#i definitely. got cared away talking about how mike got abby into his care | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rockcampfifteen · 4 years ago

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How I Got to Sesame Street: Bill Sherman Talks Working with Lin-Manuel Miranda, Where He Keeps His Grammys, and Being Ignored by Big Bird

I didn’t think that Rock and Roll Camp XV was even going to happen this year, if I’m being honest, but nothing about this year has been predictable, so here we are. A dozen campers and about as many counselors in a Zoom meeting. We made it work, and it worked well. Since camp wasn’t a physical, in-the-moment experience, there wasn’t a lot of opportunity for photos or camper interviews, but we did get the chance to interview Bill Sherman, an Emmy, Tony, and Grammy award winning musician. Bill has worked on musicals like Hamilton and In the Heights and is a music director for Sesame Street. He was laid-back, down-to-earth, and didn’t give any impression that he was full of himself. Bill didn’t act like most award-winning musicians and talked openly about his life and experiences. He mentioned that he had been stuck in traffic, and that he was worried he’d be late for our interview. We knew that he was taking us seriously, that he didn’t just see us as a bunch of kids wanting to have a talk.

-Elsa

Elsa: I just want to say we appreciate you taking the time to talk to us. We’ve got a lot of questions, so we’ll jump right in. What was the first instrument you learned to play, and what attracted you to it?

My parents got me piano lessons when I was in elementary school, and I was super not into it. I believe the teacher’s name was Mrs. Record—which is hilarious for a music teacher’s name—and she taught me for a couple years, and I was terrible at it, so I quit. And then in fourth grade we had to pick an instrument, and the music teacher where I went to school was a woodwind player. He was like, “Bill you should play the clarinet.” I was like, “Okay, sounds great.” And then in sixth grade—this is a good story—he goes, “You know, the clarinet has the same mechanics and fingerings of saxophones,” and I was like, “No way, that sounds like a way cooler instrument than the freaking clarinet.” If any of you are clarinet players, I don’t mean to offend you. Also, I still play the clarinet. Anyway, he showed me the saxophone and I was immediately attracted to it. And when he left the room, I took the saxophone and left with it and I didn’t tell him. So I stole it. I took it home. And it became my thing. I was obsessed with it. My teacher’s name was Gary Meyer. He later went on to be my private saxophone teacher for like a hundred years, until I went to college, and now, he in fact works for me. He plays in the Sesame Street Band. He’s a woodwind player. So it was a pay-it-forward, full circle moment, to have my fourth grade music teacher be in my band.

I got really into jazz. I went to a real big jock high school, and I stopped playing sports and just played saxophone, all day every day, all the time. And in college it became my identity. Mike can attest—I was the saxophone guy. I led bands, and I played all the time… if you see movies about colleges, and there’s a music guy? I was kind of that guy.

I later taught myself to play piano—another full circle moment—because composing on the saxophone for anybody is a difficult thing to do. I have a number of guitars that I have no idea how to play.

Elsa, by the way, has your name become like the coolest ever since the whole Frozen situation? My kids would think that’s the coolest thing ever.

Elsa: Frozen came out when I was in about second grade, and of course I was so hyped for it. I went to a theater with a friend of mine, and afterwards I was like, “Oh, I was the Ice Queen, oh yeah!!” And of course you go back to elementary school, and everyone’s like, “Oh, you have ice powers,” and so pretty soon I was tired of that. But it’s kind of gone away. It went away for a few years, and people stopped associating it with my name. And then Frozen 2 came out and here we are again—

(Bill Laughs.)

Michael: I have a question for you, Bill.

Okay, Mike. Does everybody know that Mike used to be this amazing trumpet player, and he was in my band, and he wrote for the band, and he packed this unbelievable punch, and he was like this tall, and he was this awesome powerhouse, and truth be told... I don’t know if he knows this, but in certain theory classes I would cheat off him, because he had a way better ear than I did.

Michael: I wasn’t going to bring it up, but I do think it’s hilarious that I was better at theory than you. But so anyway, in the band, you were the only one really bringing in your own songs—so I’m wondering where the urge and the confidence to start writing your own material came from?

In high school I wrote poems, and then my senior year of high school, I wrote this instrumental thing and I played it at my graduation. All the people who thought I was a nerd for being into music, they stood up and clapped and I thought that was so freaking cool. That was my first move into composing. And in college it was just kind of what we did. It just seemed like how hard can it be? You start breaking down pop tunes… at that time, we were kind of doing jam band, Ozomatli tunes, four chords and the truth. And you find that pop music in general is four chords and the truth. Like the Foo Fighters: they play four chords really quietly, and then the same four chords way louder, that’s just what they do, and it’s awesome, and it works every time.

The other thing about writing music is that it’s very hard to know if you’re quote unquote “good at it.” I’ve written thousands of songs, and I’d say 75% of them are terrible. But 25% of them people really dig into, and then you wonder, Why this song? Like for Sesame Street, I get very immediate feedback. My friends who have kids, they’ll immediately let me know, This is the song. I wrote this song for Maren Morris on Sesame Street called “Oops, Whoops, Wait, Aha” which is about children calming down, waiting to answer a question, not just like going crazy, and people will send me photos or videos of their kids dancing along to this particular tune, which is great. But that’s the first time in four years that anybody’s contacted me, and in those four years I’ve written hundred of songs that nobody cares about. And so, if you get a good one every four years, that’s great. Songwriting is like anything, you’ve gotta try it, and then you try it some more.

The other best way to do things that are creative and original is to at first emulate people. That’s what we were doing—Mike and I in our band in college. I liked Salif Keita, and I liked Fela Kuti, and I was like, I can write a song like this. We wrote songs that sounded, almost exactly like Fela Kuti tunes. It’s not really original, it definitely sounds like something you’ve heard before, but that’s how you learn how to do it. Study the craft, how other people did it.

Marilla: On Sesame Street, how do you write thousands of songs and not make them all sound the same?

That’s a really good question. I have in fact repeated myself a number of times. I was working on another show a couple years ago, and I wrote this song, and it was great, and they loved it, and then a year and a half later I sent them another song, and they got back to me and were like, “Hey, sorry to say this, but I’m pretty sure this is this,” and they sent me back the song I’d written previously, and it was almost the same exact song, and it was so freaking embarrassing. But I’ve talked with Max Martin about this, and what he does is collaborate. Invite people in. Not to steal their knowledge, but he constantly has new people coming into his fold, because I think you’re right, after a while you just start repeating yourself.

The fun thing about Sesame Street is that it can be any genre. Nothing is genre specific. I can write a hip hop tune one day. And a bossanova the next day. And a ballad another day... One of my favorite things about Sesame Street is that we’re able to bring on new people to keep it interesting and fresh. I’ve been employing more women lately, because there was a time when my writing staff was really male-heavy. Also, Abby is a girl, Rosita is a girl, we need to have that voice. Lately my job at Sesame Street has become more of being like a procurer of music, as opposed to physically writing it—more of like a producer role. People send me stuff all the time. Feel free to get my email from Mike if you have songs you want me to listen to... I will listen to anything.

Lyla: Do you have any advice for younger people—or people in general—when it comes to writing and creating music?

My advice would be to not give up. Not everyone is going to like your stuff. There’s just no way. It’s not gonna happen. It’s a lot of work to be a songwriter, because you’ll write 100 songs, and 98 of them will be terrible, and two of them will be great.

My first couple years in college, I got asked to be in like 100 bands, and I said yes to everyone. Because initially, you have to say yes to everything. You have to play in a crappy cover band. And you have to play in a cool band like we were in, and you have to play in a funk band, because everybody plays in a funk band in college, and then you get to a point where you turn a corner, and then you can start saying no. I didn’t start saying no until five years ago.

Lyla: Another question I have is that you mentioned you used to play in a lot of bands in college, and earlier you mentioned playing at your senior year graduation—did you ever think you would come this far, working with Lin-Manuel Miranda, and writing big musical pieces? Did you ever expect to earn awards or anything?

Well, no. I don’t think you ever expect awards. Success is a whole other thing—you can’t prepare yourself for things like that, it just sort of happens. In the process of saying yes to everything, I got myself into positions that I never would have expected. But when we were in college, all I wanted was to be a saxophone player, and move to New York, and make no money, and just sort of grind it out, and then I met Lin my sophomore year of college. I music directed his musical. And I had never music directed a musical, I had no idea what that meant, but I said yes. And I went on to direct all of his musicals in college, and then we graduated college, and we were roommates forever, and then it was like, “Hey, people want to make In the Heights into something,” and I was like, “Okay, that seems like the most logical thing to be doing,” so we made In the Heights…

I got involved in musicals just randomly, because I said yes to something. I’d never liked musicals. I’d seen Rent, with the original cast, but I’d never listened to Sondheim, or Andrew Lloyd Webber…

But the success thing, it all happened very quickly. Between the ages of 22 and 26. In those four years, it was like marriage, children, awards. I wasn’t expecting any of that stuff.

People come over to my house and pose with my awards, which makes me really uncomfortable, and then one person drank out of the Grammy once... that happened. I have a platinum record in my bathroom. I didn’t know where else to put it.

Elsa: Have you ever thought about writing your own musical?

It’s weird to go from writing minute and a half long songs that are like a single verse and a chorus, to writing these ten minute long opuses that have to have all this narrative in them, and do all this stuff—it’s definitely a different side of my brain. With & Juliet, it was taking Max Martin’s music and turning it into a musical. Deconstructing all these pop hits like “Oops I Did It Again.”

Marilla: How did it feel to see Hamilton on Disney Plus all these years after you worked on it?

