#i could go to bed rn. its 9pm

[ap0stle]

so tired. why

[databent]

[pained wailing emoji]

[scoups4lyfe]

Journal Entries of Bipolar sh*t compiled to Show the Mind of Someone with BP:

[Entries from my mood journals:] 

TW: Mental Health

These entries are personal, I wrote them as I was going through whatever I end up writing about, I took out any personal details so it reads like ANON.

[Next]

Energy Levels: 

July 15th 2020: 

Questionable levels of energy. Went to bed at 9am and woke up at 6pm. Just really tired, I feel just,,,, exhausted in an empty almost depressive kind of way. Could a depressive episode be looming on the horizon? Conversely, however, my energy has been pretty high the last three-four days at least. I’ve been somewhat motivated, getting work done, and also having major problems with insomnia that really kind of came out of nowhere. That’s why I couldn’t fall asleep until 9am last night. (Though my time blindness when doing things I enjoy certainly doesn’t help.)

July 16th 2020: 

(went to bed at 9am, awoke at 7pm)

Another feeling of low energy. I’d rate it about 3.5/10 (5 being normal.) Mood wise, I'm in a rather neutral mood, though I’m starting to worry that it’s getting more and more apathetic. (Especially when I’m dehydrated.) 

Executive dysfunction is rearing its ugly head. It’s hard for me to do things, I kinda want to curl into a ball and do nothing for great periods of time. I find it hard to really be motivated or to make myself WANT to look nice when I see my friend tomorrow. It’s actually kind of worrying, but my overall mood (as I said) is still pretty neutral. 

July 17th, 2020: A solid 3/10 

(Bed @ 7/8-ish am. Woke at 1:09pm to go to a friend’s.) 

I just feel tired and kinda zen, not gonna lie. Like relaxed and ready to slip into unconsciousness at any moment. Not necessarily as apathetic as yesterday, but that could be because I am around my good friend, and being around my good friends makes me happy, distracted, and more energized, even with barely any sleep.

July 18th 2020: 

Bed time:  Close to 11:30 pm Wake Up: Close to 9am. (Like 8:40 am or something) 

A solid 2.2/10 

I’ve had low energy for a bit now and I know it’s starting to roll into my apathetic depressions. Today [friend] wanted me to go to the gym/pool with [them] and I was REALLY not feeling it, but [they] were  gungho for it and were talking about it like it was already going to be a done-deal. This kinda soured me because I really do not want to move around much when I’m like this and I ESPECIALLY did not want to go to the pool—  I knew I’d be the only one in the pool, alone, because I didn’t bring shoes so I either had to wait horrendously by myself in the locker room or pool it out alone until someone joined me after their workout.

I DID feel great when I stepped into that lukewarm shower before having to get into the pool, but like, WOAH MAN, I got super apathetic, I contemplated just staying in the shower for an hour and like hOO wow. Not great. 0/10 would not recommend. 

I did actually enjoy the pool though and after about 15 minutes of [friend] joining me I began to go back to a more neutral state of mind, so that was good. 

When we went to the mall it was fun too, but for some reason (I can’t even explain why) I hit a low— low, and started to second-guess everything (even my friendship with them) and wondered if I should never talk or see them ever again from then on. It was really melodramatic and I don’t even know why I thought about it for a minute there. After a few minutes I was snapped back to normal by hanging out with my friends and then I was kinda okay again. 

Emotionally (when I’m not feeling low energy/apathetic/empty AF) I feel on the verge of just breaking down into tears and laughing like a maniac.

July 24th

Bed: 9pm-ish  Woke: 5am 

Energy: 4-ish (Maybe even a bit more of a 3.5 rn) 

These last few days have been a blur tbh. I went on a webtoon-reading, what-music-was-I-listening-to-in-middle-school binge these last couple of days and so I remember not much. The hyper focus really had me there lol. 

July 28th 2020: 

Bed: 1:15 am Woke: 6:30 am 

Mood: When I was awake earlier and reading, about a 3. RIGHT NOW??? 1.5/10 and quickly approaching a meltdown. 

I am SO SO tired and almost about to have an emotional breakdown for no reason. I have no idea where this is coming from but I am going to tuck into bed and disappear from existence because I need to sleep for 19hrs or I WILL throw a fit. 

**Some notes for July 28th. I tried to sleep at 7/8pm because I felt an incoming meltdown. But then I was suddenly wide awake? Like my energy was at a 7 while my mood was at a 0.5. Basically, not fun, would never repeat again. 

July 31st, 2020: 

Bed: Around midnight/1 am woke: 3pm. 

Energy: 4/10

I don’t know why I slept for so long, but I def. could have slept longer. In fact most of the day I felt kind of bleh. 

Not terrible enough to lie down but also not normal-normal. 

