#i didnt know okay i've always thought he was gay

[hungry-hobbits]

unintentionally spreading misinformation in my friend group by telling @dirkstridergothisheadinthegame with an earnest amount of sincerity that patrick dempsey is gay and then us both learning that he isnt

[theslowpath]

i think (if i remember correctly) you have a shipcest big brother au with tenth, so may i know some more about that? when did the two of you realize you had feelings for each other? what was it like to realize that? how did you both go about exploring your feelings? were either of you reluctant to peruse your feelings or was it easy to just go for it?

- @freakkisser

Ooo this is one of my favorites! Surprisingly I haven't written any actual fics for my big brother tenth au, I've only roleplayed it with my friend. I'm planning on actually writing something soon, though.

(Long post)

Okay so in this au, donna noble is our single mother. I'm in early high school and ten is in college. We were really close growing up, but since ten started attending college classes he was always too busy to spend time with me. This made me really sad because he was the only one who ever really kept me company, as I got bullied in school and had no friends.

He went to the same high school as me when he was younger and was fairly popular. He wasn't like a jock or anything but he got along well with everyone and everyone who knew him thought he was just a funny, smart, chill guy. No one ever suspected that he was gay, much less that he was attracted to his younger brother who was a small child at the time.

Ten had already been attracted to me for years by the time I started to develop a crush on him around fifth grade, but had no idea what these feelings meant or how to describe them so I just ignored it.

The day we finally confessed was when we were home alone. I had come home from school after an exhausting day and to my surprise he was there because classes had let out early that day unexpectedly. We talked and I ended up showing him some of my poems (hes the only person allowed to see my art + writing) and it led to us having a deeper heart-to-heart discussion.

I admitted to ten that I had been really lonely since he started classes and I missed spending time with him. He said he missed me too and decided to spend the whole night helping me study, since I was failing some classes and really needed it.

During our study sesh, I brought a bottle of wine to his room and we drank together. I wasn't expecting to get as drunk as I did. He got a little tipsy, but I ended up absolutely hammered. I ended up sitting on his lap and making out with him while we both confessed our feelings to each other. At first, he was absolutely panicking with shame and guilt but he ultimately went through with having sex with his younger brother, who was almost (but not quite) blackout drunk at this point.

A few hours later we had both sobered up and were cuddling in his bed. We had fallen in love ages ago and the cat was finally out of the bag. There was an overwhelming feeling of guilt and disgust for both of us but it was overshadowed by our mutual obsession toward each other.

We were officially boyfriends in secret now, and after a while the guilt was gone from both of us and all we cared about was being happy. It wasn't abnormal for me to sleep in his room and have "sleepovers" with him prior to this. We would stay up late playing video games and watching movies together and I'd end up falling asleep in there all the time. Donna had no reason to suspect anything, so she didnt.

[fellasleepinbaltimore]

sometimes I get scared I don't know my family. I think I know how I am in a sense and in the future that might include making certain... hormonal changes yk if I ever get to that point but honestly I'm not rushing into anything and I'm not thinking too much about the future I think just the next year or two is as far forward as I can think. well anyway I'm sort of scared my family wouldn't be as accepting as I think they would be.

when I came out as gay my family didn't care but that was in like 2014, in a liberal state granted culturally it wouldn't be accepted but like I know I was lucky in a lot of ways but I also think being gay was easier to understand and accept yk. I get the sentiment that they'd accept me as I am, yk no matter what they'd have love for me. but I don't know if they'd understand me and I still have doubts they'd accept it.

like I've heard my dad talk about trans people before, he thinks nbs are like ridiculous and I honestly don't know that I've heard him talk about trans issues like seriously it's always as a joke like "pronouns now a days" or "well we don't know if he says he's a woman, you don't know how he identifies" and to me yeah this seems like at best he doesn't take it seriously or get it and at worst he doesn't believe trans people exist and thinks they're being ridiculous snowflakes or something. but it's also like my dad makes those jokes like he's called me a fag jokingly before and I'm not trying to be like "my dad isn't homophobic I swear" it would be easier to think he was but he isn't that's just how he is he thinks saying the most offensive anti pc culture thing is funny. I can't really say he's an ally tho? and idk how he treats other gay men but honestly I think sometimes... it rubs him the wrong way like in his heart I think there's a part of him that doesn't get it and doesn't like operate from an understanding that like gay people make up a fundamental part of the world. like it feels like a it doesn't really affect me so I don't think about it, my kids gay tho and I don't really care but I'm not putting any work in to like understand them or they're situation.

like the other day I got called a fag and I didn't tell him bc like I just didn't think he'd say the right thing like idk I thought he'd be like maybe they weren't saying it to you or idk what he even could have said but it feels like something I'd tell my father if I thought my father got it.

so if I were to like yk make the change I genuinely don't know how he'd react I think on one hand he'd think it was ridiculous like I mean when I did the gender marker (tbh I shouldn't have don't but honestly I needed to like have something to like idk y'all know what I mean) and he was like why'd you do that?! and I was like cos I wanted to and we didn't talk about it

and like I said I just don't think he gets it and I don't think he's interested in getting it by any means like. I don't think he cares what it's like to be a gay man or anything or a trans woman or whatever I don't know that idk

and he's said he doesn't care it isn't any of his business or whatever like I told him I was bi and he was like okay?? fuck do I care and like idk if that's like ughhh LIKE TOLERANCE IS NOT SUPPORT and it's not even tolerance it's apathy but like I know he's not apathetic either?? bc clearly he cares a little? so like idk he's the one I mostly worried about and that's mostly bc I live with him.

like I didnt even come out to him I came out to my siblings and my mom and that's it. I was living with my mom at the time so it felt more important to tell them and I cared more about their feelings and acceptance than my dad but mostly I was afraid to tell him so I didn't. but now I live with him and this is a kinda more hot button thing than being gay? kinda? not really tho I guess but idk. and no one like would be able to defend me bc they probably don't get it either! so it's like.

on one hand I feel like everyone would be relatively cool with trans shit but on the other hand I can see it being a like bigger subject especially if it was like me transitioning yk. like my dad doesn't care about like most of my friend or anything like that like I don't think he'd care much or at least he wouldn't say anything like he's usually polite or filters hisself so it's like idk he wouldn't like flip out on anyone I knew but it's also like I'm just I wish I could be sure he was a safe person like that's it

like I haven't even told anyone in my family really I'm nonbinary or what to change my name or any of that like it's just like... it feels so nitpicky to explain like when I was younger it's like yeah it mattered for them to know but now it's like if they don't get me they don't get it but maybe I'm afraid to say something too like I don't wanna have the conversation with them about what it means or what I'm really thinking about bc it's like I don't want to be told im being dramatic or clueless.

and he's kinda right like it doesn't really matter that much but also it's just a bullshit cop out to not have to talk about it like... I would have to draw a line and distance myself and pretend to be someone or something else with my family like... he thinks coming out is dumb it's no one's business and I agree it is no one's business but when you tell someone ur queer it's so they understand you better bc your understanding is important... and I don't think he gets it

I think my siblings would be ok with it like the idea and such they might not be perfect but yk they'd try I think and I think my mom would too even my stepdad might and I don't think my dad would reject me I just think he'd stand in the corner saying "alright if you say so" and then id have to endure transphobic jokes

and it doesn't matter how I feel. and as long as he's not paying for it I'm sure he wouldn't care.

