#i could not resist the urge to ramble about the story‚ i hope it's mildly interesting to read!

[auriidae]

can i ask more info about the ethubs roadtrip au? it looks so fun and silly! also love your artstyle, its so squishable

HECK YEAH YOU CAN! and thank you so much aww :D i appreciate it!

ethubs roadtrip au is a story that exists mainly in my head atm !! i know i make it look silly with the doodles but it’s supposed to have a healthy mix of silliness as well as serious-ish stuff :’) in short, the plot follows bdubs n etho running from the same Thing From Their Past while. not realizing that the other is doing the exact same thing LOL. shenanigans as well as heartbreak ensue!

a more detailed summary of the hypothetical story, if anyone’s down for that, is like. bdubs n etho have been living together in etho’s apartment since bdubs Quite Literally crashed there a few months ago. modern day-ish setting, and ethubs r old friends from the same town/whatevs ✌️ one day the guys they’ve been running from show up! and ethubs simultaneously Flip The Freak Out while Trying Not to Look Like They Are Flipping The Freak Out. etho suggests a spur-of-the-moment road trip and bdubs goes Oh Haha Etho You’re So Smart And Cool And Have The Best Ideas so they pack up their things and book it. after that it’s lots of open road. nonsensical conversations after hours on the highway to keep each other sane. hushed phone calls at rest stops they try not to let the other hear. getting into hotels past midnight and sharing a bed in the few hours between then and morning ETC ETC ETC you see what i mean by ‘healthy mix of silliness and attempted real character studies’ pff. anyways i'm not getting into it all here because this post is already too long, but yeah it’s a whole! story!

i’m not sure if i’ll do anything with it (longform fic-wise, i mean) because i’m worried that the characterization is a liiittle self-indulgent lol. but it’s so cool to hear that other people r interested in the idea! so maybe i might?

[dreamcatcherfication]

If You Knew Me, Would You Still Love Me?

Ooooh man this was an angsty one. Anon requested “You deserve so much better” with angsty Parr and Howard, and boy did I deliver. I hope you all like this one, I really enjoyed writing it! Sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors, I was up until 3AM last night screaming about how gay I am for Courtney Stapes.

Writing Masterpost

If you want to send a request or a prompt, my inbox is always open! I publish a story at 8:00 AM PST everyday, so I’m always in need of new ideas (now featuring random asks). If you want to be tagged in my works, just let me know and I’ll be sure to tag you!

Prompts | More Prompts | The Trifecta of Prompts | Random Asks

Trigger Warnings: Disassociation, abandonment issues, anxiety

There were times when Cathy Parr didn’t know what to do with herself. There were times when all the fire she felt - all her passion - drained and she was left empty and unfeeling. She never felt the need to tell any of the queens, it usually resolved itself before things got too bad, but there were times when she couldn’t stand to get up and perform to crowds of people, telling a story that haunted her everyday. She had felt her depressive slump coming on the night before, so she notified one of the alternates so they could fill her role.

That left Cathy with an unscheduled offday that she would spend with Kitty. Kitty’s offday had been scheduled weeks in advance, so she already had her own plans for what to do. There was no way Cathy could refuse when Kat came up to her with those puppy dog eyes and asked if she’d join her on her offday escapades. 

The plan was to start at the park, then go to lunch at Nando’s before returning home to cuddle and watch a movie. Kat was so excited for the day, and it made Cathy feel terrible because she could not muster up the same enthusiasm Kat felt. Instead, Cathy had to force the smallest smile to even convince Kitty that she was alright.

Originally it had been Kitty’s idea to walk to the park, but Cathy convinced her it would be easier to drive, especially if they were going to go to a late lunch afterwards. Of course, Kitty agreed, letting Cathy take her to the sunny park. It was a Saturday so lots of people were out and about, walking their dogs or going on jogs. It was a scene straight out of a movie, and Cathy hated every bit of it. The sun was too bright and there were too many people watching her, probably judging for all she knew. “Cathy look!” broke her out of her thoughts. Kitty was pointing at a small white dog running around with its owners.

