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realbubonicsword · 5 months ago

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An Analysis of Shelly

I know what you're thinking. "But Toffee, you only ever post Goob-related content! What's with this sudden Shelly craze?"

Now, my one and only favorite character is and always will be Goob, but I have started to take an interest in Shelly's character lately. And hoooo boy, it has been one HELL of a rabbit hole. Plus, I haven't seen anyone else actively point this out, so I'm doing it myself.

Are you ready?

Let's begin.

(analysis below cut)

The first thing about Shelly that struck me as odd in the new update was her design.

Now, there is absolutely nothing bad about her design-I find it very good, actually!-but when I saw that she was a MAIN CHARACTER TOON (I wasn't keeping up with update news), I was shocked. Everything about her design, from the clothing she wears to the colors made her look like a more...out of the way character. A character meant to have one singular purpose, and then be brushed aside and forgotten. The fact that she was one of the main toons was....strange.

I mean, look at her compared to Teagan!

If you knew about Dandy's World, but didn't know about the update, which one would you guess was the main toon?

I found this...interesting.

Then, I looked into her dialogue on the wiki.

Average stuff, for the most part. She didn't really have anything that jumped out at me. In fact, she didn't show too much unique personality at all. The only thing she was really doing was helping others, or occasionally asking for things from others. Nothing else, really.

Although, there was one strange piece of dialogue that caught my eye, that actually showed a hint of what kind of person Shelly is.

Odd, but ok...

And then, I read the description for her twisted form after finally getting 50%....

And it all made sense.

See it yet?

Let me highlight it for you.

"The blatant ignorance of her existence by everyone around her has enraged her."

At first I thought that this had to be an exaggeration. Surely this friendly and helpful toon couldn't just be ignored like tha-

Oh.

They're right.

Every single bit of dialogue she has is either her helping someone or her asking for something. It's sort of like that person at a job you like being around, but you never really get to know. That's Shelly with basically EVERYONE.

Seriously, name ONE genuine friend that she has currently IN THE GAME (not counting Sprout) that she has had an actual conversation with where they bond and get to know each other as people.

The only time she had some sort of conversation was with Teagan, when she mentioned she was doing ok..."sorta-ish". That line in itself is interesting as well, as it shows how she feels about all of this. But still, they don't really seem to be friends.

We're dipping into a bit of headcanon territory here, but I believe it's rooted enough into Canon to include.

Shelly is someone who craves human (or in this case, toon) connection. She wants to be dependable, to be the one people can fall back on when they're feeling down, to be the one people rely on, and she has that, in a sense. However, no matter how much she does for others, no matter how much she helps them and supports them...

People only see her as..someone to ask for help on occasion. Uh oh, I dropped something, better get that fossil girl to help, since she's always so useful. And that is a part of what Shelly wants!

But that's it.

Useful.

A tool to use and then toss aside for the next person until they need her again.

That's all there is to almost every relationship she has.

And part of it is her fault.

You see, Shelly is so focused on helping people that she forgets to take that next step to forge true friendships, and unfortunately, nobody seems to ever catch on that she wants to take that step to forge genuine bonds with others.

She's non-confrontational by nature, and she doesn't want to ruin her perception of being useful, because then people might forget about her entirely, so she waits and hopes that someone will hear something that she will never say herself.

A good example of this is the strange dialogue I mentioned earlier between Shelly and Vee.

Vee asks if she's busy after they're done with going down the elevator. Shelly initially doesn't believe that anyone would ever ask HER of all people to...possibly hang out...and talk..like friends...

So she gets excited. She asks what they're going to do together (although notably phrasing it in a way so it seems like she is offering to help), and...

It was...just moving some supplies. More work. More reasons to be useful. This isn't a bad thing! It means that people care about her! That they have need for her, so they'll never forget about her! It's not like she hoped that someone actually wanted to take time out of their day to hang out with her, nope! She'd never tell Vee any of that! And besides, she's totally fine with this!

So why does it hurt so badly?

Shelly's greatest fear has been happening to her for years, and she refuses to agknowledge it. To her, it could be so much worse if she stopped helping people. As long as she's useful, people will like her. They would never even think to toss her aside and forget about her, right?

Except they have been for a long time now.

When people talk to her, she either has to initiate by asking for something, or they initiate only because they need something from her. She wants to tell them so badly, to ask them why they never seen to pay any attention to her, or attempt to even have a real conversation with her, but she will never be that bold.

Even with the cardboard cutouts on one of the maps, she's hidden in the back-present, but barely noticed by those around her. (this is more obvious in game)

No matter how much she tries, no matter how friendly or helpful or dependable she is, people never seem to see her as a person. Why don't they see her?! She's right here! She's here and she's endlessly waiting for connections that will never come to pass! It's fine though, really!

Keep being friendly, and people will like you more.

Keep being helpful, and people will have a reason to talk to you.

Keep being dependable, and people will have a reason to come back. They won't ever leave you alone. Right..?

Keep being friendly.

Keep being helpful.

Keep being dependable.

(That's all you'll ever be.)

Ironic that a fossils greatest fear is being forgotten.

#dandys world #dandy's world #shelly dandy’s world #shelly dandys world #I wrote this at 5:00 in the morning so I'm sorry if the way I wrote this is off lol #my tired brain just had to get my thoughts on Shelly out there man #update: I no longer support dandy’s world in any way shape or form but I’m leaving the analysis up because I’m genuinely proud of it

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 11 months ago

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Unexpected 55

Warnings: non/dubcon, child endangerment, pregnancy, pegging, Lloyd being the worst, post partum, csection, suicidial ideation, Andy is nasty in this, violence, and other dark elements. Not all kinks or triggers are tagged. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You've done this before. Waiting out a man. Biding your time. Before, you didn't realise it. You just did it.

With Colin, you just went through the motions, waiting for something, anything to change. With Lloyd, it was waiting for the next combustion, the final one that would send it all spiraling.

Now, you're just waiting on yourself. Because now you know it's up to you. It always has been. You were just too stupid, lazy, and blind to see it.

So you do what you have to. That's nothing new. That's the easy part. Luna is the only one keeping you going and you know, you're the only one to keep her going.

When she cries, you go to her. You're no longer play the part, distracting yourself with your own motherhood, trying to get through the day. No, you want to be there for her, you want to comfort her. And in turn, as small and innocent as she is, she does the same for you.

And when Andy needs you, you bite down and get through it. Another familiarity. When he touches you, when he kisses you, when he says those disgusting things. Clawing, pawing at your chest, sucking and biting at your body like and animal, rutting with desperation until he's breathless. He thinks the noises you make are just as delighted as his own. You let him believe it, just like you let him believe this little makeshift domesticity is real.

Until the moment comes. Until you will keep that promise to yourself. To her.

You sit in the rocking chair, Luna on your chest, peaceful in his absence. You don't know why he left, you're just happy he did. It's a moment to rest, for you and your daughter.

She's getting bigger. Four or five months now, you think. Things change so fast yet move so slow.

As you let your eyes close, there's a thump at the door. The locks grinds back noisily as the baby stirs against you. You huff and try to get her to fall back asleep as Andy enters. He leaves more often these days but not for very long

"Shhh, she's asleep," you warn him, watching her eyes slit, she's almost there.

He shoots you a look as you peer up at him but doesn't say anything. You tisk. You know what he wants. You stand carefully and take Luna to her crib as you hear him pacing around behind you.

"I don't what I'd do if I didn't have you, honey," he rambles, "I just... the world's a crazy place."

He's telling you, you hide your disgust at his lack of self-awareness as you lay Luna down.

"It's going to be okay though, we're going to be okay," he rants on as you face him. He has his shirt halfway up his torso, "aren't we?"

"Sure," you answer.

"I just..." he rips his shirt over his head, "I need you so bad right now."

You nod and come forward, forcing a curve to your lips. He's as easy as any other man, just a little less stable. It's funny to think so when you have Lloyd to compare. You put your hands on his chest as you approach him. You caress him, feeling the soft hair beneath your fingertips as the tension uncoils from his shoulders. He puts his hands on your hips and steps closer.

"Are you full?" He asks.

You look at him, he's staring at your chest. Your stomach churns. Your tits are close to ready, just in time for Luna to wake, but he only cares about himself. You don't answer as he feels along the belt of the robe and unknots it. He pushes it open and dips his head down, kissing your chest as he growls.

He angles you towards the bed. You zone out as you let him and fall back beneath him. He puts his lips around your nipple and you cry out as he sucks. You hate that feeling, you hate the noises he makes, moaning like a pathetic little beast. He squeezes your tit as he keeps his mouth sealed around the bud. You grit your teeth and focus on breathing.

He shifts to put his knees between yours, pushing them apart so you're open to him. Without lifting his head, he picks at the front of his jeans, shimmying them down as his need builds. He dribbles down your chest as he parts and sits up on his knees. He pulls your legs over his and strokes himself, pressing his tip to your cunt impatiently.

You're dry as he rams insides. He grunts and holds himself deep, the tendons in his neck taut as he grips your hip, his other hand groping your chest meanly. He ruts, slamming into you as hard as he can. There's no precursor left. He doesn't pretend. He takes what he wants and you don't stop him. He accepts your complacency as love.

The bed shakes, the frame hitting the wall, bang, bang, bang. The noise hammers away at your soul and the silence. You hear Luna murmur, babbling as she awakens. She doesn't cry even as you want to. She's just a baby. She shouldn't be here. He shouldn't do this with her right there. Only the bars of a crib to protect her.

You put your hand on his wrist and the other on his stomach. You need him to be done.

"That's it," you growl through your teeth, "harder."

He obeys easily. You swallow down your whimpers as his hips crack against you. He's almost there. You can feel it.

"Come on, honey, give me it," you squeeze his wrist tighter and grunt.

"Oh yeah, you want it," he growls, "you want me to give you another baby?"

You can't help but choke. He doesn't notice as he dips his hips into you, looking down to watch his motion. You curl your lips in repulsion. Just get it over with.

"Yes," you gulp out, "yes, give me... your baby."

Your mouth is bitter as bile rises in your throat. He groans, louder and louder, and falls over you, his hips rolling frantically as he chases his release. He buries his face in your neck.

"You wanna be a mommy again," he rasps, "be a good mommy, mmm--"

He grunts and snaps his pelvis, once, twice, three times, then quakes as you feel him spill into you. You hold your breath as your eyes tinge. He slides his arms around you, inside the open robe as he pants. He clings to you, pushing himself as deep as he can get.

"I can't wait to be a daddy," he purrs.

"Mhmm," you rub his shoulders, "I know, honey."

He doesn't move, even as Luna begins to fuss. Your chest begins to thrum as she cries and you pat Andy.

"Please, she needs to eat."

"Mmmm," he drags a hand up as he leans on one elbow, fondling your tit again, "I want a little more."

"Andy, honey, please," you plead, "she won't have much."

He snarls and pouts as Luna cries loudly. He jams himself into you so you whimper and slides out roughly. He bounces off of you and sits at the end of the bed. He stretches his neck and flicks you away with his fingers.

"Fine, go ahead," he sneers, "but after, you can get on your knees and give me a suck."

You shudder and sit up. You glare at the back of his head. You could bash it in but you know you're not strong enough.

"Yes, honey," you turn your legs over the side of the bed and stand. You try not to wretch as a gush flows down your thigh.

You close your robe and tie the belt, crossing to the crib as Luna wails. Your hands linger on the thick belt. You pull them away before your thoughts can stray. You take Luna out of the crib and put her to feed. Andy stands and strips off his jeans and briefs.

You walk around as you feed Luna, when she calms, you cover your chest again and keep her in your arms. Andy huffs as he plays with himself in the bed. His impatience strikes another flash of anger in you. The belt of the robe cinches you tightly as you shift your daughter in your arms. You whisper to her and lay her down again, handing her one of her crinkle toys.

You back away and pull the curtain across the space between the bed and her little nursery. You turn to Andy and shake away your agitation. You put a knee up on the bed and lick your lips.

"My turn?" You ask as you crawl over to him, grabbing his half-flaccid dick.

