#i did not need my heart it’s cool
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Also, I am watching Good Night Oppy (the documentary about the mission of the Mars rover Opportunity) because apparently I want to Cry. And aside from the NASA crew who worked on the project all lovingly referring to Opportunity and its sister Spirit as "she" and talking about how much the whole project meant to them, the lead engineer on the Spirit program, when talking about the end of Spirit's mission, just gently goes "I guess she was tired too, after all the work she had done" and just. Hang on. Hang on I need a second
#space!!!#opportunity rover#it is about the universal human urge to look at the stars! to explore! to bond with non human things like the intensely social apes we are!#anyway i am gonna fuckin cry buckets when this silly little mars robot dies#even though i know it does#(heck i am already crying buckets and we've got like 30 more minutes to go)#but. okay. 'she was tired too after all the work she had done.'#okay okay#i did not need my heart it’s cool
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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pursuing the unknown
( EPHEMERWEEK 2: curiosity )
#kh#kingdom hearts#khux#kingdom hearts union cross#ephemerweek2024#kh ephemer#ephemer#i need to lay down . good lord#i thought this was gonna be easier than day 3 but i forgot i had to do a background .#granted this is easily the best background ive ever done and i really like the lighting#but my god i was out of my depth LMAO#anyway on to the question: I WISH WE GOT TO SEE THE UNION LEADERS HANG OUT MORE OUGOHUGHGHG#i also wish we got to hang out more w ephemer too..... just doing friend things.........#i get why they didnt but they couldve had special events like the sewer crew did or something....... it wouldve been so cool oughgh#myart
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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arrives 15 min late with a latte
......sup
#yosuke hanamura#persona 4#cool now that its done i can ramble in the tags#fellas im surprised hes here and done#did not think that was gonna happen#fuck i forgot smth#eh ill fix it before i make my print#anywho i might make more i might not who knows not i#yukiko is the next one i have half an idea on but also i have some shining nikki designs rattling around with my sole braincell#i also made a shadow alt for the back but idk if i like the mouth so yall arent gonna see him#also i need to find a gold foil guy that does odd sizes and like moq of 1#bc i wanna do this in gold foil#and its tarot card size bc im dumb as hell#but i want a print for my wall and i know sure as shit no one else will want one hence the moq of 1#my heart wants to make the whole major arcana for p4 but my past completed works says °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ 𝑛𝑜 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・#so whatever gets done will get done#also im gonna reblog this a lot bc i put in too many hours to get a singular note by me so like if you dont wanna see it block me lmfao#if you have any hot takes for future cards please share with the class bc i only have ideas for yukiko and a full cast she does not make fr#so uh yeah yeehaw#idk what else to ramble about but like cannot believe yosuke fucking hanamura is the first chara to get a completed piece in 5 years#im not fucking kidding#the rest were all quick graphite or abandoned#hes not even my fave in p4- thats naoto protag chan kou and nanako#boys lucky to hit top 5#he just kinda crawled into my affection like some kind of sad pathetic creature idk how it happened either#maybe hes overprocessed now that im looking at it#nope i looked too long this is it this is how he is#ill do better by the women i promise
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Pregnancy as a kink makes me uncomfortable so man am I glad your pregg Flug stuff is explicitly not kink oriented!
yeah I... don't wanna judge anyone... but it's more than that, it's downright terrifying to me. Blame my hormones bc I'm expecting irl but wow... I'm very sensitive and it feels dehumanizing. but ig that is kinda the point of the kink(?)
it's so common in fandoms!
I'm completely vanilla anyway tho, so not surprising.
I've tried to pretend for a super long time that I'm into kink, but most of them are off putting and I consider them intrusive thoughts, not fantasies. I'm kinda fluctuating between sex-repulsed and neutral (aroace) even fictional... ig kink just isn't for me. I tried so hard to get over it. I know some people in my asks/requests are gonna be disappointed but I'm sorry💔
I'm slightly ashamed of how boring I am and I have serious trouble connecting to anyone in fandoms due to this actually🤕 feel like the most NT autistic person ever.
anyway here's a doodle!
