#i could definitely make this better but it is 2am and i simply do not care

[iridescentis]

I haven’t made an edit in exactly 3 years (wild that coincidence) but I was painfully bored and I cannot stop thinking about perfectdolls + the crane wives so here is a shitty edit i whipped up in like an hour lmao

inspiration from the lovely @disorganised-bagel their edit led me down this path of obsession <3

[muniimyg]

prologue // series m.list

note: no concussion will stop me … hi jus making sure u all still love me </3

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @pamzn @defzcl @maryy1300 @whoa-jo @taetaecatboy @jksusawife @un06 @firesighgirl @rrosiitas @butterymin @parkinglot-nights @musicjournalsjdb @kissyfacekoo @jkslvsnella @vampcharxter @bloopkook @kekerrreke @somehowukook @bbystarcandykoo

//

Jungkook hates studying. 

Although his grades prove to differ, a part of him has always thought it was simply good luck. For the most part, he’s an A student… Truth be told, he’s more of a cram-it-all-at-2AM kind of guy. On the odd days that Jungkook felt like he needed to prepare more, he liked studying in the University’s nest. There’s a good coffee cart there and it’s definitely much more social than the hideous library. 

Yet, the nest and his bedroom ceased to exist when he met you.

When he met you, Jungkook stepped into the library for the first time in nearly three years.

It was so odd.

He felt like a new student. It was a whole different world in that stuffy library of yours... He wanted to understand it so bad. Maybe that's why he kept coming back. Sooner than later, he realized that it wasn't the library he was trying to understand; it was you.

And it felt weird right off the bat. He felt so... Confused? Alone? It occurred to him just then that no one really talks about what happens when you develop feelings for someone... How you begin to alter your routine just so it can match theirs and how every little thing that you see becomes an excuse for you to use to see or talk to them about.

Since when did he care about who was in your Instagram story?

Since when did he care about which parties you were attending?

Since when did he give a shit about sitting next to you?

Oh, and not to mention the sudden change in preference... But let's fucking talk about the preference change.

He used to really like going down 3RD Ave to go home from the library, but you said it was too busy of a path. Going down 5TH Ave takes 5 minutes longer, but it's okay. The scenery is prettier. The walk is calmer. It's also conveniently closer to your place.

He used to not give a shit about oat or soy milk. Regular milk is fine. He's not even lactose. But since you prefer oat milk; so does he. You're right. It does make drinks taste better.

He used to only get haircuts once every 2-3 months... But you said he looked handsome when he cut his hair shorter than usual. Now, his barber asks him, "Seriously, bro, what's her name?" once a month.

It's mindblowing.

There are so many things he's changed about himself before he even realized he liked you. There are so many things that changed in his life just for the mere chance of you liking it or noticing it.

Like, fuck.

He's such a fucking loser.

Jungkook doesn’t know why he feels this way... He just does. It swirls in his stomach and presses on his chest. Simply, he’s confused about whether he can control it or not.

This feeling.

This change.

Truly, all he knows is that if you like something, he likes it too.

If you hate something, he hates it too. 

If you do something, he will do it too. 

A part of himself can’t even be upset at this change. At the end of the day, he was studying better. He was seating himself in a less overstimulating environment and above all; he was always with you. 

How could he be upset at that?

His thoughts pause as he feels you squeeze his arm for his attention. Gladly, he gives it to you.

"Hmm?"

"I think I'm all done for tonight—oh gosh—" Your words are cut off as you turn your face and meet his. He's so close! It caught you so off guard that your phone slipped from your hands.

"S-sorry," you apologize, pushing your chair back, bending down, and getting on the floor to find your phone. Jungkook quickly follows you, getting off his seat and meeting you under the table. "I didn't realize you were so close—"

"I was?" he asks, voice a little shakey. From the corner of his eye, he sees your phone and reaches for it. Just as he's about to give it to you, you laugh in response.

"I guess that's how close you usually sit to me. I was so focused on my work and when I finally turn away it was like boom! Jungkook!"

His facial expression remains blank as you ramble. You look at him softly, feeling a little confused. "Did you get another haircut, by the way? It looks good!"

He blushes.

You smile at him warmly, inching backward to get up from under the table.

"This? It was whatever—"

Jungkook's words cut off as a muted thud interrupts. He saw it happen. It happened so fast. Your forehead collides with the table's edge, eliciting a sharp gasp of pain.

He reaches for you, placing his hand over your forehead and hissing. "Shit, ___! Are you okay?"

Blinking away tears of discomfort, you wince as Jungkook presses his hand to your throbbing temple. "I'm okay," you murmur, trying to downplay the pain, though your voice trembles slightly.

It's in this moment that you take in how Jungkook looks at you. His eyes soften with concern as he studies your flushed cheeks and furrowed brow. Leaning in closer, he brushes a strand of your hair away from your face. His touch is so gentle and reassuring at the same time. It must be the bump because for some reason... You're dizzy.

You meet his gaze. Jungkook offers you a small smile and you melt. Despite the throbbing ache in your head, a warmth spread throughout your body at the sight of his fucking smile.

It's not even his best one.

His best smile happens when you say something under your breath and he catches it. Teasing you relentlessly, you've grown to accept his behaviour in exchange of seeing that damn smile of his.

It was worth it.

"Here," Jungkook takes your hand, “let’s get you an ice pack—owh, fuck."

Unsure if it's because he was nervous and distracted by the fact he was holding your hand, Jungkook clearly got ahead of himself. He doesn't time this right. His body jerked up too early, swiftly attempting to escape. Instead, a similar muted thud noise causes a muffled curse to escape his lips. The pain radiates through his skull and you look at him, knowing the feeling all too well.

Jungkook is stunned.

Jungkook is stupid.

What kind of genius hits his head trying to get out from under the table too?

As your eyes widen, your hands fly to the back of his head. You rub his head and lean in closer. Jungkook places his hand on your wrist, biting the inside of his cheeks.

He didn't know what emotion he felt more of... Was he embarrassed or was he was just super pissed at this fucking table right now?

Or was he kind of loving this?

You're so close to him that he can take your scent in. You smell so good... And you're so pretty up close. He pouts, and utters; "fuck, that really hurt."

You throw your head back and laugh. "I think we're idiots," you tell him. “Seriously, are you okay?”

“Yeah..” He snickers. "Wanna keep this a secret? Let’s never tell anyone about this... Ever."

He offers you his pinky. With your free hand, you intertwine them and make your promise.

At that moment, as you two locked eyes, everything began to fade away. Jungkook wasn't pissed anymore.

Why should he be?

There was solace in your gaze. It was a good reminder that you care for him... And wow, did that make him feel good.

His heart beats faster and faster.

Then, it skips a beat.

As Jungkook feared, you had truly done it now.

With the slightest touch, the softest smile, and kindest eyes... You mesmerize him and he finds it difficult—impossible—to get himself out of this.

“Is this even helping—“

Jungkook catches your hands, keeping them on him. You tilt your head but smile shyly. He clears his throat.

“Y-yeah,” he lies. “I think I hit my head harder than you. Can you just.. Yeah?”

You nod, moving in closer. At this point, there’s no space between you two. You continue to rub his head and he does everything he can to memorize this.

Every detail on your face.

How your touch feels.

How you touch his heart.

The way he feels right now… Oh, god. It’s too much. It’s a kind of high he has never felt before.

For a moment you two sit there and it’s like there is no world aside from the one you two found in each others presence. Under the table, laughing and comforting each other—oh, it felt golden. Jungkook couldn't believe it... He couldn't believe how this fleeting moment changed everything he ever felt about you. There was no going back. There was no way out either... There was just... This.

Here.

Now.

What bliss? How slowly, then all at once, you bloomed for his gaze.

[discords-morgan]

"And if I should falter,"

Jounouchi runs from his old man late at night, and takes refuge with the Mutous. He asks a favour from the spirit of the puzzle.

2am fever dream two nights in a row let's go 🎉🎉🎉

We need more Jou angst I stg THERE IS NEVER ENOUGH

Content warning, implied drinking/phys abuse because Jou's dad is a pos amirite <3333

“Thanks for this, Mrs Mutou. Really.”

“You're welcome. Just keep it down after ten o’clock and don't stay up too late. Breakfast is normally at seven,” Mrs Mutou explained, in a stern but kindly tone as she placed the last pillow neatly on top of the blankets in Jounouchi’s arms. He simply nodded. 

“Got it.”

“Good. Yugi will have set up the futon by now, I think, so you can head up. Let me know if you need anything.” 

“Sure thing, ma’am,” Jounouchi gave her a crooked smile (though not his brightest, he’d be the first to admit) and turned to head up the stairs, missing Mrs Mutou’s soft frown. The adrenaline from the run here had begun to wear off, and he was exhausted. Not to mention that Yugi’s mom had calming vibes for days, it was nearly impossible to freak out with her around.

Nearly.

Jou knew how Yugi could get. He’d gotten a lot better, but the odd panic attack still got to him sometimes. Jounouchi wasn't any better, though.

Especially not tonight.

As much as Jounouchi loved hanging out with Yugi and his family (tag-along puzzle spirit included), he absolutely despised having to bother them like this. It was eight o’clock at night. Long past sundown, and definitely past any normal visiting hours. Yet Jounouchi had sprinted all the way here anyway like a stag in the woods, running from a hunter.

A drunk hunter. With a broken beer bottle instead of a rifle.

“Yug’, your mom is a badass,” Jounouchi sighed, stepping into Yugi’s bedroom and closing the door behind him with his ankle. The futon was laid out, ready for as many blankets and pillows they could fit. Yugi just giggled.

“Yeah, she's pretty cool.”

Jounouchi dumped the stack of pillows and blankets Mrs Mutou had ladened him with onto the squishy futon, and he and Yugi set to work on straightening out the instant mess. Unfolding blankets and fluffing pillows.

“She’d never turn you away, y’know. None of us would,” Yugi looked up from tucking blankets, and Jounouchi regretted meeting his gaze. The biggest, roundest violet eyes stared directly into his soul, using every ounce of puppy-eyes powered persuasion possible. Jounouchi managed to rip his attention away and back to pillows. 

“I know, man. Don't worry about me.”

If Jounouchi was honest, ‘don’t worry' was the worst thing you could ever say to a Mutou, especially Yugi and the spirit. But it was the only thing Jounouchi could bring himself to say.

Yugi hummed quietly and followed suit, continuing to make the small temporary bed. 

A soft shine caught Jounouchi’s eye and he glanced up to Yugi’s desk - the culprit being the golden puzzle, its singular eye staring down at them. If he didn't know any better, he’d think it was watching him with something akin to a wide-eyed caution. Like he was the dangerous one.

