#i do get 'if you don't give it to them they'll Starve to death and that's alright...' stuck in my head sometimes

[cuntservant]

this is not the exact same obviously but this shit with making palestinians seem like a bunch of scammers made me remember every time i've heard somebody say oh yeah i don't give money to homeless people because what if they spend it on ALCOHOL and DRUGS. yeah brother god forbid! your singular dollar and 40 cents cannot go to such a waste

[larnax]

Infinity emoji :3

from A Poem by AJJ from Good Luck Everybody

"If you don't give it to them they′ll starve

If you don't give it to them they'll starve to death

If you don′t give it to them they′ll starve to death and that's alright"

[uss-edsall]

Band of Brothers and the Holocaust

Speaking as someone who has studied the Shoah, but her focus was on what Allied soldiers did when they discovered a concentration camp? Band of Brothers' Why We Fight is the most accurate portrayal of liberating a concentration camp in any WWII media.

It has every single element of what happened, while also conveying the human experience of the tragedy.

In the following post I am going to write out the general nature of what happened when an Allied unit found a concentration camp. Interspersed will be dialogue in indents and italics direct from Band of Brothers.

The war is coming to a close. The soldiers are looking forward to going home. The mood is fairly upbeat, morale is high. There's been rumours that some bad stuff's been happening, it's known Jews and others were being persecuted, but it's not something on the mind of the average American or British enlisted soldier. Your farmboys and streetrats want to go home. They want mom's food, dad's firm hand, to play with their kid they haven't seen in three years - six if they're British.

Then...

It sure is quiet. He is right, fellas.

They find it.

A camp situated far from anywhere else. A camp in a wholly deforested area. A camp where no birds sing, no animals make noise. Ashy smoke on the horizon. Skeletal figures in striped clothes, staring at them, averting their eyes like beaten dogs. The smoke of burning buildings, dead bodies just laying about.

Major Winters! Uh, we found something. We're out on patrol and uh, we came across this. What, what, what, what? Frank, Frank, what is it? I don't know sir. I don't know.

The reaction, of course, is sheer horror. The deaths these men have seen were almost all in combat. This is not combat. They don't have a word for it. This is genocide, but they don't know that word. Genocide as a term has not been invented yet. It will be specifically to describe what they are now bearing witness to.

Look at their arms. Like cattle. Goddamn.

These soldiers don't know what to do. They've never seen anything like this before and there are no contingencies. But they are men of action. Trained to act no matter what. After the initial shock, after the initial arrival, they spring into motion. These prisoners are starving, obviously. They need food, they need water, they need medical attention. The soldiers distribute what they've got on them, try to help where they can, how little they can.

All right, boys. These people need care. Give them water and any spare rations you might have. Grab me some blankets, quick.

They find and procure more food and bring it to the camps.

Let's go, let's pick up the pace, come on! Sergeant Martin, get whatever we can fit on the deuce and a half.

Their desire to help, to save, it kills people. Refeeding syndrome - the severely malnourished, the starving, feeding them rations meant to keep a man at the top of his physical fitness going every day, the rich bread and cheese of a regular bakery, it overwhelms the stomach. Survivors on the day of liberation do not survive it - dead from the actions of their saviours. This is something Band of Brothers does not, perhaps thankfully, depict on the big screen - instead speaking of it.

Proper medical authorities arrive. They are the men who stop the haphazard nature of the liberators' actions, creating systems. They've never seen anything like this either. They're also working off the cuff - but they do know what they're doing, much better than your average kid from Brooklyn.

We need to stop giving these men food right now. They're starving. If we give them too much to eat too quickly, they'll eat themselves to death.

These medical authorities come with the establishment of proper authority in the region. And it's quickly determined there's nowhere to take these survivors who suffered so grievously. There's no place big enough, centralised enough to keep them safe from others, to keep them in one place to be properly fed and properly treated. No place, except...

We need to keep them in the camp til we can find a place for 'em. You want us to lock these people back up?! We got no choice, Nix. Otherwise they might scatter. We need to keep them centralized so we can supervise their food intake and medical treatment. So, until we find some place better...

The soldiers who have come to the rescue must force the liberated back into the camps. Back into the sight of all their horrors that they want to leave so badly. They have to, to help them get what they need.

The initial forces have to move on. The war is still continuing. They are combat troops, the spearhead of their respective frontline. They aren't guards, they aren't doctors. Their expertise lies in killing, not saving. Yet they tried to do so, to save those they could. When confronted with that, who couldn't?

Tenth Armored are gonna supervise clean-up. What about us? We head out for, uh... Thailheim, Thalheim, tomorrow.

The morale of the men has been shattered, having become first-hand witnesses to the Holocaust. So too, however, has their resolve to see this thing through been hardened, sharpened into a blade that will cut out the heart of fascism in Germany. They react with anger, enraged at the fact that German civilians insist they did not do it.

I said shut up, you Nazi fuck! You're not a Nazi? My mistake, you fat fucking prick. How about a human being? Are you one of those? Or are you gonna tell me that you never smelled the fucking stench?

Martial law is enacted. Commanders give orders to force the populations of nearby villages, towns, cities, to come out in their Sunday best. Everybody who can walk must come - come to the camp, come to see the horrors that they had ignored. Imprint the memory in their brains and know they let this happen. Then, with their own hands, pick up the bodies and bury them. This is what Nixon sees when he returns to the camp after Easy moved on - the 10th Armored enforcing it.

People of Ludswiglust were made to bury the bodies on the palace grounds of the Archduke of Mecklenburg, for example. At Ohrdruf, Colonel Hayden Sears yelled at his soldiers herding German civilians around a makeshift crematorium. "Make them look at the hooked poles for turning over the roasted bodies. Make them stand closer and look!" This is a term used by the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum as Forced Concentration. It was a policy, at first made by battlefield commanders and then moving up the ranks. No person old enough to comprehend it was allowed to live in ignorance.

Something not depicted in episode nine but is depicted in episode ten are reprisals.

Some troops reacted to the devastation with bloodlust, a vindictive need to take matters into their own hands. Historian Max Hastings wrote of a British tank commander who drove into the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp, pulled out a pistol, shot several guards and drove away. At Dachau, soldiers of the 157th Infantry Regiment machinegunned between 35-50 SS camp guards in a spontaneous reprisal. Heinrich Wicker, the commandant of Dachau, was summarily executed. An official investigation concluded, "in the light of the conditions which greeted the eyes of the first combat troops, it is not believed that justice or equity demand that the difficult and perhaps impossible task of fixing individual responsibility now be undertaken."

What if this guy’s just a soldier? What if he’s an officer with no ties to the SS? What if he’s innocent? You know what? What if he’s a fucking Nazi commandant of a fucking slave camp? Which one? Which camp? You don’t have any proof. Were you at Landsberg? You know I was. You think he’s a soldier like you and me? A fucking innocent German officer? Where the hell have you been for the past three years?

Notice that I have mentioned all these things and then gave dialogue from Band of Brothers for them? How I have barely added more detail of things that were not depicted? It's because Band of Brothers is the only series, movie, or anything else I know to depict the Holocaust and then accurately depict how the liberators of the camps reacted to them - in every single way:

Discovery. The urge, the need, to help - somehow. Distributing food and water too rich for the starved. Orders to stop and herd them back into the camps. Continuing the advance. Forced concentration. Reprisals.

Band of Brothers has it all - I've never seen anybody do it better.