The owners noticed Kat and smiled, waving her over. Hopefully, Kat turned to face Cathy, silently asking for permission. “Go on,” Cathy encouraged, doing her best to hold in a tired sigh. Without waiting another second, Kat bolted to the couple and started petting their dog, asking all sorts of (mildly) invasive questions.

Watching on for a moment, Cathy blinked but made no movement forward. And then she cursed herself, remembering that she left her phone in the car after entertaining Kat’s rambles. It had completely slipped her mind, the smartphone safely tucked in the side panel out of sight. Groaning softly, Cathy realized she would have to go and get it in case there was any sort of emergency. The queens had learned the hard way more than once the importance of having a phone on hand. 

Chewing the inside of her cheek, Cathy started internally debating. She could leave Kat alone with the nice couple and their dog, and hopefully she wouldn’t even notice Cathy had left. On the other hand, Kat could run off while Cathy wasn’t watching, and they’d have no way of contacting each other (Kat had left her phone at home). Making up her mind, Cathy turned heel and walked back to the queens’ car in search of her phone.

Meanwhile, Kitty hadn’t noticed Cathy’s disappearance as she continued to play with the dog. The nice women were telling her stories about their dog as the Kitty played with it. That was until one of the women got a text message and her face dropped. “Babe, it’s time for us to go.”

Smiling apologetically at Kitty, the other woman said, “Sorry, we have to go. Maybe we’ll see you around sometime.”

“Bye!” Kitty waved as they led the excitable dog out of the park to wherever they had to go. After the couple was out of sight, Kat spun around and called, “Cathy, we can go no-'' she cut herself off, noticing the lack of other reincarnated queens around. “Cathy?” Spinning her head in a circle, Kitty could not catch hide or tail of where Cathy had gone. “Cathy?” Her voice grew louder and panic started to set in.

Sure, Kitty wasn’t lost or anything, but the fear that Cathy had left her all alone was worse than being lost. Being abandoned in the park, Kat couldn’t stop the rush of emotions. It was stupid, she knew, to get so freaked out over something so small, but it felt so much worse than something small. So many times Kat had been abandoned by the people she thought cared about her, and she couldn’t even fathom Cathy doing the same. All alone, she was all alone. All alone, all alone, all alone. 

As for Cathy, she was making her way back into the park, her phone securely nestled in her jacket pocket. Her casual walk was interrupted when she returned to find Kat curled up in a ball under a tree. Furrowing her eyebrows, Cathy felt the first bit of actual emotion start to flit by. Was Kitty okay? Where did the couple go?

Without changing her pace, Cathy came to stand next to the younger queen. “Kitty?”

Glancing up with tears in the corners of her eyes, Kat mumbled out, “Cathy?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” Cathy frowned, still not sure what was wrong with Kat.

There were quite a few emotions that passed over Kat’s face. Surprise, relief, fear, frustration. “You left me!”

Leaning back, Cathy continued to frown. “I went to the car to grab my phone.”

“You left me alone! I thought you abandoned me!” Kitty cried, gaining the attention of a couple passersby.

Noticing that people were starting to look, Cathy’s anxiety set in. “Kat, we’re in public -”

“So? You left me alone in public and said nothing! What was I supposed to think?”

Standing up, Cathy tried to get Kitty up as well. “Look, I don’t think you want to make a scene, so maybe we should go to the car and -”

“No!” Kitty once again cut Cathy off. “No,” she said a little quieter. Even as she was yelling at Cathy, Kat didn’t want to anger her by being too loud. “Cathy, why did you leave? I didn’t know if you were coming back.”

The hint of fear behind Kat’s words broke through Cathy’s unfeeling barrier. “Of course I was coming back,” Cathy whispered. “Why would you ever think I wouldn’t come back for you?”

“Because!” Kat yelped. “Because everyone else has left, so why not you?” Cathy attempted to pull Kat into her arms, but the girl refused. She stood up and glared at the writer. “You wanted to go to the car? Fine, let’s go.” Marching off, Kat headed back in the direction of where Cathy had parked earlier. 

Glancing around at the people who were watching, Cathy wished she was Anne who would be able to tell them to mind their own business. But Cathy wasn’t Anne, so instead she chased after Kat all the way back to the car.