August 26th, 2020: 

Woke: 7pm Slept: 9/10am 

Mood: 4.5/10 

In general I’ve felt fine. Not as exhausted, and definitely  in a good mood. Maybe it’s because I’m purposefully taking it easy while still trying to accomplish the small things. Ahhhh I feel so accomplished, yo!!!

But just as a general warning, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to stay optimistic. (Hopefully for a long time.) I just feel the depressive episode on the horizon. For now, I’m doing self care so that I can fight  it off, but hopefully it won’t be “only a matter of time.” 

Thursday — September 17th, 2020: 

Slept: 1am woke: 7:30am 

Mood: 5/10 ENERGY: 2.5/10 

Though I’m in a pretty genial mood, I just feel so tired. Which makes no sense because yesterday I woke up at like 7pm and went to bed at 1am. So WHAT TF bro. I’ve just been lying in my bed all day because that’s like the only way I feel somewhat decent. 

Kinda want to take a nap but I know that’ll do me absolutely no good whatsoever, so I’m gonna stay awake and try to be as productive as I can be when I’m lying down in a horizontal position.

[Journal Entry] 

“Saturday: October 10th, 2020 —  Around Night

Right now I feel invincible. Like I can write and capture that perfect melody. Pen to paper. Pencil to sketchbook. For this moment, just right now, I feel as if I could do anything, and that makes me so, so, happy. 

Today is a happy day, which is made funnier or perhaps more ironic by the fact that I didn’t even want to wake up today. [Which I did, begrudgingly, at 6pm-ish.] 

The tides really do come and go. So never feel too down. At some point you’ll feel like this again. The cogs keep turning and life goes on. 

Mood: 10/10 Energy: 10/10.”

[End quote] 

...

“October 13th, 2020 — Tuesday, 10:45 AM. 

So many thoughts have taken travels in my hand. Today I feel invincible again. Much like I did in the last entry. I have been an unfortunate disappointment to my family, though. My energy, motivation, and time has been entangled lately. Entangled deep into my mind, my media, and the interests I partake in: The Void ™. 

Therefore I haven’t been of much help, entertainment, or enjoyment for my loved ones. Last Sunday our relatives gathered at our house to celebrate [my brother's] birthday. Yet I stayed in bed. I did not celebrate with them, and ignored their asks of me. I’m quite disappointed in myself for being this way. I can only strive to be better. I may not have been energetic or involved these last few days, but I feel much better now that I’ve gotten rest. 

Though I’ll always be fighting with that void that distracts and captures my attentions, I won’t let these strings choke me.” [End Quote] 

…

October 18th 2020:

Slept: 10am Woke: 4am

Mood:2.5/10. Energy:2/10

I just feel very anxious (like pit of nervous energy going 100mph in my stomach) anxious. I’m gonna try and nap the wired energy off cause it’s making me panicked 

[Journal Entry] 

“October 18th, 2020 — Sunday, 3:46 AM

I’ve gone and slept all of saturday. But hopefully this will fix my sleep schedule. I’m also (not quite anxious, but I know the tension is there, rising, ready to explode on the horizon. Already it’s October 18th, and yet it feels as if I’ve accomplished nothing. And perhaps I haven’t.”

[End quote] 

…

“October 24th, 2020 — Saturday, 9:55 PM.

At the beginning of this page I felt indescribable emotion fill me. Everything was pointless. I’d forgotten how to fly and instead remembered how to nap. For a singular moment I wanted to sleep into nonexistence. I wanted to cry, too. But mostly, I was just tired. I could do nothing but sit and want to sleep, and I had not even the strength or energy to loathe myself for this. So I decided to scrapbook instead and then maybe sleep after I’d written all this leak in me from pen to paper. But in the (time it)  took for me to design the page I fell out of my emotional range. Instead I felt calm. Pacified. Silly, isn’t it? I’m supposed to edit today and tomorrow, but I’ve let today slip away. 

I’ve also eaten too much again. I feel sick. Like I’m eating as much as I can before a hibernation. Does my body feel a depressive episode coming before I do? Is that it? Or is my overeating and lack of control leading me into a spiral? I shouldn’t be feeling like this. So much anxious, emotional energy. I’m wired as shit and I hate this jittery-ness. 

It’s suffocating. Like a snake’s wrapped itself over me and keeps constricting, tighter, and tighter, and tighter, till there’s nothing left.”

[End of entry] 

…

“November 10, 2020 — Tuesday 

Pros: I watched lupinranger like 3 times in the span of 3 days. 

Cons: I watched lupinranger like 3 times in the span of 3 days.”

