes" of destroying things.

this convo, in addition to making me foam at the mouth, establishes something very important that we later learn is true of the robot revolution as a whole. the robots don't want to coexist as equals with humans; they want to conquer humanity. they carry the human's belief in domination and seek to pay back the cruelty that has been shown to them in kind.

("What I want is for her to wake up while the life drains out of her and to know it was me who did it.")

[screenshot from much later but to prove the point:]

speaking of that cruelty. some more lumon ass testing floor as shit:

DR. GALL: [...] do you know, I don’t believe the rascal is a Robot at all any longer. HELENA: Doctor, has Radius a soul? DR. GALL: (Over to couch) He’s got something nasty.

and it's after that that helena thinks to ask about dr. gall's other experiment, and i drop the bomb i've kept hidden from you all:

yup :) there's an innierobot helena too :) modeled after the real one :) "If you were to wake up only for a moment you would kill me for having made you.” yeah. yeah she would. yeah.

here is where i remind you of the pin we put in the men all treating human helena as property, no more a person than the robot workers. of the similarities to the subtext of jame and helena-helly's dynamic in s2ep9, and of dr. mauer and gemma in s2ep7. this man who (like every other guy in the play) is infatuated with helena made a version of her who's literally property. he experimented on her. he continues to monitor her. he sees her as braindead and useless, but lovely. she's a failure.

there's a lot of interesting stuff that happens / is discussed in the next act and a half but i'm going to try to stick to highlights. tl;dr the robots raid the island; domin laments that he was trying to create a world where man was free of labor with the robots (to which i say: there are plenty in history who've said they're acting to free all of mankind from drudgery by assigning that drudgery to a group they consider nonpersons); he has a vision of exactly how he and his friends are going to die(???); and then dr. gall confesses:

DR. GALL: I changed the character of the Robots. I changed the way of making them. Just a few details about their bodies. Chiefly—chiefly, their—their irritability. [...] I was transforming them into human beings.

(remember that helly r core line about the soul? does it first show itself with the gnashing of teeth?)

the thing is, he did not have this idea on his own. helena (human helena) asked him to do it.

perhaps it was a noble pursuit, from a certain point of view. but you could also argue that it wasn't, that she only wanted it for selfish reasons — for the robots to understand and accept humanity, out of fear of what they would do otherwise — not for the sake of broadening their own horizons and possibilities. (remember that it's been ten years since her activist days, and now she lives in a house where multiple robots are "employed" as servants.) i'd say it's reminiscent of milchick's attempted reforms in season 2, in a way.

it also makes me think about the end of s2ep9; how mark, devon and (presumably) cobel are betting on innie mark understanding and helping them with saving gemma without really taking his own wants and agency into account. same applies to reghabi; for all her talk in s1ep6 of mark having brought his innie into this world for his own convenience, she sure doesn't do anything in s2 to advocate for getting innie mark's consent for the reintegration procedure or just. considering what his perspective on this will be.

of course, since helena, human as she is, is still considered property by the men around her, they don't ask her perspective either when deciding how they'll deal with the robots at their door — and when she points it out, her husband calls her a child. and yet, the men go on to say this:

queen of the final human empire, eh. queen in name only, most likely, right. that doesn't sound familiar at all :)

we're basically at the end now, i promise. the act closes with the robots breaking in and all the humans getting killed — not just the ones we know, but all humans on earth. all minus one: alquist, formerly the rossum company's builder (the closest of all the men to a standard worker).

we see in the final act that he's been put by the robots to the task of recreating the formula for producing more robots, more artificial life, and has had no success. in desperation, the robots volunteer to let alquist dissect them to find the answers, but he recognizes their fear of death and can't bring himself to do it.

(compare this fear of death evident in the robot leader flinching away from alquist even after he volunteers himself for dissection to this bit from all the way in act 1 (which reminds me in an agonizing way of mark and ms. casey's convo in s1ep8):

DOMIN: You see, Miss Glory, the Robots have no interest in life. They have no enjoyments. They are less than so much grass.

one of the robots chastizes alquist for his failure, for not being as "strong" as them. he falls asleep. and then, two different robots enter the scene. one we know, one we don't. they speak of the beauty of the sunrise; and an abandoned cottage they found with two dogs who licked their hands; and each other. they laugh.

laughter makes you human, or is at least a sign of humanity. finding humor, joy in something other than your purpose. (thinks about helena laughing at helly's coupon-cutting joke. thinks about helena letting herself laugh out loud at the dieter story.)

now, here is where we return to that pinned point one final time.

thankfully, helena is spared. primus offers himself in her place, which moves helena to tears. she then offers to go instead of primus, threatening to kill herself otherwise. to which primus responds:

and that's the end.

... so. it's not like anyone at lumon (minus maybe possibly milchick?) is just going to let mark and [gemma] [helly-helena] leave together. certainly dr. mauer, or jame eagan, wouldn't be so magnanimous.

maybe this is more a vision of the end of the series as currently only exists in dan erikson's head than of the finale we're getting in a few days. or maybe it's nothing to severance at all.

but. i have heard what that final shot of ep10 is going to be. and for those who know... do you see it? how it's both an echo and the opposite?

that's going to be my final word on this play for now, because i spent nearly my full work shift on this and i suspect i'm nearing my word count. i hope you severance fans got something out of this*, even though it was more summarizing and pointing at things than active analysis. tl;dr you should read / watch / listen to rossum's universal robots

*specifically @kendrysaneela since you asked for this. hope you enjoyed :)

[owliellder]

The Finer Details

Post DI! Leon Kennedy x f! Painter Reader

MDNI 18+

(Session 1, Session 2, Session 3, Session 4, Session 5, The Reveal)

Description: Leon realizes that retirement is in his best interest now that he's getting older. All of his accomplishments as an agent mean he's truly earned a painting to commemorate..

Warnings: Not Proofread, Age gap! (reader is anywhere between mid-late 20's and Leon is 40), Porn w/ Plot, Use of she/her pronouns, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Alcoholism, mentions of trauma/PTSD/depression, P in V smut (wrap it NEOW), Leon cries during sex 💔

Tags: Older Leon Kennedy, Younger afab!Reader, Leon is SAD but he is your muse, Crying, mentions of Leon masturbating, starts off with Dom! Leon and Sub! Reader, falls into switch territory because that man needs some serious TLC, Praise kink, Hickeys, Handjob, Nipple play, Oral sex (m! and f! receiving), and a heavy dose of Aftercare

Final Word Count: 22.6k

Author's Note: Ta-da! I put a lot of work into this last chapter, like actually becoming the president for a couple hours, but I really wanted to make it worth everyone's time for sticking around and reading all the way through.

Thank you so much for following along! All the sweet comments from you guys never fails to make my day!

^//v//^

Cross posted on AO3

The Reveal

Almost three months.

It took almost three months for Leon's portrait to fully dry after it had been varnished. You'd checked it almost daily after the two month mark due to Leon's constant pestering. He was understandably antsy, and admittedly, you were too.

There was a lot of convincing involved, but you managed to keep the man at home while you transported the painting to the White House. He worried it would be damaged en-route. Such a little worry wart.

Setting up the painting's respective spot a column away from Chris and Claire's seemed very appropriate; tall, fake bushes sitting on either side of where it would be placed, a warm yellow bulb lighting up the inside of the decorative archway, and the patterned golden frame where the canvas would forever be now hung empty in that portrait hallway, waiting to be pieced together and completed.

The shiny gold placard had already been screwed onto the frame, words zapped on it via laser:

Leon S. Kennedy

USSTRATCOM Agent from 1998 - 2011

D.S.O. Agent from 2011 - 2017

You knew how long he'd been working as an agent, but it was still baffling nonetheless. Nearly 20 years of non-stop intense and usually very traumatizing work, what a feat.

