#i didn’t want to kill my self today OR yesterday

[halfelven]

oh wait i think electrocuting myself is working

[ifwdominicfike]

chicken tenders

“the best part of my day is when i get to see you naked.”

summary - chris has been stressing this entire week, meetings have piled up while also trying to maintain filming and keep up with his brand. all he wants right now is to see you.

switch!chris x switch!reader

you were on chris’ mind the second he woke up, he hadn’t seen you in about a week due to his busy schedule. he was growing frustrated, mentally and sexually, he would call you here and there to ask how your day was but he wasn’t really listening.

he was too lost in the sound of your tired voice from your long day as you told him what was going on, letting out small hums to let you know he was “listening”.

(flashback to yesterday..)

“and so thats when i tell her that- chris are you okay?” you had heard a soft whine from the other line “y-yeah m’fine, k-keep going ma. m’listening don’t worry..” his face turning red from almost getting caught, hand still wrapped around his cock waiting for you to continue your story “oh ok.. well anyways-“

“o-oh fuck!” he groaned, forgetting you could still hear him. “chris are you-?” you giggle “please ma, n-need you so bad baby.. haven’t been able to see you in so- fuck! so long” he lets out a shaky breath as his hand never stops its movement.

“yeah? need me that bad you’re willing to jerk off to my voice thinking i wouldn’t notice? you’re pathetic chris”

thats what got him, the degrading words pushing him over the edge. all that can be heard from his end is small cries and whimpers with your name thrown in between “fuck. y-you’re killing me baby, can’t wait to see you..”

(present day)

chris was excited for today, some of his meetings got pushed back a couple of days ahead which gave him some time to see you. not right now though, he still had to go to the warehouse to sign cards that were gonna be put in merch drops and still had a meeting or two to attend.

on the way there though he was fairly quiet, usually being his energetic self he would be blasting music throughout the whole car or picking on either matt or nick just because he was bored. “kid you there? hellooo!!” matt said waving his hand in front of chris’ face as they stopped at the red light. “what- matt get your fucking hand away from me dickhead” he pushes his hand away and scoffs “i was trying to ask you something, fucking idiot” matt said, clearly irritated.

“well what? im listening now.” chris grumbled “chris whats your problem? you’ve been acting like a moron this whole week” nick chimes in “probably cause he hasn’t seen his girl all week, s’that it chris?” matt says chuckling while the car starts moving once more.

“kid shut the fuck up already.” chris’ voice is now stern and serious “ooh that must be it” nick says laughing “can you both seriously stop talking, you’re fucking annoying.” he snaps at both of them.

“okay whatever kid just fix whatever the fuck you got going on there, m’not tryna have you moping around with us all day.” matt stated before pulling in to park.

chris was never known to be patient, always eager to have have what he wanted immediately. so when in the middle of a meeting he got a text from you he obviously opened it, not knowing that it was a photo of you in a white lingerie set with a following text saying “need you so bad baby :(“ he excused himself to the restroom and instantly called you.

you pick up immediately with a cheesy smile across your face “hey love!” your voice filled with innocence like you didn’t just get him hard in front of everyone. “y/n cut it out, im serious, right now isn’t a good time sweetheart” he said trying to keep his composure.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about baby, m’not doing anything..” you giggle “ma, please. just give me another hour and im all yours. please.” the desperation in his voice makes your thighs clench in need.

“well what if i want you now, you know i don’t like waiting” you let out a soft sigh, your hand begins to trail down to where you’re aching most. “y/n i swear if you’re doing what i think you are right now.” “don’t act like you don’t like it chris, bet you’re so hard right now, hm?”

“i’ll be there in a hour and if you keep up with this attitude you’re not coming at all tonight.” your thighs clench even more at his daring words. “ugh you’re no fun baby” you groan as he hangs up the phone.

he made his way back as matt and nick look at him annoyed, the meeting was already over and they were just sitting there waiting for chris. “do i have something on me? whats up?” he says checking his clothes and fixing his hair “you had us sitting here for forever, stupid fuck” nick says getting up “yeah whatever kid, are we leaving or not?” he makes his way out not waiting for the two behind him “kid walked out like he’s the one driving” matt said, making nick giggle.

the three were on the way home from a long day, matt was yawning every chance he got and nick was already asleep in the back, chris on the other hand though had a huge grin formed on his face.

“matt can you drop me off at y/n’s?” chris said looking over at his brother “yeah sure” he said with laugh following after “what are you laughing at?” chris said confused “nothing, just knew that was why you were acting like a baby today” “yeah whatever dickhead, just turn right here”

you hear a knock at the door, then suddenly your phone goes off, a text from chris. “im here ma” you smile and go to open the door, the second its slightly open chris barges in pinning you against the wall kissing you like he’ll never get to see you again.

he kicks the door closed and locks its before wrapping his arms around your waist, you can feel him through the rough material of his baggy jeans. fuck.

before you could even tell him something he has you over his shoulder in a tight grip before making his way to your room “someones eager” you say with a giggle.

“can’t believe you, sending me that picture in the middle of my meeting, such a fucking tease baby.” he pins you down to the bed, settled right between your legs before trailing his hands up your shirt (his shirt)..

finally shuffling you out of your clothes so you’re in nothing but that pretty lace from earlier, the tension between you two is making your stomach tighten and between your thighs wet.

him being fully clothed while you’re basically bare under him makes your head spin, wanting to see more of him you begin to play with the bottom of his shirt. “please chris, wanna see you..” you whine “yeah sweetheart? go ahead then, take it off” he smirks as you start to slip his shirt off, running your nails down his chest you feel him shiver. “watch it ma.” he warns as your hands go down further to his prominent bulge poking through his jeans.

“i need you so bad baby..”

“poor girl, so fucking desperate for m’cock.” the sound of his belt buckle clinking and his jeans ruffling off is the only thing consuming the silence between you two, he finally removes the only thing keeping you from seeing all of him and you can’t help but gawk at him. “got nothing to say now, huh? you know starin’ is rude mama.”

you roll your eyes and wrap your hand around him, stroking him at a teasingly slow pace. “just admiring you baby, y’so big..” you bite your lip and look at him through your lashes. “you’re so good fuck-“ he groans while fucking back into your hand, small whimpers leaving his lips encourage you to speed up.

“yeah? look at you.. fucking into my hand, y’that desperate?” your thumb smears the pre-cum around him, your lips make their way to his tip giving him small kisses.

“please-please mama” his hips begin to slowly move, trying to force more of himself in your mouth. quiet whines can be heard as you feel his heavy hands settle on the back of your head, you smirk and sit up before he can take things further.

“n-no baby please! i.. i wont touch you o-or anything-“ next thing he knows you’re on top of him and his back is against the headboard. “you need me that bad? look at you about to cry, all because you need to cum. fucking pathetic.” your voice harsh as you settle down on his lap, your hand caressing his rose tinted cheeks while he continues to squirm underneath you.

you lift your hips and begin to sink down onto him, a quiet hiss leaves your lips from the stretch — you grip onto his shoulders to stabilize yourself.

“shit-” chris’ grip on your hips tightens as he guides you further down onto him, your whines now being muffled as you dig your face into his neck.

“chris.. f-fuck”

“what’s wrong now pretty girl, what happened to that attitude you had a couple of minutes ago huh..?” his condescending tone making you squirm as you rock your hips trying to get some relief. your lips travel down his neck leaving open mouth kisses and bites the further down you go, drunk on the way his hands grip your waist and the way he feels inside you.

“j-just fuck me chris! ple-please” those words alone gives him all he needs to start thrusting up inside you, his tight hold on you lifting you up slightly. “c’mon pretty girl, cant let me do all the work yeah..” he teases you as his other hand comes up to grip onto your jaw, making you look directly at him.

you start to bounce up and down, your moans growing louder by the second each time you slam down onto him. chris wasn’t so quiet either — loud grunts and groans can be heard from him as mumbles of your name and praises leaves his mouth.

“good fucking girl ma, doin’ such a good job f’me sweetheart- fuck!”

your pace starts to slow down, the burning in your thighs starts to get too much for you. you make your way up to his neck once more, leaving your mark in various places that he will for sure see in the morning. the thought of the red and purple splotches traced around his neck and collarbones makes you clench around him.

your movements are barely doing anything by now, leaving chris to do all the work as you get closer and closer to coming. “always makin’ me do all the fucking work huh? greedy brat. always getting whatever she wants isn’t that right?” he taunts as he flips you two around, your legs on his shoulders as he starts fucking into you faster and harder.

“o-oh shit! fuc-fuck me chris please, m’so close baby please!” your babbles becoming incoherent as he hits that spot deep inside you that makes your eyes roll into the back of your head. “go ahead mama, come for me. take this dick ma, s’all yours.”

legs shaking as he continues to fuck into you, your hands grip his curls and bring him down to a sloppy kiss. needing to feel him in any kind of way what so ever, you pull back to let out a loud moan as you clamp down on him and release all over his cock. “theree ya’ go mama, goodd girl. my beautiful girl look at youu” he praises.

his groans getting louder tells you he’s close, trying his best not to come before you. he always made sure you came before him, in his words “gotta make my girl feel good.”

“where you want it ma?” “i-inside baby please!” he groans one last time as he feels you clench around him and that was his breaking point, he cums inside you with a proud smile slapped across his face.

his thrusts slow down as you both come down from the high, he starts to pull out before he hears you wince. “you good ma? did i hurt you-“ “no no baby m’fine just- a little sensitive” you give him a tired smile as you lay your head back feeling like you could fall asleep any second now “i fucked you that good then huh?” his smirk making you roll your eyes and throw the nearest pillow at him.

“chris if were not in that shower in the next 2 seconds you’re sleeping on the couch i swear to-” you say joking (half joking) “ok ok damn no need to get all bossy w’me ma, c’mon lets get you up” he’s now off the bed as he picks you up holding you like a baby. “you’re washing my hair i hope you know that” you tell him with a smile.

“yes i know that, when have i not?” he says confused as he smiles at you half asleep in his arms “my sweet girl, i love you so much” are his last words before walking into the bathroom.

- avery’s note ˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆｡-

i finallyyy finished this fic omg. i hope you guys like it!! i love bringing dominic fike into any conversation i can. i feel like i could’ve wrote more but i had no real fics for chris.. anyways byee i love youu ᥫ᭡ !!

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - @submattenthusiast @chrissv4mp @ellaapsworld @jetaimevous @mattsbrowser @55sturn

[calliesmemes]

ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”

“   Hungry? Eat the government. ”

“   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”

“   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”

“  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”

“   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”

“   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”

“   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”

“   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”

“   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”

“   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”

“   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”

“   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”

“   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”

“   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”

“   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”

“   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”

“   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”

“   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”

“   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”

“   I really do hate thinking. ”

“   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”

“   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”

“   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”

“   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”

“   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”

“   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”

“   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”

“   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”

“   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”

“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”

“   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”

“   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”

“   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”

“   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”

“   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”

“   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”

“   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”

“   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”

“   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”

“   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”

“   You look so biteable today. ”

“   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”

“   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”

“   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”

“   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”

“   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”

“   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”

“   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”

“   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”

“   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”

“   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”

“   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”

“   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”

“   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”

“   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”

“   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”

“   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”

“   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”

“   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”

“   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”

“   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”

“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”

“   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”

“   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”

“   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”

“   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”

“   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”

“   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”

“   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”

“   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”

“   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”

“   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”

“   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”

“   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”

“   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”

“   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”

“   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”

“   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”

“   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”

“   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”

“   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”

“   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”

“   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”

“   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”

“   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”

“   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”

“   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”

“   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”

“   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”

“   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”

“   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”

[chaoticbardlady99]

I Wondered If I Could Come Home? (Astarion x F! Reader)

Synopsis- It’s been 4 months since you last saw Astarion and 3 months since you killed the Netherbrain with your other companions. Shortly after, you settled down in Silverymoon to begin a life out there and try to push Astarion out of your mind- except it can never be that easy. You shortly discover you are pregnant with his child- a child that could kill you during childbirth. Scared and alone- Shadowheart stays with you to help you deliver the baby and keep you alive.

While out at the local market, Shadowheart runs into Gale and invites him over for dinner. Gale has unexpected company.

CW: Pregnancy, mentions of potential death during birth, mentions of nudity, mentions of NSFW smut

To my fellow DND fans- no this is probably not canon compliant, yes I’m upset about that, but look I really needed to write this so sue me I guess

Author note- Self indulgent, I have baby fever, but don’t want a baby fic. I’m unsure of how long this will be or if it will have more parts-it depends on how angsty I feel, but I need to have like six different ideas to think about at a time soooo 😂

*This hasn’t been edited ✨well✨so please forgive me

*again, no fucking clue who’s picture it is, but it sure as shit isn’t mine so if it’s yours- reach out so I can give credit!

You keep yourself propped up against the sink in the kitchen as Shadowheart holds your hair out of your face and dabbing away the cold sweat that drips down your neck.

You are really sick of being morning sick. It’s absolutely the worst thing in the world- well besides your potential death from carrying your little girl inside of you. You sometimes think Astarion may get his wish- you may just die screaming.

You dry heave one last time- not a single thing comes up because you haven’t kept a single thing down since two mornings ago. Your morning sickness is inconsistent and comes on with little to no warning.

It’s been five months since you conceived this fricken kid, but it was like all the symptoms hit after you killed the Netherbrain.

A part of you really wishes you had somehow known before then- maybe it would have changed the cruel fate that ended your relationship with Astarion. You were literally pregnant in the middle of fighting Cazador. You think about what he last said to you all the time and just sob hysterically- like it happened yesterday.

A deeper part of you feels abandoned, but you blame yourself for him leaving. You should have been more convincing or maybe you shouldn’t have flat out told him no and explained why in the hells you didn’t want him to ascend.

For example- you didn’t want to lose him to some evil version of himself.

Ironically, you lost him anyway and are pregnant with his fucking child who insists on occasionally making you miserable.

Despite your inherent sadness, anger, and sickness, you find you are actually quite excited to meet her. You haven’t settled on a name yet and Shadowheart has been very helpful in regards to making sure you are healthy and strong for delivery. She’s your best friend and you could not be more grateful for her.

“I’ll go back to the market today and get you more of those herbs,” Shadowheart says quietly when she talks to you, “they seemed to help last time?”

You nod- exhausted and your head is pounding. You and this kid are going to need to have a serious conversation. You will not be letting a second Acunin make you miserable before she is ever born.

Shadowheart guides you to your bed upstairs, standing behind you in case you get hit with a wave of vertigo- which usually happens post vomit episode.

You pull your curtains closed- thankful that the desperate hope in your heart led you to buying black out curtains. You close your door and lay down on your bed- tears spilling down your cheeks freely.

You miss him terribly. You shouldn’t. You should positively hate him, but everyday of this pregnancy makes you ache for him. You should be doing this together.

You know it’s hormones- the weepiness, the intense longing, and the Gods awful horniness. Dreams are the worst. You wake up a squirming disaster at least three times a week with your skin burning hot with memories of Astarion touching you.

You are happy that isn’t the case currently, but the weepiness sucks too. Remembering how he used to curl around you, the way it felt to have him kiss you on the forehead, and all those late night conversations with (now empty) promises. You curl yourself around your pillows, willing your imagination to pretend it’s him, and you sob until you fall asleep.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Astarion tries to contain his excitement and fear as he follows Gale and Shadowheart to your home. Finally, after searching for literal months, he was going to see you again.

Astarion has been haunted by the last words he had said to you for what feels like eons now. He hadn’t meant it at the time and he certainly doesn’t mean it now.

He had been too afraid to come back to you after everything he had said. Astarion decided you probably hate him anyway so he tried to move on.

He tried being with other people (it always failed miserably because they weren’t you), he drank until he couldn’t remember a damn thing, and when all else failed, he began his search for the Ring of the Sunwalker.

After the nightlife of Baldur’s Gate lost it’s appeal and he finally found a ring location, Astarion found himself in front of Gale’s door in Waterdeep- begging him of all people to help him.

The wizard had been puzzled and melancholy when he realized Astarion was at his door. Astarion told him every little piece of how he feels about you, how much he misses you, and how he wants to be able to give you the life that you deserve. Astarion was practically on the verge of hysteria while trying to make his case.

Thus began the search for the Ring of the Sunwalker.

They were able to locate and obtain one after a grueling three month long journey and some help from one of Gale’s old friends. Then, they headed straight to Silverymoon- your last known whereabouts.

Running into Shadowheart had felt like a miracle, but to also have her living with you had made the trip even easier. Except Shadowheart was being really really weird towards him.

When Gale first asked if Astarion could come along too, Shadowheart had asked Astarion why he wanted to come and see the person he “hoped died screaming?”

Astarion had flinched at the anger and venom in Shadowheart’s voice. He figured the others would be mad, but he was hoping maybe Shadowheart would give him a little easier time like Gale had. Astarion was genuinely surprised by how quick she was to be defensive of you and your whereabouts. When Gale confirmed that Astarion was telling the truth, Shadowheart reluctantly said he could come.

The three arrive at the front of your shared townhome- it faces the beach and has the perfect amount of windows for the sun to light up the house, but one of the rooms is hidden from sight with heavy, black out curtains.

Shadowheart turns to both of them, “Tav might not be able to join us… she’s been sick for a bit now and is… recuperating.”

Astarion feels his heart drop to his stomach.

“Sick? For how long?”

Shadowheart shifts on her feet uncomfortably, “5 months, but it got worse around 3 months.”

“Tav has been sick for that long?” Gale exclaims, “why didn’t you write!? I could have helped.”

“This particular affliction is one you wouldn’t understand,” Shadowheart says with a finality that suggests the conversation is done as she leads them into the kitchen.

Shadowheart immediately gets fussing with the herbs while Gale looks around the house. Astarion is still unsure of what he should be doing. The house engulfs him in your scent and he feels positively intoxicated. You must be really sick though because your scent smells different- not bad at all, just different.

Does he talk to Shadowheart? Does he look around with Gale?

Or does he sneak off and find you? Astarion doesn’t want to waste anymore time than he already has. Slowly, he creeps towards the stairs.

“Don’t even think about it, Astarion,” Shadowheart warns.

Astarion looks at her and then back at the stairs. He does this a couple times until Shadowheart appears to be annoyed enough that she’s let her guard down a bit.

Astarion takes off up the steps and he hears Shadowheart and Gale coming up right behind him.

