#i do not have the brain powers to meta anymore

[forgloryforhonor]

throwing toyako - takasugi x gintoki x shimura

lesson 574 gintoki -> takasugi -> save shinpachi

lesson 701 takasugi -> otae -> gintoki

they even did that one-eyed thing

it came full circle

[its-your-mind]

ALWAYS rotating TAZ: Balance around in my brain like microwave but ESPECIALLY with the announcement of The Suffering Game graphic novel

The dope thing they can do (and are doing) with the graphic novel series is sprinkle in moments of foreshadowing and hints to the reader about what REALLY might be going on here, which is so cool and I’m a huge fan of it, especially when you’re telling a story in this form.

But what is REALLY FUCKING TASTY about Balance as a story is that none of the motherfuckers telling it had any clue what they were doing when they started

Gerblins is dick jokes and not knowing how dice work and making fun of each other for voices. LICHRALLY the scene where Taako grabs the Umbrastaff is immediately proceeded by Clint trying different voices for Merle while Justin begs him to stop, as Taako. Merle gets launched across the room cuz he failed his save, and now Taako has an umbrella. The scene moves on.

Griffin brought them up to the BOB, introduced them to the Director, and gave them memories of a war fought over nameless, lost, powerful but mysterious artifacts. The memory that Taako takes from it is the idea of soured cream (ya know, for his taco quest).

And then they’re off, on different adventures, making friends, saving lives, making more dick jokes, and Griffin is in the background, slowly building in the meta-plot, as all DMs do.

But this meta-plot was HUGE. It was ALL-CONSUMING. It completely changes everything we know about this world and these characters. It takes the moments of dick jokes, and arguments about character voices, and flirting with death, and adds a layer of tragedy and complexity that just wasn’t present the first time they told that story.

AND THAT’S WHY THIS STORY KICKS ASS. The vibe of the story changed as Tres Horny Boys grew closer and closer to remembering the lives they had lost, as Griffin upped the stakes, as people started dying. They still don’t know shit for most of The Suffering Game, but you absolutely could not have predicted the tone of that arc after just listening to Gerblins. It sounds like a completely different story. And so when the other shoe drops, when shit breaks bad, when it’s the end of the world… again, and they have to reclaim their Stolen Century…

It makes sense. The tone has shifted enough to accommodate that kind of change. The characters have grown (back) into themselves enough to make this work.

Because TAZ: Balance is a tragedy. But the tragedy happened before the podcast even started, and had been erased. So of course it started off with goofs and dildo jokes. Of course the three of them started being standoff-ish with each other and making light of every situation that should have had a lot more weight. They didn’t know what they had lost, and we, the audience, didn’t either. So it was easy to laugh and joke… until slowly, it wasn’t so much anymore.

Plenty of people have praised Griffin’s storytelling abilities, but I think the thing that was most impressive to me was how he took the disparate threads laid out behind the Boys on their adventures, and followed them backwards, into the story they had lost, and forwards, into the ending they earned. I fucking love that he settled on Istus as the deity to interact with them, because I don’t think there’s a better representation of the story Griffin was weaving behind the scenes of the arcs.

Story and Song wasn’t really an arc driven by dice rolls and role playing - but it wasn’t railroading either. Griffin took every story they had told, every happy ending they had fought for, and twined them around and through each other. The world was saved not because of a lucky nat 20 roll, but because every person they had helped through the story came out in force to fight beside them to save their world.

And so in the end, the Stolen Century was a tragedy. But The Adventure Zone: Balance was a story of hope, of family, of the power that just a few loveable doofuses can have when they move through the world, making friends and saving lives. So when the world was ending and they needed help, there were dozens of people waiting to hear the Story and the Song that would give them the push they needed to fight, and the hope they needed to win.

[weirdo-from-bonesborough]

combining my immortal jason headcanon* with the immortal duke (implied) canoncanon where the rest of the family grows old and dies and these two watch the generations rise and fall remaining unchanged. and duke is like ugh i can't believe i have to deal with this asshole forever and ever and jason's like OF COURSE i'm stuck with the guy who's just as uptight as bruce. (they don't have to interact but they still do.) (because they're still brothers. because they're the only ones who understand.) (they gossip about the newbies. and then the newbies' newbies.) (they gossip about how this batgirl is worst than tim and that robin is almost as sharp as babs and oh steph would just eat that nightwing up.) (now they know how alfred felt. how it feels to be outgrown.) (god if bruce could see how his vision has grown.) (how come the daytime protector survives but the dark knight is dead.) (why do we have to watch other people wear their skins.) (you think they'd be happy. do you think they'd approve.) (i've stalked crime alley so so long and i can hardly recognize her anymore.) (it's so much brighter.) (did we succeed.) (is this what we were fighting for.) (then why do we still go out.) (we're the only ones who have no legacy.) (we've stalked these streets so long they forget we weren't always here.) (will we ever have to be replaced.) (they take us for granted.) (we took them for granted.) (i miss them.) (i wonder if they miss us too.)

[brucewaynehater101]

Give Tim task masters power 2024

Alright! Looked up Taskmaster, the Marvel character.

I like Tim being hard working and putting in so much effort to accomplish what his predecessors did.

On the other hand, this is a very interesting concept to consider. Let's use wiki's info on him:

Taskmaster has the ability to perfectly duplicate almost any physical ability he's seen once. However, he can't copy their abilities, physical stats, or even the reasoning behind the actions. He also loses personal memories the more he copies other people (after reaching the initial threshold).

So Tim could rarely utilize this power, especially in the beginning, because he needs all the muscles first. When he's training as Robin, it takes him a long ass time cause he doesn't quite understand how to do complicated moves without copying them. He also doesn't want to cue Bruce into the fact that he's a meta (is it a meta power?)

Tim, during his Robin career, ends up copying people a few times. Never something obvious and only when necessary. He ends up doing this a few times that, after his mom dies, he ends up realizing that he's forgotten important information about his mom. This is terrifying to Tim due to his reliance on his brain (he can't trust it if it forgets shit).

So he starts to take copious notes on everything he knows and backs it up on a server only he would know how to get into and maybe a few trusted friends (like Bart, Kon, or Cassie). Duke isn't around, and Tim still isn't sure of his place on the team. So, Tim doesn't trust the Bats with his meta status. He believes it would get him kicked off the team.

During the BruceQuest, Tim ends up having to copy a lot of abilities in order to stay alive. He writes important information in his code on his body, so he remembers to keep looking for Bruce. Tim barely knows why he's doing what he's doing anymore, but he knows it's important. That's the only reason he'd be willing to give up so much of his mind. In the end, Tim sends off the information he gathers to the JL. Bruce gets rescued.

Now. This can go several ways.

Does Ra's fuck with Tim's writings on his body to manipulate Tim?

Does Tim escape but not return to Gotham due to his memory issues?

Do Kon, Bart, and Cassie (when the first two return back from the dead) hunt Tim down and shove him in front of his memory protocol?

Does Raven end up erasing a bunch of the abilities from Tim's mind so Tim can gain back his memories?

[codenamesazanka]

being a hopeless spinaraki, but also not just spinaraki, because this applies to all of the League and Villains in general—

Is it possible to dig deeper into Shigaraki's "If Spinner is still alive" and its meaning/implications and like. cry over it?

If Spinner is still alive = We went into fight knowing we might not make it out alive. (Heroes get total victory. The Villains don't count as part of that.)

If Spinner is still alive = AFO gave him those extra quirks and I, while possessed, wasn't able to stop it. Maybe I wouldn't have stopped it, because Spinner chose it. It might have been the quirks which killed him.

If Spinner is still alive = But it's also entirely possible Heroes could've killed him. Spinner is just a weakling with a useless quirk and some swords, but still, maybe he's dead because Heroes killed him. Heroes killed Twice. Heroes have repeatedly tried to kill me; cannot save me from this death. Toga went into battle thinking it was life or death. Heroes kill, and we Villains all know this.

