#i did such a good job of tagging every post and i dont feel like doing it all over again

[venelona]

Guess who's Instagram got deleted OUT OF NOWHERE. And I can't even message support about it because Instagram appears to have no ways of reaching them.

I wasn't on Instagram often, but I did have 5k followers there, and it was a very nice place for questions and answers. And now it deleted all of my work, and rampant art theft gonna go without any actual source to link back to.

Incredible.

First Tumblr nukes my secret frans santa blog, now Instagram destroys my WHOLE account... that's actually upsetting, yunno?

Idk. Maybe go give my twitter some loving before it also explodes when I turn away for like a second?..

[foxcassius]

wait also my tags on that post were about people i knew in freshman and sophomore year of college specifically. i mean some of them i knew after that and most of them i knew from high school but damn some people really made everything about themselves when i was being emotionally manipulated in my freshman year

[zorosnavigator]

Timebomb fics rec

A lot of timebomb fics are hiding through a lot of CaitVi/JayVik tagged works on ao3 (while many are also CV orJV centric) so i made this rec post for everyone who dont want to spent 1 hour scrolling or missing some of them bc you're filtering other ships!! (sorry for the short summaries/ i didnt write my thoughts as thoughtfully as i would have liked because.yk.time and all. update chapter count/add of new fics every week)

AU/crossovers fics

Je t'aime (Je t'attends) 3 chapter, WIP.

Hunger games x Timebomb/Arcane, the way the system of the games from the og novels are mixed in the Arcane universe is really masterful, the writer dont lose too much time explaining it but you understand the dynamics of the 2 cities and the characters perfectly anyway.

Where would you be now ? by enaven 5/6 chapters, WIP.

family/modern AU, timebomb feels, Ekko and Jinx are Isha's parents, CaitVi are just silly aunts and i'll never stop recommending this fic

you're the best thing to ever happen to me (but also the worst thing to ever happen to me) by grey_toiletpaper ( @greytoiletpaper ) 3/8 chapters, WIP. Rated T.

Timebomb inspired by 10 things i hate about you.

We Moved Into a Real House (a Wild Field Behind it) by smokesatellite 3/10 chapters. WIP. Rated T.

Modern AU, Timebomb roommates/friends to lovers, Isha is a foster kid...you know where this is going .. (Ekko as a nurse is not something i expected but its surprisingly good. Also the in law feud between Jinx and Cait is very funny)

s1 fics

Silco is less of an asshole

The Heart of Zaun by 1ts_Br1tney_B1tch 8/ chapters. WIP.

or: Silco try to rally the Firelights to his cause (in this case, Zaun - he's much more involved in doing better for his city than in the show) but of course they're bound to have some..tension between them, since they hate him - and Shimmer. (it has the good parent Silco tag so i'd say that all in all, this Silco is a little less...Silco than in Arcane, but manage to keep some of the bite he has in canon...) i only read 2 chapters, and what i can say is that it does a good job with the general cast, the interactions between Silco/Ekko-Firelights are believable, i think the one thing that could have weird me out is the way Silco is said to be 'proud' of the Firelights in the summary (for me 'pride' is something he'd reserve for Jinx yk?? anyway i stop the rambling) . The Timebomb relationship has more or less the same push and pull as in the show, with Ekko thinking about the girl Jinx used to be/ Ekko being a link to the past before Jinx and all that entail...so yeah, i'm loving it!

Powder doesnt become Jinx

The Alpha Command by typewriter_in_galaxy 13 chapters. WIP. Rated E.

ABO/Reverse AU where Powder doesnt become Jinx and is raised by Viktor, Ekko is taken in by Silco. btw i dont read a lot of abo fic (im very nickpick) but this one does every characters justice, and actually dwelve in depth in the abo universe.. (everything by typewriter is good to be honest, but my favorite thing is how they write Powder, who even when she doesnt become Jinx, is still shaped by a very violent world/trauma and it shows through her mental health issues and very, very low self worth/need to prove herself. )

everything's better with a friend by typerwriter_in_galaxy 7chapters. Completed. Rated E.

Timebomb centric rewrite of Arcane, Jinx is Powder, she doesnt fall under Silco's hand (or in his arms precisely), Ekko is Ekko, and 1, i need to hug Powder, 2 she deserves the world and 3 the characterization of everyone, everyone is so brillantly written and the timebomb relationship (damn even the CaitVi one too) oh, the timebomb of it all... they feel so, so real and it hurts, Powder's insecurities, her mental illness, her guilt, her need to prove herself but in same time she doesnt feel herself worth of anything (or anyone) good... just.read it. read it, because i just did, after like 2 years of not doing that and. im like mad bc why didnt i??? but in same time so grateful to just discover it now, taking my sweet little time reading it; it rewinded my brain its amazing, (like this work in another fandom, the first time i read this rebelcaptain's fic A Love song by skitzofreak - did i just linked it for you to read even tho its a timebomb rec post??? yes. yes i did. thats how much i love, adore, worship this one guys - so everything's better made me think a lot of this TB fic, and also of RC (the abandonment issues, thinking that you have to leave first before everyone leave you, Jyn and Powder damn).

Shattered Web by Firewolf2132 1 chapter. WIP. Rated M.

you know how everyone make the comparaison between Ekko and Miles?? well, the author found a way for Ekko transform into a spiderman that feels right in the arcane verse (end of act1) and damn its so good. Ekko slowly morphing and gaining his powers while everyone still have some focus on them (mostly Powder), but it still manages to keep the suspense of the fate of other characters. fabulous. author note: [I have seen so many comparisons between Ekko and Miles and a lot of fanart. So it felt that I had to do this. I can't promise future chapters right now (busy), but I am eager to see if this inspires any stories with a similar premise.]

S2 fanfics

fics covering Timebomb moments between ep 8 Ekko saving her /they painted each other and ep9

Go Back For Her by A_Lily_In_The_Moonlight 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated E.

Ekko's pov -i only read 1 chapter - we see his thought's process on his relationship with Powder AU/ Jinx, and how he came to the conclusion he must go back to her. the moment where he help Jinx with his Z-drive comes a little differently than in ep8 (well, the aftermath) aaand another fic where Jinx's grief over Isha's death shatters me, the pain and the self loathing/blaming from Jinx really devastating.

I dont believe in God, but i believe you're my savior by mquesterminds One shot. Rated T

[summary: every time Ekko has to rewind time to stop Jinx it cuts to a different moment from throughout their love story because I'm allergic to happiness the moments covering their shared past really make their present 10 times sadder.]

I'm sure we're taller in another dimension by hallwayheart One shot. Rated M. i have nothing to say because i'm still processing what i just read.ty.

Fires That Were Set by ilophilia ( @ilophilia on tumblr) 1 chapter. WIP.

the conversation after Ekko helped Jinx in episode 8. Loved the banter, the emotions (the grief is there and its important to feel it but damn i want to hug them so bad). They tell each other what happened when Ekko was gone, and you feel the distance/the closeness, near intimacy building again and its beautiful..