Astarion hears a dry heave from down the hallway and he goes racing for the door.

If you are as sick as Shadowheart has suggested (5 months is crazy long), Astarion may not have much time with you and Gods he needs to take advantage of the time he does have.

Shadowheart be damned.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wake up feeling even worse than you did when you fell asleep. Your headache feels like it’s taken on a life on it’s own and Gods you are going to vomit all over the floor if you don’t move NOW!

You get up with an impossible amount of speed for how dizzy you are and you grab the pail on your nightstand and heave painfully.

You are rocking back and forth, groaning as more stomach acid comes up because again, not able to even keep anything down.

You hear a pair of footsteps and then Shadowheart screaming after-

“ASTARION! THEY ARE SICK! YOU NEED TO WAIT!”

“I have been looking for them for months now,” you hear him hiss, “if they are sick, I need to see them. If this has lasted five months- then who knows how much time I’ve wasted!”

“Will you stop being selfish for five minutes!? It’s not about you and who even says she wants to see you!?”

Shadowheart and Astarion are yelling in front of your door now. You feel tears prick your eyes- Astarion is here. Here here. A flurry of excited kicks from inside you catches your attention and a feeling of blissful happiness comes over you. Oh look, the nausea is gone. Of course it is.

“Traitor,” you whisper before laying down on your bed for a moment.

You are very happy that your unborn daughter appears to be pleased and feels good about her dad being on the other side of the door. You, on the other hand, are less than optimistic.

Wasted time doing what? And why did Shadowheart say I was sick!? In what world was that going to keep him from going upstairs!? Especially if he, your mind pauses, cares about me? Again?

Which you hope he does- you would hope Shadowheart wasn’t so sick of taking care of you that she brought him here to finish the job. Maybe this is all one big show.

Another, “I WILL DO WHAT I PLEASE” from Astarion, a “YOU SELFISH BASTARD” from Shadowheart, and a “Please can’t we all just be nice, catch up, and get along?” from Gale finally gives you the motivation to get up. The arguing feels far too much like being in camp again. You pinch the bridge of your nose, willing the growing headache to go away.

It doesn’t so you change into a pair of longer cotton pajama pants, a t-shirt that is unfortunately showing off your bump more than you’d like, and then you swing open the door in tired annoyance.

You are met with Astarion looking at you- his eyes scanning up and down your body- settling on your stomach. His expression is unreadable- it’s somewhere between lust, love, grief, and heartbreak. Embarrassed by Astarion’s intense gaze, you look over at Gale who is all smiles for you.

“Congratulations Tav!!!” Gale practically yells, making you wince, “the father is a lucky man.”

“I don’t think he considers himself a lucky man,” you say pointedly before turning to Astarion, “or do you?”

Astarion’s face changes entirely with your words. His eyes look at you, round and soft. His eyes are full of adoration and need- a look you never thought he would give you again. You have to fight the urge to grab him and drag him into your bedroom. You will not let the hormones win- you will be strong.

“I- it’s- I mean,” Astarion is fumbling over his words, “you are carrying my child?”

“Yes,” you say grumpily, crossing your arms,” and she’s been giving me nothing but trouble. Thanks to your genetics, I’m sure. This is day two of not being able to keep a damn thing down and this fucking headache is UNBEARABLE so please for the love of every God keep the arguing down.”

Astarion is still looking at you with a mystified expression- taking you in as if for the first time in his entire life. You look back towards Gale and Shadowheart- you are entirely too self-conscious and way too excited to see him for him to be looking at you like that. You are trying to be mad dammit!

Shadowheart gazes at you and your surely red tipped ears with amusement before she says, “I’ll go and get the potion ready for you- that should hopefully help.”

“I will- uh,” Gale says awkwardly, looking between you and Astarion, “join you! I might need to know which herbs to use… in the future?”

“Planning on getting pregnant Gale?” You say with a smirk.

Gale snorts at you, “Dear friend, as wonderful as you look right now- none of the side effects sound appealing.”

“Oh they most certainly aren’t,” you say,” but thanks for thinking I look ‘wonderful’. I feel, well, disgusting.”

“Gods, how could you even think that?” Astarion blurts out, appearing shocked that he even said it, “you look like…. A vision. A wonderful, stunning vision, Darling.”

Shadowheart and Gale excuse themselves as you struggle to find the words for Astarion’s comment. Your entire body feels like it’s on fire and you feel yourself begin to melt a little bit. You feel your emotions bloom into something resembling spring as he steps closer to you- looking at you with pleading eyes.

You clear your throat, “would you like to come into my room and talk?”

Astarion nods eagerly, following behind you so close that you once again have to remind yourself that ripping off the clothes of someone who literally told you they wanted you to die screaming was not healthy- at least not until you get a proper apology.

You sit against your headboard as Astarion walks around your room- running his fingers along the bassinet and rocking chair in the corner. You still can’t get a read on him.

“A girl?”

His question breaks the air.

“Yes,” you smile at him, “no name yet though.”

“I’m sure you’ll pick a nice one,” he says with a smile, but his tone is entirely too melancholic.

A painful thump in your heart fills your body with sadness. He doesn’t want to be involved. Of course he doesn’t want to be involved. You are his knocked up ex-girlfriend. What were you expecting? The lump forming in your throat is unbearable.

“You don’t want to be involved?”

Oh good Gods you are crying. Astarion rushes over to you the minute your tears begin to fall- sitting in front of you on the bed. He reaches out and gently wipes your tears away as he speaks.

“I want to be involved so badly it hurts,” his voice comes out scratchy and emotional, “but that is your decision, not mine. You have been on your own for months, my Love. Instead of trying to come back and make it better- I pushed it off until I thought I could give you what you deserved- a life in the sun.”

You almost whine in protest when his hands leave your face. He twists the ring around his index finger before continuing, avoiding your gaze, “But maybe I was wrong. Maybe what you deserve is a person that isn’t so damaged. Someone who can give you what you actually deserve which is a loving partner who hasn’t hurt you over and over again- a man worthy of being a father to ou- I mean your child.”

His confession and the tears that are streaming down his face are enough for you. Yes, you absolutely want to scream and yell at him, but you also ache for him. You can’t fault the man for being a slave for 200 years and then not taking it very well when you told him what to do. You always knew you would forgive him if he came back- you never thought he would, but here he is and like he said- there is no reason to keep wasting time.

“She is our child, Star,” you whisper and guide his eyes to look at you, “I want you to be involved. I don’t care what you think I deserve either. I have missed you so horribly since you left. It’s almost pathetic really. I’ve tried to blame it on the hormones, but… I don’t know. The picture has felt incomplete up until now.”

You absentmindedly put your hand on your stomach- receiving a kick. You glare at the place where your hand is resting.

“Will you stop kicking me for five minutes!?” You scream, “I WAS IN THIS BODY FIRST!”

Astarion looks at you bewildered and confused, but quickly realizes you aren’t talking about him. The smile that spreads across his face is wide and Astarion gingerly moves closer. You are still a little cautious- needing to protect not only yourself, but also your unborn child. He moves to the right of you and goes to move you just slightly so he can slip in behind you.

“Could I? I mean if it’s not crossing any boundaries!”

Astarion is on edge- you can tell that much, but he doesn’t look at you like he did that last time you saw him- Astarion is looking at you like you are the most precious individual who has ever walked this earth.

You nod shyly, and then Astarion slots himself behind you, your back against his chest, his face in the crook of your neck, and his legs on either side of yours. He cautiously puts his hands on your stomach and is immediately kicked.

Astarion laughs with joy, “she’s strong!”

“Strong willed and strong physically,” you shake your head and you are laughing a bit now too, “you may just get your wish yet.”

“What wish?”

It had slipped. You hadn’t meant to bring it up again- or maybe you did. You want to know for sure if he still feels that way, but the confusion in his voice says he doesn’t. You go rigid and go to dismiss it when you feel his posture change behind you, his grip loosening ever so slightly.

“Right… that.”

The silence is nerve-wracking. You’ve lost him again, you are sure of it. A stray tear begins to roll down your cheek.

“Astarion-“

“No, let me think, Darling. I want to make sure I say everything I want to say correctly.”

You continue to sit there in silence, he places soft kisses on your neck. You feel him smile against your skin at the needy moan that escapes your lips. You absentmindedly reach out for one of his hands and begin to play with his fingers while he thinks. Astarion used to let you do this all the time while you were traveling- it helps you feel grounded.

“I was so consumed by all that power in the moment,” he says slowly, “I wasn’t thinking. By the time I had realized what I had done, I felt like it was already too late- you most likely hated me and moved on.”

You have to bite your tongue- you want to scream. Hate him? Never. You had been miserable without him around for that last month of traveling. Your heart had felt like a dead weight in your chest and you had been moving around like a zombie.

“So I tried to move on… I even tried to be with others, but I just couldn’t do it. It’s selfish, but I want you. I never want anything bad to happen to you- I certainly don’t ever want you to die screaming. I don’t want you to ever carry a child that is not mine.”

You are surprised by the warmth in your core when he says his last sentence. There is something so primal there that you have to really focus on what he is saying next.

Astarion clears his throat before finishing speaking, “I don’t want to be without you anymore- four months is too long. I don’t want to miss out on anymore of your pregnancy and I want to be here for you- with you- doing this together like we should have been doing this whole time. I was a horrible fool- please give me another chance. Please, Darling. I love you- so so much more than I ever thought anyone could ever love someone.”

Astarion’s words hang in the air and you are trying not to begin crying for the 15th billion time. This is what you had wanted to hear all along. You can feel his tears on the collar of your shirt- the way he inhales as if to memorize your scent like this is the last time. Astarion is not expecting you to say yes- you know that because he’s starting to loosen up, pulling away from you so that he can respect your decision.

“I love you too,” you whisper, “I don’t want to be without you anymore either. I forgive you- please stay.”

“I won’t be going anywhere unless you want me too, my Love.”

[blossomingmoonlight]

⭑ Separate Worlds, Chapter Three ⭑

Main masterlist

Pairing: Michael Gavey x Popular!rich!reader

Warnings: 18+ mdni, mentions of alcohol, michael being a horny virgin, michael being desparate, reader being thirsty, mastrubation.

Summary: Living two completely separate lives you and Michael had never really crossed paths and you’ve never really looked at him before. But when your worlds collide, affections arise.

Word count: 1.2k

Saturday, 15th October 2006

You awoke with an awful headache, you didn’t think you had enough to drink to even get hungover but it had been a while since you last had any alcohol. Your mind flashed back to last night, the argument, running in your heels after Michael, breaking into the library, the dusty attic with the starry night sky, and- him of course. His breathtaking eyes, big nose, sharp jaw and chiselled chin. Your mind started to wander, his veiny arms and most importantly his veiny hands, thick fingers, broad shoulders and just his hair that looked so graspable- Christ. Get a grip. 

You got out of bed as the stinging headache and a wave of nausea hit you. A good shower would fix you, maybe today would be a self care day, just to energise for the week. But even in the shower your mind started to wander, and they got even worse- all you could think about was what his cock looked like, how his big hands would look grabbing your hips as you rode him. And with that image you finished. When you had gotten ready for the day, well at least dressed. You decided to get some food and coffee. 

Once in the main courtyard you ran into Farleigh, Maisie and Eloise. “Hey, you okay? You stormed out on your own birthday last night.” Maisie asked, a bit concerned. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just had too much to drink and it had gotten to my head. But I’m fine now. You guys want to grab some coffee with me?” They stopped questioning you at that and you all hit the nearest Starbucks. 

Sunday, October 16th 2006

You made your way to the library, heart pounding in your chest. All day yesterday you thought about him, after the shower you had to relieve yourself once more when you climbed into bed that night. You didn’t even need to study, but you hoped so badly he would be there. You entered the library with a beaming smile on your face, expecting to see him. He wasn’t there? What?

A sigh left your lips and you turned on your heel. No reason for coming here then. You decided to head to your friend's dorm instead. 

Monday, October 17th 2006

Finally! You felt like Monday couldn’t come fast enough, at last you were able to see him again. Even though it had only been two days since your last encounter, it felt like a week. You knew the second you saw him in class you would bring him the box of crunchies with your phone number and email taped onto it as well as a funny maths pun t-shirt you bought while getting coffee on Saturday. You used your calculator Saturday night and the bastard was right. So of course you had to reward him.

You didn’t even meet up with Eloise like usual before maths, instead you put on your cutest outfit, showered before and wore your strongest and nicest perfume. Surely this would grab his attention. But when you got there a message dinged on your phone. 

Eloise Sinclair: please don't kill me im fucking sick and i cant get out of bed :(((  8:56

(You): No worries, just rest ok? Want me to bring you something after maths?  8:57

Eloise Sinclair: no maisie just got here with supplies. thanks though xxx  8:57

(You): Ok I’ll visit later xx  8:57

Maybe it was the universe sending you signs because when you stepped in the lecture hall you spotted Michael, with empty seats next to him. You almost jogged down the stairs with a huge grin and dropped the box with crunchies, the t-shirt and the note on his tiny desk. He looked at you in surprise as you sat at the desk right next to him. Was he dreaming? “Morning, you were right. You are a genius. So here are the crunchies as promised and also a funny t-shirt I saw when I was out, made me think of you.” You smiled as you nudged the box towards him. 

Michael however was still stunned. Did his dream girl who was way out of his league dump her friends to sit next to him? Did she buy him his favourite treat? Did she think of him while she was out? And most important of all…she called him a genius. Fuck. He was actually hard right now, how pathetic. How does a guy get hard from just some gifts and a compliment? How did- “Helloooo? Earth to Michael?” You snapped him out of his thoughts. 

“I’m sorry, it’s pretty early- uhm- thank you I really appreciate it.” He smiled, and for the first time he smiled properly, showing off his cute teeth. And holy shit did that make you fall harder.  Luckily for him, you hadn’t noticed his boner, he swiftly moved the sweater that was hanging from his shoulders to his lap. You wanted to talk to him more and tell him you left your info in the box too but the professor was starting and somehow, sitting next to Michael Gavey made it so much less boring.

The lecture seemed to fly by and the end was near. After the professor made you do some practice assignments she spoke up. “Before next monday I have a little project that I want you to complete, this project will require you to partner up with someone. The project information itself will be handed out before you leave, you can now choose your partner.” The class immediately started to mingle and you turned to Michael. 

“So since you’re next to me anyway, want to partner up?” He looked unsure and turned more towards you. “Uhm, usually I prefer to work alone.” Oh. But when your face dropped he continued. “But I don’t think we really have a choice and I would rather work with you than anyone else here.” He rambled. That made you smile again, the professor handed out the information you needed and you agreed to meet up the following morning since you both had a free period at the same time. 

The second Michael got back to his dorm room he threw the sweater he held discreetly in front of him on his desk chair and quickly moved on his bed. His cock was straining in his pants and he never had needed relief this badly. Your perfume was still lingering in his nose, the way your tits were almost out with that top you wore, the skirt that showed off your silky smooth thighs. It was all too much. He quickly grabbed his laptop that was still on his bed and went to his saved porn, all girls that looked like you with guys that looked like him.

The video started to play and he opened his pants so he could finally relieve his aching cock. He almost came in record time as he released all over his veiny hand, cumming with a loud groan he had to muffle.

Tag list (also want to be tagged in chapters? message me): @sepherinaspoppies

[holylulusworld]

The one that got away (1)

Summary: Your best friend breaks your heart.

Pairing: AU!Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, unrequited feelings, time jump, regret

A/N: This is a little gift for @elle14-blog1 for her birthday. It’s today, so happy birthday, lovely. And, I decided to turn this story into a mini-series. 😁

The one that got away masterlist

Dean Winchester would never break your heart. Right? He’s your best friend. You used to be thicker than thieves. Until. One day. You decided to tell him how you truly feel about him.

You wanted more than being his best friend. So, one day you decided it’s time to step up for yourself and tell him you want more. Much more.

Sadly, Dean didn’t require your feelings. He stammered your name, telling you he was sorry, but doesn’t feel the same. It was worse that he hugged you and told you he’s going to be your friend if that’s enough.

You shook your head and choked out his name. “No,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “I think we cannot be friends any longer. I love you, and it’s killing me inside. If you are my friend, you’ll understand that we can never see each other again.”

That day, you walked away with a heavy heart and tears in your eyes. Deep down in your heart, you knew it wasn’t his fault. Sometimes you just fall in love with the wrong person. You cannot force them to love you.

This doesn’t mean it won’t break your heart to cut ties with them…

A few years later, …

Today is a good day. It’s not only your birthday, but the day conference you have been waiting for. You just got a promotion and love your new job. But the best is, that you feel cute and self-confident in your brand-new dress. 

“Y/N, are you ready for the conference?” Your colleague asks. She nervously tugs at her blazer; eyes darting from you to the arriving participants of the conference. “I’m a little nervous. Uh-I hate talking in front of people.”

“Just imagine them naked and you are golden,” you chuckle at your own boldness. She gasps at your words and slaps your arm. 

“That’s not helpful.”

“Hmm…” you nod and drop your eyes to the notes in your hands. You’ll be the one opening the conference and now, you are a little nervous too. “Maybe we should take a deep breath and relax a little. They are all people, and no one is going to bite us if we make a mistake.”

“I wish I could,” she whines. “Wish me luck, Y/N. If I embarrass myself in front of all these strangers, I’m going to drown my sorrows in cupcakes.”

“Phew, I made it.” Half an hour later your colleague stands next to you, sighing deeply. “I won’t do this again. I’m telling you; my panties are soaked.”

“What?” You choke on your spit.

“I sweated like a nun in the church,” she whispers. “I wish you look. I’m going to grab the largest coffee and a dozen cupcakes to celebrate I didn’t embarrass myself.”

You chuckle as someone calls your name. It’s your turn to hold your speech, and you only hope you won’t ruin this. Speaking in front of many people is not your favorite task, to be honest.

While you walk toward the front of the room, you feel all eyes on you. 

You take a deep breath and sort your notes. “Hello, and welcome. We have been looking forward to this conference. All of us.” You smile at the people listening to your words. “Let me introduce you now to our newest project. The one we will be working on together. Cheryl will guide you through the presentation. You can ask me and her questions later.”

Cheryl, your assistant starts the presentation, and you step a little to the left to take the only free seat next to a man who has his back on you and the presentation. 