If Spinner is still alive = I wanted him to see my horizon, because he was looking forward to it. I wanted to be a Hero for the League. Now, I can't do that anymore. Because of that, tell him this, for me.

If Spinner is still alive = Maybe he lived. Out of everyone in the league, Spinner lives because he's weak, he's ignorable. He was only following me. He didn't have a death wish, his power is something Heroes could manage. He wouldn't be considered too dangerous to live.

If Spinner is still alive = Because I know that he might not be. Because I don't trust Heroes have to saved any of us, whether from AFO machinations, or from ourselves, or from the ravages of battle.

'If' implies uncertainty. There's significant meaning in that - that Shigaraki knows Heroes there's a good chance cannot/would not/did not want to save them. And the fact that it's Spinner who gets an 'if' - Spinner, weakest one in the League. How hard is it to stop Spinner? Even with the extra quirks. Maybe especially with the extra quirks - he'd be disoriented, unintelligible, clearly not doing well. He was assigned the task of invading a hospital and retrieving Kurogiri with 15,000 rioters, the relatively least dangerous task out of all other Villains. That's basically zero trust in Heroes to have stopped Spinner in a way that didn't kill him, to have helped him from his melting brain.

Like, Shigaraki has seen the aftermath of his own 'saving'. Deku might have had some intention to save him, but not enough to actually succeed preventing his death. If that was ever the goal. Maybe all that mattered was just ghost of The Crying Child.

If any of the League lives, it's luck. It's mercy.

One might argue, it's because rhe League was so dangerous, and they made the choices that got themselves killed.

But meta-wise, we had that whole Ending arc about Heroes Don't Kill or whatever; we kept getting hit over the head with 'Heroes Save People'; the narrative dangled in front of us 'Heroes Will Save The League'. During the war, background Heroes made gestures of pulling captured Villains away from fire, of capturing them alive.

Then again, Twice was killed and that's probably the escape clause - if the League became dangerous enough, saving them can stop being the goal, despite the narrative supposedly having made it its goal.

Heroes fought the Villains and Shigaraki knew was there was no guarantee Heroes would save them or keep them alive. Despite being Heroes. Because they're Villains, they're unforgivable, they got too broken, they don't get that promise of being saved. Never had - not from abusive homes, not from societal apathy, not from the cruelty of conformity, not from their 'one bad day'; never will.

It reminds me of when Toga sought out Ochako. Twice was killed, and Toga desperately wanted to know, if she ever needed it, if it came down to it, Heroes would save her. Heroes would treat her like a person who deserves being saved, because she's a human being and should be afforded at least that. The League already knew Heroes would not save them. But Toga kept hope. She wanted to believe that Heroes wouldn't put her down like a mad dog. She was disappointed. She gave up hope. Ochako rekindled that hope, but just Ochako. And then the narrative seemed to have refused Toga getting saved anyways.

(Unless, of course, being saved is only about the heart being saved. Then yeah, I guess they can just die.)

[optichocolate]

Absolute flash won't come out in sooo long and yet my brain won't stop thinking about it...

Anyways we got some pictures and I'm gonna analyze the hell out of them like the nerd I am. So, first things first. We got this image when absolute flash was first announced and I saw some people trying to guees what it meant and that maybe the figure around Wally was Barry. But I think it's Wally himself in this pictures. What that means I have no idea, but you can see three figures around him and I think the haircut of this person is kinda similarto Wally's own? He looks tormented by the figure which is not cool, but hey it's not the flash if Wally doesn't suffer a little amiright?

In the second image he looks really shocked to have powers which means he probably wasn't born with them. The image on the bottom panel kinda supports my theory that these red things are Wally's powers. Either it's an stylistic choice, a new spin on the speedforce, or he's being possessed by something. Could be all three.

His fear on these images could be because his powers hurt him, which is likely the reason, BUT! I'm gonna venture and say that in this universe, being a metahuman is illegal, or simply very very bad. We go this image of the rouges looking badass and my initial thought was that they were assossiated with the government somehow. I think they could be paid in order to do certain things (probably hunting metas?) and getting paid for it. Maybe they are even viewed as superheroes!

I'm so excited to see them in action. So far we can see Golden Glider, Captain Cold, Captain Boomerang, and Trickster? I think? Probably a new character cause it looks like a woman.

And finally my favorite page.

Here we get Wally talking to... someone. I actually have no idea who this is. It gives me uncle Ben vibes, but he looks to old be Barry. And since this is a story where the heroes are doing BADLY I assume it's not Jay either. The only way I could see it being either of those two is if they die OR wally won't see them anymore. The last panel being all black makes me think they are telling Wally something shocking, or maybe they are sending him away?

It could also be Rudy...? Wally has green eyes, and the guy has brown eyes, though. Besides, Rudy and this guy look nothing alike and it's... weird seeing him being so chill. Have we ever seen Rudy actually sit down and talk to Wally in a nice way? At least this guy looks chill, though he IS pretty big. Look how tiny wally loooks in comparison. Sure hope he won't turn him in to the Rouges or something.

The third possible option is that this is a foster parent? Maybe Ira West took him in? Could be a totally new character, the point is that he takes care of Wally. Maybe Rudy and Mary died, or they were clearly abusive in here? The second option doesn't sound too far-fetched... The writer has complete freedom over this story considering it's like a canon AU, so anything could happen. This guy could be an alien for all we know. A manifestation of the speedforce? A memory? A nightmare? Who knows...

[canonizzyhours]

One thing I do find fascinating, is that everyone who watches ofmd for the first time has the opportunity to interpret the show however they see fit. And while everyone is different, and will connect with different characters for different reasons. There are certain aspects that, once you decide to delve deeper, have to be viewed in either good faith or bad.

When I first watched the show, I didn't really have many opinions of it, other than the normal kinda baseline interpretations. Of course I loved it, which is why I'm here now, but I'd not considered any of what was shown, further than the surface level.

I maybe had a unique experience, having been able to power through s1 and s2 without pause. But it got me thinking, could I have had the opportunity to join the canyon, had I been subjected to more of it once I entered the fandom space? After all, if it is merely an interpretation that is supported by the text of the show, then it is valid for me to look at both arguments and decide where I see myself fitting no?

The problem with that is, I simply couldn't make my brain comprehend why anyone would come away from the show seeing Izzy as the "special guy", "the main character", "the most interesting in the show" etc. I would have to have gone so far against the text to make myself believe and feel comfortable with those interpretations, that it wouldn't have felt like my thoughts anymore.

Once I started reading meta, I saw takes from both sides. And it just became very noticeable that some people are just good at arguing, using big words or complicating sentences to make you think like you're reading a good analysis whereas really, they're just media illiterate. And once you realise that, reading meta about the actual show becomes a lot more enjoyable.

I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this, I guess I'm just baffled how some people can come away from watching the show and end up in the canyon despite what they're shown in text, and having plenty of excellent meta analysis at their disposal. I didn't have to search hard for good takes, they were just there. In my opinion, it would be harder to avoid them.

#431.

[itsclydebitches]

I'm preparing myself for the personal disappointment of Ted going back home to Kansas (even though I don't believe that's his home anymore) and that Trent will see him off in a ruby slippers shirt, especially since Lance has worn one before and we now know a lot of Trent's shirts are coming from his closet:

But in writing another meta I've been thinking a lot about Ted Lasso's clothing, particularly how it is used to connect with others and showcase growth. Sometimes that attempt is a failure and the growth is a detriment to the character, such as Nate trying to copy Roy's all black suit, and sometimes it's a success and the growth is something to celebrate, like Roy finding a compromise between his and Phoebe's tastes with his dark-colored, tie-die t-shirt. Beyond the issue that I don't want Ted to go back to Kansas at all (not unless the intention is to have him realize that Richmond is his true home now), a Dorothy shirt would fall flat for me because there's no in-universe connection to Ted. We as the audience understand the allusion because we've been picking up on hints since Season 1: Ted makes a quip about not being in Kansas anymore, he holds high scores on a Wizard of Oz pinball machine, he's surrounded by other allusions such as an emotionless man in need of a heart (Roy), a scared lion who rejects being a panda (Rebecca), and the comedic, presumed idiot who does in fact have a brain (Jamie). But all of that exists on an analytical level. In-world, Ted hasn't identified with Dorothy and what few connections there are -- such as that acknowledgement that he feels out of his depth in a new world -- are no longer accurate three seasons later, after a hell of a lot of growth. Unlike the suit and the shirts that exist overtly on screen as a way to say, "These characters are sharing a connection," Trent talking to Ted in a Dorothy shirt would feel too removed from textual!Ted and textual!Trent to have the same impact. This shirt totally sums up his story!... provided you've done the work to interpret all the easily missed hints and ignored the ways in which a Wizard of Oz ending would (imo) be a regression for Ted.

