#i could be wrong but i feel as if i am picking up on the writing hints again
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𝐝𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞 || 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
summary_ when you declined to play Ddakji with a man, the least you expected was him stalking you, even less expected when you oblige him to lick your bleeding wound after seeing him kill a man and escaping him.
warnings_ MDNI, age gap (not specified but legal) reader is a foreigner (implied American but not specified again), stalking, blood play, dom!salesman, switch!reader, toxic till the end, sexual innuendos, manipulation, questionable morals, do not romanticize this irl pls, NO PROOFREAD YET
notes_ I’ll just drop this fic and leave it there bc why am i feeling so horny for an Asian sociopath? me la estoy pasando bien raro (i like it)
♫ ♪ the worst playlist 4 this man
✰ Index (+ fics here)
ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
Everything was irritating. The class you had was canceled last minute, the crowd at the train station was loud, the tapping of a kid in a window was constant, and the message you received asking for your campus ID to keep using your student account was sudden and required immediate action. Your cramps and migraine only aggravate everything.
You were steps away from the stairs when you stopped to take the damn picture of your ID and be done with that. But of course, you couldn’t find your wallet at first glance, so you moved aside to take a better look.
You worried about kneeling and ruining your black coat with the dirtiness of the floor at the station, but at the same time, you thought it was just stupid.
A trail of curses flooded your mind as you tried to find your wallet, making you oblivious to a random man walking in your direction.
“Excuse me, Miss… Would you like to play Ddakji?” Said the man asked you in Korean. You were occupied with a hand inside your thrifted designer tote, and your mind unconsciously prepared an answer in English.
“Sorry, I don’t have time” When you realized your mid-answer you sighed, just as you fished out your wallet. “For every win of yours, you’ll earn a great sum of cash”
Once you stood up, you met the face of the man who now answered in English as well. Very tall, handsome, innocent smile and in a suit; a businessman. You knew it was wrong to judge but there was something behind the smile he offered you that resulted eerie.
Like behind that seemingly blameless expression, the man was hiding his true intentions.
Might’ve been your eyes or hair that caught his attention. You weren’t native, and he didn’t want to think he could take advantage, yet his feet dragged him to you.
Placing your bag over your shoulder again, you grab your glasses and phone with tangled EarPods. You give the man one last look. You are not having a good day and you don’t have time to deal with this.
“What do you say?” He asks feigning kindness, eyeing you subtly without your knowledge.
“No, thank you. I don’t even know how the game works”
“You look like you are a natural. You might be surprised if you try. You just have to pick a color and try to flip the opposing tile”
The rich always trying to fuck the one who isn’t. This was just a new way. The urge to roll your eyes grew but you remained still.
“Look, I’m sorry. But I bet you do this just to see how desperate people who need money can go. I won’t be one of them. If not, sorry for misjudging you” you harshly say before putting on your EarPods and leaving the station. You leave him perplexed, huffing in disbelief and igniting a fire of curiosity inside him.
And you completely forgot about the Ddakji man as you made it to your little apartment, not knowing he would turn upside down your upcoming days.
…
Warm days in winter were exciting for you. They boosted your energy and made you want to be out all day.
You had the luck of living in a beautiful complex because it was once from a friend of your mother who married years ago and now had her single apartment for rent.
It had long warm hallways that hosted at least eight apartments by floor. With orange and pink subtle lights and uneven edges. It was truly a sight despite how little the apartments were. One bedroom with closet and bathroom, a tiny studio, small kitchen, enough space for a dining table, another small bathroom, and a half sized living room with balcony.
Your loneliness was well-balanced because you loved your home. But even on warm days, you wanted to be out.
Your red shoes contrasted with everything you stepped on. You carried a bag with a bunch of books and another one with thrifted clothes you bought.
At the park you always walked by, there was a fair amount of people as usual. You don’t care much to look around but someone makes you stare longer than needed.
The same man who asked if you wanted to play a game at the station was in the park. Another impeccable suit dressing him, looking attractive like the first time and already looking at you.
He offered you a smile, to which you didn’t reply. You looked at the ground, feeling like you had frozen.
What a weirdo, he offered bread and a random paper to a lonely man.
Simultaneously, you wondered if the man found you attractive enough to stare like that. With your mind that often became nihilistic, you thought you were delusional and that you should just keep walking.
His eyes remained glued to you. As his prey was thinking about what was better to choose, he contemplated you walking again.
The salesman realized he had made you nervous and that made him feel eager to end his job and follow you again.
Once he realized you lived in a good neighborhood, where his elegant suits matched the vibe, he got even more excited to see you again.
So now, was like it was meant to be.
How sweet, sophisticated, and innocent you looked.
Something shifted, as you passed by his side, only having a view of his back, you assumed he was worked out, his hair looked perfectly fine, and his big hands offered two things. Perhaps you had misjudged him and he really wanted to help. But your inner voice said otherwise. In a sudden change of events, you decided to look back once you were almost at the exit of the park.
With his deep gaze still set on you, your lips formed a smile.
And he took it as a first win in the games that had begun between you two.
…
Once again, you find yourself in the library. Inside one of the biggest malls you’ve been to, you are leaning at a counter, asking if they have an English translation of a book you were interested in.
Your Korean isn’t good enough yet, so as the nice librarian disappeared to find your request, you are working on your next reply, with a translation app.
“Do you recommend me this one?” your back arched as a startled reflex. You quickly stand straight and turn around to see the person you grew anxious to avoid and see again. The salesman is there, looking down at you with a perfectly orchestrated smile.
“Huh?” you ask disconcertingly, he shows you a book, his face looking like he had found a wounded little bird. But it was only you, startled and nervous by his strong presence.
The book is The Divine Comedy. Dante Alighieri.
“Certainly is a good one. A lot of heavenly justice…” you say trying to sound confident, looking at the cover of the book. Displaying the layers that separated heaven from hell. “Do you believe in heavenly justice?”
“I don’t know. We can’t call someone a sinner without a proper trial beforehand” he chuckles, which makes you frown for a second. He truly was unpredictable and you didn’t like that. “Ah, sinners. Always misjudged and harshly punished for being the ones who have the guts to make things…” his deep voice and tone made you wonder if he was self-perceived as a sinner, which made you feel worse.
“You sound like an ethnocentric…”
“I don’t think I’m far into that type of thinking, y/n” Your eyes almost popped out, leaving your hands in an anxious tremble.
“How is it possible that you know my name?” Before he can even answer, you add more. “You are stalking me”
His demonic smile makes your heart stop. The smile you once thought had innocence can’t blind you anymore. He isn’t innocent. He literally confirmed he was stalking you and you didn’t know how to feel.
“I don’t like the idea that conveys the word ‘stalking’. We can call it predestination…” you huff in disbelief. “What do you want with me?”
“I would like to get to know the woman who rejected my Ddakji offer. And ask for one more game” Your lips form a line, and quietly you are hating how much you are enjoying the conversation.
“Hmm, I’m bad at most games, so I’m afraid I will reject you once again” You turned back again to see if the librarian was coming when you felt him stepping closer, which made you feel nervous again.
“I might believe you. I always win…” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers through your spine and creating a lot of tension.
Your psycho mode almost made you lean forward again, daring to see if some friction was possible. But you didn’t, trying to be prudent and acting sane.
“I would’ve wanted a normal first interaction and this time you should’ve asked me out on a date. That’s how it works where I come from but… here, I guess not” he stepped aside as the librarian handed you the book. And as you thanked her and turned to leave and pay somewhere else, he took out a card and handed it to you.
“I’m sure we can work on some sort of arrangement. Here, you may call me…” slightly irritated that he didn’t say much about your inquiry, you snatched the card and walked away.
The cathartic feelings of wanting to keep talking to him and running away from him at the same time resulted in excruciating. It didn’t make sense, the point of him was to nowhere. Being clueless about his age, name, and everything made it feel wrong. Yet, curiosity was starting to burn you.
…
Like a miracle, the heavens moved and sprinkled some luck above you. You found some friends on campus, they spoke English like you and were foreigners as well. One of them was a friend of the owner of a club and invited you for the night.
The invitation made you forgetful about your salesman, whom you hadn’t talked with since the encounter in the library. The card he handed the last time rested between the book you bought the same day, making you unable to read more because it reminded you of the encounter with him.
It resulted unknown to you when was that your life had turned over the edge of becoming twisted. Your feelings for a mysterious man who seemed more accusable than appeared remained undecided.
He made you feel like a wildfire and a caged bird at the same time. Delicate but menacing.
He seemed older than you, professional in a field, mature and imposing. Which you didn’t mind when he appeared to ask you about The Divine Comedy. Either way, you were playing but couldn’t risk anything. Especially in a country where you didn’t know how everything worked.
After getting out of the shower, your thoughts on the salesman are completely faded. You slip on a sequin dress and paint your eyes with glitter and a smokey style.
Thereafter, at the club you let yourself go and have a wild night. Between classes, essays, and the issue with the salesman, you needed a time out.
Everything feels nice when you take a bathroom break and you smile at your reflection. You know you are close to being drunk, it’s the most enjoyable stage of ingesting alcohol.
“Hey, let’s go dancing, I couldn’t find you before!” Yells one of your friends after you reunite with the little group. You nod excitedly, taking her hand and letting her take you to the dance floor.
The music reminded you of that time when spinnin records were a trend and everyone played their mixes at parties back at home. As you move along the track, you don’t look at anything in particular, you just feel interesting and sexy. But your eyes end up giving a quick glance at one table, almost making you stop your euphoric moment.
You swore you saw your salesman.
Looking around you don’t see him, so you return dancing but the odd sensation in your chest doesn’t let you rest.
“What happens?” Asks another friend, looking worried.
“Nothing. Just thought I saw someone. Never mind…” you shake your head, smiling and convincing them that everything is fine.
But once they got more drunk, you walked out, despite curiosity, you wanted to confirm if the tall gorgeous man was near you.
Rarely you bring up to question your life decisions. Not because you thought you were perfect, but because you easily accepted your errors.
And it wasn’t hard to accept you completely messed up by getting out of the club. Where the night was colder, and some steps away from the main entrance, the crowd was loud. A man could be heard pleading and sobbing, which made you fearful but eager to see what was happening.
You peeked at the alley beside the club. A wave of shock flooded you once you noticed another man was punching the one who yelped and sobbed for forgiveness.
Your salesman was the attacker.
“Please! I’ll pay everything back!” Your mind raced back to the moment you spotted your salesman inside the club minutes ago.
His dark grey suit didn’t fit the aura of the place, but he seemed to be talking with the same man he was now punching.
It was obvious at that point that he wasn’t a good man. He made fun of making people play his seemingly innocent games to later laugh in the face whenever they lost. He was never flirting with you, the odd feeling of uncertainty you felt with him was right.
You had to go. You had to burn the card he gave you, avoid the station where you met him, and forget about his face.
There’s panic in your system, your heart beats fast and nausea starts coming up your throat.
You want to get immediately drunk and forget everything you saw with a hangover. You need it.
But you don’t get very far. Midway through the stairs that conduct to the club, a hand holds your forearm with extreme pressure and drags you inside a private room.
Your salesman finally found you.
…
“You just killed a man!” you almost yelled as soon as he pushed you inside and closed the door.
The room was very fancy like the club. It had a big desk near a window, flower-shaped hanging lamps, black sparkly floor tiles, and a sage velvet couch.
Your salesman slides his fingers through his hair and looks at the ceiling before turning to you. One hand still carrying the murder weapon.
“He deserved it” was all he answered and you take a breath. In need of an alibi, you opened a random fridge in the room and grabbed a beer. Your salesman watched how you sipped at the can. He knew you were feeling a mix of curiosity and disgust for him.
Once you drink at least half of the content, you sigh, brushing aside some hair and walking towards him.
“Who are you?” you ask pleadingly, desperate to know how far you’ve gone for him.
“Eventually you’ll know” he sounds cold, calculating, and menacing. “You didn’t call…”
He was taking advantage of your vulnerability.
