#i do not have the brain powers to meta anymore

[forgloryforhonor]

throwing toyako - takasugi x gintoki x shimura

lesson 574 gintoki -> takasugi -> save shinpachi

lesson 701 takasugi -> otae -> gintoki

they even did that one-eyed thing

it came full circle

[weirdo-from-bonesborough]

combining my immortal jason headcanon* with the immortal duke (implied) canoncanon where the rest of the family grows old and dies and these two watch the generations rise and fall remaining unchanged. and duke is like ugh i can't believe i have to deal with this asshole forever and ever and jason's like OF COURSE i'm stuck with the guy who's just as uptight as bruce. (they don't have to interact but they still do.) (because they're still brothers. because they're the only ones who understand.) (they gossip about the newbies. and then the newbies' newbies.) (they gossip about how this batgirl is worst than tim and that robin is almost as sharp as babs and oh steph would just eat that nightwing up.) (now they know how alfred felt. how it feels to be outgrown.) (god if bruce could see how his vision has grown.) (how come the daytime protector survives but the dark knight is dead.) (why do we have to watch other people wear their skins.) (you think they'd be happy. do you think they'd approve.) (i've stalked crime alley so so long and i can hardly recognize her anymore.) (it's so much brighter.) (did we succeed.) (is this what we were fighting for.) (then why do we still go out.) (we're the only ones who have no legacy.) (we've stalked these streets so long they forget we weren't always here.) (will we ever have to be replaced.) (they take us for granted.) (we took them for granted.) (i miss them.) (i wonder if they miss us too.)

[brucewaynehater101]

Give Tim task masters power 2024

Alright! Looked up Taskmaster, the Marvel character.

I like Tim being hard working and putting in so much effort to accomplish what his predecessors did.

On the other hand, this is a very interesting concept to consider. Let's use wiki's info on him:

Taskmaster has the ability to perfectly duplicate almost any physical ability he's seen once. However, he can't copy their abilities, physical stats, or even the reasoning behind the actions. He also loses personal memories the more he copies other people (after reaching the initial threshold).

So Tim could rarely utilize this power, especially in the beginning, because he needs all the muscles first. When he's training as Robin, it takes him a long ass time cause he doesn't quite understand how to do complicated moves without copying them. He also doesn't want to cue Bruce into the fact that he's a meta (is it a meta power?)

Tim, during his Robin career, ends up copying people a few times. Never something obvious and only when necessary. He ends up doing this a few times that, after his mom dies, he ends up realizing that he's forgotten important information about his mom. This is terrifying to Tim due to his reliance on his brain (he can't trust it if it forgets shit).

So he starts to take copious notes on everything he knows and backs it up on a server only he would know how to get into and maybe a few trusted friends (like Bart, Kon, or Cassie). Duke isn't around, and Tim still isn't sure of his place on the team. So, Tim doesn't trust the Bats with his meta status. He believes it would get him kicked off the team.

During the BruceQuest, Tim ends up having to copy a lot of abilities in order to stay alive. He writes important information in his code on his body, so he remembers to keep looking for Bruce. Tim barely knows why he's doing what he's doing anymore, but he knows it's important. That's the only reason he'd be willing to give up so much of his mind. In the end, Tim sends off the information he gathers to the JL. Bruce gets rescued.

Now. This can go several ways.

Does Ra's fuck with Tim's writings on his body to manipulate Tim?

Does Tim escape but not return to Gotham due to his memory issues?

Do Kon, Bart, and Cassie (when the first two return back from the dead) hunt Tim down and shove him in front of his memory protocol?

Does Raven end up erasing a bunch of the abilities from Tim's mind so Tim can gain back his memories?

[codenamesazanka]

being a hopeless spinaraki, but also not just spinaraki, because this applies to all of the League and Villains in general—

Is it possible to dig deeper into Shigaraki's "If Spinner is still alive" and its meaning/implications and like. cry over it?

If Spinner is still alive = We went into fight knowing we might not make it out alive. (Heroes get total victory. The Villains don't count as part of that.)

If Spinner is still alive = AFO gave him those extra quirks and I, while possessed, wasn't able to stop it. Maybe I wouldn't have stopped it, because Spinner chose it. It might have been the quirks which killed him.

If Spinner is still alive = But it's also entirely possible Heroes could've killed him. Spinner is just a weakling with a useless quirk and some swords, but still, maybe he's dead because Heroes killed him. Heroes killed Twice. Heroes have repeatedly tried to kill me; cannot save me from this death. Toga went into battle thinking it was life or death. Heroes kill, and we Villains all know this.

If Spinner is still alive = I wanted him to see my horizon, because he was looking forward to it. I wanted to be a Hero for the League. Now, I can't do that anymore. Because of that, tell him this, for me.

If Spinner is still alive = Maybe he lived. Out of everyone in the league, Spinner lives because he's weak, he's ignorable. He was only following me. He didn't have a death wish, his power is something Heroes could manage. He wouldn't be considered too dangerous to live.

If Spinner is still alive = Because I know that he might not be. Because I don't trust Heroes have to saved any of us, whether from AFO machinations, or from ourselves, or from the ravages of battle.

'If' implies uncertainty. There's significant meaning in that - that Shigaraki knows Heroes there's a good chance cannot/would not/did not want to save them. And the fact that it's Spinner who gets an 'if' - Spinner, weakest one in the League. How hard is it to stop Spinner? Even with the extra quirks. Maybe especially with the extra quirks - he'd be disoriented, unintelligible, clearly not doing well. He was assigned the task of invading a hospital and retrieving Kurogiri with 15,000 rioters, the relatively least dangerous task out of all other Villains. That's basically zero trust in Heroes to have stopped Spinner in a way that didn't kill him, to have helped him from his melting brain.

Like, Shigaraki has seen the aftermath of his own 'saving'. Deku might have had some intention to save him, but not enough to actually succeed preventing his death. If that was ever the goal. Maybe all that mattered was just ghost of The Crying Child.

If any of the League lives, it's luck. It's mercy.

One might argue, it's because rhe League was so dangerous, and they made the choices that got themselves killed.

But meta-wise, we had that whole Ending arc about Heroes Don't Kill or whatever; we kept getting hit over the head with 'Heroes Save People'; the narrative dangled in front of us 'Heroes Will Save The League'. During the war, background Heroes made gestures of pulling captured Villains away from fire, of capturing them alive.

Then again, Twice was killed and that's probably the escape clause - if the League became dangerous enough, saving them can stop being the goal, despite the narrative supposedly having made it its goal.

Heroes fought the Villains and Shigaraki knew was there was no guarantee Heroes would save them or keep them alive. Despite being Heroes. Because they're Villains, they're unforgivable, they got too broken, they don't get that promise of being saved. Never had - not from abusive homes, not from societal apathy, not from the cruelty of conformity, not from their 'one bad day'; never will.

It reminds me of when Toga sought out Ochako. Twice was killed, and Toga desperately wanted to know, if she ever needed it, if it came down to it, Heroes would save her. Heroes would treat her like a person who deserves being saved, because she's a human being and should be afforded at least that. The League already knew Heroes would not save them. But Toga kept hope. She wanted to believe that Heroes wouldn't put her down like a mad dog. She was disappointed. She gave up hope. Ochako rekindled that hope, but just Ochako. And then the narrative seemed to have refused Toga getting saved anyways.

(Unless, of course, being saved is only about the heart being saved. Then yeah, I guess they can just die.)

[canonizzyhours]

One thing I do find fascinating, is that everyone who watches ofmd for the first time has the opportunity to interpret the show however they see fit. And while everyone is different, and will connect with different characters for different reasons. There are certain aspects that, once you decide to delve deeper, have to be viewed in either good faith or bad.

When I first watched the show, I didn't really have many opinions of it, other than the normal kinda baseline interpretations. Of course I loved it, which is why I'm here now, but I'd not considered any of what was shown, further than the surface level.

I maybe had a unique experience, having been able to power through s1 and s2 without pause. But it got me thinking, could I have had the opportunity to join the canyon, had I been subjected to more of it once I entered the fandom space? After all, if it is merely an interpretation that is supported by the text of the show, then it is valid for me to look at both arguments and decide where I see myself fitting no?

