#i created the perfect man
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I FEEL SO NORMAL AND NOT HOMOSEXUAL ABOUT WHAT IVE CREATED
this is officially my blue sniper
#māori sniper with mullet grind#i'm SO GAY FOR HIM#i created the perfect man#sniper fanart#sniper tf2#blue sniper#GAY GAY GAY GAY
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You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.
-Shrimp Anon
The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.
Get ready cause this is a yap session:
Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.
I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.
The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.
This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.
Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...
These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.
I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.
Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.
It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.
I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.
It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.
There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.
End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.
#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces#regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary#but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful#and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to#explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen#in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what#is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit#from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be “good” are altered until they follow line#in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue#that the discussion of it sounds like “in defense of men” when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t#upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do#something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those#two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example#or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the#fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically#violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out#in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game#but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of#rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se#how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is#concerned about with Jimmy#and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy#instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste#which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab#complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post#on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if#you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make#the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions
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#designs and sauce as always created engineered and perfected by tumblr user nicktoonsunite#tigerghost#nicktoons unite#🤖😬#i like to imagine that jenny and manny are friends outside of the ntu crew... shes happy for him#but like come on man. bro. also who let danny drive he drives SO slow#spongebob behind mannys seat looking out the window vibing and oblivious. king#theyre in mannys old beater (he doesnt use a car a lot cause he loves walking and also loves abusing his el tigre chainhands to spiderman)#jenny and manny is the 'pov youre just a little hater' 'and??🖕' meme
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priest!geto who falls so deeply in love with you that he assumes you were sent by god to test his faith. is this anything /taps mic
#pinterest anon this is all ur fault :(((((#i’m SURE this concept has been done before btw it’s 2 perfect for him …. silly little delusional man#hhhh i’m still figuring out how i want to portray him 😔😔😔#i think. he’s kind of a sleazeball#i think he feels fond of you and it’s so soft and good and normal that he thinks he’s fucking dying#”surely this is a test of will. a trial of faith.” no man it’s this funny thing called Having A Crush#he’s kind of silly but also intense……. kind of funny but then there’s that sense of rot#decay#etcetc#kirei kotomine lend me your strenght i will need it to do him justice………#priest!geto who wants to meet god so he can ask why someone like him was created#why he was born with a liar’s smile. why he was born with the ability to see curses#hmmmmmmmmm#ari noises ✩#priest!sugu <33
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My interests are directly aligning this is NOT a drill!!!
With the DC crossover announced and the images released, I figured that since most of the sonic cast are technically teens(??) it would be cool to see them as the teen heroes, too!! Here's Sonic as Impulse, Knuckles as Superboy, Amy as Wonder Girl, Tails as Robin, and Shadow as the blue Black Beetle!
Bonus shadow with black doom bc i loved how the doodle turned out :) he's essentially the stand-in for the scarab Khaji Da
I do love shadow as batman, but i figured blue beetle was a good fit, what with the alien stuff and his new doom powers in the upcoming game that give him wings and transformation abilities
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic fanart#sonic x dc#young justice#(which i'm going to tag bc i do in fact have all the members of the core 4 depicted)#dc comics#oh god. do i tag all the characters??#knuckles the echidna#amy rose#miles tails prower#shadow the hedgehog#WOW these were fun to draw. the sonic style is so fun!!!#i feel like this dc crossover was created specifically to cater to me#which is fabulous.#but man shadow was so hard to draw tho. i mean he's already hard to draw bc he's got all these shapes but then i had to add#all those stupid spider arms. and also his air shoes are surprisingly hard to get right???#whatever. i think it turned out sick#OH also i didn't include silver bc i think that green lantern is perfect for him and i couldn't improve the design#superboy#dc impulse#wonder girl#dc robin#just for good measure. i mean technically it is them#art#my art#weaverofink#should i turn these into stickers?? they look very sticker-able#or is this too niche. is this a combo only for me
