#i couldnt find very good scene pics

[f0rtuned]

okay so, Homestuck isnt in your source list but if u can do it heres my request:

A moodboard for a Nepeta fictive who is a scene nyanbinary catgender Gir (Invader Zim) fictionkin who's fave game is FNaF 2 w Mangle being their fave character? Colors can be green and catgender flag colors! u dont have to include gir and mangle explicitly but those characters as themes would be pawesome!

Nepeta moodboard with scene-ish themes, whos nyanbinary and catgender with pink, purple, and blue for anon! (let me know if i used the wrong nyanbinary flag please!)

reblogs>>>likes

[descendantsramblings]

First of all, take your time with the storys (god i love your writing style, its not rushed and not too cheesy or out of character) And cause my Brain is a full on simp for Morgie and the Boy is just a little good one that wants to fit in, i have another idea

Maybe a story based on the Deleted scene pics of Him sleeping(?) alone in the Hideout from the lagoon in this chair(?) and of him finding the book

-

in the whole thing morgie and reader have this Tension like always and are pretty close (they are in love but both dont know how to make the first step and they know it wouldnt really be good news for uliana which scares morgie off)

Male!reader is another villain kid that is also in Ulianas crew but mostly in the background, he didnt go to the office to steal the cookbook nor did he look out for merlin with morgie (maybe reader is even secretly slightly friends with bridget who knows)

Morgie went to find the cookbook in chloe's and red's room after finding out what happend to uliana and the crew, he hesitates to open it and goes back to the Hideout in the lagoon where he starts to panick a little cause his friends are frozen, he is all alone and it all depends on him now.

On one side he wants to impress uliana and the others and be a good villain like his Mom (cause he has a reputation to hold up and he has mommy issues lmao) but on the other hand he doesnt think that Bridget deserves it and he doesnt wants to really be like his mom, morgie also opens the book which also proves that he is good in his heart

Reader comes into the hideout to see morgie having a complete life crisis and he tries to comfort him, Reader wants Morgie to leave the villain group cause he just isnt a villain and a good soul at heart but Morgie thinks that this will just cause more problems so he sticks with this life now (god bless him)

Morgie ends up not doing the prank and telling Uliana later after she is unfrozen that he just didnt find the cookbook and he couldnt pull through with the pranks and that he and Reader couldnt think of anything just as cruel for Bridget before castlecoming but they totally did still try to.make bridgets day bad (they didnt xD)

You’re so sweet, thank you so much. I really do try, end up reading it like 4 times before I post it and find something I wish I changed a day later. And I love the concept of a secretly good VK being with Morgie (who is also secretly good idc what Disney has to say on the matter)!! I’m so excited about this one

True to Heart

Morgie le Fay X Reader

Pronouns used: He/him/his

Summary: When faced with something that knows the truest part of your heart, it’s bound to see right through you.

Warnings: Uliana sucks, they're very touchy but really this is just fluff with some panicking. Death mention but it’s sorta playful

Word count: 2K

   It had been hours since he heard from Uliana. Surely the sea witch should have come by his room by now , yelling at him about how he needed to be ready for their plan. Convinced he’d do it at the drop of a hat to be part of her main circle. She was a fool of course, that he believed with his whole heart, she was ridiculous to believe he’d hurt Bridget. It would be like asking him to hurt Hades. They weren’t close but he had an obvious care for them, that was easy to see. Uliana was an idiot to believe he would even consider letting go of that part of himself. There were few parts of his morals he could actually hold in the position he’d put himself in. He’d be keeping one, (Y/n) was not the type of guy to betray anyone. Despite that though, he was on his way to go find the dreadful girl and her friends, skipping across the rocks of the black lagoon. Regardless of who he wanted to be, villainy ran in his blood, he had no other options but to be on their beck and call. Well, he assumes he did have one other option, but the idea of being alone by choice wasn’t exactly one that made his chest all warm and fuzzy. And to leave certain people in the crew would kill him. 

    “Oh what did I do?” The familiar voice panicked, speaking to himself as he paced the length of the hide out. “Why did I take that? What do I do with it? Why did I?” Morgie is speaking faster than he can make sense, repeatedly looking over at some old book settled on the table. (Y/n) slinks in, carefully making his way up to the boy. Not that he noticed the presence of his, well he can’t actually tell you what Morgie considers him. Arms outstretched, grabbing his biceps from behind, “Morgz, where are your friends? I thought Ulilana would’ve come by to snatch me up by now.” Hazel eyes are panicked and wild, turning and staring into the most comforting face he’s ever seen. “I-” he takes a deep breath, stepping closer for his friend to hold him closer, “I failed at being a good watch and now they’re all frozen and I don’t know what to do because it’s my fault and I don’t want to do this alone.” 

    His right hand slides up Morgie’s arm, resting on his shoulder as his left hand cups his cheek. “Morgie, I will never let you be alone. Now, tell me what we’re doing.” He watches Morgie’s eyes close, rubbing the boy’s cheek with his thumb lovingly. “I can’t ask that of you,” he breathes forcing his eyes open as he pulls away from the boy’s hand, “If pranking Bridget falls on me it has to fall on just me. I know you like her and I couldn’t make you do something like that. It would ruin your chances.” (Y/n) laughs, tapping Morgie’s cheek with his hand and letting go to look at the book on the table, “Morgz, Bridget is a lovely friend but I do not like her. Not like that. Now,” he drags a finger over the cover of the old book, “Is this the book that Uliana wanted?” He pauses, turning around. His back straightens in shock, realizing just how close Morgie had gotten, he could feel the sorcerer’s breath on his face. He was really close, far too close. 

    “Did you say Uliana was frozen?” “They all are,” he steps back ever so slightly, as if he realized how close he’d gotten all of a sudden, “I heard those two girls talking about it. They said there was a spell on the book that keeps people with evil in their heart from being able to use it. Something like that and they opened it and now,” he shakes his head. “Now they’re all frozen,” (Y/n) bites his hand to hold back a laugh, “They didn’t research the book before they went to get it?” He turns back to the book, “So what are you planning to do with it?” Morgie’s hands settle on either side of him, chest pinned to the boy’s back with his breath fanning over (Y/n)’s exposed neck.  

    “I mean, I need to do the prank don’t I? Uliana is going to be fuming if I don’t and it would make my mom happy. Or at least I hope it would. So I need to do the prank, right?” He bites his lips, eyes fluttering closed as he relishes in the closeness. They’d never act like this in the hideout if Uliana had the chance to see them. she had her qualms when it came to them both -one more than the other- no reason to make it worse. “So, you want to prank an innocent girl so that two women who can’t even see you would be proud of you?” He shakes his head, “It’s not that I want to prank her. I just, I need someone to be proud of me. You can understand that, can’t you?” “Morgz,” he shakes his head, turning around and putting them nearly nose to nose. He can hear someone take in a sharp breath, Morgie seeming to hold the gasp in as he stares at his friend. He was almost sure the sound had been him. “You do not need to make Uliana and your mother happy all the time. What would make you happy?” He shakes his head, the motion making their noses brush up against each other. “You know it’s not that simple.” 

    “Okay, then open your magic little book, serpent boy.” He lets out a sound that (Y/n) thinks is supposed to be a laugh. “I can’t, villains can’t open the book. That’s literally how we got in this situation.” He nods, grabbing Morgie’s face in a way that would make most people raise their brows. The display was a touch two cozy for the two boys to just be friends. “Open the book. If you freeze then I will unfreeze you and help with the prank.” He raises a brow, eyes drinking in his best friend’s face, “And if I don’t?” “How about we focus on if you do first, huh?” Morgie lets go of him, stepping to the side so he can look at the book. “What if,” he takes a breath, looking over at his friend’s gentle face, “What if you can’t turn me back?” His hand reaches out, smoothing a strand of Morgie’s hair into place, “Well, then I will fight tooth and nail until I can. I can’t be without you.” He picks up the book with slow shaking hands, eyes flickering back over to the other boy. “I really think you should open this. I mean, we know that you could open it and be just fine. You’re so,” he looks the boy over, licking his lips, “You.” 

    “Morgz, open the book. I promise you, we’ll be okay.” Morgie takes a deep breath, bracing himself for the worst as the cover of the book gives way to his hand. Sliding open without so much as a shine of a spell coming off of it. His eyes flicker open, slowly looking over the page before looking up to his friend. “I didn’t freeze.” A smile comes across his face, walking over to Morgie’s shell chair and falling into it. “You knew that,” he turns to watch as he speaks. “You knew I would be okay.” (Y/n) looks up at him from his seat, smiling at Morgie, “Of course I did, I know you. You might be a le Fay but you’re also,” he pauses, shaking his head, “You’re you. There’s no need to be Morgie le Fay right now. You can just be, Morgie.” 

    He shakes his head, walking over to his friend and falling to sit between his legs, “I can just be Morgz.”  Without so much as a second of hesitation (Y/n) wraps his arms around Morgie’s waist, lightly pulling him back to lay down on top of him. There’s no hesitation on the other boy’s end either, the sorcerer melting into his arms, his head lulling back to rest on his friend’s shoulder. The two boys become a tangle, the tip of his nose brushing against (Y/n)’s cheek bone as he gets wrapped into his arms. A grossly adoring and gentle display that the other boys of the group would never give into. Words can’t explain how happy he is for the curse on that stupid book. “What am I supposed to do now? I mean, if I’m not evil what am I doing with the villains?” (Y/n)’s hand comes up to scratch at the boy’s scalp as he speaks, Morgie letting out a whine at the contact.

    “That’s a great question, what are you doing with the villains? You and I both know that you deserve better than this.” Each of the other boy’s words fan across his cheek and lips as he speaks, the air of it tickling his cheek,  “You know why.” He was so close, how had he let himself pull the other boy so close? His mind was in overdrive, doing everything he could to think about something, anything, other than the closeness. “You know you don’t have to be her mini me, right? You don’t have to be here just because of her.” He scoffs, nuzzling further against (Y/n)’s cheek, “Why are you with us then? Everyone knows you’re nothing like your dad.” A hum follows the words, stroking the boy’s hair instead of responding. “I mean realistically, Hades and I are the only ones you hang out with one on one. And I think everyone knows you’re not a fan of Maleficent. But you’re still lumped in with us. What’s the point of it?” “You,” he has his eyes closed as he says it, bracing for whatever the response would be. 

      Morgie stills, (Y/n) honestly hadn’t noticed he was still nuzzling against him until he stopped it. Grip loosening so the boy could get up and leave him. But he doesn’t, he can feel Morgie’s eyes burning into the side of his face. “Look at me.” “What?” “Look at me,” he grabs the boy’ chin, tilting him over to look at him, “Open your eyes.” “I’m okay actually.” “Please,” he whines it, cupping the boy’s face. And they both know there’s no way (Y/n) ignores that tone in his voice. Eyes slowly opening. “You’re stuck here because of me?” “I want to be stuck with you.” 

  Morgie sits up, looking over at the book with a sigh, “How are we supposed to get that thing back into Merlin’s office?” (Y/n) shoots up, looking at the boy with bewilderment in his eyes, “What?” Morgie lets out the shell of a laugh, turning to him, “Well, if you’re stuck with them because of me, then while they’re frozen, we can do things your way.” He looks at the sorcerer with the softest eyes, lip caught between his teeth in hopes of stopping the grin that begged to stretch across his face. “You’re not gonna prank her?” He turns, pointing at the other boy, “We’re not. We are however going to have to work together to figure out how to lie to Uliana though. Because we are so, so dead if we don’t figure this out.” “Morgie le Fay! I am so proud of you!” He laughs, pulling him into his lips. It’s soft, short, barely even a kiss but he relished in it all the same. Morgie was kissing him, he got to kiss him. Whatever was set to happen to them didn’t matter, he could roll with the punches. For a while, at least for the next day, the two not-so-villainous Villain kids could live true to their hearts. That could be enough, for now it would be enough.