The problem with that is, I simply couldn't make my brain comprehend why anyone would come away from the show seeing Izzy as the "special guy", "the main character", "the most interesting in the show" etc. I would have to have gone so far against the text to make myself believe and feel comfortable with those interpretations, that it wouldn't have felt like my thoughts anymore.

Once I started reading meta, I saw takes from both sides. And it just became very noticeable that some people are just good at arguing, using big words or complicating sentences to make you think like you're reading a good analysis whereas really, they're just media illiterate. And once you realise that, reading meta about the actual show becomes a lot more enjoyable.

I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this, I guess I'm just baffled how some people can come away from watching the show and end up in the canyon despite what they're shown in text, and having plenty of excellent meta analysis at their disposal. I didn't have to search hard for good takes, they were just there. In my opinion, it would be harder to avoid them.

#431.

[itsclydebitches]

I'm preparing myself for the personal disappointment of Ted going back home to Kansas (even though I don't believe that's his home anymore) and that Trent will see him off in a ruby slippers shirt, especially since Lance has worn one before and we now know a lot of Trent's shirts are coming from his closet:

But in writing another meta I've been thinking a lot about Ted Lasso's clothing, particularly how it is used to connect with others and showcase growth. Sometimes that attempt is a failure and the growth is a detriment to the character, such as Nate trying to copy Roy's all black suit, and sometimes it's a success and the growth is something to celebrate, like Roy finding a compromise between his and Phoebe's tastes with his dark-colored, tie-die t-shirt. Beyond the issue that I don't want Ted to go back to Kansas at all (not unless the intention is to have him realize that Richmond is his true home now), a Dorothy shirt would fall flat for me because there's no in-universe connection to Ted. We as the audience understand the allusion because we've been picking up on hints since Season 1: Ted makes a quip about not being in Kansas anymore, he holds high scores on a Wizard of Oz pinball machine, he's surrounded by other allusions such as an emotionless man in need of a heart (Roy), a scared lion who rejects being a panda (Rebecca), and the comedic, presumed idiot who does in fact have a brain (Jamie). But all of that exists on an analytical level. In-world, Ted hasn't identified with Dorothy and what few connections there are -- such as that acknowledgement that he feels out of his depth in a new world -- are no longer accurate three seasons later, after a hell of a lot of growth. Unlike the suit and the shirts that exist overtly on screen as a way to say, "These characters are sharing a connection," Trent talking to Ted in a Dorothy shirt would feel too removed from textual!Ted and textual!Trent to have the same impact. This shirt totally sums up his story!... provided you've done the work to interpret all the easily missed hints and ignored the ways in which a Wizard of Oz ending would (imo) be a regression for Ted.

With an acknowledgment that I'm playing with all this through the assumption that Trent's shirt will have something to do with Ted, rather than us just getting an Overtly Queer shirt to show that Trent has fully embraced who he is, I've been hemming and hawing over what I'd give him instead. In some ways, Ted is notable for his lack of distinct fashion. He wears Richmond gear 70% of the time and the rest is plain colored long-sleeved shirts and collared shirts with polos. It's a distinctly Ted look to be sure (passionate and athletic vs. soft, comfortable, and mildly professional while still feeling approachable), but there's less material to work with than, say, Keeley's vibrate, quirky wardrobe; or Rebecca's preference towards outfits that emphasize her power as a kind of shield: wealth, beauty, her height; or -- of course -- Trent's move from buttoned-up journalist to queer bracelet, queer mug, queer style icon t-shirts. I can't think of anything Trent could wear off the top of my head that would a) be within his "vibe" and b) scream "I'M DECLARING MY SUPPORT AND/OR ROMANTIC LOVE FOR TED FUCKING LASSO."

Except, of course, for a "BELIEVE" shirt.

While I love and fully agree with Ted's speech about how belief needs to come from within and, thus, their sign is not actually necessary, a part of me is still disappointed that "BELIEVE" is no longer a visual part of the club. I'd be more willing to accept letting it go if we hadn't seen that Ted himself still relies on those visual reminders. Not only does he choose to put the sign up in the first place rather than simply telling the boys to believe in themselves, but back when Nate was doubting their chances in Ted's apartment, Ted sprints to his bathroom to retrieve one of mini signs he, obviously, keeps on hand and presumably sees every morning, soon as he gets up. It's important to him, not just the message, but the physicality of the reminder itself, so I've been expecting/hoping for the message to return in a new form by the end of the season.

Granted, that little moment was a while ago and it's possible that the writers didn't realize the implications it would have when Ted later ripped up the sign. However, another reason why I don't think my expectation is completely hopeless is because of the Season 3 promo, wherein all the Richmond family make their own BELIEVE signs. Forgetting a small gag back in Season 1 or 2 is understandable, but the promotion for the latest season? Why in the world would our advertising emphasize -- and celebrate! -- all the characters creating signs of their own if the message was meant to be, "Let the sign go. It's no longer needed"?

We didn't get this scene in the show proper, but it still speaks volumes that they filmed a moment where every character puts their own spin on the BELIEVE sign, using it to highlight their personality. Then, we end with a shot of Ted's touched approval as he talks about feeling seen.

Chronologically, Trent would have been around for all this. There's no need for the team to make their own signs until they realize the original has been torn and, obviously, Trent had become a part of the family by then. He's the one who discovered how the sign was torn in the first place. So if we read the promo as canonical, even if it didn't end up in an episode, why wouldn't Trent have joined in with everyone else? Thing is, he doesn't have a locker to hang a sign on, or even an office to put it in, and given that he's worn the same two bracelets and consistently used the same mug, there's really only one way that Trent shows his personality:

Shirts.

Some of which are notably brightly colored with blocky text referencing American-style learning.

I don't want Trent to walk into the finale with a Dorothy shirt whose importance only exists on a subtexual level and heralds Ted leaving the actual home he's worked to build. I want Trent to strut out in a bright yellow shirt with BELIEVE across the front, announcing to the world that, yes, he believes in the Lasso Way. Give me the implication that he had this made when everyone was personalizing their signs. Give me a fully confident "dork" who's willing to excitedly proclaim his love and support without fear of censor. Give me a BELIEVE reminder that's now tailored to the individual and can be worn or safely tucked away as needed. Give me the possibility (because it's not gonna be canon😭) that Trent is in love with Ted and he's going to display that in the most overt but-not-actually-saying-it way possible.

He sees Ted and he loves what he sees.

Dorothy and her allusion don't exist in the textual show proper and they're definitely not connected to Trent's relationship with Ted. What is though? The very first words Trent said about Ted that weren't an insult, accusation, snide remark, or disbelieving question:

"I can't help but root for him."

What better way to take Trent full circle than to let him literally wear his heart on his sleeve, shouting in bright colors and with a noticeable vibe that yes, he does believe in Ted Lasso.

[ohwolfling]

in the spirit of continuing discussion of narrative, i wanna ask: is there something about gale that you think makes him inherently more suspicious than, say, shadowheart or astarion? is it the fact that he's asking you for artifacts while refusing to tell you why he needs them? i personally find him to be at least as suspicious as shadowheart, who carries around a mysterious thing and actively refuses to tell you anything about herself. but i also played a LOT of ea, and remember when she was, frankly, really mean and evil lol.

When you find Shadowheart and Astarion, they're both in need of aid. Shadowheart has a mysterious device and Astarion has a knife but Shadowheart is fully trapped without your help and Astarion is easily countered when he goes after you. They're both creatures in clear distress, as you are.

Gale is an inherent risk. You aren't just trying to open the squid pod or countering a knife. You are looking at a hand, attached to who or what you don't know, reaching out from unstable, dangerous magic (I talk a bit about this as a metaphor for Gale's entire arc in the bl*w j*b meta lmao). It's not just that aiding him might make a pod attack you or something, it's not that there's an identifiable mysterious artifact or knife. He's a total unknown.

On top of this, you pull Gale out and he doesn't show signs of distress. He's smooth as fuck. I know NOW that Gale is just terrified of showing weakness and defaults to diplomacy but you don't know that then. And then sprinkled into this chatty charisma handsome man from hole is this deeply ominous smoke tattoo (netherese orb scar we now know but again... no way of knowing that first play).

