#i didn't know where to start without plotting so i hope this is okay throwing her into the golden trio era

[spellcastcd]

𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐎𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄. but truth be told, he didn't CARE enough about other people to take the time to feel better than them. other people don't cross his mind, they don't shadow the thoughts that plague him. no, only demons weighed this young man down - things the average person wouldn't, couldn't, or shouldn't understand.

that is, however, what you get when your blasted father bites off more than he can chew - 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋.

there are, as he's come to learn, exceptions to every rule, of course. there are people he cares about beneath the icy and indifferent facade. his housemates, friends - some of them more family to him than his own bloody father at this point. for them, he cared. for them, there was a soft spot.

the book in his hands soon becomes UNINTERESTING. dark eyes scan above them, a questioned eyebrow curved in curiosity. a smirk dares form upon his mouth as a toneless greeting emerges,❝ ── beauxbatons, hmm? ❞ book closes shut, theodore adjusts his torso to be sitting more comfortably on the common room couch. ❝ well, that is if daphne and pansy's rumor mill is to be trusted ── but a broken clock is right twice a day. ❞ a light smile briefly appears on otherwise stoic features. ❝ good move. france is delightful. ❞ it had been, once upon a time, his favorite place on earth. a refuge from his father, a chance to be alone with his mother. though the cruelty of the world had other plans.

@bijoupreciieux liked for a starter from theodore.

[the-case-book-of-fanfiction]

A Kiss Kiss

Ship: Eddie x bestfriend!reader

Summary: The Hellfire Club is one member short, but Eddie refuses to let the campaign slow down. That's where you come in, Eddie's "tutor" turned into his muse.

Word Count: 4,728 words

Warnings: mention of sickness, fluffy, pining Eddie, oblivious reader, brief/slightly bad description of a D&D session, sugar as a pet name for reader, excessive mention of how pretty Eddie's eyes are

Note: This fic is set several weeks before the events of season 4. The campaign is leading up to the session we see in the show! Reader has graduated, but stayed in Hawkins to help Eddie graduate.

☟ Continue below the fold ☟

"Lights...perfect. Got everything here... Where are my— There are my character sheets. Do I have...? Yes."

Eddie paced around the room one more time, checking everything for the fifth time. He needed to be certain that everything was ready. The session had to go perfectly. He'd planned for every possible curveball the party could throw at him, every stupid request and every bad roll and every plot twist he could use without straying too far from the course of the game. He'd been building up this campaign for too long to let it go awry just a few sessions away from his grand finale.

He twisted his rings around his fingers, giving the table one last look before sitting on his throne.

"It's gonna be fine," Eddie mumbled to himself, adjusting his stack of character sheets. "Everything's gonna be ooohhh-kaaaay."

The door opened. He looked up, expecting his players, and found you standing in the doorway instead, your eyebrow raised.

"Do I want to know why you're psyching yourself up for this like you do before your exams?"

Eddie groaned. "Let's not talk about my exams."

You made your way over to your own chair, which was sat just a few feet away from Eddie's. (He'd been inching it closer to him every time, but he wasn't going to tell you that, and he didn't think you'd noticed yet.) "You mean the exams you should be studying for?"

"They're weeks away! I have to finish the campaign, too."

Your eyebrows knitted as you leaned forward, trying to catch his eye. "You have to graduate, Eds."

For a moment, his heart dropped into his stomach. He hated that. He hated the way you sounded both hopeful and hopeless. He hated knowing where that sound came from, that you were really hoping the two of you would finally leave Hawkins together, like you'd planned to do two years ago, before he got told he wasn't graduating.

He still remembered the way your face had dropped when he'd told you. That looked crossed your face in his nightmares.

"If I don't—"

"Eddie..."

"If I don't," he repeated, a bit more forceful, "you don't have to stay with me. You should go to college and start your life."

You reached over, putting your hand on top of his. "You're going to graduate this time. You're so close, Eddie. You just need to pass your finals, and then you're out of here."

He looked over at you, expecting anger or annoyance, but he just found kindness. He always found kindness. "You can tutor me later, okay?"

"Good—because I brought all my physics notes, and there's no way in hell I'm lugging those things around for no reason."

Eddie grinned. You returned it, seeming to stare into his soul. Eddie felt a familiar flutter, one that he'd been ignoring for the past four, almost five, years. He buried it quickly, before he could get distracted enough to lose track of his campaign.

Not today, Munson, he told himself, tearing his eyes away. He could see how your gaze lingered on him for a moment, soft enough that he almost wanted to admit he was feeling those flutters—and possibly ruin eight years of friendship in the process.

"Not today," he mumbled to himself.

You raised your eyebrows. "What was that?"

"Nothing important." He glanced over and found your eyes pinned on him, gaze narrowed. "I'll tell you later." You nodded, satisfied, and he neglected to tell you that later meant on my deathbed.

The door opened again, and this time it was Gareth and Jeff. Eddie grinned the instant he realized their excitement matched—maybe even surpassed—his.

He left his throne to clap Gareth on the back. "Ready for this?"

Gareth grinned. "You have no idea. I've planned for everything you could throw at us."

Jeff snorted. "No, you didn't. Look at his notebook—he's got plans within plans over there."

"Ah, ah, ah! No you don't!" Eddie swooped back to his spot, dramatically clutching his notebook to his chest. "Avert your eyes."

You giggled from the corner. Eddie glanced over and the flutters came back; you were doing that beautiful thing you did, where you tried to cover your smile with your hand but it still peeked through. God, Eddie loved that smile—and he knew the rest of Hellfire did, too. He glanced back over and found Gareth practically swooning, very red in the face. He rolled his eyes.

"Where are the little sheep?" he asked, glancing at the empty spots where the three freshman he'd adopted usually sat. "And Grant? Jesus, where is everybody?"

"Grant is on his way, saw him in the hall," Jeff said. "Don't know anything about the freshies."

Eddie's jaw clenched. "If Sinclair's skipping out on us for basketball, I swear to God—"

You put a hand on Eddie's shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. He turned to you immediately, missing the look that passed between Gareth and Jeff. "Easy there, Eds. Maybe they got held for a few minutes after class. You know there are plenty of teachers here that will hold back a class they think has been too rowdy after the bell. Or..." You fixed him with a stern look he would never admit made his stomach swoop. "Certain rowdy students."

He looked away from you, awkwardly rubbing the burning blush climbing his neck. "It was one time!"

"Twice," you insisted. "And that's only that I know of! For all I know, it could have happened on nights we weren't going out, and you just never told me!"

Gareth peered around Eddie to see you. "Going out?"

You nodded. "For milkshakes and things—"

Eddie pushed his finger against your lips. "Shhhh, let's not talk about that, okay?"

You met Eddie's gaze. Mutual understanding passed between you, accompanied by an intense heat and a deep sense that you had misspoke. Eddie felt embarrassment curling in his stomach; it was clear that while you didn't understand you were about to describe the failed attempts at dating you Eddie had made throughout the years, the other two absolutely did. He was never going to hear the end of this.

Once again, the door opened, this time slamming directly into the wall next to it. Eddie's eyes flicked away from you and toward the two freshman in the doorway, Dustin ahead of Lucas, who still had his arm pushing the door open. Both were frozen, eyes wide as if they'd interrupted something they weren't supposed to attend.

But then Eddie realized what the situation looked like to them. He had, unknowingly, wrapped an arm around your waist and tugged you close to him to press his finger against your lips.

And with the way you were looking at him...

Eddie cleared his throat and let go of you, stepping away as if nothing had ever happened. "Where's the third one?" he snapped.

"Um...that's what we came to tell you," Dustin said, glancing at Lucas for support. "He. Um. Mike is..."

"Not feeling well," Lucas put in. "So he won't be here today."

Eddie knew his expression wasn't pleasant. He didn't try to change it. "Not...feeling...well," he repeated, words staccato and mocking.

The two boys nodded.

"Is he alright?" you asked.

"Uh...not really?" Dustin squeaked. "He, um." Lucas kicked him in the shins.

"He what?" Eddie snapped.

You put your hand on Eddie's back, shooting him an admonishing glare. His stomach swooped again, a pleasant mix of fear and arousal. He sat in his throne, placing his elbows on the armrests and leaning forward, hoping it would hide the tent in his pants he was sure would make an appearance if you kept up with those gentle touches.

"What's wrong with little Wheeler?" Eddie sighed, trying to soften his voice. You didn't glare at him again, so he guessed he did a good enough job.

Grant appeared behind the two freshman. "Does anybody know that Mike just threw up in the hallway?"

Lucas groaned as Dustin tried to hide the words with a belated, hissing shush.

"Oh, Jesus," Eddie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. With his hair creating a curtain to hide his face, he wiped his hand over his face, willing himself to pull it together.

He felt a hand on the back of his chair. When you spoke, he knew it was you. "Does Nancy know?"

Lucas nodded. "We went to tell her. That's why we were late."

"Shut up!" Dustin hissed. "Mike didn't want us to..." He glanced over. "Oh, what the hell? Cat's already out the bag."

"Nancy?" Gareth frowned. "What's she got to with it?"

You fixed him with a dry look that spat his question back in his face. Eddie had seen that look before, hated every time it was directed at him but loved when the other boys pining over you got it. "To take him home, Gareth."

"But what about the campaign?"

"What, you'd rather him throw up on the table? I'm sure Eddie would love that, wouldn't you?"

Eddie folded his hands together. "No, but it does create a problem���we are now one player short."

Silence fell. Eddie felt the question building up, felt everyone come to same realization and "solution" at the same time. He rapped his fingers against the armrest, waiting to see who would be brave enough to suggest it first.

It was Gareth. "Should we...postpone? Wait for him to get better?"

Eddie's attention snapped toward him. "Oh? Wait for him to get better, you say? And how long's that gonna take? A week, two? No—waiting would throw off the entire campaign. We need a sub for him."

"No one would play with such short notice, Eddie," Jeff said, shaking his head. "If this happened yesterday, maybe we could find someone, but everyone's left. Unless you want to go ask the basketball team if they'll spare another player—"

"Don't be stupid," Eddie growled.

"There's no sub, Eddie, you have to be reasonable about this," Gareth began. Eddie bristled.

"I'll sub."

Every head in the room turned toward you. Surprise flooded Eddie's brain. You wanted to play? The last time you'd played, it had been the same situation. You'd stood in for someone else, halfway through a campaign, and had been so confused you'd sworn off D&D for good.

"What?" Dustin said.

"I'll play in Mike's stead," you said. "I've done it before. Long time ago, and it wasn't exactly...great, but I'll do it." You glanced at Eddie. "If you want me to, that is. I know last time was kind of a disaster, but—"

Eddie worldlessly shuffled through his stacks. He sifted through every page and then flipped open a very worn down folder. There, at the back, was the page he was searching for. He handed it to you.

"Is this...?"

"The same character sheet as last time? Yep."

You stared at him. "You kept it?"

He shrugged. "'Course I did. I keep everything."

"No wonder your room is so messy," you teased.

He rolled his eyes. He saw Dustin's eyes go huge and knew the kid had taken it the wrong way. He had no desire to correct him. "Alright, that's enough of that. Everybody sit." He caught your arm before you could move away from him. "You stay close in case you need help. You need a refresher?"

You glanced down at the sheet he'd given you. "Um...maybe a little? Sorry."

"No problem, sugar. C'mere a second."

You did as you were told, the pet name going through you like lightning. Only Gareth seemed to notice, his gaze losing a little bit of light as he did.

~❊~

The ticking of a clock filled the room, coming not from the one on the wall but from Eddie himself, who was surprisingly good at mimicking the sound with his mouth. An eerie, whispering, scraping sound filled the room. If you hadn't been next to Eddie, where you could see his hand scraping the underside of the table, it would have freaked you out. On your other side, Lucas tensed.

"You hear it from a distance at first," Eddie said, his voice low. "But it's getting closer with every second." He mimicked the clock again. "The sound of magic and of chains."

Gareth shuddered.

"There's chanting around you. Too late, you realized you've stepped into a trap."

Half of the table groaned. Eddie's face lit up with a maniacal grin.

"He enters the clearing, cloaked and whistling." Eddie whistled. Unsteady and menacing, he swept his gaze across the table, making brief eye contact with every single player. "Try as you might, you have not the wits to escape me." His voice was deep and gravelly. Goosebumps broke out on your skin. You'd heard Eddie change his voice time and time again, but it never failed to shock you. "There is no stopping power as great as this."

Eddie locked eyes with you. A thrill went down your spine. "Yet there is always room for improvement. Magic is never satisfied."

"Here we go," Dustin whispered, his hands in white-knuckled fists.

Eddie leaned back. "From his cloak, Vecna draws a dagger. He lifts it into the air. Ritual must be satisfied." He turned to you. "What do you do, dear traveller?"

Your heart stopped. This was different from the lighthearted flirting you'd been doing with the other characters Eddie had pit you and the others against. You knew enough from his summary to know Vecna was not one of his regular, smaller villains, and you knew from the fear from the others around the table there was only one way this was going to go.

"I...try to stall Vecna, try to attack to give the others time to get away," you said after a moment. Eddie paused briefly, something flashing in his eyes. Slowly, he grinned.

"Roll," he said, nodding to the dice he'd set in front of you at the beginning of the game.

Heart in your throat for no apparent reason, you did. You didn't have to look at it to know how it went; you heard the groan of the others around you, heard the soft sound Eddie made, and knew your roll had not been high enough.

"You run at Vecna but are easily caught," Eddie said, and you reopened your eyes. "He puts the dagger at your throat. The others are terrified and trying to decide if they should help or run." He looked at the others. "Well? What do you do?"

You heard them each say that they would try to help, voices trembling. But roll after roll was far too low, so, one by one, they fled.

Eddie turned back to you. "So much for your friends, little one. Perhaps you shall meet them again, when I have killed them, too. He shoves the dagger through you and your world goes black, but not before you..." He made eye contact with you. There was a plea in his gaze. You studied him, saw the exhaustion in him. You glanced at the clock on the wall; the session had been going for nearly three hours. You could tell he was hoping it would be done very soon—and that you had a chance to end it now.

But what did you have to do?

Curse Vecna? Spit in his face? Cleverly not die?

Eddie licked his lips, hiding a mouthed word in the action. Summon.

You sucked in a breath. "I cast a summoning spell."

There's triumph in Eddie's face. "For what?"

You let instinct guide you this time. "Anyone who can help. Anyone who can defeat Vecna."

Eddie's grin was nearly villainous. "Roll, sugar."

You closed your eyes again and let the dice fly from your hands. You waited, not breathing, until you heard it stop roll. Eddie gave a shout of victory.

"Your spell is successful! With your last breath, you summon help from all four corners of the world, and lo and behold, a figure appears in the woods before you. As the world goes black, you see a cloaked man step out from the shadows. He throws back his hood and Vecna sneers. You catch a glimpse of his face as your vision fades to black, and standing above you is your savior—Kas the Bloodyhanded."

Eddie snapped his book shut. The reaction was immediate, his party leaping to their feet, yelling and shouting. You flinched against the wall of noise. Eddie grinned at you.

"Not bad for your second go," he said, voice still low and husky underneath the noise.

You smiled at him. "I hope you're aware I'm not letting you get away with not studying tonight."

He rolled his eyes, but his smile remained. "Of course not."

Dustin finally succeeded in trying to get Eddie's attention by leaning over Lucas and peering around your arm. "What?! Kas? That's insane!"

You leaned out of the conversation, leaving your chair and gathering up the notebooks and pencils you'd left on the floor. You might not have understood everything that was going on in the game, but you enjoyed it nonetheless; the party clearly loved what Eddie had put together just as much as he did. You knew that appreciation was not something Eddie saw often, and you were glad he got it here, at least.

The party stayed longer than they normally did after games, until Steve poked his head through the door and scolded Dustin to get a move-on. The others dispersed quickly after that, until it was just you and Eddie left.

He turned to you with a huge grin. "That was amazing, huh?"

You giggled. "I'll admit I was a little confused, but I'll chalk that up to joining in on a session halfway through your campaign and not your DM'ing skills."

Eddie started his cleanup process, reorganizing the table and putting away everything that wouldn't be needed until the next session. He eyed you. "I'm surprised you got my hints—happy, of course, but surprised, too."

You left your stuff on your chair and helped him clean the table. You shrugged. "I knew you were tired. And you'd explained the campaign up to now well enough, I knew what you meant when you said to summon." You shivered. "But I see now why the boys are always so terrified during games. It's so high-stakes!"

Eddie grinned, and it looked slightly malevolent. "Helps that I'm so intimidating."

"You're joking, but you're absolutely intimidating," you said. "I've never seen you so intense before." You gave him a sly, teasing smile. "Maybe if you applied that to your studying, we'd be in a different state by now."

The smile slid off Eddie's face. Guilt clouded his eyes, and you knew immediately you hadn't come off as joking as you'd like to have.

"Oh, Eddie, I didn't mean... That's not what I wanted it to sound like."

He sighed heavily. "No, but you're right. You could be out of here, at least. I mean, like I was saying earlier—"

You dropped the papers you were holding and cut him off by cupping his face in your hands. His breathing stopped along with his words. You were shaking your heard fiercely.

"That's enough of that, Eddie. I told you I was going to help you graduate, and I am. I'm not leaving you here, Eds. I can't imagine life without you. You have been here for me through everything, and I'm going to to the same for you. Alright?" You ran your thumb across his cheekbone. "You mean the world to me."

He curled his arms around you, tugging you flat to his chest and squeezing tight. "Thank you for believing in me," he whispered, just as he had when you'd first told him you were going to help him graduate. You were just glad this time the words came without tears.

"I've always believed in you," you whispered. "Always."

You pulled back away from him, idly playing with one of his curls. For a moment, it was just the two of you staring at each other, Eddie's big eyes more than a little wet. For a moment, the air between you changed.

Eddie's heart began to pound. He watched your gaze drop briefly from his eyes to his mouth and wondered if it was about to happen. If he'd be brave enough to let it happen.

If he did, his deathbed was a lot closer than he'd thought it was, because he knew kissing you was going to prevent him from breathing for a good hour at least.

But you just smiled at him. "Come on—let's finish up here and go through my old physics notes. You're passing that test tomorrow."

He groaned. "I forgot there was a test tomorrow."

You laughed. "What did you think I was here for?"

"Me."

"Aside from you," you said, poking him in the side. He squirmed away from you.

"Finals, I guess. Something a few weeks away—not tomorrow."

You shrugged. "If you pass your test, you can pass the exam. Hurry it up, Munson."

He wrinkled his nose. "You sound like Harrington and Henderson."

"Well, it is almost nine."

Eddie yawned. "No wonder I'm tired. Alright, come on. Let's go home."

~❊~

Stifling your third yawn of the past ten minutes, you cuddled closer into Eddie's side. The night had turned out to be one of the lazier study sessions, which took place in Eddie's bed. Judging by how tired the two of you had become the moment you sat down amongst his blankets, that had been a mistake.

Sitting up had become laying down. Laying down had become cuddling.

This wasn't new to either of you. For as long as you'd known each other, you had been touchy and physical, growing up mostly touch-starved and finding comfort with each other.

But today, it felt different. Eddie couldn't quite put his finger on why today was different from normal, but even just looking at each other when you were checking to see if he was still paying attention resulted in outbursts of giggles.

And for some reason, he was paying even more attention to the smell of your shampoo than normal as he buried his face in your hair. He sighed softly, mumbled your name, and slid his arm over your stomach, his fingers splaying across your side.

You glanced over at him, putting your notebook back down on your lap. "Hey, you okay? We can stop if you're too tired."

