#i didn't really want to do Something Extra Meaningful for my first go

[soullesscircuits]

Got my tattoo today!!! The artist was incredible and I'm told I did very well :]

Waiting for it to heal up a bit before I show yall but I'm absolutely in love ♡♡

Here's the artist's Instagram if you're interested in checking them out!

[redeemingvillains]

how mattheo would love you in every love language ♡

G I F T S

Mattheo wasn't proud of where his family money came from; in fact, most people didn't even know he was wealthy as he walked around in frayed robes and old hoodies.

But he l o v e d being able to spoil you.

It wasn't just about how expensive the gifts were...

...I mean some of it was (looking at you, diamond earrings for Christmas, the 16k gold 'M' around your neck, your new Louis Vuitton and the trip to Italy you took over fall break).

But the gifts that meant the most to you had nothing to do with what they cost: his favorite band t-shirt, worn and washed so many times it was heavenly soft, or the playlist he randomly texted you one day with every song that made him think of you.

Better yet were the smallest things that let you know you had been on his mind, like when he grabbed you extra dessert at dinner and brought it to you in the library while you were studying, or the flowers that showed up the morning of your big exam.

This boy lived to shower you every way he knew how.

W O R D S of affirmation

Mattheo is so cheeky and such a goofball, honestly.

He's quick with a joke, and his signature smirk, but he chooses his words very carefully around you and doesn't throw around empty compliments.

So, when he did speak up, you knew it was important.

You craaaveeed his praise and feedback, so when he picked you up for your first date and he didn't immediately say anything about your outfit, you were lowkey devastated.

But when you were walking hand in hand back to the castle after a perfect evening in Hogsmeade and he pulled you into his side and whispered "you are unbelievably gorgeous, I can't keep my eyes off of you" it was so much more sincere and meaningful.

(After that, you were his hook, line + sinker).

Not everything he'd say was about your looks. He would brag about you and gas you up to his friends, complimenting your intelligence, your kindness, your hard work.

"You know YN could have been a model? Yeah, they asked her and she said she wanted to focus on her studies, fucking brains and beauty that one."

And trust this carried over into the bedroom, the one place he went absolutely overboard, whispering every single thing you wanted to hear, knowing how crazy it drove you.

Quality T I M E

Something that was different with Mattheo right from the start is that you were always a priority to him.

Boys asked to hang out when you two already had plans? Too bad.

In big ways and little ways it was like he created moments to spend time together.

He'd go out of his way to walk you to every class, even though it made him late for all of his.

"And miss the chance to show off my girl to the whole school? Pass."

The way he'd lay on your bed as you did your nighttime skincare routine, or join you in the library to study.

(Well, you studied potions and he studied you).

He had a permanent seat next to you at every meal.

He'd only had to shove Pansy, then Draco, then Theo aside so many times before they got the hint, all shifting automatically when he came to join you now.

He would look for literally any excuse to be near you, to be in your orbit.

Acts of S E R V I C E

The way this boy would do literally anything for you. A n y t h i n g.

On anyone else, it would look foolish the way he ran after you like a schoolboy, but he cherished you like his queen.

Putting his jacket over puddles so you didn't have to step on them.

Rushing ahead of you to open every door.

Kneeling down to tie your shoe.

One fifth year once had the audacity to say something about it.

The next day he had a black eye.

Date nights? Organized, sorted, planned.

You basically never had to lift a finger again, you wanted for nothing.

He'd carry your books, really carry anything for you (your bag, your jacket, your wand, your water bottle).

And when he couldn't be there to walk you to class or carry your books, trust there were two Slytherin first years waiting for you to do it for him.

You were Riddle's Princess after all, and everyone knew it

Physical T O U C H

His hands. On you. All. The. Time.

Rubbing your thigh, his fingers tangling in yours or twirling your hair. A hand at your back in the hallways or grasping you firmly to him in larger crowds.

King of Casual Dominance™️

Why would you sit in a chair when his lap is open and waiting for you?

His head on your lap whenever possible so you could run your fingers through his chestnut curls.

And, conversely, not knowing what the fuck to do with his hands when you weren't around; his leg would bounce anxiously, his hands would fidget, messing with his tie, tapping on his desk, fiddling and twitching to feel your soft skin.

Oh and the way this boy kissed you...

In the morning. In the evening. On the stairs. In bed. Before Quidditch practice. In the middle of breakfast. During class. He did not give a single fuck who was around or what the circumstances were.

You're literally standing outside of transfiguration, two feet in front of McGonagall and his lips are warm and running over yours like he's going off to war. "That's enough Mr. Riddle!" her shrill voice would ring out.

(He'd ignore her).

And you'd slip past her a full minute later with rosy cheeks, trying to right your lipgloss, a shy smile on your face as you avoided eye contact with her.

taglist: @kenjikishimotoswifey, @mattiesgf, @sleepiibunniiii, @darlingshecried, @girllblogging777, @foivetimesacharm, @clar2aa, @broadwaybaby123, @slytherinscreamqueen

[phantomarine]

Hey what were you trying to say in your “it gets good at page 1001” post

Was it more of a comment directed at yourself ( self degradation), is it satire about perfectionism,

Is it supposed to be inspirational for Beginners webcomic creators, or we’re you just in a bad mood?

More of a warning against self-sabotage, because I see it so much. Sometimes it's tied to perfectionism, sometimes it's the opposite - people surrendering to imperfection when they don't really have to.

Creator chat incoming. I'll put it under the deelybob for anyone who wants to read it 👇

I've been in the webcomic sphere for several years now and I've seen so many people introduce their comic with 'I know it's very long and not easy to read, and I won't be going back and changing anything about what I've already made - but please critique it so I can make the rest of the pages better and attract a bigger audience from now on.'

And that's a hard thing to respond to. If a reader can't get through all those existing pages without being confused or bored, then how can they get to the good stuff that lies past them?

So much of gaining an audience is about actively making it easy to 'fall into' a work. Without that easy entry point, it's always going to be an uphill battle to build an audience, no matter how good the later chapters get. There are outliers, but most webcomics won't be those outliers, especially with thousands of them available nowadays. Some people love the grind, but most people will jump to a new tab and try to find something less frustrating.

And webcomic creation is particularly cursed by its very nature. Creators are hesitant to go back and edit pages, even once they've figured out more details about their craft or story structure. It's mostly because of the seeming permanence of it all - the art takes ages and the words feel unchangeable if even one other person has read them. To go back and edit is to publicly admit your failings, right? That's how it feels. What do you MEAN you didn't get it right the first time? You were supposed to do it live, and do it PERFECTLY!

But ideally it shouldn't be any different than prose writing, which is ALL ABOUT finding the story in those edits. And because your story is digital, you can go back and change things whenever you feel like it. A webcomic is fluid.

And if you're thinking 'I should just redraw my whole first chapter' - NO! Hell no, old art can be a part of the appeal! It's far more about finding little tricks to convey your story/characters more clearly. I have read some first chapters with janky art that made me fall completely in love with the story and cast. It's not about the art - as with all things comic-related, it's about conveyance.

Examples I've seen and some I've used myself: A single extra page with a meaningful interaction can solidify the theme of a character's arc. One additional 5-to-10-page scene can help add visual context for an offscreen event where there was none before. Adding a map can tell people where the characters currently are. Changing a character design can help if they get often confused with another character. Redoing your lettering to make it more legible is a huge one too.