[End Quote] 

[Around 3 month time skip]

[Sunday, February 28th, 2021 — 2:04 AM] 

“I’m treading water. Another month passes. Hopefully I’ll make all I can of this last day. I walked some, but I still haven’t reached my desired destination. Guess I have no choice but to keep going! Everything has a time. I can only continue trying. That’s all I can do. To quit is to have nothing for myself, not even dreams. ‘Being confident that he who began a good work in you will carry on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.’ (-Something Phillipians.) 

I dream of many things. I pray that March gives me what I need. Please be here with me, hold my hand in these times and keep me close in your thoughts. I’m trying. I’m always trying. Day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute. I can’t do this alone. (I wish I could.) My brain is so easily distracted and it’s hard to get by even doing things I joy. I wish I had something that could force me to function. All I have is myself.  

One day I won’t just be writing dreams with no evidence. Every step is part of the journey (even if it doesn’t feel like it.) So thank you for walking with me. I don’t have the strength to do this alone. Please, please hold my hand through the anxieties and whisper that it’ll be alright. I’m blindfolded, and I’m walking on a tightrope, and I need you to tell me when and how to jump so that I’ll land in the net. I’m blind but I’m listening. September 30th feels a lightyear away. It’s hard to forget the lack when you’re faced with it everyday. And I’m unsure. Please tell me that it’s worth it. Please. Please help me. Please. Please lead me. Please help me.” 

[End of entry.]

Part: [1], [2], [3], [4]

This is the first part of the journal entries, I'll be uploading another compilation after each newly posted PPT essay.

Bipolar PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

Visuals of depressive episodes: (1), (2)

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3)

[Next]

[ladyfanatics]

2024-05-02

life sucks and i want to die. my parents possible separation keeps me up at night. im stressed out of my mind because of them, and shes always using me as a therapist. my ex bf also followed me on insta yesterday, but i still havent accepted the request. i just want get into a small ball and cry. im always oversleeping lately, i just feel like such shit. my boyfriend is also being weird rn. he really wants to have sex,but im just not up for the idea. his friends keep saying that he could do better than me, and im starting to resent everythng and everyone. maybe i should just break up wth him. idk if this will even last. he will probably break up with me anyways so i should probably do it first. or maybe im self sabotaging again. i do not trust myself after 9pm. ive learned my lesson from last summer. on that note, he always creeps into my mind every once in a while. today i listened to a song he showed me. its just so weird. i went from going to his house everyday, telling him abt my dating life, eating his food, cuddling with him, LITERALLY showing him how much i weighed, to never speaking to him again. i cant move on. i miss him and idk why. its gross. maybe its because i never got closure. but god, i miss going to his house and sleeping in his bed while telling him about my day. i dont love him romantically, but in another way that ive never felt before. i think im just crazy. i think i love him tho. i dont want him to know what i would do to be in his arms again. fuck whats wrong with me

[spaghetti-n00dles]

y'all i'm going to be so mean rn

if you're reading this, don't read below the cut

i'm am so fucking annoyed at my roommate rn

like why the fuck are you taking 45 mins, 60mins, over an hour showers?? during times that other people need to use the fucking bathroom?

like i don't think its a secret that i use the bathroom in the morning and in the evening. so why are you taking up so much time??

i used to be the type of person to just stand around in the shower cause it felt nice, and i get it. but its fucking rude when there are other people who need to use the restroom. it's not like there's another bathroom i can use, unless i want to go all the way in the fucking basement of the residence hall.

so you're making me wait 45 mins to take a shit? i hope you shit your pants in the most embarassing way istg

if youre the type of person to lose track of time in the shower, then fucking set a timer!! it's not hard! you set a timer, do everything you need to do before it goes off, and then you leave before or when it does! it is ! not ! fucking ! hard!

that way, you can have a reasonably-lengthed shower time and not inconvenience other people.

it was so fucking annoying that this person came up to me at 7am-ish and told me that they had a class at 9:20am and that they needed the shower. bro that is so fucking terrible. i have a class at 8am, so stfu.

i'm trying to go to bed at 10pm, but its really fucking difficult to do my nightly bathroom routine and then do everything else that i want to do before i go to bed when you've been in the bathroom since before 9pm and continue to be in their since 9:45pm!

and it was really fucking annoying to wake up at 6:30am, roll over and hear that you've gotten in the shower at 6:45am, then have to wait for you until you've gotten out at 7:35am! when i had an appointment at 8! it takes me less than 25 mins for me to use the bathroom in the morning.

i'm starting to fucking hate people who take a long time showering. like if you're going to take so fucking long, you need to shower at hours that no one else could possible need the bathroom.

like it's fine if you want to fuck around with your time. just don't fucking hog up the bathroom. this shit is so fucking annoying

and like i know i'm being a whiny bitch about it, and it could be solved by just me talking to her about it, but like i don't want to fucking talk about it. like how the fuck do you live with other people when you're like this

[moricrises]

.

