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tiens-letters · 3 years ago

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When spring ends, wake me up just like what you would've done all these past years.

When spring ends, kiss me like its the last.

When spring ends and gives way to summer, leave me like always.

When spring ends, may we not meet again.

Diluc Ragnvindr (angst)

Female reader

Leaves drift and fall, it parts ways with its branches yet it is never the final farewell for them. For once a leaf touches the ground, it begins to dry and wilt like all the others and thus returns to soil as nourishment for the tree.

You stare out from within the study of the mansion, the workers busy with the last production of grapes as winter begins to draw closer to Mondstadt. Cooped up with nothing but books and unfinished paper work of the winery, you draw your cardigan closer to compensate for the lack of warmth the room holds. The burning wood in the fireplace has long gone out and so did the steam from your coffee that was made this morning. You never bothered to replace them, thoughts more weighing than such tasks. The clock in corner of the room chimed, indicating the coming of supper yet the harrowing sounds of the pendulum was hypnotizing more so than than the idea of an empty dinner table.

He was busy. You couldn’t blame him for it. His time was precious. It was not his fault for being absent most of the time four years after your happy marriage. It was for the future of the winery and for the both of you. You worry for him.

But you cant help to worry about yourself. The dark under-eyes and fatigued body from days of overworking and waiting for his arrival at night. His presence, which seems to be fading as you go to bed alone and wake up to a messy yet cold sheets in the morning. You know of the things he does after-work and wished you could help him but he refused to let you tag along in case of getting hurt, so then you stayed at home and worried yourself to death. Sometimes it could be small bruise and sometimes, it could be wound to the side. One day, it might be his corpse that arrives at your doorstep.

Faint knocking comes from the door as you tear your eyes away from the documents in your hand. The maids knew you didn’t want to be disturbed when you’re in the study. You sigh and walk over to the door. There stood Moco, a worried look on her face.

“What is it?”

“Madame, its been an half an hour since dinner was served. You should come down and eat.” She timidly says.

“I have no appetite.” Its true, these days you found yourself disliking the idea of food or even consuming any, especially at this time of the day. “You and the others may enjoy dinner by yourselves.”

“But Madame!” Moco retaliates, concern lacing her tone “Everyone is worried that you aren’t eating properly.”

Perhaps you were too engrossed in your thoughts and paper works that you never considered nor payed attention to their worries regarding you. Now that you’ve seen it with open eyes, you felt regretful for not spending time with them as they’ve helped you settle down in this nation and became your friends and subordinates.

“Ah.. It seems Ive crossed the line.” you sigh “I will be joining you all.”

Moco erupts in a fit of joy as she clasps your hand and brings you along like a giddy child. By the time you reach the dining table, you are welcomed by all of the staff. Warmth hit you like a refreshing wave, drenching you in a feeling long forgotten. You wonder then where was this when it was just with Diluc.

And as if they knew what you were feeling but never seemed to voice it out. They comforted you in ways like a family would. Slowly filling up that empty hole in your heart from your own husband’s doings. Small and joyous chatter about everyones day and the clinking of silverware against porcelain resonated throughout the hall. The meal was great, courtesy to adelinde cooking it, one that your tongue is familiar with. A specialty of your husband. Funny how he isn’t even here.

….

You couldn’t sleep at all. No matter how many pages you flip through from the current book you have on your lap or the second mug of sweet milk, nothing, not even the sheeps who were now gone from their pens. Thus you lay under the dim glow of the lantern, alone with your thoughts that seemed to be the other reason that keeps you up, the first reason being that your concern for your husband who still hasn’t returned from his work.

An antsy feeling creeping up your arms then flowing right into your body. Something seemed wrong, like a pull it urged you to leave from the warmth of your bed and into the dimly lit lobby of the house, all maids having gone home or deep in slumber of the cold night.

“Madame.” you still, hand hovering over the door knob. “Where are you going?”

Elzer stood behind you, a coffee mug in his hand, seemingly to have been on a small break from the rushing a few documents here and there.