In the end, I just don't want people to be afraid of small edits. When I got feedback about the bad clarity of my own work, I knew it would take some time to fix those problems. It wasn't fun to think about or to do, but I'm glad I did it in the end - because it would have limited my audience tremendously. With just a bit of extra effort, I opened a door that wasn't there before, and it now leads more people even more easily to 'the good stuff.'

tl;dr You started your webcomic for a reason, and you're learning more things about its characters, story, and craft every day. Don't be afraid to go back to old pages and inject some of that wisdom through editing. Even a little can go a long way.

***Caveat: If your goal is to just create chaotically, with no goal of gaining an audience, you are a wild and free little thing, and I am in awe of you. This whole rant doesn't apply to you, and you are stronger than me.

[notmorbid]

yellowjackets, season 1 [pt. 1].

dialogue prompts from the first season of showtime's yellowjackets.

i still get chills just thinking about it.

i'm going to talk to you like an adult. is that okay with you?

i don't talk to reporters. but i'm guessing you already know that.

shouldn't we say a prayer first?

remember, anger can be good.

this already does not feel like a meaningful conversation.

just admit you did it on purpose.

you're the best friend i've ever had.

it's a good luck charm. now nothing can touch you.

i took the red cross babysitter training class. twice.

does that usually work for you?

you are so mad and yet so wrong.

i take it you know why i'm here.

i have a lot of theories, but do you want to go first?

talk about someone who didn't want to be found.

i come bearing gifts. you're welcome.

are you making fun of me?

for the record, i was trying to save you.

look at me and tell me what you mean.

i guess i didn't make much of an impression.

you're not out of the woods yet.

what about you? any secrets big enough to crash a goddamn plane?

dying is nothing to be afraid of.

we think we know what we're doing, but really, we have no clue.

if you want me busting kneecaps, it's gonna cost extra.

you should've brought your rifle.

are you sure this is a good idea? what if the neighbors see?

you can learn so much about a person by going through their personal refuse.

you're not that much of a bitch.

i didn't come here to fight crime.

home? yeah, what's that?

you two are the worst for each other.

it's so easy for you to judge others with your perfect life, right?

what's the point in having connections if you can't use them?

you're beautiful when you're honest.

do you know how weird you are?

uncomfortable silences make me uncomfortable.

i don't know about you, but i'm really scared.

i just need my best friend right now.

the worst is behind us, okay?

i know you're not asleep.

i'm different from what people expect, and it scares them.

the police are coming. we have to go. do you understand?

i think bad things happened here.

you said you wanted to make up for your misspent youth.

i know when you look at me, you don't see someone you should be afraid of.

if i win, you have to tell me something personal about yourself.

r.i.p., sorry. it was worth it.

i'm like a well you whisper your secrets into.

i've heard the official story.

you had to know i was like, totally in love with you. right?

it doesn't matter how shitty they are. it still fucks you up when they're gone.

i think the ghost decided it was time to get some sleep.

you've never been good at being anything other than yourself. it's your superpower.

i don't know how much longer i can keep doing this.

you taught me how to be like this, you know.

you make people feel like things are gonna be okay just by showing up.

if we can laugh at all this, maybe it'll help us feel better.

you know, you never get the time back. none of us will.

are you seriously doing magic right now?

when did you fall out of love with ____?

you're so not fine. do you think i can't see that?

you poisoned me. why?

have you ever heard of mutually ensured destruction?

i was just going to keep you company, if that's okay.

you won't tell anyone, will you?

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Ep 26 Commentary

Alrightyy I've mustered up what's left of my brain for a belated ep 26 commentary post. IRL responsibilities are getting a bit away from me so I wasn't able to spend as much time on this as usual; apologies if the haste shows through! Consider this more reaction than meta.

As always, spoilers under the cut:

A carry-over comment, but I really do appreciate the Li Lun/ZYC scene in ep 25 for how it solidified ZYC's resolve and reminded him of where his heart is, what he believes in, what he chooses to defend. Such a load-bearing and pivotal conversation for both characters in opposite directions of development. It also makes ZYC's return to the Bureau triumphant in a way, despite all the preceding trauma, despair, and hopelessness. WX embraces him in relief that he's safe and in comfort for what they've all just been through, and for us, it's doubly meaningful as a sort of homecoming after a confrontation that only we have witnessed. It's also interesting, the cutaway as they hug, the things we have been made privy to and the things that are kept private from us.

Ouuughh the lines voiced over as ZYZ and ZYC meet eyes for the first time since all that transpired in Tianxiang Pavilion. It gives such a deep sense of wordless understanding and intimacy. I'm reminded of when the show did that for Ranyi and Miss Qi's final lines.

As I mentioned previously, a lot of subtext became text in this episode, which was quite exciting (and also extremely adorable the way ZYC was like "I think I've said too much" /// afterwards). I didn't expect ZYC to convey his understanding of ZYZ to him so soon, but that really goes back to something I love about ZYC: that he doesn't really waste time expressing something once he's come to an emotional conclusion. Maybe there's something to be said there about how he knows, after the loss of his family, how important it is to say the words when you have them to the people in front of you while they're still here.

If ZYC's words and his tears offered to a catatonic ZYZ in ep 23 were an expression of star-crossed and conflicted love, this parallel scene is just an utterly unrestrained confession, the stars be damned.

Also, tbh I never found ZYC's reactions to ZYZ to be unfounded or unreasonable, even when misguided in the beginning (and necessarily so, given the narrative and premise) or at times harsh (which I also found much-needed for ZYZ to hear, and delivered with obvious sympathetic anguish). He was clearly reflecting and actively revising his own preconceived notions this entire time, feeling for ZYZ the whole way through, and I do think he's demonstrated realistically and impressively the full extent of empathy perhaps as far as it can possibly stretch without personally experiencing ZYZ's life himself and while still living and feeling for his own. But to see ZYC so ready to address his previous flaws, to admit them and correct them, to go beyond them and to reach out so plainly for ZYZ in front of him now that he has that personal experience—the relationship between them has transcended the initial set-up of two opposing characters meeting in the middle. The show has gone that extra step and made their perspectives one. And given that I didn't personally find that step to be narratively necessary, so to say, (as in, even without it there's not truly a narrative obstacle because I already believed ZYC loves ZYZ despite everything and we've already seen the lengths he'll go to not to kill ZYZ), it feels like a choice in every definition of the word. Like a development motivated by love all the way down.

WX gets the least traumatic cloak-draping scenes out of the three of them, thank god.

Oh shit I forgot about fixing the Wilderness I'm so glad they didn't lmao.

Ahhh the crossroads moment at a literal (kind of) crossroads right before entering the Bingyi Clan's forbidden area. ZYC suddenly wanting to go alone or back out, stuck weighing the danger to everyone's lives, who they can and can't save depending on his choices. It makes me think of what happens when we let intense love in and it comes with intense fear, makes us freeze up. Suddenly, the stakes are in sharp relief, and the courage to move forward isn't so simple anymore.

"修好了，你也別死" ("Once it's fixed, don't die either.") Head in hands. ZYC's voice here, his expression, that desperation. Yeah I think this episode was so draining because of how all pretense is being stripped away and all that's left is ZYC's profound love for everyone, so raw and vulnerable that it hurts to watch, especially knowing he won't have it easy trying to keep everyone alive.

Kind of love how freely ZYC cries and says the vulnerable things in front of all his loved ones. Like. That's truly his family, his people, his heart.

ZYZ please. Imagine ZYC's grief without you. Please just stay.

