#i didnt go to sleep to make this these are my choices and i stand by them

[brotherconstant]

succession au ↳ gerri/karolina (karolina is there during roman and gerri’s “conference call”)

[mythicmanuscripts]

Hi Sea!! Listen, you're actually amazing. I think I spam liked almost every one of your posts 😭. I love your writing and the way your brain works. You're an author who I can constantly rely on to need my needs. I love subby men 😭. Very bbg coded. I'm actually in love with you. I recently had been HOOKED on your vampire au. I am so obsessed with Aegon x vampire reader. I also would love to see more of Jace x Vamp reader in the future, but I would like to request some Aegon rn. I read a recent post where you said how Aegon would get upset and possessive once he found out the reader fed on someone else. Can you please write smth about that? Where the reader needed to feed and didn't bother Aegon. I would like to see Aegons' reaction. Once again, love you. ❤️

Aw thank you anon!!! I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying my writing that means so much!

Since I know AUs arent everyone's cup of tea I'll put my answer below the cut, and also because there's definitely some implied sexual activity. If you don't want to see more of this then block the 'hotd supernatural!au' tag.

So for those of you that missed the first ask, this is in reference to an idea someone had with the supernatural!au where the reader is a vampire and while everyone else is scared of them, Aegon is just head over heels in love. Yes you're extremely dangerous, he knows this and he only loves you even more. When he first meets you, you end up having a one night stand with him. You had planned on finding someone to feed on that night but you didnt, because he was far too sweet to ask that of him. The next morning you try to leave because you're in dire need of a feed and Aegon refuses to let you go because he had the best time and he just holds out his wrist for you to drink from.

Your relationship with Aegon flourishes from there. At first you just sneak into the castle and fuck him, because you can't deny how irresistible wrecking him is. He always waits up for you, and the moment you walk through the door he jumps your bones, always desperate and needy no matter how much you fuck him.

Pretty soon he's asking you to spend more and more time there, and it becomes second nature for him to just gently tilt his head to the side or hold out his wrist for you. He finds that he loves the feeling, the slight pain when you bite down, the feeling when you suck lightly, and then the way you always lick over the bite marks for them to heal better. It actually relaxes him so much? He loves it. His favourite position is sitting across your lap, letting you drink your fill and then snuggling up against you, drifting in and out of sleep and requesting kisses.

You enjoy feeding from him as well of course, and you always make sure to thank him and make sure he knows that. However, you still operate under the assumption that he's doing you a favour. He obviously enjoys sleeping with you and spending time with you, so you think that him allowing you to drink from him is his way of thanking you for the things he likes doing with you. You never consider that letting you feed from him was something he actually wanted, enjoyed even.

You first discover this after you a very busy week where you werent able to visit Aegon once. There were only two nights that you were free and both times when you went to the keep you could see there was no light in Aegon's window meaning he was either somewhere else or already asleep. the next few days you don't have the time to stop by.

By that point you didnt enjoy feeding from others. If given the choice you would always choose Aegon, but clearly he was busy so you went and found some others. You drank your fill and then the next night you went to the keep and saw the light in Aegon's room.

Needless to say, he's overjoyed to see you. He jumps right into your arms, not even letting you finish greeting him before he's kissing you and pulling you into the bed. You expect him to immediately want sex, but instead he's kissing you gently and giggling and telling you about his week. You pull him closer and listen, taking his hand and tangling your fingers together.

Aegon starts telling you about something Alicent wants of him and as he talks, he raise his hand, wrist up towards you. You smile at him and press a kiss to his palm before gently pushing it away, explaining to him that you fed the night before so he doesn't need to do that.

You expect him to relax then, but no, he actually gets upset? He frowns and sits upright in bed, tilting his head to the side and asking why you'd do that. You ask what he means and he repeats himself, saying that he doesn't understand why you would have fed from someone else.

You explain to him that you hadnt fed in a few days and you needed to. You tell him that you did come to check if he was available but you could see he wasnt so you went to find someone else. This only makes him cuddle closer and apologise for not being there, telling you that you could have stayed in his room until he returned. He even offers you a key so you can get in easier.

You try to tell him that he doesn't need to do that because you can always find someone else, but this only makes him sit up from you again and seem upset. You have coax it out of him, but he eventually explains that he really likes when you feed from him and he doesn't like the idea of you doing that with anyone else.

You chuckle and bring him closer, asking him if he wants to be the only one you feed from and he nods. You try to explain why that wouldnt work, why he shouldn't be offering you that much because it could weaken him, he just tells you that he doesn't need to be strong because he has a vampire to protect him.

Which... you can't really argue with that.

[emmyrosee]

HEYY IM SORRY I DIDNT SEE THE CHARACTER OF YOUR CHOICE PART BUT I WOULD LOVE

53. Take off your shirt

34. Hugging while grabbing butt

With SUNAAAA❤️❤️

AHHHH THIS IS SO CUTE🥹💖

tw// butt grabbing. Ending of the post got a little suggestive, so this is your suggestive content tw

-

Arguably, this is when Suna thinks you look best.

Dopey in your own love for him, gazing at him like he’d sewn the stars in the sky by hand for you. It’s been a long day, a day filled with arcade games and picnics and Polaroid pictures to mark it all; a day out of a shitty, yet craveable romance movie, a date you haven’t been able to have since he started playing for EJP.

But now that you’ve had a day all to yourselves, it’s a mystery how you two could go any length of time without each other.

Even now, clad in his shirt and sleep shorts, pinned between himself and the countertop, your paws can barely keep off each other, a desperate dance over skin and muscle to keep each other as close as possible. You sneak kisses with each other as if to do this in secret, a matter of teasing, and god as if you two weren’t obsessed with each other enough, this has you in a spell that keeps you both in a heat.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he mumbles into your skin, sponging kisses over the delicate muscles of your throat. “Don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I love it…”

“Ew,” you tease, caught up in your own affection to come up with any other cheeky response. You nudge your nose with his and cradle his jaw with your hands, the hands he wants to hold forever, and he turns his head slightly to press a kiss to your palm. “Really got you to fall in love with me, didn’t I?”

As if the feeling isn’t mutual.

“You’ve completely ruined me,” he lies, hands traveling down to the curve of your ass before gripping softly, pulling back when you giggle into his mouth.

“Sorry,” you titter. “Tickled.”

“I cannot stand you,” he snorts, but he does grab the meat of your ass firmer, smirking at the soft purr slipping past your lips. “That better?”

“Much,” you assure. The hand cradling his cheeks drags down his body to tug at the loose collar of the tank top he was wearing. He cocks a brow curiously, but makes no moves to still your hands.

“Take off your shirt,” you whisper, teeth sinking into your lip cheekily.

“You take off your shirt,” he says, rolling his eyes at your demand. “What do you think this is?”

“I want to see your stupid, hot, dumb abs.” You tug at the collar again, and prompt it with a gentle bite to his lips. “Besides- don’t you want to take off my shirt for me?”

He grins, grabbing your thighs and tossing you onto the counter, relishing in the squeak you give him.

“Why didn’t you start with that?” He teases, slipping of his tank top and tossing it carelessly on the kitchen floor.

“Love tearing clothes off of you.”

[bingusbongu]

A/n: whoa!!!!! I didnt expect my sun and moon post to blow up in a day! Seriously yall- you guys are amazing- as a bew tumblr writer, it makes me really happy and want to continue! So, as a treat, i present to you......

SUN AND MOON IMAGINES!!!!!

May you enjoy your feast my children

IMAGINE you coming in early to work, clocking in just to see your favorite animatronic jester. You two were very close, and you found yourself wanting to spend more and more time with him

When you open the door to the daycare and call out to the jester, its almost immediate a response of 'SUNSHINE?!' and a happy 8ft tall robot sprinting towards you

He scoops you up into a hug, giggling and smiling with pure happiness, after you allowed Sun pick up hugs, he now picked you up every time you enter the daycare, and hugging you tightly, before letting lose and excitedly babbling how excited he is to see you, while not putting you back down on the ground. And you just listen to him list every idea he had for today and the little ones.

IMAGINE when the daycare opens, and the kids are playing and running around playing games and doing weird macaroni art. Sun couldnt keep his eyes off of you.

He would watch you tend to an argument that sparked between two kids and a toy. He would watch as you gently calm the situation down abd find a solution to make both kids happy. He dosnt even realize his rays spinning and his fans whirring until a kid points it out, and he is a flustered mess.

IMAGINE a kid walking up to you and Sun. You asked what the kid needed, and he just points up at Sun and flat out tells you that 'Mr Sun has a crush on you'

Sun becoming a stuttering mess as his fans kick in attempt to cool his system as he quickly tries to deny what the kid said, covering his mouth with his big robotic hand, as he giggles nervously

You couldnt help but giggle at the display of Sun frantically trying to get the kids from telling you that he had a huge crush on you. So, to make matters worse, you said 'oh i know, i like him too' before walking away to go deal with a macaroni art misshap

Sun standing there completely stunned as he watches you walk away. Feeling as if he completely had overheated, as his gears hummed loudly in his body and his sunrays spinning in an constamt speed

The kids wouldnt stop singing about Sun and You sitting in a tree

IMAGINE when naptime roles around, and the kids had grown tired of running around and teasing the poor daycare attendant. As they crawl into their little comfy cots in the napping corner, all snuggled into their blankets after you tucked each and one of them comfortably

as the lights flickered off, and the nightlights flickering on, Moon emerges ingo the corner with a hum. As he tries to settle the rest of the kids to bed, they beg him for a story. Moon, having no choice, grabs a childrens book from the little shelf they had and began to read to the kids

He would flip the book around so the kids could see the illustrations of the book while he reads out the words and acts out the voices, getting thekods laughing as they grow tired. Until the kids would start yawning and laying their heads down to rest

Lifting his head up from the book to make sure tge kids were okay, he noticed all of them sleeping peacfully. He was about to close the book, before he noticed you sitting infront of him with a gentle smile and your full attention on him, asking him to continue the book

He would stutter in suprise, preventing his voicebox from glitching as to not wake up the kids, and cleared his nonexistent throat to keep reading to you, looking up at you occasionally, just to see your face looking down at the book and moon. He couldn't help but feel his wires spark inside him every time you giggled at his hushed voices

IMAGINE Moon and you carefully leaving the naptime corner, so you two could talk without disturbing the little ones rest. In hushed voices, you both chat happily away while joking with one another

Moon absolutely adoring when he manages to get you to laugh at one of his stupid jokes. Admiring the smile on your face and how you grip your gut snd your other hand over your mouth to prevent yourself from laughing to hard and keeping yoursel quiet

IMAGINE you and Moon playing a game together ad you liked to do during naptime. A simple game of hide and seek where you go hide, and moon crawls around to try and find you. The fastest he ever found you was ubder 5 minutes, because he could sense your heart pounding

Regardless, you get better abd better each time. Memorizing the play structures each time you did, and how to distract moon by pushing stuff over as a distraction for you to move poditions. You learned to keep moving and not stay in ons area for two long

But no matter what, Moon will always find you in the end, adding another win to his win streak smile. And of course, he teases the heck out of you for being third place(because Sun likes to participate)

And Moon alway snatching you out of your hiding spot and dragging you somewhere else, and youre used to it so you dont fight it

IMAGINE Moon huffing when he realized soon he should wake the kids so you and Sun could get them ready to go home, but he hates having his time with you ended.

