#i didnt reread this so i hope i made sense

[sapnapstummy]

🔥🔥 sapnap

Finally wrote the sapnap treatment essay I've been thinking about for a while

Tw for fatphobia and homophobia under the cut

I feel like I with never be able to fully articulate what I'm trying to say but I gonna give it a go.

Sapnap in general has been treated really differently in this fandom than Dream and George, while they've all had their share of bad treatment, sapnaps is different for a few reasons. Fatphobia is the biggest one off the bat for me. I know there's a lot of new people who weren't around for Texas sapnap, so I'll try to summarize. Sapnaps always been a liked a little less just due to the fact that he doesn't feature in as many videos and has less videos up. But sapnap faced so much fatphobia in 2020 especially September/November if I remember correctly, this coincided with the huge burst of the dsmps popularity and the dsmp becoming a bit more mainstream, it was also the time when tubbo was getting a lot of bodyshaming and sexualization too.

Looking back at the fanart of this era, there was hardly any sapnap fanart that reflected what sapnap actually looked like in real life (the fandom still has a problem with drawing people skinnier than they are, which is prevalent in all fandoms and has been an issue for a really long time). After sapnap moved in with Dream he lost weight and during the karlnap meetups he was getting a lot more positive reactions, suddenly now that his cheeks were a little less round he's hot instead of cute (or "friend shaped" or "looks like he give nice hugs" or other back handed compliments, god forbid people who aren't skinny be called attractive) and there were a lot of "I'm proud of him" and "he's so much healthier now" posts going around that really showed how people really viewed his weight loss. But fatphobia is never just about someone's weight there's always other aspects aswell. The idea that sapnap was grosser than Dream or George continues even now. Sapnap does gross things sure but he's also clean too, it goes back into putting people into defined boxes. Dream multiple times talked about how clean sapnaps room is, and even just looking at the effort that sapnaps put into his stream room it's clear that sapnaps not this purely messy slob, also during George's birthday stream at Hannah's house sapnap was constantly washing/rinsing his hands. The idea that sapnap is soooo much grosser that the rest of the dteam was tied into the fatphobia, especially considering that multiple times is was said that George wouldn't shower for weeks (but if you called him gross for that then you're ableist)

As I've said before this fandom (and the general young online community) has the tendency to put people into character boxes and give them set traits, they fall into the trap of black and white thinking and can't entertain any grey areas. This is especially apparent with the biphobia dream, and other multispec people, face. There's a lot of "clocking" gay people and "tells" that young people use as a way to determine who is queer and who isn't. Saying that queer people look a certain way has always been a way to alienate people, and it's homophobic, full stop. Whether it's denying that someone is queer because of they way they look/act, or if it's insisting that people are queer, it never has been and never will be a fool proof way to "figure them out" (and it's speculating sexualities which is incredibly invasive).

I'm not going to get into a sexuality debate and I'm not speculating sapnaps sexuality, but sapnap has always read somewhat queer to me (as in relatable as a queer person) and at the very least he has always been very vocally supportive. He's never shied away from play flirting with his friends, he's an adamant homiesexual, and he's always been supportive of dnf. The notion of "sapnap is homophobic and hates dnf and he hates his queer fans" has always been unfounded.

Something that I've seen people say a lot is that karlnap/dreamnap/any sapnap ship with another man, is never going to happen because sapnap is so straight (as if shipping always has to be serious) and it usually comes off as somewhat defensive, I see it a lot after a lot of ship content happens, like the georgenap meetup or the karlnap meetups. People use "sapnap is straight" as sort of a shut down for ship content they don't like. I'll never forget the post seriously calling sapnap "the straightest man ever" and including a picture from the time sapnap was blushing while watching karl change. It comes off as "I don't see you as queer so clearly you aren't" which feeds from the putting people in boxes.

The young queer community has such a hard time viewing queer people as more than skinny attractive feminine white people from progressive areas. Being a queer person born and raised in the southern usa (in a red county in a red district in a red state with a homophobic governor with homophobic laws) I see so much dismissiveness towards the south and marginalized people in the south. Years ago I was in the group of queer people that didn't look queer because we couldn't look queer.

Sapnap is from Texas, he's a southern boy, he used to have a Texas flag hanging up in his room. He's also a sweaty gamer who yells and plays aggressively. He doesn't fit into the twinky gayboy that people try to put George and Dream into, he doesn't fit into the stupid boxes that define what's gay, so obviously he's so straight (especially because he like women and when you like women as a man you're only allowed to be straight because multispec isn't real it's just a middle point before people realize who they truly are, right)

Anyway, this is getting really long and I haven't even mention everything I could talk about, but I'm gonna end it here. To summarize, people mistreat sapnap because they can't fit him into predefined boxes and they don't have any nuance, and I think they should take some time to reevaluate people and the way they think about and treat others <3

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Sometimes I think I must consume media wrong because I don't remember The Lottery by Shirley Jackson fucking me up

Like sure I read it and was like 'wait hang on, what- oh dear.' but I didn't have the 'Dude That Was So Fucked Up I Am Fundamentally Changed As A Person' experience everyone else apparently had

And that ain't a flex btw this ain't a "oh I can read the most fucked up stuff and feel NOTHING" kinda bullshit I just. Wasn't that deeply affected lmao

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

what is this jean/Jeremy/Kevin thing it looks interesting and the art is cool

oh boy oh boy!!!!!!!! i am absolutely going through it anon. so basically there is this book series called all for the game by nora sakavic that you should totally read (the first book is called the foxhole court -- but please check out a list of trigger warnings for it because it is very heavy and deals with a lot of serious and painful topics. i myself have had to disconnect for some of the scenes and come back when i was ready; its completely okay to do so, or to not read the books at all if its uncomfortable). its about gay athletes, guys just going through the absolute worst, the yakuza, fucked up families, a running game of how pathetic can you get answered in 15 different ways by each person, fucked up relationships, all not-so-neatly packaged into a completely made up fictional sport. (its funny because i am NOT a sports person and barely even understand cricket even though i watch it all the time, but i know the rules of exy forwards, backwards, and inside out. its that serious.)

i also need to warn you that the first book is slow. the second book is also kind of slow. i personally didnt have any trouble with it because im more of a character reader and aftg had PLENTYYY to keep me busy, but i think its a fair warning if youre sensitive to pace. however. the payoff is so incredibly worth it. its an amazing read with obsession-worthy characters, detailed and balanced plot beats, flowing and natural dialogue, very creative sports , and the relationships will make you want to reread it twenty thousand times. the romance is also the slowest burn to ever burn. if youre going in for romance at the start, you Will Not Get what you want -- but you will get it. i think we as a fandom focus on the romances a lot (im new so dont take my word for it) but its 1) because we're tumblr dont come and 2) because the romances and relationships are incredibly interesting to see through the lens of the books and vice versa. what i really love most (and youll see this in the ec doc) is that it feels like each and every choice was deliberately made by the author to make the book. like. down to the ice cream flavor they get at one point. especially with the sunshine court, i feel like i can see exactly where she made a choice and what mightve happened if that choice wasnt made. its intoxicated to read. it feels like breathing and it feels like drowning.

i just read the sunshine court (where jean and jeremy are more from) so thats what all the recent stuff has been, but you should read the foxhole court series first for it to make sense. i think tsc is 100000x times better and better written than tfc but you have to work for it lol. and!!!!! the author is on tumblr (@/korakos)! also if you do read it, please tell me!!!!!! you can keep sending anons or you can dm me or you can come to my house and live in my room but tell me!!!!! theres also an extra content doc (thanks @jeansyvesmoreau for sending this to me) between the series' (so after the kings men, before the sunshine court) that you should definitely definitely read. but im getting ahead of myself.

i hope that helps?? or at least doesnt hurt. if you liked the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater, i think this is a good step up. let me know if you have any questions at all!!

okay ive been normal for this whole thing, ranting and incoherent noises below cut:

ANON ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD ITS SO GOOD. ITS SO GOOD. i told mel this but i cant possibly say i love these books because its not necessarily love. its not something i can explain but youll get it if you read it. there is a piece of my soul that was carved out, reformed, and then put back into me by nora sakavic. i dont think ill ever be the same again. i need a therapist who has read these books so they can understand exactly what im going through. each character was like a bomb to me. jean moreau is like a straitjacket. they mean so much to me. theyre nothing. i hate them. i need to feed them breakfast. OUGHHHHHHHHORGHEURGHEOGH. there is so much grief entangled with them but they are so vibrant and full of life it hurts. i cant stop thinking about them. i finished tsc yesterday and ive been sobbing ever since. i am dead serious. i cried myself to sleep last night thinking about one of the characters. i need you to know how real i am being.

i think if i meet nora sakavic i will probably kill her. just fully black out and kill her and not even know it. so i wont meet her for the better! but i need this to be out there. my fingers hurt from typing all this but know that there is MORE in my head. so much more. i am fit to burst with it all. love you anon thanks for asking

[ashesandhackles]

HP Reread - Order of Phoenix (Part 3)

Chapter 25, 26,27,28 - OOTP

Antonin Dolohov murdered the Prewett brothers. He will later kill Remus. He is repeatedly implied to be a very deadly Death Eater, and it is his slashing spell that will hurt Hermione in the climax of OOTP.

Harry feeling horrified and guilty at Bode's death: "How come we didnt recognise the Devil's Snare? We have seen this before, we could have stopped this from happening":(

Hermione deciding to send Skeeter a letter due to the seriousness of the breakout, and how much there is need to change the narrative. lol at her being vague with her plans that makes Ron grumble: "would it kill her to tell us what she is up to?"

Lee being an absolute king in trying to turn Umbridge's decree against her. However, he gets a bleeding hand for his effort and Harry has to recommend him essence of murtlap (an info Lee relays to Fred and George, which helps their products)

Neville improving in DA classes so unnervingly that he is only behind Hermione in mastering the Shield Charm.

LOLLL the entire scene at Puddifoot, where Harry feels like if Roger and his girlfriend kept kissing, he would be expected to compete. And then he looks up to avoid looking at them (or Cho), and cherubs throw confetti in his face.

Harry grabbing the sugar bowl when Cho takes her hand off the table. Harry laughing when he finally understands that Cho is jealous of Hermione. Oh god. The second hand embarrassment is real.

Hermione cornering Rita is such fun. XD I love that she makes use of resources at hand - even if she doesnt think much of the Quibbler herself. (Also, she took Sirius' advice, and kept the meeting in Three broomsticks instead of Hog's Head).

The breakout had gifted Harry a desire to do something, and he talked about the most traumatic night of his life so far to a journalist he did not trust on account of that. This also shows his faith in Hermione's facilitation of his need for justice. These two will be scary in the Ministry together.

also, Hermione knowing that Ginny has been sneaking around with their brooms since she was 6, and her implicit criticism of the way people talk about Ron: "at least my happiness doesnt depend on goalkeeping ability"

"You are banned as long as Umbridge is in the school" - Ginny's association with hope, with future, and comfort.

Angelina not letting Ron resign and Harry giving Ron the space to go to bed and pretend to sleep if he needed to <3

Harry being impressed with Ginny's performance and then going, "I would have been faster tho" the audacity of this boy XD

"An interview? What do you mean?" "I mean a reporter asked me questions and I answered her" and Harry throws the Quibbler at her. LMAO.