Yay 12 seconds of angst-free bickering right before (as someone else called it) the trolley problem

Ok so, I'm not sure how common this interpretation/reading of the following scene is, but it's been rattling around in my head for a while now so I'm just gonna include it here. If y'all disagree, pls disregard! Basically, when ZYC first turned to PSJ and thanked her, I was terrified for a moment that he would ask her to stay. Because on one hand, ZYC would never, but on the other hand, imo there's a lot of (I think deliberate) ambiguity baked into the scene. In ZYC turning to PSJ right after we're told "one of your friends or all three of them," in him starting the series of goodbyes with the character he has the least onscreen development with, in the finality of what he says to her but also the lack of clarity on just who this is final for, in PSJ's expression and WX's reaction, in the dramatic turning away at the end. Like, until he turns away from her, I think there's room for interpretation on what he's decided to do, and as someone who's grown quite surprisingly invested in the ZYC-PSJ dynamic, I'm kind of morbidly interested in this reading of events.

What might be going through PSJ's head at ZYC's words, if at this moment she hasn't yet realized his self-sacrificial intent? Does she think she's going to be asked to stay? Does she assess the situation, conclude that she's the person ZYC is least close to and perhaps the one least able to contribute in whatever comes next as the only human here, and begin resigning herself to this outcome? Are the tears in her eyes the sole indication of her conflicted unwillingness to die here that makes it through because as he's talking, she's evaluated that this is the best possible scenario for them all (esp for WX) and will commit herself to his decision even if it also breaks her heart to be chosen this way?

I may be taking this and running a bit far with it, but I just think the ambiguity of this one brief moment can create such angsty implications between the lines (as if we needed more angst...) and despite their scarce onscreen interactions, I'm kind of a sucker for the "extremely noble (to the point of tragedy) knight choosing to acknowledge and follow and dedicate their silent loyalty to a leader they deeply respect" dynamic, even if it is understated with all the other relationships going on in this show. Given how reticent PSJ is, it makes a meaningful impact on me every time she displays concern for ZYC, so you know it crushed me to watch her desperately and irrationally (the most pragmatic of them all!) try to shoot at him with her arrows while knowing there's no way it'd work. The way she was the first to act, the sound of nothing but the ice and the stretch of the bowstring. I really do love their platonic bond much more than I expected to.

Oof. The freezing. I don't want to sound like a broken record but I loved TJR's acting here because I think it's so easy for this scene to look awkward as he's stuck facing forward and pretending to freeze haha. His microexpressions as he realizes ZYZ is behind him, as he tries to chase him away with his words, as he's probably burning from the inside out with all that ice. That last tear as his gaze turns hollow. A+

I also love ZYZ's lines about not believing he can't overcome ZYC's powers like yeah this is a newborn demon with no inner core and ice powers that he taught him lmao

Okay, that's a wrap for my thoughts on this ep! I was originally going to include ep 27 reactions here too, but seeing as this is getting a little long, maybe I'll roll 27 into my thoughts on ep 28? We shall see!

[onestormeynight]

Confession

Sam used some of the money he'd saved from selling Special K and bought a veterinary station. He made most of the treats sold at the Brindleton Bay clinic these days. His internship was going well, there was just one problem; he always had a runny nose because of his extra curriculars. The vets worried he had a perpetual cold.

Sam wasn't sure he could quit cold turkey alone. Dylan was a good friend and would support his decision, but that didn't make him a good influence. He was still a party boy with a sharing spirit. Billie would be supportive, but as they were still a secret, there was only so much she could do from afar.

He wanted to tell his dad.

Ricky was in his bedroom congratulating his daughter on raising her grades. Their hard work had finally paid off and the success was changing something in Ellie.

"I told you you could do it," Ricky said. "Good job, Ellie, I'm so proud."

"Thank you, Dad!" She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think maybe marrying rich should be the ultimate goal still, but maybe I'd be okay with a job, too."

"Earning things for yourself is incredibly fulfilling."

Sam knocked on the door to Ricky's bedroom before opening it slowly. "Hey Dad, Ellie."

"Sam, I got a B on my biology final!"

Sam grinned. "Congrats, El. That's great." He looked at Ricky and swallowed. "Hey, Dad, do you think we could go to Bhoarders today? There's something I want to talk to you about."

"What was it you wanted to talk about, son?" Ricky asked after they settled in at the bookstore. "And why a bookstore?"

Sam shuffled uncomfortably. "One, so you can't yell if you were inclined to. Two, I have great memories with you here. It's like, our spot. We have meaningful conversations here."

Ricky took a deep breath. "Okay. Well. Talk then."

"I...I have a problem. With drugs."

Ricky inhaled sharply, his eyes widening. Sam's heart raced in his chest.

"I have had one for awhile now. I started doing K in high school. Right when Mom started really favoring Ellie in front of my face. I just...I needed something to get through the days. It took the edge off at first and then....I don't know, Dad, at some point it took over my life. I sell it. I do it. Hell, I got my girlfriend to start doing it. But I want to stop."

Ricky nodded, biting his tongue. Of course it was Lily. It was always Lily.

"What do you need from me?" Ricky asked.

Sam looked at him with mistrust. "You're not mad?"

"Mad isn't the word I'd pick, son. Disappointed. Distressed. Sad. Guilty. But mad? No. Not at you, anyways. I just want to help you."

Sam put his head on his father's shoulder and wept silently for a moment. Ricky put his arm around his son and comforted him the best he could.

"I'm so sorry, Dad," Sam sniffled. "You said you were proud of me and I've ruined it all."

"I'm still proud of you, Sam. You're kind. You're loving. You're forgiving. You have empathy, in a world where empathy in men is seen as a weakness. You're brave, proven by this admission of a need for a help."

"When I get clean," Sam finally choked out. "I want to open a vet clinic in Oasis Springs."

Ricky nodded. "I bet we could. You overcome this, and I'll invest in that for you. I love you, kiddo."

"I love you, too, Dad."

"So, who's the girlfriend?"

((prev)) ((next))

[travalerray]

Chengxian for the ask game?

thanks for the ask!

Well you know. This goes without saying.

What made you ship it?

Since I started with the donghua, I would say the hyperspecific scene in the Xuanwu Cave right after Wei Wuxian has gotten branded and everyone's going "fuuuuck", and Chengxian exchange a very meaningful look and Wei Wuxian says, "I have gotten hurt in Lotus Pier before too. When have I not swim the fastest?". The way they looked at each other altered my brain chemicals <3. (Also yes, lmao, the donghua is very funny because it decides to make Jiang Cheng this mega softie in the first flashback and even adds this extra dialogue during the Waterborne Abyss where they are fighting the water ghouls where he tells Wei Wuxian "we have got it" when in the novel Wei Wuxian's narration is like "as usual, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were competing". Heartbreaking how they completely dropped the ball after the XiYao conversation in S2 E1). The one that did solidify my stance is the famous choking-crying scene because......yeah, I won't say it. It is always heart breaking to see children lashing out in the moments of grief, especially this one that highlights how they deal with it—Jiang Cheng angry and lashing out, Wei Wuxian putting a hand over his eyes, both not wanting to show that they are crying, the rain starting—the cinematography is beautiful.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

*gestures* Everything.

It's about the grouchy "why do you have to always play a hero (for the others, just be mine)" as an act of love, it's about walking away as an act of protection (duty is the death of love, honour is the death of love), it's about the mourning for thirteen years, it's about missing your home no matter where you go, no matter who you are with (because it can never be enough—it's always a convenient excuse), it's about acts of self sacrifice as a love language, it's about the "raging ecstasy" and "vengeful wrath" when faced with your childhood "sweetheart", it's about broken promises, it's about childhood dreams and always wanting to stay together and failing always. But most importantly, it's about a lot of yearning disguised as angry barking (Jiang Cheng) and joking around (Wei Wuxian).

