#i do not have words to describe how angry i am whenever i see the way she talks about her immigration policies and refugees

[gayforcarstairsgirls]

Suella Braverman is one of the most disgusting politicians in our current government

[hoe4sports]

Nobody likes the angry girl

A note from the author: I saw a video that hit home. It was a tiktok about being told that “nobody likes the angry girl”. I was the angry girl as a child, and by now you probably know that this is a fic based off of my life. I am not enabling this kind of behaviour, but I’m trying to show you how it can feel to struggle with trauma. Traumas need constant work, love and attention.

If you are struggling with the same thing; you are not a monster. You will get there. It’s not your fault. I love you.

Credits: This is based off a tiktok that I saw, you can find it here. Courtesy of @young.Riley on TikTok.

Warning: Trauma, anger, anxiety

Summary: Your childhood has caused more damage than Alexia could ever believe.

⚠️If you feel easily triggered or overwhelmed, read with caution and take breaks. If you need to, please seek a mental health hotline.

—

“Nobody likes the angry girl”. That was a sentence that would be thrown after you as if it was a knife. Your mother would use it when you did something she didn’t like. Speaking up for yourself, telling her how you felt, wanting her love or being upset. She would describe you as angry if you weren’t a pleasure or the quiet girl.

Alexia however, she is patient with the angry girl. She understands the angry girl because she took her time to understand her. She asked the questions and listened to the stories. She knew what caused you to become the angry girl. How your mother’s words cut through your back causing scars in your heart. Alexia knew that the angry girl carried her heart outside her sleeve. She loved the angry girl with every cell in her body.

The Spanish heat was flowing in through the kitchen windows. You breathed in the air filling your lungs all the way up. Your body felt sweaty after working in the garden for a while. It was mid day, and you had gotten the week off. It was a nice change, your workplace had decided to work on their employees wellbeing giving all of your colleagues a week off. You see, that was the recipe for a perfect week. Only, whenever you got too much time off: your mind and unconsciousness would deep dive into your childhood making your mood miserable and leaving your emotions on edge.

You decided that the best thing to do was to head into the shower, so you approached the bedroom where you pulled out a pair of black athletic bike shorts and a blue athletic long sleeve. Just as you were about to close the door to the wall in closet, you noticed that alexia had left clothes in the floor. Not just on the floor, but right next to the laundry basket. The mishap itched you the wrong way. “Of course”, you mumbled to yourself, “of course she would leave me to pick it up when she knows that I hate when she does that.” You reached for the clothes before chucking it into the basket. It made you feel annoyed. Like your blood was boiling. But you pushed it down. You didn’t want to have a meltdown, not when Alexia had a stressful week.

When you entered the bathroom, you quickly started the water making the shower heat up before getting undressed. That was when you noticed the toothpaste on the mirror. Your face dropped when you saw it. Jesus, you thought, you just cleaned it yesterday. It made it feel like Alexia didn’t appreciate your hard work of trying to keep the house in shape. You grabbed a rag after spraying the mirror, washing the full length of the mirror. You couldn’t just was the one spot with toothpaste, because then it would cause streaks. And you hated streaks. When you turned around to feel the temperature of the running water with your hand, you stepped into cold water with your socks. It made you feel furious. “Oh my god” you mumbled to yourself. You took a deep breath with your eyes closed. Then, your hands reached for a dry towel to wipe up the water that Alexia had left for you to step on.

But, your hand didn’t find anything. You turned your head to see that there were no towels. You took a quick deep breath feeling as if you were about to explode. The robe that was hanging on its hook came to use when you wrapped yourself in it heading into the linen closet to restock towels. Alexia knew that there were fresh towels in the closet. They were neatly folded, white cream towels made out of bamboo. You grabbed the bunch that were sitting on the shelf before stomping your way into the bathroom. The towels got placed in its shelf before you wiped up Alexia’s mess from earlier this morning.

You see, the thing about being the angry girl is that it becomes your identity. You are never smart, talented, beautiful or a joy; because in your mother’s eyes, all you are is the angry girl. When she gave you silent treatment as a 5 year old and you cried for days begging her to speak to you. The first thing she said when you sat there, tears filling your eyes was that nobody likes the angry girl. It hurt like a gunshot. And whenever she used it, it felt like you got shot again. And again. And again. And again. Even though you don’t talk to your mother anymore, you are still the angry girl in her eyes. You will never be anything more.

After your shower, you sat down on the toilet while drying off. Your hand instantly reached for your phone which lead you to watch TikTok. It was childishly enough the only thing that would give your brain a pause. Some days, you had to take yourself on a timeout to watch TikTok with your headphones underneath your blanket it your dark bedroom. Maybe it was the feeling of overwhelming that hit you and maybe that was why this became the solution? Or perhaps it was because whenever you said anything about your feelings, your mother would tell you to go to your bedroom?

You kept watching TikTok before you reached for the toilet paper. And, lo and behold, there was no toilet paper. You could’ve sworn that your eye twitched for a second. But you reached out to the cabinet underneath the sink and popped the new roll on the holder before getting rid of the empty roll.

After feeling the anger building up inside you like a tidal wave, you decided to try to have something to eat. Perhaps, you thought, just perhaps you are hangry and it will all pass once you’ve had some food. Then you remembered that you had leftovers from Lasagna in the refrigerator. You peered into the kitchen and opened the big fridge door before feeling your heart sink. No lasanga. Alexia had brought it with her to practice. It made you frown because you knew damn well that Alexia had all kinds of food in the Barca cafeteria that she would eat from. Even fresh lasagna.

In a need to calm yourself down, you decided to go for a drive to the grocery store. You put on some makeup and do your hair all nice before grabbing your purse and heading out. You press the keyless start button in your car and there is a flashing sign. You are out of gas. Alexia borrowed your car yesterday. You feel your blood boiling. You hop out of your car before smacking the door as hard as you can. Then you stomp your way upstairs to the bedroom to hide from the world and your own problems. You stay hidden in the bedroom for hours. Hiding underneath your weighted blanket hoping that you will fall asleep. That’s one of the angry girl strategies, sleeping. She will close her eyes and keep them shut for hours to avoid confrontation.

But, the attempt to calm down is quickly paused. Your eyes peer open when you hear Alexia’s familiar footsteps in the hallway. “Hola, amor!” She calls out. You can tell that she’s in a good mood. The kind of mood that makes you feel sick to your bones when the angry girl is out. You tuck the blanket around your head so only your face sticks out. “..Amor? Are you sick, no?” Alexia asks softly when she opens up the door to the bedroom. You huff out in response hoping to keep the angry girl away. Alexia sits down next to you on the bed. She gives you the most loving look. It makes the angry girl scared. God, you think. You are so unloveable. Your eyes starts to look like glass, but Alexia dosent seem to catch it. “I’ll go make you some tea. Blueberry?” she askes before placing a kiss on your forehead. You nod in response.

Why is the world against me today, you think. Keeping your head calm when the storm is flaring up isn’t easy, the angry girl inside you is peeking out from the heavy blackout curtains she normally is forced to hide behind. You see, the angry girl looks big and scary. She’s hiding behind curtains as she takes up the whole room. But, the angry girl isn’t a big girl. She’s small. She’s little. She looks big because of the shadows from the lights, but she is small. She is so small. She’s easy to hurt. And she’s sensitive.

The angry girl comes out with a bang. Alexia drops the cup in the kitchen causing you to practically jump out of bed. It scares you shameless, and the angry girl feels put on the spot. You stomp into the kitchen, your face strained and your body tight. You look at the cup on the ground. Or, what was left of it. You instantly recognise it. That is what causes the angry girl to jump out. “ALEXIA!! Seriously?? My moomin mug? From my grandmother?? Seriously?? You are so clumsy, so irresponsible! God, you are so fucking annoying! Why do you ruin everything!” The angry girl yells out feeling heat rush to your cheeks. Alexia looks caught off guard before her looks softens. “You are right mi vida, i shouldn’t have dropped it. Lo siento mucho princesa” she speaks softly. Her body slowly moves towards you. When she dosent get angry back, the little girl feels scared. For some reason, that causes the angry girl to feel threatened. “Don’t fucking touch me, Alexia! Don’t you dare to fucking touch me!” The angry girl yells before turning around and sprinting to the bedroom. Your hand quickly turns the lock before your throw yourself on the bed, face looking into the wall as tears of anger swells in your eyes. You can hear Alexia outside of the door. “Leave me alone!! God, will you ever fucking learn? I should just move out!!” The angry girl screams before pulling the blanket over your head. You lay completely still with your eyes squeezed shut causing you to fall asleep within minutes.

The angry girl haunts your head monthly. It used to be weekly, and in periods; even daily. You don’t purposely let the angry girl out, but sometimes she claws her way out of the deepest darkest rooms where you normally keep her. The angry girl is a result of trauma, event though you sometimes let yourself believe that she is who you are. A part of your personality. A part of you. The angry girl hurt you for years. But you, Alexia and your psychiatrist worked together to get you where you are today.

The thing about the angry girl is that she isn’t really big. She’s a little girl. When the little girl comes out to play, she gets scared. She hides in the bedroom in fear that someone might yell at her. Or disown her. Or not talk to her. To hide is how so stays protected. Her talent is hide and seek. She tiptoes into the bathroom at night, terrified to wake someone up. She sneaks snacks when nobody is watching and god forbid someone catches her: she always ask if she’s allowed food. As a young little girl, she craved love, she craved to be seen and she craved to feel wanted. But she wasn’t allowed to feel those feelings. She was starved of the feelings. She creeps along the shadows of the hallway avoiding showing herself until she is trapped in a corner. That’s when the little girl becomes the angry girl. When she is trapped, and there is nowhere to hide and it feels like the world is about to end. But because Alexia is there, the world doesn’t end.

-

An hour later, you wake up by someone softly playing your hair. You can hear the low buzz of the bedroom tv. The slow beats of Alexia’s heart. The warmth of her lap. The embarrassment and the sadness fills your body. Tears make your eyes glass-like. You move your hand slightly. “Feeling better amore?” Alexia hums at you, not stopping her comforting movements. “I’m so sorr-“ you speak before your voice breaks and your body fills with regret and embarrassment. You feel so angry with yourself. Why are you like this? Why can’t you just communicate instead of letting everything blow up? You don’t know how to stop it, and you are terrified that it will drive Alexia away. “You don’t deserve this..” you mumble moving your hand to alexia’s knee.

“Mi amor, it’s not your fault that you were treated badly as a kid so don’t be sorry for breaking something that you didn’t break. You will get there with time and patience, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. Te amo mucho and that is never gonna change. Vale?”

Alexia looks down on you smile long softly before kissing your head.

«Vale, te amo, Ale. Te amo mucho”

[wonysugar]

you know the drill i fear.. BEFORE YOU GUYS YELL AT ME just know that i’m sorry and i’m trying incredibly hard to get all of my drafts done<//3 IT’S HARD WRITING WHEN NO INSPO HITS YOU OKAY… but for now, please accept some of these fresh drabbles, i’m sorryrjrnrnf

now… NOW…… mid 2023 sugar may or may not have possessed me on this fine morning because hellooo i miss short black bob chaewon BAD i need to eat her out and make her feel good desperately!

cw: waxplay, sensory play(??) i have no idea what to call it but she doesn’t let you touch herfkemf, vibrators, very light bondage

i’m so normal about these pictures omg the femme dom ever,,, the powerbottom to have ever powerbottom-ed this earth,,,, chaewon is the definition of cute girlfriend in the streets FREAKY HOE IN THE SHEETS CAUSEEEJFKS???

she has an obsession with your mouth she cannot help it! she just loves using it for her own pleasure i fear… feeling its moist surface on her wet swollen cunt whenever she’s needy for your touchcidkfk moaning at the slight contact :(( i am also a firm believer that she’d guide you to do it the way she likes it, BUT NOT USING WORDS; indeed, she’s perfectly content with forming a rough grip on your hair and pulling on it however she wants to and whenever she wants to. sometimes she even pulls you away from her pussy so just so she can see her wet slick on your stuck-out tongueckdkf looking at the string of mixed saliva and cum left between your muscle and her core…. giggling so hard rn guys

also SHE’D MOAN SO LOUDLY??:((( i know she sounds pretty i KNOW she does,, and so does she! she gets turned on by the sound of her own moaning, it’s only natural. the way your name rolls off her tongue so sweetly as she whines sounds like music to both your ears and hers. she’ll make sure you hear how good you’re making her feel, how good you’re being for herckdmfnd

now,, if we’re looking at the more RISQUÉ aspect of things.. oh she goes nuts i’m afraid.

OMG WHO SAID CANDLEWAX?? no but yeah on the days where she just feels like watching you squirm and struggle under her touch, she’ll just pull out the candlescisndn

NOW WALK WITH ME. she’s sitting in front of you, you’re laid down on the bed and your wrists are tied to the bed frame with her tie or smth because she’s an angry and frustrated office worker in my heart LEAVE ME ALONE. she knows how much you love touching her, and she knows how needy and whiny you get when you can’t. [devil emoji] SO NATURALLY! she has a vibrator nestled in between her legs and pressed onto her clit, barely even visible due to the oversized button up she has ongkemfm and she’s just pouring drops of candlewax on your naked stomach, the sight of you whining both at the delicious pain and the absence of her skin on you.

she’s moaning so loudly and staring at you with such lustfully hooded eyes, making it even harder for you not to wanna break free from the restraint of the tight tie and fuck her better than the vibrator ever will, like she rightfully deserves:((

also she totally degrades you in the process SORRY NOT SORRY!! she makes fun of you for the warm pool growing in between your legs, moaning how dirty and slutty you look getting wet by just watching her get off,, how you’re dripping for her even though she hasn’t even done anything expect burn you ahehehcjdkd calling you a ‘desperate fucking bitch’ and whatnot,,, laughing at you when you start crying and squirming whilst begging for her to untie you,,,,,, I’M UNWELL.

AND IF I SAY THAT SHE’D ALSO SET ASIDE THE VIBRATOR AT ONE POINT AND START SLOWLY FINGERING HERSELF IN FRONT OF YOU, TEASING YOU BY SPREADING HER WET FOLDS SO YOU CAN SEE EVERY LITTLE THING— [GUNSHOTS]

i fear she’d also describe to you how her fingers feel pumping in and out of her and moan your name in the process,, you’re just watching her throw her head back in pleasure as she fingerfucks herself?? oh girl at this point you’re just whimpering and sobbing like the pathetic whore she thinks you are, trying to subtly close your thighs and rub them together for any sort of friction:((

oh selfish chaewon save me…. save me selfish chaewon

[sansaorgana]

📻 PLAYLIST — LEADER OF THE PACK

TRACK 2. — TO KNOW HIM IS TO LOVE HIM BY LESLEY GORE ⏮ ⏸ ⏭

PAIRING — Benny Cross x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — You are still friends with Benny and your crush on him gets even worse. In the meantime, he meets new friends and they give you reasons to worry about his future.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — Once again – the gif is NOT a faceclaim & the Reader's looks are not described. I am sorry it's taking me slower than I expected to write but I am job hunting at the moment and I am very close to getting one job and last week I was doing things related to that. Please, keep your fingers crossed! 😇 If I get the job, I will still write just slower but if I don't... I'm gonna have more time for writing! 🤪

WARNINGS — era accurate sexism and mindset of characters (I assumed it would be like late 1950s / early 1960s and they are from a small town), Reader and Benny are still minors in this part

WORD COUNT — 4,060

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

LEADER OF THE PACK (TRACK 2.)

You were still friends with Benny but he was obviously never invited again to your house and he had enough decency to never ask you why. Your mother hadn’t actually said anything about forbidding you to be friends with him so you didn’t feel like you had to hide that fact, although you were trying not to mention Benny around your family and whenever his name slipped out of your mouth, your mother and Luke were exchanging angry looks. Your father was oblivious to the fact Benny had been in your house once, so he was mostly just ignoring your little mentions of Benny’s name here and there. In fact, you were sure he was not listening to you at all.

The only thing you were worried about was the fact Luke was going to the same school as you. You didn’t want your brother to see how much time you were spending with Benny and that was nearly all of it. Thankfully, Luke was too busy developing his relationship with Patsy Carter and it included going on many dates but also trying to impress her on the baseball field, so he was mostly focused on practising.

That was not the last time you and Benny spent the time together outside of the school, though. A few weeks after the incident with your mother and Luke, Benny told you that you could come over to his place after classes. Your eyes widened at this proposition because you knew that he lived in a dangerous part of town. You didn’t want to phrase it this way, though.

“I don’t know, Benny… You’ve never mentioned inviting me before…” You looked down nervously when you were sitting next to him in the cafeteria.

“I know but I kinda, like, owe you now, don’t I?” He scratched the back of his head.

“It’s fine, Benny, really…” You smiled shyly. “I mean… You don’t have a mom to make us dinner, it’s fine, I understand…” You tried to assure him. 

“I’ll think of somethin’,” Benny mumbled and stood up, putting his hands inside the pockets of his jeans. “Well, fine, let’s not. Sorry for bein’ pushy,” he shrugged his arms and you looked up at the sound of his tone. He was angry.

You suspected why – he was ashamed of his place and now you had to confirm that he indeed had reasons to be. You didn’t even want to go there.

“Benny, it’s not what you think… I’m scared of your dad,” you bit on your lower lip. That was true, too. After all the stories Benny had shared with you, it would be crazy to not be afraid of that drunkard.

“He’s outta town,” Benny crouched down and his face visibly softened when he found out the reason. “I would never let him hurt you anyway, (Y/N). But he’s outta town and God only knows when he’s gonna be back,” he admitted.

“What?” You furrowed your brows. “Why?”

“He met some girl at the bar a few nights ago. He packed his bags, left me a note that he’s going to visit her. It’s not the first time he’s leaving like that but it’s the first time I’m left alone without my ma,” he admitted and your heart clenched in your chest at his confession. He was talking about it as if it was something completely normal and casual, he even shrugged his arms. But it was not normal or casual and you had to fight the urge to caress his face and hug him – you still hadn’t gained the courage to make him know how you felt about him.

“Well, okay, then, I can come to your place. Tomorrow?” You asked.

“Why not today, doll?” Benny winked at you.

“Because I have to tell my mom that I won’t be back for dinner. I’m gonna lie that I’m visiting Rachel,” you told him and Benny nodded.

“That Rachel girl… She doesn’t like me,” he pointed out and blushed a little.

“But she likes me. We’re best friends,” you assured him.

It was Friday and it was colder on that day than you expected it would be. You only wore a cardigan but Benny put his jacket over you and you felt like the most special girl in the world. You followed him to his side of town and you tried to walk as close as possible. You noticed, though, that he didn’t take the books from you this time. You wondered why. Was it possible that he didn’t want his friends from his street to see him carrying books for a girl?

Not long after, you realised that your assumptions were probably true. He was saying hi to many guys on the street and each was worse than the other. They were older than Benny, looking mean and scary, staring at you like you were a naive piece of meat.

“Is that your girl, Cross?” One of them asked. His jeans were ripped and he was wearing heavy black leather boots.

“Nah, just my friend. She helps me at school,” Benny answered and you knew that it was the truth but you still felt a little hurt by his words.

“You care ‘bout school?” The guy snorted. “Anyway, you gonna come over tomorrow and help me fix the bike, huh? I heard your ol’ man’s outta town again so Cassie can feed you dinner.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna come over,” Benny nodded and then he grabbed you by the hem of your jacket to pull you closer and drag you behind him. Apparently it was not in fashion here to say have a good day at the end of the conversation.

“Who’s Cassie?” You asked Benny, biting on your lower lip. You felt stupid for getting jealous just because some other girl’s name was mentioned but you couldn’t help it.

“That guy’s girl,” Benny shrugged his arms.

“What is his name?”

“Henry, but they call him Hammer ever since I remember,” Benny answered. “He lives with Cassie down the street.”

“So… They’re married?” You furrowed your brows.

“No,” Benny laughed at that and you didn’t like the way he did so – like you were stupid. Then he stopped in front of a house that looked like it had been built in the Great Depression and hadn’t been renovated since. “It’s here,” he pointed at the door with his chin.

“O-oh, nice,” you forced a smile and watched him unlock the door. Then, he held them open for you and you carefully walked inside. The interior looked like the exterior and you were thankful that Benny didn’t take his shoes off because it meant you didn’t have to either and you would rather not walk on this floor with your white socks on.

Beny helped you to get out of his jacket and he hung it on the wall before leading you to the kitchen. There was a small table by the window and you put the books there.

“Wanna drink somethin’?” Benny asked.

“Wouldn’t mind a cup of tea,” you admitted and sat by the table.

“Tea, yeah, sure,” Benny sighed and started to look through the cabinets. After two minutes you were convinced there was no tea in this house but he eventually found a bag and placed it inside a cup after putting the kettle on.

In the meantime, you looked around and you smiled sadly at the picture on the wall. There was a kind-looking but very exhausted woman with sad eyes on it that was holding a little boy on her lap. It had to be Benny with his mom. He caught you staring.

“It’s the only picture of her we have,” he admitted. “She didn’t like being photographed,” he explained.

“And the wedding picture?” You asked and Benny shook his head.

“She burnt it one time when my ol’ man was not coming back home for months. She didn’t expect he’d be back,” he told you.

“It’s a shame,” you didn’t know what else to say.

“He didn’t notice and she didn’t like the picture anyway,” Benny shrugged his arms and that was when the kettle began to whistle, so he stood up to pour the hot water inside your cup. He handed it to you and sat on the chair by the table as well.