[azucanela]

Okay so i'm feeling pretty bad atm because my best friend replaced me and i need some fluffy rn. How about hcs for the reader being coldly abandoned by their previous best friend. Believing she is alone, she falls to her knees and cries outside in the middle of the rain. A moment later, she glances over to see Bakugou, Kirishima and Shinsou behind them trying their best to cover her from the rain with their jacket. Thank you♡

COMFORTING YOU AFTER A FRIENDSHIP ENDS HEADCANNONS + SCENARIOS

[ft. bakugo katuski, kirishima ejirou, shinsou hitoshi]

SUMMARY: In which you are abandoned by your closest friend and are found by the boys. 

WORD COUNT: 2.7k

WARNINGS: mentions of murder, mean friends, me being violent, y/n has those main character moments in the rain its nice, 

A/N: bb im so sorry that they did that,,, please know that im here if you need anything and i will fight this person :D with your permission of course.

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

your so called friend ended up ditching you

im going to throw hands literally 

you end up leaving the café you have been waiting for her in, near tears, and as if it can’t get any worse, you have no ride home, so naturally, you are now walking whilst trying to keep from crying

you’re about half a mile from UA, the hill is visible in the distance and you are very relieved because you just wanna cry in your bed

then it starts to rain

so yeah it did get worse

out of frustration and the built up sadness, you just kinda start crying, coming to a stop and falling to a seat at the side of the road

you felt so alone, the one person you thought would always be around he replaced you

clearly they didn’t feel the same

meanwhile, katuski is running with his jacket above his head, cursing out the skies

and then he spots someone crying in the rain, he initially thinks nothing of it, until he realizes its you

the girl who he “begrudgingly” helped study on weekends, the one who he was up until 2AM with, even though he slept like a grandpa

now he’s cursing for a different reason, he comes over to you

he is gonna wanna kill someone when he finds out and tbh you should let him but thats just me

in the past, people have abandoned him due to his personality, and though it hurt in the moment, he got over it pretty quickly 

and tbh, most of the time he had a little squad of jerks following him around so he didn’t really care abt anyone else.

Staring at the text she’d just recieved, Y/N let out a shaky breath, trying to compose herself. Her so called best friend wasn’t coming, and would never be coming again. Apparently she had better things to do than hangout with some wannabe hero. Blinking away the tears, Y/N stood making her way to the exit of the shop, she stepped outside. 

She was beginning to regret ever leaving the UA campus, because at this point she’d much rather be crying in bed rather than in public. Y/N was suddenly grateful that the café was relatively close as she speedily walked down the sidewalk.

The one person she thought would be there for her through everything, through all the pain and joy and anything in between, was gone. Great. 

At least it couldn’t get worse than this, she decided as she saw the UA Campus in the distance, relief flooding her as her pace quickened. 

Then she saw lightning in the distance, thunder rattling in the sky, Y/N couldn’t help but wince. As water began to poor over her she paused her steps, exhaling deeply as she looked up at the sky. 

Then the tears began to fall, a hand coming to her mouth to quiet the sobs escaping her as she fell to the ground, seating herself at the side of the road, Y/N felt her body shake as she tried to force herself to even out her breathing.

Meanwhile, Katsuki was cursing out the skies, he’ been on his way back from visiting his parents when it began to pour. Immediately bringing his jacket over his body to try and shield himself from the brunt of the rain as he ran through the now empty streets. Save for one shaking person on the side of the road, causing him to raise a brow at, it was pouring rain and they were just sitting there?

He slowed temporarily to try and get a better understanding of what was going on, only to realize he recognized the person. Y/N. His classmate, the one he begrudgingly tutored on the weekend, the one he cursed out when she forgot to eat, the one who kept him up until 2AM even though his bedtime was normally 9PM.

Katsuki grimaced, coming up behind her with his jacket overhead to try and shield her from the rain as he spoke, “what the hell are you doing out right now? You’re gonna get sick.” 

Y/N jumped at the sudden voice behind her, though she knew it was Katsuki, she turned to see he was holding his jacket over the two of them, the red of her eyes a dead giveaway that she’d been crying. She couldn’t bring herself to speak as she looked up at him in shock. What was he doing here?

Katsuki’s face fell as his eyes scanned her for injuries, “who did this to you?” He wasn’t the best when it came to comfort, and he feared that would show as he began to interrogate her. 

Blinking Y/N realized what she must’ve looked like, trying to shake off the feelings she was experiencing she spoke, “we should go.” Wiping the water from her face, she moved to stand, and Katuski moved with her, his eyes still on her face. 

“Hold this side of the jacket.” He ordered, and she did as she was told, bringing one hand up to the left side of the jacket, which was now soaked in water and doing little to help. This action provided Katsuki with a freehand to put on the small of her back and push her forward rather aggressively. He lead them to a small grocery store on the street, pushing the door open. 