It's also about how no matter what Wei Wuxian is narrating, Jiang Cheng filters into his thoughts. Oh, the kids are flying a kite? Jiang Cheng is there. Wei Wuxian is eating? Jiang Cheng is there. The reverse is true too—they are too intimately connected and impossible to be separated.

Above all, it's about Jiang Cheng bringing Chenqing to the Guanyin Temple in perfect condition and throwing it to Wei Wuxian. Above all, it's about Jin Ling being threatened and in that brief moment of confusion, they start yelling at each other, using "the same voice they used as children".

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I don't think I know enough about the popular opinions to say? Considering the popular opinion people have going on half the time involves arguing on how much Jiang Cheng's actions were justified (what did he do. He didn't do a single thing until Jin Zixuan died and we see him at the Pledge Rally and he doesn't even get REALLY upset until Jiang Yanli dies. Is the problem with the fake duel??? Which is admittedly something you would only see these two come up with, because yes, the only way to avoid a problem is to publicly fall out with your martial brother. But I have never seen anyone express a problem with this detective novel levels of drama, so maybe it's the first siege???) but I don't think most of the shippers have a problem with that? But if this question means unpopular opinion in general, well—Chengxian is an unpopular opinion in general, I think. But otherwise, I will leave this line here:

[there's so much he could be talking about here. Come back Wei Wuxian. Why is it so purposeful. Hello. "I don't want to"? Wei Wuxian????]

[anneapocalypse]

So. About Minfilia.

This one really got to me.

I don't think I've cried over a character death in this game like this since Haurchefant--both of whom, incidentally, I knew going in were going to die at some point, because I'd encountered spoilers well before I ever imagined I would play this game. (Having Ariane fall for both of them in turn was not the plan, it just happened along the way and felt right for her character, and the extra tragedy it ended up adding was a side effect but one that's become lode-bearing for her story in a lot of ways.)

So I'll say to start that given what the writers had to work with going into Shadowbringers, I think Minfilia's story ends about as well as it could have. The variant flow of time in the First, and specifically the fact that a century has passed there since she arrived, is vital to Shadowbringers' story. Minfilia was never meant to be an immortal being, nor did she want to be. And while there's probably an interesting AU in her becoming mortal again and returning home (and I could see myself writing something like that), that's a very involved concept that wouldn't have worked well with the story Shadowbringers was telling. So, her fate was sealed when she departed for the First. Furthermore the way she goes out is really thematically in line with the Scions as a whole, from Louisoix to Moenbryda to Papalymo: one person giving their life to contain an existential threat--not even to destroy it completely, but to slow the tide so that others can carry on the fight. And Minfilia even takes it a step further, managing to stick around in some form long enough for the other Scions to make it to the First. The Warrior of Light even gets to see her one last time, so her promise to return to them when her work was done--it wasn't an empty one. We get to say goodbye.

I'm okay with this. It's a decent end to her story, given where we started from this expansion.

That doesn't make me especially okay with how we got here, though.

I am still a sprout here, having just started playing last year and being mid-Shadowbringers for the first time now. I was not around when ARR was new, and cannot speak to the fan reception of Minfilia at the time. I have heard through my grapevine, however, that she was not well-liked. Whether because she was a non-combat character, a quest-giver in an annoying location, a woman who told people to do stuff while wearing a mildly revealing outfit (and I do mean mildly)... Idk what the dealbreaker was. That's just what I've heard. Having heard that, though, it makes the choice to write her out at the end of ARR feel... motivated, in a way that maybe it otherwise wouldn't.

There is nothing meaningfully wrong with Minfilia's character in ARR that couldn't be said about any of the core Scions.

Wahhh I don't want to return to the Waking Sands for the 80th time? Fair, but that's a game design issue getting taken out on a character who happens to be connected to it. Call it the Preston Garvey Problem. Her outfit is silly? It's hardly meaningfully sillier than other NPC outfit designs, or Final Fantasy fashion generally. Go tell it to the catgirls in the 2b tights by the aetheryte. She doesn't even fight? Honestly kind of refreshing to me to see non-combat characters play a major role in the story, because fighting isn't the only thing that drives stories! (Hey, didn't Tataru have a whole subplot about that?)

She's underdeveloped? Name me a character who gets great character development in ARR. (There is a correct answer to this question. It's Cid Garlond. 😛) But the Scions? A handful of them feel like very well-rounded characters now because they've had whole expansions that explored them as people and deepened their relationship to the setting and story in meaningful ways--Lyse, Alphinaud, Alisaie, Urianger, Y'shtola, Thancred. But none of them are well-rounded in ARR. ARR is not about character development. It's basically a very long tutorial level that gets you acquainted with the world, its major conflicts, and the major players in those conflicts. The character-driven storytelling really starts with Heavensward. If we truncated all the Scions' stories at the end of ARR, I don't think the others are any deeper than Minfilia.

I liked Minfilia right off because she was kind and caring, and she had an obvious talent for bringing people together, probably in a similar way to Louisoix himself. Hence her becoming the Antecedent and continuing to do diplomatic work across three nations. Did she make mistakes? Yeah, absolutely. Lest anyone is tempted to single her out in the Crystal Braves disaster, though, I will point to what I said in my post about how the Scions failed Alphinaud: every adult in the room should have seen the red flags about that, and not one of them did, including Urianger who is extremely protective of the twins, and Thancred who is extremely protective of Minfilia. And yes, she was in charge, and she does bear a greater share of the responsibility. But whatever you think of that plot point, whether it's leaning a little too heavily on Rule of Stupid or whether believable for a group of idealistic apocalypse survivors with martyr complexes, it's written as something that all the Scions failed to foresee. And for the others, especially for Alphinaud, that mistake and subsequent disaster is used as an opportunity for character growth. Alphinaud has to confront his own arrogance, which drives his character growth as he continues to play a major role in every expansion. Yda/Lyse and Papalymo get themselves involved with the Ala Mhigan resistance, providing the setup for Stormblood and a tremendous amount of character development for Lyse. Y'shtola in desperation turns to darker and more dangerous forms of magic, setting us up for her transformation into a black mage in Shadowbringers where will continue to see her turn to dangerous magics at desperate times. Thancred's wilderness survival journey precedes us getting to see a darker and lonelier side of him. And so forth.

Minfilia throws herself on Hydaelyn's mercy, and gets tempered. I mean, carried unto her bosom, granting her a strength long sought. Because of course we're meant to take it as a given that she was weak before. She was the leader of an international organization who did diplomatic work across three nations, but she couldn't throw fireballs or hit people good with a stick, so. She loses her very will for a while there, until Hydaelyn mercifully decides she's strong enough to give it back to her.

And now, no one talks about the work she did as the Antecedent, or with the Path of the Twelve before that. It's all about her noble sacrifice, how she gave up her whole life to save the First. And she was noble, and generous, and a hero. But she was a person before that, and she could have been more. She could have been a character with a real arc, who got to struggle and learn from her mistakes and grow with us, as the others have.

Minfilia didn't get that. She got to be a sacrificial vessel for the salvation of others, over and over again until there was none of her left. And we never have to reckon with her feeling scared or uncertain or angry about this, because she is always the willing sacrifice, always noble and generous and a hero. Shadowbringers spends far more time on Thancred's feelings about Minfilia than on Minfilia's feelings about her own fate. And I do like Thancred, so please don't read this as me hating on him; I even liked getting more of their history onscreen, at first. But at a certain point I just wanted to shake him and say, You are not the only one who loved her! And your feelings about her are not the only thing that matters here!