It was far out. It was like seeing an old friend. It’s filmed really well, and you’re seeing views of things you’ve never seen before, it sounds fantastic… it just brought back a lot of old memories. Chris Jackson has been my best friend for like a hundred years, and so has Lin, and seeing them on stage, it was a reminder of how good they are… Now, years later, my children have memorized the record, they’re singing the whole thing, which is unbelievably irritating. My daughter—she thinks she knows the whole thing, but she really doesn’t, she just makes up her own lines during the really fast parts, which is really funny, and makes me laugh. I watched it the day it came out. It was a nice excuse to reach out to friends and tell them how good it is, how good they are.. And at a time when theaters are closed, it was cool to see people excited about seeing theater..

Lizzy: What’s your favorite thing to work on, out of all these different projects?

When we were in college, I thought being in a band was the coolest thing ever, and I wanted to play live music for my whole life, and I didn’t want to do anything else. And now I do other things, and all I want to do is play in a band in front of people! Once a year Sesame Street has a gala that some very famous person will come and play at. Last year it was John Legend, two years ago it was Michael Buble, and so there was this big band, and I played in it, and I had so much fun. I kind of miss performing. I play in this thing called Freestyle Love Supreme, which is this documentary that was on Hulu, we make up rap songs--and that’s fun, but I play keyboards, sort of behind the scenes, and so I sort of miss having a band, like we did in college. I’m getting all these memories, Mike, about WestCo Cafe.

These days my favorite thing is collaborating with new folks. We just finished the In the Heights movie, which comes out next year, Sesame Street goes into production in a couple weeks… I’ve been incredibly lucky and honored to do what I do, so talking about it always makes me feel sort of strange, because to me it’s just what I do, but to you it’s like, there’s no way that’s a real job, and explaining it sounds ridiculous, and I’m glad you wanted to listen to me talk about myself for half an hour.

Peter: What’s it like working with Big Bird?

Every day that I walk on to the Sesame Street set, I kind of have to pinch myself a little bit. The guy who played Big Bird passed away a couple years ago. He’s also the guy who played Oscar the Grouch, and he didn’t really know me for a couple years, and then I went to an award show, and I won an award, and he’s actually the guy who presented it to me, and so he hands me the award, and he goes, “Oh my God, I never knew what you did.” And so imagine Big Bird saying to you, “I never knew what you did.” And that was terrifying. Every time I hear Big Bird’s voice, or Kermit’s voice, or Grover --- it freaks me out, because I was a big Grover fan when I was a kid. Those are the times when you’re like, Whoa, this is surreal.

#pendleton #rock and roll camp #sesame street #hamilton #in the heights #lin manuel miranda

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neverending2012 · 8 years ago

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My Journey To You Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

SUMMARY: Mercedes comes home from vacation and enjoys visiting with Stacey and Aunt Josephine and reuniting with her family; Finn continues to mend his relationship with Matt and Lucy

RATING: Mature

WARNING: Mild cursing, sexual situations; depressing themes

HEAR THAT VOICE AGAIN

Mercedes' phone rang at 5:00 in the morning. It was Sam. She answered the phone.

"Hi sweetie," she said.

"Sorry to call so early."

"It's fine. I was awake"

"I woke up and got your text and had to hear your voice."

Mercedes wiped tears from her eyes.

"Sam," she said.

"Are you crying?"

"Yes."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I love you, that's all."

"I have a feeling there's more to it than that."

"I'm ok. Really. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Missing you though."

"And the kids?"

"They're good, but they miss you too; in fact, they're here in bed with me."

"Why?"

"We were watching movies and they fell asleep and I was too tired to take them to their rooms."

Mercedes could picture Abby, Rosy, and Jake all snuggled up next to their father in the king-sized bed, and it warmed her heart.

"I'm surprised you got any sleep."

"It wasn't so bad."

"Give them a kiss for me"

"I will."

"When will Aunt Josephine and Stacey get there?"

"Later on today."

Mercedes leaned back on the mountain of pillows behind her.

"Thank you again for my vacation."

"You're welcome. I hope you're enjoying yourself."

"I am."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes, we're having fun."

"Good."

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Abby has swim lessons at noon. Her suit is in the dryer."

"Ok. Anything else?"

"If Rosy wants her Mickey Mouse doll, it's on the windowsill of their room."

"Baby I –"

"Oh, and Jake's Cookie Monster slippers are underneath his crib, I found them before we left."

"Thanks, baby. I love you."

"I love you too."

Sam yawned and Mercedes heard Rosy's little voice in the background.

"Pa?"

"Go back to sleep," he whispered.

"I'll let you go," Mercedes said.

Next she heard Jake's voice and Abby asked if it was Mommy on the phone and then the kids wanted to talk to her and it was sweet chaos and after she spoke to them and Sam finally had the phone again he said:

"Schätzchen, keep having a good time. Everything is fine here at home."

"I plan to."

"Ok, baby, see you soon. I love you."

"Love you!" the kids said in the background and Sam told them to keep their voices down.

"Bye, Sam, I love you too."

After the call, a few seconds later, Sam sent her a picture of him and the kids cuddled together on the bed, in their pajamas, with huge smiles. Sam had sheet imprints on his cheek and tousled bedhead, Rosy's hair was a wild curly bush, Jake had a gold star sticker on his chin, and Mercedes could only wonder how it got there, and Abby wore her hot pink satin nightcap. Sam's arm was around Abby, and her head was on his shoulder. Jake sat on her lap and Rosy was on Sam's lap. The early morning light shined on them, all golden and pure. She stared at the picture for a long time and kissed the screen; her family was beautiful, and that photo meant more to her than any of the expensive professional photos with fixed poses and coached smiles; because this photo came from Sam's heart and she felt the love in the picture. She was blessed.

GIRL TALK

Tina woke up with a hangover. She spent half the morning nauseated and vomiting in the toilet, but when the worst was over, Mercedes ordered a pot of strong black coffee; warm croissants with butter and strawberry jam, and had the concierge send a copy of the New York Times to their room. Tina curled up in bed, her hair in a messy ponytail, and her skin pallid. When Mercedes wheeled the cart into the room, she said:

"Hey, Miss Thing, I have a surprise for you."

Tina sat up, smiling a little.

"You do?"

Mercedes stepped back from the cart, lifted the lid on the platter and spread her arms.

"Voila!"

Tina looked at the silver platter filled with her favorite breakfast. She laughed out loud.

"You remembered! You even got the Times!"

"Yes, and one more thing."

Mercedes turned on her iPod and Can We Talk by Tevin Campbell began to play.

"Welcome to the nineties," she said as Tevin's tenor voice drifted into the room.

Tina opened her arms.

"Come here."

The two hugged.

"You're the best. Thank you."

"You're very welcome. I also left a bottle of Excederin in your bathroom, in case you need it."

"Thank you. Come sit down. Let's talk."

Mercedes sat next to her on the bed and Tina grabbed a croissant from the platter and nibbled it.

"I heard you talking on the phone earlier."

"Sorry, I thought my voice was low."

"Don't worry it was. I'm just a light sleeper."

"Sam called me."

"Is everything ok?"

Mercedes leaned against her, laying her head on her shoulder. They both wore the oversized gold bathrobes provided by the hotel.

"I sent him a text last night and he wanted to thank me for it."

"What did it say?"

"I'm the luckiest woman in the world. I love you."

Tina gave her a sideways glance.

"That's nice, sappy, and totally out of left field… tell me what's going on."

Mercedes sighed.

"Nothing gets passed you, does it?"

Tina took a bite of her croissant, licking the strawberry jam from her fingers.

"I know you, Mercedes. Does this have anything to do with why you disappeared on me last night?"

"I ran into Puck."

Tina stared at her and spoke with her mouth full.

"The Puck?"

"Yes."

"How the hell are you just now mentioning this?"

"Calm down, you were drunk. Besides, nothing happened. It just made me realize how much I love Sam."

Tina raised her eyebrows.

"Nothing happened?"

"Ok, he said he loved me."

"That's definitely not nothing."

"I told him I was happily married."

"Burn that dress."

"No way. I want Sam to see me in it."

"Well, after he sees you. Burn it."

"I don't think my dress is bad luck."

Tina sat up a little more and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"I do. It could get you in trouble."

"Only if I want to be in trouble. I'm glad I saw him. I finally got a chance to say good-bye."

"Are you going to tell Sam?"

"I don't know. Would you tell Mike?"

"Maybe. It depends. Mike can be all Zen about stuff and then he can also get all caveman when he wants to."

"I'll think about it. What do you want to do today?"

Tina dumped sugar into her coffee.

"I booked us at the spa downstairs."

"What time?"

"Our appointment is at noon. We're getting massages, facials, manicures, pedicures and sea algae treatment wraps.

"Sounds fancy and expensive."

Tina she stirred her coffee and took a sip.

"Don't worry about it. Cooper and LaTonya are footing the bill."

"They are?"

"Yep. I found out when I booked the appointment. The receptionist said that the Andersons will pay for all food and services at the hotel this week."

"I knew about the food but the spa too… this is too much."

"Enjoy it. You deserve it. I think this is their way of saying thank you for being so supportive and good friends to them."

"Cooper does have a special relationship with Abby and they understand each other. He really came through for us during that Karofsky crisis. And though I haven't known LaTonya very long, I think she's a great person."

"I say don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"I second that."

"That's the spirit."

The Tevin Campbell song ended and SWV's Weak began to play.

Tina hummed along to the music.

"I love this song."

"Me too," Mercedes said, "I love this vacation."

"Yeah," Tina said, smiling at her, "I do too."

FRIENDLY ADVICE

"Here, grease and flour this pan," Aunt Josephine said to Hiram as she handed him the tube pan, "I want to get started on the cake batter."

It was early Wednesday morning. Everyone else was asleep except for Hiram, Aunt Josephine and Sean, who were in the kitchen drinking coffee and talking. It rained outside and gray skies loomed overhead. As much as she enjoyed finding fault with people, Aunt Josephine had become rather fond of Hiram and Sean and they liked her in return.