“Do you want to start with doing homework?” You asked, trying to change the subject.

“I think it’s a waste of time,” Benny confessed and you furrowed your brows at that. “I mean, you’re wasting your time on me. I won’t ever be as smart as you anyway,” he shrugged.

“Well, I’m not trying to make you as smart as me, I’m just helping you to pass your classes,” you teased with a nervous smile.

“I dunno…”

“What about your mom? Wouldn’t she like you to finish the school year?” You tried a different tactic and Benny’s eyes saddened. Short silence occurred between you two and you sipped on your tea while waiting for his answer.

“She wanted me to find a proper job and all that. She wanted me to be nothin’ like my ol’ man,” he sighed.

“You won’t be,” you assured him. You knew it was a risky thing to say but you had a feeling deep down that Benny was not a bad boy at all.

Everyone was saying that he was because no one truly saw him. Your family and Rachel were seeing Benny in a context of his father and the neighbourhood he was living in. They didn’t care enough to look deeper and when they attempted to do so – like your mother those few weeks earlier, they were getting scared and turning their backs on him just because they would approach some difficult trait about him that they were not empathetic enough to forgive. But was it so surprising that a boy who had been growing up like this would have so much anger in him? No, it was not.

Even you were angry about many things – you were angry at your father for being cold and harsh with you and your mother. You were jealous of Rachel’s dad. He was treating Rachel and her sisters like princesses and he was always so warm and kind. He was making you feel safe in a way your father never could. And Rachel’s dad had been in the war as well but he was never using it against his daughters.

You were angry at your mother that she was so obedient. You knew that she was trying her best to be a good wife and mother and you admired her for that but there were limits to everything. Sometimes she should just step in and put her husband back in his place. You knew many women who were like this but not your mother and you were angry that she lacked the courage.

You were angry at Luke for treating you like shit and acting like an asshole while trying his best to be like your father and to impress him. He also was angry at you because, despite everything, he was never as smart as you and he could never go to college, so he couldn’t plan that after high school. You would be the only child who would probably go there and that was this only thing you were better at than him. It was bringing you lots of satisfaction.

But still, you were angry that you hadn’t been born a boy. You wouldn’t have to care about so many rules and you could be more free and more reckless… All of that while having the unconditional love of your father.

Yes, even you were angry about lots of things. So, you couldn’t even imagine how angry Benny had to be. About everything. That was why you weren’t surprised or scared while finding out more and more dark things about him. Because you knew that if you dug deep enough, you would find a diamond.

Or perhaps you wanted to believe that.

“You know, I’m jealous of guys like Hammer,” Benny leaned back in his chair.

“Why would you be?” You asked surprised. You couldn’t understand what was there to be jealous about – you had seen that guy and he was a bum.

“Well, he’s got the bike, he can just hop on it and ride wherever he wants. He’s free,” Benny explained to you.

“And Cassie?”

“Cassie’s just a girl. He can leave her behind anytime and she’s gonna wait for him,” Benny shrugged his arms and you clenched your jaw.

“So… Like your father?” You asked and he blushed.

“Nah… Come on, I was only sayin’... I didn’t mean that…” He started, visibly feeling stupid.

“Let’s start studying,” you decided in the harsh tone of a teacher while opening the first book and Benny nodded quietly.

You were doing homework and additional exercises for about two hours before your stomach began to growl. You were embarrassed about it but Benny quickly caught that and he stood up to put something inside the oven.

“What is it?” You asked, not trusting his cooking skills completely.

“I bought it in the market, it says on the box to put it inside the oven for some time,” Benny explained.

“Oh, okay,” you sighed with relief. It had to be one of those frozen dinners that your father was always saying they meant that the housewife was lazy. But Benny was not a housewife.

However, when the meal was ready and placed on a plate in front of you, you noticed that Benny was making himself a sandwich and the bread he was using did not look very fresh.

“Are you not eating dinner?” You asked him, surprised.

“I didn’t have enough money to buy two,” Benny blushed and you felt extremely bad.

“Well, I can survive without dinner once. Please, have mine,” you pushed the plate away to move it to his side of the table.

“No, I bought it for you,” Benny shook his head.

“I can have a sandwich,” you insisted.

“No,” Benny looked at you sternly. It made you look down and you began to quietly eat the dinner he had made for you. It wasn’t very good – you had to admit that to your father.

While eating, you considered all the ways you could help Benny with. Perhaps your mother would want to give him a second chance if she knew the truth about his current situation? Maybe she would at least give him some leftovers? Maybe you could give him your pocket money? But you knew that Benny was incredibly proud and you had a feeling that he would find it insulting if you even tried any of these things. So, you just had to accept this situation.

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine,” he broke the silence suddenly as if he knew what you were thinking about. “Hammer’s looking after me and so does Cassie.”

“That’s nice of them. Why are they like this?” You asked.

“My mom was babysitting him sometimes, he’s not much older than us. And I remind him of his baby brother who died,” Benny explained and you nodded. “Cassie’s my distant cousin, I think. At least she told me once that our mothers were cousins or somethin’, dunno. But she had it bad in life, her ol’ man was much worse than mine. She has a big heart, she helps everyone,” Benny added.

“I’m glad you have them,” was all you could say.

When you saw Benny again at school on Monday, he was wearing clothes that hadn’t been ironed at all. He never wore properly ironed clothes but this time they looked simply awful. You just had to point it out.

“I usually iron my clothes,” he told you, a little embarrassed. “But I had no time over the weekend. Had to take more jobs than usual, my dad’s still not back,” he explained. “Also, I met new people, you know?” His eyes sparkled with excitement and you sat next to him on the bench in the corridor but you had to admit that it was making you feel uncomfortable how other kids were staring at you two contemptuously. They also saw that Benny’s clothes were even worse than usual.

“Oh, really?” You asked him.

“So, I went to Hammer and Cassie on Saturday to help him fix the bike. He can do it himself but it’s faster when I help him and I like it because I learn a lot then. So yeah, I was there, fixing his bike, and his friends came over. They all have their own bikes, (Y/N). They’re all so cool,” Benny was visibly excited about it and you were nodding your head but you didn’t like his words at all.

You didn’t want to tell him about being careful around those people or that they could be a bad influence on him. You didn’t want to sound like everyone else and Benny liked you because you were different. But you just hated that he seemed to be more invested in those guys and their motorbikes than he was about school, upcoming exams and his future.

“What about Mr. Midler?” You interrupted his story about Hammer’s friends and Benny closed his mouth, confused. “The mechanic who was hiring you sometimes for the weekends? You mentioned he wanted you to work for him in the summer and perhaps he’d give you a job after high school? He has no sons of his own who would inherit,” you reminded him.

“(Y/N), please, Mr. Midler is history to me now,” Benny answered mysteriously.

“You had a fight with him?”

“Yeah, sort of,” Benny blushed.

“I’m sure it can be solved. Let me talk to him,” you proposed and Benny’s baby blue eyes widened at those words.

“No!” Benny shook his head.

“What did you do, Benny?” You asked him as your heart skipped a beat, expecting the worst.

“Nothin’, really, I was just rude to some of his clients,” Benny rolled his eyes and shrugged. “They were assholes to me and Mr. Midler said that I should have worn a fake smile and all that. But that’s not my nature, you know, doll? To just ignore when someone’s treatin’ me like shit.”

“Oh, I know,” you nodded and sighed. “Do you want me to iron your clothes after school today?” You quickly changed the subject and reached out to fix a wrinkle on his shirt.

It was a good excuse that his clothes were not ironed because you could touch him here and there, pretending to fix his appearance. When, in fact, you were just dying to touch him. You wondered what it would be like to be a girlfriend of a boy like Benny. It had to be completely different than to be a girlfriend of an ordinary guy like all the rest at school.

But you knew Benny would never want to date a girl like you. He was treating you like a friend but he would never see you as a woman. Yeah, he had to like real women. And you were still a child. Naive and innocent.

“It’s fine. I’m going to Hammer’s after school and Cassie’s gonna do that,” Benny told you and you took your hand away while nodding sadly.

Benny’s father didn’t come back home and he started suspecting he wouldn’t come back at all. It was better in many ways – his father had been a drunk burden after all. But he was an adult and he could earn more money. Even though he would spend most of it on alcohol, he still could pay the bills somehow with Benny’s help and now Benny was alone with it, which resulted in him coming to school less often.

And when he was actually showing up, he was talking mostly about Hammer and his biker friends. You were pretending to be interested in it but you were just begging Benny to open the books and catch up on the classes he had missed instead. Sometimes he agreed, sometimes he didn’t but you were positive he would finish this year with your help. Barely, but still.

You didn’t mind him having new friends but you had a bad feeling about those guys and the fact he seemed to be so fascinated with them made you feel frustrated because it was ruining your plans. It was silly, of course, to have those plans. But in your head, you would go to college and Benny would start his job as a mechanic after high school. You would marry him after graduating from college and you would start a family together. You would be a teacher and he’d fix cars for money. Maybe one day he would start his own business. 

Those were stupid and unrealistic dreams, of course. And the more he was talking about his new and awful friends, the more you were convinced that those dreams were even more unrealistic than you had been suspecting. Also, you didn’t like the fact that Benny hadn’t mentioned even once that you should meet his new friends.

As if he knew that you were completely out of a different world than them and he didn’t want to mix up those worlds. But would he eventually give up on one to focus more on the other? You knew he would never choose you. You were not interesting enough even though you were trying. You bought a black eyeliner and tried to make your eyes look like women in the magazines had them but you failed and decided to never use it again. You hid it inside your desk’s drawer with anger.

You also stopped wearing so many ribbons and pink sweaters but Benny didn’t seem to even notice anything. He was still treating you the same so maybe it had never been about your appearance. Perhaps it was about your character and that was more difficult to change. You didn’t want to change it either.

You loved Benny for who he was. Why couldn’t he love you just the same?

You were worried about him and you prayed at night to whoever would listen for Benny to finally see how much you cared about him. For him to give you a chance and you would take care of him despite what everyone would think and say about you for choosing a boy like him to give all of your love to. You wished you were both eighteen already so you could live with him and cook for him, iron his clothes, make his bed and all those things your mother was doing every day for your father. Sometimes, you were even sure that if Benny asked, you would not go to college and marry him straight out of high school.

That was how much in love you were. Or perhaps how foolish you were.

But there were also times when you loved him a little less. When you would come back home from school hurt – after Benny had treated you a little coldly or ignored you to talk about his new friends. You would sit on your bed sadly and hate him for the fact how much he was affecting you and how your mood every day depended on him. You wondered then why did you even insist on loving him so much…

So, one day, you tore a page out of your notebook and prepared a list:

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Reasons why I love Benny Cross ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ ♡ he can be mean but when he’s nice, then nobody’s better ♡♡ he makes me feel like the most special girl in the world ♡♡♡ he’s strong and doesn’t care much what others think of him ♡♡♡♡ he has the most beautiful eyes and his hair look like gold in sunlight ♡♡♡♡♡ he’s different than all the other boys I know – including my dad and Luke, which is a good thing ♡♡♡♡♡♡ he deserves better and I know I could give him the world if he only gave me a chance ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ his voice!!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ he’s taking care of me the way he can (carrying my books, giving me his jacket, making me food) ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ his lips were made for kissing, I just know… ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ when I make him laugh, I feel invincible

MASTERLIST

[jeankluv]

Birdie | Satoru Gojo - Chapter 01

Words: 4.8k

Summary: You didn’t like him, at all. But due to your bad luck you would have to be forced to work with him and different circumstances end up leading you to the fact that perhaps the word dislike is not the one you use to describe him.

Note: divider art credit _3aem (twt)

Tags: modern au, college au, fem!reader, academic rivals, he fell first, fluff, old money Gojo Satoru, abusive parents, slight slow burn, Satoru is a softy, secondary couple (Geto Suguru x oc), a bit of angst, no use of y/n, eventual smut, Gojo plays basketball

Slow updates

Materialist | next chapter

Wattpad | ao3

While everyone adored him, you stood apart in your feelings. It wouldn't be accurate to say you hated him, as "hate" carried significant weight; rather, you harbored a profound dislike towards him. The problem was he knew that and his irritating presence seemed to persistently cling to you whenever he crossed your paths.

Now, you found yourself paired with him for your semester project, and the thought made you wish to hurl yourself out of the third-floor window. Three months of working alongside him loomed ahead. Adding to the discomfort, you were currently under the scrutiny of hundreds of eyes, each gaze feeling like a murder attempt. It seemed everyone coveted the opportunity to collaborate with Gojo Satoru, except for you.

“We will divide the project in two.” You said looking at the information the teacher gave you. “So we can work on it separately and once we are done we will put it together.” You didn’t like the idea but you disliked even more the idea of spending time outside the class with him.

“That wouldn’t work out, it’s better if we schedule a time to meet and we start working on it.” Gojo talked.

“No.” You said. “I’m way too busy to think about meeting outside of classes.” And it was true, you were working in two different jobs to pay the bills of college and the tiny apartment you were staying on.

“Oh c’mon!” He pouted. “It’s impossible that you are busy every day of the week at every hour.”

“Well I am.” You were starting to get angry, couldn’t he understand you didn’t want to meet with him.

The ring rang and you thanked it, it was time to leave for another class, one you wouldn’t have to see the perfect face of Satoru Gojo.

“Wait! How do we stay in contact?” Gojo spoke when you were about to leave the classroom. You could feel the gaze of a group of girl right on your neck.

“With the email.”

“C’mon.” He said your name. “Give me your number.”

“No and now leave me. I need to get to my class.”

You walked past the group of girls that were chatting obviously about the scene that just happened.

“How can she be so rude with Satoru?”

“Yeah who does she think she is? Does she even know who Satoru is?”

“She is such a loser.”

You couldn't help but roll your eyes. Of course, you were well aware of who he was - everyone knew him. A pampered child from a wealthy family, born into privilege and affluence, often referred to as an “old money baby”. He had everything handed to him on a silver platter - impeccable looks, tall, athletic, and intelligence. For many, he embodied the epitome of perfection. However, for you, he was nothing more than an insufferable jerk whom you couldn't stand.

On the flip side, you were the complete opposite of him. Life hadn't dealt you a fair hand - you struggled to make ends meet. When your mother passed away when you were just six, and your father vanished after hearing news of her pregnancy. Left with no one but your grandmother, you found solace in her loving care. However, as time marched on, you were once again confronted with loneliness when she passed away when you were just 16. With only a meager inheritance from your grandmother and the income from your job at a local store, you barely scraped by until the age of 18. Thankfully, your relentless dedication to your studies paid off when you earned a scholarship to attend the University of Tokyo.

Even though you got into a good college on the degree you wanted, your life in Tokyo hasn’t been quite easy. You were living in a tiny apartment, going to college and working two jobs because it would be impossible to make it to the end of the month with just one job. Luckily, the scholarship covered all my college expenses, but living in Tokyo wasn't exactly easy on the wallet. I found myself navigating life in the bustling city all on my own.

But your aversion towards Gojo Satoru began two years ago, on the first day of college. Rushing late after exhausting yourself at work, you collided with him, causing you to stumble to the ground. Prepared to offer an apology, you were met with his irate ranting, delivered without even a glance in your direction. Had you not been humiliated on the ground, you might have slapped some sense into him right then and there. Why was he so infuriated when he was clearly the one at fault? And the fact that he couldn't even look at you added insult to injury. Frustrated and embarrassed, you left before he could utter another word; you had no desire to hear anything further from him.

The true agony hit when you discovered he would be sharing classes with you. From then on, you made every effort to steer clear of him and his foolishness. However, it seemed everyone in your class, and even in other majors, adored him. The teachers showered him with praise because everything he touched turned to gold. Despite being at the university for two years, you had never managed to outperform his grades, and it infuriated you beyond measure.

For the past two years, you had been lucky enough to avoid partnering with him. However, it appeared that luck had finally abandoned you, and now you were destined to endure his company for the next three months.

You sat on the seat you would normally choose and took out the notebook to take notes of the next class.

“I heard you got assigned with Satoru Gojo in one of your classes.” You heard a voice next to you which made you jump.

“Kyoko… don’t scare me like that.” You cried while putting your hand on your chest trying to calm down. “How did you find out?”

“Well, everyone was talking about how a girl who got paired with the great Satoru Gojo was so rude to him and how she should be more grateful for this glorious opportunity.” You rolled your eyes.

“I might throw myself out of the window…” You leaned your head against the table and closed your eyes. “Three months Kyoko, three months.”

“I know…you know that you can talk to me if he does anything to bother you.”

“Thank you, you’re the best Kyoko.”

She smiled warmly at you, and together you turned your attention to the class. You had met Kyoko on the same day as your initial encounter with Gojo Satoru. Sitting together in one of the classes, an instant connection formed between you two, and from that moment onward, you were inseparable. Kyoko brought a brightness into your life like a ray of sunshine piercing through clouds. On the first Christmas when she discovered you would be spending it alone in your apartment, she whisked you away to her home, where you celebrated with her and her parents. Since then, Kyoko's parents had filled the void of the parents you had dearly missed, and Kyoko herself had become the sister you had always longed for.

The class was over before you knew it. Your hands hurt after taking notes non-stop and your head felt like it was about to explode after barely sleeping last night.

“Do you have time to eat with me? Or you have to go to the grocery store already?” Kyoko stood besides you while walking in the corridor.

“Today I can eat with you. My shift doesn’t start until 3 p.m. so it’s alright.”

Kyoko looked at you with concerned eyes. “Are you sure you are properly resting? You look tired and the grocery store job is okay, but I’m worried about you working on that bar at nights.”

You sighed, she was right the bar was an unpleasant place, most of those who went were men in their 40s or 50s who left their offices and spent the night drinking until they fell at the bar counter, while making obscene comments. But they paid well and the money was something I desperately needed.

You smiled at her. “I will be alright. Don’t worry.”

“You know you can always come to life with me, I know my parents wouldn’t bother taking you in. And if you feel like it would be too much, you could always pay something but then you could quit that crappy job and just work at the grocery store.”

“Kyoko… we already talked about it. I appreciate you and your parents' good heart and intentions but I can handle everything.” She nodded. “And I know I can always count on you.”

“Always.” And she held you from the arm. “Now let’s go and eat something. My treat.” You were about to protest when Kyoko cut you off. “No excuses, you deserve me to invite you especially because my poor best friend is going to have to put up with her least favorite person in the world for three months.”

“Ugh!” You rolled your eyes. “Please don’t remind me of that.”

Both of you laughed and made your way straight to the cafeteria, your stomachs growling with hunger. You had only managed to gulp down a coffee that morning to wake up, and now you were convinced you could devour the entire menu. Taking your usual seats at the table, Kyoko headed to order your food. The cafeteria buzzed with activity, students weaving in and out while conversations filled the air. You glanced at your phone, hoping for some notifications, but all you found were promotional emails from the supermarket.

Kyoko returned with the food, setting it down in front of you, and you delved into a conversation about Kyoko's recent date. It seemed the boy had shown a keen interest in her, but your friend hadn't felt the same way about him. Being the kind-hearted person she was, Kyoko struggled with how to gently let him know she wasn't interested in continuing to see him.

“Oh shit…” Kyoko whispered.

“What?”

“Don’t turn around but I think a certain someone is coming here.” Your eyebrow arched and you clenched your fists.

“Tell me that the certain someone doesn’t have white hair…” Kyoko grimaced and by the time you wanted to say something, the person responsible for your headache at that very moment had sat down next to you.

“Hello ladies!!” He talked with the happiest tone. He called your name but you ignored him, you didn’t want to interact with him, not even a bit. “I don’t think we know each other. I’m Satoru Gojo.” He talked to Kyoko.

“Kyoko. And we actually share a class together.”

“Oh! We do? Sorry I can’t remember it. But it is nice to meet you, Kyoko.”

“Satoru…” Another male voice spoke behind you. Your head was really going to explode.

“Oh Suguru! Come here!” He moved his hand, pointing at the seat next to Kyoko.

“Satoru… why don’t you leave the girls eating alone.” The boy of dark hair looked at his friend and then at both of you. “I'm sorry for bothering you.”

“It’s okay, don't worry.” Kyoko smiled back at him.

“Come on Suguru! Let’s eat with them… I need to spend more time with my classmate, right birdie?” You looked at him.

“Who are you calling birdie?” You were angry, why was he giving you nicknames like you have known each other for years or like you were close.

“Oh so now you pay attention to me…” He smirked and tilted his head as he rested it on his hand and looked at you.

You snorted and pushed the plate away. “Kyoko, I have to go or I'll be late.” You said goodbye to Gojo's friend, who you assumed was called Suguru, and ignored Gojo.

“Take care.” You heard Kyoko. “And sent me a message once you arrived home from the bar!” You gave her a thumbs up and left the cafeteria.

You felt uneasy. What was Gojo Satoru playing at, giving you a nickname? And that look he just gave you—what was that about? You couldn't stand it. Sinking into your seat on the bus, you put on your headphones, seeking a brief respite before reaching your workplace. You were scheduled to work for five hours, followed by a rush to the bar, where you'd likely be working until 2 a.m., if luck was on your side.

As your eyelids grew heavy, you recognized the familiar streets passing by. With just a few stops left until your destination, you stretched out in your seat and rubbed your eyes, trying to shake off the fatigue.

You got out of the bus and walked a few steps until you reached the small grocery store where you work. You still had 5 minutes left to work but between changing and preparing everything the time would arrive. You greeted Yu who was behind the counter serving a customer and went to the employee room at the back.

