#i didn't experience this

[boowhumps]

Whumpril 2024

Day 8 - Bloodshot

⚠TW⚠

- Swearing

- Implied SA (PRESENT TIME, NOT FLASHBACKS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)

- Mentions of Alcohol

- Mentions of Drug Use

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on Karyme, it'll be fun!" Sam whined. "A party at Jakson's house, unsupervised, with free drinks!"

Karyme rolls her eyes, twirling a strand of hair with her finger. "Not a chance, plus, I doubt they would invite a loser like me."

Sam frowns. "C'mon, I don't want to go by myself!"

"Ask Leony or Jayden to go with you then." Karyme replies. "Or get a date, I don't know.."

Sam sinks in his seat, arms crossed. "Leony is busy, and Jayden already has a date, I don't want to third wheel.."

Karyme sighs. "Then don't go."

Sam groans. "For the love of Selyna you are impossible sometimes.."

Karyme smirks. "It's a part of my charm."

Sam huffs as the room falls back into silence. Neither of them speak for a bit until Sam starts to whine again.

"Karymeeeee.." He whines. "Pleaseeeee-! I swear will never ask for anything from you ever againnnn-!"

Karyme holds her head in her hands, groaning. "Sam.."

"PLEASE-"

Karyme snaps. "Oh for fucks sake, if I say I'll think about it will you cut it out?!"

Sam aimles, nodding in excitement.

Karyme shakes her head, pushing her earbuds back into her ears as she begins to tune Sam out.

There was no way in hell that she would even be allowed in that party. Jakson was her ex, for one, and also, Jakson's new girl, Nicki, had it out for her.

Those two would either humiliate her, or worse. Dear Selyna she didn't want to think about it..

But Sam was so damn persistent, and Karyme would be lying if she said she didn't want to take advantage of those free drinks..

...

Well.. what's the worst that could happen?

It's only a party after all.

~~~~~~~~~~

Karyme walked the hallways of her school, her earbuds playing her favorite song softly. She was trying to get to class, but suddenly, an arm reached out and pulled her into a room.

Karyme yelped as she was pulled into the library. She turned in anger to face Jakson.

"Chill out Karyme, it's just me." He says nonchalantly.

Karyme narrows her eyes. "I can fucking see that."

He sighs. "Are you still upset over our breakup?"

Karyme crosses her arms. "Why would I be, it's a relief to be away from you."

Jakson huffs. "Whatever.." He looks back at Karyme. "I need to talk to you about something."

"And this couldn't wait until after class?" Karyme asks.

Jakson gives her a look. "Well, yes, but I need to know something, urgently."

Karyme sighs. "Then make it quick."

Jakson nods. "Right, well, I'm having a party this weekend, and I was wondering if-"

"No."

"What-? I didn't even finish-"

"The answer is no, Jakson." Karyme says. "Your girlfriend's an asshole, and frankly, being in the same area as you isn't how I want to spend my weekend."

Jakson frowns. "Do you have anything better to do?"

Karyme blinks. "Well, no, but-"

"Then it's settled!" Jakson claps. "I'll see you at my party, this Saturday, at 8."

Karyme opens her mouth to speak, but Jakson is already walking off.

"Oh, before I go, here." He says, tossing Karyme a piece of paper. "Give this to your teacher, that way you aren't marked tardy." He finishes, walking out of the library.

Karyme hear the door slam, and immediately groans in frustration.

Now she has to excuse not to go..

Oh Selyna, this party was going to be a nightmare..

~~~~~~~~~~

"So that means you're going?" Sam asks.

Currently, Sam, Karyme, and Jayden were walking home.

"I don't really have a choice, now do I?" Karyme shrugs. "My plan is to chill there for a bit, and then ditch when no ones looking."

Jayden hums. "Sounds like Jakson really wants you there.."

Karyme sighs. "Yeah.. it's weird.."

Sam frowns. "Don't overthink it, he's probably just trying to make up for the shit he did." He rolls his eyes. "As if a party will make up for cheating on you."

Karyme looks at the ground. "Maybe he's genuinely changed.."

