#i did consider just........ deleting these <3 i still might
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lerclan · 6 months ago
Text
orange | lando norris
type: smau + written
pairing(s): influencer!reader x lando norris
summary: you wanted to share your love for orange but it ends up with you and an f1 driver having dating rumors which slowly develops and turns out to be true at the end.
warning(s): slightly suggestive at the end
fc: random girlies off of pinterest!
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ynnn
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Liked by amayamoore, lilymhe, and 376,193 others
ynnn in love with orange atm 🧡🐚🪸
tagged: amayamoore
View all 73,618 comments
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amayamoore LOVE YOU BABESSS 🫶
ynnn LOVE U 2 MAMI😻😻😻
user1 okay girlll we see you with f1
ynnn chat i have no idea what that is
user1 WHAT?? HOW??? ITS LITERALLY ONE OF YOUR PHOTOS AND YOUR FRIENDS W LILY MHE?? 😭😭
ynnn I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD FIT THE AESTHETIC AND AMAYA WAS THE ONE THAT INTRODUCED ME TO LILY. ALL WE EVER TALKED ABOUT WAS GOLF 😔
user1 ohhh 😭😭😭 okay girl eat it up 🙏🙏 ❤️ by author
user2 soft launch??
user3 IN LOVE W ORANGE THE COLOR OR IS THIS A CODE NAME FOR THE DRIVER?
user4 PLSSS WHAT IF ITS A SOFT LAUNCH??
user5 considering that y/n doesnt know what f1 is im not really sure abt this one
user3 what if its like a cover up or something
user4 YEAH FR WHAT IF SHES J PLAYING W US
ynnn 😈😈😈 *author deleted a comment*
user4 OH
user6 OMG NO WAY 😭😭
user3 WE SAW THAT
lilymhe okay come hangout with me when?
amayamoore in 3 days trust.
ynnn girl...where are we going...
amayamoore you wont like it but me and lily will
lilymhe OMG NO WAY?? FR??
amayamoore YESSSS
ynnn chat im lost
user7 okay shes in her wag era ❤️ by author
user7 OOP.
user8 NOT THE SOFT LAUNCH PLSSS
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landonorris
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Liked by mclaren, carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, and 721,917 others
landonorris im orange 😭🧡
View all 112,172 comments
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carlossainz55 i told you to not do it but you still did it anyways mate
landonorris TO BE FAIR I THOUGHT IT WOULD WORK BETTER SINCE IM ALREADY TAN
carlossainz55 yeah now look at you. you look like an actual papaya. shouldve left that fake tan alone.
charles_leclerc no wonder you looked like that. 😂😂😂
mclaren someones a true dedicated papaya 👀🧡 ❤️ by author
oscarpiastri mate you look like the lorax 😭
landonorris thanks osc...really needed that
user1 LMFAOAOAO IM CRYINGGG
user3 guys aint no way...IS THIS ACTUALLY REAL?? OR LIKE AM I OVERTHINKING 😭😭🙏
user4 NO GIRL I GET IT...IT ACTUALLY MATCHES UP 😭😭😭
user6 WE ALL SAW WHAT Y/N REPLIED WITH 💀
user3 IKR LIKE HER CAPTIONING "in love with orange atm" AND NOW LANDOS CAPTION "im orange" LIKE????
user4 YOU MIGHT BE ONTO SOMETHING FR
user9 you guys are so delusional 💀 landos talking about him putting on fake tan and it made him orange 💀💀
user3 let us be delusional please 😔
user10 lando has rizz?
user11 y/n and lando lowkey have matching captions
user12 who is y/n?
user11 shes an influencer. shes friends with lily mhe 😄 heres her account @/ynnn
user12 OMG THEY FR DO LOWKEY HAVE MATCHING CAPTIONS...
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f1wagnews
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Liked by user3, user4, and 127,232 others
f1wagnews potential f1 wag in the process? or is it all just a mishap?
View all 12,232 comments
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user3 IM CALLING IT I SWEAR. ❤️ by author
user3 THEY WOULD BE SO CUTE THO... ❤️ by author
user4 FR???
user10 i agree w you guys fully.
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ynnn
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Liked by scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, and 628,162 others
ynnn no cuz im being fr she actually just kidnapped me and forced me to put on the outfit 😟
tagged: amayamoore
View all 92,717 comments
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scuderiaferrari please kidnap her more. the garage enjoyed her rant about despicable me 😂❤️
redbullracing were gonna have to bribe her friend to bring her here...that sounds interesting 🧐
mclaren too late we already sent them invites.
scuderiaferrari telling our drivers to crash into you.
ynnn ladies, ladies...relax ive got enough of me to have around 😏
amayamoore get out y/n 😭😭😭
mclaren we dont like to share.
user11 ik y/n got lost about 50 times im calling it
amayamoore more than that im afraid 😔
ynnn SHUT UP.
user11 LMFAOO
user3 oh so theyre on the low low i see
user4 PLSS YOU ARE NOT GIVING UP 😭😭
user3 THEYD BE CUTE TOGETHER LET ME BE DELUSIONAL 😭😭😭
user7 NAH FR THOO
charles_leclerc soo...how long are you staying for?
carlossainz55 you did not.
charles_leclerc 😇😇😇
georgerussell63 shes WAY out of your league leclerc. anyways how long though? 😉
alex_albon lily told me to tell you guys to stay away from her. she got suspended for 3 hours from commenting bad stuff about you guys.
amayamoore lily also told me to tell you guys to get out of y/ns comment section
ynnn LMFAOO LILY NAURRRR 😭😭😭
charles_leclerc never answered our question...
ynnn a while leclerc.
maxverstappen1 did anyone else hear a yell from mclarens garage or was it just me?
mclaren 🤫🤫🤫
user12 NOT A MCLAREN DRIVER GETTING EXPOSED BY MAX 😭😭
user3 I WONDER WHICH ONE 💀
user13 PIASTRI MAYBE??
user14 NOOO IT DEF HAS TO BE LANDO
user5 watch it be an engineer
oscarpiastri it was nice talking to you, ill show you around yeah?
ynnn YES PLSSS 😊😊
landonorris wow ok
charles_leclerc i know right. FROM MY OWN SON.
ynnn ???
oscarpiastri theyre being dramatic. dont mind them 🙄
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oscarpiastri posted on their story !
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👁️ 782,173
landonorris replied to oscarpiastris story
landonorris OSCAR.
oscarpiastri LANDO.
landonorris THIS IS TRULY OPP BEHAVIOUR.
oscarpiastri what do you mean lando?
landonorris I CANT BELIEVE YOU DIDNT INVITE ME...
landonorris I LITERALLY COULDVE HAD A CONVO WITH HER OSC.
oscarpiastri lando you had 6 chances and you ran away every time...
landonorris anyways...next time..for sure....
oscarpiastri okay lando we will see...
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oscarpiastri
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Liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, ynnn, and 812,173 others
oscarpiastri am i the best guide ever or what? 😄
tagged: ynnn
View all 161,172 comments
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ynnn YOU ARE NOT. ❤ by author
ynnn YOU PUSHED ME TO THE BUSHES
oscarpiastri THAT WAS BY ACCIDENT. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A LIGHT SHOVE SINCE THERE WAS SOMEBODY RUNNING YOUR WAY 😔
ynnn UH HUH WTV EXCUSES EXCUSES. 😒
landonorris yeah dont listen to him he told me he did it on purpose
oscarpiastri I DID NOT 😟
ynnn WOWWWW. WOWWWWWWWWW.
user3 k chat...maybe her and lando arent dating...maybe its her and piastri...
user4 HAVE FAITH STAND YOUR GROUND 😭😭
user3 I WILL. THANK YOU 🫡
user14 yn and the mclaren drivers. never knew i needed them till now 😩
user15 NAH CUZ FR?? THE CHEM.
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ynnn
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Liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, amayamoore, and 826,173 others
ynnn you can tell who kidnapped me this time. (also peep oscars stance 😭)
tagged: amayamoore, oscarpiastri, landonorris
View all 127,718 comments
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user3 CHAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL 😨😨😨
user4 LMFAOO 😭😭😭
user3 LANDO IN THE LIKES??
user4 this is fr your moment girl 🙈🙈🙈
user14 OSCAR PLSSS LMFAOO ALSO LANDO AT THE LAST PHOTO 😭😭
mclaren will tell oscar to kidnap you again.
oscarpiastri already on it 🫡
scuderiaferrari we had her first :(
landonorris she looks way better in orange.
charles_leclerc nuh uh shes way better in red.
ynnn awhh guys fr theres enough of me around 🤭
amayamoore LMFAO I CANNOT W YOU 😭
oscarpiastri WHEN DID YOU TAKE THAT PHOTO
ynnn lets just say im in the shadows...
landonorris dont question her any further.
oscarpiastri what is going on 😞
landonorris I SAID DONT QUESTION HER.
ynnn thank you norris
landonorris anytime for you l/n 🫶
ynnn such a gentleman 🙈🫶
user3 GET IUT IF HERE IM GONNA PASS IUT
amayamoore they fr took my girl. 🙁
ynnn girl...YOU LEFT ME WITH THEM.
amayamoore OOPSIES. 🙈
lilymhe shes doing that thing again y/n
ynnn SHES DOING THE THING THING???? TO WHICH ONE!?!3$/&
lilymhe even i dont know 😟
ynnn 😨😨😨😨😨😨😨
amayamoore 😈😈😈😈
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ynn
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Liked by landonorris, osarpiastri, and 1,231,642 others
ynnn i like this guide way better. he doesnt push me into bushes. 🤍
tagged: landonorris
View all 233,123 comments
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landonorris id never push a pretty lady like you into bushes. ❤️
ynnn so basically what youre saying is that if i was ugly you would?
landonorris that sounds impossible coming from you l/n.
ynnn why thank you norris 😊
lilymhe BOTH OF YOU GET UP RN.
lilymhe @/ynnn PLEASE STAND ON BUSINESS Y/N DONT PLAY W ME RN.
amayamoore LET HER SIT LILY 🤭🤭🤭
mclaren whatever amaya said. ❤️ by author
user3 I AM PEEING MYSELF RN.
user3 GUYS ITS HAPPENING...ITS HAPPENING DONT PANIC
user4 THIS IS SO YOUR MOMENT OMG IM ACTUALLY SO HAPPY FOR YOU
user3 MAYBE I WONT GET SENT TO AN ASYLUM
mclaren stop stealing our drivers 🙁
ynnn ill try my best 🫡
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landonorris
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Liked by ynnn, amayamoore, lilymhe, carlossainz55, and 1,854,321 others
landonorris shes my bestfriend now.
tagged: ynnn
View all 321,283 comments
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amayamoore NUH UH.
lilymhe lando norris bites the curb in 4k ultra hd.
landonorris ALEX. SHES DOING IT AGAIN 😟
alex_albon i cant even help you w this one...im scared of her...
lilymhe stay quiet alex.
alex_albon 🤐🤐🤐
amayamoore she maybe your best friend but shes not yours.
landonorris she said i was 🙄
ynnn ONE of my bestfriends
landonorris now were lying now huh 😒
ynnn excuse me norris. i will make sure lilys statement becomes true
landonorris im sorry my lady 😞❤️
ynnn good. ❤️
charles_leclerc guys go to your dms before i cry.
georgerussell63 fr im gonna start bawling. we lost a baddie 😔
ynnn what are you guys even talking about...
oscarpiastri dont even worry about them
carlossainz55 i agree with oscar
mclaren shocker...coming from carlos
scuderiaferrari what a moment
user4 @/user3 are you alive?
user3 i think i fr passed out when i swiped and saw her.
user12 GIRL DONT WORRY I PASSED OUT W YOU I THINK ALMOST BROKE MY NECK 😭😭
user3 i have a feeling chat. ❤️ by oscarpiastri, amayamoore, carlossainz55
user4 your feeling may come true soon.
user3 OSCAR, AMAYA, AND CARLOS J LIKED MY COMMENT SOMETHING IS BREWING.
user12 OMGOMGOMGOGMGOGMORBWHQ
user16 why is lando so fine?
user17 not lando being her personal photographer shes such a devourer for that 🙈
user18 both of them are so fine 😫😫😫
---
you were sitting on a swing on the beach waiting for lando to come back. it had been a few months since you and him started hanging out and became friends.
it wasnt surprising when you, along the way of you guys becoming close, started catching feelings for him. you were captivated by his charms, his beautiful and flirtatious personality, and those eyes that hold a million stars.
"y/n?" you hear a voice call out from behind you.
"yes, lan?" you respond back using his nickname.
"i got us some juice. they said these two were the top sellers." he hands you one as he sits down.
"oooo these look good. what flavour is this one?" you ask him waiting to take a sip.
"i think that ones called 'golden sun', it has pineapple, orange, and mango im pretty sure." he answers.
you take a sip from your juice and you were met with a wonderful taste. sweet and sour, but savory as well.
"is it good?" he asks as you eagerly nod your head.
"of course!! you can never go wrong with mango." you answer taking another sip from your juice, "whats yours called?"
"mines called 'starfish dreams', i think it has strawberry, kiwi, peach, and pineapple. not quite sure, but its good. sweet with a hint of sourness." he answers, "wanna try mine?"
"yes!! that sounds equally as good! you can try mine as well." he was ready to give you his cup and you suddenly had an idea.
you grabbed his and gave him yours and then you grabbed his arm making him give you a confused look until he realized what you were doing.
"ohhhh..." he sighs in relief, "i thought i did something wrong for a second."
you laugh out loud at the thought of him being concerned for a second.
"no, no, i just need a nice pic for the gram since you took all of the ones i was gonna post." you give him a side eye as you take out your phone for a picture.
"you snooze you lose." he sticks his tongue out at you, to which you do back.
after you snapped a couple photos, you guys go back to having a conversation about how pretty the view was at night.
"it was really nice of you to invite me here." you say to him as he looks at you.
"im glad i grew the balls to ask you to hangout with me when nobody was willing to," he chuckles, "i wouldve been alone today."
"oh so basically what youre saying is that i was the last option?" you joke around waiting for his response.
"no, no, no...not like that. more like you were the scariest option on the list." he says as you give him a look.
"how? im not that scary looking...right?" you ask him as he violently shakes his head.
"obviously not...i meant–ughhh...what i meant was you were only the scariest option on the list because i was afraid youd reject me." he spews out.
"reject you? why would you think that?" you give him a more confused look.
"because compared to me, i am definitely way out of your league," you look at him in the eyes as he looks away, "youre just too beautiful, refreshing, fun to be around, and youre just so charming. after our first lunch together, i kept thinking about you and how it was impossible to love somebody at first sight, but it was definitely possible and im the living proof of it."
"is this you confessing your love for me, norris?" you ask him as he finally looks into your eyes.
"yeah...i guess it is." he looks at your face for any sort of reaction, but all you did was look into his eyes which made him nervous.
all the nervousness he had were washed away from his body in seconds after you leaned in and gave him a kiss, to which he reciprocated.
"i feel the exact same way, lan." you give him a smile as you give him another kiss.
both of you guys spent your night at the swing looking at the stars, talking about random things that you both were interested in, and getting in the water for a little swim; soaking in each others love for one another.
---
ynnn
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Liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, lilymhe, charles_leclerc, and 923,213 others
ynnn the beach at night>>>
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amayamoore idk how you guys can get into the water at night. it gives me the creeps...😟
ynnn its j so relaxingggg maya 🙁
amayamoore THE SHARKS.
lilymhe REAL.
landonorris beach at nights>>>
ynnn YHHH>>>
user19 who is the dude?
user3 according to my calculations, lando norris. 🤓☝️
user4 😭😭😭
user20 the view!???!? 🙈🙈
ynnn had the best view ever 🤫
landonorris i had an even better view.
charles_leclerc if you ever need another tour guide im still an option 😊
scuderiaferrari even im starting to feel bad...
carlossainz55 me and you both.
georgerussell63 me too!! im still an option! 😚
mercedesamgf1 george...
user21 IM CRYING 😭😭
user1 they are not giving up 😭
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ynnn posted on their story !
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👁️ 934,283
amayamoore replied to ynnns story
amayamoore OMG YOU FINALLY BOUGHT A CAR??
ynnn YESSSS
amayamoore so im guessing lando helped you w that huh? 😉
ynnn ....
amayamoore HAHDHAHAH GIRL CANNOT LIE TO SAVE HER LIFE 😭😭
ynnn NAW CUZ HOWD YK THO...
amayamoore girl be fr...it was either oscar or him. last time i checked you were w lando 🙄
ynnn anyways...🤐
amayamoore yeah exactly. also check the gc xoxo
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f1wagnews
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Liked by user21, user3, user4, and 102,232 others
f1wagnews alert: lando norris sighted snuggling and kissing with an unknown girl!
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user3 oh thats not...!!
user4 I GENUINELY CANT TELL IF THATS Y/N OR NOT...
user3 ME NEITHER 😭😭
user9 it is definitely not y/n guys 💀
user5 fr everyones being so delusional
user9 that is not y/n for everyone being delusional out there 🤣
user3 IT HAS TO BE
---
you and lando laugh together as you both read the comments of the new post created by f1wagnews.
"i would soft launch but it would be a little suspicious and obvious..." you say to him as he laughs.
"i told you hard launching would be the only way. considering the fact we already had a rumor around us." he tells you as you give him a look.
"i guess so. also im only hard launching to prove user9 and user5 wrong. trying to make user3s and user4s day since theyve been rooting for us." you say as he laughs, "you gotta do it with me tho, i have a plan."
