#i didnt want 2 in the first place tbh my best friend just kind of decided thts wat we r doing :/

[switchbladefightz]

looking at the playlist for the halloween party i'm going to tmrrw and i don't wanna go ..

[insidejiaqi]

Sex for grades (kind of)

was not particularly the smartest girl in school in university. so i had to do what it takes to graduate

————————————

i studied computer science in university. looking back, probably not the best choice for a dumb bitch like me. chose it cuz my friends chose it too. and the bunch of nerds around me were just not it. creeps everywhere.

in my first sem, there was this particular project based mod and i could not understand anything the prof was saying. whats worse was my coding skills were close to non existent and my group mates were all experienced code monkeys.

i could tell my project mates were slowly getting fed up with me. they would assign me tasks that i would take so long to complete they end up just doing it for me. but i do try okayyyyy.

one night i was determined to contribute something. so i stayed late in school to work on one of the tasks assigned to me. i convinced one of my project mates to stay with me. he was the kind of an awkward looking nerd that wears specs. the only woman he ever talked to was probably his mom.

while i was trying to do my task, i would consistently rant out loud about how hard it is and why i keep getting errors. he heard me and came to sit beside me to explain the problems i had.

i leaned in to point at my laptop screen, acting like i was listening and got my boobs caressing his arm intentionally. i know he felt it as he suddenly looked a little uncomfortable. i could see his bulge starting to form. he carried on explaining the issues with my code but i wasnt even listening.

tbh, the plan was never for me to actually finish it. i just dont want to get complained for not contributing :)

"how about i do this and you do this for me?" i stretched out my arm to grab the big bulge in his pants.

he gave me the blank stare.

"come on, you do what youre good at, and i do what im good at. no one suffers"

"errrr"

i got on my knees under the table and started undoing his pants. it was just us there. i pulled out his dick and to my surprise, it was about 5 inches. for a nerd like him, his dick size was surprising.

"stop looking and keep typing"

he immediately looked up and continued working on my task.

I slowly pulled back his forskin to expose the dickhead and my warm saliva drip down on his sensitive virgin dick. he involuntarily moaned and squirmed as i started stroking, coating his dick with my saliva.

"fuck jiaqi, your hands feel amazing!"

"shhhh. less talking, more typing"

I leaned in to lick the head as i continued stoking. he kept moaning and the typing did not stop. without warning, his hands came under the table and forced my mouth into his dick.

"ohh fuck yesss jiaqii. i always imagined you as a naughty dumb slut. jerking off to your pictures when we were first grouped together. never thought it could be real. and now fucking your mouth feels 1000 times better. fuckkkk"

he held my head down for a good 10 seconds while he exposes dirtiest fantasies to me.

"now get up and let me fuck you over the table" he pulled me up by my hair and bent me over bent me over the table. he lifted my skirt and saw that i was not wearing any panties.

"wow seems like this was you end goal since the beginning huh. wanting that pussy filled quickly so you didnt wear panties?"

"nuuu..." he jabbed his dick into me before i could reply and started thrusting in and out.

"fuck you little dumb slut. its okay. i will do your homework for you if you continue being a good little cock sleeve. now call me daddy"

"yes daddyy... fuckkkkkk ughhh"

the thrusting continued as he added a few loud spanks on my ass as if it was not a public place. he was still an inexperienced nerd and just 2mins later he pulled out and shot his ropes on my ass and sat back down on the chair panting.

"heheh how does it feel to lose your virginity?"

"tiring... how was it for you?"

"heheh here is lesson 2. dont ask a girl that."

he was still trying to catch his breath while i started packing my bag.

"now get that task done for me alright? its due tomorrow", i whispered in his ear before leaving.

"yea sure dont worry about it."

I went home and when i arrived home, i got a text containing all the files required to complete the task.

from then on, he helped me do my work for the rest of the sem and i got an A. heheh

————————————

Appreciate yall for reading my sexual recounts. Writing it gets me turned on as well. If you liked it, do give it a like and reblog!

Follow me on twitter at @jiaqi2602 for short snippets and uncensored content.

Till next time!

[kureasblog]

Tuesdayyy🧪🩼

First of all the car ride with my father wasn’t that bad and we didn’t even fight so it was good.

Is soon as I arrived I saw a friend who I love so much who is just glowing and authentic and she has that “I don’t give a fuck about other peoples opinion” mindset, that I really admire. She’s really an inspiration for me.

we had math which was fun and philosophy-boring asf. sorry but it’s the way my teacher is istg.

then we had physics, i hate our current chapter. at the end of the hour he gave us back our chemistry exams and i got a GREAT GRADEEE😙 (half of the class has below average) i literally took my face in my hands and said something so loud like « OMG YES » (kinda awkward) and when i left the class i was SMI-LING. the teacher said like ‘nice to see a smile on ur face’ does that mean ur calling me depressed??💀 i mean tbh im not doing well recently but i didnt know it was THAT noticeable god. i mean he s so sweet n really care about his students + im a special needs student (« handicapped ») so ig he kinda looks out for me.

then we had biology, nothing much. i was sitting just in front of L. it’d be cool if he was in front, i could kinda glance at him but if he is behind me i just feel anxious and overthink everything i do and im like ‘how do i look from the back’ ‘is my bun looking dumb’ ‘what if i have acne on my back’. Like girllll who cares. he’s human, so r you. relax. but i just CANT focus on the lesson. And when i looked behind he was manspreading (guilty of finding it lowkey hot) and talking abt how he failed his test.. (too badd for youuuuu personally i did NOT🤭)(yes yes i like him but i prefer being the best)

then we had lunch with friends (some bitches annoyed me but whatever) glanced at 🚪 M but he never fff notices me, then we went to study at the library (i got YELLED at for chatting when it’s supposed to be a quiet place when every body else was talking but i mean poor lady that’s literally her only job to shush people🙁 like- i was having fun, you’re never having fun, i get it. jealousy’s though.)

Then we had spanish, it was normal. Then we had english it was soooo funnnn🤭

So like no one laughed at our English project which we wanted to be funny but ppl in our class are stuck up and probably found it cringe butttt my group couldnt stop laughing so that’s what matters hehe. they all did serious projects but just filming themselves blank staring at the camera but that’s kinda the embarrassing part to me.

- basically we had to present a project that we filmed at home in groups about a festival we’d create so we were kind of all acting (I was the economic manager xD)and the video of L’s🧪 group was so fun and they were all embarrassed to watch the video in class and they were all red -because it’s awkward to see ur own face projected on the huge screen- which was soooo funny to watch. Personally, I wasn’t really embarrassed about my own face because we didn’t film ourselves from up close but kind of like a report and the camera was moving and I was just really exaggerating my acting n giggling.

also my hair was down and even though i was all red and puffy from sweat i felt pretty.

i just wanted to keep glancing at L, i had to stop myself. also he was so cute n funny in the video istg. he just does this eyebrow raise idk how to explain it but like when he’s proud of himself whatever. whateverrrrr😽 (CUTE >:D)

so then had a break before the 2 hour exam (im in the same exam room as 🩼A’s class)

basically he’s in the same class as one of my best friends so im often in his classroom. and i was hanging out with my friend and he was revising for the exam right after- well, there. i mean it’s his classroom after all-. And there was a former classmate talking with us and i was purposely laughing so cute and doing doe eyes bcs.. bcs leave me alone. I can’t function when he’s near. I HATE HIM. And his goddman black eyes. 😞

And istg i could feel his stare in my direction. but. am i crazy? am i schizophrenic? if he was indeed looking at me, was it positively? was he judging me? was he thinking ‘why is she always here omg so annoying’? like. i know what i gotta do. whenever i feel like he is staring at me, i have to look up and check if he really is. that way i’ll be sure. after tomorrow it’s Thursday, he always glances at me on the day when im waiting in front of their classroom, so that day i’ll actually look up and see if he is staring at me. If he is, i’ll do a little squint like -dude were u staring at me???? to make him embarrassed. or. do a double check. that’s SO a hint of ´i noticed you’. Idk what to doooo

Anyway. I failed my biology exam but everybody did. tomorrow biggg study day.

