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archaeren · 1 year ago

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How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

#creative writing #writers block #writblr #writers on tumblr #writing #writers and poets #writerscommunity #fanfic writing #writeblr #writing advice

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liedownquisition · 3 months ago

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I've been working on my Lazarus Pit meta and it's partly what spawned my previous post but I've got a worse bit for you:

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #144-145 (The full 4-issue arc, The Demon Laughs, ran June-Sept 2001)

Now, I'm not going to say the writing in this was particularly good for Talia. She very clearly expressed disapproval for bringing Joker along for this whole venture and I'm pretty sure she was hoping he'd be killed for his insolence from the start, but her tendency to betray Ra's was tossed in the trash with a "And you will not betray me this time. Do you understand, Talia?" "I understand and obey, Father." as if those words would genuinely stop her from doing anything, EXCLUSIVELY so they can force this whole situation where Bruce needs to resurrect Joker in the Pit (That he even has to actively assemble the ingredients and prepare himself!!!)

And, for me, there's two things that make the whole situation worse (Well, three, but I'm trying really hard not to acknowledge the... sigh, "Pit Sanity" even if I'm going to make reluctant mention of it in the Lazarus post). First of all, this from #143:

EDIT: I'm pretty sure she's referring to Joker: Devil's Advocate, where the Joker gets sentenced to the death penalty for a crime he (for once) didn’t do, here. That one, this one, and Joker: Last Laugh are all written by Chuck Dixon, who seems to have a hard-on obsession with forcing Bruce to save Joker for one reason or another. Last Laugh was even published (or started, at least) only three months after this one came out.

And, horrifically, this at the end of the plot:

How many times have you saved Joker's life, Bruce? I said "resurrected him more than once" because of this incident & the one where he resuscitated him after Dick killed him, but how many more times did he save the bastard? (Bruce does go on to implictly threaten that Ra's was probably going to try and kill Joker for HIS betrayal, and that Ra's has already demonstrated being perfectly capable of smoothly faking things so that they can get him out for whatever he wants, but lol. That's nowhere equivalent to the fact that you actively gave him back his life!!! the narrative necessity/justificationstill pisses me off regardless.)

Anyways, this is one of those storylines that like, in retrospect... If we're trying to reconcile the timeline a little, I'm pretty sure this would fall at some point after finding Jason in Gotham. This is pre-Hush (Dec 2002-Nov 2003), so bringing Jason back wasn't even a twinkle in Winick's mind, but if you try to fit it all in context...

Can you imagine, for her? Not only is this her "Beloved's" mortal enemy, this is the murderer of the child you took into your care. That at some point you started to care for. Now, comic timelines are a little finicky and while some things are explicitly before or after other arcs a lot of it you just kind of have to guess when things cover some stuff retroactively... but what if this was, say, right after putting Jason in the Pit?

Ra's has a reputation for forcing Talia to "prove" her loyalty to him by forcing her to go along with whatever plans or giving her cruel missions as punishment for any perceived betrayals. If there's that situation hanging over their heads and perhaps even an implicit threat about the whole situation about what he'd be doing if he wasn't working on this particular scheme...

Can you imagine, you shot this fucker eight times, center mass. And if Batman could review the damage and determine there was only one way to save him, so could Talia. She would know how thoroughly she'd done her job... and what Batman had to have done in turn. His son's murderer.

Can you imagine, later, when she's talking to Jason and he's clearly unhappy about Joker being alive? She doesn't try to justify it with the fact that she (almost) killed Joker once. What does it matter that it happened when he's still alive? It didn't last for any length of time and it didn't meaningfully change anything. It's no comfort for the boy who doesn't understand why his father didn't love him "enough" to never let it happen again.

Alternatively, if it was pre-Pit, there probably isn't that threat the same way, although there could be one of "We are doing this, and I am turning a blind eye to your past betrayals and your little pet project that isn't getting better." Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if knowing Bruce had used it on Joker wasn't some measure of a thought when she put Jason in one too. If Bruce can use it to give the murderer's life back, she can use it to give life back to the victim.

Of course, I wouldn't bet on any of this being intended when UtH/Lost Days was written, but the implications of all this if you try to put it into some kind of cohesive perspective...

#Mashing Meta Bones with Axel #Jason Todd #Batman #Bruce Wayne #Talia al Ghul #anti batman #anti bruce wayne #<- once again not really but this post is kind of negative about him?#Talia betrays Ra's all the time and it seems really stupid that she'd go along with this one given how upset she clearly is about it.#Also as an aside you could also apply the idea of Damian being something that Ra's is holding over Talia's head to force her compliance her #There's a lot of stories I wonder about in retrospect given Damian's existence and how he'd have to implicitly BE somewhere in the League #During the time they were going down Or just somewhere... like Babel and Bane and DatM and Lexcorp.#oh also that other person helping to throw Joker in the pit is Alfred lol.#dc

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bendyartistic · 10 months ago

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Be Aware of alexbstudios. (Part 2) TW: uh.. slur, sui mention.

Recently I've been requested by some people to make another awareness post about Alex, and what has been going on since I made my last callout. So.. let's take a look. I'm gonna be honest I have been paying little to no attention to him at all since my post up until this point, didn't think I'd have to.

Ever since I made it, Alex has been talking about me a lot more, and it feels much more obsessive in a way. I think it's funny but also pretty weird considering some of the things he's said about me. Eugh.

Anyways let's get to the stuff from after my callout to the present. This is just a rundown of everything, and there is some stuff I skipped since I didn't feel it was worth mentioning. Once my post had been made, a lot of people went over and said stuff to him (Though I didn't encourage that behavior, I only wanted to make my post so people knew about him, I'm not covering those unless it's important in this.) Little afterwards he made this... post. Erh, are you stalking me and other people?? ALSO don't say the r slur man, like what.

I find it really creepy that he has this list, and has notes along with them about why/who they are. Also why'd he spell my partners name like that? 💀 Next a little after that he reblogged someone's art and introduction saying this. (I don't want to really @ people in this, nor get anyone involved unless they asked to be.)

I still don't understand how Alex views me, but saying this in a reblog no less is so strange. Reblogging another post, saying this with it...

You're right Alex, I didn't need you in my life, yet here we are. Unfortunately. Besides that, no, 12 year old's should NOT be on Tumblr at all, even with restrictions, said restriction should be having the app blocked from their device.

I'm just gonna.. move on from that. Alex reblogged an art post, where he proceeded to @ over 50 people, myself included, saying "surely you can see the problem". I can't fit the entire thing sadly. I don't get what the point in these posts are honestly, besides annoy everyone. He's done it before as well. He got into a small bit of beef with a handful of folk not too long ago, which I got @'ed in at some point I think, didn't really pay much attention to it. Basically the original post is someone talking about art supplies and asking what one's other people use, which I personally think was a very neat post. Alex comes around though for some reason going off on nonsense. Hello? Who invited you!? (Again, censoring names cuz I don't want to get ppl involved.)

I'm honestly kind of wondering why he even showed up. He pretty soon after made this dumb post as if it could have some effect on the situation.. uh?

I guess mark your calendars guys for this date, where we have to immediately forget everything and forgive him! /j And there's this response he gave to an anon responding to his ✨patience✨ post.

Dunno, so far it hasn't because he's still talking about it, so clearly he hasn't gotten over it enough to let it blow over.

He's giving me those like.. stupid sigma edit vibes sometimes. Y'know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Also I'm not sure what to say about this really, but it's pretty funny.

Context for this next one: You and the person on your lockscreen fight god..? That's a weird one.

Wdym racist though? 🤨 Genuinely kinda curious about that. Btw wouldn't that make you like.. 9?? On a different note, I saw him previously talk about this "friend" he has going to a mental hospital, but I know nothing about it, nor do I really want to, however reblogging on an art post saying this feels off. Think the emotes are what do it.

Don't joke about mental hospitals at all, I shouldn't have to explain why. I'm going to move on from all the short stuff now because I do wanna start talking instead of making short joking comments.

Alex made this post, and so it begins with him talking about me again, eh?

Alex, you're already doomed. I can't put it any other way but from what I've seen maybe only 1 or 2 people even like you. The rest either hate you or want to avoid you at all cost, and I don't blame them at all considering you act like a fool and make everyone uncomfortable.

For my thoughts on you? I don't like you, never did. I just have to put up with you because this is the internet, and you'll probably never truly leave me alone like I once hoped. It's a shame honestly that you cannot follow a simple request from anyone. Don't think I don't know about your planned "response post" you're making, I'm still waiting for it. I don't know what good it's gonna do you though. Personally I don't care if you make one, I'd just read it to see the stuff you make up in it lol. (Edit: He decided to stop working on it after seeing this post lol.)

Enough of my rambling, I should continue with this so I can stop talking about him sooner. Regrettably I had to actually look up what this was about, I felt.. iffy reading it.

Saying gyatt right afterwards wasn't funny. At all. I'm quite upset now. There was absolutely no reason for that.

I was gonna be reasonable and say something genuine but I don't feel like it anymore, this ruined my mood. All I have to say is as much as I dislike you, don't actually do that. Sadly moving to the next nonsensical thing, he made a poll post asking this. (It's still ongoing btw)

Are people like.. forced into giving a reason? Like if I for example chose Bendy, am I immediately supposed to state my reasons? What if I don't want to, are we being held at gunpoint? What's up with that? I'm too lazy to interact with the post, I don't really feel like it anyways even if I wasn't lazy. Which one would you choose though lol I'm going to be serious now again cause this last thing is really just.. what the fuck. Palestine related 🍉, someone asking for help came to Alex, and this was his response to it...

MY GOD Alex. Did you really have to respond to that in this immature, insensitive fucking manner? Could it have not been in one of your stupid rambling posts. It should've been. I'm sorry to the person and I'm sorry I had to read it. You're pretty sick honestly. You need help.

That's it. I'm done.

In conclusion:

Alex is still the same and is still never going to change probably. He still shouldn't be here and I believe he really should get off now more than ever. If not I fear what else he might do next.

All I can really tell you folks is please, DNI with Alex, just leave him alone and block him. You're again not obligated to, but I am suggesting it if you want to be left alone by him. And hey, maybe you'll make it onto his dumb creepy list too, who knows. Alright, I'm finished, I stayed up way too late for this... I'm tired. Cya.

Reblogs are much appreciated, it helps spread the word, thanks.

#Please dni with alex.#callout post #call out post #be aware #tw #idk what to tag this as #ghost and pals #I wish he would just go away already.#ugh #thanks to the people who suggested I give an update though.#my post

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cl-0v3r · 1 year ago

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I've definitely said this multiple times before on different platforms, but one thing that truly gets me all the time is how child-like Mel looks whenever she's upset with her mother or past (or literally any of her life choices basically.) , especially during episode 9 when she argues with Ambessa.

Her face felt more round and softened, her eyes widened and a little more shiny, her mouth really downturned. She is often so collected and poised, so the entire change in her demeanor in this scene was very clear to me yet I've never seen people talk about it before for some reason.

It's like Mel was being in her younger self's boots again in both a literal way and metaphorical, asking the question she really wanted the answer to all those years ago. She wasn't councilor Medarda here, she was just herself, Mel.

Not only that, but I think it was done to show that Mel, who has a lot of power over the council,has a higher standing than most characters we see in the show and often holds her head so high, has her moments of weakness and loss of said power when her Mother arrives. so much so you could see it visually with your own eyes, how she was often smartly placed in a way that her eyes looked down on whoever she spoke to, until Ambessa came in the picture and she instead stood higher than she is, and it just proves the fact that Mel is weak to her, that she is still but a confused child in comparison to Ambessa, it's like we see her from her Mothers eyes rather than ours.

Because she banished Mel when she was younger to piltover for a literal decade, she hadn't watched her grow up or grow at all, she didn't see her control the reins of her own life, so it would make sense that Mel is still that little girl she knew before.

It sort of reminds me of how jinx has two different faces (you can check out bridging the rift for that) , a sharper and dangerous kind and a more rounder, innocent and chidlike kind. When Vi found Jinx and got reunited with her, the softened version of her appeared as if it was Powder rather than Jinx, that she was powder again, Vis little sister. But then Caitlyn appeared and so did the firelights, and we see her get more aggressive, losing the softness, reverting back to Jinx again.

So I really do think the same thing is happening with Mel, she often has this elegant mask that she wears that makes her cunning, sly, powerful, uncontrollable, which falls down immediately once she is faced with the SAME person who had gotten her to wear that mask years ago, only for her to put it back on again, and for it to fall yet again in the end.

Although Mels main parallel is with Viktor (which i do wanna talk about in a future post), the similarities she has with Powder&Jinx is insane, considering that they're both extremely different from one another.

This might get edited soon to be written properly, I apologize for any mistakes.

#mel medarda #mel arcane #arcane #ambessa medarda #jinx #jinx arcane #powder #powder arcane

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snek-panini · 4 months ago

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So back in November I offered a custom bookbinding for a charity auction listing, and now that the book's finished and in the hands of the winner I've got their permission to share some photos!

It was a Good Omens-specific auction but @winderlylandchime opted to have one of their own fics bound, from the Queer as Folk fandom. It was somewhat outside my comfort zone as I've never seen the show, but I think between us we managed to put together a very handsome book. And if that's your fandom you can go read their very handsome fic here.

That would be solid red book cloth (full cloth binding) with gold foil htv for the title. I've only done a vertically-oriented title once before and honestly wasn't sure about this until I started messing with it in DesignSpace, and I'm really glad they requested it because it turned out beautiful. The red's a bit richer than it looks in the photos. More pics under the cut!