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh
#trying to understand this part again and im just holding back my tears. ilovethemsomuch#mihael mcqueer keehl was trying to save homotron prime 3000#don't touch me im sensitive please everyone log off I need to be alone#there is no not gay explanation for this. this is why ohba is homophobic.#he accidentally created the perfect love story and reached his peak with homosexuals#stupid fragile cis straight man you are not better than Kishimoto
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i can't be bothered to edit this properly so here is a bad photo of my sketchbook <3 i didn't wanna draw a person today to give myself a 'break' so instead i spent an obscene amount of time drawing wels castle (ft hypno's fireworks hehe)
#hermitaday#i guess they're technically cub's fireworks just commissioned by hypno?#idk how i managed to spend like 4 hours on this... tbf a lot of that was not drawing it was staring off into the distance but#ngl i'm STRESSED about etho tomorrow because i know i will want it to be perfect but i am not a perfect man....#i'm getting frustrated at my own (lack of) skill for drawing people even tho i literally started learning this month lol#i need to focus on having fun w the process instead of putting pressure on myself to create something perfect#anyways...... why do i always chat so much shit in the tags#welsknight#welsknight fanart#traditional art#horsemeatluvr does hermitaday#horsemeat gallery#hermitcraft#i spent 8 hours in the library today i'm so. so eepy
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chara fell underground and was brought to “home” (the ruins) by asriel, and only then did monster kind leave home and move into the undergrounds other areas, the royal family moving into new home, which is implied to have been built after the core, since the core is built under it. the core was of course, built by WD Gaster, who was the royal scientist, and therefore worked closely with the royal family.
all of this to say that Gaster is implied to have known chara and asriel.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ
bonus:
#gaster#asriel undertale#chara undertale#sans#papyrus#chara probably thought gaster is a total weenie#and called him nerd constantly#gaster being the most oblivious grown man alive thought it was a compliment#THE HUMAN THINKS OF ME AS SMART ! HOW SWEET OF THEM TO TELL ME THAT ALL THE TIME EVERTIME THEY SEE ME :D#ok stop everything. imagine gaster being asriel and charas tutor#toriel appointing him to help them with the subjects she has less grip on#and gaster being gaster. deciding shit like 'THE BEST WAY TO LEARN ABOUT CHEMICAL REACTIONS IS BY CREATING THEM !'#so they just spent most lessons exploding shit in the forest#im really digging paint lately#i dont feel pressured to make things look perfect when drawing in it hsdhfsd
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lunch buddies
#big boys!!!!#surely I will not send my beloved character down a dark and stressful path that will either ruin him or create the perfect monster#WHAT WHO SAID THAT ERRRR#art#memphis yamamoto#old men#the simpsons#artists on tumblr#fiction#the simpsons fanart#fanart#fandom#oc and canon#simpsons oc#oc#oc art#my oc#my art#fat tony#transmasc#trans man#doodle#sketch#lazy art
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tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything
#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism.#sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art...#i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this.#but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again.#its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years.#im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again...#but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it.#anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human.#i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable#but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start#ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍
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Hi how are we, but humble theorists, supposed to factor in the rasp and razzamataz of Alastor’s “Take it, boys!” line from the pilot. How the fuck does that work.
#hazbin hotel#alastor hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel theory#seriously like we have overanalyzed his voice up and down and what have we got to say for ourselves#anyway I think we need Alastor to drop the accent buzz AND an octave and truly we will have created the perfect soldier#that man has Hoziers voice somewhere in there I stg
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No because in canon Steve and Jonathan's relationship is so funny. Like Steve spent all last season flirting with Jonathan's girlfriend but also wants to get lunch when Jonathan's back?!?
Meanwhile, Jonathan hasn't acknowledged Steve's existence outside of the "Russians?" incident in two years.
Next season they're going to blow something up and fall into the upside down maybe??
#Jonathan like “i hate to say it i home i don't sounds ridiculous i don't know who that man is”#and Steve is just like ok but if i buy lunch do you think he won't beat my ass again?#and you're thinking I'm exaggerating#but no#other than Russians Russians they haven't interacted since s2#fellas (gn) you ever create near perfect character foils and then forget to have them interact in each other's narrative for two seasons?#they should've put Jonathan in that stupid sailor suit#but here we are#jonathan byers#stranger things#steve harrington#st5 speculation#stonathan
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Society has fallen down ever since Shio stopped making an appearance in chapters.