But he did know better, and the truth was the spirit was probably watching them from some high up perch on the set of drawers or the bookshelf, rather than in the puzzle. He’d probably be way more obviously tense and worried than Yugi would ever appear, ready to leap to Jounouchi's defence in some crazy game at a moment’s notice.

…then Jounouchi had a thought.

He frowned and shook his head, as if the motion would force the offending thoughts to come trailing out of his ears and far away from him. 

“You okay, Jou?” 

Jounouchi looked up, doing his best to smooth over the sudden frown. Yugi was back to looking so heartbreakingly worried, and Jou was starting to think he might not make it through the night without cracking. His eyes stung, and he forced a small smile. 

“Yeah, I’m good.”

Yugi didn't look convinced.

~

That morning had been fine. The old man had been a bit cranky, but nothing too bad. Jou could handle it. Thankfully he’d had school, so the afternoon was fine too. 

The evening was worse.

The old man had started drinking before he’d even gotten back, and was half-unconscious. Stumbling around the apartment, searching. His car keys (sold), spare cash or coins (not a bit left, except for Jounouchi’s secret stash under the carpet in his wardrobe), or another beer. Something somehow pissed him off, beyond Jounouchi’s comprehension. 

Maybe it was because he’d caught Jou actually attempting to do some homework for once, or the fact that it was Mother’s Day a week ago. Maybe it was just the debt he was yelling about, having grown exponentially in the few days Jounouchi had been gone for the Battle City finals.

It didn't matter. Jounouchi didn't really remember anyway - the smashed beer bottle swinging in his face had made him shut down, run on auto-pilot. He’d gotten away and booked it before he realised what he was doing.

He hadn't had to run that fast in ages. He didn't really have a designated Somewhere™ to go. Honda was visiting his grandparents (of course, what timing), Anzu and Miho were totally off-limits, and Ryou had no idea what his dad was like. So his legs had carried him to Yugi’s place, and Jounouchi didn't really care if it was on purpose or not.

Safest place in town had to be the spot with the only-slightly-crazy, severely overprotective ghost haunting it.

Jounouchi would know. He didn't personally see the guy in action during his more murderous heyday, but he saw the wreckage he left behind when he decided he was bored and done playing.

The spirit only went after those who had done something wrong, though. Those who went down a darker, crueller path, and Jounouchi was sure there was some irony there. Those who specifically wronged Yugi, nine-and-a-half times out of ten. The last remaining half was when someone had wronged them - a teacher that had it out for Anzu, or an older student that sabotaged Miho. 

Though, those generally earned much milder punishments. 

It was dark, now - the lights were off and the only way to see was by the softly glowing stars stuck to the ceiling. Remnants from when Yugi was much younger, probably. Less gothic.

Yugi was asleep, as far as Jounouchi could tell. Curled up tight around pillows and blankets in his bed, startlingly peaceful considering the day-to-day life he lived. 

Jounouchi, meanwhile, wasn't sleepy at all despite his total exhaustion, physical and emotional. He could only stare at the glowing stars on the ceiling, hoping the fluffy blankets and pillows stuffed in around him would eventually smother him and then he would finally know peace.

He could honestly say that he’d prefer to be in a room with just Seto Kaiba than alone with his own thoughts right now. Putting up with Kaiba sounded easy when contrasted with reliving all the shouting and beating and the-

“...hey, spirit? Yami? Are you here right now?” Jounouchi whispered, feeling like the biggest idiot for talking to what was probably an empty room. What did he know, maybe ghosts needed sleep too and he was being insensitive. Was he being an asshole for just calling him ‘spirit’? What if Yami was just Yugi’s name for him and-

Ugh, was this what it felt like for Yugi before he and Anzu took on the roles of Social Protectors™? This was exhausting and so frustrating he could punch something.

Jounouchi just sighed into the night time silence, turning on his side. Who knows, maybe spirits dream of counting ghost sh-

“Jeezus, man, warn a guy next time,” Jounouchi hissed, his heart pounding in his chest from the sudden spook. The dark outline of Yugi that had suddenly swung upright in bed quietly perched on the edge of the mattress, legs crossed. Scarlet eyes glanced away to the side, in what Jounouchi couldn't tell was either a little shame or mild amusement. Probably both, but he had a frustrating poker face.

He’d always appeared a little taller than Yugi - whether it was just how he held himself or some other magic shenanigans, Jounouchi didn't know. Or maybe it was the wild bedhead of his hair when in the thick of a game, too enraptured to really care about how he looked.

That sounded more like him.

“...sorry.” Shame it was, then.

“‘s okay, not your fault,” Jounouchi sat up as well, hugging a plushie scapegoat tight to his chest. It was honestly a little surprising that he’d appeared so quickly, or at all. “Thanks for bein’ here.”

The spirit - Yami - nodded, looking back at Jou. Jounouchi resisted the urge to shudder under his silently observant gaze. He honestly had no idea if he’d ever talked to him one on one before - Yugi was always there, watching and listening in just in case either of them needed back up. He knew Anzu had taken the spirit out for the day once, though. That was when Battle City launched.

“...is Yugi listening?”

“No, he’s still sleeping,” Yami shook his head a little, his voice unnaturally quiet but audible. It was a little weird, Jounouchi really only heard him talk when they were in trouble and they needed his help. His overwhelming confidence and righteous anger was contagious, and that energy was matched in his voice in a way that was almost regal.

He sounded so soft spoken now. Closer to what Yugi or Ryou sounded like - or it was just that he actually sounded like the isolated, amnesiac, slightly-awkward ghost boy he’d turned out to be. Jounouchi could almost forget he was the same ghost boy as the one that had driven several other students insane, and tortured several more in the name of his own brand of justice.

But that was why he wanted to talk to him.

“Is there something wrong? No one has approached the front or back doors, if that's what you're worried about,” Yami added, his pale face naturally settling into his signature focused frown - more concerned than determined. “I would know.”

“Wait, you’ve been watching them the whole time?” Jounouchi asked, eyes wide. Yami nodded, and Jou could only blink at him for the next few seconds, stunned. It made sense, that was probably why Yugi had seemed a little spacey in conversation earlier. He’d been listening out for Yami just in case. 

There was a sharp pang in his chest, and Jounouchi hugged the scapegoat plushie a little tighter. 

“...thanks, man. Really, it means a lot.”

Yami nodded silently. What would he do without these two, really? Well, if he were honest with himself, he’d probably be dead in a ditch somewhere. Either at someone else’s hand, or…

“You didn't answer my question.”

Jounouchi looked up at Yami under blond bangs, like his hair could deflect his concerned stare away from him. Right. He didn't answer his question. He’d been so caught off-guard by what the spirit had been doing that he’d forgotten.

“Right, sorry. Nah, nothin’s wrong, just… thinkin’.”

“Mm. A dangerous game indeed.”

Joey snorted, a smile appearing on his face despite himself. He rocked back a little on his hips, feeling a little lighter. Banter was all in the line of work, but jokes of this calibre? Outside of all the action, late at night with just the two of them? With seemingly no other purpose, other than to make Jou smile just a little? That tugged on his heartstrings. 

“Yeah, it is.” 

Jounouchi thought he saw Yami smirking too.

Then Jounouchi took a deep breath, drawing his knees up to his chest. Both their smiles faded, and the mood of the conversation levelled out again - more pensive, a patient silence.

“Did- Did Yugi ever tell you why my old man is the way he is?” Jounouchi asked, keeping his eyes fixed on one spot in the blankets. There was a tiny little hole in the fleece, probably from the worrying and poking of Tiny Yugi fingers. Threads had started to come loose, and it seemed exactly like something that would bug him.

It took a lot of effort to stay focused on that tiny little spot, instead of on Yami, sitting tense and at attention. Probably sifting through any memories of his own to check, just in case.

“...I know a little, just from watching. Yugi wouldn't want to explain anything without your permission.” 

Jounouchi couldn't tell whether that was some comfort or less comfort. 

He took another deep breath - just like a bandaid.

“Right- long story short, he drinks a lot and he’s got a lot of debt. Gamblin’ and stuff,” Jounouchi explained, trailing off. He couldn't remember the old man without the drinking, or the cards and dice. The chips and roulette counters. 

“After today, I thought… well, I remembered I’ve got cards. Graceful Dice, Roulette Spider, Time Wizard,” Once he started talking, he couldn't stop. He saw the spirit move, but he couldn't bring himself to so much as blink, let alone look him in the eye. “I just started thinkin’, I’m already half-way there. What if I turn into him? An’ start hurting people?”

“Hurting you guys, and Shizuka? Mai?” Jounouchi was vaguely aware he was shaking now - the scapegoat was trembling in his arms. His eyes stung, but he still didn't blink. “I couldn't live with myself, man. I couldn't.”

“Which is why you gotta promise me somethin’, Yami,” He heard the bed creak but it sounded so far away. At the other end of a distant tunnel. Was he still breathing? Yeah, probably. It was fine. He couldn't feel his toes anymore but that was fine too. 

“If I ever go bad - not like I was before you, I mean bad bad - I want you to get rid of me. Penalty game or mind crush me or whatever the thing is that you did to Kaiba, and Ushio, and Hirotani, and whoever else,” Jounouchi finally wrenched his watery stare up from the hole in the blanket, up to where Yami was, now standing above him. Staring at him with an expression Jou had never seen on him before. 

“Please. Promise me.”

It was an odd expression - somewhere between sadness and mild surprise. Disbelief, even. What made it odd was that he was so clearly doing his utmost to maintain a flawless poker face, which meant that if Jounouchi could read that much from this look alone, whatever he was actually feeling was so much bigger.

Total, heartbroken, devastation.

Jounouchi almost regretted saying anything at all, but he needed to know. He needed to know that everyone he cared about so deeply would be safe, even from him. 

The poker face repaired itself, his expression blank and even again, and Jounouchi allowed himself some hope. 

Yami raised his hand slowly, and he fought the deep-seated urge to flinch away as he pressed the heel of his palm to Jounouchi’s forehead, his fingers threaded in his hair. His hand was cold, and it nearly made him shiver. 

A moment later, a soft, gold glow appeared, outlining a symbol on Yami’s forehead. An eye, much like the one on the puzzle hanging around his neck. The light threw the shadows of the room into harsh relief around his face, void of expression. 

Gone was Yugi’s other half, the infinitely worried, slightly awkward ghost boy from earlier. In his place was this, judge, jury, executioner rolled in one. The devil gamer with a chip on his shoulder and traps aplenty.