"No," Eddie whined into your hair, pressing closer to you. "'m gonna fail if we stop."

You glanced at your notebook. "What's the equation for kinetic energy, Eds?"

He was quiet for a minute, and then he mumbled, "One half of mass times velocity squared."

"What about gravitational potential energy?"

"Mass times gravity times height."

You closed the notebook and threw it off the bed. "I think you're going to do just fine, Eds." You rolled over and wrapped him in a tight hug. "As long as you remember the equations, you can get through the test."

Though it seemed impossible with how at ease he already was, Eddie relaxed in your arms. He hummed softly and threw his leg over yours, clinging to you.

"You can do it, Eds. I believe in you." Without really knowing what you were doing, you leaned back and bent your neck to kiss his forehead. Your voice dropped to a low whisper. "I believe in you, baby."

He hummed. After a moment, he asked, "Did you just kiss me?"

You thought about it. "Not really," you said. "It wasn't a...a kiss kiss."

Eddie looked up at you, his face so buried in your hair and your shirt that you could only see those pretty eyes of his. "Do you wanna kiss kiss?"

You stared at him. You didn't know why you said it, or what courage possessed you to do so, but you smiled, almost bittersweet, as you said, "I've wanted to kiss kiss you for three years at least, baby."

Eddie whimpered in your arms, eyes growing wide. He wriggled in your arms until you were face to face. He stared at you a moment, lifting his hand to cup your cheek.

"Hi," you whispered, feeling slightly embarrassed now that the words were out.

"Hi." His voice was just as quiet. He brushed his fingers across your face, the touch gentle and loving.

"If you don't feel the same—"

"Of course I feel the same," Eddie said. "Of course I do. How couldn't I?"

You smiled. "Well, you did a bang-up job of hiding it."

"So did you," he murmured. "I've always thought I knew everything about you, but I didn't know that."

You laughed. "I don't know how you didn't know that—I wasn't exactly subtle. Why do you think I wanted to run away with you all these years? You thought I just wanted to go start a whole new life with you just because?"

Eddie huffed. "Well, we can chalk up me not noticing to me being a bit oblivious."

You giggled. "Let's face it, we were both a bit oblivious about our feelings to each other."

"Oh, God, yeah, if I had known you liked me, I would've asked you out back in high school." Eddie brushed your hair out of your face. "So, uh... Can we kiss kiss? Please? Please?"

You giggled. "I like the enthusiasm, Eds."

He whined. "Please?"

"Yes, baby," you whispered. "Kiss me. Kiss me."

Your eyes fluttered closed the instant Eddie's lips touched yours. You held each other's faces as you kissed, a clash of lips and teeth and tongues. You enjoyed the feeling—Eddie's lips were supple and soft, only slightly chapped.

When you broke apart, you smiled. "Your lips are soft."

"Yours are like heaven," Eddie said, pecking them again. "My own personal heaven." He wound his arms around you, tucking himself back into your embrace. "I'm never letting you go now, okay?"

"Oh, believe me, I never want you to." You brushed your hand through his hair, earning a soft, content sigh from him. "Let's get some sleep. And tomorrow morning—you're going to pass your physics test."

"You have such faith in me," he whispered, eyes already closing.

"Of course I do, baby," you whispered, watching him lull himself to sleep in your arms. "Of course I do."

You kissed his nose and let him fall asleep in your arms.

~❊~

You were at Eddie's trailer before he was the next day, when he got out of school. He opened the door with a huge grin on his face, that only got bigger when he saw you waiting for him on his couch.

Before you could even greet him, he flung himself down next to you and whipped out a paper. He gave it to you, practically bouncing with excitement.

It was the physics test—with a big A+ circled at the top of it, the comment of, Wonderful job, Mr. Munson! written underneath.

You squealed. You put the paper down and threw your arms around him, kissing his cheek. "Oh, baby! I knew you could do it! I knew it!" You kissed all over his face. "I'm so proud of you, Eds!"

He pulled you closer to him, meeting for a deep kiss. "All because of you, angel. My sweet angel."

You curled up on the couch together, kissing like your lives depended on it, completely unbothered by the rest of the world or the show that you had put on before Eddie came home. You looped one of your arms around Eddie's neck, bringing a smile to his face.

Neither of you heard the door open. Neither of you saw Wayne walk in and stop the moment he saw the two of you, or the grin that appeared on his face at the sight of his nephew finally kissing the girl he'd been telling Wayne about for years, always with a bittersweet, love-stricken sigh.

The smile was a contained shadow of what it was by the time he said, "Took you two long enough."

You sprang apart, grinning sheepishly, but you both could still see the pride and happiness in Wayne's face, however much he tried to hide it.

You looked back at Eddie, kissing his nose and drawing a giggle from him. "Yeah." You kissed his soft lips. "I've been thinking the same thing."

~❊~

Stranger Things // Eddie Munson

Taglist: {comment and let me know if you'd like to be added to the E.M. taglist!} @ohatropa @lilylilyyyyyy@spencestyles@r-royce@theshiresposts@kaitebugg03@the-chocoholic-writer@noiralei@kennedyraye@yourdailymemedelivery@squidscottjeans@cannonize@sebastianstvn@corrodedcoffn

[herewegobacktomoon]

Okay, I've been trying for two days to ignore all the feelings 6.07 brought up for me, but you all made it kind of impossible with all the edits and GIFs🥲

So here I am, trying to put all the thoughts that have been nagging me out there, hoping that it'll take away some of my pain and if not, it'll make people who believe Maya is just a shitty abusive human being realize how wrong that is.

So, let's start.

The first thing Maya says when she wakes up? She asks where Carina is, she asks for her wife.

I've seen many people commenting that Maya was looking for her because she probably just wanted to get out of there asap, but I don't think it's about that at all.

Take one second, one moment, to look at her.

She just woke up, she's puzzled, she slowly takes in her surrounding, trying to gather her thoughts, to understand what may be going on, until you see a shift behind her eyes.

Teddy talks to her, Jack is there too, she knows she's at Grey Sloan, and that befuddled look turns into a conscious looking for something, or rather someone.

She woke up, in the hospital where her wife works, and Carina is not there.

Maya's not plotting her elopement right now, she just needs her wife, she needs her and to see that Carina's not there has probably sent her on a spiraling of her own.

I might be wrong, obviously, this is just my opinion, but the second scene gives us a lot to think about.

As soon as Jack tells her about Maya, Carina runs to her, terrified.

That "hey", the same exact thing she told her brother when she entered his room after his surgery, might be a coincidence (probably is) but it still gives us an insight on how triggering this can be for Carina, who flies to Maya's side but not without throwing a glance at her stats first.

Carina is understandably worried, but so is Maya.

The slew of sorrys she blurts out speak on its own: she knows her getting hurt is probably one of Carina's worst fears, if not her worst one, and I strongly believe that not seeing her before, as soon as she woke up, had instilled in her the idea that Carina might have been so angry with her that she had left her there, not even daring to come see her.

It's wrong, we know Carina wouldn't leave Maya like that, but in that moment Maya doesn't.

Carina is not Lane, but Maya is too stuck in her head to remember that, and she's terrified.

She's so terrified that the exact moment her wife is by her side, she clings to her with everything she has. And right there, that's Maya needing her wife, wanting her close.

She knows she needs her, she knows it's bad, Carina doesn't yet, but Maya is aware what happened in order for her to fall.

She simply can't bring herself to accept that, so she denies it.

And that's when she asks Carina to be discharged.

The tone of her voice, her eyes... she's trying to talk Carina into this: she's not manipulative, she's just trying to get things to go her way, as we all do.

And Carina is starting to get a bigger image of the situation, but there are still some pieces left to the puzzle.

And it's shown perfectly in the scene right after that one.

When Maya brings up wanting to be discharged again, Carina's answer shows us that she still doesn't have a full picture of all this.

"You've been doing too much", she says but the problem is that it's worse than that. It's way worse.

Maya didn't just "do too much": she's being reckless, putting her life at risk in more than one occasion, overexerting herself even when she knows she's in pain (like the treadmill scene, which has so many meanings), but Carina doesn't know that and she doesn't realise it either.

She jokes about it, she brings up Maya's Olympics and her bragging, something Maya always did to show how good she was at embracing the pain, at overcoming it.

She always used it as a demonstration of her stubbornness and her willpower, and by using it as an example, we know that it's what Carina thinks this is about too: Maya being stubborn.

It's when Maya says that she needs to get back to work, because there was a call and she was supposed to help her team that something starts to feel wrong.

"I need to get back to work" Maya's voice is shaking, the walls are cracking again.

"I'm fine" she insists when Carina disagrees, shaking her head, her voice trembling again, but we can see that she's trying so hard not to break down, and when Carina brings up "the help" Maya needs, the walls fly back up.

She feels constricted, having no control, and in one of her most vulnerable moments, Carina brings up the thing she's been avoiding for months now, and as a consequence, she feels attacked.

So Maya snaps, her defenses shutting Carina out once again.

Maya snaps and Carina flinches, abruptly getting up.

As triggering as this moment is for her, considering her past with her father or at least, the little we can assume for what we saw and heard here and there mostly on Grey's, we can see realisation dawning on her.

The puzzle is not complete, but another piece has just fallen into her hands.

The look on her face (I can't stress enough how fucking amazing Stefania's acting is, every single time) speaks volume once again.

Maya is not herself.

She's not scared of her wife, but she's terrified of where her Maya has gone, and how far that distance has now grown, irreparably.

It's not the first time Maya snapped at her in the last period, but never, ever like this, not even on the rooftop scene.

She's starting to understand that no matter what she does, the help Maya needs is way bigger than the capacity of what she can do for her.

It's not until she talks with Jack that the puzzle is complete.

Watching it for the first time live, kinda got me angry, because I could tell Carina was processing, slowly making a decision, and I hated how Jack was apparently making it about him, but I have to thank some people on twitter who shared their thoughts and made me see it slightly differently.

So, while I would still have probably made him ask her how she felt, or how it went, something that Carina probably wouldn't have even needed to answer to, ( I'm telling you a sigh would have been more than enough, explicative in itself considering the situation), I believe this scene was a turning point.

Carina realized Maya wasn't just being stubborn.

At first, I was surprised at how Jack was so straightforward, angry at his lack of delicacy, considering how Carina already lost many people she loved , especially her brother, but after many, many rewatches, I came to realize that it was probably the aim of the whole thing.

To draw a parallel, at least in Carina's head, something stirring through her traumas and forcing her to make a decision, more drastic than everything she had considered so far.

A decision Maya feels betrayed by.

Maya was hoping to be discharged, but teddy and Carina tell her she's basically being 5150ed.

Now, for all the people that like me aren't too familiar with US laws, 5150 is a law code for a temporary, involuntary, psychiatric commitment for people who present a mental illness that leads them to be a danger to themselves, being considered unstable.

And while it doesn't excuse AT ALL Maya's behaviour, or bringing up Andrew's death, it EXPLAINS why she would feel that way.

Maya's not okay and we can see that very clearly, but she doesn't want to admit it.

"let me go home, we can figure this out" and then "you can help me, at home".

That pause between "you can help me" and "at home"? A whole line. (Danielle's acting as well...a masterpiece)

Her voice breaks again, and what I love about this part is the rollercoaster we go through as she expresses her emotions.

She's terrified, she's so afraid and tears are pricking at her eyes, but as soon as she feels that fear getting too loud, she tries to overshadow it with anger.

She felt like she had no control as she lay in that bed, and the 5150 took away the last bit of it she thought she still had.

She's a loose cannon now and Carina's standing right in her trajectory.

So she brings up Andrew.

His death and Carina's need for space, which was a whole different story, to Maya right now it isn't.

In a conlicting way, I'm convinced she didn't bring it up to hurt Carina.

She doesn't want to hurt her or to reopen her wounds even if that's what happens (I'll talk about it in a sec) : it's her twisted way to tell Carina what she needs, that she needs love and support, but that she doesn't feel it.

In a very twisted way, it's Maya letting out what we already knew she feared: that Carina wasn't on her side anymore, or worse, she no longer loved her as before.

Is it devastatingly painful? Without a doubt.

Even more knowing that it was exactly what Carina was doing in that moment: loving her beyond herself.

Carina has tried to help Maya, and she wouldn't let her in, but now that Maya is saying that she "can help her", Carina knows it wouldn't be enough.

And she knows that probably Maya wouldn't listen either, not when she's having psychotic breakdown, being convinced that she's fine, perfectly fit to go back to work.

That's why the 5150.

What Maya think is them taking control away from her, it's Carina doing everything in her power to protect her, taking over the control Maya has long lost.

When Maya brings up Andrew, we can see her face twist in pain, the memory and the accusation too raw to leave her unaffected.

But what Maya doesn't know is that she is Andrew, right now, but we, from outside, can see the similarities perfectly, even in their struggles.

So, when she sees Carina walking away, she panics.

"If you walk out that door, we're done."

It's supposed to be a threat, but Maya's voice betrays her.

She chokes on her words, on her tears, cracking up once again, letting us see how terrified she is.

But she doesn't want that, so she repeats that statement, her tone now angrier, but not in the slightest less scared.

And then Carina's words, the love behind them hitting like an uncontrollable force, crash against Maya's walls, destroying everything they find.

"I lose you either way, Bella. I'd rather lose you and have you be alive".

That is the most selfless act of love Carina could do in that moment.

Leaving Maya shatters her, Maya is her home and she's watching her collapse, but she knows that her arms aren't strong enough to put the pieces back together right now.

Maya needs help and Carina does too.

And by walking away, Carina is making sure that Maya isn't Andrew.

We know it's not, but she's probably still convinced it was her fault, that by letting him on that train, she failed him.

By believing that she could help him, that if she was there he would be okay, she probably thinks that she was delusional.

And what happened is that Andrew died.

He died and Carina is afraid that by doing the same with Maya, by being sure that she could make it work, that she could fix it, things would have inevitably ended the same.

So she walks out of the room.

She doesn't walk out on their marriage, or on Maya: she's taking a step back to let Maya realize that the help she needs right now is a work she needs to do herself.

She's also setting a boundary, something that she knows she needs to keep her own trauma at bay.

But Maya's screams are probably more haunting than any of the ghosts from her past.

I honestly can't choose what was the most painful thing to hear.

When Maya threw that threat at Carina, she was sure, so sure that she would have stayed that when Carina "left", she shattered, with no restraint. (Except from teddy's arms, lol)

The trembling, pleading, repeated "Carina", the "I can't -", with the hand grabbing at her neck, her strangled voice as she chokes on her own screams and tears, on the verge of a panic attack as we hear her monitor beeping uncontrollably.

The "how could you", screamed with such a raw pain that you have to listen to it more than once to actually catch all the nuances behind it.

She's screaming, crying, breaking down because Carina has left.

I honestly have a hard time believing how every person that has watched this scene, even just once, can think that Maya doesn't love her, or that she doesn't deserve her.

She's crumbling, piece after piece, cracking as the pain excruciatingly overflows out of her lungs, and people still have the courage to say she's mean, abusive and undeserving of love.

And I'm glad Carina proves you all wrong.

Because she stays.

Maya doesn't see her, and she could run, she could run away from Maya's gut wrenching screams, but she stays there, crying with her, as shattered as her.

And then she covers her ears.

And although it was an incredibly intelligent improvisation, it's not casual.

She covers her ears when Maya chokes out a "Get back here", because she can't deal with all this pain, she can't bear it, and hearing Maya asking for her to come back, agonizing, would probably be enough to make her walk back inside.

And now that Carina is no longer there, we can see that Maya's more lost than ever, hollow, nothing but a shell of a person.

But ironically enough, this gives me hope.

It gives me hope because we all know the extent of the issue now, everyone has caught up, or at least Carina has and Maya did too.

For how painful and emotionally heavy it was to witness, I'm positive that Carina walking away is the first step that needed to be taken to be able to walk towards change, and eventually, the light.

Now if you've made it so far, I'm honestly so sorry for you lol, but I really needed to get it off of my chest or it would have haunted me the same way Maya's screams have been replaying in my head🙃

This is my silly, personal opinion, nothing more: I don't want neither to impose my thoughts on others nor to tell you how to feel about stuff, and I'd love if this starts a conversation.

But there's one thing I'm gonna ask you, something I can no longer stand: stop hating on Maya.

By writing this post, I strongly hope you were able to understand why everything is happening, why she's reacting like that; I hope it gave you a new insight.

So stop with the mean comments, cause words won't hurt her (it's sad, I know, but she's a fictional character), but they will hurt people who read them and struggle with the same issues.

I'm usually not fazed by this stuff, let alone if said by people I don't know, but I can tell you that reading some of your comments, the lack of empathy and coherence of thought of some people had me feeling very discouraged.

I'm not telling you to love Maya, nor to like her.

I'm not telling you to excuse her behaviours.

I'm telling you to try and understand.

And if that's too hard for you, if you tried but you can't empathize with someone struggling with their mental issues, I'm kindly asking you not to choose hate, and trust me: your silence is way more respectful than your words.

It's as simple as that.

[my-supernatural-rewatch]

Episode One: Pilot

Dean Winchester in the pilot episode of Supernatural

So I'm most likely not going to get too deep into the weeds with the episode plots unless it's really important to what I'm writing about. But I'll give a synopsis if for no other reason than to remind myself.

After John Winchester witnesses his wife die in a supernatural event, he raises his infant son Sam and four-year-old son Dean in a life training like “warriors” to fight off the things that go bump in the night, hoping to find the entity that killed his wife in the process. Despite Sam's attempt to lead a normal life in college, he is drawn back into the supernatural world when Dean arrives to inform him that their father is missing. Following cryptic clues left in a disturbing voicemail from their father, the brothers journey to a small town where they confront a vengeful spirit known as the "Woman in White.”

From the get-go, Dean is already put-upon. We do get to see John be a soft dad for a moment when he walks into the bedroom, smiles at Dean and lets him jump into his arms, asking him if he thinks Sam is ready to start tossing around a football. Then things go dark and by the time John is on the floor staring at Mary burning into the ceiling, the softness is pretty much gone. To his credit, he stops freaking out about Mary long enough to grab the baby as Dean enters the bedroom...and then it starts.

After basically throwing the six-month-old at the four-year-old, John barks:

"Take your brother outside as fast as you can and don't look back! Now, Dean, go!"

And Dean's lifetime of obligation to Sam's well-being begins with him reassuring the baby, "It's okay, Sammy."

(It will always irritate me that John, seeing Mary on the fucking CEILING burning up, didn't just grab both kids and run. What did he think he was going to do in those moments?)

To John's credit, he does end up hauling ass out of the house in time to grab Dean who runs out of the house and then, as a four-year-old would, just kind of stands there waiting for the house to explode on him and his brother.

The last time we see John in this episode, he's huddled with his sons watching his house burn down with a look on his face that relays he is not the same man we were introduced to earlier.

(Jeffrey Dean Morgan does a great job of conveying how John changed without all that much screen time or dialogue in this episode.)

And now here we are 22 years later and Sam is all grown up with a sexy and supportive girlfriend and ready to embark on his life in law school, probably on a free ride no less, because he aced the LSAT's and is such a smarty pants.

But, alas, here comes trouble. The reason all the Sam girls blame Sam's life turning out the way it did: big brother Dean.

There are a few things in the episode that they kind of hammer over your head, and the main one is what Dean's personality is supposed to be. He's established from the beginning as comedic relief. A bit of a wild card, and a bit of a lech. (I mean he practically drools while looking at Jessica, his brother's live-in girlfriend, while she's in her pajamas and basically hits on her right in front of Sam.)

