#i do love ketamine
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i dont care what anyone says, house saying he loves wilson after wilson ups his pain meds was for real to me. it just slipped out and house's unserious nature is the only thing that let him get away with it
#house md#hilson#love is a doing word but when you're in as state where you can't Do then saying will suffice#thinking about that scene and how we never saw house DIRECTLY after getting shot + recovering#like i for one will pretend that surgery drugs and ketamine means when he first woke up>#house was like uninhibited enough to be a little. ooc. a little goopy perhaps#and in this mind scene wilson is of course there when is he not#not only is he the best house wrangler but he'd be even needier post op#how on earth could wilson resist that it's like catnip to him
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nayyyy :p
#tw drugs#ketamin#ket#drugblr#sex and drugs#lines#k3t#special k#donkey dust#girls who do hard drugs#i love drugs#sniff#girls who snort#k hole
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you’re such a funny blog how do you do it (challenge you can’t say ketamine)
Years ago, near the end days, far from a life I call my own, I worked on the sabbath with a great one, days of labour with rugged whispers all the same to me now. His name is nothing but a blur but at the time it was everything, all I recall was his godlike disposition, and the way he whispered to me. He spoke of his hands that carried the broken bones of thousands, his face of oil that bled profusely from every orifice, far too many blackened holes to count, his shoulders the bore the weight of everything that he cannot speak of, and everything he cannot name. Though his name is gone, I call him the sole bearer of the mark of sacrifice, for he had nothing to give but himself in the end, and he is gone. And yet, his whispers have never left, I hear anything but words, and when I hear the oil drip and the bones carefully crunch, I still see him there in the fringe of my peripherals. I know he is gone and I have lived on far past the livelihood of my work in the creation of the end days. Though I am nothing like him, I will spare a glance downwards and see the oil drip, and I know what I must do to let his whispers live on.
#well I didn't say ketamine#does this answer your question or is it too specific#I love that this implies that i say ketamine a lot when I'm asking this#I said it like once but I love that you noticed#do I even tag this as malevolent I mean it's my malevolent blog so#malevolent#malevolent podcast#horror#horror podcast
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seeing the trd psychiatrist tomorrow and now that i have my ocd diagnosis i feel very confident in asking him to zap my brain (tms)
#please please please let it work#and then i can take stimulants#there were some really good effects but the ocd went from a 6 to a 9 and i cannot deal with that#please fix my brain mr doctor so i can fix my other symptoms. please please#adhd and ocd is such a brutal combo. what do you mean my brain is underactive and overactive at the same time#what do you mean treating one makes the other unbearable#my dad was originally suggesting ketamine like father no i’m an alcoholic and i would love doing ketamine#that would be a terrible idea and i know myself too well#i can find addictions in places you wouldn’t believe#also ket would do nothing for the ocd but honestly that’s secondary to not setting myself up to have another addiction
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anyway whatever. im whining AGAIN because i get #triggered when im truly reminded of how much of an ugly retarded loser freak incel i am. blah blah everyone is so tired of this and of me but this is my blog and i can bitch and moan all i want.
#in a few months (i need to save up to pay something off asap) i will buy ketamine and dmt maybe#id love to do shrooms again esp since i actually have some but ive not had the house to myself in ages and my room is a shithole mess. lol#maybe I will take up my aunt's (who's living with me) offer to help me clean and pick up my room#and use that as motivation. so i can actually trip in a nice ish environment if im gonna keep to my room
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no 🧔?