With all of that said, YOUR ILITHID BRAIN WORMS DO NOT LINK. With the other companions there is risk but there is also the equality of 1. being currently feral and 2. the worm tango. Gale inadvertently makes himself seem like he's more powerful than anyone else because he's so busy trying to not show that he is considerably weakened from the orb.

And to me personally it was very clear that Gale was trying VERY HARD and I had no reason to view that purely as a coping mechanism and some of Gale's genuine character traits.

This is all so specific because Larian wanted it to be. He's so many red flags before he's like, "by the way, I have to absorb magical relics and I can't tell you why, just trust me. We've traveled together a day and a half, we're friends right?"

It's why the moment he kneels is such a big deal. I think Gale knows he can't play strong anymore. It's not enough to tell you the truth. The scales are seemingly uneven right now. He drops to his knees and he shows you finally.

And the game itself, via Narrator, says, "you realize Gale is letting you in."

Gale is incredibly guarded and not at all forthcoming until that moment. And it's GOOD.

[meriwetherwrites]

some meta on the depiction of trauma in TV and fanfic

Taking a break from writing to do a little musing. The effects of trauma are a running theme in my fic.  You’ll see it in just about everything I write about Tim Gutterson, but it creeps in when I’m writing Kirk, Bashir, Chakotay, Loretta McCready, and even Alex Krycek too, when I can justify it.  I am not a trained psychologist by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s something I’ve studied to a certain extent and something that I think some TV shows really fail to explore adequately when they decide to give a character a particularly traumatic background.

It’s a trope, at this point, for a law enforcement character to have had an abusive childhood and/or military career. That’s unsurprising, because it lets the TV show’s writers get away with having the characters do pretty outrageous things sometimes and then blame it on that backstory, and by the time it happens, often we’re rooting for it (consider in Justified when Raylan shoots his abusive father in the leg—if you didn’t cheer, you probably at least thought about it).

Traumatic experiences fundamentally alter people’s brains, and people find a whole lot of healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with it.  There’s a lot of research showing that trauma in childhood has particularly powerful effects—the ACE (adverse childhood experience) score is one way of measuring the effects of certain types of trauma, though as this article notes, it doesn’t account for many other types of trauma or instability.  Dissociation, hyperarousal, and hypervigilance are very common results of certain kinds of trauma (one reason that it’s so sad in Harry Potter when Mad-Eye Moody is always shouting “Constant vigilance!”) because those are adaptive skills that people have to develop when they’re in chronic traumatic situations, and it’s very hard to let go of them when you don’t need them anymore.

I’m pretty relaxed about the different terminology I use in fic, often because the characters themselves are going to have their own attitudes toward PTSD/however they interpret their own responses to their experiences, which isn't always to call it PTSD or even acknowledge it as anything other than maybe having a drinking problem. But I try to be careful about two things:

(1) not letting people off the hook for being assholes, even when it’s an understandable learned response to trauma they’ve experienced

“Funny,” Loretta says. “Sure seems like you’re out there waitin’ on somebody comin’ out to tell you how it ain’t that bad what you said, don’t you worry about it, like you’re the one been done wrong somehow.” Tim stiffens. “Never said anything like that.” Loretta looks pointedly at his hands and he realizes he’s going through the automatic motions of fixing up his coffee with some whiskey. “Jesus, what do you want, I’m just clearing my head. I got plenty of food in my stomach to soak it up.” Loretta’s expression breaks some, worse than he’s seen it before. “Like I said, neither of you’s my brother or my boyfriend or my daddy, that I oughta trouble about either of you. So you go on ahead and just sit outside, until you got Jimmy twisted up enough, feelin’ bad for how sad you are, that he comes out to make you feel better over everythin’ you said.” Fuck, he feels like she just reached into his guts and twisted them herself. “You ever,” he asks, and his voice is raw. “You ever worry you’ll turn into your old man?” She looks at him awhile. “No,” she says at last. “Maybe you oughta worry about it more.” 

(hooked on being low, chapter 7)

and (2) not giving in to the impulse to have quick fixes/cured by the power of love:

“I’m not gonna just—get better,” Tim tells Raylan, when he breaks away for a breath. “You know that, right? The shit that’s in my head don’t go away.” “I know,” Raylan says, and then, stronger, “I know, Tim.” He slides his fingers into Tim’s newly-shorn hair and kisses him again up against the bathroom wall. Arlo’s old room is just on the other side of the wall, but it’s empty, he reminds himself. Tim emptied it out for him, and now there’s nothing there at all—no monster, no ghost, no remnants. Only the smell of fresh paint. Tim grips at his shoulders, hands still wet, and Christ but Raylan’s wanted this bad since the last time he touched Tim, and the time before that, and the time before that. “I’m not gonna just fall asleep together and wake up cuddling,” Tim says, and his voice gets rougher when Raylan pulls their hips together. “Prob’ly never.”

(other things than smart, chapter 6)

Unless it’s a specific plot point, TV shows tend to smooth over the PTSD that characters would experience as a result of the things that have happened to them.  That’s understandable, because if people in episodic television actually reacted the way that normal humans would to everything that happens to them, it would make adventure television very depressing and not very interesting to watch (Battlestar Galactica walks this line, sometimes).  But fic is a great place to explore that, because a character can have what’s basically a Heroic BSOD or a series of recurring episodes that really does inconvenience everyone and effectively shut down the progression of the other storylines for as long as you need.

My Justified series older and further away is probably the most extreme example of this, since the fulcrum fic (hooked on being low) involves Tim basically having a total breakdown post-series and spending months on leave, mostly drinking and lashing out at people before starting to get his shit together gradually.  (You’ll probably see me discuss the events of this series more in the future, because it’s one of my personal favorites).

[hallowsden]

DC x DP Idea Thing #4

Dual-sided Rebirth AU (Official name pending)

Brain had this idea for over a week (or 2...) now, rent-free, but what if Jazz, Dan, Danny, and Ellie all reincarnated as Harvey Dent's kids? Jazz and Dan are the old set of twins while Danny and Ellie are the younger set. Will all of them remember their past lives? I say majority of it.

This is before Harvey got scarred and became Two-Face and maybe the mother is someone before Gilda Dent? Idk, all I know is that all of them present as Metas despite neither Harvey or their mother had the meta trait (this is a case that Black Canary II falls under from what my research says), Danny and Ellie's powers showing from birth while Dan's and later Jazz's activated after.

Danny and Ellie were thought to be dead when they were born but they proved otherwise. Danny froze a nurse's hand while Ellie went into goop mode a few times. Later Dan and Jazz both set something on fire but for two completely different reasons, severity, and time. At least to say, Harvey here has a handful, especially if he was acting as a single parent here.

Harvey's gonna have a bit of a hard time first as a parent, regardless if this is pre-Two-Face era or not. Man here is (secretly) terrified at the thought of becoming like his father to his kids.

It takes a while but he gets used to the life of fatherhood despite also being busy as hell. The kids help out by behaving (as much as they can anyways), though, Jazz's powers do come in handy.

(She's like SCP-999 essentially here when she notices people are stressed in her proximity, for lack of better words. No one noticed she had powers till it manifested into harmless flames that had calming effects to it when nearby. With her powers + support from her and the rest of her siblings, they managed to delay Two-Face's debut for a while later on. But uh, yeah, her powers are gonna be very helpful for Harvey when Dan, Danny, and Ellie all gain more powers cause OOOOO BOY, blood pressure, am I right?)

Harvey becomes more motivated to get into Law after all his kid's powers were shown so they can be seen/treated as equals and not have Metas outright banned from Gotham especially, even though he keeps his kid's status as "metas" away from public knowledge. It later becomes an open secret though.

As stated earlier, the Two-Face debut is gonna be delayed. Jazz, Dan, Danny, and Ellie are gonna be very protective of their dad (and pa when they officially meet Harv) after the attack. Mother henning children. I feel like Dan's gonna empathize with both of them a lot in a way and have late-night talks with dad and pa about the darker thoughts they all have.

