#i could keep going but its long enough
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beatcroc 1 year ago
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"it's better to tear it all down than let things continue like this" just seems like such a big thing to be resigned to...do you think they talked about it
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puppyeared 1 year ago
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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selamat-linting 9 days ago
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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
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yoiku 2 months ago
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Been sinking some hours into Palia again now that it's on steam as well, but part of me really wishes I didn't play it in beta, because even though there's new content, I kinda went nearly 100% with the content they had in open beta last year. So there hasn't been that much new stuff since the beta built was already a sizeable game content wise. But I also don't have the heart to ask suppor to reset my character, part of me would like to replay it all, but I also know it would still feel too familiar to keep my interest. I wish I was more interested in the whole decorate your personal housing area -stuff, because there would be a lot of hours to sink in there lmao. But for some reason the interior design has never really grasped me in any game its available. Not that it interests me irl a whole lot either, i prefer utility and ease over decorated and pretty.(i don't like living spaces that look like disinfected public spaces though lmao) And uh "controlled" chaos thanks to my brain wires being the way they are. yeah.
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donaviolet 3 months ago
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Friendship is the most special thing in the world because no award could be give me bigger happiness than jumping around in my room and smiling because my pookie asked me if I wanted to match pfps
#SHES AMAZING I LOVE HER AHHHHH#I hope we manage to find a cute bsd pfp it would be literally my dream#little vent tw!!#it's been so long since I matched pfps last time was with my ex who started being wayyyyy too weird..#and the other time was with a friend who started ghosting me some months later just because I didnt give her enough adopt me pets or smth 馃挃#and like. her stopping talking to be literally broke me as a person. it was devastanting for like 13yo me#woahhh thank you k. now I have social anxiety and keep dobting whether people really want me there or not#I still have a sort of love hate relationship w her but like its been over 2 years maybe 3 why do I still care abt it sm :<#especially since our other bestie is wayy more affectionate w k than w me it just makes me feel so weird like im sort of a 3rd wheel#but at least the friend im gonna match with is the sweetest person ever and we can be silly together :333#unfortunately we only know eachother from a course so we always have to wait 2 weeks to see eachother#and even tho i still see k almost every day shes pretty different now#but ive been feeling so so happy the last few days since school started and im afraid I might go back to being how I was when she returns#because. I bet my two friends will keep being silly together and ill have to sit w my ex again cuz hes still part of our friend group#I mean hes a nice and funny guy but I figured that a relationship wont work with us. I tried it and I just wanna be friends#I have a lot of fun w him but like in a platonic way#and im afraid he still thinks we should be together#meanwhile my besties keep flirting w eachother like??#I mean its pretty funny as a joke but I cant help but feeling kinda jealous especially because I used to have a huge crush in one of them#talked a bit too much ooopssss#Im just trying to move on but I hope k coming back doesnt start everything over again#anyways!! I love my bestie from the course smmmmmm Im still so so happy :D wish we could see eachother more#random stuff#chaos#friendship#violet rambles
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toytulini 6 months ago
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if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.
#toy txt post#or maybe i am just sameface syndrome#but also different face syndrome#two characters will have the same face but then the next time i draw those characters its a different face than they had last time!#i know part of it is being out of practice but also there is definitely an element of feeling constrained by human facial structure lmao#the monsters have Their Own Problems but like. no one has a face like bokrae no matter how inconsistent i am about drawing her#her features are iconic enough to her that you can tell everytime#birdie???? i faceclaimed eartha kitt for her and im still struggling cos i feel weird about faceclaiming as a concept#but even then 馃槶 one time i was trying to give headloose a face and someone was like wow he looks like birdie!#me 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶 what!!!!!! hes not supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to practice. features#you know the worst part about coming up w a bunch of fuckin Scenarios in my brain for ocs is that i have even fucking Drawn them yet#to give them like. iconic staple features and figure out what their faces look like. which feels like it would really help to have that#knowledge and muscle memory before i jump into trying to draw intense scenes with difficult poses!!#not to mention. listen. i can do the monster faces. somewhat. the bodies??????????? well for one. theyre too big everytime#im convinced i could be trying to draw bokrae on like a full ass wall size paper like a mural thing and run out of room. it just keeps#happening. i have no sense of scale for them either. by which i mean i struggle w scale already and also cant decide what i want it to be#and ive tried to handwave it away by being like ohhh uh. birdie casts spells on them to change their sizes for convenience but also#no. perhaps that explanation works for other ppl. @ myself tho its not good enough i Know Better!!!!!!