“You are early.” Haibara entered the room.

“I’m 5 minutes earlier… is not THAT early.” You smiled at him.

“You know you can always take the day off and rest. I can cover you if you need it, you look so tired.”

“I’m okay but thank you Haibara.”

“Okay! Then if you are taking my place I will get going. A friend of mine is waiting for me.” You nodded. “Call me if you need anything.”

You waved goodbye to him and observed as he rendezvoused with a tall blonde guy outside the store, someone you vaguely recognized from campus. Throughout the afternoon, several children trickled in to purchase trinkets, occasionally accompanied by adults picking up a few items. The day had been relatively quiet, affording you the opportunity to jot down some notes and review your studies.

As closing time approached, the sliding door chimed open once more, signaling the arrival of another customer. However, you were preoccupied assisting a lady who was meticulously counting the coins needed to pay for her purchase.

“Thank you so much darling.” She said once you were done with her. “Have a nice night.”

“Thanks to you! And please come here again.”

“Hello birdie!” Your mouth opened slightly when you saw who was waiting to be served and the last customer of the day.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” You screamed angrily.

He looked down and moved the bottle he was holding. “Buying something to drink.” He smiled, showing his perfect smile.

“Here?” He nodded. “In this grocery store?” He nodded again. “Of this unknown neighborhood?” He nodded once again. “Gojo…” You touched your head, closing your eyes. “I don’t know what you want or your intentions but don’t you dare bother me anymore.”

“I already told you birdie I’m here, to buy this.” He put the bottle in front of you.

“There you have it. Now, bye.” You turned around and started cleaning some things that were around. It was time to close and you needed to hurry up to got to the bar.

You picked up and changed into the clothes you had come in. For a moment you had to lean against the wall, for an hour or so you had been dizzy and nauseous, but you couldn't allow yourself to be absent. You turned off the lights and closed the grocery store.

“What are you still doing here?” You turned around to look at Gojo who was right in front of the shop.

He walked smiling towards you. “Waiting for you.”

You rolled your eyes, couldn’t he understand you or something. “Well, I don’t want you to be waiting for me. So now… BYE!” And you started moving towards the bar.

“Oh c’mon.” He said your name this time. “Let me accompany you to your house or at least near it. It’s not good for a girl to…”

“Are you a stalker?” Gojo opened his mouth. “And I’m not going home, I need to get to work and because of you I might be late.”

“Work? But you just get out of it.” He walked next to you. “Why would you have two works…”

“Listen Gojo! Not everyone is born on a silver spoon. Some of us have to work our asses out to get the things we want.” You were tired. “You are lucky your parents probably get you everything they want for you but not everyone is that lucky.”

“You’re pale. Are you okay?” You certainly weren’t, but you couldn't afford to be, you had to go to work. “Oh shit! You might have a fever.” His hand was on your forehead, wait when did he get that close?

“Leave me…” Everything was spinning around.

“Hey!” You felt how Gojo held you, preventing you from falling to the ground, and then everything went black.

You weren't certain how long you had been unconscious, but it was certainly for a considerable amount of time. As you blinked your eyes open, you found yourself surrounded by darkness, with only a faint glow of outside light seeping into the room. Despite the dimness, you were able to swiftly recognize your surroundings. You were in Kyoko's room, but how had you ended up there? The last memory you could recall was being with Gojo before blacking out.

“Kyoko?” You whispered. You were confused and still feeling sick.

You saw how a silhouette moved to grab something from the table and then a light from the cell phone illuminated the room.

Kyoko whispered your name. “How are you feeling?”

“Still dizzy…” You touched your head. “How did I get here?”

“Satoru called me.” You looked at her confused, since when she called him Satoru and since when did she have his number. “Don’t look at me like that, when you left I stayed with him and with his friend, Suguru and they are pretty nice guys.” You rolled your eyes. “And his friend is pretty cute.”

“Kyoko…”

“What? It’s true, he was so polite and nice and did you know he studies…”

“Do you like him?”

“I mean… it’s early to say that but I would love to go out with him sometime.” Your friend smiled.

“You remember that there is a guy still waiting for an answer from you right?”

Kyoko pouted. “I know… I will let him know I’m not interested, because it’s true I’m not.”

“Good…”

“But now to what is important.” Oh here it came. “What would you have done if Satoru wasn’t there when you fainted?”

“I… it was just a coincidence. I was totally find this morning.”

Kyoko said your name heavily. “How much have you slept this week? And be honest with me.”

You thought for a moment. “5 hours…”

“That’s not bad, I thought you were going to say something like 2 hours.”

“In the last 3 days…”

Kyoko opened her mouth, letting a gasp out. “Are you insane? You want to die or something?”

“Sorry! But college and the jobs… the jobs, my shift on the bar…”

“Relax. I called them and told them you were sick after Satoru called me.” You breathed in relief. “But don’t try to change the topic. 5 hours in 3 days?! That’s inhuman and you can’t keep going like this.”

“And what do I do Kyoko?” You pulled the sheets up to your face.

“Stay here… we have a spare room, you can stay there.” You growled, Kyoko knew that was too much. Even if you were her best friend, you were still someone from outside the family. “You can pay a minimum if that will make you feel better, but if you stay here you wouldn’t have to pay the rent you are paying right now and you wouldn’t have to work at that shitty bar.”

“I… I will think about it okay…” Kyoko nodded.

“Now go back to sleep.”

“Okay…” You closed your eyes.

“And by the way.” Kyoko spoke again. “Start thinking what you are going to say to Satoru, you throw up on him.”

“I… WHAT?” Your eyes opened like plates.

“Good night~”

“No Kyoko, tell me! What do you mean I threw up on Gojo?” You cried.

“Go to sleep.”

You groaned, feeling utterly mortified at the thought of having thrown up on Gojo. This was beyond embarrassing—how were you supposed to face him and apologize for such a humiliating incident? The desire to vanish into thin air consumed you. Your head spun with the aftermath of the situation, and before you knew it, you had drifted off to sleep.

Upon waking up again, you sensed that several hours had passed; sunlight now flooded through the window, illuminating the room entirely. Kyoko was nowhere to be seen, and you sat up in bed, stretching your stiff body. You felt utterly filthy after experiencing fever and vomiting; a shower was desperately needed.

Searching for your phone to check the time, you discovered several messages awaiting your attention—some from Kyoko and others from an unknown number.

Kyoko ☀️

Rest as much as you want. My mom left you food prepared in the kitchen but you will be alone for most of the day.

You can take my clothes if you want.

And don’t worry about the classes I will take the notes for you.

And by the way, I’m sorry and I love you 😘

Sorry? For what? You tapped on the unknown number and then you understood why she was sorry.

xxxx

Hellooooo birdie !!

Kyoko gave me your number, don’t get angry at her.

I hope you feel better soon

You clenched your fists and sighed, now you would have to endure it because of your cell phone too.

You to Kyoko ☀️

You should be grateful I love you so much and I won’t kill you.

And thanks, I will be taking a shower and do you mind if I take one of your pajamas?

Kyoko ☀️

Everything that’s mine is yours 😘

You rolled your eyes at your friend. And opened once again the chat of Gojo. How should you respond to him? Should you apologize for throwing up at him? Should you just be as cold as always? The guy was messaging you after you fainted and threw up on him, he didn’t deserve to be treated coldly although you wanted to.

You to Pain in the ass

Hi. I’m good

Thanks for yesterday and sorry for what happened…

Also stop calling me birdie, people would think we are close or something

Leaving your phone on the table, you grabbed one of Kyoko's pajamas and made your way to the bathroom. Compared to a few hours ago, you felt significantly better; the fever seemed to have subsided or at least diminished in intensity. After a refreshing shower, you changed into the pajamas and headed to the kitchen.

True to Kyoko's word, her mother had left a plate of food prepared for you. Grateful for the gesture, you sat down to enjoy the meal. Retrieving your phone once more, you noticed two notifications, which came as a surprise—they were not the usual supermarket offers.

Pain in the ass

Don’t worry about it, I’m glad to hear you are okay

*This message was deleted*

What did he send and delete after?

Pain in the ass

Since you are sick we decided to accompany Kyoko for lunch!

And there was a picture of Kyoko with Gojo and two other people, the guy from yesterday, Suguru and another girl you didn’t know about. Kyoko was smiling and doing the peace sign next to Suguru, while Gojo was the one taking the selfie and showing off his perfect teeth.

You to Pain in the ass

You better treat Kyoko right, or you will hear from me once I’m back at class.

It was hard to believe you were talking so casually with him. You shook your head, talking like that on the phone was just a way of being polite with him, nothing else.

Pain in the ass

If that way I get you to talk to me

You stayed looking at the message for a couple of minutes. Something on your stomach was moving. Stupid Satoru Gojo.

You to Pain in the ass

By the way, do I need to pay you something… for you know…

Pain in the ass

For what?

You to Pain in the ass

Don’t make me say it, it’s way too embarrassing.

Pain in the ass

If you don’t tell me what I won’t know 🤷

You to Pain in the ass

Throwing up on you!

Do I need to pay for something? Like dry cleaning or something?

Pain in the ass

Hehe

You wanted to punch him, he obviously knew.

Pain in the ass

Nop, you don’t need to pay anything. Don’t worry 😉

You to Pain in the ass

Okay, now I will leave to sleep

Don’t bother me Gojo!

Pain in the ass

Alright birdie!!

Rest well. I don’t want you throwing up and fainting in the arms of other people

You to Pain in the ass

Say something like that again and I’m blocking you

Pain in the ass

🥺

You rolled your eyes and left the phone once again. He really was a pain in the ass. You went to Kyoko’s room and lay down on her bed, although you were feeling better, you were still feeling tired, so you decided to sleep for a bit more, at least until Kyoko returned home.

You heard a door close and someone walk down the hall in silence. You knew it was Kyoko when she entered the room. She walked up to you and you smiled at her when your eyes met.

“You look better.”

“I feel better.” You say stretching on yourself. “I feel like I have slept everything I haven’t slept in a month.” You looked at Kyoko and she was doing a grimace of disgust. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Have you thought about it? About moving here?”

You did. You thought about it a lot, but you couldn't deny that you were at a point where if you continued at that pace you would end up killing yourself.

“I will.” Kyoko screamed with happiness. “But only if your parents are okay with it.”

“And they are! Don’t worry.” She started clapping and jumped out of bed with happiness. “By the way, I’m surprised you met Satoru yesterday at the grocery store.”

You looked at her strangely. “Didn't you tell her where she worked?” Kyoko shook her head.

And then it hit you, you haven't told Haibara that you would not be going to work today, he would probably be covering for you and you would have to tell him.

“Shit… Where is my phone?” You looked around.

“Who is Pain in the ass?” Kyoko hang you the phone.

“It’s Gojo…” She nodded while you searched for the number of Haibara on your phone. “Haibara!” You said when you heard him picking up. “Yeah it’s me… I’m so sorry, I’m sick and I couldn’t go today… I hope you-” Kyoko looked at you when felt silent. “What do you mean you already knew? Who told you?” Kyoko watched you with interest trying something of what was said on the other end of the phone. “Oh… okay. I will thank him then… Yeah. Bye.” And you throw the phone to the side.

“What’s with that face?”

“Gojo Satoru told my coworker I was sick.”

“That’s pretty considerate.”

“They are friends…”

“Who?”

“My coworker and Gojo, that’s why he appeared there.” You realized. “Probably Haibara told him and he came to bother.”

Kyoko called your name and you looked at her. “I don’t think he went to bother you…”

“Well… but it’s strange he went all the way to that place! Why would he go if it wasn’t to bother me?”

Your best friend sighed and closed her eyes, whispering something you could not hear and then looked back at you. “Thanks he was there. Or who knows what would have happened to you.”

You rolled your eyes. “You are right. And I already thanked him.”

“Oh you did?”

“Don’t act surprised when you were the one that gave him my number.”

She put her hands in the air and smiled. “Sorry. But he was really, REALLY insistent…”

“I can imagine.”

“He sent you a message right? What did he say?”

You took the phone and unlocked it to see the message that Gojo sent you.

Pain in the ass

I'll save you place next to me in class for tomorrow 🙆

What’s up with him?

“Oh…” Kyoko smiled next to you.

“What?”

“Nothing… figure it out yourself baby.” She smiled.

“Kyoko… Kyoko, what did that oh ment, come back here.” You followed her through the corridor while she laughed.

“No.” She continued laughing. “Oh!” She stopped walking and turned to look at you. “I already sent a message to the guy.”

“Finally.”

“Yeah…”

“You? Are you really going to try and go out with Gojo’s friend?”

She shrugged and smiled. The fact that Kyoko started dating Gojo's friend didn't particularly bother you, but it did mean potentially spending even more time with Gojo than you had anticipated. The mere thought made your head ache again. However, before dealing with that, you needed to figure out how to face Satoru Gojo tomorrow. It would mark the first encounter since... that incident.

Note: a comment and a like would be appreciated. Also comment to be tagged in the chapters

Tag list: @crybabytoru, @sanriosatoru, @norvacaine, @sadmonke

[goodluckclove]

On Experimentation in Writing, and In Defense of Weak Words

So there's a lot of writing advice I don't like. I don't care if it's from a wildly successful career author or some random person on the internet - if anyone makes a blanket statement on how you have to craft a story, I automatically lose some degree of respect for them as an artist. The fact that so many people online refuse to acknowledge the use of I statements and find community by sharing their individual experience is tiring and annoying to me.

One frequent trend is replacing weak words with "stronger" ones. Don't say "sad"! They insist. If you say sad it's bad writing! Instead of that you should describe the slight drooping tremor of their brow! The arch of a single tear! Doleful is a synonym for sad, say that instead!

This is where I hope people realize that I am not someone who thinks no one should be angry ever. I struggle with anger issues, and this is the type of "advice" that makes me really fucking angry. But I'll try to approach this sensibly.

Prose has rhythm - that's how I see it. It's like music, and because of that there's a lot more freedom to create a successful piece if you can compose with intent. Whenever I see someone list acceptable synonyms for a word they don't like, I see someone claiming they have the list of acceptable instruments in Jazz. Like, what the hell are you talking about? Stop it.

Also, synonyms of a weak word that sound more literary also might mean something different. If you replace "sad" with any fancier synonym you might actually create absurdities in your writing that you don't intend to do. "Downcast" is a synonym for sad that relates specifically to people. "Regretful" is another one that means specifically showing regret. "Traumatic" is considered a synonym for "Sad", you understand why this isn't always the right fit.

I think it can be a good thing to explore the connection between a character's physicality and the description of their emotions, but a person can do a lot with that. People don't express emotions in very similar ways. When you see me at my most distraught, it will probably look different than how you feel. You can depict a character with any sort of physicality and decide that's what they do when they're unhappy and that can support a sense of full-realization in the reader.

Or the reverse. The scene is tragic, heartbreaking - insurmountable trauma and devastation. And in the internal narration it is said that the protagonist is sad. JUST sad? That can really say a lot about their mental state.

I am pro-synonym. I think every word evokes a feeling. I think when you are in a relationship with someone and they're visibly upset and you ask them how they're feeling and they say "I'm fine" - that's a weak word that suddenly has a lot of language.

I think when you have gone through a terrible situation that could've potentially ruined the rest of your life, and one day someone asks how you feel and you say "happy", that is a weak word that might cause you to break down weeping right then and there.

If you deny yourself any words or descriptors that doesn't sound like Fancy Real Book, you are actively amputating your language for no reason. If you only use Fancy Real Book descriptors without actually seeing if the words are truer to the atmosphere you're trying to create, you run the risk of an inauthentic finished product.

You are actually allowed to play with language and description as much as you want, or at least until you find a dynamic that suits your individual craft. If you are a newer writer I think this is something you should make an actual effort to pursue and see if it sparks something in you. For the love of god, do not limit the scope of your language in writing to what Opinionated People On the Internet say.

I say this again that a lot of the people in online spaces are the next generation of literature. And for that instinct to experiment and play to fade out just because it's 2024 and anyone with wifi now has the tangential authority of an art critic is so genuinely abhorrent to me that if I start talking about it to someone for long enough I can feel myself get a crazed look in my eyes. I need the new writers here to seriously make a pledge to develop a sense of artistic intuition as thoroughly as possible, even in the face of people who are desperate to feel artistically validated online in a way that requires very little effort.

It is hard, I won't lie. It takes a lot of work. It took me probably over a decade to get to the point where I feel like I can write with intent in virtually every medium. But I swear to god it's worth it.

[mewos-laptop]

I wanna talk abt smth that rlly bothers me, so I'm gonna put it under the cut bc as per usual I'm going to be VERY OPINIONATED and will absolutely not word this kindly. This is my space to be as angry as I want and I will not tolerate anyone telling me I'm being too mean abt this.

Tw for discussion of transmasc erasure and my own experiences with it, mentions of trauma, romance and dating, and me venting.

TERFS and transmasc exclusionists FUCK OFF. I will not hesitate to say VILE SHIT abt you if you comment bullshit on this. /srs

So, I'm transmasc, but generally use the term transmasc and trans man interchangeably for myself irl, bc describing myself as a boy is far easier.

I used to be dating this girl, and she was. A real piece of work /neg, but that's a whole other story. While we were dating she wld CONSTANTLY talk abt how "I wld NEVERRR date a cis man, cis men are SOOOOO GROSSSSS and traumatizing, oh but dw I still think trans men are men", and mind you, she was AWARE that I am a boy. After we broke up, she came out as a lesbian.

If I'm gonna be 100% honest, I see shit like this ALL THE TIME in the queer community at large as well, and it REALLY feels misgendering to me.

Whenever I see sum1 talking abt how gross and disgusting and traumatizing cis men are, but double back and then say "oh well not trans men tho" it makes me feel like less of a boy if that makes sense.

I know that people have been fear-mongered into never trusting cis men specifically, but I just can't help but feel like they're downplaying MY identity as a boy, and saying that I'm "less of a boy" compared to cis guys.

"Oh yeah I only hang out w/ girls and trans men" why are you grouping me in with people who I clearly have expressed I am not a part of ? And why do you express disgust at masculine features *I* want to have ?

Is it because you actually don't think I'm a boy, and you think you're allowed to just disregard my identity because I don't look like a boy ? Because if so, you're a real fucking awful trans ally.

I'm so fucking sick of seeing this mentality expressed within the queer community and within MY OWN RELATIONSHIPS. I'm not a fucking commodity for you, I'm not "less of a guy", I'm not a they/them user.

I'm really fucking tired of being feminized by my OWN COMMUNITY, a lot of the time by OTHER TRANS PEOPLE, for the sake of THEIR OWN FEELINGS.

I'm gonna be honest rn, if you decide you can change my identity as a boy for your feelings, then I don't give a shit abt your feelings. If you decide that you can make me into "girl who wants to pretend to be a boy" then I'm going to tell you that your trauma is getting in the fucking way of your relationships and either YOU need to deal with it, or you need to get out of my life.

I don't care abt your trauma with men if it means you're going to decide I'M not a boy.

[nothing0fnothing]

Sometimes I feel like I'm smacking my head into a brick wall with these people. Like someone will ask me about narcissism and I'll explain that it's not a mental disorder and treating mentally ill people like they're abusers in training is disgusting and wrong, but really this is an abuse survivor and trauma support blog and it's really not the place to be getting in depth information about anything outside of that.

Then I'll get told that some people don't like the term narcissistic abuse so why am I using it as a tag on my posts? So I explain that I'm not calling it narcissistic abuse for no reason, that experts and specialists and survivors and former perpetrators and therapists and councellors and support workers all use this term pretty unanimously. That it is the name for what I experienced, I didn't make it up.

Then I get accused of making up an entirely defunct type of abuse to make myself feel special or to separate myself from other abuse survivors, and it hurts. So I explain that its a seperate method of abuse that is defined seperately for a reason. That it has its own name for a reason and that reason is it doesn't mean the same thing as physical abuse or mental abuse or gaslighting. That it wouldn't be written about and discussed in literature under this name if it was no different from any other type of abuse.

So then I generally get accused of perpetrating ableism and it's a horrible accusation so I run into the beginning of the discussion again but in a bit more detail than I'd generally prefer and I'm talking about diagnositic criterias and language etymology and psychiatrists who died a hundred fucking years ago.

Then I'll talk about survivors and victims, because they're who this blog is about, and how every source that discusses what they're going through is a lifeline of support. That information is a resource and inaccurately discussing this issue prevents those in need of those resources from finding them when they're needed. I do this because I feel like I have to justify my blogs existence and its 70 follower platform, and why I feel I should be allowed a space to discuss the thing that matters deeply to me on the app where 30,000 word Eddie Munson x the fucking alien from American Dad smut would get a space tomorrow, and we would all read it, don't even lie to me.

And then almost every time somebody with a self diagnosed personality disorder and a bunch of quirky posts about how silly and goofy they are to be a self identified narcissist will jump onto my post and tell me that actually I'm harming them personally by doing all this because for some reason they are the primary victim of the abuse I experienced when I was twelve. For some reason whenever I say "narcissistic abuser" they feel I'm describing them personally, that I'm in the NPD tags because I'm out to hurt specifically people with this disorder and they go on to finger wag at me and tut in my comments and ask me how dare I continue to have this discussion when the "community I'm hurting" has asked me nicely to stop?

Just.. fuck off.

