#i could hear her slow typing when I described my work experience

[cidthecoatrack-blog]

This is a place where I can post anything with basically zero (0) concern of the "wrong" someone seeing it, so here we go:

I was let go from my company beginning of June, so I have been on the job hunt. I work in tech, and it's common for recruiters to match candidates to employers (they get a commission based on the candidate's salary if the employer hires them). I have worked with many recruiters, some better than others. Almost every job I have had in my career has been through a recruiter. Nothing against recruiters, in fact I like working with them because they handle negotiations for me (I am wildly non-confrontational). So all in all, no complaints.

TODAY, however, there are Complaints (TM).

Recruiter emails me asking to schedule a time for a call, say they have opportunities that would be a good match for me. This is not abnormal. However, this woman is AGGRESSIVE. I am talking 5 emails in as many minutes. And this is after 4:30 PM. Flag #1.

I sent her my resume and basic compensation expectations. She immediately responds asking for the best number to reach me.

Folks, the number is literally at the top of the resume I just sent her. Flag #2.

She asks when would work best. I say before 1 the next day, because I have other obligations later that day. She schedules a 30 min call at 12:30. Cutting it close, but that's fine.

My dear friends, at 12:26, she abruptly rescheduled it for 4:30 PM that same day. Which, notably, is not in a time frame I said I would be available. Also, this was not asked. No "hey can we reschedule". She just changed the calendar invite without checking. Flag #3

As it turned out, I could make it work. She calls at 4:30. Folks, we have barely gotten through introductions when she IMMEDIATELY launches into a rant about my strong preference for remote work. Like, at least 5 minute rant, if not closer to 10. Saying absolutely no one will hire remote. All employers want in office. Oh, how she WISHED it would be remote, makes her job so much easier, and she "totally understood" why I am not willing to spend my time and money to be less productive, but kept repeating how it was a non-starter for every employer.

Let me tell you something, my dear readers. I have applied to well over a hundred jobs over the past few weeks, the vast majority of which were remote-only. I am deep in the interview process with several companies, all of whom are very aware that I want remote. And who are more than happy to grant it. Even prefer it. For context, one of these companies is Electronic Arts (the video game company). The other is Hewlett Packard. These are not small players. So I know this is complete bullshit she is spewing. Flag #4

I had mentioned when I sent the resume that I was interviewing with several companies, so new opportunities would have to move quickly. I had not mentioned the names of said companies. However, she briefly interrupts her tirade about my unreasonable demands to ask what the companies were. I mention them, notably HP. She then says, "Well, a lot of companies say remote, but then the offer is hybrid, or it's remote and then they switch to in office after a few months. Here, let me google the HP work from home policy. Hmm, this seems to say you have to be in office 3 days a week, and they have a tracker so they know your location, definitely not remote." Lord knows what she was reading. But this was where it dawned on me that she was Negging me. Flag #WTF

Also, for what it was worth, even IF a company wanted to pull the nonsense she described, one of the other companies I am DEEP in the interview process with is based on the west coast, hires all over the country, and wants ONLY remote. So she can stuff it with "no one hires remote" bullshit.

I explain that when I did go into the city (I live outside NYC) for my previous job, it was 2 hours. Each way. She brushes it off. "Oh, I don't live far from where you are, it's more manageable than that." Like, does she think I don't know how fucking TIME works? That somehow when I left the house at 9, I DIDN'T get to the office at 11:15? Still, she starts to look at other places, ones that are a 30 minute drive each way from my house. "These would be 3 days a week in office. And you definitely can't ask for more money. And they won't negotiate on anything." Pardon, but, My Dear Bitch, IT'S YOUR WHOLE DAMN JOB TO NEGOTIATE. Thanks for advertising you are terrible at this. "But you know, these FinTech companies always have lots of good perks and stuff." Huh, notably, you don't mention what any of those perks might be. Is it because you don't understand them, or that you are just making shit up to compensate for your inability to do your job, to negotiate a better salary for me?

Hah, that reminds me: she claimed to "specialize" in FinTech companies. FinTech = Finance Tech. These are your hedge funds, your tech start ups. These things are RIFE with cash, and if you have the skills they want, they will throw a Scrooge McDuck comical amount of money at you. And yet, she was adamant that because of my stated minimum salary requirements, that I would be at the upper end of their salary ranges, and I definitely couldn't get more money. I am a software developer with over 10 years of experience. I have done literally everything under the sun and will pick up new things at the drop of a hat. My minimum salary requirements are me taking a full DECADE to realize how much I am actually worth, and asserting myself that I will not be taken advantage of anymore. And you have the GALL to tell me that a hedge fund owned by whoever it is that owns the Mets (she made a point about that, but she did know his name, I have since forgotten and will not be bothered to google it) can't afford to pay more? And while being "young" and "hip", still subscribe to the ancient practice of Butts In Seats, and not Just Get the Shit Done From Wherever? Flag #What absurd Shakespearean tragedy is this

Oh, did I mention she was cursing left and right? Dropped multiple F bombs casually. Personally, I couldn't give a fuck about language, but it was a certain flavor of Icing on an Unprofessionalism Cake. Kept trying to excuse it as "oh I am old school, I am a dinosaur, I won't sugar coat things. These YOUNGER recruiters will blow smoke up your ass and tell you anything you want, but I deal with reality. I put a lot of people off, they leave to work with someone else, and 3 months later they call me and say I was right all along." Tell me you're a Boomer without telling me you're a Boomer.

Oh, and let us not omit the strange ageism either. "Yeah, so this company sounds up you're alley. Their Finance, young and hip, sounds like you." What, other than Not Sounding Like a Dinosaur, told you I am "young" and "hip"? I am a 33 year old father. I am neither young nor hip. And honestly, in the tech world, I am myself the dinosaur for the most part. But perhaps compared to you, I do possess such youth and vigor.

Strangest and most unpleasant phone call I have ever had.

[twimshi]

Crossing the borders illegally legal

In which you follow the slow yet melancholic lifestyle of YN with a hint of joy while also defying the goverments laws in hopes of the betterment of solving a silly case of missing people.

Twenty-nine.

Twenty-eight.

Counting back the steps to get home.

It gets a little dull, YN concludes while walking home. She knows that people around her are getting married and stuff, it doesn't bother her.

It shouldn’t.

She’s just a busy woman with work, that’s accomplishing enough.

Two.

One.

Getting a mini apartment might have been the best thing she���s done since she yelled back at her mother, though it does get lonely.

Luckily she has Sherman and her favorite series to watch on her laptop, TV is overrated.

It’s nice to watch a slice-of-life show, keeps her sane.

YN is pretty sure she’s seen this at least more than four times, but something about it makes it comforting.

Something about people coming together and genuinely caring about each other has her bubbly every time she watches it.

It's nice.

Sherman is a concerning animal though, he’s now what looks like reading a book— she would be more concerned but she decides to sleep it off evaluating her day to drift into sleep.

Another day will begin.

-

It's a horrible one.

She doesn't know when it started but she feels so small.

So alone.

The best way to describe the feeling is if you imagine your chest.

Then imagine your childhood, when you were happy.

Then your life now, how you wish to hold yourself and hug them senselessly telling them they’ll be okay in their trying times as they tremble in your arms unsure of how to react.

That might have been a little dramatic, but YN writes down the thought in her little notepad.

Maybe she could write a novel one day she thinks.

Talk about her life experiences and—

The shower water turns lukewarm.

She goes to tie her hair in the mirror when she notices.

She has already covered it with newspaper.

-

Once every other month YN calls her mom to check in.

Well, they both reluctantly check on each other.

Her sister was always the more promising one, always seemed like she was always a step ahead.

“Just wanted to say hi that's all” She twirls a strand of stray hair while speaking.

“Well, things have been okay at home, nothing much has changed. Your sister is entering an international competition this weekend for the ballet” Her mother says proudly, something she’s yet to hear directed at her.

Everything YN would try at and fail.

She excelled in.

She just hums in reply, not saying much as she continues.

“Oh that's great”

“It is, I wish you were more athletic as a kid, you always stayed in your room all day and not help at all around”

As a moment passes, her chest becomes stiff, and suddenly the glum feeling she was getting creeps over her shoulder.

She hangs up and lays in bed, Sherman on her side.

“Well I'm going to go now, I'm tired”

“Alright, good night”

He’s warm.

She just holds him and stares at the ceiling closing her eyes. 

Her chest feels tight.

She’s twenty-nine for god sake, small stuff shouldn't have this much of an effect on her anymore considering how small the issues were.

But why was she still bothered?

-

To work with people, she needs to be people.

“You know about surfing slang?!” Oh, that might have been the wrong slang.

“Wait, you're telling me you would work out on the weekends?” Jermain exclaims, dropping whatever he was doing to give YN his full attention.

“Carrying boxes builds extra muscle, so I can't say no to a free workout session, brah,” YN says, trying to add some sports slang and expression.

Jermain reaches into his back pocket and starts digging. Man, do male pants have too much space in them because he has two mini notebooks and a pocket knife? Was this guy some type of criminal? 

Finally, after digging in his ass for about two minutes, he pulls out his smartphone “My dad owns this entire land of this beach and there are these free surfing classes they have. To be honest I didn't know anyone in the office would be interested in this so I just…Anyways I’ll go tell the boss about this!”

The employees are somewhat bearable, YN finds ways to communicate with Jermain when Reigen gave her a list of things to say that relate to football with work.

This increases productivity by 0.09 percent, she can now get back to her weekend job.

She was actually enjoying work before her boss interrupted “YN to the office”

-

Another lecture was given, at least it was a positive one. 

Or not. 

“You should put on some makeup, I mean just saying the eye bags are growing and the company's image and stuff"

"Nothing as for now, there have been some improvements to the new workers, good job. Kelsey's positive vibe might be rubbing off on them"

YN hates the existence of Men.

“I mean I don't really have the time or money to do it. But I’ll keep that in mind” She won't "Anything else?"

Yeah, like Kelsey - oh yes Kelsey, her nails and hair are always perfect. Even when it was messy she looked straight out of a modeling magazine that sells shampoo for curly hair.

She wishes she could be like that.

Just this time maybe, YN will take this obviously rude advice.

-

While fixing the makeup she sat looking at the mirror.

More foundation to cover her eye bags.

More blush for her pale face.

It wasn't enough.

She probably needs more eyeliner there—no that looks bad.

But what if she—

She slams the makeup down, the eyeliner that she overdid just now - was running down her face. 

A realization set in, well it's not really a realization if you knew about it before.

Why bother?

She thinks of what happened in high school.

YN covers the mirror again.

-

'

-

'Children coming back with strange injuries Tonkatsu Prefecture’ and 'Do not let your pet off of their leach, do so and it will be your last'

These are a couple of the many articles that have been becoming a sensation recently, where teens who had seemingly misbehaved and run into the forest — come out with either injury or come back a completely new person.

Most of the netizens just commented on how 'Nature scared the kids fr', later on, it came out that teenagers who engaged in activities like drinking would enter. One particular day a known group of four teenagers were venturing late at night but only three came out the next, none of them seemed to really remember their friend who drowned.

Well, no one she knows lives in that town anyway. 

Seems like townsfolk mania, towns like that are often closed-minded and blame everything on some type of devil or teenager.

It was pretty common for pets to go missing and teens to cause havoc but not at the amount that was happening to that town in particular.

But it seems that there was a specific pattern for all of this, like the kidnapper or influencer. 

Strange.

Her shoes are all soggy from the rain, she shouldn't have washed her shoes yesterday.

Ah, this is great.

She kneels to grab the shoes and holds them close to her. It must have felt tired of her, being washed feeling cleaner than to be dirtied again - YN emphasizes with this object, she might be crazy.

She just wants it to be gone.

-

She can feel all her bones coming back and they’re craving motion. It was like her life was stagnant, nothing changing, unmoving.

Nothing.

Thinking about when she was a kid, she wanted to be an astronomer discovering new planets and helping people.

That dream crashed and burnt the moment she realized she needed to be great at math, her mother explicitly saying she wouldn’t be paying for her college fees because astronomy was a pricey major.

Working a desk job at a company managing people shouldn’t be all that bad right?

She should be grateful for this.

Being almost thirty with just a business diploma.

She amounted to nothing.

Pity.

Closing her laptop she says goodbye to everyone, sliding to Kelsey’s desk before she leaves “Kels, want to grab dinner? I think I have enough money for the week to try that new western place”

“Oh dang, I would love to but..” YN knows this, she knows this “Your husband made dinner?”

“Yes! And the kids are starting school soon so I have to be home more, we can do it next time if you want to"

It's probably what she felt for her, she doesn't want that “No, no it's fine Kelsey. Uh, I’ll go but some ice cream then”

"I don't mind you know, I can just tell him to save some for me, you've got to be starving-"

Twenty-eight-

"It's fine" YN doesn't elaborate and walks.

Twenty-nine.

It's the same.

YN stops in her tracks, and she finds a wall to lean on.

Reminding herself that people were starving and dying and she was some basic girl in some type of midlife crisis, she needed to set her mind straight.

The train station, oh right.

Todays Thursday.

Her seminar, that's right.

Honestly, she’s too tired to care. 

“Sorry I’m late, I completely forgot about today,” She says as she rushes through the door, Reigen seems to be arranging some documents on the table before he ruffles them out of the way.

Wiping his forehead he replies “No worries! Mobs actually also running late, has some type of thing with his friends today, and actually, let me text him to have the day off”

“Oh, then will we just do it?”

“I was about to cancel, but let's do it anyways pupil” He throws a plastic chair at YN, which misses and smacks her right in the face - it goes unnoticed by Reigen as he scrambles to the room.

Reigen comes back from the other room with his laptop and scratches his head looking a little stressed while holding his laptop “There might be a problem”

He walks back to his desk and sighs nervously “So you've been coming here quite often- which isn't bad, it's great because we finished the program but the problem is…..we finished the program”

“I see” They both sat there quietly for a moment before YN broke the silence by clapping her hands and gathering her things “I guess I should get going, on oh” She handed him an envelope “Can't forget your fees"

He accepts them but stops her as she makes her way out falling in the process from the water leaking from the air-conditioning that he forgot to put a bucket, YN puts out her arms to try to catch him but he plays it off by resting his head on his hand and posses?

They both just look at each other before YN swears she hears a whisp from her shoulder saying 'real smooth man'

"Do you remember what I told you last time we met?"

"Slap an employee if needed and take up sponsorships but make sure I have all the rights to the company?" She says with a monotone tone.

-

Reigen ignores her voice and twirls his hand "Yes but the other thing"

"Gossip and brunch?" YN replies puzzled, tilting her head to the side.

"Exactly!" His eyes sparkled "When I tell you I got gossip, I mean it"

"You think of me as lowly, I'm obviously gossiping about that other exorcist down the street. Even Mob says that there wasn't an ounce of spiritual energy and was scamming them"

Reigen ends up ordering some fries from down the street and they end up eating in the office from the lack of chairs.

"I hope this isn't about your customers" YN gapes at him crossing her arms while eating.

"Isn't that what you do-"

"Tut-tut friend, tut-tut. I solve the problems, not create more. This guy purposefully massaged my back in all the wrong areas, he was really going for my thigh. Apparently, the other ladies that went there had similar experiences"

"Reigen that might be a different type of problem, we might need to consult the police on this one"

"And your point is?"

He gasps, scandalized "You don't think he-"

"He just might, why do think people left the one-star review plus police report on the website review" Reigen mumbles something under his breath realizing some stuff.

"Well other than the strange massage, that I already anonymously exorcised" YN just stares at him "Well Mob did...But never mind that, I found out about a thing that might be my big hit"

"The one with missing cats," He says casually while he plays with his fries and tomato sauce drawing a penis.

YN's eyes widen "You can't be talking about the one at..."

"Tonkatsu prefecture"

YN almost spits out her drink "The manic town case with missing cats?"

"Wait mobs coming?" She says stunned, Reigen brushes her off and continues "Duh, as I was saying"

She quickly thinks about something "Doesn't your mom live nearby?"

"Yeah...I don't really talk to her anymore" He hesitates "She lives right outside of the border so she should be fine but that doesn't stop gossip from spreading across the small town. I'm leaving tomorrow actually, getting that cheap train fare and parent discount since Mob is coming-"

"No way his parents are okay with this"

"Surprisingly yes" YN contemplates calling CPS "And the lady who needs our service bought us an extra ticket on accident, so I was thinking...." Reigen draws more penises with the fry that has gone cold "If you wanted to tag along, just-saying-since-y'know-for-fun-and-stuff..."

YN smiles fondly and thinks Reigen is charming "I would.." She says then stops, her boss is making her do more things, what would he say about this? She could get fired and it all would be over. 

She doesn't know what-

Reigen interrupts "You don't have to come if you don't want to, I just don't want to waste the ticket"

"I would..really, just that-"

"And how did you even come to that intuition?"

"Your work" He  says placing his hand on his chin "I say to let your new employees handle themselves for one day, if they can't then they should get fired"

"I don't think how that works" If only it could be that easy "I would get fired"

"Not if you tell your boss that they should at least try to handle themselves for a day, he probably will agree since its part of the training manual"

"My gut obviously darling"

"My gut usually tells me I'm constipated but go on"

"You should see a doctor about it but don't you think it's pretty odd for a bunch of animals, especially cats disappearing, a list of missing people, and children cases"

"A doctor is too expensive, I rather explode. Even if you feel suspicious how are you even going to get past the border? They've got it on lockdown" She states nonchalantly.

"True but exploding doesn't sound fun, try Chinese medicine or something before it gets worse. That's right but you forgot one thing"

"I'll think about it and what thing?"

"I'm Reigen Arataka" He shoots up to his feet, then rummages through his first aid kit and hands her the medicine, which she gladly accepts.

YN grows fonder every second, every ounce of possible bullshit made her grow fonder. A feeling that she wants to repress, though she can't hide from how he glows "That sounds fun" 

"And?" She questions doubtfully.

"You underestimate me"

"I think I overestimate you"

"Sure you do" He chides "But seriously I have a plan"

"So.." He twiddles his fingers on the side of his pants nervously,  "Do you want to join us?" He asks again, even though it really isn't a question.

She blinks, genuinely taken aback by the request. So she sits a little straighter  "I'll try"

She meant it, she really will.

-

YN somehow managed to convince her boss to give her some time off in the middle of June, thank god she has four December holidays stockpiled.

They all sit on the train, Mob sitting next to YN before he stares at her hands.

Confused, she asked him "Is there something wrong?"

Mob glanced at her, his face calm but curious "Could I..hold your hand?"

Odd request.

But she agreed, she did recently cut her nails (she did an amazing job at getting the edges to be perfect)

Mob looks at Reigen and then back at YN “Huh, I never sensed this before”

Reigen, not missing a beat snorts “Her beefy hands?” 

YN just stars at him and nods her head back at Mob “I’ll take that as a compliment, I do lift boxes” she chuckles, damn her hands must be rough.

Mob holds her hands with a glimmer “Have you ever felt a connection to the ghost?”

“Not really no? Why do you ask?”

“It's just that" Mob grips hovers over her hand "I think feel a hint of psychic abilities within you”

“What?! No way, not even me- I mean” Reigen coughs in his sleeve “What does this mean?”

Spirits?

“Well, if Mrs.YN would allow me to awaken them, she could maybe see spirits”

What the hell?

Mob gently places his hands out for YN to grab, he whispers a little "strong rough hands" under his breath in amazement, YN has to control her giggles.

She dosent think for a minute before replying “Hell yeah”

“Heads up, you might be able to see the annoying green orb that gives me brain damage every week” Reigen says, Mob nods along.

“Green orb?”

“He means dimple, he’s not too bad once you know him.” He suddenly swats his ear "Shut the hell up, sheesh. Mob do your thing"

"Tell me if you feel anything" Mob says softly, YN nodded, the only thing she could focus now was his hands warming in her own— almost like his hands were a heat warmer.

The flowers grow in her eyes, and the feeling of Mob's gentle hands suddenly feel like there's a barrier between them.

Her pupils dilate a little when Mob lets go of the colors around her.

A hue of blue, she can actually see a blob of green in front of her whose picking its nose.

YN thinks she sees Mob scold the blob saying 'Dimple, don't pick your nose in front of people who can see you, it's rude'

Trying to play it cool, YN excuses herself to the toilet which earns a glance of concern from the two boys...and blob.

Once inside, she splashed cold water on her face, gripping the sink tightly.

She can actually…See them…

She walks back to her seat “You good?” Reigen questions.

She has never felt so elevated in my life.

Reigen could easily tell by the way her lips crinkled she was trying not to explode, she kept looking around the train to see if she could see more spirits (there were none other than dimple).

Dimple on the other hand was swirling around her head.

Mob even told Dimple to stop but YN said it was alright, taking in the wonder of the spirit.

Until she felt the urge to vomit.

The rest of the trip was spent in silence.

-

If only the silence could last.

"What the actual fuck do you mean the place is on lockdown and you conveniently decided to leave that part out" YN thinks she might pop a blood vessel.

Reigen huffs, turning to face the green blob "Dimple I told you this was meant to be a secret"

She turns to him unconvinced "How exactly do you have it covered dear 'Taka, do tell" Her voice filled with frustration at the sheer absurdity of the situation

Dimple just shrugs unapologetically  "What do you expect? Would you rather have her freak out here or in front of the officers"

"Officers? Yup alright" YN mutters, her blood pressure sure to spike "Yup alright, keep calm YN. I just need to get another ticket and leave-"

"Relax I've got it all covered" Reigen interrupts smoothly.

"So I'm going to jail for trespassing, child endangerment, and forgery? I skip work once and this is what I get"

Unbothered by her frustration, he calmly reaches for his luggage from above them, his confidence not faltering for even a second as he takes out a thick file from the bag "I've got these" 

YN blinks in disbelief for the second time today "Oh great a folder" YN deadpanned "The authorities will love that you organized their criminal activity the first one being trespassing with our names...God, they might charge us for child endangerment.."

"Please don't you think I've got it covered? I've got these documents" He smiles, then looks around sneakily and leans in to whisper "That I forged"

"I think you should have a little more faith in Shishou" Mobinterjected "If he messes up he'll promise to take the blame"

"Exactly Mob-"

"All the blame" Mob says suddenly intensely with purpose.

YN wonders if Mob was always intense.

Reigen sighs in defeat "Yes I'll take all the blame, happy now?"

"Not in the slightest" She dryly replies "But..... I trust you, so what's the plan?"

Reigen's smile was back, confidence oozing out of every pore "Just follow my lead"

She couldn't help but wonder how her mug shot would look.

-

Before YN could retort, an officer stepped in front of them "This area is strictly off limits" 

YN sends off any dignity she has because right now, she is going to give it her all "No babe you can't be serious"

"Oh I'm serious alright, our son is going to meet his grandma whether you like it or not"

"Sorry officer just give us another minute" YN says sweetly before pulling Mob gently to her "That woman was a horrible wench who disowned me and threw out everything I loved"

"I-"

"They were my limited edition ninja turtle figurines, you would know this if you actually paid attention to me instead of sitting on your lazy ass all day"

"Your mother was not the best I know but-"

"Wasn't the best is an understatement for what she did, ah the woman who hated me so much for dating you and having this child" She turns to Mob and pats his head "No offense sweety, I love you so much"

"She didn't want you to date me because..."

"Because what Howard" YN pressed, she didn't know how long she could keep this charade up.

"I-I'm" Reigen looks away ashamed "I'm...lactose intolerant"

"You can't be.."

The guard looks bewildered and gasps in the background "I am...Your mother was worried that my inability to consume dairy would affect your cooking skills or you might just kill me with the amount of cheese you would cook and feed me"

"But I made you an extra cheesy and creamy pizza yesterday with extra cream"

"I take medicine for it" Dimple quickly blows a gust of wind to the officer's face to distract him which gives YN enough time to poke her eye releasing tears.

"Of cancer, the foot type and it's the last stage" YN cries harder, she poked her eye too hard. 

"Honey...I didn't know.."

"I just... Loved you so much...As your mother did, she has been sending letters to you for years but since you just burned them she- I don't know had an intuition and found my office address and sent me a letter saying...she was dying"

"Oh ehm gee!"

From the corner of her hurt eye, she can see the officer sobbing with her "This is all so emotional, these documents seem somewhat feasible but don't bother about it right now j-j-just, one moment please" he runs to another officer to explain the sob story which ends up with them crying.

He hands YN flowers that seem like they've been freshly yet fiercely plucked from a bush of flowers "Please give these to her and enjoy your trip, if you guys need help or notice anything suspicious about the town don't feel worried to call us"

Dimple floats to YN "Damn I didn't know you were that good at acting"

She grins at him whipping her hair back "What can I say, I was a theater kid- Oh shit he's coming back"

The officer comes back a sniffling mess but hands YN and Reigen back the file "I just talked to my higher-ups and they gave you guys the green light" YN and Reigen thank the officer saying more things like 'YN's mother would be thankful' which leads to more sniffles.

A super buff security officer stops them in their tracks "I just checked with my superior and...." 

Before they can let out a sigh of relief an officer yells from afar "Hold on there just a minute!"

They were totally going to get thrown in jail.

They all hold their breath.

"He says to escort you guys personally"

YN's legs almost give up from the panic "Thank you..."

Once they get escorted to a local shop and leave Reigen melts on the floor, YN feels like she just done drugs and Mob is just devoid of emotions still processing what happened.