[lottieurl]

PLEASE do share your thoughts on Jackie's parents 👀

THANK YOU for the encouragement. this might get long

let's start with how a while ago i got an anon implying that jackie was pampered by her parents BASED on the scene with adult shauna and them on jackie's birthday. which was the first time it ever occurred to me that people watched that scene and saw something completely different from what i saw. absolutely incomprehensible TO ME to even imagine that because i remember watching it for the first time and thinking that jackie's parents are straight out of a horror movie. there is something so sinister about how they treat shauna all while essentially replacing jackie WITH shauna. shauna gets jackie's gift and i believe (although i'd have to rewach the scene to make sure) shauna blows the candles on JACKIE'S cake and shauna is there with jackie's high school boyfriend. jackie's mother went to her wedding!! the show is not subtle about them putting shauna in the role of the daughter they lost. so why treat her so horribly? when they have no reason to because they don't know she was sleeping with jeff before plane crash before it's revealed to them in that very scene

so what that tells me and how i interpret it is: that's how they were treating jackie when she was alive. there is this insidious sort of cruelty that's masked by fake kindness? but constantly puts you down in ways that's hard to shake off. and jackie was probably Never good enough no matter how much she tried. she only became the Perfect Daughter after death when they could start treating shauna the way they treated jackie. like WHY is jackie such a deeply deeply insecure character? why does she crave validation sooooo bad? and we know she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents from how she talks about her mother when she gives shauna the pills on the plane (and implies her parents are neglectful) and when she says she has curfew and it's very much implied her parents would react badly vs shauna saying she has curfew too but being so unbothered by it she finds time to fuck jeff on her way home lmao. and to me people who fail to notice that are fooled by the appearances. jackie's parents have money and a big house and AFTER JACKIE IS DEAD idealize her. but what they seem not to notice is that the purpose of talking about how perfect jackie was is to belittle shauna. this isn't grieving parents who miss their daughter to me

and now actually let's talk about how i think that interpretation influences jackie as a character. we see how in moments of insecurity she does say things that are... i suppose a mix of self centered and not INTENTIONALLY mean but still hurtful to shauna. but she does usually backtrack and says sorry and her (many many MANY) moments of kindness always come off as genuine to me like she's starved for approval, she craves being loved. i think she keeps coming back to jeff just because even tho she doesn't want HIM she wants to be wanted and wants to be seen as someone who's wanted. but so much of her kindness sometimes feels. how do i put it. anxious? and so i imagine how living with her parents was for her. you're a kid and your parents keep finding ways to belittle you and to shame you but in ways that aren't very obvious especially to a child. you're a kid! you want their approval! so you learn HOW to be and HOW to act to maybe get it. if i am sweet and compliment them and i become the perfect daughter maybe they'll love me. and then you start applying that behavior to all your relationships and you're not even self aware about it. you're a teenager and you're trying so hard

[justapigeonn]

the thing i don't understand when ppl try to defend gray wing's constant bootlicking of clear sky is they'll always bring up the argument 'well DUH they're BROTHERS gray wing would never want to believe that clear sky's a bad person!!' but that entire argument goes out the window when you make them remember that gray wing literally threw hands with clear sky upon discovering he'd exiled their younger brother jagged peak after breaking his leg.

gray wing travels to clear sky's camp to confront him PERSONALLY and when clear sky outright admits that he cast out jagged peak because he was 'weak' and 'no longer useful' to him or the group because of his disability, gray wing's first thought is to get PHYSICALLY VIOLENT with clear sky because he understands how fucked up and selfish his mindset is - and this is only book 1 mind you. he KNOWS that clear sky is willing to abandon those less physically capable than him out of his own selfish interest and physically fights him over it and is still understandably seething over it when he gets home and then we proceed to never reeeally see that side of him towards clear sky again (until one notable scene we'll get to later) even as clear sky gets progressively worse and more violent.

this bit has been discussed time and time again but for the sake of expanding my point - later on in the books when the moor cats come across bumble on the verge of death, gray wing himself and the others hear clear sky sheepishly admit from his own mouth that after finding her alone on his territory starving and desperate, he beat her to the point that she fell unconscious and he left her to her own devices

clear sky severely downplays the situation and claims to only have given her a 'cuff to the ear' but because we've already witnessed him murdering a mother cat over a simple territorial dispute first hand through the eyes of thunder, the likeliness of this being a lie is almost absolute. and what can gray wing do all while bumble is bleeding to death on the ground and turtle tail mourns her? he worries about how clear sky's reputation might be tarnished in the eyes of the moor cats :( as if that wasn't already the case after his wrongful exile of jagged peak and his unnecessarily aggressive and territorial behaviour. all of a sudden keeping clear sky's name squeaky clean is of the utmost importance to him despite him not really caring about about that at all in the previous book and merely standing up for what was right and giving his brother the piece of mind he deserved.

but ok, what happens when gray wing witnesses clear sky murder a cat with his very own eyes? - not just any cat mind you, but an old tribemate and beloved friend/ally of gray wing. surely he'd believe it and act accordingly right?? yeah!.....

....for roughly 5 minutes. even CLEAR SKY HIMSELF appears shocked

later on in the early chapters of the blazing star it's only reinforced

but yeah while that's all the text i can be bothered to sieve through right now, all in all gray wing had like 2 notable moments standing up to clear sky before resorting to being a spineless apologist for him. we KNOW he is capable of standing up to him and gray wing KNOWS what clear sky is capable of and what he's done but then he switches gears for little known reason. there's compassion and then there's sheer stupidity and gray wing repeatedly displays the latter.

i have no problem with gray wing still retaining some level of nostalgia and love towards clear because at the end of the day, yes, they are brothers they grew up together and were at one point exceptionally close, but that doesn't leave him any right to downplay the god awful things he did and protest when others are rightfully hateful towards clear sky.

anyways stan thunder idk why the fandom was always so adamant about casting him to the side and cultivating a rivalry between the two brothers when thunder was always a far superior foil to clear sky in every conceivable way

also p.s. please don't let me stop you from liking gray wing if you want to this is sheerly an over the top rebuttal to a common argument i see used to defend the author's poor writing choices

peace and love ✌️💞

[mjanelupinblack]

starving creatures | chapter one 🖤

pairing: xu minghao x reader // jun x reader (mainly lol)

description: starving creatures have arrived at your homeland in forks. little do you know, they not only intend to drain the blood out of you... they'll also to break your heart in two.

genres: slowburn (please bare with me), fluff, angst, vampire!au

warnings: blood drinking, lot of blood related themes, repressed emotions, family issues, miscommunication, kinda toxic friendship with cheol? blood and smut will be mixed. emotionally and physically starved vampires oops. did i mentioned blood?

minors dni!!!

fic playlist 🖤

w/c: 3.2k

a/n: like i said, slowburn as f*ck. you'll have to wait to have fun with jun and hao but it'll be worth it if you bare with me. also i am having so much fun writing this omg ^_^ english isn't my first language and i don't have beta readers so kind feedback is welcome <3

CHAPTER 1

Joshua Hong had been the first for many things in his life: the firstborn, the first brother to complete his education, the first student among his classmates to perform a solo surgery, and one of the first doctors to try chloroform for his medical procedures, as anesthesia wasn't nearly as developed as it is now.

He was also the first one to be turned.

No other outcome could have been expected. People like him - young, enthusiastic, seemingly blessed by the gods - had to have some divine punishment waiting for them. Josh's penance would be to live forever with his luck... and to have it slowly fade into misfortune.

As a doctor, he never thought life could be eternal. He had witnessed all types of miracles at Paris Salpêtrière, but no soul had ever gotten to escape the sweet lullabies of death. At first, he felt terrible about it. Doctor Pierre had told him to get used to it, as God only gives special treatment to his friends. Little did he know, Pierre was a close friend of Him. He didn't notice it until he found himself digging a blade into his tutor's jugular vein.

No pulse could be found, but Pierre's breaths were still steady.

"Let's go, Josh! Everything's packed!" Vernon shouted as he got into the driver's seat.

"Do we really have to go through this again?" Jun complained, as if it would change anything. For the last time, he stared at the California house that had been their home for the past ten years.

He always got too attached.

"C'mon, man, you know it's better this way," Vernon replied.

From the passenger seat, Joshua looked at them. Minghao rubbed his brother's back and gently pushed him into the car despite his deep and frustrated sighs. This might be the worst part. But upon reflection, the worst part might also involve the one where locals started noticing their lack of aging, leading him to search for a new town.

"Jun, you can't be mad..." Vernon tried.

