#i cried today because of this god i almost started crying at work that would have been really bad lol

[beomiracles]

⌞ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐈 𝐘𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐉𝐔𝐍 ⌝

DREAM RECALL ⸝⸝ He pulls away from you with a perplexed expression. Then he laughs, it’s short, cruel, he shakes his head. ���Don’t be funny”, he mutters as he runs a hand through his dark hair. “You know I have a girlfriend, nerd.” He spits the words out like the venomous bite of a snake. His gaze drops to your unbuttoned blazer, briefly passing the harsh bruises on your chest. — “Don’t think you’re anything else besides a quick fuck.” ⸝⸝

wc ➘ 26k

pairings popular/bully!yeonjun x nerd!reader(fem) college au ! warnings heavy bullying, violence, exploitation, cheating, drinking, yeonjun is an asshole for 80% of this, redemption arc, some angsty scenes, hurt-comfort sort of? this fic contains 3/4 descriptive smut scenes which include — oral (both f & m), penetrative sex, vaginal fingering, a handjob, lots of degrading (reader receiving) but also a splash of praise, some tit groping, implied marking, very soft sex at the end (yeonjun cries a little), reader is inexperienced = virginity loss, + yeonjun teaching her how to give a blowjob as always lmk if I missed any!

#serene adds ✎ my god this fic has taken literal years off my life. But I could not have been happier with the outcome of it !! It's a long one, but I've tried to keep it interesting throughout it all for a lighter read. I'm not one to beg for feedback, but I will actually get down on my knees this time around. Please please comment/reblog or even send asks with your thoughts on it, I need it to be perceived in any way possible !! hehe please enjoy because I have slaved to get this done (if anyone notices the Skins reference in one scene, lets kiss)

(I was also slightly delirious when I read this through ahem...) anyway, ready, set go !

You don’t exactly know how it started. The cheating, the lying, the sleepless nights, the crying, the heartbreak, Choi Yeonjun. One day he was just…there. You had never met anyone like Yeonjun before yet you knew hundreds of people like him. He was everything, he was the cause of your pain, your tears, your self loathe. — But mostly importantly, Yeonjun was your first love. You would always remember him as that. You suppose it might have started on your first day at that college, back when you were only known as the junior transfer. 

He was a senior. Perhaps it was a bit cliché, you don’t know, you didn’t think so. But you remember it clearly, the first time you saw him. — The air was hot, suffocatingly so, despite it being early October. Your palms were sweaty, and you squeezed them together as your hands remained neatly clasped in front of you. The eyes of the other students weighed a ton and you felt your knees buckle under the pressure. 

Your professor clears his throat as he steps up beside you, gazing out across the classroom. “We have a new student today”, he announces what was already painfully obvious and you felt your cheeks redden further. Apart from a few sniggers here and there, silence follows. “Why don’t you introduce yourself?” His direct question made you flinch as you quickly glanced up from the floor, your gaze flitting between your professor and the large ocean of heads turned in your direction. 

Your introduction was meek, the words getting caught in your throat as you stammered out your name. You could almost hear the smirks plastered on their faces as they drank in your fidgety frame. You jump when you feel your teacher's hand on your shoulder, “your new classmate is a year younger than you guys, but due to her impressive work ethic she has finished the majority of her classes already. She will therefore be joining us for the time being.” — His words of praise felt more like a set up for humiliation and you watched as students leaned over to whisper in each other’s ears, grinning at the words being passed around. You could hear the rumors already. 

“Why don’t you take the seat over there?” Your new professor points to an empty desk by the very back and you breathe out a small sigh of relief, glad to be shielded from the peering eyes of your new classmates. But just as you’re about to step down and make your way toward the safe haven, you lock eyes with him. — Part of his face was shielded by his dark hair but you could clearly make out his brown eyes, staring right back at your own. He’s quick to catch on to your stare and you watch as his lips stretch into a menacing smirk. 

Forcing yourself to look away, you grab onto your bag as you quietly make your way past the many rows of desks. An outstretched foot makes you stumble forward and you barely manage to catch yourself. “Careful”, one of the girls turns in her seat as she eyes you with a not so friendly smile, “wouldn’t want you to fall.” You give her a small nod as you hurriedly continue toward your own desk.

Thankful to have stepped away from the spotlight, you lean back as you let out a small breath. But it wasn’t enough. As class went on you continued to catch the multiple glances thrown your way, the small chuckles, the papers being passed around. It all felt too familiar, and your heart slowly sank. — You pushed the feeling away, focusing on what you did best, studying. Class was a nice distraction, but after an hour and a half it came to an end. And as soon as your professor had shut the door behind him, chaos erupted. 

The scraping of chairs against the stone floor filled the classroom as students turned to get a glimpse of you. It didn’t take long for a small half circle to form around you, and you swallowed the lump in your throat. 

“How did you do it?” 

The first one to speak up was a lanky guy, he leans closer as he studies your uncertain face. Before you could even process the meaning of his question, a girl interrupted him, the same one who had tried to trip you over at the beginning of class. “I bet she slept with them, I mean, she must have.” — Her statement is followed by laughter as people nod in agreement. “But how did you get them in bed?” Another girl asks as she looks you up and down with distaste, “surely it wasn’t whilst looking like that?” More laughter. 

Your face might as well have been on fire as you glanced down toward your notes. “What if she drugged them?” Another guy chimes in as he points an accusing finger toward you. Hurriedly you shake your head as your lips part in a reply, a reply that immediately gets stuck in your throat as you’re interrupted. 

“You guys are being too harsh.” Another voice speaks up, everyone falls silent and soon the crowd parts as the guy you had made eye contact with earlier steps through. He’s followed by two of his friends and the small group stops by your desk. “It’s obvious you guys”, he exclaims as he leans down to come eyelevel with you. When this close, his sharp eyes somehow felt like daggers, boring into your soul as his lips curled into a smirk. 

“She’s a nerd.” He draws out each syllable like it was his last, his lips stretching wider as he sees your face fall. Small gasps and hums of agreement fill the silent room, as if everyone just instantly agreed with whatever he said. “Don’t think of her as anything else”, he drawls, straightening his back once more as he stares you down. 

You soon found out that his name was Choi Yeonjun. 

⸝⸝

Your first day had only proven to be a small trial of the school year ahead. Word had quickly spread of the transfer student who took classes with the seniors, and wherever you went, you had eyes on you. — You tried your best to keep to yourself, to focus on your studies. That was how you had made it through your previous schools. But it seemed futile here, because no matter how low of a profile you kept, they always found a reason to pick and pull at you. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing nerd?” She yells as she shoves you against the red lockers and you groan in pain. You couldn’t remember her name, but you knew that she was a senior too, she sat two rows ahead of you and to the left. — Confused, you look up only to be met with a harsh slap to your face. “Don’t play stupid, I know that’s the last thing you are.” She sneers and your lips part in objection, though no words come out. 

The girl signals for her friends to block either side of you, shutting off any escape routes as she rolls up her sleeves. “You think you can just go through my shit like that? That I wouldn’t know?” Her statement baffles you and your eyes widen, “what?” Another slap to your cheek, “right, come on now. Give it back.” 

You frown, “give what back?” Her friends on either side of you grip onto your arms and you wince as they twist your limbs. She scoffs, “my lipstick you idiot, I know it was you. Who else would take it? Besides, I’ve seen the way you eye it whenever I put it on.” — While her words were partly true, you did think that her lipstick was really pretty and often found your gaze lingering whenever she picked it up from her bag, you would never stoop to such a level as stealing. 

“I didn't steal your lipstick”, you croak out and she lets out a huff of disbelief. She goes off on yet another rant but you’re suddenly distracted as your eyes land on the small group of students walking by. 

After your first day, Yeonjun hadn’t addressed you once. He never picked on you, never engaged in gossip about you, he barely even acknowledged your existence. But you knew that he was behind most of what happened to you, because everyone listened to Choi Yeonjun. If he didn’t like what was going on, he would put an end to it, but he never did. 

You often saw him in the halls, he was always followed by his two friends. On your second day you had learned that the three of them were practically inseparable. — To his left was a tall guy, his frame could easily tower over just about anyone, yet he trailed behind his friends quietly with his head hung low. If it wasn’t for the scowl on his face whenever someone dared to glance in his direction, you would have assumed that he was just any other student. His name was Choi Soobin, that much you knew. 

To his right, was perhaps Soobin’s opposite. He was shorter than his friends, not by much, but it made him stick out. His hair fell in uneven sections across his face and he often brushed it away with his pinky whilst he spoke. Unlike Soobin, Choi Beomgyu talked almost all the time, with the occasional input from Yeonjun. Though few of his words were kindhearted. He often picked on you, his comments were snarky and mean, you only ever caught a break when Yeonjun got fed up. 

Then there was Choi Yeonjun, walking in the middle, he gazed ahead as Beomgyu blabbered nonsense into his ear, Soobin following slightly behind them. The Choi’s, that was what people called them. Something to do with their names all being Choi, you thought it was kind of corny. Yet you couldn’t deny the way your eyes lingered on Yeonjun, just a little longer than the rest. 

It wasn’t like you thought that he was handsome or anything, but he was nice to look at…you supposed. And even though you knew better than to pay him any mind, it was hard to tear your gaze away from him. Only when he passed you, did you feel your heart stutter. For the first time since your first day here, he looked at you, if only for a brief moment. His gaze flickered over your practically torn limbs and a small smirk etched its way to his lips. — You felt your knees go weak under his eyes and swallowed hard. 

Though his attention soon returned to the girl draped under his arm, the same girl that had tried to trip you over on your first day. You had found out that she was his girlfriend, her name was Mimi. She twirled a strand of her hair as she whispered something in his ear and Yeonjun chuckled. — Their small party continued past you as if nothing was wrong before disappearing down the hallway, leaving you to face the fate before you. 

⸝⸝

You convinced yourself that it wasn’t a crush, that you simply found him appealing. The topic of crushes stopped being a thing after middle school, right? You, a twenty year old, have a crush? The thought was ridiculous. But no matter what lies you forced into your brain, your heart still beat a little faster whenever he was present, your eyes drifted in his direction and there was nothing you could do to stop them. — So what if you did have a small crush on Choi Yeonjun? It wasn’t going to harm anyone, it wasn’t like you were going to act on it. He had a girlfriend. Whenever you reminded yourself of said fact, a pang of guilt shot through your chest. You know you shouldn’t feel guilty, but it was hard not to. Most of all you felt guilty toward yourself — guilty for letting yourself sink to such a level. 

As October went by, you did your best to stay out of the firing line of your classmates, you kept your head down and did your work. And when there was no work left to do, you spent your time looking at Yeonjun. He really was pretty to look at. — You noted the way he would lean back in his chair, stretching his arms above his head before yawning, his eyes momentarily fluttering closed. Usually, he wasted his classes on his phone, or chatting with Beomgyu, it was unusual for him to be doing any of his coursework. Perhaps he didn’t need to, or he simply didn’t care to. 

Occasionally, you would catch your name slipping past Beomgyu’s lips, your gaze immediately snapping down to your book as your heart practically beat out of your chest. But no matter how many times he mentioned you, pointed at you, sneered at you, Yeonjun never even as much as turned his head in your direction, simply shrugging along to whatever his friend was saying.

The only time Yeonjun looked at you was when everyone else did. That one time someone poured milk over you in the cafeteria, or when you got a basketball in your face during gym. Only when the whole school pointed and laughed, only then did he spare you a fragment of his attention. And maybe you did like it, maybe you did want him to look at you. 

It was kind of pathetic. 

What was perhaps even more pathetic was that one offer you hadn’t been able to pass up. It wasn’t like you could say no to your professor either, right? — “I think there are a few students who would benefit from studying together with you.” You blink up at him as you watch your teacher lean back in his chair. This was why he had called you? To be frank you don’t know what you had expected when he asked you to stay behind after class, but this was far from it. 

“Studying with me?” You repeat as you point a confused finger toward yourself. Sure you worked hard, but that was because you had your mind set on doing so. You doubted that your classmates would want to spend even a second wasted in your presence. 

Your professor sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “You are a clever girl”, he nods toward your latest test result on his desk and your gaze follows his movement as you swallow. “Not to mention the fact that you are a whole year ahead of your peers.” He then adds with a small smile and you silently thank him, even though you were certain that he could smell the hesitation radiating off of you. “Look, it is not something you have to decide on today”, he begins as he gathers the papers on his desk, “but students like Mr. Choi could definitely use a hand in their studies.” 

Your ears perked up at the brief mention of his name, and it was almost embarrassing how quickly your head jerked in the direction of your teacher. Though you did not dare get too ahead of yourself. Shifting on the spot, you softly clear your throat, “Choi…Choi Yeonjun?” Your professor stops to look at you, “why, yes, but you do not have to decide today take the weekend to-” 

“I’ll do it.” 

⸝⸝

You’ll do it? What a joke. 

Your whole weekend was spent pacing back and forth across your room. Teeth gnawing away at your fingernails, your mind wrecked with different scenarios of how that following Monday would play out. What were you honestly thinking, saying yes like that? — With an exasperated groan, you flop down on your bed. Staring at the ceiling, you envision Yeonjun, a furious Yeonjun, or maybe a jeering one, you didn’t know which approach he would take. But surely he wouldn’t be happy once the news reached him, unless they already had?

Briefly you considered calling in sick that Monday. You had never called in sick before, at least you couldn’t remember doing so; recalling the multiple times you had ignored the fever in your body as you marched on to class. Not to mention that time you had the flu and still sat through your three hour long exam. — Were you really considering calling in sick over a mere guy. But it wasn’t just a guy, it was Choi Yeonjun. 

Regardless of the situation, you still went to school on Monday. But as soon as you stepped inside the classroom, you could tell that something was different. It was like the air had shifted. And as you made your way to the back of the room, carefully taking your seat, not a single one of your classmates bothered to pick on you. Instead they all occupied themselves with whatever they had in front of them. It was odd to say the least. 

In regular fashion, the classroom door swings open during the very last minute as Beomgyu saunters inside. Behind him follows Soobin and Yeonjun, both in the midst of a hushed conversation. You find your gaze instinctively lingering by Yeonjun’s tall frame, fingers twirling your pen mindlessly in your hand. It isn’t until you glance up and find his eyes already boring holes into your own, that you’re suddenly ripped from your trance. 

Yeonjun was looking at you. He was actually looking at you, no, he was glaring at you. The realization was enough to send your heart into a frenzy as you swallowed a gulp. His gaze is unwavering as he approaches his desk, still conversing with his friend, but his eyes remain entirely on you.  — Sweat builds on your forehead and you grip your pencil tightly. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t find yourself to break his gaze. You knew that you were giving him exactly what he wanted by letting his eyes practically tear you apart, so why couldn’t you pull away? 

It isn’t until the classroom door opens yet again that he puts out the fire he had momentarily created between the two of you, his eyes shifting toward board as your professor clears his throat, ready to begin today’s lecture. As his monotone voice fills the room, you breathe out a sigh of relief, glad to be out of his sight. 

He had to have known by now, the nasty looks he shot you throughout the day were more than telling. For someone who never even paid you as much as a second thought, it was most unusual for Yeonjun’s full attention to be directed toward you. Even during lunch, you could feel his eyes on you as he sat by his usual table. With Mimi on his lap and Beomgyu talking in his ear, his gaze still remained on your slumped figure as you focused on your plate of food. 

⸝⸝

Your professor had helped set up today’s session, but after that you would have to schedule them on your own. You were supposed to meet by the library, at 5:15pm that Monday. — You were there by 4:55. It took you about five minutes to pick a suitable table, not too close to the door, not in a corner somewhere, but also not in the center of the room, perhaps you were overthinking it. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Desperately you tried to calm your nerves as your trembling hands brought out your notebook and pencil case. 

By 5:15 you were ready, actually you had been ready for the past ten minutes. The small library had been vacant even when you arrived, you didn’t know if you felt relieved at the fact or not. — By 5:25 you started to think that he might not show up. Out of all possible scenarios fabricated in your way too creative brain, the one of him not even bothering to come hadn’t crossed your mind at all. What would you do then? Accept defeat? Tell your professor? Talk to him in class? Neither option seemed too appealing. 

It’s 5:32 when the doors creak open. Hesitantly, you lift your gaze as you watch Yeonjun’s eyes wander across the room, finally landing on you. His face morphed into a scowl and you felt your stomach drop. You notice that he hasn’t brought any study materials along with him and you bite the inside of your cheek. The short breath he lets go of echoes out into the silent library and then he marches toward you. — You don’t have time to think before he’s by your table, the palm of his hand slamming against the wood with such force that your pencils rattle, and you flinch. 

“Do you think this is some kind of sick joke?” He sounds agitated, his hot breath searing through his gritted teeth as his nostrils flared. Your once tense jaw falls open as your brows draw together in a confused frown. — “I mean, I knew you had a thing for me. But don’t you think this is going too far?” He sounds almost hysterical as a grin spreads across his lips. 

You felt color rushing to your cheeks at his words. Did he know? Could he tell by your small glances? But you thought you were being subtle. Yeonjun seems to be reading your mind as he runs a lazy hand through his hair, “oh come on now nerd, for someone so clever you really are quite oblivious.”

“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t notice the way you eye-fucked me every single opportunity you got?” He sneers, tilting his head to the side as he watches you with a cruel look of distaste. Your lips part but no words come out. So you shake your head, you didn’t know who you were trying to convince, him or yourself. “It wasn’t like that…” 

He scoffs, “no?” Suddenly his face is only inches from yours, and you had to force your gaze not to stray down to his lips as he spoke. “Then what is it?” He murmurs, so close that you could almost taste his words on your tongue. You swallow, hard. What was it? You didn’t know, you didn’t want to answer, he couldn’t make you answer, could he? 

His grin widens as a low chuckle rumbles in his chest. “No way”, he shakes his head as one of his hands grip the backrest of your chair, easily twisting you to face him fully. His previously cocky expression was replaced with a look of sympathy, his voice now laced with pity. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve got a little crush, nerd.” He spits the words out and you’re quick to shake your head, denying his blunt accusations. “I don’t”, you stammer, leaning back as far as your chair would allow you to. — “You’re telling me you’re doing this out of goodwill?” He asks as he tilts his head to the side. He hardly seems moved by your denial, but when you quietly nod his smug face turns into a snarl. “Do you think I’m stupid?” 

“What? No, no, no that’s not what I-” You stop yourself before getting another word out, it felt like no matter what you said, you only worsened the already sour situation. Yeonjun exhales, his warm breath slamming against your already hot face. He leans back, taking a seat on the edge of the table as his hands dig into the pockets of his uniform. Confused, you watch him as he silently gets comfortable. 

“What do you want then?” He finally asks and you blink up at him. “My number? Is that it?” He wonders as he fishes up his phone, unlocking it as he pulls up his contacts. You shake your head and he frowns, “then what?” — Your lips part and you motion toward the books in front of you, “just…”

“Don’t tell me you want me to fuck you, because that would be pathetic, even for you nerd.” 

His statement catches you so off guard that you almost hit your leg on the chair opposite your own. “What?” You whisper, unsure of the fact that you had even heard him correct. You knew that there was no such universe in which someone like Choi Yeonjun would ever view you in that way, so it felt almost bizarre to hear those words leave his lips so casually. 

He sighs as he gets up from the table, leaning down to become eye level with you once more. “I mean, I get that you’re desperate, believe me”, he lets his gaze drop to your chest for a brief second. “Looking like that, I’m sure it’s hard to get by”, he hums, and in that moment, you wished for the ground to swallow you whole. 

It had been a foolish idea to even consider doing this, even more to say yes. If you had only turned your professor’s offer down, none of this would have happened. Because in all honesty, if this was how Yeonjun looked at you, with such menace and fabricated pity, you think you preferred it when he paid your existence no mind. 

“But you’re lucky”, he murmurs before leaning even closer, his breath mingling with your own. Lucky? What a joke, you thought. — You flinch when you feel the light caress of his fingers on your shoulder as they slowly entangle themselves in your hair. “I’m feeling particularly nice today”, he smirks and your eyes involuntarily dart down to his perfectly plump and pink lips. “Besides”, he drawls, his hand moving to cup your cheek. 

“I’ve never fucked a nerd before.” 

You barely get the chance to second guess his words when Yeonjun presses his lips against yours. Immediately you freeze as your shoulders jerk up and your back curls against the chair. The hand on your cheek moves to your chin as he grabs ahold of your face, forcing his tongue inside your mouth and you let out a small shriek. — He hums against you, his eyes fluttering closed, lips moving on top of your unresponsive ones. 

A moment later he pulls back. “You kiss like a virgin”, he states as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. As soon as the words left his lips, he grins, “but I bet you are.” — Still too stunned to even speak after his sudden course of action, you merely shake your head as you glance between him and the floor. You weren’t a complete virgin, you did have a boyfriend back in high school. Not that the two of you ever went further than kissing though, and even then, his kisses were nothing like Yeonjun’s. 

Hesitantly you meet his gaze, swallowing down the nerves bubbling in your throat. “Come on now nerd”, he murmurs as his hands grip onto the armrests of your chair, large arms entrapping you against the old wood. “You’ve done it now haven’t you?” — “You got me here all to yourself, why don’t you use it to your advantage hm?” His eyes gleamed with mischief and you knew better than to trust his persuasive ways. Still you found it hard to do anything besides gawk at him, in utter disbelief of what was currently happening. 

Biting your lip, you let your eyes flit down to his parted lips, focusing a little too long on the sheer layer of saliva that coated them. Yeonjun is quick to pick up on the subtle shift in your focus and he chuckles. You clearly see the way he moves closer, but it still doesn’t register that he’s kissing you again until his tongue molds against your own. Despite your initial shock, you try your best to kiss him back this time. You knew that you were probably horrible, but even then, he didn’t say anything.

Your breath catches in your throat when his hand envelops one of your breasts, groping it softly. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had your tits touched?” He drawls, easily noting your uncertain approach. Your silence is almost deafening and the way you squirm when he pinches one of your nipples tells him everything he needs to know. With a small frown he pulls back, just enough for you to see his face. He looks conflicted, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek as he runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck, you really are a virgin aren’t you?” He sounds almost…serious and you find yourself slowly nodding as you grip the hem of your skirt tightly. 

Yeonjun sighs and you hear him mutter something under his breath. His gaze snaps back to you and you can see the shift in his eyes once he settles on a decision. “Alright”, he states before quickly dropping to his knees. Baffled you follow his direct movement, shrieking as his hands on your knees part your legs. “We’ll start slow”, he hums as his fingers dance across the exposed skin of your thighs, your weak arms easily giving up when he pushes your skirt up. 

“No need to be nervous”, he reassures you as his fingers hook around the hem of your panties, “I’ve done this plenty of times.” With that, he tugs your underwear down, past your knees, letting them pool around your ankles before his attention shifts to your exposed core. Your legs close in an attempt to shield yourself from his invasive stare but Yeonjun only gruffs out a short breath as he breaks your knees apart once more. — When he doesn’t say anything you grow worried, clearing your throat awkwardly as you shift on the chair. You had never done anything like this before so you had no idea if his silence was a good or a bad thing. 

You don’t have to ponder for long as his fingers suddenly graze your folds. The touch was unexpected and you jolted forward as you tried to suppress the surprised noise threatening to escape. The smirk stretching across his lips only grows as Yeonjun basks in the way you react to his simple touch, you were far easier than any of the girls he’d been with. — “Ever had anyone touch you like this?” He asks, his voice a low murmur as his attention remains on his fingers sliding against your cunt, gathering the slick that formed as he smeared it all over you. 

Meekly you shake your head, breathing out a small “no.” He seems satisfied with your answer, his ego inflating by the minute as he watches you writher under his small touches. Everything still felt so surreal, there was no way that this was actually happening, was it? You’re reminded of all the times you had watched him from afar, sneaking shy glances at him during class, before and after school, in the cafeteria, where he sat with his friends and…and his girlfriend. The reminder is enough to pull you from whatever euphoric state that transpired within your body as you jerked away from his touch. 

Yeonjun’s eyes snap to you with a hint of curiosity and you bite the inside of your cheek, drawing in a small breath before daring to speak. “M-Mimi… w-what about her?” — He groans, a frustrated groan, and you wonder if you overstepped. “Nerd, someone like you, doesn’t count as cheating, got it?” He holds your gaze, speaking clearly, as if giving instructions to a toddler. He grins, a menacing grin, “besides, shouldn’t you be happy? I’m giving you what your perverted little mind has craved since you first stepped foot here.” Sheepishly you nod, heat rushing to your cheeks at the blunt statements he made. 

Choi Yeonjun was bold, his words were harsh, and a lot of times they hurt. For some reason that made you like him even more. 

“Now stop asking obvious questions”, he grunts as his hands trail along your thighs, pulling you forward on the chair, ignoring the way you squeal when he nuzzles his face between your legs. — It felt far from what it looked like in the movies, or even in porn. Yeonjun's hot breath against your core, his tongue dragging across your folds, it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand and you gasped as he flicked your clit. 

It was almost impossible to control the way your thighs twitched, squishing either side of his head as you fought to remain composed. A small whine left your lips as he latched on to your sensitive flesh, licking and sucking on it as if it was the only thing he was capable of doing. You barely register the way one of his hands grab onto your trembling ones, guiding them to his hair as he hums against your cunt. “Don’t be so awkward”, he mutters, his tongue dwelling deep inside of you, eliciting a moan from you as your fingers immediately twist in his dark locks. 

Never in a million years had you thought that the study session that you had been far too eager to agree to would turn into something like this. And that Choi Yeonjun of all people would be the first one to see such a part of you. — You didn’t know if it was such a good thing. But it was impossible to form a single coherent thought with him between your legs, mouth falling open in surprise as his nose bumps up against your clit. He doesn’t seem to mind when you push yourself further onto his face, practically grinding your hips on his mouth as small noises of pleasure ripped from deep within your throat. You were thankful that the library had been vacant for hours. 