He nods excitedly and you feel him twitch in your grasp. You move between his legs and tease him, hovering your lips just above his tip. You look up at him with a smirk. You're done waiting.

🍑

This, you haven't done before.

You sit against the bedframe in the dark. It's quiet and still. Eerie even.

It is the isolation, it's not the prison cell built to look like a home, no it's what needs to be done. What you're going to do.

Luna sleeps soundly in her crib, only just dozing after another bout of frustration. And beside you, another infantile creature, snoring to his content. The taste of his salty flesh sickening on your tongue.

You inhale deeply and let it out as you feel along the fabric of your terry robe. Slowly you tug the belt from the loops, inch by inch. Your chest coils tightly as it comes free and you hold the lax fabric in your hands. You stare at it in the small glow of the nightlight plugged in only a few feet from the bed.

You're jittery as you wind each end around your hands, yet numb as you push away all your thoughts. This isn't a time for doubt. You're done letting that hold you back. You pull the belt taught between your hands. It's innocuous at first glance, probably why he never even thought to remove it from the robe. To him, it was a simple knot he pulled to get what he wanted. To you, it's freedom.

You glance over at him, his shoulders broad, moving slightly with each breath. You pull the belt to full tension. You have one chance, you have to make it count. For more than yourself.

You get on your knees and edge towards his back. You raise your hands and hover them over him, shaking as you build the nerve. This isn't just as simple as tying your shoes, this is... life and death. Yours, his, Luna's.

You swoop the belt down and pull it tight around his neck. He grunts and twitches away. You quickly knee him onto his stomach and straddle his back, bringing your weight down on him.

You twist the belt around itself and pull, pull, pull. He chokes and spasms, pushing himself up. You can't stop him, he's too strong. You hook your legs around him instead, staying latched on as he gasp and claws at his neck.

He falls onto you, knocking the air out of you, but you don't stop. The heat flowing through you keeps you fighting. He rocks atop of you, writhing and kicking, reaching back blindly as he scratches down your face. You won't let go. You can't. You've come this far there's no going back.

It goes on for what feels like eternity. He just won't stop. You twist the belt tighter and tighter, the gagging battle for his life souring your stomach. Then he's still. All once, it's over and he lays limp atop you. You don't loosen the belt until you're certain he's entirely still.

You drag yourself from under him, watching him as you think he might come to life at any moment. He doesn't move. Is he dead? Did you do it?

Even if he isn't, it's a chance. This is your escape. This is it.

#lloyd hansen #dark!lloyd hansen #dark lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen x reader #drabble #unexpected #series #the gray man #andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #andy barber x reader #defending jacob

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sysmedsaresexist · 7 months ago

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We're curious, since you apparently were anti-endo in the past Was there any specific event or conversation or experience that got you to start contemplating the idea you might have been wrong? I know you've mentioned talking to a buncha big name docs and going "okay I think I'm on the wrong side of this debate" but what got you to the point of even bringing it up with them in a genuinely open minded way? We think its an interesting topic for people who've escaped any kind of shithead mindset, not just anti-endo stuff, and so we're oft curious what pulls people out of those pits

This has been a loooonnggggg time coming.

I wish there was just one event that did it, if it was that simple I'd be putting everyone I come into contact with into that situation.

I spoke with Kymbra Clayton in early 2021 about her paper, Critiquing the Requirement of Oneness. It was on a bunch of, "proof endos exist," lists, and it didn't sit right with me. I was surprised to find that she wasn’t... quite anti endo, but she was upset that her work was being used to support them. Her paper was specifically about the shift in clinical circles from final fusion to functional multiplicity as a possible treatment goal. It sort of sent me deeper on the anti side, but it made me realize that, holy crap, I can talk to these people???

So I emailed Colin Ross later that year, desperate to prove someone else wrong, and despite numerous back and forth emails, he was completely pro endo. I never spoke about that conversation until I made my post about it... jeez, what, two weeks ago? What even is time.

But from there, I worked through other doctors, pro and anti, from both my personal, professional circles, and anyone else who would respond to inquiries about their work on whatever social media they were active on. Mostly, as therapists, they stressed the importance of understanding and kindness, regardless of personal beliefs.

I ended up helping a lot of endogenic systems learn about DID, and I realized that, wow, shocking, being nice facilitates conversation. As I got nicer, people were more willing to talk to me about their experiences. I saw how many people were really struggling and I realized that I wanted to help them more than I wanted to be right.

I got REALLY goddamn tired of hearing, "we don't have DID," and I realized I had to concede on that point. There was ZERO conversation to be had if I couldn't get my head around that. But if not DID, then what?

The more I heard, the more I shaped my own thoughts and understanding, the more I broadened my academic searches (wow, there's more terms to Google than just "DID trauma"), and the research was just overwhelming.

I wanted so badly to see the Stanford Tulpa studies fail that I actually started to enjoy the other work of the doctors involved (specifically Tanya Luhrmann, Michael Lifshitz is a little out there for me, but he sure is passionate). The more I read, the more I understood what they were hoping to accomplish and prove, and the more I saw ways that this kind of research can help people.

I don't agree with everything, but I'm still excited to see where it goes, and I realized it's okay to have mixed feelings and opinions, as long as I could be respectful about it.

I've been sneaking out endo safe content for about a year now, adding it on as the last tags. I've discussed at length about my changing beliefs. I'm shocked that no one noticed??

But I didn't actually change my stance publicly until the antis turned on me.

With this new round of antis from TikTok, they were posting stuff about DID that wasn't correct. At all. Some of it was disgustingly wrong. I tried to correct them, gave them pointers and resources to use, explained things they weren't understanding. I gave an amazing play by play of how @sophieinwonderland was going to tear their post apart, and managed to get it pretty damn close to what actually happened! That was fun.

And in return, they called me an endo and started an actual smear campaign against me.

(Hi, friendos, another reminder to get off my blogs and block me, please)

It was the straw that broke the back. I had held on the anti label specifically to be able to work within the anti community, but I was clearly not anti, these were clearly not my people, and they weren't interested in learning. Their actions and behaviour were beyond low. I wanted nothing to do with them.

But, I mean, I guess some people noticed my slow shift, because when I did reach out into the endo community just before I made my first Colin Ross post, they were quick to pull me in without question.

The acceptance and kindness that has been shown to me is... breathtaking. I can't think of a better word. The conversations that I've been having with people have been more interesting and beneficial than ever before.

Syscourse needs to involve actual conversation, and I've finally found that on the pro side.

TL;dr I wanted to prove endos wrong SO badly that I accidentally proved them right

#syscourse #pro syscourse conversation #story time with sas #anti endo #pro endo #system safe #CDDs first

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lovethatmakingcoffee · 1 year ago

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So!

how many more content creators are going to be accused of being called a pedophile with no hard evidence, a police warrant, anything physical and it's by an anonymous tweet from some stranger online who would rather tell social media than I don't know... HAVE THEM GET ARRESTED BY THE POLICE?!

How many more creators, huh?! How many?! How many more YouTubers, twitch streamers, singers, animators, artists?! How many of you are gonna jump on them???? And it's so easy if it's a guy, right? So easy! And no matter how they react, whether it's calm and calculated, shutting down their channel as a whole, or answering immediately yet obviously angry about it- they are always ALWAYS GUILTY. what happened to innocent until proven guilty? And eo is this person? That they are willing to fan the flames and accuse someone of something so terrible online??? Who are u?????

Why do this now? Why do it how at the HEIGHT of Forever's popularity? Why not do it before so he was never on the qsmp or even long before that? Or in the middle at all???? Why now? That is my question? If this is all true, why now? And why use social media? Why not go to the police if he really did a crime? You are accusing someone of a very terrible thing. Why not do it properly instead of searching for Internet clout? What're we supposed to do? The only thing we can, huh? Cancel. Because that's what u want. Is to cancel him. When he was obviously so loved by the masses yesterday. When he had all those cruise pic photos showing how good his life was. Yeah, I don't think u want him arrested or lynched. No, u want to cancel him. Making me wonder if there was ever a real çrime.

Which I wonder quite often with these cases.

And GUYS. HEADS UP! You know whose next? Hm? It'll probably be Wilbur, probably being said that he approached some underage girl on tour or whatever. Or maybe it'll be quackity or hell, even Philza! Oh, Etoiles got cancelled not so long ago, let's cancel him again! Oh what about Bagerha or Cellibit? Let's throw Charlie into the mix. Ironmouse will be hard to cancel cause she's been locked inside of her room all her life and has a very dedicated fanbase, but I'm sure you bastards will find something.

So mhm, everyone is nexted because antis have proven it to be so easy to get rid of someone they don't like. Gone the next day. All of them are suspectable to it. Cause u know why? Cause they are stupid humans who have said stupid shit! And you will just take anything they said and did and run with it!!! Every time! So it's only a matter of time until someone new gets targeted. And depending on how tough skinned they are, they will disappear in a matter of seconds.

Let's just throw all of qsmp away while we're at it! No more eggs, no more community, blah blah blah! Something problematic will happen and you all will jump on it and say 'oh, I never liked them anyway'. Which is such a lie! Such bullshit, u are all bullshitters.

And I know for a fact that y'all aren't saints. We have all said disgusting jokes. Race, lgbt, whatever! We've all done it- don't lie! Here, I'll go first. I joked about a school shooting the other day with my friends. There, cancel me. I gave you the ammunition, now take your fucking shot.

This happens every god damn time someone u enjoy gets popular too fast. They get called a pedo, or a racist, or a transphobe or anything easy to spark the mob. I have seen it time and time again with creators running away because theyve been chased off their respective platforms. I saw an artists make the most beautiful art ever, get accused of being a pedo by one person, everyone joined in for some reason and chased her away. I will never not be bitter about that. I HATE ALL OF YOU WHO DID SUCH A THING AND IF I EVER GOT MY HANDS ON YOU I SWEAR TO GOD. But I am sick of people 'finding' or bringing shit to light or whatever and then just post it online! Like fuck! If he really did a crime! Arrest him! But he didn't, did he? Cause that's the fucking game we are playing rn.

Such hypocrites, it's fascinating. Literally yesterday you were kissing this mans feet and exhaling him, but one anon person saw that and chose violence. And you just.... changed your minds???? Like that? Like a switch of a button? Crazy, actually crazy, and childish.

How come everyone flips and flops so easily on the internet??? How is it so easy for you????? And how can u other supposed fans just accept it so easily??? I will never understand and I will bite and claw at all of you. You all loved him 24 hours ago and now with the bare minimum of evidence you flip? You all would be terrible on jury duty. I hope none of you ever get on jury duty.

Anyway, I'll probably get a ton of backlash from this post and delete it later, waking up in the morning with tons of hate. But I don't care. Prove him guilty. Get the hard evidence that he is a pedo and I will believe it when I see it. Have him be in damn cuffs. Get the mugshot. If that is at all true! But I'm not putting my life and art on pause for conveniently timed discourse.

Maybe I'll delete this post tomorrow. But now I'm fuming at all of you.

And yeah, as for me, I had a shit disgusting last year, qsmp and especially forever was one of the few things that got me out of it and calmed me down. And you guys are going to be talking about how wrong and problematic the things he said that was (what was it?) 8 years ago!!! Then guess what, I love a very problematically spoken parent that would make all of you quake and vomit the moment she opened her mouth. But also, that woman saved me from being homeless. For giving me a place to stay after being DEPORTED. So, if u need a little kindergarten lesson today, internet, is that people will say all sorts of horrible cancelable shit, but it's what they actually do, that really matters.

Goodnight.

#Qsmp #Quackity smp #Forever #Discourse #I am going to make a bat covered in nails #Qsmp forever #q!forever #Qsmpforever

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letomills · 4 months ago

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The "requests are paused until I'm done with the current ones" thing was wishful thinking (a bit like the closing statements in my last yt video 🤓) and I am once again thoroughly overwhelmed with everything.

Requests are firmly closed until further notice. I said yes to the FtM hairs for anon and the Tiggerypum tunics & iamliz13 alpha dresses for children & toddlers for the other anon (I did get the links you sent to the meshes), so I still intend to complete both.