“Sir, you should turn around. The presentation is—” Your heart stops beating for a minute when the man turns around. A pair of familiar green eyes meet yours. You just stare at him – the man haunting your dreams and thoughts.

“Hello sweetheart,” he casually says, as if you parted ways just yesterday. Dean smiles that million-dollar smile making a woman weak in the knees. Damn him, he still can make your heart race. “How have you been?”

Dean watches you nervously shift in your seat. The presentation and your assistant long forgotten, you drink his features in. There are a few lines around his eyes, and his hair is a little longer. He’s wearing an expensive suit and a tie, but he still looks like the cocky guy who used to be your best friend.

“Good,” you finally reply. “You?”

“Good, I guess,” he clears his throat. “I mean, I like my job, and I still got my car.”

“Baby?” You can’t help but smile. “How is the pretty lady?”

“Still pretty,” he leans closer and brushes his thumb over your thigh. “Not as pretty as you, sweetheart. You look pretty in that dress. Blue suits you.”

“Now you try to charm your way out of this unexpected encounter,” you slap his hand, and chuckle. If only your heart would stop beating out of your chest close to him. “How’s Sam?”

“He’s a lawyer now, and married to Jess,” he says. “You remember the blonde he met before you left town?”

“She was nice.” You clear your throat. “They made a cute couple. I knew there was something special between them.”

He nods, but his eyes sadden a little. “So…are you already married to Mr. Fantastic?” 

“No, I—” you fake-cough. “I was busy making a career and building a life. I didn’t have the time to get married and such.”

“Same. I’m still the untamable bachelor looking for the one.” Your heart flutters when he looks at you. There is something in his eyes you didn’t see before. Sadness, or regret maybe.”

“Yeah,” you nod in agreement. “Finding the one is hard. People are…you know.” You shrug. “It’s difficult to fulfill all the things they look for in a partner. I didn’t fulfill anyone’s standard yet.”

“Y/N, you are perfect. Why would you want to change for a guy?” He squares his jaw when you look away. Dean knows who made you feel this way. 

Cheryl calls your name, and you reluctantly leave your seat to talk about your presentation and the project. 

Dean watches you every move. He licks his lips and leans back in his chair. Dean nervously runs his hand over his thighs, trying to calm his nerves. Seeing you after such a long time woke a longing in him.

There is more than the flutter in his heart when you shyly glance in his direction. If he allows himself to be honest, Dean knows that deep down in his heart he let his soulmate go back then… 

The one that got away (2)

Tags in reblog.

[misguidedasgardian]

Wildcats (Part XIX)

XIX. Keep an eye on the horizon

MASTERLIST

Summary: Thesis, Antithesis, Synthesis, that’s how it worked. 

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Zombie apocalypse AU, living dead, zombies, guts, blood, guns, injures, angst, fluff, cuddling, inaccuracy in describing places iI have never been in, MIGHT MISS SOME IMPORTANT WARNINGS, but you know what this is about. 

+18, MINORS DNI

Notes: Alrighttttt I noticed you weren’t thrilled about our decision to go to DC, but it’s gonna be fine… and Daryl won’t be in the dark for long… ANYWAYS I read a nice comment form the early chapters that said “I love reader she is so funny and badass” AND YES WE ARE, WE JUST NEED TO REMEMBER THAT, ALRIGHT? We are badasses, and she needs to “assert dominance”, and we will!. 

You grabbed your bag, with your essentials for a couple of days. 

It had been hectic, a couple of days of planning, a big map of DC, thorough planning of entrances and exits, of a plan A, B, C, you believed you managed to get to a plan M. Rick, Abraham and Rosita had given total control of the mission, letting you choose even which car to take out there, and the provisions, and of course, you consulted in them too, in all of the decisions.

Soon the night before the trip came, and you were nervous, but in a good way, in an excited way, you checked the map one more time while you were in bed, preparing mentally for everything to be disastrous, to be empty, to be destroyed, ravaged and pillaged, to not finding anything but walkers… but at the same time, you were hopeful.

Deanna had told you that she had sent a couple of people into DC, but they never got too close to the city center. 

You got startled when you felt a knock on the door, you hid the map as if you were a little kid with something you shouldn’t be, as you indicated quickly that the person who knocked could come in.

You were surprised to see Daryl there, after a week of stalking him at night time, tonight you decided to let him be, especially since tomorrow you were going to leave, and also, you didn’t want to pressure him.

“Hey”, he greeted

“Hey”, you whispered back, with a soft smile, “you went out there again?”, you asked, honestly since yesterday, when you encountered him outside the pantry, you haven't seen him much.

“Nah, I was fixing my bike”. he said, “Rick told us to stop looking fo people for a while”

“Oh”, that was news to you, ever since the dispute on the morning before his trial you had been distant with the leader of your group. Even though he seemed like his good old self the moment you asked him about going to Washington. You needed to get close with Rick again.

“What were you up to?”, he asked, seeming uncomfortable, you’d ask him to come in, but you didn’t want to scare him

“Readin”, you answered simply.

“Didn’t see you today”, he leaned against the doorframe, looking at you

“Sorry, my head was elsewhere”, you mumbled. “Did you manage to fix your bike?”, it was a  strained conversation, you could feel it. Weird too.

“Yeah”, he whispered. “Is everythin’ alright?”, he asked, and it killed you to see that glint of hope in his eyes

“Yeah”, you assured him, “it is”

“Don’t seem like it”, he mumbled

“Well, my boyfriend, or at least, who I consider my boyfriend won’t sleep with me… so I wanted to give him some space”, you explained calmly. Then you thought better of it, maybe it was too early to call him that, you felt like an idiot doing so… but something got lost in translation. What were you two anyways? is not like you were friends with benefits or crap like that…

“I am your boyfriend now?”, he mocked, lightheartedly 

“Yes you are right, it sounds childish, from now on, I’ll refer to you as my man-friend”, you said with a cheeky smile. He chuckled darkly, scratching his neck. He looked around your room, finally stepping inside. 

“Can I… stay here?”, he asked, you smiled and nodded enthusiastically

“Of course”, you said, opening his bed more for him to join you. You had become excited. He got into the bed, clothes and all. Did he even have pajamas? you had found some in the clothes the Alexandrians had given you, soft cotton, with long sleeves and legs, nothing too fancy. You made a mental note to get him some comfortable ones, he could use when he stayed in your room, or wherever.

A thing you found odd, but quite endearing when you started joining Daryl at nights… was that you seemed to fit well together all the time. Back then you barely knew each other and yet, you seemed to be made to cuddle each other. You felt your cheeks heated at the thought, and your hands a bit sweaty. 

“What were you readin?”, he asked

“Deanna gave some of Reg’s books, I found a book of poems by an artist I loved”, you said with a soft smile. He cuddled into you, and you left the poems of William Morris aside.

“Keep readin”, he begged

“It’s in my mother tongue”, you warned

“Mmmm read woman, so I can learn”, he said simply, “can’t have my girlfriend cussing me out without me knowin”, you chuckled

“You called me your girlfriend”, you giggled. He chuckled, passing an arm over your torso, hugging you, and squeezed at your teasing. You laughed harder.

“Wanna talk about it?”, you asked softly, you didn’t know how to approach him, you wanted him to tell you things, what was on his mind, you found yourself wishing you could go inside his head sometimes.. 

“Read”’, he requested softly, his head on the crook of your neck. 

Now you certainly felt guilty… For not telling him anything about the trip, but now you didn’t want to spoil the mood, so… you always had till the last minute tomorrow…

. . .

You woke up alone, which saddened you, but perhaps it was for the best… So you got up, took a long shower and got dressed. 

So now the day had finally come and you were… extremely excited. more so than being nervous, you took it as a great sign. The plans were laid down, everything was looking good, the sun was shining. You took a deep breath into the day and started walking towards the truck you had picked.  You heard behind you some hurried steps, so you turned around to meet Daryl, who looked absolutely annoyed. 

“Why did ya’ tell me?”, he asked angrily when he saw you, you sighed, “Rick told me, ya’ going to DC, he thought I knew”

“It’s nothing personal”, you said, you resume your walk, as he started walking by your side

“Feel like it is”, he said

“It’s not”, you assured him, he grabbed you by the arm softly

“Why didn’t ya tell me?”, he insisted

“I thought you were busy… with Aaron, you are the new recruiter and all”

“Don't gimme that shit”, he said, you stopped to look at him

“I want to get out there again, I’m growing roots already”, you said, “and DC is right there, we might find something good”, but you weren’t answering his question, “for some reason, every time I want to go out there, you find reasons to keep me here”, you accused, “you are out there with Aaron, he needs you, and I’m… here”, you finished 

“I wanna keep ya safe!”, he said

“Don’t you think I want to keep YOU safe?”, you asked, “but I know… I can’t just chain you to the inside of the walls here, you go out there, every damn day, and I just have to sit and pray…”

“You pray?”, he asked, you shook your head

“Now you will have to do the same, have faith…”, you finished softly. 

“You don’t want me to come”, he said, “that’s what you are saying”, he said childishly. 

“No…”, you said softly. 

“Then I’ll go”

“There is no need”, you insisted

“Aaron can keep ‘mself from goin’ out ‘ere for a couple of days”

You didn’t even know why you were being this childish. You wanted to get out there, and DC was right there, the part that confused you, is why you didn’t want Daryl to come with you, you purposefully didn’t tell him, and now you were keeping him from going

You liked him, you liked having him around, you liked kissing him, but… you felt like you needed to do this, and if he was there… you were going to be nervous, you were going to be more worried about him, -not that he needed to be cared for though-, more than doing what you wanted to do, more than finding what you were looking for

And more than that… you wanted to test it, to spend a few days away, what will happen to him, to you, to what this was between you. You needed a few days to think, to gain perspective

But he was not going to let you go without him, looks like it.

“Why do you want to go?”, you asked, “it's a huge city, we might be going into a huge trap”

“Why do you wanna go?”, he asked then

“I want to make a big supply run, and not only supplies, but… maybe… intel run, maybe we find someone out there”

“Wha’ like the president?”, he mocked

“Or like a fucking army”, you said then, “scientists…”

“I’ll go with you”, you shook your head

“You need to be here, with our people”

“Why?”

“They might need you”, you said, “Rick… I’m taking Abraham and Rosita… a lot of firepower…”

“M’sure Glenn will stay”, he said

“I need you to stay”, you said more firmly, “I think if we both go and don’t make it, the group will fall apart”

“I dun’ want ya’ to get killed out ‘ere!”, he said, exasperated

“I won’t!”, you assured him

“I dun give a damn what happens here if you ain’t here!”, he said, exasperated, he actually surprised you with that, “M’goin”

“Daryl”

“(y/n)”, he called back. You shared looks, “I’m goin”, he said, and you barely nodded

“Fine”, you snapped

“Fine”, he echoed 

“But don’t you ever try to stop me from doing something, alright?”, you warned, “And I’m leading this mission!”,

“Fine”, he repeated

“Fine!”, you said, and you walked away from here. “Get your things!”, you said, you turned to see Rick and Tyresse watching the scene, with smiles on their faces, “traitor!”, you accused Rick, pointing at him with your finger

“If he goes, I’ll be calmer”, he said, his hands on his belt. 

You then met Abraham and Rosita

“Daryl is joining us”, you said with a forced smile. It was supposed to be Glenn, but now you realized they all had been plotting against you.

He joined you soon after, only carrying his crossbow and a crossed bag. 

“I’m the leader of this mission”, you said to the group, but specially to Daryl, “as such you’ll have to do as I say”

“Yes Ma’am”, he drawled, with an amused look on his face. 

“As Rosita and Abraham will know by now, I will hear opinions and ask for advice”, you said, you didn’t want to come out bossy, BUT… you needed to lead, that is what this was all about, sort of. A weak leader was one of the most dangerous things, especially in missions like this.

You stood in front of the truck and you opened the map you had procured.

“We go in one car, hoping to bring in more”, you said, “as we discussed, we take the 95 that will merge into the 1, in the first step in our mission… the pentagon”

“WHAT?”, asked Daryl, you looked at him with a warning in your eyes, and he raised his hands in surrender. It did sounded like a movie, but… that was the center of intelligence, there must be something there. 

“Then we cross the Potomac right to the center, if the war against the dead developed similarly as the other cities we have seen… we will find rest of the military there we can scavenge”, you said, “then into the CDC”, you said drawing into the map, “for the second item of this mission, intel…”, you said, “and for the third and fourth items… supplies and medicine, amongst the ten block radio around the monuments we will find three shopping malls and others, of course, I expect them to be completely scavenged by this point, so for that… in comes the plan B, we cross Anacosita river, into the Joint Base Andrews, see what we can find there, around, are some good neighborhoods we can scavenge in case we don’t have anything by then… ”

“Fine”, mumbled Daryl, seemingly impressed.

“Then from there we take the 495 back home”, you said triumphantly. “Let’s go”, you announced, Rick had sneaked in, hearing the entire conversation.

He hugged you, surprising you

“Come back”, he whispered in your ear, you nodded

“I will”, you assured him.

“You have 96 hours”, said Rick, “if you’re not back by then, we will go looking for you”

“Fine”, you said, smiling softly.

You said your goodbyes, all of your group was there, and even Deanna. Oh you really hoped you were right with this hunch. That you were not leading them into your untimely deaths. 

That’s why it needed to go well.

You checked your gun for the tenth time, and the magazine was full, you sharpened your ax, you had a first aid kit on you, in your backpack, all the things you could need…

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine”, said Rosita, “we trust you”, she said and you smiled nervously at her

You were dying to drive, but you let Abraham do it instead, you were delegating, that’s what leaders do, Rosita rode shotgun, and you and Daryl in the back.

You felt his gaze on you, so you preferred to watch the map obsessively, and then the outside. It was a nice day, sunny, but not hot, comfortable. You took a long breath.

Were you leading your family to their deaths?

“I was actually in Washington in the 90’s”, said Abraham, “I remember it as it was yesterday”

“Did you?”, you asked.

“Yes, I have a good layout of the city right up here in my coconut”, you all laughed 

“Good to know”, you laughed. And you knew he was trying to relax you.

Yes, uncharted territory. Washington was a big city, furthest from the top ten of most populated cities in the US, but still. And it was evacuated… this could be a “gold mine”, as it where….the answer to many of your problems. 

You felt Daryl’s gaze on you, so you returned the stare. You knew you had hurt him, by keeping this from him, you had to make it right.

“I’m sorry for not telling you”, you whispered, he only hummed, “I knew you were going to try and keep me there”

“S’fine”, he mumbled

“No it’s not, I lied to you”, you said, “and I’m sorry”. you meant it, he looked at you right in the eyes and nodded

“S’ok”, he said with a nod, you grabbed his hand, he interlocked his finger with yours and he squeezed gently. 

You were glad you had him with you right now, you didn't know what you were thinking, not telling him about this, not wanting him to come. 

. . .

It was like in the movies.

As you got out of the truck and looked over the government building. The center of intelligence of the US. The pentagon. It was huge, but empty, even though, it looked in perfect condition. not a single window was broken. 

Everything was like they just left the day before, as you entered slowly. It had been evacuated… promptly. A lot of offices… you didn't know what you expected of the building. 

“Its the second largest office building in the world”, said Abraham proudly, as you sneaked inside.

Again, you didn't know what you expected, if moats and secret passages, but it looked like a normal building, an office building, like five buildings one inside of another. this kind of intel, what was the government doing in certain years, was not going to help you know… 

This thing was like a maze, and it was dangerously quiet, not a walker on sight, and -if that made any sense-, made it even scarier. As you went into offices, you noticed all the file cabinets were empty, nor a paper on sight…

You made the call of not splitting, yes you were going to take four times as longer, but that was the call you had made, you weren’t splitting, so you went trough the offices more thoroughly and faster too.

You remembered every action movie you had seen, so, only looking under desks you had gathered a good number of loaded handguns. 

So far, so good. You went into the same side of the building, through six different buildings towards the center, and you managed to gaze upon the main courtyard, you saw it.

“So that’s what they did with all the intel”, muttered Abraham. it was all burnt to the very ground, was used to be a nice yard, you’d imagine, it was all burnt. as were the millions of documents that used to be in the offices.

“I guess even after all that, after the dead rose from their graves, they had priorities”, you mumbled. 

“Let’s find the defense secretary offices”, mumbled Abraham. 

You found a shit ton of handguns, but nothing more of interest, except for a bending machine with pretty much untouched candy, your favorite. You bagged those pretty quickly. 

You felt Daryl’s presence always behind you or on your side, but he didn't question any decision you made and you were grateful, you were becoming more excited as you advanced through the building. 

“So… what's the move, boss?”, asked Abraham, as you started to wander through the huntingly similar hallways.

“We have more handguns than people in Alexandria”, you said with your heavy bag on your back. “Let’s move on to the city center”, you said softly, “before it gets dark, I don’t want to be trapped inside here with no power and no light”. You said quickly. Then you looked at their determined faces, “is that alright?”, you asked then, doubting your own decision. 

“Yes”, said Rosita, and you got into a defensive position, walking back towards the entrance of the building, having scouted two sides of it, although you had come across places you couldn’t access due to lack of power and access cards. 

You couldn’t deny you were excited to be in the capital, you had sneaked into one of the coolest buildings in the US, but you were so on survival mode that you forgot to be hyped about it. 

“Don’t be afraid to boss us around”, said Abraham, placing one of his hands on your shoulder as you were walking out, he was as entertained as you, “we signed up for this”, you nodded, convinced. 

“Than you”

“You are making good calls”, he said with a nod

“Don’t say that yet”, you mumbled. 

You took a couple of walkers that were coming for you from the parking lot, and you got into the truck again.

Abraham tossed you the keys

“Your turn boss”, he said, chuckling, and Rosita got up in the back seats, and you and Daryl on the front. You took a long breath. It's been a while since you hadn't driven. But it was like riding a bike, you never forget it. 

You were invigorated by the success so far, so you started the truck.

“It’s a stick”, mumbled Daryl by your side, doubting your skills

“So it is”, it ran without trouble. as you put the truck in motion in 1st, and then 2nd. Daryl seemed impressed. “What?”, you teased, “I know how to drive stick”, he just smiled at you. “Lead me please”

“Yes Ma’am”, he said, opening the map. 

The roads were mostly intact, so far, as were the big bridges that went over the Potomac river. This city hasn't been bombed like Atlanta had, and it was mostly intact from what you could see, just inhabited.