#agh!!!!!!! i really need to figure out bokrae's Teeth also. like i dont. i coukd get away with it. but i should. and i want to.#anyway all this to say that i need to give these characters faces and body designs (actually the body designs for humanoid ocs is the easy#part. the faces are whats stumping me? well. i need more practice w all the body types again but like i Know what im Going For at least.#for the most part anyway. havent fully figured out heights. struggling w characters that i want to make short but give imposing tall energy#on occasion? birdie can be short all day long no problem. I want Alasdair to be short enough that he has a bunch of short boyfriends that#feel tall around him? bytte was going to be like 6ft max but then i thought about making her taller and like. what if i made her taller#headloose is not that /short/ but he is Not Tall and prolly pretty lean? twink build for sure#and of course all these short /tall distinctions come with a bias of relativity to my own height which i categorize as medium height#but short ppl call me tall and insist its not average and tall ppl call me short. (5'6) and then i have to factor in how the gender changes#the dynamic of a height like my height is Short For A Man but medium to tall for a Woman. which id argue is medium height bc mens heights#are socially held to high standards (hehe) and also i know ethnicity/race is also a factor? but im out of tags. rip. bye
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autumnoakes 2 months ago
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hyperfixations really will have you imagining a 2 hour video essay on some white guy video game character huh 馃槳
#HELP#thank GOD i don't have video editing capabilities i would be SO annoying#anyways there's a guy on youtube who does FASCINATING breakdowns of video game villains#i watched one on miquella eldenring and i watched one on osmund saddler re4 (2023)#i would LOVE to do a villain analysis on chronos hades2game as well. he's a fascinating villain to me#well. i have WRITING capabilities. hmmmmm#character analysis is so fun to do frfr i love examining the little guys in my video games like they're specimen#I COULD DO ONE ON LINK BOTW#(he's also a fascinating character to me idk)#help i'm discovering my true power and i don't have time for this!!!!!#i also want to do one on the character development leon has in the re2 and 4 remakes because i think its really fascinating#and i do not see it talked about enough. probably because he's peak male fantasy but i'm shaking him violently#PLEASE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT PERSONAL CHANGE AND ITS RELEVANCE IN RESIDENT EVIL 4 (2023)#ITS EVERYWHERE literally the main antagonist is trying to convince you to join him and give up control of your body#and there's this underlying narrative about how people change over time and a lot of it from leon's perspective is because of trauma/PTSD#that he's running from!!! he's not really handling it and it's coming back around again and it shows!!#he's got this sort of drive to save as many as he can but literally not long after his introduction as a character there's this really harsh#reality check that it's not possible to save everyone. but leon keeps trying and he keeps failing#and these failures stay with him into re4 and throughout that game too.#HHHHHHHRG this game is so good for no reason why is it so GOOD AUGH#anyways :) i'll stop losing my mind over this one specific blond dude in my tags now#oh god i hope no one sees these tags <- in denial#i really could go on for 2 hours about leon kennedy huh#hell i could do it for melino毛 too. AND SHE ONLY HAS ONE GAME
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Kang Yo Han is the walking embodiment of I'm Not Okay (I Promise) and relates to Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge far more than is healthy. In this essay I will-
#twabbbiih's edit#tdj#the devil judge#tw blood#kang yohan#kang yo han#a character study via legendary emo classic Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge#I put so much effort into this I really hope the fandom enjoys it#I know I don't exactly go here in a big way but guys please#girl does a tdj rewatch for the fun of it and spirals so far into making bad edits she has to try and figure out how to just get the text#from an album cover to make a mock one like some unhinged loser who barely knows how editing software works#you guys have NO IDEA#I spent an entire night pestering mid-n0vember about how this album is perfect for KYH 2 years ago and so finally I did something about it#to the end has especially been rattling around my brain for WAY TOO LONG because that is not a house or home to KYH#it's a constant reminder of the people he's lost and the horrors he suffered due to the utter shithead that was his father#ive been debating between 2 edits i did for that song for two nights and I've ended up picking the more literal one because I didn't want#too many close up images of peoples faces for this. but just know there is a file on this laptop of kyh crying while hes literally haunted#by memories of his father#I really did try to use a shot from the knife scene for the album cover because it would have been SO GOOD as a mirror to the original albu#however my editing skills are not good enough to make the background less distracting and I'm working with not HD images so it looked worse#so a moments silence for what could have been#no one asked but its 2am and that means oversharing so#Interlude absolutely had to be the on a line by itself because despite everything else going on with KYH keeping Elijah save is Rule One#it's supposed to kind of overshadow everything else because keeping her safe and unaware of Certain Things absolutely does for him#whether it actually translates is a different matter#kgo being on his knees (yet again) is what swung it for that picture otherwise it would have been kyh looking on as jae hee grabs her
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opens-up-4-nobody 11 months ago
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...