With an acknowledgment that I'm playing with all this through the assumption that Trent's shirt will have something to do with Ted, rather than us just getting an Overtly Queer shirt to show that Trent has fully embraced who he is, I've been hemming and hawing over what I'd give him instead. In some ways, Ted is notable for his lack of distinct fashion. He wears Richmond gear 70% of the time and the rest is plain colored long-sleeved shirts and collared shirts with polos. It's a distinctly Ted look to be sure (passionate and athletic vs. soft, comfortable, and mildly professional while still feeling approachable), but there's less material to work with than, say, Keeley's vibrate, quirky wardrobe; or Rebecca's preference towards outfits that emphasize her power as a kind of shield: wealth, beauty, her height; or -- of course -- Trent's move from buttoned-up journalist to queer bracelet, queer mug, queer style icon t-shirts. I can't think of anything Trent could wear off the top of my head that would a) be within his "vibe" and b) scream "I'M DECLARING MY SUPPORT AND/OR ROMANTIC LOVE FOR TED FUCKING LASSO."

Except, of course, for a "BELIEVE" shirt.

While I love and fully agree with Ted's speech about how belief needs to come from within and, thus, their sign is not actually necessary, a part of me is still disappointed that "BELIEVE" is no longer a visual part of the club. I'd be more willing to accept letting it go if we hadn't seen that Ted himself still relies on those visual reminders. Not only does he choose to put the sign up in the first place rather than simply telling the boys to believe in themselves, but back when Nate was doubting their chances in Ted's apartment, Ted sprints to his bathroom to retrieve one of mini signs he, obviously, keeps on hand and presumably sees every morning, soon as he gets up. It's important to him, not just the message, but the physicality of the reminder itself, so I've been expecting/hoping for the message to return in a new form by the end of the season.

Granted, that little moment was a while ago and it's possible that the writers didn't realize the implications it would have when Ted later ripped up the sign. However, another reason why I don't think my expectation is completely hopeless is because of the Season 3 promo, wherein all the Richmond family make their own BELIEVE signs. Forgetting a small gag back in Season 1 or 2 is understandable, but the promotion for the latest season? Why in the world would our advertising emphasize -- and celebrate! -- all the characters creating signs of their own if the message was meant to be, "Let the sign go. It's no longer needed"?

We didn't get this scene in the show proper, but it still speaks volumes that they filmed a moment where every character puts their own spin on the BELIEVE sign, using it to highlight their personality. Then, we end with a shot of Ted's touched approval as he talks about feeling seen.

Chronologically, Trent would have been around for all this. There's no need for the team to make their own signs until they realize the original has been torn and, obviously, Trent had become a part of the family by then. He's the one who discovered how the sign was torn in the first place. So if we read the promo as canonical, even if it didn't end up in an episode, why wouldn't Trent have joined in with everyone else? Thing is, he doesn't have a locker to hang a sign on, or even an office to put it in, and given that he's worn the same two bracelets and consistently used the same mug, there's really only one way that Trent shows his personality:

Shirts.

Some of which are notably brightly colored with blocky text referencing American-style learning.

I don't want Trent to walk into the finale with a Dorothy shirt whose importance only exists on a subtexual level and heralds Ted leaving the actual home he's worked to build. I want Trent to strut out in a bright yellow shirt with BELIEVE across the front, announcing to the world that, yes, he believes in the Lasso Way. Give me the implication that he had this made when everyone was personalizing their signs. Give me a fully confident "dork" who's willing to excitedly proclaim his love and support without fear of censor. Give me a BELIEVE reminder that's now tailored to the individual and can be worn or safely tucked away as needed. Give me the possibility (because it's not gonna be canon😭) that Trent is in love with Ted and he's going to display that in the most overt but-not-actually-saying-it way possible.

He sees Ted and he loves what he sees.

Dorothy and her allusion don't exist in the textual show proper and they're definitely not connected to Trent's relationship with Ted. What is though? The very first words Trent said about Ted that weren't an insult, accusation, snide remark, or disbelieving question:

"I can't help but root for him."

What better way to take Trent full circle than to let him literally wear his heart on his sleeve, shouting in bright colors and with a noticeable vibe that yes, he does believe in Ted Lasso.

[hallowsden]

DC x DP Idea Thing #4

Dual-sided Rebirth AU (Official name pending)

Brain had this idea for over a week (or 2...) now, rent-free, but what if Jazz, Dan, Danny, and Ellie all reincarnated as Harvey Dent's kids? Jazz and Dan are the old set of twins while Danny and Ellie are the younger set. Will all of them remember their past lives? I say majority of it.

This is before Harvey got scarred and became Two-Face and maybe the mother is someone before Gilda Dent? Idk, all I know is that all of them present as Metas despite neither Harvey or their mother had the meta trait (this is a case that Black Canary II falls under from what my research says), Danny and Ellie's powers showing from birth while Dan's and later Jazz's activated after.

Danny and Ellie were thought to be dead when they were born but they proved otherwise. Danny froze a nurse's hand while Ellie went into goop mode a few times. Later Dan and Jazz both set something on fire but for two completely different reasons, severity, and time. At least to say, Harvey here has a handful, especially if he was acting as a single parent here.

Harvey's gonna have a bit of a hard time first as a parent, regardless if this is pre-Two-Face era or not. Man here is (secretly) terrified at the thought of becoming like his father to his kids.

It takes a while but he gets used to the life of fatherhood despite also being busy as hell. The kids help out by behaving (as much as they can anyways), though, Jazz's powers do come in handy.

(She's like SCP-999 essentially here when she notices people are stressed in her proximity, for lack of better words. No one noticed she had powers till it manifested into harmless flames that had calming effects to it when nearby. With her powers + support from her and the rest of her siblings, they managed to delay Two-Face's debut for a while later on. But uh, yeah, her powers are gonna be very helpful for Harvey when Dan, Danny, and Ellie all gain more powers cause OOOOO BOY, blood pressure, am I right?)

Harvey becomes more motivated to get into Law after all his kid's powers were shown so they can be seen/treated as equals and not have Metas outright banned from Gotham especially, even though he keeps his kid's status as "metas" away from public knowledge. It later becomes an open secret though.

As stated earlier, the Two-Face debut is gonna be delayed. Jazz, Dan, Danny, and Ellie are gonna be very protective of their dad (and pa when they officially meet Harv) after the attack. Mother henning children. I feel like Dan's gonna empathize with both of them a lot in a way and have late-night talks with dad and pa about the darker thoughts they all have.

As much as they all tried, though, Two-Face is gonna make an appearance cause this is Gotham.

When Two-Face era begins, Harvey and Harv likely avoid the kids (even if Danny and Ellie are still teens while Jazz and Dan are in Uni) as their way of protecting them from overall villain stuff the two do despite all of them trying to reach out to him and supporting them, hoping they'll get better.

I'm ngl, I feel like Dan and Danny are gonna join the criminal business with their dad and pa (much to their protests) cause someone has to look out for them. Ellie joins in on occasions for chaos and shenanigans (cause yes) and Jazz is glaring at Arkham with so much contempt cause YOU AREN'T HELPING HER DAD AND PA PROPERLY! (As well as the other inmates but STILL- YOU CALL THAT PROPER MEDICAL PRACTICE- Jazz ends up burning at least something whenever anything about Arkham is brought up. Everyone in the family is scared cause her flames normally don't even singe a thing)

Jazz is creating her own practitioner-place therapy thing cause TO HELL WITH ARKHAM!

