#i do like hearing from people i just. literally cannot respond

[kangmoon27]

I'll Never Leave Your Side || A Jeon Jungkook Oneshot

Pairing: Yandere Jungkook x obsessed Y/n

Warning: obsessed, threat, k'lls, smut

Summary: You love him, You were there for him, you never left his side and you will make sure that you'll be the one who will stick with him till the end

"You cannot leave."

"Get out of my way."

"No!! You're not leaving, you're not leaving me!!" Blocking his way. His eyes darken, he cannot deal with this right now. He needs to leave. He has to leave.

"Get out of my way Y/n." Warning you as he tried to walk pass.

You extended your hand both sides making him even more angry as he already is, he poked his inner cheek and walked past you. You grabbed his hand stopping him on his truck.

"You cannot leave, you're not leaving me, you will stay here." You glanced at him and stood by your words and didn't let go of him.

You groan as he forcefully removed your hand from his arm and turned his face around from you. Both arms wrapped around his waist trying your best to stopped him by hugging him from the back.

"Why?, why are you leaving me. I the one who stood by you, I'm the one who been here from the start. I'm the one who knows you better than anyone else. I was already here before her so why can't you chose me!!." Tears screaming down your cheeks.

"Let go, Y/n." His voice were firm. He's done playing this game. He pushed your hand away from him.

"I'm your fiance!! Why and how could you cheat on me with her!! Am I not enough?! Is she good in bed?!, does she suck your d'ck better than me?! Why?! Why her?! Am I not enough for you?!." Confronting him finally.

"Do you think I would cheat on you if you are enough?." Jungkook responded to your question.

"But why her?, I'm more and way better than her. I am the one who stood by you. I never left your side when she left you . I made a fool of myself just for you!! Why is it so fucking hard to love you!!." You cried Infront of him almost begging him on your knees

"I never asked you to love me". He replied.

"And I never asked you to hurt me this way." Falling on your knees crying as you watch him turn his heels on you and never looked back.

Holding your chest as you felt the pain so deep in your heart. Looking at the ring on your finger and cries. "It's me, it Is me who everyone wanted and it should be me."

"Jungkook."

The man looked as his father who just called out his name searching for reasons why he suddenly wanted to talk to him.

"I heard what happened last night, Y/n told us. You know you're forbidden to met that girl again." His father said.

"As I had guess, she will always try to find support from you and of course you would." The young man replied to his father.

"You're marrying Y/n, you're already old enough to know what should be done and not be done. You already know what's right and wrong." -Mr.Jeon

"You mean to your business? Of course. You cannot possibly like Ella for me since she wasn't born in weather like what you're craving for right father?." Jungkook smirk seeing his father lose his patients.

"You better watch your words young man, I bring you to this world, remember that."

"Something that I never asked you to do."

"Don't ask so tough now Jungkook, I'm the one who's covering everything that you've done, do you really think she can still love you after knowing you were the one who's behind the disappearance of those people in her life?." His father warning.

"You wouldn't do that or else you would lose your son."

"Try me, young man. Now go to your fiance and apologize."

"It's on you, if you want to continue the wedding then let's do it, if not then you'll be the one who'll find ways to stop it. I'm out of it." You said to his face.

"You literally told everything toy father and now you're acting like this as if I have a choice?." Jungkook chuckles hearing such a ridiculous thing from you.

"Just like I said it's on you." Turning your head away from him and he suddenly grabbed your hand and pin you on the wall his other hand wrapped around your neck, as he puff on his cigarettes.

"Are you playing with me right now?" He looked so pissed off, he came here to apologize and now you're doing something that he couldn't predict.

"I hate it when you play like this Y/n, it unpredictable, you've been acting as if you're the most obsesses person on this planet and now you're acting like you don't care?" Chuckles "dangerous."

He let go of you, you started choking after air finally open it passage through your throat, looking at him while holding your neck.

"You will make the decision, you know me , I know you. If you'll chose me, it should only be me, I don't wanna share."

Jungkook watch your figure disappear from his sight. Angrily throw the cigarettes and stepped on it. "F'ck!!"

Your eyes were close, your body couldn't feel anything anymore, he keeps pulling your hair as he keeps pounding on you from the back, you've lost count on how many times he comes.

It's your honeymoon but there is no sweetness, no enjoyment, no love, there's is no moon in the sky, it's all dark. Like a nightmare.

But you didn't care. You don't care about it as long as you can see him next to you. That's how fool you are and you know that.

"Fu'ck" Jungkook fall next to you, taking the handcuffs away from your wrist and throw it away. His lips couldn't help but to form a smirk seeing you all marked up by him.

"You're such a good wife, aren't you Mrs.Jeon?" His deep laugh gives you chill down your spine.

"You had so much fun with my body huh."

"Yes. If you will always be that behave, I might spare more time with you but of course I'm still Ella's you know that don't you?." Jungkook pat your head.

"That's the problem, then moment you told me you're marrying me, I had to take things on my hand, I told you I don't want share right."

Smiling at him as you stood up and open the door of your closet. Jungkook weakened, he felt his soul left his body seeing the woman he protected and loved l'felessly standing there.

"Don't worry I preserve it, I didn't k'll me her, it was her who did it, I just told her how you eliminate one by one her friends and family because you're so insane that you k'll'd those who get attention from her." You smirked

"She's so beautiful isn't she?, you should appreciate it, this frizzer is quite a fortune you know, it's my wedding gift for you my love" You kiss his cheek.

He grabbed you by you n'ck, you can see how his eyes were burning till he broke down and fell on the ground crying. Wrapping your arms around him and pat his back while Jungkook cried on your shoulder.

"I told you, I'm the who would never leave you. This is exactly what you are when she left you the first time remember. But for me I'll never leave your side My love."

Jungkook continue crying on your shoulder while comforted him.

[godblooded]

honestly i think the stupidest fucking creation that ever existed is ‘the great game’ or whatever the fuck halamshiral thinks i should buy into.

[txttletale]

Saw a tweet that said something around:

"cannot emphasize enough how horrid chatgpt is, y'all. it's depleting our global power & water supply, stopping us from thinking or writing critically, plagiarizing human artists. today's students are worried they won't have jobs because of AI tools. this isn't a world we deserve"

I've seen some of your AI posts and they seem nuanced, but how would you respond do this? Cause it seems fairly-on point and like the crux of most worries. Sorry if this is a troublesome ask, just trying to learn so any input would be appreciated.

i would simply respond that almost none of that is true.

'depleting the global power and water supply'

something i've seen making the roudns on tumblr is that chatgpt queries use 3 watt-hours per query. wow, that sounds like a lot, especially with all the articles emphasizing that this is ten times as much as google search. let's check some other very common power uses:

running a microwave for ten minutes is 133 watt-hours

gaming on your ps5 for an hour is 200 watt-hours

watching an hour of netflix is 800 watt-hours

and those are just domestic consumer electricty uses!

a single streetlight's typical operation 1.2 kilowatt-hours a day (or 1200 watt-hours)

a digital billboard being on for an hour is 4.7 kilowatt-hours (or 4700 watt-hours)

i think i've proved my point, so let's move on to the bigger picture: there are estimates that AI is going to cause datacenters to double or even triple in power consumption in the next year or two! damn that sounds scary. hey, how significant as a percentage of global power consumption are datecenters?

1-1.5%.

ah. well. nevertheless!

what about that water? yeah, datacenters use a lot of water for cooling. 1.7 billion gallons (microsoft's usage figure for 2021) is a lot of water! of course, when you look at those huge and scary numbers, there's some important context missing. it's not like that water is shipped to venus: some of it is evaporated and the rest is generally recycled in cooling towers. also, not all of the water used is potable--some datacenters cool themselves with filtered wastewater.

most importantly, this number is for all data centers. there's no good way to separate the 'AI' out for that, except to make educated guesses based on power consumption and percentage changes. that water figure isn't all attributable to AI, plenty of it is necessary to simply run regular web servers.

but sure, just taking that number in isolation, i think we can all broadly agree that it's bad that, for example, people are being asked to reduce their household water usage while google waltzes in and takes billions of gallons from those same public reservoirs.

but again, let's put this in perspective: in 2017, coca cola used 289 billion liters of water--that's 7 billion gallons! bayer (formerly monsanto) in 2018 used 124 million cubic meters--that's 32 billion gallons!

so, like. yeah, AI uses electricity, and water, to do a bunch of stuff that is basically silly and frivolous, and that is broadly speaking, as someone who likes living on a planet that is less than 30% on fire, bad. but if you look at the overall numbers involved it is a miniscule drop in the ocean! it is a functional irrelevance! it is not in any way 'depleting' anything!

'stopping us from thinking or writing critically'

this is the same old reactionary canard we hear over and over again in different forms. when was this mythic golden age when everyone was thinking and writing critically? surely we have all heard these same complaints about tiktok, about phones, about the internet itself? if we had been around a few hundred years earlier, we could have heard that "The free access which many young people have to romances, novels, and plays has poisoned the mind and corrupted the morals of many a promising youth."

it is a reactionary narrative of societal degeneration with no basis in anything. yes, it is very funny that laywers have lost the bar for trusting chatgpt to cite cases for them. but if you think that chatgpt somehow prevented them from thinking critically about its output, you're accusing the tail of wagging the dog.

nobody who says shit like "oh wow chatgpt can write every novel and movie now. yiou can just ask chatgpt to give you opinions and ideas and then use them its so great" was, like, sitting in the symposium debating the nature of the sublime before chatgpt released. there is no 'decay', there is no 'decline'. you should be suspicious of those narratives wherever you see them, especially if you are inclined to agree!

plagiarizing human artists

nah. i've been over this ad infinitum--nothing 'AI art' does could be considered plagiarism without a definition so preposterously expansive that it would curtail huge swathes of human creative expression.

AI art models do not contain or reproduce any images. the result of them being trained on images is a very very complex statistical model that contains a lot of large-scale statistical data about all those images put together (and no data about any of those individual images).

to draw a very tortured comparison, imagine you had a great idea for how to make the next Great American Painting. you loaded up a big file of every norman rockwell painting, and you made a gigantic excel spreadsheet. in this spreadsheet you noticed how regularly elements recurred: in each cell you would have something like "naturalistic lighting" or "sexually unawakened farmers" and the % of times it appears in his paintings. from this, you then drew links between these cells--what % of paintings containing sexually unawakened farmers also contained naturalistic lighting? what % also contained a white guy?

then, if you told someone else with moderately competent skill at painting to use your excel spreadsheet to generate a Great American Painting, you would likely end up with something that is recognizably similar to a Norman Rockwell painting: but any charge of 'plagiarism' would be absolutely fucking absurd!

this is a gross oversimplification, of course, but it is much closer to how AI art works than the 'collage machine' description most people who are all het up about plagiarism talk about--and if it were a collage machine, it would still not be plagiarising because collages aren't plagiarism.

