#i didn't quite get to 15

[elizabeth-karenina]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

I wasn’t tagged for this, but I saw it on a mutual’s blog and thought it would be fun to do. I haven’t done one of these in a while, so why not? 

1. Are you named after anyone? 

I was named after a great-grandmother as well as my paternal grandmother—Dorothy Elizabeth (my great-grandmother) and Jeannette (my grandmother). I adore my grandmother, so I’ve always been honored to share a name with her. I never knew my great-grandmother, who died tragically young, and I’ve always been a little sad that I never knew her. 

2. When was the last time you cried? 

About a week ago or so. Look, I cry all the time nowadays, so I can’t even accurately tell you. It’s not even a bad thing, mind you. I cry at cute things as well as sad things; at this point, if I’m feeling the emotion, I just let it take over! 

3. Do you have kids? 

I don’t. I wouldn’t mind having one or two, maybe three, someday with a committed partner. But I am definitely not having children for the sake of having them. If I’m going to be a mother, then I’m doing it because I’m ready. 

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? 

It depends on the situation. I tend to only do so with my nearest and dearest, and in a humorous sense. I’m of the opinion that sarcasm has a time and place, because depending on the situation, sarcasm can be very rude. 

5. What sports do you play/have played? 

I used to play sports a lot when I was a kid. I used to play kickball and baseball with my cousins and my friends in my neighborhood all the time. And I played on a local soccer team with a bunch of school friends when I was 9. I even went to a basketball camp at my dad’s recreation center when I was 10. 

I didn’t keep up with any of this as I got older, mind you LMAO! I’m just not as athletic as other people. But I do love watching sporting events, especially the World Cup. 

6. What's the first thing you notice about people? 

Their faces, especially their eyes and their smiles. 

7. What's your eye color? 

Dark brown, like polished mahogany or melted chocolate. 

8. Scary movies or happy endings? 

Happy endings, for sure! As much as I love a good spooky story, I appreciate and care about happy endings more. 

9. Any special talents?

I can sing well enough, at least among my friends and my family. I tell stories really well; I do everyone’s voices and everything. I’m pretty good at cheering people up and knowing what to say in any given moment. I’m also pretty good at baking, especially cookies and cakes. 

10. Where were you born? 

In America, in Maryland to be exact. 

11. What are your hobbies?

I’ve gotten back into reading lately, which is wonderful, because I think reading is probably my favorite thing to do. Usually I like reading about history, but I’ve also decided to step out of that and try to read some book series this summer. I’ve been learning French on Duolingo for about 3 years now, and one day I’d like to learn Spanish, Russian, Greek, and Mandarin one day too. I like listening to music and podcasts on the weekends, and when I can plan it, I also like going to the movies and go shopping afterwards. 

12. Do you have pets? 

For about 13 years, I had a Latsah-Otsah/Maltese dog named Ringo. Unfortunately, he died last year and it was a hard thing to go through. I would love to have another pet, but I live with my family, so if we do decide to get one we’d ALL have to agree upon it. And right now, my family doesn’t feel like it’s ready for anything else, so SADLY I am petless. :(

13. How tall are you? 

I am five feet tall! I’m literally a hobbit. 

14. Favorite subject in school? 

English lit, world history, my Spanish classes, and my chorus class. 

15. Dream job? 

So many! I wished I had kept up with my music lessons, because I wish I could be in an orchestra or a choir. I used to want to be a radio DJ, too, but that dream fizzled out real quick lmao! 

Here’s who I would like to tag: @1980s-jean-ralphio, @miumiumacaron, @stcndupeight, @nellygwyn, @magalis, @roamwithahungryheart, @pocketwish, @octoberinflorence, @grand-duchessa, @midnightinjapan, @wifeofbath, @spicytchai90, @stray-kaz

[starry-bi-sky]

do yall ever think about bruce/batman!clone danny standing in front of his bathroom mirror after finding out he was a clone and silently tracing his face. The slope of his jaw and point of his chin. The high angle of his cheekbones and the shape of his eyes, the curve of his brow bones and the shape of his nose. The volume of his hair and the way it curls and gets fluffy when it gets too long.

His hair is black the same way a crow's wing is black. His dad's hair is black the same way a black bear's fur is black. His dad's eyes are blue like the ocean is blue. Danny's eyes are blue the same way a glacier is blue.

His dad has a square jaw and straight flat hair, and he tans and gets a face full of freckles when he's out in the sun for too long. Danny burns like a lobster and his face remains untouched. Danny has a sharp jaw and tall cheekbones, and Sam says when he's not smiling there's almost something regal about him. You would never call Jack Fenton "regal" when he's not smiling.