So instead, he will sit on the floor with you as you both waited on time. His head in your lap as you pet his metal forhead in soothing circles. You dudnt know if Moon could feel it, but you still did it anyway. And, just with your touch, it makes his purrs vibrate even louder if it wasnt already. With the biggest smug grin on his mechanical mouth

IMAGINE after the Kids are woken up gently by the two of you, helping them fold up their blankets abd cots to make it all nice so its one less thing the attendant has to worry about

Moon will always grumble about not being happy that Sun gets more tims with you, but you reasure him that you always stay for awhile befoe heading home to spend time with your favorite jests

But, just a minute before the lights going out, you pressed a soft peck of a kiss on the Moon mans lips, causing him to freeze and his gears stopping for a moment in stunned silence. Before Moon could say something ot ask for more, youre already helping a kid and the lights back on

IMAGINE as Sun gives the last child to their parents, a big smile on his face as usual as the parents thank him and turn to take their kid back home with smiles on their faces.

Sun would sigh happily as he watched the family leaving, feeling a strong pain in his chest. Whipping his head around to make sure you were still there witg them. And of course, you're cleaning off the arts and crafts table He smiled in relief at the sight of you desprately trying to get glitter glue off of the table.

Before you knew it, you had arms wrapped around your waist and pulling you into another pick-up hug. Pressing your back to his face as he giggled happily. Praising you with compliments about how you were today with the kids. And of course, when you compliment him back, he gets so goddy and excited, he squeals and just hugs you tighter

Before your words came back into his mind, making his hands fidget as he held you, becoming less tighter than usual. And you noticed, asking him what was on his mind. He tried playing it off but gave up when you gave him that look

He gets all stumbly and tries ro express his words, but it only comes out as gibberish. The wirring of his fans not even helping the situation one bit. Trying to figure out how to ask you to give him a kiss like you did Moon

And thankfully for you, you almost immediately caught on and smiled softly, finding Suns actions adorable, making you giggle. Having to put your hand up and cup Suns cheek to get him to stop rambling and get him to focus on you.

Once you had his attention, you lean forward and press a kiss to tip of Suns metal lips, just as you did moon

_____________

Waaaa hope you enjoyed!!!! Sorry for my grammatically errors, i may be an American, but im not great with that

Have a good day/night!!!!!

Sun+Moon: *lovesick idiots*

Y/N: *just an idiot*

[eithielk]

Modern!Zuko x Reader

Summary: Your best friend's brother is quite annoying, but it's okay cause hes cute

You and Azula had been friends for a while, only knowing little about her family, you thought she only had one sibling, Kiyi. But as her brother returns after 3 years of being away, you are left completely shocked.

Azula invited you to her house over the weekends, her excuse? She deserved it, of course, why should she need a reason

You've been her friend for over 3 years or so, you met with her friends around 9th grade, and ever since, you four have been inseparable.

Despite being friends for so long, you didn't know much about her family, only that her mother, wasnt really in the picture.

Also the fact that she had one other sibling. Kiyi.

She was so nice, and honestly a polar opposite of Azula. You thought Kiyi was her one and only sibling— or so you thought.

"We can watch that stupid show Ty lee has been gushing about and–"

Zuko sat on the couch and looked at the group, feeling awkward as they stared back at him.

Giving it a few more seconds before he spoke up, "Azula, you didn't tell me you had guests."

"Why should I tell you"

Earning a groan from the boy, who looked at you briefly before standing up and leaving.

"Dont mind him Y/N, hes always grumpy" Ty lee assured me, but that wasnt really what I was thinking right now.

"You have a brother?"

"Yeah, didnt I mention it" she replied too casually.

"No? Not really.." OF COURSE NOT WOMAN, you mentally cursed yourself, but knowing Azula, it was best not to cause such a scene

"I dont think its much of an issue, hes not really relevant."

"Hes also off limits" Ty lee jumped in, making sure to nudge on Mai's arm.

This action didnt go unnoticed by Azula, who then proceeded to recall childhood memories of them.

"Oh yeah, Mai's got a huge crush on him" she laughed, "Frankly I don't see the appeal."

"Remember when we were young and we had Zuko push her in the water" Ty lee jumped in.

"He didnt push me, you guys made him do that" Mai retorted in defence, a faint blush appearing on her face

"How it happened isn't important, you two looked so silly" Azula laughed.

Later that evening the four of you decided on a game of truth or dare, childish but a classic.

"Y/N, truth or dare."

"Dare duh!"

"I dare you to scare my brother" Azula replied almost too quickly, like she already knew what my choice was.

As you tiptoed across the house, going downstairs to find Zuko on the couch.

Crawling behind the chair, you waited for a moment to strike when–

"What are you doing"

A voice crept behind me as I turned to see Zuko hovering over me

"What– Ouch, the fuck?" You landed on your butt, wincing at the pain you didnt notice Zuko offer his hand to you

"Why are you hiding behind the couch?"

"Its a dare okay, I was suppose to scare you."

"It'll take more than that to scare me" Zuko replied laughing.

I took his arm and stood up, still recovering from that embarrassingly low fall.

"Did Azula put you up for this?"

"Maybe, why?"

Zuko scoffed crossing his arms, "Why are you even friends with her in the first place"

"Why are you so curious in the first place? Hm?"

"You know what– why did I even bother" he groaned about to turn walk away.

"Wait– Im sorry, I didnt mean to come off as rude, Im just curious you know."

"Right.. well whatever, moments passed go back to your friends now." Zuko waved his hand as he turned around

Jerk.

When it was time to go to sleep, everyone drifted off slowly, while you lied there, awake.

It was harder for you to fall asleep, especially since you had trouble sleeping in new places.

Deciding to go downstairs to grab yourself something to drink, opting for a glass of milk.

Turning your head, you meet with Zukos eyes staring back at you.

"I– fuck sorry, I didnt see you." I grab my chest, feeling scared by his sudden appearance.

Zuko nodded and moved past me

Feeling a bit awkward in you two standing in silence, you tried to break it.

You cleared your throat, "Sorry about earlier.. again... Azula didn't tell me she had a brother.."

"Figures, she just acts like I dont exist."

"Can I ask why?"

"Cant you just finish your milk?"

His comment made me roll my eyes, "You're her brother alright." I retort back quietly.

"What was that?"

"Nothing"

Your response was met with a glare, he definitely heard that.

[goatpaste]

Does valentine also changes in your au like scarlet? Does he do the same bad actions to Lucy like in canon or does hot pants fight him and save Lucy similar to when she prevented scarlet from doing things to Lucy like in your au?

so ye no, iv gutted that part out as well. FV is just evil as a campy ass nationalistic president. He was fine with being over the top cartoon American president evil he didnt need the layer of being a rapist and pedophile to lucy

I think most of that initial Tublar Bell shit goes about the same, Lucy sneaking into FV room to find the corpse part, disguising herself as Scarlet, putting FV to sleep, and then getting caught by Tubular Bells.

And while iv removed Scarlet being a creep to Lucy, I still like the idea of her being a crazy ride or die motherfucker for her powerful president husband. So between Scarlet realizing whats going on and Tubular Bell attack, Hot Pants jumps to the rescue for Lucy

But at the end of the fight, when its time to run and HP is faced with the choice to get Lucy out of there, or leave the corpse parts behind. Its the first good choice Hot Pants has made in a very long time, the first unselfish choice. She Saves Lucy and leave the corpse parts behind taking only her spine part (and unknowing to either Lucy or Hot Pants, the heart of the corpse that she got when Mountain Tim died)

From here on out, Lucy is traveling with Hot Pants and Diego. In my mind the rewrite leads to them falling into enemies different (and as well as me inserting another stand user or two of my own hehe)

One of the Bigger changes for them, is that it is Diego, Hot Pants and Lucy who run into Civil War fight instead of Johnny and Gyro. as well as editing the stand from just things you've through away but regrets and fears your holding on to.

Iv envisioned this scene where Lucy has either been told to wait outside or been set into a 'safe spot' by hot pants as their trying to track down a stand user. Diego and HP have both split up to search the building, until Hot pants feels a weird sensation, its getting harder to breath. She falls to the ground gasping for air, and looks to relize whats happening. her brother is attached to her, her greatest regret the source of her guilt is hanging onto her. Looking into the broken mirror shards still stood loosely in its frame in front of her, she swears her reflection is that of the bear who ate her brother looking back at her.

She needs to find Diego, this stand attack is taking the things you've thrown away, the things that weigh you down and make you scared. And if theres anyone who never feels remorse for anything he's done, it would be Diego Brando.

However she crawls to find him in a back room on the floor shaking and blubbering, he looks wet like he's been drowning and she's tightly gripped in his hands is an old dirty blue dress of a woman. Diego is crying for his mother and cannot move.

They think to call Lucy for help with her Stand Tiny Butterfly, but she's too far from them to make it. They cant keep running to this kid, they have to face this themselves.

[romanarose]

Life update if anyone cares.

I only post this bc i was posting my depressing shit for months and a lot of people were reaching out in concern <3

cw sever depression, self harm, suicide, csa, SA, all the bad. but also lots of good <3

TLDR: Despite a god-awful semester, i got all a's and b's

Everyone thats been following me the last few months has seem my personal posts about how fucking awful things have been for me.

I've dealt with fact I can no longer deny that what happened to me was CSA, despite being on a milder side of things. That sparked an absolutely spiral. I didnt sleep for months which made things worse. School, I got an F on a midterm and i NEVER get F's on writing assignments.

Work had its complications and i quit and then rescinded that quit two days later. I was so constantly depressed in my dorm my roommate literally told me i needed to go to the basketball game with them bc i was sitting in a depression hovel none stop. I only went to services twice this whole time, one shabbat and once for Rosh Hoshannah.

I burned the ever living fuck out of my fingers, yall remember that one? lol.

In novemeber i had relapsed so severely on self harm i thought i had accidentally killed myself. I should've called 911. I thought I was bleeding out and/or going into shock. I then worked myself up more by going down pages of the internet about medical shook and people dying from it. that did not help my heart rate. I couldn't stand, I couldnt see straight for a while.

I could not afford an ambulance or a hospital stay as i am uninsured and only ork 25 hours a week. not a lot of money.

All this happened and I didn't miss work. This is not a brag, this is me not being able to makegood choices for myself.

Finally, thanksgiving break hit. Thank fucking god. I WANTED to use those 4 days of absolutely nothing to get to my TWO BIG RESEARCH PAPERS I HADNT STRTED YET but alas, I was SICK. I was so sick, in fact, and so hoped up on cough medicine for 3 days i was incomprehensible.

I was so physically ill, i couldnt even think about how mentally ill i was. I slept and slept and slept. And by the time sunday hit, I felt so recharged.

My failed midterm was so bad and so not me my professsor reached out to me. Im close with him (in a v appropriate way lol, hes a bruce springsteen fan too) and i felt comfortable telling him essentially that for a few months there things were severe, and I really should've gone in for a 72 hour hold multiple times and i was not safe. through a few lines of resources, I ended up back in therapy bc my school added a new therapist that is a woman (i stopped going last year bc i didnt like seeing a man)

I like my new therapist.