The officer gives her a nod "No worries ma'am, it's just that with the news about the disappearance and aerated water factory it can be dangerous if you and your family wander too close"

"Factory?" YN piqued in interest.

"Yeah" The officer replies, tone casual but there was something uneasy in his eyes "It was a factory near this church orphanage that produced aerated water in large quantities but got shut down after a while, but the factory was never destroyed, so it was just left to be abandoned. It doesn't stop punks from entering and getting themselves into trouble though"

YN nods "If I could ask, what type of accident?"

"It's alright" The officer replies even though his voice tightens, Reigen and Mob listening intently "Some kids were getting brave for their own good —one of them jumped into the pool of aerated water. The kid died on the scene even after resuscitation because rescuers had to fish him out from below"

"Was it that deep?"

The officer shook his head, eyes darkening "That's the thing ma'am, the kid was a national swimmer"

"Then why couldn't he swim up?" YN couldn't hold her curiosity, even though she was getting uneasy by the second.

The officer turns his gaze to her as they reach their stop "That's the thing about aerated water— you don't float. You sink"

Reigen instinctively starts to talk to Mob, talking louder to drown out the silence from the conversation.

-

Reigen heaves out a shaky breath "See I told you...I'm Reigen Arataka"

She looks at him panting "You...Definitely are"

“Are you the exorcist?” She asks peering through the tiny crack of the door cautiously.

YN grabs her stuff out of the taxi "Our old church..."

"A little shocked right? I feel you" He lugs his bag and knocks on the door, it takes a while for the person to open the door, probably peeping through the peephole to check before opening the door to reveal the nun.

She shakes off the feeling when the two are out of sight and quickly follows behind.

“Yes indeed we are" He replies smoothly "This is one of my old friends she’ll tag along if that's fine”

“Yes it is no bother, the pastor always said the more the merrier”

“Alright, so what's the problem?” She escorts Reigen around, YN can't help but let her hand run through one of the chairs that she used to sit in. The memories of being young and somewhat free make her heart thump a little.

“Ah, by the way, don't tell the pastor that…” She looks down and mutters something, Reigen tries to ask her to speak up but she’s muttering even softer. 

“I once tried telling the others about the oddness of it all, but they just called me deluded” Well maybe this lady was a little in YN’s mind.

So he bends down to her to hear her better, she seems alright with this “Don't let the pastor know you’re an exorcist please, calling an exorcist at a church is considered an omen of the devil”

“Oh, Uh, can do ma’am. You hear that Mob”

Mob nods, his eyes shifting left and right “Yeah, I can"

Reigen looked around to see if anyone was within earshot before speaking "You mentioned in the call, that the children here have always been tired but now more than before, right?" 

After all the random getting sick and stuff could be from a bunch of things that aren't spirits “Follow me to the back please, I told the others that I’ll make the dinner today so we could have some alone time”

“If you wanted alone time we could go to a coffee shop nearby,” Reigen says when they enter the kitchen.

“Actually most workers of the church are not to go outside unless for groceries and such”

“I see, anyways continue”

“The children in the church have been getting sick every month and we can't seem to see the problem, I tried to make them veggies for an entire month and disinfected the whole area as much as I could but…”

Sister Sana nodded, her features scrunching up from the memories "Yes, it usually fluctuates from time to time after the pastor prays for them but..." Her voice softened, and a small sniffle could be heard "..We almost lost one of the kids the other day"

Mob's eyes twitch ever so slightly, a flicker of anger and concern washing over his features.

YN thinks that the lady might be a little unhinged but Reigen is writing everything intently in his notebook, she peaks at it. 

Reigen catches his expression "Are they fine now?"

"Just barely..." She takes a deep breath to compose herself, then sighs shamefully  “They keep getting ill.....Well they always have been ill in a way..but now it takes a week for them to be in tip-top shape”

“If that's the case why won't the church close for the orphanage? Seems unsafe”

“We can't possibly do that, well the children do get better after a couple of days moreover some people of the town rely on the priest for healing - but it's what happens in between” She shudders “They go through so much pain in the time between, it's horrible but we get reporters and donations after, then they get better. It's strange, and I always hear creaks upstairs and the whisper of something oh it's horrible"

YN grabs the boy's shoulders gently to stop him. “Oi Mob, why are you spinning?” 

It's just a fat question, does this man know what's going on?

Reigen catches her glances and shuts his notebook “Mob do you sense anything?”

“Not really Shishou, but we should look around because I feel something..” Mob trails off turning in a full circle.

YN doesn't get what he means but she can already tell that it's going to be a hard job

“It's just" He stares out the window "I feel something everywhere and nowhere…I always feel like this with spirits but it's stronger but also not?” He paused, clearly struggling to put his thoughts together “I’ve been feeling this way since last week so I can't really tell the difference” Reigen nods at this looking around more.

“Odd” Mob does a final spin before speaking again "I can feel it everywhere but nowhere...It's all around me but at the same time...not?"

-

Upon arrival, YN didn't sense anything creepy about this place, only the lingering feeling of something that she shrugged off.

But now she’s certain, that something felt off with the building.

“Reigen…” she said worryingly "Can't Mob do his magic and get the spirit out of here like he did before?”

“Exorcise” He corrects then proceeds to walk forward “But no he can't, he needs to get really close and the spirit will know if something's up. It's already sketchy that we're here, to begin with”

Dimple pops behind YN, she feels the urge to smack the blob of gas if not for the fact he was made out of gas "It was my pride and joy"

“How do you know that?”

“Well, there was this cult near Mob’s place called ‘LOL’ or something, but Mob couldn't really exorcize it until he got close to it. And now we’re in a church so there's a bunch of other spirits so it's hard to tell which is which”

"He made some guy spit in my face," Mob says nonchalantly.

"What the hell Dimple"

"Hey-hey don't look at me like that, it was a…."

"But was the spitting necessary?"

Dimple just opted to fly closer to Mob instead of her, which was better anyway since his aura kind of tickled against her neck “Back on the topic on hand, I’m just going to assume that the spirit is as I hate to say this but” Reigen tries his best to muster out his next words “The spirit is as smart as Dimple”

“You prick! Did it really hurt your pride to call me smart” Dimple shouts, face scrunching up.

Reigen shrugs “Whatever we’re dealing with is definitely sentient and knows what it's doing”

YN feels a little out of place in the panning tao she does the next best thing, not helping "I guess I'll finish last week's sodoku in the-"

“And to think this guy started off by scamming people, he sure knows his spirits now”

Reigen turns to Dimple seriously “Shut up, we need to think logically” 

“Maybe if we survey the place for long enough we can catch it” Dimple says.

“Exactly, and once we do… Grab it, Mob what do you think?”

Mob shakes his head in agreement “Shishou is right, we need to be sure of it also in case we cause too much trouble”

"Yes but that's exactly why you and Dimple will be talking to the priest, you can definitely pull it off"

Reigen grape her shoulder pulling her back "Oh no you are helping"

YN groans "With what? don't you think that it'll be suspicious if were all huddled up together"

"Reigen I am not flirting with the priest"

"The one with the hot priest, Anthony Scott?"

"First of all why would your mind go there, secondly I think you're the best and also I don't want to do it"

YN groans but just nods because she doesn't know how to play sodoku, Reigen senses that she isn't too convinced so he adds "Fine, and also I've been watching a bunch Fleabag"

"Yes obviously him" Reigen says with so much offense and sass "Who else could play him he's- I'm getting distracted, let's go Mob"

Dimple scoffs and turns to YN "You watch shows with a hot priest and you're at church? I can see why you're interested in coming here instead of being home" YN sighs and smiles at the thought of Reigen finding the priest hot before mentally preparing herself.

-

The room has a yellow brooding hue with a hint of purple dusting the air if that was possible.

Probably.

She sneaks up behind him before coughing very nasally into her arm to get his attention “I am…Interested in donating” 

“Oh, why thank you, bless your heart” He smiles brightly ushering YN inside, and then sits down on the long chairs “Since you're new, do you have any questions?”

“Well technically speaking, I'm not new. I used to go here when I was younger”

“I never forget a face, what is your name?”

“YN, YN LN”

The pastor takes a moment to think then does a mini hop like a rabbit “Oh my have you grown, just look at you” He takes a closer look at her “You used to come here with three other friends did you not? You were all so adorable, other than your children playing tic tac toe with the handouts”

She laughs remembering some of it “Yeah, it was the good times. Speaking honestly, I was hesitant about coming back here” She doesn't know why she feels so open all of a sudden, this could be because finds comfort in talking about a time she was happy.

A small silence settles in, the pastor sighs “We can only hope for the best decisions” YN looks at the pastor to see what he means by that but she decides to stay silent when his face shows one of remorse, thinking to himself with deep grief - she regrets bringing the subject up.

“Really?”

“Well recently, there have been many missing cases, and it's not advised to cross the state, especially when there is a lookout team at the moment. I don't know how we managed to come here without trouble”

He stiffens at the mention of it while gripping tightly on his arm which looks like to is injured and is covered by a gold silklike cloth “Why yes… I’ve heard of those” 

A laugh interrupts the silence, it feels like the gloomy room is lit up without light.

“The children must be having fun”

“They seem to be, yes. They’re always running around causing a ruckus around here but in a way, I envy it”

“Envy?”

“I don't have a leg yet I’m faster than you, pick up the pace squirt”

“The joy in a sense do you not YN?” He turns the question back to her “-That was out of line for me”

Her answer is an immediate “Yes”

They both smile, knowingly.

“H-Hana, m-my stamin-a can't keep up with your whee-cha-chair”

YN bids goodbye to the pastor who just gives a fond smile as she rushes out to see what's going on outside.

What she saw was none other than a crime scene, a girl in a wheelchair laughing like a Disney villain and poor Mob on the floor hyperventilating.

YN quickly asks him if he needs an inhaler which he replies “I’m super weak an old lady even beat me in running” 

To which the girl in the wheel-chair, howled with laughter clutching her stomach.

Once Mob calmed down Hana (wheel-chair girl) passed him a bottle of water “I still can't believe an old lady beat you, you're so freaking funny”

Mob turns to YN for help for a reply and she just shrugs “She….was really fast…”

It was so contagious that YN let herself laugh a little until the girl fell out of her wheelchair, Mob ran to her assistance which she accepted wobbly from laughter.

“Sure sure bowl-cut boy and I was speeding my way to victory. Maybe you're the grandma”

“I am clearly a boy”

“No but- I’m going to die” The girl indeed looked like she was going to die from how red her face was getting, she kept laughing.

The laughter was cut sharp when Hana spoke "So now that I've proven how much better I am compared to this chump, can I help you defeat the demon that you're here to exorcise"

YN wouldn't be shocked if she was, wait maybe she might be one.

YN feels a light thump on her chest, looking around for anybody overhearing them "Whaaaaaaa? Us exorcist? At a church? Mob will you get a look at this fool?"

Mob nods his head rapidly but also shakes it, agreeing and also disagreeing to not be rude to both of them "Not a fool but I agree, I agree"

Hana sighs and points at YN "Sure, now why are you here sneaking around the blond dude who is definitely not your husband after you said to the receptionist you guys were?"

"Well because we c-"

She shushes YN up with her hand "Sure lady, I'm sure during the lockdown where cats and some adults go missing is a good sign to come here to visit your fake mother"

YN and Mob just stare and gulp "You caught us, are my acting skills that bad?"

She looks at Hana who rubs her head in shock "Not gonna lie, I just guessed this so it's glad to know I have great intuition. I must be a psychic or something"

Before YN could say more she noticed Reigen discretely not so discreetly waving his hand to signal them to him.

"But why not?" YN cant slap a child but might be able to explode one with her brain. Hana kept being persistent with YN running out of excuses to come up with when suddenly, shockingly Mob spoke up.

"As much as I love this little thing that's happening-"

Hana stops YN from talking again, this reminds her of her office but she doesn't feel like slapping anybody "I know you guys are going to defeat the cool demon, can I come?"

"First no we are not going to the demon and secondly even if we were no way we're bringing you" YN says slightly sternly as she would be with Sherman.

“No, you can't help” Mob says with the voice she uses when she scolds the interns.

“What? Why not Shigeo” She crosses her arm across her chest.

“It's going to be dangerous”

“Oh I see what you're doing here”

“What am I doing? I'm standing still-”

“You think I can't do it because I don't have a leg! You're an ableist, I knew it”

“What? W-WHO”

YN walks over to Reigen who has gotten tired from looking like a creep behind the tree, tilting her head to whisper to him “Do you think we should step in?”

Do all children know how to gaslight?

Angel's wings appear on his head before she sees devil horns “Nah not yet, I wanna see what happens” They both grin watching Mob stumble over his words, Dimple eats some popcorn he found in the trash and watches from the distance.

“I am not an ableist, i-i just think you-”

She shoots him a peace sign, pulling on her eye “Just kidding”

Mob feels his psychic level go up, he has never felt so….. many emotions "If you let me finish…” he inhales “I don't want you to get seriously hurt if anything happened”

"So let me come along, I clearly beat you in a race so I can hold my ground. Are you calling me weak?"

"That's not what I meant"

"What did you mean then?"

Reigen claps his hands together finally deciding to cut in before his student destroys the whole church by exploding. When Mob struggles again YN interviens "What he's trying to say, Hana, this is a super top-secret mission"

"That makes me want to join more" She whines back.

"Which is another reason why you can't come along" This time puts a firmer face "Please?" 

Hana and him have a staring competition which ends with Mob in tears.

Mob rubs his eye before his face goes back to normal 

“You really care about this mission going well not to include me?”

“I think I do care if you get hurt, well anyone. I want to make sure we can race again and I'll beat you in a race”

Hana stops talking, Mob didn't know it was possible “Don't go saying stuff like that…!” She throws a water bottle from the side of the wheelchair with her red face and rolls away so fast Mob couldn't see if she turned left or right.

"Okay.....Well Reigen" YN says folding her arms "Would you like to enlighten us on what we're supposed to do"

Reigen just snickers "Ah Mob I always knew you had a thing with that Teru kid but I didn't know you were a ladies' man"

Mob looks at Reigen like he wants to both go into a shell and strangle Reigen for saying anything.

"Oh right, okay listen up team. While you guys were slaking off" Mob looks at Reigen again who coughs "I might have found something. Remember the nun that hired us?"

"What about her?"

"She started making grammatical mistakes but not the normal kind" He says lowering his voice like he was revealing a grand conspiracy.

"Uh-huh" YN replies unimpressed  "And how does this help?"

"Just wait!" Reigen says holding up a finger "I was walking around and got hungry so I ate my jelly—"

"Of course you were" YN muttered. 

Reigen quickly grabs her arm to stop her from walking away "Listen there's more! Her eyes. There was definitely something in them"

"—And I saw her walking around. I was about to ask her something before she just stopped walking"

"What a weirdo" Dimple says, YN swats him "Shh"

"Anyways she just looked at my hand and walked away even after I called after her. I might have pissed her off"

"Oh gosh what did you do"

"I might have touched her shoulder that was sticky with jelly juice?"

YN groans "Great, so we have a nun that's pissed at you because you touched her shoulder with sticky jelly juice. Let's just go apologize and get this over with"

Mob nods understanding what's going to happen calmly.

"Like conjunctivitis?" YN replies, confused about the relevance.

"Like something swimming in them, she apologized later but something's definitely up"

YN lets out a sigh "So what's the plan?"

"I'm working on it" He replies, clearly winging it.

-

Back in the mini cabin near the church Sister Sana rented out for them, YN took a step outside to take a breather. 

After all, she was going to talk to her tommorow.

She hears someone open the balcony door and sit next to her “You okay?” It's Reigen.

“Why wouldn't I be”

“You're staring at a dead lizard”

“Well go ahead and ask”

“That I am..” She watches a group of red ants slowly but uniformly make their way to the dead lizard .”What else can I do to mentally prepare myself to talk with a maybe possessed nun?" 

“I'm not the best at comfort but-”

“It's nothing, I mean now that I say nothing it has to be something” YN looks at Reigen like he’s about to walk away the moment she speaks when he won't, Reigen just grabs a bag of chips and opens it for both of them to share “We got all night”

“I don't want to keep you up though”

“You won't, I forget it's not good to smoke before sleeping plus” A soft gust of wind blows in the air, it smells like trash but they don't move “Mob’s sleeping and coping somehow…I wanted to kill time quietly” He wiggles his leg over the balcony “Any hot gossip?”

“Like I have drama in my life” She scoffs “You know what. Talk about yourself, the exorcism thing I saw that day, was the only ‘dramatic’ thing that happened in my life”

"Okay let me think" She looks at Reigen for a moment "I never came around to ask but do you have hearing aids now?"

"Oh you noticed" He says playing with his hearing aid on his left ear "I've had it for over a year"

"What happened?"

"Some explosion, I'm lucky I'm only deaf in my left ear. Somehow my right side is completely fine"

"Thats good- Wait a minute, explosion? Are you referring to the terrorist attack with the whole broccoli?"

"Uhm hehe" He coughs into his hands "Okay next question"

Choke.

YN stares him down before giving up “How did you and Mob meet?”

He thinks for a moment, and smiles fondly “Well I and Mob have been together for a long time, we met when I was about to close the shop. Sometimes I think he’s an angel like I believe in. But in a way, he’s made me a better person”

“Really? Well you have always been a good person, to me at least”

Look.

Swallow.

Realize that was gross.

That was what Reigen did in that specific order.

YN quickly hands him water, he wipes his mouth looking away before saying anything more because he could implode at any moment “You…I haven't been the best, trust me. He could turn an angel into a better person"

YN suddenly feels her heart relax after a couple of minutes of silence.

“Yes YN, one hundred times seriously” 

“This has to be my favorite way to spend my yearly break” Thinking about it more, it seems a little depressing she adds “Usually I just wallow in my bed or work part-time jobs”

“That sounds hard”

“Eh, it pays bills”

“Don't you have friends”

“Of course I do” Reigen says confidently while sweating.

“Well, do you?”

“Well…If you ever feel- I don't know, feel bored? I don't know, I'm bored. You can visit us and watch Mob do his psychic stuff”

YN looks at him, Reigen sees something in YN's eye, and it's definitely not conjuntivities “Are you serious?”

He sees stars and answers her “Serious for reals”

“Serious serious?” Her heartbeat quickens, is he doing it out of pity?

“No seriously I don't want to—” She doesn't actually care because Mob is cool but is so unsure.

Reigen shoves her to the side gently with his elbow “Tagging along doesn't really distract Mob, to be honest. He likes showing off a little, little rascal and keeps getting more confident by the day. With you around, he could even get better and learn new tricks”

“You think so?”

“You question my judgment a lot”

“I mean…” YN laughs, she misses him. His hair looks like it never aged, she can’t stop smiling so she turns away to look at something else “Nevermind, thank you. I’m happy to be with you again”

Mob’s silent snores can be heard from the room, it must be getting cold in there considering they left the balcony door open. Reigen suddenly seems to change in demeanor, “YN, can I be frank”

Well, that was sudden “Uhmm, sure?”

“Why did…” He wanted to say it, yell it “You did not change your clothes? You've been in those disgusting things the whole day, you might wake Mob up from the smell” 

She was already making her way to the shower room.

YN faltered backward on her palms face changing from nervous, to shyly pissed.

“W-what? I already took a shower asshole, there's a drain below us. When did you get so rude,”

Reigen raises his hands to the side “Well, sorry if I can't stand to smell your stench” YN will have to hold her punch for another day.

“I…am going to sleep, you should take a shower….you’re shoulder kinda smells like rotten milk”

“What?!”

Reigen sniffed himself, he does kinda smell like it.

He has a faint smile on his lips as he replays the conversation that they just had, which for some reason kept him in a dream-like trance as he stares of into the distance.

-

The next day YN wants to chicken out when she reaches the hall but Reigen just shoves her in and leaves with a thumbs up.

Talk about an asshole.

She slowly enters the main hall, nervous, and notices someone arguing "Lead...you'll...fine" 

Something falls and suddenly Sister Sana appears, her face looking paler and paler.

Like a rotting corpse.

"Uh, Sister Sana are you feeling well?"

She just stands at the doorway, her hands twitching.

Sister Sana kept stepping back until YN stopped her holding her shoulders to stop her, that might have been a bad idea because her hands tingled, and feels a shiver up her spine like something was crawling up her back.

"No fine, you want to come in?"

"Yeah no worries I'll help if needed" Before she actually goes in she steps forward reluctantly making YN take a step back.

YN signals to Reigen and Mob.

Mob emerges and yanks YN's body away.

She stumbles before finding her footing and rushing over to Reigen "What the plan?!" 

YN blinks trying to keep up "An opening for what?"

Reigen, who was hiding behind a chair, yanks   YN down before she could get hit with any of the ruble that were being thrown around by Mob "Funny thing, I don't" He looks over to the side before YN could lecture him "We could play conga with her"

"I swear to God if you're making a joke right now" YN is so close to strangling him.

"Wait, shut up and listen!" He cuts her off frantically "She’s not moving much, just standing in one spot. That gives us an opening"

He points to the ropes that hang on the sides of the curtains "You grab the left and I'll grab the right and on my mark throw it to me ’ll soak it in the holy water I—acquired—from a very reliable source, and then we’ll give her a good old-fashioned holy Molotov with wet ropes"

YN stares, torn between bewilderment and the urge to smack him.

She nods her head and makes it toward the other side of the room.

He could have exploded her arm, inflate it a little, Mob thinks - but he couldn't go with the plan, throughout this whole fight he’s just trying to leave as little damage to the church and try not to hurt her and the building too much.

“YN?!” Reigen shouts from the other end when Mob takes a longer time to get up.

“I’m working on it, give me a minute shit” Her hands still knotting the ropes, and sister Sana slams her hand on Mob who gets up and deflects it.

YN throws Reigen the rope she’s tied from the curtains, all that scout training was useful in the end. 

Once that was done she ran and called for Reigen “Catch!” She throws the ball through her chest at him, he grabs it. Mob, who is still blocking the majority of the attacks is faltering “Mob jump!” He jumps and YN and Reigen run through her with the rope making her fall.

She's knocked out.

so much for leaving as little damage.

"Mob! Reigen are you" His hands are scratched when he gets up  "Yup I'm fine, ouch" YN grabs him and runs to hide behind a box "Are you okay?" 

"I'm...I think I should be fine- Shit you're bleeding" He has to hold her a little "Am I? Ow...Where's Mob? ow" She says moving her head to look for him but the more she moves the more the headache builds.

As if on cue Mob emerges from the ruble and Reigen grabs YN carefully in case he jostles her too much "Shit he might lose control, YN I-"

"Don't get mad"

"Mad why would I-"

YN whips out holy salt that was acquired from one of Reigens notorious rivals.

-

He would throw a tantrum if not for the situation, he thinks for a moment thinking of a solution before speaking "There are kids in the other building, you need to move them out of here to the playground or something in case it collapses" He quickly instructs her.

She nods immediately and hands the salt to him "Goodluck"

When she said she wanted excitement, she did not mean trying to save kids from an almost collapsing church.

The kitchen with all of the children was the opposite of what she expected considering the ruble and stuff, they seemed to be enjoying it.

That was before a large chunk of the ceiling almost squashed a kid.

"Children I've come to rescue you so if you all could just not-" 

"The end of the world is here, the priest did always say God hated orphans, we're all orphans!" The girl who almost got squashed yells out, what do they teach orphans?

"...Scream, single file I need at least twenty of your short heads to go. Now!"

YN grabs the little kids and alerts the other nuns and workers in the building to grab the infants. 

"Nineteen...Who else is" She looks around the room to hear the lack of a nagging voice "Oh God, Hana?! Is Hana here?" Everyone looks around in a blurred motion, all too shaken up.

YN quickly rushes back inside the building.

"Hana?! Hana-" YN hears a faint voice, and she runs towards it.

"Why are you even here?" YN says frustrated as she carries her out of the building, the ground shakes again.

She shouts again, it's like playing marco polo before YN sees her wheelchair tipped sideways on the floor with scratches on her arm "Are you okay?"

Hana looks up giving her a hopeful look before quickly switching her personality "My entire arm hurts but I found out about the super evil sister nun that I didn't know about, talk about a plot twist with no build-up"

She takes that as a yes.

"Well, I sort of didn't listen to Mob and spied around a little and found out some stuff" YN is too worried to get mad before she remembers "Jelly?"

She sets Hana down and looks back to the scene where everything is happening.

The aura thickens for a moment and a burst of light shines through that no one can seem to see.

YN quickly rushes back to the building to only see Reigen beside Mob asking if he's okay and a tied-up nun with salt in her hair.

She thinks she heard Reigen cuss out a small "Damn that bastard makes some good holy salt"

Reigen and Mob notice her and wave her down.

'Damn It, I missed all the good fighting stuff"

YN rushes towards them kneeling to check on Mob, he seemed alright and she ruffled his hair with a relieved smile.

Then she checks on Reigen whose face is scratched up, she punches him lightly "How the hell are we going to explain to the authority that we visited my 'mom' and accidentally destroyed a building?"

"The authorities?" Reigen echoed, wincing as he touched one of the scratches on his face.

"That little stunt caused a mini earthquake, did you guys know that Hana somehow helped us indirectly?" She replies half amused and half annoyed. 

