#i didnt like this piece last night but needless to say

[toastyliltoasts]

Purely A Coincidence

Part 2

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Pairing; Prince!Wilbur x GN!reader

Words; 2.3k

About; After being sent away by your mother, abruptly might I add, to a whole new kingdom; a new life, as a physician's apprentice, you run into a complete asshole.

Warning(s); Swearing, Mention of pillory (although idk if that's a warning), dont know why but usage of cringey ass names cus I dont know wtf to call the characters (apologies to all the Isaacs), Mention of dagger, Not proofread :)

A/N; So uh holy shit. came home back to 21 damn notes on the last (first) fic I posted so I just guessed somehow that you all are in love with Wilbur.. So here's another one ✌️ (Also Niki, our beloved, is here <33)

Taglist; (I forgot to add this but uhhh lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist)

The rest of the story contracted very shortly, you had ended up in prison after the prince, who you now knew as Wilbur, had ordered for you to be sent to jail for six nights and then made you lovely reservations to the royal stables to muck it out clean. The thing is, that wasnt even the best part. You had to sit through approximately more than 3 whole hours, being lectured by your uncle, inside prison might I add, about how that was 'irresponsible' and could've gotten you in trouble. He wasnt wrong, not one bit, but that self obsessed ass really got on your nerves. Plus, you were pretty sure the jailors were also tired from the continuous scolding.

So after what felt like a lifetime of being lectured, Phil let you know that he talked to Wilbur's father who was, surprise surprise, a really good friend of your uncle's and managed to get you out of that hellhole after two nights but apparently, you had to keep your end of the deal as well.

And that's how you found yourself, trapped in a pillory, as rotten tomatoes, apples and other decaying fruits and vegetables were thrown at you by children and adolescents at surprising speed.

Needless to say, Phil had to draw you a huge bath and help you get pieces of unrecognizable fruit that stuck to your hair. And you're probably never seeing your tunic again either. After that the lectures did indeed stop, as you made a begrudging Phil promise, yet the infamous raise of his 'better not try anything' brow did not. You already had a daily entitlement to that hawk look of Phil's ever since he found out that your mother sent you to L'manberg because she was afraid for your safety.

She had sent a letter with you to hand over to Phil which probably mentioned something about your 'gifts', or whatever she called it. It was true that you would probably be considered an outcast there if anyone but your mum and your best friend, Isaac had found out. You knew that you had a little bit of, if not the whole of your existence, related to Merlin Ambrosius according to all the bed time stories you've learned from you mother. So it made some sense that you were related to sorcery. But that just made Phil more concerned about you and try to keep you out of possible danger, which you appreciated in some way.

And so, with countless warnings to you about keeping your 'special abilities', as he liked to call it, out of hindsight, he just pushed some vials full of, what you guessed were probably disgusting, medicine into your hands and told you that those needed carrying to various people around the castle and village, whose names you probably would've forgotten if Phil didnt drill it into your mind. So off you went on you 'merry' way to only run into the person you least expected to meet.

"Ah, I see some time in the stocks were just what you needed" Wilbur smirked with a raised bow as if asking you to confirm his suspicions. Keep walking, keep walking, keep wal-

"Come on now, no need to be afraid of me" he sounded pretty satisfied with the jab as your legs pause to let yourself take a deep breath.

"From you ?" you asked, still with your back facing him and not letting him have the satisfaction of ticking you off. Honestly, you've genuinely had enough of him.

"And the idiot speaks" he smirked. You hear the contact of his boots clashing with the hard rock of the surface.

"Look, I already told you you're an ass. Guess I just didnt realize that its a prince's one" you slowly turned around on your heel only to be met with his slightly amused look of shock and his other 'henchmen'.

"What's this now ? Got daddy's men to protect you ?" you gestured to the men surrounding him. He chuckles, his caramel eyes glinting with a hint of gold in the sun light though you could only interpret him as 'up his own ass'.

"You do know that Im capable of handling myself right ?" he replied sarcastically, though he seemed pretty adamant that he could knock you out with one blow (which he probably could and you already knew you were in trouble)

"Never knew that" you sent him a mock shocked expression before continuing.

"Care to set an example ?" your tone was nonchalant yet your mind was running feral. Genuinely not because of this dumbass infront of you but because you were in for another lecture when you're done.

Wilbur raised a brow in a challenging manner, chuckling lightly before maintaining direct eye contact with you.

"You dont know what you're getting yourself into, do you ?" he paused for your confirmation.

"I am very much aware, actually"

Well, another long story short, you were done. Wilbur had handed you a flail to make the 'competition' fair and things commenced. Both Wilbur and you had flipped over dozens of carts and boxes as he tried to corner you in for easy access and your weak spots while, to be honest, you were just swinging the flail around in defence with slight co-ordination, having never picked up the said mace in your life before. You could feel the now forming crowd's eyes burning into you as he had effectively trapped you between a wall and a wooden stall.

Before you could even process it, your eyes flashed a shade of gold, which thankfully no one saw, and his mace was stuck, wrapped around a pole. It bought you a bit more time to get properly on your feet and grab a near by broom. Just as you neared him, to demand for him to submit, you saw your uncle Phil in the crowd with the most disappointed and disapproving face he could muster which made you feel more guilty than you've ever been in your life. You felt something in the bottom of your stomach, some itch of sorts. Almost as it you were gettng deja-vu. And in that moment of weakness, Wilbur managed to grab another broom, land a hit on your head, which hurt like hell thank you very much, and trip you. But, surprisingly, he let you go just as the gaurds were about to drag you to the stocks again, saying something about how 'there's something about you that he just cant put his finger on'.

Phil had, instead of the gaurds, dragged you back to physician quarters, scolding you the whole way there. Unfortunately, he had seen your little stunt you pulled to distract Wilbur and went absolutely berserk on how you shouldnt use magic in front of people, that it would get you nowhere but the pyre. You were honestly sick of this, you were sick of this kingdom and you were sick of everything in it, especially that royal prat Wilbur. So you just wordlessly went into your room before throwing yourself on the bed like a ragdoll and spent the rest of the day there. That is, of course, until Phil came in with some kind of poultice to apply on the bruises forming on your arms. You both just conversed like nothing happened before you brought up the topic of your magic. Phil just told you that it was there for a reason he didnt know, but for a reason nonetheless. He gave your head and hair a fatherly ruffle before leaving dinner on your table and out the room.

You woke up slightly numb but better with rest. You left your room and sat down on the wooden dining table as your uncle made you breakfast. You apparently had to give some sort of sleeping draught to the lady Niki because, for some reason, she had trouble sleeping. And while gulping down your breakfast, your uncle informed you of some visiting neighboring king and how there was some sort of welcoming celebration that, as court physician's apprentice, you were allowed to attend. You werent exactly the most excited for hours upon hours of treacherous, boring speeches you've seen back in Willowdale. But you just thanked Phil for the lovely breakfast and carried on with your day. You found the way to lady Niki's chambers with the help of multiple gaurds and got there with slight ease, only since you had directions of course.

Niki was, undoubtedly, the nicest royal you've ever met. She was headstrong and had a lot of courage, while being extremely humble to the point you couldnt even believe she was blood related to that snob. She was incredibly polite and made you feel like you were back with a childhood best friend again. And after giving her the draught and leaving, Niki promised to let you know if she needed anything else. You giddily walked back to the quarters with a smile etched onto your face at your interaction with the lovely lady.

You followed Phil like a lost kid, gawking at everything your eyes land on. The castle was lit with absolutely beautiful shades of colours painted on the candles and the gold decoration shined under its glow. The ambiance was definitely lively with bits and peices of conversations between other people enter your ear.

"You sure this isnt some coronation, Phil ?" you asked, baffled at how above and beyond the royals went for a simple welcoming party. Phil chuckled.

"Of course not," he spoke as if you were a child, even as he said your name.

"As I see you've met Wilbur countless times, him and his father dont take celebrations lightly" Phil let you know with a playful glare at the previous statement. You scoffed, annoyance directed at the specific royal probably more visible now.

"I can see that very clearly, Phil" you glared at the prince you spotted previously, a few moments after you entered the ceremony hall.

You also spotted several well known royals around the kingdom and even outside of it. And of course, along with the visiting king who had all this ceremonious stuff done for him as just a 'gift' from L'manberg, its royals and people.

The celebration went on for a bit more before the royals of L'manberg had to deliver their speech. You had to stand a bit far away at the table and had to stay besides Phil as you listened the never ending string of words. You, god knows why, got that feeling that you've done this before, even when you've lived at Willowdale until now. You shook it off as your mind trying to entertain your bored self.

That is, until you saw a blur of glinting sliver under the low dim of the chandelier. Your eyes tracked down the metal just as it was thrown and, as soon as you saw its designated target, your eyes flashed gold. The dagger slowed its path as you, for whatever reason, found yourself at Wilbur's side in a spur of a second and instinctively pushed him out of the way. You both hit the ground with a thud while you heard worried gasps and murmurs accompanied by the sound of a slash. Wilbur, still dumbfounded, stared as the dagger imbeded itself in the chair he was on mere seconds ago. The sound of hurried footsteps met your ear, the gaurds seizing the man responsible. Wilbur's surprised eyes found yours while yours was still on the dagger. You found Phil staring at you worriedly but he knew not to jump in at this moment, you had just saved the prince's life, albeit putting your own one slightly at risk, but saved it nonetheless.

"Wilbur," you heard the king's concerned voice, making both you and Wilbur scramble to stand up. The king checked Wilbur for any fetal damage but ended up with none.

"You saved my boy's life" he turned to you and you immediately felt all the attention on you. You wished you could smirk in that prat's face, for his 'I can handle myself' bullshit but maybe, just maybe, your mind was a bit more occupied from recent events.

"Gratitude must be repaid" you shook your head at once. No, watching Wilbur's pissed off face in a couple of hours after everything calmed down would be more that enough.

"Dont be so humble, this requires a special merit" the king insisted and, even before you could utter a word, he continued.

"Henceforth, you shall be Prince Wilbur's personal servant" your eyes widened. Sorry, what ?. Even with incredibly delvished hair, Wilbur looked more deadpanned than ever.

"Father!" Wilbur exclaimed in an offended manner but, unfortunately, the king was hearing none of it and left you both, staring at each speechless. You were just about to start jumping at eachother's throat when Phil dragged you both to the physician's quarters to check for injuries.