“I am only going to check on the tavern.”

“This late? Madame its dangerous to go outside at this time of night.” He reasons out, setting his mug down in order to guide you away from the door

“Elzer, perhaps you have forgotten who I am.” you retort, keeping a hushed voice as to not wake the Adelinde

“No I have not Madame. Just like the others, I too am concerned for your well-being.”

“Im just worried about Diluc.” you sigh, pulling the cardigan closer to you “Ill be quick Elzer.”

“Madame..”

“Please.”

Elzer finally gives in and opens the door for you. A little bit of hesitation pulling him back from not letting you go for fear of what might happen.

“Be careful.” is what he could say as he let you go

“Thank you.”

The minutes you estimated to get to the tavern flew by fast without you noticing. Perhaps it was from the worry you had for your husband that had your legs moving faster towards the destination or maybe just the pulling feeling that seemed to grow stronger the moment you reached the door of the tavern. The bustling sounds of the patrons and the amusing serenades of the bards inside washed over you as you stepped through the doorway, eyes searching for a specific hair color in the midst of the crowd only to be met by the same mundane colors. There was no sun during dawn within the sea of earthen colors.

“Madame?” a familiar voice from the counter perks up, rather surprised to see you standing there

“Charles!” You gasp in relief finally seeing a friendly face in the blurry crowd. “Have you seen Diluc?”

“Ah, m’lord must be out back getting ready to get home.” Charles smiles at you as he serves one of the drinks

“Thank you.”

You find him exactly where Charles directed you to albeit not alone. There was someone with him, slender arms around his neck and hands tangled in his hair. So that was the nagging feeling all along, as if your gut wanted you to be right with a wrong situation. He seemed lost in her ways as she led her lips to his and you stood there, a ghostly warmth upon your skin like when he used to caress you whenever he sees you. Slowly that feeling faded, you didn’t chase nor crave it as it only left you with a bitter taste and an knife to your chest.

You wanted to throw up at the thought of you wishing to be in her place, rightful as it is you didn’t know anymore. He loved you right? And yet why? Why did seem like you were simply a past time of his and the woman before him was his true love.

It is quite funny, the feeling of betrayal can give you, it makes you vulnerable and your mind in disarray as every insecurity and negative thought you begin to take in like a black-hole. And so you turned and left, legs leading you down towards the river, you waded in, letting the water creep up your being like a comforting friend, drenching you through and through until it embraced you completely.

“Madame!” Adelinde rushed out from the mansion immediately upon seeing your figure in the pathway leading up to the building. She gasps as soon as she saw how drenched you were, hair sticking to your face and yet you seemed unfazed from the cold with hands around your tummy. A shawl is quickly draped over your body as you were ushered inside by Adelinde and Elzer, who just came out.

“Where’s the master?” Elzer asks you while helping you sit down near the fireplace

“I must’ve missed him on the way here.” you manage a wry chuckle. Adelinde having gone to draw you a bath, you focus on the warmth of the fire, though it didn’t seem to reach you

“Madame, you should be careful.” sighs Elzer “Travelling by water wont do you well in that state.”

“I thought Diluc was home so I used it.”

“Please promise me you won’t do that for now Madame. We’re all worried about you.”

“The bath is ready.” Adelinde emerges from the balcony, Elzer helps you once again and escorts you upstairs where Adelinde is waiting.

“Thank you.” you nod at both of them, grateful to have people like them at your side. Elzer left to continue a few remaining papers as Adelinde still gave you a skeptical look

“You should rest now Addie. Ill be fine.”

Shame that you were gone the next day with only your wedding ring atop your pillow and no luggage. Nobody noticed that you turned towards the river once again just when dawn was coming and let it take you back to your home far beyond the mountains.

…

Diluc walked home, the crisp morning air sharp against his lungs. It was truly getting colder, winter just by his doorstep. He wishes he were home faster, warm beside the hearth with nothing but a warm drink in hand and peace of the weekend.