Cho apologising to Harry:"The interview was so brave, it made me cry" and Harry wishing that she hadnt cried over it. Ugh, this compellingly messy dynamic.

This is such a hard book for Harry. Being so afraid that you would wake up and look like Voldemort. He bites down to not make any noise during his visions, just because Seamus had recently stopped seeing him as a nutter.

Snape once again projecting on Harry - he brings up the idea that Harry seeing dreams and visions of Voldemort makes him feel "special, important". And Harry reflects it back to him, "No, that's your job, isnt it?" "That is my job." Stop your power struggle with a 15 year old Snape XD

Harry did it! He focused on Snape in between memories, and pushed him back with a protego! And Harry sees Snape memories: that imply a domestic abuse situation in his house (hook nose man shouting at a cowering woman while a boy cried in corner), a clear case of neglect (Snape shooting down flies in a room), and a sense of injured masculinity (a girl laughing at a scrawny boy's attempt to get ona bucking broomstick). Snape pushes Harry back at the last memory, and I wonder if that girl was Lily.

Snape also compliments this, "Well that's an improvement. I dont remember asking you to do a Shield Charm, but it was no doubt, effective."

The lesson end at Trelawney's screaming, Snape runs out and so does Harry. Sneaky parallel.

I really love the description of Trelawney to set the scene. My favorite descripton is her innumerable shawls were coming down from shoulders giving the impression "she is falling apart at the seams."

Dumbledore appointing Firenze is such a power move Imao.

a twinkling red star winked at him - reference to Mars, which consistently shows up in text again and again with Harry. Firenze brings attention to this, and the fact that Harry is directly under it is nice way in text to remind us there is a war coming.

"There are things more important than keeping a job" and Hagrid's hands shake. Because this job has been something he wanted, something his name was cleared for.

We get to know that Marietta's mother has been helping police Hogwarts fires, and Willy Widdershin of the regurgitating toilets was let off after he gave info on Harry.

Percy laughing at Fudge's sarcasm, and Harry for the first time expresses anger towards Percy in his internal monologue. Before he was just shocked and confused.

Kingsley modifiying Marietta's memory, to corroborate with Dumbledore's story. That man is quick. He did it immediately after Dumbledore says they can't prove 6 months worth of meetings.

ooh, it is implied that Fawkes' singing kept the four unconscious on the floor and the moment Fawkes leaves with Dumbledore, they are all awake.

Fred and George sending Montague into Vanishing Cabinet and how Montague gets out (nearly killing himself by Apparating) and gives Malfoy the information needed for the plot of HBP.

Snape the nerd, writing foot long answers. I love how much teenage Snape's body language is entirely different from adult Snape, and how much the adult Snape is a construction. Teenage Snape will lie on grass and scream hexes and swear words at you.

James literally traces and embellishes Lily's initials like a dork lol.

I deep dive into Marauder dynamics in chapter here.

"Wormtail was the only one who didnt laugh" : how cute is it that Remus laughs at his own dry joke XD

There is a strong theme of masculinity in this chapter, and James is making a performance of it with the snitch, with messing up his hair and Harry notices that this is done for the girls by the lake. (Harry wondered why James doesnt tell Wormtail to get a grip, and Sirius does it few seconds later much more unkindlyXD)

The power dynamic of the scene is framed with description of Sirius as "dog who scented a rabbit" and underlines it further by Remus' implicit disapproval (that he avoids by staring into a book, my poor bean) and Peter's anticipation (Sirius line in POA comes to mind about how Peter was drawn to the biggest bully in the playground)

Interesting note about James: he uses household spells like Scourgify for an attack. I can imagine him being similarly creative later in the Order. (it gives me such ideas of Transfiguration being his fav subject)

Interesting to me that even though both James and Sirius are on the scene, it is James Lily is consistently addressing.

Snape attempts a workshop Sectumsempra on James' cheek (clearly not the fully developed version) and James turns around and uses Snape's own spell against him. This moment alone speaks to such history in this dynamic.

Lily's "10 things I hate about you" speech is interesting because she also noticed that he was playing with the snitch (something he had nicked). She was also watching him.

Snape, emasculated by the scene, tries to exert power over one thing he has power over: his friendship with Lily. He uses Lily's otherness in wizarding world to reclaim power in the scene, and Lily throws it back at him by calling him the nickname his bullies call him and commenting on his underpants (therefore his class otherness). Utter dissolution of a friendship.

Lily channels her hurt and frustration at Snape's rejection of her onto James when he tries to help, and does a "10 things I hate about you" speech.

James tries to deal with being rejected publicly by Lily by directing his anger at Snape and threatening to take his pants off, in line with masculinity theme of this chapter.

Harry making Dudley-James associations. He will integrate a more complicated view of his father in later chapters (where he associates James with Ron), but this moment, where Harry rejects hypermasculinity displayed by James (but is keen to not reject James himself), is an important moment of moral growth for Harry.

OOTP - Chapter 29,30, 31, 32,33

Cute trip opening scene when Hermione is drawing up colour coded timetable for the boys (and nagging Harry), Ron brightening at the thought of evenings off and Crookshanks trying to get Harry's attention since he is brooding.

Harry is not only questioning James' morality, he is also questioning Sirius' ('look at what he was like himself') and Remus ('he just let it happen'). Later in the chapter, he wonders - "did he want to be like his father anymore?"

looking at Mrs Weasleys easter eggs, a handsome one with snitches on them makes Harry feel emotional. The way chocolate is tied to comfort + longing and Mrs Weasley functioning as an echo of a home.

lmao the scene where Harry admits he wants to go to Umbridge's office is peak Hermione as mum, Harry as sulky teenager and Ron as Arthur to Hermione's Molly scene.

Harry is so hypervigilant in Snape's class for his taunts, it clearly affects his performance in class. Because Snape is ignoring him, he could whip up a decent E level potion (which ofc Snape shatters).

"He attacked Snape for no good reason - well just because you said you were bored" - the apologetic tone Harry says this in and Sirius' quick "I'm not proud of it" shows how careful they are with each other. It is a big step for Sirius to admit he is not proud of his behaviour (because 2 years before, he all but snarled "served him right"), and this is the influence of Harry's distress. Remus also notes this with a "sideways glance" at him. (Remus also, something he hasn't shied away from admitting, owns his own culpability but is also harsher with himself -"did i ever tell you to lay off him?" and Sirius tries to correct/comfort that with "you made us feel ashamed of ourselves")

Harry knowing Hermione's nagging face lolll ("she fixed Harry with a beady eye and opened her mouth with a determined air") and he just interuppts before she starts lol.

hermione predicting Ron will do well without Fred and George around to watch <3

"Kind of makes you wish we had Norbert back, doesn't it?" yes, Harry. Norbert would be far preferable. I really am not sure why we have a storyline where Dumbledore sends envoys to giants so they can have them as allies (as actual thinking beings with political weight) and then write an entire chapter about how Hagrid is stupid for trying to "civilise" Grawp with English lessons. Why are you writing marginalisation like this, where you validate how "savage" Grawp is? Just a book ago, there is critique on how giants face prejudice via Hagrid and Madame Maxime, but then you're like, "maybe the prejudice has some sort of weight cos giants are brutal actually".

Cant believe we get an entire chapter of this and not Ron's victory over Slytherins and in Quidditch.

More on the giant's rant that I have and my absolute loathing for this Grawp chapter: Hagrid's Tale is one of the few times Hagrid is allowed to act as a competent adult - going with Maxime off country to send envoys to giants. For once, he is not someone the trio constantly has to take care of or save from trouble (it's not something I particularly mind, but I do have a problem here - where there is an additional layer of the fact that Hagrid hasn't had formal education. This entire chapter - he is just made a joke of and it reinforces the prejudices wizarding world shouldnt be having)

I really love the opening scene of Ron basking in the glory of having won the match, and he sits under the very same beech tree rumpling his hair, and Harry grins affectionately at being reminded of his father. It shows that Harry is beginning to integrate parts of his father - from seeing him as Dudley at end of SWM to seeing Ron-like qualities in him.

Cho crying out of temper and kicking her broom away after Gryffindor won the match : what a competitive streak. Love it.

"Hagrid's monster mates" - once again, the narrative needs to pick what giants are meant to be.

Griselda Marchbanks, the one who resigned from Wizengamot in protest against the High Inquistor appointment, is apparently friends with Neville's gran. Daily Prophet snidely said she had links with "subversive goblin groups".

Harold Dingle and his powdered dragon claw and Eddie Carmichael and his brain stimulant trade XD

also ron mothering Hermione asking her to eat a decent meal so she can have good sleep <3

ooh, Hermione wondering if she did justice on Cheering Charms (its the lesson she missed in POA when she lost track of time). I wonder if not attending the actual class makes her feel nervous, and not like she had enough time with the information.

Umbridge's "nasty smile" when she sees Harry's patronus in DADA exam: a hint towards her actual involvement in sending Dementors after Harry.

The confrontation between Hagrid, Umbridge and McGonagall is beautifully written. Really love the atmosphere here with the use of lights from the castle, the hut, the moon over the darkness of the lawn to set up the mood of the scene. The moment McGonagall was lit by the stunning spells sent at her? Eerie.

Harry staring at Parvati's hair while sleep-deprived in history exam cos there was something gold in it. He sure likes shiny hair.

there is a question in history of magic exam about how legislation of wand: whether it better controlled the goblin riots in 18th century. The politics of this is brought up in Deathly Hallows, where griphook brings up how wizards have denied other creatures rights of expanding their magical powers by refusing to share wandlore.

Harry's sheer blinding panic and fear in this chapter hurts to read.

I actually really love how bad the communication is between Harry and Hermione in this chapter. Where, in her desperation to stop him, she calls out his "saving the people thing" in an effort to make him understand that Voldemort's playing into an instinct in Harry, and Harry obviously feels stupid about the way she calls it out and thinks she is criticising it as a an attention seeking thing. It makes him less sympathetic to her appeal that it could be a trap, but the scene anyway ends with him conceding to check with her and recognising her offer to come with him to Umbridge's office as "mark of loyalty."

Kreacher's hands are injured cos he injured Buckbeak. There was a lovely Tumblr post I read about this moment, about how combination of Sirius' indifferent cruelty (towards kreacher) and love (for Buckbeak, Harry) is what pushed him towards the events of his death. It perfectly captures his duality.

The conversation between Snape and Umbridge is hilarious. Snape offering his sympathies to Umbridge in case she wanted to poison Harry ("venoms act too fast to give victims time for truth telling"), the ironic bow before he leaves and telling Crabbe to loosen his hold on Neville because if he suffocates, there will be "lots of tedious paperwork" LOL.

Harry noticing that Hermione was not really crying immediately, and knowing that she is scheming XD These two will be a force in the Ministry. Imagine Harry looking at Hermione trapping someone ina courtroom and being like, "yeah, saw that one a mile away. Sucks to be you buddy."