The sight alone was terrifying. Enough to make Jounouchi’s blood run cold and his lungs fall still.

“I swear it. If one day you do bring harm to those that care for you, I promise I will not hesitate to serve due punishment.”

His words were whispered, but they carried enough weight to feel like a firm oath. Like each breath commanded the darkness to bend to his will.

Brief terror melted into relief, and Jounouchi finally forced himself to exhale.

The golden glow melted away, the darkness receded, and the lamp on the desk flickered to life, though Jounouchi couldn't recall either of them turning it on. Yami knelt in front of him, lowering his hand. Gone the devil gamer, returned the ghost boy. 

“I don't believe your fears will be realised, Jou. There has never been true darkness in your soul, and there never will be,” Yami whispered, and it seemed like he almost wilted in front of him. The poker face was failing again, and this time he didn't try to fix it. 

“You are strong. The love and care you have for your friends and family is second to none. You are safe with them, and they are safe with you.”

Joey sniffed and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his old hoodie, willing himself not to cry more. It was harder to breathe now than earlier, though now it was because of all the feelings and emotions swirling around in his chest, constructing his ribcage. He felt a light hand on his shoulder, and he put his own hand over it. 

“...Jou? How are you feeling?”

Jounouchi could almost crack a smile. Poor guy sounded so nervous. He’d never heard Yami nervous before.

“Better. Thanks, man.” 

Jounouchi finished drying his eyes of the old tears and lowered his arm, just barely managing to stop any new ones from falling. Yami nodded slightly in response, the look on his face so stricken with care that it made Jounouchi’s chest hurt again.

“You should get some sleep, Jou. I'll be here,” Yami began, and Jounouchi let him pull his hand away. He nodded and slumped back against the pillows and plushies on the futon as Yami got up and walked back to bed. He felt lighter, more free. Like he could breath after being stuck underwater. 

The desk light switched off on its own, and Jounouchi thought he could see the dark shape of crossed legs and wild hair on top of the dresser. A soft smile crossed Jou’s face and he snuggled back into the futon, drifting off to sleep at last.

_____________________________________________

This is the product of many posts that settled and made a home in my lil brain space. Jou's situation arguably being the most tragic, his dad's gambling paired with the fact that he uses a Lot of gambling/luck based cards? Jou's already more than willing to throw down, but What If, y'know? Yugi and Yami Care™ for Jou very very much like all their friends, but I think Yami has a soft spot for Jounouchi specifically. They're just lil guys :3c

Also very sorry if I forgor anything it's been so long and I have no idea about tumblr's fic etiquette

[darlingmisa]

Do you think you could write about Sevika taking the reader to get her wisdom teeth out? I’ve been seeing a lot of peoples videos on yt. Plus I would dieeeee to see sevika trying to take care of the reader drugged out. Love your stuff btw!!<3

Anesthesia HCs | Sevika

Modern sev bc i said so and it works better in my brain that way <3 also based a lot of things on when I woke up from anesthesia

wc: 426

≫ Before the whole procedure, she’d definitely try to calm your nerves a little bit. She’d play some of your favorite music in the car ride there and pretty much do anything to distract you from focusing on what was coming

≫ Same thing in the waiting room, holding your hand and simply keeping a fun lighthearted conversation, telling you to “focus on her” the entire time. 

≫ When you get called back, she’s coming back with you, no argument about it. Not that you would ever argue. She’s still holding your hand, just a little tighter this time as she can see you getting more nervous with each step you take. 

≫ Of course, she’s not allowed back with you to the OR, so in the time you’re away, she’s planning on how to help you feel better when you wake up. She tries not to show it but she’s a little worried too.

≫ Sevika definitely finds you absolutely hilarious when you finally do wake up, and she’s absolutely taking multiple videos and pictures too. She also finds it cute how your words slur a little and your sentences hardly make any sense when she can actually understand them. 

≫ However Sevika absolutely hates it whenever you start crying. She does her best to comfort you and stop the ever flowing tears but it doesn’t do much and she might get a little lost. Especially when you start crying about how you miss her, even though she’s right there holding your hand. 

≫ After you two leave she’s giving you anything you ask for. Cuddles? Done. A movie that she absolutely hates? She’s watching it anyway. A nap together? She’s carrying you to the bed before you can even finish asking. 

≫ Once you’re able to eat again, she’s making or buying everything you’re craving. It doesn’t matter to her if it’s something crazy, like ice cream for breakfast or pizza from down the street at 2am. She’s getting it for you. 

≫ And best believe she’s already stocked up on every pain med you’ll need. Something light or something strong, she bought everything already. She’ll even take a moment to gently massage your jaw if you mention it’s sore or stiff. 

≫ Absolutely won't let you out of her sight until you’re completely recovered. She just really loves taking care of you, and will absolutely go the extra mile when she gets the chance.

[luv-sie]

ANYWHERE BUT HOME

아무런 계획 없이 떠나고 싶은 밤.

↳“A night I want to leave without any plans.” — Seulgi.

Where he takes you on a spontaneous date! PT2..

⟨❮Isagi Yoichi, Barou Shouei and Chigiri Hyoma.❯⟩

Notes;; I'm going to post these in 3's, it sounds like I'm waffling on about god knows what ☹️ Wrote this at 2am too. N this is my new year gift to u guys!! Happy new years!! I hope I can interact more with y'all :')

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ISAGI YOICHI steals you from the warmth of your room and takes you away into the cold night. It's exciting, just where would he take you? Conversations in the car, the warmth blooming in your cheeks that spares you from the icy drink he bought you. Isagi Yoichi doesn't go out this late at night, atleast not often, it was a first, you had a feeling he wanted to make a change to his routine, a dent in his cycle that would surely bite him in the ass later, but he wouldn't regret the decision if it were you. Missing out on a day of practice wouldn't change anything according to him because ‘he's already at the top.’ And you won't chastise him for it, simply because you don't want your time with him to end. The car comes to a stop at a cliff and he throws his black jacket at you before pulling you out into the winter's chill.

BAROU SHOUEI huffs at your grumbling after making sure the helmet was tightly secured to your head and then takes off with you on his speedy motorcycle! A dangerous idea but with your arms wrapped around his sturdy frame you'd definitely be kept safe. His hair brushes against your face and you cannot complain or else he'd definitely kick you off. (He would never)

Barou doesn't like the idea of putting you in danger, he knows that a lot of things could go wrong in a situation like this so he picks the safest route, constantly checking if your arms are still around him and if there are any creeps (cops) tailing the both of you. He finds himself loosening up halfway to the destination so he decides to speed up much to your surprise and his dismay; his heart beating erratically and the warmth from your arms make it too much for him to handle along with the breeze, he finds himself addicted to this feeling and from now on he'd take you on rides more often.

CHIGIRI HYOMA is frustrated or perhaps sad, his hair keeps annoying him, the depth of his emotions grows and the fact that he was mistaken for a girl before makes him think he should just cut it, but you love his hair too much that it makes him steer his head away from the decision. Unable to keep it up with the way he ties it he asks you for help and you comply, tying his hair whilst being seated in a corner of a convenience store, an odd place to spot a popular football player. You purposely dragged him along, practice had been hard on him and he could feel a spike of pain shoot through his leg. You could tell that he was feeling quite conscious and his thoughts were haunting him on days like these, with an idea of distracting him you brought him here. Chigiri manages to brush his thoughts off and get lost in this situation; the feeling of him being taken care of like this made him feel better, he knows even if he were to tear his ACL again you would still take care of him, maybe even a little (lot) more.

©️luv-sie, do not plagiarize or repost!

[highliqhts]

🎬  just  announced,  rowan delaney has  been  cast  as rikki chadwick  in  the  upcoming  h2o: just add water  reboot.  the  twenty3  year  old  is  trending  as  people  are  debating  if  the  scouring the local thrift stores for the cutest knitted tops, giving their manager serious heart palpitations by going on instagram live rants about how big corporations are ruining the planet at 2am, being weirdly good at tiktok dance challenges, trying to cook for people despite being terrible at it and being completely unable to keep a phone screen protected without cracks   that  they  are  known  for  is  enough  to  make  them  as  good  as  original.  a  quick  google  search  shows  that  their  fans  call  them  free-spirited,  but  internet  trolls  think  they’re  more  brash.  i  guess  their  newest  interview  for  variety  where  they  talk  about  how they almost had an accident trying to swim with a mermaid’s tail as a child  will  let  people  to  know  them  better. 

hii, besties !! <33 i am daisy and genuinely so excited to be here ?? fair warning that it's been ... probably about a year since i last tumblr group rped, so i might be a bit rusty but this one brought me back from my retirement. this is rowan, who is a brand new muse of mine aka they're definitely still a work in progress but i'd absolutely love to plot with everyone and figure out all the missing pieces !! anyway, hope u enjoy, mwuah !

basics.

name:  rowan delaney.

nicknames:  ro.

gender:  demi woman

pronouns:  she/they.

age:  23.

date of birth:  january 23rd 2001.

astrological sign:  aquarius.

place of birth: brisbane, australia.

nationality: australian.

ethnicity: mauritian, italian.

occupation:  actress.

sexual & romantic orientation:  pansexual, panromantic.

character.

positive traits:  free-spirited, accepting, spontaneous, passionate, independent, loyal.

negative traits:  brash, aloof, stubborn, fickle.

likes:  the beach, having conversations about things that actually matter, finding that piece while thrifting, traveling, chai latte, pistacchios, surfing.

dislikes:  small talk, people who don't care about the environment / animals, authority figures, rules that don't make sense to her, fake niceties.

biography.

if there ever were two people who absolutely should be parents it's rowan's moms. their lovestory is one for the ages, as they had met in the australian wilderness, ciara an italian backpacking tourist and lauren the australian who saved her from some kind of poisonous snake ( or if you believe lauren a totally non-threatening, non-poisonous snake but she would only contest it if ciara isn't around ). what followed is neatly documented in the photo albums rowan grew up looking through, their mothers on their travels through the entire country, lauren having joined ciara for ' protection purposes '. one thing led to another and the two of them fell in love, something that was completely unthinkable, both with the distance and with ciara’s very catholic and conservative family back in italy. there were simply too many obstacles, it couldn’t work out, right ? with heavy hearts they said goodbye after almost an entire year spent constantly by each other’s sides. that is until, due to a sudden storm, ciara’s flight didn’t take off, leading them to have yet another conversation … after all, wasn’t this fate telling them not to part ? in the end ciara never left australia to go back to living in italy, instead taking the leap and staying in australia with the woman she excitedly calls the ‘ love of her life ‘ even to this day. 