He wonders if you were still in the study, holed up with the rest of the documents he nor Elzer could finish. Perhaps by the window gazing out into the winery, awaiting him like you do every day when he leaves for work. Or maybe still sound asleep in your shared bed, covers drawn to your body that made you look small from view.

He walks up the steps and into the patio,

“Master Diluc!” Moco who came from the side of the mansion saw him

“What is it?” he asks her, noting her haggard appearance, her outfit seemed hurriedly put on and her hair, untamed.

“The Madame! Oh archons…” she cries unable to bring out the rest of her words. Diluc takes the initiative to usher the trembling girl inside, only the be met by two other people inside the Mansion who seem to be in a frenzy of words

“What’s going on here?”

“Master! You finally arrived.” Elzer gasps in relief,

Diluc confused as to why the house was in uproar. Had there been a break in? A problem in the documents? Or had you fallen ill? He did not know.

“We could not find the Madame.”

“What do you mean you could not find her?”

“When I was about to wake her up this morning for breakfast, she was not in the bedroom. I tried checking the study as well and the rest of the rooms but she was nowhere to be found.” Adelinde states, her hands begin fiddling with each other, a mannerism she does whenever she’s extremely worried.

“Did you not see her last night at all?” Elzer questions the wine tycoon who stood before them

“No…” Diluc grew worried

“She went looking for you when you didn’t come home and with no luck. So she came back home, drenched from travelling by water. Last night was the last we’ve seen her.” concerned gazes were set on Diluc as if demanding an answer from him, which he didn’t have.

“T-this was the only thing we found of hers,” Adelinde hands him over the twin symbol of the band around his finger, albeit smaller for it was fitted over slimmer digit than his “Nothing else was taken, as if she were simply gone.”

The crimson haired man stared at the ring upon his palm, he envisioned it burning a hole into his flesh the more he looked at it. Something weighted within, heavy and suffocating.

“What time did she leave to find me?”

“Midnight.” He stumbled for a bit, eyes wide-blown in utter shock. All the voices were drowned out as he helped himself up the stairs and into the bedroom where you slept, or did your head really touch the pillow before leaving?

The color in his face has left him and so did the energy in his body. So he sat on the bedroom floor, the muddy, dirty feeling creeping up his neck and strangling him. Like a noose around his neck, he gagged at the wretched feeling all the while the rush of memories from last night with a woman he did not even know the name of came flooding in like a merciless river. He let her kiss him, touch him, things only you, his wife is entitled to.

His feet carries him into the bathroom, hands immediately working to remove his upper clothing, once it was shed, he began to scrub himself as if ridden with muck and grime. He scrubs and scrubs and scrubs until his pale skin turned red from the abuse. It wasn’t enough to get rid of last night’s conscious mistake.

oh archons… just what has he done.

How could he have let such a thing happen? Was it the frustration from work? The loneliness from being apart? His other role? All the problems seemed to trickle down and drown him.

And he simply, so pathetically let it happen.

A sinner looked at him through the foggy mirror.

Winter came and began to make its home, not bothering to knock or introduce itself. The days will become longer now and he, alone, frozen in the lake of regret and disgust for himself.

He tries to think of any way, anything that can absolve what happened, he ponders and ponders all the while standing amid mess of his thoughts yet nothing could his mind offer to bring him closer to salvation. He so wanted to find you right then and there but after that? If he does then what? What explanation can he possibly offer to you? What can he say to fix your shattered heart, a result from his foolish mistake.

Pathetic little phoenix, burning himself with a flame he himself conjured up.

…

The passing of days, turned into a month and then three, where white covered all in its unforgiving softness. You find yourself by your favorite spot, plush pillows on the window seat overlooking the vast lake in front, warm cocoa in hand and bundled up in the coziest clothes you have. The peace of things as of now has made it easier for you to deal with your thoughts and emotions, the memory of his infidelity, his neglect towards you, all of it dancing at the palm of your hand.