A novel's worth of life updates under the cut (content warning for struggle with bipolar type 2, including questionable choices which should not be taken as advice).

Well over a year ago I shared that my mother was going through a really bad bipolar type 2 depression episode (looking back, mention of it in that post was very euphemistic, I must have been hopeful). The reason why I didn't give any updates after a while is that there is no satisfactory narrative that I could easily spin into words. She's not all better, she hasn't died or lost her mind for good, things have just been evolving at a snail's pace through a whole spectrum of very bleak colors. She's not fully hospitalized anymore, she lives at home with my brother and me, with day hospitalisation activities several times a week. The myriad psychiatrists that she's seen have not been able to find the "right" treatment for her, but hey, after lithium sent her into such a state of confusion that we thought she might stay mentally disabled for the rest of her life, at least now we know that's not an option. A couple days ago her psychiatrist prescribed a new antipsychotic to replace the one she'd been taking. She started the transition, and today confusion started showing its terrifying face again so she's not taking that pill tonight, or to be honest ever again unless her psychiatrist somehow manages to convince us otherwise (she'll report her symptoms and get counsel at the hospital tomorrow). Her cognition is already impaired, her short-term memory and ability to focus especially. She can't live alone, I keep and manage her pillboxes, make sure she's eating right and the stove is off, that sort of stuff. But at least, until the introduction of this new drug, she'd made considerable gains compared to when she was at her worst last winter. No way we're going back to that again.

On a more positive note, about a month and a half ago I started work at a grocery delivery place just up the street (yes that's what I'm doing with my degree in Mandarin and my master's in English-French translation studies). It's intense physically, kinda stressful, and not very well paid, but I think I like it and the people are very nice. What scares me is that my trial period ends in about 2 weeks and I'm not entirely sure that they'll want to keep me, considering I've made several mistakes and they don't seem to think that I work quite fast enough (I know I said the people were very nice, they are, that's just the job). They keep saying the work load is gonna get crazier starting in September. The way they're saying it may suggest that they do envision me as still working there in September, but maybe they're trying to push me to work faster now and if I can't prove that I'm able to they won't keep me? Well I'm already doing my best, even if sometimes I end up finding myself crying over clients' items because my brain isn't able to focus anymore and I'm messing up and wasting time.

Emotional control has been harder because I unilaterally made the decision to taper off my antidepressant. Now before you facepalm, let me flood you with all of my best questionable arguments: • I do have an appointment with my psychiatrist, the earliest date I could get was October 1st (and I may have to postpone, depending on my work hours that day which I don't know yet). • I was already on the lowest dose that you can be on. • I tapered off very slowly. • I recently talked about it with the nurse that I saw for the mandatory medical visit I had to go to because I got the new job (idk if you have that outside of France). Naturally she was alarmed that I'd been weaning myself off on my own and she convinced me to see my GP asap and not change my medication without at least his input (which yes, I know). • the reasons I did it despite knowing that it's inadvisable are: 1) obviously I haven't been feeling depressed for a while or I wouldn't have done it, 2) the amount of endorphin-producing physical exercise I get from the new job felt like it could maybe do the trick so it was worth a try, 3) seeing how much my mom's medication has messed up her cognition over the years is scary. She's been taking way higher doses of antidepressants than me, along with other stuff, over a way longer period of time, but still. I don't want to be on it if it's not strictly necessary, so I wanted to try off. • I'm still taking my antipsychotic religiously and have no intention to stop that (I can't anyway or I won't be able to sleep and I'll definitely lose the job).

My plan with the antidepressant was to space out the doses and eventually get off it entirely for several weeks before reassessing, but after seeing that nurse, I started upping again to one dose every other day. I will admit, I was having suicidal thoughts after several days off, and now it's gone. Maybe I should find having suicidal thoughts more alarming than I do, the nurse's phrasing when she asked if I did - something that could translate to "no suicidals thoughts, riiight?" - was a good reminder that suicidal thoughts are really bad to have oh no. Of course I said no, why would I want her to interfere (leave me to make decisions for my own self thank you). Anyway, the appointment with my GP is in two days. He's gonna be useless on psych stuff but I guess getting his unqualified, predictable input is the responsible thing to do in polite society. More relevantly, the nurse also told me to go see him because my blood pressure is a bit low, or at least it was at 9/6 when she saw me, so I need to have it retaken and see what's up with that if anything.

And so yes, I have a ton of CC plans as always, I am positively drowning. Beside the two requests I mentioned above the cut, one of which I need to do a lot of learning for, I picked up work on Celestialspritz's beta Vincent skins and started converting afbodykimono for the usual roaster of breasted body shapes, like I did with afbodyqipao here and would like to do with more Happy Holiday Stuff outfits in the future. Although I told myself that I would stick to the body shapes that I've already done stuff for, I now also want to make a set of clothes for Lady Apple. I also have an idea about a set of scrawny body shapes for TU-EU inspired by Mrs Crumplebottom's body shape. I know Melodie9's slim family exists but to be honest those shapes creep me out and I want to see if I can do something less uncanny (it may end up looking too similar to the Androgyny body shapes, or to Faerie Gal, or it may not pan out at all, so don't hold your breath). I also want to do a ton of hairs in FakeBlood's palette + Naberius (tbh I'm still not 100% sure if I like Timebomb or Naberius more for my aliens, I need to figure that out once and for all). And of course I want to do more FtM & MtF hair conversions once I know how to do it well enough. There's a billion smaller projects I'd like to insert in between those, outfit conversions for one or a couple body shapes, repurposing of older meshes, a set of nude "outfits" for all the body shapes I do, etc.

#sims 2 #personal

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eloise-t-g · 8 months ago

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long post ahead. i wanted to respond to some of the things i've seen people saying about the watcher situation. i honestly just needed to get some of this stuff off my chest lmao.

"sorry, the bridge has been burnt and i can no longer support watcher" - valid.

"i'm happy with this compromise and will continue to watch their content" - valid.

"oh so they apologise, change nothing, and now people are happy to give them money?" - things have changed. they compromised and completely changed their plan for the new website. did you not watch the update video? they're also issuing refunds to anyone who wants one.

"i bet people who over-reacted feel real stupid now!" - some people over-reacted, but a lot of people had valid criticisms and concerns. they shouldn't feel stupid if they expressed it in a non-abusive way.

"yay, we successfully bullied them into changing their minds!" - you're ... you're proud that you bullied someone? this isn't fucking elon musk or jeff bezos. these guys aren't multibillionaires exploiting their employees. these are three youtubers who want to pay themselves and their employees a living wage, while making content they're proud of, and they made a simple fucking mistake. stop throwing around the term 'eat the rich' as though it applies here.

"the apology video is clearly PR!" - yes, watcher is a business. this is how a business responds to situations like this. they had abuse hurled at them for 48 hours straight, they shouldn't feel bad for wanting to make sure everything said in the video was 100% agreed upon and analysed beforehand.

"steven was clearly the one behind this, he should be fired or step down!" - was he? do you know that for a fact? cause from what i saw, all three of them got in front of the camera and made the announcement video together. i agree that he should step down as CEO, but only because they clearly need someone who has actual business experience leading them (if you remember, ryan and shane stepped down a while ago because they didn't want to deal with that side of the company anymore - in the same video, they thanked steven for being the sole reason watcher was still going).

"they shouldn't have been silent the whole weekend" - maybe so, but it's clear they went into lockdown/crisis mode. also, businesses aren't open on weekends. i think it's fair that they waited until monday and took their time with it. maybe they should have tweeted something like "we're sorry and we're working on an explanation", but that just would have given people another place to attack them.

"you're all being parasocial" - i've seen this used against both people who are supporting/giving the team the benefit of the doubt, and people who are against everything. a lot of people (myself included) have used this experience to realise they were developing/had developed a parasocial relationship with these men. this is a good thing - it allows us to recognise these things and make changes within ourselves.

i think generally people are more parasocial towards youtubers than celebrities in films and tv shows. YT feels like there is a barrier removed between the creators and us; it makes us feel like we know these people in a way that we don't know actors who are always playing different roles. YT makes it easier to believe we're seeing the real people, when we really don't know them at all.

"why should i pay someone who owns a tesla?" - you don't have to. also, steven has been working consistently for years. it doesn't surprise me that he has enough savings for an expensive car. people are allowed to own things that you and i can't afford.

"they're embarrassed to be youtubers" - might be true, who knows. but for me it feels more like they want to be taken seriously as filmmakers/television producers, and don't feel like they can do that on YT.

"there's clearly money mismanagement going on" - i think this is likely. i personally don't know what it's like to run a business like this, which is why i've been watching videos from other youtubers who do. since they're saying they don't know where the funds are going, i'm inclined to believe watcher's budget is way off what it should be.

"why didn't they initially say they were having money troubles and might close doors?" - i can see both sides of this. i believe they should have recognised that their audience would have been more receptive to this kind of honesty. however, if you're asking people to give you money, while also saying the venture might not work out, it doesn't engender a great deal of trust. why should i pay for a 12 month sub if it's possible watcher will fold in 6? who will be around to issue me a refund then?

"we were happy with blue and yellow text on a screen!" - valid, but it's clear that they weren't. they clearly want to push themselves further creatively. on the other hand, it definitely feels like they got impatient and wanted that future creation to start now, when they don't have the funds for it. they shouldn't have tried to force their loyal audience to pay for content the audience didn't ask for.

"i don't want to fund steven, andrew, and adam flying around the world eating expensive food." - very valid. i wonder how different things would have been if this 'Worth It' revival had come around 6 months earlier. it still would have been tone deaf in a global living crisis, but i don't think people would have been this upset. what i don't understand is them doing this show if they genuinely couldn't afford it, which is the implication i got from them announcing it just before announcing the paywall.

"why don't they move their office out of LA?" - that would be incredibly expensive, especially for a company that is struggling financially. they would have to uproot their entire lives, and would probably lose a great number of their staff who don't want to/can't move. they would have to completely start over, which is something i imagine they're desperately trying to avoid.

i think the cancel culture that has grown in popularity over the internet over the last few years has led people to believe that:

they can say whatever they want online with no consequences.

people aren't allowed to make a single mistake, and should understand that when they do, it's okay to for others to spew hate and awfulness towards them.

part of me doesn't even know why i made this post, i think i just got sick of seeing the same complaints and questions lmao.

#watcher #steven lim #ryan bergara #shane madej #watcher entertainment

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torukmaktoskxawng · 2 years ago

Text

tsamsiyu ta'em - old names, new faces

Masterlist - part two

Summary: Jake is preparing for war while also learning about the arrival of someone he thought he'd never see again

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

Word Count: 4k+

posted on ao3

Taglist: @mooniequeen (Thank you for requesting to be tagged! The fic is up now both on here and on ao3. First chapter was already posted but I went ahead and tagged you there as well!)

Warnings: canon-compliant, canon-typical violence, mature language, adult content, slow burn, polyamory, found family, cool aunt agenda, alien/human (technically avatar), jake sully sister agenda, time skips, I'm trying to hurry up and get to the good parts so bear with me, fluff, angst, adopted spider, tags to be added

PANDORA, 2169

Jake didn't want to waste a second of time. After General Frances Ardmore sent out a transmission to the natives of Pandora, warning the Na'vi and humans occupying Hell's Gate to surrender the former RDA facility before her arrival, he made sure to abandon it... but not before planting a few bugs.

Listening devices and motion alarms were placed, then Toruk Makto ordered the Na'vi and all humans who live among them to retreat to the forests, and just in time, too. A week later, one of the motion alarms pings and Norm informs Jake immediately. The two launch a small war party and swarm their former headquarters, attacking the RDA retrieval team Ardmore had sent out to inspect Hell's Gate. The foot soldiers were overwhelmed within minutes, and Jake covers Norm -who was using his human form- and Max while the two go through the new bit of technology provided while the other Na'vi and human warriors keep the RDA hostages contained.