Anway, in about 2 weeks I wrote 2 12 page research papers, 2 book report papers, 1 science paper did 2 presentations, took 2 finals, wrote 2 more finals with essay questions, and at the end of it all, not only did I not fail any classes...

I GOT ALL A'S AND B'S! Which means my gpa is still high enough to renew my scholarship for my last year

I am so fucking proud of myself for accomplishing all this despite suffering so fucking badly. I havnt felt pain like that in years, just agony.

I had a down turn again over christmas bc my siblings were literally ass, upto and including making fun of me for not ating (i am multiple accounts of sexual trauma from several people, so im scared of dating), making fun of my eating, and my sister slapping me and my older brother hitting me. Was a bad time. But for right now, im in the place im staying for break (all january) im back at my old day care and they love me, and olive garden at this store has been going great

Im hoping next semester to be better, im hopful at least

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has supported my writing has supported me through these times. It makes me happy that i came her to share my silly little moon knight x reader series, not really intending on writing a whole lot, but next thing i know, i have friends and a lil community. so thank you <3

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ofmd s2e2 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

not quite a reaction post, not quite a liveblog. this post is gonna be unpolished and messy bc this is the only way i know to process my emotions abt these episodes enough that i can actually start talking coherently about them.

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

did not notice the first time around that buttons is sleeping with his legs sticking up resting against the side of the ship. king.

WHY DID THEY USE A DIFFERENT TAKE OF THE YOU WEAR FINE THINGS WELL SCENE WHAT PURPOSE DOES THIS SERVE. THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR DAYS.

oh god the face stede makes after he breathes out all wistfully is so pained... ogughuhg heartbreak......

why is the groom cake topper dirty ed were you kissing it. ed. edward.

hNNNG ed pushing the painted bride figurine closer..... im gonna throw up

ed!! rolling over and crying!!! TAIKA HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AT LOOKING SO FUCKING SAD THIS SHIT HURTS ME

like i can literally feel the tears burning in his eyes. the way his chest starts shaking with sobs but he's managing to keep the sobs in for like one more second. he's trying so hard to hold it in and i've cried like this before and it physically HURTS

also oughg the song. run from me baby... run my good wife... run from me baby..... you better run for your life........ ED THINKS THAT'S WHAT STEDE DID!!! RAN AWAY FROM HIM!!!!! and he thinks that was stede running for his life bc like, he thinks he's inherently monstrous and unlovable and hnnnnnnnnngggg. ed teach go to therapy challenge.

the crew responding to zheng's wake-up bell is so relatable. me when my alarm goes off at 6am

ok so the running bit where stede's crew has never heard of China before. is kinda weird to me. and honestly it kinda runs back to what zheng said in the last episode "one thing i've learned in my time here: you people know so little" about nobody knowing how valuable indigo is. like the show is portraying your average caribbean pirate as really ignorant and only like, ed stede and fucking ricky are on par with zheng yi sao. and i mean knowledge doesnt equate to intelligence so like the indigo thing i didnt really bat an eye at but when it was played for comedy with olu not knowing how to pronounce china i was like... hm. but the season's just started so maybe im reading too much into it but idk. it's a weird writing choice to me.

loving how at the start of last season the crew almost mutinied bc stede was a soft captain but now roach is out here embracing how all of them are "tender as hell."

love how lucius and pete have their romantic reunion chat just. fully in front of an audience

stede looks. so upset. watching lupete kiss. this man misses his boyfriend so fucking bad

lucius not even trying to hide how much he Does Not want to be stuck with stede in towels

also hi the sky in this scene is so pink. it was blue when buttons was doing tai chi so i guess this is sunset. day one complete.

buttons confirmed sea witch one of the best scenes in s2 so far. intrigued by auntie saying "i have looked for you far and wide" like are there other sea witches and auntie only wanted buttons?? or is buttons literally the only sea witch in the world. i want the lore.

ed. eddie eddie edward. ed my beloved babygirl. i would fuckinggg die for you

ok but also there is literally no way frenchie didnt see ed when he walked in like ed is standing Right There. i love when directors do stuff like this tho it's so funny to me. "ok joel just walk in there and pretend like you dont see taika standing literally right in front of you"

just noticed ed was polishing the handle to the wardrobe (the main wardrobe) right there. he's tidying up. getting his affairs in order before he— *i break down into inconsolable sobbing*

i wont like tho it was very funny to me when we finally got this full scene and ed's "and no more stede" turned out to be "no more izzy." very fun for me

god i LOVE when we get pirate code shit. none of these rules ever make sense it's always just whatever works for the plot's sake. "that's the code of the sea: the new first mate always kills the old first mate. it's always been like that" i don't think it was literally ever like that i think the writers decided that making up this bullshit rule would add drama to the situation. it's like how pirates can win duels by rendering their opponent's sword inoperable (as if pirates ever had like ritualistic duels). or next episode when zheng yi sao is gonna kill them for mutinying against ed. i love how all the logistics of the plot are always some handwavy-bullshit bc the show just Does Not Care about this shit. this is the ed and stede show and everything else is just superfluous set dressing

we were all fixated on lucius living in the walls none of us predicted that it could be izzy living in the walls

"start with his leg see where it goes" frenchie what does this MEAN

archie thinking jim was asking which leg to cut off and just. answering the question genuinely. is so fucking real lmao me too girl

JIM PUTTING THEIR HAND OVER ARCHIE'S TO BRACE THEMSELF BEFORE THEY START CUTTING INTO IZZY'S LEG... the romances on this show are unparalleled

archie when izzy's leg starts gushing: aye yai yai!

stede telling everyone in laundry abt his whole romance with blackbeard. and stede telling zheng and auntie abt blackbeard when he thought they were just soup sellers. you KNOW stede's been telling literally everyone he meets abt how he's looking for his beloved ed.

lol ok but cuba was not written on the map in the one shot and then stede says "oh, hang on, he might be in cuba!" and it cuts back to the map and he underlines the word "cuba" which somehow mysteriously appeared on the map while stede was chatting. 10/10 no notes

also GOD do i relate to stede so hard sometimes. it did not even occur to stede to ask lucius how he's been until lucius points it out and then he's like "oh! right! how are you??" and he does genuinely care but he was just so absorbed in his own shit it did not occur to him to ask. like. ohhhh baby does that hit home

LUCIUS DRAMATICALLY PAUSING IN THE DOORWAY WHEN STEDE TELLS HIM TO WAIT. HIS HANDS ON EITHER SIDE OF THE DOOR AND HIS HEAD BENT. THIS FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN I LOVE HIM!!!!

LLOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER "oh, yeah. now you care?" AND THNE SHAKING HIS HEAD AS HE WALKS AWAY god i LOVE this soap opera

ok but buttons looks very confused when auntie says "i see you've adopted the humble form of a man" and then she hands him the book abt shapeshifting. like did she know that he doesnt know how to change form or what.

auntie asks buttons to bless their travels. anyway this is how stede somehow didnt get everyone killed in e1 despite the fact that they were at sea for a few months and he had no idea what the fuck he was doing.

LOVE auntie's little... yell? whimper?? before shuffling away nervously. incredible performance.

also the spellbook thing is in chinese. pretty cool how buttons knows how to read chinese.

ed jumpscare 2!

frenchie's "fire away. not literally, i hope" I MISSED THAT THE FIRST TIME KJSGHKFJDGHJHK WHAT A GREAT FUCKING LINE

love how irl frenchie using the wrong hand for that throat-slitting pantomime would be unimportant but the show acts like that's something that could actually give frenchie away bc they need to really nail home the fact that Ed Is A Fucking Genius

another thing ed is: INCREDIBLY HOT. he is being intimidating and evil to frenchie rn and i am very very into it.

obsessed with archie casually picking some random gore off her hand

also obsessed with how jim is just poking at izzy's leg. they learned how to butcher animals as a kid tho so i guess they're not really grossed out by severed body parts lmaoo

also also obsessed with how izzy would absolutely have not survived this at all. i love this show

list part 2:

ok im sorry but "he's our dick" does not feel earned to me. like they use that fantastic shot of the whole crew in episode 6 last season but what's crucial abt that shot is izzy isn't hanging out with the crew. he's sitting away in the corner monologuing abt how he thinks maybe ed might not want to kill stede.

i do think it's significant tho that jim wasn't there for izzy at his worst aka threatening to withhold rations for laughing at him. like they weren't part of the vote to mutiny against izzy. but frenchie was and frenchie was like "start with his leg see where it goes" which does not seem like he's really that invested in keeping izzy alive.

also it's weird how we don't see fang at all for this bit with hiding izzy in the walls. like he would be the one i'd expect to have the strongest connection to izzy bc he knew izzy before the show started and he was hugging and comforting izzy last episode.

anyway imo jim keeping izzy alive is more abt them missing when they were on the ship with olu and the whole crew and the ship was like a family, not necessarily abt feeling loyalty to izzy specifically. i could be wrong tho who knows.

one thing i do know is that it is VERY important to point out how jim is struggling really hard with everything, archie is not. she wasnt there for the co-captaining era at all and she seems to be rolling with everything like it's all expected. this includes the wedding raid and ed pointing a gun at her last season and stuff. even now she's mostly just confused by why jim is bothering to try and keep izzy alive. but she acts like the amputation and the violence are all what she expected.

yay kissing!! with the shit stuffed up their nose and covered in blood and jim still holding the leg GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW

hnng when archie says "you have... hope" jim's jaw tenses and they visibly swallow after the word "hope." god jim is going through it

"the wooden demon boy that thirsted for life" god i love this game of telephone that the show is playing with pinocchio it's so fucking funny

archie definitely still says a few syllables after "no i was cleaning up blood" while jim was leaning in for another kiss but none of it forms a coherent word. relatable.

ed's "ohhhhohoho. ohoho" is so funny to me. this man is so jealous that other people are getting to kiss ppl they like but not him.

hm archie and jim are not actually kissing when we cut to the shot of ed standing in the stairwell. i imagine this is an editing goof or something

jim and archie pulling away like two kids who got caught kissing under the bleachers during gym class or something. incredible. one of jim's nose plug rags is mysteriously missing now. i think archie ate it.

ed shushing frenchie. nothing to say here but "i need him carnally"

"take the fuckin leg" ed does NOT like mess!!!

"he was your friend" well jim. he might have been ed's friend. but he had a very strange way of showing it.

why does it sound like ed has spurs on his boots

OLU IS SO CUTE I CANT BLAME ZHENG FOR BEING LIKE "you're doing so good at filing thanks so much!!" WHEN HE'S ACTIVELY FUCKING EVERYTHING UP

also. i want to know about auntie's filing system. ahead of it's time, you say?? tell me more. hi my name is jess and i love sorting things

ah yeah olu mispronouncing china moment

olu and zheng are cute tho ngl

roach is having an orgasmic experience drinking soup. very relatable.

love that stede called the broth "insane" like fics so often get stede's voice wrong bc he will randomly say casual slang in a way that contradicts his general s1 vibe of stuffy frilly rich guy. but he's more like your average dad whose general grammar when speaking is pretty outdated but he's also trying to use slang to fit in with his kids

oh god stede is trying so hard with lucius it is giving SUCH awkward dad vibes. "when i was young and edgy" and "mr. cool" STEEEEDE

"my spicy little rat boy" im so sad that lucius hates that pet name bc this is the funniest thing black pete's ever said

aw nooooo the way pete jumps when lucius yells at him :(:(:(

yo wee john has like a wristband with all these sewing needles and shit stuck on it that's such a cool costume detail

the first thing izzy says after waking up is "my leg" and in my head im hearing it in the spongebob meme voice

first: very funny how ed responds "yeah!" like, laughing about the whole. amputation thing. and then secondly i am obsessed with "up in Leg Heaven" he is so fucking quirky. i love him.