Sam says when he's not smiling he looks scary the same way a stone statue is. Jack Fenton when he's not smiling looks scary the same way that german shepherd staring at you across the street is.

Do you ever think he grew up wondering if he was adopted. Because of course, he has black hair and blue eyes like his dad. But having the same color doesn't make you someone's child.

Or, worse, things he's heard from the other kids and the other parents and even some of his teachers growing up; that he was the product of an affair. And that his dad was just too stupid to notice. And Danny would defend his parents until the day he died, because Jack Fenton wasn't an idiot and Maddie Fenton wasn't a cheater.

But doubt comes in with fickle tongue. his parents swear up and down that he is their child when he asks about either. That Danny just had his grandparents' features, but he was their son and they loved him.

But Danny doesn't look like either of his parents. His mom's eyes are blue like an aquamarine and Jazz's too. And they burn like lobsters in the sun too, but Jazz gets freckles on her face and so does Maddie. And as Danny grows up he doesn't bulk up or get stocky like his dad did, and when he hits puberty he doesn't shoot up like a tree like Jack Fenton did.

He stays small, and they say he's a late bloomer (and he is), or that he just has his mom's height. But he's fast and has good stamina, and some days it feels like he's built entirely different from his family. That the things they went through growing up just didn't apply to him. Jack and Maddie Fenton both had acne and breakouts when they hit puberty, and Jazz inherits it and he's seen the amount of skincare products she keeps on her side of the bathroom.

And then he hits puberty and breaks out maybe once or twice, but his skin stays clear for the most part and the problems and changes his dad went through just don't happen to him.

And the truth is worse than all of the lies.

How horrifying.

[batsplat]

as our resident Casey expert i wonder what do you think would have happened if marc and casey competed against each other? since casey retiring is so important for marc coming into motogp im always thinking abt the what ifs...

my initial instinct with this hypothetical is always 'that sounds horrible', though I do have more thoughts and opinions about it than that! marc obviously would have loved the chance to race casey, and casey has even been one of his picks of 'guys he would've liked to be teammates with' before, so, you know, clearly something there - and he does very much respect casey as a rider. I think it's quite likely that by the time marc entered the premier class, casey had already developed... I don't know if wariness is going too far, but maybe a little bit of unease or caution where marc was concerned. marc already very much had a reputation based on his 125/moto2 track record, and some of these incidents were controversial enough that the motogp riders commented on them. so take the phillip island 2011 incident where marc rode into the back of another rider:

the valentino quote serves as a bit of a benchmark here, given he was generally pretty pro-marc. yes, casey's phrasing is perhaps a little harsher, but unsurprisingly none of the riders were big fans of marc's behaviour in that particular incident

on the other hand, it's not like casey never sided with marc. take catalunya 2012, where marc was slapped with a controversial post-race penalty:

yes, casey's main complaint was about inconsistent stewarding - but still, he believed marc had been unfairly treated here. feels like these incidents were some of the only things casey and valentino actually agreed on in those years, so that's nice

that being said, it's hard to see how casey wouldn't have his issues with marc and marc's whole approach to racing. I did include some thoughts on the teammate question here, but mainly I'm going to pilfer the relevant autobiography passage:

"if a rider doesn't care about his own safety then it stands to reason he doesn't care about anybody else's either"... there's nobody really who embodies the 'doesn't care about his own safety' maxim better than marc. he was the young rider desperate to win, and I can't imagine casey would have enjoyed actually racing him much. casey mostly didn't enjoy racing valentino, after all, who is a generally a lot more selective with his aggression than marc is (though casey did have to experience some of the worst valentino had to offer in that regard). casey talked in his autobiography about getting a sense when he just wasn't really able to trust another rider on the track, how much it bothered him - and that exact lack of respect is something that's been pretty closely associated with marc. that doesn't mean he would immediately declare marc his enemy... he'd just want marc to change, to learn, to grow up, to start treating his competitors with a little more respect. the way casey talks about young riders, there is a sense in which he has more time for them than he does for valentino - whose lack of respect casey views as more integral to who he is as a rider. valentino isn't a bully on track due to the exuberance of youth, he's a bully on track when he thinks he can use it as a tactic of intimidation. then again, marc by this measure is worse... and I think very quickly casey would have grown pretty disenchanted with how marc approaches all his wheel-to-wheel racing, especially when it becomes more and more clear marc does not feel particularly inclined to change