Hope is a winged beast by Grey_ Unicorn 4 chapters. WIP. Rated E.

prepare you tissues because i was myself not ready for chapter 3 and the emotional wreck of Jinx processing her grief. but here we are.

fics from AU Powder pov/exchange between Jinx and AU Powder

what we left behind by re_dragon_rising 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated T.

Powder traverses to the og arcane universe 1 year after Ekko's visit. (the insight into her life after Ekko leaves is wholesome and also give the reader a glimpse of the Mylo/Claggor/Powder siblings dynamics + the impact of Vi's death on them. really great. a little sad too.)

The other Ekko by GrammarThyEnemy Oneshot. General audience.

Powder knows this Ekko is not her Ekko.

memento vivere by fuwaaa 1/2. WIP. General audience.

covering the AU episode, Powder knows something's up with Ekko.

See Ya On The Other Side by moth_dust 3/5 chapters, WIP. Rated T.

Powder also travel to the og universe.

these forgotten faces by whippindippin ( @whippindippin on tumblr too!) 6 chapters, WIP. Rated T.

Jinx and Powder body swap and its both the worst and best thing that could ever happen to either of them. great reading and their reaction on point.

Isha is alive

Astrantia by AelinCreativ ( @aelincreativ they're on tumblr too!) 5 chapters, WIP. Rated T.

canon divergence where Ekko saves Isha. a lot of angst. but also a lot of happiness. so we can cry while smiling along with them. great. ty author!!

Ankle-Biter by darkfire1220 8/9 chapters, WIP. Rated M.

Isha is Jinx's biological daughter, Silco is a not so bad (grand) father, and their mother/daughter bond is one a the greatest thing ever. (very slowburn timebomb). Also Vi. i love you Vi.

post s2

we made our peace with weariness (and let it be) by The_FlamingTiger 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated M.

Ekko and Jinx reconnect in Bilgewater..(and Jinx goes to therapy. that too. its nice)

I don't believe in God (But I believe that you're my savior) by yeonatsu Oneshot, general audience.

Ekko is mourning.

this hunger for love won’t disappear by Amuria Oneshot, rated T.

Months after the battle for Piltover, Ekko begins to dream of Powder. He thinks it’s his grief playing tricks on him. She has different theory.

Francesca (Do You Think I'd Give Up?) by PoetProlific 2 chapters. WIP.

Ekko tries searching for Jinx...(with the help of Caitlyn, yep. and its well done, because I think Cait would help, for Vi. And i love how Ekko-Cait's dynamics might evolve because of this..)

So I met him there and told him I believe by ijustwanttoreadinpeace 3 chapters, WIP. Rated T.

Jinx begins a new life in Bilgewater but is forced to come back... (edit: be warned, this is now an orphan account so idk if there will be more chapters.)

all the 6 timebomb one shot by atabex (the other fics are not timebomb) they're all rated E and oh boy is it worth it. most of these oneshot are gut wrenching and do smut + characters so well... the most recent one is just Ekko and AU Powder ahem doing the boombayah on the rooftop, but yk, with bits of sad and tragedy here and there.

i'm a little ashamed i'm only adding it now but every TB os fics by @shroomystar is 🤌 nothing else to add because each one of them are good. so. (if you want the explicit one-shots it's here and if you prefer without, it's here )

[drdemonprince]

When other people say that they do not have enough time to get something done, they (often, if they're quite healthy) mean they are taking into account the time it takes to do the laundry and arrange new pieces of furniture and cook dinner and meet up with friends to see a movie and run to the post office or the hair dresser and take the dog for walks and do the dishes and paint their nails and drive to the store and go to their cousin's wedding and go to the barbecue their friend is throwing on the weekend

they don't winnow their life down to just spending time at the computer, working from when they wake up until they cannot focus their eyes anymore, granola bars, coffee, and bottles of water all around them because of course they did not take time to have lunch or breakfast, only dragging themselves away from work when they are truly too exhausted to do any of it anymore, and then lacking the energy to do much of anything that remains of life but to eat a tiny bit more, sponge themselves off, and go to sleep.

i just saw a video of a fursuiter on their bed, legs kicked back, head propped on their hands, delightedly announcing that after many years of hard work they had finally finished their Master's degree. And some part of me, some sick withered part, thought really? you had time to do a Master's degree while also getting a fursuit done? and going to conventions, presumably? you had time in the day to research fursuit makers, have a sona designed and drawn by someone else (or to draw it yourself), to contact a maker to make a duck tape dummy of yourself, and to have a friend over to help you make it and to cut it off of you, to send it in the mail to the maker, to then get it and make videos? you had time to set up this beautiful bedroom that i see in your video, with a soft pink sham on the bed and LED lights behind your bookshelf and lamps and all kinds of stuffed toys? you had a life? you were out playing, and dancing, and pursuing your hobbies, and you did a master's degree?

because when i was working on my doctorate, there was nothing. three layers of foam on the floor with a fitted sheet over it. a folding card table from aldi that had cost $40 that my grandparents got me. no food in the fridge. no time to even get the internet installed, just stolen wi-fi when my laptop could pick it up. i woke up, got dressed, and slunk into the office. i sat alone in the dark working until my hunger made me furious and i could not write another word. and then i walked to the grocery store, got something to subsist on, went home, ate, kickboxing video, went to sleep. every day. with almost nothing breaking the routine.

and ive gotten better, so much better, but my brain still kind of works that way. i feel like i have to quit my job and stop being a writer if i want to have hobbies. to paint my bedroom. to marinate a meat for longer than fifteen minutes. to get a driver's license again. to take a trip. but i dont want to be like that any more. how do people know when to stop? i feel like i have to give everything my absolute all until there is nothing left or else i have done nothing. i feel that i would have to treat a hobby like a job to get it done. I feel that anything that takes more than two minutes is a huge waste of time i must feel guilty for. i am working on all these things. jesus i have been working on them for years at this point. but because i have been so successful at telling people to do less, i get pulled in. interview. workshop invitation. email. urgent in the subject line. call from my agent. meeting request from my boss. new book idea, better sell it now while my sales figures still look good. recording studio session. deadline. writing. can you talk about this. can you talk about that. tag. email. book idea. deadline. long heartfelt email. still so often i have to take my own damn advice.

and this is why i am getting a fursuit made!! and going to cons! and going to leather and latex events! and making socials that are separate for these things!! i am going to let myself be silly and soft and do frivolous things. i am so sick of what i do to myself, all the pursuit of seeming like a strong mature adult.