(for a better and smarter explanation of the process from soneone who actually understands it check out this great twitter thread by @reachartwork)

today's students are worried they won't have jobs because of AI tools

i mean, this is true! AI tools are definitely going to destroy livelihoods. they will increase productivty for skilled writers and artists who learn to use them, which will immiserate those jobs--they will outright replace a lot of artists and writers for whom quality is not actually important to the work they do (this has already essentially happened to the SEO slop website industry and is in the process of happening to stock images).

jobs in, for example, product support are being cut for chatgpt. and that sucks for everyone involved. but this isn't some unique evil of chatgpt or machine learning, this is just the effect that technological innovation has on industries under capitalism!

there are plenty of innovations that wiped out other job sectors overnight. the camera was disastrous for portrait artists. the spinning jenny was famously disastrous for the hand-textile workers from which the luddites drew their ranks. retail work was hit hard by self-checkout machines. this is the shape of every single innovation that can increase productivity, as marx explains in wage labour and capital:

“The greater division of labour enables one labourer to accomplish the work of five, 10, or 20 labourers; it therefore increases competition among the labourers fivefold, tenfold, or twentyfold. The labourers compete not only by selling themselves one cheaper than the other, but also by one doing the work of five, 10, or 20; and they are forced to compete in this manner by the division of labour, which is introduced and steadily improved by capital. Furthermore, to the same degree in which the division of labour increases, is the labour simplified. The special skill of the labourer becomes worthless. He becomes transformed into a simple monotonous force of production, with neither physical nor mental elasticity. His work becomes accessible to all; therefore competitors press upon him from all sides. Moreover, it must be remembered that the more simple, the more easily learned the work is, so much the less is its cost to production, the expense of its acquisition, and so much the lower must the wages sink – for, like the price of any other commodity, they are determined by the cost of production. Therefore, in the same manner in which labour becomes more unsatisfactory, more repulsive, do competition increase and wages decrease”

this is the process by which every technological advancement is used to increase the domination of the owning class over the working class. not due to some inherent flaw or malice of the technology itself, but due to the material realtions of production.

so again the overarching point is that none of this is uniquely symptomatic of AI art or whatever ever most recent technological innovation. it is symptomatic of capitalism. we remember the luddites primarily for failing and not accomplishing anything of meaning.

if you think it's bad that this new technology is being used with no consideration for the planet, for social good, for the flourishing of human beings, then i agree with you! but then your problem shouldn't be with the technology--it should be with the economic system under which its use is controlled and dictated by the bourgeoisie.

[rueclfer]

expecting you // shouto todoroki

a/n: based on a thought i had a couple weeks ago about shouto falling for one of touya's nurses <3 smau at the end bc i cannot resist hehe -> literally geeeekingggggg

shouto is quick to catch onto patterns as well as fall into them. it's one of those things that had been ingrained in him from a young age that he can't seem to shake off now as an adult.

"observe, figure them out, know their next move. c'mon shouto. get up."

he has the bus times memorized and recognizes the faces of the people waiting with him. he remembers and greets everyone working the midday shift at his favorite soba shop. he's apart of their routine as much as they are to him, so of course they'll already have his usual order ready as soon as he comes in. they always pack extra, but he knows better than to argue, so instead, he lets them send him off with a "see you next week" and a reminder to "make sure touya eats it all so he can get big and strong."

it's always a fifteen minute walk from the soba shop to the rehab facility, and he doesn't bother checking in at the front anymore. he nods a hello to the security guard and goes straight to touya's room.

this has been his weekly routine for the past five years.

shouto's eyes zero in on the glossy checkerboard pattern of the facility's floors.

white. blue. white. blue.

he knows it takes him about fifteen of each to get to touya's room at the end of the hall, but he counts in his head every time.

from outside of his door, he hears your exaggerated groan that if the door was open, he was sure it would've echoed down the hallway.

"no, you don't get it," you huff, "it's the favoritism. that's why sensei won't write me a recommendation letter."

"you're probably right. you are kinda annoying," touya responds.

it takes shouto a long time, a year at least, to hear anything but venom in his brother's voice. right now, he didn't have to see touya to know that he had a smirk on his face with that delivery.

you just had that effect on people.

as if on cue, your voice rang "shouto should be here by now," right as he clicks the door open.

"and there he is," you quip, "another minute and i would've called the cops."

"can't i ever be a little unpredictable?" shouto scoffs with a slight smile.

such a hypocrite.

he expected that eye roll. he knew you would shrug and cross your arms across your chest. it's comforting in a way, to know someone so intimately just from observation and fleeting conversations, because even though you're teasing him about his strict routine, you don't even realize how predictable you are.

while shouto sets the takeout on the counter to unpack its contents, you grab the arms of the chair and push yourself up onto your feet.

"alright, you guys have a good lunch. i'll stop by and say bye before i leave for the-"

touya groans and cuts you off, "you do this shit every week, stupid, sit down and eat with us."

"no, because if i sit here and eat with you guys, you're going to talk and talk and talk and not get any rest before group therapy."

touya deadpans.

"does it looks like i need a fucking nap before spending an hour listening to some losers vent about their lives?"

"yes?" you cock an eyebrow "aren't you pushing thirty? the elderly need their sleep don't they?"

"says the twenty something with no social life." touya bites back.

a dramatic gasp leaves your mouth.

"shou, listen to what your brother is saying to me." you jokingly whine.

"don't get me involved," he shoots you a playful side glance, "you're having lunch with us. for the sake of your social life."

"shut up." you mutter, the corners of your mouth quirking into a shy smile. he waits until you sit back down in your seat before holding out a bowl of soba for you to take.

"i have to argue with you about it, but when he offers, you don't say shit?" touya complains with a mouthful of soba.

"duh? why would i listen to your rude ass when shou's so sweet?"

shouto bites back a smile and takes a seat at the end of touya's bed, scooping a mouth full of noodles in his mouth, watching you do the same.

"y/n, did you even pack a lunch for yourself today?" shouto starts after finishing his bite, "or do you love having us beg for you to stay and eat?"

you're quiet for a moment, sucking in your cheek to suppress the sheepish grin and defeated chuckle that would eventually break through.

your eyes trail up from your bowl of soba to lock shouto's, hoping that the heat crawling up your neck hasn't blossomed across your cheeks.

he doesn't look away, but instead cocks an eyebrow with a sly smile. he already knows the answer.

-

shouto leaned against the doorframe waiting for you to complete the last of touya's update forms before clocking out for the day.

"someone's gonna take over for me and take you to therapy in a few, okay?" you say, scribbling in the last few notes.

"the cute one?" touya asks.

"mmmmm no, i don't think she's working today."

touya groans, "fuck my life."

"down bad." you announce, receiving an unsavory gesture from touya's prosthetic hand as you pretend to make a note of it on the clipboard.

you tuck the board under your arm, collecting the various papers and notebooks sprawled out on the counter before shoving them into your school bag.

"see you in a couple days. cross your fingers for this recommendation letter." you take one last scan around the room.

"offer still on the table if you want me to forge one for ya."

"how generous. i'll let you know when i get desperate." you laugh.

shouto holds the door open with his back, raising a hand to say his goodbyes.

"see you next week, touya. maybe this weekend with natsuo and the kids."

"see ya. walk y/n to their car alright? your daddy didn't raise an animal."

shouto rolls his eyes with a half-hearted chuckle, looking back one last time to nod a goodbye before the door closes behind you two.

"the cute one is in fact working today." you say with a proud smile once you've skipped further away from the room.

“oh?” shouto quickens his step to catch up beside you, “why lie then?”

“just setting him up to feel a lot of excitement later,” you shrug. “i think being a long-term patient and living the same days and routine over and over again can feel kinda gray and muddy, so it’s nice to be surprised every now and then don’t you think?”

rei’s face flashes in shouto’s mind for a moment and he thinks back on the first time he visited her in that old living facility. unlike her during that time, touya still has a gleam in his eyes- a faint spark despite all of these years.

“y/n.” shouto says after a moment of silence, pausing in the middle of the hallway.

“hm?”

you stop and turn back to see him bowed at a proper 90 degree angle with his hands flush against his sides.

your eyes widen, “shou? what are you-”

“thank you for taking care of my brother, thank you for being a friend to him...” he trails, “...and to me.”

shouto didn’t know when would be an appropriate time to straighten up. he stared down at the white and blue tiles at his feet as he silently prayed for the heat prickling the tip of his ears to dissipate before coming face to face with you again.

“you’re being silly,” you break the tension with a breathy chuckle.

shouto snaps back up, the apple of his cheeks flushed from the blood pooling to his face.

“i’m not. i need you to know that i’m grateful.”

“you don’t have to thank me, shou,” you continue your walk back to the nurse’s station with shouto following close behind “i hardly do anything- i’m not even a nurse, you know? not yet at least. i think it’s funny that i got hired on because of your stubborn ass brother, but even if i wasn’t tied to a payroll, i’d still be here. you guys are my friends too.”

you keep your pace quick- always one step in front of him with your head hung low. there wasn’t much you could do to mask your blush. your face was burning hot, and this hallway was only so long.

“well, if you’re not going to accept my thanks, then let me treat you to lunch.” he leans against the counter as you round the corner behind the desk.

“you treat me to lunch every week,” you laugh.

“it would just be you and me.”

your fingers pause over the keyboard as you’re typing in your employee code. you look up from the screen and meet his eyes with your smile faltered and mouth slightly gaped open. 

“just you and me?” you repeat.

he nonchalantly nodded his head as his hands were sweating through the front pockets of his pants. 

shouto had gone out one on one with classmates and friends before, and he was sure that an outing with you would be like any other dinner, but there was a twinge of anxiety sitting in his chest as he waited for your answer.

i think something’s wrong.

well thank god i’m surrounded by nurses…and you.

“i mean, if he wants, we can put in a day pass request for touya and invite the other siblings. i just thought…” shouto sheepishly scratches the back of his neck, not quite sure what it was that he thought. “...that we…i…”

a year ago when you were just a student looking for volunteer hours, touya gave you an in-depth run down of each family member “just for when you have the misfortune of meeting them. don’t fall in love, alright? mr. perfect has that effect on people.”

it wasn't until now, with shouto's flushed cheeks, chewed bottom lip, and avoidant eyes that you understood what his brother had meant.

you’ve never seen the todoroki’s golden child, as touya liked to describe him, stumble over his own words before. you watch him pause for a moment to search for the right words, panic settling in behind his gaze as his eyes flicker between his twitching fingers tapping against the counter and your own.

“you and me, then.” you confirm, breaking the silence as the corners of your mouth lift into a shy smile.

“yeah?” he says with a sigh of relief.

you reach over, pulling a pen out from its holder and lean over the computer. you click the pen and grab shouto’s hand before scribbling your number in the soft flesh of his palm.

xx - xxxx - xxxx -> y/n :P

“also, my classmate’s picking me up today for a study session, but to keep touya’s word, i’ll make you walk me to my car next week,” you wave shouto off with a wide grin as you begin to walk backwards towards the exit, “text me, okay?”

shouto glances down at the numbers adorning his palm, still feeling the point of the pen digging into his skin. he looks back up at you. his mouth is slightly gaped open, but nothing comes out. with the same palm, he holds it up, waving you goodbye until the automatic doors close behind you.

you turn around one last time to see shouto walking off in the opposite direction towards the other exit with his palm held out in front of him and his phone in the other, making sure to have your number saved before the ink smudges away.