I... Honestly don't know what I'm writing here anymore. More exhausted then usual. Might add/edit later. Idk. Just- Reincarnation for Fenton Kids, Harvey being Gotham's original Famous Dad before Bruce (which speaking of- he's Uncle Bruce and Dan and Danny don't trust him which confuses Harvey and Harv), and just, angst, fluff, chaos, and shenanigans.

[monstersinthecosmos]

Daddy Kink in Gallows Bird

[read on AO3]

CW: Incest, noncon, TVA stuff !

Okay so. I’m in the middle of writing another meta about Daddy Kink in VC/TVA/B&G so please forgive me if this post or the other winds up being redundant, but in the middle of all the deep thinking I’ve been doing about that topic in canon, I also had some interesting convo in the comments of this fic, so I wanted to park this somewhere as well. I’ll try not to be too repetitive and I’m going to try to keep the convo focused a little more on the fic than on canon (to the best of my ability since they overlap so much!) because I wanted to talk specifically about the train of thought that informed the fic, and just take it with a grain of salt because it does veer into headcanon territory at times when I’m filling in gaps from canon.

Anyway so I brought Daddy Kink/father themes up a few times in this fic, here’s some examples (this might be all of them actually, I forget lol):

During Amadeo’s dream about being raped, that the smell of wine subliminally reminds him of his father, even though he can’t quite put it together.

Matteo commenting that Marius is Amadeo’s father (during sex, and implying that Marius fucks him).

The man at the party towards the end who is thinking about his own son while he eats Amadeo out.

Marius telling the men in the final scene that he and Amadeo are named Ivan and Andrei.

BONUS POINT, less obvious: Marius musing about Rome, the fatherland, and Roman storytelling trying to paint forefathers in a better light.

I admit that on some level this is not that deep lol it was just being horny and indulging in daddy kink, but like I do want my fics to make sense when it comes to meta and I did want it to be plausible with canon.

So off the bat we have to say like, VC vampires exist above social constructs anyway. Marius isn’t someone who’s going to get grossed out by crossing a boundary like this, in the same vein as Louis and Claudia or Lestat and Gabrielle. As vampires they do not exist inside familial structures anymore. So I think this is extremely present in the Venice portions of the books, that there’s this blurry line around father/mentor/maker/lover.

I also think about this part of B&G every day of my life:

And I, with all my power, and all my blandishments, could not replace Amadeo’s father in Amadeo’s mind. Why was I so jealous? Why did this knowledge sting me so much?

BONUS LINE IN NEXT PARAGRAPH: I loved Amadeo as I had loved Pandora.

I WANT TO BE HIS DADDY BUT ALSO HIS DADDY. I WANT HIM TO BE MY CHILD AND ALSO MY WIFE.

There’s just so much going on here!

Anyway so in TVA I think like, not knowing Marius’s POV at that point, Marius is having lots of mood swings, he can be hot and cold, at times sends Amadeo mixed signals. But in B&G when we get the insight, we learn how often he struggled with whether or not to turn Amadeo as he began to love him. (I think also a lot about when he tells Armand at the end of TVA that he sees Armand loves B+S more respectfully than Marius ever loved Armand!!)

And I want to like, balance this against Marius’s inherent selfishness with how he treated Amadeo, how he treated him like a pet or like a project. I don't think (in canon) he saw Amadeo as a full person, and it's why he interrupts Amadeo so much in the fic. Amadeo at this point in canon exists for Marius's own needs.

(Sidenote, when I was working on this fic and kept struggling with like, the POV of a Marius who doesn’t actually see Amadeo as a complete person, I kept using how I feel about my cats as a reference lol. Like I love them to death, I would die for them, but they don’t have a single fucking thought in their brains, they are little babies that I take care of bc they’re cute and I like having them around.)

I talk a lot about how I love Marius because he’s a flawed person; I find his flaws and missteps to be so human and relatable, like I too do my best to be reasonable and kind and patient and yet I do have a petty side. I can hold grudges. I think all of us are capable of acting selfishly.

Because like, his love of Amadeo is conditional, it’s like having a pet. In the book he keeps changing his mind if he should turn Amadeo or let him free to have a real life and we don’t know what his ultimate decision would have been because Harlech forces his hand. The question is: Would he have ever let Amadeo go?

He specifically chooses Amadeo because it’s someone he sees as a blank slate, A FUNERAL SPIRIT, someone on borrowed time. Marius considers Amadeo’s life over already, so this is all bonus for him. There’s never a question of rescuing him out of goodness and returning him to his home. Marius specifically chooses him to groom as a fledgling because he’s lonely, and he doesn't see Amadeo as a human with a potential life anyway.

So in the fic I tried to make this clear, all the times Marius wonders if he can keep Amadeo, even begging Akasha for a clue, and by the end he realizes he has to keep Amadeo because this experience has ruined him. He’s never going to be able to live a normal life now, and Marius knows it*. AS FAR AS THE FIC UNIVERSE GOES, we could ask the same, like, will Marius still turn him in this fic timeline if Harlech doesn’t show up, but I think he would.

*also as an aside, I wrote this fic to be like backwards engineered Devil's Minion, so I bring this theme up a lot in my Armand/Daniel fics, and the entire thesis of The Lotus Eater is that Armand was careless with Daniel and broke him, which is what Marius does to Amadeo.

Anywhoo, back to the daddy stuff.

Like sure yeah it’s just there to be horny because I think Daddy Kink is absolutely present in canon, but Marius is enjoying this game they’re playing, too, even if he’s a little too proper to admit it. He likes taking Amadeo out and getting to protect him. He likes indulging in the kill when Amadeo is fucking wrecked, like it’s a sex act they can share. He likes that their victims think he’s Amadeo’s father. It makes him feel powerful.

And towards the end, when they’re talking about stoicism and whether or not you can simply turn your emotions off, it also leads into whether or not Amadeo can make the choice to remember where he comes from.

Canon doesn’t explicitly say this so this is where fic headcanon comes in, but I wanted to make it that Marius can see into Amadeo’s dreams, and I implied that he knows perfectly well exactly where Amadeo is from. He knows about the monastery, he knows about Andrei’s home life and his parents, he knows their names! So every day that passes in Venice where Marius doesn’t offer this information, or bring him home, is another day he’s chosen to keep Amadeo, and is ultimately selfish.

On the other hand, especially once the fic starts and Amadeo’s memories start coming back to him, Amadeo knows that Marius knows, and he never asks.

This is of course like, dubcon territory of like, SHOULD AMADEO HAVE TO ASK? Is Amadeo’s fragile mental state a clue that he cannot consent or make informed decisions? Is Marius behaving badly by allowing this wounded child to make his own decisions, or as the adult/immortal, even as the mentor/father/lover, should he guide Amadeo to do what’s right? And what exactly is the right decision?

But from the moment Amadeo realizes that Marius knows more about him than he reveals, Amadeo never asks, which means he’s making a decision to stay in Venice. And like, the morally correct thing is not really relevant here when Marius’s moral compass is so far removed from human sensibility, but it also affirms his desire to be wanted. He’s happy that Amadeo wants to stay and wants to be his pupil and his baby boy, so he’s not going to challenge it.

And that’s why he drops the names Ivan and Andrei in the final sex scene, as a climax to all of this. It’s serves both as one final way to challenge Amadeo, to ask if he TRULY doesn’t remember, but also serves to take on the ROLE of Ivan. He wants to be Amadeo’s Daddy. And even though the men in the room are teasing him about how he’s not actually going to sell Amadeo, how Amadeo must be his favorite, how he must be a freak, etc, he still owns Amadeo in this sense, and it allows him another level of release along with Amadeo’s sexual release.