Man, Hermione is having quite a day. Her inexperience with a plan she is making up as she goes along showed, as well as her putting her foot in her mouth. Umbridge is a threat she has known and assessed well, the centaurs, less so. She will grow from this in DH, when she makes bigger elaborate plans with failsafes on the spot. (For example, the Lovegoods escape)

Ginny being astonished that a herd of centaurs left Harry and Hermione behind - suggesting familiarity with the centaur ways. Interesting character note! (also how her and Luna also clearly pay attention in Care of Magical Creatures, as they both remind the trio of Thestral traits - that they are good for finding places riders are looking for, and Harry and Hermione being covered in blood will lure more of them). I wouldnt have paid attention to this detail without @whinlatter lovely WIP "Beasts".

Chapter 34, 35,36,37,38

Proof of Ron, Hermione and Ginny's loyalty and gutsiness: they are willing to ride an invisible horse for hours in the air to help Harry. (also Luna is so cute, sitting all in side saddle)

Harry thinking the veil had a strange beauty to it, and that he felt a strong inclination to walk through it is an indication of his fascination with death. He isn't the only one: Luna, Neville, Ginny are all similarly entranced. Only Ron and Hermione are not and they drag everyone away.

Sirius' knife, Harry's gift is melted by the Love Room in Department of Mysteries :(

Ginny wanting to watch the bird's progress is so cute. Such a lovely detail - I never noticed this interest in creatures before. But she consistently thinks in terms of animals, she even thought the brains they initially saw were fish. ("his eyes are as green as fresh pickled toad" anyone?)

how interesting that the Prophecy Hall is beyond the room full of Time-Turners.

interesting note of how some prophecies having liquid glow (Harry's felt warm as he touched it) and how some prophecies were blown out like a night bulb. Could indicate that the events they had foretold have come to pass etc.

I love during the entire conversation with Death Eaters, you can feel Harry being hypervigilant. He notices the shifts in Bellatrix speaking and makes decisions - once he speaks Voldemort's name, he holds the prophecy tighter because given that he riled her, he expected an attempt to take it from him. And then of course, he is very "improvise. adapt. overcome" with the plan to smash shelves.

Harry's athleticism shines in these chapters where he is elbowing and ducking around Death Eater attacks, launching himself on top of them, heaving Ron when he is out and flinging him when he needs to help the others, rolling over tables to get to doors quick XD

Neville kicking aside fragments of his father's old wand when he carries Hermione. It's his "I'm gonna be my own person not defined by my father's legacy" moment, a parallel to Harry's own in this book.

I love the tiny detail that Tonks is above on the steps, firing spells down at Bellatrix. The distance she keeps, and the detail of Bellatrix and Andromeda resembling each other to the point they could be mistaken for each other, adds such a layer to this detail.

Sirius and Bellatrix are so caught up in their battle that they dont even notice that Dumbledore had arrived. Speaks to their personal history and intensity of their duel.

Harry's child-like denial is utterly heartbreaking. The way he thinks that Remus doesn't understand because he had heard whispers behind the veil, and surely people are hiding there, and that Sirius is just hiding. It is the most child-like he has been and it breaks my heart.

Remus' voice breaking as he struggled to contain Harry, speaking as though every word caused him pain, or just not being able to look at the veil:(

The moment Harry is angry that Sirius would keep him waiting. It is such a childish, entitled reaction. The boy who never expects anything from his adult figures feels like he has the space to be mad at Sirius for keeping him waiting - and then realises, that Sirius would never keep him waiting. And that's how he knows Sirius is dead.

Harry laughing at Bellatrix right after Sirius' death ("a mad laugh to match her own"): the boy really is his godfather's godson.

Bellatrix loves Voldemort, but also fears Voldemort. The moment he comes - Sirius turns from the mocking "dear cousin" to "Animagus Black." She is super keen to distance herself from Sirius in front of him and it calls to the scene later in Deathly Hallows, where she claims she never laid eyes on Andromeda after she ran away.

"We both know there are other ways of destroying a man. Merely taking your life would not satisfy me, I must admit" - contrast this with Deathly Hallows, where Dumbledore leads Harry away from Voldemort's maimed soul in the limbo. Harry feels pity for it, and even tries to save Voldemort, but Dumbledore is beyond that and this scene conveys it.

"And I'll see Sirius again.." it's not only Harry's love for Sirius that drives Voldemort out of his body, but it is also his very raw desire for death. Something he wishes once again, when he is at his parents' graves. (it is this passive ideation that Hermione grasps at the grave and why Harry's desire for Resurrection Stone terrifies her)

"You've been chasing the wrong man for 12 months, it's time you listened to sense!" Dumbledore's feelings of Sirius' fate are also encapsulated in this line. He claims responsibility for Sirius' fate next chapter, but his anger and guilt at Sirius' death is clear here.

Harry's intense guilt and hatred for himself, where he had never before wished he was someone else so intensely, that he was trapped inside his body and mind. It is this guilt, even though he expresses them this chapter, that he will carry with him in HBP and it will come out in moments like strangling Mundungus for perceived disrespect to Sirius.

"I know how you're feeling Harry" "No you dont" : it is both Harry lashing out his intense self-hatred, but also his feelings of abandonment. In his mind, if Dumbledore understood his feelings, he would not have "abandoned" him through the summer or the year. So this moment of Dumbledore reaching out in solidarity after a year of freezing him out makes Harry angry.

Harry just demolishing his office, and Dumbledore remaining calm and detached through it, until Harry himself matches Dumbledore's tone to let him out. Such a well written scene.

The chapter is good illumination of how Dumbledore's distance/detachment and big picture thinking and how it hurts people: Dumbledore locking Sirius and Harry up (Harry shouting this back at him must be a painful reminder of his time with his sister), Snape not overcoming his feelings ("some wounds run too deep for healing").

"I alone could prevent this, and I alone must be strong" - How Dumbledore rationalises his decisions, the weight of the guilt he carries, the calculations he must make. # war general.

"He saw himself in you before he had ever seen you": Voldemort destroying everyone and everything that reminds him of who he is. Strange likenesses from Voldemort is not a compliment, when he wants to be extraordinary, special and unique.

Harry thinking that if only he had just pulled back the veil, he would have seen Sirius greeting him with a laugh like a bark :(

Dumbledore trying to repair Harry's feelings of abandonment by telling him why he didn't choose Harry as a prefect.

Fred and George sending Ron mountains of Chocolate frog after the Ministry fiasco to express their care, in a book where they were harder on him is <3

Ah, that subtle implication that Harry spent hours by the lake, crying about his godfather until the sunset. :( It is gorgeously subtle writing - him getting up at sunset, and wiping his face on his sleeve.

The way the book twists our innards with Harry opening Sirius' gift. :( and how Harry hopes again, and when the hope shatters, he throws the mirror. But it is the very same mirror shard, Sirius' gift that will enable Dobby to help the trio out of the manor, where Harry would ask for help because he saw a parental figure's eye (Dumbledore).

Luna validating Harry's feeling that they were just lurking out of sight, behind the veil and it is this connection with death and understanding of afterlife that comforts Harry. That he will see Sirius again.

[esre13]

theory abt tbhk

i was rereading tbhk and i realized something, the story really uses whenever yashiro was in the past to create what happens in the future. Yashiro when she meets hanako when he is around 6 at the star festival. Or summer festival whatever

especially in this moment!! this is crucial because he actively wishes to see her again, but we will get to that later!!

each time tsukasa is asked the question, "are you yourself? (tsukasa)" he always enthusiastically answers, "i am" or whatever, he always gives validation that he is himself. i had a old theory that the supernatural underneath the red house was burrowing inside of tsukasa like a skin-suit but using each moment that yashiro goes to the past and add it to the next events!

tsukasa is in the red house, which there is no conception of time

kou and nene visit the red house, hearing the noises of the monster that pretends to make noises of a kid

nene tells tsukasa of the future, which makes him eager what will happen next

this results to both him and the supernatural in the red house to leave at the same time! more importantly, the two of them sharing a body

I thought this was a stretch at first but if you realize every moment that tsukasa is seen "scary" or "inhumane"? his characteristics are seen has hollowed mouth or hollowed eyes

why does he have random moments where his eyes and mouth are hollowed and moments they are not? It represents the human and supernatural of him, why would the mother suspect something as well? It would make sense if they made rituals to see if he was actually possessed, but he was not, because he was just PARTIALLY possessed! He still had control over himself! Which can tie to the moment he burned down the red house, you can align that even RIGHT after he was found in the streets, and just, appeared. He was not seen from the earth at all because he was connected to something un-earthly.

So back to the summer festival!! When hanako sees yashiro when he was yugi amane, he spends his festival with nene while she tries to get the red tag from him. But after realizing another way to get herself out of the past, she hands the rest of her tags to hanako in the hopes of changing his future, no, but this action forwards it. He wishes to see her again, so he would possibly remember her if he ever saw her again, right?

Thats when i thought of the moment when she was in the room of doors, the place that was no where. When she found the door of the old building, she met the young hanako again. And if you have the volume of those books, volume 5 to be specific, it shows a small little short story

I didnt think of this as the story making fun of her ankles, or rather hanakos "problem" with daikon legs but I thought of it as a "realization" of hanako remembering yashiro for her legs because if we remember!! baby amane calls her out for her legs!!

he remembers he which if we are thinking relatively to his pov, he will realize that, "what the frick?!? how did she not age when I was young and even now?" even anyone could come to the realization that they are from different time lines! And to prove that point, hanakos reaction when he sees her wear the same yukata!! it only proves his theory further...

was the real reason why he killed himself and his brother was to see nene again? was it to get rid of the creature that is burrowing in his brother? was the reason why he had her as his assistant will be in the end to save his brother and family to be rid of supernaturals and be human again, with yashiro?

[pupuyvs]

so im rereading goal for like the 100th time (lol its like my comfort read rn) and i dont think i caught it before, but it seemed like jihye was hella uncomfortable with chaewon getting yena kicked off the basketball team? like maybe it didnt sit right with her that chaewon has connections/power like that (she didnt know yeonjun did it but it was still indirectly through chaewon) i mean shes been going through years of yenas bullying and never said anything for the sake of jimin winning class president every year so she could get a good scholarship, then suddenly chaewon does something to retaliate against yena and it probably made jihye hella uneasy (plus shes such a lover not a fighter so my girl hates conflict in general)

and now on a funny note, i love how many times yunjin misses out on things 😂 like girl missed building wall-e, missed jihye and chaewons first kiss, and ningrina making it official lmao like girl cant catch a break 😭😂

-🦖

(also reallllly looking forward to this *final 😭* update and i cant wait!!! 🙂‍↕️ hope alls well with life and the writing 🫶🏼🩵)

honestly im happy yall keep rereading means ive created an au with good readability (which is why im stressing these last two chapters)

regarding jihye reaction to chaewon retaliating its definitely a mix of discomfort and being too kind

see jihye is truly someone too nice for their own good so even though yena was nasty to her and deserved to have sumn happen to her, her getting thrown off the team especially in her last season of the school made her feel bad

regarding discomfort i think anyone would feel someway if their s/o was powerful enough to just get someone kicked off the team, especially if the player is good

i think the fact that chaewon could also do sumn “mean” like that probably shocked her a bit too because she never had chaewon be mean to her or any one in front of her so seeing that side of chaewon ofc put her off

i hope this makes sense my brains been a bit everywhere lately

(ty and i hope all is well with u too 🫂🫂🫂🫂)

[ofc-vi-writes-too]

Haunted House

angsty drabble based off of “Haunted House” by Alex Key

bucky x ex!reader

Basically Bucky is geeked because you’re gone. There’s nothing he can do about it now. You’re with someone else.