it's always important to remember how recent the trauma of losing simoncelli was for the whole sport, and it coloured both dani and jorge's wariness of marc... but also (in my opinion anyway) their restraint in how they dealt with him. how they tried to stop themselves from actually making an enemy out of him, in part because they'd just had an experience of harshly criticising a rider for a whole year and then having to process his death. both dani and jorge actually had more public and more serious disagreements with simoncelli than casey did, but I reckon there would have been an element of that restraint with casey too... on the other hand, his experiences with marc would have left him feeling even more alienated from the sport than he already was - at times frustrated (like jorge was) less with marc directly but more with the regulatory bodies for not holding marc back, for not giving him a race ban or whatever to teach him a lesson. that being said, marc's shamelessness vs casey's stubbornness means that if they had direct on-track encounters and casey didn't like marc's post-race response... well, I certainly think that'd end up being a pretty tense situation, even if it falls short of active hostilities

worth including irl!casey's take on marc in 2013:

which, you know. it's not just that marc's a hard racer - casey is accusing marc of deliberately wanting to make the defeats extra painful for his opponents, of wanting to not just beat but humiliate them. anyone else that reminds you of? someone who is as motivated in securing his psychological victories as his actual ones? perhaps someone who has a bit of a history himself with casey?

let's bring in valentino. it's not that casey would really have begrudged marc his friendship with valentino, and he generally kept his hatred of valentino quite 'clean' in that he wasn't conducting any proxy wars or anything (for instance, I don't get the sense the vale/sic friendship ever affected his view of simoncelli... though I have very little to go on here either way). also, if nothing else in this timeline changes, we're assuming valentino in 2013 is fairly clearly the... fifth? best rider? kinda depends where dani would have landed I suppose (casey's retirement announcement did save honda from a bit of a headache)... but anyway what this means is that valentino probably wouldn't initially have been much of a competitive threat to casey. mostly he would have been consigned to the sidelines

that being said, I doubt casey would have massively enjoyed the whole laguna seca saga. unfortunately, we don't even really know what real life casey's stance on the copycat move situation was... though if I had to guess, in this timeline I'd say his position would've been, a) marc could and should have carried out that overtake two corners later, there was no need in that race situation to take that risk, b) still, it was valentino's slight error as he attempted to reclaim the position (in what was a pretty aggressive manner, it has to be said) that led to them both ending up off-track and fuck that guy, and c) the problem with 2008 wasn't just or even primarily the corkscrew overtake and it's annoying that that's the only bit everyone talks about. of course, there's also the question of whether casey would have bought marc's explanation that it was totally by coincidence that the overtake happened there... and again, complete guesswork, but my sense of casey is that he would have assumed marc was being at least a little bit dishonest. (which, you know... laguna's not an easy track to overtake at, but marc did prove with the bradl move that he was perfectly capable of overtaking after turn 8 - might not have been planning on the off-track excursion, but he was still attempting to overtake just ahead of a blind crest that happened to feed into the corkscrew lol.) I think casey by his honda days had calmed down a bit (though he still certainly had some conspiratorial tendencies), but I also don't think it's a stretch to imagine that he would've felt like he was a victim of a joke between the pair of them... not ideal

overall though, I reckon casey's main frustrations would have been less with the move itself and more with how it was discussed. in the presser, while joking with marc, valentino does take the opportunity to get in a jibe at casey for old time's sake. there's this clip, where he directly addresses livio suppo (at ducati in 2008, by then at honda) - specifically about how both casey and suppo criticised him for that overtake. in response, suppo says something about how he's grateful to marc because they finally got payback. valentino is later asked directly about casey's complaints in 2008 in this clip, and replies with the following:

would valentino have said this stuff with casey still in the paddock? well, yes! honestly, given valentino did very quickly lay off needling casey once he had retired, there's a good chance he would have said something worse. and marc would have laughed along at the whole thing. I don't know, I just don't see casey taking particularly kindly to that... he can hold a grudge, that man can, and at a certain point he'd probably be increasingly less willing to give marc the benefit of the doubt. interesting situation though, laguna seca '13 + casey is a very juicy scenario that could play out in several different ways

but I'm guilty of burying the lede here - there's a far more obvious reason than anything I've described above for why the casey/marc relationship would have turned sour. it's the simple fact that they would have been teammates which would do the damage all on its lonesome; they have radically different conceptualisations of how that dynamic is supposed to work and would inevitably have clashed as a result. the one commonality they do have is they don't see their teammates as potential friends, which is... also not helpful! I think they'd probably initially be fine on the interpersonal level - and, actually, given how the casey/valentino relationship played out and marc's general approach to his rivalries, I can see marc/casey more or less being able to maintain a minimum standard of politeness towards each other even at their worst. like, I still think they'd be able to smile at each other and do some small talk when face-to-face, but I also think everything else would be a complete disaster. I talked a bit about how marc approaches his teammate relationships in this post - and I'm not going to rehash too much of what irl!marc got up to, but I'll include some bits relevant to casey