WELL. I hope that makes sense!!! It made sense to me at the time when I was writing it. I love these two dweebs, please talk to me about them any time!

[thenewfuture]

So imo this class trial has two powerful messages behind it. The first one is "Don't torment and bully other people, you never know what their breaking point is." Nico and Ace are the best examples of this. Since the start of the chapter, Ace has tormented Nico non-stop until eventually they couldn't take it anymore and tried to committ murder. Yes they failed but the fact they were pushed to that point should have been a warning on why you shouldn't bully others that harshly.

I'm also so very glad we had a murderer or would-be in this case live past the chapter they tried to do so and deal with the consequences in the next chapter. I wanted this since V3 but the ball keeps being dropped so thank you Despair Time for doing this. Nico has lost a lot of trust with the class for their stunt with Ace and I could see a big theme next chapter being them trying to repair said trust.

And then there's Ace. Nobody respected or cared for him as they all called him stupid, loud, an idiot and saw him as just a angry chihuahua who's all bark and no bite. Well as it turns out, Ace has ears and those words hurt him greatly. He hated being a pushover and was scared of dying like I'm sure most people are. He honestly thought someone was gonna kill him, which is why he had been planning a murder for some time, and when Nico tried to kill them, that was the confirmation they needed to go ahead with the plan.

Think about it. When Nico and Eden got under the hot seat for being the culpirt or their own attempted crimes, there was always someone there to defend them. Who defended Ace? Nobody. Absolutely nobody. Ace's reaction to Levi admitting he didn't care for him was also telling as I think a small part of Ace wanted to believe Levi was looking out for him, only for THAT small bit of hope to be crushed.

But overall the reason both Nico and Ace did what they did this chapter was because they felt backed into a corner and thought nobody was there for them. Humans don't just give up and die, they often fight to the bitter end. And this is why both Nico and Ace sucumbed to the killing game's rules. If the cast was more considerate of others, then this would have never happened.

I don't know who came up with the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" but they are as much of a liar as David, because words can hurt, and in this case, words can be lethal.

But then there's the other message and its a more meta one. And that is not every chapter has to be 4d chess plotting. This is on us as we have consumed so much fanronpas over the years, we expect that the culprit has to have a very complicated reason for doing what they did. As such when a simple class trial comes along like this, we have a bad habit of not accepting it.

And ftr I'm not singling out Bubbles here on their Switch Theory. Others were also coming up with very complicated big brain guesses on why Arei croaked it and at times we forget that not every murder happens because of some deep complex reason. So when one does come along, we have a bad time accepting it. Mondo didn't kill Chihiro for any deep reason, he lost his temper and killed him. Hiyoko walked in on Mikan and was killed. Angie and Tenko are women with decent qualities. None of these are very complex reasons and rather surface level. As such I think we need to learn to not overthink motives and goals and sometimes what you see is what you get.

That's my takeaway with what this class trial has to offer. Do you agree with me on those two messages? Or do you think unironically I'm thinking too deeply?

Yeah I can agree to that.

Everyone is already under stress from being trapped in a killing game, and relentlessly bullying on people is only adding fuel to the fire and putting a giant target on your back. Bullying is bad, has Hiyoko taught you nothing?

My mom always said she would rather be punched or assaulted than to let someone sling insults at her. Physical wounds heal up quick, mental ones not so much...

And I am glad we are getting the "killer still walks among the cast" type deal with Nico. As stated earlier, I would have liked if it both and Nico were here just to deal with it and see what could become of that, but this is fine too. With this Nico can only become a victim or a survivor, and with the show's theme of trusting others I am hoping for the latter part.

And yeah to the second one too, like I said; death is tragic and unfair. Sometimes there isn't a grand reason as to why someone died, they just...did. And it sucks. Especially coming from a writer. Do you know how many times I've planned to kill off when planning out my fangans that just because I have no further use for them? A lot. It just happens. I don't know what else to tell you. ^^;

-Mod

[gaykarstaagforever]

Well! Second DMing session ended with the guy who made me do it, who was going to "help" me, hanging up on me mid-session and texting

So much for "I don't care if you don't know how to do it, I'll walk you through it," I guess.

I was very clear from the outset that I think most ttrpgs, and ALL DnD rules, are arbitrary math nonsense that you need a college course to understand, specifically created by terrible people to force everyone else to put up with their infantile, unintuitive view of the universe. I told him I hate this crap. He manipulated me into trying it anyway. Guess who hasn't changed his mind, and guess who is now throwing a temper-tantrum about it? I TOLD YOU this was a bad idea.

I read the book. The 8 books. It doesn't matter. They're math textbooks written by bad writers and my eyes kept glazing over. I don't understand why any of these rules exist. I'm just forced to memorize formulas. That I don't respect.

There is no space for reputation, or politics, or combat scenario realities, or random accidents and diseases, or genuine surprises, or living in an apathetic, living, breathing world that doesn't give a fuck about your Chosen One status. It is wizards casting fire balls, because the guy doing that hates his mom, and made up a rule set where he can play his weird stupid power fantasies. His weird, stupid, RACIST power fantasies, if this last group's predilections is any indication.

I don't have patience for this. It's arcane and unrealistic and sucks the joy out of everything and it ISN'T FUN.

If you love it, great. I'll get out of your way. But it runs counter to how my brain works and I fucking hate it. I love the idea of using dice to RP events and see what happens. But at some point of complexity you are just obeying someones precious little rule-book so obnoxious math nerds who memorized it can be smug about exploiting loopholes.

Go play a video game for that. That's not a healthy social interaction. That's yet another version of a group of fucked-up people being whiney and dogmatic about random shit they made up, specifically so they can be cool in a world they specifically designed for that purpose. And what the fuck is that? I hate them, and I hate that.

My old mantra was "nerds with math ruin everything." I was always half-joking, but only half. I have zero respect for everything this is, and what people are apparently looking for from it. It is frustrating and boring and limiting and stupid to me. I don't enjoy it. And I don't even want to ever play it again, because I dread being doomed to waste my brain power sorting out weird meta game math shit that doesn't seem to take into account any defensible simulation of actual reality.

I have spent 120+ hours over the last 5 months trying to get into this. Trying to get a handle on why people like it, to figure out the secret I am missing. I have spent stupid amounts of money on stuff, to that end.

And I either lack the 3000 IQ space brain to get it, or I absolutely get it, and I just absolutely hate it. Either way, I've had enough.

I want to do a D6 system that is just "roll against opponent, bigger number wins, DM RPs what that means." That's loose and interesting and feels like real life. The rest can go jump in the river.

"YEAH BUT THAT'S UNFAIR TO PLAYERS!"

The world is unfair to life. You're not 12 anymore. I don't get anything out of playing around in a baby world made for babies. You're just mad because it isn't going to work in your favor the way I'm proposing it.

It's like Tim Cain said about programming RNG. You give them real RNG, everyone gets mad because "it's not fair." Because RNG isn't fair. They don't want RNG, they want to be autocrats of reality, then soothe themselves that they're not in fact cheating assholes by claiming "the numbers worked out in my favor."

When the reality is that the system was specifically designed over 50+ years to give them an advantage. And that isn't RNG. That isn't playing a role. That isn't being a real hero by self-sacrificing and being randomly lucky and muddling through. It's just egotistical self-delusional nothingness.

Like, maybe these kinds of games are STILL niche things for a reason? Maybe the only really popular and profitable entries are video game and movie versions where you don't see the math, BECAUSE you don't see the math? Like I don't think I'm alone in not giving a shit about this byzantine, nerfed crap.

That doesn't make me better. Do whatever you want. But if THAT'S what you're doing, count me the fuck out.

I did my time, and I'm sick of this shit.