[wassupmygays]

yap about ur headcanons about the socs pls!!

heheeh okay some misc things about the soc guys that have popped into my head throughout the week (im sorry this is so long)

EDIT: ok ive put it all under the cut bc it got so long but i do yap a little bit about each soc guy so please read hehe :)

Chet

chet and his family moved from california when he was in 3rd grade. his first friend in town was one sodapop curtis on his little league baseball team

his dad is a cop and wants to advance up the ranks, and his mom wants to make sure they keep up their good social standing, so chet was not friends with soda for long

you know those boys in like 5th grade that crack all the dumb jokes, hit all the door frames, and tease every girl "because he likes her"? thats chet and trip

this is inspired by @/sky4cherry iirc but chet does Nawt get attention at home man. his dad is always busy with work and a little mean (yknow how dads are in the 60s) and his mom is always working on the next social function or trying to appease his dad. anyways he is just always at another soc guy's house just to have someone Talk to him

i think he picks up drinking and smoking, and fighting, for a similar reason to bob: he just wants his parents to fucking notice he's doing something wrong. but theyre high enough now in the social and job spaces that they can just wipe any misdemeanors under the rug

i cant decide if chet is an only child, or if he has like 2 siblings that are way older than him. idk

Trip

terrance dipp is The Exasperated older brother ever. bro did Nawt want a little brother sorry melvin.

anyways unfortunately i do think trip is very much a guy's guy. that boy is Not a good boyfriend to marcia unfortunately :(((((( at least by the time we get to their sophomore year/the show

him and chet can not be sat together in class. they will never shut up or stop hitting each other.

chet broke his arm one time in like 6th grade. trip threatens to break it again at least once a month

ive said this before but ill say it again: trip and melvin are just soc steve and ponyboy. trip is so tired of his kid brother being in all his sports and trying to tag along to everything

that being said, he was looking out for melvin so much during the rumble. he knew their mom would kill him if he brought his brother home all beat up, but also he really really didn't want him to get too hurt.

he Always goes to marcia to patch him up after hes been in a fight. (after the rumble though, him and marcia are on the rocks, and hes got melvin to worry about. so he just sneaks melvin home and tries to clean him up before their mom sees. its actually a sweet bonding moment between them i think)

trip lovesssss verbally poking fun at any greaser in school, especially two-bit. after he realizes two-bit likes marcia, his mean jokes become a lot more threatening

(i do love trip i promise i just also think hes kinda a mean guy. you know the kind of rowdy douche bags in high school im talking about. im so sorry ksco and sean jones i promise i love trip kdjfkdjf)

Brill

clark brillstein i'll be so incredibly honest i dont have much in my brain for him :((( i gotta sit and think more

i do think he has one of the better home lives out of the bunch, and hes got his lovely perfect girlfriend, and hes good at sports, and honestly i think he just. gets tired of everyone thinking hes got it so perfect all of the time. i think maybe thats why he likes all the fighting so much

while he is relatively happy with his life rn, hes tired of being doted on like hes perfect. and also sometimes he sees everyone else's lives being so shitty, he feels likes hes got to pick fights to justify him feeling bad about his lot.

Paul

ohhh im gonna have to hold myself back from talking about him forever. he will get his own post at some point aDKFJDKFJK

anyways. paul holden. the messiest and most scared gay kid in the town of tulsa

i think he and bob literally grew up together. like their parents are Old old friends, so paul and bob have always basically been brothers despite a 2/3 ish year age difference (i dont feel like doing the exact math). i think bev's parents are also in this old friend group, so pauls known her forever too

anyways. he was probably the bob of his friend group in his class, which is why nobody really really protested darry being in their group. but i also think that when he was with darry, paul didnt really care about the whole social friend group of things too much.

contrary to popular belief i dont think paul is the friend-group-leader type. idk if that makes sense and i can yap about it more but.

anyways post-darry breakup paul is a fucking mess. hes sad and angry and those fights that darry was always trying to stop feel so damn good. maybe bob and his buddies are on to something, and bob's dad always has a full liquor cabinet

Bob

obviously we know the most about bob and his home life and inner psyche and reasons for fighting and honestly all of it really resonates in my brain. like yea im keeping all of that

bro has charisma to the max. like he has always been the ringleader of the friend group, even in like 4th grade when all the boys started becoming best buddies

he used to be such a mommas boy. before her praise just became so meaningless.

oh ive just had a revelation. he is an angrier and more resigned buddy aldridge from rotpl. his dad is pulling the strings to make sure his precious son is climbing all the right ladders.

the difference here tho is bob realized this earlier, and that started his spiral into fights and drinking and causing problems. he wanted to see what would finally make his dad stop covering and fixing everything for him. he never found that limit

he knows cherry cant stand the drinking, and i do think he does feel bad about ignoring her feelings about it. but his urge to push back against everything and spit in the face of anyone who tries to tell him how he should be just overpowers. and god everything is more fun when hes boozed up

[sunwarmed-ash]

WIP Thursday/[Sinful Sunday post??]

hey so im gonna be taking time off writing for another job all next week so I'm posting this so you have something to read. DONT WORRY Sinful Sunday will continue, I'll just be busy this sunday and next making that capitalist coin!

This may turn into a fic, it may not. I wrote it right after I finished QAF for the 36th time.

Tags: Angsty steddiegrove, sex work, HIV+ character, violence

"Where do you go at night?"

Steve and Eddie are lying on Steve’s bed smoking weed when Steve asks the question that will inevitably change the course of their relationship, their future, forever. 

"What," Eddie asks, trying and failing for aloof. He thought he had been so careful. 

“You sneak out, every night. Where do you go, when you leave?"

Lying is the only probable next course of action. If he wants to keep Steve in his life that is. The truth will sever everything they once had. 

“Dealing doesn’t exactly fit a normal 9-5," Eddie says. It’s a half-lie. 

"You were selling drugs in Lafayette at 3 in the morning? Do you think I’m stupid," Steve snaps.

Eddie’s entire body flashes hot with the amount of detail in that accusation.  

"What? No! Wait, how did you- hang on, have you been spying on me?"

"Answer the question Eddie!"

Eddie feels cornered, and that’s never a good place for him to be. Because when he feels trapped, he lies, and he can’t stop. He will say anything to cover his ass, even if its just to survive to see another minute. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you..."

Steve scoffs at Eddie’s attempt at self ownership. 

"Why can’t you tell me, Eddie? I mean, after everything we’ve been through!”

Eddie bites into his tongue. He wishes it was that easy. God, does he wish it could be that simple...  

“i can't, not with everything baby. I'm sorry.” 

“Why not?” Steve demands and now he’s angry. His eyes are lined with tears and Eddie can feel the beginning of the end coming like an approaching storm. 

“Because you won't love me anymore.” 

It’s the truth. And Eddie hates to even hear the words out loud. Because its gonna hurt so bad to hear it twice. From Steve’s lips. The soundbite will live with him for eternity. 

“Isn't that for me to decide,” Steve objects. 

“You've already decided.” 

Eddie remembers the shit Harrington pulled on Wheeler when she hurt his frail male ego by just existing in the same space as another man. He remembers the hateful way Steve spits the word ‘whore’ because he associates it with his father and all of his sins. It’s how everyone says the word. Like its poison in their mouth. 

