#i did not mean to spend as long as i did on the first one but i was having fun

[cosmicporos]

What Arcane characters would gift you for Christmas!

Jinx, Vi, Ekko, Viktor, Jayce

(Semi crack Drabble… sorry for going super long with Viktor’s and Jayce’s HCs. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH)

(Jayce is Hispanic in my hc :3)

ENJOY AND HAVE FUN LOVE YALL<3

Not proofread

JINX

Hear me out… the first thing she would plan to gift you are decorated safety googles.

As a matter of fact everything she gifts you is handmade!

She knows you love to spend time with her when she’s in her workshop and the extra spare of googles she had were pretty crappy…

“Ugh, these old things? Pfft, they look like they’ve been through a freakin’ explosion… oh wait, they probably have! We gotta get you a new pair soon toots!”

They’d be totally decked out! Lots of character as she calls it.

“Okay toots check it out! Maximum protection but most importantly! They got style!”

The googles themselves would be in her classic style, very colorful paint, cute little heart scribbles all around! And of course lots of glitter….

“"I mean, you've got to stay safe while causing mayhem, right? And hey, if we're blowing stuff up together, you'll definitely need these. Plus, I made them perfectly for you. No one else will have goggles like these... trust me!"

I totally see her adding little handmade jewelry from her gears and spare parts, would totally make you a belt or choker out of spare bullets.

Vi

She would totally panic on what to get you for Christmas. Like what if you suddenly hate the thing you’ve loved since the very beginning she’s known you???

Would end up both buying and making you something!

She’s make you something small but meaningful

“Okay Okay fine! You can open mine now. Just don’t laugh too hard Cupcake…”

You’d open the poorly wrapped gift to uncover a bright pink scarf she knitted you! The stitching is a mess.. there a hole’s through the project (no doubt a missed stitch) but in all honesty it so cute you feel like your heart might explode.

"Yeah, I know I'm not, uh, the best at this kind of thing," she mutters, scratching the back of her neck, "but I figured you could use something to keep warm... and, you know, 'cause it's winter. And... you're important to me."

Guys please tell her she did an amazing job PLEASE.

She would also totally buy you a pair of combat boots! Totally saved up for months in advance.

She loves the idea of being able to match and have a bit of her style on you!

Ekko

Just like Jinx (sobs) he’d also make something for you!

The first thing he’d give you would be a little sketch book full of drawings of you from random moments throughout your relationship he remembers oh so clearly.

"I've been working on it for a while... It's... it's just a bunch of drawings. I mean, not just anything. Stuff that made me think of you. Stuff we've done, or things I hope we do. I don't know, it just felt like the best way to show how I feel about... well, us."

Okay he would also totally make you matching jewelry (matching clock hand necklaces?)

You’d force him to take the hour hand since it’s shorter (heheheh little man)

Once you explain your reasoning as to why he should take the smaller one he sighs disappointedly…

"Okay, okay, I get it," he finally says, a little less playful now, his voice softening. "I guess if you want me to wear it, I can..."

Then, a grin creeps back onto his face as he adds, "But don't think I'm letting you off the hook with the minute hand. You're wearing that one for sure." He places the hour hand necklace around his neck, the smaller pendant resting there, and looks up at you with that mischievous gleam in his eye.

He pauses, holding up his necklace, "I'm still the one with the bigger job. You'll just have to keep up." A proud smug smirk now rests on his face.

Viktor

FUCK WHERE DO I BEGIN I LOVE THIS MAN

o k a y. He would just like Vi panic… not because he doesn’t know what to get you but because he totally is going Christmas shopping late… very very late.

As much as I would love to say he’d make some little invention to make your day easier and give it to you for Christmas I don’t see it happening.

Not because he wouldn’t do it but because he already does it all the time! A little example, you’re late for work often? A little robot that hits you with a plastic squishy hammer every morning at 7 am waking you up when he can’t!

He’d definitely want to make Christmas special, I see him buying you something and then doing something special for you too!

Christmas morning would be greeted with warm hugs and kisses along with an even warmer bowl of potato soup!

He wanted to make sure he perfected his mother’s Bramboračka recipe. It was a once a year meal him and his mother shared every Christmas day.

He’s not a good cook by any means… but this is the one dish he can make and oh boy can he make it.

"Don't expect perfection," he says with a small, self-conscious smile, as you catch him sneaking a taste of the soup. Viktor looks up, his gaze softening. "I hope you like it," he says, and despite his usual perfectionism, there's a quiet pride in his voice. You take a sip, and the rich flavors of mushrooms, potatoes, and herbs immediately comfort you, just like his mother's love must've comforted him all those years ago.

OKAY for the making gift he planned I see him commissioning something due to the fact a lot of his inventions lack aesthetics.

Specifically I see him commissioning a music box that functions as a a jewelry box as well! He would have loved to make it himself but he was worried he wouldn’t have gotten the look right.

"Do you like it?" he asks, his voice softer than usual, as if he's worried about the reception. "I had it made... I thought... it might remind you of us."

The detail was breathtaking-floral patterns etched into the surface, with tiny gears and delicate metalwork accenting the edges. The craftsmanship was stunning, and you couldn't help but run your fingers over the smooth finish.

you lifted the lid, and a gentle, lilting melody began to play. It was slow and sweet, a tune that felt timeless, and as you stared at the tiny figurines inside, your breath caught.

His fingers fidgeted with the edge of his cane, his gaze flicking between you and the music box. "I commissioned it," he admitted, his voice quieter now. "I had the craftsman use a sketch I made. It's how I see us... in my mind. How I feel when I hold you." He paused, his expression softening. "I thought... I thought you deserved something that would remind you of that. Of... how much you mean to me."

Jayce

Oh hon… Jayce would spoil you rotten.

I’m talking presents are overflowing underneath the tree.

You thought you lost your favorite piece of clothing? WRONG! He commissioned for more to be made in different colors and textures for you.

All the fragrances in the world he knew you would enjoy.

Cozy adorable pajamas we would give you Christmas morning so you could cuddle up drinking hot chocolate.

Spends Christmas Eve spoiling you and cuddling and being so tooth rottenly sweet.

It’s Christmas Eve, the scene was almost overwhelming. The living room looked like a perfectly curated holiday catalog-twinkling lights, a roaring fireplace, and, of course, an absurd number of gifts. Jayce sat cross-legged beside the tree, an excited grin lighting up his face as he handed you the first box. He had merely grinned, sheepish yet unrepentant. "What can I say? I got carried away?.”

"Open this one first," he urged, nearly vibrating with excitement. Inside was a bottle of an exquisite fragrance, the glass etched with delicate, swirling designs. It smelled divine-rich, warm, and entirely you.

"I figured you'd like that," he said eyes carefully watching everyone expression you make. You swear if he had a tail it would be swishing uncontrollably right now.

Christmas Day would be you spending Christmas day at his mother’s house!

(Listen I’m hc them as hispanic because for one HIS MOMS NAME HIS XIMENA… and two because why not :3 )

You have a great relationship with his Mother, she absolutely adores you and sees you as her daughter.

There’s lots of yummy food she’s prepared… perhaps too much for just 3 people?

Nonetheless, a pot of pozole, tamales de puerco and de dulce! And of course she made jayce’s favorite choco flan!

God she urges to to eat until you nearly pop! You have to undo your belt by the end of the night…

"Come, sit!" his mom insisted, pulling out a chair for you. "Jayce told me you've never had my tamales. That's a crime! Here, start with this." She placed one on your plate, her eyes twinkling.

Jayce sat beside you, his grin widening as you took your first bite. "Good, right?" he asked, nudging you playfully.

You could only nod, savoring the perfectly seasoned masa and tender filling.

Later in the evening, when everyone was too full to move, Jayce leaned over and slipped his hand into yours. His eyes were soft, his voice low as he said, "I'm glad you're here. This—" he gestured to the lively scene around you, "—feels perfect with you."

[blitzwhore]

Stolas just standing there and letting blitz hug him in the end is all good, right? He is just sad because of octavia and accepting that blitz is there with him right?? It's not that he regrets chosing him, right??? (I just need affirmation)

You know what? I've found myself needing reassurance about this too. So let's take a moment to look at the facts together, shall we?

(This reply turned out way longer than I expected it to 😅 sorry!)

Fact #1 - Stolas is still coming to terms with the consequences of his actions. He spends the whole episode finding out just how much his life has changed. Learning how to navigate groceries, and laundry, and meals, and having a job, and worrying about money.

Mid-episode, he has a breakdown where he truly questions if everything he gave up was worth it just for a fantasy. At this point in the episode, he still hasn't realised how much he means to Blitz. As far as he's concerned, he did all of this for someone who doesn't reciprocate his feelings. By the end of the episode, though, his feelings have settled enough for him to express what he has known to be true all along: that saving Blitz was the right thing to do.

What Stolas regrets isn't saving Blitz's life, or even loving Blitz in the first place.

What he regrets are the choices he made that led them to this. He feels guilty for selfishly (or, rather, naively) playing out his fantasies. He's the one who established the deal, who let Blitz illegally use the book for many months, who wasn't always sensible about how he expressed his love for Blitz publicly and despite being married, and who allowed himself to ignore the reality of his situation so he could live in his own, personal romcom—all of which ultimately led to the events of Mastermind and the loss of Via.

And all the guilt and regret he's grappling with (however justified it might be) is exacerbated by fact #2, which is:

Fact #2 - Stolas is off his medication. He's been off it for a month now. Symptoms of depression (especially untreated depression) include mood swings, irritability, self-hatred and low self-esteem, passive/active suicidal ideation, pessimism and hopelessness about the future, catastrophising, black-and-white thinking, and anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure and to find joy in things—and people—who used to bring you it). All symptoms Stolas exhibits throughout this episode.

So, even if he shows a lack of emotion toward Blitz at times, or irritation to seemingly minor things like low doors or "secretating" or Karen's behaviour, even if he acts regretful and angry and desolate... a lot of these emotions and behaviours are a result of his depression, and not of actually hating the life he chose.

Fact #3 - Stolas loves Blitz. He always has, and always will. I could point at a thousand different moments in the show when Stolas' love for Blitz has transpired, but I'm going to leave it at his line from Mastermind: "I would rather be dead than live life without you by my side."

Even after everything they've gone through, even now that he's taken Blitz off his pedestal and can acknowledge that Blitz can be a fucking idiot... Stolas simply does not want to live a life without Blitz. It has always been Blitz. It will always be Blitz.

Stolas loves Blitz.

Fact #4 - Stolas kissed Blitz. Before he truly hits rock bottom as a result of Octavia cutting him out, Stolas is so ecstatic that Blitz cares, that Blitz was willing to go to such lengths to save his life, that he can't hold back the need to kiss Blitz mid-air. Suddenly, none of his earlier frustration matters. Nothing matters expect for how elated he is that Blitz loves him back. So he smiles and he pulls Blitz into a kiss because he can't bear not to kiss Blitz for a moment longer.

Look at this man. Look at how happy he is. Because it's always been Blitz, and maybe it was a fantasy for a long time, but it doesn't have to be anymore. Maybe this can be real now. He's so happy he (and I) could cry.

Fact #5 - Stolas didn't deny loving Blitz. When Via said "You don't love me, you love him," the script very purposefully did not have Stolas go "no, no, Via, that's not true—" or say anything else that might make Blitz doubt, even for a moment, that Stolas loves him. Because that much is true. He does love Blitz. He just also loves Via. Which brings me to:

Fact #6 - Blitz knows Stolas loves him. At no point throughout the episode does Blitz doubt, even for a second, that Stolas loves him. And we know this because Blitz's walls remain down at all times. If Blitz doubted he was loved, if he had even the slightest of reservations, those walls would come crawling back up whether he wanted them to or not. It's what he's been trained and conditioned to do—it's how he's kept his heart safe ever since the accident.

But now, he knows his heart is safe with Stolas. He believes it enough to not depend on his walls to feel at ease. He believes it enough to let himself take care of Stolas and be soft with Stolas without the slightest trace of hesitation.

Look at Blitz's face. This is the face of a man who knows that even if Stolas isn't okay right now, things will get better. And when they do, they'll both still be in love with each other. This is the face of a man who can't wait for something beautiful to flourish between them, but who is in no rush to get there. He knows the road ahead is hard and painful, but he has faith in Stolas. In both of them.

Fact #6 - Stolas was happy to share a private, romantic dance with Blitz. Despite everything going through his mind, he found comfort and happiness in dancing with Blitz; in getting to have this little moment with him.

He found relief in the fact that Blitz stayed with him this time, even after Stolas told him, once again, that he didn't have to stay.

His reaction to Blitz initiating a dance between them is genuine surprise, immediately followed by an enamoured little smile at the mere notion that he gets to have this, now.

And, as they dance, he keeps smiling and leaning into Blitz, going as far as to manage a deep, heartfelt laugh at Blitz's words. This, for an unmedicated, depressed person going through one of the worst days of his life, is huge in itself. It shows that, even in the worst of times, he finds undeniable comfort and happiness in Blitz.

And, after their dance, Stolas looks at Blitz with a sobriety and soft sort of realisation that shows he's finally coming to terms with the fact that this is real. After everything he's lost, after all the fantasies he hoped for for so long and believed he'd never have, he finally gets to have this.

Despite the pain he's going through, Stolas looks at Blitz and sees the man he loves.

Notice how Blitz's eyes trail down to Stolas' mouth. And Stolas realises. And doesn't move away. Waiting, expectantly, for Blitz's next move, fully expecting it to be a kiss.

But then Blitz hugs him instead, and Stolas doesn't hug back.

And it's not because he doesn't want to be hugged by Blitz. It's not because his feelings for Blitz have changed, or dimmed, or disappeared. It's not because he regrets loving Blitz, or saving him. It's not because he doesn't want to have a close, healthy, loving romantic relationship with Blitz.

