#i didnt have time for art but apparently i did have time to ramble for nearly two hours lol

[pqrachel]

Oh heck it's past midnight and I didn't do today's OC-tober. I don't have time for an art so let's do some writing. The prompt is "Future" so there's a bunch I could figure out. My Blanksford story spans a lot of years and I don't have any concrete plans for the future of the timeline even though it's technically important for the overarching story.

Well let give this a go...

It's late and I'm gonna ramble so it's probably gonna be pretty long and depending on if I keep any of it would be heavily spoiler-filled so under the cut it goes.

So with a timeline this long I've been thinking for a while that I need to kill one of my main characters at some point. Like technically I don't have to, I've already had them give up their powers so they aren't an immediate threat to the limit of 6 supers, but I do kind of want to. I just don't really know how. Cuz the last time I killed a major character in a story (I won't spoil who, but it was in my Colostle story) I kinda lost all motivation for the story and I couldn't go back on it cuz of the formatting. But this time I can think about it and if I don't like it than I can try again in a different way.

So my first idea a while back was to have Artemis go overboard and accidentally kill a super. Since she doesn't resort to killing despite her role as one of the most dangerous villains it'd be an interesting turn for her. But now with what I've set up with her and Taylor it seems less likely, though still technically possible. But it'd probably only worth it if she kills Taylor, which would be a shame since I like him so freaking much as a character so I probably won't do this.

I could also have Gabby regret giving up their powers, maybe go the vigilante route. Help out Mercury's new Super Wing fight the Y13 & Y14 villains. ...Which does actually make a lot of sense (and would probably motivate me to write some Phase 3 plot points / stories too).

Okay yeah I'll have that be a good starting point. Take the really old idea of Twin & Distress and make it less about Twin being the villain and more about Distress betraying Twin for whoever I make the Y14 villain be. Then Distress and that villain end up kinda strong, so Mercury and Splash can't handle it themselves. They turn to Gabby for help off of Gordon Wheeler's recc. Gabby has another crisis about their powers (or lack thereof this time) and gets pulled back into the drama. And then either Distress or the Y14 villain kills Gabby after they got in the way. And this overstep would definitely bring Artemis and Blank into the drama too, and I'd get a good old-fashion classic superhero war. And all those fight scenes I've been avoiding would get to happen pretty much all at once. And maybe that war takes long enough that the Y15 super emerges and creates even more for everyone to deal with.

Aeri and Gabby's sister Katie would be fucking heartbroken over Gabby's death of course. They both live together at this point and the person who connected them is gone. They'd probably stay together for a while but I imagine Aeri would quickly get overwhelmed without Gabby and leave in some way; whether that's trying to get revenge, or straight up running from D-City, or something else entirely. So Katie would turn to Madi and Taylor, and they're all friends at this point so it'd probably work out. (Assuming I don't mess with the friendship dynamics by this point with what I'm also working on with Taylor and Artemis' storylines, who knows.)

But if I was going to kill off Gabby I'd want to get some good stories in for her send off, so the Y14 villain would probably end up being the fear-based villain that I've been thinking about. For that villain's inspiration don't think Scarecrow (Batman) but more of a villainous reverse Alex Chen (Life is Strange). Although I'm not too studied on scarecrow maybe that's more his vibe than I think. But anyways I'd get to do some AU stuff that takes place in character's heads and Gabby would see some dark timelines and stuff like that.

ACTUALLY... now that I think about it Distress is kind of a weak villain (I haven't even drawn her yet despite having thought of her like 5 years ago), so maybe I skip Distress altogether let the fear villain be the Y13 super. Hell Distress works as a name for a fear villain too, so I could just rewrite my plans for Distress / Twin and I'd get to keep the few things I liked about Distress and make that work out. Cuz ditching Drake really worked out for the story maybe this could work out too.

Okay yeah that works really well! Guess it turns out that forcing yourself to think about the future of your story for an hour and a half really helps you figure out the future of your story. Weird probably could've tried that before at some point.

...now to go to sleep and let a less tired Rachel wake up tomorrow and deal with this long ramble and turn it into actual actionable story beats. Good luck <3

[neoluca]

My year in review!! I tried to do a lot of different things this year, and I feel like I drew a lot more than in previous years 💛 I hope you'll all stay tuned for next year as well :3

Template made by HaruRyomaru86 on deviantart: (x)

id also like to invite @loupgawou @pinksthetics @staryanna @skunkes @aishashopkeeper @synthaphone @illegaltruffle @boredchanty to do the same if you haven't already!! id really love to see everything you've all done as well 🥰 (and if you have done one already link me to it please!!!)

[kaleidosouls]

SU reclaimed pearl rambles

im gonna use some annoying comments i got on my reclaimed pearl as a springboard for what i think could be interesting discussion because i think its good to engage with criticism/different opinions. but also if you talk to me like an asshole i want you to fuck off and i promised i wouldnt engage in that kind of stuff bc its not good for me and it doesnt Look good for me either.

so i can talk about my thoughts but not engage directly, win win. its been months but im still really fond of the pearl i made specially this art. like it coudl be better but i like it well enough. just a little header so this isnt a boring post with only text

i think like, its good to establish ground rules that like, i think most of the poor reactions ive seen towards my art were missing, mostly in bad faith probably but in case theres ppl who earnestly want to understand. actually maybe i can format it like a little FAQ even though theyre not frequent or asked lskdjg just for outlining my points. ill put it behind a cut but ill frontline w this: if youre a fan of pearl in the show, this content is not for you. youre allowed to like whatever you want and so am i. if you like her, we probably wont get along and you probably will feel very personally irritated by how i FEEL about her, so just walk away now. im not gonna engage with petty shit taht juts boils down to 'im mad you dont like what i like'

onwards to more rambling / sorta responding to some criticism

i scrolled back and i guess i sorta never have actually done a proper full explanation post about this AU have i? or maybe i have and deleted it, i forgor

why did you change pearl?

because i hate her, simple as. i went from a huge SU fan to hating watching it (i did finish) and pearl is probably The biggest reason why, as like issues with her character seep into other aspects of the show that i also hate. like i mean i Realyl hate her. she makes the experience of watching the show really irritating and miserable for me. if you dont feel taht way about her thats totally normal and whatever but no one is gonna change my experience and feelings that i had watching SU since the 1st season was coming out.; anyway answering. there is a Lot i love about SU and want to engage with, so i had the idea of like,maybe ill just change pearl, cause i wanted to delete her, really, but she is one of the main characters and she hasa function as a character that you cant just do away with. essentially im just like, some guy, who draws, coping and trying to reclaim his teenage investimetn in this show. literally its just for ME. but if anyone else feels like i do, then they can enjoy it too. if somoene doesnt feel like i do, go watch like pearl fancams or smth. like ill never be able to literlaly change the show as it is, like its happened, and its a tragedy im trying to move on from (begrudgingly)

why do you hate pearl?

the long laundry list of reasons are probably apparent in the ways i remade her lol (theyre not i can tell ppl are gonna project whatever worst bad faith reason for any change i make) but tbh the core of it is this, which is like, beyond whatever traits she has and whatever: she reminds me of my abusers. always had, from season 1, but like it became worse as the series went on. its like really infurating and upsetting to watch SU bc of her. had my abusers been a different kind of person, maybe i wouldnt hate her so much (kinda doubt tbh). like her personality and behavior are like hough disgosting!!

why did you change (some physical trait about her design)?

i dont really necessarily have a PROBLEM with canon pearls design. over the years ive come to like SU's style less and less but like, gestures, whatever. like i didnt like it or anything but its not like a bit deal compared to the actual offender that is her personality and behavior. the reason i redesigned her at all is bc like, if i hadnt, i would still be thinking about the way she is in canon all the time. like ive visually associated her like, appearance with all the shit about her thta makes me upset so i had to so she didnt look like the same person anymore, and i can try to let go of some of the hatred in my heart. like i want to think about the thigns about SU that i loved and also the potential i always saw in it and canon pearl is like, an active obstacle to that, to the point taht i cant even see her without getting like irked. i tried to keep enough similar traits so from a glance youd be like, who the fuck- is that pearl? rather than like. completely change her entirely to whatever i wanted. i do want to like, its a creative exercise. i want to try and change the things that would make me happy to see gone but try to work within the constraints of the SU we Did get as much as i can tolerate. bc like.... if the sky was the limit then at this poin wed just have to throw the whole thing away and start from scratch. like its kinda not really very salvageable, like im not rewirting SU to be like a Good show or fix Everything, its kinda too broken. im just chnaging enough so i can look at the actual show, screenshots, songs etc, and not feel overcome wtih like the grief and irriatation of how much it sucked ass. its just so i can enjoy more of it again

i dont like your redesign for (insert reason)

cool. thanks for your input. youre welcome! eat my asshole. seriously though, like, shrugs. i didnt make it for anyone other than myself. tbh im not fully satisfied with it either bc i think the SU style is kinda ugly, so im at a crossroads. should i mostly abandon the SU style? ive like, tested out tweaking things, it mightve been noticeable in screenshot redraws. drawing within the SU style is to create that coping 'oh it was totally like this haha' vibe but maybe im old enough to not need that anymore lol. like ive heard ppl say shit like shes ugly, or like sneakily trying to imply im like, got some agenda over beauty or racism etc. like whatever, think whatever you want, its not for you. go back to sucking up to rebecca or smth like i cant take the og pearl away from you still i am open for like that kind of criticism like, do i have personal biases affecting my design decisions? probably. i do try to keep aware of why im choosing certain things, but really in this case i cant emphasize enough how like, irritating it is that i have to change her design at all. like its hard to come up w smth else when the rest of the cast ahs already been design to balance off the og pearl. i probably wouldnt change almost anything if the sight of her didnt piss me the fuck off! most of all i kinda wouldve preferred to keep her hair short bc it messes up the sillouete but it makes me think too much of canon pearl so i made it long :/ i was like let me tell you my design thought process: -im gonna try to keep as many recognizable traits about her design while taking away bit by bit until she doesnt look like the og pearl to me anymore and i dont feel angry seeing her. pearl is lanky, tall, spindly, with a gem on the forehead, blue white pink yellow pastel colors, large pointed nose. i kinda tried to keep these traits while slightly tweaking their design until she looked different enough. is it a good design? eh idk. like the purpose is to make me not hate her and it does that job

now this hate comment im gonna grace with keeping it intact except removing the person bc its not about them. its like, a very stupid ass headed comment but im actually kind of interested in like,jumping off of it to ponder some things

im not heterosexual or cis enough to know what exactly wife bate means in this context so im gonna like guess, that maybe i could extract this q from that reply (also not looking like shes from steven universe is a compliment thanks)

you took away her personality and made her boring

the only thing i can assume is that like, some people must interpret the absence of an assholey personality or like abusive behavior is 'boring'. i know thats a really bad faith assumption but like, if ive written down a bunch of personality traits and you still come out saying thats 'no personality' what am i to make of that lol. based on my experience like Existing online, people tend to often call nice characters 'boring', like dude ive done it before, but i think im kinda over that edgy phase. also again, its for me and not for you so if you think shes boring, thanks for your input i dont care. but thinkign about it earnestly, i dfeintely dont want to make a character thats just no flaw and not interesting ofc, i havent done that with reclaimed pearl. that being said i havent like, probably written a lot demonstrating what i want her to be like instead of the canon pearl so, maybe ppl just are feeling lost with the lack of information.

