#i didn’t post while he was here for obvious reasons but argh i wish we could just like live together already gosh

[alterouslyinlove]

boy is gone. he has left my house. i miss him already. but at least i have boysmell to keep me company

[dawn-of-tomorrow]

shoutout to @punishing-gray-raven-ocs for this ask game~!!

original post is here

god, this became much longer since i now i have 5 PGR OCs, ahahaah :'DDDD

1) Are you excited about Autumn starting? Why or why not?

Yoko: Of course~! After all, who wouldn't be excited to either sleep an extra hour in or just be around the people you love, all cozy indoors~.

Higetsu: Looks like things will become noisy again, but I don't mind it. After all, it's fine to have fun every once in a while.

Artemisia: I personally do not mind it. What comes and goes, will come and go. Such is the seasons, after all.

Pollux: Halloween~! Hot cocoa with 'mallows~! Food~! Hehe, so many things to choose from, wonder what I'll prepare for Castor~. Maybe if I ask Teacher for an extra day off, she wouldn't mind.

Castor: Uncertain. Castor has no opinions regarding the changing of seasons. It is simply a natural order of the world.

2) If you are excited about Autumn, what is your favorite Autumn activity?

Yoko: Seasonal activities aren't complete without any festivals~!! You name it, I'm gonna try out everything! Halloween is definitely a part of the fun~.

Higetsu: I'm already expecting both Yoko and Kamui to drag me into any and all celebrations they can join and come across, so scratch sleeping an entire day off from my list.

Artemisia: In the past I used to bake seasonal pies to share with my friends and family whenever Autumn arrived...... haaah. It's been so long. Apologies, don't mind my answer.

Pollux: Castor and I used to roast chestnuts whenever we could, hehe~. Even to this day, I can still remember the smell of the last chestnuts we roasted as humans. Ah, of course, I'm pretty confident in my pumpkin carving skills-- you'll regret doubting my abilities, haha~!

Castor: No comment. Castor has no preferences for any activities. ... However... it might be nice to... attend an Autumnal festival along with brother, Teacher, and everyone........ no, it is nothing. Do forget about it.

3) How would you like to enjoy Autumn once the war is over?

Yoko: Of course, I'd invite everyone to a slumber party back at home. There's a lot of guest rooms that we haven't used in a long time, so everyone can either share a room or have their own~! ... Ah, but I'd probably have to ask dad, er, father about that.

Higetsu: After the war Autumn celebrations, huh.... haven't really thought about that. ... Maybe, I'll sleep an entire day away? Then plan out a relatively small get-together between Gray Raven and Strike Hawk.

Artemisia: ..... I have no plans yet. But... it would be nice to just spend the day with the kids(Pollux and Castor), taking them on an outdoor trip, or even just a peaceful stroll and shopping spree in the stores

Pollux: Mhrrmmm.... Argh, too many things to decide on~!! I'm decide then!!! But I'll definitely make sure Castor survives until then, so we can experience an Autumn where he can live a peaceful life again.

Castor: I....... Castor is.... uncertain. After the war... Castor has never thought about what to do after the war. What does Teacher and brother have to say about this? ....Is that so? Then I will follow their guidance.

4) Do you enjoy Pumpkin Spice-scented foods and/or products?

Yoko: Hehe, yeah~. Ah, I'm not a glutton though! Even I can't eat too much without hurting my stomach, uuuh.

Higetsu: Just to an alright amount. I'm not so crazy over such things that I'd eat them almost constantly you know.

Artemisia: Hm, perhaps just a little. It's fine to enjoy such delicacies every once in a while.

Pollux: ALL OF IT~!! Ahaha, sorry sorry~. But the more the merrier, right, right? Plus, that means there's all the more I can pretend I can't to eat anymore so I can give to both Castor and Teacher~.

Castor: No comment. It is simply a matter of which is the most appealing to my taste and smell regulations, that is all.

5) Are you going to decorate your dorm for Autumn or Halloween?

Yoko: Naturally~! Gray Raven will celebrate Autumn, and I'm already planning out our Halloween decor layouts with Lucia, Liv, and Lee.

Higetsu: Kamui already begged me and Chrome earlier if Strike Hawk could also decor the base with seasonal decorations. I didn't mind it, and though Chrome needed just a bit more pleading, he was fine with it so long as everyone cleaned up the place once the season is ending.

Artemisia: I've already given Pollux and Castor permission to decorate the base as they see fit. I trust that they won't go too overboard.

Pollux: That's such an obvious question with an obvious answer~. Of course we will! Teacher's already given us the go-ahead to decorate the Aegis squad, and we already have the decor ready~. Castor and I'll begin right after this interview.

Castor: Affirmative. Brother wished to celebrate the Autumn season and Halloween, thus we are to put up decorations in our base soon.

6) Hot cocoa or pumpkin spice latte. Which one would you pick, and why?

Yoko: It's gotta be pumpkin spice latte! Hehe, the foam one reason, but the taste is the best part! I hear people say it's too sweet for them, but personally I think it's fine? Mhm, well, everyone's preferences are different after all, so I don't judge~.

Higetsu: Hot cocoa, although pumpkin spice latte is alright too. It's nothing much really, I just prefer the taste of cocoa over the latte.

Artemisia: I have no preferences for either. If anyone were to offer me one of the two, then I'd take the one they're willing to give away.

Pollux: Both! Because Castor likes both, I can just buy either of the two and we can just have one of each. Hehe, don't tell Castor this, but I can tell that he enjoys having hot cocoa with 'mallows, so I often sneakily put in at least a few of them in his drink when I can~.

Castor: .............both. I... Castor is uncertain. The flavor of the beverages simply taste exquisite. That is all. ....but hot cocoa with marshmallows dipped in... I am uncertain as to why, but my chest is heating up at the thought of it.

7) If you're a Commandant, are you throwing any Autumn or Halloween related activities for your squad?

Yoko: Naturally! Lucia, Liv, and Lee all deserve to have have fun and enjoy the season too! They keep pushing themselves to do a lot, and I wanted to give them even just a bit of fun before going back to work.

Higetsu: ....So what if I am. Everyone at Strike Hawk has been working hard, so is it such a surprising thing that I want them to also take a time-off and enjoy themselves? ... Don't you dare tell them though.

Artemisia: Certainly. Although it's been a long time since I threw any Halloween or Autumn-related parties, even a simple celebration of the seasons would suffice. ... But if those two want a grander celebration, then, I suppose I could ask "that person" for a favor or two.

8) What would be the perfect Autumn-themed date for you?

Yoko: Hmmm, there's so many choices for that~.... but spending the day inside the cozy indoors with Lee doesn't seem like a bad idea either... hehe~. But it would also be nice to go out and have a picnic with everyone, just having fun.

Higetsu: Making jack-o'-lanterns, having a horror movie marathon night, going shopping for Halloween costumes and other related stuff, making seasonal pies and donuts.... What? I'm only saying these because Kamui's a huge bubble of energy, so he most certainly would wanna do a lot of things for a "date". ...It's not that I wouldn't enjoy it either though.

Artemisia: A date? No comment. I have no time for such things. Besides... I'm not qualified for such normal and mundane peaceful activities.

Pollux: Bzzzt-!! Nobody will be taking anyone on a date here~! Ah, but an outing with Castor and Teacher word be nice though. I wanna see those two happy, since they're... bah, nevermind. You heard nothing~.

Castor: Negative. A date is an event one goes with a lover, is it not? Then Castor is unable to go to one. ....Hm? You can go on a date with either friends and/or family instead? Is that so. ... Then, perhaps going to a carnival would be nice with brother and Teacher would be nice...

9) Do you enjoy rainy weather, or does it make you gloomy?

Yoko: Well, so long as it's just a light rain or a heavy rain that doesn't last long. The best part of the rain is afterwards, provided the weather didn't disrupt the surroundings too much, aha~.

Higetsu: I don't have any particular feelings towards the rainy weather to be honest. ...Except for the fact that it makes me feel a bit drowsy, damnit.

Artemisia: The rain, huh.... the weather has given me both joyous and grieving moments. I don't hate it, but I don't like it either.

Pollux: I hate the rain. ...Shut up, I won't elaborate why. Move on to the next question before I tear your throat out.

Castor: I.... I don't have fond memories of the rain. But if a mission requires to trudge through even rain, then so be it.

10) Cuddling up next to your favorite partner, on a rainy afternoon, while watching your favorite movies. Would you enjoy this activity? Why or why not?

Yoko: Ehehe~. Is it that obvious I'd enjoy experiencing that with Lee? Honestly, anything I get to experience with Lee would become a good memory, because it means that we're still together, by each other's side then.

Higetsu: Yes. Ah, wait, no I didn't mean to answer that so quickly-- oi, what's with that smirk on your face!? Quit it, you--!! And don't you dare tell Kamui anything I've said here!!!

Artemisia: That sounds like a lovely scenario, I'm sure everyone would enjoy for that to happen. ...That is why I must work harder for that future, for everyone's sake. ...Hm? What about me then, you ask? .... It matters not. So long as I can preserve the happiness of others and their loved ones... then I can get through anything.

Pollux: Something so mundane and tranquil as that.... heh. Not everyone's deserving of that~. But, it would really be something if Castor were to ever finally experience something like that, Teacher too. 'S why I want them to find even the smallest bit of happiness in this crappy world. ....Oi, cut out that footage afterwards and don't share it, else I'll kill you. Heh, am I joking or not~ that's the question~.

Castor: Negative. This scenario requires a lover for this to occur. As Castor has none, then Castor cannot answer this question. ...Hm? Then choose someone close to you instead? A fine alternative. .... would it be alright if I answered a group? Specifically.... the Gray Ravens, Strike Hawks, brother, and Teacher....

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Hey guys,

Yu, Rai and both Jakes.

Actually..If I talk about my feelings I'm pretty well. Don't tell Jake I said that, but I couldn't be happier about our situation. I mean, we can talk again. Without me being kidnapped and finding a weird Tumblr profile of him. (Which we think was a set up by one of the entities of my world since he obviously doesn't have one. Jake thinks it was goldies doing, I on the other hand don't believe that. Don't ask me why, but it feels like goldie wouldn't do that. And it didn't help me either but only made problems. I was distracted because I was writing the profile (you read it, right Yu? I don't know about the others) and angry. Like, really angry.)

Putting that aside, Jake called me, like he promised :) And it was the longest phone call I had for some time. Most of the time I talked and he didn't get distracted once, just listened to me and everything that happened. And then he started cursing, which is kind of understandable. He apologised for being into stasis. And for this other version from before the 'time setting back' thing. Because I don't find a name I'll call it TSB from now on.

The only problem I have now is going to work, I guess I'll take me some vacation...But at least I'm not as scared of the raven-ass anymore. I mean, I still am, but in the moment I know his steps. And I am not alone.

Jake, I intentionally write the next part in red, please don't read it. That's for Yu.

I know you think that Jake sees you as a threat. If it still is like you wrote in the letter. Jake knows that, too and he doesn't like it. You know him better than I do, of course, but without saying too much...I think it's quite the opposite. Talk to him about that. Even though it's probably not the best circumstances I think he enjoys being with you :)

The next part, purple (damn, I need more coloured pens), is for you Jake.

You already told me that you don't like that Yu thinks you see her as a threat. I only have to say one thing, if it still is like that, talk to her about it. Earlier than later.

The new thoughts about the blood ritual are really interesting. But please don't put yourself in this danger (or not, but I think it's understandable what I mean?) if it isn't necessary. But I also agree with Rai, I thought the same thing for a while. That you desired having someone, Jake, with you. It sounds plausible.

What more was there...Wait, let me reread the letters.

Oh yeah, Rai! One, till now my crow crew seems to still be in stasis (Jake realised that now, too) and two..Please try to take care of your health, yeah? I'm worried for you.

Lis🐾🔥

Ps. Damn...I'm writing this exactly when I wanted to leave the house (I mean, I sadly cannot hide my face forever).

Two new things...I got a message. I mean, it was a threat (because I am the obviously the bad girl that kidnapped Hannah), but I don't care. Maybe that means the stasis is slowly dissolving!

But number 2...I didn't get the vacation. My boss called me almost immediatly. "Under no circumstances [a word is blacked out] Liska. We have July and Alice, Tim and Jenny all want to take free time, too. You are one of our best workers and we can't afford you leaving now. You have no children so you have to wait. Also Max told me that you don't have any problems in family."

So long story short: He wants me to be there tomorrow. Argh, if he would pay me like he's talking that would awesome. And I'll kill Max when I see him next time. (My cousin that thought it was fun to try and steal my work so we both got the rank of 'one of the best workers'. The only problem: Max' title is official. -.- Overall, I'm so much more annoyed than some time earlier. Maybe I should ask Jake for help

Lis,

Okay, the Crow Crew drama is fading a bit, so I'll answer this now. Sorry if I seem disjointed at all, I'm probably going to be going back and forth from conversations to this letter a lot. I can't afford to have them all think I'm compromised, I need to focus on getting out of here and I don't want to deal with their pressure on top of everything else.

Yeah, I don't think the Tumblr profile was Goldie either. Goldie seems to try to be very much a "hands off" sort of entity, like my own. The Tumblr profile thing seems a little out of character for at least my Jake. At least, publicly answering your submission certainly was, though he may have panicked since you sent it in on anon and answered publicly without really thinking about it. I guess I could see him having a Tumblr profile for purposes of following people on social media and watching what they post, though. And then deciding he likes the media and posting a little bit of impersonal things that can't lead back to him. Probably my Jake will say something about that when I hand this letter over to him, stay tuned.

Yeah, I at least read some of the things you sent that profile, and I showed what I had to my Jake too. I'm not sure if I read all of it, since it was a bunch of printed-out screenshots in an envelope, but I read the ask where you told him you hated him (fair at that point but ouch that's got to have hurt) up to when you said you'd found Hannah. After that you sent me your letter telling me time had turned back and the Tumblr screenshots ended.

I'm glad you and Jake managed to talk things out. I was sort of worried about how he'd react, but it sounds like he took it pretty well, considering. I'm... not exactly sure he should be apologizing for the stasis, though. Or the TSB!Jake. Maybe especially not the TSB!Jake. Jakes seem to be oddly different from timeline to timeline, just based on what I've seen of them. TSB has been one of the most different so far.