“so predictable.”

-

mha tag: @lotuslovers @babylambdietcoke @0skullyard0 @kaldurahms-lover @commonmisery @moonstonejpg @twoplayergaymers @simp-plague @xvilluis @haruhi269 @starliightfiend

shouto tag: @bitchyfestivalbouquet

[cleoselene]

since the internet doesn't get it and apparently never took a political science class or an economics class:

American political liberalism is not the same thing as economic liberalism or neoliberalism

burn that sentence into your brain PLEASE. I learned this in literal Intro to Political Science.

Neoliberalism is a system of unfettered free-trade global capitalism that favors markets controlling prices and basically everything

American political liberalism is defined by a dedication to principles like free speech, civil rights, bodily autonomy. John F. Kennedy put it rather succinctly:

"If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal," then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal."" -John F. Kennedy

like i know words have lost ALL meaning and people have no desire to learn but this has been frustrating me for literal years.

Also, I spent all of my formative years hearing conservatives use "liberal" as a pejorative. JFK's quote was responding to that, decades before I was born. The fact that the left uses "liberal (derogatory)" just shows how well Conservative Propaganda has seeped into the culture. I refuse to drop the identifier because the definition has not actually changed. I believe in all those things in the JFK quote. I believe in a state that uses institutions to do what markets cannot. I fully support every socialist program this country has put in place. Because I am a liberal.

If you want to use "liberal" as an insult from the left -- congrats, you are falling for propaganda. If you want to call me a "neoliberal," well, you just sound fucking stupid? I don't believe in unfettered free market global capitalism.

[itsclydebitches]

Still thinking about "Dot and Bubble."

Specifically, I'm thinking about how the racists of FineTime aren't just written to be cruel and entitled, but downright childish too. Lindy - in a move that dovetails nicely into the episode's commentary on social media - has the attention span of a toddler, going on and on about how boring work is even though, from what we're shown, she doesn't have to do anything other than sit there and socialize, which is presumably what she'd be doing if she didn't have to work, right? But since this is something she has to do per orders of the gross old people, she complains. "You're no fun!" she yells at Gothic Paul, the only one in her group taking a mature stance on this issue (and, notably, the only one with a very small number of subscribers).

Lindy lacks the maturity and critical thinking skills we would expect from someone her age. Again, this is definitely a layer of the social media side of the episode's thesis, but she nevertheless demonstrates a kind of emotional dysregulation that's usually only seen in younger, developing children. Lindy does not think for herself and cannot adapt to changes in routine/the way things are "supposed" to be. When told a fact - the police are unavailable - Lindy repeats, "but I really need the police" over and over as if her need is going to magic up a change in reality. She parrots rules and rejects them in equal measure, driven solely by her current desires: "We don't do that [lower the bubble]."/"I can do whatever I want!" She moves from disgusted to infatuated to angry in the blink of an eye, with her anger characterized by childish outbursts and language: "Now shut up I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" When faced with something life-threatening, Lindy's response is to a) distract herself (by watching Ricky) and b) find a hiding place. Even taking her terror into account, she responds to these situations like someone far younger would. If I cover my eyes the bad thing disappears. If I hide under the bed, I'm safe.

And of course, Lindy's body is monitored in the way you would a child's. She's constantly watched by others, both her peers and, presumably, by the Homeworld. She's told when she needs to use the restroom which for me was VERY evocative of a parent speaking to their potty training child, trying to get them to articulate when they need to go by informing them of when it's most likely. Hell, Lindy literally can't walk without the assistance of this AI parent.

Yes, there are plenty of moments that evoke the very stereotypical, entitled teenager - talk of "partying," bragging about clothes, being obsessed with the guy online - but even more, I think, evoke the child. When Lindy plays the recording of "Mummy," smiling shyly at the praise before throwing out the kind of insults you'd expect to hear on an elementary school playground - "You're stupid" - she reads like she's a kid. Which is a hell of a commentary on her racism. The episode doesn't say that Lindy is literally a child (she's not, she even snaps as much). The episode also doesn't try to claim that being childlike equals harmless (quite the opposite). But equating racism with a childish, dangerously inept, can't-even-walk-or-use-the-bathroom-by-herself white woman... damn if that's not a statement.

[little-miss-fandom-freak]

Jayce Talis x Goth!Reader

Here's the 2nd Goth!Reader story as promised, Dr. Phosphorus' is on the way!

The two of you met while he was in the Undercity buying parts for his newest project.

You were a regular in Benzo's shop, selling anything you found while you were out scavenging. You were in the back, looking for something in particular for a project of your own. When you came from the back, Jayce digging through a box of power converters.

"Whos this guy?" You asked as you walked behind the counter.

Ekko shrugged. "Some topsider."

When he finally found the one he needed, Jayce dropped it in his box and slammed it on the counter.

"How much for all this?" He asked.

Ekko looked at you, then back at him. "Um... let me look."

As Ekko looked through the box, the Jayce's gaze drifted to you. You were too busy going through Benzo's knick-knack box to notice, but he was completely infatuated with you. So infatuated, he didn't even hear Ekko tell him the accurate price. When Jayce didn't respond, Ekko took advantage and doubled the price. Jumping out of his thoughts, Jayce quickly paid, and as Ekko happily scurried away, Jayce kept his eyes on you.

Feeling his gaze, you looked up at him through your lashes. "Can I help you?"

He looked almost startled when you acknowledged him. "Oh-um. I was... um... I-I was just... uh, I wa-wanted to say you... you-you look... nice."

You couldn't help but chuckle at his flustered self. "Thanks. Not so bad yourself, Topsider."

"To-Topsider? How-How'd you- I mean, what? Me, top-topsider no! No I'm not..." He realized he wasn't convincing you at all.

You laughed once again. "You're funny. I like that."

"You-You do?" He couldn't believe his luck right now. Grabbing you supplies, you walked around the counter with a pen in your hand. You pulled his hand twords you and wrote down your information on it and without another word, you left.

♡ Your first date with Jayce was to the History of Piltovian Technology Muesum. He felt a little embarrassed by it at first but was thrilled to find out how much you loved it.

♡ He doesn't quiet understand Goth culture (He's the type of person to call anyone wearing a lot of black Goth), but he tries

♡ He builds you little robot creatures and gifts them to you randomly (holiday or not)

♡ Your dynamic is literally the "He asked for no pickles" meme

♡ Let's you practice new makeup styles on him. It sounds since until you realized he cannot sit still at all.

♡ You're basically known around the university pretty early on as Jayce's scary girlfriend.

♡ People think Jayce is haunted after the one time you spent the day on campus with him and Viktor. Several students reported a ghost sighting that day.

♡ Speaking of Viktor, the two of you got along like a house on fire

♡ Being that you both grew up in the Undercity, you both had a similar thought process.

♡ Despite the chaoticness of the two of you, he loved seeing his best friend and lover get along.

♡ He also introduced you to his mom not even a week into dating (even she felt like it was a little early, but she welcomed you with open arms)

♡ Kinda thinks your a witch because of all the "potions" he finds you making (theyre just medicines and face creams)

♡ If you don't live with him, he will visit you almost every single day.

♡ But if you do live with him, or at least stay at his place the most, he will let you have full control over decorating. He's a scientist, not an interior decorator. The most "fun" thing in his apartment was a dead plant on the kitchen windowsill.

♡ Loves wearing your jewelry.

♡ If you're missing a certain ring or bracelet, there's a 99% chance Jayce took it before when left that morning. (He says wearing it feels like having you there spiritually)

♡ One day, he had you meet the Kiraman's. And you were a nervous wreck.

♡ Not only were they Jayce's sponsors, but they were close friends with him, and you didn't want to ruin it.

♡ When Jayce caught you dumbing down you outfit to one thst was more casual, he FREAKED out.

♡ He hated that you felt the need to change yourself. "If they can't see past the makeup, then they're sad for just assuming who you are without even getting to know you." (He made you cry, thank God you didn't have any makeup on)

♡ Caitlyn was a little scared of you, but eased up when she saw the look of pure love in Jayce's eyes everytime he looked at you.

♡ He bases a lot of his designs around you. This lead to many if the Hex-Tech machinery having Gothic-like designs.

♡ He tries so hard to get involved in your intrests, but he doesn't understand it.

♡ Pre-Time jump Jayce gets very sick when it comes to any level if gore, so horror movies were out. He didn't quiet understand the appeal of Goth music, but he loved seeing the way your face lit up when you would explain the song or the band to him

♡ When Jayce left with Himerdinger and Ekko to investigate the Hex Core, he ran into you. He tried his best to explain everything, and he knew you didn't understand but just being able to air it all out calmed him down.

♡ You were already late for work or else you would've went with, so instead you have him your black cuff. It was his favorite because he had a matching pair that was his house colors.

♡ And good thing you gave it to him, it was the only thing that kept him mildly sane when he was in the other timeline.timeliness. He would spend hours just staring at it, trying to hold on to the memory of you

♡ When he got back, the first thing he did was try and find you. When he did, he couldn't help but kiss you until your black lipsticks rubbed off of you and onto him.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I hope you enjoyed this and if you have anything you would like me to personally respond to, message me or put it in my ask box because as of right now, Tumblr won't let me respond to comments :)

[darlingdaisyfarm]

Ngl, the last post about Fords grief and readers' resurrection involving bill. Had me thinking, and I know it's been a few minutes to an hour, but like, what if Ford built the reader back together like with bills help. Frankenstein ykkk

Anyway, kisses to the writer💋💋💋💋

wait... i like this one !!

tw: gore, body horror, unsettling imagery

Ford is a man of science before anything else. when he can’t fix something emotionally, he turns to intellect, to mechanics, to the physical work of repairing what’s broken. and when it comes to you, someone he loved deeply, someone he lost so suddenly, he cannot accept that you are gone, Ford refuses to. that’s not how he works. problems have solutions. everything is fixable.

it always starts with a very bad deal. a deal Ford once swore he’d never make again, but grief makes fools of us all.

“oh, sixer, my old pal, u know i love a good science experiment! you and me, back in the lab, building a whole new body for your dearly departed? talk about a fun little project!”

Ford hates him, he grits his teeth and tries to keep his face calm, he hates him with every cell in his body. but he hates this emptiness more. so he doesn’t protest and doesn't argue. just tightens his jaw and listens.

because there’s a way, Bill says. there’s always a way. but a body doesn’t just come from nowhere. a body needs parts.

and Ford has never been squeamish.

a sticky, congealing blood between his long fingers, crusting beneath his dirty nails. Ford doesn’t mind, he barely notices. there is so much to do, so much work.

it starts with the bones.

you were gone too long for preservation. what was left was ruined, unfit, wrong. so Ford makes new ones. it takes weeks of scavenging, collecting and constructing. some are yours, some are not. some are carved by his own hands, whittled down into the exact shape they should be.