Spine title. It had to be shortened to fit but I always feel like having something there makes things feel more professional, like a "real" (commercially produced) book. The endbands and bookmark fit with the cover in that they are simple and sort of understated. I have fairly ornate taste and I like to do complicated tricks with my books, and it was kind of hilarious that I kept offering those options alongside the simpler ones and it was usually the simple ones that were chosen. It does make things feel more traditionally Book Shaped than some of my other binds though, and there's a lot to be said for that, especially when it comes to binding fanfic.

The exception to that statement about simplicity is probably endpapers, which are this beautiful metallic chiyogami paper. I had actually bought these long before the auction and intended to use them for a forthcoming public domain bind that I was thinking would be sort of bee-themed, but when I got them they were just totally wrong for it. Way too modern and sleek for something set in the English coutryside. They suit this bind perfectly though. Contemporary and sexy and a bit luxurious. And the colors work beautifully with the solid red cover. Endband colors were chosen to match them.

A couple of photos of the interior. That's the same sun image, just edited to be a half-circle. It gives it a kind of cohesion to have the same image throughout, and I feel like contemporary stories without a gimmick tend to benefit from a more straightforward approach like this. And not being in the fandom I didn't want to get too elaborate and distract from the story in a totally unintended way. I love the right-aligned chapter openers too. I have got to do more of those.

And that's that! Hope you enjoyed! I enjoyed collaborating more than I expected to and I'd like to do it again sometime. I missed the deadlines for Fandom Trumps Hate this year, but maybe next year I'll have another opportunity.

#bookbinding #fanbinding #snek makes books #queer as folk #this wasn't started in Binderary but finishing it was a Binderary project

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annakie · 6 months ago

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I Tripped and Took A Dive Into Another Life

*Edit* OK here's the thing y'all... I've been meaning to make this post since about... April. I swore to myself that I'd make it before the end of the year so, it's December 31st now.

I've been working on it a few days and... it's about half done. I've been working on it most of the afternoon and I want to go do other things.

I'll finish it in a second part, in a day or two.

It's already really, really long. And I am happy to take questions if you have them, either in comments here or in messages! I'll answer those in the part two. :)

The song the title came from is "Medication" by David Wimbish & the Collection and it felt apropos for this post anyway.

One last thing, I'm fine with you sharing links to this post with individuals but reblogs are turned off because there are people with Strong Opinions on this topic and I'm here to talk about MY experience. Thanks!

----

So, as anyone who has paid even a little attention to things I've posted this year is well aware of, I had a really big transformation this year, in a pretty extensive home renovation both inside and out.

If somehow you missed it, or missed part of it, the saga starts here, and I have gone back and added the table of contents to every post for easy navigation. In case you need a novel to read today.

But here's the thing... the house was really just the second biggest transformation in my life this year.

There's been another saga I've been going through this entire year that I've hinted at a little but haven't posted about online (at least not on any social media associated with the name Annakie) that I'll still be on for a good long while, but I'm well, well into.

Throughout this year, I have lost, as of this morning, 124.6 pounds.

I still have around 75.4 to go until I'm where I'd love to be, but I've come a really long way and it's been, honestly, just an incredible year.

I'd like to talk about it in depth, what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I 100% get that reading a post like this isn't for everyone but I have a lot of thoughts I wanted to get down somewhere and maybe reading this will be impactful to someone.

If you are triggered by weight loss, medication, or discussion of size in any way, I would not recommend reading this post. Otherwise...

I am 49 years old and have been fat my entire life.

I was a chubby child. I didn't eat much differently than my friends and brother, I ran and played as much as the other kids, but I was still chubby. I played softball throughout late elementary school and all of junior high. (Surprise! I was the catcher, the position all the stocky kids got.)

My mom struggled with her weight, too, though she always kept it pretty well under control with help from like, Weight Watchers or other programs, but my dad was always naturally skinny.

In high school I did Weight Watchers for a couple of years and Jenny Craig for a couple more, both with my mom (who has always loved me no matter what, but wanted me to be happy when I was not with my weight.) Again, I didn't feel like I ate much different than my friends. I was involved in a ton of extracurricular activities, I took tennis class as my PE credits, and managed the JV and Varsity Basketball and Softball teams, which still took a lot of physical activity.

I was still, while maybe not fat fat, chubby and big enough to get teased by the cruelest kids.

In college, I took weightlifting classes for a couple of years for me PE elective, I was again involved in a lot of activities, but I ate worse, for sure. It was a lot harder to eat well with school cafeteria food or just grabbing whatever was available most of the time, between studies and the like, six clubs I was in I rarely went home. I could have done better, but I also was doing what everyone else was doing.

Hey, I also was on Fen-Phen for a short time in college! Not long enough to actually do damage, I asked.

I was wearing an XL when I was a senior in High School, and in college I was wearing 18/20s. I know this because I still have some clothes from way back then. As a taller girl, about 5'9", I was usually the biggest girl around.

After college, things just got worse. For the rest of my 20's and early 30's I moved around the mid-200's. Sometimes I'd get on a health kick and get down to the lower half of the 200's, sometimes I'd find myself on the higher end.

In the mid-2000's I got informally diagnosed with having PCOS by my doctor. She at least said I had every symptom, including a lower-functioning thyroid, just not low enough to do anything about. We did a scan and there weren't actually cysts on my ovaries, and I've never tried to get pregnant so who knows if it would have been difficult, but my doctor at the time said she was almost positive I had it. Which would explain a lot.

In 2009, at about 34 years old, round about the time I was getting my floors and countertops redone, I also was on my biggest health kick yet. I tried really hard that year, and I found myself down to about 219 pounds at the lowest. I was working out like five times a week, eating right, just really doing everything I could and people were taking notice.

I was so proud of myself and I swore this was IT, I was NEVER getting that fat again. There was a picture a friend sent to me where I was around 280 and I literally told her (TW: Fatphobia) "If I ever look like that again, just go ahead and kill me, lol." Remembering that still makes me cringe.

After I hit the 220's though, things slowed down significantly and I was having a lot of problems getting any more weight off. It was frustrating, I was stalled for weeks, but I was sticking to plan and still trying. I thought I looked great. I felt great.

And then in October 2009, I was driving to work and an idiot pulled out in front of me, causing me to T-bone him (completely his fault). My Acura RSX-S was totaled, along with my right shoulder. I was in pain more or less all over my body for weeks, and the absolute stress of dealing with the aftermath, even though I was completely not at fault, just took over my life.

I also couldn't use that shoulder for many months almost at all, everything was painful. It would be years until it was fully functional again and still tends to get tight if I leave it in certain positions for too long.

I totally lost my grip on my weight loss. I tried to get it back a few times, but with the stress and my inability to work out, and my body working against me, slowly but surely it all went back on.

And more.

---

When I started working at my awesome job in 2012 I'd put quite a bit back on but then we would eat out every day for lunch and I'd often stop for fast food for dinner since finances were much less tight with the new job.

In 2014 my back started hurting. I have scoliosis so I knew at some point back pain would be a daily reality. But apparently I have sciatica (or so I was told) and standing up for awhile caused the lower left side of my back in particular to compress painfully. Bad timing, because right around then was when I started traveling extensively to see the Thrilling Adventure Hour and would work for hours standing at the booth selling merch for them at conventions.

I figured out ways to cope... a baseball in my backpack to lean against the wall and massage my back with. Lidocane heat patches. Just taking time to bend over and try to touch my toes to stretch it out. It wasn't that bad, I figured.

---

I don't know exactly when I crossed the 300 pound threshold but it was before 2017. I know this because I recently asked my doctor if he could see in my records and he said their current record system only goes back that far and I was in the 310s for my first record in the system (he said he could put in a request for older records but I told him no, that was good enough.)

You'd think hitting 300 would be a wake-up call, but it wasn't, really. I put in some halfhearted attempts at weight loss every couple of years, would lose 15 pounds or so and then go back to eating, frankly, pretty terribly. I think really at some point it felt like a lost cause. I'm fat, I'll always be fat, might as well just accept it. I'm just one of those people who can't lose weight due to my PCOS and low-functioning thyroid. I'll just enjoy myself instead.

My eating was, frankly, pretty out of control for several years. I'd eat out or grab fast food pretty much every day, at least one meal a day. Sometimes all three. Meals at home were often things like... frozen pizza, pizza rolls, chicken fingers, Mac and cheese... you know, all the easy to make ultra-processed stuff.

And sometimes dinner would be an entire sleeve of Oreos or Girl Scout Cookies and a glass of milk, or an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's, or a big bag of potato chips. Whatever I could mindlessly grab and eat that would be really delicious and I didn't have to think about it.

Sometimes I would get on a cooking kick and do great with making healthy, delicious meals for awhile. Until things got stressful again.

I also got a coffee habit. One of Starbucks, Dunkin' or Scooters was a several times a week stop for me by the late 2010s. A venti white chocolate mocha or a large caramel latte was a typical order, and often a breakfast sandwich or a donut, too.

---

In very early 2020, I thought... I'm going to do something about this. A cousin and a friend had both done lap-band. I talked to my parents and decided to take some money out of savings and maybe get it done.

I consulted with DFW's leading laparoscopic surgeon, who, hilariously I realized when I met him, had taken out my gallbladder in 2005, so hey I already trusted him, on like, March 6th I think, 2020.

I'd done a ton of research and knew what I was getting into. I was going to get it done.

WELL GUESS WHAT HAPPENED LIKE 10 DAYS LATER?

So, yeah, that never happened. I kept telling myself I would get back to it, but never did.

---

The Pandemic and starting WFH both helped and didn't. I did start cooking a lot more. I'd always go through phases where I'd cook a lot and then not, I'm a pretty good cook. I did Hello Fresh and then a cheaper service called Dinnerly for awhile, and although I picked whatever meals I wanted which often weren't low-calorie, they at least weren't constant takeout.

In late 2022 I started noticing some kind of alarming health things going on. I went to a cardiologist, and I do have a problem which wasn't because of my weight, it was a problem since birth it turns out (again, I asked about the Fen-Phen thing), but also my weight definitely was the cause of it being noticed and acting up.

Some other things happened in 2022. I traveled for the first time since the pandemic started, and I realized even in my first car trip that my body's size was now becoming real problem in travel. When I was going to do my first plane trip, I "splurged" and bought first-class tickets, but really it was an expense I knew was stupid. It was the only way I could fit into a single seat.

I'd been having to ask for a seatbelt extender for a couple of years to make sure the belt would fit... sometimes it would, sometimes it wouldn't depending on the length of the strap, but... I knew I was too big for even that anymore.

I also had to travel for work in the second half of 2022, and I had to go to my bosses and basically tell them... look... I'm too fat for a regular seat. I would be happy to pay the difference between the regular seat fare and first class. My bossess pulled some strings and I got my entire seat paid for. It was kind of mortifying when I felt like I had to explain to my coworkers who were also on that flight why I got to sit in first class, though. (and honestly, they didn't ask, I just... was embarrassed about it but didn't want them to think I was more important than them.)

Between these two things, I started feeling like something needed to change.

AND THEN IT DIDN'T.

---

I can't explain it except for like a mental break, but in 2023 I was much, much worse. I was pretty happy in every area of my life, but my eating just... went completely off the rails.

Morning Coffee out at, usually Dunkin', a latte that had about 1000 calories in it every morning, plus a donut or two.

I ordered Grubhub multiple times a week, getting enough food to last a few meals.

And just absolutely eating every fatty, sugary thing I could get my hands on. I'd gotten a pretty substantial pay boost over the the last couple of years with switching jobs twice... I could afford it, who cares?

I ate my way through denials of my worsening health. I ate my way through worsening back pain. I ate so that my pretty big desk chair was starting to feel tight. I only had one pair of jeans and a handful of shirts that fit and looked good.

I eschewed basically all physical activity. My house was starting to fall into clutter again.

I couldn't stand for more than 10 minutes without crippling back pain.

I knew it was out of control but I felt helpless. Everything else in life was pretty good, except this one thing, that was really affecting everything else.

---

I went to our company Christmas party and was in pain with sitting in chairs that were too small. And then horrifyingly, one night we had to walk two blocks down to the barcade nearby.

Halfway through the walk there was a bench, and I told everyone to go on ahead and sat down on it. My buddy Eric, who has known me since 2000, sat with me, and he didn't say anything about it, but he knew that things had gotten bad and offered me some sympathy about my back.

But it was mortifying.

We got to the barcade and my back hurt so bad that I "held down the fort" at a table, socializing with everyone who came to eat and watched everyone's stuff, instead of playing video games.

A few days later they posted pics of the 2-day long event on the company intranet and I couldn't even look at the pictures of me.

---

I drove to be with my brother/SIL/Niece and Nephews for Christmas and where the seatbelt buckles in dug into my hip so bad it bruised. I already had to have the seat all the way back and my stomach was starting to brush against the steering wheel.

It was hard walking up the flight of stairs in my brother's house, my lower legs would start to cramp up, so I only went up there to go to bed at night and brought everything else I'd want that day down with me.

Honestly, I was physically miserable, though mentally I don't think I was depressed or anything.

By the time the drive happened, though, I had started thinking it was time to try to turn things around.

I'd had my annual visit with the cardiologist and he was frank with me, if I didn't get better, dying in my 50's was a possibility. He suggested I talk to my PCP about getting real help.

So I made an appointment, and had it the day before I took the drive for Christmas.

---

I weighed in at a little over 350 at the doctor's office. This was in the early afternoon, so I'd eaten and was wearing clothes. But the number sent me reeling.

My PCP agreed with my cardiologist, and was really happy I'd come to him for help.

