#i do in fact have adhd i don't need an answer just. its screaming with this

[barelyoksometimes]

Hey guys, what are the odds I have ADHD?

[literaphobe]

(you don't have to answer if you don't want to) but i was curious how you found out you had adhd? esp since you mentioned being singaporean cause like i also grew up in sg and like barely anybody (gov, school, ect) mentioned adhd stuff growing up and tbh i feel like i only saw it in tv and stuff so im curious? also no yeah adhd is a struggle but i know you can do it you're like the sexiest girlboss blogger i know :DDDD

essentially i had a breakdown when i was 15 and i was skipping school so much (i would go one day and skip the next for instance) for mental health reasons i was also addicted to spn at the time like i mean u know my hyperfixation and well i will say that while i would read spn fanfiction and go through the dash when i skipped school it was also not the reason i skipped school like it was just... id just get dressed for school and then something in me would stop halfway and id go back to be and i was getting so much detention and i was suspended multiple times (IN SCHOOL SUSPENSION IS SO BAD THEY MAKE U SIT OUT IN THE OPEN IN FRONT OF THE GENERAL OFFICE AND STUDY ALL DAY LIKE DAMN COOL I DONT EVEN GET TO LEARN THE TIME I COME TO SCHOOL EXCELLENT SYSTEM GUYS) and yeah i remember running to one of my mom's friends house (it was a 2 minute walk away) to sit nearby and secretly use the wifi bc my mom turned the wifi off at our house thinking it would somehow make me more well behaved and she took my phone away and locked it in her drawer so i learnt to pick locks and one time i hid it and she got mad and screamed and got violent etc she had like a friend install something on my computer so i couldn't use it and i just... found a way to remove it somehow anyway um i did not respond well to my freedom being restricted but the adhd diagnosis thing happened bc one day i broke down in a doctor's office bc i was so sick of lying to get doctors letters (sometimes i wouldn't even take the effort to go and just let them suspend me) and my father had stopped speaking to me and didn't visit me for ages as punishment for my school skipping ways (my parents r divorced) anyway lo and behold i begged for help i thought i was depressed and i got an appointment w a mental health person and i was diagnosed for adhd (which came as a shock to me) (in hindsight it should never have been a shock) and well my school was threatening to expel me but after they found out i had adhd my principal was like huh... what are u and i was like i got this thing called medication im gonna try and take it and i pinky promise i will try and come to school more and well a bunch of my family members got all up in hands and refused to believe i had adhd so they brainwashed my mom who believed i had adhd at first (the doctor told her i had it) to thinking adhd wasn't even real and i had this tutor who took a 5 minute adhd test ANSWERED IT FOR ME WITHOUT CONSULTING ME and claimed to my mom that he had proved i didn't have adhd to this day my mother still does not really acknowledge the fact that i have adhd and when my dad found out i got diagnosed he looked up stuff on adhd and began to claim "my adhd is worse than yours!" and years later brainwashed himself into thinking he got me adhd help (so i reminded him that i broke down in a doctors office and got a diagnosis that he wasn't even there for and he thankfully believed me bc he knows my long term memory is really fucking good)

also they put my sister on adhd meds and years later she confessed to me she didn't even think she needed help for adhd "i think i could have adhd but its nowhere near as bad as yours" and well . well. all i will say is that this is the very long version of "i had Problems in school that snowballed and exploded in my face because no one cared until it was too late"

[kookies2000]

Hello, its me again yes xD. Just finished your entire book of Dont Back Down Again. I really do question on what Abigor meant when he said He respects and lives Webby during the sneak peak. (Also, what does Dewey mean by Proposal and why out of everyone does Della know xD)

I don't mind that it's you again. I like answering asks because I love to talk to people. The scene is baiscally Webby trying to get Abigor to talk with his ex boyfriend again. Who he ended on bad terms with.

I wrote Abigor to be a caring in the most aggressive way if that makes sense. 🤣 He genuinely does love and care for his family and friend's, and he genuinely loves Webby. But his ways are very questionable. I baiscally based Abigor off of my little brother. Anger issues, very aggressive, closed off, but he genuinely loves and cares for his friends and family. He just doesn't know how to show it. The best example is this. Someone made me cry through the phone and my brother really wanted to have a talk with them. I had to fight for my phone because I knew what he wanted to talk about. I leave my phone alone to take a shower and get ready for bed, and I come back to him doing his best french girl pose with my phone. "Guess what I did?" He wanted to annoy the heck out of this person all because they made me cry. It took our mom and his therapist to stop him. Although his therapist did prais him for "Treating others how they treat him and his loved ones." 🤣 I appreciate that he loves me enough to think "You hurt my sister, so hurt you." But it wasn't the best approch on his part. But he is only a middle schooler who has a lot to learn about life. His intentions come from love, he's just a little lost on how to express his love.