[bestworstcase]

Okay, sorry in advance for the consecutive asks (I'm the anon who asked abour Theo and the GoL) it's just it's been ages since I've seen fresh, thoughtful takes on the show in the RWBY FNDM shsjsksksjsj and your metas are scratching a particular corner of my brain lol. My one other question is what would be the state of the world when all is said and done with GoL's ascension and the Ozlem reconciliation? And what would be the fates of characters like Ruby, Summer, Cinder, and the other Maidens?

i enjoy being encouraged to ramble :P

anyway, i think the ending after the climactic resolution is always the most difficult to part of a story to anticipate in anything but the broadest strokes. generally, my thinking here is informed by a few key tenets of my reading of the story so far:

i think the grimm do have souls, and that being grimm is not what's wrong with salem or a problem that must be solved

i do not think any currently dead characters will be brought back to life, but we may see one or more of them return to a new life

i think remnant's cycle of life and death will settle into a form of reincarnation that is like ascension but not the same (transcendence)

i do not think that salem, cinder, or ozma will die by the end of the story, but i am unsure about summer rose

i think that the huntsmen academies are a failed institution that will have no place in the world anymore, but that the identity of a "huntress" or "huntsmen" can be reclaimed and changed into something better

i think the story is building to a positive ending that refutes the idea of "happily ever after;" it will feel like a hopeful new beginning.

specifically on that last point, ozpin's afterward in fairytales of remnant tells us what kind of ending we should expect:

No one is guaranteed a happy ending, but the tales told about Remnant and its people do hold a bittersweet promise: who we are and what we do are important enough to be remembered and shared. We exist. Our existence means something. Stories will survive longer than all of us, but through them, we may continue on. So, rather than “And they lived happily ever after,” I favor a more honest and hopeful closing: And they lived.

in terms of what impact the god of light ascending might have (aside from the obvious of removing the existential threat he poses to remnant), i don't think there will be any. this world—remnant—is not the world he and his brother created, and hasn't been for quite some time. the god of light only mattered at all because ozma believed he did.

(this relates to why i think it will be easy to beat him, in the end. remnant is not his world; he did not create these humans, and he has no real power over them. it matters—i think more than symbolically—that his promised day of judgment needs to begin with humans inviting him to come back to adjudicate.)

so, remnant will change because its people decide to change it. how?

if i am right about the grimm being a kind of people, the story cannot end in their destruction and the huntsmen academies must be reckoned with as an institution of war, not protection. the resolution that i find most likely is that grimm will still present a danger, but with the explicit possibility of peaceful coexistence between humans and grimm. 

the huntsmen academies as they were do not belong in a world where humans, faunus, and grimm can live in harmony. but lasting peace doesn't happen overnight, and as ozma is learning in the aftermath of the great war, it isn't enough to sign a treaty and then sweep every new conflict under the rug. it takes real cooperation and hard work and trust and honesty. 

i think this is what huntsmen and huntresses will become after this war is over: mediators between humans and grimm. the bridge, not the bulwark.

and this is why i don't think salem will die at the end of her story. the grimm need someone who will advocate for them, and humans need guidance in navigating peace with their ancient enemies. salem has already begun to do this in a limited way—she taught cinder and summer how to communicate with grimm. and if i'm right about her historical identification with the faunus, she may have already done this once before, long ago. 

so,

i think salem and ozma will both get what they've always wanted: ozma's curse will be broken and her exile ended, and they can come together again. salem will be more involved in the effort to rebuild and renew, partly to atone for her violent destruction of the old order but mostly because she wants to build a new world. whereas i think ozma will let go and take a step back to focus on his own healing and figuring out what he wants to be and who he really is without the weight of the world on his shoulders.

cinder, i think will end the story at a point where she has found peace with salem and made peace with her past through that reconciliation, and is ready to close this chapter of her life and open a new one. she can't stay in salem's shadow forever; she needs to leave the nest and find herself. my feeling is that cinder's arc will probably have the most open-ended resolution out of the core cast, although i do think that she will keep the arm and (unlike a lot of cinder fans!) i'm not convinced she'll leave to go on a journey. 

her anger is righteous, even though her indiscriminate violence is not, and i don't think cinder will relinquish that anger as part of her villain -> hero arc—because she doesn't need to. instead, she'll find hope and hope will transform her anger into a driving constructive force. in the end, i think cinder will be VERY KEEN to have her say in what the world will be; what makes her evil now becomes what inspires her to be good.

summer… it depends a lot on who summer rose is now, after fourteen years with salem. i've seen the sentiment that if she is alive, she will have to die in the end because her absence and ruby's grief are so central to the story that it would undercut the story's theme for her to be "given back," but i do not agree with that at all. summer being alive now doesn't change the fact of her absence or the pain she left behind—just recontextualizes it. her heroic death is revealed as a profound betrayal. she left to join salem. 

will ruby or yang even want her back, once they know that? can they forgive her? does it matter why she did it? what happens if ruby wants to reconcile with her but yang does not—or vice versa? how does summer feel, as their mother and as their adversary? what about her relationship with cinder, whom she may well have known for longer than she knew her own children?

i think it might go either way, but i err on the side of thinking that summer will live and be on civil terms with her children and teammates but not reintegrated as part of the family. given her experience as a former huntress and salem's general, she might become a teacher or otherwise be a part of establishing peace between grimm and humans. 

ruby, i think, is probably not going to know what to do with herself after they actually somehow did the impossible and saved the world. figuring that out is half of what ruby/oscar is for but i doubt she'll really grasp that there is an "after the war" at all until it hits her. and then what? i think, out of all the characters in this story, she and oscar are the ones who are most likely to just leave for a while. they're the youngest, and they're "special" in ways that multiply the weight on their shoulders (silver-eyed and ozpin's heir). moreover, ruby enjoyed the trip across anima and has expressed a desire to go exploring several times; likewise, oscar wanted to see more of the world than his farm but has so far been prevented from doing so on his own terms.  so i think they might set out on a journey just for the sake of it.

winter, raven, and obviously cinder are the endgame maidens. i am pretty confident about that. 

also, this might be going against the grain—i don't know—but i don't think the maiden cycle is going to change in any significant way. i also don't think ancient magic will "come back" or the maidens will cease to be or anything like that. the idea that the maidens are innately harmful or burdensome is silly; the problem is the dehumanizing system ozpin built to control the maidens, and that will be dismantled. then they can just… exist for themselves.

i think weiss is going to return to solitas and rebuild mantle—not atlas, mantle. obviously not by herself, but she is taking the loss of her home very hard and her guiding motivation has always been a determination to define herself apart from her father and redeem her family's name and legacy. math.

similarly, it seems pretty open and shut that the bees will get what they wanted from the beginning: blake comes into her own as an advocate for the faunus and bridge between cultures, specifically in a manner that involves a lot of traveling with yang. her fierce ambition and focus answers yang's lack of ambition (and complete comfort with being a supporter and cheerleader for her loved ones) in a very complementary way. again, math.

i think the ending i'm most curious and uncertain about right now is jaune's. what they did with him in V9 was really interesting and very specific, and also took a turn in a direction that has been making me go hmm in the back of my mind periodically. i wish he'd been in the second rwby x jl movie even just for one scene so that i could have a sense for where he's at emotionally in vacuo. 

he's important for the ozlem reconciliation and narratively intertwined with cinder in a way that almost but doesn't quite feel like the set up for an enemies-to-lovers romantic arc and the weiss/jaune flirtation in V9 is followed by what seem to me to be clear narrative signals against that pairing too. weiss, jaune, and cinder all repeat salem and it's striking to me that all of them refract the tower in similar ways: weiss is her own knight-in-shining-armor, jaune wants to be "the hero," and cinder fights her way out alone in pure desperations. 

possibly there is a point being made here about what the hero tells the girl at the end of 'the girl in the tower': "all you needed was a little help, but in the end you freed yourself." even in the fairytale that is not really true and i think there is perhaps a thin line between giving salem agency and misrepresenting the tower as something she did not, in fact, need saving from—and thence ozpin's rather bizarre insinuation in commentary that the girl might have been an evil manipulator all along.