It's because of facts #1 (he's grappling with so much guilt and coming to terms with the consequences of his actions) and #2 (he's experiencing symptoms of unmedicated depression). And, above all, it's because of fact #7, which is...

Fact #7 - Stolas doesn't know how to be loved. Stolas has never had support. He has never had a shoulder to cry on, or someone to hold him when he needed it. When he's feeling vulnerable and broken, he defaults to hugging himself as a way to self-soothe, because that's the only comfort he's ever known.

And because he's never known comfort from others—because it was never allowed or safe for him to need or ask for comfort from others—all Stolas knows to do with his vulnerability is hide it. So much so that, the two times we see him begin to break down in front of Blitz before this episode, he either portals Blitz away or masks his tears and pain immediately. Even as he drunkenly rambles about wanting to be held, he still makes sure not to appear like he actually needs a hug.

So when he finds himself being held by Blitz in a warm, comforting hug, Stolas doesn't know how to respond. Because he's never had this. He's never had an opportunity to learn how to exist in someone's comforting embrace, how to interact with this kind of physical contact. He still has to learn how to feel safe between arms that aren't his own.

Simply put, Stolas still doesn't know how to hold Blitz back.

That doesn't mean Stolas doesn't want or need physical comfort. He needs it desperately—everyone does. But wanting something and knowing how to actually have it are two very different things, and Blitz knows that better than anyone, because he's wanted Stolas for a very long time, but didn't, until very recently, know how to feel safe accepting Stolas' love.

And that's why Blitz is completely understanding of the fact that all Stolas can do, all Stolas has the ability to do, is stand there and let himself be held, and let his emotions go through him. In, and out, with every breath, with every second. And get slowly acquainted with what being comforted by the person he loves feels like.

Thirty-something years of trauma can't be undone in a single hug, or a single conversation, and it's going to take time for Stolas to learn how to be present while in Blitz's arms, and how to return that emotional closeness.

But Blitz has faith in him. Blitz is willing to be patient and soft with him while he gets better. Blitz is ready to meet Stolas where he's at, because he knows, beyond a trace of doubt, that they love one another, and they're going to be okay. Even if Stolas doesn't know it yet—even if we, the audience don't know it yet—Blitz knows.

And that's just going to have to be enough for now.

And because this post got completely away from me, I shall conclude by quoting their song, because it summarises their story better than I ever could:

Truer love is hard to find. ❤️

[onlyhereforthestories]

Turkey Farm Traditions (Alexia Putellas x Reader)

Day 23! This is a tradition of mine and my dads. I have never not gone to get the turkey with him on Christmas eve, and yes I'm going tomorrow! Anyone got any traditions they love?

The festive season was well underway, and with it came the cold weather. Normally, you thrived in the chill, finding comfort in the crisp air and cozy nights. But this year, the winter cold only made everything seem a little sadder because of the situation you were in.

You had always gone home for Christmas. No matter what was happening in your life, you always made the trip back to England for the holidays, at the very least. But not this year. This year, you would be spending Christmas in Spain with your girlfriend of five years, Alexia.

It was the first year Alexia had expressed her dislike of spending the season apart, and she asked if you would be okay with having Christmas Day at your shared home in Spain. She had even offered to fly your parents and sister, along with her family, out to celebrate together. But you knew that wouldn't be practical.

You didn't want to spend Christmas apart from Alexia either, so you agreed. You also spoke with your mum about visiting them for the New Year instead, since there was a long gap in fixtures for your club team. They were understanding and happy to have you visit then, even suggesting that you could do a little "mini Christmas" together. That idea was more than comforting—it was a lifeline.

With Alexia's help, you managed to get all the gifts for your family sent off in time, so you knew they'd be arriving for the big day. Your joint gifts were all double wrapped for safety by Alexia, as she was always the more organized one when it came to packaging. Once that was done, you felt a little better about not being with them for the holiday.

What also helped ease the feeling was the fact that you would be hosting Alexia's mother and sister for the day. Something that terrified you, to be honest.

Both women adored you, as you did them, but there was something about Christmas that made you want everything to be perfect. The holiday had always been very special to you, and you wanted to honour that, especially in your own home.

The month of December passed in a blur. Before you knew it, you were waking up in the arms of your lover on Christmas Eve morning. The winter sun crept through a crack in the curtains, gently warming your face as you dozed peacefully, your head resting on Alexia’s neck.

“Buenos días, mi amor. We have to get moving if you want food and coffee before we need to leave,” Alexia murmured, her fingers running through your hair, her voice a soft, sleepy hum.

You almost didn’t hear her, still lost in the comfort of her touch. “Good morning, love,” you said, blinking sleepily. “What do you mean leave? Where are we going? I thought I had food to prep for tomorrow.”

You pulled yourself out of the comfortable cocoon of her neck and raised an eyebrow at the teasing smirk on her face.

“I was tasked with the turkey, sí?” she said, her smile widening as you nodded. You'd been so absorbed in your thoughts that you didn’t catch the next part.

“Well, I spoke to your dad because I know you told me you normally drive to the farm to collect the turkey with him on Christmas Eve,” Alexia continued, her voice soft but steady. “He told me he’s done it with you since you were a baby. So, I found a farm about 45 minutes away here that does turkeys. We need to go collect it before noon.”

You didn’t know what to say. A wave of emotion swept over you, and your eyes welled with tears, but you tried to blink them back, not wanting to ruin the moment. You buried your head in her neck again, overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness.

“Thank you… thank you so much,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

Alexia simply held you closer, her hands soothing as you fought to regain control of your emotions. This was a Christmas tradition you had always shared with your dad, and the fact that Alexia remembered and made it happen for you here, in Spain, meant more than you could put into words.

When you finally pulled yourself together, you kissed her deeply, pouring all your gratitude into the kiss. You knew if you tried to speak, you would only choke up.

Alexia, smiling softly, kissed you back with equal tenderness, pulling you closer when she wasn’t quite ready to let go. You spent a few more precious moments tangled up in each other, sharing lazy kisses and soft touches, until Alexia playfully pulled you out of bed and towards the kitchen.

The trip to the farm was a joy. You sang Christmas carols along with the radio, the warmth of the car and the company of Alexia making the ride feel almost magical. The festive farm was everything you hoped it would be, warm and cozy, with the scent of hay and pine in the air. Alexia’s face lit up as she saw the decorations, and you couldn’t help but smile at how happy she seemed. She even hummed along to a few of the carols as you drove there.

On the way back, Alexia managed to distract you while she dialled your dad's number. It wasn't until you heard his comforting voice, coming through the car’s speaker system, that you noticed the music had stopped.

“Merry Christmas, kiddo,” your dad’s deep voice boomed through the speakers. “I’m guessing you’ve got the turkey by now. Alexia said she’d call when you were heading back. It’s my turn to drive this year, but I’m glad you have someone to share the tradition with. Love you.”

The words made your heart swell, and you spoke with him for a few minutes before promising to call again on Christmas Day. You spoke to both your dad and Alexia until you reached home, where you could hear the turkey cooking already.

When you arrived home, all you could do was launch yourself at Alexia. She had taken a tradition so deeply rooted in your childhood and made it her own, blending your past and present together in a way you hadn't imagined possible. You felt incredibly blessed.

You knew that the present you had for her was the perfect gift, one that you had spent a long time working out. Because she had given you the best present of all: a Christmas that would forever be remembered, not just for the old traditions you’d kept, but for the new ones she had helped you create.

[galaxy-fleur]

⋆Midnight Rendezvous⋆

Pairing: Post-RE4R!Leon/gn!reader.

Summary: It's only natural to miss and long for the one you love, regardless of how accustomed you are to being apart from them. One lucky phone call can mean so much more when it's an unexpected surprise. For you and Leon alike. Or: Quick smutty drabble for @thatpyramidthing that turned into a one-shot, which then turned into a full-blown fic. Oops!

Word Count: 4k words.

Notes: Established relationship, phone sex, mutual masturbation, smut with feelings. Suspension of disbelief because people were not using their phones like this in 2000's lmao.

Credit: Divider by @/saradika-graphics

For you and Leon, spending extended periods of time apart was not an exception but rather a tried-and-true routine. That was just the nature of his job, and it couldn't be fought or challenged, only accepted and adapted to accordingly. The only thing you could do was cherish what time you did get to spend together.

This particular assignment of his was the same as any other. While you had no expectations for him to call, you can't help but beam once you see his name appear on your phone screen. Waisting no time at all, you quickly fall back into bed and answer the phone, feeling a little bit too excited for what is likely going to be a brief check-in given how busy he is normally when he's gone. Still, him calling at all is enough for your heart to race, and although it was late at night, you didn't mind at all.

For him, you'd jump up at 4 am if you had to.

"-Hey."

It's painfully obvious he has no idea what to say, probably just wanting to hear you speak more than anything else. The sound of his voice ringing in your ear makes you smile a little, even if his greeting was almost comically abrupt. Then again, you did not expect him to make a lovey-dovey speech for you or anything. That's just not the type of man Leon was, and you had no qualms with that. Moreover, he was probably very tired, anyway. You weren't about to complain over him not sounding joyful enough when he already made the effort to call you in the first place.

"Hi," you reply, shifting to lay flat on your back, your gaze staring up at the ceiling. Without his warm body here to cuddle up to, your bed felt a bit too large for your liking. However, expressing such a thought outloud was way too sappy-sounding, even for you. So, you kept the sentiment to yourself. "Did not expect you to call. Did you get a free moment?"

An ocean away, Leon slouches into his own hotel bed, cluttered with belongings haphazardly thrown abound with not much care for hospitality, his phone in his hand. What he does know, however is that he wanted, no, needed you to be over here, with him, right now. But, alas, that's a wish too ambitious to be granted. So he settles for the next best thing. And hearing your voice is definitely no reason to complain about.

He takes a deep breath, almost feeling as if his physical distance from you is the main cause of the exhaustion seeping into his bones. He missed your voice, touch, even your scent. It wasn't until he spoke to you again that he realized how much he had missed you.

"Yeah, I was surprised, too. The job's done, but they can't take me back to base yet because of the weather. So I'm just stuck here until further notice." He hesitates for a moment before adding, his voice taking on a more softer tone: "…Are you in the mood to keep me company?"

"-Is that even a question?" You laugh slightly, shaking your head, although he obviously couldn't see it from a phone call. Your reaction causes him to smile and chuckle to himself as well. God, he missed hearing you laugh. "How your mission went, by the way? Everything okay?"

Really, mission talk? His expectations were slightly higher than that.

"It was fine. Same bullshit. A bunch of bastards getting what they deserve." A part of him almost wants to act as though he's not truly alone in this dimly lit room, so he lets out another breath and turns over to lie on his stomach. It was hard to feel cozy when nothing about this place felt like home. Your voice helped with that, though. "I'm more interested in talking to you."

He hears you laugh under your breath again at his unenthusiastic answer. It wasn't necessary for him to say it outloud for you to understand that he was not interested in discussing work. Not that you blame him.

"The feeling's mutual, trust me," you murmur, a small smile audible in your voice. "Not to rush things before they happen, but I've been planning on making that braised steak for you when you get back. You know, the one you liked on Thanksgiving."

The notion of some homemade food instantly makes him feel a little more excited. The mere thought causes his tired eyes to light up a bit and his mouth to water. Guess men really don't need much to be happy, huh? What can he say, few things bring as much joy as a homemade meal from the one you love. Especially when he compares it to quick tasteless meals he got by with on the job.

"Oh really now?" His voice now has a somewhat lighter lilt to it, his words gradually regaining some of their emotion. "-Because that sounds like you're trying to butter me up for something."

He teases, but the excitement in his voice is very much genuine. You laugh, this time a muffled giggle, and the sound promts a small, warm smile to make its way onto his lips as he closes his eyes and concentrates solely on your voice through the speaker. This was nice.

"Is it so odd that I want to treat you to something?"

"-No, it's not odd. It's sweet. I appreciate it. I really do," he corrects softly, quietly expressing his appreciation. For a man who has endured far too much hardship for his age, it was refreshing to have someone care for him in such a simple yet meaningful way. After a brief peaceful pause, he speaks again in a somewhat quieter voice, nervously drumming his fingers on the bedsheets: "...Hey, can I ask... can I be a bit selfish with you for a second?"

The way he fidgets and murmurs out his request is almost bashful; it's a part of him that, all things considered, feels a little strange even to him. But he can't help it. You make him anxious, but not in the stuffy, claustrophobic way he's accustomed to. This type of anxiousness feels good. Exciting. A welcome contrast to the blood-curdling anxiety that was his unspoken partner on the job.

"How so?" You inquire, curiosity evident in your voice. You were oceans away - literally - so it's not like there was much for you two to do except talk. A part of him was honestly just going to ask you to stay on the phone with him until he falls asleep. It's a kind of a dumb request, which makes him embarrassed, but he doesn't really want to back down from it anyhow.

Leon bites his lip, slightly perplexed on how to go about it without just asking you upfront. He wasn't good at this whole 'subtlety' thing.

"I, uh… I just wanted to ask you to talk to me a little more. For a while, I mean." He pauses, lets out another sigh, and then shifts in his bed into a more comfortable position. To hell with this, he might as well just spill the beans to you now. "My mind's just filled with… crap. I’m tired. The 'I could sleep for a week straight' type of tired. But I know I’ll just end up tossing and turning for hours instead. I just... your voice would help."

You chuckle at that, the sound uplifting, as at least you're not bewildered by his request. He knows you'd gladly do a lot more than just talk for him if you were actually here. Which makes the whole separation even more difficult to deal with. He shifts onto his back, his gaze now fixed on the ceiling as he lays his head back against the pillow with a soft sigh.

"Well... I wish I could have you laying on top of me so I could play with your hair, but... I guess us just talking on the phone will have to do for now."

He feels a small, enjoyable shiver from the mental picture you conjured up for him. The sense of contentment he's always felt when you did that is something he knows by heart now. His brain always seemed to just shut itself down, nothing for him to focus on except for the sensation of your soothing touch in his hair. God knows he'd kill to have that right now.

"Yeah. You really know what to do to make me feel all better… I hate being apart like this." He shifts again, feeling a little restless due to your words and his own thoughts making him long for you ever more. He hesitates for a moment, his heart racing as he imagines your touch. If he tries hard enough, he swears he can nearly feel the ghost of your fingertips combing through his hair. "Keep going. Tell me something else."

His voice comes out a bit muffled, and he is inadvertently tightening his grip on the phone a little, almost as if it'll bring him closer to you, somehow.

"Like what?" You ask without hesitation. Well, it's better than you playing a guessing game with him, at least. You were notoriously horrible at those, anyways.

Leon takes a deep breath while he clumsily mimics your touch by idly running his fingers through his hair. His hands are not comparable to yours at all. They're rougher and completely different in size. He drops his hand back onto the sheets with a small, frustrated huff.

"Anything. Just... keep talking. Your voice, it’s…" He clears his throat and considers the precise words he should use here. He's sure on where he is going with this, either. He simply knew that he needed to hear you, and that this need was gradually developing into a full-on craving that was desperate to be satisfied. "I want to hear more of it. And... what you’d do to me if you were here."

That's subtle enough, he thinks. He's fine with you being the one to decide on the way to interpret him. He just wanted to listen to you.

But, admittedly, his brain had other ideas.

As Leon closes his eyes, his mind is racing with countless ideas, none of which are as innocent as a simple cuddle or a hand stroking through his hair. He imagines your weight settled on top of him, steadying him, your legs wrapped around his waist, your hands holding onto his shoulders as your bodies mold and move together, skin to skin, with nothing but your presence there to fill his head with. Your sweet voice whispering all the things he wants to hear, your warm breath waffling over his ear.

All the ways in which you hold him, touch him, want him.

Your voice, which sounds nearly muffled through the pleasant fog buzzing in his head, jolts him out of his fantasy.

"Oh. ...Ohhh," you draw out, the realization clear in your voice. He almost snorts in endearment. Well, at least you caught on. His heart flutters in his chest with wordless excitement as the thought causes heat to rush to his face. Nearly subconsciously, he reaches for the other side of the bed with his free hand, almost as if you would be there. Which, of course, you're not. Much to his disappointment. "We're not... talking about cuddles here, are we?"

The tone of your voice changes, and Leon's breath catches a little. He can imagine how flushed your cheeks probably look, how your heart is beating a little faster at the realization. At this point, he was too worked up to restrain himself. Besides, the cat's out of the bag now. Not much point in walking back on his own words. Biting his lip, he lets his fingers slowly slide down his abdomen as he contemplates your words. Would you be up to what he has in mind? He hopes you would.

"No. No we’re not." He reaches for his belt and slowly starts to unfasten it. The button on his jeans is next. Then the zipper. The release of some tension causes him to inhale sharply, feeling the cool air against his skin, a small shiver running up his spine. He closes his eyes. "Keep. Talking."

His tone is direct, curt, rough. It's the same one often uses on the job, perfect for giving out clear orders in the heat of the moment, but using it under these circumstances definitely hits a little different. Especially for you. He can hear your breath quicken just a tiny bit, wordlessly reassuring him that you are, indeed, just as into this as he is. He smiles a little at the thought, feeling both relieved and little amused. He can imagine you lying there, your mind running hundred miles an hour to come up with a response while holding the phone up to your ear. He wonders if your other hand is wandering south now, too.

"Well I'd, uhm..." He lets you take your time and get your bearings, not hurrying you further. Hell, he's perfectly fine with you pulling out of this if it just wasn't clicking for you. He made his intentions clear. Now it was up to you to make the call, whatever it was. On any other day, he'd be the one getting all awkward over talking of these things outloud, but today, his mind is focused solely on your voice coming through the speaker. He hears you sigh, a sound steadying, and he feels himself smile. There you go. "I'd... want to kiss you. Long. Until we're both out of breath. And you get that dazed look in your eyes. You look so beautiful when you get like that. And just from me kissing you, too."

Leon listens to every word with keen interest, his eyebrows raising as you create a vivid picture in his mind for him to mull over. It was relatively tame, but it was a good starting point. Not to mention genuine. He can almost sense the warm touch of your lips against his, the taste of you on his tongue. You calling him beautiful was a nice cherry on top, making his breathing quicken in turn.

With his movements jerkier and clumsier than usual due to the excitement that was now steadily flowing through his veins, he quickly pulls his shirt over his head. He doesn't really look where it lands, just throwing it somewhere to the side with zero regard for decency. Not like it matters.

With his eyes still closed, he moves his hand slowly down his bare chest, grazing each ridge of his abs with his fingertips before lowering it further. He tries to mimic the manner in which you would touch him from memory. It's not a flawless attempt, bit it's good enough in his books. He can't help but groan softly, finding himself wanting to press into his own touch, if only to feel even the fraction of how your affection would feel like upon his battered body.

"And then?" He prompts, his voice lower now, charged with underlying tension hanging in the air. He knows full well that you can probably sense the hunger and anticipation he's not trying very hard to conceal. He wishes he could actually see you right now. But, alas, this will have to do.

"-What are you doing right now?" Your voice breaks him out of his momentary fantasy, his heart picking up speed in his chest as he focuses on you: every little change in your breathing, the dip in your tone, the words you choose to say to him. He hears you swallow before continuing: "What would you have me do if I was there? I could... y'know, go from there."

His heart swells with affection as he laughs a little. You weren't very slick. Then again, you never were. He liked you for that. It was painstakingly clear that you were just eager to hear exactly what he was up to. He was happy you were enjoying yourself.

He moves again, lying on his side, and switching the phone to loudspeaker while resting it on the cushion next to him before sitting back up to get comfortable. His own breath comes out shakily now, charged with rising arousal. Slowly, his other, free hand moves up his stomach, stopping at his chest. He huffs softly as he imagines your touch.

"I’d… I’d have you sit here." He moves his hand up to one of his pectorals and squeezes slightly as he pictures your fingers squeezing at his flesh instead. The action, along with his imagination, makes him bite his lip again, sucking in a breath through his nose. "Right in my lap."

He can’t help letting out a quiet 'fuck...' as he imagines you on top of him, holding his face in your hands as you kiss him, long and deep. Oh, what he wouldn't give just to have you close and to feel your lips against his again. He misses you so much that it's a little humiliating, but his mind is too hazy to care. No, all he cares about is you touching his bare skin with your hands, stroking the rising flames of his desire with every cares. Lost in the fantasy of your hand taking the place of his own, his hand slides higher up and touches his chin, causing sparks to bloom on his skin as he tilts his head back. He'd be just as pliant with you here, if not even more so. Just to feel wanted by you.

His mind is buzzing from the faint sounds of your own breathing coming through the speaker, which he can hear stuttering and quickening through the delightful fog filling his head. He doesn't push you into talking if you dont want to. However, he is well aware that you are not merely listening to him while innocently laying in your bed. He knows you well enough now to catch onto your state of arousal through the change in your breathing alone. He likes the thought of you doing the same as him right now. He hears some muffled shuffling on the other end of the line, something akin to bed covers being tousled around before you reply to him.

"On your lap," you repeat, almost as if testing out the idea in your head. Your tone is tight, and he can hear you take a single steadying breath before continuing: "I'd like that."

"Good," he finds himself responding, a faint smile on his lips. It's a small encouragement, just to let you know he's very much enjoying himself. To his surprise, you continue without any further promting from him.

"-I'd love to treat you after you get back. Just have you lay back and feel good while I take care of everything. Relax. You deserve it."

Your comments cause Leon's breath to catch abruptly, and he lets out a small, trembling gasp. He was not ready to hear something like that front you right now. In the best way possible. He is able to practically sense your presence and the grounding weight of your body upon him. As he runs his hand back down his chest and over his abs, they begin to tremble slightly.

"Fuck…" He groans lowly again, his brows drawing together in concentration as he pictures you in his lap. Your warmth against his hardening length, the way your hips would push against his.

His other hand mindlessly slides down as he palms himself through his jeans, his breath stuttering at much-needed stimulation. His hips jolt to press up firmly into his touch, imagining it's your hand instead of his own. He visualizes your fingers moving slowly down his chest. You kissing him all over as you usually do, leaving a trail of warm kisses down his hips and abdomen. He shivers and curses under his breath as the heat coiling in his gut only gets stronger.

"Leon?" It takes all of his inner strength not to whimper in response to your voice, which sounds both uncertain and needy. God, you just had to say his name of all things, huh?

"Keep going. Tell me more," he pants out softly, his voice rough with need. "Would you touch me?"

You laugh at that, and the sound makes him chuckle in response, his heart strangely light in his chest despite the intimate mood. You both sound so breathless. He likes that.

"Is that even a question?" You repeat the same thing you told him just minutes prior, and he can't help but snort. You got him there, he'll give you that. Though, your lighthearted playfulness soon shifts back into hushed arousal. "...Everywhere. Would love to touch you all over."

He swallows.

"Oh yeah? Seems like we both have the same idea."

You pause for a long time, and just as he's about to encourage you to speak your mind or reassure you, you beat him to it. And, boy, do you catch him off-guard.

"Just... Imagining riding you slowly. Make us both really feel all of it, every touch. I want to kiss at your neck, too... taste your skin, feel you shiver. And have my hands roaming all over you, too. Want to treat you right. Feel you."

...Oh, damn.

Leon moans at your words as he squeezes his length through his jeans a little. You just set his mind into overdrive. It's everything he wants and more. Your hands on his skin, your lips trailing warm, open-mouthed kisses down his neck, making him forget anything and everything but you and your touch. The way your hips would move against his, slowly and sensually, drawing out the pleasure until it becomes unbearable. At this point, his dick is practically aching to be touched, throbbing in the confines of his jeans.

"Jesus," he breathes out, a small, breathless chuckle following suit. Needless to say, you have him wrapped around your finger, even miles upon miles apart. He wouldn't have it any other way. "Keep talking like that and I'll lose it."

"Maybe I want to hear you lose it," you suggest to him softly, almost like you were testing the waters with what you could say to him. The idea makes him want to laugh. You didn't need to worry about a single thing with impressing him.

He quickly reaches for the waistband of his jeans and tugs them down just enough to free himself from the stiffling fabric. He exhales a shuddering breath as cool air hits his heated skin, a sense of relief accompanying the movement. He wastes no time wrapping his fingers over his cock, slowly stroking himself, still imagining your hand in its place instead of his own. Meanwhile, his other hand slides back up his chest, following the trajectory your touch would follow according to his memory. As he imagines you playfully nibbling at the side of his neck and whispering more sickeningly sweet dirty things into his ear, he shivers and gently rolls his thumb over his nipple.

"...Wish you were here," he exhales. He's losing himself in a fantasy that you two have created thus far, and it's getting easier and easier for him to just speak without hesitation or embarrassment. "Want your hands on me. Hips, stomach, chest, cock… everywhere."

In response, he hears you whine, and his mind generously conjures up a variety of possibilities for what you may be doing at the moment, each one more provocative than the last. What he wouldn't give to touch you right now, God. To be the reason behind those lovely sounds you are making.

"-So touch yourself," you instruct, your words barely above a whisper, your breaths coming out in small, shaky puffs of air, each one shooting straight to his groin. "Touch yourself like I would touch you right now. God, I would love to feel you under my hands..."

Leon shudders at your words, his cock throbbing in his hand as he instinctively bucks up, his breath faltering. A low groan leaves his lips, in equal measure in response to you as well as his touch. This time, he imagines you watching him, your own hand on yourself as well. Your lips parted and your cheeks flushed with arousal as you look at him dutifully.

"Fuck… I am,” he pants out, his hand moving a tad faster over his length. He senses himself leaking, the tip of his cock slick with precum. He spreads it around with his thumb, squeezes at the base, and then draws his hand back up. He bites his lip to stop another moan from slipping out, though, at this point it seems to be a futile effort. He's surprised he hasn't tasted blood yet. "Your hands would feel so good right now… so much better than mine…"

"Leon..." He hears you moaning out his name, and he swears that he almost came right then and there from the sound of it alone.

His free hand slides back up to his chest, gently squeezing at one of his nipples with the tips of his fingers. He pulls at it lightly, his brain picturing your teeth instead of his fingers. His back arches up towards the touch, a low groan leaving his lips.

"Tell me… where would you touch me?" He asks, his voice strained. "Be direct."

Your breath catches, as though you're taken aback by his question. But he was greedy, and he wanted more. He could feel his insides twisting and turning in the pit of his stomach, and not in a bad way. His spiraling brain almost couldn't handle the mental image of you touching yourself while on the phone with him, even though he was doing that exact same thing.

"Your chest," you murmur breathlessly, almost like the words were stealing your breath away as you shared them with him. And yet, you went on: "I want to touch your chest. Caress you all over... Squeeze at you, play with your nipples while I kiss the side of your neck and listen to you gasp and whine. Just like you like it."

Leon instantly visualizes your touch on him and lets out a deep wanton moan.

"Yes," he exhales. "Like that. Miss you..."

"-Miss you, too... so much." His head reels as you echo those words back to him in that breathy, almost whiny tone, and his hips automatically buck up into his hand in an attempt to feel what he perceives to be your touch.

He groans softly, running his hand over his chest, more to tease than to touch. Just as you said, he circles his nipple again and rolls the hardened bud under his thumb. Squeezing it just the way you would for him if you were here. Even if it's a poor substitute for the real thing. "Your mouth, too. Want it all."

Using his precum as lube, he begins to stroke himself quicker, rougher. He moves his hand up and down his shaft, squeezing a bit at the tip before returning back to the base in a familiar technique. Seeking the increasing pleasure coiling in his gut, he thrusts his hips up into his hand.

And as he hears every tiny sound of pleasure coming from your end, his desire for more only intensifies. You seem to be enjoying yourself just as much, stuttered breaths and muffled whines flowing through the receiver. He is saddened by the fact that he cannot see you in person at this moment in all your glory. But, this will have to do.

You exhale.

"Yeah," you encourage softly, your own voice breathy and hushed with arousal. "I'm right there with you."

"-Wish you were," he gasps out, his eyes shut tight as he wills himself to somehow bring this fleeting fantasy to life, however briefly. "Would feel so much better with you here."

"I am. Just close your eyes and focus on my voice. My hands stroking you, my mouth on your skin... Whatever you want. I'll give it to you. You deserve it."

Leon's already thin breaths come out in unsteady gasps as a result of your sweet encouragements. Your breathy and needy voice is somehow making him even more aroused than he already is, if that was even possible. His free hand descends to roam over his abdomen, primarily to visualize your hands mindlessly stroking his flesh. It's maddening.

"Fuck, you are too good at this…" He pants out, his hips thrusting up into his hand. Instead of continuing to trace over his lower abdomen, his hand reaches up to comb through his hair, just like you would, the delightful sensation sending jolts of pleasure directly to his cock. "Too good to me. Want to touch you, too. Whatever you want."

In order to give himself greater room to move around without experiencing any discomfort, he spreads his legs somewhat wider. He inadvertently starts to imagine you in a position between them, your head bobbing up and down as you take him in. His cock throbs at the mere thought, another droplet of precum dripping from its tip. Oh, he's lost it completely.

He listens to you groan quietly, and the realization that his words have the same impact on you as yours do on him makes him feel proud. The sound of your pleasure creates a fuzzy sensation in his head, blocking out all thoughts but you, you, you. His mind creates a fairly realistic image of what you are doing at the moment, even while he is itching to actually see you. And, God, was that picture irresistible.

"I want that too... Want to make you feel good."

Leon slightly squeezes the base of his cock at your whispered wants, another shudder rippling through him. He is acutely aware that he is getting close now, his balls drawing up tight and a growing coil of tension simmering deep in his gut.

"-Shit, I'm so fucking close," he pants heavily, his hips thrusting up into his hand steadily. He imagines you straddling him, riding him with all you have until you are both a gasping, trembling mess. Your hands wrapped snuggly over his neck and your lovely eyes on him the whole way through. The moan that comes out of him at the thought is borderline obscene as his head falls back, hot pleasure coiling in his gut until it's borderline unbearable. He does have enough sense in him left to warn you, though, however clumsy. Or maybe ask for permission. He isn't sure, and he is far too dazed to figure it out. "Jesus, fuck, going to cum-"

"That's alright, let go, I want to hear you," you coo at him softly through shaky puffs of air, a hint of urgency laced in your words. You were obviously getting impatient yourself while listening to him enjoying himself, whether that meant you were getting close or not. Either way, it was hot. "Cum for me, Leon. Please."

He didn't need to be told twice.

It only takes him a couple more rough strokes before he comes to a halt and shudders, his cock spurting ropes of his release into his hand and stomach, a broken gasp of your name leaving his lips in a desperate mantra before the pleasure slowly subsides. He's left panting, catching his breath from the pleasurable high of his orgasm as he plops back down on the bed, letting his body relax and gather its bearings.

"Jesus Christ, that was... wow..." He exhales, his voice ragged. As his mind gradually clears from the haze of pleasure that clouded his senses moments prior, he laughs softly, his voice full of tiredness and a hint of sheepishness. He turns his head to the phone, almost like he'd see you there. "You okay? Did you...?"

...He didn't even check if you came or not. Now he kind of feels like an ass.

"Y-Yeah. Just now." Because of your stuttering breaths, your words are a little unsteady. Whether you came with him or moments after, he doesn't really care. He's just glad you were left satisfied, too. Somewhat. Really, this was still more about him than you. He should fix that next time you do this.

He lets out a soft and warm chuckle at the thought. Next time. He was already thinking of next time, huh? Either way, that familiar subtle tremor in your voice makes him smile to himself, wishing he could reach out and stroke your cheek with the back of his hand right now.

"Good. I'm... I'm glad. Got worried there for a sec." He reaches over and grabs a tissue off his nightstand to quickly clean himself up. After tossing the tissue away, he leans back against the bed, feeling completely relaxed. "That was... something. Definitely needed that. Thank you."

A pleasant sense of calm washes over him as he sighs, closing his eyes. The subtle ache in his muscles and post-organasmic bliss is a welcome contrast to the constant tension he was dealing with lately.

"Happy to hear that." While he's unable to see you, he can still hear the smile in your voice, which makes him smile in turn. You take a deep, steadying breath, some rustling following suit as you probably clean yourself up and get comfortable. He didn't prod you. It didn't feel awkward at all when you were on the line with him. Despite his wish for you to actually be here.

"...I can't wait to see you again. To actually hold you, kiss you, make up for lost time," he promises, his voice unusually soft and intimate. "Tell you what, once I get back, we'll spend a whole weekend in bed, just the two of us. No phones, no work, no distractions. Just us."

His wistful smile is accompanied by the image of you in his bed, warm and cozy as you nuzzle up to him. God knows he didn't need anything more to be happy.

"That sounds lovely. I might just hold you to that," you giggle, those same familiar playful notes making their appearance again as you both come down from your highs.

"Hey... Do you mind staying with me on the line tonight? I don't... really want to hang up," he confesses, a bit embarrassed, but unwilling to just part with you so quickly. He can't help but feel a bit clingy.

"Funny. I was about to ask you the same thing."

He laughs at that, shaking his head.

"God, I love you."

"I love you more."

[sweetdispatch]

Vicious - M. Rempe

Songs masterlist

song: Vicious - Tate McRae

pairing: Matt Rempe x fem!reader

summary: Since high school, Matt and his girlfriend had been together until he decided to choose his career over her

warning: swear words

words: 1.0k

note: based on request! ps. requests are open again

---

Watching you beg on your knees

Month after you and Matt broke up, he started calling you. He wanted to apologise and explain to you how big of a mistake he made and how much you mean to him. You never answered any of his calls. He started writing to you. Texts, DMs, everywhere he could. He wanted to have you back in his life. You never responded. Only read the messages and laughed at his desperation. 

You were sure that if he did it right after break up, you would accept him back in your life but now? Now, you are free. You were fulfilling yourself and not putting him in the first place. As much as you missed him, you knew you deserved better than him. Especially after how he treated you. It was a tough break up for you but you learned that you don’t need a man to make you happy. 

Didn’t know what you had

Gotta live with that for the rest of your life

Matt always took you for granted. He barely noticed what you were doing to make his life easier. He never saw that you were cleaning the whole apartment, preparing his meals and taking care of him and his hockey gear. For him it was normal to have everything handed to him on a plate. He realised how much you were doing for him, when he lost you and had to do it by himself.

Now, Matt had to take care of everything. He hardly had time to clean the apartment, his cooking skills were limited so the meals weren’t as tasteful as yours and when he was feeling sick or he was hurt, there was no one to cuddle him and take care of him. He learned that he needed you more in his life than he thought. He missed you and your presence and realised that it was wrong to not appreciate you enough.

Last night, I cried a little

Now I, I’m fine

The day Matt decided to pick his career over you, you felt like your world was falling apart. He was a huge part of your teens and helped you to be the person you are now. You had many conversations that you’re gonna make it work no matter what. That his hockey career won’t ruin your relationship. You never gave him a reason to pick between you and hockey. His decision was unclear for you. 

You were crying for a couple of days. Everything was reminding you of Matt. Every little thing in your apartment had a meaning and you felt like you’re suffocating in this place. You left to spend the days at your friend’s place but this didn’t help. You were still crying like crazy over him. 

Now, you feel like a brand new person. You didn’t cry anymore. You moved on and focused on yourself. You believed that if this happened, it happened for a reason. Matt was your past and nothing could change it. You returned to your apartment and decided to create new memories with your friends to forget about his presence there. You healed after the breakup.

Understand it’s out of your hands

When Matt told you that he’s leaving for New York to play hockey, you never thought that this would lead to your break up. You always believed that the two of you will be in a long distance relationship. At least this is what you promised to each other. You were ready for this but apparently, he wasn’t. 

At first, you didn’t know why Matt did it. With time, you got into the sense that it was out of his control, that he didn’t know what he’s doing. You believed that he didn’t know how to combine a relationship with hockey over a long distance. Nevertheless, he made his decision and there was no way you'll ever bring him back into your life. He chose hockey over you.

Glad you have your regrets

Hope you feel like that ‘til the day you die

First summer after the breakup, Matt felt terrible. He missed you like crazy. He wanted to have you back again next to him. He started having regrets about the breakup. He realised that he messed up and wanted to fix it. He arrived at the door of your apartment and begged you to forgive him and give him another chance. 

You laughed at his attempt. You moved on from him for good. No matter how much you loved him, you didn’t want to be hurt again by him. Matt broke your trust and there was no way he would ever fix it. You didn’t even want him to try. You felt great being single and having to care about him. 

You openly told him that you can forgive him but not forget. You didn’t want to be friends with him, in fact you don’t want to have anything to do with him. He can have all the regrets. You wished him good luck in the future but deep down, you hoped that he’ll remember you forever and how he fucked up. 

Last kiss, leave your lips blood red

Before Matt left your apartment defeated, you brought him into a hug. No matter how much you hated him for what he did to your relationship, you still had feelings for him. He was your first love and wanted to remember the good moments with him. He hugged you tightly, trying to memorise your body and smell before he left you.

You stepped back from the hug and grabbed his cheeks. You kissed him for the last time. This kiss was full of emotions and none of you wanted to break it. After a couple of seconds, which felt like forever, you pulled out of him. Matt looked at you for the final time and left you forever.

[himluv]

The Intervention

Here's the next chapter of Say My Name (Say it Twice)! Enjoy some more Neve and Bellara, and of course Lucanis and Spite.

Lucanis sat on the cot in Neve’s study, one arm over his chest, the other gently swirling a steaming cup of coffee. That was his only defense against the women staring him down. Neve sat behind her desk watching him with a little smirk on her lips, while Bellara leaned against the front of the desk with both arms crossed and a frown on her face. 

Spite sat perched on one of Neve’s bookcases, swatting at wisps like a cat after fireflies.

Lucanis bit back a smile at the demon’s antics, then returned his attention to Bellara. “All right,” he said. “You wanted to talk.”

Neve rolled her eyes. “To be clear, Bel wanted to talk. I’m just… facilitating.”

“Right,” Bellara said, nodding. Then she scowled at Lucanis. “What’s going on with you and Rook?”

He sighed and fought the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Nothing,” he said. 

Neve raised an eyebrow at him. “So, we just imagined all those heated glances over dinner the other night?”

Lucanis shrugged. “I guess so.”

“Then how do you explain what happened in the Crossroads the other day?” Bellara asked. 

He shook his head. “You’ll have to ask Rook about that.”

“I did.” She frowned. 

“And?” He could tell from her face that she hadn’t liked Rook’s answer. 

“She told me not to worry about her and that she was handling it.”

Neve shook her head and gave him a wry smile. “Sounds familiar.”

“It sure does,” Bellara said. “Must be all that time she spends with you, Lucanis.” She glared at him. 

Lucanis took a drink of his coffee. “I told you, Bellara, it isn’t any more time than she spends with anyone else.”

Neve snorted. “And you believe that?”

“It’s the truth,” he said.

Both women just stared at him.

“What?”

Bellara rolled her eyes. “We have eyes, Lucanis.”

“And ears,” Neve said. “You’ve hardly been subtle.”

Lucanis went still, panic bubbling in his chest. “What do you mean?” Was he sending signals he wasn’t even aware of? Did the whole Lighthouse know how he felt about Rook? If they did… did Teia and Viago know, too? If they knew, then Illario surely did. 

Was Rook in danger because of him?

“You and Rook,” Neve said. “The banter, the heated looks when you think no one’s looking–”

”– the way you watch her back more than anyone else’s,” Bellara added. “And how you’re both so careful not to touch in front of anyone?”

Neve nodded. “That was a big tell. No one is that aware of another person if there isn’t something going on.”

Bellara laughed. “I know, right?” She turned back to Lucanis and her smile faded. “Oh.”

Lucanis felt the blood drain from his face as he realized that, yes, everyone did know how he felt about Rook.

Neve looked at him with surprise. “No,” she said. “There’s no way you thought that was subtle!”

“There’s nothing to be subtle about,” he said. “We’re just colleagues.”

Again, the women stared at him. 

“Friends,” he admitted. 

NO! Spite said from his perch. Rook. Is. More.

Neve and Bellara looked at him with such disbelief that Lucanis knew he was only trying to fool himself. “Fine,” he said. “I…” he sighed. “Like Rook.”

Neve smiled. “Now, doesn’t that feel better?”

He glared at her, but her smile only widened.

Bellara’s grin could outshine the sun. “How long have you two–”

“–We haven’t,” he said. “We aren’t…” he cleared his throat and knocked back the rest of his coffee, then set the cup on the floor between his feet. 

Bellara’s face fell. “Wait. What?” She and Neve shared a glance. “Why not?”

His mind spun with all the reasons. He was an abomination. He was damaged goods. He didn’t know the first thing about love, real love that wasn’t part of a romance novel. His cousin might be trying to kill him. He could barely sleep and when he did manage it, he still dreamed of the Ossuary. His hands knew only death, how could he trust them to cradle her heart?

Lu. Can. Is. 

He blinked, rousing from all those terrible, spiraling thoughts. Neve and Bellara were watching him, waiting for his response. “Rook deserves better.”

Neve sat back in her chair, packing her pipe. “And you get to decide that for her? Hardly seems fair.”

“The world isn’t fair,” he said. 

“True.” She lit her pipe with the snap of her fingers. She inhaled then breathed out a plume of fragrant smoke. “So, why do the world’s work for it?”

“I–” he ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. “I can’t,” he said, his voice trembling.

“Ah,” Neve said. “The truth at last.”

Bellara looked between them, her brow furrowed. “You can’t what?”

Lucanis gave Neve a pleading look. A look that Bellara interpreted just as well. 

“But, Rook likes you!”

He couldn’t look at the elf. “I know.”

“You could be together!” Her voice hit a new pitch in her confused frustration. 

“I know, Bellara.” Did she think he didn’t know that? That he didn’t fantasize about holding Rook, about kissing her whenever he pleased, about sleeping in her arms?

“Then why won’t–”

“–Bel,” Neve said, her voice low. 

Lucanis felt pinned to the cot, his heart racing against his suddenly too-tight ribcage. He couldn’t breath, everything felt constricted. His blood thundered in his ears, he knew it was his blood, but it sounded like water. Like he was underwater. 

No! Spite seethed. Get out. We had a DEAL. Get out!

That familiar chill climbed up Lucanis’s spine. He shook his head, rolled his neck. “No,” he whispered. “Not now. Please.” He focused on his breath, controlling it as he cataloged the sensations around him. The aroma of coffee and pipe smoke, the rough brush of the linen blankets beneath him. The chatter of the wisps that floated around the room, oblivious to the turmoil inside him. 

“Lucanis?” Neve’s voice sounded far away, but firm. Real. Like a place he could land. 

He opened his eyes, only then realizing he had closed them. The first thing he saw was Neve, her dark eyes wide with concern. 

“I’m all right,” he said. His voice sounded far from all right, shaky and thin. He glanced at Bellara, who looked frightened. He gave her a fragile smile. “That is why,” he said.

“I’m sorry, Lucanis.” Her chin quivered and her eyes welled up. 

Lucanis didn’t think he could handle it if she cried. He held up a hand to ward off her concern, but said, “You’re doing my dishes for a week.”

She let out a surprised laugh. “I’ll do them for a month.”

He chuckled at that. “Even better,” he said. He glanced between the women. “Can we agree to leave my personal life be for awhile?”

Neve and Bellara both winced. “I think we can consider this case closed,” Neve said.

Bellara nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “I am sorry, Lucanis.”

He nodded and picked up his cup. “I know, Bellara.” He stood and tilted his chin at them, then left for the dining hall. He needed the dim, close comfort of the pantry. He needed the smell of roasted coffee beans and wax candles. And though he knew the risks, Lucanis needed to sleep, even if just for an hour or two. 

Maybe then, with a little distance, everything that had just happened in Neve’s study wouldn’t seem so terrible.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM WHEN HARRY MET SALLY *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

i've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, i love you.

i love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out.

i love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich.

i love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like i'm nuts.

i love that after i spend the day with you, i can still smell your perfume on my clothes.

i love that you are the last person i want to talk to before i go to sleep at night.

i came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

i'll have what she's having.

would you like to have dinner?

i thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

when did i say that?

i mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding?

most women at one time or another have faked it.

they haven't faked it with me.

that's right. i forgot. you're a man.

what was that supposed to mean?

it is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.

marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. it's just a symptom that something else is wrong.

you realize of course that we could never be friends.

men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

that's not true.

i have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

you only think you do.

they all want to have sex with you.

no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive.

i guess we're not going to be friends then.

you were the only person i knew in new york.

there are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.

which one am i?

you're the worst kind.

you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.

i just want it the way i want it.

you look like a normal person, but actually you are the angel of death.

don't you have a dark side?

when i buy a new book, i read the last page first.

if you could take him back now, would you?

why didn't he want to marry me?

what's the matter with me?

you're challenging.

i'm too structured. i'm completely closed off.

i drove him away.

how do you expect me to respond to this?

i'm leaving.

i don't have to take this crap from you.

what the hell does that have to do with anything?

are you finished now?

can i say something?

i'm sorry.

everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste.

that is just like you.

you say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you.

at least i got the apartment.

the first time we met, we hated each other.

we were friends for a long time.

it only took three months.

you will never have to be out there again.

i'm not going to tell you that.

i miss her.

you know what i miss? i miss the idea of him.

when did this happen?

you don't bounce back from that right away.

doesn't what i said mean anything for you?

i hate you, [name]. i really hate you.

what can i get you?

no one has ever quoted me back to me before.

you know, i'm so glad i never got involved with you.

i am not your consolation prize.

i wrote that.

you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them.

[sissylittlefeather]

If I Can Dream: Chapter 5

A/N: The next few chapters of this one are going to come fast and furious. We're halfway to the end and the last one will be on Christmas Day. Please keep reading! Need to catch up? Masterlist HERE.

Summary: It's 1975 and Jo Bellamy has been in love with Elvis for 20 years. She doesn't even care that they haven't met yet. All she needs is a chance and she's determined to get one

But Elvis doesn't feel much like Elvis anymore. What happened to the man he used to be? He's pretty sure he's long gone.

Can a chance encounter with Jo change the ill-fated trajectory of his life?

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, no smut in this one but Jo does get into some pretty heavy topics. She describes her trauma history and lightly (and I mean lightly) touches on a history of verbal abuse from her dad, sexual abuse from an ex-boyfriend, and feeling suicidal as a teenager. Some of these things are real for me, so I tried to handle them delicately in a way that wouldn't be triggering, but I need to mention them anyway.

Word count: ~2.4k

Forever, then. It's right on the tip of his tongue, but he holds it back for some reason. He'll think about that tomorrow. For now, he drifts off to sleep with her in his arms again, perfectly content.

******

On Sunday around 1 in the afternoon, Elvis wakes up to the sound of the shower going. He looks around in the bed for Jo and then puts two and two together. The steam pours out of the bathroom when he pushes the door open.

“You want some company?”

“Shit!” Jo pokes her head out of the shower curtain. “You scared me!”

“I'm sorry, honey. I just missed ya in the bed.”

“Oh, I was trying to shower and be back before you woke up.” He gestures again to the shower.

“Can I join you?” She smiles and opens the curtain, her naked body glistening with the water running down it.

“Absolutely. C’mon, babe.” He smiles as his eyes drift down her body and he whistles.

“You sure you really want this old man?” As he removes his pajamas and drops them on the floor, Jo nods. He steps into the shower and groans when the hot water hits his back. She wraps herself around him and sighs.

“I love this old man.” He kisses the top of her head and holds her tightly.

“He loves you.” They spend the next twenty minutes or so in the shower. He washes her hair and she runs a wet sponge around on his body.

The time together is a blissful escape, but there's something floating around in Elvis's brain that he just can't ignore. Eventually, as they wrap themselves in towels first and then fluffy robes, he has to say something.

“Hey honey?”

“Yeah?”

“Last night in the car, why did you move my hand?” She looks at him strangely.

“When?”

“When you were… suckin’ me… I put my hand on your head and you said 'don't do that.’ Why?” A look of realization crosses Jo's face and she nods. She bites her cuticle for a bit, trying to figure out how to say what she needs to say.

“It's kind of a long story.”

“Well, if you want to tell it, I'm here to listen.” Jo continues to bite her cuticle and then plops down on the bed. She lays down so she doesn't have to look at him while she talks.

“I have to start with my dad. My father was not a nice man, especially when he drank. He never hurt us physically, but his words hurt almost as much. And he yelled. All the time, at me and my mom. I was an only child, so I got the full force of his anger every time.”

“Did he…?”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. But it set me up to think that's what love looked like. As soon as I started dating, the men I chose were trash. They were always older, mean, angry men who didn't treat me very well.” He takes her hand gently and she squeezes her eyes shut to try to keep the tears from sliding down the sides of her face.

“One of them… well, he liked to be in control, completely.” Elvis nods, thinking of how he used to always be dominant and in charge in the bedroom. “He would… make me go down on him and when I did… well… there's a reason your hand on my head was bad.”

She looks over at him as the tears slide down into her hair. This wasn't a secret she wanted to share, but here it is, on the table for him to see and do with it as he pleases. He holds his arms out for her to crawl into his lap. She does, curling up and leaning into him. He strokes her back affectionately and sits quietly with this information for a bit. Finally, he speaks, but the words feel empty.

“I'm so sorry, honey.”

“It's okay, I'm mostly over it. But that particular thing brings it all back. I can't think I'm losing control of my own body or it gets to me like this.” He holds her face in his hands and kisses her cheek.

“Tink, I promise I'll never do that again. Thank you for tellin’ me.” She nods and kisses his nose. “While we're on the subject of your past, you told me last night that I saved you too.”

She shifts uncomfortably in his lap.

“Yeah?”

“Will you tell me that story?” She looks into his eyes contemplating how it might impact them. But he's going to find out sooner or later. Might as well be now.

“I can't believe I'm about to tell you this. In 1953, my parents split up. Even though my dad was cruel, I was still forced to stay with him sometimes. By the time I was 16, I desperately wanted to make it end. I didn't know how to get out of seeing my dad, but I was desperate. You know how big everything seems when you're 16.”

“Yeah, honey, I remember.” She takes another deep breath and continues.

“Well, Evelyn could tell I was really down. Just when I'd hit the edge of my ability to take what my life was, she forced me to go see this kid play on the back of a truck in a parking lot.”

“No…”

“I fell in love with you that night. And my love for you kept me going even when the worst things were happening to me. Your music was my lifeline. Your movies gave me an escape from my miserable existence. When I had no one else, I knew I had you.” He looks at her incredulously. “I sound insane. God, you probably think I'm crazy.”

“How many shows?”

“Six. Well seven if you count the one where I ran on stage. Three in the fifties, two in Vegas, and one when you were on tour in ‘72.”

“Why didn't you ever try to come talk to me?” He picks up her hand and kisses her knuckles gently.

“I did! I even got kicked out once. But I could never get to you. Fuck, you're probably thinking I'm crazy and trying to figure out how to get away from me-”

“Tink, the only thing I'm thinkin’ right now is that I wish I'd found you in 1955.” She looks up at him, her eyes wide.

“You mean that?”

“With my whole heart. I've needed you for 20 years and didn't even know it.” He moves his fingers up and down her back soothingly.

“You don't think I'm insane?”

“Oh you absolutely are, but not for the reasons you think. I'm glad my music and those terrible movies were a comfort to you. It makes me feel better about making them, honestly. But I wish we'd found each other back then and saved ourselves all the pain.” She shakes her head as he leans in to kiss her cheek.

“No, there's a reason it didn't happen until now. We had to be ready. Think about it, I was so unstable then and you were young and wild. We would've been a recipe for disaster. This is better.” He pulls back and looks at her.

“Honey, you are somethin’ else. I'm so glad I found you.” He holds the side of her face with his hand and presses his forehead against hers. “I love you, Tink. And I don't think I'm ever gonna stop.”

“I love you too, Elvis. So, so much.”

******

After their serious conversation, Jo is ready for an easy day with Elvis and he knows it. They lay in the bed in robes, tangled in each other kissing and tickling and generally acting like young people in love until Jo's stomach growls.

“Oh, Tink, honey are you hungry? I am.” She giggles and her stomach rumbles. He leans over and acts like he's taking bites of her belly, tickling her instead.

“Ah! Yes! I'm hungry!” They both put on fresh pajamas and he takes her downstairs to get something to eat. After that, they lounge in the TV room for a while, not really watching what's on the screens. They spend more time making out like teenagers than anything else. Elvis thinks to himself that he should be embarrassed by their behavior, he is 40 years old after all, but he can't find it in himself to do so. He's so happy with Jo that he's practically giddy. And she's living her literal dream life, so she's not going to stop them from doing what feels natural. Still, as midnight approaches, Jo knows what has to happen. She crawls over into his lap, straddling his thighs again and he wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her neck.

“Elvis, I have to go home.” He pulls back and looks up at her in shock.

“What? Why?” The thought enters his mind that this might be a good thing and give him space to think about what the future of their relationship could possibly be, but his heart feels like it's in a vice.

“I have to work in the morning and I have no clothes here.”

“Honey, we can give Jerry your key and he'll go get some stuff for you.” She smiles and kisses his cheek gently.

“As nice as that sounds, I don't really want Jerry touching my panties. Do you?” He darkens a bit.

“No. I don't.”

“Exactly. I need to go home. I also need to sleep tonight and something tells me if I stay, that won't happen.” He nods and looks down, holding both of her hands in his. The thought of being without her makes his chest hurt. “I'll come back, though, if that's what you want.”

He puts his hand on the side of her face and his eyes search hers for a second.

“Are we kidding ourselves, honey?”

“What do you mean?” Her heart beats faster and it feels like she can hear her pulse in her ears.

“Maybe we should just see this for what it was. I have a career and a daughter and an ex wife and you… I just don't think you'd enjoy the fucking wild ride that my life is. You deserve someone stable, who'll marry you and give you children. I'm never gonna not be Elvis Presley.” She stares at him with her eyes wide and wet.

“I know that. I love you-”

“I love you too, Jo, but maybe this was just a beautiful weekend that we'll never forget.” His voice catches on the last part.

“You don't call me Jo. Elvis, what's happening?!”

“I'm just trying to save us both from the inevitable pain of how this ends.” She stands up off his lap and shakes her head.

“No, you're ending it before it starts. I want to know why.” He sighs deeply. How can he tell her that he's afraid? “You said things to me, Elvis.”

“I know, honey, and I'm sorry but I'm just not-”

“Not what?!”

“Not who you think I am.” The tears that have been threatening to spill out of her eyes finally do and slide down her cheeks.

