#i couldnt find much to work from
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nerd-who-likes-cats · 5 months ago
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Bazza Tsum!
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Bazza belongs to @marigoldendragon!
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Bazza is the fourth OC tsum to join our team! I present to you a kangaroo bean ❤️ (story under cut)
The spectacular light show of the portal opening, stopped the game in its tracks. Much to Bazza's indignance. He followed his teammates gaze to see what the hell this was all about.
A large portal had opened above the ramshackle dorm, and little ball-sized things were falling from it. He watched one land delicately on a windowsill of the castle.
One of the things, was falling in the direction of the feild, and with the game on hold, Bazza took the chance to run and catch it. He leapt forward snagging the thing out of the air, only for it to punch him square in the jaw. He wrestled with whatever this thing was until finally it escaped his grasp, and stood a short distance from him.
"You're tougher than you look little guy, what's your fucking problem eh?"
The creature squeaked, glaring at him with deep brown eyes. It's ears and tail were quite familiar to the kangaroo beastman.
"Well come on, have at it!. I'm not afraid of a critter the size of a football"
The tsum launched itself at him, it was incredibly impressive how well it fought given its size and shape. Bazza's team members circled around to watch, none daring to get in between the two.
Finally, Bazza pinned his tsum lookalike as a teammate called out "There's a message from the headmage! You've gotta bring the tsum to his office"
"Tsum?" That moment of distraction was all it took, the tsum wriggled out and suddenly grew in size, now towering over Bazza.
"What in fuckin' hell?"
It would take them a while to meet up with the others.
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago
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(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)
#polls#tumblr polls#For me I think the top ones would be the House. The Money. or the Friend Group. But I ultimately might would go for the house#JUST becuase it would be my Dream House which means it would already meet mostly all of my specifications#and what I might be looking for. which would save a lot of time searching or customizing/rennovating.#Also because I could use that as a way to leave the US lol.. like .. if I get to choose my dream location.. couldnt I just choose some othe#country?? But I wonder how that works. Can you legally 100% have full ownership of a property in a country yet not be a citizen of that#country?? Would you show up and be like 'erm.. i own this house.. so i shall now live in it' and theyd be like 'uh no. you cant live here#despite owning the house. leave.' ??#So I think the initial process of 1. scraping together funds to actually MOVE myself and my most valuable belongings physically#TO another country. and 2. figuring out how to STAY in that country . might end up being difficult.. BUT. if I could just work that#part of things out then.. dream house?? security for once in my life?? stability?? :0#Though the $1mil is enticing it's also like.. I feel .. with the way housing prices are now... that's not much???#it's a lot I guess if you plan on like.. investing half the money and staying in an apartment for 5 years while you grow your wealth#or something. but if you're a 'I Need Stability NOW' ready to settle down person who would be most interested in owning a property rather#than nice clothes or a car or whatever other investments you could make then.. eh..?? It seems like unless you're okay with living in#a small town or kind of far away from the city - even some SMALL houses in majorly populated areas in the US will be like#$600.000 - $900.000 or something. like that would be MOST of my money. Which I know you could just pay partially and make#payments on it but idk.. in the option of just outright owning the house it seems like it'd end up being cheaper.#Plus I would want to own it fully asap because I'd be afraid of losing it somehow otherwise. like it being taken for medical bills or#something. which I thought was supposed to be - not IMPOSSIBLE - slightly more complicated legally if you actually have#paid off the house in full. I guess the issue then would be utilities and property tax and such. But I feel like thats overcome-able??#Like I could just stipulate that my Dream House has a little furnished addition or something and then find someone#with money and be like 'Look you can live in this extremely nice area with amazing ameneties and updated everything and ALL you have#to do is give me money to cover the utilities and property tax.'' or something like that. Like the little furnished addition is nicer#than the actual house. they have their own pool and spa and movie room or something and Ill also cook all their meals for them#or whatever (how luxurious it would be depeneds on how high the property tax actually is/how much I would need to entice them into#why it's a good deal for them to pay it for me lol). idk... something like that.. ANYWAY#I asked a few people I know though and one of them answered they'd rather have a romantic partner. the other one said they'd like#to be able to choose someone to die lol.. So I'm curious what people value the most