personally, if i hear someone thinks a character is boring bc theyre not abusive anymore like, nothing of value has been lost. but characters do need flaws in order to create conflict and cause things to happen, like in a way canon pearl is like All flaw, which wouldnt be a problem except she gets away wtih all the horrible shit she did. heres some traits i want to explore with reclaimed pearl, some are similar to canon i just wanna go about it a different way: being overprotective/possessive to steven in a smothering way, projecting abandonment issues, not reaching out/communicating her emotions properly, lacking indepedence/self worth, depending on others to avoid confronting her own issues, being very passive and insecure and lacking initiative (this being the totally opposite trait that canon pearl has), stunting stevens development due to her not being ready for him to grow up and not need her anymore. and more, this is just from the top of my head. maybe thats still too 'boring' for ppl because shes not being selfish and inconsiderate enough to others so you can relate to her but i dont care :p

gosh how do i go about like, presenting the content i ahve in my head for this AU).. i cantjust remake the whole damn show. i would if i could, tbh

i have concerns about racist implications wrt (insert thing here about my redesign)

imma be frank. i dont know how to compltely 'clean up' any possible bad associations wrt pearl as a character given how like, rebecca has literally like, made her to be a slave in love with her slave owner and made it to be like, an uwu ideal lesbiab thing for most of the show until they tried to pretend no we understood the flaws in this dynamic all along and its bad actually , uhh, anyway shows over haha

ill say the main reason i changed her skintone is, bc that would be the like most instant way to make her look differnt from canon (which is vital for me for the reasons said above), and i did consider like, does this make the whole thing worse, or, ?? like, as they made it in the show, techincally All the gems are slaves to the diamonds, arent they? including all the very totally progressive poc based gems including and specially the ones who are made to be understood as black women. bruh like idk what to tell you this show is just fuckig bad sdlgkj like its just way too like, pervasive in my teen years forme to throw the baby w the bathwater entirely. and ill just straight up say it, like, im not a specialist on these topics nor do i hav ea position of authority to speak on about it. like the pearls read more clearly as slaves (very intentionally by the showrunners) bc they are meant to be subservient to gems Other than diamonds. and also bc they like fit in the stereotype of housemaid servant. like the rubies being made to just be forced to go and fight like they are slaves too, they have no rights and no like, authority to disobey or autonomy. but fsr like, slavery as in physical labor just doesnt immeidately set off ppls alarms as much as housework slavery does fsr.

i can only rly like change the canon so much and try to like, tweak things so it doesn feel as gross but i think for it to be cmpletely not insneistive at all youd have to throw away the whole show. and like i said, this isnt like me saying like im making the show good or as it shouldve been, im making it so I (and ppl who share my feelings about the show) can feel less shitty just thinking back to it. its just an exercise. im not like mass media im just one independent artist and shit will come out insensitve sometimes and im sorry but im also like, my art isnt meant to be representative and like, responsiuble for fixing all of society and racism like i actually cant do that. ill just do the best i can as an asian dude but like, if my work makes you upset, im sorry, but also just block me. like i cant please everyone. or like, even better, make YOUR take on pearl taht you feel would be better, like make the art you feel should exist.

this post is too damn long and id be surprised if anyone reads all of it but if you do, tahnk you! i felt kinda like ready to fight tonight so im triyng to redirect it from aggression to like, thinking. i cant guarantee im making new content for su reclaimed anytime soon but i would really like to, tbh

[squid-ink-symphony]

hey i saw a post where you were talking about ships.. Uh.

callie x agent 3.

discuss.

please..

we need all the exposure we can get there are 5 of us.

we are very lonely.

NO BUT LIKE I LOVE THIS SHIP

ALONG WITH 4 X MARIE

LIKE IVE SEEN CALLIE AND AGENT 3 ART BEFORE AND ITS LITERALLY SO GOOD

i didnt wanna mention idol x agent ships in my post cuz sometimes ppl get all defensive about it like "erm well actually the agent is canonically a child and-" shut up. shut. up. they are whatever age you want them to be. they are literally a self insert for the player. plenty of ppl have agent ocs who are adults. it just varies from person to person and their headcanons.

but then i got an ask (that i already deleted) accusing me of being a proshipper bcuz apparently 3 x neo 3 is problematic bcuz its "power imbalance?" and like.. ig yeah that could be an issue irl w ur boss taking advantage of u. but like..... thats.... clearly not what im talking about???

so may as well discuss idol x agent ships as well lol

3 x callie is like. top tier. its so good. like you just know 3 and callie would goof around together. especially the splat 1 version of 3??? like their dynamic would be top tier. and i just know 3 would whisper stuff to callie and they would giggle about it and refuse to tell anyone else what they are laughing about. and i am always a rarepair enjoyer. like. its so good. (i ship callie x marina x pearl so you know im masochistic when it comes to my ships)

AND 4 X MARIE??? i know this one is a bit more well known but i love it. i dont know if i would ship my main agent 4 with my main interpretation of marie, but like another version of them? yes. it works so well. marie is literally in love w 4.

BUT OK ANOTHER RAREPAIR: 4 x callie. i know everyone loves 3 x 8 cuz blah blah 8 beat up mind controlled 3. but ??? 4 beat up mind controlled callie and we got NOTHING from the fandom. im mostly a 4 x 8 shipper at heart but this is another one i rlly like. i just know 4 would try to show off by picking smth heavy up or doing some cool trick only to fail miserably. and callie would be able to do it first try.

and i have even more opinions on different idol ships and combos but uhh thats for another day when someone wants to listen to my ramblings lol

anyway in conclusion i love rarepairs and pretty much every splat ship so yeah feel free to talk to me about them any time. i love figuring out character dynamics and all that. also everyone has such good designs everyone looks good together. also just like. non romantic pairs as well. like ppl who have sibling dynamics. ppl who are clearly in a qpr. ppl who are besties. apprentice and mentor dynamics. i just think every splat character is so interesting on their own that pretty much every combination is top tier. and like. things dont have to mutually exclusive when it comes to relationships. im a multipshipper.

and i think the same goes for other dynamics. like in my mind one version of neo 3 and 3, 3 sees neo like a younger sibling and spoils them and doent want what happened to 3 to happen to neo. in another version 3 sees neo like a younger version of them and tries to toughen them up and neo sees it as unfair and there is angst while 3 has to confront everything they went thru and if it was even fair for them to have gone thru it. cuz in their mind ofc its ok to do this to neo, its what 3 did to become the way they are. in another version they are just besties. in another version they are dating. in another version they have a competitive love/hate relationship and argue a lot about whos better.

LIKE THINGS DONT HAVE TO JUST BE ONE WAY!! i like exploring different stuff and seeing everyones takes on them!!!!!

so yeah come talk to me about splat characters im very normal i swear :)))

[hissi-oil]

mix of work and medical woes has stolen away a week of my time.......... but slowly settling into the weekend and doing both ART and NEOPETS !!!!! traded a pet, and acquired one named "grr" grr.... grr..... what am I even going to turn you into, such an impulse trade because i often just type grrrr after stuff HAHA

ooh now i want to continue to ramble on NAME origins more too, while looking through my accounts..... main, aka the mishmosh the crossroads...: the messiest and most disorganized of my accounts..

102nd: my battledome dari eyrie.... i saw this pet briefly up for trade a couple months before the NCUC release, and I was so transfixed with him for some reason!? in combination with the UC dari eyrie art, it feels so Tiny in the frame. just, an interesting name to me I guess... i guess the fact it felt like, not a name. 102nd of what? I traded a year 1 pet for an UC royalboy acara, which i traded for a high battledome stat UC dari draik... i offered her on 102nd, whose owner initially said no, but then they followed up and said they changed their mind because they were charmed by fact I was so interested in this pet LOL. trade went through, on my birthday!? since then, i've gotten a handful of neomails from people who've either had their eyes on him or previously owned him in the past offering on him, goodness gracious 4kiru: Not the nicest looking name i suppose, nor how I would be compelled to choose a name these a days...... but I choose to read it as Akiru....! I apparently created and painted this pet myself, but completely failed to develop him more... but, an existing oc as a neopet .... sorry, aki!!! perhaps I'll shop around for more name ideas for you!?? asdfghjhh: "asd" my first battledome pet!!! my little pink eyrie!! years back, apparently 2011, I joined in on a pound surf board, and she kept showing up.... apparently she really charmed me and I was obsessed with her for a bit, and drew her a ton and she got a ton of giftart as well, was considered a psuedo-mascot of the pound boards for a little bit....! i trained up her stats, and a comic featuring her got into the neopian times. she was my first pet to ever get boochi'd, and I started to save up for a pink paint brush to repaint her before discovering pink eyrie morphing potions were only 300k at the time.... ! really unsure if her keyboard smash name would be something to charm me over these days, but she is so ingrained in my neo history ! i feel i never really fully developed a serious character for her beyond "wingless pink eyrie that likes snow" grr: You are brand new.... what will you be !? I suppose, this account does have more than one pet who, are kind of 'nameless', i feel compelled to make you a girl.... what species....! maybe the lab ray will help me in the meantime as i ponder ? Guevota: back during my UC trading adventures, i was on such a hunt for an UC plushie jetsam....!! i really, really....really. i'm not much of a fan of the converted jetsam art, but the basic pre-conversion base pose is So cute to me? and plushie jetsam is the only one of the UC jetsams at the time that preserved it (robot kinda did too, but didnt have the eyes) not a very popular pet though, so took a While, to even See any to offer on !!! so not a matter where I could be picky or choosy on name, but I like it! I usually call her Gue "gweh" "gweh - vo - ta"

mimo154: another from my, UC trading adventures ... ! I know i technically 'downtraded' for her according to the UC trading tiers, but I did not care.... i thought she was so cute, and really liked 'mimo', especially lowercase... something charming about 154, for some reason.... which is funny, because me of the past wouldnt be caught dead with a name with numbers... and it's funny now, that NCUCs are out. but thats okay.... mimo154 ! toxin: also from my uc trading adventures !! i already knew I wanted to create this tyrannian kougra, but was at such a loss for names... was both checking various untaken names, trying to make boards seeking "Pets born on leap year", & also just seeing names up for trade.. i had traded an UC for a 3L baby blumaroo, and toxin was offered on this blumaroo... i mulled it over for a bit, like ... ah...!! toxin.... so weird to have a, word?? as a neopet name?? would i retrade it? ah, it could work for the kougie, he'd be so intrigued and impressed by the defensive qualities of plants and thematic to his own barbed personality, hm... ended up, accepting ! it's fun, having him as my active, since my username starts with a t as well, or double lowercase t's.... Ysae: a lucky pound find back in, 20..10?? around the same time I acquired Janra! I had (still have!) an important oc that's name starts with Ys-, so I was very "oh!" seeing this name. Neopets wise, this pet was originally an... actually I don't know.. but, ended up as an alien aisha at one point? I have.. alien aisha clothes scattered across multiple accounts....! When I returned to neo recently, I realized the name would be good for my Ys- oc, in neopets form. I was on the fence between cybunny or acara.... decided, acara....