from marc:

related to casey:

and dani comparing the two:

we do obviously even have actual real life controversy wherein casey thinks marc felt threatened by him and forced him out of honda... and this in a timeline where they weren't even direct competitors! if this is the level of tension a test rider role can generate, then if they'd actually been teammates...? yeah, no. casey thinks that teammates should cooperate - and he thinks that riders enforcing divisions within the box are essentially doing so because they are "afraid". marc has openly admitted to lying about what parts he likes to make sure his teammate doesn't get any edge over him. this is the thing, right: marc might think casey is a cool rider, would've liked the chance to race him and even be teammates with him... but this is the stuff he did to dani, who was one of his literal idols! this is his understanding of competition - (like valentino) he might love the fight, but simultaneously he'll do pretty much whatever it takes to win, because he considers this stuff fundamentally part of the game. casey does not. to casey, this kind of victory is dishonest. any kind of gamesmanship is a sign of weakness... the victory is worth less if you're accomplishing it like that

now, hey, maybe marc would never have been able to go as far as he did with dani because he wouldn't have the kind of performance edge that allows you to definitively impose your will within the team. I think it's a popular interpretation that marc wouldn't have won the title in 2013 if casey had been there, which... I mean, I think it's true that it would have been less likely - in that in a season with that much volatility, the more plausible championship contenders you have the less likely it is that any single one of them takes the title (same goes for instance if you add in a valentino who had not gone to ducati for two years and would have presumably been more competitive in 2013). but it's not like casey would have been the defending champion and the clear class of the field... partly due to injury, he ended up finishing in third in 2012. jorge and dani didn't win the 2013 title in part as a result of their own injuries, and who knows how casey would have fared... like sometimes it's just luck of the draw really. you can be the better rider and still not win the title, shit happens. I think for as long as a more or less healthy-ish casey stays in the sport, it would have been unlikely that marc establishes quite the same performance edge as he did over dani... but, well, if anything that would have meant he would have fought even harder out of perceived necessity to win the internal honda wars

it's the kind of thing that can make a relationship quickly deteriorate, especially with a prickly character such as casey, and it's entirely plausible that dynamic would have become strained at best and horrendously toxic at worst... sooner rather than later. and the thing is, this environment would affect marc considerably less than it would casey. again, it's the fact that he relishes the fight... he's very good at shrugging off (most) criticism and thrives in that kind of tension. the emotional fatigue that this scenario generates would be painfully lopsided, where casey offers harsh criticisms and means them and is endlessly frustrated with marc's approach, while marc... doesn't really care. at least dani also had a questionable manager who was conducting behind the scenes warfare on his behalf - casey doesn't want to play these games at all. he just wants to ride a bike, and marc is never going to allow him to live in peace as long as he's an internal threat. if casey were exposed directly to all of that from marc, I doubt he'd walk away from the experience with a particularly positive impression of him

does he walk away? I think there's a decent chance that casey would have ended up so disillusioned with the whole thing that this would have been what pushed him into retirement. if he wants to get out of that mess, let's say after two years, his options would have been pretty limited. yamaha is closed off and I'd struggle to think of a scenario in which either jorge or valentino would have been particularly interested in a direct swap (also, if you're sick of being marc's teammate, you're probably not gonna be jumping at the chance to be valentino's instead). I suppose you could go back to ducati (which he did return to as a test rider so it's not like those bridges were permanently burnt), and maybe casey could do something special even with *gestures* that version of the bike. really though... I think enough would have been enough for him. regardless of the actual balance of success between the pair of them, my guess is marc wins that war because he's happier to get nasty and because he wants it more. casey has his two to four titles... he's done. let him go fishing

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

Everyone clap for me setting BOUNDARIES on my babysitting (said they have to be back by 10 so I can go sleep before driving tomorrow)

[firstroseofspring]

b’elanna vs her mother at similar ages, plus some sketches!

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

idk if it's because my mum worked in a tv magazine or what but all the media wars and backstabbing and stuff happening behind the cameras is so so interesting to me

[billpottsismygf]

Rogue

Oh wow, I have some complex feelings to work through with this one. Up front, really fun idea and very funny script and performances. There were quite a few moments that had me laughing out loud (the shed, the OK exchange) and I love the whole set up of these aliens who want to cosplay as humans in the regency era. It also connects nicely with Rogue's love of DND. I feel like I might have missed something when they seemed to know that the Duchess was a Chuldur, but I'll see if I catch that on rewatch or not.