#that's autism for you#I'm sadly really picky and easily grossed out by things#I'm not even trying to be judgemental#I wish I was such a person that is just chill with everything but I have more icks than likes#so my fandom experience is like 80% discomfort and trying to avoid things without shutting out the majority of content in the first place#from what I heard I seem to have this problem particularly in this fandom bc the series is horror.#and I ship a toxic ship.#but I neither enjoy horror nor this trope. so what the fuck am I doing here#how did I get here. I'm lost guys#but yeah; it naturally attracts more people that are into quite dark or hardcore things#and I'm just sitting here with my soft dick in my hand wondering where it all went wrong#i don't belong here#I can't relate to 99% of people#honestly? I just... like Flug....... I just adore the autistic scientist#and I wanna SMOOCH him but I can't identify too well with myself or thus my sona#so how the fuck am I gonna smooch and love on this man#I need SOME second character for this!!#well Black Hat is pretty cool and easier to draw than the rest; I like his design...#so here we are.#I'm not really in it with my heart. I don't understand the essence of this ship. I'm a fandom blep#that's why a lot of content is probably disturbing and upsetting as hell to me.#but that's just my theroy..... a Joshi™ theory#sorry for rant I am bored and tired😔#enjoy#villainous#villanos#dr flug#kenning flugslys#my art#ask reply
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nickel and balloon would be so much more interesting if people explored the way nickel became everything awful that balloon used to be but so much worse ironically all in the name of "protecting" everyone from that history repeating. and not softboy tsundere yaoi or whatever is going on in those tags rn
#meeple.txt#inanimate insanity#iii they could so easily make me hate you.#nickloon arc was the worst thing to ever come out of iii#unnecessarily long and stupid and hilariously poorly written#i actually feel insane seeing how many people just accept it at face value as The Canon#i know it Is canon but i dont care. Heart❤️#we need to bring back the fandom energy of collectively rejecting the shitty writing#nickloon arc did not happen its ok. take my hand#in my heart nickel digs himself a deeper hole of denying he did any wrong and everyone at most tolerates him#fits his character built up by s2 so much better and parallels other characters too#somewhere deep in his head i feel like he knows hes wrong. but by god it should not have been that easy to ''fix'' him#hes going to deny it until it kills him bc that means facing any regret or deeper feelings he doesnt wanna deal with#and that means admitting he made mistakes which is a huge blow to his ego#and his Cool Tough Leader personality#hes not gonna give that up so easily#and i dont think its in character for him to change within the timeframe of the show tbh . at least with the time they have left now#thats like a post canon Maybe to me#the only way ill accept it really
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OOH YEAH BABY! PARTY TIME BABY! MUSIC! DRINKS! SOCIAL PRESSURE & A PSYCHEDELIC BREAK DOWN! WELCOME TO VAMPIRE SOCIETY MOTHERFUCKER! ARE YOU SCARED? DO YOU UNDERSTAND YET? ITS OKAY IF NOT. FIRE DISSOLVED IT! ITS ALL GONE NOW. HAVE FUN!