#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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dandyshucks 8 months ago
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one of the kiddos really loves rabbits and we're not able to really do much for Easter related activities irl so I thought I'd draw them with their favourite rabbit 'mon ... perhaps a gift from Guz,,,,,
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todayisafridaynight 1 year ago
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This might not be anything, but while writing about your fics, the way you have the characters' mannerisms down PERFECTLY got me thinking about mirroring...
There's a lot of it in 7 (Horii is a directorial genius etc etc), most of it more intentional than these probably are, but there's something so interesting about mirroring that takes the tone of a (relatively) fond memory, a familiar gesture, and inverts it in the way shown here.
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OH I'M GLAD YOU'VE NOTICED THESE TOO I think I mentioned it months back (or I drafted a post 'bout it but didn't think it was anything noteworthy) but I always really did like how the Arakawa Family mimicked each other's mannerisms (also circling back to how Jo and Masato calling Ichiban 'Ichi' presumably after picking it up from Arakawa)!
Aoki actually does the same sitting gesture too! I went back to double check and skim through the rest of the game's cutscenes, and as far as I could tell unless I skipped a scene, it really is only these three that do this specific pose:
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It's such a small detail but I love it immensely and it really does highlight their connections with each other and it drives me insane
#snap chats#the fact aoki holds his left fist with his right like jo..... im gonna be sick... (crying)#potential hints that aoki really does favor jo and/or spends more time with him... or i might be delirious. could be both even..#focusing on how jo mimics arakawa though i dont think i have to say i love how it is inverted intention wise#like of course in arakawa's situations he's in a position where he's helping ichi and speaking calmly with him#while with jo Evidently each interaction is more tense and antagonistic#really is a cool way to emphasize that whole 'step parent' angle if that makes sense#OH BUT THANK YOU ON MY WRITING that's a huge compliment: i'm glad you think i have their mannerisms down !#accuracy is a big thing to me... in case we haven't picked that up yet.... i should relax a little tbh--#BUT i'd like to think my brain's good at visualizing things and i think i've 'studied' enough to get an acceptable result in what i show#it's like... if i can't see it in my head clearly or it doesn't look right then i wanna keep trying until it DOES look right yk#dont want a Hello Kitty Wouldnt Do Xanax moment... only on occasion.... a lil xanax wouldnt hurt as long as its not too far gone 鈽狅笍#alright im. DELIRIOUS.#to end this off i watched the first episode of Sailor Suit and Machine Gun !#my japanese is. HORRENDOUS BUT the art of inference and context clues and stray knowledge got me through it#i'm excited to watch the next episode even if i'm only really getting half the impact from the dialogue#BUT THE FEELING'S THERE... the emotion's there#embarrassingly i almost cried when izumi was crying in the theater over her dad while she was eating cause like Girl Me Too 鈽狅笍鈽狅笍#ill go one day without mentioning my dad i promise... todays not that day tho 鈽狅笍#IN ANY CASE. thank you for droppin the episodes on me !! i can't stress never tiring of having new things to watch#ill watch the next episode tonight probably. i was gonna go out to get lunch buuuut my moms home#so there goes that plan.. at least my bro got me food while /he/ went out today lmao
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dullahandyke 1 year ago
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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard
#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point#and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared#but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure#ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit#n this deep plays into that#idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot#so i probs need to do that again#yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008#but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like#which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit#and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it#but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it#like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head#its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever#idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me#so now im here like Uh Oh#and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes#i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers#and im being disproven#i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime
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simptasia 5 months ago
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i've improved significantly so i feel comfy joking a tiny bit about it
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toytulini 7 months ago
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i may not be able to open posts from my notes or messages or get more context on posts via looking at the notes, but at least i can make fucked up coffee properly now