Oh. One thing I should mention that you might not have seen from the profile: The MWAF used your phone to mock the TSB account, and mentioned that TSB wasn't the only person who could hack, and the MWAF blocked TSB from finding your location. Might want to warn your Jake about that.

A vacation sounds like a good idea :/ It's really hard to go back to normal life right after tragedies or trauma. It feels like the world keeps moving on and you're still stuck in place, and you just want to scream at them that they need to slow down, can't they see that the world is

Good. I'm glad you don't feel alone. It's easier to deal with this stuff when you're with someone else, even if it's not physically.

(Jake, my Jake I mean, if you're reading over my parts of these letters skip to the ||| now please.) I'm not saying he doesn't also enjoy my company. I can tell he does. That doesn't make me not a threat. Like how early on I suspected Thomas, but still thought he was a nice guy and enjoyed talking to him. (Obviously I don't suspect him any more XD ) Still, if you think I should talk with him about it, I'll try to find a tactful way to bring it up.

Yes, because obviously tact is my greatest strength. Sigh.

Like I said to Rai, the underlying desire thing is definitely possible. That'd either mean I'm more obvious about how I feel for Jake than I think I am (very possible, I'm not great at hiding how I feel in person) or the entity has some level of telepathy/mind reading. The reason is that chessboard. Since Jake likes chess, it's clear at least to me the entity expected him to come here at some point. I THINK, if the underlying desire thing is true, I can manipulate myself into wanting specific things by doing things like writing it over and over and repeating it out loud when doing the ritual, but I'm not sure.

|||

It's probably good that your Crow Crew is in stasis, like how it's objectively probably good my outside life is going on without me. Less drama, less pressure.

Huh. The harassment is definitely a promising sign. Maybe you should try contacting Darkness again, same way as I suggested near the beginning? That feels so long ago, but it really can't have been much more than a week, can it?

You... didn't get the vacation. Fucking hell. Is there ANY way you can convince your boss? You really should have time off. Maybe your Jake can help you come up with ideas.

Or at least maybe he can come up with a way to have your boss give you a bonus for your trouble -_-

Oh shit Cleo's interrogating me I'm gonna hand this to Jake now

(The handwriting changes to Jake's.) Hello, Lis.

I agree with Yuvon: "TSB" acts markedly different from myself. There would be no benefit from me promising to be there to find you in the moment, and indeed I would have been falling for a very transparent trap. Even in my possible state of panic, I cannot see myself being there physically, much less revealing myself physically to authorities in the process, unless I was playing the role of bait in a counter-trap. While it is plausible that this was TSB's plan, TSB gave no indication that Yuvon or I could tell that this was the case. Of course, I would have done my best to be there physically in the aftermath of the kidnapping, but not in the moment.

I also agree that the Tumblr profile seems to be out of character for both myself and for "Goldie", though I hesitate to judge TSB's actions by what I myself would do. I seem to vary in surprising ways across universes and even from timeline to timeline, based solely on your current Jake's reactions thus far. I do actually own a Tumblr profile for the exclusive purpose of following social medias I wish to track, but I used a random username generator website for the username and not my own name, and I certainly never posted anything.

The news about the MWAF being able to hack is new to me; I must have missed that the first time I read through the screenshots. That is quite troubling. I suppose I will need to be more careful in future.

I am sincerely sorry your request for a vacation was rejected. I do not know how much you intend to separate your personal life and the Duskwood case, but if your stasis is truly wavering, you may be able to reveal some measure of the danger you are in to convince him to let you flee the area for a small while. Especially since you mentioned in your Tumblr post that you saw a raven note in your wor

Oh.

You need to leave that place. Now. Do not inform your employer of the danger you are in, reveal nothing to him or to anyone, take unpaid time off if you need to. Get your cousin and anyone else you care overly much about out of there too. Invalidate any information you can your employer or coworkers knows about you. Do not tell the truth to anyone, even your cousin. Make up any excuses you need to, ask your Jake for help with ideas if you need to. You may also wish to check that the coworkers your boss listed who are going on vacation are ACTUALLY going on vacation.

This is a priority, Liska. You need to tell your Jake all of this too, especially the part with the note in your workplace. You need to get out of there.

Good luck.

—Jake & Yuvon

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

[xxxrubytuesdayxxx]

If you give him the benefit of the doubt...

Word Count: 3,230

Disclaimers: This is part (47) of a Choose Your Own Ending!

Check at the end for glossary of Korean terms*

This one was also VERY hard to post as it’s got a little too much of my own personal stuff about JK in it but hopefully, if it makes even just one person smile, it’s worth it :) 

Start here:

“Aren’t you going to check on him?” Namjoon asks you, clearly itching to do so himself. “He can’t just wander off like that. Besides aren’t you guys…” he stops, embarrassed. You grin at him, even though you’re feeling far from jovial.

“Aren’t we what, Namjoon?” you prompt him, pretending to be genuinely curious. He mutters something about ‘never mind’ and returns to his coffee. 

Hoseok apparently has no such qualms.

“Fucking. Everyone knows you guys are fucking! I’m not playing these stupid games anymore, where everyone pretends they don’t know what’s going on with you two. Or with Yoongi and Mai, for that matter,” he adds as the others stare at him. You sigh and he looks a bit guilty, like he knows he’s crossed a line, and apologises hurriedly. You shake your head and smile at him to let him know he’s off the hook.

“Are you okay Hobi?” you ask him gently, leaning into his ear. ���Do you want to come have a chat for a bit?” He looks hesitant, but nods slowly and you gesture across to one of the private rooms behind the meet and greet area. 

You address Namjoon as you follow Hoseok over:

“I’m not paid to babysit Jeon Jeongguk, Kim Namjoon. I love all of you equally on a professional level, and I’m currently on the clock. If you want to check on him, be my guest. I’m just going to trust him to come back when he says he will. If he doesn’t, we can both go find him, and I’ll owe you a beer.”

It turns out Hoseok has a personal issue he wants to deal with, but being J-Hope he has been trying to keep up his usual merry antics to the detriment of his own wellbeing. You scold him gently and arrange for him to have the next couple of days off to deal with some of his stuff. He doesn’t offer details and you know enough not to pry, but you wonder whether any of it is to do with his obvious feelings for Mai.

You manage to hold off on worrying about what Jeongguk is up to and he does rematerialise shortly before his half-hour cut-off, looking somewhat sly, which doesn’t exactly make you feel any better, but you shelve it for later…more specifically, when you find him sneaking off in a taxi, instead of getting in the van with the others…

“Spill Jeongguk,” you instruct him, saving the preamble. He licks his lips nervously, clearly not wanting to tell you.

“Look...it’s not what you think,” he defends himself, with all the cliche gaucheness of an adolescent surprised in an affair.

“And what exactly do I think?” you ask him, refusing to play his games.

“I’m...I mean...I don’t know,” he admits, scuffing his shoe on the road.

“I think you need to let me know where you are at all times for your own security, as well as that of the other members,” you remind him, more gently than you had intended to, taking in the crestfallen look on his face. He doesn’t look guilty, just embarrassed. Which is odd if your suspicions are correct.

“I told Namjoon and Taehyung,” he murmurs. You fold your arms.

“Shouldn’t they have updated me then?” you point out.

“I asked them not to...until after tonight…” he whispers, wretchedly.

“Oh…” you hesitate, now utterly confused. “Well okay. I’m assuming you have your reasons,” you allow. “But you know you can tell me anything, right?” you assure him. He nods, but doesn’t volunteer any further information.

"Off you go then,” you tell him, returning to the van pondering what to ask Namjoon and Tae about the whole situation, if anything. At least this somewhat explains their earlier shared look. You decide to just check that you needn’t worry and that Jeongguk is okay and safe. Namjoon assures you definitively that if he wasn’t then he and Tae wouldn’t have kept his secret. Curiouser and curiouser...you ponder.

Obviously your curiosity is further piqued when you subsequently receive a text from Jeongguk asking you to jump in the car he is sending to the apartment wearing ‘something seksi’ and not ask the driver any questions. You do as he asks, your brain whirling. What on earth is the boy planning? You smile at his phrasing, understanding at last why Namjoon and Tae looked less than thrilled when he snuck off earlier. The driver lets you out in front of an exclusive but little-known hotel, leaving you a note in Jeongguk’s handwriting, and you start to put the pieces together. Including why he hasn’t been spending as much on luxuries lately.

You step into the lobby wishing you hadn’t just blindly followed Jeongguk’s sartorial request as you’re drawing more attention than you generally want from strangers. You give your name, and ask for the room number the note specifies, upon which you’re handed a key by a sullen-looking concierge and directed up to the penthouse floor. The little minx is nowhere in sight when you finally open the door, but he’s spread the entire bed with rose petals and he’s obviously ordered room service, as there’s covered dishes laid out and champagne on ice. Your attention is pulled away from the table to the open french doors and you step onto the balcony. Jeongguk waits for you to draw in your breath, which you do at the view over Seoul and Hangang, before revealing himself. You’re barely able to draw in another breath as he comes into view, dressed as if he’s about to step on stage and looking like a snack. He steps across to take your hands.

“Be mine,” he asks you, sweet, but confident. You’re floored and you let him see it in your eyes. You smile and kiss him softly, lingering on his lips.

“I already am yours, Jeon Jeongguk. You’ve owned me since the day I met you,” you admit to him, finally able to speak those words. He shrugs, cute.

“Properly though. Not just in secret,” he clarifies. Unable to think of anything to say, you kiss him again. A different kind of hunger in his eyes, he pulls you insistently towards the bed, forgetting all his careful preparations.

“You look too seksi for me to eat dinner first,” he defends himself preemptively.

“You told me to wear something seksi. Your exact words,” you laugh gently. He smiles, unrepentant, and kisses you messily, drawing your tongue out with his.

“Your dinner will get cold,” you provoke him, placing your hand on his chest. “Besides you look pretty damn banging yourself, but you don’t see me trying to rip your clothes off. It’s good to wait for things sometimes. Anticipation heightens the reward.” You pull him back to the table, ignoring his protests.

“Argh! You tease!” he objects, desire making his eyes sparkle.

“You’d know something about being a tease, wouldn’t you Jeongguk-ah?” you remind him. “You think I didn’t notice you undressing me with your eyes while you were meant to be answering fan questions this afternoon? Joonie was about ready to kick me out of the room, before they started asking really uncomfortable questions.

“I wanted to be in bed with you, not up there on stage,” he states simply. “You know that I can’t give you me the way you can give me you: it’s too tricky with ARMY and BTS. But sometimes I wish I could.” Too many emotions are running through you, so you just kiss him softly, then change the subject.

“So this teasing...is there a particular part of you I’m teasing?” you enquire, letting your fingertips brush the front of his tight, black jeans. He gasps and drops his hands instinctively to protect himself, biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut to shift his focus. You guide his hands up to your chest, letting him slip them inside your bra under your dress to fondle your breasts. You can feel your nipples getting as hard as his dick. He slips the dress off your shoulders and catches one nipple between his lips, making you experience an insistent pulse between your legs, then lifts you up onto the edge of the little table, pushing the plates carefully aside to make room.

“Your dinner…” you protest weakly.

“Can you please…[he gathers the English words carefully from his memory] Ah! Sit down...on my...face?” he requests. You give him an incredulous look, but a smirk slips involuntarily across your lips.

“Oh my God  Kookie! You didn’t get that from papago…What have you been watching, you pretty little chang-nyo?” you ask him rhetorically, figuring he’s been into Namjoon’s not-so-secret stash of western porn as well as his own hentai. He hooks a finger into the top of your knickers and tries to pull them off, but he’s impeded by your hand, firmly gripping his. Undeterred, he slips two of the fingers from his other hand into your knickers and up inside you, making you gasp.

“Jojotkkuna. Naege manneul juda,” he whispers, lifting his fingers to his tongue without waiting for a reply.

“Wow. Such an impatient brat,” you tease him. “Look...how about I feed you some of this food you’ve gone to so much trouble to organise?” you suggest. “Would that be an acceptable compromise?” He mulls this over then hops off his chair to collect one of the champagne bottles, some strawberries and, somewhat incongruously, a can of whipped cream. Uh-oh...His lips twist in that distinctive way he has when he’s about to cause trouble.

“Don’t you dare…” you warn him futilely, with your hands up to stop him. He grins wickedly, before attacking you with the whipped cream, then spraying you with the champagne. “I kind of don’t want to ask about the strawberries…” you comment, catching your breath after the unprovoked attack. He doesn’t answer, but lifts you back up onto the edge of the table and licks some of the cream and champagne off your chest and neck.

“Yum,” he appraises, giving you one of his utterly adorable little smiles, before slipping your panties off with one swift motion and then, to your startlement, inserting one of his damn strawberries up between your legs, right where he wants it. You figure he did ask politely before taking matters into his own hands, so you just sigh at his sass.

“Kookie, ani,” you try faintly, as you feel his tongue teasing around the fruit. “Oh fuck...Jeongguk...oh God, you feel good…” You give up as he extracts it, slurps it into his mouth, and then replaces it with his way-too-adept tongue. He sits back, when he’s done, looking somewhat like the cat that got the cream, and licks his lips. You stare at him incredulously. “Wow! I never realised just how much of a little slut you were that whole time I thought you were an innocent bunny,” you blurt out. “I mean I know, I know - that whole ‘what tastes good in Busan?’ thing but holy shit! Do you even have a conscience? You must have driven so many girls wild for you to just walk out of their lives the next morning.”

“Who says I waited til the next morning?” he sasses you. “Besides. I’m your slut now, aren’t I?” he reminds you, sulking a little. You laugh gently and kiss his pout.

“That’s weirdly the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard,” you acknowledge. “I’m sorry, baby. I was just a bit...taken aback…” you explain. “So do I get to make you scream now then?” He smiles slyly.

“Dinner first?” he suggests.

“Ugh you minx!” you yelp, knowing he’s only doing this to punish you. “Fine. You make everything how you want it and I’ll go wash up seeing as somebody made me all sticky.” His smile turns into a smirk, but he nods his agreement.

“Anyway what happened to you being all hot for it before?” you ask. He shrugs.