and then we have cinder (the abused child who truly did free herself, alone) trying to kill weiss (the abused child who, like salem, had agency in her own escape but needed serious help to achieve it) to hurt jaune (the "damsel in distress" who dreams of being his own hero). and in V9 jaune stagnates until he resembles ozpin more than salem and it's weiss who helps him find himself again. it's an interesting suggestion of what might be going on in salem's head, if nothing else.

but there's also jaune's simmering resentment of ozpin and his outburst lashing out at oscar in V6, which makes his corruption in V9 particularly interesting. it's about changing perspective and gaining insight that leads to greater empathy and forgiveness but who for whom? jaune for ozpin certainly, but whether it foreshadows salem coming to understand ozma better or the other way around or both i'm not sure.

i think it will start to clarify quickly enough once we get to V10. a lot depends on where jaune falls emotionally once the dust has settled. the guilt he feels about penny and alyx have risen to the surface and being able to save neo was not nothing but those decades festering haven't just disappeared, and he'll be dealing with this guilt in conjunction with ruby's and winter's and pietro's grief. it's easier to be cynical, but he has his friends again, but he's experienced horrors none of them can fully grasp…

much to think about. 

assuming gillian asturias is a significant player in the vacuo arc, i think she and jaune are going to be narratively linked… somehow. their semblances are mirrored, his lineage of warriors reflects her claim to royal heritage, her absolute devotion to her brother matches his absolute devotion to his friends, she was a prodigy who dropped out and he cheated his way into beacon. there is a lot of really obvious potential for character foils here. 

[findmeinthefallair]

I could ask about Hunter for days on end but I'll try not to be annoying so anyways what would Hunters first day alone after everything happening be like? Like everyone is busy with their own thing for the day and he's left alone with his thoughts or just without his friends.

Yo ask me about the boi any time, any year, any century 🤩🤩 It's not and never will be annoying at all :D This post can go nicely with the meta I pinned to this blog (link to that meta here).

I think that will be the day when the only task he carries out is literally getting rest. No talking to anyone, no helping out with rebuilding the Isles. Just taking his mind off the rebuilding efforts, because he was instructed by his found family to do so.

It's hard to tell how soon he'd have this much alone time, but it may take a few weeks.

That day would also be a more stretched out version of this very short moment he had alone in For the Future:

Except...he was numbed out enough in this FtF scene to still talk to Flapjack without breaking down, as if Flapjack were still there physically, without seeing the reality that his palisman was gone. Trauma and grief are so weird like this: he can see in his rational brain that yes his best friend is absent, but his heart takes a longer time to even become aware of that fact.

There would be a difference later on because he certainly wouldn't be numbed out forever. He would freak out more and more as he gradually thaws out, finally emotionally/psychologically seeing that Flapjack just isn't there anymore. This freaking out would translate into anxious self-destructive desperation which isn't too different from decisions like this:

where he goes against what others want from him.

So imagine versions of this behavior, while the Isles started to heal from Belos's regime and while he puts in effort to help with this rebuilding and reformation.

I also wonder if this day of him being alone arrived before or after the grimwalker graveyard was discovered.

Because oh my Titan..if it only happens after the discovery, he would've been carrying a heavier emotional load before the dam finally burst. Cue, this meme I put together the other month to show just how heavy a load he was shouldering:

He shouldn't have to shoulder all this horrible stuff alone, but he'll want to do that in the early days to not trouble anyone. He must be "useful", not incompetent, nor a burden or inconvenience.

It's quite challenging to tell what state he may find himself in once that day arrives. But! There are possibilities of what happened leading up to a scene like that.

#1:

Maybe he went overboard with his autopilot "I Must Be Useful" mode of making sure he helps others (at the expense of himself), and it ended up with others having negative reactions towards him: especially since the others also have their own versions of trauma and triggers from everything that happened.

An example could be Gus snapping at him, asking to be left alone, and later regretting how he said it.

Hunter's "I wanna help!" mode would be in overdrive, because he is desperate to avoid the most painful feelings within. To the point that he may annoy those around him, cross other people's boundaries, get into their space against their consent. And his found family would make their feelings of annoyance known.

Except this time (because Belos has passed away)..instead of telling himself he must be useful to please Belos and thus belong to a "family"...he would be anxiously telling himself the same thing to psychologically distance himself from thinking of Flapjack's absence.

He would be subconsciously going for whatever is self-preservation, not with the intent of hurting others, but because subconsciously he's wanting to look out for himself and deal with his pain.

Very interestingly, he ordered people around in his old life as the second most powerful person on the Isles, so...that habit might come back.

So there can actually be a fine line between the genuine "I wanna help!" and his old persona of "I order you to do X!", especially when he's subconsciously working so hard to keep away from the most painful emotions. Moments like that could lead to him not being himself, and would create some tension in his relationships.

He has gone into Bark Out Orders As the Golden Guard mode to protect himself before:

And it may happen again in a different context, where he wants so much for the trauma to make sense that he may cross a line with his found family.

It would get complex, coz obviously his found family doesn't want to hurt him, but they may have to be firm with him and tell him he has issues that he is not confronting and facing. They would be pestering him to slow down and rest, since he would've been used to being in overwork mode most of his life. But he initially would not understand how that would help things along. Them setting boundaries like would leave him initially feeling worse, but it's the needed step to set him on a better trajectory.

It's easy to picture heated conversations within the Hexsquad whereby morale is low, they say things that they regret, some of them may storm off, and they'd have to give it some time before patching things up a bit later. It has sort of happened before:

#2:

We also have the presence of palismen around him, and what his responses to them might be.

He'd look at Luz, Amity, Gus and Willow with their palismen, and be aware that he is now without his own best friend. I don't think there's a bigger reminder of his absent best friend than other smol creatures around him:

Ohmygod did this silly red birb creature appear again offscreen to haunt the boi:

We have seen him strongly react to reminders of Flapjack. When other palismen tried to get close to him, trying to connect with him:

he couldn't handle it.

It disturbs me that he went to the other extreme - hoping and begging for Belos to just appear already -

so that everything that happened would make sense to him. Because in his head, fighting back and getting revenge is a way better feeling than that pain which he is desperately not wanting to feel.

Luz's immediate reaction to seeing the suffering palismen in Hollow Mind:

is the kind of emotional space that Hunter would be entering into at a much slower pace (because yay, trauma brain moves more slowly...to protect itself the best it can), as he processes the guilt and the shock of what Belos made him do.

-------------------

It would be so hard for the poor boi, because he wouldn't be able to clearly understand what he's going through and why. There'd just be autopilot reactions, and avoidance and defenses until he burns out and simply can't avoid the worst of the pain anymore.

But I think once those conflicts have happened enough times, he'd shift to being fully honest with himself.

The unavoidable depression he falls into will really start manifesting once he's no longer numbed out and protected from the worst of thoughts brought on by his trauma, e.g.:

Flapjack is gone. Flapjack isn't coming back.

I wasn't strong enough to stop him from dying.

I don't deserve Flapjack ever finding me in the first place.

I don't deserve the gift he left behind for me and I am unfit for it. (interestingly, he sort of said something along similar lines before:

after which a breakthrough with Darius happened)

I think the most "core" of them all would be this rigid belief:

I can only ever do harm to others instead of helping them. (similar to what Luz went through)

What's twisted is this was what Belos's true intentions for him were. In a way, Belos won. For a time.

Dark thoughts like this would hit him in full force if he's alone without other people to provide any distractions. He might still try to keep them at bay but he will run out of steam after some time.

And I think he would sink into depression, believing in this, once he just becomes too tired to even help others anymore. And he would be able to see that and not deny it anymore, especially if others have negative reactions towards his offers to help them.

This belief that he cannot possibly offer love to others is a contrast to his palisman-carving future self who is spreading love and life, giving each person a friend.

By that depressing point in his arc, he would only be able to start helping others again once he begins helping himself and allowing others to step in and help while he rests.