[sillybeansss]

HELLO ‘TIS MORNING AT LAST!!!! i sent that in ten minutes before i went to sleep sorry

though im kind of mad at tumblr for nor showing me this post because a lot of your posts show up ok my dash usually so

okay actually it isnt morning anymore im at a relatives house sorry💥💥💥

HAIII!!!My weekend has been alright not much has happened which is expected ://

(^^ real!!! nothing happened at all yesterday…and i guess on friday i went to see a christmas tree lighting but it was planned very badly)

And no the diagnosis will highkey never happen ever,,, my mom was gonna plan it but she saw how expensive it was and WE DON'T GOT THAT TYPE OF MONEY!!!! 😭😭😭 but it's okay,, I got Boba and a Patrick pen today so uhhh it balances out trust,,, 

(^^ i do, in fact, trust!!! ouhhh boba sounds so cool!!!! ive never tried it but i want to sososososo baddd!!!! also its what? expensive????? well if i ever had a chance of getting one in the first place i certainly dont now…seriously though, sorry to hear it didnt happen! :[ maybe it was for a reason or something…[trying not to get too religious rn])

ALSOOO I FINISHED A BOOK YESTERDAY!!!>u< I'm waiting for Monday for my friend to lend me the next book in the trilogy I'm so hyped I need to know what happens also I was trying to draw Belarus cause like Deary me I wanted to draw so bad today but I didn't till now cause I had no real motivation but I never finished it cause I started drawing a character from my book 

:333

(^^^^ READING IS SO COOL!!!! ive been reading a book too and its so fun i love it….ALSO BOOK SERIES ARE THE BEST!!!! i remember reading this series once…and the characters were nice the plot just kinda sucked a lot so.!! also im so glad to see you were enjoying it!!! also the urge to draw is do real ive been so artblocked these months but i drew something yesterday so im proud!! also BELARUS MENTIONED!! i love her shes so sassy but they did her so dirty with the whole russia thing…but i think she was made with a certain president/any other type of sovereign in mind…which, as head of state, they do symbolize/represent their country…)

~🫶🏽🎳

HELLOOOO HAIII!!! :3 And yeah I was so surprised so the first appointment would've been 3,000 or smth and the second appointment (I didn't even know there wouldve been 2 appointments what) was 14,000 cash or something idk if cash I just remember my mom mentioning it and I was SHOCKED 😭😭 (maybe it was 140,000 but I honestly can't remember she told me this a few days ago wait yesterday I think actually wait no it was Friday mb,,,)

AND REALLL READING IS SO FLARPING FUNNY AUGHHH My friend finished the last book of the trilogy like in a day which I was honestly shocked and I NEED to read the next book starts shaking tbh :/

And they did her character so dirty why did they do that to her,,,she was quite fun to draw tho🦭🦭

[wanderrlust0]

-.-

idk why he says nothings wrong when i ask him, when clearly something is wrong. ik how he is & when somethings up but he still denied it. i understand if he doesnt wanna get into it rn or he just wants to let it go but like in this case, i pretty much know exactly what its about that could be bothering him & the only way to put him at ease is to talk about it….again! this one specific thing triggered his mood last night & i didnt even think it would. i noticed a red scratch mark on my chest and sent him a pic saying how i think his cat made the scratch. his reply was soo serious, like i could actually feel him doubting me thru the phone. i knew he was questioning if it was really the cat bc he said how he was close to my chest the other day and didnt see anything so that is odd that theres a scratch. !! i immediately knew where his mind went & that thought didnt even occur to me when i sent that pic..like if i knew that would cause him to think of this crazy scenario then i wouldnt have sent that snap in the first place tbh bc right after that, his tone & the way he texted just shifted. hes not the best at masking his feelings like me so i can tell when the energy feels different. i also posted some pics from the hangout on my ig story & he saw it later that night. i have a feeling that added to his misery and all of today it was so prevalent, even if he denies it. idc if he says nothings wrong bc its not convincing and its not just in my head. he went from msging me all cutesy & happy to immediately being more neutral & uninterested. we always send a snap to say good morning (unless we get busy but we still send a snap with whatever we’re doing). he didnt open the app, as well as reply to my snap, until 7:15pm.. around 4 was when i asked him whats wrong (bc i already knew he was ignoring me). his response was that nothing really is wrong and how he went straight to work and his boss switched his assignment. usually id let that go but not when its already past 7 and hes firsttt opening snapchat to answer me ? and i see that hes been on instagram. also.. hes always talking to me when hes either at work already, still at home, or driving to work. the only time he goes mia like that is when something is definitely upsetting him. also!.. when that happens, he will text me after a couple hrs to let me know how hes feeling & why he was silent. he didnt always do that but i told him to bc its not fair to me by feeling like ive done something or just the feeling of purposely being ignored by my own boyfriend. but yeah.. he didnt do any of that this time BC its this whole situation again. i really dont know what more i could do to reassure him about it. i feel like ive done and am doing all that i can rn. its mostly up to him now to let himself figure it out and honestly, just trust me. like just saying.. im not gonna be making that mistake that you (both) did and be stupid with it.. and neither will snow. theyre not a “friend” its actually becoming really genuine and sweet and i wont let it get ruined bc of him doubting me. i also wont let the friendship ruin me and him. i really cant help but compare it to what he did with his friend, especially since i just found out like a month ago. i also have this suspicion that it happened earlier that yr (when we were still together) than what he told me, but i dont even wanna think about that for any longer. i was told by her Husband! that it happened when they were still in school together. that means a year before. idk if i believe that. she mightve lied, but my suspicion’s still there. like i asked him if he remembered what month and he couldnt. all he knew was that it was during our break..-.- the what.…like 1 1/2 month long break. you dont remember which month..? i sound so salty rn omg i dont mean to. im just trying to understand. ill see how he is with me tm bc we barely talked today. kind of glad i worked most of the day so i was able to keep busy and not hyper focus on him ignoring me.

[fanfiction4sooya]

thanksies, i guess this isnt really a problem its like making me confused..so i have a problem in school(yes im a minor im so sorry😔) i like this one girl whos like 1 yr older than me, i really like her and i kind of stalked her ig acc and i knew that she likes aespa..and since it was almost time for school holidays, i decided to confess but, i used my other account and tried to be someone else just to see something..i said "hey i like you, its ok if u dont accept because im only letting my feelings out, i also wanted to tell you that (my name) likes you too but didnt want to confess to you." i kind of exposed myself so it wont look obvious, her friends have beef with me for some reason..and then she replied with "oh im straight" and i was like okay...then i told myself to move on and i did..then when school reopened, she starts searching for me, looking at me, staring, making eye contact with me. and tbh she would even follow me sometimes..i dont want to be called delulu but i know what i saw..and i want your honest opinion on this..

also im sorry if this confused you i didnt really know how to explain😞

Oh honey bun... I am sorry you are going through those tough things.