[orionsangel86]

I would like to hear your GOmens opinions! I feel like the fandom is a mix of reasonable and bathshit dumb opinions.

Oh nonny I don't know if you truly do! My opinions are controversial at minimum and likely to get me cancelled by GO fandom at most!

*deep breath* Okay you asked for it. Don't come at me when you don't like what I have said.

I'll put this under a cut cos it'll no doubt get long and ranty and look fair warning to anyone clicking read more, these are JUST one person's opinions. We can disagree on those things. I'm not going around screaming at people that they are wrong and I've kept this all very close to my chest for a very long time now. So please take that with a pinch of salt before you decide to read my rant.

*sigh* this is probably a bad idea but here goes...

The thing is, I love analysing TV and film and literature, and I take an analytical view of things where I try to set myself apart as much as possible from the highly emotional volatile fandom response. (I dont always succeed in this but I try).

One thing I always stress is that characters in TV shows or movies are *not real people* and therefore you can't apply real people sensitivities to them. They are instead frankenstein mixes of what the creative team wants them to be, and every little decision about the characters is carefully thought out. Intention and interpretation matters. My view on a character is not an invalidation of a real persons identity. If I say a character is not X, that does not mean I think that real people who are X are not valid, or that I don't believe in their real life identity. Is this all clear so far? Okay.

Representation also matters and I have seen Good Omens fandom tie themselves up in a frenzie of policing fans and call out posts accusing anyone who wants more from AziraCrows relationship a whole multitude of x-phobics depending on the buzzword of the day. To the point that these fans have convinced themselves that a kiss or love declaration or ANYTHING from AziraCrow that would be considered more explicit than what we got in Season 1 is something they DON'T want because somehow that would take away from the *x-identity rep* theyve decided to claim as canon. But sadly these fans have rather deluded themselves because none of those identities are *canon* in season 1. Even the claims that AziraCrow are gender non conforming non binary etc are not *canon* because *canon* means that any dumbass regular audience member could watch the thing and say "oh. That character is x". Yes Crowley is Nanny Asteroth for a time, but a general audience is just going to view that as male Crowley in drag. Sorry but its the truth. They see David Tennant playing Crowley, they see a male actor playing Crowley, they are gonna view Crowley as a male. Unless it is textually stated by Crowley that he isn't male, then they aren't gonna get it and it isn't the rep you want it to be, because representation should mean that everyone ELSE also notices and learns to understand about those marginalised identities.

Take Sandman. Very gay. Very very gay. So gay that people from the dumbass general audience (the DGA going forward) went online to complain about it being gay because the gay was so very obvious to them, so obvious in fact they claimed *every* character in Sandman was gay and having gay sex and I'll be honest it left me rather disappointed when Morpheus didnt fuck Hob Gadlings brains out in episode 6 like he clearly wanted to, but I digress.

Take OFMD, Jim is a canonical non binary character and the show makes this clear in the canon text without ever having Jim say they are "non binary" or have the clumsy awkward explanation that is clearly for the DGA about it, but instead the conversation flows naturally - are you a woman? I don't know. Are you a man? I don't know. I'm just Jim. Okay Just Jim. We will refer to you by they/them pronouns now. It's all cool.

But Crowley and Aziraphale are characters played by male actors who always use he/him pronouns. Even as Nanny Asteroth no one ever refers to the nanny as "she". So its not clear to the DGA. Them being asexual may be a valid headcanon, but its not canon if its never mentioned. If at some point someone said something to Zira about sex and he said "oh I don't go in for that sort of thing" then sure, that's got some canon merit to it, but otherwise Good Omens can NOT be applauded for being good asexual representation on television.

If your general audience of braindead heteronormative idiots isnt seeing it, its not technically canon. Its implied, subtextual, queer coded, hinted at, etc, but not *canon*. Its not gonna get a GLAAD nomination for representation and a bunch of queer journalists writing articles about it if its only *subtext*.

I don't recall any of the queer media people applauding Good Omens for being queer representation. I recall them all sort of scratching their heads being like "is it...?" and I recall a lot of people getting rather annoyed because NG took a stance online proclaiming that it was an obvious love story when really, from just watching the show... it kind of wasn't?

God this is gonna get me so much hate... *sigh* okay look. I adore season 1. I was totally with you guys celebrating how queer it all seemed to me and loving NGs responses on Twitter to anyone questioning the "friendship" between Az+Crow. I was also online getting wrapped up in the fandom echo chamber claiming it was 100% canon and anyone who didn't see it was a homophobic moron or whatever... yeah... but I've grown up a lot since 2019 surprisingly - the whole Destiel going "canon" and then getting shoved forcefully back into the metaphorical closet was a big eye opener and everything changed after November 5th 2020.

Suddenly, what Az+Crow had in season 1 wasn't enough anymore. It should never have been enough to begin with. I recall my very first watch and how I was seeing all the subtext and coding and clear romantic tropes build and build and then we got to that final scene in the ritz and all I wanted was for them to take each others hands, I watched with eager anticipation and... it didn't happen. I can vividly recall the disappointment I felt at that moment. I didn't need a kiss, or a declaration, but I wanted them to hold hands in that scene. They got so close! Zira leans in and places his hand on the table right by Crowley and my GOD it was like being edged without the pay off. I hated it. I HATED it because it would have been SO EASY but they didn't do it.

I also recall getting quietly annoyed at NG for claiming they held hands on the bus. I watched the slowed down zoomed in gifs of that moment and sorry, but no. They don't. Even if the actors actually DID hold hands, the camera doesn't pick it up clearly enough for it to mean a damn thing.

I totally understand people claiming that Az+Crow are already queer. It's totally valid to see yourself in them and want them to represent you. But the painful truth is that in season 1 of the show, they aren't anything of what you claim them to be. They are two characters who are male presenting who are very good friends to the point that its all a bit homoerotic. The DGA isn't gonna take any time to think about the complexities of angel and demon gender or the lack thereof, they are only gonna see two male actors playing said angel and demon. They aren't gonna think about you and your identity, and they aren't gonna pick up the subtext even if it is painfully obvious. Because they won't see it as gay unless it is explicitly gay.