At the same time, he wouldn't have been able to reach that scariest emotional place earlier because it would've been too much. He wouldn't have been able to handle it, which is why numbing out like this:

has been his mind's way of protecting him, putting on a Band-Aid, and cushioning the initial impact of the trauma. To delay the worst of the pain until later. But that Band-Aid would have to be ripped off at some point.

What I in fact hope for him when that day finally came around is that he ended up not being alone after all. He might have had a breakdown alone, but I actually hope that the palismen were nearby to end up keeping him company.

Having some moments alone with them would be so good, since other people being around may actually interrupt the process of him moving into the worst of the pain (a necessary step for his arc).

Maybe he tried one last time to push them away and resist their attempts to initiate connection with him. But he would give in.

The palismen could say that they also miss and mourn Flapjack, and maybe Hunter would even feel this grief coming from them. Maybe they even directly expressed to Hunter that it was not his fault at all:

and he'd have a massive cry, the full uninterrupted version of his very first reaction to Flapjack's absence:

I really hope it was cathartic for them all.

That's the toughest crossing over into a new chapter if you've been traumatized: you can't move into the new emotional place and have a breakthrough, without venturing into the most unpleasant of the emotions first. The discomfort of such emotions can feel like it may kill you, which is why avoidance is what happens after trauma happens.

Perhaps it was a version of this:

Just replace Luz's "You're family now" with the palismen whispering something like "You aren't alone in this"/"It's not your fault, you are loved".

He has thawed out of that numb armor before:

and he can do it again. This time without any other people around, just him with the palismen. Palismen represent emotions and connection, after all!

Having the palismen be alone with him like that (to help ease him into that emotional release and breakthrough) would make sense in terms of the narrative, lore and worldbuilding, because it could clearly point towards the main theme in his future, and also show us an opposite of what he was known for in his introduction:

After all, the first part of his final speech to Belos was about wild magic and palismen.

In this breakthrough we could see a shift: being physically touched by the palismen would start becoming something cathartic for him, and no longer purely terrifying or triggering. Even after giving them away in his old life, which I'm sure they're aware of...they still want to connect with him and show love!

I don't think he could begin learning under Dell's mentorship until he had this breakthrough. He'd freak out too much in the carving workshop before he experiences a release like this.

Trauma is a lot about the stuff you don't want to see, but which you need to see in order to grow into the person you want to be deep down. That stuff may be too much to look at in the beginning, and people often can't make the step to look at it without the help of others and a safe environment.

Extra note:

There's a reason why I haven't referenced the 5 Stages of Grief at all in my Hunter metas, and it's because that concept has been going out of favor over the years. It was created as far back as 1969 to help terminally ill patients, but it got out of hand over the decades and people misunderstood it as a universal experience for every person's grief when in fact it's not necessarily like that. It sets too many unhelpful expectations...so I don't reference it at all. It's more or less outdated now.

[dangerously-human]

Never, ever over anything about The Necklace Scene. (What, really? The one you changed your blog name for, for the first time in a decade? Shocking, I know.) I've got too many thoughts pinging around at high speed to really trace them all, but here's my attempt to nail down a few:

In response to Lockwood's attempt at reassurance ahead of what they know will be, in one way or another, The End, Lucy tells him, "I trust your Talent and your leadership." The two things that have caused so much tension between them, on both sides. That's a lot of what Lucy left over at the end of The Hollow Boy, what Lockwood went out of his way in The Creeping Shadow to show her, that he did trust her Talent and her decision-making. And here, Lucy's returning the favor. It matters, a lot, that she believes in Lockwood's leadership. That's been a huge area of growth for him throughout the series, and it says she'll follow him not just because she loves him, but because she truly believes in where he'll lead.

But then she adds, "It's the way you seem to be enjoying this that I can't quite understand," and that gives Lockwood the chance to explain himself, to reveal how his outlook has changed so much for the healthier in recent days. Lucy trusts Lockwood but she does not 100% trust his motives, and here he is finally able to admit openly to what's been driving him, the nihilism and depression - and to say that he isn't making the heroic call this time, he's not dragging them on a suicide mission, he's found meaning in the grief and he's only going to take them down this path as a last resort. Which allows Lucy to put her full faith in him at last, to take that final leap, to know that wherever he goes, she'll follow, and vice versa, and they don't have to second-guess each other anymore.

I could write essays, plural, on the necklace itself and what Lockwood was thinking when he set that aside to give to Lucy in this moment - I'm thinking a LOT about it in the context of the next chapter of Not Even a Doorknob Between You, hint hint - but right now, the thing I'm crying about is that it's gold. Do you get what that means? That gorgeous post comparing the two necklaces lives in my head rent-free, the one with the commentary about "one because you can die and one because love will not" (I'm badly paraphrasing some of the most beautiful meta I've ever read), and I'm sure there is more to be said here than I could ever put words to, but one necklace saves Lucy's life, saves all of them, from ghosts, and that's lovely but it's even more powerful that the other can't do that at all. It's beautiful for beauty's sake, it's gold, it's offering her a future, it's saying, "Even in a world at peace, where we are not in battle together, I want to be at your side. Whatever brought us together, whatever's next, I'm here with you. I love you." And for two people who've spent their lives running from the past and fearing the future, to take a gift from the past and turn it into a promise for the future, whatever that looks like - to hold out the chance at forever, together - that's the kind of thing that imprints on your brain for all of time, okay!! "It couldn't be anything else," indeed!!

[ask-a-rare-person]

Is it age regression when your brain is fighting between the thoughts "I want to contribute to society and be a responsible adult" and "life was more fun when you had no responsibility so turn your brain off and ignore all your work and texts and scroll through posts about stuff from your childhood all day"

No, I would not say that. Age regression is when your mental age literally changes. Everyone feels that life witohit responsibility was awsome.

For example, I never ever want to return to my child hood. It was highly traumatic. I do not believe my childhood is worth missing or going back to, and yet I age regress.

Age regression is not just a passing thought or wish. If I were to describe how it feels to regress, I’d compare it more to an active way to clear out old emotion, create new memories one didn’t get to have during child hood, and/or to enter a state of deep meditation. Age regression can also be completely involuntary. I remember when I had a regression episode during school and I new that no one would notice so I jsut went to my next class bc I didn’t wanna miss school(I missed a lot of school taht year due to disabilty). Lo and behold it was the first day of a holecost unit, and god I wish I could have just stopped being regressed immediately. I also can struggle with basic tasks, and handling stuff like a hot kettle is very dangerous for me to do while regressed

The regressions that clear out old emotion or trauma tend to be intense episodes of crying, flashbacks, talking it out, and generally allowing stuff you don’t need anymore to drain from your system. It’s basically of like how crying it out in general helps you move through the same thing.

Regressions that are more “happy” like playing or entering a deep, meditative state of mind create new memories, and create an atmosphere of positive vulnerability and healing. Last summer, I voluntarily regressed every single night as a way to help me sleep and also show my little self that it is okay to come out and explores their self. Doing this nightly for months helped my little self dig up some good memories and truama I didn’t knwo I even had so I could deal with it.

I also got to have the opritunity for my little self to be a trans boy, nonbinary, etc. which is something I didn’t get to really “be” as a child. I didn’t have the opportunity to go by masculine/neutral name, pronouns, etc. and now I can create that for my little self so they don’t have to miss out on that.

Speaking of, I would compare my little self as different from me. I guess I would say regressing feels like having a literal child version of you piolet your body for a while while you can only passively spectate.

While I’m regressed, distant memories feel like they happened seconds ago and recent memories feel unreal and miles away. It can even be difficult to say I’m regressed to a trusted person bc it feels almost…too meta? Kind of like making direct eye contact with your god. It’s just…too powerful? Idk

I do tend to interact with “kiddie” stuff while I’m regressed, but that’s just because that’s what a kid would naturally do. Kids get bored, so does my regressed brain. I remember when I ran out of Pokemon episodes to watch during my nightly regressions and my little self refused to voluntarily come out agian for weeks bc now regression was “boring” 😑

Witch, honestly is a very kid thing to do

I hope I explained thsi well enough pleaee let me know if you have any questions