why are u bullying me
#asked#anonymous#can u find me a bearded man then#like do u only just make fun of my loss#i keep thinking abt my dead drug dealer that i fell in love w while i was buying meth cocaine & ketamine from & stayed & did the meth &#ketamine but i was also rolling on both coke & mdma on the way there & HAD BEEN THE ENTIRE DAY ANYWAY#literally had a coke float that’s what i call putting the cocaine back in coca cola i’m not even kidding#i drink it w a straw#ALSKALSKLAKLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKA#MAKES IT FIZZ LIKE A BITCH U GOTTA DRINK A LIL FIRST THEN PUT IT IN#i’ve been sober from hard drugs & alcohol all year so far#it’s been 10 days#jk it’s been longer idk the true total rn
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me when people hate on aos trek:

#starlight fandom#starlight trek#LOOK I KNOW THEY AREN’T GOOD MOVIES THEY WERE IF MARVEL HIT STAR TREK WITH A BASEBALL BAT BEHIND A CLUB#BUT AOS GOT ME INTO STAR TREK IN THE FIRST PLACE OKAY IT HAS A PLACE IN MY HEART FOREVER#AND IT’S NOT AOS!JIM’S FAULT THAT THEY WROTE HIM BAD I ACTUALLY THINK ITS REAL INTERESTING#TO SEE A VERSION OF JIM KIRK THAT’S TRAUMATIZED AND FUCKED UP AND DIDN’T HAVE A FATHER AND YET HE STILL ENDS UP COMPASSIONATE#HE STILL ENDS UP A LEADER AND KIND#like fr tho that’s a fascinating concept#how much things may be different and how Spock!prime broke the timeline by melding with aos!kirk#and Kirk still ends up kind and loving and beloved anyway!!!!!#like I’m sorry they didn’t execute well until beyond and honestly I ignore stid entirely but it’s such a cool concept to me#and Karl urban as bones was so. SO. SO GOOD. he was perfect and deranged in the best way#Quinto-Spock I can take or leave but I do love me a bitchy Vulcan and he did have that#it’s okay to not like aos I don’t blame anyone for not liking it but I am so fond of it folks I truly am#and I’m not just saying that b/c the fic I’m writing rn for comfort and therapy reasons is projecting my current issues on aos!kirk#he’s just really to project onto and he looks like he’d benefit from ketamine treatment too and learning how to have hobbies w/o stress#anyway like I said I don’t blame anyone for disliking it or erasing it from their fandom memory#but it got me into Star Trek and I’m grateful and if ppl weren’t cowards aos!kirk would be so fucking fascinating in a feral way
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Went back to the indie cinemar to pick up my forgotten water bottle but they didn’t open for another hour…oh well lucky for me there’s always trespassing in the old disused trainyard from the halcyon days of domestic industry 👍
#i LOVE IT HEEEREEEEEEE#I feel elated this morning…#just reflecting on how I think I have the perfect sweet spot here of noname city with a thriving youth scene#like I can actually afford to live here (I’ll never buy a house but that’s a problem for later :-/ )#but there’s also such a vibrant scene of like dancing and hippie/grimy earthling activities…#this is all probably just last night’s ketamine and dancing talking but likeeeeeee I love it here!!!!!!#it’s so funny that I was like yeah I’ll move here for six months on a whim and then be on my merry way…#oops!#it’s such a mindset change like I’m starting to feel okay with doing scary commitment activities such as purchasing furniture establishing#continuous brew ferments allowing friendships to deepen and look for long term jobs EEK………#aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh#and there’s like a lot of people here who are starting to feel like a community? and I think they’re catching on to my weirdness and liking#me anyways…#next steps are finding someone willing to lead climb on natural rock faces. and asking some of my DJ friends for how to get started…#journal
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So I've been getting electro-convulsive therapy in an attempt to cure my depression and I've mostly fared okay but when I woke up today I had absolutely no idea where I was or what the hell was going on.
I also stopped to get coffee afterwards and the guy in the store asked me if I ever got my car fixed and I was like "what?????????" and apparently last time I was there my car wouldn't start or the key wouldn't come out of the ignition or something and he came out and helped me but I have no recollection of this so he probably thinks I'm insane. Which in a way I am or else I wouldn't have to undergo anesthesia and get my brain electrocuted multiple times.