As much as they all tried, though, Two-Face is gonna make an appearance cause this is Gotham.

When Two-Face era begins, Harvey and Harv likely avoid the kids (even if Danny and Ellie are still teens while Jazz and Dan are in Uni) as their way of protecting them from overall villain stuff the two do despite all of them trying to reach out to him and supporting them, hoping they'll get better.

I'm ngl, I feel like Dan and Danny are gonna join the criminal business with their dad and pa (much to their protests) cause someone has to look out for them. Ellie joins in on occasions for chaos and shenanigans (cause yes) and Jazz is glaring at Arkham with so much contempt cause YOU AREN'T HELPING HER DAD AND PA PROPERLY! (As well as the other inmates but STILL- YOU CALL THAT PROPER MEDICAL PRACTICE- Jazz ends up burning at least something whenever anything about Arkham is brought up. Everyone in the family is scared cause her flames normally don't even singe a thing)

Jazz is creating her own practitioner-place therapy thing cause TO HELL WITH ARKHAM!

I... Honestly don't know what I'm writing here anymore. More exhausted then usual. Might add/edit later. Idk. Just- Reincarnation for Fenton Kids, Harvey being Gotham's original Famous Dad before Bruce (which speaking of- he's Uncle Bruce and Dan and Danny don't trust him which confuses Harvey and Harv), and just, angst, fluff, chaos, and shenanigans.

[monstersinthecosmos]

Daddy Kink in Gallows Bird

[read on AO3]

CW: Incest, noncon, TVA stuff !

Okay so. I’m in the middle of writing another meta about Daddy Kink in VC/TVA/B&G so please forgive me if this post or the other winds up being redundant, but in the middle of all the deep thinking I’ve been doing about that topic in canon, I also had some interesting convo in the comments of this fic, so I wanted to park this somewhere as well. I’ll try not to be too repetitive and I’m going to try to keep the convo focused a little more on the fic than on canon (to the best of my ability since they overlap so much!) because I wanted to talk specifically about the train of thought that informed the fic, and just take it with a grain of salt because it does veer into headcanon territory at times when I’m filling in gaps from canon.

Anyway so I brought Daddy Kink/father themes up a few times in this fic, here’s some examples (this might be all of them actually, I forget lol):

During Amadeo’s dream about being raped, that the smell of wine subliminally reminds him of his father, even though he can’t quite put it together.

Matteo commenting that Marius is Amadeo’s father (during sex, and implying that Marius fucks him).

The man at the party towards the end who is thinking about his own son while he eats Amadeo out.

Marius telling the men in the final scene that he and Amadeo are named Ivan and Andrei.

BONUS POINT, less obvious: Marius musing about Rome, the fatherland, and Roman storytelling trying to paint forefathers in a better light.

I admit that on some level this is not that deep lol it was just being horny and indulging in daddy kink, but like I do want my fics to make sense when it comes to meta and I did want it to be plausible with canon.

So off the bat we have to say like, VC vampires exist above social constructs anyway. Marius isn’t someone who’s going to get grossed out by crossing a boundary like this, in the same vein as Louis and Claudia or Lestat and Gabrielle. As vampires they do not exist inside familial structures anymore. So I think this is extremely present in the Venice portions of the books, that there’s this blurry line around father/mentor/maker/lover.

I also think about this part of B&G every day of my life:

And I, with all my power, and all my blandishments, could not replace Amadeo’s father in Amadeo’s mind. Why was I so jealous? Why did this knowledge sting me so much?

BONUS LINE IN NEXT PARAGRAPH: I loved Amadeo as I had loved Pandora.

I WANT TO BE HIS DADDY BUT ALSO HIS DADDY. I WANT HIM TO BE MY CHILD AND ALSO MY WIFE.

There’s just so much going on here!

Anyway so in TVA I think like, not knowing Marius’s POV at that point, Marius is having lots of mood swings, he can be hot and cold, at times sends Amadeo mixed signals. But in B&G when we get the insight, we learn how often he struggled with whether or not to turn Amadeo as he began to love him. (I think also a lot about when he tells Armand at the end of TVA that he sees Armand loves B+S more respectfully than Marius ever loved Armand!!)

And I want to like, balance this against Marius’s inherent selfishness with how he treated Amadeo, how he treated him like a pet or like a project. I don't think (in canon) he saw Amadeo as a full person, and it's why he interrupts Amadeo so much in the fic. Amadeo at this point in canon exists for Marius's own needs.

(Sidenote, when I was working on this fic and kept struggling with like, the POV of a Marius who doesn’t actually see Amadeo as a complete person, I kept using how I feel about my cats as a reference lol. Like I love them to death, I would die for them, but they don’t have a single fucking thought in their brains, they are little babies that I take care of bc they’re cute and I like having them around.)

I talk a lot about how I love Marius because he’s a flawed person; I find his flaws and missteps to be so human and relatable, like I too do my best to be reasonable and kind and patient and yet I do have a petty side. I can hold grudges. I think all of us are capable of acting selfishly.

Because like, his love of Amadeo is conditional, it’s like having a pet. In the book he keeps changing his mind if he should turn Amadeo or let him free to have a real life and we don’t know what his ultimate decision would have been because Harlech forces his hand. The question is: Would he have ever let Amadeo go?

He specifically chooses Amadeo because it’s someone he sees as a blank slate, A FUNERAL SPIRIT, someone on borrowed time. Marius considers Amadeo’s life over already, so this is all bonus for him. There’s never a question of rescuing him out of goodness and returning him to his home. Marius specifically chooses him to groom as a fledgling because he’s lonely, and he doesn't see Amadeo as a human with a potential life anyway.

So in the fic I tried to make this clear, all the times Marius wonders if he can keep Amadeo, even begging Akasha for a clue, and by the end he realizes he has to keep Amadeo because this experience has ruined him. He’s never going to be able to live a normal life now, and Marius knows it*. AS FAR AS THE FIC UNIVERSE GOES, we could ask the same, like, will Marius still turn him in this fic timeline if Harlech doesn’t show up, but I think he would.

*also as an aside, I wrote this fic to be like backwards engineered Devil's Minion, so I bring this theme up a lot in my Armand/Daniel fics, and the entire thesis of The Lotus Eater is that Armand was careless with Daniel and broke him, which is what Marius does to Amadeo.

Anywhoo, back to the daddy stuff.

Like sure yeah it’s just there to be horny because I think Daddy Kink is absolutely present in canon, but Marius is enjoying this game they’re playing, too, even if he’s a little too proper to admit it. He likes taking Amadeo out and getting to protect him. He likes indulging in the kill when Amadeo is fucking wrecked, like it’s a sex act they can share. He likes that their victims think he’s Amadeo’s father. It makes him feel powerful.

And towards the end, when they’re talking about stoicism and whether or not you can simply turn your emotions off, it also leads into whether or not Amadeo can make the choice to remember where he comes from.

Canon doesn’t explicitly say this so this is where fic headcanon comes in, but I wanted to make it that Marius can see into Amadeo’s dreams, and I implied that he knows perfectly well exactly where Amadeo is from. He knows about the monastery, he knows about Andrei’s home life and his parents, he knows their names! So every day that passes in Venice where Marius doesn’t offer this information, or bring him home, is another day he’s chosen to keep Amadeo, and is ultimately selfish.

On the other hand, especially once the fic starts and Amadeo’s memories start coming back to him, Amadeo knows that Marius knows, and he never asks.

This is of course like, dubcon territory of like, SHOULD AMADEO HAVE TO ASK? Is Amadeo’s fragile mental state a clue that he cannot consent or make informed decisions? Is Marius behaving badly by allowing this wounded child to make his own decisions, or as the adult/immortal, even as the mentor/father/lover, should he guide Amadeo to do what’s right? And what exactly is the right decision?

But from the moment Amadeo realizes that Marius knows more about him than he reveals, Amadeo never asks, which means he’s making a decision to stay in Venice. And like, the morally correct thing is not really relevant here when Marius’s moral compass is so far removed from human sensibility, but it also affirms his desire to be wanted. He’s happy that Amadeo wants to stay and wants to be his pupil and his baby boy, so he’s not going to challenge it.