WORD COUNT: ≈0.3k

He hasn’t left your home on Maple Street in days, hoping maybe you’ll come back. Maybe you forgot something and maybe he’ll get a chance to get you back. You told him that it wasn’t going to work because he wasn’t ready to be loved yet. But all he knew was that he loved you more than he needed the air in his lungs to survive. It was impossible to do anything without you around. He felt helpless.

But staying in what was your home made him feel just a little more sane.

He swore he could still smell your perfume on his pillow. He could swear he heard your silky voice whisper ‘I love you’ as he drifted off to sleep. It made him forget that you weren’t there. That you were on the other side of town with some other man that wasn’t him.

Bucky would play your favourite song, and dance around your living room just like the two of you used to do. He would watch your favorite movie on repeat, to convince himself that you were still in love with him. That he hadn’t been replaced again. He doubted if he could ever come back from this. From loving you. He had been convinced you would be his forever, and he still was.

He has played memory on memory of you on loop. You haunt his day and night, and he can’t escape you for as long as he is alive, or as long as you aren’t with him. You took a piece of his soul when you left. Now he’s stuck with a gaping hole in his chest the size of Manhattan, and no idea how to fix it so he relives everything you two have done together.

Because you’re still his as long as you’re inside of his haunted house.

————————————————————————

A/N: heyyy sorry if this is kinda meh. I was inspired but not enough to reread what i wrote and fix things if they a. didnt make sense, b. were repetitive, or c. poorly written/spelled. If you enjoyed anyway tysm for reading. Thank you even if you didn’t enjoy lol. Leave a note or whatnot, it’s greatly appreciated and validating. This is also my first time ever writing angst so again im so sorry if its bad i was famous on wattpad for making people horny NOT making people cry.

[henrysglock]

Ohhh my god so re: what i remember you for as a writer theres SOSOSO much to choose from, but I have to go with Ptolemaea!!!!!

And even though there’s SO many iconic scenes/lines in Ptolemaea that stuck wirh me/that I remember you by, the shower scene from Ptolemaea is the one I’m going to talk about right now because it stuck with me and i was flashbanged by it again last night when rereading it HWBDBFN

Like, this part specifically:

“That didn’t mean it was any less appreciated, though, even as the blisters on his ankles burned with it. Hot water meant that the dirt, grime, and blood melted off him with minimal effort. Even so, he took a certain amount of comfort in scrubbing himself pink and toweling off roughly, as though he could peel the past three years off his body the way a spider might shed its carapace. To grow.”

First of all, the line about how the water is making the blisters on his ankles burn is so strong/physical/it’s like I can feel it.

And it’s also such a fantastic line/fantastic use of word choice when it comes to the fact that Ptolemaea being a “Henry got out of the lab early” AU and therefore also a “Henry didnt get sent to Dimension x” AU versus the use of the word “burned” here, especially in the context of Henry trying to scrub off the lab/leave the lab behind versus the way that Henry physically leaves the lab behind in canon being getting sent to Dimension X & getting burned there.

It just works so well to give this subtle vibe/subtle reminded of “what couldve been” and how even though what Henry’s going through right now sucks (ie all of the Ptolemaea horrors, and even just the water from a nice shower hurts his blisters), it could’ve been so much worse/it really nails that “full of horrors but also full of Hope” vibe that Ptolemaea has.

And second of all, specifically looking at this part:

“Even so, he took a certain amount of comfort in scrubbing himself pink and toweling off roughly, as though he could peel the past three years off his body the way a spider might shed its carapace. To grow.”

I cant even describe how much I love this part. There’s so many little layers to the comparison between Henry in the shower vs a spider shedding its carapace, snd how its not just “oh yeah yk hes got the same vibes as a spider shedding its carapace because hes trying to start anew” but instead the comparison *also* so Physical and the mental/emotional change/struggle is convey so Physically and how it’s specifically connected to the way that Henry scrubs himself pink, and the way that this line about how Henry scrubs himself pink evokes the visual of new skin being pink and “sore”/sensitive because it’s new, much like the new flesh under an old carapace.

And then how Henry towels himself off roughly vs that also working so perfectly to really convey that feeling of shedding a carapace in a very very physical way and the Movements of it and im just!!! The WORD CHOICES here are so perfect to convey a really visceral/physical feeling, like with the use of the word “peeling” and with how that use of the word” peeling” is where it all then connects to the mental aspect of it/the bridge between physical vs mental re: henry trying to peel the last three years off of his body (especially with the imagery re: peeling skin off/peeling years off vs all of the mental/supernatural “flaying” in ST vs the peeling skin imagery tying to the idea of literal flaying in the sense of flaying skin off).

And the “last three years” thing always gets me, it’s not only such a good reminder of how long he spent in the lab/how many years he’s lost, But then also, specifically in the context of shedding a carapace/molting, the implication that Henry hasn’t “molted” in three years/that this carapace that’s stuck to him is three years old/literally made up of the past three years really hits me every time re: the fact that spiders shed their carapaces/molt wayy more often than that so he hasnt been Allowed to molt & also the fact that some types of spiders stop molting entirety once they reach maturity (this is the case for black widows)/other types just molt less frequently (once a year) when they reach maturity vs the last three years in the lab being what makes up Henry’s “carapace” & Henry not having “molted” at all in the lab/at all in the last 3 years vs the way that Henry was forced to grow up quickly in the lab but how it Also stunted him & how not molting anymore is a sign of “maturity” /adulthood in spiders.

And especially with all of that/the idea of being forced to grow up quickly but also having your growth stunted as a result vs using the imagery of shedding a three year old carapace to convey that & the way that having a built-up old caparace/unshedded layers would make him seem “bigger”/more grown” when in reality, it’s a sign of *not* having grown/not being allowed to shed it is *stunting* his ability to grow/it’s like he was being forced to “grow” by not shedding (which then also ties SO PERFECTLY into Henry’s canon regen healing & the way that there’s all of this tumor imagery associated with it/unwanted growths) and that weighing up down/the extra “weight”/“size”/“growth” on him re: not “shedding his skin” & how his/a spider’s limbs aren’t going to grow properly unless they shed their skin so then there’s the whole visual of him not growing in a typical Growth way/his metaphorical limbs not getting longer but instead just “growing” by having all of these extra layers/“skin” that hes now trapped in/cant shed to properly grow vs the idea of Brenner wanting him to be like a child and like an adult simultaneously (ie being a Freak & Liking the fact that Henry’s a child vs also stealing his childhood/putting him in a lab/making him behave Like An Adult/making him grow up quickly).

Especially with black widows no longer molting once they reach sexual maturity vs the idea of Henry not being *allowed* to molt/stopped early from molting/being forced to reach that maturity early (smash cut to the SA imagery in the lab) when he hasnt Actually reached it physically.

And then that all also ties so well into the idea of being a Child Forced To Behave Like An Adult/Forced Into Adult Activities rather than Actually Becoming An Adult.

I just!! The line about a spider shedding its carapace as a way of describing Henry’s attempts to leave the lab behind is literally such a perfect line, like there’s something so physical and visceral about it, not only is it such a perfect description of the situation, but the spider aspect then ties so perfectly into Henry’s character specifically.

Especially with the next context TFS Henry & the visual of those spider legs bursting out of his back during the attic scene with Virginia & how that’s Also very Physical in a similar way to this scene (and yet again, Ptolemaea ages like a fine wine.)

And then also, specifically looking at the “To grow,” line, this line specifically always feels like so perfectly like Henry reassuring himself/tears in my eyes over little 15 year old henry “spider guy” creel reminding himself of how spiders grow and how it’s okay even though it hurts, because it just means he’s in Spider Mode and Spider Coded and Based and Spiderpilled HWHDBDDNHEHD like he’s reminding himself that not only do spiders shed their carapaces, but they do so in order to grow/it’s Necessary in order for them to grow. Like it almost feels like the way a parent would try and get a child to do something (ie if a kid loved superheroes, the whole “superman would clean his room 🤨🤨🤨😌😌😌😌” vibe/“a spider would go and clean himself in the shower because spiders need to shed their skin in order to grow-“) but it’s coming from Henry and directed at Himself, which then emphasizes how lonely he is/the lack of parents/Virginia being dead & Victor being locked up & Henry having to parent himself (but then also the other side of the coin and the lowkey Freedom of Henry getting to parent himself in the context of Brenner/no longer being forcibly “parented” by Brenner).

And it works so perfectly with the “grow together” stuff from the VR (yet AGAIN, Ptolemaea ages like a fine wine) vs what I said earlier re: Brenner “forcing” him to grow by making him keep all those unshed layers/giving the illusion of growth when in reality in order to Actually grow, he’d need to shed those layers vs the way that VR Henry is described as “eager to please” etc vs the idea of him not properly growing/not shedding his carapace in order to please Brenner…

Like I just can’t express enough how much I love that part- it that makes me feel like I’m back to when I was first getting interested in Henry as a character (in a very very good way) and is just this instant, perfectly encapsulated reminder of what I love about his whole story/the vibe of it.

Especially with this being Henry’s POV vs the way that not only is this whole part such a perfectly, artistic, extremely thought-out line on behalf of the writer, but it’s also such a perfect insight into Henry’s character & his spider nerdiness & what I said earlier re: spiders not molting anymore being a sign of them reaching adulthood vs when he does finally “shed his carapace”/scrub himself in the shower, he’s comparing it to a spider molting/his “childish” little spider nerd vibes are coming back, he’s both growing and “regressing” because he’s growing into the Child/15 year old that he Is rather than being a child forced to behave like an adult- especially then with adult teacher Henry’s continued love of spiders/the way that “childish” interest remains even when he Is an actual adult.

Anyway! Ptolemaea my beloved….. <333333

it's why he's so small in canon actually. bro hasn't molted in years we can all give him a break for being the world's Tiniest boy.

anyway alkdjflsd WOW

When I was writing that part the biggest thing in my mind was a combination of not molting/being held back/being trapped under the layers of what he had to do to survive but specifically in the way of protective layers being added with each trauma/him being forced to grow this thick outer shell layer by layer specifically to defend against what was being done to him/retain his sanity and dignity. Which speaks to a degree of removal from what was done to him, in my mind, this kind of

"It happened to me, and I'm self-aware enough to acknowledge that...but it was done to an outer layer that I can shed, so is it really something I have to live with? Or is it something i can just put away somewhere out of sight and never actually deal with in a healthy, meaningful way?"

and so while he's peeling the carapace that's stunting him, it's like...every light has its shadow. He's able to grow into a normal boy, now, and even though it's sore and tender all over at the moment, it's a good thing. But is the way he's doing it healthy? Is he discarding his carapace without addressing and accepting/healing the ways its weight and prolonged presence warped him?

Or is he hobbling around on eight misshapen legs like

"Lalalala...It doesn't exist because I can walk on these legs. They're a little weirdly shaped, but I can hide them well enough if I make a home in the neatly-trimmed Kentucky bluegrass lawns of suburban America. Could a damaged spider walk around as well as I do? I'm so normal and also healthy. Being prevented from molting definitely had no lingering effects on my well-being. Haha, no there's no reason why I refuse to go out on the pavement and show you guys my totally normal legs. I just don't want to. No other reason. There's nothing wrong with me, I'm a normal spider :) Anyway, look at my web. Could a broken spider make a web this nice? Didn't think so. I'm totally normal and there's NOTHING in my past that I need to heal from."