"Hum, yes, I can be mad," Jun countered. "And I can't believe you all think it's possible to move from California to this nowhere town."

"This 'nowhere town' is called Forks, alright? And it's your new home, so you better get used to it."

Nowhere Town. That's a good name, as it reflected all the peace Joshua had been praying for since Junhui and Minghao joined his and Vernon's odd nomadic, supernatural-like lifestyle.

"It's always cloudy there. You'll get to hang out more often with your friends."

"Sorry, what friends?" Jun asked sarcastically.

"You'll make friends eventually, Jun. Stop whining," Minghao said.

You didn't believe Forks was the best town in the world either. The landscape, always covered by mist and the ground sticky wet from the most recent storm, looked exactly as it did when you were born. You finished cleaning the house an hour before the awaited arrival. The large windows were all cleaned, not a single stain preventing passersby from catching a glimpse inside.

The house was empty for now, as it had been since the heartbreaking death of the previous inhabitants. You sat by the porch, trying to catch your breath and wondering what the new family looked like. Were they old? Were they nice? Certainly, they wouldn't want anyone to disturb them, otherwise, they would have chosen to live closer to the town center.

Surrounded by trees and animals, your aunt's house was known for attracting people who appreciated solitude.

That's the first thing you learned about Minghao.

There is a van approaching from a distance. The new renters arrived half an hour earlier than you planned. You stand up quickly, shaking the dirt off your pants when, for the first time, you see his face.

You won’t be able to forget that face.

"Y/N, right? We talked on the phone yesterday," one of the guys says. There are four of them now. By his introduction, you supposed you are talking to Mr. Chwe.

"Yes! It's so nice to meet you all, Mr. Chwe."

You shake his hand, surprised to find Mr. Chwe, a doctor, looks more like a student who just pulled an all-nighter.

He also has the temperature of an old man.

"Just Vernon, please," he said.

You had a speech planned, but right now you're having trouble remembering what you were going to say. There's a man behind Vernon who looks at you with tender and compassionate eyes. You assume he's Joshua, the one who responded to your emails.

"I'm so sorry my aunt couldn't make it today. As I told you, she's been sick. It would be difficult for her to climb all the way up here. I'll give you the tour, if you're comfortable with it."

Vernon shows his understanding. The same goes for Joshua, who breaks into a sincere smile and thanks you for being so attentive. It's almost as if they're acting like parents. And then, there are the kids...

"Actually, I'm tired. I'm sure we can figure out the house ourselves."

"I could really use some sleep."

"We've stayed in bigger houses anyway."

"Jun, Hao... Enough of that."

Jun and Hao; you're not sure which one takes your breath away more. With their silky, white, shoulder-length hair, they stand in the woods like fairies in a fairytale.

But you imagined fairies to be... more polite, perhaps.

"It's okay. It must have been a long ride for them. I'll leave you to rest." You tranquillize Mr. Chwe with a smile, but think, Morons, in your head.

Almost as if he heard what you said, Jun's face contorts in a gesture that appears both surprised and offended.

"Do you all see that little house right there?" you ask, pointing down into the distance past the trees. "That's where I live. Just call me if you need anything. We're the only neighbors you have around, besides the Boo Family. Oh, and I almost forgot. They asked me to leave you a present since they won't be able to come and say hello today. I left it inside."

"A present?" Minghao asks, his forehead furrowed and a fucked up temper. It's as if you'd just left a bomb or something in their kitchen.

You feel small under his gaze.

"Yes... it's just a beautiful mirror."

•••

Vernon was the second one to get turned.

He graduated from uni, having already killed a man. He tasted his blood, vomited to stop feeling sick, but then got the imperious need to drink from him again.

“Who the hell is this Boo Family?” Jun asks once they get to the house. The mirror is still covered in the living room. There’s no use in unwrapping it as they can’t use it anyways.

“Some old friends.” Vernon answers, face paler than usual.

He made a vow to never to steal a life again. No matter how hungry he was, no matter how weak he could get, he had a strong set of values he planned to spend the rest of his non-desired eternity with, even if people told him it wasn’t the natural thing to do.

“Explain yourself.”

“No explanation needed… Just go to your room, Jun.”

“Are you grounding me or something? I thought we were over with all this weird family shit.”

“I could be your grandfather, how is that weird to…”

“Boo Seungkwan is the man who brought Vernon into this life, okay?” Joshua explains.

Josh had been his mentor. Studying hard for his degree, Vernon was only seven years younger than him and had a mind full of dreams. One of them was to become a doctor as brilliant as Joshua, which, after a lot of sacrifice, he did. But he never thought his desire to be like Joshua would put him into a world so dark and twisted. When he said he wanted to be like Joshua, he never imagined… this.

“There’s your answer.” Vernon says.

He wouldn’t have endured sane this long without Joshua as a friend.

“Don’t worry, mate, we are leaving this place.”

The house is big. Of course, they lived in much larger houses than your auntie’s, as Jun said. But this house… There is wood covering the walls and enormous trees blocking the sunlight from the windows.

Vernon asks himself, is it always going to be like this?

Will Josh and he finally be able to take daytime shifts? Will they be able to walk around town without having to worry about deadly eruptions on their skins?

Sunglasses and long sleeves, then they are ready to go. The offer is tempting.

“There’s no need.”

“What do you mean?” Joshua asks in disbelief.

“I mean… We already paid the girl.”

“And she can keep the money. We’re leaving.”

Jun seems thrilled. What will their new location be? Bahamas? Maybe France? Oh, he loves pain au chocolat! Now it is gonna be great.

“I want to give it a try, Josh,” Vernon says, much to Jun’s disgrace. “Yejin is dead. And there’s no other reason for the Boo family to attack me again.”

“Yejin? Like your ex-friend Yejin?” Minghao asks.

“More like the maniac, out-of-her-mind-obsessed-with-Vernon, Yejin.” Joshua corrects.

“How did you know about her, Hao?”

“I might have stumbled upon your diaries once. But then we moved, and I don’t know where you hide them anymore. So I’m kinda stuck in the middle of the tale.

“Well, well, well… Looks like we know very little of each other to be part of the same family, Mr. Chew. Or should I call you Doctor?”

Jun disappears from the room, not caring for Joshua, who wants to say something to him. Even if he couldn’t move at this dazzling speed, he would’ve been able to escape the situation with equal grace.

That’s the way he is.

“Welcome to Forks, then.”

•••

“So… the new renters are a piece of shit.” your friend Cheol says. It's nice to catch up after a whole summer apart, not seeing or hearing anything from him.

Your ankles ache from the cold wind that bites as you walk the last stretch to school.

“That’s not what I said,” you explain. “The doctors were very nice to me. But the young ones… This guy Jun was in a terrible mood and treated everyone like shit. The other brother was…”

Threatening? But gut-wrenchingly beautiful? Eyes so deep like sinking ships after crashing with an iceberg?

“…a bit serious, I don’t know. When the doctors asked me if there was a highschool nearby, I thought I'd get to make some friends.”

“Are you saying I’m not enough of a friend?”

Okay, that was a low blow and you need to respond to it.

“The whole summer you went missing. So yes, at some point your friendship felt short for me.”

Many years of friendship taught you that you can open up with Cheol whenever you feel sad or lonely. You arrive at school and identify some of the friends he spent the whole summer with. A sight escapes your mouth. You love the guys, but you kinda wish your alone time with Cheol would have lasted longer.

And he notices.

“We can hang out later. Just you and me,” he promises, grabbing both of your hands. “We can sneak and spy on this jackasses’ house. Then you’ll watch them nose-picking and realize they’re not that big of a deal.”

“Voyeurism? That 's the date?”

Cheol pinches your nose in between his fingers and smiles playfully. Same old smile. Same old gesture that makes you feel safe. Even after a whole summer of not knowing what the hell is going on in his head.

“I know you. Don’t act like you don’t like to get into other people’s lives.”