“Y-Yeonjun!” His name falls from your lips without registering in your brain beforehand and you almost slap a hand over your mouth as realization washes over you. Yeonjun on the other hand, only chuckles, the sound sending vibrations against your sensitive cunt and you whimper as he withdraws his tongue from within you. — A somewhat familiar sensation bubbled in the depths of your stomach. It wasn’t like you hadn’t had an orgasm before, but the occurrence was rare, you didn’t exactly spend much time with yourself like that. 

His name is pulled from your chest once more and his grip on your thighs tighten. “You got something to say, nerd?” He wonders without leaning away from you, hot mouth working against your throbbing core as he draws moans and whines from you. “C-close..” you mumble, feeling your cheeks redden at the small statement, and you were suddenly glad that he was unable to see your flustered face. 

“Cum on my face then, bet you’ve never done that before.” 

The comment was mean, possibly even degrading, but it still made you clench incoherently around nothing as you released against his waiting lips. To your surprise, he doesn’t immediately pull away, his face remaining between your legs as he laps up the aftermath of your orgasm, drinking in the taste of you with a small satisfied groan. — And when he does finally tear himself from your sore cunt, you can barely look him in the eyes, ashamed at what had just transpired between the two of you. Yeonjun doesn’t seem affected in the slightest, his thumb wiping away the sticky fluids on his chin before popping them in his mouth. The sight should not have made you throb but it did and you bit your lip. 

Without warning, he suddenly gets up as he dusts off his pants. “W-where are you going?” You’re unable to stop yourself from asking. He shoots you a glance that says ‘well isn’t it obvious?’ He sighs, frustrated by your blunt obliviousness, “our session is over, isn’t it?” 

You blink at him, still recovering from your climax as you pull your panties back on. “But the study-” — “You’ve got what you wanted, haven’t you?” He states as he stares down at you, much like he had on your first day, and your words suddenly fall short as you meet his gaze. Shaking his head, a small chuckle escaped his lips, “I’ll see you tomorrow, nerd.” 

The last thing you hear are the library doors slamming shut before the room is enveloped in a deafening silence once more.   

⸝⸝

Everything had returned to normal the following Tuesday. You could barely wrap your head around it. The snarky comments were back, the pestering stares, whatever had roamed the air yesterday seemed to have completely vanished and you were left dumbfounded. — There was only one exceptionally different thing. Choi Yeonjun.

Part of you had hoped that he wouldn’t come to class, but that was a foolish thought. You hear him before you see him, or rather, you hear Beomgyu’s obnoxiously loud voice echoing off the hallways as The Choi’s approach. The classroom falls into a hushed murmur as the door swings open and the three of them enter. — You had told yourself that you would avoid him at all costs. That meant not speaking to him, not looking at him, not even glancing in the same direction as him. 

You found it to be very hard. But the shame over what had happened not even 24 hours prior kept your gaze trained to the pages of your notebook. Not even as he pulled out his chair, making an agonizingly scraping noise that cut through the otherwise quiet room, did your eyes stray from the words in front of you, rereading them over and over as you tried to get your brain to register them. — You lasted approximately two minutes. 

One small peek his way confirmed your every fear. Leaning back in his chair, Yeonjun paid you no mind as he scrolled through his phone, one of his hands rubbing the back of his neck as he did. He acted…just like he usually did, as if nothing had happened between the two of you. For a moment you had worried that he would tell everyone, that was a shame you wouldn’t be able to bear. But perhaps he was trying to spare his own reputation, you could only hope he would keep quiet. Did he regret it? Probably. Why wouldn’t he? 

What was perhaps even worse than his indifferent mannerism toward you was when Mimi greeted him with a kiss. Flinging her arms around his neck, she pulls him close as she practically shoves her tongue down his throat. Beomgyu makes a vile comment before turning to Soobin but besides that, no one else paid them much mind. Except you. The guilt was eating you alive, and you weren’t even the one who had cheated. What would happen if she found out, would she break up with him? Surely she would find a way to put the entire blame on you. You did not dare think of how miserably you would be treated if she found out. It couldn’t happen. You would have to talk to Yeonjun about it, one way or another. 

But how? 

You tried approaching him at lunch, but you only managed one step in his direction before you chickened out. Then you tried again before English, this time you made it halfway before Soobin swooped in right in front of you, his tall frame covering Yeonjun completely from view and you sighed. Your last shot was after gym. As everyone ventured toward the locker rooms you trailed behind, Yeonjun had, too, stayed to talk with your professor but just as you were about to approach, a tap on your shoulder freezes you in place. 

“The hell are you staring at, nerd?” Beomgyu’s voice is filled with distaste as he eyes your sweaty figure, his nose turning up in disgust. Stunned, you fumble for words as your eyes dart between him and Yeonjun, just a few paces away. “N-nothing I was just…” — “Just leaving, right?” He cocks an eyebrow at you and you quickly nod. “Y-Yeah”, you squeak out before rushing off. Why did his friends never stray from his side? It made things so difficult. 

You were always the last one to leave the changing rooms. Hiding away in the bathroom, you waited for the other girls to finish before you dared to venture out and get changed yourself. It had become somewhat of a routine, not that it was particularly comfortable, but as it was your last lesson of the day, you weren't in any rush. — Whilst you get dressed, your mind concludes with a ton of ideas to approach Yeonjun. It would have to be when there was no one else around, before or after school seemed like your best bet. The only remaining problem was his friends, who seemed to be glued to his side. 

Grabbing your bag, you walk over to the exit as you think of a way to get him alone. But as the door to the locker room closes behind you, it seems your problems have solved themselves for you. 

“What took you so long?” 

Yeonjun’s sharp voice startles you and you almost drop the bag in your hands as your head snaps in his direction. Leaning against the wall, his own gym bag swung over his shoulder, Yeonjun studies you with an indifferent expression plastered across his face. Your mouth falls open as you peer down the empty hallway, completely at loss for words. “Y-you waited for me?” You splutter as your attention shifts back to him. 

He purses his lips as he clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “yes, but I’m starting to regret it.” — “Do you always take this long?” His voice is laced with annoyance and you swallow as you shake your head. “I- I mean I…I didn’t know you were waiting I..” 

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter.” He waves your meek explanation off as he shifts against the wall. Still confused on why he was even here in the first place, you bite your tongue as you wait for him to speak first. But out of everything he could’ve said to you, you had not expected the next words that were to come out of his mouth. 

“When’s our next study session?”

What? He wanted to have another study session? You had been prepared to confront him about yesterday, to tell him, no beg him, to keep quiet. Yet he was asking for another session? You were sure he could read the bewilderment on your face as his lips drew into a grin. “N-next session?” You gawk out as your mouth repeatedly opens and closes. He rolls his eyes before huffing out a short breath of air, “yes our next session, we never settled on a date.” — Well you didn’t think he wanted to, you had planned on telling your professor that the whole ordeal had been unsuccessful but here he was, asking for a redo? 

Was it a good idea to say yes? Considering how last time had played out, the answer was probably not. — “I- I’m free whenever.” But you obviously were very bad at listening to your gut instincts. However the smile that spread across his face made it all worth it, you felt your heart speeding up at the endearing sight. “Perfect”, he chimes, “then we’ll do tomorrow 5:30.” You nod but before you can get another word out he adds, “third floor, room 291.” 

Would you guys not be studying in the library? Despite your slight uneasiness, you nod, “alright.” — “Make sure no one sees you on the way there, and don’t be late.” He warns before turning on his heel and walking off. You were left stunned as you leaned against the wall, still gripping your bag tightly in your hands as you tried to process what had just happened. 

⸝⸝

Wednesday rolls around, the day progresses just like any other would. But something feels different, you feel different. It’s a different kind of excitement, bubbling in the pits of your stomach. You had barely gotten any sleep last night, which was a warning sign on its own because you always made sure to get 8 hours. But you don’t feel tired, not in the slightest. And as the last bell of the day rings, you hurry to the bathroom. 

You never fussed over your appearance, far too busy with having a book stuck under your nose. But today felt different, sure the two of you were just studying, it didn’t mean that you couldn’t make an effort if you wanted to look nice, right? 

The sound of bathroom stalls slamming behind you shifts your attention to a group of girls passing by. They all stop as they watch you apply a clear gloss to your lips, their noses scrunching up in disgust. “What’s gotten into that freak?” One of them mutters as she makes a move toward you, only to be stopped by one of her friends. “Don’t, you might get contaminated”, she sneers and the small group burst out into a fit of giggles. — Holding back a small sigh, you ignore them as you wait for them to leave before daring to do the same. 

Your shoes echo off the now almost empty hallways, it was late enough to where few students lingered behind. Still unfamiliar with the building, you made your way to the third floor. You took no classes here and you had to rely on the numbered doors in order to find 291. It takes a while but soon you’re standing in front of it. 

Your hands tremble as you hurriedly glance down the hallway, making sure no one saw you. When your gaze returns to the door you realize that it was a lot smaller than the others, its red paint standing out amongst the otherwise beige ones. That was odd. Yet you push any concerns aside as you reach out to twist the handle. 

Upon stepping inside you quickly realize that this was not a classroom. The room was small, crowded shelves pushed up against all walls, displaying a large range of items, from old books to tools such as screwdrivers and wrenches. Your eyes scan across the multitude of contents as your mind tries to piece together the scene before you. 

“You’re awfully punctual”, Yeonjun drawls as he emerges from a shadowed corner. You jump as you turn to him with a confused frown, “what’s this?” — He grins, his hands digging deep into his pockets as he leans against one of the shelves, “this is where our study sessions will be taking place from now on”, he explains as he motions for you to have a look around. From now on? But there was hardly room to study here, was there? 

Quickly noting your perplexed expression, Yeonjun’s grin widens. “Well come on now, nerd. You didn’t actually think I was planning on sitting down and doing algebra with you?” Your frown deepens, lips parting as your eyes dart between him and the cramped space. “But what…then why are we here?” You ask as you readjust the rather heavy bag on your shoulder. —  He chuckles, shaking his head as he takes a step forward, that single step is enough to get him right in front of you, his chest dangerously close to yours. His hand slides up your arm, reaching your shoulder as he hooks two fingers under the strap holding your bag. “Use that clever little brain of yours for something other than your studies, and maybe you will start to see the bigger picture.” 

Your bag hits the floor with a thud as Yeonjun’s hand returns to your shoulder, fingers twiddling the collar of your blouse as he waits for the wheels in your head to finally turn. And when they do, you glance up at him, your eyes wide with realization. “Yeonjun I… I don’t know…” Your eyes flit toward the door, mind altering between your options, stay or go, stay or go, stay or– 

“Tell me now.” 

His voice is calm and his posture remains stoic as he peers down at you. “I’m not about to waste my time on a loser like you if you’re not even into it.” He sneers as his hand lets go of your collar, pushing you back, only slightly, but enough for you to hit the shelf behind you. Was he seriously asking for your opinion right now, for your consent? Choi Yeonjun was willing to spend time on you, with you. The news were hard to melt and you found yourself awkwardly gazing up at him as your mind fumbled for an answer. 

“What’s it going to be, nerd?” He tsk’s before leaning forward, one of his hands resting on the shelf next to your face as he cages you against it. Briefly you considered turning back, walking away, to return to your otherwise dull life as you watched him from afar. You remembered Mimi, his girlfriend, the guilt and shame, suddenly it came crashing down all over again. But you also remembered his words: “someone like you, doesn’t count as cheating”. Had he really meant that? If not, why else would he be here right now? 

In the end, you nod. “O-Okay”, your voice comes out as a small peep and you curse yourself for not controlling it better. The smug smirk that immediately crawled onto his face should have been a waving warning flag, yet you ignore it, too caught up in the way his eyes darted to your lips, eyeing the clear coat of gloss you’d previously applied. His thumb swipes across the sticky substance. “I was about to tell you not to disappoint me”, he murmurs before pulling your lip down, “but I can already tell that you won’t.” 

Your heart swelled at the small praise, and you leaned into his touch. You hear him scoff at your blunt advances, his lips twitching as he eyes your eager figure. “You virgins really are gullible.” — He presses his mouth against yours, making you gasp in surprise as your pupils blow wide. In what you guessed to be an attempt at loosening you up, his hands roam up and down your sides, settling on your waist as he pushes himself closer, grinding his hips against yours. 

You had no clue of what to focus on, his tongue in your mouth, his hands on your waist, or the way his thigh pushed between your legs, rubbing against your panties in a way that had you practically squealing. — You knew that he was enjoying the reactions he pulled from you, ever so sensitive to his smallest of touches. It’s not long before his hand is on your thigh, gradually moving along your skin before reaching the hem of your underwear. He pushes the fabric to the side, fingers sliding across your already pathetically wet folds before finding your clit, as if they had done this a hundred times.

The moans you emit are all swallowed by his hungry lips on yours as he lets you grind yourself onto his hand. None of the previous hesitation you had felt during your session in the library was present in your mind, all you could think about was how good he felt, how you didn't want him to stop, and how you wanted more, a lot more. 

“More.” 

You can feel him smirk against you, your desperate whine ringing out into the hot air. — “Yeah?” He muses before pulling back, his lips are coated in your clear gloss, the sight was strangely enticing and you find yourself nibbling on your own lip as you sheepishly nod. He chuckles, pressing his lips against yours whilst he hikes your leg around his waist, the small adjustment bringing you even closer to him, and as you feel the hard bulge through his pants, reality slowly sets in. 

But you can’t stop now, you don’t want to. The sound of him undoing his zipper becomes a muffled noise somewhere in the background as your arms wrap around his neck, clinging to him in every way possible. — He breaks the kiss, confused, your eyes flutter open as you try and peer at him in the dim light of the storage room. You briefly catch him tearing a small package open with his teeth and for a moment you’re left completely dumbfounded before realizing that it must’ve been a condom. 

People wore condoms for one of two reasons, either they were avoiding knocking someone up, or they were afraid of catching diseases. But what disease could you possibly be carrying? So that would mean… You don’t have time to ponder on the matter further as you feel the tip of his cock against your folds. Immediately your eyes shoot open as your hands grip onto his shoulders. Suddenly everything seemed very real, perhaps a little too real. 

“Tell me if it hurts”, he murmurs, his forehead leaning against your own and you meekly nod. Was it supposed to hurt? You draw in a sharp breath as you feel him slowly push inside, the stretch of his fingers had been nothing compared to this and you felt completely unprepared. His movements come to an abrupt halt as he leans back to gauge your reaction with a wary expression. Quickly nodding, you loosen your grip on his shoulders, breathing out a small “‘m fine.” 

“Yeah?” He wonders and you nod once more. Only when he’s fully inside, do you dare let out the breath you had been holding in; feeling your body relax against his. “You feelin’ okay?” His genuine question catches you off guard and you give a small nod of assurance. “Y-Yeah I am..” — He smirks, then he captures your lips in a small kiss, the gesture distracts you from the moment he begins to move, gently rocking his hips into you and you gasp against his mouth. 

“Fuck”, he grunts. With one hand around your waist and the other maintaining a steady grip on the shelf behind you, he slowly thrusts inside of you. “Are all virgins this tight?” He murmurs, the question was rhetorical and he doesn’t give you the chance to answer, “or is it just you nerd?” — “I bet it is.” He sounds menacing but his ragged breathing makes it hard for you to tell if he’d really meant it or not. 

The items on the shelf rattle as his pace grows quicker, harsher, drawing moans and whimpers from you with every move his hips, cock stretching you wide as you claw against his shoulders. He leans back, enough to where he can watch the way your lips part, your now smudged gloss spread across your cheeks and chin as you whine. His gaze drops to your chest, fingers quickly beginning to work on the buttons that concealed you from him. Flicking them open one by one, Yeonjun’s hand quickly tears your blouse apart, eyes darting to your plump breasts as they bounced in rhythm with his movement. 

“You’ve got some nice tits for a nerd”, he muses, his hand groping your chest as his thumb flicks along your covered nipple. Feeling your cheeks redden, you only moan as he draws deeper inside of you, the tip of his cock brushing against parts of you that made you squirm. — Yeonjun made you think of yourself, see yourself, in ways you never had before, and it was exciting. 

“Has anyone ever told you that, hm?” He sneers, his hand pushing your breasts together as he watches the flesh squish against one another, groaning at the sight. Unable to form a single coherent thought, much less a full sentence, you merely shake your head. “Well you do. You got some of the nicest tits I’ve ever seen.” He grunts, hips snapping against you. The compliment makes you throb around him, your orgasm approaching at a rapid pace and your fairly short nails dig into his shoulders. 

“P-Please”, you wail and Yeonjun rolls his eyes, letting out a gruff sigh. “Thought you would last longer than this, nerd.” — “But don’t worry”, he murmurs, leaning in close as his lips trail the shell of your ear, “it comes with practice.” He moves down your neck, prepping your skin in soft kisses before he pulls it between his teeth. 

You whimper when his thumb rubs at your clit, legs trembling around his waist as your hands move to his hair, fingers threading through his dark locks before securely latching on. It doesn’t take much for your high to hit, your cunt clenching down around his cock as it pulls him in further. — Yeonjun curses under his breath as his hips jerk forward before stuttering. In the pure ecstasy of the moment, you roughly pull his face from your neck as you crash your lips against his. You knew that it was messy, sloppy and uncalculated, but you didn’t care as long as you got to feel him this close to you. 

You hear him sigh, you can’t tell if he’s content or not. But a moment later he breaks the kiss, gazing at you with a clouded expression as a small grin tugs at his mouth. He bites his lip, eyes dropping to your chest one final time before he pulls out, making you wince at the sudden feel of emptiness. — “Not too bad for a first timer”, he comments as he rids himself off the condom. You open your mouth to say something but he beats you to it. 

“Same time Friday, got it?”   

⸝⸝

Your study sessions with Yeonjun became a regular thing, and every instance was just like the former. They would take place after school, in room 291, shielded away from prying eyes as he had his way with you. You were there, at his every beck and call, never once showing up late nor canceling. — It was both thrilling and excruciating. You knew that whatever transpired between the two of you was nothing personal and only temporary. Yet you couldn’t help but long for something more; you longed for Yeonjun to like you back. 

It was probably a selfish thought, a selfish fantasy. But the images of Mimi flashing before your eyes, which had previously filled you with both dread and guilt, were suddenly replaced with a feeling of superiority. Because even if she didn’t know it, her boyfriend fucked someone else on the side, her boyfriend was cheating on her, with you. And it felt good. Often you had to hold yourself back from letting said fact slip past your lips. The scenarios would sometimes look something like this… 

“Watch where you’re going, nerd.” Mimi spits after purposefully crashing into you in an almost empty hallway that provided more than enough room for two parties to pass. Her friends turn to you with a scowl as they fold their arms across their chests. Your eyes dart between them and their vengeful leader before flitting down the long corridor, down to where The Choi’s were hanging out. 

Making the mistake of letting your gaze linger, garners her attention as Mimi snaps her fingers in front of your face. “What the fuck are you looking at nerd?” She barks as her eyes follow yours. She scoffs, her lips curling into a smirk, “do you think my boyfriend looks good or something?” Her question rips your attention back as you feverishly shake your head. — Mimi only laughs, her friends quickly joining in as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“It’s okay, I don’t blame you, really.” She tries to appear nice, perhaps even pitiful, but the malicious intent behind her words linger. You shake your head once more, “no I wasn’t I..” She holds up a finger to silence you, “come on now, it’s obvious. Everyone knows you have a thing for him.” She practically giggles as she covers her painted lips with a hand. Your cheeks feel as if they were on fire, your gaze dropping to your shoes as you bite the inside of your cheek. 

“But don’t worry”, she leans closer, her breath, which reeked of the strawberry bubblegum she always chewed, fans across your face. “You’re not exactly his type.” 

The statement almost made you scoff. Not his type? Was that what it was? You briefly considered telling her, telling her what her boyfriend was doing behind her back, and with the school nerd at that. The one girl she thought she didn’t have to worry about. It was almost a bit comedic. But you held your tongue. No matter how bad you wanted to crush whatever illusion she had going on, you couldn’t. Besides, Yeonjun would probably just deny it, and who would believe you?

Speaking of Choi Yeonjun. — He had become almost insufferable outside of your sessions. From barely looking at you in class to bringing attention to you at almost every possible second, Yeonjun was now the sole epitome of the bullying you endured. Whether it was the nasty and mean comments he shared with Beomgyu, his words echoing out through the classroom as he brought the whole class to laughter. Or the multiple times in which he’d trip you over in the hallways, undoubtedly peeking up your skirt as he did, but of course, no one noticed that, and if they did, they didn’t fault him. 

Choi Yeonjun did nothing wrong. He never did. So when he invites you to a party, your very first one, you don't know what to say. 

“Think about it”, he huffs as he zips his pants back up. The air in the small storage unit felt hot and stuffy, your clothes sticking to your sweaty body as you pulled your panties on. “I don’t know..” you quietly murmur, glancing down toward the dark floor as you twist your hands behind your back. — Yeonjun sighs, running a hand through his hair before he tries again. “Why not? Don’t tell me you’re scared.” 

You shake your head. “I’m not. But…I don’t know anyone, I don’t… I can’t just show up there.” You argue before swallowing the lump in your throat. It had been an outright baffling proposal on his side. What would people think if you just turned up? — “Tell them I invited you, they’ll let you in.” You blink up at him, was he being for real right now? 

“Y-You?” He nods, as if it was a given. “Make sure to wear something half decent at least.” He says, giving your shoulder a pat before he pushes past you and out of the small room, leaving you in the dark once more. 

⸝⸝

Something half decent? What was something, half decent? You didn’t know, and it took you about an hour to pick out a dress you thought would be suitable. It wasn’t particularly short, stopping at your knees, the dark purple complimented your skin nice, you thought. But it felt uncomfortable to walk in, and with one hand wrapped around the fabric, you pull it down as you near the driveway of a large villa. 

Your eyes flit across the scenery, it was dark out, but the house remained lit despite the late hour. Music was playing, loud enough to where the beat echoed out across the empty street. Swallowing a gulp, you run a hand through your styled hair one final time before daring to step inside.

Immediately you’re greeted by a large number of perplexed eyes, everyone slowly turning to you as you venture further into the villa, reaching the filled kitchen space. “What’s she doing here?” “Did someone invite her?” “I can’t believe she would actually show up.” — You cringe at their remarks, trying your best to ignore them as your eyes scan for Yeonjun. What if he wasn’t here? What if this had all been a ploy to draw you out and humiliate you further. You shouldn’t have come here, you really should– 

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Mimi’s harsh voice snaps you from your small trance as she immediately corners you. Freezing on the spot, your hands curl into fists as you turn to her. Desperate for a way to defend yourself, to explain the situation, or to just escape all together, your mind spirals with excuses. Your lips part but you can’t seem to get a single syllable out. “Come on nerd, I asked you a question.” She huffs, growing impatient as she takes a step forward, her chest almost touching yours. 

“I’m…I..” Could you really tell her that her boyfriend invited you? Would she believe you? No, of course not, no one would. You bite the inside of your cheek, eyes flitting across the crowded kitchen. — “Did you come here to make a scene or something? I mean come on, you’re not even a senior.” Her comment makes everyone hum in agreement as they nod, some even sharing a couple of laughs. 

She was right, and even if she wasn’t, it wouldn’t matter. You stood no chance against anyone in this room. Tears prickle in the corner of your eyes and for the first time since you came here, you actually felt like crying. Taking in a small breath, you slowly exhale again. “Well I…” 

“I invited her.” 

Your heart practically froze over as Yeonjun’s voice cut through the tense air. Quiet murmurs carry out through the room as everyone redirects their attention. Somewhere in front of you, you can hear Mimi scoff as she takes a small step back. “What?” She questions and you finally dare to lift your gaze, your eyes immediately locking with Yeonjun’s as he leans against the kitchen island, seemingly unbothered by the small uproar taking place. 

Mimi on the other hand seemed to be fuming as she glanced between her boyfriend and you. “What do you mean you invited her?” She seethes, her voice laced with hatred and spite. Yeonjun shrugs as he digs his hands into his pockets, an indifferent look on his face. “Come on now, loosen up a little. It’s our responsibility as her seniors to take good care of her, don’t you agree?” He lets his gaze wander across the multiple eyes directed at him, everyone seeming to break under his stare as they quietly nod. 

He cocks an eyebrow in the direction of his girlfriend, “then there’s no problem, hm?” Mimi’s mouth had fallen open as she watched him win everyone over within a matter of seconds. Though quickly regaining her composure as she nods, muttering out a quiet, “whatever”, before she pushes past you with such force that you almost lose your balance.

Yeonjun sighs as he moves off the countertop, placing a hand on Beomgyu’s shoulder, “get her something to drink won’t you?” His friend frowns, “why me?” But Yeonjun doesn’t pay him any further mind as he, too, takes his leave, most likely in search of his raging girlfriend. 

As soon as he leaves, the previous tension seems to lift as everyone returns to whatever conversation they had been preoccupied with earlier. You breathe out a small sigh as you wrap your arms around you, leaning against the kitchen island as you keep your gaze down. — A drink is shoved in front of you, it’s reddish hue making you frown as you gingerly take it from Beomgyu’s outstretched hand. “T-Thanks”, you mumble as you grip the plastic cup tightly. 

You’re surprised when he doesn’t leave, instead he groans as he takes place beside you, resting his hands on the countertop behind him. “Y’know I really don’t understand why he invited you of all people.” He begins and you can feel his eyes roam your body with distaste. Swallowing, you quietly nod as you sip on the drink, it wasn’t at all as bitter as you had expected it to be, rather it tasted kind of sweet. 

“I…I don’t know either”, you shyly mumble, keeping the cup to your lips as you occupy yourself with gazing down at the liquid swirling around. Beomgyu scoffs as he shakes his head, “Of course you don’t. No one knows what’s going on in that thick skull of his.” — His words came out…almost insulting, and you wondered why he chose to speak in such a way about his friend. 