[patchdotexe]

OKAY. UM. so it's been Literally Like A Year Or Two since i last talked about Rescue in any detail (?!) so you guys get some unhinged rambling about furries

...UNDER THE CUT, BECAUSE THIS GOT LONG.

Sol, he/him: woke up one day in a weird abandoned lab with no idea how he got there or literally anything at all. and then found out that thanks to Dubious Science he is now unable to be killed. which is very cool except for the "i dont know where i am, apparently i've been missing for HALF A YEAR, and also now my blood is BLUE????" thing. originally stressed, sarcastic, and distrustful, but once he's in a safer environment he turns out to be warm-hearted if awkward and has trouble expressing his feelings. technically undead. Rescue's set in 2017ish so he's, like. 20. likes spicy food, space, and Sonic; dislikes bright red, jello, and sticky things.

Zyd, she/her: fellow lab experiment with a lot of knowledge on the projects the lab was undertaking before being abruptly abandoned. fills Sol in on the whole "yeah you can't be killed anymore, have fun with that" thing, has a more extreme form of it where she literally can't feel pain but regenerates super quickly. comes off as very self-confident and driven, but is actually exhausted and wants to go back to a normal life as much as Sol does. this rabbit has trauma. likes horror movies, loud music she can yell along to, and citrus; dislikes being touched (with exceptions), harsh noise, and shirts.

Tank, she/they/he: literally just kinda Shows Up, does terribly at getting in Sol's good books, and is just kinda running around Causing Problems on accident. initial impression of being airheaded and naive, but that starts to crack eventually bc it turns out they're an anxious mess with a super low opinion of herself. oops! also they broke in but are very avoidant on Why. manages to blunder her way into becoming good friends with Sol afterwards. likes rhythm games (bonds with Sol over them), speedcore, and shrimp; dislikes getting talked over, romcoms, and needles.

Monty, he/him: third member of the Lab Experiment Gang, although Sol doesn't get to meet him for a while due to Tank knocking things off course. chronically ill and willingly volunteered hoping it'd help, became friends with Zyd, and then things went Terribly Wrong. nonverbal. prefers communicating through text (they confiscated his phone). was a theater kid. i BARELY talk about him and he didnt pass the sexy lamp test for an uncomfortable amount of time despite his friendship with Zyd being incredibly important. likes gardening, Portal, and trashy YA fantasy; dislikes bananas.

CY, they/them: WHERE. IS MY ART OF THEM. DID I SERIOUSLY NOT SAVE RECENT STUFF INTO THE RESCUE FOLDER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA okay uh. CY is a hostile AI and the reason why the lab got abandoned - everything's in lockdown until they can figure out how to neutralize them, which is difficult when they've basically evolved into a virus that's taken over the lab's network and is trying to break through to the outside world. there is a lot more to them but they're kind of a mess. could probably be a notITG SRT villain.

Griffin, he/him: android assistant that is completely unaware the lab is abandoned because, like. the experiments patients are still there! somebody's gotta look after them! was very much not programmed to handle any of this and so is constantly frazzled and would like everyone to stop trying to break out, please. would also like everyone to stop trying to break IN, PLEASE, YES THAT MEANS YOU TANK. Zyd is very friendly with him, Sol has no idea what to make of him, CY fucking hates him. he's a... cat... dragon.. robot... thing..?

Seb: they/them, was named Sandblast until literally 5 minutes ago (originally was a Soundscapes character so theyre named after a song but got ported into Rescue years ago and i. never changed their name). trying very, Very hard to balance Griffin out, not really succeeding. has a lot of guilt about basically everything and is just trying to keep everything running smoothly. quiet and nervous. Wow I Wonder Which Leo Designed This Guy (it was pat)

there's also at least 3 more guys but one of them doesn't have proper art yet (Aloe, "sibling" to Seb and just kinda vibing her way through the whole situation), one of them barely has info at all and might be a backstory character, and the third one needs a huge overhaul. i swear to god ill do proper work on anybody that isn't the main trio (sol/zyd/tank) and CY someday

[goremet-chef]

ramble (not really a vent? im not that upset about it, just system talk)

giving up control is so... scary? and its hard. because i know theyre trying to help but then the part of me that doubts i even have a system at all comes in like 🗣🗣📢‼ switching with someone who isnt as horribly sad as you means yr faking and yr not grieving artemis like how she is worth!! scum

like. OKAY... i know its not true but shit bro it still feels that way. its kinda weird, i ended up being a mixed part (theres ANPs (apparently normal part) and EPs (emotional part). ANP is like.. what the host IDEALLY would be and i did used to be an ANP but when an ANP ends up holding onto trauma, then yr a mixed part)

so in a perfect world, someone else would bear this pain for me (bob helped with that last time, but i didnt wanna bother them again) and id be at least functional. but i bear my own pain, making it really hard for my system to function because the one whos fronting the most is incapacitated with issues, sorry gang

i know its my fault on some level because i cling on to that pain like a lifeline. my therapist told me a long time ago, that ive been sad for so long that ive grown comforted by the feeling, and. YEAH, thats still true. its like second nature, that whole "oh i dont know who id be if i wasnt sad" type shit

BUMMER, but whatever. im not so bothered by it. but i recognize that yeah, im holding us back. i know i am. if jonas was our host we honestly might have a job by now, or at least wouldve started looking. if elliott was our host, our room wouldnt get so horrible, etc

but cuz im so insistent on feeling everything i can feel, i hardly leave front, and if i do its not for long. im almost obsessed with the misery i feel, cuz its like. its what i know, yknow? my own character is defined by anger and red and blood and WHATEVER, it feels like who i am yknow?

and its SCARY. its scary even if i just LISTEN to them. go at it with a can-do attitude? okay.. even if i looked on the bright side, even if i was happy to create art and started working with some good music, etc, like.. it SOUNDS good but. i cant just forget all my problems. i know they want me to, but its. hard. its so hard man im not done DEALING with them. i dont want them to feel that pain instead. we're stuck in a weird loop where like.. their job is to take the burden of trauma away or soothe me, but my job is to prevent them from getting trauma YOU FEEL ME? its so. INCONVENIENT guys we are not winning 💀

[27-royal-teas]

Ok i know that probably like, none of you listen to arrows in action but they just released their debut LP today so i decided to ramble about them a bit because they deserve it and if no ones gonna create fan content for them i will.

First of all theyre a florida formed pop punk band (in my opinion, it floats more to alternative/pop) and now apparently they are located in tennessee. There are four guys- victor viramontes,  the singer, jesse frimmel, the drummer, and matthew fowler, the guitarist. 

Im gonna talk about the song that got me into them. It’s called All The Ways I Could Die. during science class i mostly just listen to music because my teacher never gives us any useful information and that was the song that came up in my queue. obviously you dont care about this information but i feel as though it needed to be shared. Anyway, the song’s chorus goes like ‘i just can’t wait to go sit in my room/contemplate all the ways i could die/ self sabotage is an old friend of mine/ and self care just inst worth the time’. 

Pretty depressing, right? But the whole thing is that music, it’s a form of connection, and the thing about arrows in action songs is that they feel so personal. Like, they feel like something you can shout in the rain and out the back of a car, scream at the top of your lungs and feel every word, spin-in-the-summer, fall in the grass. Also, im not sure who’s the songwriter (80% sure that it’s victor) (it is, i just checked) but the lyrics are REALLY FUCKING GOOD. like, maybe not pete wentz good, but nobody’s pete wentz, and they are REALLY GOOD for their first LP. since i started listening to them, I havent found a single song i dislike. Like, they really are so good. 

AND!!! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEIR HOOKS!!! One thing thats very consistent in their music is the sound and also the hooks. Theyve got this clear, clean sound, and im honestly very surprised that they havent been signed to a label by now since they have such consistently good music (and since they’ve been making music since 2017). And every single hook is good. listen to ‘Entropy’ off the new album. It is CRUNCHY. It is CLEAN. Its what i call tasty, like running your tongue on the flat metal of a refrigerated kitchen knife (not that id ever do that, of course). Like, it feels sharp and cold but slightly jagged. i could talk about it for hours. Also the high note in Put You Through Me literally makes me ascend. 

Also, audience engagement. If you look through the comment sections of their music videos, most of the comments have been liked by the band. Ive sent them art i did for The Credits and Head In The Clouds and Checking in and they’ve replied. They communicate with their audience which really does hammer in the connection aspect- connection with the audience, connection with their art, connection with the music. also theyre just really nice dudes in general like. yeah theyre just cool

Another thing i think is kind of interesting is that their producer is dan swank! I fucking love dan swank! he worked with all time low (one of my favorites) for a really long time, and ive seen him on some of their acoustic music videos from 2021 (hes the guy playing piano and doing backup vocals with alex). Hes good!!! I didnt realize that he produced music, so this was a really cool thing to find out. Worlds collide

So, yeah. Arrows in action, man. They’re great, and you should check them out. They’re like all time low but toned down, but it wouldn’t work to compare them to another band because they’re this new, beautiful thing, and they are so good, and i am going to stop talking about them now. Anyway yes go listen immediately and STREAM BUILT TO LAST 

[ethernetmeep]

nevermind what was i saying??? today was a blast when it came to the exhibit. all the fears which i thought would occur didn’t actually come true. i was weirdly remembered even when i was absent, telling from how my friend cried for me to come sit with her. she knows better than to do this. i think she wanted to fuck with me and see me in agony. proceeded to make some odd comparison to the last supper in the hallway and she hit me with a quote i can’t repeat as its rather telling, but helped a lot. i still believe she does certain things to purposely put me in pain, i think

speaking of… boy told me his immense like of a work. i pointed it out to him after he showed me his sketchbook, actually. i knew he’d enjoy it. i told him a very vague synopsis of my recent life to help comfort him and the anxiety he was having of being in a crowded room— comfort in shared anxiety and fear, i mean.

he was afraid to go back in once we had walked out temporarily. i told him of the time i called someone amish whilst we walked around a crowd. told three people this in one day. i believe my rambling helped him. he had begun to talk to me again about how he liked a certain piece again and i brought the prevalent point up to him, “oh, the guy who made it is in the other room, i think.” i paused. “you should tell him.” i offer with a smile. its genuine; i do think his piece deserves definite recognition. it would be a lie to say otherwise. he then goes to do said thing and talks of awkwardness afterwards. i tell him its natural. maybe it was bad to recommend him to say he liked it. i don’t necessarily know. i only did so because it seemed apparent he wanted to. what i do know is that i was able to talk with someone about art, so.. it was nice.