But Saz, why should we care what the DGA thinks?

Because thats what this whole argument has always been about. Because that's what canon means. No one, not even the DGA are arguing today about whether or not Castiel is gay. No one in the DGA is arguing about Stede and Blackbeard, or Lucius. No one is arguing about the Corinthian or Johanna Constantine. They see that these characters are queer, they accept it. Simple. Because of this, it counts towards representation. Because it normalises our identities. By putting our identities into mainstream stories in such a way that they are unavoidable for the DGA, THAT is what representation is.

When characters and stories keep our identities buried in subtext and allusions and queer coding which quite frankly should have been left in the hays code era, it doesn't count towards representation, no matter what your fandom echo chamber may scream into the void. Or, for that matter, what your creator and fantasy genre author may claim in the void either.

Word of God may help us in a lot of ways, but if they aint putting it into the actual text, then word of god is meaningless in terms of representation as well. Disney claiming Valkyrie was bisexual doesn't mean a damn thing if she never discusses her bisexuality or has any scenes where she shows interest in the same sex. Thankfully that changed in the latest movie, but for a long time it was a problem.

Okay then. So what am I saying? Was NG queerbaiting us with AziraCrow in season 1?

No. Gods I hate that word. Queerbaiting is only occurring when the creators involved maliciously add queer subtext with the explicit intention of gaining popularity among queer audiences specifically with no intention to reward them by actually making those characters queer.

Now, I may not agree with people who claim Crowley and Aziraphale are explicitly queer in season 1, but I also don't think NG ever intended GO to be a queer show. He made GO to be a popular fantasy show as a last wish for his friend Terry Pratchet. He made it extremely faithful to the book in every way (in some ways, to the detriment of the show) and that includes keeping AziraCrows relationship in safe platonic territory. Yes he ramped up the romantic subtext, but I fully believe that this was because he had already decided he was going to further develop the story if season 1 was a hit, but I don't think for a second that he predicted that it would gain such massive traction in queer fandom circles.

No malicious intent to utilise the queer community, no queerbaiting. So lets just stamp down on that accusation once and for all. It's bullshit.

But that changes in season 2. So here is where I have been getting annoyed at GO fandom lately with all this "we don't need it to be explicit! A kiss would invalidate my identity! If they do anything it'll take away from ace rep! etc etc" SHUt UP!

Why do all these fans think kissing is something ace people don't do? Why would an innocent kiss invalidate ace rep? Are you HEARING YOURSELVES?! and okay, even if you are an ace person who does not ever kiss, are you so opposed to words of affirmation too? Are you a hater of love declarations now? Why is THAT such a terrible thing? You are deluding yourselves, and I get why. You are trying to protect yourselves from disappointment because you have spent 4 years screaming at people online and policing people who dare to say that AziraCrow aren't already canonically together and in love and have somehow tied your own identity into these characters to the point that you are frightened that season 2 might disprove your words and somehow invalidate your identity. Gods forbid if they DO kiss now you have lost the precious representation you claimed was so important to you right? But its NOT the case!

If nothing happens in GO S2 then it WOULD be queerbaiting. For the FIRST TIME. Because NG knows now how important AziraCrow's relationship is to the queer fans and he himself has been claiming its a love story for 4 years. If he didn't put his money where his mouth is and make them explicitly canonically queer and together in season 2 then I'm sorry but it would very much be queerbaiting. Keeping the loud queer fanbase on tenterhooks, getting them all excited so that GO trends on social media and then NOT following through? That's CLASSIC QUEERBAITING.

But NG isn't doing that. Because they are going to be together. Because it will be explicitly queer. Because even the trailer indicates this is the case. The season 1 GO trailer didn't include any of the romantic subtext if I recall correctly, it was solely promoted as a silly fantasy show. The season 2 trailer leans into the romance. It'll be explicitly clear - because I don't think NG is stupid enough to not go through with it. I understand why he didn't in season 1, there was a lot more at stake and he wanted to keep it totally 100% faithful to the book, but season 2 is a blank page, open book, nothing stopping it from happening. Plus, in 2023, in a post Destiel confession, post OFMD world, not going there would be just the most idiotic bad for business move the man could make.

So can GO fans please stop making bad faith arguments about why AziraCrow shouldn't be more explicitly together in season 2? Because I'll be honest, it is coming across less like you wanna protect the supposed "Ace representation" and more like maybe you are just uncomfortable with the idea of two middle aged male actors being physically intimate on screen.

Also if NG doesn't have the balls to go through with it, then can y'all please stop protecting him? I love the guy. I do. I think he is a talented genius who has done more for the fantasy genre than anyone else alive today. But gods, if he doesn't let AziraCrow at least confirm to themselves or other people that they have non platonic feelings for each other, in such a way that the DGA understands that this is a non platonic love story, then he deserves all the angry asks and queerbaiting accusations he will inevitably get. Personally, I don't think he's that dumb. So perhaps his fans can also have a bit more faith in him too.

**to anyone who may want to address the spoiler in this post, please don't. I am aware of it and have chosen in this ask to not acknowledge it so that all fans can read this, besides, the spoiler itself does not actually change anything I have mentioned here especially with some of the daft theories I have seen surrounding it.**

Okay I'm done. Rant over. Proceed to cancel me if you must.

[grcetxt]

FNAF FILM SPOLIERS!!

So the fnaf film got released yesterday in the UK, and I was lucky enough to go to the first public screening!! I loved it sm, and I've got some theories, so buckle up.

First off, little details I loved. Balloon Boy was hilarious. MatPat's cameo was unexpected and amazing. I loved Foxy singing his little song (Which I and the people sat behind me sang along to) Mike's alarm clock and the pills on his bedside table being a throwback to game 4? Amazing. "I always come back!" Ok icon. And ofc, living tombstone at the end. Best feeling was when everyone in the cinema started scream-singing "FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYSSSS"

Ok, Garett, who tf is this guy? I'm pretty sure he was Afton's first victim, so after a while of thinking, I thinkkk he might be the puppet? Ik it sounds far-fetched, hear me out. So every other ghost kid has been tied to an animatronic so far, that was expected, except for Garett. Now it could be that because Garett was kidnapped and killed and not lured away like the other kids, he just wasn't put into an animatronic, but I think that would be a missed opportunity. I think it would be perfect for Film 2, especially considering how Abby asked to see the animatronics again. Also, the fact that the puppet didnt feature AT ALL this film? A bit disappointing tbh. Ik they're in Game 2, not Game 1, but so's BB. I thought for a while about MatPats theory of Garett being Golden Freddy, and it being a dual soul situation like the Games, but idk. i talked to my dad, and as he put it "That wouldnt translate well from game to screen, no producer would sign on to that" and we all know how much of a film expert my dad is (/sarc) but i reckon he's right.

