#i do love ketamine
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Was at a party the other day, the kind where they take photos of you with all kind of props like wigs and funny glasses and cutout cardboard texts etc
Well I immediately spotted the one I wanted, big bold colourful letters, perfect for my anesthesiologist ass, so I immediately told the lady in charge of the photo machine that I want the one over there that says "ketamine"
The lady was like, what
Yeah so apparently the text said "cake time", the party being a child-friendly one...
The lady couldn't stop laughing for minutes while I was trying to explain to her that I drug people for a living and that's where the misunderstanding came from, so yeah, fun interaction
#medblr#disaster medblr club#i do love ketamine#as long as i am the one administering it to others#btw ketamine is a child friendly thing in anesthesiology so there's that too#but yeah i really should learn to read#and to proofread before speaking#drug mention
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
i dont care what anyone says, house saying he loves wilson after wilson ups his pain meds was for real to me. it just slipped out and house's unserious nature is the only thing that let him get away with it
#house md#hilson#love is a doing word but when you're in as state where you can't Do then saying will suffice#thinking about that scene and how we never saw house DIRECTLY after getting shot + recovering#like i for one will pretend that surgery drugs and ketamine means when he first woke up>#house was like uninhibited enough to be a little. ooc. a little goopy perhaps#and in this mind scene wilson is of course there when is he not#not only is he the best house wrangler but he'd be even needier post op#how on earth could wilson resist that it's like catnip to him
328 notes
·
View notes
Note
you’re such a funny blog how do you do it (challenge you can’t say ketamine)
Years ago, near the end days, far from a life I call my own, I worked on the sabbath with a great one, days of labour with rugged whispers all the same to me now. His name is nothing but a blur but at the time it was everything, all I recall was his godlike disposition, and the way he whispered to me. He spoke of his hands that carried the broken bones of thousands, his face of oil that bled profusely from every orifice, far too many blackened holes to count, his shoulders the bore the weight of everything that he cannot speak of, and everything he cannot name. Though his name is gone, I call him the sole bearer of the mark of sacrifice, for he had nothing to give but himself in the end, and he is gone. And yet, his whispers have never left, I hear anything but words, and when I hear the oil drip and the bones carefully crunch, I still see him there in the fringe of my peripherals. I know he is gone and I have lived on far past the livelihood of my work in the creation of the end days. Though I am nothing like him, I will spare a glance downwards and see the oil drip, and I know what I must do to let his whispers live on.
#well I didn't say ketamine#does this answer your question or is it too specific#I love that this implies that i say ketamine a lot when I'm asking this#I said it like once but I love that you noticed#do I even tag this as malevolent I mean it's my malevolent blog so#malevolent#malevolent podcast#horror#horror podcast
24 notes
·
View notes
Note
no 🧔?