Moving on, you'd worked out the plans for Leon's farewell party with the President and a few coordinators over the span of a few days, making sure to store the painting in a secure room for the time being. It was to stay covered with a violet piece of velvet cloth up until the reveal at the party, no one was allowed to see it besides you, the President, and the various security guards working the grounds.

After another two extra months of waiting, the farewell party was drawing near. There had to be enough time given for invitations to be sent out to people, wait for said people to RSVP, and allow travel time. And at this point, Leon was busting at the seams; extremely nervous, excited, and even a little scared at the prospect of it all.

Your words from that second painting session all those months ago never left his mind: "Seeing the portrait once it's finished is going to be an incredibly emotional ordeal. It's a reminder that this is truly the end of an era for you, Mr. Kennedy..."

The man clung to that, doing his best to internalize it and mentally prepare himself for what was to come. He was hoping you were exaggerating, but from what Chris, Claire, and even Jill have told him about their experience after the fact, he knew deep down that you'd seen it all too well before.

What Leon failed to realize was that he wasn't alone anymore. Sure he had his friends to help, but he'd never had someone to come home to everyday.

During the last few sessions, he had asked to stay with you at your apartment, citing the potential aftermath of the party as reasoning. However, you really didn't need him to explain his reasoning, you would've let him. Even if he just felt like it, you would've welcomed him with opened arms.

Besides, he'd already been staying at your place for longer periods of time over the months. You'd visited his house a few times, but he made sure to whine and complain about how bare and boring it was. If you remember correctly, Leon had said, word for word, that your apartment "felt like a warm hug". With that, he shelled up with you in only a couple weeks before the painting had dried. He made special effort to learn your routine, wanting to give you the space that you needed while also maximizing his time spent with you.

Leon was an actual angel, you were wholeheartedly convinced. Some days you would come home after working on another painting to the man cooking dinner, having bought an expensive wine to share with you. When your hands would start to ache and your back and shoulders were sore from the long hours spent holding a paintbrush in an awkward hunched position, he would set aside anything he had going on just to give you all the massages, kisses, and love that you could ever want.

Nothing was ignored when it came to you and your wants and needs. Leon admitted awhile back that he felt guilty for intruding on your space, though you were very quick to shut that down. He was far from a burden, actually lining up more with a dream come true.

And just like he did with you, you spared nothing while getting to know the in's and out's of the man that occupied your mind, heart, and home. You learned his favorite meals, watched his favorite shows and movies with him, returning the massages when he would return from the gym, and paid extra attention to how he liked to be held at night. Who would've guessed that the Leon Kennedy loved to be the little spoon?

What you spent the most time on was making sure to listen when he suddenly went on tangents about his past. They really did haunt him. You would wake up in the middle of the night to him huddled at the top of the bed, arms wrapped around his legs and head between his knees as he did his best to cry quietly. All you could do for him in those moments was pull him against your chest, gently rocking him back and forth while whispering sweet nothings, just until he felt either ready to talk or ready to fall back asleep. If he just wanted more comfort, then that's what he got, obviously.

He was only recently put on a couple medications to help him better manage his PTSD and anxiety since he really had to cut back on the alcohol in order to take them the way he needed. Definitely worth it to both you and him seeing as his nightmares lessened in intensity and frequency.

Now here you were, straightening out Leon's tie for him since his hands were failing him, nerves getting the better of him. He had taken his meds a few minutes ago, wanting to have the full effect during the party to combat any destructive behaviors during it, so it was no wonder his hands were still trembling.

"You're going to do so well, Leon." You smiled, giving him a gentle pat between his pecs after tucking his tie into his suit jacket. He was staring straight ahead, eyebrows furrowed with worry as he stared at himself in the mirror. "You've made so much progress and I couldn't be any prouder."

He licked his dry lips before slowly looking down at you, giving you the best smile he could, which was really just him pulling his lips back tight. If it weren't for you constantly being around to encourage him and push him to get better, he would not be able to attend his own farewell party.

How had he managed to get so far without this level of love and care? Where would he even be without you? Hopefully later when his mind isn't racing a million miles per minute, Leon will be able to tell you just how lucky he is to have you in his life.

Leon watched you in the mirror as you walked around to stand behind him, straightening out his suit jacket in random spots until deciding to just wrap your arms around his midriff, pressing the side of your face against his back with a content sigh. He brought his still-trembling hands up to hold onto your arms, rubbing his thumbs up and down across your soft skin.

His eyes settled back on his own face after staring at your arms linked around him, letting out a shaky sigh of his own as he attempted to just focus on this moment. You were perfect, ethereal, a true work of art. He wouldn't trade any of this for the world.

It took some time, about an hour, before Leon's medication was starting to kick in. You were definitely a big help, he couldn't give all the credit to his meds.

His relaxed demeanor wasn't easy to spot, the man was just naturally rigid, but you waited until he let you know that he was ready; ready to go to his farewell party, ready to see the portrait you painted for him, ready to put in the effort into accepting the next chapter in his life.

The drive to the White House was seamless, having been picked up in a blacked out SUV that held four personal guards, courtesy of the President. Leon wasn't going to complain, he actually kind of liked the pampering effect that came with being driven around by a dedicated entourage.

Almost all good feelings were drained from Leon when the car finally pulled up to the front of the White House where more guards stood waiting to escort the two of you inside. It was still early in the night, but the sun had set long ago, making for quite the beautiful atmosphere.

He could see numerous party attendees walking up the stairs, dressed up in their fanciest outfits for him. He held your hand the entire way up the stairs and into the entrance hall with a grip that was sure to leave your hand hurting. No matter, you could tell he needed you. That vice grip he had was well worth it for his comfort.

There were quite a few more people than either you or Leon expected. It seems as if all available agents, young, old, and retired, had been sent an invitation for tonight, along with quite a few high-ranking government workers. Luckily, this was a private event; no reporters, no news, only those who had been fortunate enough to be invited.

The first to spot you two was Chris who quickly made his way over to pull Leon into a bone-crushing hug, giving him a few solid pats on the back before letting go. Leon only reciprocated the hug with one hand, the other refusing to let go of yours, though his grip had loosened by now.

"Where's Claire?" Leon muttered, leaning to the side to scan over the sizeable crowd. "She's.." Chris turned around to also scan the crowd, squinting a bit as he looked. "She's somewhere. My wife is with her, her family, and Jill."

Leon pursed his lips with a curt nod, humming quietly in acknowledgement before standing straight again. He glanced down at where his hand held yours, squeezing it again for just a second as if to remind himself that you haven't gone anywhere.

Chris had turned back around to see the small gesture Leon gave to you, a coy smirk on his face. "What uhh... what's all this, huh?" He subtly pointed between you and the other man, voice lowered.

Leon cleared his throat and looked around to make sure no one was close enough to hear despite the volume in the hall. "... M'gonna save that for the-.. the speech." Chris just nodded, crossing his arms before slowly turning to look through the crowd again. "Alright, well, let me go find the family and bring them over before you're swarmed." And with that, Chris made his way back into the crowd.

Unfortunately, Leon had been spotted by the rest of the partygoers before Chris could return with everyone. Many pleasantries were repeated while also returning small talk with the people he recognized, which was a lot. You managed to avoid most of it, only being questioned a few times due to the rather obvious hold the man had on you. Despite having attended the last few parties like this, most people unable to recognize you as the artist. A blessing and a curse.

The next couple hours were spent eating finger foods, conversing with whoever, and enjoying the way Leon started to flow with the event. He soon found his way to Chris, Claire, their partners and kids, and Jill which really helped him loosen up. He needed the more familiar faces, having now let go of your hand fully to talk more animatedly with them. You made sure to stick by his side as long as you could, letting out a soft laugh every time you noticed his quick glances over to you to check if you're still there.