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#RRAAHH IM IN LOVE WITH THIS SHOW SOOO GOODDAMN MUCH!! each o these characters has STOLEN my HEART!!!#LIKE EMIZEEELLL i love emizel so much.. runnin around announcing that HE isa PRINCE while shiloh FINALLY quietly clicks the pieces together#nathan hanover you MADMAN!!! that slow dramatic guitar riff as emizel makes that announcement was so fuckin COOL UGHHHH#MR HANOVER DOES IT AGAIN just creating tracks that absoultely WORM into my MIND and HHEAARRT UUGHHGHH#emizel is so cool and so funny and so adorable UUGHH ill gush abt him more when i finally post my emizel n soda doodle page#ARTHUR FUCKING BENNET. i totally get why grizz has a hard time playing him. hes cool and stoic n its not easy to play a man o little words#BUT BBOOOY DOES HE DO IT WELL!! arthur DOES come off as so stoic n cool & it just makes his lil misfortunes all the more charming#like falling into the red fear or confrontin edward twilight or accidentally doing lsd. I LOVE THATS HES THE BAD LUCK GUY.#okay uhhu uhh i have limited room here what else should i say uhh. THE NPCS. MY GOD THE NPCS. CHARLIE U WONDERFUL MADMAN#edward twilight is SUCH a funny fucking antagonist. and supposedly his magic stuff is super scary?? SO EXCITED TO SEE MORE OF THAT#ill ramble abt mr deacon keller later eheh i have a. uh. a doodle page in the works. so in the meantime DAYBRINGER SOLOMON!!#“HERE COMES THE SUN MOTHERFUCKER!” “ILL SEE YOU IN HELL. NOT. IM GOING TO HEAVEN. BITCH.” like come on now. oh my god. i need him#BIG POWERFUL BEAST AND EVERY WORD HE SAYS HAS ME CRACKING UP. THE MUFFLED VOICE IN THE DARK BROKEN BY “LIGHT!”#TRULY HILARIOUS AND YET TRULY HORRIFYING. I FUCKIN LOVE CHARLIE NPCS SO MUCH. I HOPE WE SEE HIM AGAIN OHH MY GOOOODDD#OKAYokay. im normal now. ill talk abt the piece. if u read my tags this far then u get special secret knowledge abt the artistic process#IM VERY HAPPY WITH MY COLORS! i know they were hallucinating on drugs so i just recalled the times i did drugs & used that as my influence#REMEMBER KIDS! acid is totally fine if ur safe and responsible about it. do acid and then stare at my art for a bit trrruuust me. IT MOVES!#anyway i think thats all my thoughts here. thank you for looking at my art n thanku if ur one o the ppl that says nice things in the tags#U are LITERLY my life blood i pick up each of u n kiss u so sweetly on the head. remember to try acid!!!!
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Cool As I Think I Am Reprise kills me for a lot of reasons, but something that has been especially heart breaking for me is Pete's line of "One of us is in love, it doesn't take a detective." One of us is in love. It wouldn't have taken much for the line to be "The two of us are in love, it doesn't take a detective." It doesn't disrupt the flow of the lyrics. Which means that this is how Pete feels. He thinks only one of them is in love here, and considering his whole thing in this song is convincing Steph to kill him so she (and the rest of the world) will live, and those are not the actions of someone who isn't in love, he's talking about himself. Which makes me think that he doesn't think she loves him back. He thinks he's the only one in love here. Sure, he's what she wants the most, but that doesn't mean she loves him. He just knows that he loves her, and he's willing to die to save her, even if she doesn't love him back (which she does).
#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#npmd spoilers#nerdy prudes must die spoilers#pete spankoffski#steph lauter#cool as i think i am#it breaks my heart it really does#he is fully willing to sacrifice himself here for her and its devestating#those kids are going to need so much therapy after that#especially since she DID pull the trigger#thats got to have messed her up#liv talks npmd#lautski#stephanie lauter#peter spankoffski
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the October 1st stream was the first qsmp bbh stream that I stayed the whole time for, I saw people live blogging and was like I gotta get in on this.
I cant say it was my gateway drug (that award goes to the are we back stream) but it did make bbh my second main pov. It will always be so special in my heart. Now a whole year has passed wow!
also it was just so good ack! I miss the horror aspects and bads acting is always on point <3
#QBad ate ron btw it's real and canon#Qbbh told me himself#You will pry this fact from my cold dead hands I wont let it go#Him eating ron was awesome character development and also just super cool#In my heart ron's happy ending was just qbad making stuff up because he needed it#He did bring up the idea of when they would visit ron it was qbaghera and the kids just being kind to bad#While ron was actually taxidermied <- rubbing my hands together evily yesss so good#Glad he leaned into his character eating stuff more ngl#I love you qbbh <3#I miss him 😔#🐛 <- murmuring
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NO YOU’RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE MAJIMA STUFF THOUGH. GOD. God forbid you speak poorly about the fandom silly guy etc etc. I rt’d one post about someone being annoyed abt majima getting an insane amount of merch (especially compared to other characters- even other PLAYABLE characters) and suddenly my TL is filled with ppl taking it as a personal attack….. like?? Settle down???