Ford does not let himself think about where the others came from. he doesn't want to ask Bill, because Bill talks too much and says very dumb, not funny jokes.

"y’know, i gotta hand it to ya, sixer, most people don’t literally build their dream partner! or, uh— rebuild! ahaha!"

Stanford works by lamplight, shaping the ribs with the precision of a mad sculptor, measuring the length of your femurs against the sketches he’s made in his notes. he has so many notes. . . pages and pages of you, blueprints of who you were. what makes a person? what makes a mind? how does one recreate the intangible?

“trying to make them better this time, huh? aw, don’t look so guilty, i think the new jawline is an improvement!”

muscles next, Ford knows. sinew and tendon and ligaments pulled taut, stretched over frame, sewn and stitched. his hands are always slick, stinking, reeking of blood and chemicals and whatever this is that he’s doing. but he keeps talking to you. he doesn’t even notice when he starts.

“rhis will hold. ive reinforced the fibers, should be stronger than before. . . don’t worry, dear, i’ll be careful, i won’t hurt you.” you are not there. but he speaks as though you are, because it’s easier that way. “i love you”

“c’mon, doc, ya barely even flinched that time! i’d say you’re gettin’ used to this, but,” Bill leans in. “we both know you’ve always had a knack for butchery.”

Ford does not respond.

the limbs are harder. muscle grafts, nerve splicing, making sure the hands will still be warm when they hold his own. Ford works tirelessly. he stops counting the hours.

he talks to you while he works. “you always hated the cold,” he says, securing the connective tissue in your fingers. “i’ll make sure your circulation is strong, my love.“

and the face. the face is the worst, because it has to be perfect. it has to be you, it has to be right. so when the first few attempts aren’t, when the eyes are wrong, when the skin sags, when the expression is empty, he rips it apart and starts again.

“oooh, this is beautiful,” Bill coos. “y’know, i never took you for the sentimental type, IQ! you’re really putting your heart into this one!”

Ford does not respond, his hands and gloves are covered in blood and trembling, but he does not stop. because this is what he wanted. you are here. in pieces, yes, but pieces can be put back together.

skin is the hardest part.

it took him so long to get the consistency right. synthetic materials failed. grafts failed. he had to learn. he had to practice. but the color is still wrong, waxy, veins mapping out too blue beneath the surface. Ford swears under his breath. fucking shit. he brushes his thumb over your knuckles, watches the way the flesh gives. too soft, too artificial.

Ford does not cry, not when the stitches split. not when the first attempt collapses in on itself. not when your new skin sloughs off in sickly, wet ribbons and he has to start over again

but at some point, careful becomes desperate. methodical becomes messy. you are not coming together right

Ford's hands shake, he is muttering again. something is missing, something is wrong. your skin won’t knit properly, your chest cavity won’t close, your spine— your spine won’t—

Bill floats beside him. “what’s the problem, doc? run outta parts?”

Ford’s breath is too fast, his fingers twitch, vision blurry, but whether it’s from exhaustion or the copper stink of the lab, he doesn’t know.

“i—“ he chokes on the words. “i just need more.”

“say the word, Fordsy.”

“please, Bill, please.” when Ford blinks, there is more on the table.

Bill watches and laughs. “y’know, i’ve seen a lotta desperate guys do a lotta desperate things, but this? wowza! this one takes the cake! and you didn’t even ask what the price was!”

Ford’s hands tremble as he reattaches your arm for the third time.

"you think they'll want this, sixer? think they'll wanna wake up like this?”

Ford doesn’t answer. he keeps working.

it is days before he is done, Ford doesnt know what day it is, what month, what year. time exists only in the number of stitches, the weight of the scalpel, the way your stitched, reconstructed body lies motionless on the table.

you look like you. almost. almost.

Bill is staring at you. for once, he is not laughing.

“so, you want me to fire up the ol’ brain-box or what?”

Ford swallows. his throat is raw, lips cracked from dehydration, huge dark eye bags under his tired eyes. he just nods slowly.

Bill snaps his fingers. “one mind, comin’ riiiiight up!”

Ford is too desperate so he immediately reaches for your hand, for the warmth that should be there. the proof that this was the right choice, that he did not just ruin you. your fingers curl around his, but they are too strong in their grip. your eyes are unfocused, glassy

something is wrong.

[inez-winchester-cameron]

omg pls write more of what you just posted of rafe with that age gap it's sooo hot 😭 like something about the reader being bratty on purpose and sassing him

cw: dark!rafe x younger!reader, 29 and 19, non-con/rape, drug use, intoxicated reader, talks of free use and public sex, abusive relationship

note: is this too dark, yes or no

rafe HATES when you disobey at parties. ever since you two have started dating, you have a bad habit of misbehaving at parties to get more attention from rafe. whether that be overdrinking, snorting coke, smoking weed, or flirting with other guys. all of these being things that you KNOW rafe disapproves of.

tonight, it happened to be a mix of all of them. you went to the restroom and came back to rafe talking with one of his ex girlfriends, sofia. you completely being oblivious to the fact that he was telling her off. you huff and head back into the room where topper and kelce sit.

they're doing lines and drinking, sitting on opposite sides of a loveseat.

"hey, y/n, have a seat," topper politely greets you, gesturing to an empty chair beside the loveseat but you smile and sit inbetween topper and kelce. they give eachother a look but say nothing.

"whatcha guys doin?" you ask, looking over toppers shoulder as he sets up a line.

"coke, nothing you should concern yourself with."

"yeah rafe would kill us if he knew you were anywhere near this," kelce comments.

"hes too busy bein up sofia's pussy to care. can i do a line?"

kelce and topper both look at you at this comment, a little shocked. they knew rafe and how loyal he was to you, he never even so much as entertained another girl.

"you saw him up her pussy?" kelce asks, confused.

"well no but- it doesnt even matter, just let me do a line."

"sweetheart i dont think-" topper starts.

"pleaseeeeee?" you beg, giving him puppy eyes.

topper sighs and glances to kelce who shrugs. eventually topper responds, "okay fine, sweetie, but you cannot tell rafe."

"i won't, promise! ill even pinky promise if you want!"

topper stares at you for a moment, finding your innocence both endearing and hot at the same time. too bad you aren't his. topper sets up a line for you and gently guides you onto your knees in front of the table. he gives you the dollar bill and guides you as you snort it. you let it sit for a minute, not feeling anything, then it hits. and you want more.

"again!" you say, looking at topper, feeling your brain begin to buzz.

"yeah no i don't-"

"what the fuck are you doing?"

your eyes shoot to the doorway. rafe stands there, arms crossed, hair messy, blood on his knuckles, and he looks pissed.

"rafey!" you greet him, trying to pretend you didn't just snort cocaine. you stand up, swaying, and subsequently falling back onto the couch.

"what the fuck guys?" rafe questions, walking over to you. he looks pissed, "how much did you give her?"

"just a line, man, she asked for it. quite literally," kelce speaks first and topper agrees.

"i didn't know you don't let her do that man, im sorry-" topper defends himself and rafe shakes his head, calming down a bit.

"nah you're good, man. it's her fault. come on, princess, we have some business to discuss." rafe says through gritted teeth, roughly grabbing your arm and heading to his room. once you're upstairs and away from people, he starts scolding you, "what the fuck were you thinking? you know so much better than that."

"you were talking to Sof-"

"yeah i was telling her to go suck a fucking dick. then i beat the shit out of her boyfriend for calling you a whore. but maybe he was right, you don't think about anyone but yourself, huh? always just assuming. saw the way you were staring at top." rafe speaks with no sympathy and you two slip into his bedroom. he presses you down onto the bed, holding your hands behind your back as he flips your little skirt up, "no panties? you fucking serious? god what is wrong with you? you stupid little whore."

you hear his belt unbuckle and your head continues buzzing from your high. soon enough, you feel his cock, pushing into you. it's immediately too much.

"rafe-! no no no-"

"don't tell me fucking no, bitch. act like a whore, get treated like one. maybe i should've just fucked you downstairs," rafe starts, setting a fast pace with his thrusts, not hearing any of your protests, "or maybe i should tie you up down there, let all these drunk men use your holes since you wanna disobey. i think that's a fair punishment, huh? i try to be nice and defend your honor and you make eyes at two of my best friends. fucking bitch."

"rafe i didn't- i don't want this- stop!" you beg but rafe doesn't care. he simply tugs your hair in response as you start crying. your head is pounding and it's all too much.

"that's it, cry for it, bitch. this is my fucking pussy and i'm gonna use it when i want. now whine one more time and i'm gonna make this pussy free use to the entire island."

you whimper and stay quiet in response. you think about leaving rafe, but you can't, you love him and maybe you even secretly loved being fucked against your will.

[pink0lamby]

fanon rant.

i love fanon concepts but i hate how much they antagonize manfred.

phoenix tried to contact miles via letters, but he never responded? that's actually extremely interesting! the reason he didn't respond was because manfred had burnt letters phoenix sent? nowhere close to what happened in canon text.

franziska taught miles all the ropes of being a von karma, had him follow in her footsteps steps, and helped him fit in with the family? YES!!! I LOVE THAT!!! franziska did this because she knew miles wouldn't have survived the "abuse" from manfred otherwise? now you're just reaching.

miles became a prosecutor following his father's death because he felt betrayed by the system? that's actually canon! manfred was the main reason for this change and had groomed miles into believing all defense attorneys are untrustworthy and did this as a final "fuck you" to gregory? he literally has nothing to gain from that.

fanon concepts have great potential, especially when they build on canon, but i hate when they wildly reach at things that don't exist. headcanons are supposed to build on canon, and if not, acting like they are canon is just weird.

NO HATE TO THOSE WHO ENJOY THESE FANON CONCEPTS!!! NO HATE TO ABUSIVE MANFRED ENJOYERS!!! but you HAVE to understand that the headcanons and fanon you enjoy is simply that: a headcanon and fanon.

you are allowed to enjoy whatever you want, i just don't like being driven out of fandom spaces (which actually happened recently) because i don't think manfred von karma is a villain for things he didn't do.

manfred is a villain, there is no ignoring that, but he's a villain for murdering two innocent men, tasing two innocent people, and participating in the toxicity of the justice system, not because of fanon.

i don't want to start controversy, which is something i cannot believe i'm saying when im simply expressing an opinion, but i just felt really annoyed at it this morning. if you want to tell me why i'm "wrong" please do it respectfully, otherwise i'm not going to hear you out. i'm not here to change the minds of anyone who enjoys these concepts, i am just pointing out inconsistencies with these concepts and canon.

[mswyrr]

In a literary sense, I consider killing Lenore Dove Baird basically the final moral line crossed in Coriolanus' corruption arc. It connects to several important things. First, Collins has him sincerely liking and caring about little Maude Ivory, Lenore Dove's mother, when they were both kids. She has him find out about Maude Ivory's mental health issues due to Lucy Gray's Games and then lovingly give her a gift of sweets to "get some happy in her head" (tbosas 422). Using the Covey phrase and participating in what the older kids/adults of the Covey are trying to do to help Maude Ivory. It's not a coincidence that he kills Lenore Dove with poison sweets. What was once love has turned to poison, a gift that was affirming of life has become death because the giver has so changed in the decades of terrible choices that have passed.