Okay, Baby. She's a Chekhov's gun that hasn't been shot yet. I think I speak for everyone when I say that I rate that babys screentime won't be limited to a little attempt on Abby's life and eating a broom. I've been trying to think about what she could do next film, and honestly? All roads lead back to Vanessa. This might just be my lore-hungry brain wanting Afton's daughter to possess Baby, but idk. It could be that Baby gets Abby next film? But I feel like she would know better after being almost killed by it. I think that Afton won't forgive his daughter so easily, I'm thinking he'll want to level the playing field, let her see how it feels.

I rate that film 2 will probably be a cross of being set in Game 3 and Game 5. I'm mostly convinced of Game 3, with the whole Afton being locked in the back room thing. But if they do decide to go the Baby route, then we could be seeing Sister Location

Idk! These are just my theories, I could be totally wrong, there could end up not being a film 2 at all! I just found it fun to word vomit. We'll have to wait a month or so for the film theory to see if I'm right at all. Anyways, let me know what you think! Give me your theories! Cuz afterall, thats just a tehory, a GAY theory (95% of this fandom is mentally ill and queer, including me) thanks for reading :DD

[bishiglomper]

You know dad called me the other day to check up on us. Whenever he calls I keep reminiscing about the trip to New York 😗 (Also every time I get a low glucose. Because I'm always like "at least its not as bad as that time..")

And the latest fixation is. When we got back to the hotel for the night he suggested I go out drinking. Alone.

In New York.

And I panicked for a second like. I am fuckin' autistic man, I'm super dependant- I cannot be trusted to wander a city like New York and not fuckin die 8D I also get lost super easily. Even trying to find the hotel room by myself is anxiety inducing. I am just not fit to be released into the wild, okay? That's why I dragged him there in the first place.

But I have yet to tell him about being autistic because he is the type of person (autistic) that does extensive research on any and all topics and cites all his sources. Even if its just suggesting a vitamin for me.

And my self-diagnosis comes from a few years of crowd-sourced experiences I've related to and referenced to form my own diagnosis. I don't know of any articles that could sum that up specifically enough to convince him without further debate over it.

And I am not very good at organizing my thoughts enough to have that conversation 😐

I dont mind explaining my chronic illnesses because those can be in itemized lists and practically graphed but autism cannot. 😅 How I feel and react to things are not so easily categorized.

It's just. So frustrating.

And one of the things I know that frustrates him is my lack of motivation to do things. It's bugged him my whole life

And i have determined I never had/have any ambition because i lack the dopamine. Even the things I LIKE arent enough to give me the juice i need to push it further.

Like with my crafts, I could try to do those sculptures he wanted, clay used to be a decade long hyperfixation. I could look up and learn all the techniques i need to learn to get it done. ....but also, I dont want to. I've been wanting to do some clay. But not enough for all that. And it's frustrating for all parties involved when that happens. I was born with literally 0 fortitude and a shitty constitution

And I know I'm a whiny pissbaby over it, I admit I was definitely spoiled. But alas, still don't have the fucks to give to change it.

I wish I were just gay, that would be easier to explain. 😂 I already told him I was asexual. Maybe didnt use the label, but explained.

Btw his only response was a sad look and the comment "But you should have someone to rub your butt. D: "

I mean. That was a new one, at least. 🤔

[haunted-dinosaur-lover]

2-6-24

ive denied system rumors for so long, maybe since like 6th grade when i like found what it was, and then refound it sometime in 10th grade, and im always like

hmm, interesting

we'll come back to this eventually,

and then i dont!

and its been fine but wvery time it does come back i go into a mild crisis about it, it always sends me into questioning my memory and trauma.

maybe trauma related? or like major stressor something like that, cause i only came back up when something else came back up after arizona.

----

but either im schizophrenic and just having delusions and paranoid thoughts, or i truly am experiencing symptoms of a dissociative disorder.

I have parts of my day that are just gone. I did them, i know i did them but I for damn sure didnt do it.

I "talk" to myself but like not to myself not just mental checks, full thoughts that are not my own.

I right now am thinking about it a little bit more bc of **** but its something thats been mildly haunting me for so long.

I think im faking this, but also the extent that I believe its happening and is like and active part of my life that im actively pushing down. Because like, these thoughts are my own but also theyre not, someone else is saying these thoughts and I have a completely separate brain to what this other person is saying to me.

i hear 3 possibly 4 in my head that are regulars.

Mara

Mars

Gaby

but details are a little blurry, i can tell you about me now;

im 19, bout to turn 20

love RKS, struggle with an ED. Mars. Hi this is mars. im trans??? He/him i guess. either way, im very gay.

---

I've been writing this post since yesterday around 10 am so at least i can fit in the other one,

-- lol no

Mara - 22 - corporate girly by day, raver by night. I like Hyper-pop EDM and stuff like that, i use she/they. im bi, mildly on the straighter side of things. Im the one thats been mostly hosting for at least the past year pre-december.

Mars is the more disordered part of my brain i guess, comes back and gets us through the trauma. well actually i dont know. as i was writing this i think no one is perfect. Mars is the one currently dealing with the ED but is not the one with the ED trauma, theres no recolection of what happened last time.

Gaby - Gibby, idk, its hard to talk about other people when theyre not here. I believe gaby is 16, bi, NB. introverted, on the shyer side. Not as socially set as others, i believe they have not changed since 3 amigos in 2020. scene indie 2020 emo kid.

Its weird. I cant tell you more about them as i am not there rn. Currently Mara is here, were listening to hyper-pop. I was able to eat lunch with my friend fairly guilt free until about the end but im okay now.

[topconfessions]

I'm a bisexual person, and I must say that I'm highly sure that top is either gay, or bisexual with an at least 80% lean towards men. In bigbang people tend to say this more about GD because of his androginous style, but in my opinion top has shown way more signs of being attracted to men. Considering he said before he doesn't like physical contact with people he's not close to, he shows an affection and intimacy towards men not in a "I'm a man and I feel more comfortable with other men" way, but in a "I'm interested in you and I think you're handsome" way. And I think these signs aren't exactly unintentional. He might be a private person, but I'm sure he would be open about his sexuality if South Korea wasn't so conservative. There's a interview where the guy asks him what kind of person he's attracted to, and his reply is about both men and women, with men coming first. I don't know the full interview or context, but I find it odd that he not only talked about BOTH men and women in a question about attraction, but he also didn't specify anything, like "I like this type of men in a friendship/business partnership/etc" knowing people might have other interpretations. Also, unless he has a strong need to affirm his masculinity (which I don't see it), I can't picture straigh men having a flower vase in form of a... I think you know it, lol.

Anyway, sorry for the long text. I just wanted to share this with someone and you seem to have similar thoughts.