“I met you a week ago, I don’t even know your name” you admit with shame and dissatisfaction.
For the first time, he genuinely touches you. Hands straight to your waist, making gasp in surprise.
“You’re smart and will eventually understand. You’re my good girl”
His good girl….
What was left to do when you have a sociopath holding your waist with the same hands he had used to kill a man? Play along, even if you are terrified.
What had been your horrified face, slowly ends up in a smirk, tilting your head, squandering cheekiness. “I’m not your good girl, sir”
He slowly leaned back, taking a seat on the sage couch, one of his hands going straight to rest behind his head, against the wall. He twirled the knife against his knee, making you uneasy, but confident about your upcoming words.
“If I walk away, you can’t do much with me, I’m a foreigner. Sure the authorities would dismantle whatever dirty job you’re into and that’s a big no-no” you explain, and feeling a little too bold, you step between his legs.
“Your lack of ignorance amazes me” he admits, offering you a cocky smile. “It makes me even more infatuated”
Your left knee pushed aside his hand twirling the knife. He remained still but sure seemed slightly surprised when you ended up straddling him. With your hands glued to his dark tie, putting it into place.
“Hmm, well, be careful. I am no threat, I barely have valuable skills to get rid of you but I know I could be a problem. So I guess I won, sir…” you allow yourself to smile, following a path with your fingers, from his tie to his cheeks and nose, softly tracing his pale skin.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, sweetheart” You knew he was trying to be in control, and the best part was that you weren’t fighting for it.
“There’s a lot I might not understand. I’m just a girl who happened to be in this city for a temporary academic project” When your lips brushed his, you couldn’t deny he was so fucking hot, you wished he wasn’t so weird and probably part of a mafia or cult or whatever. “You are the grown-ass man who got obsessed with me”
“I just find you an odd but interesting player, sweet girl” he tried to use his innocent smile but it was useless when you grabbed him by the shoulders and finally dared to kiss him.
He controlled it the moment he touched you again. His hands had a possessive sting and firmly grabbed you by the hips. One of them still holding the knife.
Feeling bold, with adrenaline flowing freely, you softly bit his lower lip. You knew it was over when he almost let out a moan, and after checking he had his eyes closed, you literally jumped away from him.
Without looking back, you started running. Your clumsy steps turn frantic, knowing damn well he would start following you soon. As you literally start pushing people to get out, your heart beats faster than ever and you have a growing anxiety, begging you to stop and breathe.
Once the cold air hit you, as you took a cab and saw no sign of your salesman, confusion struck you and you saw the blood in your chest and arm.
“Are you alright, girl?” The driver asked, also watching your bleeding state.
“Yes, just an accident, I’m okay” he nods unsure, but starts driving after you give him your destination.
His knife must’ve sliced your skin when you stood up from his lap. When he moved one of his big hands to caress your chin.
It wasn’t that you were scared of him, of your salesman. Although you should be; but you weren’t. Could it be that the worst part was that you were attracted to him? Even after watching him kill a man? You were screwed.
You realize the reason why you always ran away from him is because you don’t know how to face his unpredictable demeanor.
At that point, you didn’t know what he wanted. Only that he was obsessed with you. But his intentions remained a mystery unsolved.
Before getting out of the cab, you pay and send your friends a message that you left early because you got a headache after vomiting. This didn’t happen, but would’ve been better to experience it as a young woman in her twenties.
…
When you opened the door, he was already inside. The worst part is that you weren’t surprised anymore. You only stood at the feet of the door, looking at him with uneasiness.
“You got me worried,” he says, stopping his movements around your table. “You left some blood stains and I thought it was serious”
“You accidentally showed me your true nature. A little bit of blood shouldn’t scare you” his shirt indeed had some bloody spots, his blazer was gone, and the sleeves of his messy shirt were rolled up. You hated that your first thought was that he looked very hot.
He moved and took a seat at one of your tables. He sighed and you realized that perhaps he was also screwed up. For letting himself go too far for you.
“I don’t regret any encounter we’ve had,” he says. “Me neither”
He can’t stop staring at your bloodstained dress and you notice.
Fuck everything, you thought.
I’m attracted to him, he’s attracted to me, What’s the worst thing that could happen? (I don’t want to know).
“Silly boy, look what you did to me,” you say looking at the soaked fabric.
Something possessed you at that moment. Your hands went straight to lift your dress. His eyes trailed your sparkly underwear, your lower belly, and your ribs that rose and fell as you breathed.
Your hands twirl behind your back to unhook your bra; also soaked, throwing it to the floor.
Your salesman is quiet, his innocent smile about to fall because you know you have taken him by surprise.
Likely you’ll get a scar. The would-be slightly deep, an uneven line that passed from your neck to your shoulder.
You step forward, confidently eyeing him.
“Clean it” he tried to stand up, probably to grab a med kit but you stopped him with your heel. “With your mouth. Lick it clean…”
He gulped.
His manspread became the only thing you could care about. How he eyed you with lust and possession for some seconds, and then to lean forwards.
Once again his hands landed on the curves of your hips and he made you step up, leaving him inches away from you.
Your sudden surgation grew and his hot tongue finally made contact with your skin.
You savored the feeling of his tongue, knowing he wouldn’t clean anything but the semi-dry blood over your breast. He was only making a mess.
Then, he lifts his head and catches your lips in a sullied kiss. The way he held you, made you understand how he always wanted control. Above anything.
“I will be gone within time. You can ruin me while it lasts…” you blurt out, panting for air.
“I’ll ruin you. But I don’t want to rip you apart. That’s pointless…” he admits in your lips, blood near your chin that he wipes out. “You’re the most fun I’ve had in years. My little toy…”
“Alright, I’ll be your toy” he nods, kissing you again. “Know that my lips are sealed when it comes to you”
“And you won’t have to worry about anything again…” you moan on his lips when he pulls your hair and finally makes you lay on your once new carpet, now displaying some splotches of blood.
“I don’t need your money”
“Don’t you want to make your mother proud and relieved from student debts? From rent?” You can’t think straight. “It’s not correct…”
“None of this is, y/n. Now shut your mouth and spread your legs, toy”
It’s wrong, immoral, a complete madness. You know everything will change once the night dies and the morning comes. But as much as you tried to communicate to him that you weren’t scared, you knew it was over, you’ve gotten too deep into his shit.
“Farewell to my purity” you whisper in his ear and it’s enough to make his eyes turn darker, full of lust.
Everything that consoles purity would be gone from you. And the fact that you were ready scared you. But once his hands started meeting places across your body, you welcomed the sin.
As well as your mind seized thinking. Not caring about the consequences.
_______________________________________________
If you ask for more I will provide
Quién me manda a escribir estas mamadas? I’m just ovulating.
#gong yoo x reader#the salesman x reader#squid game x reader#squid game x y/n#squid game x you#gong yoo
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bsf!shoto doesn't understand when being punctual went out of style.
when you swing open your front door the instant he was about to knock, you startle backward like you'd seen a ghost.
"oh, wow." your eyes are wide open and your mouth gapes before snapping shut. "you're, uh, here very early," you manage to say, turning back inside and kicking the door the rest of the way open with your foot. he follows behind you as you hurry back to your bathroom, your makeup halfway done and seven possible outfits laid on your bed. he follows you through the hallway, stopping only a moment to glance at a baby photo of you on the wall. he'd seen the photos hundreds of times, but he found it amusing that you made the same face of surprise when you were little.
"i am ten minutes before our agreed upon meeting time, is that distressing?"
"not distressing, just surprising. in my experience," you continue while patting glitter on the inside corner of your eyelid, "guys don't usually show up on time for dates."
"well, it's a good thing i'm not other guys, then," he smirks and you roll your eyes with a poorly hidden grin. "i also didn't need to waste time picking you flowers--"
"since most of the stuff makes me sneeze anyway," you finish for him, your cheeks warm under the dusting of powder blush. you had known shoto for nearly three quarters of your life, yet it still caught you off guard every time he said something that told you he'd been paying attention to you. "very thoughtful of you." your eyes meet his in the mirror, flicking to his broad shoulder leaning against the doorframe. "staring is rude."
"then you're a hypocrite," he immediately counters with no change in tone, the only indication of his smugness the slightest narrowing of his eyes. his expression turns thoughtful, fond almost. he smiles softly and the endearment makes your cheeks warm even more. "i like that color. the one on your eyes."
"mmm, i know it's your favorite," you reply coyly. shoto's eyes drag from your face down the rest of your body, something different flickering across his face. "something wrong?"
"no, you just...you look beautiful," he manages to say.
"i'm wearing pajamas and all might socks that have at least three holes. in each sock," you chuckle, turning to him over your shoulder. "i certainly don't feel beautiful."
"i can fix that."
"what?"
"what?" he blinks at you, dumbfounded, and you giggle at his slip-up. "who said that?"
"you're funny, sho." you try to ignore the way his eyes follow every movement of your hands as they swipe color over your lips and make last adjustments to your lashes. when you're done, he steps out of your way so you can take your numerous outfit choices to the bathroom, settling down next to your bed to help you decide like he'd done before. "this is a little different, you know," you say through the crack in bathroom door as you tug on your first arrangement. "before, you were helping me decide what to wear for school award ceremonies and stuff like that."
"i could still do that, if you want," he replies with complete sincerity. "i do still want to do that."
"it's a little weird to be dating your best friend, since i feel like you already know all the things that would make me a terrible person to date," you continue and he falls silent on the other side of the door, prompting you to peek out of the bathroom. "sho? is everything okay?"
"yes, everything is fine." there's the slightest dip in his perfect eyebrows that tell you otherwise.
"the 'no lying' rule carries over from friendship to dating, you know," you remind him casually and step out completely, turning in a circle for the full effect. "what do you think?"
"i think that's a bit...warm," he states bluntly. you blink at him and half expect him to laugh, but he doesn't. he's dead serious about you being too warm.
"i am a little warm, yes," you admit in your thick sweater and fleece stockings. "but, i'd also like to dress warmer than i need to because it's so much easier to cool off than it is to warm up."
"i can do both of those things for you," shoto declares. "why wouldn't i do both of those things for you?"
"i don't want you to hassle and need to use your quirk on date night." your voice trails off but he's having none of it.
"is this what you mean by 'things that make you a terrible person to date?' planning ahead so you're not a burden?" you shift your weight uncomfortably under his gaze and can't muster any other answer but shrugging.
"i just...i don't want you to need to change to accommodate me, now that we're together," you explain quietly. he stands and takes your hands in his, lacing your fingers together without a second thought. "if it's easier for me to be uncomfortable and you to be comfortable--"
"why is both of us being comfortable not a possibility?" he asks, tilting his head forward slightly. "why can you prioritize me but i cannot prioritize you?" you have no further argument but his point is hammered home. "do you love me as you wish to?"
"wholeheartedly."
"then let me love you as i wish to. wholeheartedly."
#todoroki x reader#todoroki x y/n#todoroki x you#shoto x reader#shoto x you#shoto x y/n#todoroki shoto x you#todoroki shoto x y/n#todoroki shoto x reader#shoto todoroki x reader#shoto todoroki x you#shoto todoroki x y/n#mha x you#mha x reader#mha x y/n#bnha x you#bnha x reader#bnha x y/n#mha fluff#bnha fluff#todoroki fluff#shoto fluff
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Hiii (llove ur harumasa work)
If u don't mind writing for both haru and Seth (cuz both of them have cute Lil fangs my god those teef)
Could I request love bites from them? Like they saw their s/o and felt they looked extremely cute that in the midst of a hug/snuggle/cuddle they just Chomp or any extra scenarios
I'll leave the rest to u but extra dose if fluff Plz!
🍮
You are so right I do love their little teeth.
