Whumpril 2024
Day 8 - Bloodshot
⚠TW⚠
- Swearing
- Implied SA (PRESENT TIME, NOT FLASHBACKS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)
- Mentions of Alcohol
- Mentions of Drug Use
Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~
"Come on Karyme, it'll be fun!" Sam whined. "A party at Jakson's house, unsupervised, with free drinks!"
Karyme rolls her eyes, twirling a strand of hair with her finger. "Not a chance, plus, I doubt they would invite a loser like me."
Sam frowns. "C'mon, I don't want to go by myself!"
"Ask Leony or Jayden to go with you then." Karyme replies. "Or get a date, I don't know.."
Sam sinks in his seat, arms crossed. "Leony is busy, and Jayden already has a date, I don't want to third wheel.."
Karyme sighs. "Then don't go."
Sam groans. "For the love of Selyna you are impossible sometimes.."
Karyme smirks. "It's a part of my charm."
Sam huffs as the room falls back into silence. Neither of them speak for a bit until Sam starts to whine again.
"Karymeeeee.." He whines. "Pleaseeeee-! I swear will never ask for anything from you ever againnnn-!"
Karyme holds her head in her hands, groaning. "Sam.."
"PLEASE-"
Karyme snaps. "Oh for fucks sake, if I say I'll think about it will you cut it out?!"
Sam aimles, nodding in excitement.
Karyme shakes her head, pushing her earbuds back into her ears as she begins to tune Sam out.
There was no way in hell that she would even be allowed in that party. Jakson was her ex, for one, and also, Jakson's new girl, Nicki, had it out for her.
Those two would either humiliate her, or worse. Dear Selyna she didn't want to think about it..
But Sam was so damn persistent, and Karyme would be lying if she said she didn't want to take advantage of those free drinks..
...
Well.. what's the worst that could happen?
It's only a party after all.
~~~~~~~~~~
Karyme walked the hallways of her school, her earbuds playing her favorite song softly. She was trying to get to class, but suddenly, an arm reached out and pulled her into a room.
Karyme yelped as she was pulled into the library. She turned in anger to face Jakson.
"Chill out Karyme, it's just me." He says nonchalantly.
Karyme narrows her eyes. "I can fucking see that."
He sighs. "Are you still upset over our breakup?"
Karyme crosses her arms. "Why would I be, it's a relief to be away from you."
Jakson huffs. "Whatever.." He looks back at Karyme. "I need to talk to you about something."
"And this couldn't wait until after class?" Karyme asks.
Jakson gives her a look. "Well, yes, but I need to know something, urgently."
Karyme sighs. "Then make it quick."
Jakson nods. "Right, well, I'm having a party this weekend, and I was wondering if-"
"No."
"What-? I didn't even finish-"
"The answer is no, Jakson." Karyme says. "Your girlfriend's an asshole, and frankly, being in the same area as you isn't how I want to spend my weekend."
Jakson frowns. "Do you have anything better to do?"
Karyme blinks. "Well, no, but-"
"Then it's settled!" Jakson claps. "I'll see you at my party, this Saturday, at 8."
Karyme opens her mouth to speak, but Jakson is already walking off.
"Oh, before I go, here." He says, tossing Karyme a piece of paper. "Give this to your teacher, that way you aren't marked tardy." He finishes, walking out of the library.
Karyme hear the door slam, and immediately groans in frustration.
Now she has to excuse not to go..
Oh Selyna, this party was going to be a nightmare..
~~~~~~~~~~
"So that means you're going?" Sam asks.
Currently, Sam, Karyme, and Jayden were walking home.
"I don't really have a choice, now do I?" Karyme shrugs. "My plan is to chill there for a bit, and then ditch when no ones looking."
Jayden hums. "Sounds like Jakson really wants you there.."
Karyme sighs. "Yeah.. it's weird.."
Sam frowns. "Don't overthink it, he's probably just trying to make up for the shit he did." He rolls his eyes. "As if a party will make up for cheating on you."
Karyme looks at the ground. "Maybe he's genuinely changed.."
Jayden gives Karyme a look. "Girl, you better not go back to him."
Karyme perks up. "Oh Selyna no, I would never, I was just thinking.."
"Well stop that." Sam says. "Instead, when you get there, focus on the party." Karyme nods along to her friend's words of advice.
Maybe this would actually be fun, all she had to do was avoid Jakson and Nicki, easy..
..right..?
~~~~~~~~~~
Days went by fast, and soon it was Saturday. Karyme found herself in front of a mirror, looking at herself.