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ynnn
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Liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, mclaren, amayamoore, and 2,939,234 others
ynnn i only ride mclarens.
tagged: landonorris
View all 341,234 comments
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landonorris so funny how im actually named mclarens 😘
ynnn you are so getting it tonight.
lilymhe Y/N.
amayamoore IM CRYING WHY IS SHE SO UNHINGED LILY 😭😭😭
lilymhe BECAUS EOF YOU
mclaren we didnt even read this.
mclaren CONGRATS!! 🍾 ❤️🧡 (were just gonna ignore the caption!)
ynnn thank you sm 😝 (enjoy it)
carlossainz55 HE DID IT???
landonorris and did.
ynnn bro confessed without knowing he confessed...
landonorris SSHHHHH
oscarpiastri HE FINALLY DEFEATED THE LANDO NO-RIZZ ALLEGATIONS‼️‼️
landonorris excuse me.
ynnn YHHH HE DEFEATED IT FINALLY!!!
landonorris EXCUSE ME.
user3 I FRICKING CALLED IT. YOU GUYS I CALLED IT!!! IM NOT CRAZY.
user3 @/user4 WHERE ARE YOU...WE DID IT!!!
user4 WOOOOHOOOO FINALLLYYYYYYJAHWH
ynnn you guys are the og believers.
landonorris y/n only hard launched because of you guys fyi
user3 OMGOMGOSN IM GONNA PASS OUT.
user4 THEY KNOW WE EXIST @/user3
charles_leclerc so im guessing you dont need another tour guide 😕
ynnn sorry charles...ive already got the best tour guide around ❤️
landonorris my loveee ❤️❤️❤️
maxverstappen1 do you guys hear sobbing from ferraris garage and mercedes?
scuderiaferrari yeah...dont worry about it.
mercedesamgf1 the weather is nice today...
amayamoore that caption is insane.
lilymhe WHAT IM SAYING BRO.
ynnn 🙄🙄🙄
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landonorris
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Liked by ynnn, carlossainz55, mclaren, lilymhe, amayamoore and 3,343,964 others
landonorris hi, im mclarens.
tagged: ynnn
View all 394,934 comments
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ynnn hi mclarens!!! 🙈🙈🙈
landonorris hey there beautiful lady 😍
georgerussell63 theyre so cute im gonna vomit.
mclaren beat the no-rizz and no-wins allegations!!! thats our driver!! 🧡 (still gonna ignore the caption)
landonorris it was y/ns idea believe it or not.
ynnn SHUT UP.
oscarpiastri i just put two and two together with their captions. i wanna bleach my eyes now.
carlossainz55 i just told my teammate to look at their captions and he started sobbing more. 😂😂😂
lewishamilton i dont think my teammate figured it out yet 😅
lewishamilton nvm 😭😭
maxverstappen1 yeah we can hear them all sobbing...
maxverstappen1 congrats mate!! you finally have balls now!!
landonorris last time i checked ive had balls my entire life.
maxverstappen1 idk about that mate
landonorris ask my mother or y/n
ynnn idrk lando...ive only known of their existence since last week...
charles_leclerc KEEP IT IN THE DMS. IVE GOT NO TEARS LEFT TO CRY 😭
ynnn okay ariana grande 😭😭
amayamoore KEEP THAT INFORMATION TO YOURSELVES.
lilymhe we did not wanna hear about what you two did last week.
user3 THE MATCHING CAPTIONS AGAIN 😭😭
user4 theyre so iconic for that tbh. the first time they were put in an article together it was because of their captions being accidentally matching and now its actually real. 😭
user3 genuinely brings tears to my eyes.
user22 theyre so cuteee 🤍🤍
charles_leclerc i think im done crying.
ynnn ill buy you some lec ice cream to make you feel better. 🫶
charles_leclerc thank you 🥹🫶
landonorris and what if i tell you ill eat all of it before it gets to you.
charles_leclerc that might be my 13th reason.
ynnn 😭😭
scuderiaferrari please give our driver a break.
---
authors note(s): this is my first smau so i hope it isnt booty cheeks. i literally started tweaking after trying to do the instagram post layout properly 😭😭
hope you guys enjoyed this and maybe ill make more in the future xoxo
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weltraum-vaquero · 21 days ago
Text
Swan song
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Professor Viktor x TA Reader
[PART 1]。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆[PART 2] ⋆。゚☁︎。⋆[PART 3]
⋆。゚☁︎。⋆[AO3 link] ⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。
Summary: You’re a bright phD student who won’t shy away from a challenge. Getting the most notorious professor at the University of Piltover to hire you as his assistant is one of them.
Tags: Modern AU, SFW (for now…), DILF professor Viktor, romanticizing and eroticizing borsht, lab shenanigans, reader being filled with equal parts shame and lust
Word count: 7.8k
Notice: This fic is written with a transmasculine reader in mind, but that won’t come into play at all until the final third chapter of this mini-series.
Notes: A little something something while we await season two ;] The draft for this post deleted itself twice now. If the formatting looks wonky (especially in the texting section), NO, it doesn't. Shut up.
He didn’t lie. 
Which is all the more shocking, considering you attend his 8AM lecture on the very same day, and he seems more bright and alight than you’ve ever seen him.
When did he find the time?
Though there isn’t a daunting amount to your thesis just yet, you still want to believe you’ve written something quite substantial over the past months. 
You toss one glance around yourself before you follow him into his office after his lecture, and you find the stack of papers you’d left on his desk last night looking positively devoured, in the most… academic way possible. Scribbles and notes litter the margins, the edges of the papers are already somehow lightly worn. 
He must have read it multiple times.
“Coffee?” He offers.
“Yes, please.”
As he gropes the machine in search of its switch again, he cocks his brow at you. “And what was that for?”
You frown. “What was what for?”
“That… glance, before you followed me into my office.” The switch clicks, the light comes on. “Looking around like you were being followed.”
“Oh,” caught in the embarrassing act, you shrug. “I don’t know. Being cautious, I guess. Students have been looking at me a little funny, lately.”
“Much too late for caution, I’m afraid.” 
Uh oh. 
As he retrieves two paper cups, you’re left wondering what exactly that should mean.
“Why’s that?”
“I thought you were well aware of the fact that rumors would start, um… circulating the moment I made it public that I had hired an assistant.” Coffee trickles into the cups, a soothing little melody. Viktor leans against the wall beside the machine as he watches the cups fill.  “I’ve always been adamant about not needing one. It is natural for people to have questions — and to come up with, eh, answers — when I suddenly do.”
The notion of the answers students might have come up with swirls around in your brain. 
You wish they were right.
You’re glad they’re not.
You look at Viktor.
“Do you mind it?”
The coffee stops pouring. Viktor does that thing again, spreading long fingers apart to grasp both cups. And he’s quiet — for a beat longer than he should be.
“No. There are more important things to worry about than… gossip.” He sets the cups on the table, then takes his seat. He hesitates for a brief second, craning his neck before he fixates on you, motionless. Waiting. “Do you?”
“Trying not to.”
The answer makes him… deflate, somehow. It’s barely visible, for just a fraction of a second his chest sinks, before his tone is back to his composed cadence.
“You will get used to it,” he assures. “Now, onto more interesting matters — your work.”
Thank god. You don’t know how much more of the awkward tiptoeing you could have handled.
“Yes.” Your heart leaps into your throat. Acting normal has never been so difficult. “What did you think?”
“Very impressive.” He slides the stack of papers towards you. “I have made some… suggestions here and there, should you wish to take them into consideration. But, I think you struck gold with your hypothesis. Should you need a conversation partner, guidance, anything at all — I would gladly be at your service.”
“Thank you, Viktor. I really appreciate this.”
At the sound of his own name coming from you, something in him shifts. Shifts with an unfamiliar near bashfulness, he stifles a little smile into the rim of his paper cup, the corners of his eyes crinkle, he settles into his seat a little further.
“But you never held up your end of the bargain,” you point out. That snaps him out of it.
“Ah, yes. I did not.” He continues to hide behind his cup, before he finally seems to decide to take a metaphorical leap, as he sets it down and stares down at it. “I fear the unfortunate truth may be that when it comes to research, I either work better with a partner, or that… Cecil is right and I need to slow down. Though I’d guess the former is more likely.”
“You used to work with, uh…” you’re not sure how to approach the topic, “Talis, didn’t you?”
“The five basic principles of applied arcanism are commonly referred to as Talis’ princies, you do not have to feign uncertainty to appease me.”
So you drop the attempt to tiptoe around the subject, and ask, plainly:
“Why wasn’t your name added on?”
Viktor scoffs. “Talis-Sidorov-Sviboda has a terrible ring to it. Or so he’d said. And admittedly… I was more of a conduit than the co-author of his idea. He said we would name the next big thing we would discover after me, but… well, you know how it is. I dedicated myself to teaching, he retired to lead a quiet life in his gaudy mansion with his sports cars and his purebred German shepherds after he married some businesswoman.”
Though his story does line up, those aren’t necessarily the rumors you’d heard. There’d been talk of more than just a mild dispute of names, and… well, there had been… something between Talis and Viktor. But that’s about all you know.
Under your gaze, Viktor grows suddenly uncomfortable — both with the subject and the fact that he might be able to tell you know more. He’s quick to redirect the conversation.
“As for my research: I have been studying the laminal hexoin cascade in stabilized hexgems in various matrices. And though bold, I have been attempting to figure out the ideal matrix — something that will allow for close to a hundred percent energy renewal and render all other sources of energy obsolete.”
”That is bold,” you say. Your other thought, you keep to yourself: it also sounds impossible. You suppose stabilizing hexgems 20 years ago was also something thought impossible — and yet, Viktor hadn’t shied away. If anyone is apt for the job, it is him. “Any luck so far?”
“Partially. They have been yielding favorable results, but not enough to be viable energetic alternatives as of now.” He takes his cup again, bringing it to his lips in a rushed movement, drinking a mouthful, rather than a sip. Once Viktor sets it down, his hand remains on the table, fingers tapping on the shiny surface once, twice— “I could use a theorist to assist me with a few things.”
The implication dizzies you. Is he…?
But then he slides another one of his drawers open, and retrieves a stack of papers. Slanted handwriting, barely legible — you’re by now intimately familiar with it: his cursive. It litters the pages, in different inks and in pencil, diagrams, sketches… just looking at it makes you hungry to read it.
He smiles as if he’s read your mind, again.
“I was thinking it could be you.”
You’re invited to his office for lunch break the very next day too. And though he assures you there is no pressure in having to read through his notes by then, you disregard it.
It takes you a reread to be able to make sense of all his scribbles, but… it’s brilliant. He’s brilliant. 
It should stop surprising you by now — his ideas, his drive, his curiosity, his mind — but with every single time Vikror impresses you anew, he becomes something more distant.
As you’re marveling at his intricate weaving of concepts, it strikes you, unpleasantly, that this is the same man you’d wanted to devour just days ago. The man who’s made you coffee, the man whose sharp eyes fold at the corners when he smiles. 
You’d have deified him, had he been your teacher. You still do, especially now, after you’ve seen more of what his mind is made of. The mere notion of him becomes terribly out of reach, and you’re plagued with guilt for that night. Guilt for having tainted such a man with your thoughts. 
And yet, you still can’t help but think of his neck, the soft pink of his chapped lips, the hollow of his cheeks. You wonder what his mouth tastes like, and you want to slap yourself on the wrist for it. You should have, because minutes later, you wonder about worse things too. The scent of his skin, the coarseness of his body hair, how far up under his navel it might reach.
And when you finish reading his notes a second time and bring the paper to your nose to sniff it — hoping for a trace of him — you realize you have a problem. A serious one.
It torments you for the rest of the night, through the hours you spend writing up some suggestions and ideas, all the way to when you switch off the light, and hug whatever pillow’s within reach close.
When you get the urge to tilt your hips against it, you decide to get up and splash your face with water.
And you wish you could do the same thing the very next day on your lunch break, when you’re standing in the doorway of his office and he’s eating borscht. The sweet-tangy smell of vegetables, beef and beets makes your stomach growl, but your physical hunger is long lost on your otherwise preoccupied brain.
The beet red of the soup has pigmented his lips. They look kissed raw, puffy, ripe. A lavish speck of colour on his otherwise pale face, it draws your gaze and does not let it stay somewhere more respectful.
You want to taste them.
He does it for you, raspberry pink tip of his tongue darting over the plush of his lips before he swallows and finally greets you.
“Sorry,” you say, and it comes out tense, near horrified. You’ve caught him eating soup, for chrissakes, not being bent over his table. Oh, god. Why did you have to think about that? ”I’ll come back later.”
“No,” Viktor gestures to the empty seat across from him. He screws his thermos shut, and puts it away. “Please, I’ve been waiting for you. Sit.”
And you do, like the dog you feel like you are right now.
“Did you manage to find the time to read my notes?”
Oh, did you.
“I… followed your example and made some suggestions of my own. But on separate pages. Here.”
His reaction is more than what you’d hoped for. It’s more than the impressed raise of thick brows that had kept you fueled last night, it’s more than the smile you’d been hoping for. 
“You are unbelievable,” he grins, and takes what you offer, pushing his glasses up his nose before he starts reading. You selfishly use the distraction to stare at his lips again. He mutters to himself as he reads, pink mouth molding around whispered jargon, nodding. “Yes, this… this is exactly what I’d hoped for, when I’d asked for your assistance. Your fresh set of eyes is invaluable. I hadn’t thought of approaching the modification from that angle.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
He doesn’t take his eyes off the page for even just a moment, flipping it surprisingly fast, and taking it with him as he leans back in his seat. 
And decides to torture you.
Viktor traces the pad of his own thumb over the curve of his bottom lip as he takes in your handwriting. The give of the flesh under his fingertip hypnotizes, the slight drag of rough skin on soft pink one, your mind is long gone.
You think of rough fingertips on his lips, on his chest, rough fingertips on the pasty white of his gaunt lower stomach, rough fingertips in coarse hair. Rough fingertips dipping between his milky thighs, rough fingertips on where he runs just as pink as he does on his lips, rough fingertips dipping, slipping on slick skin—
You need to stop.
And you most certainly need help.
“Is something the matter?”
It feels like you’ve swallowed your own brain whole when he speaks, because your skull rings hollow when you try to come up with a reply that isn’t incoherent babble.
“Wh— me? No. Why?”
And because embarrassment loves to stick around once it has made its presence known, the stars align for the next social disaster: your stomach growls. Loudly.
“Did you not have lunch?” Viktor asks.
“I… didn’t get around to it,” you admit.
“I won’t take up too much of your time, then,” he assures. If he knew just how much of your time he’s started taking up — and the fact that you wish you could give him what is left of it to him, too.  “I would like you to work alongside me on my research. But if you don’t feel like you can squeeze another project into your presumably busy schedule, I understand. I would be glad to have you merely as… a colleague to consult with, as well.”
Is that even a question? He’s offering you the opportunity of a lifetime. You would be an idiot not take it. 
And an even bigger idiot to turn down more time spent with him.
“You don’t even have to ask,” you joke. “Yes. I would be thrilled, Viktor.”
This is his first smile you witness when his pretty boyishness doesn’t shine through. It’s a gentle quirk of his lips, no teeth to be seen, just tenderness. It makes your heart leap to be the cause of it.
“Thank you,” he says.
“Thank you.”
Silence.
Just as you’re about to breach it — he does it first.
“Would you be free for lunch tomorrow as well?”
He watches you from below long, dark lashes as you give a breathless yes.
“I brought you something.”
It’s the last thing you expect as you step into his office at noon, upon exchanging hellos.
You’re alight. With curiosity, above all else. And with worry — why would he bring you something? What will you do to reciprocate? 
“Thank you,” you say, though you have no idea what for just yet. “What is it?”
“I saw you eyeing my borscht yesterday.” There’s a glint in his eye that suggests more, so much so you can’t decide between flirting or digging a hole for yourself in the hardwood floor of his office. 
The middle ground is standing in his office awkwardly as he unzips his backpack.
He retrieves two thermos bottles: the one you’re already familiar with, and another that looks older, more worn, and sorely lacks the sticker you’ve so come to love and fixate on and dream about. “I, eh, I made you some. In case you wouldn’t get the chance to eat before you came here.”
Your chest swells so much it hurts. 
He made you soup?
“You… Viktor, this is… thank you. You shouldn’t have.”
“I wanted to. Have a seat.”
You practically jump into the seat across the table from his — a seat you’ve come to associate as yours, in spite of being well aware of the oppisite.
As he screws the bottle open and pours some steaming soup out into a paper bowl — god, he’d brought paper bowls — his eyes flick to you.
“But if you don’t care for borscht, you don’t have to—“
“I do care.”
And that rings true not just for the borscht.
It rings true for the soup he brings you the next day too, it rings true for every word that passes his lips. And it rings true for the time you start to spend in the insane coffee shop queue to surprise him with his preferred order and a slice of cake (a different one each day, until you figure out his favorite: cinnamon coffee), it rings true for the dark blue roughed up thermos he lets you take home the day you don’t finish the soup he brings you because you’re just so busy talking.
It’s November before you know it.
As the days grow colder, it’s not rare to be finding warmth by lavishing in Viktor’s attention as you ramble on about ideas — either for his research, or your thesis. All while he intently follows your thoughts with a smile, stopping just to shave another mouth-half-full’s worth off his cake of the day with his plastic spoon.