Well, there's a few ways this could go down. I understand you secretly telling your feelings, you tested the waters; but since you've done it anonymously these looks and stares might be of:

1- Confusion as to why the "person" who told her about your feelings did that in the first place (like she might be asking who of your friends would tell on you like that). I know if it was me I'd feel bad for you having someone in your life willing to tell a major secret like that;

2- Since you told me you are a minor (btw, don't take any of my works to life or interact with them please) she probably is one too or 18 ish, she might not be out yet. You know, it's hard to getting accepted and if that's the case she might be trying to hide it or not show too much and jump into conclusions. Everyone has their own pace when it comes to coming out, not everyone feels safe to do it (understandably so). So try to be friendly if she ever stares at you again and hope for the best. You technically didn't make the first move, someone did it for you so she might be considering if it's true or not. (Also if her friends have something against you she might be scared of going after you and losing her friends or being judged, etc).

3- She is straight and it's staring because now she knows you are a sapphic and in love with her. (Or at least now she suspects it, since there's no confirmation on your part)

Well, that's it. I think patience is key in things like this, specially because you are young and so is she. Just don't let her "rejection" get too much in your mind. It's hard being a teenager, I know, but try your hardest to not run straight into dangerous situations when it comes to dating someone of the same gender as you.

I hope I was of any help, luv 💖💖 and please keep your chin up, hun. There's plenty of girls out there, try to be as confident as you can!!

(if someone has any helpful advice or feels like correcting me on something, please let me know)

[twntyfiveotwo]

i know my fking issue

yes i know. i fking know. i dont care about love. i dont care about who loves me or who i love. all i love is the feeling of being loved. which is why i always become insanely infatuated when i have a dream of me being delicately loved by a face i dont recognise. which is why i lock myself in my memories and reminisce all the good feelings i once had. you see, i know how insane and pathetic it sounds. but it feels good. to know, to remember that i was once loved.

he loved me at a time when i didnt know how to love myself. he loved me at my lowest, when i was so fking depressed and so desperate for love. he was my double edge sword - the cause of my anxiety because i would spend hours with him rather than on things i should do. but also, my safe space. if anything, every night i always always looked forward to our pillow talk with one another. and we would share our vulnerabilities with each other. it feels so raw, yet so real. and the first time he said "i love you" was before we even met each other. i wanted to see him, but i also would rather save myself the look of disgust that would appear on his face because i knew for sure no one would accept my physical appearance. impulsively, we made plans to meet, we booked all our places. and 2 days before meeting, i pushed myself to face my fear and sent him a real time picture of me. he told me, "i'm sorry but i dont think i can continue this". understandable, at least he got the courage to reject me directly.

i travelled as planned. i persuaded him to come down. i said "no strings attached, just come out and we hang as friends if thats ok. i dont have any other company here". he declined. he said he doesnt think it's appropriate. but yet we continued to play games and talked like nothing was wrong. later that night, he told me he was coming down to hang. im like sure, knowing full well how the night would go. we watched a horror movie, and after the movie ended we fucked. as always. allowing my body to be used by a man that doesnt love me. but who the fk cares at this point. the next day i went out with my friends. i left half of my cash with him because he said he was going out and i was concerned that he might not have enough money. we met later at night at a bar, together with my friends. we all drank and played drinking games together. at that point of time tbh fwb was probably the best description for whatever we shared. so we didnt cross each others' boundaries. then as we were going back to where i stayed together, i got tipsy-excited and started doing little skips in front of him. i remember turning back to wait for him, and then walking off side by side with him. as we were about to cross a road, he held my hand. i didnt dare to hold back. i just thought to myself, "what a kind gesture. he is probably worried for me because im drunk and he wouldnt want me running across the road". what caught me off guard was that he didnt let go even after we crossed the road. he continued to hold my hand as we walked all the way back to our accomodation. and when we were back, we fucked again. after the fucking, i asked him, "does this mean that we are back together?" he said, "what do you think?" i said "i dont know" he questioned me, "do you want us to be back together?" and i said, "yea". he nodded his head. i asked him, "what is it that made you want to reconcile?" he said, "im not sure either". i assumed it was cause i happened to be convenient.

or maybe not. because if it was just out of convenience he didn't have to be so sweet to me:

i still remember how we ran under the sudden downpour when we were walking to one of our karaoke sessions. we both ended up being soaking wet. but the first thing he did was to make sure i was alright. he tried to wipe me dry, despite how much of a mess i was. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how excited he looked when i came down from the bus during my second trip. and when we arrived at our hotel, i found it hard to use the toilet because i couldnt stand floor with small tiles. he offered and asked me to stand on his feet despite my size. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how much of a crowd there was during new years eve. and there were all those annoying fuckers that would horn the new year trumpet right in front of our faces. i was overwhelmed. the moment he noticed that, instead of leading me from the front, he walked behind me and cupped my ears as we walked through the crowd. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how there was one time he went out with he friends to drink. he called me when he was drunk and started crying, saying that he missed me. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember on my third trip there, he squeezed in a part time job shift just so we can use some extra cash for our date. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how we climaxed together for the last sex that we had, and i guess it felt really good for him. when we were showering together, he looked at me with those googly eyes. i shyed away from it, and asked him why was he looking at me like that. he said he found me cute. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

i still remember how he came back from his pt shift way past midnight and craved for some cold beer. i offered to go down to buy by myself cause he said he was tired. i went to the convenience store and snapped a pic asking him if that was the correct beer. he called me and asked me where was i. i said the convenience store. he said "stand there, im coming down. when i asked you to go down and buy i meant the front counter of the hotel, not the convenience store! do you know how dangerous it is for you to go out alone this late at night?" and when he reached, the first thing he did was to check up and down that i was alright while holding on to my shoulders. despite being tired. if that wasnt romance, idk what is.

but so what. so fking what. all the moments above didnt change the fact that he ghosted on me. he could have said something if he wanted to break up. maybe my anxious attachment style made it hard for him to breathe. but say something darling, i would have let you go. because truth be told, neither of us were made for long distance r/s. i want to believe that there were some pocket of moments when he loved me. actually, you know what, i do believe there were some moments that he loved me. but i guess, the love was not enough for us to overcome the struggles of a ldr. not that it matter, because this r/s is long over.

but thanks, i guess. he made me feel loved during a time when i didnt think anyone was capable of loving me. and while the rs was short lived, it was one of the sweetest rs i had. in fact, listening to the songs he shared to me & reliving through all these memories made me feel like wow, i actually once had a novel-like romance. so, thanks for that i guess. i still miss you sometimes, why wouldnt i. but boy, the heartbreak you gave me at that time. it drove me insane. but since when does love not drive me crazy. it always does.

[heyitsyn]

Prince Iwa-Chan

Oikawa!Sister x Iwaizumi Hajime

a/n: it aggravates me that my mans bara-arms-iwa-chan is so UNDERRATED!!!!

requests open!!

like look mom, im in love

ofc youre an oikawa

tbh, i dont think iwa wouldve been comfortable w you when yall first met

lets say youre a year younger than tooru

its a well-known fact that theyve been friends since they were really young so you, being oiks’ baby sister, was also part of your little trio

like lets say they met when they were 6

that would make you about 5

since yall have an older sister, you were exposed to the girly girl stuff like dolls and princesses

ngl, tooru was too thats why hes so flamboyant

but seems his fashion style refutes that

ya didnt hear that from me

anyways

tooru had already developed a deep fascination w volleyball bc he saw it being played during the 2000 summer olympics

but you remained w your sister and continued letting her treat you like a princess

im not really sure how old his sister is but lets say she was about around middle school when you were 5-6

however, tooru still made you play w him even though you didnt know how but you didnt care bc you were close w your brother so you would play ball w him

then came along iwaizumi hajime that tooru met from school

he found out that this boy also liked volleyball and tooru yeeted them both home so they could go and play at the back yard

you peeked from your window and you just thought iwa was the most handsome boy youve ever met

ofc, you just bolted down the stairs to where your brother and his friend was

oiks saw you standing by the door w a red face and him, being still a child and not understanding crushes, thought you were sick

he went to you and beckoned hajime to follow him inside

tooru sat you down and asked if you were okay but you just kept staring at hajime

he figured that you were just confused as to who this person was

‘oh! iwa-chan! this is my little sister, y/n! y/n, this is my classmate, iwaizumi hajime!’