Kitty was sitting in the backseat, her arms crossed as she stared at the ground, subtly wiping tears from her eyes. Sliding in next to her, Cathy resisted the urge to pull Kat into a hug. “Look Kitty, I didn’t mean to leave you alone.”

“You’re just as bad as them,” Kitty spit.

Feeling an icy coldness grip her heart, Cathy stuttered, “W-what?”

“All the others. You’re an emotionless liar. Do you think I didn’t notice how you’ve been acting? You don’t care anymore.”

Biting her lip, a part of Cathy couldn’t help but agree. A lot of the time she did lack the emotions that the others had. She had become numb to everything and stopped understanding the point of feeling. “You deserve so much better.”

When the words sunk in, Kat started to sober up. “What?”

Nodding and moving her eyes to Kitty’s sunken face, Cathy repeated herself. “You deserve so much better than someone like me who doesn’t understand you. I can try as much as I want, but I’ll never be able to see things the way you do.”

The reality of what Kitty had accused the writer of started to reach the girl, and her eyes blew open. “Cathy, I didn’t mean it like that -”

“No, it’s fine,” Cathy said monotonously, shrugging. “I don’t feel things the way you do. I believe they call it,” she clicked her tongue, “dissociation, although sometimes I can’t remember the exact terms.”

Quietly shifting closer to Cathy, the teen asked, “What does that mean?”

“It means,” Cathy sighed, “that sometimes there’s a disconnect between my thoughts and emotions and actions. I’m numb,” she explained, her voice staggered over the different syllables.

“You’re not numb,” Kitty spoke in confusion.

“Yes I am. You even said you noticed it yourself.”

“You’re not numb,” Kitty stated more forcefully. “If you were numb, how would you be so passionate about women’s rights? How would you be able to fight so fiercely to protect Anne when that historian was saying terrible things about her? How would you get up every day and sing about the man you once loved and tell your story to hundreds of people? You’re not numb Cathy. You might feel like you’re emotionless, but I’ve seen you.”

The way Cathy felt her heart beat at Kat’s words was strange. It hurt, yet it felt warm in her chest. “Weren’t you telling me how emotionless I am just a moment ago,” Cathy tried to get rid of the feeling. Even if it felt nice, it was foreign and it scared her. She was used to the peaceful numbness of dissociating, and she would fight to stay that way. Cathy had dug herself into this hole, tricking herself into believing she deserved to feel this way - or rather not feel this way. If disassociation wasn’t the answer, then what was?

“I was frustrated and angry. I tried to get you to hurt. I…” Kitty choked on her words. “I’m sorry Cathy.”

Cathy blinked. “I forgive you.”

“Do you?”

Attempting a light laugh, Cathy forced a smile. “Duh, I’ll always forgive you Kitty-Kat.”

There was still hesitation on Kat’s face. “I wouldn’t forgive me. Please, don’t forgive me because you think it’s what I wanna hear. Forgive me if you really mean it.”

Opening her mouth, Cathy was about to assure Kat she forgave her, but nothing came out. She tried again, but no words were forming. “I…” eventually, Cathy settled with, “I don’t know. I’m not mad at you Kitty, I could never be. But…”

“My words hurt.”

Immediately, Cathy wanted to defend herself. She wanted to wave off Kat’s concern and act like she was fine and the words were meaningless to her. But truthfully… “Yeah, they did.”

The two broke eye contact and focused on different parts of the car. “You know, sometimes I try ‘n turn my emotions off too.”

“Really?” Cathy asked, not quite believing that Kitty, arguably the most emotionally driven of all the queens, attempted to dissociate.

Tapping her fingers on her knees, Kitty hummed in confirmation. “Whenever I try to  - dissociate is what you called it? Whenever I try to dissociate, I always have to stop myself. Because my emotions make me who I am. Without them, what am I?” Cathy didn’t respond, pondering the question herself. “What am I?” Kat pushed again, waiting for a response.

“I don’t know,” Cathy muttered, flexing her fingers in disgust. 

Leaping forward, Kat pulled Cathy into a hug. “You are a talented, amazing, accomplished woman Catherine Parr. And I love you for it.”