i walked into another room interchangeably to take off my shirt and show its pattern. realized i was close to a window and did not want someone i know to see the prevalent scarring on an arm of mine. this would be bad. awkward. i didnt wish to have this said physical trait of mine consciously known. i want it to also be known said physical trait is healing slowly.. i am letting it do so. i moved further away and took it off there. i like the shirt. i spilt cranberry juice on it while i was talking to a friend because i began to take a sip of it to then say something like “yeah, [subject here] probably wants me to die and go to hell” before i laughed and got said juice on face and jacket. i don’t really believe in hell, nor heaven; just like the phrase. its funny to me.

easier to walk today, although i still had a limp. today has generally been better than the last. i was able to laugh & joke & i felt.. happy. it was the happiest i felt in a long time, although its hard to say knowing every interaction with my friends is one which brings me joy.. this one in particular was just nice. its nice to know things are okay and people are okay and its nice to feel human and like a kid again i guess. weird misconception i am fucked up and Evil and want Evil things. No! i want joy just like you do, mein freund. all i will ever ask for is for those around me to be at their most comfortable state or state they’re happiest or whatnot.

my keyboard got here and i genuinely forgot cause i was so swept up in the event. i may fully deep dive into its contents tomorrow. i have not once cried today nor have i gotten sick; truly has been a good day! there were other things i could mention, like the long discussion i had with another guy which had an accidental stomp against a piece occur. learned piece had actual razorblades in it. god thats really fucking cool. also talked with a peer about his pieces & whatnot, can you tell i love art yet?, and other things. got his number incase i ever wanted to text him about his art. apparently he wants to be an oceanographer. i heard that and almost make an ‘ee’ sound of joy. i love the ocean! i love the ocean! others love the ocean!! absolutely great.

im sure more stuff happened (did, indefinitely) but i am not going to sit down and type every minute detail. wish i could, but i simply cannot. remembering as of typing how i know arguably two hundred or so pokemon by name and visual, although not specific pokedex number. would start listing them but hell no i am not doing that

things will be Okay!!!!! Yay!!!! i am Happy to hear this…

feeling like a sick limping dog as i have to shamefully, well, limp around my living quarters to get around. my physical state has not seemed to have gotten much better. wearing tight socks as some sort of home compression device. i am adamant on being present tomorrow. i will not miss out on an exhibition i’ve been excited over, nor will i miss a day. even if im scared. even if im afraid. i am determined to deal with the pain & shame & agony & i am determined more than anything to live, despite my conditions

it’ll be shitty. it’ll be excruciatingly anything but fun. i’ll hate living and hate people and hate everything. this will be temporary. excuse any remarks i may make between the hours of 2-5 pm tomorrow EST as pure nonsense unless stated otherwise.

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

top 10 friendship moments number one

me n pretty boy: *literally talking abt and threatening to make out with each other*

other friend: *clone high jfk voice* whip and nae nae. shawty bae.

[bonny-kookoo]

Carrots and Whiskers (JJK x Reader) 💜🔞🐾

🥕 Pairing: Rabbit!Jungkook x Wolf!Reader

🥕 Genre: Hybrid AU, fluff, smut because why not amirite-

🥕 Warnings: stereotyping, mild mentions of past bullying, fluff, oh god they’re so cute, Dom!Jungkook despite being technically food for Sub!Reader, Dirty talk, it’s sweet though he ain’t calling his baby a hoe don’t worry, unprotected sex because in this hybrid universe they’re unable to conceive due to their different species, please keep that in mind thank you, sweet sweet lovemaking, aftercare, buff boi JK, Big dick JK but what’s new I guess, yeah I’m done now

🥕 Summary: He’s the prey and she’s the predator. So why does she feel like the roles are reversed?

This is a oneshot! If you have any ideas for future content in this universe, feel free to send in asks or requests!

A reputation could easily define your entire life it it was bad enough.

Both sides knew this; Jeon Jungkook, being depicted as the cowardly prey hybrid he was, and Y/N, the bad bad wolf with always malicious intentions. However, none of these depictions were actually true.

Jeon Jungkook was an actually pretty rough and brave young man, never really backing down from a challenge, uncaring on who was in front of him. He got into trouble often as a kid, as a teenager, and now as a young adult.

Y/N was soft spoken, a caring yet quiet hybrid who liked to stay hidden, the spotlight being more of a fear than a goal for her. She loved the simple things in life, liked to be by herself or surrounded by people she trusted and loved.

And she also got a major crush on the bunny in her art and music class.

It was quite cliche really, yet it also wasn't- it was as if she was stuck in a bad joke, never to make it to the punchline. She knew for a fact that he probably didn't even knew who she was, and the worst part about it was that she couldn't even blame him. She loved to not be seen, after all.

"Uhm, excuse me?" Said the voice, forcefully hitting her as she looked up, her own eyes meeting the big brown orbs of-

wait.

"I eh, we're supposed to choose partners for this project, and I know for a fact that you can draw so eh, wanna be partners?" He asked, and she simply stared. Was he- talking to her? "I mean, Its okay if you don't want to-" He started, the squirrel hybrid girl behind him already perking up at her chance, making her swallow a bit.

"N-no, I uhm.. I'd like that." She squeezed out, voice quiet, but he thankfully still heard her. He smiled, brightly and so awfully cliche as his bunny-like teeth showed, sitting down next to her as he pulled out his sketches. "So uh, what did you have in mind.?" She quietly asked, and he talked away, as if he'd always known her.

"Well since we weren't given much other than the theme and colors, I made some small sketches. You know, I get Ideas that are pretty neat sometimes but then I forget them easily, so I have to draw or write them down right away, otherwise I'll wanna bite my own ass later on." He rambled on, gently moving the rough sketches towards her, his eyes watching her as she looked at them, carefully studying his lines.

"This- this one would fit, I think.." She mumbled, tapping on one of his more detailed drawings. He grinned again, nodding, seemingly in agreement. He attempted to say something as the bell rang, students around them both scrambling up to get out as soon as possible, either to catch a bus or to drive home on their bikes.

"Hey do you-" He stumbled, his foot catching on a stray chair as he almost fell. "Do you wanna meet up on the weekend? That way we can finish faster, you know, time to sleep in class." He said, and she simply nodded, until he held his hand out. Her head tilted to the side, ears flopping a bit as he chuckled, mumbling. "cute. Your phone, so I can give you my number?" He explained, and she blushed, stepping back a bit as she placed her bag down on the table next to her, pulling out her phone, charms on the device dangling, making him smile. She really was adorable. "Alright." He said as he took it after she'd opened the phone app, his fingers typing away, before he gave it back to her. "Do you take the bus home?" He asked, and she nodded. "Oh really? I thought the pink bike outside was yours actually." He chatted away as she walked next to him, now a bit shy.

"I actually.. well, I can't, you know, ride a bike, so.." She mumbled, and he laughed for a moment, until he went quiet, sensing that she was serious.

"I eh, I could you know, teach you, if you want?" He asked as he unlocked his own bike. "I mean, not now but like, this weekend?" He asked, and she looked a bit hesitant. "I mean, you don't have to. But I promise I won't let you get hurt." It seemed odd maybe, for a prey hybrid to say that to a predator, but for her, it seemed like the most cheesy and romantic thing she'd ever heard. So she smiled, and nodded. "I uhm.. I think your bus left-" He pointed out, making her ears droop as she watched the vehicle drive off without her. "I can bring you home. It's kind of my fault you missed it, after all." He said, scratching the back of his neck as he suddenly rumbled in his backpack, pulling out a zip hoodie, before folding it, and placing it on the bag of his bike. "My'lady." He offered, and she giggled, making his ears flinch in excitement.

She'd been unaware of him for long enough, and after a talk with his fellow friend Taehyung, he'd decided to finally act on his interest in her. Even though he did get some odd looks from his classmate Jimin, he didn't care about what she was- he cared more about who. Her drawings were always so detailed in a way that would show exactly what she'd though while creating each line, something he always found remarkable. She also had a talent for photography, a hobby he had for himself as well.

"Hold on tight okay?" He said, and she nodded, her arms moving around his waist, redness creeping onto her cheeks as she felt his toned body underneath his thin shirt and loose jean jacket. She held a bit tighter as he finally pushed the bike forward, paddling at a decent pace that made her hair flow a bit with the wind. She couldn't help but enjoy the moment; the way his smell calmed her, the scenery around her, and the fact that it seemed like everything was finally working out for her.

"I'm gonna let go now and you'll just-" He started, but she suddenly grew anxious, her wide eyes immediately finding his.

"no no don't let go I'm gonna fall-" She scrambled out, scared as he simply laughed, one hand on her back as he kept the other on the bike for now.

"I promised, didnt I?" He hummed into her ear, and she blushed at the gentle tone of his voice. He was everything she never thought a prey hybrid would be; he was cunning, brave, and confident in himself. He wasn't after attention at all, simply trying to live his life yet he pulled everyones gaze on himself wherever he went simply by nature. His ears seemed too soft to be legal in her opinion, black and white tuft of fur that was his tail seemingly completely out of place; the rest of his body was toned. It showed that he knew how to take care of himself, it underlined the way he held himself wherever he went.

He was the complete opposite of her it seemed.

She liked to hide in oversized clothing, hybrid features the only thing really giving away that she wasn't just a mouse in disguise.

To him however, it was an entirely different story.

She was so sweet, always trying to help, and always trying to not be a burden. She had so much talent, a unique way of seeing the world, and a gentle way of always looking out for others. It also didn't ease his crush on her that she was absolutely beautiful in his eyes; shorter in statue than him, surprisingly, but he was pretty tall for a rabbit hybrid, he had to admit. His mother had once told him about the different subspecies of wolves when she'd noticed his crush on the girl; her best friend having been a wolf hybrid as well when she'd still been in school. Apparently there were different subtypes for them; alphas, betas and omegas. He guessed that the girl on his bike was an omega, maybe, as it would explain all her characteristics.

"You're doing so great!" He said, bunny smile making her feel more confident as she noticed he only held her by her back; she was actually riding a bike. "See? You can do it!" He happily exclaimed as he helped her off, seat a bit high for her to get down herself. "Lets sit down there and exchange some sketches, yeah?" He offered, and she nodded with a smile, walking next to him as they both sat down on the grass, after Jungkook had put down a small blanket he'd taken with him. "Okay, hit me." He playfully shot her way, as she pulled out her sketchbook, simply sliding it towards him as he opened it, looking through the pages she'd opened for him. "Uah, these are great! I'd use a bit more color on these ones, but the rest is awesome!" He mumbled in thought as he proceeded to change the page, his eyes widening at a familiar pair of eyes, when two delicate hands held his wrist in place.

"Pl-Please uh, that's not for the project eh-" She stuttered, panic evident in her voice as her red face and tilted ears gave away her embarrassment. He simply stared for a moment, before his other hand simply loosened her grip on his wrist, freeing himself without much force. He slowly turned the page, revealing multiple rough sketches of..

Him.