He told me that he had several patients who'd been doing well on Mounjaro, which he explained was the "newer, better Ozempic."

I'd heard about Ozempic of course, but figured it was bullshit just like everything else I'd tried. I'd done a couple of other fad diets and medications I didn't mention here before. I was doubtful, it sounded like a thing celebrities were doing to drop 20 pounds and that wasn't where I was.

My doctor gave me a prescription and told me that it's likely my insurance didn't cover it, and it was really expensive, but to go do research and let him know.

The lap band idea was still kicking around in my head. My doctor said though, that surgery was a permanent solution, let's try not getting surgery first and see how it went. The surgery would be there later if I needed it.

I went on my Christmas trip to my brother's, then decided to put off thinking about it until the new year, 2024.

---

I really wasn't sure I'd do it. But the first week of January, 2024 I typed in mounjaro.com, and read through the website, and saw that actually Zepbound was the same thing but prescribed for weightloss instead of diabetes. So I read almost all of that website, too.

I then went to the Mounjaro subreddit and started reading posts.

And I read. And read. And read. I read every post I could find about every question I had. For like a week or two most of my free time was spent reading the Mounjaro and then Zepbound (which in those days was not moderated and a very wild west) subreddits, or trying to figure out if I could afford this medication.

The posts in the subreddits were unlike any weight loss discussion I'd seen, and I've seen a lot.

A lot of posts about the side effects of the medication, which looked not great, but also a lot of people assuring others that most people only had mild side effects.

So many posts with advice about nutrition, supplements, shot timing and placement, how to get it, how to afford it.

There were so many before and after posts, people who started out looking like me or even bigger who now looked so much smaller.

But best of all were the posts where people described how taking this medicine quieted their brains, and just shut the fucking voice up that was constantly screaming for food even when you knew you weren't hungry.

I honestly thought it was just me that felt that way. The you could eat an entire nutritious, delicious meal and your brain would still be saying "EAT MORE! MORE!!" That voice never, ever stopped unless it was satisfied, that you'd eaten more than you wanted to eat and literally could not eat another bite. Then it went away, for an hour or two.

There were posts that made me cry, because for the first time I felt like people were talking about food and eating and how it felt like their brains were broken regarding food, and this medication made them feel like what was broken was fixed. They could eat and be satisfied for a long time. That hunger wasn't an ever-present all-consuming force in their lives anymore. That they'd felt that way since they were a child and they don't anymore.

I'd always felt that way, too.

This medication... sounded too good to be true.

But just reading these posts on reddit made me want to believe. I wanted to feel the way they were feeling now, too.

Maybe it would work.

---

I soon learned that my insurance would not cover Mounjaro or Zepbound, but that there was a "Savings Card" that would bring the price down to a "mere" $550 per month (from $1100+). I filled out the paperwork and was granted my savings card.

Still sounded like a lot, but I was willing to try for a couple of months.

So I called the pharmacy and told them to please fill the prescription. They didn't have any, they said. Call around and see if someone else did and they'd transfer the prescription there.

So I called several other Walgreens and CVSs near me and every one of them told me the same.

Crazy. Frustrating.

I'd seen this word whispered around the subreddits, though, compound. Said in ways that made it sound mysterious and dangerous. But, by the middle of January I was on a mission.

I started cleaning out my pantry and fridge, I bought healthier food, I started researching the newest apps and technology to track your food and fitness, and though I wasn't making huge changes yet, I hadn't gone to Dunkin' or ordered takeout except once or twice all year so far, which was at least an improvement. I'd signed back up for Dinnerly a couple of weeks prior and modified my upcoming selections to be low-er calorie meals.

And I started looking into this compound thing.

---

So it turns out that when a medication has to be specially made for someone OR a medication is in shortage, that these other specialty pharmacies are allowed to make "copies" of that medicine. And Ozempic/Wegovy and Mounjaro/Zepbound were all in shortage, so many people were getting on both of them.

And thus, these specialty pharmacies are allowed to make copies of those drugs. It sounded sketchy to me at first, and then I followed a bunch of threads and videos and looked into it enough that I decided the fact that you could get it for a significantly cheaper price was worth the risk. I found the subreddits for people on the compound versions (mostly compoundedtirzepatide and tirzepatidecompound - tirzepatide is the official name of the medication) and by the third week of January, selected a company that looked legit. I looked into a LOT of companies and many of them felt very sketchy, but this one didn't. This was a company called Mochi.

NOTE ADDED LATER: Mochi has had SEVERAL scandals in the last couple of months. They used to be a reputable company when I used them but no longer are. Do not use them, although I speak about them positively here, as I had a positive experience but since then they have lost reputation.

What I liked about this company is that they assigned a real, actual doctor to you that you had a telehealth visit with before you could get on the medication, the website and intake form looked legit, and you got a nutritionist to speak to as well. It wasn't the cheapest company ($400/month a that point, they've lowered prices since then I've heard) but I decided a place that was a little more professional was worth it.

I signed up, paid my membership fees and got a telehealth appointment for a week away.

---

That week felt like it took forever, but during that week I ordered a digital scale. It said, naked and first thing in the morning after going to the bathroom, I weighed 345 pounds.

I met with my Mochi physician, Dr. Kim and he was great. I made an appointment with the nutritionist, and I waited for my meds to arrive.

I joined loseit.com to start tracking my food intake. My first tracking day was January 30th, 2024. I used some online tools to calculate a range of how many calories a day I should eat and made that my goal. I didn't meet that goal several of first few days after I set my goal, it was too hard. I was fucking hungry.

I changed the way I ate, I had gotten a new rice cooker with a steamer basket on top and would make a half a cup (dry) of brown rice with 6 ounces of chicken breast, plus a bunch of carrot and onion, topped with a few tablespoons of teriyaki or some other sauce. A big, healthy and delicious lunch and three hours after I ate this bounty my stomach would be growling again.

I made my lower-calorie Dinnerly meals for dinner and had gotten rid of the worst of the foods in my fridge and pantry but, honestly, the last few days of January and first 8 days of February were a struggle. I was white-knuckling it and barely staying under my 2000 calorie goal for the day. It was really hard, but I wanted to get my body used to doing better before I introduced the new variable of medication to it.

In fact, on Feb 8th I made this note in LoseIt:

Just wanted to note how miserable this afternoon was. Even after eating a big bowl of DELICIOUS protein and fiber for lunch I was hungry 2 hours later and couldn't stop thinking about food. Was hungry an hour after eating the apple + p b. Beef Jerky just tied me over. Dinner was satiating for the rest of the night finally. Most of the days since I'd been calorie tracking again had been like this. Knowing I'd be getting relief in a few days with the Tirz kept me sane and on track.

Still, I managed to lose 5 pounds in those two weeks. I was proud of me, but it was so difficult that I knew I couldn't keep it up on my own.

I also spent this time watching several videos on how to draw medication from a vial and administer a shot to yourself. Everyone assured me, -- Dr. Kim, lots of posts on Reddit and videos on Youtube, that it was easy and relatively painless.

I ordered a bunch of things to combat every side effect people said might happen.

My PCP had also given me a prescription for an anti-nausea medication so I had that on hand.

I contemplated telling him that I'd chosen to do compound, but decided to hold off, see the results, and would go to him in a couple of months with the results. A lot of people online said their doctors were against compound, so I was nervous.

---

On February 7th my medication arrived via FedEx. That was a Wednesday. I'd decided to hold off taking my first shot until Friday. I warned my boss that I might be out that day, and at about 7:30 in the morning pulled my medication out of the fridge, watched one last "How to inject" video, read all the instructions and labels on the medication, washed my hands really well, prayed for no side effects, and filled the vial after using the alcohol pad to clean the vial top and my injection site. Turns out filling the syringe from the vial was the tricky part, but I figured it out.

(TW: Needles, skip this paragraph.) I triple checked my dosage was right, pinched the skin at the injection site, then cringed as I put the needle on my stomach. I pushed it in. Oh, yeah a tiny, tiny prick but not really painful. The needle went in, I pressed down on the plunger until the syringe was empty, waited a few seconds, and pulled it out.

Hm... that really wasn't that hard, and it didn't really hurt, either! Nice!

I cleaned everything up, and put the medication back in its little container, then back in the fridge.

And then woah, nausea. Not too bad, like maybe a 4 out of 10. I grabbed the Zofran my PCP prescribed and took one, with my morning Dunkin'. Oh yeah, I'd found new Dunkin'... ISO100 Dunkin' Donuts Morning Mocha Protein Powder. Caffeinated protein powder for my morning coffee. A good compromise.

After about a minute, the nausea passed. I sat down at my desk and got to work.

The morning passed normally. I ate 2 slices of Dave's Killer Bread with Cream Cheese (trying to replace my usual bagel or donut) and had an actual cup of coffee with high-protein milk and caramel syrup.

These are my notes in LoseIt for my first day:

First Day

Took shot at 7:45am. Felt minor nausea about 5 minutes after. Took Zofran and it went away. Definitely felt satiated longer before lunch, though was somewhat hungry by the time I ate around 12:30. Very satiated all afternoon, which was a HUGE improvement. Last few days the afternoons have been a struggle. Ate only two cookies and little desire for more after they came. Wasn't all that hungry when I ate dinner, did it anyway. Very satiated still. Drinking Protein shake to get in more protein and calories and could do without.

---

What I didn't really record there is what exactly happened at lunch.

I made the lunch I'd been eating a lot lately, brown rice, chicken, veggies and teriyaki sauce.

And I got like, three fourths of the way through the bowl when it was time to eat.

Then I picked up the bowl to take another bite and I got this feeling almost like "Ewwwww." Not quite ew, though, maybe more like "Ugh."

I looked down at my bowl of very delicious and healthy food and... it was almost like something audible in my body. Just this feeling of "No."

It wasn't nausea, either. The best way I can describe it is a feeling of "No. You've had enough." I looked at the remainder of my food and didn't want anymore. I'd enjoyed it, the rest of it would also taste delicious, but I just felt no desire to keep eating.

"But that's crazy!" I thought. "I'm not full. I'm at least not stuffed. I've been eating this exact lunch most days for the last two weeks! It's great! But even this bowl doesn't actually fill me up! I need to eat all of it or I'll be hungry again in an hour!!"

"Naaaah," another part of me, maybe my stomach part of me said, "you don't. You've had enough. Just stop now. I promise. Really."

"This is insane," I thought. "I'm going to be hungry and miserable again soon."

"Trust me," the other part of me said. "You took your first shot today, maybe this is the medication working."

So, feeling like this was foolish, I covered the bowl with some cling film and put the rest of it in the fridge. I'd want it again soon.

...AND THEN I DIDN'T.

---

I ate my full dinner that night, and I'm not sure I ever finished my lunch.

My only recorded snacks that day were my protein shake and two Girl Scout Cookies.

My niece is a Girl Scout and I had stupidly ordered cookies, doing the thing I always do and say I'll just donate them or give them to a neighbor.

Welp, the cookies arrived THAT DAY. The day of my first shot.

Typically, this would have been cause for half a box to disappear before the day was out, maybe the entire box.

That night, I had two with my protein shake.

Two cookies.

I had two, and I didn't want any more. I was happy with the two.

I was so FUCKING proud of myself. I stayed in my calorie budget that day.

In fact, most days for the next month and a half I had two cookies for a snack at night. I think I'd gotten 6 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, and y'all the first weekend of April every year there's a local gaming conference I go to. I ended up bringing my last two boxes of cookies to the conference for snacks for the table. I had like two out of each of those boxes as snacks that weekend but they were gone pretty early from everyone else eating them, and I was glad.

Those cookies wouldn't have lasted a week before.

---

That Sunday, the 11th I had 1600 calories and I noted in LoseIt that it was HARD to eat that much. The Tirzepatide is strongest 2 days after injection.

---

Monday, February 12th:

Learning how much is "enough" Over the weekend the satiation stayed HIGH. Yesterday was a real struggle to get enough calories in. Today I'm working on better figuring out portion sizes. I think I got just the right amount of portion for lunch. What's amazing is I pretty early on figured out when my stomach is telling me "Enough!" during a meal. I get a very tiny amount of prickly feeling in my upper stomach. Doesn't really "hurt" like pain, just enough to know "Oh, ok, it wants to be done now." And then no problem pushing the food away. It's amazing. And not feeling the same kind of hunger? Like I get a "yeah, I could eat" feeling but not that ravenous "can't stop thinking about food" feeling. It's enough to know my body is ready for food, but it's dulled enough that I don't feel the need for as much as I could possibly eat? Having girl scout cookies in the house and being like "yeah I could eat two and then not think about them anymore" is also amazing. They're there. I don't need them. I know I'll get two sometime tonight, and that's fine. The worst part is just having that full feeling almost all the time, so that's slightly uncomfortable, but also great in making me just not feel like eating MORE. Yesterday especially felt "ugh I have to cram more food to get more calories and I don't wanna" and I've been significantly under calories, which I know isn't good. I need to make the most out of every meal for protein and fiber. Thursday should be a "Hungry day" - will not feel bad about hitting calorie limit that day if I do so. Tirz is such a game changer.

---

Tirzepatide is supposed to be a once a week shot. It's at its weakest the last 2 days before injection day.