Jayden gives Karyme a look. "Girl, you better not go back to him."

Karyme perks up. "Oh Selyna no, I would never, I was just thinking.."

"Well stop that." Sam says. "Instead, when you get there, focus on the party." Karyme nods along to her friend's words of advice.

Maybe this would actually be fun, all she had to do was avoid Jakson and Nicki, easy..

..right..?

~~~~~~~~~~

Days went by fast, and soon it was Saturday. Karyme found herself in front of a mirror, looking at herself.

Her sister had helped style her hair, as well as apply makeup. The came Karyme's dress, a vintage Victorian-Style black lace dress, by far her favorite thing in her closet.

As she waiting for Jayden to pick her up, she ran through her main point.

"Ignore everyone, and just have fun."

Seemed simple enough, so Karyme felt like she could do it.

It didn't take long for Karyme to hear a honk outside her house. Karyme rushed down the stairs, only to be stopped by her parents.

"Karyme." Her mother says.

Karyme freezes, suddenly directing all her attention to her parents.

"Remember now, don't make a fool of yourself, or the Ceers won't accept us." She says coldly, her father nodding along.

Karyme nods slowly, before brushing past her parents and out the door.

Every step she took was careful, precise, perfect..

She couldn't- no, she wouldn't mess up.

She sighs as she takes a seat in Jayden's car. Jayden eyes her for a second.

"Look at you all dressed up." He smiles. "And for once, with your hair tied up."

Karyme rolls her eyes. "Just go, asshole."

~~~~~~~~~~

It'll be fun, Sam said.

Just enjoy yourself, Sam said.

Well, this was the fucking opposite.

Karyme wasn't sure what to expect from her first party, but she didn't expect so many people, for one, and also, everyone was.. wasted.

Karyme drank too, but dear Selyna, everyone was out of it.. like zombies or something..

So there she was, standing in the corner, a red cup in her grasp, and surrounded by teenagers all in different stages of fucking.

Karyme took a small sip, feeling the familiar cheap liquor burn down her throat. She looked around anxiously, hoping to see Sam and Jayden somewhere when Jakson approached.

"What are you doing over here all alone, huh?" He asks, wrapping his arm around her.

Karyme shrugs him off. "None of your business."

Jakson laughs. "Ouch, okay, fair.." He stops suddenly, frowning. "How about.. we hang out a bit."

Karyme gives him a dirty look. "Why would I ever do that?"

"Because one, your friends ditched you, and two, you look fucking miserable over here." He says.

Karyme scoffs. "Yeah, no, I'm fine here."

Jakson hums. "You are hard to get.." He then smirks. "How about I get you a drink, maybe something.. stronger?"

Karyme looks at him, and sighs. "Fine."

He laughs. "Ah, so the way to your heart is through drinks, gotcha.." He turns around. "I'll be right back."

Karyme watches him leave, an uneasy feeling traveling through her body. However, she shakes it off and leans against the wall, waiting.

It doesn't take long for Jakson to return, two drinks in his hands. He hands one to Karyme, smiling. Karyme hesitantly takes it.

The first sip is strong, as Karyme expected, but it carries a salty aftertaste. She shrugs it off, assuming that it must be some different type that she isn't used to.

As she takes more drinks, tuning out whatever Jakson is saying, she starts to feel.. off.

It isn't obvious at first, but Karyme starts to feel drowsy, not a lot, but it was weird how suddenly she was tired.

She starts to sway a bit, somehow remaining conscious. She feels Jakson's arm wrap around her, guiding her away from the music.. the other people..

She hardly registers Jakson sitting her on his bed. She holds her head, feeling it pound.

She starts to mumble. "Jakson.."

He sighs. "Looks like you had too much to drink.."

Karyme shakes her head. "..no, can you call.. my friends.."

Jakson nods. "Sure I can, I need to do something first.."

Karyme closes her eyes, trying to rest, but she's shoved back onto the bed. Her eyes snap open, and she can't even scream when his lips press against her. She's pinned down, unable to move. His hands grab at her roughly, treating her more like a doll than a person.