They Bite Because They Like You - Seth/Harumasa x gn!Reader (Seperate)
Summary -> About 500 words each. Barely proofread because it was written in the waiting room of a vet's office <3 Warnings -> None! The biting isn't too suggestive
It was a cozy, rainy afternoon and after what felt like hours of begging and pleading you had convinced Seth to forgo his training for the afternoon and cuddle up with you to watch a movie. Between the light pattering of the rain on the windows, the lit candles being the only light source, and the big fluffy blanket, it was hard to not feel relaxed. You were thankful to have this time to enjoy with your sweet boyfriend. You had never dated a feline thiren before, so it wasn’t unusual for Seth to do something you weren’t quite used to, but this was new. Your sweet boyfriend was… shaking? Vibrating?
You picked your head up just slightly to get a look to make sure everything was okay, only to see him intently focused on the tv. Nothing seemed wrong, so you put your head back down on his chest, hearing the noise and feeling him shake again. After a few seconds you realized what it was. He was purring and it was the best noise you’ve ever heard.
“You are adorable,” you coo and see his ears twitch a bit as he looks down with a clueless expression.
“Huh?” He tilted his head a bit, curious.
“You’re purring! You’re all comfy and cozy and purring!!” You tease and poke his side only to hear the high pitched noises he let out in protest. “Cute!”
“I am not cute!” He let out a shrill giggle, a bit ticklish.
You continued to tickle him relentlessly, pinning him under your body weight as you listened to the noises and snorts, your hands moving to tickle his stomach. “You’re the sweetest and most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.” Seth lets out a particularly loud laugh before reacting on pure instinct, reeling up to sink his teeth in your bicep before he realizes what he did, looking at you blankly, bracing himself for the teasing that was about to come.
“You just bit me like a little kitten!” You teased, finding it adorable despite the slight sting from the sharp fangs on your skin. “Like you had enough pets and you just bit me! That’s so cute.”
“No! I’m not cute!” He chokes out another laugh before biting more up your arm, like a petulant little kitten who was losing a fight. It doesn’t phase you at all, not minding the little raised red marks you’d have peppering your arm once you were done. How could you stop when he was being this adorable?
Seth finally wiggles away to the other side of the couch before he pouts and moves out of your grasp, sitting up and looking away from you, his ears flattening and twitching lightly as he glances back to see if you’re paying attention.
“Nooo I wanted to cuddle,” you sigh and watch how he wasn’t budging. “...Truce?” Seth looked over and smiled softly. “Truce.” He replied before moving to lay on top of you, resting his head on your shoulder, his arms wrapped around your torso.
“Are you going to start purring again?” You ask a bit excitedly.
“Probably. I’m enjoying this time with you.” Seth murmured and nosed into your neck.
… “Can you meow for me?”
“Absolutely not.”
Publicly being Harumasa’s partner was… difficult to say the least. Walking through Lumina Square on a weekend with the flash of fans and press every now and then was a pain on its own, but the scolding words from some of the super fans who wanted to “steal your place” was overwhelming. It was too much, and you ducked into an alleyway and sat down on the concrete, catching your breath while Harumasa tried to get the press off of his back. You sat and a fat street cat came over for pets, helping you relax even further. You didn’t hear the footsteps until the cat ran away, Harumasa letting out a frustrated huff. “Hey, love.” He cooed softly and sat next to you, pulling you into his arms. “I’m sorry today was ruined.” “It wasn’t ruined,” you mumbled and leaned into his touch, closing your eyes. “I got a little overwhelmed and needed a breather. It’s okay.” Harumasa was quiet for a bit before he spoke back up. “Well… Let me make it up to you. I know what you want~” A teasing tone dripped off of every single word he said, those golden eyes shimmering in mischief.
“What are you thinking?” “I’m thinking we'll go back to your place and make some cookies.” He offered and immediately a little light shined on your rain cloud. “Yeah see? There’s that smile I love so much.” He stands up and pulls you up with him.
“Fine, fine that sounds much better than being mobbed.” You let out a small laugh as he hoists you to your feet. Hand in hand, you both walked out of the alleyway and got maybe fifty steps before more fans and cameras found the both of you.
Random questions were thrown out, people asking for autographs or photos shouted over the insults being hurled at you. Harumasa just stopped, not wanting to give them the time of day after he just wanted to see your smile. He looked over, the look in his eyes saying he had a plan. “Can I do something over the top, ridiculous, and weird?” You tried to tune out all the people before looking at him. “What?” “C’mon. Yes or no?” “I-” one more call of someone threatening to ‘steal’ Harumasa from you sets you over the edge. “Yes. Go ahead.” Harumasa lit up before suddenly picking you up, twirling you around before attacking your face and neck with kisses and love bites, even playfully tugging the skin of your cheek just to hear the way you roared in laughter. He was being overly affectionate as you shrieked and shrilled, repeating ‘I love you’ like a prayer as he held you close to him, acting like the crowd wasn’t even there. Eventually they got the idea and dispersed, but Harumasa didn’t let up. Instead he had moved on to just biting and nipping playfully and laughing as you squirmed.
“Ah! Teeth! Teeth!” You placed your hand on his forehead and tried to push him away, the two of you practically wrestling in public and laughing. “Stop! Mercy!” You laugh as Harumasa pulls away and places one more dramatic kiss on your cheek before grabbing your hand.
“See? Now they’ll leave us alone because they think we’re freaks.” He laughs and gives you another playfully hug.
“You’re so weird,” you caught your breath as the last of the laughs died off on your tongue.
“Oh but you love it~” He lifts your hand to his lips for what you assume was a kiss before sinking his teeth into the back of your hand.
“Quit it!” You flick his nose and laugh as he dramatically reels away, stumbling until he’s back in step with you.
A/N, but a bit more personal than normal -> I'm still learning about the landscape and etiquette of Tumblr because I've only really browsed until recently. So excuse me while I experiment with trying to create a style that's recognizable at a glance. Also are there like other community things I need to work on? I know I'm a very shy liker and reblogger and I'm trying to break the habit in my mind and actually outwardly show support more. I say that but my OCD makes it hard sometimes. Anyway have a good day thank you for reading <3
#oneshot#asaba harumasa#harumasa x reader#zzz harumasa#seth lowell#seth lowell x reader#seth x reader#seth zzz
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like real people do ☢️ seungcheol x reader.
little is known about the apocalypse of 2017. a century later, archivists are now unveiling the relics they found from those who lived through that time.
★ seungcheol x reader. ★ word count: 2.1k ★ genre: alternate universe: apocalypse, alternate universe: soulmates (the only way for your scars to disappear is when your soulmate kisses them goodbye), angst, romance. ★ warnings: major character death. depictions of death/violence, injuries/scars. established relationship; suggestive scenes but no real smut. set in a fictional apocalyptic world. doubling down on the angst warning; i cannot say with any certainty that this is a happy ending. ★ footnotes: this is part of my follower milestone event. viv gave me an inch (a request for angsty seungcheol) and, in turn, i am giving her a mile (a whole thing instead of just a ficlet). mahal kita, @heartepub! this will be the last hozier brainrot i offer you— for now. + much thanks to @gyubakeries and @tusswrites for beta reading! love you both to the end of the world. ❤️🩹
↻ ◁ || ▷ ↺ like real people do by hozier. apocalypse by cigarettes after sex. i know the end by phoebe bridgers. fourth of july by sufjan stevens. interlude: i’m not angry anymore by paramore. atlantis by seafret. end of beginning by djo. nobody’s soldier by hozier.
When the fish started dying, you did not think: This is how the world will end.
Why would you? The decimation of marine mammals and seabirds didn’t make the news. The misguided scientific breakthrough that triggered everything was kept under wraps.
It isn’t until much later, until the damage is irreparable and the Rapture is imminent, that you will realize it.
The world as you know it is ending— but at least you have Seungcheol.
There’s some cruelty in the timing of it all. The two of you had just moved in with each other, coasting on the honeymoon phase of a long-term couple with a new thing to share. The paint on your apartment’s walls had yet to dry when the government declared a state of national emergency.
Dozens of other countries followed suit not long after, all blaming one thing or the other. Food crises. Social unrest. Cultural collapse.
“This is crazy,” Seungcheol grumbles.
The television is playing clips of a hurricane tearing through the Philippines. Extreme weather conditions, the reporters are saying. Due to the rise of CO₂ levels.
You and Seungcheol are sprawled out on the floor, watching it unfold. The furniture store meant to deliver your couch has delayed shipment until further notice.
Seungcheol has always been the sulky type, though the expression on his face nowadays has been less of his trademark pout and more of a serious frown. You can feel his growing agitation in the stiff way he holds you, in the set of his eyebrows.
“It’s crazy,” you agree quietly, resting your hand on his knee in a bid to calm him a bit. “But it’ll pass.”
Your touch seems to give some sort of reprieve. He rolls his shoulders. He unclenches his jaw.
“It’ll pass,” he echoes, reaching out to intertwine your fingers.
Neither of you knew just how wrong you could be.
April 8, 2017
Weird times. Cheol knows just how anxious I get when I’m cooped up, so he encouraged me to pick up journaling. I’m not sure how much this will help, but it’s worth a try.
It’s been a month since everything has essentially gone on ���lockdown’. The news says that all of this started because researchers wanted to regulate harmful algae. Their genetically engineered virus ended up infecting all algae, and now the majority of phytoplankton are just... dead.
I don’t know what to write about. Terrible oxygen levels? Seafood costing a fortune? This ‘work from home’ system everyone is trying to figure out?
I guess I should just write about the good stuff. That way, when I look back on these entries, I can remember something good.
Today, Cheol tried to fix a leaking faucet himself instead of calling for a plumber. We flooded the kitchen floor, and ended up wet from head to toe.
I cooked pasta, called mom and dad on Skype, and watched the latest episode of Santa Clarita Diet.
Once everything opens up again, Cheol and I have to visit my parents. (And ‘get better screwdrivers’, he claims.)
When Seungcheol first kissed you, you did not think: This man is my soulmate.
It had been a clumsy, shy thing, traded way back when the two of you were high schoolers still stealing away from your eagle-eyed parents. Seungcheol liked to wax poetics about how it was perfect even though you know that first kiss was more a clash of teeth than anything.
You don’t discover the truth of everything until a couple of years into dating. Seungcheol had gotten into playing basketball, and, one evening, you absentmindedly pressed your lips to a scar he had at the bend of his elbow.
The mark smoothed out instantly.
Seungcheol had giggled at the development before spending the rest of the night kissing every inch of your skin that he could reach— injured or not. You still think it’s one of your best memories as a couple.
Kisses that healed scars. You hadn’t believed in the stories yourself until it had happened to you, until you realized how fortunate you were that your soulmate wasn’t halfway across the world or something. No, you had your soulmate, and he was more than willing to kiss away all your wounds.
You had counted yourself as lucky. You still think you are, even now, as Seungcheol strokes your hair and holds you to his chest in the pitch black darkness of your apartment.
His voice is quiet and small when he speaks up. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?” you mutter back.
“I’m sure this isn’t what you imagined,” he says. “For us moving in together and everything.”
An amused snort escapes you. Of course that would be your boyfriend’s concern. There’s the rotational power outages and the merciless prices of goods due to inflation, but Seungcheol is worried about your expectations not being met.
You shift in his hold. The days have been getting warmer and warmer, and the evenings are no exception. Seungcheol has taken to sleeping shirtless. You’re a couple of celsius away from doing the same.
“It’s not your fault that we decided to move in together for the end times,” you say into the skin of his bare chest.
He gives the small of your back a light thwack. “What have I said about the apocalypse jokes?” he chides lightly.
You roll your eyes. He shouldn’t see it in the darkness, but he knows you all too well. “And don’t roll your eyes at me!”
His reprimand draws a short laugh from you. Even that feels like a monumental effort, like it's a waste of good air.
Seungcheol doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about the two of you waking up in pools of your own sweat, doesn’t care that there are whole government newscasts on how to preserve oxygen in enclosed spaces.
He holds you like a lifeline and kisses you until you’re breathless.
“Cheol,” you whine against his mouth, the protest already at the tip of your tongue. The end is near; sex should be the last thing on your mind.