The first thing he does is tell Sam he was looking for a beer. (Establishing his drinking habit.)

Which, now I'm going to digress for a moment. On two different occasions in this episode, Sam makes snide remarks about John drinking. Once to Dean when he says John is probably on the "Miller Time shift" and the other when he tells Jessica that John is probably in his cabin "with Jim, Jack, and Jose."

In the very first episode they establish John has a drinking problem. Do they ever pick back up on this? Guess I'm going to find out.

One other thing about Sam, while he and Dean are leaving the apartment to talk in private, they are talking, and Sam gets all the pertinent lines to let the viewers know what happened between us seeing John with the boys and Dean showing up at Sam's placel

This exposition is almost comical in its obviousness.

SAM: I swore I was done hunting. For good.

DEAN: Come on. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't that bad.

SAM: Yeah? When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a forty-five.

DEAN: Well, what was he supposed to do?

SAM: I was nine years old! He was supposed to say, don't be afraid of the dark.

DEAN: Don't be afraid of the dark? Are you kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark. You know what's out there.

SAM: Yeah, I know, but still. The way we grew up, after Mom was killed, and Dad's obsession to find the thing that killed her. But we still haven't found the damn thing. So we kill everything we can find.

DEAN: We save a lot of people doing it, too.

Listen, I get we need exposition but jeez this is... a lot.

Anyway, back to Dean.

We get the first reference to living an apple pie life from him, directed at Sam with as much disdain as he can muster. But then soon after, while still trying to convince Sam to go with him to find John, he reminds his brother that he has essentially left him alone for the last two years by saying:

"You know, in almost two years I've never bothered you, never asked you for a thing."

He left Sam alone because he wanted him to have that life. He wanted Sam to have a girlfriend, and an education, and a good job that didn't involve monsters. And you can't convince me differently.

That sincerity is what convinces Sam to go with Dean...it reinforced what he said to Sam earlier when Sam told him he could do it on his own. He looked down sheepishly and admitted:

"Yeah, well, I don't want to."

Many look at this as Dean already triggering codependency with Sam but I look at it as someone who spent the majority of their life taking care of their little brother and then making the difficult decision to let him go for those two years. Now the only family he had around him is missing and he wants his brother to help find him because, sure, he can do it on his own, but he wants family around him. Dean has always wanted family around him.

This is where I mention that there might be references to wincest in some of these posts. I personally do not see wincest in any of these episodes but there are some where fandom lore might come into play. I'm not planning on it, but it could happen.

And now:

Another Dean trait that is established in the pilot is his love for junkfood. Sam of course shows his usual disdain but, think about it, it makes perfect sense. Sam has just spent the last four years at Stanford with a goddamn meal plan while Dean is living out of motels and the Impala (not yet christened "Baby"). Of COURSE Dean is going to be living off of crap.

Sam's scorn for Dean scamming credit cards and listening to classic rock on cassette sets us up for 15 seasons of him judging Dean for both doing what he has to in order to survive and just enjoying things. For fuck's sake, the two songs in this episode are Back in Black and Highway to Hell. It was AC/DC. It's not like Dean was listening to ABBA and The Bay City Rollers.*

Sam is a judgy jackass from the very beginning and that is one thing that absolutely didn't change over time.

Sam's belief that he's superior to Dean is also reflected in the library when it is Dean initially doing the internet search and Sam forcefully takes over. I'm reminded watching this that the very first time I watched the pilot, I did so with three other women and we all decided early on if we were Sam or Dean girl's and three of us chose Dean. Sam being a consistent dildo to Dean in this episode was one of the reasons I chose Dean.

*I do not pop music shame and we find out later in the series that neither does Dean.

In the first scene on the bridge, long before he gets arrested, Dean shows a disdain for the cops and the FEDS that Sam obviously doesn't share. It's always been interesting to me how this changed over time most likely because Dean realized a lot of the time the cops could be more helpful than hurtful. I'll have to keep an eye on that too.

Another aspect of Dean's personality they establish in this episode that sticks with him for the duration of the series is his genuine desire to hunt the monsters and save people. He is determined to keep digging to figure out what is happening to the men who are disappearing, even though the idea was to be looking for their father. Meanwhile, Sam just wants to go back to Stanford.

While they discuss Sam returning to school, it is Dean who points out how unhealthy it is for Sam to lie to Jessica about who he is. When Sam was leaving to go with Dean, we see he still kept weapons at school. Weapons Jessica obviously didn't know about even while living with him. Sam has been deceitful his entire time in Stanford, much like Dean has to be in order to be a hunter. But Sam is deceiving people he knows and cares about while Dean deceives strangers, yet Sam is the one who thinks he holds the higher ground.

And then Sam's shittiness really comes into play when he basically complains about avenging Mary's death by saying that if it wasn't for pictures he wouldn't even know what Mary looked like and that finding the thing that killed her wouldn't bring her back.

It's clear in this scene that he's saying these things specifically to upset Dean - and boy does it work. Dean practically throws Sam off the bridge.

But he doesn't. Instead, the Women in White chases them across the bridge using the Impala as her weapon. And to remind us that Dean is there for comic relief, Dean ends up in the drink covered in mud and guck while Sam doesn't fall into the water and is still squeaky clean.

I really hate how they tried to force Dean to be Daffy fucking Duck or something and I'm glad it didn't last for too long.

After getting out of the guck, Dean screams that the Woman in White is a BITCH and it's a reminder that as much as I love this show, and make no mistake, I do, the fucking misogyny early on is really prevalent and fucking annoying. (I omitted writing about Dean calling Sam a bitch after Sam calls him a jerk because the jerk/bitch thing pissed me off from the first time I heard it and I choose not to relive it or dwell on it.)

We get our first "No chick flick moments" when all Sam tried to do was apologize for saying shitty things about their parents. It didn't work for me only in that an apology isn't exactly a chick flick moment but upon reflecton at that point in Dean's life ( 26-years-old and always having lived under John's thumb) an apology absolutely would seem like that...definitely a sign of weakness to John Winchester.

Dean getting picked up by the cops and quipping that the one thing about him that isn't fake is his boobs actually made me laugh out loud. Sure it's a comic relief bit again, but it's also quintessential Dean Winchester and I loved it.

Randomly, I loved the look on Dean's face when he saw John's journal. Really conveyed that something must be wrong if it was there but John wasn't. It also didn't go unnoticed by me that when Sam drives the car into the Woman in White's house, Dean is less concerned with the status of the car and much more concerned with Sam being okay. (Once it is established that Sam is okay, Dean tells him he'd have to kill him if he hurt the car...but his initial response was to worry about Sam.)

I loved the poetry of baby Sam getting bled on while Mary is on the ceiling at the beginning of the episode and adult Sam getting bled on while Jessica is on the ceiling near the end of the episode.

But more poetic? Dean having to be the one to take his brother to safety 22 years after he did it the first time. He's always going to be responsible for Sam no matter what goes on between them. And while I know a lot of people love that about the show, I think it's tragic.

Some notes for posterity:

They didn't have to do anything elaborate to get rid of their first monster. Sam literally just had to drive her home.

Sam turns into John at the end of this episode. From sweet boyfriend to vengeful man. They tried for years to make us think it was Dean who was more like John, but Dean nails it in a future episode when he tells Sam it's him, not Dean.

The significant music from this episode comes from AC/DC: Back in Black and Highway to Hell. Both great picks if not a bit obvious, Mr. Kripke. (Also "Ramblin' Man" by The Allman Brothers Band at the gas station)

The brothers pose as Federal Marshals in this episode but don't give names. When they speak to the victim's girlfriend, they pretend to be his uncles and give her their real first names without last names. And when Dean gets arrested, he tells the cop, who ends up deducing that his name is actually Dean, that is name is Ted Nugent.

This is the first episode in which Dean gets arrested

This is also the first episode in which Dean makes a movie reference "We talkin', like, misdemeanor kind of trouble or, uh, squeal like a pig trouble?" (The film referenced is Deliverance)

And this is one of a handful of episodes where Sam drives the Impala without it being mentioned that it's odd for Sam to do so or that Dean doesn't want him to.

This hunt takes place in Jericho, California.

Dean grabs John's jacket from the abandoned motel room and wears it for the remainder of the episode.

We got a "Sam!" in this episode.

Recognizable Guest Stars in this episode: Steve Railsback and Sarah Shahi

[mask131]

You know, I stopped regularly watching Doctor Who sometimes after the Silence arc, and I still kept looking casually and randomly at DW throughout all the following years, plus the Internet discourse one cannot escape. That's the kind of territory where you can't help but being spoiled all the big twist without knowing what any of the small or filler episodes are about.

But I didn't stop watching DW out of hatred or dislike or anything. It is just that, at the time, I didn't have time to watch it and you know, I needed a pause, so I did, and I never fully dedicated myself to it again. Yet now I feel I can do for one specific reason.

The Internet.

I watched Doctor Who back in an era I will call the pre-Internet era. Not that Internet wasn't there (in fact the Silence arc episodes I watched on DAILYMOTION back when there still was daily releases of subbed Doctor Who episodes ~ ah the glory days), but I wasn't involved in it so much, and in return Internet wasn't involved so much in shows, and it was long before the entire concepts of fandoms and hatedoms became like an actual thing in people's minds. So I had this very intimate, personal, directly me-to-the-show experience with Doctor Who, at first on TV, then on my computer screen but still without people's comments or long analysis posts or Twitter hot takes bothering me in any way.

And I am glad I "skipped" so to speak an entire Doctor Who era precisely because how insane and fractured and warfaring the DW fandom became, and how people who don't know two shits about DW suddenly declare themselves "expert reviewers".

The funniest thing I see is probably this endless cycle that keeps being repeated again and again: new Doctor comes out, suddenly everybody masses against them to hate it with all of their heart ; then another new Doctor comes out, and suddenly people look more fondly on the previous one and start saying "Okay, this season wasn't so bad, people really were too harsh, turns out there were very cool things in it!", only to throw all of their hatred onto the next Doctor... which then gets redeemed when the NEXT Doctor comes in, and this is a cycle that just KEEPS REPEATING ITSELF. For many it started with the Capaldi era, and then the cycle solidifed itself with the Whittaker and most recently Gatwa eras...

But trust me, it was there before. It was there with the Smith era - which I live through and myself felt a bit just because of how attached we were with Tennant Doctor ; and even before it was there with the TENNANT ERA. Not many people recall this because a lot of the outspoken people who "love" or "hate" the show today are from more recent generations of the show, but back when Eccleston was changed to Tennant, people thought it would be the death of this reboot, as many loved Eccleston and didn't have any hope or liking for Tennant - who wasn't back then as much of a famous and loved actor as he is today.

But that's another thing with the Internet as a whole - because yes, the way fandoms and hatedoms speak is like brainwashed cultists who somehow all share one hive-mind and I don't feel anything wrong with talking about the Internet as a whole in an era where individuality seems to be concept gone out of the window. Internet has a short-term memory. In fact you can clearly see it with a lot of plot points or tonal elements or character writing that people complain or hate about modern Doctor Who... AND WHICH WERE THERE IN OLDER DOCTOR WHO. People keep treating "old" DW as this sort of "ever-serious, extremely deep, dark and complex" thing, except they might forget that it was also very much seen as an extravagant, bizarre, nonsensical, corny sci-fi show. In fact, the way some people complain about the "good old days of DW" literaly feels like these people never watched the show and came up in their head with a whole different series.

And what is the "old" DW you ask? Literaly every DW season that is before, oh let's say Capaldi era, and even this one starts getting classified in the "good ol' classic DW" sometimes. There was a time, long ago, where the "old" DW was anything before the reboot. But now, with all the people that think the reboot is the only DW there ever was, "old DW" can literaly be all that came before the season you are watching now.

I remember complaining about the "fantasy" elements being brought up for example in more recent seasons, making it "unbelievable" "unlike the old classic DW". YOU REMEMBER WHEN THE DOCTOR WAS HEALED BY THE POWER OF LOVE, during his first great battle against the Master in the reboot? When Tennant's doctor literaly was rejuvenated by just enough people speaking his name? So much so for the "hardcore sci-fi DW" you're trying to sell us.

Sorry but I HAD to let this specific one be shouted because seriously a lot of people seem to have literal BLANKS over any part of the Tennant-and-before eras that doesn't fit their bizarre DW ideal, and I do believe that if one of the old seasons, even just the first season of the reboot, was aired today as the "next Doctor Who" a lot of people would complain about it not being as good as "before".

So anyway all of that being said in this unhinged rant, I think I have let enough years go by so that I can, once again, rewatch full seasons of Doctor Who absolutely unbothered by any Internet talk because that's the other beauty of the Internet - when something is more than, I'll be generous, two years old everybody just stops speaking about it, and it is SUCH a relief of mental pollution!

And in this day and age, when you are on the Internet, it is such a rare opportunity to be able to watch something without being flooded by other people's opinions who want to convince you theirs is the sole and only one, and shout in your hear until you have no place to think for yourself.

[pttucker]

Okay, so, I've been thinking about some of my more recent posts and have started to combine them with some of my older posts and think I've come up with another theory that I want to throw out into the wild while we've still got like 40% of the novel left to go.

Well, actually it's not really a new theory for me per se, but I think I've finally cemented it whereas in the past I've had vague suspicions. Which has resulted in another giant post.

tl;dr: there are three stories in the novel, with the novel itself being Dokja's story and I think by the end Dokja will realize that he's inside ORV itself in a sort of Neverending Story kind of way, the Fourth Wall is between him and our world (and maybe also him and TWSA), and that the true Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint belongs to us.

So, anyway, I recently made a post about Han Sooyoung being the author of TWSA and overall I think this current arc we're going through right now is another major allegory / foreshadow for how the characters relate to TWSA, just like the Peace Land arc. But thinking on it some more, I think this arc (and possibly also Peace Land) is also showing how they relate to ORV itself.

Like, I actually even specifically said that certain passages relate to the overall plot of ORV such as this one—

Regrettably, there was no guarantee of the work ending up as a success even if the author did an excellent job. – Time to start our attack, Yoo Joonghyuk. Because the ones to complete the story were the 'Characters', not the author, that's why.

—and I think by taking that just a tiny step further, in combination with other clues, ORV itself will end up being almost a Neverending Story type of deal. Not necessarily with Dokja trying to talk to us like Sebastian and the Childlike Empress, but literally just realizing that he's a character in a novel.

Which is something Dokja has technically already realized, and maybe even unconsciously accepted, not only because of the above passage where he lowkey calls himself a character but also because he's seen that he's listed as a character when he messed around with the Fourth Wall (more on that later) and we have no idea if he recently became one or if he's always been a character and didn't realize it.

Unrestrained questions flooded my head. Why did I get this story here? What was the relationship between that story and being called a character? Was I now a character or was I still a reader? I… Was I still able to change the future?

However, I think the big reveal for Dokja is going to be not that he's a character but that the novel is not TWSA but instead ORV.

In fact, I know I've been using "TWSA" as kind of a shorthand for the world that Dokja is now in, with the scenarios and Joonghyuk and such, as compared to the "real world" he was in before as a company worker, but technically speaking TWSA is not Dokja's story. He is not inside TWSA. TWSA still exists as a completely separate text that he has access to and every time he looks at the revisions of TWSA they are still Joonghyuk's story. They go all the way up to the 1863rd round, and while Dokja is in the TWSA revisions, that's because Dokja is a part of Joonghyuk's story in the third round.

And speaking of the revisions, I kind of breezed past this in the tags of another post but Dokja got the Final Revision immediately after thinking to himself that he wants "an author" to tell him that he did good, that it's all going to work out in the end, that he's made the right choices. At the time I thought that perhaps Sooyoung could be the author of the revisions but now I don't think so anymore.

Going back through the text, the First Revision appeared when Dokja was dying in the Industrial Complex and he wanted to read TWSA to try to figure out if there was any sort of hope to fix things without having to ruin his story by killing innocent people. (And honestly he wasn't in any shape to kill people even if he wanted to at that point.) The Second Revision came after he abandoned Breaking the Sky Sword Saint to fight the outer god alone and felt like crap because of it (to be fair she shoved him through the portal while he was still trying to convince her to come) and he and Joonghyuk had a mini-conversation about what to do after and all Dokja could think of is to just keep struggling as best they can.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that all of the revisions have come when Dokja is at an extremely low point, floundering, trying to have someone tell him what to do, tell him that he's made the right choices, etc. Except not once has he actually said anything to anyone in the story around him. He didn't actually end up asking Sooyoung if he did the right thing; he wanted her to tell him it's going to be okay but he only thought it. Just like every other time the revisions have appeared. Almost like they came from someone else who can see what he's going through right then and knows he needs a little help...

Also, back when Sooyoung's version of the story first appeared, I was a little confused by the (First) after it, thinking that maybe Joonghyuk only had the first part of the story, but then later we see that Joonghyuk has 『Han Sooyoung – Records of the 1863rd turn (Last)』.

So now I don't think Sooyoung is writing the TWSA revisions, even if I do think she wrote the original TWSA, and I think that her story is also getting revised as she changes it because she is also a character in which "the ones to complete the story were the 'Characters', not the author" applies.

And speaking of the stories, I kind of went off on a sort of three, three, three tangent in the Sooyoung post, but I realize now that that can be taken even further. There's three unknown beings still left in ORV (Secretive Plotter, Oldest Dream, TWSA's Author), there's three protagonists in both TWSA and ORV, there's three people involved in a novel (Reader, Writer, Character), and there's three ways to the survive the apocalypse. Which, TWSA lists those ways as Regressor, Returnee, and Reincarnator.

But, technically, aren't we also seeing three ways to survive the apocalypse right now? Joonghyuk's way in TWSA, Han Sooyoung's way in her diary, and Dokja's way in ORV itself. Not to mention, now that I think about it, we have Regressor Joonghyuk, Returnee Dokja, and now Reincarnator Sooyoung...

Three separate stories, all sort of TWSA but not technically, more like they're all different versions of the same story. And the dokkaebi's have recently started talking about "which story will you choose" (talking to Bihyung btw, who's been helping Dokja all this time...) and everyone else in ORV keeps going on about a Single Story and how they're all vying for their true story and ending. And how maybe the true story/ending has finally come. Because this particular timeline is going through Dokja's story...which is ORV.

And too when I had the post about the "failed stories" I wondered if maybe it was foreshadowing for ORV ending in tragedy (and maybe that's still true) but also now that I think about the "failed stories" and how both Sooyoung's story and Joonghyuk's story could be considered the "failed stories" in a loose way. Granted, we don't currently know how those stories actually ended since ORV started off with Dokja waiting for the epilogue and the 1863rd ending was disrupted by Dokja, though Dokja has been pretty heavily implying that at least TWSA ended in tragedy up to the epilogue. And with the Single Story it's possible that all three of them will end up combined in the end of ORV itself.

Especially since we don't know what happened to 1864th Joonghyuk. It's possible we may see him again at the end of ORV. Also, I just realized that Joonghyuk stopped being a character when he moved past what was written in his personal story but, atm at least, he's also past ORV's story since we haven't seen him since and Dokja has no way of knowing what's going on with him.

On the topic of endings and epilogues, Dokja has been less and less willing to read TWSA as he starts living his own story and has finally outright said that he doesn't think his epilogue will be in the file. And, yeah, if Dokja's story is ORV then his epilogue would be ORV's epilogue. And ORV does have one. Even though I don't read the chapter titles ahead of time due to spoilers, I did notice when I looked to see how many total chapters ORV has that the last one had the word "epilogue" in the title.