Jake crouches until he can fit into the doorway of the control room, assault rifle nestled in his arms, "Think you can do this?"

"Of course not!" Norm snapped, his attitude spiking as he and Max frantically look through the database, "I told you I'm not a hacker, Jake--"

"Alright--"

"--Do you think every scientist has to go through a Hacker Course in the Academy of Code in the Land of Computers just to get into Yale?" Spellman asked sarcastically.

"Got it," Max exclaims without looking away from the screen, "And yes, Norm, that's exactly what happens."

"Dick," Norm muttered, running over to hover over one of Max's shoulders while Jake hovers over both of them in size.

"I'm impressed," Max mentions while looking through the database, "Everything is neat, tidy, brand new--"

"Don't be getting any bright ideas," Jake muttered, one of his dreadlocks moving down his shoulder.

"I'm just saying, though I can easily tell they weren't expecting someone on this moon to be capable of hacking into their data files. I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that they underestimate us. No firewall, no password, not even cookies. Should be easy to download as much intel as we want, but only within that small window before the RDA react and come running when they realize what we're doing."

"Let's start with an inventory count," Jake takes a breath into his oxygen mask, "How many guns and ships are we looking at?"

"Ten shuttles, easily. No telling what each of them carries. Let's see. Missile batteries, gun emplacements. Armed to the teeth. Uh..." Before he could look further, the computer screen freezes and reboots, "Shit."

"What was that?" Norm asked.

"They caught us in their systems. They shut me out."

Jake grits his teeth and his gun, "Max, get back in there."

"I can't!"

"Try! And when you get back in, try and at least download any information they got on Ardmore and what she's planning before the system shuts down again. Forget the weaponry."

Max huffs, anxiously blinking away the sweat dripping down his forehead and fogging up his glasses. He furiously works as the three men start shuffling nervously, man and Na'vi alike. The computer makes a new sound and Max smiles brightly, "I got it, I got it! 'System is back up and running!"

Jake huffs out a bit of air before pressing into his throat microphone, "Alright, people, we got five minutes before the RDA realizes Hell's Gate is back online and responds. Let's go, let's go!"

Max begins to download files under titles he thinks are important. He catches names like Ardmore, Na'vi, Bridgehead, and Avatar. Out of curiosity, he clicks the last one and a name pops up, one that Max has to read over and over again before he grasps it, "Jake... does the name Makayla Sully ring a bell?"

Jake felt as though someone had just punched him in the gut, spinning back toward Max and the computer, "What did you just say?"

Max transfers the information from the computer screen and onto his datapad with just his hand motion and a flick of the wrist. He reads the name out loud again before Jake crotches over his and snatches the tablet from his hands, "Gimme that."

The former human now olo'eykan nearly stood to full height, forgetting he was too big for a human-made compound, and bonked his head. He grimaced and his eyes trail over the data file, reading it once, twice, the name sticking to the forefront of his mind for the first time in years. A picture attached to the file draws out his reaction, his breath was nearly taken away, "Holy shit."

"Relative?" Max asked.

Norm looked at the name from the original computer screen and noticed the picture attached to it, eyes growing comically wide, "Oh, shit. That's his sister."

Max looked between Jake and Norm, eyes wide in shock and sympathy while Norm read the file out loud, "'Corporal Makayla Sully. Avatar driver.' You know, Tom mentioned something about his sister showing interest in joining the Marine Corps. She might be here because of you."

He says this last part to Jake and immediately begins to sputter and backtrack when Jake's ears lowered, "I-I-I mean-! Not that it's your fault or anything--"

"Gunships inbound!" A voice is heard over the radio, warning the three men in the control room.

"Shit, they're early!" Max proclaims while grabbing the datapad from Jake along with the rest of their things.

His shock now shattered, the marine part of Jake takes over and he grabs his assault rifle again, "Go, get outta here!"

He lets Norm and Max run out in front of him while they frantically pull their exo-masks and packs on. Jake takes up the rear and together they run out of the Hell's Gate facility. Outside, other Na'vi and humans await them, calling and whooping out in warning at the sounds of gunship blades coming from a distance. Jake hears the familiar echo of Neytiri's call and he runs in that direction, finding his ikran waiting for him alongside his mate and her mount. Jake forms the tsaheylu and jumps up onto Bob's back, waiting until he's sure Max and Norm have jumped into their respective gunship before shouting the order to leave and scatter, instructing his people in the radio to rendevous to make sure no one was followed before returning home. The entire way back, his mind was troubled, clouded, and angry, the name and picture still haunting the forefront of his mind.

~~~~~~~~~

BRIDGEHEAD CITY, RDA STRONGHOLD

She woke up that morning with a headache, feeling uncomfortable pressure behind her eyes and forcing her to close them again.

But Makayla didn't want to close them. She didn't want to go back to her dream, the one she had been having for a while now, even in her cryosleep. After waking from that hibernation, they had told her that it wasn't possible. You can't dream in cryosleep. She decided not to question it further, afraid that some doctor would find her mentally unwell and send her back to Earth when she had only just arrived on Pandora. So Kayla kept her mouth shut, never mentioning the ocean waves she remembered flying over in her dream, bluer and cleaner than she had ever seen back home.

The woman stood up and got ready for the day, alone and basking in the silence of her one-bedroom quarters stationed in Bridgehead City. Gelling her hair back to fit into a bun and donning her uniform, she tucks her tank top into her standard-issue army-style pants and combat boots before throwing over her jacket. Grabbing her exopack and spare, she headed out into this new world, reporting to the control room of this vastly growing city.

No one looked up from their duties when she entered the control room, but she looked on and made a beeline for the person she was meant to report to, keeping her posture stiff and back straight when she stood behind another woman in uniform, saluting her in respect, "General Ardmore."

An older, blonde-haired woman, hiding said hair under a hat turned at her name, hands behind her back while nodding down to the younger woman, "Corporal Sully. How was your beauty sleep?"

"Well rested and ready to go, ma'am."

"Excellent. Right this way."

Moving from the control room, Ardmore leads her new recruit into the bio-lab, crossing over to an amino tank, tapping the glass, and turning back to address the corporal, "So this is your vehicle here."

Makayla stepped forward, staring into the tank and inspecting her new ride. She paused, nearly stunned at the floating Na'vi-looking woman in the tank. The creature's eyes were closed, frowning, curled around herself like a fetus in the womb, but still obviously much taller than her human counterpart. She twitched occasionally, but otherwise never acknowledged her avatar driver's presence. Makayla refrained from touching the glass but stood in awe while inspecting the avatar's face. Pale blue skin with darker blue stripes, thin, dark eyebrows, a small flat nose, and long ears pinned to her skull. Makayla had the urge to touch her own cheekbones and small lips when looking at what was essentially a reflection. She recognized certain features on the avatar that was definitely hers whenever she looked into a mirror, astonished at how well-designed her Na'vi body looked to mirror her human self.

Ardmore didn't appear to notice Makayla's amazement, droning on while slowly swarming the tank, inspecting the creature inside with an upturned nose, "She's not much but it'll be passable. You've read up on avatar training, have you?"

Kayla's spell is broken and she straightens her posture, looking dutifully ahead and not at her avatar, "Yes, ma'am. Enough to know the controls."

"Good. Have you logged in time on the simulator?"

"Yes, though not as much as I wish I could. I still get nauseous."

Ardmore nods, "Time and gravity are different here, Corporal. From what I hear, it'll help with the brain link. Now I know I said when I first recruited you that this would be a simple in-and-out extraction, but things have changed and now the real test is whether or not you can adapt to that."

Kayla keeps her eyes forward despite wanting to show the general her determination, "I can adapt to anything you throw at me, General."

"I like to hear it." Ardmore moves her hand to pat Makayla's arm almost robotically, but the corporal took the hint and followed the general back outside, never daring to look back at her avatar. After instructing her recruit to follow suit and throw on an exopack, the two women step outside, casually strolling together on the catwalk standing high above the city. Ardmore points out to the jungle far beyond the dry landscape circling around the city, "Now, with the plan to bring the majority of humanity here, I need soldiers out there learning to adapt and become experts in this new world we intend to call home. Unfortunately, this atmosphere and environment aren't really friendly to our kind, hence why we formed the Kill Zone."

"The Kill Zone?"

"It's what that barren two-mile-wide field is. It surrounds the city to keep the native lifeforms at a safe distance. Everything here-- the plants, the animals, they want to kill us. So for now, we use the Kill Zone to keep them away and regularly treat it with herbicides to keep anything from growing."

"And to keep anything from attacking?"

"That's what the automated weapons surrounding the city wall are for, Corporal. We're not taking any chances, but we can't be in the defensive position forever. Eventually, we'll have to fight back. With the entire flora and fauna of this moon wanting to attack us, we need to compromise it. Hence why we brought back the Avatar Program. We need avatar soldiers whose DNA will not trigger this moon's immune response. With new soldiers trained for the most hostile environments, we believe that if we link them with these avatars, we can assess and observe whether or not it will be easy for normal civilians to take on avatars."

Kayla's stone expression slips temporarily, eyes widening for a fraction of a second, "You want everyone to have an avatar eventually?"

Ardmore shrugs while tapping on the glass of her mask, "Humanity can't adapt overnight. If we want this place to be our new home, we'll need to be able to breathe the air and hunt and gather resources safely. Unfortunately, it is unclear how long a human could possibly link to their avatar before they have to disconnect. That is where you come in. We'll be testing this experiment through you. Any questions?"

"Just one, General." She hesitates as Ardmore turns to her, but Kayla blinks, rolls her lips, and says it anyway, "My brother's remains. When will I be able to go and search for them?"

A shadow passes the older woman's eyes before it retreats to the corners of her whites. Kayla knew it was a stupid question to ask, but Ardmore's usual stone voice changed to ice cold and she answered it anyway, "Once the labcoats are confident you can withstand longer link periods, we'll fly you out and drop you off at your brother's last known whereabouts before he was deemed killed in action. Understand that we can't waste a ton of manpower on this impossible body retrieval, but a deal's a deal. I'll send you out and send you a ride home once you call it in, but that's it. Otherwise, you're on your own, Corporal."

"Yes, ma'am. I understand."

~~~~~~~~~

HIGH CAMP, OMATIKAYA STRONGHOLD

The war party returns to their stronghold in the Hallelujah Mountains, and Jake's mind is still far away from him. After landing his ikran and breaking the bond, he felt his feet moving over to Max after the scientist hopped off the gunship with the same war paint Trudy's ship bore as a tribute. Jake easily towers over Max, asking him if he could have a look at the datapad he carried with their newly acquired information. Max flashed a look of understanding before handing the tablet over and walking away without another word.

Jake turned to leave as well, only he did so in the direction of his mate. Neytiri broke away from her ikran when she noticed Toruk Makto approaching her with a troubled look on his face, her ears stiffening at the sense of something being wrong.

"Ma Jake--"

"I have something to tell you," he gently cuts her off, and something in Neytiri's stomach drops, "Something I never told you before."

Subtly and easing into conversation had never been her husband's strongest suit. Neytiri felt cold and slightly fearful while staring down her mate, conflicted, trying to figure out what he could've hidden from her. It wasn't the first time he lied to her, earning her trust and betraying her, even when he had the best intentions. Over the years, Neytiri learned to forgive her mate for his past mistakes, including the one that concluded the death of her father and the destruction of her home. Still, hearing Jake admit that he hasn't told her everything made her heart sink with worry.

Nodding off to the side, she moves away from the campsite and Jake dutifully follows. Once they were out of earshot, she silently turned to him and folds her arms, waiting for him to spill, and he does, "I have a sister. Her name is Makayla."

Her tail curls in attention, lips parting in a silent gasp as she stares at him in disbelief, "You... you told me you had a twin brother."

"Yeah, I did. Tommy," Jake indicated toward himself, "This body was meant to be his avatar before he died and I took his place."

"And your sister?" The words felt strange on her tongue, her mind not yet convinced that Jake even has another sibling, much less a sister, "Why tell me now?"