I've been saying this forever. I too believe he is primarly into men like 80% leans to men. women he dates when men aren't working out or just for the sake of it unless he meets one that really attracts him. He doesnt like women at all to me deep down. I dont think he would be open about his sexuality if korea was like america unless his bf or older bf was very open and pushed for him to be open too. I think somewhere in his psyche he is very in deep with the push and pull of fans vs him. I always say there is a reason taeyang and many other idols were openly dating while he acts like his whole life would end if he ever even claimed anyone. Yep. These idols at least back then used to sprinkle in a LOT of honesty about who they really are with questions like that. He told us blatantly from that interview you're speaking of what he likes and he knew the interviewer meant romance not general speaking with people. I Know someone will come in here with a counter confession saying that isnt true but he has proven too many times over he's legitmately into men and really only men, just women as a causality which whatever makes him happy is okay. TOP knew what the interviewer was asking and thats him letting his real orientation slip through. all his answers and behavior towards women is just too complicated. You'd think he had trauma from a woman with the way he used to answer.

I remember an anon long ago agreeing with me on the fact we both suspected all the men he'd post up with on IG, nearly all (ALLEGEDLY) were men he has been involved with or hooked up with. I didnt know he had a penis flower vase. he's definitely gay then and This is just on him in general.

T.O.P the image and idol was very masculine at times and I think he hated it deep down, aside from the variety apperances where he got to be goofy and act like a child, where he is now as a person is where he truly wants to be in my perspective and opinion. I just notice he's not the suit and Tie polished guy anymore so that was an image.

[dietbeverage]

.

[navs-bhat]

Student Of The Year Rewatch Thoughts? Idk reallly know what this is yet lmao

I hope this reaches my target audience

Firstly, it's been too long since I've rewatched this I used to watch it whenever it came on tv and I'd find it while surfing

Secondly, I still enjoy this movie I think lmao

Let's see

-okay so to start with the kukkad song

-I never realised that the lyric says " ainu vekhe de munde to kehnde Oh My God" I always thought it was kudiye both times

-kinda gay tbh jk jk

-Abhi is in the wrong tbh like this guy is parking a bike in a car park and then is like who said this is an entitled rich boy's parking LIKE WHY ITS A CAR PARK NOT A BIKE PARK

I STILL DONT KNOW HOW I HADN'T REALISED IT TILL NOW

-then he goes and ruins a beautiful Ferrari😭

-one big question I have is how can Abhi even have thee audacity to get into physical fights with rich boy on what seems to be his first day

-this man is here on a scholarship he can't afford to do all this on his first day bro

-I always loved Siddharth Malhotra more than Varun Dhawan while there were many dying over varun

-I remember the whole thing was just as big as Team Edward or Team Jacob here okay

-Rohan is too mean too Jeet

-ALSO why was even Shanaya still with Rohan like according to her first few lines he definately has a habit of flirting with other girls while he calls her his girlfriend LIKE GIRL YOU COULD DO BETTER

-Rohan's dad and brother are too mean yikes

-no wonder rohan hates his dad the way he does

-why is the dean so weirdly gay its too funny but at the same time CRINGE

-it's sad to see Rishi Kapoor now :(

-all the parents are so weird

-THE WHOLE CONVO ABOUT PUSHUP BRA AND FLIRTY DMS BETWEEN TANYA AND HER MOTHER DBCBFUFBGUEFGHFOIUHKEFJBSJK

-SHE SUGGESTS SURGERY?????!?!?!?!?

-Sumo is so sweet actually

-Dean massaging the coach 😭😭😭

-DID BOMAN IRANI JUST SPANK RISHI KAPOOR IN THE FLASHBACK SCENE WHAT IS HAPPENINGCJNUDKBKJ

-hes so gay its gay

-BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING

-TOO BIG FAT MAN

-I KNOW YALL ARE RICH BUT WHO TAKES THE WHOLE SCHOOL LMAO

-kjo definately puts in gay-ish scenes for his own self idk pls don't come at me

-THEY'VE BEEN DATING FOR FOUR YEARS :0

-him throwing duffli lmao

-Alia looks so young in this

-this beach scene always cracks me up

-let me just say whoever thinks Alia Bhatt can't act should watch this movie and then watch her current stuff lmao

-classic guy gives other guy speach about a girl not knowing he loves her

-kjo🤝girl goes with one guy while her hand slips out of other guys hand

-I love the compition tbh its so fun I always wanted to play a big treasure hunt like they do

-the really? no kills me

-this rando girl in Abhi's team has no lines like none its too funny

-Galat ghanta lmao

-again Sudo is the best lmao

-WHERE AND HOW DOES DIMPY KEEP COMING TO SAY GALAT GHANTA LMAO

-DADI RULES LMAO

-in my opinion abhi and rohan together and shanaya single lmao

-baby face Alia is really affecting my brain lmao

HAPPY BIRTHSYA 😭

-caption "the love is like a ruby, the love is like a burning sensation, the love like purity, it's more than love, it's affectionate love, I'm in love with you, it's affectionate love' ??!?!?!?

WHO CAPTIONED THIS NETFLIX

-purest love in this movie dadi and abhi

-I find it so funny that anytime no one wants to choose between Abhi and Rohan they choose Jeet

-DISCO DEEWANE

-question- on what basis did they get eliminated in ths prom thing likeis it they can't dance or something?

-the triathlon just reminds me of jo jeeta woh sikandar

-these slowmo running shots i mean-

-kiss toh nahi karega na? me: do it do it

-everyone's way too invested in them making up

-anyway its over

THANKS FOR READING THIS IF YOU REACHED TILL HERE AND EVEN IF YOU DIDNT THANKS

[mogai-sunflowers]

Maybe im too meh about alot of things and this is kind of a vent

but i honestly hate that nowadays (mostly white) people wont reblog an important post about privilage in society or a post with links about a crisis cause the op dosent 100% align with someone elses opinions despite the fact that post has nothing to do with it. Like awhile back i saw a black person's post spreading around a bunch of super important links regarding the buffalo shooting and how to help the families just to see some white mogai individual refuse to mess with the post and yell at their other (white and poc) muturals for reblogging it cause op didnt specfically support emojipronouns. Like i understand that that makes them nbphobic and emoji pronouns are important but there is a bigger issue here that is very important. They refuse to support people unless they can slide themselves into their perfect image of a perfect progressive person which is why it takes so long for news to meet this community.