The time eventually did come for you to part with Leon, signaling a couple guards to follow you down a few hallways until reaching the room where the portrait sat, still covered with the violet cloth. The decision to keep it back here for so long was made by the President, wanting less of a sudden reveal and more of a build up.

Normally it would already be hanging in the entrance hall, covered and ready to be revealed, but not wanting to risk any potential damage, you were asked to hold off bringing it in until the President was ready to give the speech leading up to Leon's.

It'd been set in the golden frame rather quickly with the help from one of the guards that walked down with you. You had the guard to hold it up for you so you could give it one final good look before he was instructed to lead you back. After recovering, you took the portrait in both hands, holding it close as you were escorted back through the halls and into the main entrance hall.

By now everyone had directed their focus closer to the center of the back wall. Next to where the President stood, your own art easel was now set up. That was mostly as homage to you and it wasn't like anyone besides you would understand that it's yours, though Leon did pick up on that little feature. He'd been staring at the back of that thing for months, counted the various old streaks of paint on the pale wood over and over.

It made his farewell all the more personal, struggling to mask the feeling of the ever-growing pit in his stomach from the friends he was still standing next to.

The sound of a mic being tapped drew everyone's attention in to the President, the volume in the hall quieting to a whisper, soon completely silent as he began to speak into the mic;

"Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you to honor and pay tribute to a true hero, a dedicated public servant, and a loyal friend who has served our nation with unwavering dedication for the past 19 years. It is with great respect and admiration that I address you on this occasion, as we bid farewell to a remarkable agent who has exemplified the very best qualities of service and sacrifice." As the President spoke, Leon held his breath, hands gripping onto his suit jacket to keep from trembling again.

At this point, you'd silently walked along the side with the guards from before, bringing the covered portrait up to the front before carefully placing it on your easel. "Throughout this nation's history, these agents have played an essential role in ensuring the safety and security of our nation's people and have consistently placed their lives on the line to protect the sanctity of our democracy. And today, we acknowledge one agent who has done so with unparalleled devotion."

"This retiring agent has been a silent sentinel, ensuring the continuity of our democratic ideals. Through countless hours of training, vigilance, and selflessness, they have demonstrated a level of commitment that is nothing short of extraordinary. But beyond their exceptional professional duties, this agent has been a friend and a confidant to those of us privileged to work alongside them. They have been a source of strength, a steady hand in turbulent times, and a symbol of the unbreakable bond that can form within the ranks of those who dedicate their lives to service."

You positioned yourself opposite of the President, placing your hands behind your back to keep your posture tall as you now smiled at the crowd, subtly scanning for Leon. His eyes were already on you when you found him, and your smile only widened further.

It prompted his own nervous smile, toying with the buttons on his jacket while turning his attention back to the President, wanting to remain respectful to his, honestly, very flattering speech so far. You followed Leon's eyes, seemingly having the same idea to just watch and listen.

"The sacrifices made by our agents often go unnoticed by the public, and that is by design. Their commitment to duty is matched only by their humility. But today, we pause to recognize and celebrate this retiring agent's dedication, valor, and sacrifice." The President continued to address the attendees in the room, giving you a quick nod before returning his focus to everyone in the entrance hall.

The President outstretched his hand towards Leon standing in the crowd, now staring at him with a prideful yet relaxed look. "To Mr. Leon S. Kennedy, our retiring agent and loyal friend, thank you for your 19 years of dedicated service to our nation. May your retirement be filled with the peace and contentment that you so richly deserve. You leave behind a legacy of honor and courage that will never be forgotten." The crowd of attendees clapped and cheered briefly, causing Leon to reach his hand up to wipe across his face. A poor way to hide his red face. He's done that before, hasn't he?

Once the crowd quieted back down, the President finished his speech with a classic, "May God bless you, your family, and may God continue to bless the United States of America. Thank you" before the crowd picked back up cheering and clapping. You clapped along with them, laughing at Leon's flustered expression. He could barely hold back his smile, not really have expecting to be so well recognized for his service.

Leon's queue to make his way to the front was when the President walked over to stand next to you, making sure not to block the covered portrait from anyone's view. He'd recited this speech to you countless times, even more to himself when he was alone, but all those eyes staring at him were causing him to fumble. He messed around with the mic once he was standing in front of it, and that was your queue to walk over and stand next to him, placing a loving hand on his forearm.

That's all he needed, just a little extra encouragement from the person he relied on the most. His speech was short and straight to the point, never having been a man of professional word, yet he still managed to slip in some words of praise for you and all the help you provided him during his rough patch earlier in the year.

Neither you or Leon had outright said it to each other, let alone to anyone else, but hearing him announce to the entire hall of people that you were his girlfriend made your heart soar. Speaking about you calmed his nerves, and he wanted everyone to know just how lucky he felt, like he'd hoped for earlier.

He bent over slightly to whisper in your ear, covering the mic with his hand to make sure it didn't pick up his voice. "Now, why don't you go ahead and show us all that masterpiece you spent months working on?" Oh, now you were the flustered one, giggling nervously as you gave his arm a gentle squeeze before walking over to where the painting sat on the easel.

"Ladies and gentleman," Leon's eyes followed you as he straightened his posture out, speaking into the mic once more with a wide smile gracing his features, "I'm honored to have the wonderful artist herself present my very own portrait to you." As he spoke, you carefully lifted the cloth from where it was draped over the painting, finally revealing the ever-awaited portrait to everyone.

Just like with Chris and Claire's, Leon was sat in that soft maroon chair, slightly off center, but his position was different with his right ankle rested atop his left knee, elbows on the arms of the chair while his hands rested in his lap, fingers interlaced. His smile was soft and partially crooked while he looked forward with relaxed eyes, a few strands of hair painted to sit in front of his brow. And to tie it all together, it had a lovely green background, a dark forest green as the base while a sage green was used to add texture. The vintage look had always been your favorite, and Leon fit it so perfectly. He was nearly timeless.

Many "ooo's" and "ahh's" were heard amongst the clapping from the crowd, along with a handshake from the President. Before you could turn to face Leon, you felt his arms slowly slink around you from underneath your arms, the weight of his head now pressing down on your shoulder. You could feel his grin when he tilted his head to kiss your jawline, beginning to gently rock you side to side. Getting to show off your work was always so rewarding, but just knowing Leon was handling everything so well was a feeling you'll truly never forget.

He was happy. That's all you ever wanted for him. The man has truly earned his portrait in that agent hall of fame.

The portrait was soon brought down to the aforementioned hall to be hung up and displayed for good, a few small groups trailing down to get a better look at it. Chris was the noisiest about it, telling Leon it looked like it belonged above a grand fireplace, to which said man agreed with.

Chris, Claire, Jill, and their respective families stared at it for quite some time alongside Leon and you. They all chatted while Leon stared quietly, taking in every little fine detail you'd added. You changed his position some, and did he really smile at you like that? He really did look lovestruck. Of course only he could tell that. Hopefully.

He surprised himself with how okay he felt after seeing the painting. You warned him multiple times that it would most likely be overwhelming and emotional, and while it was, it wasn't in a bad way. The most compelling thought he had right now was to just sweep you off your feet and smother you with love.

Leon asked one of the guards to take a picture of him with everyone, including you, in front of his portrait. Then, just a picture of you and him standing in front of it, easily becoming the background on his phone.

The party went on for only an hour or so more before people started to trickle out. You and Leon were some of the first to leave, saying all your thanks and goodbye's with hugs and handshakes.

The moment the two of you walked into your apartment he practically pounced on you before the door had shut, large hands gripping tight on your hips as he sloppily made out with you. He just had to show his gratitude for all your hard work.