The same with Abigor, he loves everyone greatly but he doesn't know how to express it. Not to mention his forgetfulness and impulsive behaviour. ADHD man, my brother's counsler said he needs to get checked for ADHD because he shows signs of it. While my brother is the main insperation for Abigor, I also based him off of two other guys in my life. And yes, those two guys also have ADHD and a bad past. That's all I can say until the next chapter. Believe me, I'm taking my time on the next chapter because it puts Abigor in a light that I'm sure some people can relate to. And one more fact about Abigor, he's also written with Bakugo from My Hero Academia in mind.

And Dewey is doing a marrige proposal. The story is basically one big fladh black where we come back to the present once in a while. 😂 And hey! Della would 100% be the one that figuers it out and screams in joy. I'll have a lotvof fun writting her when she finds out. 🤣 Della id a fun charater to write in general. Just so energitic and wild. Same for Dewey, he's a fun one to write.

[marshmallowprotection]

Man, I love the Choi twins so freaking much, but when I truly imagine myself in the MC's place, I can't help but question my ability to handle some of the things they go through, especially in Saeran's route. I have ADHD, and from that RSD, which is basically when my brain goes, "Even if it wasn't actual criticism/rejection, here come the tears anyway!"

I honestly think I do a very good job and turning my ADHD into something positive; I make jokes out of the quirks that it comes with, and sometimes I don't even have to try, because things like bursts of rapid-fire questions only for me to answer them myself all within one breath tends to elicit laughter on its own.

But RSD, my emotional sensitivity, I hate it so much. I hate it; I hate crying in front of others. I don't even like it much on my own. I don't care how much people say my feelings are "valid" because sometimes they aren't! Sometimes it's really a stupid thing and yet the tears come anyways even though I don't deserve to cry over that, I don't need to, it's not something to cry over.

...I don't work well under pressure. Under time limits. I freeze up, my brain goes blank. I literally cannot think well until I'm calm, and staying calm can be very difficult. I just... I'm not sure I'd be good enough, strong enough, for either routes, and I know it's not really a big deal, but I can't help but feel a little... disappointed in myself.

I have a better chance in Saeyoung's route; my determination to help him, my stubbornness, could be enough for me to pull through, but I'd probably be so damn hesitant and nervous after his cold demeanor sticks around. Even a quiet, level, but cold, statement such as, "We can't even be friends" would probably bring the tears and UGH I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Saeran... that's a special case. And, again, I know it's not a real situation, but I can't help but think about it, and I'm sorry I'm ranting like this, but it just kinda got to me and I needed to write this out kind of in depth. Thank you for reading this far...

Due to a friendship in my past -- my first best friend -- I think I would struggle with him a little. Not so much during his route, although the ADHD and RSD would make that difficult, too. Man... I wouldn't give in, not at all, but you can bet 100% that I would cry at least a little every damn time Suit Saeran came in to verbally torment me. Literally none of what he says would actually hurt me, but just because they're harsh words... And I wouldn't put it past him to actually reach into my insecurity of my ADHD making me annoying and overbearing, because I likely would've mentioned it to Ray once or twice or a million times lol.

But past that, GE Saeran seems to be heavily emotionally dependent on the MC -- no surprise there, but I... My friend. She was like that. Different issues, though: depression, anxiety, self-harm, and eventually suicidal thoughts.

I carried all her secrets, all her problems. I was in middle school. I was eager that someone would trust me so much. I was certain it had no impact on me.

And then it did. And it still does. I took on an... unfavorable habit. I still do it on occasion -- and I do small versions of it everyday. It's a terrible and destructive coping mechanism, but I... I like it.

We had a fight. I told her parents everything. They got her help. I'm happy for her, always still worried about it, but we're not friends anymore. I couldn't take it.

Ever since that, I get cautious around people who show similar behaviours to her -- thinking, I can't deal with a repeat.

Saeran isn't exactly a repeat, and I'd still want to be there for him 100%... but I'm afraid of how it might affect me. I don't know what would happen. Maybe I'd accidentally end up distancing myself from him, or maybe I'd fall back into the position of taking all of his burdens onto myself, as much as he would let me...