rowan was the last puzzle piece to their perfect little family, in addition to the two dogs, one cat and the stray duck all living with them as well. nobody really knows how the duck ended up there. they do know how rowan did though, after years of careful consideration she was about the most wished for child you could possibly imagine. and so she grew up, surrounded by love and support. that being said, for a while it wasn’t easy for rowan to cope with the harsher realities of life outside their little house. while at the delaney’s family home it was alright to express yourself and your feelings however you wanted, the outside world was less accepting of that. therefore school wasn't easy for her during the first years. rowan was a bit of an outsider during those years, spending most of their free time at home with the pets and their mothers. it wasn’t until she grew up some more that she found friends who would accept her as she was. 

once those years came around however, her life was better than ever before. alongside their friends they spent a lot of time exploring the beaches and city around them. their mothers, being the free-spirited and encouraging women they were, mostly encouraged them in this, paying for their first surfing lessons right alongside the first acting classes. initially they had only signed up for those because a friend of theirs had. surprisingly enough though, rowan soon figured out that acting was something they were not only rather good at but also loved to do. though ciara would later say she never thought it to be all that surprising, with how much rowan had always loved listening to and sharing stories. especially during those younger, more lonely days, where it was mostly books keeping her company. the last years of high school were spent acting in local theater productions, having bonfires at the beach and surfing with their friends. 

life was good for rowan during those times as she started considering what to do after school. it was at the beginning of her last year in high school when she saw an open audition for neighbors and decided to simply shoot her shot. never in a million years did they think this would actually lead them anywhere,that was until they got callback after callback, eventually sitting down to do chemistry reads. they were seventeen, a month into their final year when they got the official offer. sitting down with their parents, they debated. how would she finish school, when filming would take place in melbourne ?  was it even feasible ? could she move there on her own ? in the end they found a solution that had her living with a friend of the family in melbourne during filming, studying with a tutor when she was there and still attending school whenever she was in brisbane. it was a stressful year and it’s safe to say their final grades were not much to be proud of but they did it, they graduated. afterwards she was lucky enough for her minor role to stay permanent, gaining some importance in the show’s plotline, leading to her being able to continue to stay on the crew and work in melbourne. 

they kept their very first television role on neigbors for about 3-4 years, before finally saying their goodbye to the australian soap. due to the relative prominence of the show in australian television, they had earned a decent level of exposure through it. in australia, this would have definitely lent itself to quickly gaining further job opportunities and she definitely debated this with her moms for quite some time. in the end it was them that pushed her to aim higher, to try her luck in the us and move to los angeles at 21. the move was probably the hardest thing ro has done to this day, leaving was tearful not only because they’d miss their family but also because they’d miss their home and they were fully aware they might just be leaving for nothing. for the past two years ro has mostly been getting very small appearances for an episode or three in multiple tv projects ( imagine patient on grey’s or a lost plotline in riverdale or smth, i’ll have to figure the exact projects out ). only recently did she get her first real breakthrough when she was cast as rikki in the reboot of h20: just add water, an australian classic ! they’re about to start filming season 1 and it’s safe to say that ro couldn’t be more excited, having been an avid viewer of the show as a kid.

tl;dr: basically she's born to two very loving lesbians whom i gave an unneccessarily sweet backstory. she grew up in australia, loves the oceans and animals and always had the loving support of her family. she started acting at 17 and moved to the us to further follow that career at 21. h2o is her first lead role.

headcanons.

rowan sometimes refers to the pets that were in the house while they grew up as if they were their siblings, which can be confusing to some people 

ro’s style is very much sort of boho inspired, she loves cute knitted pieces and wide flowy pants and dresses or jeans shorts as well as sporting the most pieced together yet somehow strangely working assortment of jewelry 

she has a decently active social media presence, which is mostly used for an unpredictable mixture of silly on set tiktok challenges or passionate calls for action, mostly for environmental protection 

they’re very much a beach and oceans enthusiast and they WILL shut you down for leaving any kind of trash on the beach but also for supporting environmentally damaging companies 

ro has a decent amount of houseplants at home and tries to keep them alive so desperately ?  but honestly, they’re really not a natural at it. 

she loves doing her nails herself, including cute and intricate nail designs 

when they were 19 and at a party they got a tiny tattoo of an octopus done on the left side of her hip

[anchoragecafe]

                  INTRODUCING EMMY!

hey, isn’t that emmalina ‘emmy’ de león ? i think that the twenty-two year old from anchorage, alaska works as a waitress at buttermilk sky pie diner, but outside of that people describe them as a contagious laughter, the warm and pleasant feeling of standing in the sunshine, getting a random burst of inspiration at 2am that you simply cannot ignore. i hear they are easily frightened & clumsy, but they are also known to be kindhearted & creative. consider giving them a visit at their home in kingpin trailer park and get to know why they’re called the calming presence.

current connections in play

connection ideas page

BASIC STATS⸻

full name:  emmalina de león

preferred nickname:  emmy

other nicknames:  em, emma

age:  22 years old

gender, pronouns:  nonbinary, they/she

sexuality:  bisexual

notable family members:  tbd

ABOUT THE CHARACTER⸻

triggers:  mentions of (unplanned) pregnancy, emotional abuse

›  emmy was born to the most stuck-up, jerkface parents imaginable and the fact that they were unplanned certainly didn’t help. growing up, they were always put down and made to think they ruined their parents’ plans of travelling the world and becoming famous by being born. it was a weight that no child should carry

›  when emotions ran high, emmy would lock themselves in their room and express themselves through drawing  &  writing poetry. creativity was a really big outlet for them growing up and it genuinely saved them

›  emmy wanted nothing more than to stick it to their parents and prove that they could make it. so when the chance came, they moved to the big city  (the closest one possible)  and went to university for art  . . .  unfortunately, things didn’t exactly go to plan and they ended up dropping out  &  moving back to anchorage

›  despite their dreams basically crashing and burning, emmalina is still a very cheerful person;  they’re definitely a glass half full-type of person. in their mind, they have bigger and better things to come because things at the university didn’t work.. right now, emmy isn’t entirely sure said bigger and better things are going to be but they’re most definitely looking forward to it!

›  present day, they’re living in their sweet little mobile home  (that they’ve decorated out the wazoo for the holidays)  alongside their good friend as a roommate. emmy has a white persian cat named nooboo. their primary work  &  source of income at the moment is at the diner, though emmy does still do art and poetry on the side. they typically set up around town and offer $5 headshot drawings to earn a little bit of extra cash

THEIR VIEWS⸻

›  emmy is literally terrified of the murder and the rumours of the hash-slinging slasher. like. they have nightmares about someone breaking in or following them home. in fact, they got so afraid that they asked a good friend of theirs to move in for a bit because they didn’t want to live alone

›  as far as the miroirs and missing people go, emmy is incredibly hyperaware. she’s read through every conspiracy, every opinion piece, every rumour about them. her fear of going missing is another reason she doesn’t want to live alone right now

›  emmy is super afraid of becoming ‘just another one of those missing persons’  &  she actually gave herself a curfew and tries not to go out past 10pm unless it’s with someone / people she trusts

[loserlvrss]

꒰ 𝐂𝐔𝐙 𝐈'𝐌 𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐃… 𝐃𝐔𝐇! ꒱ 오승민

summary : you were just bored, and now you’re on your knees

genre : mdni !! smut, seungmin x afab!reader, friends to ?? tws : language, smut, making out, slight-grinding/dry humping, oral (giving), dirty-talk, cum eating, pet names, dom!seungmin, no penetrative sex, degradation & indirect praise, spitting (once) author notes : whore house btw cuz why’d i write this at 2am word count : 2.1k

the smell of body wash coasted through the air, lingering within your senses. your best-guy friend had just gotten back from the gym, taken aback by you sitting against his front door. you’d expressed that it was because his apartment was between wherever you were and your own—however, you’d simply grown bored. he believed your excuse though, letting you in to wait for him as he showered. he told you to pick out a show you two could binge watch (a thing you were often tasked with doing when you’d come over), and he’d order you food. 

but, you were bored of that too…

nothing seemed desirable to you today. you tried baking in the morning. doing your makeup, and picking out outfits. you even watched dress to impress streams while your cookies were in the oven. and, you sat in the bath eating them all after that. but nothing satisfied your desire to do something. 

your feet swung (as best they could with the bottom of the couch), subconsciously trying to ease the feeling of restlessness. you were just itching for something exciting. maybe it didn’t even have to be crazy—just anything to get your breath to feel less heavy, and your heart to stop skipping beats.

you sighed, not even realizing that seungmin had exited the bathroom. 

“what’s wrong?” he asked. you didn’t turn, just furthered into the couch cushion and sighed louder, “nothing interesting to watch?” 

“nothing interesting, period.” you spoke up, “i’m so bored, seungmin!” 

he chuckled, “oh yeah?” you hummed, turning and giving him damn-near puppy dog eyes. he shook his head like he was in disbelief, arms crossing over his newly put on, black T-shirt. “do you want to go do something? maybe some shopping?” your lip jut out in response. “no? then what? do you want me to sing you a lullaby so your dramatic-ass can just go to sleep instead?” 

you huffed out an over-exaggerated breath, “nevermind.” 

“no,” he rejected your attempt at being bratty, “tell me what will make you less bored, y/n.” 

“make out with me?” 

“what—”

“let’s make out.” 

his jaw was practically on the floor, not that you could see it. he was shocked you’d say something like that, especially stone-cold sober. and, you couldn’t tell if you were being serious anymore either; boredom clouding your better judgment. but a proposition it was, and no one ever said it had to be a good one. 

“why would we do that?” 

“because i’m bored,” your hands flew to the side, smacking against the cushions, “duh!” 

“y/n,” his tone was serious, sending goosebumps over your skin. you turned around hesitantly, fighting a dry throat. “are you serious?” 

your lip found its way between your teeth, fingers doing the same to each other (though it was blocked to him). but, you were sure he could still see how nervous he was making you.

mustering up enough courage, you replied, “maybe?” as he got closer. you gulped, was he serious now? you couldn’t tell. but you were definitely on the right track to finding out. 

who were you kidding? of course part of you wasn’t coming up with bad ideas, just spontaneous. he was oh fucking seungmin, and you weren’t blind. he’d always been plastered on the back of your brain. he was stupidly-pretty, sweet, and musically inclined? if anything, he was exactly your type. 

“yes or no, y/n. no maybe’s” 

and then he was right in front of you. 

"are you really such a whore that just because you're bored you want dick? is that the only cure your brain could think of? fuck a friend?" 

you gulped again as he leaned close to your face, hands above your shoulder on the cushion behind you. the vulgarity turned you on to no end. you’d never heard him say such words to you, but you liked it? if you were standing up your knees would have definitely buckled. 