"have you come to take the other one" yeah you'd probably enjoy that huh izzy.

love ed's dangly earring. gender.

smthng abt how izzy is instantly exhausted and dismissive when ed tells izzy to take the gun vs how ed was also bored and dismissive when izzy said "i have love for you." idk if there's anything there im just making tenuous connections in my head rn

help. ed clenching his fists when he's standing with his back to izzy. he really wants izzy to do it but also even deeper than that he really doesn't he wants to live

izzy starts to laugh the same way he started to cry last episode with like a really loud sudden gasp of air. also he laughs so weirdly jesus christ

also jesus this is so fucking dark. i mean obviously but im fucking reeling right now from ed trying to get izzy to kill him and izzy's response is just "do it yourself you fucking pussy." fuck.

more thoughts on this scene here

"i loved you... best i could" i actually dont have a lot of thoughts abt this at all aside from it just seems like a weird thing for ed to say. idk. i have a few metas abt this saved that ive been meaning to read so maybe that will help me deconstruct this but i think i'd need more time to figure out why this line feels weird to me. it could literally just be that i dont like blackhands at all but idk. probably not gonna unpack my feelings for a while tho bc in terms of everything i want to dig into from these 3 episodes alone this is at the bottom of that list lol

love how ed tells frenchie "go live" right before he steers them into a storm and tries to doom everyone on the ship.

"two messed-up kids probably" i know this is one of those things that some viewers are just always gonna have a problem with but it's so fucking funny to me how stede is like. never seeing his children again. and is like "yeah they're probably traumatized by how i was a bad father. well that's for mary and doug to deal with!"

lucius winking when he calls stede quite the fuck-up. i love this snarky gay

anyway for how fucked up the vibe is on ed's ship at least they weren't playing human puppet or making people catch rats with their teeth

shit this is longer than the last post. anyway list part 3:

ok i completely forgot abt this scene where the crew back on the Revenge is talking in the hallway before they go confront ed but i think it's rlly interesting how jim is the only one who says anything abt how ed's sudden cheery mood is NOT a good thing. fang is like "do we think he's better?" and jim's like "fuck no!" and frenchie's like "idk he seemed pretty calm to me." like this is so fucking juicy to me. jim knew this wasn't "better." i think this is because jim kinda gets it. they know what it's like to be told you're only meant for violence. and they know what it's like to want something softer. last season i probably wouldnt have said jim understood ed's suicidal tendencies but the way jim KNOWS that this isnt better makes me wonder if they understand this, too.

altho when they go outside and ed is like "it's a bad storm! and i took the wheel! and im gonna fire into the mast! we're all gonna die!!" jim yells "what do you want, you piece of shit!" (in spanish) so maybe they dont get the suicide bit of it. but they did understand that ed wasn't better.

oh ed's voice in "what do i want?" is so whiny and sad. babygirl is fucking going through it. good thing the rain is hiding his tears ahaha. ha.

"all love dies im just hastening the process" objectively this is fucked up but also it is so funny to me that he's like "i got dumped so now nobody else is allowed to be happy and in love." he broke up all the couples at the end of s1 and he raided a fucking wedding. babygirl i love you. you are so unwell

VERY RANDOM THOUGHT and i would have to go back to last episode double check but i dont think any of the background crew are women?? it's just archie??? which kinda bums me out a bit like i dont only want female rep in the main cast i want to see random background women too. i could be entirely wrong abt this tho just in this scene i only see dudes in the background

anyway archie being like "alright i guess we're fighting" bc this is archie's normal. archie is just kinda resigned to her life being shit.

stede crossing out "dead" and circling "alive" is so fucking funny to me hfjkhdjvgdfjk like. manifesting.

but also he does kinda manifest that in the next episode doesnt he?? he loves ed back to life ahaha oh god oh fuck *starts sobbing*

"looks like he's gotten back into arson" okay and??? wee john's an arson enthusiast also, cmon lucius dont judge a man for his hobbies

stede's fucking face when he considers what lucius said abt "maybe his time with you is the best it's gonna get for him" like i think he tries to think abt it and just. cant. he cant fucking accept that. god im gonna throw up.

HNNNNG THE RUN FROM ME SONG COMING BACK IM GONNA LOSE MY SHIT

i cant get over how archie is like. yeah bro it's fine. it's cool just kill me im not gonna hold it against you.

jim's like "YOU WERE GONNA DO IT ANYWAY!!" and ed's like "teehee yeah :3 u got me"

oh bro some of the random background crew people just fully go overboard huh. damn. rip those guys.

ok so im choosing to believe that izzy fired a lucky shot there bc the man couldn't even shoot himself point blank in the skull but im supposed to believe that he got ed right in the arm from the other side of the deck in the middle of a crazy storm and the ship rocking like crazy and izzy's probably suffering from like, insane amounts of blood loss?? i dont buy it. i mean it doesnt matter at all but i think he was trying to hit ed's general torso area and if ed didnt have his arm held out izzy would've missed. like i said tho this makes no fucking difference. it's just a fun little headcanon hehe

love how ed laughs like an absolute maniac here. babygirl u are so unhinged.

wait it's fucking wild how in the middle of all this we to cut to auntie putting the map back together and then we see that zheng is bringing her fleet over land. anyway this is foreshadowing obviously but like considering the song choice and cutting this between ed's suicide attempt and then the crew mutinying. is a choice. and idk why they made that choice yet.

it is a pretty dramatic reveal tho. i didnt appreciate that the first time but holy shit. she's just pulling her ships all the way to the caribbean. girlboss.

and then the mutiny. the relief on ed's face hurts me so fucking much

other thoughs about this scene here

HOLY SHIT THIS POST CREDITS SCENE AHHHHHH

so first of all. auntie saying olu can be allowed to clean up random hairs around the desk and zheng being like "there's not that much hair" girl you know you're lying. her hair is so long and so gorgeous and you KNOW random strands end up making scary-ass hair spiders if somebody doesn't regularly sweep things up

second of all: olu pretending there's a carrier bird with a messege for zeng to give her a break is SO CUTE. OLU. OLU YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART.

[gaybd1]

This is a big ask so don't feel like you have to, but would you be interested in pitching some summaries of the fics you have up on Ao3? I know there are summaries up there, but I like the casual way you have with words and you say fuck a lot and I dunno yeah

omg this is so funny bc i know the exact way with words you're talking about and of course im not gonna pass up a chance to promote my own work hehe YOU GOT IT!

i have 20 atla fics so I'm going to recommend them in order of... least to most kudos??? to try to trick people into reading more of my stuff? lol idk

I'm 99% sure all of these are Zukka fics...

The Last Five Years - ok actually this is a bad place to start bc i don't think im gonna finish it. it just really didn't take off but um its a The Last Five Years AU with really fucking sad Divorced Zukka

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Cry - this is i think my newest one, it has trans zukka and it's a bit angsty with a fake death but i also think it's kind of fun. it's the idea trans people have of ''who's going to care if my family puts the wrong name on my gravestone?" but there IS a happy ending

A Problem Halved is a Problem Shared - im gonna be honest i dont fucking remember writing this one lol but it says dialogue-only and it WILL be angsty bc it is about zuko and sokka dealing with different issues they have

One Last Time (and its sequel The End of All Things) - Actually OLT is definitely one of my faves I ever wrote. It's my canon-compliant take on um... *cough* Sokka's death, referenced in Korra. It's SO angsty but it has one of the most visceral scenes I've ever written and I DID cry writing this. TEoAT is the happy ending Divorced Zukka deserved with bonus Iroh but you WILL cry reading that too. BUT i cant fucking recommend these ones enough!!!!

If I fade away (the awful things we do to make the head go quiet) - VERY dead dove. trans zuko needs to pay a MASSIVE price to get home to the Fire Nation after Ba Sing Se, and it's not his choice at all. I love this but READ WITH CAUTION

In Which Sokka is Supportive Ally Boyfriend Goals - I am dead serious i like dont remember this one at all but i know it has trans zuko!

Nourishing the Flame Within - not the best written tbhtbh BUT it does have two very important Zukos in it that I hold to be universally true: trans zuko and eating disorder zuko

bad idea right? - okay this is DEF one of my faves lol its about divorced zukka but they just cant stop messing things up and sleeping with each other even though theyre not together anymore lolol

Keeping it in the Family - lmao OKAY SO this is the ONE version of zukka that im like 'ok all u z*tara folks, maybe zuko WAS with her and it obvs didnt work' and then he hooks up with sokka instead and its GREAT but oops now we have Family Drama

Scars of Trust - bro im not gonna like i barely remember writing this one but i remember I LOVE IT and it's about sokka who has been dating zuko a while but he finally learns that zuko is trans? its great

Playing the Long Game - eh, i don't love it, but I'd say it's worth a read. it was my first longer fic in the fandom. it DOES have a great Zukki evolution though if you're into that, and a nice mystery!! Also some whump and angst bc of course

Keeping Score - I liked this one! It's just little snippets of times Sokka has survived assassination attempts, because we always hear about it happening to Zuko, but Sokka gets them too. Angst obviously

It Was Cruel and It Was Wrong - wow, a dead dove fic, yes. It's basically like "If I'm Joo Lee and you're Joo Lee, then who's flying the bison?" Yeah so Sokka and Zuko are both brainwashed by the Dai Lee and Suffering but be careful because this gets DARK

Mother - Izumi has two dads but she feels bad she doesn't have a mom. But guess what, her dads don't have moms either!! She's very happy to find that out! Wow Izumi, way to have some sympathy.

Impact - It's about Zuko taking a longer time to recover from an assassination attempt than he'd want, and Sokka being loving and patient with him! I wrote this when I had a bad concussion for like three weeks and so it's pretty like. Medically accurate lol

Scratchy - Short and sweet. I don't remember this one much but I know that it is fluffy and involves turtle ducks!

Hidden Pain, Shared Love - Another short and fluffy one. It's about the first time Zuko sees that Sokka has problems with his leg sometimes?

Zuko and Sokka Get Engaged in the Most Zukka Way Possible - okay i actually really love this one because it's on brand and cute and also i made it fucking angsty because oF COURSE

Zuko Amongst the Dragons - yes so what if zuko was raised by dragons and met the gaang but he was super feral? and what if shenanigans ensued? AND what if sokka and zuko fell in love anyway????

[nani-nonny]

Obligatory Attached au angst post (1149 words)

(This post goes in hand with this past post, although chronologically I’m not sure which goes first hehe it works both ways I suppose :D)

[Prompt: Mention of Raph’s death :( and Leo’s horrible way of coping until he snaps]

Donnie walks into Leo’s room, not bothering to flick the lights on. He stops three steps in, his eyes softening upon seeing Leo standing at a table, bracing the edge like his life depends on it. His brother’s head hangs low, staring at the ground.