“So uh,” (Y/n) pulls back nervously, wiping his bottom lip with his thumb, “Since we already have the tickets to castle coming do you want to“ “Please.”

[thewanderingace]

Olay I finally watched Outlander 7x07 and oh my God it was so good!!!! This whole season has been so good!

MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BOTH 7X07 AS WELL AS FUTURE PLOTLINES CAUSE I REFERENCE BOOKS PLOTS THAT THE SHOW HASN'T DONE YET!

I think it's kinda funny but the same thing is happening to me with the show as it did with the books in which I am much more into Bree and Roger's story than I am Jamie and Claire. Not that I don't love them cause I do and I do very much enjoy their plots but it's not exactly new. Another war, another goodbye, more lovely lovely yeah seen that already. But Bree and Roger's plots are so interesting and I still find myself so intrigued by their show story line as much as I was by the book plot.

I'm thrilled to finally see more positivity around Roger this season. Any time I go on Twitter or Instagram, even Facebook, I'm finally seeing people be kind to Roger. And I am LOVING IT! Finally! I've been so alone in the loving Roger corner of Outlander. If be so happy if this season finally brought some others over.

But okay so this episode. I'm just gonna spe some random thoughts

More Roger in a kilt! Woohoo!!! So handsome. I love it.

It drives me crazy that the show opted to not include Roger's struggle with his voice or even a scar on his throat since it plagues him forever. But I guess I get it cause this way Richard doesnt have to be hoarse forever and I got to hear him sing again so....I guess I can't be too mad lol.

The new actor for Buck is so good. I really enjoyed every scene he was in and how Roger and Bree and the kids all reacted to him showing up. I love that they had a conversation about Buck and Roger being family. I looove that Roger got to punch the crap out of him for both scaring his kids but also for TRYING TO KILL HIM!! I wish Roger's ptsd was shown a little more though. Lile, the hanging severely affected him and the show continues to gloss over it. Like, one conversation and Roger's forgiven him and calling him cousin Buck? Come on. Stupid episode constraints.

Every time Rob was on screen I got so angry lol. Just knowing what he's up to and what he is gonna do. Argh I hate him. When he started to talking to Jem I internally screamed "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!" This meme was all I could think of to properly express myself.

Anyway fuck Rob Cameron.

Just a little thing but all the family moments with Bree, Roger, Jem and Mandy were perfect and I love them so much. So much.

The Bree Roger steamy scene!!! What!! Okay at first I laughed cause of the song choice but I love that song unironically and I love Bree and Roger so I ended up thinking that scene was super nice.

Bree and Roger belong in the 1980s. They belong in modern times and I fucking hate that they go back to the 18th century and stay there. I hate it. I mean I love Roger going back to find Jemmy and the angst of the whole ending of the episode was so raw and good and I loved it. But it reminded me that they all go back and eeeeennhggh I hate it. So much. I want Bree to be with her parents again but she and Roger don't belong in that time. Not like Claire does. They both are much more suited for the 1980s and are amd can be so much happier then. Roger and teach and be a historian and take care of the house. Bree cam be a boss and an engineer. They have cars and electricity and modern medicine and ARGJ they just belong in that time!

Okay let me talk about Claire, Jaime and William bow cause I also have thoughts. Mostly about William. I got a lot of William thoughts because Charles Vandervaart KILLED IT!

Omg casting Charles was such a good choice! I know Charles from Murdoch Mysteries where he played John Brackenreid and I always loved when he was in an episode. I didn't even know he got cast as William until like a week before the premiere amd I saw an image of him comparing him to a pic of Jamie. First of all, holy shot they look so alike it's scary. Secondly he is such a good actor! I couldnt wait to see how he'd play William!

And in this episode he really shined! From the eager to prove himself young inexperienced officer to the first time he truly sees the horrors of the battlefield. I love how the show continues to give William opportunities to show the audience how kind hearted and honorable he is. Like giving his friend and his horse the apple. Helping the soldiers to dig the mass grave, literally getting into the trenches himself, so that his fellow soldiers, including his friend, will have a proper burial. I love it.

[rjshepherd]

Re8 spoilers (kinda) character talk

these arent REALLY spoilers. they dont give away any story, its mostly just some fleshing out of the characters and some quirky things i noticed about notes and gameplay

ill put it under a read more just incase

Heisenberg is funny as fuck he had me snort laughing at least 5 times in like 2 minutes of screen time.

Karl seems to be the youngest of the lords. Alcina refers to him as a child twice.

He tips his hat as thanks which is just cute af.

Karl also seems to have some anger issues, i believe his powers are tied to his emotions or are at least compounded by them.

He seems to be on good terms with Donna as he refers to her by name whereas he calls sal "moreau"

He doesnt seem to respect titles, he refers to Mother Miranda as just "miranda" right in front of her. he also only calls Ethan, ethan rather than Mr Winters.

the daughters have weight to them despite being files. you can hear their boots on tile as they land and reform. this could be useful for tracking them while you play.

im not sure which girl it is, possibly cassandra, but she seems to suffer from physical ticks. She moves constantly, twitchy hands and shifting facial expressions while standing beside Alcina. i just thought that was intresting.

At the start of the castle section, the daughters are flirtatious and a little sexual towards ethan.Daniela seems to mimic Alcina in her movements, doing twists and making sure ethan is watching. Bela does a little childish wave and cassandra has a deep sniff of ethans blood followed the little tissue wave which again is cute as shit.

Alcina seems to have some alcoholic tendencies. she has wine or some sort of drink in her hand in quite a few of her cutscenes. not to mention her diary entry which explicitly says "i need a drink"

the floor sounds in this game are fuckin sending me. you know that scene in the shining where danny torrence is riding his big trike over different floors? that's what this reminded me of .

i feel like i have to tell people that the girls are invincible until exposed to their weakness. don't bother fighting them. if you need space, a shotgun blast when they solidify will buy you time.

their voices and personalities change when you make them vulnerable . its sort of cool but also sad?

Bela def takes after her mother the most. she uses some of alcinas lines on occasion including the "stupid man thing." line

all of the daughters SEEM to have different ways of moving while in fly mode. their ai is mostly the same but i noticed Bela moves directly while Daniela moves like a jelly fish, sort of in pulses and waves. Couldnt find solid pics of cas moving to see how she goes.

without wanting to spoil, i think one of the puzzles in the castle is actually statues of the lords past or at least how the current lords used to be. (also soft confirmation of alcina being queer coded)

(also also very soft confirmation that karl has a soft spot for donna.)

alcina has BIG mommy issues. and not just because she is a big mommy.

i am 1000% certain George trevor helped design this castle but i cant see any confirmation of that. trust me when you play it yourself, you'll know exactly what i fuckin mean.

Even alcina pronounces her last name different and yes thAT IS AS ANNOYING AS IT SOUNDS.

the video i was watching went to private again so im gunna keep looking to find more vids and info.

[arlakos]

Miracle Queen, and the list of screw ups you probably not caught on to the first time you watched.

(Warning! Long Post for all you tumblr mobile users!)

I’m gonna keep it brief

I hate Miracle Queen. I do not like it. I think the way they got rid of Fu was bad, i hate the fact that Marinette basically became the guardian with zero training, I hate they way that they made Chloe full on villain again and i just dont like the episode.

Despite that, others like it, they think it was fine Marinette was made a Guardian. Some people think it was great that Chloe ‘showed her true colors’ as a villain, while others think it was just great, and that theres nothing wrong with the episode.

Well, i mean, yeah i get it, we all have different opinions and we all hate bad things. I like grape flavoured liquorice, its unpopular as heck but i couldnt get enough of it, at least until they discontinued it in Australia :(

But to say the finale has no issues? I mean, even if you don’t count my main 3 problems as problems with the finale, saying that the ending was perfect is... well...

(Disclaimer, i dont like trump, i just thought this was the right pic for this post)

But instead of just SAYING why I think it’s wrong, I’m going to list stuff as to WHY Miracle Queen is wrong-ly written and has a lot of screw ups.

And just to show you just how non-biased for this post, I’m going to take the hard route and NOT talk about any stuff related to my 3 biggest issues with the finale. 

That means to talk about why Chloe being bad is wrong, No stuff related to Fu’s choice to make Marinette the Guardian, and no stuff related to why Marinette being the Guardian is wrong or why the box being magical is wrong. Just facts about all the other stuff in the show that justs shows how badly written the episode was. 

(Also, hooray for my first liveblog!)

With that out of the way, lets get started.

(Expect a lot of salt and a lot of anger)

THE ISSUES

Luka could have just took Marinette and ran with her. Following that they could have jumped down into the Seine.

Likewise, Kagami could have just tacked her and Adrien both of the edge and into the water.

(I get that both of these could be interpreted as them caring for Marinette/Adrien, but i still should point out how stupid it is given the fact the wasps were quite far mile away before they got close.)

Now going to where Miracle Queen is, Fu is just sitting there in the dome.

First of all, why is he in the dome and not trying to fight back?

Second of all they were in a Park in the first episode, now they are on the roof of a building. Did Fu run there while the shield was active or did Mayura and Hawkmoth play football with the shield all the way to the roof of the building? Does Gabriel play football? Golf?

Why does Fu make such a big deal of protecting the barrier? He could just make another one if the first one breaks. I get this could just be due to Miracle Queen and her wasps now possesing others, but considering Fu was in the dome before this happened, its still just confusing.

Ok, now this is debatable, but why doesn’t Ladybug (or Dragonbug) just use the water from the river to wash away the villains? I’m assuming the dragon Miraculous gives her to manipulate water, so why can’t she?

Ok, Now the reason for Fu to maintain the dome makes sense. At least now it does. Hawkmoth probably planned to find their identities using Fu, but even then... I don’t think he was going to use the wasps before he akumatized miracle queen, so what was he gonna do, shove a butterfly into the face of a dude who does meditation for a living?

Skipping over the fight scene because for the most part its ok, Miracle Queen is defeated and her akuma purified, the wasps are gone, its ok for now.

Now back to more issues!

Why did they un-unify?! THE BATTLE IS STILL GOING ON. HAWKMOTH AND MAYURA ARE ACTIVE! MASTER FU IS STILL IN DANGER! THERE’S NO REASON TO UN-UNIFY YET! Well, at least maybe(?) for Chat Noir because he used his powers, but Dragonbug doesn’t have an excuse. The dragon Miraculous doesn’t run out of power until all 3 powers have been used!

Speaking of Fu, the wasps are gone! Just drop the shield and go to where Ladybug is. It’s not like he can akumatise you when your still positive!

“Checkmate Ladybug!”? SERIOSULY? Fu still has powers and is trained to keep his emotions calm?! What your gonna do, shove a butterfly into his mouth, like he’s a baby? The wasps are gone! You have no leverage and Ladybug and Chat Noir are still there to kick your ass. Mayura is half weak right now! You’re the only one in a bad spot right now, sentimonster aside, its just that the heroes are acting dumb as shit right now!