"What kind of cake are you making?" He said.

with an orange glaze."

"I've never had that before."

Aunt Josephine glanced at him while plugged in the bright red tilt-head stand mixer.

"It's delicious. And you better not eat it all. This cake is for me. I've got a big sweet tooth."

Sean stirred his coffee and yawned.

"My grandmother used to make us chocolate chip shortbread every Christmas, that was our favorite family treat."

"Ours was Banoffee pie," Hiram said as he greased the tube pan for the cake, "My mum would make it for us on our birthday or a special occasion."

"My mama never baked much," Aunt Josephine said, "But I had a great aunt who would make this cake for us on Thanksgiving and I learned how to make it," she said and opened the cupboard, "Oh, here's the vanilla and almond extracts." She took out the two small brown bottles and placed them on the counter next to the stick of softened butter. Then she looked at Sean.

"Could you preheat the oven to 300 degrees?"

"Sure," he said, getting up from the table.

"Thanks," she said as she unwrapped the butter and slid it into the mixing bowl, "I hope this rain lets up, it's so nasty out."

Hiram sprinkled a handful of flour into the tube pan and tapped the sides of the pan, coating it with the flour.

"Maybe we can take the kids to the movies. I'm glad Booba had all of her appointments yesterday."

"Rachel told me about some hair care products I could use to help my heat damaged ends. That gal sure knows a lot about black hair."

"She used to spend summers with her cousins and she liked doing their hair," Hiram said, "Thank you for keeping her company while everyone was out yesterday."

"It's no problem at all. I enjoy talking to her. Such a sweet girl," Aunt Josephine said. She then turned on the mixer, and added, "She has a good heart."

Tears filled her eyes. She quickly wiped them away on the sleeve of her bathrobe and watched the silver beaters spin around the bowl, mixing the pale yellow butter. She gradually added three cups sugar.

Hiram set the tube pan on the table.

"We're blessed to have her," he said, reaching for Sean's hand.

Aunt Josephine nodded, looking away from them, avoiding their eyes that most certainly had tears in them too and gazed out the window into backyard. After a while she said:

"You raised a kind and brave woman. I admire that."

She turned the mixer back on, and began to add the eggs, "I know there's been tension in the house recently and I have some advice for you even though you didn't ask for it."

Sean raised his eyebrows.

"Come again?"

"That stuff between Finn and Rachel."

"Oh, I see," Sean said.

"What's your advice?" Hiram said.

She looked over her shoulder.

"Let me finish this first."

After she added the remaining ingredients, and mixed the batter, she joined them at the table. She held their hands; her smooth, brown fingers with bright purple glitter polished nails, wrapped around their rougher, masculine hands and squeezed them tight.

"Lucy is having a hard time of it. Matt is too."

Sean sighed.

"We're doing our best."

"I know. And this may sound crazy, but I'm going to say it anyway. Forget about forgiving Finn, you may never forgive him, and that's ok. But for the family's sake, stop judging and criticizing him. I lost some years with Mercedes because I judged Shane for what he did, and it cost me. But you have a chance to make amends. He loves his family a lot. Do I think he's an asshole for what he did? I sure as hell do, but I know there's something bigger here. If the kids see you move toward a truce, it may help them heal faster."

Hiram kissed her cheek.

"We'll try. You have an interesting approach to forgiveness."

"I'm being realistic. I think sometimes people force others to feel things that they don't and shame them for it. I ain't about that life. I'm all for dealing with things in your own way. I'm not saying you should stew or anything but, hell, nobody can change your heart but you, and if it happens it happens, and if it doesn't it doesn't, just keep moving and doing the best you can." She rose from the table and took the tube pan with her. She poured the cake batter into the pan, put it in the oven and sat down again.

"You're good people and I don't want you to make the same mistake I did."

Sean hugged her.

"You're a treasure, Josephine."

"Don't I know it?" she said, laughing in agreement.

FAMILY, CAKE, AND LOVE

Abby woke up to the aroma of Million Dollar Pound Cake. She got out of bed, put on her bathrobe, and went downstairs to the kitchen and found Aunt Josephine drizzling the big yellow pound cake with an orange glaze. She pursed her lips.

"Now, Abby, you better not eat all my cake," she said, "My sweet tooth got the best of me this morning."

Abby smiled. She knew Aunt Josephine made that cake because everyone loved it. Especially Abby. She hugged her.

"You made it for me."

"Hush child, getting a big head, aren't we?"

Abby looked up at her.

"My head is the same size as it always is."

"Is it now?"

"Yes."

"Go on and get the plates from the cupboards."

As she got the plates, everyone else came downstairs: Stacey carried Rosy on her hip and Sam carried Jake. Aunt Josephine gave everyone huge pieces of the moist, yellow cake, dense and buttery with a smooth velvet texture, and drizzled with the sweet orange glaze. She gave empty warnings to them to not eat all of "her cake," which of course they paid no attention to. The unexpected treat made the dull, rainy morning special. The only time Abby had that cake was when her aunt would make it.

Matt took a bite of cake.

"Thank you making it for us. It's good."

"Now, mister who says it's for you," she said with mock sassiness, and he laughed. She poured him a glass of milk, "Make sure you finish that, Matty, don't want you having weak bones."

Aunt Josephine nicknamed Matt, Matty, though no one was sure why. But Matt didn't mind at all.

Rosy and Jake liked the cake too, and demolished their little pieces, crumbs and orange glaze covered their cheeks.

"This is the best damn cake," Stacey said as she took a bite.

Sam agreed with her.

"I know. She won't give me the recipe, but I'm working on it," he said, winking at Aunt Josephine.

"When the time is right, I'll give it to you."

"Famous last words."

"Hush up," She said and turned her attention to Finn, "Is Rachel still asleep?"

"Yeah, she won't be up for another hour or so. I'll save her some cake. I'm sure she'll like it."

Aunt Josephine nodded.

"Well everybody, I'm going upstairs to get prettied up. Load the dishwasher when you're finished."

"Are you going out today?" Abby asked.

Aunt Josephine smiled, lifted Abby's chin, and kissed her forehead.

"A woman doesn't need a reason to look her absolute best. She just does."

Then she went upstairs to make herself beautiful.

MURDER IN MY BEDROOM

"Do you think he looks like a real murder victim," Lucy said as she put more fake red blood on Matt's face. The blood was made of water, corn syrup, red, blue and green food coloring and flour. She got the recipe on the internet.

They were in Abby's room. The afternoon rain pattered on the roof and beat against the windows. Matt lay on the floor. Fake blood was on the white T-shirt he wore and he held a steak knife splattered with blood.

Abby narrowed her eyes.

"I guess… But if he's the murder victim, why is he holding the weapon?"

Lucy tilted her head to the side.

"Yeah, I see what you mean," she said and took the knife from him, "I wish we had some of that yellow police tape," she paused then said, "The chest wound looks good."

Abby nodded.

"It does."

The cavernous wound on Matt's chest was made from white glue, fake blood, skin tone make-up and toilet paper; it looked like someone had cut him open, and red blood oozed from the wound.

"Could you start taking the pictures?" Matt said, "I've been lying down here forever."

"Stop complaining," Lucy said, "It hasn't been that long."

"I'm hungry."

Abby picked up the digital camera from off her dresser and handed it to Lucy.

"Me too."

"See?" Matt said, "I'm not the only one."

Lucy aimed the camera at him.

"Close your eyes."

"Why can't I keep them open?"

"Because I don't want my murder victim to have his eyes open."

"People can die with their eyes open."

"True. And I want it to be creepy, but not that creepy."

Matt rolled his eyes and closed them, but not before he stuck out his tongue.

"I think you might win the contest," Abby said.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Lucy entered an online amateur make-up artist contest for kids 12-14. She decided the horror category would be the most fun and challenging; especially after seeing Granddad in an 80s teen horror movie that Rachel forbade them to see, but they sneaked and watched it anyway late one night; and Abby felt a little guilty about doing something bad, but she also enjoyed it too.

Suddenly they heard yelling coming from the backyard. It sounded like a child but not quite. Lucy put down the camera, and they went to the window, and to they're amazement, a cerulean peacock was in the backyard: it had a brilliant blue body and its feathers were blue and green. The peacock called out again.

"What's a peacock doing in our yard?" Matt said.

"This is weird," Lucy said.

Abby stared at the bird.

"Maybe he's lost."

Lucy glanced at her.

"From where?"

"The zoo?"

The peacock walked around the yard, making that strange birdcall, as they watched the bizarre scene, Stacey walked into the room, her hair pulled back in a wet ponytail; she smelled like ocean body wash.

Stacey joined them by the window.

"What's with the peacock?"

"Hey, Aunt Stacey," Lucy said, "We're trying to figure it out."

"It's loud as hell. I hope it doesn't wake up the twins. I just put them down for their nap."

"My face itches," Matt said, "Let's take the pictures so I can wash this stuff off."

Lucy turned away from the window

"Ok."

Stacey lifted his chin, inspecting his blood-splattered face.

"This looks real. You did a good job, Lucy."

"Thanks."

Lucy finished taking the pictures and Matt left the room to wash off the make-up while Stacey, Lucy, and Abby watched the peacock.

Abby tapped her fingers against the glass.

"I wonder how long it will stay?"

"Who knows?" Stacey said, "Come on, it's time for lunch."

They went downstairs to the kitchen where Aunt Josephine was stirring a big pot of tomato soup. She wore a hot pink velour tracksuit and her face was made up like she was going out on a date; her hair had reddish highlights and was in a mass of short, fluffy curls. Aunt Josephine smiled when she saw them enter the kitchen and Abby hugged her by the waist.

"Smells good."

Aunt Josephine bent down and kissed her cheek.