Touché. You admit there’s a certain rush of adrenaline growing in your veins whenever you think about getting into your new renters’ intimacy. There's a certain power that comes with knowing about other people's secrets. Even when you don’t plan to use any of those against them.

“I’ll think about it.”

“I take it as a yes.”

“Take it as a maybe I'd rather go grab some coffee and not do such creepy things!”

You hit your friend in the arm playfully. When they see you coming, the gang welcomes you with a hug and some cheering. Hoshi tells you about how your best friend drank his blood’s weight in beer and none of the parties were near as entertaining as when you are there to join them.

You don’t believe him. You know he’s only saying this to make you feel better. But you have nothing against white lies when they serve their purpose.

“Maybe invite me next time?” you say, knowing that you are asking for the impossible.

Soonyoung looks at Dino, who answers without saying a word. Cheol pulls you closer to him. Silent and almost surrounding you with his arms.

“I really don’t think you’d like it,” Soonyoung says. “Plus you’ve been busy training, from what I heard.”

Of course. Training. You are not sure what Soonyoung must have heard about it, or who he must have heard it from. But this summer, you have been leaving your house at five in the morning everyday with the intention of running your sacred five miles before seven a.m—or whatever number of miles you could do before starting to feel like you’re about to pass out. It has been awesome; wind whipping your skin and not a single thought crossing your head. Just a pleasant sensation of hurt that would leave your legs shaking and your mind blank.

After that, you’d return home just in time to give your auntie her meds.

And then you’d like to run away again.

“Are you getting into a competition or something?” Dino asks.

“Nah. I was just doing it to clear my mind. But who knows… I’m fast.”

“Maybe I could help your train then”

Around the corners, or maybe even a couple of blocks away, there’s a soul with the extramundane ability of hearing your thoughts and sayings with just the gaze of your silhouette.

“Hum… who the hell are you?” Seungcheol asks him.

He wasn't there just minutes ago. You must have been too lost in your own thoughts as the sight of your neighbor makes your heart skip a beat.

Maybe he wants you to introduce him?

“Guys, this is Jun. My auntie rented the house to his family, so he and his brother are new here.”

“Great way to introduce yourself, mate. You’re an asshole, from what I heard?”

You step over your friend’s foot, hoping to subtly silent him. Damn, Seungcheol has a big mouth.

“Actually, I’m here to apologize,” Jun says, much to your surprise. And then he looks at you like no one else is there. “My manners weren’t the best. We had a long trip from California so I’m sure you’ll understand.”

“California? You’re a ghost, man.”

Ignoring Soonyoung’s comment, your neighbor continues trying to apologize.

“I just wanted to let you know that whatever neighborly thing you need, you can count on my family and me.”

Just by the way they’re silent, analyzing every bit of him but actually finding nothing, you can tell that the guys already hate Jun without even knowing him.

And for that, you feel relieved.

“Thank you, Jun. I really appreciate it.”

“My pleasure.”

•••

You live in a place so different than Mr. Chwe and Mr Hong’s new house. It only has a few rooms; none of them fancy and only spacious enough for you to sleep and change in there. The little wooden cabin remains hidden in between the trees, all of them prominent enough to prevent your house from being in plain sight. Rain has to make an effort to fall in between thick leaves. And if it wasn’t because of the oscillating movement of your auntie’s chair, Joshua would´t have found it.

He has always been a good neighbor. It’s a signature part of the made up story he tells about himself every time his life changes. So there he is, standing on the porch of your house with a basket of freshly baked cookies in hand. He expects to find you there and maybe ask you a couple of questions about the Boo family and your relationship with them.

“You didn’t have to” you say, receiving the basket in your hands with guilt wrinkling your eyebrows. “Really. I feel terrible. I don’t have anything to give you in return.”

“You’ve given more than enough. This is just a thank you. To you and your aunt.”

Some persistent raindrops have started to pierce through the trees.

“Come in, I insist” you say, opening the door fully even though it’s kinda messy inside. You haven’t found the time to clean up and embarrassment shows in the crimson red of your plumpy cheeks. “You won’t make it to the lodge before the rain. And I was about to make some coffee to warm up anyways.”

Joshua knows perfectly that he will be able to reach the lodge even before the next drop of rain. Despite that, he decides to enter your house and take a seat at your table, waiting for the cloudburst to stop, like any normal person. In front of him, there’s a cup of coffee. He asked for it without sugar or milk because he wouldn’t be able to enjoy those flavors if you put them in there anyways. Of course, the story he tells is different. It’s easier to explain he’s grown accustomed to preparing his coffee bitter in the rush of his night guards.

“So, California…”

Your friend Hoshi’s observation over Jun had been rude but sharp. California’s sun had rejected Joshua’s family in an inexplicable way.

“Yes, we stayed there for a short time,” he answers. For him, that is not a lie. Ten years really is a short time. “We have a condition. It makes us sensitive to the sun. So long term wasn’t an option.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry for that...”

“It's okay. We just have to be careful. Forks seems like the perfect place for that.”

“Trust me. Forks can give you a lot of trouble but sunny days won’t be one.”

Joshua takes a sip of his coffee. It doesn’t taste like anything, but it’s reassuring to see you enjoy the cookies he baked but can’t taste.

“A lot of trouble?” He asks, eyes full of curiosity. “What do you mean by that?”

Coming from California and —from what Vernon told you— previously New York, you imagine your neighbor has no idea of the consequences of living in a place like Forks.

“Well, a small town can be a vast hell if you don’t keep things to yourself,” you explain. “Forks is amazing. But there’s only a few habitants and they all get bored easily, so rumors fly.”

Joshua’s well aware of how deadly rumors can be. Especially when truth revolves around them.

“Do you have secrets to entertain us with, Mr. Hong?” you mock him, feeling a little more comfortable around your neighbor who’s not only a kind person but also a great baker.

His eyes get all wrinkly when he smiles.

“I’m afraid we’re gonna bore you all,” he answers “And please don’t call me Mr. Hong.”

“Fair enough.” You say, while cleaning leftover cookies from the corner of your mouth.

“What about you, do you have secrets?”

You laugh at the question. Maybe it’s because you know the answer damn well.

“Of course. We all do.”

masterlist | next chapter

[hadesoftheladies]

palestine is a wake up call to all the people in the global south and all countries and peoples that have experienced colonialism by western empires. especially following the western world's response to ukraine.

when you're flooded with footage of children starving, their bodies shredded by missiles, shrapnel and collapsed buildings, when you see once vibrant, beautiful lands reduced in seconds to rubble . . . you realize how easy it is to provoke a white man. all you have to do is a be a person of colour on your land with all its natural resources. that's it. all you have to do is exist on the same soil as your ancestors. and if a white man says you're in the way of his expansion, it doesn't matter what moral ethics you think white people have. it really doesn't matter what you expect of a human being. what conscience you think they have.

you will die. no one will rescue you. they will murder you. torture you. they will justify it. they will make jokes about it. and years later, when it's not too inconvenient for their people to feel guilt, they will feel sorry and still make what they did to you about them. about their "human complexity" and their "nuance." your people will be dead for thousands of years before they "apologize" (not to you but) to their descendants. and even then they'll lie. they'll blame the "internal conflicts of the region." conveniently leaving out who supplies the guns and military gangs. why. what they get in return.

what's happening in congo, tigray, palestine, haiti, iran, afghanistan, etc is not an isolated event. you cannot afford to think so. it's literally what they did from the 17th-20th centuries. the exact same tactics. the exact same propaganda. these are millions of people dying and set up to die within this year alone.

white man sees resource, white man cuts a bloody path toward it. he is superior, so it's his right. it's that simple.

if you are self-righteous about politics (especially toward western empires like france, britain, russia, canada and the u.s., etc.) please understand that the only thing between your "peaceful" or stable country and all-out war is how agreeable you are to the demands of these empires. please don't think these people have evolved or will consider you in any way. they will nuke you, too, if you resist. that isn't peace. we don't have peace with them. they aren't peaceful. complying under threat of war isn't peace. coercion is not consent.