And that's not even getting into Dokja casually stating that the novel is a lie. Which is very interesting.

And of course, there's the infamous moment where (while Dokja is sleeping I might add) the Fourth Wall starts telling the 1863rd Joonghyuk Dokya's story and it literally starts reciting the opening passages of ORV itself. And I'm pretty sure that when Sangah shoved him into it, he once again saw Dokja's story (ORV) just due to the fact that he zeroed in on not just Secretive Plotter, who doesn't appear in TWSA, but specifically all the things Secretive Plotter did in regards to and with Dokja.

In fact, as Dokja messes around with his Fourth Wall more and more, it becomes more and more sentient and present in Dokja's story (ORV) and he starts seeing things that perhaps he, as a character of ORV, was never meant to see, such as the fact that he's a character or that the Fourth Wall goes from simply blocking mental attacks to narrating Dokja's actions, reflecting his thoughts, etc. Just like ORV does for us readers.

I've actually briefly contemplated in the past that perhaps the Fourth Wall isn't necessarily protecting Dokja from the elements of TWSA, but in fact protecting him from the outside world (relevant part quoted below)—

Oh man, what if that's what it means by Fourth Wall? Instead of Dokja being a real person and the Fourth Wall existing because he knows he's not part of the novel, what if he's a character and the Fourth Wall is actually the barrier between him and the real world where the author lives? In which case, the being behind the Fourth Wall could be the author (or the reader!) of Dokja's story.

—and I then later began to wonder if it might be our world and not just some random third world inside the story of ORV, and I really do think that's the case now. Or it could be both! If I'm reading a comic about Batman who's reading a comic about Spider-Man, both I and Batman have a Fourth Wall between us and the fictional world we're reading about, ergo Batman has a Fourth Wall working both ways. (Ignore past Marvel/DC Comics team ups, pretty sure those aren't considered canon lol.)

And this is not only because of the fact that the Fourth Wall is acting more and more like a narrator (or like the third-person text of ORV) but that Dokja reacts so poorly to it going down. Sure, the first time the Fourth Wall went down a million constellations tried to attack him so that caused him issues, but later when he took down a little bit of it for the giants he was in a place with only his most trusted constellations who didn't seem to make any attempt to attack him and he only opened it up a teeny tiny amount and yet he still was physically wrecked. I don't think that he would be that affected by now by the elements of TWSA, especially since he literally learned he was a character and was freaked out for a moment but didn't have this big world-ending crisis...like he might if he attempted to connect to our world. Also, Dokja still hasn't gone back to the idea of using ORV on himself...

And on that topic, I know that I've kind of joked before that Dokja is the most oblivious person ever for someone who also happens to be able to read various characters' minds and see their actions, but honestly speaking there are tons of parts of ORV that are from other POVs that Dokja has never and likely will never see. I actually started tracking them about a hundred chapters back and we get a different POV, even if it's just a few paragraphs, almost every third or fourth chapter. And they're all from the third-person POV, just like how the Fourth Wall speaks.

Meaning that the true omniscient reader's viewpoint is ours.

PS: a very weak "clue" that I'm not really "officially" including is also the fact that The World After The Fall is mentioned as a book that Dokja has read and that's a real webnovel written by the same authors as ORV. I'm not really counting that since I do understand the concept of a cheeky little cameo but it could still be fun to at least acknowledge the possibility that it's something that secretly indicates that Dokja is maybe a little more connected with our world than any of the others.

PPS: I think if I find time this weekend I'm gonna go back through at tag everything or make a list of all my posts or something. Trying to find links for this majorly sucked and I just kind of gave up at points lmfao.

[fairyniceyeah]

Request list for Fairy

sorted by date but not necessarily the order I'll write them

if you see I forgot to put your request here, please let me know so I can keep track of it!

⌛ 24.04.2024 - @dudadragneel

And the other one is smth I saw on Twitter today about how San tried to enjoy Coachella with the others but he'd get overwhelmed because there were too many people and he'd go back to the car to calm down (and this made my mind go places)

⌛ 16.05.2024 - Anon

Hi hi hi hi! I just read your Yunho fic and it was so cute 🥰🥰🥰🥰 you mentioned in it a tummy bug that has hit the group in that fic and I was thinking maybe that would make a good fic cuz I want to know what happened 👁️👄👁️

💎 21.06.2024 - @forever-atiny

Can I request day 21 of June of Doom from Woozi's perspective? ❤️

💎 14.07.2024 - Anon

hiii can you do a fic of seungkwan getting airsickness during the flight on nana tour & throws up a lot and is dizzy but the members (mainly jeonghan and dk) and na pd help him out

🧭 15.07.2024 - Anon In your last post about Seungnim there was a thing in the beginning of the fic where Chan was so worried and anxious because he thought he didn't know his dongsaeng got hurt...and he is so scared that he misses when one of the younger members are sick or sad without him knowing and I want to request a story with one of the members working to exhaustion without Chan knowing and he finds out when its to late... 02.10.2024 - Anon Love the idea of a younger member working themselves to exhaustion and hiding it from themselves and the other members/older members and then the members find out when its almost to late...

💎 20.09.2024 - Anon

Hi can we maybe get a migraine fic with Seventeen, you can choose someone from the maknae line and then any caretaker 😊

P.S LOVEEE YOUR WORK❤️

Inspirations

27.05.2024 - @dudadragneel

What about sick during an interview? That's been sitting on my mind for a while....

I don't know if you want an specific plot but I had a dream once (me and my sickfic-driven brain):

It's quite simple actually but maybe they start feeling sick as the interview goes on and they try to tell someone discreetly. Maybe they manage to get out of the place with an excuse, helped by another member (kind of like what happened to Beomgyu once)? Or maybe things can get bad enough that they end up getting sick right then and there (if you don't like it, then maybe they get so desperate to get out of there that they end up saying it out loud, maybe even asking for the interviewer to excuse him.

You might know by now that I am a sucker for public situations (although I don't like when they get sick in front of fans and stuff, so I try to work around it). Hope this helps? Or not???

I just couldn't think of a group: ATEEZ, Stray Kids or The Rose so I think this decision will fall upon on you and what you feel more comfortable with 😁

28.05.2024 - Anon 

Perhaps a member who has a solo schedule and the others are not aware that he came to work sick. While the sick member is suffering from a bad migraine and his symptoms increase so much that he feels overwhelmed so he calls one of his members so they can pick him up and finally take good care of him and pamper him.

28.05.2024 - Anon

how about for "sick at work", its someone being locked up in their studio for hours/days until someone eventually finds them there in a horrible state (tissues everywhere, snack wrappers, energy drinks/coffe etc?) and then they have to fight a sickie who is so deeply invested in their work?

06.07.2024 - Anon

Hi so I absolutely love your work and I was just sitting around when a name for a fic came to me...not a idea just the name...so I'm gonna give it to you and ask if maybe you can come up with something that fits with this name🙈 the title/name is "It's okay, no more". So I know this is a bit strange but I just had to request it...

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Hellooo, how re you sweet?.

I was thinking of a one-shot where Marilyn, being Laurel, orders Tyler to kidnap the reader to use his body as part of the crackstone resuscitation and maybe the reader is chained up in the crackstone cave or crypt and that there's some kind of dark attraction between Laurel and Y/n, obscenity if you will. I don't know if you feel comfortable writing this.

Yess, no problem. I accept almost all kinds of requests. I've seen worse things written out there, so don't worry :). I hope you like it, and I'm sorry if it's too dark. Sorry about the language mistakes too.

A nightmare not so nightmare

Pairing: Marilyn Thornhill/ Laurel Gates x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Kidnapping, smut, this is darker than others, be careful…

Word count: 2,618

Summary: You just passed by Jericho to make a stop on your way, but you didn’t know what was going to happen…

N/A: Yes, it’s dark, I’m sorry. Requests are open!!! Remember that I don’t care about the plots if they were reasonable, and not out of the common sense :) Sorry about the language mistakes.

It was late. At that small cafeteria there was no one left, except for the young waiter. You were passing through that town. You were a traveling girl, and you took advantage of your vacations to visit some areas of the east coast that you did not know. You would soon discover that it was a terrible mistake, or maybe not.

Sitting at a table, you read information about that town. Apparently there was a strange academy in which people with special talents studied. You knew what that was, your cousin was a werewolf, and apparently he spent his student days there too.

The guy behind the counter seemed to be busy with his phone, you couldn't blame him. There was no one else in the cafeteria but you. He raised his head for a moment and looked at you briefly, nodding to himself.

A sound like a train whistling made you jump in your seat.

“Oh, God… what a scare,” you said, with your hand on your chest. That horrible noise came from the coffee machine. The boy looked at you apologetically.

You got up and walked towards him.

“Ey, is everything alright?” You asked, seeing how he seemed to get desperate with the machine.

“It's the fifth time it's broken. This time the boss throws me out, sure,” the boy said, visibly nervous.

“Okay, okay, calm down. I have worked with a similar one. I'm going to try to give you a hand…” You said passing behind the counter. You weren't bad at machines, and the guy was nice to you, he even bought you another coffee.

“Really?” He asked, with the face of a good boy. “Tha, thank you very much.”

You winked at him and glanced at the machine. You soon found something strange and frowned, looking several times in case you had imagined it.

“Hey, nothing is wrong with this machine, you have started it without coffee inside and...”

You couldn't finish the sentence. You felt a strong pain in your head, as if you had been hit from behind. Your vision became blurred and a dizziness took over you, causing you to fall to the ground without being able to help it. Everything went black.

You slightly widened your eyes. Your head ached, but that wasn't the worst of it. It seemed as if someone was taking you somewhere. You couldn't move, you were still dizzy. The ground ceased to be grass, and you entered a place eerily lit with candles.

“Well done Tyler, good boy,” a female voice said.

That didn't look good and you decided to close your eyes and pretend to still be passed out. On your head you noticed some moisture, it was probably your own blood.

“Leave her there, on the ground, and put the chains on her,” that woman ordered. You were a bit scared, but it could also be a dream, so you stayed calm when the guy from the cafeteria lowered you to the ground. The cold of the stone came into contact with your body, causing you a chill. Your hands were manipulated and you felt the cold iron on your wrists.

You dared to open your eyes a little. A strange woman was there, next to the waiter. You didn't know where you were, but it was definitely a scary place. It didn't take you long to realize that it was some kind of crypt, or mausoleum. They both looked at you, noticing that you opened your eyes. That woman addressed you, with a sinister smile.

“You're awake, that's great,” she told you ironically. You were dizzy and disoriented, but you needed to know what was going on.

“Where…Where am I?” You stammered, trying to move your arms. It was impossible, you were bound with chains. A strange fear invaded you, but you were still recovering from the blow to your head, so you couldn't think clearly.

“I suppose nothing will happen for you to know. You won't be able to tell anyone either. You're at Joseph Crackstone's crypt,” she told you, sighing, turning her back on you and looking for something in a briefcase.

Your vision cleared and you shook your head, trying to understand what was happening. You noticed that woman and it didn't take you long to recognize her.

“Eh... You're that woman who was at the cafeteria this afternoon...” You murmured, trying to get rid of the chains, it was impossible.

“What an observant girl…”She told you with a disturbing tone. You started to get nervous and shook the chains harder, knowing that whatever she was up to was up to no good. That woman laughed at your powerlessness to escape.

“Hey, if this is a joke, it's not funny,” you said, checking that everything in that place seemed real.

“Oh my God. Calm down, you only spend energy in vain. You are very important…” She told you, turning to you with what looked like a saw in her hand. “You are going to help me carry out my revenge, your precious hand will help to resurrect my ancestor, and thus end all the disgusting outcasts.”

You widened your eyes. That couldn't be real at all. Your head couldn't process something like that, it was even too surreal to be a nightmare. You decided to take it as a joke, so that you could control the fear you felt. You were like that, you always found a way to laugh at everything bad that happened to you.

You let out a laugh in the middle of that sinister place. Your captor's face paled and slowly darkened.

“I think, I think you confuse me with another person,” you said between laughs. The boy from the cafeteria and that redhead looked at each other.

“What kind of idiot have you brought me?” She asked. This Tyler guy shrugged.

“Come on, I've got you,” you said, trying not to think that the blow to the head was completely real, and it still hurt. “Surely you have confused me with the girl who was at the bachelorette party…”

Little by little you could contain your laughter and your eyes darkened a little, looking up and down that woman, very attractive for you.

“Although if I can choose, I prefer that you undress yourself,” you said looking at her. “Don't be offended, I'm not into boys,” you said to Tyler, who looked at you terrified.

The woman stormed up to you and grabbed your chin tightly. You hissed, beginning to realize that this was all serious.

“Don't make me gag you, bitch. I don't think you realize the seriousness of your situation, but you won't be long in doing so,” she told you, looking at you with the darkest eyes you've ever seen. Her grip loosened and you remained thoughtful, coming to the conclusion that this was real, and that you were in danger.

“Hel…Help, help!” You yelled with all your might. “Get off me, you fucking psychopath!”

“Tyler! Shut her up!” The redhead yelled. The boy nodded and turned to you, putting a hand over your mouth. You reacted quickly and bit him with all your might, causing him to withdraw, shaking his injured hand. You snorted and started kicking, desperate.

“She, she bit me,” the waiter complained. The woman rolled her eyes and went for something. That something was a gun that was pointed directly at your head. You widened your eyes and stopped moving, startled by the gun.

“Okay, okay, take it easy... Don't do something crazy,” you said, relaxing a bit.

“Are you going to be quiet? Don't make me shoot your pretty face,” she threatened you.

You nodded profusely. Once the gun was out of sight, you breathed again. You had to think of something to escape, no matter how much that crazy woman attracted you for some reason you didn't know.

“Very good, honey, I like it that way...” She said, leaving the weapon on top of a black sarcophagus that was in the middle of that crypt. “Tyler, go outside and watch,” she ordered the boy, who immediately obeyed.

“Yes, Laurel,” he said before heading out the door.

You had to get out of there, no matter what. Maybe a little psychology could help.

“Laurel?” You asked trembling. “What a nice name.”

She turned around and looked at you with a crooked smile. At least you got her attention.

“You're very kind…” She said, waiting for you to tell her your name.

“(Y/N),” you stammered. Somehow the situation seemed to relax a bit. She must have scared you, she seemed completely unhinged, but for some reason, she stopped scaring you. You were always looking for the most inadequate women. Your twisted tastes would one day be your downfall, that night, for sure.

Laurel crouched down in front of you and in a terribly tender way she caressed your cheek. You stirred, but you enjoyed the touch.

“I like you, (Y/N), maybe if you behave, I'll let you alive…” She whispered to you, too close to your ear. Your eyes went straight to her blouse, which showed a little of her cleavage. You were always just as indiscreet and intrusive, even on the verge of death, you had time for your lustful thoughts. “My eyes are up here...”

You got scared and looked up. As if that wasn't enough, she'd caught you looking where you didn't have to.

“You're very cheeky…” She said, giving you a soft smack on the cheek. “What a shame to meet like this. I'm sure that in other circumstances we could have had a great time,” she said, getting up and going again for the saw, and what looked like a syringe.

“What, what are you going to do to me?”  You asked.

“Don't worry, you won't feel anything, I promise,” she told you, checking that the syringe didn't contain air.

“Wait, wait, wait, can't we talk things over?”

Laurel laughed mischievously and shook her head.

“Think that you are going to do me a great favor…” she told you, approaching.

It was your end, and your last act was to look at your killer's tits. It will be a curious epitaph. She didn't seem to dislike you too much, she told you that in other circumstances it would be different. If you were going to die, you at least wanted to have fun.

“Hey, hey, wait a minute,” you said, trying to back away, to no avail, of course. “We can get to know each other a little better if you want, you know, a dinner, a coffee…”

She laughed again, but she stopped.

“I don't think there's time for that, (Y/N),” she said to you raising her eyebrows.

“Well, we can get right to the point. I've always wanted to do it while I’m tied with chains, but girls are all boring...” In part, you only delayed the inevitable, but on the other hand, you also had a certain morbid curiosity.

“Oh, yes?” She asked ironically, bending down again. “What a beautiful coincidence, I love playing with girls like you, tied with chains,” she hissed, leaving the saw and the syringe on the floor. She seemed like she was also tempted by the idea and you bit your lip.

Not wanting to wait any longer, she climbed on top of you, her legs on either side of your hips. Her hand went to your hair, pulling hard at it, forcing your head back.

“I'm warning you, brat, if this is a trick to try to escape, I'll kill you before you know it…” She whispered in your ear, after which, she bit your earlobe. You shook your head and sighed as she let go of your hair.

Laurel looked at you lustfully and began to unbutton her blouse little by little. Your breathing quickened and you decided to forget for a moment about the situation you were in, and try to enjoy the moment, since it would probably be your last one.

“Do you like this, (Y/N)?” She asked, running a hand gently across her half-naked chest.

“Oh yeah, you're pretty sexy for being a psycho killer…” You whispered, feeling free to do and say whatever you wanted. She laughed evilly and pulled your hair again.

“Dare to insult me again, and I'll spank you until you bleed, bitch,” she told you with a dark and threatening voice.

You kept quiet, not putting your life at risk more than it already was.

Laurel's hands went to the tank top you were wearing, pulling hard on it until it ripped, revealing your bare chest.

“Mmm, not bad,” she whispered, cupping one of your breasts with her hand, making you gasp. “Do you want mommy to fuck you, bitch? Are you so desperate?”

You opened your eyes and decided to ignore those words. That she had that way of speaking was not the most dangerous thing about that woman at all. Before you could do anything, your pants slid down your legs, along with your underwear. Her look was anxious and disturbing, while she unexpectedly gave you a soft pat on your clitoris.

“Ah,” you said softly, closing your eyes, for which you received a slap on the cheek.

“Look me in the eyes. Don't even think about closing them,” she ordered you abruptly, while, without warning, she inserted two fingers inside you. Her smile returned to her face, seeing how your body was waiting for her. “So wet... I thought Tyler was wrong to bring you here, but now I see that he was not.”

“Oh, my God,” you moaned, feeling invaded by pleasure. There was no fear, no anger, just pleasure.

“That's it, sweetie, enjoy mommy…” She whispered to you, increasing the pace little by little. It was without a doubt the strangest situation you had ever experienced, and perhaps the last one.

Your moans were getting louder in that crypt, while you struggled not to close your eyes.

“Oh, fuck…” You gasped, realizing that you were reaching your own limit. Another mischievous laugh sounded from the stone walls.

“How weak you are. I'll have to tame you a little next time…” Laurel hissed, moving her fingers to make you explode.

In the midst of all those moans, you were able to make something clear. If she said “next time”, she surely wasn't going to kill you. A strange happiness and relief coursed through your body, causing you to orgasm immediately, writhing in the little space you had.

“I like you, (Y/N), you are docile,” that sinister woman told you, approaching your lips to kiss them with a disturbing tenderness. “Now let me cum too.”

You caught your breath and tried to move your hands, but soon remembered that they were chained. You didn't know if you should comment or not, but you decided to be brave, your body and mind were euphoric.

“But, but, my hands are tied…” You said, waiting for another slap that never came.

“Oh honey, no one said you're going to use your hands,” Laurel said, getting up and removing her clothes.

You immediately understood what that was about. Especially when she stood over you, standing, and she grabbed your hair hard, pulling your head between her legs.

“Start doing something now,” she ordered, pressing you tighter against her. You obeyed, starting to kiss that area. You could feel humiliated, but on the contrary, you were terribly turned on.