WHY ARE LADYBUG AND CAT NOIR JUST STANDING THERE NOT DOING ANYTHING?! JUST JUMP TO THE ROOF AND FIGHT HAWKMOTH! SMACK A YOYO/BATON IN HIS FACE! OR BETTER YET, DON’T UNFUSE AS DRAGON BUG AND JUST ZAP THE BASTARD AND HIS SENTIMONSTER WITH LIGHTNING DRAGON.

ok... the lucky charm seems to have no use? SO?! JUST JUMP UP AND ATTACK HIM! ITS NOT LIKE YOUR FIGHT IS TOTALLY DEPENDENT ON THAT THING. JUST PUNCH HIM, HE ISNT AN AKUMA YOU HAVE TO DE-EVILISE OR OUTSMART.

So the box changed ownership and Marinette is now the Guardian. Why is Hawkmoth running away? He has no time limit and the heroes are down to their last minutes. Why is he leaving for no reason when he can just win now?

If your gonna run away Hawkmoth, at least take the box with you. It’s not like you can’t take the miraculouses out of the box and use them for your own selfish reasons. Just take the box and Chloe and go.

And with that, i have officially listed all the issues with Miracle Queen that isn’t just issues I have already covered. Even if i sound a little salty and mad, you should at the very least be able to see, or understand, why I think the episode was so poorly written.

Pushing the shipping wars and romance scene aside, which aren’t relevant to this topic, this episode had so many plot holes that I couldn’t even give the episode a pass. It’s not a good episode, or even an episode that had both good or bad moments, it was just ...bad.

Actually, the fight scene was ok and I liked DragonBug and Snake Noir, but that was the only good scene in that episode and the cons outweight the pros by a METRIC FUCK-TON.

So all in all, I think the episode sucked, and think that it should have been replaced with something else entirely, or rewritten to at the very least be logical, even if i hate the whole ‘chloe being evil’ and ‘Marinette being the guardian’ thing. Astruc sucks and so does his writing, I miss Zag. The END

Thanks for coming to my Miraculous TED talk

[whence-the-woody]

Finale commentary under the cut

So I wanted to kind of liveblog as I was watching but held back so these are my remembered reactions/second watch reactions

Bummed there was no song recap but quickly figured itd play at the end

PUPPY. Best part of the ep, lbr, Dean was so cute with him

Theyre really doing a cheesey life montage huh - still not clear whether monsters are a thing in this new world?

I was watching the mins tick by during this first montage like OKAY we get it, cheesey happy home life, move along. There was only 40 mins left of the whole show like get on with it, it went way too long 

We definately needed to restablished that Sam is neat while Dean is messy. Totally necessary to spend time on that. Also didnt Dean get houseproud when they moved into the bunker?? What happened to that?

OMG get on with it

Then becomes apparent that hunting is still a thing. Which if so what was the point of showing then doing fucking laundry and dishes while “Ordinary life” plays - if its not just an ordinary life?

At this point i thought it might go the route of them being listless without hunting as a job but then murder scene so I guess not

This whole pie sequence is stupid and a waste of time, we all know it

Dean being a cold, heartless bitch about everyone being dead. Aces. Not unexpected but still just great. How dare you be so happy about pie fuck you dude. 

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER EILEEN

Pie is the face is not funny my dudes come the fuck on

I started skipping through during the murder scene. I was bored. Like, I dont care about tension building to the murder of a family we dont fucking know. Ive always skipped these scenes, what is the damn point. Its not scary or interesting. 

GET ON WITH IT

Same old FBI bullshit. Nice to see the journal again I guess. But like, this is STILL what we’re doing? In the very last ep? Same old, different day, just like 15 years ago. Really?

Singer and Kripke. Subtle. 

I skipped through the interrogation too. I dont find the scary brother act cool or entertaining 

15 mins in and nothing has happened

Theyre trying so hard to give Dean jokes and nothing is landing, its so cringe just stop

The way the little clown faces pop up - if that supposed to be scary? Really? Its all just so silly rn

Watching it again I realise just how easy this hunt is. The answer is in the journal. They find the exact family. They find the exact barn. The kids are just stood in a cupboard. This is what takes Dean out, really? Its not even a normal hunt, its a way too fucking easy one. 

I do not remember this chick or what ep she was in, maybe theres some parallell or foreshadowing by bringing her back but if there is I dont get it

Bottom line if youre gonna bring people back WHY THE FUCK THIS RANDOM GIRL

I knew so fast he was gonna go out like that. Hanging from a fucking nail

I kept saying out loud not like this, no way, this is so stupid, its so stupid omg

I paused and tried to talk myself into putting aside how stupid and awkward it was for him to be doing this scene hanging off a pole and just try to invest in the emotion of the speech. Which I achieved at times

but why was is so awkward tho?? Just the way hes stood pressed against it is fucking weird. Also 1000% Sam couldve gotten help and he wouldve been FINE. It took so long for them to talk, an ambulance couldve been there before they were done, there was no need for this

Okay the speech did make me cry once I pep talked myself into being invested. The reference to being scared Sam would reject him, the I love you so much, Sam saying dont leave me, the stay with me and tell me its okay - all those moments got me and I did cry. I appreciated the family business line. I liked Jensen telling Jared he always keeps fighting, that was a nice reference. 

BUT there were also those moments that made me scoff, roll my eyes or laugh. The whole ��always you and me” bullshit especially. The second I knew he was going to say I’ll be in your heart I yelled at them to no do it, I hate that cheesey move, then literally was like “oh my god, he did it”. It WAS NOT always going to end like this - so much of the last 15 years was proving him wrong about that. This is all just so wrong, it is not good. 

Jensen and Jared did a good job with what they were given in this scene but my god

The audacity of the Cas erasure- always you and me. FUCK YOU. 

I laughed out loud when his last shot was a One Perfect Tear. I was literally like “Oh wow they did that”

DEAN DESERVED A BETTER DEATH

It also kinda loses all impact when you see him like 2 mins later

MIRACLE IS THE REAL MVP ILY

Theyre really doing another montage. Really. Like we get it, hes sad, we didnt need the toast to understand that

Omg Miracle by his side. The best of bois. 

Looking around his room like beer and guns was all dean was. Sure. Aces. 

I choose to believe Bon Jovi was a ref to before Dean went to hell

If Donna is back why isnt anyone else?!?

Oh Jared you look so old bby. Go home. He looks older there then later in the ridiculous make up

Why is that shot made to look like hes leaving the bunker forever?? Like that makes no sense

Bobby greeting him is nice and all BUT IT SHOULDVE BEEN CAS

Also they are 1000% doing the show don’t tell by having Bobby just sit and explain everything. SO FUCKING LAZY

Cas has been out of the empty, helping rebuild heaven. Okay, fine. Even Dean’s reaction to hearing that was fine. BUT YOU ASK WHERE YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIEND IS AND GO SEE HIM. WHO IS THIS VERSION OF DEAN WTF

I know people are upset Cas is back working in heaven but I dont think its anything like before. It sounds like he helped fixed things then got his own heaven. Also he’s God’s Dad, hes not serving God, hes teaching him. I know human Cas done right is what we wanted but I dont hate this for him. BUT WE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN IT. 

Why is a memory of being a kid with his Dad what Dean is reminiscing on. They have literally reverted him back to s1. There are so many memories dean should be thinking about in fucking heaven

Hes going for a drive

Hes going for a motherfucking drive

In the car he was just in

WHY THE FUCK IS HE ACTING LIKE HE HASNT SEEN BABY IN YEARS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

Hes going to drive around doing nothing until Sam gets there are you fucking kidding me. Not going to see any of his family from the last 15 years, just driving. Absolute horseshit. 

This is the moment where you realise that this episode has changed NOTHING. This is the same ending as the last ep except theyre in heaven not on earth

ITS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING

Okay so they skip over how Sam went from going on a hunt to walking with a toddler. OMG how unsubtle that they have literally just labelled the child Dean in big yellow letters. I couldnt help but laugh, how fucking stupid. 

I did get a bit teary when the music started I’ll be honest. But mostly through the whole montage (ANOTHER ONE) I was saying to myself This is so fucking stupid. omg this is dumb, what the fuck is this, so stupid.

They literally did a montage so long they had to play the song twice. Im just done at this point wow. 

The old man make up is so bad I just laughed. The only pictures being of the 4 of them, reinforcing the Winchester only bullshit, great. Not even pics of this new random family Sam’s got. The painfully cliche Dad moments for Sam, again so bad its funny. Omg the hand on the head of this random kid, this is so ridiculous. Old man sam in his bad wig trying so hard to move like hes old and crying in the impala. Wtf is happening, this is SO STUPID 

I thought theyd cast a more attractive son I’ll be honest. So he has the tattoo - are they a hunting family? Because that would go against both s1 Sam they’ve tried to go back to and the s15 Sam they build up to for all those years

I know they were going for an emotional parallel with that “you can go now” but this random man saying it to Sam in that make up, with the music cue lined up right there - its just funny coz its so dumb im sorry

I cant believe they actually played another different version, I’ll never get over that

Theres alot of things I’ll never get over

Is this bridge supposed to mean something? They shouldve picked a setting that meant something

I know theyre trying so hard to make Dean look happy and peaceful to convince us its a good ending but sis no

I laughed out loud when Dean turned around - WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT SAM?

Really, they have nothing to say? No questions, no convo? They just have cheesey smiles and look over the water? This is so wrapped up in a fucking bow trying to force us to feel good my god

The cut almost immediately to them talking to the camera, still in character getup, was so cringe I yelled and turned it off

And they pan out to literally none of the people we want to see . Great, Good. 

LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE POINT 

[honeyfreckled]

we have talked a few times and im sorry for this but you are the most accepting and easiest person to talk to honestly i dont have many people in my life i can tell anything real to. but the thing is ive been thinging about relapsing a lot more since i broke up with my boyfriend and i work with him so it makes work depressing and impossible to get through a day without crying sorry this is anon but i am scared ily dont hate me i am not trying to stress you out

ok wow first lemme just say: I DO NOT HATE U. EVER. 

and don’t be srry i don’t have a lotta ppl irl i can tell my shit to so i get it. pls know u can always ALWAYS ALWAYS come to me, and u dont gotta be scared to come off anon. i get it and it’s ok if u prefer it that way- but pls know i dont keep it on alot bc i get hate and then i turn it off bc i gotta look out for myself and dont post all the hate bc i dont wanna bring yall down or give them the satisfaction of knowing i have given it a read and response. so u can message me or make a sideblog or idk im just saying this so if it’s off later u dont blame yrself or feel scared to come off anon. ok sorelapse is a real thing and it’s fucked and hard and addiction is fucked up and a real life struggle and we dont treat addicts w the real tenderness, respect, kindness, and acceptance they deserve. but u DO deserve it. and there are hotlines, apps, churches, groups, chatrooms/boards, and sites that are more versed in what are the appropriate things to say to u- i say this bc while i’ve been thru it w loved ones i have not myself struggled w addiction w substances. my addictions were to self harm and victimhood so those are the things i searched for help on. but if it’s alright i’d like to give u some tips or things i used and have heard work for addicts of substances

places like i said like churches, groups, chatrooms, sites, apps, hotlines the apps and hotlines are good if u cant travel or want to talk to ppl who wont share their story bc maybe u cant hear it like its not the kinda help ur looking for. hotlines are sometimes tricky bc some of those folks are not educated they are volunteers so judgment leaks thru and in that case u ask to be redirected and report that volunteer so hopefully they dont repeat that kinda mess to other vulnerable folks looking for help

make a list of things, anything. list of foods u like to order, list of things that make u clench yr teeth, what were yr fave gifts you’ve ever got, style icons of urs, hobbies u tried that annoyed u, movies u can always watch, places on yr skin u hate being touched, any list of anything it doesnt have to be the usual thing of “what to live for” bc when yr depressed those kinds of things arent easy to think of. but if u get a list going of like “best things ive ever touched” “sounds that make me laugh” “trends that were stupid af” “popular things that i didnt like n couldnt figure out why they were popular” “weirdest ppl ive met” well those things might get u on a roll of good memories or laughing or seeing that theres more to yr life than what has been occupying yr thoughts