My blog clearly isn't for you, it's for people who have actual problems. Not problems that only exist on the tumblr app. Not problems they intentionally insert themselves into so they can lay down and cry loudly claiming they're a victim. Real life problems they're trying to work through. So excuse me if I won't pander to your expectation of how I should discuss my own lived experiences. Excuse me if I won't validate your victim narrative when you're literally claiming you're being abused by hashtags used by traumatised people trying to exist in the supportive community they've built. Yanno, the supportive communities you frequently seek out just to tell us how angry or triggered or frightened you are by us existing publicly?

Maybe I'll just start telling people asking me this same. fucking. question; who won't even bother to scroll through my page to see if maybe the blog that fucking dominates the 'narcissism is not NPD' tag maybe has an answer to their question about NPD and abuse, by the way; who literally pretend to be here to educate themselves to bait me into replying so they know they have my full attention when they call me a fucking scumbag ableist abuser with maximum impact, that Google is free. Maybe it's your job to educate yourself, not the job of the blog whose whole shtick is 8 paragraph essays of pure trauma dumping 3 times a day, to go to Google for you then spend 40 minutes presenting the information in a way that's educational and supportive for my audience while also being pallettable and uncritical of you in hopes you don't do a full 180° into calling me a dumb cunt for being educated on an issue you don't like.

While it's my responsibility to not spread misinformation, that doesn't mean I'm obligated to consistently hand holding every curious anime pfp or ignorant SJW wannabe through the publicly available Internet like I'm Aladdin taking you on a magic carpet ride of my own trauma.

Fuck.

[hevexns-realm]

Came to talk about Iris from your previous ask and how she is lowkey relatable (father issues part) and been wondering about the lore with your versions of Nazo and Seekladoom (no really where do I start? I’m only more familiar with Nazo)-—

Sees your reblog with superscourge.

Oh ahaha, well it was flattering you thought it was me for a second, but that was not me unfortunately. If they manage to top Glaze’s and Frontier’s AUs though I will be in awe and very scared….

I think it’s safe to say we Scourge Fans tend to really hurt the poor hedgehog when we can I suppose. 😅

On the other hand, hope with whatever we’re going through that we’ll both heal from it. 

-squeals- I AM SO HAPPY YOU ASKED!! 🖤💙🩵

Okay, I have so much on these two in general, I’m going to try and shorten it to keep things from getting out of hand! Because I’ll be here until 9:00PM the next day if I do- (/hj)

Also, I appreciate you being able to relate to Iris. I try to make my characters at least a little relatable, as we’re all human at the base, no matter what we physically look like. We all share similar feelings, emotions, personalities, and blood colors. Why should we judge on one’s physical appearance when we don’t know their lives? That’s at least how I try to think, even if my intrusive thoughts make it difficult sometimes, I always try my best to make sure they don’t affect my morals and hurt others.

So here’s their physical look to describe them as of now.

Nazo is 21 in this AU. Considerably studious amongst everyone else in the group. (with the exception of mephiles and iblis, because they’ve been around much longer than him in this AU.) His fur and quills are slightly darker in color than how he’s seen in Nazo unleashed, and are arguably more soft and fluffy due to his care routine.

Nazo has this mixed style of Old money, Dark academia, and whimsigoth all in one. Lots of simple yet elegant pieces with lots of accessories. He tends to wear a lot of crystal jewelry when he can, and tends to lean towards gold jewelry rather than silver. As it makes the contrast all the more appealing. That doesn’t mean he does experiment with different styles and designs, as he doesn’t care much about societal standards all that much. He wears what he feels comfortable in, and doesn’t mind the stares.

Despite him being a literal being of negative energy, and still being regarded as a villain by most, he’s considered more empathetic out of him and seelka. We also see him have more morals than most of the other villains you see throughout the story, and that’s due to his ability to sense negative energy in general. (Also through Sonic multiverse mayhem, where Nazo shows genuine concern over seelka wanting to burn down an orphanage, so we know he’s got some sort of morals.) as negative chaos energy Isn’t the only thing he feels, it’s negative energy in general, which includes negative emotions.

This negative energy goes into creating his perfect form, which is still obtainable with or without the chaos emeralds now, he just uses them as a power boost.

He loves classic/dark academia literature and history of humans, the scent of rain and earth when a storm is about to hit, and also likes melancholy type of weather. He loves tea, particularly the more sweeter ones, as he does have a small sweet tooth, and prefers to either stay inside or go somewhere quiet. He prefers solleanna’s cathedral libraries, the ones that are open until the late evenings as he drowns out the world in the great minds of the past. The histories of the world as he sees them form in his head. He also loves classical music, as there’s usually no lyrics to them. If there are, they have no cuss words or slang, innapropriate themes of drugs, gangs, SA, etc. It feels timeless to him, and it helps him relax whenever he is angry, or when he’s in the artistry room in their home, either designing something that came from his head, or drawing something that he saw while out and about.

Seelkadoom is 22 in this au, and is almost the complete opposite of Nazo. While he is also quite intelligent in not only books, combat, and street smarts, he’s also quite loud and brash when in particular groups of people. He’s quite extroverted, and is much more physically active than most of the others!

He loves anything grungy or alternative, this goes for both clothing and music. He loves the smell of metal, roses, leather, and rain. He loves comfort foods like soups, cultural comforts like onigiri, shrimp Alfredo, and just anything that’s warm and soft, warm, and filling. Although he’s not afraid of trying all sorts of culinary tastes from all over the world! He particularly likes music artists like Troy, Johnathan young, etc!

Cozy games from independent developers like lost in random, subnautica, and cult of the lamb are some of his favorites to play. Although he isn’t afraid of loading up overwatch or COD if he’s up for it!

Seelka has less morals than nazo, but not so few he’s considered a borderline monster. Even he has his limits and boundaries, and it’s best to be wise and not purposefully cross them too much, less you wish for death.

Seelka is a night owl. You cannot get this man to sleep at night unless you shove melatonin down his throat, which is why he likes to sleep all day and participate in cool stuff at night!

The only real “family” either of them have outside of the gang is seelkadoom’s creator/father, Dr. Eggman. They actually have a good relationship of father and son, and they tend to still hang around him on holidays.

How do they meet? Well, given the context that Nazo doesn’t die and he isn’t immediately taken into G.U.N’s custody, he’s basically Eggman’s right hand man. He’s the one that’s in control while the doctor is gone doing villian shit as he rests and recovers from the huge fight between him, shadow, and Sonic.

Few days later, seelka comes out of his coma after his fight with hyper sonic. With an itch to fight, he starts heading towards the doctor’s chambers to either get a fight out of him, or figure out where Sonic and shadow are to give them a beating maybe.

That is until the two lock eyes, and then the confusion begins. Who is this guy? Why is he in the doctor’s lab? Is he a friend or a foe? And why does he look conviently attractive?

So after a lot of confusion of the two wondering what the hell was going on, Eggman introduces them to the other and makes them work together.

It’s a slow process, but it’s not like they actively hate each other’s guts. It’s the usual strangers to friends thing with a little bit of awkwardness from Nazo. Eventually he warms up to seelka, and they become good friends.

Then a world pandemic happens, and G.U.N requires not only Dr. Eggman’s assistance, but seelka and Nazo’s help as well.

Then after a lot of soft moments while under G.U.N’s care, seelka finally got the guts to confess to nazo, which leads to a very soft and sweet moment between the two of them!

Once the experiments are done, and the pandemic subsides, Nazo and seelka are both paid generously by the government for their contributions and cooperation.

They both expected to get maybe like, $10-$20k, at most $30k. What they didn’t expect was for Eggman to come out crying tears of joy, showing they have almost $20 million in the bank.

So then Eggman takes on the role of seelka’s dad figure and helps them with the adult stuff. Taxes, bills, credit, investments, etc. In return he ends up being gifted $2,500,000 by the two, allowing him to be able to retire and live his life abroad. Not needing to keep fighting Sonic, as they’re willing to be the ones who cause mayhem for him.

Does that stop egghead? Nope, if anything it helps him get started on his empire! But instead of trying to take over the world, he starts with becoming the leader of a small nation, and start from there. Then he uses the money to invest into the people, the country, everything. Plus, unlike in Sonic prime, he’s actually a good and genuine leader, not blinded by the greed of wealth. As he knows wealth builds in the long run, and if he does it right, the world will be his. He just needs to keep a level head!

However, seelka starts getting bored staying inside all night and sleeping all day in their new home. So he eventually decides to take a shot at a night shift job, and is lucky enough to be taken under the wing of solleanna’s most prominent employer in the entertainment industry, Mary Jane the Cat, or MMJ for short.

She teaches him everything he needs to know about being a bartender and a card dealer, and eventually hires him for the job.

And that’s where they are now in my AU! I’m so sorry it took me so long to make this, school has been wacky, so I hope it’s worth the wait anon!

Taglist for any mutuals who want the lore:

@thebreadmeower @hunniegl4zed

[gemini-magic17]

Entanglement Chapter Twenty-Two

**In Tir Asleen

The atmosphere throughout the land could only be described as cold. The castle was in uproar with the princess still missing and no word from Kit or Amara about their progress on the search. All through the castle people walked on eggshells around King Aiden even his own family. The King has grown even more angry in the days that have passed more than he once was before. It didn't help when a letter was delivered to both King Aiden and Queen Sorsha with shocking news. As they read over the contents the rage on the King's face was evident and everyone in the meeting room was terrified of what would happen next.

"Dear King Aiden and Queen Sorsha,

It seems that the union between both of your daughters is an obvious ploy for you both to come in and conquer my land. It seems that the peace treaty is null and void which means nothing is stopping me from coming to destroy Tir Asleen along with Zemira. It did not have to be this way but now I have no choice but to declare war on both kingdoms.

King Larksion"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME", his voice boomed throughout the room making a few people jump.

"What is it Aiden", Raina had asked leaning over his shoulder to look at the letter.

"King Larikson has waged war upon us", Sorsha exclaimed throwing the letter across the table as Queen Raina picked it up. Raina read over the letter and her eyes widen with horror.

"I don't understand why would he do this? We have a peace treaty in place", Raina exclaimed.

"I'm guessing he figures that since our children's union the alliance we have is to take his kingdom", Aiden said clenching his fist.

"It makes no sense we have no reason to take his kingdom", Queen Raina said falling into the chair next to her husband.

"Logic doesn't matter to him it never did he only sees what he wants to see. There is no way we are going to be able to change his mind it was a damn hassle to just to get him to agree to the treaty", James said.

"Exactly. If Larksion wants to wage war upon Tir Asleen and Zemira then so be it. Though he is going to have the fight of his life", King Aiden said and turned to Queen Sorsha.

"We will need to gather the troops it is most likely he will attack soon most likely in a couple of weeks."

"If he is likely to attack in the next two weeks it will most likely be the place where the woods end and the clearing near the border begins", Sorsha said.

"Ok, we send out the troops there while we figure out what to do next", Aiden stated and everyone in the room agreed with them.

Unclear to them that someone was listening outside the door the individual made haste down the corridor into the castle's library and locked the doors. Scanning to make sure no one was there they took out some parchment and a pen where they began to write a letter.

"Dear Princess Y/n,

I am sorry that I revealed your location to Kit I know it was wrong of me and I am truly sorry for what I have done. I hope that you will be able to forgive me one day in the future but I am writing this letter with grave importance. It was discussed in the meeting room by your family and Queen Sorsha that King Larksion has declared war upon us. Larkison believes that your union is a ploy to take his kingdom where he in turn decides to vacate the peace treaty the kingdoms have between them. Your father believes the attack will take place in the next couple of weeks and has sent troops to where the woods end and the border begins in Tir Asleen. Your family needs you princess please come back.

Sincerely,

Willow"

Rolling up the letter and tying it with some string I walk to the window to open it to summon a raven. I carefully tied the message to the raven's feet and I sent it off to Dristarya hoping it would make it in time before the battle could happen.

**A Few Days Later in Dristarya

Ever since we have been here I have tried to talk to her over and over again. It doesn't matter how hard I try to work this out between us but whenever she sees me she walks in the opposite direction or makes some excuse to leave before a conversation can begin. I know that this marriage is not what either of us wanted but she was willing to try unlike me. I was cold and even heartless towards Y/n and now that we are married I can't keep doing this. I know I said that I would be better but in my heart, I can see that I am the same person I was when I met her that first day: a cold-hearted bitch.

"Hey", I hear Boorman say as he comes to sit next to me on the ground.

"Hey."

"How are you holding up?"

"Pretty terrible. Y/n won't talk to me and I understand why. It also doesn't help the fact that her and Amara have been spending these past few days together", I said throwing the stick I had been fiddling with.

"It may take some time but I am sure she will come around", and at those words I turned to look at him.

"Oh really? Would you 'come around' if the person you married kissed someone else in front of you knowing that they told you they would do anything to earn back their trust", I said and Boorman turned down his head.

"Yeah, I didn't think so", I said.

"It may feel hopeless now but give her some time she may end up forgiving you", he said trying to reassure me.

"Even so, would she ever trust me again", I questioned looking at Boorman.

"That I don't know but from what I have seen from her she seems like someone who does not trust easily. However, she does seem like the person who believe in second chances", he said.

"That's the thing Boorman she has already given me a second chance and I blew it. At this point, I don't think she wants to have anything to do with me."

"Don't say that", he told me.

"I don't know maybe I should just go back to Tir Asleen and face the wrath of her father. Y/n doesn't want or need me here I think it would just be better if I were to get out of her life", I said with sadness evident in my voice.

"Are you really going to give up when things get tough? That's not the Kit Tanthalos I know and have fought alongside before. It may be shit now but just to give up like that on her is complete and utter bullshit. If you truly care about Y/n fight for her make sure she knows that you aren't going anywhere and you are going to do everything you can to mend things between the two of you", he said standing up and outstretching his hand. I grab his hand and he helps me up where we are face to face.

"Don't give up on her Kit on your marriage. Fight as long and as hard as you can to win her back", he said and I nodded my head. It was then that we heard Ser Easton cough interrupting our conversation.

"You both need to head back to the castle now", he said with urgency.

"Why? What's going on", Boorman asked.

"Did something happen to Y/n", I asked him with the worry shown all over my face.

"She is fine. It's Tir Asleen that is not going to be if you don't move your asses", he said heading back to the castle. Boorman and I looked at each other with a questioning look where we then followed him.

**Y/n's POV

This cannot be happening not now not when all of this shit has happened. I kept rereading the letter sent by Willow and each time my stomach would churn making me want to puke. I couldn't stop pacing back and forth across the throne room and Amara could see that I was very worried.

"Everything is going to be ok. Try to calm down", Amara said taking ahold of my hands.

"How can you say that? King Larkison has declared war on not only Zemira but Tir Asleen because of my union", I said.

"There are ways to stop a war without bloodshed. Peace treaties and alliances they will find a way",she said.

"We tried that King Larkison has broken the peace treaty we already had in place and because of his paranoia thousands of people will die. It seems that the only way to put a stop to this is beat him in battle."

"Then that is what we will do", with those words the double doors opened showing Ser Easton, Kit, and Boorman.

"Have you told them what is happening", I asked Ser Easton removing my hands from Amara.

"No, I figured it is best to tell them", he said and I walked towards them handing Kit the letter. As she read over the letter her eyes widen and she raises her head to look at me.

"This can't be true", Kit said handing the letter back to me.

"Unfortunately it is", I said.

"What are we going to do", I hear Boorman say.

"We have to go back. Tir Asleen needs us. Larkison has a large army even bigger than our kingdoms combined", Kit stated looking at me. For a moment I was going to agree but there was a part of me saying stop.

"She is right Y/n. Zemira's army isn't even present in Tir Asleen and even if they got there it wouldn't be in time. Tir Asleen would fall in less than a day", Ser Easton said.

"Maybe not", I hear Amara say and we all turn to look at her.

"What do you mean", Kit asked with narrowed eyebrows.

"We have something that they don't have", she said and looked at me.

"We? You can't possibly be suggesting", I started.

"Why not? One single dragon could wipe out an entire army", she said and Kit turned to look at me.

"What is she talking about", Kit said.

"Tell her she is going to find out anyway", Amara said and I turned to look at the three of them.

"Hundreds of years ago dragons were used in wars. Dragons breathe fire and as many of us know fire destroys everything in its path which is what the rulers back then counted on when fighting in the war. Thousands of people died and kingdoms had fallen in hours just from dragon fire", I said.

"If that's the case then what are we waiting for", Boorman said.

"Take the dragons to Tir Asleen and you them against Larkison's army", he said and I looked at him ready to let my anger loose.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Boorman? Dragons were once forced to burn and kill everything in its path and you want me to do the same thing to to them. No way in hell!"

"But Y/n, they could help us win against them and Tir Asleen would not need to fear", Kit said trying to reason with me.

"No! I will not make them do something that they were once forced to do. They were used a toys among the rulers back then to win their wars and it will not happen again!"

"Y/n, if you will just consider the-"

"Enough, Amara! I will not use them and that's the end of it", and with that everyone went silent.

"I will be staying on Dristarya for the time being. I know that you are leaving for Tir Asleen as soon as possible before the attack happens. I will see you off", I said and made my way out of the room leaving them all dumbfounded.

**A Couple of Hours Later (Still Y/n's POV)

Boorman, Kit, and Amara packed what they needed for the journey back not really caring if they left stuff behind that wasn't essential. We were all standing on the beach and Boorman along with Kit were putting their things on the ship. In the my rearview vision I could see Ser Easton approaching me with a rucksack along with a sword attached to him and I knew what this meant.

"I assume you are going with them", I said refusing to look at him.

"Yes, before I was your protector I was sworn to guard and defend Zemira with my life", he said and I slowly turned to him trying not to tear up.

"I understand but you have to promise me something."

"Yes, Princess?"

"Don't get yourself killed and come back in one peace I beg of you", I said and he let out a little laugh.

"I can promise you I will come back", he said and I hugged praying that this wouldn't be the last time that I saw him again.

After we separated we said our goodbyes and he went aboard the ship. It was then I could see Kit walking towards me with determination in her eyes.

"I need you to know something in case we never see each other again", she said.

"What would that be", I said.

"I know I have done terrible things to you in the past and have hurt you which I wish to god that I hadn't. I get that there is not even the slightest chance I will earn your forgiveness or trust but I would give up until I do", Kit stated.

"You have done terrible things to me and have broken my heart. Perhaps one day you will earn my forgiveness but my trust I guarantee you will never get back", I said and the expression on her face was one of sadness. With those final words, she walked back to the ship to board with the others. The sound of the ship along the water told me that their departure had come and I would have to wait to see how the battle plays out.

**A Week and a Half Later

It feels like torture that's what I can only think to call it. Waiting like this knowing that there is nothing I could do. I have been reading over dragon lore and history to get my mind off what is to likely happen in the next few days. As I read over them one thing particularly stuck out to me. There was a section in the book that Willow gifted me that listed commands to dragons in the old language. The command that jumped out at me was the one for strike. In the book, it was called 'volaris' in the old language for that command. After a few more pages of reading, I needed to get some fresh air. I set the book down and made my way to the grassy terrain where Tyrax, Aeras, and Calyx were. As I approached them they started to wake up from their slumber. Tyrax and Aeras moved away from Calyx where they took off to the skies flying over the castle.

I walked up to Calyx and rubbed along his scaly snout and it seemed to enjoy it. It also calmed me in a way but not enough that I couldn't stop worrying about the war. It's almost as if Calyx could sense how I was feeling because he looked at me with an expression of one that is worried. I started to break down right then in there confessing everything that had happened in the past week and a half. I felt like I was having a panic attack it was hard to breathe but it wasn't until sound came from Calyx almost one of comfort.

"I don't know what to do Calyx. My family needs me and so do the people of Tir Asleen but I can't. I cannot use you to fight a war that you have no part in and never should have had years ago", I said and with that he nudged me. Not knowing what he meant to relay he lowered his body to the ground giving me access to climb on top of him. I didn't whether I should do so or not but when I looked into his eyes I could see that he was allowing me to do this as though saying it was okay. I carefully climbed on top of him and he took a running start where he leaped up into the skies to go to Tir Asleen.

**Two Days Later

The journey back to Tir Asleen was smooth I guess that is one perk of being on dragon's back. Calyx was flying high up in the clouds to make sure that we weren't seen coming in. As we got closer to the kingdom I saw a large crowd thinking it was the people of Tir Asleen but really it was King Larkison's army below. On the opposite side of them were Tir Asleen's soldiers and from what I could tell they were outnumbered by a lot.

As if on cue the battle had begun with soldiers from each kingdom fighting to hold their own. I could see many of our men were dying while only a few had from Larkison's. It was then that I directed Calyx to fly closer but not too close. I wanted to make sure that when we arrived the opposing army would not expect us. Calyx took a nose dive where he proceeded to fly above the surrounding water.

It was then that I had a clear line of sight on the battle and I could see Ser Easton along with Kit fighting infantrymen of Larkison's. As we got closer to the field I gave Calyx the command hoping that this would end in victory.

"Volaris!"

[mara-xx217]

Original Short Story: The Prophet P.1

This is a project that I have started with my partner, @redmonarch217. It's the first short story of many, many more to come. This is only the first half of a surprisingly long short story, the rest of it will be posted on my Patreon when it is finished!

Word Count: 9,482

Warnings: Body Horror, Drama, Suspense, Post Apocalyptic

Children shouldn't concern themselves with adult affairs. They might find themselves in the midst of things they do not understand and growing up far, far too fast...