Thursday, February 15th: Woke up this morning early and with definite hunger. Had a Protein shake around 7:30 - 8. Was about to start breakfast at 8:30 when got a call to take Pemily to the vet early. DID NOT STOP FOR STARBUCKS/DUNKIN' ON THE WAY HOME. Was barely tempted. VICTORY! (I, without a doubt, would have stopped for SOMETHING on the way home before Tirzepatide.) Had breakfast VERY late (10:15). Had lunch at 1:30. Was supposed to be 3 flour tortillas with meat. Just went ahead and spread the meat to two tortillas. Couldn't finish the second one. Left it for dinner. IDK if I can eat that plus the rest of what I'm supposed to eat. May just leave out the tortillas entirely for dinner. But I need the calories!? It's very, VERY VERY VERY VERY weird to have this "UGH wait I HAVE TO EAT MORE?" problem??! Today is day before 2nd shot. Yeah, a little hunger now but the satiation is there after I eat. Felt the "OK you can stop now" feeling I was afraid I'd miss. Insane. Can't believe this is real, can't believe this is ME. I love it so much. --- Saturday, February 17th: Stop making so much rice. Just a reminder that you absolutely will not eat a half cup of rice as a serving ever again. Stop it, dumby.

(This has almost always been true so far.)

---

The first month was a time of learning. I had set myself calorie and protein goals, it can't be stressed enough how important protein is on the rapid weight loss journey. I was trying to get 120 - 150g in per day. Most days I made that, a few I didn't. Adding in protein shakes and starting to subtract carbs like pasta became something to work on. I didn't change everything out all of a sudden but through the first couple of months would learn something and adjust.

By the end of the month the number of calories I could stand per day had really started to drop. My goal of 2000 calories a day meant I was about 600 under maintenance which would hopefully net me a pound or two of loss per week. I didn't want to drop crazy fast. I didn't want to shock my system. I just wanted to adjust and figure out a better way without hating everything I ate. Finding ways to still eat the stuff I liked for the most part while still making better choices.

By the end of February, despite eating usually 1800 - 2000 calories a day (sometimes a bit more, but more often a bit less) I'd lost almost 15 pounds. At least half of that was probably inflammation and water weight.

After my first shot, it wasn't even hard. I was eating two cookies every night (and one night I had 5, and didn't feel good about it, but still stayed under calories that day.)

I'd also met with my Mochi nutritionist, and she suggested adding in some supplements. A woman's multivitamin, fish oil for heart health (shoutout to Nordic Naturals, they don't give the fish burps!), Magnesium and a probiotic to help with digestion, and a fiber gummy to help with fiber. That adds about 35 calories a day, which I always record.

I kept on doing Dinnerly meals for awhile, eventually doing things like not eating two of the six tortillas that came with the tacos to leave more calories for protein. Dropping almost any pasta-focused meals, etc. Eventually I just realized I was wasting and adjusting around their meals so much it wasn't worth it, and started doing my own meal planning more.

---

So, let's digress a minute here to talk about what Tirzepatide does.

Here's a cool chart I stole from someone's reddit post who stole it from somewhere else on the internet, apologies to the creator for no credit:

Look, I'm not going to pretend I understand all of those things.

But here's the four most important things, to me at least.

First, It lowers insulin resistance. This is the reason diabetics so easily gain weight usually. And apparently people with PCOS have this problem too. So it like, tirzepatide literally makes it easier to lose weight physically. My weight has been coming off steadily, and although I've had some small stalls, I have faith that the medication and sticking to my Plan is working, and that the scale number will drop again in a few days, maybe a week. And it always has.

Second, It lowers inflammation. So many people, myself included, find themselves in significantly less pain due to less inflammation. Guess what... that means it's like, easier to move around! And get more body movement in which means... burning more calories! YMMV on this one but it was great for me. More on that later.

The third big thing it does is quiets the "food noise". When I was talking way earlier about reading the reddit posts, and people saying how their brain is not constantly, constantly, constantly telling them to eat more, until you want to fucking puke, that is what food noise means. It means there are girl scout cookies in a box behind you and your brain will NOT SHUT UP about those girl scout cookies, even if you have eaten a full lunch an hour ago, until you eat the fucking cookies and eat so many you want to puke. Until the box is GONE.

That voice in my brain... it's not 100% gone every minute now, but even when I DO hear it, even when there's something I really, really want, it doesn't control me anymore.

Maybe I'll have one cookie, even two, and then I can stop! Or maybe I'll go have a 25 calorie stick of jerky (shoutout to Snack Mates chicken jerky sticks! They've been my go-to tiny snack for most of the year and they always hit the spot) instead, and that shuts the stupid voice off.

It's such a game changer. Y'all, Tirzepatide doesn't just shut up the addiction voice for food, and yeah, I definitely WAS addicted to food. It's also either being studied for or approved for drug and alcohol addiction as well. There are so many people who were alcoholics or smoked a pack a day or whatever who started taking Tirzepatide and then either significantly lowered or STOPPED their intake of these things. I believe it's also being studied for other addictions like gambling. (Google it, there's lots of articles about it out there.)

I know it almost sounds like mind control but it truly does quiet addiction voices. My mind is so much freer now (lol I know that sounds like something a cultist would say but please believe me). I have more space in my head for my hobbies and to concentrate on work because I'm not thinking about food all the damn time.

I don't think I could have made it through the stress of this summer/fall's renovations in nearly the same way if my brain was as full of the noise as it was before.

I am truly mentally in such a better place because of what this medication does to a person mentally.

Like, hell yeah I still DO look forward to a good meal. Yeah I still want chocolate! Food still tastes AMAZING, just like it always did. It's just that I'm not thinking about it ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Once my stomach is like "It's cool, we can stop now." instead of my brain going "fuck you, stomach, we're eating more!" my brain can go "Oh, nice, thanks for letting me know, you're right, let's stop now." and be DONE with it.

And look, I've still overeaten on occasion, we'll get to that. But even when I DO eat too much, which isn't often and is almost always a special occasion like going out to eat (which I rarely do and only with other people) or Christmas Dinner, it's like "Welp, that wasn't great, let's do better tomorrow."

And then I do.

But I haven't truly binged like I used to, pretty much at all. A handful of moments of weakness or "nope I really am going to finish all this" in the last ten months. Not every couple of days.

OKAY the FOURTH THING Tirzepatide does is that it slows digestion. Remember how I said how I'd eat a big, delicious meal and then two hours later I'd be Actually Hungry again and wanting to eat more?

No more of that. I eat something and I stay full for a long time. They call it "Delayed gastric emptying." The stomach slows down. Food is digested slower, and better. Usually.

This is fantastic for just physically NOT being hungry a lot! So Tirzepatide addresses both mental AND physical hunger. It's SO GREAT eating a decent meal and staying full until about the next time you should be eating. And sometimes past that.

Sometimes it sucks because you know you haven't eaten enough calories today and UGH what do you MEAN I have to eat MORE!? Can I just... not!?

The other big reason this could suck is that in very rare cases people's digestion tracts have paralyzed, meaning they don't digest at all. Typically this is people who overdose on the medication apparently and it's extremely rare but very bad if it happens. The main thing to avoid here is just... taking too much medication. Stay on the lowest effective dose for you. I've been on it almost 11 months now and am still on the 3rd (of 6) dose level. I am hoping to not need to go up more.

More on that later.

The best way I can describe being on Tirzepatide is that I finally, finally FINALLY just feel normal about food. Food is great, but I don't think about it all the time. The only reason I think about it as much as I do is because I very much want to make sure I eat within my calorie range every day and get in enough protein every day. So I still do think about food "a lot" compared to an average person, but I'm thinking about it in a "let's make sure we eat well, around the times we're supposed to eat so that we don't have to eat too much at the end of the day, and get in enough protein and calories today!" way and not "How many cookies can I cram into my face and how soon until I can do that?" way.

Obviously as the graphic above says it does other things, but these are the main changes most people feel.

---

Okay, like I said, this is CRAZY long and yet I have like 10 more months worth of things to discuss, more technical information to talk about, and a lot of really positive things to share.

Please send questions if you have them, or if you just want to about it, I'm VERY happy to do so.

Another post in a day or two! <3

Part Two Here

Part Three Here

#personal post tag thingy #annakie's weightloss stuff

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major-comet · 11 months ago

Text

The Best Red vs Blue Watch Order Guide Ever. Of All Time.

So. You want to watch Red vs Blue, huh? Maybe you read my long post about how it's so weirdly incredible yet impossible to recommend and now you want to give it a shot. Or maybe you have seen the show before, but it's been a long time and/or you didn't watch any of the mini-series or anything and want to give it another go. Either way, looking at a show with a 21 year history is kind of daunting, and you have no idea where to start.

Well luckily for you, I've done the work for you.

This watch guide will cover all 19 seasons of the main show, most of the mini-series, and some of the PSA's and other such bonus content. There will be links provided for where you can watch everything I talk about. This Google Drive (from reddit u/Exitity, unsure if they also have a tumblr) has all of the individual episode uploads, and most of the stuff I'm going to be talking about, although I'm trying to use YouTube links wherever I can. Any links will be colored in light blue for additional visibility.

Couple of quick things before we begin.

When possible, watch the individual episode uploads rather than the "complete" editions. The "Completes", while they may provide a more streamlined viewing experience by cutting out all of the bumpers and outros and such, accomplish this by cutting out a lot of jokes. RvB has a lot of jokes that happen during the fade to black at the end of an episode, and a lot of those get lost in the edits. There's also some things that just straight up get cut for seemingly no reason. Side note, the DvD/Blu-Ray versions seem perfectly fine, and honestly are even better to watch than the individual episodes if you have them. They're like a best of both worlds - adding some extra music and such (ESPECIALLY in the first 5 seasons) that really helps make a nice presentation of the show. If that's an option available to you, I recommend it. Otherwise, stick with the individual episodes.

At the end of each entry in the list, I may present a Side Quest section. This will include anything I feel you should watch that isn't necessarily canon, but helps add some extra life to the series. This may include some behind the scenes stuff or a selection of the PSA's and the non-canon mini-series. This stuff can be really great for building out the characters in a way that doesn't necessarily affect the greater story, and can especially be good for interactions between characters that maybe don't interact much in the main show. Anything I put in a Side Quest is strictly optional, but will add to your viewing experience. Obviously, there's a lot more bonus material than what I'm putting here. I'm just putting down some of the highlights. And if you end up liking the PSAs and such then just know: there's so much more for you to explore.

Early RvB is very much a product of it's time, and sometimes you'll get hit with a line that stops you dead in your tracks. Adult-oriented comedies can always be a minefield, and RVB's roots as a show made for Halo fans in 2003 definitely don't help. However, while this is the most common in the first five seasons, it never really stops being an issue. The purpose of this guide is simply for watch order, but if you have any specific trigger-related questions about any season of rvb please feel free to shoot me an ask or even a DM - i'm more than happy to help.

Okay, let's begin, breaking it down by arc.

The Blood Gulch Chronicles

You may hear people telling you to skip the first five seasons of the show and just pick up with Season 6. Those people are lying to you and do not have your best interests at heart. The first five seasons are pretty much strictly comedy, and from Season 6 onward the show starts to explore deeper themes and stories while still falling back on that comedic foundation. Skipping straight to the deeper stuff doesn't work very well IMO, because those five seasons are spent getting to know the characters we're going to be following for the rest of the show. The stuff that happens in Blood Gulch never stops being important - whether it's side characters showing back up again later on, or laying the foundation for a lot of the moments and story lines that make some of the later seasons so special.

Anyways, the watch order.

Season 1

Season 2

Season 3

Season 4

Out of Mind - Mini-series

Season 5

Blood Gulch Side Quests

Tattoo Point/Counterpoint - Season 1 PSA

A Message to the Science Community - Season 2 PSA

Real Life VS. The Internet - Season 2 PSA

All of the deleted scenes, honestly, but This One in particular because asphodel and I quote it all the time.

The Outtakes/Bloopers - I'm not gonna put the link for these and the deleted scenes for every arc, but just know that you should watch them after every season/arc. There's some great stuff in there.

The Season 5 Alternate Endings

Either watch it Now, or after you watch the finale, but I highly recommend the 2003 Season 1 DVD Commentary. It's just Burnie (Church/Lopez/Vic) and Geoff (Grif), and it's really nice.

If you've ever watched any behind the scenes stuff for RvB or even rooster teeth as a whole, you have almost certainly seen This Clip, which is a behind the scenes of the voice recording for Grif and Simmons' lines in episode 1.

The Recollection

Recovery One - Mini-series

Season 6 - Reconstruction

Relocated - Mini-series

Season 7 - Recreation

Season 8 - Revelation

Recollection Side Quests

First! - Season 6 PSA

Small Rewards - Season 6 PSA

Rock the Vote and Rock the Veto - PSAs made to encourage RvB viewers to register to vote. Which at the time you could do on your xbox 360. These are here mostly as a "wtf" historical piece.

Halo-Ween - Season 7 PSA

Valentine's Day - Season 7 PSA

Fire Safety: Where There's Smoke... - Season 7 PSA. genuinely one of the best.

Holiday Plans - Mini-series

The Reach PSA series - Three parts total, only part one is linked.

Project Freelancer Saga

Season 9

Technically there's two mini-series that take place during Season 9 - being M.I.A. and Where There's a Will, There's a Wall. I really love them, and would recommend watching them after S9, but if you really want to roll into S10 you won't miss much. Weirdly there's a place later on that would be a great spot to circle back to these, but I'll save that for later.

Season 10

Project Freelancer Side Quests

This is a great spot to circle back to older side quests you may have skipped, btw.

The Season 10 Table Read BTS - Season 10 was the first time they ever did a full cast table read for the show, and it's cool to see a few snippets from it and hear the crew talk about it.