dancing. dance in yr room in the dark. clear some space. put on some headphones. lock yr door. do it in the shower. just dance. i had to start w closing my eyes and picking songs that i was taken by emotionally. songs that made me jump and slamdance tbh and then it’s just gotten more and more something im not as ashamed w. i spent a date night w james just dancing and then we ya know ya know bc the dancing got so wild. now i make playlists of songs that set moods for diff kinds of dancing

watch shows w ppl who arent doing better than u. they dont live in fancy places, they dont do much w their lives, they dont dress better than u, they struggle, they arent eating good food u dont have access to. iasip. freaks and geeks. letterkenny. undeclared. jake and amir. tpb. the state. youtube. tiktok/vine comps. lots of these kinds of vibes on youtube

podcasts. improv comedy podcasts tbh saved my life. comedy bang! bang! has best of’s those are good ones to start w. improv4humans bc matt besser has great guests of some of the best improvisers out there and he has musical guests and they’ll play a song and the improvisers will use it as inspo for a scene

make things. moodboards. pinterest. playlists. fill a shopping cart and tell yrself “i’ll get it when i win the lotto and move away from anyone who knows me so i can be the me i wanna be w/out judgement” make tea. make a meal if u can. make yr bed. clean one thing. clean the sink. hang some clothes or go thru yr drawers and clean them out. throwing things out feels hard at first but then it’s nice bc u feel less bogged down

find something to throw yr obsession at for a bit. something that wont hurt u as bad, being obsessed in general isnt good. everything in moderation irl. too much of something is bad just as much as too less of it can be bad. but yr looking for something lower risk here and if u gotta be obsessed w a celeb or a song or a food that’s ok. yr focusing the energy on something that isnt a substance so be proud of it

give yrself a break. give yrself some credit. everyday isnt gonna be on the “best of your name here’s days” but sometimes u just live to live bc that’s what u do. u wait it out and get thru it and wait for the sun to come back out. and if u cant get outta bed. or if you hate yr job and wanna scream- that’s normal it’s more normal than always being happy ppl just dont like talking abt bc society kinda trains us to hide our fucked upness idk why but thats how it is. they dont wanna tell us to do preventative care until we’re in the pits

all in all- it comes down to (at least for me) not planning w an endgoal in mind. it’s not over til it’s over and rlly we dont know. it’s all fluctuating and not meant to be a finish line we cross and then suddenly we’re done and we dont suffer anymore and the feeling of shit is gone or the risk of relapse is gone and the depression is cleared away never to be seen again. it’s not realistic. bc it isnt real. on the real- risk is always there and the downs and ups mix and run together and depression is not curable (this isnt something to be miserable over tho) depression isnt curable, yeah ok, but it is manageable. it can be quieted down from time to time and if u keep up w yr healthy routines and coping mechanisms- depression will still find its way to u bc the real world is not something u can manage. death in the family, loss of money or job, car breaking down, sickness outta nowhere, depression grows wild when these very real life stressors come into our lives. but all that too eventually gets easier and easier at least from a “ok i have some distance now” standpoint. and then as those days get more and more btwn it u can then be like “oh wow, ive made it thru X amount of days! ive put up w it this long! whats one more day, whats one more week, hell might as well see how much prouder i can feel once ive got a year under my belt!” plus u will be more capable of handling the bullshit if u know u can still find some safe places in yr coping skills or friends or resources.

ok so this is prob a mess but bottomline know this:

I love  you and i will be here the best i can should u ever wanna come spill or if u need me to just send u pics of my dog or boring pics of knickknacks or selfies or memes or links or anything just tell me what u need and i will try my best to show u my love. i hope u can see that u reaching out is just already a HUGE major step in the right direction, give yrself credit! thats amazing! yr already doing it pumpkin look at u! it’s hard ik. but i also know if u are capable of saying u have this problem going on, u are capable of getting thru this. u are a light in the world. u offer goodness and u offer yrself and that’s enough. even if yr fucked up right now- u are contributing to the world by simply being u. there is literally NO ONE ELSE WHO IS YOU. so u are unique by definition. i hope u get something from this post and if not i hope it strikes an idea or thing u can do that will help. i hope u know im here and i hope u see this.

i am sending u all my light and love and good vibes and i can’t wait to see or hear from u again. u are never bothering me, a burden, or stressing me out. tbh it stresses me more that u might be struggling and not telling me or anyone. i dont ever want u to suffer in silence bc u feel guilt or scared or anything. u deserve to have a place to voice yr shit. im here to listen if u do wanna tell me anymore.

everyone else-if this helped or if u can think of anything that might help anon or anyone else- feel free to reblog and get some good NONJUDGMENTAL advice or tips and tricks going, but please please please remember to not come off as judgey or flood it with your drama. keep ur drama out of this post so anon or anyone else doesn’t get triggered by it. 

and dont ignore my rule and do it anyway and then say some shit like “ik u said not to but i think this will help lol sorry” like we need this post to stay on this vibe that i set in motion and not a struggle contest or dick measuring or all sad personal reminiscing. go make yr own post for that this is NOT the space.

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

[swampgallows]

therapy today went okay but i feel like i talked too much lmfao. i passed out around like 10pm and now im awake again and uhh hmmm ngngngghghhhmhm

also she asked me like “find out what you wanna get out of therapy and then we can set some goals” lmao i wanna GET FIXED 

i dunno if i am actually mentally ill or if it’s just my mom/environment or if i’m neurodivergent somehow or if i need medication or whatever the fuck it is, i just know that it’s not normal to feel okay one day and then have some minor thing happen that catapults me into feeling suicidal. im doing better lately but that’s why i signed up for therapy NOW because i know when im feeling good i get this delusion of like “haha see i never needed it at all :)” and then some little fucking thing happens (or nothing happens) and suddenly i cant get out of bed for three days. i told her that i think it’s more than my environment because even when i was busy at work and even when i was busy and away from home in college i had extremely persistent and severe depression, got into several different overlapping abusive relationships, nearly failed my classes one semester, and then i got hit by a car, was in a wheelchair for 6 months, then had our car hit by a semi immediately afterward. it’s time for new glasses btw lmao as i am still wearing the same pair that got scratched to shit and annihilated in the accident. lmfao The Accident™

this is a pic of them from the night of the accident and the scratches have only gotten worse. id take a new pic but im in bed in the dark and whatever

the therapist seemed impressed with my psychology knowledge which was kind of discomforting, in a way. i guess im just so used to my own situation and people utilizing the internet to learn about their own head cases that i dont consider it novel to have actually done research. also because with my other experiences i felt like doctors would be dismissive of me as if i was trying to one-up them or something, like “well -I- have the degree and YOU dont” like, well yeah, im not sitting here trying to correct you but i am gonna use the terminology im familiar with even if theyre super special SAT words or w/e (like i’m gonna say shit like “comorbid” and “hypnagogic” because that’s the terminology i use all the time to describe these situations... i throw out “5 dollar words” all the time :\) but i think maybe by also having a video/verbal conversation w me that she knows i’m not sitting there meticulously typing up the most fancy schmancy shit i can find, flippin through a thesaurus like a blood elf nobleman vampire’s purple prose or somethin.

i guess what i wanna get out of therapy is uh

1. i dont want to be suicidal, which means 2. i have to build confidence, which means 3. i have to become self-reliant, or more self-reliant than i am.

she suggested, on the grounds of my mom giving me interrogation any time i try to go out on my own (hence me only feeling comfortable to go out when i fucking sneak out of the house or on the VERY rare occasions that she isn’t home) that i have a written list that i either give to her personally or write out and leave for her to read at her leisure of all the answers to her questions: where ive gone, when i’ll be back, what i’m doing, etc. the problem is coming home, though, because then she reads me the riot act of guilt on anything i did. if i go out and get food, it becomes about her. if i go out and do an errand, it becomes about her. everything i do somehow falls back on her. 

i explained to the therapist that even when i was still working—a perfect chance to learn to drive and drive regularly—i took the bus the entire time. but i’d have to be driven TO the bus stop and then take the bus to work, which meant my mom drove me to the bus every day. and my dad would talk about how good it was for MY MOM to have a reason to get up in the morning, and that it’s good for her because it gives her a kind of schedule or obligation to follow. so then like... my schedule now becomes HER schedule. and i martyr my potential independence of driving to work on my own in order to give my mom a sense of purpose. 

so...every day, mom picked me up from the bus stop, just like she had been for all the years i was in school. of course i never went out and did anything after (or before!) work; i never had the freedom. sure i could tell my mom partway through the day if i was staying late or going somewhere else, but my work was also in the middle of a canyon, five miles of nothing in either direction. if i missed the bus home, i wouldnt have another chance to go home for another hour. so having buses come only once an hour and then also having my mom waiting for me at the stop... it was just too much trouble to say like “hm i think i’ll go grab a smoothie before work” or “maybe i’ll hang with my coworkers a bit and go grab dinner with them” or “maybe i’ll start going to the gym after work”. i couldnt make any executive decisions about my own life. i think that restriction of freedom happens for lower income people too, since youre relying on a (notoriously shitty) bus service to get anywhere and you also cant just throw money around that often. i had a little slush fund to treat myself every so often but i didnt have the access to it. 

EVERY day that i was 20 minutes away from the stop i would have to text my mom the name of the stop (imagine, if it were “maple street” or something, my entire text message history with my mom just being “maple” “k” “maple” “k” back and forth for months) in case she had fallen asleep or was doing something, as the bus would sometimes be late or early or whatever. and sometimes i would delay that text on purpose to have the extra time to buy something from one of the fast food places located at my bus stop, then hide it in the bottom of my bag and hope it wasn’t too aromatic that my mom would notice and ask me about it. 