After a few skillful moves, you got her to moan, pulling your hair hard. With some contempt she released you, pushing your head almost against your head.

“You've been lucky, (Y/N). You will not be useful for my plans, but maybe for other things you’re perfect….”

[goodluckclove]

I've never really written anything serious at length at all. All I have this one story I want to get into and write every page, because I am so attached to the characters and world I've designed. Yet, I can't find myself doing so because of that attachment. I feel as don't have anywhere near enough experience to ensure I do the world that I'm so invested in justice.

I've thought doing other writing projects to learn and gain that experience, but I just can't bring myself to care about the practice beyond "if I throw random words on this page, maybe my future words for will be as cool as I want them to be"

I've got one thing I want to make and only thing only, but how do I get to the point of making that thing if meaningful practice seems so difficult?

Okay so I hope you're prepared because we definitely need to have a conversation about this as I cannot properly get into the whole deal without you being able to respond and tell me your thoughts right goddamned now. Still, I have a few pages I need to write so I can give you some insight now to consider before I try and force you to talk to me.

Different people create in different ways. Some people, I think, can direct a story from start to finish in their heads, turn it into a step-by-step outline, and use that as a guide to complete a book exactly as they planned and enjoy it. I've heard this happens so I have to assume it does, but I have never and will never be that type of person.

I love Songbird Elegies. I am absorbed in the world I created and the people that inhabit it. My Spotify algorithm is fucked because I pretty much only listen to the massive playlist I made for songs I associate with the series. At the same time, I know my own creative process enough to understand that if I get too attached to the specifics of the story it'll only harm my ability to write it productively.

There was a point where Edgar's abusive mother was supposed to find him in New Orleans and arrange to meet at Cafe du Monde. The main two get there, unsure what they'd find, and it's revealed that Scott has secretly contacted all the other Birthrights Edgar met in Bluerose to meet there too and offer emotional support. I loved the thought of Edgar, someone who has felt alone for the entirety of his life, suddenly being in the middle of a massive web of unconditional support at his most terrified.

Yeah that scene will never happen. It's on a completely different path now.

I don't want to be one of those people to sort of waggle their fingers and say how your characters have a life of their own, but also I do have a history of psychosis so like fuck it I think I'm allowed to say that. I think a lot of writers have similar experiences, and maybe some of them to the intensity that I do. I don't hear Edgar's voice in my head without my wanting to, of course, but by the time I started book two I had enough of a sense of his character to be able to listen when he said I do not want to be a few hours from where I was abused for decades anymore. It's my story, but I've done this long enough to know when to pass the reigns for a while.

If you create an entire world in your head and you get too exact, there's no room to explore. And exploring is the best part of writing, in my opinion. When I needed to practice I didn't do it by throwing unrelated words at the wall, I did it by trying to write the idea I had and adjusting it until it either worked or I lost interest for the time being. Legitimately, 13 novels in, this is what I had before I started Blind Trust:

"What if magic was like...a disability? But it was supposed to help the already disabled. But it gets appropriated by primarily neurotypical wizard-types - somehow. And some guys...fall in love...yes."

Less than a year later and that is roughly fifteen percent of the current plot. And it kicks ass.

Anyway that's how I roll and it works for me. I love my characters desperately and usually get a sense of my protagonists that boarder on the delusional. Those are my qualifications to say that the best thing someone with a mind like me could do is focus less on every detail and more on the potential that comes with the people and the premise.

And write your thing, man. Give it a shot. Experiment and don't panic too hard if your plan doesn't work. It won't be perfect at first which is good because then it could become even better.

Get ready man, we're definitely talking about this more one-on-one.

[outrunningthedark]

I see the grief as a "Freudian Excuse" more than anything; it explains their bad actions, but does not excuse the bad action themselves because children shouldn't have to compromise for their parents' misery for years, especially when the compromise has a deep lasting impact to the children's development and adult life, especially if the misery is not explained to them until far into adulthood leaving them wondering why their parents are miserable (to them) in all their childhood.

Apologies for projecting, but my aunt was depressed after losing her married daughter after childbirth, but her son-in-law and her siblings living in another city help her walk through it and prevent her grandson from being abandoned even though it takes a long time for her to recover. The lack of extended family involvement and the Buckleys' impression of putting their image in society on front make the grief ineffective in explaining their emotional neglect toward the siblings. Where's their parents? Where's their siblings? Why aren't they involved? Do they even exist and are they alive in present timeline? As powerful as grief is as an explanation, the storytelling narrative isn't strong and complex enough. We see Eddie's parents and extended family discuss what next step Eddie should take after Shannon's death, making him choose to stay. That is what is lacking in The Buckleys' backstory.

I may be remembering some plot points wrong, but I still stand on "this explains, but not excuse" stance on them. If we see an onscreen dedicated scene of them trying to make amends, my opinion on them may change.

(Not @ you, but) I feel like people get my Buckley parents (especially Margaret) posts a little twisted. In no way do I believe their neglect of both of their children is okay. What matters to me is that this is (unfortunately) one realistic portrayal of what happens to a family after a sibling death. Not every parent is able to bounce back mentally and emotionally after the death of a child. Some become dependent on substances to get through each day, don't they? The Buckley's didn't go that route, thankfully, but the fact that the mother was contemplating ending her life tells me 1) she wanted to be with her son, yes, but also 2) when you're considering that big of decision, it's because you think people are better off without you. No insult Margaret's kids can throw at her can be worse than whatever has gone through her head since the early '90s. Her behavior isn't right. But it's understandable. And, I'm sorry, but savior baby story line or not, the resentment towards Buck (and Maddie, let's not forget!) is very much a real thing that can happen. When you're one of multiple kids, and one of you dies, your parents see your sibling in you, so it hurts them to imagine where their child would be if they were still alive. And if you do something that really upsets them? Well. Then the resentment can be mutual, because the child starts to feel that it would have been better if it was them who died in place of the sibling. I know this because I live it, and I've watched others live it, too. The problem with this arc is, as you said, that it's not detailed enough. We did get the semi-reconciliation at the end of Buck Begins, but the show moved away from letting Buck (and his sister) start to heal from their childhood trauma because JLH had to be written out and Buck at peace was not really conducive to the story. His big sister's gone again. How else would he react, right? (My whole issue with that story line is that her coming back did not "fix" anything. If he was only acting like that because he missed his family...he should have been able to tell TayKay to kick rocks after the loft convo. But then L & T wouldn't have met and TayKay wouldn't have been the bad guy all over again. So.) I'm super curious to see whether Oliver was right in saying that Buck's therapy is still a factor off screen (I know that's what he hopes) and we meet a "new" set of Buckley parents - this would be another situation where there was resolution that should have made it onto the show - or we're going to find out that everybody backed out because they still weren't ready. It just depends what kind of story KR & co. think is "best". [Let it be known, though, that a complete erasure of the attempt at healing, brief as it was, is dumb af when we've had no updates on that front since s4. At least throw out a line about "Have you thought about going to therapy again?" or something.]

[icharchivist]

I apologize for busting in your askbox Icha, but I saw you and an anon discussing the FF7 remake and I am so so curious as to know what did they change/leave out? I have heard it wasn't as good a remake as most were hoping for, and am just curious what changed. 👀 (If you don't have the time or energy though then no worries! 💖)

All the best for you, always, Icha! 💕

you're all good no worries <3333

And ahh yeah the big question huh!

The thing is that the remake isn't actually a remake and they lied about it being one, so that's kind of the big of the issue in a sense?

The major difference is completely related to Sephiroth (king of causing problems on purpose).

The remake is actually a sequel set in a timeloop only Sephiroth, and it's implied, Aerith too, are aware is happening, seemingly provoked by Sephiroth himself, as the Sephiroth we see during the game is from the Future.

More details under the cut and it will mention a few major plot beats spoilers from the 1997 game the remake hasn't really touched on yet (but since you mentioned reading Sephiroth's wiki page it should be okay?)

(also more salt 😭)

(and i got long ✌️)

The remake was set to be cut in multiple parts, the first part covering the Midgar portion of the game which takes about like, 6 hours to complete max? before you leave to the open world that is the rest of the game. The first part wanted to extend on Midgar, so those first 6 hours of content were extended and padded in, for better or for worse.

Problem is? Sephiroth doesn't appear at all in this portion of the game. In the Original game, Sephiroth is built in very slowly, first by hearing him being name dropped a lot, then learning he caused a massacre in the Shinra HQ, and then, once you leave Midgar, Cloud will actually tell you about who Sephiroth used to be and why now they have to find him. Still after that, in the OG, you spend a very long time following a trail of murders committed by Sephiroth before ultimately meeting him in Junon, which is about 10 hours into the game. And, notable, Sephiroth doesn't care about nor notice Cloud until their run in in Junon, where Sephiroth even first is startled in meeting him bc he doesn't put together right away who Cloud is.

But the first part of the remake only covers the Midgar part of the game, the first 6 hours. And they didn't want to do this part without Sephiroth.

So they came up with another plot instead:

the remake is set in a timeloop of the story happening over and over again, except that Sephiroth From The Future cheated his way into coming here at the beginning of the game and starting to haunt Cloud on purpose.

Basically, anything you see about Sephiroth in the remake pt1 isn't in the OG. His dynamic with Cloud also is straight up pulled from post-game canon's dynamic, so no longer the slow build up to how Sephiroth actually took some time to start obsessing over Cloud and ruining his life.

Sephiroth spends all of his moments in the remake making sure to taunt Cloud about the history about to repeat itself. He taunts him about how he's going to kill Aerith before Cloud even knows who Aerith is. He taunts Cloud also by throwing back words Zack once told him, he appears at random specifically to spite Cloud, it's an overall mess.

His involvement in the plot also creates a whole new type of enemies which are called the Specters. They're sort of ghostly figures who, we learn, are actually "keeper of the canon", trying desperately to make sure the timeline happens exactly as it happened in the original game. (for example, there's a scene where Hojo takes a look at Cloud and, suddenly puts together that he has met him before and almost says it aloud. The specters appear and take Hojo away so he doesn't finish his sentence because in the Original game, Hojo doesn't realize who Cloud is until way into the 3rd act, and Cloud can't know why Hojo knows him. It's actually important for Cloud's storyarc that Hojo doesn't spill the deeds until that point.)

Aerith is originally the only one being haunted by the Specters and it's implied she is seeing visions of her death. Cloud is also seeing vision of her death once he gets in contact with the specters.

The game ends after a battle with Sephiroth (again, he's not supposed to be here) which also ends up destroying the Specters, with the implication that from now on, the characters have the free will to not follow the path of canon. Aerith herself, again, who's hinted to know she's going to die, makes a speech about how the future isn't set in stone and they have to move forward.

The remake also ends on an alternative timeline playing at the exact same time, as the Specters have been destroyed into every timeline ever, where the Specters aren't there to make sure Zack dies shortly before the plot of the remake starts. So we get to see an alternative timeline where Zack has lived, but, since his death is the cataclysm in Cloud getting out of coma, Cloud is still in coma.

We're still unsure where it's going to go.

The major problems I have with the remake is basically this whole thing. There's stuff the remake do differently as it adds on to the game (like adding a full sidequest to flesh out Jessie, which isn't in the OG). Some of those however, imo, are not really good, but at least it's just mostly an interpretation choice.

One thing that bugged me with the remake for instance is that, as you're probably aware, ff7 follows a group of eco-terrorist, Avalanche, who try to take down an immoral company, Shinra, that is abusing and killing the earth. In the OG, the act of terrorism actually do cause a lot of damage and death, and it's actually left ambiguous in the game if those are actually on Avalanche's hands, or if Shinra is actually framing them by overblowing the damage they caused.

In the remake, it's pretty much confirmed it's all propaganda and Avalanche has been doing things cleanly and it's only another violent branch of Avalanche we aren't related to that causes crimes.

It removes a nuance and it will also therefore makes Barret and Reeves's confrontation later in the game a bit more hollow, because the whole thematic of "are you willing to accept the collateral damage of the extreme action you're forced to take" is lessened by the approach of Avalanche not having done anything actually harmful. the OG has more nuances over it, ultimately siding with Avalanche and Barret, but genuinely addressing that there's still a responsibility they have for all of this.

At the same time they also paint Rufus Shinra in a better light than the OG did, trying to make it look like he's actually trying to do some good, which i'm dubious about.

But, at least, on that point, it's expanding on the original game and adding context, whenever this context is good or not.

In the same level but that i don't mind, it also explores Tifa being conflicted about being a terrorist more.

Some additions that makes sense but end up being a little bugging on the long term are related to Cloud's mental health in general (or, more likely, complete lack of.)

I need to mention more about Cloud first but basically:

Cloud has something Seriously Wrong going on with him and you don't know what it is most of the OG because he always tells you with perfect confidence that things are fine. He has hallucinations, he has mental breakdowns, something is haunting him. He's supposed to be an Ex-Soldier, but no one who should know Soldiers seem to recognize him or know who he is. He recalls the Nibelheim incident in details to Tifa at some point and Tifa is unnerved without telling us exactly what's up. Aerith mentions she sees her ex in Cloud a lot.

(anything else i'm going to mention forward aren't covered in the remake yet, so the exact handling of it all is left for debate, but i think it's relevant to how some things are handled in the remake pt1)

If you bring Tifa and Aerith to Zack's house in the OG Zack's parents will ask Cloud if he knows about Zack, and Cloud will say he knows nothing about him, which will really unnerve both of the girls who are going to start saying cryptic things to Cloud that he doesn't manage to interpret, mainly Aerith trying to press Cloud into if he's SURE he doesn't know Zack (which is when she mentions it's her ex.)

in the OG, it all built up as Sephiroth starts to mind control Cloud as a puppet, nearly have him kill Aerith during one of those puppet moment (before killing her the moment Cloud manages to break away from the mind control), and then make him see a vision of the Nibelheim incident that doesn't show Cloud at all, instead all the moments Cloud remembers doing seems to be done by Zack. Cloud finds it stupid, thinks Sephiroth is lying, and asks Tifa to back him up, which is met with Tifa's silence as she herself has a breakdown, because the vision Sephiroth is showing them is what Tifa actually remembers. Cloud was never there during Nibelheim and she's been doubting her own sanity the whole time because Cloud's recollection of the event is too precise, so it must mean SHE remembers it wrong right?

But when Sephiroth forces them to see the reality, it breaks the two of them, and then he breaks Cloud further by telling him that all of this is only because Cloud himself doesn't exist, but instead is a failed Clone of Sephiroth, who was always meant to be him, and that it's why Cloud has memories only Sephiroth would know about, and that he belongs to and with Sephiroth. This is why no member of Shinra they ran into seems to remember Cloud at all. He never existed. This is the last straw in breaking Cloud's spirit completely, and he becomes Sephiroth's little plaything, that ends up helping Sephiroth triggering the apocalypse.

But Tifa is Cloud's childhood friend. she doesn't remember him being there during the Nibelheim incident, but they were still friend before that. At this point of the game we switch MC and play as Tifa as she tries to understand what's wrong with Cloud because clearly Sephiroth is lying, yet he DOES have a control over Cloud and he's right about Nibelheim so, what is going on?

and bc of some magic i won't enter into details to, we get to learn the truth: Cloud is actually Cloud, not a clone. He was there during Nibelheim, but not as a soldier, but one of the infantry working under Zack, who also was a friend and a mentor to him. He was so ashamed of coming back home without making it to Soldier he hid his face the whole time. So the whole thing is his recollection of Nibelheim. after Sephiroth tried to kill them and Cloud managed to get rid of him for a time, Tifa, Zack and Cloud were all mortally wounded, and while Tifa was taken away safely by a friend, Zack and Cloud were recovered by Shinra's scientist (Hojo), who did experiments on them by infusing them with Sephiroth's DNA. It didn't take in on Zack, but it ruined Cloud's mentally and brought him into a catatonic state. Zack manages to get them to escape a few years later and spend the rest of his life trying desperately to protect Cloud, so much so that he will die trying to protect him. This is when Cloud manages to wake up, and the last trauma of having Zack dying for him and giving him his sword, mixed to the experiments and everything, messed with Cloud's mind. He got amnesia out of it and started to take elements of Zack's life as his own, imitating him, confusing memories of Zack as himself doing those things, stuff like that.

(side note, considering the fandom we know each other for: geez amnesia guy who is in this situation because he handled very badly the death of a loved one up on a hill in the last attempt of said loved one to save him? never heard that one before.)

It's only at this point of the game everything starts to make sense - the rest of the time, we're really served to "Cloud doesn't seem to exist", so when Sephiroth says Cloud is just his clone, we believe it the same way Cloud believes in it. It's a masterful manipulation moment in video game history imo because it really puts us in Cloud's shoes and have us believe Sephiroth as well because we've only ever had Cloud's POV on things, so we react the same way when Sephiroth starts to play with Cloud's mind.

*takes deep breath*

all of that to say that therefore the fact the remake actually hammers in a lot that a lot of people at Shinra recognizes Cloud actually totally undermine this reveal completely. When it's Hojo, it still can work because whenever Cloud is a clone or not, Hojo would have been involved. But some infantry men mentions recognizing Cloud because they used to work together. so like. already ruining one of THe major twist of the game don't we? (they literally mention that Kunsel (players of the prequel would know this guy as Zack's best friend back in the days) has been looking for Cloud. while the impact of that only really land if you know who Kunsel is, it still means Cloud's existence is known and has values inside of Shinra.)

but we ruin it even more by showing the alternative timeline where Zack survives.

Cloud still has mental breakdowns in the remake and i think its swell, but a few of them are far less subtle than the OG were, not to mention it's now also linked to flashforward to what is *supposed* to happen, to the fact Cloud feels like he's going to kill Aerith one day.

I genuinely don't think the "maybe he was a clone all along" fake reveal would work on the player at all with the way the remake is handling it. The moment they showed the Zack survives timeline, it was done and buried.

With the content of the remake itself, while Sephiroth acts in character, i do genuinely hate that we go straight to post-canon Sephiroth while he has one of the most interesting build up as a villain, especially with how slowly he started to pay attention to Cloud and his group before deciding he's going to make his life his unending nightmare.

The "Keeper of the canon" antagonists that have to be defeated so the characters can write their own fate has been bugging me for a while now, not being sure where the game is going. Like i mentioned lately, i don't think ff7 is a story that works when you make it about fate. Aerith especially is put in a really delicate situation because, as i was saying in a recent ask, her death is the catalyst of the core thesis of the game. And with the Zack's alt timeline showing that Cloud doesn't wake up if Zack lives, it means the remake can go one of two ways here: either it won't kill Aerith, for free will, and it will undo everything the plot is building itself around, or it will make her death unavoidable, punishing us by making sure we know Aerith is meant to be doomed and nothing else.

I've been on the fence about the ending of the remake for the past few years, not liking the way it was a "stealth sequel", not liking the way they decided to make Sephiroth the evil villain without showing us his nuances the way the OG did by bringing his most evil version directly from the start into the game. I had some grievance here and there but yeah.

But i've been trying to stay cautiously opened to it all.

The discussions those past few days have been because of the trailer of pt2 of the remake, Rebirth, teased to come out soon.

i'm linking the post here, but the long story short is that the trailer is doubling down on the whole "is fate going to be rewritten", but also on the absolute lack of subtility or care for the actual mystery that was raised by the OG.

Mainly, the Rebirth trailer has Tifa discuss with Aerith that she doesn't remember Cloud was here during the Nibelheim incident. The one thing that is supposed to be a major twist, completely done with. The shock the player has when Tifa doesn't back up Cloud when confronted to Sephiroth's recollection of Nibelheim? Misplaced, removed from its punch, hammering again in that there's something So Wrong with Cloud.