“I just wanted to make you as wild for me as I was for you,” he comments.

“I always am, you little monster,” you assure him, leaning down to kiss him again. But you can’t resist needling him just a little, so you whisper “it’s just that I’m older than you, so I can keep it in my pants.” He twists his lips into the same defiant look he conjures when he thinks he’s being ‘challenged’, then ruins his ‘too dignified to enter into this’ charade by sticking his tongue out at you. You capture his tongue with yours and climb onto his lap, as his kisses become more and more passionate. You stop him, pretending you can’t see his erection straining against the tailored black denim of his jeans, when he slips a hand up your skirt.

“I’m going to tear your clothes off the second we’ve eaten, sex-kitten” you tell him, deliberately echoing his words at Bambam’s party, and making him smile and lower his lashes in mock-submission.

You’re as quick as you can be in the shower, but when you come back out Jeongguk has already set up the table and barbecue equipment and you can smell meat cooking. He looks up at you with an odd mixture of pride and anxiety on his face. “I’m doing the meat for us,” he mutters, blushing and looking back down at his handiwork. You sit in one of the chairs backwards, to watch him. He picks up one of the finished pieces and gently feeds it to you with the beautifully-lacquered hotel chopsticks. “Is it okay?” he checks.

“Mm, yes. Delicious.” you reassure him. He smiles sweetly. After you’ve both finished eating, you place your hand on his leg and squeeze it lightly. It doesn’t seem right to keep your promise to just callously ravish him, when he’s gone to all this effort.

“Gomapssumnida, Jeongguk-ah,” you tell him. “This whole night is really special and thoughtful and the dinner was perfect.” He gives you another of his cute bunny smiles, then comes around the table to lift you in his arms, causing you to throw your own arms around his neck and kiss him passionately. He returns your kisses hotly and sloppily as he carries you carefully across the carpet then onto the tiles surrounding the hot-tub in his fancy cuban-heeled dress boots. He lets you down and sits on the edge of the tub, looking at you, doe-eyed and expectant.

“Can I please undress you, yoppeun kkonminam?” you ask him, overwhelmed, as ever, by his delicate beauty.

“Algesseo,” he murmurs, looking shy. You remove his gorgeous, brocade jacket, and then pull his black, tailored shirt loose from the waistband of his jeans, kissing him deeply as you do so. He tosses his bangs coquettishly, making his silver earrings dance, and you kiss his neck, lingering on his collarbone, as you let your fingers work blindly on his buttons. You slide the sleeves of the silky shirt down his arms, and he flings his head back, letting his breath out in an extended sigh as the garment slips to the floor. You bring your hands back around to stroke his now-naked chest and play with his swiftly-hardening nipples.

“Ssibal...Fuck me already, noona,” he breathes. “I can’t wait any longer. Naneun neoreul wonhae.” He takes your face in his hands and bewitches you with his kisses, nipping your bottom lip impatiently, as you fumble hurriedly with his belt buckle and zippers. You put a hand up to his lips and he draws one of your fingers into his mouth, his breath hitching as he bites down gently on it. You ease his jeans down his beautifully toned legs, then lean down to remove his boots and socks, making him giggle. You pause to drink in his loveliness, as he closes his eyes and inhales deeply.

“Jebal,” he begs, his voice coming from somewhere deep in his throat. You slide his Calvin Klein briefs down and drop them with the rest of his discarded clothes,  letting your hands caress every inch of him with languorous strokes.

“I can’t believe how lucky I am to be yours,” you murmur. He smiles cheekily and raises his eyebrows, his eyes still closed.

“Do me a favour then, and take your clothes off,” he tells you. You laugh and do as he asks, then come over to him. He opens his gorgeously-dark eyes and winks at you, reaching for you to pull you into another kiss. This time his hands explore your body as avidly as yours are caressing his. Eventually he stands up and pulls you with him into the bubbling water, tapping your legs to indicate that you should straddle him when he sits down. You lower yourself onto his erection and he gasps loudly, then groans softly. You share feverish kisses as you bounce yourself up and down on him, both of you giving free reign to a litany of moans as you enjoy each other.

Feeling your orgasm threatening, you tense yourself up and look down at your angelic-faced lover, who is biting his own lip in an obvious attempt to outlast you.

“Uh...Oh God...Noona...wait...” he pleads, his voice coming out of his throat with a husky edge to it. The feel of his cock sliding up and down inside you is making you tingle and his voice sounding so needy like that makes it even harder to hold back, but you manage, tightening your muscles around him and speeding up to coax him to climax first.

“Oh fuck,” he cusses, in English, as you feel him cum. His eyes are at half-mast and his lips parted just the right amount. He looks sexy enough to tempt even a saint to indiscretions. Being no saint, your body swiftly succumbs to its delayed orgasm, and you collapse by his side, snaking your arm around his waist to pull him against you with your last remaining strength. He cuddles into you like a kitten.

“Take me to bed jagiya?” he murmurs sleepily, his head falling onto your shoulder against your neck, his dark hair damp and curling prettily where it’s been touched by the water and the mist. You kiss his perfect mouth, then lace your fingers with his, guiding him up the shallow stairs, towards the rose-petal strewn king-sized bed. He crawls under the covers and pulls you in after him, wrapping you in his arms and legs. You’re drifting halfway to heaven when you hear his phone chime.

“I’m not here,” he sighs into your hair, tossing you the phone from under his pillow. Shaking your head indulgently, you unlock the screen and read the message from Namjoon: “BigHit want you to do fanservice tonight, due to your extreme lack of enthusiasm this afternoon. Can you please do a V Live before you go to sleep?” You read this out loud to your pretty baby, who grunts noncommittally, clearly unimpressed with the content.

“Tomorrow,” he mumbles. You text Namjoon back from his phone, telling him Jeongguk is already asleep, but you’ll ask him when he wakes up. It’s the first time you’ve outright lied for him, but you suspect it won’t be the last. You slip the phone onto his nightstand, turn the light out and drift the rest of the way to heaven in his arms.

THE END

Glossary: (feel free to submit corrections for these ^.^)

Chang-nyo (창녀) Whore (Obviously affectionately here though!)

Jojotkkuna. Naege manneul juda (젖었구나. 내게 맛를 주다) You’re wet. Give me a taste.

Gomapssumnida (고맙숩니다) Thank you (formal/polite)

Yoppeun kkonminam (여쁜 꽃미남) Pretty “flower boy” (traditional Korean, not properly translatable)

Algesseo (알겠어) Okay/Alright

Naneun noreul wonhae (나는 너를 원해) I want you.

Jebal (제발) Please...

[goliath-de-senfina-sango]

Danny takes a look in the weapons vault for something useful, Tucker gets some info, and Sam has a moral debate in her head instead of out loud.

To say that the situation between Danny and his parents was tense would be to say that space was a little dark and a touch chilly. Ending an argument by passing out was dramatic, yes, but not conducive to following that argument up with maybe something calmer, more reasoned out. On one hand, Danny was never going to be reasonable about the idea of committing genocide on the dead, a feat he was almost entirely certain was impossible and yet even if it was possible, it would be akin to setting off all the nukes on Earth at once. It was a horrible idea, and if he thought about it any further Danny knew he was going to start causing things to float and go icy cold and dark. He may have accidentally frozen part of his room when he got home from the hospital.

So, instead of asking his parents ‘hey Mom and Dad, have you made any tools or weapons to expose a shapeshifting ghost?’ like he would’ve in the case of a slightly less tense relationship with his parents (he could see the threads that bound him to them, and they were strained, thinner than before, and that frightened him), Danny had to check himself. Which meant going into the kitchen and heading through the door, down the stairs and ignoring the second flight of stairs that’d lead to the lab (to the portal, to his Death, to his Undeath, to all the hurt he’d ever experienced compounded over itself all at once). He instead kept going down a hallway, one that held two doors, both sealed up. One was the Cursed Artifacts vault, and it didn’t surprise Danny that he could see light pulsing at the edges of the door, calling out to him in a way that he could see but not hear and yet knew was a cry all the same.

“I bet there’re dolls in there. Not even because they’re actually cursed but because they think they are.” Instead of finding out how cursed anything in there actually was, Danny turned to the other door, opening it up and looking out across rows and shelves of weapons. The walls were honeycombed with drawers like file cabinets. The ones that were open were typically the more experimental ones, while the rest were connected to the Portal Pockets so that they could be summoned on the fly whenever needed. Checking over the experimental shelves, Danny tapped his fingers against his arms and legs, trying not to think too hard about any of these things being used against him.

“The Fenton Ghost Gloves,” Danny read from the notecard written in his mother’s patient script. “When activated the gloves release a steady current of metaphysical energy (hereby referred to as ecto energy) across their surface, facilitating tactile interaction with a ghost regardless of the ghost’s selective tangibility. Concept derived from the Specter Deflector™ as suggested by Tucker Sazad Foley.” He put the card back and sighed. “Not what I needed but good to know about. Maybe Tuck and I can make some of these of our own - if it’s in the experimental phase then it’s fitted to Dad.”

Danny walked over to the Next New Thing. He groaned, running a hand through his hair and tugging on the curls. “Looks like we need a new mixer. That was mine! Just cause Mom can’t make anything but cookies or fudge doesn’t mean that they should just. Argh.” He huffed and then picked up the card for whatever his precious mixer had been sacrificed to make. “The Fenton Ghost Peeler. Oh, wow, they couldn’t get a potato peeler for this one? Capable of… stripping a ghost layer by layer, peeling them like an onion, so as to weaken it for capture or for examination post-capture. Yikes.” Setting down the card, he picked it up and examined the buttons, keeping the obvious business end away from his face. “That sounds painful, probably even sadistic, but I guess this is what I’m after.” He pocketed it, placing it not with standard weapon storage but his own private little pocket that only he had access to outside of emergencies.

Making sure the door was locked, Danny walked to the stairs and ignored the plethora of colors radiating from the tiny seams of the Artifacts vault, and the star-like pull tugging him downward, deeper, toward a world still unseen. He had this world to worry about, and the next one could wait.

Flying his way to Agatha’s soup kitchen would’ve been faster than using his skateboard but if Hunter had taught him anything, being subtle could be a life or death thing. With that shapeshifter on the loose, Tucker felt being subtle was the right path to go down while alone. Tucker moved with an ear and both eyes open for trouble, which he felt like he was going to get. When he got within 2 blocks of the kitchen, however, that feeling vanished, replaced with an acute awareness of how hungry he was and how little ectoplasmic food Danny had eaten. That surety that he was being watched and hunted faded away and Tucker stopped, looking around. “Note to self, shifter won’t approach Agatha’s territory.”

When he actually got there, the volunteer at the door was one of the same ones who had to be convinced to let Agatha in without calling the Fentons. She had dark skin, bright brown eyes, and long curly hair done up in a bun. She smiled when she saw him, waving. “Hi, there! Tucker, right? You were one of the kids that brought Aggie to us?”

“Yeah, though most people call me TF for Too Fine.” He shot her a pair of finger guns with a grin and a wink, not even flinching when she laughed at it all. He was hardly serious about that right now, and even if he were everything took time.

“Kid, I’m 21. That’d be the creepiest thing under the sun for me to call you.” Tucker laughed with her then and they shook their heads together. “What can I do for ya?”

“I uh need to speak with Ms. Reece. If she’s available.” Tucker knew he wasn’t Danny and that Agatha had no explicit reason to talk to him, but he hoped that his being best friends with the kids who’d gotten her into this place would be enough. He wasn’t a researcher on Sam’s level but he knew she’d need some description beyond ‘malicious supernatural entity’ to figure out what Spectra was.

Daisy - and that was her name, he remembered now - blinked and shrugged before patting Tucker on the shoulder and leading him over toward a door marked Staff Only. “You wait here and I’ll see if Aggie can meet with you.” Tucker nodded and leaned against a wall, scrolling through his phone and looking over Spectra’s staff profile again. His eyes narrowed at the mention of an assistant, wondering what a school counselor needed with an assistant.

Before he could look into this Bertrand Baxter, however, a white holographic head poked through the door and Tucker jumped to attention, Wrist Ray™ aimed and charging. He took a deep breath, put away the weapon and offered a shaky smile at Agatha, who managed a sheepish one herself. “Sorry about that, child. I’ve just been in the habit of it and everyone round here has gotten used to me doing that. How are ya deary?”

“Hello, Ms. Reece,” Tucker said with a wave. “I’ve been better. And you?”

“Oh, I’m doing well! I just wish I could do more.” She frowned. White rippling edges began to tint green. “So many people are out there just like these dears, who can’t get a good meal.”

Tucker frowned as his brain worked double-time to figure something out. He didn’t want Agatha to grow unstable and dangerous because she realized the limitations of being in one place. What did he learn by proxy as Danny’s best friend? Ghosts can do things to satisfy their desires in efficient ways on scales grand enough to terrify. They curse objects to spread their malicious machinations beyond their haunts do things they normally can’t. They- “What if… you made lunch boxes that always restored themselves? Always have a healthy meal inside of them? Then you can give those out to people all over as fast as you can make em, and feed just about everyone.” Tucker had no clue if she could even do that but he dearly hoped so. Not only because he was worried about his own immediate safety - though he was - but also because if she could do that and managed it, then that would be unbelievably great for pretty much everyone in the world. He may not have Sam’s grand, overarching passionate goals as he was very much grounded in the real world not the ideal one, but ghost powers made everything possible.

In any case, Agatha stopped turning green. Instead, for a moment, Agatha didn’t look like a ghost the way Tucker knew them to look. Her skin was a warm brown, her uniform pink and white with thick yellow rubber gloves and her eyes were full of life in a way that Tucker hadn’t ever seen in her or Sydney.

For a moment, Tucker got a clear glimpse of what Agatha was like when she was alive.

She flickered back to that holographic quality and beamed at him. “Oh, Tucker! That’s a wonderful idea! I’ll get to work on that in my Cafeteria! But you came for more than solving my problems, didn’t you?”

“I’m happy to help, Ms. Reece, but I did need to ask you about someone.” Tucker cleared his throat and braced himself. “Do you know about Penelope Spectra?”