cue iwa hitting him at the head

‘i can introduce myself perfectly fine, bakakawa!’

iwaizumi hajime,,,

iwaizumi hajimeee,

iwaizumi y/n

that thought made you turn even redder and you squealed in embarrassment before running back to your room

lmao what

if your personality doesnt align w this, i deeply apologize

i just think if you were an oikawa, you would bound to immediately also be drawn to this handsome specimen named iwaizumi hajime

he be getting the oikawas though

iwa was actually concerned but oiks waved it off

‘don’t worry, iwa-chan. shes weird like that. lets go toss the ball!’

so that was kinda how he met you

now, since hajime basically lived in your house by how much him and your brother hung out, youve slowly mellowed out and gotten to be friends w him

despite your hatred w bugs, you still went w them to explore just bc you wanted to be around hajime

lmao tooru youre now irrelevant

hajime didnt mind and he always made sure you were okay with the adventures of the day

even though you were only like a year younger, he cant help but baby you bc of your much smaller height than him and overall cute baby face

one day, they both came home from school all sweaty bc they raced home

‘iwa-chan! you can settle in the living room while i go shower!’

‘don’t call me iwa-chan, bakakawa!’

‘then stop calling me that!’

he sat down on the couch and started doing his homework when he heard you come home from school

lmao how do little japanese kids go back and forth from school to home at the age of 6

idek how to cross the street

‘tadaima’

‘oh, okaeri, y/n’

you perked up at his voice and you ran to the living room, seeing him

‘iwa-chan!’

he grunted and you threw yourself to him in a hug

if your personality doesnt align w this, i deeply apologize

i just think if you were an oikawa, you would bound to immediately also be drawn to this handsome specimen named iwaizumi hajime

part 2

tbh it doesnt even faze him anymore since you do this to him every time

he continues doing homework and just wraps one arm around you and starts patting your head

‘tooru-nii?’

‘shower’

‘okay’

then silence

but its the good kind of silence

you and iwa just sit there with you snuggled up on him while he continues to add numbers

then it was ruined

by the pterodactyl oikawa tooru who comes flying down the stairs and glomps on to iwa’s other side

‘y/n-chan! stop hogging iwa-chan!’

‘he’s mine, tooru-nii!!’

you pout while iwa turns and gives him a glare

‘shut up, bakakawa! and stop calling me that!’

‘aahh!! you were mine first, iwa-chan!’

‘i was never yours! be quiet!’

‘itai, iwa-chan!’

‘he’s mine forever! we’re going to get married so butt out, nii-chan!’

‘HAH?!’

once everything calms down, yall actually start your homework and work

‘anything happen today, y/n-chan?’

oikawa always asked that question bc he believes its his duty as older brother to be caught up in your life

thats actually annoying bruv

‘hmm, me and the girls in my class were playing princess tea party today and a boy asked to be my prince.’

‘WHAT!’

oikawa is 7 now and he faintly has an idea about crushes and his father made him promise that he would protect you from nasty boys

‘calm down, bakakawa’

iwa mumbled, continuing his homework but also paying attention

‘WHAT!? NO! WHATD YOU SAY, Y/N-CHAN! YOUR BROTHER IS THE ONLY PRINCE YOU NEED!’

‘i told him i already have a prince’

oikawa was so smug and crossed his arms

‘hm, serves them right-’

‘prince iwa-chan and i are going to get married and live in a castle so there’s no room for anybody else’

iwa had to double check and turned red really fast

like who was this iwa-chan

wait, what his name?

his name has iwa in it

is he iwa-chan?

y/n’s prince iwa-chan?

was he really iwa-chan?

‘NO! YOUR NII-SAN IS YOUR PRINCE! IWA-CHAN CAN BE YOUR KNIGHT OR SOMETHING! BUT IM YOUR PRINCE!’

you glared at tooru and shook your head

‘no. iwa-chan is my prince’

you were so shamless about this fact

lmao i want your confidence

from then on, youve called iwa as your prince

like his name on your phone is literally prince iwa-chan

then when you were in middle school, you’ve started calling iwa as haji-senpai

there wasnt even a large event that spawned this

well,,, actually,,

youve noticed that iwa hated the nickname ‘iwa-chan’ a lot and he hit tooru many times bc of it so you stopped calling him that bc you didnt want him to be mad at you

so you started calling him senpai bc he was technically an upperclassman

when you first called him this, iwa was lowkey shook

‘haji,,,, senpai?’

you nodded from your spot on the couch, not looking up from your homework

‘see? i can only call iwa-chan, iwa-chan! OOF!’

that was iwa hitting tooru at the face with his pencil case

‘y/n, you dont have to call me that. we’ve known each other since we were little so you dont have to call me by an upperclassman term’

you shrugged

‘i know. but you dont like it when you’re called iwa-chan, do you?’

‘not if it’s by this trash’

he jutted a thumb to the fallen tooru

‘so,,,, iwa-chan is fine?’

your eyes sparkled at the permission of being able to freely call him that without worry

he gulps at your face and turns away to hide his red face before nodding

‘my prince iwa-chan!’

‘no! my iwa-chan!’

‘shut up shittykawa!’

‘itai, iwa-chan!’

keeping up with the oikawas

this nickname will forever be stuck

since you went to the same middle school, you were known to be around your brother and iwa and even staying behind for practice to walk home w them

it became a bit of a joke to the team of you picking up your prince

one day, a teammate called iwa, ‘prince iwa-chan’ and he almost busted a fuse

was ready to square up bc only his babie can call him that

but when you came through the door

‘prince iwa-chan! your princess is here!’

he turned all soft and squishy and pats your head so gently that they couldnt believe this is the same boy who is the ace

you were interested in volleyball so you were kinda friends w the team but you didnt really care for the sport, mainly focusing on your academics

thats how it really was for you three

they focused on sports while you studied

oh my here comes highschool

oikawa and iwa were already known throughout the FREAKING PREFECTURE bc of how TALENTED THEY ARE AT VOLLEYBALL

and you were already known by your pretty face and your cute personality

basically genderbent oikawa

and just wanted to stop you from reading by telling you that you are beautiful and you are a KWEEN and you are a GODDESS and confidence is the most beautiful thing to wear and best of all, it’s free!!

ofc, youd have to go to aoba johsai bc your brother was there

‘y/n-chan! you need to go where your brother is! you love him, don’t you?’

‘sure, tooru’

you actually went to seijoh bc you would see iwa 

you didnt hear that from me

your first day, boys (and gals) were already flocking towards you when they saw you walking with iwa and tooru

still being the overprotective brother since day1, oikawa was just snarling at anyone getting close to his baby sister

lmao what baby

hes only like a year older

but iwa was being terrirorial protective bc he finds it as an obligation as tooru’s best friend and your childhood friend

when oiks wasn’t paying attention and being drowned by his fangirls, iwa was your bodyguard

there was this one boy who started walking towards you as yall were going to your class but hajime placed an arm around your waist and pulled you closer

‘oh? i’m only at the first floor, iwa-chan. don’t get all clingy now’

lmao, girl hes trying to show that boy that hes your unofficial mans and will cut off his family jewels if he tries to even BREATHE in your direction

umm,,, iwa’s not yandere in this one yall

iwa just rolls his eyes and makes you walk forward until yall are at your door

‘i’ll see you later, iwa-chan!’