BECAUSE if i bought food on a day she made dinner, she would flagellate herself about it, and if i bought food on a day that she DIDNT make dinner she would flagellate herself about it. it’s HER FAULT because she doesn’t make food enough that i have to go buy my own :((((, so the one time she does cook i’m already getting food because she’s unreliable :((((, and shit like that, instead of like, just because there IS food doesn’t...mean anything!!!!! maybe i just wanted a certain kind of food that day!! But it becomes about her!!!! everything i do hurts her. everything i do. so i just got adjusted to just... not eating, or eating the same things over and over. eventually, when i was still working, i would eat nothing but a muffin until i came home. and if there was food, i would eat it, and if there wasn’t, then i wouldn’t eat. many nights i went to bed without eating even if there WAS food because i was just so fucking tired.

i dunno i kinda lost my train of thought but basically it’s hard to assert myself because i’m not confident because a lot of the time i dont know if im doing something right. it reminds me a lot of the scene in tangled where rapunzel fucks up and something bad happens to her and her mom catches her in the act, and she uses that to reinforce rapunzel’s dependence on her. like obviously my mom isn’t abusive like that but it makes me afraid to fail and even MORE afraid to even try, because i know that if i DO fail--whatever it is--it will just be more evidence for why i should have just asked her or had her do it. and more evidence, to me, of why im worthless and shitty and incapable of doing anything.

like the other day my mom wanted me to follow her in a separate car to a car place to drop off the car she was driving, and then we’d go home together in one car. but she wanted me to do it at 9 in the fucking morning and let me know two days beforehand. i had been going to BED at like 7am at the time so i was already like ‘man this is gonna suck’. but i was still up in the morning and was getting ready to take a shower, iw as on time, but my mom said “i can tell how tired you are and how nervous you are about doing this so you know what dont worry about it. go back to bed.” and it was really shitty for me because YEAH i was super tired and YEAH i didnt feel like i was capable of driving by myself at that moment, like i probably COULD HAVE if it were an emergency, but my mom talked about doing all this shit afterward like going on a shopping trip and stuff and BASICALLY it’s less that i was afraid of the driving but more that i knew the errand wouldn’t end there. and i had gotten zero sleep and just didnt wanna fucking do it, i didnt wanna have a “girl time :)” outing with my mom, and i knew i’d basically get trapped into hanging out with my mom if i went. so i stayed home. but then that’s also a blow to me because stupid fucking worthless idiot that i am cant even drive ten miles in a fucking car, or whatever, useless leech living with my parents contributing nothing, unemployed for a year, blah blah blah. stupid fucking neet should have never been born etc etc etc

she took an uber home and had glowing reviews about the experience and that’s great for her but the guilt made me throw up because i couldnt even do this minuscule thing. so like, if i DO hand her a note and say “here’s all the shit im going to do, BUH BYE” and some shit happens, or i dont get what i need done, or i dont have a fully developed plan of what i’m doing, then it’s gonna be more ammunition toward what a useless piece of shit i am. like, i dont have good food to eat at the house, but i also have NO APPETITE so nothing sounds good, so i cant even think of what foods i would get if i could. it’s such a jarring opportunity that i would just like...not get anything at all and go home. even when i -did- have the opportunity i just went “Uhh umm uhhh fuck uhhh milk” and got that (AND THEN MY MOM CAME HOME W 2 GALLONS OF MILK FROM COSTCO, SO OF COURSE I -DID SOMETHING WRONG-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I JUST LEFT IT UP TO HER INSTEAD OF DARING TO DO SOMETHING MYSELF I WOULDNT HAVE LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT AND ENDED UP WITH 3 GALLONS OF MILK AT THE HOUSE) of course i drank the milk i bought, it’s not like it went to waste, but i was CAUGHT because there were now THREE instead of the one gallon covertly getting replaced. instead of me doing something helpful i did something that became an inconvenience.

it’s just little shit but it all adds up. it’s been all of these little fucking things forever and ever and ever, just like my mom’s hoarded garbage. “i bought just a couple of things”, innumerable times throughout the duration of my entire life, forever and ever, “just a few small things” over and over until it’s suffocating.  it’s just all this little shit all the fucking time and it’s suffocating.

naturally, the therapist sent me an article on “daughters of narcissistic mothers”. this will be a delight to read, i’m sure.

[yllucsanad]

14 and 15 from the x files asks 😊

14. Favorite episode(s)? Why?

ok you didnt ask for nearly this much but ive always wanted to make this list anyways so here ya go!!

1x01 Pilot: I mean,,,, does this even need an explanation? 

1x03 Squeeze: amazing MOTW, “do you think i’m spooky?”, “it seems you were acting very territorial” “of course i was” this is episode thREE PEOPLE, the gray/green alien conversation lmaoooo

1x24 The Erlenmeyer Flask: rip deep throat, iconic “trust no one”, the alien plot seriously begins the thicken here

2x01 Little Green Men: they have a secret meeting how cute, Mulder recording everything for Scully um hello someone is in love

2x08 One Breath: Mulder TEARING apart the hospital and screaming at people for Scully, coma hand holding and crying in his apartment, the return of her necklace, “mulder? i had the strengths of your beliefs” 

2x13 Irresistible: like obviously donnie pfaster makes me uncomf but the way mulder tips up scully’s chin and makes her look at him and then she breaks down and FINALLY lets mulder see her as something besides hard as a rock

2x17 End Game: Scully taking charge and saving Mulder’s life, Mulder trading “Samantha” for Scully

3x04 Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose: this episode is very funny and i appreciate that in this dark x files universe, QUEEQUEG, “how do i die?” “you don’t”, “autoerotic asphyxiation” 

3x13 Syzygy: “sure fine whatever”, jealous scully, cigarette smoking scully, “shut up mulder”

3x17 Pusher: this ep is simply amazing in every way and we all know it

3x22 Quagmire: mulder hating the dog for no reason, RIP queequeg, the conversation on the rock

4x03 Home: this episode is gory and cool, the conversation on the bench, scully making noises to try to get the sheep to move lmao, mulder playing with the baseball and the tv and being sad that elvis died, and im a sucker for kevlar 

4x13 Never Again: Iconic is all i need to say

4x14 Memento Mori: yeah the cancer arc sucks and all but the msr is soo good in this like i can never get over it, the flowers

4x20 Small Potatoes: a great light hearted episode in which scully and “mulder” almost KISS

4x22 Elegy: this episode makes my list because it is so raw and emotional, because mulder gives scully no personal space ever, the bowling scene. scully’s session with the therapist

5x01/02 Redux & Redux II: “keep going fbi woman”, mulder never ceasing to cry about scully, “one sorry son of a bitch speaking”, all the kisses, the hand holding, mulder coming back “from the dead” because he had to see scully, the smile when he tells skinner her cancer is in remission

5x04 Detour: “kill me now”, the wine and cheese (poor scully she really tried), “i dont wanna wrestle”, “maybe if i rains sleeping bags you’ll get lucky”

5x05 The Post-Modern Prometheus: a happy motw ep is always great, b&w, the humor in this one is just golden, the dancing scene of course

5x10 Chinga: mulder without scully lmaooo, “marry me”, the pencils lmao

5x12 Bad Blood: do i even need to explain my love for this one?

5x19 Folie a Deux: a lot of people dont like this ep for some reason but i do, mulders split lip is Hawt, “one in five billion”, “folie a deux. a madness shared by two”

5x20 The End: fuck diana BUT uh, pic of mulder and scully hanging in the office, gibson impressing the fuck outta everyone, gibson exposing mulder about diana and scully, mulder fuckin up spender, the way scully holds mulder after the office fire

6x03 Triangle: the filming is so beautifully done, i love a good irl AU, the KISS i could write ESSAYS about this kiss, “i love you”

6x06 How the Ghosts Stole Christmas: mulder literally steals scully’s keys so she cant leave, they LITERALLY kill each other and then go exchange gifts after they said they wouldnt get each other anything i mean CMON

6x08 The Rain King: everyone assuming mulder and scully are a couple, “i do not gaze at scully”, scully’s speech to sheils

6x14 Monday: i just really really like this episode for some odd reason i cant put my finger on

6x15 Arcadia: again, another episode that i don’t feel the need to explain why i love it lol

6x18 Milagro: scully being fascinated by this guy, mulder being possessive jealous and worrisome, the hug when scully doesnt die, scully grabbing mulders arm, “in my book I’ve written that agent scully falls in love. but that’s obviously impossible. agent scully is already in love.”

6x19 The Unnatural: the ice cream thing, the ripping of the document, i do enjoy the story, fuckin mulder and his baseball obsession, the Scene (you know the one) hips before hands OO baby

6x21 Field Trip: a very cool episode, mulder telling scully that he ends up being right like 98.9% of the time and shes like o fuck, she thinks mulder is dead :’(, they literally trip together, the hand hold at the end

7x06 The Goldberg Variation: lots of good ol flirting, i enjoy the case, the sink lmaoooo, “i like baseball too”

7x14 Theef: “i’ll always keep you guessing”, mulder saving scully by pulling the pins out of the eyes, 

7x16 Chimera: “do you have a significant other?” “not in the widely understand definition of that term”, “mulder when you find me dead, my desiccated corpse propped up, staring lifelessly through the telescope at drunken frat boys peeing and vomiting in the gutter, just know that my last thoughts were of you, and how i’d like to kill you” “i’m sorry who is this”, and also mulder just being really great at his job seriously turns me on

7x17 all things: must i explain?

7x19 Hollywood A.D.: a Classic, scully showing tea leoni how to run i heels, mulder packs it to the left, skinman, bubble baths, the laughing and the hand holding at the end i am DECEASED

7x21 Je Souhaite: i def like the case in this one, scully’s entrance to the office in the beginning (hmm someones suspiciously happy), scully and her invisible body lol, mulders wish was fantastic, the whole last scene as well as “well i’m fairly happy. that’s something” atths ya know

7x22 Requiem: ok like even though its depressing as fuck in end i love this ep, scully visibly turned on by the fact that mulder assaulted someone, “let’s go waste some money”, “we could start sharing rooms”, mulder holding scully when she faints in the woods, mulder watching scully with the baby, the whole bed scene, the HUG cause mulder couldnt live without her if something happened, PERGNANt

and as far as season 8 goes….. every episode besides the ones with mulder are meh and lets pretend 9 didnt happen except i guess The Truth was good considering the circumstances

and i aint gon get into the revival ho boy

15. Favorite MSR moments?

most of them are listed above but other than those:

in firewalker when mulder holds scully’s face

when scully puts herself in contempt of court for mulder and then the HUG

BBQ SAUCE

in die hand when mulder rolls himself over scully when shots are firing

all the comfort and care in end game

they way scully cares for mulder when his father and mother die

haha mulders reaction when scully identifies the plane at the bottom of the water

the lace thing, the china pattern thing

scullys concern for mulder in paper hearts and the hug

mulders memoization of scully’s senior thesis

mulder showing off athletically for scully, scully enjoying it

in pine bluff variant when scully recognizes mulder by his bandaged fingers

in dreamland when scully says she would kiss mulder if he wasnt so ugly and the exchange of the sunflower seeds, also mulder knows her breakfast

jealous scully in alpha

the touchstone conversation

the millennium kiss

everytime mulder calls scully dana (beyond the sea, lazarus, the field where i died, trust no 1)

in tooms the first and only time scully calls mulder fox (i know he doesnt really like it but i still wish they did it again because it carries a big weight)

the decontamination shower

when scully cares for mulder when he is in shock

when scully shoots mulder and tends to his wound later

and we musnt forget fight the future and i want to believe

[tumblunni]

Man the manga makes it look so fun to be a Nobody!

I really marvel at how they captured the uncanny nature of the enemy Nobodies?? Cos seriously the whole point of them is that they look humanoid but move in really inhuman ways. And each individual enemy type has its own unique mannerisms for this, but in general its like..slugs? I'm pretty sure its slugs?? They stretch and squish and wiggle around and its like pretty much EXACTLY how medicinal leeches move, but thats a very underrated animal so its probably more likely it was slugs or worms. Like 'hey lets exaggerate slugs' but BELIEVE IT OR NOT THAT FATEFUL WIGGLIER SLUG DOES TRULY EXIST. And i love their cutie patoot lil faces. And the world needs to appreciate them more!

...ok im getting offtopic but you get the gist of what i mean. The basic Dusk enemies are vaguely humanoid things with their arms and legs tapering off into sticklike points, and they either wiggle them around like leech heads or hold their arms behind them naruto run style and use their entire body as a leech! Like its more likely that they pick up stuff by wrapping around it like a snake, rather than just using hands?? And also they can fly and stick to ceilings and just generally have loads of fun?? And look really pretty?? And some of the other more complex nobodies look even cooler doing their weird wiggle flying. Like the Assassin type have these weird big metal petal shapes on their arms that flutter like feathers and make them look like winged snakes crossed with.. Kites...? Kites made of kimonos? Being worn by a man with no face..?