if these insane people can hear from the mouths of their own scientists that their wars are killing their own people and accelerating the death of life on this planet, i don't know why you'd think they have a shred of humanity left in them. that there's anyone in this life they could possibly care for.

reject that lie. that you can appeal to their humanity. how many fucking "peace talks" have we had since hitler? for fucks sake. begin to build your community and focus your aid and efforts on each other. be aware, but also think smaller. focus on local businesses and markets rather than imports. let's change the way we consume (this is hugely important). wherever you are, whichever people concern you, take care of your own communities. give back. even if you're part of the diaspora. just find a way to give back and strengthen your communities. don't let "the drain" empty out in the west. i'm not claiming its simple work, or that i have all the answers. i'm just saying increase your awareness of how these empires and their propaganda function and don't give into them however you can afford to. you know what you can do. you know your own communities and countries better than i do. and we all know that one of the prime ways the empires keep us weak is by destroying or own intracommunity solidarity.

because there is no UN we can appeal to. there is no western "mediator" we can rely on.

they'd kill us all if it wouldn't tank their economy.

internalize that. don't ever let them coax any trust out of you. there is no "international unity" we can have with them because their prosperity will always require our suffering. resist, at least, by reclaiming your mind from them. see them outside of how they have conditioned you to see them. every time your president shakes one of their hands, see the blood smearing them.

don't trust a single word out of their dirty, lying mouths.

[balkanradfem]

I feel that any bad-faith argument about abortion needs to be turned into argument about quality and value of all life on earth. Because we are an intelligent species, and are capable of looking ahead and seeing the consequences of out actions.

For instance, we are living in a world with current ongoing wars, where certain people are given the orders to end thousands of lives, without any consequences or retributions. And yet this is not where pro-life is focusing their intent; apparently once babies grow up it's perfectly fine to gruesomely end those same lives in a genocide, or be starved to death during wars, that kind of thing just 'can't be helped'. But women can be pressured and guilted into birthing more babies, so apparently that's the way to go, sure way to increase the amount of suffering in the world.

But, you'll say, not all born babies will be killed off in wars (weird thing to say honestly), what about children who will live their lives safely and happily on this planet?

Well, tell me how?

Any child being born is going to experience the devastating effect of the climate change, they'll watch whole ecosystems collapse, animals going into extinction, and thousands of humans losing their homes and survival resources. They're being born into a misogynistic world, and if the child is female, she'll experience oppression that she won't even be able to prove is real to the male part of the population.

This child will grow up in the world where empathy is scarce, they'll be bombarded with news about human suffering almost every day, they're likely to come down with mental illness or at least feel that the future is bleak and brings more pain. They're also likely to fall victim to pedophiles, predators, and brainwashed boys who learned to sexually assault other kids due to the exposure of p*rn. Is pro-life trying to protect them from any of it? No. They're fighting to stop teaching them about puberty and what sex is, so once these traumatic things happen to them, they're unable to recognize them or speak about it.

But let's look into even more immediate effects of having a child born against their mother's consent. Once a baby is born, they're alive, but we all know that if they're not tended to, they'll die, experiencing nothing but pain. We always assume women will do this labour unprompted, but how can we assume this?

The forced mother, who is already traumatized from having to go trough forced birth, is likely both unwilling and without proper resources to care for a baby. The baby will feel this, they will know they're unloved. They'll know they're unwanted before they even grow up. As a solution to this, you suggest we blame and shame all mothers for not being good enough, for struggling with post-birth trauma or post-partum depression, for being unwilling to be a parent? You can't control what an unwilling mother does with her baby. You forced her to give birth but you can't do anything beyond that point.

Why did you do it? Why did you make sure a baby exists in a world where there is nobody who wants them, is willing to take care of them or give them a good life? What is it worth to you if there's another unwanted, unloved, suffering child out there? Does it make your life better if there's more human suffering? Do you fight for support of new mothers, for better healthcare, for better resources to take care of abandoned babies, for better institutions to take care of unwanted children? No. You feel entitled to women's unlimited labour and endless caretaking of children they don't want. You don't want to acknowledge it's undertaking of a huge scale, that requires endless resources, finances, complete exhaustion, loss of health, sleep, protection, sometimes education and career. It's nothing to you. Loss of quality of life, for everyone involved, means nothing to you.

As long as there is more human suffering. As long as mother didn't get any say over whether she'll become a mother or not, and how many times, and when. As long as her life was put at risk without her consent. As long as she was punished for something you consider she should be punished for.

And now I'm going to circle back to where I started, the war. Because mothers have to watch their children both go to war, risk their lives in war, and be killed in wars. After putting that endless amount of energy and resources to grow and raise a single child, they'll have to watch them go to slaughter. And what happens if a child dies, as a solider in a war? Mother gets payment for it. That's right. For having that child murdered by someone else, the mother will get paid. Murder of that child is not only okay, legal, approved by government and somehow necessary, but is also rewardable to the mother, who, had she refused to birth that same child, causing zero suffering to ensue, would have been punished. Nobody except the mother can get punished.

If the child was killed in a war, and not a soldier, nothing. Apparently loss of life with extreme amount of human suffering, is worth absolutely nothing. But refusing to put that life out there, is a punishable crime. Because it only matters if it's unborn or a newborn. Once that same baby grows up, it's slaughter time. Humans apparently lose value after they grow up, they're only worth as 'endless human potential' in unwilling hands, but after they've reached the age of 'not a baby anymore', worthless.

We have observed the world for long enough to see the consequences of the actions we make. Women are the only ones who can and should decide whether they are willing and able to bring another life into the world, that is worth living, that will provide a life which is livable, enjoyable, worth being alive for. Life is extremely precious and bringing it into the world where it will be subjected to neglect, torture, and possibly a painful death, is unacceptable.

Caring for mother's rights is the first thing that will improve any child's quality of life. Caring about the environment is the second. Ending wars and debilitating male's ability to even start a war, is a fight for life. Not fighting for them to take control of female bodies, which they'll use to make themselves endless supply of soldiers, endless war resources. Taking control from women always means putting it in hands of m*n, who don't find any problem with human suffering, who celebrate wars, find themselves at home doing massive murdering, torturing and raping of women and children.

Women in charge of life means making life compatible with joy, love, care and warmth. We are the only ones who give children have safety, community, care and protection only a willing mother can give. You're wrangling it away from us further away from control the women are. We are fighting for a world where every mother is willing, and every child wanted. Why aren't you?

[jewish-sideblog]

i have a question. i don’t mean this horribly!! but per this post you reblogged: https://www.tumblr.com/jewish-sideblog/744967243590434816, you believe to call what’s going on in palestine a genocide is antisemitic. can you elaborate on that, please?

I don't want to get in the habit of addressing things other people have said in posts I reblog, because those aren't my words and a reblog isn't a blanket endorsement of everything other people have said. But this topic is really important, so I'll weigh in just this once.

The primary concern I have with the use of the term genocide is Holocaust Inversion. Most people don't have a conception of genocide outside of the holocaust, so the usage of the word genocide is often an obvious ploy to weaponize Jewish suffering against Jewish people. Its sole purpose is to equate Israelis to Nazis and Jewish government to fascism.

Yet, there is a lot of death in Gaza right now. Horrible death, needless death. I think any erasure of that is as horrible as Oct. 7th denial. To outright deny that a genocide is happening exclusively because of the historical reality of the Holocaust isn't just or beneficial. So we have to look at it objectively. As I said earlier today, I'm not an international relations expert, so the following is my understanding and should be taken with large grains of salt.

"Genocide" as a war crime is extremely similar to murder as an individual crime. The key component (besides death) is intention. If you kill someone on accident in most English-speaking countries, you'll likely be charged with manslaughter, not murder. Similarly, genocide requires the intentional destruction of a population of people, well beyond the necessary realities of civilian casualty in active war zones. Death itself, even in large numbers, does not a genocide make. Civilians will always die on the battlefield. Always.