And that’s why he drops the names Ivan and Andrei in the final sex scene, as a climax to all of this. It’s serves both as one final way to challenge Amadeo, to ask if he TRULY doesn’t remember, but also serves to take on the ROLE of Ivan. He wants to be Amadeo’s Daddy. And even though the men in the room are teasing him about how he’s not actually going to sell Amadeo, how Amadeo must be his favorite, how he must be a freak, etc, he still owns Amadeo in this sense, and it allows him another level of release along with Amadeo’s sexual release.

WELL. I hope that makes sense!!! It made sense to me at the time when I was writing it. I love these two dweebs, please talk to me about them any time!

[thenewfuture]

So imo this class trial has two powerful messages behind it. The first one is "Don't torment and bully other people, you never know what their breaking point is." Nico and Ace are the best examples of this. Since the start of the chapter, Ace has tormented Nico non-stop until eventually they couldn't take it anymore and tried to committ murder. Yes they failed but the fact they were pushed to that point should have been a warning on why you shouldn't bully others that harshly.

I'm also so very glad we had a murderer or would-be in this case live past the chapter they tried to do so and deal with the consequences in the next chapter. I wanted this since V3 but the ball keeps being dropped so thank you Despair Time for doing this. Nico has lost a lot of trust with the class for their stunt with Ace and I could see a big theme next chapter being them trying to repair said trust.

And then there's Ace. Nobody respected or cared for him as they all called him stupid, loud, an idiot and saw him as just a angry chihuahua who's all bark and no bite. Well as it turns out, Ace has ears and those words hurt him greatly. He hated being a pushover and was scared of dying like I'm sure most people are. He honestly thought someone was gonna kill him, which is why he had been planning a murder for some time, and when Nico tried to kill them, that was the confirmation they needed to go ahead with the plan.

Think about it. When Nico and Eden got under the hot seat for being the culpirt or their own attempted crimes, there was always someone there to defend them. Who defended Ace? Nobody. Absolutely nobody. Ace's reaction to Levi admitting he didn't care for him was also telling as I think a small part of Ace wanted to believe Levi was looking out for him, only for THAT small bit of hope to be crushed.

But overall the reason both Nico and Ace did what they did this chapter was because they felt backed into a corner and thought nobody was there for them. Humans don't just give up and die, they often fight to the bitter end. And this is why both Nico and Ace sucumbed to the killing game's rules. If the cast was more considerate of others, then this would have never happened.

I don't know who came up with the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" but they are as much of a liar as David, because words can hurt, and in this case, words can be lethal.

But then there's the other message and its a more meta one. And that is not every chapter has to be 4d chess plotting. This is on us as we have consumed so much fanronpas over the years, we expect that the culprit has to have a very complicated reason for doing what they did. As such when a simple class trial comes along like this, we have a bad habit of not accepting it.

And ftr I'm not singling out Bubbles here on their Switch Theory. Others were also coming up with very complicated big brain guesses on why Arei croaked it and at times we forget that not every murder happens because of some deep complex reason. So when one does come along, we have a bad time accepting it. Mondo didn't kill Chihiro for any deep reason, he lost his temper and killed him. Hiyoko walked in on Mikan and was killed. Angie and Tenko are women with decent qualities. None of these are very complex reasons and rather surface level. As such I think we need to learn to not overthink motives and goals and sometimes what you see is what you get.

That's my takeaway with what this class trial has to offer. Do you agree with me on those two messages? Or do you think unironically I'm thinking too deeply?

Yeah I can agree to that.

Everyone is already under stress from being trapped in a killing game, and relentlessly bullying on people is only adding fuel to the fire and putting a giant target on your back. Bullying is bad, has Hiyoko taught you nothing?

My mom always said she would rather be punched or assaulted than to let someone sling insults at her. Physical wounds heal up quick, mental ones not so much...

And I am glad we are getting the "killer still walks among the cast" type deal with Nico. As stated earlier, I would have liked if it both and Nico were here just to deal with it and see what could become of that, but this is fine too. With this Nico can only become a victim or a survivor, and with the show's theme of trusting others I am hoping for the latter part.

And yeah to the second one too, like I said; death is tragic and unfair. Sometimes there isn't a grand reason as to why someone died, they just...did. And it sucks. Especially coming from a writer. Do you know how many times I've planned to kill off when planning out my fangans that just because I have no further use for them? A lot. It just happens. I don't know what else to tell you. ^^;

-Mod

[gaykarstaagforever]

Well! Second DMing session ended with the guy who made me do it, who was going to "help" me, hanging up on me mid-session and texting

So much for "I don't care if you don't know how to do it, I'll walk you through it," I guess.

I was very clear from the outset that I think most ttrpgs, and ALL DnD rules, are arbitrary math nonsense that you need a college course to understand, specifically created by terrible people to force everyone else to put up with their infantile, unintuitive view of the universe. I told him I hate this crap. He manipulated me into trying it anyway. Guess who hasn't changed his mind, and guess who is now throwing a temper-tantrum about it? I TOLD YOU this was a bad idea.

I read the book. The 8 books. It doesn't matter. They're math textbooks written by bad writers and my eyes kept glazing over. I don't understand why any of these rules exist. I'm just forced to memorize formulas. That I don't respect.

There is no space for reputation, or politics, or combat scenario realities, or random accidents and diseases, or genuine surprises, or living in an apathetic, living, breathing world that doesn't give a fuck about your Chosen One status. It is wizards casting fire balls, because the guy doing that hates his mom, and made up a rule set where he can play his weird stupid power fantasies. His weird, stupid, RACIST power fantasies, if this last group's predilections is any indication.

I don't have patience for this. It's arcane and unrealistic and sucks the joy out of everything and it ISN'T FUN.

If you love it, great. I'll get out of your way. But it runs counter to how my brain works and I fucking hate it. I love the idea of using dice to RP events and see what happens. But at some point of complexity you are just obeying someones precious little rule-book so obnoxious math nerds who memorized it can be smug about exploiting loopholes.

Go play a video game for that. That's not a healthy social interaction. That's yet another version of a group of fucked-up people being whiney and dogmatic about random shit they made up, specifically so they can be cool in a world they specifically designed for that purpose. And what the fuck is that? I hate them, and I hate that.

My old mantra was "nerds with math ruin everything." I was always half-joking, but only half. I have zero respect for everything this is, and what people are apparently looking for from it. It is frustrating and boring and limiting and stupid to me. I don't enjoy it. And I don't even want to ever play it again, because I dread being doomed to waste my brain power sorting out weird meta game math shit that doesn't seem to take into account any defensible simulation of actual reality.

I have spent 120+ hours over the last 5 months trying to get into this. Trying to get a handle on why people like it, to figure out the secret I am missing. I have spent stupid amounts of money on stuff, to that end.

And I either lack the 3000 IQ space brain to get it, or I absolutely get it, and I just absolutely hate it. Either way, I've had enough.

I want to do a D6 system that is just "roll against opponent, bigger number wins, DM RPs what that means." That's loose and interesting and feels like real life. The rest can go jump in the river.

"YEAH BUT THAT'S UNFAIR TO PLAYERS!"

The world is unfair to life. You're not 12 anymore. I don't get anything out of playing around in a baby world made for babies. You're just mad because it isn't going to work in your favor the way I'm proposing it.

It's like Tim Cain said about programming RNG. You give them real RNG, everyone gets mad because "it's not fair." Because RNG isn't fair. They don't want RNG, they want to be autocrats of reality, then soothe themselves that they're not in fact cheating assholes by claiming "the numbers worked out in my favor."

When the reality is that the system was specifically designed over 50+ years to give them an advantage. And that isn't RNG. That isn't playing a role. That isn't being a real hero by self-sacrificing and being randomly lucky and muddling through. It's just egotistical self-delusional nothingness.

Like, maybe these kinds of games are STILL niche things for a reason? Maybe the only really popular and profitable entries are video game and movie versions where you don't see the math, BECAUSE you don't see the math? Like I don't think I'm alone in not giving a shit about this byzantine, nerfed crap.

That doesn't make me better. Do whatever you want. But if THAT'S what you're doing, count me the fuck out.