What about the rest? The people you left behind? How did they take it? And what…

What about him?

You shut your eyes, willing yourself not to remember his face from that night, instead you let yourself remember who he was before the mistakes. A quiet, serious man who didn’t seem to stop and care about others and yet it was simply a facade to bury who he truly was. Though clumsy, he learned a thing or two about an emotion he thought was lost in the storm of his anger. He was awkwardly sweet during your younger days, to think that the current Master of the wine dynasty managed to fall so deep in love with someone from a neighboring nation.

You were one of Fontaine’s diplomats at that time, with an eye for curiosity and knowledge, you wanted to know about how they brew their wines in Mond. Expecting to meet the Master on a mundane day at the winery was impossible for he had other tasks to do somewhere else regarding the shipment. However, fate always had a way for things that are meant to be, it was one final stroll through the streets of Mondstadt at night that you met him, well stumbled into each other at one of the private spots in the city, he was injured, though not life-threatening as he claimed it to be. You nursed his wound then and there after a small scuffle initiated by the stubborn man.

You smile to yourself at how surprised he was that day. Eyes like rubies, gazed at you through the mask as if he were a little bird in a cage. If only time could turn back to the way things were before he started to get busy, maybe then things wouldn’t have taken a turn for the worse.

‘I missed who you were before the world turned to ashes and yet I could feel your touch just like yesterday we held each other beneath the dying light of the sun. The hymns from the violin at dawn when you couldn’t think of anything but blame on your self for sins that were never yours.

I miss you. My dear, my love, where have you gone…’

Shaky hands let the quill fall, you could not continue to write no longer as the heartbreak, still fresh on your mind, the testament drying on the parchment before you. It was as if your heart was being laid out once again and stabbed over and over by you, yourself.

You shake your head, you had to or it would end up creating a bigger rift in both of your hearts.

A fresh parchment, a brief letter and ink stained fingers, only then did you manage to finish it.

…

‘divorce..’ he hoped it was joke, just a cruel joke from you who he has not seen for three months, but the parchment he held tightly in his hand proved otherwise. It was truly your handwriting, pristine and neat, not even a smudge of ink was seen, it was as if you knew what to write . He trembles as the words overlaps over and over in his head, breath coming out in short gasps as an incoming torrent of emotions dawns upon him. One trickle and then two until a river of water crystals fell from his tired eyes. Hiccups rise from his throat as he tries to stifle them, for fear that they would hear him again. Just like the past days wherein he would just break and shed tears because of his mistake, he did not want them to witness his vulnerability once again. He did not want their pity nor their concern for this was a sin he brought upon himself. They did not deserve any of which that he is showing towards the inanimate, the walls, the books, the table, the chairs and the rest of what was in the cold room with him. They were his company at this point, no one else knew exactly why you left or why the master was rarely seen around and outside the mansion.

Spots begin to dance in his vision as fatigue began to settle in his bones, from days of not having eaten properly to the nights where he could not sleep and only played the violin until his fingers bled and shook from the abuse. Distractions were all he had and they were running thin, soon he occupied himself with day dreaming, fantasizing about how things would’ve been if he were more attentive, loving like he was before, less workaholic and had come home in time to have dinner with you, maybe then such a night where the final straw wouldnt have broken the camel’s back then he would still wake up with you beside him.

He tries so hard to fight against the drowsiness, and as always, fails for his body could not bear anymore time awake. Maybe it was mercy that he was being spared at the moment because if his eyes were open a little longer then his heart would have completely shattered and maybe, it was cruelty that his body has shutdown, hoping not to wake up for a long time.

He preferred the former.

Why? He wanted himself to be reminded in every moment, every second, every hour of the day that it was his foolish fault, which could never reverse to correct. What’s done is done and he had to swallow such a truth down his clogged throat. He let himself choke on that feeling as punishment and yet he still wished, though it was a small flame, he still kept it alight amid the howling storm, that maybe you would come back and speak to him or maybe, at least a small glimpse of you would be enough to satiate his rapidly growing loneliness.