Worse: in the trailer Sephiroth taunts Cloud by telling him that Jenova (his alien mother) has the ability to change appearance and imitate people. And that Cloud saw Sephiroth "kill" Tifa. So "how can he be sure Tifa is the real her?"

So Tifa showing her doubt about the Nibelheim event is set up to have you doubt her.

And as i mentioned in the post, it makes sense for Post-canon Sephiroth to change his strategy in how to attack Cloud's psyche and manipulate him because at this point he knows Cloud relies on his friends to hold on to his sanity, so now he wants to remove the way he relies on them.

But i find it vulgar and uninteresting compared to the actual gaslighting going on in the OG. Also with how i feel like if Sephiroth starts to pull the OG's gaslighting at Cloud, it would be so weird after he already tried to pin him against Tifa, because he would sound like a tryhard who's changing his strategy lmao. idk his gaslighting worked on Cloud because Cloud trusted Tifa so fully. By having him doubt Tifa it changes the dynamic. And why would Sephiroth insists "no no actually remember i killed Tifa so you can't trust this Tifa" if his endgoal is "actually you're not real and you only have my memories xoxo" yaknow?

*TAKES A DEEP BREATH*

So that's my major issue with the remake, and ik it involves a lot of "oh this new thing they set up is going to ruin future things" so it can still be left for debate just how much this is actually a bad thing and how much i'm just building problems in my head, but yeah the issue really comes from the pitch itself that it's *not* a remake like they said it would be, but a sequel in a timeloop, and it has to be considered as such. And personally i'm genuinely not a fan of the concept.

on another just general notes elements that were changed/added in the remake that don't really matter on a major "plot is changed" level:

-There's whole new dungeons for sections that takes 5 minutes in game, which can go from "this is the most hollow and boring thing i've ever seen" (anything happening on the way to Reactor 5 once they leave the train), to "hey that's pretty good for character exploration actually" (the train graveyard being just a place you walk through, to exploring Aerith's fears and having her bond with Tifa)

-Fleshing out the slums era of the game. you don't spend a lot of time in Sector 7 or 6 in the OG but the game makes sure you see just how full of life those places are. It gets really long with some quests that aren't totally worth it, but sector 7 especially helps fleshing it out and it's really nice.

-Wall Market also gets a way longer quest which personally does bore me to death, but at least it did completely overhaul a huge part of the OG that didn't age well at all with the Honey Bee Inn, so that's nice.

-I mentioned a whole sidequest related to Jessie especially that's really nice, that have you spend more time with Biggs and Wedge in particular. I got a crush on Biggs and Jessie out of that while i never cared about them like this in the 15 years i've been invested in this game so i think it means something.

-The DLC is a full Yuffie centric campaign that is a completely new addition to even bring up in the game, but isn't specifically out of place. Nothing implies Yuffie would have gone through that in the OG, and i think it kinda pushes her on a more "mature" storyline than when we meet her, but considering Yuffie was an optional character who had her plotline cutdown in the OG to start with, i think it's fair enough.

This DLC also has Yuffie forced to face people from Deep Ground, which is a secret program we only learn about in the sequel video game called Dirge of Cerberus, which focus on Vincent and has Yuffie as a supporting character this whole time. With Yuffie being involved in this storyline later, i do think it's interesting to give her reasons to be involved with it in the remake to start with.

also DoC is a bad game (and honestly i wonder if they'll even remake it too bc of that lmao) but Deep Ground is a FASCINATING concept and i've been eating up every single way the rest of the saga has included Deep Ground into its plot, so i really do like that there's not only mentions of it in the remake but also a tangible proof of its existence. Maybe now we'll know what happened to Genesis! @ Remake tell us what happened to Genesis or so help me, we're like 5 people to be obsessed with him come ON.

and one thing i might be a bit iffy about:

-In the Original Game, you get to pick a lot of Cloud's dialogues, at least up until the point Cloud learns about his past, in which case you suddenly don't have control over him anymore. Fans have theorized for decades that as a result, you are the person influencing which is Cloud's persona we're putting forward. Are we playing up the way he's inspired by Zack by picking the flirty options? are we playing up this cold idea of a Soldier he has probably inspired by Sephiroth by the colder options? so on and so forth.

This ends up also playing on the fact there are different possible romance path option (including one with Barret) in the OG, which are reliant on those options.

Most of those dialogues have been revamped completely in the remake so that Cloud's characterization is completely reliant on the game's narrative, not on the player. You don't get to pick most of Cloud's dialogues. The romance paths also are revamped so you have completely different triggers to them instead. the options that would have Cloud unlock a date with Barret also have been completely removed from the remake, and instead we have a whole new romance path with Cloud being able to get a kiss from Jessie depending on how he does on one of the quest. how come a game from 1997 was more bi-friendly than a game from 2020 i swear.

For this later it's not something i have *particularly* strong feelings about in comparison to the main issue i have with the game, i don't care about the romance in ff7 to start with, but i'm a bit sad we lose the whole "the player is choosing Cloud's persona until the point Cloud remembers who he actually is" aspect the OG had.

SO THIS SHOULD COVER IT ALL.

So, the game has a lot of difference with the OG, and on the details it's not bad at all.

Unfortunately the major driving plotpoint of the remake is something that makes it a sequel rather than a remake and i find it Bad.

... sorry for the very very long answer but i'm really passionate about the OG, so i can't help but pick those stuff up 😭

Hope it gives you some insight into it!!

Take care!

[reverie-starlight]

I'm absolutely down bad for Hawks and also not caught up with the current plot, therefore this seems like the perfect opportunity to ask for some general headcanons with a shy reader!! 🥲🛐🤍

Have a wonderful day (and ofc take all the time you want I just found your post and HAD to request) <33

AHHH thank you so much for this!!! I really hope I didn't mess it up too badly- I'm still trying to get his character figured out so this is going to seem a bit more "trial and error" esque until I get more comfortable with him. It's literally my first time writing for Hawks ever and I'm very excited!!

{Hawks with a shy!reader HCs}

gn!reader, as always :)

much fluff, possibly some inconsistency, a lot of effort lol. tried to keep it as general as possible cause it manifests differently for everyone. 

(I haven’t written in this format for a long time so the beginning is pretty messy and just me organizing my thoughts i’m so sorry you deserve better)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay so.

he is not shy at all

but he's not like,,, suuuuper outgoing either

you know what i mean by that, right?

he's easy going but also pretty direct and serious when the occasion calls for it

he radiates comfort and good vibes to me, so i think a lot of people would find it very easy to talk to him

he's also pretty confident

so I think he'd work well with a s/o who's more on the shy/reserved side, you'd compliment each other well

and however your shyness manifests (if it’s on the subtle side or more obvious) he’s prepared to help you out

if it’s something you want to work towards getting over, he’d try bringing you to his office on slower days to meet new people and help you build up some confidence

or to work events where there wouldn’t be any cameras or the general public. he would never throw you into the spotlight like that, but bringing you to places where there’d be a lot of people would be good for breaking you out of your shell

and if it’s something you already have under control and know how to work around, he supports you with that too!!

either way he loves you and accepts the fact that being social isn’t your thing

absolutely melts when he understands you’re finally 100% comfortable around him

he realized this basically the same moment you did- you were in your apartment just hanging out and you started singing along to an overplayed commercial on the TV (you once told him that singing around people wasn’t something you liked doing but it happened so naturally in that moment that his wings rustled in pure happiness). You both just looked at each other for a second in surprise before pulling you onto his lap and kissing all over your face <3

it was pretty early on in your relationship, which makes it that much sweeter to him. it means a lot that you were able to warm up to him so fast.

when you’re alone together, or with your friends/family and you’re comfortable enough to fully be yourself??? lives for that

he’d also never tease you about how different you are in public vs with him. because you’re still YOU, it’s just a more reserved and quiet version of you and that’s okay!! he loves every side of you without a doubt

if it ever got so bad (like to the point where it could be considered social anxiety and not just normal shyness anymore), he’d either wrap his wings around you to calm you down and give you some privacy 

or he’d send a feather to you to hold on to and discreetly comfort you with that

the bird man loves you that’s all <333

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed this!! I’m really sorry it took so long to publish, and i’m sorry if it wasn’t exactly what you wanted!! University is insane and I finally had time to write today. 

likes and reblogs appreciated <3

[bi-bard]

A Normal Life - Tenth Doctor Imagine (Doctor Who)

Title: A Normal Life

Pairing: Tenth Doctor x Reader

Word Count: 5,371 words

Warning(s): canonical violence

Summary: (Season 3, Episode 8 & 9) When a family of hunters attempt to chase the TARDIS through time and space, the Doctor and (Y/n) have to throw themselves into a life that was never meant for them.

Author's Note: This is one of my favorite episodes ever.

Also, it gives me a lot of room to take liberties with the plot, so thank goodness for that because studying these episodes is sometimes exhausting.

MORE OF THIS OC HERE!

[@this-is-me19 asked me tag them]

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If you were to ask me how long I had been in Farringham, I wouldn't have a real answer for you.

I would simply say something along the lines of "My family has been as long as I could remember," or "Who could keep track of that for so long?"

I didn't think much of it. It was what I had always said. What I had always thought.

I had been working at my family's bookstore since I was young. What had started as me carrying piles of books wherever I was told turned into me running the shop with a few people to help me. Mainly Arthur.

"Jo!"

I stepped out from the back of the shop when I heard Arthur call my name.

"She asked to see you," he explained quickly as he walked by.

I looked toward the shelves. "Martha!"

"Hi," she greeted.

"Here to pick up Mr. Smith's usual order, yeah," I asked.

"Yeah," she nodded as she made it to the counter.

"Will there be a day when he doesn't send you to grab his order," I placed the small bundle of books on the counter. "I would like to meet the man that has become one of my regulars."

"Maybe one day," she shrugged. "I'm sure it'll feel like you've known him forever."

"Probably," I chuckled. "I do know what books he likes."

She grinned and slid the payment over the counter. For just a moment, I saw this sad look in her eye. I chose not to question it as I took care of the money that she gave me.

"Have a good day, Martha," I said. "I hope the boys at that school of yours aren't too much."

"I've faced worse," she promised as she grabbed the books.

"And that breaks my heart more than anything."

She just grinned and waved before walking out of the shop.

Arthur walked out with another bunch of books. "Where do these go?"

"I told you to let me handle those."

"Well, that's just too bad, isn't it," he said. "Now, where do these go?"

I pointed over to a shelf on the far side of the shop.

Most days were like this. Calm and normal. Nothing of note. It was just Arthur and I taking care of the shop. Filling orders, helping people find books. It was usually boys from the school when they had an assignment. They had very quickly learned that I wouldn't put up with any inappropriate behavior.

"You scare those boys more than you scare me," Arthur had commented once.

"Aw, cheers, Arthur," I replied sarcastically.

He seemed to panic. "Not that you're scary. You're just very good at putting your foot down. I didn't mean to insult you-"

"It's fine, Arthur," I chuckled as I touched his arm. "It's alright."

He nodded. "Right, right. Good."

I shook my head.

And so, our pattern continued. Calm and content.

Besides the meteorite, of course. But that was less strange and more just lovely.

The only thing that I could note that gave me pause was one of the boys from the school coming in. He handed me a book and paid. He just didn't make any conversation. He just stared at me with an odd smile before sniffing aggressively and leaving.

"Okay," I mumbled to myself.

"Those schoolboys," Arthur said, leaning against the counter. "He was probably drunk."

"Do you shop for books when you're drunk?"

"Do I think I can do normal things without anyone finding out that I'm drunk," he replied. "Absolutely."

I scoffed at him. "You are unbelievable sometimes."

He just shrugged at me. I turned back to our register, going through notes and checking some math.

"Where'd you get that watch," Arthur asked after a while.

I hummed and looked at him. He pointed at something at the counter. I looked down at the watch that was resting on my journal.

I picked it up, running my thumb along the design gently.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I've had it for as long as I can remember. Just always been there."

"What's the front mean?"

"Just some pretty art."

Arthur nodded. "I... Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I replied.

"There's this dance tonight," he said. "It's just a silly little event, but I was wondering if you wanted to go? With me?"

I was at a loss for words for a few moments. "Would that be appropriate? An employee and their employer?"

"I see nothing wrong with two friends going to an event together."

I smiled. "Alright. Sure. That sounds nice."

He let out a relieved sigh. "You would not believe how worried I was about that."

I chuckled.

"I... I can meet you here after you have some time to get ready?"

I nodded. "That sounds great."

"Alright, good."

That night, after taking some time to clean up after work, I walked to the front door of the shop to see Arthur standing there with a smile on his face. He was in a nice suit and was shifting his weight on his feet. He seemed nervous.

"You look great," he said.

"So do you," I replied. "Ready to go?"

He nodded, motioning in one direction with his hand. I chuckled and started walking with him.

"You know... I've worked with you for a while now," he said. "It's a family business, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Are your parents still with us," he asked.

"Oh, yes, they just retired and moved to have their own little perfect life," I grinned to myself. "They trust me."

"Where'd they move," he continued. "If you don't mind me asking."

"Gallifrey."

"Where's that? Ireland?"

I paused. It was like I suddenly didn't know. "Yeah. Yeah, it must be. Sorry, guess it's been a longer day than I knew."

"Hopefully, this dance will be less stressful."

"Hopefully."

We were just approaching the door as I spoke.

"Spare a penny for the veterans of Crimea," the man at the door asked.

Arthur responded before I could, dropping a penny into the man's hand.

I smiled as we made our way inside. It was the middle of a waltz.

"I should've gotten ready faster," I mumbled. "I've made us miss the first dance."

"We have the whole night," Arthur promised.

The two of us stood off to the side as we watched the dance continue. I must've stood in the way of the drinks because a man walked over, muttering a quick 'excuse me' to me.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly, stepping to the side.

"It's quite alright," the man replied. He held out a hand to me. "John."

"Jo," I smiled, shaking his hand. "You're not John Smith, are you?"

"I am," he nodded.

"I work in the bookshop in the village," I explained. "I... I own it, actually."

"Really? It's very nice to meet you."

"It's nice to finally put a face to the name I've been seeing so often," I chuckled. I motioned to Arthur. "This is Arthur. He works with me in the shop."

"Pleasure to meet you," John said, shaking Arthur's hand. "I should introduce you both to my date tonight. Joan. She's just... oh, no."

I followed the man's line of sight to see Martha sitting at the table with another woman.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Martha has been acting out lately."

"Really? She... She doesn't seem like the type."

He just shrugged at me.

I followed him over to the table. Arthur was only a few steps behind me.

"Oh, now, Martha, this is getting out of hand," John said as he made it over to her. "I must insist that you leave."

She held up a silver tube was a blue top. "Do you know what this is?"

John looked down at the device with something close to a scowl on his face.

"Name it. Go on, name it," she pushed. When he didn't speak, she turned to me. "What about you then?"

I shook my head, eyebrows furrowing at her.

John reached out for it. He turned it over a few times in his hand. I felt some odd sense of familiarity. Like I had seen it before.

"You aren't John Smith," Martha explained, looking back and forth between the two of us. "And you're not Jo. You're called the Doctor. You're called (Y/n). Those people in your journal. They're real. The Doctor is you, and this is (Y/n)."

I looked over at John. Something seemed to be clicking in his mind.

It'll feel like you've known him forever.

Those were Martha's words when I asked about him. Maybe I did. That was the trick. In some other life.

Before either one of us could speak, there were yells from the other side of the room.

"You will be silent!"

A man stormed in, a gun resting in his hand.

"All of you!"

A woman and the boy who had walked into my shop one day walked into the room, followed by a collection of scarecrows.

"Mr. Clark, what is going on," a man asked.

Mr. Clark- the first man to storm in- fired his gun, turning the man to dust.

"Hey!"

I grabbed Arthur's arm as he spoke. He shook my hand off of his arm as he stepped forward. The three people stared at him.

"I don't know what kind of joke you're attempting to play, but there is no reason to ruin these people's evening. Now, you need to leave-"

I jumped back as Mr. Clark shot at him. Arthur turned into ash right in front of me. I tried to step toward where he had been standing when John grabbed my arm. I looked at him, he had turned to look at me at the same time. He quickly let go of me. He seemed confused about why he did it.

"Everything I told you both, just forget it," Martha said. "Don't say anything."

"We asked for silence," the schoolboy snapped. "We only have questions for Mr. Smith and his friend, Jo."

"No, better than that," a little girl walked over to him. "They're the Time Lords. I heard them talking."

"You've taken human form," the boy laughed to himself.

"Of course, we're human," John spoke up for both of us. "We were born human, as were you, Baines. And Jenny. And you, Mr. Clark. What is going on? This is madness!"

"Ooh, and human brain too," Baines taunted. "Simple, thick, and dull."

"They are no good to us like this," Jenny looked at him.

"We need a Time Lord."

"Do you not understand that none of us know what that is," I asked, stepping forward.

"Oh, but you do," Baines replied. He stepped forward too and lifted his arm. I was suddenly looking down the barrel of a gun. "Change back."

"What?"

"Change back!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

I looked over as Jenny grabbed onto Martha.

"She's your friend, isn't she," she asked. I stepped back toward John. Another instinct that I couldn't explain. "Doesn't this scare you enough to change back?"

"Stop it," John stepped forward. "We don't know what you want-"

"Wait a minute," Jenny stopped him. "The maid told me about Smith and the matron."

Mr. Clark stormed over and grabbed Joan, holding the gun to her.

"Have you both enjoyed it," Baines asked. "Being human? Has it taught you wonderful things? Are you better, richer, wiser? Playtime's over now. Change back... or they both die."

There was only a moment of silence and tension before something caught their attention. It gave Martha enough time to grab Jenny's gun and get behind her. Martha pointed the gun at Baines.

"Alright," she snapped. "One more move and I shoot."

"Oh, the maid is full of fire!"

"And you can shut up!"

"Be careful son of mine," Mr. Clark said. "She's all for you so you can live forever."

"Shoot you down," Baines aimed at her.

"Try it," Martha snapped. "We'll die together."

"Would you really pull the trigger? You look too scared."

"Scared and holding a gun. It's a good combination. Wanna risk it?"

Baines lowered his gun, leading Mr. Clark to do the same thing. Joan came back over to us.

"You two, get everyone out," Martha instructed. "There's a door at the side. It's over there."

I just nodded. "Everyone! Let's go! Out!"

I heard someone walk up behind me. It was Joan.

"Don't argue, Mr. Jackson," she explained. "They're mad, that's all we need to know."

"Get out and go home. Get somewhere safe! Outside! All of you!"

"And you all," Martha shouted as the last few people shuffled out. "Go on, just shift."

"What about you," John asked.

"Mr. Smith, I think you should escort your lady friend to safety, don't you?"

After only a moment of hesitation, John ran out of the room with Joan.

"We're not just going to leave you," I snapped.

"(Y/n), please just leave," she begged. "You've already lost someone tonight."

I paused for another moment before running out behind the pair. They were standing outside still.

"We need to help her," I said. "She obviously cares a great deal about us. I am not just leaving her."

"Don't just stand there, move," I turned around as Martha ran out yelling. "God, you're rubbish as humans. Come on!"

"My shop," I muttered.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, but that's everything I have."

"No, (Y/n)-"

"That's not my name," I snapped before taking off.

I made it to the shop in what should've been record time. I locked the door and ran behind the counter.

I quickly stashed some belongings in a bag, ready to run for the hills if completely necessary. Some money, some books and photos, the watch. The damn watch.