It was him, not very detailed, but clearly visible. Small scenarios were drawn on the page, him staring out the open window of the classroom as he talked to friends, him at the sidelines of his basketball game as he'd taken a break, or him asleep on his desk during class. He studied the drawings, noticing how she'd not cared much about his clothing, or the background; even the desk or the window weren't really drawn very realistically, simply a fast sketch. What did stand out was.. well, his face. The way the sun reflected in his eyes, how his ears had been slightly damp from the slight rain outside, or the tiny things he would've never thought she'd notice about him, like the tiny beauty mark under his lower lip, the slight scar just above his cheek, or how the sides of his eyes crinkled when he laughed, nose scrunched up.

As he looked up she was looking down, hair hiding her eyes as her ears were flat against her skull, tail in her hands, which nervously fiddled with the fur. "I-" He started, before he began to open his own bag, ruffling around in it as his own ears lowered themselves while he tried to find something. "Hah!" He exclaimed in victory, hands sliding off the rubber band of his own folder which kept his messily organized sketches and finished works. He rummaged through them, before he started to lay some of them out in front of her, one by one. Slowly, her ears turned, attention on what he'd put down in front of her.

He always had a different way of drawing things, not really putting a lot of effort into the outlines or sketches themselves; but he had a way of coloring things, a unique style that made things feel almost alive. In every picture, he'd dedicated most of his effort to color the fur of her hybrid features almost perfectly- he also payed special attention to her postures in every picture. He never drew her eyes however- which she noticed. "I uhm.. I've never got the chance to see them up close, so I had a bit of trouble with them.." He explained. "I've noticed you pretty early when we shared our first classes together.. But I never really got around to talk to you. You and Namjoon-Hyung always seemed so close, I thought.." He revealed, scratching behind his own ear as he suddenly felt a bit bashful.

"You.. I mean, Joonie is a good friend but we uh.." She started, voice a bit low as she laughed a bit.

"I know, I know, he told me-" Jungkook answered, now chuckling. "Thats why I immediately took my chance when they'd announced the group project." He said. "It gave me a chance to you know, get to know you better. Get closer, you know?" He explained, and she nodded. "So uh.." He mumbled, before he smiled at her hopefully. "Wanna uh- get cake together today? Like a date?" He asked, and she nodded, making him suddenly jump up as he fist bumped the air, making a passerby elderly couple laugh. "Yes!"

"Carrot cake?" She asked, an almost teasing smile on her lips as he looked at her.

"What? Don't judge puppy!" He said, making her scoff scandalized.

"Hey, I'm a wolf, not a dog!" She explained as she stirred her milkshake with her pink straw before grabbing the spoon from her small metal plate.

"And I'm a rabbit, not a bunny. So guess we're even." He said, before his smile faded a bit, eyes stuck to the spoonful of whipped cream which made its way inside her mouth, tongue darting out to lick her lips clean before she noticed his gaze. He snapped out of it, suddenly the one growing a bit shy. "You uh.. wait, lemme just-" He mumbled, hand moving to wipe the corner of her mouth as he licked his finger clean himself, making her eyes widen before she mumbled a 'thanks' under her breath. He grinned.

"So uh-" He asked, pushing down his small cake fork to pick up a piece of cake, holding it out towards her. "open up?" He asked, and she hesitated a bit, before leaning forward a bit, lips parting. He placed the piece into her mouth, watching as she closed her lips, accepting his offering of food before she nodded her head approvingly. "See? Don't judge before you try!" He exclaimed, and she giggled at that.

He was right.

"I'm absolutely beat." He suddenly exclaimed, falling down onto the mattress laying on the ground in the corner of the new, unfurnished bedroom. The wolf hybrid sat down next to his sprawled out form, gently moving his blonde tipped hair away from his eyes. He'd dyed it months ago, his roots more than visible at this point, yet he'd simply decided to let it grow. "Come here~!" He playfully demanded, hands reaching out for her as he pulled her down with him, happily humming when she was laying on his chest. "Can you believe we're actually gonna live together from now on?" He asked, and she shook her head, moving around a bit so she straddled him, sat on his thighs as he suddenly watches her with hooded eyes, hands on her hips as his thumbs move in circles over the skin underneath her sweater- his sweater. "Hm.. I mean.." He offered, suddenly moving to sit up, changing position as she's now underneath him, his hair tickling her face slightly when he begins to kiss against her pulse. "I was about to ask if we should at least put up the bedframe, but having a mattress on the floor.." He started, hands wandering underneath the clothing of his she wore as he continued in a low voice. "..means I can't break the bed this time." He said, and she giggled at that, remembering the time their time together had been roughly interrupted by the weak frame of his old bed breaking. "Oh, my puppy thinks that's funny?" He wonders, making her grin as he kissed her deeply.

Moments like these made her almost forget the stereotypes she'd grown up with during her live- since Jungkook was nothing like the typically depicted rabbit hybrids. Because right now the roles seemed completely reversed, as he mouthed at her neck, feeling her pulse race as he continued to map out her body with just his hands, no need to watch where they were, able to seemingly paint a picture of her by touch at this point. Clothes suddenly seemed to tight, itchy, as if bitten by a mosquito. She whined as he chuckled darkly, helping her out of his sweater as he immediately grabbed her breasts, kneading them before he continued to undress her, making quick work of her shorts as he pulled down her underwear as well- her already glistening center clinging to the damp fabric of her underwear as she squirmed, making him humm in appreciation. He pulled his own shirt over his head as well, revealing his body to her as the sun outside painted glowing stripes onto it, the blinds drawing patterns on her skin as well. He finally freed himself from the confines of his own underwear as well, standing proud and ready as she became restless.

"Hm, puppy wants to be filled up yeah?" He asked with a teasing undertone, proudly making use of the privilege to be able to call her that- since she hated it when others did it. It was the same the other way around however; typically, being called a 'bunny' was an absolute insult to him, but for some reason it seemed like a cute nickname coming from her. Maybe he was just whipped. Or maybe she was just privileged as well.

He entered her slowly as he sighed alongside her, not wasting any time as he fell into rhythm, hips thrusting forwards as her hands reached for his, intertwining their fingers as he felt his soul warm up at the gesture. He felt so loved, so cherished, it made him fear for his heart, as he swore it stopped every time he was close to her like this. He felt complete, like he'd found his soulmate, his other half- it didn't matter to him what she was. Sure, his parents were a bit dissapointed since they couldn't have kids naturally because of this, but they both could always adopt in the future. Thinking about it made his heart swell as he thought about her, caring for their kids, making this small apartment into a family home one day. Maybe it was instinct, but he'd already been driven nuts by the way she'd helped him choose furniture and wallpaper for the small living space they'd be sharing; the simple fact that she wanted to make their apartment into a home feeding his inner instincts to build a home to keep her safe in.

He felt her legs shake a bit as he shifted a bit, making her whine as he suddenly picked up his pace, sweat already slowly beginning to coat his skin as he didn't seem to notice how the sound of skin against skin still echoed in the almost empty room since it lacked furniture- but it didn't matter for now anyways. They'd both fill it with things and memories of the both of them, and he couldn't wait for it. He huffed a bit as he moved, leaning down a bit to rest his forehead against her neck as she bared it for him, a natural instinct of hers to submit to him even if he was of another species with no need of such gestures. He'd adapted to it however, gently biting the skin as he felt her shiver underneath him, a sign that she was getting close. "Hm my baby wanna cum?" He asked, gently beginning to tease her as she nodded, eyes closed in bliss. "You want a knot huh?" He asked, and she shook her head no, as he chuckled. He'd felt a bit insecure the first few times around as he knew how things worked for canine hybrids, worried that he maybe couldn't give her what she wanted or needed, yet she'd always reassured him. Now it was more like a teasing thing for him, and a way to tickle a praise out of her- a way of reminding himself that she loved him just as much as she did her. "No? You don't?" She shook her head again, her fingers holding his hands tighter. "What do you want then, huh?" He asked with a grin as she whined.

"You- you, only want ngh.. only need Kookie-!" She pressed out, and he hummed approvingly, his thrusts beginning to grow sloppy as he neared his end.

"That's right, only me, only mine, yeah?" He asked, and she nodded, suddenly opening mouth as her head buried itself into the mattress below her, clenching around him as he groaned out, burying himself deep inside her as he spilled. "Thats it, take it like a puppy- good girl!" He praised, making her whine as he leaned his body down, kissing her neck, her throat, and then her lips as they both calmed down from their highs, breathing slowly growing more and more even as he moved a bit to grab a box as he slid it towards him, rummaging through it before he took out a roll of kitchen towels, grabbing a few as he slipped out of her, carefully catching his release and her own juices as to not make a mess. He had a gentle smile on his face as he carefully cleaned her up before he stood, walking towards another box where he pulled out a large pillow and a few blankets, instincts taking over as he began to cover her now rapidly cooling body in soft fabrics before cuddling up next to her, pulling another blanket over his own form as he made sure his partner was comfortable. She slipped out of her makeshift blanket burrito to invite him in, making him grin his signature bunny smile as he held her close, skin on skin as he closed his eyes, the only light in the room the streetlamps outside.

This already felt like home.

[actualbird]

did u get marius summer breeze card? oh my god the story on that. he is so boy

SR Twilight Beauty, is the one ur talking about yeah? if yes, then HELL YEAH I GOT THAT CARD (after tireless summer breeze grinding kjbkjds) A FEW DAYS AGO AND IMMEDIATELY 70'D IT TO GET ALL THE STORY.

UR RIGHT. HE IS SO BOY!!!!!

heres some assorted thoughts of mine from that card story (spoilers fo Marius SR Twilight Beauty ofc)

i know it was just an in passing few lines but since i love Family Lore, i was very interested to hear about marius' mom. she was an artist just like him!!! he didnt get to meet her (she died shortly after marius was born...did his birth have anything to do with it? thoughts in my brain) so all he had to know her by was her paintings and musical compositions. not to project my own "didnt get to meet this family member who died but wants to know how they thought" boogaloo onto marius, but maaaaan that pulled on my heartstrings a bunch. to try and know a person with what they left behind...

HE GOTTTT SOOOOO SHYYY AND FLUSTERED WHEN HIS SKETCHES OF MC GOT BLOWN BY THE WIND I AM NOT OVER IT HE IS SO BOY, BOY OF ALL TIME, I----

obsessed with this card's story theme of "capturing moments." what is an instance? how can we immortalize that? what will it mean for people who will see your interpretation in the future? will we get to gleam what they experienced when they saw it? reminds me of this quote from Kazuo Ishiguro “But in the end, stories are about one person saying to another: This is the way it feels to me. Can you understand what I’m saying? Does it feel this way to you?”

OBSESSED WITH HOW MARIUS SEES ART IN GENERAL. this is in relation not just to this card but all his stories, it just is sooooo apparent that art is so frigging important to him, he believes in it so much. i get a little peeved when i see ppl say that art is marius' "hobby" like i understand they probly didnt mean it dismissively but as a fellow BFA (Bastard of Fine Arts) it's like it is more than that, it is SO IMPORTANT TO HIM, IT IS---//am pulled away by the security guards before i can ramble more

he is....so boy.....