"Uhm no? Maybe this spirit hates it, but it's pretty odd for a spirit to reveal itself as she did. It looked like she was so repulsed by it, which is weird considering she kills cats - she's pretty stupid"

"Huh?" Sweet Mob asks "I told her not to help"

"Well she did, apparently our little spirit here hates jelly- Hey dimple, do you hate jelly?"

Mob tugs on YN's shirt gently "I can fix the building" Before she could reply, the building was repairing itself.

YN would faint if not for the fact they still needed to deal with Sister Sana being tied up on the floor.

"But you have the wr-"

Speaking of the 'devil' she stirs awake seemingly unaware of what happened "W-why am, please its all a misunderstanding"

Reigen glooms over her "Sure it is lady, you called us and got us looking but you didn't think we would find you, HAH"

Reigen stepped forward, trying to remain nonchallant to explain the situation to the priest who was still confused "It's not, well it kind of is but you need to be-"

The priest rushes in a panic "Are you guys alright?! I just saw the children outside, I was just visiting neighbors before I felt the earthquake hit- Why is sister Sana tied up in a ring of salt, please tell me this isn't a ritualistic-"

There is a very pregnant silence between everyone, thank God the building was fixed before he rushed in.

Sister Sana struggles with her bounds, her face losing color and her face looking fainter as the second goes on.

The priest notices and rushes to aid, face filled with only urgency.

She shakes her head and looks over to YN "Please you've got it all wrong"

The three of them—YN, Reigen, and Mob—could only stand there, frozen in their awkwardness. YN couldn't help but think, Why isn't he throwing her to jail or something? Or at least tell the police about it, but maybe since they're in a church he's being forgiving.

He takes a deep sigh, Sana continues to struggle "I forgive you, Sana"

"What? N-no, you-"

He kneels down to her level "I said I forgive you, sister, in these trying times I feel like we could resort to anything" Sana struggles on her bounds but stops when the priest holds her hands remorsefully while looking down "Relax, you don't have to worry anymore" She falls limp in his arms "I'll protect you"

But for real, this woman has probably killed so many cats and people. 

Then again, if he forgives her, it's whatever.

The three of them can only stand awkwardly watching the ordeal.

"There is no place for an exorcist in this place but...On this very special occasion, I guess I could let it slide, just this once. I heard you helped with the orphans YN and Reigen, thank you"

"It's no problem" Reigen replied quickly forcing a smile.

The priest ponders for a second "I must say, I'm surprised the building looks almost brand new considering the children said the building was falling and Hana's scratches" He side-eyes them, clearly skeptical.

Mob nods furiously at this.

They all laugh nervously at this, YN cleared her throat  "About that, there was an earthquake that caused-"

"A huge one!" Reigen interrupts, a little too loud.

The priest nods and looks at sister Sana's limp body on his lap before he scratches his arm once more before appearing calmer.

He winks at them "Don't worry I'll keep your secret" He gently picks up sister Sana "I think I'll take it from here, just make sure the children are okay before sneaking out, alert an ambulance if you can"

YN doesn't fail to notice the increased red blotches on the priest's robe, seemingly getting bigger "Are you okay though Pastor?"

The priest's expression twisted for a fleeting moment into something like fear before he quickly shook his head, smiling again "Must have been from the earthquake, the stitches must have opened up again" He takes a breath "I'll handle the authorities, in the meantime, I think you children should skadalde out of here - I'm sure the police won't do well when they hear someone didn't go visit their grandmother's place"

"How did you-"

"A friendly cop was sobbing holding a bush knocking on everyone's door because 'a blond man and his partner are visiting someone who has cancer' so I'm guessing my wild guess is correct?"

YN gapes at this, the sides of her mouth twitching "Spot on.."

They nod without making a fuss, Reigen sends a bird to call the paramedics to the room to alert them before leaving.

As they make an exit to the back door YN feels something creep up on the back of her neck, she rubs it to check before shrilling silently.

Reigen turned towards her trying to shush her before he shrilled with her, only he wasn't as quiet as her.

"Oh my god Mob do something, it so ew, ew ew ew ew!"

She frantically slaps her neck, feeling it crawling "Get it off! Get it off!"

Mob calmly removes the centipede, gently plucking it from her neck, as it floats the dread in YN's face only grows  "Is that a—?"

"Gross it's a centipede," Dimple says with a disgusted expression before slurping the offending creature "There, problem solved"

Mob looks at Dimple with horror "Dimple, that's disgusting"

YN looked like she was about to faint while Reigen was leaning on a tree to try not to.

While the adults who seemed to be on the verge of a full mental breakdown over a bug, Mob and Dimple navigate the two to a secluded area to pull themselves together before slipping past security to the nearest train station.

"Close, but it's to always collect your deposit!"

Reigen heaves a breath and looks at Mob "So Mobbu, what have you learned from today's job?"

Mob thought for a moment, expression serious "Not to trust nuns"

-

The ride home is surprisingly relaxing after everything that went down.

Well, it's mostly because everyone was tired.

YN looks out the train's window to enjoy the view while she can, there's only so many things you can look at in a city “I can't believe I used my weekend for this, I'm going to be so behind at work”

“You sure have a lot to be worrying about on a weekend” Reigen says opening his onigiri he got at FamilyMart.

“Yeah, it sucks balls” She agrees but then shakes her head “But actually scratch that, I don't think I would have a better use of it”

“I mean what would you do, if not for work?”

“I don't know, maybe catch up on a show and write-” Oh she let that slip out.

He wishes he could have said goodbye to Hana, YN reassured him that she was fine with minor scratches.

“You write?"

“Well not really, it's just something I do in my free time”

“Oh well, I hope it goes well. I tried writing a book once" He swats his hand raising his brows "Did not go well”

“He made mob write the whole thing”

“Dimple!”

“You what?”

“Well….it was uhm…you see….”

“Mrs.YN it was kinda fun actually so I didn't mind all that much” Mob defends.

“You trying to make him your slave? Mob if this bad man hurts you, I won’t hesitate-”

“I am not abusing my power! I even give the kid extra pork slices-”

“Sure you do” 

Mob just leans on YN’s shoulder blushing as Reigen and her argue, Dimple seemingly also feeling tired rested on Mob's lap. 

Mob also notices that YN tends to move more when she smiles similarly to Reigen when he gets money from customers, is she happy now?

He hopes she can be happy.

YN smiles and rests her hands on her chin, the scenery outside is nice.

She should do this more often.

-

They all reach home, Mob agrees to do another job which in return for a raise and a week off work.

“Weird that we both beat up a nun?” He jokes.

They somehow ended up talking about their moms when Reigen made a 'Your Mom' joke “Yeah, I don't live with her anymore. What about your mom?” YN says.

“Pretty much the same, don't talk to her much these days”

“We have that in common, it's weird” 

“Weird that I can speak to you again” YN says seriously.

Reigen is a little shocked about this but relaxes “Yeah, I guess”

“Come along with me then” YN feels like he's trapped even though he isn't holding her.

Reigen looks at his watch, it's only 4:30 in the afternoon so he grows some balls and asks “Are you bored?”

YN checks her phone, she left Sherman with her boss at the library and is only supposed to pick him up in late evening “Yeah I guess, I have another day off"

She steps forward, Mob is buying a snack with Dimple.

"What? Come where?"

"Anywhere" He hovered her hand as if he was asking for permission - YN wasn't sure if he pitied her, but right now. 

This was Reigen, asking for her hand. 

Someone wants her company.

She grabs him back, gripping him tighter.

Her heart burns.

It hasn't burnt in a long time.

"Anywhere.." with you "sounds nice"

She lets them go after, but the smiles never leave their faces that day.

Consumption 0%

a/n THANK YOU FOR READING,,, this is actually part of my fanfic that i have been working on for ages and also im trying to feed the Reigen 2024 drought that the fandom is experiencing.

[alexanderflowerbird]

DAY 14

Today was such a long day at work, lemme tell ya. Ugh. I really wish that I could quit my day job, but what's new right? Us writers end up having day jobs for so long while we toil away at our personal projects, kind of just accepting the suffering reality that if we could live off our writing, we'd be able to tell our stories, and so many more stories, in a more timely fashion. This morning at least, I sat down to get some work done and I'm very happy with it. I cried a lot while writing it, as mentioned in a previous personal post lol, but I think it's the exact thing I should be writing, to be emotional about it while I do it. It's cathartic for me in a way that's hard to describe to make a character that represents all the painful realities of my mother, who has been the only constant in my life, while making a case for the fact that I believe she deserves so much grace and empathy and understanding by portraying a woman that I think is as complicated and ultimately loving as I believe my mother to be.

In the beginning of Blood Sun Territory, you hear about Felina through Malachi, and while Malachi fucked things up with her, his love for her is never in question. He demonstrates through his memories of her that she is rough around the edges, that she loves hard and predominantly shows how much she loves others through her actions. His view of her is deeply loving, even if it isn't romantic, and his view of her isn't dishonest. It's just not the whole of her. So leading with the first two chapters where you are with Malachi and hear about Felina through Malachi, it's easy to see why he loves her so much, to fall a little bit in love with her too.

Chapter 3 is when you meet Felina, when you're in her head while she's enacting a small, but impactful cruelty upon her daughter and you're meant to understand that this is how it always is between them, that now that Mercedes is a teenager, Felina barely knows how to be around her daughter without hurting her, and sometimes, she wants to hurt her, not in a ruthless and cruel sort of way, but in the way parents who don't have any other skills reach for the most base, easy and self satisfying tools to get their way with their children. She knows it's wrong, but she still does it. She thinks about it being wrong when she's alone with it, but she can't get herself to change.

This is my experience of my mother, growing up believing that she barely liked me, even if she deeply loved me. Feeling like she never understood me and didn't want to, but would die for me if the circumstance called for it. And it's a strange sort of love... and while my mother is the type of person who rarely opens up about the complex qualities of her heart, I hold an enormous amount of empathy for how hard it must have been for her to love me and not know how to love me correctly. So. I give you your excerpt today where I introduce you to Felina, and share with you a peek into my mother as I know her now, knew her then, fear sometimes I might become her, and love her anyway.

Taglist: @theskeletonprior @tragedycoded @badscientist @thelittlestspider

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1…2…3…4…5… Felina counts her breaths as she forces them to slow, leaning over her sink with her head hung between her shoulders. Behind her, the frantic, clumsy clinking of pieces of porcelain is disrupting her count, jostling her barely there calm, beckoning her temptingly. She could just react. Mercedes is old enough now that coddling her is unnecessary, disadvantageous even when she needs to grow up stronger and more independent than Felina had been when she first entered the world. Felina is struggling with herself about many things in this moment, so being silent is the safest course even though she wants so, so badly, to give Mercedes a reason to remember this moment, to change her course and stop fucking everything up. Is she fucking everything up? No. She’s going to fuck everything up, maybe. Mercedes has been slacking on her chores, shirking her responsibilities, she disinterested in study and daydreams about god knows what, some boy in town or some place she’s never been to probably. Marriage, like most young girls, even though Felina never put that ridiculous life goal in her daughter’s head. Mercedes is standing next to her with her hands full of a broken plate and even though Felina isn’t looking at her, she can sense her daughter’s fear. She’s never hit her daughter, she’s raised her voice plenty but it’s not like she’ll ever be a quiet, gentle woman, what the fuck is Mercedes so scared of, just now? If Felina’s approval mattered so much to her she’d stop fucking everything up. She’s not fucking everything up. 

“I’m sorry, momma. I’m sorry.” Mercedes whispers. Felina doesn’t answer her. She’s counting her breaths and she’s never been one to respond to apologies or thanks. She doesn’t need apologies or thanks, she needs action, so when those words come out of people, the silence after them is decisive, reflexive, a rejection of social niceties Felina thinks are useless exchanges. She knows the silence after I’m sorry or thank you hurts Mercedes, but she can’t ever seem to remember that and fill the silence for her daughter when most of the time, Mercedes is about as relevant to her as anyone else in the world. She won’t change her speech patterns to soothe her daughter, but she would die for her. She won’t simply forgive the broken plate, not without making sure Mercedes knows better than to let it happen again, but she loves Mercedes more than she’s ever loved anyone. Isn’t that wrong? What’s wrong with her? 

“What are you doing?” Felina asks when she looks at Mercedes, who is standing there with the broken plate in her hands, still trembling a little, eyes wide and searching like a scolded dog. She blanches and Felina knows the look. Mercedes thinks she’s made another mistake, already. She hasn’t, why is she so skittish all the time? If she’d stop fucking everything–

“I… I didn’t know if you wanted me to throw the pieces away or if you wanted me to try and fix it. I could fix it, maybe. ‘Member when we read about Japan? How they did the gold, with broken plates and stuff? Maybe… Maybe I can make it better. Not with gold, but… I could use my paints?” It’s a stupid, sweet suggestion. The plate’s worth all of three dollars, it’s more the trouble of going into town to replace things like this than that it's broken that’s frustrating. It’s not worth anything, repairing it is a waste of time.

“Throw it away.” Felina says, openly tired, indifferent to the way Mercedes’ hurt floods the air between them. She’s a teenager and her emotions are so, so loud. It’s exhausting, knowing how her daughter feels all the time, it’s painful, knowing how often she’s afraid, it’s confusing, how Felina can’t seem to find the energy or sense to do anything about it. Mercedes is so smart and strong, she’s independent and vibrant, she loves animals and likes to learn how things work. She is perfect, Felina knows it. As perfect as any person can be, and she will be such a fine woman. When Felina imagines that woman, she feels so much pride it fills her up from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. But right now, she’s almost that woman and she’s upset and anxious and asking for attention all the time. When she’s older, maybe she won’t be so emotional. Felina feels guilty to look forward to that, but sometimes she wonders if she’ll survive that long, if their relationship will survive that long. 

Sometimes, when she shouts at Mercedes and her daughter goes to her room and cries and cries and cries, Felina remembers what she was like at Mercedes’ age. She would’ve run away, if she had a mother like her. She did run away, as soon as she could do it without ever looking back. Sometimes Mercedes goes out to go work for their neighbors or to wander the open pastures between their farm and town, and Felina wonders if she will suddenly just disappear. It won’t be death, or danger that sends Mercedes away from Felina. It will be Mercedes deciding she doesn’t want to be scared anymore. Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t Felina teaching her something important, even if it’s accidental and cruel? Felina goes to get her wallet and opens it, producing a few bills. She puts them in Mercedes’ hand once she’s thrown the broken bits of plate in the trash. 

“Go into town.” Maybe don’t come back. 

“Get a couple new plates, something you think looks good.” I’m sorry, baby. It’s just a plate. I don’t know how to tell you about your father getting out of prison, or how I feel, or why I am so angry all the time. I don’t know how to explain it, and even if I did, it’s none of your business. You’re too young for such burdens.

  “Get some icecream or something, too. Just be home when you’re supposed to be.” I forgive you. Please forgive me. 

“Go see Chashwi, see if she needs you to do anything for her.” I love you. You are growing up so well. Go be with someone who’s better at this than I am. 

“Be back well before sun down, you hear?” Please come back. If you don’t I understand, but please come back. 

“Yes momma.” Mercedes says softly, and she crushes the bills in her hand before wrapping her arms around Felina. Mercedes probably knows something’s wrong, even if Felina is doing her best to be as she always is. There’s benefits to being so hard– if you’re harder than usual, most people can’t tell it’s because you’re hurting about something. But not Mercedes. Mercedes knows. And Felina doesn’t even think it’s because she’s Mercedes’ mother. Felina thinks it’s because her daughter is the sort of kind that can sense the aches and pains of others, and rather than doing the sensible thing and ignoring them, she reaches out with soothing, tender intentions. Felina hugs her daughter, petting her dark hair once. 

“Go on.” She says tightly. She’s never cried in front of Mercedes, she isn’t starting today. 

“Yes momma,” Mercedes repeats. “I love you,” She says shyly at the doorway to the dining room. 

“Love you too.” Felina answers. She does. She knows it, with every part of her. She does. She does, doesn’t she? Maybe not the right way. She’s trying, she really is. She does. More than anything in the world.

[perenlop]

✨❤️✂️🧠 for all of team starfall!!!

KJDL:GJFDL:GJDFL:GJDFLGFDG EVE OMG YAY

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

-skylar: tbh i just thought skylar was a really pretty name and wanted it for one of my characters at the time. i coulddd change it to something that has more meaning that aligns with their character but uhhhh their original name within the story kinda does that anyways i think dfklsdf. im attached at this point

-asha: *hangs my head low* i saw it in wings of fire and thought it was cute. ok but for real i decided it for asha after looking up the meaning, which is "life" which sounds broad but considering her story is about how she and certain antagonists are not sure if she deserves life at all? is fitting

-valerie: another name that i just thought was cute. you can see a theme here. but the word valerie is often associated w fairies and mermaids, at least when i checked it was, and valerie is both! so on a superficial level it works

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

skylar: they would tell you that taking down their first ultra beast with little experience was one, or unlocking their psychic powers- it made them feel on top of the world- but their real best memories was one evening after a particularly harsh day- they and asha had been targeted again and struggled to find a place to heal- everything slowed down. this was earlier in their travels, and both were panicked children who didn't Quite gel at first. skylar was even planning on running off if it meant they wouldn't get attacked. but that night, they were prepared to sleep off their injuries until asha went out and got them food, and came back with that and a warm blanket they'd taken. asha put the blanket around them, making sure they were comfortable, and pat their head until they were nearly asleep. though it was still restrained since asha didn't want to get too close and hurt skylar, it was one of the first moments of intimacy skylar could remember. that was when they realized they wanted to stay with asha despite their differences and situation.

asha: castor taking them out to see the stars at around age 8 after a really stressful day where she shut down, almost glitched out and couldn't talk to anyone because they were just afraid they'd break. she felt humiliated and self hating because this happened at school. castor, wanting to help her feel better, flew her up to the clouds and they searched the night sky for all of the other planets and stars out of their reach. the whole time, asha was wrapped in his wings, trying to show her that he wasn't afraid of her despite her condition being contact-based, as well as give her physical comfort. it's part of why the night sky is so important to her, it's one of her core memories.

valerie: marlow deciding that it'd be good for her to know her water type roots around age 10 and taking her on a small trip through the ocean's edge and rivers through serenade falls, including letting her play behind serenade's popular waterfall. since marlow would often have to work hard to support them, it was a beautiful day where the two of them could just bond and be normal siblings for a day, and it was also when valerie could just explore and find new things for a day.

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

skylar: it's hard for them to place. most of their memories are gone, and only a few vague ones appear to them in the form of dreams. but they would consider those dreams nightmares. the worst one they can barely describe, is of their own body being stretched and strained while hearing a voice crying in either anger or sadness, until they came apart entirely.

asha: being separated from her family. it was the first time she was really, truly, all alone. and not only that, she was trapped in an unfamiliar world with no guidance or comfort, and they were being hunted by... someone. multiple people. things. everyone was out for her. it's not a memory she likes to reflect on.

valerie: trying to perform on her own for some time without marlow's help, believing so hard- even with her condition, she could perform moves fine, so she'd be okay, right? and for a while, she was. but she wore herself out hard. she ended up being bedridden while her aura stabilized, missing the winter solstice festival that year. the guilt on marlow's face haunts her to this day.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

skylar- oh the main thing i love about them is a. big spoiler JLKSDJFLSDJFDSF but otherwise!! i really enjoy thinking about their backstory and how it's affected them to the present. they're very similar to valerie in a lot of ways (to a point i might have to tweak them further actually) in that they've been restrained for so long that they just revel in the fact that they can just... do whatever they want. be free. not hold anything back. it takes them a bit to realize, what with the amnesia, but by the time valerie enters the picture, they're a chaotic force to be messed with!

asha- oh i will project onto her so hard. ok for real i am just a sucker for characters that are stoic, blunt, and lonesome to a fault but have a kind spot that shines through, and theyre like that because of a wall theyve put up that has to be lowered with time. asha starts off the story as a very jaded person who hates herself to the point that if she didnt fear death so much, she would have just let it consume her. but their story is about them learning to love themself as they are and take control of their life and let them seek out things that make them happy, and realize how she's impacted the lives of those around her. idk shes very special to me and i love her sm...

valerie- BY FAR it is her optimism combined w her insecurities. omg. first of all her joyful personality is so fun to write, and it's not a front or anything, she's not inconsiderate like princely is in BoP's beginning, she's just someone who loves the people in her life, loves the world around her, and wants to be a positive influence for everyone. the problem that comes with that though... is that she's a doormat. she doesn't often get what SHE wants because she's just giving and giving and giving. she doesn't think she doesn't deserve to take, necessarily, but the opportunity just isn't there a lot of the time. the few times she's reached out to try and get what she wants most- an adventure around the world- it's been squandered somehow. whether she gets denied an escort request or someone in her life puts the idea down because "you're too frail for that! it'd be better for you and everyone to sit still". i don't like, LOVE that ofc but it just makes her feel very real to me. i think she's admirable and its understandable to me how she changes throughout starfall... and in the end, still decides to be a positive influence, now being able to stand up for herself and getting the aide she needs.

[thebibliosphere]

I had a question.

So, just an hour or two ago, I was going through some sort of “manic high”, sorta like how somebody with bipolar disorder would have (I don’t have BPD). It felt like a bullet train at max speed and completely derailing, and it was incredibly draining. It also got me wondering.

Do people with severe enough ADHD deal with ADHD episodes like this? My search attempts are often futile because all of it is just talking about how to differentiate between BPD and ADHD and BPD manic episodes, but nobody ever mentions ADHD episodes; the only time I’ve seen it mentioned ever was when somebody made a clip of crankgameplays to show what an ADHD episode looked like.

Do they even exist? I’ve got no idea, so I was just wondering if you knew.

Hey! Sorry, I saw your other ask a while ago, but I wanted to talk to my ADHD specialist before I answered because I’d never heard of the term “episode” being used to describe ADHD. I’m also going to splice both questions together here and answer them in segments in the hope it helps :)

So like I said, I’d never heard of the term “episode” with ADHD, and neither has my specialist. Part of ADHD is having a natural ebb and flow between inattention and hyperactivity, sometimes skewed toward one or the other, depending on your ADHD type. (What are the different types of ADHD?)

Your type of ADHD may also fluctuate because of other factors, such as stress, changes in medication, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, overstimulation, or even under-stimulation, to name a few. Another overlooked part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, which may cause rapid cycling emotions that may look like an “episode” to someone unfamiliar with what that actually qualifies. The way my therapist explained it and using your example of bipolar disorder, “episode” is used in diagnostic criteria to categorize manic or depressive episodes that last X amount of time, are usually severe, potentially requiring hospitalization, and are accompanied by other symptoms not found in ADHD.

Our “bursts” of energy or lack thereof typically don’t last long enough to be considered episodes. This isn’t to say they are not severe or debilitating, especially if you suffer from things like anxiety or depression that ADHD can feed into. Merely that “episode” is not used as part of the language used to discuss ADHD, which is likely why you’re not finding anything.

So, do ADHDers experience intense bursts of energy that are draining afterward? Yeah, we can do, especially if we lean more toward hyperactive than inattentive. (And again, it's normal to fluctuate and also for things to be affected or worsened by secondary factors.)

And I'm going to put the rest under the cut because this is hella long.

I’ve seen some people think that all hyperactivity has to come with fixation, but that’s not how ADHD works. It’s true if something gets us excited or gives us a dopamine boost, we might be more prone to becoming hyperfixated and burn all our energy up on that. But you don’t need something to fixate on to experience hyperactivity. Some of us are just wired to the moon sometimes, and yes, it can be very draining when it ends. Some people find medication helpful in regulating their hyperactivity/preventing it from coming in such big swings and dips.

Speaking personally, when I'm hyper and nothing is grabbing my attention, the world and people around me can feel painfully slow. It's like I'm going a mile a minute doing everything but achieving nothing. The crash that comes after can also be particularly bad, as I also have dysthymia, which can tip over into a major depressive episode depending on other factors in my life at that time. For years I was misdiagnosed as having "probably Bipolar Type II" by a doctor who didn't believe teenage girls could "get" ADHD* and convinced my parents I needed psychoactive drugs. The drugs I was on didn't help, in fact, they made me worse so I was taken off them.

It wasn't until I found an ADHD specialist as an adult a few years ago that I made any real progress. And I'll be honest, I was shocked when she diagnosed me with ADHD, I really didn't think I had it. Right up until we started doing the work and slowly but surely my mental health began to improve and my understanding of myself with it.

Sometimes there are days when I will be wired to the moon and it will derail my entire day because I can't focus on a single thing/I'll focus too much on a single thing. Other times, like when I am closer to my menstrual cycle, I'll crash into inattentiveness and depression because of how my hormones affect my various different conditions, including my ADHD. Medication would likely help with this, but due to medical reasons, that's currently not an option for me so I do the best I can.

That said, if you’re experiencing something more than hyperactivity but it's not mania, you may be experiencing a form of hypomania and you should talk to a doctor about your concerns.

Hypomania typically occurs in Bipolar Type II disorder, which is less severe than the manic episodes in Bipolar I. I’ve experienced both manic and hypomanic episodes in my life due to medication interactions, and they felt very different from ADHD hyperactivity. It's not just derailing mile-a-minute thoughts, it's something usually completely mood-altering and out of control feeling followed by devastating crashes.

If you're on any medications and are worried you are experiencing something like this, you need to talk to your doctor. You might just need a dosage tweak, or you might be better off on a different medication altogether. Also, make a thorough check of any and all medications you are taking to check for any interactions.