With another look, Donnie notices Raph’s red bandana in Leo’s hand. The fabric is crumpled in the slider’s vice grip, the tails hanging enough for Donnie to see the stains trapped in the cloth.

Donnie clears his throat, raising his arm to pull up a hologram of a timetable from his tech-arm brace. “Greetings, brooding leader of the resistance, we have a meeting in the next 30 minutes. People have been wondering where you’ve been.”

Leo doesn’t respond, but his hands grip tighter to the table causing the material to groan under the pressure.

Donnie looks around awkwardly for a second, uncertain with what to do in his current situation. He tries to make small talk, “I’ve noticed you haven’t marked off on the roster for the past three days. Have you gotten your much needed beauty sleep as of late?”

Leo turns his head away from Donnie’s direction. His shoulders tense and he takes a deep breath.

Donnie takes a few more steps in, causing the door to close to automatically close behind him. He still doesn’t turn on the lights, but he flicks on a soft glow from his arm brace. It illuminates the room with a purple glow, barely revealing Leo’s disturbed features in the dark.

The softshell frowns when he sees the dark circles under Leo’s eyes. He had heard from Mikey that Leo was showing concerning declination in health, especially in the form of lack of sleep. He was too busy to check in on Leo, taking over for Leo when necessary and organizing just about everything when it comes to running the resistance behind the scenes. And now, he regrets not taking even a mere second to check on his twin.

He hadn’t seen Leo since his twin declared he’d make the decision on what to do with the infant. But he didn’t think it would prove difficult to this extent. Or, perhaps he had hoped it wouldn’t be difficult for his twin who always managed to come up with a plan. Maybe he believed Leo would make the right choice, and they would move on from the krang infant like an everyday occurrence.

It was a simple decision in Donnie’s eyes, or as simple as it seemed for Leo to make. He trusts Leo would make the right decision. He didnt think it would affect Leo.

“Is it… is it about the infant?”

Leo clenches his teeth. He nods.

Donnie can see the frustration in Leo’s expression, it was deep and churning. An expression even he would be able to discern. “You don’t have to make the decision on your own, do you want to talk to me about it?”

Donnie’s eyes flick to the red bandana in Leo’s hand again, and adds, “Do you want to talk to Raph about it?”

Leo’s mouth twitches open, but nothing comes out. Donnie sees this as an opportunity.

“Why don’t you talk to Raph about it? I’m sure he’d love to talk to you. Mikey can even set up the whole ‘ghost ceremony’ for you so it’s easier to contact the fam’. You know, as ridiculous as it is to think about. Raph’ll know what to do, Leo. You know Raph, he’s dependable on hero decisions. Come on, let’s go to Mikey and we can figure this out together.”

“No.”

Donnie frowns, “What?”

“I’m not, I’m not going to Raph. I’m doing this on my own.”

Donnie crosses his arms over his chest, “Oh, really? You seem to be doing a real good job so far.”

“Shut up,” Leo grumbles and leans on the table slightly.

“Enough of this, one-man hero spiel Leonardo. Let’s just go to Mikey and get this over with. Raph won’t be mad that we’re bugging him—.”

Leo slams his fist on the table suddenly, his demeanor snapping and his voice raising to something akin to a roar, “I’m not taking this to Raph’s ghost!”

Donnie pauses in disbelief. Near shock, even, at the change in Leo’s voice. “Wha—you know it’s not really his ghost, right?”

Leo slams his fist, this time the hand holding Raph’s bandana. His mouth quivers as he yells, “I know, it’s not Raph’s ghost. I know that. But that’s not what I need! I need Raph. I need to talk to Raph, here! —in the now, —in the flesh! I need my brother, not his ghost! I need him!”

Leo swallows, shutting his eyes tight and he raises his fist again, but he slowly lowers to the table. His voice is strained, strangled somehow, “I don’t want to talk to Raph through the Hamato ninpo. I don’t want to take this to Dad either. I just… I just want to talk to my big brother. I want to look him in the eyes, and I want to hear his voice. I want him to take Casey’s baby from my hands, and tell me exactly what we’re going to do with It.”

Donnie watches as Leo crumbles, mentally and physically, when his twin’s hands leave the table to hold Raph’s bandana. Crumbling to the floor as if holding onto that table was the only thing keeping him standing.

Leo holds the bandana to his chest as his voice comes out as nearly a whimper, “I want my brother alive… is that so bad? Even if I can contact him any time I want, I want him here with us. Not through some ghost connection we have with our ancestors… not as something I can’t even hug.”

Donnie doesn’t know what to say, or rather, he’s not sure how to say anything. How can he think of anything when Leo’s pleading desperately like a child? A small, small child who wants his big brother to tell him everything’s okay?

He always thought Leo was strong for taking up the responsibilities Raph had left behind in death. He thought Leo was strong for being able to move forward after Raph’s death. He saw Leo’s strong back and the confidence exuding from his twin and used it as his own strength to overcome their brother’s death.

But seeing Leo now? Small and curled over and trembling shoulders? Leo’s silent cries as he crumbles before him?

Donnie sits beside Leo and opens his arms. “Come here.”

Leo swallows and wipes his tears before turning to Donnie and hugging his twin. He buries his face in Donnie’s embrace as he continues to cry silently.

Donnie reaches over Leo’s shell to message Mikey, Get over here quickly. He sends his location immediately and returns to hugging his twin.

Mikey nearly breaks down the door ten seconds later.

[kentuckyfriedsatan]

We exist…

Summary: Part 2 of exploring Mountains asexuality (can totally be read as stand alone)

Mountain is the quiet type of ghoul, gentle and considerate. And normally there is no problem with that. But when he hears the others talking about sex he spirals. Because what good is a creature of sin and lust who doesn’t want to have sex?

OR

Mountain having an identity crisis and finding out that he is asexual, then having a crisis again, Aether always being there for him, lots of crying and cuddling ahead!

no smut, only kissing and cuddling tw: talk about sex (very brief in the beginning), self deprecating thought and self hatred

Read it below the cut!

“Oh come on like you and Cirrus didnt fuck on the kitchen table last week.” Dew retorts hitting the multi ghoul while laughing.

“Heyyy that was her idea and we all know you would do it without thinking about it too!”

“Okay you got me there, but at least I haven’t traumatised some poor siblings of sin when you were chasing Rain through the ministry to pin him to the next best wall.”

“Yeah but just because you were to focused on blowing Copia in the confessional.” Rain chimed in.

Everybody was laughing…well everybody except the quiet earth ghoul, who was slowly sinking into himself more and more as the conversation continued.

“Okay okay yes but I just love giving head.”

“Oh we all know that Dew.” Swiss laughed.

“Actually not everybody…” the fire ghoul said teasingly while looking towards Mountain.

On every other day, Mountain could just shrug it off and laugh awkwardly. But not today. He hasn’t been in the right headspace for a few days now, he knows that, but he can’t seem to escape his spiral of bad thoughts. He can’t take this right now.

He stands on wobbly legs.

“Excuse me.” And leaves.

“What the fuck just happened?” Dewdrop asks.

“No idea.” Swiss answers.

“He seemed off for the whole conversation, I just figured he was tired from working in the greenhouse all day.” Aether says while replaying the evening in his head.

“Was I to forward with my flirting? ”

“First of all, that’s terrible flirting and second of all, I thought you two were sleeping together for months now.” Rain comments.

“We aren’t actually, we kiss and make out, but it never goes further. He pushes me away and of course I don’t pressure him into anything but I just don’t understand…everybody likes sex! How can somebody not love it? But Rain surely you had the pleasure to sleep with Mount.”

“No I haven’t…and now that I think about it, probably nobody has ever slept with Mountain that we know of.”

“Sad…” Swiss sighs. “I would love to be fucked by him. We are creatures of sin, of lust! He doesn’t really behave like us at all.”

“Hey hey we don’t know what’s going on inside Mountains head and we can’t judge him for his decisions or feelings. If he doesn’t want to have sex with us, then that doesn’t make him less of a ghoul okay?” Aether clarifies.

“Yes of course Aeth, we don’t think less of him because of it at all. I just want to understand, know why he rejects us.” Rain says.

“Rain is right, it’s his choice and I respect it. Just some times I think that I’m just not sexy enough for him to want me like that.” Dew whispers self consciously. Swiss hugs the little fire ghoul and reassures him that he is sexy as hell.

“I actually remembered something a fan told me once just now, I’m gonna go check in on mount and talk to him.” Aether says while standing up and leaving to go to the earth ghouls room.

**********

“We are creatures of sin, of lust! He doesn’t really behave like us at all.”

That is all the confirmation Mountains brain needs. He is broken, fucked up. A sorry excuse for a ghoul. Not even the one thing that should come natural to him, lust, sex, he is able to do. He’s spiraling downhill pretty fast now, Swiss’ words just gave him the last kick.

Wiping away the tears that have fallen while standing and listening in to his packs conversation, the earth ghouls stormes to his room and burrows himself under copious amounts of blankets.

Suddenly there is a knock on the door. He doesn’t answer.

“Hey Mountain, it’s me Aether. Can I come in?

Still he doesn’t respond, he doesn’t want to face his pack just yet.

“Mount? You’re scaring me. I will come in okay?”

Mountain sniffles loudly and the quintessence ghoul can’t help himself any longer and enters the room full of concern. He doesn’t see the earth ghoul at first, only a big shaking lump under the blankets.

“Please go away before I disappoint you all even more than I already have.”

Aethers heart breaks at that.

“What are you talking about Mount? I’m not leaving you like this. You didn’t disappoint anybody. Is this about our conversation earlier?”

He hears Mountain begin to sob now.

“Hey, hey Mounty, is it okay if I join you on the bed?”

Mountain wants to scream at Aether, tell him to go away, to just leave him, but he can’t. He is exhausted and he craves comfort even though he doesn’t think he deserves it anymore.

So he just nods his head and in an instant Aether is beside him on the bed.

“Do you want to cuddle Mounty? I was here to talk with you about something but let’s get you calmed down first okay?”

The small nod the earth ghoul gives him is enough for Aether to climb under the millions of blankets and scoop the gentle giant into his arms.

Mountain tries to turn his head away from the quintessence ghoul, to not let him see his tear streaked face, even though he is sure the other ghoul knows he has been crying.

“It’s okay Mountain, you can cry, I will hold you through it, no judgement what so ever. You can trust me.”

And Mountain buries his face in Aethers neck and just cries and cries. All his feelings of the last days streaming out of him. Aether strokes his back and whispers quietly “It’s okay, let it all out. I have got you.”

After what feels like hours, the sobbing eventually quiets down and Aether looks down at the ghoul in his arms. He cried himself into exhaustion, now sleeping on his chest, face still buried in Aethers neck. He decides to let the earth ghoul sleep, knowing he didn’t get a lot of rest the past week. They will talk in the morning, for now he just strokes Mountains short hair, hoping to sooth him in his dreams. It hurts Aether so much to see the people he loves suffering, he hopes he can help his earth ghoul in the morning.