Agatha’s hair ignited, eyes turned into red pits of fury and her body shone lime green. “What bout that ishka? ” Oh, Tucker almost disliked that icy cold tone as much as he did the sound of Agatha’s fiery and immediate rage.

“She isn’t human, but she is back at Casper high and Danny, Sam and I need to know what she is to get rid of her.”

“ Hod that filthy, joy suckin- ” Agatha went on a list of what Tucker could only say were old Minnesotan Not Swears. He was impressed that she was refraining from swearing up a storm with how long she went on, but a lack of lungs made ranting names about someone pretty easy, he guessed. “ -get back without my notice? ”

“You were a touch busy with us,” Tucker soothed. “Do you know what she is?”

Agatha took a breath and closed her eyes, the fire that was her hair snapping around waspishly. When she opened them they were focused on Tucker like a microscope. “The Infinite Realms are called that cause they’re endless and infinite. Every kind of world you can imagine and all the ones you can’t exist, and some of theirs end up here. Spectra ’s from what ya call the Abyss. The Ocean of Dark.” Agatha shuddered.

“ Penelope Spectra is a rippling, inky darkness that pulls your greatest fear, your greatest sorrow, the darkest worst thing within you that you resist day after day, or even that you don’t up to the surface. She makes you face everything you think is wrong with you, even the tiniest flaw in the back of your head that you know better about yourself, and spits it back at you with all the force of a wave crashing down and drowning you in misery and self-doubt. And then she feeds on it like a festering parasite.” Agatha’s face twisted up in disgust. “ She is suffering and fear and misery, and she wreaks it upon her victims to feed herself.”

“That’s… quite the description.” Tucker didn’t dare take his phone out to take notes just yet, all too sure that’d look like disrespect to the ghost.

“That Ishka got me and half of the school killed! I’m bein rather generous in how I call her.”

“Understood.” Tucker nodded and took a step back. “Thank you for your help, ma’am.”

“And thank you kindly for the idea, Tucker. Stay safe and aim well.”

“Damn, that’s a description,” Sam muttered, pages flipping in her hands and herbal tea resting half drank next to her. She was slowly recovering from both a bug that seemed to be going around and the drain from her spell. Still, she had a feeling that unless she found some powerful artifact straight from the Infinite Realms it was back to her martial arts and Fenton Weapons for all defenses. Fine against a meathed like Dash, but not so fine when it came to dealing with an emotional vampire.

“It sounds to me like she blames Spectra for what Sydney did,” Danny said, “Which is probably something Sydney might need to hear. After all, if Spectra’s track record is something to go off of then…”

“Let’s save that for later, please and thanks.” Sam sighed. “I don’t need to think about that right now. What I do need to think about is… aha! Alright, thanks to a bunch of internet searches and checking through a few translated books, I think I have an idea of what Spectra is.” She finished her cup of tea and made a face at the strong taste. Regardless, it should help. “Agatha said something about the Dark Ocean, right?”

“Yup.”

“So, while she could be a few things I think the closest match is a Fomorian from Irish myth. Seafarers from the Middle East that came to Ireland centuries before Tuatha Dé Danann arrived there. The Tuatha De Danann are gods,” she answered before Tucker could finish asking. “With our admittedly limited knowledge on ghosts, I’d say that a group of monstrous entities from a dark ocean finding their way here through a portal of some sort and becoming part of legends makes sense.” Sam sighed, leaning back against her wall of fluffy lavender pillows. “If the Infinite Realms are really that and beings from other realms can just make a portal here whenever they feel like it, how many myths, legends, and religions can be traced back to something from another realm hopping over to Earth?”

No one said anything for the longest moment and Sam sneezed into a tissue. Tucker cleared his throat and pushed through a near palpable wall of awkwardness that Sam had established. “What kind of things do the myths say we need in order to hurt her?”

“Well, fighting a Fomorian effectively sort of requires you to use a magickal weapon of some sort. I’m pretty sure that magick is just ectoplasmic energy at this point, so we’re good there.”

“Now we just need an excuse for me to shoot a staff member with an experimental weapon made by the town crazies.” Danny huffed and Sam sucked her teeth at that. How would they corner her without anyone stopping them? Finding her at night sounded like a horrible idea if she was from the Dark Ocean, and dealing with her during the day likely meant at lunch, which would mean the entire school would be available for her to use against them.

Tucker grinned on her screen and puffed out his chest. “Well, that part’s actually covered by Spectra’s own bullshit planning. She has an assistant registered with the school, and you’d think someone with such great planning skills wouldn’t have an assistant with living family members come with her to the school where his grandson goes to.” Sam’s eyes widened and she leaned forward as Tucker sent a link and a picture of a man captioned as Bertrand Baxter. “Yes, that Baxter.”

“Holy shit,” Sam whispered. “All we need to do is get Dash to expose his grandfather as dead and we’d have Spectra dead to rights as either an accomplice in a haunting that’s been hurting the school at the very least. If we can line up the shot right we-” Sam cut herself off with a violent fit of coughing and sneezing and leaned away from the screen with the force of it all. Once she was done attempting to cough up her entire lung, Sam wiped her face with a fresh tissue. “Ugh, I guess I mean if you can line up the shot right. I feel utterly useless like this.”

“Well, if it’s alright I may be able to help with that.” Sam didn’t have the energy to jump like her body wanted to, but she did turn quickly to see Sydney Poindexter floating sheepishly in front of her, head turned to look off into the nearest corner. “I uh. I’ve always wanted to be a nurse, and after you and Danny showed that he can heal people with a little effort, and after a little talk with Jazz, I thought maybe. Maybe I can try? I have more energy to spare, at the very least.”

For a second Sam considered telling Sydney to leave. After all, he’d flat out admitted to what the rumors about him had stated: he snapped and shot up the school. That was inexcusable. And yet, a soul-sucking misery demon looking to feed on every ounce of negative emotion that she could had been an influence, hell might’ve even been the whole driving force. And Sydney had basically been put through torture before and after. Part of her felt that he should be pushed away, shoved in a thermos and returned to the Realms and the other remembered that Agatha, one of his victims, blamed Spectra for what happened to him. Sam would’ve let this moral debate in her head go on forever if she could, really.

But then her lungs had another fit and she decided that pragmatism won out here. So she held out her hand and sniffed when she could. “Go ahead, not like this can get any worse.”

Sydney beamed, his form sliding further into focus and opacity, and he took her hand. His tongue stuck out of his mouth as he concentrated, so much like Danny she wanted to laugh. But then she felt how different from Danny he was. Danny’s energy was vast light bright protection and Sydney felt more gentle cautious guilt warm soft in a way that Sam was hard-pressed to define. But then that warmth spread slowly and steadily through her body and it was like a fever but five times as intense. And then the energy cooled, stealing away the extra heat to soothe her, and Sam felt bone tired. Her sinuses were cleared and all that, she could almost certainly tell, but she was so tired . “Oh gosh, I’m sorry. I guess I was able to knock out your flu but you’ll need your own energy to handle any sort of restoration?”

“Let Sam rest a couple days, Syd,” Tucker said at the edges of her awareness. Sydney pulled her up in her bed and her protests died on her lips as warm comfy blankets were tucked around her. “We’ll take on the shadow lady when we’re all at 100 percent.”

“Fine, I’ll rest, but I want a new weapon to compensate.” With that demand gotten out, darkness overtook Sam and the sound of Tucker instructing Sydney on how to turn off her laptop correctly faded out.

[blu-b]

Trying again to post my Ragnarok blabbering....

Let’s try and see if tumblr still thinks it has too many paragraphs. If so, I shall split it into two. Reminder that this is just me spewing out everything that bothers me because I actually have so desperately few Thor(ki) pals on tumblr that I'm basically jumping on any opportunity to actually talk to someone about it. Which is why you precious few who commented are now getting the full broadside of my entire jumbled misery. I apologize in advance. You really don't have to read all of it. I’m also not looking for a grand discussion or anything. I just need to get it out of my system.  

​I respect that there are people who liked the movie, and I don't mean to spoil it for anyone else, so what I'm going to say here is all just a very personal, subjective impression that is by no means anything else but an opinion. Also I feel kind of stupid because the film has been out for a year and...yeah well.

On we go.

upstartpoodle replied to your post “I’ve finally seen Thor: Ragnarok (yes yes, I’m late to the party, I...”

I haven't seen it since I knew from the various spoilers I've seen that it wasn't really my cup of tea, so I can't really comment about the film as a whole, but I've seen a lot of complaints from other people about inconsistent characterisation, too many jokes, dropping the ball on plot points established in the previous films, etc. There's an increasingly long post that keeps cropping up on my dash about it. 

calicoskatts replied to your post

I enjoyed it but for me it was jsut another entertaining movie from Marvel but nothing particularly interesting. I thought I was watching Guardians of the Asgardians personally. I’ve been put off from Marvel over the last bit tbh, so maybe that’s why? Like I said, I enjoyed it but I wasn’t wowed or anything.

nelioe replied to your post

*raises hand* I agree, I too thought the movie was awful

miusmius replied to your post

I honestly loved it!

hiko73 replied to your post

What? The movie was amazing from beginning to end, imho....I feel at a loss why you hated it so much.

So, before I say anything, I need to explain that I basically knew the film's plot from gifs and Youtube clips before I watched the DVD, although I didn't know all of it. I already thought some of the scenes sucked big time from the snippets I had seen (Get help, the obedience disk), but actually there were a few that I thought were bad and that turned out rather good in the movie. I’ll come to those in a minute.

So, I think seeing the movie in its entirety for the first time was what did me in. Really, my brain hurt after the end credits rolled off the screen, and I felt like brainwashed. I mean, I knew it was different, and loud, and colourful, and that’s not what I’m having a problem with. It’s rather…a conglomerate of things that just rub me the wrong way.

I’m not mentioning the inconsistent characterisation and the many loose threads that never get cleared up sufficiently (an entire fandom has been waiting for an explanation of how Loki survived Svartalfheim! I had expected it to be a major plot point early in Ragnarok, but it wasn’t even mentioned apart from ‘I thought you were dead’. Well yes, thanks Thor, me too. I’d like to know how he managed not to be dead!).

I’ll also not mention obvious plotholes because well, it’s Marvel we’re talking about, so things like that are expected, and I’ll neither mention obvious flaws on the technical side (too many rapid cuts, weird camera angles or frames) because artistic liberty and all. What does get on my nerves is how almost any serious scene is broken up by something ‘funny’. No two characters can have a quiet talk for two seconds before some joke is cracked that does or does not fit the situation. It’s…tiresome. Especially since most of the jokes aren’t really funny.

​Here's a thing: a have a weird humour, I Hate comedy with a capital H, and I despise nothing more than random comedic slapstick elements in an otherwise serious film. Why for heaven's sake can no one make a serious movie anymore? Argh. This film is literally titled "The end of the world" and yet there's a joke at every corner, and no it isn't a black-humoured jab at fate, it's the kind of knee-slapper that's only funny for half the time it takes, and not again afterwards. It makes me angry. Comedy has to be precise and on-point to work. There's a lot of well-placed comedy in the previous Thors and the Avengers; comedic elements that are funny even when you watch the scene a second and a third time. Now, Taika Waititi takes comedy to an entirely new level that isn't necessarily one I like. I also need to say that although I don't know him personally, he comes across as a very taxing person, taxing in a sense that his constant good spirits and giddiness and sort of bouncy energy would definitely wear out my social batteries if I had to be around him all the time. It wore out Tom Hiddleston's, as we can see in several behind the scenes footages where Taika takes to fooling around in front of the camera while poor Tom would just like to get on with his work.

​Anyway, back to the movie. Of the major things that rub me wrong is that it does have a very problematic attitude towards violence.

​It is rated for a viewing age 12 and up in my country, but I sure as hell would not let my children watch it. There are scenes that come down to nothing but random violence for…well, not even the sake of anything. Hela just skewering Fandral and Volstagg like that? What for? If it’s meant to establish an emotional connection and show just how dangerous Hela is, it fails spectacularly, because it is not given enough time, or enough emotional room. It’s just ZAP and they’re dead; if you don’t look closely you don’t even realise it’s them because they've never had a moment to being reintroduced. Half of the audience has probably already forgotten who they were.The scene with Hogun is gruesome as is the slaughtering of an entire army, and it does nothing whatsoever in terms of significance. Later on, we see many other characters just resorting to brainless mass shootings and seemingly enjoying the heck out of it. Valkyrie, Skurge, you name them. There's a very problematic message in having a character stumble off an enormous spaceship, having them fall off the gangway drunk because it looks cool, and then proceed to mow down a bunch of innocent and mostly unarmed scrappers on a trash planet.

​Now, I don’t have a problem with violence in general. I just don’t like the way it is presented here.

There were a few scenes that were actually good. 

Thor and Dr. Strange for example, even though the plot could easily have done without that sideline, and Benedict Cumberbatch is also only pouring 50% of his effort into his performance - still, it’s solid, classy acting. ​

​The scenes between Thor and Loki on Midgard in the very beginning stand out because both Hemsworth and Hiddleston are given enough time to actually act out their characters' emotions without being interrupted by a joke. I really liked the dynamics here and I wish the film would have picked up on that course.

Some of Hela’s scenes where a little background on her character is revealed were good as well, but overall I thought Cate Blanchett was alternating between gross overacting and doing minimal duty as per contract. It would have been nice to have her on screen some more, and learn a bit more about her past and her motivation. Revenge for being imprisoned by Odin? Sounds familiar. Hela, darling, how about a little talk about that with Loki over tea and biscuits? I'm sure the two of you could have shared some experience. (Also major kudos to Loki for NOT tearing into Odin like "Aha, so throwing your kids into a cell seems to be your standard educational measure, dad.")

​Anthony Hopkins was awful. He has never been good in any of the previous films, one of my main reasons for my major dislike of Odin, and I don't know if he's getting senile or what, he just was really really bad in this one. It only adds to the awful characterisation of Odin altogether. The last straw was his dealing with the Hela situation: "There's this threat that is coming for Asgard, born of one of my own mistakes, there's nothing you can do about it and I don't give a shit so bye and good luck, I guess." Good thing he disappeared, or I would personally have crawled into the TV and shoved the old man off the cliff.