The Washington monument stood tall, you were embarrassed to admit you got distracted watching it and almost ran over a walker and you got out of the way.

“Ups”, you mumbled. As Daryl chuckled. You had not trouble running over a dead one, BUT, it could jeopardize the truck, it could break it, so you did not intend on doing that if you had the road space to fo around it, “Sorry about that”.

“Can’t believe we’re here after all this time”, said Rosita with a big smile.

“It’s surreal”, you whispered. You felt something strange, in the truck you meant. “Does this thing have 4-wheel drive?”, you asked Abraha,, who just chuckled

“Don’t think so”, it was an old truck. But you felt it heavy… You looked through the rearview mirror to the back of the truck where your bags where, but you knew for a fact, that even with the guns, you didn’t bring anything heavy-er… and when you saw something move back there, you hit the brakes so hard you learned like three new curse words in spanish

“WHAT THE HELL?”, asked Daryl, who might as well have crashed into the console.

“You got ourselves a stowaway”, you grunted. 

You took your gun and your ax and jumped out of the truck after opening the door and that is what got them all in alert, jumping out too. You were still over the bridge. the coast was clear,

You grabbed the thick tarp made of cloth you had to cover your things, and there he was, trembling in fear

“Eugene!?”, asked Rosita.

“Hey”, he muttered

“Damn”, muttered Abraham, then he looked at you, “how did you know?”, he asked, you just smiled

“Eugene why didn’t you tell us?”, asked Daryl, helping him out of the back of the truck

“It was a last minute call and I didn’t want you to change plans, and I thought if I did this… and you wouldn’t notice… it would be safer”

“That makes no sense”, you said, “you should have told us”

“He has a point”, muttered Rosita, and she did, this was planned for four, not five, you should have taken another car.

“I want it to see it”, he said, pointing at the monument, “but I also wanted Daryl to come and protect us”, he said, you frowned, “so he could protect you while Rosita and Abraham protect me”, he said straight to you

“I am really in the “I need protection” team?”, you asked, that insulted you a bit. You thought you were holding your ground, and not in the ”weaker” part of the team.

“No you are not!”, said Rosita, who had been giving you lessons in hand to hand combat.

“Fine, I’m sorry”, as a leader you needed to learn to make decisions when situations like this presented themselves.

“Abraham?”, you called, “Ride in the back, with our biggest gun, that view will alert us if something is strange, watch out for snipers”, you told him, in a very professional manner

“Yes Ma’am”, he said, climbing into the back

“Remember our code in the RV?”, you asked him, “two taps for slowing down, three taps for stopping, one long one to watch out”

“Indeed”, he said. You then turned to Eugene

“Well, like I said, too many times already, you are under my command”, you said Eugene and he nodded quickly, “and under my protection”, he opened his eyes widely, “let’s go, before it gets dark we need to find a safe place to spend the night”, you said surely. 

And, with a slight change of plans, you entered the very center of Washington DC.

With no idea what waited for you there. 

taglist! <3

@crazyunsexycool @capricxnt

[darkbluekies]

Hi, could I please request one for Hedwig where her darling tries to end the relationship not because they don't love her but because they believe they aren't good enough and could find someone better.

since darling always hears people wonder how someone like them got someone like Hedwig.

[I really, really enjoyed this one, i think its one of my favorites!! I love writing unstable yanderes <333]

I'd kill for you!

Female!yandere OC x reader

Summary: people have been telling you that you don't deserve Hedwig and when you're trying to break up with her, all Hell breaks loose. She can't let you break up with her.

Warnings: clingy yandere, possessive behaviour, obsession, love bites, angst, suggestion towards killing

Word count: 1.8

To Hedwig’s protests, you did actually sleep at home yesterday. She wants you to be as close to her as possible at all times of the day. This morning, she tells her chauffeur to drive quicker to school so Hedwig can meet up with you before class. 

You’re sitting in a chair in the back of your classroom. You’ve placed your bag on the seat next to you to make sure no one else will sit there. To be fair, you need a little break from Hedwig and her suffocating thoughts. If you let her know what you’re thinking, she will babble until you change your mind and think like she does. You have to get your head straight and make a list in your head before approaching her. If you’re not strict and firm on your ground, she’ll break you down. 

People have been saying that you don’t deserve someone like Hedwig. She’s out of your league in every way possible. Their jealousy has carved a hole in your brain and caused your self esteem to spill out. People haven’t been secretive with their opinions about you. You’ve heard it all. You would be lying if you said that it didn’t make your heart clench. Hedwig is your everything. You have no other friends than her — which is all thanks to Hedwig — and she treats you so well. She gives you everything you want, brings you with her for the smallest tasks and stands up for you when others track down on you.

She deserves someone better than you. 

Hedwig enters the classroom with a smile, happy to sit beside you. Except for when she’s about to move your bag, you stop her hand. 

“I’d like to sit alone today”, you say.

“Why?” Hedwig asks. “Is something wrong?”

“I just need to be alone for a little while.”

“Does this have anything to do with the fact that you didn’t want to stay over at my house last night?”

“Yeah …”

Hedwig places her handbag on the table and takes your hands in hers. You try to pull them out of her grip, but she won’t let you. 

“Please tell me what’s wrong, Y/N”, she pleads. “I will do anything. If I have done anything to make you sad, I will fix it immediately.”

“You haven’t done anything”, you sigh and avoid her doe eyes. “I just want to be alone for today.”

“Oh … okay …”, Hedwig says quietly and takes her designer bag. “I’ll … I’ll leave you be then … I love you, Y/N.”

You mumble something back but neither you or Hedwig is sure of what it is. She sits down by one of her friends and gives you a worried glance over her shoulder. You notice it, but you ignore it. Instead, you lean your head down on your arm to hide your face. Hedwig’s friend seems surprised that she’s sitting beside her for once, but Hedwig doesn’t give her any attention, all of her focus is on you. None of you listen to what the teacher says, you being too scared of how to break your thoughts down easily to Hedwig and her head being filled with worry for you. You’ve never asked her to sit somewhere else. Even in your darkest moments, you’ve let her sit beside you. 

As soon as the break starts, she walks back to your table. 

“Do you need anything?” she asks. 

You shake your head and stand up, grabbing your things. 

“Y/N, please talk to me”, she begs with a worried voice. “Tell me what’s wrong! I’ll help you.”

“I don’t know how to say it to you, so I’m waiting until I can come up with a good structure”, you sigh. “Give me some time.”

She gulps. “Okay … okay, I’ll give you the time you need, but can I please be with you?” 

She takes your hand, but you pull yours away. Her hazel eyes fill with tears and you have to look away before you give in to her. Again. 

“Y/N, please”, she whispers with a trembling voice. “You’re scaring me. Please tell me what’s wrong. Please let me be with you. I-I’m not going to make any sounds, I’m not going to bother you at all!” Her voice dies out. “I just … I just need to hold you.”

You want to give in and tell her to come with you, but you don’t. It’ll hurt her now, but she’ll be much happier when she realizes how much you weigh her down, just like everyone tells you. 

You leave the classroom and hear how Hedwig starts to sob behind you. You can’t see how she wipes her tears and gives you a glare through the window. She’s not going to give up on you so easily. 

The next day, it’s the same. You’ve placed your bag on the chair beside you and denies Hedwig access to it. You can tell that she’s more of a ticking time bomb today, about to explode at any minute. She’s touch deprived and needs your presence to keep her at bay. Everyone else’s attention doesn’t matter, it doesn’t satisfy her the way yours do. 

“Get up”, she says sternly. “We need to talk.”

“Class is about to start”, you remind her. 

“Get up, Y/N. Now.”

Surprised by the sudden strength in her voice, you find yourself doing as she says. She grabs your hand tightly and drags you out of the classroom, away from everyone’s eyes. You get pulled through corridors until she reaches the empty bathroom. She pushes you up against the wall to prevent you from running away. 

“What is going on?” she asks frustratedly. “Why are you avoiding me?!”

You have never seen her eyes so light before. It’s as if they’re burning with anger. 

“Why can’t you tell me?” she asks. “I don’t care if you don’t have a good structure to not hurt me, this is hurting me! This … this game of ‘show don’t tell’! Just tell me! I don’t care if it’s bad. Stop torturing me!”

“Fine … I think we should break up-”

“B-Break up?”

The furious light in her eyes is gone as quick as it appeared. Her doe eyes widen as she shakes her head, denying what you just said. 

“Hedwig-”, you start, but her trembling voice cuts you off. 

“Don’t you love me anymore?” she asks. “Have I done something-?”

“No, you haven’t. It’s just … I’ve heard that other people look down on us. They say that you deserve someone better than me and I’ve come to agree.” You shrug sadly. “You’re a great girl, Hedwig … and I don’t think you realize yet that I’m just ruining your reputation. I care about you so I can’t let you waste your last year of high school like this.”

“‘Waste’?” she repeats in shock with tears in her eyes. “Y-You think I’m wasting my time with you? Please don’t say that! I really love you, Y/N … a lot. Much, much more than you could ever imagine.” She grabs your face in her shaking hands. “I-I’d bring down the moon for you! I’d give you every diamond in the world! I’d … I’d kill for you!”

You shiver. Her voice has never sounded so raw before. She’s turning into a sobbing mess and you’re afraid that she’ll break. If she breaks, so will you.

“Please don’t leave me”, she cries and caresses your face with her thumbs. “I-I don’t care what other people say! I’ve never been happier than when I met you!”

“I care about you. I don’t want you to be badly treated as well.”

“I don’t fucking care, Y/N!” she shouts and leans her forehead onto your shoulder, suddenly losing all her energy. Her voice dies out again. “I want you. I don’t want anyone else. Please … please don’t let this end. You love me too, don’t you?”

You nod, voice not holding up. 

“We don’t need other people’s approval”, Hedwig says and nuzzles her wet face into your warm neck. “We only need each other, right?”

“Are you sure you want to take the risk?” you ask. 

Hedwig nods and kisses your neck once. “Of course.”

You sigh and nod for yourself. Maybe she’s right. You wish you had her confidence and determination. She doesn’t care what other people think. If only you could do that too. 

Hedwig pulls back and wipes her runny nose with the sleeve of her white cardigan. 

“So we’re not breaking up?” she asks quietly. “Right?”

You shake your head and she breaks out into a relieved smile. She dries her tears and hugs you, leaning her head on your shoulder. You hug back, holding her gently in her arms. Her happiness quickly turns into anger when she realizes that these thoughts of yours actually weren’t yours. People have been tainting her perfect darling to the point where you want to leave her. She can’t let you and her be surrounded by people who try to break you up. 

“Y/N, could you please tell me who made you feel like this?” she asks carefully. 

“I don’t know their names”, you admit. 

“You can point them out in the yearbook, can’t you?”  

“I think so.”

“Good.” She pulls back and smiles at you. “Everything will be okay, Y/N. I promise.”

You give her a small nod. Hedwig looks down at your neck, thinking. 

“Can I mark you?” she asks. “Please? I want to show people that you’re not going anywhere.”

You nod again. Headwig dives into your neck to create her own watermark on you. No one can steal you and claim you as theirs. The small, almost inaudible sounds you let out convince her that she can never let you go. She loves them so much, she needs to hear them. 

“So beautiful”, she smiles as she looks at her creation. “Now, let’s go back to class. I’ll sit beside you now.”

“Your makeup”, you remind her. 

“Oh right, thank you.”

She fixes her makeup and in a matter of five minutes, no one can tell that she’s been a crying mess. She smiles at you and holds out her hand. You take it and together, you walk back to class. The teacher scolds you for being late, but Hedwig tells him that you were helping her with something. The students can clearly see the mark on your neck and probably think you ‘helping’ her meant something completely different. 

When you come home to Hedwig’s gigantic villah after school, she sits you down on her bed and gives you the yearbook and a red pen. You have to circle everyone you’ve heard talk badly about your and Hedwig relationship. She leans against you while you let the pen mark out the students. Hedwig watches carefully, eyes darkening. Those people will pay dearly for trying to take you away from her. She will hire someone to take care of it for her and then you’ll never have to be afraid again. You’ll be able to live happily ever after with Hedwig!

[whyse7vn]

SEVEN -

[ ot7 x reader ]

sevendaysafreak

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: we are watching jungkook slowly become alpha

namjoon: can you be normal today

jk: do you really mean that bro…

tae: with all my heart..

oh my god i’m tearing up

this is what being a real man is about

jimin: begging for pussy??

jk: I DID NOT BEG??

hobi: you harassed that poor woman for a whole week

yoongi: all for a hand hold

y/n: crazy!

tae: okay??

but it was literally real as fuck so does it matter??

jimin: it was real fucking sad

jin: personally if i was her i would of called the police like sexual harassment hello???

yoongi: right

namjoon: it was a great song jungkook

jk: > //// <

i’m blushing

that was me blushing

and i giggled a little

smiling rn

hehehehehe

namjoon: a thank you would of done it

jk: thank u >.<

jimin: she should of punched him

jin: was there need for an explicit version like??

we got the point the first time

i didn’t need to hear how horny you were for a second time

hobi: he just wanted to swear

tae: no he’s just real as fuck you wouldn’t get it

jk: real as fuck

yoongi: ig it was real as fuck for jungkook

he begs for pussy on a daily

jk: proof?

hobi: by bts

y/n: i’ll leak our dms

jk: DON’T DON’T DON’T

i’m sowyy 😣

jimin: i’m gonna punch him

hobi: fucking seven days a week doesn’t seem right

is that not how you get an std?

jk: no?

yoongi: is that not when you fuck multiple people?

y/n: you fuck multiple people jk?

jk: NO?????

jimin: why is ur no a question

hobi: suspicious

jin: jungkook has crabs

tae: that’s a real man disease

y/n: that’s gross

jk: i’m real

jimin: real itchy

namjoon: can we not talk about stds pls

y/n: i bet jay park has a couple of those

jk: ???

jimin: REALLLL

jin: that’s why him and jk are friends bonded over the burn

jk: i’m not his friend anymore

y/n: character development okay!!!

yoongi: was that bcs he stole from you?

jk: stop talking to me rn

jimin: OMG GUYS

yk i had the worst dream ever yesterday tae was in it

tae: and?

jimin: wdym and

tae: i hope you die

namjoon: pls don’t wish death upon people tae

jimin: yeah tae

tae: all of you can fucking die idc!!!

not jungkook tho he real as fuck

y/n: say real as fuck one more time and i’ll snap ur neck

jin: hot asf

yoongi: ew?

tae: nobody wants to see us winning jk it’s sad 😞

jk: i’m sobbing 💔💔😞😞💔💔

tae: they literally told us to kill ourselves

namjoon: literally no one said that

jimin: in fact YOU said you hope i die

jk: he could of meant by natural causes

tae: right i would never tell you to kill ur self that’s sick and evil

yoongi: kys

tae: ur not going to heaven

yoongi: aw man 🙁

hobi: what if we put tae in the electric chair

jin: what if we put tae and jungkook in the electric chair

jk: wtf ☹️

tae: i could easily survive the electric chair it would feel good to me actually

y/n: i’ve been telling you guys for years we need to lock them up

do you actually read the bullshit they say on a daily it’s actually insane they need help

like professional help

jk: i didn’t even say anything

jimin: you don’t need to

we just know

namjoon: i agree

we could send them to a camp

or something

tae: why are you talking about us like we’re not RIGHT here

jungkook get them omg

jk: i can’t go to camp

too much raw air exposure is bad for my skin

and i have a dentist appointment soon

yoongi: raw air?

jin: how soon is ur appointment?

jk: so soon that i can’t go to camp

tae: JUNGKOOK STAND UR GROUND

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

REPEAT AFTER ME

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

namjoon: tae shut up

y/n: right

tae: i liked it better when you guys just ignored me in this gc

now all you do is be mean

jimin: maybe u deserve it

*you definitely deserve it

hobi: stop talking then idk

yoongi: i will gladly ignore you again

jk: i love you tae i’ll listen to you talk

jin: jungkook the biggest dick rider ever

tae: he’s my little dick rider 🥰😍❤️

hobi: yeah definitely stop talking

namjoon: okay!

y/n: oh my god

jimin: ???

yoongi: um

jin: this is what seven was really about

jk: bro..

tae: lol

jimin: you're really gorgeous i would deadass fight 3 mountain lions in a mcdonald's handicap bathroom stall with my hands tied behind my back and my only weapon is a shake weight glued to my forehead just to get a chance to get to know you and take u out tbh

jin: nurse he’s out again

jimin: wrong chat lol

tae: and you wanna put ME in the electric chair

ur all out of ur minds

namjoon: you were gonna send that to someone????

jimin: is it bad?

y/n: so unbelievably bad

jk: blushing

yoongi: wow

tae: yikes

hobi: bts never beating the rizzless allegations

y/n: who were you gonna send that too?

jk: was it me?

yoongi: that was flirting?

jin: probably the notes app

jimin: no one

jin: told you

notes app.

jk: it wasn’t me?

tae: i’ll be nice and give you some better lines jimin dw

jimin: the only lines you have are of coke

tae: nvm fuck you stay bitchless

namjoon: leave jimin alone

jimin: right leave me alone

namjoon: he’ll open up in his own time

jimin: i fucking won’t

you guys deserve to know NOTHING about me

yoongi: okay don’t care kys

jimin: i have a crush

jin: i’m hungry

hobi: is this the same crush you talked about like 4 weeks ago??

jk: on me?

sorry jimin i’m already in love with someone else

yoongi: didn’t ask

jk: i won’t tell you who it is it’s a secret

namjoon: a secret from who??

jk: what does that mean…

namjoon: don’t we all know…

jin: i SAID i’m hungry

jimin: all you do is eat like omg??

get a job or something??????

jin: i have a job

i serve face for a living i would suggest you look into it since you have so much free time to BULLY and HARASS others but with a face like urs idk if you’ll make the cut

y/n: wow

jimin: i’m not reading all that 💀

y/n: never use that emoji again ew

jimin: 💀💀💀💀💀

y/n: this is why whoever ur trying to rizz up probably thinks ur a loser

yoongi: is it taemin again?

tae: ew you run back to taemin every 4 months it’s kinda embarrassing

jimin: taehyung you actually need to shut ur mouth

breathing the same air as you is embarrassing

and at least i have someone to run back to you are actually genuinely bitchless

tae: u are taemin’s bitch

so technically ur as bitchless

yoongi: gay

jk: don’t be a homocrome

namjoon: stop talking

jimin: it’s not even taemin so shut the hell up

i’m not talking about this anymore

moving on

hobi: what is your mbti guys

jk: physical touch

namjoon: that wasn’t the question

y/n: just say ur horny and go omg

jin: don’t

seven was actually enough

i will hear NO more about jungkooks sex life

everything i have learnt has been without my consent

my lawyers will be in touch

jk: my lawyers are ur lawyers

jin: not anymore

jk: omg…

hobi: oh my oh my god

namjoon: jin stop facetiming me i’m not answering

jin: pls joon pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

namjoon: i’m not sitting there for you to look at urself in the camera for an hour

i have things to do

jimin: that sounds like very jobless behaviour to me tbh

jin: you can’t be ugly and jealous pls pick a struggle

tae: and rizzless

hobi: i know ur not talking…

tae: ????

hobi: tae i need you to do some self reflection

tae: okay?

i’m hot as fuck

cool as fuck

and real as fuck

i feel well reflected ty for suggesting that hoseok

y/n: i told you i’m gonna snap ur neck if you said that again

start running

jin: coming to watch 🥰

[suguru-getos]

| unwind with me | itachi x reader |

a/n: i’m a sucker for domestic itachiiii <333 fluff and just, slice of life thingy goin’ on

living together with itachi had its perks. you didn’t have to worry about taking the trash out. you didn’t have to worry about a lot of little things which otherwise irritated you. take today for example: you have had a truly hectic week. meetings, appraisals, work politics, a certain bitch you hate and want to kill. everything was coming together hauntingly. so? saturday you didn’t do anything. being the epitome of a couch potato suits you sometimes. especially when those sometimes include your period.

today your eyes opened to an annoying nuisance. your period cramps again. itachi came to you, a huge mug of iced latte in his painted hands, nudging you tenderly and kissing your forehead. “good morning, you are up early today. yesterday you woke up at 11:45. look, it’s just 10:30” he winked, watching you roll your eyes at him. itachi had a subtle way of teasing you & you fairly understood that.

the coffee tasted immaculate. you had no words to express how tasty it was honestly. just the right amount of coldness, the kind that wakes you up soothingly. the perfect amount of chocolate & caramel. the perfect amount of crushed ice. you looked around the house & decided while sipping your morning drink, today you needed to be productive.