Your lips tasted so sweet and your soft little moans were driving him wild, he couldn't help the groan that rumbled from his chest. Full blown sex had been held off by you, not wanting to rush him into anything while you helped him manage his problems. Honestly, he was glad you'd held off on him, because now that he was feeling like his own person again, it made waiting all the more fulfilling.

Leon hoisted you up into his arms after you'd kicked your heels off, holding onto the back of your thighs as he carried you to the bedroom. You wrapped your arms around his neck, giggling against his lips as he carefully navigated around the short hallway and into the bedroom.

You looked so good splayed out on the bed for him, that beautiful dress you chose was insanely flattering on you. It had to go though, so after yanking off his jacket he made quick work of your dress, fumbling with the zipper for a moment before pulling it up and over your head. Your bra and panties didn't last either. He'd only gotten to see you naked a couple times before, but god, he'll never get tired of seeing you this way, acting all shy like you weren't his favorite view.

Leon was so eager to get his hands on you that he neglected to take off his suit, opting instead to hover over you and bury his face into your neck. He wasn't a good artist, but he loved to cover your neck in shades of red and purple like you were his own little painting, akin to leaving his signature all over you.

He only pulled away once you tugged on his hair, listening to your begs and pleas for him to get his clothes off. As much as he wanted to prolong this night and tease you, he couldn't hold himself back. He needed to feel your soft skin against his.

"So perfect." Leon mumbled against your skin, licking and kissing his way up your stomach and to your breasts after practically ripping off his clothes. His hands found their way back to your hips, pressing them firm against the bed to keep you from squirming away as he nipped at one of your nipples, pulling it into his mouth.

He moaned as he sucked and circled his tongue around your nipple, his eyes falling closed. The other couldn't stay neglected, so he brought one hand up to pinch and tug at your other nipple, sighing when he felt your body press against his as you arched at the sensation. He loved when your moans would pitch, so cute.

His cock was pressed against the inside of your thigh, rutting against it when you would tug at his hair. Once he decided your nipples had enough attention, he sat up and grabbed the backs of your knees to place around his waist. The new position offered Leon the perfect opportunity to drag his leaking cock through your folds, pressing it down with his thumb so the tip would nudge your clit with every slow thrust forward.

You were so wet, so delicate. He could've fucked you right then, slid right into that juicy little pussy, but he needed to take care of you first. He would never forgive himself if he hurt you.

Reluctantly, the man pulled his dick away from you, letting out a poorly concealed whine at the loss. He ran his hands up your thighs before moving one hand so he could circle your clit with his thumb, the other hand back on your hip to keep you steady.

"L-eon~!" You brokenly moaned out, pleading to him with your watery eyes. You needed more; his fingers, his cock, anything. He couldn't say no to that, stopping his assault on your clit to drag his middle and ring finger through your drenched folds to wet them properly. He brought your right leg to sit over his shoulder, hand gripping the top of your thigh as he leaned forward, studying your face closely as he gently teased the outside of your slit with his middle finger.

He moaned with you as he slid his finger in, keeping his eyes trained on you as he started to tentatively thrust his finger in and out. "Yeah?" Leon whispered, licking his lips as you barely managed to nod. "Yeeeaah, there's my girl..." The rumble in his voice was music to your ears.

His ring finger was soon slid in next to his middle finger, switching between scissoring you and making a partial 'come here' motion with them. After only a couple minutes you were leaking all over his hand and the bed, the wet sounds of your pussy mixed with your moans making his cock jerk and drip with precum. Leon clenched his teeth as he slowly pulled his fingers from you, immediately bringing them to his mouth to suck off your juices. He let out an audible sigh after swallowing, repositioning his dick to slide through your folds a couple more times before nudging your hole with the tip.

"Look at me, baby..." Leon's hushed demand brought you to open your eyes, if only half way. He made eye contact with you before leaning forward further to kiss you, all the while finally pushing into you. He soaked in your gasp, his eyebrows furrowing as you tensed up. "Relax.. let me in~..."

"It's only me.." He panted, tilting his head to kiss the corner of your mouth as your eyes shut again. "It's only me, baby..." he repeated this a few more times as he eased his cock inside of you, the stretch only stinging for a moment before it turned to pleasure. He filled you perfectly, you could feel every bit of him, especially with his right hand adding a bit of pressure to your stomach.

Leon sat still for a minute to give you time to adjust, taking the way you moved your hips as a sign to move. He pulled out, all the way to the tip, before slowly thrusting back in. He managed to choke out a quiet "Fuck-.." when you clenched around him. "Taking me so well.. such a big girl~.."

He always knew just how to talk to you, making sure to take his time buttering you up. You were putty in his hands, and between his words and the feeling of him reaching so deep inside of you, you could barely think.

It didn't take long for him to start to lose his composure, the sound of wet skin slapping together filling the room as his thrusts intensified. "All mine. All for me." The grip he had on your thigh was sure to leave a bruise, but that was the last thing on your mind.

The hand he had pressing on your stomach moved further down so he could circle your clit with his thumb again, jaw tight as he looked from your blissed out expression to where his hand was playing with you. "Oh fuck! That's it!" Leon growled, eyes glued to your cunt as he plunged in and out of it. "Cream this dick, mamas~... Cum on my cock so I can fill this pretty pussy up.."

The way you gasped and moaned when you came was enough to warrant a noise complaint, but screw your neighbors. You needed this just as much Leon did.

"Oohhh fuck yeah.. Milk me, baby~... shit-" Leon's thrusts stuttered to a stop while pressed flush against you, abs flexing as he pumped ropes of cum into you. Once you managed to open your eyes, all you could do was stare at the man, flushed pink and sweaty, sitting between your legs. Both of you moaned in tandem as he pulled out, Leon groaning to himself as he watched his cum drip from your pussy. Truly a work of art meant for his eyes only.

He leaned over you again to plant a quick kiss on your lips, chuckling when he felt you smile. "Let me go grab something to clean you up, okay?" You could only nod in response, reaching your hand up to caress the side of his face before he stood up from the bed. He walked across the hall into the bathroom, wetting a soft rag with warm water before making his way back over to you.

Leon made sure to be gentle when cleaning you, the warmth from the rag soothing your tender skin. You were able to sit up on your elbows and watch him, using his gentle touches as a way to calm your still racing heart.

After wiping himself off with the rag, he tossed it over in the general direction of your laundry basket. It was a problem for later. Right now, he wanted lay back on the bed and pull you up so you could lay on top of him. Along with just how nice it felt to hold you, he loved the weight of you on him. So that's what he did, pulling you onto him after laying on the bed, running his fingers though your hair on the back of your head.

"Leon." You muttered against his collarbone. His eyebrows raised, yet his eyes were closed. "Mm?" His right eye peaked open when he felt you giggle. "What?"

"I love you." His fingers paused their ministrations at your words. You lifted your head up to look at him, growing worried with his shocked expression. "Sorry, is that too-" you choked on your words, stopped mid-sentence by Leon's arms suddenly squeezing the breath out of you with a very tight hug. He pulled you up just a little further so he could smush his lips against yours.

"I love you too!" He breathed out excitedly. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to tell you!" You tapped his arm and he immediately relaxed his grip, mumbling a small, "Sorry, my bad.." when you took in a deep breath.

"You're adorable, Leon." You shook your head with a smile, brushing the hair from his face to give him a much gentler kiss before settling you head back against his chest with a quiet sigh.

Leon was still a tough man, but you made him soft. Only ever soft for you.