‘yea yea. i’ll pick you up’

he starts to walk down the hallway but you poke your head back out and shout

‘i miss you already, prince iwa-chan!’

he turns red all over and freezes for a 0.0002 seconds before raising a hand without turning around

now ladies and genitals

this is when iwa-chan starts to catch feelings like he catches them spikes

your cute smling face and saying his dumb nickname that he actually loves was like a recipe for a stroke for him

it has come to the point at the mere thought of you would make him all flustered and red

it tripled over when this happened:

puberty was kinda late for you and you actually just woke up looking like a goddess one day and you were like, lmao what

your chest just ballooned up and your height just skyrocketed that your skirt was now very short

ew i dont know what i would do in this situation

you were self-conscious about this and was kinda scared 

obvs, you would scream for your mother and she and your father and brother bolts up to your bedroom thinking there was a whole michael meyers in your room

but when you explained that your uniform doesnt fit anymore, she starts making appointments to get you fitted for another one

but you had to wait for a few days

so you went to school looking like a whole snacc

more of a snacc than you did before

when iwa saw you, he had a literal nosebleed in the middle of campus and runs to the bathroom to get all cleaned up

why in the name of asahi do you look like that?!

when you saw your prince look at you in horror and run away, you cried

you were already very self-conscious and him doing that just topped the cake

cake that tooru doesnt have

oop imsorry

tooru reassures you that he had a nosebleed and he was just sick and ran to not get any blood on his clothes

but you just walked away with your head down low

it didnt matter to you if this caught all the student body’s attention

that their precious oikawa y/n, little sister of the oikawa tooru, was a walking perfection goddess Venus

all that you cared about was iwa’s opinions bc he was your prince and your best friend

girl, accept that you actually like the mans

this was the worst day of your entire life and you went straight to your locker to get your gym clothes out and wear it for the day

it was tight but at least it covered skin

and it still attracted enough attention to be catcalled and whistled at

it felt violating

the entire morning, there was more attention and more people flocked over to you and guys were staring at you as if you were a piece of meat, not a girl

‘harry potter is a boy! not a piece of meat!’

sorry i cant help it

you were so uncomfortable that you called your brother during lunch time to come pick you up for lunch bc you were too scared to walk alone after being catcalled during your walk to your class

tooru sends out iwa to go help you as an apology from this morning and he just runs to your class bc you were in trouble and he was going to protect you!!

go iwa-chan!

he finds you sitting on your chair, looking down at your desk as there seemed to be boys piled up on top of each other, trying to get your attention

first world problems, amirite

‘OI!’

that angry grunt but at 2x bass boosted

hearing his voice, you were still embarrassed from earlier but you were so relieved

‘iwa-chan!’

iwa pushes people away and he grabs your hand to pull you up before wrapping an arm around your waist, protectively

‘if i see you idiots making her uncomfortable or even trying to touch her, i will destroy you’

protection and the feeling of safety is my fave

he leads you out of there to the stairway where him and his teammates were eating

he held your hand tightly and you squeezed it, trying to show that you were grateful

even if they were still male, your brother was there and if something happened, they were both strong enough to take them on

besides, its just mattsun and maki anyways

tooru saw you and he hugged you before leading you to the 2 others

‘guys, this is y/n, my sister. that’s mattsun and that’s makki.’

you slightly smiled and raised a hand in greeting

‘yo’

‘hello’

to be safe, iwa made you sit a step down from him so that if something happens, he could protect you

idk how but you do you boo

‘i can protect her too, iwa-chan!’

‘shut up, shittykawa. youre literally sticks and bones’

‘so mean! iwa-chan, you’re so mean!’

you giggled, head leaning down to rest on iwa’s right thigh since you were full and tired and he runs his hand through your hair

mattsun and makki shared a look before asking

‘are you dating our ace, y/n-chan?’

at the mention of dating, you both turned red and you sat up

‘OF COURSE NOT, MATTSUN, MAKKI!’

iwa shouts but his red face and ears betrayed him

‘iwa-chan grew up with us so he’s naturally like that. we’ve adopted him into our family!’

oikawa explained but you looked at him and he gave you a knowing look

oh he noticed everything

the lingering looks during practice

the bashful smiles during hang outs at home

unnecessary touches during the walk to school

oikawa may be annoying but he’s observant and he is smart

after that fiasco, the two boys were a little wary of letting you walk home alone so iwa offered to take you since he was already making more progress and didnt need extra practice while tooru wanted to practice more

‘iwa-chan, can we go to your house this time?’

he turned to look at you curiously since you never ask to go to his place

‘i miss your mom and ive been meaning to go visit her. so can we, iwa-chan?’

you squeezed his hand and showcased your pleading look making him agree

‘fine’

his house wasn’t a frequently hung out spot since your house was closer but you were still familiar with his home since his mother was fond of you

‘tadaima’

mama iwaizumi peaked from the kitchen and greeted him home before squealing at the sight of the youngest oikawa

‘oh my, y/n-chan! hello!’

‘hello, auntie!’ 

she gave you a big hug and you returned it with a laugh

iwa just standing there to the side with a smile bc his mom approves so all is good in life

‘you’ve grown so much, y/n-chan! so much prettier too!’ you turned bashful at her compliments.

then she leaned forward to whisper in your ear but made her voice loud

‘say, has my son finally ask you to be his girlfriend?’

omg mama iwaizumi really ships it

iwa turns red and complains to his mom about being in his business too much

‘don’t be so timid, hajime! y/n-chan could be taken from under your nose any minute now!’

‘dont you think i know that’ he mumbles but very lowly so that no one hears him

but you decide to tease him more

‘no. but i’m waiting for it. i’ll tell you once he does, auntie!’

fed up with the teasing, he grabs you and drags you up to his room to change into comfortable clothing

you sit on his bed while he rummages through his closet for a sweatshirt and sweatpants

‘here! change into these!’ he shouts, still flustered and refusing to look at your eyes

youre an oikawa and you lived to tease so you stood up, tossing the clothes to the side and wrapping your arms around his neck

ooo gurl you want iwa to die today, don’t you?

he gets even redder and scowls

‘oi, y/n, what are you doing’

you shook your head

‘nothing. i just miss my prince iwa-chan. you were so brave for saving me today, prince iwa-chan’

the nickname used to not affect him that much but now, he watches the it fall from your cherry lips

‘say my name’

you furrowed your eyebrows

‘iwa-chan?’

he gently shakes his head no

‘my real name’

‘iwaizumi hajime’

you say, distracted at the way his mouth moves

‘and what’s yours?’

‘iwaizumi y/n’

you breathed out

he growls softly before taking your sinful lips

wowza jesus took the wheel bc he stepped on that pedal

we going straight 100 mph up in this bih

iwa really said, ‘skip the confession. imma go straight for my babie girl’s lips. also, proposal who? let’s go get married in vegas!’

it wasnt even been literally 15 minutes until you came bounding the stairs wearing hajime’s signature grey hoodie with his seijoh sweatpants and calling for your auntie to announce you were now dating are going to get married

‘WHAT!?’ 

she screams and comes running from the kitchen, holding a ladle

you flashed a grin while iwa shows a small smile with red cheeks from behind you before telling you that you were both too young to get married

‘i told ya you would be the first to know’

after dinner, you call your brother and hes like, ‘okay, since you’re not at home i’m assuming youre at iwa’s’

‘omgomgomg, nii-chan! i just had dinner with my boyfriend’s family! they accepted me!’