And once he savors the last bite, Viktor almost always flips it hollow side down, sliding it down the swell of his tongue within his mouth, removing it from between puckered lips. His cheeks hollow, he holds eye contact all the same, and it’s a mental image that haunts you. A mental image you project in your mind, nestled between the apex of your thighs. The thick of his tongue. The cushiony seal of his lips, the suction of his cheeks. 
It never becomes any less distracting than the first time it happens. 
You startle when Viktor speaks as he sets down the plastic spoon into the now empty packaging. 
“I would like you to accompany me to the lab sometime soon. When would you be free?”
You’ve been before — but just a handful of times. Mainly for him to demonstrate or disprove certain guesses, or test conclusions you’d reached together. 
“I’m free right now,” you suggest.
Viktor shakes his head. “I have a lecture in an hour.”
Right. 
“I mean… I think we could make it in an hour.”
“I prefer to take my time.” Viktor leans back in his seat, stares thoughtfully at the clock on his wall for a moment. “Would seven PM work for you?”
“Uh…” you mentally go through your schedule for the day, “yes. It should. I might be a little late, though. How about… seven fifteen-ish?”
“Good.” The flow of the word is syrupy, yet his next sentence comes out surprisingly peppy with excitement: “See you then.”
Though you’re well into the final week of November, it never stops bothering you just how quickly the sun sets. By the time you get to the lab, the air’s gone cold, dry, and the darkness is heavy and thick.
Viktor waits for you just outside the university lab, under the halo of the street light — perhaps just a hint overdressed for the cold, in your opinion. It’s certainly trench coat season, though his is surprisingly long, reaching somewhere along the middle of his shins. The hand he hasn’t tucked in his pocket holds his cane and is clad in a leather glove. Around his lengthy neck, a red knitted scarf lays in chunky, impenetrable layers, reaching almost all the way to the swell of his top lip and his ears. You can hardly see his smile from underneath when he spots you — but his eyes give him away. 
“Right on time,” Viktor’s tone has just as much pep to it as a few hours ago, perhaps even moreso. He rolls his shoulders, before he subtly nuzzles further down into his scarf, shying away from the biting cold. “Let’s get inside.”
He leads the way into the building, its warmth embracing you the moment you step in. The tip of your nose and your fingertips feel like they’re beginning to thaw, tingling just a hint. As you go to take off your coat, you notice Viktor isn’t in a rush. He rests his cane against the wall before he unwraps the thick, wide scarf from around his neck, folding it. He sets it on a nearby table, shucking off his trench coat, slender shoulders under a wool sweater. You watch closely as he then takes his scarf and stuffs it into the sleeve of his coat before he hangs it up. 
There’s something stiff, painful, about how he moves. You wonder if it’s the cold.
“What?” He watches you with appeased amusement.
Caught red-handed, you jump, still halfway clad in your coat.
“Nothing,” you reply, scraping for a way to deflect from your obvious staring. “Not a big fan of the cold?”
“Never.” He says it like it’s a very serious matter. “I still don’t know how I made it through my first eighteen winters in St. Petersburg.”
“You grew up in Russia?”
He laughs through his nose like you’ve told him a half good joke. “What gave it away? The accent? The surname?”
“No, I just thought… Svoboda is a Czech surname.”
With how his smile turns knowing, self-satisfied, you’re suddenly back in his office again, uncertain and nervous and asking for a job as his assistant. He could taunt you with the knowledge that you’ve looked up his last name, embarrass you a little, play with you.
But he isn’t that man anymore — not to you. This time, he feeds your curiosity, albeit just with crumbs.
“My mother’s,” he clarifies. “Sidorov is Russian — my father’s.”
Oh.
“It’s nice that they used both their names. I’m assuming that wasn’t… common, back then, and back there.”
“It wasn’t, and they did not.” Viktor waits for you to hang up your coat, watchful gaze making your every movement feel loaded with static that’s about to snap. “I added hers when I changed my name.”
Changed his name?
The image of the sticker on his thermos turns up fresh in your mind, and you can’t help but wonder…
“Well? I was hoping we could discuss more in the lab, but if you prefer the coat hanger…”
Goddamn it. Focus. You need to focus.
“Sorry.”
You catch up, then slowly follow Viktor down the hallway, into the small lab he has been assigned. It’s one of the less grand ones, but it has all it needs — from a pretty new hexion accelerator to a humble whiteboard. It smells sanitized, sterile, ozonic.
You assume your usual seat by the whiteboard while he sets up. It still doesn’t feel… right to let him do all of that by himself, but he insists upon it, so, you stay out of his way. Viktor tidies up the space just a little, finding his goggles among the mess. He slips them onto his head, elastic pulling back his soft hair into a fluffy grey and brown mess. His cane thumps against the linoleum with every hurried step — though he doesn’t seem to be hurrying on account of you being there as much as excitement to show you.
Once he’s done, he sits in front of the accelerator, slipping his goggles on, and nods for you to come. Which you do — you’d be at his beck and call beyond just the academic context. For a moment, you pluck the inviting tilt of his head and the quirk of his lips out of their context, and you plant it atop your own bed, him in just a loose shirt, underwear, lax with freshly received pleasure. More comfortable than he’s ever been, all because of you. Beckoning for you. Come here. Smiling at you when your knee dips into the mattress, tucking his index under your chin as you crawl to him, reeling you in for a kiss.
“Come closer.”
God help you.
You comply with a wildly beating heart, stepping forward until you’re close behind his sitting form, watching the accelerator over his shoulder. 
He smells nice. Like an indistinct, aromatic cologne, covering up the natural, gentle musk of his skin. You have to resist the urge to dip your head down and trace the tip of your nose along his spine, from where the bones of his neck show to where the scruff at the back of his head goes thicker, fuller. You wonder if he’d shiver as you let the scent of him imbue you… you wonder if he’d lean into it, if he’d tilt his head for you, let you dip your face into the slope of his shoulder, where his scent’s more potent.
The mere thought of him, vivid in your nostrils and clinging to your palate and the floor of your brain, rattles you with a shiver.
“I thought I’d rather show you than tell you,” he explains, wrapping both pale, bony hands around the handles of the accelerator. Steam hisses from the exhaust, flooding the room with more ozone, and gently, but certainly, the gem starts to spin behind the glass panel, beginning to levitate out of its socket, illuminating the room. 
God, you should have put on goggles too, it’s making your eyes hurt. It’s a welcome reminder as to why you chose to spend most your days staring down a blackboard rather than the thing itself. The screen right above it is more of a familiar sight to you: numbers, reading the rotations per minute, as well as energetic output, steadily increasing. 
It whirrs, magic static whirling up around the blue orb, electricity crackles. 
You can see the appeal of this over a blackboard. But you’d still take the chalk. Especially considering the deafening noise. 
Nevermind the damn goggles. You need to remember to bring some ear plugs.
“Watch the panel.” Viktor raises his voice over the hum of the machine, and turns to you, watching you from behind foggy lenses with a smile. You wish you could see the way his crow’s feet deepen. It rumbles harder, so much so Viktor almost has to shout the next thing he says, which is a shame, because his usually playful lilt is lost in the noise of it. “Not to… spoil the outcome of this experiment for you, but I implemented the conclusions we came to last week, and, it is safe to say…”
With a well-timed click and tug on a lever, the machine disengages, and the gem drops back into its socket under the influence of gravity. Its violating light returns to a faint, blue glow, like an artificially lit aquarium; fluctuating and undulating gently in its intensity. The potential energy indicator’s numbers climb back up, steadily, but faster than what you’ve seen before. 
Much faster.
You can’t help but grin with excitement. “It’s regenerating fast.”
Viktor smirks at you over his shoulder like you’re sharing a sacred, intimate inside joke. 
“It is.“
You await the verdict with a bated breath.
“How much?”
Viktor’s smile only grows, like he’s about to give you a present. And, all things considered, this is going to be one, in months’ or maybe even years’ time.
“A thirty-seven percent recovery after usage within an hour.” Viktor spins in the lab stool to face you with the theatrical self-satisfaction of a magician who just sawed his assistant in half and is waiting for the applause. You nearly forget to step back to give him the space for it, so much so your knees knock together. But there is no chance for you to apologize, Viktor is unbothered, sliding the goggles up his forehead enthusiastically, his show of complacency ditched in favor of pure excitement. “That is more than I’ve ever achieved thus far. Thanks to y—” 
His voice sticks in his throat, turning into a pained hiss.
His hair’s tangled in his goggles.
“Oh, wonderful,” he grits out sarcastically. 
A frustrated half-sigh half-groan rumbles in his chest as he pulls again and only makes things worse.
“Could you get me a pair of scissors? I should have some in the third drawer over there.”
“Wait. At least let me try first,” you insist. Reluctantly, you step closer, and after a moment’s hesitation, Viktor lowers his head for better access like a feral animal letting itself be pet for the first time. He sits still, the sound of both your breaths suddenly loud in the tall, quiet room as you’re forced to step even closer. “Could you…”
You nudge his ankles apart with the tip of your shoe.
He listens.
After a stuttering, fragile exhale, Viktor spreads his thighs. 
You take the space offered. And you try not to think about kneeling, about making a home for yourself between his thighs.
“Do you think you can do it?”
You wish he’d asked you that about any number of things, except for the goggles tangled in his feathery, soft hair.
But yes. You think you do.
It would have been a terrible shame to cut it — though some shorter, bluntly cut hairs that sit a little further back near the top of his head tell you his suggestion was not the product of a new idea. Carefully, you pull whatever hairs are looser from between the lens and the bridge of the goggles, though a strand remains stubborn. 
You try to ignore the warmth of his breath on your shirt, the intoxicating, soapy, yet distinctively human smell of his scalp, and the mesmerizing ratio of grey to dark brown, the subtle heat on the sides of your palms and wrists, resting on his head for stability.
As you separate another few hairs from the stuck strand and accidentally tug at them, Viktor has no reaction. Beyond swallowing thickly, and sitting through it dutifully. 
You wonder if he’d act just the same, had you bunched his hair into the spaces between your fingers and tugged — simply biting his tongue and chewing through the pain — or if he’s leaned into the force, moaning with it, and god, you’ve hurt him, and you haven’t even apologized.
“Sorry.” You sound twice as genuine — mainly because you apologize for much worse than the inflicted pain. “Almost done.”
“The scissors would have been faster,” he half-jokes.
His voice sounds different. A hint more… strained. He shifts in the seat, wipes his hands on his slacks.
“Would have been a shame, though. You have pretty hair.” The last part of the sentence positively escapes you, and once you hear it, you freeze. Your brain scrambles itself trying to add something that will fix the inherent following awkwardness, the horrifying realization you just called your boss pretty, the fact that it’s true, the fact that—
Viktor flinches with another accidental tug of his hair, and so do his thighs — jumping with the surprise, clenching together until they squeeze around yours. But they’re gone just as fast, flinching away with horrified urgency. Before you get to savor the supple flesh pressing into your own in another new perverted way, before you get to imagine his ankles locking behind you, tilting and rubbing your hips into the hug of his thighs.
You need. To get. A grip.
“Sorry.”
You continue on in silence, and thank everything above he at the very least can’t see the way your hands shake, because he’s staring at the floor like he could drill a hole into it with just his eyes. 
You should have gotten the damn scissors. As if through divine intervention, the rest of his hair comes loose not soon after.
“Okay. All done.” You smooth the slightly crinkled, but now free strand back down into the rest of his soft hair. 
Viktor’s dainty features come into view from below his face framing pieces as he tilts his chin up. His lips quirk into a gentle smile, his eyes sparkle in the faint blue glow, soft shadows under the hollow of his cheeks and the swell of his lip and the tip of his nose and the bone of his brow. You wish you could immortalize him in whatever way he’d let you — a sculpture, a painting, a poem. He looks ripe for kissing, eyes half-lidded and twice as dreamy as he peers at you.
You’re going to see him like this in your mind’s eye later tonight.
Nestled between your thighs, or kissing down your stomach, molten gold under long, dark lashes, sitting atop carved marbled bone.
“Thank you.” He says it quietly — like it would break the sudden holiness of the moment to say it any other way.
He’s so warm. 
You could kiss him. See what the ozone of the room tastes like in the slick of his mouth. You wonder if he’d let you, if he’d suckle your tongue into his mouth in a show of submission, or if he’d bite your lip, licking your teeth, pressing, pushing, make you earn the privilege to taste him. 
You wonder if he’d hold you, or if his curious hands would roam, tracing the front of your stomach, or your spine, or press to the middle of your breastbone like he wants to see where you’d split open for him down the middle like a ripe peach. You wonder if he’d let you dip a hand down the front of his slacks, you wonder if he’d tilt his hips into it like he’d been aching for it, aching for you. Scorching your hand with want, materialized in slick or straining hardness. You wonder which it’d be.
From where you’re standing, the distance between the apex of his chin and the space where his slacks stretch between his thighs is small — and your gaze takes the leap, searching. But the material dips and curves in such a way that you’re left none the wiser, and with nothing but a disgusting realization.
You’re staring at your boss’ crotch.
You step back from the heat between his thighs, painfully awake, aware. It squeezes and wriggles in your chest like you have a parasite lodged in the chambers of your heart. 
You’re disgusting.
You need to put an end to this.
“You’re welcome, professor.”
With that, you’re practically bolting from between his thighs, to stash the scissors away again.
You’re neglecting your job, you’re putting it in jeopardy. Putting yourself in jeopardy, risking all the rumors circulating becoming a shameful truth, you’re risking the first man who ever kept up with you, followed you where you wanted to go and took you further — you’re risking it all because he makes you unbelievably fucking horny. 
And it’s absurd. Embarrassing. You need to get a hold of yourself. 
“I was… thinking, actually,” you begin, and want to punch yourself over how Viktor perks back up from where you’d left him. “About some things regarding my thesis that I’d like your thoughts on.”
“Oh. Of course.” You have got to be imagining the subtle disappointment in his tone. The second you let yourself believe it’s more than just a figment of your make-believe, is the second you will be doomed. 
Viktor, with all his years and experience, would and does know better than to fall for his assistant. You know he does.
“What’s on your mind?” He prompts after your prolonged silence.
If he knew the half of it.
You’re late.
And it’s a direct, shameful consequence of last night’s lusting, the time you’d spent frustratedly tossing and turning and thinking of his mouth and his eyes and his scent, before you’d given in past midnight, and humped your hand into completion.
Thinking about him under you, about pressing your face into his neck, about pressing him into the mattress and rutting into him until he gushes and his tired body sings for you and his voice cracks. Until he breaks for you, until pleasure itself oils and unscrews all the biological cogs of his body and he comes out unstrung, reborn.
Viktor’s in a wheelchair. 
And he looks worse for wear than you’ve ever encountered him before, slumping in the chair and massaging his eyelids with his thumb and index, seemingly gathering his thoughts. He’s dressed even warmer than usual, in a loose but thick, dark red sweater. There’s a colorful knitted blanket folded and set over the tops of his thighs. 
Viktor doesn’t acknowledge you when you come in and sit near the whiteboard, simply resumes his lecture as he regains his mental footing. And he goes on for a while, not sparing you a single glance, as he goes through powerpoint slides today, instead of his usual writing and hand drawn diagrams. 
He’s at it for a while, not as fast as his usual pace, but undeniably concise, certain. Until…
“The energy output increases proportionately to the spin, and, with powerful enough matrices, some hexgems can create force fields of their own. This is a particularly common phenomenon in unstabilized gems as well, though with the activation of their force field, those tend to also create… eh…”
Viktor stops, sighing, pinching the bridge of his nose. He frowns, mumbling something in another language, which, judging by the heavy consonants and squeezed vowel, you’d assume it’s Russian. The word must be slipping his mind, so you decide to help out.
“A shock wave.”
Viktor’s gaze cuts. He’s looked at you with disinterest before, sure, but this… 
He doesn’t even turn his head to look at you, just eyes you from the corner of his vision like something unworthy of acknowledgment. You wish you could swallow your words back up.
“Yes,” he says. “Thank you. A shock wave.”
You don’t say anything again for the rest of the lecture. 
Once the door falls shut behind the last few students who have left the room, Viktor turns to you. You wish you could shrink; and it feels like you do, when he finally speaks.
“I appreciate your intention to help — but do not interrupt me again. I know what I’m trying to say.” He sounds utterly unlike himself, both spent and angry. “I don’t need help. Especially not in the middle of a lecture.”
“Sorry.”
That alone softens him up a hint. He looks away, rubbing his thumbs against the wheels of his chair, before he speaks again. Calmer. 
“Just… do not let it happen again.”
As he slumps in his seat, massaging at his temples, you understand that his anger… might not have been as directed at you as you’d initially thought. He’d been snippy when his back hurt — having switched to a wheelchair must mean he’s in a lot more pain now.
And you understand his frustration. He’d just gotten himself an assistant a few months back, and started a new project — looking like he requires help in front of his students is certainly not doing his reputation right now any favors. 
“But if there’s other things I can do to make your day a little easier, I’d like to do them.”
“No, thank you.” He shakes his head, before he grabs both wheels and advances to where he’d left his bag. As he starts packing his things, he stops again, quietly groaning somewhere in the back of his throat. “Where did I put my pen…”
Viktor eventually finds it right behind his water bottle on the table, tossing the both of them into his bag, shutting it tightly. You expect him to wheel himself over to the ramp that leads to the exit, but he just hangs his head, massaging at his temples again, before he looks at you.
“Actually, I’d like it if you went to my office and got me a silver tin box in the… fourth drawer on the left side of my desk. Do you have the key with you, or should I give you mine?”
“I have it. I’ll be quick.”
“Thank you.”