“You’ve got some guts though, I’ll give you that.” He states, running a hand through his messy hair as his eyes fixate on something in front of him. Surprised at the sudden almost compliment-like statement, you glance up at him in sheer bewilderment. “Not many people in your shoes would’ve come here”, he adds as he gives you a quick one-over. “No offense y’know, but you kinda look…” His nose scrunches up in what you could only guess to be disgust and you bite the inside of your cheek as your gaze drops to your dress. 

“O-Oh yeah…I guess.” 

Beomgyu chuckles, “My, are you gullible.” You internally wince at his words, a small grimace flickering across your face as you take another sip of your drink. You can feel his eyes on you as Beomgyu studies you closely, a little too close. “Y’know, maybe I do understand why he invited you”, he sniggers, pushing himself off the kitchen island, he leaves without saying another word. 

Left confused and yet again, alone, you chew on the plastic of your cup as you wonder how long you would have to stay before it would become appropriate to leave. 

⸝⸝

You think an hour had passed, it felt like three. Back pressed against the wall of the open-spaced living room, your eyes roam the makeshift dance floor as you watch the way your classmates enjoy their evening together. Your presence had soon become old news and after your first encounter, Mimi had left you alone, and so did everyone else. You were thankful, you supposed. But you still didn’t know why Yeonjun had invited you, much less why you had even decided to show up. Because right now, he was nowhere to be seen. 

You think that you might be able to just sneak out, leave, go home and forget that this evening ever took place. This wasn’t for you, that much you could tell. You would face the embarrassment come Monday, but today, now, all you wanted to do was evaporate. 

Standing up a bit straighter, you tug your dress down once more, preparing to leave. It’s only then he makes an appearance. It’s quick, so much so that if it weren’t for the subtle tap to your forearm, you would’ve probably missed him as he passed you by. Your eyes follow Yeonjun’s retreating frame as he aims for the staircase, leading to the second floor. Before climbing the first step, he throws a quick glance over his shoulder, eyes finding yours as he flashes you a small smirk. 

You gulp as you watch him disappear again. Nervously chewing on your bottom lip, your gaze flits across the room, no one was looking at you. Still you wait another five minutes before aiming for the stairs as well. Each step forward made your legs feel like jelly and you steadied yourself against the railing. 

The second floor consists of a long hallway, with doors either side of it, reaching down to at least four of them. Your heartbeat picks up at the thought of having to push all of them open as you carefully peeked inside. But your attention is drawn to the third one on the right, slightly ajar as a yellow light seeps through its cracks. Hesitantly you venture forward, coming to a halt in front of it as you debate your next move. Did you knock? Call out for him? Was he even there? Maybe you were seeing things. There was only one way to find out was there? 

Mustering up whatever courage you have left, you gently push the door open. The room is… a bedroom. A small onesize bed, pushed up against the window alongside the empty bedside table, tells you that it’s most likely a guest room. Your eyes flit to the armchair in the corner, widening as they land on Yeonjun’s figure, sprawled out against the cushion, a hand down his pants as he lazily strokes himself. He watches you with a faint smirk, his head leaning back against the backrest, eyes half lidded as they peer over at you. 

What was going on? You glance back and out into the hallway, afraid that someone, anyone, might walk by. What if Mimi came looking for him? But you were almost certain he’d meant for you to follow him. Quickly you shut the door behind you, locking it for good measure. Yeonjun watches your hurried movements with an amused expression, the hand on his cock unwavering.

“W-What’s all this?” You quietly wonder, willing your eyes to look anywhere but him, anywhere but the hand down his trousers. He doesn’t say anything, lifting his free hand, his index finger beckons you over and you hesitantly comply. Stopping by the chair, you awkwardly clasp your hands together in front of you as you wait for him to break the stale silence. 

“You look nice tonight.” He finally says, his voice seemingly indifferent as he shamelessly lets his gaze roam your body, stopping at the slight cleavage your dress provided. In the dim light casted by only a small lamp on the drawer next to him, you were unsure if he could make out the blush coating your cheeks or not. “Thank you..” 

He hums, readjusting himself on the soft cushions as his legs spread further apart. It takes everything in you not to let your gaze drop. For a moment everything is quiet, and you wonder why he had even bothered to get you up here in the first place. But then he sighs, the small exhale easily garnering your attention as you shift on the spot. 

“Have you ever blown someone before?” 

He asks the question as if it were any other and you feel the color on your cheeks intensifying. He can’t just ask someone something like that…But then again, there was little Choi Yeonjun couldn’t do. Part of you doesn’t understand why he even bothered to ask, wasn’t it obvious? Another part of you suspects that he wants to hear you admit it, wants to see you get flustered as you shake your head, squeaking out a meek “no, never.” 

That’s exactly what you do. — He smirks, a wide smirk, exposing his sharp teeth as his free hand grabs onto one of your own. You let him pull you to your knees, the soft carpet beneath your bare skin felt nice but it was hard to focus on anything but the bulge in front of your face, the movement of his hand visible through the material of his pants. 

“I’ll teach you”, he mumbles, letting go of your hand as he pushes your hair back, gaze wandering across the light makeup you had applied, lingering by the cherry red lipstick on your lips. You slowly nod, hands gripping onto the hem of your dress with such force that you’re surprised it doesn’t tear. 

Without further warning he leans back, swiftly pulling his cock free from his jeans as he continues to stroke it, now only inches from your face. Sure you and Yeonjun had hooked up before, in the darkness of the small storage unit, in places where you never paid his dick much attention apart from when it was inside of you. This was the first time you actually saw it, you think, and this close too. 

Your jaw goes slack as your eyes trail across the large veins climbing up his shaft, coated in a sheer layer of arousal, seeping through his fingers as they wrapped around the length of it. Gulping, you eye the tip, a bright red hue as droplets of precum spilled from the slit. You would be lying if you said that the sight didn’t make your thighs clench together. — Obviously enjoying your stunned response, Yeonjun groans as he gives himself a particularly harsh tug, making your eyes widen further as they flicker from his cock to his face and back again. 

“Come here”, he directs you to scoot forward and you do, offering your hand for him to take as he guides it to wrap around his shaft. He felt hard and heavy in your palm, and you bite your lip as you try to gauge his reaction. Letting his hand drop to his sides, Yeonjun sinks back against the cushion as he peers down at you. “Start slow, don’t use too much pressure but don’t be afraid to touch me. I’ll tell you when you can speed up.” He instructs as he lets his head fall back, getting comfortable as he pays you little mind. 

Your attention returns to his cock in your hand, doing as he said, you slowly let your palm glide up and down, fingers quickly becoming coated in the shiny layer of his arousal. You can’t tell if he likes it or not, he gives little reaction as he stares up at the ceiling. You want to ask him, you want him to reassure you, but it feels stupid to ask, and you hate feeling stupid. 

His hand joins in on top of your own, guiding your fingers to his tip, which you had purposefully avoided as you didn’t know how to approach it. “Flick your wrist like this”, he murmurs, letting your palm glide over the head before returning to stroke him. He only shows you once before his hand moves back to his side. But you can tell that he’s watching you now, eyes tailing your every movement as you repeat what he had just showed you, rolling your hand over his tip, drawing a small huff of air from him. 

“Use your thumb”, he breathes, and your gaze flickers to his face in slight confusion before catching on. The next time you twist your wrist over his head, you press the surface of your thumb against the slit. He shudders under you, a small groan passing his lips and your heart speeds up at the small confirmation you just received. It managed to boost your confidence enough to where you gripped him more firmly, experimentally squeezing his cock, just like he had done moments prior, relishing in the way his breath hitched. 

“You can go -f-fuck- faster.” He grunts, his hands sliding against the armrests of the chair, fingers digging into the plush cushion. Quickly nodding, you’re happy to oblige, repeating your previous movements but with an increased pace as your eyes dart between his leaking dick and his slightly contorted face. 

When he first twitches in your hand, you’re taken back. Surprised by the sudden movement yet you felt yourself throb as you tugged at him even harsher, wanting to pull that very same reaction from him once more. — He’s stopped guiding you, biting down on the inside of his cheek as he tries to muffle whatever noises threaten to escape. You don’t mind, in fact it only spurred you on further as you flicked your wrist over his flushed tip once more. 

His hips buck up against your hand as he lets out a strangled noise. His hand quickly finds its way to your hair, brushing it back as he breathes out through his nose. “Fuck, slow down”, he mutters, tugging at your hair as he forces your face up to meet his, “I’ll cum before you’ve even blown me at this rate.” The statement made your chest swell with pride, still, your hand slows down as you settle back into a more languid pace. 

He takes a moment to open his eyes, drawing in a few ragged breaths before he does. The hand in your hair moves to your face, cupping your cheeks as he pulls you closer, the tip of his cock merely inches from your lips and you swallow. “Relax”, he says, fingers pulling your mouth open and you let him. “Breathe through your nose, and don’t use your teeth.” — You slowly nod, your hands bracing themselves on his thighs as he taps his cock against your parted lips, smearing his arousal all over your cherry lipstick. 

He pushes inside slowly, you wince at the stretch, your mouth widening as much as it allows. The first thing you note is the salty taste, it isn’t particularly strong and you’re relieved. But no matter how hard you tried to relax your jaw, when his cock hit the back of your throat you instinctively pulled back with a small gag. — Yeonjun tsk’s above you, the hand on your cheeks gripping you firmer as he pulls you back onto his dick. “Thought I told you to relax, no?” He murmurs, letting out a breathy moan as you let him slide himself back into your hot mouth.   

Your eyes screw shut as you focus on evening out your breathing, taking steady breaths in and out through your nose as you allow your tense frame to relax under him. “Think of it as the same as what you did with your hand.” His fingers relax against your cheek, thumb grazing your skin as he feels the way his cock slides in and out of your pliant lips. — It feels weird at first, uncomfortable too, but after a while you slowly get used to the feeling of him in your mouth. 

Hesitantly wrapping your lips around him, you press your tongue flat against him as you carefully bob your head up and down. He groans somewhere above you and your eyes flutter open as you peer up at him through your mascara coated lashes. Yeonjun always looked good, but there was something about him like this, from this view. A sheer layer of sweat that made his dark hair stick to his forehead, his parted lips and furrowed brows, you clenched at the sight, taking him deeper and with much more urgency. 

Something about tonight felt…special, perhaps even more intimate than all your past encounters. Maybe it had to do with the change of scenery. The dimly lit bedroom, the plush armchair, the fine carpet, you can’t place it, but something is different. And for the first time, you can only think about Yeonjun, not his girlfriend, his friends or even your classmates. It was only him. 

Remembering how you had pressed your thumb against his slit earlier, you pull back to refocus your attention to only his tip, your hand joining in to stroke the rest of him. You press your tongue flat against his head before swirling it to the best of your abilities, watching intently as Yeonjun’s brows drew further together, a breathy moan ripping from deep within his chest. 

“F-Fucking hell”, he groans, his head falling back against the cushion. “Fuck ‘m gonna-” His hips jerk forward, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat and you pull back with a small wince, unprepared for when his hot cum spurted into your mouth. Not really knowing which approach to take, you continue to suck him off, cum dribbling down your chin as you fought to swallow the rest without losing your breath once more. Yeonjun slumps back against the armchair, his hand releasing its hold on your cheeks as he lets it fall to his side. 

Carefully pulling off of him, you sit back as you begin wiping your chin with the back of your hand. You steal a glance at him, his chest heaving as he catches his breath. Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head as a small grin etches its way to his lips. — “Was…was it okay?” Your words are barely above a whisper, and he cocks an eyebrow at you, his grin widening. 

“Sure it was, nerd.” 

You blink up at him, “really?” — He chuckles, tucking himself back into his pants with a small grimace. “Would I have asked you to do it if I had doubts?” He retorts and you bite your lip, no perhaps not you supposed. “You’ll get even better with a bit of practice”, he reassures you, giving your head a light pat before getting up. 

He’s reached the door before he turns back to you, “wait another fifteen minutes or so before leaving, yeah?” Without waiting to hear your answer, he unlocks the door and steps out, slamming it shut behind him. 

⸝⸝

You spent another thirty minutes aimlessly wandering around the large villa, astonished by how someone could afford a place this big. You still had no clue whose house this even was, and no one seemed to care for the sake either. — Halfway down a long corridor, filled with what you could only assume to be modern art, you suddenly freeze in your tracks as the voices of someone else joins your quiet footsteps. 

After spending a rough minute trying to locate the source of the sound, you finally realize that it’s coming from behind one of the larger pillars a few paces ahead. Debating your choices for a solid ten seconds, you opt to try and eavesdrop, if only for a moment. And as you quietly creep forward, their conversation suddenly becomes a lot more clear. — Shuffling to squeeze yourself behind another pillar, you lean against the cool marble as you try and pick up on what’s being said. 

You knew the voices belonged to two of the girls from your class, but you were unable to pair them with any faces. — “Did he really?” One of them asks, her voice is slightly high-pitched, almost a bit squeaky. Her friend’s voice is fairly deeper as she replies, “Yes! And it was a week before her birthday too!” A small gasp. “You don’t mean… But with whom?” The first girl asks. 

There’s a brief pause, and you, too, find yourself holding your breath as you await the second girl's answer. “With Hera..” You frown, unable to recognize the name but the other girl seemed more than aware as she let out a small shriek, earning a sharp “hush!” from her friend. — “But that’s…” the first girl begins only to be interrupted by her friend, “her best friend.” 

Their conversation made little sense in your ears, and with a small sigh you turned to walk the other way when suddenly, a familiar name surfaced. — “But it was kind of obvious was it not”, the girl with the deeper voice begins, “Yeonjun has cheated on Mimi with practically all of her friends. She’s bound to find out some day, it’s only a matter of time.” 

You felt your face fall as your heart plummeted through your stomach. Had you heard them right? You hoped you hadn’t but the first girl quickly butts in as she confirms what you dreaded. “I told her from the start that Yeonjun was promiscuous, but she didn’t listen of course”, the girl huffs as her friend hums in agreement. “Better her than me”, she adds. 

You had heard enough. That was it, you were going home. Turning on your heel, you quietly dart down the long corridor. — You knew that you didn't have a reason to be upset, hell he had even cheated on his girlfriend with you. It still didn’t stop the tears that pricked in your eyes as you pushed past the crowd in the kitchen. A small part of you had thought, perhaps even hoped that maybe, maybe what he saw in you was different from what he saw in Mimi. God you’re so stupid. You quietly mutter, reaching the open living room just in time to see who you had hoped you wouldn’t. 

Near the front door, leaning against the wall, was Yeonjun, arms wrapped around his girlfriend’s frame as she pressed sloppy kisses to his neck. Your mind flashes with the images of what had taken place between the two of you not even an hour ago. Yet here he was, shamelessly buttering his so-called girlfriend up as if he hadn’t had you on his cock moments prior. And to think that you had allowed yourself to become part of his crowd, it was disgusting. 

You finally saw Choi Yeonjun for what he really was. A fucking asshole. And with that clarification in mind, you forcefully push past the pair as you march out of the front door, leaving the still lively party behind as you begin your journey home. 

⸝⸝

Monday came all too fast. The aftermath of the party is still fresh in your mind as you rummage through your locker. You had spent the whole weekend reanalyzing your every interaction with Yeonjun; from the day you first met to the thirty minutes spent in the guest bedroom just two days ago. You questioned his true intentions, more than twice. But no matter how many hours you tossed and turned in bed, you got no closer to solving the mystery that was Choi Yeonjun. 

Slamming the red steel door shut, you almost drop the books in your arm as you come face to face with the person you least wanted to see. — Yeonjun leans against the locker next to yours as he studies your face intently. Quickly you turn around to see if anyone was watching the two of you before shifting your attention back to him. “What are you doing?” You whisper as you watch him with a wary expression. 

He only shrugs, a small grin playing on his lips. “See me after class”, he nods in the direction of the stairs, leading to the third floor and you internally sigh. Still, you should talk to him, you really should, so you nod. “Okay.” — His grin widens as Yeonjun pushes himself off the locker, continuing down the hallway without another word. 

You find yourself counting down the hours, lesson after lesson, your eyes remain glued to the clock on the wall. In fact, you’re so focused on the afternoon ahead that the insults thrown your way merely passes over your head. — Then finally, after what feels like an eternity, you find yourself walking up the steps and past the doors as you neared room 291.

He was already there, waiting for you. And as soon as the red door closes behind you, he’s got you pressed up against it, hungry lips on yours within a matter of seconds as his hands roam your body. It was easy to get caught up in his world, his kisses and his touches, you have to remind yourself of why you came here. His name falls from your lips, but it’s not the usual desperate whine, it’s serious, you know that he can tell, humming against your lips yet his hands don’t stray away from wandering beneath your shirt. 

"Yeonjun, wait." 

He stills, if only for a moment, leaning back slightly as his lips brush against yours. Taking in a deep breath, you prepare yourself for the conversation to come. You had rehearsed it many times in your head, but as you glance up at him in the dim light of the storage unit, you find it hard to even look him in the eyes. “I…I’ve been thinking”, you slowly begin, watching the faint smirk that surfaces on his face. “Don’t you always, nerd.” He mutters, his hands resuming their journey up your chest, flicking the buttons to your shirt open as his mouth leaves hot kisses against your neck. 

You try to ignore the burning sensation sparking through your body, forcing yourself to go through with what you wanted to say. “Yes but, I’ve been thinking about…about us.” — Your words make his hands around your breasts stutter and he goes quiet against you. Biting your lip, you hold your breath as you wait for him to say something, but he doesn’t, only humming against your skin as he continues to litter you in red marks. 

“What makes you think there is an ‘us’?” 

His question makes your composure fall as you let out a shaky exhale. “There isn't?" You hesitantly ask, already anticipating the answer you were bound to receive. — He pulls away from you with a perplexed expression. Then he laughs, it’s short, cruel, he shakes his head. “Don’t be funny”, he mutters as he runs a hand through his dark hair. “You know that I have a girlfriend, nerd.” He spits the words out like the venomous bite of a snake. His gaze drops to your unbuttoned blazer, briefly passing the harsh bruises he’d previously left on your chest.

“Don’t think you’re anything else besides a quick fuck.” 

Oh. There it was. He finally said it, he finally confirmed what you had been dreading all along. You weren’t stupid, you knew that whatever the two of you had was nothing romantic. But hearing those words come out of his mouth, it hurt more than you ever thought it would’ve. Still, it was just what you needed. With your palms pressed against his chest, you push him back, as far away from you as the small room allowed. 

“I don’t think I want to be that.” 

Your voice is trembling as you speak and you have to force your gaze not to drop down to your shoes. Letting your hands fall back against your sides, you draw in a small breath, holding it as you watch Yeonjun’s face form into a confused frown. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He huffs, sounding almost angry as his hands clenched into fists before relaxing again. 

You bite the inside of your cheek, giving a meek shrug of your shoulders. “I don’t want to be just a… a quick fuck.” You murmur, unable to maintain his intense gaze, you let your eyes drop to the floor. He scoffs, leaning back against the shelves with such force that the items behind him rattled. “Do you honestly believe that anyone else is even going to consider fucking you, nerd?” He was pissed, that much you could tell. 

Shaking your head, you blink away the tears that had managed to form in your eyes. “I don’t care, I just…”, you exhale, praying that your voice wouldn’t break as you continued, “I just don’t think this is for me.” — Yeonjun laughs, the same laugh that echoed off the classroom walls as he made fun of you. You realize then just how fucked up your situation had become. How could you have allowed yourself to stoop to such a level? 

“I gave you so much, and you… you don’t think that it’s for you?” He jeers, taking a step forward as he comes face to face with you once more. But now none of the previous lust and desire remained, only fury. All you can do is continuously shake your head, not daring to meet his gaze. “No. It’s not.” You state as you tear your eyes from the floor, it takes everything in you to not have your resolve crumbling as you peer up at him. 

“So let’s stop.” 

You motion toward the small unit you were currently standing in. “Whatever this is, was, let’s end it now.” You swallow, hard, the sound ringing in your ears. Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair once more, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek as his eyes flit between you and the door. “You want to end things? Fine.” His voice lacks all the anger it previously held, now sounding almost monotone. 

“But don’t come crying when you realize just how much you’re about to lose.” He drawls, eyes boring into yours one final time before he pushes past you, knocking you back against the wall as he rips the door open. Darkness envelops you as soon as it's slammed shut behind him, and you finally let out the sob you had been holding in. 

⸝⸝

You didn’t go to school that following Tuesday, nor Wednesday. It was the first time you had missed a whole day since your junior year in highschool. Was it pathetic? Probably. Curled up on your bed, you spent the two days in front of your laptop, binging whatever show seemed appealing as you sniffled into a tissue. — You wanted to go back in time, back to when you only knew Yeonjun as the obnoxious leader of bullies from your class, back to when things were simple. 

You wondered what he might’ve said about you in your absence. What kind of lies he might’ve conducted, surely he wouldn’t just sit still. You dreaded returning, but you knew that it was inevitable, and as Thursday rolled around, you pulled yourself from bed. 

The classroom was empty when you arrived, there was another thirty minutes left but you had chosen to get there earlier to save yourself perhaps at least a few stares as you walked toward your desk. You had missed a lot, you were sure, two days was a long time to be away from school and you worried that you would have a lot of reading to do when you came back home. Though you supposed the distraction of studying would be nice. 

It’s about ten minutes left until class when the first few students emerged from the doors, swinging their bags down on their desks as they chatted loudly with one another. “Watch it nerd!” A girl sneers as she gives the leg of your chair a harsh kick, you grip onto the edge of your table as you hang your head low. But beside that, nothing happens, and you frown. You were sure it was going to be worse than this, but it wasn’t. For the first time ever you felt relieved that your classmates were treating you indifferent. Well, all except one. 

Yeonjun doesn’t show up to first period. And just as you think he’s about to be absent for the second one as well, the door is pushed open as he walks inside. Yeonjun seldom did what he was supposed to in class, but he always brought his bag, not today though. You tried to not let your eyes linger, inevitably failing as you watched him pull out his chair and sit down, his hands remaining in his pockets as he leaned back to gaze across the board with a lazy expression. In regular fashion, Beomgyu goes off about a random topic next to him as Soobin twirls a pen between his fingers, seemingly bored out of his mind. 

Class begins, and ends, and nothing happens. Not even as much as a glare in your direction. It was just like before, before the two of you were ever intimate, Yeonjun acted as if you didn’t exist, and you watched him. But this time, you didn’t feel a sense of longing, honestly, you didn’t know what you felt. Relief, a sense of mourning, regret? You didn’t like the way your stomach felt when you looked at him, so you stopped. 

⸝⸝

Weeks went by, the bullying never stopped, why would it? You kept quiet, your gaze downcast as you moved through the hallways. It worked, because you rarely saw him anymore. You didn’t know if he was avoiding you or not, you didn’t care. It felt nice to not care. The only thing tugging away at you now… was the loneliness. It wasn’t like Yeonjun acted friendly with you, especially not during school hours, but he had made you feel less alone. In the most fucked up way possible, he was the only one you had ever had some kind of relationship with since your first day here. And a small part of you missed it. 

But even the loneliness would one day stop. 

You blink up as a plate is placed opposite yours in the crowded cafeteria. Confused, your eyes darted between the boy before of you and the plenty of empty tables. He doesn’t seem to care as he slides down on the chair in front of yours. “You’re the junior girl who takes classes with the seniors right?” He asks as he tilts his head to the side, studying you with wide and curious eyes. — Still wary of the intentions behind his move to sit with you, you slowly nod, “I am.” 

He smiles, it was perhaps one of the first genuine smiles you had received since you started here. Shuffling a bit closer, he offers his hand for you to shake, which you hesitantly do. “I’m Hueningkai, but you can just call me Kai.” He says as you let go of his hand once more. — “I’m a junior too, but I’m stuck with everyone else our age”, he explains with a coy smile. 

You nod, taking a small sip of your water. His eyes shift to the book placed next to your tray. “Lord Of The Rings?” He asks and you hum as you turn it around for him to see. “I love those books!” He exclaims as he brings it to his face, studying the back intently. “I’m re-reading them..” You quietly mumble as your gaze flickers between him and the glass in your hand. Kai sets the book down as he turns to you, “you mean you’ve read all this more than once? Sick!” 

That was how you met Kai. You don’t know why he approached you, you didn’t care to ask. All you knew was that you had finally found a friend. And though the two of you still took separate classes, you always stayed behind to study together, ate lunch just the two of you, and walked each other to class. It felt nice to have someone to talk to, even though you didn’t tell him about you and Yeonjun, he still listened to you as you explained all of the bullying. 

You were amongst the last to return to class after lunch one lousy Tuesday. Kai and you had spent the entire break discussing quantum physics, and you had only realized the time once you went to search something up on your phone, making you rush to class. Not thinking much of the rare occurrence, you make your way over to your desk by the very back of the room, only freezing when one of your classmates addresses you. 

“What’s got you coming in so late, nerd?” He sneers as he leans back in his chair to see you better. With the intention of not replying, you take your seat as you begin rummaging through your stuffed bag. But when another girl butts in, you feel yourself go stiff. “Don’t you know?” She drawls, easily garnering the first guy’s attention as well as everyone around her. Even the Choi’s seemed to be listening as Beomgyu put down his phone. You held your breath, anticipating the worst yet it somehow ended up being so far from anything you could’ve ever imagined. 

“Nerd’s got a boyfriend.” She exclaims, watching triumphantly as everyone began whispering amongst each other, hushed murmurs carrying around the room. You felt your face burn as you glanced toward Yeonjun’s table. — He was still scrolling absentmindedly on his phone, but the way his jaw clenched, accompanied with the small frown of his brows, made your stomach sink just slightly. 