‘BOYFRIEND?! DOES IWA-CHAN KNOW!? HOW COULD YOU BREAK HIS HEART?!’

oikawa just has that special type of voice that even without being on speaker phone, it sounds like he is

iwa laughs at his friend’s worried questions

‘better hand over your princess to the prince, grand king’

oikawa screamed

i hope i did my mans justice 

[gr34srr]

HIIIII ive been going through my pokemon cards recently and i wanted 2 share some cards that have a lot of sentimental value 2 me or weird memories attached:-)

cards under the cut ⬇️⬇️

FIRST UP IS THIS RALTS CARD!!!!!! some kid on the bus traded me this in elementary school one afternoon. I remember staring at the card and thinking it was rlly cool bc it was from 2007 and it was the oldest pokemon card I had ever seen in person. I also was obsessed with the art on it!!!!!! I stared at this thing for so long istg. I love the pose and how u can see its eyes:-)

this was the first japanese card I ever got my hands on!!! one of my best friends from back then had his cards out during class and was showing me them and he had a bunch of japanese ones and I thought it was soooo cool so he gave me one. scrafty is now one of my favorite pokemon!!!

I EITHER. found this card in the bathroom or I took it into the bathroom and looked at it for a long time in elementary school. either way this is the bathroom card. love panpour

OK HERES ONE OF THE BIG ONES!!!! this was the first EX card I ever pulled!!! I was literally obsessed w this thing I treasured it with my life....... I remember showing a lot of ppl on the playground and them thinking it was lame but I was like WHATEVER -__- meloetta is now one of my favorite mythicals!

I was on the bus one time in the afternoon (this is when a lot of these stories take place) and there was this guy in the front of the bus complaining about how he didn't want this card and if anybody wanted it for free and I was like............I want a free pokemon card.....whats the catch and he was like nothing just take this thing and I was like YIPPEE OK!!!!! i was suspicious for awhile but yeah just an awesome mew card. i didnt rlly understand why the guy didn't want it back then but looking back now it could have been gender norms and u know rainbow = gay + this card looks girly

mcdonalds happymeal card. ppl made fun of me for having this. NEXT! -__-

DUDE I REMEMBER BOTHERING SOME KID FOR LIKE A GOOD WEEK FOR THIS CARD I was like I'll trade anything.......ANYTHING PLLLEAAASEE bc reshiram was (and still is) my favorite legendary and he kept saying no bc I didnt have any cards he liked and I remember like trading around trying to scope out a card this guy would like and I eventually traded another kid for a zekrom (or kyurem I cant remember) and the guy was like ok I'll take the trade. tbh I might have traded that and another card I had for this thing. all that work for kind of a mid card but WHATEVER I think its cool ok

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

[projectjasper]

my seanwhite heart is going through it :( i cant imagine how awful that must have been for sean, to have the guy (he thinks) he loves beat him to a pulp after rejecting him. black is really kinda fucked for that.. ngl black is just kinda a bit too much of a dick for me to like him but i hope he gets some like, idk compassion? feelings? i want to like him :(

im so intrigued with the whole who killed seans dad situation though omg,,, with the mention of a new police officer, theres a high possibility it could be that guy too. honestly im kind of hoping its him because i dont want sean to have one of his best friends be dating his fathers killer. i know if its dan theyll make sean forgive him for it but like, idk dude i dont want that like whoever killed his dad is a bad person and probably doesnt deserve to be forgiven. i know dans situation is more complicated than that but ugh idk. regardless acab. sean was right <3

grameugene is confusing me so much tbh ifkdkdfkfjjfk i literally cannot tell what the plan is for black/gram/eugene??? im SO pro poly gramblackeugene but like,, theres no way they do that. i was fairly certain gram was projecting but now?? now i have no idea what hes doing lol

i feel like this episode was definitely a setup episode (not to say it was bad!! i loved it) but im still so confused about whats happening next episode.. like is sean finally finding out? why didnt he realize it was black if he already had a feeling there were two of them? wtf is black doing?? whats grams deal? are they still going to try to do the plan with TWO (2) people in the group shot? why hasnt black met with anyone other than white and sean??

next ep pls answer my questions >:(

-lost anon

heyyy, lost anon!!

i am not feeling black rn to be honest. i never have, and my gut feeling didn't fail me. so far, i just don't like him. he's way too much.

i think it's interesting how personal involvement makes it easier for us to be compassionate. i don't find there to be much difference between the story we heard about sean's father and the man dan killed (if it is indeed two different people). frankly, i don't find there to be much difference between anyone killed by the police. i'm not about to sit here and count all the reasons why dan shouldn't have done it, because there is just one reason - a police officer should not kill people. it's that simple. and any police officer who has? well.

idk why exactly you think they won't do gramblackeugene, but to be honest i feel like it doesn't make sense for eugene to still want to be with black. though after getting to know him properly, i barely understand why they were together in the first place. so far, grameugene makes the most sense to me, provided that eugene's current hesitation is due to reasons other than not liking gram back.

unfortunately, i have no answers to your questions :( i am as confused as you are today.

[words-for-holland]

Christmas Admirers Teaser |T.H.

Pairing: Fratboy!Tom x Reader

Summary:  Tom Holland and Y/N have never crossed each other’s paths in the 3 years of their college career. but can a silly letter change all that? 

Loosely Inspired by Dash & Lily and every other cheesy Hallmark Christmas Rom-Com Movie out there. 

A/N: This wont be a series but this story is going to be really long when it’s done but tbh not sure if Im really like how its coming...Ha...ha.. But I’ll still do a taglist for this when it’s completed so feel free to add yourself if you’d like.

Taglist

Wanna Play a Game?

All it took was one bright red letter and four words to intrigue the most beloved, foreign exchange student of New York University, Tom Holland. If his name sounds familiar to you, then you already know the answer to the question that just popped in your head. Yes, not only was Tom Holland a well renowned actor, he was also a student exploring the wonders of college along with his best friend Harrison. Some say he was only attending to prepare for a role, others say he did it to have his fun with sorority girls, and a very small percentage believed he was actually trying to get his degree in theater. Whatever the reason, college life suited him well, being the head of the Beta Gamma Sigma Fraternity, living the bachelors life with a new girl around his arm every week, but it was all the same...until he found that red letter sticking out of an abandoned shelf in the Potter’s Library.

He remembered it clearly, the day he found it. Tom had reluctantly arrived at the Library assuming his mates would be there to actually study for an exam they had this upcoming week. Lord knows if they didn’t pass this final with at least a C this semester, they would surely relive the nightmares with Professor Gonpu in the next. Yet to no surprise, none of them came and ditched last minute as the pool of messages started to flood his phone.

“Great.” Tom muttered to himself as he took a seat at the far right corner of the library. The area was empty, and as he slouched on the wooden chair and pushed it back, the boy hadn’t realize how close to the empty shelf he was. With a single thud, came a small red letter floating above and gently making its way down to his lap. The inviting words peaked his interest, and while he checked both front and back for a name, the letter should have been addressed to...there was none. He unfolded it and read it to himself.

Do you want a play a game?

You seem like the type of person that has nothing better to do, so let’s make it a little more interesting. I wont tell you who I am, but if I deem you worthy...I just might.

Still with me?

I’ll give you five clues to figure out this location. Everything you need is here in the Library. And...if you even think about using that phone, you might as well put this letter back where you found it. After all.. you’re in a library and it’s got all the information you need. Ready?

Tom looked at it puzzled by the words. “Do people actually do this shit?”, he thought to himself. He continued to read on, examining each clue and the 5 lines next to them.