I did my time, and I'm sick of this shit.

[bestworstcase]

Okay, sorry in advance for the consecutive asks (I'm the anon who asked abour Theo and the GoL) it's just it's been ages since I've seen fresh, thoughtful takes on the show in the RWBY FNDM shsjsksksjsj and your metas are scratching a particular corner of my brain lol. My one other question is what would be the state of the world when all is said and done with GoL's ascension and the Ozlem reconciliation? And what would be the fates of characters like Ruby, Summer, Cinder, and the other Maidens?

i enjoy being encouraged to ramble :P

anyway, i think the ending after the climactic resolution is always the most difficult to part of a story to anticipate in anything but the broadest strokes. generally, my thinking here is informed by a few key tenets of my reading of the story so far:

i think the grimm do have souls, and that being grimm is not what's wrong with salem or a problem that must be solved

i do not think any currently dead characters will be brought back to life, but we may see one or more of them return to a new life

i think remnant's cycle of life and death will settle into a form of reincarnation that is like ascension but not the same (transcendence)

i do not think that salem, cinder, or ozma will die by the end of the story, but i am unsure about summer rose

i think that the huntsmen academies are a failed institution that will have no place in the world anymore, but that the identity of a "huntress" or "huntsmen" can be reclaimed and changed into something better

i think the story is building to a positive ending that refutes the idea of "happily ever after;" it will feel like a hopeful new beginning.

specifically on that last point, ozpin's afterward in fairytales of remnant tells us what kind of ending we should expect:

No one is guaranteed a happy ending, but the tales told about Remnant and its people do hold a bittersweet promise: who we are and what we do are important enough to be remembered and shared. We exist. Our existence means something. Stories will survive longer than all of us, but through them, we may continue on. So, rather than “And they lived happily ever after,” I favor a more honest and hopeful closing: And they lived.

in terms of what impact the god of light ascending might have (aside from the obvious of removing the existential threat he poses to remnant), i don't think there will be any. this world—remnant—is not the world he and his brother created, and hasn't been for quite some time. the god of light only mattered at all because ozma believed he did.

(this relates to why i think it will be easy to beat him, in the end. remnant is not his world; he did not create these humans, and he has no real power over them. it matters—i think more than symbolically—that his promised day of judgment needs to begin with humans inviting him to come back to adjudicate.)

so, remnant will change because its people decide to change it. how?

if i am right about the grimm being a kind of people, the story cannot end in their destruction and the huntsmen academies must be reckoned with as an institution of war, not protection. the resolution that i find most likely is that grimm will still present a danger, but with the explicit possibility of peaceful coexistence between humans and grimm. 

the huntsmen academies as they were do not belong in a world where humans, faunus, and grimm can live in harmony. but lasting peace doesn't happen overnight, and as ozma is learning in the aftermath of the great war, it isn't enough to sign a treaty and then sweep every new conflict under the rug. it takes real cooperation and hard work and trust and honesty. 

i think this is what huntsmen and huntresses will become after this war is over: mediators between humans and grimm. the bridge, not the bulwark.

and this is why i don't think salem will die at the end of her story. the grimm need someone who will advocate for them, and humans need guidance in navigating peace with their ancient enemies. salem has already begun to do this in a limited way—she taught cinder and summer how to communicate with grimm. and if i'm right about her historical identification with the faunus, she may have already done this once before, long ago. 

so,

i think salem and ozma will both get what they've always wanted: ozma's curse will be broken and her exile ended, and they can come together again. salem will be more involved in the effort to rebuild and renew, partly to atone for her violent destruction of the old order but mostly because she wants to build a new world. whereas i think ozma will let go and take a step back to focus on his own healing and figuring out what he wants to be and who he really is without the weight of the world on his shoulders.

cinder, i think will end the story at a point where she has found peace with salem and made peace with her past through that reconciliation, and is ready to close this chapter of her life and open a new one. she can't stay in salem's shadow forever; she needs to leave the nest and find herself. my feeling is that cinder's arc will probably have the most open-ended resolution out of the core cast, although i do think that she will keep the arm and (unlike a lot of cinder fans!) i'm not convinced she'll leave to go on a journey. 

her anger is righteous, even though her indiscriminate violence is not, and i don't think cinder will relinquish that anger as part of her villain -> hero arc—because she doesn't need to. instead, she'll find hope and hope will transform her anger into a driving constructive force. in the end, i think cinder will be VERY KEEN to have her say in what the world will be; what makes her evil now becomes what inspires her to be good.

summer… it depends a lot on who summer rose is now, after fourteen years with salem. i've seen the sentiment that if she is alive, she will have to die in the end because her absence and ruby's grief are so central to the story that it would undercut the story's theme for her to be "given back," but i do not agree with that at all. summer being alive now doesn't change the fact of her absence or the pain she left behind—just recontextualizes it. her heroic death is revealed as a profound betrayal. she left to join salem. 

will ruby or yang even want her back, once they know that? can they forgive her? does it matter why she did it? what happens if ruby wants to reconcile with her but yang does not—or vice versa? how does summer feel, as their mother and as their adversary? what about her relationship with cinder, whom she may well have known for longer than she knew her own children?

i think it might go either way, but i err on the side of thinking that summer will live and be on civil terms with her children and teammates but not reintegrated as part of the family. given her experience as a former huntress and salem's general, she might become a teacher or otherwise be a part of establishing peace between grimm and humans. 

ruby, i think, is probably not going to know what to do with herself after they actually somehow did the impossible and saved the world. figuring that out is half of what ruby/oscar is for but i doubt she'll really grasp that there is an "after the war" at all until it hits her. and then what? i think, out of all the characters in this story, she and oscar are the ones who are most likely to just leave for a while. they're the youngest, and they're "special" in ways that multiply the weight on their shoulders (silver-eyed and ozpin's heir). moreover, ruby enjoyed the trip across anima and has expressed a desire to go exploring several times; likewise, oscar wanted to see more of the world than his farm but has so far been prevented from doing so on his own terms.  so i think they might set out on a journey just for the sake of it.

winter, raven, and obviously cinder are the endgame maidens. i am pretty confident about that. 

also, this might be going against the grain—i don't know—but i don't think the maiden cycle is going to change in any significant way. i also don't think ancient magic will "come back" or the maidens will cease to be or anything like that. the idea that the maidens are innately harmful or burdensome is silly; the problem is the dehumanizing system ozpin built to control the maidens, and that will be dismantled. then they can just… exist for themselves.

i think weiss is going to return to solitas and rebuild mantle—not atlas, mantle. obviously not by herself, but she is taking the loss of her home very hard and her guiding motivation has always been a determination to define herself apart from her father and redeem her family's name and legacy. math.

similarly, it seems pretty open and shut that the bees will get what they wanted from the beginning: blake comes into her own as an advocate for the faunus and bridge between cultures, specifically in a manner that involves a lot of traveling with yang. her fierce ambition and focus answers yang's lack of ambition (and complete comfort with being a supporter and cheerleader for her loved ones) in a very complementary way. again, math.

i think the ending i'm most curious and uncertain about right now is jaune's. what they did with him in V9 was really interesting and very specific, and also took a turn in a direction that has been making me go hmm in the back of my mind periodically. i wish he'd been in the second rwby x jl movie even just for one scene so that i could have a sense for where he's at emotionally in vacuo. 

he's important for the ozlem reconciliation and narratively intertwined with cinder in a way that almost but doesn't quite feel like the set up for an enemies-to-lovers romantic arc and the weiss/jaune flirtation in V9 is followed by what seem to me to be clear narrative signals against that pairing too. weiss, jaune, and cinder all repeat salem and it's striking to me that all of them refract the tower in similar ways: weiss is her own knight-in-shining-armor, jaune wants to be "the hero," and cinder fights her way out alone in pure desperations. 

possibly there is a point being made here about what the hero tells the girl at the end of 'the girl in the tower': "all you needed was a little help, but in the end you freed yourself." even in the fairytale that is not really true and i think there is perhaps a thin line between giving salem agency and misrepresenting the tower as something she did not, in fact, need saving from—and thence ozpin's rather bizarre insinuation in commentary that the girl might have been an evil manipulator all along.