“That’s such bullshit!” Mimi exclaims as she throws you a harsh glare. But the girl who’d announced the news merely shakes her head. “I’ve seen them myself!” She retorts as she folds her arms across her chest. “That junior boy, y’know the blonde one.” — “I’ve seen them too!” Someone else chirps in and the girl is quick to nod. 

“They always eat lunch together too”, the girl turns to you with a wide smirk, “isn’t that right nerd?” — Your fingers curled around the pencil in your hand, gripping it with such force that it might break. You don’t look at her, gaze dropping to your table as you merely shook your head, earning a scoff from the girl as she turned back to the rest of the class. 

“Shit, are you serious?” Beomgyu wonders as he leans forward in his chair. But before the girl has a chance to reply, Yeonjun cuts her off. “Don’t be stupid”, he mutters as he pulls Beomgyu back by the collar of his shirt. — “What the fuck man, it’s just a question”, he whines as he rubs his now sore neck. Yeonjun huffs as his gaze remains glued to his phone screen, “of course she isn’t serious. Stop believing her bullshit.” 

Beomgyu falls silent at his words and so does everyone else. The next few minutes are awkward as everyone scrambles to occupy themselves with whatever they could find, desperately wishing for your professor to walk through the doors. 

⸝⸝

The sound of the old library doors being pushed open shifts your focus from the book in your lap as you glance up just in time to see Kai approaching your desk. He smiles, waving his hand enthusiastically and you find yourself reciprocating the small move. — “Sorry I’m late”, he apologizes as he takes the seat next to yours, pulling a few books from his bag. “It’s fine, really”, you assure him as you place your own book down. 

It had become routine for the two of you to meet up and study together, well, you often just talked the hours away, but neither of you seemed to mind the lack of work getting done. “Which chapter are you on?” He wonders, and you slide the book over for the two of you to share, “fifteen.” He nods as he scoots closer, your shoulders practically touching as you take turns reading and scribbling down notes. 

Usually you didn’t mind the close proximity, but when thinking back of what had transpired after lunch earlier that day, you felt different. Ever since your break up with Yeonjun, if break up was even what you could call it, you had little desire to enter into a new relationship. But the more you mulled over your classmate’s words, the more sense it all seemed to make. — Eating lunch together, walking each other to class, even now, you both sat so close that you could hear the pattern of his breathing. 

Kai was cute. He was the type of cute that made you look back twice when you passed him on the street, the type of cute that made you want to revisit the small café because of the waiter that had served you, the type of cute that you wanted to bring home to your parents. — Not only was he cute, he was nice too, you felt happy, comforted, in his presence. Unlike Yeonjun, Kai only made you feel giddy inside as you longed to see him. He never made you second guess his intentions or yourself. 

But there was still something missing, something that you couldn’t quite place. Something that Yeonjun had made you feel by just stepping into the same room as you. You hated yourself for comparing your new friend to someone like him, but it felt almost impossible not to. You didn’t care about Choi Yeonjun anymore, so why did he continue to haunt the subconscious parts of your mind? 

As if on cue, Kai turns around in his seat, his nose almost grazing your own due to how close you sat. “Hey are you following along?” He wonders, seemingly concerned as a small frown tugs at his brows. Blinking, you shake your head, “sorry no..” — You swallow, willing yourself to be honest with him, you need to be.

“Can I…can I tell you something?” You hesitantly ask, gnawing on your bottom lip as you twirl your pencil anxiously between your fingers. He nods, a small smile painting his lips, “of course!”  — Awkwardly clearing your throat, you think of a way to begin the whole thing. “W-Well basically…Everyone in my class they-” 

Your words get stuck in your throat, not because you were afraid of uttering them, not because Kai made you in any way feel uneasy. But because the oak doors to the library opened once more, the sound almost deafening to your ears, eyes becoming glued to Yeonjun’s frame as he enters. It doesn’t take him long to spot you, his already spiteful expression seemingly worsening as his gaze locks with yours. 

He grasps a book tightly in one hand, walking over to the front desk as he practically slams it on the table, making everyone inside the room jump as their heads turn in his direction. Yeonjun however, pays them little mind, his eyes never straying from yours as the old librarian goes to check out his book. — Even Kai’s attention had shifted toward your classmate, watching as Yeonjun leaned against the desk with a scowl on his face. 

“Isn’t he in your class?” He wonders as the frown on his face deepens. You nod, “ignore him”, you mumble as you shift uncomfortably under his intense gaze. “But he’s looking at you..” Kai states and you shake your head again, “please let’s just ignore him.” — Finally, Kai tears his gaze from him as he gives you a small nod, “of course. So what’d you want to tell me?” 

Oh right. “Well I… It’s a bit weird, promise you won’t be freaked out.” You begin as you bite your lip, feeling an evident blush rise on your cheeks. Kai nods as he takes your hand, the small action somehow making the whole thing even worse but you couldn’t find it in you to push him off. From the corner of your eye, you can make out Yeonjun’s figure as he watches the two of you, his mere presence made the hairs on the back of your neck stand. 

“My classmates they…they sort of think we’re…well they think we’re dating..” You quietly mumble, the last part becoming nothing more but a faint whisper. You can easily read his surprise as Kai’s eyes widen, his gaze flitting down to his hand on top of yours as he swallows. “Oh.” Is all he says. — “I hope it doesn’t make things weird between us”, you quickly add, your voice near pleading as you search his gaze. 

Biting the inside of his cheek, Kai slowly nods as he keeps his eyes on your hands. “No I suppose it doesn’t… I mean, it’s not like it’s true..” He says, offering you a small smile as his gaze returns to your face. You nod, “y-yeah, exactly..” — Daring to steal a glance in the direction of Yeonjun, you barely manage to catch his retreating figure as he exits the library, oak doors slamming shut behind him. 

Kai follows your gaze, his hand on top of yours moving back to rest on his lap as his eyes flicker between the spot where Yeonjun just vanished and your almost longing expression. He sighs. 

⸝⸝

It’s nearing 6pm when you finally part ways outside the library. And after waving Kai off, you turn to walk up the flight of stairs leading to your locker. The hallways are vacant, your low heel shoes clacking against its floors as you readjust your heavy bag on your shoulder. — Your footsteps come to an abrupt halt about halfway down the long corridor, your eyes spotting a tall figure, leaning against the red lockers by the end of the hall. You swallow, easily recognizing his lean frame. It’s too late to turn back, you know that he’s heard you already. 

“Have you been waiting here all along?” You wonder, stopping a few paces from him, maintaining a good distance as you shift your weight over to one leg. Yeonjun’s head, previously leaning against the red steel behind him, lazily turns in your direction as he studies you with a tired expression. “No.” — You knew it was a lie. 

“Then why are you here?” For once, it’s your gaze boring into his, and not the other way around. Yeonjun remains silent, his hands digging deep into the pockets of his pants, his eyes roaming your body just like they had so many times before. He doesn’t say anything. You wait for him to speak, you wait for two whole minutes. Nothing. 

With a small huff, you give up as you approach your locker. Now only inches from him, you type your code in as the red door clicks open. Pulling your books from your bag, he watches you as you place them neatly inside the small space. You bite your tongue, refraining from saying the many things on your mind. It would only complicate the situation further. — It’s not until you close the locker again, turning around as you get ready to leave, that he finally breaks the silence. 

“Is it true?” 

You freeze, slowly turning back to face him with a small frown. Still leaning against the lockers, he tilts his head to the side, his expression holds no amusement, not even anger, just…emptiness. You had never seen him like that before. — “What?” The surprise is evident in your voice, and you watch as he pushes himself off the lockers, moving to face you completely. “You and him, is it true?” He repeats his question and your breath gets stuck in your throat at the mention of Kai. 

You didn’t want him to become the next affection of Yeonjun’s harsh bullying. More than anything, you wanted to maintain the only friendship you had, you could not have your past mistakes getting in the way of it. — “Does it matter?” Your stance remains guarded as you fold your arms across your chest. He cocks an eyebrow in your direction, his lip twitching, “of course not.” 

Confused, you frown, you had forgotten how near impossible he was to read. “Well then there you have your answer.” You firmly state. He shakes his head, and you could’ve sworn you caught the small grin on his face before it vanished again. “So then it is true..” — “Yes.” The small word of confirmation slips from your lips without you even realizing it. But it was too late to take it back now. Yeonjun frowns, he seems almost surprised at your immediate response.   

“It’s true that we hang out everyday. It’s true that he makes me smile, and laugh. It’s true that he cares for me and I for him. All of it is true, is that what you wanted to hear?” You’re almost out of breath by the end of your small rant. — Yeonjun’s jaw clenches, hands curling into fists inside his pockets as he draws in a sharp breath through his nose. 

“So does it really matter if it’s true or not when he treats me in a way that makes me feel loved and appreciated?” You’re unable to hinder yourself from letting out all the emotions that you had kept pent up during the past weeks. And by the end, your voice sounds as if it’s about to break at any moment. — But he doesn’t say anything. His expression remained as indifferent as possible, watching the way your chest heaved as you caught your breath again. 

His silence felt heavier than a thousand words. Part of you wants to swallow your statement again, another part is relieved to finally have gotten it out. You quickly realized that you probably wouldn’t get another response from him, and thus you made your second move to leave. Except this time, he acts faster. 

Fingers wrapping around your wrist, Yeonjun prevents you from taking another step away from him. His grip is tight, but not enough to hurt, you can feel the slight tremble to his hand and your gaze dart between his hold on you to his now determined expression. 

“I could too.” 

His voice is low, yet the sentence echoes off the empty hallway walls. Your heart thumps loudly in your chest, blood rushing beneath your skin as your wide eyes meet his. — “I could make you feel like that too.” His voice is clearer now, steadier, and he takes a step forward. You find yourself shaking your head, making him frown. “Why, don’t you believe me?” 

The question made you scoff. “Of course I don’t.” You exclaim as you withdraw your arm from his grip, he lets you, briefly glancing down to his now empty hand before letting it fall to his side. “You’ve said it yourself. I’m nothing besides a quick fuck, right?” — He bites the inside of his cheek, your words undoubtedly true. 

Maybe three weeks ago, his small statement would’ve been able to sway you, to make your heart beat a little faster. Now it only felt like he was rubbing salt onto your barely healed wounds. Just as you had gotten over him, just as you had finally made a real friend, he had to go and ruin it all again by saying exactly what you both dreaded and longed to hear from him. And you hated him for it. You hated Choi Yeonjun. 

Tears stung in your eyes, threatening to spill down your cheeks. You couldn’t let him see you cry. — He grabs onto you a second time as you turn to leave, pulling you flush against his chest with such haste that you barely have time to register what’s happening before his lips are on yours. “Don’t go”, he breathes into your mouth, kissing you with such urgency that you thought he might just be on the verge of dying. 

Your hands are on his chest within seconds as you pry him off. “Stop. Just stop.” Your pleading voice cuts like knives through the air and he pulls back with a stunned expression. Shaking your head, you tear yourself from him as you take a step back. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you. But it better stop.” He opens his mouth to say something but you beat him to it. “Don’t let me get my hopes up only to crush them again.” 

Refusing to hear him out any longer, you quickly turn on your heel as you hurriedly walk down the hallway, leaving him behind as he runs a hand through his dark hair. 

⸝⸝

The next day, Yeonjun doesn’t show up to school. You’re just as confused as everyone else, your eyes darting toward the door every other second, thinking that it might be him, but it never is. — “Is he sick?” Someone asks but Beomgyu only shakes his head, leaning back in his chair with a small huff, “beats me.” Ah, so he didn’t know either. Gnawing on your bottom lip, you’re suddenly filled with worry, was it because of what happened yesterday? Was he actually hurt by it? No, surely not, it was Choi Yeonjun after all. 

It’s not until the doors bursts open once more, revealing a disheveled Mimi, that realization slowly starts to set in. Her usually put together face is in ruins as makeup has been smeared across her cheeks. Heads turn in her direction as one of her friends guides her over to her desk. — “What happened?” A guy asks only to be hushed by her friend, quietly mouthing out the words: “he broke up with her.” 

Everyone seems to fall silent after that, allowing Mimi’s quiet sobs to fill the room as you wait for class to start. — He broke up with her… You blink, glancing down to the empty page in your notebook as you swallow. Did that also have anything to do with what happened yesterday? Once again you’re left feeling guilty, Yeonjun always seemed to make you feel that way. 

When your professor finally arrives, the lecture moves slowly, agonizingly so. And for once, you didn’t find any joy in your studies. Sure it might also have something to do with the persistent feeling of being watched. — Turning your head ever so slightly to the right, you find Soobin’s eyes locked on your unnerved frame. Not even when he knows that you’ve caught him does he turn away.

He continues to watch you throughout the day. Wherever you went, he seemed to be there too. Eyes boring into you at all times, an indifferent expression on his face. He knew something, that much you were sure of. 

⸝⸝

Finally, as your last lesson comes to an end, you manage to slip past Soobin’s prying gaze as you hurried down the stairs to meet Kai. The two of you had begun accompanying each other on the way home as you both took the bus from the same station. — You find him waiting by the entrance, a large smile plastered across his face and as soon as your eyes fell on him, all worries were washed away. 

“How was class?” He asks as you walk down the courtyard. You shrug, swinging your bag in front of you cheerily, “nothing out of the ordinary.” — “No mean comments, no nothing?” He wonders and you bite the inside of your cheek, “no…actually not.” After the news of Mimi’s breakup, everyone had fallen into this sort of trance where no one seemed to want to bring attention to themselves. Thus you had been left alone all day, which felt both nice and incredibly weird. 

Kai hums, the two of you were walking so close that your arms brushed together, but you didn’t mind. Once you reach the large gates leading out onto the streets however, you freeze. Stopping a pace in front of you, Kai turns to you with a small frown, “something wrong?” — You shake your head, “no…I just.. think I left a book behind, you go ahead.” 

He opens his mouth, as if to object but you quickly interrupt him, “it’s fine! I wouldn’t want you to miss your bus”, you reassure him as you offer a small smile. “Then what about you?” He wonders but you just wave it off in a disregarding manner, “I’ll take the next one, don’t worry about me.” He doesn’t seem entirely convinced but the small hug you give him makes him nod. “Alright, text me when you get home”, he says and you quickly agree as you send him off. 

You watch him disappear down the pavement with a small sigh. Not until he’s completely out of sight do you turn to cross the street. You walk with long and determined strides, not stopping until you reach the large tree by the sidewalk. — Yeonjun isn’t wearing his usual school uniform, instead he’s dressed in a dark pair of jeans, a black jacket wrapped around his torso to prevent the chilly December air from getting to him. He leans against the naked tree trunk, his gaze flickering from the concrete beneath him and over to you as you approach. 

Feet planting in front of his, you cross your arms as you peer up at him with an expectant look on your face. He doesn’t say anything, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. Unable to bear the silence, you break it. “You didn’t come to school today.” You don’t know why you stated the obvious, perhaps you wanted him to explain himself, but he doesn’t, only nodding silently. 

Frustrated, you run a hand through your hair. He wanted to talk to you, right? That’s why he was waiting across the street from your college, openly risking being spotted by your classmates. So why wasn’t he saying anything? — Huffing out a short breath, you part your lips to say something, but he’s quicker than you. 

“I broke up with her”, he calmly states. His posture remains relaxed as he speaks but his eyes search yours with something akin to desperation. — “I know.” You mumble, biting the inside of your lip before continuing, “she was crying all day, did you know that?” He scoffs, “so?” His nonchalant approach made you frown, “so? Don’t you care?” Your question is met by the mere shake of his head as he shrugs, “no, do you?” 

“I do.” 

He hadn’t expected your answer, you could tell by the way his face dropped, if only for a moment. “Why? It’s not exactly like she’s a good person.” He jeers, shoving his hands deeper into the denim pockets of his jeans. “And you are?” Even though your voice remains steady, there’s a linger of hurt between your quiet words. — He goes silent in front of you as his gaze flits between yours and the entrance behind him. 

“Why are you even here, Yeonjun?” Your tone is near accusing and he looks almost guilty as his attention shifts back to you. He swallows, rubbing a hand along his neck, as if stalling for time. You bite your tongue, waiting patiently for him to speak. — “Why do you like him?”, he finally asks. It hardly took a genius to guess who he was referring to. 

You sigh, observing the way the naked branches of the tree moved against the mild breeze. “I told you, didn’t I?” You drawl, readjusting the bag swung over your shoulder. The corner of his mouth twitches as Yeonjun shakes his head, “that’s not what I wanted to hear.” — “And you think you’re in a position to make demands like that?” You snort, watching as he pushes himself off the tree before taking a step in your direction. 

Leaning back to glance up at him, you try your best to hold your ground as he tilts his head to the side, cocking a questioning eyebrow at you. “Then tell me what I need to do.” — Your mouth falls open as you gawk at him, what was he implying? Taking a step back only ends up with him taking yet another forward, his hands coming up from his pockets to rest on your shoulders. 

“Tell me how to be like him.” 

Slowly you realize just what he was asking of you. Immediately shaking your head, you take yet another step back. “It doesn’t work like that.” You quietly murmur, averting your gaze to avoid looking him in the eyes. He frowns, a confused frown, “sure it does”, he says, sounding almost hopeful as he grips your shoulders tighter. “Just tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it.” 

Did he honestly think that everything could be undone just like that? The pain, the tears, the bullying, that he could take it all back just because he wanted to? Just because he had a change of heart? The thought was almost as ridiculous as his proposal. — This was Choi Yeonjun, he wasn’t about to change his ways just because of you, you should know that. Whatever this was, this moment of confusion, it wouldn’t last, and you had to pull out before you got hurt, again. 

“I don’t know what you want from me…” You bite back the harsh insults waiting on your tongue, shaking your head once more. “I don’t know what it is, and I don’t care. Please just stop confusing me”, you almost beg as you try to pry his hands off of you. — Yeonjun looks perplexed as he lets you push him off. “Confusing you? I don’t–” 

“Do you think I’m stupid?” You retort, your voice growing in intensity as you failed to hold back the anger and resentment you held for him. “I let you screw me over, I let you use me, humiliate me, I put up with all of it, because…” You exhale, taking a step forward as you point an accusing finger to his chest. “Because at one point I thought that I liked you, but I don’t. I know exactly what you are and I know that you won’t change.” 

He frowns, his fingers wrapping around your wrist on his chest. “You don’t know the first thing about m-” — “I do.” You cut him off, aware of the way his jaw clenches as his grip on your wrist tightens. “I know that you cheat, you lie, you use people as you please, and worst of all, you don’t even feel guilty about it.” 

You tear yourself from his grasp, stumbling backward as you cradle your sore wrist. “I know far from everything about you”, you state, watching him bite the inside of his cheek as he fights off the remark he so desperately wished to fire. — “But I know that I hate you. And that’s enough reason for me to stay as far away from you as possible.” 

“So please, leave me the fuck alone.” 

As soon as you turn around to dart down the street, the tears spill from your eyes as you sob into your open palm. More than anything, you regret ever becoming infatuated with him. 

⸝⸝

Yeonjun didn’t come to school the following day either, nor the day after that. People stopped asking about him, only becoming disregarded by both Beomgyu and Soobin as the two kept to themselves. Yet the taller’s persistent stares remained as Soobin watched your every move, like a hawk stalking its prey. Even now, as you sat by your usual table, listening to Kai as he rambled on about a random topic, did you feel his gaze on you. 

“D-Did you hear me?” 

Kai’s hesitant voice snaps you from your trance as your eyes shift to his fidgety frame. Nervously twisting the hem of his uniform, he gives you a sheepish smile. You blink, “I…s–sorry what did you say?” You wonder, feeling a bit embarrassed by your lack of engagement as he spoke. But Kai only shakes his head, the tips of his ears turning pink as he clears his throat. “I was wondering if… if you would maybe want to study this weekend a-at my place?” 

You could tell that it had taken almost all his courage to ask the simple question. But somehow you find yourself comparing it to how easy such demands had fallen from Yeonjun’s lips as he shamelessly took whatever he wanted. Internally you curse yourself for letting your mind so comfortably shift to the subject of Yeonjun when you had tried so hard to forget about him. 

“Sure I would love to!” You smile, heart swelling at the endearing sight before you as Kai’s face practically explodes in an ocean of red. “R-Really?” He asks and you nod, “of course!” — You’re about to ask him what time would be suitable when suddenly a large shadow  is casted over your table. Squinting up your eyes lock with none other than Choi Soobin as he peers down at you with a vacant expression. 

“I need to talk to you.” He states in a monotone voice, jutting his chin toward the large entryway of the cafeteria. Your gaze flits between him and Kai as your friend shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “O-Okay”, you quietly mumble, giving Kai an apologetic look as you get up to trail after Soobin’s tall frame. 

He walks fast, and you almost have to jog in order to keep up. Pushing past the crowded hallways, Soobin doesn’t seem to mind the multiple glances shot his way. The two of you walk for a good five minutes without stopping, and just as you’re about to ask where you’re going, he comes to an abrupt halt, making you almost facepalm against his back.

With the light kick of his foot, the door to a vacant classroom swings open and he steps inside, seemingly waiting for you to do the same. — Once the door is shut behind you, he turns to lean against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. Nervously, you tug at the collar of your blazer as you glance around the dark room. 

You don’t think you had been alone with Soobin, ever. Nor did you think that you had ever heard him utter more than two words out loud. And he had never directed a single one to you. So to say that your current situation was surprising, would be a grave understatement. — You think a whole minute must have passed when he finally speaks. But the words coming out of his mouth made you wish for everything to be silent again. 

“What’s your deal with Yeonjun?” 

His voice is low, barely above a murmur, and deep too. Not at all like his snarky friends whose laughs would echo off the hallways. You swallow, hard, the sound is audible in the otherwise quiet room. Unlike Beomgyu, Soobin never once picked on you, nor did he join in when the others were laughing, at best or worst, he would give a small grin. — If it were Beomgyu you would at least expect him to be mad in a situation like this, but Soobin remains eerily calm as he watches you from a distance, just like he had these past three days. 

“I don’t think that’s any of your business”, you stand your ground, despite the fact that it felt as if the floor was literally shaking beneath you. He chuckles, it’s breathy, almost inaudible. “You don’t need to act so prideful, he’s told me everything about you.” — It feels as if all air has been knocked out of your lungs. So he did know something. 

“Everything?” You exhale, your breath near trembling. He gives a curt nod, “everything, except for why he isn’t here today”, he mutters, seemingly displeased with the fact. — A small frown etches its way to your face, lips parting in confusion. “I know you’ve got something to do with it.” He states, tilting his head back as he gazes up toward the ceiling. “But he won’t tell me what.” 

Biting the inside of your cheek, you glance down to the floor, the uneven wood planks suddenly seeming very intriguing. “I couldn’t possibly know why he–” — “Don’t bullshit me.” He snaps, his eyes flickering back to you within milliseconds. Your breath gets caught in your throat as you flinch, taking a small step back before your thighs hit the table behind you. Soobin ignores your skittish reactions as he continues. “I don’t know what he’s getting at, going for someone like you.” He says it with such distaste that it makes your skin crawl. 

Before you know it, he takes a step forward, then another one, and another one, until he’s got you caged against the desk. He doesn't say anything, one of his hands reaching into his pocket as he rummages through it. Pulling up a folded piece of paper, he shoves it into your open palm. “He asked me to give you this.” — He brushes his hand against his jeans as he takes a step back. 

“Fix whatever you caused.” Is all he says before turning on his heel to leave again. Upon yanking the door open, he’s met with Kai’s alarmed frame as he jumps to the side. Sparing him a mere side glance, Soobin shoves past him as he takes off down the hallway. — You shove the small paper in the pocket of your blazer as you walk over to your friend with a sheepish smile. “Hey how long have you been standing-”

“You and Yeonjun?” He asks, almost baffled as he eyes you, full of distrust. The smile immediately vanishes from your face and your throat suddenly goes dry. “W-What?” You ask, still not registering his question fully, hoping that maybe you had heard him wrong. Kai shakes his head, his jaw momentarily clenching. “Just how much exactly did you hear?” You quietly whisper. 

He gives you a small shrug, “enough.” — He sighs, looking almost defeated as he runs a hand through his blond hair. “I thought you…I mean the two of you, I never thought…” Frowning, he gives up with a small huff and you bite your lip, reaching out a hesitant hand to place on his shoulder, but he only jerks away from your touch. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He sounds hurt, you can tell he is. The guilt was slowly seeping back into your veins, Yeonjun always made you feel guilty, but this time…this time it was your own doing. “I’m sorry.” The apology is genuine, you hope he can tell. Because you really are sorry, sorry for not being honest with your only friend. 

Kai looks at you, his eyes hold so much pain that you wondered just how deep your lie had stung. “Do you like him?” He asks, his voice sounds strained, as if he was holding back tears. The question catches you off guard and you blink. Did you like him? No, of course not. You hated him. You hated Choi Yeonjun. 

“No, nevermind, don’t answer.” He shakes his head, “I don’t care.” — You fumble for words, wanting to say anything that would comfort him. It felt almost impossible. “I- I’m sorry I should’ve told you I–” — “Yeah you should’ve.” He bites back, his unusually harsh tone making you wince. “You should’ve told me a long time ago. Before I..” He cuts himself off, biting his cheek as his gaze drops to the floor. 

“Before what?” You quietly wonder, noting the way his shoulders slumped as he exhaled a shaky breath. “Before I liked you.” His voice is merely above a whisper, his attention strained to the floor as he refused to look you in the eyes. Your mouth falls open, it wasn’t like you were completely unaware. Kai’s lingering touches and stares didn’t go unnoticed but you had never imagined that his feelings ran this deep. 

“You like me?” 

He scoffs, dragging his feet leisurely in front of him. “I thought that was obvious.” He pauses, his gaze briefly meeting yours before fleeting down again, but it was just enough for you to catch the shiny layer of tears coating his lashes. You swallow, it felt almost as if you were about to throw up, the guilt slowly eating away at you. 