The International Criminal Court says that Israel has to meet standards of care in Gaza to ensure that genocide does not occur, meaning they don't think one has already occurred. There's some dispute on whether or not those standards are being met-- Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International say that Israel is failing to allow humanitarian aid into Gaza, while the Israeli government issued sealed documents to the Hague last month detailing their compliance measures. It'll take a while to hear back on those. Personally, I think starving Gaza is an obvious measure of intention to destroy Palestinian civilians.

Anybody is obviously welcome to disagree with the highest court of international law in the world. But the fact that the experts seem hesitant to make that determination gives me pause. Why are so many people keen to bring Israel to the Hague, not Russia for their indiscriminate killing of Ukrainians or the Houthis for manufacturing a humanitarian crisis in Yemen? Hamas, one of the governments of internationally-recognized Palestine, fully admits to intending to destroy the Jewish people in part. They say they'll do it again if they get half the chance. Why is only the Jewish state called out as a unique, genocidal evil? Must we label Palestinian deaths as a genocide in order to mourn them effectively? Aren't hundreds dead a day reason enough to mourn and to push for peace?

Again, I don't want to deny the allegations of genocide any more than I want to accept them. I'm following the experts on this one. And so far, the experts say "maybe". As long as they say "maybe", anybody who insists on definitely and absolutely labelling it as a genocide creeps at least suspiciously close to Holocaust Inversion in my eyes.

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

thank you for responding, i figured tumblr might have trashed my ask. you’ve helped me a few times already, so thank you for your continued patience as we care for our BP coco! we love her so much and she’s always been a moderately active snake, even enjoying warm skin contact or coming out to explore with supervision. however, for the last couple months we’ve seen almost nothing of her! i figured she was going into shed at first so i kicked the humidity up from 50s to 60s. but after all this time we’ve only seen her for her to eat and it never seemed like she was in shed. i’m worried we’re overfeeding her because even though she’s eating like a champ, she doesn’t seem that hungry to me until we give her a f/t rat (then she’s all about it). my husband is very worried she’s going to starve to death in there because she isn’t coming out so we’re still feeding her every few weeks. i’m more personally concerned that i haven’t seen her drinking much at all.

i was worried for her so i pulled the top off of her humidity hide, and this is what i saw:

are those fat rolls or dehydration? i want to do right by this little lady but i’m just not sure what i’m doing wrong :( i’m happy to take her straight to the vet, but if this is normal i wanted to know first.

So sorry to hear Coco hasn't quite been herself!

So, right off the bat, good news and bad news. Good news: she's at no risk of starving in there, and you also don't have to worry if you haven't been seeing her drinking (most bps will drink when we're asleep or otherwise not watching, so it's actually rare to catch them at it). Bad news: she definitely does look to be overweight to me. It probably looks a bit worse than it is in this picture because she is curled up pretty tight, but I am seeing some fat rolls.

Dehydration in ball pythons looks different - you'll see wrinkles, yeah, but they'll look more like the skin is pulling up. Here are some pictures of dehydrated snakes so you can see what I mean:

Any sudden change in activity is enough to get me a little bit worried, so this is one of those cases where I do think a vet visit would be a good idea because it could be down to such a wide variety of things. My hunch is that you're probably overfeeding a bit; the lack of hunting behavior despite a good appetite is a pretty strong clue there, and snakes who are full will tend to spend more time hiding anyway as they digest. In addition, carrying some extra weight can make a snake less active than usual because of the strain on their bodies.

Now, as long as you're not seeing any obvious signs of illness (wheezing, open-mouthed breathing, any noises, etc.), I really don't think this is something you'll need to rush to the emergency vet for, but I think a wellness exam would be a good idea (if only to rule out anything more serious). Any sudden behavior changes always put me on high alert. You know your snake best - if something seems off to you, it's worth checking out, if only for your own piece of mind!

I think your best course of action is probably just going to be to cut down on your feeding frequency and size for a while. Going a size down and spacing your feedings out will help; I rarely ever feed my own ball pythons more often than every three weeks. They're very easy to overfeed, especially if they have good appetites like Coco!

Like I said, I don't think you've got any sort of emergency on your hards, and I think your best option is just going to be feeding less often, but I'd recommend a vet visit just to make sure nothing's up.

All the best to you and sweet Coco!

[gotta-whump-them-all]

{Don't read this if you are sensitive to the topic of death or drugging, I care about you and your comfort more than anything else}

When Whumpee was kidnapped, Whumper was idealy looking for someone to keep as more or less a house pet. Someone who they could keep at their home for the rest of both of their lives, someone who they can keep they is obideiant and compliant, someone who won't be a problem.

And Whumpee isn't the ideal, not at all.

They are loud, brash, and indepandant. Like a large feral animal that can't be caged under any circumstances. Unless they are made to be compliant. Physically not able to be their usual brash and loud self.

Yep, Whumper plans to drug Whumpee into the compliance.

At first when Whumpee was being drugged it went the same every time; Whumper walked in with a tray of medical tools. Scalpals, needles, sedatives, the full nine yards y'know.

Whumpee would freak the fuck out and would fight. Biting, scrathing, belowing, and anything along those lines.

It would take practically all of Whumper's force to hold them down and give them the drugs.

After that, Whumper would give Whumpee some down-time to let him get used to the feeling of the drugs. They're dizzy and disoriantated more than anything else. And along with the pain, groginess, and terror they aren't a happy camper, one bit.

Whumper realizes that it's hard enough for Whumpee with the entire process of this, so they change their strategy. They'll  start crushing up pills and hiding it inside of Whumpee's food. Even when Whumpee denys the food at first, they realize that if they just won't eat that they are going to end up starving to death.

And now it's been months.

Months of Whumpee sufering.

Whumpee sufering knowing that he is slowly dyeing and losing his life to these drugs.

These days they can hardly even move, or feel their own limbs. They don't even eat most days because they can't bring themself to move their own limbs in attempt to take the food. And if they can move, it's a battle just chewing and trying to swallow.

Whumpee can't move, either.

At first they were allowed, and able to roam around Whumper's house. The only rules in their house was that they couldn't leave and that if a door is open, they can't go in. They can ask to go in, but if they so no, it's a no.

Now Whumpee just can't do anything. Not a  single thing at all.

All they do is sit in the missery of their bedroom, sulking.

Lastly, Whumpee can't think properly.

Whatever drug they are being given messes with their thought process. It takes most of their physical strength to get somewhat complex thought to be coherent in their mind.

The only thing Whumpee can think about is that they are dying and they can't do a fucking thing about it. They are stuck in the statue like state. Curled up in their own bed in a constant state of misery.

[fuck-customers]

I truly am exhausted with our work-centric culture... I had to quit working alongside my degree due to my PTSD flairing up randomly, I already had to switch to studying part time because I couldn't predict when I would be dissasociating. Yet, it has been like pulling teeth trying to get any financial support beyond my student loan. So, to Student Finance, they'll accept that I am part time if it means giving me less money, but UC refuses to accept any of the evidence I have given to prove I am studying part time?? The amount of credits I do is LOWER than their definition of part time AND I gave them a letter from the university stating I am part time like they asked. Make it make sense! I just feel like a burden to everyone around me because I can't be independent enough. All because if you're disabled in a way that makes working hard or impossible, then people think you should just starve to death or live on the streets. Oh, wait. They don't want you living on the streets either, just disappear into thin air.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

I've seen your posts (and other bloggers posts) about antis, and although i don't agree that anyone has the right to dictate what media people are allowed to enjoy i never actually believed that they could be that bad (since I'd never had any interactions with them) and thought their unhinged behaviour was exaggerated. Until I posted a fic with a controversial pairing and OH. MY. GOD.

I have never received this much abuse (and of such a vicious sort) in my entire life. I guess this serves me right for doubting other creators' claims of how awful antis can be. I could just never believe anyone could be this... this... diabolical. But now I'm experiencing it first and it is wild.