why are u bullying me
#asked#anonymous#can u find me a bearded man then#like do u only just make fun of my loss#i keep thinking abt my dead drug dealer that i fell in love w while i was buying meth cocaine & ketamine from & stayed & did the meth &#ketamine but i was also rolling on both coke & mdma on the way there & HAD BEEN THE ENTIRE DAY ANYWAY#literally had a coke float that’s what i call putting the cocaine back in coca cola i’m not even kidding#i drink it w a straw#ALSKALSKLAKLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKA#MAKES IT FIZZ LIKE A BITCH U GOTTA DRINK A LIL FIRST THEN PUT IT IN#i’ve been sober from hard drugs & alcohol all year so far#it’s been 10 days#jk it’s been longer idk the true total rn
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
me when people hate on aos trek:
#starlight fandom#starlight trek#LOOK I KNOW THEY AREN’T GOOD MOVIES THEY WERE IF MARVEL HIT STAR TREK WITH A BASEBALL BAT BEHIND A CLUB#BUT AOS GOT ME INTO STAR TREK IN THE FIRST PLACE OKAY IT HAS A PLACE IN MY HEART FOREVER#AND IT’S NOT AOS!JIM’S FAULT THAT THEY WROTE HIM BAD I ACTUALLY THINK ITS REAL INTERESTING#TO SEE A VERSION OF JIM KIRK THAT’S TRAUMATIZED AND FUCKED UP AND DIDN’T HAVE A FATHER AND YET HE STILL ENDS UP COMPASSIONATE#HE STILL ENDS UP A LEADER AND KIND#like fr tho that’s a fascinating concept#how much things may be different and how Spock!prime broke the timeline by melding with aos!kirk#and Kirk still ends up kind and loving and beloved anyway!!!!!#like I’m sorry they didn’t execute well until beyond and honestly I ignore stid entirely but it’s such a cool concept to me#and Karl urban as bones was so. SO. SO GOOD. he was perfect and deranged in the best way#Quinto-Spock I can take or leave but I do love me a bitchy Vulcan and he did have that#it’s okay to not like aos I don’t blame anyone for not liking it but I am so fond of it folks I truly am#and I’m not just saying that b/c the fic I’m writing rn for comfort and therapy reasons is projecting my current issues on aos!kirk#he’s just really to project onto and he looks like he’d benefit from ketamine treatment too and learning how to have hobbies w/o stress#anyway like I said I don’t blame anyone for disliking it or erasing it from their fandom memory#but it got me into Star Trek and I’m grateful and if ppl weren’t cowards aos!kirk would be so fucking fascinating in a feral way
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Went back to the indie cinemar to pick up my forgotten water bottle but they didn’t open for another hour…oh well lucky for me there’s always trespassing in the old disused trainyard from the halcyon days of domestic industry 👍
#i LOVE IT HEEEREEEEEEE#I feel elated this morning…#just reflecting on how I think I have the perfect sweet spot here of noname city with a thriving youth scene#like I can actually afford to live here (I’ll never buy a house but that’s a problem for later :-/ )#but there’s also such a vibrant scene of like dancing and hippie/grimy earthling activities…#this is all probably just last night’s ketamine and dancing talking but likeeeeeee I love it here!!!!!!#it’s so funny that I was like yeah I’ll move here for six months on a whim and then be on my merry way…#oops!#it’s such a mindset change like I’m starting to feel okay with doing scary commitment activities such as purchasing furniture establishing#continuous brew ferments allowing friendships to deepen and look for long term jobs EEK………#aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh#and there’s like a lot of people here who are starting to feel like a community? and I think they’re catching on to my weirdness and liking#me anyways…#next steps are finding someone willing to lead climb on natural rock faces. and asking some of my DJ friends for how to get started…#journal
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
So I've been getting electro-convulsive therapy in an attempt to cure my depression and I've mostly fared okay but when I woke up today I had absolutely no idea where I was or what the hell was going on.
I also stopped to get coffee afterwards and the guy in the store asked me if I ever got my car fixed and I was like "what?????????" and apparently last time I was there my car wouldn't start or the key wouldn't come out of the ignition or something and he came out and helped me but I have no recollection of this so he probably thinks I'm insane. Which in a way I am or else I wouldn't have to undergo anesthesia and get my brain electrocuted multiple times.
#dot txt#i don't mind the whole experience tho#because i love anesthesia#i wish i could do recreational anesthesia#which i guess you could do with ketamine#but that could apparently cause psychosis in bipolar people and i'd really rather not
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
son la 1:03 am y estoy cogiendo un autobús para ir a pillar para esnifarme toda esta pena que siento en el alma y que el dolor pase a ser más llevadero.
una raya y la vida se modifica,
mi mirada vacía que se llena de autopistas mentales que hacemos entre los dos tu apoyándome yo tirándome del coche en marcha. mi única motivación para salir ha sido la necesidad de consumir y no tener, de querer volver a sentarme en ese vacío tan cómodo que me deja la ketamina, en esa nube que dibuja con sus polvos mágicos.