Second, family used to mean everything to him as a child. Both the name and love for the people. In SOTR, he kills the last Baird -- Lucy Gray's niece, Maude Ivory's daughter, and the name itself -- and destroys the family he might have joined. We know from the main series that it's after SOTR that he and Tigris have their full split from each other too. He becomes someone who cannot be family to the person who loved him most and who he once loved deeply.

The granddaughter in the films somewhat complicates this -- but in the books there's a reading that he makes himself incapable of that kind of sincere familial love. There's no wife or kids mentioned in STOR, even if they exist. We only hear about his "work wife"/twisted mother figure and partner for 15 years minimum in creating more and more sadistic Games, Gaul (stor, 190). And Collins writes him as someone with *no heir*. No futurity -- Gaul was able to create an heir for herself by turning a teen into a "mutt," a Frankenstein's monster, but he's not even able to do that by the end. He's symbolically non-generative, infertile (obligatory Fisher King reference here). That's huge for someone who was so driven by family and legacy.

Third, there's the visual symbolism. Those damn angelic curls! He's in his late 50s and he still has them, albeit in a highly fake and controlled way. "His head dips slightly and a lacquered silvery blond curl falls onto his forehead" (sotr, 86). He's sort of the rotten image of the boy he once was -- the boy who gave Maude Ivory those sweets sincerely. By the time we see him again in the main series, he's defined visually by being snakelike.

Last but not least - the forest is a teenager having a breakdown. It's not something he couldn't have turned away from, on to a better path. That is an opinion that fire cannot burn from me. But Lenore Dove is an adult killing the niece of the girl he loved. Destroying what remains of her *family.* Her blood. It's like killing Lucy Gray again - for real and certain this time. No breakdown, no mystery and hallucinations. No delusions of it being self defense. With intent and premeditated. (And kudos to the casting of Lenore Dove - Whitney Peak looks so much like Rachel Zegler!). Putting his foot to the floor and gunning it over that final line in his corruption arc.

And then just to zoom out a bit to my pov on all of this -- I think, in the subtle magic realism going on, Haymitch literally laying Louella's death at his feet was a kind of prophetic moment. A call to see what all of this really is. Which he responds to by taking his poison of choice (actual poison) to silence his mind, the way Haymitch would use alcohol to silence his mind. I feel like opportunities to see what he was doing came like that, again and again. Which is why he repeated the (otherwise stupid) cycle of poisoning himself to kill others again and again.

As a vision of what corruption and evil actually ARE, I love it. It's so hopeful! So many moments to see what you're doing, so many chances to stop.

And I do think keeping his word to not lie to Katniss--and specifically telling her the truth about Coin--is -- not a moment of turning away (I think the last chance at that passes in SOTR but you could argue otherwise), but another example of how hopeful this story can be about people. One tiny shred of the boy who cared so much about honor was left and something good could be made of that by Katniss' choice. Lucy Gray was right and Gaul was wrong. There is "a natural goodness built into human beings" and we do all, on some level, sense when "you’ve stepped across the line into evil" (tbosas 496). And going against it is a lifetime of hard work, choice after choice after choice after choice, burying the person you might have been and the better world you could have been part of alive. And a hell of a lot of other people too.

It's a lie that some people are just "born evil" because their brains aren't neurotypical. It's, in particular, a lie fascists have used to justify the mass murder of mentally ill people. So - you'll forgive me for throwing that shit out in the trash where it belongs! That's not what Collins is saying.

And it's a lie that good people are just effortlessly good. It's a lie that's incredibly dangerous--especially as the cost of following our own inner goodness becomes higher and higher: that's what tyrants and fascists *do*--because it leaves people ill equipped to deal with going through impossible, painful things, being broken and damaged and tainted and still choosing good. It makes the stakes unclear.

It would have been better, by far, to die of exposure in the wilderness at 18 holding Lucy Gray's hand than to return to Gaul and become what Coriolanus became. It would have been an appalling thing, an obscene tragedy, for two children to die like that just because they loved each other and didn't want to participate in evil. And it's understandable why teen Coriolanus has a breakdown, unable to face the very real possibility of it. But it would have been better. Because the other option was a living death, with everything that was once alive inside rotting and turned to poison.

[jilixthinker]

i always know

=͟͟͞♡ seungmin × fem!reader

=͟͟͞♡ fluffy period sex

word count: 4K

content warning: smut, explicit sexual content, established relationship, kinda sub!seungmin, period sex, unprotected sex (piv), fingering, oral sex (f receiving), it's grafic and fluffy

a/c: i wrote this for my pure enjoyment because period!sex should be debunked and seungmin is just so... fitting. enjoy this ♡

=͟͟͞♡ please, consider reblogging if you like my works!

"What do you need again?"

Seungmin's voice is ruffled and far. You can hear people talking in the background and the annoying beeping sounds of cash registers.

"Just the regular pads I always buy." You huff, hot bottle strategically placed on your lower stomach and phone on speaker. The fact that you had to do anything today is literally a crime. You had to go to work, 8 infinite hours of cramps and shivers, and then grocery shopping. And, of course, you forgot to buy your pads.

Seungmin finished his shift 30 minutes ago, and he called to check on you, asking if you were feeling like eating Chinese for dinner. That's when it popped into your mind.

"Uhm. The purple ones, right?". You can hear him searching through the boxes to find the right one.

"Yes, just those." You mutter, another dart of dull pain spikes through your abdomen, making you curl on yourself.

The painkiller you took with lunch wore off hours ago and you cannot take another one without eating before, or it will upset your stomach.

"Okay. 10 minutes and I'll be home. I am so sorry".

You roll from your side onto your back, hugging the hot bottle tighter to your tummy and drawing your knees towards your chest. Kim Seungmin is the best boyfriend in the entire world, a true angel, and you know it. That's why you say it all the time.

"Kim Seungmin, you are the best boyfriend in the entire world."

Seungmin's laugh is quiet and shy while you hear him paying for your box of pads.

"I'm not. Coming."

You close your eyes trying to relax, but it doesn’t work. You watch your own chest rise and fall in the overwhelming quiet of the room until the silence is too much, and you look for the remote, stuck under the million of cushions on your sofa. You put one of your favorite kdramas on, and you lazily start to watch it until you hear the sound of keys just outside the door.

You sit up, keeping your hot bottle on your stomach. The sound is followed by the shuffle of footsteps and the sound of Seungmin's soft voice.

"Hi." He waves as soon as he sees you, splayed on the couch.

"Hi," you respond. You try to keep the discomfort out of your voice, even if Seungmin knows how much painful your periods can be. Your pale face doesn't hide anything as well.

He rounds the corner and he tilts his head at you. His new blondish hair partially covers his puppy eyes, but it makes him look so soft and cuddly that you don't mind.

"Are you alright?". He asks you while he starts to set the table for the take-out.

"Yeah, fine". You rub your face and move against the arm of the couch. "Always the same".

"Mhm." Seungmin nods and places two napkins and your chopsticks on the table before heading for the kitchen. You watch him opening two boxes of stir fried noodles and one of caramelized tofu, together with some mushrooms and veggies.

"Ready." He smiles and comes toward you, offering his hand as a support for standing up. When you both sit at the table, he fills your plate before his.

"Why are you so sweet today?" You ask, picking up your chopstick and starting munching on some veggies.

He ducks his head with a cute wink. "I am always sweet. Also, you are hurting." He squeezes your hand and brings it to his mouth, kissing your knuckles. You stuff a piece of tofu inside your mouth.

"I am not hur-".Then another cramp twists through your lower belly and you groan.

"Oh, love." He coos, and looking up, you realize he has a worried look in his eyes. "Wait, let me help you eat".

Before you can mount any protest, he takes your chopsticks from your hands and bring a piece of tofu and mushrooms in front of your mouth. You look at him steadily.

"I am not a child." You huff, but the pain humbles you quickly with a sharp cramp.

"How many times have you mothered me when I was sick? Let me pamper you every once in a while." And then he looks at you with the softest eyes he could master. "Please?"

You lift your legs to place them on his laps and you silently open your mouth. The flavorful taste of the food calming your senses just a little. Seungmin alternates one mouthful of food for you and one for himself for a few minutes. The vision is so caring and sweet that makes your heart ache.

When you both finish eating, Seungmin places a tiny kiss on your cheek before starting to clear the table. You patiently wait for him to finish and, when he is done, he hands you a big glass of water with one of your painkillers.

"I feel awful". You admit after chugging the pill together with half of the water.

Seungmin nods, and he gently circles your hips with his arm, helping you standing up again. He rests one of his hands on your hipbone and caresses it. "What can I do?".

"Nothing, Min." you reply. "I'm not dying. It will pass, eventually. It happens every month". You glare and hope he can stop worrying that much before you start feeling guilty.

"Why don't you choose something nice to watch while I prepare the bed and make another hot bottle?"

The thought of you two cuddling on your warm bed until the painkillers kick in and you can fall asleep is very tempting.

"Sure. I am gonna change my pad real quick and put my pajamas on."

Seungmin smiles and you pick up the box he bought for you from a shopping bag, heading to the bathroom.

After taking the quickest shower and putting a fluffy set of pajamas, you enter in your room. Seungmin turned on just the background lights, the softer ones, and he is waiting for you under the covers. He created what it seems to be a nest of blankets, soft and warm. You snuggle next to him and he covers you with one of them, the hot bottle waiting for you.

You hug his chest and he places one arm around your shoulders, pressing the bottle on your stomach and making sure you are all covered with the blankets. The TV in front of your bed is already on.

"I don't deserve you." You whisper, nuzzling your nose in the crook of his neck. He smells nice, fresh and clean as always.

"You deserve any of this and more". He turns his head to press a peck on your forehead, and he tightens his hug. You puff some air while snuggling up. The warmth of his body feels just right against your aching stomach, and in just a few seconds you begin to feel better already.

"How can you always find out what I need?" You ask, the sound of your voice is muffled by the skin of his neck, and Seungmin lets out a tiny laugh.

"Well, it's simple. I love you. I always know." He murmurs, settling his hand on the nape of your neck. Your eyes slip shut, you still  feel an uncomfortable tightness in your lower stomach, but it's definitively decreasing.

Seungmin finds the remote control and clicks on the same episode of the drama you were watching before. His touch melts down your skin, warm and soft, soothing the tension of your muscles and bringing you the relief you’ve been craving the whole day.

The voices of the drama seem far while you bring your right leg to straddle Seungmin's.

"This feels so nice". You whisper on his skin.

Seungmin smiles and starts to hum a lullaby. The vibrations are low and you start to think you might even fall asleep like this. Then, another cramp hits you and suddenly you are wide awake again.