But then Seungcheol’s fingers toy with the hem of your shirt, and he sounds so, so sweet when he mumbles, “Yes, soulmate?”
That’s always gotten to you.
“Unfair,” you groan as you work on shucking off your own clothes. “You’re so unfair.”
In between giggles, he kisses every part of you. Again, and again, and again.
June 15, 2017
Cheol and I are on the run.
He keeps telling me not to call it that because it supposedly makes us sound like criminals. I think it’s just funny, and God knows I need something to find humor in.
As badly as I want to say “we have gone through worse before,” that would be a lie. We’re out of our apartment and trying to make our way to some place where there’s better air quality. In the meantime, we’re living out of his car. It’s so funny to me that I’ve started laughing until I’m crying.
Anyway, the good stuff: Today’s sunset painted the sky purple. We snagged some still-cold cans of Sprite in an abandoned 7-Eleven. Cheol spotted a family of ducks crossing the road, pointed it out, and said “us, soon!”
Us, soon. It feels dangerous to hope, but that’s all I seem to do nowadays. That and being on the run. (Cheol made me strike out that last part, but whatever.)
When Seungcheol finally admits to you that he is scared, you did not think: This means that things are much, much worse than I thought.
Maybe because there were bigger concerns, like the car’s blinking fuel warning light and the scratches littering Seungcheol’s arms. Like the fool that he was, he had gone against your well-meaning advice to not look for help.
He did not return unscathed.
Your lips are pursed in a thin line as you rip open a Band-Aid. It’s one of the few that the two of you have left, and Seungcheol seems to remember the fact. He reaches out to stop you.
“Hey, c’mon,” he urges, obviously trying to aim for levity. “You know there’s other ways we can fix me up, right?”
The frown that tugs at your lips shows that you’re still less-than-pleased at his little stunt.
“Maybe if you didn’t head out in the first place,” you grumble. “We wouldn’t need any of this.”
Seungcheol looks like he might push back, but seems to decide against it at the last minute. Instead, he wraps his fingers around your wrist and gives you a gentle tug.
“It won’t happen again.” His tone is edged with remorse, enough to almost convince you. Almost.
“No more playing hero?” you ask.
A corner of his lip twitches upward. “No more playing hero,” he concedes before tugging at you again.
You let him. You move closer into his space until you’re practically in his lap, until you’ve got a better view of the angry red cuts on his skin.
Tentatively, you press chaste kisses to the injuries. Seungcheol’s hands find purchase at your waist and he tilts his head back, letting you work your magic. He’s quiet as your lips trace over each gash and wound, as you take away all the hurt with the ghost of a kiss.
After a moment, he mumbles, “Is it bad that I want you right now?”
“Seungcheol.”
“Okay, okay.” A beat. “I want you all the time, actually.”
“Shut up!”
The sound of his laughter fills the car. It’s enough to have you forgetting his murmured confession of fear, the vulnerability that he had tried so quickly to cover up with affection. For a moment, there is nothing else in the world except this, except you, except him.
September 23, 2017
Is it weird to say that I’m starting to forget what it was like before all of this happened? Cheol is trying to assure me that it’s to be expected, that we’ll all be back to ‘normal’ soon, but I don’t even remember what normal is like anymore.
I can’t forget. I don’t want to forget. And so here is a small list of things I took for granted:
The first breeze that tells you winter is coming
The kindness of people who don’t know you
The smallest fish in the sea
Date nights with Cheol
Clean water
Breakfast
My parents
Cheol says there might be some biodomes ahead. Oxygen-regulated habitats. It sounds like something only the rich can afford. We don’t have a lot left between the two of us, and it’s getting harder to jump from building to building.
But there’s something waiting for us on the other side— right? There has to be.
May the best of my todays be the worst of my tomorrows.
When the gunshot rang out, you did not think: This is it.
Seungcheol never gave you any reason to think that way. He had held your hand as you raided rundown grocery stores. He had positioned himself in front of you when there were stampedes. The world might have been ending, but he was with you.
He was with you even when the strangers you ran into started getting more aggressive. He was with you even when fights would break out over necessities like water and medicine.
“People are dangerous when they're desperate,” he’d tell you softly— still his rational, kind self even when faced with the worst of mankind.
He was with you. He was kind. He was yours.
Even when the bullet lodged itself right between his ribs.
There is not much that you remember after that.
The people dispersed. The cause of the fight— a can of chicken noodle soup, once your comfort food— lay forgotten on the floor.
The love of your life, staring unblinking at the sky.
When you sink to the ground, you’re moving purely on instinct. Your quivering lips press over his chest, over the red blossoming and staining his shirt.
You kiss him. Again.
And again.
And again.
December 1, 2017
The kisses don’t work on bullet wounds.
▸ Archivist’s note: The following entries are undated and some portions had been redacted/deemed untranscribable. We are led to believe that the author struggled to cope in the aftermath of their soulmate’s death. For posterity, we have still reprinted their final entries.
You’re so unfair.
I still want you.
Things I took for granted: ███████, you, ███████, youyouyou.
What now?
My love, it’s only a matter of ███████—
▸ Archivist’s note: Nothing follows.
This concludes our transcribed logs. The full collection can be viewed at the National Museum of Remembrance.
It is our deepest regret that the author is unnamed and that they cannot be properly credited. However, we know of two things with certainty.
We know of a man named Seungcheol, and we know that he was loved.
#seungcheol x reader#scoups x reader#seungcheol angst#svt x reader#seventeen x reader#svt angst#seventeen angst#seungcheol drabble#( last of my cheol writing for now. i swear )#( but viv gave me this prompt and i just kinda blacked out like ????? Ahahahaha .Whatttt )#( this could have been much longer but im conked out and there is only so much emotion i can manage *shakes fist* )#( ANGST I MISS YOU )
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The Three of Us: After the Games
pairing: Kang Dae-ho x f!reader
summary: Dae-ho makes good on his promise
word count: 2.8k
warnings: pregnancy, childbirth, babies
A/N: for the sake of the story, they got out after the vote after the Mingle game. i had so much fun writing this, dae-ho is so girl-dad coded. if you find any mistakes no you didn't <3
part 1: The Three of Us
"Do we have everything we need? Am I forgetting something?"
You laugh as you watch the man run around the living room of your apartment. "Dae-ho, I'm not even in labor yet."
"I want to be prepared!"
After you had gotten out of the games, you and Dae-ho were delighted to find out that you lived not far away from each other. You were able to use the money you had gotten from the games to pay off your debts, and Gi-hun had offered to help you pay for everything until the baby is born and you're both able to work again (he didn't know it yet, but he had earned himself the title of godfather for that).
Dae-ho came over to your apartment every day for the past month and a half, making sure everything is ready for when the baby comes and keeping you from exerting yourself too much. You're sure he's spent more time at your apartment than at his.
Dae-ho had helped more than you could possibly thank him for. He and Jung-bae had built the crib for your baby, then broke it by "testing it out", then built a new one (why they thought it was a good idea for a full-grown man to get into a baby's crib, you have no idea).
You use the arm of the couch to help you stand up, waddling over to Dae-ho and taking his hands in yours. "Dae-ho, I don't think it's possible that you're forgetting anything," you chuckle. He opens his mouth to argue but you shush him, pulling him into a hug. "The only thing that matters is that you're with me when this baby comes."
He sighs, hugging you back. "I'm just so worried, I want to make sure everything goes right."
"I know," you rub his back. "But you need to calm down a bit. I think you're more worried about this than I am." You pull back to look at him, raising an eyebrow. "You know I have to push this thing out of me, right?"
He chuckles at the look on your face and pulls you to him, placing a gentle kiss on your lips and cradling you to his chest.
"I just need to make sure I didn't forget-"
"Dae-ho!"
<>
You're sitting on your couch watching TV with Dae-ho when you feel yourself sitting in something wet.
"Oh, for fuck's sake," you curse. This isn't the first time you've pissed yourself while pregnant, and although Dae-ho keeps assuring you that it's perfectly normal (he's seen it happen with his sisters), it doesn't make you feel any less disgusting.
Dae-ho helps you stand up, ready to take you to the bathroom when you stop. He looks to see you staring at the large wet patch on the couch.
"What's wrong?" he asks you.
You slowly look up at him with wide eyes. "I think my water broke."
Dae-ho's eyes grow comically wide. "Holy shit, it's happening."
You nod. "It's happening."
He helps you sit back down on the couch before sprinting into your bedroom. He comes out with your hospital bag slung over his shoulder, fully packed and ready to go. "I'm gonna bring the car around, I'll be right back."
You nod, breathing through another bought of pain that you now realize is a contraction. You had been feeling it for a while now, but just thought it was normal pregnancy pain.
Dae-ho comes bursting back into your apartment, nearly tripping over your rug as he comes over to help you stand.
"Okay, the car is out front, I'm probably parked illegally, so we should hurry," he says, rushing his words.
You try to hide your amused smile. Dae-ho is the perfect distraction from your contractions.
"Dae-ho, lock the door, please," you say when you're in the hallway.
He nods, getting the keys out of his pocket and dropping them on the floor. You chuckle as he yelps, scrambling to pick them up and fit the key in the lock. Once he's done he turns to you. "Stop laughing at me!"
You laugh harder at his expression. "I'm sorry, I can't help it."
His face softens as he hears your laugh, a smile forming on his lips. He pulls you close, planting a kiss on your forehead. "Let's go have this baby."
He leads you to the elevator, holding your hand as you descend to the first floor. Once you step outside you burst out laughing.
"Dae-ho, you're parked on the sidewalk!"
"I was panicking, okay!"
<>
"Dae-ho," you cry, "I don't think I can do this."
He squeezes your hand, not complaining despite the fact that you're nearly breaking his hand from how hard you're holding on to it. "Are you kidding? You flipped that ddakji on your first try with guns pointed at you. You were one of the first to finish red light, green light. You ran in Mingle despite being nearly seven months pregnant. This is nothing compared to all of that."
He brings his other hand up to brush some hair out of your face. "You are the strongest person I know. Just one more big push and it's done. You can do this."
"Dae-ho," you half scream, looking at him. "I love you."
He kisses your hand. "I love you too. So much. Now push."
You do as he says, screaming as you feel pain like you've never felt before. Until it's over, and the only sounds in the room are your panting and the crying of a baby.
"You did it," Dae-ho says in awe as he watches the doctors clean your baby.
"Congratulations," one of the doctors says to you with a smile as she holds your baby. "It's a girl."
She hands you your daughter and you feel yourself start to cry as you look down at the little baby in your arms.
Dae-ho sits on the bed, looking at the baby. "She's so beautiful."
You scootch over a bit in bed to make room for him to lay down next to you. After a long time of laying together in peaceful silence, you look at him with a tired smile. "Thank you for being here."
He smiles at you. "I wouldn't have missed the birth of your child for anything."
You take his hand, guiding it to cradle your daughter's head. "The birth of our child."
Tears form in his eyes as he smiles down at you, kissing your head. "I love you more than anything." He kisses your daughter's head as well. "Both of you."
A knock on the door gets your attention. "Let me in! I want to see the baby!" Jung-bae's voice yells into the room.
You look up at Dae-ho, confused. "She's been alive for like an hour, how is he here already?"
Dae-ho looks down at you a bit sheepishly. "I might have texted him earlier."
Another loud knock on the door is heard. "Let me in, I have balloons!"
<>
You groan as you wake up, a loud, shrill cry ringing throughout your apartment. This is the second time tonight that your daughter has woken up.
With a sigh, you dramatically throw the covers off of you, too tired to care how much of a mess you're making.
A hand holds your shoulder, and you turn your head to see Dae-ho, a yawn coming from him as he stretches his muscles. "I got it, go back to sleep."
You shake your head, a yawn of your own escaping your mouth. "No, you got the last one, it's my turn." You move to stand up, but Dae-ho tightens his grip on your shoulder, effectively keeping you in place.
"You carried her around for nine months and birthed her," Dae-ho says. "I got this."