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buttercatrho · 6 months ago
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something something shizukas expressions never facing up like leas does shows how the events she had to experience and live under changed her to be a more closed and defensive person even when expressing emotions that should portray superiority (eg smug) something something
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artieculate · 1 year ago
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thinking about early seasons joymac... specifically in Dennis and Dee get a new dad... they're stupid idiot best friends
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look at those freaks ^^^
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bokudara5777 · 3 months ago
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im a bit too embarrassed to post these on my ig story for some reason, so ill post it here for now;;
#bkdgart#toji#sukuna#tjkn#runaway tjkn au#tojikuna#when i wrote the blurbs for the au i was playing around with their ages but i still have no clue how old theyd be#cus i wanted toji to be younger than 16 for max angst (cant legally do shit for megs or himself)#hes also younger than sukuna who has choso and yuuji as brothers#choso is tojis age whatever that is#yuuji is megs age. originally he was gonna be 5 but i might bump them up to 7??? idfk#Sukuna's like 2+ yrs older than toji and works at a small froed food stall wasuke owns on the pier#he also has a main restaurant but he has actual employees there. suks has worked at the poer location for like 5 yrs or smth#kuna p much raises cho n yuuji cus gramps is sick n stubborn. yk the usual.#im thinking of making stsg regukars at sukunas stall maybe?? and toji keeps FAR away from them bc hes p sure he recognizes gojo from#a family get together. Toji has Issues ofc bc im an asshole that puts my blorbos through hell. he took megs n ran from the zenins abuse#was planning on leaving by himself but he rly couldnt do that to megs. megs wasnt treated like shit#but toji was afraid they would after he left. megumi was kinda just neglected for the most part. so toji took him and is tryna wait out#the system so he can work without the zenins coming after him/them.#he meets newbie cop shiu a few days in and thats how he finds out about the boardwalk n he fixes up a lil spot with driftwood n other shit#hes doing his best not to steal shit and sukuna who works at the pier and is bored out of his fucking mind notices the pair disappear under#the boardwalk every day. recognizes the bags they carry as some hed thrown out n hes like hm. he starts leaving more stuff in the dumpsters#blankets n notebooks n stuff. he hopes they find em. no sign of it. one day they're late enough coming back that he's just finished closing#shop when they're headed back so sukuna approaches them. AND THE REST IS HISTORY LOL nah the rest is in my docs n stewing for when i edit it#phew
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xxplastic-cubexx · 4 months ago
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Thank you for making that cherik edit of "Marvel's Squirrel Girl: The Unbeatable Radio Show!" especially with the subtitles!!! Made it so much easier for me, who has a really hard time understanding audios without subtitles or transcripts, so thank youuu!!!
Also, Idk if you know that new edit trend of using the song "would you love me" from epic the musical to portray like people falling in love with each other across multiple universes. But anyway, your tags in that post about a podcast not being safe from cherik made me think of that edit trend. I realize that's literally so cherik coded
I went and looked for an example of the trend:
https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS6a3MYN4/
https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS6a3QVjN/
YAAAAY i'm so happy you enjoyed !! i wanted to make subtitles with that specific purpose in mind so i'm so glad someone got use out of it (i know i had to repeat some bits a couple of times because /i/ wasnt exactly sure what was said during my first couple listens, so i figured other people might not be able to hear some portions well either) :]]] !!!!
but vjALJAKLJKLJERA that's so funny ........ and true ...... even in a podcast universe they'll find a way to be wedded and divorced and remarried 🥺💀💀 they're inevitable ...
Tiktok 1
Tiktok 2
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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago
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I'm so heavily anti-advertising that all pitches sound goofy silly to me/I can never take them seriously, so I have no idea how I'll manage to to advertise my game even if I do finally finish it soon-ish lol...