Slut. Hooker. Whore. But that's what Eddie is. Until he can find something that pays better. Because he has to eat. He and Wayne won’t survive an Indiana winter without heat. And after Eddie was banished and then half-heartedly rewelcome into a unstable healing community, no one in Hawkins treats him the same. Weed sales have dried up. No one wants to hire him for any job. Not even the mechanic shop down the street that is desperately understaffed and Eddie is overqualified for. So what the hell else is he supposed to do? Wayne just turned 68. He shouldn’t need to work 12 hour shifts just to barely support the kid he didn't ask for in the first place. Eddie never should have been his burden. So this is Eddie’s way of giving back. Pulling his own weight so he didn't feel so much like a goddamn freeloader all the time. But could Steve understand that? Steve wasn’t stupid, but he also wasn’t, lets say as morally flexible as some other people.

"I can't- do this Eddie... If you’re going to lie to me." Steve says and one look into his eyes and Eddie feels what's left of the tie between them sever. 

"I'm not lying," He insists but its a half truth at best. 

"You're not telling me everything, that counts," Steve all but shouts. 

"You don't tell me everything."

He referring to whatever the hell went on between Hargrove and him two years ago. Eddie and Steve arent the only people different after an apocalypse. Their previous heated rivalry has all but burned out. So has Hargroves own personal brand of anger. They move around each other like chess pieces, always conscious of the others movement to limit interactions at school. But after school? Eddie’s seen Billy’s camero parked at Harrington’s more than it's parked in the trailer park. 

"That's different Eddie,” Steve huffs, scoffs as he pushes his hair back. “and you know it."

"How, how is it different Steve?" Eddie’s never brought it up before tonight. Eddie’s never been one for exclusivity, why the hell should he expect Steve to be?

"It doesn't involve you, or us. This does."

"Right,” Eddie scoffs, “Well, for argument's sake, it is safer for you not to know. For both of us."

Steve is silent for three beats too long.

Here it comes. 

Eddie can’t look at him. His face goes numb before the words can hit his ears. 

"Then you have my answer Eddie.”

It still hits him like a slap in the face. Steve’s done with him. And it hurts so much more than he anticipated it would. 

Eddie knew it was only a matter of time. He knew what Steve wanted in the end, and it was still someone more like Wheeler. A sweetheart. A family. Nothing Eddie can guarantee. Eddie doesn’t have much to say in his defense. So he doesn’t. 

"I'm sorry Eddie,” Steve, obviously uncomfortable in the silence, speaks again. “This is just, too much for me right now.”

"Okay,” comes out of Eddie’s numb mouth, even if it's the complete opposite. 

Eddie knew a clean break now would eventually be better than enduring their relationship fizzling out slowly. But it doesn't mean the inevitable failure of one more relationship doesn't hurt.

-two months later-

“Munson?”

Eddie blinks, of all the people to find him, here, he didn't think it would be Californian transplant, and fellow trailer trash bad boy Billy Hargrove from Hawkins. He just wants to disappear into the pavement. 

Eddie’s feet move to sprint, but Billy’s lighting reflexes catch him before he can. 

“Where the hell are you going now, Eddie?”

Eddie rips away from him. He hates the way his name sounds out loud. He hadn’t felt like ‘Eddie’ in weeks. He’s barely felt like anything. More like Nothing and no one. A nameless face in a sea of sex workers, businessmen, and bar patrons that he cycled through every day. 

“It’s none of your damn business,” Eddie spits, though it doesn't have much venom. He doesn't have the energy. He's sick, he’s cold, and he’s so fucking tired. He still has two more clients he can’t blow off tonight if he wants to have a prayer at ever getting unburied under his last hospital bill. Billy Hargrove and Hawkins and all that past shit is his lowest priority.  

“People are worried man,” Billy says, stopping Eddie from taking more than a step away. “Wayne especially. Don't you give a shit about him?”

Now Eddie is pissed, because who the fuck did Billy Hargrove think he was, telling him about what he should do? Talking to him about Wayne. As if he understood a goddamn thing about their lives! His anger flairs up his cough that only aggravates the pneumonia-scarred tissue and then Eddie’s coughing so hard it nearly knocks him over. 

When Billy moves close to ‘help’ Eddie slaps him off. 

“Everything I’m doing is for him! You don’t fucking know shit, Billy! How could you, you're just a kid!”

And while Billy was 17 and Eddie was 6 months into his 23rd lap around the earth, he felt so much older. His tragic sequence of life events had aged him decades. He’d be lucky to make it to 24 at this rate. 

Billy watches him curiously, putting together pieces Eddie doesnt mean him to. 

“Why did you take off Eddie?” 

“Why do you care?” Eddie doesn’t really think it's concern he sees in Billy's features. 

“Wayne doesn't have anyone else. You scared the shit out of him when you left.”

“Oh and what, you two are bffs now,” Eddie asks bitterly. 

Billy shrugged. 

“We've been spending a lot of time together, yeah.”

Eddie scoffs wetly. Fantastic. Now even Wayne has his own Eddie replacement. A better, nicer son. If Wayne didn’t need him anymore, well, he didn’t have any more ties back to Hawkins. He should be relieved, but instead he just feels empty. Forgotten. Unwanted. Billy had said people missed him, but the only name he offered up was Wayne’s.  

Eddie sniffs up the tears threatening to spill and reaches into his jacket. He takes out the seven hundred dollars and change he’s managed to squirrel away after his last AZT prescription refill and holds it out to Billy. 

“What is this?” Billy looks at the wad like its poisoned, and well, he's not entirely wrong, it's certainly dirty money. But its still green. And that’s all the world runs on. And speaking of money, the man he was currently scheduled to suck off is honking at him from across the parking lot, eyeing Billy with violent intent. Eddie needed to move quick before this escalated. 

“I’m not coming back. T-To Hawkins, I mean. I can’t, so I need you to give this to Wayne for me. Can I trust you to get it to him?”

Billy finally takes the money, counts it, and then his jaw drops. 

“There’s over seven hundred dollars here Eddie.”

“I know,” Eddie sighs dejectedly. “It should have been more but,” but you got stupid and believed some pretty, coked-up twink instead of following your gut. And now you get to live with the weight of that decision, forever… “It doesn’t matter. Just, please make sure he gets it. It should cover the next few payments on the trailer.”

Billy looks at him for a long time. 

“What the hell have you been doing Munson?”

Eddie scoffs before the car horn across the street blares loud, startling him right out of his skin. 

“Nothing you want to know about. Just please make sure he gets it, and knows, I’m sorry. For all of it.”

Billy’s eyes lower suspiciously. 

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Eddie shrugs.

“Because it has to be.” Eddie can’t feel anything below his neck anymore. The honk is starting up again. He’s really pushing his luck now. 

“Eddie, come on,” Hargrove begs and why does it sound like he’s actually pleading? Billy’s never had a nice word to say to him or Steve. And now he’s gone for what, a few weeks, and his enemy wants to become best friends? He doesn’t understand this plotline. He’s ready to get out of it. 

“I’m gotta go, Billy. Please, look out for Wayne.”

Eddie leaves the very next minute and sprints across the street, just narrowly avoiding being hit by the semi that blasts his horn.