**********

Mountain slept better than he has in a long time, considering he cried himself to sleep. But the soft rise and fall of Aethers chest and his gentle hand in his hair were the comfort he needed. Like that he could pretend that somebody could actually love him and want to be with him romantically. Mountain isn’t a fool, he knows his wishes won’t become reality, but sometimes he just wants to, no needs to, pretend.

“Good morning sleepyhead.”

Aethers soft voice breaks him out of his trance like state.

“Morning.” He mumbles.

“How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know.” He says truthfully shaking his head. Mountain doesn’t know what he feels right now. He is grateful for Aethers comfort, but at the same time it hurts to know that it’s all not real.

“And that’s okay Mount. Would you like to talk?”

Glassy green eyes search his purple ones.

“I don’t know what there is to talk about?”

“Maybe about why you thought you disappointed us last night? I’m really worried about you when you say stuff like that you know?”

Mountain groans. “It’s nothing, just let it go.”

“I’m sorry I can’t do that with a good conscience. I care about you, hell, the whole pack cares deeply about you, and we want you to be okay. You can tell me what’s wrong. I won’t tell anybody if you like to keep it private, but please let me help you.” Aether pleads.

Mountain doesn’t answer for a long time, so Aether shoots his shot.

“It’s about sex, isn’t it?”

Mountain winces at that and curls away from the quintessence ghoul. Seems like Aether hit the nerve.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me Aeth. I’m a failure of a ghoul. I must be broken, I can’t explain it differently. You all talk about how great it is to have sex and that it’s normal to want it. But I don’t want it! I don’t want to have sex, ever. I’m not normal and now you all will never be with me romantically. I should just go back to the pit, I can’t take it. Do you know what it’s like to love somebody and know they will never love you back because of your fucked up brain?”

“Oh Mount, do you think you are unlovable because you don’t want to have sex?”

“Yes of course!” Mountain snaps. “Sex has such a high significance when it comes to romance. You all love sex. We are not compatible Aether. Don’t you understand? I’m not compatible with anyone.” The earth ghoul sobs.

“That is so not true Mountain.” Aether says with a serious voice. “You can’t just assume our feelings for you, you know? And who says that love without sex doesn’t exist? For me it surely exists. I love you. More than a friend, and we have never slept with each other. I love you romantically just like I love Dewdrop and Rain and the rest of the pack. And sure I have sex with them because we like it, but that doesn’t mean that our romantic relationships are worth more than what you and I have, understood? I don’t want to ever have sex with you if you don’t want to.”

Mountain looks up into Aethers purple eyes to find a lie there, but there is nothing but affection and love.

“I…I love you too Aeth! And I love my whole pack.”

The quintessence ghoul smiles brightly at his lover.

“There is something I wanted to tell you actually, something I learned from a human fan a while back. You have heard about the queer community right?”

Mountain nods, waiting for Aether to continue.

“There is something called Asexuality. It’s the lack of any sexual attraction. Asexual people may be disgusted with the idea of having sex, some just don’t care about it and others have it because it can feel good physically. There is a whole spectrum. We can read about it more in detail if you want. If you think that you might be asexual.”

“Asexuality?” Mountains asks in disbelief. “There are people like me out there?”

“Yes there are, love, you are not alone with this.”

Mountain hugs Aether hard and cries with relief.

“I can’t believe it!” He says between sobs. “I’m Asexual!… But what does that mean for our relationships? Just because you can love me without sex, doesn’t mean the others can.”

“Haven’t you noticed Mounty? I can’t speak for them but you have to be blind to not see that they all love you to death. And yes I can’t pretend that some of us don’t have a high sex drive, but that doesn’t interfere with the love we have for you and each other. When we want sex, we search for somebody who wants to have sex with us. And if that is never you Mountain, then that is totally okay and we still love you. You don’t have to feel pressured into anything. We can do all the romantic things that you are okay with. You set the boundaries here. Is holding hands okay? Is kissing okay? Making out? You get the drift.

I think you should definitely talk with everybody about this. Clarify your romantic feelings and your boundaries. You will see that romance and love don’t have to go hand in hand with sexual intimacy. We can be intimate with one another in different ways. ”

“Okay, that’s a lot to process…”

Aether nods understandingly.

“You don’t have to know everything just yet. Do this in your time. You decide when you want to come out to the pack and if you want my help with that. But for now what do you think about more cuddles?”

“I would really enjoy that.” Mountain says and they cuddle into each other, face to face.

“I really want to kiss you right now Aether. I’m just scared that I could send off the wrong message.”

“You won’t. I know how you feel now and sex is completely off the table for me unless you specifically ask for it okay? Can I kiss you now?”

Mountain nods excitedly and they crash their lips together.

There is still a lot to figure out, but right now he feels loved and understood. Mountain has a good feeling about this new chapter in their relationship. And for the first time since forever he has hope that he is worth being loved, even without sex.

[ladylovegood-69]

"The Sun and the Moon"

part3

_________________________

You and Rotxo were on a date. You havent had one in a while since the Sullys have arrived, both you being busy training Jakesully and Rotxo occasionally helping your siblings with the Sully kids.

So now you where in a cave in the water awey from the others sight. To get to the cave you got to ride ilu/tsurak for a few minutes then dive in, and there is a cave, on the outside it doesnt look much just like a regular rock. But when you enter its beautiful, i mean there are cristals, flowers and what not, and also thers air so thers no need for holding your breath. Its a secred place just for you and your lover.

You where sitting and stroking Rotxos hair that was on your lap just admiring his fitures and listening him blabering about something. This where your favorite moments, ofcourse you like every moment together, but these when your alone and just talking about anything without anyone around is just the best.

"I feel bad for making you weit." Rotxo said coming out as a wisper but you heard it. You where confused, weit for what."Weit for what Rotxo?" you asked " I know how much finding a mate means to you, and you could have chosen anybody. But you didnt, you chose me, you wanted to weit for me to do my iknimaya and be mated together, but i dont know how i will be able to acomplish that when im beraly a hunter. I feel usless. I can never be a good mate." he said trou tears, holding your hand that was on his head.

You where shoked, you never knew he felt this way, he was alweys just so positive and happy. You where mad at your self that you didnt see how he felt. As his lover you were supposed to make him feel loved and appreciated, but knowing he felt like a burden to you, and that he isnt enought for you broke your heart.

"Aw no Rotxo. Dont feel like that you will alweys be my choice, and i will weit for you as long as its needed." you said kissing his tears awey. "We are young Rotxo we have planty of time, you have planty of time. I know that one day we will mate before Eywa, you just have to belive yourself like i do. I see you. I love you sunshine." you finished as you put him on you lap holding him while he silence his craying.

"I see you ma Y/n. I love you." Rotxo said as he looked at you. "Thank you for beliving in me, and weit for me a little longer i will pass the iknimaya and we will mate, i promise." he countinude. There where still tears on his checks so you wiped them awey looking at him " I will alweys weit for you ma sunshine." you said as you pulled him in to a passionate kiss holding him tight.

He kissed you back getting as close to you as he can. The kiss was full of love. You placed your hand on his back tracing curcles as a way of comfrorting him, telling him that you will never let go of him.

As you two pulled back for air and alredy missing eacothers touch, you just looked at eachother with love and admiration. After a while you decited its time to head back, you still have duties, even tho you wanted to stay like this more.

As you standed up with Rotxo still holding on to you, realizing he was close to falling asleep, pobebly from all the craying but you didnt blame him, you holded him as you walked out of the cave and in the water calling your tsurak.

"Hold on a little while, you can sleep when we get to shore" you sighed to Rotxo, he just nodded back and put his head on your shoulder.

As your tsurak came you put Rotxo infront of you to make sure he doesnt fall as he leaned his head on your chest and you puting your hand around his weist to keep him still. You begin swiming to shore.

When you came to your destinacion you picked up Roxto and patted your tsurak and give him some meet thanking him. You started walking to Rotxos merui. As you where walking you felt no movement from Rotxo thinking that he was asleep alredy, he must been so tired.

As you came to his merui you saw his mother cooking. You showed your i see you sigh in respect and she did one back.

You put Roxto in his homack and kissed his forhead wispering a i love you.

Roxtos mother came to you after with food on a leaf. "Come have lunch with me, i dont want to spend it alone seing that Rotxo is asleep." she invated you and you happely accepted.

As you two were eating you complimented on her cooking saying how good it was, witch she said thank you happy for someone to compliment her.

"I am very happy that Roxto chose you." she started speaking and you just listend. "He is a very fragile boy and im very glad that you are here to protect and love him. I can see the love in his eyes and how his face brighten every time he sees you." she finished looking at you to se your respond. "I am too very happy that he chose me, me being more toughter then most females it is hard to find someone, so i am very happy. And dont worry i will protect your son with my life. I love your son more then anything." you said, and Rotxo moms seems very satisfaid with your responde as she nodded "Good, he is my only chiled and i tresure him i want whats best for him, and knowing that he got the future Olo'eyktna by his side i cant be more happier." she said smiling at you ,and you smiled back.

As you finished eating you helped her cleaning everything and thanked her for the meal as you left to do your duties.

As you were walking you heard something. You got worried and got closer to the noise.

You stoped as you saw whats going on. The Sully brothers, Aonung and his friends where fighting and Kiri was in the side yelling them to stop but you can see that she was indeed finding this amusing. Witch you didnt, you were mad. "Enought." you yelled.

Hearing your voice they ammediately stoped and looked your way. You cought Aonungs eyes, you where furies, and Aonung just looked down knowing that he is going to be scolded by you. He was more scared of you then his perents, you where way stricter when it comes to these situacion.

You turned and saw the Sully brothers get up with the help of there sister "I apolagise for Aonungs behavior, i will make sure this doesnt happen again." you said, glaring at Aonung and he just looked awey as he was standing up dusting the sand off himself.

"And i will talk to the perents of the others about what they did aswell. I again apolagise." you countinude as you looked at them again. The siblings just nodded there heads saying thank yous and started leaving, but Neteyam looked at you a linger longer, he was just so awed by you, you where so strong so mature and so respected, he wished he was just like you and he couldent lie he was jelouse that you only trained his father, he wanted you to train him too.

After they left you grabed Aonung by the back of his neck and draged him to yours merui as you shooed the other kids to go home. As you entered your merui unfortunately for him, your perents werent there. Tho it will be bad they found out of what he did he knew that if there were here they will try to calm you down and not be harsh as you usely are, but they werent here and thats what he feared.

"Ugh why did you do that Aonung, didnt i tell you to be kind to them to welcome them, they have beed trou enught and your here bullying them, how old are you 5!?" you scolded him staring down at him since you got him on his knees. He just looked down as well as his ears. He didnt like you scolding him or you getting mad at him, he looked up to you so much, as his big sister, as the future Olo'eyktna, you were everything to him.

"Couldent you be more like Tsireya, you are rebellious, you don't think straight." you said, you know that you are being a little over the top but you where just frastureted at him about his actions. That broke Aonungs heart, he doesnt like to be compered, and he knew you knew, but he knoes you dont mean it, you are just mad at him and he understand.

"What happend for you guys to start a fight?" you asked. He stayed quiet, he doesnt want to tell you knowing you will get more mad at him and he doesnt want that. "Aonung" you called him demanding a responde and thats when he gave you " I called them a bunch of freaks."