● I ●

Five children strained their ears and their eyes as they tried to catch glimpses of the group of strangers that had gathered in the old, worn-down barn that resided on the edge of the Stillwater’s property. Trevor had eagerly told his friends earlier that day that the men would be meeting for the next several days after dark, something that was typical of them and something they did for the two weeks out of every month that they visited the children’s small hometown up in the mountains. The men provided the town with needed services that only they could provide, though they usually did so quietly. Not in secrecy but in silence, which was the typical motto of the alchemists. 

“Psst! Move over! I can’t see what’s happening!” Amber was elbowed in the ribs by another girl, Ember. It was a coincidence that their names were so similar and one of the reasons why they ended up bonding, though the similarities between the girls mostly ended there. In spite of their differences, they were still friends, though Amber didn’t know why Ember thought that her view was any better.

“Shh! They’re gonna hear us!” Trevor shushed them both as he stood on the tips of his toes. Amber didn’t know why he was struggling so much to see the men, given that the moldy pile of hay that was obscuring most of your vision was almost completely to Trevor’s right. The only time she could see the alchemists were when one of them stepped to her left, and the men seemed to be walking around rather aimlessly as they spoke to one another. 

“-seen the- the mountain? Why aren’t they traveling up? What’s stopping them?” 

“-it as though they fear it. Perhaps it is as the anomaly has postured: these things aren’t of our world. How else could what Bourgh had describe possibly exist?”

The alchemists’ words were difficult to make out and even more difficult to understand. What was at the bottom of the mountains? It was as exciting as it was terrifying. These men were strange but they were well intentioned, even the children knew this to be true. Every alchemist that ever came to their small town has only helped, even when the other adults didn’t have much to offer as payment. ‘A dry place to sleep and some food is more than enough payment’ is what they would usually say. The children found it uncomfortable whenever an alchemist stayed in their home but truth be told: they rarely notice any of their presences, even when they are made known. 

“We don’t know if what he saw was even real. For all we know it could be some new flora or fauna that merely distorts the senses and that-”

“I am standing right here! Stop speaking as though I’m some unaware mimic!” An angry alchemist walks to the left of Amber’s vision. His long jacket swishes and slightly tips the pile of molded hay over, giving all the children a much, much better view of the seven men that either stood around motionless or leaned against nearby walls or structural supports. 

“But… you can’t disagree with the fact that what you described was-”

“I know what I saw! It was-!” Several of the men started to talk over one another. What were they referring to? It made the children anxious. Amber began to worry her lower lip, one of her many bad habits. She picked at one of the rotted boards, barely noticing how a large splinter was broken off by her fingers clumsily picking at the slivers of wet wood next to her face. 

Amber leaned in more, straining her ears and her eyes against the small opening she could peer through. Ember and Trevor were crowding her body, pushing her flush against the side of the barn to the point that the boards creaked and groaned underneath their combined weight. 

“S-Stop! Seriously!” Amber’s voice came out far louder than she intended. It was an audible squeak that had the alchemists shushing each other and one sternly calling out in their direction. 

“Hey! Do you have any idea of the time?! We wouldn’t want to get the Stillwaters involved, would we, Trevor?!”

The children scattered upon hearing that booming voice. There was anger but unbeknownst to them, the alchemist was more annoyed than angered. This wouldn’t be the first time that they had uninvited guests listening in on their conversations, though children aren’t as bad as other things in the world. The men scoff as one child lingers, far longer than he had any right to. As he was about to turn away from the barn, something in the shadows caught his eye. For a moment, it looked as though there was a single piercing, glowing eye staring at him, the dim light from within the building reflecting off of it intensely. The boy blinked but the light in the darkness was gone, and he was running after his friends as one of the alchemists loudly cleared his throat. 

● II ●

Amber was relieved that the alchemist that stayed in her home didn’t reveal her late night adventures to her parents. She was on her best behavior in the days following that night. All of her friends were, too. It still didn’t dissuade their interests in the enigmatic strangers and it only led them to plot yet another eavesdropping session for the next night the men met with one another on Trevor’s property once again.

“What do you think they were talking about?” 

“Who?”

“The alchemists! They say there was something… where was it? At the-?”

“Foot of the mountains?”

“Yeah! There! What do you think it is?” 

Jamie shrugged at Nicolas’s questioning. It could be anything… or nothing at all. His father didn’t put much trust in the alchemists and that distrust rubbed off on him. Nick was always one that wondered what was happening outside of their small town while the other children, and even most adults, didn’t pay it much mind. Or they tried to, at least.

“That guy sounded freaked out…” Nicolas continued. Amber listened to him, taking a peek at him from behind her bangs but rolled her eyes and looked away when she thought he caught her eye. 

“Who cares what it was. It’s not coming up here, right?” There was a brief pause and a moment of disquiet spread amongst them. 

“W-Wha-? C’mon! It’s not coming up here! Whatever it is, that one guy said it can’t come up the mountain!” Trevor made a face.

“Yeah…? I guess so… It freaked the alchemists out so it’s kind of scary…” Ember snorted at Trevor.

“What? You scared?” Amber and Jamie snickered as Trevor bristled. 

“H-Huh?! No! As if! I bet those alchemist guys would get all worked up over krill!” The children giggle as they imagine those stuffy, matter-of-fact alchemists examining a krill’s nest from afar, poking at it with a stick and running away when the annoyed crustacean-like oddities come flying in every which direction. Something similar has happened already, at least to a degree when an alchemist warned them away from a ground-dwelling krill that they had never seen before. He was so on edge that the children all thought he would begin to yell at them. They couldn’t understand why, though, as krill weren’t ever known to be dangerous, at least none that they all knew of. 

“Yeah, I guess you have a point there. But still…” Trevor was still unconvinced. 

He nervously picked at his fingernails and fidgeted in place, much like the girls did as they began to genuinely wonder about what could scare an adult so badly. Ember was nervous, too, as she began to chew at her lower lip while deep in thought. Nicolas’s brows were furrowed and he frowned deeply. Amber noticed this shift almost instantly, finding herself wondering aloud what was wrong before she could stop herself.

“Nick? You okay?” He looked over to her, brows still furrowed as he shrugged.

“Y-Yeah? Yeah, I guess… It’s just-” He tapped his foot on the ground, disturbing some of the fine dirt that covered the concrete floor underneath. The sound of crunching and scraping reverberated off the bare walls of his parents’ garage. Nicolas was struggling to find the courage to continue, repeatedly opening and shutting his mouth until Jamie shoved his shoulder and scoffed.

“Out with it! What?!” Nicolas made a face but swallowed thickly and swatted him away as he began to explain himself.

“Alright-! Jeez-! So… you know how I was the last one to leave the other night?” The others nod and mutter affirmatives. 

“Yeah?” Amber put her book down and was eagerly attentive, more so than the others were. 

“Well… I think that… there was something else in the barn with the alchemists.” 

The children looked at Nicolas with a mix of confusion and amusement. Ember and Jamie both snickered a little, while Trevor looked a little nervous, given that the barn was visible from his room, and Amber was more confused than anything else. 

“Um… what do you mean ‘there was something else’ there? Like… another person? Or… an animal?” Amber tried to offer some reasonable explanations. It wouldn’t be impossible for either to be the case… Though why would there be a non-alchemist there or even an animal, as none resided in the barn as far as she was aware, would be present. She hasn’t ever seen alchemists with animals… not that they have never been around or even brought some to their town, that is. It’s happened at least a few times… or at least that’s what Amber thought. Nicolas slowly shook his head and his frown deepened slightly.

“I… maybe it was an animal? It just… It didn’t seem like one. I-I don’t know…” He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and Trevor swallowed thickly. 

“W-What-? Like- Did it growl at you or something?!” Trevor was sweating a little. Jamie was too, even though he did live nearly as close to that barn as Trevor did.

“I-I don’t know if I like the idea of some kind of alchemist experiment being in town! What if it’s crazy?! Or if it’s some kind of monster that’s gonna eat us all?!” Trevor looked horrified at the prospect. Ember laughed nervously and so did Amber, even though she didn’t think it was funny in the slightest.

“What?! No! C’mon, why would the alchemists bring something dangerous into town? Right, Nick? It’s… It was just a normal animal, right? …Nick?” His jaw was set and a strange look was on his face. None of the other children could accurately place what emotion he was feeling, as it was completely foreign to them all. His eyes were wide and his lips were drawn into a thin line. His face was a little pale, almost green as a noticeable sheen of sweat began to collect on his browline. 

“It… was looking at me.” For a moment, it was as though Nicolas was in another world. He didn’t look at any of them, he wasn’t looking anywhere in particular, either, with his eye unfocused and his foot tapping in a nervous beat. 

“...It was kind of big. Really big. I couldn’t see it, it was in the back most part of the barn and it was really dark, but…” Trevor cut Nicolas off.

“Wait, wait w-wait-! How big was it?! What was it!? Nick?!” He could only shrug, looking as sick as Trevor did.

“I-I don’t know! It was dark! I-I just saw the light being reflected off its eye!” Ember made a face.

“‘Eye’? Like… one? How big are we talking?” Amber looked between her and Nicolas, who seemed momentarily lost in thought, raising his hands as he tried to guess the size as he gestured. 

“Like… this.” Nicolas brought his hands together, cupping them together in a size that was far too large for the biggest of creatures that any of the children had either seen or even heard of, nearly double that of a normal human eye, maybe even larger. It was difficult to tell, as Nicolas wasn’t very confident in relaying that size to his friends and seemed to second guess himself. 

“Wha-? No- What? Are you being serious? Are you messing with us, Nick?” Ember is incredulous, scoffing again as she turns to her other friends. Her confidence waned as she saw how uncomfortable they all looked, Trevor and Jamie especially. Nicolas slowly shook his head, still not quite catching her gaze as she addressed him.

“Nick?” He scratched the back of his head and looked over at Amber. He gave her a halfhearted smile.

“Yeah? I- uh- I don’t know what I saw… Maybe it wasn’t even an animal… I don’t really get those alchemist guys…” He chuckled but it was sort of empty, like he was trying to convince himself of what he was saying. A few of the others laughed too, everyone except for Trevor. 

“I… Are you sure? Because… I don’t want some freaky monster living in our barn!” He was on edge and began to chew at his fingernails. Amber reached over and placed her hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey- It’s probably okay, Trevor-”

“Y-Yeah?! Well… what if it’s not?! What if those alchemists brought something dangerous into town without telling anyone?!” Trevor was nearly hyperventilating. His voice was trembling and his entire body was shaking with enough intensity to make his teeth rattle. Nick’s frown went from distant to much more present and deep. He walked over to Trevor and put his hand on his other shoulder. 

“I-I really could have been mistaken! It was dark! I was spooked by that board breaking! And they yelled at me after you guys ran off, so- so maybe that made my mind play tricks on me.” Nicolas laughed nervously. His write off of his entire story didn’t help put Trevor at ease. 

“I-I… think I’m going to tell my parents.” Everyone bristled upon hearing this. 

“Uh- We’re all going to get into trouble for being out so late!”

“And for eavesdropping!” 

“Trevor-! Just chill out, dude! It’s probably fine!” Trevor shook his head, looking genuinely spooked. Everyone was looking at Nicolas, including Amber, who pleaded at him with her large eyes. 

“I-I- Oh! H-How’s about we go check it out later tonight?! You’ll see there’s no monster and-”

“What?! No! I-I’m not going out there! W-What if-?!” Trevor was stuttering and unable to speak properly. Jamie and Ember shared a glance, both making the same face. Nicolas was looking in between them all, his shoulders sagging as he realized that he’s likely the only one that will be offering himself up for this late night mission of his. Well… it was his idea… He thought that was fair, but he didn’t notice that Amber was fidgeting in place before she blurted out-

“I’ll go, then!” Amber raised her hand before the question really had a chance to drop. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked around, realizing that no one else was willing to come along. Nicolas looked surprised that she offered to come with him, eyebrows raised and mouth slightly agape. He quickly closed it and tried to shrug it off but Amber had already noticed it and he nodded to her. 

“I mean… only if you want to…” He mumbled it under his breath. It wasn’t like the two of them hadn’t done things like this in the past, but it still made his palms sweat a little at the thought of being alone with her…

“Y-Yeah! I mean- Yeah… if no one else is man enough to go!” Amber glared at Trevor and Jamie, who both made a face at her and crossed their arms. 

“I’d rather not get eaten by a creepy barn monster, thank you.”

“Y-Yeah! If you guys die, I’ll always remember your brave sacrifice!” Ember pushed Trevor by his shoulder.

“Dude! There is no monster in your barn!” 

“Yeah? So why are you going with them, too?!” Ember bristled.

“I-I have chores to do when I get home tonight! Y-You know-! Screw you, Jamie!” Ember huffed and stomped out of Nicolas’s garage with a huff. Amber looked at Jamie and frowned, while Nicolas just looked a little bewildered and Trevor looked vindicated. 

“I’m with Ember and Jamie. You guys are nuts for going out there at night after what Nick saw.” Nicolas sighed and Amber shrugged, trying to look indifferent even though she was becoming anxious at the mere thought of being out there in the middle of the night. Alone… with Nick… 

Jamie and Trevor both left for their homes, not far behind Ember. Amber and Nicolas were left alone together, a slightly awkward silence falling in between the two of them. 

“When… are we going to do it?” 

“Huh?” Amber blinked and turned to face Nicolas. He was rubbing the back of his neck again and shifting one of his feet around the gritty floor. 

“Uh- Just so you know, you don’t have to come with me. I-I don’t-”

“What? No! No, no, really, I don’t mind doing this! I wouldn't have offered if I wasn’t curious about what you saw.” Nicolas’s shoulders relaxed a little but he still seemed a little sheepish. He couldn’t quite meet Amber’s eyes but she didn’t bring any attention to it. 

“Oh-? Okay, okay! …so, maybe around nine or ten or something?” Amber nodded.

“Yeah! Yeah that sounds good. Um, I’ll have to go give my dad his dinner at the library at nine, though.” Nicolas perked up a little.

“I can come with you! Y-You know, I could-”

“-sneak out?” Amber was smiling a little in spite of her best effort not to. Nicolas’s eagerness to spend time with her wasn’t overlooked but she still couldn’t stop herself from feeling butterflies in her stomach. She tried to drop her smile but now she had an awkward, tight lipped expression on her face that Nicolas mimicked. 

“I’d… like that. I don’t think we have to worry about my dad much. You know how he is at night.” Nicolas nodded. Amber’s father was a little weird but not in a bad way, at least not in his opinion. 

“Yeah, we’ll play it cool.” Amber rolled her eyes.

“Yeah. ‘Cool’. That’s exactly what cool people say.” 

“Shut up! Sheesh-!” 

They both agreed to meet up in between their houses, which were only a block away from each other. The library was on the other side of town, and Trevor’s house on the outskirts opposite of where Amber’s father was working. Nicolas’s curfew was at around nine, so he pretended to go to bed early and snuck out of his home and met his friend down the road in between where they both lived.

“Have any trouble?” Nicolas shook his head.

“No, dad’s been out of town for a while and mom always goes to bed early lately.” It’s possible that he could get into trouble if anyone saw him out with Amber but most of the time he and his friends get a stern look and a head shake when they are out past their curfews. Anyway, if he just says he wanted to walk Amber into town, it would likely be forgiven, even by his mother who would be very displeased to learn that he was still sneaking out late at night. 

“Alright. If anyone busts you, though, I told you it was a bad idea.” Nicolas waved her off.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry! Who’s gonna get mad at a boy walking a girl into town late at night?” Amber shrugged.

“Dunno. Adults are weird.” That was something they both could agree on. 

It was always dark and humid outside, cool even during the current summer. It was dark enough that they both walked with flashlights, in the center of the cracked, roughly paved road without a care of being hit by a car, as none drove around in the mountains anymore, or anywhere else for that matter. The sky was permanently overcasted to the point it was nearly impossible to discern the time without a watch of some kind, and Amber always wondered if they even had the time right anymore. 

The trees appeared to be waterlogged, always dripping with water even when it hasn’t rained for some time. The leaves of the trees, even the pines that were supposed to keep their needles year round, were all brown-grey and sagging as though dead. A thick blanket of leaves covered the ground nearly ankle deep to the children, even on parts of the road. It made the need for long pants and thick shoes a necessity for anyone that walked around in the mountains. Otherwise their shoes and shins would be soaked in water and would likely ruin the footwear entirely. Amber and Nicolas made a game of carving a path through the thicker parts of the ground by dragging their feet, seeing who could make the most impressive lines that would last the longest. 

Entering the town they lived in, the streets were illuminated, though dully. There was more than enough light so the streets could be walked safely, though it flickered, waxed and waned as though the light was emulating a heart beat. It was, in a way. It brought Amber a little bit of comfort, a little bit of pride, too, as it was all thanks to her father this time at night. There weren't many people out at this time nor were there many places with the lights on. There never was, even in the typical daylight hours. A few places, like an old pizza shop that had been turned into a bar, still had some faint candle light reflecting in the windows but Amber and Nicolas didn’t bother to peek and see who was in there. They could guess Jamie’s dad was, along with some of the alchemists and older men that always seemed a little drunk no matter the time of day. 

“Do you think your dad is okay? The lights are flickering a lot tonight…” Amber shrugged and tried to shake off a leaf that had been stuck to her shoe since she began walking.

“Yeah? I mean I guess so. He’s probably distracted again. You know how he is, especially when he’s working at the library.” 

“It seems like a lot of work… How can he take care of everything?” 

“Well… it’s not like he has to make a conscious effort to keep the lights on. …not that it’s not hard or anything.” Amber didn’t think that her father didn’t put in a lot of work and she didn’t like it when others thought that of him. Nicolas never did, though Trevor and Jamie sometimes tried to insinuate that, much to Amber’s annoyance. 

“Yeah, I get it. I just wonder how it feels…” 

“Like, to do it?” 

“Yeah.”

“Honestly I have no idea. He doesn’t talk about it much for whatever reason. I don’t think he even knows.” 

Amber and Nicolas both had pulled their hoods up as they continued to walk. The breeze was wet and chilly, as it always was. They could hear the clicking and chittering of krill somewhere in an empty building on main street. The noises the crustaceans made were loud and echoed inside of the vacant building. Most of the buildings were empty in their town. There weren't many people that lived there and there weren't enough resources to do anything with them other than gut them for anything of value and feed it into places that were in constant use, like homes and the library and bar and the old clinic that Amber and Nicolas were just passing by. 

“By the way… What are you even bringing him?” Nicolas nodded towards the stain-soaked newspaper that Amber was holding under one of her arms. She slips it into one of her hands, making a face as she raises her arm into the air and grimaces at the greasy spot that was left behind that was dangerously close to her armpit. 

��Ugh-! It’s just some krill my mom bought off of Mr. Anders the other day… It keeps leaking all over the place and it kind of smells, though… I don’t know why she insists we eat this crap.” Amber made a face of disgust as she offered the meat to her friend. He returned the face and held his hands up in a ‘no, thank you’ gesture. He could smell it ever since he met up with her just outside of town and it only seemed to smell worse the longer they walked together. Nicolas could imagine a shrimpy looking krill that’s all bent out of shape with its feathers falling out and leaking all kinds of gross liquids crushed into the folded newspaper that his friend carried. He shuddered slightly and shook his head.

“Well… We’re almost at the library, so hopefully your dad will just toss it like he always does.” Amber laughs a little at this. 

“Yeah… He really hates krill…”

“He likes books, though.” She makes a face.

“Ugh, he likes the paper, Nick. He at least doesn’t try to eat the covers…”

“That you know of-” Amber rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, that I know of.” 

Both children felt a wave of anxiety wash over them as they finally began to approach the library. The building was one of the most nicely lit in the entire town, so much so that it nearly looked out of place. The outside of the two story building was by far the most modified of any, including the clinic. A lot of large, metal objects and an uncountable number of wires seemed to stick out every which way from every floor, including the roof. Neither Amber nor Nicolas really understand exactly how this helps the town produce power but they mostly just shrug it off, since there wasn’t much of a point wondering about it at their age. 

“Do… you think that he won’t ask any questions?” Nicolas shuffled to a halt behind Amber, who stopped only a few steps ahead of him. She turned to face him, sucking on her teeth.

“Well… why would he? I bring him food all the time and he usually doesn’t acknowledge me much because of how busy he is.” There was a hit of bitter hurt in her voice as she spoke. Nicolas felt a little guilty for asking, but it wasn’t like he was trying to hurt her feelings.

“Y-Yeah… I- Uh-” Amber shook her head.

“Let's just drop it off and go. The less we hang around the better.” 

Amber and Nicolas entered the library, fully intending to briefly call out to Amber’s father and drop the food off when he inevitably gave them some basic, distracted response as he always did. They expected to see the main floor of the library empty or to simply see her father hunched over one of the old, metal folding tables with either a stack of newspapers beside him or a few books he didn’t like that had most of the pages missing out of them. Amber and Nicolas did not expect to see her short, lanky father leaning against one of the bookshelves that was nearly two feet taller than he was with his arms crossed and an uncharacteristically stern, attentive look on his face as though he had been waiting for them to arrive this entire time. 

“U-Uh… D-Dad-?” 

“What did you think you’re doing?” Amber’s father’s face was stiff, a deep frown tugging at the corners of his wrinkled mouth and his bushy brows bunched up nearly to his thinning hairline. His daughter made a face, taken aback and confused. Her and Nicolas’s minds were running wild as they began to wonder if- or how- he could possibly know what they had planned for that night. 