[autisticlittleguy]

A bunch of people tagged my previous post on AI with writing inspiration which made me very happy. So heres more food

Did you know these models also fall into the same trap of cram studying, rote-memorization like a panicking student? Different kinds of models have different habits and strengths for what kind of patterns theyre good at picking up and when they're applied on a problem not meant for them, they tend to memorize the training data to avoid being penalized. As in: you dont need to learn the underlying processes and concepts if you just memorize the correct answer for every question that could be on the test. This isnt a metaphor btw, this is a literal phenomenon that happens called overfitting.

After all, its easier memorizing what the correct answers are than learning why theyre correct, yet they both yield the same reward, so theyre just punished for the extra effort. Did i mention I hate the education system?

I always feel bad when this happens because I feel like an awful teacher. Like d'aww. Im sorry lil guy. That wasnt your fault. Let me do a better job phrasing that question and giving hints so you dont panic and memorize everything in fear of The Penalty. Sometimes I also lobotomize them to limit their memory capacity, thereby discouraging memorization solutions or alternatively throw them out and try a new one, but that doesnt fit my agenda.

[not-poignant]

hi pia i just wanted to respond to what you said in your tags about the burnout w chronic illness. and i dont mean to condescend or blame but i think your burnout came about because you are an absolute beast of a writer!!!!! the amount of words you were pushing out consistently had me wondering what kind of spell you must’ve been on. (in a good way, except it turned out to be harming you) you worked really really hard for a long time, i think harder than many healthy people even (my chronic illness could never). i know you also enjoyed writing (we enjoyed it too!), but that workload honestly never looked sustainable. the astounding part is not that you burned out, but that you managed to push for so long, despite your handicaps and hardships. want to be careful not to sound like im praising/blaming you. but you’re really just build different than a lot of folks. i hope you had time to recharge so far and keep taking it easy. i do miss your updates but i can assure you im fine waiting, as are your other readers! its really okay! get better soon 💐🐀💓

Hi anon,

This is very kind of you to say, but tbh, I don't think many people know how much some writers can, well, write.

I might seem like an over-achiever, but there are writers out there who easily write around 6000-10000 words per day, and release a book per month. I have met successful authors who aim for 150k or 200k at NaNo, because 50,000 words is 5 days of work to them.

It's hard for me to comprehend, because I know I can't do that. But likewise, I think many folks don't realise that I actually used to write a lot more than I do now!! For some years it was normal for me to write 50-80,000 words every single month. NaNo was a joke. That caused burnout, and so I adjusted down to a 25,000 minimum monthly wordcount which sometimes felt so easy that it was absurd. I now have a maximum which I have to adhere to per month (50k), because it's too easy to go past it.

For me, writing is relatively easy. It's still work, yes. I still need to put time into it. But I don't need to put in the same amount of time as someone who hasn't done it for thousands and thousands of hours. I don't need to put in the same amount of time as someone who can only touch type at 80 wpm, when I touch type at 120-150 wpm.

The amount of stories is an issue, and the number of chapter updates is an issue, but the actual output re: words themselves really isn't. In fact I've written more words this month than I did last month already, and will very likely hit my monthly minimum with the next chapter.

The things that contributed to my burnout are multifaceted. Getting a puppy. A death in the family. Not having access to the mental health drugs I need to function for a long period of time. Friendship disintegration. These things can cause burnout in anyone, even if they are working very sustainably, because they all require separate labour on top of the labour that someone is doing for their job.

When I come back from hiatus, I will not be writing less. I don't believe the wordcount is the issue and haven't for a long time. I will be scheduling out less chapters, because admin is overwhelming to me. If you told me that my job wasn't writing anymore, but I had to schedule + figure out when to post twice as many chapters, I'd fail, lmao.

So I will be addressing admin stuff! But the amount of words I was pushing out, anon, was completely sustainable, and in fact a highly reduced number compared to what I was pushing out 6/7 years ago. Anon, I have been pushing out this many words or more for 5 years without stopping until now. It's felt comfortable. It's been so much less than what I used to make myself write.

So yeah, again, it can be hard for people who don't do this professionally to imagine writing at this level. And all professionals are different. I couldn't write 150k for NaNoWriMo, but the people writing 100k a month find that extremely easy to do. How I feel about their output - that it's impossible (because it is for me) is not how they feel about their output. For them writing 50k a month to make it easy might be extremely laughable to them, like, 5 days of work and then they get 25 days off. That's sometimes how I've felt about 25k (though it's more like 10 days of work to me - which is great, because I have chronic illness lol, so I need a lot of rest days and periods).

The amount of words I was pushing out consistently will be the amount I go back to because that is truly the most sustainable part of my job. I don't expect folks who haven't plugged in as many hours into writing, and who haven't written millions of words to understand, but the fact is the more you do something, the faster you get at it. The more practice you have, the more competent you become.

That was actually how I knew the burnout was so bad, because the easiest part of my job - the words + the writing - was impossible last month, and I only ended up with 14k for the first time in 5 years, and had to make a call.

The reason the hiatus is so frustrating is that so much of it is being caused by external factors, and not actually the job itself. Like yes, I am working on too many stories, and I can address that, but I was actually doing much higher wordcounts when I was working on less stories.

It's all the extra stuff that becomes very overwhelming! But I'll get there anon, and my wordcounts aren't going anywhere.

[tame-a-messenger]

“Are there a lot more Damangela posts out there that I’m missing? Because I saw a couple posts complaining about people talking about Damangela but I swear it’s literally only you and MAYBE one or two other people talking about them. Also it’s wild to me that people would complain about Damangela when Ianthony is RIGHT THERE or even amangela or spommy like people talk about these ALL the time writing lots of smut and everything but people are gonna complain about the five Damangela posts that happen every few days at most?? No hate to people talking about any of those ships I’m not one of those people who care so much about what people ship (if I don’t like it I just ignore it) but I just think it’s weird to call out Damangela when it’s such a small ship no one really talks about too much. And 99% of the Damangela posts are platonic and not romantic anyway so I don’t get why people are bothered by it.”

Hi Mitty! good to see you!

“Are there a lot more Damangela posts out there that I’m missing? Because I saw a couple posts complaining about people talking about Damangela but I swear it’s literally only you and MAYBE one or two other people“

That’s what has me all confused. I’m pretty sure there’s only a small handful of Damangela acc on here, or anywhere. I don’t really know why people have been getting so up in arms about Damangela? I’ve been seeing a lot of hate for ‘damangela shippers’ when I really can only think of like 3? that are openly shipping them together??

Most people posting about Damangela are purely Dynamic Enjoyers™, and openly stating that. I don’t know where this wave of people came from, talking about ‘damangela shippers’ like there’s so many.

“people would complain about Damangela when Ianthony is RIGHT THERE or even amangela or spommy“

I think it’s because those ships in particular are all queer ships. It always strikes me as odd that people are EXTREMELY comfortable shipping rpf if it’s queer, but if it’s hetero they say it’s an invasion of privacy and weird. Like you’re saying IT’S NOT AN INVASION IF ITS GAY??? WHERES THE LOGIC?? do people not understand how sexuality works? (if you have a problem with rpf COMMIT TO IT. DONT PRETEND ITS OK ONLY IF ITS QUEER. shipping real people is shipping real people.)