Im not saying you should never vet your sources and you should give notes to bigots but when it comes down to huge issues like racism, mysogny and communally-external lgbtphobia, wether or not that one person likes mspec lesbians, endogenic systems or neopronouns dosent really matter. Its about information reaching as many people as possible, the rest is infighting smaller issues that are very niche and dont matter in comparison. Im a poc, i use neopronouns, im an mspec lesbian and im a collective but im not gonna pretend someone whose only exclusionary view is not liking pnc gays/lesbians to a raging racist. Our community needs a bit of reality check concerning what is big issues and what is small issues and the mogai/liom communities are an echo chamber wether we like it or not. Internet discourse and national law are 2 very different problems and i see alot of abled white people conflating the 2 because they get all their news and live their lives on tumblr. I know because i used to do that, once tumblr wasnt my main app anymore, i learned alot more about the world around me.

I'm not saying you or anyone else is over-reacting btw, im just tired of seeing people comparing xenogenderphobes locking people out of nonbinary servers to anti-immigration laws and Trump's walls. There significantly more damage from one than the other and the comparison is always done by someone who only faces the lesser issue.

Ill just sign myself off as 🌿

i completely agree. i've seen this before too and it pisses me the fuck off, like I saw a Black person talking about fandom racism and how to support Black people in fandoms, and people were like "but they dont support bi lesbians" and it's like??? okay yeah that sucks but that's not relevant to the actual issue here and it's very disrespectful to ignore someone's input on their own oppression just because they have one opinion you don't like. like, just the other week, a bunch of white queer people started attacking a Native Two-Spirit trans guy who was talking about what's currently going on regarding the ICWA, and this person was reblogging the post saying not to listen to him because he asked not to be called queer because he thought it was a slur and im like. get out of your fucking ASS jesus fucking CHRIST. and im not like, saying that to try and distance myself from whiteness, i've caught myself having that kind of chronically online mindset before and had to evaluate myself. just agreeing with you anon, it's massively stupid the way people, especially in the mogai community, prioritize interneet discourse over things like structural racism and queerphobia. it's bullshit.

[ressyfaerie]

For the fandom ask: Beyblade ^^

OooOooOOohh I love these okay

1. Favourite female character

Well, theres not too many in beyblade LOL. But man do I love Ming. I'm pretty sure I had a crush on her when I was a kid before I realized i was *the gay*. Ever since the third pokemon movie I've been a big fan of the trope of girl is young and transforms into older version of herself to symbolize their desire to grow older and more mature. So I'm a big fan of her and her darker side.

Spoiler alert, I'm gonna include some of her in Tattoos soon!!

2. My favourite male character

If not everyone knows this I've failed. It is obviously our lord and saviour mr. Sourpuss himself. (Kai for anyone who missed the memo for the past 20 years)

3. My favourite season

It's always been a tough choice between one or g-rev. Season 1 is just such a cute perfect intro, but the Russian arc is just... fantastic it really is. Lots of people hate on the drawing style but I find it really unique and nostalgic! G rev deals with a lot of tough themes (specifically tala going after Boris and being hospitalized and the dangerous rivalry between brooklyn and kai, as well as tyson and kai discovering their weird connection to each other). The art style is a lot more polished and sparkly and slightly homoerotic so I'm a big fan.

I love both for completely opposite reasons so its tough to choose between them!

4. My favourite episode

Ooohhhhh tough so tough uuummmmm. Gimme a sec I'll shower and think about it.

So, upon further reflection, I've decided it's a hard decision between the episode in season 1 where Kai breaks into the abbey, or the episode in G-rev where kai gets tied up with rose thorns from the queer coded gay coach to teach him he can't run from his gay thoughts.

5. Favourite cast member

So like everyone thinks I'm gonna say tyson or ray or max or tala but HONESTLY

Kenny??? Like I LOVE HIM. Idk why hes like the one person i think I'd ever have a good relationship with in real life

Like Kenny is the badass of the team. Like without Kenny Tyson wouldn't have got through episode 1. Let's put it this way, the rest of the boys are just boys but kenny is THE MAN.

6. Favourite ship

Tyka.

Always and forever lmao

7. Character I’d die defending

Okay so like obviously Kai I'd light myself on fire to keep that man warm and actually everyone else who isnt an adult but MOSTLY

TALA.

Tala is the kid that's gone through the most trauma, let's get real here that kid deserves a hug, a found family, and some cocoa.

8. A character I just can’t sympathize with

Okay

Yes tysons dad is the worst honestly (even more so than voltaire if voltaire canonically put Kai in the abbey btw)

But also, and I am extremely set on this and it's why he is always the 'antagonist' to me.

HIRO

I understand that even if Hiro is canonically 18 (so hes still basically a child) he still came back into Tysons life as the adult figure and he pushes tyson the wrong way to get results.

Not ONE THING Hiro tried to teach Tyson actually stuck that wasn't accomplished through like … trauma?

He was the one person Tyson should have been able to truly rely on and I am a big believer that since he failed to do this, he was the biggest factor for Tyson's dark downfall in g rev.

Also, like if your brother needed comfort and help like why didnt you just… like...

Call your dad

?????

9. A character I grew to love

So yall prob already know this

But everyone got me into Bryan

Ugh I'm a big fan of the bisexual street badboys with religious trauma.

I especially love him in Tattoos.

I'm not sure how, since he says like 3 words in the series and everyone somehow manages to headcanon a similar version of him, the version I created for Tattoos is just fantastic.

Maybe he just fills the lack of older brother issues I have LOL

10. My anti OTP

So I ship nearly everything.

There’s not one immediate ship that comes to mind that I can say no absolutely not (except the obvious stuff)

I do find since we have such a wide range of characters and the fandom is so old we come across really traumatizing stuff occasionally. (Some fanart I saw of Tala and Boris a few years ago comes to mind oof ick yucky)

I used to be pretty anti RayxKai and KaixTala. But I think thats because back in the day KaixRay and tyka shippers used to be at each others throats. I was never involved much in the fandom in this time, but it was pretty extreme so I didn’t interact much. I also used to find they didn’t have much chemistry, but after being in the fandom longer I now see it and am more than willing to write fics for it when my askbox is open!

I used to be against KaixTala as well, from a psychological perspective (because I get way too into the psychology of childrens shows apparently????) I just found their personalities were both too negative and worried about them trauma bonding and never growing together. But I’ve read some stuff about them and (done some asks and ficlets for them) and I find the appeal now!

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

[charincharge]

Okay okay okay. Here's my thoughts on the Thea situation.

All we know about her thus far is that she was Manon's girlfriend, and that she had sex with lorcan WITHOUT telling him that she was not into guys.

The Lorcan you've created here doesnt seem like the type to force himself on a girl, y'know? I dont think he handles rejection in the most graceful fashion (by which I mean he will pout and mope about for the dramatics) but I feel like if someone gives him a solid no he would back down. And I keep thinking about the fact that he didnt know.