After a few seconds of you not responding he looked up at you and you had your eyes closed with you pinching your nose in iritation.

"You better go and apolagise, i may have apolagised for you but that is becouse of the dutie of future Olo'eyktna, i have to make peace. So you will go to ther merui and apolagise, you hear me." you said looking at him as he nodded his head "Yes ma'am." he responded.

"Now scram." you said and he did, he got up apolagise to you witch you shoke your head and he left.

As you sat down and just masaged your temles you heard someone entering the merui.

"You didnt have to be so tought on him, you know he admireds you." said your father as he sat down next to you. "I had to father, as the future Olo'eyktna i must teach him a lesson, he is lucky he still get to go out." you responded looking at him with a glare.

"You are right, but still, dont be so hard on him." he said placing a hand on your shoulder. "I canot promise that." you said shaking your head. "I know you cant." he said back smiling.

Standing up then did you see that your father bought back a large fish for dinner.

"Sorry i forgot to go hunt, becouse of all this that happend." you said looking down. "It is fine my child. And it was my time to hunt for dinner anyways." he responded and laught a bit and you did to. Then both you sitted outside skining the fish and just prepering it for dinner until the others arrived.

__________________________

Thats it for part three of "The Sun and the Moon" hopoed you enjoyed reading it.

Tho i dont really like this chapter but thats all i could come up with. Im also sorry for the long weit i was having a besy week bc of school and all.

Also comment if you wanna be tagged in next parts.

Tagg list:

@alastorhazbin

[sonny-whorezik]

haiii ... like a week short of a month since i left everything.... i just wanted to use as Journal and catch up before i do Fully return to social media, gettin rid of the app after this post yet again:

has . been . rough. grief has been consistent the last month from my best friend and now ex leaving me, losing that new job due to being physically sick from grief and being unemployed an additional month, my best best friend my dog, sage, passed away last friday and although i left to drive to kansas i just didn't make it in time. She has wind chimes over her grave and passed listening to the sound of the wind chime my great grandma left for me. two days after her passing marked the First Full Year since my grandpa passed away, i had a dream the night before where we drove around looking at christmas lights with people no longer in my life and he just looked so so sad. i am consistently physically alone; i facetime a couple friends but i go outside alone, sleep/wake up alone, eat alone, this has been going on since i left arizona in november Most of my time is spent completely alone.

ive tried new habits. i meditate and stretch in the morning and night. i read a page a day of a stoicism book my dad got me last year with a propeller hat. i see a therapist weekly, wake up earlier, even floss now. The complete back to back to back grief has left me no choice but to just Do Something. while i would Love to share something with someone its best i reserve it to myself, yet here i am vacantly sharing my last month to who knows who...

my friend invited me to see stop making sense last night in a farther town, showed the original film not the remastered and general admission was all standing and everyone acted as if it was a real concert dancing and singing. this was my 6th time seeing it in a theater. did not cry once yet celebrated the experience i have had and although i will never have anything quite like i did with someone quite like them, at least i had it for a good portion of my life. had to devote this must be the place to myself, foreign. to be completely transparent, i do miss them every day. i do not cry like i used to, i dont let myself get consumed by thought and feeling, ive grown more desensitized as time has passed, but i still miss them of course. i consistently see things that remind me of them even when theyre not on my mind and when sage died i wanted to reach out so terribly; reminisce of the fort we built where she slept with us and i had no one to talk to but my mom who was with her til the end. i didnt. i havent reached out. it is not my place given they were the one to leave i just will not keep reaching out and chasing someone who sounded so blatantly apathetic on our last phone call. i tell myself it was just a form of self preservation to them but yknow. like. that's it, i have no choice but to experience grief with self compassion and continue on, wherever that goes.

i may be starting TMS treatment , having magnets zap my brain 5 days a week, 6 weeks. i see a cardiologist on the 30th since my chest frequently hurts and both ekgs have concerns in the pause between beats. my pulse at resting is consistently around 120 yet my blood pressure is fine; who knows. well i guess ill know actually in 10 days. im finishing a vape, got a full pack of cigarettes ive yet to touch yet plan to quit smoking here soon in hopes it helps. maybe after my pack to eliminate temptation yet not waste my money... i bought it an hour before sage passed. i barely drink coffee and dont use energy drinks anymore i do what i can for my heart now.

atticus still sleeps with me, most nights. sometimes he wanders the living room when i cant sleep. im almost halfway through galapagos. i washed my sheets for the first time since buying them in august. im very much alone and this is all fine i tell myself. the stoicism has encouraged me to alter my perspective on things more rationally as opposed to the wired self deprecating and depression-based "take everything personally" thought processes ive had for 18 years. im on my phone significantly less and i even wrote a piece on piano i may share after this post. ive been transposing it to cello, my grandma requested.

i have no interest in perusing anyone anytime soon still, whether its still too early or what i think i do just Need to do these things alone for a while. ive never found sole stability in others, i learned this at 6 with my dad, yet while outside aid would help, it is not a requirement to live however. forgive me for how long this is and for leaving once again there are a few of you i used to talk to daily and now ive just got a few contacts in my phone.

despite chronic mental illness, mourning, loneliness, you name it, ive never taken this approach before. i will typically have a suicide attempt yet here i am doing a pancake stretch and ommm-ing every morning. i keep as busy as i can, today i went through every single thing i own to sort donations and the day before i deep cleaned. there is a box wrapped in a blanket of some of the things that remind me of them. i went through it today and brought out some things like the books theyve given me, it doesnt hurt as much anymore to remember. im donating the mugs i never gave them and the one theyd use at my house when theyd come over. all their letters havent been reread yet sit in between the photo of us in the cave. it was nice to see. i am so honored they let me, of all people, share these experiences with them. i am more thankful it happened then miserable itll never happen again; at least i had it for a while. i say this yet if a year passes and i hear from them, i would love to reconnect: hear how their life has been, what they've been doing, how their family is and if they are doing better. if this has helped. while for 6 years i believed they were really it for me, whether we ever dated or not ive always considered them the only one who Really Knew who i was, how i worked, you name it. although im "moving on" by taking care of myself more, it is upsetting to admit if i ever have a chance again, id take it in a heartbeat. i say this yet still believe Even if i do never get a chance, that's okay too. While i would, i dont anticipate it, rely on it, sit in denial "theyll surely come back," its alright if they never do. i live each day as if they never will yet to my core do know that i would try again

a knee ways .. i hope you, whoever reads, is doing okay, that you feel alright and what not. you dont have to feel good every day, but at the least alright i hope ... not sure if/when ill come back maybe just once a month im unsure yet .was just in a solid enough state to do this for a moment . wish you all well ,

[arthurtaylorlester]

malevolent pt 31 liveblog ''the nightmare''

arthur is sleepy i'm so glad

WAIT WHAT

KELLIN??

WHERE'S JOHN

WHY THE FUCK IS KELLIN THERE

DOWN THE TOWER??

WHAT

IS

GOING

ON

oh wait i get it

is the whole episode a fever dream

THE HEAD!!!! RETURNS

samantha is its name

girl what is going on did i miss something

yes you are daft arthur

where is john

i miss him

i cant have him gone again after s3

the voice being distorted?

ayo kellin lowkey sounds like john what is going on

the butcher?? the apartment??

i think i get it. arthur is like dreaming and his memories are blending. kelling and john function as the same person

UNCLE? this is definitely a dream

OH GOD ARTHUR TRAUMA AHHHHHHH

LISTEN TO JOHN GODAMMIT

the train? oh this is getting good

PERCIVAL !!!

NO NOT HIS WIFE WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KILLED HER

JOHN !! YES LISTEN !!

who is john?

wdym you DONT REMEMBER

I WAS RIGHT KELLING = JOHN RN

yes bbg you are dreaming

noooo you didnt drown your girl arthur

wait is kiy has the dreamlands does he have dreams as well

LISTEN !! TO !! JOHN !!

YES HE IS YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS

why is you trying grunting real hard dude wtf

oooh please be yellow or somehting

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

''i'm not a piece of you'' THE LITTLE BITCH IS BACK !!

''clever boy'' dude wtf

yellow repaying arthur for being called ''good boy'' by him that one time

PODCAST ACHIEVEMENT!! worms obtained

yeah arthur what ARE you doing

ohhhhhhhh what did happen

this is such good horror wtf

oh ok i was just talking about this with finch but the line ''you are me screaming at me'' @ kellin who is functionally john this ep makes me think about like, how arthur and john are the same person, fundamentally

yeah why not even john?

''because'' what

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ARTHUR YOU DON'T TRUST JOHN EITHER

YES YOU'RE GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION PLEASE!!!!

PLEASE YES KAYNE !!

what

what is he slipping away

no

no no no he can't fracture more can he

aughhh i get why this wasnt good for april 1st

well deserved angst post fluffy eps like 29-30

yellow isnt the king sooooo

OH GOD ARTHUR THINKS HE RUINED YELLOW

THE SOUND MIXING THIS EP IS AMAZING AGHHHHH

OH NO BELLA LORE

WHERE WERE YOU ARTHUR

DANIEL???

arthur not wanting to go to the caves what happened dude

is this like omori with repressed memories oooooohhhhh

THE WRAITH !! AND THE BABY !!

GOD BLESS THIS BABY STANCZYCK

yes arthur you didnt kill this baby !! slay !

you saved it :)

this is like a mega malevolent recap

mmmmm yellow watcha doing there

YES ARTHUR YOU HAVE AGENCY

tentacles?

OH YEAH THE LAKE SORRY MY MIND WENT ..... ELSEWHERE

oh god this is so fucking well done i love this episode !!

HIS SCREAMS GAHHHHHH THE ACTING !!

OH GOD THIS SEQUENCE WAS SO GOOD

kelling as arthur subconscious is such a good literary choice

because he took the things he loved FROM HIMSELF

HE LEFT HIMSELF TO DIE METAPHORICALLY TOO

mmmmmmmmmm i fuckign love this godforsaken podcast

not a piece of media i enjoy more

hmmmm kelling being john and also a part of arthur subconscious? i was literally just thinking about this a few hours ago

the episode still has 30 more minutes i'm scared

AUGHHH THE METAPHOR OF ARTHUR BURYING HIMSLED/KELLIN/JOHN STAND-IN

go off girl about evil

you are so hot when you're smart /hj

ahhhhhh arthur trauma is so :(((((

OH GOD BABY NO HE'S SO FUCKING HUMAN

nooooo you were moving on you werent happy she died

arthur confronting his trauma is sooo

i feel so fucking bad for arthur and he isnt even real

so youre gonna sleep. in a dream. okay ig

oh wait you meant metaphorically oh ok

KELLIN (ARTHUR'S SUBCONSCIOUS) AND PAST BEING BURIED AND HIM WISHING HE FINDS HIS GIRL

DARK WORLD ARC WHEN ????

also yes i've been saying same deck of cards, two sides of the same coin

wait who

oh larson

AHHAHAHA NEW NICKNAME ''golden boy'' ''your undefeated''

oh god

yellow being yellow but john being golden

harlan guthrie you goddamns genius

john did take away everything from arthur but gold is malleable, changeable

THE POEM HE POSTED ON TWT A FEW DAYS AGO

GOLD IS NATURE'S FIRST GREEN !!

nothing gold can stay

oh god this is beautiful

fave malevolent episode EASY FOR SURE

YOU ARE CHOOSING TO STAY OR ARE LARSON AND YELLOW ACTUALLY THERE THROUGH SPOOKY MAGIC SHENANIGANS TO TORTURE HIM

arthur married and had faroe young .........

smh larson arthur is just built different and comprehends the horror

there's a beauty in horror

yeah you tell him it's not horror

flashback??