They were dripping wet, and looking up at Katsuki, who had returned to interrogating her, Y/N couldn’t help it when more tears leaked out of her eyes and she lunged forwards to tackle him in a hug.

He quickly shut up, body stiffening momentarily before he allowed his hands to wrap around her waist and return the hug. “Thank you,” she mumbled, burying her head in his chest.

Brows furrowed, Katsuki scoffed, “yeah, yeah. Whatever.” He turned to the view the rest of the store, “pick out some food, I’ll cook you something when we get back.”

Looking up at him, her mouth gaped open, “are you serious?”

“Did I stutter, you idiot?”

kirishima ejirou 

okay so

kirishima definitely is gonna hound you with questions when he finds you crying

like he cannot allow his bb to cry

not that you know you are his bb but like

it would be unmanly of him to just leave you in such a state so he does his best to comfort you.

has likely never experienced something like this so he can’t really empathize with you but he’ll try

basically tries to make you smile and laugh the entire time you are upset

contemplates talking to the girls for help, but he doesn’t know if you want others involved

instead texts them how girls like to be treated when sad but in a very vague way and tries to pass it off as some obscure tik tok trend

they go along with it, thankfully, mina has a major obsesssion though so shes upset she didn’t know about this trend

thats how kirishima accidentally started a tik tok trend

will respectfully commit a murder

respectfully

i’ll help

least likely to acc go through with murder tho

he’s going to try his best

also goes the food route, based off his studies via the “tik tok trend” and he will gladly hold you

Exiting the convenience store with a plastic bag of candy in hand, Kirishima sighed. He’d been out longer than anticipated, and it was already getting dark. The grey clouds above signaling the possibility of rain, Kirishima grimaced, he needed to get back to UA quickly.

He’d intended to have a movie night with the rest of the Bakusquad that night, and maybe even invite Y/N. He’d been trying to work up the courage to finally ask her out, but it hadn’t been going well. He didn’t feel very manly each time he chickened out, and Kaminari’s teasing didn’t help at all, escaping him was the main reason Kirishima agreed to pick up the candy that day. 

Sighing, Kirishima continued to walk, though the rain came faster, pouring down onto him as he groaned in annoyance, hoping that it wouldn’t damage his snacks as he pulled his jacket off to provide himself with some cover. Though it wasn’t very helpful, it was better than nothing. 

He begins to speed up, jogging slightly when he notices someone on the curb, seated. Kirishima frowns, moving behind them and bringing his jacket over them, “hey, what are you doing?” Considering how much it was raining now, and the sound of the thunder overhead, he figured the storm that was coming would only get worse. Being outside was the worst idea. And as a hero in training, he simply couldn’t allow this action. 

The mysterious person turns around, and Kirishima suddenly realizes its his classmate, his frown only deepening when he sees her swollen eyes. “Kirishima? She says, confusion clear in her tone as she looks up at him, eyes wide. They knew each other fairly well, though he could be shy at times, he was fun, and nice. And of course, rather respectful during all their interactions, she liked him. 

Kirishima pauses before finding himself sitting beside her in the pouring rain and allowing the water to hit him as he lowered his jacket, pulling a candy bar from his bag. “What’s wrong?” He asked, extending the candy to her. Though it would likely react poorly should she open it and the candy came in contact with the rain, it was the thought that counted.

Y/N’s mouth gaped open as she smiled sadly at him, taking the candy bar from him, “thank you.” She whispered, “it doesn’t really matter anymore, though.” She looks up at the sky, water cascading down her face as she inahles deeply.

Suddenly, Kirishima’s hand is in hers, “it’s bothering you, so obviously it matters.” He tugs her hand to get her to stand up alongside him, “and it wouldn’t be very manly of me to leave a pretty lady out in the rain.” 

A laugh escaped Y/N at this, “and I could never force a handsome man like yourself to stay out in rain.” Comes her reply, “let’s go.”

She wasn’t alone. Not while she had him.

shinsou hitoshi

WELL

definitely the best at comforting someone especially with something like this

feeds you sweets because food makes everything better, will be affectionate just for this instance because he knows you just want some love during this time

the best to talk to about it tbh, he’s very good at giving advice and listening to your problems

i feel like shinsou has probably experienced something similar in the past and he’s gonna understand what you are feeling

won’t try to make you open up but you’ll want to, he has a comforting presence

very calm about it, gently speaks with you and guides your actions, makes sure you take care of yourself if you are in a really bad place

once you’ve stopped crying he’ll ask you what happened and should you tell him he’ll honestly be VERY mad

like why would someone do that to an ANGEL like YOU???

is genuinely confused and potentially in a murderous mood

and he has the quirk to get away with it

wants to go off on this person though, desperately, and should he ever run into them they are going to get a piece of his mind

a really really mean piece of his mind

Shinsou frowned as he felt a droplet of water fall onto his head, realizing that rain would likely come soon, he picked up the pace of his walk. He’d been out at the bookstore, and was suddenly grateful that he hadn’t bought anything as he watched everyone in the shopping center begin to retreat to their cars and into shops. 