Something something "I'm not a freak. I'm normal. I'm Henry Creel."

There's also the more surface aspect of the Will-Henry Mindflayer-Brenner "I felt it everywhere/I still feel him" and Henry thinking that if he scrubs hard enough, he can rid himself of the lingering memories, the same way Will thought that if he could just keep running, he could escape the Mindflayer/the lingering trauma of what happened to him in the UD/the slug stuff.

They're both running away from looming, lingering CSA trauma, just in different ways. Will can run all he wants, but the Mindflayer is going to catch him anyway. His trauma will always catch up to him. Henry can scrub all he wants, he can peel off that outer shell and pretend like he's getting rid of everything that happened to him, but the damage was mental. It's something that's inevitably going to catch up with him until he can't ignore it anymore.

That's also where the burning came from in my mind: Will being rid of the Mindflayer by burning, but him still being able to feel it/it coming back later vs Henry trying to rid himself of his history with Brenner via scrubbing himself raw with burning water because he's still able to feel that history physically/that history will come back to haunt him later much like the Mindflayer haunts Will.

—————

Tell me what fic or line of writing you remember me by

[1d1195]

I COULDNT SLEEP LAST NIGHT SO I SPENT THE NIGHT REREADING ALL OF TRADTIONAL !!!! AND IT WAS SOOO MUCH FUN I LOVEEE THEM😭😭😭 he was sooooo down bad im obsesseddd

"bro, you're annoying as fuck" GOODBYEEEE THAT IS ACTUALLY THE REALEST IVE EVER HEARDDDD. my dad is always like “you know, u can tell me anything.” AND IM LIKE “since when?? i literally can’t???” this is the same man that gets sooo mad when i just ask a question he doesn’t like😭 but my big brother’s wife is actually pregnant and she’s due soon so one good thing is i’m going to get to be here for that !!

sam you’re too sweet i looove you😭😭 my sister calls me barbie all the time and i think it’s so cute you chose the same nickname. I LOVE YOU YOU BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, TALENTED WOMAN🫶🫶🫶🫶

i used to usually make my coffees at home. id brew it in a french press orrrr id make some using my keurig (omg if u or a friend have a nespresso machine those make it taste SOOOOO GOOD my mom has one and i LOVE using it) i add a little bit of sugar while its hot and i let it cool down and id use oat milk (i’ve only tried two brands; califa farms & oatly, i enjoyed them both. if im out i literally just use regular milk cuz whtvr) and thennn id use the coffee mate french milk creamer (is that what it’s called? it’s milk idk) and then a little bit of the torani vanilla syrup (cause it’s pretty strong). if my sweet tooth was kicking extra hard i’d add a drizzle of some white chocolate syrup.

HELPFUL AT HOME ICED COFFEE TIP I SAW ON TIKTOK: maybe this is common sense (it wasn’t for me tho🫣) but you’re supposed to add all your syrups and creamers into the coffee and mix it together AND THENNN pour onto ice😭😭 apparently it doesn’t mix as well when you pour them one by one onto the ice (WHICH IS WHAT I DID HAHA) and i did actually notice it made a slight difference.

so sorry that was wayyy longer than it had any right to be but it took me forever to find a way i enjoy making it at home. AND IT WORKS CAUSE EVERYONE IVE MADE IT FOR SAYS IT TASTES LIKE ICED COFFEE FROM A CAFE YAYYY !!! when i go out though i usually get a cup from dunkin. their cold brews are sooo yummmm and i love getting the sweetened cold foam.

omg thank you for asking abt the whole GED, i can’t believe you remember, its so sweet that you do, but i was actually going to bring it up in my last ask but i guess i forgot to. I DIDNT HAPPEN☹️ I HAD TO CANCEL THE CLASSES BEFORE I EVEN STARTED BECAUSE OF THIS TRIP☹️☹️☹️☹️ it actually upset me soooo much at the time. i’ve been trying for a couple years now and it NEVER works out, i was SO sure it would this time, but now im starting to wonder if the universe if just telling me it’s not meant for me😭

i don’t have anything planned yet but hopefully it’s chill. i hope you have a great weekend as well babe !!!💕💞✨

~🎶

I frequently reread traditional. Especially when I'm in the mood to write about them more. I really like how caring Harry is in that one 🤭 I think it's cute when he tries to spoil his girl 🥰

My dad knows surface level things of me as best but he thinks we have this connection. I feel bad, he's mean to my sister. But tbh I don't tell my parents EVERYTHING. I tell my mom a lot, she's one of my favorite people, but since I've moved out, I just tell them both less and less. They're a lot of work and a) I don't want to burden them with my shit, and b) there's not much they can do at this point in time to help me.

BABYYYYYYYYYYYY boy or girl? Can I ask that? I love babies so much I love that for you!!!

AHHHHH I just went with your metaphor, but I love it! 💕

Okay I think I misled you. I buy a jug of cold brew every week and make coffee that way. I will have to try the pouring onto ice. I had NO IDEA. I do one at a time too! I don't have any coffee making machines. Everyone I KNOW has a nespresso machine. But I refuse. Idk. I'm a cold coffee gal and I'm like anti using hot to make it ice 😭

I think I've mentioned I'm from the Northeast before so I literally run on dunkin so I get you. I cold foam the other day (a treat for myself because I usually just do coffee) and it was SO good. I forgot how much I liked it!!! When Dunking does their $3 cold brew deal every day for a month (I think it's usually February because it's the shortest month--Capitalism am I right?) I enjoy getting cold brew from them!

I unfortunately yap a lot but I try to remember the big things! I'm glad I remembered! I kind of figured the trip would have affected it's happening. Don't give up yet! I think if this is something you want you should do it, regardless of how long it takes. Who cares if it's a little later than you wanted! I think if it's what you want then it's meant for you! 💕

xoxo

[imraespace]

‼️ before reading this i just wanna let you know i yapped so hard during this and i never realized how long this was until i started rereading im so sorry. i hope everything i said makes sense </3 ‼️

ohymogsh thank you for suggesting sae w mala by 6ix9ine bc you just gave me the most brilliant idea ever omg

ALSO OMG U ALSO EDIT/EDITED OMG YAYAYAY i wanna learn how to do like yk those complex transitions w them cubes and all that bc they look so cool but im so scared ill mess them up and its gonna look so bummy 💔

I ANIMATE/TWEEN AS WELL but i use the term animate more bc the term tweening reminds me of gacha life tweening tutorial and my gacha phase was something thats for sure..!

im lowkey considering to like stop editing and start writing stories or create smaus because it takes so long to animate and i cant really do anything else except a simple zoom in/out ☹️

ive been trying to tween this one kaiser fanart and i never realized how bad kaisers hair was until i was erasing each layer of hair for 12 hours AND IM STILL SOMEHOW NOT DONE?? I STARTED THIS ABOUT A MONTH AGO TOO. i have beef w ness now cuz he couldve just gave this guy a bob cut and my life would have been so much easier >:(

i apologize that i never stop talking bc once i start talking about something im interested in i just somehow never stop BUT IM GLAD WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON OTHER THAN OUR LOVE OF BLUELOCK !!

- 🐙

LMAO ITS OKAY once i start yapping i cant stop as well

ALSO YIPPEE IM GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!

ABT THE COMPLEX TRANSITIONS I REALLY WANNA LEARN THOSE AS WELL i went looking at my old edits and realized i didnt even have a certain style it was all over the place LMAO i mostly edit during my genshin phase and i swear one day it was a cute yoimiya edit then next it was a depressing albedo edit that looks wayy different..

i say you should do what you want to rn like i had fun editing for while until i got bored then randomly i made a book on wattpad and it was fun to do so now im here writing for fun! ive gotten the feeling to edit a few times before but i realized how TIME CONSUMING IT IS LIKE WITH WHAT YOU SAID WITH KAISER IT TOOK ME A WHOLE MONTH TO MAKE A WHOLE EDIT WITH JUST TWEENING.

and DONT GET ME STARTED ON WHEN YOU FINISHED CROPPING THE INDIVIDUAL PARTS AND PLACE IT IN THE EDITING APP you realized you missed something out or theres a noticeable spot you forgot to hide(esp for the hair) it makes me wanna just delete everything

i think ness was feeling a bit goofy when he did kaiser haircut bc his rat tails in the back of his head is kinda funny.. i wouldve just made kaiser bald and do the edit just like that for funsies

ALSO SAMEE i cant stop talking if its something im interested in AND YIPEPE WE GOT TWO(hehehe three if you count our non stop blabbering) IN COMMON

whatever you choose to do with the editing or writing just have fun with it and you can always go back to the other one if you want!

WAIT I FORGOT TO SAY THIS HELP I HAD A GACHA PHASE AS WELL I HAD A YT CHANNEL AND SADLY I DELETED EVERYTHING BC I WANTED TO WATCH MY CRINGE VIDEOS BUT ITS ALL GONE. but ya!

[spiteless-xo]

TIFF

Omg. Thank you so much for TBAW.

I had the best time. And the tuesday group chats with @shepnicolo and @theragethatisdesire just made it even better.

I really enjoyed the story and the way you planted hints all along was amazing. I haven’t figured out yet what the one big hint was that you said you put in, but hopefully i will catch it while rereading. And i will reread. I might never have the words to properly express how much i admire your writing, but i do. I do so much. I cannot fathom how you mamnged to write 300k words and had the restrin to post it chapter by chapter, every week. But thank you.

Now that it’s over: I remember you mentioned in an ask that TBAW was inspired by a book series from the 2000s that you didn’t want to name because you thought it might spoil the ending. Can you tell me what series you meant? I have been dying to know ever since then.

!!! oh my god that’s so adorable i didnt know you guys had a lil group chat 😭🥰 that’s so cute

i’m glad you enjoyed it and good luck!! 🙊

ok, and this is going to sound so unhinged but BARE WITH ME!! the book series that inspired tbaw was……….. THE HUNGER GAMES

ok so. the thing that i like the most about thg’s love triangle is that it really isn’t a love triangle. each boy kinda represents a choice/path that katniss can make, where gale represents kinda staying in that same cycle of war and peeta represents change and peace. so katniss can’t be with gale if she wants peace and vise versa so whoever she “picks” ultimately is the person that represents how she wants her life/future to look.

and i really liked that!! so i wanted to incorporate that into tbaw. we can see now that it’s finished that eren represented change and forgiveness where jean is like “doing what you’re expected to do and life is inevitable so there’s no point trying to change”?? i feel like there’s a more concise word to use to explain that but it’s escaping me atm

reader has always been about change and forgiveness because that’s exactly how she treats jean. she’s constantly trying to change the dynamic of their relationship and forgiving him for not measuring up because she thinks he can change and be better.

but then, at the same time, she treats eren based on jean’s mindset. like oh, he’s just a fuckboy so all he wants is sex. he said we’re fuck buddies and doesn’t do relationships so i’m not even gonna CONSIDER that thought. so even though eren is actively changing in front of her, she’s stuck on that thought that “eren is who he is and he’ll never change”.

it’s only after she leaves and has the chance to think for herself that she realizes that what she’s looking for in jean (and how she ultimately wants to live her life) is what eren has always given her.

i hope that makes sense?? i was so scared of revealing that The Hunger Games inspired tbaw because i feel like eren really FEELS like peeta and jean FEELS like gale and i thought it would give away the ending but idk if that’s just my perception as the author.