I'm on a cocktail of meds for my MCAS, which if I were to combine them with the SSRI one of my doctors wants me to try, would result in serotonin syndrome. The doctor didn't notice this, but the pharmacist sure as shit did!

Some people (ask me how I know) even develop mild hypomania from overusing the sunlamps used to treat SAD (link), which is why brands like Verilux now include warnings in their leaflets about not using the lamps for more than X amount of time a day. Thankfully it goes away once you stop overusing the lamps.

Which actually brings me to something you asked last time about being unable to sleep at night. Insomnia and delayed sleep phase cycles are not uncommon in ADHD. This is likely because our circadian rhythm is thought to be out of whack (link).

You also mentioned having racing thoughts at night too, which is not uncommon either with hyperactivity. I find if I get overstimulated before trying to sleep, I’ll end up lying there awake with what I like to call “radio ADHD” playing in my head. It can range from snippets of songs stuck on repeat, conversations, things I’ve watched on TV, arguments, or if something is happening the next day, fixating on not being late for it. Hence, I end up getting no sleep because you can’t accidentally sleep in if you don’t sleep. *jazz hands of despair.*

Sometimes I find Radio ADHD soothing if it’s fixating on something chill, but it can get annoying fast and even distressing if I’m tired and can’t “change the station.” (I’d say “shut it off,” but as of yet, I’ve never been able to do that. Medication helps some people with this, as can looking into “sleep hygiene” if you haven’t already.) Conversely, if I’m bored or something is too stressful, I will 100% fall asleep because my brain would literally rather just turn off than do something I don’t want to do or is a low dopamine reward task.

Brains are fun.

Anyway, I uh, I am not sure if any of this is useful to you, but I hope it helps. Mostly I'm just repeating back what my specialist said when I asked her about it lol. Good luck, and I hope you figure things out.

----

*NB: It's important to note that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be comorbid. It's not a one or the other situation. I’m just throwing it out there in case hearing that helps someone else pursue the proper diagnosis!

[samwisethewitch]

Tapping Into Your Psychic Senses

Every single person on the planet has psychic abilities, but most people never realize that they’re using them. As Tess Whitehurst says in her book You Are Magical, “There is almost certainly something you assume that everyone can perceive that is actually a perception that is relatively unique to you.”

For example: you may be a gifted artist. Drawing and painting come naturally to you, and you have an intuitive sense of form and color. You probably know people who claim that they “don’t have an artistic bone in their body” or “can’t even draw a stick figure,” but you can’t bring yourself to believe it. Surely, those people are just psyching themselves out, because if art comes so easily to you, everyone must be able to do it to some extent, right?

Psychic abilities are similar. You’ve probably been tapping into at least one psychic sense all your life, but it feels so normal to you that you assume everyone experiences the world this way.

Once you become aware of your innate psychic abilities, you can start to harness them. For this reason, I think it’s a good idea to become familiar with (and comfortable using!) your natural psychic gifts before you try to learn any kind of divination.

Read over the following list of common psychic senses. Does one or more of them sound familiar? Once you recognize which of these you resonate with, focus on strengthening that gift over the next couple of weeks. You’ll be amazed by how easily you’re able to tap into it once you know how!

Clairvoyance: Clear Seeing

Contrary to popular opinion, the word “clairvoyance” does not describe any and all psychic abilities. Someone with clairvoyance receives psychic messages through their sense of sight. They may see these messages with their physical eyes, or see images in their mind’s eye. Seeing auras is an example of clairvoyance in action.

You may be clairvoyant if…

You often see flashes of light, blurred figures, or other visual phenomena that others do not see. [Note: This is NOT the same as visual hallucinations. Clairvoyants typically see things with their mind’s eye, not their physical eyes, and can differentiate between their visions and what is physically in front of them.]

You often experience random mental images that seem to have nothing to do with what’s going on around you.

Your meditations are primarily visual — for example, if you meditate on the element of water, you may see a bubbling fountain in your mind’s eye.

You are a visual learner.

Ways to Strengthen Clairvoyance

Keep a journal of the mental images you receive “out of nowhere.” Do these images mean anything to you? Do individual visions fit into a larger pattern?

Meditate on the energy systems in your body, starting from the feet and working up to the crown of the head. What does your energy look like? Are the colors bright and clear, or more faded and muddy? Does the energy move quickly, or is it slow and sluggish? Are there certain areas of your body where the energy seems to be tied up or stuck? How does its appearance correspond to your life? 

Do research into auras and what the different aura colors mean. Do you always seem to see or think of a certain color when you’re around a certain person? How does that color represent that person’s energy and personality? Write down your findings.

Clairaudience: Clear Hearing

Someone with clairaudience receives psychic messages through their sense of hearing. They may hear messages with their physical ears or “hear” them in their mind. A medium who hears spirits is an example of someone using clairaudience.

You may be clairaudient if…

You sometimes “hear” things in your mind, as if someone else was talking to you from inside your head. [Note: This is NOT the same as “hearing voices” or auditory hallucinations. Clairaudients usually “hear” messages with their mind, not their physical ears, and they can distinguish between psychic messages and physical, “real world” sounds.]

Sometimes, when you listen to music or watch a movie, a specific lyric or line of dialogue seems to jump out at you, as if it were a special message.

Your meditations are primarily auditory — for example, if you meditate on the element of water, you may hear a babbling brook.

You are an auditory learner.

Ways to Strengthen Clairaudience

Keep a journal of the messages you “hear” out of nowhere. Are they consistent, forming a larger pattern? Do they all seem to be “in the same voice,” or coming from the same source? (If so, this could be a deity or spirit guide reaching out to you.)

Do a meditation with the intention of holding a conversation with a helpful spirit guide. (If you are not comfortable working with spirits, you can set the intention of speaking to your inner self.) What does their voice sound like? Is it different from or similar to your own? Do they speak with an accent or have a unique inflection? Write down your thoughts.

Experiment with shufflemancy. This is a modern form of divination where you put a playlist on shuffle and receive a psychic message from the song that plays first. (You can find playlists specifically made for shufflemancy online, or make your own.) How does the song make you feel? Are there certain lyrics that jump out to you? Write down your thoughts.

Clairsentience: Clear Feeling

Someone with clairsentience feels psychic messages, either through their body or through their emotions. They may feel physical sensations, like an upset stomach, or may be very sensitive to emotional energies. Intuitively picking up on someone’s emotions without needing to ask is an example of clairsentience.

You may be clairsentient if…

You often feel physical sensations, like a hot flash or a cold chill, out of nowhere.

You are able to feel other people’s emotions — you can always tell when someone has had a bad day, even if they’re trying to hide it.

You can sense the “vibe” of a room as soon as you walk in. Do certain buildings feel “angry” or “sad” to you? Can you always tell the energy of a party even if you just arrived?

Your meditations primarily focus on tactile sensations — for example, if you meditate on the element of water, you may feel waves lapping at your feet.

Ways to Strengthen Clairsentience

Pay attention to your “gut feelings.” Do you feel a sinking sensation when thinking about something, only for it to go badly later? Do you feel a warm, fuzzy sensation thinking about something, only for it to go really well? Write down your experiences — and be honest. It’s okay if your gut feeling doesn’t always match the outcome.

Do a pathworking meditation (this is just a type of meditation that focuses on taking a mental journey) to a forest, or a beach, or some other location that appeals to you. Try to feel as many tactile sensations as possible, as if you were really there. Feel the grass or sand under your feet, feel the wind in your hair, feel the sun on your skin. Write down your experience.

Practice feeling the energy of a plant or crystal. Reach out and touch the plant/crystal, and try to feel it out. Does it have a calm, stable energy, or is it more bright and zingy? Try feeling a different plant/crystal and see how it feels different. Write down your experience.

Note: Some (but not all) clairsentients are also empaths, people who take on the emotions of others as if they were their own. All empaths are clairsentient, but not all clairsentient people are empaths. You may be an empath if you often find yourself matching the emotions of the people you’re around — you cry when they cry, laugh when they laugh, etc.

Claircognizance: Clear Knowing

Claircognizence is the gift of psychic knowing — people with this ability often “just know” things, even if they should have no way of knowing. They may know what someone is about to say before they say it, or know personal information about someone they just met.

You may be claircognizant if…

You “just know” what’s going on with your friends and family, even if they haven’t told you. For example, you may suddenly feel like you need to call your sister, only to find out after you call that she just broke up with her boyfriend.

You always know who a text is from as soon as your phone dings, or always know what song is going to play next on shuffle.

You often know things about new people as soon as you meet them, only for them to confirm it later. Did you know your friend was a vegetarian before he told you, even though you’d never shared a meal with him?

Your meditations often include “downloads” of information, where you feel like the answer to your question or some other revelation has just been dropped into your brain.

Ways to Strengthen Claircognizance

Every time your phone goes off, try to guess who the message is from. Keep a tally of how often you’re right vs. wrong.

Do a meditation with the intention of receiving the answer to a specific question. Retreat to a place of stillness and focus on your breath until the answer to the question “just comes to you.” Write down your experience.

This is a game I used to play with my sister before I knew what claircognizance was: have a friend show you a picture of someone they know, but whom you have never met before. Focus on the picture, and see if you get any info about the person — are they a jock? Do they like rock music? What’s their personality like? Get your friend to confirm or deny the info you got from the picture, and keep a tally of how often you’re right vs. wrong.

The Other Clairs

There are two other “clair” senses that are less common, so I’m not going to talk about them at length here. Clairalience, or “clear smelling,” refers to receiving psychic messages through smell. (If you smell roses out of nowhere, with no roses in sight, you may be using clairalience.) Clairgustance, or “clear tasting,” refers to receiving psychic messages through taste. (If you taste chocolate out of nowhere, you may be using claigustance.)

In my experience, these psychic senses are less common than the ones listed above. Most people I know who have clairalience or clairgustance seem to use it as a secondary sense, in addition to a primary sense like clairvoyance or clairsentience.

Conclusion

You are probably using at least one of these psychic senses every day, without even knowing it. Most people have two to three “main” psychic senses, but some may regularly and easily use all of them. For example, my primary psychic senses are clairsentience and claircognizance, but I also find myself receiving messages through clairaudience fairly often. It’s rare for me to receive clairvoyant messages, but it has happened.

Once you’ve identified the psychic senses that you naturally lean towards, you can begin to develop and strengthen them.

Resources:

You Are Magical by Tess Whitehurst [Specifically the chapter, “Reading the Signs.”]

The Fat Feminist Witch Podcast, Episode 68: “Clear Knowing”

The Angel Code by Chantel Lysette [Specifically the section on the psychic senses.]

[therealvinelle]

Hi, I was reading a post here in Tumblr about how Edward has two gifts, he can hear thoughts and is super fast, so I wonder what is your opinion about this topic?.

Furthermore, what others power might the Volturi's leaders and guards might have?

Edward has one gift, and it’s telepathy. Being fast isn’t a gift.

Strength, speed and even senses is varied among vampires. Some, like Emmett, are on the extreme end, but that doesn’t make Emmett gifted, nor does it mean that the rest are at an equal level. The Cullens have clear variations between them.

Physique appears to play a dominant role in how these variations play out: Alice, who was malnourished and never made it past 4′10″, is the physically weakest of the coven, while Emmett at 6′5″ and a mountain of muscles is the strongest. This is made very clear during the baseball game:

“Emmett was hovering close to third (base), knowing that Alice didn’t have the muscle to outstrip Rosalie’s fielding." (Midnight Sun, chapter The Game)

There’s also the fact that it’s taken for granted that Emmett would be intimidating to other vampires, and he is dismayed when James is more worried about Jasper, who is lean.

I suspect this disparity exists simply because a large frame means more tissue to have blood in. Newborns, animal, and human-eating vampires all having a difference in terms of strength is proof that blood has the final say in a vampire’s prowess, so Emmett being able to contain more of it than Alice and therefore being stronger makes sense to me.

This isn’t the meta for me to get into that, but I don’t think vampires have muscles in the sense we do. Or rather, we can’t know that they do. Renesmée is proof that Edward retains his human DNA, or she would be a clone of Bella. Nahuel is proof that Joham retains a Y-chromosome. Does this mean that vampires have different cell types? Does a vampire’s stone-like skin still contain human DNA? One would think yes - except, if you rip a vampire apart, you get rubble. The parts are all solid. There’s also Carlisle theorizing that vampires digest blood by absorbing it through porous tissue, which makes me wonder why he dismissed his digestive system (my guess: vivisection fun times with Aro in Volterra. Carlisle couldn’t have done it on his own, and Aro is the only one mad and curious enough to be down for that). I’m getting off-topic - what I’m saying is, we don’t know how vampires work, meaning I can’t build this meta off of the assumption that they have muscles. I simply can’t know for sure that they do.

The important thing is that a vampire’s physique is a deciding factor in how strong they are.

There’s also Laurent’s warning about James, that he has “unparalleled senses”, meaning some vampires are better at sight, hearing, and smell than others. I can believe that, because we have canon examples of vampires being bad at tracking.

There’s Edward in Port Angeles, who couldn’t track Bella’s, his singer, scent to her location, and (I admit this one is conjecture but it’s so probable that I say it goes) Carlisle’s creator, who after taking care of the mob must have realized he’d bitten one of the humans, meaning a newborn would soon be loose in London. This is punishable by death by the Volturi. The fact that he didn’t return to finish Carlisle off means that he was unable to find him. I remind the audience that Carlisle was bleeding and suffering the effects by a venom intended to paralyze the victim. To put it this way, Carlisle wouldn’t have survived James, or anybody with a trace of tracking competence. By comparison, Carlisle was able to locate a dying Rosalie by the smell of her blood, even though there wouldn’t have been a trail for him to follow, as her body had not been moved.

When it comes to these disparities in strength and speed among the Volturi, I imagine Jane and Alec are the physically weakest members of the guard, and among the slowest. They’re prepubescent, meaning no muscle for them, and their height (a humble 4′8″ and 4′10″) implies very short legs. They’re simply not going to get as far as an adult would, not in the same number of steps. Renata at 5′0″ is another tiny vampire lady who likely isn’t very strong or fast.

That’s not to say I think these physically weaker members of the Volturi guard are necessarily useless in hand-to-hand combat, Alec at least is a boy stuck in a playful age, and the males around him are trained warriors. He’s probably picked up a few things over the years.

As for the others, Aro is described as frail-looking, which hints at him being quite thin. I don’t think he’s weak, if he couldn’t win a fight he wouldn’t be around, but I do think he’s probably below average in terms of strength. Caius I picture as a Harrison Ford type, so of course I’m gonna think he’s a bit burly, but this is me headcanoning and not actually hinted at in canon. Marcus is 19, so I imagine he can only be so strong.

Back to Edward’s speed.

He’s a 6′2″ teen, that’s code for “very long legs”, though I’m actually going to go ahead and posit that he’s not actually that fast. Strap in for this next part:

The guy was a teenager who lay dying for an undisclosed amount of time. The fact that Carlisle had the time to get to know his mother points to a few weeks, at least. And Edward was very ill:

Elizabeth worried obsessively over her son. She hurt her own chances of survival trying to nurse him from her sickbed. I expected that he would go first, he was so much worse off than she was. (New Moon, page 21)

Muscles atrophy quickly, never more so than when you’re a teen ravaged by fever, on your deathbed. And as I’ve explained above, I think your physique in life ties directly into your vampiric prowess.

I think Edward is certainly the physically weakest of the male Cullens, quite likely weaker than Rosalie as well, maybe even Esme.

Now, speed is not the same as strength. However, for humans, the two are connected. It’s the muscle fibers in our legs that determine our speed. Basically, type I fibers make an enduring runner, type II fibers make a speed runner. So, assuming that vampires retain their human musculature, one could argue that Edward had a lot of type II in life. However, Carlisle when he was human was able to outrun the mob he was with:

He ran through the streets, and Carlisle — he was twenty-three and very fast — was in the lead of the pursuit. (Twilight, page 158)

Carlisle clearly had a lot of type II fibers, and unlike Edward he was in peak physical condition when he died. He was also an adult who’d had more time to develop musculature, while Edward was a seventeen-year-old. If musculature was a deciding factor, one would think they would at the very least be of equal speed, though realistically Edward should be slower.

So, if it’s not muscles, what is it that makes Edward faster than the others?

It could be a matter of technique. Except, the way Bella describes movement when she wakes up as a vampire, it’s all very automated. Her body knows exactly how to do everything, and executes it without much input from her:

After that first frozen second of shock, my body responded to the unfamiliar touch in a way that shocked me even more.

Air hissed up my throat, spitting through my clenched teeth with a low, menacing sound like a swarm of bees. Before the sound was out, my muscles bunched and arched, twisting away from the unknown. I flipped off my back in a spin so fast it should have turned the room into an incomprehensible blur—but it did not. I saw every dust mote, every splinter in the wood-paneled walls, every loose thread in microscopic detail as my eyes whirled past them.

So by the time I found myself crouched against the wall defensively—about a sixteenth of a second later—I already understood what had startled me, and that I had overreacted. (Breaking Dawn, page 251-252)

Growling, crouching - those are all distinctly vampiric, non-human ways to act. Bella didn’t learn this, her body knew it of its own accord. When she later runs, she explains it as happening the same way - she just does it.

The way Bella experiences it, vampiric movement is like a package she downloaded, and that executes her instinctual commands with no need for her to actually know how to do any of this. Her grace is another example of this - Bella Swan may be in charge of her own consciousness, but the venom is entirely in control of her body.

Given these facts, I don’t think it’s technique that makes Edward a better runner than others. His technique is likely similar to everyone else’s. If it isn’t, if technique is what makes the difference, then who is and isn’t fast is an arbitrary process.

With that, we get to my controversial theory about why Edward is the fastest Cullen: he’s not.

Running and being fast is the only thing about vampirism that Edward enjoys. This is for another meta, but Edward is extremely depressed about every single other bit of it. Every aspect of being a vampire torments him.

Except the running. He enjoys all of it, especially being the fastest, so much. And as a newborn, he would have been faster than Carlisle.

But after that, when his newborn strength faded…

I honestly think that Carlisle decided to just slow down a bit when running with him, let Edward have this. It’s no skin of his back, and it makes Edward happy, so why not.

Esme joins the family, and of course she would be down for this. Nothing is more parental, more maternal, than losing at checkers to make your child happy, after all. Could also be she’s not very fast herself, but even if she were then she would downplay it to make Edward feel like Jesse Owens.

Enter Rosalie, who would think it’s completely ridiculous, yes, but she would also recognize this excellent opportunity to call in a big favor from Carlisle later on. There’s also the fact that I think Carlisle has a gift (yes, yes, meta is coming, people) that makes him very persuasive people. And also that for all that Rose gets a lot of bad rep, she is very generous and loves her family, if being fast makes Edward happy then alright.

Emmett is an easy-going guy, he goes along with things. Alice adores Edward and would go along with it. She also has tiny matchstick legs and couldn’t outrun him if she tried. Jasper could not care less.

Bella does get outrun by Edward after waking up, but she also did zero exercise in life (listing this in case musculature matter), had Renesmée devour her from within rendering her emaciated, and then died like a slasher movie murder victim. There’s not a lot of blood in her, and what little blood there is doesn’t have a lot to work with. She does defeat Emmett at arm wrestling, so I’ll concede that. However, there are enough extenuating circumstances surrounding Bella that I think my “Edward isn’t that fast” theory survives his ability to outrun her.

So, I believe Edward is the fast Cullen because Carlisle told a white lie in 1919, no one ever corrected that, and now it’s too late.

[mypoisonedvine]

Hey, J.D. I know I'll miss tonight's aleepover because of prior plans so I wanted to submit this early if that's okay, if not I understand. I had the thought of reader having to share quarters/room with the Stucky boys and the reader has a really vivid sex deeam that causes them to sleep masturbate. Figured you could go wild with all the lovely, filthy ides of how they'd react to being woke up to that.

missions often called for close quarters, it was part of the deal.  you were relatively comfortable with it by now.

at this point you’d shared a tent, room, or bunk with nearly everyone on the team.  even steve, once.  but the idea of being in a cabin-- in a room in a cabin, specifically-- with steve and bucky was a little intimidating.

because, well, you sort of had a crush on them.  both of them.  and it wasn’t as bad with just steve because he was oblivious to it.

but bucky knew.  either he knew, or he was just accidentally perfect at torturing you about it.

no, he had to know.  he gave you too many unambiguous looks to dispute that.  he knew and he was toying with you.

in fact, ‘toying’ is a good way to describe what you were picturing as you fell asleep with them only a few feet away on either side.  bucky playing with your body, exploring you with those damn metal fingers.  using toys on you.  filling you with objects-- some meant for sexual stimulation, some not-- until you begged to have him inside you and nothing else.

but steve definitely wasn’t being left out, no you dreamed that he was watching it all go down, waiting patiently for his turn stroking his cock and encouraging his friend to fuck you harder: “really get her warmed up for me.”

steve heard your heartrate pick up, your breathing shift, and he furrowed his brow.  “do you hear that?” he whispered to bucky across the room.

“of course I do,” bucky answered instantly.

“I think she’s dreaming,” steve announced.

“she’s wet,” bucky sighed, “I can smell it.”

“that’s what that is?” steve gasped.  “smells... delicious.”

“steve,” they heard you mumble, and you’d said his name plenty times before but this was not like any of those times.  this was obviously a moan.

“she’s calling for you, pal,” bucky teased, “aren’t you gonna help her out?”

“she doesn’t know what she’s doing,” steve frowned.

“please, please,” you whined, your body writhing as you mindlessly reached between your legs.  “fuck me, please, bucky.”

“well, I’m not one to leave a lady hanging,” bucky grinned as he hopped out of his bed and slipped into yours.  he shook you awake as he cuddled up behind you, whispering your name.  “you alright, babydoll?”

“huh?” you whimpered groggily, “oh god, bucky...”

“were you having a dream, sweetheart?  you were being a little noisy,” he purred.

“do you really want that?” steve interjected.  “us?”

“I think that much is obvious,” bucky chuckled, kissing your neck as you shuddered.

“but I want her to say it,” steve explained sternly.

“ah-- I want it,” you moaned, gasping when bucky grabbed your face and turned you to kiss him, his tongue swirling against yours while you felt the weight of steve beside you in your bed.

it was already a cramped space, but the three of you in bed was nearly impossible.  not that you minded being pressed tightly against them, sandwiched in between them like the luckiest filling in a very muscular macaron. 

you didn’t even know whose fingers were reaching down to pull your panties aside, who was circling your clit as you moaned against bucky’s lips.  steve kissed your cheek and jaw until he coaxed you into breaking away from bucky to kiss him instead.  he was less aggressive but more precise, taking exactly what he wanted from you while bucky’s touch tickled down your back-- and you definitely knew it was him because you could feel the cold metal along with the flesh.

“you’ve got goosebumps, babydoll,” he noticed with a whisper right beside your ear that made your spine tingle.  “do you like this?”

“yes,” you sighed against steve’s lips.

“so do I,” he admitted as he grabbed your hips and guided you to grind your ass against his hard cock.  you gasped when you felt how thick it was, and choked on your moan when steve rubbed his cock on your hip and suddenly you realized you were going to have to take both of them when you could barely fit one.

“do you guys... how does this work?” you whispered.

“don’t worry about that, we know what we’re doing,” bucky assured.

“you do?”

“we’ve been sharing for the past 100 years or so... I think we can manage,” steve chuckled, making your face burn unbearably hot.  the idea that they’d done this before was hot and jealousy-inducing at the same time.  you really hoped this didn’t mean this was a one-night-only offering, because it was already the most erotic experience of your life.

bucky kissed you again as he turned you onto your back-- but instead of laying on the bed you were on his chest, his lips latched onto the back of your neck while he held you close and spread your legs for steve who hovered above you.  

but steve hadn’t even gotten to your legs yet, he was too busy tearing off your shirt to suck and grope your tits.

“oh fuck,” you moaned, your back trying to arch but failing against bucky’s strength holding you back.

“these are real sensitive, huh?” steve noticed, mumbling around the nipple in his mouth.  “been thinkin’ about doing this to you since I met you... you’ve got great tits, wanted to taste them so bad.”

“yeah, if you like those you’ll love my pussy,” you smirked, making bucky laugh.

“that’s my girl,” he whispered proudly.  “you heard her, get a taste of that cunt, stevie.”

“I’m getting there,” steve assured as he kissed his way down your stomach, navigating around where bucky was holding you, taking a detour to nip at your thighs.

“fuck, steve, please,” you whimpered, squirming a little.  steve grabbed your hips to hold you still and finally dove in between your legs, devouring you voraciously.

you were sure you’d never moaned so loud or so long in all your life.  

you broke your own record a few minutes later when steve suddenly sat up and sunk his cock into you, grabbing onto the headboard above you while bucky whispered filthy praises in your ear and pinched your nipples between his fingers-- keeping one hot and one cold from his different hands.

“yes, yes, yes,” you chanted, “oh god, steve-- right there, I’m gonna come...”

of course he immediately pulled out when you said that.  “not yet you’re not.”

“no, please,” you whimpered, but bucky was already reaching down to slip his cock into you from behind, your body still balancing on top of his as he thrust up into you.

“fuck,” he groaned against your ear, “so fucking wet, all for us, huh?”

“all for you,” you agreed breathlessly.

steve watched and fisted his cock-- slow at first, but you could hear how much of your arousal you’d coated him with as he stroked his length.

bucky slipped his metal hand lower to circle your clit while he pounded into you, and his flesh hand higher to wrap around your throat.