Side note: I totally forgot to add in the pussy eating i am so sorry. i thought i did but it was literally just a thought that never manifested 😭

tags!: @greywardensaywhat @xkittiecatx @httpsuguru @httpsuguru @k-fallingstar @lysa1201 @bobastayhigh @pocketstoriesstore @agent-dessis-posts @klee-iii @missjoenowhere @mi-zer-y @bigtiddiesimp @finsternisle @sweets3rial @sodacolablast (there's a few of you that tumblr wouldn't let me tag for some reason)

[ireadwithmyears]

🥳 Congratulations to your 300 follower milestone event!

I would be happy if you would like to write something with Kix or Hunter in a romantic relationship. 😊

I stopped taking the birth controll pill 2 years ago and within a very short time I gained weight and my skincondition was going bad, even though I didn't change any of my habits. My hormones are going crazy. 😮‍💨 Things are slowly getting better. Lost weight, skincondition better, but not as good as before. It annoys and unsettles me. I need someone to show me that I'm still beautiful and doesn't love me because of my appearance.

Feel free whether you prefer this is just SFW 💕 or maybe ends up being a bit spicy 🌶

Thank you for this event and being part of this fandom. I like your works so much, thank you for sharing them with us. 🫶🏻

Beautiful Right Now

Pairing: Hunter/Fem Reader 

Word count: 3.2 K 

For my Follower event (Still open: closes February 27)

Tags/warnings: 18+ Content (minors DNI), smut, oral (f receiving), fingering, light body worship, doing it in front of a mirror, insecure reader, reader is plus sized, reader is also implied to be struggling with hormonal acne and skin changes

Summary: When you’re not the biggest fan of what you see when you look at yourself in the mirror, Hunter is there to remind you that you’re beautiful, right now and always.

Authors note: thank you so much for sending in this request. I really hope it brings you a smile or some joy. Can’t believe this is my first time writing for Hunter. He’s one of my favorites, but I also have this thing with my favourites where I convince myself that I’m not going to do them justice so I just don’t even try. So thank you for giving me the opportunity to do that.

“Stop doing that.”

Picking at your skin is bad. You know this. You have had it drilled into your head about a dozen different ways as soon as the habit started to arise, and yet...

You still can’t help but hope the annoyingly large spot of acne that’s blossomed just beneath your bottom lip will turn into soft, unblemished skin if you keep picking away at it long enough.

“You’re bleeding,” Hunter sighs, successfully pulling your hand away from your face.

Well...the fantasy you have of soft and unblemished skin, yet again, has been foiled. 

He reaches into his pocket, producing a sheet of small Band-Aids that he’s gotten into the habit of carrying, gingerly smoothing one over the spot on your chin. They used to be for Omega, to cover up the small cuts and scrapes that small, excitable children always seem to be in the habit of acquiring. It makes you feel a bit silly knowing that now he mainly keeps them around because of your stupid, and yet every time so irresistibly tempting, urge to pick at your skin until it’s raw. 

You watch him through the reflection of the mirror that you gaze into, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth, restraining himself from lecturing you about bacteria and infection...again

He knows it won’t work, you think, and that almost is enough to pull your lips upward into a knowing smirk, before you catch sight of yourself once more and your expression quickly falters. 

“There,” he says, satisfied as he steps away. “All better.”

You vaguely nod your head, not really paying attention. There you stand, in a dress that should be pretty, that your friends had assured you you looked pretty in, but now?

Now it only hugs too tightly to every single one of your curves. They are much more pronounced, you think, scrutinizing your stomach and hips with a critical expression, than they were two years ago.

It’s not fair, you think, and you stifle the instinctive and childish urge to throw up your hands or stomp one of your feet, because this is better, or at least, it should be. You haven’t been dealing with nearly as many breakouts as you had six months ago, and your curves, though still defined, had substantially evened out.

You still hated it though, and as your eyes sweep over your figure, the dress with its design of pretty flowers on it, the leg slip that you had initially thought was sexy, and the Band-Aid that now sticks out like a sore thumb on your chin, you really can’t help the way that your shoulders begin to curl inward, your hands subconsciously sliding up the material, feeling along the curve of your stomach, unable to pull your eyes away from your reflection, your expression one of resignation and reluctant acceptance.

“Here.” Hunter is at your side once more, moving around behind you as he wraps a shawl around your shoulders, fingertips delicate as he does the button at the front. “This harvest festival promises to be a warm one. But once the sun sets on Pabu, especially this time of year, a chill is quick to settle once night falls.”

“I wouldn’t want to miss the fireworks,” you say quietly, trying to summon your prior excitement for this event, because really this was your first harvest fest, and you were looking forward to all these new experiences that you would get to share with Hunter and the rest of his family.  Besides, Wrecker was heavily involved in planning, and his enthusiasm for creating the perfect fireworks display for the festivities was abundant.

Hunter is quiet. His eyes, when yours flick up to peer at his reflection over your shoulder, are searching, the concerned furrow between his eyebrows seeming to deepen as if raising them any further will somehow give him the answer to what he’s looking for as he continues to fix you with an intent stare.

His eyes trail over your form, and a soft, almost inaudible “mm” of understanding escapes his lips as he spies your hands, still interlaced protectively and stiffly held against your stomach. He steps forward until you can feel his warmth as he stands behind you, his back lightly pressing against your chest, fingers gentle but insistent as he lightly holds your chin.

“You know you look beautiful,” he says, his brown eyes wide with that same captivating mix of enchantment and longing you had glimpsed within them when the two of you first had gotten together all that time ago. “You know that, right?”

When all that gets from you is a noncommittal shrug, his frown deepens, and you can feel the soft exhale of his breath against your neck as he reaches around you, arms settling around your waist, his head dropping to rest against your shoulder. His hands, rough but warm, press against where yours are still interlaced in front of your stomach, and you can’t help but lean back against him, a low, contented noise rumbling within his chest in response.

“You know,” he says, his voice quiet, his breath whispering against your ear. “Ever since me and my brothers settled down on Pabu, we’ve all, uh, how should I put it, gained some extra padding?”

He glances down at himself, offering you a small, rueful grin, before you watch his face transform into something...vulnerable, almost fragile in its appearance, and for once he doesn’t attempt to hide it. He doesn’t reach up to distractedly fiddle with his hair or duck his face against the crook of your neck to disguise his true feelings. He just stands there letting you see it, unguarded and unmasked. This simple, open display of trust makes something inside you soften, turning your hands over to squeeze his.

“Sometimes, I think about how we would have been shamed in front of a whole squadron of clones by our trainers if they could see how we’ve lost our perfect soldier physique,” he says, and something about the tone of that statement causes you to frown, turning to face him as he holds you.

“What?” you ask, your eyes widening as your hands brush along his chest and his stomach, biting your lip in consternation. “But you look healthy, Hunter. You’re…you’re beautiful.”

“And don’t I know it,” he says with a boyish grin, giving you a playful tap on the nose as he dramatically flutters his eyelashes, causing you to giggle. “But this isn’t about me, mesh’la. This is about you.”

He turns you back around to look at yourself in the mirror, his hands brushing along your sides, moving downward until they settle at your hips, the touch both familiar and appreciative.

“My point is, you’re not the only one who’s changed in terms of your appearance, and you’re not the only one who has moments of doubt whenever you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. But...” He runs a hand through his hair, quiet for a moment before continuing. “I wish you could show yourself the same amount of grace that you so easily show me.”

A pang shoots through you at that, and you glance down for a moment, eyes yet again settling on the material of your dress and the way it clings to your skin, accentuating all the parts of your body that you worry shouldn’t be highlighted.

“But don’t you…” You look up, meeting his gaze, momentarily hesitating, not wanting to speak the long-festering insecurity into existence by saying it out loud. “Don’t you wish I looked more like the way I did before...”