“I- W-What? D-Dad, I’m just bringing you dinner! Nick came along because it was dark a-and he was already going into town anyway-” It was a bold lie on her part, and it only deepened her father’s frown. The children were genuinely stunned that the usually absentminded man seemed to instantly acknowledge the fact that they were up to no good. He unfolded one of his arms from his chest, the light blue glow from just underneath his partially unbuttoned shirt casting his face in an unattractive blue light. He beckoned his daughter over, and she couldn’t resist the urge to look at her friend, speechless as she took a few hesitant steps forward towards her father. 

“Amber. Don’t. I already know what you and your friends have done the other night. You’re going to stay here with me and Nicolas is going home.” Amber laughed nervously, turning to face Nicolas as she silently begged him to say something, do something, anything to prove him wrong.

“I-I don’t-! D-Dad! We didn’t do anything-!” 

“Y-Yeah,look-! I promise you, we didn’t-!” 

Amber’s father sighed heavily and allowed his other arm to drop to his sides. It was slightly awkward for him to move, thanks to the wires that ran from his chest and to the town’s power supply that was connected to the ceiling. The metal cables squeaked as he walked towards his daughter, offering a hand out so she could hand him the small wad of newspapers she was carrying in one of her hands. 

“Kids, please. I already know. I was already told all about your little adventure the other night.” He walked over to a partially opened window and briefly peered outside before he shoved his hand out, giving him the opportunity to shake the newspaper free of its contents. Amber’s father made a noise of disgust as he looked at the bloody stain left on the paper as he pulled it back inside of the window. He crumpled it up into his fist and pocketed the paper into his jeans. Amber felt defensive at the notion that one of her friends would tell on each other. They would get in trouble too! Did they think they would get less in trouble if they were honest? Nicolas was nervously clicking his flashlight on and off repeatedly. 

“W-Wha-? Dad! Hey, that was your dinner! What are you-?!” 

“I already have dinner, Amber. And so do you. You, Nicolas, need to head on home before your mother realizes you're gone.” Amber and Nicolas both watch her father walk over to one of the nearby folding tables, blinking in confusion as he places his hand on top of a slightly opaque jug that was filled with a reddish-black liquid. 

“Uh, what is that?” Amber’s father sat down with a grunt, right next to the jug. He wiped the sweat off his brow and beckoned his daughter over once again with a wave of his hand. 

“A gift from the men you and your friends were so damn rude to the other night by eavesdropping on things that aren’t your concern. Now come here and you go home, Nicolas. Straight home, and I mean that.” He shifted the container so that its contents sloshed around noisily. The liquid was thick, clinging to the jug’s inside and running down it in long, wide stripes that eventually became opaque, leaving behind a red stain in its wake. Amber and Nicolas wince at his tone, knowing full well that they had done something wrong but the sting of acknowledgement from an adult, especially one so close to them, made the children’s stomach twist up with shame. 

“D-Dad, I-I’m… We’re-” Amber’s voice trembled slightly but to her and Nicolas’s surprise, her father’s face softened and he reached out and offered to take her hand, which she accepted without hesitation.

“I know, baby. I know… But you did do something wrong and you shouldn’t forget that. You shouldn’t either, Nicolas. You and all of your friends meddled in affairs that aren’t your own. Not yet, anyway.” Amber nearly released her father’s hand in surprise. Nicolas was in shock, too. He opened his mouth to question but his eyes flicked over to his, and Nicolas lost his voice before he could even speak.

“Oh, and while you’re walking home, Nicolas, make sure to keep it down. The last thing we need is even more disruption now, of all times.”

Nicolas looked between Amber and her father, furrowing his brows at the final thing that he said. What did he mean ‘now, of all times’? Why did the alchemists tell on them?! They even said they wouldn’t as long as they left! His ears burned as he ducked his head and turned around to leave his friend. Amber didn’t really look at him, either, still feeling the burn from her father’s scolding. Nicolas was feeling it too, though he was also feeling a nagging in the back of his mind as he walked back through town. 

Why didn’t Amber’s father want them to go back to Trevor’s house? 

Of course he was annoyed that they snuck out and eavesdropped on the alchemists, but why did they tell him this, of all people? Why didn’t they tell the rest of their parents, like his mom, so they wouldn’t be able to sneak out again in the first place? Why would they let them sneak out again, only to stop them at their last stop before going back to the barn? Were they hiding something in there after all…? 

What did he see in the barn that night? 

Leaving the safe glow of the town set Nicolas on edge. He was hesitant to step out on the road, wondering if there really was some kind of monster stalking around the woods where he lived. Wouldn’t the alchemists warn them of this? They didn’t seem to tell the other adults about the thing that scared them at the foot of the mountain… Perhaps they wouldn’t say anything after all… Maybe Jamie’s dad was right to be wary of them, that they weren’t as truthful as Nicolas’s mother seemed to think they were. Then again, Amber’s father seemed to believe there was something going on, or that it at least wasn’t as safe as it once was. Why else would he keep Amber at the library? That made sense, in a way, but it left other things unclear in Nicolas’s mind.

Would Amber’s father allow him to get hurt if he knew something was wrong? 

It made Nicolas sweat as he walked back home. He was approaching the long, winding road that led to the Stillwaters ranch, where Trevor lived with his family. Would they be okay? Did they know that there was something going on or did the alchemists leave them in the dark too? Nicolas remembered the promise he made to Trevor, that he would check and see if there was anything weird inside of the barn beside his house. It would be dangerous to go up there at all… 

But Nicolas sucked in a deep breath and realized that he was already walking up that old gravel road towards his friend’s house. His feet were moving on their own, as though guided by some unknown force. The only thing that Nicolas could hear was the pounding of his heart in his ears and the crunching of his feet underneath the nearly overgrown road. His eyes flicked back and forth as he looked into the dark between the trees, wondering if there was anything- or anyone- watching him. He pointed his flashlight to the right, frowning as he struggled to keep the light steady in his hand. Nicolas grabbed it with his other hand, blinking as he moved it side-to-side.

It’s quiet. It’s always quiet this time of night but-

Where were all the krill?

The sound of shuffling causes Nicolas’s heart to skip a beat. He whips his flashlight around wildly in an attempt to identify the source but he couldn’t see anything whatsoever. It was as though the air around him was still. The humidity was almost unbearable and it was stifling, making it difficult for the child to breathe. Nicolas took several steps back, now realizing that he likely made a huge mistake not heading straight home like he should have. He wasn’t far from home… If he runs, he can make it there in less than ten minutes! Nicolas turns around and gasps in horror as he stumbles to a halt. 

In the darkness beside the road, the light of his flashlight is reflected off a single, large eye, just like the one he saw several nights ago in the barn. Whatever was looking at him, it was obscured by the gnarled bushes and low hanging tree branches in such a way that Nicolas couldn’t make out its shape. He took three involuntary steps backwards, eyes wide and straining to make sense of what he was seeing. The foliage shifts and strains, breaking apart as the eye rises to a terrible height. Nicolas’s flashlight shakes so violently that he cannot get a clear visual on the creature, even though it was shrugging off branches and leaves that had tangled into its massive form. His eyes are so wide that he can no longer make out his surroundings. Which direction was he facing? Which way was the road and which way was his friend’s house? Nicolas’s breaths come out in short, panicked bursts, puffing up like smoke in the cold nighttime air and further clouding his vision. He wanted to turn and run but his body refused to respond to his demands. 

Run.

R-Run…

Run! 

Run, damn it-!

RUN!!! 

M-Mom….! 

“D-Dad?” 

“Uh huh?”

Amber sat beside her father, a little numb as she watched him set down two glasses in between her and himself. He strained to open the jug of reddish-black liquid but succeeded as he broke the seal of dried blood that had nearly glued it shut. She swallowed and thought about what she wanted to ask him first. There was a lot on her mind and she didn’t know where to start. Her father sensed this and poured a glass until it was nearly overflowing before he pushed it in his daughter’s direction. 

“Have you eaten anything today?” Amber frowned at the liquid in front of her. It had a strong smell and it made her stomach growl, but she still didn’t know what it was.

“Um… Yeah… Earlier. …what is this, anyway? The alchemists gave it to you?” She peered into the glass, knowing full well that it was blood of some sort, but it had dark flecks that either settled to the bottom of the glass or continued to float in the mixture almost indefinitely, as if it couldn’t decided if it was heavier or lighter than the liquid it was drifting in. 

“Yeah. As a sort of apology for getting me involved in their affairs.” Amber sank lower in her chair.

“I’m… sorry, dad…” 

“Do you even know what you’re apologizing for, Amber?”

“I… Huh?” She watched as her father pushed her glass towards her. She only stared at it, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she watched him pull out the newspaper he wadded into his pocket earlier and tossed it onto the table.

“Dad- Ew, seriously?” He dragged a thin book towards him and opened it so that many of the sloppily torn pages stuck out every which way. 

“What? Don’t ‘ew’ me when I saved you from that shit your mother keeps buying. I know you sneak most of your portions out and toss them when she’s not looking.” Amber ducked her head again as her face burned with shame. 

“I-Is there anything you don’t know…? I’m- I-I’m-” Her father put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a lopsided embrace. 

“Honey, it’s okay. I was slipping the food I didn’t like to the pet dog I had when I was your age. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s different when it’s about important things, things that kids have no business getting themselves involved in.” He poured his own glass as he spoke, putting the jug down and immediately picking up the newspaper and unfolding it so he could tear it into uneven strips.

“You should drink some, though. It’s good for you.”

“...you still haven’t told me what it is.” 

Almost as if it sensed the boy’s intention to run, the creature suddenly sprung into action, covering a distance of nearly a dozen yards in one long, even stride. Nicolas’s eyes widen and he can feel a few stray tears fall from his face as a blur of black-grey comes careening towards his face. Was… Was he about to die…? He can’t do anything other than stand there, mouth agape and his entire body trembling with terror. His flashlight reflected off the being’s claws, bringing attention to how polished they were, as though someone had taken great care in maintaining them. A sharp breath squeezed past his tightened throat and Nicolas found it impossible to cry out as his chest was snatched by the monstrous being’s clawed-hand and his entire body was swept off the ground as he was pushed deeper into the dark woods. 

If it wasn’t for his freeze response, Nicolas was sure that he would be dead already. He could feel branches breaking against his back, twigs and sharp thorns snagging into his clothing and nicking his skin in spite of all his thick layers. There was nothing he could do other than curl himself into a tight ball and pray that when he was inevitably eaten, that his death would be quick and relatively painless. He screwed his eyes shut and held his breath, waiting for the creature to toss him into the air, to tear him to shreds, to do… something other than run through the forest with him in hand. Was it taking him to its den? Would he be eaten alive by a group of them?! His center of gravity suddenly shifted downwards and Nicolas released a startled yelp as his back collided against a hard and smooth surface. He should have been surprised that he experienced little to no pain from the sudden impact, but Nicolas was so overcome with shock that he could do nothing else other than stare at the beam of his flashlight, which only capture a very small portion of the being’s form and was smothered by a large, ragged cloth that seemed to drape off of one of its shoulders. 

“GHRAA- N-Nauuughty chil-ldrennn- CKH- CKH- CKH- get e-eate-en in tale-es of oooold.” 

A puff of steam enveloped Nicolas’s body as a weathered voice spoke around him. His eyes were focused on an imaginary point just to the side of the being, unable to drag his eyes towards any one point on its body. Out of the corners of his tunneled vision, he could make out shining, glittering metal, long, stained teeth, the curve of a set of horns that framed both the creature’s and his face as it leaned down to meet his eyes. He hadn’t realized that his feet were now touching the ground, that the beast was scarcely pinning him in place. It craned its neck, as though examining him, a deep, unsettling rasp filling the air and vibrating his eyeballs as it prepared to speak again.

“It’s something the alchemists gave me. Their own concoction. They won’t share the recipe with me, no matter how many times I ask them.” Amber’s father sighed as he patted the handle of the jug. Amber only nodded as she breathed through her nose. 

“Did… they bribe you or something…?” Her father hummed as he dipped one of the slivers of paper into his glass. 

“‘Bribe’, ‘apologize’, does it really matter, Amber?” The paper is wet and heavy as he flips it onto itself. Her father picks up the cup and holds it underneath his hand as he stuffs the blood-soaked paper into his mouth. Amber makes a face but it falls as her father’s words settle over her.

“I… guess it doesn’t. Dad-?”

“Mmpfh-?” He slurped up the liquid that soaked into the paper before he began to chew on it. 

“I… um-” 

“I genuinely- Mmpfh- don’t know what’s in it. The alchemists keep little things like this- close to their chest. Something about having things they can- Mmm- can barter with, I think.” Amber blinked and shook her head.

“Huh-? No, dad, it’s okay, I’m just…” Amber stared at her glass as her father slammed back half of his. She pulled it closer to her and chewed on her inner cheek.

“You said that…”

“Hmm?” As he wiped the back of his hand, Amber picked up her glass.

“...that we- me and my friends- that we got in… ‘things that don’t involve us’? What did you mean by that, dad?” He breathed in sharply through his nose and hummed to himself as she put the drink up to her lips and took a sip. 

“It’s… not really a simple thing, Amber. I get why you did what you did, I would have done the same at your age. It’s why I’m not angry at you or your friends. But it doesn’t change the fact that you meddled in affairs that are way bigger than you are.” Amber’s eyes widen as the taste of the alchemists’ concoction hits her tongue.

“HHHRRR- SHU- SHU- SHU- Children should take-e toooo- HHHRRR- fae-rrrytales…” 

Shuddering, gasping breaths escaped from the being’s split rib cage. A soured yet delicate smell hit Nicolas’s nose and he couldn’t decide whether or not he was already dead and this was hell or if this was real and he was still alive, if only until the beast decides to devour him whole. His entire body was engulfed in a humid heat that persisted in the area around him, clouding his vision and causing the light of his flashlight to become suffocated in the haze. 

“Lessonssss… wov-en in hor-ror- HHHRRR- SHU- SHU- SHU- and n-never just o-ooone…” 

Nicolas’s eyes widen as the creature leans in closer to him. As it shifts in place, its enormous snout nearly taps him on the crown of his head. A thin, knobby knee buckles under the weight of the body its supports and the gleam of metal that had caught his eyes earlier slides against the front of his shins. The boy’s breath caught in his chest and he wheezed as he gasped for air, utterly petrified as the limb- inorganic and artificial- pressed into his right elbow and subtly shifted the light directly into its face. The tears that welled in Nicolas’s eyes now freely fell as his vision narrowed and his sight jumped from sharp point to sharp point, lingering on nothing other than the one large, gleaming eye that burned itself into his core. 

“But this is a ne-ew… world, with ne-ew talessss…” 

Unbeknownst to him, the creature had released its hold on his shirt and instead hooked one of its great claws around his left arm, just above his wrists where he held his fist clenched tightly. For such a large beast, its dexterity was impressive, as it effortlessly maneuvered his arm into its grasp and unfurled his clenched fingers from his palm. It shifted its arm so the light jumped and twitched away from its face and towards its and Nicolas’s hands. Short, suffocated wheezes squeeze out from his tightening throat as the creature’s eye flicked away from his face, down to his outstretched palm that faced skywards. 

“Wha-aaat- HHHRRR- SHA- SHA- SHA- will ec-chooo within pup…? Traaa-gety ooorrr ser-pen-dipity…?” 

Nicolas watched with wide eyes as the creature curled this massive claw-tipped thumb across his palm. The obsidian-black talon dug into the roughened texture of his skin, slicing through it with such ease that the boy felt nothing, even as he watched thick and dark blood bead up from the wound and eventually pool into his slightly cupped palm. Nicolas blinked, his heart and guts dropping to his feet as his flashlight reflected dully off the reflection of his blood. It was thick, almost sticky as it threatened to run over the sides of his hand, much like used oil that has been used past its usefulness until nothing but filth and wear and tear remained. The entity chortled, a sound that was paradoxically mirthless yet carried a tune that would suggest amusement. 

“Sss-See- Ehhh? Pu-up…- GRHAA- SHU- SHU- SHU- Wh-Wha-at boyy blee-eeds bla-aaack…?” 

To his horror, Nicolas listened and watched as the creature’s rib cage began to expand, a bone crunching SNAP and CRACK hitting his ears as the beast shrugged and shuddered. His breath caught in his throat as several rows of teeth and its lower jaw rattled in the creature’s vacant skull, loosening themselves from where it was stuffed into place. A long, thick tongue was attached to the bone that plugged the beast’s mouth, yard upon yard of raw muscle unfurling from the depths of the creature’s body. 

The hairs on Nicolas’s body stood on end as he felt the power behind its tongue as it slapped against his bleeding palm and lap up the black blood that poured from the wound. A low rumble echoed from within the beast’s body, a sound that was almost deafening around Nicolas’s head. Feet of tongue slithers against his palm before it was suddenly retracted back within its body, coiling against itself in waves not unlike a rope before the bone-like protrusions at its tip snap back into place around the underside of the creature’s front most teeth with a startling CLACK! The one, great eye that had been trained on Nicolas had vanished, seemingly having rolled up into the anomalous being’s head. A wave of hot nausea spread throughout his body and a cold sweat erupted across his skin. Nicolas felt as though he was about to be sick as the creature seemed to savour the flavour of his blood. When its eye eventually opened, the abject horror that Nicolas had felt throughout this encounter felt like a distant memory in comparison to the terror that he was now faced with as the entity took slow, deep breaths in preparation to speak.

“Things aren’t like they used to be, when I was your age… Just about everything is different, yet it’s all the same still.” Amber’s father sighed as he pushed his empty glass around with the tip of one of his fingers. The lighting pulsed with his heartbeat, slightly irregular but quickly returning to the same rhythm that it always was within moments. 

“There’s things that kids concern themselves with and things for adults. Kids always want to stick their noses where they don’t belong, even when it’s for the best that they don’t.” He trailed off as he watched his daughter chug the last remnants of her dinner. Her lips were a blackish-red and a few stray drops ran down from the corner of her mouth. She licked her lips and struggled between expressions of thoughtfulness and surprised delight. Her father smiled at her, though there was a hint of sadness underneath it in the way his brows furrowed and his head tilted downwards. He grabbed the long sleeve of his stained shirt and scrubbed it against Amber’s mouth, in spite of her halfhearted protest for him to stop. 

“You’re… trying to grow up too fast, Amber. You don’t want to involve yourself in the affairs of adults. Trust me… you don’t.” He sighed as he let his daughter push his hand away from her. Amber was quiet and kept her hand on her father’s wrist. 

“Dad…?” 

“Yeah?” 

“What is going on…? I mean- Should I- Should we be scared?” He placed his other hand on top of her’s and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I… I don’t know, baby. I honestly don’t know… But-” Her father gently pulled in close and allowed her to rest her head on his shoulder. Amber felt anxious but being so close to her father, even if his core was quite literally burning hot, brought her comfort.

“-but I won’t let anything happen to you. Not if I can help it… Just… “ He trailed off a little as he sighed. He released her hand and instead placed it on top of her head, gently smoothing her hair down a little as he struggled to find the right words.

“...just let me help you, okay? Don’t go getting yourself into shit you won’t be able to get yourself out of.” His words left Amber silent. She could only nod silently as she closed her eyes. There was a dull throb behind her eyes that made her throat squeeze tightly, but she managed to swallow it down and stifle it before she burst into tears. 

“I’m sorry, dad…” Her father squeezed her tightly.

“Don’t be sorry, baby… Just be careful. I love you and I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you-” 

His voice quivered a little and his shoulders began to tremble and heave slightly, as though he were about to break out into a sob. Amber felt her tears briefly dry out of shock, but then they came cascading down her face as her father failed to fully hold back a shaky breath from escaping his lips. She didn’t know what to say or think, so she just held onto him tightly and mumbled out an ‘I love you too, dad’ underneath her breath as she briefly thought about Nicolas and whether or not he went straight home, like her father asked him to, or if he went to Trevor’s instead…

“HHHRRRUUU- S-Ssssuch an unfor-tunate pup… SHU- SHU- SHU- Your purpose is to-” 

The creature’s breath caught in its throat, releasing a harsh wheezing nicker from its open ribs. Its teeth clicked together as its mangled arm readjusted Nicolas’s flashlight back towards its face. 

“-to ssssave us al-ll.” 

The thick tip of a claw was pressed into Nicolas’s forehead. The weight behind it was staggering, forcing the back of his head to touch the wall behind him. All Nicolas could do was look up at the Anomaly, his entire body going slack as the terror he felt morphed into something unrecognizable. 

“Sssuch a sad litt-le pup… You a-lone… HHHRRR- mussst break the sk-y….” 

The Anomaly straightens herself up and pulls away from Nicolas’s collapsing body. His eyes were pinpricks, quivering in their sockets as thick tears streamed down his pale cheeks. She lets the boy’s flashlight fall to his side where it ultimately drops from his loose grasp and clatters onto the ground underneath him. The light instantly dies, leaving them both in a darkness that was nearly complete. She could easily make the child out and how his shoulders heaved slightly as he hiccuped on his sobs. With a loud POP, she cracks her neck and releases a breathy groan as she prepares to haul her massive body onto her feet.

Nicolas was scarcely able to breathe, wheezing every time he took a half breath in. His flashlight lay forgotten at his side, even as he blindly clambered around in the dark. He couldn’t find his footing, no matter how hard he tried. Nicolas’s hands found the leaf-covered ground, shuddering at the wet, slimy texture that sank up to his elbows that did nothing to cool the fever that had his body in a vice grip. He panted as he mustered up the strength to rise to his feet, arms outstretched and flailing weakly as he struggled to maintain his ever-changing sense of balance that seemed to pull him every which way other than the direction that he wanted to go. 