1. You’ll find your first clue, deals with a tragic romance. He had all the money in the world but never ends up with the one he loves.

“Too easy.” Tom smiled to himself as he quickly looked for The Great Gatsby. He referenced the red letter seeing only 3 spaces for the first clue. “Jay” he whispered to himself, as he triumphantly wrote out the words.

2. Know what else is more shitty than dying and not having the love your life? Writing a depressing poem about the love your life dying. Or as Poe would imagine, a beautiful maiden by the sea.

He smirked at the line, knowing fully well the poem that the mysterious letter was referencing, and quickly headed to the poetry section. Tom scanned the row of books, until the black book with white lettering caught his eye. Flipping through the broken pages, he found exactly what he was looking for. “In this kingdom by the sea, but we loved with a love that was more than love, I and my Annabel Lee.” he muttered the lines, a smile slowly creeping up. Tom writes out the word “Lee” in the 3 lettered blank. “Tragic Romance, how typical.” he says to himself. Though his voice was laced with disinterest, it was Tom’s favorite poem, but he’d never tell anyone that.

It continued on this rhythm of deciphering clues and running around the Library like a chicken without a head to figure out what the letter wanted from Tom. He had been so focused that his plan to study for Gonpu’s final and meeting with the fraternity has completely flown out the window. As of now, Tom’s main priority was to find the answers to the letter’s puzzling challenge. Maybe, if he answered it, he would know who the mysterious writer was.

Then it happened. The last clue was solved, as Tom quickly wrote out the final word, examining his work and trying to make sense of what he found. There were no other instructions left on the letter which only made Tom more puzzled. It wasn’t a name. It wasn’t a thing. It was a place on campus. Jay Lee’s Coffee Lounge, the most serene coffee spot you’ll ever find in NYU. It offered all the essentials needed to focus and complete your work all with a side of great cold brew made in house. People say it’s NYU’s best kept secret, but really it’s because students will rarely go since it’s so out of the way.

He made it to the shop after thirty minutes, and stepped into the calm atmosphere. The smell of gingerbread lattes hit him once he opened the doors, and soft chatter between students filled the air. He looked around the area in hopes to find the person who wrote the letter. Perhaps they were waiting for him, but it was unlikely since Tom wasn’t even sure if the letter was written that same day. For all he knew, he could be wasting his time, and yet....it didnt feel like it. Almost as if he felt he was meant to be here.

“Mate, what are you doing here?!” Tom followed the robust British voice as he whipped his head to the counter. His best friend Harrison, dressed in a Jay Lee’s short sleeved shirt.

“Harrison? You...work here?” He asked voice filled with confusion. Not once did Harrison tell Tom about his side job. In fact it was almost offensive to think the blonde hair bloke would even it hide it from him.

“Yeah...I didn’t really tell anyone because well you know, it’s the last place people would expect a frat to be working in. Reputations and all...What about you? I didn’t think this place was your type of thing.” he asked.

“It’s not...” he paused for a moment, debating on whether to tell Harrison what he found. If it led Tom here, Harrison might know who wrote the letter. He hoped it was girl...God he really hoped it was. “Actually, I was at the library today waiting for you divs --”

“Oh yeah sorry mate.” Harrison looked at Tom apologetically.

“No, its fine really. But I found something interesting, and --”

“Tom, if it’s another blonde wannabe model, I --”

“Bloody hell, Harrison just listen to me. I..” Tom paused for a moment to quickly check his surroundings before pulling up the red paper. “I found this red letter. Made me go on bloody goose chase and led me here. You dont happen to know anything about this do you?”

Harrison took the letter and examined it thoroughly reading the lines word for word and the notes Tom made next to them. He was just as intrigued, but unfortunately shook his head, unsure of the answer to Tom’s question as well. “Sorry, Mate. I have no clue. Never seen anyone here writing out a red letter before.”

Tom held the letter, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Was this it? Did he really just waste a whole 3 hours in the library and 30 minutes worth of gas for nothing? “I just dont understand.” he muttered.

“Look if you really think the person that wrote this letter wanted you to be here, why don’t you just write a message in it and post it on the corkboard? Im working the entire week, so I’ll keep an eye on who grabs it and let you know.“

It didnt seem like a half bad plan, Tom nodded in agreement and grabbed a pen from his bag, writing his reply in the empty space, the mysterious writer was so kind enough to leave. He posted it on the corkboard, and turned back to his friend.

“Dont forget.” Tom pleaded.

“I wont mate.”

[kdramachitchat]

Hometown Cha Cha Cha Ep 7 - The love triangle (and the bromance too) officially starts and Dusik’s past is slowly unraveling. Hyejin’s role in Dusik’s heart becomes more prominent.

After Dusik’s almost accident, Sunghyun was introduced to the neighbors. Sunghyun introduced himself and informed them that he’s filming a new food variety show that’ll feature Gonjin. Dusik asked how they knew each other and Hyejin said that they both went to college. Hyejin also asked how they each other, Dusik said that they met on the street and that them knowing each other is based on lies. Haha.

He seem to be popular among the older neighbors and finally went to Dusik and Hyejin’s spot at the table, Hyejin tells him that he was also popular back then in college. They started talking about their friendship and said its been 10 years since they last seen each other. Dusik started to feel left out and interrupted the reunion asking for him to explain certain things. Things finally settled due to misunderstanding and they both introduced themselves. I see a bromance coming along, this would be a problem. Hyejin and Sunghyun started talking what they’ve been up to especially the dental clinic she opened up, Dusik inserts himself in the convo and tells Sunghyun that he found and renovated that place himself. He’s becoming a third-wheeler at this point poor Dusik. Sunghyun asked if that’s how the 2 met and Hyejin didn’t really tell him the truth. A neighbor was being nosy teasing both Hyejin and Sunghyun. Hyejin doesnt like to be teased especially if it’s far from the truth so she excused herself for a early night, Dusik tells her that it never was a problem and wants him to shut up.

Sunghyun wants to accompany her going home, while Dusik likely jealous decided to step out of the restaurant and accompanied Hyejin home. Sunghyun and Dusik want to hang out together then they all went to Dusik’s house instead. Hyejin tells Dusik not to discuss anything that happened that night.

Sunghyun decided to ask Dusik to be his tour guide in town. They drink, do bets and games with referencing on actor Kim Seonho’s 2D1N variety program (I honestly didnt get the reference as i dont watch his variety show). It was very chaotic and all of them went to sleep after.

The next day, Dusik is officially the guide for Sunghyun’s production team for sightseeing Gongjin and their next stop is Gam-ri’s house. Songhyun intends on making the house the main shooting location so he brings all the team to her house. Sunghyun is trying to convince Gamri and asked for her permission to borrow her house for 7 days. He falls for the authenticity and the warmth of the house. But sadly, Gamri doesnt allow him to and tells him that it won’t work, despite Sunghyun being so persistent. That’s probably why his shows are so successful because he gets what he wants. Him allowing Gamri to have the time to think and leave her alone, eventually will come back. He also cannot think and work well with a empty stomach. We see his work ethic here. Looks like he eats too when he gets stressed.  

Dusik brings Sunghyun and his team to Ms. Yeo’s restaurant. They try a fish dish which brings both Dusik and Sunghyun to utter bliss, describing the flavors they tasted like a food critic. They both agree on the flavors and their bromance especially over food is in full force. The fish they ate is a wild fish-fresh from the sea that cost 100,000 won in Seoul. Ok i admit this scene was really funny, they were so dramatic over describing the fish like it’s heaven to them. After their meal they meet Hyejin and left right after. Sunghyun and Hyejin continues to talk before leaving, Hyejin mentions Dusik’s fees and he offers Sunghyun to discuss about it.