This whole servant thing was not going to be fun.

[eziojensenthe3rd]

Midnight Gaming: A tale of Horny Furries

So I played The Crown Of Leaves past midnight, checked socials to find... Silksong confirmed to NOT appear in tuesdays games onl.

So Geoff Keighley cleared the air on twitter, letting hollow knight fans know not to hold thier breath for silksong this tuesday.

I havent played hollow knight myself but im aware that a lot of people enjoyed it and were waiting for the dlc-that-got-changed-to-a-sequel game. Send a prayer and hug to any hollow knight fans you see, y'aint all back quite yet.

So heres a lil story, I started following an artist few years back when I first saw their artwork and it enchanted me. Thier artwork contained characters in scenes just looking fantastic, different little details that were enjoyable to search, you know the term a picture is worth a thousand words? Theirs were worth a whole novel each. All of it wrapped in a world that you only get a glimpse of with each picture, accompanied with a description that tells a very short story. You know how dark souls had a lot of its lore within item and weapon descriptions? Same vibe and I loved them. It was the kind of world I wished there was some media, like a book, an animation, a game perhaps, where I could explore that world more.

So I followed this artist for a while, got excited for every new bit of art they posted, and over time they changed some things. About their characters, about the world. It was gradual so I paid no mind at first but eventually it got to the point where I realised I enjoyed their art less than I did before. The art was still good, the quality was still fantastic, I just dont feel as interested in them as I did before. They changed their characters and world so much, it just didn't do it for me. I could show you two images of what looked like two characters and hear me explain to you that they're infact the same character, ones just a more recent characterisation.

Now let me make this clear here, this is purely my personal opinion here. If the artist is happy with thier changes, then thats fine, more power to them. Its their world and characters to do with, my thoughts do not override that. I am not demanding they revert those changes just to suit my taste, i'd rather they didnt do that and just do what appeals to them. To make art for themselves. And if you happen to figure out who I'm talking about, please keep it to yourself. I do not want this artist harrassed on my behalf so please dont, this is a me problem.

Now as I said, I loved the look of their world that I wanted something like a game to explore it. So one day as I browsed the steam store, I managed to stumble across this game that had me shook. The screenshots, the characters, the enviroments. It looked a tad similar to the artist I followed but it was an entirely different world, tho it carried the spirit of what drew me in with that previous artists work in the first place and I checked to be sure, that artist's name was nowhere in the credits so they werent involved at all in this. Needless to say I picked it up just on that principle alone and... didnt play it until last night. Funny how that works.

So The Crown Of Leaves is a visual novel/point and click hybrid with following different routes and talking to folks like a visual novel and collecting items, solving puzzles like a point and click. Your just following a simple day as roui, trying to get by until some weird shit happens. And thats all im gonna say on the story without spoiling it. Listen, when I started playing, it had me hooked. The art just gut punched me right in the very place I felt was missing. It drew me in like the art I used to study with that old artist. Clicking on various objects just to hear little snippets, grabbing lil pieces of lore about the world I was in, seeing the characters and hearing them talk, their personalities just fleshed out and fascinating. Man, I was practically in love all over again.

In fact, im just gonna fill the rest of this post with some of this games art just so you can see what I mean.

Now, I do recommend this game but there is one thing you should know. The game isnt done, so far theres only two chapters with chapter three in progress but bare in mind it is a small indie team so take my recommendation with a grain of salt. Regardless you should definatly pick it up.

Maybe 18th century furries that live in a fantasy world that have a sort of gothic/mystical vibe do be one of my favourite genders.

See you all tomorrow. Feel free to leave game suggestions and feedback. Anons are currently on.

[caffinedragon]

Durge remebers his life before...sort of.

An Au headcanon:

R'yleh(durge) rememberd his life before being tadpoled but its a bit different from the reality.

Instead of his canon life he remembers this:

"I was the son of a Bhaalist cult leader in Baulders Gate who treated my sister and I like shit. We were his left hands, killing in order to further his cult and ambition. And when we werent doing that, he was pitting us against eachother to be his 'top assasin.'

I thought it was normal. Never really questioned it. Didnt have any reason too.

Despite me and my sisyer always competing for dads favor my life was...pretty good, considering some of the other poor bastards in the city.

Pretty swanky roof over my head, never without food or clothes, plenty of heat during the cold months, etc.

But then I met my buddy Envy. And He questioned everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.

And his questioning sort of flipped a switch in my brain. A need for knowledge and to know how everything worked and why seemed to possess me.

I began to wonder where my strange powers come from. Why I felt more at home in the water then in the Bhaal temple. Why I always seemed to know things and hear things I shouldnt. Why I always felt...wrong in my own body.

And with his help, we found out why.

Turns out my father is a bit of a monster fucker. Had a crazy one night stand with a Great Old One of all things.

And after I was born, my dad somehow stole me from her and hid me away in the temple where he thoguht she wouldnt find me.

Unfortunately for him, I found her.

She taught me many things my father had denied me, unlocked powers my dad had surpressed, and showed me how a parent was supposed to love thier child.

And the only thing she wanted in return?

Was to be there for me as a mother should be for her son.

Needless to say, I was fucking pissed after that.

I went from being daddy's favorite obedient son, to a thorn in his mother fucking side.

Even had a whole plan to dethrone him so me and my buddy could take over.

But, it seemed we underestimated dear old dad.

The last memory I have is of my baby sister, getting the drop on me and stabbing me in the skull.

Guess she got to be daddy's favorite like she always wanted.

But now, everybody thinks I am fucking dead. Other than the tadpole squirming in my brain, I am free to do whatever I damn well please.

And I couldnt be happier.

Too bad I couldnt have taken Envy with me. His dad was a piece of shit too."

[ghoullist]

finished this yesterday but i’m gonna be making a few edits before I post properly everywhere so HERE’S A PREVIEW :o) hehe

[indieboysarehot]

When did THIS happen!? - Nick Valensi x reader pt 7

It was easy to hide your relationship since you two acted so much like a couple when you weren’t, so hiding it? Easy as hell except…when it really wasn’t. 

—————

“Yeah you should see Y/N and Nick! They’re always all over each other. It’s like they’re dating or something!” Julian ‘joked.’ He knew he had to keep the secret, but….he was so ecstatic for the pair that it seemed that with every chance he got to make some sort of comment, he’d make it. Needless to say, neither of you were too pleased, though sometimes it could be a little amusing almost like an inside joke. You all felt kinda bad for the rest of the bands not knowing, but at the same time…if it got out to the public, it could be really bad news.  Nick was the heartthrob and part of their, well, fanbase was slightly obsessed with the man, so him having a girlfriend right in the middle of tour was a little bit…concerning. He didnt care much, but he knew Ryan - their manager - would care…just a bit.  

“Ah, cmon man, we’re just friends who cuddle. We’ve done it before, so why can’t I do it with her?” Nick replied, basically asking Julian “why the double standard?”

“It’s because I know youre in love with me and I’m a little jealous.” The messy haired singer retorted. You all, being basically one big family were like brothers and sisters - BUT NOT YOU AND NICK CUZ THAT’D BE WEIRD EW - and everyone knew how to push each other’s buttons just a little bit to get a rise out of each other. It was fun for the most part, though sometimes someone could say something that could start a little bit of a fight between band members, but all in all, it was a good playful sort of friendship.  

You rolled your eyes and smirked. The banter between the boys always somehow made you feel secondhand embarrassment at some of the things they said, but at the same time, it was really fucking amusing. 

“What, you got a fucking crush on me?!”

“Yes. In fact I do, so c’mere and gimme some lips.”

You all laughed, but you and Nick were just a little tense at Julian’s initial remark about you two and dating. You and he tried to let it go though cuz no one suspected a thing…right…?

————-

It was night time when you moved to Nick’s bus bunk, sliding in next to him and wrapping your arms around his waist.  You didnt know if he was awake or totally knocked out, but you said a soft “hey.” In return you got a whispered “hey” back. He rolled over to see his beautiful girlfriend in all of her sleep deprived glory.  

“What’s up?” He asked, a little concerned. 

“Couldn’t sleep. I haven’t been able to sleep recently, but like whenever I’m with you, it really helps.” You mumbled the last few words, a little embarrassed at your dependency on him to sleep. You weren’t like this before - sure, you were sleep deprived a lot - but with him..well..it seemed like you couldn’t sleep without his arms around you or your arms and leg wrapped around him like a koala hugging a tree; that was his personal favorite cuddling position.  He just found it to be so adorable and he just could never resist you when you did it, totally melting at the way you’d cling onto him.  

“C’mere love.” He pushed a piece of hair out of your eyes and then rest his (fucking huge) hand on your cheek, making you smile. 

You immediately got into position, throwing one leg over his thigh and and an arm over his chest with him laying on his back.  He wasn’t fond of sleeping on his back, but, yknow what?, anything for you. 

“Get some sleep, seriously, tomorrow’s kinda a big day…” he kissed your forehead. 

The two of you slept for the full rest of the night, cuddling. 

—————

Until....

“Holy shit—“ Albert’s voice.

“Wait what?” Fab’s voice. 

“When did this happen?” Nikolai’s voice.

The guys. 

Oh fucking fuck. 

You jumped out of Nick’s arms as quick as possible, totally forgetting you were wearing both his t-shirt and a pair of his boxers as sleep shorts. Questionable fashion choices, but hey, you were just sleeping in it, so I can’t totally blame you - plus, big shirts and boxers are comfy as HELL. He was shirtless, making the situation just slightly worse. 

“Oh my god! It’s…we can explain! Ow!” Nick said, sitting up quickly and then banging his head on the ceiling of his bunk.  

The guys held back a laugh as they watched their friends scramble to try to explain why exactly they were sleeping in the same bed, cuddling.  You were the first to speak, gulping quite loudly before you began. 

“Nick and I are kinda…”

“We’re kinda—“

Julian walked in and announced: “They’re seeing each other. How was it not obvious to you dumbasses.  Sometimes I really think you all are like the Three Stooges or somethin” He laughed. 

The lanky brunette and you looked at each other in disbelief. How the hell could Julian say that and just totally put it out in the open that Nick and you were dating. Asshole move, Julian, asshole move…

——————

It took some getting used to for the guys to accept the fact that two of their best friends were dating, but it seemed alright enough.  Of course there was going to be total douchebag comments and jokes to Nick especially as he still was “one of the guys,” but to you they were quite nice as always (since they were your best friends, of course), though sometimes they would make a slight teasing comment. All in all, things were normal though. Thank fucking Jesus Christ almighty, can I get an amen up in here?

—————-

The next few days came and went with almost no problems until……

To be continued.

—————

HEHEHEHE CLIFFHANGER

[dragonanarchist1155]

Ok so bear with me I gotta talk about at least one of my OCs while my stomach pain goes away (with the help of warmth and a bit of mint)

So

I think I haven't yet Posted about my dear friend Junnahed right?

Well, he does need a bit of an introduction then.

A fairly inquisitive dragon cleric is not something you would expect to find that often in your travels but Junnahed just goes anywhere, really anywhere.

He walks on the Steps of Saffiya, the famous Daknin explorer. Though instead of doing it because of a sense of self discovery and closure after the death of a loved one, he's more doing it because he doesnt feel at place anymore in the rapidly changing Daknin society and world.

He was taken in as a young hatchling by wandering priests of the god of healing of the Kiana snake people of the east, though was never much religious and nothing really stuck to him, he got really in deep on the knowdlege a out magic, especially restoration, healing and diagnosis criteria.

He set off at a fairly young age from the small temples at the dragon-snake border towns on small travels towards his homeland, but the rapidly modernizing Daknin tribes never really felt fulfilling for the old-spirit of travel that filled his heart, filled with stories about the nomadic Daknin and the wandering gods of the snake people.

He would not discuss it with anyone else, but he always believed that the "winged blue snake" form of the healing snake goddess was more than likely a wandering daknin healer of old. This belief fed his desire to set out on a trip of his own, as he saw himself and many others in the grandiose stories about the old gods. Maybe he could help people just like they did?

Junnahed set out one day with the blessings of his adoptive family and the promise of all the young students of the cult of the healer that he would always have a home to come back, and friends to rely upon, on the faith.

He thanked them, even though he knew he was unlikely to return.

His first adventure was... a bit crazy. But you kinda learn a few things after almost being eaten by an owl, successfully threatening bandits, defeating a chaotic monster on an unstable volcanic plateau, and saving a rich man from a stroke. Needless to say after that last one he didnt have much problems about money for a while.

Spears are a weapon of choice, like most Daknin. Unlike most Daknin though, he never learned how to ride a horse. He flies anywhere he needs to instead, and is proud of it. He carries a small sack behind his back, over his tail inbetween his wings. In it is most of his livelihood. Many books written by him, full of information, stories and diaries. Magic tomes with handwritten notes, spell components for combat, and ocassionally a skull or some bones for intimidation... which he routinely replaces with new ones as he progresses through his travels, after giving proper burial and respects to them for helping him prevent combat. This has been off putting at times with some cultures, but the usual Daknin approach to Pacifism has always been like that.

Though he wears a dark Gambeson coat frequently, he also wears an old upper plate below it, after finding out that for all he had read about combat in the old books of the priests of healing, it really bloody hurts to get hit by a sword on the ribs, even if it doesnt penetrate, especially when you are kinda skinny for a dragon.

If you ever meet him, expect a fairly talkative and respectful dragon, who will respect your customs and listen and ask for hours on end, who will heal you free of charge should you need it, and will usually hang around if asked, even if only for adventure's sake.

He has probably not realized yet he has already left his home world, through unknown means, and will likely not realize so unless significant effort is made towards trying to show him that.

In his belt lies a holy symbol of the winged god of healing, which he uses for mass healing spells should the need arise.

He sleeps like a cat, curled up on top of warmth and soft bedding (usually his sleeping pack which is a sturdy piece made by a thankful store owner crow man, after he spent an entire day helping him sort boxes of supplies), his feathery wing wrapped on top of him, and his tail wrapped around himself, or anyone else he is sleeping with.

He's asexual, even though he does not know the name for it, though he is a hopeless romantic, who frequently has both friendship and romance crushes of fellow adventurers he has spent time with and gotten to know. He is not prone to rage unless someone steals from him. Nomadic Culture makes him fairly comfortable with giving people anything they might need if asked, even though it might hurt him long term, but stealing from a dragon does not go well in any world.

He has sharp teeth, a sharp spear and floofy ears. He will become your friend, and that is a threat.

:3

_______

If you want to unsubscribe from Nike's Oc's facts then hide the tag #oc-stuff because I'll occasionally do this shit when I feel bad but have thoughts™️

Y'all have a good night, my stomach pain has calmed down and I will put on pjs and sleep.

[steeltoss]

Pre Shippuden — Shippuden Era

Ages 16 - 22. This is a continuation of the events in Hokkaido's life.

Age 16

I left off on her six month mission in Konohagakure. Backtracking a few months before she turned sixteen, she worked directly under Tsunade Senju amd had slowly reconnected with her old friends, including Neji Hyūga, Kiba Inuzuka, Ino Yamanaka, Sakura Haruno, Shikamaru Nara, and Choji Akamichi.

That being said, her sixteenth birthday was spent in the Hidden Leaf. The party was small and planned by Ino, complete with a few cupcakes and dango. This was the first birthday she enjoyed after Emi passed away.

Speaking of Emi, Hokkaido constantly worried over Ichika and often wrote letters to the younger one. After all, next year Ichika would start the Amegakure Academy.

Aside from her mission, nothing too big happened this year. Though she found out Sasuke was missing. He had become a Rogue Ninja. Okay that's pretty big but still.

Age 17

Upon her journey towards Amegakure after the six months had passed, the Kunoichi had taken it into her own hands to search for Sasuke. She strayed off the path she should have been taking to go to the Hidden Rain Village.

From here, she runs into some nasty company.

This was the first time she met Pein and Konan. And they looked like they were ready to end her.

Upon activating her sharingan, interest was sparked in her by Pein. She was spared on one condition. Well a few, but one big one.

She was to join the Akatsuki, accept the Rogue life and abandon her old life. This would mean abandoning the Hidden Rain and Ichika.

But on the other hand, maybe she could find Sasuke. She had no clue just how wrong she was. But she agreed nonetheless.

So she was taken back to the base, fron there, she met the other members.

Okay don't kill me but here's what happens when she first meets the Akatsuki: [her opinion and relationships will change over time]

Pein: Of course when they first met, she was intimidated and activated her sharingan, but being spared and hopefully brought closer to her brother, she would do anything he asked, for now at least.

Konan: Seeing her special skills, Hokkaido was intimidated but wouldn't admit so. She seems to be the only female here.

Deidara: I'm sorry Dei, but my little angel thought you were a very beautiful lady until you spoke the first time. Needless to say, she was rather shocked but admired his hair and explosives anyway.

Kakuzu: one word. Fear. This man is huge and crazy tall, also his personality reminds her of what its like to bite into a crabapple.

Hidan: she admired his dedication, but didn't like how he greeted her with “Fuck, there's another one? At least this one has a decent rack”. She punched him. And threatened his life only to find out he's immortal.

Tobi: well, he's very hyper and welcoming at least, but she wondered why he wore that mask.

Kisame: is he a man? Shark? Man-Shark? Either way, she kept a distance and admired his strength from afar.

Sasori: puppets are completely and utterly horrifying and she wanted nothing to do with this weird puppet man. Until she saw how red his hair was and her cheeks dusted a pale pink. It reminded her of someone she met a few years ago.

Itachi: . . . Her brother. Her brother, who had killed the clan was in the Akatsuki. Upon seeing him, she wondered if it was too late to leave the Akatsuki. She rurned her nose away and sighed.

Zetsu: “are you a. . . Big, adorable plant man?” i think it's safe to say Zetsu stared at her and quite possibly closed his trap around himself to save himself the embarrassment or black Zetsu threatening to eat her.

Back to Age 17

Sasuke wasn't with them, and she felt like shutting down completely. She was now at square one again. She had hoped this was her ticket to helping her brother, but ahe didnt know he didn't want help.

And honestly, you can't help someone who doesn't want any help.

Aside from her mind overworking, she now had to face Itachi as he was staring her down.

“hey, Itachi... ”

From there, the two walked around as he explained what really happened that day. She was torn. The Leaf had ordered this massacre?

Maybe she wasn't ready to go home after all.

Age 18

On her eighteenth birthday, she had spent her very first one with Itachi in nine years, and she oncr again, was crying those sappy happy little tears.

She never really expected a group of terrorists to the villages to get her gifts, yet they had.

Konan had gotten her a pair of fingerless gloves; Hokkaido appreciated the gesture because her hands were usually cold and Konan usually got things she needed or wanted anyway as the two had become closer.

Kisame had given her her very first katana, which, she undeniably adored the gesture; and she was extremely pink cheeked, she wasn't in love with him but she really liked his caring and understanding attitude.

Tobi had gotten her a mask to match his, which she never would wear; instead, she retaliated with offering to share dango with him instead. Which results in him squealing.

Sasori had claimed he didn't give a damn about things she wanted but still placed a small wooden figure of well, GAARA, in front of her; which led to the idea he had read her diary and had fully embarrassed her. But this little figure was different. Gaara was dressed as the Kazekage.

Deidara had picked her up some paint; remembering she hsd spent endless nights she couldn't sleep to paint her ceilinv and walls, and was out of it.

Zetsu uh, well, gave her a few seeds for flowers. It was for a joke since he figured she would never use them, but she held o to them. Just wait. These gifts will be brought up later.

Kakuzu, and i can't stress this enough, didn't do shit.

Hidan, on the other hand, tried offering immortality if she converted to jashinism.

Itachi had saved his for last. He had gotten her a journal and pens, as well as her stuffed panda from Amegakure.

A part of being an official member of the Akatsuki meant missions. And she had completed several, but what made her panic would be the one where the hunt for Jinchuuriki began.

It was a silent battle with herself. She had already dedicated herself to the Akatsuki but she knew two Jinchuuriki. Gaara and Naruto.

The day Gaara's One Tail was extracted, she covered her mouth upon hearing those certain words.

“He's dead”.

As if she had been hoping her life wouldn't get worse, she had already made up her mind. She really, really despised Deidara now. And she knew she would be killed if she straight up abandoned post.

However, on her next solo mission, she managed to leave a scroll for the Hokage and wanted word passed silently between the Five Kage's. She was playing both sides as of now, but desperately wanted out.

Would they believe her?

No. Not yet at least.

Age 19

Silence. She had succumbed herself with silence, almost like a vow she had taken. Deidara, Sasori, they were dead and war was coming.

She promised herself she would hate Deidara for what he did to Gaara, but she couldn't help but feel pity. Deidara was only a teenager when he died. [I think he was nineteen?]

With the Fourth Shinobi War coming, she was scared. Having no idea what to even do, Hokkaido assumed she would die.

Because I'm a lil bitch, I'm making you wait until she turns 20 for more details.

Age 20

The Akatsuki was no more. Almost all had died, and Hokkaido felt a slight empty feeling in her heart as she sat in front of the Five Kage's.

This was judgement. Would she be allowed to repent and become a better person or be banished forever, or die? Her mind was going wild.

Though, she couldn't help the feeling of ease as she saw Gaara, the Kazekage and boy she used to know, standing and perfectly fine.

“During the time of my extraction, I could see she wanted nothing to do with the Akatsuki organization. She looked almost forced to be there”.

The words Gaara spoke made her face turn pink and look away. Why was he trying to help her when she had fallen into the wrong group of people?

As if she hadn't already felt like she had succumbed herself in a repetitive cycle of falling for Gaara each day she thought about it, him helping her only dragged her deeper into the pit.

And Kami, he was so beautiful.

“and I'd like to offer that if you don't trust her, that's fine. She can return to Suna with me and Kankurō. She can build herself from there”.

So she moves to Suna and begins working on herself as a person, much of the things she had thought about was the very questions Gaara had asked along the way.

“why help me?” she had asked, the gaze he gave her was hard but he responded with: “you aren't the only one who was in the wrong. It would be wrong of anyone to not let you change yourself. I was given a chance and was once feared and hated, so can you answer this for me, do you wamt to live? Do you want to start a new beginning? If so, keep walking with us”.

And so she walked.

Age 21

Life in Suna was much different than the Hidden Rain or Leaf. Not many people would contact her or look her way for the first few days. After all she was an outsider and reformed terrorist.

Hokkaido had grown close to Temari once more, as well as Kankurō. These two, when free, helped her with the adjustment.

Hokkaido had left Amegakure behind, the ache in her heart subsiding as she realized Ichika had grown into a decent young child and chose to not become a shinobi, considering shinobi had too many hardships and heartaches to deal with.

As for Gaara, the two often spent time gardening and cultivating cacti.

Something from the past had finally been planted. The flower seeds Zetsu had given her way back on her birthday spent with the Akatsuki.

The katana that Kisame had given her was placed on a display.

Her Traditional Japanese Sword Display

The katana which is the most recognized full sized samurai sword and is often the first piece in any collection. It sits at the bottom and has a beautiful violet ito handle wrap.

The second would be the wakizashi which is a mid-sized sword that resembles the katana and the ito handle wrap was midnight blue.

Then the third which is a tanto. The tanto is the shortest of the swords or in many examples can be as short as today's standard survival styled knife. The ito wrap is black.

This is an example of how the stand is:

Age 21

The mask Tobi had given her had brought up bitter memories and had long sense been tossed into a storage box.

Her fingerless gloves had been destroyed during the war, but since she used them for swordplay, Temari had gotten her a new pair as a gift.

The wooden figure Sasori had given her of Gaara was more or less embarassing since she lived with the sand siblings and had hidden it away in the storage box.

Her panda sat on her bed, displayed and untouched except for during the night.

Age 22

Upon the next year, Hokkaido watched as relationships blossomed between many people, marriages and children coming into the world, she began wondering if she would ever have something like this in her own life. She highly doubted it.

Having been back and forth from Konohagakure, she grew closer to Shikamaru once more from childhood as she often joined the male and Temari on days they'd spend time together.

Other times, Hokkaido would stick to Kankurō and help with making puppets, she rather enjoyed painting them.

And occasionally, when Gaara was free, the two would still garden together and had began talking more, sometimes the two would even go out to the village and walk around together.

Her feelings for Gaara seemed to only hrow stronger as she had grown older, and she imagined herself having a future with him. It always made her heart hammer and her face turn blood red.

This year, she had cut most of her hair off to her shoulders as it had grown too long. She soon admits her feelings to Gaara, unsurprisingly, he was silent.

She most definitely assumed she blew it, but nearly a week later, Gaara had shyly asked if she would allow him to court her.

This was most definitely the beginning of a new and beautiful relationship.

I'll pick up with pre boruto - boruto era soon. Though im not sure if these are even good. @temarihime @thefifthkazekage @how-troublesome @houndninja

[shinahbee]

My Suha

Hello! Here is another manhwa feature that I wrote about in my December favorites but i put it under the section where I discussed certain scum antagonists that you will find while reading manhwa especially the ones with mature content. I really like the story overall even though it is for more mature audiences there are subject matters in there that can be relatable to young adults that have been through these situations and that's what I think a good story should include. This story does include sexual abuse and trauma so read it at your own risk , this is not something to glorify but to relay a message that stuff like this happens in reality. I've been reading a lot of darker stories and this is one of the first ones I've read that really left an impression on me. MANHWA SUMMARY: "A skillful secretary by day and choosy cruiser by night, Suha is a young professional who’s in search of some no-strings-attached action. He hasn’t had much luck lately, though, since a handsome face doesn’t always match what’s in a guy’s pants. This might be why he finds himself wondering about his dreamboat boss, Director Park Jiwoon. But there’s no way he can mix business with pleasure… That is, until Jiwoon and Suha run into each other in the gay bar bathroom."

this story mainly focuses on the relationship between jiwoon and Suha, and it is not abusive and very loving in fact,I'm glad that they show the contrast between how suha's previous relationships don't work out because of his trauma and how jiwoon despite being an unwanted heir in his grandmother's eyes was able to give love and protection to the person that matters to him the most. You can gradually see how suha will open up to jiwoon even if a little since he can't ever fully say that he can trust a person, he still wants to believe that he can trust jiwoon and one day give his heart to him fully. I have no doubts that he has feelings for jiwoon he is mainly just being cautious with the whole situation, and I agree with him on that point cause you’ll never know what happens if your relationship doesn’t work out and you don’t want to be too dependent on your partner that you have nothing left, so I understand his view point and why he is so cautious, but also understand that there is trauma involving his past relationships that lead him to a twisted perception of what love is...

So in my December favorites I've talked about some of the scum bags that you will come across while reading some of these manhwa some ranging form mild inconvenience to scum of the earth, there's this scum bag...I even forgot his name but the red haired dude in this story, who is the absolute worse and not only sexually abused Suha when they were younger and also emotionally scar both jiwoon and suha making them feel incapable of being loved. I didn’t get a good feeling form him when he was first introduced and I was right...lol.

I was like “ set that b*tch on fire!!” as soon as i found out what he potentially did.

 But at least the comments section was in agreement. You know that one meme in death note where L and light are in the car and L climbs into the front seat and just stares at him...that’s what I was doing whenever this scum shows up.lol.

But in honestly it’s more like this....

they just recently finished season two so it ended for now until the spring, after reading the last chapter i felt very bad for both parties, it was a flash back to when they were younger and focuses on how jiwoon being unable to do anything for suha back when he was still young and suha suffering emotionally from the abuse from the red haired scum i believe, it wasn't disclosed yet as to what actually happened but from the flash backs throughout the series, I can guess that it was predicated on sexual abuse, so before this last chapter jiwoon was drugged by the scum in order to trap suha into leaving him since he didnt want to get in trouble with the grandma who doesn’t like him already. so scum blackmails suha into leaving with him saying that if he does what he wants then jiwoon will be left unharmed...spoiler..didn’t happen, as we all can guess and he had hired people to go rape jiwoon while he was drugged, while he was going to sleep with suha, and of course suha was able to fight back and rushed back to the hotel room to stop those people from rapeing jiwoon, thank god...

so all this to say is that after this traumatic experience, they both had a lot to think about in order to protect the other person, suha was going to confront the scum and convince him to leave them alone, but this family odreal is alot bigger than suha can understand and jiwoon knows the grandma (president ) would not take his side so it would be meaningless to confront the scum cause that is her actual blood-related grandson...as you know blood is thicker than water and she would probably try to cover up his shit even if commits rape and assault...i know shitty humans exist..needless to say this whole thing made jiwoon realize that since suha walked off with the scum the first time after being black mailed it will most likely happen again, so he is essentially going to quarantine him by making him work from home and survalencing him in order to take care of matters on his own. In actuality if this was done to someone it would seem possessive/ obsessive but that’s how jiwoon is if he knows something will hurt suha. and that’s where we are left off. 

 i'll have to wait and see what the creator has in store for us. I'm not looking forward to it but it really needs to be told in order for me to piece together the entire story line, with that being said I drew this fan art inspired by art that the creator posted on their twitter. I whole heartedly hope that jiwoon and suha will be this happy one day, i decided to just do simple background with roses since the theme that I tried to draw was " first date" hope you get what I'm trying to portray. lol.

i'll link the creators twitter here

twitter.com/chahyun__

please check out her twitter for her exclusive art and updates on the manhwa, and support her by reading it on Lezhin Comics!

if you like this and want to see more manhwa features please give this a like and  comment down below if you have read it and what you think! please follow me on my social media below for future updates!

sheena

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Instagram: shinb_art

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

Tumblr : shinahbee

[titsthedamnseason]

If you haven't done it already can you do headcanons about Julian's birthday?

bitch you know it asdfghj and by some miracle ive actually gotten these done before the two weeks that could potentially be his birthday are over so happy birthday julian!!

julian has never really had a big birthday celebration before

of course emma and the kids and diana always got him gifts and spoiled him

you know, doing chores for him, letting him relax for a day, stuff like that

but poor julian is a worrier so he’d always end up insisting to help anyway, saying that he wanted to

he even would always make the cake since no one else could

it wasnt until later that everyone realized that every time they had tried to spoil julian on his birthday, he turned it around on them, and he wound up doing most of the work

they are determined to make his 18th birthday different

helen and aline are more than capable of holding down the fort now

plus julian and emma take a break from their travel year for the holidays and are in the institute for julian’s birthday

which could be anytime from jan 1-15 but my personal hc is that it’s on new years day (wink wink)

so anyway julian and emma will be in la for his bday and julian is a lot more carefree this year so everyone is highkey determined to give him the best birthday this year

nobody wakes him up early, and after staying up so late the night before his normal internal clock doesnt wake him up as usual

at 12am everyone else shouted “happy new year!” and emma shouted “happy birthday julian!”