Matt Hullum Talks to Himself - watch this after M.I.A. it's a live table read of part of the script, with a focus on a conversation between Sarge and Doc (who have the same voice actor)

This 10 Year Retrospective that was put out around Season 10. Watching it now, knowing that they were about halfway through the lifespan of the show / company gives it a whole new perspective.

RT Oz - PSA

Remember Not to Forget and Voting Fever - PSAs made to promote the launch of Halo 4. Voting Fever is one of the Best Ever (and listen to the full version of That's How Voting Works afterwards!)

This Interview between Burnie and Trocadero talking about the music the band has done for the show. This playlist also has a bunch of other behind the scenes and other such bonus stuff from the DVDs and Blu-Rays, it's great to keep around.

The Chorus Trilogy

Season 11

The Chorus Journal Entries - Only three have fully machinimated versions, the last one is just the log entry. Bridges the gap between 11 and 12

Season 12

Season 13

Chorus Trilogy Side Quests

#1 Movie in the Galaxy - PSA

Getting Away From it All - PSA

#1 Movie in the Galaxy: 2 - PSA

Uh. I think the RvB Holiday Special goes here

Matt Hullum (Sarge) reading an excerpt from 50 Shades of Gray at a book signing.

Season 14 - Anthology

I get it: not everyone loves the Anthology format. I truly do recommend watching all of it at least once - or if you haven't in a long time. My only Side Quests are to say that this is the perfect time to go back to M.I.A. and WTAWTAW if you skipped them after season 9, and that if you skipped the #1 Movie In the Galaxy PSAs during Chorus, watch them now before the third one, which is in this season.

The Shisno Trilogy (seasons 15, 16, and 17)

Season 15

Season 16 - The Shisno Paradox

Season 17 - Singularity

Shisno Side Quests (this is taken from our survey data because it's been so long since I've watched much of any shisno-related stuff)

Hard Truths - PSA

Diversity - PSA

Cultural Appreciation - PSA

Lopez's Technical Guide to Empathy - PSA

Unreal Estate - PSA

Caboose's Guide to Finding Your Home - sequel to the Guide to Making Friends from season 14

RvB: Zero + Family Shatters

okay so here's the deal. If by this point, you're really just interested in the characters you've been watching for the past 17 seasons and not so much the story or anything - you may not get much from watching Zero. I do think it's interesting to watch, if only because I think it's got a lot of missed potential. Zero is not served well by being a season of RvB, I think I would have liked it a lot more if it were stand-alone, though that doesn't fix all of my issues with it. If you wanna jump straight to the series finale, you absolutely can. It's a pretty short watch, though, and I've heard that Family Shatters was better. I'll watch that one at some point.

Zero

Family Shatters - spinoff

Restoration

This is it! The series finale.

I'm not doing this with an other season (though I do recommend going back and watching all the teasers and trailers at some point), but before you watch the finale you should watch The First Trailer For It. I think it sets up the season really well, and helps make some of the rushed set-up exposition in Restoration make a little bit more sense. honestly this should just be considered the first scene of the finale. Then watch the finale, and then you are done with all of the main show of Red VS Blue. Go forth, and be free.

Final Side Quest

I'm putting anything that came out in the nebulous time between Zero and the finale in here. I'll come back and edit this once we find out what on earth is going to be on the Blu-Ray.

Offensive Driving

First Person Tutor

Moving Out

The Video RT Made to Announce Master Chief and Blood Gulch Were Coming To Fortnite. This played at the game awards and my soul almost left my body

This is also where I'll put QvsA, which is the Grimmons mini-series, though I haven't actually watched it myself yet. They're all on youtube.

My all-time favorite RvB fan edit - doesn't actually have any clips post-anthology, but I think the end is a great time to watch it.

If none of this makes sense, or you just have any questions at all - I am More than happy to help answer your queries. I hope this helps :) Also if any of the links are broken please let me know.

#comet posting #rvb #red vs blue #rvb watch order #red vs blue watch order #rooster teeth

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thesiltverses · 1 year ago

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I was listening to S2Q&A and I went over the character limit on Spotify so I'm just gonna drop my comment here instead:

I think all y'all do incredible work, but I'm especially a fan of the sound design! It's one of my favorite things about audio dramas that makes them distinct from audio books. The environmental storytelling that comes through is so satisfying and easy to understand without sounding manufactured.

I might be a minority, but I actually love the muddiness and chaos of your action/battle scenes. You're clearly mastering a fine line between listenability and honoring the disarray of the scene. I enjoy the brief pockets where I don't understand what's happening beat-for-beat because it feels like I'm caught in the fray of it, and not being able to 'keep the score' until it's over ramps up the tension deliciously.

Everyone does fabulous work on this, but I just wanted to gas up your sound design. It's like costuming or lighting- you're doing your job well when those things support the story, and it means people don't notice that effort at times because it's so seamless. One 'tech' to another: very well done!!!

Thank you so much, that's really kind and means a lot! Other than in the Q&As, I haven't really talked that much about picking up sound design duties over the course of the series, but it really has been a meaningful and exciting learning experience for me, not least as a writer getting to hone his writing via audio editing.

Since you mentioned it and I can't pass up the opportunity for a rant - listenability and what that actually should mean in practice is a topic I think about a lot.

I think it's important for audiodrama designers not to get haughty or defensive when listeners struggle to comprehend a particular sequence (I have designed scenes poorly where the dialogue clearly didn't rise over the background noise sufficiently, I've designed scenes poorly where the action was clearly too chaotic or lacked sufficient cues to help the audience through it).

But equally - between wildly different auditory processing capabilities and the wildly different listening environments and listening habits at play, I don't believe there's any perfect state of comprehensibility available in this medium, and sometimes I think our hunt for it can lead us astray.

Over the years, I've heard from listeners who honestly can't tell the voices of actors with globe-spanning accents apart, I've heard from listeners who can't pick up on environmental SFX cues indicating a change of location and need something more explicit in the dialogue whenever there's a scene shift, I've heard from listeners who can only listen through one earbud in the workplace and therefore don't want binaural sound, listeners who struggle to hear any action sequence whatsoever as more than incoherent noise, and listeners who can only enjoy audiodramas solely as a second-screen activity and who can't keep up with a fast-moving or complicated plot without regular recaps.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of that, and those listeners aren't wrong to respond in this way - everyone has their own processing threshold, and everyone has their own needs and preferences as an audience member.

But I also don't believe I'd personally want to create a full-cast show under the limitations that would arise from my attempting to strictly solve all of those problems at once (as opposed to being flexible and considerate about them during the design process).

There has to be room for calculated ambition and big swings in the medium, and there has to be room to trust the audience to keep up with you during the ambitious moments, albeit with one eye firmly on accessibility - otherwise audiodrama is likely to remain dominated by 'one actor with a nice soothing voice telling stories' or 'one small group of characters having lots of conversations about their ongoing efforts to resolve a single plot thread'. Which is often fantastic, but there's plenty of it already!

When it comes to action scenes in particular, I've been trying to operate under the consistent philosophy of 'before, DURING, after', with equal weight and design attention given to each third.

In other words, if we do enough careful and quiet work to establish the environment and props and rising tension ahead of a big noisy chaotic sequence, and if we do the careful and quiet work afterwards to clearly show where the characters have ended up and what condition they're in, my belief is that it's 100% acceptable if the audience can't immediately track the movement of Character A's fist hitting Character B and Character B falling against a table in three seconds flat.

Like good action editing in cinema, an engaged audience member will follow the motion and comprehend the outcome cleanly, even if they don't take in all the details. That, to me, is a vastly better result for the work than having to include a 'oh, no, he stabbed you with that knife!!' line of dialogue.

Anyway, you just wanted to gas me up which was very kind and instead I wrote out this big long blather. So apologies, and thank you so much again!

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steviewashere · 3 months ago

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Fanfic Writer Interview

I may have done one of these already, most likely about my 2023 year, but it never hurts to do another one!

Thank you for the tag @alwaysurvalentine! I love talking about my writing. (As you can tell because every answer is long and all I do is yap. The questions and answers are under the cut...jeez.)

What fandoms do you write in?

I only write Stranger Things (for now), but I've been tempted to do some Arcane, Baldur's Gate 3, and House M.D. fics. Not sure which ships I'd focus on for those fandoms (except for House, lol)...I'll just stick with ST for now.

How many words did you publish in 2024?

...427,360 words. Listen...Listen!!! Now, I will say that I did write a lot for steddielovemonth last year and I did a multi-chapter Steddie Big Bang fic. So that definitely boosted my word count. And also, y'know, really explored and dove head first into kink and smut so... I also just have way too much free time on my hands (unemployed and chronically ill), so I'm always writing.

What are your top three fics you wrote last year?

Okay, I'm gonna answer this in two ways (because I'm unclear on how to interpret it): by hits and then my personal favorites that I wrote. By hits: 1. Indulgence and Discovery | Explicit (read all the tags and such) 2. Love, Rest Your Head | Teen 3. Balls in Laundry Baskets: An Apology | Teen My favorites: 1. Return to Sender | Explicit (read all tags) 2. Make a Home Out of Hurt | General (read all tags) 3. My Friend | Mature (read all tags)

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

Probably when I realized I wasn't going to finish my Merman Steve fic by the end of MerMay. I'm not even sure if I'll have it finished by this MerMay! (Apologies). But also, I was pretty busy with my Big Bang and some other life affairs at the time; juggling multiple multi-chapters was tough. If I get into a groove, though, I may be able to actually finish it. I really love the story, I just need to figure out how the hell it ends.

What have you learned?

I just gotta not care about what I'm writing sometimes. Yeah, sure, I don't want to offend people—I try my best not to. But also, there are some things I'm going to want to explore that I don't need a second opinion on. Some character dynamics (like Steve & Nancy, or even Steve/Nancy—which I still want to write Nancy pegging Steve; anyway), a few kinks that I had discovered and needed to indulge, and also I dipped my toes into Omegaverse. Caging yourself into "normal" shit that the rest of society regulates is what kills art, so. You just gotta not care what other people are writing, yourself included. There's gonna be shit you think is unsavory, there always will be. You can't eliminate it all. That's simply not how it works.

Did you beta any fics last year? Any faves you want to shout out?

I didn't beta any fics at all. Honestly? I probably won't ever simply because I suck at editing my own shit. And for some reason can't read correctly half the time, which is whatever. Gotta leave it up to the people who are passionate about editing and will call me out for being wrong. But shout out to @billystarpip who beta'd my Big Bang fic, Return to Sender. Without 'em, I would've probably gone completely off the rails and end up sounding like a repeating CD.

What three fics from last year did you love?

I read so many fics last year, so this is gonna be hard to pick. But sifting through my bookmarks... (and some of these I may have already recommended, but who cares, these authors deserve all the tags and recommendations). Keep My Hand in Yours by cydonic | Explicit (read all tags) It was one of those that I read at the tail end of last year (because it was posted around Christmas time), but immediately fell in love with. I just knew it was going to make it for my end of the year recommendations—and big old surprise, it did! The Dearest and Best by @emchant3d | Mature (read all tags) Another one of those fics that just reached through the screen and grabbed me. I connected to this one on a very personal level and appreciated not only how beautiful it was, but eloquent, too. Just everything about this fic was so poignant and real and tethering, all at the same time. I seriously cannot recommend it enough. Follow Your Heart by @steddiecameraroll | Teen This one! This one! I've reread it multiple times, both here on Tumblr and also on Archive. I've also recommended this one before, as I've done with the previous two, but man! Man! I think about this fic and it makes me want to go sprinting through the woods like a goblin creature—I don't know what that means, reading it back, but it's a good thing, I promise. Anyway. I adored this one a whole hell of a lot.

What ideas are percolating for this year?

Mmm...I'm afraid I can't share the big one. And...honestly? There's nothing else I've got planned, per se. Anything I write that's not the Big One (trademark) (and also not the earthquake that threatens America's West Coast), is gonna just be written on a whim. See, I'm not a planner. I just go and hope something sticks. Like spaghetti. Like when spaghetti is done and you need to know it's done. Throw it at the wall. Except I'm throwing Steve and Eddie at the wall, hoping Steve doesn't get a concussion, and also hoping they aren't naked and being nasty by the time I look back.

Sending some no pressure tags to:

@ataliagold @gloomysoup @sidekick-hero @scoops-aboy86 @marvel-ous-m GO WILD (if you want...please don't injure yourselves in the process)

#tag game #fanfic author tag game

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faeruy · 9 months ago

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Agatha All Along Tarot Reads

Episode 5 - Darkest Hour, Wake thy Power

Back again, with Lilia's tarot reads from Episode 5. There's a LOT to talk about with this episode, but other people are going to do that to death, so I'll focus on the tarot. As always, I'm an amateur, and I may get things wrong - see the edit on my post on episode 4. I've also done analysis on the cards mentioned in Episode 2 as well.

Knight Of Wands - This one is triggered when Alice goes to save Agatha by blasting her with power - and thereby triggering Agatha's magic suck power. It's a card that's absolutely referencing Alice in that moment.

At it's bare minimum, this could just be a basic, literal-ass read. Face cards tend to refer to people in your life as much as energy, and Wands are the fire suit, ergo the Protection/Fire Witch is a heroic knight.

Alice is definitely those things in the moment, but why stop there, when overanalyzing stuff is so much fun?

Knight of Wands is a lot about energy and motivation. It talks about someone who has found their passion, energy, and drive, and has the enthusiasm to move forward towards their goals. Given the events of the previous episode, I think that gives us a good idea of where Alice's head is at now. She battled the curse, came out triumphant, and now has the motivation that she'd been lacking most of her life, and the energy to finish the Road for her mother. She started to really be the Protection Witch for her Coven. It's interesting to note that of the four real Coven witches (still not sure about Sharon, Rio is something else entirely, and Teen is... ), Alice was the only one who started on the Road with all of her of her powers reliably intact. (Agatha's lost her purple, Jen's bound, Lilia's is a bit wonky) Because of the curse, and her mother's death, though, she didn't really embrace her power. Her trial changed that, and she definitely now has that Knight of Wands energy.