"That bad?" Seungmin's hands settle on your hips and travel to your back, massaging your spine in tiny circles, trying to help you with the pain.

"Uhm." You reply. His fingers catch on the hem of your pajamas shirt and he starts to press the pads on your bare skin. He keeps the pressure consistent and your back arches slightly into his. You shuffle closer to him. The heat of his hands on your back is a pleasing distraction from the ache spreading through your pelvis.

"Does it help a little?" He whispers while pressing another kiss on your temple.

"It feels good." You mumble. The noise is muffled in the soft fabric of Seungmin's sweater.

He nods, and for a few minutes he keeps alternating between applying pressure to your back and running his hands up and down your spine. You hum from deep in your chest as you feel yourself go loose in his arms. The cramps on your abdomen lighten and you tilt your head to the side to face him.

"Kiss?" You demand, voice all groggy and low.

Seungmin lowers his face to press his lips against yours. They are plump and soft, and they taste like mint. You lazily open your mouth and let your tongue lap his lower lip. He lets you do it for a bit, until you start nibbling at it and you feel getting restless under the warm covers.

"Getting better?" He asks without letting your mouth go.

You nod and his right hand comes up to cup your cheek. The other one is still on your lower back, caressing the skin over your pajama pants.

Seungmin hums slowly and the sound vibrates into you. He parts his lips and licks into your mouth while your grip on him becomes tighter.

"Can I try something?" He breathes on you. The pressure of his hand on your back is firmer than before, and his fingers feel hot against your sensitive skin.

"Something like?" you stop to look up to him. He looks a little bit flushed, but you're sure you look worse.

"Something than can help you. And something that I wanted to try for a while."

You feel a slight shiver on the skin of your back. You nod and lower your face to press your lips on his cheek, leaving an open mouthed kiss on it. Seungmin cups your chin again and slips the tip of his tongue inside your waiting mouth. You hum pleasantly, trying to deepen the kiss, until finally Seungmin gives in and lets you.   

Your lower stomach is still throbbing with pain, but you quickly feel a wave of warmth spreading on your belly. It feels like Seungmin is making everything hot, every little part of you that he gets to touch. He starts to drag his warm tongue along your lips while his hands tease the place where your skin meets the fabric of your pants. When he starts to play with the elastic band underneath, you lazily detach your mouth from his.

"Min?"

"Uh?" He leans back a little, but his lips find the tender spot under your ear and he begins to kiss you there.

"I am getting really horny." You admit. Your eyes slip shut and you lean on his touch.

"That's perfect." He murmurs, sucking a tiny portion of skin into his mouth and bringing his hands to cup your ass over the fabric of your pajamas. You moan at the touch and you press your body firmly against his.

"Is this okay?" He asks, sucking another bite into the skin of your neck.

You roll your head back onto the pillow under you, giving him more space. The soft light reflects on his brown eyes, glazy and dusted with arousal.

"Very."

Seungmin licks a stripe up your throat, all the way to your ear, and he gently rolls you on the bed until you are laying completely on your back. Even if his touch is light, you wince when he lays a hand on your stomach, slipping his fingers under your waistband. He dips his head to kiss the corner of your mouth, and then at the exposed skin of your collarbones, where the collar of your pajamas has slipped to the side.

You gasp when he slowly slips his hand underneath your pants and his fingers find your underwear. You stop tensing your legs, letting them fall apart slowly, and his fingers brush lower, over your inner thighs.

You’re so sensitive like this that you feel you could explode any moment now. The warmth of the room, combined with all the hormones flooding your body, heighten every little touch.

Seungmin's knuckles brush against the fabric of your cotton panties, and he slips a finger under the elastic band, finally pulling them off together with your pants. The induments fall on the floor, and that's when you remember your conditions.

"Minnie... I think we should grab a towel."

Seungmin kneels on the mattress in between your parted legs, and grab your knees to keep them open. "I don't care about the towel."

You are about to protest when one of Seungmin's hands slips lower and you feel the first brush of his fingers on you. A moan escapes from your mouth and your eyes flutter shut. And when he finally touches you, you keen.

He cups you fully, his palm resting over your pulsating core and thumb starting to rub your clit. You feel his pad tickling the tight bundle of nerves before dipping his fingers lower to tease at your entrance.

"Fuck."

You smell your own blood and arousal thick in the air, and it's so primal and raw that you feel lightheaded.

Seungmin presses in, his fingertip just dipping into you, and you drop your head against the pillow with a long a whine.

"You look beautiful." He murmurs. He inches his middle finger deeper and you can feel the squelching noise your pussy is letting out. The gushing sound reverberates in the room and it makes your head spin.

He presses the heel of his hand down and grinds it against your core, while he places his other hand on the lowest part of your belly.

"You look so good between my legs." You breathe out, circling your hips into his touch. His finger is fully inside inside you, but you are so wet that you need something more to feel stuffed.

Seungmin chuckles and he kisses your abdomen, pushing his finger in and out and pulling lewd noises out of you.

"Give me another one."

"Yes." He eases another finger into you, circling your folds with his pad before fucking it into you.

"Good boy."

He holds your body steady with his arm around your left thigh. He crooks his fingers to rub against the spongy spot inside you and your leg twitches. Your whole body is thick with desire and you feel so sensitive that you could come just from the obscene sound of Seungmin fucking your own blood into you.

He keeps you open like this for a few minutes, thrusting his fingers inside, and then smearing all of your liquids around your folds. Then he curls them again deeper into you.

When he slides his third finger in, you can feel yourself dripping on his wrist. And it should be gross, it should be revolting, but the only thought your brain can produce is hot hot hot hot. You bring your hand down and grab Seungmin's forearm, regulating his pushes and feeling his muscles flexing under his skin as he fuck you steadily.

"I wan' taste." Seungmin hums after a minute. His chocolatey eyes are staring hungrily at the way you pussy ingulfs his fingers.

"Yes, fuck. Taste me." You moan, the noises stuck in your throat come out groggy and low.

You drop the hand that was holding his arm and Seungmin just leans in, tongue lolling out of his mouth before he brings his lips on your pussy, flicking his warm muscle on your clit.  

You hiss and your body tense up feeling Seungmin get lost in you. He closes his lips around your bundle of nerves and he sucks, hard.

"Seungmin."

You moan, hips bucking into his face while he dips his tongue against your entrance and you let out an audible gasp. Your eyes flick down to meet his, fully blown out with arousal. He pulls his tongue out and he keeps giving kitten licks, as if he was savoring a rich glass of wine.

Your head fall back on the pillow as you let him continue. Seungmin brings his fingers to your entrance once again, and he push just his index in, licking a fat strip from your entrance to your clit, purring with enjoyment.

"Taste good?" you ask, and you sound out of breath. Everything is so hot around you and you feel more drops of blood gushing out of you.

"You cannot believe how good." Seungmin whispers, looking up to meet your eyes and licking you deep at the same time.

The whole room is almost dark, the few lights that are still on don't allow you to see Seungmin in his interity. But it's enough for you to see him almost suffocating himself in your drooly cunt with your blood smeared on the corner of his mouth.

"Baby... Min, god. Need you inside."

Seungmin hums against your folds and sucks one more time before he wipes his mouth on his own wrist, pressing a wet kiss on your inner thigh.

He reaches down to fumble with the elastic band of his pants, clumsily tugging his erection free from the constriction of his underwear as he leans into you and smashes his lips against yours. You moan loudly when he opens his mouth and swirls his tongue inside, the metalic taste of your blood filthy and intoxicatic. Seungmin bites on your lower lip, and then he soothes it with his tongue. Everything is so raw that you feel yourself getting close already.

"It's not gonna be impressive." He whispers, bringing his hand down to messily stroke himself, thrusting into his own fingers just a couple of times. You can feel his tip bumping into your hip, all red and puffy, precum dribbling on your skin.

"I didn't touch you". You huff on his lips, licking his cheek and biting it lazily.

"You tasted too good. I almost came." He admits. He brings his cock in front of your pussy and he slides its chubby head on your clit. There is a mess of blood, spit and slick all mixing together and you moan at the feeling.

"Don't care. I am close. I jus' need your cum."

Seungmin swallows, fidgeting a little as his cock taps against your swollen clit. You circles your hips against him and your pussy catches the tip. You kiss him.

"Baby, Minnie. Wanna see my blood and your cum leak out of me after you fuck me nice and hard?"

Seungmin lets out a small noise at that, biting his lip. You can tell he is close by the way his breathes come out staggered.

"Yes, please". He agrees, finally pushing himself inside of you in one thrust, trying his best not to come immediately.

You moan pleasantly at the strech as he bottoms out. You feel his swollen balls rest on the fat of your thighs and from the sound you hear, you are making a mess on the bed sheets under you. You try to remember why is this the first time you are doing this, and you cannot find a reason.

Seungmin is shivering on top of you, and he delivers a first shallow push. You sigh in pleasure and he starts rocking his hips against yours. The wet sounds fill the room together with Seungmin's sweet hiccups. He held back for too long, and now he cannot help himself no more.

You cup his chin with your hands and you press a light kiss on his lips.

"You like it Minnie, uh? How long did you wait for this? You could have asked, you know. I would have said yes from the first time. I would have let you shove your cock inside me and cover it in blood. All nice and wet for you. Nasty boy."

Seungmin blushes heavily as you open youd legs, lowering a hand to spread apart your folds.

"Cum inside me, c'mon."

His thrusts are messy and errating, unable to bring himself to look at you in the eyes out of embarrassment. You dig your nails into his broad shoulders and he whines loudly as he pushes frenetically into you.

It is just a matter of time considering how close both of you have been from the start. The wet sounds that come with every thrust, together with the sight of your pussy stretched around his cock, are so sinful that Seungmin has to look away, a tight ring of slick and blood forming on his girth.

"G'na cum." He stutters, giving a few hard thrusts.

You nod and bring your hand in between your bodies to start rubbing at your puffy clit. The pressure combined with Seungmin's thrust is enough to bring to to the edge in a few seconds, and with your free hand you cup his face and you kiss him deep.

"Cum, baby boy. Fill me up."

Seungmin trembles and gives two final pushes inside of you before hitting his limit, groaning out as he cums. His fingers grips tight at your legs as he spurts hot cum all over your walls.

You whine as you feel his sperm coating your insides, dragging your nails down his back and letting out a loud moan as you finally cum around him, pussy swollen and tight, milking him till his last drop.

After what it seems to be hours, Seungmin collapses onto you and pants on your neck, his soft bangs all sweaty and curly on his face. You catch your breath for a few seconds before feeling him pulling out.

As his softening cock is pulled out of you, you feel all of your liquids leaking out of your entrance, mixed with his cum. You whine and Seungmin kisses your chin.

"Did I hurt you? Are you alright?"

"You didn't hurt me. I am great." You move your head to face him and he kisses your cheek. Then your nose. Then your lips. "I am just concerned about the state of our bed."

"Oh, well. I think Jeff Dahmer had a cleaner bed." He chuckles, after taking a quick look at the sheets underneath. "It's my fault. I will clean them myself."