As always, I adore Ncuti here. He's so funny and charming as the Doctor, but I particularly loved that we got to see his darker side here. It was only a glimpse, but that line about 600 years being a long time to suffer was quite chilling and very reminiscent of the "he was being kind" speech from Family of Blood. Indeed, it is quite a ruthless end for the Chuldur! They're sent to a random "barren" different dimension! It reminds me quite a bit of the relocation gun from Rosa and how much it was shown to be one of the worst things you could do to someone (and Ryan uses it on the white supremacist guy). Brutal!

Ruby and the Doctor didn't get to spend much time together this episode, which is a shame because we haven't seen all that much of them together for three episodes in a row now. I can't help but think it's a sad consequence of the tiny episode run that we barely get to see this Doctor and companion interact, so although I loved the Doctor calling her his best friend, and I especially loved her giving him a hug at the end and making him deal with his emotions, I don't feel that connection as much as I'd like to. Equally, when he's devastated to think she's been killed, it would have hit so much harder if we'd seen them build up a real relationship. They have a lot of natural chemistry, so you still very much believe them as best friends, but it feels like we're missing a bit of the depth there.

Okay, now, the romance! I was quite apprehensive about this one because it looked like there might be something going on between the Doctor and Rogue, and that was further fueled by a comment Millie Gibson made in an interview about this episode showing a different side of the Doctor. The reason that made me apprehensive is entirely down to my personal preference, which is that I like it when the Doctor is more a-spec. As it turned out, this episode managed to be both better and worse than I worried. Better in that it was beautifully acted, had fantastic chemistry, and I loved the scandalous gay dancing (very reminiscent of the Torchwood episode Captain Jack Harkness). Worse in that it wasn't just something happening to the Doctor, that he's swept up in, but instead something he's actively pursuing.

Again, this is entirely down to my personal preference for the Doctor's characterisation, but the way that this pushes further than other instances of romance/kissing/etc. upsets me a little. It reminded me somewhat of The Girl in the Fireplace in places - inviting him to see the stars; the tragic ending - but the difference with that one is that she kisses him. I don't know, it's a relatively small distinction but one that matters to me. The Doctor has had romances before, and the more overt they are the more I dislike them (eg. all the River Song stuff), and nowhere has the Doctor more actively flirted with someone new, expressed attraction to them numerous times and deliberately kissed them than here.

On the other hand, it's very gay and I have to like it at least a little for that. It gives us a more obviously queer Doctor than Thirteen and Yaz and they had a whole arc! (Not to bash Thirteen and Yaz; I actually quite liked how that went down in the end, but again that's due to my preference for an a-spec Doctor, which jived very nicely with Thasmin.) Obviously, this doesn't invalidate any readings of the Doctor as aro and/or ace, especially as that can mean many different things, but it messes with my personal view of the Doctor's sexuality, and how I prefer them to be portrayed. For me, if the Doctor is going to participate in sex or romance, I'd rather it be understated and uncertain or unintended from the Doctor's end. Now I know what to expect from this one, I may become desensitized to it with time and enjoy it more for its merits. Still, I can't change the fact that it's just fundamentally not what I want from Doctor Who the character.

Misc

I love that the battle mode for the earrings came back. I wondered if it would when it was first mentioned, then promptly forgot about it entirely.

The comparisons between Rogue and Captain Jack Harkness are obviously numerous, and it's very funny to me that Jack would definitely be pissed off that he lost out on kissing the Doctor like that to someone who was basically a carbon copy of him.

More singing, since people are taking note of that. Love a bit of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!

I was cringing a bit while the Doctor was dancing to Kylie, but also glad he got to do that after the Master has had several camp pop dancing moments.

Speaking of Kylie, I wonder if the Doctor has ever noticed her uncanny resemblance to Astrid Peth.

We got a nice little flashback with Carla telling him to keep Ruby safe as well, which reminded me a lot of Jackie.

The faces of the Doctor's various incarnations looked a little strange. I couldn't actually tell who some of them were meant to be. Am I crazy or was one of them Richard E Grant, like from Scream of the Shalka (and the Great Intelligence)?

I said this already in another post, but it was dedicated to William Russell and I criiiiiied!

[kneecap-homicide]

And that pretty much sums up the plot of 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea

[kenobihater]

you ever write up a combination of words you're really proud of at the time bc you think it's vivid but it's actually so atrocious that you remember it eight years later bc it's burned itself into your long-term memory? just me?