and then we have cinder (the abused child who truly did free herself, alone) trying to kill weiss (the abused child who, like salem, had agency in her own escape but needed serious help to achieve it) to hurt jaune (the "damsel in distress" who dreams of being his own hero). and in V9 jaune stagnates until he resembles ozpin more than salem and it's weiss who helps him find himself again. it's an interesting suggestion of what might be going on in salem's head, if nothing else.

but there's also jaune's simmering resentment of ozpin and his outburst lashing out at oscar in V6, which makes his corruption in V9 particularly interesting. it's about changing perspective and gaining insight that leads to greater empathy and forgiveness but who for whom? jaune for ozpin certainly, but whether it foreshadows salem coming to understand ozma better or the other way around or both i'm not sure.

i think it will start to clarify quickly enough once we get to V10. a lot depends on where jaune falls emotionally once the dust has settled. the guilt he feels about penny and alyx have risen to the surface and being able to save neo was not nothing but those decades festering haven't just disappeared, and he'll be dealing with this guilt in conjunction with ruby's and winter's and pietro's grief. it's easier to be cynical, but he has his friends again, but he's experienced horrors none of them can fully grasp…

much to think about. 

assuming gillian asturias is a significant player in the vacuo arc, i think she and jaune are going to be narratively linked… somehow. their semblances are mirrored, his lineage of warriors reflects her claim to royal heritage, her absolute devotion to her brother matches his absolute devotion to his friends, she was a prodigy who dropped out and he cheated his way into beacon. there is a lot of really obvious potential for character foils here. 

[ask-a-rare-person]

Is it age regression when your brain is fighting between the thoughts "I want to contribute to society and be a responsible adult" and "life was more fun when you had no responsibility so turn your brain off and ignore all your work and texts and scroll through posts about stuff from your childhood all day"

No, I would not say that. Age regression is when your mental age literally changes. Everyone feels that life witohit responsibility was awsome.

For example, I never ever want to return to my child hood. It was highly traumatic. I do not believe my childhood is worth missing or going back to, and yet I age regress.

Age regression is not just a passing thought or wish. If I were to describe how it feels to regress, I’d compare it more to an active way to clear out old emotion, create new memories one didn’t get to have during child hood, and/or to enter a state of deep meditation. Age regression can also be completely involuntary. I remember when I had a regression episode during school and I new that no one would notice so I jsut went to my next class bc I didn’t wanna miss school(I missed a lot of school taht year due to disabilty). Lo and behold it was the first day of a holecost unit, and god I wish I could have just stopped being regressed immediately. I also can struggle with basic tasks, and handling stuff like a hot kettle is very dangerous for me to do while regressed

The regressions that clear out old emotion or trauma tend to be intense episodes of crying, flashbacks, talking it out, and generally allowing stuff you don’t need anymore to drain from your system. It’s basically of like how crying it out in general helps you move through the same thing.

Regressions that are more “happy” like playing or entering a deep, meditative state of mind create new memories, and create an atmosphere of positive vulnerability and healing. Last summer, I voluntarily regressed every single night as a way to help me sleep and also show my little self that it is okay to come out and explores their self. Doing this nightly for months helped my little self dig up some good memories and truama I didn’t knwo I even had so I could deal with it.

I also got to have the opritunity for my little self to be a trans boy, nonbinary, etc. which is something I didn’t get to really “be” as a child. I didn’t have the opportunity to go by masculine/neutral name, pronouns, etc. and now I can create that for my little self so they don’t have to miss out on that.

Speaking of, I would compare my little self as different from me. I guess I would say regressing feels like having a literal child version of you piolet your body for a while while you can only passively spectate.

While I’m regressed, distant memories feel like they happened seconds ago and recent memories feel unreal and miles away. It can even be difficult to say I’m regressed to a trusted person bc it feels almost…too meta? Kind of like making direct eye contact with your god. It’s just…too powerful? Idk

I do tend to interact with “kiddie” stuff while I’m regressed, but that’s just because that’s what a kid would naturally do. Kids get bored, so does my regressed brain. I remember when I ran out of Pokemon episodes to watch during my nightly regressions and my little self refused to voluntarily come out agian for weeks bc now regression was “boring” 😑

Witch, honestly is a very kid thing to do

I hope I explained thsi well enough pleaee let me know if you have any questions

[unwelcome-tagalong]

okay hi friends, i’m home from school and i have just enough brain power to talk about

Mythal and the creation of the Blight ✨

those of you who’ve been reading my meta lately may recall that i said i had theories about this. we’re gonna dive into them now :)

if you’ve never taken Solas to the Temple of Mythal, you need to—it opens up SO much dialogue, including a discussion of the TONS of statues and representations of the Dread Wolf inside the temple. I'm not going to go super in depth about that content here, i'm saving it for another post, but the important thing to note here is that depictions of the Dread Wolf are literally EVERYWHERE in there. i haven't counted, but i'd be willing to bet there's more imagery of him than any other 'god' besides Mythal herself.

and in the game's epilogue scene and Trespasser, we get a taste of Solas'/the Dread Wolf's relationship to Mythal. It's a bit obscured as to the nature of that relationship (again, stuff for a different post!), but they're obviously quite close, with warm (if complex) feelings towards one another.

for those who haven’t read Tevinter Nights (one, you should if you get the chance, it’s fantastic), there’s a short story contained within called "Dread Wolf Take You" written by our very fave, Patrick Weekes. now, i’m not gonna spoil anything there, but there's some important discussion of the red lyrium idol found in the deep roads during DA2. here’s what it looks like, in detail, for those who’ve forgotten:

[source]

In that same short story, this idol is described as "two lovers [embracing], or a god mourning her sacrifice." there is also a point in that piece where it comes out that Solas considers this idol to be “his.” okay... why?

i think it's because it depicts himself and Mythal. not a stretch with the imagery, right? and i'm not inclined to think they were lovers, at least not anymore. they might have been, but if so, it wasn't the core aspect of their relationship in my eyes. i'll explore that in more detail later on in another post as well. so this leads me to the consideration of 'a god mourning her sacrifice.' (and this, only because i'm inclined to follow the breadcrumbs given us by bioware, especially Patrick Weekes. they're good at weaving stories, as has been pointed out by other users talking about their discussion of what a good story twist is. god i CANNOT find the post?? pls if you see it send it my way bc i feel bad for mentioning it but not linking it.)

in the Temple of Mythal, we learn from Abelas that Mythal was killed, "murdered," as he describes it, and this is confirmed by Solas in Trespasser. Solas says the other gods killed her. now, i'm uncertain about whether this is literal or a metaphor, but i don't think it much matters. i'll explore both views as i keep analyzing and you can decide for yourself.

so here's what i think: i've mentioned before that i believe the Blight to be a biological weapon created by the Evanuris during their war with the Titans. it was specifically created to infect Titans and corrupt/destroy them. this is why we end up with lyrium that has the blight, red lyrium. and here's where we get into the part that's still a bit fuzzy to me. i'm going to lay out a few possible scenarios, but there are certainly more, so if you see something i've missed, please do add on!! i'm going to offer these in the order of what i think is least to most likely.

scenario one: the Evanuris (possibly lead by Elgar'nan, although that's not really important,) create a horrible biological weapon that will infect the physical world, but leave the spiritual untouched. there is no Veil yet at this point in time, so this is an aspect of its engineering, not a feature of the world's structure. they need a blood sacrifice to complete its construction, the sacrifice of a living being (or beings) to finish it and send it off to destroy the world. they decide on Mythal, storm her temple, and murder her to complete the weapon. (this would follow with a few of the things Abelas says at the Well of Sorrows: "[Mythal] was slain, if a god truly can be. Betrayed by those who destroyed this temple.") Solas casts the Veil to prevent the Blight's release, sealing the Evanuris away and locking whatever 'warhead' the Blight is contained within in "the Golden City," which i believe was Arlathan, behind the Veil. this warhead then corrupts the city, blackening it, and accounting for what Corypheus describes when he and the other Magisters Sidereal breach the Veil and enter this supposedly "Golden City" only to find it tainted and empty.