“say you’re mine,” he growled into your ear, “say you belong to us, and maybe I’ll let you come...”

“yours, yours, I belong to you,” you pleaded, “just need to come-- a little more, bucky, please, wanna come on your cock.”

he gave you a few more thrusts before he pulled out with a groan, making you whine childishly.

“I said ‘maybe,’“ bucky reminded you as he nibbled on your earlobe.

“you’re awful,” you mumbled.

“don’t be a brat,” steve warned.  “just take what we give you.  we’ll let you come when we think you’ve earned it.”

“h-how do I earn it?” you asked nervously, losing your train of thought as steve filled you again.

“easy,” he shrugged, “you just have to make us come.  four times.”

“each.” bucky added sharply.

your head spun as you tried to process that not only could they come four times in a row, but that they intended to take pleasure from you until they did.  you weren’t sure if you were praising or cursing the man who invented super soldier serum at that moment (perhaps a bit of both).

“think you’re up for it, sweetheart?” steve cooed, pushing in to you especially deep to emphasize his question.  you nodded, making bucky smile against your neck while steve started to fuck you faster.

“when we do finally let you come, we’re not gonna stop,” bucky warned you.  “we’ll keep going until you can’t take anymore.”

“whatever you want,” you shuddered, “just don’t stop.”

and they certainly didn’t.  as promised, they kept using your body until they’d each come four times-- they took turns with your pussy for quite some time, then filled your mouth, even let you use your hands when you needed a bit of a break although it didn’t last long.

three out of steve’s four ended up inside you, but bucky was a bit more of a ‘jackson pollock’ type, leaving streaks of his seed on your stomach first, then your tits, then all over the outside of your pussy, and finally your face.  he let you lick that one up but the rest had to stay and cool on your body while they began to send you into pleasure over and over, beyond what you thought your body could take.

“one more, babydoll, one more,” bucky encouraged as he showed off one of the features of his metal hand-- vibration.

“can’t,” you whimpered, “I can’t...”

“yes you can,” steve promised, “one more and you can rest.”

‘rest’ didn’t mean ‘stop,’ though, because that was only number eight and you finished the night at fourteen.

it was only possible because they had memorized your body by the second orgasm: they knew exactly how long to let you cool off before staring up again, so you’d be just sensitive enough to come quickly but just recovered enough for it not to hurt.

plus, they kept you craving more by praising you so sweetly for each one.

“that’s our good girl, just like that”

“keep going, babydoll, wanna keep watching you come for us”

“there’s another one, good job sweetheart”

“wow, look at that pretty mess you made”

“love feeling you squeeze my fingers”

“love feeling you squeeze my cock”

“love feeling you come on my tongue”

“can you give us another, honey?  that’s the spirit, just let go and come for us”

“how many was that, buck?  if you can’t remember we might just have to start all over...”

it was so overwhelming that you either didn’t remember when it stopped for certain, or you fell asleep in the middle.  when you woke up, steve was behind you and bucky’s body was limply draped over yours, almost making it difficult to breathe.

you tried to lift either of them off of you but they were just so massive you had no chance.

“bucky?  steve?” you mumbled, hoping to wake them up and escape to get ready for the day.

and they woke up, but quickly you realized you had no chance of escape.

“mornin’ babydoll,” bucky cooed groggily as he kissed your neck again, pulling you closer.  

“let me get up, need to wash all this come off of me,” you frowned, but steve wasn’t having any of that, reaching down between your legs to drench his fingers in the soaking mess of his and your come leaking out of you and coating your inner thighs.

“you can get up when we’re done with you,” steve assured.

“you’re not done yet?” you gasped.

“just ooooone more,” bucky promised with a wink as steve started to push his fingers inside you and curl right against your g-spot instantly.

you should’ve known it wasn’t going to be that easy.  but it was definitely worth it.

[reidyoulikeabook]

the battery was dead

Ship: GN! Reader x Spencer Reid

Warnings: Mention of case-typical violence (more specifically, a bomb), told from Spencer's perspective and he experiences anxiety about reader having been harmed (they're okay though!), Spencer's self-deprecating thoughts, general mood of anxiety throughout, stressful team situation, big feelings of guilt, very much hurt/comfort.

Word count: 1.6k (i did not intend for this to be this long but it's basically a whole thing)

A/N: This is not what I intended to write today but my brain's on a whole hurt/comfort vibe apparently so here we are: something I wrote all in one go in about half an hour. Oops.

Everybody was in different places when the bomb went off. Spencer was with Derek, in an SUV headed uptown. The explosion was downtown. Where you'd been headed. Alone.

The geographical profile had indicated he wouldn't strike downtown. The geographical profile that he had made. The geographical profile that the team had trusted, that the team had based their assignments off, that had led Hotch to conclude it was safe to send you downtown alone.

"Garcia," Derek answers, putting her on loudspeaker and glancing at Spencer who could be pictured and pasted into the DSM-V as the definition of anxiety right now, "Garcia tell me you can patch everybody through."

"I'm trying," She rambles, her voice pitching upwards, "I'm patching ___ through now I'm trying their cell."

Spencer's leg bounces. It bounces so hard it's a miracle the velocity of it doesn't send Derek veering right across the road. He scratches at his neck. There are no words to be said. No words in any language in the world can describe the fear coursing through his body as he hears Garcia scramble, pressing keys and typing and he's only vaguely aware of Derek's hand coming to rest reassuringly on his bouncing knee, managing to still it just a little bit.

"___ will be fine," He reassures him, "Just fine. I promise. It's not your fault kid, you couldn't have known, how would you have known?"

"It's my job to know."

His tone is bitter, angry, and he feels even worse for it because it's not Derek's fault. Derek is trying to help. Derek is trying to be kind and somehow that's worse because he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve anybody's kindness right now and he can't get your face out of his mind. How you'd smiled at him before walking out of the door of that precinct and how it might be the last time he ever got to see you smile and it was all his fault. All his fault.

His stomach is in knots. Garcia's practically smacking her precious equipment in her hurry and then the line goes mute.

"Garcia?" Derek asks again, "Garcia are you still there?"

There's a beat of silence and then the background noise returns, "I'm just trying ____'s cell."

What's taking so long? She could have tried by now. He's never known Garcia to be slow at her job and even though it feels like time has stopped. Fractured like a mirror, throwing off pieces, and he's trapped inside a piece that has all of the horror and guilt he's ever felt in his life staring him in the face. But she can work faster than that. Why isn't she working faster than that?

It all becomes clear as he hears her clack again. Then your voice floods the line.

"You've reached SSA ____ ____ of the Behavioural Analysis Unit. Please leave a voicemail, or if you're calling regarding an urgent matter then please direct your calls to SSA Aaron Hotcher at the following number-"

"Maybe she's already on the phone," Derek suggests, cutting over your recital of his number, "Maybe her line's already busy. Right Garcia, is her line already busy?"

"I can't tell."

She's lying. Spencer knows she's lying and it knocks him sick. He practically wrenches the handle to the window off in his quest to get it open. The cold air pours in and he feels worse. He can't allow himself to bask in any feeling of comfort when you're God knows where.

He can't let himself think like that. He blinks hard, shaking his head as if he can physically remove the images from his brain. They flash through, his neurons defying him as they keep picturing you in worse and worse scenarios, and he can't breathe.

"Pull over," He directs Derek, wrenching off his seatbelt before Derek even manages to get the car in park.

Somewhere amidst all of it, Hotch has been patched through.

"We're convening downtown. Our presence has been requested at the crime scene."

Derek is saying something to pacify him. Or he's telling him something. He can't tell because his head is swimming and then Derek is squeezing his shoulder, physically pulling him back into reality.

"Kid. Listen to me. You're not helping anybody getting yourself all worked up like this. We need to focus. We've got to work this through."

He nods. He nods because Derek is right. They do have to work this through. Even though they would be better working this through without him because he's the one who made the profile that was wrong and his contributions clearly can't be trusted and-

"Put your seatbelt on. Talk to me. Let's talk through how it could have gone wrong."

Derek's voice strikes just the right balance between commanding and reassuring. It always does. So he does it. He clips in the seatbelt and starts to ramble, discussing avenues they haven't explored before, suggesting why he could have been wrong. He's never doubted himself like this before, and it's an uncomfortable feeling. What's more uncomfortable is the realisation he's never failed you like this before.

They pull up to the crime scene. Derek scrambles out of the car, but he pauses for a beat. It's only when Emily opens the door, that he's pulled back into reality again.

"Spencer," She says, "Spencer, come on."

There are SUV'S everywhere. They've tried to contain the scene as much as they could but they needed the bomb squad, needed paramedics, needed FBI.

She's walking him somewhere and he's frantically searching around him, frantically trying to orient himself. It doesn't help that it's dark, gone midnight by now, and the street lights were taken out in the initial explosion. Most of the lights come from torches, or headlamps that people are wearing. It's not enough, he can barely make out Emily let alone find your face in the crowd.

And then he hears it. His name. Your voice.

You found him.

"Spencer," You call, and he can't possibly turn around fast enough.

He barely has before you come crashing into his arms, cinching them tightly around him. He practically scoops you off of the ground, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you as close as he can possibly get you to his body, inhaling the familiar scent of your shampoo and there's tears coming out of his eyes, tears of relief and fear and-

"Spencer," You tell him, sniffling, "Spencer you're kind of crushing me."

You let out a little laugh, and he lets out one too. But it's puffy, practically just air. He releases his grip a bit and you lean up, your arms looping around his neck and playing with the baby hairs situated at the nape of it.

"Spence I'm okay, I'm right here," You reassure him, pressing a kiss to his cheek, "I'm right here."

You are right here. He can hear the pound of your heart, he can smell your perfume, he can feel you playing with his hair in a way that tickles but is so comforting, so domestic, so reassuring that you still love him despite his fuck up, that he couldn't bring himself to tell you to stop even if he wanted you to.

He doesn't even know he's still crying until he speaks, his voice wavering as it manoveurs past the lump in his throat, "I-Garcia tried calling you. You didn't answer your phone."

"The battery was dead," You tell him, "I plugged it in in the car and next thing I know I'm getting pulled over. I got brought straight here when I told them I was FBI and I tried to borrow somebody's phone to call but they cut off cell reception here in case there was a second bomb."

He swallows. He can't say anything else, can't do anything else. He manages to open his eyes, and you lean up, apparaising him. You thumb at the tears on his cheeks, a kind of softness and love entirely exclusive to you filling your eyes along with a couple of tears. You don't look at him like you're angry. You don't look at him like you're disappointed. You look at him with a kindness he's entirely undeserving of at this moment in time and the thought spurs two more tears out of his eyes.

"What's wrong?" You ask, your voice barely above a whisper, "Spence what's wrong?"

"It was my fault," He chokes, his head dipping a bit, too ashamed to make eye contact, "I made the profile. I was wrong. I sent you here, I-I sent you directly into danger."

"It was a copycat," You tell him, "It was a copycat, he didn't get away in time and got caught up in the blast. Our guy is smarter than that, so they think this guy tried to imitate it. It's not your fault. You couldn't possibly have known, you can't profile a person you don't know exists."

The revelation is like foam on a petrol fire. It quells the pain in his chest, the one that had maliciously licked at him, igniting all his own wounds and insecurities.

It wasn't his fault.

He holds onto you even tighter, burying his face in the crook of your neck, "Thank you. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being okay."

"I'm always okay," You tell him, your voice nothing but sincere, "I'm always okay because I always have you."

With that, the fire is out. You reluctantly wiggle out of his arms, taking his hand and squeezing it reassuringly. He's not okay yet. Not entirely. It all still feels surreal, and he knows it'll take a long time for his heart to settle down. But you're here. By his side. And that's enough for now.

In fact, with you? That's enough for always.

-

Permanent Spencer tagslist:

@ssa-m-187 @reidingmelodies @cyanide-mustard @shesalatesh

@sapphic-prentiss @geostarr @kathrynisadogperson @rem-ariiana @spoonielivingfree @starsandshit90 @spencerreidat3am @takeyourleap-of-faith @calm-and-doctor @averyhotchner @muffin-cup @purplewaterbottles082 @reidsnose @wheelsup @ellesgreenaway @sunlitspence @spencerreid9 @drspencerreidd @reiding-recs @bauemily @cmily @retrxbarnes @jhillio @txmhoelland @spenxerslut @amoeebaa @veridianluv @sad-bitch-h0ur @reidtome @converse-spence @randomfavtingswall @bethc54 @sebstan-is-the-man @justanothercrazyfangirl @eli-side-blog @vntgreid @reidmeastory @reidemandweep @ggublerss @s1lverhand @cigarette-day-dread @newtmyheart @i-understood-that-reference @willowrose99 @v-is-obsessive @awesomebooklover17 @youarethereasonimsmiling @xhopingthis-worksx @agentdilf @spencerreidsconverse @nomajdetective @brown-eyedshell @randomficsandshit @bvttercupbby @thatsonezesty13 @spookydrreid @kurtuinna @loverboyspence @jswessie187 @sammicabrera @idontwantyourcookiesthanks @sweetandsunny @reidstulips @midnightstan @stylesstreet @iamhowieson @reichelhache @screennamealreadyused @joyclubie @mrs-dr-reid @measure-in-pain @slaytherinthoughts @inlovewprentiss @citlalireedus @love-you-to-saturn @drayshadow @makailaa @idonotexiste @hercleverboy @disasterwriter @kuolonsyoja @thosecriminalminds @sun-flower-seed @singularityjc @adanae91 @uwu-queen-420 @broken-stardust

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[jamestrmtx]

Wish Upon a Night Sky - [Beastars | Various x Reader]

[Female, Sheep Reader | Slow Burn]

Summary:

After calling upon the decision to test the waters between carnivores and herbivores, things at Cherryton Academy turn far more tense than they already were. Unsurprisingly, there are those who poke fun at the decision, both with good and bad reasons at hand. Calling the academy out on such high of a risk's understandable, but mocking carnivores for making friends with their opposites isn't.

Having been sheltered through seventeen years of homeschooling and the rigid rule of never going out at night, you far from expect being allowed to attend there after your eighteenth birthday. Regardless, you don't plan on cowering back. Your want to expose yourself to the real world, meet new people, and live through new experiences outweighs that fear, transforming it into strength.

Act One | Man's Best Friend

[Previous] | [Next]

Already messy files almost end up scattered on the floor, yet you manage to salvage them right on time. Your hands and legs shake just as fast as your heart beats; even breathing is a challenge with how stressed your mind is. Being around a large number of people wasn't the norm in your home; you'd been used to being a close family of six since you were born, and nothing more. Spending time with others beyond relatives was a rarity, as was the idea and agreement of having you study your final year in Cherryton -- far outside the safety of your home. Now that you're eighteen and near to graduating, your family's given you three simple rules to follow: never step out of campus at night, never join acting, and never show daintiness. All three of them emphasize the word 'never'; not a single space for protest or bargain is left in those rules. You knew the consequences of going out at night, as well as the risks of calling forth unwanted attention by choosing not to dress how you were told and letting any sort of bubbly nature out. Being forbidden to join acting was by far the only thing they hadn't explained to you by full.

"Your dorm is through here," Jack says, pointing with his eyes and snout over to a busy hallway.

While the person giving you the tour isn't exactly the type you were warned of before being admitted into this school, he isn't exactly of your type either, but more of a happy medium between the two: a dog. Not quite a carnivore and not quite a herbivore, he's what you learned to be an omnivore -- a kind you were taught to be wary of just as much as a wolf or a lion. Even then, his presence is about as warm and welcoming as sun rays on a cold, winter day, and you find it hard not to smile when he continues to show you around the place. He only ever stops when he sees he's left you far behind, a product of you losing yourself in your thoughts and the new world around you. 

His excitement is one you wish you could manifest just as much as him, though the reminder of how you had to behave at this school leads you to brush and bury those ideas away and hold yourself back.

"Are you okay?"

Jack's question paired up with his careful tone help pull you out of your daydreaming. How concerned he looks makes you take note of the expression you're carrying. Oftentimes, you scrunched up your snout and furrowed your brow -- whenever you became lost in thought, mostly. To any outsider like him, it would seem as if though you're bothered by something, so you hurry in your reply, words leaving you in a rush, "I'm okay." Your smile returns as you meet his eyes. "I just… I got caught up with something else."

"Nervous about staying here?"

"About everything, honestly."

He lets out a laugh at that, and his gaze brightens as he motions for you to follow him once more.

Your next destination is what appears to be the rooms you were informed of at the beginning of your visit -- judging by the rows of doors laid around, along with one of them left open, displaying a bunk bed in the background. There's a student by the dresser, combing her fur without so much as bothering to look at you or Jack. She's far too focused on her brushing to acknowledge she's left the room visible to those wandering outside, though -- with her being a wolf -- you assume she's confident in herself. Or you believe so, at the very least, as based on the rumours your parents and every other family member taught you.

You halt when you notice Jack stops right by that door and see him gesture over with his head for you to step inside. 

"Is this allowed?" you blurt out, rushing to cover up not a minute after that question leaves your mouth. "O- Oh gosh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that."

"It's alright," he says, chuckling. "I know you're homeschooled, so if you have any questions about how things work here, feel free to ask me!" He stops for a moment and seems to recall something along the way. "And you can come over to my place, too, if you need more help with showing you around."

"How bold of you to invite a girl into the boys' dorm, Jack." 

A feminine voice comes from behind him, and -- soon after -- the wolf from earlier appears next to the dog. She directs a cheeky grin at him, then a friendlier smile at you. "You're my roommate, aren't you?" she says, nodding her head in the direction of your dorm. "What are you standing there for? I want to get to know you!" She sounds about twice as cheerful as Jack acts. "I was told about your arrival almost three whole months ago, so the wait has been long enough."

"...You're Juno?" you ask, making memory of the list handed over to you just a few hours ago. 

She nods, eyes softening. "(Y/N), right? It's... nice to have a herbivore who won't look for a change of dorms the second she sees me."

Already feeling guilty, you can only hope she hadn't heard you earlier ago. It was a known fact you tended to speak without thinking sometimes (if not, most of the time), so you make a mental note out of it and set up a goal to improve on that throughout the rest of the year. You thank Jack and say your goodbyes before following her into the room.

At the sound of the door closing, you breathe a sigh of relief with the knowledge you've made it this far without screwing up too badly. The next thing in mind is to try sparking up some conversation, but only when you make enough mental preparation for it -- aware your thoughts might run haywire and tactless again. "But... Why would they do that? Isn't it normal at this school?"

Juno shows you around the room and stops next to one of the beds, bottom one being the only one out of all the others around to have some of her possessions settled down on it. "It's allowed," she replies and continues with, "And though it's not too uncommon for both carnivores and herbivores to be placed together... Things got a lot more tense after a student's passing." Her ears droop along with her tail, and a hint of gloom clashes with her friendly demeanor. "That's why you're the only other woman in this room, and why I…" Her body shudders as she lets out a breath. "Why I try not to walk alone in the halls anymore." She takes another breath and lets it out with a huff. A hushed swoon then seems to take her over, replacing her sadness about as quickly as her ears go back up. "Although... I guess I wouldn't have met someone wonderful, if some students hadn't cornered me for being a carnivore not long after I arrived here."

The wolf sighs, then faces you with droopy eyelids and a softer smile. "Tell me, (Y/N)... Have you ever fallen in love? It's the most incredible feeling I can describe!" She sits down on the bottom bed, though she scoots aside, leaving you some space next to her. "They say your last year at school's the last chance you have for experiencing an emotion so strong, but I like to believe it will carry on as long as your love is powerful enough for it!"

While you're a bit lost as to what point she's trying to make, you smile and nod along as you wait for her to continue speaking. 

After all, having two friends at the beginning of your final school year didn't sound like a bad idea. Hopefully, your lonely days would start to change; your conversation with Jack and your current one with Juno have been -- without much exaggeration -- the most interaction you've had during all your eighteen years of living. Knowing you were finally free to meet as many people as you'd want as well as study over brand-new things and the relationships between both kinds made your worries and doubts more than worthwhile. No matter how often your family and distant acquaintances warned you otherwise, you needed to grow, learn, explore, and see more outside what was taught to you at home. 

You hear Juno out until she asks if you have a special someone yourself; the question turns out to be a bit of a difficult one to answer with how little people you knew to this day. So far, the only experience you remember similar to that of having a crush on someone was by reading stories of adventure and challenge when you were younger. All of these were confiscated by your family whenever you gained too many ideas, fell for a character, or whenever a book so much as mentioned the word carnivore between its pages -- in a light aside from that of hostile and negative.

Although it feels like nothing short of wishful thinking, you hope your current circumstances change soon with the new path being offered out to you; in that, you carry a strong and unshakable desire over.

And, who knows? 

Maybe one day you'd be able to sneak out and watch the night sky, too -- and with a friend or two by your side, preferably.

"I don't, but…" You trail off to consider her question; overwhelmed by the changes and influenced by her energetic self, you find it hard not to follow along with her. "I wouldn't mind having one -- if that opportunity ever came around!"

[Previous] | [Next]

[elphiej]

Be My Light - Chapter 3: Try to Stay Calm and Move on.

*Genre: Mafia, angst, eventual smut, slow burn

*Warnings: references to drug usage/ withdrawal, reference to sexual  situations/ sex work/ trafficking.  

Author’s note: Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy the next chapter. True to my style, it’s a little long but I think it flows well enough. Thank you for those who have commented on my previous chapters. I very much appreciate it. Thank you for your patients as well; work has been busy and I found out I had covid. I’m ok now but it did set me back a bit in finishing this. As always, please let me know what you think or let me know if you have any comments. I love them and all of you. Please enjoy!

Tag list:  @lolalalooo @bangtan-sonyeonddaeng, @barbikatherine, @mrsfortune1306, @lovesick-heart0, @iamnamjoonsbxtch, @deathkat657, @deeepvibes, @sugamonster22 , @weiinihao, @hemmofluke , @rainbow-zebra-unicorns

                              Chapter 3: Try to Stay Calm and Move On

                 Central Mercy was one of the largest and most active hospitals in all the city. And as you followed the EMTs through the trauma bay doors, the floor was full of medical staff moving about assessing patients. True to its name, Mercy didn’t discriminate and took in those that smaller practices were too scared to take: gang related cases. They feared retaliation. But Mercy was only interested in saving people. A team from the surgical floor came up beside the fast-moving gurney, listening as the EMT got them up to speed. You added some details, though your eyes never left the man on the gurney; he hadn’t regained consciousness since the police arrived and he seemed even paler than before. One of the nurses whispered that Doctor Na was waiting in the operating theatre. Henry Na was one of the top surgeons in all of Central and you felt a wave of relief knowing that the patient couldn’t be in better hands. But deep down, you knew you wouldn’t be at complete ease until you saw the young man awake and alright. And the fear of the unknown made you not want to lose sight of him.

               Before you could question why you felt so drawn to stay by the stranger, one of the nurses put her hands out in front of her and forced you to come to a stop right outside the OR doors. The doors slid shut and you were left alone in the hallway. And that is where the connection should have ended. Doctor Na and his staff would take good care of him, then he’d be transferred to another floor, and you would move on to your own patients. But you couldn’t stop the feeling of wanting to be near the stranger you found in the middle of a gun battle. But why? Could it be because you were a kind-hearted nurse or that you had just gone through a horrific experience together? You had asked him to explain what you had gotten yourself into after all. Perhaps on one of your breaks you could go visit? Was that weird? What would you say? ‘Hi, remember me? I’m the idiot who saved you after you got shot. Want to be friends?’

               Honestly, you didn’t think you were so desperate for companionship that you’d try to forge a friendship with some random guy who’s background you didn’t know. What were you expecting- a friendly relationship that could develop into something else? This wasn’t one of those romantic comedies you watched with Amber and, based on your track record, you weren’t that lucky. For all you knew, this guy was just as dangerous as the man with the cane. With the increase in U4-1A cases, was this a drug deal gone bad? It would be a shame if someone that handsome turned out to be a druggie. There were supposedly others that had gotten away; it could be a turf war. There were so many dangerous possibilities that ran through your mind. No, you sighed, it was best just to let it go. If you were meant to see him again, fate would make it so. Then, you would get some answers. But for now, it was time to get to work and move on.

               “I’m sure Jax is pulling his hair out by now,” you wondered, out loud. “Wonder what Amber’s going to say.”

               You didn’t have to wonder long, for as you turned on your heels, Amber was standing right behind you. Nerves still on edge, you couldn’t help but jump backwards. Amber was the definition of sweet but intimidating as her eyes bore into you. She was thin and lanky, completely swallowed by her baggy scrubs. She had a sharp face with short blonde hair that had been styled with an undercut. That, paired with her piercings and elaborate tattoos that decorated her arms, gave her a strong androgynous look that caught a lot of attention. She stared at you with a look of mixed anxious worry and anger.

               She crossed her arms over her chest. “Y/N,” she said, leaning in, “what the Pineapple?! Are you crazy or stupid?”

               “Is both an option,” you countered, trying to lighten the mood.

               Amber reached over and flicked her middle finger against your forehead. “I’m serious, dumbass, you really gave me a heart attack. You didn’t answer my text and I hear from the dispatch that you’re at the scene of a gang shooting?! I can’t begin to tell you the images my brain was coming up with! I thought I’d find you on a stretcher, covered in blood. I mean,” she gave you a meaningful look up and down, “more so than this.”