His eyes swam with guilt, an emotion he knows better than to hide from his wife. Neytiri hadn't seen guilt like that on his face ever since he accidentally stepped on Little Kiri's tail and made her scream bloody murder. His eyes were wide and sad as if he had just accidentally killed the most beautiful, innocent creature in the world most sacred to Eywa. He looked as though he had betrayed Neytiri's trust all over again after telling her the truth behind the Sky People wanting the Omatikaya to leave Hometree. Decades worth of sadness and regret were evident in his eyes and aged him beyond his years, "Because she's here, with the Sky People."

He swipes across the screen of the datapad and offers the tablet to her. Neytiri stepped closer and caught sight of a picture on the screen. It was the picture of a human woman, with a blank expression as she stared directly into the camera head-on. She was middle-aged at most, likely more around Neytiri's age than Jake's, but she carried her shoulders and eyes to appear much older, kind of like how Jake looked now when examining the picture.

Neytiri is not sure what the Sky People deemed 'pretty' among their own species, so she didn't bother complimenting the picture, especially since she wouldn't have meant it. "That is her?"

"Yeah."

"Why is she here?"

Jake scrolls down the screen as he read, "This file mentions that she was recruited for the next step in the avatar program. Which means she'll most likely have a Na'vi body of her own."

Her eyes narrow but she doesn't say a word against the statement. 'Na'vi' is a loose term when it comes to the Sky People creating avatar bodies to walk among Neytiri's people. They never got certain features right, such as their hands and eyes. However, Neytiri can't find it within herself to be disgusted by those features anymore, not like she used to. Not when the man she fell in love with had those same features. Not when one of her sons and adopted daughter bore those same features. It was hard for Neytiri to imagine what an avatar would look like for Jake's sister and part of her didn't want to find out.

"What is the plan?" She sternly asked her husband, carefully watching his eyes, "Hm? What do you want to do?"

His ears are still lowered, definitely sensing the distrust in Neytiri's voice while he carefully answered, "I want to grab her and pull her out of there."

"Jake." She pitied her husband, detecting the hope in his eyes and she hated the fact that she must be the one to squash it, "Your sister is of the Sky People."

"So was I. Once," he tucked the datapad under his arm and placed both of his hands on her shoulders, keeping their eyes locked as he gently spoke, "But everything changed when I met you. If I can meet with her, I'm sure I can convince her to stay with us."

"... Older or younger than you?"

"Younger." He knew by then, he had won his wife over. Her tail flicked with curiosity at his answer along with her eyes before she tried her best to mask it. Both of them knew what the other was thinking, and the Na'vi woman was currently thinking about how much she missed her own sister. "Neytiri... I let her down once. I can't do it again."

"... And you won't."

~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few weeks, Makayla had been syncing with her avatar and learning how to move in her new body before heading out of the safety of the city. She kept close at first, not wanting to push it, and went one day at a time. Eventually, one mile became two, and after the first couple of weeks, she had branched out to a couple of hundred leagues. Thankfully, there weren't any mirrors out in the wilds of Pandora. She still had difficulty looking at her reflection, not expecting blue skin, big ears, and yellow eyes. However, she appreciated the new body in other ways, such as speed and agility. Kayla managed to pull stunts that she could have never done back home, least of all in her own body.

With the speedy progress she was making, Ardmore and the RDA scientists granted her permission to venture out days at a time, entrusting her with a radio and food rations but not much else per Ardmore's warning of little supplies available to be wasted. Makayla didn't mind. She had plenty of training to prepare her for survival, and although those survival tips were meant to help her thrive in climates unfamiliar to Pandora, she considered this as a challenge.

There were well-known sites of Pandora in the RDA database, stretched around familiar areas and marked as 'forbidden'. Kayla found herself at some of these sites, thinking of the possibility of finding her brother's body in these marked places. She had gone to Hell's Gate but found nothing other than whatever was left abandoned there. RDA had already cleared out what had been left by Na'vi and their human sympathizers that Ardmore warned Kayla about... though they took heavy losses because Hell's Gate had been rigged before their arrival. Unbeknownst to Kayla, she herself had set off an alarm when scavenging through the old military base, but she never saw or heard anything. The alarm had gone off elsewhere, far out into the floating mountains hundreds of miles away.

Taking her time around the abandoned base, Kayla kept her rifle under her arm and her newly-acquired, sensitive ears on high alert, turning this way and that at even the slightest of sounds. So of course, she immediately hears the sounds of bird screeches, only... they sound bigger, coming closer with multiples echoing off each other, along with the heavy sounds of large wings.

Kayla immediately takes cover, hiding in a large hangar meant to store gunships during those violent electrical storms she was warned about. Trying to make herself small by pressing against the wall as tight she could, she tried to calm her breath and slow down her heartbeat as she hears the thunderous sounds of dozens of large animals landing on the ground. Kayla could feel the stomps with her own two feet, not liking the idea of the danger being so close, she made sure her weapon was loaded, trying to stay quiet.

"Fan out! No lethals. We capture alive."

A loud voice booms and it's echoed by several yips and calls of acknowledgment. Makayla tried counting but lost count after six. Multiple footsteps can be heard scattering around the entire facility, and to her horror, a handful was coming in Kayla's direction. She takes a deep breath, willing herself to calm down. Slowly, carefully, she turns on her heels until she's fully facing the open hangar door, hoisting her rifle up until she's able to peek into the sights. She was ready to take out whoever came through that door, her eyes flickering down at the long shadows slowly approaching the doorway.

Too bad she had no one to cover her six because, with one flick of her ear, she realized her mistake. Spinning around, she's met with a swift kick of someone's leg, throwing her back and forcing her hands to let go of her gun, letting the weapon skitter across the floor. Kayla grunts at the impact, trying to quickly scurry to her feet as loud war cries echo all around her, bouncing off the walls of the empty hangar. Standing up and unsheathing her knife, she's completely surrounded by Na'vi, snarls and hisses being spat at her feet while having dozens of weaponry pointed at her. Spears, arrows, knives... even heavy artillery of human-make, like a shoulder-held grenade launcher. Kayla had to admit, that made her pause and stare oddly at the Na'vi warrior holding a weapon she was more familiar with before the sound of more people running into the hangar drew her attention away.

Kayla spun around at all the people surrounding her, pointing her knife at each of them as she screamed, "Stay back!"

They only hiss or ululate in response, glaring sharply at the female marine with bright yellow eyes that now match hers. They begin to close in around her, tightening up their formation, and she could feel her heart beginning to sink to her stomach as she gripped her knife tighter.

"Waitwaitwait! Hold your fire!"

The Na'vi all pause, slowly calming down and some break out of the circle to make way for their leader. Or, at least, that's who Kayla figured this particular male Na'vi was. He looked like the leader, with his war paint and many feather and beads adorning the braids of his hair and loincloth. However, there was something about his attire that made him stand out and that was the army-green vest, clearly of human fashion. Kayla fully turned to face the Na'vi male, her eyes briefly shifting to the side when a Na'vi female walked close behind him, otherwise, Kayla kept her eyes forward and focused on the leader.

The leader appeared hesitant, even hopeful, his ears flicking curiously to the side while closely inspecting her, "What's your name?"

She clocks in on the accent, recognizing the clear words to be something from her home world. And... oddly, it sounded familiar, though she couldn't place it. Lookely closely, she realized that this Na'vi was different from the others, apart from the fashion. This leader bore five digits on each hand and bore eyebrow hairs, much like herself. This wasn't a Na'vi at all. This was an avatar.

"... You sound American. You know English."

He flashed a brief smirk of amusement, "I know a lot more than that. Your name?"

She shifts her gaze around at all the Na'vi people staring menacingly at her. What harm could her first name be? "Makayla."

Something deflates in the leader's posture and expression. Shock and relief mix together in his eyes, "Jesus. It really is you."

Her eyebrows furrow, head tilting ever so slightly with curiosity, "Do I know you?"

"Kayla, it's me. It's Jake."

Her entire posture stiffens, face freezing in the expression of curiosity. She didn't move a muscle let alone remember to breathe, eyes only ever staring at the leader ahead of her, now calling himself Jake. Slowly, she takes a careful step forward, growing nervous, inspecting the man's face every time she stepped closer to get a better look. Jake's posture continued to soften, trying not to appear intimidating so that she would bravely step up to him. As she got closer, Jake clearly recognized her in certain features her avatar inherited, but he didn't voice it. Instead, he remained patient, letting his sister take her time.

What he wasn't expecting, however, was when she got close enough, Kayla quickly reached out and grabbed him, roughly spinning him around and holding him in front of her body like a shield while yelps and hollers of distress sound out all around the pair. The Na'vi all cry out in warning as they raise their weapons once more, becoming infuriated when Kayla remembered her knife and pressed the blade against Jake's neck, snarling into his ear, "How the hell do you know my brother's name?!"

"Kayla--"

"Tell me!"

Neytiri's bow was raised, an arrow aimed directly at Kayla's head, but she appeared hesitant, "Ma Jake--"

Jake lifted his arms out to his people, trying to block Kayla from their weapons, "Hold! Hold! Don't hurt her."

When none of them moved, Jake tried his best to talk down to the woman currently holding him hostage. Height wise she was a couple of inches shorter than him, but the knife pressed into his skin told Jake that height clearly didn't matter, "Kayla... calm down. It's me, I swear."

Her voice cracked, but in rage or distress, Jake wasn't sure of, "No, you're lying. My brother was killed in action!"

He grimaced, "That's likely a lie the RDA came up with for insurance reasons. There's a lot you don't know but if you--" her knife knocked his skin in warning, but he forced his words out, this time louder and less calm, "if you would just let me explain!"

"You're not him!" She screamed in his ear, her breaths becoming irregular, "You're not-- you can't be--"

"I can prove it," he spoke sternly, confidently, getting right down to the point, "You tried wine for the first time when you were sixteen, stealing a small glass from Mom. Instead of spitting it out, you tried finishing the glass like an idiot because Tommy told you not to. Mom and Dad locked you in the bathroom the next day because you were so sick and they made him clean it up because he didn't stop you."

The whole world felt as though it paused mid-rotation, the ground, and sky beneath them holding their breath, awaiting a response. He couldn't see her face, but Jake noticed the grip around her knife had loosened a fraction, and it was slowly moving away from his neck. Slowly, he slipped out of her hold by his own accord, slowly turning around so as not to spook her. Kayla's knife clatters to the ground and Neytiri forces herself to relax, lowering her bow and nodding for the others to follow suit.

Makayla studies Jake's face more closely this time, depicting certain features that she recognized to belong to a Sully, in some way shape or form. She couldn't explain how she knew... but it was the same reason why she was able to identify her avatar as her own, knowing certain features stem from both avatar and human form.

"Jake..." She exhaled under her breath, her voice quieter than before. Kayla took a step closer and the Na'vi people shuffled nervously. Jake kept perfectly still, remaining under her observation until something clicked behind her eyes like the gears had just suddenly shifted into place. Her eyes widen in shock, relief, and above all, joy, "Jake!"

She jumps into his arms, her full body shaking being the only sign of the woman ever crying.

A/N: If you'd like to be tagged, lemme know!

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arizonaconservativegal · 1 month ago

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Thanks for replying. I didn't think to check here until after work. I believe that you truly believe that your side isn't that bad and I'm under some sort of media hypnotism. Maybe I am and have turned into an elitist snob. I just don't get how you don't see conservative Christians as problems- you are aware when they talk about "religious freedom," they're usually only talking about the right to be obnoxiously Christian in public, right? I know very few conservative Christians whose idea of the religious freedom of others is "I don't want to ever see or hear about it and if you expose my kids to it I'll throw a huge fucking fit." These are the people who fight against evolution and sex ed in schools. I don't get it, man. But that's whatever, we're not going to agree. But...I really do hope you're right.

Anyways, what's your favorite Star Wars era? Do you prefer pre- or post Disney EU? I really like pre-Disney EU so I'm biased towards them and I am weird because I actually really like the New Jedi Order era. (And the pre-Filoni Clone Wars.)

Thanks for talking, even if it wasn't pleasant.