#shio yotsurugi#my beloved daddy#tsk tsk tsk wakui#why would you create a perfect masterpiece of a character then toss it aside#idc if he'll show up later i need him to show up dramatically and cause a scene EVERY chapter along with complimentary familial chaos#he better show up next chapter or the next flight will stop at Wakui's house#even if in a flashback or a nightmare sequence or smth#and preferably all oiled up and flexing those arm tattoos#...mind your own business it's for personal reasons#but actually i need to see more and more of him i don't want him to only appear again in the final arc likely four years later#such a great potential of EYVIL rich man who does EEEYVAL deeds with a side if ANGST and DRAMA#OH I LOVE IT#but especially those yummy biceps and that buff physique and the very expensive outfits and how could forget the tentacles astro Mmmmm#purely suckable- fuckable- wreckable- LIKEABLE LIKEABLE I MEAN LIKEABLE-#FUUUUUCK#negai no astro#astro royale#daddy shio
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i'm not rly the type for mcyt stuff, but i think i finally managed to articulate why qsmp in particular just feels so incredibly special to me.
it's the way that the language proficiency of literally everyone involved is slowly evolving the longer they play together. the way that the english speaking players are making an effort to talk to one another in spanish and vice versa. when this thing started i remember hearing from multiple eng povs that they had to lean a lot on the google translate tab (and thats ok!), but something that really excites me is when i see those same eng ccs express how much they want to learn more about speaking spanish bc it's a way that thet can genuinely connect with their fellow players.
it's not even the fact that it's a minecraft smp; that just Happens to be the medium through which we get to watch this unfold. it's the first time, at least to my knowledge, that we're able to watch both the spanish and english-speaking communities bond over a game they love at a level as involved as this. both sides of the community are equally prominent, and more importantly, they're united in a way that i've never really observed in an online space until now. genuinely ive never seen anything like this before and its just really fascinating to see how all the players take on the challenge of building that bridge over something that once was a communication barrier for them. i love language i love cooperative gaming i love humans having fun learning new things from one another
#qsmp#sorry if this is incoherent its 2 am and im having feelings ab this series#as someone who spent their entire college career studying spanish and psychology and communications this smp is like the perfect storm#finally. a social experiment made specifically for me /J#the lore and the eggs and all that are just as entertaining ofc#but i think that the linguistic implications is what really got me invested. ygwim?#huge HUGE props to quackity for putting this smp together man. he really has created something so incredibly special#skip speaks
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that final scene in this ep of utsukushii kare. it feels like someone just ripped out my gut, slashed it open and trampled over the bloody remains. i want to sob. I want to out loud, fat tears, shaking my body sob. but all im stuck on is hira’s brokenly confused face, kiyoi on top of him grabbing onto his clothes and crying, an absolute tornado of emotion the likes of which he’s never shown, all to hira, all because of hira, and yet hira sits there and it’s like the storm covers him but he’s inside this impenetrable building and not a single drop of rain hits him. he knows it’s raining, he can hear it battering down on the roof, but it’s just rain. he doesn’t understand the full extent, doesn’t know the wind is ripping down trees and lightening is cracking the sky in two. and because he’s inside, he doesn’t need to know, doesn’t care to know, doesn’t want to know. hira will happily stay inside, in his bubble, in his constructed world, and he will be alone, and he will suffer, but that’s alright bc he’s not out there.