SERIOUSLY WHO DESIGNED THESE FUNKY THINGS THEYRE SO UNIQUELY GENIUS

And aaa the Days manga has a REALLY good panel showing a big swarm of them in flight and it just looks SO MAGICAL AND SPOOKY! this is the exact kind of Aesthetically Nutso Ghost Monster Person i wish i could be! The manga is so cool at iimplying the same sense of inhuman motion by drawing them like motion tweens? Like theyre warped into wildly different body shapes in every panel and its just SO CREEPY and SO BADASS and SOMETIMES KINDA MAJESTIC AND ENDEARING EVEN! And this big flight scene has EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL ONE drawn with its own different pose and mannerisms and like man every one of these weird squiggle flights looks like a world of fun to do!! God i love when superpowers actually look FUN, yo! It fuckin sucks that theyre just low level enemies and not ever playable. The only Nobodies that are playable or even get a big amount of screentime in cutscenes are the ones that ACTUALLY look humanoid and also move humanoid and BOOOO have zero traits of the monster theyre supposed to be. Like man just give me a whole game playing a lil bebby Nobody flying around! They remind me of the wanderers in Journey, they'd be so well suited to a chilled out exploration game like that.

And AAAAAA i get so sad thinking about how they're like bebbys!!! Noooo! Why do we not have more sympathy for them?? Like the particular way they write their 'bumbling weak enemy' scenes just comes off more like..well..sad thoughts about what happens when you lose your heart. Cos i mean the series really doesnt dwell much on the implications of the fact every single one of them used to be human! And whenever they're not being given orders by the higher ups in the organization, theyre just shown wiggling around flying in circles for fun, like a shoal of fish. They're so inhuman now, aside from vague resembelance in their appearances. They'd be seen as the cute wpodland critters in a disney princess musical number if they werent designated as monsters! Like they're not just 'dumb', they friggin dont remember how to talk anymore. And in their most memorable scene they dont understand the order "find this person" and can be easily tricked by photos of him. "Yes boss here is roxas he's a little more flatter than usual but here he is!" And they just keep gathering hundreds of the same person and never once cotton on to anything being wrong. Its so cute and also scary?? Cos seriously they are such eldritch monstrosities of fragmented soul that they move on to STEALING THE WORD PHOTOGRAPH. Just plucking it right out of the language! Failing so hard that you warp the laws of reality! I feel sorry for the poor lil guys, you definately cant say they didnt try as hard as possible!

AND SERIOUSLY THATS ALSO A COMMON TRAIT IN THE MANGA

I'm just so happy that they gave a bit more sympathy to the low level enemies because seriously WHO GIVES SUCH A GOOD DESIGN TO A LOW LEVEL ENEMY AND THEN BARELY EVER USES THEM FOR ANY SCENES

They actually give some sorts of pseudo dialogue to them?? Like during the kh2 prologue they show roxas being able to psychically perceive their thoughts while theyre trying to kidnap him. And its just so sympathetic and sad in retrospect?? They did a great job amplifying everything about this sequence because they made the Nobodies look so much scarier, made Roxas's life with his friends look even more heartwarming, and made it all super tense so you overlook all these little hints and just cheer for roxas in defeating these guys. But they left so many things that actually foreshadow that Roxas is a Nobody too, so reading this a second time is so sadddddd. I almost wish this was the first time i experienced the story, i think it does basically everything better than the original game version. Like seriously THAT ONE LINE OF WHAT THE WEAK ENEMIES ARE THINKING! "We've found you, my leige". THEY WERE JUST TRYING TO SAVE THEIR BOSS AND DIDNT KNOW WHY HE DIDNT RECOGNISE THEM. AND THEN HE ATTACKS THEM AND THEY DONT KNOW WHY!! aaa theyre just BABIES god theyre just ghost demon thingies that are like the larval stage compared to the main character versions. They dont remember who they were as humans, they just know they love their boss!! and he's apparantly been kidnapped by scary humans!! THEY WERE TRYING SO HARD TO SAVE HIM!! they got so damn close to taking over the town and they were swarming everywhere searching for him and Axel was trying so hard too and Diz just kept interrupting him before he cpuld explain or lying to roxas to manipulate them against each other! And axel even brought cake and icecream with him!! He was just trying to rescue his lil bro!!! Auuuugh seriously it was such a good twist that the Scary Monster Dudes were objectively in the right throughout this entire intro, and they just wanted to save Roxas's goddamn life. And he didnt even get to remember his peaceful days as a family with his fellow monster boyos until like five seconds before dying :(

Did anyone else just.. Not want to play kingdom hearts 2 after the prologue?

Like i couldnt stand the mood whiplash of going back to happy go lucky disney worlds with sora and having no more deep sad intriguing plot points for like ten hours of gameplay. And i could never take Organization 13 seriously as villains when the entire damn prologue was them being SUPER FUCKING SYMPATHETIC and the 'good guy' trying to murder a child in order to bring sora back. Like why am i supposed to be happy that he succeeded when i know sora himself would say no if he was told what sacrifice had to happen to bring him back? I would have been way more interested in this sequel having me play as roxas and try and take on the legacy of sora as the next hero and try and find a way to bring sora back without anyone having to die. Like the whole story could be people being all 'blah blah youre worthless youre not human your only purpose is to die for the sacrifice' and we explore all different sorts of 'heroes' doing horrible acts and justifying it to themselves because some people are just 'born evil' and its okay to do whatever you want to them. And Roxas is always struggling with almost believing that shit about himself, but in the end he does succeed to find a happy ending for everyone without a need for 'sacrifices'. And he learns to have self confidence and form his own identity and have more friendship scenes with Axel and co and also redeem all the other Nobodies please and also hug the tiny enemy childrens ones. I just did not feel much for the plot of kh2 at all except for the Nobodies!! Its just not sympathetic to have your 'heroes' arguing that 'oh they dont have hearts theyre not human they dont feel anything so theyre all evil and its all fine'. The game acts like this is true despite giving sympathetic backstories to half of them and the other half all die crying that they want to live!! What the fuck!! Like the only consolation is that they clearly cottoned on to the Org being RIDICULOUSLY POPULAR and later games literally bring all the most fan-loved ones back from the dead and add EVEN MORE sympathetic backstories and also here have a bigger villain who was really responsible and also he lied to them and theyre NOT really empty hearted and incapable of love. THEY ARE CONSTANTLY SHOWN HAVING THAT, EVEN THE WEAK LIL ENEMY DUDES HAVE ALL THAT LOYALTY TO ROXAS AAAAGH THEY DIED IN DROVES TRYING IN VAIN TO SAVE HIMMMMM

And god theyre so cute and so well designed and so sad and im sorry but AGGHHHH

I Forgot I Had So Many Emotions For The Emotionless Bebs :(

...also i really wish i cpuld get this pic of thos one panel to upload cos it looks real cool. I didnt think anything could make me love them more!!! Theyte just innocent weird snake bird worm person mannequin origami things. They just want to flutter around like messed up butterflies! And adorably poke at things they're curious about, and hold brooms awkwardly with their squiggle hands! The manga shows them doing lil chores around the house!! I LOVE THEMMMMMMM

[abcdosaka]

bts concert day 1 was sooo good. worth every penny that i didn’t spend. i bought day 2 though bc i feel like streaming links are gonna be even harder to find and since day 1 was so worth it, day 2 will prolly be just as good (also i just got a gst credit so basically: the government of canada paid for my bts ticket). also i really cant deal with looking for links every 10 minutes and the microwave quality esp since i’ve been getting minimal sleep trying to prepare my sleep schedule specifically for this concert lmaooo thank god its reading week its like bts set this concert up specially for me

i have so much to say but ill do bullet points bc im dead tired

ego live was everything. the most serotonin ive ever gotten in my life. hobi looked so happy i couldve cried and the choreo is so adorableeee and when he got up all in the cameras face i was like YESS BITCHHHH TELL THEMMMMM i actually died he looked so good

ugh live was everything i wanted. tbh the dance break wasnt much of a dance break considering its bts but i didn’t think a heavy choreo would work well for ugh anyway like the swaying thing they did radiated so much swag i think it was perfect as it was

that outfit change in filter was insane i still dont understand. it was so good he looked like a sexy tailor and i got mj vibes

my time was sexy like i hate sexualizing men but jks thighs? i could not stop staring. sorry jk. its also goals

the set/concept for moon was everything like definitely the best set out of everything apparently its ilke the little prince idk i never read that book/watched the movie but maybe i should. it was just beautiful and the ar was literalllyy OUT OF THIS WORLD PUN INTENDED.

inner child was adorable i couldnt stop smilingggggg who was that baby anyway?? i guess its prob just some random kid but still. cute 🥺 it was like that scene in the abandoned theme park in dbh with alice

persona is actually one of my fav songs from well mots:persona (after home) but that whole performance was crazy. fav detail was def how the masked ppl on the platforms behind rm were doing the same moves all synchronized, also the mic was literally lit on fire after rm jumped down tht was so good

interlude shadow.....ok thats actually one of the best songs from 7. the transition from white to black was really well done

suga looked so good in the bil performance idk man. i kept staring at my minecraft quality screen trying to id everyone and there was this man with this clean ass haircut with forehead out and i was like.....is that.....no it cant be....suga? is that you? it was him. i couldnt believe it.

jk looked really really good in black swan. but my time just blew it out of the friggin water. the leather???? the way he flipped his jacket off and on as part of the choreo? i was expecting sexy but wow

i wont even talk abt hobi like??? ok tbh the sleeveless thing reminded me of outfits that are very typical for boy groups but when he does it it just hits different bc i love him. and the tattoos. what was he thinking. that arm thing was really really good too like he looked friggin built

jimins undercut was really really clean actually i was reading this webtoon “white blood” and he looked like luci who basically looks like this (but jimin looked better)

can tumblr stop auto adjusting the size damn ?? i spent 5 minutes looking for a decent pic and i cant find one where luci has his eyes open and his hair not messy at the same time so this will have to do. anyway i just thought they looked siimilar also look at those dope ass golden fangs. not related but luci’s character design is so good. anyway BACK TO WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

dionysus trap remix was so good.

wab dance break was really really excellent like omg i loved it so much. it was just everything. it was like the first time i saw the mama 18 fake love dance break with the marionette movements but even better

i skipped all the vcrs/peed during those times. kinda unfortunate but i felt like i wasnt missing much so. they didnt make sense but i guess they’re always like that

jimins black swan orch ver dance. what do i even say. i flipped my shitttt

what i want to see on day 2: someone said day 1 they did all the bangers so they’ll do ballads/slower songs on day 2. if thats the case what i wanna see is all the r&b tracks, anything from the following: 134340*, paradise*, i need u urban mix*, miss right, coffee, love is not over, let me know, do you think it makes sense, house of cards, autumn leaves*, moving on*, rain*, home. more energetic songs i wanna see include outro wings, jump*, look here, ma city*, lost, bst, outro tear. *=song i especially want to see. honestly most of these are not realistic but they did do quite a few throwbacks so..... they might do one or two of these. ill be happy with anything i guess. if day 2 isnt as good i can just consider my payment as being for day 1 (i managed to watch most of it uninterrupted so)

rn im expecting spring day, 2!3!, young forever, mikrokosmos, fire, POSSIBLY danger but i kinda doubt it, anpanman?? but they did that for bbc live so idk? mic drop, honestly i think they will do i need u since today they did some of the songs where there was a shift in how famous they were (dna, dope, nmd)

ok wtf was even the point of the bullet points i wrote so much lmao. ok time for me to sleep for like 4 hours?? ugh im gonna eat dinner late :/ well its ok

[jerseydeanne]

Dear Winky, please give us your thoughts

“In regards to the question about when Harry became convinced Meghan was the one, I honestly think it was earlier in the relationship than this year. 

I’ll lay out why I think that, and it’s mostly to do with Harry. 