Now in my experience the biggestreason lesbians have sex with guys is homophobia. Usually internalized or from external (often religious) pressure from parents or amother close community. So what I'm thinking here is- Thea asked Lorcan, specifically, to have sex with her, maybe because they were friends or because he was always talking about sex so he oughta know a lot about it, who knows. And I think it was because she was having some serious issues with her identity. Like she was hoping it was a phase, or maybe she just didnt know she "wasn't actually" gay because she'd never been with a guy. And when whatever she was hoping for didnt work, her crises worsened, she freaked out, and left. I've honestly seen this kind of stuff happen before.

Now this would also explain something else: manon's reaction to elide not wanting to come out yet.

Obviously is Thea was having these issues, she most likely would not have been out to her parents (or whoever). So when Elide didnt want to either, Manon thought about what happened the last time, and the upset came from the obvious "I'm not going through this again" mentality. And that was probably just worsened by elide hanging out with Lorcan! Because now it's just like last time, and to make it worse, elide wasn't actually telling her that she was tutoring lorcan, so that fear was able to sit there and fester until the roleplaying party thing pushed things over the edge

Can I just say how much it means to me that this is SUCH a deep analysis of an extremely short conversation? Color me impressed.

[aroxfan]

Johnlock AU~short fanfic - in the locked room in The Final Problem just before Sherlock suggests to shoot himself

J: Sherlock...

He can't say more. He doesn't know what to say. It's too much for him.

S: In our situation, I think it's time to say the unsaid.

Silence. They're both starring at each other until John avoids Sherlock's look.

S: About you, I need to tell you...

John suddenly holds his breath.

J: Oh, you guessed it.

He doesn't understand.

S: I guessed what?

John is breathing again, sort of lost.

J: You didn't?

S: What are you talking about?

J: Nothing. What did you wanna say?

Sherlock has no idea of what's going on. He missed something for sure.

S: Tell me first. I'm not saying everything til you tell me.

No air again. He had to answer. He had to tell him. It could be the end, this room. It could be the end of everything. Of their friendship and their life. In other circumstances, it could have only been the end of the first thing.

J: Jesus, Sherlock...

Hands on his head, he would have rather died now. He avoided this confession during all these years, because for him it was useless. Useless or not, he could risk anything he wanted now. He has nothing to loose, except his life - but it would be because of what he was going to say. The detective was deeply starring at him, until John flinched.

J:*sigh* I... I love you.

Sherlock stayed frozen for a dozen of seconds. He too, probably, had stopped breathing.

S: You... love me?

J: That's what i just said.

It didn't make sense.

S: But you are...

John wanted to look at the floor, or the wall, or at Mycroft who was still standing like a statue in tve corner of the room. But he could only stare at Sherlock's face, in shock as he never saw him before.

J: Yes - he said because he hated this silence.

Sherlock had no words. He felt stupid, and crazy, and dead at the same time. His sentence needed an end. And then, the dumbest words came out of his mouth before he could think about it.

S: Not gay.

What. Was. That.

Dammit.

John almost laughed. His fault, maybe he pronounced these words too often. Maybe yes. Why the hell.

J: Right, i'm not. I've loved Mary, and I've been seeing other girls before.

S: And despite that you do... love...

Trying to avoid any second of silence, they ended the sentence at the time on the same note.

J: You.

S: Me.

John was feeling really, really weak and vulnerable. He hated that. It happened too much recently.

J: Can you stop repeating it please it makes me uncomfortable...

S: Uhm yes. Sure.

He didnt want to, but he disliked seeing John is distress like that. So he

S: I was... what I wanted to say first... let's go back.

J: Yeah.

Going back, it was the best thing to do.

S: So, I must say...

J: Yes.

S: Nothing similar than what you juste said about...

Sherlock was looking down, John closed his eyes. Please let's forget that.

J: Please.

S: Fine.

But Sherlock didn't plan to forget that.

S: I love you.

Another big silence, not the same than the first one. This time, there was nothing awkward, just a silence. A sweet, incomprehensible but logical silence.

J: You...

He couldn't fill this void with a bunch of "yeah" now. He just... kind of couldn't. Because he didnt even know what he was going to answer to.

J: I asked you to stop repeating why do you...

He didnt have the time to finish his sentence.

S: I know, I said it was okay. I'm not repeating anything.

John didn't make a sound for a moment.

J: So why...

He then, he thought about this quote. His quote. The once which said that, once you have eliminated the impossible whatever remains however improbable must be...

Must be...

The truth

And the very improbable truth left could only be...

J: wait.

When he stopped looking in the void, when everything finally stopped being all blurred and blinding, he saw his face. Sherlock's face. And on it, a new and absolutely delightful smile. Did he just think... delightful smile?

S: I'm just saying what I had to say.

J: Sherlock.

Suddenly his name sounded different. Pronouncing it, he felt a thrill. This thrill. As if nothing will never be as before.

S: John?

God it felt even stronger when he was pronouncing his own one. How could he look... serious after that.

J: I'm not kidding.

S: Neither am I. I'm the most serious I can be.

And he was. Except this growing proud smile on his face. Not one lile when he was solving a murder facing the murderer himself. One as if everything that was happening was out of his control. Like when he was high, but in a healthy. A little cliché, but he looked exactly like that.

J: Do you mean what you just told me? Do you really mean it? Don't you dare lie to me.

Sherlock quickly faked being offended, but he felt too released to play this role longer that two poor seconds. With his usual deep voice, he took despite that the time to answer as if the time wasn't running out for them in here.

S: I deeply mean it.

John couldn't ask for more. He already tried but it was a lost of time, and they already hadn't much.

J: You love me.

Sherlock smiled again, in wiser and purer way.

S: I do.

It was clear, and strangly easier to accept than expected now. In some way, he could believe that, if Sherlock Holmes could love someone once, it would be him. And Sherlock knew for sure that, if it had to be someone, anyone, it had to be John Watson.

J: I didn't... I didn't imagine you could.

Of course, none of them did.

S: Love you or any human in general?

J: Uh both.

Sherlock had a little laugh. He felt like he had something, a weight on his chest for years, perhaps since he was a child.

And in some words, here, now, with his John, it had disappeared. Him who had always disliked talking about "feelings", he felt like he owed him a lot.

S: I may have kinda liked some people in my life, very few, like Mrs Hudson or... or even Lestrade. He is a good guy. But none of them like with you, even from far.

John eye's were reflecting the deep happiness that was born in him.

S: With you, it's different. It has always been.

This fact wasn't a surprise. But knowing it, saying it, it makes it sound like something that meant a lot. And it meant a lot for them.

S: In some ways, I've always loved you since I met you. You make me feel different. I'd do anything for you, John.

All those years of running after serial killers, hunt by criminal, all of this side by side were coming back in their mind. This last confession sounded ridiculous now.

J: You already did.

Was it an impression or was Sherlock blushing?

S: Yeah well that's why I thought you wouldn't be surprised.

They both wanted to make the first step but they felt so clumsy, like new borns.