You give the man next to you a sleepy smile. Normally you'd argue with him that it was only fair that you checked on her, but right now your bed is so comfortable and you haven't had a full night's sleep in months.
You mumble a thank you, falling back onto the bed and pulling the covers over you. Dae-ho laughs to himself when he sees that you've immediately fallen back asleep.
He walks to your daughter's room, picking her up from her crib and bouncing her. "Come one, Munchkin, we gotta let your mommy sleep."
As if she understands him, she quiets down, falling asleep with her head on his shoulder.
<>
"Hello! We're home!" Dae-ho announces as you walk through the door of your new home.
You smile as your daughter rounds the corner, crawling towards you as fast as her little arms and legs will let her go.
"Thank you so much for watching her, Geum-ja," you say to the woman walking behind your daughter, who has taken on the role of unofficial grandmother.
"Thank you for letting me watch her!" the woman smiles. "Yong-sik isn't having children any time soon, so this may be my only chance."
"Mom, stop," the mentioned man steps into view. You laugh as they bicker, Geum-ja lightly hitting her son.
You watch as Dae-ho crouches on the floor, opening his arms wide as your daughter crawls toward him. She takes her hands off the ground and you gasp, getting the attention of Geum-ja and Yong-sik. You watch in amazement as your daughter takes three steps before falling right into your boyfriend's arms.
Dae-ho lifts her up, a giant smile on his face. "That was amazing, Munchkin!"
You rub her back, praising her as Dae-ho kisses her cheek. Geum-ja and Yong-sik have stopped their bickering, both of them clapping for your daughter's accomplishment.
A thought comes into your head and you groan, resting your forehead on Dae-ho's shoulder.
"What?" he asks.
"She's gonna be a little menace now, isn't she?"
Dae-ho laughs, bringing one of his arms around your shoulders and kissing your forehead.
<>
"What is happening here?"
You stand in the doorway with your hands on your hips, a smile on your face.
"We're having a princess tea party," Dae-ho says. He points to the princess dress on your daughter, as well as the princess dress on himself, which is close to tearing in half. "Obviously." He picks up the toy tea kettle, pouring some imaginary tea into your daughter's cup before facing you. "Would you like some?"
This is not what you were expecting to see after work, but you can't think of a better scene to come home to.
"I would love some." You sit on the floor, picking up a teacup and holding it out for Dae-ho to pour "tea" into.
Your daughter holds her cup in front of her as well, looking at the man between you. "Dada!"
Both you and Dae-ho freeze. You watch with a smile as he looks down at your daughter, his entire face lighting up and tears welling in his eyes.
You put a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it happily. You've gotten a few "mama"s from your daughter before, but Dae-ho has never gotten a "dada" until now.
Dae-ho pours more imaginary tea into her cup, leaning down afterwards to give her a kiss on her forehead. "I love you, Munchkin."
<>
"Mama!"
You turn to see your daughter tottling towards you, a big smile on her face.
"Hi sweetie," you smile, crouching down to her height.
She grabs onto your finger, tugging on it to try and get you to follow her. You chuckle, allowing her to lead you out of the room, hunched over so she can still hold your finger.
You follow her to the backyard, furrowing your brows when you see that the back door is open. Stepping outside and closing it behind you, you look forward and freeze.
Your daughter runs over to Dae-ho, who's in the middle of your yard on one knee, a ring in his hand.
You bring your hand up to your mouth in shock, tears welling in your eyes.
"Two and a half years ago, I was in the worst place of my life. But it was when I was there that I met you," Dae-ho smiles. "You've changed my life in so many ways, brought me more happiness than I ever thought I could have. I love you and our Munchkin more than anything in the world. You've given me the family I've always wanted, but I think it's time we become an official family. Will you marry me?"
You nod your head, tears spilling over onto your cheeks.
Dae-ho stands and pulls you into a kiss, slipping the ring on your finger. He pulls back, resting his forehead against yours. "I love you so much. My beautiful fiancée."
You feel a tug on your leg and look down to see your daughter smiling up at you. Dae-ho crouches down, scooping her up into his arms and standing, bringing you into a hug. "How would you like to be the flower girl, Munchkin?"
<>
"You see, I told you she'd be happy to see you! You need to have more faith in yourself, Gi-hun," you say into the phone as you unlock your front door. The man had arrived in America the previous day, finally visiting his daughter after so many years.
You step inside your house, locking the door behind you and putting your keys on one of the hooks on the wall. As you enter the living room, you stop when you see what is happening on your couch.
"Gi-hun, I have to go, I'll call you later," you smile, hanging up the phone. You open your camera app, taking a picture of the perfect scene in front of you. The TV is turned on to one of your daughter's favorite movies. Your daughter, however, is passed out on the chest your husband, who is also fast asleep.
After you've taken a sufficient amount of photos, you gently shake Dae-ho awake. He blinks his eyes open, smiling tiredly when he sees you.
"Hi, beautiful," he says.
You chuckle at the sleep in his voice. "Hi. I see you had quite a tiring day today."
Dae-ho nods, rubbing his eyes awake. "We played pirates in the backyard, then we had a movie marathon. It was a very eventful day."
You smile, putting your hand on your daughter's back to lightly shake her awake.
She looks at you with a smile. "Hi mommy."
"Hi, sweetie. It's time to go to bed."
She frowns. "Can I sleep with you and daddy tonight?"
You roll your eyes playfully. "But sweetie, you just got your new big girl bed. Don't you want to sleep there?"
She shakes her head. "I want to stay with you and daddy."
You look at Dae-ho, chuckling when you see that he's also silently begging you to let her stay with you.
"Fine, but just for tonight," you give in, making both your daughter and your husband smile. You pick her up, sitting her on your hip. "It's not fair when you team up against me, you're both too cute."
Dae-ho stands from the couch, kissing the side of your head. "Now you know what it's like trying to argue with you."
<>
You hand your daughter the stick in your hand with a smile. "Go bring this to daddy."
With a nod, she runs off to find Dae-ho. You follow behind her, peeking your head around the corner when she goes into the kitchen where your husband is making dinner.
"Daddy!" she yells and you can hear the smile in her voice.
Dae-ho turns to face the young girl, a big smile on his face. "Hey, Munchkin." He scoops her into his arms, placing a kiss on her cheek.
Your daughter holds the stick out for Dae-ho. "For you, daddy."
You watch as he thanks her and looks at the stick. You feel your smile grow as he realizes what his daughter just handed him. He looks up, noticing you by the door.
"Is this real?"
"As real as it can possibly be," you say.
He sits your daughter down onto the counter, rushing over to pick you up in his arms, making you laugh. He twirls you around before putting you down and kissing you with all the love he feels in this moment.
"I love you so much," he says, his forehead against yours. He looks over to your daughter on the counter. "I love both of you." He then looks back down at you, gently putting his hand over your stomach. "All of you."
~
Dae-ho tags: @whatthefuckeryfuckityfuck @ally1uvsu @thebiggestigurosimp @come-as-you-are-111 @hiphip-horray @k1michii @tpwkcaryslizb @louissst28 @sshwaa @jennwonwoo @sunnysurvives @lalalaa2210 @tayshs @sunshinethatlooksalive @plntmxrss @lxnnrobin @mariaxman @alexx-iia @batty-barty-crouchjr @kxsm3t @takuma-talkz @peacemakersbeloved @skywalker0809 @soobinbunnie5 @dragons-h0ard @silas-222 @putrescentpoet
lmk if you want to be added to the taglist (specify all squid game or just dae-ho pls)
#squid game#squid game 2#player 388#squid game season 2#dae ho#dae-ho#kang dae ho#dae ho x reader#kang daeho#squid game fanfic#squid game 2 spoilers#squid game x reader#kang daeho x reader#x reader
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New ATLWETD Snippet
The ATLWETD snippet from the upcoming chapter! The snippet for Those Gentle Slopes should follow later today.
---
“You have a second wand,” Harry said flatly. He tried not to let emotions colour his voice, but his attempt failed — every syllable rang with bitterness.
There was a flicker in Riddle’s eyes, like he was considering lying his way out of this, so Harry glared harder. Sharp, unpleasant coldness settled inside his chest, chilling him from the inside out.
“Save it,” he snapped when Riddle finally opened his mouth to say something. “I know exactly why you need it. You don’t like us having brother wands, so you made sure to go and get something that will give you a chance to attack me full-force. Am I wrong?”
More silence followed his question. Riddle must have rethought his approach because his face changed again. The placating look slipped off it like the artificial mask it was, with more genuine irritation taking its place.
“I suppose there is no way to burn this unbearable curiosity out of you,” he uttered darkly. “You insist on poking your nose into things that do not concern you.”
Such a dismissive answer instantly sent a new surge of anger down Harry’s veins. He took a step towards Riddle, his fist clenching around his wand furiously.
“Things that don’t concern me?” he repeated. “You got this second wand to fight me. I’d say this concerns me pretty damn much!”
More annoyance. Riddle clearly didn’t intend to take him seriously — he just regretted getting caught.
His chest compressed, even as his anger fizzled out. Feeling numb now, Harry began to turn away, but Riddle’s fingers suddenly wrapped around his wrist, jerking him to a stop.
“Your conclusions are premature,” he said calmly. Harry paused, his heart thumping hard on his ribcage.
Riddle might have sounded calm, but his grip on Harry’s wrist was bruising. Whether he was lying right now or not, it was important for him to make Harry stay and to explain himself. This… this probably meant something.
“I do not know the specifics of the relationship between you and the other version of me,” Riddle continued, and this time, there was definitely a bite of frost to his tone. “But I don’t see you as an immediate or inevitable threat. The second wand will be useful because I intend to duel you, not fight you.”
Duel?
The heavy chain around his heart began to loosen. Harry blinked. The wariness was still there, still lurking, but the fierce longing to believe Riddle instantly overpowered it.
Could it be that he’d read it all wrong? When he saw that second wand, he thought for sure Riddle was back to planning something. It made sense, considering his paranoia and his recent humiliation, and yet… wanting to duel Harry made sense as well, didn’t it? Riddle saw him fight and win most of his duels. Maybe this time, he was finally impressed.
Besides, he trained his other Knights, and Harry was technically one of them now.
But then why would he simply not say it? Riddle must have left Hogwarts’ premises at some point to get a new wand. He wouldn’t be satisfied with just anything, so he had to have tried different options before picking one. He didn’t say a word about it — he continued to stay silent up until today, when Harry finally confronted him. So was he lying or not?
Agitation stirred in him anew. Harry tried to shake Riddle off, but Riddle must have predicted it: his grip intensified, and he grabbed Harry’s shoulder with his other hand, forcibly turning him to face him.
“Look at me,” he ordered. Reluctantly, Harry obeyed. Riddle was staring at him with strange intensity, and a moment later, he understood why. He could swear the Horcrux in him twitched — the link between them sparked to life, and the next thing Harry knew, he was seeing what Riddle was trying to show him.
The image of the two of them in the middle of Room of Requirement. Focused on one another. Duelling.
He was seeing himself through Riddle’s eyes. At first, it was difficult to adjust his vision — everything was moving too quickly, bright flashes of different spells clashing and replacing one another. Was he actually this fast, or did Riddle just see him this way?
Whatever the answer was, Harry couldn’t look away. Something about this vision made heat prickle along his collar — he remembered to breathe only after his lungs began to burn insistently.
The way Riddle imagined him… the way he saw him… it was fascinating. Harry was a whirlwind in his eyes, so bright and focused and endlessly alive that he could barely recognise himself. It was almost like he had more colours than everything else in the room — like Riddle filled him with these colours, elevating him above the pale surroundings.
It was flattering. And surprising. And most importantly, everything in this vision looked precise, which meant that Riddle had probably imagined it many times before.
He wasn’t lying. He was planning for them to start duelling together.
The link broke. It took Harry a moment to realise he was back to staring at Riddle.
Distantly, he noted that he was panting as if he had returned from a real duel just now. Riddle didn’t seem nearly as affected, but his gaze was searing, his pupils blown wide.