All you could do was stare at him with a stunned expression, not knowing what you could possibly say to mend the situation. Kai draws in a sharp breath before he wipes his face with the back of his hand. “It’s alright”, he mumbles, “it’s not your fault.” — Your heart might as well just have been ripped out and stepped on at this point. Why was he being so kind to you, when you so obviously didn’t deserve it. 

“We’re friends still…aren’t we?” He wonders, looking up from the floor with bloodshot eyes. “T-This doesn’t change anything, right?” — You wanted to tell him that this changed everything, that things might never be the same again. But you couldn’t, you couldn’t hurt him like that. So you shake your head, wrapping your arms around him as you hug him tight. “Of course not, Kai.” 

You wondered if things had turned out differently between the two of you, had you never gotten involved with Yeonjun. 

⸝⸝

It’s early, earlier than you’d like to admit as you leave your apartment that Sunday morning. The sun has yet to rise and the city is still asleep, but you haven't been able to shut your eyes and relax for the past three days. No, you had waited, dreaded, for this day to come. — The bus is almost empty, save for another young woman, but she looks far more comfortable than you as she rests her head against the window. 

The air is cold as you step off, and you hug your coat tighter around your body. You walk for about ten minutes before a large building comes into view. Pulling the small note from your pocket, you glance between the address scribbled down and the number on the building in front of you, they perfectly align. — The note, the one Soobin had so hastily shoved in your hand three days ago, the note you had reread at least a hundred times throughout the weekend. An address, a day, but not a time. — Perhaps you were a bit early, but as you trudged up the stairs, you no longer cared. You had waited for three whole days, you’d had enough. 

You take the stairs instead of the elevator. To get some exercise in, you tell yourself. But there was no mistaking the fact that you wanted to prolong the moment for as long as possible, despite your urgency to get here. — Finally, you reach the fifth floor, out of breath, you lean against the wall as you take a moment to gather yourself. 

The first time you read the note you had considered not showing up at all. It was a cowardly move to send his friend in his place. But at the same time, your mind longed for answers, answers that you would hopefully get today. — You bring the paper to your face, rereading it one final time. The address, the day, and the small sentence, at the very bottom. 

“Let’s talk, please.” 

Fine, if he wanted to talk, then you would talk. Your fingers curl into a fist, lightly tapping the dark wood. Had it been anyone else, you would’ve been mindful of the still early hour. But right now your mind was set on one thing alone. — Your heart beats obnoxiously loud in your chest, the wait seemingly eternal. 

Then the door creaks open. And as soon as your eyes fall on him, you can tell that he’s had trouble sleeping too. The bags under his eyes were a most unusual look, his hair too, laid messily sprawled on top of his head. He’s still dressed, almost as if he hadn’t gone to bed at all. — “Hi”, his voice is low, raspy, like he hadn’t spoken in days. You give him a small nod of acknowledgement and he steps aside as he lets you in. 

Yeonjun’s apartment is clean, minimalistically furnished. It wasn’t like you had ever tried to imagine what his home would look like, but this somehow felt just like him. Your gaze trails across the few paintings on the walls, you can tell that he hadn’t picked them himself, most likely they came with the flat. The white couch, situated by the large windows, catches your eye. 

Upon walking over and taking a seat, you find that Yeonjun does the same, maintaining a respectable distance as he glances down towards his hands. For a moment, everything is quiet. Part of you wished to stay like this forever. But that was of course impossible. — He clears his throat, shifting awkwardly on the sofa. “Do you want something to drink?” You bite your lip before nodding, “water’s fine.” 

He gets up, walking over to the joint kitchen as he turns on the faucet. You can hear him grabbing glasses, filling them to the brim before returning to place one in front of you on the marbled coffee table. Quietly thanking him, you take the glass, bringing it to your lips as you take a sip. You wait for him to speak first, he was after all, the one who had reached out. 

Yeonjun looked very different like this. In the comforts of his own home he resembled little of the person you had grown accustomed to in school. You wondered if he often brought people over, judging by how awkward he was acting, you supposed not. — He draws in a sharp breath, his gaze remaining downcast as he speaks. 

“You got my note..” He mumbles as you set your glass down. “I did”, you state, leaning back against the soft cushion as you turn your head in his direction. “Why didn’t you give it to me yourself?” You frown, feeling rather hurt by his choice of using his friend, his friend who definitely didn’t seem to like you. Yeonjun is silent, he’s silent for a good while, fingers intertwined with one another as he bites the inside of his cheek. 

“I was scared.” He quietly admits and your eyes widen at the confession. “Y-You were?” You can’t shield the surprise in your voice, Choi Yeonjun, scared? He scoffs, and for a moment, his usual self emerges as his face turns into a small scowl, but the way his eyes flicker as he speaks gives him away. “Of course I fucking was, I still am.” 

“Why?” 

He doesn’t answer straight away, as if considering his next words with great care. Running a hand through his disheveled hair, he lets out a small almost inaudible exhale. “Because I’m scared that I’ve fucked things up so bad this time… That there’s no going back.” — You uncomfortably shift on the couch as you distract yourself by taking another sip of your water. Yeonjun’s body is taut as his jaw clenches, refusing to even glance in your direction he keeps his gaze steadily fixed on the window in front of him as the darkness outside slowly shifts into a deep blue.  

“I want…” He slowly begins, his sentence falling short as he takes another couple of breaths. “I want to apologize.” You blink, your eyes shifting from the water in your glass and over to him, you don’t think you had ever heard him speak with such sincerity. — And for the first time since your arrival, he looks at you. He swallows, adam's apple bobbing as he does. 

“I’m sorry.” 

When you don’t say anything he hastily continues. “I know that it doesn’t fix shit, but I…I still need to say it. And if I could I would go back and undo all the pain I caused you, I really would. I don’t expect you to forgive me, quite frankly I don’t even expect you to ever talk to me again, I suppose that’s fair. But if I don’t tell you how sorry I am now, I’m afraid that I never will.” He takes a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it go again, his shoulders slumping, almost like a deflating balloon. 

“So, I’m sorry…for everything.” 

He holds his tongue after that, gaze dropping down to his fingers once more. You don’t know how to feel, much less what to say. It was all so surreal. Hearing those words come out of his mouth felt almost like a fever dream and you wondered if you had perhaps managed to fall asleep after all and that this was just a fragment of your imagination, the universe pulling a sick prank on you. 

But then you turn to look at him. He’s nothing like the Yeonjun who had hurt you for so many weeks. Right now he looks small as he sits on the couch, biting the inside of his lip as he nervously rolls his thumbs together. In the end you realize that no matter how you feel, there’s only one thing you can say to him. 

“I forgive you.” 

He freezes, teeth letting go of his lip as he slowly lifts his head to peer over at you. An almost puzzled look paints his otherwise tired face, “you do?” He sounds almost disbelieving as he studies you with a wary expression. — You slowly nod, watching as his eyes widen with recognition, he swallows. Then everything becomes silent once more. This time it’s a different kind of silence, it’s not comfortable but the air somehow feels lighter, if only a little. 

You find yourself staring out the large windows. The sky had turned a deep orange now, shades of pink seeping through the cracks formed by the clouds. The darkness slowly makes way for the light as a new day rises before you. — You want to say something, now feels like a good moment to get things off your chest. But you can’t seem to find the words, your throat feels thick and it becomes hard to swallow.  

“Please like me instead.” 

At first you thought that you had imagined it. The faint whisper of his lips. But when he shuffles next to you on the couch, turning to face you fully, there’s no doubt about it. You tear your gaze from the warm sky as you glance over at him. In the morning light, Yeonjun looked like he was glowing. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, his dry lips, or even his unkempt hair; he looked truly beautiful. 

“What?” 

Your voice is soft, a low murmur, unsure and hesitant. He scoots closer, your knees touching as he places his hands on the cushion either side of him. “Like me instead. Instead of him.” Instead of Kai. He searches your gaze desperately as he bites his lip, leaning closer. — You don’t say anything, if you do, his statement would become real. You’re scared, you think. 

But he doesn’t give up. “I know that you hate me, but please, I can’t stand it when-”  

“I don’t hate you, Yeonjun.” 

His mouth shuts, and he blinks at you, confused, brows knitting together. “What?” — “But you said..” You shake your head, turning away as you feel tears prick in the corner of your eyes. You hated how easily he made you cry, even when he didn’t intend to. “I lied.” You confess, shame and guilt overflowing your senses. “Why?”

“Because I was scared.” 

As the words left your lips, you think that the two of you might not be so different after all. Maybe, just maybe. — Yeonjun doesn’t say anything, his attention dropping to your knees, barely grazing one another. His hand on the sofa twitches, as if he held himself back from reaching out, from touching you. 

“I was scared of liking you.” Your quiet whisper felt like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. A small murmur was all it had taken, so why had it seemed so hard? — His gaze shifts back to your face, his eyes wide as his lips part in surprise. “You were right all along”, you give him a half hearted smile, watching as his frown deepened. “I’ve always liked you”, you swallow, “even when I didn't want to.”   

A pang of guilt takes over his expression for a moment as he internally cringes at your words, more so his own actions. “I thought it would go away if I told myself that I hated you.” You shake your head, glossy eyes dropping to your hands, the first tears threatening to escape at any moment. “It never did.” Your vision slowly becomes blurred as you blink away the salty droplets that fell down your cheeks. 

You can barely see it, but you can feel it, the warm caress of his hand on your cheek. It feels nice, comforting, you don’t push him off, you don’t want to. He wipes your tears, the very same that he had caused. The faint whisper of yet another apology lingering on his lips. — Then he hesitates, you never saw Yeonjun hesitating, he always took what he wanted, did as he pleased. But you can tell that he’s uncertain of his next move. His eyes flickering between your teary eyes and parted lips. 

In the end he decides to be brave. Slowly initiating what had been on both of your minds for weeks now. But when his lips meet yours, it feels different, this kiss is nothing like your previous ones. It holds no guilt, no shame, no secrets, it doesn’t feel forced nor desperate. It feels like an apology, remorseful of the past, and like a promise, a vow to the future. You can tell that he expects you to pull back, to tell him off, just like you had days prior. 

Instead you cling to him, part of you thinks that this might be just what you need, another part says it’s stupid and reckless. But in the end, you want to be brave too. Even if that meant being stupid and reckless. — The stupid and reckless part of you lets him push you back against the soft cushion, lets him kiss you deeper, lets his hands trail across your body. 

“I’m sorry.” He chants it like a prayer, littering your body in the light caress of his lips. You know he means it, every kiss, every touch, every apology. — His hair feels soft between your fingers, you twist the strands lightly, feeling him sigh against your skin. Yeonjun was usually one to talk in moments like these, but today there are no sarcastic remarks on his tongue. He’s quiet, attentively listening to the hitch of your breath, the small moan passing your lips, he doesn’t want to miss a single thing. 

He tugs your tights off, his hands immediately soothing the goosebumps erupting on your naked skin. You think he looks pretty like this, basked in the first rays of sunshine, half lidded eyes rapidly moving as he trails them across every inch of your body. — His lips return to yours, fingers sliding between your legs just like they had so many times before, but this time it’s different, everything is. 

He touches you slowly, he pays attention, he wants to know exactly how he makes you feel. Treating you as if you were made out of glass, worshiping you as if you were made out of gold. You become hyper aware of the way his body moves against yours, the soft pattern of his fingers sending sparks through your stomach. 

You had been intimate with Yeonjun more times than you could remember. Yet as he lines himself up alongside you, it suddenly feels like the first. It feels new, nervous, perhaps even a little scary. But that was okay, you knew that he was scared too. — He goes slow, savoring the moment as his face rests in the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry.” He can’t stop saying it, it’s never enough, it never makes up for the damage he’s created, he knows it. But you forgive him, you would continue to forgive him for eternity if he apologized for as long. 

He groans against you, his voice is near trembling. Your hands are on his back, feeling the smooth surface of his skin, then they’re tangled in his hair, pulling him to look at you. For the first time it feels as if you’re seeing him clearly. Behind the lying, the cheating, the bullying, it was just him. Just Yeonjun. 

As soon as the first tear rolls down his cheek, you kiss him. Tasting the saltiness on your lips, he sobs into your mouth. His chest heaves against yours, his once slow and deliberate thrusts becoming jagged and uneven as he fights to stay composed. You want to say something, but you don’t know what. Instead you pull him closer, so close that you can’t feel anything but his body against yours. 

You stay like that, melted against one another. Hours pass, neither of you seem to mind. His breath is warm against your chest, your fingers are soft in his hair. The silence is light, comforting, reassuring. Your mind is filled with him, he’s all you can think about, all you want to think about. You know he feels the same, it’s comforting to know. It’s also scary, you’re not sure if you’re ready. But even then, you’ll at least be scared together, just the two of you. 

It’s nice to not be alone. 

⸝⸝

Monday morning also feels different. Maybe because you’re walking down the hallway side by side, you and Yeonjun. People stare, he tells you to ignore them, you try, and it works. You glance over at him, he looks happy, his step is light, his arm securely wrapped around your waist. You find yourself smiling, biting the inside of your cheek as you gaze ahead. 

It’s not until you reach the all too familiar door, leading into your classroom, that you halt. Confused, Yeonjun stops a pace in front of you. “Is something wrong?” He asks as he studies your nervous posture, your eyes flickering between the now almost empty hallway and the door in front of you. The corridors were one thing, but the classroom held so many memories. Memories that wouldn’t just vanish over a day.

He notices your hesitation, a small smile tugging at his lips as he shakes his head. He reaches out, his warm hand enveloping yours as he grips it firmly. You glance between your interlocked fingers, and the small grin splayed across his face. — “I’ve got you, nerd.” 

The small reassurance makes you smile, and you nod, letting him tug you closer as Yeonjun pushes the classroom door open.

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[senxitive]

Not to be dramatic, but life is cruel.

[miley1442111]

hi ! can I request Derek Morgan x Pregnant! Reader?

Where reader is a couple days past her due date and is literally miserable and Derek’s lowkey frustrated because he’s tried every thing he can to help and he hates seeing his girl upset,

so they start looking up ways to help induce labor, and they try a few and none of them work, so reader gives up and starts to cry and Derek is there to reassure her that everything is gonna be okay,

& that he read somewhere that s*x induces labor and it’s turns into light fluffy smut?

---------------------

---------------------

a/n: i love this idea, probably didn't do it justice, also my most sincere apologies for letting this rot in my inbox for so long :)

summary: derek has to do something when you're 3 days past your due date

pairings: derek morgan x fem! wife! pregnant! reader

warnings: pregnancy issues, smut (lowkey praise kink but wtv), going into labour

---------------------

It would be an understatement to say that being pregnant sucked. 

You were tired, you were achy, you couldn’t do anything, you couldn’t sleep, and you were literally 3 days past your due date, with no end in sight. 

Fuck this stupid baby, and fuck your stupid husband for getting you pregnant in the first place. 

---------------------

 You sat in your bed, miserable and in pain as Derek held you in his arms. He was annoyed. He could see how much pain you were in, and knew how much pain you’d be in soon when you had to give birth. He just… he wanted it to stop. So he looked up methods of inducing labour. 

“Apparently spicy food helps with inducing labour,” he muttered as he mindlessly rubbed his hand over your stomach. 

“I’ll try anything at this point,” you said in a small voice and Derek’s heart shattered. 

“I’ll order something,” he nodded and you offered a meek ‘thank you’. He ordered the spiciest things on your local Mexican place’s menu, and waited eagerly for its arrival. When it did come, he plated it and watched as you ate it.

Nothing. Not even a contraction. 

“Fuck’s sake,” you groaned, washing your hands after eating. “Now I just feel fucking sick.”

“I’m sorry baby,” he sighed, pulling you in to give you a soft but reassuring kiss. “The next thing on the list is physical exercise.”

That was not met with much enthusiasm, but you obliged anyway. You got on the treadmill that lives in your home-gym, and ran for 30 minutes. 

Still nothing. 

Derek watched as your frustrated face turned into the one you make before you cry, and his heart shattered a second time. “Come here baby,” he sighed and pulled you into his arms, pressing kisses to your forehead as you cried. He whispered words of reassurance and love,but you couldn’t stop crying. You were in so much pain, you were so tired, and you just wanted this baby out. You wanted to see your little girl and hold her. 

“What’s next on the list?” You asked between sobs. 

“Sex.”

You looked up at him, drying your eyes. “Sex?”

“Sex,” he nodded. “But if you’re not up to it we can-”

“Derek Morgan, this baby is coming out of me today or so help me god, I will hurt someone,” you swore. Derek nodded quickly and took your hand, leading you to your bedroom. 

“What’s safe for the baby?” You asked him timidly as he undressed you. 

“Spooning, if that’s comfortable,” he offered. He’d done so much research about how to help you, it almost made you sob all over again. Stupid pregnancy hormones. 

“That sounds nice,” you swallowed back the lump in your throat as Derek smiled at you, then pressed soft kisses to your bare collarbone.

“So pretty for me,” he cooed. “My beautiful girl.”

You both laid down on the bed as he kissed you, whispering words of encouragement. God he was so attractive like this, taking care of you, loving you. You were getting ridiculously wet.

“I’m going to be real gentle, okay?”

“Okay,” you nodded as his hands started kneading the plump of your ass. 

“You feeling alright?”

“Good, just please- do something,” you begged and he chuckled. 

“Already beggin’ for me? God you’re perfect,” he kissed your cheek as he slowly slipped inside you. You let out a series of moans as his long cock filled you up, while his hands groped your body. “That’s it, good girl. Take all of me.”

He slowly started moving as you squirmed and moaned under his thrusts. 

“Come on, you’re so good for me baby. Doin’ so good babygirl,” he groaned. “So pretty around my cock.”

You felt yourself clench at his words. Then it happened. Your water broke. 

“Oh my god!” You shouted, immediately getting off of the bed and running to get your clothes on. Derek smiled as he watched you. 

“It worked?”

“It worked!” You chuckled, then the contractions came in, ruining the moment. You hunched over and leaned on the bed and Derek started getting dressed. 

“Come on mama, we gotta get you to the hospital,” he smiled as he helped you out. 

---------------------

Twelve hours later, you two welcomed your first little girl, Emily Morgan. 

Derek already wanted another one.

---------------------

criminal minds masterlist :)

navigation for my blog :) (criminal minds, marvel, top gun, challengers, the bear, the hunger games, obx+)

cm taglist

@khxna

[love-belle]

i should hate u !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their post break-up era is them using shady captions to communicate and the media and fans being confused.

or

for when you loved them too much. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // max verstappen x fem!reader

sequel - today and tomorrow and every day after that ⋆·˚ ༘ *

warnings - language

author's note - hello!!! i really hope u like this <3 i was initially gonna do daniel ricciardo one first but i already had 1/2 of this done so i just decided to post this :) thank u sm for reading <3 i love u

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by paddock.club, f1gossippage, y/n4everrr and 6,829 others

f1news y/n y/l/n and max verstappen called it quits almost a month ago and it seems like they didn't end on good terms at all. the singer, at her london show last night, threw shade at her ex-boyfriend, saying and we quote, "the next song wouldn't have been possible without this one dude who inspired it obviously. so — here's 'i should hate you'. spoiler alert, i do. thank you!" the reason for the split is still unknown but sources who claim to be close to the pair said that 'it was bound to happen — with their different goals and plans for the future," seemingly referring to the talks that y/l/n wanted to get married and verstappen didn't. both of them have yet to comment on the situation. for more details, click on the link in our bio.

278 comments

username WOAH

username pause.

username ahahahahaha say what.

username oh my god 💀💀💀

username NOT HER CONFIRMING THAT I SHOULD HATE YOU IS ABT MAX

username no bc the way her voice cracked so many times in between the songs like girlie is angry AND hurt

username OH MY GOD

username i genuinely have no words

username omg the photos are NOT of her shading max. it's her laughing at a fan who yelled "you're the baddest bitch of all baddest bitches" at her

-> username YEAH LIKE SHE WAS SO CLOSE TO CRYING WHEN SHE SANG ISHY

username my delusional ass thinking they ended on good terms 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username nah it's so champagne problems and you're losing me kinda thing i can't handle this whatcthe fucj

username OH WHATCTHEBFUCJ

username me getting the big guns out to defend her AND max with my LIFE

username still processing their breakup give me a year to digest this information

username STOP WHAT THE FUCK

username my parents ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

username no bc she's genuinely such a sweet person so if she said this max must've done something 😭😭😭😭😭

-> username STOP NO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

username can't believe she's saying this about a dude for whom she wrote "feels like" for like wow.

username I WAS AT THAT SHOW AND SHE LOOKED SO SAD AFTER SHE SAID THIS I FELT SO BAD

-> username SHE ALSO STARTED CRYING WHEN SHE FINISHED SINGING I MISS U IM SORRY AND ZARA (HER LEAD GUITARIST) HAD TO RUN AND CONSOLE HER

-> username AND SHE SAID THAT THE LAST MONTH HAS BEEN HARD ON HER AND SHE APOLOGIZED IF THE SHOW WASN'T AS GOOD AS THE OTHERS

-> username NAH MOTHER ATE AS ALWAYS

username y'all saying this but not the fact that she ALSO said "in another life we would've worked but im grateful for everything i had because for a moment you were mine"

-> username MY HEART JUST BROKE WHATCTHEBFUCK

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 799,155 others

maxverstappen1 i know i say that i am better now, spoiler alert, i am

8,926 comments

username the way my jaw dropped

username THE PICTURES

username GODDAMN

username someone take away y/n's phone before she hits back 💀💀💀

-> username the way i know that she would absolutely destroy him

username NOT THE PHOTOS OMG

danielricciardo spoiler alert, also a liar

-> maxverstappen1 you promised you wouldn't snitch

username he definitely cried while posting this idc

username max babe it's okay to admit that u miss ur wifey bc same 💔💔💔

-> username "wifey" girl he didn't even wanna marry her

-> username not another word.

username funny haha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 im crying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 now get back with mom.

landonorris no you're not

-> maxverstappen1 i will block you

username lando and daniel exposing max 💀💀💀

username no bc he probably cries whenever he remembers that he fumbled a baddie like y/n

username "it's all better with you ❤️"

-> username i could've gone along with my day without seeing that just saying

-> username delete that RIGHT NOW before i start crying

username missing max simping for y/n like ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

charles_leclerc i swear i can hear you crying from my hotel room

-> maxverstappen1 WE'RE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME HOTEL

username the way im SO sure he heard y/n saying that she hates him and that was the moment he gave up

-> username nah bc he was one of the "my girl's mad at me i hope i die" kinda guys

-> username wonder how he's surviving this tbh

username I CAN'T TAKE THIS SERIOUS IM SORRY THE POST IS JUST TOO FUNNY

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by selenagomez, carmenmmundt, dualipa and 2,246,826 others

yourusername i hate you lol

12,628 comments

username HELP

username she could only get this much in before her manager took away her phone ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

*liked by yourusername*

username no bc girl had a lot to say she's just trying to keep it cute

*liked by yourusername*

username the way i know y/n FOUGHT for the right to post this caption

username this is MILD bc i know y/n can be ruthless 😭😭😭😭😭😭

landonorris "in love" alright.

-> yourusername IT'S FOR THE AESTHETIC

username mother and father are fighting i can't take this what tye fyxk

username 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username mother slays everyday just saying

username no bc if y/n ever said ihy to me i would give up just a thought

lilymhe pretty bitch

-> yourusername u sure that's not u?????

username i REALLY hope she's at the next gp

-> username no bc the way max and her meeting would definitely be more entertaining than the race itself

username NOT THE SONG LYRICS WHAT HAVE U PLANNED

-> username oh fuck that broke my heart what the fuck

username missing my man max in the comments section being a whipped bitch so bad ://////

carmenmmundt can't wait to see you darling 🤍

-> yourusername counting down the seconds omg i missed u!!!!!!

username y/n's manager has her on lockdown i can tell 💀💀💀

-> username with what she said at her last show i wouldn't be surprised

landonorris the post has reached the target and the target is currently eating ice cream while singing your songs

-> yourusername OH OKAY

-> yourusername good to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

username she's so pretty it's not fair wtf

username the caption omg

-> username it's SO mild compared to what i was expecting tbh 💀

username slay

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by danielricciardo, georgerussell63, charles_leclerc and 892,628 others

maxverstappen1 it's all better now

comments are disabled for this post

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by carmenmmundt, charles_leclerc, landonorris and 2,829,626 others

yourusername and i swear to god i'd kill you if i loved you a less hard

13,728 comments

username SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

username OH MY GOD

username IS THAT MAX WHATCTHEBFUCK

username NOT Y/N SOFT LAUNCHING HER EX BOYFRIEND

username GIRL 😭😭😭😭 get up

username this is INSANE

username MOTHER?????? WHAT IS THIS??????

danielricciardo the most stressful week of my life if we're being for real

-> yourusername u can send m*x the therapy bill

-> maxverstappen1 don't. i did not agree to that.

username HER SONG LYRICS OH MY GOD

username SHE WROTE THIS SONG FOR MAX 😭😭😭😭😭😭

username okay but like. are we SURE that's max?????

-> username i simply refuse to believe that it's someone else so yes. that IS in fact max.

username OKAYYYYYYY

username did NOT see this coming in a thousand years

username obviously VERY happy for them but y/n censoring max's name is so fucking hilarious like

-> yourusername babe it's m*x

-> username my bad ur absolutely right it's m*x

-> maxverstappen1 this is bullying

username DID HE PUT A RING ON IT WHATXTHEBFUCK

-> username NO BC THAT WOULD MAKE SM SENSE

username so i lost SLEEP over nothing????????

maxverstappen1 nice pants

-> yourusername thanks they would look better on ur floor

-> maxverstappen1 say less

-> username i think i just died whatcthebfuxk

-> username oh they're GOOD now

username imagine they just drop engagement photos out of the blue then what.