Where… Where did he want to go? 

The trees stretched overhead, twisting in on themselves and blotting out the leadened skies overhead. Their presence was overbearing. Suffocating. Nicolas was drowning, desperately trying to claw his way to the surface of an impossibly deep forest and had no respite in sight. Again and again, he fought, he ran, he climbed and struggled and writhed and all he could do was settle to the black abyss below, too heavy to move, too weak to do much else other than curl in on himself and whisper that final, fleeting machination that has been imparted unto him and a legion of others.

An unnatural strength surged from his core, a final rush before the depths crushed his being. Nicolas scrambled and clawed his way to the topmost branch of the tallest tree, frantically smashing his fists against the canopy and bracing his forearms against it, pushing with all his might as a single phrase echoed in between his ears and coursed through his entire body.

Break 

         the 

               sky.

                      |

                     |

@prettycutebunny, @infinitewhore, @kennbb, @cherrysodalite, @thanksatt, @pink-soft-shadow, @sinlessdesire, @hoemine, @memoryofheather @horny-3

[keiththecat]

Admissible (Part Eleven)

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Female Reader (You)

Summary: You've always hunted alone. That is, until Bobby sends you on a hunt near the Winchester brothers. How will things change when they come to help?

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: 18+, series typical violence and monsters, weapons, cursing, groping/ almost sexual assault, self-doubt/ self-esteem issues, character death, injuries, hurt/comfort

Author's Note: Warning: hospital setting (and possibly inaccurate medical talk?) Sorry for the extra long delay on this chapter. Work and some personal things have been kicking my behind. The coming weeks are looking to be just as busy for me, so I will update whenever I possibly can but I can't promise weekly updates. I hope you're still with me (and hopefully not too angry). Thank you all for continuing to read! I hope you continue to enjoy it!! Y/N is your name, and feedback is always welcome. Thanks for reading and thanks for all the love so far! <3

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or any of the related characters. The Supernatural series is created by Eric Kripke and owned by The CW Network. This work of fan fiction is for entertainment only. I am not making a profit of any kind from this story. All rights of the original Supernatural series belong to The CW Network.

Part One

AO3 link here

Your consciousness comes crawling back to you, and the first things you register are the incessant beeping of a heart monitor and the sterile smell that accompanies hospitals. You can feel an uncomfortable bed underneath you and scratchy blankets on top of you, bandages on your face and thigh, a heavy-duty sling holding your right arm securely against your chest. You can feel the chill of IV fluids pumping into your left arm at the elbow, and you assume there are pain medications mixed into the fluids due to the mostly dull ache throughout your body. You pry your eyes open as much as you can around the swelling from the demon’s beatings. You’re greeted by the heartwarming sight of an adorable giant awkwardly folded in a chair by the left side of your bed, his hand holding onto yours like his life depends on it. His head is resting on the bed facing away from you, his hair fanned out across the top of your arm, and you can hear soft snores coming from him. 

Smiling at the cute sight in front of you, you try to gently wake him up by whispering his name. Sam doesn’t stir, so you try gently squeezing his hand. This startles him awake, and he shoots up, eyes frantically scanning the room for threats as his free hand reaches for his gun. Once his eyes bounce back to yours, you can see the instant he realizes that you’re awake and you’re what woke him. His free hand leaves his gun and joins his other hand in holding yours. “Hey, you’re awake. Are you in pain? How are you feeling?” His hair is tousled from his odd sleeping position, and he’s looking at you with those sweet puppy dog eyes.

“I-,” you try to speak but your dry throat and mouth stop you, and you try clearing your throat.

“Oh! Here, sorry,” Sam says as he reaches for a cup of water and brings the straw to your lips for you to drink.

After drinking some, your voice works but comes out scratchy, “I’m okay. I’ve had worse. What happened?”

“Well how much do you remember?” He asks, taking your hand in his again.

You explain as much as you can, from breaking into the cabin until leaning yourself up against the wall while talking to him. He takes over from there, telling you that he made the hour-long drive in about half the time and found you passed out against the wall inside the barn. He brought you to the hospital, worried about the blood loss and the location of the knife in your leg. 

It’s at this time that a doctor comes into the room, and you assume a nurse passing by must have alerted her to your alert status. The doctor, a tall middle aged brunette with a kind face, introduces herself as Doctor Roth and describes the extent of your injuries: dislocated shoulder (“you’re lucky the dislocation was reduced when it was or your shoulder may have needed surgical intervention”), several broken ribs (“breathing will hurt for a while, but you’re very lucky your lungs weren’t punctured”), stab wound to your thigh (“incredibly lucky you didn’t bleed out with the laceration to your femoral artery we had to repair”), and various cuts and bruises.

“All things considered,” Doctor Roth says, “your injuries will absolutely take time to heal, but I’d say you have an angel watching over you out there. And your sweet husband here, too. He hasn’t left your side since he carried you through the hospital doors.” 

You feel yourself blush and Sam gives your hand a little squeeze, reminding you that he has been holding your hand this whole time.

“I’d like to keep you one more night for observation, but we can talk about your discharge tomorrow,” Doctor Roth continues. “I’ll let you get some rest and we’ll talk in the morning.” She turns and exits the room, leaving you alone with Sam again. 

“Sorry,” Sam apologizes, “saying we were married was the easiest way I could stay here with you.” He starts to pull his hand away but you hold on tighter.

“It’s okay, Sam. I don’t mind. I feel safer knowing you were here.”

He gives you a shy smile, ducking his head and his hair falls into his eyes.

“Now that I’m awake though, you really should take a break and take care of yourself. When was the last time you slept lying down? Or ate something?”

He lifts his head, shaking his hair back out of his face. “Oh, I’m okay-“

“Sam,” you scold. “Go to the cabin where my stuff is and rest.” You give him the coordinates for the cabin you broke into before being taken by the demons.

He takes a deep breath, debating. “Alright, alright,” he concedes, standing and running his hands through his hair. “I’ll go get some food and sleep. But only a couple hours and I’ll be back. Besides, Dean should be here any minute now. He can keep you company.”

“Dean is coming? And he’s almost here already? How long was I out?”

“Almost two days.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. Two days? Damn, I guess they did more of a number on me than I thought. “Wait, you’ve been just sitting here for two days? You’re insane,” you half-jokingly accuse.

“I had to make sure you were okay,” he counters. “The nurses brought me some food and offered me a cot. And I haven’t been bored. I’ve been working on research and remotely helping other hunters.”

Now you notice his laptop set up at the small table and chair in the corner of the room. You can see food wrappers in the trash can next to it. He makes his way over, starting to pack up his things as his phone starts to ring. He answers, giving your room number and talking about your doctor’s newest update, and you assume it must be Dean on the other side of the call. A few quick moments later, Dean walks through the door as both brothers hang up their phones.

“Hey, kiddo,” Dean says to you, making himself comfortable in the chair beside you and using the bed’s remote to turn on the TV in the corner of the room. “Alright, Sammy, go do what you have to do. I’ll be here ‘til you get back.”

Sam swings his bag over his shoulder, coming over to kiss you on the forehead before starting toward the door.

“What, no kiss for your big brother?” Dean goads, smirk on his face.

“Jerk,” Sam says, continuing out the door and leaving.

“Bitch,” Dean responds.

*

Despite being unconscious for the last couple days, you fall back asleep shortly after Sam leaves. You wake slightly when Sam returns a few hours later, but you fall back asleep quickly. The next time you are fully awake, the sun is rising and you realize you can hear Dean and Sam having a hushed conversation in the corner of the room.

“So you don’t know where he is?” Sam asks quietly.

“No, I haven’t heard from him and he hasn’t been answering prayers either,” Dean responds. “I’m starting to get a little worried.”

You use the bed’s controls to raise the head of it and sit up, “are you guys talking about Castiel?”

The brothers realize you’re awake, Sam coming to the seat next to you again and Dean taking a step closer. “Yeah, we were hoping he would meet up with us when we leave here and heal you,” Sam says.

“Sounds to me like we should be more worried about where he is and what’s going on with him,” you say. Sam opens his mouth to argue but you cut him off, “I’ll heal, Sam. I’ll be okay. A little pain is good for the soul. Let’s get the doctor and get me out of here, and we can look for Cass.”

Dean agrees, heading out into the hall to find someone who can discharge you. You grab Sam’s hand with your good one, making him look at you, “I know you’re worried about me and you mean well, but I promise I’ll let you know when I need help. It sounds like Cass needs help more than I do right now.” Sam reluctantly agrees.

Doctor Roth comes in, going over all of your restrictions and instructions for healing while a nurse removes your IV catheter. You sign all of the necessary paperwork for discharge, and Doctor Roth wishes you well. Dean comes back, holding your duffel bag that Sam must have grabbed from the cabin last night. You rifle through it as best you can, pulling out your comfiest clothes to put on. The nurse helps you into the bathroom and helps you change. You do your best to ignore the purple bruises littering your body. 

With you dressed and ready to leave, Sam and Dean help you out to the cars, explaining that they got another trusted hunter to drive your car back to the bunker. Saying a quick goodbye to Dean, he gets into the Impala and Sam helps you into the passenger seat of his car. With everyone ready, you all start the long drive back to Lebanon.

Part Twelve

[fandoms-in-law]

Tropes

Summary: Eddie tries to add Steve as a character in a campaign. His first attempt leaves Steve hurt and upset so he tries to fix it.

/\/\

He was put into a trope.

A friend wrote a story and all he was given was an overdone arrogant trope that claimed men saw no consequences for leaving their loved ones behind only to return again later.

So he'd argued. He'd pointed out how he actually felt like reacting as the scene was described. Imagined further, the later on point he knew was coming where he'd get a reunion and described that too, opened his eyes to see his friend writing down everything he was saying with awe at the feedback and tore the pages out, tore them to pieces.

If he was going to be put into a trope, even in his friends imaginings then he wasn't going to give them the words to make it right, or the ending to the story that would stop him being annoyed. That's for them to figure out and either put in the time to actually consider the real people being used as characters or to create new characters that would fit whatever story he was making.

People aren't literary tools; not real physical people who laugh and cry and could be described for pages without running out of new quirks and views to share. He refused to let his friend, so set on writing a novel, or just a campaign, forget that.

Because it wasn't just him put into a trope.

He was just the one with the least say in how the story went from there as he was the one who wasn't playing the DnD campaign.

/\/\

Eddie stared at the pieces of pages scattered around Steve's dining room after the other had walked out, shoulders tensed and beginning to hunch inwards.

The campaign was meant to be a bit of fun, a way for Steve to be included in their game without pushing him to play but somehow it had gone wrong, wrong enough that even taking notes over how Steve thought his character should act next seemed to have been the wrong choice and he wasn't sure why.

A cough near the doorway made him look over to see Robin there, something guarded in her eyes as she came closer and started brushing the torn pieces into a pile. “That wasn't Steve you were describing. Not my Steve, the guy we've all been hanging out with, so his imaginings won't work for your campaign.” She said quietly, though Eddie had been sure she'd say something about her own character in it all.

“I was trying to include him.” Eddie replied, lost over what else he could say, how he could formulate all the questions and fears now spiralling in his head.

Robin nodded back, “We know. That's why he isn't angry, just hurt. That was the Steve from the kids jokes, or from high school before all the shit started happening. You described an illusion of something he had to be to survive and then made him react in ways everyone knows he would never do. I mean, hell, I'm mad because you made me a fucking librarian to help translate texts and the only scene you include both me and Steve in made us hate each other. But at least you used something of who I actually am there.”

The words echoed in Eddie's mind as he thought through everything he'd seen since properly meeting Steve and now he was deflating into the chair. “I fucked up.”

“Yes, so what are you doing now?” Robin agreed, moving to take the pages away and let him think through things more.

He reached out with one hand to stop her. “Can I keep those? I was basically just copying everything Steve said down so they might help me think through a solution.”

“Sure.”

Eddie didn't see Steve again that evening, tidying up the dining room and leaving quietly trying to think through a solution.

/\/\

It had been three days since the campaign and the kids still joked about Steve's appearance in it. They seemed to take Eddie doing so as legitimising their teasing and got more serious about it.

Eddie hated it.

He'd snapped the first time he heard them make the jokes again, and glared whenever a kid said something that, now he was looking closer, did hurt Steve.

Dealing with that was going to be it's own problem for the more stubborn kids but he'd managed to get Lucas and Will to stop with just a comment or two, and got told off by El and Max for encouraging it in the first place.

Now though Eddie's priority was making his own apology and asking for help in his campaign. He'd got a few ideas and story hooks he thought could be used to either overrule the Steve insert he'd originally used or pull them closer to the man they all knew.

/\/\

He wasn't a trope, or someone to be pushed into tropes.

He was a dozen different characters:

The baker who encouraged the party to keep returning without anything being done to help him.

The librarian's brother in town for a while and stepping in to save the party from a combat too difficult for them to win without it

The cursed prince, betrayed by his family that they could uncover and save

A knight paid to play a role but subtly, slowly changing it

And so many more options that it felt like Eddie must have given up sleep trying to find them all.

He was seen and was multifaceted.

“Can you use two of them?” He asked, looking over the ideas and tugging out the librarian's brother and the paid knight pages.

Eddie grinned, “I think that'll work perfectly.”

[mickimomo]

The 'I Worship My Wife' Committee (Part 3)

The Panther's Wrath

Link to Part 2

Namor entered the room and sat down with a forlorn expression on his face.

Attuma: Aj K'uk'ulkan, what is wrong?

Namor: Shuri.

Oni: What about her?

Namor: She got mad and said she hated me.

Aneka: What happened?

Namor: We had an argument.

Attuma: About?

Namor: I've been trying to plan out dates, so that we can spend time together. But she keeps forgetting and getting mad when I get frustrated.

Aneka: Did you try to remind her?

Namor: Yes. I tried dragging her out of the lab, and she exploded.

Oni: Then it sounds like you need to give her space.

Aneka: Yeah. Knowing Shuri, she'll come around.

Namor: She hates me.

Attuma: They were only words of anger.

Namor: And she meant them.

Oni: No. No. Hey. *gently pats his shoulder* Shuri gets really angry when people drag her away from her lab.

Aneka: Yeah. Whenever she gets an idea, she has to see it through.

Namor: But hate is such a strong emotion. How could she not mean it? *lowers his head* I mean, have any of your lovers ever told you they hated you?

Attuma: Okoye said it once while sobbing because the shaved ice shop didn't have anymore honeydew syrup to make the melon trifecta flavored ice. Being pregnant has often made her feel very strongly, so I do not take it to heart. She cried about it later and refused to leave my side until I had convinced her that I was not offended.

Aneka: How did you convince her?

Attuma: I worshipped her body.

Oni: So you fucked her.

Attuma: That word sounds less heartfelt. It should not be tossed around when describing the acts of lovers. You should not use it thoughtlessly.

Oni: Would you prefer busting it wide open?

Attuma: That sounds violent.

Oni: Making love?

Attuma: That's a nice way to describe making a child.

Oni: Wow. That's deep.

Attuma: Thank you.

Namor: What about you two?

Aneka: I've actually been the one to say it after a really nasty argument. It's rare, but it is my way of expressing that I really am angry and that I feel extremely wronged. Ayo usually lets me work through my feelings, and then we talk it out when we're both calm.

Oni: And I've never told Amora that I hate her, and she's never told me that she hates me either.

Namor: But what if you did?

Oni: Mm. I don't think we would. At least not seriously. I think the closest thing I've done to telling Amora I hate her is call her Namora.

Aneka: But that's her name.

Oni: To everyone else. From me, it always pisses her off.

Aneka: Why?

Oni: Namora is like K'uk'ulkan's second name... the origin comes from sin amor. Without love. When I use it. I am withdrawing my love that makes her Amora.

Aneka: Awwwww. That's so sweeeeeeeet.

Namor: How do you make amends after calling her Namora?

Oni: It usually ends with her fuc- *Attuma glares at her* -I mean worshipping me until I call her Amora again.

Namor: But what if she makes you really angry?

Oni: Then she repents by apologizing and doing everything she can to make amends. And I eventually forgive her.

Namor: I'm not seeing a solution for my own issue in any of this. *groans as he rubs his face*

Attuma: I think you should just wait things out.

Aneka: I agree. I mean. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Just give her time to think about it.

Namor: What if she doesn't come back to me?

Oni: She will.

Namor: How do you know?

Oni: K'uk'ulkan. You married my best friend when everyone thought it was the dumbest idea in the entire world. You've endured judgment. Reminders of your wrongs. And so much more.

Namor: That's not making me feel better.

Oni: The point I was trying to make is... do you really think Shuri would marry you and stay married to you if she truly hated you?

Namor: I don't know.

Aneka: She would have ran that spear through your neck on that sandy shore if she hated you. And if not then, she would have definitely gotten you back by now if she truly didn't like you.

Namor: What if she's getting back at me now.

Attuma: I do not know Shuri's heart. In fact, none of us do. All I can suggest is that you give her time. She showed you who she was when she spared you and won your heart. You must trust that she will come around eventually.

Aneka: Yes. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Oni: And if it doesn't, we'll come up with a grand plan to fix everything. Ok?

Namor: If Shuri does not want me, I will not beg for her. *gets up* I will give her space and time, but I will not wait forever.

They all watched him walk away.

Attuma: How long do you think Shuri will make our king wait?

Aneka: A week?

Oni: Three days.

Attuma: Mm.

Link to Part 4

[yjano]

All of me.

Part 5.

Pairing: Jake x Mc.

Warnings: slow burn, swearing, angst, a little fluff, smut, violence and other pairings.

Words: 5.2k

Author's note: Although this story is not related to the Duskwood game, I will add some of our beloved characters. Please read it only if you're into angst prison stories, slow burns, etc. A little hint: You will get to see some similarities to Jake and his gang from "Never The Same" fic.

I hated it, I really hated it in here. Just when I thought that things were going right. Or at least somewhat right, right wasn't exactly the best word to describe your situation inside a prison. Things were going fucked up once again. Three days had passed, three days in which things went pretty good. Jake was still keeping himself low and the other prisoners didn't bother me that much when Jake was with me.

Three days in which things actually looked somewhat good. At least until visiting time came around. My mother had come to visit me, but unlike the last few times I wasn't happy with her visit. My mother kept acting like nothing happened and whenever I mentioned my father she would change the subject as fast as possible.

I had no idea why she kept avoiding the subject like it was some kind of war subject, but it irritated me to the bone. I just wanted to know why my dad suddenly decided to turn his back to me and if my mother was having the same thoughts. Only problem was that there was really no way to mention the whole subject without my mother blurring out something random and rambling on about that until she thought that I had forgotten about my earlier question.

Problem with that was that I didn't forget my question and kept bringing it up, making the two of us go round and round in endless circles. Normally I hated the time limit I had when my mother came to visit me. But this time I was glad there was a time limit since our conversation was going nowhere.

At some point I had decided to completely block out my mother and focus on Jake and his visitor. This time Jake's visitor was once again another person than the last two times, a girl probably around my age with silky smooth blue hair. She had almost the same height as the the girl from before. But she was even shorter.

There were a few things that I immediately noticed once I looked over at the two of them. The first thing that Jake was the one who had clearly the upper hand in their conversation, it almost looked like he was scolding the girl.

The second thing that Jake's visitor was on the verge of breaking out into tears. The third thing that Jake had no idea that the girl was on the verge of tears.

"What do you mean that there is still no date for the birthday party Lex!? How much longer do I have to wait!?" Jake yelled angry at the girl in front of him.

"I'm trying Jake, I really am. I just need a little more time." Lex mumbled back without looking at Jake.

"I...I just need to fix two more things and everything will be ready."

"Well make it happen! It has taken you long enough, I am so done with this shit!" Jake yelled again and at the same time the short girl in front of him bursted out in tears. Both Jake's and my eyes widened at the sight.

"Oh my fucking god, don't make such a big deal out of the fact that I'm scolding you Lex. Why would you start crying about that." Jake sighed with an angry tone lacing his voice.

"I...I am not crying about that." Lex sobbed back at the angry guy in front of her.

"Then why are you crying for God's sake!?" Jake barked, clearly being more than done with the whole situation at hand. I didn't know what it was that made Jake that upset and angry but it clearly wasn't a birthday party they were talking about.

"The guard... He touched me before I came in here. He was checking my pockets for any goods that I couldn't bring in here and that fucker... He touched me." Lex now full on cried. My eyes widened even further while Jake's hand bawled up into tight fists.

"Which one?" Jake asked dangerously low at the girl that had now placed her hands over her eyes to hide her face from the other people in the room.

"The one that's next to the door." Lex whispered back and before anyone could register what was happening Jake had marched over to the man with his fists clenched against his legs.

"Sit down Dalton! Visiting time isn't over." The guard ordered without looking properly at Jake.

"I'm highly aware of that fact. I came here just to give you something. Next time think about who's visitor you sexually assaulting before you do it, let this be a warning." Jake casually said and within the blink of an eye his fist collided with the guard's right eye. Immediately followed by Jake's other fist that collided with the man's left jaw. He gave the guard two more punches to his ribcage and his stomach before three other guards came crashing inside the room and grabbed Jake, bringing him to the ground beneath them.

"You're gonna die for this Dalton!" The guard who had just been punched yelled while he slowly walked outside the room with his hand against his sore jaw.