My one fear is that instead of Mine content we’re just gonna get Majima Saga 2 for yk3 and rgg will call it a day. WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY ABOUT THE GUY !!! GENUINELY!!!
at this rate we’re going to have a complete record of Majima’s life from birth until modern day bc you knowww they’re never gonna let the cash cow die or retire. + god I lowkey need the 3jimas to break up Now so saejima and daigo can stand on their own again (w/out being overshadowed by Majima)…. Saejima especially… I miss the days when he felt like a character………
(I may have a lot to say on the topic) (he’s a fun character but at this rate I’m getting so sick of the fandom around him)
gen is kinda funny how when there's the Monthly Critique Of Majima post on twitter the rggtwt part of the tl is flooded with majima fans being upset. its like clockwork really LOL
as for saejima, i do miss him being solo... like he's funny with majima at times, but as wack as Y4 was i still really liked his coliseum scene, and his prison adventures in Y5 were a real treat too..
#snap chats#like you say one mild comment about majima in passing and then you have mates acting as if you burned their crops#like .. its never this serious .. also i think people have the right to be a littttttle miffed that other charas barely get anything#its starting to change with the plushies and saejima/akiyama figures so thats great but. still a way to go LOL#its just esp Lol inducing because kiryu and ichi are protagonists so it makes sense for them to get stuff#but majima is quite literally a side character that wasnt meant to have this much popularity#the concept of a chara becoming popular by accident isnt bad thats not the thing- its even cool when that happens#its just sometimes you just see people act really entitled to stuff for that character while every other chara is ignored#and then the same people acting surprised when others go 'actually ive had a bit enough of this guy'#honestly if they did another majima segment for a hypothetical yk3 id laugh. like id be a bit annoyed but id mostly laugh#cause truly what else is there. he's like a comic book character we just gotta keep making situations for him til hes 90#idk. just so funny majima's been given a sort of 'weird' protagonist status#and i say weird because he IS a protagonist but just compared to how he actually functions throughout y1-y6. lol. lmao even#like youre right in that majima's a fun character but he really is better in just small doses imo#or. at least i need people to relax on the idea of a 'majima gaiden' or making him any more prominent in the games than he is now#anyway i cant be bitter posting my dad is being funny as hell. he got us bracelets and he was like#'in our family you and i are the only ones who like these. makes us cool' and i was like 'yeah dad we're so cool'#and this old man is just 'we're so cool ☺️' LIKE PL E A S E THE EMOJI TOOK ME OUT. i love my dad. all bitterness is gone from my heart#anyways bye if rgg gives majima a saga in yk3 im gonna livestream playing that and only that#not even yk3 just the majima part 😭😭😭😭
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I know I JUST said that I would be too busy to make art in the coming days but I. did it anyway. guys looks it’s lethia I love him so much. look he even has little bug-person symbol flags he’s so cool (HE DOES NOTHING) (SERIOUSLY HIS ENTIRE PURPOSE IS THAT HE DOESNT DO ANYTHING AND NOBODY REMEMBERS HE EXISTS) (HE WAS RELEVANT FOR ONE MINOR INCIDENT AND EVEN THEN EVERYONE FORGOT HE WAS THE START OF IT ONCE A WIDER CONVERSATION ABOUT THE INCIDENT STARTED)