una raya y todo pierde peso, se esfuma ante mis ojos y desaparece y solo estoy yo en la cama sintiendo toda mi pena pero de una forma reconfortante. sentir mi dolor desde la frialdad, llorando metiéndome la siguiente, buscando ese equilibrio que nada más me da, que nadie se atreve a darme, que no me atrevo a darme porque el problema soy yo. siempre fui el problema, por eso voy a comprar tiritas para este alma tan pequeña, buena y magullada.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think one of the funniest things about me when taken out of context is that i was in a fraternity in college and then i got almost everyone i know to also join the fraternity. how do you reconcile that with literally anything else about me
#oh silly little gay frat how i love and despise you#i would love to try to explain to people what it's like but i simply can't. because it's not a Frat frat but also it is.#it's what happens when you have a house full of queers who grew up on steven universe but they ALSO do ketamine#so in other words absolutely fucking insane#n.txt
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wrote a shit ton of headcanons about drugs for Sam and Dean at work and I don't know if I should post it like are there people in my niche?? Do you care about them experiencing with psychedelics? Do you want to know why Sam loves ketamine?
#they should have done drugs in the show#i want this so bad#sam winchester#dean winchester#supernatural#and he loves ketamine because i do
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
no offence but i am . so excited for when i get the hell outta this bumfuck state and can give myself my own t shots
#my butt HURTS lol#there’s one nurse who is such a sweetie i love her but. she jabs and i’m like you doooooont have to do that omgggggg#like i give IM injections to feral cats that want to kill me. and they don’t realize until i push the drugs and ketamine burns so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#but she’s so nice and there’s no good way to uh. correct your healthcare team member on their injection technique#anyway
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
listening to you're on your own kid and taylor says make the friendship bracelets and im literally knotting and making a bracelet rn
#i know this is controversial because swifties love beaded bracelets but i prefer knotted bracelets#beaded bracelets are fun too tho#i just do a lot of knotting#also a little loopy because im at my ketamine appt
1 note
·
View note
Text
I think it's kind of sweet and funny that my aunt (who is a therapist who works with patients with drugs like weed), after learning about my quick-onset debilitating chronic pain, suggested I try weed or ketamine for the pain. Like, she didn't pull a needle and joint out of her pocket, but she sat my mom down and gave her a lot of information to pass onto me
#as much as i complain about her i do love my aunt#when my mom told me my aunt had a couple ideas i jokingly said “weed ir ketamine?” and my mom said both#i burst out laughing lmao it was pretty funny#it IS her job and ive heard befor eof how well weed and ketamine can (separately) help chronic pain#it was very sweet! and also amusing that I was able to predict it lol#weed im more quick to try bc its not a fucking horse tranq but i still wanna talk to a couple doctors first lol
0 notes
Text
I wanna be crazy I wanna lose my shit I wanna be manic without the panic I wanna blow up I wanna become a star I wanna be God I'm already God
I want to rip my organs out see what I'm made of I want to bring myself back to life I want to fucking kill myself I want to bleed just everywhere
I want to bash my brains into the wall I want to feel rapture I want to go to heaven on earth I'm already close
I want to be high all the time with or without drugs I want to be absolute bliss; euphoria.
#let me die let me die#let me die or let me take all the drugs im so#i would literally chop off my left nut for some alcohol and nic and narcs and speed#and probably heroin#ketamine#just to see what it feels like#i already love opioids#thats a dumb thing to say but is it really?#im fuckijg losing my grip with reality anyways#all this stress has made me hypo(?)manic#or some shit#why do i feel like my brain is ribbon unraveling#i forgot what it felt like to see this way#its just different#i prefer to be detached from reality like this#less tethered#maybe ill do something crazy#i know i cant because my system keeps me to the ground but without thwm i know id kill myself just for fun#or something#or nothing#maybe it means nothing and i mean nothing#but the good news for all of this is that im so detached it really doesnt matter#my system can go fuck themselves for giving a shit#if im nice i wont attempt on our life#im feeling generous#even gods die
0 notes
Note
hiii i love your writing sm and i was wondering if u took requests! If you do i was wondering if you would do a fic of thanos where him and fem reader both take the pills from and his cross and they have seggs and its js really rough and everything😇
ʜɪɢʜ ᴏɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇ
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮��𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬. 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 '𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬' 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭, 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐭.
ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ᴛʜᴀɴᴏꜱ (ᴄʜᴏɪ ꜱᴇᴜɴɢ-ʜʏᴜɴ) x ꜰᴇᴍ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ
Tw: SMUT, taking substances/drugs, under the influence type sex, swearing, dry humping, aggressive make out, lip biting, titty grabbing, mating press, missionary, spitting, hair pulling, unprotected sex (if you're gonna get silly, wrap your willy), reader has the implant or on the pill (either or), a bit of aftercare.
A/N: They weren't until now, I got better to do so, enjoy :D
Masterlist
ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏ ᴀɴʏ ꜰᴜʀᴛʜᴇʀ, ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ɴꜱꜰᴡ/ꜱᴍᴜᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ, ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪꜱʜ ᴛᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅ, ꜱᴋᴇᴅᴀᴅᴅʟᴇ, ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪꜱʜ ᴛᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴄᴇᴇᴅ, ᴛʜᴇɴ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ʀɪꜱᴋ.
That night, Thanos had come home a bit too excited. He quickly took off his shoes in the doorway and quickly ran to the bedroom. Where you were located. "Baby! I'm home and I got something!" He said, seen you lying in bed, scrolling through your Tiktok. You looked up at him, then sat your phone down onto the pillow and sat up. "What is it?" You asked, as he sat down on the bed, in front of you. He took out his cross. "I got it right here." He said, as you watched he opened the cross. Revealing pink, blue and yellow pills. "Candy?" You said, while looking at the colorful tablets.
"Nah baby, this isn't just candy. This is the good shit. Fucking crazy shit." He said, he was twitching with excitement. "What is it? Ecstasy? Ketamine?" You asked, as he took out a pink pill. "Even better than that. I call them, Infinity Stones." He said, making you roll your and playfully push him. "So what? Do you just swallow them or crush them? What?" You asked. "You can, but for much faster results. You chew them." He said, as he held up the pill between his fingers. "Open wide. Ahhh." He said, as he opened his mouth wide. You then opened your mouth, slightly sticking out your tongue a bit. You watched how he placed the pill on your tongue. You closed your mouth, then processed to chew on the pill.
It tasted just like any other pill, nothing real special. But the after taste tasted sweet, kind of like Pepto gum flavor. You wondered if Yellow and Blue had their own after taste. "I don't feel anything." You said, as you swallowed the now chewed up pill. "Just wait a few minutes, it'll kick in soon." He said, as he chewed his own pink pill. You hummed, then laid back on the bed, but as soon as your head hit the pillow. You felt your heart beat picking up. It felt weird, but calming in some way. Not only that, but your face began to heat up, as well as your body. Holy shit did that kick in fast. You suddenly felt all the adrenaline in your body kick in.
"Holy shit!" You said, as your eyes began to dilate. "Right? Crazy shit." He said with a chuckle, seen your rookie reaction. "I'm like, really hot." You said, as your took off the shirt that belonged to Thanos. All he did was chuckle, watching you take off his shirt. Now you laid there, with your shirt off. Not sure on what to do now, you just laid there, while Thanos just looked at you. With admiration in his eyes. You looked at him, lazily raising a brow. "Whatya looking at?" You asked, while Thanos ran his fingers up and down your stomach, slightly tickling your belly button. "Nothing, you just look cute right now." He said, making you smile and giggle, your face burning up a bit more.
The room grew quiet, both you and Thanos simply stared at one another. It felt like while, but only a minute passed. He then proceeded to lick his lips and smirk. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" He asked, while he somewhat crawled to you, now hovering over you. "Is it weird that I am?" You asked, while looking at him. Directly at his dilated orbs. He didn't even say anything. He leaned down and kissed you right on the lips. Without hesitation, you wrapped your around his neck and kissed him back.