​So, what little else I liked was actually any scenes with Heimdall - I wasn’t a big fan of Heimdall, ever, but he seriously kicks ass here, not only because of superb acting on Idris Elba's part but also because his scenes aren’t interrupted by hectic cuts or off the mark jokes.

​Surprisingly, Skurge’s story arc was interesting as well. Now, I don’t like Karl Urban - you've probably figured out by now that there isn't an awful lot of people that I like. Basically I think his character is rather unnecessary - why not use one of the established characters? Why not let Fandral or Hogun be torn between right and wrong? Anyway, Karl does play him well and I see why a character like that would be in there (his death though? More random, unnecessary violence).

​Bruce Banner / The Hulk really went on my nerves the entire time. The fight between he and Thor is well choreographed, but the entire sequence is too long *yawns* Some of the stuff with Thor in Hulk’s room is actually funny, but that was that. 

​And then Loki. Please prepare yourself for a rant of epic proportions.

Now, I do admit I'm biased because I love Loki; I've loved him in Norse mythology ever since I was a child. I went to study Old Norse for a bit mainly because of the Edda and Loki, and I love what Hiddleston has done with the character in these films. I also get that this is Thor: Ragnarok and not Loki: Ragnarok and that he is a supporting character just like all the others.

​That said, in the few scenes that he actually has - you don't really need Loki for what he does. Any random side character could have stolen the ship's codes, or placed Surtur's crown in the flame. That last bit was a bow to the original myth (and the comics, I suppose) where it's really Loki who releases Surtur and causes Ragnarök (which is why I -love- the 'saviour' scene because it's a reference to Loki arriving at the scene of the final battle at the helm of the ship of the dead, called Naglfar, in Norse myth). But - in the film, all in all, you don't really need Loki for all that. Valkyrie could have done it, or Heimdall, or Skurge for that matter (what a heroic plot that would have made for him!).

​And there's more to it than just lamentably little of Loki in this film. The entire film, to me, seems like a deliberate attempt to ban Loki to the background, give him as little screentime as possible, and make him look ridiculous altogether. Not only is his character basically replaceable in what he does, no - 

(I've seen quite a lot of the BTS stuff in advance, so this plays into it as well.)

Let's start with the small things:

- There's hardly any close-ups of Loki in the entire film, Norway being the one great exception (consequently, he rocks the scene).You can always see him do something in the background, but the camera is never close enough to pick up clearly on any emotions or anything. Best example is the sofa scene at the Grandmasters'. If that was shown correctly, you would be able to read the entire course of the fight from Loki's face - there's glee, there's worry, there's schadenfreude, there's hope and admiration and anger and frustration and everything you can possibly imagine he goes through, but we are shown only mushed images of it. The entire dragging long battle between Hulk and Thor would have been way more interesting if more of Loki's facial expressions had been cut into it.

- Basically all he's good for is delivering cues for Thor and being there as a projection screen for Thor's heroism.

- The camera always seems slightly out of focus; Loki is there but he's not, somewhere at the back or to the side. Even when he's meant to be in the picture, the camera frame is just this little bit out of focus or he's being filmed at a weird angle.

- Weird angles. It's a signature thing for Loki in this film. He's being filmed from behind, above, below - now don't get me wrong, it's a very interesting artistic device - and the scene where he appears before the grandmaster, filmed through the transparent floor is a masterpiece in terms of camera angle - but when it's 80% of these frames and the rest is 15% hovering in the background and 5% good, clear close-ups, it conveys a message about the filmmaker's attitude towards this character - and in Loki's case, this message is not doing him any favours. 

​- More weird stuff: time frames. As I said above, you only ever see Loki doing unimportant stuff. Sitting around talking to the Grandmaster's cronies, getting "captured" on purpose, trying to get through to Thor. We don't see him doing any kind of stiff like Thor does, nothing "heroic", we don't even see him do any significant amount of magic. The only heroic moment he has, at the very end, is again botched by off-kilter dialogue ("I'm not doing get help" just sounds soooo out of place at this moment) and weird framing. Like, Thor gets all these super-cool, physical fighting scenes, full-on frontal, kicking and punching the shit out of everyone. Again, I get that this is Thor: Ragnarok, and we also have the Hulk and Valkyrie who need their hero moments. But we do know that Loki is just as good a fighter as everyone else, he fights differently, but he's very capable of defending himself and others, as seen in Dark World. In Ragnarok, he's right there in the middle of the fight, but you never see him do anything. You see him close in on someone, cut, then you see him pull out a knife of a body or juggle his helmet or whatever, but never any real action that proves how capable he is as a fighter, not like Thor gets them all the time. You see him jump, and roll, and fall on his ass, or doing a pirouette and tossing his hair back afterwards. The focus is not on him doing his share of defending Asgard, but on how he's a weak and pathetic fighter (this post explains it with great visuals). The thing is, somewhat heroic  moments  have been filmed, but have been left out in favour of more ‘funny’ sequences.

- Talking about ridiculousness: There's a total of seven scenes where Loki falls on his ass, his face, or is somehow on the ground for some reason when it's totally not necessary. In comparison, in Dark World and Avengers, he was only ever on the ground when either defeated, or due to battle  action, not just for shit and giggles.

The one at Dr Strange actually makes me wince from the sheer impact with which he hits the floor, bouncing back two feet high in the air (can’t find the gif right now, but he does), and everyone in the cinema laughs. Actually laughs, like this is some funny one-liner. Someone's dropping from the sky and hitting the floor real hard and y'all laugh? Like no, this ain't funny at all, not to me.

​- What are these scenes actually good for? Why did the previous films set him up as a master magician who - as even Dr Strange says - is a force to be reckoned with, when everyone can just shove him to the ground like that? Why is nearly everyone suddenly more powerful than him?

- Shitty lines/shitty scenes: 'Safe passage through the anus'. Boy, it makes me cringe for poor Tom who actually had to say this shit out loud, or play stuff like the (thankfully deleted) portaloo sequence. Like, wow. I mean, I know I have a different type of humour from nearly everybody else, but this shit is just so not funny, and I really hate Taika Waititi for even including such lines and scenes in the script. I mean, I get that he favours Thor over Loki, but was that really necessary? It's so cringeworthy it makes my teeth hurt.

- (On a minor sidenote, can we talk about how it also speaks volumes that Hiddleston was given a costume that he can barely move in and that makes him visibly uncomfortable, yet no one gives a shit?)

To sum it up, I don't like how Ragnarok treats the character of Loki and ignores all of his potential in favour of cheap jokes. It says a lot if a script needs to make fun of one character in order to let its main character appear in a better light. Taika talks about how Thor's and Loki's relationship is at the focus of the film and how they finally get to resolve their problems. I'm sorry, but I don't see any of that. I don't see any brotherly moments or reconciliation or at least an attempt to make things right. And that brings me to the one character that I have the biggest problem with: Thor.

​Now, the general consensus was that Thor grows, he learns, he takes up responsibility, he has this great character development that makes him into a better man. I don't see that. What I see is a man who uses and abuses everyone in his path to achieve his own ends. He thinks he can command Valkyrie by repeatedly reminding her of her oath to the throne (the throne being a very prominent motivation for Thor, as we shall see) even when she's made clear that she gives a shit. When that doesn't work, he keeps trying to guilt-trip her, and when that doesn't work either, he fakes concern to get her attention, and once he has it, he cruelly pushes all the buttons that he knows will make her yield (basically telling her: you can either forget everything and rot on this planet, or you can do something about it and help me).

​He manipulates Banner in the same way because he needs the Hulk for his Asgard mission. I mean, telling Bruce he prefers him over Hulk, and telling Hulk he prefers him over Bruce - I get that it's meant to be funny, but when you think about it, it isn't. It's manipulative as heck and it's exactly the kind of shit he always accused Loki of: lying to get his way.

And when it comes to Thor's interactions with Loki,  he has not learned a single thing. He still treats Loki the way he always did: a scapegoat at worst, a convenience at best. In Norway, after Odin departs, Thor doesn’t hesitate to immediately accuse Loki of both Odin’s death and bringing about Hela as a consequence - as if Loki had any inkling that this was gonna happen. He wouldn’t be so stupid as to bring destruction to Asgard on purpose, remember it’s the only home he ever truly knew, so even if he did let things slip while posing as Odin, he surely never meant for Hela and Ragnarok to happen. He was just as surprised about the Hela revelation that Thor was, and as for Odin’s death - I doubt that this was intended. Especially since we still don’t know xactly how Loki got rid of Odin, but if he’d wanted to kill him, he could certainly have done so while Odin was weak and defenseless, but he didn’t - he just wanted him out of the way, not dead. Yet Thor completely assumes Loki is to blame for all of it, and as a consequence he falls back into his abusive treatment of his brother.

Yes, all I see is an abusive sibling who purposefully manipulates his mentally unstable younger brother. He knows what Loki has been through in the past; moreover, he has heard from Odin himself just how everyone in this family was played and lied to. He has seen what that did to Loki in the past. Thor knows exactly what's at the core of his brother's mind: the ambition to gain his family's approval, a fear of being abandoned, a deep-rooted sense of worthlessness and the ever-prominent desire to impress his older brother. Of course Loki sucks at saying all this out loud, and Thor probably doesn't know the full extent of the damage, but after the events of Avengers and Dark World he must at least have an inkling of what's going on inside that mind. 

​And yet he goes ahead and uses all of Loki's greatest fears against him:

"Our paths diverged a long time ago" - no they didn't, he just never let Loki catch up to him.

"It's what you always wanted" (never seeing each other again) - have you even paid attention to your brother, you big fool?

"But you, you stay the same", "you could be so much more" etc. - and being what, exactly? Thor's thrall, tagging along behind him, helping out when shit hits the fan, and otherwise keeping his mouth shut? To Thor, Loki is only acceptable when he behaves like Thor wants him to. He fails to see that it's Loki who's forced to change more than anyone else. He was forced to change almost first thing after being born, from a Jötun baby to an Aesir one just to please his new father. He's constantly forced to change to adapt to everyone's expectations: Odin's, Frigga's, Thor's own. And when he refuses to play along, he's the one at fault.

​There are two scenes in Ragnarok in particular that I find hard to watch in respect of Thor's abusive qualities. First, the elevator scene /Get Help.

​Loki tells Thor no three times, he even gives him a reason why he doesn't want to do Get Help (which, considering Loki and his difficulties to express emotion, to Thor no less, is a big deal). I don’t know about y’all, but if my sibling told me they found something humiliating, which is several steps up the uncomfortable scale from "I just don't like it", I would never force them into it. Thor has to respect his brother's feelings and stop right there. A no is a no, even from Loki, even in this situation, especially considering how the entire move is nonsense after all - but Thor doesn't stop. He disrespects his brother's wishes, he ignores Loki's feelings, and what's worse, he even belittles him for it and laughs it off: No, for me it's not.

​Yes, well, Thor baby, guess what? It's not always about you.

Even worse is the taser/obedience disk scene. It makes me physically cringe. And I will happily fist-punch everyone who tries to tell me it's just "a joke" or "friendly sibling barter" or wasn't "meant to hurt Loki" or that Thor "didn't know". I'm sorry, but nope.

​Thor knows exactly what the obedience disc does, how it hurts. He has absolutely NO reason to use it on Loki. Loki has been playing along to his plans, he has even tried to offer Thor an explanation and a possible way out, but at that time Thor decided to throw a tantrum and sulk. Did he really think Loki would go through with that half-arsed attempt of collecting the 'reward' for Thor's capture from the Grandmaster, when just some hours before Loki has told Thor that he Grandmaster is a lunatic and that he basically wants to leave Sakaar just as bad as Thor does? Did Thor even listen??? Not to mention that there never was a 'reward' promised by the Grandmaster; instead a threat of public execution looms over Loki if he fails, so the reward he speaks of is possibly, once again, getting away with his life (while using the time this buys him to come up with a means of escape).

​There was no reason at all to place the taser disc on Loki and leave him there - besides, Thor must have planned to use the disk even before he could be sure Loki was going to betray him, so it was Thor's plan all along to leave his brother there for whatever sick reason. How could he be so sure Loki would find a way to free himself? How could he be sure the rebels would be the ones to find Loki, and not the Grandmaster, or Topaz, or any of the hundreds of guards that swarm the place? Not to mention that time passes differently on Sakaar, so who knows how long Loki lay there writhing in agony. Thor walking off telling him "Good luck, I guess" while his brother is in obvious physical pain, and at the mercy of a crazy dictator, is the ultimate cruelty. But the throne is always more important, eh?

​How could Thor be sure Loki would follow him to Asgard and come to his aid? Seriously, Loki could just have taken that ship and flown to the other end of the universe for all he cared. He's the only Asgardian on a ship full of refugees, he has no reason at all to help Thor, not after the taser disc and the general way Thor treated him, and YET he comes after his big brother because he desperately seeks Thor's approval, and Thor knew that and manipulated his brother into exactly this behaviour back there in the elevator.

​And does Loki get a thank you? Not even! All he gets is a flippant "You're late" (everyone who tells me that's 'friendly sibling banter' again must have a truly fucked up relationship with their sibling), and then he's being ordered off to the vault to basically perform an act that could cost his life, without Thor even wasting a second thought to it. Well, we've already seen in Dark World how little Thor cares for Loki, as he just leaves his dead little brother behind to rot on a foreign planet. Doesn't even send anyone to come and collect the body or something. Doesn't even seem to care in Ragnarok whether Loki has made it out of Asgard alive or not (does he check frantically if his brother is aboard as they float off into space? No...but hey look, there's a throne, and people call him majesty, so all is grand).

​Not even the "I'm here" scene does anything for their relationship. How often does Loki have to prove that he will sacrifice himself for Thor, and how often does he get nothing in return but accusations ("You faked your death!", "You killed our father!"), dubious compliments ("Maybe there's some good left in you") or at the most Thor throwing him a bone of approval: "Maybe you're not so bad after all" instead of "Thanks for saving our arses".

​So, is this 'growing'? Is this 'mature'? Has Thor learned one single thing that makes him a better character? I don't think so. He takes up right where his father left, caring only for his throne, and manipulating his brother just the way Odin has always done. Yes, he became a little less uptight, and yes there's the new Thor who's sassy, nonchalant, doesn't give a fuck, doesn't let himself be played by his brother's schemes. I love the way Chris Hemsworth is playing this new Thor as opposed to the previous films. It's fun to watch him finally fill this role with a bit of spice. I really really like this new Thor. The problem is, I like how the new Thor is, but not what he does.