               You followed her gaze and, finally, got a good look at yourself. Your simple grey hoodie was covered in dark, splotchy patterns. The cuffs of your sleeves were dried dark from when you had tried to apply pressure to his wounds, there was a large stain on your side that had soaked through to your scrubs from carrying the young man behind the counter, and splattering decorated all over the rest of you. You were glad that the EMTs let you ride along in the ambulance; it would have made your bus ride more interesting looking like a slasher movie victim.

               You held up your hands, defensively. “It’s not mine. I promise, I didn’t get hurt. It’s from the real victim.”

               Amber sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “Come on,” she said, ushering you away from the Operating rooms, “let’s get you cleaned up. I’ll tell Jax what’s going on after I get rid of these clothes. There’s no saving them.”

                ~*****************~

               Having skipped your shower this morning due to time, you were quite thankful for the warm water that eased the anxiety still rampant. Once Amber was satisfied that you weren’t injured, she brought you some new scrubs and bagged up your soiled ones to dispose of them. You were annoyed that you were losing your hoodie, since it was the only one you had since coming to Central and you hadn’t had time to go buy new clothes yet. At least you had packed the extra long sleeve shirt to help against the seasonal chill. Amber had left you a pair of grey scrubs that would help you blend in to your work shift. Once you changed, you made your way to your supervisor’s office. Jax was an older gentleman who always seemed to be on the edge of some emotion. The second he saw you, he flung himself at you and made you swear you were to never scare him to the point of turning his hair grey ever again. It took you promising five times before he let you head to your station.

               You weren’t surprised to see Amber sitting at the desk. However, you were surprised to see that she had surrounded herself with a wall of binders and notebooks while she typed away at the computer.

               “Are you preparing for an invasion?”

               “No, you have to stay away,” Amber cried in the most melodramatic tone she could muster. “You can’t come near me. Flee while you can!”

               You tried to contain your laughter with truly little success. “Okay? What happened since I showered? Were you exposed to something or are you just being weird?”

               “No, you just have to avoid me! I’m dangerous! I’m a girl with tattoos,” she exclaimed, holding her heavily tattooed arms out for display. “You have to avoid me!”

               You almost fell over from how strong you rolled your eyes. “You must have seen Mr. Young this morning.”

               “Well, someone had to since you decided to be an action star. And he was extremely disappointed to not see you.”

               You sat down in the chair next to her and wrapped your arms around her and rested your chin on her shoulder. “I’ll pop in on him later. For the record, I like your tattoos. I think they’re super cool.”

               “Don’t think you being cute with all those compliments are gonna distract me from your stupidity. What the heck were you thinking?”

               “I know,” you sighed, “I’m sorry that I worried you.”

               “Worried? That doesn’t even begin to describe that. You didn’t answer my call this morning. Then, I get a text from a random number, apparently you. Only to find out about the shooting. I had a feeling something bad was gonna happen this morning. Spill it, Y/N. What happened?” You gave your friend a quick recap from when you left your building to when the police found you behind the counter trying to keep the young man conscious. You decided to leave out the creepy encounter with the man with the cane and the encounter with the other gang member you had hit with the crowbar; you didn’t want her to worry any more than she already was. The entire time, Amber’s face was stern and she had crossed her arms over her chest. “See, this is why you should have just stayed with me at my loft. You’re all alone down there. Clearly I was right about it not being safe.”

               “Don’t be like that. I know you keep saying that you didn’t mind me staying with you, but it was time for me to start trying to live my life again. It may not be as nice as your place but it’s mine. And, this incident excluded, nothing bad has ever happened. It’s just that I couldn’t stop thinking about what I went through and being stronger than the bullies. You taught me that.”

               “Yeah but I didn’t mean going against a gun wielding psycho. It was a metaphor for the nightmares and that piece of shit you call an ex.”

               “I’ll remember that for next time.” You flashed Amber some pleading eyes and pouting lip. “I’m really sorry.”

               Amber groaned, but smiled back at you. “You’re lucky I like you. But I get one more bad feeling, I’m dragging you back and never letting you out of my sight.” She slid you a cup of coffee that you greedily took. You were sure that you had lost your tumbler somewhere at the bus stop, never to be seen again. “By the way, what was the random number you texted from? Did you get a new phone without telling me?”

               You almost choked on your coffee. You had hoped she wouldn’t have asked about that, knowing full well she was not going to be happy about the answer. You cursed at yourself for texting her from it. But with her staring at you, you knew you couldn’t get around it. You reached into your pocket and handed it to her. She, instantly, knew what it was and snatched it from you.

               “Why do you have this still? I thought you got rid of it?”

               “I didn’t mean to grab it. I was in a hurry this morning and it fell into my bag. I left the one you gave me at home and didn’t have time to go back up and get it.”

               “But you had time to run after gun shots?” She tapped around on the screen. “All the settings are back to normal. The locations and notifications are back on, too. Did he call you? Look at all the voice mails.”

               “I didn’t call him. The last message was days ago. I just texted you and read a couple messages. Don’t give me that look, Amber. I was just curious. I have no desire to call him or see him. I’m starting to get somewhat normal. Last thing I want is to fall back into a bad mind set. I just read a few texts to see what he was saying while I was walking. I swear, that’s all. Don’t worry about the settings. He’s not as smart or as tech savvy as you. He couldn’t grasp the concept of emojis, I doubt he’s gonna try anything you’re thinking of. I honestly just needed a phone for today. When I get home, it’s getting shut off and it’s going away for good.”

               “He’s such a scuzzball, trying to still contact you after all that.  This would be less stressful if you gave me his address. I’ll kick his ass up and down the coastline for what he did.”

               “I don’t doubt that. But I have to listen to the group’s advice and just let it go. And I think it’s time I try to focus on other things. That’s the way I’m gonna start to really get better, right?” You had been saying that for a while now, not really knowing how to move on or if you could. But something had changed. You couldn’t help but think back to the gang member, and how he reminded you of Daniel in those last moments you were together. There was a sense of relief and freedom that you just couldn’t help but relish in. It had almost been a cathartic experience that your body needed, the strength to take back yourself. To give back what you felt, to let all that rage and hate that you held deep inside out. It may not have healed you completely, but it was a start.

               The two of you started going over the case load for the day. Even as short staffed as you were, Amber had taken care of most of the early duties: checking on patients, dropping off medicine, and dealing with Mr. Young. You started going through the new files that were stacked on the station while Amber read the report from some of the other floors. It was interesting to see what was happening elsewhere in the ever-busy hospital. There was nothing about your gunshot victim yet, and you crossed your fingers that he was going to be alright. No news was good news, you figured. Amber had started talking about the new U4-1A cases that had been admitted since you were last there. There were four more cases since your last shift. And one of the new cases didn’t make it past 2 days. U4-1A was a highly addictive drug that played off of peoples’ want to feel good and exploited it to deadly consequences.

               “I can’t believe how many cases there are now.”

               “Tell me about it. It’s the new hot thing on the streets. Everyone wants to find ‘Euphoria’.”

               You gave Amber a confused look. “Find ‘Euphoria’? Is that what they call it?”

               Amber grabbed a paper and wrote it out. “Yeah, it makes sense when you look at it and read it out. Change the 1 to an I, and it says euphoria. It sounds better when you’re trying to score without drawing attention, I guess. Remember that one guy who was going through withdrawals at the underground club? He kept asking me if I could ‘help him find Euphoria’.”

               “Seems way too intense for a club drug. If it’s supposed to be like ecstasy and make you feel really good, why does it make you go through the worst kind of side effects and an even worse withdrawal?”

               “The theory the cops believe now is that it was made, primarily, for the sex trade industry.  Very little doses make you feel nice and all that. But pure U4-1A does all that and more. It needs to work its way out of the system fast else it causes heart failure and other bad things. Whoever made it added chemicals that affect the brain and senses, so the user loses all inhibitions and is in a constant state of intense arousal.  So much so that the user is willing to do anything to find a release with anyone. I heard Mary, the lady who’s been on the most U4-1A cases has had to do a lot of things just shy of actually fucking them. That considered, it makes sense that it would have started in the sex industry; a willing participant is better than one that fights in their eyes.”

               It was true that U4-1A, or Euphoria, made people feel euphoric and intensified the pleasure of touch. But from what you had heard from Amber and some of the other nurses, when the patients are under the influence of the powder, they beg anyone to do any kind of sexual act to help them chase the feeling. Whatever sick bastard who created it made it so the user couldn’t find relief on their own, either.  Another hospital had thought that if the patients were aroused that it should be enough to let them handle it on their own, since it seemed release was the way to increase the heart rate and move the substance through the system. But the first few patients were in distress for hours until their hearts gave out from the effects of the chemicals in their blood. Doctor Na had been trying to see if any kind of physical activity, outside of sexual, could be the key to rehabilitating the Euphoria addicts. But it hadn’t seemed to be working. With more cases rising, there didn’t seem to be a treatment unless you had only the smallest amount. And survivors from the withdrawal seemed to be just as slim. The patients went through intense fevers, tremors, breathing problems, and pain without the substance. One of Central’s patients didn’t last two days of withdrawals.

               “I’m telling you,” Amber went on, drawing you out of your thoughts, “I don’t care who or how many are rocking my world or how long since my last date. No orgasm is worth dying for.”

               You let out a small chuckle at her attempt to push away from a not-so-fun topic. You nodded your head in agreement, though you couldn’t really remember the last time you had experienced anything other than a kiss from your ex. You could feel Amber’s eyes on you as you shuffled through the rest of the files.

               “So, speaking of orgasms,” she segwayed, leaning over with an eyebrow arched, “since you seem to be ready to start making some changes in your life, when are we gonna get you out for a date night?”

               “I didn’t say I was ready for a relationship.”

               “Whoa, who said anything about a relationship? I’m just saying have some fun, get a dinner, meet someone and start getting more confident with yourself. I have some friends I could set you up with. All of them are sweet and know I would kill them if they tried anything.”

               You hadn’t really thought about dating or anything like that. You had been so focused on healing your mind and getting settled into a new routine that it hadn’t even crossed your mind. You want to tell her ‘No’ but you found yourself considering it. Maybe it would be a good idea to just try to hang out with someone other than Amber. “I don’t know…,” you mused.

               That was all Amber needed. “Let’s just imagine. What’s your type? I mean, besides the complete opposite of your ex.”

               “I don’t really think I have a type. I know that Daniel was my friend and we were always together, so I think that’s why we started dating. But I don’t think I have one other than being a nice guy.”

               “Okay, let’s think about this. How about my friend Bryce?” You made a face, remembering the one time you met Eric when Amber and you went shopping and he spilled his drink all over you. “Okay, maybe not. How about Lee or Michael?”

               “They’re nice, I think.”

               “Oh, what about Dean from the kitchen staff? He’s so hot!”

               “The guy with the guitar and the smooth voice? The one who flirts with everyone and shows off his tattoos? Yeah, he’s definitely hot. Maybe too hot for someone like me. I feel like you two would fit together better.”

               “Stop that, you are so cute. I’d date you. I’d even give you a kiss goodnight.” Amber moved in to kiss you on the cheek, only to find her rolling chair being pushed by your foot. “Fine, see if I kiss you ever again. How about Eric from the pediatric ward? I’ve seen you two talk and he’s really easy to be around. Ooh, or Chris? You know, the one with the cute accent and hot body to match? I think you two would be able to reach your own version of euphoria.”

               “Ok, I’m done with you. You are ridiculous. I have patients to get to. And, even if I didn’t, I would rather get hit on by Mr. Young than have you start talking about me and some random guy.”

               Amber busted out laughing as you grabbed some charts and all but ran from the desk. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep workshopping it. This is just the next project in the ‘make my precious friend feel normal’ plan.”

               Despite the way your day had begun, your shift was free of any real excitement. And to be honest, you were happy to have a normal shift. You handed out medicine when it was time, changed the dressing of a girl who had been in a car accident, and took the time to pop in on Mr. Young since he was so upset that you hadn’t been there that morning. You figured listening to the old man’s reveries from his youth was a good punishment for your tardiness. Though, as you sat there, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to the blond man. You wondered if he was still in the O.R. or if he had been moved. Were his injuries as bad as you thought or worse? You wanted to go see if Doctor Na was out of surgery and if there was any news. Stop it, you scolded yourself, stop focusing so much on that. Just do your job. Stay calm. You pushed yourself to go through the motions of your job, putting your body on autopilot as you tried not to think about him anymore. For the most part, it seemed to work; every time you blinked, you were off to the next task. Even as Amber dragged you away for a quick lunch, you focused extra hard as your friend excitedly recounted her night of online gaming, and her ever continuing feud with Seagull-eye97. Based on the color in Amber’s cheeks as she complained about them snipping her during their last dual, it was a struggle.

               By the afternoon, you had enough distractions to not think too much about the blond stranger. Amber had found out that Dr. Na was no longer in the OR, and it seemed like everything was alright. You felt some relief from such small information. While the thought to check up on the stranger popped back into your mind, you decided to stick to your plan to let the universe decide if you were going to meet again.

               And the universe had it’s funny way of making that happen.

               You were back at the station helping one of the patients get discharged. She was a nice girl who had been in a car accident and was finally being released. You were printing out the doctor’s orders and getting her prescriptions in order when one of the girl’s friends, one you had seen during visiting hours often, came to take her home. As you handed the friend the paperwork, you noticed they had matching tattoos, a Roman numeral II, on different parts of their arms. They called them friendship tattoos and you thought that was cute. Though, you weren’t sure if you would get one with Amber anytime soon. Once the girls were gone, you sat back at the station to finish up your paperwork.

               A voice caught your attention and made you look up towards the hallway that led to the elevator. Doctor Henry Na stepped off with a few other nurses, talking quietly and laughing about something you couldn’t hear. You couldn’t help but find yourself smiling at the sight of him. And not just because it further proved that he had finished up the surgery. Henry was someone you had come to be friendly with, like with Amber. He was one of the nicest people you had been introduced to and he made a point to see you on your shift. He was tall and broad, with a smile that was just as kind as his demeanor. He had shared many coffee breaks talking about things, getting your mind from whatever was making it panic, never making you feel like he was just going through the motions. You couldn’t help but feel a certain way whenever he was around, something you couldn’t remember feeling before. A feeling of safety and happiness. Amber’s conversation from earlier seemed to pop into your mind about your type of man. Based on the excited feeling that crept up into you, you couldn’t deny that you liked him. But so did everyone else in the hospital and he probably didn’t see you that way. He had glanced over towards the station and gave you a little wave as he finished his conversation. And that butterfly feeling intensified.

               “Why do you look like that?”

               Amber had the strangest ability of just appearing out of nowhere at the worst moment. You felt yourself jump and heat rise in your cheeks. You tried to hide yourself in your hands but Amber followed where you had been staring at. And a teasing smirk appeared as she put the pieces together.

               “I guess I figured out your type. Look at you going for the most eligible bachelor in this hospital. I like it;  skip the boy and go right for the man.”

               “You are so embarrassing! We’re friends. He’s just nice to me. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to be with someone with such baggage.”

               “I don’t know. You should have seen the way he looked at you when you started blushing.”

               You went to shove her away as she started making kissy faces at you, when you noticed Na shaking hands with one of the nurses and starting towards the station. Your body acted on its own in an excited and nervous frenzy, as you reached into your pants pocket and pulled out a small bottle of body spray you had brought with you after changing and ducked down. You sprayed the lily scented water over yourself, trying to rid yourself of the sterile smell of your clothes. You froze when you felt Amber’s smug and judging glance. “What? I like to smell nice and I forgot to spray some this morning after I changed.”

               “Sure, honey. Hi, Henry,” she greeted and you sat straight up.

               “Hi Amber, Y/N,” he greeted back, his gaze fixed on you. “How are things going up here?”

               “Oh you know, same old stuff. Though, I think I left my pen somewhere. I should go find it. You two talk.” And she abandoned you, throwing you a thumbs up and some faces that you had to remember to beat her for.

               “Hi, Doctor Na,” you said, “did everything go ok this morning?”

               “I feel like I should be asking you that. I heard you ran into the building with an active shooter. That’s something I never thought I’d hear you doing.”

               “You and everyone else it would seem. I just wanted to help and let my body run on autopilot.”

               “Well, it was tough in there for a bit but, because of you, our John Doe is going to see another day. He’s responding well and I had him moved from post op. He lost a lot of blood and he’s gonna be in some pain for a bit. We have him on some pain medicine that’s going to have him out for a while. But he was responding to the outer stimulus. I think they’re moving him to the room at the end of the hall. Can you just promise me that you won’t worry me like that ever again? I don’t like the thought of someone as sweet as you doing something so dangerous. How are you feeling, honestly? Anxious at all? Anything you want to talk about? I haven’t had any luck identifying that prescription yet, and my friend in the pharmacy hasn’t gotten back to me yet. So, I just want to make sure you’re good.”

               He knew your anxiety had been active since you had come to him to try to find exactly what your medicine was. His calming eyes looked down at you with concern. “I’m alright,” you said, trying to control the color in your cheeks as you tried to maintain eye contact, “when I got here, I just jumped into work so I didn’t have time to think about anything else. I’m okay, thank you, Doctor Na.”

               “I thought we talked about you calling me Henry, remember? See that’s what I like about you, Y/N. You care so much about everyone else. You really are a good nurse. I just wish you’d do the same for yourself. I suppose I’ll have to make sure you’re really ok. How about we talk about it over dinner this week?”

               You’re sure you must have looked like a deer in the headlights. “What?”

               “Well, someone who risks their own safety to help others should get some kind of reward, shouldn’t they? Figured why not let me treat you for once. How about it? Maybe we can talk about other things, too. Not work related? Maybe get to know each other better?”

               You felt like the whole world had just turned upside down. Was the most handsome doctor who you had been friendly with over the last few months just asking you out? You, out of every other good-looking person in this hospital? Did he actually ask you out? The way he was looking at you, like he was nervous you’d say ‘no’, made it seem that way. He had been extra attentive recently. And Amber was always saying you were kind of oblivious when it came to flirting having not really experienced it. You, suddenly, found yourself too nervous to say anything, and nodded. His smile returned, all wide and excited, which made you shyly smile back.

               True to her fashion, Amber came slipping back into the conversation, which you were happy with, fearing you’d burn a hole in the ground with how hot your cheeks were. “Okay, you guys look far too cute over here. Time to get back to work. Did you have a reason for coming to our side of the floor, Henry, or are you just gonna make goo-goo eyes at everyone?”

               Henry cleared his throat, trying to hide his slight awkwardness. “I was telling Y/N that we moved that patient to this floor for recovery. He should be in the last room down that hall. And I was hoping she wouldn’t mind taking this to his room?” He placed a clear bag on the station. It had the patient’s personal effects in it. “I figured that since she was with him, he might be more comfortable with someone he recognizes.”        

               You nodded and took the bag from him. “I’ll keep an eye on him for you.”

               “I’d appreciate that. Umm… I’ll get back to my rounds now, before I’m banished by Amber here. I’ll talk to my friend about that prescription and see you later, Y/N.” He turned to leave with a little wave at you and Amber. Before he got too far, he turned over his shoulder. “Nice perfume, by the way, Y/N. It really suits you.”

               He made a quick exit as Amber made a funny noise and you were alone with her gaze on you and a smile on your face.

               “You two should really get a room. Like the one at your apartment or his. I can just imagine it.”

               “You are so awful. He just asked me to get dinner. It may not even be a date. He’s just being nice, I’m sure.”

               “Please, he wants to talk about non work related stuff. Plus, I saw the way he was looking at you. He thinks you’re cute. And you are still blushing. Trust me, I know.”

               ‘We’ll see about that.” You looked at the bag in front of you. It had ‘John Doe’ written on it. There was a wallet, cellphone, a watch, and a few pieces of jewelry. The EMT’s had cut his shirt open to get to his injuries, and you were sure the rest of his clothes were being held for the police, whenever they came to get evidence and statements. You thought it was odd you hadn’t seen any since you left the construction site. You opened the bag and pulled out the wallet, hoping to find some kind of name. The wallet was empty, save for a few dollars and a key card. You reached for his phone. It was dead. You reached into your desk and pulled out a spare cord and power bank. There had to be something on there to figure out who he was or get ahold of someone who did. You plugged it in and put it back in the bag. You pushed off from the desk and made for the room at the end of the hall.

               The room was dark when you entered, save for the dim light above the bed and the glow from the heart monitor. You pushed the privacy curtain aside, and were welcomed by the sight of the blond stranger that had occupied the edges of your mind. The bed made him seem so small and his pale skin made him appear so fragile. His eyes were closed, but the steady rise and fall of his chest gave you some relief. His hair was still damp from where the staff had rinsed the blood from his hair. There was a bandage near his hairline. The cuts on his face had been treated and the bruising was much more visible now. There was an oxygen cannula tube strapped across his face and nose. And you could just see the edge of bandages peeking out from under the patient’s uniform they had dressed him in. He looked awful but he was alive, and you were so relieved you thought you might cry.

               “So, this is the man you ran into gun fire for?” Amber followed you in with his chart in her hand. “I can understand why.”

               “I’m so happy he’s ok. He looked so bad when the ambulance came. I promised him he’d be ok, that I’d get him out.”

               Amber patted you on the shoulder, giving you a sympathetic smile. “He’s gonna be fine. Hopefully, he wakes up soon, then you can stop worrying so much. And we can get a real name for him. He doesn’t look like a John. We should give him a nickname. With hair like that, I’d rather call him ‘popstar’.”

               “I think his name is Agust. Someone kept saying they were looking for Agust. I assume that’s him.”

               “He looks more like an Agust than a John.” Amber took out her pen and started making some changes. “Agust Doe. No, that sounds weird. How about just Agust D? Sounds more like a pop star name doesn’t it?”

               You nodded your head; Agust D sounded better than a blank identity. Amber placed his file at the end of the bed, and patted your shoulder. You gave a reassuring smile before she decided to leave the room. And you were alone with the blond stranger, or Agust. You took a couple steps closer to the bed, worried that he might wake up. But he didn’t; he continued to sleep in the drug induced state. In this forced, relaxed form, you couldn’t deny he was more handsome than your initial thought at your first meeting. Leaning forward over his form, your fingers reached out to check the bandage near his hairline, moving some of the stray blond hairs aside. You had no doubt that the others had done an exceptional job, but an odd sense of protectiveness made you look at everything extra close. Must be because of what happened earlier, you had concluded. There was an IV bag hanging above the bed, along with a transfusion bag replacing what he had lost. Absentmindedly, your fingers had slowly moved across his hair and down to his cheek. You were glad that it wasn’t as cold and clammy as it had been.

               “See, I told you I was gonna get you out. Now, you need to make sure you get better soon so you tell me everything,” you said with a small smile. The boy in the bed inhaled deeply, before pressing his cheek further into your light touch. The sudden movement startled you. “Agust? Can you hear me?”

               But he was still again. And your question was overtaken by the soft beep of the instruments around him.

               Suddenly, a shrill ring exploded in the room, making you jump back away from the bed as if you had been shocked. You whirled round trying to find what was causing it. Your eyes caught the flash of light on the end table beside you. It was the cell phone. Had it turned on by itself once it had enough power? Odd as it was, someone was trying to get a hold of him and you knew you should make sure they came to be with him. Maybe they knew what he was doing at the construction site and who had attacked him. You reached into the bag and pulled the phone out. The screen was flashing with a contact name, ‘God of Destruction’, and with a notification that this number had called multiple times, as well as other numbers over the last few hours. You slid your fingers across the screen and brought the phone up to your ear.

               Before you could say anything, your ears were bombarded with multiple voices all speaking in a chaotic chorus. One voice, whomever had the phone, spoke loudly over the din. “Hyung! Finally, I was so scared. Where are you? Are you okay? Tell me what the bastard did and I’ll fuck him up so bad.”

Someone else had pulled the phone closer to them. “Hyung, I’m so sorry. We should have never split up..”

Another struggle for the phone and another voice that sounded older than the last rang in over the continuing strings of conversations they were all trying to have. “Yah! Where have you been?! What were you doing, getting a coffee instead of giving us some kind of sign that you were alive?! You prick!”

The first voice must have got the phone back, as his was the most dominant voice again. “Guys, shut up, I can’t hear anything. Hyung, say something. Where are you?”

“Hello,” you responded in a small voice.

The chaotic voices all stopped, and for a moment you were scared the call had dropped. The voice seemed to drop into a serious octave. “Who is this?”

“Umm… my name is Y/N. I’m a nurse at Central Mercy Hospital. We brought the owner of this phone here after he was involved in a shooting.”

“Is he okay?” It was a different voice, sounding genuinely concerned.

“He needed emergency surgery. But we have him stable now. But he’s gonna need someone here. Are you his family or someone who can get here?”

“You said Central Mercy? What level is he on now? Who’s the doctor who saw him?” You gave him what he had asked for. “Alright, listen to me very closely. I’ll be there as fast as I can. Stay calm but do exactly as I say and it’ll be okay. Do not let anyone enter that room but you or this Doctor Na until I get there, do you understand me?”

You felt a little annoyed that he was ordering you around, but there was something in his tone that gave you the sense that this was not a joke and something to take seriously. “And who are you.”

“Call me RM.” Then the line went dead.