Matt-the-Atheist

Hello again Matt-the-Atheist. I'm actually enjoying our little chat.

Frankly I don't mind if people want to be obnoxiously Christian in public. I'm actually fully in support of their right to do so. That's cool with me. It hurts no one. And suggesting that it's a bad thing if they do so sounds kinda "I don't want to ever see or hear about it and if you expose my kids to it I'll throw a huge fucking fit" if you ask me.

As for people who fight against evolution in schools, that's a pretty tiny minority - I've literally never met one. I might grant you the point on sex ed, to an extent - that does tend to be a point of contention because if you ask ten people (Christians or otherwise) what the appropriate curriculum would be for any given age group, you'll get ten different answers.

Far more importantly though: Star Wars.

My favorite era is definitely that classic OT rebellion era and I'm also really fascinated by the fall of the Republic / early days of the Empire. I probably lean a bit more towards the pre-Disney stuff overall but there's plenty to love and hate about both timelines so I just pick and choose what I like from each and mash 'em all up together in a way that makes no sense to anyone else and ignore the rest and I'm perfectly happy lol.

Oh man New Jedi Order? I applaud the effort to do something different but I must admit I had a hard time with those books. I'm not really sure why. I did really like the legacy era after that though, much more than I expected. It's a fucking trip but it was fun.

Do you have a favorite character, canon or otherwise?

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navyhealthyglow · 1 month ago

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a fresh start - glow up guide no.1

HAVE YOU EVER WANTED SOMETHING SO BAD, BUT DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START?

Me too, and that's why we're focusing on this today. Here is what you need to do, to start your glow up era with a bang 😎

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Welcome to the first post of the Glow Up Guide series! In this series I'll be discussing everything you need to know step by step, so you can have your best glow up and become your highest self.

Let's begin! ⭐💙

STEP ONE - DECLUTTER

Before we begin, put your phone down for a bit and declutter your room. You can go as crazy or little as you wish, however I prefer to do a deep clean. Dust your shelves, counters, vacuum the floor, clean out your closet etc. Make sure your desk is organized, you know where your stuff is and everything looks neat. A fresh environment supports a fresh mind, so let's start here. If you wish, you can also throw out your old clothes and replace them with new pieces. Although don't feel pressured to do so, we're trying to glow up here, not spend a reckless amount of money.

STEP TWO - JOURNAL

How can we start our glow up journey without knowing where we are now? So grab your journal, a piece of paper or open your notes app. Write down what your situation is and why is it happening. Explain what would you like to change and acknowledge your starting position. This will help us set realistic goals later on.

STEP THREE - VISION

First two steps done, bravo! Let's keep it up then and now think about who do we want to become. Write down your vision. Who is this person? What do they look like? What do they like/dislike? What are their boundaries, beliefs? How do they act, dress, workout, eat, etc... If you're having troubles with creating your vision, don't worry, I'll make a post about it soon, but until then just look some prompts on pinterest 😽

STEP FOUR - GOALS

Now we have that, write down what do you want to achieve before 2024 ends. This can be anything depending on your personal glow up preference. If you don't know what you want to accomplish yet, don't worry. Here are some goal examples for you: ⟶ read three non-fiction books ⟶ implement a morning and evening routine ⟶ finish a project ⟶ get a certain grade ⟶ prioritize sleep and self care ⟶ focus on your gut health and diet ⟶ save 500$ These are just some examples you can use, but remember to find a goal thats meaningful to YOU! If you're reading this after 2024 ends, just write down your goals for the next three months.

STEP FIVE - PLAN!

It's time for the last step - planning. Review what you wrote about your goals, your vision and where you are now. Now take it and break it down into weekly goals, and break them down to bite sized habits that you can implement daily! Here is an example: If my goal is to get fit, first I'll start drinking more water and cut out processed foods. I will buy a gym membership or find an activity that works for me (walking, running, dance, swimming, etc.) and do it regularly, let's say 3 times a week. I'll also move my body daily and try to get at least 7k steps in. This is just an example, but this is basically how this works. If you need help with planning your schedule, feel free to use AI as a tool. Tell it to create a glow up plan according to your current situation and your vision and adjust it to your needs. A tip I found very helpful, is to put everything like workouts, classes and plans in a weekly calendar. This will help you stay organized and keep up with your plans. I'll show you how I did mine below!

You can find these free templates on canva, picsart and pinterest! I got mine here.

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

That's the end of todays post. I hope you had a great time reading it, and let me know if you'd like to see more content like this from me!

I can't wait to hear what you planned for your glow up in the comments, feel free to share<3

Find me here: 🤍💿

#navyhealthyglow - all my og content #navyhealthytips - glow up tips #navyhealthyjourney - my glow up journey

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alicepao13 · 1 month ago

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Hudson and Rex S04E06 - Dead Man's Bridge

I like this episode. Road heist.

Black letters in quotes: Actual show quotes.

Green letters in quotes: What I come up with my twisted brain.

So, today's mission, should you choose to accept it, is to escort a truck full of highly explosive content. At no point did I focus on what exactly it was and I'm sure it's for the best.

Eek. Back off.

"You know what they say about the size of a man's truck?" "The bigger it is, the more he's compensating for something?" Damn, Sarah. Go off.

Charlie is like, I will not get in the middle of this and come off as a caveman. Good choice.

"It's been five minutes since you last petted me."

"When it comes to food, Rex will do pretty much anything." Good for him, really. I wish humans were motivated only by food.

"I was just hoping to write down some of this guy's pickup lines." lol Charlie. I mean, it's hard to decide if it's worse to have this kind of pickup lines or no pickup lines at all.

Okay, why were we expecting from Sarah to think that Charlie even liked her romantically? Look at how that doofus responds when he realizes that Sarah may actually not be single! And then he moans like a cow. Sorry, I'm sure that this sounds like a bad thing to write but... What the fuck is wrong with him?!?! He's like "Girlfriend, spill! I want to hear everything about your new beau".

You can see from a few of his expressions afterwards that he's not loving it but... Seriously, I'm having secondhand embarrassment.

On a deeper analysis, he probably reacted like that because he was blindsided with the news. Although I'm not far from headcanoning that any sex he's had with a woman post-divorce must have been after the woman made the first move and he literally has no idea how to make the first move. And it wouldn't be my fault if I did.

"I learned to trust Rex's instincts." And it was a painful process lol. To be fair, every good crime show must have partners who at some point will doubt each other. Only ours is a bit one-sided because... dog.

Hey! Only we can call him that.

Joe: "Tell me you've heard of the movie Sorcerer?" Jesse: "What year did that come out?" Joe: "Not that long ago. Late 70s maybe." Jesse: "Oh, so before I was born then." Dude!

Splitting up is a bad idea, but thank you for doing it anyway. I like that Charlie is worrying about leaving Sarah with a dude who's been flirting with her from the moment he saw her, and that she worries about whatever and whomever he might find.

"Rex won't let anything happen to me." You've been banged up how many times?

Sorcerer: "Alone at last." Boy, you're really angling for a second concussion, aren't you?

Sarah's quick thinking as soon as she sees the other woman approaching, to hide her phone, might have saved everyone's lives.

"Everything was going perfectly until you and your team showed out of the blue." Sorry for doing our jobs.

He definitely lingers a bit as he searches her. Although it's barely there because we're that kind of show. Like, in any other show, we'd get a shot of Sarah's reaction to this, in this one we don't. Anyway, fuck off, dude, and I did have a vague "I hope you die in a ditch" feeling about him which I didn't remember why that was (aside from the lame comments and the whole setup thing, that is), but I couldn't remember why. I took a screenshot, but when paused it seems like more is happening and I didn't want to have that on here.

They didn't even tie her up. Amateur hour.

One day someone can explain to me how Charlie seems to hear a car only when it's right in his face. In this case, two SUVs which had to travel on a bumpy road too, so they'd be extra loud.

"Tell your men to stand down." "Why would I do that?" Why, indeed. They've got the numbers. And they've surrounded you.

"Where it stands?" Fuck off.

Kai's not much of a dog lover unlike Mankiewicz. Although, saying that Rex is Charlie's weakness in this case, when they're surrounded by bad guys... I mean, what else would Charlie do, try to shoot his way through them? They'd fill him with holes. In this case, Charlie is Rex's witness, because Rex could have run away from there but he stayed because of Charlie.

"It's okay." "It is not okay, Charlie, you're tripping!"

Six months for taking over a police station. Yeah, that deal would happen.

One more time that Charlie managed to get cuffed. I don't hate it.

Charlie, you dummy, you should have commanded Rex to run ages ago.

"I don't like this plan."

I haven't commented much on Jesse and Joe because they just seem to be getting pissy with each other. And it's so not the time for that.

If you're going to blow them up, then why would you not shoot them? Bad guy logic.

Sarah is asking endless questions. Act like a hostage, keep your head down.

Sorcerer definitely overshares.

"They hit me really hard." He literally whined lmao

I don't think sass will get you far in this case, Sarah.

"Love does funny things to a man." That seems to be the tagline of the season.

Charlie to Rex: "If you have any ideas, now is the time to share." And Rex actually has one. I will never apologize for calling Charlie a himbo.

So, like, how fast can dogs dig? I really have no idea about this. But this isn't soft terrain.

Those two have two braincells between them but the lady's got both of them.

Work them, Sarah, they're both idiots.

"Work with me in Major Crimes, he said. It will be fun, he said. He didn't mention how many time's I'll have to save his ass. I need a raise."

They're cute.

Hands. Also, looks like some abrasions from the cuffs. I hope it's makeup?

Trucker!Charlie. Fun fact, Moser (original Rex's first partner) was a trucker before becoming a policeman. Not sure they ever gave a full explanation for the change in careers, but he was a bit of a troublemaker and had some kind of mentor figure who guided him to join the police, who also often helped with cases.

Another fun fact, you need a special license to drive this beast, so it's definitely not John Reardon driving it.

No, we're stuck! Dump the truck and run!

I wonder if that dimwit Kai remembers Sarah as Charlie's "girlfriend".

Good of Joe to notice that Sarah sent the message to everyone, so she must be separated from Charlie.

Yep, that explosion is who you think it is, guys.

Yeah, too close for you two to have gotten away with it, but I'll let it slide, for the sake of the drama. And the whump. Nice scratches.

Joe: "You guys really do know how to make an entrance." Charlie: "I'm just glad it wasn't en exit." lol

"High risk, high reward" is something that could maybe go right for you if you're risking your savings, not your life.

Charlie: "Are Sarah and Sorcerer still with this other car?" Joe and Jesse: "Uh-oh, who's gonna tell him?"

Yes! Cue the angst and self-blame. Also, where the hell did the rest of the scratches go already?

Angel: "He's a businessman." Sarah: "No. He's a criminal." A businessman! Can you believe it?

I like Sarah's subtle reaction to Kai telling her that Charlie and Rex got blown up because she knows that a) Kai could very well be bullshitting her and b) Charlie and Rex have more lives than a cat which is funny, considering.

Oh, man, I completely forgot that Kai actually talked about Charlie having nine lives. Anyway, I'll just focus on the fact that Charlie and Joe are finally using the car as cover in a proper way.

I think that backup made unrealistically good time to arrive literally a minute after them.

"Letting me get that text out probably saved all our lives. I'll pass that information on to your defense attorney." What are you talking about, you literally had to con them into believing they wouldn't get their money to send that text.

Jesse, down. This one will eat you for breakfast.

He wants to shove you somewhere deep enough that you won't be able to crawl out of, actually.

Go ahead, buddy, gloat. You've earned it.

Charlie: "I call first shower when we get home." Now that would be a bad idea, unless this dog also showers himself.

I consider this a good episode. I'd have liked a bit of an ending scene with the team. I'd have liked to have seen Sarah's reaction to seeing Charlie and Rex alive. Charlie's reaction to the information that Sarah is dating is odd as I pointed out but not completely unreasonable. Tactically, I'm sure the team made a few mistakes but I'm not sure they'd have gotten Kai if they hadn't made them. Joe and Jesse's pissy moments aren't my favorite, but I guess I understand that being stuck in the same car when you're chasing a truck moving explosives may do that to you. Rex is probably learning a new trick every episode at this rate. I haven't counted.