But the Knight of Wands is an impulsive card; in the "new project energy" vibe, it's easy to get in way too deep to quickly. Those it represents tend to be more "act first, think later". It's very much Alice's downfall; in a rush to do what is right, she makes herself vulnerable and gets hurt for it. I firmly believe that the ill-advised impulsiveness are probably what triggered the read from Lilia in the first place, even if Alice fits other aspects of the card as well.

The difference between Upright and Reversed readings on this one is.. odd, and I'm not sure how applicable it is to Alice. Both axis of the card reference impulsive thoughts and behavior, but the Reversed implies there's frustration and anger tied to an inability to properly express creative/motivated energy. And I don't think that's something we saw in Alice at that moment. It may be possible to read it as her 'misdirected energy' being the magic she blasted Agatha with, but it feels a little like a stretch. It might be more of a reference to Alice's past; a witch working dead end security jobs, blocked from doing any real good, any real craft because of a curse that made everything she touch go bad. Another possibility is that it could come into play later; despite what we saw, I don't think we're done with Alice Wu. I really hope not.

Anyway, that's my read the Knight of Wands; hope you all enjoyed it, and if you want to see my analysis for the previous episodes they are, Episodes 1-3 Episode 4 Episode 6 Episode 7 part 1 Episode 7 part 2

#agatha all along #agatha all along spoilers #Agatha all along episode 5 #agatha harkness #alice wu gulliver #lilia calderu #tarot cards #tarot #knight of wands #billy maximoff #billy kaplan #darkest hour wake thy power

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aita-blorbos · 7 months ago

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AITA for deleting a bunch of "people" from existence?

I (50something, M) have this robotic creation (physically 14, M) who we'll call M. I made him with stolen alien technology (aka, the actual aliens), but all he did was disappoint me. He would eat cookies when he didn't need to consume food, watch stupid reality TV shows, do all his tasks poorly, etc.

He even managed to escape my brand's HQ with another one of my robots, and I couldn't find him for a while until I watched him start making his own silly TV reality show. I sent him funding for a few seasons, trying (and failing) to... Get rid of him because he was so outdated, but ultimately deciding that any business was good business, because his little show got very popular– enough to bring in plenty more customers. However, all good things must come to an end, and after sending him a new assistant (who failed miserably, might I add), I decided to take matters into my own hands.

You see, the biggest reason I let M keep functioning is because he had the unique ability to generate whatever he wanted out of thin air, using the alien energy in his core. He (unknowingly at the time) created the very contestants for his reality show out of nothing as well, something I knew for quite a while. I knew the only way I could get my hands on M's power again (and to use him as bait to get more alien power) was to speed up the ending of his show. So I decided to lie to the useless assistant, who I'll call T, and convince him that the "training exercise" I had him do was to make him a better assistant was just that, a mere training exercise. T was, in reality, piloting a mech that could erase the consciousness of M's creations, which I then had to take over because T did nothing but disappoint me too.

A lot of people have been rather upset with me, but I don't see what the issue is here. M is just a robot with an emotion emulator, not a real person, and the so-called "people" he generated aren't real either. They're intelligent enough, sure, but they're not real. All I did was do a little editing on some excess code, like any good creator would. I've done nothing wrong! Innovation isn't a crime!

But I will still ask you all- aita?

EDIT: I terminated those useless color-coded robots for good reason too! One of them kept spraying juice everywhere! I didn't even add that feature! Quit asking about that!

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

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nico-esoterica · 9 months ago

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"Help! My SP has a Problematic Chart!" (LOA Edition)

The planets don't have to mean a damn thing, just fyi. But if you are an astro-girlie who still likes reading synastry but you feel conflicted bc you know you control your reality now, i gotchu.

Saying this as a professional astrologer, you need to know anyway that it's always about the individuals involved and their choices regardless of what any readings say. Another thing to know is that you can just tell yourself that you have perfect synastry and everything works. I've done this before and it was magic.

But as far as placements go, change the story:

"But they have venus/their moon/juno in aries/gemini/libra/sag/aqua, it means they'll cheat!" - That's an affirmation, careful. But look:

🍥 Aries placements = Loyal, actually. They want praise and attention because they're terrified you'll leave them and make someone else your number one. Their biggest fear is that you'll think someone is better than them.

🍥 Sagittarius placements = They share a traditional ruler w/ Pisces for a reason. Everything you can say about Pisces you can actually attribute to Sag as well. When they're in love, they're very moonstruck, dreamy, and infatuated. What happens w/ a lot of them is that they project their fear of being limited/trapped onto their partners so that's where the flightiness originates. Some weren't raised in households that nurtured their explorative minds and curiosity and it was met with control and abuse. When you start working to the far end of the signs, you see a common upbringing story.

Another thing - Controversial take maybe, but theeeeey want to be utterly devoted to the right person. Jupiter/Sag is also about belief, religion, and spirituality as well but it's the structural and institutional aspect of it. So, relationship wise, they are fine w/ orbiting around the right person forever. Their flightiness is a response to that quality of them being exploited early on. This is why hard Jupiter and 9H/12H points in natal charts suggest religious indoctrination and/or there being a strong authority figure they couldn't say no to. But even as adults, natives w/ these charts have a sort of love/hate affair w/ authority/control. That's still a devotional element. That person is a very loving and commitment-centric person. They just don't want to be hurt is all. So, I'd recommend to start seeing those positive traits.

🍥 Air placements = Loyal, trusting, and emotionally available. They just won't act like that if they don't feel safe. They were taught by their environments that masking was effective bc said environments didn't care about who they were if they weren't agreeable or palatable. The free thinking-ness is also usually a response to dogmatic and authoritarian households. Especially w/ Aqua placements. If you tell yourself that they feel safe and vulnerable around you, you will see that's who they've always been. Don't believe pop-astro hype.

🍥 'Flirty' charts/placements where there's a lot of Venus, Pisces, Taurus, Libra, etc, can be refocused to just center around You. Natally speaking, people like this are usually quite relationship-centric and want their world to be in their partner. It's just that they learned they were rewarded for seeming available and they will have weaker boundaries because of it. It's not that they're players. They just learned that they couldn't say 'no', even if they wanted to. This can lead to a disassociativeness and numbness to said attention where it auto-pilots and the real them isn't actually engaged at all but they're used to it so the boundaries stay permanently down. From a new story standpoint, take all of those lovers' qualities and say they only have eyes for you and are the biggest romantic ever and they will be :)

🍥 Commitment-phobic/Distrustful placements/aspects (saturn/pluto/scorp/cap-aqua, etc) - This is another hurt person again. No one is just born fearing intimacy and commitment. The reason the walls go up so thick is because these people are extremely sensitive and susceptible to 'loving hard and falling hard' bc they get wrapped up in who they love as people and have a problem letting go. Natally speaking, there is almost always going to be trauma involved here. You can revise your sp's story and/or you can tell yourself how trusting, loyal, passionate, and tender they are (bc it's true!). They have feral cat syndrome. But once you show them some love and change your story? They're the sweetest kittens, I promise :) But omg if you wanted someone who's super ride or die? You've got the right person!~

🍥 Water placements: Give them a plant (that's hard to kill) or a stuffed animal of their fave childhood character, I am being so serious. You see a lot of insecure attachment issues, self-victimization, and almost untraceable manipulative behavior when these people are insecure. They're very emotional and that quality, in my experience, is the result of coming from families that don't always value that and prefer emotional suppression. A child comes along who's the antithesis of this.

Them being emotional and sensitive is typically abused and exploited and they turn into overgivers and find ways to 'bargain for affection' but want to 'keep' the people to avoid abandonment so they'll find screwy ways to attach themselves inappropriately. So, they'll hold them hostage. Water can both heal and drown w/ submergence. The inverse of this is someone who's very grounded and has little healthy outlets to poor their emotional intensity into, are excellent listeners, intuitives, and people who you will genuinely never feel unloved or unsupported around. Water placements are lifers as people. So, change your story and let yourself experience the best of them :)

🍥 Note: Even tho the below says hard aspects, this can apply to anything you think fits. Even helpful aspects can have the opposite effect!

Hard Sun/Moon/Asc aspects? - They disassociate/mask and fear intimacy/vulnerability. Abysmally low self esteem. Sun/Moon issues can also point to issues w/ their parents. Change the story.

Hard Venus/Mars aspects? - They overgive, fear taking action, take things too far, have poor boundaries, and don't know how to safely take action in a way that benefits instead of hurts them/others. Change the story.

Hard Merc/Jupiter aspects? - They overthink/overcomplicate everything, are very intelligent and/or lucky but chronically doubt themselves or think they'll be limited bc of experience, they overextend themselves and overplan, they overstimulate/overwhelm themselves bc they might be stressed out or coping. Change the story.

Hard Saturn/Pluto aspects? - They fear loss of control, plan for the worst, don't trust easily, prone to doomerism and melancholy, can cope in self-destructive ways, operate from a fear-based logic from heavy trauma. Change the story.

Hard Uranus/Neptune aspects? - Fear they can't ever do things/get things at the 'right time', can disassociate and check out in maladaptive ways, can be flighty and irresponsible, have really great ideas but execute them poorly, have trouble believing in themselves, have poor boundaries and/or run away from everything. Change the story.

Everything else that's potentially problematic astrologically is just you ruminating over the old story instead of the one you want. The chart's complexity doesn't mean anything over said story. You can use it as an aid that'll have little stories you can choose to believe or discard. But just know that no matter how favorable or difficult a chart is or what your compatibility says, only your assumptions will reflect.

So I don't recommend overanalyzing these charts unless you wanna be utterly Mercurial/Plutonic and write every little thing down and change the meaning they have..which you can totally do and I've personally done. Lmao. Have fun!~

#astrology #synastry #law of assumption #loa #manifesting sp #tips

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igneous-crocnroll · 3 months ago

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Awwwww oh my gosh that Zappa design is so cute!!! (sorry I didn't do my homework and check if someone had already asked, I should have looked further)

If I may continue my curiosity, especially since I know a lot of the critters you draw are of the fluffy sort, have you done Answer before? (Actually looked through your tags this time and don't think I saw him) since the closest things he has to animal motifs are snakes and frogs bc of his battle summons, would he still be fluffy to you? Scaly? Is there any hard and fast rule to help you decide what to make a character? I'm interested in your creative process, if you're willing to share it!

Don't worry one bit!! I was actually thinking about drawing him once more, I welcome repeat requests! Buuut if they are repeats, I encourage suggestions of poses, situations OR perhaps different outfits (I've drawn an acr Faust followed by a requested Strive Faust, for example), otherwise the poses I think about just keep getting crazier...

The last time I drew answer was AAAGES ago, and I was a bit shy about tagging my art since I was just getting into Guilty Gear... I'm always shy about invading a tag with my funny animals at first. Either way I don't blame you for not finding him (he was untagged) and this is my chance at redesigning him!!

I think both snakes and frogs fit him very well - though to account for his spikes, we can make him a Spiny bush viper or a Crested Forest Toad.

Draft edit: I typed a whole article about my animal-picking process and it's making the post LOOOONG, so here it is below a cut!

I think... When making a character an animal, I like to discuss it with a few friends first, bounce some ideas off of them. It usually comes down to "what animal I want to draw"

There are of course moments when the work is done for me (Like Leo, Croe, Izuna, etc.) but even then a reversal of expectations is always fun. I don't think anyone would disagree that Elphelt is bunny like, but I made Aria, Valentine and Jacko lizards*, so how can I finangle this conundrum in a way I'm satisfied with? Well, I give Valentine, Jacko and Ramlethal things like manes and mammalian-like ears, and gave Elphelt horns and a lizard like tail. Meeting in the middle! I like to restrict hybrids and fantastical creatures to special characters (the gears and the valentines, for example), but I do often make exceptions for characters I really like (Hi Baiken!).

(*Own bias. I'm a croc! I'm a dragon! I'm a croc and a dragon and I like my reptiles! Aria happens to be a monkey tail skink because I learned about the existence of this animal recently... and they have prehensile tails! How cool is that?)

Though not Guilty Gear, back in The Day I made Lisa Silverman from Persona 2 half mountain bongo half lioness hybrid. Not to get too deep into her story, this was both to consolidate her connection to the zodiac Taurus, to her friend Tatsuya, and her feeling of otherness from those around her. Sin would also count as a hybrid, but it only really shows when he's older. Don't mind his tail.

Some other times, I like to keep in mind the region they're from and try to pick an animal from there. This is why Axl is a badger! This can play a bit into hurtful or boring stereotypes, so I try to be careful about it. That's also another issue - a lot of animals are used for insults (rats, snakes, cows, pigs, etc.) and even though I never do this out of hatred, someone else can misunderstand me, so that's another thing to keep in mind.

If characters belong to a group, I can follow a theme! With the Conclave, they're ancient creatures from rrroughly the ice age, and I try to have one mammal, one fish, one reptile, one bird and one, er, something else. Work in progress. Which one of them is more bug-like...