You trail off, but the unspoken thought lingers like an unwanted and bitter taste in your mouth. Before changes in your medication‘s started messing with your hormones, before your skin had turned into what felt like a breeding ground for acne and breakouts, before your figure had begun to round and fill out, losing the much-coveted thin frame everyone seems to strive for.

“I think,” Hunter says slowly, and suddenly his hands are beneath the fabric of your dress, pushing it up until your hips and your stomach are exposed to him, caught in the reflection of the mirror. 

His hands are on you, slow, purposeful caresses. Fingernails raking up your thigh, following the path of a stretch mark you had grown particularly insecure about. But the drag of his nails against your skin feels both delicious and sinful, and you shiver, goosebumps rising along your arms as he slowly caresses over the curve of your stomach, eyes intently focused on yours through the reflection of the glass.

“I think that you’re beautiful right now,” he states, and it’s then that you grow keenly aware of how firmly he’s pressed himself against your back. “And I think it’s high time that you see yourself the way that I do.”

One of his hands slides downward, cupping you over the material of your panties. The slow drag of his palm over your clothed sex is maddening and you squirm, eagerly pressing your hips up against his hand in an effort to gain more friction. He watches you carry on like this for a moment, letting you work yourself up as much as the little he’s giving you will allow. But then, as you turn affronted, pleading eyes to look up at him, more than ready to shamelessly beg for more, he stops you, fingers catching on your chin and guiding your eyes back towards the direction of the mirror.

“Keep looking at yourself, or I stop,” he says, and fuck! That brisk, no nonsense sergeant tone shoots straight to your core, your thighs squeezing together despite his hand still cupping you in between your legs. Judging by the smirk that appears when you catch a glimpse of his face, he notices.

“Hunter,” you plead, and because he’s never one to truly deny you of anything, his smirk widens, and before you can say anything else, he’s pushing your panties to the side. You only have a second to react to the cool air hitting the sensitive flesh before his fingers, slow and practiced, are dragging through your folds, circling around your clit.

“Look at you,” he breathes, his voice little more than a low rasp against your ear as he mouths at your neck. “So pretty and wet for me.”

You whine, because one of his fingers has parted your lower lips, teasing and circling around your entrance but never truly giving you the satisfaction of pushing inside. His free arm holds your hips in place, preventing you from moving and he smirks, stroking two fingers against your clit once more, coating it in your arousal before pulling away entirely, leaving you shaky and wanting.

“Mm,” the soft, pleased groan falls from his lips at about the same time you let out a dissatisfied whimper, your petulant glare quickly turning into eyes filled with longing as you watch him taking his fingers between his lips, his own eyes closing as he savers the taste of you.

You barely have time to blink before you’re pushed back onto the bed behind you, your legs dangling off the edge as Hunter props pillows beneath your head and shoulders to keep you elevated enough to see yourself within the mirror. And boy, don’t you look like a sight.

Hair loose and scattered as it falls around you, your dress bunched up around your chest. Faded breakouts, the traces of acne scarring are scattered about your shoulders, and to top it all off, the Band-Aid sticks out like a sore thumb on your chin when you dare to glance up at your face. You quickly avert them once more, only to find that your eyes have glued onto Hunter like a magnet—captivated and unable to look away.

He quickly discards your panties and lets them land with a soft thump against the floor, dropping to his knees between your parted thighs. He stares up at you, his eyes darkened, guiding one of your ankles to drape over his broad shoulder, lips brushing a soft kiss against the curb of your knee.

“Aren’t we going to be late?” you ask breathlessly, suddenly aware of the rush of activity, the sound drifting up through your still open downstairs window. “W-We should...”

His lips on yours silences the last of your protest, the warm, familiar weight of his toned chest lightly pressing you back down against the pillows. He pulls away, lightly tracing the outline of your lips with his thumb, his eyes soft.

“Don’t worry about it, mesh’la. That’s fine with me.”

He takes his time to kiss his way back down your body, having long since memorized each and every spot that makes you tick. His hands, meanwhile, are just as preoccupied. Slipping beneath the material of your dress, lightly rolling a nipple between thumb and forefinger. He gives it the slightest pinch and you squeak, the soft sound of his chuckle rumbling against your skin as he takes his time lavishing your stomach with attention, soft kisses with the occasional scrape of teeth. 

It feels good, you decide, despite this part of your body usually only being reserved for deep-rooted insecurity and discomfort, as your head tips back and you watch yourself shiver. It feels so, so good, and when his knees hit the floor once more, you think, finally, finally he’ll give you what you’ve actually been wanting.

To your disappointment, he doesn’t. 

“Look at you,” he whispers, his bandana knocked askew, loose pieces of long, dark hair falling to frame his face as he gazes up at you, eyes alight with that hunger he gets whenever he’s settled between your legs like this. Usually, this look is accompanied by eager, rough hands holding your thighs apart, his mouth no less demanding of every drop of your pleasure when he lowers it to taste you.

Tonight though, it’s different. 

Soft, delicate kisses go up each of your thighs accompanied by the less gentle, but still equally reverent drag of his fingernails. He slowly parts your labia, blowing a gentle stream of air against your clit just to watch you jolt. His tongue drags a torturous path from your entrance all the way up to your clit before immediately retreating, repeating the motion until you think you might go mad.

You’re panting, hips lifting and squirming in an effort to have him closer. 

“Hunter,” you get out through gritted teeth and he smirks. 

“Keep watching yourself,” is all he says in response as he slowly presses a finger against your entrance, feeling the slight resistance as he pushes it inside. 

You groan, and all you can do is comply, tilting your head back and watching as a flush slowly blossoms along your skin, your eyes silently pleading back at you in your reflection as he takes his time working you open.

“Gods, you’re beautiful,” he breathes, offering one soft, seductive kiss to your aching clit, the gasp falling from your lips an automatic response. “Say it,” he says, his voice a rough command, as he slowly coaxes a second finger to join the first, lightly curling them inside you. “Say it back to me, mesh’la, and I’ll give you everything you want.”

“Hunter, I, fuck,” your words are cut off by a soft yelp as the flat of his tongue lightly strokes, just grazing over your clit. Your hips tilt, chasing the touch even as he pulls away.

After a rather undignified sound falls from your lips, your head tips back and you find yourself once more in the glass of the mirror. You see your flushed, eager, and trembling reflection with all of its prior imperfections but also every single nerve alight with desire, want, and need coalescing and casting you in a soft glow as you lie atop the pillows. 

You think, just for a second, that you could begin to understand what it is to look at you, and see yourself the way that Hunter has always seen you, regardless of how much you’ve changed. 

“I, I’m beautiful,” you say, your voice wavering and tremulous.

“That’s right, pretty girl,” Hunter croons, his voice husky and warm with approval. “So fuckin’ beautiful.”

And then he stops holding back as he eagerly buries his face between your thighs, his lips and tongue against your pussy working with the skilled familiarity of someone who knows how to get you exactly where you’ve been craving to go.

He steadily continues to thrust his fingers, working in tandem with the light swirls and caresses of his tongue, letting out a low, satisfied groan when he gently takes you between his lips and begins to suck.

“Hunter...Hunter, Hunter,” seems to be the only thing you have the ability to say, trying to summon more, but failing miserably because the curl of his fingers so easily presses against that spot inside you, his mouth warm and wet and so, so good that you can’t help but reach down to tangle your fingers in his hair, weaving them through long, dark strands to press him closer against you.

Not that he seems to mind in the slightest. In fact, looking down at his face, his eyes are closed with contentment, savoring the intimacy, even as he ruthlessly brings you to the edge of release. 

You don’t know how he does it, but somehow he just knows the exact moment before you get there, when you’re precariously teetering on a narrow precipice and all it takes is his eyes to open, holding eye contact with you and the firm, steady pressure of his tongue drawing circles against your clit for you to be sent hurtling, quick as a flash, right over the edge of the cliff.