#pdbc#art#ughhh I love him so much!!! if only he did more#I say that as if there’s something stopping me from giving him a bigger role#he just wouldn’t be the same if he was important…..he’ll be confined to random doodles and being in the background forever#still working out his design. this is Probably final but I might tweak some stuff#first of all I dunno if the arm fluff should go on the elbow or wrist. both would seem too cluttered#second of all I need to well. make him not look so cluttered#I want ti make it obvious he’s a privet hawk moth and those have really cool stripes but stripes are a one way ticket to cluttered designs#like even when drawing it I got confused where his leg was because it blended in with his abdomen yiiiikes okey#also his eyes are Probably more drooped but I just wanted to draw him wide eyed and goofy lookin#my beloved…..making him trans also made me more comfortable in being queer so he has a special place in my heart#I should draw the bug people more I love them. they’re so small too#like most characters are above average height (around 5’8+—#there must be something in the water on fincg island considering one of the only characters who isnt tall isnt from there. anyway)#but the bug people are around 3 to 4 feet tall. sure they’re rapidly evolving bugs but they’re still bugs they’re gonna be a lil short yknow#tumblr crashed when I posted this this is a hate crime (it is because I’m yapping way too much in the tags)
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hi it's been a month and a new . hold. is over me. it's called hollow knight. and. I have. like. 50 hours in it. in the past two weeks. 150ish total. and i've almost 100%'d it achievement wise. I already got the pure completion/112% completion achievement the only thing I have left is um the p5 ending which i've gotten really close to. I got to abs-rad last time which is funny because the time before that I got to pv before dying and that's also funny because the time before THAT I got to nkg so each time I only got one boss further so hopefully next time if I make it past pv again i'll beat abs-rad (ofc I need to practice against her but yk (I'm so bad at fighting her)) ALSO tiso is my favorite character he's the best he's my favorite ant EVER second place goes to god tamer she's cool. I hate fighting her tho she actually can ruin my p5 run. boooo. grimm gets me my health back tho he's real one. anyways ig unpopular opinion but I LOVE godseeker idc that she hates ghost in a normal playthrough I heart her she's the best :) and I like cloth a lot too that's a normal opinion I think cloth is really neat! hive knight is also my second favorite character. I loveee the little bit of lore we actually get about him and I like how he goes "bzzz huzzah!" because that's so real hive knight!! huzzah!! and pure vessel. pv. oughh they're totally my favorite fight with hive knight being my second. pure vessel is so much funnn like idc that they already deal double damage like. they're soo much fun!!!! and speaking of vessels lost kin is also the best lost kin makes me want to cry sometimes. ough the nod after you finish the dream battle I KNOW THE LORE I KNOW WHAT THAT NOD MEANS RAHHHHH. I also like monomon and quirrel a lot. jellyfish and pillbug combo my beloved.. I want. the next username I need to make. monomonn. because I love her. and I think her name is super neat. also nkg is pretty cool but like his name is kind of. middle schooler. nightmare king grimm.. muah ah ah... but he's a fun fight he's an enjoyable fight. idc that he's also double damage it's fun!! it's so much fun I love how. he's .pink. anyways. yeagh. bzzz HUZZAH! bzzzzz HUZZAH!