Unexplainably, Harry felt a swoop in his stomach. Neither of them moved, standing there like fools, completely engrossed in one another.
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Nika the way you write !!!! Is SO !!!!!!!!!!!!! Every piece you ever make is so vivid and visual to me !! YOU ARE SUCH A STORYTELLER!!!!!!!
CAUSE AND EFFECT
"It’s infuriating to him, the way you get to use your powers. The way you don’t need to think about consequences, because they don’t have to be permanent, don’t have to be something you need to live with for the rest of your life. To you, time has always been something that can be changed with a single snap of your fingers. Whatever you do can just as easily be undone." - I am OBSESSED with Bucky's pov this is everything to me🥹 and the way he's thinking about readers powers being a gift while she's carrying it calling it a curse is SO scream worthy
"With all the good that you could do, you choose to do nothing instead; to stay out of the picture entirely and burn through your powers just because you can, wasting them all on things that don’t mean anything. " - GOD YOU ARE SO EVIL this is such a realistic first impression from bucky though 😔
"Something about her words strikes him like a match, and so he tilts his head and squints at her and thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s got it wrong." - Bitch I have CHILLS. (Also Becca knows he's in love w her) This realization is everything. Pure perfection.
"Honestly, he can’t. He’s still trying to pick up on it, the split second between before and after, that little change of your posture, your hair, your face, that tells him more time has passed for you than it has for him. " - FUCK OFF SRE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME HES WATCHING FOR HER TIME TRAVELIJHBTHROUGH SUBTLE CHANGES YOU ARE INSANE SOMEONE LOCK HER UP IM DONE WITH HER GET AWAY
"He can’t help it. He wonders what your original answer was." - IAM KICKING MY FEET AND TWIRLING MY HAIR AND SCREAMING AND WRITIJG IN MY DIARY HE WANTS HER SO BAD I CANT STAND YOU
"You’re grouchy in the mornings and you make terrible jokes when you’re nervous and you have a strange feud with his cat and your smile makes him want to put his fist through the wall because what is he supposed to do with any of this?" - BAGSJSG THIS IS SO FUNNY IM SO GIDDY RN UOURE INSANE KISS ME ON THE MOUTH
"You’re you, and he’s him, and there’s a sort of "us" in the both of you that doesn’t exist in real life. So when you let him lace his fingers with yours and press your lips to his forehead and it feels easy, that’s usually the point when he wakes up, heart tumbling over itself, right hand tracing the ghost of your touch, always too much, never enough. " - oh my God get a GRIP girl I'm tearing up at this paragraph you are fucking joking and then you go and MAKE THEM HOLD HANDS OH MY GOD AND HE DOESNT EVEN FUCKING REMEMBR SRE YOU FUCKING KIDING NE RIGHT NOW THATS EVEN MORE FUCKED UO EHY DO YOU HATE ME RIGHT NOW NIKA OH MY GOD ??????????????????
here I am feeling all of the feelings with a SIDE PIECE you're clinically insane I can't stand you
Pls fix my heart I can't take this i need them to kiss rn and he together forever and ever 😭😭😭😭😭
❤️ a good time!
tat!bucky’s favorite (or least favorite) thing about twelve
… why not both?
cause and effect
chapter summary: How Bucky fell in love with Twelve: Slowly, and then all at once.
pairing: bucky barnes x time witch!reader
word count: 1.8k
warnings: light angst and negative self talk (this is bucky y'all); some light pining 🤭please note that my blog is rated 18+. minors dni. ageless/empty blogs will be blocked without warning.
a/n: i've literally had this one in my drafts for about two years and i hadn't actually planned on posting it for a while yet but i did promise distractions. and i missed him. i always do.
this is part of the time after time universe but can be read as a teaser and/or a standalone 💚
Bucky’s relationship with time has been fractured ever since a cold day in January that stole away the life he was headed towards and turned him into the monster underneath a child’s bed.
It’s hard to feel good about the concept of time travel once a lot of your own time has been taken away from you. Even now, there’s only so many things in his life he has control over; like the fact that he’s actively choosing to go back to therapy now, or that he’s able to keep a pet for the first time since he was thirteen years old. Stupid little things, like what kind of food he wants for lunch or whether he should take the stairs or the elevator.
Every single one of these things he’s fought for tooth and nail, clawing his way out of the past and carving out his own space in reality again, struggling, trying, hanging on like he wasn’t able to all those decades ago.
He’s probably still failing.
Some days, clinging to the present is tense and brings him nothing but grief. Sometimes, it feels like he’s going to have to mourn the past forever, whatever might have been; and maybe that’s his sentence.
He wouldn’t have wished it on anyone. He deserves worse.
And then there’s you.
Flickering in and out of time, constantly moving, changing in the time it takes him to blink.
It’s infuriating to him, the way you get to use your powers. The way you don’t need to think about consequences, because they don’t have to be permanent, don’t have to be something you need to live with for the rest of your life. To you, time has always been something that can be changed with a single snap of your fingers. Whatever you do can just as easily be undone.
Once you decide you’ve seen enough, you can just take the scene from the top.
And you’re so stubborn.
You’ve already seen how this goes on if you let it, and so you’re always right, end of story. There’s an ease to your steps because of it, a nonchalance in every movement, and it makes Bucky’s blood boil to see it so plainly.
With all the good that you could do, you choose to do nothing instead; to stay out of the picture entirely and burn through your powers just because you can, wasting them all on things that don’t mean anything.
How many lives could you potentially save?
Instead, you consume disturbing amounts of caffeine and then continue to provide running commentary to the world around you based on things that, to him, never happen at all. "Do this", "don’t do that", "take the other one", or, his absolute favorite, "don’t make me fix that".
Why not? he wants to ask, say, demand. Why not fix all of it?
It takes a while for him to realize that all of your fire means you’re burning from both ends. In fact, it takes Becca.
"You should bring her by sometime," she tells him on a rainy afternoon. "While I’m still alive and kicking."
His little sister just turned ninety-eight. Her kitchen sideboard is filled with black-and-white pictures reminding him of all the things in her life that he missed, arranged in perfect little wooden frames.
"And why would I do that?" Bucky asks, scowling at his cards.
"Because you keep mentioning her," Rebecca says dryly and whisks the cards onto her pile with quick fingers.
"You gotta be kidding me," he groans, noting down her points. "And I don’t."
"Do, too. I don’t remember you being this terrible at this game."
"Because I haven’t caught you when you’re cheating."
"Exactly. It’s embarrassing." She wins the next trick, too. "How’s Tuesday?"
"Am I clairvoyant now?"
"I was thinking lunch."
"No." Finally, he gets a couple of points down. When he glances up at his sister again, she’s looking at him expectantly and he sighs. "What?"
"You can’t fault me for being curious," she says. She has just as many opinions as she did when she was sixteen. Her eyes are still the same, too, the same shade of blue as his and the same glimmer of archness as their mother.
"Don’t you think it’s weird?" Bucky says, finally giving in. "The whole … time thing?"
"I think it’s very weird, but so’s you returning from the dead and kvetching about it." Her eyes narrow when he starts to protest. His mouth closes again. "Besides," she continues, shuffling her hand around, "it doesn’t sound all that fun."
"To have the power to never make mistakes?"
"To have to live through every mistake twice without anyone knowing."
Something about her words strikes him like a match, and so he tilts his head and squints at her and thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s got it wrong.
That you carry not only your past, but all the futures you’ve seen that never came to be; all the what ifs having turned into answers.
And he thinks, how nice. And then he thinks, how horrifying.
It’s a thought that follows him over the next couple of weeks, and it starts reframing your interactions for him, in a way.
"Will you stop staring at me," you say without looking up from your book.
Honestly, he can’t. He’s still trying to pick up on it, the split second between before and after, that little change of your posture, your hair, your face, that tells him more time has passed for you than it has for him.
It’s more of a feeling than anything else, something right at the back of his mind telling him that something is different if he concentrates on it enough, but he’s never sure what it is. And he doesn’t like that; not one bit.
So Bucky crosses his arms and leans back. "Why?"
A flash of irritation makes your nose twitch, even though you still refuse to meet his eye.
"It’s rude, for one."
"Noted." He waits for the two that never comes. "Anything else?"
And there it is. A blink-and-you-miss-it kind of moment, like the air shifting around you ever so slightly, a certain knowing glint in your eyes when you roll them and get up.
"Annoying!"
He can’t help it. He wonders what your original answer was.
***
Bucky’s relationship with time changes slowly, the deepest cuts carefully mending themselves until looking back doesn’t feel like getting his bones ripped apart anymore, until he looks at you on a cold day in January and realizes he’s fucked.
At first, he hopes that it might be a fluke. A trick of the light, maybe, or seasonal allergies. That’s the reason why his eyes are drawn to your face as soon as he enters a room; the closest source of discomfort always the thing he seeks out first. That’s the reason why his chest constricts like that.
But the truth is, he knows this feeling has been building slowly; he’s just been unwilling to admit it.
Something soft and delicate has started to nestle in that gaping hole inside his chest, unbothered by the walls he’s so carefully built up.
He’d never planned on you.
Fuck, if he’d known in the beginning, he might’ve …
No, he thinks. He wouldn’t have changed anything.
Because you’re too good for him, anyway, and he knows it. Smart and strong and funny and gorgeous and capable of things he’s not sure he’ll ever fully comprehend; and it’s worse than that, because he knows you now.
You’re grouchy in the mornings and you make terrible jokes when you’re nervous and you have a strange feud with his cat and your smile makes him want to put his fist through the wall because what is he supposed to do with any of this?
He’s not made for this dance anymore. That part was taken from him so long ago, and he’s delusional to think that anything or anyone could return it to him after all the bridges he’d been made to cross and burn. Why would someone like him deserve to be given tenderness anymore in this life? Why would anyone want to try?
But that foolish thing blooming inside him feels a lot like hope, despite of what he keeps telling himself.
There’s just something about you that keeps pulling him in, and honestly, he’s tired of fighting it. Then again, the thought of you feeling the same is nothing short of ridiculous.
He’s not the same guy as he used to be. Hell, sometimes he’ll look at old photographs and barely recognize himself.
He remembers life before, and maybe that’s what makes this so hard. He remembers talking to pretty girls, their bright smiles, their soft skin underneath his hands. Good times were easy to come by, even though life was hard in a different way, then. But he was good at it; acting on his feelings alone used to be simple, fun, second-nature almost.
It’s different now.
It used to be different only once before, and look where that’s gotten him.
No, he can’t say anything. Not ever; or not yet, at any rate.
Sometimes, though, Bucky lies awake at night and listens to the rain knocking against his window, and he remembers how much easier falling asleep used to be when he had someone next to him and his mattress didn’t swallow him alive.
He’ll remember the dark circles under your eyes and wish it could be as easy as asking, too. He wonders if there’s a universe you remember where he tries, but he doubts it.
These days, he knows his mind again. And it’s not a burden he wants to share.
You have enough to carry on your own.
Maybe, he thinks as he stares up at the ceiling at three in the morning, maybe there’s still a certain comfort in your powers, in knowing all the possibilities, but it also means constantly losing something that’s real; always mourning the life that isn’t.
He can relate to that.
And maybe that means you can relate to him, too, at least a little bit.
It’s odd, how comforting that last little thought is to him.
When he does eventually fall asleep, you make your way into his dreams, too, sometimes. Those times are the worst.
You’re you, and he’s him, and there’s a sort of "us" in the both of you that doesn’t exist in real life. So when you let him lace his fingers with yours and press your lips to his forehead and it feels easy, that’s usually the point when he wakes up, heart tumbling over itself, right hand tracing the ghost of your touch, always too much, never enough.
He knows it’s not real.
He knows it’s just an indulgence; selfish, really.
The problem is that whatever small hope has decided to settle in his very core is impossible to kill, no matter how much he pushes it down; and he’s not sure he wants to lose it again.
Secretly, silently, serendipitously, you make him have faith in the future again.