-> yourusername imagine lol

-> username WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

username i just know y/n's eating up every moment of this chaos

-> maxverstappen1 demons thrive in chaos so

-> yourusername well! it was nice to reconcile for a couple days, goodbye now.

username im crying whayctrhbfcuk

landonorris mother father

-> yourusername child

-> maxverstappen1 no

-> username ah yes the four family members mother father child and no

username THE HEART THE EVERYTHING THEM

username they STILL don't follow eachother LMFAO

[dizzyjelly]

Help Me Out?

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: You're popular and you ask the smartest girl in class to help you out with your math work, and how could she say no? She was confused as you start to actually become friends. Because she didn't understand why someone like you would take an interest in someone like her.

Cw: reader cries bc of a mean teacher, kinda loser!ellie, reader fights with her fake ass friend.

A/n: this is actually based off a real life experience, I was sadly the loser in this situation 😔 also I obviously dramatized it for the story but yeahh, anyways enjoy! There will be a part 2.

You had to be the most confusing girl Ellie has ever met. She wondered why on earth you spent your time talking to her, when you were so popular. It wasn't unknown that Ellie was a lesbian, actually it was pretty much what she was known for. But you didn't seem to care.

Math was never your strong suit, in fact you'd always struggle with it. Ellie, however, was amazingly good at it. She had her heart set on becoming an astronaut one day, and so she figured that she'd have to understand math. Joel helped her to do just that, but he also made sure she excelled.

Anytime your math teacher spoke, it sounded like complete gibberish to you. You'd even cry some nights, you know on the days she would yell at the entire class about how stupid they were. It just felt like she was singling you out. And not to mention all the passive aggressive notes she'd leave on your assignments or tests. One day, you figured why not ask Ellie for help?

She was utterly confused. Why would someone like you talk to someone like her? And out of your own free will.

"Ellie? I'm really sorry to bother you, but can you help me out..?" Your voice was quiet and you sounded timid almost.

At first, she was silent. She kind of just stared at you. But eventually, she came to her senses.

"Yeah of course! What's up?" You smiled, she spoke so kindly to you.

"Here, let me just-" you got up and stood at her desk, "number 6, and basically everything after it. I just don't get it.." You sigh softly.

"Okay, this is what I wrote." She said, merely handing you her paper.

"No, I don't want to copy yours. Can you explain it to me?" You ask, looking over at her now with pleading eyes.

Ellie nodded, giving you a thin-lipped smile before she began to talk and point things out. You wrote what she told you to and hummed every now in then with understanding. Eventually she'd helped you complete the whole thing, and you were beyond thankful.

This kind of interaction would continue to happen between the two of you for the next couple weeks. Your teacher had grown.. annoyed with this behavior. For some unknown reason she just had it out for you, because when you walked into class today, she announced a seat change.

Ellie was already in class, so she got up from her former seat and stod at the front of the room along with everyone else. You made your way to stand beside her, crossing your arms out of frustration.

As your teacher began assigning new seats, you sighed. Ellie looked over at you, but said nothing. So you decided to start the conversation.

"God I hate her. She's probably doing this just so I'll fail." You whisper.

"Whay do you mean?" Ellie whispers in return.

"You've been.. helping me out lately. I guess she just can't stand to see me succeed." You frown softly.

Ellie turns to face you once again, noticing how upset you really were. She didn't know what to say, or do. So she kept quiet and waited for her new seat assignment. After a few more minutes everyone was settled in their new seats.

You and Ellie were sat just about as far away as possible. This was definitely personal. Throughout class, you struggled tremendously. God this was just what your stupid math teacher wanted.

That day, you took it upon yourself to find Ellie at lunch. If she was shocked that you'd even speak to her, just imagine how insane she found it when you sat at her lunch table. Usually she sat alone, not because she didn't have friends, but they all had different lunch hours.

She felt so entranced by you, every word you said felt like it was burned into her brain. She admired you, truly. Even if she thought she had no chance with you. Ellie figured you were straight. Everyone knew you had a boyfriend last year, until you didn't. That was beside the point. Falling for a "straight" girl wasn't the first thing on her list, but that's what was happening.

"I literally hate her!" You complained.

"I know," Ellie nodded. "She is pretty annoying."

While Ellie wasn't fond of your math teacher either, she'd lie if she was. She'd agree with anything you said. God she felt pathetic.

"Fucking tell me about it.." You scoffed.

Ellie was confused when you say with her everyday for the rest of the week, but she wasn't complaining. She'd gotten to know you better. And she was quite impressed with who you really turned out to be.

She always thought high school girls like you were mean, but you were so sweet to her. Ellie had enjoyed spending more time with you, and she had no problem helping you out with your math work too. You were starting to get the hang of it, but it still didn't make complete sense to you.

Friday was your breaking point, you were just beyond frustrated by your work. Your teacher was busy on thr phone, so you figured why not. And you stood and walked over to Ellies desk. She blushed deeply as you'd gotten very close to her and whispered in her ear.

But you couldn't have been trying to flirt, you were just trying to be discreet, right? She began to explain the problem to you, perfectly ad always. And you were ready to thank her and start working, but before you could, your teacher called out your name angrily.

"What are you doing out of your seat. You have got to be one of the worst students I've ever had. Get back to your seat, now!" This time, her words genuinely hurt you.

Ellie watched you nervously, noticing how you'd gone silent and the way your bottom lip quivered. Her eyes widened and she felt so terrible when you began to cry. Your face ran red hot as you could feel everyone staring at you.

Ellie sighed softly and stood up, unsure what she should do. But she didn't have to guess because you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around her, resting your head on her shoulder. Ellie felt so awkward, and, she felt dizzy almost. Holding her arms around you felt so unreal, but god did it feel good.

Your teacher ended up sending the both of you to the hallway. Where you'd sit against some lockers, your knees pulled to your chest and your head resting in your arms. Ellie sat beside you, crisscross applesauce as she looked over at you and waited. She was waiting for you to say something, anything.

"Sorry.. I'm just overreacting.." You'd finally whisper.

"But you're not," Ellie was quick to reassure, and she placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, "she's been so mean to you for so long. Your completely valid to be upset by her.." her voice was quiet and soft.

"Thank you.." You smiled as you whispered, resting your head against Ellie's shoulder and wrapping your hands gently around her forearm.

She'd just nod in response then try and breathe regularly, which felt impossible when you were all over her like this. God, what did you do to her? After some time passed the bell rang and you two made your way to lunch. As you walked your interlocked your arm with Ellie's, which earned you a few glares.

You were relieved to just be able to sit down and have lunch, and relax. But that peace didn't last long when one of the girls you used to sit with decided to approach you and Ellie. She sat beside you and stared at Ellie as if she were some kind of alien.

"So, this is what you're busy doing? Hanging out with.. her?" Olivia spoke with disgust.

Your brows furrowed with confusion, what was her issue? You scoffed softly before answering.

"Yeah." You begin, your tone was anything but kind, "she's way better company than any of you ever were. You guys are mean and.. fake. Ellie is nice and she actually makes me feel good about myself." Ellie watched with amazement as you talked about her so highly.

"Whatever, you're a loser now anyways. We heard you cried in class.." She started to laugh at you.

"Jesus, who cares!" Ellie finally interjects, you watch her nervously, "look I know you think the most important thing in life is whether people think you're cool or not, which believe me, you're not, because you're just like every other basic bitch you hang out with. One day you're going to realize that wow, you peaked in high school, and it all goes downhill from here. Now would you please leave us alone?" Her words came off confident and snarky.

But you saw how her hands shook in her lap. She was so nervous. You smiled at her, she did that for you. Nobody ever did that kind of stuff for you. She really was.. good company.

While Ellie had fallen for you first so clearly, you fell a lot harder. Some part of you always knew you wanted to be more than just her friend, but it wasn't until now that it really hit you. As Olivia got up and walked away, Ellie could tell how you looked at her differently.

"Ellie.." You whisper, and she nods, "you're the best." You settle on a friendly compliment, because oh my God!

You liked Ellie, you'd never expect that. Not because she was a girl, but just because she was Ellie. And it's not that she was unattractive or anything. But you two were just so different. It didn't make total sense, if any.

"Oh, thank you.." She blushed.

"Hey, let's hang out after school." You spoke with excitement, "I could sleep over!" Ellies eyes widened at that.

Immediately she thought about the two of you.. in the same bed. God what would she do. She'd have to figure it out, because of course, she agreed. You couldn't wait for the school day to end.

[xxxninjaxxx23]

You brought the light I needed in my life

Part 3

Sam is struggling with her inner demons and tries to fight what she feels for Y/N. After an heated moment at the gym, Tara must step in and clean up her mess of a sister.

(Later that week)

(Tara’s pov) Well my hopes of getting Sam to talk to me about that night just went out the window. Almost a week has passed and I haven’t seen or heard from Y/N ever since that day I met them. When I asked Sam about it, she always said “It’s fine Tara, you have nothing to worry about.” Or “I’m ok Tara, I just needed some time to think.” She doesn’t even talk about Y/N period. Whenever we go eat with the others,she’d shoot a glare at us if we try to bring it up.

Anyways I got fed up and didn’t want to be around Sam today so I left and went to meet Anika in film class. When I got there and we shared a hug, we talked about our subjects and daily life issues, mine regarding Sam

“And she seems to be getting worse by the minute. Keeping herself locked in her room and won’t even say what’s going on with her or Y/N.” Anika took a sip of her drink

“Look, I get you’re trying to help and all but Tara, do you think you should be sticking your nose into someone else’s business even if they don’t want to talk about it? That’s so not cool.”

I rolled my eyes “Oh sure genius, I would leave her alone if she wasn’t keeping me up the last few nights with her crying. God she sounds like a humpback whale when she cries.” Anika nearly choked on her drink when she heard that. I patted her back as she started snickering

“That is so mean and funny at the same time. Tara carpenter, the all time savage when she needs to be.”

I shook my head “I don’t know what to do Ani. I can’t just leave her like this, even if it’s not my concern.” Anika nodded “Maybe just maybe. Sam will come around when she’s ready to talk, as for your ears. I have professional grade earplugs if you need them.”

I pull out my phone and check for texts “Ok, I might have to take those by tonight.” I said.

Meanwhile Samantha laid on her bed, hand clutched to her stomach as a result from the constant drinking.

(Sam’s pov) So I got a call from my boss saying that a new employee was currently in training and needed to be put on my shift for today but I will still be compensated for my hard work and able to go back tomorrow (hence why I love this job) only problem is, my stomachs been angry with me lately. What with all the drinking and the stress of avoiding Y/N, also Tara who won’t shut up about it.

I managed to climb out of bed and take a ginger ale candy before sitting on the couch watching a movie that Tara left on stream. ‘Sigh’ “And she used my credit card to buy the ultra high definition! Figures.” I wrote the amount on a piece of paper to tab that out of Tara’s pay later on.

While watching the movie, I got a few texts from Tara and….Y/N which I picked up and just sent a small text

“I’m fine, just watching a little tv.”

“ ‘Sigh’ no point in sitting here all day” I said, going to make breakfast before I hit the gym today. ‘Pretty much all I do, well before Y/N tried to crawl their way into my fucked up life. Honestly I’m doing them a favor no matter how I really feel.

(After breakfast)

After I ate, I sat down for about an hour, watching another one of Tara’s shows. I tripped over one of her shoes the last time Y/N was here. At first they thought I had a kid or another little baby sibling with me.

When I told them no and asked why, they said it was because of the “kids” size shoe I tripped over. I had a field day with that, telling them that it’s just Tara’s shoe and to never say that around her. It didn’t end well for me when I did that, she’s got teeth as sharp as a piranha.

(One hour later)

“Ok…I guess it’s time to hit the gym.” I put on my jacket and head out. The gym is one building away from my place and I could use the walk. I spoke too soon when an empty cup got thrown at me by a passing car halfway there.

“Yup like I said, I’m doing Y/N a favor.” I shook my head and kept my pace, going to the gym.

I set my bag and towel in my assigned locker then went to go for a run on the treadmill. I looked around the place a bit as I ran in place ‘good thing the gym isn’t too packed today’ I put my AirPods in my ears.

(Later)

After my run, I move over to the dumbbells and began lifting my usual weights (readers choice lol) I did a good amount of reps before moving onto the bench press. I decide to kick it up a notch and upgrade to the heavier weights than my usual.

I took the barbell off its stand and started my reps. I got off to a good start, what with the headphones blocking out small sounds or any creep trying to hit on me. I made it very clear that I’m uninterested in their company or conversations.

As I was in the zone, I spotted a familiar figure to my left, lifting dumbbells ‘no…no, it can’t be! Is that?’ I didn’t get a clear look as I lost my concentration, dropping the barbell on my chest “OW! Fuck!!!”

The figure, dropped their weights and went over to get the barbell of my chest “You ok Ma’am?” I nod and look up only to see they recognized me “Sam?! Omg this is a pleasant surprise.” I smiled sheepishly “heh heh. Yeah it sure is.”

After Y/N helped me, I decided to take a break and have a snack. Unfortunately they sat down next to me ‘Jesus Y/N. Why can’t you leave me alone?’ But I put on a smile and offered a protein bar and water for them. “So….fancy seeing you here” Y/N said. I scoffed a bit “I always come to this gym. What’s it to you?”

Y/N playfully put their hands up in surrender “Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it. Im just surprised I came to your rescue.”

“I could have gotten that off myself. I didn’t need your help.”

Y/N was a bit taken back by my blunt words “Sorry. I’ll um….stand back and let you do it next time?”

I felt my heart beat at a quick pace when that warm feeling came back to me. But before I could process my feelings to Y/N, I saw my father sitting beside them, grinning and making a knife gesture “Christ almighty why can’t you leave me the fuck alone!”

(Y/n’s pov) if I thought the last words were harsh, I’m surely mistaken. “Sam please-“ then she went off again “Everywhere I go, you’re there just watching me! Trying to hover over me when I don’t want you to!” I was a bit confused “Sam what? You were the one who approached-“

“Shut up just shut the hell up for one fucking second! I….can’t even live a good life with you always there in my shadow just breathing In my damn presence, wasting my own breath and energy talking to you!” I felt my heart tear up a bit but before I could speak again, Sam went for the kill

“You….useless….sack of SHIT! You and your little legacy, everything! I hate it all I just can’t…..I hate you. I HATE YOU!!!!! If you’re done sitting there you can “kindly” get out of my sight, get out of my life completely, before I do something I won’t regret!” My heart was now shattered into pieces completely and Sam just tossed the remains in the trash can.

I felt a bit of anger rise up in me. Nodding “I get it Sam. I get the message loud and clear that I’m not wanted anymore. Thank you so much for yelling at me just to drive home the point!” I got up and tossed my snack in the trash can “Well fuck you then! Have a nice life Sam.” I stormed out of the break room, slamming the door.

(Sam’s pov) I flinched. In all my yelling at Billy, I completely forgot Y/N was still sitting there in the crossfire. I quickly got up and bolted for the door “Y/N wait!” As I was running I felt my ankle catch on one of the bleachers legs, spraining it.

Shaking the pain off, I limped towards the door “Y/N wait! Hold on!! As I opened the door, I saw them already walking out the front entrance. “Y/N! P-please.” They turned around to look at me one last time but I couldn’t bring myself to speak which they sighed and closed the door.

I dropped to my knees, staring at the wall ‘What have I done….’

(Outside)

I needed my place of comfort right now. I promised Tara I wouldn’t do it again but I’m really desperate at this point. I put on my jacket and helmet, then started up my motorcycle. Tara gave me a speaker for my birthday and attached it to the motorcycle. Might as well put it to some use. I hit shuffle and let it play from there as I tore down the road.

(Later that night)

(Tara’s pov) “Damn it no! How did you get past me!” I gripped the switch controller a bit. Chad chuckled, taking a sip of water “Sorry guys, I don’t know why I’m so good at this game.”

“Mario kart 8 is fun but it hurts my fingers” Anika said. “Um babe you know there’s an auto drive setting you can set up.” Mindy said.

I shook my head “And where’s the fun in that? I think the regular mode is good on your fingers. Makes it feel like your pressing down on the gas pedal in real life.”

Anika started selecting another level “Hey maybe that’s how Chad beat you T. As far as I can see, his thumbs aren’t red like yours. Ouch.”

Tara grumbled, fishing money out of her wallet to give to Chad for winning. “Wow you’re betting money from your girlfriend on Mario kart? That’s low, even for you peabrain.” Mindy said.

Chad whipped around, slightly embarrassed “Hey we both agreed on it right Tara!” I nodded “See? Plus I promised her I’d be a good boy in-“

“OK we don’t need to know that!” Mindy said throwing a chip at Chad which he surprisingly caught in his mouth. “Too slow.” He said which Mindy threw the finger before turning toward her girlfriend“Just start the game my love.”

‘Sigh’ Of course. Out of all the races, Anika had to go and pick rainbow road. No phobic of corse but this stage is so unbelievably hard, especially when my controller is stuck in “motion” control just because the sticks are broken.

While starting the course, I’m already in 11th place because pretty boy had to go and knock me off the course by “accident” when we started. Halfway through the race, I got a bit used to the controls but I’m still dreading on my wallet being eaten up again by Chad.

Luckily I was saved when my phone rang “Guys pause it please.” to which they did “Hello?”

“Yes is this Tara Carpenter?” The voice said ‘Oh great, I already know who this is.’

I clear my throat “Yes Stan it’s me. What’s wrong you seem upset.” Stan laughed a little “Upset. You’re goddamn right I am!! ‘Sigh’ Look, can you please come down here and get your sister? She’s already at it again, causing another scene in my bar and lashing out at my customers. I’m already 5 seconds away from calling the cops!

I pinched the bridge of my nose scoffing in disgust “Ok just hang tight, I’ll be right over.” Before hanging up.

‘Damn it Sam can I have one day, just ONE day of not taking care of you?!’ I shook my head, grabbing my jacket from Chad’s room. “Guys, I gotta head out. As munch as I want to keep playing, I have to go get Sam…..again.”

They nodded their heads, understanding what I meant “Alright love, do you want me to give you a ride there and back?” Chad asked. I shook my head “Thanks for the offer babe but I have a feeling Sam drove her motorcycle there. No way I’m letting her drive that deathtrap home by herself.”

“T do you even know how to ride a motorcycle?” Mindy said, giggling. I folded my arms “I do too, know how to operate a motorcycle Minds! Quinn and I used to sneak it out a couple of times when Sam was asleep” though she did most of the driving.

Chad smiled and gave me a peck before leaving “Be careful out there. Call me when you get back.”

I nod “Will do, love you Chad.”

(Later)

(Sam’s pov) “Had enough drinking your sorrows and throwing a tantrum for one day?” He said, sitting next to me “Not until you’re finally cleared of my conscience forever, maybe then I’ll be at peace.”

He “rubbed” my back “Well somebody’s got to. Otherwise you’d be just like your mother going down her path instead of facing your problems head on.”

I picked my head up and threw a glass at him, which passed and hit the wall. “You ever start to think that YOU’RE the reason I can’t have a relationship or any friends?! Another person down the drain because you had to show up and ruin it!”

He laughed a bit “Sweetie I was only trying to warn you to be careful. You didn’t have to go screaming at the both of us.” God, why do I even bother with him. Then a bunch of cameras flashed me in the face

“Samantha carpenter? Gale weathers here questioning your take on the latest murders in woodboro. Do you think Ghostface will follow you to the big apple or have you become-?”

I spit on her “Your about to see another Ghostface if you don’t get the hell out my face!!” I shoved the cameraman towards her. She scoffed and walked away, good riddance.

I angrily stumbled over to the table and slumped on it once again, closing my eyes for a bit and ready to knock out the next person that bothers me. I was having a good slumber until I felt a hand on my shoulder “Sam.”

(Tara’s pov) The next thing I knew I saw a fist fly right at my face, hitting me in the jaw. ”Ow! What the fuck Sam?!” Then she fell to the floor “Shit! I’m sorry, I’m very sorry Tara. I didn’t know that was y-you.” I held my slightly bruised jaw

“Just get the fuck up, right now!” Sam “quickly” picked herself off the floor throwing her arms around me, crying down my shoulder. “Please, forgive me….I’m sorry Tara I’m so sorry that I’m such a fuck up and a sorry excuse of a sister!”

Oh good god she reeks of alcohol! “Sam. Would you PLEASE get off of me! I’m not mad just….fuck! I can’t even talk to you right now or breathe!” I pushed Sam off for relief “I want you to go outside and wait by the bike, I’m driving us home.”

Sam tearfully nodded, handing me the keys. “I’ll meet you out there in a few minutes.” I said before she stumbled out the front door.

Stan was sweeping up the floors before giving me a look “I’m gonna permanently ban her if she can’t control her temper in here. That’s the third time this week. You better see to it that you have a LONG talk with her!”

I rolled my eyes “You want a tip? Keep your nose out of other people’s business and stop giving them more than they already had!” before leaving to meet Sam outside.

As I found the bike with the key, I see Sam throwing up her drinks behind it “You done sis?” I said patting her back.

“Mhm….mmm so tired.”

I got on the motorcycle and turned the key “Come on then. I’ll put a movie on at home and you can go to sleep.” Sam coughed a bit before handing me her helmet “Here….put this on. I don’t have a spare but I always put your safety over mine.” I sighed a bit before feeling her arms wrap around my waist

“Are you sure you know ‘hic’ how to drive this t-thing?” I scoffed “Yes. I do actually. I um, looked up a video before coming here. Let’s just go home sis, you’re already wearing me out.”

Sam nuzzled her face into the back of my neck as I took off.

(One motorcycle ride later)

(Sam’s pov) I can’t say how impressed I am with Tara’s motorcycle skill. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was sneaking it out from the garage every night, that girl always likes to get into trouble.

As I got off the bike, I waked a few steps before suddenly falling to the ground. Looks like my ankle is more swollen from putting too much pressure on it earlier. I tried looking for something to help me walk but I found nothing.

Seeing no other option I carefully pick myself up and kept my balance leaning on the railings before it ran out. “Sam! You ok?” Tara said, noticing that I wasn’t making any progress.

“I’m fine sis. I’ll catch up.”

Tara shook her head and walked over to me, turning around and cupping her hands “Hop on, I’ll get us up there.”

“Tara no. I’m too-“

“Will you just get on my back?!”

I smiled a bit “Well….alright then.” As I gently got on Tara’s back, she hoisted me up quicker and held onto my legs.

I got worried when Tara had to lean forward a lot just to keep her balance, I felt terrible that she has to do this. “Tara please just let me-“

“Sam would you stop being so stubborn and let me take the wheel in our relationship? You always put yourself before others but never let them return the favor, just let me as your sister help you just this once.” Tara said as she headed for the stairs since the elevator is broken.

‘Sigh’ “Just tell me if you getting tired.”

Tara nodded as she prepared to climb up 7 flights of stairs….with me on her back!

(7 flights later)

(Tara’s pov) Not a lot of people know this, but I got a really strong back. So strong that I actually won an award for being able to carry so many items on my back as I walked without any aches. Unfortunately I got the nickname “Pack mule” from the other students for the rest of my high school life, but I proudly carry that title with pride and dignity to this day.

As I dropped Sam on the couch, I sat down next to her and peeled off my shoes and socks, sighing in relief from the soft carpet. I wasn’t expecting to carry Sam up seven flights of stairs, my poor legs and feet.

“All I know is, you owe me another foot massage, a really good one too. Oh my poor aching toes, having to carry such a heavy load.” Sam threw a grape at me “Hey, you wanted to carry me the whole way here, ask Chad to massage your gnome feet.” She said, smirking.

I threw Sam the finger before gesturing her to lay her head on my lap. “Come on. It’s time to tell the doctor what’s wrong.”

Sam crossed her arms, sitting up “Very funny sis. I already told you everything’s-“ I slapped my hand over her mouth

“BEFORE you finish that sentence, let me remind you that this is the THIRD time I had to drop everything and get you home. Even after you promised me that you wouldn’t be drinking your pain away again! You either tell me what’s going on or I’ll go throw myself onto an oncoming train tomorrow.

Sam glared at me “You wouldn’t fucking dare! You know I won’t be the same without you.”

I smirked “Think I’m bluffing? Just try me!”

Sam punched the table “Fine….Fine! You really want to know what’s going on in my fucked up life, Y/N?!” She took a breather “You really think you can help me, can you?”

I looked at Sam in offense “I’m your sister. Siblings are supposed to help each other out, even if it’s problems like this.”

Sam gave me a small hug before placing her head into my lap “Ok, listen….about Y/N”

[canirove]

My neighbour Rúben | Chapter 15

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Masterlist

“Another party?”

“Another party” Lucy said while closing the door behind her, the pizzas that had just been delivered on her hands. “That greasy friend of his was coming out of the lift with a girl on each arm.”

“Greasy?”

“Yes, that one who doesn’t know what an encyclopedia is.”

“Oh, you mean Grealish” I laughed.

“Same thing. He has greasy hair, so” she shrugged.

Rúben was throwing a party. Again. Like after every game at home they had had lately. It had become his new favourite thing to do once his parents and Ivan had left for Portugal to continue with his recovery there. 

Most of them lasted until pretty late, but the walls were thick and neither Julia, nor her mum or I, were hearing things we didn’t want to hear. Though most mornings we would cross paths with a different girl leaving his apartment, and it was all because of me. 

The moment I came back from London I went to speak with him, to tell him everything that had happened with Aaron. And he hadn't taken it very well.

“I knew something like this would happen after you hung up. I just knew it!”

“Rúben…”

“No! He took advantage of you, you know? You said it yourself, you have little to no experience with men. He noticed and took advantage of it.”

“He didn’t, Rúben. Like I told you already, I said yes to it, I did it willingly.”

“As if that made it any better” he snorted.

“Rúben…”

“I need to be alone” he said, storming out the door, those words being the last we shared.

“Anyway” Lucy said, bringing me back to the present. “What Chris Evans' movie are we watching today?”