[meirimerens]

hi, i know you headcanon some pathologic characters to be homosexual, like Daniil, Artemy, Yulia, Stakh... what do you think their relationship with their sexuality were throughout their lives? also, i remember in one of your older answers you mentioned Daniil coming out to his mother... how exactly did that happen in your vision?

hello darling this reply has made tumblr give me that "there was an error processing your post" over 15 times now for no good reason. it's like it was too big at first but this is the same length and if you read this it means it sent. anyways.

i had posted something kiiinda similar here (below the cut) including bi characters (eva + the twins) but i had forgor to include stakh + by god i can repeat myself/elaborate (i love. repeating myself <3 for real honestly especially on this) so ooh baby here we

Dankovsky (longest because i'm writing about him so the thoughts are many) knew at a young age (like 11-12) he didn't like girls and instead did boys so he had to come to terms with it in some way Pretty Quickly. to me he was raised christian eastern orthodox, which like all christian denominations comes with its fair share of religious-specific homophobia, he wasn't particularly like. Thrilled per se. + the familial/ancestral culture comes with its own set of expectations around masculinity which homosexuality inherently challenges and the fact that he was already more into cello than like war as a kid made his father raise an eyebrow on him right. so from ages like 11-16, dankovsky was like Well i'm going to have to pretend i don't see it and hope the sky doesn't fall on my head. at around 17 it became evident that was IT really that truly what he was and there was nothing he could possibly do to not make it be this way. it came with a sort of like. acceptance that it just was going to be how it was, but he was already starting to think how he could push the Acting on It part long enough for him to maybe become busy with something else. i think as he grew up he shed the concept of "sin" as he actualized himself atheist so no "hate the sin love the sinner" for him, but you can't really pull the religious guilt out of a man raised religious ykwim. eventually as he accepted that He Was, and that by god it wasn't even a bad thing to be/started Embracing it as one more of his Transgressions (when it. not really is, a transgression comes with a degree of consciousness and will to violate a law or code, the fact that he's gay is just. how it is. that's him forever and that'd be him regardless of context etc), he started assimilating gay codes for himself (the red tie…) to be like. Yes. ykwim. he still had not met a gay person in his life so it truly felt like Him Against the World, but he started being more comfortable with the fact that he was gay. however, it still didn't stop him from started a whole… "i'm not in a relationship rn bc i'm focusing on my studies" mindset. at uni, he truly like. came into his own internally while still trying to maintain a certain ambiguousness outwardly. andrei saw right through that and, even if he's like not gay but bi, he was the first dude daniil met who was also (Loudly) into dudes. dankovsky owes andrei the first like. actual coming out to Someone else than his mommy when andrei would bait him into hanging out with other gay and bi men, dankovsky would sit in a corner not fuckin wit anyone just Soaking In The Homosexuality In The Air, and when andrei went "u got a problem with that? you homophobic?🤨" dankovsky had to go like "i don't have a problem with it at all… when it's other people" [implied: i might deal with it not too well when it's me myself]. and from that point on he was like ah fuck me [not literally] why do i bother being insecure about it. from ages 20+ he was still very much in his Married To My Work Era + as he founded Thanatica he tried to lay low to not get investigated and being very loudly homosexual was not the best way to "not make waves" so even as he settled in himself with the fact that Well he's gay and he's gonna be gay forever so he better live with it, he still stayed closeted for his safety. i think from ages 18 to current game-day 28, not getting laid pardon the frankness led to him developing like an internally Fucking Crazy relationship with love and eroticism and he might have kept himself from entering relationships because he needed someone who Understood He'd Want To Eat Him. (love wins!)

re:coming out to his momma i think she had had her Doubts for a while yknow has had her Doubts. his dad too, but from his dad's perspective it felt deeply Painful (bc when the son is gay it is the father's masculinity that is threatened.. i've spoken about it on the post i've linked in the beginning) whereas his mom didn't have that My Masculinity Threatened. dankovsky knew he was gay since age like 11-12 but only came out at around 14-15, when it became obvious for him and hard to ignore, especially as people begin to have little boyfriends and girlfriends at this age. he told his mom first because he was closest to her and she was like.

she believed him from the beginning because she had had her Doubts. for a while she didn't quite know what to do with this information as it all dawned on her that it likely meant no grandkids, no daughter-in-law to whom she could give her pretty jewelry and so on… but also i think she like. could relate her son's homosexuality to like. fucking Tchaikovsky. who attempted suicide because his marriage to a woman made him so miserable. so she was like… well. that's just how it is isn't it. she's just gonna have to make peace with it whether she likes it or not. i think eventually she came to the conclusion that she spent 9 months building him from her blood and bones and a full day putting him out in the world so it would be stupid to be mad at him for that. + that's god's doing isn't it. she can't be mad at god. and if god's mad at her son he can take it to himself. etc .