“m’ gonna open my laptop & then play games. after that m’ taking a shower and we’ll go out.” oh— itachi was ‘also’ your boyfriend. makes sense doesn’t it? why else would he treat you like a princess when he could’ve been labelled as king ‘aloof’.

“you will take a shower, work out a bit because it’s been 4 days you haven’t moved your body. i suggest pilates since you are still on your period. then, i will help you cook something for lunch. and further on; we will go out.” you always loved when itachi had his little planner instinct come out for you. there are times when you could really use that.

with that, the day was starting to go by with a slight haze. you had tasks lined up where you’d rather not think. give your mind a little rest by being in the backseat & let your boyfriend handle the itty bitty bits about that all. “speaking of, i need to get my nails done,” you sat on the kitchen counter, watching… or rather, gawking at your man chopping vegetables with such ease. “uh huh?” he looked rather indulged, the bun accentuated his features which would make van gogh bow.

he leaned in, gently placing himself between your legs and kissing your lips softly, hands freshly washed and scared to touch your supple skin. “i love you, angel,” itachi cooed, leaning his forehead against you. “i am so, so glad you depend on me you know that? because you don’t depend on anyone else & that’s what makes me strive so hard to be worthy of it,”

there he was, with his unadulterated words, piercing them deep inside your heart. your pupils shaked in sheer adoration, eyes glossing up. “m’ on my period dya wan’ me to fuckin’ cry?” you whined, leaning your head against his shoulder and hugging him.

he felt so warm, tenderly warm and caregiving that you often forgot that the world doesn’t know, or see this side of him. he’s ruthless to others, often labelled as cold. a twisted part of you likes it. you are exclusive to his love. you’d always be.

“alright now, i want you to eat, then how about,” itachi bit his lower lip, “we do some self care and i prepare us the cosiest haven for watching movies together,” you were introverted & your boyfriend reciprocates the same energy.

“deal!” you grinned, helping him prepare the rest of the ingredients.

little did you know that today was going to be even more special, it’s about time you were just his girlfriend. itachi has something rather too special to share with you tonight. 💍

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

Sorry this took me a while to update again, but I am pretty happy with how this one turned out. Without further ado, part 5!

Pairings: Jake Kiszka X Danny Wagner **slash

Warnings and tags: 18+ only!! Minors not for you! Adult content including: insecurity, some body image issues, going through difficult feelings, very light smut including: flirty touches, kissing and more kissing, dad Jake AU, uncle Danny AU

Word count: 6k

**Quick message after the cut

[A/n: I’d just like to preface this chapter by saying that men should always feel validated if struggling with self and body image issues. I do not believe or suggest that Jake should feel any sort of way about his beautiful, beautiful body. The feelings referred to in this chapter are that of basically an OC and their purpose is not to shame anyone but instead to focus on how difficult it can be to take care of yourself and be a parent. That being said, the remainder of this story will not focus on this insecurity. Quick shout out to Trust Me, Darling for all of the complicated emotions untangled there]

Jake tried to keep his focus at Wednesday afternoon’s practice, but when his roaming eyes flicked over to the bleachers and he saw a now familiar form sitting there, he couldn’t help but let a smile warm his face.

“Come on girls! One more time and then your parents should be here to pick you up!” Jake shouted at the youngins running across the field with their soccer balls. Some of them were more entertained by running with their friends, some preferred to kick the grass rather than the ball, but a few of the girls were actually starting to really get the hang of it. It felt good to watch them successfully get the ball from point A to the goal, even if they weren’t quite ready to advance to scoring and blocking yet.

He waited until everyone except Emma had been picked up, trying to ignore his bubbling excitement as Danny approached from behind.

“Are we walking you home today little miss Emma?” Jake asked, taking the whole ignoring Danny a step further.

“No, my uncle is here to get me” she replied matter-of-factly, making Jake chuckle as he finally turned to face him.

“I don’t know, I think maybe we should make sure you guys get home safe” Jake continued, gathering his backpack after shoving all the balls back into the sports bag.

“You still don’t trust me?” Danny asked, faking sounding hurt as he scooped the bag up from underneath Jake’s hand and tossed it over his shoulder, silently offering to carry it just like he had the first time they’d met. Only this time Jake willingly let him.

“Actually, I’m glad you don’t mind walking with us because I have a favor to ask you” Danny continued as they started off as a group down the neighborhood.

“A favor?” Jake raised his brows. Since when had they gotten on those terms? He didn’t know, and honestly didn’t care, but he was curious to see what Danny wanted from him.

“Friend of Rudy’s came by the shop yesterday. We got to talking and he told me he had this old acoustic he was looking at selling. Says it needs some TLC, but he cut me a good deal since I worked at the shop” Danny spoke, continuously keeping his eyes ahead on the carefree girls who walked in front of them, making their stroll slower than it needed to be but much appreciated nonetheless. “My sister told me you’re quite the guitar expert, was wondering if you wouldn’t mind helping me get it back in good condition?”

“Your sister flatters me” Jake replied, wondering once again how often he was the subject of their conversation. “What are we talking? Change of strings? Tuning? I can do small body repairs but to keep the integrity I might have to refer you to someone else for any major work”.

“I’ve got it at the house if you want to come take a look? Promised Emma I'd take her to a bookstore so yesterday we killed two birds with one stone. She got her books and I got my guitar”.

Jake scratched his chin and nodded his head “I suppose I can do that”. Danny didn’t know it yet, but in Jake terms agreeing to do a favor like this meant he would actually put his whole heart into the project. He wasn’t too busy at work for the time being, so besides practice he should have plenty of time to work on it for him.

“I wasn’t sure if I would see you today” Jake continued, looking down at his feet and kicking a pebble over to the kids who giggled and started kicking it down the sidewalk on their own.

“I know, I said I’d be patient, but I got excited when I picked up the guitar. Left work early today so I could offer to pick Emma up” Danny revealed, his own shy smile gracing his lips as he spared one look in Jake’s direction.

“You could have just called me. Who knows I might’ve been able to talk you out of buying it if it’s a piece of junk”.

Danny chuckled, making a mental note that Jake was basically giving him the green light to reach out to him whenever he wanted.

“Can I show Luna my new books?” Emma asked Jake once they reached their front porch.

“Sure, but Luna we’re not staying long. We still have to go home and eat dinner before bed time”.

“Ok Daddy!” The kids took off first down the hallway, disappearing into Emma’s room while Danny led Jake further.

“You okay?” Danny asked when he sensed Jake’s sudden trepidation.

“Yeah, I’ve just never been back this far before” he replied, quickening his pace to catch up. Jake had never had a reason to visit the guest bedroom before, but now here he was following Danny through the door.

For some reason he’d expected to see something different inside; posters across the wall, maybe a messy bed, something that fit the image of the rouge younger brother Danny put off. Instead it looked like any typical guest bedroom, plain walls, a muted blue duvet spread neatly across the queen size mattress that Jake couldn’t help but wonder how much room Danny’s form took up on it at night.

His eyes continued to scan across the room, settling on a small stack of books laying in a neat pile next to a crumpled up pack of cigarettes on top of the dresser to the right. Jake turned to ask Danny about his reading habits, but his words hung in his mouth when he saw Danny to the left. The closet door was open and he stood with his back to Jake as he peeled his shirt off and tossed it into the basket inside.

“Sorry!” He quickly turned back around, trying to hide the blush that crept across his face after just that one look. Danny was slim that you could easily tell, but shirtless you see just how brawny he really was, especially in his shoulders and arms.

“Sorry, didn’t have a chance to change after work, was dying to get out of that dirty shirt. Am I making you uncomfortable?” Danny asked, genuine concern in his voice like he hadn’t even considered the idea that Jake would get flustered if he quickly changed.

“No, I just-” Jake’s voice trailed off, too embarrassed to admit that he liked what he’d seen a little too much, but glanced over again anyways. He was relieved to see Danny had a new shirt on, albeit it was barely a shirt with the sleeves cut off and the arm holes torn open to the point it barely clung to his chest anymore.

“Is that it?” He pointed over to the black guitar shaped case he saw sitting in the corner of that side of the room, purposely changing the subject so he wouldn’t have to continue his train of thought.

“Umm, yeah” Danny moved to collect it off the floor and placed the case gently on the bed so he could open it up and give Jake a peek. “It’s nothing fancy, but I’m hoping with a little fixing up she’ll sing”.

“No, this is a nice model”. Jake picked up the instrument, feeling the familiar weight in his hands and examining the body. It was in good shape, few scratches on the back, but no cracks or warping. “Oh yeah, this will be easy”.

“Great! So how much will I owe you?”

Jake laid the guitar back into the case and secured the latches on the sides. “Don’t worry about it, but I do expect this to make us even” he turned to joking to mask how nervous he really was as he grabbed the handle and let the case come to rest down by his side.

“Oh, right, we’re good” Danny chuckled as he rubbed the back of his arm. Actually he’d much prefer to continue to have a way to persuade Jake to hang out, but since he’d seemed a lot more willing recently maybe he didn’t need much of a reason anynore. That was a comforting thought, hopefully it meant he was doing something right.

“When do you want it done by? I should have everything I need at home so I could probably have it ready by the weekend…” Jake trailed off, hoping Danny remembered their previous agreement to see each other this weekend.

“No rush, but this weekend sounds good. I cleared my calendar” Danny replied, dropping the hint that he only had one big plan, and that was spending as much time as Jake as he’d allow him.

“Ok, well I will see you then?” He started to excuse himself, but just before he could turn back towards the door Danny called out to him.

“Wait! One more thing”.

A steady hand came to rest on Jake’s waist, tugging him back as another hand cupped his jaw and pulled him into an unexpected kiss. It took a bit for Jake’s mind to catch up and compute what was happening, but moments later his lips were softening and he was allowing himself to kiss Danny back.

“Is this okay?” Danny questioned, not pulling away just yet but wanting to check in and make sure Jake didn’t want to punch him in the face right now.

“Yeah,” Jake’s breath came out hot against his lips, his tongue darting out to lick at them and bring Jake’s taste further into his mouth, “yeah this is okay”.

“Good” Danny’s lips pulled into a relieved smile next, “because I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time”.

Jake let his free hand that wasn’t still gripping onto the guitar case for dear life reach around to the back of Danny’s head and guided him down until they were connecting again, Jake sighing into the kiss this time. “Me too”.

When Jake got home he felt like he was in a daze the rest of the evening. Thankfully school and practice had tired Luna out quite a bit, so after dinner and some reading time she fell asleep right in Jake’s arms on the couch and he carried her off to bed.

Normally he’d be more than ready to lay down and relax until his own tiredness caught up to him and pulled him into sleep, but he fidgeted around in the bathroom for a while after his shower trying to keep his mind occupied with anything other than Danny.

With his nails trimmed, face cleanly shaven, a random gray hair he’d never noticed before plucked straight from the top of his scalp, and even some facial moisturizer on, he finally gave in and crawled into bed.

Of course the first thing on his mind was how it felt to kiss Danny for the first time. He’d been so nervous for no reason. It felt warm, and comforting, and his lips still tingled from the memory as he grazed his fingertips over their sensitive nerve endings.

It was good, nothing earth shattering but that was more than okay, because good meant he could feel again, and his feelings were coming crashing down onto him like a heavy weight settling onto his chest. Just as vivid as the kiss, he remembered that glance at Danny shirtless. Attraction was there, clearly after Monday night’s activity Jake couldn’t deny anymore that he was into Danny. Insecurity crept in between the cracks in his thoughts though, cracks that had formed over the years of being alone and growing older.

Jake had never been the overly confident type. He knew he was good looking of course, but he couldn’t help but pick out little things he could improve on and compared himself to others- especially when he practically had a carbon copy walking around that he grew more and more different from day by day.

The way his hair frizzed when he broke into a sweat, the slant in his septum he’d finally gotten fixed last year after years of being annoyed by it, the shuffle of his feet when he was tired and didn’t realize he wasn’t picking them up. They were all hardly significant things others didn’t seem to notice or care about, but Jake scolded himself anyways. And now, having seen Danny’s near perfect form, he found himself comparing again.

Would Danny have the same awestruck reaction when seeing him shirtless for the first time? Or would he be disappointed?

Jake forced the thoughts out of his head and turned onto his side, wrapping his arms around his heavy chest and squeezing his eyes shut. It was just his inner subconscious working against himself. He had to fight those feelings because he knew they were wrong and would only hold him back. He was done holding back. This was his chance to relearn to love again, and in being loved, return to loving himself once more.

“Bad news Jakey, all the flights are canceled. Well maybe not all, but ours for sure” Josh’s voice spoke over the cell phone speaker since both of Jake’s hands were a little busy with restringing Danny’s guitar when he called.

“Oh shit, what are you guys going to do?” Jake replied, trying to split his focus. “They can’t get you on another flight?”

“Yeah they can… tomorrow” Josh chuckled defeatedly. Jake could tell he was frustrated, but also what are you really supposed to do in situations like these. “It’s just a shame we already checked out of the resort. I wouldn’t mind staying in Palm Springs another night if we hadn’t”.

“Yeah, yeah, very romantic engagement getaway. We get it” Jake teased back, just trying to keep the mood light. “So you’re coming home tomorrow then?”

“Late tomorrow night. They told us we could show up to the airport and try to leave early but I don’t want to take anyone else’s chances away. We’re not in any hurry. I don't have to be back at work until Monday anyways”.

Jake hummed his understanding, eyebrows pinching at the center as he concentrated on pushing a particularly stubborn bridge pin out.

“Anyways, I was calling to see how my Lun-bug is doing? Is she excited for summer?”

“She’s excited, though I don’t think she realizes how boring it will be to stay home with dad almost every day for two months. She says she just wants to stay up late and sleep in”. It was easy for Jake to talk about his daughter to Josh, both of his brothers really were great uncles, but Josh did tend to go above and beyond to vie for her affection.

“Seems she’s got her priorities straight!” Josh wholeheartedly laughed. “Oh to be five with no cares in the world”.

“Umm, five and three quarters” Jake corrected him the same way Luna corrected everyone else, causing his brother to laugh again.

“Well, that’s the update. I know how badly you were dying to take us out to congratulate us, but unfortunately we will be late to the party” Josh sighed once the amusement wore off.

“I was not planning on taking you out” Jake scoffed, shaking his head at Josh’s presumptuous premise. “I’m busy this weekend” he let slip, knowing now Josh wouldn't actually be planning to hang up soon anymore.

“Busy?” Josh’s voice raised in pitch, obviously asking for more details.

“Danny and I are… hanging out”. It felt weird to phrase it that way, but neither of them had discussed any specific plans other than wanting to see each other, and now that Josh was going to be almost two days delayed in coming home he knew he couldn’t ask him to watch Luna. Not that he needed a babysitter, right?

Danny was exceptionally good with the kids, at least from all he’d seen, but it wouldn’t be much of a date with Luna tagging along. He certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable testing any waters while she was around just yet. Though she was familiar with Danny already, growing up all she ever knew was her Dad so to suddenly bring someone else into their life, Jake certainly wasn’t ready for that big a step.

“So this Danny guy has stuck around? You haven’t kicked him to the curb yet?”

“Don’t make it sound like I’m an asshole” Jake grumbled. Just because he hadn't been trying as hard to find someone as Josh thought he should’ve been, didn’t mean he hadn’t been trying at all.

“But you are kind of an asshole” Josh replied, waiting for the rebuttal that never came.

“Yeah, you’re kind of right” Jake set the guitar down on the table he’d been working at and rubbed his eyes with hard pressure in his fingertips until he saw colorful blotches dancing around. “I don’t want to fuck this up. I think I really like him”.

“Well then don’t” Josh offered his bit of advice, “fight for it Jake. Don’t let the rest of the world get in the way. You deserve this”.

Jake let his brother's words sink in, it was nothing he didn’t already know, but hearing it from his most trusted other half made it finally start to stick. He inhaled a grounding breath and reopened his eyes. “I’m happy for you Josh. You deserve it too”.

“Thanks Jakey” he replied softly, some slight strain in his voice now. “Okay, I’m gonna hang up now before I start getting emotional. Since when did we become such sappy sentimentals?”