#toy txt post#while i was away i began my journey into coffee snobbery. im doing my best. i have a lot to learn#i have a fancy hand grinder that all the ppl on reddit hemmedvand hawed andaid it would probably be somewhat#Acceptable for pour over coffee that I got for less than $100. i want you to understand the coffee grinder ppl are insane.#there are grinders for sale that cost like more than my car did brand new. these ppl are insane? i got a chemex pour over#and a glass stovetop gooseneck kettle cos i couldnt find an electric kettle that didnt have the metal touching the water. prolly cos it#would make them less energy efficient and defeat the purpose but i dont fuck w metal water vessels cos historically They Keep Betraying Me#by making my drinks taste like ass. i got some genetic fuckery going on ig. like the cilantro soap gene but its the metal makes water taste#like ass gene? idk. but i wanted a kettle that didnt have metal and i wanted that gooseneck pour so i found one on Amazon. surprisingly#hard to find? annoying. mostly bc every search engine is bad and kept showing me metal kettles anyway. i got a grinder i got a pour over i#got a kettle i got fancy beans from a local small business i started drinking it black. im going to unlock these flavors. i will get it#but also. im still a goblin. i put garlic powder in with the grounds and made garlic coffee. its interesting. it tastes like garlic. and#coffee. but actually the garlic is mostly an aftertaste?#so it feels very similar to drinking a cup of black coffee to accompany your garlic bread actually. the first time i made it i think it#underextracted the coffee tho. second time i extracted the coffee enough but i didnt like it as much? both times. fascinatingly#i did not get strong aromas! which was weird: i find both garlic and coffee have pretty strong scents already#i wouldve thought combining them would make it stronger? it was a little stronger while brewing the second time but smelled good to me#i find the flavor of it compelling enough that id like to try to refine it a bit more and see if i can make it good#ive come a long way since my first garlic coffee haha#(adding garlic salt to black coffee out of a keurig. dont reccomend this: garlic salt has too much salt and it overpowers everything.#could not get a garlic flavor without overpowering salt flavors. so it mostly tasted like seawater with a hint of coffee. garlic powder is#the way to go. anyway next i want to try it with a lighter roast. i was using medium roast#of a local brand that i would name for exposure but wont name lest it doxxes me haha#also want to try egg coffee sometimes? the vietnamese one. looks..intriguing. robusta beans scare me a little tho#anyway. if youre interested in interesting flavors i recc garlic coffee. it was intriguing. if i find a methodology i think tastes best#ill update yall#im also interested in other things. i want to experiment with spicy coffee. chili powder or cayenne#make the paprika dracula coffee haha#im also admittedly intrigued by butter coffee? as a flavor profile tho not for fad diet reasons.
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dutybcrne 6 months ago
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Rehashing/Redoing Adelinde hcs, now updated to match info of the story:
She is, by birth, Snezhnayan. Her real name is Ada Dorokhova.
She had no family to speak of, save her brother, Lev Dorokhov older than her by five years. The two were raised to join the Fatui ranks, as they had no other family to turn to.
Addie's brother had gone on to become a Pyroslinger. She remained a low-ranking operative, as he kept insisting he didn't want her to take on more dangerous missions. She learned diplomacy and banking instead, as well as picking up the various languages of the other nations and intel-gathering.
She did however learn to use his gun, at his insistence. She became a far better shot than he, even able to shoot a Mora coin from considerable distance with ease. It was this skill that allowed her to join her brother's company, in spite of her lower rank.
While dispatched to Mond, she and Lev took to intermingling with the locals out of uniform. While it was clear they weren't locals, many assumed and were told they were Fontanian to make things easier on them. It was during these times and interacting with the Mondstadt people that her brother began to have doubts about the Fatui's cause and the things they were taught to believe about the other people. He began to think that they could run from the Fatui and live a peaceful life here in Mondstadt. Because of him, she almost began to contemplate such things too
While expressing these thoughts to her, their company leader had overheard and had him arrested, intent on sending him back to Snezhnaya. In the ensuing struggle, Lev had been killed by his fellow Fatui.
She had been beside herself with grief, but even seeing that and knowing just how close the two had been, their superior officer kept telling her it was for the best, as a traitor like that would only hinder their mission. It was that very grief that had her taking up her brother's gun and turning it against her own comrades, slaughtering them all in a fit of rage.
She can scarcely remember anything from her rampage, save her feelings of grief and anger. From the moment she picked up her brother's weapon and took the first shot through her company leader's head, it was all a murky fog.