I love characters who are deeply and deliberately kind, especially when they have a history that gives them plenty of reasons to be otherwise. I love characters with a passion and drive to make their world better, even when that comes at great cost. It's why I love Julie Farkas, and Vanessa Kimball. But I also like to see how they reckon with the cost, how they struggle with the burden of that kindness. I love it when Kimball loses her temper, when she isn't patient and virtuous all the time. We do finally get some of that with Ryne. But not for the original Minfilia. She goes gently into that good night with gentle words and a gentle smile. And yes, after a hundred years, she has earned a rest.

But having loved her gentle soul from the beginning, I am mourning what she could have been, if she had ever been allowed to be anything else.

[alloveydovey]

Ok, random thoughts on dramas I finished watching this month (some of which I've been dragging out since July).

Meet Yourself (cdrama) 10 ⭐️

It's the first cdrama I've seen that I felt was well-acted and felt genuine. Perhaps because the ML has a personality and isn't simply some stone-cold dude and the FL (who I was obsessed with) is mature and insightful.

It’s very light and yet deeply meaningful. Yes, it could be a little draggy at times (could have been shorter), but I can't really complain because I didn't want it to end. You really find yourself falling in love with the entire town, as well as most secondary characters.

A Time Called You (kdrama) 8

It was really emotional, but I lost interest in episode 9 and wanted it to end. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t fully understand what was going on or because, although I like time travel plots, this one was just too twisty for me to get.

King The Land (kdrama) 8/8.5?

People complaining because it had no plot— what do you mean? The plot was ✨love✨

I mean yeah, I get it, though, because I started it in August and finished it in October (I got low-key bored on episode 11). The .5 is only because Yoona and Jun Ho’s chemistry was insanely good, like the kind of chemistry where you feel like you're intruding on them or something.

My Lovely Liar (kdrama) 7.5

This one was all over my fyp on tiktok, and I'm not sure why everyone was so into it.

I initially started to watch it because of Kim So Hyun. The first eight episodes were okay. I wasn't particularly intrigued by the mystery of who the killer of the ML’s girlfriend was, but it was enough to keep me going. But, later on, I just wasn't into it at aaall. The ML and FL were cute, but i didn’t feel any spark between them :\

Here We Meet Again (cdrama) 8

Another cdrama with good acting 🙌🏽 lol I swear I’m not bashing Chinese dramas, it's just I watched some questionable ones. I wasn’t that much into the whole work thing but, let's be honest, I only saw this one because FL and ML were the cutest and had an insane chemistry.

Why I Dress Up for Love (jdrama) 9

Workaholic social media girl moves into a house with four roommates and ends up having a situationship with one of them.

This is my fourth jdrama (Only Just Married, The Fallen High School Girl and The Crippled Teacher, and A Girl and Three Sweethearts), and it is without a doubt the best one and most likely a future all-time favourite. The obstacles the characters experienced were not too deep, but enough to soften you, and the chemistry was excellent. It was simple, natural and cute. An overall feel good 👌🏽

Destined With You (kdrama) 8.5/9 still not sure lol

Okay, I’ll be honest, this probably doesn’t deserve a 9. That whole extra point is for Rowoon's face and Bo Ah's cuteness.

I feel like the writers of this one got down and began pulling out pieces of paper from a bag full of common clichés that are currently used in dramas. Past lives lovers? Check. Sort of enemies to lovers? Check. Rich ML x Poor orphan FL? Check (although a little twist with the mom being the cutest mother ever) Mean ex girlfriend who can’t get over ML? Check. A culprit dressed all in black who is after the FL? Check. I don’t know what else but I’m sure there’s more… and it should have been boring but somehow they made it work?!?! And I was so into it?!? The comedy was comeding, the chemistry was chemistring, the Samsung phones were samsunging (?), Subway was there, music was banging? Magic was entertaining, even the angsty moments were hitting.

Like yeah, I don’t know. Maybe it was Rowoon and his perfect face or maybe this was a really entertaining and romantic watch. Anyway, a 9.

[theofficialpresidentofmars]

I think the reason why I tend to like more controversial film Shakespearean adaptations (eg Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet, Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet) is to me, keeping the complete integrity of the play whole and intact is just slightly less important than seeing the story get to be told in new and exciting ways? Like don't get me wrong, I very much appreciate the integrity of a play and might be using the wrong word entirely but I don't care if not every single detail is the exact same and if some of the deep implications are lost in favour of things that look cool.

I guess my view comes from the fact that Shakespeare is so hard to get into for a number of reasons: the excruciating language barrier especially for first time readers, the fact that the plays are all like 400 years old, and the way that everybody seems so pretentious about his works all the time that it's hard to connect to them in any meaningful way when people are just going to tell you you're not reading it right. It put me off for a good many years to the point where I held contempt for the playwright and every English teacher who'd made me study his works because it all felt so stupid and uptight and so much fuss about nothing (much ado about nothing, you might say) and I'd been taken to see live plays of his multiple times and every time my parents had been like 'oh it's a cultural experience! it's high art!' and it confused me and frustrated me and just didn't resonate with me at all. and quite potentially the ONLY reason I got into his works at all was three straight years studying his plays in, Hamlet came up on my radar as the play we'd have to perform a scene from for a Drama assessment. And he was Danish, and I'm Danish, and I thought 'yknow maybe I'll give this one a shot for cultural heritage purposes or whatever' and so I put in extra work to understand the play and realised it kind of hit hard. And then, after all these years of reading plays and watching them without a clue what was going on, it was getting the chance to perform a scene from a play that I understood with the instruction to make of it what we wanted it to be, I finally got it. I realised why this name had been one to go down in history.

But I can't get over how absolutely hard it was to get here, and how close I was to never being here at all despite my close proximity at many occasions of my life. And it's because people treat Shakespeare's works like 'high art' which they are, but they also take it to mean untouchable. And okay, maybe if it was the Mona Lisa or something. But this is theatre! This is the most adaptational, most personal, most intimate art form! And it's not only art where the value lies in viewing it, but there's value in being the ones to perform as well! And treating it like some godly, better-than-thou, scripture from the heavens makes it unrelatable and unapproachable. When the whole reason these stories have lasted for four hundred years is because they're relatable!

But sometimes three-four hour plays are hard to resonate with, especially the Shakesperean worded ones, whether that be read or viewed. Mostly for newcomers. And often, that can be where film comes in. And here's where I should add, a large amount of people don't watch Shakespeare with the intent of acting like they know everything about it. Having an adaptation that doesn't fully do the original justice should be okay, because at the end of the day it's more important that the stories are being told and adapted to draw in a modern audience (who then if interested can go and properly sink their teeth in) than kept in a glass case to be seen but not felt.

I hope people make really shitty film adaptations of Shakespeare. I hope people make film adaptations that do something daring and original that wasn't in the play. I hope people make adaptations that go offscipt entirely, I hope they make adaptations that don't quite make sense but they're going for more of a vibe than anything. I hope they make adaptations that are campy and ridiculous and I hope they make adaptations that really suit the original plays and capture all of their themes that make every scholar's heart ascend with happiness.

I hope people make many, many adaptations of Shakespeare's works, each with a bit of their own creativity and soul handcrafted into them. I hope these stories keep being adapted again and again and that every adaptation, whether it resonates with a large audience or not, really resonates with someone. I hope people have self-indulgent fun adapting his works. I hope that no one ever feels afraid to put something out into the world just because it might be awful.