You were basically eating each other's faces. Lips locking and teeth crashing against each other. As you kissed, you felt his warm hand get a hold of your left breast, giving it a good yet harsh squeeze, making you hum against his lips. You then wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer with your les. You felt his now rock hard cock slightly rub against your clothed cunt. You couldn't help but run a hand through his purple crazy hair, giving it a small tug, making Thanos groan.
That made him slightly bite your bottom lip and gently tug at the skin, having your wine underneath him. Spotting his name 'Thanos' inked into your skin. He remembered the day you got it tattooed. It was painful, but you loved it. He pulled away from your lips. Allowing you both to catch your breath. "It's so fucking hot." He said, he then took off the hoodie he was wearing along with the shirt underneath, in a quick manner. Almost desperate to strip. Once he was shirtless, he leaned back down and kissed you again. As you both kissed, you began to unclasp the small hooks of your bra. Then you'll the straps down your shoulders, exposing your breasts to the cool air. Immediately erecting your nipples.
The kiss was even messier than before. Your tongues were literally battling each other, desperate for dominance. Neither of you cared for that, you were far occupied on other things. As you both kissed, you felt Thanos beginning to grind his hips against yours. "Oh!" You moaned against his lips, feeling his hard cock rubbing against your now dripping pussy. You felt even more wetter than most times. What is it the drug or just the fact that Thanos was being slightly more rough with you. Whatever it was, it felt amazing.
Soon after, Thanos pulled away, then began to pull down his sweatpants and his boxers. You also removed the basketball shorts that you wore, which also belonged to him and you took off your obviously soaked panties. Thanos then grabbed your legs, spreading them and pushed down down to your shoulders. He then got right between your legs, lining his cock against your entrance. You shivered when you felt your folds getting caressed by his angry red tip. "What? Not gonna eat me out?" You teased. "No time, I need to be! Inside!" He said, thrusting his cock inside you. That harsh thrust made you let out a moan like scream. Normally, he'd finger you or eat you out before fucking you. But instead, he just went for it.
Thanos began pounding into you and into hard. It made the bed creak loudly and shake the same rhythm as his thrusts. He was going faster then normal, you had your arms around his neck. Holding onto him for dear life. You whined and moaned against his shoulder, as he continue to pound you, with no mercy. His cock was stretching your insides, it burned in a way, but it felt so pleasurable. It felt as if he was trying to split you in half, he easily could.
You then felt the back of your hair getting pulled, causing your head to tilt backwards. You moaned loudly as you felt your scalp slightly burn by the hard grip Thanos had on the back of your hair. Almost directly pulling at your roots. You looked at him, weakly, but the adrenaline and excitement was keeping you from giving up. "Open your mouth." He moaned, obediently, you opened your mouth as much as you could. With his free hand, he grabbed a hold of your chin and cheeks, making your mouth widen a bit more. Then he spat right in your mouth. That surprised you. He had never done that, not even suggested him spitting in your mouth before.
That was hot. You never thought you'd be into something so vulgar. Soon after, Thanos kissed you again, pounding into you as much as he could. All that could be heard in the room was your skin slapping against each other, as well as the bed creaking even more. "AH! FUCK!" Thanos moaned loudly, as he kept pounding into you. He moved your legs back down, placing them around his waist. He loved the way your legs would wrap around his waist. The way the tighten as you were closer to cumming.
As soon as he felt your legs tighten around his waist. He knew that you were about to cum. He looked down at his cock disappearing, he spat down at your clit. Then began to give you harsh clit harsh and hard rubs. Making you twitch by the sudden action. You threw your head back against the pillow and loudly moaned. Almost like a phonographic moan, except your moans were real and he knew it. "Fuck! I'm about to!-" Thanos moaned loudly, as he continued to thrusts and his fingers rubbed rubbing at a fast pace. You notice how he was going weak too, but he wasn't going to stop. Not until you and him came.