She does remember coming to and meeting Crepus Ragnvindr however, having stumbled across the Dawn Winery in running from the Fatui's now ravaged camp. She almost killed him too, had his abrupt query about her well-being and clear distressed concern not caught her off-guard.
After he talked her down and hearing her tale, he first offered her his coat to stave off the cold, then a place in his staff and a home in his manor as he helped treat her wounds. She rejected it promptly, not trusting why he would offer such a kindness to a Fatuus, though him outright lying to the knights who happened upon them and the carnage she'd wrought, that she'd been a mercenary who protected him from the Fatui, had been enough to sway her to trust him more. Especially when he'd left his coat in her care, a last comfort he could offer her and a promise to meet again before they'd part.
It would take several meetings after that before she would take his hand and be led home. During that time, she changed her name to a more local-sounding one, and took to using his cover for her, working as a mercenary in the meantime, occasionally running into him at the Angel's Share whenever she'd stop by for business or leisure. Or to observe him and the sort of man he was, to chat with him endlessly whenever his foolish little sun-bright smile would bloom upon seeing her. Each and every time, he'd ask her to come home with him. Each and every time, she would refuse, and tease perhaps he could try better the next time.
She accepted a year after he'd first made his offer.
Apart from being hired as a maid, Adelinde had also served as Crepus' personal aid and guard. She worked hard to hone and maintain her skills in every aspect she could, taking to her role with utmost dedication. It was perhaps this that wound up leading the rest of the staff to fall in behind her without question, even after having been regarded with suspicion by them due to her sudden disappearance. After all, it became all too clear to them that everything she would say and do, it was all for the good of their master.
She did develop feelings for Crepus, but never acted on them, especially after he'd gotten together with Diluc's mother and the lad had been born. She never faulted him for it nor did she dwell on them, much less seek to have them recognized or returned. Rather, she used them as incentive to better care for him and the young boy, even after his mother was out of the picture. This arrangement felt much more comfortable and right to her, anyways. She would never have changed a thing, even looking back now.
She taught Diluc how to use a firearm, as her brother had her, at the curious child's request. Seeing the lad so hard at work to try and improve to match her her did remind her of him at times, which never failed to make her heart ache.
She helped train Elzer in the use of firearms as well, in addition to helping train him to manage the Winery while Diluc grew up. With Elzer, she gave him the extra learnings she'd picked up with the Fatui to ensure he would be the best possible servant for the Ragnvindrs. He is the sole living person in Mond who knows the full extent of her origin, Crepus having been such, previously.
The one who reminded Adelinde of her brother the most though was Kaeya. She saw it in the gentle kindness he exuded, in the love he gave, the shyness he carried himself with yet always pushing himself to stand proud beside his more confident sibling. She saw it in his sharp wit and love of stories, the way his eyes shined in excitement at each and every one. She will never admit it, even if prodded, but it is for that reason that he was her favorite of the two. Still, she doted on both equally, adoring them both with every ounce of love her heart could muster. They were as much family to her, as the others in the staff and Winery came to be.
She and Crepus were both aware of Kaeya's heritage, the man having confided to her that Kaeya's eyes resembled those of Khaenri'ahns from legends he'd read. They both resolved to let the boy come clean at his own pace, as they felt he deserved a home, regardless of his origin, just as she had been given that chance. She made the greatest efforts to ensure he felt as welcomed as she did, that he adjusted well and personally tutored him whenever he needed the extra help. Every effort she could give to make sure he would feel safe in this new home.
Addie did eventually admit her feelings for Crepus some time before Diluc's eighteenth birthday. She had never intended to, but has done so only because he had directly asked her regarding them, and she refused to lie or keep secrets from him. She never had, since the day she'd begun to work for him, after all. As happy as he had been to know of them, and as relieved as she had been to know he was alright with it, they were never truly able to navigate what could come out of them, as Crepus died soon after.
In learning of Diluc's intent to journey to Snezhnaya, she cashed in a few favors with her old mercenary buddies and a few Fatui folk she knew without shadow of a doubt she could still trust to have them look after him the best they could. No doubt he would be hard to locate, with what limited information she could have and provide, but if it could make the difference between life or death for him, she would take every measure she could.
She admitted as much to him when he returned, through relieved tears and choked sobs upon seeing him.