#dot txt#i don't mind the whole experience tho#because i love anesthesia#i wish i could do recreational anesthesia#which i guess you could do with ketamine#but that could apparently cause psychosis in bipolar people and i'd really rather not
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i think one of the funniest things about me when taken out of context is that i was in a fraternity in college and then i got almost everyone i know to also join the fraternity. how do you reconcile that with literally anything else about me
#oh silly little gay frat how i love and despise you#i would love to try to explain to people what it's like but i simply can't. because it's not a Frat frat but also it is.#it's what happens when you have a house full of queers who grew up on steven universe but they ALSO do ketamine#so in other words absolutely fucking insane#n.txt
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send me money for sniff 🫧
#drugblr#ket#ketamin#sex and drugs#tw drugs#donkey dust#emo girl#girls who do hard drugs#girls who do pills#girls who snort#i love drugs#emo#uk#sniff#sn1ff#k3t#k hole#special k#white lines
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I wrote a shit ton of headcanons about drugs for Sam and Dean at work and I don't know if I should post it like are there people in my niche?? Do you care about them experiencing with psychedelics? Do you want to know why Sam loves ketamine?
#they should have done drugs in the show#i want this so bad#sam winchester#dean winchester#supernatural#and he loves ketamine because i do
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listening to you're on your own kid and taylor says make the friendship bracelets and im literally knotting and making a bracelet rn
#i know this is controversial because swifties love beaded bracelets but i prefer knotted bracelets#beaded bracelets are fun too tho#i just do a lot of knotting#also a little loopy because im at my ketamine appt
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I think it's kind of sweet and funny that my aunt (who is a therapist who works with patients with drugs like weed), after learning about my quick-onset debilitating chronic pain, suggested I try weed or ketamine for the pain. Like, she didn't pull a needle and joint out of her pocket, but she sat my mom down and gave her a lot of information to pass onto me
#as much as i complain about her i do love my aunt#when my mom told me my aunt had a couple ideas i jokingly said “weed ir ketamine?” and my mom said both#i burst out laughing lmao it was pretty funny#it IS her job and ive heard befor eof how well weed and ketamine can (separately) help chronic pain#it was very sweet! and also amusing that I was able to predict it lol#weed im more quick to try bc its not a fucking horse tranq but i still wanna talk to a couple doctors first lol
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[Spy x Family ch. 109 spoilers]
I just finished the chapter as of two minutes ago, and I have to tell you, I am having the best time getting to use whip out my psychology degree again.
Good people of tumblr, allow me to introduce to you:
Capgras delusion
It's interesting that Melinda disclosed that she was a patient of the hospital before. It is no small feat to be admitted into psychiatric care - especially in a hospitalised setting. Psychiatric hospitals typically deal with very high-risk disorders and behaviours, with many patients being admitted to hospital either for their own safety, or for the safety of those around them.
What has this got to do with capgras delusion?
Capgras delusion is a very serious psychiatric disorder in which a person believes that someone very close to them has been replaced with an impostor.
It is not uncommon for sufferers of capgras delusion to believe that their loved ones have been replaced by aliens, a doppelganger, or a clone.
It can be from many causes: psychosis, schizophrenia, brain damage, neurodegenerative disease. In very rare cases there have even been documented unexepcted triggers such as ketamine, diabetes, migraines, and urinary cystitis.
And, crucially; it is not unheard of for sufferers of capgras delusion to be physically agressive towards the perceived impostor.
(Is that why she was sent to psychiatry before? Is that why she is estranged from Donovan and the children? Is that why she is kept under very close watch? Or is there something more sinister going on?)
From this chapter alone, I wonder if we will see a link between Melinda's delusion, and her past experiences. If Endo chooses to take the scientific route, we may see a history of physical abuse that resulted in brain damage, or a history of psychological abuse that made Melinda vulnerable to psychosis.
I would be really interested to see if Melinda's current way of thinking may have originated from having an initially loving relationship with Donovan Desmond, but she saw a sudden change in behaviour in him to become the heartless warmonger we now know him to be, which could have pushed her into this delusional belief.
After all, how could the man she fell in love with (conjecture), have turned into such a monster? The only explanation must be that Donovan Desmond is not the Donovan she knew, and just an impostor, right?
....Right?