"The grilled cheese is warming in the oven. The soup is just about ready."

Abby and Lucy got plates and bowls out of the cupboard and set the kitchen table. By the time it was set, Matt came downstairs. Stacey blessed the food and while they ate, the peacock made odd human-like noises in the backyard. During lunch, Sam and Finn came home and they ate lunch with them, and said the peacock stupefied them too. Sam sat next to Abby and kissed her forehead.

"Aside from that crazy bird, anything else happen today?"

She bit into her grilled cheese sandwich.

"Matt was murdered in my bedroom."

"Oh, yeah the contest," he said, smiling at Lucy, "Good luck."

"Thanks, Uncle Sam."

Finn dipped his sandwich into the soup.

"I'd like to see the pictures. You're good with this make-up thing."

"Why did you have to do horror?" Aunt Josephine asked, "You children are too cute to be covered in blood, looking like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

Lucy laughed.

"Because horror is the hardest category. I wanted a challenge."

"That's a good attitude. But still, I don't know. Do something pretty."

"Like what?"

Aunt Josephine thought for a moment.

"Like Marie Antoinette. Powdered wigs and red lipstick. I love period pieces. Or something from the 1920s, you know like the flappers."

"Great Gatsby?"

"Now you're talking. Or Josephine Baker, I love her."

"She's the woman who wore the banana skirt," Lucy said.

"She did more than that. She broke racial barriers. I loved that she wasn't a maid or mammy. She could be black and a woman and hold onto her femininity. When I was a teenager, they used to show her movies at the public library; and I would watch them on Saturday afternoons. I used to want to go to Paris because of her. And I was named after her."

"Wow," Lucy said.

Abby was surprised.

"I didn't know you were named after Josephine Baker."

"My mama was a fan of hers. She said Josephine Baker made her see that black women did more than cook and clean in those days. Don't get me wrong, mama didn't get out much, or know a lot of history, but she knew about Josephine Baker and she knew about Paris."

Aunt Josephine put her arm around Abby.

"You know, sometimes, you remind me of my mama."

"I do?"

"You got her smile. And when you get stubborn and narrow those pretty eyes of yours, if you ain't the spitting image of Marvelette Spencer. She would've loved you and Mercedes," Aunt Josephine said. She stared at her with wistful eyes, "She would've been so proud of you both, just like I am."

Abby hugged her tight, smelling her Chanel No 5 perfume and the oil sheen spray she used on her hair, "Thank you."

Aunt Josephine rubbed her back.

"No need for thanks. It's the truth."

Abby forgot how much she missed her Aunt Josephine; it wasn't until she came to visit that she remembered how the tough, sweet woman always made her feel special with her family stories and doing little things like making Million Dollar Pound Cake early in the morning or listening to modern music which she didn't always care for; she listened to Matt's punk music, Lucy's pop music and Abby's soul music, giving critiques and sometimes she liked what she heard. Rosy and Jake loved her to bits, always clamoring to sit on her lap.

After lunch Finn and Sam went back to work, Aunt Josephine went to the living room to keep Rachel company, and Stacey, Abby, Matt and Lucy put on their rain coats and went outside to the backyard to look at the peacock up close and take pictures of it.

The backyard was a sodden mess. The peacock roamed about, making strange noises. They were able to get close to it, but not enough to touch it. The peacock stared at them; it didn't appear to be afraid only curious. Lucy and Abby snapped pictures with their phones.

"We should put out an ad asking if anyone has lost a peacock and check with the local zoos and wildlife reserves. I used to have a fan made of peacock feathers when I was a kid," Stacey said, "Let's go back inside. I hate standing in mud."

They followed her into the house, shaking the rain off of their coats and hanging them up in the laundry room o dry off. Then they went into the living room where Rachel was relaxed in the recliner and Aunt Josephine was on the couch folding two knitted blankets: one light pink and the other light blue.

Rachel pointed to the blankets,

"Look, I finished them."

Matt and Lucy looked at the blankets, and smiled but their voices were hollow.

"That's great, Mom," Lucy said, walking over to her and kissing her cheek.

Matt nodded and gave her a kiss too.

"Thank you. I'm glad you finished them."

"Aba and Pop are taking you three to the movies later on; they said they would be here by 4:00."

"They wanted to take Rosy and Jake too," Aunt Josephine said, "But I told them they were too young. Besides those two would probably be running up and down the aisles," she smiled, and set the blankets beside her; "They have a lot of energy and get into everything, but I love those little munchkins."

Stacey sat down on the love seat.

"Y'all should look online and see what's playing."

"What are you doing the rest of the afternoon?" Abby asked Aunt Josephine as she sat down beside her on the couch.

"I have plans with Stacey and Rachel."

"What plans?"

"We're going to watch an old Bette Davis movie called All About Eve," Rachel said, taking deep breaths as she spoke, her eyes shined, "I haven't seen that movie since Aba and Pop showed it to me when I was a kid."

Lucy sat on the arm of the recliner and held her mother's hand.

"Maybe Dad will watch it with you when he gets home."

"Maybe," Rachel said.

"I don't know if my brother could get into Bette Davis," Stacey said, "But there's no harm in asking him."

"We'll see," Rachel said.

Abby was looking forward to the movie; she liked Zaide and Granddad and they treated her like one of their own grandchildren. She wondered if it was because she and Matt and Lucy had grown so close; then she reasoned that it didn't matter why and she loved them nevertheless. They sat in the living room talking until Zaide and Granddad showed up to take them to the movies. Aunt Josephine told them to mind their manners and act like they had some sense; then she gave them all a hug and kiss good-bye.

SILENT RIFT

Stacey and Finn loaded the dishwasher together. She had made Finn's favorite childhood dinner of Sloppy Joes, tater tots, and corn on the cob, and for desert they had strawberry shortcake ice cream bars. Though she wasn't much of a cook, she knew how to make basic things and Finn appreciated that she remembered his favorite foods. Even Rachel had a few bites of a Sloppy Joe and said it reminded her of a grammar school cafeteria lunch. The rain stopped and the blue and green peacock sat up high in one the trees in the backyard, a majestic presence, watching over the house.

Finn put a plate in the dishwasher.

"Thanks for making dinner."

"My pleasure. I thought it would be nice to pretend like we were kids again."

"Yeah."

Stacy put a handful of silverware into the utensil tray.

"But now I need an adult drink."

"How about a beer?"

"That'll do."

They loaded the rest of the dishes and turned on the dishwasher. Finn got two bottles of beer out of the fridge and they sat down to the table, opened their beers and drank in silence for a while as the dishwasher hummed. The kitchen smelled like lemon detergent. Then Finn said something that weighed on his mind.

"Thanks for coming and helping out. I appreciate it. I know you're not used to this domestic stuff."

"I'm not completely hopeless."

Finn smiled and sipped his beer.

"I wasn't saying that you were… hey, can I ask you something?

"Shoot."

"Why did you stay away?"

Stacey looked at him for a moment, hesitating.

"I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to come. I've been traveling a lot."

"This is different."

"I know."

"Well?"

"I didn't want to see Rachel dying."

"Neither did Stevie and Kurt. They came anyway."

"I'm here now."

They drank in silence until Stacey said:

"There's another reason."

"What is it?"

"I couldn't face Matt and Lucy… or you."

"Why?"

"They're kids. What can I do for them during something like this? And after I found out about your affair, I was so disappointed in you. Then I realized all of you needed me. We're family and we've been through a lot. Despite everything, you're my big brother and I love you, and I plan on staying for as long as I can."

"You don't have to go back after next week?"

"No."

Finn hugged her.

"Thank you."

"Promise me something."

"What?"

"Spend as much time as you can with Matt and Lucy."

"I'm nobody's hero anymore."

"Let Rachel be the hero."

Finn looked at Stacey, tears glistened in his eyes. She pulled him close to her and he cried as she held him.

WELCOME HOME

When Mercedes came home from vacation, she felt rejuvenated. The children clamored for her attention and she hugged and kissed them and was grateful for the blessing of her family. They sat on the back porch, watched the peacock, played games or just talked. It was great visiting with Aunt Josephine and Stacey. She realized she missed them and enjoyed the time she spent with them. Unfortunately, Sam wasn't there when she got home because he and Finn had to deal with an issue with a house in Lexington; they got back in the late afternoon, and Mercedes was upstairs taking a nap. She woke up and found Sam kneeled by the bed.

He stroked her cheek and kissed her.

"Well, if it isn't my blue angel. Baby, you look gorgeous."

She wore her underwear, a blue satin bra and panties, her skin had a dark, rich glow to it because of the days she and Tina spent lounging by the pool, sipping cocktails, eating fancy appetizers and talking. Sam loved it when she tanned. He ran his calloused hand up and down her silky thigh.

He kissed her again.

"I missed you," he said, and before long she pulled him on top of her. They made out for a while. Mercedes liked it when he left passion marks on her neck, and rubbed against her. He smelled like wood polish and sawdust, the back of his neck was sweaty, and none of it mattered, because everything he did felt good, every touch and caress, was pleasurable. She wrapped her legs around him as he rutted against her.

"Need you," he whispered.

She nodded and he unzipped his jeans and slid off her panties. He thrust into her, pumping his hips. She arched her back, accepted all that he gave her; it was hard, quick, and fast, she needed him as much as he needed her and they clung to each other tight, and came in each other's arms. In the afterglow of the orgasm, the rippling currents flowed faintly between them; she lay still beneath him, felt his heart beat against hers; he was fully clothed except for his jeans and boxers shoved down past his waist, exposing his pale muscular buttocks in the warm afternoon sunshine; and she only wore her bra, her heavy breasts confined in the blue satin cups. He kissed her and gazed into her eyes.

"Now this is how I like to come home."

She brushed away the damp hair on his forehead and kissed him.

"I love you."