“The Red Sea Diving Resort.” 

While Rúben was partying and doing God knows why, this was what I had chosen to do to cope with what had happened between us: watch Chris Evans’ filmography while it was just Lucy and I at home. It probably was the worst decision ever because he kept reminding me of Rúben and because Chris is a bit… special picking roles. But the time we were spending together was priceless.

“It sounds… interesting.”

“People say it is boring, but I’ve seen gifs online and he looks so hot.”

“Then it’ll be worth it” Lucy said, handing me a beer. “To Chris Evans’ boobs.”

“And America’s ass” I laughed. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Yes, grandma. I’ll go.”

“This may be it, you know?”

“I know. That’s why I’m going. See you next week, ok?”

“Ok. Love you, sweetie.”

“Love you too” I said, hanging up and walking into the lift. The moment it started moving, it made some weird noises, and when I was almost on my floor, it stopped. “Oh, no. No, no, no. Please move.”

But it didn’t. The lift had stopped. 

I pressed my floor’s button again, but nothing was happening. Well, not really. The lights were flickering. 

“No, no, no, no!” I screamed, pressing the emergency button, hoping someone would answer or come see what was going on. But it wasn’t working. Julia had pressed it more than once and it usually made a ring noise. Not today. 

And then, the lights went off. I was in complete darkness.

“This can’t be happening. No, no, no” I said again, unlocking my phone and calling Roger. He had been at the door when I came in, he should be answering. But he didn’t. I tried many times, and he didn’t pick up.

“Ok, breathe. Just breathe” I told myself, my hands shaking. I needed to get out of that lift. 

I tried calling Roger again, but it was pointless. The buttons still weren’t working and I was starting to feel very hot, so I sat down, trying to focus on my breath, closing my eyes and thinking that I was in my room, sitting on my bed, relaxing… But that didn’t work out either.

“Fuck!” I yelled, starting to cry. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

I unlocked my phone again, not sure about what I was doing. And then, for the first time in months, I called him.

“Rúben!” I cried when I heard him picking up. “Please don’t hang up, Rúben. I’m scared. Please.”

“Are you ok? What happened, where are you?” 

“Home, stuck on the lift. Please come get me out of here, please” I said between sobs.

“I’m on my way home from training. I’ll be there in ten minutes, ok?”

“Please” I cried.

“Ten minutes. I promise.”

I’m not sure if it took him ten minutes to arrive or not, but it felt like an eternity. When I heard noise above my head, I thought I was dreaming. Or maybe going crazy. But then the lights turned on again, and the doors of the lift slowly started to open.

“I’m getting you out of there, ok?” Rúben said. “I’m here.”

He was the one opening the doors.

“Give me your hand” he said once there was enough space for me to go through. I did as he told me, and I was suddenly flying, finally leaving that damned lift. 

“Rúben” I gasped when my feet touched the floor, hugging him and starting to cry again.

“It’s ok” he said, hugging me back. “It’s ok, you are ok. I’m here.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Feeling better?” Rúben said, sitting on the couch next to me. “You’ve stopped shaking.”

“Yes, I think the tea is helping. Thank you.”

“Of course. Do you need anything else? Do you want me to call Lucy?”

“No, no, it’s fine. Don’t ruin her date.”

“Is she seeing someone?”

“Yep. And she doesn’t want to tell me who he is, which isn’t fair. I’ve told her everything about me and now she is keeping secrets.”

“What about you? Are you seeing someone? Ramsdale, perhaps?” 

“Oh, no. We’ve texted a few times because he wanted to know how I was, but nothing else.”

“I'm sorry about everything I said that day" Rúben said after a few seconds in the most awkward silence ever. "About the way I shouted at you. I shouldn't have done it, I regret it so much…”

“It's ok.”

“No, it isn’t. I had barely slept, then during training Pep had gotten mad at me because I wasn’t focused, and even though it isn’t an excuse, when you told me what had happened in London I just exploded and made you pay for everything. And I shouldn't have done that. You didn’t deserve it, you had done nothing wrong.”

“I made out with another guy and ended up in bed with him.”

“But we weren’t dating, were we?” Rúben said. “And we hadn’t discussed if we were exclusive or the type of relationship we had.” 

“I guess, yeah.”

“I’m sorry” he said again. “I really am. If I could go back in time and do things differently, I would. ”

So would I, I said to myself.

“What about the parties, tho?” I dared to ask. After his apology and basically clearing out things between us, I needed to know if he was seeing someone. If he had moved on. “Would you also change that?”

“Definitely.”

“Really? You all seemed to be having lots of fun.”

“Nah.”

“Then none of those girls you were with made the cut?” I said, arching an eyebrow. He noticed and answered like I expected: with that smirk of his, making the last bits of the knot in my chest disappear.

“They are Jack’s friends. Very hot, but if you ask them about... I don't know, Stradivarius, their first thought is the shop, not the violins. They’ve probably never heard about the violins, to be honest.”

“Rude” I chuckled.

“But it is the truth. Do you want another one?” he asked after I left my mug on the table.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“I’ve missed you, you know? This. Us.”

“I’ve missed you too” I said, looking up at him. God, I had missed him. I had missed him so much. Seeing him in photos from the games or in training wasn’t the same as having him here, in the flesh, just a few centimetres away from me. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

“Please.” 

And before I had time to blink, he was already doing it. And it was a movie worth kiss like all his kisses were. 

“Rúben” I whispered between kisses, both of us laying on his sofa. “Let’s go to your room.”

“What?” he said, lifting his head from my neck and looking at me. 

“I want to go to your room.”

“Are you… are you sure?”

“Yes. C´mon” I said, getting up.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“You can stop me whenever you want” Rúben said, kissing my stomach.

“I know. I've heard you the other eighty times you’ve said it” I giggled. 

“Just eighty?” he said while looking up at me, that smirk on his face.

“Eighty-one with this. And again, I’m telling you I don’t want you to stop. I want to do it. All of it. And I want to do it with you.”

[haileyywrites]

hi!! how are you? i adore your writing and i was wondering if you could please write a bit of fluff! in which the reader gets overwhelmed and starts crying because their boyfriend is too sweet, nice, caring and cute. with anyone from genshin of your choice!

Summary: You become overwhelmed and cry from your boyfriend being too sweet, nice, caring and cute!

Pairings: Kaveh x Gn!reader

Notes/Warnings: Reader is completely gender neutral and not described in any way! Poc friendly! Just pure fluff! Reader cries but it's sweet and fluffy! Possible grammar errors!

You had always known Kaveh to be an incredibly kind human being; from the very first moment you met. Someone had rudely bumped into you which caused your items to fall from your hands, the person didn't even bother apologizing before continuing on their way. Kaveh happened to see the interaction and rushed over to help you - he even tried shouting after the person to apologize to you, but they didn't listen.

You appreciated the effort and his kindness nonetheless; he even offered to buy you some food to cheer you up! Though you protested against it, he managed to win you over in the end and he took you to a nice nearby cafe. You could see him eyeing at the prices with worried eyes and a strained smile, you could obviously tell he had some financial problems making his kind offer even more touching. You decided to order the cheapest item you liked and spent the afternoon with him just talking, god you could talk for hours with him!

Falling for Kaveh was the easiest thing you did in your life, but sometimes you wondered how it is you managed to get with him? With his looks and heart of gold you would think him to be more popular with suitors all over him; but no. The people in the Academia you understood as they were usually solely focused in their research, but he was so kind to everyone! Excluding his roommate whom he talked to you about, but didn't let you meet. Somehow Kaveh was a simple rock with gems hidden within, but others didn't seem to look deep enough to get to know him.

He may have not been that good with money, but he always finds other ways to treat you. One of his favorite things to do together is to go for a walk outside of Sumeru city and go sightseeing with you; he always finds the best spots too! Whether you're a morning person who he would go watch the sunrise with or a night owl who preferred the sunset, he will do whatever to make you happy. Seeing you be happy makes him beyond happy and it absolutely melts your heart!

There were many times in the past that almost caused you to burst into tears from him being too kind and sweet or too cute for you to handle! His tendency to draw in animals was strange, but so incredibly adorable. Stray cats would show up whenever you were sitting around and dogs would run up to greet you two - even birds would come closer to him than anyone else! Seeing him give in and pet or play with them was beyond cute!

He was also always so sweet and caring, he would never forget things you liked or cared about! If you needed space when upset he would give it to you; but if you wanted comfort he would be there in an instant with food or snacks he knew you loved. His kindness was also a bit of a flaw as he didn't want to think people would be terrible enough to use charity as a cash grab - which is why he often fell for them. This especially made you upset, but it didn't make you cry like today did.

Seeing the sky becoming darker and darker as your shift was beginning to end worried you, you had neglected to bring an umbrella as it had been clear all day before now. You would have to make your way to the other side of the city while getting completely soaked from the rain; not an ideal scenario. You though about staying until the rain stopped, but you had made plans with Kaveh today right after work and hated the thought of leaving him to wait for you without warning.

You sighed heavily as you changed back into your everyday clothes and prepared yourself for the downpour waiting for you outside, you said a quick goodbye to your colleague before heading for the door with a sad expression. The rain was as heavy as a shower or a bucket of water that was being emptied over you, you shivered as the cold outside air made contact with your skin. This was just your luck...

Out in the rain you could see a figure running full speed towards you, you wondered what kind of maniac was outside in this weather - until you recognized him. It was Kaveh! He held a red umbrella to shield him from the rain and wore a jacket that he usually didn't; it was one of your favorite clothing that he owned, but it was usually only on him during colder days like today. Seeing you he ran faster and almost bumped into you as he came to a halt!

“Thank the Archon's! I'm so glad I cought you before you left!” He said with a relieved smile.

“You came to get me?” You asked in a surprised tone.

He nodded his head as he handed you the umbrella he was holding and stripped off the jacket he was wearing; which he quickly handed to you. He had specifically brought it for you...

“Of course! I thought you probably didn't think to bring an umbrella with you today, so I couldn't possibly let you walk home and get yourself sick from this weather!” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Kaveh helpped you put on his jacket before smiling proudly when seeing you in his clothing; it was warm and smelled like him, the fabric was also incredibly comfortable. Everything about it made you feel so incredibly touched... The fact that he came to get you to make sure you didn't get soaked from the rain to bringing you his jacket and looking so proud when you wore it. You couldn't help, but to burst into tears from the sheer kindness and sweetness - the love and thoughtfulness.

Seeing you cry made Kaveh panic and instantly ask if you were okay, he asked if he did something that made you upset and if there was anything he could do to help you while still keeping the umbrella over you to cover you from the rain. It probably made you cry harder seeing him be so frantic and stumble over himself trying to calm you down - he was too cute for his own good! He was just too kind and caring of a human being that it was bound to make you burst into tears one day.

“I'm sorry, you're just too sweet!” You sobbed.

“Wha... What?” Kaveh asked in confusion.

“You're so sweet and kind! It's making me feel so loved!” You cried louder.

“Honey, I don't know what to say...” Kaveh laughed lightly while looking a bit bashful.

“You're also too cute!” You covered your eyes with your hands and continued to cry.

Kaveh stepped closer and pulled you in for tight hug, his hand was wrapped around your back, while the other was steadily holding his umbrella over you both. He let you cry your fill against his shoulder; with his hand running up and down along your back in a comforting manner. By the time you were finished crying rain had calmed down a bit to a pleasant soft shower.

Kaveh let go of you gently and wiped away the remaining tear stains from your cheeks, you both lightly laughed about the situation. Being this close you noticed how his eyes sparkled with so much love that you couldn't help, but lean in for a short yet sweet kiss. After you separated Kaveh held up the umbrella between you and encouraged you to place your hand over his; not only to adjust the umbrella so that it was comfortable for you, but also to hold your hand as he walked you home.

A/N: Hii, I'm doing well and thank you for asking Anon <3 Hope you're doing well too; remember to stay hydrated! Thank you so much for the request btw, your words are so kind! I really hoped you liked this, but if you didn't feel free to request again ^-^ I spent a lot of timing thinking which character to pick, but in the end Kaveh felt like the obvious choice lol I will soon be posting request rules - incase you or anyone else would like to request something in the future!

[Feel free to like, comment and or reblog! Any interaction with this post is greatly appreciated <3]

[latin5mamii]

stay ready (what a life)- CA, JS

|Warnings: none

|Summary:Be strong and forget about him!Is this so hard for you?

Maybe it's impossible to get over your past relationship, or maybe you just need to find someone that'll make you fall in love again.This should work, right?

You remain shocked as you read an article about your ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend.You almost want to cry,it’s only been three months since your breakup, and you were still devastated.

I mean,you didn’t really got over your ex relationship and in the moment where you were finally healing, you catch up this fucking article.

Jannik Sinner and bla,bla,bla..

You weren’t just jealous, you were also disappointed: he literally hid you for a half of a year because of his “privacy”and now?Photos and revealing facts about his new relationship?

You couldn’t stand it, but you also couldn’t say or do anything, your relationship is over and you have to go over it. Wish it was so easy, though.

You already messaged your girlfriends, of course.

------------------

-Mia: He’s a loser, who cares?

-Evelyn: He’s not a loser, he’s a dick

-Ava:Every loser is a dick

-Mia:period girl

------------------

Thank god your friends were there to help you out,but maybe he wasn’t really a dick, and not even a loser.

He’s actually one of the most responsible people you’ve ever met. He never treated you without respect, of course, but he could at least keep it a secret to let you suffer less and heal.

But now you have to get away with it.

------------------

You: girls don’t be so hard on him,please

Mia: ARE YOU SERIOUS 

Ava: …

Evelyn: We lost her again..

------------------

I think that after this,you’ll have to pay your girls to support you.

------------------

Ava:and to be honest, i never trusted him

You: Wait why?

Ava:He’s too much of a gentleman

Evelyn: I agree.

------------------

But unfortunately, that wasn’t the only bad news for today:

You had to go to the Roland Garros,where of course your ex boyfriend would play.

You are  famous too, you’re a fucking italian-spanish hot girl in her early 20’s and you had to go there, even if you wanted to die just to think about it. But you’re going to be a responsible person,right? Of course you are, or you hope so.

------------------

Ava: We are going to be with you for the whole journey and we’re going to have so much fun,don’t worry about him

Mia: Maybe you could get a new tennis rich boyfriend, who knows?

You:I don’t think I'm healed for another tennis player in my life, seriously.

Evelyn: That would be fun, though.

------------------

You wish you could do like in the movies where the main character fucks around with everyone just to get revenge on your ex boyfriend, but unfortunately you’re not the kind of person that your friends want you to be.

Oh my god that Anna girl looks really pretty, but most importantly, he seems to be in love,really in love.

You thought that you were always going to be together, what a stupid baby.How could you ever have fooled yourself like this?

All the memories started to flood your mind, you looked like you were about to cry, but as soon as a tear falls on your cheek, you remind yourself again:

You've cried too much, it's time to move on. But the real question is this: will you be able to do it?

-Author’s note

This is the first part of a long (i hope so) fanfiction, and if you trust me, you’ll be satisfied🤭

Thank you always for the support!💗

[rereisstuff]

IMPURITIES !

summary: SM’s new solo debut showcase hosted by Jung Jaehyun.

pairing: idol!reader x idol!jaehyun

warnings: so impurities by lesserafim is a soloist song and just that.

“why the genre of it? why rnb kind of genre?”

you almost laughed while watching Jaehyun avoiding eye contact with you.

the director have started the filming at least five times already, they didn’t gave Jaehyun a script so the first times he messed up saying things as ‘you look beautiful today’ or even more cringy things like ‘your voice is like dripping honey babe’.

“i happened to have a good friend who recommended that genre for my solo” you smiled and Jaehyun almost giggle in love.

you both were laying in his bed, almost melting into each other because of how close you were and then you started to sing ‘try again’ making him smile and after a long kiss he said ‘rnb would be perfect for you and me, i love that kind of songs and i love you’.

“the lyrics are…too touching, as if you were sincerely narrating some self love story to everyone” his words were covered in proudness making you shyly smile.

“you know, it’s a revelation to myself” you started “a time ago i liked someone and as soon as i met that person a sudden realization came to me, that person seemed so perfect i was afraid to not match and then the person found out and it told me to show my impurities, that it will make me more beautiful”.

the silence im the room was uncomfortable and suddenly your heard another ‘cut!’ and gasped, you looked at the director in disbelief and he signaled what was happening in front of you.

Jaehyun was crying, not like sobbing but tears were staining his cheeks.

“oh my god babe, what’s happening?” you rushed to the stylist that was handling you tissues and then crouched besides Jaehyun’s chair to clean his tears

“i’m just like, so proud and happy for you” he sobbed with a pout making you slightly smile while kissing his cheek, right where a dimple was forming.

“thank you cutie, but you don’t have to cry” you stood and Jaehyun immediately hugged your waist, placing his cheek in your stomach “i didn’t cried when Dojaejung debuted”.

“because i debuted with other two losers” he whined “and like…i just love you too much” his voice broke again.

“Jaehyun let her go, she is about to cry as well!” a make up artist rushed towards you both, and yes you were about to cry.

you had THE Jung Jaehyun crying because how much he loved you, how could you not be crying?

you managed to kiss his head “let’s finish this so we can have dinner and cry lots while we listen the same Elvis song for hours”.

“Oh yeah so we can go home too!” you both laughed while sniffing, the director seemed amused by the tear mess you were.

“Jae, i love you too much too babe” you said as the make up lady ended the retouch.

a large sob came out of Jaehyun’s mouth and he started crying again.

“see you tomorrow! make sure to request other NCT member i can’t keep working with this one” the director got up.

[lynnimini]

₊⊹ 𝘮𝘳. 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴 ₊⊹

description: fluff ⋆ hurt/comfort? ⋆ oneshot

In which y/n meets sungho at the lowest point in her week and he becomes her shoulder to cry on.

pairings: p. sungho x afab!reader

words: 1.8k

warnings: crying ⋆ angst but not really ⋆ some cursing

"holy shit i did not fucking need this today"

you muttered to yourself as you covered your head with your purse and ran down the sidewalk to the covered bus stop in pouring rain.

you had just gotten off work... actually no, you had just gotten released from overtime because your juniors had no idea how to handle themselves and relied on you for every. single. fucking. problem. they held you back almost every day this week, and today just overwhelmed you more than usual.

on top of your frustration, it started pouring rain outside. the gloomy, gray sky made you feel sad and fatigued, but you were forced to run down the street in heels with no umbrella to stay at least remotely dry.

after you got to the little sheltered bus stop, you sat down and caught your breath. you fixed your messy hair that was blown around in the wind. your lipstick was almost completely gone, mascara threatening to drip off your eyelashes and down your cheeks any second now.

"are you alright?"

a voice tentatively piped up from next to you. a very tall, good looking man was standing to your right and looked very concerned for you. usually sungho minded his own business and preferred not to talk to strangers, but seeing you stumble in your heels while your neat outfit and appearance got all messed up in the rain made him feel bad for you. you looked so tired that you could fall over at any moment because of the heavy wind and rain.

upon hearing sungho's question, you just started to cry. the week's frustration caught up and hit you all at once and now you looked so messy and awful that even a total stranger felt bad for you.

"oh my god i am so sorry i didn't mean to make you cry"

sungho panicked and handed you a small pack of tissues, not really having any idea what to do in a situation where you make a total stranger cry. you cried even harder as you accepted the pack of tissues, this time because of how nice he was being to a random girl who probably looked insane crying all her makeup off.

"i just saw you shivering so much and you looked so upset and i'm so so so sorry. do you want to get out of the cold? there's a cafe right down the street if that would make you feel better"

sungho really had no idea what to do, anxiously scratching the back of his neck as he tried to do whatever it takes to get you to stop crying. in your fit of crying, your body desperately knew you needed a hug, so you instinctively laid your head onto sungho’s shoulder.

sungho didn’t mind at all, but was certainly taken aback. but if anything, he was grateful that his wide shoulders were useful in this situation. he didn’t care that your makeup got all over his shirt. thankfully, your crying quieted, small sniffles and little gasps for air leaving your throat as you dabbed at your eyes and looked at sungho and nodded.

he smiled slightly at the sight of you crying less and started leading you to the cafe he mentioned. your cheeks flushed red as you followed him, remembering that you looked like an absolute mess.

"do you like coffee?"

sungho asked as you two entered the warm cafe, your skin feeling pure relief at the feeling. you nodded and sungho led you over to a small corner booth.

you sat down while sungho ordered coffee for the two of you. you looked around at the nearly empty cafe. it was beautifully decorated with a vintage green and brown theme. you were grateful that the cafe wasn't too crowded, or else you would have had to face so many people.

you took out your phone and hurriedly fixed yourself up before sungho could come back. you wiped off all your lipstick and mascara/mascara streaks and tamed your damp hair.

"i'm sorry for suddenly bringing you here and for making you cry"

sungho immediately apologized upon sliding into the booth with you. you shook your head.

"no no, don't worry about that. i'm sorry for suddenly crying like that and messing up your shirt. i don’t know what got into me. did i make you uncomfortable?"

“NO. not at all”

he suddenly shouted and you giggled in relief.

you took a moment to truly look at sungho for the first time. he had long brown hair, wide shoulders, a muscular build, and slightly chubby cheeks that you found cute. overall, he was incredibly handsome and it made you more embarrassed for looking like a mess in front of him.

sungho saw you eyeing him up and down, but noticed the way your eyes lingered on his wide shoulders, thinking about how cute it was. he was actually very proud of his wide shoulders, and it made him happy to know you could comfortably lean on him since you really needed it.

"what's your name by the way? i don't think i ever caught it in our little rush to get out of the rain"

sungho smiled and it made your cheeks heat up slightly.

"i'm l/n y/n, and you?"

"park sungho. i've been meaning to ask you what the matter was y/n. i don't see many people bursting into tears all of a sudden like you"

sungho made note of your pretty name and how nicely it rolled off his tongue before carefully teasing you for the way your first impression went. he tried to sound caring and gentle through his teasing tone.

he thought it was cute how your cheeks blushed a soft pink at his teasing before you answered honestly.

"i was just so overwhelmed at work this week and it was raining today so it made my mood a whole lot worse”

you admitted, being slightly interrupted by the lady who brought you two cups of hot coffee. you two thanked her and sungho nodded at you, motioning to continue with your story.

“and then when you asked me how i was i think i started crying because everyone asked me to do stuff and help them but never bothered to ask how i was doing”

you shyly said, watching sungho’s listening demeanor change to one of surprise.

“so you haven’t gotten any chances to relax?”

he asked. you shook your head. after overtime, it’s always been you going back to your apartment, doing chores, and heading to bed.

sungho thought for a moment after hearing that.

“have you eaten yet?”

he pressed on. he wasn’t slick. even though he saw you soaked and appearance messed up by the rain, he thought you were so beautiful. he didn’t wanna be pushy since you were crying earlier, and was genuinely worried, but now that you’ve opened up he really wanted you to see that he was interested. too bad sungho doesn’t have much experience flirting. he has no clue what he’s doing.

“no, not yet. i was planning to go to the store to pick up groceries but clearly..”

you gestured to the heavily pouring rain and sungho laughed softly.

“do you maybe wanna go get something to eat? my treat for making you cry earlier”

sungho laughed nervously this time and you shook your hands at him.

“please let me pay! you already paid for coffee and were kind enough to let me ruin your shirt. it’s the least i could do”

you pleaded with him but sungho adamantly refused. he thought ‘what kind of man would i be if i didn’t pay for dinner?’

“i’m paying. please? it’s my way of telling you you need to think about yourself more instead of other people”

he begged and you couldn’t say no to his pleading eyes, so you reluctantly agreed. he got up and led you to the exit, taking your hand and smiling at you before you went outside.

“ready?”

he smiled mischievously and you laughed, nodding at him. he quickly dashed down the street, holding his hand above his head while you did the same.

“this is so fun!”

you shouted and you could hear his happy laugh from just up ahead. you two reached a noodle restaurant and he brought you inside to sit at a table. you two looked at the menu and ordered before resuming your conversation again.

“do you, maybe, feel better than before?”

sungho asked tentatively. he was afraid of sending you back into a fit of tears, and was pleased when you smiled and nodded.

“thank you for everything today sungho. really.”

you smiled and sungho’s smile faltered a little.

“you’re making it sound as if we’ll never see each other again”

he chuckled nervously, bringing his hand to the back of his neck again. your eyes widened at his implications before you smiled teasingly.

“are you saying you wanna see me again? my soggy, messed up appearance didn’t scare you away?”

you laughed as sungho nodded furiously, but shook his head straight after.

“yes! i mean no! yes i wanna see you again and no to the looks thing. i thought you looked really pretty while you were running over to the stop for shelter”

he started off confidently, voice fading to quiet mutters. your cheeks flushed a soft pink, flattered that he could even think you looked pretty in that state.

“you’re so sweet sungho! i’m happy you thought so”

you said as you giggled seeing the way his cheeks flushed a similar shade of pink as yours.

“soooo, does that mean i can have your number?”

he asked shyly, and you nodded, handing him your phone to put his number in. you two had a really good time talking and eating together in the noodle shop. you guys fit each other so well, having similar likes and dislikes, and even having gone to the same high school together.

after you finished eating, sungho rode the bus with you and you two parted ways there. you guys were sad you two had to part ways, but sungho was more relieved you got off before him, meaning you were home by the time he got off.

by the time both of you were settled and comfortable in your own homes, sungho decided to be brave and send you the first text. it was just a simple “hiii, it’s sungho 😊”.

the moment you heard the buzz from your phone, you eagerly picked it up and blushed at what he saved his contact in your phone as. you didn’t know for sure if he caught you staring, but it was sweet nevertheless:

“your shoulder to cry on <3”

[cheezyratz]

Spiderdads fic for y’all! ^^ Warning! There’s angst here!