He watched a lightning flashed in the distance, brows furrowing at the realization that a storm was coming when thunder accompanied the sight and pouring rain soon followed. UA wasn’t far, but he didn’t really want to have to run in the rain up the hill the school had been built upon.

Turning a corner, his eyes scanned the area in search of a shop he could wait out the storm in when they fell on the figure of someone seated in the rain, no umbrella or hood to protect them from the downfall, and their body shaking. 

Then he recognized the hoodie. It was his actually, and he knew exactly who he’d lent it to. 

Y/N L/N. The pretty girl in the hero course who’d threatened anyone who spoke poorly of him, defending his honor even though he never asked. She was always kind to him, even when they weren’t the closest of friends. Though that had changed, the pair now talking almost daily about a variety of things, something Shinsou was grateful for.

Questions flood his mind as he removes his jacket and brings it above him, going over to her, and when he’s close enough he can hear her small sobs, barely muffled by the palm of her hand. Shinsou can’t help but feel concerned as he brings his jacket above her to shield her from the rain, “hey, let’s go.” He mumbles gently. 

Y/N looks up at him, her eyes red and puffy, and if it weren’t pouring Shinsou would’ve hugged her right there. “What are you doing?” When she’d simply collapsed in the rain, her emotions overwhelming her, she hadn’t assumed Shinsou would randomly appear.

“Getting you out of the rain.” Came his response, “come on, we can wait out the storm in the café.” Shinsou would’ve extended a hand had he not be preoccupied by holding up his jacket, which was now soaking through.

Sniffing, she nodded, “yeah, you’re right.” She stands, and he follows her movements, jacket never leaving her figure as the pair makes their way to the door of the café. Y/N pushes the door open, and they both enter, allowing him to finally put the jacket above his head down, though it started soaking onto the floor. 

He threw it outside, much to Y/N’s shock, “I don’t wanna dirty the floor.” Shinsou explained nonchalantly, his purple hair sticking to his forehead. “Have you eaten?” 

“Sorry about your hoodie.” She mumbled, at they moved out of the way of the entrance. 

Raising a brow, he extended a hand, “that didn’t answer my question.” 

Y/N’s brows furrowed as she looked to his hand, tilting her head in confusion as she placed her hand into his, Shinsou gave her a small smile before leading her to the line of the café as she replied, “no. I didn’t.”

His brows draw together as she looks at her, she seems resigned, quieter than normal. “How about a muffin then? Or maybe a cupcake?” He peers into the display window, squinting at the variety of foods. “I say cupcakes,” In his experience, sugary foods always made things better, to an extent at least. 

Giving him a tight lipped smile, she nodded, “sure.” He was trying. It was better than nothing if she was honest. Considering the fact that her best friend had abandoned her today, it was a nice reminder, that she wasn’t alone. She had other people, regardless of what had happened.

Shinsou’s eyes met hers as he sighed, bringing his free hand to the back of his neck, “you wanna talk about it?” He knew they’d have to address it at some point, there was no denying that she had clearly been crying, something had upset her. 

Shaking her head, Y/N pulled him closer using their joined hands and brought him into a hug, “not right now.” It was an oddly intimate moment, despite the fact that they were in public.

Regardless, he pulls her tightly against him, wrapping his arms around her protectively as he responds, “alright. 

A/N: if anyone ever needs to talk or anything pls know im here! my dms are always open to anyone for anything :D

anyways, remember to sleep well, eat food, and drink water!

[vlogsquadssquad]

model for me - pt. 2

summary: a continuation of model for me. David and y/n go out to town for another shoot, will they be able to resist each other for the photos?

a/n: I feel like this one is so short but A LOT of people have asked for a part 2. I think its cute and im thinking of doing a pt 3, ill try to make that one extra long.

warnings: drinking, language, alluding to sex.

mood board:

your instagram post:

- YOUR POV

“so i saw that picture you posted on instagram,” david says as i walk into his house. “you know that’s against our contract for you to post sexy photos on your own instagram.” i laugh now realizing he’s kidding.

“oh, you thought it was sexy?” i say as i head over to the couch where he sat. he clears his throat.

“nope. definitely not sexy.” and then side smiles to me. i roll my eyes.

“what are you working on?” I ask plopping down next to him.