He nuzzled her neck,

"And I love you… You smell good."

"I do?"

"Are you wearing perfume?"

"No just body wash."

He kissed her neck.

"Well you smell damn good… why are you in your underwear?"

"I was hot."

"We can adjust the AC."

"No, Rachel is too fragile for it to be so cold. I'm ok and the ceiling fan helps."

"Are you sure?"

She kissed his freckled nose.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"I love your tan."

"Aunt Josephine said I was the color of molasses."

"I like molasses. But you're sweeter."

"So I've been told."

"You're beautiful."

"Thank you. So are you."

He smiled.

"Let's get cleaned up."

They showered and as they got dressed, Sam said:

"I have to pick up some supplies. I'll be back in about an hour."

She frowned.

"But you just got home."

"I know, baby, don't worry I won't be long," he said, "I promise."

"What do you want for dinner?"

"Let's play it by ear," he said, kissing her cheek, "See you later."

He quickly left the room; Mercedes was sad to see him go, but she got dressed and as she was about to leave the room to go downstairs, she noticed that a cream colored envelope had been slipped under the door. Her name was written across the front in calligraphy. She smiled and picked it up. This was like their invitation for their first date.

Mr. Samuel Hummel requests the pleasure of your company at

The Hummel Italian Feast

Today at Seven O'clock in the evening at the Blue Angel Bistro

Please wear something blue

Please RSVP before 6:00 today by calling your wonderful hot husband, Mr. Samuel Hummel

Mercedes laughed and called Sam.

"Hey, baby," he said.

"Ok, Sam, of course the answer is yes. What's going on?"

"You'll see. Be ready."

"Don't worry. I will."

"I'll be home soon Love you."

"Love you too."

She decided to wear her royal blue maxi dress with a sheer floral lace design on the skirt. She bought it at a boutique while on vacation. She fluffed out her hair in an Afro and pinned a blue rose hairpin on the left side. She decided to put on a bit of make-up: a little blush and red lipstick, and some eyeliner for her eyes. As she was putting on her sapphire heart locket that Sam gave her as surprise gift a few months ago, someone knocked on her door. She opened it and what she saw could only be described as adorable. Abby, Rosy and Jake stood before her smiling, and each of them held a single blue rose. Rosy and Abby wore matching blue sundresses and Jake wore a short-sleeved blue shirt and black shorts. Abby patted her little brother and sister on the head.

"Go on," she said.

They grinned at their mother and handed her the roses.

"Here," Jake said.

"Pretty," Abby said, touching the blue lace on Mercedes' dress.

"Thank you," she said to them, "All of you look very nice."

Abby gave her the rose.

"We're here to take you to the Blue Angel Bistro."

"Oh, I thought your father was coming to pick me up."

"Nope, come with us."

She gave each of her children a kiss on the cheek.

"Lead the way."

Abby took Jake and Rosy by the hand and they carefully walked down the stairs and went through the kitchen where Stacey and Aunt Josephine were unwrapping dishes of food. The aromas of tomato sauce, basil, and oregano filled the kitchen. Mercedes' stomach grumbled. She had not eaten since lunchtime and that was several hours ago. They wore blue linen dresses and smiled when they saw her, but kept working.

Aunt Josephine waved them away.

"Go on. Nothing to see here anyway."

When they got to the back porch, Matt and Lucy greeted them, dressed like waiters in blue shirts, black ties and black pants, each holding a blue rose and a menu. They handed her the roses.

"Welcome to the Blue Angel Bistro," Matt said, "Right this way please."

Mercedes gave them each a kiss on the forehead.

"Thank you."

They followed Matt and Lucy out to the back yard. Mercedes' eyes grew wide at how magical it looked. Twinkling blue lights were strung up in the trees, a round table covered with a white tablecloth and set for two with their finest china was near the burning gray stone fire pit. A blue pillar candle burned in the middle of the table in a glass candleholder. The sun sank into the horizon and the air grew cool, a breeze blew through the yard. A few feet away, the blue and green peacock added to the ambience as it roamed around.

Matt pulled out her chair, and Mercedes sat down. Lucy handed her a menu.

"This is what will be served this evening. Uncle Sam will be here soon. Would you like some water?"

"Yes, please."

Lucy poured her a glass of water, setting it in front of her. Mercedes smiled at her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Aunt Mercedes."

The twins wanted to chase the peacock, but Abby ran after them, saying they had to go back inside. They fussed a little, but obeyed their sister, as she took their pudgy hands and walked back to the house. When everyone left, Mercedes opened the menu.

BLUE ANGEL BISTRO

APPETIZERS

Abby's Amazing Fresh Mozzarella and Tomato Salad

Matt's Marvelous Minestrone

Lucy's Lavish Focaccia Di Recco

Rosy's Ravishing Stuffed Mushrooms

Jake's Jazzy Olives

ENTREES

Sam's Salivating Lasagna al Forno

Hiram's Heavenly Braised Beef Pappardelle

SIDE DISHES

Sean's Savory Sautéed Vegetables

Stacey's Sinful Sweet Corn with Bacon

Finn's Fabulous Grilled Asparagus

DRINKS

Rachel's Romantic Strawberry Italian Soda

Palazzo Della Torre

DESERTS

Aunt Josephine's Awesome Italian Cream Cake

Sam's Sexy Zeppole

Mercedes chuckled at the names of each dish; it was so sweet and adorable. She couldn't believe that everyone went to all this trouble for her, but she appreciated the thought and effort put into the dinner. Just as she closed the menu, Sam walked toward her; he held a dozen blue roses. He changed into black dress pants, a white shirt and a blue tie. He looked so handsome. When he got to the table, he leaned down and kissed her.

He handed her the bouquet and kissed her again before he sat down beside her and held her hand.

"You look stunning."

She blushed.

"Thank you."

"So what do you think of the Blue Angel Bistro, named after you I might add."

"Sam, this is just… I can't even begin to describe how generous and thoughtful all of this is but why?"

"I want you to know that I will never take anything we have for granted and I appreciate everything you do for our family. Not too many women would allow an entire family to move into their home. That's asking a lot and you handled everything beautifully. I'm so honored to be your husband and I love you."

Mercedes hugged him.

"Sam, I love you so much. Thank you."

"You're welcome, baby."

"How did you get all of this done?"

"We cooked yesterday at Hiram and Sean's place and stored everything there. Finn picked up the food this afternoon while we were uh... getting reacquainted," he said, and winked his eye as he kissed her cheek, "Anyway, all of the kids cooked their dishes. Even Rosy and Jake stirred the ingredients for theirs. We supervised everything. It was a lot of fun."

Mercedes squeezed his hand.

"It sounds like fun. Hey, where did you go earlier?"

"To pick up the wine. It wasn't at the local liquor store so I had to go to North Star to get it."

Matt and Lucy walked out into the yard with trays with small bowls of minestrone soup, plates of fresh mozzarella and tomato salad, and focaccia di recco. With Abby behind them, carrying tall glasses of Italian soda.

"Everything looks marvelous," Mercedes said, gazing at the food as they set it before her, "You children outdid yourselves."

"We hope you like it," Lucy said.

"I'm sure I will."

Abby set down the glasses of sparkling red soda.

"Here you are."

"Do you need anything else?" Matt asked them.

"No, we're good for now, thanks," Sam said.

The children left and Sam said grace.

"Lord, we thank you for all of our blessing and abundance. Amen."

"Amen," Mercedes said, she took sip of water and said:

"How did you get the idea to do this?"

"You told me that when you studied abroad in Italy during college that you ate some of the best food there. I thought we could sort of recapture your experience. You were so happy when you talked about it."

"Oh my God, I forgot that I even told you that. Do you remember everything I say?"

Sam's cheeks grew red.

"Well, not everything. I don't always remember to fix leaky faucets or pick up the dry cleaning. But I remember the stuff that makes you really happy or sad."

Mercedes was overcome with emotion when he said that and tears fell from her eyes.

"Thank you. I…," she paused searching for her words as the tears spilled onto her cheeks, "You know all my life, I've been in the background. Not in a bad way, it was just a comfortable space. I knew I was loved. But you… you celebrate me and that's the most wonderful thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you for taking me out of the background, and shining a spotlight on me. I never even knew I wanted that light, but now that I'm standing in it, I love it."

He gathered her in his arms as she cried.

"Schätzchen, shhh, there now, settle down, those better be happy tears."

"Yes, they're happy tears."

"Baby, why wouldn't I celebrate the best thing that ever happened to me? That was most definitely the day you showed up on my doorstep. That was the beginning of what we have right now, and you've made my life beyond wonderful. So yeah, I'll keep celebrating until my last breath… I love you."

She kissed him and wiped her eyes with the white cloth napkin.

"I love you too."

He touched her cheek.

"All better now?"

She nodded.

"Yes."

"Bon appetit."

They began to eat and everything was delicious: Abby's salad with shiny white balls of soft fresh mozzarella, sweet, juicy cherry tomatoes and fresh basil leaves tossed in balsamic vinaigrette and roasted garlic was divine; Matt's flavorful minestrone soup with beans, carrots, celery, onions and sage in a tasty broth reminded Mercedes of eating lunch at small restaurant in Rome, crowded with hungry college students; and Lucy's Focaccia Di Recco with the melted creamy white crescenza-stracchino cheese stuffed between the golden brown layers of Ligurian flatbread was almost as good as what she ate when she visited Liguria. Rachel's Italian soda sparkled with strawberry sweetness and the slices of fresh strawberries floating on top added a pleasant touch. She and Sam talked and ate, and kissed every now and then. It grew dark outside, a blue twilight settled over them. The firelight glowed and Mercedes felt happy and serene. Matt, Lucy, and Stacey returned with small plates of marinated olives and stuffed mushrooms, and cleared away the other dishes.