You see, I’m pretty convinced that when Harry “falls in love”, so to speak, he does so quickly, and he sticks to you like gorilla glue to popsicle sticks in a physics project. 

When he landed Chelsy in early 2004, he did so over a summer spent back in forth between where she was in South Africa, and Lesotho where he was doing that documentary. They could only have had a few weeks of that before he had to return to the UK, and Harry was COMMITTED. Don’t confuse that with faithful. He was linked to Natalie Pinkham in late 2004, and again in late 2006. Apparently he wanted a kiss, and decided to go back inside the building they had just exited in order to get it. And paps heard the whole thing, with photos of them on the stoop. And somewhere in there during a training exercise in Canada there was that stripper waitress Cherie Cymbalisty or something, that sold her kissing stories to the press. Apparently he didn’t learn his lesson about meeting strippers in Canada. 

My point being that Harry wasn’t ready for a big boy relationship. He loves drinking, and partying, and raucous behavior. But he was in love, and determined to apologize and work it out, instead of grow up on his own. During their split in 2007, where Chelsy left him because he wasn’t committed enough, that being the public line, she leaked about some hot crocodile hunter in South Africa that would leap at the chance to date her. I just remember several flattering photographes of him that made the paper, and Harry was DESPERATE to get her back. He was the guy that wasn’t interested in a relationship when he had her, but had to keep her regardless. 

They split up in early 2009. They both dated other people. Harry hung out with a group of girls called “the hardcore sisters” , and by summer it was leaking that he was missing Chelsy, and by that fall they were back together. Then they split over the summer of 2010, after Harry had spent a good part of it regularly flying out to south Africa, there were definitely pap pics of Harry at a picnic table smoking and I believe her brother was there. William gets engaged in  November in 2010, and it wasn’t long before it was leaking that Harry was missing Chelsy. Then in February 2011 she made a trip to the UK, and suddenly there stories about her helping with the best man’s speech, pictures of her shopping, she was his unofficial date. 

Chelsy was obviously pulling away, over and over, and Harry usually was the one to drive the narrative that he wanted her back. There at the end, I don’t recall any cheating, I think maybe he did mature into the relationship. The irony being when he was ready to be the man she’d wanted in the beginning, she’d begun to realize how bad it would suck to be a royal. 

That was a cycle if ending it, getting back together, ending it, getting back together. Even in 2012, before he went public with Cressida, people were still convinced there would be another round of the Harry and Chelsy show. 

Cressida is another classic example of Harry being in it for the long haul, even after it’s obvious it’s not working. In the beginning of their relationship, Harry was taking her to the Batman premier, he was with her on that island for a Branson birthday before the Vegas trip. Harry and fallen, and he was SERIOUS. He was trying to impress her, at the expense of privacy. Not faithful enough to blow off vegas, obviously. And knowing he had made a huge bruiser there, there was tons of press of his friends keeping Cressida in a tight circle. There were rumors of a house party where she met William in December 2012. Harry had gotten into trouble, and WAY over compensated. He went super public with her that February, in the bossum of her good friends the York’s. 

I thought he was ALOT more mature during the Cressida relationship. There weren’t cheating rumors, there werent that many party rumors. The press attribute that to Cressida. She got Harry to stop drinking and grow up. I guess that all that was left for Meghan was smoking, hm. 

Then over the summer of 2013, Cressida started going more public. She was clearly going to use her name recognition to get a jump start in acting, and instead found out that people in the UK weren’t going to hire a royal girlfriend. They assumed that she couldnt do any racy parts. And she didnt have the chops for the dramatic parts. I think by 2014, it was obvious that it was going to be acting or Harry. And I don’t think she ever doubted that it was going to be acting. There was an amusing peice in 2014 that she was more interested in Shepherds Bush, and Burning Man than a royal wedding. The problem there being Harry totally wanted a royal wedding. 

They split that may. There was ambiguity for a month. Reports about Harry either tearing it up at the Pelly Wedding, or crying into his cups over her. He was papped on the phone when at the Elvis House. It was heavily emplied with her. 

By June it was obvious to everyone else it was over. Cressida is going off into the horizon to be an actress. Harry still wasn’t done, however. After a summer spent avoiding each other, she hurried back from a wedding abroad for the Invictus Games, and there were rumors about her being at his 30th at Clarence House. Nothing ever happened. The reason I think that Harry was hoping she’d come back is because he kept following her around until late 2015. After she had a Valentine’s with another ex byfriend, the better looking Henry, Harry goes to publicly support her at TWO seperate plays. The Pellys accompanied him to one, where he totally did a pap walk so Cressida would get some attention from the press. Cressida was invited to his birthday party in 2015 too. 

I felt sorry for him at that point, honestly. Those pap pics of him walking to some dinky backstreet theater, Lizzy Pelly next to him, just so Cressida could get some press, even though she obviously wasnt going to have him were sad. Later that year paps caught him joining the Pellys for dinner. Not like normal people. Lizzy and Guy were having dinner with her parents at a public restaurant, and Harry suddenly shows up right before dessert. The pap shots were of everyone saying goodbye outside the restaurant. When you are desperate enough to drive across town to sit at a table with some friends and some in laws you haven’t seen since their wedding a year ago, where you were either crying into cups or tearing it up, for the short amount if time it takes people to eat pudding. I mean, you really didn’t want to sit at home alone. 

And just a few short months later, he met Meghan. A girl who made it a mission to tell him all about how humanitarian her interest was. A girl who couldn’t wait to tell him how NOT shy she was. She had been playing a game on Insta for months taking pics around him. A girl who totes saw herself married to him.

Looking backwards, Meghan is his MO.  He sends her flowers, back to back dates in June, gets that luxury tent in Africa in August, he goes above and beyond to impress the girl that he’d fallen for fast and hard like usual. And when the press came for her in November,  Harry WAY over reacted and got to tell the press everything I imagine he thinks about in private. Coulda, shoulda, woulda with Chelsy and Cressida became something Meghan could use. 

And just like he followed Cressida for a year while she was dating other guys, he did what would make Meghan happy, and had her sat next to him at Inskip wedding, and papped with her February (at least this time it was a girl that was dating him) and did the pap walk behind her house in April, and made it abundantly clear to everyone it was two for the price of one in may. 

He’s genuinely all up in there. Just look at the pics of Harry spending the Invictus closing games with her friends and mom. Instead of spending it with soldiers families, like he usually did, he was promoting her loser friends in her box. He was happily chatting with her mother in front of everyone. He kept his arms around her. He kept beaming and kissing her neck. She didn’t even bother to look at him. 

Which is why I’m not shy about saying I don’t like what he’s doing, but I still like him. I strongly dislike her. It’s like watching a Puma playing with a baby bunny before it gets eaten. Harry is gonna fight for this relationship until the very end. And when he stops fighting, it’s gonna be because he was so busy taking on the press, and his family, and his friends for her, and he’s not gonna see he left his back unguarded for the knife she’s gonna slip there. 

I’m surprised the Pellys aren’t still in the scene like last year. But I imagine that alot of his friends find this is hard to watch." 

Some ones go from blog to blog to convince people in a love story. JD, yesterday those someones came on your blog to tell you "HE LIKES HER”.

The story to Africa was a lie, her IG proves that.  He had a serious girlfriend after Cress for 2 years that was at this IG.  No ones buying the love story. It’s stupid. Being in like with someone? Let’s see what wink says. @wink 

[daughterofsinsloth]

Tag game!

thank you very much aja-san @aja154ever for tagging me!!! be well!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? My username is alchemy_omi! alchemy coz Im a huge fan of  fullmetal alchemist and I would like my cat name to be alchemy and omi coz my friend mia think of it as a name for my grandma’s newborn cat & I love it  and it reminds my of the latin word omni meanning all.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

I have only 2 fics, but okay.. My second one “can you sew my suit?” has more bookmarks and kudos (thank you all for your love)

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

I wanted a good skk pic. i had anothe one in mind, but the pic couldnt upload, so i choose this one since its almost chrismas

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

well I just start.. ehm that 6 people who comment at my work I thank them very much!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 and if anyone else want to comment please feel free!

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

its “la vie an rose” (forgot the writer!) [its a photographer!dazai & writer!chuuya au, ongoing]

“find somothing worth fighting for (and learn how to live)” by kibasix

“rumrunners” and “hunger” series by esselle 

and every fic by anonlearnstowrite and sodenoshirayuki_23

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

since I made an account resently I have put any , but I always kept a pepper with the fic name and its little over 30-35

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I love modern art AU coz there are more chances to freeform and for the characters to be together. Fluff is a must!

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

I have 7 bookmarks.. no subscribed

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

for a long time i did write coz i was afraid so now that i start i want to put all of my ideas!

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. 

first of all, english! as a not native speaker there are many mistakes, but thankfully God blessed us with google translate and dictionaries. then I would like to be better at the expression of my thiughts.. I need to work hard..

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

i write only soukoku but im thinking of writing a shin soukoku fic

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

1 oneshot and 1 more that have 3 chapters in tottal

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

about 5

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

in my head. i like to thinking about them throu the day

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

nope i havent, but i always talk about them with mia and she helps me (I wuv you hon) and also post some ideas here and tumblrs will give me ideas ( you guys will be in my credits at the next chapter of my new fic- thank you)

16. How did you discover AO3?

my sister always talked about fanfiction. after i hooked up in bsd and skk i start reading ant got addicted! I finished all the skk ao3 stories in one summerbreak before i start the new ones!

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

okay, no chance in hell!

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

nope

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

sodenoshirayuki_23 my sweetheart mia was always telling me to write and helped me. I own her a lot. (she is an amazing writer btw she always make me feel relaxed with her fics. she is great.)

other than her.. kidasix? she was the first fic I read

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

go for it. if you care about people liking your work or not you wont have fun. your will to write is already half the fic. you can do it!

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I have the plot in my mind, the start and the ending. all the others I write them based where the fic takes me

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

thankfully til now only good once!

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

acton scenes. I cant find the words

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

mow im writing the second chapter of “can you sew my suit?”. I will focus on that and later move on with my unfinished ones.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

i always think of new ones, but I wont to have finished my works before start a new one

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

yep! every night a write a bit based how tired or not Im. normally I write till 1 in the morning

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

only a bit.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

my  first one “teardrop” coz  its meaningful for me. its a gift for my friend and has lots of meaningful words in it.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

no one yet! :’)

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

i just hope im still a writer then!

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

crack dialoge and the thoughts of the charecters. also a bit of angst

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

put my words into thoughts. make the scenary of the dialoge. to give the image of my imaginary to the readers but also leave some parts for their imaginary

33. Why do you write? 

idk. i have a lot of ideas that take me out of reality and i wanted them to have a full image. in bsd fandom coz i wanted to see something diferent. and i start coz i had people who advised me and support me so also wanted it for them. righting is really relaxing and it is like a door rom the world. i like to think it like a place when you can feel and dream not only for me but also for everyone else. thats why i like writing about modern au coz is closer to people’s reality.

I may have only 2 works now, but please wait more from me. thank you for your suport and kind words. 

please take of meee

I wont tag anyone beside @chuuyabelongswithhappiness and @gureshin-trash  and @sinenceq   since I dont know any other writers! you are free not to write this of course!

thank you again! have a nice day!

[stuntchica]

for the kin meme thingy can i just say All of the numbers for saeran and ripple or

meme

you can because i love you

its going under a cut though bc Long

so first saeran. ill do u for this yoosung (ill also use 3rd person for u bc im Telling A Story To The Masses ok)

1:  what's your favorite memory of them?

we used to play video games together a lot, so probably that!! i was really bad at them tbh but yoosung was surprisingly patient with me. like, he’d try to help teach me how to play them better. idk, it was nice & fun

2:  what was your relationship like in canon?

uh well, we didnt really interact that much in canon? except in the bad endings but lets not go there

3:  post/link to your favorite picture of them!

this furry

4:  have you found them? if you haven't, what's something you'd like to do with them when you do?