​All in all, I think what happened was that Taika and Chris Hemsworth decided it was time to put the focus on Thor and make his character the center of the plot - which is fine, with it being Thor: Ragnarok and all, but why does it have to be at the expense of another great character that could have been used in so many other, different, better ways for the plot? I think they tried deliberately to shift a bit of Loki's coolness and cunning to Thor who, let's face it, has been a rather one-dimensional character in the previous films.

​What I'm going to say now is unpopular, and probably mean, but it's the vibe I'm getting from day one since I started watching any Thor movies and BTS and interviews: All of this ties in nicely with Chris Hemsworth coming across as borderline jealous of Hiddleston and the success he gained for his portrayal of the Loki character, who was never supposed to steal Thor's spotlight. It's a shame Taika Waititi rolled with it in Ragnarok and actively added to this fiasco by way of bad filmmaking.

​On a final personal note: Just yesterday before watching the film I wrote a little scene post-Ragnarok where Thor finally gets to understand everything that bothers Loki, and finds a way to comfort his brother in a very gentle, caring way, because that was what I understood Thor had finally learned: true compassion, the ability to understand, the motivation to go and make up for every time he was a shitty sibling in the past. I can't see that now, not anymore after watching this film, not after what Thor has been made into and how he treats Loki :(

I'm sorry this got so long. I'll disappear for a while now and see if I can manage to un-watch this movie. Thanks for reading/listening.

[orionsangel86]

12x19 - Episode Review - Intimacy, Love, Faith and mixtapes

What can I even say about this episode? Since my first watch I have been going around with a goofy grin on my face while thinking of nothing but mixtapes and intimate touches between two people who love each other so dearly that even the most stringent heteronormative people must be side eyeing the show thinking “that’s kinda gay”. When I try to think about the actual plot of the episode though and what will come of this in the finale? Well, I am a bit lost… though I do have some ideas. I can’t say I am entirely thrilled by the plot structure this season. Hence my long tumblr absences as well as limited thoughts and meta since 12x12. There is too much going on, too many stories which don’t seem to have any real connection. Also Lucifer really pisses me off as a character now and every time he is on screen I roll my eyes.

This episode wasn’t up there with the likes of 12x10 and 12x12 for quality. Then again as soon as the story turns back to Kelly and her unborn Satan spawn I do find it hard to stay switched on, but the destiel this episode was glorious and gave me a lot of hope for where Dabb intends to take this. Am I still annoyed that we are lacking Cas so much this half season? Yes. Very. The fact that he doesn’t return until the finale pisses me off to no end, I will most likely disappear again after writing this review and not comment on the episodes leading up to the finale unless Dean suddenly decides to jump out of the closet and hit on handsome bisexual Max next week as a rebound for all the rejection he suffered in 12x19. (honestly I am praying to the TV Gods that Max takes a liking to Dean and we get a good helping of Gay to get us through our Cas withdrawal symptoms).

Without any further rambling however here is my review of 12x19.

It gets long down there under the cut…

Take this mixtape for my heart… complete with kisses and songs about you

The best part about this episode? Destiel. Oh boy the destiel. It was so gloriously gay. I can’t even imagine how the antis and non-shippers are feeling about this! I am so very full of joy and glee about this!

We know from the opening sequence that Dean has been pining for Cas and worrying about Cas for a while now, but the glorious moment when Cas walks into the Bunker and Dean looks up at him is just…

Oh how very dramatic. The might as well have put him in soft focus and had a swell of romantic music as his lover returned home from war… seriously. But then all the DeanCas shots in this episode are framed so romantically/intimately. Kudos to Amanda Tapping for just getting it. (then again she was present during the most heartbreaking DeanCas scene of all time the crypt scene and therefore I have no doubt that she is very much aware of Destiel and its importance.

Once again this shot escalates into an argument between Dean and Cas that Sam is stuck in the middle of. I seriously love how this has continued throughout season 12. Sam is the poor third wheel stuck in the middle whilst his brother and brother in law have a lovers tiff.  

We get another classic confused kinda bitch face from Sam when Dean snaps at him because he dares to be nice to Cas…

Seriously we have now built up a nice collection of Sam bitchfaces and knowing looks when he is stuck having to deal with these two once again. Poor Sam. Let him save the day and get a dog and marry Eileen so he can finally get some PEACE! :P

“Not only were you ditching us you were ignoring us”.

“What the hells wrong with you man?”

We have a LOT of call backs to previous seasons in this episode. I mean A LOT of call backs. This one particularly was quite interesting as it threw us right back into Purgatory:

“I prayed to you Cas, every night”

“I know.”

“You know and you didn’t… What the hell’s wrong with you?”

So what does this mean? Already we have a call back to the start of season 8, which then lead to a whole story arc where Cas was brainwashed by the angels and ended with Dean managed to break through that brainwashing with the power of… platonic friendship pfft.

Doesn’t bode well for the end of this episode though does it?

Now we need to talk about the mixtape. Yes I know this has probably already been meta’d to death on tumblr. Yes I am sure some of you are sick of it (though be honest.. you aren’t really sick of it now are you? I know how long the “I love you” conversations lasted for after 12x12 aired so shut it and enjoy my meta thoughts too. :P )

Cas follows Dean back to his room (for the privacy of course – also note that he doesn’t feel he needs to explain himself to SAM) under the pretense of returning a mixtape that Dean gave him. My first though before we even GET to the subject of Dean giving Cas a mixtape in the first place, is why Cas is using the return of this very romantic gesture at all. Even with his knowledge of pop culture, I don’t think Cas realises the importance of giving someone a mixtape, hence him thinking he needed to return it in the first place. It was in no way a rejection from Cas (like he could reject Dean pfft). But Dean clarified that it was a gift anyway. Oh but can we just pause again and store this to fandom memory forever and ever?

DEAN WINCHESTER GAVE CASTIEL A MIXTAPE

And isn’t that the most beautiful, innocent, loving gesture that for these two macho manly gruff heros its almost too much to bare! Dean Winchester is such a fucking teddybear deep down I can’t quite stand it. Argh I love him so much for this moment!

So lets talk about this mixtape some more because I can’t get enough:

“Dean’s top 13 Zepp Traxx”

Except that’s not exactly what it says. Why two Xs rather than the correct spelling? Why the slight spacing between the “TRA” and the “XX”? Why, if you are spelling “Tracks” the ‘cool’ way would you not shorten it to “Trax” why two Xs unless those Xs also had a separate meaning loosly hidden in the spelling?

Basically those Xs are also ‘kisses’ and no one can tell me otherwise.

Isn’t that just a perfect mini metaphor for destiel itself though? The main text reading is that Dean has spelt the word the slang way, using the Xs as a fun way to spell the word only. Nothing suspicious here, totally platonic.

And yet everyone knows that Xs also mean kisses. Everyone.

The romantic message is hidden in the label. It isn’t totally obvious at first, but it is once you put it together with the general meaning of a mixtape.

Speaking of, for all you kiddies out there who haven’t lived in the age before CDs, ipods and MP3s, giving someone a mixtape has a HUGE meaning to it. It is also, without a doubt, always romantic.

I am sure that by the time I post this, the mixtape will have been meta’d to death on tumblr and you will all be flailing about it anyway… I know I was as soon as I first watched the episode. This is a big moment. No. Seriously. Friends don’t give friends mixtapes. People who love people and people who have major crushes on people give people mixed tapes. It is always always romantic in its meaning.

If we try to look for a platonic reading to this, perhaps Dean didn’t make this tape for Cas, perhaps its one he had lying around already (though the Xs kinda throw that reading out). Even so, it is still a mixtape that Dean made at some point and then gave to Cas. This is the canon. I just wish we could have seen the moment Dean gave it to him (probably shoved it at him with a gruff “here, you need to listen to some real music” whilst desperately trying and failing to stop himself blushing. I LOVE this and I wanna read that fanfiction.

To make this whole thing even more romantic. Dean confirms it himself. There is no denying it. “It’s a gift. You keep those” this wasn’t just something that Dean had lying around that Cas picked up and asked to borrow, it wasn’t something Dean just shoved at him and said “You need to listen to some decent music, take this” and didn’t think about it any more. Dean put thought into it because it was a gift specifically for Cas.

If only Cas had actually realised that fact. Though I will talk more about Cas’s continued unknowing rejection of Dean this episode a bit later… first this shot:

Its beautiful, and you all know me and my hand obsession in SPN. Hands have meaning. They are important. They leave a print. There is always intimacy in moments like this. The way Dean and Cas exchange touches throughout this season always brings me joy. This moment is no different.

I have decided to make a separate post about hands in this episode because I am a nerd who got super excited about all these beautiful close up hand shots that have such a massive significance. Anyway, back to the mixtape…

Ultimately, there was no plot related reason for the mixtape scene. Other than to give Cas an excuse to come find Dean… which he had anyway? To apologise and try to clear the air (and also to find the Colt) so… why the mixtape? Why even bring it into the show if not to emphasise Dean and Cas’s relationship and the romantic nature of it that is now more than heavily implied. After a previous one sided love confession how is ANYONE supposed to read their relationship as anything other than inherintly romantic?

Cas’s quiet “Oh” just infuriates me because REALLY CAS? You didn’t KNOW what that meant? Urgh. I mean, yeah okay so he never has been very good with the whole social conventions and stuff like that but still. Then Dean just goes and does something which makes me love him even more. He starts a conversation. Oh boy how he has grown. Communication is key and Dean FINALLY seems to be understanding this.

“Cas, you can’t… with everything that’s going on you can’t just go dark like that”

Interesting. Dark like Superman going darkside yeah? We are back to 6x20. We are seriously getting flashbacks to Destiel’s greatest hits in the space of a few minutes here. Also, this whole conversation is just so freaking intimate in the way it is shot, the dark moody lighting, the way both actors are speaking relatively softly compared to their usual gruff tones and just the sheer weight of emotion in Dean’s face.

Its forcing the viewer to get up close and personal with Dean’s feelings here. Forcing them to really consider how much he is hurting and therefore forcing them to ask the question WHY. Why does this make me, as a viewer, feel like I am intruding? Is this a common shot composition for friendly conversations between platonic friends?!? Um. Nope. Hence this ENTIRE SCENE SCREAMS ROMANCE. And also, sadly, betrayal.

At least we get an explanation from Cas. The thing is, we see Dean’s POV most of the time, therefore we don’t really get to understand Cas’s reasons for doing things, but this episode he does get a chance to justify his actions, and as expected, it all comes back to Dean…

“I needed to come back here with a win for you… for myself”

Because Cas has failed so much, is still suffering from depression (though it hasn’t been brought back into maintext for a while now) and is so conflicted on where he is supposed to be going nowadays. He has lost his mission, he has no riteous path, and no faith… and this episode is all about faith when you get down to it… faith and fate, destiny and hope for the future… though not from the right place (and we are now back even further – in season 5.) and Dean is desperate to get him back on track but still doesn’t really say the right things.

“We will find a better way”

“You mean we?” *gestures to the both of them

“Yes, dumbass, we.”

Dean is still having to clarify for Cas that he is part of their family and that they want him around. Cas still doesn’t get it, because even if Dean thinks he is being clear, he really isn’t. Not to someone who has struggled with their self worth, struggled with depression and feelings of total worthlessness. It will take far more than some words about the three of them to get Cas to realise just how much Dean cares. Remember folks, from Cas’s perspective, he has confessed his love and hasn’t heard it back. He didn’t a get a “I love you too” or even a “we love you too”. Just a “we ain’t leaving you behind”. Which is easy to explain away as the Winchesters not wanting people to die on their watch. The Winchesters always try to save people, meaning Cas isn’t any more special than any other random civilian who the Winchesters wouldn’t leave to die… when you think about it from Cas’s perspective, its still a bit of a kick in the teeth.  

“You, me… and Sam. We’re just better together” Again, Dean isn’t quite giving Cas what he needs? The pause, then the added “and Sam” just takes us right back to the beer run in 11x23 and Cas’s dissapointment, It becomes easy to understand Cas’s motivations when you look at it from a destiel perspective and consider that he has been rejected and continuously referred to as a third wheel to the brother dynamic. In Cas’s mind, Dean doesn’t return his feelings, and by not understanding the implications of a mixtape as a gift, nor the extent to which Dean would go to forgive him, Cas continues down his path of destruction and takes the Colt. They may be communication, but they aren’t really communicating. Its such a classic romance trope and I’m pulling my hair out STILL over these two.

“Lets go Team Free Will”. Could the callbacks to previous seasons be any more obvious? Now we really are in season 5 and in the past 5 minutes have travelled back through the greatest hits of destiel. From Purgatory guilt, Season 6 betrayal and now season 5 loss of faith. These are the major themes of 12x19. Cas is stuck in a cycle of self destruction. Where will this end for him?  

The next scene with Dean and Sam discussing Sam’s theories and the grace extraction as a potential solution just proves how far they have come. Its no longer “how do we kill the thing” but “how do we stop the thing from being evil without resorting to violence?” I call this the “Amara Effect” and I am very happy about this. Anyway, what I really wanna talk about here is just how happy Dean was to finally have a solution and how his FIRST THOUGHT was “I’ll get Cas”. Like he just wanted Cas to be there to work with them on this together. He really did mean what he said to Cas in his room. My heart breaks for him when he realises Cas is gone.

However can we please just take a moment to be so fucking thankful that FINALLY IT IS CANON THAT CAS HAS A ROOM IN THE BUNKER!!

This is CAS’s ROOM! CASTIEL HAS A ROOM AT THE BUNKER. Number 15 to be exact. 3 doors down from Dean. (yes I know this was also the number of the room used by Mary apparantly earlier on in this season but clearly Cas stays there because why else would Dean have gone to this random room to look for him and not the kitchen or the archives hmm?)