"Would you like some more soda?" Abby asked as she picked up a plate.

"Yes, thank you," Mercedes said, "And all of you, did a marvelous job with those appetizers, they were great."

Matt and Lucy blushed at her praise.

"Thank you, Aunt Mercedes," they said, and hugged her "But Granddad and Zaide helped us a lot."

"That doesn't matter. You still did a very good job."

"Thank you, Mommy." Abby said, hugging her as well.

"I second that," Sam said, smiling at all of them.

When they were gone again, Mercedes ate one of the olives; she closed her eyes, and savored the flavor of fresh rosemary, thyme, oregano and garlic that flooded her taste buds.

"Good?" Sam asked, grinning at her as he took an olive too.

"Excellent. Our son Jake is a culinary master."

Sam chuckled.

"Well, he was certainly good with stirring in the ingredients while Hiram dropped them in."

The stuffed mushrooms were scrumptious, filled with red peppers, onions, breadcrumbs and melted Parmesan cheese. Mercedes only allowed herself to have two.

"I'm saving room for the main course," she said.

Sam picked up another mushroom.

"I'm looking forward to Hiram's dish."

"I want your lasagna. I already know how good it is," she said.

Aunt Josephine and Stacey came out with the entrées, and Matt, Lucy and Abby brought the side dishes.

After they set down the plates, Stacey said to Mercedes:

"You'll have to tell me how you like my bacon and sweet corn."

"I will. I'm sure it's good."

"I made it, so of course it's good," Stacey said as she picked up the dirty dishes, "I'll bring out the wine in a bit."

"Call if you need us," Aunt Josephine said over her shoulder. And they walked back to the house.

Sam's lasagna al forno was as good as ever, brown and bubbly on top, with layers of spicy tomato sauce and melted mozzarella, parmasean and ricotta cheese between thick lasagna noodles; and Hiram's braised beef pappardelle was just like her Italian host mother's with succulent shredded beef chuck, rosemary, sage, salt and pepper in a wonderful red wine sauce with heavy cream and served over tender pappardelle pasta. Stacey brought out the wine and poured two glasses of the Allegrini Palazzo Della Torre, a dark red wine that was almost black and tasted like dried plums, cassis fruit, red cherry compote, huckleberries and a touch of chocolate; the wine's bouquet was rich and full with the scent of wild flowers, cocoa and coffee. Mercedes sipped it slowly and felt warm and tingly all over. While they ate the delicious food and drank the robust wine, as the stars shined above them and the candlelight illuminated their faces, Mercedes felt as if she were in the middle of a fantastic dream.

"I don't think I can eat desert," she said, sighing as she wiped her mouth with her napkin, "I'm officially stuffed."

Sam burped.

"Me too."

"You're worse than Matt," she said, leaning over and kissing him. He pulled her closer and the kissing grew intense, the flavors of red wine and tomato sauce lingered on their lips and Mercedes relished the kiss, his plump lips were a perfect match for her own lips and he eased in his tongue which, of course, was even better. They didn't stop until they heard someone behind them clear their throat. Mercedes pulled back from Sam and looked up, and saw Aunt Josephine shake her head at them:

"Do you want us to bring out the projector screen? Or are you two going upstairs?"

"Bring out the screen," Sam said.

"Ok, Finn will set it up."

"Thank you."

"What's the screen for?" Mercedes said.

"You'll see."

A few minutes later, Finn came out with the outdoor projector screen. He was in his work clothes and looked exhausted.

His appearance worried Mercedes and she patted his arm.

"Finn, are you ok?"

He smiled.

"I'm fine, just a little tired. Did you enjoy dinner?"

"Yes. Your asparagus was great."

"Thank you," he said as he set up the screen. Then Stacey came out with a laptop computer and portable projector, and set them on the table and removed the dirty dishes. Aunt Josephine brought the zeppole and Italian cream cake for dessert, even though Mercedes and Sam had no room left in their over stuffed stomachs for the decadent treats, they took a small bite of cake and it's smooth silky texture, sweet coconut and pecans and fluffy cream cheese frosting was rich and delectable; and the zeppole, which were delicious deep fried balls of dough, puffed up and golden brown, and sprinkled with powdered sugar, reminded Mercedes was of St. Joseph's Day in Rome. When she bit into the fried dessert, the flavor of the sweet powdered sugar and yeasty dough ball transported her back to the Roman celebration with street vendors selling zeppole on every corner.

After Finn put up the screen; he hooked up the laptop to the projector, turned it on, and went back to the house. A video began to play with a message on the screen: "To My Blue Angel, Mercedes, I love you, Sam."

Mercedes looked at Sam.

"Sam what did you –"

"Watch and see."

The opening segments showed everyone in Sean and Hiram's kitchen, cooking the food for her surprise feast. They waved to the camera, and said they hoped she enjoyed the meal. Then the next segments featured each family member in different locations as they spoke to the camera and told Mercedes how she made their life better and why they loved her.

Finn was first. He sat in his truck, the noonday sun shined behind him, and a red baseball cap sat low on his brow.

"Hi Mercedes. I remember the first day I met you. Abby wasn't talking then. You gave me a glass of lemonade and listened to me talk about my family and you were so kind; and I knew my brother had found somebody special, even if he didn't realize it yet. You made him a better man. I'm glad he married you. You've treated my family with so much love and kindness," Finn paused and wiped a few tears from his cheeks, "I can't thank you enough. Anyway, I'm not good at this mushy stuff, so I'm signing off now. You're a wonderful person and we all love you."

Mercedes couldn't stop the tears flowing down her cheeks. Sam kissed her.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she said, as she wiped her tears away and continued to watch the video.

Rachel was next. She was outside in the backyard underneath the oak tree, sat in the outdoor recliner; the peacock lurked behind her in the distance. A pink silk shawl was wrapped around her thin shoulders.

"Hello Mercedes. Thank you for being incredible. Thank you for the late night talks and the sister bond we share. Thank you for your beautiful voice, and generous heart, and for the love you give us every day. You've overcome so much and you have a gentle, caring spirit. You never treated me differently after I got cancer; I'm still Rachel in your eyes, and we gossip, and giggle like always, and I'm free with you. I admire you and I love you."

Matt and Lucy were next. They were in Lucy's room on her bed wearing pajamas, and they rested against a stack of big white pillows behind them.

"Hey, Aunt Mercedes," Lucy said and waved, "I hope you liked the food we cooked for you. You've been so good to us since we've been living here and I love you very much. You let me cry, get angry and be myself. Thank you for being an awesome aunt."

Matt waved. "Hi Aunt Mercedes. I think you're awesome too and I love you."

In the next segment, Hiram and Sean said a few words; they were in the living room of their condo, cuddled up on their couch.

Hiram spoke first: "Thank you for all you've done for our family; we're truly grateful. Your warmth and caring nature makes everything so much easier and you opened your home to us during a very difficult time. We love you."

Then Sean said: "Mercedes, I don't have much to add except to say that I love you; your kind heart has gotten us through many dark shadows. Thank you for your generosity of spirit, and for your ability to remain hopeful. You mean a lot to us."

They blew her a kiss and the scene faded, and then Stacey popped up next. She sat on the back porch in a white wicker rocking chair, a glass of lemonade in one hand and a blue silk fan in the other; her long blonde hair shined in the sun. She looked like a southern belle.

"Hello Mercedes, thank you for marrying Sam. I've never seen him so happy and fulfilled. You're an amazing woman, a devoted wife and wonderful mother. Thank you for being there for Finn and his family. I failed Finn when he needed me and I will make up for it. I love you're a Hummel. I love your humor and kindness. And I just plain love you."

Aunt Josephine was next. She was in the kitchen, sat at the table, her auburn highlighted curls were fluffed out around her head, her face was made-up, and reminded Mercedes of the women who worked at the Fashion Fair counter at Macy's. A red silk scarf was tied around her neck and she wore a white silk blouse.

"Well, Mercedes, I'm proud of how you turned out, and your mama and daddy would've been proud too. It was never easy for us but you've become a remarkable woman. Your children are so loved and Sam is fortunate to have you, just like I was fortunate to raise you. Our relationship taught me so much, even the rough stuff we went through. Spending time here in your home, and seeing the life you have makes me so happy. Thank you for making my life better. You're intelligent, beautiful and courageous, and you deserve everything you have and more. I love you very much."

Mercedes continued to cry as Sam rubbed her back; this was all too much but she appreciated every moment. The final segment featured Sam, Abby, Rosy and Jake; they were in the back yard, and sat on a red checked picnic blanket; it was sunny and brilliant outside like a postcard; everyone wore blue t-shirts and khaki shorts. Rosy and Jake were on Sam's lap and Abby was beside him, and his arm was around her. Rosy and Abby's hair was styled in a single Afro puff with a blue ribbon tied around it. Jake's hair blew in the breeze.

"Hi Ma!" Rosy and Jake said, waving at the camera and Jake did the same.

Abby waved too, her head on Sam's shoulder.

"Hi Mommy!"

"Hi, baby," Sam said and looked over at Abby, kissing her forehead:

"Go on," he said.

She nodded, smiling up at him.

"Ok, Papa," she said and looked back at the camera.

"I think you're the best mother in the world, and even though I don't always like what you tell me to do, I know it's because you love me. Thank you for showing me I'm beautiful and teaching me to love myself. And when Daddy died," she didn't speak for a moment, and blinked away her tears, "Thank you for letting me be silent because that's what I needed and for holding me at night and remembering him with me and for loving me through all the bad stuff. I'm grateful for this family I have with you, Papa, Rosy and Jake and I'm really happy. I love you, Mommy."

"My baby," Mercedes whispered.

Finally, Sam spoke.