#holy yap..#anyways I saw some like. INCREDIBLE pins. that were of the hollow knight charms#and oh my goddd I want all of them..#idc that it's 70 whole dollars for a set of ten rahhgghhg....pretty.. charms...pins...#I feel like tuk rn but i. don't care (tuk is a hoarder character in hollow knight sdhfdk)#also the mantis lords are SO COOL I LOVE TEH MANTIS TRIBE WOOOOO#YEAHHH SISTERS OF BATTLE!! WOOO YIPPEE#also I found mirei guys she's in hollow knight! help she's stuck in there and can't leave!! they changed her name to Myla!! free herrrr#oh and with the pins I WNAT THE SPELL TWISTER AND SHAMAN STONE ONE RAHHGHHGHHHH#also. the mosscreep THE MOSSCREEP!!!! and maybe even the delicate flower. or shrumal warrior. wah!. so real shrumal warrior.#ohh what were the others.#wayward compass LMAOO#ohh quickslash was so pretty.. like I'm not a quickslash gal but it was so prettyyy. wait did they have. unbreakable heart.#I don't think that they had unbreakable greed. they had strength! but I'm not really a strength gal either#omg bro I KNOW there were at least 8 charms I wanted I have to find them#ok Etsy tab is open thank u for the 15% discount code <3#MARK OF PRIDE AND HIVEBLOOD#ok mark of pride. hiveblood. mosscreep. spell twister. oh no shaman stone or delicate flower..#okokokokok these are the ones that I will get#mark of pride. hiveblood. mosscreep. spell twister. shaman stone. delicate flower. shrumal warrior. wayward compass.#'Each pin has been made to scale to match the official Fangamer Hollow Knight plush.' OMG I LOVE YOU?#STOP THATS SO THE BEST#oh I'm going to spend so much money on this dear god#57 bucks but shipping is like 1081924 dollar so I think it's gonna end up being around 70. it makes sense it's super far from me but ough..#we gotta remove one. shucks.#hiveblood I need to keep because of hive knight yk. mark of pride is just so iconic to me and I loveee the mantis tribe so yea#spell twister is my favorite charm and shaman stone is meant to look like my pookie snail shaman. and is also one that's always equipped#delicate flower is the doomed lesbians quest how could I remove that?? shrumal warrior is the best I love. hm.#mosscreep stays. oh but do I get rid of compass or WAH!!#oh I have to keep shrumal warrior. I'm sorry compass i'll come back for u trust me
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i feel bad sometimes because all my dolls just sit on shelves all day so i've decided to take a few with me to work the next couple days! i decided to start off with abbey ^^
#she was just chilling on the counter all day! (no pun intended)#i worried my boss would like tell me that i shouldn't put her out but she actually didn't mind ^^#i will get to more of the reblog games tonight!! i just need a little time to wind down because today was A Day#today was really hectic but abbey was great moral support ehe#i want to bring scarah tomorrow but i'm a little worried because she's like. a rarer more valuable doll you know#but i don't think anyone would notice or care..#she's a recent acquisition and she's soooo cool#it's i heart fashion scarah by the way i didn't get the sdcc one sjhjssj#i wish i did have her though...i thought it was so cute that she came with hoodude#but as of now that set is prohibitively expensive#but i heart fashion scarah is so cute i love her like 60s-inspired look with her little lab coat and go-go boots#what do you have to say doll?
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*jk vc* wE AHYR sO CRIMSAHN BAHCK awHN bABEY!!! ;) <3 xX
#Spotify#;juxebox.#i am sorry i could not let the playlist die with me ( and come back like ravenstan leEEEGOOO! ) it was stylecarrying me#i hope y'all enjoyed/enjoyed it i put a lot of love into it#i am also adding holiday and christmas bops somewhere between rs and jk bc the last part is in december#and its also the holiday season so merry xXmas and crimsondawnakah mothafuckaaaaaaaaa#let me cook on hannukah songs i need a second#i am okay; just anxious and trying to regain my footing because i got a little too overwhelmed ( we love self sabotage )#thank you for being kind to me; i love you and i promise i won't disapeear into the ether again i hope u think the blog looks cool#these are suck bangers i promise i tried to make them rel#faint is still so funny i will never stop laughing and its a bop#BUT COVER OF SANTA BABY BY MICHAEL BUBLE IS STILL FUCKING FUNNIER HELP LIKE NOT HIM REACHING HARD#AS FUCK TO BE STRAIGHT TO FUCKING SANTAAAHILSKKDS LIKE SANTA pAPI>?SD?D?S? MIKEY BESTIE COME AWWHWWnWwNN#where is the drunk jersey kyle christmas party where he says santa pai white boy wasted so i CAN LAFF AND FEEL JOY#FOR ONCE KLSHDHSL LIKE I KNOW IT WAS SO FUNNY HELP MY ENTIRE BODY VIBRATES WITH EVIL LAUGHTER#LIEKSKDDKL I KNOW RAVENSTAN WAS LIKE OHHHHHHHHH MY GOD NO AND THREW UP A HAND HEART IM CRYInG#please god tell me someone recorded it ( just kidding i know everyone did god bless them not all heros wear capes )
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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