J: Well you were right since the beginning.

S: About what?

J: I'm an idiot.

Sherlock laughed. In this exact moment, it was just like seven years ago.

More how it should have happened seven years ago.

S: So am I.

And because nothing could stop them, because they had nothing to loose and only each other's love to win, they both walked to each other.

John put his hands on the colar of his shirt, and Sherlock put his on his cheeks. They moved softly with a blinding trust, until then moment when Sherlock he leaned down and their lips met. It was nothing clumsy, nothing embarrassing or weird.

It was natural, normal.

It was like it has always happened, in another life.

It was exactly what should have always happened.

[normal-thoughts-official]

My headcanon has always been that Alec figured out he was gay very early in life (I've ALWAYS been/I ALWAYS knew/I ALWAYS dreamed) which is... interesting bc visibility and representation must have been a huge issue when he was growing up. This sort of reinforces my interpretation that Alec has always been very in touch with his feelings and very honest about them (he only chose to hide/not act on them). Which is I think what Magnus figured about him from the very beginning ->

-> (it's rare to find a shadowhunter with such an open heart). Which is also funny and sort of on point bc Alec's siblings were widely mistaken about Alec's issues. It also explains why Alec doesn't have any major hang-ups about relationships or expressing his feelings, something a lot of viewers took an issue with (like why is Alec not emotionally stunted or things like that). That said, I keep thinking about Magnus and how he was exploring his sexuality. I mean imagine Magnus talking to his father. Magnus: I feel like I'm into both men and women 🤔 Asmodeus: Great! The amount of people you can seduce and murder has increased exponentially 👀 I mean, poor Magnus 💀

i feel bad for laughing at the asmodeus part but ur so correct hdbdudbdidndidndidndidn

and u know i agree with u 100% on the Alec stuff, this is a hill I'm willing to die on, Alec knew that he was gay since forever, he wasn't lying to himself, he just chose to keep it to himself. he made that very clear every time he talked about it too, i always KNEW i couldn't get what i wanted, I've ALWAYS dreamt, like you said. key words always, knew, and wanted. he was extremely aware throughout the whole process and i can't see it any other way. Alec is terrible at lying and that includes to himself, hes painfully logical and aware and hes been trained to pay attention to his own body/reactions/thoughts and approach them logically and dissecate them from the very beginning. theres no way he was oblivious to his own feelings, or else his lies in s1 wouldnt be so clearly bad.

Alec is, for better or for worse, painfully self aware and that's something i identify with, possibly the part of him i relate to the most. he's struggling because he know it's not safe to come out and he's decided that he wont, so he doesn't, to anyone. but he knows exactly how he feels and that that's his choice. then, when he meets Magnus, he's confused, not because he wasn't ready to face that he liked men (he knew that pretty damn well) but because he was questioning whether he really wanted to go through with his "closeted for eternity" plan. and there was the whole marriage thing. but he wasn't confused about what he wanted, not for a second. he was confused about what he was going to do, and how honest he could be to Magnus about it.

and like you said that's why their transition into a relationship goes relatively smoothly. if Alec were in denial, it would be a lot harder for him to go from that to the Alec we see later on, who is very emotionally available and open with Magnus, who loves him openly and unashamedly, who threatens Maryse to make her respect him and their relationship, who bursts into Magnus' house like "hello lets have sex". Alec can fit into a relationship with so much emotional honesty because he's always been emotionally honest. he just chose not to tell people about it because he was in a place where that wasnt safe

as for Magnus! I hc that his sexual discovery went like, relatively smoothly. I mean he was raised in a recently-colonized Indonesia, which. okay had europeans out there trying to ruin things, but was very open and accepting of both gender and sexuality, and didn't have a binary view of either. and asmodeus wouldnt care because like you can't tell me that demons and angels give a shit about gender, even if by some odd reason they did have a gender system that's exactly like the modern western european mundane one. so i think that growing up, Magnus didn't have a lot of issues with his sexual & gender identity. It wasnt like "figuring out" and "coming out", more like it slowly became clear and he was like "okay". not a lot of denial involved.

I've talked about this here (sexuality) and here (gender) and there i put more sources and everything so I'm... gonna leave that here rjdndjdnfk but i think Magnus' self discovery wasnt the problem, the problem was the shock of getting to England after the Asmodeus Yeet and seeing how different things were.

i mean, he was no stranger to queerphobia (he had a dutch stepfather after all) but when he was a kid, the dutch didnt really manage to colonize Java and interfere with their customs because the javanese empires were stronger, so they were mostly settling by going there to trade, same as always. so Magnus didn't really have to live in a time where people had to hide who they were

and then he comes back from Edom and it's like. you will literally be executed for this. what in the fuck. people meet in like secret underground clubs, terrified of making every mood. some dont even do that and suffer alone. no one thinks this is weird. people act like its always been this way. what the fuck

and hes struggling because after he banished asmodeus he thought he could finally be himself, you know? escape the need to like get his approval and the fear of angering him, get away from his gross, manipulative claws - you get it. he thought he could breathe and be out in the open and live his own life, but he can't, because so many parts of who he is - his culture, his origins, his gender, his sexuality, the color of his skin, his heritage, his powers - are being constantly repressed by the meat grinding machine of early capitalism and colonialism, and it's like, wow.

so Magnus never really lied to himself, either, but he did learn how to hide, and do it well. he doesn't have a lot of internalized queerphobia in the sense that he thinks it's bad that he's trans and bi, but one of the most prominent results of queerphobia in his life (aggravated by a thousand other things) is that hes gotten used to bottling things up and compartmentalizing himself and his identity. hes learnt to be what ppl expect him to be, and to show them only what hes safe to. its instinctive for him, to hide certain parts of himself, be it his immortality, his queerness, or his pain. and it's one of the reasons he struggles so much to be fully open and honest with Alec about how he feels. it's why it's so instinctive for him to stop everything and hide because his glamour went down. he knows that Alec knows about it, but he's used to hiding the parts of himself that people dont want to see

and that's without throwing Camille and her abuse into the mix (which i talked more about in the aforementioned links. like not to self promote but i am pretty proud of those asks so you know) and of course Asmodeus himself, and how they also taught magnus to hide his weaknesses, not be honest, "stop whining", cut off his own feelings and thoughts to please them. again i talked about this in the links. okay ill stop idndidn

in short, Magnus never really struggled to come to terms with his identity, but he learnt quickly that he isn't palatable, and he never will be - not to his mom (even if again i dont think she killed herself because of him, but Magnus believes it), not to his stepfather, not to his father, not to mundanes, not to the white european queer community, not to anyone. so he knows that, to survive, he needs to be able to bottle things up, and even if the people he loves work hard to convince him every day that this isnt the case (Catarina, Raphael, Ragnor, Dot, Alec) old habits die hard