it’s like he’s gotten used to the internalized problems he faces, and they stick with him, almost a comfort to him now, in that he’ll see them when they’re not there. the external things that make him worried and anxious now, they’re less so, but hira still is that high school kid, getting picked on for his stutter, that faded into the background. he’s stuck there, and he’s never grown past it, and there’s almost a security in not growing, not changing, even if the thing you’re stuck as is worry and anxiety and invisibility and self doubt and constant internal doubt and criticism and lack of confidence. at least he’s used to it. at least there isn’t anything new to challenge him. and it shows, bc whenever he is challenged, in the sense that something that doesn’t fit he’s established world and role happens, he puts himself down and apologizes, like it’s a practiced, default reaction. that’s how he got through before, it’s how he learned to get through. but now, in the place he finds himself, in the situation and relationship he’s in, this is not a place for that reaction. the people he’s around, kiyoi, he doesn’t need hira to put himself down. he doesn’t need apologies. he wants understanding. and hira just resolutely refused that, said that he not only doesn’t understand hira, but that he doesn’t want to, and he’s not going to attempt to. and I don’t think he could have said anything more heartbreaking to kiyoi. all he has ever wanted was for someone to see him and understand him and love him for it. hira gives him love, unendingly and uncritically. he’s love is irrespective of anything kiyoi does or says or feels. it’s love of an idea, of a theory, of a concept in a pretty shell. it’s not love of the human inside, it can’t be, bc he just said he doesn’t want to understand that person, and without that there can’t be love. you can’t love something you can’t see or comprehend, that there’s a person kiyoi that isn’t the god kiyoi there is in his universe.
and the thing is, I think hira could’ve understood kiyoi, back when he saw a side of kiyoi that no one else did and still showed him love. I think down the line he could’ve gotten to know that person more and liked him, but the thing is, it’s different bc of kiyoi’s feelings. bc kiyoi’s feelings contradict so much what hira believes about himself that he can’t understand him. it’s easier to not know kiyoi that way and stick to his established universe, rather than understand kiyoi fully, bc in that he has to reevaluate everything, about himself and his place in the world and kiyoi’s place too. that is not an easy task. and it’s not that hira wouldn’t, I don’t think. I think there is a feasible future where hira recognizes that choice he can make and chooses kiyoi, chooses to challenge himself out of love for kiyoi and a want to understand him, and maybe even a want to understand and love himself. but bc he doesn’t recognize that as a choice he can make, he can’t do it. and I think that’s what hira needs to face, which I think is more than kiyoi and his feelings and care for hira can manage to accomplish. hira’s mental dissonance is gonna be a work in progress, it’s just a matter or him realizing it and getting to a point of actually working on it. the only thing is, in the meantime, can kiyoi be patient with hira, and the hurt he makes him feel? should he? bc when hira outright refuses to understand, when it feels that rigid and definite, when there’s no feasible future where he will understand, what’s the point? that’s the heartbreak. that hira is constantly worrying about forever, but he just denied a forever with kiyoi. and the problem is him, just not for the reasons he thinks he is. he needs to realize there is no forever with kiyoi the god, bc gods don’t last forever, they’re ephemeral, they’re fleeting. there can be a forever with kiyoi though, the man, the person, the human being, he just needs to step outside, into the storm, and let it soak him. bc when he gets to stand with kiyoi in the rain, he’ll see it’s worth it.
#im on my rant shit but oh my god what an ep#like seriously#if I were ever to get the bravery to make a video essay it’d be on utsukushii kare#and it’d be 7 hours long of me incoherently rambling sobbing screaming and foaming at the mouth#bc this show is just that good#like never before have I wanted to crawl inside a character like hira#and never before have I wanted to hold and cradle and love a character as bad as I do kiyoi#they are everything#and this#this is how you do s2 drama#this is how you take a couple that have gotten together and show that things are not perfect just bc they kiss#there is so much more to a relationship#and so much more depth for character investigation and growth and struggle when a relationship is established#that’s when the real work begins#when you take something just beginning a small flame and try to build it and and stoke it into something that can survive and last and burn#forever doesn’t just happen it is created#and hira needs to find a way to make it#utsukushii kare#utsukushii kare 2#my beautiful man#my beautiful man 2
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guys pls. PLEASE. hear me out on spider-man!gojo. PLS ???
#𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐒🎙️#so boom#i’m back on my marvel grind#and i’m watching the best spider-man movie ever created#(the one with andrew garfield)#and i think to myself#he’s so fucking dorky i want him#and you know who else is hella dorky ???#gojo and his obsession with digimon#they both get no bitches too#it’s a perfect match !!!#someone pls let me cook#anyone ???#ykw it’s 7am#maybe i should go to bed
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