“Speak for yourself” Jake huffed a strained laugh of his own, knowing full well Josh could sense his torrent of emotions stirring just under the surface. “I’ll let you go now, got to figure out what to cook for dinner soon”.

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later, and I want to meet your new friend soon! You can’t keep mystery guy all to yourself forever”.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that”. Jake picked up his phone and hit the red end call button before Josh could pester him any further.

He was right though, Danny was a bit of a mystery. Maybe that’s why he was becoming more drawn in each time he saw him. Introducing Danny to his brothers would have to come eventually, but for now he needed more time alone with this enigmatic man to figure out what it was about him that was breaking Jake out of his shell.

“Luna! What do you want for dinner?” Jake called as he made his way through the living room and into the kitchen. His brain was too preoccupied to put together a whole meal, so instead he let the toddler pick which meant they ended up eating grilled chicken, peas, and macaroni- could’ve been worse.

Both of their plates were cleared and Jake let Luna stand on a stool at the sink to help wash the dishes, glad she was still young enough to find dunking the pans and plates in soapy water entertaining as he scrubbed and dried.

After her bedtime story Jake got Luna settled down for the night and went back to work on the guitar for a bit longer before calling it and getting ready for bed himself. Tomorrow was Friday, which meant all he had to do was make it through one more day of work and the weekend would be here.

Friday turned out to be a terrible day. Everything that could possibly go wrong seemed to be hitting one right after another. First there were problems with tax forms which were annoying and tedious to fix, but needed to be done immediately. Then Jake had to step in and take over for the festival planning since that team in charge of that was terribly behind. They had quite a few artists at a local festival agree to donate a portion of their profits to the foundation, in exchange they were in charge of having a booth at the festival.

Jake hated festival planning. There were always so many working parts and extra people to manage, strict schedules to adhere to, and extra hours of work associated with all of that, so he usually handed them off to others. At the end of the day though, he was still responsible for ensuring everything involving the midwest branch was running smoothly, which is why he was a little bit peeved that they had waited until Friday to ask for his help.

“Alright, start sending out those memos. Attach the schedule and band list. Monday morning I expect a recap of response” Jake finished up with his final instruction as he packed his work laptop in his weekend bag. After hours of combing through everything with the team he was just about drained, but everyone seemed a lot more confident in what their role was in getting things back on track.

It was already a quarter after six when he loaded his things into the car and headed home. His phone rang, and he hit the answer call button from the screen on his dash just as he pulled up to a red light. “Hey! I am on my way now. Thank you so much for picking Luna up for me”. Jake answered the call, having text Emma’s parents asking if they could pick both the girls up from school since he had to stay late.

“No worries, I was actually calling to tell you Luna wanted to know if she could sleep over”. Emma’s mom replied.

Jake thought about it for a moment. Luna had never stayed anywhere overnight without him, but he knew she did well sleeping regardless of where they were so he wasn’t too worried about it.

“I really don’t mind. Those two keep themselves pretty entertained, and we ordered pizza when we got home so she’s already eaten” she continued, hoping to ease Jake’s mind.

“Okay, let me just run home and pack her a bag real quick and I’ll run it over?”

“Sounds good!”

As soon as he got home Jake dropped his laptop bag off on the kitchen table and headed into Launa’s room. He filled a backpack with pajamas, two changes of clothes just in case, her bear bear since he knew she wouldn’t go to bed without it, and grabbed an extra blanket from her stash just in case.

“Hi Daddy!” Luna exclaimed when he showed up to see her for a moment and make sure she still actually wanted to stay the night. “Want to come see our tent!”

“Tent?” Jake glanced over at Emma’s mom for clarification since the darkening clouds outside signaled it was going to rain soon. In fact there was a weather advisory out for flash floods this evening.

“It’s in Emma’s room” she chuckled, noticing his slight panic.

“Alright” he let Luna take his hand and drag him towards the room, rambling excitedly the whole way. “We had pizza for dinner but I gave Emma’s dad my ‘ronis cause I don’t like em”.

“Well I’m sure he appreciated that” he replied, centering his focus on her instead of letting his eyes wander further down the hallway.

In the middle of the room there was a princess tent large enough that the tiny toddler mattress from the bed fit perfectly inside. It was already packed with lots of stuffed animals, but Jake went ahead and unzipped Launa’s backpack to reveal her favorite.

“Bear bear!” She squealed, snatching it from his hands and crawling into the tent to place him perfectly in the middle.

Just like that Emma came running into her room and joined Luna in the tent, the two of them getting right back into playing whatever they had been before Jake arrived.

“See, I told you they’re fine” Emma’s mom backed out of the doorway so Jake could slip out. Before he could stop himself he glanced over to the room at the very end of the hallway, seeing the door closed. “Danny hasn’t been home yet today” she continued, cocking her eyebrow when Jake looked back at her pretending to be confused about why she was mentioning it. “I’ll tell him you stopped by” she offered as they made their way back towards the front of the house.

“Oh don’t worry about it. I have his number” Jake replied, suddenly feeling awkward about having looked for him. “Let me know if anything happens or if you need anything”.

“Go home, get some rest. I’ll take good care of her”.

Jake smiled and nodded, he believed her, Luna was in good hands. Now all that mattered was that he had the house entirely to himself for once in quite a while.

Once back at home, Jake heated up some leftovers but after just a few bites he decided he wasn’t hungry. He tidied up the kitchen since there was a little mess from this morning, taking the opportunity to thoroughly wipe down his coffee machine and organize all his mugs in the cabinet.

Afterwards he started a load of laundry, walking around the house and picking up stay articles of clothing Luna had left behind and tossing everything in the washer.

Only an hour had passed but the storm clouds outside made it look like night had already arrived. He debated getting his laptop out and checking emails, but after the day he’d had at work literally anything else sounded more appealing than that. He could have gone to bed early, gotten caught up on some much needed sleep, but a nagging feeling kept him from relaxing.

Eventually he ended up just sitting at the table in his office, staring at his phone laying there silent, not a single text or notification, debating if he should make this call or not. Deciding he was being ridiculous, he picked up the phone and found the contact, bringing the speaker to his ear as it rang a few times.

“Jake?” Danny finally answered, surprised to see his name come up across the screen.

“Are you busy?” Jake asked, trying to sound nonchalant when he knew Danny wasn’t just at home.

“No, just had to get out of there for a while” he answered, his voice trailing off as if there was something the matter.

Jake wanted to press it, but he bit back his worry and instead got to the reason why he’d called. “Your sister is watching the girls tonight. Did you…” Jake was fidgeting, shifting his weight in his chair uncomfortably, “did you want to come over?”

Danny’s voice softened at the offer, a slight taunt building behind his words, “you want me to come over?”

He was excited, but his question in return was also giving Jake the opportunity to truly consider what he was proposing. He was home alone, and he was inviting Danny, he had to know what that meant right? Danny hoped so, because he already knew he wouldn’t be able to behave.

“I mean, if you want to then yeah”.

“Okay, I’m on my way right now”.

Wherever Danny had gone off to, it must not have been far because within 10 minutes he was texting Jake back.

Come outside

8:12PM

Jake grabbed a light jacket since a strong breeze was starting to blow through bringing the storm nearer, and made his way to the front door. He stopped for a split second to peer out of the tall narrow windows on either side of the mahogany to see Danny in his driveway leaning against his motorcycle. He was in his usual faded black jeans and his pair of worn in chucks, but instead of just a t-shirt he wore a black hoodie and his mess of curls were hidden underneath a snapback hat turned backwards on his head. He looked soft, like Jake could just run into his embrace and everything else around them would melt away.

“I see you got this thing running” Jake kept himself pulled together as he closed the front door and hit the lock button. For a brief second he looked around the neighborhood, no one was outside. He was being anxious for no reason.

“You sure you don’t want a ride?” Danny asked, pushing off to grab Jake by the waist and plant a swift kiss to his cheek before letting him go again. “It clears the mind”.

“Maybe just this once?”

Though he actually agreed, Jake hesitated as he tried to figure out how this was going to work. A wide smile spread across Danny’s face, like he secretly knew Jake was more enthralled with the motorcycle than he let on, then grabbed the handles and swung his leg around. He started the bike up again, its newly refurbished engine purring to life as he twisted at the waist to pat the tiny spot on the seat behind him. “Where to?”

“Anywhere” Jake replied, stretching onto the tip of his toes in his boots to grab onto Danny’s shoulders and climb onto the back. “Just get me out of here”.

They took off slowly down the street, picking up speed gradually but never going too fast. Jake moved his hands from Danny’s shoulders to his waist, trying to figure out where to grip so that he felt secure until one of Danny’s hands came around and tugged on his arm, making Jake slide closer against his back. He wrapped his arms around Danny’s midsection, feeling the warmth from his body across his chest and the heat emanating from the engine down his calves.

Just as they made it a few blocks over, the rain started. First in a tiny sprinkling Jake could barely feel prickling against his cheeks, then it came down in a steady drizzle, dampening his hair that whipped wildly behind him.

Jake wrapped his hands around his forearms that still encircled Danny, closed his eyes, and leaned back so that he could feel the wind and the rain on his face.

Before long they were slowing down again and Jake lifted his head, reopening his eyes to look through the blur of rain that had collected on his lashes seeing that they were crossing the old highway at the fringe of the suburb. Once they made it across, Danny pulled into a small dilapidated lot where cars used to pull over for a break from driving and used the muscle in his leg to put the kickstand in place.

He waited for Jake to dismount first, who stood there as the rain really started to pour, confused about why they’d stopped here of all places. “We’re almost there, just up that hill”.

Danny turned the bike off and stuffed the key in his front pocket before he grabbed Jake’s hand and took off up the narrow concrete path that led to an overgrown rest stop, complete with a covered stone picnic table. Under the oning and out of the rain, Danny stepped onto the bench and took a seat on the crumbling table, looking out over the empty highway and the soaked landscape.

Jake joined him on the table, quietly listening to the thunder rumbling in the distance and the sound of rushing water as the rain ran off the top of the shelter and started to pool on the ground in front of them.

“Our parents used to take my sister and I up here for lunch in the summer” Danny began, his eyes distant as if he were seeing through the wet and the dark and into the past where it was still warm and sunny. “They live right up that highway, just about two miles. So close, but I haven’t even been to see them since moving over here”.

“Why not?” Jake asked, turning his attention away from the downpour and to the man next to him who sat as still and rigid as the concrete structure beneath them. He looked like a statue that belonged in an art exhibition the way he had his elbows propped up on his knees and he slouched over deep in thought.

Something seemed different about Danny today. He wasn’t this spirited young rebel Jake had grown accustomed to, but instead he was darkened, troubled. Jake only found this new side of Danny intriguing though, a deeper layer he was exposing of himself. Jake felt like this was a part of Danny he could relate to, and it made his blooming affection towards him only grow exponentially.

Danny sighed and sat up for a moment to pull his hat off and shake off the droplets that clung to the fabric before raking his fingers through his curls and slipping the hat back in place. “Don’t know, guess I’m scared to”.

Jake bit his lip, not having the knowledge of what their relationship was, but still able to sympathize with him nonetheless. He felt the same way about his in-laws most of the time. He knew it was absurd, but his mind had made up this delusion that they thought he wasn’t good enough. That he’d never been good enough for their daughter, for the job they’d given him, and as a Dad to Luna. It was a hard feeling to live with.

“It’s just I’ve spent the last six years trying to run from them, from the perfect person they want me to be. My sister, she gets it, she’s everything they always envisioned for her. College, good job, married to a man who supports their family, she’s always so put together and perfect… I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t force myself to conform to those standards, so after only a year of college I took off and I haven’t been back since. At least not until now”.

Danny poured his overflowing emotions out, just like the seemingly never ending rain surrounding them, and Jake sat and listened.

“I did a lot of stupid things. Got into some sketchy shit. Got some tattoos, piercings, whatever. I dress the way I want now and I’m happy with how I turned out, but I don’t know if they will accept this me”.

For a moment they sat there without speaking again until Jake figured out what he wanted to say. He reached his hand over and closed his palm around one of Danny’s, the simplest of touches but one that Danny had given him before.

“There is nothing about you they shouldn’t love. Even so, if you’re happy then I’m sure they will eventually come to understand. You should find the time to go see them, I bet they miss you”.

Danny cracked a small heartless half smile, but he turned his hand over in Jake’s grasp and threaded their fingers together. It felt good to get that off his chest, the life slowly returning to his eyes as he looked over and met Jake’s captivating gaze.

His hair was sopping wet, and it clung to his neck in chocolatey tendrils. With his free hand, Danny reached over and ran his fingers through his strands, amazed at the way they slid through without any tangles. Jake closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, allowing Danny comb through his hair over and over again, each time feeling the way his fingers brushed against his scalp.

Unable to take it any longer, Danny leaned in and captured Jake’s cold lips with his own. Jake sucked in a breath, but soon he eagerly returned the kiss, loosening his jaw and slotting their mouths together as it quickly deepened. He squeezed Danny’s hand in his own, trying to ask for more, but instead Danny slightly pulled away.

“It’s a good thing it’s raining so hard, otherwise I’d think you could hear how hard my heart is pounding right now”.

Jake’s eyes widened at the confession, his own pulse starting to quicken when Danny brought his hand up and pressed Jake’s palm firmly against his chest. “Here. Feel it?”

It would’ve been nearly impossible to feel the thumping of the muscle through the thick fabric of his hoodie, except Jake was so tuned into him that he did actually believe he felt it. A soft thump thump thump against his rib cage beating in time to the tempo of the rain droplets above them.

“Danny” Jake mumbled, barely registering his small hmm? in response. “Kiss me again”.

Danny didn’t need to be asked twice, he quickly closed the gap between them once more, reaching around Jake’s smaller form and pressing his hand against the small of his back to get him even closer. A shiver broke through, running up Jake’s spine and he felt his limbs going numb.

“Are you cold?” Danny asked without removing his lips from Jake’s. He didn’t get a reply though, only a stubborn press of his mouth harder against him. “Want to go back? To your place?”

Jake finally relented, the idea of getting him somewhere dry, and not wide out in the open, more appealing than continuing their make out session here.

“Please?” He replied, unintentionally giving puppy dog eyes so wide that Danny smiled for real this time and gave him one last peck before they ran back out into the rain together.

Tags: @sanguinebats @kultavalo @lipstickitty @gracev0609 @lyndz2names

[writefightandflightclub]

Just right (Marc Spector x fem!reader)

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort

Summary: Marc joined the Marines thinking he might finally belong somewhere. Turned out, he belonged next to you.

Author’s note: I wanted to do a bit of exploration of younger Marc, years prior to the show. And here it is! (Second attempt at posting, after my mobile version yesterday was full of bugs and kept deleting sections, ach!)

Warnings: strong themes of rejection and loneliness. Some negative self-talk about being “different”. Some ableism from fellow soldiers. Canon typical mentions of blackouts / memory lapses / time loss. Mentions of violence, blood, death, injury. Allusions to childhood abuse but not explicit. Allusions to brother’s death and self-blame. Allusions to suicidal ideation and self-harm (vague, brief). Mentions of smut but fade to black. Lmk if I missed anything.

GIF by clonecaptains

Marc had never quite felt like he fit in. Had always felt a little different. He hadn’t fit in at school. Hadn’t fit in with his faith community, nor with the other people in his neighbourhood. Not even with his own family, in the end.

Marc blamed himself, of course. When people were distant. Even when they were cruel. Thought that he was the one who was “off”. That it made sense that people would shy away from him. Treat him badly.

After all, look at what he’d done. The worst of deeds.

He’d tried to escape. To move on from all of that, in a way. Maybe a small part of him had hoped things could be different when he left home. For the most part though, joining the army had simply seemed like the logical next step. Where else was there for people like him? For killers? He’d honestly believed that he would finally find his place.

And yet... even here. Even amongst a regiment of people trained to be the same, act the same, walk the same, dress the same… Marc still stood out. Marc still didn’t feel like he fit in.

It was beyond him to understand what he was doing so wrong. He tried. He really did. Tried to the point of exhaustion.

In many ways it worked for him. Held him. The predictable routine. The clear rules. The order. In other ways, he knew that even in a mess hall filled with people trained to be the same, he was still… different. The worst thing was, the others saw it too. Unlike his mother, they didn’t even know what he’d done, and yet… they were still distant. They were still cruel.

He’d started to wish that he could just leave all of this behind. That he could simply be an army of one. Thought that he would be better off that way. But the truth was, Marc had never really known how to be alone - even if everyone else in his life had seemed to leave him behind, one way or another.

Marc didn’t want to stand out. He didn’t. In fact, he craved the opposite, these days. All he wanted now was to disappear.

That’s exactly what Marc was thinking about as he sat there in the emptied med bay, his knuckles singing with pain.

After it had happened again. After he'd blacked out.

He'd blacked out in the field. During a mission. Had taken a life with his own bare hands.

He didn’t remember how. Only knew that when he had zoned back in there had been blood. That his hands were red and his knuckles were singing with pain, like this. He only knew that there was a dead man on the floor - and that it wasn’t him. He'd felt sick for being thankful. Then, he'd felt even more sick for feeling disappointed.

Marc hadn’t been the only soldier to kill today; but he’d been the only one to do it like that. Messy. Close up.

Some of the squad had praised him afterward. But only the soldiers -Marc had noted- with that rabid, reckless, soulless glint in their eyes. With wolfish smiles on their mouths. The ones that took up too much space. Took everything too far. The killers. The army would always contain some people like that, Marc thought. People like him. And yet, no matter how hard Marc stared into the mirror, his eyes never looked quite the same way as theirs did, even if his whole life he’d been told he was the same. That all he could do was harm.

Shouldn’t he be good at this? Isn’t this his nature? To end things? He had some talent for it.

Why then, did he wretch and vomit when his first shot had bedded itself in human flesh? Why did he cry after in his bunk, writhing his legs under the blanket for hours and tensing all his muscles until they hurt?

Some of the other soldiers had reacted differently. Some withdrew from him. They had killed today too, some of them. Clean, distant shots, so they could pretend like they hadn't. Marc couldn't pretend that, covered in red and dust. In the helo, he could feel their eyes on him - burning uncomfortably. He could hear the whispers. Even here, amongst men who killed and amongst killers, Marc was considered strange.

He didn’t fit in.

He didn’t fit.