scenario two: where everything is the same, except the Evanuris plan to sacrifice many lives, likely those of slaves, and Mythal instead intervenes. there is a legend told of a time when Elgar'nan and Falon'Din were going to war over some argument, and Mythal interceded, suggesting they resolve the conflict with a single champion each, rather than sending their many soldiers to their deaths. They did so, and thus Mythal saved the lives of untold thousands. What if she did the same here? What if she offered to die for the cause instead of sending an untold number of slaves to their deaths? Perhaps there was something about her form, her body, her power, that made her blood more potent and thus other sacrifices were unneeded? i like this one slightly more than the first, because of the way Weekes describes the red lyrium idol as an image of Mythal's sacrifice. But this still leaves us without a way to account for the destruction of her temple, if she went willingly. which leads me to...

scenario three: my personal favorite theory. the Evanuris create this weapon, despite protests from Mythal, and are prepared to kill her to get their way if they must. Elgar'nan is notoriously ruthless in this way, and if he was indeed the ring leader, as i suspect he was, this is very plausible to me. completing the weapon may or may not have required a blood sacrifice all the same--if it didn't, no problem, but if it did, perhaps the sacrifice of many slaves was still the plan. this matters little to this scenario, as you'll see in a moment. Mythal goes to Solas, a trusted friend, a favored companion, however you see their relationship. (i'll get to that in my next meta, i promise, so no spoilers on what i think!!) She knows of a way to stop them, and she knows it requires blood magic, a life sacrificed. She would never ask another to die for something like this, and so she offers herself. Solas is horrified, but knows she is right, and that this is the only way. Mythal kills herself, and Solas uses the power of her blood to cast the Veil, separating the world of spirits from the physical world. the Evanuris breach Mythal's temple in search of her, and, finding it empty, desecrate and destroy it, until they find themselves caught in the wake of the Veil coming down. i like this theory best because it accounts for all the pieces: Weekes' use of the term "sacrifice" for Mythal, Abelas' description of Mythal's death (mostly, if we take the term "murder" metaphorically, in that she was forced into a situation by others where she had to die against her will), and Solas' attitudes towards blood magic. recall that he says it's a tool like any other, and when it's used to gain power, that's wrong, but it need not always be evil. and note that he says he's never bothered to learn it (possibly a lie, he tells many of those) because it makes it harder to access the Fade. now, to the matter of if the blood sacrifice was still needed to release the weapon... maybe it was. and if so, perhaps that's part of how the Magisters Sidereal unintentionally released it upon the world, as they were said to have sacrificed "slaves beyond counting" (Canticle of Silence 2:2) in order to breach the Fade. So either way, it seems the sacrifice requirement was fulfilled.

in all of these scenarios, it's worth pointing out that the Evanuris, if they're smart (which, don't they have to be at least a little, to get to where they are?), must have some way to separate their spiritual selves from their physical forms in order to avoid the Blight when it is unleashed. I have more to say about this, but it's better left to my next post. :) so for now, just stay tuned on that, but the point here is, if they have done so in preparation for the release of the weapon, wouldn't that make it awfully easy and convenient to seal them away from the physical world entirely?

so, with all that said, stuff that still needs exploring in future meta:

Solas' nature. A spirit? A demon? A god? Just some fucking guy trying to do the right thing? I'll talk about this next time. :)

Solas' and Mythal's relationship! Also something that will go in my next meta post.

writing this also gave me ideas about the Evanuris and the Old Gods that i'm going to talk more about. i'm pretty sure i made a post especially about this already? and if so perhaps i'll rewrite it, but it may have been an addition on someone else's post, in which case i'm going to make my own!

plus a few other assorted things featuring Cullen, Cole, and dwarves! (not all at once. sorry lol)

in summary, the Blight's a biological weapon, and that's why Mythal died/was murdered and Solas cast the Veil and sundered the world. <3

[trouslinabone]

What's the canon ending for Fallout New Vegas and Fallout 4?

I feel like Fallout 3's canon ending was obvious and I have little experience in Fallout and Fallout 2. Hence why I ask for only these two games.

But this is a question that people have been asking for as long as the games been out - or at least I assume people have. I think someone mentioned it? I don't know, it's been rotting my brain - and I think I have the answer!!

Fallout: New Vegas' canon ending is: House Ending

Fallout 4's canon ending is: Institute + Minutemen.

This is gonna be a long one, isn't it?

Look: I'll explain Fallout: New Vegas first - since it seems slightly less controversial.

The entire game happens because of Robert House - he's the reason you were saved. He's the reason you're in New Vegas to begin with. Hell, he's the reason there is a New Vegas. I feel like the game revolves around him more than any other faction. Well, of course, you can kill him insanely easily and fairly early on too. But what makes him canon over everything else?

Well, let's look at our other options first:

Caesar's Legion:

This one is never argued to be canon, but I feel like I should properly dismiss it. To put it simply - it's implied that the Legion would collapse in on itself, and unless Fallout 5 wants to take place directly after New Vegas, Caesar - the reason the Legion hasn't fallen apart - is close to dying of age. That's assuming Caesar living would be the canon one anyways, otherwise the Legion would devolve into a chaotic raider group and become another headache of the wasteland - far from the threat it once was.

Yes Man:

This one is also never argued to be canon, but for different reasons. This one puts you - the player - in charge of things. This sucks considering that it's a roleplaying game and everyone has a different character. Of course, we could say maybe someone took over Yes Man - or that Yes Man's assertiveness update made him able to say no to others. There, it could work - but I feel like it'd need to take place a lot further than the other games in the franchise for our player to not be a big deal in any sense of the word.

NCR:

The only actual candidate for the canon ending. This one has a lot going for it. NCR has been shown to be a canon ending before from what I do know of the original Fallout games, and NCR overall is a heavily featured faction. However, I do think this one also isn't it since they're slowly becoming a full country - and while they have many issues with supplies and body count - there's a point that if the Brotherhood of Steal is scared of the NCR, it's too much. And as they grow, they'll just get more and more powerful and it's less and less convincing on why they need a random survivor in Fallout 5 or whatever to help them dominate an area.

That's why I think Robert House - from narrative to meta reasons - is the canon ending. While the player is heavily featured in the House ending, it's not as bad and if the next game takes place in, say, the east coast, then there's a reason why they wouldn't be there compared to House's robots. Plus, despite the voice actor of House dying, Robert House is such an interesting character that I'd love to see more of.

Onto Fallout 4 :D

So, here's the really big controversial one - The Institue.

Now, before I even get into it - I'mma just come out and say it: I know I criticized Yes Man's route for having the player in a big role - And my main counterpoint is that if you have preset names for your characters, voice acting for your characters, set dialogue for their personality as well as a big emphasis in personality all together, as well as actual models that are supposed to be your character, then maybe it's not an RPG anymore.

Yeah, okay, so here's why I think what I think:

Like with House mentioned above - The Institute is heavily featured throughout the entire game - and more importantly, Shaun is too. Now, thanks to our character having a personality, we know that they're a grieving parent who's only care into the world is to find Shaun. Now, as funny as it is to shoot him the second he walks through the door, I doubt the sole survivor would. So, more than likely, they'll just be happy to be with Shaun again and do whatever he wants.

Now, I said "With Minutemen", and what I mean is that, for those who don't know, you can go all the way to clearing out the castle for the minutemen before you have to follow their questline to the end. This means that you can choose any faction you want and the Minutemen will have a giant presence over the Commonwealth. Now, I think this was rather because the Minutemen were not originally going to be an endgame faction but was changed later on during development, OR, it was intentional to technically have a "Two factions" ending.

As for why I think it's canon? Same reason as always. A lot of focus is placed on the Minutemen.

Now, I won't list why the other factions aren't canon, as unlike New Vegas, they all could be canon I guess. Railroad seems unlikely though since its questline is basically nothing but the Institute's questline again (wow, is this another faction that was changed later on to be an endgame faction-). I think we're all getting sick of the Brotherhood of Steel being a big role in these games. And Minutemen and Institute by themselves could be canon, but I feel like narratively and from more meta elements it's more likely both are.

These are my thoughts on the canon endings! Lemme know what you think!