You then felt your insides explode, as you came. You let out a cry like shriek as your juices had released all over your body. You felt Thanos pumping his hot load inside you. As you tried catching your breath, you could still feel Thanos coating your insides with his cum. He dropped on top of you once he pulled out. He was beat and you knew it. He had his eyes closed as he tried catching his breath, while the side of his face rested against your chest. He was coated in sweat, as if he had come back from a run. You softly ran your nails down his damp back. Giving somewhat of a message. "You okay?" You asked, while Thanos just hummed. "Yeah, just beat." He responded, remaining in his current position. You continued your soft movements as he relaxed. You couldn't help but yawn, feeling tired. "I'm sleepy." You said. "Yeah, that happens." He mumbles. "Just sleep it off." He said, wrapping his arms around your waist, using your chest as a pillow. You were tired, like really tired. You closed eyes, as you continued to run your nails softly against his back. Until finally falling sleep. You loved it, hopefully you'll do it again.
#Choi Su-bong x reader#Choi Su-bong x fem reader#Choi Su-bong x y/n#Choi Su-bong x you#thanos x reader#thanos x fem reader#thanos x y/n#thanos x you#thanos squid game x reader#thanos squid game x fem reader#thanos squid game x y/n#thanos squid game x you#Choi Su-bong smut#thanos smut#female reader#female y/n#cereza's writing#cereza's smut#cereza's requests#cₑᵣₑzₐ'ₛ wᵣᵢₜᵢₙg#cₑᵣₑzₐ'ₛ ₛₘᵤₜ#cₑᵣₑzₐ'ₛ ᵣₑqᵤₑₛₜₛ#𝔠𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔷𝔞'𝔰 𝔴𝔯𝔦𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤#𝔠𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔷𝔞'𝔰 𝔰𝔪𝔲𝔱#𝔠𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔷𝔞'𝔰 𝔯𝔢𝔮𝔲𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔰
423 notes
·
View notes
Text
on one hand I am very glad that ketamine therapy has been helpful for my severe depression and anxiety and ptsd and whatever else is going on up there, and I’m grateful that it’s available to me as part of my treatment plan
on the other hand I’m not a huge fan of the payment for that help being a 50/50 chance every time of having a bad trip that unlocks some deep scary part of my psyche and then having to address all of that in therapy until the next trip
#starlight personal#ketamine has saved my life and also scares the fuck out of me tbh#like I went into this trip being all ‘love and kindness gotta be nice to myself’ and it went ‘yes BUT -‘#and shoved me off a cliff into years and years of repressed existential anxiety and reminded me that I’ve had that since I was Very Small#bro please I just want to not off myself I don’t need to be unpacking deep childhood trauma rn I’m trying to buy a house#how am I supposed to buy a house when I now have to grapple with Deep Pain being brought to light#I was going to talk about house anxiety in therapy this week but that has now been derailed for -#I Am Terrified of the Universe and Always Have Been and Do Not Know How to Cope With This When It’s Not Repressed#and I do truly believe if it came up in treatment that it means it’s time to deal with it and learn to handle it#but like…….. I would’ve liked to be asked#not just thrown into the scariest psychedelic trip of my life and then left to pick up the pieces#anyway this is all to say that I’m once again cursing my genetics for not letting SSRIs work and leaving me with psychedelic woo-woo shit#like what do you mean I can’t take a pill and ignore some of this deeper shit what do you MEAN I have to face it#ketamine is very I Will Shine a Light on the Things You Have Hidden Whether You like It Or Not For Your Own Good#thank you I guess but right now I’m a bit grumpy about it#on the brightside I am hopefully going to be less depressed for the next two months until it wears off again so we love that!!!#hahahaaaaaaaaaa it’s fine we’ll be fine this will be good for me in the long run#what’s peace like I wonder I’ve certainly never known it
2 notes
·
View notes