And you deliver on your promise. You don’t run, but you power walk there, and you’re back with (hopefully the right) tin box in the same lecture hall before his break ends.
Viktor takes it from you gladly, popping it open. It contains two foils of painkillers, one already half empty, a small ziploc bag of… gummies, and at the very bottom, some dark chocolate. 
You must have pulled a bit of a face at the contents — particularly the gummies — because Viktor cocks a brow at you, before he faintly chuckles under his breath and pops three painkillers in one go.
After depositing the foil back in the box, he fishes out the dark chocolate bar. It looks to be the expensive kind, something Belgian — Viktor breaks off a piece, putting it in his mouth, before he holds it out to you.
“Peace offering,” he clarifies when you hesitate. 
You’d be a fool to turn him down. You take some — it’s rich, buttery, and melts on your tongue. It coats your mouth with its taste, dark and aromatic and unfortunately not as sweet as you thought Viktor preferred. He’d always favored the almost disgustingly sugary cakes.
“Didn’t think you’d like something so bitter,” you say.
“I do not. It sometimes helps with my migraines,” he tells you. “Sugar makes them worse. A very… devastating discovery to make, as I’m sure you can imagine.”
You wonder if right now is the right time to be curious — and you decide it might be.
“Do the migraines also affect your leg? Or the other way around?” 
“No.” Viktor shakes his head, popping off another piece of dark chocolate. “This,” he gestures at himself, the wheelchair, “was just a very unfortunate… overlapping.”
“Oh.” You grimace in sympathy. “Fun.”
“A punishment for it, more like.” 
What’s that supposed to mean?
“Let’s hope my migraine eases up on me throughout this lecture.” He smiles at you — and for the first time you’ve known him, he looks old doing it. Exhausted. The face of a man who’s seen enough hardship for a lifetime, but has yet to cave under it. 
You wish you could hold him. You wish you could melt it away, kiss it better, love it better. Whatever he’d let you.
You surprise both him and yourself when you lay a gentle hand on his shoulder and let your thumb rub a small circle over the wool. 
Though he flinches at the first contact, once something in his brilliant mind unfurls and settles, so does he. Through the cracks, tenderness shines under the fatigue. Viktor can be soft — in spite of everything im his body and his past that protests against it. “Thank you.”
You take your hand away sooner than you’d like — but at the ideal time to keep it from being anything more than a friendly touch.
“I’m glad I could help,” you say.
Viktor isn’t there at all next week. 
You come in on Monday to find his office empty during lunch break, and when you attend his lecture, it’s another professor from his department teaching it. The students don’t seem all too excited about the change either — and you leave before it even starts.
Heimerdinger is none the wiser about Viktor’s situation when you talk to him — in spite of their shared history. He simply tells you he’d taken the week off and had arranged for substitutes.
You consider messaging him… and ultimately end up doing so, after some internal debate. You simply text him to get well soon and that you hope he’s getting some well-deserved rest. He replies with just a plain thank you.
Tuesday is quiet. You receive a stack of midterms you need to get through from the substitute, and you do, by Thursday morning. Which is when Heimerdinger messages you.
Dr. Prof. Cecil B Heimerdinger
Good morning! I’m well aware this is on very short notice — but the substitute professor has unfortunately suffered a minor car accident. Not to worry; they only sustained small njury. However, I am finding myself forced to task you with Viktor’s lectures today. Do you think you could take care of that? Thank you.
-Cecil B. Heimerdinger
9:32
Just the thing you needed — teaching two full lectures, entirely unprepared.
Alright. You’ve got this. You’ve got this. You just need to find out what’s even on the agenda for today. You could text Viktor, right? If he answers on time, that is… he’s sick, he might as well be asleep right now. You could call, but… he said only to do that in the case of an emergency when he gave you his phone number. 
Would this count as an emergency?
Your phone beeps.
Dr. Prof. Viktor Sidorov-Svoboda
There should be a black flash drive in the third drawer on the left in my desk. It has all my lectures.
9:34
Today’s topic is LHC segments naturally occurring in unstabilized gems. Feel free to use my work laptop to familiarize yourself with the presentation before the lecture.
9:35
Me
Thank you so much! 
9:35
His answer comes a few minutes later, just as you fish the flash drive out of his drawer, and plug it into his laptop.
Dr. Prof. Viktor Sidorov-Svoboda
Good luck 👍 
9:42
It would be a lot easier to get caught up in the desire to snoop around on his laptop if you didn’t have less than 20 minutes left until the lecture. His background is disappointingly the default image, but some of his folders look undeniably tempting — not just the scientific ones, which take up most of the space. There’s some photo albums titled with the year and location: Germany 2011, Czech Republic 2009, among many others. There’s also a photo album titled Persichka. 
Who is that? 
You almost click it. But then you check your watch again and realize you only have 15 more minutes until the lecture, and decide against it.
For how utterly unprepared you are, it goes surprisingly well. You stumble, once or twice, but you’re glad to see that even by the end of the lecture, you still have most students’ attention.
After you dismiss the class, you don’t expect questions. But a good handful of them, a little under ten, approach your desk, whispering among themselves, before a hastily appointed representative emerges. 
“We were just wondering,” she awkwardly begins, “if professor Sidorov-Svoboda is alright. And when he’s coming back.”
“Oh.” You hope they’re asking because they understandably prefer him, and not because you did a particularly shabby job. “He texted me just today — he’s doing alright. But I can’t give you an exact estimate for when he’s coming back just yet.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
With that, all of them turn to go. After the last student has left the room, you reach for your phone, and pray you don’t see any other day-altering messages today. 
Dr. Prof. Viktor Sidorov-Svoboda
I did not mean for you to have to do this. 
10:11
You unlock your phone and jump straight into the chat.
Me
Don’t worry, it’s alright. I handled it :)
12:02
Dr. Prof. Viktor Sidorov-Svoboda
I knew you could.
12:02
Thank you.
12:02
Me
Focus on resting up and getting well soon! 
12:03
Dr. Prof. Viktor Sidorov-Svoboda
I have been. I actually feel well enough for company now. Coincidentally, I’ve gotten some ideas for your thesis and I would like it if we discussed them sometime. Would you be free this weekend?
12:05 
He wants to meet? Outside of the university? Undoubtedly for academic purposes still, but your heart squeezes and bounces and pops with the implications. 
No. You shouldn’t let yourself hope for more than just a few formal, at best friendly hours spent together.
Viktor doesn’t want you. He would never want you — he knows better. You know better.
Me
I’d like that! Saturday works for me. Where would you like to meet?
12:05
Dr. Prof. Viktor Sidorov-Svoboda
If you’d prefer somewhere on academy grounds like my office or the coffee shop, either would be fine.
12:06
My apartment is also an option.
12:06
The choice is obvious.
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incognitopolls · 1 month ago
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Hello!
I was wondering, what are the chances of not getting your question posted for whatever reason? Like, maybe it wasn't considered appropriate for some or simply you didn't want to post it (and that's is completely fine and understandable). Like, how often does it happen? I've been waiting for about six months for my question to get posted, I just would like to know how likely it is to be left unpublished
Thank you and love the blog! :)
Another anon asked:
just a curious question - how many repeat polls have you received ever (or maybe how common idk)
I get a lot of repeat submissions! I haven't ever counted– and for the most part, I just delete them, so there would really be no way to count. I have a (partial) log of a bunch of the duplicate and off-topic submissions at @incognitopolls-inbox. You can check over there to see some of the polls I receive that I don't end up posting.
I looked through a random 3-day period of my inbox that I knew I haven't touched yet. Between the three days, there were 78 submissions that I would post, 18 submissions that I would not post, and 7 that I'm not sure about. That's a total of 103 submissions, meaning about 75% (of that particular sample pool) will get posted. Some of those "no"s are duplicates, some are off-topic, and there are one or two where I just couldn't figure out what was being asked.
Some that fall into that "I'm not sure" category are questions that are highly localized to somewhere that is not very heavily represented in the users that these polls reach, like "Belgians, how did you feel about [Belgian event]?". Nothing against Belgians, you just won't get much useful data from a poll blog whose results show that a vast majority of the sample pool is Not Belgian. Sometimes those are still fun to run, but I tend to "no" them more often than not.
Aside from duplicate and clearly off-topic submissions, there are a few other (less common) reasons I might not post a poll. It's impossible to give an example of every possible thing I'd veto, but some of the ones in that batch are things like "who should be allowed to say XYZ slur?" which frankly has never been a productive conversation to have on tumblr. Likewise with "Do you think [oppressor group] has a [moral/legal/religious/historical/biological/whatever] right to oppress [oppressed group]?"– there are some submissions that won't even see the light of day via @incognitopolls-inbox. No thanks.
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ineffable-suffering · 1 year ago
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INEFFABLE META MASTERPOST
Because I'm slowly losing count and need to organize. So, here's all my self-written metas or ones that I reblogged with my own added theories and commentary! In rainbow colours, naturally.
1 – Aziraphale, I love you. But you lied. And here's why. My most lengthy and proudest meta about the Final Fifteen and why I think Aziraphale lied on purpose. (Also: The absolute darling @esthermitchell-author bravely fought their way through it and wrote up some more interesting points and different takes on what I came up with. If you want to go down a S2 rabbit hole with us, go read it here.)
2 – Why Aziraphale is an unreliable narrator (links below) A three-part meta in which I try to analyse and explain that all of the minisodes in Season 2 are not objective narrations but actually Aziraphale's memories.
Part 1: The Story of Job
Part 2: The Story of wee Morag
Part 3: The Story of the Magic Show in 1941
3 – The Jane Austen Ball and why it was never about Nina and Maggie A meta in which I go into unnecessarily great detail about how the Whickber Street Meeting Cotillion Ball was meant to be Aziraphale's confession to Crowley.
4 – Crowley & Aziraphale were never free (reblog) A reblog of @baggvinshield's post in which I explain why miscommunication is the single biggest ineffable enemy in Season 2.
5 – In Defense of Aziraphale (double reblog) A double try at explaining why I think Aziraphale's POV in the Final Fifteen is just as horrible as Crowley's and why I don't think him "choosing" to go back to Heaven was the only point of his character journey.
6 – The Art of Miscommunication: Ineffable Edition A meta in which i once again explain why miscommunication is the single biggest ineffable enemy in Season 2.
7– Season 2 Bookshop Shot Meta A meta where I briefly loose my mind because of a single bookshop frame in Season 2.
8 – What if it wasn't Aziraphale and Crowley who performed the 25 Lazarii miracle? A mini-meta in which I propose the theory that Jimbriel helped with the miracle to hide himself away from Heaven & Hell.
9 – Things in Good Omens Season 2 I still find weird (reblog) A reblog of @ok-sims and many other great OPs' thoughts on the weird loose strings in Season 2 and what unanswered questions I still have myself.
10 – The Deleted Bookshop Scene (reblog) A reblog of @skirtdyke's video and @i-only-ever-asked-questions' smart thoughts on it, with my own overly-excited 'what that could have meant for the "It's too late" line'-theroy.
11 – The Bentley Handle Easter Egg A meta I can proudly say has been liked by none other than Mr. Neil Gaiman himself about Crowley's Bentley handle that might have existed before the Bentley ever did.
12 – The F*cking Eccles Cakes A meta where I briefly loose my mind because of a pastry. (Addendum: People said very smart things in the comments of the post!)
14 – Re: "You go too fast for me, Crowley" A meta in which I make myself sad by connecting that infamous line to Aziraphale assuming Crowley wanted the Holy Water as a suicide pill.
13 – Trauma-Dumping on your plants: The Anthony J. Crowley Chronicles A meta on why Crowley treats his plants the way that he does.
14 – Demonic Mental Health Awareness Post In which I talk about why I want to get Crowley a therapy voucher.
15 – The Curious Incident of The Flaming Sword in Good Omens A meta on why the Flaming Sword has no deeper meaning. Or does it? (Updated: here's a reblog from @queerfables who did a wonderfully exellent job at calmly explaining all the swordy questions I was yelling about! Consider this meta solved.)
16 – Ceci n'est pas une plume A meta in which I'm a bit of a nerd for language and also explain why learning French and magic the human way says so much about Aziraphale as a character.
17 – The meaning of "I forgive you" A meta in which I explain what both "I forgive you"s mean and why Aziraphale will always fight for what is right until he wins. Also, the lovely @sharksbeerr translated it to Chinese on Weibo!
18 – Memory, or the lack thereof, in Season 2 A little reblog on how memory is a big and unresolved, leaky-bucket theme in Season 2.
19 – „It‘s always too late.“ (ft. Crowley‘s watch)
A short meta about that lines from Season 2 that won‘t leave my brain (and also Crowley‘s mysterious watch).
Addendum:
The one non-spoiler-y ask I could come up with about S2 that was actually answered by Neil, yay!
Also, this wholesome little post I added to that Mr. Gaiman also reblogged. :‘)
*** This is a work in progress and will get updated every time I post a new meta! ***
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aimasup · 7 months ago
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THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS EPISODE 2 THOUGHTS AND SPOILERS
The warbling effect in the beginning perfectly encapsulates what it's like to try and move in a dream.
the colours behind the eyes (we only remember the last moments of our dreams when we are about to wake up, everything before that is mostly a vague blur)
And the floors shifting without your permission? Super accurate
Hey half the fandom how does it feel to be right about Ragatha and Pomni's dynamic post-pilot
CAINE MY LOVE
Bubble never change
ZOOBLE APPEARANCE
are they actually gonna change looks every episode if so yes please
Caine with a pipe <3<3
The humour is fantastic as always (the mannequin that pushed Gangle over made me chuckle)
Pomni might have been a gamer, she seems critical of the experience but only as someone who wants to engage
Ragatha being the diplomatic face man while Jax is the wild card negotiator, what a duo! Charming in their own ways! maybe Pomni could be the relatable third that is a grounding force
Kinger is a lot more involved with the adventure than we thought he would be! He isn't as terrified or absent as imagined, he's genuinely enthusiastic (it's kind of sad)
When the gators started talking about the village and the mom, dread crept up on me: Caine's intricately powerful
the stained glass window is darkly funny though ajskwjsks
Gangle you freak?? /pos You are moving up the ranks for me
It's great that Jax isn't just a "chaotic bad boy" type, I can see why Zooble takes any chance they get to strangle him (hate him, love his character)
Gummigoo's revelation was heartbreaking thanks
was Pomni depressed? Does she remember being depressed? Aghh so many headcanons rn about her life
can we get a shoutout to the Raggedy Ann movie references and the adorable gator goons
Kinger giving advice and saying "I remember how long it etc etc" whilst his head is bucketed has such warm?? vibes??
Ragatha holding her skirt to wade through the chocolate <3<3<3
I love that the chocolate doesn't stick to anything, I love that Princess Loo is slightly uncanny, I love that they use the glitches of the assets to move the story forward, I love the game world that works within the 3d animation well <3<3
Has Caine killed a human by mistake? With a snap of his finger? Or did he snap his fingers to delete them but it didn't instantly take them out and they abstracted...
The funeral was unexpected, it's nice that Caine gives them time off to do whatever
The idea that you will be missed if you disappear.,,.
Gooseworx wasn't lying this really is the depression episode (and it's still Pomni focused! Hooray!!)
OKAY BUT CONSIDER. RAGATHA BEING THE NERVOUS DESPERATE ONE IN BUTTONBLOSSOM.
sobs the plushies I want them all
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poorlittlegreenie13 · 2 months ago
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Another 'Rules For (fake) Dating an Italian' deleted scene that I promised to post: (the omitted shower scene from chapter nine)
this was gonna start where they were walking to the L after dinner... but the chapter was getting too long & it's kind of dumb & just wasn't feeling it lolll. But you can read it if you really want to! (& I didn't proofread it. sorry! Hopefully no egregious errors).
When she finally looks up again, she finds herself staring at the CVS across the street and stops abruptly. 
“Oh, come with me,” she says, tugging his hand to J-walk across the street. 
“Syd!” Carmy says, eyes widening, glancing at the cars approaching on either side of them. 
“Pedestrians have right of way!” Sydney says, pulling him quickly across before either of them can get flattened. 
“What do you need from CVS?” Carmy says, slightly breathless, as they walk in, dry heat hitting them both as the doors slide closed on the Chicago cold. 
“It’s not what I need, it’s what you need,” she says, pulling him toward the shampoo aisle. 
“Oh, you were serious about the shampoo,” he says, though he doesn’t sound particularly upset about it. 
Would she be crazy if she thought he might actually sound slightly overwhelmed by the idea? But not in a bad way. More in the way where he looks like he’s holding back his actual reaction. She wants to see it.
“I’m not letting you bald in your early thirties because you used 3-in-1 your whole life,” Sydney says, stopping in front of a shelf of shampoos and conditioners and carefully choosing a pair of bottles, which she hands to Carmy. 
“Sounds great,” he says, not even looking at them. The words have a hazy quality to them. She smiles at him, grabbing a bottle of leave-in conditioner for good measure. 
“You need anything else?” she asks him. 
He shakes his head quickly and she nods, walking toward the register, Carmy trailing behind her. 
Somehow, Sydney did not notice them walking through a section of condoms and lube on their way to the hair productions on the way in. 
She notices now though. 
There are a couple of people waiting to check out at the register, and she intended to hang back, not wanting to crowd them, but she realizes now the connotation of her pausing in this particular section of the store. 
Carmy clears his throat. She looks at him. He’s blushing. He’s so pathetic sometimes; she’s fucking crazy about him. 
“Should I…?” he says. 