"Hey, Schätzchen. We made this video because we wanted to show you just how much you mean to everyone in our family. I love our life together and I couldn't be married to a more wonderful woman than you. You've changed me for the better and gave me this beautiful family and life. You're my Blue Angel, I love you."

The video was over and Mercedes was speechless. Sam held her in his arms.

"Well?"

"That's the sweetest, kindest, greatest gift I've ever received. Thank you."

Sam wiped her face with a napkin and kissed her cheeks and lips.

"You're welcome."

LEATHER AND LACE

That night as a surprise for Sam, she wore the black faux leather and lace corset with a thong she bought on a shopping spree with Tina, and Sam took one look at her, whistled and ran his hands over the laced up back and massaged her flanks, smacked each cheek, and instructed her to get on all fours. He shifted the thong to the side and entered her from behind, and stroked her before exploding inside her and she shuddered through an intense orgasm.

After a few minutes of rest, he helped her lie on her back, admired the view of her full bosom bursting out of the leather and lace cups, and he got between her soft, plump thighs and thrust into her again, Mercedes had never felt so sexy in her life, the corset turned him on even more than she thought it would, and when they came again, she cried out in his arms, and he groaned through his release. Later, when he no longer wanted the leather barrier between them, he slowly untied the corset and slid it off of her, and her voluptuous body was on display. They made love all night, and he whispered how much he loved her as he stroked her, held her close, kissed her, worshipped her every limb because she was so precious to him, and it was passionate and sweet; adoration from strangers was nice, but nothing compared to the love Sam gave her.

The next morning, as the sun rose, they sat facing each other in bed, legs crossed, knees touching, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. As their breathing synchronized, Mercedes looked inside Sam, and saw the sparkle of his brilliant inner light; she squeezed his hands, loved how they swallowed hers whole and protected her. His eyes gleamed, and never strayed from hers, in that tranquil spot, they shared a special space and time, separate from the universe, away from the pain and grief that surrounded them, they practiced a silent appreciation and love: bare and vulnerable. Imagined or not, Mercedes heard his heart beat with her own, felt it too, and they connected as one soul.

Sam was so beautiful, and it wasn't his handsome exterior that was the source of her admiration and love, it was how much he opened his heart, he loved her through Pauline's betrayal and Abby's emotional darkness, he loved her when she folded the laundry and he would come up behind her, put his arms around her, kiss her neck, and tell her she was sexy even though she wore old sweats and a scarf on her head. He was the type of man that danced with her in the kitchen as they waited for the morning coffee to brew, stealing kisses as he hummed Betcha By Golly Wow and twirled her around. He rarely let go of her hand whenever they were out; and best of all, he gave her Rosy and Jake and became Abby's father. He made her an extravagant Italian meal and a video with the family telling her how much she was loved and valued and it stemmed from the memories she gave him of her summer in Italy, a story that she had forgotten she even mentioned but one that he remembered only because it made her happy.

I cherish you.

Sam understood, smiling.

They pressed their foreheads together, breathing deep. It was magical; they reached inside one another, and the essence of their true selves emerged, and they embraced the soulful beauty.

Sam loved reaching inside Mercedes. If he could stay with her in their universe, he would, soak up all of her love, wrap himself in it, but he would settle for these moments, prolong their time together for as long as he could. She was his blue angel; and her love was a privilege he was honored to have; she chose to be his wife; she could've had any man she wanted, and she chose him and that made him feel ten feet tall in his darkest moments. He loved how she would massage his lower back without him even asking her to do it; she saw the the pain in his face, and would kiss his cheek, tell him to strip and lie down on the bed and then her soft, sweet hands would knead his flesh, and she would praise him for what a good job he was doing on his latest project and then gently chastise him to take it easy to avoid injury. On the days he knew he couldn't make it home for lunch, she would pack it for him and slip in little love notes or candid pictures she took of herself and the children.

The notes would say something simple like I love you or they would tell him what a good husband and father he was. He saved every note and picture. She saw the best in him and never stopped challenging him and his love for her grew every day; he knew that sounded cliché but it was true, even when they fought, they never tore each other down, they tried their best to come together and resolve it.

At the end of the day, he loved to lie with her in bed completely nude, let his hands glide over her stretch-marked belly, and they would just talk and cuddle, sometimes kiss. They talked about everything from how their day went to what bills needed to be paid. And even during the silent pauses, it was comfortable, nothing was better than those nighttime conversations, under the covers in the blue darkness of their bedroom. He reached for her and held her to his heart, loved her with everything in him.

You are my heart and my world. I love you.

He knew she heard his words, and felt them in her heart. She pulled back from him, gazed into his eyes, and she placed her hand over his heart.

This is sacred. I love you.

He then placed his hand over her heart, nodded that he understood, and they felt the love and energy between them, until he embraced her once again, because she was his home and his everything.

FLYING HORSES

Later that morning, when she awoke, Sam had left for work, but there was a letter on the dresser for her.

Dear Mercedes,

I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation with Tina and your Blue Angel Bistro surprise. Damn, you're beautiful. Thank you for last night and this morning. I appreciate the life we've built together, our children, and our home. I love you. I hope you have a wonderful day. I'll see you soon.

Love,

Sam

Mercedes read the letter twice, smiling to herself as she went into the bathroom and took a long shower. Afterwards, she put on a long, yellow sundress and twisted her hair into a bun. She went downstairs and found Aunt Josephine in the kitchen feeding Jake and Rosy blueberry oatmeal; she was in her red bathrobe and slippers.

She glanced at Mercedes.

"Don't you look all bright eyed and bushy tailed."

"I got a good night's rest."

"I bet you did."

She smiled, her cheeks rosy.

"Aunt Josephine."

"What? It's true. Besides that man is crazy for you, I'm surprised you're up this early."

"I always get up at this time."

Jake held out his arms.

"Ma!"

Rosy talked through her mouth full of cereal.

"Ma!"

"Hush, Miss Rosy," Aunt Josephine said, gently admonishing the toddler, "you know better than to talk with your mouth full, now close it and chew."

Rosy obeyed and Jake whined. Mercedes gave each of them a kiss, and told them to calm down.

"I'm not going away again for a long time. Don't worry."

But this didn't appease them, so she sat down and Aunt Josephine placed them both in her lap and they hugged her tight.

"Ma," they said over and over again, their little hands touched her face.

"They're afraid you'll vanish," Aunt Josephine said.

"I'm right here," she said to them, "I missed you so much."

They nodded and hugged her again.

Jake looked up at her with his big dark eyes.

"Stay."

"I'm here."

He nodded, her answer satisfied him. Rosy smiled.

"Good."

She put them back in their high chairs and they continued to eat their oatmeal.

"Where are the kids?"

"Hiram and Sean took them to the Natural History museum to see a dinosaur exhibit."

"I forgot that was today."

"They'll be back this afternoon. And Stacey took Rachel to the doctor."

"Since that peacock is hanging around, we should buy it some birdseed."

"It likes grapes, at least that's what Abby said, cause it eats all the grapes she puts out. And Matty said it liked bread. I don't if we should be keeping that bird."

"It's not hurting anything. Did Stacey call the local Wildlife Reserve?"

"Yes, and they weren't familiar with it. And after posting on the Star Pride Facebook group page, nobody else knew where it came from either."

"Well it likes our yard."

Aunt Josephine nodded and wiped Rosy's mouth.

"It sure does. You really do look beautiful this morning."

Mercedes blushed.

"Thank you."

After the twins finished breakfast, Mercedes and Aunt Josephine got them dressed and they went to Petco and bought some Mazuri Game Bird Starter Feed, White Millet seeds, and Black Sunflower seeds. Mercedes also got a silver water trough, and a stainless steel trough feeder. Then they went to Star Pride Park to walk along the nature trail and get some sunshine. Together they pushed the double stroller and chatted. Aunt Josephine looked like old Hollywood glamour with her cat-eye sunglasses with diamond rhinestones and a vintage style sleeveless red dress with an A-line skirt. The twins loved being out at that park, especially when they stopped at the duck pond and threw some old crackers that Aunt Josephine had in her purse into the water and watched the mallards swim to the edge and gobble up the crumbs floating on the water's surface.

"Quack, quack," Rosy said, clapping her hands.

Jake pointed to the crumbs in the water.

"Eat," he said.

When they finished feeding the ducks, they put the twins back in the stroller and went to the picnic area. Mercedes unpacked their snacks of fresh fruit cups and veggie puffs and they ate at the picnic table while watching other families enjoying the day. Afterwards, they went home and Mercedes put the twins down for a nap, and joined Aunt Josephine in the living room. She sat next to her on the couch.

"Rosy and Jake should be asleep for a while, they got a lot of exercise," Mercedes said and stretched her arms.

"They're active. You were quiet. I remember you used to sit and play blocks for hours… you know I've been thinking a lot about things lately."

"Like what?"

"Just everything. What you went through as a child. How you turned out."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Depends on how you look at it. I wish I could've been there for you more."

Mercedes held her hand.

"I love my life, I wouldn't change a thing."

Aunt Josephine touched her cheek.

"When you were a little girl you always wanted me to read to you and bake cookies and have tea parties. But I had no time for that. At one point, I was working three jobs. And you were always alone, but you never complained. One day, I got home, dog-tired, it was 100 degrees outside and our AC was broken, I came into the house, all sweaty and dirty, you were on the couch, in front of the fan, I can still see your chubby little face, sweat rolling down your cheeks… and you were crying. You said to me: I just had a wonderful dream and I don't have anybody to tell it to. You were only 9 years old and already so lonely. It broke my heart in two. I asked you what you dreamed and you said it was about a flying horse in heaven. I told you to write down your dreams and I could read them later. You said it wasn't the same. I took my shower and then we went out for ice cream. I couldn't really afford it; but I had to do something. The next day I left for my shift at 5:00 in the morning as usual. After that you wrote down your dreams. I read them. And you were right; it wasn't the same. I regret not being able to be there when you woke up, to hear your voice, and watch your pretty face light up. Then you stopped writing them down."