BECAUSE THEY GOT MARRIED BECAUSE THEY HAD A KID AND WEREN'T MARRIED

HE DOESNT LOVE HER

AROMANTIC FR !!!!

oh a pity fuck?? dude

hmmmmm you cant live for someone else

it's wrong? for you? oh girl you got a big storm coming

james. new character alert.

YOURE GONNA LEAVE YOU'RE WIFE AS SHE'S GIVING BIRHT?? ARTHUR NOOOO

hmmm yeah arthur kinda deserved that

OH DAMN JAMES

BELLA WASNT THE ONLY PERSON TO LOVE HIM

he has uh..... an evil eldritch monster

god arthur you idiot you deal with it and your wife dies before you get to the hospital

faroe was alone in the hospital for a goddamn hour

no larson he was feeling silly i still love him

the hour oh goddddd

he fr does not care about bella AT ALL

AJHDSFJHEFHSJDFHJDHFGKH WALLY

he really loves insulting himself

he's so me-coded

he's over this guys you heard it here first

the demon yes i forgot about it !!

YOU COMBAT IT WITH JOHN !!

LISTEN

oh faroe :(((

oh the fics that we'll get

oh god she was so little

he cared so much for faroe AGGHHHH

SHE LIKED STORIES :(((((

''are you there troll?'' I'M SOBBING FR

oh god the game

jadhkjhfhjdfj the monster

seen WHO?

JOHN?

KIY?

YELLOW?

TENDRILSSSS

oh god no don't tell me it was throat oh okay

stomach oh my fuckingggoddd what

WHAT IS HE PULLING OUT

THE INTESTINES OUCH

THEY'RESWEET

HE WANTS TO FUCKING EAT YOU

stabbing him might free himt though

he's delirius

JOHN YES FINALLY BBG YOU'RE HERE MY BABY

i fucking knew he was sleepwalking

200 years???

how old is this woman

this thing is wow

idk why i ent the whole ep thinking it was the kiy

he's going to fucking eat you

oh god oh fuck i'll cry this episode is amazing

wait what

did he fucking get a new pet

HE'S HIS FAVOURITE????

arthur's trauma was so tasty he fucking got a fan

uh oh

this isn't any good is it

YOU CALL IT MADNESS RETURN??

NO? OKAY...

okay this episode was phenonget ready for a whole new month of ranting

[freeshephoun]

please please please tell your adrian headcanons im so curious!!!!! and also maybe gordon and barney if you like :]

oh boy this is gonna be a lot. apologies for any misstypes in advance!!

click to read my thoughts on the 3

okay ffirst off shephard! shes tfem which is why i will be using she/her for her. also ahes filipino-american. shephard is autistic and mute and struggles to understand the people around her sometimes. it makes her upset when she doesnt.

its a reason why she is better with aliens. they dont work like humans do and it is easier for her to connect with them even when they dont speak the same language. and the bond she has especially with spore launcher is indescribable.

spore launcher (or spore for short) is a creature she found in the black mesa facility. its an alien that, when you feed it something, it can spit it out and it works basically like a grenade launcher. at first shephard had no idea what to do with that thing. he gave it a little pat on the head and it chirped and since then theyve been best friends. you can not tear them apart.

shephard has a lot of little cat scrstches feom spores spikey exterior aswell as some acid burns here and there. it comes free with having an alien friend/pet.

Shephard also managed to get spore into stasis. everything else was taken but she could keep spore. also coming to stasis ive got some thoughts on it.

while gordon was basically in a coma in stasis, Shephard wasnt. she didnt even have a choice what to do. she was just taken and detained. and since she was detained, gman didnt put her to sleep. shephard has been in that osprey for all this time. awake. if it werent for spore she would've probably gone insane.

being in stasis also fucked up her feeling of like everything. ypu dont get tired, exhausted, hungry or thirsty. you cant even feel pain or die.

(cw sensitive topic, bit similar to sh) in an attempt to feel anything she sometimes did some stupid shit. mostly punching or slamming her body against walls or purposefully touching spores acid. that reeeeally fucked up her perception of pain and her tolerance and it still shows afterwards. (cw end)

outside of stasis she still struggles with the perception of pain. it is pretty dangerous and she basically relies on gordon or barney to tell her hey you got fucked up bad we should get you first aid.

and sometimes when she sees it she spirals down into this specific feeling where everything feels like stasis again. when was the last time she ate? why does it feel so alone again why is it so quiet? why is akl she can hear her own mind?

shes going thru it🔥🔥

jumping a bit shephard doesnt like physical touch. shes very sensitive to it and gets overwhelemed by too much physical touch. her lovd languages are acts of service. she isnt good at comforting someone or showing her care for someone so openly. its more that she guards you when around you. makes sure youre safe. you need a moment of alone time? she will make sure no one bothers you.

my friend wrote a scene that describes it perfectly so ill quote it: "In the distance, the parade could be heard. At the entrance of the alleyway, Shephard seemed to stand guard, occasionally looking back at them as the parade passed by."

for tthe other 2 and their love languages: barney is the physical affection guy. giving and receiving. hes also good at comforting people just by being there. gordon on the other hand is good with giving words of affirmation. its his love language. and on the receiving is quality time (shephard too i forgot to mention)

they are very dear 2 me.

also their fighting styles. ive thought of it before and how it differs. gordon thinks, finds an answer that works and then executes it. shephard thinks a little but she mostly just acts on instinct. and barney? hes jus tlike yeah no thinking is for nerds watch me solo this guy. hes silly like that

my friend (again) made smthg that portrays this very well: "Gordon would calculate the triangulation before he threw a grenade over a wall. Shephard would stand on a box so she could throw it over the wall without hassle. Barney would just lob it and pray"

gordon is a very sarcastic man. barney understands his saecasm oerfectly but shephard struggles to do so which is why gordon avoids sarcasm around her.

shep and barney on occasions have their 5 minutes. kind of like zoomies. it usually ends in chaos because they tried something stupid again. which is why gordon rarely allows them in his lab. actually never. but barney will still come down when it gets late and gordon hasnt even been up to eat something and basically force gordon to stop for the day.

how? he just scoops gordon up and carries him out. batney is a security guard who survived the resonance cascade, the 7 hour war, manages to get through as underciver civil service despite the hard security measures of fhe combine aswell as fighting agains the combine and staying alive for all these years. that man is strong.

he wwouldnt mamage to carry both gordon and shephard though. thats what shep does. she carries them both with one arm.

this also reminds me shephard needs a routine. she can not do without one. you will see her follow the military training camp routine eeveryday. if she doesnt do it it messes up her whole day.

also wwhile i will draw them a lot probably in their hl clothes and not hl2 clothes, if thes would have ever met its definitely in hl2 or after. i jsut dont like drawing barneys combine outfit thats why.

Shephard was thrown into the hl2 universe by gman. maybe ill even incorporate return 2 ravenholm im this if i ever elaborate on that more. she builds up her own wa yof living there. the camera drones dont manage ti actually detect her due to her gas mask. they detect humans by having a face and if they don't? thats not a human then. she doesnt know that though.

she made herself st home in an outpost outside of city 17. it used to belong to the residtance but got raided by thr combine and has since then become abandoned. at ome point shephard manages to boot up the equipment there. she gains access to a lot of old information that was stored in this outpost.

the resistance of cours enotices shit wait an old outpost was activated again whats going on there. they send a group of people to investigate but urrm uh yeah didnt work out. shephard had a little ace up her sleeve (spore and her acid). but eith that they hope to confirm it is at least not the combine because they have never used that alien species as it completely ceased to exist after the black mesa incident.

im not too sure abt thid though the way this goes might change very well depending om what i feel like.

anyway uuh sheohard goes into the city to restock some supplies. she has some good connections at this point and has heard from the resistance. and well when she goes there to restock she meets barney.

this is btw like a place where they help out citizens who are struggling, often wanted by the combine. they live off donations, mostly coming from the resistance themself.

when barney sees shephard, this guy in a fucking military uniform hes just like. boy you coming with me now. and drags her to the resistance thingy there.

or something like that. not too sure about that at all. again might change however i feel like it

also i definetly forgot a ton of things but ive been writing this for 1 1/2 hours now. if you want to know more about specific things feel free 2 aks i LOVE sharing my freeshephoun thoughts with people

also as a treat here i drew them as the power piff girls once

[momiamtired]

dear god, why do you hate me? what have i done? i never asked for a lot. i dont want to be rich or famous i just want to be happy. i just want to have my closesr friends around me and a botfriend and a child and a secure work. i just wish a happy life. why do i need to go through this. why do you hate me? i just was born in a wrong place. why me? of all people why me? i hate this town. i never slept more than 5 hours these 3 days. i wake up at 2 am with an alarm that soon will make my heart stop just to play with my friend because we have huge time difference. thats the only thing that gives me happiness. everything else is rather anger or sadness. im not exaturating. im not a whiny teenager. i want to kill myself. and only because of fucking hope that every day gets ruined i am still standing and sitting on my disgustingly uncomfortable anti suicidal chair and write this in hopes to get better. i only have 4 hours of sleep left, thanks emily. i have finals soon and i still never realised it so good luck to me. i dont really know why am i still alive. i really wish i didnt have things i would be regretting to lose or just i dont want them to be sad. my friend, my dad that is going to be shamefull of my death and regreting how much money he spend on me, my mom, maybe my brother, my relatives which im afraid the most becuase since childhood im afraid of being told to them that i am a failuer, my cat, my hopes that everything will become better. thats all that stoping me and tbh im not sure how long will i manage. no its like i dont even have a choice. if i will die many bad things will happen and i dont even have a cnhoice to unalive myself because even after my death something bad wiill happen. im just amazed thats its jkust getting ridiciuluose. tbh if i will get raped or i will lose my phone or someone will stab me with a knife i wont be surprised im not exadurating im tired of people telling things that are not true i turly feel that if something as bad as that will happen to me i wont be surprised. i hate this town im afraid to walk on streets here im tired of me not knowing english im tired to say things im tired of. its like its just a situation where u are getti ng happiness only from 3 max source and its playing online games with ur friends( u have to not sleep at all and then go to studying while having undiagnosed adhd and just getting emberessed after sleeping on lessons), tiktok which more often gives me strong negative depr4essive emotions like any social media would, and other internet stuff that can give me positive emotions only really rarely and if i willf find something and only if my roommate is not hope and she didnt left homne in like 2 weeks. i dont want to sleep at all and im tired god oh how im tired how ianything that makees this things happen to me oh how i wish he would be suffering eternaly oh how i wish you cant imagen how much i hate my life how everyday get into awful situtions or things all the time and i dont even have a choice its like im a clown or a puppet somebody watches and experiments and laughs. i wish i could be dead tbh god idc anymore just fucking kill me already i dont care at this point i know u wont make my life easier just kill me im tired of crying and anger