[seihun]

i have never once been jealous of park chanyeol in my entire life

ϟ pairings and aus :: oh sehun x reader, college au, friends to lovers au, fluff

ϟ word count :: 2.3k

ϟ author’s note :: this is technically a part of a (now completed!) au i’ve been posting, but it can also be read as a stand-alone!! so, i hope you enjoy!! i’ll link things later, if necessary :) more notes at the end!!

Sehun hears you before he sees you, sending a panicked text to Junmyeon before you come crashing through the front door.

Except you don’t.

Sehun swears that he’s hearing your voice, though, loud and clear. He shoves his phone into his back pocket, ignoring the repeated notifications from his elders, and trudges towards the window.

Sure enough you’re there, alright, and that is your voice. Through the small hole he’s made in the curtain, he sees you opening the back door to a car, obviously searching for something inside. His eyebrows pinch together for a moment, unsure of what you’re looking for, or who’s car that is, but he’s not left wondering for long.

Because Chanyeol rounds the rear of the vehicle, playfully shoving you out of the way as he reaches into the backseat himself. He can hear the two of you talking, laughing, but he drowns out the words; too focused on watching the scene in front of him.

Chanyeol pulls out two white plastic bags, full of what appear to be containers of food, but that’s not what Sehun sees. He sees your bright-eyed look of affection, the cheek to cheek grin painted on your face as you take a bag from Chanyeol. He hands you another one, a grocery bag this time; the exchange is quick, but Sehun feels like he’s been watching for a lifetime.

Chanyeol must have said something funny, because he has you laughing again, gently nudging his hip with yours before giggling himself. You have him goodbye with your free hand, before turning to head for the stairs to the front door.

He rushes to close the curtains, almost trips over a pair of Baekhyun’s shoes on his way to open the door for you.

“Hey, there you are!” you greet him, shoving the door closed with your foot. Sehun smiles back, taking the bags of food from you while you take your shoes off, following him into the living room after.

It’s easy banter as you help him unpack all the food. You hand him the bubble tea, and excited, waiting grin on your face. It’s almost childlike, the way you glimmer up at him, waiting for him to take the first sip—like a kindergartner waiting for their parent to taste a cupcake they decorated.

It’s good, of course. It’s his favorite, and Sehun’s satisfied smile seems to be all the approval to you need.

“I got spaghetti, and ziti, and three types of garlic bread—and also carbonara. We probably won’t finish it, but if there was this deal going on and Chanyeol insisted we should buy as much to get the discount, and I figured Baekhyun would probably—”

“I think you should ask Chanyeol out.”

If Sehun surprised himself with the words that came out of your mouth, he surprised you ten times over. At least, so he thinks, judging by the way you completely freeze, wide eyed with an aluminum foil take-out container barely maintained in your loosening grip.

“You—what? Why would I ask out Chanyeol?” you question, blinking slowly and setting the container on the coffee table.

Sehun shrugs, preoccupying himself with opening the rest of the food. He’s careful to avoid eye-contact, lest tears threaten to spill from his own. “Chanyeol’s a good guy,” he says, words quiet, slow, deliberate, “And he seems to like you a lot.”

“I mean—yeah, Chanyeol’s great, but I, um, I don’t think he likes me like that, though.”

“He probably does,” Sehun pushes, “He has no reason not to.”

“Hun, where is this coming from?” you ask with a chuckle. You shove his shoulder playfully, forcing him to look up from twirling pasta around his fork.

He shrugs again, bringing your mood down a notch. “I just—I don’t know, I think you deserve to be happy and date someone if you want. And Chanyeol’s a good guy.”

He’s twiddling his thumbs, biting his lip: telltale signs he’s anxious or lying, or in this case, both. He notices his actions, but stops them too abruptly, insighting disbelief on your features in the form of crinkled eyebrows.

“What—I mean, does something give you the impression that I’m not happy now?”

“No!” Sehun’s tone is pitched and jumpy. Then quiet and somber, “I’m just saying, you know. If you like him, you should go for it.”

It’s silent for a while, too long for Sehun’s comfort, filled only with longing stares and curious eyes. He dares not say anything else, untrusting of the sound of his own voice and his ability to swallow his sorrow; forces himself to stuff food into his mouth as a distraction.

“Thank you for looking out for me.” You scoot over, sitting directly next to him on the couch before wrapping your arms around his torso. Sehun borderline chokes on his garlic bread. “You’re a good guy, too, Hun,” you add, head resting against his bicep, words eerily close to those Junmyeon was murmuring to him just hours ago.

Neither of you say anything for a moment more, Sehun trying his best will away the scratchy feeling in his throat. He closes his eyes briefly, and sighs. It’s not that he didn’t know it before, but the realization that he’d do anything for you crashes into him. It hurts just a much as it gives him a sense of relief.

He can’t hear the way your heart beats in your chest, can’t hear the whirlpool of thoughts threatening to overflow in your mind, but maybe it’s for the best.

“Well! Come on then,” you startle him, words breaking through the silence. You lean forward to reach for the food, “This pasta isn’t gonna eat itself!”

A few days later, Sehun sees you off to your study session with Chanyeol. Study-date is probably the more appropriate term. If you hadn’t texted Chanyeol at all over the weekend to say something, Sehun was sure you’d speak up today.

Because, like a self-inflicting fool, Sehun brought it up just before you opened the door to exit his car; and completed his act by sending you his best smile and most supportive words. After confirming you’d safely entered Chanyeol’s house, he proceeded to slam his forehead against the top of his steering wheel for approximately seventeen minutes straight, before driving himself to Junmyeon and Minseok to wallow in his emotions. As per usual.

“So, you told the girl you’re in love with to ask out some other guy, and now you’re upset that she might have gone and done just that,” Junmyeon ponders, looking down at his lap where Sehun attempts to bury his face into the pillow resting upon it.

Sehun groans, kicking his feet a little like a child. Minseok tuts at him from the loveseat, “When we said talk to her I thought it was clear that you were supposed to ask her out. Not encourage her to ask someone else out.”

Sehun continues moping, laying dramatically on his back, half of his limbs falling off of the small couch. Maybe encouraging you to ask out the guy he’s extremely jealous of wasn’t the brightest idea he’s had in terms of his goals to ask you out—but if you wanted to date Chanyeol, then so be it. Sehun wasn’t irrational enough to try and push the taller out of the picture due to spite.

“Part of me admires you, Sehunnie,” Junmyeon starts, tapping his fingers against the younger’s forehead, “But I can’t help but think that you’ve been reading this wrong.”

“You mean like he’s been reading everything wrong,” Minseok scoffs, “Sehun can’t tell when certain people are in love with him. No wonder he falsely assumes the opposite for others.”

“You’re extra sarcastic today,” Sehun grumbles. “It’s not appreciated.”

“Sorry I’m not team watch Sehun’s existential crisis unfold,” Minseok grins, “I told you the only way this is ever going to work is if you talk about your feelings.”

Sehun whines this time, flipping himself onto his stomach to resume burying his head into the pillow. The older boys laugh at him, Junmyeon doing his best to comfort his friend with pats on the back, but it makes Sehun feel like a patronized toddler.

“I need a drink,” the youngest mumbles soon after, pulling his face from the plush, “Or food. Or both.”

Lazily, he pushes himself from the couch, turning in the direction of the kitchen. The others follow suit—Junmyeon out of concern for both their liquor and food supply, and Minseok for purely entertainment purposes.

A curious knock on the door stops all three of the boys in their tracks. Junmyeon and Minseok weren’t expecting anyone else over—anyone who knocks that is. That ruled out the possibility of it being Baekhyun immediately, and with Yixing away visiting his parents, neither of them could rack their brains for an expected guest.

Still, it’s Minseok who makes his way towards the entrance, gingerly stepping up on his toes to look through the peep hole before opening the door with a knowing grin.

He’s greeted by your even smaller, fuming figure. Hands balled into fists with a kindergarten-esque scowl on your face.

“Where is he?” you demand, marching into their apartment before receiving an answer.

Minseok simply chuckles, letting you storm into the living area, and closing the door behind you. Shocked, both Sehun and Junmyeon are at a standstill. The older is equal parts confused and concerned, but Sehun is petrified.

You stop abruptly in front of him, and Sehun opens his mouth to start spewing apologies—for whatever it is that you’re upset about, he’s not sure, but he knows a few are due—but he doesn’t have the chance to, before you’re fisting his shirt in your hand, and pulling him down into a kiss.

If Sehun could describe the feeling of an out-of-body experience, it would be this. Kissing you, being kissed by you; something he’s imagined, dare he say dreamt of. Despite his eyes fluttering shut, it’s like he’s watching himself being kissed,unable to wrap his head around that fact that you stood in front of him, pulled him towards you, and kissed him.

He doesn’t have time to consider relishing in the moment, either. Because he hears Minseok and Junmyeon wooing in the background, loud and obnoxious, and because you pull away, parting your lips from his.

There’s a storm of emotions brewing in your eyes, a similar phenomenon happening in his own; but before he has the chance, to act, to say anything, your scrunch your nose, and jostle his shirt in your hold.

“You think you can just tell me to go ask out Chanyeol—which I didn’t by the way, because I’m not exactly keen on looking like a clown—and then come here and sob into Junmyeon’s lap?”

Sehun blinks. “Well, it’s not that—I—”

“You are the biggest idiot I know,” you say, “Who tells the person they like to go ask out someone else?”

“A fool!” Minseok hollers. Sehun doesn’t even have the clarity of mind to toss him a glare.

Flustered, cheeks a little red, and neck very warm, he sputters, “I thought you liked him!”

“Hun, I don’t get it,” you frown, untwisting your hand from his shirt in favor of running your palms along the length of his arm, “Why would you want to see me with Chanyeol if you like me?”

Sehun sighs before inhaling deeply. Slowly, he bends his arms to rest his hands on either of your shoulders, gently tugging you closer. He stares at you, eyes watery with a mix of emotions even he couldn’t hope to make out.

Carefully, his hands tread upwards, gently cupping your jaw in his hold and tilting your head upwards. “Because I love you.”

“Exactly,” the word leaves your mouth in exasperation. Sehun watches the confusion dance in your eyes. “It clearly made you upset, so why encourage it?”

“I already told you,” he says, a soft smile on his lips, “Because I love you.”

“I don’t—you’d make yourself sad because you love me?”

Minseok’s right about a lot of things—(as much as he hates to admit it)—so maybe, just maybe, saying what’s on his mind will end this once and for all. For better, or for worse.

So he sighs, then lets out a breathless chuckle, before stepping just a millimeter closer.  “I just want you to be happy. And if Chanyeol could have made you happy, I would bear the pain.”

He thinks you might cry, with the way your eyes grow cloudy. If you were going to, you do a good job at sweeping the tears away, offering him an ironic chuckle instead.

“I’m happy now, Sehun. You make me happy, idiot. I’m sorry, though, if I didn’t make that clear before. I should have just said it—and I was going to that day, but then you started talking about Chanyeol, so I figured you didn’t like me like that and—“

“I do,” he cuts you off quickly, thumb padding against your lower lip, “I love you.”

The tow of you just stand there, staring at each other, blissfully happy for a little bit, before Minseok reminds them you of his and Junmyeon’s presence.

“So, are you going to kiss her this time, or?” Minseok chimes in, the dirty grin on his face never left. From beside him, Junmyeon chuckles, eggs on the teasing to hide from the fact that he was ready to cry moments ago.

Sehun pulls you into him with a roll of his eyes, squeezing you into a hug. “Fuck off,” he mumbles, giving Minseok the finger behind your back.

The older chuckles, opting to further his embarrassment by snapping a picture. Junmyeon’s loud laughter permeates the living room, as he immediately receives the image. Sehun’s phone pings in his pocket and he groans, letting his chin rest atop your head—that means Baekhyun and Yixing have that picture too, which means Sehun’s life is over. Unfortunate, because he feels like it just began.

You pull away first, not before leaving a fleeting kiss against the fabric of Sehun’s shirt—and even so, the action makes him warm inside. He could get used to this.

“They’re never going to let me live this down,” he mumbles, peeking as the elders chuckle at something on Minseok’s phone. Sehun’s going to have to remove himself from every group he’s ever been in.

“Do you wanna get out of here,” you pull his attention back to you with a laugh, gently lacing your hands together, “Maybe get boba or something?”

And Sehun grins, squeezing your interwinted hands before dipping down to kiss the crown of your head, “Absolutely.”

He doesn’t even care to grab his jacket from the kitchen stool, opting to snag Junmyeon’s cardigan misshapenly strewn over the couch. With your hands tied, Sehun makes quick work of heading for the door, leaving his older friends chuckling at his tinted cheeks and hasty mannerisms.

He should have known trying to get out without one last jab would be borderline impossible.

“I hope boba is code for go home and make out!”

“Minseok!”

ϟ more author’s notes :: this is the first (and probably one of the very few) times i’ll ever formally write on this blog, mostly because it took me a year and day to even plan and begin to write this LOL i think i’ll stay in my lane and stick to fake texts and instagram posts, i’ve learned my lesson. ps: hope all you team sehun anons are happy—and if it wouldn’t have taken 5k more words of writing, i would have made her talk to chanyeol about it too just to create some drama :’)

[alittlewhump]

Unbidden - Act 1, chapter 2

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Content warnings: None, still pretty light here.

It wasn't long before they reached a small encampment where another woman called out to the one who had been guiding Morgan. "Fiona, I swear you're the worst scout we have. There's something following you, you know."

The rogue - Fiona - put her hands on her hips.

"I'll have you know, Akara, that this is an adventurer. He's going to combat our evil."

"And why didn't you send him to the den?"

"I just wanted your blessing, ma'am."

"More like you didn't want to go out of your way." The woman, evidently a superior of some sort, looked Morgan over with a cool gaze. "There's a monster den about half an hour's walk to the west of here. They've been giving us some trouble. If you can exterminate them, we'll talk."

Talking was very low on the list of things Morgan wanted to do. But eliminating a nest of evil creatures - that was a good task, easily defined with no messy human contact. And, of course, it would also contribute in a small way toward restoring the Balance, to fulfilling the request that had sent him out here in the first place. Surely it was more than just one den causing problems, but they likely wanted to test his ability. He nodded to show he'd understood, then turned to go. The two women continued to talk as he left.

"Is he mute, or what?"

"Nah, he talks. But listen, you'll never believe this -"

He stopped listening. There were more important things to think about, like whether or not it would be worth the effort to concentrate on making clay golems instead of using skeletons. He debated as he walked, keeping an ear out for sounds of danger. Skeletons were plentiful in these parts, he'd discovered. So that was convenient. He paused to raise two out of a boggy patch of ground. Two was a good number, enough to draw enemy attention away without draining his energy too much. He could only manage one earth golem at a time, but if other risen skeletons were attacking the Sisterhood... yes, the extra effort was probably worth it to ease future interactions. He could always reserve the skeletons for use away from the encampment, lay them back down into the earth outside their view.

Morgan stopped, crouching down to touch the ground. He sent out a tendril of magical energy, spreading it thin to form a humanoid shape. The earth lifted, obedient but slow, a form rising up ponderously. It took almost a minute to fully form, and Morgan was breathing hard by the end of it. It was a small golem, only a little taller than him but considerably sturdier. It would do for now. He was admittedly a little out of practice, but he resolved to keep working at it. Later, after this den was taken care of.

It was early the next morning by the time Morgan returned to the rogue encampment. The nest of imp demons had presented a challenge, but not an insurmountable one. He'd had to rest afterwards, taking a few hours to meditate. It wasn't quite sleeping, but it was close enough. He'd also remembered to put his skeletons back into the ground outside the view of the little town. A clay golem plodded along by his side; he was just more comfortable with at least one construct to protect him.

A familiar voice raised a call as he approached the town gate. "Hey, ghoul boy's back!" The encroaching forces of darkness must have taken a toll on their numbers, Morgan surmised. Why else would a scout have two watch shifts so close to one another? The sooner he could get to the root of the problem, the better - for all of them.

The gate rolled open and a new woman approached. Judging by her more impressive-looking armour, Morgan guessed her to be some sort of commander. When she spoke, she certainly had the tone of a leader.

"I didn't think we'd see you back here, outlander. Did you clear the den of monsters?"

"They were demons, not monsters." He hung back by the gates, reluctant to enter without an explicit invitation.

"Demons. Monsters. I don't care what they are other than dead. Are they dead?"

"Yes."

"Good. Welcome to the Sisterhood of the Sightless Eye - what's left of it, anyway. Fiona says you're here to cleanse the evil from this place. She also says you came out of the woods alongside some skeletons, so I'm not sure what to believe. Tell me about yourself, stranger."

A few more women clad in light armour had appeared, hanging back behind their leader. Not so different from the imps he'd just finished with, Morgan thought - skittish, wary. He decided to keep that comparison to himself. No sense in actively antagonizing them. They were already poised to dislike him based on his school of magic, based on his experience so far. It was possible that whoever had sent the request to his Order had done so in secret. It was also possible that they had passed on already, given the sorry state of things. He tried to skirt the issue delicately.

"I am a follower of Rathma. We are charged with maintaining the Balance between light and darkness. We received word of a source of evil nearby that threatens to disrupt that Balance. I seek to destroy it. If you can direct me-"

"The priests of Rathma are necromancers, are they not?" This was the woman from before, Akara. He hadn't noticed her standing behind the rest of them. He recognized the disdain in her face, her voice. He'd been hoping to avoid this type of interaction, but he'd never been able to figure out a good way to dodge the question without lying outright. And while he could technically lie - there wasn't anything physically or magically preventing it - he had never developed the barest shred of skill in the art of deceit, and it was impossibly difficult to guess what people would or wouldn't believe in any given situation. In cases where the truth would be unwelcome, the best option was usually to try to deflect.

"I don't intend to do you any harm," he tried.

"Answer the question, then. Yes or no."

Well, it had been worth trying. It seemed like Akara knew the answer anyway, and just wanted to hear it from him, for some reason.

"Yes."

Most of the women took a horrified step back, grimacing in disgust or fear. He didn't let it bother him on a personal level - it was easiest to work from the assumption that everyone would have these sorts of feelings toward him, based on either his appearance or his affiliation - but it rarely bade well for situations like this in which he needed information. The commander didn't flinch, which was heartening. She turned to face Akara.

"We can't afford to be choosy right now, Priestess. Whatever his methods, this is the best chance we've had in a while. I'm not going to waste it." She turned back to Morgan. "You'd do best to start by finding Deckard Cain. Word is, he knows just about everything there is to know. If he still lives, he should be able to tell you more about the evil that blights our land here."

He listened carefully as she described this scholar and his last known whereabouts. It was a good plan, to gather as much information as possible before properly facing down whatever evil had rooted there. It would likely take a few days to reach Tristram, which would give him time to work on his golems. He was pleased with these developments until the commander turned to address the women huddled behind her.

"Blaise, you'll go with him."

What? No, this wouldn't do at all. Other people just complicated things. What Morgan needed was the simplicity of solitude with his golems. He raised his hands in protest. "Madam, I really don't-"

"What the fuck, Kashya?" That was presumably Blaise, voicing a much louder objection. "Are you still mad about that thing last week? I said I was sorry, I don't deserve-"

"That wasn't a request," Kashya said calmly. "I think you're the best one for the job, and I won't hear any arguments. Now get your things together for the journey." The assembled rogues huddled in a group, chattering quietly amongst themselves as Blaise turned on her heel and stalked away. Morgan took a few steps toward their commander.

"Please, madam Kashya, I ask you to reconsider-"

"When I said no arguments, I meant it. Two heads are better than one. Now you can wait outside; you're making my girls nervous."

Morgan waited outside. It was clear that the matter was not open for discussion. He guessed that pushing it further would only serve to alienate the single person who seemed at all willing to work with him. One was better than none, so he would try to stay on her good side.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Nothing Wrong

Prompt: Writing prompt for Merlin (preferably time passes?): Modern Day everyone try to explain to Arthur how life works now and Arthur trying to get Merlin to therapy because JESUS DUDE and coming up with a somewhat workable alibi for what can essentially be called immortality angst. Hope you're having a lovely day!!

Thanks for the prompt, babe! This is part of a series over on my Ao3 but it can be read as a standalone

Read on Ao3

Pairings: merthur, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2217

 So it turns out that Merlin, to no one's surprise but his, could benefit from seeing a therapist.

“Thank you for coming in today, Mr. Emrys,” Dr. Lerchen says as Merlin sits down in the plush chair, “it’s good to meet you.”

 “You as well, Dr. Lerchen.”

 “Please, Melanie is fine.” Dr. Le—Melanie smiles and fixes her glasses. “I understand that you’ve never been to a therapist before?”

 “Can’t say I have.”

 “Well, I’m happy to have you. May I ask what you’ve heard about therapy?”

 “That it’s something I should definitely do.”

 “Well, I make no judgments about that, but what else?”

 Merlin hesitates. He’s never had someone who’s…paid to listen to him. Whose job it is to help him sort through the mess in his brain. It feels…counterintuitive.

 Melanie nods when he says as much. “You’re not the first person who feels a little awkward asking a therapist for help. Nor are you the first to think you don’t actually need it.”

 Merlin blinks. “I didn’t say that.”

 “No—“ Melanie gives him a look— “but am I right?”

 He fidgets in the chair.

 “You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to,” she says after a moment, “but I want to reassure you that you don’t need to have a reason to see a therapist.”

 “I don’t?”

 She shrugs. “Some people see me because they’re having issues at work that they’re struggling to manage. Some people see me because they’ve got mental issues they need help with. And some people see me because they’ve never actually had someone to talk to.”

 “…really?”

 Melanie smiles. “Yes, Mr. Emrys. You don’t have to need therapy to have therapy.”

 A weight begins to lift off his shoulders. Judging by Melanie’s smile, she can see it. She sits back in her chair too and tilts her head.

 “Is that all this is,” Merlin murmurs, mostly to himself, “is this…therapy?”

 “Well, I’m not sure if it’s as easy to tell from the two minutes you’ve been here,” she laughs, “but…yes. I ask questions, and if you like, you answer them. Or we simply talk. About…whatever you’d like.”

 “Whatever I like?”

 “Believe me, I’ve spent sessions discussing nothing but movies and favorite colors.”

 “With children?”

 “With adults.” She gestures between them. “I’m here to provide the support you need to work through things. Does that sound alright?”

 “…yes,” Merlin breathes, “that sounds…that sounds great.”

 “Wonderful. May I ask you a few questions about why you’re here today?”

 “Yes.”

 “Do you mind if I write them down?”

 Merlin shakes his head and she retrieves a notepad.

 “In your request for an appointment, you mentioned that you’d been referred to me by a friend of yours?”

 “Yes, um, Leon Camlynn.”

 “Ah, yes, I see.” She makes a note. “Had you been discussing therapy with him prior to the referral?”

  “You should try it, Merlin,” Leon says encouragingly as Arthur sits down on the couch, “it’s just talking.”

  “I’ve had experience with therapy before, Leon.”

  “Not like this,” Leon promises, his eyes shining with the understanding of what type of ‘therapy’ Merlin’s been put through, “I promise.”

  Merlin sighs. “Look, I appreciate the offer, but I’m fine, Leon, I—“

  “Merlin,” Arthur interrupts softly, “I think you should try it. Just once, at least.”

  He doesn’t blink at Merlin’s look of betrayal.

  “Leon says it helps him, and maybe it’ll help you too.”

  “There is so much between us already,” Leon says softly, drawing Merlin’s attention again, “so much history—“

  “So why would I want to talk to someone that I’d have to explain things to?”

  “—that you might not be able to talk about it with us,” Leon finishes, “and you’d only have to explain as much as you were comfortable with.”

  Merlin sighs. “I don’t believe you. There’s—I—I can’t—my—hmm.”

  “You don’t have to explain everything all the time, Merlin,” Leon says, “and you definitely won’t have to during the first session.”

 “I agree,” Melanie says, patiently writing things down, “I’m not here to pressure you into telling me things you’re not comfortable with, nor am I going to tell you what to do.”

 “He said that I should get used to talking to someone.” Merlin toys with the end of his shirt. “Someone that wasn’t…him.”

 Melanie nods. “How long has it been? Since you spoke to someone other than Leon?”

 1500 years. “…a while.”

 “And is Leon your closest friend? Do you have anyone else?”

 “I know people at work, I talk to them, they drag me out for pub nights. But Leon’s my only…friend-friend, really.”

 “I see.” She looks back at the appointment record. “It says here you’re also considering whether or not you have some sort of PTSD?”

  Damnit, Leon.

 “…yes.”

 “You needn’t tell me anything you feel uncomfortable telling me,” Melanie reminds, “but whatever you do tell me will be useful in how I can help you.”

 Merlin can’t help glancing at the door.

 “Doctor-patient confidentiality,” comes the quiet reassurance, “nothing you say will leave this room.”

 He takes a deep, slow breath. He hasn’t talked about this to anyone. Not even Arthur. Not really. There are so many secrets that no one knows that he doesn’t know how to tell one without telling all of them.

 “Pick something small,” Melanie suggests when he says as much, “something innocuous. A memory, perhaps, one that makes you happy.”

  “Come on, Merlin, this way!”

  Merlin rolls his eyes as Arthur drags him through the woods. “Whatever creature you’re hunting is going to hear us coming from yards away, as you’re so fond of telling me.”

  “We’re not hunting Merlin, now come on!”

  “Then why are we out in the middle of the woods for no reason? And why am I carrying all this food?”