^ Some days were harder than others. Miguel knew that all too well, walking away from Peter and MayDay as fast as he could. He loved Peter, he loved MayDay too, but it was painful. To be reminded of what he had lost hurt worse than any bruise or cut, it hurt him worse than when he broke a couple ribs fighting a villain. The loss of Gabi was personal, heartbreaking, and would never go away. Quicker than he had expected, Miguel found himself in his empty lab. He sat down in one of the corners, pulling his legs up to his chest as he began to cry. His tears were felt hot, almost like they were burning. They fell fast, his cheeks stained with the tears after only a couple of seconds. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this. He had to be seen as the tough and stern leader the Spider Society needed, not a cry baby. Miguel gasped when he heard the lab doors open, trying his best to rub away the tears on his face and then cursing when new tears came to replace the ones wiped away. “Miguel? You in here?” Called Peter, and Miguel tried his best to be silent, using all the effort he could to suppress his sniffles and whimpers. It didn’t work in the end, because Peter ended up finding him. Peter’s face was full of shock and concern. Miguel felt guilty. He felt stupid and ashamed. This was his problem to deal with and he had dragged Peter into it. “Go away.” Miguel spoke, choking on his words as he buried his face in his hands. Like always, Peter didn’t listen. Peter walked to Miguel’s side, sitting down next to the crying man. The two sat in silence for a bit, the only noises coming from Miguel’s ragged breathing. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Peter whispered, putting an arm around Miguel’s shoulders. Miguel took his head out of his hands, looking up at Peter who had a soft smile on his face. Miguel’s bottom lip began to quiver as the tears started to fall again. He laid his head on Peter’s chest, pulling at the fabric of Peter’s suit as he cried. His sobbing was loud. Every word was like a scream, every gasp and suck of breath through clenched teeth sounding painful, almost making Peter cry himself. Peter tried to comfort Miguel, rubbing circles into his back as the Miguel tugged and pulled at Peter’s spidey suit. Eventually Miguel calmed down, cheeks stained with tears and sniffles as quiet as whispers. “S-Sorry.” Miguel choked out, his grip on Peter’s suit loosening. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” Peter assured, running his fingers through Miguel’s hair. “How’re you feeling?” Peter asked, voice soft and quiet. “I’m ok.” Miguel answered. “Any other day I’d let you get away with that, but not today. Don’t lie to me Miguel, how are you actually feeling?” Peter persisted. Miguel sighed, “Guilty, stupid… sad.” “You know what?” “What?” “It’s perfectly valid to feel that way. Everyone has their doubts about themselves, and it’s important to acknowledge them so they don’t get all bottled up inside.” Peter smiled, kissing Miguel’s forehead. Miguel rolled his eyes, a smile forming on his face. “God, Peter, you sound like a therapist.” He chuckled, before letting his head fall onto Peter’s shoulder. “I’ll sound like Kermit if it’ll keep a smile on your face.” Peter teased, before doing a mediocre impression of Kermit the Frog. Miguel only hummed, wrapping his arms around Peter.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Miguel: btw where’s mayday? She was with you earlier.

Peter: I let Miles watch her

Miguel:

Peter:

Miguel: Peter…

Peter: Miles can watch a baby, don’t worry! He’s very responsible! :P

*meanwhile*

Miles: MayDay! Please don’t crawl on the ceiling! 😰

MayDay: >:]

[pengychan]

[Our Flag Means Death] The Lost Unicorn, Pt. 1

Title: The Lost Unicorn Summary: Weakened by the gunshot wound, Izzy falls behind during the escape and is captured. The good news is that the navy surgeon can keep him alive. The bad one is that he's now live bait for the crew of the Revenge. Characters: Izzy Hands, Ed Teach, Stede Bonnet, Crew of the Revenge, Ricky Barnes Rating: T All chapters are tagged as 'lost unicorn' on my blog.

Do I already have WIPs I should be working on? Yes. Do I know exactly where this is going? No. And yet here we are.

***

Looking back later on, Izzy Hands wouldn't quite be able to recall the moment he’d collapsed. 

It must have been close enough to the beach because he could almost smell it, the sea and salt in the air. He’d tried to focus on that and ignore everything else - the searing pain in his side, the slickness of blood seeping through his fingers, the cobwebs of darkness starting to cloud the edges of his vision.

He was going to die, he’d been certain that the second the shot had rang out and he’d felt the burn of hot lead in his gut - but please, he’d thought, please, let it be on the Revenge. Let it be at sea. 

But if there was a God anywhere - the one his mother had taught him about, or any other - he’d never been much inclined to listen to his pleas. Today was no exception: next thing he knew he was on the ground, leaves beneath him and trees around him. He felt very heavy and very light at the same time, none of his limbs responding as they should, and he was so very cold.

He’d managed to look up, and he’d seen someone’s back - Ed, it was Ed - but he hadn’t seen him collapse, and Izzy did not call out. He’d turn back for him if he did, or at least Izzy wanted to believe he would, and if he did… if he did…

I’d slow him down. They’d get us both, he’d thought, and let his head drop back on the ground with a groan. The darkness in his vision grew, blotting out everything else. He heard steps, and voices - ‘We got one of them!’ - but it was all so very distant. When someone grabbed him to yank him up, he’d gone cold all over and even pain couldn’t reach him anymore. His head lolled back as someone shook him. Quite rudely, too.

“In the name of King George--”

“Oh, fuck off,” Izzy grunted, and everything went dark.

***

“WE DID IT!”

Blood rushing in his ears, Stede Bonnet wasn’t sure whose voice cried that out; all he knew was that the next second more voices were joining in, a collective wordless cry of triumph, which he joined the second he clambered aboard the Revenge. 

He almost fell on his face in the process, really, but Ed caught him before that happened and no one noticed, busy as they were hugging and cheering. Jim was also kissing Archie fully on the mouth, and Stede turned to Ed to suggest they did that too, only for Ed to wordlessly turn, cup his cheek and, indeed, do that. 

It made Stede just a little weak on the knees, particularly when Ed pulled back and smiled. “That,” he said, “was the best fuckery I’ve ever seen.”

Stede grinned back and leaned in for another kiss. Unfortunately, it was not to be. 

“We’re not out of danger yet!” Auntie snapped, causing the cheering to die down a little. “We’re still within firing range, get this ship moving!”

Ah, right, that. Stede sighed, and turned from Ed. The sooner they were well away from the British navy, the sooner he and Ed could resume… interrupted business. “We’ll be off right away. Izzy, will you-- Izzy?”

Stede’s eyes scanned the deck and so did the crew’s, the cheering now definitely gone as they looked at each other in confusion and then - as they counted each other and came up one short, as Lucius rushed to the side to look back at the rowboats they’d arrived in only to find them empty - there was quiet, dawning comprehension. 

“Izzy?”

“No, it can’t--”

“Where is he?”

“He wasn’t on your boat?”

“I saw him just before we got to the beach…!”

“He must have fallen behind, with that leg--”

Something very heavy and very cold sank into Stede’s stomach. He turned to see Ed looking back at him, eyes wide, jaw slack. “They got him,” Ed said, as though trying out words in a foreign language. “They got Izzy.”

There were shouts on the shore, and navy officers were storming the beach, just a few minutes too late. The crew had left no rowboats for them to follow, but several were already taking aim with their rifles and a few more were running back, surely to get to one of the warships anchored at the arbor. 

As shots rang out, none of them hitting the ship, Ed turned fully to look back and scowled, anger looming behind his eyes like a thunderstorm. 

“I’ll go get him back,” he growled, and stepped towards the ladder like he fully intended to get in the water, swim his way to the beach, and mow down half an army of navy officers. Which to be honest was probably his plan. 

“What-- no, we need to get away now,” Stede spoke up, rushing to put a hand on his shoulder. “Ed, it would be suicide--”

Ed turned to look at him, and Stede trailed off. The anger was still there, but most of all he looked haunted. “Stede, if they got him it was my fault.”

“How would it--”

“I fucked his leg up, that’s got to be why he fell behind. I have to--”

More shots, and this time one whizzed past them to hit the mast. It got the paralyzed crew to move at last, getting the ship ready to lift anchor and move out of reach. Ed swallowed, looking around. “No. Please, I can’t leave--”

“We’ll get him back,” Stede cut him off, squeezing his shoulder. “We’ll think of something, Ed. No one on this ship is going to just leave Izzy in their grasp. Isn’t that right?” he called to the crew over his shoulder, getting back a lot of grim gazes, some nods, and Jim’s voice. 

“Of course we’re getting our unicorn back,” they said, to more nods and mutters of agreement from the others, and that was it.

… Well, there was the Swede loudly asking since when was Izzy an unicorn and what had he missed, but Stede supposed the crew could fill him in later. And him too, really, since he had no idea what this unicorn thing was all about. For now, however, he focused on Ed.

“We’ll lose them and then go right back for him. I promise. And then we’ll be regretting it because he’s going to be absolutely insufferable,” he added. Ed made a brave attempt at a smile. It came out more of a grimace.

“What if they didn’t catch him alive?” he whispered, and Stede’s grip on his shoulder tightened again. He gave what he hoped was an encouraging smile. 

“From what I’ve seen, Izzy is good at many things,” he said. “But staying dead is not one of them.”

***

“Oh, look. It lives.”

The words didn’t register right away, not with his own grasp on consciousness fragile as a dry leaf. He could tell he was laying on his back, that there was a ceiling above him, and little else. It told him he was no longer laying face down in the dirt, which was an improvement. 

It also told him that the British Navy got him, which was an absolute pain in the ass and not the kind he enjoyed, either.

… Speaking of actual pain, how come he was not feeling any? His head felt light, thoughts disjointed, and when he tried to move he seemed unable to.

“You’re quite lucky, you know.” 

The voice came again, and this time it did register. That twat, of course. Ricky something, minor prince of the Kingdom of Fucking Off. Maybe he should have been happy with laying face down in the dirt after all. Beat being in the hands of the navy and having to listen to fucking Pinocchio’s drivel.

“Our ship surgeon was not among the good men your friends poisoned,” Prince Whathisface continued, like anyone had fucking asked. “I felt generous enough to have him use his skills on you. Etiquette demands you utter two little words for it, I believe.”

Izzy’s mouth felt dry as bone, but not so much he couldn’t graciously offer those two little words. Let no one say Israel Hands did not follow proper etiquette.  “Fuck you.”

“... You got one of them wrong.”

“Fuck off.”

A sigh, like a long-suffering parent. “I suppose I served you that one on a silver platter, didn’t I? And to think I was going to offer some water,” he commented. Suddenly he was gripping Izzy’s chin, forcing him to turn. Vision slowly clearing, he could see the noseless fuck sitting on a chair by a cot he’d been laid onto, likely in one of the rooms at Spanish Jackie’s. 

He could see his wooden leg against the opposite wall, too, and feel the cold of a mental manacle around one wrist as well as the tightness of bandages around his stomach.

He was going absolutely nowhere, that was for sure. 

“Waste of your fucking time,” Izzy spat. “Patching up someone you’re going to-- hang either way.”

A shrug, and Prince Syphilis stood. “Yes, well. I never said we ought to hang you right away. You know, I thought long and hard about what you told me today. You remember your moving speech, I am sure?”

“That you’re a rancid, syphilitic cunt?”

“... What you said before that.”

Izzy bared his teeth in a sneer. Or at least he hoped that was what showed on his face. None of his muscles felt like it responded as it should. “Dressed in puffy, blue nighties.”

“Before that.”

“Oh, fuck off. I’m not playing games with a rich little boy.”

A scowl. “I ought to warn you, it’s quite unwise to provoke someone who single-handedly destroyed the Republic of--”

“What the fuck did you destroy? A few ships, some shacks. But you let the best crew that’s ever sailed these waters slip between your fingers.” Because you’re a fucking moron, Izzy wanted to add, but his dry throat refused to cooperate further. 

He licked his lips and it was a mistake, because the next moment Prince Noseless was pouring water from a pitcher and drinking from the glass, making direct eye contact. The absolute cunt.

“Ah, refreshing. I did need that.” A smile fake as his nose, and he put the glass down. “But yes, the crew. That’s what I was thinking about. A moving spiel, that. About belonging, and… a family to kill for, I believe you said. An interesting perspective on piracy. Although it doesn’t seem any of them stopped to help you up.”

With the mind’s eye, Izzy saw it again: Ed’s back retreating as he kept running towards the sea. He had not seen him fall; of course he had not stopped. But had he called out, would he have come back for him?

“So, it got me thinking. This is a good chance to find out if your inspired little speech was true, or only the delusion of an old pirate in a dying world.” Prince Cunt sat again, and the fake smile curled his lips once more. “You’re not alive out of the kindness of my heart, of course.”

A scoff. “If you’re trying to scare me--”

“You’re live bait, Israel Hands. If what you said is true, then your precious crew will be back for you. Of course we will be ready for them in turn, and hang them to the last man. And woman. And… whatever else is there. We’ll hang you too, obviously, but you’ll get a first-row seat to watch them go first.”

Something cold squeezed Izzy’s gut, worse than the bullet, and suddenly he didn’t know what to say. Suddenly, for the first time in years, he was scared. He tried to keep his expression steady, but something had to show. The fucking cunt’s smile widened, ugly as they come. 

“But if you were wrong, and no one comes to your rescue… then we’ll take you to Kingston to make a proper spectacle out of your execution when you pay the price for all of them. And you’ll die knowing none of them came back for you.” The scrape of a chair being pushed back, and the bastard stood. “This pirate’s tale ends with your death either way. But it will be fun, won’t it? To find out if you were right.” Steps to the door, the creak of hinges. “... And to find out which ending you fear most.”

Anger made a comeback, and it was a relief: he could handle anger far better than dread. Izzy ground his teeth, and lifted his head with a grunt of effort. “Fuck o--”

Another creak and the door was shut, a key turned into the lock. Shackled to the bed, a barely healing hole in his gut and a leg short, Izzy Hands closed his eyes and let his head fall back on the pillow. 

“Fuck,” he breathed out, and he couldn’t keep his voice from trembling.

***

[On to Part 2]

[thereismusicinmysoul]

Work was closed today because of an ice storm, so I took the unexpected day off to finally finish the pleated wrap skirt I've been working on since early November! I got really rambly about the whole thing so here's a picture of the finished product and I'll drop the rest below the cut.

This project came about because I've been watching The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty with some friends and I DESIRE a swooshy skirt. While I didn't follow any patterns and wasn't setting out to make the same exact style of skirt, it was definitely influential. (This skirt brought to you by numerous tutorial videos, including one on Chinese mamianqun's and one on Korean hanbok's, and an absolute refusal to actually follow anyone's instructions. No pattern, we die like men)

It's been almost 10 years since I've done any sewing, so I decided to buy sheets from the thrift store so that I wouldn't cry as hard if things went horribly or I had to trash the project. (Don't get me wrong, I still cried. Because Oh Golly did things go wrong. But it wasn't as tragic as if I'd used full price fabric from Joann's, ya feel?) So from there the idea grew from "pleated wrap skirt" (my rationale: I don't have to be precise in my measurements, straight hem, but still lots of swoosh) to "make this skirt out of a queen size top sheet with as little waste as possible" because who doesn't love a challenge?

....and oh what a challenge it ended up. I plotted things out in my notebook, planned how I would cut everything, and oh let me tell you: rationally I knew how big the sheet was. But laying it out to cut it? So huge. So much fabric. It covered my entire bedroom floor. All of this going into a single skirt oh god what have I gotten myself into? But this part actually went the smoothest of the whole process! Because...

I wasn't doing normal pleats. Since I was trying to make the swooshiest dress with as much of the fabric as I had, I did "deep pleats" which is. A normal pleat but if you shove more fabric inside the pleat. No one wanted to explain to me exactly how to do this. The one person I found who did gave me MATH about it. And boy am I bad at math. Used a pillowcase to practice and wrap my head around how the math worked (the intangible makes no sense to me, I must hold it in my hands), sorted the math, started pleating for real! Measured my pinned pleats and it came up way shorter than anticipated. Have I mentioned it's been a hot minute since I've sewn? Also this was my first attempt ever at pleats. SO! I unpinned everything, made my deep pleats slightly less deep, pinned them all up again, and then blessedly listened to my Grammy's advice to baste the pleats first. Because horror of horrors, my measurements were right the first time and now my fabric was too long for the waistband I'd already put Quite A Lot Of Effort Into. Like, it's a wrap skirt. I would've just made do. But no. It wouldn't even fit.

Within this process, I sewed together my three skirt panels, put in a pocket (oh the choices I made. This pocket did not survive to the completion of the skirt because it was BAD. I was terrified that the fabric wouldn't hold up to the weight of me dripping my phone into it and covered the ENTIRE pocket in interfacing. This would be fine if I'd wanted it to fuck up the way the skirt lay, but this was not in fact what I wanted. I am however very proud of the placement I worked out for it, it sits inside one of the pleats so it isn't visible), hemmed the WHOLE FUCKING THING (look. Again. I knew it was a lot of fabric. But it did not occur to me that I would be hemming fucking 240" across the bottom, plus 30" up either side. I used ALL of my pins to accomplish this), and made a very lovely waistband and ties.

Now it is at this point that I went out of town for thanksgiving, remembered I had other Christmas crafting plans, started a new job working more hours, and left this skirt to languish until a few weeks ago when I finally had the heart to rip out all of those pleats, remembered I wanted to redo the pocket while I was here (and let me tell you, I needn't have worried about the strength of the pocket. I had that fucker in there GOOD. I think it took longer picking out that single pocket than it took taking out all of the pleats), and then set about redoing everything.

Now something you may not know about me is I exist in somewhat of a state of chaos. I try to write things down to negate this, but uh. Guess who didn't write down where she left off, and couldn't decipher the mad scientist notes that made sense in the heat of the moment, but not several months later? That would be me. Thankfully I was able to sort things out, get the pocket put back in, got the pleats pinned in record time, and praise whatever deity you may recognize, it was the right length this time! So this afternoon, I attached it to the waistband, did a very lovely "stitch in the ditch" (that I had to take out because something got fucked up in the back and it wouldn't lay right. I never regretted how closely I matched the thread to the fabric more than I did in that moment), REDID all that stitching, and now I have a skirt!

Ultimately, I don't actually know if I'll wear it. I no longer own many tops that lay well with a skirt without making me hate my body, and I don't know that I like the length. Maybe a shopping trip and cutting off several inches (...oh god I'll have to re-hem it...) will make me like it on myself better, but even if I don't and I never wear it, this has been a really fun and fulfilling project! I'm satisfied just with having completed it and I've learned a lot in the process! And hey, for going into this refusing to follow a pattern, with a goal of "use the entire sheet in the skirt" I think it came out pretty nicely. Plus, if nothing else, I can pleat like an absolute pro now.

[dragonmistressivy]

So today went worse than i thought it would. The Vatican was way too crowded and hot and i ran out of water. Also the soreness in my feet was overwhelming so i could barely walk. Then we went to the colosseum and i was too exhausted to fucking care about it even tho that is one reason i wanted to go on this trip. Also then we had to walk to the roman forum. And that was for another hour. Then we had to walk to dinner which was like another 20 minutes. And as you could guess they had nothing in would eat not that i was hungry. Then we had like 2 and a half hours of free time to explore rome. It was pain. On the way back to the bus to get back to the hotel i fell doen like 8 stairs so my left arm, back, and taibone hurt so much(no bruising yet) also i actually cried for the first time in years from how painful it was. I was crying and asking my mom why did i have to sign up for this trip and can we please just go home. We can’t go home until the trip ends. I am in pain. And the only reason i didn’t hit my head and possibly died(i wish i had) was because i was wearing a backpack and my water bottle took a lot of the force. Luckily nothing in my bag or my body broke. If my nintendo switch had broke i would be pissed. Whoever made marble stairs deserves to go to the 9th circle of hell for all eternity. I hate stairs because i have god awful coordination. I trip all the time. And i almost feel so many time in the Vatican. I want to go home. I am in so much pain and Tylenol didn’t help when i had it this morning or after the Vatican visit. I want to be home in bed not having to have suffer even more. Literally everything here brings me suffering somehow. Like seriously how. My body hair is starting to be visible. Thank god i always wear clothes that completely cover my body. Unfortunately i can’t shave it all off because i don’t have the time or space. I can’t shave while standing up so i do it in the bath. And there has only been showers here. How are all the cis girls completely hairless and the guys almost hairless like they were when we arrived. How? Just how? Why do i have so much body hair? Why. Why must all the thing to remove hair either not work, be too painful, or not be possible for me to do. I can’t do laser hair removal until after i turn 18 and probably long after that because i can’t work because i will breakdown if i do and then i have college after my senior year and i will not be able to work and go to school at the same time wirhout failing at school and missing work. I will fail at everything. I am a failure. Why was i born. All i do is waste and waste. For example the dinner they give us first me just goes stand in the trash which is a waste because it should be going to someone who’ll eat it instead of giving to me then the trash. Also we have wasted like 6.5k for me to go on this trip and all i am doing is complaining and being a annoyance. I am worthless. I will never be happy. And seeing all the girls and the way they look and how they have friends and partners makes me want to die. Or the trans guy on the trip who looks exactly like what he wants to look like, has a gf, and has friends and loved ones who care for him in more than just their physical health. I will never get what i want no matter what. I was given a shit hand. Why fate do you like playing with me? This trip is pushing me closer to committing. I can’t stand existence and this trip is making it at least 10x times worse. I hate it. I want to have never signed up for this trip 2 years ago. I am suffering and in pain so much here. Please put me out of my misery. It will be mercy

[snclovveerr]

In my restless dreams I see that town

WARNING: Suicide,bullying, self harm, death

All y/n wanted to do was be friends with Colby but he never seemed too like her..

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

I never knew why Colby hated me so much but it hurt.

I knew today was going to be cold, I put on my flared jeans, white under top, nirvana shirt, and my favourite green woolen jumper.

I put on my perfume and started to cry from the pain of the mist on my wrist, why did I do this, was it too feel something? I don’t know but it helped.

What did I do so wrong to others? I hate this life.

I cried again.. I always cry in the mornings I hate looking at myself. It hurts so much to do such simple things. I wish I could just be a normal person.

I wiped my tears with my sleeve and started packing my bag.

TIME SKIP AT SCHOOL ☆

“Ew” Colby pointed to y/n

I felt hurt but this was a normal thing by now.. as I was putting my bag into my locker I grabbed my iPod and earbuds.

“Man I don’t know why you hate her so much she hasn’t done anything to you just leave it” Sam sighed

“I hate her because she is fucking ugly and disgusting, honestly I hope she dies no one even likes her” Colby laughed

I felt tears sting my eyes but I choked it back, I put my earbuds in and tuned out not wanting to hear his bullshit

As I was walking to first period I saw Colby and his friends out front the door I tried to ignore them but.

“god you’re so fucking disgusting just leave this school and don’t come back” Colby laughed as he put his foot out

I tripped and layed their hopelessly. What did I do wrong?..

Colby grabbed my books and ripped them

I couldn’t move I couldn’t do anything I just sat and watched.

I got up and ran to the bathroom.

Why the fuck does he treat me so bad what did I do wrong can I do anything to improve myself? Why is he so mean?? Thoughts ran through my head constantly as tears started rolling down my face.

I sat in the bathroom crying trying to think of solutions of how he would like me but nothing came to mind.but one thing did, it seemed too dramatic but it seemed like I couldn’t do anything else.

I grabbed my blade out from my pocket and pulled my sleeve up.

I cried looking at the blood running down my arm..

I can feel something, it’s almost as if I deserve this, I was clean for months but that was when Colby left for a trip, but everything is coming back now, I’m scared to go to school or even socialise with people, I can’t focus on work because he always takes my stuff and rips it.

I hear someone walk in the bathroom I decide to stay quiet

“I don’t understand why Colby does that shit to her like she seems so sweet??” A soft voice from outside said

“Apparently she liked him and he hates her, no one knows why though it’s stupid if he hates her for no reason” a girl said

I decided to walk out the stall even though they were defending me I didn’t want to hear about him right now.

While I was walking through the hallway it felt like eyes were on me everywhere I turned, did I do something wrong?

It’s almost the end of the year so I decided to just go home.

»»————> that night <————««

I had just woke up it was 3:00? Fuck I slept late

I grabbed my computer and started scrolling on twitter

What did Isla do wrong?-Lucy

She’s disgusting she is just like ugh I don’t even know why I hate her so much she just annoys me so much her presence pisses me off- Colby

Of course people were talking about me..

I did see people defending me in the replies but it didn’t feel like enough, Colby didn’t care and never did..

Everytime I had friends he would turn them against me no matter what I did to try and make them stay

I just want to be liked

I’ve had enough I don’t want to do this anymore I can’t

As I grabbed my paper from underneath my desk I stated to write

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

In my restless dreams,

I see that town.

Silent Hill.

You promised you'd take me

there again someday.

But you never did.

Well I'm alone there now...

In our 'special place'...

Waiting for you.

Waiting for you to

come to see me.

But you never do.

And so I wait, wrapped in my

cocoon of pain and loneliness.

I wish I could change

that, but I can't.

I feel so pathetic and ugly

laying here, waiting for you...

Every day I stare up at the cracks

in the ceiling and all I can think

about is how unfair it all is...

I think you know what I mean...

Even so, I'm glad to be coming

home. I've missed you terribly.

But I'm afraid Colby

I'm afraid you don't really

want me to come home.

Whenever you come see me,

I can tell how hard it is on you...

I don't know if you

hate me or pity me...

Or maybe I just disgust you...

I'm sorry about that.

That's why I understand

if you do hate me.

But I want you to

know this, Colby.

I'll always love you.

Even though our life together had

to end like this, I still wouldn't

trade it for the world. We had

some wonderful years together.

I know you never liked me but I have had a crush on you for years, no matter how you treated me I always admired you

Well this letter had gone on

too long so I'll say goodbye.

That means that as you read

this, I'm already dead.

-Y/N