Like I'm receiving actual death threats? Because of a 2,000 oneshot? I'm being told that me and my whole family deserve to die slow and painful deaths because of the characters I shipped?? They're calling me a pedophile and an animal abuser because one of the characters I wrote about is a teenager and the other is a human-animal hybrid??? What?

Like, are these people ok? Are they mentally unwell? This is just... I'm in shock honestly that people actually think and behave like this. Holy hell. It's been a hug eye opener and not a necessarily nice one.

Sorry if this message was unwelcome, I just couldn't think of anyone else to share this with. I hope you're having a nice day/evening ❤

Hi hi anon,

Yeah, this is what it's sadly like, and in the most extreme pockets of anti-communities are people who have literally tried to murder other people over fictional characters.

It's truly unhinged.

You have people who just don't like what other people are shipping, which is fine and normal, we all have notps and things we don't like, and then you have the people who genuinely think it's okay to torment, harass, abuse, and bully another person based over something fictional, and those people need to be blocked.

These people coming after you anon, if they're on AO3, report every single one because it might take a while, but those people get banned from AO3. If they're on Tumblr, block but also consider reporting, because death threats get people banned and all anonymous IP addresses are logged on Tumblr's side. If it's on Twitter, block on sight. Don't tolerate them, don't give them the air to breathe, and make sure you get offline sometimes or go to online safe spaces and spend time with the people who love you for who you are, it's the best weapon against antis who have no idea who you are and feel like you're a great figure to bully and abuse.

Ultimately, at the very base of what an anti is, is someone who believes their emotion of 'don't like that' justifies them bullying and torturing other people over fictional characters. It is at its foundation completely delusional, and even people who get 'logical' about it are still going 'my emotions are real enough to justify hurting you over something that is a figment of our collective imaginations.'

Some of those folks are very young, and will grow out of it, and have just drunk the collective Koolaid, some of them are older and always wanted an excuse to bully others but feel 'righteous' and 'pure' for doing it. Some really believe they're doing the right thing, others know they're hypocrities but can be all the more vicious for it. There are many recovering antis, but they're often silent about the things they've done, or the ways they've tried to hurt people.

I'm glad you posted that story anon, but not glad about the response you're getting. Consider moderating comments if it's on AO3, just to choke out the antis for a while. And yeah, practice self-care, because abusers want to hurt and harm others, and if you feel hurt and harmed, the more you can act to look after yourself, the more you thwart their goal/s and give them the big proverbial 'fuck you' that they so desperately deserve.

They do, usually, die down after a while, especially the more they get starved out. They'll often hunt for more vulnerable people. But in the meantime you also might want to inform folks you trust irl that you're dealing with this right now, because antis are unhinged, and online abuse is serious. Take care of you!! <33333 I'm sorry you had to learn about this pocket of 'society' in such a horrific way.

Antis are the worst.

[lordgrimwing]

I am very curious about the Breeding AU and Art Therapy in Mandos, Feanor-style sounds simply delightful!

Art Therapy in Mandos answered here!

and the breeding au . . . oh gosh, this is tough. Here goes - but first some warnings

CW: lots of discussion about reproduction, things that can go wrong during pregnancy, and sexual assault. So, you know, be warned and go forward at your own discretion. oh, also mpreg. there's mpreg, too, because what's the point of a breeding au if half the population can't carry babies!

So, this all started because I had to take a comparative theriogenology (that's the study of reproduction in various domestic animal species) and I really disliked studying for most of it, so I decided to relate as much of the content as possible to elves and make it stick a little better. After some conversations with Nightie, these random ideas turned into a full au.

As many have likely noticed, lots of elves die fighting Morgoth. Lots of orcs die, too, but unlike the elves they seem to breed like rodents so there are always more of them, while the elven population steadily declines toward nothing. Realizing how untenable this situation is, most of the elves decide they'd better start having lots of babies to rebuild the population before they're wiped out. The Noldor, being the Noldor, of course turn this into a science to optimize the process and improve genetic diversity and have more strong warriors.

The main exception to this is the Feanorians. They've already accepted their doom at this point and have no interest (or supplied) in making babies. In fact, the Feanorians , being more LaCE compliant, are rather horrified by what they hear is going on.

Well, the third kinslaying happens. M+M get E+E and love grows between them, etc etc. The twins grow up, food grows scarce, and eventually M+M make the hard decision to send the half-elves away so that they don't starve to death.

Gil-galad is the natural choice as new guardian, of course. He's supported by the recent arrival of the Host of Valinor, and the twins are half Noldor. If anyone's going to accept two ill-kempt and weird peredhil, Gil-galad's the one.

The only problem being, of course, that the Feanorians all know that Gil-galad's people have the nasty habit of making everyone have children.

Maedhros and Maglor sit Elros and Elrond down before send thing them away. The twins already know about what might happened. They're scared but trying to keep a brave face because leaving is already painful enough without thinking about the future. Maedhros talks for awhile about what they've heard of the Noldor, and then makes a big point of telling the twins that as long as they firmly say 'no, we don't want to do that', they will be okay because the other elves aren't monsters and they won't force them - the twins just must be sure to always say no and never let anyone thing the answer could be anything else.

The twins leave.

Maglor watches them go and quietly whispers to himself that they'll be ok, that nothing bad will happen to them.

Maedhros looks at his bother, shakes his head, says 'You fool', and walks away to be alone.

Gil-galad accepts the sons of Elwing with open arms, shocked to realize they are alive. He gives them a tent near his, tells them to come to him if they need anything and he'll help or get someone to help (he is very busy after all). He let's them get settled in.

E+E try to adapt to their new lives. The camp is strange, there's so many customs and social norms they don't know and they've never seen so many children running around. They are very firm in their rejection of anyone who tries to get to know them better.

These youths were raised by kinslaying Feanorians, Gil-galad reminds himself after hearing several complaints about Elrond snapping at anyone who tries to talk to him and Elros starting nearly daily fist fights, he probably should have focused more attention on helping them integrate. So, he summons the twins for a chat to try to figure out how to help them adjust to their new lives and explain that, actually, civilized people don't bite people who say 'hi' to them.

He really was not prepared to have the evening conversation, held over dinner to help maintain a relaxed atmosphere, collapse into Elrond glaring at him while holding the cutlery in a clearly aggressive way and Elros shouting that they aren't going to let anyone force a baby into them. Once he composes himself, Gil-galad adamantly explains that none of his people are in the business of raping anyone and besides that, they've got a few more decades before their of age by elvish standards (even if they do look all grown up already).

And there you have it, that's most of the cohesive plot of the au. Then it's just kind of vaguely connected things once Elrond is all grown up and actually decides he wants to have kids with Celebrian and Gil-galad. And also him being a healer and dealing with some of the complications that can arise during pregnancy.

Oh, and of course Glorfindel and Erestor are here too. The issue being that Glorfindel is a mighty warrior, right? So he's supposed to have kids with other warriors to help make sure there's more epic fighters, but it turns out that these warriors all tend to not a great fertility so that doesn't work out so well. And Erestor is of course like a scribe or something so he's supposed to keep his hands off the warriors (he also isn't interested in having kids). Anyway, eventually they get to be together and it's nice.

Gosh, there's even a whole story worth of idea about some random elf and something going terribly wrong during the end of her pregnancy. Humans help her get to Rivendell so Elrond can help her.

-

And that's a wrap. If you made it that far, haha!, hope you enjoyed my insanity

Ask me about fics that live rent-free in my head!

[mjspenumbra]

on Trolls

This was an editorial I wrote for and published on my currently defunct (I’m working on resurrecting it) website, Shadowstar, back around… oh, probably 20O5. It’s still relevant today.

The Psychology of Trolls

Once upon a time, there existed creatures called Trolls, or so the legends and folktales say.  According to my reference works on these subjects, Trolls of Scandinavian folklore are usually huge ogres with great strength and little wit.  The most famous tales of them have them lurking under bridges to demand payment of those who would cross, killing those who would make the attempt without paying the toll.  Later, so the texts say, the stories told that they shrank to a smaller, dwarfish folk who inhabited caves.  Eventually, they apparently left our world altogether, and were never seen or heard from again.