Her sister had helped style her hair, as well as apply makeup. The came Karyme's dress, a vintage Victorian-Style black lace dress, by far her favorite thing in her closet.
As she waiting for Jayden to pick her up, she ran through her main point.
"Ignore everyone, and just have fun."
Seemed simple enough, so Karyme felt like she could do it.
It didn't take long for Karyme to hear a honk outside her house. Karyme rushed down the stairs, only to be stopped by her parents.
"Karyme." Her mother says.
Karyme freezes, suddenly directing all her attention to her parents.
"Remember now, don't make a fool of yourself, or the Ceers won't accept us." She says coldly, her father nodding along.
Karyme nods slowly, before brushing past her parents and out the door.
Every step she took was careful, precise, perfect..
She couldn't- no, she wouldn't mess up.
She sighs as she takes a seat in Jayden's car. Jayden eyes her for a second.
"Look at you all dressed up." He smiles. "And for once, with your hair tied up."
Karyme rolls her eyes. "Just go, asshole."
~~~~~~~~~~
It'll be fun, Sam said.
Just enjoy yourself, Sam said.
Well, this was the fucking opposite.
Karyme wasn't sure what to expect from her first party, but she didn't expect so many people, for one, and also, everyone was.. wasted.
Karyme drank too, but dear Selyna, everyone was out of it.. like zombies or something..
So there she was, standing in the corner, a red cup in her grasp, and surrounded by teenagers all in different stages of fucking.
Karyme took a small sip, feeling the familiar cheap liquor burn down her throat. She looked around anxiously, hoping to see Sam and Jayden somewhere when Jakson approached.
"What are you doing over here all alone, huh?" He asks, wrapping his arm around her.
Karyme shrugs him off. "None of your business."
Jakson laughs. "Ouch, okay, fair.." He stops suddenly, frowning. "How about.. we hang out a bit."
Karyme gives him a dirty look. "Why would I ever do that?"
"Because one, your friends ditched you, and two, you look fucking miserable over here." He says.
Karyme scoffs. "Yeah, no, I'm fine here."
Jakson hums. "You are hard to get.." He then smirks. "How about I get you a drink, maybe something.. stronger?"
Karyme looks at him, and sighs. "Fine."
He laughs. "Ah, so the way to your heart is through drinks, gotcha.." He turns around. "I'll be right back."
Karyme watches him leave, an uneasy feeling traveling through her body. However, she shakes it off and leans against the wall, waiting.
It doesn't take long for Jakson to return, two drinks in his hands. He hands one to Karyme, smiling. Karyme hesitantly takes it.
The first sip is strong, as Karyme expected, but it carries a salty aftertaste. She shrugs it off, assuming that it must be some different type that she isn't used to.
As she takes more drinks, tuning out whatever Jakson is saying, she starts to feel.. off.
It isn't obvious at first, but Karyme starts to feel drowsy, not a lot, but it was weird how suddenly she was tired.
She starts to sway a bit, somehow remaining conscious. She feels Jakson's arm wrap around her, guiding her away from the music.. the other people..
She hardly registers Jakson sitting her on his bed. She holds her head, feeling it pound.
She starts to mumble. "Jakson.."
He sighs. "Looks like you had too much to drink.."
Karyme shakes her head. "..no, can you call.. my friends.."
Jakson nods. "Sure I can, I need to do something first.."
Karyme closes her eyes, trying to rest, but she's shoved back onto the bed. Her eyes snap open, and she can't even scream when his lips press against her. She's pinned down, unable to move. His hands grab at her roughly, treating her more like a doll than a person.
She can't fight back.
She can't cry for help.
She can't do anything.
...
She's helpless.
~~~~~~~~~~
Silence.
It was silent.
She has stopped crying long ago, an unsettling numbness filling her instead.
She sat in the corner of the bed, against the wall, her arms wrapped around her knees.
It was cold, and the thin blanket wrapped around her did nothing to help.
Her bloodshot eyes were fixated straight ahead, looking at him as he changed back into his clothes. Her own were discarded somewhere in the room, out of sight.
"You know, you were great." He speaks.
Karyme blinks, not speaking a word.
"Just perfect, you know that, doll?" He says with a slight laugh.
Karyme's head drops down, hiding in her knees.
Jakson sighs. "You'll be fine, maybe by tomorrow you'll even realize you had a good time."
With that, he leaves the room silently.
Karyme can still hear the music outside, and the sound of people having a great time.
She thought she would be a part of that happiness.
But she was only used.
Then discarded.
And now, she was numb.
~~~~~~~~~~
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
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