On any other occasion, she might’ve teased him about trailing off instead of being able to say it out loud, but he’s already so red in the face, she decides to be merciful. 
“What, you don’t have one in your wallet?” she says. “What kind of date is this?”
“You’re so mature, Sydney,” he says, holding back a smile, shaking his head at her. “So mature.”
“You’re the one who’s blushing,” she says, and he blushes harder, grabbing a pack of condoms off the shelf and walking away from her, up to the—now available—register. 
She follows closely behind him, drunk on the ease of it all; the absurd, entrancing way they seem to be able to speak to each other. She’s never had that with anybody else before. She likes the way he smiles when she tries to make a joke. 
In his apartment—a mutually-agreed-upon destination landed on during an L-ride that consisted mostly of staring at each other—Sydney kicks her shoes off by the door and sizes him up for a second.
He fills a glass with water and sets her flowers into them. Then he empties his pockets onto the counter; keys, wallet, phone, cigarettes, then finally, he carefully sets the plastic CVS bag down next to them, looking over at Sydney with a note of uncertain expectation on his face.
“I feel like I should offer you food, but we just ate,” he says, smiling ruefully. 
Sydney stays silent for a second, wondering if she’s being like… overly horny, and weird.
But then she considers the fact that Carmy is still blushing, and decides it’s probably fine. 
“I could, uh, show you how to use that stuff,” she says, inclining her head toward the CVS bag, then, after a moment of silence, quickly adding, “I meant the hair stuff. I didn’t mean the condoms. I mean, we can… we can use the condoms. If you want. But I’m sure you’re… perfectly capable of using those yourself. No instructions necessary.” She forces an awkward little laugh. 
He smiles at her. Not patronizing, or annoyed. He smiles at her like there’s nothing more charming on this earth than her making an utter fool of herself. She watches him bite his bottom lip, trying not to laugh, and then he laughs anyway, a sweet, boyish sound. A sound that makes affection for him swell up in her chest like a helium balloon. 
She finds herself scoffing too. 
“It wasn’t that funny,” she says. 
He presses his lips together in a thin smile to stop laughing. There’s color in his cheeks; a warmth to him, underneath all the overly-formal newness of the date. 
She snatches the CVS bag off the counter, turning and walking toward the bathroom without waiting for him.
She hears him following close behind her. She kicks her shoes off, stopping outside his shower and pulling her sweater over her head (unable to stop herself from neatly folding it and setting it gently down on the closet toilet seat. Because heaven forbid it get fucked up; she loves it like an old friend). 
When she looks up, Carmy is standing in the doorway, tongue playing at the corner of his mouth, eyes fixed on her.
Jesus Christ, are they actually doing this?
Theoretically, stripping her clothes off in front of a guy she just went on a first date with isn’t really her style. 
This is different though, isn’t it? 
Honestly, she doesn’t really care. 
She’s standing in just her skirt, and the bra she picked out that morning (not a particularly nice bra, to be completely honest, she only owns four bras and they’re all the same, just in different colors).
Carmy’s eyes don’t move off her, but his fingers come to the buttons of his shirt, undoing them with absurd dexterity, until he has enough room to pull it over his head, leaving him in a white wife beater, gold chain glinting. 
“Oh, fuck you,” Sydney says. 
Carmy scoffs. “Fuck me? You’re the one who looks like that.”
“Like what?” Sydney demands indignantly. 
“Like a fucking angel,” Carmy says, a disbeliving laugh breaking through his words halfway through the sentence. 
“You look like Marlon fucking Brando,” she says. 
“You look cold,” Carmy says, smile softening. “Wanna turn that water on?”
Simple command, but it still makes her smile fade, and her cheeks heat. She nods, turning and reaching into his shower to turn the hot water on, standing on the bathmat where it can’t reach her. 
With her back still turned to him, she reaches to undo the clasp of her bra, sliding it off and letting it fall to the tile floor of his bathroom. 
She hears him inhale. 
Hears a faint rustle of fabric. 
She brings her fingers to the zipper of her skirt and pauses, looking over her shoulder at him. 
He’s taken his undershirt off. 
She stands unmoving for a long moment, stuck in the feeling of him staring at her like a fly stuck in honey. 
“Syd,” he says gently, after a moment. “You sure you wanna do this?”
“Do you want to do this?” she asks. 
He exhales a soft laugh. 
“Yes,” he says simply. 
“Well, so do I,” she says, turning back to look at the shower water, unzipping the side of her skirt. “Get over here,” she says, one hand still holding her skirt up. 
Carmy crosses quickly to her; shirtless, impossible. His eyes flick down to her chest, but quickly come back up to her face, like he thinks she might not notice. 
She did notice. She didn’t mind. 
“You first,” she says, nodding toward his pants, still buttoned. 
He scoffs, and a blush creeps up his exposed chest, but he unbuttons them anyway, pushing them down his hips and stepping out of them, left in boxers and socks. 
She lets her skirt drop, kicking it over the same way as Carmy’s pants, and without letting herself hesitate, slides her panties down her hips too and steps under the water, inhaling sharply as it hits her head, instantly banishing any hints of the cold from her body. 
She hears the curtain slide shut, and when she opens her eyes, Carmy is standing across from her, his back pressed to the cold tiles behind the showerhead, totally dry. 
She steps back so he can stand under the water too, but he makes no motion to move until she reaches out and takes one of his wrists in her hand, pulling him under the water. 
He tilts his head back, water running over his face, curls straightening out beneath it. She finds her eyes catching on stray drops of water as they trail down his chest. 
But no. She’s getting distracted. 
“Carm,” she says. “Hair.”
“Really?” he says, with a faint note of exasperation, opening his eyes and looking at her. 
“What, did you think this was just an excuse to get you in the shower?” she says, reaching out to get the shampoo and conditioner and setting them on the shelf. “I don’t joke about curl patterns, Carmen.”
“Right,” Carmy says, shaking his head slowly. “I should’ve known.”
She smiles at him ruefully.
“I still don’t know what was so bad about my 3-in-1,” he says. 
Sydney rolls her eyes. 
“God, you’re hopeless,” she says, “here, just turn around.”
She puts her hands on his shoulders, spinning him to face the opposite shower wall. 
The water hits his face and he tilts his head back to avoid it. 
For a moment, she lets her eyes wander over his back; littered with tattoos, dripping with water. 
She wants to press a kiss to the space between his shoulder blades, but she settles instead for dragging her fingers over the slopes of his shoulders, down his biceps, lingering on his skin until she pulls her hands away to reach for the shampoo. She sees him shiver. 
“I never take warm showers,” he murmurs. Maybe to break the silence. Maybe just to talk. 
“Why not?” she asks, pouring some shampoo into one hand and replacing the bottle on the shelf in the corner of his shower. 
“I— oh,” he breaks off as she brings her hand to the back of his hair, beginning to massage the shampoo into his damp curls. “I, uh, I don’t know, just never… had the time for the water to warm up, I guess,” he says, quieter. 
She drags her fingers through his hair, bringing her left hand up to join her right, working across his scalp. 
“God, that’s— that’s good, Syd,” he says, words soft.
He steps back, maybe subconsciously, leaning into her touch. His back grazes her chest and she hears his breath catch. 
“Sorry,” he breathes, freezing in place.  
“Don’t be,” she says. “Step under the water for me though, we need to wash this out.”
“Mmhm,” he says, leaning his head forward to catch under the water. The bubbles of the shampoo run down his back, following the path of his spine.  
When the water runs clear, no more shampoo running down the drain, he turns around to look at her. His eyelashes have droplets of water stuck in them. His hair is plastered to his forehead. 
“Done?” he asks. 
“No,” she says, smiling at how disheveled he looks.  “Conditioner now.”
“Oh,” he says, exhaling. 
“It’s good to leave the conditioner in for a few minutes sometimes,” she says, swallowing hard, reaching blindly behind her for the bottle, uncapping it and squeezing some into her palm. He watches her do it. “Makes your hair softer, you know?”
“Whatever you say,” he says, though he doesn’t seem particularly invested in her haircare instructions. 
She doesn’t make him turn around this time, just smooths his hair back with one hair and combs the conditioner through with the other, enjoying the way his eyes flutter shut as she drags her fingernails lightly over his scalp. 
When she’s done, he doesn’t open his eyes. 
She studies his face for a second; greedy and unhurried. 
He’s so fucking beautiful. 
“Carm,” she says. 
“Mm?” he says, eyes opening. 
She smiles softly at the dazed expression on his face, and drops her eyes to his lips. As she leans into him, she sees the tiniest flicker of surprise, and then he’s leaning back to meet her, that hungry kind of kissing that unfailingly disarms her. 
Her chest presses against his, their wet skin sliding easily together, making her body hum to life. 
She isn’t sure if she steps forward, or he steps back, but as they move together, the shower water begins raining down over both their heads. Sydney tastes flat water catching between their lips; the shock of the heat of it makes her gasp, and when she pulls back from Carmy, he’s red and breathless.
“I… think it, uh, washed itself out,” she says, glancing at his hair. 
“Yeah?”
She nods slowly.
“Smells good,” he says, running his fingers through his own damp hair. 
She smiles at him. “It’ll be soft when it dries.”
“Yeah?”
“Mmhm,” she says, nodding, becoming less capable of words as he stares at her more intensely. 
“You wanna… dry off?” he asks. “Then we can… you know. Whatever you want.”
“Yeah,” she says. 
He reaches behind him, turning the water off. 
There are towels under his sink and he tosses her one. 
“Don’t you dare towel dry your hair,” she says. 
He blinks at her. 
“Wha—how am—what am I supposed to do if I don’t towel dry it?”
“You need to scrunch it up and let it dry naturally.”
“Uh-huh,” he says. “Maybe show me that next time.”
She rolls her eyes as he towels his hair off in a way that is absolutely going to undo any progress she made. But she doesn’t really care. 
“Bedroom?” she asks, wrapping the towel he gave her around herself. 
“Yes,” he says, 
58 notes · View notes
creatingblackcharacters · 7 days ago
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hi there; first, thank you for making this blog and all the lessons you do, i really appreciate them as a Black person because it highlights a lot of struggles i face with fandoms in general, and why i dont interact more in certain spaces. it makes me feel seen
with regards to your questions, i'd also like answers to them from nonblack fans, especially nonblack anime fans. i don't even mean consuming anime with overtly racist caricatures of black characters (because numerous anime fans pirate their anime and never send a cent to the creators anyway), i mean how can they make fanworks of it?
how can they look at something that they are told is wildly offensive, but then defend with "well, this is how it looks in canon"? where is the line drawn between what's okay and what isn't? as long as it's slow and gradual, is there no line at all?
these are probably just rehashings of your own followup questions, so please excuse that, but i do have an anecdote
i joined a casual anime server the other day and a lot of folks were lamenting one Black character's racist design and how often those on social media will replicate it without thinking/caring. The thing that struck me is that, I've checked this character's tumblr tag regularly for a long time. There are always people who will post art/fanworks of this character with his racist design. Yet hardly ever, if ever, (outside of Black fans) have I seen any of these folks- the ones in the discord server- try to talk to artists/writers/fan creators/etc via asks/replies/etc. There's a notable amount of people in that server and a notable amount that agreed the design was outright racist and that they'll never make fanworks like that, and yet still silence
i'm not entirely sure what would be the line, or the "okay, that's enough" moment to spur any of these folks into action. i'm not sure if there is one. the only reason i don't make my own "hey what is wrong with all of you" post and blow up is because I've made a wonderful little friend group in this fandom who get it, and I don't want them to get caught up in whatever happens if I were to make a post like that
And this is just for getting people to stop using the canon design of the character, i.e., to stop drawing him as a racist caricature. This isn't touching on the people who 1) lighten his skintone [he's been horribly whitewashed over time, which has been reflected in some fanarts and fan merch], or 2) give him a looser hair/straight hair texture, rather than his type 4 hair (there's also #3, which is fanfiction with straight up slurs, and horribly racist writing in it that my friend heavily warned me not to read, but that was more of a one-off case and I've had the creator blocked a long time now).
my point being, we (Black fans) can't even get folks to stop with the caricatures, which we have to start with, and then there's even more of an annoying uphill battle with the other stuff. I'm just so tired of all of this; it makes me want delete my own works and turn away from fandom all together because i can't stand it.
trying for polite and assuming ignorance hardly ever works, speaking bluntly doesnt work at all, making public posts hardly goes anywhere (partly because of how rarely people reblog things anymore, partly because it makes people 'uncomfortable' to share this information with others). Black fans so obviously need help to combat this, and yet it's like sitting at a tea party and hearing all these pretty words in this one setting, yet nobody does anything different/better when the party's over/outside this setting.
sorry for dooming a bit, but like, genuinely i would like to know where the line is for nonblack folks? what is the point/are the points where you would speak up against antiblack racism? have you ever considered speaking up? if there's ever a moment you recognized antiblack racism and didn't say anything, why didn't you? did you consider how your lack of speaking up might affect your fellow Black fans? or how Black fans may be interpret this as silent agreement with the racists/with the racist 'norm'?
..those could maybe be alternative ways of asking your last followup question?
(if i've made any blunders or overstepped here, please let me know!)
No, I'm glad you spoke up! I too would like to see answers!
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six-eyed-samurai · 5 months ago
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I was finally able to think of a request lol :D
I was wondering if i could get a Gyutaro x reader (female or gender neutral, whichever works best for you :3) who is in a depressive episode and just really burnt out, like barely getting out of bed, not really taking care of themselves unless specifically made to, and how he would react to that considering he’s used to them being pretty outgoing and happy and always doing things.
i’m just needing the comfort right now and who better to do it then probably one of the most protective demons in the series.
have a nice day/night :3
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SUMMARY: Gyutaro isn't the best at understanding emotions but he'll try...even if he fails. A/N: I got what you feel, my sueto poteo begurl! Sorry this took so long, I was busy and Tumblr deleted my first draft T_T WARNINGS: Cannibalism because demons, fem reader, depression My inbox is still open if you would like to request for the event!
Humans are weird.
Of course that was only from Gyutaro’s perspective, seeing as he was a demon and didn't feel the same way humans did about problems or emotions. It made it a little hard to understand why people would get so worked up over problems because as a demon you could solve all of them (they didn't have much honestly) by killing or have everyone cower in fear of you.
Then again as a human, he had solved most of his problems that way as well, so it can be confirmed that Gyutaro was not very good at understanding emotions.
But you were a demon and that was weirder.
For one you were quite upbeat all the time, always smiling brightly no matted what. For another everyone loved you, although it might be because the dumbasses had no idea as to what you truly are.
Third was that while demons didn't need sleep you'd been doing a lot of it lately. That was weird even for you, someone not strong enough to be a demon of importance but not so weak as to be one of those filthy humans.
Come to think of it you weren't just sleeping a lot. He'd barely seen you around but Gyutaro had assumed that was because he had been out a lot of nights hunting, until he realized watching through Daki’s mind that you barely left your room and rarely did anything anymore. If you did it was only because the mistress was bugging you or you were specifically requested. And when you spoke it was a dull monotone of absolute obedience.
You used to be such a pretty little bird! A canary that delighted everyone, especially himself, with your lilting voice and sweet words. Then you became some peculiar nocturnal creature and Gyutaro found that he did not quite like all ugly, dirty things in the dust after all.
But it'd be a lie to say Gyutaro had noticed the change in your behaviour the last few days. No, it had been Daki, something he was ashamed to admit. She had remarked upon your disappearance and had just about thrown him out of the room when he said he didn't notice anything, huffing that you probably were going to think he no longer wanted you.
Idiot, Gyutaro cursed himself, and suddenly was reminded of the first night at the beginning when crush became confession.
“You're mine,” he'd hissed, and tucked away in his protective hold you had laughed lightly and agreed if he'd be yours in exchange.
You were his and Gyutaro took care of his most precious things. VERY good care of his things.
***
It's been a while since he entered your room.
Gyutaro hunkered down beside you, curious and confused. Your blankets were strewn all over the place and your head was buried under a mound of pillows; it was obvious that you hadn't moved in hours. A skeletal hand hovered above your shoulder, unsure if he should awaken you…or if you are even sleeping. You looked rather unhappy even relaxed.
“Gyutaro.” Your eyes cracked open, his name a statement rather than a question, but there was some surprise in your tone nevertheless.
Gyutaro did not like the look of you, for you looked dead but not in complexion - rather the dimness of the life spark that he had enjoyed watching snuffed out when he killed. He grunted in reply, eyeing you suspiciously. “I haven't seen you in a while.”
“I suppose you haven't.” Your shoulders sagged. “I'm sorry, I'm kind of tired tonight. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow?”
“Tired?” Gyutaro recoiled sharply, hurt and a little mad. “You…don't want to see me?”
“No. I just meant tomorrow.” You struggled to muster a smile but he snarled at no one in particular, nails gouging into the wooden floor, before he was gone in a flash.
Clearly something must be bothering you, Gyutaro reasoned to himself as he made his way back to Daki’s room. Something that must be affecting your energy and mood. You couldn't possibly be fed up with him, were you?
No, you promised!
There must be something else, something else the cause of your problems. Whatever it was Gyutaro would get rid of it, preferably painfully, but first he would have to watch you keenly.
It wasn't spying, not technically, when he was only trying to look out for you and after a few days Gyutaro finally came up with an answer. For whatever reason you hadn't left the house to hunt and so you must be starved of a good meal, he concluded. People loved you, thinking you were just an ordinary human, so perhaps the mistress was adding more to your workload or you couldn’t say no to accompanying one of the girls during the night. Easy, he could remedy that! Especially when he found the two guys who had disrespected you oh so badly not too long ago.