LOOK AT THE HEARTBREAK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE REALISES CAS IS GONE AGAIN

Oh Dean. It is such a common trope though. Just when he thinks he has the person he loves back by his side again, they are gone. We really are back to season 8 here with Cas being the one rejecting Dean. (please lets not forget that the extent of the rejection for the past three seasons has been on Dean with Cas holding the torch for destiel and it is only now that we are finally experiencing the brunt of the shift back to Dean.) This episode is by FAR the most romantic we have had so far in terms of destiel in the past FOUR seasons. The only episodes that really surpass it are 6x20 and 8x17 (though 12x10 is a close contender). This is being written, and shot as a romance and my gosh I love it. Poor Dean.

THEN we get further justification for Cas’s actions. I know that this episode hasn’t really done him any favours for painting him as a bit of a villain and I know that the Cas haters will have a field day with his treatment of the Winchesters, but we are getting solid explanations for his actions here, and they all point back to Cas’s love for the Winchesters, his love for Dean…

“I am doing this for the Winchesters. I stole the Colt to keep them out of this mission”

“I will kill this girl, so that Sam and Dean won’t have to.”

Because that really is love, Cas would do the dirty work to spare Sam and Dean the pain of having to do something that could traumatise them further. Cas is doing this so that they won’t have to suffer that. He is doing it to protect them, because he loves them. I swear to god if I see a single post from a cas hater trying to paint him as a villain who doesn’t care I will be all over it. They have NOTHING to back up their arguments.

It is of course, the same tune that Cas is singing again and again. This is the reason behind ALL of his motivations. Its always about the Winchesters. Its not about his reputation, glory, praise, its not even about saving the world. Its about sparing Sam and Dean from doing something horrible. He just wants them to have the peace and freedom they taught him was so important back in freaking season FOUR. I won’t be holding his decisions in this episode against him, because I think Dabb has a very clear idea of where Cas is going with his story arc, and its all about emphasising what is truly important to him, what Cas basically lives for now. Yeah, he needed the win. He needs to put a stop to something that could potentially destroy the world, but his true reasons for doing it are spelt out in this episode.

Coming back to Sam and Dean, the conversation about the Colt:

“How did Cas even get the Colt out of the safe in the first place?”

“…”

“Dean, you put the colt back in the safe right? Dean?”

“… it was under my pillow… I like to keep it close.”

“He came into my room and he played me.”

“He played us both.”

What I love about this exchange, is that until this moment we don’t know where Cas got the Colt from. He could have just broken into the safe, or he could have got it from where Dean previously kept it under the table in the library. But they chose to have him steal it from under Dean’s pillow. Once again there is added intimacy to a scene where really, the intimacy is unecessary for the plot. When you start to put together all the choices that the writer and director made for this episode, it becomes really difficult to see it from a persective that doesn’t involve Destiel.

Yes, we know in the previous scene that Dean left Cas alone in his room, but the way Dean acts when he owns up to Sam that it was stolen from under his pillow makes it sound like it WASN’T innocent. “Cas came into my room and distracted me and manipulated me enough to find and steal the colt from under my pillow.” It just stinks of sexual subtext and it makes the betrayal that much worse. As I said before, this is 6x20 all over again. But this time its even MORE personal BECAUSE of everything they have been through since then and just how much they have admitted to each other including a bloody love confession and a mixtape. The theft from under the pillow of all places only adds a sexual layer to that heap of intimate subtext. Am I saying they had sex? No. I am not saying this. What I am saying is that having Cas steal the Colt from under Dean’s pillow rather than from a safe or from another safe place adds a layer of intimacy that was not previously necessary. It makes the theft a bigger violation of Dean’s trust than stealing it from the safe, it makes the betrayal a lovers betrayal rather than the betrayal of a friend in the subtext. (I’m not sure if I’m explaining this well, but hopefully you all get the general idea).

Basically, it is another point to add to the list of things in this episode that show that Dean and Cas’s relationship is romantic rather than platonic at this stage (even if textually it isn’t… its how they both act and feel around each other and emphasises how their feelings for each other are NOT PLATONIC.)

As always, at this stage, if you are still struggling to see a destiel reading, consider the same scene but with Sam rather than Dean. Would it work the same way? Have the same impact? How about instead, just considering WHY this never happens to Sam? Why Dean gets the emotional close up with the sweeping string music whilst staring longlingly into Castiel’s empty bedroom and not Sam. Why its Dean that runs off to get Cas, why its Dean’s pillow that Cas stole the Colt from under, why its Dean that gave him the mixtape, and not Sam.

Then we get shots like THIS:

Which lets be honest, are oozing with sexual tension. I was discussing with @godshipsit about how when I first watched this scene, my heart kinda skipped a beat and I was stunned for a second into thinking “this is how they will go canon” (not in this exact scene in this episode of course, but it will be like this when it finally happens. Because I can picture this shot, I can picture the frustration between them and Dean just deciding enough is enough and taking that final step forward and just kissing his dumbass angel so that he finally gets it) The framing of the shot again is beautifully done, the circle around them, framing them and also making the viewer feel like once again they are spying on them. Yes Dean is angry, but Cas is letting him manhandle him up against a wall. Remember he is an angel, he could easily stand his ground, but he doesn’t. He lets Dean get out his frustration here. Lets Dean be threatening. Notice how Sam doesn’t ever react in such a way. Because its not really how friends react is it?

Okay so Dean and Cas have a volatile relationship, that sometimes leads to moments like this which could be viewed as violent or even dare I say ‘abusive’ and gosh wouldn’t the anti’s have a field day with that. But think about romantic tropes for a second, the old hollywood types. Its never friends that get angry and have moments like this that are shot in such a way, but lovers? Having lovers tiffs? Yeah, this is common. The fighting, the pinning against a wall, the staring into each others eyes trying to stand their ground? Its classic sexual tension. Dean doesn’t hurt Cas in this scene remember. Cas doesn’t hurt Dean either. Not physically. The only reason that Cas hurts Dean emotionally is because he doesn’t realise how much Dean cares about him. He knows he is betraying his friends, he knows he is doing wrong in terms of a friendship but views his actions as justified to keep them safe. From a romantic perspective Cas has not yet grasped just how much he is emotionally hurting Dean at this point – because Dean hasn’t yet given him reason to believe he is hurting him this much – though he makes it pretty obvious from the audiences perspective.

Then if we hadn’t already had it spelled out to us again Cas once again gives us his reasons:

“I wanted to keep you out of this, I was trying to keep you safe”

“this is my responsibility”

The writers are constantly trying to remind the audience that Cas’s reasons are always about the Winchesters. There isn’t a selfish bone in his body. He may be jepardising his relationship with them, but to him the end justifies the means. Cas wants the Winchesters kept safe, so his betrayal makes sense to him. Like I have said before. It is season 6 all over again. I just hope it ends differently.

I have to give Dean major kudos here though for being the most understanding boyfriend on the planet, because even after Kelly and Cas steal his beloved Impala he STILL is able to stick up for Cas

“He’s so desperate for a win now he can’t even see straight”

In case the viewers weren’t aware already that Cas is SO NOT THE BAD GUY HERE, Dean spells it out for us in his own words. Yeah, he’s pissed, but he is still able to see Cas’s POV, he gets it, he still cares, still wants to be there for him. I am sure there is some awesome symbolic meaning behind him fixing Cas’s truck up for him as well. If the way Dean fixing up the Impala is supposed to symbolise him healing his own soul, fixing up Cas’s truck has got to also symbolise him fixing Cas. Dean will be there for Cas when he comes back, like he always does.

Dean has come so far this season. His development, his ability to see other peoples POV, his distaste for lies and his slow deconstruction of his ‘performing Dean’ mask. I just adore how far Dean has come, and I can’t wait to see more of this. Dean is being forgiving, he is understanding, he is communicating and I think it is wonderful, really. Not just for destiel, but for his own health and state of mind, and for all the other characters he interacts with.

Moving past the epic finale with baby lucifer taking control of Cas to destroy Dagon, I need to talk about this scene:

Because yeah, something is wrong with Cas, but he was still himself enough to show this level of care and consideration to Dean. The gentle “you’re hurt” and this gorgeous and intimate (again the intimacy in the shots this episode has me majorly fangirling at Amanda Tappin’s excellent direction) caress as he heals him. Dean doesn’t get a standard tap on the forehead or glowy hand hovering a few inches above an injury. Nope. Dean gets gentle, intimate caresses as he is healed. Because Dean is and always will be special to Cas.

Dean won’t let Cas leave, even after everything Cas has done this episode, he still worries about him and argues to stay with him

“Whatever that thing did to you we’re not just gonna let you walk away” Dean knows that Cas isn’t right, he knows that he can’t leave him now. Dean has been down this road before, and that whole speech about faith and the baby well, it just brought back major 8x17 feels to be honest. It sounded like Cas talking about the angel tablet all over again. That was after the brainwashing was broken remember? More on that in a bit.

Basically, this episode was full of destiel moment and I am a big heap of emotional mess thanks to it. Nevertheless, there is more to talk about than just the glorious destieliciousness of this episode (yes that is totally a word).

Therefore, let’s consider what we learned about:

Lucifer’s Baby, Faith and the Future

The fact that this episode started out so darkly, immediately screamed to me that it was not going to end well either, or that any of this was going to end well. Kelly was so very lost to the point that she killed herself. A striking visual for the viewer, and one that is all too common in TV and film nowadays. Kelly couldn’t cope with what her baby would become, and so resorted to taking her own life and the life of the baby instead.

Honestly this is the first episode that I have actually liked Kelly’s character. It feels like the first time she has had any real depth and personality (which is fitting since its also the first time she has been written by a writer other than the terrible duo).

The baby saves her though of course, since it is half angel and therefore has the power of grace to heal her. This shouldn’t be surprising to anyone who understands angels but Kelly treats it as a miracle. She has a change of heart and suddenly we are on the “faith” path.

I think that Cas was probably always going to bond with Kelly after this scene. It may still only be buried in the subtext, but we have had enough call backs to season 8 this episode to make us remember that very heart breaking moment in 8x08 when Cas admitted to Dean that he might kill himself. Cas has been suicidal in the past. With everything he has been through, it’s no wonder he couldn’t go through with killing Kelly.

Whilst I don’t think that the baby will be quite the great evil that Dagon thinks it will be, I have no doubt in my mind that it has Lucifer-like tendencies to manipulate and that at this point its main concern is its own survival. I don’t think it is inherently evil, but still:

“Every sad weak human, every tight ass angel, every snivelling demon, they’ll all be consumed.”

Doesn’t this all seem very Amara-like to you? Because honestly the use of the word ‘consumed’ kinda throws big Amara signs my way. But surely not because we did this story last season. (see this is why the Lucifer baby story annoys me). Anyway, the stories are really similar. The Angels all want this baby dead, so they go to great lengths to kill it, only Cas can’t do it because hes’ Cas and he may talk a big game but killing innocents hasn’t been his thing since well… Jesse… and that is yet another time they basically did this freaking story.

As I mentioned though, Kelly gets through to Cas because of their similar experiences with desiring suicide and feeling hopeless. They are both mirrored this episode as feeling lost and hopeless and therefore vulnerable and easy to manipulate. Isn’t that always the way the devil gets to you? Isn’t that exactly what Lucifer did to Cas last year?

The whole conversation about faith and destiny is very season 5 and is very intentional in an episode that has already used the phrase “team free will” to refer to Sam, Dean and Cas. Other things in this episode that seem kinda pointless on the surface but must have some deeper meaning include the death of Joshua. Why bring him back for all of one episode only to kill him like that? Unless of course he was simply there to remind the viewer of something? Just like the mentioning of “team free will” even though honestly why Dean would say such a thing to Cas who was unconscious the first time he said it? This isn’t just fanservice. This is to take the viewer right back to season 5 and the BIG theme of that season. Free Will, Freedom and Choice are far more important than destiny and fate, and that faith can come from all kinds of different sources.

The last episode where we met Joshua was Dark Side of the Moon. The episode where Castiel lost his faith. Since then, Castiel has had only one real source of faith: the Winchesters. Yes he has been lost and low and broken over the years but he has always had one overall believe, and that is the Winchesters and what they do. In the same episode where we see a massive increase in Destiel subtext and Pining!Dean we  also see the return of Joshua for all of two seconds and Dean trying so hard to get through to Cas, to convince him that the three of them work best together, but Cas still doesn’t get it, doesn’t see it, because Dean hasn’t given him the real reasons, hasn’t spelled it out for him the way Cas did to Dean in 12x12. There has been no obvious love confession from Dean. So Cas is still lost, still wondering, still without a guiding light to bring him home.

Hence he is an easy target for the creepy baby to come and take him as its personal protector. By the end of the episode, Castiel is not our Cas. Not the Cas that chooses the Winchesters anyway. Not the Cas that chooses love over all else. This is a Cas who is reminiscent of Cas when he held the angel tablet and it spoke to his angel coding and told him to keep it safe at all costs. This isn’t brainwashing as such, not the way Naomi brainwashed him, or Rowena cast a spell on him, or Lucifer possessed him. This is a Cas that is vulnerable and in desperate need of a mission to keep him preoccupied to stop him from feeling utterly worthless because he couldn’t bring Dean a “win”. That baby latched on to those feelings, and convinced Cas that he was the best chance of a better future.

The fact that both Kelly and Cas had these yellow eyes is clear proof that this is NOT GOOD. Okay so they still have their pupils in tact unlike the Princes of Hell, but it is still yellow and it still came with that unsettling sound effect that was always associated with Azazel (and then brought back for Ramiel). The baby may not be “evil” in the literal sense, but it is not a good thing. It will not be born and be the “savior”.

Castiel and faith do not go together. When you give Castiel faith in anything that isn’t a Winchester, well, its just not done. This won’t be good. Especially when the words “The Future” were heard over this shot:

Isn’t that ominous. Castiel may have come back to his senses enough to gently heal Dean’s injury (proving that our real Cas is still in there somewhere – always thinking of Dean when he is hurt) but real Cas would NOT just leave Dean and Sam lying on the ground vulnerable outside the ENTRANCE TO HEAVEN AND ALL THOSE ANGELS THAT HATE THEM. WHAT THE FUCK? Yeah so not good basically.