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#Especially how so much modern media advertising is like... getting people excited about random tropes and stuff like#''Do you love enemies to lovers? Do you love sad stories that make you do a heckin CRY? Do you love big stupid dumbo muffin cake#sinnamon roll babies who are too good for this world? Have you ever wanted to read a blah blach blah" whatever stuff and it's like#... i cannot type that... I couldnt do it.. I couldn't even think of how to do it ghbjhbjh#I am such a literal person... Like I love when an advertisement is just like 'This product works well. Look at it. Buy it if you want. Ok'#You know what makes me want to read a book or watch a show or play a game? Reading a detailed plot synopsis or the full wiki page#for it and then deciding 'yeah I wouldnt mind sitting through seeing the events I just read about happen in more detail' lol#OR aesthetics. since I do often watch things JUST for the set/costume design. Sometimes I will watch stuff literally#just because I saw a picture of a costume in it that looked really cool and I want to sketch costume looks whilst watching#But aside from appearance like... little bullet point break downs of things that are in a story just ... do not do anything to me at all.#And i just hate 'selling' things to begin with. I don't want to have to convince people to like something.. they should just... like it...#LOL.. like.. just be born liking it. just like it automatically please. Dont make me beg to you like a weird little freak. So many commerci#als seem weirdly desperate and manipulative. Like those Truck/Car commercials that will have like a freaking dog crying and#a war vet in a wheelchair with the american flag in the background and a family hugging around a christmas tree or some shint and its#just like oh my GODDD... shut UPP.. you could literally not be MORE blantant about just trying to prey on peoples emotions to build#some sort of fabricated positive association with your product/brand.. begone.. Or brands having their own twitters where they post#~~relatable content~~ as a means of shallow audience endearment GGGRR..... ANYWAY.. hhrgh...................#Maybe that's something I can ask playtesters I guess like.. I feel like I don't know my own audience very well because I am not#much of a media person?? ironically.. Like I do enjoy MAKING media. But I've never been in a fandom. I've never read fanfiction. I've never#spent much time in those spaces. I've just never really had the inclination and don't personally derive much joy out of stuff like that#(since I'm already so focused on my OWN world and projects its like.. hard for me to even find the time and mental energy to expend on#others). Even when I finish a movie or game and really like it.. I just kind of like...move on? and don't really dwell on it much? At most#I will get into the worldbuilding of a piece of media and read the wiki for a while or watch Lore info or critical analysis videos. But I#never really care for or attach to the characters or the plot itself very much. So I feel like.. the way my brain works. I'm just not as#good at approaching things from that angle? Kind of like how if you're a lifelong vegetarian whos never eaten meat - you might#struggle to write an ad for fancy brand of steaks bc you'd be like... idk what meat eaters are even looking for? whats the selling point??#Which I'm not saying that I wouldn't play my own game. i AM definitely the audience for it. But it's more like.. I would play it for my own#very niche specific reasons that I think are different from what MOST people might want to play it for. So I need to somehow#tap into the minds of the Majority who play things for Normal Reasons than pure lore collection or whatever lol.
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themyscirah · 1 year ago
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But look at us Luke, we're the ones left alone, holding some rich monster's pain. All of existence, built on his violence. All of space-time, humming to life with a single inviolate rule. Give the hero something to punch.
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veatomis · 2 months ago
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It's. Kind of insane how the datamined gondola/epilogue scene let me have a clearer idea on how lucanis would be post game but it also made me realize how much he and elio just don't belong together... I know that the reason why he's like that with both a romanced and just a friendly rook is not necessarily because it's in character or anything like that but rather how bad production for this game was and how little everyone cared abt rook themselves but god. the way most lines lucanis has interacting with rook are him acting annoyed abt them being there one way or another just doesn't sit right with me. It's kind of yet another bellara situation... you have the protag support these characters thru their absolute worst and they still end up acting like they dgaf ESP compared to the other games where it does feel like there's a real connection between companion and protag
#and maybe i shot myself in the foot by making a little guy who's kind and earnest instead of someone who has more bite#and would be able to withstand all of this but god. i wanted another fenhawke situation where a jaded mostly lonely guy#learns how to let himself be loved and how to hope for better things thanks to a protag who is less dark overall#AND the romance acts accordingly to that... like fenris is very self aware of how hes pushed hawke away and how its affected them#but he also ends up admitting how hard it was for him to do that and how much he regrets it. lucanis... doesnt.#and i know i could make it good and compelling. i know i could fix the lucanis romance if i really wanted to#but that would veer so much into making him like a full on oc and its just. if the devs didnt care abt making sure the protag#stood strong as a character within their own right and had deep connections with the companions. why should I care abt THEIR characters#now that i've fleshed out my own oc????#like i ripped into bg3 a lot for how disconnected tav felt from the entire game AND YET when i finished the game i could 100% say#that my tav's best friends where laezel and shadowheart and that astarion did def love him. i couldnt do that with dav.#also um. sorry this is the way most of u find out i've pretty much given up on the lucanis romance?? </3#thanks to the mutuals who tried to help me make it work but sigh. the more i think abt it the less i like it and the more#i just. miss fenris instead... but hey. if ur an elio fan now his possibilities of staying alive have gone WAAAYY up and#he still is getting a crow bf courtesy of my bff socks @fenrisisms <3
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redbean-nom · 1 year ago
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redesign of the Vespa Kids from book of boba fett
thoughts & closeups under cut
so i tried to keep their general appearances/colors intact while adding some actual personality (because i think the main problem with the original designs is that they feel like extras, not side characters).
Red: Zabrak orphan who grew up on Tatooine. 18 years old, was a member of the local insurgent group around the end of the empire era. Has a combo blaster/interrogation droid arm. Speeder is a repurposed version of Maul's speeder from phantom menace.
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Blue: Human raised in the non-Tatooine parts of the Outer Rim. 23 years old, known assassin who worked for Jabba. Uses a scavenged magnaguard-type electrostaff. Has basically a version of the mandalorian helmet visors built into his face. Speeder is an abandoned scout trooper speeder.
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Yellow: Tusken orphan from the clans around the podrace area. 19 years old, became a bounty hunter after his tribe (and bantha) were killed by the Pikes to expand spice routes. Has a Vader-style chest panel and rocket feet. Speeder is a custom pod attached to one of Sebulba's engines, with attached rancor teeth and horns from his late bantha.
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Green: Human who grew up on Coruscant, but family fled the Empire to Tatooine around A New Hope. 21 years old, originally worked as a local enforcer for various Hutts. Has super battle droid arm & leg attachments. Speeder is stolen from local nikto gang.
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original designs for reference:
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#star wars#bobf#tbobf#book of boba fett#redbean art#vespa kids#i tried to keep at least one original design element completely intact for each of them#so Red has the same hair and similar vest#Blue has the grey slacks and similar shirt#Yellow changed a bit more because i couldnt find a full reference for yellow or green but he still has the grey jacket with orange shoulder#and Green kept the green ombre hair#the podracer speeder is mostly because i wish they had more salvaged podracer part stuff#like. those things crash a LOT. obviously local people are going to pick up whatever still works#Yellow definitely has the most distinct speeder silhouette#and Greens cybernetics turned out well#the original design for her looked a little too star trekky so i just gave her a flightsuit#but yeah part of the problem is that they originally looked too clean#not just shiny but also no scratches or dents or scorch marks#so for this i was going for something like the esb boba armor#and design wise something like krayts claw but dustier#so funny how pretty much everyone from tatooine tries to leave as soon as possible because its dry and sandy and full of criminals)#but then boba (career criminal who grew up on kamino) goes to tatooine once and is like I LIVE HERE NOW#also they originally didnt really have clear motives?#so for my redesigns Red is kind of ezra-like and sees bobas crime gang as sort of family (the rancor is their dog)#Blue is there because boba (and fennec) are famous and hes hoping to get recognized as an established assassin#Yellow respects boba's tusken family and wants revenge on the pikes#Green is there because she's getting paid
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dyqo · 3 months ago
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while japanese isn’t specifically a tonal language pitch does come into play in a lot of words and can be important (but not entirely necessary) in differentiating homonyms. For the most part i think its pretty intuitive but it definitely still trips me up at times. But i couldn’t explain how it works specifically if u payed me
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leori-the-unlearned · 4 months ago
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the way digimon does conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: chef’s kiss <3
the way sonic idw handles creating conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: *wilting flower*
#keyword: adding#in digimon conflicts come about as a result of independent viewpoint differences#ie takuya vs kouji. taichi vs yamato#or (since i just watched 02:the beginning) lui and ukkomon’s conflict is SO GOOD#it BUILDS to something. lui and ukkomon’s disagreement builds up to: they need to communicate. they both come from a good-faith angle#ukkomon so desperately wanted to make lui happy and failed to look closer to see what WOULD - and lui didn’t know how to express#what he actually wanted to ukkomon. or try to reach out to ukkomon in turn instead of basking in his life finally going ‘right’#but then not as much in idw gives me that good feeling of ‘ahhh they built to this and it is so nice’#or when conflict is created it isn’t because despite best efforts people clash and have to work together#it’s when someone does a stupid and someone else has to pick it up#it means a lot when you see kouji driven to press takuya to the wall and see them shout at each other#because they both have to realize that with words they will never convince the other of their viewpoint.#even though they both think the way the other looks at things will get the group killed#and of course it makes sense that the group would follow takuya. he’s their heart. their core#takuya’s the reason tomoki stayed in the digital world and junpei and izumi find confidence being there because he’s there rallying them#and in this case that good trait winds up being wrong. he gets everyone captured by the enemy and thinks theyre all better off if he wasn’t#part of the group from the start. but THAT isn’t true either - he just needs a BALANCE of his excellent helpful determination and willpower#and seeing things as they are and not as he believes them to be - more like kouji#he WAS wrong but not for HAVING the traits he had - for leaning too much on them#or (also going to a media im currently engaging in) sundered star. things go bad between people a LOT but it’s not frustrating.#it’s SATISFYING/ENGAGING seeing feferi leave eridan and watching eridan go insane and give in to the horrorterrors. of course it couldnt-#-go any other way for them. eridan wouldnt change until he realized he could lose feferi and feferi wouldnt bring him any real consequences#-to make him consider that until she was leaving and would never come back. and it was never her fault that leaving eridan lead to-#-catastrophe and devastation. it just happened as a consequence anyway#anyways i guess. if i see the characters do their best and things still fall apart it’s better than#seeing an idiot plot or characters written to be worse than they were to make conflict happen#with takuya he wasn’t suddenly bad or misjudging everything. he just didnt have to deal with negative consequences for misjudging before-#-because they hadnt met someone like duskmon that they COULDNT eventually beat before. even gigasmon who wrecked them all at first-#-was beaten once they had beast spirits and were on equal footing. so takuya assumes the same for duskmon without realizing that#they arent on the same level. so the issue didnt come from nowhere - it just comes to a head now
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skyburger · 1 year ago
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WHAT THE HELL NOBODY EVER TOLD ME TWO OF MY FAVE VILLAGERS GOT A LINE STICKER TOGETHER. ive loved tabby for YEARS like since 2019 at LEAST. and these stickers are from 2018 how did i not know !!! i love tabby and boots so much 😭😭😭 TABBY AND BOOTS ANIMAL CROSSING I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHH OOMFS FOREVER AND EVER
#im so happy any official content of tabby is awesome shes my fave i looooove her so much SHES SO SILLY!!!#and boots was one of my starting residents on acnh so he holds a special place in my heart#in case anyone was wondering which im sure you were not. my other starting villager on acnh was rocket and shes soooo silly i love rocket#not enough people love her like shes so silly. u are all HATERS#anyway i love talking about my acnh villagers I WISH I HAD MY ACNL ONES WRITTEN DOWN. the only ones i remember are tabby and kyle#but my acnh ones atm (and when i say atm i mean they will be probably til the end of time)#are my guy sherb (found on one of the ticket islands)#stiches (who i also found on an island i think?)#chai (i have her amiibo card shes so cute.)#tammi (another island find)#stella (man i really did just take the first villagers i found on an island and kept them huh)#rocket and boots (starter villagers)#tabby (I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TRADE HER TO ME ON REDDIT I THINK? and then they were like oh if shes ur fave u can just have her +#like for free. AND THAT WAS SOOOO AWESOME)#bea (i think she was also a ticket island thingy find)#and finally... tom (ok he has a fun story.#i think it was margie who lived on my island at the time and listen she was SUCH a sweetheart i wanted to keep her forever#(she replaced drift who i found on an island and he was mean to me so i have beef with him. still. like four years later.)#but them tom showed up as a camper and i got this crazy hit of nostalgia and i remembered my guy tom was in my childhood city folk town#and i was like. I MISS MY BOY. COME BACK TO ME. so he moved in)#umm only other villager we had was chadder which i think my little brother picked when we shared the island#i think i remember him saying he got chadder because of dantdm...? i dont remember the details#but i got the sanrio amiibo cards which i need to stress i had wanted for YEARS. i was so fucking happy when they got a rerelease#to the point where like. i couldnt get them at first because they sold out super fast. so#i bought them from someone in twitter dms im so serious. and it fucking worked thats how i got them#anyway i wanted chai to move in because shes my fave of that set (i love cinnamoroll) but i needed someone to move out#which i always get so sad about :( but my brother offered to take chadder so i felt a little better abt it#and then i think we forgot to like. have him come get chadder in boxes. so chadder went off somewhere hope hes living a good life#thats it i think. i wish i kept a list of all my villagers ever but considering ive been playing for a decade or so now that would be. crazy#muffin mumbles
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thecedarchronicle · 6 months ago
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i have had maybe one of top three worst weeks of this whole year and i got through it and i am so proud of myself :)
#like first of all: scummy landlord doing scummy landlord things#then my roommate gets ringworm and we all end up getting it#i got it all over my face which was HELL.#(right at the corner of my eye too!!)#then i find out a mouse was in my room with me for almost a week#so while dealing with ringworm i have to try and catch a mouse while im sleeping in my roommates room#then i had to make food for a thanksgiving potluck my friend was hosting#and then couldnt even go bc i was so u comfy from the ringworm :(#on top of all this!! i just got promoted at work#and i work in a restaurant. and its sports + thanksgiving season#and a promotion means a harder (but much better paying!) position#so i was working my ass off during a busy season !!#and we caught the mouse + released it#and im a massive germaphobe and i had to deep clean my WHOLE room and sanitize and clear out EVERYTHING#after already having an awful and stressful and restless week#and now. i am sitting in my bed again. in my room that smells like chemical cleaner but not mouse anymore. most of my ringworm is gone#i still have some stuff to clean and sanitize#so its not over yet#but the worst part is#and i am very proud of myself for making it through it :)#vent post#tw infection#tw mice#omg and i forgot!#my car almost broke down two weeks ago so i had to take it to a mechanic while i was dealing with all of this#and at the start of the hell week i thought it was going to die and i would have to try and find a new one#luckily it ended up fine! but it was extra stress i did not need#like all at once too#grahh
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hpdfag · 6 months ago
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i need to ramble hold on. spawns in a cut so that people dont get blasted by unfiltered posting on their dash. i feel the need to disclaim that im only like 50% lucid right now so this might be disorganized or complete word salad i can't really tell right now
i love him so much it feels like it's consuming me from the inside out. i don't want to do anything that isn't for him. the only reason i haven't quit my job is because i want to make him proud of me. even playing games makes me guilty, because i know it's not with him. i married harvey in stardew. i ate the stardrop for getting 12 hearts as i kissed him. the taste reminded me of hinata. it's a strange irony.
this false body feels like it's trapping me, keeping me from achieving my true metamorphosis. there are streetlights glimmering in the distance. as i try to move towards them they always fade away. the morning will come in 7 hours and 43 minutes and the sun will rise and it won't blind me awake. i'm not reverent enough.
i should pray. not to jesus, not to any other false prophet. i should pray to Him. maybe that will bring me salvation? maybe that will free me from this hell? maybe it happened because i was unworthy of being one of his trusted apostles. if i was as holy as he was it would have been different, i would still have been beneath him but i would have served my divine purpose as his servant.
but that's not important. i dont think. im jor sure. i hate it. i hate Him. i feel like i should Worship him. there's a certain something i still havent fixed a glitch in my code i need ocean breeze summer sun beach sand shining brilliance he's perfect i need him i need warm sun and dry land i need to be with him on the floor i need to hold him i need need need need need need need.
more than air more than food more than clean clothes more than water more than anything else more than i need this terrible mortal life i need to become worthy for him of his love of his care of his touch i wont deny that i selfishly want him to hold me and touch me even though im unworthy even though im no more than dirt beneath him i desire him so deeply
#... servant's song ♪#🍊 ☆ beloved .ᐟ#i find that when im speaking more like... me. i use much more periods and much less exclamation points.#i wonder sometimes if i absorbed stanley at least in part. he very rarely fronts anymore and he talks like “me.”#but that's always how he spoke. before i came back in full. we never fully let go of being me but there was a period of time last year#from december of 2022 to at least november of last year#that i wasnt hosting. which was strange to say the least. it was stanley‚ and then jules. i think our body just couldnt take it anymore#but jules especially inherited all of the worst parts of me. the panic attacks. the delusional episodes. the delirium#he nearly wandered into the road once because he thought elim was calling him back home‚ that he needed to return to cardassia#slowly i came back. his similarities certainly helped me re-assert myself much more seamlessly.#it's almost like i never left. i don't know how to describe it. it's odd.#i feel almost like a parasite. like i'm not living a life that was built for me.#even though i've done all of the work. even though this world was quite literally built for me. even though it speaks to me through the cod#recently‚ the universe has been telling me about my future. and about storms‚ big ones that i'm in the center of.#it worries me. am i just in the eye of a hurricane? where i am i'm still dry. is that only temporary? another storm is coming#im on the end of the 6th loop of the roller coaster. there's another coming up. i worry it'll kill me. i hope i can survive and return home#maybe stanley will re-take the body. or jules. i havent seen him since i returned. even his source can't front trigger him anymore.#maybe he returned to his home. i hope he has. i hope his life on cardassia is beautiful despite all the terror#i see myself in him. i hope i can follow his example. return to my destroyed home and work to build a better future. l#hinata always talked about building the future. he knew there was a path we could carve out for ourselves. i#i want to do the same for myself. here. i want to carve a way back home.#simulated daydreams#<- i think#that tag started as a tag to scream about our ex when we were sobering up but its much more catchall nowadays
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phagodyke · 6 months ago
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tried putting on my radiator for the first time this winter (we've had snow this week.... its focking cold) but it trips the fusebox for the entire flat lmfao. I'm fuuuucked 😐
#all the other radiators work fine its just mine :'(((#and bc its thw weekend they wont come out to fix it until monday at least so thats great#its fine i havent needed it on this week so far and i have layers and a hot water bottle so ill be fine but i did cry abt it a bit#but not so much abt the radiator just a lot on my mind.. i couldnt pick up my prescription after work either bc the secretary left half an#hour early and the very kind nurse who had a look for it anyway couldnt find it and i cant get there any earlier next week bc of work#i know itll be fine ive already sent an email to ask if they can send it to my local pharmacy instead ill get my meds before they run out#but still i cried a bit walking home from the clinic 😢 just been a long week even if not a bad one. and i miss my friend whos moving#he'll be on the plane now.... man. its a bit selfish but im also sad abt it bc he always noticed how i was feeling when i was at the gym#like if i was privately dealing w some shit or just wasnt quite myself he could tell n would find a moment to gently ask or just be there#without probing abt it like man hes so reassuring and kind and has such a big heart. before he left he asked me to look out for some of#the quieter ones in our group and make sure they feel included and someones listening to them when he wont be around to anymore#😢💔💔💔💔 and i know i didnt know him long enough to become proper good friends with him but it meant a lot that he looked out for me#like all i really want in this world is to feel seen n safe esp when im having a hard time. and none of my closer friends really do that#and thats okay like its not their fault and they just express their way of caring differently but sometimes i feel so lonely ah....#and also my period is due and im kind of scared of how painful itll be bc the last few have been so bad snd i find loneliness a lot harder#when im in a lot of pain and anyway this is all probably just the pre period hormones making me so tearful so it doesnt matter#its ok made a big bowl of rice so im going to eat that wrapped up cosy in bed with a movie i think. and then sleep#.diaries
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