I should also add, if you happen to dislike any of the adaptations I mentioned for valid reasons that's totally fine and I understand why you might lol. But in an ideal world, Hamlet has like a hundred different modern versions and I actually hate like half of them but it's okay because the fact that so many were made means that one also got made that's so good and so perfect for me that it keeps me up at night. I currently do have takes on the play that I absolutely despise anyway (Freud when I get my hands on you) but I recognise that there's merit in them existing and people finding meaning in them (even if they're WRONG according to me). I also understand the potential frustration in people who haven't studied the play coming into academic spaces and acting as if they have full authority because they've seen one adaptation. I just hope you sort of get the point I'm trying to make because we're probably not on opposite sides and I have a fear of misarticulating myself on the internet LOL

anyway the Hamlet scene I ended up doing for my Drama assessment was the latter half of Act 5 Scene 2 and our group's take on it were that Hamlet and Laertes were bitter exes lmao

[raspberry-gloaming]

I love all the hints and tricks and is it meaningful? or a mix up, contradiction, a tiny mistake that only the plotters and theorists might notice atm in doctor who and twist in their own minds into something more. Or have they got the right idea?

Because this is the kinda thing, hints and red herrings and lines that I'd love to do myself, with my own dw companion oc if it was her season. For context, my oc is a zygon, one of the 20 million zygons settled on earth following The Day of The Doctor. I have more stuff about her and all the hints I would put in her tags on my blog.

So say she mentions one time wanting to go and visit other places, like on earth. And mentions that the places she wanted to go seemed a faff, as all the places she wanted to go needed visas.

And then one or two episodes later she mentions that she always fancied going to say... Barbados or somewhere. Some country or location that is a common enough international holiday destination for Brits, one that a UK citizen would definitely not need a visa for.

The two episodes would be written by different writers - it's very easy to suggest that the writer of the second episode didn't know about the first's line - it was just a throwaway line, after all.

But really... with all the complicated things about alien refugees and zygons being settled and governments and unit and such having to set up programs and identities and fake whatevers, plus wanting to keep an eye on where every settled individual was legal wise, would imagine that travelling internationally would be a bit more complicated for a zygon than a human, even if noone around them knows of their need for extra visas and paperwork and questioning when going abroad.

[symphonic-scream]

Sorry that I slipped back into Genshin brainrot but I finally finished the Fontaine Archon Quest (I know. I just didn't feel like doing it for a while) and Arlecchino's Story Quest and. God

For context, I've been playing Genshin off and on since 1.0, literally the beginning. I have all my areas at 100%, and I even do those world quests that are unvoiced and way too long

And. Let me just say, Fontaine is now my favourite nation. For so long it's been Liyue, and as someone who really hates the French (Canadian, I'm Canadian), man. Fontaine fucking rocks

Long post ahead.

Sumeru's Archon Quest was, tedious. I didn't connect to it at all so it was not exactly a chore, but if given the chance, I wouldn't replay it. The region was torture before the layered map existed. I kept getting lost. The skin tone thing is an entire other issue as well, but. This nation loses a lot of points for the racist genie bottle fuck that quest

Inazuma was almost too much for me, in a way. I wasn't a fan of the locked progression, and the enemies and puzzles were frustrating. This nation brought in needing commissions to get all the quests too, which I STILL HAVENT GOTTEN ITS BEEN TWO YEARS GOURMET SUPREMOS FUCK YOU. I did like the touch that while you were wanted, if a guard saw you in Inazuma City youd get removed that was fun. DONT GET ME STARTED ON ENKANOMIYA.

Liyue felt like the right step after Mondstadt. Getting to beat up Childe is an extra plus. The way it also led into Inazuma was great too, I hope they do something like that for Natlan. The story had a natural build up to me, and it flowed well. The Chasm, while frustrating, felt like a meaningful addition to the nation. And, I am swayed by Lantern Rite. Best event every year, hands down. And, I love Chenyu Vale!

Mondstadt was the perfect starting nation. I go back every now and then to test out builds in progress and team comps, but that's about it. The City is the highlight by far, but the Archon Quest was near perfect. Venti used to be my favourite Archon, too. I got him on his first banner, he's fun to play and I wish he'd finally get his Story Quest chapter 2 IVE BEEN WAITING YEARS FOR MORE VENTI

Anyways. So, let's talk Fontaine

It didn't hit me right away. I loved the first part of the quest. Meeting the twins at the port, Furina showing up and making her grand entrance in such a showy manner, it was perfect. It was hard to see how the second part really fit in, and I will say I am a little tired of Navia crying, but. By the time the Finale happened, I was satisfied. The Fortress part was excellent too, and. The Finale

The twist about Furina was perfectly executed to me. Especially since her erratic behaviour in the trial is used to show how seriously she took her assignment from Focalors. She *had* to make sure they kept believing in her, otherwise,

Didn't like that abrupt cut in the whale fight. That part didn't wrap up right to me, but oh well

And, this nation has had so many wonderful characters. There's not one that I hate, and that's huge. Everyone feels whole and interesting to me, just. Amazing

I love Arlecchino. The Hearth siblings. How dare this game make me care about the Fatui?? I was doing so well, I didn't like any of the other Harbingers or operatives so far and BAM. Hot lady dad and her three French kids. Stole my heart

Neuvillette plays perfectly as the "higher being that's become enamored by humans", and the way Sigewinne contrasts his emotional investment with her more "detached" (used loosely) fascination works so well. There's Wriothesley, and Navia and Clorinde, who both highlight the grey side of Justice, in different ways. Charlotte and Chevreuse are also there

And. Fucking Furina

I actually cried during the Archon Quest, in her little mind bit. I wasn't her biggest fan on launch, but. Now I'm obsessed. To me, this accomplished much more than what Scaramouche did, with a similar premise. I can't stand that twink, but Furina perfectly captured my attention and heart

All in all, Fontaine was so excellent. The water mechanics are some of my favourite in the game now, and all the new creatures and birds and enemies were perfect. The Bygone Sea was a perfect added area, and. I may be biased as a musician, but it really outclassed Chasm and Enkanomiya

There's only about two Fontaine updates left before Natlan. Hopefully I'll enjoy the region that will be the closest from repping my culture (native Canadian. Latin America is, close enough for me I guess), so. Here's hoping

This was all opinion. I felt like writing it all out, since I've had so many feelings about the game lately

[the-tubort]

I got bored so I started thinking about the importance of the various Summer Movies for Super Sentai since sometimes they can be completely irrelevant and a wast eof time or will be important to the plot somehow and comeback in a way that makes you wish you saw the movie. (Note I have not seen every Sentai with a Summer Movie and some of these are based purely off of my memory since I haven't rewatched some seasons in forever)

Gaoranger: The Summer Movie is fun to see Gao Knight but literally nothing from it comes back in any meaningful or noticeable to my memory

Hurricaneger: If you wanted to see Tenrai Senpuujin several episodes early, then here you go! This one is just kinda there from what I remember like it's fine but it's placement is awkward and they don't even bother to mention Tri Condor appearing in the movie first at all.

Abaranger: This is a must watch for a multitude of reasons, but the events of this movie do come back during the show in a very big way so it's worth watching.