“well i’m trying to find inspiration for our next shoot. i feel like we’ve already done all the big stuff so where does it go from there?”

i take a minute to think and David tries to read my expressions. “you could tape me to your wall naked!” he throws his head back in a big laugh. “or you could put a giant snake on me... naked.” i giggle at the thought. he raises an eyebrow,

“hey those are good ideas.” his tongue poking out slightly.

“no no please don’t take me up on those offers” i laugh nervously.

he looks to me and for a split second i feel almost sexual tension. he glances to his hallway.

“NATALIIEEEEE, ORDER A GIANT PYTHON!”

“NO NATALIE DO NOT DO THAT!!!”

“NATALIE YOU WORK FOR ME DO IT!!”

“holy fuck you guys why are you screaming?” she says as she walks down the hall.

my face goes slightly red and i giggle.

- texts w/ davey😈

< i came up with an idea

oh god what is it? >

< late night, fun, blurry, slightly sexy photos! i’ll send some inspiration.

wow they actually look good! let’s do it! tonight? >

< yes and bring a couple outfits. we’re going downtown and i have a hotel booked to change in.

thank you daddy d!! >

< shut the fuck up 😂

- DAVIDS POV

“hey you ready yet?” i ask as i walk into her house. she texted me to come in. i look around the dark house. “hello? y/n?”

“BOO!” she yells out around the corner

“fuck, i knew it.”

“no you didn’t! don’t lie to me! i totally got you!”

“ok ok you totally got me.” I chuckle.

i take a minute to take in her outfit. she looks beautiful in red.

“i’m gonna go get my suitcase of dresses. i’ll be right back.” she says to break the silence.

- in the car

“im so excited, the pictures you sent me looked sick!” she says to me. I glance her way and flash her a smile. 

“yeah and I have the best model in LA so it'll be breezy.”

she smiles at me and my heart melts. I look back at the road and try to focus.

- at the hotel

“wow David, its beautiful!” she says as she opens the door to the hotel room.

“yeah I liked this hotel as a background. its gorgeous.” 

“hmm, one bed huh?” she raises an eyebrow to me and giggles.

I sigh, “well we’re not staying the night, but if its too weird I can go down-”

“David! calm down I was just teasing you.” she smiles. she puts her hand on my shoulder and I wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans. 

“okay, well im going to go set this down and then we’ll head out?” she nods to me

I nod back. I find myself watching her as she walks away. I felt guilty so I looked down at my hands. already sweating again. these shoots were a bad idea. considering ive had feelings for her for a while. how could I not? she's everything ive wanted. I get pulled from my thoughts when I see her coming around the corner.

“you ready?”

“as ill ever be.” she kinda looks confused but I usher her out the door with camera in hand. 

- YOUR POV

“stand there real quick. look fierce.” 

“okay now maybe lay across the stairs? pull your dress, show some leg, girl!”

I giggle. he's such a goofy photographer. 

“did you shave your legs?”

I throw my head back in a laugh and I see the light flash.

“that one was perfect.”

“can I see it?” I ask.

“damn yeah it looks great.”

he smiles to me. “okay, lets take a few more and then we’ll go change.”

- the hotel room

“listen I know its 9pm but were you planning on feeding me? I don't work for free.” I look at him waiting for an answer.

he chuckles as he sets his camera down.

“yes, im starving. lets get at least one more dress done and then we can go eat.”

“ok cause I was about to have to call my union.” he laughs at my joke.

I head to the bathroom to change. I have a couple more dresses but I decided to go with this pink club-y type dress. as I slide it on I take one more look in the mirror. I sigh and fix my dress. ill never be pretty enough for him. all night i’ve been having thoughts, ‘maybe he likes me too.’ I know i’m not his type so why am I even entertaining the idea? I turn off the light and head out.

I do a playful spin.

“whatcha think?”

“you look like a dork.”

I stop and pout. “what do you mean?”

“well, ive given you enough compliments on how beautiful you are today. i don't want your head getting too big and leaving me for a real photographer.” 

I laugh, “no, no. real photographers would pay me in money,” I grab my phone off the table and he grabs his water. “you pay me in burgers, so im all yours.” he laughs as he opens the door for me and I walk out of the hotel room once again. we take a few photos of down the hall and in the elevator. finally we get outside and David sees a perfect seat for me. 

“aha! sit there!” I laugh at how excited he got. 

“okay, okay, calm down. you'll pop a woody.” I laugh

he throws his head back in an infectious laugh.

“you wish.”

I cover my face as it gets redder and he snaps a photo.

“don't take a picture!” 

“sorry, I love the candid ones.”

I laugh and another flash goes off. at this point its just flash after flash he's laughing and im yelling at him to stop. im sure there's some not so pleasant ones in the bunch.