I ducked under the counter when I heard a window in the front shatter.

"Where are you," I heard Jenny call out. "You can't hide forever. Not a very good way to live up to your namesake... Savior."

What a ridiculous name. Who would want to be called that? It would just be an absolutely stupid amount of pressure. No one deserved that.

I looked at the door to the back as some books were thrown from their shelves. The back door. For deliveries.

I crawled to the door, standing up to sprint once I knew that I was around the corner. I slammed through the door, relieved to not see any more of those scarecrow creatures.

I ran into the trees, trying to keep moving while staying hidden. Wasn't the easiest thing in the world.

I let out a breath when I spotted an empty house. No lights and it was tucked away in the middle of nowhere. I looked around the dark house. It was quiet. And safe. For now, at least.

I walked to the kitchen. I placed my bag on the family's table.

It felt like everything suddenly hit me.

That night had been hell.

I lost Arthur, I was told my entire life was a lie, and I was being hunted. It all was crumbling away too fast. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

I placed my hand over my mouth as my other hand leaned against the table. I tried to keep from sobbing loudly.

Why couldn't I have this life? Why couldn't I just be happy in this little quiet life? Why did I have to be the lie? Why couldn't (Y/n) be the lie? Why couldn't the Savior be that little story?

I jumped when I heard a door open. I panicked, grabbing a pan from the stove and stepping out. I let out a yell when I saw it was Martha, John, and Joan.

"(Y/n)," Martha said before pulling me into a hug. I stood frozen. "I thought you were dead."

"I... They attacked my shop. I had to run. I found this place while I was trying to hide."

John walked over to a chair and sat down. He looked so... disconnected.

"You haven't accepted it either," I said. He looked at me. "I... I'm still having trouble with the idea of... well, not being me."

He just took a deep breath.

"We have to go to them," he said. "Before anyone else dies."

"You can't," Joan shook her head.

"He's right," I shrugged.

"Martha, there must be something we can do," she looked to Martha.

"Not without the watches."

"You're this Doctor's companion, can't you help," John snapped. "What exactly do you do for him? Why does he need you?"

"Don't be an ass," I snapped back at him. "Martha just saved our lives. You don't get to belittle her just because she can't singlehandedly stop some kind of invasion!"

"Because they're lonely," Martha spoke up.

"And that's what you want us to become," the Doctor asked. My jaw clenched.

There was a knock on the door. Martha walked over slowly, pulling the door open. Another boy from the school walked in a moment later.

Martha held her hand out, showing a watch sitting in her palm. One that was almost identical to mine. I stood up and went over to my bag.

"Hold it," she told John.

"I won't."

"Please, just hold it," she begged.

"It told me to find you," the boy explained. "It wants to be held."

I picked up my watch, freezing for a moment. I could hear something. A whisper. Too quiet to make sense of it, but loud enough to know it was there.

"I didn't know you had one too," I said, walking over with my eyes still trained on the watch. "I... I've just always had it."

"Oh my God," Martha muttered as she looked at me.

"Something's whispering to me," I mumbled. "They sound scared."

"You... you were."

"What?"

"Just before you changed," she continued. "You were terrified. The Doctor had you go first because he knew how to use the machine and you didn't. He... He tried to calm you down, but I don't think he believed that it worked. He apologized the whole time."

"Why didn't you return Mr. Smith's watch before," Joan asked the boy.

"Because it was waiting," he explained. "And then, because I was scared. Of the Doctor."

"Why?"

"Because I've seen him."

I looked down at my watch again. My thumb traced the marks on the front. The Doctor. The Doctor was everything to them. They didn't want to go on without him, but if it meant his happiness, they were okay with that.

"And he's wonderful."

I hadn't noticed that I had zoned out.

There was an explosion outside a few moments later.

"They're destroying the village," Joan muttered, staring out the window.

John grabbed the watch from Martha.

"Can you hear it," the boy muttered.

John was staring at it like he was scared. "Like he's asleep. Waiting to waken."

"Why did he speak to me," the boy asked.

"Oh, low-level telepathic field, you were born with it," I muttered out. My eyes went wide. That was the watch. It was nice though. It felt right.

"Just an extra synaptic engram, causing-"

John cut himself off.

"Is that how he talks?"

"That's him," Martha said before looking at me. "And that was (Y/n). They sometimes do that. Bounce off each other like they're sharing a mind. Just open the watches, and they're back."

We all jumped at another explosion.

"Why," I asked. "Why do they do that?"

"Is it not obvious," she replied.

"They love each other, don't they?"

We all looked at Joan.

"Don't they?"

Martha nodded.

"You knew this all along and watched while Miss Redfern and I-"

"I didn't know how to stop you," she cut John off. "You gave me this list of things to watch out for, but that wasn't included."

"Falling in love didn't even occur to him?"

"Falling in love with someone else didn't occur to him!"

It made my stomach churn. The idea of actually being in love with someone. It was just different. Strange.

"It was always going to end," Martha explained. "The Family has a limited lifespan. That's why they need to consume a Time Lord. If they don't, then in three months, they die."

"So, you were going to execute me," John asked. "And Jo?"

"People are dying! They need them! I've only just met these people, but I still trust them with my life."

Martha looked at me. "You told me that you hated him at first. Despised him. But then, you found yourself falling for him and you said that it scared you so much you considered leaving."

She turned back to John. "You only told me because I pointed out that you were jealous of some guy. You would be happy to sacrifice the universe to save them."

I bit my lip.

"You two are blind idiots that don't realize that you're looking at each other the same way. But you're meant to be together. No matter where you go or what you do, there's some part of you circling each other."

There was another explosion. Closer this time.

"We... We can give them the watches," John said. "Just the watches. They get what they want, and we get to continue as we are."

"That's selfish," I snapped. "Incredibly selfish."

"He'll never let you do it," Martha shrugged.

"If they get what they want-"

"Then it all ends in destruction," Joan finished his sentence. "They will live forever. To breed and conquer. You wrote about it."

She looked over at the rest of us.

"Would you leave us alone, please?"

I nodded, leading the boy and Martha outside to leave them alone.

I looked down at the watch as I leaned against the wall. We stood there for far too long.

"I love him," I asked quietly. She nodded. "And we're both Time Lords?"

Another nod.

"And I told you?"

"You were scared," she explained. "You were scared that you were going to lose him and you just kind of blurted it out."

I nodded slowly.

"If I loved him, then I would save him, right? Let him be happy? Even if I wasn't?"

"You don't have to," she insisted. "He'll figure this out."

"He doesn't have to."

I walked away before she could stop me.

I tried to pretend that I hadn't heard what John and Joan had been talking about. Their future. Their future that couldn't be.

The two looked over at the sound of something walking in. I held my hands up for a moment.

"Give me the watch," I said, holding my hand out to him. "I'm going to open mine and hold onto yours. Creatures focus on chasing me and you two can live your lives in peace."

"You would sacrifice yourself for a man you barely know," Joan asked.

"According to Martha, I don't barely know him," I shrugged. "And if that version of me truly loved this Doctor so much, they would do this."

"I can't let you," John stood up, walking over to me.

"You don't get to choose if I do this," I replied. "It's my life. It's my choice."

"If this Doctor loved you," he stepped forward, "he wouldn't let you risk your life so carelessly."

"John, give me the watch."

There was a pause. Just a few moments where he looked ready to fight me on this subject. But it faded. Acceptance crossed his face as he sighed and held out the watch.

As I grabbed the watch, I saw flashes of another life. I closed my eyes for a moment. It was like a headache. It was... us. Running and laughing and hugging. It was all so clear. So much time locked away from us both.

I shook my head, going to take the watch. He stopped me, pulling it back toward him.

"I can't let you do this," he muttered. "He... He would be so angry. He can't lose you."

I took a deep breath. "John-"

"He promised to keep you safe."

He held out his hand to me.

"The watch," he instructed. "Now. He... He has a plan. I can hear it. Right in my ear. Like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Please."

I paused.

"Please."

I took a deep breath before handing it to him.

"Joan, will you please join Martha and Tim?"

She didn't say another word. She just walked out of the room.

"I'm going to open my watch," he explained. "And put some kind of filter on it. Then, you open yours and I'll do the same."

"That's it then," I asked. "You'll just walk away from this?"

"I saw how he sees you," he said. "If I didn't let him come back, I'd never forgive myself."

I just nodded.

"Here we go," he muttered.

I closed my eyes as his watch opened. It was a matter of moments before he pressed two fingers to his forehead.

"What was that," I asked.

"Disguise," he said simply. "I'll still appear human to the family. Simple trick, really.

"Oh," I mumbled. "The Doctor... you're back then? John's gone."

"Not completely," he explained, stepping toward me. "He's still in here somewhere."

I nodded.

"Your turn," he nodded toward my watch.

I took a deep breath before pressing on the button on the top. I flinched a little at the noise before my brain seemed to adjust to it. It was all back. Every moment of it. My life.

I closed the watch as soon as I seemed to be back to normal, closing my eyes for a moment. The Doctor pressed two fingers to my forehead as I did. Good old Gallifreyan mind powers.

"There you go," he mumbled to me. "You should be safe now."

"I never thought about how weird that would feel."

He chuckled. I looked at him.

"Hi," I said through a sigh, grinning.

"Hi," he replied, smiling back at me. "I'll take care of the family. Wait here. Keep them safe."

I nodded.

The Doctor took off running.

"Come on," I said, waving at the others. Once everyone was inside and locked away. "We are going to stay here until the Doctor comes to get us. I do not care what you hear or see, stay here unless I tell you to leave. Do you understand?"

I was shocked when Martha jumped forward and hugged me.

"God, I missed you," she muttered in my ear.

"I missed you too," I replied.

We waited in that house for almost the whole night. I made everyone else try to get some rest. I could stay awake for far longer than the rest of them. I would rather be the first one facing the family if they were to find us.

Martha and I didn't start our trip back to the TARDIS until the Doctor found the house again. Joan stayed back to talk to the Doctor. The boy went back to the school.

It felt like coming home.

Walking through the TARDIS doors felt different now that I was back to normal. All that I had wanted was back to normal.

Except for the truth that I now had to properly confront.

Martha and I didn't speak until we had both changed and found our way to the console.

"How much do you remember," Martha asked as I walked in. "Of your time being human?"

"All of it," I replied. "It's just tucked away. Like an old coat put in a closet."

"And before that? Before you guys changed?"

I closed my eyes for a moment as the memory of using the chameleon arch filled my mind. Regeneration was a burst of energy. A fire burning everything in its path. This was like that fire had been forcibly contained within my body. It was far more painful.

"All of it," I muttered. "But it's fine now. We're fine."

Martha frowned for a moment.

"Hey," I walked over and grabbed her arm. "We're fine."

She just nodded. I grinned at her before stepping back.

I looked at the door. I started walking over to it.

"I'm going to wait outside for the Doctor to come back," I said, pointing toward the door.

She chuckled at me and nodded again.

"Alright," she replied in a teasing tone.

I froze for a moment, trying to find a decent comeback. "Shut up!"

She just laughed to herself as I made my way outside.

I leaned against the TARDIS for a little while, scanning the horizon for a sign of the Doctor. I felt a wave of relief when I saw him walking over.

He grinned when he saw that I was outside.

"Hey-"

I ran over and pulled him into a hug. He let out a happy laugh as he hugged me back.

"Sorry," I muttered as I stepped back. "Haven't had a chance to do that yet."

"It's fine," he shook his head before reaching forward and touching my forehead. "There you go. Back to normal. Come on."

The silence turned awkward as we walked. Everything that had been said between us was suddenly the only thing that I could think of. I paused outside the doors, looking back at him.

"Martha... Martha would've said anything to get us to come back, right," I asked.

"Oh, yeah, absolutely," he nodded. "Of course, she would."

We stood there for another moment. I took a deep breath before going to walk inside. The Doctor grabbed my arm before I could go anywhere. I looked at him.

"What-"

He leaned over and pressed his lips to mine. His hands cupped the sides of my face. I was suddenly very aware of how little I had lived outside of my routine back on Gallifrey. This was all so new to me. I laid my hands on his shoulders, not knowing what else I should've actually done.

But then, through all of the confusion and not knowing was him. The Doctor. The first person to ever see me as more than some weird weapon or a destiny waiting to be fulfilled. I wasn't a thing that had been locked away in a little room, waiting for the time when I would have to be useful. To him, I was just me. With him, I was able to just be me.

And that mattered to me more than anything else.

The Doctor leaned back slowly, not moving very far away from me. He grinned at me. I felt completely lost for what to do or say. I just knew that I liked it. I liked feeling like this.

"I... I should- um- We should head inside," I managed to mutter out.

"Yeah, of course," he nodded, still smiling at me.

I walked into the TARDIS. He was stopped when someone spoke up, but he just held up his index finger, asking me to wait inside. I nodded.

I looked over at Martha, who was leaning on the console.

"So... you two were out there for a while," she noted, a small smirk on her face.

"Yeah," I nodded, feeling my face warm up and looking down.

"What is it?"

"Well... we kissed- he kissed me."

"Oh my God," I was shocked when she ran forward and hugged me. "I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks," I replied as I stepped back.

We couldn't talk about it much after because the Doctor walked in. I waved at him. He shook his head as he chuckled and waved back.

"So, happy couple," Martha teased. "Where to next?"

"There's actually somewhere I need to go," the Doctor said. "Somewhere important."

The two of us nodded, causing him to zoom off around the console.

We stepped outside to find ourselves on the outskirts of a funeral. A funeral for a soldier.

Oh.

I understood now. The boy at the school. The one who had found the Doctor's watch. The Doctor had come to see him.

I reached over and took the Doctor's hand. We looked at each other. He grinned at me. I grinned back.

And it all settled. Any dust, any doubts, any 'what ifs'. All of them settled around us.

For once, there was a clear path in a part of our lives.

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Author's Note: Fun fact for you, through all of the versions of this OC that I've gone through (there have been a lot), this point remained constant. This was always going to be when the Doctor and the Savior first kissed.

Oh, and during one of the earlier rewrites (before it was an x reader), when the Savior was choosing a new name, it was going to be Jo, which was a reference to Jo March from Little Women.

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Some Original Characters

[kedreeva]

Kedreeva im fucking losing it ill have you know that you are SOLELY personally responsible for me being about to start watching stranger things after avoiding it like the plague for actual fucking years

Wanna know how that came to be? Cause its fukcing hysterical and im losing my fucking mind

I ENDED UP READING FICS YOU REBLOGGED SINCE YOU PUT THEM ON MY DASH AND I DIDNT _Know_ THEY WERE STRANGER THINGS FICS AT FIRST AND I GOT REALLY INTO THEM LIKE REALLY REALLY INTO THEM WITHOUT KNOWING FUCK ALL ABOUT THE CHARACTERS RIGHT

And then i go in the tag and FIND OUT but goddamn the fics were good so i just kind of accepted my fucking fate and thats how i ended up pulling an all nighter in order to read a whole damned h/c steddie fic and after that i have simply accepted my fucking L and come to terms with the fact that i have become EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED to characters from a show i know NOTHING about and have begun HYPERFIXATING ON SOMETHING FROM A SHOW I HAVE NEVER WATCHED AND KNOW NOTHING ABOUT because i am NOTHING if not the most Massive Clown in Clownville and now im finally fucking caving and about yo start watching the damned thing

I blame you FULLY for the circus show that i have been the frontman of lately

okay but LISTEN I didn't WRITE those fics (unless I did), I was just REBLOGGING them because fic deserves to be REBLOGGED and because it's GOOD there are some GOOD fuckin' writers in this fandom and they are in LOVE right now with Steddie and SO AM I. And if I have to go to hell in this handbasket, I'm not going ALONE.

but also listen. First season Stranger Things? Phenomenal. Second season was okay plot wise, but 2 and 3 and 4 are basically carried by the actors throwing their ENTIRE HEARTS AND SOULS into their characters. Literally nothing sensical could be going on plot wise and you'd still fall in love with the characters because they're fucking awesome. You've got a GREAT set of characters, a GREAT setting. The only fucked up part is the plot and GUESS WHAT. That's where the fic writers are LIVING. We are THRIVING in that sweet spot of being given 2 out of 3 of the things a good show needs to be a great show. That's why all the fic is so good.

Anyway, I hope you fall in love with even more characters and have additional sobbing breakdowns over them. All of them. I have no regrets and will continue to reblog cute fic specifically at you in my mind now.

[purplerose244]

My thoughts on the (first?) 12 episodes of Ninjago Crystalized!!!

(SPOILERS ALERT)

SO THE EPISODES DROPPED ALL AT THE SAME TIME APPARENTLY? SO I'M JUST GONNA PUT TOGETHER SOME THOUGHTS I GUESS??? 🤯🤯🤯

FAREWELL THE SEA

Starting from the grief I see 😢

Who the freak are these new ninja I kinda love them actually? 🤣

Okay so new mayor, guess we'll never meet the other one... and this one complains that while saving the world 15 times the ninja do collateral damage. Poor baby has to spend money for the city while instead they could HAVE IT DESTROYED SINCE THANKS TO THE NINJA IT WAS SAVED 15 TIMES ALREADY

(The damage is a fair point but dang at least a thank you 😅)

Zane is coping in his way, it would be very unhealthy if he wasn't a robot... it isn't anyway but whatever 😅

Tiny Benthomaar mention, I hope shark baby is doing okay 🥰🥰

KAI IS A TEACHER 😍😍 Honestly he's still my fave, even though the focus is clearly over Jay's situation and how he loves Nya, WHICH I LOVE, but my flame babe used to be so loving in the past seasons I feel like he's less now 😢

LLOYD ACTUALLY ALMOST MADE ME TEAR UP THE POOR BABY

Whoa it's been a year already?!? DANG!

Poor Jay Jay, of course he would break down like that... and be extremely dramatic while at it, because the glasses and the paintings and the FAKE BEARD 😂 We sacrificed mechanic Jay but we kept his drama queen side

The lanterns are beautiful 😢😢

THE CALL OF HOME

NEW REMIX AND IT'S AWESOME 🤩🤩

OMG this part is absolutely beautiful, you can feel how Nya truly doesn't remember but a part of her wishes to put the pieces together

Top voice acting Kelly, since last season it just keeps getting better 😎

NYA MY GIRL IS BACK I KNEW IT 😍😍😍

NYA REMEMBERS SKYBOUND 🤯 Against popular opinion it's actually one of my favorite seasons so I'm happy, also a reminder of the old designs is always nostalgic 💕

Nyad looks nice, it's sad that she doesn't remember her old life anymore. How the world move on, how her family and friends are likely no more, how the masters of water are moving forward without her...

THE SHAPE OF NYA

Alright I see what you did there 😂

Okay cool and all that they say that Nya was the glue and they weren't a team before... except they kinda were 😅 Alright I'm getting too caught up over this, I know the sense, whatever but still don't you forget the origins

As always the ninja get out of practice when a member get lost, which makes sense honestly but still after 15 seasons it gets a bit old...

NINJA, NINJA EVERYWHERE!

"How did you they do it so quickly?" You used to be quicker honey 😅

... okay I don't like the new ninja anymore

Nah, wait, maybe they need a couple of season themselves to go through all lessons and crap in order to be pure and everything... only to end up breaking the law apparently 😂

So the main villain is Harumi right? The spoilers where everywhere so no surprise there

I just... hope it will make sense? It felt like Harumi's arc was over or at least it had ended with her learning something from that scene of the building? Now she's back at it again? I don't know, I guess we'll ser

THE GIRLS KAI AND JAY ARE FIGHTING

Whoa, I didn't expect Jay to throw the first kick honestly, dang he got more reckless than I remember him being...