He never fit.

He never seemed to get things right.

He clenched his fists even tighter, until his nails dug bloody crescent moons into his palms. It hurt, but he didn’t notice that it hurt. He was too used to the hurt.

Even here, then.

Even as part of a squad, Marc was lonely. Lonely like he had been for so long.

But then, there was you.

You were the only friend he had out here. One of the only true friends he’d ever had, actually. At least, he thought you were friends. Hoped you were friends. Around you, apparently, Marc could manage to say the right thing. Do the right thing.

Maybe you didn’t think he was so different - or maybe you did, but you liked him anyway. Maybe you simply tolerated him. Maybe you simply pitied him. But Marc didn’t care about that, in truth, because at least you weren’t distant, and at least you weren’t cruel, and he never had been very good at being alone.

You were a good thing. One of the few good things out here.

In a world where everything always seemed too much for Marc, or too little. Too loud, too quiet. Too bright. Too intense. In a world where everything was off, you were just right.

And still, he felt like he was all kinds of wrong.

You though? You never made him feel that way.

You made him feel like he fit.

For the first time in a long time, like he belonged.

***

You looked for him after. After it all turned red and loud, the sound of explosions ringing in your ears. The vibrations of the ground shaking through your body. The adrenaline buzzing under your skin.

You had heard the whispers. You saw the wary glances, as Marc sat coated in blood while the rest of the squad loaded themselves up into the helo. Saw him looking down at his hands, sweat gathering in beads on his forehead.

They saw what he did.

They saw how he did it.

Marc unnerved them. He was unpredictable. He didn’t always comply with convention. Didn’t always behave in ways people might've expected him to.

At first, he’d flown under the radar. Kept his head down. Done the work. At first, he’d simply been interpreted as stoic. Strong, silent, all that. A lone wolf. Guys like him -brooding good looks - could pull that whole thing off without much trouble.

At first.

But, there was more to him than that. Much more. And he couldn’t keep all of it hidden. Not for long.

Sometimes, Marc would go AWOL.

Sometimes, he would speak in different accents.

Sometimes, he would clamp his hands over his ears and yell like he was hurt, even when nothing visibly ailed him.

And sometimes? Sometimes, Marc did things which he didn’t remember doing afterward.

Always, you knew that he was afraid.

You knew that, because he was your friend. One of your only friends out here.

You’d always known there was more to him than what he let you see at first. The things he couldn’t hide from you. The things he could. Regardless; after, you had looked for him.

“Hey. Goldilocks,” your squad-mate Reaper had probed cruelly in the helo, a twisted, joyless grin on his face. He had jutted his chin towards Marc’s red, spoiled arms. “What the fuck did you do?”

Marc hadn’t answered him. Hadn’t done anything which could be interpreted externally, in fact, save for drawing his thick brows down over his fearful brown eyes.

Your stomach had twisted with discomfort, at his discomfort. He pushed everything down so far, you thought his insides must be made of diamonds.

“Why do you call him Goldilocks?” you’d asked Reaper one time.

“Because he’s a picky little Princess. Too good for this place, he reckons. Nothing is ever quite right for his highness.”

In the helo, you had batted Reaper in his tac vest with your fist. “Knock it off,” you had warned through your teeth. Tempers were running hot, but you were so done with his shit.

“Don't worry about it. He’s a lost cause, Cinders. With his record he’ll be shipping out of here within the month. Before he gets himself killed. Or worse. Before he gets someone else killed.”

You had watched Marc twist in on himself even further then at the insinuation, his body hunching protectively, hands drawing up to cradle his face. His brown eyes had swum with emotion, his reddened fingers tapping rapidly against his temples as he tried to shut this asshole out.

You felt a surge of protectiveness. You couldn't stop it. “You know what? Go fuck yourself, Reaper. Christ - somebody’s got to.”

After, back on the ship, you had looked for him. Looked for Marc.

You found him, eventually, sitting inside the otherwise vacant med bay. He was staring down at his now clean hands, still clenching them into fists.

You had coughed lightly to announce yourself, and gestured down to the space next to him on the bench. “Can I sit?”

He had nodded, and instinctively you’d kept your movements soft and slow. Your voice low. “What are you still doing down here?”

Marc took a while to answer, his brows knitted together so tightly it looked painful. “It’s quiet.”

The metal can of a room was stuffy. Windowless. Below deck. Just above the engine rooms. But sure - save for the constant background whirr, you guessed it was quiet.

You looked over Marc with concern, searching for anything you could do for him. Your eyes skimmed over the butterfly strips criss-crossing on his cut cheek. Over one split knuckle. His visible wounds had been treated, but there were deeper wounds left - you could tell.

And so, with a gentle exhale, you wordlessly gathered up a cloth from the supply shelf. You crossed the space, wetting it in the metal basin which hunkered in the corner of the room.

“Here,” you said softly, gingerly reaching to press it to Marc’s forehead, trying to soothe him. To smooth out some of the tension. “Does that feel nice? Not too hot? Too cold?”

His eyes closed, and he leaned his head back against the wall. “It feels just right.” A deep exhale had raised his chest. His voice had remained small. “Thank you.”

Good, you think. Good.

Next, you noted his clenched fists, and, thinking on your feet, you fished a small, round object from the pocket of your cargo pants. “Here. Hold this for me would you?”

Marc obliged without thinking. Just like you'd hoped he would. His fingers were rough and warm, grazing you as you passed it over to him, the weight of a smooth stone settling in his palm.

Unconsciously, Marc began to smooth his thumb over the surface of it. Began to roll it around in his fingers. Between his hands.

“Good,” you said out loud, as he released another deep exhale. This time, his eyes opened. Those big, wet, puppy-dog eyes. His thoughts had crept in. He seemed to grow self-conscious. “It’s okay,” you encouraged him. “Don’t stop.”

Marc continued to move the stone from palm-to-palm, his fingers exploring every ridge and texture of it. And meanwhile, you simply sat there beside him. You didn’t say a thing. You didn’t ask anything of him at all.

Eventually, you leaned back on the bench too, your head coming to rest on the cool metal wall, your eyes closing.

Eventually, his deep, Chicagoan voice bled through the hush. “What is this?”

You explained without looking. “I found it next to my boot last week during the raid. Thought it was a gem when the sun hit it. Turns out it’s a regular damn rock, but it’s still pretty anyway, right? Nice weight to it.”

You’d noted the way smooth objects found their way into Marc's palms. How they seemed to calm him. You’d picked it up for him. To give to him.

You’d never tell him that.

“What are you doing here?” Marc asked next, his voice strained all of a sudden, like you’d already gone to far too much trouble on his behalf. You felt his voice was angled towards you though, closer, and so you opened your eyes to meet his gaze with yours, dancing it over him. His wet cloth was now set aside, but his brown skin still sheened with delicate beads of moisture beneath the line of his buzz cut.

Your lips tipped into a vague smile. “What do you mean? In this room? On this ship? In the army?”

Marc shook his head almost imperceptibly - no. "Next to me.”

You didn’t say anything for a moment. Couldn't - completely lost in the soulfulness of his deep, beautiful, apologetic eyes.

He looked down at his hands again, as though they still had blood on them - even though they were clean. “I don’t scare you?”

“No,” you answered without thinking. Answered with your gut.

“Maybe I should.”

“Do you want to scare me?”

He shook his head. Parted his lips just enough to suggest the shape of the word. The outline of it. No.

You had noted the angry half-moons carved into his palm.

“Are you in pain?”

“No,” Marc answered without thinking. But you didn’t think that was really true.

“Discomfort, then?” His glossed eyes flicked towards you, as though no-one ever thought to ask him that. As if he didn’t know how to answer. “Because you don’t have to tolerate that, you know.? Marc’s eyebrows leapt up, as though he was genuinely surprised that tolerating discomfort wasn’t expected. As if it didn’t have to be a way of life. As though no-one had ever told him that before. Like no-one had cared enough to let him know.

“Why do they call you Cinders?” Marc asked next, his brows knitting again. You shifted, following readily with his tangent.

You hummed softly. “Well. Funny story,” you recounted with a lopsided smile. “I fucked up in ordnance training. Shot a barrel. Burned down a building. So now I’m Cinders, because while I may look like a princess, watch out! I’ll damn sure burn everything to a crisp, whether I was s'posed to or not.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

There was a beat. “At least they don’t call you Goldilocks.”

It hurt him, you realised. And you hated those self-inflated bullies just a little more than you thought might be possible in that moment. Hated them for hurting him. Anyway. You attempted to lighten things. “I dunno, Marc. Needing things a certain way? There are worse things,” you said in earnest. “I mean. Imagine being called Reaper. Your defining characteristic could be that you’re a killer and an asshole, huh?”

Marc blinked at you then, that pebble still turning over and over in his palm. Not for the first time, he looked genuinely surprised by your remark. “It… isn’t?”

Your stomach twisted into a tight knot. “No, Marc. No.”

He looked briefly hopeful. Then he looked immediately afraid. “What is my defining characteristic?” He batted his eyelashes at you, with zero awareness of what he was doing to you, of course. You had to fight the urge to answer “being pretty”.

“Well,” you began, unexpected nerves hampering your voice. “It’s hard to pick just one thing. But if I had to? You’re kind.”

Marc squeezed the pebble into his closed fist then, his jaw clenching. A lump bobbing in his throat. A smattering of jewels beading in his long lashes as he wrestled with whatever emotion you had just instilled in him.

You opted to go out on a limb then, your heartbeat hammering. Needed him to know. “You know. I always liked you, Marc.”

He turned his face away from you. Maybe fumbled away a tear, you couldn’t tell. “It doesn’t matter,” he said solemnly. With an air of resignation, and a crack in his voice, which quickly became a crevasse. “Sooner or later, you won’t.”

It broke your heart that he truly sounded like he believed that. That caring for him could only ever be short-lived. “Well," you had protested weakly, not knowing exactly how much difference it would even make. "It matters to me.” You reached out to him, gingerly, unsure, settling your hand over his balled fist. Your breath hitched. “I-Is this okay? Not too much?”

He looked down at his hands now. He looked at them as though he’d forgotten there was ever blood on them. His voice sounded a little hoarse. A little choked-up. “No. No, it’s…” He fumbled his words, settling a warm palm right on top of yours in return. Slowly, ever so slowly, he succumbed to the first smile you’d seen on him in a long while. “It’s… just right.”

Your chest constricted, in a happy way.

Good, you thought. Good.

“Uh. Listen,” Marc ventured. “You know I’m likely outta here. As soon as we dock they’re gonna wanna talk to me. They’ll have questions.”

You swallowed. “Did it happen again? Y-you don’t remember?”

He nodded efficiently, apologetically, his mouth turning down at the corners. He’d been yanked out for questioning before. For "evaluations". You were never sure whether he would come back. Your chest tightened again - this time at the notion of him being gone.

“For what it’s worth,” Marc offered next, looking up at you with gentle eyes. A self-deprecating look about him, like he really didn't think it would be worth much. “I, uh. I always liked you too, you know.”

Your breath stalled in your chest at his words. You didn’t want to ask the question. Not really. But, at the same time, you had felt compelled to ask. “Do you like me, Marc? Really? Or… Or am I just the first person to show you kindness for a while?” You didn't want that to be his baseline. He deserved so much more than that.

He squeezed your hand just a little tighter in his grip. You noticed that your bodies had gradually moved closer together, huddled in place. “Can’t it just be both?”

You chewed on your lower lip, thinking things through. Tossing a thought back and forth. “Listen. Do you maybe… Uh. Do you wanna copulate? With me, I mean?” Marc’s eyes almost bugged out of his head. You backpedalled a little. “I’m sorry to be so forward. You’re just… you don’t seem good with hints. Been giving you plenty these past few weeks and... nada. I really can’t get a read on you that way. so I thought... I just thought I'd say it out loud. Because I... I'd like it. If you wanted.”

His brows had drawn down again, and your heart was in your mouth. You wondered whether you’d said the wrong thing. But you wanted him - you had for a while - and you didn’t even know whether, this time, he would come back. If you would ever see him again if he didn't.

Besides, you thought about how much you would love to offer him a little comfort, if he would like that too.

Marc pursed his full lips together, his response wholly unexpected. “Why?”

Your face crumpled in confusion. “Come onnn, man. Do I honestly need to explain myself? Because… it would feel good? Because another of your defining characteristics is that you’re hot as hell, pretty boy?”

“No,” he shook his head. There was that crack in his voice again; widening. “No. I mean. Why? When I’m… I’m so goddamn broken.”

Emotions twisted in the pit of you then, and you reached out for him. Slowly, gingerly, carefully, you cupped his face in your sure palm. “No, Marc. You’re not broken. You just... You need a little help, maybe. Yeah?” He looked into your eyes then, deeper than he ever had before. Maybe deeper than he had ever dared to, and the embarrassment - following your rather brazen proposition - had begun to surge in. Your hands turned clammy in his grip. “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. That’s probably the last thing on your mind right now. Forget about it.”

For a moment longer, Marc didn’t say a word; but still, his gaze never dropped from your face. For a moment, he looked like he was thinking. Passing a thought -or a possibility- back and forth, like that stone between his palms. Then, slowly, ever so slowly, his mouth had dipped towards yours, slanting against your own with the softest, most tender brush of his lips.

It was not too little, nor too much. In fact, it was just right. It was a kiss that stole the air from your lungs. That made your fingertips tingle. Made your stomach lurch pleasantly. His lips were warm, even in this cold metal room.

“I think that… I think I’d like to do that," he said finally, his lips flushed from kissing you. A nervous gulp had sunk down his corded neck. “With you.”

You had smiled with only your eyes, and had grasped his hand in yours. You had led him to your bunk, where you had tangled your bodies together, your limbs and breaths entwined. You had tried, so desperately - with your lips, your hands, your voice, your enclosing heat - to bed comfort down so deep beneath Marc’s skin that he would never have to feel discomfort again.

Still. Nothing good ever lasts that long.

In the morning, when your ship had docked, they hadn't let him stay. Marc was gone, before you even stirred. Before you woke to find the smooth pebble placed ever so deliberately, delicately in the cushion of your cupped palm. When you realised he was gone, your fingers had tightened around it instinctively, until they had ached. Until you dug angry crescents into your palm.

The rock reminded you of him. It had a hard, unassuming exterior. But it was still a beautiful thing, for those who cared to notice. A treasure in the right hands, you'd thought.

You wondered if Marc would ever be back. You didn’t know whether he would. But you were sure that nothing would be quite right without him. He was a little different, sure. But with him, somehow, you’d always felt like you fit. Next to him, you always felt like you belonged.

Besides. You never had been very good at being alone.

[livythewriter]

Self Care (Elsbeth x Fem!Reader)

Word count: 1599

Warnings: Depression, hurt/comfort, slightly angsty, disordered eating, the Reader and Elsbeth are watching a horror movie so brief mentions of violence and murder, brief mentions of alcohol.

Summary: Reader hasn't been taking very good care of herself lately, and Elsbeth wants to help out.

I didn’t realize until around 6:30pm that I hadn’t eaten all day. It wasn’t even intentional, I had just forgotten. And this wasn’t the first day I had forgotten to eat either, yesterday the first meal of my day was the ice cream cone that Elsbeth had brought home from work.

This wasn’t the only thing troubling me, either. Lately, even brushing my teeth every day was a chore.

Of course, I tried to hide this from Elsbeth, as it seemed like I had so many problems all the time, and I felt like I was just weighing her down with them.

And of course, today of all days, when I hadn’t eaten all day, was a day that Elsbeth just wouldn’t stop talking to me. It didn’t annoy me, I just worried that she would get worried about me.

As usual, she came up to me with a huge grin on her face, the one that made my heart melt.

“Hey there, I was just wondering if you wanted to go watch a movie with me! I have the perfect one picked out, it’s a horror movie.” She offered.

“Oh, sure.” And like that, the thought of food completely slipped out of my mind.

We went into my room and put on the movie. I leaned my head against Elsbeth’s shoulder, sighing in contentment.

Elsbeth looked over at me and chuckled, “You like this movie?”

“So far it’s interesting.” I shrugged.

“Just wait, it gets really good!”

We watched the movie in silence for a bit, before a scare happened and I jumped, my head bumping Elsbeth’s shoulder on accident, “Sorry about that…” I said sheepishly.

Elsbeth chuckled, “Aww, that’s alright. Yeah this movie is pretty scary, or at least the scares are loud…”

“Yeah.”

“I still can’t believe she didn’t look in the basement!” She groaned, shaking her head.

“If I were hearing creepy moaning noises coming from the basement, I probably wouldn’t go look! Could be some scary ghost or something.”

“Orrrr it could be the people the farmer trapped in there calling out for help, and you just ignored them cause you have no heart!” Elsbeth teased.

“How am I supposed to know the farmer uses people to make the meat he sells? He seemed like such a pious dude!”

“Well, one thing I’ve learned from defending many guilty people, is that when someone tries to act all holier than thou, they likely have something they’re hiding.” She explained, “And why would your mind even go to ghosts that quickly, anyway? Even I don’t watch that many horror movies!” 

“I dunnoooo, why are you attacking me, Elsbeth?” I pouted.

“Awww, I’m sorry. Do you want an apology hug?” She asked. I nodded eagerly and she wrapped her arms around me tight, pulling me in close.

“You’re so warm…” I mumbled.

“Well, humans are warm blooded animals!”

I giggled, “That is true…” She pulled back, but kept one arm wrapped around my shoulder.

“What do you think you’d do in that situation?” She asked when the farmer was playing hide and seek with the protagonist.

“Uhhh, probably beat the farmer’s ass and stab him with his own rake.” I gloated.

Elsbeth laughed, “Okay, but what would you really do?”

“Man, I dunno, probably cry too loud and get killed immediately!”

“Awww, but joking aside I think you would do great! You’re really brave and stronger than you think, y’know?”

“You’re just saying that.” I rolled my eyes.

“Of course I’m not just saying that!” She nudged me playfully, “I mean it, you’re way too hard on yourself.”

“Well…” I looked down, my cheeks slightly pink, “I’m glad someone believes in me.” I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

“You’re so silly.” Elsbeth reached over and poked my cheek. I giggled once more, slapping her hand away.

Finally the movie was over, and I got up, stretching, “Man, that was a good movie.” But while I was stretching, I noticed that I felt slightly weak and shaky, and remembered that I still needed to eat. I groaned, annoyed at my own forgetfulness. It had to be what, 8pm now?