I realize Saeyoung would likely also be a little emotionally dependent as well, but I still think I could handle that a little better... maybe... Geez. It's not a big deal now, but... I mean, people like that -- people who are or get emotionally dependent -- exist. And if I meet someone who I really like, platonically or otherwise, and they end up being even a little emotionally dependent, I fear I would unintentionally distance myself, and end up losing an amazing relationship... This is why, I believe, the thing with the Choi twins affects me so much. That, and I know I would really want to help them, but I would struggle with so much feelings of inadequacy... No, I'd struggle with emotional inadequacy itself...

Sorry for this long post, but thank you for reading... ^^"

[417]

There can be a true catharsis in writing out your feelings so I hope that you feel a little better now that you’ve gotten it out. The fun thing about games is that it is allowing you to range outside of your comfort zone and put you on a playing field where you can click things that you may feel too nervous or unsure to do in your actual life! It’s good that you can find comfort in these characters, as well, and I totally get where you’re coming from. 

Here’s the thing, yes, there are hard times emotionally with both of them but do not think for a second that they wouldn’t stop themselves in the middle of what they are doing if you start crying or get upset. Neither of them wants to hurt you or make you cry. They’re both fully aware by the ends of their routes that they’ve got a lot to work on. 

It’s not easy. But, coping and learning how to deal with your trauma in a healthy way takes time. Realistically, the events of the game should happen over a much longer period and that would make it easier to put yourself in the situation and deal with as it comes. Especially with Ray’s Route, specifically. Because there is such a drastic change in his feelings. Falling in love and playing with the line of what he knows and what he doesn’t... that’s a whole thing. 

Yes, to an extent, he leans on his MC. I’ve talked about that before. He’s going to lean on them a lot. He won’t mean to do it but he’s only ever lived his life in the sense that he can please others and do for them. Everyone gave him a reason to be alive and to exist, and now that he doesn’t have that, he doesn’t know what to do and that’s hard. That’s going to be a battle in itself but he’ll get better in time with therapy and positive support from everyone. However, that can be exhausting, so that’s something to take with care. 

Saeran knows that he needs to work on himself and he’ll apologize and work with you when he does that. You just have to be gentle with him and be honest about how exhausted it makes you feel. He’s willing to work with you and take care of this. He wants to get better. He wants to fight for his health. But, Rome isn’t built in a day. If you love him and he loves you, he wants to make this work. 

Saeyoung is hard in the sense that yes, he loves you and he would do anything for you. His issue is that he can be skittish and paranoid. In the events of the SE, he and his brother still have to live with the fact that their father is still out there and could still hurt them. He’s not going to push that fear onto you specifically but it will show in what he does. He sleeps with his back to the wall. He needs to double-check when you go out alone on CCTV. He watches over you and he can get really scared. 

It’s not smothering, per se, but it is something that he needs to work on and very well acknowledge that he is doing. It’s not healthy for him to live like that, but the fear is warranted so that’s hard to fight. He, just like Saeran, understands that he has a long road ahead of him to get better... but he wants to, and the willingness to be ready to fight for yourself is the first step in the long battle. If someone isn’t willing to fight, then it’s not going to work. 

With your own fears, I think they would both be happy to help you work on your own fears and help you in your own battle. Support systems are important, and the Choi boys want you to feel safe and loved too. Fear is fear, but love is love, and it’ll be okay. If you find comfort in them, don’t fear that things would spiral out of control, there will be hard nights, but it will be okay. At the end of the day, you’ve got someone that cares about you as much as you care about them.

It’s about being willing to be honest. 

Being honest is hard, but you have to acknowledge it. It’s something that the three of you can work on together, no matter what timeline this is. Like, to give you a personal example, even though I love Saeran, I would have a hard time myself being there in the physical form. One of my triggers is loud voices, and I would have an issue with Suit Saeran as well even though I tend to try to rationalize anger and fear to combat my anxiety. I can’t control the fact that I cry when people scream at me, though. 

But, I do control how I let it affect me afterward and that’s a part of my personal battle to cope and to heal... and knowing that Saeran is just fighting so hard to control himself and he feels so twisted up, well, I have faith in him even when he is angry and lost. That’s me though, I have faith in people. It’s just good, to be honest with yourself and know that you can find comfort and rationality in that love.