  Arthur bursts through the edge of the woods into a clearing, spinning around with a blinding smile. “We’re having a picnic.”

  Merlin blanches. “A what?”

  “A picnic, Merlin,” Arthur repeats, taking the basket from him, “we’re going to sit down and eat.”

  And they did, in the field, as butterflies flew around their heads.

 “That sounds lovely,” Melanie says, smiling, “and how long ago was this?”

 Merlin’s smile dims. “A long time.”

 “Was it near where you grew up?”

 “No, no, it was…quite far away. I, um, I grew up in a smaller village and went away to a big city to work.”

 “Was it hard, being away from your family for such a long period of time?”

  He misses his mother’s smile.

  He misses the smell of the barn when he walks outside—not the big, Camelot stables, but their little barn with the cinnamon and cloves stuffed into the corners to keep the old donkey happy.

  He misses Will, the shouts and yells of the other boys as they rush up and down the streets.

  He misses the old man’s warbling in the late night as he walked back and forth with the lantern, putting out the lights on his market stall.

 “I’d never been farther than walking distance away from my home,” he says quietly, examining his hands, “so it was…hard to adjust.”

 “I’m sure. Did you go back to visit them ever?”

  “The winters are harsh in Ealdor,” his mother says, pleading in front of the tightly Uther Pendragon, “and there are many children. Some of them just won't be strong enough to survive. We barely have enough food as it is, and if Kanen takes our harvest, our children won't live to see another summer. Please, we need your help.”

“Ealdor's in Cenred's kingdom,” Uther says dismissively, “your safety is his responsibility.”

“We've appealed to our King, but he cares little for the outlying regions. You're our only hope.”

Uther regards his mother with what can only be described as forced pity. “I have the deepest sympathy for you and would have this barbarian wiped off the face of the earth.”

“You'll help us?”

“I wish I could.”

Perhaps sensing Merlin’s dismay, Arthur speaks up. “Surely we can spare a few men?”

“…once.”

 Melanie tilts her head. “You sound sad.”

 “…my friend died when I went back,” Merlin says, “he…I’d known him since I was a little boy. He was…important to me.”

 “I’m sorry to hear that.” And she does sound genuinely sorry, Merlin realizes, as she leans forward. “What was his name?”

 “Will.”

 “Will,” she repeats, “I’m sorry he passed.”

 Merlin shrugs. Out of all the people he’s lost, he can’t afford to hurt over all of them all the time.

 “What did you do afterward?”

 “I went back to work.”

 Melanie blinks. “Just like that? No time off, no time to grieve?”

 “…where I come from, that wasn’t really a thing.”

 “…I see.”

 Merlin shifts. “Is something wrong?”

 “People need time to process things,” she says, “to reconcile what’s happened in order to learn how to live with it. And if you weren’t given that time…”

 “It wasn’t the most pressing thing on my mind.”

 That gives her pause. She raises an eyebrow and nods for him to continue. Merlin fidgets a little in the chair.

 “…I have a secret,” he says finally, “one that Will died to protect for me.”

 She makes a soft noise.

 “I couldn’t tell anyone,” Merlin continues, staring at a spot on the carpet, “it—they would’ve—“

 He breaks off. He hasn’t thought about his magic like this for centuries. He hasn’t thought about his magic for decades. He hasn’t actually looked at himself for…a long time.

 He’s been hiding for almost as long as he can remember.

 “What would they have done,” Melanie prompts softly.

 “Killed me.” Merlin looks up. “They would’ve killed me.”

 To her credit, Melanie doesn’t look shocked. Instead, she smiles softly.

 “No one will kill you for a secret, Mr. Emrys, not on my watch.”

 That shouldn’t make him feel as warm as it does, but he finds his own mouth turning up into a smile.

 “Does your family know your secret?”

 “My mother did. My father…yes, he knew.”

 “Does Leon know?”

 “Yes.”

 “Anyone else?”

 Merlin hesitates. “Yes. Yes, someone else knows. Even though I…I didn’t…I didn’t tell him when I should have.”

 “You’re the only one who gets to make that decision,” Melanie reassures, “no one else.”

 “But he felt so betrayed when I didn’t tell him. He was…he was angry with me.”

  “You’ve lied to me. You’ve lied all this time.”

  Merlin can’t quite hear his heart crack in two, but he can feel it.

 “Why did you decide to tell him?”

 Merlin shrugs. “He was going to get hurt if I didn’t show—if I didn’t tell him.”

 “Hurt?”

 “He…”

  Ygraine, his mother, gone on the day of his birth because of magic.

  Uther, turned bitter and cynical, making enemies upon enemies of magic while hoarding it for his own selfish purposes.

  Morgana, his own sister, twisted and tortured by Uther, by Arthur, by Merlin, until she was barely recognizable.

  Arthur had lost so much to magic that Merlin can’t bear to give him something else to lose.

 “…he’s already been hurt by it,” Merlin says, shutting his eyes, “I didn’t want to hurt him too.”

 “What happened to him?”

 “He—“

  Mordred steps out from behind a rock and walks toward Arthur, he raises his sword...

  Arthur either hears him or sees his reflection in a sword on the ground. He stands and blocks the attack, he goes to stab and stops, realizing it's Mordred. Mordred stabs him and withdraws the sword, fatally wounding him.

  Arthur goes to a knee.

  Merlin can’t find the breath to scream.

  “Merlin. There is nothing you can do.”

  “I’ve failed?

“No, young warlock, for all that you have dreamt of building, has come to pass.”

  “I can't lose him! He's my friend!”

  “Though no man, no matter how great, can know his destiny, some lives have been foretold, Merlin...Arthur is not just a King-he is the Once and Future King.”

  Once and Forever.

  “Take heart, for when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again.”

  Merlin. Merlin is all that’s left.

  “It has been a privilege to have known you, young warlock-the story we have been a part of will live long in the minds of men.”

  1500 years…

  “Merlin? Merlin!”

  He’s back.

 “…he went away. For a very long time.”

 “And now?”

 Despite everything, Merlin finds himself smiling. “He’s my flatmate.”

 “I’m glad to hear it,” Melanie says softly, smiling too, “you two deserve your soft epilogue.”

 Wait, what?

 “I’m afraid that’s all we have the time for today, Mr. Emrys,” Melanie says, standing and holding out her hand for him to shake, “but I’d be happy to set up another appointment.”

 “Uh, yeah, yeah,” Merlin says, scrambling to his feet and shaking her hand, “and please, Merlin’s fine.”

 “Merlin.” Her handshake is firm, grounding. “Be in touch.”

 “I will.”

 “And one last thing,” she calls as he goes to leave, “there is nothing wrong with being gay, Merlin.”

 Wait, what?

[ghostxofxartemis]

It’s a few days late, but here’s day 6: Pet Day for MerWeek2021 hosted by @cactuarkitty.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard Characters: Male Shepard (Mass Effect), Kaidan Alenko, Kaidan Alenko’s Mother, Dog Additional Tags: Fluff, Pet Day, MERweek2021 Series: Part 6 of MERweek 2021 Summary:

Describe or draw a special moment with your beloved pet/s. Could be special time spent together or shared time with friends/family. Let’s have fun with our furry (or not so furry) friends :)

Shoutout to @mallaidhsomo for betaing! Thanks hon!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaidan straddles Axel, and slowly starts kneading the knots from the younger man’s back.

“Hmmm, morning to you too.” Axel mumbles, sleep still invading his mind.

“How’d you sleep?” Kaidan asks him as he deep massages Axel’s shoulders.

“Rock solid. You know, I could get used to this.”

“Well, don’t get too used to it ‘cause I’m shipping out this morning for a month.” Kaidan’s hands trail down Axel’s back until they reach his rear and he kneads both cheeks. He smirks when the younger man closes his eyes, a content smile creeps up his face and Axel moves his hips from under him.

“I know you’re leaving, and I really don’t want you to…but… hmm…this feels good.”

Kaidan leans forward and brings his lips down just a breath’s hair away from Axel’s ear. “I’m just getting started.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Axel fills up his coffee mug and leans on the counter to take a sip as he waits for his breakfast currently in the microwave. Kaidan comes down the stairs, skipping a step each time, duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He’s going to be gone for next month and it’s something Axel dreads, being home alone, while still on the mend, and while not being able to do very much makes the time go by painfully slow. He grabs the coffee thermos on the counter, all ready to go, for his husband.

“I’m running late.” Kaidan plants a kiss on his husband’s cheek before accepting the offered thermos.

“I wonder why?” Axel gives him a coy smile. He gets a scowl in return. Kaidan starts to pull away but Axel manages to grab a handful of material from his uniform. “Hey. You’re not leaving without giving a proper kiss, are you?”

Kaidan leans in and Axel’s lips curve upwards at one side of his mouth. He makes a content sound when Kaidan’s luscious lips meet his. Kaidan presses his tongue against the other man’s lips and Axel let’s it slide between his. They part after a brief moment, breathless, foreheads pressed together. Kaidan tilts his head backwards slightly so his lips can reach Axel’s forehead and kisses it before pulling away slightly.

“I sent my mother your PT schedule.”

“K-” Axel starts to protest.

“You have to go to them.” Kaidan doesn’t look at him and his lips twitch slightly at the corners.

“Kaidan…” Axel groans.

“And I knew you were going to protest so I made sure my mother’s going to drive you to each appointment.”

Axel’s protest is a deep throaty growl.

Kaidan only smirks as he looks at him, giving him a coy look. “I love you. Be good while I’m gone.” He pecks his husband on the cheek one last time before heading out the door.

It’s going to be a lonely four weeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plate in hand, Axel heads out on the deck to enjoy his breakfast and coffee. Just when he’s about to sit down, he hears a whimper, one of pain. He’s pretty certain it didn’t come from him. Despite feeling like a rusty piece of junk metal, he wasn’t one to complain about his injuries. He puts his coffee down on the table, and listens carefully when he hears it again. It’s coming from under the deck.

He holds his plate in one hand and the railing with the other as he takes one step at a time. When he reaches the bottom level, he takes a knee carefully and then the other, then goes down on all fours to look under the deck where he finds the owner of the whimpering noise.

“Hey buddy. You lost?”

The dog growls at him, and he chuckles.

“Not the friendly type are we? Or are we having a bad day?”

Shifting himself into a sitting position, he rips a piece of the blueberry pancake and tosses it under the deck.

“Or maybe we’re just hungry?”

Without having any experience with dogs before, he really can’t tell what could possibly be the issue with the dog at the moment. One thing he does know; it might take a while to coax it from under the deck. I’ve got time buddy, lots of time.

Axel looks away, taking a few slow bites of  his pancakes, and looks out to the ocean that’s calm in the horizon on this fine morning. When he looks back under the deck, the small piece of pancake is gone.

“It’s good uh? My husband made ‘em. Doesn’t want me on my feet too much while I’m recovering. We’re probably the same as you and I. Hurting?” He picks up a strip of bacon, biting off a big piece and tossing the rest under the deck. He watches as the dog takes tentative steps forward, sniffing the bacon and picking it up before hiding again.

“You’re gonna be like that.” Axel says as he bites into another one of his bacon strips and licks his fingers. 

The dog looks up at Axel with pleading eyes after it finishes eating the strip of bacon and Axel chuckles. He tosses another strip of bacon and another piece of his pancake before he finishes off his plate.

“I’d stick around a little more but err…Ma’s gonna be here soon to take me to PT. But er…” he grunts as he gets up to his feet, his hip protesting against the movement. “How ‘bout I get you a bowl of water. It’s going to get warm today.”

He makes his way back up the stairs and back to the kitchen when he hears the front door opening.  He pokes his head out of the kitchen and lifts a finger to warn his mother-in-law he’ll just be another a minute. Opening the cupboard doors to all the dishes, he grabs a bowl and heads to the sink to fill it up with water.

“I’m running a little behind, are you almost ready?”

“There’s a dog under the deck.”

“What?”

“Yeah, there’s a dog under the deck.”

“How did it get there?” Helena asks as she takes the bowl of water from Axel’s hands.

“I’ve no idea, but it must have been in the middle of the night because it wasn’t there yesterday, or I would have heard it. It was whimpering pretty bad. It’s not ready to come out though.”

Helena makes her way to the deck while Axel leans his back against the counter. “Sometimes it takes them a little bit to warm up to people, especially if they’ve been mistreated or dropped off somewhere.”

“Why would anyone do that?” Axel’s brows narrow in confusion. He’s never had pets other than his hamster and his fish, but he could never see himself hurting them. His hamster was able to be brought back home, but he made Kaidan promise to take care of his fish in his…no… now Kaidan’s captain quarters on the SR2. As much as he wanted to bring them back home, they just didn’t have the space to have an aquarium that size, despite having even more space in their home.

“Your guess is as good as mine.”  She purses her lips and shrugs her shoulders as if to say I don’t know and makes her way down the stairs.

It doesn’t take her long to drop off the bowl and make her way back up the stairs. “I’ll get some dog food at the store and some peanut butter while at your appointment.” She tells him as they make their way to the front door.

Axel opens the passenger door of the skycar. “Peanut butter?”

Helena chuckles as she gets in the car and starts the engine as she closes her door. Axel climbs in the passenger seat, closing the door shut. “I keep forgetting you’re new to the whole animal thing. Yes, peanut butter. Dogs love it for some reason.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Week 2.

Axel grabs a bottle of water, a spoon, a fork, the container of peanuts, and his reheated dinner outside with him. Somehow managing to juggle all items in his hands and under his armpit as he holds onto the railing going down the stairs, grumbling to himself how he can’t wait for his legs to have the stability they used to have. Soon, hopefully.

Sitting down on the grass, he puts the water bottle down and his dinner. He notices the food he put in the bowl this morning had hardly been touched. He untwists the lid to the peanut butter and scoops it up with the spoon. So far, the dog has stayed out of arm’s reach, but Axel has managed to get it to eat from the spoon in his hands the last couple of days. It’s progress. He stretches his arm out and waits for the dog to approach. The dog approaches tentatively and slowly licks the peanut butter from the spoon. “Atta boy. I don’t know if you’re a boy, but I’m going to call you that for right now. Just easier. Hope you don’t mind.”  The dog looks up at him and licks his snout. “It’s good, uh? I’m just going to put this down on the ground so I can eat as well.” Slowly, he lays the spoon on the grass.

He takes the lid off his container containing his dinner, and takes a bite.

He cracks open the lid to the water bottle and takes a good swig out of it before grabbing the dog’s bowl. He tosses the old water and pours the fresh water into and places it by the dog.

“I’ll be back tomorrow little guy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Week 3.

A victory for Axel today when he feels the bump of a cold wet nose against his hand. He doesn’t move though. He lets the dog come to him on its own terms. He’s done such extensive research in the past few weeks that he’s happy his patience is starting to pay off. It’s been a fascinating way to spend the weeks outdoors and still manage to keep his promise to his husband while avoiding any hard physical activities that he is yet to get cleared for.

He spends his day outside, only going in to get some food occasionally and to use the washroom a couple times. He makes sure to bring the peanut butter in the evening when he knows it’s his last time coming out for the day. He makes sure the dog has food and water for the night.

The process is gradual for the rest of the week. But on Friday, the dog nudges Axel’s arm with his snout and sits beside him. Tucked under his arm. Axel pets the tuft of fur on the dog’s chest, a smile forming at the corners of his lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Week 4.

Axel is sitting on the bottom step of the staircase. He puts a dog treat on the grass right in front of it. He shimmies up one step.

So far, he’s managed to get the dog to trust him enough to allow him to pet it. But the evenings are getting colder and he wants to get the dog inside. There’s no way he was going to let it get stranded outside in September. He hates how the weather changes so drastically from day to night.

He places another treat on the second last bottom of the stairs and shimmies up another. He keeps doing this until he reaches the very top of the stairs.

The sound of the patio door opening makes him jump slightly.

“Axel? What are you doing? And why is there a bag of dog food on the counter?” 

He’s been so focused on the dog this last month he forgot his husband was scheduled to be home today. Shit. He wanted to make dinner to surprise Kaidan. He curses at himself for being so distracted, but answers the question.

“I found a dog under our deck. It’s really apprehensive so I’ve been just slowly coaxing it out. Trying to get him inside.”

“A dog? How long has it been there?” Kaidan sits next to Axel. He puts a hand on the younger man’s thigh and pecks his cheek.

“Found him the day you left.”

Kaidan rests his head on Axel’s shoulder. “Been doing this since I left?”

He kisses the crown of Kaidan’s head, “Yeah.”

“You sure it’s a him?”

“I saw his ballsack.”

Kaidan chuckles.

The dog pokes his head around the railing, taking the treat before retreating back behind the stairs. Slowly, it comes back for more and slowly climbs the stairs. When it reaches half way, Kaidan and Axel retreat inside the house, but keep the door open.

About an hour later the dog finally comes inside, running towards Axel, tongue lolling It’s rewarded with head scratches and a kiss on the forehead. His black floppy ears, his bright blue eyes, the white dots on his black nose, and splotches of caramel in his white fur just made him too adorable to resist not petting him.

“Kai. Can we keep him?” Axel looks up at Kaidan, puppy eyes and all.

Kaidan contemplates a moment and Axel is sure is about to refurse, “Sure. I mean you’re alone a lot, he could be excellent company for those long periods I’m gone. Did you name him?”

“Naw. I don’t know what’s a good name for a dog.”

Kaidan smirks, “Mako.”

“I feel like this is a jab at me.”

“You’ll never know.”

“It’s a jab isn’t it? Kaidan…”

Kaidan guffaws on his way out of the kitchen.

[iamnightduchess]

HELLO QUEEN! Oh my gosh your latest updates have gotten me so hyped up and happy!! I love the feeling of seeing your post updates on my dashboard. I was wondering if you had time if you could possibly do some NSFW head cannons for It’s Gotta Be You universe?? I reread it again for the 100th time after reading your AYA update but I love that universe so much!

Hello dearie! I hope you've been doing well ever since. I apologize for the slight delay as RL is demanding a lot of my time. But, I hope you'll enjoy this! ❤

Reiner x Mikasa (ReiKasa) (R20+) Fic AU Headcanon #13

Universe: It's Gotta Be You (Modern AU)

(A/N: ‼️WARNING‼️Graphic/Explicit Description of very dirty smut with potentially provocative images ⛔ Please don't click Keep Reading if you're below 20 🙅‍♀️ Sorry kiddos! To my dear adult readers, please absorb this post's content with appropriate discretion & maturity)

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I've shared more of ReiKasa's detailed Modern AU sexcapades in this post and for this Ask, I'll explore the different preferences involved in their sex life. Based on this post, Reiner & Mikasa had a 10-dates rule before they actually become intimate with each other and that post describes briefly on their phenomenal sexual compatibility. Before they reach that 10th date goal, they decided to keep all their interactions chaste, which only adds up to the building sexual tension between them. These two has a spark that ignites from just a single touch. Therefore, it had been a truly challenging period for them to keep their magnetic pull in check.

When they were in high school, they've only ever held hands but has never even kissed. Reiner was raised to be a respectful gentleman and he's always letting Mikasa takes the lead. He waited until she was ready to get a little bit more physical with him, thus why he suggested the 10-DR. So when did they have their first real kiss?

On their 10th date.

First Time

Their first time with each other had been a literal afternoon delight. Mikasa missed out on their 10th date night because of an on-call emergency at the med centre, so they made up with a lunch date the next day. Sure, they've been clawing at each other's clothes from outside the car to his front door and had never even made it to his bedroom but they really made full use of his coffee table and his couch. If only those furnitures could talk, they would tell you very interesting stories that took place on that day.

Bedroom Jams

Reiner and Mikasa do not have a particular preferred soundtrack running in the background while they're getting down and dirty. But, they'd always have Linger by Cranberries or The Root's You Got Me to set them in the mood for some slow-dancing before revving up their engines for their inevitable sexy times.

One time, Reiner had jokingly put Boyz II Men's I'll Make Love To You on in the bedroom. Mikasa changed it immediately to The Devil in I by Slipknot. It felt like an out of body experience the whole time.

Reiner likes to do this little striptease dance to 90's boyband songs just to drive Mikasa up the wall 🤣 One time, he wanted to surprise Mikasa from work & started grinding against her booty with his sexy moves as soon as she crossed their living room, completely not realizing that his mother had also walked through the door as his wife had picked Karina up for dinner at their house. He got an earful from his own mother 😳

Sexting & Surprises

Reiner loves sending sexy text messages to Mikasa when she's at work or when he's away in Marley for work meetings. The nature of her work demands her to be on-call or be at work in longer shifts, therefore, his texts make her misses him even more. Mikasa would not admit it out loud but his naughty texts do get her in the mood to make a lot of love to him when she gets home 😏 Before someone asks, no, Reiner does not send his wife dick pics haha

Reiner is also the type who'd surprises her from a long night shift in the morning by making her breakfast in the kitchen with nothing but an apron on. Yeah, Mikasa had a good eyeful (and mouthful) of his buns alright *wink* Reiner would also surprise her with a hug from behind when she's doing meal preps in the kitchen BUT Mikasa would be the one slipping her hand in his pants while he's doing the dishes. These two really do love getting kinky in the kitchen.

Gabi accidentally walked in on them one time and poor girl was mentally scarred, she locked herself in her room the whole night.

Favorite Positions

Despite having athletic bodies and fit figures, Reiner and Mikasa do not experiment with odd, bizarre positions as much. Their favorite position is either tantric or golden arch as they love locking gazes while whispering their undying affection for each other (+more dirty-talking from Reiner!)

But when they're in the mood for a more rough loving, all fours in front of a mirror or standing/sitting wheelbarrow would be their favorite positions for them considering his superb upper body strength and her amazing flexibility (Reiner has those weekly yoga routines of hers to thank for!)

Dirty-talking

Reiner likes to do this a lot (even in public) that it'll always make Mikasa goes multiple shades of red. His dirty-talkings are adorable and dorky but although Reiner's very alert when reading the room, he also tends to forget in switching off his dirty-talking mode once he's in the mood.

One time, he was calling Mikasa when he's away for work training. She was driving and had him on speaker. He was feeling a bit frisky and told her flat out - he can't wait to come back home, get inside the showers with her and ram into her so hard that she can't walk straight that his Dr. Ackerman-Braun need to take sick leave for 2 days. Things went still and quiet from Mikasa until he heard Annie's voice from the other end.

Annie : Ram her with what, Reiner? Your 3-inch dick?

Reiner: Screw you, Annie.

Annie: Gross and hey, Armin's already doing a bang up job in screwing me. Besides, you don't need to worry about Mikasa missing you. I just bought her this brand new vibrator.

Reiner: Totally ignoring you, Annie. Mika, c'mon babe, you know the real deal's so much better.

Mikasa: Rein--

Reiner: I made you come three times before I leave. You don't need that thing right? Can you hold on until I get back, baby, please?

Mikasa: Rein, can we talk a bit later?

Reiner: It's just Annie there right?

Pieck: Hey, Reiner. I think you just terrorized Gabi.

Reiner: F**K

Turns out Pieck and an already traumatized Gabi were also in the car with Mikasa at that time. Reiner avoided showing his face in front of the two women and his own cousin for the next 2 months.

As mentioned, that wasn't the first time Gabi had such TMI of her cousin and his wife's sex life. Apart from walking in on Reiner and Mikasa in the kitchen, the couple had terrified her enough for life when she also walked into them doing the deed inside their own living room (They either forgot Gabi was staying the night or had thought she was asleep) Gabi never wanted to be near that couch ever again.

Public Sexcapade

They had a quickie in Grisha's basement during one family dinner with the Jeagers. Zeke almost walked in on them.

Reiner also owns a pickup truck. He likes to take Mikasa out for a night drive. He'll have the back boot of his truck all nice with warm covers and they'll park somewhere private uphill to stargaze. They'll make love underneath the stars in the open air and just hold each other afterwards. Mikasa loves to listen to Reiner as he tells her about his favorite constellations.

Body Appreciation

When Mikasa's body starts to grow when she's carrying their twins, Reiner develops a much higher level of appreciation towards her body because of the changes she's going through. Obviously he appreciates the tremendous increase of her cup size, but he notices every other parts of her that swells beautifully with every week of her pregnancy too. As shared in this pregnancy post, Mikasa had the upper side of her hormonal changes that Reiner was the one who's constantly be worrying that he'll poke the babies in their heads every time she gets in her special mood 😂 see, he's so adorkable!

Sneaky playtime(s)

Reiner & Mikasa would always have a burning fire in their marriage even as they grow older. The twins were not spared from the traumatizing knowledge of their parents' extracurricular activities, when they overheard their parents from outside their bedroom door one Sunday morning.

Miraé: Rémy, are Mama & Papa fighting? She said the F word to Papa. Oh, Papa said he's coming? To where?

Rémy: Jesus, Miraé. They're having sex.

Miraé: What's that?

Rémy: Aunt Gabi told me to stay away if we ever hear weird noises coming from Mama & Papa's bedroom because it means they're having their adult playtime.

Miraé: Let's just go next door and ask Uncle Armin & Aunt Annie about it.

Armin was speechless and red with embarassment while Annie cackled at the poor twins. Afterwards, Annie sent a photo of the twins in their family group chat with the caption "Please come pick up your kids at our house after you're done maintaining Mikasa's plumbing 🍆💧💧" 🤣

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Gosh, I really, really enjoyed working on this. Thanks again for the Ask, Anonie 🙈💕💋