NYA IS HERE!

NYA IS FROZEN! SOMEONE MAKE A PUN!

Oh. Oh no no no not Aspheera 😱

Oh come on is this why you're gonna get arrested?? Guuuuyyysss this is the Fire Chapter all over agaaaaiiinnn where you gooo purposely looking for troubleeeee 😖😖😖

Isn't vengestone enough? Make a cute armor of vengestone for her? I I don't know 😅

Wait we're gonna ignore the fight? I doubt Kai and Jay are back full good terms right away... or maybe we're ignoring this in favor of the plot 😅

A MAYOR PROBLEM

Hi mayor, are you a bad guy too?

I mean, yeah that was sarcasm, but they also DID protect the city? It got damage yeah, did you prefer have it conquered or destroyed? I get his motivation but honestly there is like zero gratefulness over here 😅

I liked the unnamed old mayor better lol

I'm with Wu here, this is a massive bad idea

SKYLOOOOORRR 😍😍😍😍😍😍 QUEENS RETURNING LEFT AND RIGHT

I can't tell if I like emotionless Zane or not, he's funny and all but also I miss him being quirky and adorably clueless 😚

Jay was blabbering again! That's comforting actually 😂😂

THIS IS A BAD IDEA

YEP YEP YEP LOOKING BAD

I missed Jay and Cole going together on a mission just the two of them 🖤💙🖤💙

SKY AND PIX HOLD ON

PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER 1, 2, 3, 4 AND 5!

The mayor's cat is so weird 😂😂

New new ninja lol

Not creative enough for you? Black is kinda the only color that makes sense to warriors that work in the shadows 🤣

THIS. IS. A. BAD. IDEA.

Pixal surely can ask her father to steal a staff 😂😂, "Oh nice to know she is making new experiences!"

"When things don't make sense I just ignore them." That's kinda Kai actually ❤

T H I S I S A B A D I D E A

Okay this is reckless even for them, and highly illegal, so while prison sounds a bit much I do understand the reason why this ended the way it did for the guys (judging by the trailer)

Old timers aren't that bad huh 🙃

OKINO HI 😀😀

WEEKEND WHIP YAS 😃😃😃😃

Ships have been flying in Ninjago for years, why not trucks? 😂

Yep, enemies confirmed, and for kind of a good reason this time 😅 Sorry guys, this time you kinda looked for it... BUT FOR OUR GODDESS NYA THIS AND MORE 😭😭😭

A PAINFUL PROMISE

PAINFUL PROMISE?? NO PAINFUL! WHY PAINFUL??? NOOOOOO-

The Golden Weapons 😍

Aspheera makes origami lol

"Don't make me a villain! I didn't make fire snakes fall from the sky and I surely didn't try to kill your pupils! YOU BETRAYED ME THAT ONE TIME WHEN YOU WERE A KID!"

WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THESE CHALLENGES I'M DYING 😂😂😂

Wuser... I kinda like that one lol

Of course it's not gonna be that easy, or course it's gonna be like that...

NO NO NO NO NO WE'RE SO CLOSE GO AWAY FREAKING NEW NINJA DON'T INTERRUPT THE AWAKENING OF THE QUEEN DON'T-

Lol they do have a catchphase of just three syllables, NINJAGOOO 😂

Fighting fighting fighting

MY GIRL IS BAAAAAAACK 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

Alright I do like that what happened in the Fire Chapter comes back here and is used, the power draining staff, nice

Lloyd is such a good boy 💚 He likely made a mistake but he's honest at least

And now they are giving themselves in because they do what's right not matter what, and they don't even care because Nya is okay and that's all that matters and I LOVE MY BOYS SO FREAKING MUCH 😍😍😍

The council of the Crystal King huh? Hi Harumi how're you doing 😅

Or Garmadon? I doubt it though

NINJAGO CITY VS NINJA

Aaaaallllright, are we having a trial of some sort over here? Because the guys messed up pretty bad but they seriously put the heroes of the land in prison for one mistake THAT STILL brought back another one of those heroes?

Not gonna lie though it's a pretty complicated situation law speaking

DARETH! 🤎🤎🤎

Wow he actually somehow went to law school? Good for you, right before learning to speak to the fishes 😂😂

Hey Antonia and Nelson are there! 🤩

Okay the judge kinda took into account them being the saviors of it all... and put them where they got all of their old friends 😅 I guess they could spend some social work time being prison guards as well

Zane is that meme of letting everything out during yoga lesson 😂

Aww Lloyd believes in Dareth 🤎

OMG IS THIS WHY WE GOT A SAMURAI X IN THE TRAILER??? IS NYA COMING BACK AS SAMURAI X??? THAT'S AMAZING BUT ALSO WHAT ABOUT PIXAL??? OMG OMG OMG

Ronin! Your hair are so shiny 😅😅 Aaaand he's a bad guy again, which is not a given considering that he did help before 😅

Aww the officer is kinda nice

Whoops a visitor... hi Harumi 🙂

If that's a Harumi then didn't you already watched Lloyd's face as you took everything from him? Back in Sons of Garmadon? Wait she's not the crystal king? Is she putting Garmy on top again or something?

Lol Lloyd reminding us all that he's the best ninja of Ninjago still! Look at him go! SHOW THEM BABY GO GO GO!

(he's making it worse but looking great while at it go sweetie 💚)

Oh, Vanya's dad again... who cares where's best girl Vanya 💛💛💛

KRYPTARIUM PRISON BLUES

Pff please someone gives Skylor civilian clothes! I love her ninja suit but she deserves a bit of something else 😅 Also for Sky being back there so little Kailor? I wonder if we're gonna get some later, been a while 🧡❤🧡❤

Aww little Jay and Kai moment, this is what I like! I forgive you for the fight 💙❤💙❤

Nya is having a tough time huh 😢

The prison cake is a lie 🤯🤯🤯

Yep, Kai throwing the first tray during the fight, this is more like him 😂

PIXAL AND NYA BUILDING SOMETHING TOGETHER!! THE TWO SAMURAI AT IT FOR THE FUTURE!! So we're getting two samurai now? ... EXCELLENT 🤩🤩

It's kind of hilarious that Kai might have the potential of becoming a criminal if he wasn't such a believer of justice 😂

It might be interesting seeing Pythor in action again, been a while since the big serpentine era and he's supposed to descend from the strongest tribe of them. Give me something good you old timer 😉😉

Making it guys worse, making it much worse...

This season is literally a Murphy Law spiral, the poor ninja 😅😅

GROUNDHOG MCBRAG

Well this is a fascinating name

FUGIDOVE!!! Finally facing his nemesis! Jay don't fight the rivalry, you are Perry the Platypus and he's your Doof 😂

Pff hi Dareth 🤎

NYA IS HERE 😍😍😍😍😍

SAMURAI X IS HERE 😍😍😍 I missed seeing her in a suit, I love her as master of water but I've known her like this first 💕💕

Yep, this is why the past mayor never showed up, too much chaos in one day 😅

I LOVE THAT LITTLE SHIP GAG WITH THE COMMISSIONER OFFICER 😂😂😂 It makes me laugh so much

Fugidove is here too?? Lol I kinda love this development, he's hilarious

Fugidove and Jaybird, the amazing pair... oh someone is so going to ship them, i can feel it, you even got free pet names for the ride! 💙💙💙 Yep I can see it

LEGO SWEAT LOL

Twitchy is coming back? There are some weird comebacks this season 😂

Who is this McBrag guy 😅😅

NO DON'T SPLIT UP. NEVER SPLIT UP.

THE BENEFIT OF GRIEF

The Benefit of Grief? Well that's a very interesting title, and with Zane's voice, I'm kinda curious honestly!

HUMAN ZANE BEING A WHILE! 🤍

Who is this cutie? She looks adorable!

Sally, aww! I like this song, it's such a lovely tune! I like her already!

LOVE SUPPORTING NINJA! 🤍❤🤍❤

Oh Sally ran away from home? We got a bit of a side character backstory, that's nice, like with Nelson and Antonia with the past! It's always nice to see Ninjago civilians! 💕

Whoa she's intense!

Whoa the dude is intense too!

OH DEAR LORD THEY JUST FELL

OH DEAR LORD HE JUMPED IN TOO

Who is this guy? Why is he here? Where was he in the past 15 seasons? Why cool civilians appear only against the ninja 😅

Sally you got a bit of turbolent emotions over here, you need help maybe

ZANE HELP

ZANE HELPED 🤍 ALSO HE MENTIONED DR JULIEN THAT'S ALWAYS NICE

ZANE IS BACK BEING LOVELY 😍😍

THE FIFTH VILLAIN

Whoa already at episode 11? There are 12 so far? Probably more? So far it's a pretty good season I would say! Pretty intense too! If they are gathering all villains then there gotta be more episodes to come

Pff Fugidove is blabbering like Jay does with everyone, this is karma

FUGIDOVE AND BLUEJAY!! 💙💙💙 I LOVE THIS PROBABLY MORE THAN I SHOULD I DON'T EVEN KNOW

A Crystal Council? Like the League of Doom? That might actually be interesting

Twitchy! Been a while! Not the best season but still I like the guy!

The Mechanic did some stuff in the past but was still a bit of a servant in comparison to Unagami, kinda like Clouse 😅

Poor Twitchy...

Did Fugidove just save Jaybird? DID FUGIDOVE JUST SAVE THE NINJA?? ... is Fugidove gonna be the one switching sides? Because that was pretty freaking cool of him 😊😊

Spinjitzu used to be such a strong power, now everything can counter it... kinda sad 😅

NO NO NO DON'T LEAVE LLOYD ALONE-

That was actually a good impression of the Mechanic not gonna lie 😂 Alright Lloydy let's see where this goes, twelth episode!

THE COUNCIL OF THE CRYSTAL KING

I'M SCARED

Always the track for noodles! Skylor must be loaded by now 😂

"Jay was right?" Gotta happen sometimes

DANG IT JAY AND COLE YOU HAD ONE JOB! Sometimes they make the perfect combo while sometimes they have one brain cell in two and neither of them is keeping it 😅

GUYS DON'T LEAVE LLOYD ALONE PLEASE IT'S NEVER GOOD WHEN HE'S ALONE 😱😱

You guys really have to train a bit after this

NO NO NO NO WHERE'S LLOYD 😱😱😱😱

MR. E?!?!?!??!?! ARE WE DOING THE ECHO ZANE THING RIGHT ABOUT NOW???

Not wait rebuilt? I guess not then?

An impostor

Among

Us

... WE ALL THOUGHT ABOUT IT DON'T LIE THE SOUND IS IN YOUR HEAD 😂

Is the Crystal King the Overlord maybe? That would kinda make sense but why right now? Is there a reason for it?

Lloyd really just did the "what's that" prank

Hey the Spinjitzu does work!!

Oh never mind

IT IS HARUMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 ... I mean we knew, but DANG that freaking creepy song really got to me right now 😅

Still, really? I thought she had a bit of realization that by doing bad you're gonna hurt others like you were hurt too, so what is this?

Well guess this is it...

... WHY IT'S ALWAYS LLOYD THE ONE GETTING TRAPPED 😭😭😭😭

[sallyf4ce]

wolves

chapter IV

-> sally face x f!reader

-> enemies? to lovers

-> previous | next

cw: drugs, cigarettes, violence, homophobia

*does not follow original plot of sally face*

summary: (y/n) and travis make up (ish), (y/n) gets hurt again (you really shouldn’t be surprised), larry gets a little moody (i don’t think he likes (y/n) very much), sal makes a move on (y/n) (although he doesn’t know he did)

“You’re (y/n), right? New kid?” Travis looks at you as you press the wet cloth to your nose. You nod.

“How’d you know?”

“Sal said it. he muttered. The disgusted look on his face was proven a facade by the blush on his cheeks.

“You’re in love, buddy.” you laugh.

“No i’m fucking not! You’re so fucking stupid, what the fuck? Who could love a faggot like Sally f-” you cut him off my shoving his head into the wall roughly. You don’t know what came over you, but being homophobic is still homophobic even if you’re in denial. You convinced yourself that it wasn’t about sally, it was just you being an ally. Way to kill the mood, travis.

“You pull that shit one more time and I'll leave you without teeth, blondie. Or would you rather i tell your dad that you hit girls?”

He squirms underneath your palm. “Sorry.” he looks at you with a pleading face.

You sigh and let him go. “S’fine. You need to learn how to control your anger, though, fuckface. You’re not gonna get anywhere with that attitude.” stuffing the bloody towel in your bag, you lead him out the door.

“I hate you.” Travis scoffs.

“What did i say?”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

“Larry, she’s already closer to travis than she is to us and they just met. Travis is a full-on dick, and they’re being all friendly! I didnt even know that was possible!” Sal chucks his bag in his locker. He hasn’t known you for long, but longer than travis! Plus he’s way nicer, too! Why’d you have to go and get all friendly with his bully?

“I don’t fucking like it either, sally face. Maybe we should just stay away from them.” Larry crossed his arms and leaned against the lockers.

Sal didn’t want to stay away from you, though. You were sweet, he was sure, just a little distant. Plus you just sort of intrigued him. He wanted to know why you were like this, what happened to you, why you had a prosthetic. Maybe it was hypocritical of him, though. He's only told Larry and Ashley about what happened to him, so he shouldn’t be picking at your trauma. you’ll tell him when you feel comfortable with it, but you’d need to be comfortable with him for that. and right now, it seems like you’re pretty comfortable with his bully.

“let’s go, dude. class starts in 5.”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

After grabbing your schedule with Travis, you set your stuff in your new locker (which smelled pretty good, surprisingly.) and began walking to your first class, math. Travis laughed at you when you read your schedule outloud and you gave him a whack on the head. What an idiot. He headed off to his first class, english.

you opened the door to the classroom and coughed to get the attention of the teacher, Mrs. Packerton.

“Ah, lovely! Class, say hi to (y/n) (l/n)!” she smiles as you awkwardly wave.

“You’ll be sitting in the back, right beside Sal.” an inaudible groan leaves your cracked lips as you make your way towards him, trying not to make eye contact.

“uh, here.” he moves over. you plop yourself down next to him and open your notebook.

“we’re doing a test right now. i’m pretty sure you won’t have to do it, since it’s your first day and all.” his blue hair bounces as he looks over to you again. it looks fluffy.

“you wanna touch it?” he chuckles. you don’t want to come off creepy, but he’s offering, right?

you reach out your prosthetic hand but quickly pull it back and switch it, realizing you can’t actually feel with it. he chuckles at your mistake and leans in to your touch.

you were right. it felt like clouds, puffy but still silky. it wasn’t combed properly, though.

“Mr. Fisher and Mrs. (L/n), you little lovebirds. hands to yourselves, please.” Mrs. Packerton laughs a little. “Ah, young love.”

you quickly pull your hand back and flush.

“stupid old lady.” you mutter.

“Mrs. P’s nice, she’s just a little… enamoured in her students’ love lives.” sal laughs.

“stop, you’re making her sound like a pedophile!” you cover your mouth to suppress your laugh and sal’s face heats up even more. He made you laugh!

You both quieted down as Sal continued his test and you doodled in your sketchbook.

“are you okay? after travis, you know.” he hummed, a mix of concern and jealousy swirling in his eyes.

“uh, yeah. i’m fine.”

“You sure? Your lips look pretty busted.”

“It’s all good.”

“why do you hang out with him, anyway?” he turned his test upside down and faced you again.

“what do you mean?” you’re confused.

“he hit you in the face first thing in the morning. If i was you, i wouldn't really like him.” sal gripped his pencil.

“are you jealous?” you question, a smirk on your face.

“No.” his expression is hidden behind his mask. you look into his eyes, trying to make him blush.

the blue is a different blue than the one you saw yesterday. it’s lighter, almost like a porcelain blue.

“whatever you say, porcelain face.”

“porcelain face?”

“your mask, and your eyes, i guess. they’re like a porcelain doll’s.”

he hums.

“what are you then? metal hand? cyborg? fist of steel?”

“you forgot iron fist.”

“iron fist?”

“sure.” you grin. sal’s heart flutters again.

“Alright children, please hand in your tests and nicely file out the class. The bell will ring any moment.” Mrs. Packerton smiles sweetly and starts collecting tests. You grab your bag and leave the class.

Sal looked around the room for a bit, looking for you. A flash of (h/c) hair leaving the room catches his eyes. He tries running after you, but you’re already heading towards your next class.

•Lunch time•

“Shut the fuck up, Trav. I said she was stupid, not stupid hot. I don't know where you got hot from! I literally never said it.” You shoved his shoulder. He just snickered and continued teasing you.

“Hey, (y/n)! Come have lunch with us!” Sal saw you walking with travis. He waved you over from the cafeteria. Travis immediately stopped laughing and sneered. He quickly began walking over to sal, raising his fist.

“Leave us alone, fucking fag-” travis swung at sal but you stepped in front of them, raising your arm to cover sal’s face since he was taller.

Travis throws punches like a wrestler, You already knew that. Maybe you shouldn't have used your real hand to catch it.

His fist slammed into your forearm roughly and you flinched.

“Fuck- travis, go cool off. Now. Leave.” you hold onto your arm. It stings, but it's not broken. You’ll be fine.

“You’re all a bunch of-” he stops mid sentence as you give him a glare. It sort of said ‘you’re gay too, dumbass.’ he scrunched his eyebrows and walked off.

“Oh my fucking god!” a girl with brown hair ran over to you and lightly grabbed your arm.

“This her, sal? Are you (Y/n)?” she looked at you. She seemed very sweet. Kind of reminded you of your cousin.

“Uh- yeah- can you let go?”

She smiles in apology and lets go.

“You didn't have to do that, (y/n).” sal scratches the back of his head. You’ve gotten hurt twice because of him. How are you supposed to be friends if the only thing sal does is hurt you?

“I think maple might have an ice pack in her lunch. Can you come sit with us?” He hopes you say yes.

“Yeah, okay.” you needed the ice pack and travis was nowhere to be seen, so you didn’t really have a choice.

“Hey, (y/n).” Larry grumbles as you walk to their table. It seems he’s upset with you.

“I just saved your buddy from travis. Not to your liking or something?” you look up to him. If something’s wrong, he should just fucking say it. Not beat around the bush like a pussy.

“Yeah. you and travis seem to be getting along well.” he finally makes eye contact with you. Sal and the girl seem uncomfortable.

“We all got our issues, asshole. Some of us just know how to deal with them better than others.” You sneer. He’s allowed not to like Travis, but he’s not allowed to be a bitch to you because you actually understand his actions and choose to help him instead of ignoring him.

“Whatever.” he spits. You turn to sal.

“I’ll get my own ice.” you begin walking away. “Also, watch your dog.” you hear sal chuckle as larry groans. He walks up to you before you can leave, Larry throwing his arms up in the air in disbelief.

“Hey, uh, (y/n)? I’m sorry you got hurt. Could- could i make it up to you somehow?” his hand is on yours. It’s warm, he’s probably blushing hard under his mask.

“Sure, sally. How would you do that?” you spin around to face him. You can see his mask rise a little and his smile peaks through.

“Do you have a phone?” he pulls his cell out. It’s just a simple black flip-phone with a few paint splatters.

“I do, it’s in my locker. I dont have my number memorized, though. Stupid area codes.” you mumble. “You wanna come get it with me?”

Sal looks back to his friends. Ash is nodding frantically while Larry twirls a cigarette through his fingers, still mad.

“Alright.”

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