#the great hudson and rex rewatch of 2024

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hel-phoenyx · 5 days ago

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New year's Eve, part 18

A thing a lil bit shorter to put out some context and introspection before linking back all the plotlines

"Would you tell me about your family ?"

again ? This is like, the third time a shrink has asked me this question. Usually it's the moment I get up and leave, 'cause I didn't come here to hear the usual talk about "mommy issues" or whatnot. Like every psychiatrist wants to diagnose you with childhood problems.

I don't know why I don't do the same, now.

Maybe because it's not formulated like "so. Tell me about your mother".

Or because it just came in the conversation.

"Not a lot to tell, I'm afraid. I'm a third-generation immigrant, I told you. Born in Denmark from a Danish father, that gave me a Dane name and surname. Whole family followed him here in France, including the grandmas and grandpas, the aunts and uncles, and my gaggle of siblings."

"That is, actually, quite a lot to tell."

Yeah, yeah, shrinks and their tendency to overanalyse things. I know that damn well.

I don't like feeling like the circus freak.

"Sure, sure, whatever."

"You said you are siblings. Are they older or younger than you ?"

"Most of them are older. I'm the youngest."

Wasn't always.

...

Why are you looking at me ?

I hate this silence.

"Most of my sibs work blue collar jobs. Like my parents. We're not well off, exactly, so I have to, y'know, provide..."

"With a cop's salary ?"

I nod.

"Yeah. It's not much, but with the police funding in France, it's way better than most of the jobs I can do. So gotta feed all those mouths, even if they look at me with betrayal."

Because who would dare imagine a son of immigrants, born from a devout Muslim mother and a blue collar father, with a family cops would hate and persecute until they "get back to their country", join the enemy ? Islamophobia is not a new thing in France. It was there when I first came in.

I was a rowdy kid. The only thing white-passing in me were my blue eyes. So of course I knew firsthand what racism can do to someone. I still chose to join a career that promotes it.

"It's the only reason ?"

"No, not quite. I wanted to be an insider, yaknow ? Change the system. Do something."

Even if I have to betray what some people call a coven. It's what I do best, after all. Betray my family. Betray my friends. Betray my heritage.

Betray. Betray. Betray.

I am the class traitor, the race traitor, the everything traitor.

Why wouldn't I use that for my advantage ?

"You're very political, I recall. from our last talks, I remember a lot of anger about the system in you."

"Who wouldn't be ?"

Well, a lot of people are perfectly content with that. It's why I'm angry. Because I can't fathom a mind where there's no anger toward all that injustice.

Stop looking at me.

"Who wouldn't be ? It's infuriating. I see people afraid to talk back while some racist, privilegied fuckers can destroy a culture while laughing. A culture, or a person. Hell, I've been outed in my precinct some time ago, and... And..."

And I act like it doesn't affect me because I can't retaliate, because it would hurt people I care about, and because everyone is already looking at me weird. I've lost all credibility in the post now that I am the gay cop. i'm not even gay.

I don't know anymore.

Stop with those eyes.

"And now I am not even my own damn person, goddamnit ! I am back to being the token something ! First it was the token brown, now it's the token gay, hell, I'm not even gay !"

I'm aroace. I'm aroace, goddamnit. Thorfinn coined in the damn word for me after years of thinking I was broken. That something was missing. That everybody telling me brown people are subhuman was right because I was a living proof of it.

I can't even tell you that because you would tell me I am broken, too. I'm not even sure I am not.

Stop looking.

"I'm sick of not being my own person, do you fucking get it ?! I want to be myself and not the "something" of someone ! and all the people that saw me as myself are turning away from me and I am alone and I want to fix that and I need to do something so they get back at me and... and... and..."

And that something would go against everything I fought for.

Use my privilege to my advantage. Destroy friendships, expose weaknesses, attack on what people are.

Provoke a damn police descent at a family whose only crime is to be racised and related to someone I want dead.

Stop.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop !!!!!!

"Stop looking at me with those goddamn eyes !"

I raise my fist.

It's the same eyes

The same eyes as him

But on me this time.

Stop looking at me

Stop

"You get the fuck out of here, Fen. Now."

...

I sit back.

I can't.

He's still sat down. His eyes are not worried. They're calm. It's not him. It's not him. It's not him.

"Take a deep breath, mister Wolffsen."

I'm trying.

He's still sat down.

"You can destroy everything you want in my office, I won't mind. I'll just ask you to not redirect that anger on me, alright ? I can't listen if I'm knocked out."

I nod. can't do much more. My throat is blocked by something. I think that if I open my mouth, it will flow down in an ugly way.

Ugly.

Gross.

Like everything inside.

"You mentioned people that saw you as you. Can you talk to me more about them ?"

I wish for nothing less.

But I have no choice, do I ? I have no choice because Gustav clearly told me that if I didn't get therapy, I would lose him, and Kriss, and everything. Because Thorfinn is starting to look at me with those eyes I can't read while he once told me everything.

Because I haven't talked to Tyr since my last attempt at reconnexion.

"I... Met them in elementary. All of them. We were in different classes, but we were all singled out for a reason."

I was brown. Brynja was from the system, and entered the school in CE2 while everyone know each other since the first class. Thorfinn was "the tomboy", and they were an orphan switching families after families. Gustav was the son of a known murderer. Hector had facial difformities and an obvious Muslim surname. Aarni came from an alcoholic middle-eastern family.

Tyr was the prodigal son of rich, old blood.

"Alone people stick together. Even if... They start making other friends, in the meantime."

"You didn't want them to have other poeple ?"

"I did.... It's just...."

Deep breath.

"... No, I didn't. I was jealous. I had only them."

Them, the only people not looking at me like a freak. And Tyr, the first one extending his hand to me and asking if I wanted to play tag.

"It's still the case today ?"

... Why ?

Why would you ask me that ?

"... Yes."

"Why ?"

Shut up. Don't make me say it. Shut up.

Not those eyes.

Stop looking at me like you're listening, like I can continue talking.

"Because... They're the only ones who saw something in me."

"And now you're afraid they will leave you for people you consider better."

....

Shut up.

The shrink nods. A little smile on his face. At the same time, I hear a timer ring.

"I'm afraid the session is over, mister Wolffsen. I am sorry we reached such a conclusion so close from the end. Would a new appointment next week be okay with you ?"

"I.... Guess ?"

"Also, we will need to talk about the next step of your therapy. You have mood swings of an unusual violence, he says while writing on his notepad. I can teach you some exercices to keep your anger in check. For example, I suggest that until next time we see each other, each time you feel that rage coming, you try shifting to a more comfortable position. Keep the clenched fists in check. Concentrate on that for at least one minute. See if it helps."

This

I think this is the first time

Someone doesn't tell me to just suck it up.

"Music, too, can help. Relaxing music. Do you like piano, mister Wolffsen ?"

"never... Listened to it. It's for rich people."

Said my father.

"Not anymore with YouTube and all the streaming services. Who knows, maybe you will discover a passion."

He extends a hand.

Smiling.

"Until next time, mister Wolffsen."

#lysara #lysara ibruael #hel ocs #hel stories #hel writing #not my ocs #lysara modern au #AND HERE YOU GO FENRIR IN THERAPY :D #that man has issues #deep-rooted ones :)

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crimsonrose418 · 4 months ago

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Chapter 1-1/27/2030

Damian priest: archer of lust (tw: sexual content) chapters 1-23 (chapters 24-39 will be included in a separate post

I was at LAX waiting to board a flight to France, when a man in a black hoodie walked towards me. He sat down next to me and said, "where are you headed?" I said, "I'm going to Paris." He sat there for a minute without saying anything. Then he said,"Really? me too!" "What's your seat number?" I pull out my ticket and show him. We board the plane without saying anything to each other, until we find out that we're sitting right next to each other. He already knows my name because I showed him my ticket. So I decided to ask him, "What's your name?" He responds, "Damian." We sit and talk for hours, until eventually I fall asleep.

Chapter 2-1/28/2030

A few hours later, Damian gently touches my shoulder and says "Wake up beautiful, we're here." We get off the plane and exchange numbers. I pick up my baggage and take a taxi to my hotel so I can shower and unpack. Fifteen minutes after I get finished unpacking, I get a text from Damian that says, "Meet me downtown, I want to buy you a necklace and a dress so we can go out to dinner together". I pick out a beautiful black dress, and after I change, we go out to dinner at a local bistro. He orders us some champagne. We eat and talk about our lives. After dinner, we take in some of the sites around the city. And then he says "Do you want to come back to my hotel room with me?" I tell him that I'm not quite comfortable with that idea yet, but maybe tomorrow. He has the taxi drop me off at my hotel. I go to my hotel room and fall asleep.

Chapter 3-1/29/2030

When I wake up the next day, I have a text from Damian:"Hey I have an errand to run. I'll pick you up at six for dinner." I explore the city as I wait for Damian. Damian picks me up at six, as promised. He takes me to a nice bistro. I gave my order to the waiter, and then turned around to see that Damian wasn't in his chair. I look down, and Damian is down on one knee, proposing! He said, "Aleks, I love you more than words can describe. Will you marry me?" I wanted to say no, but I realized that I felt the same way. "Yes!" I said, excited. He slips the gorgeous ring on my finger. After that, we left the restaurant and headed to his hotel room to have sex. We start out slowly, passionately kissing while we undress each other. After I was undressed, Damian carried me to bed, got on top of me and started caressing my entire body, making sure I was fully aroused and prepared for him to penetrate me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Damian, this feels so amazing" I said. "I love you babe." he said. I eventually climaxed, and fell back on to the bed, and went to bed cradled in Damian's arms.

Chapter 4-1/30/2030

I reach for Damian, but he's not next to me. I see a note on the bedside table that said: "Hey beautiful I went to go get us breakfast and find a gift for you, xoxo, love Damian. I didn't feel very good, so I went to the local pharmacy to get some medicine. It didn't work, so I got a pregnancy test. I took it, and it came back positive. I text Damian: "I'm pregnant!" He responded with: " I'll be the best father ever!" Damian came back and celebrated with me. We called family and friends to tell them the exciting news. We were so happy.

Chapter 5-2/2030-8/2030

After we announced my pregnancy, Damian and I decided to stay in Paris indefinitely. We found a two bedroom apartment for rent and had our belongings shipped from overseas. We also got health insurance and found a good OBGYN for me. We found out that we were having triplets!!! We immediately ordered three cribs and a triple stroller. Six months later we had a gender reveal party. We found out that we were having 3 girls!! Damian said " I'm so excited to meet our girls!!" We decided on their names: Grace, Destiny and Serenity. After we found out the gender of our babies, we started planning our wedding.

Chapter 6-8/2030-10/2030

Damian and I planned our wedding meticulously. We chose Halloween as our date. One day we were looking at cakes, when Damian suddenly said, "Honey, maternity wedding dresses are very hard to find, so I got you a custom one." He shows me the dress. It was black with lace and white beads. "Oh babe, it is absolutely gorgeous, you didn't have to do that." I said. I showed him the cake I wanted. "That looks delicious, go ahead and order it." he said. I lean over and kiss him. He suggested Puerto Rico for our honeymoon and I agreed. I sent out the invitations and he picked out a suit and the wedding planning was complete.

Chapter 7-10/31/2030

Our wedding was amazing! I walked down the aisle to Taylor Swift. I looked up at Damian, only to see him in tears. "You look absolutely stunning!" he said once I made it down the aisle. Eventually the priest said that we could say our vows. Damian went first. He said, "Aleks, I meant what I said the night I proposed,I love you more than words can describe. I'm proud to be able to call you my wife." I said, "Damian, I knew you were the man I needed from day one, and I am honored to be able to call you my husband." We exchanged rings and shared the most passionate kiss ever. We took wedding photos with our family and friends.