But the most important part to think about, for me, is motifs. Bedman and Delilah, with their oneiric motif, are sheep, because of "counting sheep"... Though Delilah could've been an owl, a creature quite associated with the night-time. Faust is an old world vulture, because though looming, creepy, with an odd gait (you HAVE to go see videos of vultures walking about, its so funny), he's doing an essential job, and he's actually quite kind! The Jellyfish Pirates are marine animals, May being an otter because of her speed and strength and Jovial Disposition. Frederick is a Gorilla, not just because of the jokes regarding his play-style, but because despite their looks, they are usually timid, gentle and inquisitive animals.

It's also because of motifs that characters like Ky don't have a single set animal. He's a wolf because of canines, he acts as a bridge between mankind and "the beasts", a pack animal who is quite fierce in battle but cares dearly for his family. He's a unicorn because of his dichotomy with dragons, because of his newly acquired gear blood (fantastical animal!), because of his Noble Appearance, his royalty, and lets be honest he's kind of horsey isn't he.

Sometimes I like to go for lesser known animals whenever I can, because to be quite honest I love zoology and I want everyone to appreciate the great variety of fauna that exists in the world! Sadly it doesn't always work out, because it's easier to recognize a character as a Lion than as a black-footed cat. It's the thought that matters, I suppose!

Even after an animal is picked, that choice can change because of my best friends the shapes. I've been told my art is very "shapes" (sic) and it is In Fact a point of character design I focus a lot on. Your first impression of a character can say a lot about them! Sometimes the conjuction of the animal's shapes and the character's shapes don't work out, in which case I can make them an Interesting Inversion Of The Norm, if that would make sense for the character, or I can pick another animal. Jam is currently in Animal Limbo because she was meant to be a hedgehog (spiky hair... yeah, sometimes I can be basic), but they're not exactly known as "agile" animals unless you count a certain blue blur. Stocky legs make for cruddy high jump kicks.

(Though I think it's pretty obvious I like to draw characters on the stockier, heftier side. Never be ashamed to follow your heart when drawing a character, it's what makes your art yours!)

When drawing my pear shaped dragons I have a lil bit more freedom, since I can just pick and choose different parts.

Thennn... When it comes to colours, I usually stick to variants of the hair colour, if it happens to be distinctive enough. Inevitably I'll pick colours from the outfit because they're associated with the character (sol is red, ky is blue, i like funny animals, and I bet so do you!), but usually change a bit of its values so it doesnt blend into the actual outfit.

Faust's feathers are my self-proclaimed greatest moment of genius, being greenish blue and inspired by his shirt. It's not like there was much hair to pick from!

Sin and Dizzy were a special case of being the fanartist's precious favourites, with their colours, designs and patterns being tweaked since... 2023, I think? You can go back and see just how different they both looked!

Now, everything that comes next, the sky is the limit! How will them being a funny animal affect their behaviour, fighting style, what funny jokes can be made? Its all up to you!

#anthro #guilty gear #sfw furry #sfw anthro #clean furry #Anthro frog #answer guilty gear

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totallyboatless · 2 years ago

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It is time, friends, for another Pip's Weed Essay game. The rules: I'm about to take an edible and start writing a mini-essay in one sitting. I edit a tiny bit as I go, but for the most part this is on the fly. I've thought about this topic a lot, but haven't outlined it. I'll let you know when the edible hits, but there's a chance you'll realize it before I do. (PIRATE FRIENDS STICK AROUND - this is Pip from the future, I get pretty high in this, but anyway I'm here to tell you that this goes in a very unintended OFMD direction that i'm still reeling from. Anyway back to Past Pip)

Edible ingestion commencing, time: 7:37pm Mountain Time

I polled my followers for the topic, so today we're going to talk about:

Fixing the Puck Problem

I've read and seen A Midsummer Night's Dream more than any other Shakespeare play. At this point I don't know if I've seen it so much because it's my favorite, or enough opportunities for me to see it have lined up that it's become my favorite by default. It's easily the Shakespeare play I know best. I haven't seen a staging that I fully disliked, but there are two elements of this show that I feel like are rarely handled the way I want them to be.

Problem one:

Puck will never be as funny as Bottom

It's common to consider Puck to be the main character of A Midsummer Night's Dream. He's at the very least the most famous character in the play. Puck is a dream role, and obviously with his being a fairy, he's usually directed to be weird and whimsical--and a lot of the time, playing for laughs. It makes sense, he's a trickster, it's built into his nature.

But in modern day, his lines and actions don't translate as well as Bottom's. In all of the times that I've seen A Midsummer Night's Dream, I've *never* seen a production where Bottom fails to steal the entire show away from Puck. I've had multiple experiences where I could feel the director wanting me to laugh at Puck; I could see the reasons for the direction, but it just wouldn't hit. In those same productions, I've laughed so hard at the Bottom scenes that I cried.

I'm thinking particularly of the 2010 production with Judy Dench reprising Titania (honestly still in shock over seeing that lolol) and the 2019 Bridge Theatre production (which you can find streaming, it's *incredible*).

In the 2010 show, the Puck actor kept doing what honestly felt like a Woody the Woodpecker impression lol. He would pause for laughs and they just...wouldn't happen. Meanwhile, Bottom was set up with the kind of success that let him steal at least one scene from fucking Judy Dench.

In the 2019 Bridge Theatre production, I genuinely like the direction they gave Puck--he's a weird little twitchy Irish punk doing fucking aerial silk shit. But even with a unique vibe and a fun performance, it's still not enough to outshine Bottom.

Basically my thing is that I want to get to the end of A Midsummer Night's Dream and feel more connected to Puck. I *want* him to be my favorite. And there's just absolutely no way to make him my favorite if his core purpose is to be funny. Puck is supposed to be a larger-than-life being--the audience is never going to buy that when he's not even the largest character on the stage.

The second problem is smaller, and in fixing it there's also a fun chance to fix the Puck problem:

Problem two:

The audience usually doesn't understand why Titania and Oberon are fighting.

If you've gotten this far you're probably already a nerd who knows this, but gonna pose the question like I've done for other people I've seen the show with: Why are Titania and Oberon fighting? What's the core reason?

Bc you're a fucking nerd you probably yelled CHANGELING! Which yes, good for you, if I had become the Shakespeare professor I wanted to be but didn't have the money to become, you would be in my class and I would throw a snickers at you for a reward.

But the thing is, a *lot* of people who only know the play casually don't know. And most productions don't assist them in knowing.

Elaboration for non-nerds: Titania had a "and they were roommates" totally not at all lesbian relationship with a human women who was pregnant. The women dies in childbirth and Titania takes the child to raise, and she cherishes him more than anything, which is an extremely straight thing to do. In the play, the character is only referred to as the changeling. Oberon gets super jealous of this kid and wants to steal him away and make him join the Wild Hunt so that he can have Titania's full attention back, because he's got that issue creepy men get when they have kids and then are like "I'm jealous of my son because he's making it less likely for me to fuck my wife" and it's like "dude calm down with this projection of an Oedipal complex."

If you're not a coward and read Titania as in love with the changeling's mom, then Oberon's issues are maybe slightly less creepy, but like not really

So that's it really. Titania loves this kid of her sapphic lover that died. Oberon is jealous about it. He decides to play a trick on Titania both as a way to get revenge, and also as a distraction so he can steal the kid.

But the issue is that 1.) all of this is communicated in a long and kind of boring speech, and 2.) the changeling literally never has a line and also no stage directions

The 2010 production had a hot dude chained up and writhing on stage in a kind of hot dance snake movement thing when Titania talks about him, but most productions never even have an actor cast as the changeling. I was really shocked they didn't have anyone for the 2019 production, given how much I love most of the rest of their choices.

OKAY SO. We now have the two problems: Puck isn't the fan favorite even though he should be; and most people in the audience have no fucking idea about the changeling.

(THIS IS HIGH PIP FROM THE FUTURE I FORGOT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO THIS PROBLEM: If you do know about the changeling/follow along with that plot, it's *very* hard to root for Titania and Oberon when they reconcile. Which can be fun and cool and a little hot even maybe if you're going all dark, but thIS IS A PLAY ABOUT HORNY FAERIES HAVING A GOOD TIME so I won't be having that. I want this play to make me like that Titania forgives Oberon so easily. Okay Past Pip, take it away)

lol okay yeah weed friend has landed, I just wandered away for a minute with a desperate need to put taquitos in the air fryer. Time stamp: 8:16.

OKAY FOR REAL NOW LET'S GET INTO:

Pip's Most Ideal Staging of A Midsummer Night's Dream Which Fixes the Problems in Theory

The Staging:

First off I want the production to be in the middle of the literal woods where there's pretty lights in all the trees and people are sitting on blankets and have snacks and drinks and drugs and whatever they want, and the whole staging has the actors weaving through the audience. Not just theatre in the round, full immersion

I also want people to not fully know where the production is, just that it's on the outskirts of the forest, and then the actors emerge from the woods at a designated time and bring the audience to the secret stage section. And ideally this would be like a park on the outskirts of woods so that there would also be people there who wouldn't know what the fuck was going on. And ideally some of the fairy actors convince them to come along and the people go having no idea what they're about to get into. That's how A Midsummer Night's Dream is meant to be experienced in its purest form: with actors dressed as fairies trying to seduce unsuspecting strangers to follow them into the woods to an unknown location where they'll probably be offered drugs.

TAQUITO TIME

Taquitos acquired.

Puck's direction and motivation:

When Puck is first introduced, it's by a fairy called Peasblossom who's otherwise not a big part. Peasblossom lets the audience know who Puck/Robin Goodfellow is by basically going stan-mode and being like "holy shit you're famous." PB literally starts listing his greatest hits.

So picture with me: instead of an extremely fairy-like whimsical Puck, I want a Puck that wanders on-stage like a burnt-out rockstar. Cigarette in one hand, beer in another. Probably on a cocktail for faerie super magic mushrooms. Just fully numbed out. In this moment, Puck feels way more human than faerie--and I want the performance to be in a way where that feels off. To have it be communicated in manner and clothing, and the juxtaposition of PB recounting Puck's glory days, that Puck hasn't always been like this. This isn't a faerie trickster in his prime. This is a man who's lost all sense of fun and is going through the motions.

That's what happens, right, when you become just a little too famous?

Puck is the only one of the main characters who gets to the end of the show and is entirely alone.

(my favorite thing about being high is how *good* it makes food taste, these taquitos are not fancy but with the power of the devil's lettuce it's so good--oh my god I have Dr. Pepper)

(I'm back with the Dr. Pepper. I'm having fun, are you guys having fun? If you've made it this far i kiss u)

So Puck is alone at the end of the play while everyone else of import is either with their lover or with their theatre-kid-found-family. And it's largely because Puck lives between worlds. He's not powerful enough to be fey royalty; he's Oberon's right-hand man, but he's not Oberon's peer. But the lower fey court are also not his peers -- they treat him like a celebrity, he can't actually connect with them. He's not allowed to frolic and play with them anymore, not really.

With this interpretation and direction, we now have a Puck whose action in the plot can lead to a happy ending (keep with me), and whose existence isn't just to be quirky and whimsical for the audience. Instead it's a Puck with a motivation: he's lost all joy in his job, he's disconnected from him community, and Oberon only treats him like a fuckbuddy so he's sexually frustrated. (Oh right yeah I was supposed to write about how Puck is in love with Oberon. He is.) That's all fucking sad, bro! And you know from the Pip that traveled into the past that this play is fun and should be fun!

Now for the final part, where we put in the special ingredient to tie this particular Puck direction into the happy ending:

LET'S 👏 GET 👏 GAY 👏

Do you guys (gn) remember the changeling? It was like possibly an hour ago, the time-warp this particular edible always sets me on has fully set in. It's possible this essay is like 5k words long. It's also possible it's only 500 words long. I wish I was lying when I told you I don't know.

Anyway, the changeling. Let's make him a fuller character and let's give him to Puck wrapped up in a sexy, charming bow.

Picture this: The Changeling, from now on capitalized as a character, shown on stage in Titania's court. Locked up like a princess in a tower because Titania is desperate to protect him. And the Changeling is all *sigh and flutter big beautiful princess man eyes* because he wants to explore what's out there. Because he's a man who's grown up and been forced to live between two worlds. He's not fey royalty, he's not Titania's actual kid and she kind of honestly treats him more like a momento of her lesbian lover than an actual adopted kid. He can't be one of the fey court, because he's not fey, and also he's not allowed to frolic and play with them.

That should sound familiar to you if I did it right.

Puck and the Changeling, both feeling the same sort of empty spot. So let's smush them together.

Give the Changeling all of Peasblossom's lines. It makes more sense for a detail I left out before, too--Peasblossom doesn't recognize Puck they see him for the first few lines. Once they do they're all like "omg you're the dude that makes people horny for each other and also some other trickster things." They know all of Puck's stunts, but they don't know what he looks like? It's clearly an exposition device, but it's a weak one (sorry, Shakesy). He's the rockstar of the fey world. You'd have to be living under a rock or, I dunno, locked away like a beautiful man-princess --

(Okay you know where I'm going and I have to stop there because I'm cry laughing, I swear to you -- I swear to fucking god, guys, I wish I was joking -- I thought I was being cute and clever saying "man-princess". Not because of irony. IT'S BECAUSE I FORGOT THERE IS A WORD FOR A PRINCESS WHO IS A MAN AND THAT IS A PRINCE. Okay i should clearly wrap this up lol)

In this staging, the Changeling clearly doesn't want to be locked up. So...he finally finds a way to sneak out. He goes on a romp through the forest and that's when he runs into Puck (this is the scene where we first meet Puck). The Changeling wouldn't recognize Puck, though he's have heard of him. He probably loves stories because what the fuck else does he have to do, so he's asked the fairies to tell him about Puck's adventures over and over. Meanwhile, Puck wouldn't recognize the Changeling because Titania has been keeping him so under lock and key. It allows an opportunity for them to connect on more of a peer basis as they--

Holy fuck. Wait. Hold on. Is the Changeling Stede. Is Puck Ed. What the fuck. Did I write an AU on accident. I don't even like AUs very much (sorry AU writers it's not personal it's just not my thing).n ANYWAY sorry for the pirate aside. God this is properly off the rails now.