"yes?"

he laughed breathily, "is that a question or an answer, princess?" the nickname set every hair, mole and fiber of your body on fire. he’s never called you anything other than your name, and this insinuated so much more. 

“an answer.” 

“good.”

he was quick to attach his lips to yours after that—almost as if they’ve already been his to kiss. but you’ve never swapped saliva with seungmin in all the drunk, lonesome or crazy nights you’ve had as friends; ‘cause that’s all you’ve ever been to each other. friends. 

and do friends agree to kiss out of boredom? 

your heart greedily fluttered now that it was finally getting what it wanted—something fun. something interesting. something not boring. 

“get up.” and as if possessed, you did as you were told, getting to your feet. you wobbled, only to be steadied by your best—friend? you didn’t know what to call him anymore, but it didn’t seem to bother him much. maybe he had everything under control. maybe you were just overthinking. maybe nothing would change after this.

he broke you from your apprehension, “sit on my lap, y/n.” already taking the spot where you once resided.  

your lip found a place between your teeth, and you bit hard enough to ground your running mind. 

“okay.” you whispered, barely above a breath, and climbed onto his lap. his hands were on your hips to help you, sliding down to your spread thighs once comfortable, rubbing circles with his thumbs.

just as you were about to lean in again, he sensed the unease, shifting up your body to your face with gentle hands, “is this not what you wanted, baby? we can stop and i’ll forget all about it.” he followed your eyes with his as you shied away, at the nickname mostly, but also the guy you’ve always known. the one that cares about your wellbeing and would never want you to feel uncomfortable. 

if there was anyone you were going to spontaneously do this with at the moment, it would be him. and there’s no one else in your mind that you’d rather have fill the role.

“it is,” you touched the top of one of his hands, half-nuzzling into him, “i wanted to do this.” 

he raised an eyebrow, “are you still bored?”

“only a little.” 

when he kissed you again, it turned slightly heated quicker than the first time. more intense and mind-numbing. you hated how affected one kiss could make you, especially because it was usually never like that. but, one right push of your hips (as if calculated), and you moaned, his tongue finding passage into your mouth. he continued to drag you against him, earning groan after whine after moan from your throat. you could feel him under you, pressing through his sweats and into your core. 

you needed him inside you one way or another—but you feared that you wouldn’t go all the way with him. at least, not right now. 

his lips were tinted red when you pulled off, an almost-audible pop resonating. you now just noticed that his hands were ghosting under your shirt, rubbing up and down your waist occasionally. however, he didn’t move to take it off, just looked curiously at you. 

he broke off your side, and brought your palm up to his lips. he kissed it, asking between pecs, “what’s up? are you done?” 

“fuck my mouth.” his movements stopped all together, and he was visually taken aback. “let me suck you off, please?” 

“you’re driving me fucking crazy, y/n.” he groaned, dropping your hand, “on the floor, angel.” 

you’d never dropped to your knees quicker, and that almost made him chuckle. his hands ran through your hair as you looked up at him, until he balled his fist at the base of your skull and pulled. your head was forced back, mouth opening in the process out of pure shock. he leaned over you and spit onto your tongue. you couldn’t help but mix a whimper with a moan. 

“are you still bored, brat?” 

the contradiction between his momentarily soft touches to his harsh words was giving you whiplash. but the pooling between your legs told a crystal clear story.

you freed him from his sweatpants without looking, pulling them about halfway down his thighs—too love-drunk to go any further with them and waste time. 

“such an eager slut, aren’t you?” once he was in your hand, you realized what was really happening. “what made you bored enough to do this anyways?” 

feelings. pooling in the bottom of your stomach and flooding your heart. they must’ve been buried under the years spent together, but the vulnerability was bringing them out. 

you kitten licked and kissed his tip, testing the waters. he was bigger than you’d ever had with a guy, and that made you slightly scared to take him. nonetheless it was oddly pretty for a dick—fitting. everything about seungmin was pretty. 

“fuck,” he hissed, hand going back to rest in your hair. however, he didn’t push or pull, letting you play with him to your content. if you didn’t know any better, it was hearts that shot at you through his gaze; but you’d have to meet it to know, wouldn’t you? “such a…” he trailed off into a deep sigh when you finally took him into your mouth. he didn’t fit very far while you were at that angle, so you repositioned, pushing him further down to the back of your throat. 

the stretch was terrible, the gagging worse, and you knew your jaw would be aching for days—but, you didn’t care. the sight of his head thrown back, adam’s apple on full display was enough to fuel your fire. and his little moans and whines, an explosion. 

your eyes stung from the involuntary tears, but you kept them open, saliva running down your chin. your hand stroked him when you came up for air, focusing on the part you knew drove most men crazy. 

“is it okay?” 

“are you?” you nodded and he huffed, barely able to keep your gaze, head fighting with lolling back. “if i knew you were this good, i would’ve crossed the line a long time ago, baby.” 

“cross it now,” you replied, “keep going.” 

he groaned in response, taking your cheeks with his palms and pressing, “pinch me or something if it’s too much, okay?” 

“okay, min” you confirmed, giving him an experimental pinch that eased the tension just a bit. he guided you down his length, shifting against the couch. 

and then he started up a steady rhythm, giving you only a few seconds to adjust—though you’d just had him in your mouth. the stretch didn’t get any better, but the sounds he made did. 

“so good.” he moaned, “god. you’re too good to me, baby. fuck, you should get bored more often.” you grasped his thighs, nails digging into the flesh, trying your best to stay grounded and coherent amongst all the haze. 

your stomach was turning, and legs were pressing in an attempt at friction. your skin was on fire, and you tried to keep your eyes open the best you could. but, your mind was numb, and your heart was singing a tune written for only him. 

then you felt a twitch, and suddenly you were more determined than ever (not that you’d ever had the opportunity before) to make him finish. 

you took over, and he let you. hands entangling with the ones clawed into his muscular legs. 

“babe, fuck, i’m—pull off, please,“ he grasped your head to detach you, but you grabbed back, holding his wrist. “c-can’t hol—oh fuck, you want it, princess?“

your eyes met again, intensity following. no way in hell you were about to obey that instruction, not after all the hard work you’d just put in to make him feel like he was floating on cloud-9. 

you moaned, vibrations making him do the same in response. “fucking take it then, angel.” 

you planned to, and you did, swallowing every last drop he offered you. but not before you displayed the mess he’d made to him—just as a reminder. 

“you’ll be the death of me.” he mumbled when you closed your mouth, reopening it to reveal your clean tongue. “don’t do that,” he was coming down as you kissed his exposed thighs and v-line hard enough to leave a mark. maybe he’d fuck another girl and she’d see what his best friend had done; why’d that turn you on a little bit more? “you’ll make me want to make you mine, baby.” 

“maybe you should then, seungmin.” 

“are you still bored?” 

you smiled innocently, “very.” 

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u! 

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[thebaepatricia]

I Thought Training Was The Goal. As It Turns Out, It Is Simply The Gateway To Bigger, Better Things

When I discovered weights lifting, I wanted to do more of it for fun. Then I did it for aesthetics. Then "expectation," because it's what I'm supposed to do. Now I'm doing it for performance and discipline.

I thought training would give me benefits just in itself alone.

But as it turns out, the discipline I gain from training cascades to other areas of my life. Slowly, it's helping me make conscious healthier choices even when I'm the only one who knows them.

I avoid using my phone at a certain hour at night even when it's tempting

I require proper lighting when working or reading because I don't want to make my eyesight worse

I listen to my body whether I need a bit more rest or I need to move more

I own up to my choices and take responsibility, so I can a) stop beating myself up and/or b) blaming others

At times, I don't recognize myself. Younger Patricia would have chosen to sleep at 2am, feeding her anxieties. She would have been emotionally sensitive, avoiding as many responsibilities and abusing "mental health" as an excuse to be lazy.

I can't say I'm no longer those people completely, but I'm definitely veering away from them.

In most cases, when we talk about progress, we often think of "moving forward." People hardly talk about the progress in simply not going backwards.

Not picking up another bottle of beer

Saying no

Ignoring the thought instead of giving in to impulses

Drinking, but not drunk texting your ex

Eating half a donut instead of half a box

We overvalue constant movement that we overlook the power of pause.

Inertia is also good; you don't always have to be in motion.

Inertia helps you regain balance and control, so you can start your engine, drive forward slowly and gain momentum until you can pick up speed. By knowing what not to do, you have better knowledge of what you should do.

Drive slower when you see a bump on the road. Look both ways, sideways, and all other ways. Don't hit pedestrians and pretend to be a GTA character. Most importantly, drive with caution; not with ego.

When you do all this, your passengers are safe and sound, you get to your destination properly, and your car is unscathed. Everybody's happy. Do it otherwise and you get the opposite results.

The same logic applies to training. And to life, in general.

If I'm going to be blunt, turning 30 was a pivotal moment for me. Had I not turned 30, I wouldn't think to slowly change my habits and live better, healthier.

Learning what I know now, would I do it all over again and start early? I'm not sure.

Sure, I could have started lifting at 15, stayed in my corporate job, not left my first serious boyfriend. All those things would have been possible in an alternate universe, but the lessons wouldn't have been as impactful.

I had to turn 30 to learn my lessons.

I had to wait for 30. It had to take that long. There was no other way. The lessons were being planted, but the changes didn't happen 15 years ago. Not even 5 years ago. They started happening 2.5 months ago, when I turned 30.

A small part of me feels sad that all those decades had to be spent making mistakes. But a bigger part of me is grateful that I know the lessons now and that I have the conscious freewill to make the next 30 years of my life better, happier, and healthier.

The biggest lesson I'm learning through all this to not put a period on things. As long as you're alive, you can keep learning, improving, and growing. Because there's more to life than fear, worries, and uncertainties.

There's hope, courage, perseverance, and success.

Life can still be beautiful. Embrace it while you can.

_____

[whoaffle]

Hancock and Nick Valentine headcanons...

Got sucked into the Fallout 4 vortex, so here are some headcanons for non-feral ghouls and 2.5 gen synths, specifically Hancock and Nick!

Hancock will sometimes crave raw meat: Feral ghouls like to prey on humans and other animals to feed on fresh meat, and that urge manifests to some extent on non-ferals as well: they feel a strong desire for raw red meat sometimes (although it doesn’t have to be fresh and definitely not human). Imagine finding Hancock eating little strips of raw Brahmin meat at 2am.

Hancock has night-vision*: Well, maybe not full night-vision, but certainly better than a human’s! He still cannot see in pitch black rooms or anything, but he will see much more clearly in the woods at night than a human would. Applies to all ghouls, in fact.