She can't fight back.

She can't cry for help.

She can't do anything.

...

She's helpless.

~~~~~~~~~~

Silence.

It was silent.

She has stopped crying long ago, an unsettling numbness filling her instead.

She sat in the corner of the bed, against the wall, her arms wrapped around her knees.

It was cold, and the thin blanket wrapped around her did nothing to help.

Her bloodshot eyes were fixated straight ahead, looking at him as he changed back into his clothes. Her own were discarded somewhere in the room, out of sight.

"You know, you were great." He speaks.

Karyme blinks, not speaking a word.

"Just perfect, you know that, doll?" He says with a slight laugh.

Karyme's head drops down, hiding in her knees.

Jakson sighs. "You'll be fine, maybe by tomorrow you'll even realize you had a good time."

With that, he leaves the room silently.

Karyme can still hear the music outside, and the sound of people having a great time.

She thought she would be a part of that happiness.

But she was only used.

Then discarded.

And now, she was numb.

~~~~~~~~~~

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

the fact that shakespeare was a playwright is sometimes so funny to me. just the concept of the "greatest writer of the English language" being a random 450-year-old entertainer, a 16th cent pop cultural sensation (thanks in large part to puns & dirty jokes & verbiage & a long-running appeal to commoners). and his work was made to be watched not read, but in the classroom teachers just hand us his scripts and say "that's literature"

just...imagine it's 2450 A.D. and English Lit students are regularly going into 100k debt writing postdoc theses on The Simpsons screenplays. the original animation hasn't even been preserved, it's literally just scripts and the occasional SDH subtitles.txt. they've been republished more times than the Bible

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

[notbrucewayne48]

"aphobia doesn't exist"

bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it

[arthur-lesters-right-arm]

Thinking back to the time I was about halfway through TMA and was explaining the plot to a friend who has never listened to a single episode and they tried to make one of those "Soup was invented by John Soup when he wanted to drink a chicken" jokes and ended up saying something along the lines of "The Magnus Institute was created by John Magnus when he wanted to make an institute for all the fears" and at the time I was like haha good one bro but in hindsight I think I need to fucking throngle them with my bare hands

[vvanillavveins]

Is she Lucy Westenra, or is she just a vessel for the writer's barely disguised fantasy of a women being punished for her promiscuity? Is she really"Bram Stoker's" Lucy Westenra: a naive, innocent 19 year old, with a cheery personality and a bright future ahead of her? Or has the writer instead just slapped her name on an OC that behaves nothing like her, and- with none of the grace or decorum that Lucy's tragically short story deserves- sexualized her slow and agonising death as much as possible, whilst very unsubtly doing their best to blame her for being murdered, so that we won't object to her being killed again later in an even more gruesome and sexual manner?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[tzarrz]

i listen to fog lake too much

[helioxed]

happening at the same time

[xitsensunmoon]

My first ever comic con! And first cosplay too. Of course it's gonna be my boy :] Ramblings about the process are under the cut(Let me know if?? You would want me to elaborate with process images for any of the steps?)

The costume took me forever to make, as I've never done any machine sewing, sculpting, fabric dying or spray painting before but learning all of these was so fucking fun!! I never realised just how many different skills go into making a cosplay but it was so worth it!!!

Almost all of the clothes(except the hat) were purchased first as bases, but all of the detailing was added by me. All of the fabric used was originally just scraps that I was given for free so I needed to learn how to dye and dye all of the stars, they were originally white.

The sewing machine was its own beast that brought me tons of frustration from the lack of skill and knowledge (it was devastating to find out that 95% of fuck ups were my fault and not the machine's lmao). But as a result, a hat sewn from scratch, all of the fur trims, embroidery on the corset, stars and the collar(which is very hard to see on the pictures unfortunately) was all added manually. The stars and the stripes(on the back of the cape) were attached using heat-and-bond adhesive (I WISH I knew about such thing just when I started working on this. It would save me so much time and nerves.)