For some inexplicable reason, Cathy found herself genuinely chuckling in delight. “I love you too Kat, I love you too.”

“I don’t want to wait for cuddles,” Kat said, pulling Cathy closer. “Can we stay here?”

Patting Kitty’s back, Cathy indulged the girl. “Yeah, yeah we can.”

And it was true. Cathy Parr and Kitty Howard were in no rush to leave anytime soon.

-----------------------------

Tag List:

@annabanana2401

@boleynhowards

[ejzah]

This is a story idea way back when the series first began and when Deeks was first introduced. Could you PLEASE write a story about everyone’s reactions when they learn that Jason Wyler is actually undercover Detective Marty Deeks. It’s always annoyed me we never saw everyone’s reactions and I would also love it if we got a formal introduction too please.

A/N: So...a lot of this ended up being from Kensi’s perspective, but I did get most the team’s reactions in to some degree. I hope this is ok.

***

“This guy’s a detective?” Sam repeated, addressing the tiny woman who had introduced herself as Henrietta Lange, instead of Deeks. His tone was definitely insulting. Now mostly over his initial shock of finding out that he wasn’t the only one undercover, Deeks resisted the urge to say something particularly unpleasant and instead smirked at the other man. Agent Sam Hanna from some fancy pants Federal Agency.

“It’s ok, don’t feel bad. I’ve fooled a lot of people before,” he responded, having a feeling it would tick Hanna off even more. He was right; Hanna made a derogatory noise, his expression disgusted, and jerked his thumb in Deeks’ direction.

“I thought LAPD had a dress code. They must really be going down hill if they’re accepting hippies off the street.” Deeks huffed out an unamused laugh. Like he hadn’t heard something similar a hundred times before. He expected a Fed to be cleverer than that honestly.

“I used to be a lawyer too,” he told Hanna who looked appropriately aghast. “And before you ask, my hair was even longer.” Deeks let his gaze flick up to Hanna’s shaved head. He could easily see the man being ex-military. He had that holier-than-thou attitude that came from years of ordering other people around and assuming you were always right.

“Alright, enough chit-chat gentleman,” Ms. Lange decided, stepping between them, her hands folded together. “We have work to do. And Detective Deeks should probably meet the rest of the team as well.”

Deeks followed after them, figuring that he wasn’t going to get anywhere by being too resistant. Besides, he was oddly intrigued by Henrietta Lange. And also a little intimidated and terrified. But he wouldn’t mention that part.

“So tell me, who all is on this team?” he asked as Sam and Ms. Lange lead him to a shiny SUV. “And where exactly are you taking me?”

“The boat shed,” Sam answered shortly, ignoring the first question.

“Ooh, sounds fancy.”

“How about we keep the small talk to a minimum?” Deeks pursed his lips at the suggestion, thinking that Hanna was about to find out just how chatty he could be. He smirked again, biting back a chuckle. If this NCIS place could mess up his op, then he could certainly ruin their day.

***

“Wait, how did LAPD get in on this?” Callen asked and Kensi perked up, wondering what Hetty was telling him. He sounded vaguely annoyed. “Ok, yeah, we’ll be at the boat shed.” Hetty had called Callen about five minutes ago with an update and there’d mostly been silence on his end. She waited impatiently for him to hang up.

“What was that about? Did Hetty get Sam out?” Callen chuckled at her questions, shaking his head as he slipped his phone into his back pocket.

“Yep, Sam’s out. And apparently Wyler got released too.”

“What? But, he attacked Sam,” Kensi said, wondering just what kind of criminal Jason Wyler was that he had strong enough connections to get out of jail after assaulting a federal agent.

“Turns out Wyler is actually some kind of undercover cop. Martin Deeks, Hetty said,” he explained with a frown.

“You’re kidding.” Kensi had known there was something off about Wyler, but a cop?

“Unfortunately I’m not. I’m gonna text Eric and see what he can dig up on this guy now that we have a real name.”

Kensi waited a few minutes and then peered over Callen’s shoulder, trying to read his texts.

“What did he say?”

“‘That makes a lot of sense. I’ve got a whole file on a Detective Marty Deeks. Looks like he’s a good cop, but whoever sets up his backstopping needs to be fired.’,”Callen read off and Kensi rolled her eyes.

“And?”

“He said to send Deeks over when we’re done so he can give him a “real” alias. He’s worried about the guy getting marked.”

“Eric hasn’t even met him yet,” Kensi protested, annoyed.

“You know Eric. He can’t resist the chance to geek.”

About 30 minutes later, Hetty, Sam and Detective Deeks walked in. Hetty led the small group and had the barest hint of a smirk tugging at her lips as Sam walked behind her, his expression stony and impassive.

Deeks stopped in the doorway, glancing around with a vaguely impressed look. He spotted Kensi, one eyebrow rising briefly, and she crossed her arms defensively. If he was surprised to see her there, he didn’t show it. He winked at her, then practically swaggered the rest of the way into the room like he owned the place.

Hetty cleared her throat and gestured to him.

“Everyone, this is LAPD Detective Marty Deeks. Detective, these are Agents Callen and Kensi Blye.” She smiled in a satisfied way and added, “Play nice.” Without another word, she left.

“Deeks,” Callen acknowledged him. “Why don’t you take a seat?” Deeks raised an eyebrow at the clear attempt to control the situation but sauntered over to the table, hooked his foot around a chair and sat down in an insolent manner.

Sam followed the movement, his face remaining impassive, but Kensi thought she saw a hint of animosity. That was unexpected. From what she’d experienced, he usually didn’t let his emotions show unless it was a particularly personal case. Apparently Deeks rubbed everyone the wrong way.

With a little prompting, Deeks explained his plan to get Sam arrested and keep him out of the gym, and effectively out of LAPD’s way.

She was vaguely impressed by his skills and ingenuity, but brushed that thought away. He was pretty good, but not as good as them. Plus, she’d known something was off about him immediately, she’d just been wrong about the root cause. Kensi also silenced the voice that reminded her that he’d been suspicious of her as well.

Deeks helped himself to some coffee, again making himself at home as he smiled cockily and joked, easily guessing their set up at the mission. Kensi resisted the urge to laugh as he teased Sam and Callen. It wasn’t good-natured teasing either, anymore than their comments to him were well-meant.

Clearly he disdained them. Good, she didn’t like him either. He was full of himself, too self-assured, scruffy, unkempt. Blue-eyed and blonde, the voice in her head supplied helpfully.

Shut up, she told it firmly. Callen and Sam were wrong. She did not have a thing for him. He was a mediocre cop who’d obviously gotten in over his head. He glanced her way, that sarcastic, half-flirty smirk in place and she stared back at him, hoping to unnerve him. All she got in return was a smoldering look, his blue eyes daring her to look away first.

Despite herself, she couldn’t help but feel a little bad that they were hijacking Deeks’ case. He’d spent months on it and now they were taking over without any remorse.

“You know, you never answered my question,” Deeks said a while later as she escorted him from the building. “Are there really r-rated photos of Special Agent Kensi Blye floating around somewhere?” Kensi glared at him and said the first thing that popped into her head.

“In your dreams.” It wasn’t particularly brilliant, but Deeks grinned nonetheless and said,

“Gladly.”

“I could take you down right now,” she threatened mildly, but he just kept smiling, clearly not intimidated by her in the slightest. It pissed her off. And intrigued her. Damn him. She would not be attracted to this scruffy, surfer dude.

“I bet you could,” he murmured as they stopped in front of his car. “See you around Agent Blye.” He winked at her again before he slid into his car and drove off.

“I don’t like him,” Sam said coming up behind her with Callen by his side.

“At least he’s on our side,” Callen pointed out. “It would be a lot more annoying if he was actually a criminal. Let’s just hope he stays out of our way for the rest of the case.”

“And once we close the case won’t have to see him ever again.” Kensi said, not sure why she felt a hint of regret at the thought. She was definitely not smitten.

“Thank god,” Sam said. “Cause I think I’d end up shooting him if I had to listen to his rambling for more than a few days.”

***

A/N: Hopefully this is ok. I really played on that fact that none of them got along super well at first.