Whatever the future that the baby showed Cas was, it seemed to please him. Now, since it showed Kelly the real future that we saw in this episode then it must have been somewhat real, it also had to be something that was enough motivation to give Cas his faith back… but what could that possibly be? A world without SPN creatures? A world in which Sam and Dean have the peace they deserve? Safety? A life outside of hunting? What else could possibly motivate Cas to go along with this babies ‘plan’ if not something to help the Winchesters?

I’m still unconvinced that this will be anything but bad and that Castiel has been shown a lie. Either that, or this is how they tie the whole thing into the BMOL plot where they want to get rid of all spn creatures as well… even though Sam and Dean are also against them (or will be once they realise the extent of their crazy fascism).

All I can hope is that Dabb knows where he is going with this. The emotional plot seems to be far stronger than the actual story line this year. Which is great in one way, but I still feel we are lacking structure, and I cannot see how this is gonna end. I kinda want to believe that Dabb has decided to let Cas get sort of brainwashed again just so he can have another go at the Crypt Scene (and get it RIGHT this time) because really what else is gonna break Cas out of this weird kind of semi-controlled state? Other than Dean’s love? Why else would they ramp up the subtext to 11 in the same episode that Cas loses his own free will if not to prove to us that Dean will yet again be the key to his freedom?

Overall

The Destiel was great, the plot kinda meh, I have no idea where this baby plot is going and if we get a repeat of season 11s baby Amara plot I’ll be pissed. If Lucifer doesn’t die in the finale I’ll be pissed (I want Cas to hold him down whilst Sam kills him). Fingers crossed for a Crypt Scene but with a canon confession of love from Dean far greater than 8x17s “I need you”. After all, he has been shedding so much of his performance mask, trying so hard to be honest, to accept other people into his life… he is opening himself to vulnerability and accepting that it is okay to do – even when those people hurt him… Dean is learning to be emotionally healthy and really, this route can only end in him doing the one thing he has always struggled to do. The return of his mother this season has only emphasised this. Bearing in mind she is the only person he has ever said the words to before. Could we be on track to getting a confession of love from Dean to Cas? Isn’t it about time? After this episode, I actually think it’s a possibility.

I hate that Cas is not himself again. It breaks my heart. I imagine a lot of people see this as a regression, and I am trying not to. He needs to learn that there are other ways. The difference is that now Dean knows the reasons why Cas is like this. Cas did use his words to explain his reasons quite clearly, so Dean understood. Dean just needs to figure out the key to getting Cas to see things from his POV.

This episode had many great points in it. Obviously the destiel was glorious. The camera work and framing and composition and direction were also fantastic. I hope Amanda comes back and directs again. The one word I will use to describe this episode is “intimate”. Because half the time I felt like I was watching very private moments between characters and I don’t usually feel that way. It was really well put together. I do hope it all comes together by season end, though I am still not too sure. Either way, I liked this episode, even with the baby plot and Lucifer turning up in the middle there. It was satisfying. I’ll give it a 8/10 for how it made me feel after my first watch.

[anangelicday-mrwolf]

Wolfsbane : Noblesse Fanfic (post-ending)

(previous chapter)

Chapter 57 – The Turning Point

Bam!!!!!

Arrived a new challenger to the brawl staged upon Lukedonian shoreline, between the world’s most malicious spear and living shields endeavoring to protect their homeland.

Her presence embodied the blazing sun that has descended upon the battlefield.

In fact, Lunark’s entire body was blazing with blood-red aura, which gave the audience an impression that their own flesh and bones were caught in fire.

The scene was audaciously impressive enough, but they could not resist leaving a comment at the sight, for the same reason several few seconds ago, when they beheld the crimson photopillar upon the sea.

“Lady Lunark...?”

“But... This aura must be...”

“Did you get that power from...”

Lunark also knew – no, she was certain what this power is.

To whom this power would have originally belonged.

Whose voice she was talking to back in the sea.

“I don’t believe this is the most appropriate time or situation to discuss the matter.”

Every eye sharpened at Lunark’s pregnant remark.

“Very well, then.”

“We will gladly help you and...”

“No. Leave this to me, and y’all go look after the injured.”

Seira and Regis stiffened in the course of lifting the Death Scythe and gripping the Legasus, respectively, to instead gape at the werewolf.

“I have a plan. I’ll explain later. Now go. Please.”

Lunark’s speech was rushed, as if there was something troubling her within.

All heads of clans, stationed ready for a fight, exchanged looks, but they eventually loosened their muscles, reminding themselves that not a second is meant to be wasted during a war.

“Understood.”

“We wish you luck...”

Ludis, although his bow was as courteous as it could be, hinted nervousness on his face.

He was the first head of a clan to run into the Dark Spear unchained from Frankenstein’s control.

It was true that the backup like none other has obtained power that was more than like-none-other, but he could not help being anxious on the other hand.

Neither Lunark nor the other heads of clans gave him reprimanding looks.

After all, Lunark had her reasons – or rather a dilemma – for asking them to leave the scene.

She fisted her clawed fingers as tightly as she could; her hands were trembling much more viciously than she had thought.

Perhaps because she had asked for this power for just a little bit, she could feel it – she could tell that this power will serve her for a very limited amount of time.

‘I should’ve known, but this power is too great. Should I as much as blink, I will lose control of this power in less than a second. It’s actually an ordeal to hold this power from escaping my body.’

Lunark could at last feel what Frankenstein would have felt whenever he wielded the Dark Spear, although her standing is not completely identical to Frankenstein’s standing.

‘This power does not belong to me, and I didn’t even get to adapt myself to this power. If I am to fight like I usually do, there’s no telling what kind of permanent aftermath I will scar Frankenstein with. So in all... I must finish this as quickly as I can, by using this power to maximum, but not all out against the Dark Spear.’

And Lunark was aware that her goal was not to defeat the Dark Spear; it was to get Frankenstein back.

‘Even if I prevail, there’s no point if the Dark Spear takes over his body again. And I do not believe this power will stick around beyond this battle. Though I’m not sure how I can get Frankenstein back without losing him ever again... I’ll start figuring it out right now!’

That was the last thought Lunark had the moment she began her second round against the Dark Spear, and it did not take long until she learned she will have a gruesomely long way to go.

Wham!!!!!!

“Krgh!!!”

Her punch was nothing different from the usual, but it unleashed shockwave that devastated the forest at least hundreds of meters away, upon pummeling Frankenstein’s body to roll over for seemingly dozens of times.

‘That was much stronger than I had expected...! But maybe I should’ve known.’

Lunark’s forehead tightened, upon realizing that she must be much more careful than she had fathomed.

And of course, Dark Spear was not intimidated at all.

“How dare you...!!!”

Dark Spear returned with teeth grinding; it stampeded from pieces of wood and leaves back to the field.

“You’re gonna regret you refused to close your eyes in the water!”

Dark Spear ripped through the air towards Lunark, its true entity held in Frankenstein’s hand.

*****

Meanwhile, in Seoul

I need help.

If I try my best, it wouldn’t be impossible to defeat those Union agents and save the modified civilians.

But in order to stop any more sacrifice, I must put an end to this as soon as I can.

And to do that, I need help.

Until when do I have to wait to ask help from Tao and M-21?

Takio zipped his lips to the point his lips whitened, after grabbing civilians that Kornel flung.

However, one of the civilians was not very cooperative, flailing and thus wasting Takio’s time until he could plant him back to earth.

By the time Takio lifted his guns in an aim, Kornel’s fist and Helga’s heel were already running straight to his face.

‘Damn it – it’s too late!’

Without enough time to block or evade and counter, Takio clenched his jaw with a strain.

Slam!

“Kgh!”

Pow!

“Argh!”

But then Kornel and Helga were pushed back, clearly due to a strike, and Takio turn around, seeking the source of the strike.

Right afterwards, he was petrified, albeit briefly.

“Get your eyes back on the targets. We’re not done here.”

“...What are you doing here, Miss Raciela?”

“I was about to go to bed, but there happened to be some bad-mannered losers who just can’t tell playtime from bedtime. So I decided to give some noogies before sleep.”

Replied Yuigi, as oh-so-calmly as she could, before she took her spot next to Takio.

“What is the meaning of this, Yuigi?!”

Kornel rubbed his ribs as he stood, and Helga glared at the red-haired woman, her face portraying heavy amount of shock.

“...Do you have any idea what you have just done, ma’am?”

Helga’s words were polite, addressing the Union agent who used to be ranked higher than her.

“I’m not sure if you’re aware, but that man is an adversary to the Union. I heard from Kornel that... Oh, which reminds me, your introduction to him wasn’t very pleasant. Allow me to apologize on behalf of...”

“Cut it out. I already know everything, so no need to work so hard to win me over. And I’d thought my move was enough to tell you that I’m not here to make friends with you two.”

That was when Takio’s, Kornel’s, and Helga’s faces, full of doubt and questions, quaked as if they will shatter.

“Are you out of your mind?! You’re taking the side of the Union’s enemy! Are you saying you will betray us?!”

“Betray you...? I think you meant to say that I’ve finally learned what I must do.”

As Helga’s forehead was turning stony at an accelerated rate, Yuigi’s eyes shifted towards Takio.

As she met him in the eyes, she could picture what happened just a few moments ago.

*****

When M-21 and Tao departed to KSA, to make sure they will be there when Yuhyung returns to Korea, Takio was visiting Yuigi yet again.

His purpose of visit, at least on the surface, was to teach her the emergency protocol in case Kornel’s raid repeats itself.

Which was not what he had in mind in reality.

“...How come this is in your possession?”

Yuigi’s hands were quivering dangerously, locked upon the red-black costume Takio offered her.

“It’s a long story. And while you’re at it, you should check the document inside.”

Following his suggestion, Yuigi picked up and scanned the document inside the briefcase.

Not before long, her eyes began rattling more precariously than her hands.

“...Is... Is this true?!”

“It’s an official data from Union, earned via courtesy of a trustworthy personnel.”

Yuigi waved her head, as if she were denying what was obvious, until she broke down on her knees.

“Miss Raciela!”

Takio kneeled towards her in automatic reflex.

He, too, was beyond daunted when he first read the document, and he at the same time was outraged upon witnessing that Union had once again proved that it was Union.

‘Is this what that gigantic toad meant when he told me Union is in fact my archenemy that took away my all?!’

The reason of death of her little brother and sister as provided by the Union was that their illness worsened a few months after her enrollment as a Union specimen.

Which was far from the truth.

Union’s test subjects must thoroughly cut off their ties with their past lives, and during the process they must completely remove themselves from their families.

In order to prevent their potential future encounter, their families are put under surveillance as well.

So naturally, Arthur and Hailey were also tagged by Union eyes, but the agents who underestimated them due to their ages were not very careful with their stealth.

The children were cleverer than they had seemed; they recognized the men who took their sister, and they pled them to return her until......

The agent in charge of the surveillance fatally clubbed their heads out of compulsive annoyance.

And that was the last of Arthur and Hailey documented by the Union.

Yuigi writhed in betrayal and ultimately shed tears, and Takio wordlessly kept his position next to her.

He eventually lost enough time to make Tao and M-21 worry about him at KSA, for Yuigi silently wailed just as long.

“...Why did you tell me this?”

“...Pardon?”

“Why did you disclose this to me? And why did you hand me my suit as well?”

Now it was Takio’s turn to hush.

It was his sole call to bring these to Yuigi.

Tao and M-21, their minds in alignment with Lunark’s mind, wanted to keep these material and immaterial secrets as their secret weapon, to make Yuigi forfeit her allegiance to Union when the time comes that she opposes them.

And here was Takio, unveiling these secrets without notifying them.

“Are you afraid I’ll go back to the Union? Are you trying to apply safety measures on me in advance?”

“...No, though I doubt you’ll trust me.”

“So why did you give these to me?”

“...Because I understand.”

“Understand what?”

“...Well, I won’t be able to completely understand how you feel for losing your bona fide siblings and only family. But... At least I can guess how throbbing and dense your pain would be.”

Slowly swallowing his breath, Takio whispered very cautiously.

“My heart was wrenched out of me when I realized Aris tricked me by playing Teira. I know. Teira... I mean, Aris was not my sister. But just because I learned I must deny her ties to me didn’t mean I could deny all those times and memories I have shared with my ‘sister’ at once.”

Yuigi’s eyes wavered in the course of their intense and even vindictive stare contest against Takio.

“Which is why I felt I would be more than deceiving you if I keep this hidden from you. Now, allow me to take my leave. I have a business to attend. And don’t worry. I’ll figure out what to tell my teammates regarding this.”

Even when she was left alone, Yuigi could not raise herself back up.

Now that she knew what really happened to her brother and sister, she became even more clueless regarding her future.

So far she has stayed under the hospitality of Takio, due to push and pull from her surroundings, but now with the truth in her hands she knew there is NO WAY she could return to Union.

Nonetheless, that did not mean she could remain as Takio’s guest; she knew what Takio’s action would bring about among his teammates.

‘What am I supposed to do?’

That was when she felt a faint tremor nudging the safehouse.

She burst out through the door, fearing the safehouse suffering another attack, and she could sense the clatter of war far away.

‘That’s where the KSA HQ is... Does Takio’s business concern KSA?’

Mincing her lips, Yuigi glanced at her Cerberus suit waiting for her on the table.

She did not know what she must do for her future.

‘But... I think I know what I must do right now.’

Takio delivered all of what she received simply for her sake, and she did have a heart to tell her what is shameless and what is not.

And it was telling her to go and pay him back.

*****

Therefore Yuigi picked up her suit and reached the battle zone.

In order to make full use of her suit, however, she needed a permission.

��I need you to release me from my choker.”

(next chapter)

And this is why, ladies and gentlemen, I made Yuigi live in this fic - it was all part of a grand plan. XD However, I had trouble composing this chapter, regarding the reason why Takio returned Yuigi’s suit to her and let her learn the truth about her siblings’ death. Takio’s top and foremost priority is his current family - his team and Rai and their safety - but by returning Yuigi’s suit to her in secret, he would be putting her above them, which would be against his characterization. But in the end I couldn’t come up with a better plot for this chapter, which shows what I lack as a writer - and which I hate. :’( Anyhow, today I finished the battle between Lunark and Dark Spear. Yes, that means the highlight of this fic is over, and all that is left is the aftermath and the ending. I will do my best until the very last chapter, and thanks for everyone for staying with me!