“Then who are you, Elvis?” He shakes his head and looks at the floor.

“I dunno. But not the kind of man you need.”

“Elvis, look at me.” He reluctantly lifts his chin. “You're the man I want.”

He sits there silently staring up at her. He's torn between pulling her back down into his lap and asking her to marry him and telling her she should leave and never come back.

“Elvis… Do you not want this? Do you not want me?” More silence. He wants her so badly that it hurts, but something makes him hold back and leave everything unsaid. “How can you do this?”

“Jo, I don't know. You make me crazy. And I-I said a bunch of stuff that I shouldn't have. But now that I'm thinking clearly-”

“This is thinking clearly?! Elvis, why don't you just admit that I scare the shit out of you because what we have is real? Why can't you just say that?” His mouth pops open for a bit and then he closes it. How did she know?

“I’m not scared.”

“Bullshit.” She turns and runs up the stairs. He tries to follow her, but she's too fast. When he finally catches up to her, he's winded and she's gathering all of her stuff in the bedroom, which isn't much. He stands in the doorway watching and trying to catch his breath as she pulls off the pajamas and puts her dress back on.

“Jo, please.” She stops and turns to face him with one shoe on.

“I'm not doing this back and forth thing with you, Elvis. I'm too old. I have loved you for twenty years. Either you want me, or you don't-”

“Why do you get 20 years to decide and I get 5 days?!” Her mouth drops and she stares at him in disbelief. But he's right.

“Has it really only been 5 days?”

“Yes!” Her mouth curls into a tiny smile.

“Well that's just ridiculous.” He tries to suppress a grin.

“Yes! It is ridiculous!” She erupts in a giggle and he tries not to laugh. “I'm trying to be serious here, woman.”

Jo flops on the bed and howls with laughter, tears squeezing out of her eyes.

“5 days!” She croaks out between giggles. He sits next to her on the bed.

“Yes.” He looks down at her, his eyes sparkling as her laughter is finally slowing down. “You're not helping me love you any less.”

“You really love me?”

“Yes, goddamnit, I really do. I'm just not sure how we make this work.” She sits up and kisses his cheek.

“Let me go home tonight and go to work tomorrow. We can talk about it when I come over, if that’s still what you want.”

“Yeah, I think that's good.” He pulls her into his lap and buries his face in her neck. “I just need some time to think, Tink. It don't mean I don't love you.”

“I understand.” She lets him continue to nuzzle her.

“And you're right.” He mumbles into her neck. “But I'm not just scared; I'm fuckin’ terrified.”

“I know. It's okay.” She turns and puts her arms around him, kissing his forehead gently.

******

What happens now?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

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[silver-bees]

An excerpt of a letter written to Sherlock Holmes by Dr. John Watson that was left out of his public account of the adventure of the hound of the Baskervilles 

We had arrived back at the house after our fruitless search for the convict and I was nearly ready to retire when Sir Henry called out to me, his voice hoarse. “Watson, might you sit up with me for the night?” He seemed scared, not at all like the brazen man I had first met at Baker Street. My heart softened at his request, I sat back down without a word and we both gazed into the fire for a few minutes. Finally his voice broke through the still drawing room air. 

“I don’t know what to think. I was certain the curse was merely some old fairy story. I still half believe that, or maybe I just want to believe it, but that sound we heard…it was unmistakable.” “Stapleton said it may be the call of a rare bird” I replied but even to myself it sounded empty. As though either of us, or anyone else for that matter, could have been mistaken as to what that sound really was. “Or maybe some shepherd’s dog that got loose on the moor.” I continued, trying my best to sound unconcerned. “I suppose, though it sounded rather large for a sheepdog did it not?” He glanced over to me and I could see the terror glinting in his eyes. I put a firm hand on his shoulder. 

“Whatever it is, I’m here. I won’t let it get you without a fight” I reassured. I kept my voice steady for him, but truth be told I felt nearly as shaken as he looked. Sir Henry took a deep, shuddering breath and a rough laugh burst from his throat as though against his will. “I’d much rather you not let it get me at all!” he exclaimed with a hint of his former bravado, “You know, I do feel safer with you by my side. I’ve been reading some of your accounts of your adventures with Holmes.” “Have you?” I asked with some little surprise.

“Stapleton lent them to me, apparently he quite enjoys them as well. I must say, you’re quite a writer. I’ve never been one for reading all that much but your accounts are most entertaining” I felt pride well in my chest at his words.

“Well, perhaps someday ‘the curse of the baskervilles’ will be added to their number” “It would be an honor,” he chuckled. 

We sat there for a few hours, the heat of the fire and some excellent brandy (courtesy of the late Sir Charles’ cellar) bringing the color back to his cheeks. Finally he brought the subject back around to my writing.

“You know Watson, I think you sell yourself short. In all your accounts you seem to rarely speak of your own achievements.” “Holmes said something similar to me on the morning your case was brought to us, though in his case I feel it was a little backhanded.”

“I mean it, Watson. You spend so many words detailing Holmes’ achievements and, while they do indeed seem marvelous, it leaves little room for praise of your own kindness. I would never have guessed from the way you write the sort of reassurance your company provides.” 

I must admit I blushed quite a lot at that. I admired Sir Henry and to hear such words from him made me feel things I simply don’t have words for. 

“I fear you exaggerate for the sake of my ego, my dear fellow” I deflected. 

“Certainly not! I appreciate Holmes taking my case, but to have you by my side is invaluable. I truly don’t know what I’d have done tonight when I heard that ghostly howl if you were not there to steady my nerves.” “Well, I certainly appreciate you saying that.” 

He looked at me for a long moment, the reflection of the fire dancing in his eyes and his brow furrowed in contemplation. 

“Watson-” he started suddenly

“John,” I gently corrected, “We’re close enough to drop the formality” He nodded curtly. 

“John, if you do write an account of our time together, might I ask you to leave something out? Can you keep a secret, I mean?”

Of course I was hesitant to reply. I felt torn between my dedication to the details of the case and to keeping my dear friend’s privacy. 

“If it relates to-” “It doesn’t,” he assured me, “it is a strictly personal matter” “Then the public will never hear of it”

“Well, you know that I’m a bachelor…” he began with some hesitation. I was certain he was about to tell me he had some affection for Miss Stapleton. He did not. “I may always be a bachelor,” he continued, “I have little interest in women really” “That’s not so strange,” I reassured him, “Holmes has no interest in women either. I’ve known a few men who went for years having little interest in women until they met someone in particular and became enamoured.” “It’s not that I have no interests whatsoever,” he corrected, seeming to struggle for words, “I am Interested in someone, but I fear I am not suited for marriage with the person I am interested in” I couldn’t help but scoff. “You’re a baronette, my dear friend, what woman could possibly object to your place in society?” “That’s not exactly what I meant. I mean that he isn’t a woman” he said a bit gruffly. I understood suddenly why he had been so cagey about it and ensured that I wouldn’t publicize his secret. I nodded, letting him know that I caught his meaning while I formulated what to say in response. “I see. Well in that case, I should inform you that while I do have some interest in women, I have an equal interest in men.” I could see his eyes go wide in the dying light of the fire. It seemed I had taken him by surprise. 

“Well then, a fellow bachelor! What a pleasant surprise. Not that I have any right to ask, but are you and Holmes…?” He left the question open.

“Not exactly. I’ve considered it, but he never returned my feelings. He tells me he has no romantic inclination whatsoever.” Sir Henry seemed a little disappointed and I suspected I knew the cause. “But I am past those feelings. I moved on once I realized they weren’t returned.” 

“Have you anyone on your mind presently?” he asked and I fancy I heard some hope in his voice. 

“I believe so, yes, and I have reason to suspect I’m on his mind as well.” I gave him a meaningful glance. 

We didn’t say anything more. We didn’t need to say anything. He put his hand in mine and we watched the last embers of the fire burn out as dawn broke over the moor. 

Dear Sherlock Holmes fanfic write, please, please PLEASE One of you write a fanfic about Watson and Sir Henry (the hound of the baskervilles). I've been shipping them since I've seen the granade episode. THEY HAVE CHEMISTRY I PROMISE JUST TRY WRITING THE FANFIC (please?)

[6rookie-writer0110]

Crossing over

Darcy Lewis x Male Reader

Request - Darcy x thors son. He was banished to midgard with his father.

You and your father crashed into the earth and you hit the ground hard. The ground cracked and you are not feeling hurt, because you healed rapidly.

“How can he do that to us!?” You screamed.

Your grandfather Odin banned you and your father from Asgard. You and your father just crashed into earth in the middle of a small town. You are feeling angry and betrayed and you look around.

“So we can't go back home ever?” You asked.

“We can't go back because I saw father destroy the portal our only way,” Thor said.

“Didn't you been to earth before?” You asked.

“One time, but I don't remember how I got back home to Asgard,” Thor said.

“What are we going to do?” You asked.

“Jane Foster will help us,” Thor said.

“Who?” You said.

Your father starts to tell you how he met Jane Foster. It didn't take long for him to find Jane’s van and she saw him. When you saw Darcy you developed a crush on her.

“Why did he ban you and your son from Asgard?” Jane asked.

“It’s a long boring story,” Thor said.

“What about your powers?” Darcy asked.

“Don’t worry about that, beautiful. I will still protect you. You should be my wife” You said boldly.

“I don't even know your name and I’m not your wife, but thank you for the compliment,” Darcy said.

“My name is Y/N. When should we start planning for our wedding?” You said.

“Slow down,” Jane said.

You winked at Darcy. Then your father told them what happened back home. You and your dad go to their camp and they start to about their new project. Jane is going to let you and your father stay with them for a while.

“So you and your dad have the same powers?” Darcy asked

“Yes. We would combine our powers during battle but I have other skills too” You said

“Asking every girl to marry you?” Darcy asked

“No. You are the first, Darcy and I mean that” You said.

You were serious about it and she did believe you.

“First time on your earth?” Darcy asked

“Yes, but my dad said he was here before,” you said

“Oh, yeah. The first time he tried coffee was funny” Darcy giggled

“What is coffee?” You asked

“I forget coffee doesn't exist in Asgard. But I will show you, just follow me” Darcy said.

You follow her to the diner and she starts to explain about coffee. She made you try iced coffee which you liked the most. Then you tried black coffee and you hated that one, but she laughed because of the facial expression you made. You just ordered more iced coffee then you tried lattes and you loved it. You were about to throw the coffee mug onto the floor but she quickly stopped you.

“Don’t do that. Just ask for another one, just ask Y/N” Darcy said.

“Just ask?” You said

“Yes. Your dad did the same and he broke so many mugs that day” Darcy said

She lets go of your wrist and you don't break it. She ordered more coffee for you then you started to try the food.

✯ ✫ ✯ ✫

You are still on earth with your dad but he is spending more time with Jane. You don't mind because you get to be with Darcy and you keep flirting with her.

“Earth is so much better” You smiled.

“You never left Asgard?” Darcy asked

“I have been to other realms but never to earth. But now I have a reason” You said

Darcy couldn't help to blush and she tried to hide it, but you noticted it. You enjoy listening to her talk and you ask her questions about earth.

—

Darcy takes you to a bar to show you how people have fun. You and Darcy are sitting together and you tried your first beer.

“Do you like it?” Darcy asked

“Yes and I will get another one,” You said

“Don’t break the bottle, Y/N” Darcy giggled

“I won't do it” You smiled

You head to the bar to ask for more beer. Darcy waits for you to come back but her ex-boyfriend sees her. She didn't want to talk to him but he still went towards her to talk.

“Hey, Darcy. You haven't been returning my texts” He said

“Because we aren't dating anymore and stop texting me,” Darcy said

“Come on don't be like that. Maybe we can hookup -” He said

Darcy told him no but he didn't listen. But you arrived with the beers and put it on the table.

“This is a private conversation, walk away,” He said.

“Is he bothering you?” You asked

“This is my ex-boyfriend and he doesn't understand the words leave me alone,” Darcy said

“You heard her walk away,” You said

“I’m not going to listen to you. You walk away or else” He said

“Or else?” You said.

He tried to punch you but you dodged his punch. Darcy gasped then you punched him in the face and then in the stomach. Everyone is watching, You grab him by his shirt and throw him out of the bar, and he is in pain. He gets up and starts to run away and she is speechless.

“Wow, I can't believe you did that, Y/N” Darcy said

“I couldn't watch him harass you while I do nothing. Are you okay?” You said.

“Thank you,” Darcy said

You and Darcy are standing in front of the bar. She is standing very close to you and you kiss her on the lips. She puts her arms around your shoulders and she starts to kiss you back.

“Let’s get out of here,” You said

“I like that idea” Darcy smiled

She starts to kiss you back and you start to smile.

You and Darcy go home together. And your dad is sleeping on the couch with his mouth open. Darcy grabbed some chips from the kitchen and she sat next to Thor. She gets an idea and you watch her put one chip in his mouth, he doesn't wake up. You and Darcy are trying not to laugh too loud.

“Shhh, don't be loud” Darcy whispered

“Let me try” You whispered

You grabbed a chip and put it in his mouth. Darcy grabbed her phone, and she started to record you and her putting chips in his mouth. Then you and Darcy took selfies with your dad and he hasn't woken up yet. But Jane came home and she was loud then you and Darcy moved away from him. Thor starts to wake up and he is confused as to why chips are in his mouth

“Did you fall asleep while eating chips?” Jane asked

“I don't remember,” Thor said

But he starts to eat the chips while you and Darcy laugh in the kitchen.

[ajmasch]

@here4hualian kissmas day 23: kissing under...