But it’s not time for it yet.
if you want to read more about these two (plus a lot of time related shenanigans), read the main series here. or check out the rest of my bucky fics, that's also an option 💚 i don't do tag lists but you can follow @intrepidacious-fics for update notifications
#time after time#nika <3#fuck this fic actually#i will NEVER get over this#this is going to haunt me#and keep me up at night
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"𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐄.."
desc :
trying to cheer up your best friend
you and han were close friends, always sharing your thoughts, problems, and secrets, even though you didn’t see each other as often as you’d like. despite the distance, you always found your way back to each other. but when han needed help, he never reached out directly. he expected you to find him on your own when he was struggling, though he rarely let you see that side of him. instead, he often leaned on his bandmates during tough times.
during the five star era, han was struggling, but you didn’t know. weeks passed without seeing him, and when you called, he didn’t pick up like he usually did. you knew something was wrong.
one day, his bandmates contacted you, worried because han had stopped replying to them and hadn’t returned to the dorm. they asked if he was with you, which sent a wave of anxiety through you. panic set in as you feared something had happened to him.
you decided to search for him, heading to the rooftop where you two often met. when you arrived, you found him sitting on the ground, headphones on, and a slice of cheesecake in hand. he looked calm, but you could see the exhaustion in his slow movements.
you sat down beside him, still catching your breath from rushing to find him. he glanced over at you and gave you a soft grin.
“you found me…”
he said quietly, his voice laced with both relief and weariness. his cheeks lifted as he smiled, trying to lighten the mood and make you laugh, which you did. han always knew how to ease the tension, even when he was struggling himself.
but you were annoyed at han for not saying anything and just letting him drown in his struggles. you knew that he knew that he could come to you, yet he chose not to. you glare at his smile with a glare, but you must've made your look too mean because he immediately got sensitive.
han saw your glare and knew immediately that you were mad at him. he had hoped you would be worried about him or at least happy to see him, but instead, your expression was filled with anger. His sensitive nature couldn’t handle it, and his body instantly tensed.
he took off his headphones, sighing softly as he spoke in a quiet, defeated tone.
“you’re mad at me, aren't you?”
“yes, i am.”
han’s shoulders sank. he had expected your anger, but it still hurt to see that you couldn’t just be happy he was okay. he put the cheesecake aside and looked at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of guilt and exhaustion.
he took a few seconds to gather the courage to speak, his voice still low and weary.
“i guess i don’t blame you…”
you don't reply.
han fidgeted with his fingers nervously, the silence between you two weighing heavy on him. He knew he had messed up, and now he had to face the consequences.
he glanced up at you, trying to read your expression, but you were still giving him that same glare that stung his heart.
“say something…”
he said in a soft voice, almost pleading for your response.
“but what do you want me to say, han?”
han exhaled deeply, raking a hand through his messy hair. he avoided your gaze, feeling the pain of your anger more intensely.
he knew he had no excuse for his behavior, for shutting you out and not replying to your messages or calls. he had done it again, isolating himself and causing you worry and hurt.
his voice was quiet, almost vulnerable when he spoke.
“i don’t know… yell at me. yell at me and get it over with.”
“han, you know i'm not gonna yell at you, but i will end up doing so if you keep shutting yourself down like this…”
surprise flickered across han’s face. he had expected you to lash out and scold him, not hold back your anger.
he met your gaze again, still filled with guilt, but now a hint of relief that you weren’t going to scream at him. he took a moment before speaking, his voice laced with honesty and vulnerability
“i’m sorry. i’m sorry for shutting myself down, for not answering your calls or messages… i know i keep doing it, and i hate myself for it but… i don’t know how to stop.”
“what's the big difference, han? what makes this change necessary?”
han bit his lip, feeling the weight of your question.
he knew he wasn’t making any positive difference by isolating himself. in fact, it was making things worse. but he couldn’t help it. it was a deep-rooted habit that he struggled to break free from.
he sighed, avoiding your gaze once again.
“i don’t make any changes… i just… i feel like i’ll bother you with my problems. i don’t want to burden you with my struggles.”
“you've done it before though, why's today so different?”
han’s shoulders drooped even further as he heard your question. he knew you had a point. he had shared his troubles with you before.
he fidgeted with his fingers again, staring down at them instead of meeting your gaze. his voice was soft and laced with shame when he spoke.
“i don’t know… i don’t know why tonight is different. maybe… maybe i just feel more hopeless… more useless tonight... more lost.”
you sigh, hold his hands and stare deep into his eyes, whispering,
“you're not useless, okay?”
han’s breath hitched as you held his hands, your touch grounding him and bringing some comfort.
he finally looked up at you, and your gaze met his. he saw the concern and care in your eyes, and it made his heart ache. he wanted to believe you, but the dark thoughts in his mind wouldn’t let him.
“how am i not useless? i… i keep disappointing people. i keep hurting them.”
“you learn from mistakes, han, and i know that you learn really fast.”
han still looked doubtful, but your words began to reassure him a little.
he gripped your hands, finding strength in your touch. a small, bitter smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
“maybe… maybe i learn fast… but it still feels like i just keep making the same ones over and over again.”
“no, han, i've seen you adapt to situations, you're amazing, really.”
han’s eyes widened slightly when he heard you call him amazing. he wasn’t used to compliments, especially not when he felt like he didn’t deserve them.
he looked away, a faint blush tinging his cheeks. He still didn’t feel good enough for your praise, but hearing it from you eased the pain inside.
“y-you really think i’m amazing?”
you nod and smile. a soft, genuine smile tugged at the corners of han’s mouth. a rush of emotions filled his heart, a mix of gratitude and vulnerability.
he held your hands tightly in his, feeling the warmth and comfort in your touch. he took a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking.
“thanks… i… i don’t know why you think so highly of me but… it means a lot coming from you.”
“don't put yourself so low in the ranks. you're your number one priority. nobody else should come first.”
han knew you were right. in his quest to prioritize everyone over himself, he often neglected his own well-being.
but hearing the words aloud from you made it hit harder. he swallowed, nodding slowly in agreement.
his voice was soft, filled with a mix of vulnerability and determination.
“you’re right… i need to stop putting everyone else first. i need to start prioritizing myself…”
“see, i told you that you learn quick!”
han chuckled softly, feeling a mix of comfort and embarrassment at your comment. he smiled slightly, still holding onto your hands as he spoke.
“yeah, yeah, you’re right about that. i guess i learn quickly when someone like you teaches me.”
he gave your hands a gentle squeezing, still blushing from your praise.
he scooted closer to you and opened his arms, inviting you into the embrace. he wrapped his arms around you gently, holding you against him. he buried his face in the crook of your neck and let out a soft sigh, feeling the tension and weariness start to melt away.
#kpop#stray kids#han jisung#oneshot#angst i guess#skz x you#skz stay#skz x reader#skz imagines#skz#angst with a happy ending
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Self aware (rafayel x reader) part 2
word count: 1.1k
HI GUYS IM BACKKK I JUST WANNA SAY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! PLUS CALEB GIRLIES HOW WE FEELING RN plus enjoy this fic!!! next one will be a xav oneshot~ BUT ITS FLUFFY I PROMISE
Warnings: none
FANFIC UPDATES!!!! ao3 wattpad
Everytime he sees you, the only thing he just wanted was to hug you and never let you go. Sadly, It couldn’t happen since you were both separated by a screen. Yes, a screen.
Today was just any other day for you, Log in the game, do dailies and weeklies and maybe even farm a bit. But now it seems really weird ... .For some reason. Well not the game but its Rafayel.
Usually he’d just say something or probably be reading or sleeping but it's weird… maybe you're just hallucinating? After all, you haven't been sleeping well the past few days since you’ve been working on an art project that's due soon….
“So this is due next week, the other later, and the other….” You count how much was due, maybe around 5 - 10 projects? You slowly start regretting for procrastinating, using that time to farm in the game for rafayel’s latest banner, into the canvas. Make it even worse there was a quad banner after and you only having 300 gems was the worst…..
“I'm sorry raf but i might have to skip this incoming banner” you say sighing in defeat, turning off the game in your phone to start finishing another art project…..
Meanwhile
Rafayel pouts as he sees you close the game, The only thing he wanted in the world right now was to just hug you, not the game you but the real life you. He did notice how stressed you were nowadays, especially the fact that your schedule was packed. Sure he did see the amount of effort you did when farming and also he did find it a coincidence that you went to art school.
He waited…..and waited…..and waited….
Seriously, are you just going to be gone for the next 800 years? (even though it's only been 2 hours but still)
He kept spamming you with messages on the phone, which was very usual of him to do. While you on the other hand was focused on finishing as many projects as possible.
“If only i was there with you….i could’ve helped you out but no, i'm stuck in a screen” he says pouting
.
.
.
.
.
.
A few hours later…
“Well I'm finally done with half of it so maybe i’ll just…. Sleep it off first….” You say as you started to fall asleep while listening to one of Rafayels 4* memories..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It was so comfy, like really comfy. You know the feeling when somebody’s beside you and then it’s a rainy morning? Wait. wait this is wrong.
You live alone,
You don't even remember letting anyone sleep beside you yesterday,
NOW WHAT WAS THIS!?!?!?!
You open your eyes in panic just to see him. No other than Rafayel, the very same man that you wished to see in reality ever since you started playing love and deep space.
“Morning cutie” he says, and immediately you smack rafayel immediately, throwing him off guard.
“Hey why smack me when you could give me a kiss :(“ Rafayel says pouting confusedly on why you would do that to him first thing in the morning. Don't you miss me?? He wonders
“You're real?” you say as you kept touching everywhere, the face, nose, hair everywhere./
“Yes I am real, didn't you sleep well yesterday?” rafayel asks, even though he knew that you probably spent studying until 3 in the morning.
“Uhm of course i did-” you say before rafayel cuts you off
“Liar i know you slept at 3 am so thats means you don't sleep well 😠” rafayel says as he looks at you as if you committed a crime or something.
“Wait how do you know-” you ask confused on how the hell did a fictional character that you loved knows you slept very late in the morning
“Because you left me all alone in the cafe to study silly girl, that's why i know” he says winking at you
“But- BUT-”
“No buts, the only thing i want to do today is just spend time with you” rafayel says as he picks you up bridal style……
The entirety of the day was spent in laughter and enjoyment, visiting the aquarium, painting with rafayel, having dinner with him and the last thing on the bucket list for today is watching the sunset at the beach.
“You know everytime i see the sunset, the first thing that reminds me is you,” Rafayel says, as he interlocked his hands with yours.
Looking into his purple - magenta eyes before you could even say another word, suddenly you felt like you were falling into the abyss, as if you have gotten knocked out or something….
“WHAT THE-” you open your eyes just to see yourself back in your good old bedroom, same home, same lifestyle.
“So it was just all a dream?” you wonder, as you stand up from bed.
As you sigh and get yourself ready for uni, you find yourself lost in the moments where rafayel was doing everything with you…it felt so real you swear that it all happened….
Sometime later you find yourself in the middle of a lecture until you receive a message from an unknown number….
Messages
Unknown number: hey cutie when’s class going to finish?
You're scared. No creeped out to be exact. Who is this? How did he/she find your number? How did the person in question find out you're in class right now? Your breathing becomes heavy as you debate whether to reply or not. At this point the class wasn't the topic anymore. It was about who that was and how creepy they are.
You: who are you? If i may ask
Unknown number: it's me cutie, the name's rafayel. Did you forget about me?
You: yeah no way you're actually him creep. Hell no way i'm believing that easily
You close your phone as you block the number, hoping that everything won't escalate later on…..
Rafayel on the other hand, was to say driving to the art school where you study. Having a bouquet of flowers at hand as he was almost near….
“Yeah yeah whatever besides I already blocked the creep so there's nothing going to happen next right?” you say chatting with one of your friends as you walk outside the school.