Then I found out about polymorph(mouldable plastic) and it has become the next thing I wanted to learn, to sculpt the claws and the fangs(yes, they're handmade jfksjs). The claws I then primed and painted in trillion coats because I wasn't satisfied with the colour of the spray paint. The fangs I moulded to my own teeth and then stained with tea to match the colour of my teeth :)c

As for makeup, I used Mehron Paradise water activated paints. At first I wanted to try to save money and bought myself Snazaroo instead, which unfortunately turned out to be a waste. Snazaroo didn't hold on my face for longer than 2 hours, cracking and peeling awfully. Mehron on the other hand survived 11 hours of me smiling, talking, emoting and such and didn't even crease at the smile lines(I'm actually shocked about that). It obviously works like any other makeup which means your skin texture and wrinkles won't go anywhere but Mehron's elasticity pleasantly surprised me. It did obviously smear from sweat and saliva(if you're eating and licking your lips) but if you don't touch the skin it just dries again, self setting. But if it's dry it's fully smear-proof. Highly recommend!

And last but not least, I've decided against painting my hands as it was very risky that I will stain everything I touch at the smallest hint of sweat. So instead I got myself gloves-tights(? Not sure how they're called but it's made from the same fabric as tights) and painted them with normal acrylic paint(did you know you could dye fabric with acrylic paint? I personally didn't), then heat set with an iron and voilà, they're reusable, my hands are not stained after an exhausting day and I don't stain everything I touch. It worked wonderfully which honestly was a surprise as I was really sceptical that acrylic paint will somehow stay in place.

I think this whole thing took me minimum of 6 months with big-big breaks for my school and life in general. But I'm really proud! This project taught me so many new skills and I couldn't have been happier about learning new knowledge, even if it sucked to fail in the meantime.

Everyone at the con was really nice and gave me a large confidence boost even tho it was my first time and I had no idea what I was doing. Taking photos with other people was really awkward/new for me as I hate cameras so I really had no idea how to pose/behave in front of one. But that's okay I think. This whole experience definitely made me want to do this again, so I think that will come with experience. Thank you for reading this far, hope you enjoyed this little summary :)

[bet-on-me-13]

Clark grows up on Amity

So! When Clark's shup landed on the Kent Farm, it unfortunately started a bit of a Fire. It was pretty bad, and by the time it was put out most of their Crops had been burned up.

Using their Savings, the money from the remaining Crops, and some goodwill from their neighbors, the Kent's managed to get enough money together to move to a new Town to start over. It also helped that in a new town nobody would question them suddenly having a Baby despite Martha not being Pregnant.

They Move to a small farm on the Edge of Amity Park.

Clark Kent grows up in Amity Park, goes to Casper High, and befriends Danny, Sam, and Tucker as his childhood friends.

When his powers come in, they are the first ones to know. When Danny has his Accident, Clark is there to help him control his new abilities. When Clark has to move away for his new Job in Metropolis, they are all there to wish him good luck and throw him a Going Away Party.

As Superman, Clark is more open to joining a Team since he used to be on Team Phantom.

When Justice League Dark is formed, Superman is a Suprise Member, since he actually had a lot of experience with the Supernatural.

When Kon is born, he turns to his best friends for help and advice on his to deal with the situation. Danny had Ellie in very similar circumstances, so he is more open to the idea of adopting Kon since he has personal experience with Clones made by Madmen.

Thoughts?

[teleportzz]

[laurellala-comics]

Fun fact! This was the real tipping point that made Edgeworth run away after AA1, they just couldn't show it on screen because they didn't have the rights to Chappell Roan's music <3

(A spiritual successor to my "Hot to Go" joke from this post. Image description under the cut below)

[Image ID: a four page black and white comic of characters from ace attorney.

The Judge stands solemnly at his podium holding a gavel "Mr. Miles Edgeworth, you are on trial for the murder of blah blah blah..."

A cheerful Maya Fey leans over to Miles Edgeworth, who is staring straight ahead and looking very concerned

Maya: "Psst! Mr. Edgeworth! If you win your trial, can I show you Chappell Roan?

Miles: "What the hell, sure." Internally he thinks "Oh God I am going to jail"

A box saying "later" in the top corner of the next panel marks the passage of time.