He lugged the two corpses back to your room, getting through the window quite effortlessly. You were awake this time, he was happy to find, and picking at the knots in your hair in front of your vanity, your brush lying forgotten on the ground.
You frowned, though. Not what he was expecting. “What…is that?”
“For you….to eat.” Gyutaro scrunched up his eyebrows, baffled when you made no move towards it. “Aren’t you hungry?”
Your shoulders sagged again. Uncertainly your hand reached out and patted his hair briefly before withdrawing. “…I already ate, Gyutaro, and it’s not hunger that’s bothering me.”
“…it’s me, isn’t it? Do - have you found someone else?” Gyutaro began to panic and rage. “I’ll kill him! Who is he? Is he handsome? NEEEH! I’ll do better, I swear, I’m sorry I’m so ugly-”
“No! Not like that!” Your hands shot out again to assure him, but it only lasted a few moments. “I’m just…tired. I’ll be alright in a few days but I don’t really have the energy to see people right now.”
“You…don’t want to see me?”
“No, that’s not what I-”
Gyutaro’s nails gouged into his cheeks this time as he disappeared out of your room, disappointed.
***
Daki didn’t want the humans either.
“EW! BROTHER, WHY WOULD YOU BRING BACK SUCH UGLY PEOPLE! I’M NOT GOING TO EAT THEM! THEY’RE JUST GONNA TAKE UP SPACE IN MY OBI AS WELL!” Daki would’ve kicked them away from her if her dress hadn’t hampered her movements. Gyutaro growled under his breath but began to eat them himself. “Why don’t you give them to (y/n) ? She usually eats ugly things like these.”
“Shut up already!”
“Hey, I saw you coming out of her room just now, did you-”
“I SAID SHUT UP!”
“Someone’s touchy,” Daki sighed, rolling her eyes. “Did she reject them?”
Rejected me, more like, Gyutaro grumbled to himself. He looked up from his meal, considering things. Daki was a girl and your friend (sort of), perhaps she’d know what was wrong with you. “She’s been weird lately. Doesn’t eat much and shit. Why?”
“You gotta finish your story first!”
“I dunno alright! She just spends her time either in bed or asleep, doesn’t do anything unless you ask her, doesn’t even wanna see or talk to me since a few days ago!” Gyutaro threw a bone across the room in frustration. “It’s like she’s kinda unhappy. Did something happen?”
“Kinda unhappy? Now that I think of it she got assigned to the new oiran a few days ago and she treats the girls worse than I do honestly.” Daki suddenly sat up straighter. She’d finish doing her lipstick and now she looked ready to chuck it at her brother. “Did you not notice? Oh my god, you’re so dense! She’s unhappy and you didn’t do a thing about it!”
“WHAT?!”
She did throw it at him. “Go comfort your precious girl in her depressive episode, you stupid dumbass! Honestly, I’m a demon and even I understand emotions better than you.”
***
It seemed like no matter how nice you try to be some girl’s always laughing at you behind her fan and due to the shortage of girls in the house (you suspected to be caused by Daki, but you had your fair share as well) the mistress had been pressuring you to work harder for the new oiran and nothing was to her satisfaction.
Every minor accident magnified tenfold and every day it felt like you were on the verge of tears or…actually, absolute numbness. You didn’t want to care anymore, so despite not needing it anymore you started spending more of your time asleep than awake, eating the minimum to live. Why did you live anyway? Probably because you were too afraid of what happened after.
And you still wanted to hang around to be with Gyutaro…even if he hurt you with his apparent indifference to your current situation.
Everybody was indifferent, in fact. The truth was nobody cared. Nobody was going to come into your room and ask if you were alright, for everyone was too caught up in their problems.
Well, except for whoever’s hand it was that suddenly grabbed you.
Your eyes shot open at once and you grabbed on tightly to the familiar person now carrying your oddly gently, bridal-style, out of your bedroom via the window and climbing upwards agilely. A very familiar someone with a skeletal body frame, an untidy mop of green hair and grey, spotted skin.
“Gyutaro?!” Your voice should’ve been hoarse from the lack of use and water but instead the yelp came out louder and clearer than intended. “What are you doing?!”
He didn’t answer, only set you down on top of the rooftop carefully and settled down next to you awkwardly, scratching away at his neck and arm. Gyutaro nodded upwards. “Just watch.”
And the sky exploded into millions of colors.
“…a fireworks show?” It’s been a while since you’ve smiled, but the way your mouth hung open and widened at the same time couldn’t be helped as you gazed at the vibrant sparks shooting up. Your hand, out of habit, inched closer to his and intertwined fingers. You were startled when he yanked you against him, almost in a cuddling position, but pleased.
“Daki told me. Thought I’d take you to see it since you won’t leave your room otherwise.” Gyutaro seemed to be steeling himself for something, scratching harder. “…you can tell me if you have problems, y’know? I won’t get it but Daki’s a girl and I’ll…try.”
It’s been a while since you actually broke down, let a few tears fall and have someone tuck you closer to hold and comfort while you poured your heart out like a flood after the dam breaks down. It felt good. Gyutaro listened and he was good at it, not punctuating it with blunt “I could go kill thems” or turning away stiffly saying he didn’t understand you and your emotions like he used to, like you thought he would. Occasionally he’d squeeze your hand tight when one particularly loud and beautiful firework went off.
It was…he really knew how to make things better, huh?
“Thanks…” You pressed your head into the bony crook of his neck. “For this. Feel free to kidnap me anytime for a fireworks show, I guess.”
“I’ll take you to a better one next time. And I didn’t kidnap you!”
Ah, that laugh. How he missed hearing it, even over the boom of the sparklers.
The pretty little bird was back and quite surprisingly Gyutaro discovered he could still feel after all: relief and…affection for you.
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fairyniceyeah · 2 months ago
Text
💎🍚A silent war we never wanted (Part 2/3)
Title from SOS (SEVENTEEN)
A silent war we never wanted I
Summary: All it took was a frozen monitor, a panicked maknae and about five delayed clicks to delete a whole song on his computer. Jihoon is already so scared and unwell and now he needs to write a whole new song to give to the executives in an impossible time-frame.
CW: emeto, insecurity, fights, idol mistreatment, forced emeto
Sickie/Whumpee: Woozi/Jihoon
Caretaker(s): Bumzu + S.Coups/Seungcheol + Jeonghan
Five minutes later, Seungcheol arrived, a manager and Seungkwan and Hoshi in his wake. Their dorm’s maknae was carrying a cup of tea, a fever thermometer and a tray of ice chips, with Hoshi holding a hot water bottle and some meds. 
Jihoon really didn’t deserve them.
“Hey, kiddo”, Seungcheol greeted, ushering Jeonghan to move over and sitting in his place. “How are you?”
Jihoon didn’t even need to answer, Jeonghan did it for him. “Queasy and headachey. He said he threw up before coming home from the company. I don’t think he has a fever but thanks for bringing the thermometer.”
Within seconds Seungcheol had placed the thermometer under Jihoon’s tongue and was carding his hand through Jihoon’s hair. Hoshi handed Jeonghan the hot water bottle that he placed against Jihoon’s stomach and the meds, the tea and the ice chips were placed on Jihoon’s bedside table.
In any other situation the fussing might have been nice - Jihoon needing some TLC at times too - but that day it was the worst that could happen. Already the guilt was eating him up. Everybody had dropped everything for him and he was misusing it. 
Seungcheol seemed to sense his emotional state even if not knowing the reason for it and ordered Hoshi and Seungkwan out, which helped a bit. The thermometer beeped.
“37.8°C”, Seungcheol read.
“That’s not a fever”, the manager interjected, “Woozi-ssi, do you think you can work today?”
Why was the most hard-ass manager on duty today? Their normal manager, who was on a trip with his family at the moment, would have taken one look at Jihoon and ordered him to rest. Jihoon had not been prepared to fight this fight.
But again, Jeonghan interjected for him. “Manager-nim, I am sorry, but no. Jihoonie is resting today. You know we’re not supposed to work when sick. He threw up and it is an elevated temperature.”
Seungcheol nodded in agreement. “I won’t let Jihoon work today. We can do the meeting without him and he is very much on track with practice. He can afford to miss a day or two.”
The manager frowned. “Still he doesn’t have a fever. He only said he threw up, nobody saw, right? Are we even sure he is really sick and not just wants to skip the meeting?”
A shiver wrecked Jihoon’s body.
With all the planning he had done and the worries he had, he had never even entertained the thought of somebody finding out or thinking he was faking. What would the members think of him? They’d be disgusted with him, think he was lazy. How could they ever trust him again if they knew?
He felt sick at the thought.
So he did the only thing he could think of to save himself, to save his reputation. 
Jihoon slapped a hand over his mouth, faking a gag, and pushed himself up. It was sudden enough for the two hyungs and the manager to not stop him when he rushed from the room, faking choked coughs.
Slamming his bedroom door as well as the bathroom door behind himself shut, bought him enough time to stick his finger down his throat. His gag reflex was very weak on a good day and it didn’t take much to turn the fake gagging into real gagging. Vomit spilled over his hand into the toilet and he coughed harshly, choking on it a bit. 
He managed to pull his hand away so that it just looked like he had thrown up in it, not caused himself to throw up, before Seungcheol and Jeonghan pulled open the door. Seungcheol immediately dropped down beside him and brushed back Jihoon’s hair, while Jeonghan stayed back. 
Not much came up, considering that Jihoon hadn’t eaten since the early evening - covering his alibi of throwing up before - and he was soon done, sinking back against Seungcheol. His eyes were watering from the force of it all and then it hit him.
He had made himself vomit so he could fake sick and lie to his members. 
With a broken sob, he pulled his knees close and hugged himself, trying to keep his hand from dirtying his sleep shorts. Seungcheol pulled him away from the toilet, causing another sob to break through Jihoon’s defenses, and then Jeonghan tenderly started cleaning his hand. 
“Do you feel better now, Jihoonie?”, Jeonghan asked worriedly, using the back of the washcloth to wipe Jihoon’s face. Humiliated and overwhelmed, Jihoon nodded.
“Believe him now?”, Seungcheol asked sharply, looking up at the manager who was now standing in the bathroom door, Hoshi and Seungkwan, lured back by the activity, hovering behind him.
“Fine, he can stay home. Nobody else will, though. The meeting and practice is important.”
“But…”, Seungcheol started.
Trying to pull himself together, Jihoon took a deep breath, tapping Seungcheol’s arm to get his attention. “I can stay alone. I don’t mind.”
“Jihoonie, you’re really sick”, Jeonghan argued, getting hummed approval by the three other members. 
“Manager-nim is right. Today is important. I’m just going to sleep anyway”, Jihoon persisted. He was lucky he had the manager on “his side” now. He couldn’t risk a member staying back, foiling his plans. 
“Promise you’ll call if you need help?”, Seungcheol asked, sighing. He knew there was no point arguing with Jihoon.
“Promise”, Jihoon whispered.
💎
Twenty minutes later, he was at the dorm alone. The members had left rather reluctantly, fussing over him to an extreme extent. Jihoon knew it stemmed from love, which made him feel even worse deceiving them.
Jeonghan had promised to take notes for him and asked him about five times if he was really okay with being alone. Seungcheol had tried to get him to take some meds which Jihoon had managed to resist, so instead he forced Jihoon to hydrate with the tea Seungkwan had warmed up for him again. Hoshi had even tried to cuddle him despite Jihoon pointing out he could be contagious. In the end the dance leader had contended himself with feeding Jihoon some of the ice chips himself. 
Jihoon waited about fifteen minutes until they had left before getting up to get ready to go to the company, in case somebody had forgotten something and came back. When everything seemed clear, he put on some comfy sweatpants and a hoodie, quickly brushing his hair and teeth. Then he ordered a taxi. 
With every minute that brought him closer to the company his hands started to sweat more and more. His nerves were blank, scared he would meet somebody on his way in. He went so far as to stop the taxi driver a block earlier so nobody saw a car arriving. Then he sneaked into the building by using the old fire door that was mostly used as a smoker’s exit close to the universe factory. The hallway down there was empty, with Bumzu still on vacation, yet Jihoon could only breathe better once he locked the studio door behind himself.
💎
Five hours later Woozi was ready to cry. He had barely made any progress with the song, only finishing a few bars but not even having any idea what it was supposed to be about and unable to recall any of the deleted or think of new lyrics.
Along with his frustration and fear, the headache rose to new levels, coming close but not quite to a migraine pain. The fried nerves had turned into a very real stomach ache, though he also hadn’t eaten in nearly twenty hours and also thought it could be hunger if not for the nausea that was hell-bent on making him even more miserable.
It really wasn’t his week.
Every minute that he wasted on empty thoughts brought him closer to failure. Brought the group closer to failure. 
Yet no matter how much he wanted to be productive, his body didn’t cooperate. Writer’s block was the worst and coupled with anxiety over the deadline he was brought to despair. 
He needed to calm down, Woozi knew that. The worry didn’t help him at all. He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands, palms pressing into his eye sockets.
“Jihoonie?”
At the sudden calling of his name, Woozi jerked upright, nearly losing his balance and just barely not slipping from the swivel chair as a result. Whirling around he was faced with Bumzu, who was looking at him with the same surprise that he probably had on his own face. 
Fuck.
Bumzu was supposed to be on vacation.
“What are you doing here?”, they asked simultaneously. 
Bumzu held up his hand and said: “Sorry, eomma, I’ll call you back later.” Only then did Jihoon realize that the older producer had been on the phone, which he now pocketed.
“You’re supposed to be on vacation”, Jihoon stuttered out.
“I forgot I still have an usb-drive with all the backup files that I needed to bring back before we leave to visit my halmeoni”, Bumzu explained and stepped closer to sit on the other chair to face Jihoon. “What concerns me more is the fact that Coups told me that you are at home sick and puking and yet I find you here.”
Jihoon could only blink at the older producer for a moment, before whispering: “You have all the songs?”
As Bumzu nodded, confused, Jihoon couldn’t help it.
Tears filled his eyes and he sobbed in relief, hands coming up to hide his face. Even if the file was gone on his computer, Bumzu had a backup. He didn’t need to rewrite the song. He would not get yelled at tomorrow and be the reason why the comeback needed to be pushed back. 
He had slightly forgotten that he wasn’t alone, so Jihoon jumped in surprise when a hand came to rest on his shoulder and Bumzu asked worriedly: “Jihoonie? Why are you crying? What’s going on?”
Jihoon couldn’t find the words to answer, his tears draining the last of his energy. Bumzu sighed and pulled him into his arms, leaving Jihoon to sob against his mentor's shoulder.
💎
Jihoon cried himself to exhaustion, thankful to Bumzu who sat patiently with him, comforting him and offering sips of water once Jihoon managed to calm down.
“I’m sorry”, Jihoon whispered, gesturing at the wet patch on Bumzu’s shirt. It was the first words he could really think of. 
“Don’t worry about it. Just, Jihoonie, tell me what’s going on, please”, the older producer pleaded, worry obvious in his tone. “I’m really worried. This isn’t like you. Why are you here if you are sick?”
“I’m not sick”, Jihoon explained quietly, instantly getting interrupted.
“As I said, Coups told me you threw up. I’d classify that as being sick. Literally.”
Jihoon took a deep breath. “It’s a long story.”
He owed the truth to his friend.
Bumzu listened to him attentively, never once interrupting and gently holding Jihoon’s hand, rubbing circles with his thumb whenever Jihoon got too worked up. 
“You’ve really gone through it, huh?”, Bumzu commented when Jihoon was done. “I’m sorry I took the backup with me. You could have called, you know. And we definitely need to try to find a solution to deal with that executive, it’s not right that you are so scared. Making yourself throw up because you are so desperate and afraid … Jihoonie … you need to tell Seungcheol.”
Jihoon shrugged. He was so tired.
“We don’t have to solve that now. How about I ask Coups-yah to take you home? The song is done and so are you. I can’t take you home, I really need to get back to my eomma. I promise I won’t tell him you faked if you want to keep it secret. We can pretend you wanted to keep working.”
“Yeah, let’s do that.” Jihoon was too exhausted to care anymore.
💎
Bumzu had already left, letting Jihoon know where he had saved the songs, by the time the leader and the vice leader burst through the door. Both of them looked incredibly worried and Jihoon couldn’t even fault them for it. He was sure he looked like a mess, with red-rimmed eyes and oversized clothing. Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure at least the hoodie belonged to Soonyoung.
“Oh, baby”, Jeonghan cooed, rushing over to wrap Jihoon in his arms. Jihoon buried his face in Jeonghan’s chest, trying to contain his shaking. He didn’t want to keep lying.
“I thought you were done with the songs”, Jeonghan said quietly. 
Jihoon nodded. “I was. It’s … it’s a long story. I’m sorry I lied to you. I didn’t know what else to do.”
Seungcheol looked less than impressed as he mustered Jihoon, who shrunk under his glare. 
Instantly Seungcheol softened up a bit but his face remained in a rather stern look. “You can tell us at home. And explain to us why you went to work here when the songs were done. You have no reason to be here, you should have been at the meeting if you think you are able to work through this sickness. Are you even sick? I mean, you threw up but … I don’t want to believe it but … was the manager right? Did you just fake and hide out here to have a nice day?”
Jeonghan gave a protesting sound but it was drowned out by Jihoon bursting into sobs again. He couldn’t help it anymore. He didn’t want to lie to them again. Not when Seungcheol apparently already believed he had lied to them for his personal gain. But before he could say anything, explain himself, Jeonghan pulled away, a frown on his face. 