Unfortunately, there was too much to do once Hua Cheng returned from his year-long absence for him and Xie Lian to celebrate the way they wanted. The heavenly capital had to be completely rebuilt and restructured, not to mention the increased ghost activity with the recent opening of Mount Tonglu and release of several prisoners by Jun Wu. Perhaps some of it could have been mitigated through the intervention of a supreme, but with Hua Cheng and Yin Yu both gone, control of Ghost City was relying almost entirely on He Xuan for a year, and he was barely managing that, much less helping to control ghosts elsewhere.

So, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng ended up being too busy to really focus on themselves and their relationship at first. Which is why, once things had settled down enough, they decided to take some time to themselves. Xie Lian left heaven to the newly established council, Hua Cheng left Ghost City to the recently reinstated Waning Moon Officer, and they went to travel, giving instructions that they were only to be contacted in the case of a serious emergency.

They had both been to so many places in their lives, but had mostly been alone. Now, they shared the experience with another. They traveled the mortal way, walking or occasionally catching rides on passing carts, and they talked. They shared memories, both happy and sad, eager to learn everything about the time they had spent apart.

Then, one day, they were walking through a forest when it started to rain. Hua Cheng immediately pulled out his umbrella, stepping close to Xie Lian to shelter him from the storm. Their hands instinctively reached for each other once they were close, red strings resting against each other as their fingers intertwined.

Xie Lian laughed once he noticed their position. “It’s just like the night we re-met!”

Hua Cheng grinned at him. “Not quite.” He glanced at Xie Lian’s outfit to emphasize his meaning. “Gege made a beautiful bride.”

“San Lang made a handsome bridegroom, come to steal me away,” Xie Lian replied.

“Oh?” Hua Cheng leaned in. “Was Gege admiring this one?”

“Hm, maybe a little,” Xie Lian admitted, leaning in as well to nudge Hua Cheng with his shoulder. “San Lang was so powerful, so composed–”

Hua Cheng snorted. “Composed? Gege, I was losing my mind. To have finally found you after all those years and you were wearing bridal robes? It was like every wild fantasy was coming true at once! Honestly, it’s lucky Gege tried to capture me when he did, or I would have done something absolutely ridiculous like propose on the spot…”

“Really.” Xie Lian suddenly wrapped his arms around Hua Cheng and lifted him over a puddle in the road. He set him down on the other side, but remained face to face, relishing in the stunned expression caused by the sudden display of strength. Now that Hua Cheng was caught off guard, he continued, “Would San Lang have passed that one off as a joke as well?”

“Ge–” Hua Cheng’s voice came out as a squeak. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Gege…”

Xie Lian kept going. “You know, if San Lang had waited a little bit longer then, I would have said yes.”

“You–” Hua Cheng swallowed. “You would?”

Xie Lian nodded. “Ever since you walked back into my life, you’ve made it so easy to be happy. Even on the rainiest days,” he gestured to their surroundings, “when I’m with you, none of it can touch me. No matter the state of me or the state of you, you’ve stayed by my side and given me your everything. I want to do the same for you. Hong’er, Wuming, Hua Cheng, San Lang… I want to be your husband. I want to spend the rest of eternity with you, so, will you marry me?”

Hua Cheng was speechless. Tears had begun to fall down his face halfway through Xie Lian’s speech, and it was only the need to keep holding the umbrella above his head that was keeping him from shaking and falling to his knees. Overcome with emotion, he couldn’t do anything except surge forward and pull Xie Lian into a needy, desperate kiss. Everything he couldn’t put into words, every intense feeling, he pushed them into his beloved’s lips.

The kiss could have lasted for hours as long as either of them was aware, lost to each other in the protective bubble of the umbrella. When they finally broke apart, they were both breathless and smiling widely.

“So? Is that a yes?” Xie Lian asked.

“Gege. My prince, my god, my beloved. Xie Lian. Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

The rain slowly came to a stop. The clouds parted, and the sun began to shine, but the couple under the umbrella didn’t notice. Rain or sun, it didn’t matter. As long as they were together, it was perfect.

[microwavesaferat]

This is a different topic than my usual stuff, but I was relistening to Epic: The Musical and wanted to talk about my personal interpretation of Calypso's character both within and out with the musical.

So a couple things to consider when going into this:

The original material and the biases/lense that it was created through

The long game of telephone that has moulded the current view of her character

The changes made from the Odyssey to Epic

In the original material, Calypso is trapped on the island of Ogygia for supporting her father, Atlas, in the battle between the Titans and the Gods. When Odysseus washed up on her shore, she took a fancy to him and proceeded to attempt to court him. She did not take no for an answer and in fact cast spells on him through song to force herself onto him. It is noted that, later in his stay on the island, Odysseus would spend most of the day crying on the shore before being forced into bed at night.

TLDR: in Greek Myth, Calypso is a horrible person.

In Epic, some liberties are taken for a multitude of reasons:

Dramatic effect

Narrative flow

Thematic storytelling

Making it more 'PG'

The big one here is the last point, although Epic covers a lot of violent acts and tough topics, but some aspects do need to be cut in order to not make the musical too graphic. For example, in the original myth, Odysseus and Circe definitely have sex, in fact, she has a child with him. So Jorge trimmed down the complicated relationship Odysseus has with Calypso, that is perfectly fine, in fact, it probably works better in the medium than being 100% accurate.

To talk about the version of Calypso in Epic; she was cast away as a child and naively fell in love with the first person she saw. My interpretation lies somewhere in-between these versions. I believe she was isolated on the island (something present in both), but I do not believe she was entirely well meaning yet harmful.

Calypso, at least in my eyes, became obsessed with the first contact she has had in a century and did, like a school-child, gain a naïve crush. But I believe she was cruel and manipulative to Odysseus and is not free of blame for what she did.

Based on the lyrics present in Paradise, she does not reveal her Godly nature until after Odysseus threatens violence if she does not leave him alone, this is a threat to him. She will play nice as long as he does, but she always has the upper hand. She also uses his friends' words against him to manipulate him (open arms), plus she almost completely ignores everything he says during the song to continue her fantasy of a perfect couple.

In Not Sorry for Loving You, she sings a very half-hearted apology that sounds like a YouTuber apology video where she apologises for how he interpreted her behaviour (I'm sorry if my actions offended some people), she blames her actions on her own problems (I've been having a real hard time you guys and wasn't thinking straight). My interpretation is that, she is (as she says) not sorry and is fully aware of what she did, just hoping he would believe that she was simply trying her best and that he would choose to stay.

An important factor that stops Calypso from being 100% awful is that she is a goddess with a skewed interpretation of mortality and of human emotions. She doesn't understand why this is such a big deal to Odysseus to be faithful and get home soon, they have all the time in the world. 7 years is merely a moment in her lifetime. It is also important to note the general reception to Calypso's actions at the time of the Odyssey. It was common for mythological characters to take war brides and the like in many Epics, even Achilles has a bride given to him as a spoil of war. The use of an action like sex in the Odyssey is to demonstrate a power imbalance and a sense of ownership. Calypso takes Odysseus like a spoil of war because he has lost and the Gods have won. In the Odyssey, Calypso does not do this because she is a horrible person, but because Homer wanted to demonstrate the loss Odysseus has faced.

I also find it weird that Calypso is brought up so much surrounding the topic of consent when, in the original myth, Circe does the same exact thing. In fact, it's like her main thing. She turns Scylla into a monster for being with a man she likes, she turns a king into a beast for noting accepting her courtship and has sex with Odysseus in exchange for help home, giving him a child.

The changes for Circe in Epic work because Circe's job in the story is to demonstrate Odysseus's wit and his devotion to Penelope, so she can still help him after he proves he's 'not like other men' (he's a monster rah rah rah). With Calypso, you cannot make it so that she respects his choice, or that would make for a pretty chill 7 years.

TLDR: In both the Odyssey and Epic, Calypso is more important as an idea than as a character. She serves to show how far Odysseus has sunk, lost the war and has been taken as a spoil, defeated and broken.

[lie-lacdreams]

Thermodynamics and Turmoil (Curly x Reader pt. 5)

I'm back!! Sorry for such a long and unexpected hiatus. A lot of things were going on and on top of that I've come to realize some things about my writing that made me feel unsatisfied about my quality of work. I'll try to improve with this series while trying to keep style and flow consistent but I now recognize that the plot moves at a very fast pace.

Last

Engineer! Reader x Curly Word Count ~ 2.5k TW: mentions of sexual assault, pregnancy, and abortion, angst, profanity

The whole crew seemed busy as of late. (Y/N) and Curly were no exception to this as well, but given the dwindling number of shared meals with all of the crew and the scarcity of which they saw each other, it was definitely easier to see Curly after hours and spend some time  in his embrace before heading back to her room without suspicion. They agreed to keep their arrangement a secret from the rest of the crew, just for the sake of professionalism in front of the others and as to not serve as a distraction from their mission 

It was going so well, (Y/N) thought to herself. Each day was a constant challenge to her capabilities and knowledge of her degree, but if it meant that she could end the night in his arms, under his gentle touch and loving gaze, then there really was nothing that could go wrong. To her relief, after the encounter with Jimmy that one night, he never approached her again to talk to her about whatever it was that he so needed to tell her. Things went as usual, and her presence around him was scarce. However, seeing and interacting with Anya was a rare occasion as well. (Y/N) found herself returning to their room first nowadays, and when Anya was in the room, her back was turned to her, but the shuffling from her side of the room was a clear indicator that she had not been sleeping. 

(Y/N) was concerned for her friend, but there was never a good opportunity to check in on her, that is, until Anya found her one day to ask if she was free for her regular psych eval. Jumping on the opportunity right away, she braced herself to enter the medical bay, ready to make sure things were alright. 

This was the first time she fully made eye contact with Anya in a while, and something inside her sank as she took in her appearance. Her typically glossy black hair was oily and matte and dark circles stained her eyes, giving her gaze a hollowed effect. Making sure the med bay door was fully shut, she took a seat across the desk from her before speaking out, beating her to it. 

“Anya, I haven’t gotten to talk to you in a while. You’ve been so quiet all of this week and I’m worried. What’s going on?” 

With a pause, Anya let out a small, soulless chuckle. “I was supposed to start your evaluations and the first thing you do before we start is check on my wellbeing.”

“Well, of course. I mean you’re responsible for all of ours, but who checks up on you? I’m worried about you, not as your crewmate but as your friend, as the only other woman here on this ship. I need to make sure you’re okay.” (Y/N) leaned into the desk a little bit, placing a hand over Anya’s. 

She noticed as Anya’s lower lip started to quiver and her nose and mouth started to scrunch together. “I don’t feel like I have control over anything anymore, (Y/N).” A tear slipped out of her eye as she swallowed hard. 

Both hands were squeezing the crying woman’s now in a desperate attempt to share the burden. “What do you mean? Do you feel stuck being here? Do you miss Earth?”

“No, that’s not it.” Anya couldn’t bear to look at her anymore. Her head bent down in shame as she choked on the words coming out of her mouth. As (Y/N) listened, she felt herself drift further and further away from the sensation of her own body, unaware of the tears that began falling down her face as well. 

“When did this happen?” She cried. She immediately thought about the one night she did not spend in their shared room, going instead to the cockpit to bring the captain a cup of coffee and company, falling asleep and waking up in his arms. Guilt and horror ricocheted her back into the sensation of her own body as she started trembling. “N-No, don’t tell me it was that night. He came into our room, didn’t he? When I wasn’t there?” Anya nodded, crying a little harder now. “Oh, Anya, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there.” She sobbed. 

“At first, I was mad that you weren’t there. The hypotheticals after it happened were constantly playing in my head. If only you were there, maybe he wouldn’t have felt encouraged to come in. Maybe if I didn’t start a conversation with him that night before going to bed, he wouldn’t have thought to do such a thing. Maybe if I didn’t just wear a t-shirt instead of our typical long sleeved uniforms, he wouldn’t have felt tempted.”

“No, honey, no. None of these things encouraged him to do what he did. You are here to do your job and you do amazing at it. Nothing you did should have ‘tempted’ him to do what he did. He made that choice entirely on his own.” Along with the sadness and guilt (Y/N) felt for her friend, a new emotion arose – anger. She remembered that night, how Jimmy looked at her and tried to approach her. What he wanted was now so clear to her, and it made her so guilty to realise how narrowly she escaped and diverted the fate to Anya. She cautiously made her way around the desk, sinking to her knees in front of Anya now, who was still sitting in her chair but moved to face her. With cautious hands, she shakily wrapped her arms around her, which Anya slowly accepted, and the both of them cried as they held each other, mourning the situation now for what it was – a loss of autonomy and control, a direct violation of reducing her to something less than human, knowing later on would be a time for figuring out what to do next. 

The rest of the day was a blur for (Y/N). The two women agreed to find another time to talk about what to do later since there were still so many tasks to be done before the day ended. She dragged along, her heart beating out of her chest as Jimmy passed her in the hallway without acknowledging her. She tried to keep her breathing steady and quiet. Unable to focus, (Y/N) decided on completing the minimum of her tasks before retreating to her room, deciding to read to clear her head. 

In the evening, a gentle knock came from outside of the door, and she got up to creak open the door slightly. Looking up, she was met with the admiring eyes of the captain, who leaned down to give her a peck on the lips before looking back at her, eyes widening slightly when he finally took in the expression on her face. He brought a hand to her face, brushing his thumb against her cheekbone.

“Have you been crying?” He asked. She turned away, unsure of how to answer him. “(Y/N),” he began. “What’s wrong? Talk to me, please.”

She held back the tears threatening to spill, unsure if she should lean into him for comfort or stay at a distance after spending the entire day drenched in guilt. “I-It’s not my place to say. I swear I’m fine. I just need a little time to think, okay?” She dismissed him and he shot her a worried look, rubbing his hands up and down her back, clearly concerned over the state she was in. After getting the clear signal that she wanted time alone, Curly pressed a kiss on her temple before bidding her goodnight and leaving the room. 

Not long after, Anya slipped into the room, in the same state (Y/N) found her in earlier. Sitting down together, they began to talk.