[reineyday]

ye this is a hot take lol. (sorry op if im kinda hijacking what might have just been a vent post as opposed to an actual discussion/debate prompt. 😅) im not personally one to really enjoy modern art, and i used to think about it like op (it's just a giant blue canvas! i can paint this at home!) but after my own art school experience, i think there's something to be said about how modern art changed the way people think about ("fine") art and what constitutes as art in the first place.

i hope you dont mind me offering this other (lukewarm?) take on your hot art take, op! this isnt a modern art defense post in the sense that i think it's amazing, but it does fall under my own definition art and here's why.

(this is a wholeass essay btw. idk if it's 1000-1200 words cuz im on mobile but that's what it feels like. 😅 it's got a thesis and point-proof analysis and everything.)

for example, your "ten foot canvas of Blue 01"--sounds like color field painting. artists like rothko did stuff like this, and yes, it is technically just canvases of pretty colours up on a wall. but the thing about color field painting is that youre not just supposed to think about the canvas and the canvas alone. actually, if youre an artist staging work in an actual physical place, you should never just think about your piece in isolation (the electrical outlet an inch away from your hanging painting does make a difference to your work lol).

color field painters drew attention to the physical space by making their canvases wall-sized, by noting and changing the colour of the wallpaper, by positioning the viewer's bench a specific amount away from the canvas so that the viewer can be overwhelmed by the colour(s) the way the artist intends. (honestly i feel like colour field painting as a style really lends some validity both to the practice of interior design and to colour theory in general.) the art isnt just the blue canvas itself, it's the experience of the viewer.

and i think that's the thesis of a lot of modern ("fine") art, once we start to step away from the traditional paint-on-canvas and start getting into things like performance art and art installations: it's not just about the content, it's about the experience, whether that be of the viewer or the artists themselves.

one of my favourite installation pieces is called the running fence (christo & jean-claude, 1972-76) and it's this long-ass fence 5.5 meters (18 feet) high, 39.4 kilometers (24.5 miles) of billowing white nylon running through some farmland in cali. it's pretty to look at, but one of my favourite things about it is that they start the piece's creation period at 1972 bc that's when they got the idea and started working on it. it's just that working on it included getting permission from all the counties they wanted to run the fence through, and that meant justifying to the county--to their law and policy makers--that this was a valuable project bc it was art. and that meant they had to (re)define what art was and then argue their case. the art isnt just the piece, it's the political processes they went through to get permission to make it.

a very contentious musical piece is 4'33" (john cage, 1952), a "song" that is four minutes and thirty three seconds of silence. when it's performed, a professional pianist literally goes up to a piano and does all the preppy stuff involved in playing and performing, and then he just. doesnt play. (or does it count as playing just because the song is all rests?) for 4 mins and 33 seconds, it's just the audience. from what i understand, it's silent so that listeners/viewers become more aware of the environment and the people in the room with them, but also like. it's just silence. is it even a song? but it has sheet music so it must count, right?

the piece might be anger-inducing (it's literally just silence! you're not listening to anything!) but it also makes you ask some interesting questions about what music is, about the experience of listening together with other people, of being a group in a room watching some guy do a thing, about the sounds you and the people around you make subconsciously, especially when you're bored or impatient. and therein lies the art of it all with this piece--you become aware of the experience. also it makes you a little philosophical about music and community.

and that's the other thing about ("fine") art, is that i think you can call it art if it makes you philosophical, makes you think about the world and how you experience it. surrealism as a movement does this with its depicted content (all those paintings of wavy dreaming things making you question reality as we experience it), but i mean, black square (malevich, 1915) does it too. just by existing, it posits the question: is this art? i honestly, personally, think the piece and the movement it's a part of (suprematism, which argues that art should be about representing pure artistic feeling as opposed to depicting objects) is wholly and completely full of shit. they were really like "abstract art should be the most base form of artistic feelings" and then said "you can only use geometric shapes and this range of colours" like... that's not even slightly expressive. that's so constricting. how could that be artistic feeling in its purest form? that's not what *i* think is art--but that's why black square works, and why we still study it when we cover art history movements: it makes you ask the questions.

it makes you form your own opinions and articulate why you think malevich was wrong (or right, i guess, but im not in that camp). it is literally just a black square. there is actually evidence he painted over a more colourful piece just to display this goddamn black square, and he displayed it where people usually display a crucifix in a room, which is like a whole added layer of implications l o l. maybe i wouldnt call it art, and it definitely makes me angry, but the fact remains that because of this piece, i have a firmer definition of what art is to me, and i understand that my feelings of anger towards that is part of the whole package. looking at black square is on the whole supposed to be a very meta experience, and that's the art. the content itself doesnt take any skill at all, and it evokes the feelings of anger (and confusion and skepticism), but none of that is the point anyways.

these modern artists weren't trying to be different and quirky and anger-inducing per se, they were questioning the status quo of art and what counts as art. some of it ends up being vapid and stupid (jeff koons comes to mind, no offense to anyone who likes his work but i definitely dont) and some it is anger-inducing but to all the right people (duchamp's fountain, 1917, made so many people angry bc a) it was a readymade urinal lol, and b) it was shaped like the silhouette of the virgin mary). even though i might hate it (not duchamp's urinal, i love duchamp's urinal), i cant help but big sigh and admit it's still art. i may hate everything koons puts out (seriously, you're gonna display some vacuums in a cabinet and call it art?) but at the end of the day, yeah, it is art. he's displaying those vacuums. theyre there. and now a bunch of people will find other artists who use readymade objects and products to say something (hopefully more scathing and critical) about capitalism just as valid as whatever jeff koons is doing.

(btw everything in koons's artist statement in that moma link on the vacuums makes me angry bc it feels not only stupid and reachy but also sexist! 🙃 yet... it still counts as art. *big sigh*)

ive been periodically referring to it as ("fine") art and that's because i personally think there's a difference between fine art and art in general. ive been typing ("fine") bc i wanted to talk about art in general (art that is for and by the public, is accessible and surrounds us) but in a way that indicates it's being largely influenced by fine art. ive put "fine" in quotations bc what constitutes as fine art is usually (unfortunately) dependent galleries and art collectors as much as it is subjective.

in this post, ive mostly been referring to modern fine art, but in a way that trickles down to art in general. fine art is unfortunately expensive and exclusive, even if these days galleries are cheap/free to visit. fine art, in this post, means the stuff in galleries, the stuff people laud, the stuff that costs hundreds and hundreds of dollars. art in general, though? art is something that should be a part of every day life, something expressive and accessible. i'm not gonna argue that galleries are predatory, but it's an unfortunate fact that for most people, the things we see in galleries are the things people consider the standard definition of art--the same way we tend to think of the things we see on tv and blockbuster movies as the media standard.

this is why modern art--the art that makes you angry because it challenges your definition of what art is--ends up being important and still counts as art (to me). if modern galleries accept and display all these new ways of thinking about art, it trickles down to the masses, and affects the definition of art in general. if modern galleries start drawing more attention to poc/indigenous artists and (re)framing exhibitions to be not only respectful but impactful, if they highlight local artists, then regular people who go in on dates and family days will leave thinking about these things, because they see it represented in front of them. art should be more than the eurocentric stuff they teach us and show us, and it should encompass more than painting on canvases, but people dont realize that until they visit a gallery that shows them that on a personal level.

so many established forms of art had to fight to be defined as art. photography wasnt initially considered an art, and videography is arguably still fighting to be counted as art. impressionism, the movement to which monet belongs, might be what people imagine when they think of traditional art, but the movement had to fight to be counted as art as well since high society at the time didnt think that impressism as a style was worth shit and ousted them from their galleries. i think modern art falls under this umbrella of having to fight to be defined as art, but i think it works out well enough as long as people start talking about it (like we are!).

anyways, i hope this (long, loooong) post doesnt come off as bashing people bc they "just dont get it". i dont mean to be obnoxious and/or condescending about it, or come off as trying to be intellectually superior or anything (and if i did then yikes, i am so sorry), i just truly and genuinely enjoy engaging with art on all levels, including the meta level outside of the content itself. modern art seems to sit on this really fascinating line that always gets people incensed and talking--and i think that's a good thing, and why i personally count it in my own definition of art, even though i might hate the content itself. i hope instead of bashing on people who hate modern art, this post is offering an alternative way of thinking about (modern) art and why it should count as art, even if you do hate it. its purpose isnt necessarily to induce anger, and i'd personally be hard-pressed to call most modern art awe-inspiring or even likable, but i find that modern art the likes of which we're discussing is usually less about emotions evoked and more about art as a practice and/or as an instituiton anyways.

god knows i look at most of pollock's work and think "why 🙄", but then i remind myself that him becoming popular probably also changed the way the general public thought about the process of painting (goodbye, paintbrushes!) and that probably influenced other artists later on to do way more interesting things than drip paint, even if they were less popular and/or enduring in popular culture. pollock's popularity also got us all discussing why dripped paint should count as art, which is a win, even if most people who look at his work end up thinking "no, it shouldnt count as art because my five year old can do that". (to which i usually reply: "but your five year old didnt, did they?" that conversation, however, is a whole different one that isnt about art in general, but about fine art and exclusivity and capitalism and a whole lotta horse shit so we're not gonna touch on it lol.)

at the end of the day tho, and like yall said, art is totally subjective and based on personal opinion. this is just my side of it! i dont generally like the modern art that does stuff like that, but this long post kinda goes over why id still call it art (even if im doing it through clenched teeth haha).

ahh tl;dr - yes art is about skill and talent and time and dedication. art is about being awed and "damn i wish i could do that." but art (to me) is also about pushing you to think about the definition of art and what it means. art is also about the social experience of looking at a thing (alone or together), and the things the artist has to do to create even before they pick up the materials to start making. if it makes you think, then it should count as art, just as much as anything that makes you feel, or is simply nice to look at. but like i said, that's just me. art is supposed to be flexible in definition, and i wouldnt have it any other way.

Hot Art Take

I don't care what the meanings behind modern abstract paintings are, I'll still never like them. 3 years of art school didn't change my mind, and neither will people telling me that 'oh its to make people angry!' never will either.

The literal ONLY exception to this is brush stroke skills & Color skills. Otherwise I will not look at a ten foot canvas of Blue 01 and call it art.

Everyone is allowed their own opinions though so that's as far as my hot take goes. I also just don't like galleries bc their predatory and always have been. Mostly just money laundering systems as a way to make money off the backs of artists they pick and choose to gain popularity and in the olden days were used to make money off the backs of impoverished artists who got next to nothing in return for sales.

[lokislittlesigyn]

// loki spoilers

This is basically a huge infodump on my thoughts about the first episode, because I doubt y’all want to sift through my trauma-ridden ramblings. I’ll make another post for the rest. This is just everything not related to the IW stuff/my reaction to that. It’s general thoughts, theories, musings.

1. When Loki gets first taken into the TVA. Is that Peggy Carter in the background? Others have suggested it might be. What would that mean??? Will we see the TVA fix the mess the Russos made with Steve/Peggy (not likely) or is it just a lookalike? Who knows..