The Judge smiles as he says "I declare you... Not Guilty!"

We see a full body shot of Maya dancing excitedly while Miles looks on, emotionless

Maya: YIPPEE omg you're going to LOVE this

Miles internally thinks "oh no, the consequences of my actions.

We see Miles standing in between Phoenix Wright and Maya looking apprehensive. Maya beams in excitement, while Nick puts a reassuring hand on Miles' shoulder

Miles: Alright, so what is this exactly?

Nick: She's a pop musician Maya really likes

Maya: You promised you'd let me show you, and it's legally binding because you said it in a court room!

Miles: That is not how the law works Ms. Fey

Maya: Shh just listen!

We see a panel of Miles' pensive face concentrating as he listens to "Hot to Go". He thinks to himself "hm".

Another panel zoomed in more. His pensive expression has grown more tense/confused as he listens to "Red Wine Supernova". he again thinks to himself "Hm" in a larger thought bubble.

We zoom out again to see Nick, Miles, and Maya standing together again. Miles stares forward blankly, eyebrows raised. Maya excitedly leans in.

Maya: Ok, that's her whole discography. So! What did you think?

Nick looks at him, waiting for his response

We get a panel of Miles, looking bewildered. He starts to speak "I..."

We cut again to see the three of them standing together.

Miles: I... don't think I like women?

Miles looks shocked and confused. Nick is bent over laughing, using a hand on Miles's shoulder to support himself. Maya looks outraged and appalled!

Maya: MR. EDGEWORTH! Just because you don' like her musi it doesn't give you an excuse to be sexist!

We see a panel of Miles looking stressed and confused. He leans his head on one of his hands, which messes up his hair, showing how he isn't his normal put together self.

Miles: I should rephrase that. What I mean is, Ms. Roan is clearly VERY assured in her feelings towards women. I was... unaware that anyone felt that strongly. I thought we all viewed these things with a vague sense of distaste and unease but collectively ignored it. Like how we do with climate change.

We zoom out again to see the three of them. Miles stands in the middle looking deeply uncomfortable and lost in thought, vibrating with unease. Nick and Maya exchange deeply concerned glances across from him.

With lingering unease, Miles begins to walk away.

Miles: Well, I should be going then. Goodnight.

Nick hesitantly raises a finger to point out an inaccuracy in that statement

Nick: It's four in the afternoon-

he gets interrupted by Miles who repeats firmly: I said Goodnight

Nick looks in the direction Miles walked off in.

Nick: ...He'll be ok, right?

Maya reassures him: Of cours Nick! I mean, what's the worst that can happen?

Jump cut to a closeup of Nick's hand holding Miles' letter which reads Miles Edgeworth chooses death in all caps. Then, below in smaller font, it says Also femininomenon was really good, thanks.

We see a panel of Nick glaring wordlessly at Maya as he holds the letter in his hand. Maya leans against the wall and looks away, whistling, trying to look innocent to avoid blame.

As a bonus, we also have a page that takes place a year later. Miles and Nick stand talking. Miles looks calmer now, and Nick smiles encouragingly.

Miles: In my time in Europe, I've been examining myself and my approach to law. Ultimately, the most important focus must be justice. We owe it to ourselves and to the people we serve

Nick: Wow, that's really inspiring Edgeworth. And, uh, hows the... the other thing going?

We get a zoomed in panel of Miles glaring menacingly at a suddenly nervous Nick

Jumping out again, Miles turns his back to Nick as he continues to talk

Miles: So as I was saying, justice is truly so important...

Nick nervously rubs the back of his neck wearing an awkward expression as he sweats nervously. He thinks to himself internally "Ooookay then, clearly still working through some things there"

/.End ID]

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[essektheylyss]

the visceral gut drop of "—and in his place is a gently floating male drow—" vs the absolute giddy high of "—who is no longer Seth. Instead you see, a dark elf—" like, Essek Thelyss really is narratively That Bitch and he sure knows how to make a fucking entrance

[petz5]

they r so silly