Dusik notices she sounds different while talking with Sunghyun and later mimicking her way of speaking. After his tummy is happily fed, Sunghyun suggests the whole team go shopping to the market where Dusik struggles to keep up with Sunghyun’s energy and childlike behavior when it comes to shopping. Ok i giggled at this. Sunghyun is like a ball of energy and Dusik acts like an old man.

This is just an extra stop before they all go back to Gamri’s house as presents. Sunghyun will bribe her with these in order to win her heart. So he got a plan. Gamri is not falling for his tricks, smart woman but Sunghyun kept insisting that he’s doing this as a repayment for her kindness to her. He keeps coming back and continues to assist Gamri like helping her lift heavy things, cleaning, continues giving her gifts and even fixing her broken lamp. Looks like Gamri is starting to warm up to him. After his constant visits he stops, Gamri is starting to look for him wondering where he is which ultimately gives some time for her to think before she could make a decision.

Later on, Gamri calls her granddaughter who resides in America for her studies. She happily talks to her and asks her to come to Gongjin for a visit where she will cook all the dishes she likes to eat. Sad to say, her  granddaughter won’t be coming home this holiday since she will be spending the holiday in California with her friends. I don’t like how her granddaughter prefers her friends over family shows her unselfishness, compared to Gamri who is so kind to others. Gamri is shown to be lonely and i thank Dusik for being so kind to her like a grandson.

Meanwhile, Sunghyun suddenly appears at the gate of Gamri’s house bringing a delicious cake. It’s been 5 days since his last visit which makes Gamri sulk. Gamri then offers him to stay and have dinner but he says that he plans on having dinner with his friend who is June the boyband member that Juri likes.

Gamri offers to cook them a delicious dinner in return for the cakes and they all enjoy dinner together. June thanks Gamri and tells that he misses having homecooked meals. Sunghyun added that as a kpop idol member he never stopped working since he was young. A disadvantage being a idol. Gamri shows her warmth by giving a piece of meat to his rice–a small gesture of affection. Dusik gets jealous Hahaha and Gamri tells him he’s grown up. I cracked up. Juri is having the time of her life hanging out with her favorite kpop idol.

After the meal, Sunghyun continues to offer his help to Gamri like to wash the dishes. Hyejin volunteers but Sunghyun tells her not to because of her back problem due to her car accident back in the day. Dusik didnt know about her back problem. This is new information.

Gamri is completely happy at this point and she expresses her happiness. It’s been a while she had a big meal at her house. It’s the liveliest moment she had at her house. This really warmed my heart. Gamri should have more happy moments. Dusik visits Gamri and Gamri tells him that Sunghyun can film at her house. She wants to feel less lonely and Dusik tells her he’s happy as long as she is. They continue to drink their milk together.

The next day, Hyejjin wakes up with Sunghyun’s surprising delivery of food like her favorites. They talked to each other over the phone and Sunghyun is curious and wondered what has she been up to over the 10 years.

Sunghyun is happy to see her living comfortably and happy. He then promises to treat her a proper meal when he’s not that busy and Hyejin agrees. Looks like Dusik will be out of the picture for a while when Sunghyun is around.

Later in the day, Dusik and Sunghyun stops by Gamri’s house. Sunghyun looks around the house and Dusik tells him that he’s not allowed to change anything. He also tells Sunghyun that he should ask Gamri anything first if he intends to make the slightest change on her house. Any without permission he has to return the house to her and even the damages that may happen are discussed to be added in the contract, as well as Gamri’s pay. Sunghyun ask if Dusik knows baseball. Sunghyun says that good pitchers dont throw a ball when they can, they have their energy and control with their power. The player throws the ball at full speed during a crucial moment. Is that a hint on what’s yet to come? He said that he’s like that and doesn’t sweat or stress over small things. Sunghyun finally brings up to Dusik if Hyejin is seeing anyone. Dusik has that change of expression on his face, you can see him close to tears. Dusik was silent for a moment, then responded that she’s not seeing anyone. Sunghyun said that it’s a relief. Dusik looks to him with mixed and pained expressions. I sorta felt bad for him at that moment. Like shit someone’s in the way now. What to do?

During the epilogue, we see Dusik being down and Hyejin drops by with a happy mood. They’re completely polar in terms of mood. Hyejin continues to joke around without understanding the environment’s mood. Hyejin tries to carry him back to his house. Dusik continues to look so broken and with a pained tone he tells her to not go and leave him behind.

Dusik better be quick as someone else who’s fast as a baseball player ready to swing for his pitch. If he doesn’t make the move, Sunghyun will.

Thoughts

I like how this drama focused on Gamri and Sunghyun. We get to know them more with this episode. Also tbh with everyone. I do not like Seonho’s acting. I think Seonho when he's plain and the typical conversational scenes he's very weak but can improve. But i would like to point out when he does crying scenes that’s what he does best. He emoted Dusik’s heartache and pain very well at the epilogue, at that moment you would feel bad for him.

[lanchang]

Hello yes I know this has been talked about to death but I can’t get over the SELF SABOTAGE that was Xie Lian pushing Feng Xin away!!! It makes me so sad like xl was in such an awful place and fx was trying his best, but mq had left and the stuff with the heavenly officials went down which damaged him so much to where instead of being hurt and rejected like that again he chose to push him away which was just a self fulfilling prophecy and it hurts ;_;

IT HURTS SO MUCH!!!! its so real tbh like the way its written about how every day he was afraid that feng xin would leave and that fear was eating him up inside and well once feng xin left the fear was gone!!! but then also he was gone.... obviously ive never been in a situation quite as intense as that one but i have definitely had fears about friends leaving me and had the feeling of "well if i stop being their friend first then i wont have to be afraid of that anymore also if i do it myself then its my decision and i have control over it" even when the truth is actually i want to keep being that persons friend very badly... it'll mess you up!! and god yeah it makes me so so sad too like feng xin really was trying his best but there was only so much he could do and xie lian wasnt telling him anything (which i do get like how would you even talk about what happened...) and at that point there really wasnt anything else feng xin could do because it wasnt about him anymore it was about xie lian's debilitating fears and paranoias and it really just is a tragedy </3 ALSO it makes me so sad to realize what an impact mu qing leaving had on xie lian like after the disasters and him falling and his kingdom falling and going from being the golden boy the crown prince who pleased the heavens to being on the run with his parents and his only 2 remaining friends he was still hanging onto his pride and its only once mu qing leaves that we really see how hard it all hits him like its really the first time hes actually lost someone which makes me sad because like that cant be the first person hes lost like did he not really have other friends? i know we mostly just see feng xin and mu qing but still like he was the beloved crown prince.... either it really is that lonely at the top and didnt actually have any other real friends (or at least not after ascending?) or losing mu qing really was that big of a blow.... clearly nothing else before had hit him that hard like he had never experienced something like that he really thought it would be the three of them together forever but they dont make it through that storm together ;___; BUT!!!! book 4 ends with xie lian leaving offerings inside the temples of ju yang and xuan zhen!!! just a quiet little thing before he goes on his way im on the verge of tears idk he forgives them he understands that it was a wretched time and they all had their own difficulties and he didnt act the best himself i mean really he did become the worst version of himself for a while and he swallows his pride and i really think he forgives them right then and there and so when they do meet again hes ready to just quietly have them back by his side and the fact that they're all able to be friends again really is the emotional center of tgcf for me it really is and it and everything else that happens is all thanks to the brief and unreciprocated kindness of a stranger with a bamboo hat 😭😭😭

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD