#i did make a post about this 6 years ago but now im old and changed my mind some

[hoboblaidd]

I’ve been listening to old banters to get the rhythm of how Solas talks, and I’m gonna word vomit a little on his relationships with the Inner Circle. Long rambling post so under a cut.

Solas and Cole’s interactions are wonderful. They’re speaking the same language, they don’t need clarifying questions to get what the other is talking about, and with Cole we actually see the wisdom (“Wisdom”??) part of Solas on full blast. And since they’re speaking this weird language, Solas is more Solas than he is with anyone else. I also love how he talks Cole down from a panic attack, it’s a little thing but so wonderful. A big question is does Cole know exactly who Solas was? Possibly debatable, but I like to think he does and just doesn’t see it as something that’s his to reveal like how he kept Blackwall’s secret. That’s why the Solas post-Inquisition mindwipe is both necessary from Solas’ perspective and so incredibly violating (and sort of retconned with Trespasser?? maybe proximity to a full power Solas took the edge off it, or it was only ever a stop gap, or the writers tried to water it down which would suck). Speaking of, no one reacts to the more minor mindwipe Solas does in the post-breakup banter with a romanced Lavellan. This random apostate mage just changes the channel on Cole’s empathic read and no one is like ‘hang the fuck on a minute, he just out-spirited a spirit.’ 

Aside from Cole, Solas and Varric are the friendliest of his interactions, but I like that it’s not all sunshine and roses. Solas has his (frequently racist) viewpoints that he dumps on Varric, but Varric pushes right back without ever becoming antagonistic. It’s a clash of two competing world views and the wisdom that comes with it, built on lived experiences. They’ve both been around the block and come out of it with different ideas, but they can talk about it as mature adults. Some (or all) of this is attributable to Varric’s charisma rather than Solas’. He’s friends with everyone (except maybe Sebastian lol). If anyone was gonna crack Solas’ cold veneer of disinterest, it’d be Varric.

My favorite interactions he has are with Bull and Vivienne. They’re wildly different in tone, but the foundation is similar - both Vivienne and Bull know he’s withholding something, and they dig on it until he deflects (sometimes well, sometimes less so). Solas recognizes Bull’s intelligence and skills at observation, which is nice for a guy who'll be casually racist to a Tal Vashoth inquisitor as a "compliment." They're kind of bros, as much as Solas can be a bro with someone. Plus, the chess game is my favorite thing in Inquisition. But Solas' banter with Vivienne is just the best. He’s soo bitchy and sarcastic, and neither of them back down from their opposing views. Even with a few moments of agreement, they are diametrically opposed and a ton of fun. They're also not at all wrong about each other - could it be that, gasp! both their world views are wrong?? But she clearly reminds him of the Evanuris, which is a nice insight. And as an aside, Solas with his hackles raised, or low approval, gives so much more away about his personality than you can just find in high approval or less antagonistic dialogue. I like the edge to it. I'm realizing my Solas is basically a low approval Solas who is occasionally nice, and I'm cool with it.

His interactions with Dorian are a slightly more one-sided antagonism on Solas’ part. Dorian means well and tries to reach across the aisle, and Solas generally shuts him down. Dorian’s viewpoint makes sense, but so does Solas’. Dorian is beloved and rightfully so, I love him more than I love Solas. But as much as he’s trying to do better, he’s still got a ways to go, and Solas never fully lets him off the hook. I do think Dorian gets there by the end of the game, at least in recognizing that he can't just help with one thing, he needs to go as big as he can until it kills him. And frankly Solas' expectations of him (free all the slaves elven and non in Tevinter) aren't entirely grounded in the reality of a mortal lifespan. But he still should act.

Something that isn’t talked about much is his relationship to Cassandra, which I really like. It’s built on mutual respect, and they both hold their ground on things without getting antagonistic. Cassandra’s occasional “the Maker would give you comfort” rankles me for personal reasons, but he takes it in stride and never dismisses her over it. It’s who she is and it comes from a place of earnestness instead of proselytizing. They’re not friendly, per se, but they don't have to be. It's the best kind of strictly business, coworker relationship you could ask for.

Solas’ relationship with Blackwall is also great, because it starts from a place like ‘two veterans walk into a bar’ sort of camaraderie and ends with ‘this person is a mirror of what i hate that i am’. Solas at least admits that his initial anger re: Blackwall’s lie was wrong, but I think he was more angry that Blackwall ended up being just like him rather than a better version of him. But also how tf did the god of lies etc. not clock Blackwall’s cagey ass before the reveal. Solas is so bad at his job (and yes I know the none of them were gods and all the labels are propaganda and mythologizing but that's less fun than shitting on the god of lies for being shit at lying).

His interactions with Sera are frustrating, but not for what they are, more for the lack of follow up. There’s something odd going on with Sera that seems more than his usual ‘are these elves real elves’ bullshit. But we don’t get anything more than the cryptic stuff he (and Cole) say to her, and some bits sprinkled into her story. Sera’s a frustrating character for me in general because it feels like the writers sort of forgot the seeds they were planting, or figured they’d save it for something that never happened. It might just be me, but I felt like I was waiting for another shoe to drop that never did. I’d like Veilguard to explore it, and maybe it will, but I’m not holding my breath. But, Solas also outlines the entire philosophy and practice of his rebellion when he’s talking to her which is awesome, especially leading into Veilguard where we might get more context.

Those are my deep thoughts. I want to do a deep dive word vomit on his relationship with each evanuris, but a lot of that will be speculation that's likely to be changed by Veilguard so we'll see. We know pretty much jack shit about his feelings on Sylaise and June (aside from my eternal soft spot for June after theshirallen's portrayal).

[playingonedchess]

hmpf maybe those tumblr people are really right about what characteristics make a type of person, considering how long it took tumblr to condition took me, a straight/cisgender guy, into being into shipping

[bearswithaxes]

My Reggie - one-shot [more @ the end]

The hand ripped against the 18 year olds body, making the blood mix with the water while he drowned.

Thinking about his brother, who isn't his real family, so instead, he thinks of his real one. Dorcas, barty, Evan, Pandora, and Emma.

It was 6:30 pm on the 25th of July when Regulus Black took his final breath. On his 18th birthday.

⋆˙⟡

Sirius coughed up blood and stood up. "I'm going early." He says, wiping blood of his mouth

Dorcas coughed blood next, this time with water, like some was drowning and finally closed their eyes, but it felt like a cut tread got re-stiched and cut again.

Someone died.

Dorcas looks down at her stack of necklaces, four of which are mood trackers of all her friends, ex friends, but one of them was black.

Someone died.

Her Reggie, her baby brother, died, drowned.

ReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedReggiediedRegisded.

"Oh, you sick, sick, basterd for killing a seventeen year old kid," she mumbles, trying not to burst out crying

"Did you say something, miss Meadowes?" Dumbledore asked calmly

"Oh I just said that you are a sick basterd for killing a seventeen year old kid" dorcas replied in an equally calm voice holding onto the black necklace "he's dead and you killed him Albus, you killed two of my brothers"

"Babe, who are you talking about?" Marlene says, coming up to her

"My baby brother, the one he refused to help a year and a month ago because he never wanted the mark, and now he died,"

"Miss Meadowes, you don't mean R-"

' YES I MEAN MY REGGIE, MY BROTHER, IM AS MUCH AS A SIBLING TO REGGIE AS JAMES IS TO SIRIUS MY REGGIE IS DEAD BECUSE OF YOU-YOU ALBUS FUCKING DUMBLEDORE, THE WORST HEAD-FUCKING-MASTER HOGWARTS, OR EVEN BRITAIN HAS EVER SEEN" she screamed

it didn't take long before every-single-one of the order members was looking straight at the girl. The silence that followed was almost painful. Sirius was full on sobbling, Remus and James trying to comfort him while also crying.

''Avada Kedavra'' dorcas hears someone mutter before everything goes black.

°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.•°•.

word count: 351

posted on ao3 (obvi)

one-shot

PLATONIC Dorcas/Regulus my loves ♡

[lesbiancolumbo]

Question from the genuinely ignorant what is The Post?

because this is a good faith question and this was so long ago, i’m gonna answer it and then respectfully and kindly ask people to stop asking, and i think once you read my answer you’ll hopefully understand why lol

in 2017 as an extremely suicidal and isolated 23 year old, i watched lady bird after a really long and difficult weekend of being with my emotionally and verbally abusive mother. the movie was good but extremely triggering for me - i saw a lot of my self and my mother in the film. instead of killing myself that night (and i’m not being flippant, i walked home from the theatre to my tiny little apartment contemplating stepping onto the highway) i decided i would just get it all out somewhere. at the time, letterboxd was a small website and i was a no-one. i wrote a review and vomited all of my feelings.

it’s not a good review. i wasn’t even really able to fully articulate what my own relationship with my mother was at the time. i was still too young and vulnerable to her abuse. but it made me calm enough to go to sleep and start a new week, so i did. it got no attention, except from some friends who liked it and knew my situation.

cut to literally new year’s day 2021. an eighteen year old on tumblr finds my review, screencaps it in its entirety, and posts it on here. it makes it way onto my dash. at first im shocked - that’s me! and i think i reblogged it to say that hey, that’s me! omg! wow! after i did that i almost immediately regretted doing that, because the attention and harassment i’ve received in the THREE YEARS since this post has gone up has honestly been so detrimental to my mental health. my fucking FACE and NAME are in the post bc the op didn’t bother to crop them out. every day i wake up and thank a higher power that my mother hasn’t found this post. people made fun of me, downplayed my (admittedly not very well articulated) experiences, armchair diagnosed me and my mother, posted my letterboxd icon which was MY REAL FACE on this website to MAKE FUN OF MY APPEARANCE and insinuate i deserved everything that happened to me. white supremacist blogs were SPREADING MY FACE AND NAME AROUND.

i got a lot of followers and attention and wanted none of it, and because tumblr is a website and the internet is written in ink, a post never truly gets deleted, and now every 6-12 months my privacy and something i impulse wrote in a moment of pure and true pain gets spread around this website and i can’t do a god damn thing about it.

and like……… i get it. it clearly resonated with people. and i don’t like drawing a hard line. but the violation and the harassment that proceeded from it for MONTHS has made me intolerant. the op of that post is the same age now as i was when i wrote that review, and i hope to god they learned from that experience, because i still have to deal with the ramifications of their fucking choice.

and it sucks. because i love lady bird. but my health is already precarious and i do not want to go through this all again.

[stilespeters]

SALVATION (series)

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6)

pairing: colin zabel x reader

words: 3047

A/N: i told myself i was gonna make the chapters shorter but its still somehow 3k🥲, anyway i hope its not boring. lmk what u think bc feedback is always appreciated. also, im still working on the requests, im having a bit of trouble atm with writing the smut but it’ll be alright. Should mosy likely be posted this week.

summary: after some drama at home, a detective saves your life. Later, an invitation is in your mail.

warnings: swearing, hallucinations

part 2: the invitation

“I’m home!” You yelled as you placed your bag next to the counter and you walked to the kitchen with your car keys where Zoe stood. She looked up from her phone and she smiled when she saw you. She waited for you to give her the car keys so she could drive herself to her internship.

“Did everything go alright?” she asked and you nodded as you leaned against the counter.

“Yeah, I got a new psychiatrist. His name is Rudy Vincent.” Zoe had a smug look on her face when she heard it was a male, and before you could protest, she already spoke.

“Is he cute?”

“He’s too old for you.” you retorted.

“I wasn't talking for me, I was talking for you.”

You gave her a knowing look and you raised your eyebrow at her, making her raise her hands up in defense.

“You’ve been single since what? The stone age?”

You huffed at that and crossed your arms. “Come on now, I’m 23. I’m not that old.”

Zoe rolled her eyes in a playful manner with a scoff. “Can’t believe that I, as a 17 year old, have more sexual experience than you, my 23 year old sister.”

“Zoe, that’s not… I don’t want to talk about this right now. I have 99 problems to think about and sex isn't one of them.” She chuckled, and this time you were the one who rolled your eyes.

“What about you? Seeing anyone interesting? A certain blonde maybe?”

She turned red and looked away and you gave her a smirk. You remembered a blonde boy that came by now and then and then Zoe would go with him. You never asked about it since you were always busy with something in the house, but now you were curious. “I thought he was the mailman first until I saw the letters KLG on his shirt. He’s a frat boy?” You scanned Zoe’s face and you couldn't help but laugh when you saw her biting her lip. “You like him.”

Zoe looked everywhere but your eyes, and you immediately knew the answer. Lately you had noticed that she was much more glowy. It was visible in her face but it was also noticeable in the way she acted. She was much more on her phone lately and she kept smiling behind her screen.

“And I think his school is close to your internship so that means you’ll get to see him even more.” You winked at her and she bit her lip while looking at her feet. “How do you even know him?”

“I met him at a frat party where Madison dragged me to a week ago.”

“Cute, you should show me a picture sometime, I haven't seen his face yet.” you respond. “Oh, and to answer your first question, Vincent seems nice but I’d like to just keep him as my psychiatrist. I have no interest in dating at the moment. For now I have my hands full with two teenagers,” you froze, your face turning into irritation. “Speaking of which, where is Violet?”

“She's upstairs, but Y/n… maybe it’s not the best idea if you-” but before she could finish her sentence, you had already moved to the stairs. You spun around to face Zoe one more time and she caught your car keys before you walked upstairs.

In the hallway you walked to the door on the right with a board that said “Do not disturb”, but you opened the door anyway and immediately stepped into a t- shirt on the ground.

When you looked up, you saw Violet with headphones next to the window with her head resting on her palms, and a cigarette between her fingers.

“Violet!” you tried but the music in her headphones were too loud for her to hear you. So you walked inside and stood next to her with your arms crossed and your eyebrow raised.

“Violet!” This time she looked up a you and placed the headphones around her neck. “What.”

“Don’t give me ‘what’” you sighed. “I got a call from school. You’ve been skipping classes, seriously Violet?”

“Skipping one class isn't gonna hurt me, Y/n.”

“This isn’t just one class, it’s four days. You’ve been skipping school for 4 days. Where the hell have you been? How do you even get cigarettes?” you eyed it in her hands with disgust.

She rolled her eyes and looked back outside. “You’re not my mother, I don't have to tell you,”

“No that's right, but as long as Cordelia is in France, you’re my responsibility. And as long as you're my responsibility you do as I say.” You closed your eyes while sighing and you rubbed your temples. “All I ask from you is to just go to school and not smoke in the house.”

She didn't seem fazed, and as a means to annoy you even more, she brought the cigarette back between her lips and made eye contact. That’s when you plucked it out of her mouth and threw it out of the window, and you could hear her protest as she watched it fall into the grass.

“You’re such a bitch.” she snarled and you rolled your eyes. “No smoking in the house, you're free to do whatever you want as long as you obey those rules.”

“Whatever.”

You sighed again, and you turned around to leave the room. You stopped however when you heard her mumble something.

“You're not even my real sister.” it was as quiet as a whisper but to you it was like a gunshot next to your ear. You slowly turned around and scanned her for any sort of hesitation on her face. All you could read was irritation that you threw her cigarette out of the window. You tried not to show her how hurt you were by her words, but your jaw clenched and your eyebrows were knitted together.

“You know what, I cannot deal with this right now, I’m gonna clear my head,” you sighed and turned around to leave the room. “We’ll talk about it later when I get back.”

When you walked downstairs, Zoe was still in the kitchen and she looked up at you once you walked over to her. You leaned against the counter.

“What am I gonna do with her.” you groaned and you covered your face with your hands. You had always been patient with Violet, especially since you saw so much of your younger self in her, but lately with everything going on, you felt like you were failing as a sister. Sisters were supposed to support each other and have fun with each other. They aren't supposed to disagree with everything and fight about everything. You hated that you kept acting like her mother, but in cases of skipping school, you had to.

You felt a hand on your shoulder and you slowly looked up to see Zoe look at you with an understanding smile. “You're doing great, Y/n. Don't beat yourself up. She'll come around, I know she will.”

“Yeah,” you whispered and you looked outside into the garden. “I think I’m gonna go for some fresh air, maybe get some coffee. I need to clear my head.”

“Alright, I’m going to my internship,” she walked to the door but paused. “You’ve got mail by the way.” She pointed at the stack of posts on the table. “I’ll check them later.” You said and you walked over to the coatrack.

After you sat down at a table with coffee in your hands you couldn't stop thinking about what Violet said. It was like a knife to your chest, and you hated that you and her didn't have a bond as tight as it was before. Yes, you weren't her sister biologically, but you didn't care that you weren't blood related to the Goode family. Violet was still legally your sister whether she liked it or not.

And although you knew it was probably just her moody teenage self, it still hurt.

You loved her unconditionally and part of you felt like that love wasn't fully returned.

You bit the inside of your cheek and before you knew it, thoughts consumed you. Most of them were about you and violet. You didn't even realize that half an hour had passed.

That’s when you looked up, and came face to face with your worst nightmare.

Kai Anderson.

It was so sudden that your smile immediately disappeared. It felt like the air got sucked from your lungs, and your mind stopped working. As if the wheels in your head stopped spinning, and the world around you froze.

He was casually standing on the other side of the crosswalk with his hands in his pockets, a neutral expression on his face and his lips in a thin line. When you made eye contact, his lips curled upwards in somewhat of a mocking smile and you analyzed him cautiously. His blue hair was shoulder length as always, he wore a black jacket and black trousers, and he had a dark blue beanie on his head.

Even from a distance he looked menacing.

Your eyes narrowed at him, and your knuckles turned white as you squeezed your coffee cup. It was a wonder that you didn’t squish it, but luckily it didn’t since the coat you were wearing was Zoe’s. She’d kill you if you stained it since it was one of her favorites. One time when you stole her scarf for a day and stained it with cola, she didn’t talk to you for the rest of the day. Which is funny since she wasn't the most fond of fashion.

After a few seconds of recollection, your grip loosened on the cup and your mouth that hung slightly open, closed. You remembered what Vincent said.

“If you see him again, I want you to try and convince yourself that he isn’t real.”

So you closed your eyes, and let out a deep sigh while repeating the same sentence over and over again.

you are not real, you are not real, you are not real.

You were sure that if bystanders were to see you chant this, they would absolutely think you were batshit crazy, but you didn't care. They already thought you were. All you wanted was for this fucker to go away and rot in hell, not in your dreams or in your daily life. And if making yourself look like a fool was the solution to get him away, you would gladly do it.

After minutes passed, you sucked in one deep breath, and when you opened your eyes part of you expected for him to be gone.

Yet again, you were met with the same terrifying eyes of Kai.

Fear began to creep back in, and your muscles that loosened a while ago now tensed again. Why wasn’t he going away? Why was he still standing there like time hadn’t passed? How did he look so real?

Your eyes blinked rapidly, like there was something in your eye that wouldn’t go away. But no matter what you did, he just didn’t go away. He was like a fly in the room at night who kept zooming in your ear. Like, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to swat it away, it just keeps zooming like a nuclear alarm. It was the most infuriating thing ever.

Suddenly you had the urge to kick him as hard as possible. You downed the last remaining bits of coffee down your throat, clenched your jaws shut together and your clammy hands turned into fists. Suddenly all the fear and confusion started to morph into anger.

It morphed into pure rage.

He had taken control over your life for 7 years.

He wasn't gonna take more.

So you did something that might be the smartest or dumbest thing you had ever done.

You stood up, threw 5 dollars out of your purse on the table for your coffee, and you started making your way to the other side of the crossroad. People around you didn’t notice the way you marched in one line straight to Kai, except for the people you pushed away. They glared.

But you didn't give a flying fuck. For years you had made yourself a victim, trying to ignore your problems until they eventually went away, only to recur again. But right now, you wanted to face your problem, in the hopes of finally overcoming your fear. In the hopes of finally being able to breathe without feeling paranoid. You finally decided to not cower or run away.

You almost reached the pedestrian cross, when you suddenly got pulled out of your thoughts as someone roughly pulled your coat, making you let out a yelp. Your body got tugged backwards just as a car screeched down the road, and you nearly tripped as your heel got stuck in front of the trottoir. Your eyes went wide as the car honked, and if it weren't for two hands holding you steady, you would've fallen down due to the momentum.

“It’s a pedestrian crossing, are you blind?!” A man shouted. He held your arms firmly, afraid that you’d fall if he didn't and his voice was filled with worry. “I got you.” His voice was gentle and you stared at his chest in shock. You didn't realize that your inner monologue made you not watch your surroundings. It almost got you run over. A few people who were now crossing the road, looked up at the two of you and you couldn't feel more embarrassed.

His eyes were still focused on the car that moved around the corner. Your eyes were still wide and your heart was rapidly beating as adrenaline flooded through your body. Your arms were clutched to your chest and your mouth hung slightly agape. You looked like a lost child who just lost their parents.

“Hey, are you okay?” You snapped back into reality and your head tilted to look at the man who saved your life. “Yeah.” You managed to get out in a voice crack and you gulped harshly. He gave you a soft smile and let go of your arms carefully. His hands went into his pockets and you scanned his face. He had dimples, dark brown eyes and dark brown hair.

“You saved my life, thank you.”

“It’s nothing. That asshole should’ve seen that it was a pedestrian crossing. There are children walking around here.” He looked at two kids eating ice cream a few meters away from you before looking back at me again.

“Are you okay, truly? Cause that must've been quite the scare. I hope I didn't grab your arm too harshly.”

“Yeah I’m fine, really. Thank you again for pulling me back. I owe you.”

There was a short silence and you both exchanged shy glances. You had never seen this man before, but he had somewhat of a familiar face. You swore you had seen him somewhere before but you couldn't quite place it from where you had seen him. It was probably just one of those faces that looked similar.

After you got out of your trance, you looked at the spot where Kai stood, and now he was nowhere to be seen.

“Fuck,” you said as you stared at the empty spot, and the man raised his eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, I just…” you began and the man looked at the spot where you were previously staring at. “Never mind.”

You looked back at him and after a short glance, he raised his hand for you to shake. “I’m Colin by the way.”

His hands were big compared to yours. “Y/n.”

His smile faded and his eyes widened. “Holy shit, you’re the girl from the Anderson case,” he could faintly remember your features from the girl in the court video. You looked identical, only older.

You slowly nodded while kissing the back of your teeth and he immediately shook his head. “I’m sorry, you must be tired from hearing that all the time, I’m new to the area here for work.”

That’s when the wheels for you began to click. “Wait, you’re that one detective guy, the one who solved that one cold case and the one who solved that one case in Pennsylvania.”

“Yup.” he placed emphasis on the p and you smiled. Funny how you two both recognized each other.

“That’s really impressive, are you here for the recent killings?”

“Yeah, I was on my way to the station actually, you?”

“I was uhmm… just about to head home, I’m sorry for holding you up,” you referred to his previous answer. “Thanks for saving me, again I’m really grateful.”

“It’s alright.” He said and as you looked up at him, he was contemplating whether or not to continue the conversation, but before he could speak, you had already walked away.

He cursed himself for not talking to you more because he really felt something when he touched you. He knew it was silly, but as he watched you walk away, he felt kind of… drawn to you.

When you got home you had placed yourself on the couch with your mail at hand. Most of it wasn't that special. Bills, insurance, advertisements… You scanned through it all, until one envelope caught your attention.

It was sealed with red marking and on the center of the envelope was your name written in elegant calligraphy.

You carefully opened the envelope to not damage the paper, and when it opened, a card slid out of it. The paper felt thick and expensive, and when you read the words, you knitted your eyebrows together.

Dear Miss Goode, it has been a while since we last spoke. I hope you’re doing well in these times of despair, and I hope to get our status up as acquaintances after all these years. Thereby I am most delighted to invite you to the opening of the Hotel Cortez. Saturday at 8pm. You can bring a plus one if you’d like. It would be delightful if you were to attend.

JPM

[juliets-roller-derby-awesomeness]

here are my other blogs by the way:

@shitty-goose-quack : main blog, i made it like 6 years ago but now it's just kinda the dumping ground for stuff that doesn't fit on my other blogs

@private(no touchy) : personal unlisted blog (not the real url) for osdid and archiving and stuff

@emoassbitch69 : [defunct] alter blog for nigel

@shitty-goose-quack2 : [defunct] old spam i think??

@iliketurtlesxyz : [defunct] not the exact url bc i don't remember it but another spam

@shitty-art-quack : art blog i made and haven't posted on in like 2 years, it was supposed to be multimedia i think??

@tellthemhowihopetheyshouted : taylor swift blog 1, i think it has more followers than the next one, i used to spam gifsets and gaylor theories, then i got embarrassed about the gaylor stuff and now it's basically a dumping ground again

@lipssoscarlett : for some reason not tagging but it's active ish, as in i haven't deleted it. theres like some corner of the system that believes in/interacts with/thinks about gaylor and jamie (she/her, former/dorment/fused/gone alter) pushed them out of ts blog 1 i think?? so that one was just supposed to be for the gaylor pe(ople)(rson) but either they don't front or they don't blog very much anymore so ???

@juliets-roller-derby-awesomeness : by far my favorite desperate the fact that i don't know what im supposed to post here. i started this in like july and it's the baby of the group. the intention was to make it super organized and tag everything, which i did, i have a goddamn episode master post and if i post anything about an episode i tag it and im so proud of that, but then i started watching new girl

it makes me feel bad when i have ""too many"" blogs, it's not an exact number but when i look at them i think like ew i need to delete some so i don't make new blogs for a thing for a while because if i stop liking it then i just have a thing i don't post on but i can't delete cause ill lose everything and what if i get interested again

so i started posting ng stuff on here and i only tag it with characters and not very well so either i need to stop or change my pinned post and it stresses me out; but otherwise i like this blog a lot it has by far the most mutuals and responses and it feels much more part of a community than anything else i do on here

[anxious-lee]

i deeply apologize for bothering you with this question, but do you have any tips for starting a tk blog? I NEED to talk about tks somewhere but at the same time im kinda scared 😭

No apology needed, I love to help 😊

I was in your shoes not long ago so let me tell you some things that I've learned over the past couple years

1. Since you're nervous, start with a sfw blog. If that's all you want, great. If you want a nsfw, try out a few months with the sfw blog first

2. I wouldn't jump right into actively tickle teasing anyone when you're fresh out of the gate. People need time to learn who you are, what your vibe is, and what kind of blog you run. The first few months I was here, I did very little besides share personal tickle thoughts, memes, and reblogging fics. After a while, people will become comfortable talking to you directly and then you can gauge how ready you are for teasing.

3. Speaking of teasing, don't chase it too long unless you can tell that the recipient is open to it. Read their cues in their messages and decide if tickle talk is welcome. But a sly comment rarely hurts

4. Be sure to leave positive feedback on as many fics and art pieces as you can, because as a writer, the BIGGEST motivation to keep doing what im doing, is seeing how happy it makes other people. Spread the positivity and support around!

5. STAY SAFE!! I don't know how old you are, but regardless, do not use any personal information on your blog, no first or last name, none of that (basically just normal internet safety rules)

6. This one I had to learn along the way: you don't owe anyone any kind of anything. It can feel exciting if someone messages you wanting to talk about more intimate tickle details (where your worst spot is etc) but you need to make sure you're 100% comfortable. You don't owe anyone a peek behind the curtain. Nothing you post is "begging" for a conversation about personal stuff. Now, if you WANT to talk about that stuff, that's a different story. Go right ahead :)

7. I can't stress this enough, PLEASE don't tag your posts with fandom names ("#hazbin hotel"). That broadcasts them to people outside of the community. They don't want that. We don't want that. A good alternative is to make a tag with the word "tickle" in it (#hazbin hotel tickles)

8. Make sure to properly tag your posts as sfw or nsfw. It can be very jarring to sex-repulsed individuals to get jumpscared by horny tickle content

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE!

9. Have fun with it! This blog can be a place for you to explore yourself and find people you can relate to. Make the most of it! ❤️😊

Hope this helps you get started 🫶

[holidayslinger]

i think the addiction language is making people a little uncomfortable because we're already on edge. there's been fandom homophobia, the show making a "turned gay" joke, buck not addressing his bisexuality in canon, and #letbuckfuck (which i personally don't think is biphobic i'm just... not a fan), plus people's personal interpretations of what the show has been doing. i don't think there's anything inherently wrong with using addiction as a metaphor, it's just that a lot of factors have been compounding and people are disappointed and feeling vulnerable about everything.

fwiw, my post was actually in response to a buddie post that was tagged as anti-bucktommy but i do get that people are feeling particularly touchy rn. (tho i did see other posts they just didn’t trigger my comment.)

i have my own opinions about the whole buck hasnt said bisexual and that’s Bad thing (i don’t think it’s bad, tbh, i think he still doesn’t have the word bc thus far it’s been Only Tommy and that’s part of the whole hes still got shit to figure out thing - speaking from experience as a 40 year old who came out late in life in my 30s and spent years trying to find the right words and half the time STILL doesn’t know it anything really fits) and i PERSONALLY feel uncomfortable with some of the talk about how if we thinks he’s still figuring shit out were infantilizing him or treating him like a child. sexuality is hard especially when you’re kind of feeling it out as you go and honestly labels aren’t everything. i get it people want the tangible representation but for some of us that IS a person who just kind of needs time to say the actual words and is still trying to figure it out. i do think he’ll get there though and maybe that’s Very Naive of me. but right now i think he’s only thinking about tommy - and honestly i think that’s kind of where he’s always been.

its not surprising that mr im an ally i mean sure ill look at a hot guys ass but that’s normal i’ve only ever really kissed or thought about kissing one man and im hung up on him hasn’t really thought about a label TO ME. i don’t begrudge anyone who feels differently.

we all have shit rn that’s making fandom uncomfortable to us so i DO get it. we’re all just feeling our feelings. since 8x06 ive found everything to be a little depressing, particularly hostile, and honestly just completely unenjoyable which is why i haven’t been here much. (both because tommy leaving was just so devastating to me and because i feel like the atmosphere in fandom is just thick and tense which i do understand why but it’s just sigh) so i DO get it. and everyone had a different lived experience that’s gonna color how they view things.

honestly i kind of just wanted to post about how clean is the greatest break up song of all time. i am very sorry if it poked at anyone’s wounds or made anyone feel bad i just love music and pop culture and metaphors and i have not stopped thinking about that song since buck said the thing about relapsing last night.

like it is legitimately still baffling to me anyone reads the things i say on here and cares at all about them even tho i know they do. i just wanna shriek to the void about the weewoos. i won’t argue that it’s the greatest show of all time or anything but i love it i find comfort in it and its fun for me. i’m trying more and more not to take it seriously bc at the end of the day it’s a show where there can be a bee tornado and a shark on the freeway and your dead wife’s clone and then a tsunami just wipes out santa monica and it’s completely rebuilt 6 months later. also chris was gone 3 months 3 months ago but he’s also been gone 3 months last night and how old is eddie diaz anyway????

[kavehpilled]

ALL of them.

OK SO YIU HATE ME

1. how many followers do you have?

somewhere around 1.7k i lost track a long time ago

2. whens the last time you went on a date?

june? its been so long ☹️

3. how many posts have you made?

WELL over 20k this account is 3 years old

4. what type of shoes do you wear?

white avia elevates or my blue converse

5. what color are the walls of your room?

cream at my moms, brown at my dads

6. where are you right now?

in english im about to pull the trigger

7. would you consider yourself good at art?

perchance…. i know im alright enough at it that people like my art and make it their pfp sometimes. i even have a mutual that printed a drawing i did of atsushi and put it on their wall💀

8. who was your first kiss?

you😛

9. do you still sleep with stuffed animals?

YEA LIKE 5 LMFAO

10. whats your favorite piece of clothing you own?

i have a really nice red cardigan that i basically live in at home

11. do you live in an urban, suburban, or rural area?

suburban all around i think i dont remember

12. whats your favorite store to shop at?

goodwill🫶

13. if you had to choose one POSITIVE word to describe yourself, what would it be?

gentle i think

14. do you collect anything?

classic novels! im restarting my collection of tiny bear figurines and friendship bracelets tho

15. whats the last thing you ate?

i had a banana applesauce like an hour ago :)

16. if you go to therapy, do you like your therapist?

i go once a month and shes nice! got me referrals for diagnoses so that was chill

17. whats one thing you want to buy, but dont have the money or resources to get it?

WRIOTHESLEY DOLL.

18. whos the first person you can think of?

you

19. how old were you when you found out santa wasnt real?

i think ~5? my cousin told me :(

20. if you could revive one tv show that has been cancelled, what would it be?

jjk bro pls revive and continue for me. i need satosugu to be happy

21. do you consider yourself a part of any alternative subculture?

i dont think so!

22. who was your childhood favorite music artist?

taylor swift or sir mix a lot

23. cds or record players?

despite my extensive cd collection i would say records

24. do you believe in any conspiracy theories?

i wish but i think too rationally for any of that

25. would you get back together with an ex if given the opportunity?

i think people always deserve a second chance and we are legitimate living proof of that, even if that concept like translates into relationships. im nowhere near ready for anything right now but if i ever got back together with ANYONE they would have to change a lot. i have hope in everyone tho

26. favorite kids show character?

kwazii from octonauts :)

27. is the person you call your best friend actually your best friend?

yeah!

28. when youre sad, do you prefer to listen to music to match your mood, or listen to happy music?

sad music all the way. i rarely cry so when im genuinely upset its nice to get it out to sad songs yk

29. whats the last outfit you wore?

im a chronic outfit repeater so. white turtleneck under a dark green sweater that has pumpkins all over it and dark brown cargo pants. ive worn this like 10 times

30. do you have any online friends?

YES alice ezra and skylia are the ones i talk to the most!! but i have a lot of mutuals i love interacting with ppl

31. least favorite clothing style that is currently popular?

those white fox hoodies make me carnally angry

32. how often do you do your laundry?

once a week at my dads, twice a week at my moms. its a weird system but i have more clothes at my moms currently

33. do you prefer silver or gold jewelry?

gold, silver makes me look sad and grungy

34. whats your book/movie/tv guilty pleasure?

i like reading cherry crush on webtoon when im bored💀🙏

35. if you could change your hair however you want, how would you change it?

id probably dye it to calico colors but im scared ill look like a goof

36. do you paint your nails?

sometimes! i did them blue like for a day and then i got bored. i pick at them too much so its like a little treat

37. whats an uncommon/specific/ obscure topic youre interested in?

vampire burial practices and eastern european rituals

38. whats the name of your first pet?

KITTY💀 he was an orange cat that got eaten by coyotes

39. whats one feature you would change on tumblr?

im not active enough to notice anything…

40. whats the most interesting item you own?

i think a tiny glass giraffe i love him

41. would you rather go on a date at a museum or a concert?

museum all the way i love intimacy with that kinda thing

42. whats one regret you have?

i could go into extensive detail about what i seriously regret in my life but i think my main one is not telling you enough before we split apart

[beetlebumeffect]

hi everyone

i might be writing this for no one to read, and it’s for no one in particular, just gonna share some things

i’ve had this tumblr for at least 6 years and it’s been an on and off relationship, mainly cause I don’t use tumblr anymore, but also because i’ve been up and down in terms of my eating habits.

life has been better since my last food rant 3 years ago. i have gained more weight, 14 kg more from my last weight in here to be exact. i’ve also gained love, a job where im appreciated, some friends that support me and love me, my own independence (i live alone now!) and my own freedom. while all of this was happening I stopped worrying about what I looked like, I actually learned to find beauty in the way I looked. when you have people around you telling you you’re beautiful all the time you start to believe it.

recently I haven’t felt so beautiful tho. i’ve felt the weight (no pun intended) of all these years in the way I looked. i’ve had some instances where i was reminded how bigger i actually got and I won’t lie, I fell into bad habits of starving to maybe, somehow, fall back into the same pattern. this did not work. i’m not the same person I was when I was at my lowest weight, because I was at my lowest emotionally too. I was 16 and depressed. I always had problems with food, unrelated to weight, so that point was just what broke the camels back. i’m 24 years old now. i’m an adult. I have a job, a boyfriend, a friend group. I have an actual life. I don’t want to spend it starving anymore.

thats why I decided to do things the right way. I’ve been having two meals a day, eating below 1000 calories daily. I eat everything I like just in smaller quantities, or replace things i used to love for things that are healthier but give me the feeling of still enjoying what i like. i’ve also been more active. i work from home so big portion of the weight i gained was from eating poorly and not moving at all during the week. so i’ve bought a bike that i use everyday and i take walks every week, at least 2/3 times a week. i started about 3 weeks ago. so far I lost 2,5 kg. i’m working towards losing 28 by the end of the year but there’s no rush. i wanted to change my habits rather than just feel like im on a diet everyday. i’m trying to heal my concept of food, my relationship with it. it’s hard sometimes when i just want to have more or just want to eat something that i know is full of calories. but i work around it. learning to eat mindfully and not because i Want to eat is what’s been helping a lot. I’m also fasting for about 18 hours a day. I have an eating window of 6 hours but I don’t eat snacks or breakfast. it’s been working well so far, but if im hungry after a meal I’ll definitely have a banana or something lol, even if its considered a snack. i’m trying to not be too strict with myself, still making calorie efficient choices but not punishing myself if i have a bit of cake at a birthday party. its hard for me, but im getting there.

anyway this turned out to be a big ramble, i guess what i want to share in here and the reason why i wanted to post it is because sometimes all you need is one person to love you right, to love you the way you deserve. someone to change your perspective on you, to show you how great you are and that you’re more than what your head tells you. i wish and pray for everyone to find that person, whoever it is, a friend, a lover, a family member. we all deserve that love and connection, it is healing, freeing.

i will try i to come in here from time to time and update or try and keep this semi active. I like having a place where im no one and i can just share my thoughts freely.

if someone actually read all of this, thank you! i hope you wish me luck on my journey and I wish you all the best on yours, wherever you are in it.

[popcornforone]

You’ve Not Lived, Until You Feel Alive

Chapter 2 of Is That All Mr Gutierrez series

Master List

Chapter 1

Thanks for the love for chapter 1 peoples, I know it was a little different to what I usually write but I need to character builds in this one. When we get to the smut it will be exactly what you all want.

Synopsis: Time has now passed & its 10 years since you had your first kiss with Javi. A lot has changed, & you’ve both grown, but your therapist is asking you to write a secure blog only they can see to get you to believe in yourself once again.

Word count:2500

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18! THIS IS A VERY TRAUMATIC CHAPTER! I know this will not be for some of you, it gets dark, but I needed it too, I have to break the reader before they get to have fun. Death, murder, suicidal thoughts, violence, terrorists, cancer, shooting, blood, pain & suffering, angst, agony, anger, PTSD, mental health, nightmares. Pining, wanting, unrequited love not being returned, break ups, loss, sorrow. This chapter is done in a blog, journal format.

Again I am sorry if this is triggering or too much, but I needed to do this to character build. If you want to skip to chapter 3 that’s fine, it will be published soon.

Thanks for understanding peoples, it means a lot, & thanks for reading it’s always appreciated. Don’t worry the smut is on its way, I promise.

Secure therapy Blog post 18

I almost didn’t publish this. I really didn’t think anyone would want to hear what I had to say after the events but my therapist said I should just write when the day happened. Writings my therapy, it’s my creative outlet.

But today was the day the unimaginable thing happened….

My dad passed away & im not sure I can go on.

My dads been unwell for a while. We knew it was cancer & it disappeared about 4 years ago but then it came back, & it was incurable.

Nothing the doctors said… there’s nothing we can do… he’s got 6 months… go make memories with him… so that’s what my mum

& I have done.

My mum to have to go through another loss in her life. Another heartbreak, another good bye. I’m not ready to post about the other heart break yet, but I will do one day. It not mine that happened I don’t recall it.

But we have spent the last 18 months with my dad having the best time in the world. The Gutierrez wedding in Cuba for Javis older sister Luna was so much fun, my dads face as I danced with Javi after few too many drinks, thinking of what I could have had with Javi from my time as a teenager crushing on him. It was like time had frozen. My head buried into Javis neck, inhaling his scent for old time sake. The way his hand stroked my back, making me want more. Trying not to think that his fiancé was looking right at us. She knows I’m just his assistant & look after the legitimate side of the business. She has no idea the feelings I have hidden away from her soon to be husband. A pipe dream I had 10 years ago when I wrote my teenage diary.

But then we got home & dad took a downward turn. & he told me to be brave & go after my dreams & to always be true to myself.

When he was still with us after the 6 months the doctor originally told us, we took each day as a blessing. I don’t believe in god, but I know my dad does. Every night I asked my dads god for one more day with him. & obviously I asked for one too many.

Watching him pass was heartbreaking & but also soothing. He was no longer in pain. & what he did medically for the world to help & try & find a cure still astounds me. My dad went through awake brain surgery to see what happened when it was operated on & how it affects the body. He was so brave. If that procedure saves one life, my dads pain & death won’t have been for nothing.

The Gutierrez’ have told me to take as much time as I need. Javi has sent around a vase of black orchids, my favourite, he always says he sees my inner goth whenever he looks at them. He’s said the business can wait & that he can look after himself for a few days, but I am already missing that dimple & cheeky smile. Even now he has a calming influence on me. It’s just him, it’s just J. He will always be there for me. & yes it’s weird that one of my closest friends in the world is a drug lord & part of the mafia, but we run the legitimate side of the family empire. We run it well. & Javi knows a day will come when he has to run all of it. He’s not looking forward to that but he knows it’s his destiny. He & Sofia will raise an amazing family & have a fantastic life & I will watch by the side, maybe with a family of my own, watching them be happy & be glad I have a small part in their life.

My dad told me to be happy. & that’s what I’m going to do… be happy.

He wouldn’t want me to mope around & wait for life to happen.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

We will have the funeral, Javi Senior has said we can have the wake at their mansion, no need for us to have it in our hotel.

But then I think I need to take that gap year I’ve always promised I would do.

I want to see more of the world than just Spain & England. I want to experience life. I want to feel alive. That’s what my dad always said, you’ve not lived until you feel alive.

Dad I miss you.

I miss your smile.

Your kind eyes.

Your bad jokes.

& I miss that you will never walk me down the aisle or watch me grown into a woman. I know I am a woman but I have so many life experiences to come & you won’t be there to watch me grow & fail. Become proud of myself & who I become.

I love you dad…

I’m not sure I can do this without you…

Secure therapy Blog post 26

I’ve put this off

Everyone’s told me to type

Everyone asked me if I’m okay

I say I am

But I’m not

So here goes

4 months ago I nearly died…

even typing that feels like a weight has lifted off my shoulder

It was horrible

I should not be here

I can still feel the heat when I drop off to sleep

The dreams & nightmares are so vivid

Every day awake was already struggle & now my peaceful sleep is full of flashbacks of horrors or my worst nightmares

It’s pain like nothing else

I was in Rome, after seeing the opera, just on my own. I needed from space from mum, work & Javi. His break up was hurting him a lot & he’d been making rash impulsive decisions. It’s most unlike him. So I suggested I went away for a week, have some me time & so he can get over Sophia. The last thing we both needed was to be moody in each others presence.

So I flew to Rome, did all the sights & went shopping, hooked up with some guys & stayed in a nice hotel & went to the opera.

Then at 3am as I slept in bed I felt warm, it was September so the weather is to be expected. & then I heard the noise, & smelt the ash. A car had exploded outside our hotel & the front of the building had caught on fire. I grabbed my phone & keys & headed to the fire escape.

I could feel the heat surround me, my lungs desperately needing air, as this ash fog just coated my throat. I remember seeing some people pass out, lots of screaming & items on the floor that I did not register. I knew I had to make it out, I had to see everyone I cared for one last time

I know that in the last 18 months since my dad passed I’ve felt helpless & suicidal at times but I’ve always found strength & love from others, it’s got me though it. I needed to get out in one piece. I needed to be with everyone even if it is just to say goodbye.

But then I got to the lobby to make my way to the exit. This was not just a car crashing & exploding, this was a massacre. This was an attack on the hotel & its guests. Bodys burnt in front of my eyes, some people bleeding out, bullets & weapons across the floor. Death stood between me & my exit. How I had got to this part of the hotel still alive & not in pain was a miracle already. As I stepped across the lobby heading for the exit, I could just hear my dads voice like he was there going, you’re doing so well sweetheart, you’re almost safe, you can make it. A few more steps & the horrors will be over. You can almost smell the fresh night air, keep going.

Maybe there is an afterlife, maybe he was reaching out to me but I knew I had to make it across & get tho the exit. It took me a while but I stumbled eventually through the exit & gasped as the nights air filled my lungs.

But then the horror continued… but I have no recollection of it. All I remember is the high piecing screech & suddenly feeling warm as something hit me. Blood trickling & seeping through my sleep shorts. I had been shot. I know I blacked out but there was just one thing running through my mind before my face crashed into the hard cold concrete path. That i would was never get to apologise to Javi for telling him to man up after the break up, for not telling him that I knew Sofia was having an affair sooner, & for not telling him that he has been my true love from the moment I met him, aged 13.

27 of us survived the hotel siege. My mum said I had a face Picasso would have been proud to paint when I woke up. She was crying but her humour got me through it. She’s had so so much loss in her life. Losing me would have hurt the most, she’d have no one. We agreed one step at a time, keep things slow, but I keep having these nightmares from the day. I now know it was the police who shot me by accident thinking I was apart if the group storming the hotel & I am being compensated, I mean it is there job to protect everyone & not take any risks. But I was in my jammies how many terrorist siege a hotel in pjs?

Seeing Javi when I got back here on the island was perfect. All our anger & frustration with each other had gone. We hugged & cried & promised to never be mean or hide anything from each other again. & then he broke my heart just before I went to tell him how I really felt about him & that he helped get me through that night & how he was the last thing I thought of before I blacked out. He said I was his best friend & he knew we would always have each others back.

It still hurts much like the wound in my leg. It hurt deep. But if Javi just wants us to be just friends I can cope with that. I just want Javi to be happy that’s all. I want to watch him grow & flourish & live his best life. I want the world for Javi & if that means I’m just a friend, I hope I can deal with it.

I’m so glad I have a secure server to type on.

This has really helped me today, & so has looking back at all my old posts. Therapy has really made me not feel guilty, that I’m here & those people aren’t. Survivors guilt is real & it’s painful. I do still wish at times that I didn’t make it out but my dad was the voice in my head telling me to keep going & that I am strong. My mum will always have my back. & I know I can trust Javi to support me in everything as a friend, even if that’s all it is. But I do wish it was something more…

Secure therapy Blog post 32

It’s been a while… it really has

My therapist told me to write

She told be to be honest

She told me she would read this

She told me to say it

I am worth something

I am not defined by my recent trauma

& I am valid in my pain

Last week was not only the 2 year anniversary of my dads death but also the day I received my compensation for being shot & the findings report from the massacre were released on the same day, it hit me like a train & i seriously considered with all the emotions & conflict inside me, if my life actually mattered

My mums back in London, to complete the renovation of the new dinning room & kitchen of our hotel there, my best friend is on her honeymoon, & no offence to you my therapist, but I knew what you were going to say. I wanted something else or someone else to validate me.

I’ve been staying at Javis on Saturdays recently, he says that’s when he misses company the most & he usually has meetings or church on Sunday mornings. So I was just standing in the kitchen cooking us dinner, when everything just over came me, the knife in my hand looking so sharp & inviting, would anyone really miss me if I killed myself right now…

I didn’t even know Javi had entered the kitchen, but I knew the second I came out of my paused trance that the tingling sensation Within me was from his hand removing the knife from mine, putting it out of my reach. His other hand stroking my back going up & down my spine. I felt like I was actually breathing & being seen for the first time in almost 2 years.

& that’s when one of my favourite songs came on the playlist i was listening too. & I just rocked with Javi in silence, his arms tightly around me waist, squeezing the pain out of me but also filling me with love & purpose… the moment I finally turned my head to see him & his big puppy dog eyes, the lyrics sang “when nobody understands you, well I do” played. We both just softly smiled at each other no words being said.

When the song ended he asked me if I felt better & that I was always welcome & safe in his house or his parents villa if I need some space & didn’t want to go back to the hotel. I told him I knew that, he told me because that’s what best friends do we say nothing & we just understand don’t we…

I should have told him there & then that I was now sure I wanted more but the moment was so pure & perfect & gave me purpose again, that I didn’t want to ruin it with heart break for me if he rejected me. I couldn’t cope with that, not right now. So I’ll continue continuing on

I know my place

& I know Javi will always be there for me…

Chapter Three

[angrykpoprants]

Its been a while

TW: Child abuse, Dr*gs

It's been a long time. I believe I started this blog when I was 16 years old lol... I turned 24 a few months ago!

So why haven't I been posting? Mental heath. My word of advice is if you are being abuse, actively abused, speak out.

I have been in therapy and well, I can say that I was finally able to let someone know what I experienced.

My grew up with my father being a herion, meth and cocaine addict. Fortunately he has been clean and sober for 7 years. Some issues with my brother, and the worst of all a disturbingly narcissistic gaslighting physically and mentally abusive sister. I am the baby of the family. My sister is more than a decade older than me.

Without going into too much detail, I git diagnosed with ASD as an adult... my sister used to call me "a dumbass ret*rd".

Age 6, I was setting up Christmas cookies for Santa, she didn't like how I arrange it, tried to place them her way... I told her that I didn't like it that way, I thought my was was creative. She stormed off into her room while calling me retarded, then on Christmas Day at the restaurant I tried to sit next to her to apologize, she pushed me out of the booth so that I would fall on the ground.

At the age of 7 she forced to drive a motorboat (no regard for my boundary, despite me saying "no im scared") I was crying the whole time while driving, while her fiancé (now husband) had the boat go max speed, while situationally being told if I make one mistake everyone (my family) on the boat will die. Guess what? I dont have my drivers license. Im too scared to drive.

I had helped her with thanksgiving decor, I had accidentally knocked over a glass candle stick; it broke... her response as a grown married woman with a kid? She pushed me out of her house in the rain, as I tried to grab my shoes she said No and to walk home bare foot. Then proceeds to kick me square in the center of my chest ... I was 13, she was in her mid 20's

She got mad at me because I didn't want to be friends with her sister-in-law's rude cousin during our Vegas trip so after I babysat her kids for 3 hours, she comes back to the hotel room belligerently drunk, yanks my MacBook from my lap, holds it open... only to smash it on the next bed, the hinges broke.

there is more in between, but the last incident I had with her was she blatantly lied to me in the car coming home from Koreatown, I had a panic attack about her lie... the situation was starting to escalate, I asked her to not speak to me for about 5 minutes so I can ground myself. but she can speak to anyone else in the car. Apparently she didn't like that and that I dont have panic attacks.

Did I confront her before? Oh yeah, several times... what happened? "Im sorry but...", "that never happened" "Your exaggerating" "It didn't happen like that" and worst of all "im sorry you feel that way"

[stgroversfire]

LOOOONG fnaf sb ruin post here. lots of criticism and thoughts no one cares about, and of course spoilers.

take it all with a grain of salt, because while i know a lot about the story, i'm a 23 year old that got into the franchise 8 years ago and i havent actively kept up with the lore since fnaf 6.

and because in researching more for this post i found out there's key lore points in the fucking books and i'm not reading a glorified manual to understand the story of a game i paid 40 bucks for.

i want to be kinder to fnaf sb ruin, but i still feel disappointed.

from a gameplay standpoint, it was, of course, a VASTLY improved game. this is a tumblr post not a review, so i'll keep it short, but by god did the dlc actually have intention and vision that the original lacked, with a lot less bugs (more than i find acceptable, but the bar was low here so i'm taking the W). the core gameplay mechanics actually felt like they belonged in the game and made the experience better, and this free dlc went a long way to making sb's $40 price tag closer to worth it.

the atmosphere was stunning to me- much creepier and like it actually belonged in a horror game. the free roam aspect being less painfully redundant and more linear was a great improvement for player experience. the AR mechanic was maybe a touch cluttered, but i still loved it and was glad to see creative ideas implemented without obvious scope creep.

story wise... well, i'm quite sure i must be missing something. after sb i had so many questions, and i think like one of them is answered. there's something to be said about fnaf sticking to its guns and keeping a lot of lore up to speculation, but i haven't fully grasped what the fuck is happening since pizzeria sim.

it's probably a bit soon after release to be shitting on the story but uh. i still don't know who tf gregory is or his relevancy to the plot. i don't know who cassie is or her relevancy to the plot. i liked her character but it felt like a skeleton of a story. every relationship felt too threadbare to justify character actions (although retrospectively there is something to be said about the actions of children being impulsive). and while it's not inherently bad, i personally don't love every piece of her backstory being some one off line that is never explored (i.e. paraphrasing "this faz wrench is like my dads!" and "maybe your friends will come next time").

i was fascinated by the mimic as an antagonist, and relieved to see anyone but springtrap, but having to google who he was and why he randomly changed forms in the scooper ending (??? did i miss something?) to understand the dlc kind of killed a lot of excitement for me. really great design though, and even if it was a bit obvious i enjoyed the whole mimicking gregory thing.

as for the endings: i'm a bit confused as to why gregory would frantically try to save cassie, only to attempt to kill her off. i'm also not sure why he knows about the mimic in the first place. i have my own theories, sure, but speculation doesn't mean much when the concrete scenes we got gave us nothing. i really wanted more information on gregory and frustratingly ended with more goddamned questions. the scooper ending was cool, even if it confused the shit outta me. fredbear ending was uh. actually very creepy to me and probably my favorite of the bunch. the dichotomy of the cheery music and graphics vs cassie's terrified breathing was creepy af and i wish that wasn't just the joke ending.

i'm losing steam here so i'll try to wrap up. all in all, i went into ruin mostly blind and was really hoping for any kind of wrap up on who gregory is (adding here that im now aware that's in the books, but i really really hate the idea of supplemental paid reading for a paid video game), and while i don't hate cassie, i was a little disappointed to see any expansion on the original story. the gameplay was such a different and improved experience i can't believe it came from the same studio.

and despite me absolutely ripping into this thing, i'm really excited to see more from steel wool and scott. help wanted 2 should be a much less disjointed experience, with some really cool tie ins to vanny (if i understand the lore at all)

EDIT: I FORGOT ABOUT THE VANNI SYSTEM. the bunny enemy was very fucking well designed, made complete sense with the story while also preventing the player from staying in AR too long, and fixed a lot of what made the original animatronic AIs feel extremely janky. that creepy bunny guy takes the game from like. a 5/10 to a 7/10.

if you made it this far i'm sorry you read all that and i hope your day is as wonderful as you are, much love.

[the1975attheirverybest]

I’ve had a feeling this was coming. The combination of Matty repeatedly making a point to tell us they aren’t going anywhere, Jamie stressing that this is the last set of shows for a while, and Adams ATPOAIM episode is what did it for me. I couldn’t imagine them jumping right back into another album cycle after the year they’ve had, either. I didn’t even expect this second leg on tour.

It’s heartbreaking to hear confirmation, but besides COVID, they’ve been going nonstop for a decade. Longer breaks just seem inevitable as they get older.

He says a lot of stuff that doesn’t come to pass (he also said they’d take a long break after Notes which didn’t pan out), but he also speaks very deliberately. He seemed nervous when he said it, and the vibe shifted majorly, he knows the weight those words hold. Maybe they’ll make a return in 2025 or 2026 instead of the usual two year cycle.

Anyways, I’m hoping this means his solo project sees the light of day.

Yeah I think you’re right. It’s been a wild ride, the album cycle, right? With everything that’s happened, coming back from Covid and all.

I was talking to @abiiors about this, and, we were saying how this might be a similar thing to what ended up happening with the Arctic Monkeys. There were a few years when they paused. As their families and personal lives grew. And we got TLSP in the meantime. You know?

And, like, let me make a disclaim rn cuz some of y’all in my asks and dms need to fuckin chill. Im NOT saying I don’t want the boys to rest. They SHOULD. It made sense for them to operate the way that they’ve been operating for the past decade because they were establishing a career. They were practically children. From Drive Like I do, to The EPs. By the time ST was a thing they were like 23. They’re grown men in their mid 30s now. Mentally, socially, physically, their lives look very different. They’ve been in serious relationships now. Baby boy Hann is growing up and Hann has been on the road for most of these big important milestones as a father.

It just doesn’t make sense for them to keep going the way that they have been. Ross is now a producer. George has produced a bunch of other records. Matty’s broadened out and made friends with Phoebe and Jack Antonoff (who may or may not be his solo project producer). The boys are growing up. (That’s was going to be the subject of my ‘essay’ on BFIAFL btw. That’s why I’d called it ‘boys to men’ like as a pun on Boys II Men.) that means that their art and their jobs are going to grow and change as well. Slowing down is essential.

And while we’re on the subject, I don’t think that the way they’ve been going for the past 10 years is sustainable. It’s not right. Not healthy. You guys know how Matty always says “we create in the same way that we consume”? It’s true. Because of streaming, post-modernity, etc (especially post-Covid), our consumption of art and entertainment has changed. We have shorter cultural attention spans. A song that came out 6 months ago is already old news today. So, with Notes, Matty has talked about wanting to keep putting out records as long as he has something meaningful to say and as long as culture is hungry for more. And while that might sound like great news for us as fans cuz it just means that we’ll always have new content around the corner. But let’s step back from that for a moment, yes?

That’s not healthy for him. He has already worked himself to the bone over the past ten years. Even at his worst and darkest moments he was making music. And he’s a bit of a workaholic. Sure, he doesn’t have a family just yet, but that doesn’t mean he should do this to himself. Obviously, it’s his world and his life and if he feels okay to keep doing things a certain way, that’s his business. I’m just saying that as fans, our investment in the boys doesn’t begin and end with consumption and creation. I’m interested (as I’m sure many, if not all of us) in his health and sanity. I can cite endless examples of great artists from the past few decades who burnt out hard and crashed because they didn’t want to “waste the moment” or tried to capitalize on their fame when it hit peak levels. I’m personally really proud of Matty for doing this past year clean / off the drugs, and in tip top physical health. What I wish for him, whether he chooses to pursue it or not, is that he would give himself time to be bored. Stop and learn how to deal with the quietness of mundane everyday life. Cuz, that can fuck a person up. Sometimes, when you’re so used to the lifestyle that the boys have lived for the last 10 years, just going home and being with the people that you love feels like torture. And people easily start self-destructive habits to cope with that. I want him to learn all that on his own terms, you know?

My sincerest wish for him is that he will continue the tremendous growth that he’s shown over the last few years. By leaning even harder into the healthy habits that he seems to have established for himself mentally and physically. Not backtrack and fall on the old nonsense. But in order to be able to do one or the other he needs to actually HAVE TIME. We all know this is a real issue for him. That’s what fuckin RoadKill is about. “When I think I won’t die from stopping.” “Not really how babies get made,” etc. it would genuinely be healthy for him to feel like he’s gonna die from stopping and then learn that he won’t actually die.

So that he can come back and be creating from a place of security and mortal dread. To pick up a guitar/ pen/ whatever he uses to write because he wants to and he has something to say, not cuz if he doesn’t, he might go insane.

This is true for all of the boys, Ross is the other ostensibly single one whose immediate private life might feel quiet too. (For all we know. Like he might be in a serious relationship that’s not our business.) really this is true for all 4 of them. And of all the people who have loved and supported them over the past 10 years. This isn’t easy on family and loved ones and their live musicians and crew either.

If they have to miss and album cycle or two, then so be it. Maybe we will get Matty’s solo record. Maybe we’ll get DLID, maybe that weird feature film that he’s been writing for as long as I can remember, maybe, maybe, maybe….. all that would be great but not necessary.

HAVING SAID ALL OF THATTTTT. Let’s not fuck around. For many of us, the 1975 has been the constant, comfort, strength, love, meaning etc. and it going away for however long that will be, is LEGITIMATELY A SAD THING. There is absolutely no reason to minimize or trivialize that pain. Or feel that you are selfish or don’t care about the boys, or any less of a fan, just because you find that having to imagine a future when SATVB isn’t on tomorrow or the day after, and we aren’t hyperfixating on or analyzing Matty’s cryptic speeches or thirsting after his torso extremely sad/ difficult/ bittersweet/ lonely/ scary. C’mon. Some people have been in this fandom since ST (not me), that’s their whole fuckin life, man!!!!! It IS sad. You SHOULD cry. ITS OKAY TO BE UPSET. and frankly anyone who makes people feel bad for that is a piece of shit.

Saying things like “oh they’ll be back.” “They’re not going anywhere.” “Matty will be chronically online” are all true BUT THEY DONT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THINGS ARE CHANGING. FOR GOOD. ITS OKAY TO FEEL HOWEVER YOU FEEL.

The boys are still around for the next few months. Let’s cherish them (and each other) while we still can. But imo this is not a silly subject and it’s okay to be upset.

Love y’all. The 1975 forever 🩷

[rontra]

this ask/reply is long so im just putting it together as a textpost help me shark if you're out there

Anonymous asked: hi ok im super super sorry if this is bothering you but ive been meaning to ask it for like 6 months or something . i was introduced to your work via skin game and my brain latched to it ever since i read it. me and some other friends really enjoyed the fic even if it was a short read and i was wondering if youre comfortable sharing chapter 2 either publicly or privately? again im ultra mega sorry if this comes off as creepy or weird or something ive been stressing over it for liek 3 days since i didnt want to bother you :(

either way, love your work so much. your fanart introduced me to both arknights and rwby (though a friend kind of pushed me to actually start watching it lol) and theyre both really great series :) your work is a huge inspiration for me and my friend group and your writing is just insane /pos

(3rd paragraph omitted bc i cant priv reply and im excluding your offsite info even if its under a readme HFDBHJF)

hi shark!! ofc i remember you we are like soldiers side by side in the trenches of takano posting 🫡

so first of all thank you so much for following and enjoying my work 🥰 i'm always happy to help drag people into the arknights/rwby zone HEHEHE i'm glad you enjoy what i make!!! it means a lot to me 😊 thank you!!!

now. THE THING ABOUT skin game ch2. is that it's pretty rough. i had a look at it the last time something prompted me to think about the fic and it's not really presentable (i don't know if i even finished editing it back in ….. 6 years ago… oh god). it also doesn't have all of its art (which might be a blessing in disguise given the art it does have is …. 6 years old… oh god)

getting it to a state i consider readable would take a good chunk of work, which is why i put it off again after looking at it. it's almost 12 thousand words of … uhhh… shall we say… unnnnpolished material. i think i couldn't even share it privately because i would be embarrassed to show someone something so unfinished and janky. not to mention not having all of its art finished. so i got kind of stuck last time and just put it off again bc the amount of work it very obviously needed was like. "Christ OK Not Now" yknow…

it does bolster the spirit when i remember you and your friends. it means a lot to me that you care about it even after so long!!! i just have NO idea when i'm going to get around to editing something of that magnitude @_@ i was really a dummy about chapter lengths back then… HFDBHJGJMK

it's really kind of a shame too becahse chapter 1 and 2 together are sort of the introductory portion for our 2 primary characters. so it feels like only half of the intro is done right now. since ch1 detailed how kyrie ended up at that plaza meeting takano, ch2 would detail how takano ended up there, meeting kyrie. and then we would proceed into the future from there. as a renowned Takano Guy, obviously i was very interested in this, but for various reasons i never finished polishing it and drawing the art…

ch2 also features ikuko so you KNOW its dear to me

overall being like 5-6 yrs old theres a disconnect where i don't feel like ch2 right now is achieving what it should, and i see a lot of concrete problems with concrete solutions, but it's an editing of such Magnitude that it keeps being pushed back in favor of other stuff. oh, ephemeral soul…

some of the art i did get done for it is pretty cute though, like these baby miyos;

so that's pretty good, but i didnt FINISH drawing the art, ARGHH

it is really hard to say. bc when i KNOW there's people out there who remember it and care about it, that does motivate me to return to it. but it has a lot of stuff that needs doing, and is a very old project, so it's unclear to me right now when it would receive the attention it desperately needs before it can be shown to other people... i super can't in clear conscience accept anything like payment/etc for that kind of vague half-promise either, although i appreciate the thought xD

i'm sorry it's such an inconclusive answer, but i am sort of an inconclusive guy when it comes to projects... i jump around a lot as i'm sure you've observed in your time following me 😭 it's important to me to have that freedom, but i do care about SG too, so we just sort of have to see if i can surmount the magnitude of the work i accidentally set up for myself half a decade ago (*turning into stone*)

but it makes me smile when i remember you're out there thinking about this weird little AU. so, thanks. 😌 a soul still burns...

.

and then after all that CH3 was going to have more of best girl 🥺.....

WARGH <- BEARER OF THE CURSE

[bar-les-coucougnes]

So how's figuring the game out coming along? Any progress on theories? And bonus, how do you think this will end?

well to start with, the more it goes on, the less i understand, so that's the gist of it 👍

jokes aside, spoilers ahead, probably (i'm half convinced i'm just making shit up so im not sure those spoilers are all accurate, lol):

so i know some of it was told and some of it is kind of implied so i'm just going to go through my understanding of the events:

kinzo was in love with a 1st beatrice, who killed herself. then he "made" (using a surrogate mother, maybe? or, idk, he does employ orphans so maybe he could take one from the orphanage and tell them they're beatrice now) another one, 2nd beatrice, who grew up sheltered and wearing "beatrice"'s clothes from the portrait, who rosa met and helped run away, and died on the cliff because well, those are not practical clothes.

it COULD be that the 1st and 2nd one are actually one and the same, and that along the way someone retelling the event (rosa in one case, and i think beato in the other?), was mistaken about some stuff, since you could imagine that the line between "fell of a cliff while running away" and "killed myself to escape that creep" is a bit blurry.

then there's a 3rd beatrice who should be the same age as battler, and who battler, in some way "commited a sin against". i'm going to assume the whole "you didn't have anything to do with beatrice" red truth is because this beatrice was not called beatrice back then. as for the age, since the last beatrice died 19yrs ago, there's no reason to believe kinzo would've "made" a new one until after the death so she might be under 19? if the "making" of beatrice consists of taking small orphans and brainwashing them, i guess he could do that to toddlers and still getting away with it but after 5 or 6 years old, that might be complicated.

going slightly off topic here but when it was explained that he raised beatrice since she was a child, as a father or grandfather, in the hopes that when she grows up, she returns his affections or something? i think that's called grooming

back to 3rd beato and battler, i'm going to guess that battler somehow encountered her when he was like 12, saw her looking all pitiful and stuff and was like "don't worry, just hang tight and i'll come back and save you!" and then promptly fucked off for the next 6 years (classic move). which would explain why she's really mad at him and why he's acting like that when he remembers (though, so far, he hasn't said anything about what he remembers). i'll admit this part is partially because i saw some posts about "something something white horse" (coming to save her on his white horse? they did mention he has some pretty cringy lines as a kid) which is why i can guess that's his promise and that they're about the same age.

as for why he forgot, trauma? plot-convenient amnesia? someone caught up on what he was doing (i can imagine beatrice was somewhere battler wasn't supposed to go) and gave him the beating of his life and he forgot everything in the aftermath? or remembered it as a dream and forgot? actually that does remind me beatrice mentions that after she appears to people, they tend to forget about meeting her (which is why she burned/marked kanon and was it shannon too? so that they could remember the next day that they really did meet her)

also i'm going to be honest, while scrolling past memes and posts about umineko, i did notice that people call beatrice sayo (and this is where it's going to be embarrassing if i'm mistaken and it's just a name that looks like "sayo" and i remembered wrong lol) which is, incidentally, what shannon says is her real name. honestly that doesn't help me much because i'm not sure how that would fit in, exactly. maybe shannon is the 3rd beatrice? maybe she's the 4th beatrice actually and the 3rd one died and that's the real reason why beatrice said nothing happened between battler and beatrice? my head hurts

baby off the cliff: honestly, considering how kinzo moaned about "beatrice! beatrice!" after the servant and baby were pushed off the cliff, i wonder if the baby was going to be beatrice and he was like "fuck, now i have to make a new one"? (maybe that was his way of having beatrice grow up as successor?) i mean yeah the story says the baby is now a "man" but i'm aware that there are trans characters so someone could assume the baby was a boy and then 19 years later, surprise! this is now a beatrice. then again, the opening sequence has a young man with red hair so maybe that guy is the baby from back then. or maybe the baby just died and lambda was fucking around.

rationalizing the witches and demons:

at least for renove and virgilia: one is basically genji (even says at one point that genji's basically his vessel) and the other kumasawa. you could think that, with a bit of imagination, they could turn into "one hell of a butler" demon and "fairy godmother", basically. gaap is how you rationalize misplacing your stuff all the time (hello shannon).

probably missing a lot of stuff but i'd be here until 4am

oh yeah, how do i think it will end? everybody dies and the ghosts move on. i kind of want a happy ending but i'm not sure that's realistic. so i'd rather expect a sad ending and be pleasantly surprised if it's a happy ending :)