She was not only one of the first to learn of his intents to moonlight as a vigilante, but his greatest supporter. She resolved to ensure not a single alibi of his could slip, to ensure each and every one of the staff would remain nothing but loyal to him, and resolved to personally take care of any 'loose ends' should it really come down to it.
Adelinde has personally stopped many a home invader over the years, from the start of her service to Crepus, to the present day, and never fails to sleep without both her own and her brother's guns prepped and ready at her bedside. She also frequently patrols the manor in the late hours, and there are no shortage of guns specially hidden around the manor for her to make a grab for in emergencies.
No, she will Never tell Diluc where they all are.
#hc; adelinde#death mention tw#//THERE WE GO#long post for ts#//Some things are flexible to be amended; depending on other person#//But ye#//I need to add her to the muse list; but yee#//She has kept various things from her time in the Fatui; and discarded others#//Of what she did keep; it was her brother's gun; his badges; and his Pyro delusion#//She tended to keep it pinned under her apron; right over her belly#//Out of sight; but always close in case she needed it in a pinch#//Due to Crepus' death because of a Delusion; she now keeps it locked away in a drawer#//She is always tempted to fetch it and keep it on her person; fretting if it was the right choice to keep it away#//What if there may come a time when she needed its strength; but foolishly didn't have it on hand?#//She loves Luc and Kae too much to want to risk them seeing her actively using it; much less inquiring as to why and HOW she has it#//She is not ready to admit her past to them; not really out of shame; but bc she worries it may Complicate things for them#//And that's the LAST thing she needs#//Her boys have enough on their plates as is#//She did contribute to the efforts to root out traitors within the KoF#//The moment Kae told her of it all; she took up scrounging for intel and anonymously or otherwise subtly tipping Kae off as best she could#//Anything to help avenge Crepus and clear his name to the Knights. She has never Once forgiven what they did to him#//And never will. Any respect she yet has for the organization; she owes to Kae and Jean
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netaro--yowa 8 months ago
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YAYYY MISHA THEME!!!
MISHA 馃挅馃挀馃┓鉂わ笍馃挄馃挅馃挀馃┓馃挅鉂わ笍馃挅馃挀馃挀馃挅馃┓馃挀
#i loevev them so much did you know that#currently saving up for him and it is HELL after spending it all on sparkel .so many quests and not enough timw .........#and . ouhhh havent had the chance to talk abt . shit what is it called . lemme go see real quick .#A CHILDS DREAM . yknow that one map with the text on the walls and the melted clocks and stuff .#that was done . SO incredibly well it makes me INSANE...........#so like . im 100.1% sure the speaker (who talks abt mikhail a lot) in that room is misha.#like that IS her voice right . im not going insane#its just . auuh... the dreams (or at least golden hour) in peacony are so childlike .... like . some of the puzzles are jigsaw puzzle ;#turn into a small cartoon character ; and help the cartoon character find his cartoon gears .#and then you get to clockie . who can only be seen by someone w a childs innoence (or smth around those lines)#and that misha can see clockie . which like . cool right ? yeab. UNTIL YOU GET TO A CHILDS DREAM ..#where theres something just ... sososo off .#and its ... its just gotta be misha . its gotta be . idk if theres anything outside of main story im missing (there probably is)#BUT . augh . auf even .#childs dream still has these childlike qualities to it (the paper birds; walking on walls) but just ... more warped#(the general atmosphere of the place; the monsters even .)#the music having a music box to make the tone of the song more distressing ... how its so much more smaller than golden hour ..#aughhhhhh ... its just such a good parallel..... i could talk abt it all day really .#anyways . i WAS going to tell u abt my misha theory (which may or may not be confirmed) bu t i got DISTRACTED.#uhh anyways . my theory is that misha is somehow trapped in peacony .#when misha goes onto the parlor car they mention that theyve never been outside of peacony before and that she can t stay for long .#which i imagine is very normal! BUT its this combined w her lock motif (pupils; most of the doors in childs dream) thag make me suspicious#i mentioned before that golden hour has a very childish quality to it. and that misha has that childish quality.#okay well . what if mishas being kept there so that golden hour can keep on being a dream for other people?#and so that would make golden hour mishas dream. (or part of his dream? could be more people the familys keeping)#and that would imply that childs dream is . well . mishas nightmare .#uhm . i think thats it ..? if i come up w anything else ill . ramble abt it somewhere . definitely not the most eloquent but#i hope i got the point across <33#i think its an understatement to say i love misha . i LOVE MISHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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