They like each other, you get it. And now Puck has someone he wants to impress. There's not a lot of opportunities to give the Changeling more lines, but that doesn't mean he can't appear on stage. He can stay with Puck (hiding from Oberon whenever he's there, leading to some good chances for physical comedy) and go on the nighttime adventure of his dreams.

This leads to a fun, unique choice: having Puck fuck up the love flower juice plan on purpose. So that he can show this hot dude following him around with wide enthusiastic eyes the kind of things he's capable of OH MY GOD THIS IS ED AND STEDE I SWEAR THIS IS NOT ON PURPOSE I AM JUST NOW SEEING THE PARALLEL

Okay we're nearly at the end I promise. We just have one more problem to solve: How are we supposed to root for Titania and Oberon to get together when Oberon literally publicly humiliates her and then steals her adopted son and forces him to join the Wild Hunt even tho Titania REALLY doesn't want him to? Well, the first one is easy, Titania and Oberon are so fucking kinky, and Oberon likes getting cucked (remember he's only jealous of the Changeling, never the lesbian).

The second one is also easy. Make it the Changeling's choice. Leaving Titania and joining Oberon's court means two things: He gets to be with Puck, and joining the Wild Hunt allows him to go on exciting adventures. If Titania saw that the Changeling wanted this with the staging that both Titania and Oberon look over and see Puck and the Changeling making out right after Titania's spell is broken. Then Oberon can jokingly delivers the line about having stolen the Changeling, realizing that the plan worked but in the most ridiculous way possible. And how could Titania not find joy in all of that?

It makes me so much more glad to see them get back together.

Puck's closing soliloquy is his most famous, but I like his last big monologue right before it better. There's a very important line he says that communicates an important shift within the context of his particular staging:

And we fairies, that do run

We.

Puck isn't a lonely, washed-up rockstar anymore. He's part of a "we." Not just the Changeling, but the other fairies, too. Puck and the Changeling act as bridges for each other, to be part of each other's worlds in a way that feels like a whole -- OH MY GOD IT IS ED AND STEDE

Puck being alone on stage isn't so sad anymore, after all that. Because Puck, who starts off the play with so little sense of belonging, now has so much to go back to.

And that's it, that's my ideal staging of this play. Honestly, I really, really want to direct it. I have no experience directing but I have the audacity to think I could do it lol. No resources, tho

OH ONE LAST THING HELENA NEEDS TO BE INTO PUP PLAY

also the lovers are all in a polycule, that's just a given, any other staging is cowardly

alright bbye

[exit]

final time stamp: 9:25 PM, not rereading, just hitting post. We die like Mercutio.

#Pip's Weed Essays #shakespeare #shakespeare staging #a midsummer night's dream #ofmd sort of i don't know how this happened #i mean it could have influenced me coming up with this staging??? It must have somehow??#I didn't start conceptualizing it until this year #I wasn't in the middle of a pirate hyperfixation at the time tho #but i guess they just always are there in the back of my head #shakespeare analysis

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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 2 years ago

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Hi. I was wondering if you'd be willing to write an kind of AU where Sihtric can actually hear people's thoughts. Something like telepathy. And he meets Reader and he can hear all her thoughts also about himself. That would be kind of scary 😂 but also I'm sure you'd make it super fun. I don't care if you make it medieval or modern,anything you'd like.

Note: giving u all a break from my Halloween fic as I edit the next chapters. And oh my god, this idea was so cute! I could've made this SUCH a long fic, but I got too much going on already, so I kept it simple. hope you like it!

Warnings: suggestive, lots of curse words...

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

Summary: Sihtric noticed a new library employee, and you certainly had loud thoughts about him.

Word count: 1,8k

Masterlist

'I just can't focus on the words anymore.'

Sihtric worked from home, as it was the only way he could keep a job. And to prevent himself from isolating, he goes to the library every day, when his work was done. He had been going to the library ever since he recently moved, and by now he already knew all the employees by face, and thoughts. But today, as he had to return a book he had borrowed, he saw someone new behind the service desk. Someone seemingly innocent who took his breath away at first glance.

*******************

Sihtric was blessed with a curse. He was one of the very few who was able to hear other people's thoughts. It had driven him insane when he grew up. But as he got older, he learned how to deal with it. He could almost tune it out, so to speak, but it was still always there. He was sick and tired of the people in his hometown, so he had recently moved. He found the library in his new city a lovely place, as it was quiet and with little people around, and those who were around usually had no thoughts going on, because they were reading or writing in peace.

'Hi,' you looked up from your computer, 'how can I help you?' Holy shit, you thought, which Sihtric heard.

'Hey,' Sihtric smiled, 'eh, I'd like to return this book.'

'Sure thing, you got your library card?' what the fuck…

'Of course, hold on, it's somewhere in my backpack,' Sihtric said and started rummaging around in the bag.

Where did this guy come from? Oh my god… what a babe. That jawline, that accent, those arms- wait, are those scars on his face? Oh my… I sure like a bad boy. And that hair! Oh, sweet Jesus, the wild hair. Wait, what book is he returning… you glanced at the book on your desk, damn, A Brief History of Time? Okay… pretty boy got the brains too...

Sihtric smirked as he looked for his library card. He usually didn't enjoy hearing what people thought of him, but you had to be the prettiest lady he had ever seen. And he was happy to hear you thought he wasn't bad himself.

'Here,' he handed you the card and looked into your eyes.

What the fuck, he has two different coloured eyes? IS THAT EYELINER? Oh my fucking god, I am very unwell right now…

'Thanks,' you smiled as you took his card.

Are those lines tattooed on his fingers? Jesus fucking christ, I'd let this guy rail me in the backroom right now…

Sihtric suddenly coughed and tried to compose himself as you scanned his card and the book he's returning.

'There you go. Anything else?' you pushed his library card back over your desk and smiled. If you need any help… anything… ANYTHING

'It's taken care of?' he asked while putting the card back in his backpack, trying not to smile.

'Yep, you can borrow another book again if you wish.' do you want me to read you anything? At night? In bed perhaps?

'Thanks,' he smiled, 'not to be nosy, but… are you new here? I've been here daily for a few weeks now, ever since I moved, and I haven't seen you before.'

Aha, new guy in town I see… well, hello...

'Oh, no, I've been working here for years,' you said, 'but I was on holiday, only returning last weekend. So back to work it is.' you are hotter than the temperature on that island I was at…

'I see,' Sihtric chuckled, 'a damn shame time flies when you're on holiday, right?'

'A damn shame,' you smiled. A damn shame you're probably not single…

'I am,' Sihtric blurted out.

'W-what?' you froze. What the fuck?!

'I mean,' Sihtric cleared his throat, 'I… I am Sihtric,' he saved himself, holding his hand out to you.

'S-Sihtric,' you smiled, 'I'm (y/n),' you said and shook his hand. Fuck, I love a guy with a firm handshake. I wonder what else is firm about him…

'Nice to meet you,' Sihtric tried to suppress a grin, 'I'll be seeing you around.' He winked before he turned his back to you, on his way to pick another book to read.

He did not just wink. Did he wink? Oh my god. OH. MY. GOD. I have to text the girls…

Sihtric chuckled to himself as he heard your thoughts. He scanned his eyes over numerous titles until he found something that seemed interesting, before he purposely went to sit close to the service desk. Close to you.

You looked up as you saw movements in the corner of your eye, and you found Sihtric smiling at you as he sat down. Sir, the whole library is free… why… why must you sit there. A torture.

'Found a new one to read,' Sihtric said, holding up a book.

'Enjoy,' you chuckled. My god, he is cute. He is ridiculously cute. And hot. That's it, I'm calling the cops. This is a whole crime… I better call the fire brigade too. AND the medics, because someone needs to check my pulse…

Sihtric hid his face behind his book and couldn't stop smiling. He thought you were cute, yet not that innocent though. But Sihtric didn't mind that, because if he was honest; he would totally rail you in the backroom too right now. But he was a gentleman, for now, and you were at work.

******************

Do your job, girl, come on. Stop letting your eyes wander to the insanely hot guy with the strange name- oh, fuck no!

Sihtric looked up from his book.

'Hello, beautiful!' a man said as he walked up to you.

'Shhh! This is a library!' you hissed quietly, 'how many times do I have to tell you?'

'I know, I know,' the man said more quietly now, 'just came here to see you again.'

I know, you fucking creep. You smiled.

'So, you never answered my question the other day… when I was here?' the man said and leaned over the counter, peeking at your legs under your work skirt. I'd make good work of those legs, mhm.

Sihtric grimaced at the unheard interaction. You were clearly creeped out by the guy, and rightfully so, he was old enough to be your grandfather, but he clearly had other ideas than slipping you some money to go and buy an ice cream, you know, the thing grandfathers are supposed to do.

'I'm sorry, but it's a work policy that I cannot go out with customers,' you said politely. This lie better fucking work…

'Oh, come on,' the man said. One night, he thought, that's all I need to ravag-

'Lady?' Sihtric called out to you, 'do you have a moment?'

'Yes!' you rushed away from the old creep. Oh thank god, praise the lord. Wait, better grab that clipboard and hold it behind my back so the creep can't check out my ass…

'Do you need something?' you asked Sihtric.

'Not really,' he whispered, 'but, I couldn't help noticing…' Sihtric cocked his head slightly towards the old man.

Fucking hell, that's how obvious it is? This is so embarrassing…

'Yeah,' you said softly, 'he's been hitting on me for months,' you made a grossed out face, 'I keep telling him no but he keeps coming back.'

'Won't your boss do anything about that?'

'My boss?' you scoffed, 'he doesn't give a shit about the employees.' He only cares about money. He doesn't even care that the creep waits outside until closing time, following me home…

'Can I help you somehow?' Sihtric asked, concerned about the behaviour of the man and the way no one seemed to care.

Oh my god, he's so fucking cute… why can't this guy wait outside for me until closing time...

'No,' you smiled weakly, 'that's…that's really sweet, but there's nothing you can do, I'm afraid.' But you could hold me in those muscular arms…

'Okay,' Sihtric said, 'does he… does he stick around?' he carefully asked.

'Yeah, the creep figured out my shifts… his name is Aethelhelm, by the way, I guess calling "the creep" is a bit rude.'

'No worries,' Sihtric smiled, 'he looks like a creep.'

'He is,' you laughed softly and looked into Sihtric's eyes. Fuck… this guy is so beautiful. Wait, did his eyes just light up?

Sihtric quickly looked away and bit down on his lip.

'Anyway,' you cleared your throat, 'I… I should get back to work. Back to the creep,' you made a face, to which Sihtric smiled. 'But thanks for the distraction.'

'Anytime, lady,' Sihtric said and gave you a small nod. And he couldn't help checking out your ass when you walked back to your desk, and he bit down a smile when he heard your thoughts.

Yeah... I'd totally let him do me in the backroom…

**********************

'You finished that book already?' you asked about an hour later, when you saw Sihtric got up and was on his way to head out of the library. What kind of question is that, you dumbass. Well done being smooth…

'I guess,' you smiled. I hope so…

'No,' Sihtric smiled and shrugged. He had been glancing at you the whole time when you managed to focus on your work again, and his eyes kept trailing back to you.

'I just can't focus on the words anymore,' Sihtric continued, 'so that's my signal to go home. I'll see you around.'

*******************

'No, no, no,' you sighed when you saw Aethelhelm was waiting for you again as you closed the library. Maybe if I'm really fast he won't be able to catch up with me...

You quickly locked the door and almost sprinted around the corner, where you bumped into someone.

'I'm sorry!' you blurted out. Oh my god… oh no…oh no, I'm feeling myself blush!

'Oh, hey,' Sihtric smiled, 'are you okay? You look a little spooked.'

'Yeah, fine,' you lied and glanced back over your shoulder, 'just eager to get home.'

And get away from that fucking creep! Oh, no. No he's coming over. Oh for fuck sakes.

You looked back at Sihtric. I hope you will forgive me…

You grabbed Sihtric by his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. It took him a few seconds to adapt to the situation. He already knew you were hiding from Aethelhelm, but didn't quite expect this. Yet he wasn't complaining, and he kissed you back without hesitation.

Fuck he's a good kisser, you thought, and Sihtric smiled against your lips as he pulled you closer.

Oh my god, you moaned softly against his lips, oh my god, fuck, he's so hot. Wait, what is he doing, you felt Sihtric's hands slide down your lower back, onto your ass. Sihtric knew "the creep" would see it, and he also knew what you had been thinking about earlier that day, so he amusingly squeezed your ass, firmly.

Oh, fuck, those hands… oh dear lord, I will be thinking about him tonight…

You raked your fingers through his loose hair, kissing him as Sihtric pushed you back towards the library entrance while "the creep" had already turned and left, looking upset.

Wait… you thought as you were pushed up against the library door, his lips still pressed onto yours, what… what is he doing… the library is closed…

'You wish to be railed in the backroom, lady?' Sihtric grinned

Oh, sweet Jesus, it's like he can read my thoughts, yes, please...

******************

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#modern!sihtric #sihtric x reader #sihtric x you #the last kingdom fic #sihtric fic #sihtric kjartansson #the last kingdom #tlk #sihtric

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