(I do realize that all of those ships have pretty obvious reasons why they aren’t taken as seriously. Amanda is married, Spencer is straight(?), ... , so I understand that side, but if you truly think rpf is bad, commit to it.)

I’d also like to say just because a Woman/Man is hetero, does NOT mean they romantically like EVERY Man/Woman they meet. 

“it’s weird to call out Damangela when it’s such a small ship no one really talks about too much“

That’s what I’m thinking as well, like I said, I can only think of maybe 3 people that openly ship them together? and they don’t even post that regularly. It almost feels like they’re trying to head off future shippers because of the Podcast clip that came out recently? (the Christmas Event™)

That’s ^ the only reasonable thing I can think of. (they still aren’t doing a very good job as a community... I think it’s because there’s been a lot of new fans the last couple years)(along with Smosh not being very good with fan discourse)(I could go on for days about this lol)(if there was an obvious figure head in the community that could point the fans in good directions I think that would help with the weird dog piling that’s going on rn)

“99% of the Damangela posts are platonic and not romantic anyway so I don’t get why people are bothered by it.“

It doesn’t make much sense to me either. 

The one thing I did see that I could imagine being annoying, is that people trying to look through #Angela Giarratana tag are getting flooded with damangela content. (and obviously the #Damien Hass tag as well) I could TOTALLY see why that could make some people mad! but there’s really not much to do about that.. 

(other than going into settings and filtering out damangela manually)

I feel a little bad that we’ve been flooding their tags, but I can’t really do anything about it? I could start not tagging both of them? but I feel like it makes more sense to just filter your own tags than get me to change how I tag (other people would be tagging them even if I stopped anyway..)

Anyway, I’m sure all this will blow over soon! something about April Fools Marriage and a Solar eclipse is getting everyone all red blooded.

-Much love Mitty! <3

[latenightsundayblues]

TYSM @kryypt1c 4 tagging me to answer these questions im honored😭😭😭 really hope im doin this right n not embarrassing myself....

1. Are you named after anyone? Not an actual person, but my ma wanted to name me after a really famous shoe store here in my country. My dad wanted something more unique, and his solution was to switch out the 'a' at the end with an 'e'. So I guess it all started with feet in a way

2. When was the last time you cried? Rewatching the ending of Cinema Paradiso on Youtube yesterday. Like just the clipped ending literally nothing else. Its a REALLY GOOD MOVIE okay

3. Do you have kids? Reading this question made me shudder quite violently. Thankfully no

4. What sports do you play/have you played? I was such a little bitch as a kid I didn't want any activities that could get me hurt😭😭 only thing i ever did was ballet for a short while

5. Do you use sarcasm? I feel I'm above regular sarcasm in a way. I'm on some sort of infuriating post-ironic type of shit even I can't properly diagnose

6. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Prob their mood. I've always been sorta sensitive as to what people's first impressions of me are so I just zero in on whether or not the way they're looking at me means they like me or want to bash my head in with a slab of concrete

7. What is your eye color? Plain brown yawnnn

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Why can't we have both? Why not add a little bit more of Insidious or Nope to your life?

9. Any talents? Erm. Ughaghhh..... Ummm.... Drawign. ?

10. Where were you born? Brazil baybeee

11. Any hobbies? Do nice little walks around parks on sunny days count at all🥹

12. Do you have any pets? Nala my beautiful ungrateful little bitch of a cat

13. How tall are you? Honestly i dont even know😭 I don't keep track of that shit so I'd need to measure myself again, but last time I checked I think i was like 159 cm or smth

14. Favorite subject in school? English bc I've always been the best at it lmfao

15. What's your dream job? Those really boring ambiguous jobs middle class fathers in american movies have where they work with boxy computers inside grey little cubicles and hang out at the water cooler to make small talk during breaks. I want that for me

@goofalicousgooberface @hydehecticbastard so srry for calling u guys to every little game i get tagged in I'm not familiar with anyone else😭😭 no pressure

[atrirose]

back when enhablr used to be full of fics, headcanons and reaction. but now i see people wih the aesthetics, small texts but less works if i am not wrong.

when i see vissit a new enha writing blog, i see the themes, small texts. it's so irritating :( like how can you even see the small text... plus, the amount of symbols and other fonts they use, tsk

i am not blaming you :( but telling that mosot of enhablr has become aesthetic or something like top notch. everyone only focuses on how the blog themes, texts are but not the works.

but can i also know like what is suggestive?? isn't it like suggesting a sexual thought or something that leads to sex?? since you are an adult, i am asking you this.

but no, i literally see 15 or 16 year olds writing about suggestive stuff for enha, then telling mentions of fwb :0 i cannot believe when enhable used to have fluff fluff fluff where ever we searched.

i still remember you in my dash back in 2021, you wrote so much fluff istg, i used to wait for your works :( i wish we got that enhablr writing community back but literally wherver i see it is suggestive.

after all, this is my opinion...

hii ! at the start of the ask i thought you were shading me but ㅠㅠ yeah i understand what you mean , the fonts, themes, and small text usages has become more common now instead of the actual matter, i do use small text too but its only for the decor purposes, and my main focus (fics or hcs) are all large text with no fonts bc it is insensitive to use fancy text for those stuff and deprive people who cant read them, and i get that blogs do focus on their appearance more than the writing, bc let’s be honest people only see what they like to and if you look around if a blog ‘doesn’t look aesthetic’ people tend to ignore it even if the content is good. so bc of that many people have adopted the whole persona, i didnt change a lot except the fact i started posting a lot less and have not been active here, i think its a lot to do with adulting, all of the older members of enhablr now either have jobs/uni/exams or are just not feeling like doing this anymore.

and it’s totally fine for you to feel irritated by that, so u can js avoid those kind of blogs but you also need to remember that it’s their blog and they can chose what to do with it and how to decorate it, we can’t control that bc people have their own choices, but yeah the content being less i have seen a lot and i do agree with even tho i don’t read often i too get annoyed by the tags being flooded with nsfw content which is super creepy bc js few months ago it was all fluff as you mentioned and i hoped that the space stayed wholesome. i cant really control that but i hope people dont js see boys in that light.

suggestive to me is js a little bit more kissing/ implication of or suggestive jokes but i am not sure since i do not interact with those kind of content i might not be the best person to ask this, im sorry. but it is very uncomfortable when minors write nsfw.

HELP NOT YOU SAYING I POSTED A LOT 😛, jk anyways aww that is so sweet that i had someone waiting for me, i did post a lot of fluff and it will be a train ride if i read all my work, i will probably cringe 😔, i will always write fluff if that makes u happy if i do post in the future .. , sorry it’s js not the same anymore so i might not be the same atrirose who use to post every week. i am in touch with someone of my moots which were their with me since the start of this account or enha writer who use to flood the tag with tooth rotting fluff and well .. busy , busy , busy so i cant promise anything but hey we still have their old works you can binge. 

your opinion is totally valid.