But those reports are wrong, for Trolls do indeed exist, even today.  They are alive and well and wreaking new havoc on the Internet.

Do you wish to enter a chatroom or participate on a message board?  Beware the Trolls!  They will appear when you least expect it, and demand a different kind of payment from you.  They will assail you with insults, obscenities, and anything offensive they can think of to get you give them what they really want: attention.  They will keep up these attacks to watch you cry out in protest and pain, and the more you do so, the more they will keep it up.  That's what they really want, after all: a reaction, any reaction, for that is the coin by which they measure their success.    The more they receive, the more they will continue the behavior that is giving them what they want.  That it upsets others is of no concern to them -- or, rather, it is of primary concern for them, for upsetting people is their business.

Like the Trolls of old, they seem to have great strength, given the kinds of trouble they can cause;  but ultimately, also like the Trolls of old, they have little wit.  They all use the same tactics, and they all resort to the same ways of provoking people.  First insult members of the chatroom or board by calling them names, ridiculing their comments and questioning their intelligence.  Then start insulting the subject for which the board or chatroom was created.  If that doesn't get enough reaction, start upping the ante by bringing in completely unrelated subjects.  Tell the other participants that they (or the subject under discussion) are prejudiced racially, sexually, ethnically, religiously -- take your pick, they'll eventually hit 'em all, and then go for the jugular: doing all this while throwing in obscene language and casting other foul aspersions on anyone who happens to be within range.  This is, of course, incredibly inflammatory behavior to any marginally civilized person, and a normal sense of justice and fair play naturally demands defense and protest.

Which is exactly what the Troll is hoping for, because they don't play fair.  They don't care about the same things that brought the other participants to the site; they only want to get people riled up and see the trouble they created so they can feel big and strong and powerful because they created such a fuss.  And while they're watching the outrage and anger fly, they're sitting under the bridge, laughing while they chew on the bones of their victims.  All that public indignation has served only one purpose: it fed the Troll's hunger for power and made him happy.  It certainly did nothing for the people who got upset.

Tales tell us that warning signs were put up near bridges where Trolls were believed to be living, to keep unsuspecting folk away so that they would not be robbed or killed.  You could not cross that bridge without losing either your money or your life, so it was better to turn around and ignore that bridge.  Not especially convenient if that was one of few bridges around and you needed to get to the other side, but eventually, the Troll would either starve to death or leave, and the bridge would be safe again.  Until the next Troll moved in, and then the same warnings and behavior would apply.

Simply put, Trolls are bullies.  They are at heart small and mean people who have a need to make themselves feel big and strong, and the easiest way they can find to do that is by mistreating other people and taking pleasure in their pain.  It's not healthy, but it's also not something that will be made better by giving in to the bully.  It is far better to walk away from him, to ignore him, and even suffer a few punches rather than give him what he wants by crying and begging for mercy or even fighting with him.  If you are not a "good victim," he will look elsewhere to get what he wants.  And ultimately, if direct action needs to be taken against any bully, it has to come from the proper authorities: in the case of school bullies, the administration and faculty, or even the police, in the case of Internet bullies, the persons on the site who have the power to block or remove their inflammatory and offensive remarks.

Because if you look closely at what these Internet Trolls say, you will eventually see the truth: They may look like big nasty ogres, but theyre really just sorry little people hiding in their dark caves, coming out to make mischief before running back into hiding where they can watch the trouble they made and laugh all alone in the dark.  They're emotional terrorists.  Ignoring them isn't easy because it hurts to see them say and do things designed to make people feel upset and angry, but it's the only thing that will make them go away.  Ignoring them completely creates an environment that simply does not give them what they're looking for.  It's like soaking the woodpile with water: when the match comes along looking for something to burn, it wont catch, so it must go elsewhere to have its fun.  But everyone must turn their backs and not respond, or the Troll will have the hope that if he keeps at it and tries hard enough, he'll get a big enough reaction to start a real fire.

Be it a Troll under a bridge or a Troll on the Internet, the warning sign is the same:

DO NOT FEED THE TROLL.

[blackjackkent]

Everyone loves a good camp fight.

Sadly, no one else in camp came to help fight the spawn except the current main party (and Astarion, obviously). On the bright side, this is apparently counted as before the long rest, so Hector still had his cloud giant potion up and could absolutely wreck face.

Highly entertained by Astarion's combat, which was AI controlled while the rest of the party was under my control. When it came around to his turn, Astarion wandered over to Hector, cast Invisibility on him despite both of them being DIRECTLY in front of one of the spawn, then moseyed on behind said spawn, tried to hit it with Flourish as a bonus action, missed, wandered away and was smacked by two different opportunity attacks, and then watched as the spawn cast Sense Hidden Presence and knocked Hector right back out of invisiblity.

Phenomenal. Stunning. 10/10 no notes.

Unsurprisingly, all of the spawns vanished into gas clouds and drifted away when they were "killed" so presumably we'll see them again later. (And, probably, they'll tell Cazador that we're coming and planning to kick his ass, but I can't imagine he hasn't guessed that already anyway.)

At the end of the fight, I tried four times to arrange everyone in positions such that Hector would get the post-fight conversation with Astarion; I put him closest to Astarion, I put him farthest away, I made sure Hector was getting the last hit on his turn, but no matter what I did, Astarion would ONLY talk to Karlach for this conversation and I couldn't figure out how to convince him otherwise.

I mean I don't blame him, because Karlach is great, but I would like my player character to have the conversations please. XD

That said - this turned out to be a strangely poignant interaction just because it ended up being these two characters specifically.

I'm going to go with the explanation that Hector darted off to do a perimeter sweep of the camp with Minsc and Jaheira and make sure there were no other lurking spawn hanging about, and Karlach (because she is a sweetheart) hung out with Astarion to make sure he was okay.

"What a mess. Well, at least you've met my family now."

He's smiling slightly, offhandedly, as if it doesn't matter, but it's not fooling anyone, least of all Karlach, who is a master herself at laughing jocularly at terrible situations she is stuck in.

"Was it true what they said? That you gave up fighting him long ago?"

It occurs to me that Karlach can relate to that too. Ten years she spent in Zariel's employ (not long for a vampire, but very long for a living tiefling), and there must have come a point where she realized that trying to resist was pointless and doing what was necessary to survive was the only thing left to her (at least until the beacon of hope that was the nautiloid came crashing through the Hells).

Astarion, however, recoils - clearly taking it as a criticism, a condemnation.

"You don't know what it was like," he snarls. "There was no way out! Once--" His voice cracks abruptly, and he stops and has to take a breath before he can continue. "In my first decade of slavery, I found a... darling boy, who I couldn't bear to bring back to him." He swallows. "So I ran, instead of hurting that... sweet man..."

His voice is thick with the memory, with pain and grief and fear overlaid on themselves across centuries.

"After Cazador caught me, the bastard sealed me, starving, inside a dusty tomb, all on my own... for an entire year."

"A year of silence. Months of scratching my hands raw, trying to carve my way out. More months of not moving at all. Months wishing only for death."

His mouth tightens - whether with anger or tears or both, it's hard to tell.

"So don't you ever judge me for doing what Cazador ordered."

(A/N: Someone bring Neil Newbon back and give him another award please.)

Karlach had the saddest fucking expression on her face through this whole little speech. Perhaps she considers telling him what she went through in return. How Zariel had her trapped in a war she wanted no part of, killing people she had no quarrel with. How sometimes she considered running away but had nowhere to go; how disobedience meant punishment - sometimes of a military sort and sometimes far more personal. How she understands about doing what is necessary to survive, about being trapped in another's cruelty.

But all she says is, "I have no words. I'm so sorry."

He notices none of the nuance of her response; his expression is twisted in rage at the memories, an anger that is trying to blot out the thickness of tears audible in his voice. "Nothing can make up for that," he mutters hoarsely. "Not even Cazador's death."

Without waiting for a response, he turns and walks away.