Burakh for the longest time um. Didn't know. i think he realized that about himself genuinely age 26 in the 12 days. he's going through an entire coming-of-age/coming-into-place story and i think that includes a realization story lol. i think for the longest time he just thought he didn't love anyone period. up until 20 methinks he was like "well i'm just a late bloomer". then he went to war as a medic and was like "well i'm just so fucked up in the head my mind's full of corpses that's why there's no place for love". then he went home and… lord almighty. for years he thought was just not made for love because he truly. hadn't looked the other way (he's just like me fr fr). he went from not knowing what a closet was to realizing he was in it and the door was ajar to being out and in a man's arm in the span of 12 days. he didn't really have the time to brood about what it meant for his future/himself/his relationship to his people for him to be homosexual because love slapped him across the face and he fell on his ass. as his whole story is about finding his own path and learning to cope with doing things that might not be approved of him and living with choices that are of love regardless it's truly just like. learn to cope FAST. you have way more problems. + as i think the herb brides Know i think he's not given too much grief by his community and doesn't have the religious trauma background of dankovsky. also since his parents are. well dead. he doesn't have to respond to them + his dad textually is like You're gonna have to do something boy. (and that something might displease him but that's out of his hands. and into burakh's).

.

Yulia knew early too like 12-13. she always was a tomboy as a kid and almost just like… naturally blossomed into a masc lesbian. i think from early on she was like. ok well we're coping with that. she already was going against social conventions by being an educated woman a woman in ""typically"" male professions a masculine-dressed woman so at this point the fact that she liked women that was like. well if you don't like it tough luck buddy. she always had a relatively distant (if loving) relationship with her parents so she didn't feel the need to justify herself to them + won't lie they saw it coming. they had it comin… she was not in any relationships for a while because she's kinda like Dry of a person/passionate about things most people just don't see/don't fuck with so while she is charismatic and handsome and knew she could be desired she didn't have any long-term relationship before eva because you truly need a girl who's a lil bit crazy to handle her. and vice versa. so love wins. i think that while she might not have frequented lesbian spaces like bars because her ass does not do well with crowds i think she never felt like she was So Alone like Only Lesbian on Earth. i think she did feel a sense of loneliness about it but it was also mixed with a deep sense of Well I'm Here and I'm One So Someone Like Me Exists.

.

Stakh for a little while was also that "well i'm kinda too fucked up for love" and he was also fighting for his life to be seen as a good student a good protégé a good foster son so romantic love was Far from his mind. i think he realized he was gay around age like 15-16 when it all starts to Dawn on you y'know everything Dawns on you. he was very quickly like. well that's how the cookie crumbles. i think there was a sort of immediate acceptance about the Being Gay factor but more of a restraint about acting on it because he too was like Married to The Student Behavior and didn't want to risk losing his place by isidor's side, especially since he didn't know how isidor would react to him being gay (i know what isidor did to that old man so i know he wouldn't have cared but rubin is not a mind-reader). it was truly like. well i am and i can't do much about it but i'm soo focused rn. as 18-20 came around the corner and his relationship with isidor truly felt like he was fighting for his life trying to be seen as a good student he was like I'm either going to war or becoming a monk. he was fully willing to commit to lifelong monkish celibacy because he's always been. kinda dry. kinda with issues. + i think subconsciously he was trying to not let Desire creep up on him because it would distract him from the menkhu way (nice dichotomy idiot what lies outside of it etc). he went to war [p1 lore which i abide by] and. well when you put a bunch of fit young men together away from the women of course something like this would happen. anyways he comes home having acted on his homosexuality which he is fine with + feels kinda like a weight being lifted off his shoulders but he stil hasn't tasted Desire ykwim. Want. Hunger in the lover sense. but he's like. shrugs. whatever. monk it is. he doesn't become a monk. he clings to being isidor's foster son until his knuckles go white. it ends up being for nothing. grief and anger scythe him right. and in what follows he bonds with someone who's Fucked up and who Knows Hunger and Desire and omg flushed emoji etc. (+ my belief when dankovsky comes to peter's loft to talk about god-knows-what they kinda realize pretty fast He's Just Like Me Fr and dankovsky appreciates his + peter's company kinda like he appreciated Just Sitting There surrounded by gay and bi men even if they barely talk. just knowing you're like. Not Alone. etc)

.

bit long. sorrey.