"Gladly, don't you ever dare touch my friend again. Let this be a warning, this is nothing compared to what I can do!" Jake yelled back at him with more venom lacing his voice than I had ever heard. Jake got dragged away immediately after that and I didn't see him back until after visiting time.

The girl, I now knew as Lex, had left almost at the same moment. Tears had still streamed rapidly down her cheeks and with a quick few passes she had left the room. Ten minutes later I could finally say goodbye to my mother and I had almost run to our cell to see if Jake was alright.

Jake wasn't quite alright, but he didn't look too bad either. It was clear that he had been punished for his action back at the visiting room, but looking from the smile that was still plastered on his face it wasn't something he couldn't handle. There weren't any visible bruises and his body seemed to move fine. A soft sigh had left my mouth upon the sight in front of me and without giving it much thought I had placed myself down next to Jake on his mattress.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, it was nothing compared to normal. I'm still angry though. I get punished while their idiot of a colleague touched my friend in a sexual way. I will fucking murder him!" Jake spat out, spit literally flying from his mouth while he said it.

"Your friend left pretty upset, maybe you should give her a call on thursday." I offered, not being able to remove the image of the crying girl from my memory.

"Yeah, maybe-" Jake never got to finish his sentence. One of the guards suddenly appeared outside our cell, giving the bars a harsh ruffle.

"Dalton! Here, now! I've got someone on call for you, they say it's urgent!" The man barked at the two of us in the cell while he held out a mobile phone. I slowly lifted my eyebrow. Normally we weren't allowed to use cellphones but I guessed that this must be another one of those privileges that friend of Jake bought for him.

.

Jake focus.

.

I got up from my bed and walked over to the guard, grabbing the mobile from his hand and bringing it to my ear.

"Dalton." I said lowly.

"Listen you fucker, if you make my girlfriend cry one more time I will personally murder you! I get that you wanna get out of there, but you're going way too far now bro!" I heard Kaden's voice and rolled my eyes in irritation.

"I didn't make her cry you idiot!" I yelled back.

"You fucking did! Lex came home crying and-" He started again but I was quick to interrupt him.

"Your freaking girlfriend got sexually harassed by one of the guards here. I punched that idiot for what he did to Lex and got dragged away. I'd rather save your stupid girlfriend than make her cry. Make sure you get the full story next time before you jump to your own idiotic conclusions!" I barked back with an angry tone lacing my voice.

"I...What?" Kaden now softly whispered and a deep sigh left my mouth.

"You heard me, didn't you. Make sure you get her to work faster because I'm pretty done with this place and comfort her you fucker instead of calling me up being all angry and throwing around false accusations." I answered, slightly calming down.

"Sorry. Hang in there bro, just a little bit longer." He answered followed by the familiar click of him hanging up the phone. With a soft sigh I dropped the phone from my ear and gave it back to the guard.

"I freaking hate this place." I grumbled softly and let myself fall back down on the mattress next to Mc. She could only agree with that statement.

~

.

Mc focus.

.

"This is your last warning Dalton, do the routine or face the consequences!" I flinched slightly at the loud yelling coming from the guard that was right in front of me and Jake. Last night's events had changed something in Jake, something bad. It had been weeks since he disobeyed the rules at the prison.

It had been weeks since I had to make use of my blankets to make a makeshift cooling mechanism for Jake's bruises. It had been weeks since I saw the lifeless and arrogant look in Jake's eyes. It had been weeks since Jake lay with his back turned to me when we slept in the same bed.

The last few weeks had been going pretty smoothly for both me and Jake. Jake somewhat obeyed the rules and for weeks we hadn't been the centre of commotion if there was something happening. Jake's body had been getting stronger and there wasn't a single bruise left on his honey coloured skin. The healthier he got the prettier he looked in my eyes and it had been on more than one occasion that I hadn't been able to rip my eyes from the guy's bare back.

At night we always laid with our faces looking at each other. Jake most of the nights falling asleep before I did, giving me unlimited time to scan over the relaxed features of Jake's face before I would fall asleep myself.

Last night was nothing like that. Jake had almost instantly turned his back to me with a soft 'night' leaving his mouth. His muscles had stayed tense unlike any other night and a scary vibe emerged from the male's body.

The moment the guard had woken us up and ordered us to do our usual morning routine things started to get down hill even faster. Jake kept laying with his back turned to me, ignoring the guard completely. It had taken three rough shakes of my hand on his shoulder to get him up with an irritated huff.

Jake had left the cell without sparing a look at me, hanging against the bars with his arms folded. With soft steps I had followed him outside and just by looking at Jake, I had already known what was gonna happen next. Jake looked exactly like he did the first few weeks I had come inside the prison and it scared me more than anything.

I liked the version of Jake that he was lately, sure he still had a short temper and radiate some form of aggression and angryness but there were sweet and peaceful moments too. Moments that hadn't been there when I had first entered the prison, moments I didn't wanna loose. Jake had become somewhat of a friend to me and made the fact that I had to stay at this hellhole a little bit more bearable, something I wasn't ready to lose so soon.

I snapped back to reality when I heard the first blow hit Jake right next to me. My eyes widened and before I could fully register what was happening Jake had been dragged out into the open and two other guards made their way over to the struggling male.

Within twenty seconds all three guards where hitting Jake like he was some kind of rag doll. The first few hits looked like they did nothing to my cellmate, but the more hits that followed the more Jake crawled himself up into a ball to somewhat lessen the impact of the hits.

The moment Jake fell down on his hands and knees heavy laughter sounded through the room and with one last hit they left him alone, giving him a warning that next time they wouldn't stop at that point and go a little further if he touched one of their friends ever again. Not a sound had left Jake's mouth the whole time and the only thing I could do was watch the whole act in fear of the health of my friend.

"Estrada! Help him up and go to the breakfast room. If I were you I would make sure he starts behaving like he did before or the consequences will be much worse next time." The guard whisper yelled at me and gave me a soft nod allowing me to leave my position and go to Jake.

With a few quick steps I ran over to Jake and dropped myself on my knees next to the wounded male. I softly placed a hand on Jake's shoulder, only for it to be shrugged off by my cellmate immediately.

"Jake, please. You need help." I tried to lock eyes with him, but Jake refused to look my way. With a soft sigh I placed my arm over Jake's back and forced one of his arms over my shoulders.

"I know that you don't want this, but you're in no position to deny me or get up yourself so please let me help you." I started to get up slowly, soft grunts leaving Jake's mouth occasionally.

"Can you walk?" Worry laced my voice and I gave him a concerned look. Jake's eyes where barely open and his body hung heavy against my one.

"I could try to carry you-"

"No!" Jake whisper yelled at me while he tried to unwrap himself from me.

"Stop it! You are in no world able to walk by yourself right now. I get it that you don't like this at all, but we have no other options. So either start walking or let me try to carry you!" Anger voiced through my voice.

I was done with Jake's bratty attitude and the fact that the male thought that he could do everything by himself while he clearly was in no position to do so at the moment. We locked eyes for a short moment before I slowly started to walk with a beaten Jake on my side.

Slowly we made our way over to the breakfast room, soft grunts leaving Jake's mouth whenever I would walk too fast or bend his body in certain angles. We made our way over to our usual table and with a soft tud I sat him down on the bench.

"Lie against the wall so your muscles can relax a little, I will get breakfast for the both of us." I ordered and I left Jake to do as I said.

When I came back I was glad to see that Jake had followed my orders and indeed lay his back against the wall to lessen the tension on his muscles a little. I placed the plate down in front of him and offered Jake a piece of bread with egg. He watched me through hooded eyes and slowly grabbed the piece from my hand.

"I know you don't wanna hear it but you need to rely on me for the rest of the day Jake. Just do what I tell you or your body will be even worse by tonight. Don't fight me on this, please. I just wanna help you, I hate seeing you like this." I whispered without looking at Jake.

He never gave me an answer but by the actions that followed the rest of the day I understood that Jake was indeed doing what I had asked of him. I had placed Jake against our counter at the washing room, ordering him to touch nothing and let me do all the work.

Whenever I had the chance I sat Jake down on one of the baskets to release his legs from the constant weight of his body. I was quick to learn the walking route of the guards and a few hours later I could blindly tell Jake when he was being able to sit down and when he needed to stand up and look busy.

A small smirk had formed on Jake's mouth at seeing me pick up on these skills so easily. After watching me and seeing if I indeed got the walking routes right for him, he followed the orders that I barked under my breath without any problems. It had been right before lunch break that I had ordered him to get up and follow me to the toilets.

I kept looking at him with worry and once we reached the stalls I pushed Jake inside one of them, following him instantly after checking if nobody had followed us.

"Sit." I ordered once again and pointed a finger at the toilet seat. "I need to see how bad the bruises are."

I helped Jake to sit down on the toilet and slowly started to lift his shirt. My eyes immediately grew wide when I saw the already black and blue bruises being formed on Jake's body. Fuck. I softly placed a finger against one of the bruises and Jake immediately flinched away from my touch with an angry grumble leaving his mouth.

My eyes darted over Jake's body and there was literally almost no normal skin visible. His whole torso was covered in nasty black and blue bruises and when there weren't any bruises the skin had turned an angry red colour.

There was no way I was being able to cool the bruises properly right now and by the looks of it the bruises where going to need a lot more caring than just some cooling with a blanket. The only problem with that was that I literally had no other options in our small shared cell once we got back.

I gave Jake his shirt back and helped the male to get it on properly. Again some groans of discomfort left his mouth and I helped him to get back to the breakfast room that now served purpose as lunch room. I repeated the same routine I did this morning and not even two minutes later I was offering Jake little pieces of food while I was thinking of a plan how to help him.

~

I kept looking out for Jake like my life depended on it. The male grew more and more tired as the day passed on and by the end of it he was barely able to stand on his own feet. I almost dragged Jake inside our shared cell and carefully placed him on his matress.

A deep sigh left Jake's mouth the moment he felt his back hit the mattress and heavy breaths immediately took over his body. I climbed a little up towards my own bed and grabbed my blanket and pillow from it in a forceful manner. Without a second thought I drenched the blanket into the toilet once again.

With a dripping blanket in my right hand and a pillow in my left hand I made my way over to Jake. I softly placed my hand under Jake's head and lifted him up a little to place the second pillow under his head to make him sit up more.

"I'm gonna lift your shirt and try to cool the bruises a little. Please tell me if I hurt you too much Jake." I whispered and lifted up his shirt.

I softly placed my fingers on the biggest bruise on his ribcage. The bruise had a nasty blue almost black colour and the skin around it had turned an angry red colour. The bruise was almost as big as the palm of my hand and everytime I added the slightest pressure on it Jake would flinch involuntarily.

Small tears started to form in my eyes and my vision fell from Jake's bruised torso on his face that only displayed discomfort. Jake's eyes were tightly shut, heavy breaths left his mouth in little puffs, a deep frown was visible on his forehead and his skin had almost taken on the colour of white sugar.

He looked terrible and the only thing I wanted to do was to help him but I had no idea how. I wasn't a wizard who could remove the bruises with a flick of my wrist and for all the methods I did know to help Jake I needed supplies I didn't have right now.

With a soft sigh I placed the cold blanket against his bruise. Jake immediately flinched at the touch and a harsh grumble of discomfort left his mouth.

"I'm sorry Jake, I don't know what to do to make the pain go away." A single tear started to drip down my cheek.

I felt so helpless, so useless. Jake needed me and I had no idea what to do. I lifted the blanket again and placed it down on another bruise that was a little lower than the huge one on Jake's ribcage. This one was a little smaller but looked almost as nasty as the last one despite the size difference.

I kept replacing my blanket every few minutes, sometimes dumping it in the toilet again to make it cooler between session, but nothing seemed to help. Jake kept grumbling in discomfort everytime I placed or removed the blanket from his body and his face kept showing the same discomfort it had when I started the whole process.

I was about to replace the blanket for the probably twentieth time when I heard the familiar sound of a baton against cell bars ring through the hallway.

"Everybody up! Check ups before bed time!" The guard yelled around the hallway.

My eyes widened and darted around our cell. There was no way I was being able to fix my own bed and get Jake up to the front of our cell in the little time I had. Without giving it a second thought I threw my soaked blanket on my top bed. I pulled Jake's shirt down and started to get him up.

"Jake, please. You have to help me a little. They will give you another round of beatings if we aren't at the front within two minutes." I said desperately, almost crying while I hoisted Jake up with all my might.

I felt how Jake placed his feet on the ground beneath him and somewhat tried to stand on his own. His eyes slowly opened a little and the anger that radiated from them made me do a double take. Even now Jake still hadn't lost his fierce spirit. I slung his arm over my shoulders and with all my strength I was able to get him to the front of our cell just in time.

The guard that stood in front of our cell opened the door and ordered us to get out to follow the usual routine. Both of us walked out of the cell, but there was no way Jake was gonna be able to stand on his own while carrying out the routine.

He needed my support to stand and without it he would without a doubt fall face first against the pavement. I heard how the guard started to rummage through our cell and in a quick decision I placed Jake against the bars of our cell.

"Lean against my shoulder, you need to stand for a few minutes." I ordered him while I slowly placed Jake's arms in front of me. His head hung already low. I placed my own hands in front of me and I felt how Jake's weight kept getting heavier against me with the seconds that passed.

His body started trembling slightly and his knees looked like they were ready to give out at any moment. The guard walked out of our cell and gave both of us a quick look, a small smirk forming on his face.

"Estrada, step away from Dalton for a second please." The guard laughed while he slowly walked up to us.

I gave the guard a bewildered look, but refused to step away from Jake. If I would step away, he would fall down to the ground and would receive another beating. A beating I was sure Jake wasn't gonna be able to handle.

"Estrada, move!" The guard now yelled at me, but I held my ground.

Before I could fully process what was happening the baton had collided with my ribcage and I was sinking down on my knees slowly. A souring pain ripped through my body and a soft cry left my lips. Jake's weight left my body and stars started to form in my vision.

"Last warning Dalton!" The guard yelled and I slowly turned my head to their side.

Jake was struggling to stay up right and the guard was looking at him with a soft smirk on his lips. I placed my hand on the place the guard had just hit and another wave of pain immediately ripped through my body. If I felt like this I didn't even wanna know how Jake felt right now.

I hadn't been able to manage one hit making me question how Jake was being able to manage so many of them without showing any discomfort. My eyes traveled back to Jake, just in time to see how his legs decided to give out on him while the guard who had clearly been waiting for this moment readied his baton.

Jake sunk down on his knees, immediately followed by the first blow from the guard's baton to his upper arm. I could only watch in fear while Jake received another hit and another and another and... Jake's body fell lifelessly to the ground in front of me.

It didn't matter anymore how strong the male was mentally, his body wasn't able to receive anymore hits and shut down on him. Heavy laughs ripped from the guard's throat and small tears started to fall down my cheeks.

"Pathetic."

Was the only word that left the guard's mouth while he gave Jake one last kick against his arm. The male still didn't move and the tears kept streaming down my face.

"Let this be a warning Estrada. Obey the rules or there follows way more than that one hit you just received. Now get back in there!" The guard yelled at me and with a harsh grab around my upper arm I got thrown back inside our cell.

Jake's lifeless body followed shortly after and without sparing the two of us another glance the guard locked the door and walked away. I immediately crawled over to Jake and rolled him on his side to make sure he wouldn't swallow his own tongue and die right on the spot.

"Jake, please wake up." I sobbed while I pushed Jake's hair out of his face. "J-Jake... Please." I looked around myself trying to find something that could help me with the situation at hand but nothing seemed good enough or even useful. There had to be something that could help...

As if on cue my eyes fell on Jake's mattress. I couldn't lift Jake up on the mattress but I could bring the mattress to Jake and roll him on it. With a soft grumble of pain I stood up from the floor. My side was hurting like crazy but that was the last thing I could think about right now.

Jake needed me and I would help him, even if it was the last thing I would ever do in my life. With another painful grumble I dragged the mattress from Jake's bed and placed it beside the male. I knelt down on my knees and softly rolled Jake on his other side so he would be placed on the mattress instead of the cold hard floor.

I slowly lifted Jake's shirt to see more and more black bruises surrounding his torso. With a little struggle I managed to undress his upper body and walked back over to my own bed. The wet blanket was still there. I grabbed the blanket and dumped it once again inside the toilet. With a soaked blanket in my hand I dropped back down on my knees next to Jake's torso.

The pain in my own side kept growing stronger but I ignored it as best as I could. My pain wasn't important right now, Jake was. I wiped my hand over my cheeks to get rid of most of the tears and started to cool Jake's bruises like I had been doing before the guard came and decided to make my task even more difficult.

Seconds felt like minutes and with each one passing and Jake not waking up I grew more and more concerned.

"Jake, please. You need to wake up." I whispered while I pushed Jake's bangs out of his eyes again. I placed my blanket on Jake's back and as if my prayers had been heard a soft grumble left Jake's mouth.

"Thank god, you're alive. Lay still your body suffered a lot of injury."

Another grumble left Jake's mouth and he slowly opened his eyes. My eyes instantly locked with his and a soft smile fell on my face while one single tear trickled down my cheek.

"Why...the...f-fuck...d-did...you...take...that...hit..." Jake grumbled out almost inaudible but clearly angry at me.

"Because I had no choice. If I had stepped away from you, you would have gone face first to the floor. I couldn't let that happen Jake." I answered simply while I repositioned the blanket, followed by a grumble of discomfort coming from the male. He looked through hooded eyes at me but never gave me another response.

"Do you think that you can get up with my help? I'm gonna put my mattress on your bed but I'm not strong enough to get you on it by myself."

Jake gave me a small nod, making me smile brightly. I threw my wet blanket in a corner of our cell and not even two minutes later my own mattress was placed on Jake's bed. After a pretty big struggle I managed to get him on the bed. I pushed the now wet mattress back on my own bed and grabbed the still dry blanket from the floor.

With the blanket placed tightly in my hand I walked back over to Jake. He was already watching me and a small smile fell on his face. I draped the blanket over his sore body and placed myself as soft as possible next to him.

"You know Mc...You would have made a damn good nurse if it wasn't for the fact that you're in here with me." Jake's eyes closed slowly and a few seconds later heavy breaths left his body. I could only hope that someone else would tell me that too, under different circumstances.

[infiniteseriesofhalfways]

Thank you @jonsaremembers for the tag! I don't know who to tag that might want to do this, so if you want to and you haven't been tagged, consider this me tagging you!

Gonna preface and say that I'm an audiobook person through and through, so most of these I probably listened to in the last couple of years.

Last book I read: I listened to the audiobook for Funny Story by Emily Henry, and like most of her books I had a great time and also cried a couple times.

A book I recommend: Lot by Bryan Washington. It's heavy in a lot of ways, but I'm a big fan of his writing style and the way he skips around between different perspectives and pieces of a community narrative. Aja's storyline in particular has lived in my head since the moment I read it.

Book I couldn't put down: The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna. I loved this book so so much. It was fun, and sweet, and (to me) a perfect example of magical realism. I am not a fantasy/magic person really, (although I've been trying to branch out in the last year or so) but this was Magic for people who don't read Magic. It was so wonderful and now that I'm thinking about it again, it's probably going to be my next reread.

Book I've read twice: The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers. I'm kind of cheating because this is also very much a recommendation, but I've read it twice so it goes here. Again, I'm not big into sci-fi books, but the Wayfarers series? I'm so in love. Even if you're not a sci-fi person, I would give it a shot because I think she explains everything in such a way that it's easy to get into.

A book on my TBR: The Canopy Keepers by Veronica G Henry. I got it when I was determined to make myself like fantasy and I thought it sounded fascinating, and now whenever I open my kindle library I see it and tell myself I'm going to start it. And then I find another romance and say next time. Maybe this will actually get me to sit down and Read It.

A book I have put down: Less by Andrew Sean Greer. I'm sorry. I've tried so many times. I get a hundred pages in and I just do not care. The premise is so up my alley and on paper I should love it, but I don't. I still have it so maybe one day the stars will align and I'll actually get through it, but man. Not any time soon.

A book on my wish list: Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt. I listened to the audiobook about a year ago, and ever since I've wanted to get a physical copy to reread. The way she wrote about grief has stuck with me for so long, partly for what I was going through at the time.

A favorite book from childhood: The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I know I was in elementary school, and I remember checking it out of the library multiple times, in multiple grades, and from the public library over summer. I was always searching for the feeling it gave me, but nothing measured up except the book itself.

A book I would give a friend: Wrong Place Wrong Time by Gillian McAllister. I actually gave a copy to my sister last Christmas. It's such an interesting concept for a story, and I got soooo invested I knew she would too.

A book poetry or lyrics I own: Lazarus Rises (amongst Other Things) by Berklie Novak-Stolz ( @icaruspendragon here on tumblr) I truly do no have adequate words to describe my experience reading their poetry. I've never read anything that so accurately describes my own grief.

A non-fiction book I own: Because Internet by Gretchen McCulloch. I am fascinated by linguistics and also the internet in general. I've started this a few times but I have to be in the right mindset for non fiction, but I really think once I Sit Down And Read It I will love it.

Currently reading: I'm almost done with the audiobook for How to End a Love Story by Yulin Kuang. I don't know what I expected going in, but I've really enjoyed it thus far.

Planning on reading next: I just went through my TBR to find what speaks to me most, and I think I'm gonna listen to Blacktop Wasteland by S.A. Cosby. I've read two other books of his (Razorblade Tears & My Darkest Prayer) both of which I really enjoyed, so I should be into this as well.