2. A skrull at the main intake desk! Idk not super relevant just interesting!

3. I’m kind of glad they changed the... uncomfortable scene... with the robot burning his clothes off. He gets more time to react to seeing the machine itself, and he seems more shocked (”Now.. H-hang on just a minute.”) than angry (”Now hang on just a minute!”) i still feel.. horrible for him, i’m glad nobody Saw him and that the machine didn’t grab the clothes off, but still. Ehhh.. uncomfortable.

He is beautiful though, don’t get me wrong - I’d just prefer a shirtless Loki scene where he wants to be shirtless? let him do what he wants with his body?? he’s probably felt so out of control of his body, from being jotun to falling through space that any invasion of privacy like that hits extra deep...

That being said, I recognize the utility of the scene for the narrative - his lack of control, his literally being stripped of what he was before.

4. WHO IS THE MAN WITH THE CAT. What is his name. I love that he has a mug with his cat on it. But I want to know more. Who is he?

4.1 WHY DIDNT YOU LET LOKI PET THE CAT Please,,, I am begging you,,, let loki pet the cat and have something react kindly to him and purr all happily at his scratching behind their ears plea s e

5. The info sheet. Now this is just a little nitpicky tidbit, but in a previous promo they listed Loki’s height as 6′4 ft and weight as 525 lbs. This is taken directly from the comics if I’m not mistaken. However, in the actual show he’s listed as  6′2 (Tom’s height and Loki’s presumed height) but I don’t remember if his weight is the same. Is Loki 6′2? 6′4? please let me know i want to know how smol i am in comparison

6. His little aggressive shaking of the ticket at the guard makes me giggle each time.

7. The fact the turnstile hits so low on him reminds me,, I am short compared to him. Those things hit my stomach/waist. That one hit his legs. I am once again asking Loki to pick me up.

8. The cartoon with Miss Minutes introducing the TVA is wonderful, I love the art style especially. But it raises questions about Variants... I guess Variants can just, pop out of nowhere? Any action could be the wrong one? And then once you commit the wrong action you either get returned or pruned? Yikes??? And THIS ties into another thing later!

9. The trial scene. I have a hunch - a feeling, a suspicion. That one of three things may be true.

A. The Time-Keepers never actually existed. They’re fabricated, and now whoever runs the TVA is actually using the excuse of “The Time-Keepers decree it so!!!” to carry out whatever They think is right. The fact we haven’t seen the Time-Keepers makes me.. suspicious...

B. The Time-Keepers existed, but they have since passed on, however that may have happened. Now someone is doing the same as above, using the excuse of the Time-Keepers apparent dictations to run things.

C. The Time-Keepers do exist, and do run the timeline/TVA, but maybe they’re not infallible? Maybe the TVA info video is lying or incomplete in some way? Idk I just feel like, something about the TVA and how they run things has to be wrong. It has to? Something is off. Again, this will tie into another thought later...

I have no idea if any of these are actually true! But Loki’s questions of “Who’s in charge here? What do they do? What do you do?” punctuated by laughter leads me to believe he’s suspecting something too, or perhaps just trying to figure this mess out.

10. Seiðr/Magic. We see in this scene, Loki’s magic (”powers”) don’t work in the TVA. (and a quick side note, did he have to Flex like that? do you have to make me see Loki’s bare arms Flex like that? be still my heart. anyway please get that collar off of him and let him rest for five minutes) This makes me wonder.. Why isn’t Loki in his Jotun form? His pale skin and blue eyes are decided by magic, are they not? I suppose this is 2012, so perhaps Odin’s magic is keeping Loki looking like that. But if magic doesn’t work in the TVA, why would his spell reach so far? Clearly Loki’s magic isn’t what’s doing it. How is Loki not appearing as a Jotun? Is his Jotun form repressed - is pale skin his default now, rather than something hidden by magic? I need answers!

11. he sounds so scared about being “reset” please dont hurt him,,

12. cALLING LOKI A PUSSYCAT? (lokitty confirmed) I think Mobius was goading him (Mobius strikes me.. As extremely clever. He’s trying to push Loki’s buttons to see who he’s dealing with. At least, I hope so. Because if he really meant that “You were born to cause pain and suffering and death... All so that others can achieve the best versions of themselves.” and that line about killing Frigga??? No no no he is not guilty. He had no way of knowing what would happen. It wasn’t right to send Algrim up to Asgard (i think algrim wouldve found the way up anyway) but there was no intent to hurt Frigga. I really hope you’re trying to goad him, Mobius, because if you believe that I trust you much less. anyway i digress) but wow is he pushing Loki’s buttons a lot. I can’t... Blame him entirely, I understand he’s trying to make sure Loki’s on his side, maybe I’m just too soft for Loki idk. But some of that was very cruel to say. /:

12.1 AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT MOBIUS. That scene with the girl in the church?? Did that little girl kill the men? Is that young Sylvie? Or is she using an illusion to make herself look young and innocent? What’s going on!!!!

13. LOKI SNATCHING THE LITTLE TIME-TWISTER DEVICE AND STOWING IT IN HIS POCKET.... POCKET....... sorry sometimes i get so caught up about loki that i just say random words in between little noises and squeals,,, i am a silly thing

14. CASEY. CASEY??? That whole exchange is funny. Poor Loki, just trying to intimidate this guy so he can escape but - Casey doesn’t know what a fish is. to be fair.... thor doesn’t seem to know what a raccoon is... right?

15. That bit with the infinity stones is kind of funny until you realize

A. Natasha died for a paperweight

B. Tony died from paperweights

C. Loki was tortured for paperweights

D. Oh, and Gamora died for a paperweight too. And Vision. Need I go on?

Then it becomes less of exclusively “haha funny” and now it’s a mix of funny and pain and gosh, is that a good way to sum up being a Marvel/Loki fan sometimes...

16. Loki gazing at the timeline all “Is this the most powerful thing in the universe?” or something, i’m sorry i don’t remember exactly... made me think of a meme and i shall make it presently.

17. I love that Loki got to see examples of how his family loves him but the fact he’s all “I can’t go back.” really just breaks me. It’s like he can finally see they love him after all of this mess, and now he doesn’t have the chance. Please, please let him be happy. Give him some relief. This is the Loki that just came off finding out about being Jotun, falling from the Bifrost, encountering Thanos, attacking Earth, facing defeat, and now he’s being thrashed around in this wild place and has just found out he inadvertently caused Frigga’s death (he did not kill her: his actions, by mistake, lead to her murder, let me be very clear) AND Odin will die AND all the rest... And he wants to be with them.

18. Loki’s reaction to Thor suggesting the hug makes me soft. Please I want to hug this little mischief man so so so bad-

19. Skipping over the iw parts! That’s for another post because this one will be grossly long anyway.

20. “I don’t enjoy hurting people.” and “It's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear. A desperate play for control.” was all so, so validating. I’ve been trying to argue on Loki’s behalf for almost a solid decade. Seeing the show recognize that Loki’s not all just violence and hurting for “fun”, that he’s not unhinged and bloodthirsty.. Is so nice. It’s just so, so comforting. and it gives me hope for future episodes that they won’t go the route of “oh haha loki bullied and mistreated and stabbed thor for years!!! :)” loki cries during basically every fight with Thor and you want me to believe he stabs Thor for fun? absolutely not.

21. Theory.. Just another hunch.. So we know a fugitive variant, aka Loki, is running amok. Refer back to 8 and 9.C. What if the Time-Keepers never actually fixed the timeline into a single timeline? What if there are other timelines, and these different Loki variants have hopped over to the current one? Or, maybe the Time-Keepers did fix the timeline into a single one, and these Lokis are remnants from that huge time-war at the beginning? Time runs differently in relative spaces, they may have Just Left that war from their perspective!

I say Lokis and not Loki because we’re pretty sure there’s Female/Lady Loki, Old Man/King Loki, and possibly Young/Kid Loki. That’s at least three. From the peeks of Asgard and NYC we’ve seen from the trailers, I think we’re also getting an Asgardian King!Loki and Midgardian King/Vote!Loki. (unless our dearest variant is hopping into timelines and situating into them, but I doubt Mobius would let that happen..?) That’s five.

To further support this, keep in mind, I believe recently six (i think 6 regular and 6 rare...) different funko pops were announced for the series? I’m not sure if they’re in addition to the Loki and Mobius already released. If they are, there’s enough room for each Loki and maybe a TVA agent. One of the pops is supposed to have a buddy/companion I think? Maybe they’re making the cat guy into one, or maybe there’s something else (Throg, anyone?).

22. That is totally Lady Loki/Sylvie at the end by the way. Has to be. But why does she want the reset devices? Why did she snatch that TVA Hunter? Again, WHAT’S GOING ON

ANYWAY this was a very long post if you made it this far, I commend you.

[annetteblog]

Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?  

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone. 

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??” 

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance. 

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly. 

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

                                       /as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet. 

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed. 

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.   

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

                                                    Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience. 

P.S.  And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian.  i like it better and what will u do haha

[blissfulparker]

Dine and dash→pt.10 ceo!tom

Summary →tom comes into your diner every Tuesday and Thursday, it is no secret that he only goes for you. When will he ever be brave enough to say something, when will you ever be brave enough to let him in?

Warnings→fluff, angst, drinking

A/n→ Sorry this is so delayed, i haven't been in a place with good internet to post but now that i have some i get o post part 10 and i have 11 written and 12 too so i hope to get that edited and queued up. hope you guys enjoy!

“I wanna know how you did that.” You hand him the glass of wine as you join him on the couch.

Tom managed to get her in the bath, get her pajamas on, brush her teeth and hair without a single fuss or complaint. Every night something had to go wrong, she didn’t want to take a bath, or she didn’t want to brush her hair because it hurt, there was always something that went wrong.

But tom did it perfectly. She laughed and did everything right. She even picked up her room with a smile, every time you asked her to pick up her room she’d have a fit. All her stuffed animals on her dresser, all her toys in her bin, her bag ready for tomorrow. Tom finished it all up with two bedtime stories and now she was out like a light.

Now you had the Netflix home screen on and cuddled up on Toms side. You had a relaxing night at home for once in your life. She was asleep and you had no chores to do expect be with your boyfriend, but that wasn’t a chore.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” He says and wraps his arms around you. You take a sip and then rest your head on his shoulder.

“It’s like she loves you more than me.” You whine a bit feeling like you’re loosing as a mother and he moves to look at you.

His soft fingers touch your chin to lift it up and look at you. “She doesn’t love me more than you, why would you say that?” He asks and you sigh feeling helpless.