"You better." You laugh. Seungmin laughs with you and it's a soft exhalation of breath that tickles your cheek.

"Yes ma'am". He shifts a little in your embrace, and you turn over so your cheek can rub against his shoulder.

"Does it still hurt?" He asks.

You let it out on a satisfied sigh, your cramps long forgotten. “Nope.”

"Good." He smiles softly and he kisses you on your forehead. You wrap your arms tightly around him and bite his shoulder.

"How can you always know... wait, no, it doesn’t matter."

The voices of your kdramas are still a background noise.

Seungmin chuckles. "I told you. I love you. I always know."

©️ jilixthinker, 2024. please do not copy, translate, or republish my works anywhere.

[canideformed]

I keep seeing this post going around about how autistic people “understand hierarchies” and just don’t respect them.

That is not representative of all autistic people.

I am literally incapable of understanding hierarchies. I can understand that social rules say person 1 is above person 2 in an abstract sense, but, when it comes down the the actual way that happens IRL, when it comes down to understanding that dynamic, how I’m supposed to act in that dynamic, why that dynamic exists, etc., I literally do not and have never understood. And years of abuse partially resulting from that lack of understanding being seen as “defiance” didn’t help.

I do not understand how these hierarchies function.

Earlier this year my parents got mad at me because I kept asking the flight attendant questions about why they were making us power off our devices (automated fog landing). From my perspective, I was just curious. My mom had to explain to me that I was supposed to just listen to them without asking questions. I did not understand that either. She had to break it down by telling me it probably just wasn’t the best time to be asking and that it was probably seen as me arguing or talking back or whatever.

You might think ok, now I understand. But no. I don’t know how to describe it but to say a gear just stops turning—I ask myself “am I supposed to ask this? Is this the way I’m supposed to behave?” and the answer my brain gives is… silence. A lot of things just make sense to me intuitively. I love science, especially physics, and did very well at math (not involving arithmetic, thanks probably-dyscalculia diagnosed-arithmetic-impairment). But for some reason this stuff just does. Not. Follow. And I will try my best, and maybe I will happen to act correctly a few times, but, in the end, my fundamental lack of understanding will cause me to be perceived as “defiant” or “disrespectful.” I’m going to try to be better on flights but to be honest I can very easily picture myself doing something similar if the situation were to be slightly different.

I don’t think a lot of people get how hard it is to really internalise hierarchies, even hierarchies people have explained to you, if you don’t actually understand them. Like yeah my mom explained that I was expected not to ask the questions I did, but let enough time pass and I forget that extremely specific interaction and I’m back at square 1 just because I can’t think “wait mom said that I’m not supposed to do that last time.”

The reason the post I described above bothers me is because that exact expectation has had a direct hand in my abuse. I was treated like a problem child. Like I was defiant. My dad secretly believed I had ODD. Imagine being a kid and freaking out because, to you, you were acting very normally and then the other person got mad. Crying because you don’t understand why they’re mad at you. And then your caregivers punish you even more. Imagine being a kid who is hurt and scared because you don’t understand what you did wrong and having your caregivers respond by taking you to your room, pulling down your pants, spanking you, and telling you you’re being bad or “eres un necio/travieso/mocoso.” * And now imagine that your brain is wired in such a way that, despite all of that, you cannot, you are incapable of ever “learning” to understand this stuff.

You can see why it might strike a nerve to hear people say that, actually, we do understand hierarchies and are choosing to not respect them!

Please try to stop making sweeping statements about what autistic people “do” or “don’t” understand. We’re individuals. And claiming that we “actually do” understand something without clarifying it’s only some of us only leaves behind those of us who can’t.

* I put this in untranslated because it’s a little bit different in Spanish. It translates to “you’re a fool/naughty (person)/brat,” but basically gets used to mean “you’re being foolish/naughty/bratty.” Imo that double meaning definitely impacted how I saw myself, especially as an autistic kid taking everything very literally, so. Wanted that to be accurate. My parents never directly called me a “bad kid” but overall it’s definitely something I internalised.

[somuchwatersoclosetohome]

good morning job seekers here are my thoughts on last night's stage/fright!! others have covered the main plot points and points of interest so this is literally ~1000 words of self-indulgent inane drivel that i wrote in my notes app at 1am (so sorry if there's misremembered lines / typos etc.), you're welcome

(will edit as i remember more stuff)

spoilers for stage/fright 22/03 evening show

le general observations

ok first up let me just say the VIBES for this show were IMPECCABLE. as many of you know this is my third watch and i feel like the energy this time was j u i c y

this time and the last time i went were both saturday evenings which i think can be good? like this audience were super engaged but not overly rowdy... it felt the right level of keen-ness that the company were responding to

all of this to say that it definitely looked to me as if the company but especially R&S were 👏 feeling 👏 themselves 👏

also means that when y'all go and see s/f be keeeeen!! they really respond to (the appropriate amount of) whooping and hollering at the right moments. i mean they literally say in the programme "you can't hear smiles" lol and we all know about reece's experiences with the 'corpses' in the producers lmao

speculation.com, i wonder if the company are feeling this but i'm definitely acutely aware that there's <2 weeks left of the run now 🥺 (where did all the time go???), which i'm trying hard not to think about because (1) sad and (2) what will i base my personality on from 6 april 2025

i’m going to cry SO HARD on the final shows

act 1

R&S got a muuuuch longer applause than i've seen previously when they come out in front of the curtain post-hamlet / a house divided scene to introduce the show. like the applause and wooping went on what felt like a solid minute. they looked happy it was cute!!

paul whitehouse was the hostage and lmaoooo did the guy milk it. the bit where they ask him what he's been in he just kept going listing stuff for aaaages

BUT it looked like R&S were having a great time here. i mean tbh reece spent most of this section with his back to the audience or adjusting his moustache bc he was lol'ing so much

an EXCELLENT fast show reference when paul has to do the spanish accent on the phone and len/eddie comes out with "SCORCHIO" iykyk

covered elsewhere but eddie knows paul from gone fisting / gone girl (and one other that i have neglected to remember)

paul whitehouse cannot play the trumpet. like at all. no sound was produced (len/eddie even says "try turning it on" and mimes switching it on haha)

len/eddie/steve's voice goes so high when he says "it's jUst a sTiCK of ceLerY" and tommy/ray/reece visibly loses it cracking up

🚨 jeremy dyson callout 🚨 as paul is leaving he said something about working with the clever/smart one jeremy dyson haha

also from the BCDR wider bit, tommy's voice crack on "you almost died len" was hearTBREAKING reece nailed it 10/10

act 2

let me open this section with HUGO my one true love this character has grown on me so much and he is honestly such a highlight. he needs his own spin-off tbh

reece was also playing hugo turned up to 11 imo

hugo/reece got a full on applause for his elements song dance number i was so happy!! last couple of times i've seen it's just got some laughs but this time people clapped for ages again to the point they had to wait for people to stop clapping before they could continue. YES BBY YOU'RE AMAZING

hugo did the leg amputation bit SO exaggeratedly this time, from the "this one sir?" to dragging the bone saw along the tray when he takes it from madam cragg

in general the p h y s i c a l i t y of reece in this production is just something else. he does it as eddie and hugo and the fucking bunny hops and exaggerated movement are just so good and make such a difference so thank you rs for the commitment to the bit

between the last time i saw s/f and this time i learned about the concept of sleeve garters (i think thanks to @vagueeyes) and now i noticed them on goudron muahah

i'd picked up from others' watches to watch marcus during the trepanning scene and yes! very worth it!! he mouthes along with the lines very nice detail

every time i've seen the musical number R&S have both looked sooo happy and again tonight. honestly petition for both of them but especially r to be in a fully fledged musical bc he smiles so much in this segment man is in his element

standing ovation 💖💖💖

stage door

right ok so first my GOD i have not seen the line this long so far?? like it literally went from the stage door around the corner onto charing cross rd and almost back to the main entrance of the theatre?? and they still came out and signed everything for everyone that was waiting 😭 true kings i'm still in awe at how they just... don't have to do this at all and yet they still do and they're so patient with everyone

i mean i said nothing of note to them bc i was on cloud 9 (hur hur) but just !!! thank you for coming out

i noticed this last time i went but absolute lols how steve is always the always the one carrying all the gift bags etc. from fans and reece is entirely unencumbered (apart from infamous CAT bag) like yas king go off

i overheard someone asking steve if there was going to be a DVD of the show and he said no 😔 but i wonder, who knows if you can trust these jokers... theres_been_a_twist.mp4

and THEN i had A Thought: imagine the concept - a filmed version of stage/fright with a commentary a la TLoG shows..... please simon evans do it for the fans

omg this is so long and i've said like nothing of note hahahaha ok well thanks for sticking with it

(oh also i'm actually writing this from the afterlife because i touched reece's hand)

[solarsturniolo]

ik you've been critical of the triplets before (breath of fresh fucking air tbh)

wanted to know what you thought about the whole mallory situation? she made a tiktok saying she was concerned about their physically aggressive behavior and how she didn't think it was right that they would act like that, and they responded to her tiktok in a friday video. idk i certainly have thoughts but i wanna hear yours if you're ok with sharing them

Oh i was waiting for this one.

To start, THIS IS NOT A HATE POST. But it is something that needs to be said. I’d also like to clarify that i’m not trying to ‘clock’ anyone in this post. This is not meant to spiral out into another episode from them or their fans, but if they aren’t going to be good role models for young impressionable children, I will.

First and foremost, absolutely nothing about the way matt reacted in that video was okay. He is 21 years old, he is a grown adult that pays bills and taxes. He should not be laying his hands on anyone in an aggressive matter, even if they are just brothers. Whether you agree or not, that was abuse. Here is the Oxford dictionary definition of the word abuse, for those of you who need clarification.

Now of course, including content like that in a video is an option. And it was an option that they decided to take. Nick DID NOT have to leave that in the video, and if he hadn’t it wouldn’t have caused so many issues. What gets me the most is that some part of him KNEW it was too much because he edited half of that moment OUT of the video. We saw the extended clip through their photodump that shows just how obnoxiously aggressive Matt’s tantrum was. Not only did he hit Nick (quite hard and in a very vulnerable spot), but he also took a gift that Nick had gotten (gag gift or not, it doesn’t matter) he threw it onto the ground and told him to go and pick it up. The average person knows better than to behave that way, and it was very alarming to see that behavior from someone that we all look up to.

This led to a large divide in the fandom. Some people were (understandably) very uncomfortable with Matt’s behavior. And some people defended it with their lives. Now i’m not saying me and my sisters never fought, but we don’t lay our hands on each other. Idk maybe im out of touch with some new-found sibling abuse agreement or something, but we don’t hit each other. We argue, we get mad at each other, we fight and we make up.

Personally, i don’t think there’s anything wrong with calling out your idols when they do something wrong. At the end of the day, we’re all human and we all make mistakes. It’s easy to forget that when you let fame and money get to your head, making you feel invincible because you know your bandwagon of 13 year olds are going to be at your every beck and call. It’s our job as supporters to remind them that mistakes are okay, but accountability still needs to be taken for actions like that.