"You did the best you could with what you had. I know that now. And I love you."

"I know you do, but Mercy, when you mourned Shane, and Abby couldn't talk, and when Karofsky followed you, I saw that little girl in your eyes; I'll never stop seeing her. I know I can't change the past. But spending time with Rachel makes me want to hold on to every moment I have with you and make up for what I missed out on when you were growing up."

Mercedes stood up.

"I'll be right back."

"Ok."

Mercedes left the living room and went upstairs to her bedroom. She went into the closet and turned on the light and stood on her tiptoes and reached for her wooden keepsake box on the top shelf. She carefully got it down, and as soon as she opened it, she smelled Love's Baby Soft perfume and bubble gum. Underneath her old birthday cards and letters she found what she was looking for: four dark red leather journals. She grabbed the journals, turned out the light and went back downstairs.

"Here," Mercedes said, handing her the journals, as she sat down beside her.

"What is this?"

"My dream journals… I never stopped writing them down. I just didn't give them to you to read."

"Why?"

"I felt like it was a burden for you to read them. A lot of them were sad. You carried so much on your shoulders and I felt guilty. Even though you asked me to do it. And it wasn't the same as telling you myself. But now I'm giving them to you and I thought, since you're here, we can go through them together."

Aunt Josephine opened her arms and they hugged.

"I'd like that very much."

GIRLHOOD

The peacock became the Hummel's pet. A vet came to the house, examined the bird, and determined it was a healthy female. Mercedes named her Speranza. Finn decided to build a little house for the peacock and Matt, Lucy and Abby helped him build it in the back yard. When it was finished, they painted it sky blue. Speranza wouldn't go inside her house at first, but eventually her curiosity got the best of her and she roosted in it, but mostly she liked to sit up high in the trees and she came and went as she pleased. Finn spent more time with his kids. Even during his busiest days, he found time to be with them, sometimes they just sat on the back porch and watched Speranza wander around the yard, they fed her grapes and she would let them touch the top of her head before walking away again. Early one morning as Lucy patted the bird's head she said to Finn:

"School is starting soon."

"Yeah."

"Grandpa and Zaide want to put us in Star Pride Academy with Abby."

"Do you want to go?"

She shrugged.

"I don't want to go to a new school. I miss my friends."

"We can visit them."

"No."

"Why not?"

"It hurts to go back just like it hurts to stay here."

"I thought you liked it here."

"I do. But I can't stop hurting cause of Mom."

Speranza walked away and circled in front of them and belted out her loud, strange human-like call; it unnerved Finn, but he got used to it; he put his arm around Lucy.

"Neither can I."

"What do we do?"

"I don't know."

Lucy laid her head on his shoulder.

"I guess I can go to that school. At least Abby will be there."

"You'll make new friends."

"It won't be the same."

"Probably not."

"Just like you're not the same."

Finn didn't respond. In his therapy sessions with Santana, she said Lucy's anger toward him would take a while for her to get through and her image of him was tarnished. They sat, side by side, listening to Speranza's call until Lucy said:

"I got my period this morning."

"Oh… is it your first one?" Finn said, unsure of what to say.

"Yes."

"Do you… do you feel ok?"

"A little achy. Aunt Mercedes gave me some Advil and a pad. I wanted to tell Mom but she was asleep."

"Oh, well, congratulations?"

Lucy smiled at him.

"Seriously?"

"I have no idea what to say. But you can't use up all of Mercedes' pads so let's go buy some."

"Now?"

"Why wait? Let's get dressed and we can go."

"Alright."

After they dressed he drove them to Target. Since it was so early, the store was empty except for a few cashiers chatting with one another. They went to the Personal Care aisle to get the pads. He never paid attention to what Rachel used, and he had no idea what brand Mercedes gave to Lucy.

"So which ones are we getting?" he said.

Lucy looked at the shelves of sanitary napkins, in bright pink, purple, or green packaging, flowery designs on the boxes. She picked up a purple box of Always pads on the bottom shelf.

"This is what Aunt Mercedes gave me this morning."

"And you like them?"

"I guess so."

Finn noticed that the Target brand of pads were cheaper and was tempted to get them since money was tight, but he refrained from saying anything and took the box from her hand.

"Anything else?"

"Advil."

They went further down the aisle and got the Advil. As they walked to checkout, Lucy spotted a photo booth decorated with the red and white Target logo.

"Let's get our picture taken," she said and tugged his arm, as she walked to the booth.

Finn looked down at his hole-in-the-knee, faded jeans, beat-up sandals and wrinkled Superman t-shirt.

"I'm not exactly camera ready."

"Me either. Who cares?"

Lucy wore Burt's old gray windbreaker and bleach stained purple sweatpants. She was experimenting with hair dye and had faint blue streaks in her closely cut hair.

"Ok."

They got in the booth, closed the white curtain, and sat down on the bench. Finn paid the fee and they took their pictures. In some they made silly faces, and in others they only smiled, and in the last one, Lucy laid her head on Finn's shoulder. When the photos slid out of the dispenser, his heart broke when he saw tears in Lucy's eyes in the final picture, her face solemn.

"Lucy?" he said.

She didn't respond and they left the booth, paid for their items and exited the store. The drive home was silent. When he pulled up to the house, and parked the truck, Lucy remained seated, instead of unbuckling her seatbelt as she normally would do. Finn stared at his daughter, and tried to figure her out, what was inside her, what he should say; she was a stranger and familiar all at once, the old Lucy and new Lucy combined. He touched the blue streaks in her hair, and wondered if he had a place in her life and what it should be. Lucy turned to look at him.

"I'm tired," she said.

He leaned over and hugged her, and she wrapped her thin arms around his bulky waist, and cried into his chest.

A MILLION BEAUTIFUL THINGS

That night Finn looked at the stars with Matt. They lay on an old blanket and stared up at the sky. Matt pointed out the constellations he knew and the stories behind them. He talked about Speranza eating bread from his hands and how he listened to an old Joy Division song and memorized the words. Finn listened to his son's chatter and when he ran out of things to say he fell silent for a while until he asked Finn:

"Is Lucy sick?"

"She got her period."

"Oh."

"Your Uncle Sam and I are going to Lexington tomorrow, would you like to come?"

"Why?"

"No reason. I thought you might like to hang out with us while we work."

"Just us guys?"

"Just us guys… unless you want your sisters to come."

"No. I want it to be just us."

"Alright."

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't want to read Mom's letter, is that bad?"

Finn sighed and said nothing for a few moments, thinking of what to say. Matt grew worried.

"It's bad isn't it?"

"No, it's not bad. I think that when you're ready, you'll read it."

"Have you read yours?"

"Yes."

"Did it make you cry?"

"Yes."

"I keep thinking if I don't read the letter then she won't die."

"Matt, it doesn't work that way."

"It's all I have."

Finn sat up on the blanket and looked down at him. He looked so much like Rachel it was uncanny.

"She prayed so hard for you."

"She did?"

"Yes, when you were a baby. Lucy was healthy and could come home but you had to stay in the NICU; something was wrong with your heart. Every day she spent every moment she could with you, holding you, telling you stories… she would pray for you to get better and she sang a song."

"What was it?"

Finn held back his tears.

"You know it."

"I do?"

Finn nodded and took his phone out of his pocket.

"She sang it for Lucy too," he played the song on his phone and sang along:

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance...

I hope you dance.

Matt sang along with him and then they heard another voice joining in, it was Lucy, she had come outside and now sat beside Finn on the blanket. Together they sang the second verse.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',

Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,

When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance...I hope you dance. I hope you dance...I hope you dance.

As they sang, Finn remembered every road trip, every sunrise and sunset, every smile, every laugh, every fight… and Rachel's song played in his mind. She sang the song for them around a glowing campfire in Wisconsin, in a cramped apartment bedroom in Canada with a leaky roof, during long car rides on lonely highways, in supermarket aisles, and on quiet winter mornings as the radiator sputtered out heat and they sat around the living room, snuggled up in blankets, cups of hot chocolate balanced on their laps, and somehow the song came out, and Matt and Lucy would sing it with her because they loved it, they knew it was just for them, her babies she would say, and sometimes they danced around the coffee table, in their pajamas, dancing with hope, happiness and love, knowing they had a choice in life… it was her love song to them.

"You'll have to be their mother and father"

He couldn't forget Rachel's words and he sang even louder than before, despite his tears, he kept going until the song was over, he kissed the tops of their heads, hugged them both, and said he loved them. They gazed up at the stars and listened to the crickets chirp and the neighbor's dog barking; ordinary sounds in an ordinary world, but what Finn felt inside was extraordinary, it was big, sad, wonderful, and painful and just so much, too much. Finn wanted the first kiss in the rain, Taco Tuesdays, summer afternoons in the park with Matt and Lucy when hero worship was in their young eyes, Rachel's laugh and smile when she told him something happy, lovemaking early in the morning, her soft skin against his, wrapped up in blue cotton sheets, her long, brown hair fanned out on the pillow… a million beautiful things he wanted, but could no longer have.

His heartbeat slowed down, he felt life drain from him. Then he knew. He urged Matt and Lucy to get up, and he rushed into the house, and pulled them along, with his hands firmly grasped around theirs. They asked him what was wrong, but he only shook his head, and ran upstairs. He opened the bedroom door. Rachel lay on the bed, her eyes half-closed; she looked at them and smiled.

"I heard you singing," she whispered, "It was beautiful."

Finn, Matt, and Lucy sat down on the bed, and held her in their arms.

A moment later, she was gone.

END NOTES: Thank you for reading and reviewing!

#Samcedes #Samcedes fanfiction #sam evans and mercedes jones

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