“Lee Jihoon, be honest: Are you sick?”, Jeonghan asked, eyes narrowed.
Jihoon shook his head. That was it. He opened his mouth to continue but …
“I … I can’t believe it”, Jeonghan huffed, his caring attitude instantly turning into anger and he took a step back. Jihoon couldn’t fault him for it. “You faked. You really faked. You made us worry, we made you tea and brought you ice chips and a hot water bottle and even unknowingly helped you lie to the manager … for what? I don’t get it.”
Seungcheol had his arms crossed, looking as intimidating as some fans and hobaes thought he was. “Me neither. What did you have to gain from lying to us? Your songs were done and so you thought you could skip the meeting and practice? You’re not just a producer you know, you’re an idol. Act like one and show up to the more unpleasant parts. I never had expected this from you.”
Jihoon shrunk under their harsh words, feeling worse with every passing second. He had really fucked up. Why did they think so horribly of him? Didn’t they trust him? Would they ever trust him again? They just pushed away the fact that he had thrown up, which they seemingly had not even linked to faking, and yet they didn’t seem to care.
“Speak”, Jeonghan ordered, his voice carrying none of the kindness it had this morning. “Speak, Jihoon. Tell us what has been going on. Why you lied to us and made us do nice stuff for you when you are perfectly fine. Why you thought you could just skip out on your duties, the group’s duties. We don’t like meeting either, you know? Still we went there without complaints.”
But Jihoon was frozen. Every word his hyungs spat at him felt like knives twisting into his very being. What could he even say? No matter what he wanted to say to explain the situation like he had to Bumzu, it wouldn’t leave his lips.
“Jihoon, what were you doing? Bumzu said you were working on songs but you say you were done with them. Were you lying to him too?”
Finally Jihoon was able to speak. 
“I’m sorry”, he forced out but, of course, it was too late. The wrong question and the wrong answer.
“Let’s go home”, Seungcheol said, voice icy, “we will keep pretending you are sick. We can’t have the managers doubting other honestly sick members because of you.”
The ride home in Seungcheol’s car was tense and silent. Jihoon sat in the back behind Jeonghan, curled into himself. He could see how hard Seungcheol was gripping the steering wheel and that Jeonghan was trying not to cry. 
A silent war we never wanted III
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rat-n-atty · 3 months ago
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MEET MY SMG4 OC CLOVE!
(fucking finally)
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(Also a bit of a redesign since I kinda changed my style a bit lmao)
Meet Clove! (Enid) a 22-year-old "mad" scientist who has made the poor decision to be Smg3's assistant but who exactly is she? What's her lore? What are her goals? Why is she an Ex-villain? and all the other amazing questions you might have (or don't idk) will all be answered here!...hopefully...
"Enid Gadd" (Backstory)
Enid comes from a long line of talented and successful scientists (like her grandpa, E. Gadd more on that in a bit) but she was always seen as a black sheep of the family in short.
Ever since Enid could even talk, she has always aspired to be a great scientist just like her family but it seemed like everything she did, it meant nothing so she became E. Gadd's student when she was young (considering she was practically raised by the guy damn)
It seemed like everything Enid did though was still not enough for her parents so she said "fuck it" and decided to become someone else's assistant in hopes that she could be a better scientist than all of them and that is when Smg3 comes in...
"Clove" (assistant days)
Now, Bowser was a terrible assistant so Smg3 decided to get a new one instead so one day while Clove was just walking around the Mushroom Kingdom city; she saw a purple Mario recolor next to a stand on the side of the street with a sign that said LOOKING FOR AN EVIL ASSISTANT (WILL NOT GIVE VACATION DAYS) (why would look for one in broad daylight you dumb bitc-)
So she took her shot, lied to 3 about being "inherently evil" but she also added that she was pretty good at making bombs (which was also a half-truth) so she became Smg3's assistant from that day on.
She didn't really know what to expect at first and she thought that Smg3's main goal of being a villain at the time was kinda dumb but it was better than home so she stayed and she stayed for a long time.
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She eventually became evil and she got better at her inventions and her scientific studies all for the goal of ruling the world with Smg3 and telling her entire family (not including E. Gadd) to suck it...which now brings us to the YouTube Arc...
YouTube Arc (this is where shit goes down)
Smg3 and Clove had just started on their goals of making Snitch Productions but after Smg4 destroyed it all for no damn reason (like wtf man?) they wanted revenge and they wanted it bad (Smg3 more so than Clove)
So they came up with the anti-cast and got to work but after that failed Clove said "fuck it" and started her own projects again but she found out about the YouTube remote while she was doing her research ("The World's Cursed and definitely Powerful Objects that would destroy the world if laid on the wrong hands" (great title I know) ) So they all came up with the plan to steal it.
Things had started to take a toll after they had successfully stolen the Remote per sae because now Smg3 was drunk with power to the point where it was kinda concerning Clove a bit and this is the part where Clove found out Smg3's true intentions of using the YouTube remote; It was so much more than taking over Smg4's channel, it was deleting Smg4's and his crew's entire existence. Clove knew it was too much, even for 3 but she kept quiet about her conflicting feelings (but put a pin in this later )
A big-time skip later where Clove had actually caught Mario trying to steal Smg3's phone (to hopefully get everyone out of the graveyard, you probably watched the Arc lmao) but she betrayed Smg3 by giving it to Mario anyway and freeing the entire cast out of the internet graveyard in order to stop Smg3; Everyone was confused why but they didn't ask.
WOTFI 2020 (redemption arc begins)
The final battle was here and after Clove was revealed to be a traitor and helping the Smg4 crew, it's no wonder that Smg3 lost but he was never expecting his assistant, no...someone closest to him like a friend to betray him like that.
Since Clove was the only one who really knew how to work the remote (and she was the one who had it in her hands at the time) she was the one who sent Smg3 to the Internet Graveyard for the greater good of everybody else but now that 3 was gone...she felt like she had no meaning...no purpose anymore...
After she had gotten forgiveness from Susan, Smg4 offered Clove to stay with the rest of them at the castle but she declined and said she would just lock herself up in her lab instead.
Clove's lore goes on for ages...so I'll have to make a part 2
BI GUYS!
(update: there is a part 2)
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sorcerous-caress · 1 year ago
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👉👈 uhm could you maybe release a snippet of those fics? Please? 🥺
I’ve deleted and rewritten this ask like 5 times because I’ve never in my life requested smut let alone something like… well that.
-The Ex-Lurker
Anon I am very sorry to inform you that these snippest are as real as santa. I never work on more than one or two fics at a time. And even when I do, i immediately post them the second they're finished.
There is no easter bunny, no queen of England and no Shadowheart degradation snippets.
I have requests for Shadowheart degrading people that i plan on posting after I actually write them, which I have not.
Instead, have this piece I've written just for you as an apology for leading you on <3 i will do it again.
Shadowheart degrades you
[ Smut, degradation, overstimulation, nb!reader, Dom!shadowheart ]
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The sound of your voice was all you could hear in the room, raw, breathless, and needy. Hearing the desperation in your own moans made you close your eyes in embarrassment.
"What's wrong?" Shadowheart's soft voice came from above you. Her hand went down to caress your head on her lap.
You choked on your own reply, your body squirming and twitching as yet another orgasm was forced out of you. Her hand between your thighs now drenched with your cum.
"Is it too much for your brain? Is that what this is about?" She didn't even give you a moment to rest before hand started moving again, the same brutal pace that she's been forcing onto you for an hour.
"If only you could see how pathetic you look right now." She didn't take her eyes off of your fucked out face on her lap, she seemed to revel in making you feel that burning shame of being watched.
She still had all of her clothes on, not a hair out of place, while you laid naked below her. She didn't even break a sweat while she continuously toyed and abused your most intimate areas into overstimulation.
"Just how many times did you make a mess already, and you're still cumming?" She stopped overstimulating you long enough to give the inside of your thighs a light slap, making your body jump as a loud whine escaped you.
She laughed, she was laughing at you.
Immediately, you felt yourself getting pushed to the edge of another orgasm, so fast too, you were really losing your mind.
"That pretty head of yours will probably be empty by the time I'm done with you." She caressed your head again, "you won't have any other purpose after. You'll be completely useless."
You were so close, you didn't care about your dignity anymore. You just wanted relief.
"Maybe I should invite all of our friends here, give them front row seats to your little show." She let you grind against her hand, cooing and chuckling as you made another mess, covering the insides of your thighs in your own cum.
But she didn't stop, instead, her hand went back to the same brutal pace if not faster.
The pleasure was too intense. It became too much and borderline painful. Your cries were ignored by Shadowheart as you begged and pleaded for a rest.
"A bitch in heat, that's what you are." The hand on your head pulled your hair in a painful grip as she brought your head closer to her face.
Her hand never stopped, you were full on crying from the burning pleasure. You couldn't control yourself, you couldn't control your voice and you couldn't stop from cumming endlessly on her hand. This was your punishment for overindulgence.
Isn't it her job to cleanse people of their sins as a cleric? Then consider this your atonement for being the whore that you are. For all the lust filled thoughts clouding your brain.
"Say, thank you." Her hold tightned on your hair, "thank me for treating you like you deserve to be treated, and I might let go."
Your nerves were on fire. You barely registered your own words as you thanked her as loudly as you can between your cries. Thanking her for giving a dirty pathetic whore like you the chance to repent and get cleansed.
Both hand let go of you, you head was dropped back into her lap.
"Turn around." She looked at you in disgust, "ass up, face down."
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dykephan · 3 months ago
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my thoughts re: how did dan and phil kiss in october and still not start dating until december? from @omatone-dnp's post here :)
i'm sorry in advance for how much forbidden material i'm bringing up here, i feel bad about it which is why i'm putting it under the cut so i can delete this if i want to
so obviously we know they talked online & on skype for months before they decided to meet up in person, and they were heavyyy on the flirting. but we also know that these online spaces were the only places dan and phil were able to be 100% openly queer, so it's natural that they both put on a persona to some extent. this was the time for them to explore who they were & who they wanted to be. dan says he assumed phil would be this super confident smooth guy but then he was awkward and dorky irl, and it was kind of the reverse for phil about dan.
phil might have felt a lot of pressure to be a good example considering he was older, he was someone dan liked on youtube, and phil was one of, if not the first, gay man dan had met. but phil didn't have much romantic experience (...his heart had never done the flippy over thing..............) so i can imagine he felt even more scared of screwing things up. we know he was super nervous the day they met and that he didn't make the first move. i think he wanted to leave that to dan because 1. he didn't know if dan actually liked him or if he was just confused, and 2. he wanted to go at dan's pace for the reasons i mentioned above. we also know that phil had a hard time verbalizing his emotions / understanding them, so he might have wanted to go slower on the romance front too, so he could have time to process everything. he talked quite a bit about how he didn't know where he wanted to go in his life, feeling lost without being in school anymore, and that his family was pressuring him to sort his life out. that's a lot to deal with all at once and adding a serious relationship on top of that can be hard.
for dan, i think the early days were more about finding inner confidence in himself than they were about purposely forming a long term relationship. phil is the one who encouraged dan to make youtube videos, which he'd dreamed about but never thought he would be good enough. phil made him feel safer than he'd felt since he was a tiny child. he introduced him to other queer people and then to his family, who welcomed dan with love (though we don't know how much they actually knew at the time). it was more than just romantic!! it was something dan really needed! :(
at this time, both of them were constantly talking about how they're trying to figure out what to do with their lives, with dan being in his gap year and phil being fresh out of college. it was a transitional period for both of them in very different ways. they weren't even sure if they were going to meet irl, they kept going back and forth about the train tickets for a few months before dan finally bought one. i think as soon as he bought it, he decided he was going to shoot his shot and worry about everything else later.
also, dan was in a relationship with his girlfriend for 3 years, and while we don't know when or how they broke up, he has some tweets indicating that they were still together in 2009 when he began talking to phil online, or at least that dan was still conflicted about the breakup. let me clarify that i'm not saying dan cheated, none of us have any idea what happened and it seems more like their relationship came to a natural conclusion when she moved away for uni, along with all of dan's irl friends which he talked about frequently. i'm more so bringing this up because it marks a shift in how dan talked about love and relationships.
for example, all of these tweets happened in october 2009, right before he met up with phil:
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but fast forward to THAT week in december and dan has a completely different perspective on love:
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this is the main reason why december makes so much more sense to me as their anniversary. october was about taking a leap of faith even though both of them were afraid of getting it wrong. november was about testing the waters and figuring out how they could logistically make things work, while they were building their bond. december was about finally letting go of all those fears in the pursuit of a happier future for both of them ;-;
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writingquestionsanswered · 10 months ago
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how should i go about writing if i keep deleting and restarting everything I have every few minutes ??
The first thing to do is figure out why you feel the need to delete. Here are some things to consider...
1 - Do you know what you're trying to write? It's easy to imagine a writer as sitting down at the keyboard with an empty mind, and then--like turning on a faucet--a story simply flows out of them. But that's not really how writing works. Even the most organic writer sits down with a premise in mind, not to mention a basic grasp of how stories work--or at least they type of story they want to tell. If you sit down without these things and try to write a story, you're pretty much just snatching random ideas out of the air and hoping they take root, and it can be really hard to write a story that way. The solution is to spend some time learning about how stories work, then spend some time thinking up a premise, characters, and a story goal.
2 - Do you need a more solid plan? Not all writers can sit down with only a premise, characters, and story goal and create a story from that. Some of us need to do more planning. Some of us need to do a lot more planning. If you're trying to write a novelette/novella/novel, you might take a look at some different story structure templates to get an idea of the kind of structure that would work well for the story you want to tell. Story structure templates can be a helpful guide in figuring out what beats you need to hit, and you can use elements from different ones. Whatever works for your story. You might also consider doing a plot summary, timeline, scene list, scene cards, or any number of other things to help plan and plot your story.
3 - Are you focusing too much on quality? To (badly) paraphrase Ira Glass, the thing that got you into writing in the first place is your taste... you have good taste in stories, and you know what makes a story good. But if you're just starting out, or if you don't have a large volume of work under your belt, what you're putting out is probably not as good as you want it to be. That can be really, really frustrating, because we know what kind of writing we want to put out there, but when we feel like it's not happening, we want to backspace over it all. The thing is, though, writing is a craft. Like any other craft, the only way to get better at it is to practice, and practice means cranking out the less good stuff and accepting that it's a necessary part of the journey. If dancers watched the choreography for a performance one time and instantly did it perfectly, there would be no such thing as dance practice. If people took one piano lesson and could play a perfect concerto, we wouldn't have piano lessons or practice. So, even when the writing doesn't feel as good as you want it to be--or maybe feels downright awful--you have to push past the urge to backspace over it and get caught up on quality. You have to keep writing forward. And hey... editing and revision exists because there's always room to take the "rough draft" and make it better.
4 - Are you letting yourself get distracted? Few things make writing more difficult than distractions. If you know how stories work, know your premise, have done the planning you need to do, and aren't stressing about quality, but you still find yourself backspacing and starting over every few minutes, it could be due to distractions. If your phone is buzzing every minute, your sister is playing loud music in her room across the hall, the neighbor's dog is barking up a storm, or you can't stop thinking about something that happened at work--those interruptions are going jam up your momentum, and when you're constantly jerking to a stop like that, frustration makes you cranky and you're liable to backspace over something even if it's not a problem. So, if you can, try to eliminate distractions as much as possible when you sit down to write.
5 - Other possibilities... Even if none of the above situations seem to fit, it's still worth taking some time to consider what else might be going on. Can you find a pattern in what you're deleting and why? If you dig deep, and you maybe figure out what the issue is? What are some potential solutions?
I hope something here will help you get to where you're moving forward with your writing again.
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katnissdoesnotfollowback · 7 months ago
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kdnfb's Ten Years of Fanfiction Mania
Featuring: Unmasked
Summary: Written under an Anonymous pseudonym ~M~ to fill the following prompt ~ Historical Katniss and Peeta hate each other. They attend a masquerade ball and for some reason end up kissing each other. Sparks fly everywhere. Katniss tries to find the man behind the mask but Peeta knows it was Katniss though he doesnt say anything. They end up bethrothed even if they 'despise' each other. How they fall in love is up to u and how katniss figured out it was peeta is up to u
Rating: E for explicit sexual content, explicit language, implied/referenced rape/nonconsensual (not everlark), implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced suicide, implied/referenced miscarriage, discussions of illness, war, and injury in a historical setting, ptsd, minor character death. They worst of these tags happens offscreen and is merely discussed and dealt with rather than shown here.
A/N: ~Unmasked~ is my longest fic in terms of word count (around 234k), although Outside Chance and Spellbound are not too far behind and are both incomplete. Unmasked started as something meant to be fun and cathartic, then turned into a ridiculously long and self indulgent fic that I still, to this day, have no idea if the anonymous person who submitted the prompt to @everlarkficexchange even read, let alone whether or not they liked it. But I love what I produced for this fic.
Why write it anonymously and only reveal myself later? A couple reasons. 1) Historical is not my wheel house. At least not writing it. I am a shameless consumer of historical romances. I did some research for this fic but not nearly the level I would've liked to have done. Eventually, I said screw it, it's about the vibes not the accuracy. 2) I had a pile of unfinished wips when I started this, to include Outside Chance and Spellbound (both of which are still unfinished hmmmmm) and I really didn't want a lot of questions about when I was going to get back to those while I was working on this because 3) I'd just gone through a small slice of writerly hell to the point that I seriously considered deleting my entire tumblr and all of my fanfic. Details are not important right now, the result is. That's probably the closest I've ever come to calling myself done with fandom.