Suddenly a sports car pulls up at the entrance, before you could react to anything you see a young man in his mid - twenties purple hair and purple - magenta eyes get out of the car with a bouquet at hand as he immediately spots you.
“Hey there cutie, how's life in art school?” rafayel asks, smiling as he gives you the flowers he bought earlier
You missed him. Missed his touch, his whiny voice everytime when he loses the claw machine, and how you and he would tease each other at times.
“Rafayel you jerk” you said as you immediately hugged him, not caring about anyone right now except for him.
“I finally found you, cutie. Don't leave me again” He says hugging you back, he finally found you. Maybe waiting for 800 years really was worth it.
_________________________________________________________ Taglist: @ladyof-themoon
#love and deep space#fyp#fanfic#fanfiction#rafayel#zayne x reader#rafayel x reader#love and deepspace#sylus#fluff
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Will you guys attend an antenatal course? Or pre-childbirth class or whatever it is called? You know, where you prepare for childbirth and infant care and whatnot before the babies arrive. (is there even one in Hell?)
Lucifer: "Hm, maybe we should think about -"
Alastor: "No"
Lucifer: "What? Why the hell not? We could use a bit advice with triplets."
Alastor: "I'm sure we can ask Doctor Chaim anything relevant. Besides, I am reading enough on the matter"
The demon makes these movements he picked up recently. A bit of uncomfortable squirming and picking at his clothes.
Lucifer: "Reading and talking about it is something entirely different from practicing it. Where's the harm?"
Alastor: "It's simply ridiculous! There's no need."
Lucifer: "There is! What's really wrong?"
Alastor: "I just told you!"
Again the tugging, and a stiffness in posture. And Lucifer knows, that no matter Al's claims to the contrary, he isn't having a great time.
Lucifer: "You are uncomfortable with this, right?"
Alastor: "Fine"
He says it so tersely, that it feels like the king put too much strain on a rubber band and now it snapped into his face. Similarly, the radio demon turns around with force to glare at him.
Alastor: "I am not entirely happy about the changes to my body. So I don't need people starring at me too!"
Lucifer: "Al, the class will be full of pregnant people, there's no reason for them to stare... Well, besides them being scared but I don't think you mind that"
The demon's shoulders move slightly, stance even harsher. His harms don't swing around in showmanship, but are almost pinned to his side.
Alastor: "Can we just not go?"
The king makes him sit beside him with a gentle push against his shoulders.
Lucifer: "Hun, this isn't exactly going to become less irritating... We gotta find ways to deal with this and not just not going places. Or do you want to just shut yourself in our room?"
Alastor: "It is only a few months -"
Lucifer: "Alastor."
The deer sighs in defeat, head dipped at an angle. Unfortunately Lucifer is right. But it seems hopeless either way.
Alastor: "What is there? It isn't going to stop"
Lucifer: "Uh... Well, once your tailor got more clothes your taste you might feel better. I mean, for now you only have a mildly bigger shirt."
Al sighs, leaning his head against Lucifer's shoulder. That's honestly a bigger thing for him. Call him vain, but he does care how he presents himself. He absolutely didn't like the feminine clothes presented to him in that store. Maybe it is particularly irritating because it is too early to look like pregnancy, but late enough to be noticeable.
Alastor: "When are these classes anyway?"
Lucifer: "Uh, I think some start around 29 weeks or something. It'll be a while"
Alastor, huffing: "If I don't like it I will simply leave."
Lucifer, laughing: "Okay, yeah, I guess that's a compromise"
The king puts a hand in the growing belly and pulls his partner closer.
Lucifer: "Just for the record. You still look very pretty to me"
Alastor: "Obviously. I'm gorgeous"
There was, of course, no blush on Alastor's cheeks. Neither did it cause his chest to feel lighter, and his shoulders to droop. Obviously not.
#ask#send asks#ask blog#ask me anything#hazbin hotel ask blog#alastor the radio demon#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor#hazbin hotel lucifer#lucifer hazbin hotel#lucifer x alastor#hazbin lucifer#lucifer#lucifer morningstar#alastor x lucifer#radio demon#radioapple#mpreg#pregnant with triplets#triplets
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Hey!!! I just wanted to start out by saying how much I love your work!! I look forward to everything you put out!! I was rereading the original how to handle fame, and there was one part where Jason said that Annabeth said she didn’t hate it when she told him about her interaction with Percy. I’m just curious to know how that conversation went between Annabeth and Jason. I can only imagine how Jason responded 😂
“Annabeth, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Jason says as soon as he picks up the call. She shakes her head at his antics, leaning back into her couch.
“Are you busy?” she asks, ignoring his statement.
“I’ve got some time before the next scene and I’d prefer not to engage in a conversation with the producer walking this way, so please,” he replies, fervently.
Annabeth smiles. “I guess I’ll save you.”
“Appreciated,” Jason jokes back. “So what’s up?”
What is up…honestly, she’s not sure why she’s calling about it. It could have been a text and there’s not really too much to say other than the fact the barista from Cali’s Café has not left her mind all day. (And she isn’t going to say that because she’s aware it sounds a little insane.)
“I checked out the café you told me about,” she starts slowly.
“Oh, awesome! Did you like it? The coffee is good and the place is lowkey, right?”
“Yeah, the coffee was good.” She pauses, unsure of what to say next. Does she ask about Percy? What could Jason even tell her?
“Why am I sensing a but? Was the service not good? I always have the guy, Percy, and he’s super chill. Not sure how the other employees are.”
“I met Percy,” she says. The picture of his face and sea-green eyes comes clearly to her mind the moment his name is spoken.
“What happened?” Jason asks, clearly sensing that something had, in fact, happened.
But really, nothing had happened. Sure he’d been awkward, endearingly so, but very sweet and had made great coffee.
No, he hadn’t done anything wrong. She is the problem.
“Nothing,” she replies. “He was awkward but it was cute. He forgot to charge me and said my coffee was on the house when I brought it up.” A smile surfaces as she remembers his cheeks getting red.
“Really? My order has never been on the house.” She suspects Jason might be frowning.
Chuckling, she replies. “Guess he like me more.”
“Are we in competition over a barista?” Jason asks and she imagines him raising an eyebrow at her.
She pulls the blanket closer to her chest and re-settles herself.
“No,” she replies easily. “I’ve already won.”
“Rude,” he jokes, before his tone turns serious. “I’m sorry if you were uncomfortable though. Honestly, he handled Thalia very well so I thought it would be alright.”
“Not at all!” She rushes to explain. “I was not uncomfortable, it was good and I’ll be going back.”
No Percy had not made her feel uncomfortable, just…intrigued. In the way that she wants to go back and see him again.
“Okay good, I’m glad to hear that. I’ll be going tomorrow morning anyway—oh, they’re calling me, gotta go.”
“Yep, talk to you later,” she says, as she hangs up the phone. She stares at the black tv screen she has yet to turn on.
So Jason is going tomorrow? Maybe she should tag along…just to see how Percy is with Jason. It’s for science really, nothing more than that.
READ MORE ON how to handle fame and headcanons
A/N: Thank you so much for the prompt! I decided to add it to how to handle fame and headcanons as a little drabble, hope you enjoyed! I appreciate your support for the series! Thanks again!
#percabeth#percabeth fic#percabeth au#actress annabeth#percy and annabeth#hthf#how to handle fame#barista percy
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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sometimes you spend a lot of time trying to forgive yourself for the crime of being alive. you might spend 21 years trying to forgive yourself. "i'm sorry," you cry, "i'm sorry that i was born and i ruined your life." you succeed, somehow. you're forgiven. and then you realize at 22 that none of it was your fault in the first place. and in the place of that sorrow and regret comes anger and hurt. it's easier to blame yourself than to feel the true depth of that kind of pain. aching, stinging, lonely pain, abject pain. you think the reason they didn't take care of you was because you were somehow flawed and unlovable. but they never cared in the first place, not in a way that mattered.
betrayal in the form of neglectful parents leaves a wound that feels like it really will never close. a profound emptiness, a profound misunderstanding of yourself. what should be there just isn't.
#thoughts#i had a nightmare last night about being back at my parents house#i remember the yard in the summer. the bright green when the sun hit the grass. the wetness on the ground from the summer rain.#that yard was my world for years. i could venture no further.#for most of that i never ventured outside at all#i dreamed that it was summer again#and i was young and frightened#and my body was horribly wrong. wasps came and picked at my skin until it wasn't right anymore#i begged for help but nobody listened to me#it'll be a hard day today. i can feel it already.#the kind of day where all i want to do is curl up and cry and wallow and wail. sometimes the weight hits me.#i cry both because of how deep that wound is but also because i know i never have to go back#i was in so much pain for so long. i dont have to be anymore#but i still am. the pain is always there.
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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Update on my situation:
While driving to work the car stopped working. Just suddenly the gas pedal stopped working in the middle of an icy intersection in 8°F weather. My ex-would-be-father-in-law did his best to keep control of a suddenly uncontrollable vehicle. Oncoming traffic didn't even slow down. I hate the drivers here. But at least no one hit us. I suggested we try backing into a side street and luckily that worked. After restarting the car we tried driving back instead of continuing to work. Thank gawd we didn't chance it cuz a block later it did it again. We managed to get back and we are ok but we were both very shaken up. He joked later joked how people in his life would say it was God's way of telling us we needed to stay put. My ex-would-be-father-in-law told me that that's what's gonna happen. For now at least. I will be staying at least one extra week and we'll figure it out week by week moving forward. It's not the end, but I got a small refrain. He was initially planning to help put me up in a hotel for a few weeks to give me more time, but with what just happened, it won't be this Friday. So I'm staying put for now. This whole mess is so stupid. And completely preventable. I'm too tired to write more. It's been a really weird day.
On the bright side, I got a job interview on Monday. I don't think it's any better than what I have, but it's worth giving it a chance. If nothing else it's easier to get to.
#i hate this whole situation#i keep picking up my phone to tell my best friend everything and then i remember#it doesnt feel real#it doesnt feel like he could really be this kind of person#i never thought he was capable of doing what he's done but i was wrong#i just cant wrap my head around this betrayal#thats what it was. betrayal#even his own father owns up to that#i keep wondering what happens if he changes his mind again#what exactly am i supposed to do?? not leave?? trust him again??#i dont know if i ever could. i just dont know#but unless he actually takes that step i guess im worried for nothing#i really want to go on a walk but its damn cold outside#and i am so exhausted i cant see straight#i miss my best friend#its wildly unfair that i still care so much about him when i clearly mean nothing to him. not a crumb.#i dont want to be hurt or angry i just want to sleep this nightmare away
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Dread be dreading
#ughg#i usually have awful thoughts randomly popping up here or there#make me pretty anxious for a few days then i won't think about them for a while#but man i can't handle doubts suddenly resurfacing#like this monday i was listening to my last lecture and everything bad i cooked up a in the past few months hit me like a truck#couldn't even focus i was too busy internally chanting shit fuck i don't want this i made a huge mistake shit shit#i won't be able to handle all this responsibility i'm so tired this will butcher my mental health should have chosen media studies fuuuck#what was i thinking what am i gonna do help#then proceeded to distract myself with an electric outlet otherwise i might have started crying#:/#and those thoughts aren't wrong unfortunately#i love this university and the classes and the things i study#the teachers and my classmates and the kids i got to take care of#but i don't think i could do this for real#i'm not even struggling with anything i'm just scared and tired as hell#and thought i could just. power through it- like if i'm stubborn enough it won't matter that it's draining#but damn#and hell originally i came here because i wanted to teach english to kids#i guess my expectations were too high i don't feel like i've learned anything that useful this far#and turns out it won't get better#we just gonna do presentations again#to be fair i loved researching nursery rhymes but i hoped we would have... more. of that#also about media studies. chief... i crave to be there#could have picked the english specialization there too- i'm a moron. a bozo. holy shit#well. gonna go through this semester either way. because again everything i study here (almost everything) is genuinely great and useful#and perhaps i'm just in a Pit right now#the dread pit#should probably break this to my sister. somehow#random squeak
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