[inevitably-ineffable-husbands]

Hi Steph, lots of love from Germany! 🩵💙🧡 In your reply to the switch theory you wrote that you think switching will come up later in s3 (instead of having happened at the end of s2. and I totally agree with that, the seasons theme was love, pining and miscommunication, that had to culminate in something 😂)

But yeah, my theory is that Aziraphale and Crowley will join/celestial-marry/ "merge/fuse"(??) in some way and become very powerful that way. (Although if they fuse probably not permanently) Because

a) they're crazy strong together

b)when discorporated in s1e5 Aziraphale says sth like "I wish I could inhabit your body, but we'd probably burst into flames" and I don't think that was a set-up for the switch in s1e6, because I think they didnt actually swap bodies just made theyre own body look like the other (I think?) Azzi's physical body couldn't withstand hellfire, right? So that's not happened yet.

c) didn't you write they started out as one character in the book writing process? And in an interview for s2 David Tennant said that usually Michael Sheen and him would compete for the same part and now they're playing the same character split into two.

...Thanks for coming to my ted talk. 😂 What do you think? Wishing you a very lovely evening! I really love reading your blog! It's so... cosy on here. AZ Fell's Bookshop vibes 💛🩵💙🧡

(Referencing this post)

Hey Lovely!

Firstly I'm SO happy you enjoy my blog! :) That's high praise to be compared to Azzie's Bookshop, oh GOSHLES!! Thank you so much!! I'm having a blast being in this fandom, feels like the heyday of BBC Sherlock, hahahh. I'm hoping this blog turns into another "light" success and people just come here to feel "at home" you know? LOL.

Secondly, yeah, having another think on the Switch Theory, now that it's been a couple months and more of my own theories have formed about S2, I lean more on the "not a fan" side of it. For me it's the erasure of the emotional impact and the IMPORTANCE of their miscommunication that The Final Fifteen gave us, and honestly, there's too many loose threads that just... can't work with that theory. After sitting on it for some time, the big one for me is that Crowley-in-the-car-getting-upset-at-the-music at the end makes NO SENSE if it was A-As-C; No one would be watching him, why continue the act? And Aziraphale's gentle touch-and-cry reaction to the kiss makes NO SENSE if it was C-As-A. I dunno. I can totally see why people support the Theory, but it's not for me. I'm a creature of "I need things to make sense" and too much DOESN'T make sense with it, is all.

And you're right, S2's theme WAS about showing us the development of their relationship, how important they are together, so that the end of E6 would DEVASTATE US, having us wanting more than ever for them to get back together. It was meant to show how truly made for each other they are, just they're two idiots sharing a single braincell and that braincell is emotionally dumb lol.

That all said, I have a similar thought as yours that I've been hemming-and-hawing about for a couple weeks after rereading my own theories to possibly clean them up a bit. While I DON'T think they will "merge" into one being, I DO think that they will combine their powers together in the penultimate episode to "win" (I say penultimate because I have hopes that the final ep will be them moving in together, but I know realistically, a climax can't happen an hour before the end in a story LOL).

BUT I also like your theory as well, because story-wise, the hints have ALREADY been dropped for it since S1, as you mentioned in your points A and B. There was no need for a switch, and I DON'T think it will happen again. BUT the purpose of the switch was to show that Crowley and Azzie's powers are COMPATIBLE. THAT is what's important here, and it sets up their Together Miracle in S2. And if we're going on the idea that in S3 they'll finally be in-sync and that they only get MORE powerful the more comfortable and "on-the-same-page" they get, well, yeah, I think Heaven and Hell will be wise to leave them be.

As for your point C, yes I did mention that, I BELIEVE in my BIG roundup meta for S4, but it might also be in my 'Crowley’s Past: Was Crowley Archangel Camael?' meta, since I recall doing a LOT of research for that, including trawling through Neil's blog for quotes. But yes, I actually recently saw the gifset with that interview, I think it's in my queue LOL. Neil did confirm ages ago, way back in S1 that early drafts of the book did have them as one character, which is why I think it's MORE likely that their powers are going to be combined instead.

Either way, I think the ONLY theory I absolutely am 100% against is the "they're going to become human" one, because I hate that the condition to their love must be "to love like a human they must be human" and that's just... UGH not on for me. I remain hopeful that that's not the route that their gonna go, since Gabe and Beez didn't become human, and it was a CLEAR mirror for the AziraCrow relationship (a foreshadowing of sorts).

And because I'm thinking of it right now and don't want to forget to write it somewhere, another thing that CONSTANTLY brought up is Alpha Centauri; I hope that they honeymoon there at the end of S3, it'll be a nice payoff for its constant referencing, LOL. And they can't do that if they're human LOL. I want them to spend the next 6000 years and beyond together <3

Thank you again so much for your ask!! Sorry I took a bit to reply, just got home from a road trip and I finally had a bit of free time to reply <3

[raveneira]

I think kurama got shafted most of og cast in boruto they him made liar and pretty much made his bond with naruto just got worthless because he doesn't good genetics

Nah Sasuke definitely got it worst of the OGs but Naruto and Kurama are definitely close second, I mean Sasuke lost to Code which is like the most embarrassing L you could ever take at this point so yea, Sasuke definitely got it the worst.

But yeah getting into Kurama, how insanely disrespectful is it that Kurama had that whole goodbye speech to Naruto KNOWING he'd come back and yet made it seem to Naruto that it was a definitive death for him and no coming back? he never once reassures Naruto that he'll still reincarnate eventually, like all the other times they discussed a tailed beast dying coming back later, Kurama made SURE not to mention coming back later and left it as this was a perma death that theres no coming back from. He 'dies' letting Naruto believe that they'll never see eachother again, that theres no hope that he'll ever come back for Naruto to rely on his power again, that he's completely on his own now and has to be careful cuz he wont be around to bail him out ever again.

Haha SIKE, turns out he actually would be coming back and COULD lend his power to Naruto again, infact not even a year after he died because remember? Daemon sensed Kuramas presence in Himawari before TBV so he was already reviving within Hima not long after he 'died' 😭 and dont try to say he only felt his chakra that was already inside her because in that case why Daemon aint react to Boruto then? does Kuramas chakra choose which child his genes pass to? then how tf would he know if Naruto will have a second child? what if he only had one? Kurama dont have future sight to know that Naruto would have another child 2 years later so why would his chakra skip Boruto and wait for Hima to be born 2 years later? just dont even try it.

So if they wanna run with the Kurama chakra passed to them in conception, then Boruto has his chakra just as well as Hima, and by that logic Daemon should've reacted to him too but he didnt, he specifically reacts to Hima, why? because Kurama was reviving in her if not already revived because who knows atp but either way its a total asspull and they knew it.

The most plausible possibility is Kurama wasnt fully revived yet until TBV, why? because they had to bench Naruto first which is why he got thrown to the shadow realm, that way he wouldnt be around for Kurama to have logically returned to, it was their forced way of making Kurama HAVE to go to Hima because Naruto is in an entirely different dimension that Kurama cant transfer to, so he takes the next best thing, his daughter.

Which is bad enough on its own that Naruto got a massive nerf and thrown to the shadow realm just so Hima could be handed on a silver platter what he had to struggle with for years and bust his ass to gain control of, but they have the audacity to have Kurama say shes more compatible with him than Naruto.

That is the ultimate disrespect, and the ppl saying its because she has Hyuuga and Uzumaki genes and are descendant of Ashura/Hamura need to reread the series because why were the Uzumaki chosen specifically to be Kurama's jinchuriki and not the Hyuuga? you never heard of a Hyuuga 9 tails jinchuriki, why? because the Uzumaki's chakra were a better fit in both containing and controlling Kurama (with their fuinjutsu and special chakra) even Naruto being just half was enough to manage to contain half of Kurama's chakra as a baby.

Hima however is more Hyuuga than anything else and less than half Uzumaki, her Uzumaki genes are very weak and overshadowed by her Hyuuga ones, she has the Byakugan, gentle fist, and at most you could argue a slight boost in chakra reserves from what little Uzumaki genes she does have, we can make this assessment because Boruto has been said numerous times to lack the same chakra reserves as Naruto, who yes to be fair is because he had Kurama, but even without relying on Kuramas chakra Naruto still had naturally big reserves from being half Uzumaki as well.

So going by what has been established for years about Kurama and his jinchurikis, we know theres no way in hell Hima is 'more compatible' than Naruto because of some danm Hyuuga genes that have never been relevant or claimed to be compatible with Kurama, its always been the Uzumaki, so I dont wanna hear that excuse because it doesnt fly.

Plus Naruto's compatibility didnt even just come from his Uzumaki genes, it came from him being the first one in all of Kurama's centuries of being sealed in jinchuriki's, Naruto was the FIRST one who actually reached out to him, to try and befriend him, to try and free him from his hatred despite him literally being responsible for his parents death he STILL reached out to Kurama and wanted to work together. THIS is what made Naruto and Kurama compatible, not just some danm genes, but who he was as a person and the work he put in to befriending him and earning Kuramas cooperation. He was not GIVEN this compatibility for the simple fact of being born as Kushina's son, he EARNED it. Which is why Hima just being 'born' with it is such a slap in the got danm face.

So not only did they force this asspull on Hima and disrespect everything Naruto worked for in favor of making some irrelevant kid relevant, but I dont even think this was planned initially.

Remember that old photo showing sage mode Mitsuki and MS Sarada and Kurama cloak Boruto? that ended up being canon, so its reasonable to believe Boruto was originally planned to have Kurama, but I assume once they started workin on the sequel and fleshed out the whole karma/vessel plot they figured they couldnt have Boruto being a vessel for both Momoshiki and Kurama so they gave him to Hima instead.

They couldnt commit to killing off Kurama and they couldnt commit to letting him stay gone from the sequel either if they werent going to give him to Boruto, no, they knew Kurama was a huge fan fave and they got scared, they had already nerfed and benched Naruto and Sasuke in some of the worst ways possible and they got scared of not letting Kurama come back, especially since fans kept beggin for him to return (often to Hima) they went ahead and asspulled him back and gave him to her and came up with this 'more compatible than your father' crap to try and justify him being with her and why she adapted so quick to his power so easily.

This fails miserably because we already SEEN how much work goes into learning how to use a tailed beasts power, Hima already had the head start of not havin to befriend the tailed beast first, but that doesnt mean she should be instantly able to flawlessly use his power upon first awakening with zero work. Sure you can argue well yea thats why she lost against Jura but she still made a biju bomb on the same scale as a 10 tails clone with the rinnegan in little to no time at all which just isnt something she should be able to do upon only just now awakening his power, thats the type of thing you'd have to train for.

The only time that could work is when the jinchuriki loses control, like Naruto did that one time and Kurama was in control. But here He tells Hima to use his power herself because he cant use it for her (partially because hes just in baby form now) but this is something Hima has to be able to call on for herself because again, jinchuriki dont just befriend the beast and immediately can just use their tailed beasts full power no problem, they have to WORK to use some of those abilities, its a team effort, which is why Hima just insta grasping all this despite having zero experience or zero preparation for anything like this (whereas the other jinchuriki did) was just unconvincing and felt exactly like the asspull it is.

As a matter of fact, Kurama being in baby form makes it even harder to believe she could make a biju bomb on the same level as a 10 tails clone with the rinnegan, theres no way she should muster up that much power in that short of time to counter Jura's.

Now you may argue well Jura wasnt going all out so he made a small scale bomb that was easier for her to match. Which ok fair lets say I go along with that, lets be generous and give her the biju bomb and say it wasnt an asspull and that it was a weak bomb and that Jura was holding back with his so thats why she was able to match it how she did, lets go ahead and give her that.

Even if you give her adapting to his power a pass and say its mostly a fluke, she just got lucky Jura wasnt being serious when she landed that hit and she indeed will now have to work to gain better control of Kuramas power and use it effectively, lets say thats the case.

It still doesnt cover the complete and utter disrespect to Naruto, his legacy, and everything he worked hard for to just be given like nothing to someone else and told that their more compatible than he is with them, that shes his best match simply by being born, thats all she had to do, just be born and she immediately gets one of the strongest tailed beasts in the verse when her father gets nerfed because somebody has to have Kurama right? but they dont want the OGs overshadowing the kids so what do they do? snatch him from Naruto and give him to his kid whos not even a danm ninja and can barely even fight (their narrative not mine) as if she wasnt already a Hyuuga with the Byakugan and gentle fist that she could've gotten way stronger with by now, yet we only see her jump kick? so your telling me the only way they could make Hima relevant, to make her strong, was to rob Naruto of his power and give it to her?

They have unironically admitted that the Hyuuga clan is just an utter joke, a useless and powerless clan not even worth learning or advancing in their abilities because think about it, have we seen Hima use her Byakugan in the manga? or gentle fist? no, but we see her jump kick, we see her throw weapons, and we see her losing to Chocho of all ppl, we dont see Hima actually being able to put up a real fight until she has Kurama, then suddenly she can do more than kick 😭 this is such a terrible look for both her and Kurama its not even funny.

Kurama being brought back as a baby way weaker than his former self inside a child because his original host got flung to the shadow realm so he had to settle for his youngest kid, and Hima who couldnt even throw a punch despite being half Hyuuga with the Byakugan until she got Kurama ex machina, its insane.

The only thing that could make this worse is if Boruto and Hima both have Kurama inside them, that'll just be a whole new level of asspull that I dont even wanna go into right now, the fact that Kuramas chakra has been retconned into being something that can be passed down from a Jinchuriki through birth is just a topic I'd rather not get into in this post, because then I'd have to ask why Tsunade didnt have any from Kurama despite being Mito's granddaughter, or why Kagura didnt have any despite being Yagura's grandson, if a tailed beasts chakra passes down genetically through their jinchuriki to their descendants, then every descendant ever born from a Kurama jinchuriki should've had his chakra.

In short I agree with you, this entire situation is just a complete and total disrespect to Kurama, he was better off just being dead for good because atleast it was one major death they could've committed to without fear the way they couldnt Naruto and Sasuke (who we all know fans would never accept them killing off and the sequel would die if they did) and atleast if he stayed dead he could've avoided any future disrespect, but now? now that he's in Hima and will be a main target for the current big threats, he's only going to get more disrespected from this chapter forward and I am not looking forward to it.

[rarepairnation]

LOLL i was gonna start like ‘hey there im denethor anon’ but u beat me to it. SIMILAR MINDS. Haha i read one of ur fics, was immediately smitten & was like i MUST follow them. (I’m glad i did, love the vibe of ur blog and the Flavour of ur opinions.. TASTY) so im a more recent follower but i’m gathering younger you weren’t a fan of denethor, huh? Can’t say i blame you. PJ certainly made some Decisions. he was like how do i convert a complex character into The most loathsome creature ever. He really did our fav gondorians sooo dirty. I literally watch through those scenes SEETHING in rage.

So I’ve been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for two days. like i am a denethor girlie. in my mind. spiritually. haven’t posted much abt him on tumblr. but nowww. you’re exactly right, ‘denethor Is a good leader…[insert ur paragraph here]’ yes yes yes you get it. listen denethor was a prideful, angry, resentful man but he was also valiant, resilient and noble. He guarded his city, alone (which takes GUTS, again, he was a badass!!), so well, for literal YEARS that Sauron was fearful/wary of him. i wish people were more understanding of him. he’s such an interesting character there’s so much to explore there. as you said the duty-vs-love, the weapon-first-person-next of it all. the layers. denethor as a weapon. denethor as a symbol of both sword/shield. AAHHH

BUT i think some people dismiss him hate him bc he is the mirror (the ugly side? if that makes sense) of humanity, of us. we ought to show him some compassion tho ‘cause havent u ever been taken under the darkness of life? felt the world slipping away & struggle to keep up w it? dont u ever feel hopeless? that things will never change, no matter what u do? DO YOU HAVE FEARS HAVE YOU FACED THE MONSTERS? WERE YOU ALONE, SCARED AND HOPELESS? AND HAVENT YOU MADE MISTAKES IN YOUR GRIEF AND PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY?? THAT’S what denethor experienced. He was described as a leader & a learned one at that for christ sake. He knew that evil was awaiting him and his kin and his people! he saw his future. yet. yet he soldiered on until. war declared. his sons killed (or so he believed). that’s when hope abandoned him. what was the point of staying alive now anyway? Evil was upon them, they would surely be tortured w a fate worse than death, so why should he not end the pain and kill himself? he fought the war against Time, Evil and The Dark Enemy himself and WON. he was a brave man indeed, to have fought these dark forces so much stronger than him. but he finally lost the war against Despair (and Grief), the cruelest of them all. imma cry 😭😭😭 no no no u don’t understand he didnt give up hope, hope abandoned him he- [GUNSHOT] (i don’t know how much of this even made sense lmao) anyway,

Faramir <333. do i even have to say anything about faramir? he’s the specialest little guy i love himm 🥰. On god i am one step away from rereading lotr just for him (plsss dont tempt me finals are in less than a fortnight) his and denethor’s relationship like u described my godddd XDD. fucked up familial relationships MY BELOVED. i am feral about this trope. the resentment… the jealousy… the mirror image of each other… the you’re-the-same-like-me-and-i-hate-that… mmmhm. hey do u ever think about 12 year old faramir admiring his father much the same way he did boromir and wishing he would grow up to be just like him? and do you ever think about 28 year old faramir knowing that he’s more like his father than anyone else and hating that? hating him? i do.

I’ll stop now lol im afraid my coherency has diminished by now. also sorry sorry for replying so late i am preparing for my exams. but rest assured i WILL be Rotating faramir around in my brain :3

hiiii denethor anon LOL this is the greatest ask ive ever received. every day i endeavour to provide only THE juiciest of opinions. aka this is my diary and you all are subjected to it. anyway im so glad you liked my fic i would love to know which one you read! i got into lotr via the films when i was super young so my past opinions were def coloured by The Choices. i have learned and grown since then<3 i was watching the book-to-film analysis vids on the extended edition dvds a couple weeks back and it made me so mad that i had to get up and turn off the tv. did you know there are other character options besides 'paragon of virtue' and 'one dimensional villain'...truly kind of a "nice dichotomy idiot! now what lies outside of it" situation. A Waste Of Your John Noble, To Be Honest. idk i still hold the films very close to my heart but the choices...i will simply respectfully disagree. and dont even get me started on faramir we WILL be here all night. another time. i have denethor thorongil situationship-fic to write. (i am serious about that) (i was simultaneously playing it 100% straight serious AND kind of joking about them. i shouldve known better. well.........we are so in it.)

you are so real for this. i have ALSO been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for days. weeks, even. sorry to everyone coming to the faramir goes to rivendell au for faramir and the fellowship the first 10k is literally just Keeping Up With The Stewards. we'll get there. i Will blame you for the impetus for my recent denethorposting on main but also encourage you to also do this. do whatever you want forever<3 nooo but straight up...guy who has so much strength and will that The Lord Of All Evil wouldnt contend directly against him and had to bring out the big palantir guns to bring him down. and if he'd not lost both of his sons i mean...who knows what would've happened. sometimes your sons ARE the only thing keeping you from killing yourself Do It For Them-style and lets be real that is a valid coping method. (i don't have an answer for that one and boy oh boy do i wish i did. it is going to become a massive thorn in my side in, oh, 70k or so when i hit rotk. well...i will blow up that bridge when i get to it.)

im actually putting a read more in this time bc this post broke a thousand words. continue at your own risk. there IS also faramirposting at the end here i promise.

just imagining denethor leading the siege of minas tirith. um. now stay with me here...riding out with imrahil's sortie. STAY WITH ME HERE. what do you think the livery of a steward going to war looks like. jesus christ i need to go lay down. yes i purposefully placed the read more before i decided to go momentarily horny on main. its also lowkey very vague au spoilers. sorry everyone but denethor IS canonically hot and we need to acknowledge it. Anyway.

denethor as a weapon denethor as both a sword and a shield...i am chewing glass for real. you GET IT. god i love person-as-weapon metaphor soooo much. When The Iconography Is Getting A Little Too Real. denethor as gondor, as her vanguard and standard-bearer and. i am straight up frothing at the mouth. all he ever wanted was to be a gentle lord in a time of peace.....and death was his reward...Sorry For Stealing The Fingon Death Quotation But I'm Right. so much of his behaviour and the strain on his relationships with his sons and all that is sooo...informed by the fact that to cope with having to be lord of a country at war he had to be so so unbending. he couldn't allow himself to waver, ever, not even for love, not even to save his sons.

did you know he was 21 when sauron returned. pov you are 21 years young and you have been alone all your life you are the steward's only son you are his strange numenorean heir and no one else has the LITERAL PSYCHIC POWERS AND VISIONS that you do and you have had to contend with that, alone. master your own mind, alone. learn how the shape of politics and lordship and life bends around you. and the dark lord the enemy who brought down your forebears has now set his eye on your lands again. Jesus Christ. How Would You Fucking Deal. sorry i would have a nervous breakdown and go and live in the desert. Man. TWENTY ONE? LIKE ME? most days i feel like a teletubby with a job and a credit card. if you scale it to account for numenorean lifespan inflation i mean i don't know how the math works but like. i bet it comes out to being like. 17. HELLO? basically everyone i know was barely a person at 17. the dark lord of all evil and he's MY problem to deal with?

i mean exactly. haven't we all been prideful and angry and resentful. haven't we all been there. once again [pippin voice] let's all understand poor denethor a little better. havent you ever been taken under the darkness of life [your paragraph here] yeah exactly what you said. the idea that he fucking won the war against the darkness and only lost to despair is..........so much! goodbye i have to go cry!

faramir, me AND fate's most special precious little guy....oh captain my captain....exactly. Exactly. i cant morally endorse a reread right this second but like. After. make it through finals and then it is Faramir Time. (and good luck! you got this!) tactical smartass little bitch master of both man and beast wizard's pupil (complimentary) star and hope and jewel of minas tirith knight in shining armour...my beloved. the idea that like faramir as presented, as the diplomat, as the scholar, as the numenorean, was supposed to be the one to go to rivendell...it haunts me. where is denethor sends the right son to do the right job.txt. he is gondor's no. 1 horse girl he is better suited to the wild than the battlefield he has read every sindarin text in the library he KNOWS the story of elrond and elros. he is literally telepathic and psychic and prophetic. thinking about him interacting with elrond and galadriel (and every other elf. but them in particular) makes me feel deranged. its very...self taught dnd wizard meets guy who went to wizard school energy. he's insane.

YEAH ITS CRAZY THAT THEYRE THE SAME GUY. it's. boromir gets to be boromir but faramir has to be denethor.txt. gracious and lordly as a king of old...now who is consistently referred to as noble and kingly...that a younger faramir would've looked up to...yeah. the perpetuation of denethor's second-best complex. i have a whole nother post in the drafts about that i CANT get into it here but jesus christ men who are NOT breaking the cycle. they even look the same. i mean 37 year old faramir as steward is 100% the spitting image of his father and that makes me....genuinely fucking insane actually. i mean like older councillors are doing double takes every time he walks by. i mean like sometimes people call him by the wrong fucking name. WOW where did that come from. the complex that that would give him...hello? turning this over inside my brain at WARP speed.

you are not late at all lol we are leaving little letters in each other's mailboxes to read when we have the time. i hope your exams go well!!! there will be more Faramir And Denethor Hours soon<33

[mikarchive2]

books i read in march 2023 📚

( trying the read more thing for the first time ever cause this is so long hope it works 💖 )

1. the hurting kind by ada limón - ★★★★★ - goddamn it, i really cant decide between four and five stars here . but at the end of the day, even though i cant say i loved every single poem, the collection as a whole is so full of life and defiant grace i just cant resist rounding up . ada limón has to be one of the best nature poets ive read so far ( cant wait to reread some of these poems outside when spring begins to feel like spring ), and also one of the few who can truly make this blunt and direct writing style work . if i were to talk about every poem i enjoyed, id be here all day but shout out to foaling season specifically that one hit me almost physically

2 + 3. the sandman: the kindly ones ( vol. 9 ) + the sandman: the wake ( vol. 10 ) by neil gaiman - all the stars in space . to me - if i loved it less, i might be able to talk about it more . shrimp emotions dont even begin to describe everything these last two volumes make me feel . i say this all the time though + there is not much else i can say without spoiling things, so . i dont know . just read it . the one thing i want everyone to take from this blog is that they should read it

4. panics by barbara molinard - ★★★★ - i think i found this thanks to lees ( stephaniesays1968 ) storygraph ... one of the instances in which the story behind how something was written is almost more interesting than the writing itself . barbara molinard was known for destroying her work and this is the only book she ever published - and being aware of that does make the stories even more haunting . or haunted perhaps . very madwoman in the attic, very surrealistic, recommending this to those who enjoy kafka and shirley jackson

favourites: the plane from santa rosa, the fathers apartment, untitled ( isolated fragments, liberty ), taxi, the sponge, im alone and its night, the vault

5. serious concerns by wendy cope - ★ - i expected this collection to have roughly the same energy as the famous orange poem, but instead it was just very ... english wine mom after her fourth divorce . though undeniably witty, occasionally funny and even somewhat subversive, the ever-present vibe of cynical pragmatism made it completely unenjoyable for me . however, wendy copes wikipedia page claims that her later collections are different so perhaps i just started in the wrong place ? i wouldnt want to discourage anyone from giving this collection or author a try, but personally i simply dont share her sense of humor

6. contemplation by franz kafka - ★★★ - i spontaneously picked up the czech translation during a slow day at work and ... well, it sure helped pass the time ! i have no idea how i feel about kafkas fiction to be honest - on the one hand he is so much more than the sadboy people tend to reduce him to and there is certain joie de vivre in his writing, on the other hand i find his style ... dry . ( saying that feels like a crime ) this was a pretty hit-or-miss collection for me, but i feel more motivated to read more of his work now, so . a win is a win

favourites: the sudden walk, excursion into the mountains, passers-by, on the tram, clothes, rejection, reflections for gentlemen-jockeys, the street window

7. howls moving castle by diana wynne jones - ★★★★ - this was so whimsical and chaotic and just bursting with creativity . way more down-to-earth than i expected, but it was almost healing to see these really flawed characters loved and happy . im so excited to watch the movie now, unlike everyone else i didnt feel much for book howl ( i just kept thinking he needs a fancam set to womanizer ) but perhaps i will fall for his movie version ? we will see . im very intrigued by diana wynne jones' style, it made the story seem as if it was writing itself ... cant wait to read more ! and recommend her work to every child i run into

up next: i said this last month, but i need to read my silly little college textbooks for real this time, so i should take a little break from this weird marathon reading i seem to be doing . anyway i hope to slowly get thru weavers, scribes, and kings by amanda h. podany ( finally ! nonfiction ! ) and um . well . there is still the prequel to the sandman . and a few spin-offs that seem interesting . and i downloaded stardust the other day because i love actively making my parasocial relationships worse . i should disclose that im horrible at planning though, so chances are i will just read ten completely random books again instead of any of these . love and light

[just-some-random-blogger]

oh hello love! hope you remember me) it's been a pretty long time, sorry. happy new year, btw! how are you? how are your mental state? what about "Waiting For A Lifetime", i absolutely LOVE it! (no it wasn't inspired by that moodboard. i just wanted to see something like modern daemon but with the undying love? and added something to make some plot but your sexy brain made something so much more greater. thank u sm) i really can't describe everything i feel right now in english? it's just SO MUCH more than love and purest adoration! you made something bloom inside of me. i cried and for me it's the mandatory criteria of a good story. you made it feel so real? (if it makes sense) maybe the idea is cliche and cringey but you made the most fascinating fic out of it!! this inner conflict when the reader finally meets daemon? my soul of a person who works with analysing literature a lot is crying. this drama with aegon and him being a really pretty boy? my 'pretty boys lover' soul is crying. this soft daemon who's so eager to save his wife in the beginning? my 'desperate for love' soul is crying. it's the real masterpiece. and how daemon didn't remember the reader but (idk if you were inspired by my ask or it just felt right for you but) felt and this bond that just was felt?? i want to kiss your sexy sexiest brain and praise your writings and you for everything you do. (yes every writing of yours is soso beautiful i'm choking) i was going to ask if you've thought about writing part 2? but realised it's somehow works just like it is? yes i'd still be really happy to read part 2 but it's totally your choice. depends on your mental state, your will and just you? i'd be just glad to know that you've received it and know how much i love this, your sexy talented brain and you! thank you! for writing it! thank you if you want or not to ever write part 2! thank you for just writhing! thank you for you! stay hydrated, eat well and sleep tight! take care <3

NO BUT WHEN I SAW THIS I WAS SO EXCITED AND SO TOUCHED AND I HAD TO HOLD MYSELF BACK FROM HUGGING MY SCREEN LEST I BREAK IT AND NEVER GET TO WRITE FICS ON PC EVER AGAIN

HAPPY NEW YEAR I AM WELL THOUGH ANNOYED BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN HAVING ACNE BREAKOUTS EVER SINCE I MOVED AND I HATE IT I THINK MY DAD WAS RIGHT I NEED TO CLEAN MY ROOM 😭😭😭

MENTALLY i might be sharpay ^^^ but thats just cause im dramatic though lovely loves like you come around and make my heart go

(which is a good Squidward scream btw)

NAH LIKE I HAD TO GRAB MY PILLOW AND HUG IT AND SQUEAL INTO IT AND HUG IT SOME MORE, I WAS IMAGINING IT WAS YOU MODERN!DAEMON NONNIE 😭😭😭

Like you have no idea how invested I was in this prompt of yours when i saw it. Its neither cringey or cliche to me (ok maybe it is cliche but that's fine haters gon hate) You have absolutely no idea how invested I AM in it now i nearly wooshed through the second chapter bUT IT JUST WOULDN'T END and now ive trapped myself into writing a p3 i think 😭😭😭😭 not that im actually complaining im g

Im surprised you weren't inspired by the mood board i reblogged lololol HAHAHA thats cool i was a bit inspired by it so 🫶🤣

Im so so glad you recognized the inner conflict 🫶😭 not to be that person but as a writer, i always assume my readers are dumb, just cause ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ WHAT IF THEY ARE AND NO ONE GETS IT AND IN TURN IM ACTUALLY THE DUMB ONE FOR MAKING SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE GETS 😭😭😭 I TAKE I BACK NOT DUMB JUST SLOW NO ONES DUMB HERE so yeah i appreciate that it was clear or evident there was an inner conflict and not that she didnt want to see him idk idk i mean reread the fic again (which made me fall in love with that world all over again) and thought i did a pretty good job explaining everything but like 😭 idk man u never know

IM ALSO SO SO GLAD YOU LIKED MY PRETTY BOY AEGON 😭 to be completely honest with you, he was so crusty inside and out in the show i didnt think much of him, but then i found out his actor was an absolute babe inside and out and i was like HELLO HUBBAHUBBA AWOOOGAAA

Im also really glad you liked soft!daemon. Idk i have been writing really darkly for him that i feel like i have shaved a lot of his humor and his wit and the fiery love he has for his family. Idk idk daemon is not a good man but hes also not necessarily bad thus the morally grey hottie we absolutely simp for. I felt a bit apprehensive with making him so vulnerable but i was like, yeah fine its a fic whatever i am the law here 🤠

I was definitely inspired by your prompt to make daemon not know who reader is!! I actually pondered deeply on whether or not i would go through with that and i think i even spun a wheel for it lol HAHAHHAHA IDK I DON'T REMEMBER. But yeah, they have a magic connection, literally, so Daemon had to at least recognize the feelings his past self had. That'd be too cruel i think to not add lol

So yeah if it wasnt clear, already i definitely am writing (almost finished with it in fact) a p2. I hope you come back to read it. Not to overestimate myself but i might be done with it tomorrow lol.

I am so so happy you came back to tell me your thoughts on my fic. I would love it if you did the same for the next chapter 🥺👉👈 pretty please.

ALSO ITS SO FUNNY THAT YOU SAID YOU WANNA KISS MY BRAIN COS I MEAN ACTUALLY DOING IT IS SO WEIRD I IMAGINED YOU KISSING MY JELLY BRAIN SJSJJSNSN ITS LIKE WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO KISS SOMEONE'S EYES COS THEY WERE SO PRETTY BUT THEN I IMAGINED KISSING AN EYEBALL AND JSJSMMSMSMAMS

I am honored you took the time to express yourself to me at all and in english. I appreciate it sososososo much it was clear enough for me i hear you loud and clear.

I am glad you came around though it has been a while since your request. I dont mind at all. Come back as often as you want my love.

Im also so happy you cried 🤣🤣🤣🫶🫶🫶 i love making people cry 😈😈😈 it means i did something!!!! You and i are alike!!! Crying is a good indicator for.... Enjoyment 👁️👄👁️ ... Lets not unpack that here lol

Also the fact you seem to like all my stories 😭😭😭 my genius brain is crying over the love im such a genius arent i? I love you so much

Gosh this reply is so all over the place i hope it makes sense 😭 im on mobile and woke up early and now its late and my brain is frazzled but i hope i went through everything you said and i hope you know i love you

xxx