Elsbeth shot me a concerned look, “You okay?”

“Yeah… I just, ugh I’m really hungry.” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“When did you last eat?”

“Uhhh, 3pm.” I cringed at my own voice shaking, making it obvious I was lying.

Elsbeth sighed, “Are you sure about that?”

I groaned, “I really can’t get anything past you, can I?”

Elsbeth shook her head, “Nope. Now when did you really last eat?”

“Last night.”

She rushed over to me, “Oh no, is everything okay?” She put her hands on my shoulders as she looked me up and down, a look of deep concern on her face.

“Yeah, I just… forgot.”

“That’s not good… Do you want me to make something for you? And other than that, have you been feeling okay lately?” Her voice lowered on that last sentence.

“No.” I sighed, “I’ve uh… been feeling kind of depressed.”

“Oh dear, I wish you had told me. I would have been perfectly okay with helping in any way I can.” Her hands rubbed up and down my arms.

“I didn’t want to burden you, I already have so many problems all the time, and I didn’t want to weigh you down.”

“Nonsense, honey… you wouldn’t have been weighing me down, I’m perfectly happy to help. Come here…” She engulfed me in a hug. I squeezed my eyes shut, the hunger and mixed emotions too painful for me. Elsbeth noticed me shaking, and rubbed up and down my back, “You don’t have to do this alone… Please let me help you.”

“You would really do that?” My voice cracked as I spoke, revealing my vulnerability in that moment.

“I would do that and more.” She said with a confidence in her voice that soothed me deeply.

“Alright…”

She pulled back, “First of all, let me make you something to eat. What do you have?” She asked.

“Uhh, honestly not much. But there are supplies to make my favorite meal, if that’s alright.” I rubbed the back of my neck, a little embarrassed to be asking.

“Of course it is. No need to ask, I’ll make it pronto.” She patted my shoulders and quickly rushed to the kitchen, gathering the supplies needed to make my favorite meal. I sat down at the dining table, feeling a little guilty that I made her do this for me. She must have sensed this, and looked over, a reassuring smile on her face, “And don’t feel guilty about this, okay? I’m choosing to make this for you, because I like making you happy. It’s no sweat off my back!”

I smiled gratefully at her, “Thank you.”

“Of course, honey. Just relax and look forward to the meal.” She continued making the food, and eventually served it up to me. I started scarfing it down, not realizing just how hungry I was until I tasted the food. Elsbeth smiled at me warmly, “I love seeing you happy. I wanna make you this happy all the time.”

“What did I do to deserve someone as amazing as you?” I wondered aloud.

“You were you.” She poked my shoulder playfully, “And you are perfect.”

“Nobody’s perfect.” I smiled, rolling my eyes.

“I guess you’re nobody then.” She winked at me.

“Wow, I never thought being called a nobody could be so romantic.” I said.

“Yeah, now that I think about it that did come out a little wrong…”

“Nah, it came out perfect. Just like you.”

“Really? I thought ‘nobody’s perfect’.” Elsbeth repeated my words back to me.

“Well, I guess you’re also nobody, which makes us perfect for each other.” I said.

“Wow, that was smooth.”

“Thanks, but yours was better.”

“Now…” I had finished my food, and looked up at her waiting for her to continue, “Have you brushed your teeth today?”

“Uhhh, yeah.”

“Hmm, I don’t think you did.” She said confidently.

“Fine, I didn’t. You know me so well.” I groaned.

“Why don’t we go do that, then?” She held out her hand, and I took it, following her to the bathroom.

I grabbed the toothbrush, and brushed my teeth.

“You know what I think would help? A bubble bath. With wine, and candles.” Elsbeth offered.

“Hmmm I suppose.”

Elsbeth drew a bath for me, and set everything up. I undressed and got into the tub, sinking down into the warm water. “Wow, this is the perfect temperature…”

“See? I know you too well, don’t I?” Elsbeth had a cheeky grin on her face, and I shook my head, smiling lazily.

“God, I love you.” I said.

“Awww, I love you too.”

I cleaned myself in the bath, and afterwards just relaxed, enjoying the warm water that soothed my tense muscles.

After I got out of the tub, Elsbeth gave me a warm and fuzzy robe, “I think you need some rest now… Why don’t I take you to bed.”

“Sure!” I said.

“Alright, come on.” She led me to my room, and I laid down. She tucked me in, giving me a gentle kiss on the forehead. “Goodnight, honey.”

“Aren’t you gonna come to bed with me?” I asked.

“Well, I guess I could…”

“Yayy!” Elsbeth got into bed next to me, and I laid my head on her chest. She wrapped an arm around me.

“Sleep tight…” She closed her eyes, and I followed suit, listening to the sound of her heartbeat, letting it lull me to sleep.

[shimesaki]

AVENGERS x NEW!Teen Avenger

-Author note.

Dear marvel readers; I’m just now starting to feel a little more confident and comfortable writing, so please bear with me 😭🙏🏻 but anyways this is an OC reader and is female….just an heads up. This is going to be an actual story so there will be multiple parts, i have no clue on how often ima do more chapter’s because i’m homed schooled, i do taekwondo, and work evenings to night shifts, so if your reading this keep an eye out please🫤.

Chapter 1 - the beginning.

Megan, get up you have school!!!!

Meg get up! I hear both my mom and my brother yell.

I’m up i’m up, what is it with everyone yelling at 6:00 in the morning?!?

As i drag myself out of bed i realize just how sore i am from yesterday’s boxing lesson, you know maybe getting boxing lessons from someone who just wants to hurt people instead of help them learn isn’t the best option. I say out loud as i was getting dressed.

Once i get into the kitchen to make my breakfast and get coffee i hear my step dad complaining again.

Pete please not this early in the morning! I look over to my brother whose sitting on the couch just watching tv.

Me: Hey, bruh!

Brother: Huh? Oh what’s up?

Me: Do you mind taking me to school today? Looks like mom won’t be able too, considering she’s arguing with Pete….again.

Brother: Sure thing, do you need to leave now?

Me: Preferably if you don’t mind.

Brother: *gets up* Not at all just let me grab my keys real fast.

Me: Aya captain! *cue salute*

I grab my backpack and everything i need for my first day of school, even though its mid way through the first semester, we moved here not too long ago, and my mom didn’t want me home all the time even tho thats the definition of homed schooled.

Alrighty bambi you ready to go? I hear my brother say.

Bambi? Really? And yes i am.

What? Your quiet, shy, and kind. So your nick name is bambi.

But i’m not really tall.?¿ Doesn’t matter meg.

Okay then? I have no clue how you would’ve thought of that considering you haven’t seen the movie.

HEY! Me and mom watched it when you were gone last night. Which by the way you still haven’t told me where you go, so tell me where do you go?

Uhm..boxing.. i mumble

What?

Boxing!

MEGAN! Mom and Pete are going to kill you!! You know where they stand on fighting, you were already close to getting kicked out of the house with the amount of fights you get into what are you thinking?!

Where they stand?! Chris, they are CONSTANTLY fighting!!

Not physically!

The type of fighting doesn’t matter Chris! Its still fighting! I’m just boxing for self defense, considering you all refuse to pick me up from work, even though i get off at 12:00 at night! Walking home alone in the dark, from a place that has an population of people that like to hurt kids who walk alone! And no for your information i did not start any of the fights, i finished em but I didn’t start the fights.

I tell him and when I didn’t hear anything i just turned my head to the window. As we arrive at my school, i look over at chris.

I’m sorry.. but please don’t tell the parents. Please.

Fine, I won’t.

Thank you. I say as i get out of the car. Seeya later, byee.

What the pixe dust… why is everything destroyed?! I think to myself when i see inside the school.

Hey kid move out of the way!! Get out of here! I hear a person say. I turn to the voice to see two guys one wearing a American flag all over him and the other with a bow and arrow.

Uhm..so no school? I say.

Get ou- what? They both looked at me like i was crazy.

The school is being attacked and your worry is if there’s school?! The guy with the bow and arrow asked.

Well no, today is my first day here, and i really don’t want to get an lecture from my family..

Why would you get a lecture- the guy wearing the American flag outfit began to ask when something comes flying to me from behind.

Before he could do anything i duck and it goes into the wall.

What the fu- was that?! The guy with the bow and arrow asked.

A piece of metal! I say as i moved to it.

Well obviously, what are you doing?

Seeing what kind of metal it is?

No you need to get out of the school before it goes down hill anymore than what it is. I ignore who ever said that and I realize that it came from the building.

No.

NO?! They say together.

No we all need to get out the school is about to fall down.

We all look at each other and the America guy hits the side of his ear.

Avengers, we need to get out of here the building is about to collapse! Yes everyone is out.

Alright kid, Hawkeye lets get out.

Where would be the best way to get out? I’m going to assume the guy with the bow and arrow name is Hawkeye asked.

The door…? Said America man right as wood collapses in front.

Nope..uhh Window? Hawkeye asked.

Maybe?

I walk up to the window realizing its also blocked.

What about the vents? I know its nasty and all but would it work? Americaman said.

Lets go! Alright kid common-

You know there is an emergency exit right? I say as i open the door not knowing whats behind the door.

KID WATCH OUT! Is all i hear before something blast me and knocks me out.

— time skip—

What the h3ll? I say as all i see is a bright light.

Welcome back to the world of the living! I open my eyes to see a random man staring at me.

AH WHAT THE MEDUSA’S SNAKE?! I practically yell.

OUCH! Is all i hear along with a groan and multiple laughs.

Thor we told you not to do that! I hear a woman say.

But you didn’t listen… i hear a other women’s voice.

I sit up but immediately regret it as everything is hurting.

Where am i?

American man- your at the Avengers tower. You were blasted with electricity so we took you back here and Bruce fixed you up.

American man… i mumble

I’m sorry? He says.

My..Mom..is..going..to..kill..me! Crap i gotta get home!

Hey hey its okay, we called your parents.. the school’s principal provided your dad’s number!

My DAD?!? NO!

Oop someone is scared of there dad. I hear hawkeye say.

MEGAN LIA WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!? Is all i hear.

Nooooo not again. I say with disgust.

This happend before?! I hear a other guy say.

I look over to see my dad, and my mom’s current husband.

Lets go! Pete says and i reluctantly get up and walk with them out side to their car, once i get in their car is when the ear fulls started.

Oh my please not this again! I thought to myself.

Me and your mother had enough of your fighting, you will go live with your uncle! Pete yells in my face.

I look at him. Why doesn’t MY mom tell me that, you know instead of the step dad who doesn’t give a shit about us.

Megan your going to live with your uncle end of discussion. My mom says quietly i look over at my bio dad.

I’m sorry meg but i’m not fit to be looking after you… my dad say’s he then gets in his car and drives off.

And neither is your mother you know the amount of health issues she has! I hear pete say.

Well she wouldn’t have that much if you wouldn’t use her as a punching bag….i mumble.

What was that?! Nothing nothing at all.

Mom… fine i will live with my uncle take a responsibility off your list. Was the last thing i said before i put my ear buds in and ignore em.



Back at the AVENGERS Tower.

Steve’s pov:

Steve: Her Dad looked familiar…

Tony: Steve you think a lot of people look familiar.

Thor: My nose still hurts! I hope her hand is okay!

Nat: I’m pretty sure it is.

Wanda: The real question is are you okay?

Thor: Yes i am.

Clint: Okay, so are we just gonna ignore the kid’s reaction to seeing her family? She looked annoyed, shocked, and terrified.

Bruce: Your right, she also had old and new bruises on her!

Tony: That could mean a lot of different things lets not jump to conclusions.

Steve: I agree lets not-

I get interrupted by my phone ringing.

This is Rogers.

Uh let me talk to my boss rq. Well i live where i work, give me a second.

Hey Tony!

Whats up rogers.

Can my niece come live here? I’ll enroll her in school.

You have a niece rogers?

I do, i just haven’t seen her in a long while. Last time i saw her she was a baby.

You’ll be able to keep an eye on her?

Yes tony. I give him a seriously look.

Alright rogers she can.

Thank you tony!

Yes i’ll come pick her up, are you guys still living in the same house?

No? Well tell me the address please. Alrighty thank you see you in 30 ish minutes. After i hang up i grab my keys.

Hey i’ll be back!

Alrighty have fun! Nat says.

I get in my car and go to her house. I get there in 30 minutes.

I knock on the door and there’s my sister who was frozen in time.

Steve! Thank you for coming to get her! Come on in.

MEGANN! YOU READY TO LEAVE?!

YES MA!

A girl walked down and I realize she’s the one we helped.

Mom why did i have to live with my un- Its You!! Your the guy that had the American uniform!

Author note-

I know this chapter is a lot shorter than even i thought it would be, but ima try to write chapter two! I apologize if I spelled anything wrong, and its a weird chapter and i’m not the best at writing either soo.

[madlyn5ever]

Okay Part four of my casting thoughts for East High musicals (I thought I posted part 3 yesterday but I didn’t so that’s up now)

Today’s musical: Cindy and The Discoball !!

(It was my first live musical that I know of -I had a more interesting life as a child without their consciousness yet than now so, maybe I’ve been to one before I don’t know- I think I went to the frozen musical at Disneyland once a couple years ago but I only remember sitting down so I don’t think that counts)

(Anyway Cindy ATD was super fun and definitely a worth while experience if it ever runs again. I saw it at the Garry Marshall in Burbank and it’s small but so nice. It has cool memorabilia in glass cases inside and my Cindy sweatshirt is a favorite merch item of mine in the mix of concert stuff I own)

Anyway!

Kris: Ashlyn. Absolutely no contest Ashlyn would be playing Kris with a K. The non-binary energy here is something that just screams Ashlyn “gender is a construct let’s do this” Caswell. Absolutely my best casting decision for Ashlyn ever I think.

Cindy Fontaine: as much as this role is literally played by Saylor, I’m obligated to say Gina. (Maddox can’t act! But she’s doing her best!) Or Emmy, honestly I need to give Emmy some roles and I think this could be a good one for her. Being the youngest in the group she definitely could play a younger step-sister. I just- I think Gina would be cast here and do it well, but also Emmy’s good too so, I don’t know one of those two.

Eleanor: it’s tricky but I’d have to say, as much as she can’t really act, Dani. She could play a self centered spoiled older step-sister well. She would absolutely kill it as this frigid cool kid.

Buddy: this is a Ricky role and I’m absolutely right about it. The adhd sporty guy who’s actually kind of sweet and himbo-y fits Ricky so well. There’s no other East high drama kid who could pull off the timing of this man as Buddy. It’s almost too perfect.

Pablo: I’m gonna say seb because Pablo and Buddy are one whole nuckle head sandwhich and sebs innocent obliviousness with Ricky’s chaos demon would equal beautiful disaster in the most perfect way.

Soul Sister: Kourtney. Enough said. The powerful vocals, the fact that Kourtney would want to play a powerful woman who’s also magical, this is like Sharpay for her.

Tommy: as much as I’d love to make this little guy (he’s really just a little guy, who loves his school newspaper.)

As much as I’d love to make him Ricky to fit the Gina/ Ricky leads power duo, he can’t be Ricky, Ricky is too much of a Buddy.

So I’d probably say Jet. He’s perfect for this character because he is the kind of guy who could play a foil to Ashlyn’s character in a way. Like maybe not a foil but two people who are both friends with the main character and I don’t know I just think Ashlyn and Jet would make a great buddy cop duo and I feel like that in a way fits these two characters.

Also Jet singing about the news? Heck yes.

[beatsboy]

7.2.24 / day 9 of romanticizing my life until i love myself again

i am capable of so much, i can jot down some thoughts about my day and upload the photos i’ve already taken before i go to sleep, i tell myself every day, and somehow, around midnight, i tell myself it’s time, and end up finally doing it just before 2

as i write this, the nickleback documentary (love to hate) is playing in the background, it makes me think abut my conversation with mf yesterday about death, and legacy

legacy is underrated, charli says, and while i think so much of legacy is tied to privilege and nepotism and classism, i also agree in some ways. while i don’t think the past should define what is popular or notable now, i do think that we’ve come to a point in media where we focus so exclusively on the quick dopamine shot, the viral star, the instant celebrity, that we’ve forgotten why art is so much more appealing than life: it outlives us.

when i spent my time trying to be the next great american author, i told myself (half out of fear of rejection albeit) that i didn’t want success in my lifetime. i wanted to die, for my work to be discovered years later, and develop a cult-like following posthumously. yes, part of this was because i feared the prospect of becoming successful in my own short little life. and it was also because what i craved in my art was something that would transcend this present moment, that would speak to the future world. i wanted to make art that pushed boundaries and limits, and i didn’t care if everyone understood it now. i still feel that way. i am less afraid of rejection. i was rejected for a scholarship the other day, and when i received the email, i reminded myself that i didn’t even want to go back to school unless it was free. i smoked some weed and went about my day.

today, as i sat in my friend’s car in a cemetery in burbank, talking about life, music, and art, as we always do, a deer walked toward us from the other side of the cemetery and started munching on some flowers the gardener had just planted. and, though he didn’t get close, i swear he walked straight toward us for a moment and stared me right in the eye.

maybe what that psychic said wasn’t true and she was just trying to drain me of my savings and i’m not marked with the x for success in my palm. maybe everyone’s palm has that. maybe that’s just the way palms work. but being with friends who are doing the thing with me, who see the buck in the cemetery, foraging among the dead as we smoke cigarettes in his chevy and listen to demos we pray will become singles we plead to the gods people will enjoy listening and moving and crying to, i think to myself, i don’t need a psychic, and i never have. maybe my future has never been waiting for me, perhaps i have always been creating it, and will create it, one hour at a time, until i die.

in the middle of watching the nickelback documentary, i took sweet pea for a late night walk, after midnight, and i brought some scissors with me. i figured they could serve dual use as protection if needed. i walked a few blocks away from my building, waited for sweet pea to poop, and then began foraging. there is so much to forage in this city; i’ve noticed more so now that i don’t have a yard with fruit trees and such. sweet pea started sniffing a bush that i discovered to be rosemary, so i took some of that (note to self: never buy fresh rosemary again, and don’t worry about getting a plant for your apartment that you will kill) and stuffed it into my fanny pack before cutting off some white roses outside of another apartment building and some purple hibiscus from a tree outside of a separate building. i’m never buying flowers again.

who says there is no nature in this city?