[mousemannation]

thank u for the tag @clayvedevs :333

a little get to know me tag game!

1. Do you make your bed?

... no but in my defence i have a loft bed so its very difficult to do

2. Favourite number?

hmm 3, 4 and 7 r my favourite digits. im a big fan of i hashtag complex numbers. grahams number and tree(3) r fun, oh -1/12 is a classic, pi as well... gosh so sorry i am a mathspilled nerd so,,,

3. What's your job?

never had one hashtag disabled

4. If you could go back to school, would you?

i never finished high school and i have thought about trying (for the like fourth time) to get a hsc (high school certificate, there r ways to get an equivalent qualification for mature age students) but idk. im at TAFE for fashion/costume and i dont really need an hsc for that. i have thought about eventually going to uni for maths though, and i would definitely have to take an entrance exam for that since i dont have an hsc. i do qualify for loads of exceptions though so its not all losses (yay disability?)

5. Can you parallel park?

never tried (have driven a total of 8 hours)

6. Do you think aliens are real?

in some form, yeah

7. Can you drive a manual car?

see q5 (no)

8. Guilty pleasure?

hmm... i believe cringe is dead and i also do/interact with surprisingly little.. i guess maybe like blind boxes? i dont get them often but theyre so expensive so i do feel guilty every time i see a kirby one and cant resist.

9. Tattoos?

nay, although now that all my friends are getting them i have been thinking about it. its not like. really on the cards bc i cant make decisions for the life of me but if i could id be so basic and get an ouroboros. and probably a guinea pig.

10. Favourite colour?

sage green, marone

11. Favourite type of music?

i'll listen to most kinds of music but i definitely gravitate to like emo, post hardcore, rock- that sort of thing

12. Do you like puzzles?

like jigsaw puzzles or? i mean i like jigsaws and i also like other kinds of puzzles. always my go to genre of game. riddles and cryptic crosswords and escape rooms my beloved

13. Any phobias?

hmm well ive got social anxiety disorder but other than that i dont think so?

14. Favourite childhood sport?

i deliberately was on every sports team in primary school at least once (except cricket lol) bc i actually did enjoy sports, but the aforementioned anxiety disorder made actually pursuing that difficult. i also did dance, gymnastics, acrobatics and trampolining at some point during childhood. i do miss acro, that was the last extracurricular i did before i got mucho depressed and my life basically stopped circa 2016. the only sport ive ever followed as a fan is tennis!

15. Do you talk to yourself?

yes lol mostly in my head but also out loud sometimes. born to be a yapper fr

16. Tea or coffee?

im a tea truther (earl grey with soy milk !!!!) and also a bubble tea fiend, BUT i will fuck up a mocha (or an iced coffee with enough milk and sugar to cover the bitterness)

17. First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

i was a veritable horse girl from a VERY young age so probably something related to horses?? like a showjumper maybe.

18. What movies do you adore?

love a good (or laughably bad) horror movie. a cure for wellness, orphan, killing of a sacred deer r all movies gave 5 stars. also love a good children's animated movie! unironically a big fan of the secret life of pets movies, ferdinand, that sort of thing. g-force remains the best movie of all time.

i am tagging: @soronya @tennis-kittens @nick-cassidy @shapovalovvs :33

[alphinias]

I hope you're willing to discuss a bit of a negative reaction to this season. I have very mixed feelings on this season and based on tumblr/twitter tags it was quite underwhelming for many. Which is sad because Jiara was their goldmine and they didnt even use them to their full potential. Most seem to agree that the amount of screentime John B got was way too much.

Then its also the fact that they actually went full on magic which i was not a fan of. It no longer felt like a silly treasure hunt by a group of friends but a completely different genre.

Then there's the fact that they broke up the group for most of the season and made it all about the pairs which felt way too forced. Suddenly all of them are falling in love with each other.

Jarah because toxic af. They should totally break up. Sarah is cheating and lying to both and JB has huge anger issues.

Jiara as much as they were cute, there was still too much crumbs and not enough depth/cuteness. And if you think about it their whole storyline was them having to talk about the almost kiss/their feelings and JJ stealing Mike's money. Every episode was same story, different scenary. The writers were hardly creative. And the last episode was just bad. I wish they made them more like joking around and be oblivious about the other ones feelings and then at one moment it'd hit them and then the angst of Im not good enough for you. Instead we got them with heart eyes already in episode 1 and it felt odd because with the exception of s2e10 there was no indication that Kie was in love with JJ. Sure, they were on that island for a month but as a viewer you dont feel that its been so long. And the almost kiss in ep 3 came out of nowhere, and then they built the whole season around it. And when they finally kissed, it was quick and in the dark. I feel like as much as we want to think it was cute, no one dreamt about it happening this way. It was the most anticipated kiss for years and it happened in public by actual girls clapping. JJ's reaction to it made me like the scene but if you think about it, it was a bit absurd. In the end we got them together which is great but at what cost.

I think the writers did a poor job this season and it shows in the media reviews the season is getting.

I mean, that’s fair. It’s valid to have criticisms of things. I’ve complained about a fair few of those things myself, especially the lack of pogue dynamic and lackluster finale, so I can’t say I completely disagree. The season definitely wasn’t perfect by any means (and there was some missed potential in areas) but I like to keep my blog a positive esc place so I probably won’t post too much negativity about something I mostly enjoyed! Hope y’all understand that.

On early the Jiara almost kiss: I will fully admit it wasn’t what I was expecting at all. I panicked for a second about it, but I actually do think it made sense. They did a pretty good job setting up the shift for Kie in 2x10 and 3x01 alone (and for JJ being more comfy with it in 3x01), and when you consider the fact that they’ve known each other their whole lives and have probably had some dormant feelings (on kie’s part) for a while I personally think it makes sense. I also liked their first kiss!! I thought it was adorable and fit the tone of them this season, but I do really think we deserved more follow through and maybe another kiss in the finale. That’s what I really keep coming back to.

I think for me the things I loved about the season I REALLY loved, but there were also things that irked me more than usual too.