anyway when julian does wake up, later than usual, his first instinct is to shoot out of bed and get the kids breakfast but he takes a moment to himself to revel in the fact that this is his first birthday spent waking up next to emma as her boyfriend

emma seizes her moment and convinces him to stay for just a while longer, im sure the kids are fine, helen and aline have been taking care of them for months

julian gives her like five minutes of kisses and cuddles before beelining for the kitchen

he finds that everyone else has already been up for an hour or so and has already eaten breakfast

the second he enters the kitchen everyone yells “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” and he is bombarded with hugs and drawings and cards and stupid gag gifts from the kids that he accepts with a smile cristina and mark both hug him as well and he’s pleasantly surprised to see them

(if you read my tda holiday hcs i made them leave before this point but awsxdcfvgyh they come back to surprise him)

he grabs a plate for himself reluctantly, wont stop apologizing to helen and aline that he overslept

they keep telling him they dont care but, surprise surprise, he’s not listening

when julian goes back to his room to get dressed he finds emma already ready with his favorite blue dress of her’s on and holding a present for him

his reaction is “oh that reminds me” and he pulls out another gift from under the dresser

emma is like ????? and julian is like “…for you” and emma is still like ????? so then julian explains “i got you a new year’s gift too”

emma is like fuck that shit this is a birthday gift asdfgyhu “who the fuck buys new year’s presents” “i dont know i love you” “i love you too but what the fuck julian now i look bad” “you couldnt look bad if you were trying”

anyway after emma gets it through julian’s head that he does deserve a birthday gift and no, she refuses to open up his gift to her on his birthday, nice try, julian, he opens it up

it’s a new blue shirt that almost exactly matches emma’s dress which is “an unfortunate coincidence”

he cant stop telling her it’s too much, you shouldnt have, and emma is like hoe you think im done??? think again

but actually she doesnt say that, she just says youre welcome asdfghyuj

anyway

they go meet everyone in their matching outfits and they all just hang around a bit, there isnt much else julian could ask for than to be with his family

but at lunch emma surprises julian with a picnic for the two of them at the beach

she promises that she didnt touch the food, she had aline make it all asdfrghy

once they finish emma gives julian more presents(“this is a prank right?” “am i laughing? actually i am but not because this is a prank, please just open the presents” ) 

the first is a whole set of paints and brushes and other art supplies i know nothing about, all custom made, the brushes with inscriptions on the handles( “jb” “as long as you exist and i exist i will love you” “i love you more than starlight”)

julian: where did you get that last quote from?

emma: i thought of it

julian: *melts*

he asks how she knew what supplies to get him and she told him how she saw him looking at all this stuff back in that shop in london and went back to get it for him

he’s so touched

he is already certifiably not okay™️ because the whole day has been against everything he’s ever known and he feels weird, he just wants to give something to someone, literally anyone

julian is so happy and when emma pulls out an envelope he has to bite his tongue to keep from saying “oh no not again”

emma just gives him a look when she sees him holding back asdfgbhgt

he’s preparing himself for some sort of long sentimental card from her that will probably make him cry but what he gets is worse

it’s just a piece of paper that says “im having so much fun on our date right now, but id love it even more if you came with me to the louvre to our next one”

julian is shooketh to a level beyond all levels

he cant imagine why emma looks so worried he wont like it

they laugh and hug and then proceed to kiss a lot before going back to the institute 

julian is ready to just chill now 

he comes in and there are decorations filling the entryway

a million balloons, streamers, banners

he looks at emma who just shrugs but she’s smiling so big and has a knowing look on her face 

there’s a beautifully decorated poster next to the staircase that says “TAKE ONE” and there’s a party hat for emma and a ridiculous crown for julian that says “it’s my birthday!” under it

they follow a trail of posters with arrows on them to the living room(im pretty sure they dont call it that but the room with the computer in it is where they always hang out so that’s what i mean awsedfvgbh)

everyone yells “SURPRISE” when they walk in and julian is sure he’s in a permanent state of shock

like yes he just followed an entire trail of arrows to get here but it’s still so much more than he expected

they eat pizza and play music and all just hang out and it’s a fun time

at one point julian goes to adjust his crown but everyone thought he was taking it off and yelled at him aesdxcfvgbh

they play stupid party games like pin the tail on the donkey(which theyre all good at since theyre shadowhunters asdfghjui) and charades and stuff like that

everyone gives julian more presents and he thinks he might combust

they sing to him and have cake

they give him one more gift after they sing and it’s a photo album of julian and his siblings and emma through the years

there are ones of baby emma and jules playing to 12 year old julian intently speaking to ty and livvy to 14 year old julian reading with tavvy to 17 year old julian laughing with dru to ones with helen, mark, aline, and cristina in them and ones from the travel year and julian is amazed

he’s so touched and he’s proud that he only cries a little

a little after that everyone starts getting tired since they stayed up until midnight the night before

diana goes home, tavvy goes to bed, followed by dru and ty shortly after

when julian hugs ty on his way out he almost feels like livvy is there too, and he doesnt understand why ty goes pale when julian tells him, julian worries he shouldnt have said anything before ty just smiles and says “good” before walking out

everyone else goes to bed shortly after

julian and emma are laying in julian’s bed when she pulls out a card for him, but tells him it’s nothing special

he opens it and begs to differ

the front of the card says “so many ways to say i love you” and she has filled the inside with ways she said it over the years

“protecting you in fights”

“i’ll put the kids to bed tonight”

“i would do anything for you, jules”

“we’re parabatai, we can do this”(julian doesnt like this one)

“take a break”

“please stay”

“i need you”

“your hair is a mess”(“really emma? “shut up”)

the list goes on until it ends with “i love you. love, emma”

they are both crying at the end

“i love you so much, emma”

“i love you, t––”

she doesnt get to finish

they have more important things to get to and, needless to say, they dont get much sleep that night either

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #208

Don’t forget to vote on the season 7 polls!!

BTVS 7x21 End of Days

Stray thoughts

1) So this is how Faith is doing as the leader…

…and this is how Buffy is doing as the outcast Slayer…

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder who’s the boss… (maybe we should ask Abed.)

2) I don’t like seeing Faith hurt, but I do get a very sick (I admit it) satisfaction at seeing all these girls hurt and scared because they kicked Buffy out and they screwed everything up in the worst possible fashion. I know that by having Faith lead them into yet another trap the writers were trying to prove the point that what happened at the vineyard could’ve happened to anyone and that it wasn’t Buffy’s fault (Buffy will make this same point herself later on the episode.) Both Buffy and Faith were trying to do what they thought was best, yet it backfired. Shit happens yada yada yada. Yet I just can’t help but feel personally vindicated when I see Faith and the potentials fuck everything up so spectacularly.

On the other hand, not only was Buffy able to pull herself together after the group (and her friends! Her family!) kicked her out and made her feel like the worst piece of shit in the whole world, but she also managed to A) get the scythe and B) make Caleb nervous, which was a first. So yeah. #teamBuffy

3) So why exactly were the Scoobies looking for Buffy? I mean, didn’t they kick her out literally the day before? And now they’re suddenly worried about her or something? The only person who followed Buffy after they all kicked her out was Faith. Faith! Do you see how wrong/ironic that this? Do you see how painful it must’ve been for Buffy not to have NONE OF HER FRIENDS – not Xander, not Willow, not Giles, not even her own sister! – go after her to see if she was okay? To ask her where she was going or what she was going to do? The only person who showed any concern whatsoever about her was probably the only person she would’ve labeled a potential enemy. 

Damn you all, I’m still pissed off. I hate this. I hate having to feel this way about the characters I’ve loved for seven seasons in the FINAL EPISODES OF THE SHOW. It just feels so wrong, but I can’t help but HATE THEM. What the hell was this fucking writing choice? I hate it. I hate everything about it.

4) If I have to say something in favor of Kennedy is this, when shit hit the fan, she was the only one who wasn’t screaming like a moron and who was actually trying to fight off the Turok-Han. So yeah. The girl got spunk.

5) But she’s nothing compared to our designated BAMF.

6) No one is kicking Buffy out now, HUH? HUH???????????????????

7)

Yes. Yes, you did.

8) And this is exactly why they shouldn’t have kicked her out or “rebelled” against her or whatever the fuck they thought they were doing.

BUFFY You guys, it was a trap. It's not her fault. That could've just as easily happened to me.

9) While I do appreciate the pun and the side glances between Buffy and Willow…

I still feel it’s very wrong they’re all just talking and Giles is playing around with the scythe as if the last time they’d been together they HADN’T HUMILIATED BUFFY AND KICKED HER OUT OF HER OWN FUCKING HOUSE???? LIKE SERIOUSLY??? In Willow’s own words, you're not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one.

Like, I know the apocalypse takes precedence, but maybe say “sorry for kicking you out” and “thank you for saving us AGAIN”.

10)

11) Again, I get the same feeling with Xander. Like, did they all suddenly forget they had left Buffy alone and kicked her out of her own house? Xander is all like, “I don’t need you to protect me just because I lost an eye” but literally a day before he was telling her it was HER fault he’d lost it, and using that as a justification not only for removing her from her role as a leader but also TO KICK HER OUT OF HER OWN HOUSE. And now it’s just like nothing ever happened? How is that possible? How is literally no one apologizing to Buffy? And not only is he not apologizing, but Buffy is telling him that he’s her heart and the reason she’s still alive, which okay, it’s all kind of true, but he’s also the guy WHO BLAMED YOU FOR LOSING HIS EYE AND WHO KICKED YOU OUT OF YOUR OWN HOUSE THE DAY BEFORE?!

I didn’t know that End of Days could make me as angry as Empty Places but here I am.

We’re 14 minutes into the episode and still, no one has apologized to Buffy and they’re all pretending like they didn’t turn their backs on her and it’s pissing me off. I hate feeling this way in the episode prior to the series finale. This is not how a fan should be feeling right before the show ends!

12) Not only do I know what a glottal stop is but I’ve also learned how to pronounce it. Or at least I was able to pronounce it a few years ago. 

13) And hence the fate of Miss Kitty Fantastico was finally revealed…

DAWN Xander, my crossbow is not out here. I told you, I don't leave crossbows around all willy-nilly. Not since that time with Miss Kitty Fantastico.

If you must hate Dawn, it should only be for this.

14) Did anyone really believe Xander would hurt Dawn?

15) What was the point of this scene…?

…I mean, other than to give us Nathan Fillion’s orgasm face?

16) And this is the difference between Buffy and the rest… just remember how everyone reacted and treated Buffy after the vineyard, and see how she acts here after literally the same happened with Faith in charge…

FAITH What do you want me to say? I blew it.

BUFFY You didn't blow it.

FAITH Tell that to—

BUFFY People die. You lead them into battle, they're gonna die. It doesn't matter how ready you are or how smart you are. War is about death. Needless, stupid death.

She’s understanding and reassuring, she’s not pointing fingers or kicking people out. And that’s why she’s a hero and the rest are a fucking bunch of morons. I’m sorry, I’m still so angry about Empty Places and this episode is not making things any better.

17) But I do love when my two slayers see eye to eye…

FAITH So, here's the laugh riot. My whole life I've been a loner.(…) No ties, no buddies, no relationships that lasted longer than... (…) Me, by myself all the time. I'm looking at you, everything you have, and, I don't know, jealous. Then there I am. Everybody's looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I've never felt so alone in my entire life.

BUFFY Yeah.

FAITH And that's you every day, isn't it?

BUFFY I love my friends. I'm very grateful for them. But that's the price. Being a slayer.

FAITH There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. We're not supposed to exist together.

BUFFY Also, you went evil and were killing people.

FAITH Good point. Also a factor.

BUFFY But you're right. I mean, I... I guess everyone's alone. But being a slayer? There's a burden we can't share.

FAITH And no one else can feel it. Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.

BUFFY Takes the edge off.

FAITH Comforting.

BUFFY Mm-hmm.

This is something that had been a long time coming. Since day one, Faith had envied Buffy. Just like Buffy saw in Faith her road not taken, Faith saw in Buffy the life she could’ve had but didn’t. She envied it and she wanted it for herself. She literally tried to steal it away several times. So if she couldn’t have it, if it wasn’t meant for her, then she could take Buffy away from it, drive her to the dark side, where she lived. Every attempt was futile, even stealing Buffy’s body and literally taking her life. It only made her feel more undeserving, more inadequate, more unworthy. But every time she’d taken a shot at being the leader, it was by playing tricks, by taking what it wasn’t rightfully hers. This time around, she had somehow earned it. There was no foul play on her part. Others made the decision for her and gave her the role she’d craved for so long. And she finally understood that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Yes, Buffy did have friends and people who looked up to her and cared about her. But when push comes to shove, when tough calls must be made, the Slayer is always alone. The weight of the world is only on her shoulders, and she can’t share the burden. It took four seasons but Faith finally got it. And she could finally let go of all the envy and jealousy.

18) I just love the fact that for the first time Buffy is the one who opens up to Spike. She’s always been the one who pretends there’s nothing between them and who skirts around her feelings and dismisses his. But not this time. And for me, it was enough that she acknowledged that it meant something, even if they – and we – don’t know exactly what that was.

BUFFY You're a dope.

SPIKE I'm a what?

BUFFY You're a dope. And a bonehead. And you're shirty.

SPIKE Have you gone completely carrot-top?

BUFFY Do you see this? This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. Look, I am tired of defensiveness and weird, mixed signals. You know, I have Faith for that. Let's just get to the truth here, OK? I don't know how you felt about last night, but I will not—

SPIKE Terrified.

BUFFY Of what?

SPIKE Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this.

BUFFY Spike...

SPIKE It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but—

BUFFY I just told you it did.

SPIKE Yeah... I hear you say it, but... I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy. I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but... I've never... been close... to anyone. Least of all, you. 'Til last night. All I did was... hold you, watch you sleep. And it was the best night of my life. So, yeah... I'm... terrified.

BUFFY You don't have to be.

SPIKE Were you there with me?

BUFFY I was.

SPIKE What does that mean?

BUFFY I don't know. Does it have to mean something?

SPIKE No. Not right now.

19) Update: 29 minutes in and I’m still waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

20) Am I the only who thinks this speech is okay but like, the writers were trying too hard to give Anya her “Anya Speech Moment” of the season and it kind of feels a bit, I don’t know, forced?

ANYA Well...I guess I was...kinda new to bein' around humans before. But now I've... seen a lot more, gotten to know people... seen what they're capable of, and... I guess I just realized...how amazingly screwed-up they all are. I mean really, really screwed-up in a monumental fashion. And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die...which they...they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane. And yet, here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do. They never... never quit. So I guess I will keep fighting, too.

21) #priorities

22) And in another episode of Plots Totally Pulled Out of the Writer’s Ass… (a.k.a. Joss Whedon Tries to Rectify the Fact that He Wrote a Bunch of Men Violating the Original Slayer by Putting a Demon Inside of Her and Thus Utterly Destroyed the Whole Slayerness Equals Feminism Theme)

WOMAN We forged it in secrecy and kept it hidden from the Shadow Men, who...

BUFFY Yeah. Met those guys. Didn't really care too much for 'em.

WOMAN Ahh, yes. Then you know. And they became the watchers. And the watchers watched the slayers. But we were watching them.

BUFFY Oh! So you're like... what are you?

WOMAN Guardians. Women who want to help and protect you. We forged this centuries ago, halfway around the world.

Okay, I get it, I get what you were trying to do, but it was so fucking obvious, it was so transparent. Like, I know most of the so-called metaphors in this show were not so subtle (think the fucking monster-penis in Doublemeat Palace, for instance.) But the feminist struggle in the slayer vs the council struggle was always something that I personally enjoyed. And this is how Joss’s brand of “feminism” began to crumble down, in my opinion. This is what a white dude who is a self-proclaimed feminist believes to be a Good feminist storyline, but it’s so clichéd and self-evident it's almost cringe-worthy. Like, you get a bunch of Evil Men quite literally raping a Poor Woman, who is faked Empowered (her powers were lent to her by the Evil Men and the source of her powers is Evil, Demonic in nature because  duh! she is a Woman)  so that they can Manipulate her and Use her for the benefit of the Patriarchy. But oh wait! This is a Feminist Show! So in spite of what the Evil Men who were supposedly the Powerful ones did, there always were These Great and Powerful Women behind it all, the True Guardians of the Slayer, This has been a Matriarchy all along, you see?! PLOT TWIST!

Yawn.

The worst part? I can imagine all the writers patting themselves on the back for writing such a groundbreaking and Feminist storyline and for sticking it to the Men.

23) And btw, just to show you how big a Feminist Show this is, we get this…

I guess since this is a Feminist Show and Angel is the hero here and Buffy the damsel in distress, that makes Angel a woman, right?

But hey, at least he (or she?) literally let Buffy deliver the lethal blow…

24) And yes, this totally makes sense!

because Angel has not claimed to be in love with Cordelia and Buffy has not just had her more honest heart-toheart with Spike. Let’s just disregard whatever arcs have been developed in both shows in order to deliver a Ship Moment for the Bangel fans, right? Who cares about character development, right? Because I’m positive this is what former lovers do after not seeing each other in over a year, being currently emotionally unavailable, and facing the greatest evil of all. Suck face.

25) Update: minute 42 and I’m STILL waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

26) Sorry for the bitter rant! 

27)  If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[byunrelatable]

ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying. 

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs

[naomihilah]

Day one

Today was my birthday, Im legally 24, I havent celebrated my birthday for the last 4 years, its not been an active choice on my part, well i mean i could throw a party for myself and people (mainly family cause they have) would show up but in the last four years it has felt like my « entourage «  for lack of a better word, has stopped caring much. In childhood my birthday used to be a big fucking deal, my parents would throw me a party that was equivalent to the event of the year in our town, damn it they flow ma and my entire class to DisneyLand Paris cause Im an only child and they didnt want me to go alone, not one or two friends nooooo! They flow my entire class of to be fair only 12 private school kids to Paris for a week, paid for everything.

My overseas family would call me on my homeline, like they would make an international call, that shit was expensive and they would talk to me for ages, this was back when the internet was something only your dad used for work. Nowadays the internet is the center of everyone’s life, you can literally DM someone half cross the other side of the world in under a second and NOBODY BOTHERED TO WISH ME HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY THIS FUCKING YEAR!!!!!

I have friends, im not a loner but apparently today i learned my « friends » are fake, no birthday wishes from them. I have this one friend, we will call her... Iphone 11 (cause she got an Iphone 11, i dont want to use her real name and i dont want to offend anyone by making up another name). I know this bitch cause she my neighbour but we also go to the same college and have the same classes, we went to different high school (me private she public) so we didnt talk much before college but we knew each other, first day of orientation she clocks me and like a scaredy-cat runs to me, Oh My God! Im so happy your here! Finally someone i know! Can you believe this!? Gonna be so lit!! So glad i have you to share this experience with...blah blah blah... from that day onwards she stuck to my hip like im her mother, she is a very shy girl and a whiny bitch too, shes the kinda of girl who gets an A on a test and cries cuz it isnt an A+! she cant make friends for shit cuz she has zero self-esteem so i felt bad for her and we became friends, im the type that makes friends fast cuz im not shy and im shameless and i talk my head off so i introduced her to all my friends, come midterms she is stressing the fuck out crying every goddamned day and im there comforting her and trying to make her feel better we study together everyday, everything, she WAS what i considered my best friend at college (cuz my real best friend is my childhood best friend who did call me on my birthday she couldnt come to me we are on lockdown fuck corona) but this iphone 11 bitch has not texted me a single word symbol emojis shit all summer looong and she lives across the street! needless to say she didnt even wish me happy birthday today! On her birthday this year i bought her icecream and wrote her a card. I got one word for her BITCH!!

She can suck my dick for all i care. I dare her to come up to me come October and classes resume acting all friendly and shit! I will fucking buck her and give her a piece of my mind. You might say im being petty over birthday wishes like i want attention, first of all its my fucking birthday i deserve all the attention i fucking want and second of all im more mad at the fact that she is clearly using me for studying and friends cuz she is an incapacitated bitch then wishing me happy birthday! Like i caught you bitch!

On another note my ADHD is keeping me up at night and my meds are killing me, im in such an insomniac state in the last three weeks that I literally have been prescribed sleeping pills, at the age of 24!

Tomorrow i gotta go to a job i hate and work for a boss i hate, unfortunately this job is actually the only thing i cant talk about on this blog cuz my dumbass signed an NDA! FUCK HIM!!!

Tomorrw will also be the first day after a full week of being off meds that i will return to meds! Lets see how that shitshow ends again! Last time i stopped taking my meds for three days i was fine and then i went back on them in didnt sleep for two days straight even with after taking three sleeping pills and one valium.

My thumbs are tired! Im out for today!

Peace!!

21/09/20 10:30pm

[blinder-s]

Rose Garden / Part Two

YO SO I HOPE U ALL LIKED THE FIRST PART BC THERES MORE COMING :-) (so i mean it sucks if u didnt)

thank u for liking it !!!! it rly means a lot life is shite nd this is what makes me feel happy so I’m gna do it more lol HOPE U ENJOY - evie XX

words: 1,302

warnings: none!

gif creds to the owner! :))))

The next couple of weeks in the library were fairly mundane and boring. You spent most of the time with Helen, gossiping about whoever she had a crush on that week and how she hated men and so on and so on. Your boss had returned the following day, so you hadn’t been expected to go and collect any fines, which was a shame since it was slightly more interesting than stacking or issuing books.

“Emillie?” You heard your boss shout from the front desk, as you and Helen were hidden behind the religion section giggling like schoolgirls, “could you come and help me please?” 

You rolled your eyes to your ginger-haired friend, who stuck her tongue out at you, before heading over to the checkout desk, where your elderly boss was drowning in customers. You hadn’t even noticed how many people were in the library, though you and Helen were sharing your sexual exploits behind the Bible.

You took your space next to Tim, your boss, and began issuing books out to customers, “name please?” You called out, not bothering to move your head up to the man in front of you. It had become a habit, but you were far too tired to smile for five hours on end.

“Alfred Solomons,” he replied, a familiar voice grumbled above you. You took his card, and looked up and the boasting figure stood before you, “nice to see you again, Emillie.”

“You too, Mr Solomons,” you said, stamping the due date in his book. One you had never expected to see a man of his characteristics read; Pride and Prejudice. You looked up at the man, an eyebrow raised.

Alfie noticed your gaze and coughed slightly, embarrassed, “I thought I’d start with the classics.” He rubbed his nose with the back of his hand, trying to cover his flushed cheeks.

“It’s my favourite,” you said honestly, biting your lip to stop the smile from breaking out on your face. His mouth broke out into the widest smile you’d ever seen on a man in your life, as you looked at him through your lashes. You continued to stamp the return date of the book on the front; a weeks time.

“I’ll let you know how I get on, Emillie,” he picked up the book carefully and tucked it into the inside pocket of his jacket, careful not to tear any pages.You grinned as you watched him leave, even thinking that his back looked attractive. 

You were quickly snapped out of your thoughts as Helen came waltzing past, a knowing grin plastered on her face. “Who was he?” She asked, cocking her left eyebrow and leaning one elbow on the wooden desk. Helen’s poker face stayed stationary until you lost the unofficial game of chicken.

You sighed, feeling heat rise to your cheeks, “he’s the owner of a bakery in town.”

“And?” She pressed, her green eyes sweeping over your uncomfortable demeanour. Tim, an elderly man of over eighty, just looked at you back and forth before rolling his eyes and dismissing you both to stacking books in the far corner of the building.

You busied yourself, hoping Helen had forgotten about how you were sat staring at the back of a man you barely knew. But her face popping up in between two cookery books told you that she hadn’t.“I met him when I went to go and collect a fine last week, remember?” You explained, placing a book next to where her head was resting on the shelf. She coughed, expecting you to continue. “There’s nothing else to say, Helen.” She looked at you, an unimpressed smirk displayed on her face, and you groaned, “Helen! I’ve only met the man twice!”

“Do you like him?” She pressed, urging you to spill your inner most thoughts- something you weren’t all that comfortable doing.

“I hardly know him!” You marvelled, cautious about keeping the volume down. You especially didn’t need Tim on your back, not with Helen already doing your head in, 

“Yes, but do you fancy him?” Helen nagged, wandering to shelve a book away in the non-fiction section.

“I think he’s quite attractive,” conceding, you shook your head at your best friend’s triumphant face, “but don’t say anything! I barely know the man, Helen. Plus, I doubt he’d be interested in me, he’s at least ten years older than me.”

“Who knows? He could be your Mr Darcy,” she laughed, a knowing glint in her eyes. You rolled your eyes so hard you thought they might fall out of your head, but continued to do your work, leaving her to bask in this new found information.

Your shift ended at five, an hour before the library shut for the public. As you left, a smell of coffee was brought to your attention, making your stomach grumble with hunger. It was coming from the little patisserie across from the green grocers, a small walk away.

Deciding to follow your nose (and stomach), you ended up in the shop, ordering  a cup of coffee and a piece of Victoria sandwich. The evening was cool; a breeze nipping at your shoulders and dancing around the ringlets of your hair, but still warm enough to sit outside.

Half way through your drink, a man sat opposite you; George Wicker.

“Oh, hello,” you said, putting your drink down and looking up at the man who you’d been all through school with. Despite being very attractive, you could never think of George as anything but the boy who pushed you over in the mud when you were seven years old, “can I do anything for you?” 

He smiled, looking deeply into your eyes. You blushed without meaning to, but the intensive stare just kept your cheeks growing redder and redder- until you resembled the same colour as a tomato. 

“How about accompanying me to the pictures tonight?” He proposed, a hand going to touch your thigh under the table. You flinched, nearly knocking over your drink.

“Oh, no thank you George. I already have plans; I think Helen is free tomorrow, though,” you said, moving his hand off of your leg, and continuing to eat your cake in peace.

“Go on, Em,” he moved his hand back, tracing lines up and down on your bare skin, “it’ll be fun- plus I don’t like Helen. She’s far too eager.”

Your conversation continued for a while, neither of you giving up. It was only when George’s hand travelled further up your leg did you feel extremely uncomfortable, and end up knocking your steaming hot drink onto his hand. It was an accident, but you still thanked your lucky stars and whoever was looking out for you.

Needless to say, George left rather quickly, and you were able to get away without a date. There was no way in hell you’d ever date that boy- his reputation was a bit too much for handle, and considering you thought of him as a weird little boy who made friends with ants, it wasn’t likely to happen.

You made your way back to your place, the streets darkening and goosebumps appearing on your skin. It wasn’t a far walk, but you still felt tired as anything when you finally arrived at your door. Your neighbours were in, the glare from the lights peeping through their net curtains. You could hear the couple squabbling about something; probably the same thing they’d squabble about every single night since you’d moved in. 

Sighing, you unlocked the door, immediately going straight to your bedroom. It wasn’t that late; but suddenly you felt your eyes becoming droopy and struggled to keep them awake. Maybe it was George causing you stress; or maybe it was your body telling you to dream about Alfie.

Either way, you knew men were the problem.

[wanderlust225]

Don't cry for my Argentina, the truth is, I never left you!

So true. A few days before I left for Buenos Aires I had this beautiful giddy feeling about being in the city I fell in love with during study abroad in 2007, exactly 10 years ago. A lot has changed in 10 years though - Christina came to power during my time in BA and stayed in office until very recently when Mario Macri took the office. It is fairly widely believed that Christina handed out lots of money that the government did not have to the poor and even more popularly believed that she took even more for herself. As such, she was voted out of office recently but the new market-focused president had to both open markets and let the peso depreciate significantly to get the country out of unsustainable debt. When I was in Argentina in 2007, 3 pesos were worth 1 US dollar -- now it's over 17 pesos to the dollar. That kind of depreciation over such a short period has significant emotional effects on the population -- ones that make trusting the government and central bank very tough. Anyway, back to my trip... We got in late on Sunday night, but got a super friendly Uber driver to our Airbnb (both things that didn't exist when I was there 10 years ago!). We decided to get into the Argentine schedule and went for dinner around 10 in Palermo at an amazing place called La Cabrera. We ordered based on the table next to us, because they kept brining out incredible dishes like fried provolone cheese topped with tomatoes and jamon and then a salad, to balance out our 500g of ojo de bife. Needless to say, we slept well that night. The next day we headed South to San Telmo to the famous Plaza Dorrego for some breakfast. Trying to give Aaron a true experience, we ordered jamon y queso tostadas, cafe y alfajores. Yes, for breakfast. And of course, it was delicious. Fully fueled, we walked around the downtown and saw Puerto Madero (and my old UCA campus) , La Casa Rosada, La Catedral (and San Martin's crypt - significant because it was his Dia), and El Cabilo. Later on, he agreed to go for a run with me to see some of the sights in Retiro and along the Reserva Ecologica. As a rewards for running with me we got empanadas! Then, we headed to my old stomping grounds out East to see Bomba de Tiempo at Konex. I was so excited to take the Subte A, until we got to the subway and I realized the beautiful old wooden subway cars had been modernized. Aaron made a good point that I should be happy that BA was developing, but I miss my classic city! Bomba de Tiempo was still super cool. The only big difference though was that you could get more than just a litro than Quilmes -- now they had a full bar with wine and cocktails and even food! After the excellent shows we went to my favorite traditional restaurant called Cumana and then my favorite fancy cocktail lounge, Milion. All of this brought me back to being 20 years old and feeling like royalty in a country that was perpetually 66% on sale. We tried some Fernet with Coke at Milion - nope, still tastes like medicine! We also had my favorite empanadas de dulce de leche - yep, still the most amazing invention ever. The next day we lazily woke up to faint music outside, peppered with what sounded like cannon ball shots. (A little disconcerning in a city that I keep hearing is more violent than it was -- side note: not sure if I believe this now.) We finally decided to get dressed and go see the impressive little band (that played Despacito! What else?) and when we got downstairs we realized they were part of a workers' rights protest... As we kept walking we realized this group was a teeny part of the thousands (probably tens of thousands) of people who had come into the city to protest Macri's market-focused government, contra to the peronist practices of Christina which they had come accostumed to. It was really cool to walk through the Plaza de Mayo with all of these people - until they set off the fireworks. Incredible though that I had never seen anything like this when I lived in BA... We walked to el Congreso (where they protests started) and later headed back up to Palermo. In Palermo we did a bit of wandering into shops and then headed to our wine lesson at Pain et Vin (very Argentine name, I know). We got an excellent wine lesson about different argentine varietals from Gaspar, who could not have been older than 23 (as he said 2007 when I was in BA was "so long" ago and then asked me if I was here during the downturn in 2001 - no Gaspar, I'm not that old. Lol). We tried a yummy Torrentes white from Salta, very different because of its high altitude. Then a Pinot Noir from Rio Negro (South), which was super light. Next was a Melbec from Uco Valley in Mendoza where we learned that because of tons of different sediments, wines from vineyards just a few miles apart can be extremely different. Finally we had a yummy Yuros from 2013, so far the best year in the last ~10 years. After wine tasting we decided on a nap - naturally. Especially because dinner was at 10:30, argentine style. We went back to Palermo to a super cool new place called La Carniceria which certainly lived up to its name. Aaron wanted to try to mollejas (thyroid gland) specialty so he ordered that to start and I had a piece -- actually a LOT better than I would have initially expected. We also had another bife de ojo and a side of vegetables -- you would not believe how excited I was to eat veggies after 2 days in BA! The next (and sadly last) morning in BA we went back to San Telmo, to another great cafe / bar called El Federal for "breakfast" (to be fair, it was after noon by the time we were eating). We ordered medialunas with cheese and jamon crudo (procuitto) and it was as delicious as it sounds. Then I thouht Aaron should get the experience of taking a 'colectivo' (an argentine bus) -- and he will probably regret it for the rest of his life. We took it from the main drag of 9 de Julio up to Recoleta Cemetery and it was packed with people and, even in the 60 degree weather, was pretty sweltering inside. Ooops! Evita was still in Recoleta (bad joke?) and it was still cool walking around the cemetery. For dinner on our last night we had to have steak - what else?! We went to a very old school parilla in San Telmo called Desnivel and it was incredible. We got a lomo with grilled veggies and papas fritas (let's not get too healthy). They brought the chimichurri sauce and extra salt and I knew it was going to be delicious - it exceeded expectations. After dinner we headed to Maldita Milonga. A milonga is a dance hall for tango. The special part about this one is that they offer free classes on Wednesday nights for beginners, so obviously we joined in! We took the lessons for almost 2 hours and, much to Aaron's dismay, only learned how to walk around together in a circle. I was just enjoying the tango music and couldn't care less what we were doing -- though I must admit I'm sad I didnt' remember much of my tango classes from 2007! Later the hall filled up with incredible dancers. I started wondering how bad of a dancer I was (!!) until I was told this was Tango Festival Week in BA and these were all professionals. Pfew! Then, we sat back and enjoyed the absolutely incredible show... it made me want to take classes again. We even took the floor with the professionals - but just the very center which is where we told beginniners were allowed. Still, we had to be careful where we stepped! All in all though, a beautiful wya to end my visit back to the lovely and ever-evolving BA. Heart full.

[weirdlyghostly]

my blood pool is small

there were never many, a family history of miscarriages saw to that, so now in the year of our lord 2017 the only ones left are my dad and his dad and brother

and me, the only woman alive with our last name

my dead great grandmother who wrung her hands worriedly and told me every day that she was going to die soon and then gave me $2 and a reeses cup and loved me in the weirdest ways, who gave me nearly anything i wanted and that once meant giving me the crucified Jesus figure from her wall and letting me play with it like a barbie. who constantly emitted a tina-belcher-esque groan of pure anxiety, which made people tell me i was going to grow up and be nervous like her if i didnt Stop Being like This. my dead great grandmother, a child during the great depression, born the same year that the Titanic sunk, who watched her evil grandfather murder litters of puppies and kittens rather than have to feed them. my whole childhood, she had a horde of cats. she picked up every stray cat she saw, let them breed and multiply, like she was saving every dead animal she saw growing up

my dead grandmother, who was losing her eyesight when i was 6 years old. she held my face for a long time one day; it was spring and i was playing in her front yard. she held my face and i asked her “why” and she said “i want to make sure i remember exactly what you look like after i can’t see anymore”. she was sick her whole life, in and out of hospitals as long as my dad could remember. one day when she knew she was dying sooner rather than later, she took my dad, her son, she took him aside and told him, “god, please, if you do anything after i die, i want you to make sure Hannah knows i fucking loved her”. an old woman with a laundry list of health issues, including some that inhibited her breathing, but one day when i was 5 i told her i wanted it to snow, and she says well we can’t make it snow for real but we can pretend, and what she probably had in mind was cutting out paper snowflakes but i came out of her bathroom with a bottle of talc powder and she did not scold me as i laughed and sprayed powder all over her house and told her, grandma, it’s snowing!!!!! she coughed from inhaling copious amounts of baby powder but said nothing and laughed because i was having an amazing time and she knew that. she told me once, in a moment that was probably too heavy and honest for a small child, that she had wanted more children but miscarried repeatedly and only had my father. but then she had me. a woman that was 5′4 and forever frail due to illness, but swore like a goddamned sailor and was known to grab a full grown man by the front of his shirt and thrust an angry, pointed finger in his face while telling him EXACTLY where he could go.

my living grandfather, a widower, a sailor who traveled the world and a truck driver who continued to travel the world, but by land making deliveries rather than by sea making war. he smells constantly like a garage, like metal and oil, has blackened fingernails from being wrist-deep in a vehicle only moments ago. in his navy photos he is so terribly terribly terribly handsome, with black hair and the same green eyes that his son has, that i have now. i have him to thank for my overly large front teeth and for how he, over the years since her death, has been trickling me a steady supply of all my grandmother’s jewelry, giving me a new piece on every birthday and christmas. when i close my eyes and think of him, i think of rags, always rags, sometimes white, sometimes red paisley bandanas, hanging from his back pocket to wipe his brow. i think of how he helped me grow pumpkins and we picked tomatoes 

my living great-uncle, who was never entirely there and is even less here now. as a teenager, my dad pranked him constantly. he more exists in the way others react to him rather than as a person who does things. he exists as a person who fell for it when my dad would put hard things -- bricks, model cars, paper weights -- into his pillow at night, and then continued to fall for it every single night, and never thought to just start checking his pillow before flopping into bed.

my living father, a child of poverty, a long-haired music-loving teenager in the 70′s during the height of KISS’s popularity. he always joked that he was born with a guitar pick in one hand and a wrench in the other, and i was too young to know he was kidding. he learned to play “Freebird” when he was 13, and was in his first band at 15. he tells me i am the best thing he’s ever made in his life, but i know better, because if i hadn’t been born his music career would have really taken off and he might have been famous. but he settled for being my dad instead. and he has been so good at it. truly a Renaissance man, throughout my life he has built me various different bunk-beds, push cars, radios, computers, and lamps. he gave me everything i could have ever wanted; we had no money, but he damn sure had a hammer and some nails. as a teenager, he began building his little cousin a wooden car out of kindness, only to take an axe to it and destroy it before it was finished because while my father was sawing&measuring&thinking, his little cousin stabbed him hard in the back with a sharp stick. a man who let me keep every stray dog i ever brought home, who took me to historic cemeteries, who loved southern rock but also collected tarot decks, who loves guns but cried every time his father hunted deer. 

and me.

we were never many and now we’re even less. my small bloodpool is made of rusty garages, cars with their hoods up in the yard being dissected; my blood is made of my dead grandmother’s blood, which she measured every night by pricking her finger, then accidentally left subtle blood spots on every pillow and cushion where her hand then rested; my blood is made with crochet patterns for doll clothes stacked up in drawers, balls of yarn; my blood is a hot southern night with a box fan stuck in the window, crickets singing loudly; my blood is poor people who made it work, somehow; my blood is a sofa patterned with orange and brown flowers, with yellow-colored foam rubber poking out at the corners; my blood is wood paneled walls, my blood is lace doilies on the end table; my blood is work boots, worn as fuck; my blood is a guitar that is polished and re-strung with needless repetitiveness; my blood is sawdust; my blood is making the smart decision even if it isnt the fun one. i wish we were more.

[astraeawrites]

hey guys!!! i’m so sorry that i’ve been so terrible with keeping this blog alive and updating it with new and original content. since a lot of you have been with me for a while and i havent been able to reply to messages and ims, i felt like i wed you a little bit of an explanation which will be under the cut. 

but long story short for those of you who do not wish to read it, life got busy and my priorities shifted. i have not abandoned this blog and i am trying my best to get back into the swing of things so please be patient with me!!

also, as a side note, my inbox shows a lot of notifications for asks but the number doesnt match the amount so if i do not answer your ask, its because i didnt get it!!

i know the last time i made it a post like this it was with the announcement of a hiatus of some sort due to some emotional turmoil i was facing with my dog that had passed away. since then, i have met with the doctors and we have settled the issue at hand which was the question of malpractice. we are still figuring out a few things, but my obsessing over figuring out what happened to him has definitely cooled off and i’m veering towards the acceptance and overall appreciation of the time that i did have with him. 

about a month and a half ago, we got a new dog which has also triggered a lot of emotions for me. both good and bad but i am focusing on the positive. they were ready for a new dog while i was not so the adjustment period is slowly moving along. needless to say, i am still very happy with our new member of the family and i love him to pieces.

i don’t talk about things like this too much as i like to keep online separate from real life, but a couple of years ago, i took a year off school to deal with some problems i was having. i was in and out of treatment facilities and hospitals for emotional and mental problems and while i thought it wasn’t a big deal at the time, i am now dealing with the consequences of that. i went through a lot this year with my IEP and trying to graduate on time which really put a lot of pressure on me. i’m supposed to graduate next year and in order to do so, i need to make sure i complete all of my credits which is difficult. because of this, my activity may continue to be bad for the next year as i will be going to high school during the day and adult school at night. 

as the cherry on top, i needed to take my grandfather to the hospital last week because he was experiencing a lot of pain. as i was on my way, i witnessed a car flip over on the freeway and i pulled over to help. since i was a witness, i had to answer a lot of questions and give a bunch of statements to highway patrol which in general, gives me a lot of anxiety. but that cleared up, luckily, so i’ve stopped receiving phone calls from them. as for my grandfather, he’s doing better but he is in a rehabilitation center and we are putting him through some physical therapy. 

so in general, my life has been hectic. at the moment, this blog has become a bit of a stressor since i feel like i have to uphold a certain standard for it with releasing quality content. because of this, i will be spending a lot of time writing instead of creating. i hope you can all understand and be patient with me while i figure everything out. i know a lot of you have been so far and i greatly appreciate that. and again, i will not be abandoning this blog.