“I dunno, she just looks at you like you’re this sort of god. She listens to you and she follows you like a lost puppy. Maybe it’s just because you’re a man and sees you as a dad but—I don’t know.” You take another sip and fall back on his shoulder. “Seeing her da—Henry just made me feel weird. Like I did something wrong and he did the right thing. I mean I don’t regret Cara, she’s the light of my life. But I feel like I just shut everything out after I had her, I didn’t go to art school, I didn’t travel, I didnt go out on Friday’s and stay in touch with friends. I feel like I gave up on myself after I had her. And now you come in and you’re perfect, absolutely perfect, you’re nice to her, you like me for some reason, and you’re pretty, and you’re successful, so successful! I don’t understand why you like me.” You whine and he giggles a bit, not because of your speech, because you’re drunk and don’t understand yourself.

“How much did you drink tonight?” He asks and you shake your head.

“I dunno, a glass or two at dinner and then a glass when you were getting her to sleep? Wait, maybe two glasses when you were getting her to sleep.” You tell him and he takes your glass and set it on the coffee table.

“I don’t really know what to say to someone who had a child and was alone for such a long time. But I’m here now, and I love you and I love Cara, and you don’t have to deal with everything alone anymore. And Henry, he was a selfish ass and you know that.” He touches your hair and your eyes are damp with tears.

“You love me?” You choke out and he nods.

“Yeah, is it still too early to say that?” He spoke slightly scared that you wouldn’t say the word back and he just messed up a relationship with one of the best girls he’s met.

“N-No, it’s not too early. I love you too.” You giggle a little. A goofy smile appears on his face. Tom doesn’t really smile at work, strictly businesses. He says good morning with no smile and sits in his office all day usually annoyed with his work. But with you, he has the biggest smile.

“I got really lucky.” He let’s you fall back on his chest as he picks out a show for you two to watch.

“I’m dating the richest, sexiest man in London. I think I got really lucky.” You mumble into his shoulder. He smirks as he squeezes your side.

“You’re drunk.” He reminds you and you shake your head.

“No, you’re extremely hot, you’re the ceo Of one of London’s best companies, and I don’t even know what you guys do over there but you make it look good. Not to mention you have an extremely big—” he stops you before you finish your sentence.

“Okay, darlin’, okay.” He Let’s His thumb massage your thigh and you calm into his side.

“Don’t leave me.” You reach for your glass and he stops you before you can get it.

“I won’t, promise.” He pulls you back into him.

“Where are those cute little glasses of yours, you look like peter Parker.” You touch his curls and give them a soft tug. Tom didn’t mean to get turned on by that but he loved it when all the times you had sex you’d tug his hair.

“Okay, maybe we should get you off to bed.” He picks you up and You giggle at how fast he moves.

“Will You Be there when I wake up?” You ask and he laughs as he pushes open the door.

“Promise you I will.”

~

Your body felt gross, you had a headache after drinking a bit too much while tom was being responsible. You hated yourself for doing that, honestly. But everything hurt and you needed to drown it all out for just one night.

Tom was missing as well, but this time there were no crashing in the kitchen, no running around, he had left to take Cara to school and most likely go to work. There was a small sticky note with Advil and water.

Took Cara to school and there are Bagels on the counter, we can meet for lunch if you’d like? Let me know how you’re feeling♥︎

You smile at the note and pop the pulls in your mouth taking the water to follow them. You felt like taking a shower, cleaning your whole body from last night.

Although there was loud banging coming from the door. It hurt your head and the sun from the windows didn’t help.

“Tom just open the door, I know you have a key!” You shout ignoring it. The bangs got louder as you took the poppyseed bagel out of its bag and that’s when you turned to open the door.

“Tom, stop bang—” you pulled the red door open and there stood Henry, the man you hated dearly still and didn’t know how he got your address.

“Look I came to talk—” he started, he was wearing a New York sweatshirt and wrinkled jeans.

“How did you find my house?” Your hand turned white on the door handle and you felt like this was just a hallucination from the hangover.

“Your mum and my mum still go to the same book club. Apparently they’re friends and still keep in touch, she had your address.” He gives a lopsided smile. You knew your mum still talked to his, they’ve always been friends.

“So why are you here?” You spit and he rocked back and forth on his heels.

“I was a bit rough yesterday, we didn’t get to properly talk.” He tried and you want to laugh, so badly do you want to laugh. You don’t though, you try and shut the door. “Wait!” He stops it with his shoe. “Please.”

“What do you want me to do? I’m so confused! You’re gone for six years and you come back when my life is perfect and want to crawl back in on one pity sorry?” You throw your hands up and he looks around, you could care less if you made him cry.

“I just wanna meet her! Is that too much to ask?” He begs now with his hands up in the air.

“Yes! That is! She doesn’t deserve you! She doesn’t know who you are and she doesn’t deserve to know who you are.” You shout, the shouting alone hurts your head and you want to go back in bed and call tom to come cuddle.

“And what the guy your fucking deserves to be her dad?” He scoffs and you look at him in shock.

“Yeah and if you’re not any different,” you laugh this time and he leans against your door.

“Let’s see, I took you to prom—” he starts and you let your head fall on the door.

“You took me to prom doesn’t make up for leaving me with a baby!” You scream and right as you do your phone rings. You start to talk again but the ringing keeps going and causes you to sigh and grab it.

“Hello?” You pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Darlin’! Did I wake you?” Tom asks. He’s driving, you can hear that you’re on speaker phone.

“No, no,” You look over to the man still in your doorway waiting for you to come back. “Thank you, by the way. The bagels, taking Cara to school, it was the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in awhile.” You look over at Henry as you say those words.

“No problem, it was her idea. Anyways, I left my watch and wanted to know if you can bring it when we get lunch? If not then that’s okay I can just—” you cut him off before he starts his nervous rambles.

“I can bring it, of course. I’m kinda doing something right now but I love you and will see you soon.” You tell him and he says a quick I love you before you hand up and focus on the problem at your door.

“As I was saying—” He starts again and you shake your head.

“No, no, you can’t be here and you can’t see her. I’m done okay? I’m sorry you wasted your time with coming here but you can’t see her, she’s not yours. If you try and bring lawyers in that’s a bad idea because you know I’ll win.” You tell him and he looks like he’s about to cry but you didn’t care, you wanted him gone.

“You can’t be serious.” He chokes out a laugh and you furrow your brows.

“Funny, I think those were the exact words I said to you the day you left.” You presses your lips into a smile and shut your door.

You lean your head against the door and look over to a picture of Cara on her first day of school. She wore the required uniform and had her curls pulled back into a ponytail. She was yours, and now Toms, you two took care of her and no one else did.

You grab the phone and try to call tom again. The call went to voicemail, twice, you assume he’s busy and can’t use his phone while working. You need him right now though, certain times you need him the most.

You sit there, the sound of the coffee machine dripping fresh coffee, the morning news instead of Cara’s cartoons or shows. Any other day you’d love to be alone, have a nice relaxing morning and paint but right now you wanted tom and your girl, in bed making your laugh.

The sound of your phone rings once again. Toms name with hearts pop up and make you smile. You are quick to press the answer button wanting to hear his voice.

“Hey I saw you called again?” He asked, his voice deeper and it sounded as if he was around people.

“I thought maybe I can return that watch now?” You ask. You didn’t know where the thing was but you were will to look for it if that meant you saw him faster.

“Oh,” he looks around. “I’m in some meetings—” he hears your sigh and can tell something is bothering you so he doesn’t want to disappoint. “But I can have my receptionist let you up.” He tells you and you let your head fall on the counter.

“Thank you.” You whisper and let some tears fall.

“Love, what’s wrong?” His voice soft and full of concern.

“I’ll explain when I’m there.” You sniffle and he feels his heart ache.

“Okay, drive safely, I’ll be here.” He assures you and you sit up and sip your coffee.

“Okay.” You hang up. You order an Uber knowing that you are in no condition to drive. You find the watch he wanted on your nightstand sitting there pretty in gold. Sometimes you wondered why all the expensive stuff, he was rich but he never acted rich. As in he never acted like an asshole who threatened you.

You threw on an old sweater and some baggy jeans. It always shocks you how London can manage to be cold and rainy when some people would still consider it summer. Hard rain poured down not helping with your mood.

When your Uber arrived you didn’t say much except the address. He for a second started boasting about how his son worked for the company and how hard it was to get a job. Although it probably wasn’t, tom is pretty nice but you didn’t really know how he was business wise.

“Thank you.” You gave him a half smile as you get out of the car tipping him. You walk up to the building slightly intimidated, all the professional people walking in and out and you’re wearing a sweater and jeans.

“Hi, I’m here for tom holland.” You ask the woman and she gives you a look up and down.

“Name?” She asks and you say your name and she looks at you again.

“Go on up.” She spoke before going back to her computer.

The elevator ride is long, the longest you’ve ever been. There were sixteen floors and tom was at the very top. When you got to his floor it was a lot more peaceful than the one at the bottom.

“Excuse me?” Another woman asked noticing you trying to figure out which office is Toms. “You must be (y/n)? Mr. Holland’s door is down at the end.” She smiles and you nod before walking all the way down and knocking on the door.

“Tom?” You ask as it opens. Tom looks up from his desk. His look was sexy, something you didn’t see at the diner usually. A dark black suit and his hair slicked down into place with gel, he wore his glasses and a serious look that softened at you.

“Babygirl.” He moves his chair back and you come over to him. He motioned for you to sit on his lap which you gladly did. “What happened when I left?” He asked sensing something was wrong.

“Henry came over.” You laid your head on his chest. You felt bad since you were wet from the rain but he didn’t mind.

“What?” He asked as if he wanted to kill the man for talking to you again.

“I told him to leave, that he can’t see Cara again. I just started feeling everything I felt last night again and it hurt. It hurt a lot. I know I’m acting like a baby but I wanted to see you.” You sniffle staring st his computer taking in all the numbers.

“You know the first time I tried to flirt with you, you rolled your eyes.” He tells you. It was true, he looked up a cheesy pick up line and you rolled your eyes. He didn’t give up, he refused to give up on you.

“I know.” You touch the curls that weren’t soft but crunchy.

“I love you a lot. I think you are perfect. I knew that since day one, and I don’t want some asshole to make you rethink any of that.” He presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“I don’t deserve you.” You look at him and he presses soft kisses along You jaw.

“I think it’s the other way around.” He pulls you down and presses sloppy kisses all around your face. He paused as he saw your emotions drop again.

“When Cara was a baby, I was so scared that everyone would hate me for being so young with a baby. She was impossible some days and I thought we’d never make it, me up all day and night. I thought no one would want to date someone with a kid as young as me but you are so incredibly sweet to us.” You tell him and he feels himself warm in the heart from your words and pulls you into his chest.

“You don’t have to be alone anymore.” He touches your damp hair. “You both don’t have to be alone anymore.” He reminds you and you sigh tracing patterns on his clothed thigh.

“So,” you get up and look at him again. “Want me to pick something up for lunch? I should leave now, no one knows how to drive in the rain.” You laugh a bit and tom holds you down.

“I can have someone bring us up something, can you stay like this all day?” He asks and you look at all his work in front of him.

“You have work, tommy.” You tell him and he shakes his head kissing the small of your neck.

“I’ll do it later, it’s also hard right now and I don’t wanna worry about it.” He says and you smile wrapping your arms around him just to stay like this a little longer.

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