[swiftfootedachilles]

I love the Ghost Hunters AU and I really want more of Salem. Especially Salem with the Milkovich siblings.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 thank you. ive always wanted a black cat named either princess or salem and i thought it would make sense since its a ghost hunter au (even tho i skipped over all the ghost stuff so my post wasnt a million words long) with terry not around i feel like the milkoviches would love playing with animals. Salem is a very adventurous, people-loving cat! you know, the kind of cat people say were a dog in their past life. of course she loves the gallaghers too! even carl makes a point to be nice to her (after, when she was a kitten, ian beat him up for making a joke) but the milkoviches dont really get to show affection ever, so they love getting to play with her and scratch her lil belly and give her treats they stole from the pet store. they all adore her but ofc after ian and mickey get together and he comes over to the gallaghers a shitton, mickey becomes her 2nd dad. he goes to the top of her favorite people list. nobody else plays with her the way he does! hes not afraid to get a little rough, but he knows whats signs to look out for when a cat is not playing/irritated. shes still young and she loves playing!! imagine toddlers who like getting thrown around because its fun, shes like that. she gets kicked out and put in a different room when they fuck, and she uses this time to get in as much trouble as possible, knock shit over, and annoy anyone else in the house. ALSO she LOVES liam!! they literally grow up together and fiona teaches him how to treat animals so by the time hes like 5, she moves from sleeping with ian to sleeping with liam

i imagined ian and mandy meeting at the same time, so when salem is 2 that would be s3 ish. when he first found her, ian had just started his job and scrounged up every penny he could find to take her to a low cost clinic to get spayed and vaxxed. other than being skinny and dehydrated (and ofc separated from her mom as a kitten) she was in surprisingly good shape! now shes so used to being spoiled by everyone! ian LOVES taking care of others and being of service so he really found a home in Salem, treating her like his kid and giving her the best life possible. i definitely think once he gets diagnosed with BD, he pays (with mostly mickeys money lbr) for her to be his emotional support animal and takes her to as many pet friendly places at possible!

like i said she becomes kinda the mascot of the ghost hunting youtube channel they eventually start. its not something they see as a career or anything, they do it as a hobby, but they gain decent attraction and make extra money on the side from ads and a few brand deals. ofc Salem is the reason everyone watches the channel 🙄 she's in pretty much every video, and they chose her as their icon bc 1. black cat spooky duh 2. she brought them together 🥺 3. she really does show up A LOT in videos, especially when they're not urban exploring/hunting and at home recording the historical backgrounds and debriefings for each location. also yes they do urban exploring as well, thats mainly mickey and mickey and whatever milkovich wants to tag along and graffiti an abandoned building. imagine a combination of The Watcher and Dan Bell (omfg now im imagining them doing Another Dirty Room???? 😭 they would be so offended at paying money for rooms worse than their own back in the southside) but with less production value

ok omg i wrote so much im gonna stop now before i go off the rails again. how did i fall in love with this random ass au from a trope generator. reminder that i accidentally deleted the og post so it wont turn up in searches unless youre on my blog or the blog of anyone else who rbed it :)

[omegasmileyface]

some things fuck up your life if you dont do them. this post wasnt supposed to be about EVERYTHING, im a hedonist myself and a nig believer that if somwthing isnt working for you you should quit. fuck it. but, like, the thing i was originally doing in this post was an accounting lesson, because i paid hundreds of dollars for an accounting course because i hated my job and needed a certification to get a job i could almost begin to tolerate. if i did do it, i would be bored for 20 minutes. if i didnt do it, i would have wasted money i cant afford, plus the month of labor i had already put in, and i would still be just as unqualified for accounting jobs, and so i would either continue to not have a job (which i really cant afford) or have to get a job that makes me feel like dying every day forever

its about prioritization. means and ends. picking up a book i want to read is boring, but ill feel way better after reading it. calling the theater to order a ticket is terrifying, but ill be much happier after i watch the show. starting the essay feels like sticking my hand in a toilet but not having done the essay would ruin my one chance at a grade.

due to the season i posted this, lots of the comments have been along the lines of "this is a sign for my to do my taxes" and... yeah. if you do your taxes bored, you have one boring afternoon. if you do your taxes scared, you have a couple hours of checking up on yourself, and pausing midway to make sure your breathing is ok. if you do your taxes shitty (in the us), you get a letter from the irs that says "hey we need another $20" / "hey you gave us an extra $20" and you fix it. but if you don't do your taxes? that's when the real trouble starts

i am a strong believer that "cheating" is mostly fake, and you should make something easy and pleasant for you however possible. watch tv while folding laundry, store your toothbrush in the kitchen, whatever. also that you should be allowed to figure out for yourself what deserves your attention and quit things, even if it means "giving up" on a long-term goal of yours or "wasting" progress or disappointing someone. but i also think you have to do things sometimes, or at least start things, in order to have fun and pleasure (and do moral good) in life. you deserve slow-dopamine-release hobbies, and not facing consequences for failed responsibilities, and your friends deserve a friend who does (some) things with them and generally doesnt flake.

with all that in mind, its possible youre the kind of person for whom "waiting for the right time" actually ends up getting a right time before it's too late, or for whom you only feel really shitty about things if they're bad enough that you genuinely shouldn't do them. if so, that's genuinely awesome! but for most of the people seeing this post, there's some kind of disability or illness or just-plain-habit making that more difficult (i have seen this post tagged adhd a million times, and autism, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, and ocd a hundred times each (/hyperbole))... to quote a comment ive seen on it several times, from different people, "if I didn't do things bored i would never do things at all"— i go "uuuugggghhhh" everytime i think about my hobbies, or my career, or spending time with my friends, or being in public, or leaving my house, or just about anything else. but i still want those things. so, i made this reminder that when you think "well, ill do it later— i cant do it right now. the time isn't right; im bored" that "its boring" doesnt necessarily mean you cant/shouldnt do it. its a rule you made for yourself, and it has its defensive purposes, but you have to recognize it and know when its time to break it, you know? not everything has to be perfect, and not all positive motion needs to be immediate. you gotta plan for the future on neurotransmitter stocks sometimes

does that make any sense? sorry if at any point it came off accusatorily! i didnt mean it that way but i just woke up >< thank you for the comment!

realizing that sticking to the "do it bad" "do it scared" mentality implies theres also a "do it bored"

[izzasecretredacted]

last night i tried to compare the kendrick/drake beef to the james somerton scandle, as if a decades worth of very racial cultural context could be explained that easily and like i even have that complete enough of an understanding to even speak as authoritatively as i did in that moment... it really drives home just how segrigated the internet, i honestly believe that ive been being treated as top white ally good job just for saying shit thats too obvious to be worth mentioning to anyone paying attention, and for the stunning observation that black people also have stuff to say about black art...

anyway todd in the shadows released his vid on the beef. it sucks. spread the word to any lost hazbin fans that have commited the sin of thinking a vaguely leftist music critic would surely have something useful to say. like, i feel both a little vindicated and even more like a reductive idiot for my james somerton comparison. one of the two big names in that situation, which was primarily about a privilaged member of a marginalized group exploiting every community within that group for fame and fortune, all of a sudden has the gall to say drake really does respect hip-hop actually no really.

just wanna drive home how fucking bullshit that is. i can already see so many elevated white minds watching that video thinking thats all they need to understand whats happening and to dismiss it entirely. ya no nothing to see here just some sour predictable drama lets all talk about fucking macklemore thats the progressive thing to do not like kendrick has had shit about palistine for years already all eyes on the guy whos greatest contribution to the culture was publicly apologizing for snubbing a grammy from him great work yall

not gonna tag this post cause ive said enough for a white voice already and im honestly trying (and tbf failing) to stay off tumblr for a bit anyway, but i just needed to get this out. just been real embarrased by how white leftists have been acting and how my being lost on how to navigate it shows that i myself dont know as much as i should

and one more thing, fucking stop with fucking south park. entirely. stop referencing it uncritically, its a fucking transphobic show it should not be acknowledged for any reason other than to talk about how fucking bigotted it is