Your hips lift off the bed and you arch into him, fingers none too gently twisting in his hair as you shudder, a high-pitched, gasped noise of pleasure falling from your lips as you come. 

Hunter watches, his own expression both dazed and pleased, his eyes heavy-lidded as he works you through your orgasm, feeling as your walls lightly flutter around his fingers, his own soft hum of approval escaping him in response to your evident pleasure.

Only once you’ve completely relaxed, your body softening against the pillows does he retreat, crawling back up the bed and leaning over you, lightly caging you in. He drops his forehead to gently press against yours, feeling the rise and fall of your chest, the intermingled breathing that brushes against his parted lips. He tucks a strand of hair away from your face, and in his mind, shaking and flushed with exhilaration as you are right now, you’ve never looked more tempting.

“I, I think we’re going to be more than a little bit late,” you say, your voice a breathless laugh.

You don’t make a move to get up, and Hunter grins, his eyes darkened as they hold onto yours.

“Like I said,  mesh’la,” he breathes, and you can feel the clothed outline of him, his hard cock pressing against you as he gives his hips a slow, suggestive roll.

He lowers his head, pressing his lips against yours and you gasp, shuddering with newfound excitement and desire when you catch the taste of your own arousal still present and lingering on his parted lips. He grinds against you once more, slow and wanting and letting you feel his desire, his need for you as he whispers, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear.

“That’s completely fine with me.”

•Thank you to @freesia-writes and @snotbuggle for these absolutely delicious dividers 🤤

•If you enjoyed this work, kindly consider dropping a reblog and/or comment. They are all very appreciated

[sanjisluvbot]

Isekai Yandere Strawhats Chapter 2

Previously| next

The days turned to weeks and weeks to months soon, that world was a thought of the past. Y/n had continued to her regular life going to school, hanging out with friends, and having her biggest worries being what time her assignments were due.

She didn’t throw away any of her old books or posters with those characters on them instead she put them in a box under her bed. Just so they were right beneath her feet if she ever wanted to return and fantasize about maybe a different time, maybe if things would’ve gone differently. 

The seasons were beginning to change March would soon become April. It had only dawned on the girl today that a year had passed since she first started that journey. Sitting by the window as the birds chirped in glee, Y/n finally had some time to dive into her memory.

A year ago Y/n had just met the straw hat pirates. She appeared in their life so suddenly, and little did she know they would become so easily enamored. She laughed to herself in disbelief then rubbed her hand through her bangs, “ How could I be so stupid?” she said to herself.

Opening her curtains for the rays of the sun to wash over her reminded her of tanning with the girls on the Sunny, in the beginning, it was just so sweet, wasn’t it?

With a sigh, she got up from her bed and waltzed over to grab her remote from the desk turning on the TV hoping to drown out the memory of a certain someone. The shows were white noise as the face of Trafalgar Law was all she could focus on. 

A call from her mother had made her jump and she quickly made her way out of her room. “ Yes, mother?” She said walking into the living room. Her mother smiled and handed her a letter. The envelope was black with no writing on it and the seal was yellow with a small bear on it.

Y/n bit her lip, not wanting to get too excited in front of her mother and for herself, who knows if this letter is from who she thinks it is?

She thanked her mother and quickly made her way back to her room shutting the door with her back. The pit of her stomach grew butterflies and nerves flared inside of her. She turned off her TV and sat on her bed using her thumb to unseal the envelope.

There were two letters inside marked with red and blue at the tips of the corner. Pulling the blue one out first she swiftly opened it and began reading.

Dear Y/n, I wonder what you’ve been doing all this time. I know you got back home safely, I can feel it in my bones. I debated on whether or not I should just go see you myself but I figured it was better to let you enjoy your time with your family for now.

I have been able to avoid clashing with BlackBeard thanks to you and I have been able to gather more research on this gateway between our worlds. I won’t go too in-depth in this letter but I can say that we have a lot to talk about once we meet again. After you left the strawhats also left me alone without a word or a fight. Within the next month, we will meet but it will take some effort on your part as well. Please read the next letter for additional information. 

L. 

Y/n felt ecstatic, finally after months of wondering what happened to Law there was an answer, directly from him at that. She tossed the note beside her pulled out the red-tipped letter and began reading.

There were instructions and illustrations explaining how to open a gateway directly onto the polar tang where they could travel with ease. It was a method without shifting that wouldn’t be so strenuous on both parts.

At the end of the letter, there was a small warning, “ It will take time, over a month on your end to make sure that the gate is stabilized so as soon as you read this you should get started.”

With a smile on her face, she followed both letters back into the envelope and began to follow the instructions. The instructions were relatively easy but there was a reason she needed time.

Step one, keep the mirror on your door as clean as can be that will be the gate. Step two, ensure any other mirrors are not facing the gate including your television.

Step three, keep your curtains open as the sun will help charge up the portal. The other steps were simple as well, don’t keep anything plugged in at night, and keep a diet consisting of greens. 

Y/n had a new pep in her step and everyone around her noticed. Y/n had smiled more often and life at home seemed like a fantasy for her parents, they never had to ask her twice to complete chores or help out with anything around the house.

The first week of April swings by and exam season is brewing up, Y/n spent time studying with her friends in the library. " Y/n me and y/f/n are going to get drinks real quick."

The girl waved her friends off too focused on her current textbook. A minute passed before she was interrupted again by a text message. Her mother was telling her she needed to pick up something for dinner, she sighed and decided to take a break from studying and possibly find a book she could take home.

Out of interest Y/n took to the supernatural fantasy section. Wondering if she could find any books relating to portals and how they work.

At the top of the shelf there was a black hardcover with the words open your mind written in script on the spine. Reaching up she grabbed it, ‘ Open Your Mind written by N.R’. The book seemed to be brand new, the pages crisp and the cover silky smooth.

Returning to her seat Y/n began to read. Her friends soon returned and hours had passed as Y/n fell into the fantasy world of N.R. The book was about a women who had a found family and was able to discover the mysteries of her world. The chills ran down her spine when she realized how similar it had been to one piece.

Although there weren’t any pirates Y/n couldn’t shake the feeling of having heard a few similar stories within her favorite series. Bitting her lip she closed the book on the third chapter, not wanting to spoon herself while with her friends.

Y/n tucked a strand of her behind her ears and told her friends she would be off as it was getting late. Waiting for the bus questions popped into her head.

There is no way one of them could be here right?

Law made sure they didn’t have a way back right?

It’s been so long since she was filled with this much anxiety. The cool spring breeze wouldn’t cool her nerves and the palms of her hands filled with sweat.

The bus finally came and she stepped on seating herself in the single seats. Her head rested on the window and she silently watched the cars zoom by leaving colorful glares.

🏷️: ( new tag list, reply to be added to next update )

A/N: Welcome back to the drama!!! I’m so excited to begin this new journey again and I am so happy everyone enjoyed the first part. I don’t currently know how long I want this part to be but I will have a schedule in my Masterlist of when I will update.

Extra: What do you think about the letter?

[softpascalito]

I To Dig a Grave I Chapter 2 I

Summary: Twenty-one years after the outbreak, you come to Wyoming looking for something and end up in Jackson after a stranger saves your life.

But he doesn't stay a stranger.

Turns out Joel Miller is looking for something too. It feels like a fresh start. But when bad luck seems to follow you, Joel is the only one to turn to, forcing both of you to confront your feelings about your pasts- and each other.