Dekaranger: It's more Dekaranger go watch it for fun. Dekaranger doesn't even have that big of a plot in the first place so this is just a lot of fun so watch it

Magiranger: This expands more on the lore of the world and does some foreshadowing for other stuff in the show but isn't extremely necessary. Watch it if you want to see Hikaru get bullied for no reason

Boukenger: From what I remember of Boukenger, this movie just advertised that the machines 6-10 could in fact combine and then added another Precious that did not really get talked about again

Gekiranger: I haven't seen all of Gekiranger but I have seen the movie and it debuts an amazing mech form that does come back quite often but it's not like this movie invented completely if that makes sense

Go-Onger: The series takes like two episodes of its runtime to literally bring back the movie characters and general plot so yes you do need to watch it

Shinkenger: The Summer Movie toy appears quite often in the show and post series content so yes do watch this. It's good regardless of its status as necessary anyways one of the best summer movies

Goseiger: The Summer Movie toy shows up I think a totalc of one extra time in the series and they don't even bother to reference that it came from the movie like at all its honestly not worth the time

Gokaiger: it's a fun time but nothing that happens in the movie changes or develops anything we didn't already know about the cast and their end goals. (Watch the vs Gavan movie though that shit is fire)

Kyoryuger: The Summer Movie cast, toy, and villain all come back in the main series and while they do provide minor context it's good to know the full movie regardless. It's also just super fun anyways

ToQger: not super necessary since it never gets directly mentioned until a Vs. Movie but this is genuinely one of the best movies they've made and when you watch ToQger along with this movie you'll understand

Ninninger: The most I can say about this movie is that the mech shows up the Vs ToQger movie for like 2 minutes which was neat

Zyuohger: This movie was cool but the mech and general plot I wanna say only get brought up like once for a quick reminder that it existed I think? Also Yamato gets beaten up a lot in this movie as is Zyuohger tradition

Kyuranger: Genuinely I was so excited to see the summer toy in this movie and I could not tell you a si gle thing that happens and neither can the cast of characters cause they never once bring it back

LuPat: Surprisingly yes this is necessary for something that happens at the end of the show. If you know, you know.

Ryusoulger: This is one of the more recent seasons + movie I watched and quite honestly I could not tell you much of what happens in the movie because for as much build up in the series led up to it, it impacted the story so minimally the show does a perfect job of summing it up without wasting the time it took to watch the movie. Whatever lore they dropped in the movie, you get in the show but at least seeing the lore in action is cool instead of not seeing it

Kiramager: Okay technically not a Summer Movie due to COVID but it counts in my heart forever. This is somewhat necessary they built it up a bit with the main villain being name dropped before her appearance and then they reference it in the literal last episode but its not like you're missing much if you choose to not watch it. I do recommend seeing it though for a certain scene. If you know, you know.

Donbrothers: The most recent movie and honestly I could not tell you if it was necessary at all considering the show isn't over but Inoue did bother to spend a whole two minutes to reference the movie happening and a single scene referencing it did happen so yknow. Go for it. I will say it is fucking hilarious and I couldn't breath at some points

[sleepsucks]

Hi! i rlly enjoy ur comics! howd u got started doing diary comics and what keeps you motivated to draw them?

Hey thanks a lot !

when i started i was mainly inspired by cooler people than me doing similar things;

Boulet's blog , not daily and in a pretty different vibe, still already made me think making comics about your life could be cool & funny (tbh autobio comics blogs were pretty popular on the french internet in general at the time & there were many more of them, but i didn't dig enough back then so boulet was my main ref )

@lucieebrey's Muggy Ebes daily comic diary at the time was absolutely my main inspiration ( and tbh i've ended up drifting towards her style evenmore over the years, square-format often-4-panelled animal-headed schmuck type )( absolutely not a bad thing but i hope im not ripping it off too much huuuh )

(her blog is a recent new one and doesn't have those comics, but you can see a sample of them on her website ! )

very similarly, @kochalka's American Elf is a massive classic of the genre, big inspiration for lucie ebrey in the first place too i believe (and many others), and while i'm not sure i knew those when i got started i found & read them afterwards and they def fed into it

as for MOTIVATION oof huh;

i honestly don't know anymore how i did it when i started, it was in hopes of getting better & making something then, so i had enough motivation to fuel it going in, and probably forced myself a bit extra to set the habit. (if you wanted to start a similar daily project, i think it's really mostly about powering through the first few weeks or months ! after that it sorta becomes a background thing)

but now ?? it's honestly mainly the habit, as well as an arguably unhealthy approach to it : now that i'm that far in i'm both used to doing it AND really don't want to break the streak. not really thinking about it too much anymore AND unwilling to consider stopping

also a pinch of "currently i'm and have been in a big dump creatively and this is the last real project-type thing i have going and i HAVE to hold on to it"

I wish i had a cool answer about how these are very meaningful and important to me and a huge part of how i see the world and i keep drawing them for that kinda cool reasons but HONESTLY i'm just not that deep.

i'm making those because i do & i'm somehow not done yet

( to be more positive about it it's also just neat to do most times and i still have an absurd amount of progress to make still so who knows where it could go when i can manage to start evolving again. i'd like to see )

[fallingforel]

Arabella pt 11-for the hope of it all

words: 1,638

gif cred: @thefrontofmymind

"Matty, hey, how are you?"

"fucking shite, bug, they've got me attached to all these wires, I don't want to be here, I want to be in my bed with you"

"Matty" I sigh knowing the next thing I'm about to say isn't what he wants to hear, but it has to be said before I give him a false sense that he's going home after he's been discharged.

"what? spit it out woman" he says making me chuckle, even when he was lying in a hospital bed he was an impatient 3 year old.

"hey, you may be lying in a hospital bed, but I'm not afraid to kick your arse still." I replied before perking up again "do you know what happened Matty?"

"yeah, took a bunch of shit and blacked out"

"yes but you also, suffered from Alcohol poisioning which resulted in you having your stomach pumped, You also hit your head pretty hard, they weren't sure you were going to wake up. You overdosed too"

"shit really? did I really have to get my stomach pumped?"

"yes. why is that the only thing you pick up from that?"

"SICK! Never had to have that done to me before"

"No! Matty, it's not sick, it's bad if you were left there any longer, you could've died."

"Adams been asking about been asking about you too, said you were okay as well."

"whats up with you, why are you calling Hann by his actual name, and not his last name or Ad's like you usually do? whats gone while I was half dead. You all haven't fallen apart without me have you?"

"HEY! you were not half dead, you were merely taking an extra long sleep."

"okay sure I was taking an extra long sleep, tell me whats gone on now then"

"adam said you were dead, when we weren't sure if you were going to wake up, basically blaming you for everything, wasn't your fault you deal with pain different to us, you get high and drunk when your in so much pain"

"yeah, can't say that, what Adam said didn't hurt. Because that would be a lie."

"he still hasn't apologised by the way, it's been two weeks. Been passing everything along to G and Ross. about your state, Your going to the bahamas or bermuda, haven't decided which one your going to yet."

"what for?"

"for rehab matty, You blacked out, the doctors have been strongly suggesting rehab, more of an order than a suggestion I guess"

"nice, It'll be nice to get away from this shitty weather for a good while" He says trying to lace his voice with meaningfulness, though I know he doesn't want to go, Just hoping it makes me shut up about it. I know him through and through and I knew that he was lying through his teeth.

he sits in silence with me for a while before he scares me blurting out a "shit" from his mouth.

"what?"

"what about the album? How am I going to record if I am going to be going to the bahamas"

"don't you worry your sweet little head about that Stink. I've sorted it" Giving him a grin like the chesire cat.

"why have you got that look on your face?" He asks from his hospital bed giving me a confused taken aback look.

"what look?" I ask dumbfounded pretending I don't understand.

"the cheshire cat look Y/n, The one that tells me that you've done something stupid."

"Matty. I haven't done anything stupid perse, just something you might not approve of."

"what?"

"I'm not telling you. You'll hate me for it."

"Tell me. Couldn't hate you more than I already do for sending me to fucking rehab"

"You know it's for the best Matty."

"spit it out"

"I asked, col to take your place on the album. He sounds just enough like you that nobody would notice, he's not touring for you though."

"ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. I AM NOT HAVING THAT SCUMBAG TAKE MY FUCKING PLACE THATS MY FIRST FUCKING ALBUM YOUR TALKING ABOUT. CALL OFF THE REHAB GET ME TO THE STUDIO, RIGHT FUCKING NOW" he says raising his voice.

Col and Matty never got on. Not when me and him were together, not when we all ran in the same friendship circle. and certainly not when we broke up and I found out he cheated on me, and I ran to matty's house in tears and cried on his shoulder and slept on his sofa for a month.

-7 MONTHS EARLIER-

"oh, you have got to be fucking joking me" I say as I walked into my shared apartment in London with my boyfriend of 6 years and my bestfriend and adams girlfriend of 5 years. with his head in between her legs.

"Y/n it's not what it looks like"

"yeah, course it fucking isn't. Get a life. I'm going."

"where?"

"away from you, have a nice life. We're DONE" I say.

and before I know it I'm walking out, away from my life and from him all I have ever known while living in london, the first love I have ever known. grabbing my coat and shutting the apartment door and running through the complex out the lobby door, hailing a taxi to the now only safe haven I knew Matty's house.

"Y/n? what are you doing here?" he asks opening the door to me tears filled my eyes. "he cheated on me, with beth." "that fucker. come in, don't want you getting a cold now do we?" I shake my head no and go to sit on his sofa where I would reside for the next month before getting my life together.

-BACK TO THE PRESENT/ DEC 2012-

"Matty calm down will you, your scaring all the other patients. Just sit down, let's talk it through before you go mental and take three steps back that's not what we're trying to achieve here"

"fine." He slumps back on the pillows turning his body to face the wall away from me.

"Matty, we've gone through all the options. All the people closest to you: Ross, Adam, G, your mum, your dad, my mum and dad, jamie too. And we've all agreed it wasn't a bad idea Adam and I are fine with it. But if you disagree to it here's whats going to happen. Your probably going to miss out on releasing your album, You're going to be put on drug watch with someone at your side all times even when you piss if you decide that you want to record, everyone is going to keep an eye out for you. So it's all up to you, but those are your options. What one do you think is best?"

"I ain't going to rehab."

"yes you are Matty, we've already established this. We've picked a nice place out for you to go. It's in bermuda, you get to do equine therapy play with horses, you get to watch the sea it's all very theraputic. It'll help you out Matty trust me. It's either this or a shitty rehab centre in a shitty town in the U.K where you get no 1 to 1 care either. I've got the card and my laptop here. You can have a look at it." I say pulling my laptop out of the cubby hole next to Mattys bed and the card out of my jacket pocket.

"I ain't going."

"matty, you are. You can either go the nice way, which is you go willingly or you can go the harder way where they pull you out of here themselves and I've seen it happen more than once when i've come to visit you. Matty you need to choose, the doctors aren't letting you out of here until you've chosen the route you want to go down, which is going to be close drug watch with one of us, or all of us and rehab at the end after you've recorded or rehab and let col record. and then hard or easiest way"

"fine."

"so whats it going to be?"

"I don't know yet, let me think it through can you go get me some proper food. I don't want none of this hospital shitty crap."

"yeah, okay what do you want?"

"maccies. Double cheeseburger and coke please"

"okay, I'll go get you some. be back soon" I say before leaving his hospital room with a chaste kiss on his forehead.

the drive thru was rather short getting myself chicken nugget meal and I thought on the way back I should probably tell George what was going on seeing as he was closest to Matty after me of course.

"so whats going on"

"I don't know G, I told him I was sending him to rehab he seemed okay at first, knew it was a lie though I could tell. Then I told him about Col recording the album and he started shouting and denying going to rehab, I gave him his options he ended up saying fine. Don't know whether he's chosen going to rehab first or recording. G I'm scared."

"there's no need to be. It's matty he'll come around eventually you know he will. No need to swea-"

and G is abruptly cut off by someone else ringing me, the hospital. that can't be good

"err G I'm gonna have to go, the hospitals phoning"

"okay okay, enjoy mattys madness" He says ending the call allowing me to pick up the hospitals phone call.

"hello?" I say

"hello. Is this Y/N L/N."

"It is how can I help."

"it's matty."

"what about him?"

"he's disappeared"

"okay. I'm coming I'll be there soon." I say ending the phone before screaming

"FOR FUCKS SAKE"

[ruvviks]

and last one is a bonus up to u. 🖋️ + thiago (i'm squeezing all the info out of you) or nikita, or even both if you want 🫶

oc asks!

nikita is the drummer of urban dynamite! he's one of the earlier members and a very important one at that, his perfect intuition and feel for the music they play making him very good at improvising and playing in on what the others are doing which greatly improves the music they make in general >:^)

he moved to the nusa at age 18 to escape his homophobic household and tried to get into acting at first, which went pretty well for him! he landed a job in a tv show with rowdy and lalo and even let lalo move in with him at some point. the two bonded over being in a foreign country and having no one to rely on anymore and nikita even ended up falling in love with his best friend for a while, but they never got together during this time despite their characters in the tv show they played in getting together

the show ended rather abruptly because lalo was getting himself into trouble with authorities a lot. this also caused him and nikita to lose contact with each other because lalo was isolating himself from all his friends and it upset nikita greatly, but he also understood. he ended up focusing on some more smaller acting jobs and eventually joined urban dynamite when rowdy invited him :)

nikita is a bit quiet but once he's talking he's very direct and blunt and isn't scared of what people will think of him. now that lalo is also part of the band, nikita's feelings for him are resurfacing a bit. well. a lot actually. he wants to kiss him so bad

THIAGO. my boyfriend thiago. freak on the loose in the desert. i will keep describing him like that i have to or i'll die it's so funny to me

thiago used to run with a nomad family and he genuinely loved it there so much. being on the move all the time was good for him, he liked the change, he liked the freedom, but he was also very unpredictable in the sense of getting distracted a lot and sometimes just going on his own gigs without telling anyone and other people would get so worried about him. but talking to him about it didn't help and it caused a lot of tension in the family which eventually caused thiago to just get up and leave forever. he didn't want to hurt them anymore :(

and ever since he's just been alone basically. lives in his car (haven't decided what kind yet but it's one of those nomad cars and it's heavily customized it's his BABY. that's his home right there he loves that car so much) with his cat ravioli who's about as stupid as he is. well. no ravioli is smarter than him actually. hyperactive little beast though he Will claw your face open (affectionately)

thiago spends most of his days riding around the badlands doing gigs for fixers or doing shady businesses with gangs. he often stops at garages or motels for a while to do some bar shifts there or fix up some cars for people to get some extra eddies and he's perfectly fine living all by himself. or so he keeps telling himself

at the same time, he keeps a very close eye on activity in the area; watching other nomad families as security measure. or so he tells himself. he secretly really just wants to be part of something again, wants to feel like he belongs somewhere but going to night city would only make him worse and crawling back to his own family would kill him a thousand times dead on the floor so he keeps telling himself he's FINE when really he's NOT

thiago is a bit of a distant man when you first meet him and he has no filter he will say Anything that comes to mind and only slightly regrets it afterwards. he's a big flirt. he's big smart but also big stupid at the same time. he HAS eaten cat food on several occasions and he WILL do it again. bit of a freak bit of a weirdo. loves to fuck. hasn't fucked in a while and you can tell. very deeply longs for meaningful connections with people but would rather die than admit it. loyal to a fault which is both a good and a bad thing because it's very easy for others to just use him for whatever. still VERY unpredictable though. he just needs to get adhd meds and that would solve like most of the problem tbh