Nick has the sense of touch on his metal parts: I suppose it would be rather hard for him to interact with objects with his metal hand if his sense of touch was limited to skin-covered parts, so I headcanon his uncovered metal parts would also experience tactile sensations somehow. So if you hold his tiny metal hand, he will feel it!

Hancock is much faster than a human: Feral ghouls will just sprint at you at unimaginable speeds, besides moving their limbs pretty fast and dodging attacks very efficiently, so I can’t help but imagine non-ferals would also have this enhanced speed, both in terms of reflexes and movement speed. Hancock may not show, because of how chill he is most of the time, but he could move really fast if he wanted to, besides being so damn good at dodgeball!

Nick is pretty stronger than a human*: Probably due to having a metal skeleton? That man is stronger than he looks! He can easily carry another person in his shoulders, even if it’s an adult man. Not gonna say he could carry you in your power armor, because he wouldn’t be able to hold it firmly enough and with enough balance to do so, but a smaller object with the same weight would be OK to lift for him!

Hancock has relatively bad hearing: Actually all ghouls do. My take is that ghoulification increases your senses of sight and smell, but your hearing will deteriorate, after all, you do lose your external ear cartilage. If you say something to Hancock and he goes “huh?”, don’t worry! It’s not because he’s stoned, he simply didn’t hear you. (He is also stoned, of course, but that’s not the point).

Nick doesn’t have a heartbeat, but a purr: Instead of a beating heart, Nick has a motor and a coolant pump, so if you lean your head on his chest you won’t hear that “tu-dum, tu-dum...” sound, but instead, a constant low-pitched vibration, very similar to a cat’s purr! Yes, you read that right: detective Nick Valentine from Fallout 4 purrs like a kitty. :)

Although Nick doesn’t require sleep, food or water, he can sleep, eat and drink: This is actually supported by the fact that Nick has animations eating noodles, drinking from a cup while idle and has a bed in his office (there are two beds at the agency, one is Ellie’s and the other has gotta be his own). Falling asleep, for Nick, is similar to entering a hibernation period for a computer. Also, his eyes may remain open, but won’t glow in yellow like when he’s awake. When he wakes up, his eyes will slowly light up and his motor will start making a louder noise.

Hancock has suicidal tendencies: Actually supported by the bug(?) that if you leave Hancock alone in a settlement, he may die randomly upon your arrival to said settlement, saying “one... last... trip...” right before falling down dead on the floor. I interpret that as Hancock committing suicide via overdose if unattended for too long. Other things that support this headcanon for me are: his past history of drug abuse when in difficult moments of life, his choice to ghoulify himself as a destructive response to self-hatred and the fact that in my game at least he asks to get back traveling together every time I walk near him - much more frequently than my other companions.

Nick may overheat if he can’t cool down properly: Just like any machine, if Nick’s coolant system is malfunctioning, or if he’s working harder than his coolant system can handle cooling down, he will overheat. Besides becoming hot to the touch, this may also result on: 1- trouble processing thoughts and speech, 2- delay in movements and responses, 3- headache, 4- eventual shutdown (passing out).

The only reason Nick still remembers Jennifer Lands’ death and human Nick’s rivalry with Eddie Winters is trauma: We know from the holotapes that human Nick was traumatized and went after treatment for his trauma, resulting on the brain scan that was later on loaded into synth Nick’s body. So we may as well deduce that the scan was of Nick’s brain before healing from trauma. We also know from the Far Harbor DLC that Nick’s memory cannot keep long-term information, which is why he forgot his interactions with DiMA from over 100 years before. If he can’t remember 100 year old memories, he shouldn’t remember anything from human Nick’s life... The reason he does is because it’s a literal trauma, so it’s imprinted on him even after everything else has been forgotten and even thought Nick’s sense of self and identity is no longer tied to human Nick and his experiences. He has flashbacks and nightmares about these memories.

Hancock loves cuddling more than he loves his own life: Maybe not more than he loves drugs, though. But really, he loves cuddling so so so much! This is partially inspired by how romantic he is. I’d say he’s one of the most romantic companions I’ve dated, he says really sweet things when you sleep with him and when you ask him about his thoughts or your relationship... So I thought it suited him to be very fond of physical contact, specially cuddling!

I guess this is what I have for now!

I love Nick and I love Hancock so fucking much! I guess I love Hancock even MORE than Nick, which is impressive considering how much I love Nick! ^^ Anyway, hope you guys liked these?

*contradict lore suggested by game quotes / mechanics.

[musicallisto]

Hello darling, can I just add my two cents to this post, please? :)

I think the other anon might have missed the main point of the post you have previously shared. Or maybe I'm simply misinterpreting the post. Could be both or neither. Either way, I guess it's not about whether you enjoyed it or not, rather that a key-smash, a constructive criticism or even having a go at a writer is better than a like. Obviously, if you didn't like something, you will not want to leave any sort of reaction, and that's perfectly fine, however, if you feel like a constructive criticism is worth the story then please do take your time to leave one. And if you enjoyed it, please reblog and leave a little note, it could be an emoji, a gif, a key-smash, anything that somehow conveys that you enjoyed the post. You can even reblog the post without a comment. Simply, if you enjoyed it, share it with others. Authors prefer a reblog over a like, because a like is pretty much a bookmark. It does nothing. A reblog helps share your content with other people, a comment makes an author happy or think about what they could improve on, but a like is basically invisible. In a way it's nice to receive a like, but frankly, it doesn't say anything because you might have used it simply to save the post and read later. So the main point is, if you enjoyed something, please reblog. With or without a comment, at this point it doesn't even matter, but please share it.

On a side note, I've been here on Tumblr for a while writing stories after stories. Until I didn't anymore. People keep saying that you have to write because you love it, because you enjoy it. And for a while I did. And, of course, I can't blame it on others, nor do I want to, but it is true that the lack of interaction is incredibly demotivating. I want to write but I can't because part of me is like "for what?" and unfortunately it doesn't matter what I do, it doesn't matter how much I love writing, I simply can't even write anything anymore because that simple "for what?" overrides the "because you enjoy it" part of the writing process. So, if we are being real here, those reblogs are worth everything! Because, sadly, seeing my posts have 1k-2k notes on them only to have 50 reblogs at best is the definition of demotivation. Because, frankly, it makes me think that the other 1k+ people might have liked my fic but not enough to share it, and if they didn't like it enough to share it then it wasn't a good story, and if it wasn't a good story then, frankly, maybe I shouldn't write anymore. Intrusive thoughts are the worst and, of course, noone is responsible for what is in other people's head, so in no way am I blaming people here, I'm simply explaining what the lack of interaction could make an author think and could possibly lead to authors leaving or at last not writing anymore. We've seen it happen over and over again.

I'm sorry for the long ask, I hope I made sense, it's 2am and my brain doesn't function. Anyway, of course, you don't have to share it, I just thought I'd give my little opinion on the subject :)

Have a lovely evening/day :)

!!!!!

[finelinevogue]

Hi! Hope you’re good! Could you please write a blurb where Harry and Y/N are high-school lovers, it’s up to you what exactly. Thank you❤️

sorry this is written so late!! i love the high-school lovers concept eeekk! this is going to be harry and y/n laying in bed having 3am conversations about nothing and everything, so enjoy:

You’d never felt more at peace.

Laying in the darkness of your bedroom, with the soft music of The Neighbourhood playing in the background and Harry cuddled up beside you, you’d just never felt so calm and loved.

Life was so chaotic and messy at the moment, what with deciding whether you wanted to go to college or not which determined whether you could get into university or not. So many big choices were having to be made at such a young age and all you wished for was the world to stop and simply pause, wait for you to breathe again, before returning its spin. Every day rushed past you so fast it was hard to remember whether it was even a new day or not. That’s why you’d asked Harry to come over tonight; because with Harry, time stopped.

He was currently laying next to you on your bed, one arm behind his head and the other wrapping itself around your body. You were half laying on top of him, with your leg pushed between the both of his, making you feel like one person. His breathing was shallow and you knew he was close to sleep, but you also knew he wouldn’t fall asleep before you did - just out of habit. His fingers danced on your bare shoulder, where your tank top exposed the skin, as you let yours trace patterns on his toned chest.

“Harry?” You asked very quietly, seeing as your parents were only in the next room over sleeping. They trusted and liked Harry enough for him to stay over, which you greatly appreciated.

“Yes baby?”

“When you lay alone in bed at night, what do you think about?

“You. Even if i’m in bed with you too.” You chuckled at his response, your cheek smushing into his chest more as your lips curled.

“Don’t be silly, answer properly.”

“Like in detail? Okay,” he didn’t let you but in before continuing, “I think about your smile and how much it makes me happy. I think about your kind heart and how i’m so honoured to share half of it with you. I think about all the things I want to adventure with you. Oh, and I also think about your pus—”

“Shut up!” You were quick to move your hand up to his mouth, trapping the words before they could be spoken aloud, until he licked your hand and you moved it away in pretend disgust.

“What?” He asked cheekily.

“My parents are next door, y’dork.”

“And? I’ve done more than just speak about your pussy in this room. Need a reminder as to what?” He teased, but you knew you were both too tired to do anything physical this evening - or rather this morning - other than talk. It was 2am and neither of you were ready to go to sleep, to deep in thoughts of each other to want to miss a moment with one another. You gave him a jab to his side, which tickled more than hurt him and then the room went silent for a minute.

In the silence you thought about how lucky you were to have someone like Harry beside you. He was your lucky charm and most favourite person in the world. He cared for you more than anyone and you liked to think you treated him the same way.

You two were the high-school couple that everyone dreamt of being. You hadn’t liked him to begin with, knowing that he’d gotten a reputation for being a bit of a dickhead when it came to girls, but he was quick to show you all of that was bullshit and he was actually a good man - or at least he wanted to be for you. You were both looked up by other couples in the school, to the point where some guys would come up to Harry and ask for advice on how to win a girl over or would come up to you asking what the best way to make it to a third date was. You loved being loved by Harry and people obviously sensed that too.

“What would we adventure?” You asked, referring back to something Harry previously said and he was too in-tune with you to not understand what you were on about.

“What would you want us to adventure?” He returned with a question, still caressing small patterns into your bare skin. His touch was electric and you’d never feel as alive as you did with him.

“I want to go apple-picking at the Smithdown Orchard.”

“Okay baby, that’s a start. Think bigger, though.”

“Um, the moon then!” You exaggerated, but did imagine how cool that would be for a split second.