When you are in a position where you pay your bills by posting your private life on the internet, you cannot get angry that people are going to have comments and opinions about the stuff that you post on the internet…Nick made a comment in yesterdays video about how people need to mind their own business, but…you…willingly posted…that clip to the internet. For millions of people to see. Nick did not have a gun to his head while editing that video, he did not need to include it but it was a decision that he made.

One reason why i don’t watch them anymore is because they refuse to take accountability for anything that they do. They have also been drawing this out much longer than they needed to. The fanbase would’ve talked about it for a week and forgotten about it with the next friday video. The only reason why it’s still getting attention is because they so badly want to seem ‘unbothered’ by it but they keep bringing it up in everything they do. Matt’s instagram story, his comment on Nick’s recent post, their recent tiktok…literally anything that they have posted in the past week and a half, Matt and Nick just CANNOT HELP THEMSELVES from making a snarky comment. It’s a very icky trait to have imo but i’ll keep my mouth shut on that (since it’s illegal to have opinions in this fandom.)

Personally, I think Mallory was valid in her opinion and responses. Maybe terrifying was a strong word to use, which she has addressed, but it’s not like the boys don’t use hyperboles ALL THE TIME. And nothing about her video was her trying to “cancel the triplets”, she was simply sharing her concerns with Matt’s behavior.

The fanbase LOVESSSS to jump to conclusions. Most of us that had an issue with Matt’s behavior were not trying to cancel them. We’re frustrated because they’re grown adults who refuse to take any constructive criticism or accountability. I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, the boys dislike ANYONE who is NOT AN ENABLER. Especially Nick. They LOVE an enabler that doesn’t call them out on their crappy behavior.

Back to yesterday’s video, I was VERY unimpressed with their responses. Snarky comment after snarky comment, only proving more and more that they aren’t unbothered by the situation because they’re trying so hard to prove a point. Why not stay silent like you do with everything else? Your ‘friend’ (who you still communicate with but won’t publicly hang out with) who was cancelled for contacting minors? Didn’t have much to say about that did you? But the second something makes them look bad, they jump the gun and go right into defense mode. It’s so funny to me because people would respect them so much more if they just took some accountability, reflected on their actions, and made a change to their behavior.

Including her tiktok in their video was yet another choice they made, and it was a very immature one. You cannot tell me they didn’t think about the outcome of this situation. Singling out ONE PERSON’S VIDEO, putting a target on their back, and opening the gates for these 13-15 year old hellspawn brainwashed sturniolo cult fans to go and cyberbully someone for having an opinion (and a respectful one at that.)

Also trying to blame Chris and saying Matt was ‘provoked’ into hitting Nick???? Chris made a simple comment??? And this is NOT the first time Matt has gone overboard in a reaction he’s had to one of his brothers. He’s had many outbursts, all of which ARE concerning. Throwing things aggressively, hitting, punching, cussing your brothers out on camera…it’s fucking humiliating???? I am so sorry to break it to you all but nothing about that interaction was Chris’s fault AT ALL. So for Nick to pin it on his younger brother, i found it absolutely ridiculous.

And, to sum it up, Nick did not ‘clock her’. I’m sorry but his responses when people call him out always remind me of a middle schooler. He refuses to take any accountability. HE edited the video. HE kept the clip in. HE posted the full clip on their instagram. NICK STURNIOLO DID THAT. HE DID NOT HAVE TO DO THAT.

Can’t wait for reacting to hate comments part 2!!! Because, let’s face it! This isn’t hate, it’s the truth. I’m not an enabler and apparently that makes me a hater.

And yes, they over-do the drama for our entertainment, but they’re so much more entertaining when they’re all getting along?! Even if they have an argument, it’s far more entertaining when they aren’t hitting and kicking and punching. I genuinely think their emphasis on the physical aspects of their videos came straight from the tea party video, because it’s just gotten worse and worse since then.

I haven’t watched them in months and decided to watch that video and it was a clear reminder as to why i don’t watch them anymore. This is not a hate post, i will always be grateful for their videos because they’ve gotten me through some of the darkest moments of my life. From abusive relationships, to losing a loved one to suicide, to the loss of a childhood pet, to losing my job, to trying to take my own life…I am beyond grateful for their videos and I always will be. That being said, i think they have some serious maturing and reflecting to do if they want to continue to grow at the speed they were growing at a year or two ago.

Yes i think Matt is a sweet guy. No i don’t think he meant anything serious by hitting nick. The point is that it does make some of us uncomfortable to see that behavior from a grown man because so many of us have experienced abuse. I’m not saying we’re weak or snowflakes for our responses either. Posting your outbursts on the internet for 6-7 million people to see is a choice, and you cannot expect it to come without consequences.

[felicjana050896]

Mark and Helly/Helena: Part 2

Link to Part 1:

This is just a brilliant take on their relationship, Mark looks at Gemma, Gemma doesn't look at him, then they both don't look at each other, then Gemma looks at Mark but Mark doesn't look at her. Literally the writers have shown us straight up that Mark and Gemma are no living with each other, but are living NEXT to each other, this is no longer love, this was never true love.

Gemma then says that she sent Mark something about Denali (from what I've read, it's the highest mountain peak in North America, I checked if the name means anything specific, but it simply means the highest, but it's a peak that's located in Alaska, which used to belong to Russia and they also named it the highest mountain, so I guess Gemma only sent it to Mark because she's interested in Russia), and Mark replies that he hasn't yet, again a clear sign that he's not interested in Gemma as he should be if he really truly loved her.

And of course at the end when Gemma tells Mark she loves him he doesn't respond, he hears what she said but pays no attention to her, more interested in his work than Gemma, she has to go back and specifically get his attention so he will respond.

So to sum up the whole episode 7, for me it was an episode showing how Gemma and Mark met, simply, because Mark clearly fell for Gemma because of her looks, they spent time together normally, without any special excitement, they showed us their lack of common interests, apart from their common profession, lack of a similar sense of humor, or at least the only time we see Gemma trying to joke about the thank-you note, Mark doesn't take the joke, we see them trying to have a child, we see how their relationship literally slowly falls apart, how they start to argue, we see how they start to live next to each other, and not with each other, the whole episode 7 is a look at the beginning of their relationship, and then the breakup which would have completely happened if not for Gemma's accident (or kidnapping by Lumon, whatever it really was), I don't see any extraordinary love here, on the contrary I see here an ordinary, gray love that happens every day in real life.

Of course, there are couples who, despite having no children, do not fall apart, but these are those rare couples with a real connection, I know one from my private life, from my work, there is such a couple, a man and a woman, who also tried very hard to have a child and unfortunately cannot have it, despite this they did not break up, heck… they spend practically every minute of their lives together, they live and work together, they literally share a room at work, once I visited them for two days because I had to help them, so that they would make it, so I had a bit of an insight into their relationship and honestly… I have rarely seen a love like this in my life… the same sense of humor, the same approach to life, the same interests to a large extent, literally a couple made for each other, their conversations and banter and jokes, it was so nice to listen to that when after those two days with them I had to go back to my place, I felt sorry for them… I would like to spend longer with them, because you could literally feel their love, their interactions were so free, natural, as if they were literally made for each other, it was extraordinary! So of course such couples happen, but it is really rare and it needs a real connection, common passions, sense of humor, etc., so that these two people can naturally sustain their love, or rather, for it to sustain itself through their interactions.

Now moving on to Mark and Helly/Helen, many people write directly that Helen is cruel, literally using the words that Irving used, I think that's a mistake…, Helen is not cruel at all, I'll explain why:

Let's start with how I see innies, let's take Mark for example, oMark and iMark are the same Mark with one difference, which we learn about at the very beginning of the series: no memories, iMark doesn't know anything about his private life, doesn't know if he has a family (of course he finds out later, but I mean the clue itself), has no memories from childhood, so to sum up, he has no experiences, he's just a blank slate, but he already has a certain personality and character. We humans make decisions in our lives not only based on our character, but also based on our experiences, sometimes we will do something that is not in line with our character, because we assess the situation and see that, for example, a different decision will bring us greater benefits than one that is in line with our character, sometimes we will make a decision because we remember that in the past making a different one resulted in some consequences etc., our decisions are nothing more than a combination of our personalities with experiences from the past, however, innies do not have this baggage in the form of experiences, they only have a personality that they have already developed, they only make decisions based on it, so to sum up, innies are the most inner and true character of our heroes, they are not different people in my opinion, iMark and oMark are still Mark, except that iMark stops having access to memories, to experiences from his private life, just like oMark does not have access to experiences and memories from work and that's it…, everything else remains the same, they do not divide his soul into two different people, they just separate the memories from work from the rest of the memories, that's all. The hippocampus is responsible for memories:

We see that this chip (whatever it is) is placed in the hippocampus to separate these memories:

iMark and oMark are still the same Mark, they are not two different people, although it may seem so, it really scares me a bit when most people write about iMark as if he was a separate living entity, with his own soul etc., when he is not, he is still Mark, one and only one.

So now that we have explained that iMark and oMark are one and only Mark, only with a hippocampus separated in some way by the chip, let's go back to Helly/Helen. Helly and Helen are also one and the same person, except that Helly, just like iMark, is a person untainted by memories, experiences from private life, this is the purest and deepest form of Helena, who she really is, if not for her childhood, father, etc., we can see this perfectly in this example:

Her father values ​​Helena only as a means to an end, not as a person; when Helly messes up her speech, her father gets mad at Helena (even though it wasn't her fault):

It scares me what he means by saying that they will all be Kier's children, because I'm afraid it's not just about him injecting himself with a memory-splitting chip.

In addition, the actor's great acting, the way he looks at Helena above, as if he didn't see her as a person, but as if he was looking at a goal, into the future, his gaze becomes distant, until someone comes who interrupts them and we see how he shakes off the thoughts he was in:

And that face at the end… sorry, but it's so funny, I had to take a screenshot and post it here :D , as if he ate the most sour lemon in his life, or as if someone had swapped sugar for salt :D

So to sum up Helly and Helena are the same person, Helly is not cruel and Helena is not cruel, only Helena has memories of living with her father, about thirty years of being raised as Eagan's daughter, as a pawn in the game and a means to an end, because considering that the severance department has existed for about 20 years (which we learn from Burt's husband when Irving comes to their dinner), the plans for separation must have been made either in Helen's childhood or even before she was born, who knows…, it may still turn out that her father fathered a daughter for this very reason, because we don't know anything about her mother, as if her father fathered her with the most suitable woman and then paid her to give the child away and keep quiet…, this is just my speculation, but it's strange that she doesn't have a mother and isn't mentioned (at least so far) in the TV series.

To sum up, in the end I don't see Mark and Gemma as endgame, because their relationship was already falling apart before all this, but I see Mark and Helena as endgame, and not as endgame innies, but as endgame of them, as whole people, the end will be in my opinion such that severance will be completely forbidden.

Thanks for reading and have a nice night or day :)