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader Rating: Explicit / MDNI Word count: 7k+ Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Age Difference, Smut, Explicit Content, Grief/Mourning, Mental Health Issues, Canon-Typical Violence, Chose not to use Archive Warnings, Tags to be added

AO3 LINK // Series Masterlist // Playlist

notes: i can't tell you all how i excited i am to get this fic going! thank you for the lovely comments on the first chapter, i promise there is a lot of cool stuff to come!

this fic will deal with heavy topics. please note that it doesn't use archive warnings and tags will be added as we go in order to avoid spoilers. each chapter will have detailed warnings in the end notes on ao3.

Chapter 2 - The Patrol

‘Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.’  - Richard Silken, The Worm King’s Lullaby

There is a thin sheet of ice covering the streams that are heading downwards. It crunches under the hooves of their horses that dutifully carry them up the hill and past the gas station. Joel is glad that it's Tommy next to him. He's more tense than he's felt in ages, a gnawing feeling in his stomach that has little to do with the skipped breakfast and a lot with the worry that is etched into the frown between his brows. He wouldn't want anyone to see him like this, much less try and calm him down, something he knows is a lost battle.

“They might be fine, Joel,” his younger brother says gently, just loud enough for him to hear. Tommy thinks there will be no response until one comes, a little too late for it to not be premeditated.

“She talked about leaving, sometimes. They would be stupid enough to run off-”

“And leave Jackson?” Tommy raises a brow. “Maria said their house looked normal, all their things still in place. They wouldn't be stupid enough to leave all that behind.”

Joel doesn't want to hear it. He knows, better than anyone. Knows that you wouldn't just leave, not without saying goodbye to the children you'd come to care about so much. Would you leave him without a goodbye?

He almost hopes you would. Because if you didn't leave willingly, what was the alternative? It would've been nearly impossible for someone to take you from inside Jackson with no one noticing. But he can't shake the feeling that something is off.

It’s Tommy who has to keep reminding him to ride slow, to keep an eye on the ground for possible tracks. Joel just wants to go, to spur Old Beardy on until they're galloping up the hill, despite not knowing where it is he needs to go. He just wants to find you. Preferably in one piece, happy and healthy. 

He would’ve missed it.

The small footprints leading off the road and onto a smaller path, one that's twisting through pines and further into the woods. 

Tommy nods. “Pretty sure ‘tis the one that leads to the hunting cabin.”

It only takes a few minutes for them to be sure. The wooden cabin is hidden away behind a few trees, difficult to spot if you don't know where to look. It doesn't really serve any purpose, at least not anymore. The roof at the back caved in years ago, allowing rain and plants alike to enter the dimly lit room. It’s less than five miles from the gate of Jackson, tucked away from the main road.

He can’t help but think that this would be the perfect place to run off to. Or to hide a body.

Joel is off his horse in a second, not even bothering to tie the stallion's halter to the wooden posts in front of the cabin. Without thinking, he tugs his revolver out of his waistband, using his foot to nudge the door open.

He smells it before his eyes even have a chance to adjust to the dim light. The unmistakable stench of blood. And mixed with it, creating an odor that immediately makes him sick to his stomach, the smell of gunpowder in the air.

***

The sun has been slowly rising while you’ve been flipping through the pages, trying to find the volumes you’re looking for. The library of Jackson, though rather small, has been frequented more and more, especially in the winter months when the weather doesn’t always allow activities outside and people resort to what they’ve always known: Books.

The entire place is supposed to be relocated soon, to a small store on main street. But compared to the greenhouses needing repairs and the stables being expanded, books don't seem to be a priority for most of the townsfolk.

“Books can’t feed us or keep us safe,” Maria pointed out when you brought the slow progress up to her. You politely disagree. You feel like you could live off books for the rest of your life.

Still, packing up everything means the old place, a shed tucked away behind the church, is currently a mess. Sagging bookshelves, a leaky roof and too many books for too little space means chaos. One that only few bother to navigate in its current state. You among them.

It was the crack of dawn when you slipped out of the house, deciding to let Lane sleep in while you walked through the still empty streets to the far end of the town, hoping to get the library work out of the way before the first lesson of the day.

Maria is the one that finds you, making your head peek up from between two shelves with a frown. “You changed your mind on those books?”

She gives a small laugh, one that sounds oddly like relief. Then her face becomes stern again, the look she carries much more often. “You two have some explaining to do, do you realize that?”

Now it's your turn to frown. “We two?” She pauses at that, looking around the small room. But there is no one here but you and her and the characters bleeding from the pages.

“Is Lane not with you?”

You shake your head, turning your attention back to the book in your hands. “She has the 8AM class today.” 

“She's not there,” Maria curtly responds. You can tell she's trying to keep her voice steady but there is a hint of anxiety regardless. 

“Then she overslept again,” you half guess-half ask, closing the book again.

“She's not at home either.”

An odd feeling crawls over your body. You can't remember what was in your hands a moment ago, but the question is forgotten in an instant. Maria carefully watches as you step out from between the shelves, her tone still gentle. “I've sent Tommy and Joel out to search. We thought you two snuck out.”

You feel numb as you shake your head. “No, I- I didn't see her this morning. I thought she was still asleep.” You rack your brain for the memories of this morning, of last night, of the last week even. But nothing comes to mind, nothing out of the ordinary.

“I was out late last night, finishing up some paperwork,” you mutter, more to yourself than the woman in front of you, retracing your steps in your mind. “Lane got home before me, I had dinner, we talked about blueberries-”

“Blueberries?” Maria asks, her hand already back on the doorknob. She seems restless and it's that fleeting detail that worries you more than anything. Maria stays in control. Always. 

“Yeah, we- It doesn't matter. I don't know where she is,” you finish lamely, getting up and joining her at the door. But she hasn't moved yet.

“You should stay at home. I'm sure she'll show up again soon and if she comes back to your place, someone should be there.” You nod but your mind is already drifting again. Lane’s been doing fine, good. So have you, really. Maria gently reaches for your shoulder, steering you out of the shed and towards the church, down the street that leads to the center of Jackson. 

You're passing the small graveyard that's protected by brick walls, the stones already withered, pale in contrast to the dark metal fence running along on top. The gate is ajar, but you barely pay it any attention as the information settles in your brain. It takes a few seconds for it to reach your mouth and leave your lips.

“She went out a few times.” 

“Out?” Maria enquires, raising an eyebrow as her attention shifts back to you.

“I thought she'd met someone. Cat and her were pretty close and I figured-” You give a small shrug. It's more than uncomfortable, suddenly, and absurd, that you're discussing Lane's private life so openly, with Maria of all people.

“Don't tell her I said that,” you add quickly. 

Maria nods as you reach the end of the brick wall. “I won't. I'll get back to the city hall and see if there’s any news yet. You go home.”

Your head nods as if on its own accord. Maria has already turned her back towards you when you pipe up. “Maria?” 

She pauses, her back straightening a bit. “Yes?”

“You don't think anything happened to Lane, do you?” 

The older woman shakes her head softly. “No. I'm sure she's fine. Now get home. Maybe she's already there.”

And she hurries off, leaving you at the corner of the street with a trembling body and a heavy feeling in your stomach. For a fleeting moment, you allow your thoughts to wander past the point you've been dreading to consider. What if something has happened? If Lane did sneak out, maybe with Cat, maybe alone, and got into some sort of situation? What if she's hurt?

The sky has turned from pink to a light blue, only a few clouds piling around the mountains on the horizon. You glance down at your hands, shaking ever so slightly. You decide to blame it on the cold. The cold that may be getting to your head as well. Because after a few moments, you turn on your heels, heading for the stables. It's only a few rows of houses until the large wooden wall looms in front of you, blocking out the little sunlight you could get in the morning. The wall that protects you from what lies beyond. Infected and Raiders and maybe, you think, as you slip into the stables, maybe answers.

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