“If you want to go to the moon, baby, i’ll take you there.” Your heart swooned at his words, making you plant a sideways kiss to his chest - right over his heart. You heard the sound of his chest beat a little faster to the touch of your lips and you smiled because of it. “Anywhere else? Maybe somewhere with more gravity?”

You laughed, before thinking to yourself. “I’ve always wanted to go to Paris. Like, the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre entice me. Imagine having a picnic filled with fresh strawberries and warm baguettes, underneath the Eiffel Tower at night, Harry. Doesn’t it sound perfect?” You contently sighed, dreaming of a life you knew was too far from reach. It was too unrealistic.

“If I get to be with you, then yes, it’s perfect.” He replied and you closed your eyes at the warmth of his comforting words.

“I love being in love with you, Harry.” You spoke quieter than you had before, like it was a secret that you only wanted him to hear. A secret he could keep locked in heart forever if he wanted - if he’d have you.

“C’mere.” He spoke softly, motioning for you to sit up so that you could see him better. You turned yourself and propped your head up on his chest, holding yourself up by your hands. He stroked some fallen hair back out of the way of your face and looked at you so intensely, you thought you’d melt away.

“What?”

“Just wanted to look at my girl.”

“Why? You see me almost every day.” You laughed, but your heart bled over his soft words. He said ‘my girl’ like you were entirely his, and that was perfectly okay with you.

“It’s never enough. You are a vision, Y/N.” He palmed his hand over your cheek and you melted into it, loving the feeling of his warm hand against your colder, softer, cheek.

“You’re pretty cute too, you know?” He laughed and blushed at your attempt of a loving comeback, making your head shake as his chest rose up and down.

“Am I now? Cute enough for a kiss off my favourite girl?”

“Oh, always.”

And your lips sealed together, not for the first time and definitely not for the last.

[gaybarbiegirl]

10, 30 and 36 with jadangie please <33

10. Describe their first date.

I think their first date would end up happening as a sort of accident. Jade would come by the Studio one day to surprise Gregorio and go out to lunch with him, but then when she gets there she just can't find him no matter how hard she looks, until she bumps into Angie who's like 'did you forget he's at the art rebel now?', because to Jade Gregorio is just so associated with her time in the Studio you know? And of course she gets all sad when she realises she won't get to see him, so Angie offers to have lunch with her instead and I mean, Jade is still a bit disappointed she won't get to see her friend but it's better than eating alone. But then in the end the whole thing ends up being way and I mean WAY more fun than either of them expected, they have the best time with each other and laugh so so much, and it sort of leaves both of them wanting more. So after that Jade just keeps coming back to the Studio over and over again to get to see Angie, and the rest is history.

30. Your OTP gets to pick out each other's outfits; what is each wearing?

Ok, Jade is an easy one, she'd dress Angie up in all of the best, prettiest, most fashionable designer pieces she can find. But I don't think she'd just do it carelessly, I think she'd try to keep Angie's style in mind and come up with something she'd genuinely like, with bright colors and floral prints and soft comfortable fabrics, and most of all something that looks FUN as well as fashionable, that she knows Angie is gonna have fun wearing (and maybe that could even get her to want to go on more shopping trips with her?? You never know)

With Angie this gets a little harder because I mean, I don't really think there are any specific outfits she'd like to see Jade wearing, I don't think it's something she really thinks about or has strong preferences on. To me she just doesn't really care about what Jade wears, just about how her outfits make her feel, like when she dresses up for a date what Angie is looking at is mostly how happy Jade looks in her dress and not how the dress actually looks on her, you know? So, I think her course of action here would be to get Jade one of her dream dresses, like one of her all time favorites by her favorite designer, so she can just sit there and stare at Jade with the biggest heart eyes as she gets all excited and does 100000 poses in front of the mirror.

Coincidentally, they'll also get to be the hottest most stylish couple in Argentina for a day, as they deserve <3

36. Who's more likely to fire up the stove at 2am because the other woke up in the middle of the night hungry?

At first I was tempted to say Angie just because I don't really see her as someone who wakes up hungry in the middle of the night, like to me she strikes me as a heavy sleeper. She might have some trouble getting to it sometimes, but once she's asleep she's out cold until someone (agressively) wakes her up or a very loud alarm rings. And I can actually see Jade just full on shaking Angie awake in the middle of the night and she wakes up all alarmed like 'WHAT IS IT WHAT HAPPENED' and Jade's just like 'I'm hungry :D', BUT. BUT!!! There is one very big hurdle getting in the way of this scenario: Angie simply does Not know how to cook, like not at all not if her life depended on it, she'd be a disaster in the kitchen. And at first you might think Jade would be the same, but really she did great at that chinese restaurant she started working in during s2, so I do think cooking is a skill she has, even if she didn't get to do it a lot throughout her life.

So, what I think would happen is that Jade would wake Angie up to make her food 1 (one) time in their entire relationship, and it would most definitely end with the two of them putting out a small fire in the kitchen and eating rock hard cookies covered by a layer of charcoal, so from then on every time Jade wakes up hungry in the middle of the night she just goes downstairs and cooks herself a whole ass restaurant worthy buffet, and instead of waking Angie up like 'I'm hungry :D' she'd wake her up like 'I made food :D', and they'd have a very nice 2am three course meal.

Thank you so much for the ask!!

[hockeylvr59]

Collide Part 2 || Sidney Crosby

Summary: Life as a single foster mom and a pediatrician didn’t leave much time for dating. But when Dr. Erin Lancaster becomes the pediatrician for Pittsburgh Penguins Defenseman Brian Dumoulin's baby boy, her association and quick friendship with his wife Kayla turns her crazy but quiet life upside down. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: Apparently my brain is just on a Sid kick lately. First a blurb update, now this one. Let me know what you think. 