*points in makos direction* this is yoosung! not confirmed canonmates or anything but tbh id find it difficult to see anyone else as yoosung at this point dhsj (no offence- yall are valid as fuck just, Mako Good Friend)

5:  talk about something they did that meant a lot to you.

honestly just spending time with me meant a lot. being patient and kind and never putting pressure on me. it was nice to be with someone who wasnt saeyoung

6:  do you have a favorite outfit they wore? (post a pic if you want!)

uhhh idk im not sure? yoosung didnt rlly have a particularly great fashion sense (I MEAN it wasnt bad it just wasnt outstanding. it was an average fashion sense???)

7:  do you have any songs that remind you of them, or of you and them together?

i have!! a yoosung mix!! but i need to remake it tbh. i dont have any songs i can think of that remind me of me & yoosung though huh, i should try finding some!

8:  do you have a favorite scene from your canon that they're in?

Every Scene. uhhh but maybe the end of v’s route with rika? that was p cool

9:  talk about a really silly memory of them!

one time we were playing lolol and i Finally got good enough to take on this boss monster and as soon as i was about to win robocat jumped on us. i think yoosung screamed but maybe i just imagined it

10:  talk about a really sad memory of them...

uhhh i dont think i rlly have one?? except maybe bad endings but uh like i said Not Going There

11:  has your opinion of them changed from your canon to now?

i mean not really that much? i guess i relate to yoosung more than i used to, but i still have the same ‘Wow This Is My Close Friend How Cool’ feelings

12:  you get to say one thing to them- what do you say?

ONE DAY ILL GET TO A HIGHER LEVEL THAN YOU ON TATSU AND THAT DAY I WILL BECOME SUPERIOR

13:  name three things you remember they really liked!

lolol, lolol & lolol

14:  have you drawn any art/written any fics of you and them? if you haven't, do you have a favorite from someone else?

...does the vore fanfic count

15:  just talk about them a little, say anything you want!

YOOSUNG GOOD BOY. yoosung. goosung. haha. goo. um. idk man ur a good person and i love u a lot?? ur very important to me, both then & now & im glad we met!!

now time for ripple! again mostly 3rd person bc uhh cool story time

1:  what's your favorite memory of them?

one time after the selection test but before frederica arrived we were testing out the limits of our magical skills together, and i was throwing my shuriken at targets & slowly like, aiming for things further away. i knew theyd all hit so i was mostly just doing it to entertain snow. and every single fucking time i hit my target she clapped?? it was so sweet & kinda funny tbh

2:  what was your relationship like in canon?

'i've only had snow white for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her, i would kill everyone in this room and then myself’, basically

3:  post/link to your favorite picture of them!

these 3!!! (taken from my twitter dhgsj)

4:  have you found them? if you haven't, what's something you'd like to do with them when you do?

*points in makos direction again* again no confirmed canonmates but as u can see mako is all the good kins

5:  talk about something they did that meant a lot to you.

everything lmao. she always wanted to do the right thing, even after everything that had happened, she never stopped wanting to help people. i mean, it made me so fucking scared for her bc i knew shed get herself killed one day, but damn if her dedication to saving people wasn’t impressive

6:  do you have a favorite outfit they wore? (post a pic if you want!)

i mean i only ever really saw her in her magical girl outfit, so i guess that? it was a pretty good outfit though!!

7:  do you have any songs that remind you of them, or of you and them together?

i have an entire mix about our friendship gdhjsf so yes i have Many songs that remind me of us, the biggest one is shattered and hollow by first aid kit!

8:  do you have a favorite scene from your canon that they're in?

i do!! at the beginning of queens, her argument with uluru means a lot to me. not just the parts about me, but when she tells uluru not to put her on a pedestal i just-- i know she was breaking down when she said that, and im sorry for her, but im proud of her for finally saying that. everyone put way too much on her shoulders but at the end of the day she was just a kid

9:  talk about a really silly memory of them!

she talked me into watching cutie healer with her one time. we went to my apartment to watch it, and it wouldve just been normal, except snow... couldnt shut up. she just kept spoiling what was about to happen. then she’d realise she’d spoiled it, apologise, and then continue to spoil it. i couldnt even get annoyed it was just too funny

10:  talk about a really sad memory of them...

yikes um. the whole of the sachiko thing

11:  has your opinion of them changed from your canon to now?

not at all. i still think of her exactly as i did then, and still get upset when i think about how much fuckign danger she’s putting herself in?? like god damn snow white can you be selfish for one moment p l e a s e you dont need to keep putting yourself in danger like this??

12:  you get to say one thing to them- what do you say?

stop blaming yourself for shit and stop putting yourself in danger, please!! you deserve to be happy

13:  name three things you remember they really liked!

magical girls, animals and sweet foods in general. she really had the likes of a kid fdhj

14:  have you drawn any art/written any fics of you and them? if you haven't, do you have a favorite from someone else?

i have drawn some stuff of snow but i think mostly just memes?

15:  just talk about them a little, say anything you want!

i love snow white so much. she was so important to me and she still is! she was so kind and supportive and ik i saw it as my responsibility to protect her, but damn was she protective too. im so proud of everything she accomplished & im pissed at the universe for consistently taking her friends away from her. let the damn girl be happy for longer than 5 minutes??

[starhoodies]

My trip to the KH World Tour Orchestra!

(I took these two with me LOL)

Hi guys! Whew today was a long day for me! Emotions are still raw, but I have so much I wanted to share from this concert! I have a few photos and I wanted to tell you guys all about the music, visuals, merch, seeing Shimomura and Nomura on stage, ect!

So the drive to LA was full of traffic and the theater's parking was a nightmare to navigate through but oh my god it was so worth it to be there. 

I grew up with Kingdom Hearts but I was too young to be apart of the times where cosplayers were super frequent and hype was ramped up as much as it was mid-2000s, so it was so amazing to finally be in a room...full of KH fans for once. 

Once I was in the lobby for the showing, I was able to get my hands on some merch just 10 minutes before the thing started! LOL They had CD’s (they were sold out when I asked ahhh TvT), Kingdom Keyblade conductor batons, shirts, show guides and ticket pouches.

This is what I got! All of it coming to about $130 LOL 

I’ve got some (pretty bad) shots of the guide if ya’ll were interested! There’s interviews as well as character bios and snippets from all the games. Helps to get caught up if you’ve missed a game OR all of them if you’re like my mother.

So once we got settled into our seats (Mum and I were at the back of the pit! So we were right near the show!) I didn’t take anymore than this because it’s against policy and I didn’t want to be rude. (That didn’t stop a dude behind me from flashing a pic during Xion’s theme though smh) I got one quick while they were warming up with character themes.

 The show started up with The orchestrated version of Hikari along with the DDD opening and let me tell you I was a ball of shaking and crying tears. My poor mother held onto my arm the entire time. Once I saw Sora burst through that book page I was done for. 

You can follow along the soundtrack in which order they played everything in on youtube so I won’t get into what was played, but during Dearly Beloved we got to have a little speech from Kairi! (Japanese VA with subs) It was set up as a kind of letter to Sora letting him know about her training. (I’m pretty sure a lot of people are aware of what she says but I’ll mention here just in case!)

 She mentions the usual kairi things about missing him and how how he should always remember to keep at his cheerful self. She mentions how Lea won’t stop apologizing to her even after forgiving him and that how it’s hard not to like him what with finding out he has a best friend he wishes to be reunited with. She says she catches him staring at her sometimes and when she asks why, he can’t explain it, but feels as though he should remember something (HHHHHHH)

We have something similar from Xion about thanking her friends for being there for her and introducing her to all these new things. She specifically thanks Roxas for saying her name, because she started feeling as though she had a heart from then on. My creys. (It was at this point my mom was like “why does the red head girl keep changing her hair color LOLOL)

There was a few scenes from the Japanese dub that were showed like, the Ventus’s “as my friends, please put an end to me” and Roxas’s “Guess my summer vacation’s over” scene. Aqua has the little bit where she’s wanting to wake Ven up and how he and Terra are her strength to keep going. 

The character songs were so much fun to watch clip shows to. The Lazy Afternoons and At Dusk, I will think of you reaaaaally got me emotional from the transition to the twilight town trio + roxas to Axel, Xion and Roxas. HOOO BOY.

Destati was gorgeous, The final boss theme KILLED, My mother loved twinkle twinkle holidays, and The other promise brings a tear to my eye as always.

I was so emotionally drained after the first half I couldnt get up to get a drink during intermission. And afterwards they showed the new trailer!! :DDD Everyone went N U T S my dude. There was so much OOOing and AAHing it was so good.

I was pleasantly surprised on how the show felt centered on the kh gals most of the time? Of course Sora and Roxas were the stars of this thing, but they used every cutscene of kairi that like existed, and despite that not being... a lot, it felt nice having her in the spotlight for a bit. (It was a lot of her doing love interest things sadly, but like seeing her just exist was a breath of fresh air)

My only personal con is a super petty super nitpicky “could use more riku” not because he missed out on any screen time, he had a good amount, it’s just I don’t recall  him getting a lot of time for himself which surprised me, but it wasn’t even that noticeable. It seems everyone had time to say a bit but him. Which is super odd considering he’s Riku LOL (I don’t recall Namine or Lea getting to say anything either. BUT HEY KID YOU’RE SPOILED ROTTEN ANYWAYS. YOU HAD UR CHARACTER SONG AND YOU GOT TO WALK OFF INTO THE SYMBOLIC III OF LIGHT WITH UR BUD AT THE END YOU’RE FINE.

Yoko Shimomura came off and on quite often actually! She was so precious! She kept thanking everyone for coming and everyone cheered so loudly for her. She first showed up saying: “Thank you everyone for making this possible” and then her translator showed up and Yoko just said “Um...I speak Japanese” and laughed as she continued in her native language while her translator...translated. 

At the end of the show she actually played the ending credit theme for us! ( THE CONDUCTOR SHOWS UP WITH THE KEYBLADE BATON AND USES IT TO CONDUCT IT WAS SO CUTE.)And thanked us for coming again.

AND THEN. Yoko continued with here concluding statement with “We have a very special guest for all of you.” AND RIGHT FROM LEFT STAGE COMES A SMOL, SUPER CASUAL, TETSUYA NOMURA. EVERYONE LOST IT EXCEPT FOR MY MOM WHO WAS LIKE “????” 

THIS TINY SASSY MAN WAS LIKE “Well you know I was here yesterday. And that the trailer came out yesterday...so I really don’t have much to say.” 

He starts talking about how he and Yoko will return next month (d23??) for “THE FINAL INFORMATION” as the translator put it.(I’m thinking III release date?) He and Yoko bicker and banter in rapid japanese and the poor translator could barely keep up. “LA was where me and Yoko started working together. It’s good to be here.” He says. Yoko laughs and states that “ahhh yes five years...or twenty years ago?? I like to think I’m still young.”

AND...tbh I was so SPENT I don’t remember much after that. They said their thank yous again and we were on our way. Honestly, I was melancholy it was over. I didn’t want to leave. I want to ingrain this into my memory forever.

My mom said afterwards that she had no idea what was going on but she wasn’t bored for a second. Haha!

Ahh, I guess I’ll have to try and get to D23 now! Let me know if ya’ll thinking about going too! I’m sorry my pics of the guide weren’t great LOL my phone’s awful.