Chapter 8-11/1-2030

The next day, sadness followed. We found out that our girls were stillborn. I just wanted to cry. Damian was so supportive. " I love you, no matter what happens. Maybe having children just isn't in the cards for us." We were absolutely heartbroken. We decided to donate the cribs and the stroller. We also told our family, who immediately were supportive. They brought over food and gifts for us. My OBGYN called and offered her condolences. She said that the girls being multiples, being two days past their due date and the stress of the wedding caused the stillbirth. To take my mind off of it, I went to work. Damian and I powered through the grief and planned our honeymoon.

Chapter 9-11/2-11/8/2030

The honeymoon took about a week to plan. We decided to go to Puerto Rico in February, to give us time to grieve the loss of our girls and spend time together. We picked out our hotel and sights to see. We were so excited to plan our honeymoon. "I love you, honey and I hope this helps bring us closer together." Damian said,on the last night that we planned our honeymoon."It will,babe. I'm sorry if I seem distant, it's just…" I trail off. At that point, I started crying. Damian saw this and took me to the bedroom. I eventually stopped crying and then he took my clothes off and started caressing me. We had sex multiple times that night, each time being slower and more passionate than the last. " Damian, you are the most amazing man in the world." I said. He responded: " You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I love you to death." He kissed me so passionately, I moaned and climaxed. He kept kissing me, until I fell back on to the bed and fell asleep, cradled in his arms.

Chapter 10-2/4/2031

Damian and I went on our honeymoon in a private jet . We got into Puerto Rico late at night, so we just headed to our hotel. Damian held me and he told me something I wasn't expecting: "I have a surprise for you. When I found out that the girls were stillborn, I went to go get their names engraved on a necklace for you. I think now is the right time to give it to you." He opens up a velvet box. I look inside. It's a gold necklace engraved with the names of our baby girls. I see it and immediately start crying. "Babe, this is so sweet of you,thanks ." After he gives me the necklace, he passionately kisses me and undresses me. He carries me to the bed and we have sex. He was slow, gentle and passionate. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I moan and he smiles. For the first time in a while, I felt free of all emotions. I felt lighter than a feather. " Damian, I feel amazing right now, keep going." I said."I will" he said. He penetrates me, and my moaning becomes louder, and I climax. Damian keeps going. I screamed, but it was a scream of passion. I returned the passion when I got on top of Damian. I kissed him passionately and sucked on his dick. We kissed and switched positions. He penetrates me again and I moan loudly. He falls asleep in my arms.

Chapter 11-2/5/2031

The next day, all we did was make love. I started by caressing Damian's hair. I sucked his dick and aroused him. He got on top of me, and penetrated me. I closed my eyes and moaned. He smiles. He keeps saying, "sex with you is a dream." I moan loudly and he keeps going, getting more and more passionate with every touch. He sticks his dick in deeper, and I climax. I moan louder. I caress his chest, and he caresses mine. I moan even louder, and I get on top of him and grab his hair and suck his dick. He moans and tells me to keep going, so I do. He gets on top of me, and licks my vagina. I moan and climax. He penetrates again, which elicits a cry of passion from me. He kisses me and I moan again. He flips me over and runs his hands down my back. He flips me over again and runs his hands down my chest. I moan again. He penetrates again, and my moaning becomes louder. I bite my lip and moan again as he caresses my entire body. Later we use bondage. He ties me up and penetrates me again and I climax. He keeps going. I climaxed 2 more times and we switched positions. I bite his dick, he moans so loudly. I keep going. He flips me over and penetrates me anally. I screamed. He goes deeper and I moan loudly. We eventually fall asleep in each other's arms.

Chapter 12-2/6/2031

Damian shows me around the city. It was beautiful. We had lunch at the beach, and bought some souvenirs from local vendors. I bought a vase and some jewelry. We have dinner at a famous sandwich shop. It was delicious. Then we go to a movie. After the movie, we went back to the hotel and made love. I sucked his dick and aroused him. He got on top of me, and penetrated me. I closed my eyes and moaned. He goes deeper and I moan loudly. I get on top of him and bite his dick.He moans and tells me to keep going, so I do. He gets on top of me, and licks my vagina. He penetrates me again. I climax and moan. He touches my chest and I moan loudly. I feel an overwhelming sense of euphoria as Damian caresses my vagina. I fall asleep as Damian keeps caressing me.

Chapter 13-2/7/2031

Damian had a surprise for me when I got up the next morning: " I brought you some breakfast." he said. " I also went to one of the local orphanages yesterday and adopted a baby girl for us!!! I'm so excited for you to meet her." Damian takes me to the orphanage, where I met our new baby girl. " Her name is Sophia." he said. " Oh Damian, she's perfect!" I said. We took her back to the hotel with us where we held her for hours. She had beautiful brown eyes and the tiniest little fingers. "She's an absolute angel." I said. "I know, and she's all ours." Damian said. We put her to bed and made love again.

Chapter 14-2/8/2031.

When I got up, Damian was already awake. " Hey beautiful lady, we gotta leave soon." I'll get the baby ready while you get ready." We left soon after.

Chapter 15-2/8/2031-late afternoon

Once we got back on the private jet, I put the baby to bed. Damian puts on a movie for us. Thirty minutes later, he pauses the movie. " Hold on honey, I've got to take this." It was a phone call. I can't hear anything he's saying. Forty-five minutes later, he comes back. " There's been a change in our plans." He said. " Triple H called. The judgement day has a match tomorrow, and Finn's been injured. I have to replace him. We're heading to Dallas." We finished the movie and fell asleep.

Chapter 16-2/9/2031.

We arrived in Dallas at 7:00. I woke Sophia up to feed her. Damian and I rented a car to go to our hotel. Damian took a shower and changed into his ring gear. We had lunch and then headed to the stadium. The judgement day had the first match of the night. They faced the Miz, big Bronson Reed and Sami Zayn. Damian secures the win. After he wins, he asks Rhea to hand him a microphone. He pulls me into the ring. " As most of you know, I've been on a hiatus for a while now. During the hiatus, I met the love of my life. I'd like to introduce the WWE universe to my beautiful wife and judgement day's new manager, Aleksandria Priest!!" The crowd cheers. We head backstage, and I start hearing, "Hey Damian, congratulations on the wedding!!" We meet up with the other members of the judgement day. Rhea shakes my hand and gives me a hug. " Congratulations on the wedding and welcome to the judgement day." Finn hugs me and says, "We didn't even know Damian got married. Congratulations. You're a lucky woman. Welcome to the judgement day". JD and Dominic follow with similar sentiments. Damian and I go back to the hotel. I go to the bathroom to shower. When I get out, there are rose petals leading to the bed. Damian hands me a gift bag. It is black. I look inside. It's black and purple lingerie. "Put it on. I wanna see how sexy you look." After I put it on, Damian carries me to the bed and pulls his shirt off and starts caressing my entire body. "You look so sexy right now." He said. He penetrates me and I moan loudly. "I'm in control tonight" he says. He goes deeper and I climax. He ties me to the bed and licks my vagina. I cry out passionately. He kisses me repeatedly and I moan loudly. He penetrates me again and I climax again. He cradles me in his arms and goes deeper. He keeps going. I eventually fell asleep.

Chapter 17-2/30/2031

I'd been feeling funny for three weeks. I knew that I was pregnant. I took a test and sure enough,it was positive. We had to travel to Lexington Kentucky for a live event. Damian had a match. During the match, I held up a sign that said "Damian, I'm pregnant!" Damian didn't notice at first, but Rhea did. After his match, Rhea said, "Damian, look!" He looks at the sign. He immediately dropped everything to hug me. On our way backstage, he says "I can't believe it! Are you sure?" "100 percent," I said. "You're high risk, so we have to make sure that you go to all of your appointments." He said. Once I was backstage, Rhea hugged me. "Congratulations. Damian has already told me that you're a great mom to little Sophia." We went back to Paris by private jet that night.

Chapter 18-3/1-9/6/2031

I went to all of my appointments, like Damian asked. I also went to all of his events. In August, we asked triple H about doing our gender reveal party on raw. He agreed. Damian and I released balloons in the arena in Charlotte. Rhea, Finn, JD and Dominic were also there. "We want the crowd to help us." I said. The crowd counted backwards from ten. When we released the balloons, we found out that we were having a girl…again. I was happy but I was also nervous. I remembered what happened last time with our triplets. I started crying. "What's wrong?" Damian asked. " I'm just nervous because I remembered what happened to our triplets." "It's gonna be ok, Aleks. I'll be there every step of the way."

Chapter 19-9/7/2031

The day starts out like normal. I feed, change and dress Sophia. I have lunch with Damian and we head to the stadium in Atlanta. That night though, tragedy strikes. Damian is facing Gunther. During the match, I get up onto the ring apron so I can see Damian better. Five minutes later, Damian sends Gunther flying across the ring. Gunther hits the ropes with such force, it knocks me off the apron and I land on a table. I immediately fall unconscious. I start seizing. Damian immediately rushes to my side. " Oh shit. Babe, I'm so sorry!" I hear Damian say, crying. A commentator calls for the medical staff. They rush out, ready to help. I hear one medic say, "Her pupils are not reactive to light at all. We've got to get her to the ambulance now!!!" Damian calls the judgement day for moral support. They come running out of the locker room. "Holy shit", Rhea says. " Is she ok?" I'm still unconscious as I'm being put into the ambulance. " I'm not going anywhere babe." I hear Damian say. "I'm right here."

Chapter 20-9/7/2031-late evening

We make it to the hospital at 10:00. "I'm still here, babe." I hear Damian say. The nurses immediately start vitals. " Her heart rate and blood pressure are through the roof!" I hear one nurse say. Another nurse checks my pupils. "Her pupils are still not reactive to light." I hear Damian mention that I'm pregnant, and the nurses immediately go into high alert. "We need an ultrasound and brain scan NOW!!!" They get the monitors and equipment. They notice a lot of swelling on my brain. The baby is ok, luckily. I wake up after those tests are done. "Mr. Priest, your wife is awake." the nurse said. Damian rushes in. " Is she ok?" Damian asked. " She needs emergency brain surgery." They put me under anesthesia and I fall back asleep.

Chapter 21-9/12/2031

I slept for 4.5 days. When I awoke, I immediately said "Damian?" "I'm right here, babe. Rhea, Finn, JD and Dominic will be here soon to see you." Damian said. He immediately gives me a hug and kiss. " I thought you were going to die!" He said. A few hours later, Rhea, JD, Finn and Dominic came to see me. They all hug me. "Girl, we thought you were dead!" Rhea said. They give me gifts. "The company made this shirt for you." JD said. The shirt was black and said, "Aleksandria Priest. All rise for the priestess!" "Thanks guys, I love it!" I said. They eventually have to go, and I fall asleep.

Chapter 22-9/13/2031

When I woke up, Damian was in the doorway. Five minutes later, he comes back into the room. "I updated Triple H on your status. He said your job is there when you are able to come back." " Tell him I said thank you. That is extremely generous of him." I said. I went back to sleep after breakfast. I wake up thirty minutes later, in severe pain. Damian sees that I'm in pain and is immediately by my side. " Honey, what's wrong?" He said. " I think I'm in labor!" I said. Damian runs to get a nurse. The nurse immediately puts me on a gurney and takes me to the OR. She tells Damian," Because of her recent surgery, she needs a C-section to avoid complications." Damian runs up next to the gurney and holds my hand. " I'm going to be by your side through all of this. " Damian said. When I get into the OR, the nurses immediately prep me for the C-section. Damian kisses me and says, "I love you." The nurses put me under anesthesia and I fell asleep.

Chapter 23-9/13/2031-late afternoon.

My anesthesia wears off just as our baby girl cries for the first time. I hear a snip as Damian cuts the umbilical cord. Five minutes later, she's in my arms. She's a perfect mix of me and Damian. " She's a little angel." I said. As soon as I said angel, Damian looked at me. " That should be her name. If it wasn't for her, you probably wouldn't be alive right now." "You're right." I said. Damian comes over to me and kisses me. After the birth certificate is signed, I'm taken back to my room, where I fall asleep.

#damian priest #smut #wwe

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