Warnings: alcohol consumption        Word Count: 2,001

~~~~~

The weeks leading up to the holiday season were usually some of the best as a foster mom. The kids that I called my own, even temporarily, generally didn’t have a great experience with family holidays in the past and it was always exciting to teach them the magic of the season. The joy of watching the Macy’s parade and then football before having a big meal, going looking at Christmas lights, and everything else that filled the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

This year though, this year was tough. A few weeks ago, just days after my trip to the hospital, the seven year old I was fostering was moved to another placement. More biological siblings had popped up in the system and taking them would have placed me over my permitted limit. So instead, the rambunctious boy I was finally starting to make strides with was moved so that he could be with siblings he had never met, all because of the preference of keeping siblings together. A week later, my five year old was transferred back into the care of his mother who had successfully completed a rehabilitation program. I wasn’t sure the woman could be trusted but the court had decided she was fit enough to regain custody and there was nothing I could do about it. 

Finally, yesterday, my newborn had been deemed stable enough to be placed with a paternal grandmother now that he was completely off the drugs. I had done my limited job of making sure that he got elevated care and now he was in the placement I knew he’d end up in all along. 

It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and for the first time in a long time I didn’t have any kids under my roof. Honestly, I couldn’t remember the last time I didn’t have any kids placed with me, it had been that long. Yesterday, it had been easy enough to ignore, I went into the office to catch up on paperwork, I picked up dry cleaning and went grocery shopping before drinking half a bottle of wine and falling into bed exhausted. 

Today though, things were quiet and now that the world had stilled around me, my normally thick exterior cracked and I found myself sobbing steadily. I loved being a foster mom, I really did, but it was heartbreaking to know that these kids would never be mine for one reason or another. That while most days my house was full of laughter and as much love as these kids could manage, days like today would always be waiting at the end of it all. 

While drowning my sorrows with a pint of ice cream I definitely didn’t need to be eating at 11am, my phone buzzed beside me with a message from Kayla Dumoulin. She had texted more than once over the past few weeks with worries such as whether Brayden’s cord was healing normally and whether she could cut his nails because he didn’t like the mittens but she didn’t want him to cut himself. Through our text conversations she had learned of my rapidly emptying house and her message this morning was just to check in and see how I was doing. 

She was such a sweetheart and I replied with a shrug emoji declaring that if sobbing over a pint of ice cream at 11am was normal then I was doing just fine. The phone rang a moment later and I sighed seeing her name pop up because the message wasn’t intended to make her feel guilty or anything, it was just genuine honesty. Still, I answered the phone, setting the pint of ice cream aside for a moment. 

“It sounds like you need some baby cuddles.” Kayla stated, the sound of soft chatter coming through the line. “Why don’t you come over. Brayden wouldn’t mind seeing his favorite doctor.” She suggested. 

“That’s sweet but I’ll be okay.” I assured her. “I don’t want to impose. I’m sure I can find something to do.” 

“You’re not imposing.” Kayla insisted. “Me texting you at 2am with a breastfeeding question was imposing.” Her voice was teasing and I sighed softly remembering being up with my own newborn when she had a question about hers since Brian was on the road. 

“Seriously.” She continued. “Come over, snuggle Brayden, and give my husband a second opinion on this bottle of wine he just got since I can’t drink.” She suggested. Sensing that she truly meant it, I sighed and agreed reluctantly telling her to send me the address. 

____

45 minutes later, I had cleaned myself up so it didn’t look like I had spent the last few hours sobbing. After putting on some light makeup, I had thrown on some black jeans, a striped long sleeve tee, and a tan pullover before deeming myself decent enough to head out. 

Plugging the address in my phone’s gps, I drove over to Kayla and Brian’s neighborhood, parking down on the street in front of their house. It didn’t even register that there were approximately a half dozen cars spread between the driveway and the street already as I made my way up to the front door. 

Kayla greeted me after just a minute and I gently teased that if I didn’t know better I wouldn’t believe she just had a baby as she let me inside. That made her smile, and as she guided me to the kitchen for a glass of wine I realized that there was a significant amount of noise coming from the living room. It wasn’t until she was murmuring for me to make myself comfortable that I realized the living room was occupied by almost a dozen Penguins players, football pregame on tv. 

“Alright Muzz, you can give my baby back now.” Kayla declared half-joking, half-serious. As soon as the goalie handed the baby over, Kayla was crossing the room back to me and handing off the little boy who just snuggled into my chest as soon as he was placed there. “There...baby snuggles.” She murmured. 

“Thanks.” I whispered, resting a hand over the infant’s back before taking a sip of wine feeling slightly uncomfortable as eyes slowly landed on me. 

“Hey doc.” Brian greeted appearing from somewhere else in the house. “Let me know what you think of that wine, not sure if this brand is a keeper or not.” He stated simply portraying the feeling that I wasn’t at all anywhere I didn’t belong and that this was a normal occurrence. Nodding I promised to do so before just focusing back on the baby in my arms. The physician portion of my brain noted that he was doing well and had certainly been growing while the rest of me just found myself relaxing at the feeling of a baby’s steady breaths. 

Most of the guys paid me no mind as the game started. Yet I felt one pair of eyes linger. As I stepped outside after handing Brayden off to feed just before halftime, a four legged companion joined me and I chuckled petting the Dumoulin’s dog Roo while sitting on the steps of their patio nursing my second glass of wine. 

The patio door slid open and then shut before a body slid down next to me on the steps. 

“So where are your foster kids?” A familiar voice asked and glancing over my eyes met those of the Penguins Captain. 

“With another foster family, with their mother, and with their paternal grandmother.” I whispered, quickly taking another sip of the wine to try and push back another round of tears. “The sucky thing about being a foster mom is they always go away in the end.” 

“I...I didn’t know.” Sid mumbled after a moment and I waved him off petting Roo and wiping at my eye with the back of my hand. 

“I didn’t expect you to.” I stated simply. 

“So that’s why…” Sid trailed off, stopping when I nodded. 

“Baby cuddles to try and make everything better.” I shrugged. “To fill the three new cracks in my heart. It’s been a long time since I was childless.” I whispered. “I’ve been trying to recall when it was and I honestly can’t remember. I feel like it had to have happened at least a few times but I really can’t recall not having anyone since I became a foster mom in the first place.” 

“How long is that?” Sid asked, tone softer now than it had been that day at the hospital. 

“Two...almost three years. I applied to become a foster parent toward the end of my residency.” 

“Can I ask how many?” Sid questioned. 

“36.” 

“In three years? That’s...wow.” Glancing over I could see the genuine shock on his face. 

“I don’t know what the turnover rate is generally but I’m fairly certain my rate is higher than average. I get a lot of the drug addicted babies because of my skills and they’re generally only with me 2-3 weeks until it’s safe to move them into a more permanent placement, often with other family members.” 

“How do you handle that?” He murmured, reaching down to pet Roo as well who had rolled over onto her back for belly rubs. 

“Usually I just focus on my patients, on the kids that I do still have with me because they deserve all of my love and attention. This time? Crying over Ben and Jerry’s at 11am until Kayla insisted I come over.” A smile cracked Sid’s face and he apologized quickly declaring that this isn’t something to smile about. 

“No it’s okay. You can find it amusing, I know it wasn’t the most healthy coping method.” 

“Are you going to be okay?” He inquires softly. 

“Yeah. Well, I should probably lay off the wine. Dumo has really good taste.” Sid’s eyes crinkled a little bit and he looked at me like be serious. “I will be. I mean it’s only a matter of time before I get the call that another child needs me.” I assured him. “I just...sometimes...days like this...they make me wonder whether I still want to do this, you know…” 

“Go on…” Sid urged. 

“I just...it’s so hard. Never knowing whether I’m going to wake up and have to say goodbye again. Constantly giving away pieces of my heart that I’ll never get back. Days like today make me just want to be a mom. Not a foster mom but a mom. To have my own kids who won’t be there one day and gone the next.” 

“I get that feeling.” Sid murmured after a moment. “Not the ‘here one day gone the next’ part, but uh, wanting your own kids part, that I get.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke before dropping his hand back down to pet Roo, his fingers brushing against mine. Immediately my mind flashed back to the feeling of his hand wrapped around mine and I quickly pushed that aside. 

“There you are!” Kayla exclaimed, popping her head out the door, her eyes shifting back and forth between you and Sid and noting how close you were sitting. “We just put out some food if you’re hungry and want something other than ice cream.” She grinned, dipping back inside looking like she was about to burst with what she just saw even if it was absolutely nothing. 

When Sid stood he offered a hand out to help you up, murmuring for Roo to come inside and he’d see if he could find her a treat. The bulldog was eager for that and followed after him as you brushed yourself off and picked your wine glass up moving to rejoin the group. 

Ridding of your buzz with some food and water and more baby snuggles you finally headed home with the feeling that there was something more to your conversation with Sid that you hadn’t put your finger on.

Outfit: 

[the-tenth-doctors-left-shoe]

Why this episode was a rollercoaster all the way through for me (and oh how I cried)

Doctor Who

S2 EP4 : The Girl In The Fireplace

1. The horrifying intro for the clockwork droids

To be fair, it was 2AM in the morning and I was expecting it to be a light hearted episode then I'd sleep, it was most definitely not. The Doctor gestured under her bed of all places. Bawled my eyes out for all of the characters.

2. Madame de Pompadour

Oh how my heart broke for her, she was waiting SHE WAS WAITING. She waited for The Doctor, waited for him to come— she chose a star and waited... Waited for someone she loved, waited for an adventure, waited to get out of the slow path. She simply waited...until death. He was one of her last thoughts nearing her last breath. Oh that was devastating.

3. The Doctor + THE LETTER

For a Time Lord, he was always too late. I just can't— because imagine the feeling of excitement— you just invited a girl you could possibly love and when you come back to fetch her, she's gone. Too late. I always wondered if The Doctor truly loved Reinette or if he's always loved being in the company of someone, desperate for love and afraid of loss— Dunno, never know. But! The Doctor probably did love her, for her high intellect, charm and she's attractive— more ways than one.

“My dear Doctor: the path has never seemed more slow, and yet I fear I am nearing its end. Reason tells me that you and I are unlikely to meet again, but I think I shall not listen to reason. I have seen the world inside your head and know that all things are possible. Hurry though, my love: my days grow shorter now, and I am so very weak. Godspeed, my lonely angel.”

Need I say more?

4. Rose

I felt so bad for Rose because she probably felt like it wasn't fair, because she loves him, he loves her but.. it isn't her place to say that, he's lost so much. He deserves to be loved, was her love not enough? Better yet, was she special? I suppose I always thought Rose felt like she was about to be replaced and that she felt guilty that when The Doctor returned alone, she was relieved? And that she realised that she'd do anything to make The Doctor happy, even if it meant there would be someone else. Dunno.

I'm a new fan by the way! Open to all opinions and I mean no offence to anyone :)

[milks-writings]

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ ｡⋆♡° ✫  ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ ｡⋆♡° ✫

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ PAIRING: Kiyoomi Sakusa x GN!Reader (not mentioned gender, I think its also a Christian church? But I will try to make it as neutral as possible :,)

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ WARNINGS: None

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ SUMMARY: The day he wanted to share with you was only yours.

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ Masterlist

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ Scenario: Not the one

Maybe the time you were on the call he should’ve listened better. Maybe the day you told him about your crush he should’ve responded more properly instead of nodding. Maybe the day you were crying he shouldn’t leave you that easy and should’ve tried harder to comfort you.

But it lays in the presence. For you, it was probably buried under the tons of love your S/O gave you. But for him, it was pain  that would always follow him. The tragic love songs suddenly got a meaning, and the even sadder unrequited love stories have described his life a little better than he thought they would ever do.

This was meant to be the day you two shared.

But now it was only yours.

He didn’t know when it all started, or when it all stopped. But when he saw you looking at your partner ever so gently and lovingly he knew that everything he had was thrown away. He lost you within a few seconds at that moment. You were happy, and still are, but Sakusa wasn’t and will never be now. You have chosen a path he never wanted to let you choose. But you were happy, and he promised you the day you told him that you would get married, that as long as you are happy, he is too.

Sakusa wasn’t happy though. His place was not where your soon to be married S/O was.

He should be your groom.

Or at least he wanted to be your groom. He wanted to see you walk down the aisle from the altar, not from the simple seats.

Maybe the day you introduced this strange person to him was the day it all stopped.

“That’s my new friend!” Your smile as bright as ever, proudly shoving Sakusa towards the person he met for the first time. They are pretty, he didn’t want to lie. But for some reason, he doesn’t like them. “Say hello!” Your voice cheered loudly to the two people that had gained a meaning in your life. “Nice to meet you” The person next to him held his hand out to shake Sakuas hand, but he could only stare at his hand, nodding a little. “Feelings are mutual” he simply answered, not even bothering to shake their hand. “Did you know that they work at your favourite clothes store?” You obviously tried to ease the tension between you three, but Sakusa kept rejecting him and you.

That was probably the moment it all stopped. The smile, the bright voice, the joy you felt at that moment. He could remember all that, and instead of trying he rejected it all. Not only your feelings, but your friend too, who obviously meant a lot to you.

You were marrying them now after all.

If someone would ask him how he found out that he loved you unconditionally, Sakusa would probably tell them that he found it out on your wedding. You never did big things for him, but the small things were the only things that mattered. All his memories are a blurry, but the memories with you are as clear as water. He could replay those like it was happening in the presence, even remembering the way you smelled and the way you talked that day. Was it gently, angry, tenderly, hesitant, lovingly, chaotically or whatever. Each word was printed into his brain, leaving him always speechless by the choice of words you would sometimes choose.

“Kiyoomi” “Mh?” “Why did you choose to be my friend?” He didn’t know either. Maybe it was the way you respected his boundaries and never stepped too close to him, never crossed a line and picked your words carefully, so no misunderstandings would happen. Maybe it was also your pretty looks that first attracted him, but it was definitely your tenderness and kindness that made him stay at your side. “You give me the butterflies everyone is talking about” “Gross!” a small chuckle left his lips hearing you complain about what he had just said. That was right. The feeling sounded gross, but it made him feel alive.

“Sakusa, the vows begin” Komori tapped lightly his shoulder. With looking over at his cousin and back at you he motioned that he heard his words.

Sakusa wanted to scream. He hoped to escape the pain with the sweet memories you two had, but the presence was more powerful. Seeing you happier with someone else pained his heart.

“Do you think that dress/suit is good?” Of course you took your best friend and your parent with you to choose a wedding outfit. “Yes, it suits you!” Your parent cheered, making you smile brightly. His heart skipped a beat, but soon it stopped in pain as he got reminded that this outfit was not meant for him. It was meant to make someone else happy. “Looks good. Better than the other one” He tried to give you criticism. Other words would’ve hurt him.

2am. It was 2am when he could finally leave the stupid wedding. The alcohol could cover his sadness for at least a few moments, but as soon as he stepped into his apartment his feelings took over him, making Sakusa breakdown at the door frame. With each tear that streamed down his face, each sweet moment turned into a bittersweet moment. Not even one wanted to stay nice and sweetly, to stay a positive memory. The only thing he could hold on were the memories, but now, that he had even lost those, there was nothing to hold on. Nothing to fill his love life with. Nothing to make him happy anymore.

Because you were made for him, but he wasn’t made for you.

He just wasn’t the one.

«𝐛𝐲 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞»

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ LOYAL PEEPS: @elianetsantana​