#melinda desmond#sxf manga spoilers#spy x family spoilers#spy x family#sxf#sxf manga#spy x family analysis#spy x family manga#spy x family manga spoilers#sxf spoilers#and if Endo goes the sci fi route with REAL aliens#i will have an absolute fit#with endos deep interest in psychology there is no way in hell he is going to rely on aliens#if his other choice was relying on humans#melinda is crazy confirmed
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Curious about something you mentioned in your post last week, you said that in your opinion all drugs should be legal and I’m curious about how that would be a positive at all? Like I get weed bc it’s pretty harmless but when I think of drugs I think of cocaine and heroin, which have destroyed so many lives. If it was widely available wouldn’t that end up hurting more people than helping? That’s just my opinion but I’m curious on the other side
I do think all drugs should be legal. This is said knowing that addiction runs in my family and that the only reason my older sister is my *sister* is due to drug use and addiction. Otherwise she'd be my cousin.
Making drugs illegal does not stop people from getting high. It does not stop drug related crime. And it certainly does not stop drugs from tearing families apart.
Addiction is a symptom of a larger problem. Solve the problem and the addict problem goes away. Solve the addict problem and drugs stop ruining lives and destroying families and creating massive amounts of drug related violence. Places that have roled out decriminalization strategies effectively have seen an overall reduction in crime rates across the board, a reduction in recreational drug use, and a reduction in bloodborne illness like HIV. Creating safe needle exchanges as well as safe places to get high with medical staff onhand has also created a locale where very few people die from overdose.
Most people hear "decriminalize all drugs" and think I mean a free-for-all. I don't. I think the drug market should be regulated. I don't think you should be able to get ketamine or heroin over the counter at a walmart like you can get asprin. But I think it's time to stop putting people in jail for getting high.
My aunt tore her life and her family and her health apart for years while she was addicted to heroin. My sister, her daughter, needed to be removed from her care due to the amazingly bad choices she made as a mother due to her addiction and her prioritizing drugs over the health and safety of her daughter. My aunt has had multiple heart attacks from the damage the constant drug use did to her body.
My aunt is more than a decade sober and do you know why? It's not because she got a wakeup call when her daughter was taken away, because at the time she willingly and freely signed her over to my parents because that got her "out of [her] hair". It's not because she had a heart attack, because she went right back to it the moment she was out of the hospital. It's not even because she spent time in rehab and prison, because the moment she was out she was using again.
No, my aunt got sober because her life changed. She was put on a better pain management plan. She got out of her shitty marriage to her shitty husband. She completed some education to make her more hireable so she didn't have to rely on less than safe means of paying her bills. She reconnected with my sister and reforged their relationship once she was 18. She bought her own house. She found love with someone who didn't give a shit about her past and brought out the best in her.
My aunt was a deeply unhappy person. Heroin made life more tolerable for her. Until she couldn't tolerate life without it. Until she'd do anything, anything, to get her next high.
A lot of addicts are addicts because they are self-medicating for something else and their drug of choice has chemical properties that makes their brains crave it more. If you fix the "deeply unhappy" part, you create a healthier environment for that addict to take control over their life again. Without it, they are far more likely to continue to relapse.
Knowing this, why would I then want to add the threat of prison and jailtime- life-ruining things themselves- to an addict's list of concerns?
Look up rat park sometime. In the rat paradise, drugged water was freely offered, and occasional a rat here or there would take a hit or two, but rarely enough to even get high and almost never habitually. Addiction literally didn't exist even though the rats were taking addictive substances. But the rats in cages, seperated from each other, with no enrichment, crammed into small spaces and stressed to hell? Those rats took hit after hit after hit until they overdosed and died. The addict rats were deeply unhappy. The drugs were their only escape. The paradise rats had to be lured in with sweetened drugs to even consider and even then they rejected them. The caged rats did not need sweetner, even though the drugs made the water bitter.
If we can see such a stark difference in rats having their needs met vs rats experiencing isolation and stress, what would happen if we showed human addicts the same consideration?
I think a lot better results than continuing to jail deeply unhappy and desperate people for doing the only thing they can think of to cope.
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