“hey, lets go back up, get changed, and then eat.” David offers after we settle down.

“we barely took any though!” 

“I know, but im hungry, and we took a bunch in the hall, and its getting late.”

“first reason was good enough for me. lets go!”

- DAVIDS POV

we sat down at this nice place to eat. she wanted steak so I asked Natalie where the best steak in downtown was. she said this was it. she's wearing a simpler dress now. probably still thinking we’ll end up taking more pictures. I just want to be with her, honestly. she's so funny and smart. 

“anything to drink?”

“cosmo please.” she says.

“just a water for now.” 

“a water?” y/n says as the waitress walks away. 

“yeah, I didn't know we were drinking! I have to drive back!”

“we can always take an uber, and ill have you know today has been very stressful. I had to change my dress three times!” she says as she flips her hair. I just laugh at her. she's so great. 

“here's your drinks, can I get you any appetizers?” 

“actually ill have a margarita please.”

y/n gasps, “David dobrik!” I laugh and the waitress smiles.

“coming right up.”

“wow I can't believe I pressured you into a drink.”

“hey, ive had a hard day too. I had to click this little button like 150 times.”

“our lives are so hard” she smiles as she takes a sip of her drink.

we finally start eating but im already feeling the buzz. we’re definitely taking an uber. everything y/n says is so funny.

after many many laughs and drunken slurring we call an uber and head back to the hotel.

“so we’re crashing here?” y/n asks slightly slurred but a lot better than before.

the hallway looks like its spinning in slow motion.

“I guess, I can sleep on the couch though.”

“no, its fine. I don't care.” she says as I open the door.

she's laughing so hard as she stumbles in. she's gorgeous. suddenly im thinking a little clearer. she just said I could share a bed with her.

she jumps on the desk and asks if I want room service.

I chuckle to myself and grab my camera.

“we just ate!”

“oh fuck we did didn't we?” she laughs. I take a quick photo and her eyes dart to me. 

“hey, I wasn't ready!” she throws a note pad at me.

“im sorry, im sorry,” I pause to smile. “you're just so incredible.”

“what...?” she whispers now.

“I know im drunk and tell me im being a creep, but I just have to get this off my chest.” she searches my face for any clue I could give for what im about to say. I step closer. “I have the biggest, fattest, crush on you.”

she bursts out laughing. im a little taken back. is she laughing at me?

“umm... okay..” I say, suddenly embarrassed by my confession.

“no no!” she yells as she's hunched over laughing. “I just- I can't-” she pauses to breathe. “I was in the bathroom today feeling shitty because I thought I wasn't your type.”

“what are you saying?” I ask, slightly smiling.

“ive been crushing on you sooooo fucking hard!” she yells. I go closer to her and put my finger over her mouth shushing her.

“people are sleeping and while I want to shout from the rooftops, I also don't want to leave this hotel room.” I say. she nods her head and looks me in the eyes. my finger still in front of her mouth.

“you make me the happiest guy in the world.” I whisper.

“you make me the happiest girl in the world.” she whispers back.

she moves in closer until our lips are finally connected. she's soft and sweet. my hands find their way to her back. her hands are in my hair. suddenly we’re moving faster and our kiss is getting stronger. I never want to leave this hotel room.

--

my eyes slowly open to the sunlight shining through the room. I rub my eyes and look around the room. I see a naked y/n next to me. her hair falling perfectly around her shoulders as she lays on her side. her naked back looks like art. while I love the view im also confused. then I realize im naked and my heart starts beating out my chest. it starts coming back to me in flashes. our magical night. her breaths are long and deep so I know she's still asleep. I flip over and grab my phone from the nightstand.

JASON: David answer your phone, what's going on?

NAT: call me asap

ILYA: are you guys serious rn?

MEGAN (publicist): Dave we need to talk

TODD: check twitter dude!

why is my phone blown up? I open up twitter and there I see it.

“David dobrik and y/f/n caught in bed!” read the article title.

“fuck” I groan.

“Dave?” I hear a little voice from behind me.

part threeeeeeeee?!?!?!?!?

[flintstill]

honestly its 5:30am and my appendix didnt burst i should have never fucking come to the hospital im so sleep deprived i have 3 MOREexams and a project due this week i’ve been waiting for results of a fucking scan for 3 hours its so fucking loud theres no possible way i could sleep and i was already sleep deprived when I was going to go to bed at 9pm i want to fucking cry rn

I was honestly ready to go to bed 2 hours ago 😭  (tbh I wanted to go to bed at like 3pm but I could at least justify going to bed at 9 and having gotten a decent amount of work done. Now it’s two hours after that point that I’m still awake and dring those two hours I haven’t gotten any work done D: I have Three MORE exams this week on top of the final I just had today. fml)

errrbody pray dis just a kidney stone