“We can’t let him roam around and get away with this, Anya. He has to take responsibility for what he did to you. If we don’t do anything, there’s no telling if he will try something again.” (Y/N) persisted.

“I know, you’re right,” Anya sighed. “But I don’t want so much attention drawn to this. Sure, there’s only the six of us on this ship, but once we get corporate involved, things can get so much more complicated.”

The other woman stared down at her hands, picking at her nails anxiously. “How many weeks in did you say you thought you were again?”

“From my last period, it’s been a month and a half. I took a pregnancy test about two weeks ago that came up positive.”

(Y/N) did some mental maths. “By the time we get back from this trip, you’ll be into your third trimester and showing. It will definitely raise some questions by the time we get back. And it would be too late to terminate the pregnancy at that point. I’m assuming we don’t have the equipment to do that safely on board, right?” Anya shook her head. “Okay, then I still believe that holding Jimmy accountable for what he’s done is the best solution moving forward. I know it’ll be hard to want to speak up and make him pay, but it's the right thing to do, and you’ll always have my support. We need to tell the captain.”

Anya sighed and stared into her lap. “That’s the thing. I already did.” Shock flooded (Y/N)’s system and she felt momentarily paralyzed by this revelation. 

“Wh-What? And did he say anything?” she asked.

Slowly, a tear ran down Anya’s face once again. “He told me he would talk to him, but I don’t think he has yet. I told him a week or two after it happened. He doesn’t know that I’m pregnant yet but he didn’t want to believe that his friend could do such a thing. I tried to tell him but he sort of just shot it down.”

Anger rose in (Y/N)’s body like hot, pressurised steam. “So he chose his friendship over the safety of his team.”

Anya put a hand on her arm in an effort to get her attention. “I don’t blame him, I’m sure he’s disappointed that his friend would do such a thing, so denial of it would make sense.”

(Y/N) shook her head. “That doesn’t excuse the way he chose to dismiss you. Please, Anya. Let me talk to him and try to reason about this. You need to get your rest. I promise I’ll be back to the room soon – I believe him and Jimmy are still in the cockpit anyway. You’re safe in here now.”

For the first time in a while, she saw Anya's shoulder droop, feeling defeated and fatigued. How many days has it been since she didn’t have to worry about her safety on this cramped ship? Finally, she had gained an ally in her corner. 

(Y/N) slipped out of the room, a bitter knot forming in her throat as she felt herself shaking – whether it was from disappointment or rage, she couldn’t tell. These past few weeks have been perfect. She had found someone who she looked up to and admired, someone who understood her needs and could be there for her when she needed him. Now, after hearing what he had done, the man who she thought was perfect had fallen from the high place she put him. 

Her fist shook as she knocked on the cockpit door, her heart beating so rapidly she could hear the sound of blood pumping through her ears. With a soft noise of acknowledgement on the other side, she cracked open the door to see the captain and co-pilot turn around to look at her. 

“Can I have a word with you, Captain?” She asked shakily. He nodded and got out of his seat, making sure that Jimmy was capable of taking over while he was gone. (Y/N) turned around to walk out, not looking behind to check and see if Curly was following her. She walked at a brisk pace, trying to avoid walking alongside him and stopped once she stepped into the utility room, arms wrapped around herself. She couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye. He grew increasingly worried as he followed after her, calling her name several times to no avail. When she stopped to turn around to face him, he held her arms, looking down at her.

“(Y/N), what’s going on? I’ve been so worried about you today.”  He tried to console her to the best of his ability, but she stepped out of his hold. 

“Anya came to you when she needed your help,” her voice quivered. “Why didn’t you listen to her? Why didn’t you take her seriously when she needed someone to make sure that she was safe?” 

His expression sank immediately. “I-I– fuck, I was going to talk to him about it but there was never a good time. Jimmy is trying his best, okay? This was just a big mistake that he made.”

“A mistake? This “mistake” has haunted Anya with the realisation that there is no corner of this ship that is safe for her anymore!” Tears of rage started welling up again. “What Jimmy did to her left her to deal with the consequences of his actions and when we get back from our trip, the world is going to make her pay for it.” she choked. 

“What?” he was confused. 

“Captain,” (Y/N) began. “He got her pregnant. By the time we get back from this trip, she’ll almost be ready to deliver.” 

A mixed look of shock and dread spread on his face. “W-We can fix this. I’ll make sure to talk to Anya about how she wants to go about it and we can come up with a plan to talk to him together.”

“You’re the one in charge here. The safety of your crew is your responsibility. Anya deserves an apology and greater respect from you to listen to her and take her seriously.” She sounded bitter. “I had so much respect for you as your subordinate and I was beginning to think that I loved you, but I can’t excuse the way you dealt with this.” (Y/N) started heading for the exit of the room, only to be stopped by Curly’s hand grasping her shoulder. He stared down at her in guilt and desperation.

“Please, give me another chance. There’s still time to make things right. How I dealt with this was entirely wrong. I’ll fix this.” It hurt him to see the way she looked back up at him, frustrated and disappointed. 

“Good. Take responsibility, Captain.” With that, she slipped from his hand and made her way back to her quarters. 

[scoobydoodean]

Continuing in 7.11, Sam assumes it should be Dean's job as Bobby's oldest child to not just call people, but also decide if "they" should call people (when he really seems to just mean, "Dean, you should call all of Bobby's friends and tell them he's dead. Not me though".)

The first week, the brothers spend grieving in Bobby's cabin alone. The second and third week, they've been trying to figure out what the numbers that Bobby wrote on Sam's palm mean. Dean is obsessed with figuring out the numbers, seeing it as his duty to find out what Bobby thought was so important about them. He later says to Frank frantically, "Bobby died for those numbers!" But having come up with nothing after 1-2 weeks, there's no momentum left, and Sam's mind starts wandering back to the grieving process (as they both note at the end of 7.11—they just want to work—but the numbers aren't a suitable distraction for Sam anymore).

SAM: Dean, you know, um... I wonder if – if we... I mean, should we be telling people? I mean, people he knew. DEAN: How long ago did I give Frank these numbers? It's been a few weeks, right? What, is he nuts, or is he just being rude? SAM: Probably both. Dean, I-I asked you a question.

Sam says "we" should be telling people... but he doesn't really mean "we". The way he pushes Dean to decide makes it clear that it's not really "we should call people" it's "you should call people". Dean is still hyper-focused on the numbers, ignores Sam, and starts worrying about Frank.

DEAN: Unless, of course, something happened to him. He can't get to the phone because a Leviathan ate his face. SAM: Yeah, also a possibility. DEAN: We should go check on him. SAM: Dean, do you want to call Bobby's people or not?

Sam pushes harder, trying to make Dean answer, and finally, Dean stops ignoring him, and pushes back, but still continues with the "we" and "our" that they both already know just means "Dean":

DEAN: W-why is – why is that our job? SAM: Because who else is gonna do it?

Oof. "Because who else is going to do it?" Might be the theme of Dean's entire life. There's always an expectation for Dean to do jobs he doesn't feel equipped to do, simply because no one else is there to do it, from caring for Sam most of the time growing up in place of an actual adult, to consoling his own father, to hunting and saving the world every time it starts to self-destruct which he last said only two episodes ago is exhausting him to the point of an emotional breakdown. Only calling people suddenly seems to be very important to Sam, and Sam could absolutely do that on his own (or at least start the process on his own) but he's determined to get Dean to do it instead (otherwise he wouldn't keep asking so insistently) and Dean knows that. So Dean reveals that Sam's "we" isn't really a "we" but a "you" by suggesting Sam do it alone:

DEAN: I'm not calling anybody. If you want to, you go right ahead. SAM: I don't want to call anybody. You kidding me?

Sam's response—dropping the subject the moment it's suggested that he take the lead on calling people instead of Dean? Again—he never meant we.

Not a lot to say about 7.10 "Death's Door" which presents a pretty clear (and I think very touching) narrative. But one thing I want to talk about is Sam and Dean's responses to Bobby being at death's door and Dean filling the assumed role as the oldest, handling most practical matters surrounding their adoptive father's hospitalization and death (and being afforded far less breathing room partly as a consequence). We already know from 3.10 that Dean is Bobby's emergency contact. In that same episode, Dean refers to Bobby as his father for the first time. Dean makes the same claim in 4.01, and of course—in 7.10, Bobby makes it very clear that he sees Sam and Dean as his sons.

The first way we see Dean taking on the practical role as the oldest son is by facing the initial news about Bobby's condition from the doctor alone. Whether it's good or bad, he knows he has to be the one to hear it. Dean stands tall but rigid—bracing himself. In contrast, Sam noticeably hangs in the background. He isn't ready to shoulder any of the information about Bobby's condition yet without his older brother as a buffer.

Sam is looking very little brother shaped when the doctor leaves and Dean turns around to see how Sam is reacting to the news that Bobby is stable.

Notice how Sam stands—as far back against the wall as possible. Dean had been standing right in front of the door to Bobby's room when the doctor emerged. In contrast, Sam's position protected him from having a direct line of sight into Bobby's room when the curtains opened, because he can't look.

Note: I'm not judging Sam for this. It's a reasonable reaction to the fear of losing a loved one. I also think it's in keeping with Sam's previous avoidance of situations that would force him to confront Bobby possibly not making it or in a tenuous emotional state (some examples where I've talked about this here and here and here... or more generally—#sam and bobby).

Sam's feeling more ready to face news about Bobby's condition at Dean's side the next time we see the brothers. They're being told it's possible that Bobby will live, but that he has high swelling, and they can't operate until it goes down. They're also told that most people with this injury die, and "Right now, it all comes down to [Bobby]".

Immediately after the doctor finishes telling them this, with no time to process it, a man comes in asking for Bobby's next of kin, clearly needing to settle some practical matter (Dean initially assumes related to insurance) once again, Dean handles this alone. We see him framed at the very end of the hallway in a separate area, Sam once again noticeably absent.

Dean isn't even being asked about insurance (which he's already not happy about) but about donating Bobby's organs. This guy's timing is absolutely awful. He also assumes Bobby will die, when Dean is focused on just having been told that Bobby could still make it, which makes Dean very upset.

THEN Dean exists the hospital to cool off, and yet again fills the role of the oldest son by inheriting the role of avenger. He sees and confronts Dick Roman alone in the parking lot, swearing to avenge Bobby (which Dean does at the end of the season—as he did John and Mary in 2.22). Dean's actually so confident and scary that—for all his gloating bravado and soulless smiles—Dick appears genuinely threatened for a moment (of course—we already knew from Dick's master plan to get rid of them in 7.06 that he takes The Winchesters seriously as a threat).

While Dean's been gone handling "insurance" (Dean says that's what it was about when Sam asks) and measuring dicks with Dick (which he does mention to Sam), Sam's worked himself up to looking into Bobby's room from a distance.

It's here that Dean asks for an update, and Sam is in the position of being the one to have received news about Bobby that Dean doesn't know yet. Bobby's swelling is going down and he's breathing on his own, which are both good signs. But the doctors aren't sure about surgery yet because it could be risky, and there's dead brain tissue. Bobby's currently stable, but Sam has begun to face the fact that Bobby might not make it. Note that he’s also had time to process alone after hearing the latest news. Dean hasn’t.

Sam then asks to talk to Dean and starts walking out of sight of Bobby again, and here's where he pulls his signature Sam maneuver: Trying to process what he's trying to face through Dean, by trying to make it a problem that Dean hasn't accepted the possibility that Bobby might not make it... when there's not... actually any real reason to push Dean to "accept" that possibility right now. If Bobby had been in intensive care for weeks, that would be one thing... but it hasn't even been 24 hours since he was shot. Whether Bobby has a high probability of making it or not, Dean really hoping he will... isn't actually a problem Dean needs to "deal" with right now for his emotional health or any other reason.

SAM: Can I talk to you? DEAN: What? Talk about what? SAM: You know what. DEAN: No, we're not gonna have that conversation. SAM: Well, we need to. DEAN: He's not gonna die. SAM: He might. DEAN: Sam. SAM: Dean, listen – we need to brace ourselves. DEAN: Why? SAM: Because it's real. DEAN: What do you want to do? You want to hug and – and say we made it through it when Dad died? We've been through enough.

Sam's choice of words here—"because it's real"—isn't an accident. When Dean walks out, Sam sits and immediately presses his thumb into his palm—the action he uses to dispel hallucinations of Lucifer—who is no doubt mocking him and taunting him with hope of Bobby making it being a pipe dream. We know from 6.22 that one of hallucifer's taunts is that Sam never even left The Cage and all of this has been an elaborate hoax to give Sam hope then completely crush his spirit. As a result, Sam feels he needs to go ahead and accept the worst case scenario so that "Lucifer" can't crush him with despair he wasn't ready to feel.

The thing is... this is a problem very specific to Sam. It may be a reality Sam needs to accept on a particularly quick timeline, but it isn't a "we" situation—it's a "me" situation, and what's "good" for Sam isn't necessarily "good" for Dean. There's nothing here that Dean needs to "accept" at this stage. It's not fair to claim he's in denial. Dean's "crime" here is wanting to hope in something he’s been told is possible, and he doesn't appreciate Sam trying to make that a problem and trying to take his hope away prematurely. But Sam finds he needs to "accept", and instead of facing that within himself, tries to make it a problem Dean is having that Sam needs to force him to work through.

[siyuri]

Ef's moment of respite at the bottom of the Mariana Trench from amazing story Falling Falling Stars by @not-poignant

[2129888]

i don't remember how i stumbled across this interview but i've never seen anyone mention it so i'm dropping it here <3 it's a little dated but still like super valuable and a decently in depth look at higuchi-sensei's previous works and how she works and thinks as a mangaka... personally i think it's the most i've ever learned from an interview of hers. super interesting stuff :0)