Then this prompt posted to EFE and wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually, I decided that if I was going to write it, I wanted to write it with as little pressure as possible. So I chose to write and post it as ~M~ until it was finished. Plus, I thought it might make it fun for people other than me if there was a bit of mystery behind it. And I don't regret doing that.
Writing behind a mask allowed me to be as long winded and self-indulgent as I wanted to without worrying about how tight the storyline was or how accurate the historical details were, or wondering if I'd be walking into my tumblr and a barrage of the kind of messages I'd come to dread receiving. The only thing I worried about, really was if the amount and kind of smut I included gave me away prematurely lmao.
While this was my first real foray into the realm of historical fics, I am hoping it's not the last. I've got too many ideas and half started pieces to back out of it now. But those, like this one, will probably remain untethered to a specific real place, and a specific time, mainly because I just don't have that kind of time for research if I'm not getting paid to do it lol. They will be works of love if not works of accuracy.
Unmasked on AO3
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acerathia · 1 year ago
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The Apple of my Eye - Behind the Scenes
Summary:
While spending the summer at your grandparent’s place, an accident leads to a fateful encounter with Izuku. Yet you reject this first meeting, seeking to craft a proper first impression. Yes, but what happened behind the scenes of the making of this piece?
Pairing:
Midoriya Izuku / Reader (in the OG)
Wordcount: 2.9k
Read it on AO3 / The Apple of my Eye (OG)
Note:
I just thought it might be fun to write some outtakes and compile the scenes, which didn't make the final cut to the fic, enjoy <3 (also, would be so cool if u checked the OG fic lol)
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Outtakes
“Ow, are these apples real?” his voice sounds and you look down at him, a pained expression on his face.
“Oh, no, did I actually hit you?” you clamper down, a giggle evident in your voice.
He supports you as you take a small leap onto the ground. “I thought it was supposed to? I just thought the apples weren’t real…” he answers, his hand rubbing against the tender spot.
You laugh as you carefully pat his hand on that spot. “Izuku, of course it’s going to be a real apple, this is a real tree. Why else would we be doing this outside?”
He simply shrugs with a small pout.
“C’mon, we gotta start over,” you pat his cheek softly, an encouraging smile on your lips, before you look into his eyes and press your lips together to avoid bursting into laughter again.
He puts his tongue out to you, before he begins walking away.
***
“Great take! The choking looked really good, we can move onto the next scene,” you hear the director as you croak one last cough.
“Thanks, but I actually choked,” you mumble, making eye contact with Izuku before bursting into laughter together.
While you both are recovering, still giggling here and there, an assistant hands you some water and asks you if you’re good.
“Yeah, I’m good. At least the realism of this scene cannot be refuted,” you grin as you sip from your water. “Izuku actually noticed and immediately switched up on me.”
“Hey, I was worried for you, but sure, make fun of the poor hero,” he grumbles, but there is a wobble in his voice that betrays his amusement.
Your grin only widens. “I mean, your acting is weak as it is, the realistic situation seemed to help, didn't it?”
He gapes at you, bumping his shoulder into yours. “Now you’re kicking a man already onto the ground.”
You take another sip of water and shove him with a giggle.
***
“Cut!”
You take a deep breath. “Fucking hell, Izuku, you’re going to kill me,” you whine and throw your head back.
“So, you think I should change my hairstyle?
“Shut up!”
***
“Look! It’s beautiful up there, I took pictures!” you wave your phone the moment you step out of the wheel.
“Aren’t you supposed to come out all sad?”
“Oh, fu–”
Deleted Scenes
“Hello! Should we go in?”, he asked and held the door open.
You nodded and went inside, asking him what kind of smoothie he’d like. With his preferred beverage, you went to the cashier to order your drinks, while he found you a place to sit outside. You thought you were going to sit inside, but maybe he noticed you enjoying the weather. You had to giggle at his thoughtfulness.
After the drinks were ready, you grabbed them and went looking for him. He was already sitting under a parasol, waving at you to get your attention. You immediately joined him, putting the drinks on the table before sitting down.
“Here we go. I’m glad you could make it.”, you said with a slight smile, trying not to get distracted by his brilliant and dazzling eyes and smile. It was difficult, especially considering that you didn’t meet since that event, but rather texted. You felt quite shy, almost like he was another person.
“Yeah, me too. To be honest I was quite nervous.”, he answered with a shy giggle, rubbing his neck and you had to control yourself not to squeal.
After some exchanged words you both started talking like you had been acquainted for some time. Even if you technically knew each other, it was different to talk in person. You noticed so many quirks about him, which made you like him more, not that you were ever going to tell him anyway. But you enjoyed his explanations, his analysis of whatever topic he started talking about. You just liked to listen to him being excited about his favorite things and you decided to do some research about the topics, making mental notes. And you couldn’t help but like the way he moved his scarred, calloused hands, almost like they were helping him with his explanations. Sometimes you would also tlak about your interests, and he always listened, never interrupted, even if he had something to say. Exchanging these topics you began to discuss different things at such a depth, you never had the same possibility with anyone else. He seemed to hold so much knowledge and you admired that a lot. He even knew about your major in university, almost as good as you did.
While enjoying this talk, you couldn’t help but feel guilty about the first time you saw him. The accident about the apple. You had the urge to tell him about your involvement, before you both got too deep into this. And with that before you got too deep into this between you. You could escape a crush, but even a tiny step more towards love? You would be heartbroken for the rest of your life.
So you took a deep breath. “Midoriya-kun, I need to tell you something… I’ve met you before that event at the stall… Even if it wasn’t really… meeting, more like… Uh… The day before, didn’t an apple fall onto your head?”, you stuttered, not having planned this at all. You then continued speaking when he slowly nodded, a furrow appearing between his eyebrows. His bottom lip slightly jutting out and you erred for a moment, getting distracted.
You shook your head to get yourself out of your daze. “Yes! Uhm, that was me… Sorry! I didn’t see you and… and just let the apple fall… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”, you apologized, bowing your head. “And… and I didn’t tell you earlier, because I- uh, I wanted you to like me, is that weird?”
A breath escaped you and you stared at the table in front of you. At least he could get mad and it was over, before you completely lost yourself. But he didn’t raise his voice or leave, no, rather he started giggling.
“Hm, I knew it was you. I looked up, you weren’t hidden that well. And, well, I approached you the day after with purpose too, so I guess we’re even?”, he smiled and cocked his head.
Your head snapped up and you looked at him, mouth opening and closing, before deciding on a ‘what?’.
“You were interesting, and I wanted to get to know you”, he shrugged and leaned back, his giggles directed at your shocked face.
You leaned forward and slapped his arm slightly. “That’s so mean! Do you know how much I thought about that?”, you pouted while softly slapping him over and over again.
He just gave you a broad grin and took your hand into his. “Yeah? You already paid for that smoothie. How about I compensate you? Join me for the summer festival.”
His suggestion felt like a punch to the face, to the gut, a punch in general. He was a boxer and you were nothing but that training equipment he regularly beat. And for some reason you didn’t mind, as long as he gave you that brilliant, beautiful smile, you would agree with anything he said. So you nodded, feeling his thumb rubbing against your skin.
And suddenly the warmth was gone and he was clapping his hands together. “Awesome!”
After that he acted like he didn’t just manipulate you into agreeing (who were you kidding, you would have agreed even if he hated you guts). You both deviated into other topics, finishing your drinks. And even if your glasses were finished, you both remained at your seats, increasing the word count with every minute.
You both only noticed the time passing when the shopkeeper had to remind you of their closing time in fifteen minutes. You both immediately apologized, leaving the table and bringing the glasses back to the front desk.
Looking at the time you decided to go home, not wanting to say goodbye but having to. It seemed like he didn’t want the day to be over just yet, as he suggested walking you home. It was getting dark and there were no lamps on the streets, couldn’t have you walking on your own. And you agreed, excited to talk to him some more.
And maybe you took the long way back and maybe he knew, and maybe you both walked as slow as possible, but none of you spoke about it and none of you cared. So you let the evening welcome the night and before you knew it, you were looking at the clear sky with him at your side. He seemed to know a lot about constellations too, so he started showing them to you, sometimes stepping closer to make it more accurate. And you liked his warmth by your side and the brushes of your hands, and your heart was beating inside you, you were afraid he could hear it, if he stepped any closer.
You almost cursed the moment the cottage came into your sight, but you reminded yourself to maybe ask him on any star seeing soon. After your date at the summer festival maybe. You thought he would like that. Maybe. And maybe you were thinking too much and getting too much into it.
You bid him goodbye, wanting to hug him, but realizing that you both weren’t at that stage yet. So you just waved and waited until the night swallowed him to go inside.
***
And despite your attempts of avoiding villains and fights, it seemed like such situations were a normal occurrence, and unavoidable. You cursed your company and their choices. But with every fight you learned more about this hero-culture, and it resembled the celebrity culture in the early 21st century in the US. With polls, merch and websites. You even stumbled across fanfiction, and you had to admit, these were quite enjoyable.
You also discovered who that Deku was. The current number one hero. Which was weird, because every time you encountered him when in crossfire, he seemed to fumble a lot. Were all heroes like this? You had wondered. But no, the other heroes seemed more confident, one even yelled at you. Despite your lack in the language, you could recognize the signs of curses, and you were about to deck him, but you weren’t there on vacation. If you were, he would at least have a bruise somewhere before they could put you in a police car. But alas, you needed to keep the company image intact.
So you minded your own business. Or at least you tried to. This place seemed to hate you, because how else were you supposed to explain your current situation?
You just were craving some kind of chocolate, and decided to leave the house to go to the next convenience store. And you found the exact stuff you needed to settle in front of your laptop with a good movie, and maybe you bought more than just chocolate, but nobody had to know. And you were so excited for your relaxed night, you didn’t notice the people sneaking up behind you, or they used some kind of quirk, you weren’t quite sure. The thing was, you fainted, for some reason, effectively losing your food to the harsh ground. And you only realized your loss after you woke up in a dark space, tied to a chair. You immediately cursed through the tissue inside of your mouth. You spent money on your food, and now the rats were having a feast. Were there any rats in this place? You weren’t sure, but someone else was enjoying your food, and you disliked the thought.
You started thrashing, trying to get whoever did this to you to notice you. And a person with some weird mask approached you, and assuming you did get kidnapped, he probably was a villain. He started talking to you, monologuing like an old school villain. How many movies do these people watch? This was getting ridiculous. After he finished, he pulled the knot out of your mouth, expecting some kind of coherent answer, something like ‘you won’t get away with this’ or ‘a hero will help me’. But you didn’t know what exactly he said in the first place, so you opened your mouth. And started to talk incoherently, just blurting all of your thoughts out, in every possible language you knew. And he didn’t seem to know any of them.
“No! Why… My food… I’m so hungry! Did I leave the stove on? Do I have a stove? I don’t remember… Uhhh, the company is at fault, shoulda gotten myself any kind of insurance, this sucks…”, you just said, and you didn’t stop talking, until he put the tissue back into your mouth, trying to choke your voice out, but you continued talking, or just making random noises, just to mess with him.
You started to think he was regretting this, and you hoped he would just let you go, when he left the room again. You got silent the moment the door closed behind him. There was no reason for you to look around and look for any possible exits, your joints were practically glued to the chair and you doubted you could free yourself without breaking some bones. And that would make you incapable of running. So the ideal case would be a hero arriving, the less ideal case would be you tricking him, in any possible way. And honestly, you wanted to avoid that, because if captured, it could mean a worse experience in this place.
And annoying him might just work well enough. But apparently not good enough, as he came back and began to build something in front of you, some kind of tripod and a camera- oh. He was holding you hostage, but you didn’t even know for what or why. There was no reason for anyone to hold you hostage, unless they were from another pharma company, but they shouldn’t even be aware of the current negotiations. You really hoped it wasn’t due to your carelessness, because the company will blame you and not help you in any case. Which sucked. But you had no other choice but to pull through. Somebody would do anything, at least your country, because you were a citizen.
Still didn’t make the situation better, especially when he turned the camera on and grabbed your head to pull it up, for some reason. You already were looking straight up, but you supposed he wanted some kind of power feeling or whatever.
He was monologuing again, this time into the camera. You just rolled your eyes and leaned back into your chair, staring at the ceiling and zoning out. How many times had you been kidnapped already? Too many times for sure, but usually it was connected to your work and usually the kidnapper was the concurrence, not some kind of villain.
He didn’t like the outcome or your reaction, why else would he punch your face? You bit on your tongue and you wanted to spit onto his shoes, but he still had you gagged. So you just gave him a disappointed stare, and he just went and turned the camera off. Maybe he was beginning to realize that you didn’t understand him, because he didn’t even address you anymore. He just left.
You were alone in a dimmed room. There was nothing for you to do but to make up some scenarios in your head, these fanfictions you read really influenced you. You would love to sleep, but you would rather not get a kink in your neck. That would be really uncomfortable when you would start working later on. Even if it would probably take awhile for someone to actually get you.
Or so you thought. Because it probably only took a couple of hours for someone to sneak through the door. You had to blink a couple of times, because the number one hero was in front of you, and it was ridiculous, it was nothing but a kidnapping, they didn’t have to get someone like him involved. Unless the company demanded that, maybe they did. Well, no matter how it happened, he was releasing you from the ropes. You rubbed your joints to get some circulation back and immediately walked to the door, telling the hero you were ready to go. He probably hadn’t expected anyone to adjust like that, but time wasn’t on your side and you would rather be gone before the villain notices.
Outtakes of deleted scenes
“Yes! Uhm, that was me… Sorry! I didn’t see you and… and just let the apple fall… I didn’t mean to hurt you.” “That’s a lie, you saw me! And you didn’t tell me it was a real apple!” he raises his voice with accusation.
“I cannot believe you would blame me for your own incompetence! Who would go to an apple tree and NOT expect real apples?” you counter immediately.
For a moment you both just glare at each other before bursting into laughter.
“Why did you go off script?” you ask with a sigh, yet the corners of your lips still wobble dangerously.
“I need to tell the truth, everyone needs to know what kind of person you are!”
***
“No! Why… My food… I’m so hungry! Did I leave the stove on? Do I have a stove? I don’t remember–,” you burst out laughing before you could finish your little monologue. “Sorry! Sorry! Why am I talking about stoves in the first place?”
The person in front of you doubles over and you can hear laughter from their direction too.
“I am hungry though, can someone feed me? I’m kind of in a situation right now, you know?”
You grin as more laughter sounds, looking around with expectation in your eyes.
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emryses · 25 days ago
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20 questions for fic writers
tagged by @mustlovesteve tysm!! i checked, and turns out i did this last november, too, so this will be a fun little comparison!
1. How many works do you have an AO3? 46!
2. What's your total AO3 word count? 512,645!!!!!
3. What fandoms do you write for?
main ones are dead boy detectives & stranger things (specifically steddie lbr) rn!
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
you looking at me, looking at you
run your fingers through my hair
you will never be unloved by me (you are too well tangled in my soul) -- i know this one is new!! dead boys ily.
eat me alive
when the party's over
5. Do you respond to comments?
yes! i try my very very best to respond to all of them, especially on newer fics. i usually fall behind on older fics/don't prioritize responding as much, but if there's one that is really kind/really touches me i always make a note to respond.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
i've written a lot of depressing shit for the merlin fandom. i think winter always turns to spring might be one of the saddest all around, though.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
my hairdresser!steve fics are the happiest/fluffiest things i've ever written. but most of my fics have a happy ending! i think maybe memoria has one of the happiest tho?
8. Do you get hate on fics?
not really. i got One troll comment on a fic a few months ago that i just deleted and blocked lol.
9. Do you write smut?
every once in a while! i don't feel i'm very good at it, so it takes me a loooong time to write it when i do.
10. Do you write crossovers?
not in the traditional sense of combining fandoms, but if my btvs au counts as a crossover then yes?
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not to my knowledge!
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
yes! winter always turns to spring was translated into portuguese!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
no but i've thrown around the idea with friends before (pax....mona....if u see this....hiiiiiii)
14. What's your all time favorite ship?
this is such a rude question tbqh !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm going to default back and say merthur, because they were the one and only and a constant in my life for so long. (steddie and payneland make me so fucking crazy tho)
15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
there is a steddie wip called "tightly hidden fists" i started in LITERALLY july 2022. it's still sitting in my google docs at 20k+ and i'm starting to doubt if i'll ever finish it. i keep considering signing up for a round of a steddie bang or something but i'm scared to do that to myself again lmfao.
16. What are your writing strengths?
i think i'm very good at dialogue, and getting The Voice of the character down. those things are usually what come to me first when i'm writing.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
for lack of a better word...filler? transitionary bits of fic. i overuse phrases/words like a madman, i also think i am a victim of trying to be too flowery when i can just, like, tone it the fuck down. are those weaknesses????
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
if it's easily translatable sentences (short and sweet, nothing too complicated) i put in the language in italics. (like, bonjour.) but frankly, i tend to avoid putting other languages in my fics. i don't often need to, and since i don't speak any language other than english i don't want to butcher anything if i can help it.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
probably the peter pan self insert i wrote many times between the ages of like 8-12.
20. Favorite fics you've written?
fields of gold mention. my love letter to bbcm. i'm also very proud of memoria, my 2023 steddie bang.
low pressure tags for @queerofthedagger @insane-ohwhyfandoms @wolfiery @babyseraphim
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