[daz4i]

silly thing to get frustrated over but another internet pet peeve of mine is how ppl use the term analog horror for any internet horror project or any internet project with an 80s-90s tech style aesthetic. [guys. guys. please. i am on my knees here. mystery flesh pit is not analog horror. it's not even in video or audio form (tho it does have some audio iirc?? but it's def not the core of it). please]

i think this phenomenon stems from how most fans of the series that blew up are too young to have grown up with analog technology and thus don't really get what it even means (and I'm not mad at them or anything. they're mostly teens just having fun, who am i to tell them off). not to mention the certain tropes that started getting associated with that medium, like the photoshop liquify tool faces or creepy smiles, that are very much not a necessity for the genre nor confined to its medium, yet are still expected of it or get grouped together with analog horror despite being used in whole other forms of media

please. just say unfiction. put that word in your lexicon. also not every project with slightly creepy vibes is horror, which imo can end up feeling a bit disrespectful to creators who just share smth they intended to be comedic or for the sake of art itself (monument mythos you deserve so much better than this). like words and classifying media don't matter that much but they do help sometimes. also I'm just nitpicky and this post is merely me venting out frustration over smth that doesn't matter much so please absolutely do not take it to heart

[sortanonymous]

I can't stand the tension! I miss Unicorn: Warriors Eternal so much! I just need to know if it's coming back or not! If it's getting another season (or three like Genndy hoped for), then that's freaking awesome! If it's getting Zaslav'd before it can ever address that cliffhanger, then that's the biggest disgrace to happen in this industry in about a month or two (maybe idk). But just let ne know already! It's been a year! I miss Mel/Em, Ed, and the others so much! SGGYJGDGHBFGRKKDDYHHH

[da-riya]

I failed but that fixed me

[queen-scribbles]

This right here is what pisses me off the most about qt costing now. This is a Sith Warrior, sitting in Marka Ragnos’ tomb and unable to fast travel back to the Academy bc I didn’t have enough money. There is NOTHING  in her inventory. I already sold everything she didn’t currently have equipped. 

Normally when I start a new toon I send them seed money, but since this one’s just a throwaway for the weekly I didn’t bother. Wound up fast traveling to the field research area and taking a speeder, which does work, BUT it’s still annoying bc you used to be able to just go all the way back. Yes, it’s a convenience thing. I get that. They don’t have to include it, you don’t have to use it. But they did include it, and it’s a convenience that’s been free for years, and some newbie who has no higher level toons to send an allowance credits to starter ones is gonna be unable to take advantage of that convenience bc BW decided to add an arbitrary and frankly overpriced cost to it. How is Jo Schmo who just started the game contributing to inflation, BioWare? What negative impact are they having on the economy when they’ve only been playing for two hours and haven’t even left the starter planet? How does this help fix the economy? Anyone selling items for fuck you money through the trade channel isn’t even going to feel less than 800 credits, but it’s more than starter toons HAVE after SELLING EVERYTHING IN THEIR INVENTORY.

In my opinion, if they absolutely insist on keeping the charge for qt in the game, it needs to either a) not kick in til at least either Coruscant/Dromund Kaas(and even then, most places on Coruscant are 5k from the Senate tower. It’s ridiculous, so I’d argue Balmorra/Taris) or b) get cut waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down for starter/home worlds. I don’t care if that means higher level players aren’t paying a lot for travel when they come back to Coruscant/DK. As another example, It cost 8 times as much to quick travel from Kalikori Village to the Jedi temple vs taking the speeder.

[radioactive-earthshine]

UHC is the worst insurance. You might have heard about their AI problem denying almost all claims - and this is correct - but it runs deeper bc even their reviewers who are human who are supposed to be their backup against the AI don't know how to review LCD policies and compare it to the paperwork they are looking at, bc they lack logical and critical thinking, and weren't even trained in their position for what they are supposed to be looking for - so I have to write a NASTY email to the reviewer in question in the format of Mojo-jojo's speech pattern explaining why ALS is the same fucking thing as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis...

[egglygreg]

Feeling really awful rn. First week at work, only 15hrs (3 on Monday, 4hrs Wed, Thurs and friday). I'm not coping, had to go to bed immediately after work every day and I feel horrible. CFS is flaring horribly. Struggling while at work, and I'm not even doing anything much yet. Feeling really anxious and miserable as my health gets worse. I don't know what to do. I so badly wanted to do well and be able to work.