“ ..forgive me.” with a tear stricken face, he unceremoniously lays his head upon the carpeted floor, your letter still enclosed by his bloody bandaged fingers.

…

A few companions were enough for you to last through the winter when all else is freezing, their warmth sufficient enough to not let your heart fall into despair once again. You sat by the hearth, bundled up in a quilt as you listened to your elated elder brother who had just come home from his work at the capital. He spoke about boundless ideas of trade and then suddenly jumping to the meaning of every artwork he has ever come across in his journeys, some he would bring home to his ever growing collection. In a room full of historical past and vivid stories of inspiration, passion and reality, you slowly built yourself from the ruins of heartbreak. Though not every time you make it to the next step, you still manage and you were proud of it.

A small knock comes from the door cutting off your conversation.

“At this time of the night?”

“I’m not expecting anyone right now.” your brother looks at the door with annoyance

“Neither am I.” you stand with the support from his outstretched arm and approach the door

There was only one other person who is in possession of the house keys and to have come this far into the home.

“Alberich.” your brother rolls his eyes upon seeing the man who made himself at home again, he lost count for how long this man has been going in and out of the house for many years now.

“Still calling me that even when we’ve known each other for years.” Kaeya chuckles “You wound me.”

“Oh I would very much like to do so.” the older male glares at him

You simply shake your head at their banter and walk back to the couch to enjoy the short entertainment. It wasn’t always this lively and you were thankful Kaeya came to visit.

“What brings you here this early Kae?” you ask the male, setting down your teacup on the table

“I came to visit that’s all.” he replies but kept looking around, thumbs twiddling unconsciously atop his lap

“Liar.” scoffs your brother “You twiddle your thumbs when you’re withholding information.”

He did have that kind of habit though only in front of those he is close with, to the rest, he can easily lie like it was drinking wine.

“And here I thought I can prolong it as possible,” sighs the dark haired man

“Its fine Kae.” you tell him but part of you dreads what he might say

“Adelinde came to me the other day, she told me how things were back in uhh, that place, she told me about him..” Kaeya starts, “ and I hate to admit it, but he is not doing well after you left. I have not even seen him step foot out of the mansion. She begged me you know… to ask you for one last favor as her Lady and friend. To see him at least once more before separating completely.”

“Hah! I bet he told her to do that.” your brother had his own thoughts towards Diluc, this much was only the beginning of voicing finally them out. His seen the times you were happy with him but the ache in the recent year was the fuel to the regret of letting you marry such a man. What could he even do anyway when you loved him so, instead, he put his trust, albeit unwillingly towards the man.

‘ Make her happy ‘ he wanted to strangle his past self for saying that on the day the man knelt and slipped a ring on your finger.

He looks at you now, his beloved sister, whom he took care of when your parents were extremely busy, kept her happy as possible while in the middle of maintaining the household and its related businesses. If he can do all those things while caring for you then why? Why cant Diluc be the same as he expected for someone you are to be betrothed to.

“But its Addie,” your small voice makes it past your lips “She does not lie about things like that. He.. he must be truly in suffering to have her in a situation where she begs.”

“Tell me this sister, if he is truly suffering as that woman says then does he not deserve every second of it? Does he not deserve to wallow in grief and regret? Im sure Alberich agrees with me too.”

You knew your brother is right. He took the words that have been in the deepest part of your mind, brought them out into the world and it scared you how true it is. That such a sin could deal eternity’s consequences. He truly did deserve what he did to you.

“But,” why did your tongue want to argue against your mind. It is only right to have him feel the gravity of it.

“Please don’t tell me you still want to see him.” the man you who mirrors your looks holds your hands in his, in a way he wants you to reconsider your plans of going. He knows you very well, that older brother of yours.

“You are way too kind.”

Even as kids, you were too kind to those who are hurt, even when they’ve hurt you, because you would argue there was always a heavier reason behind their actions. Nikolaj, always had to be there to remind you that your tolerance would get you hurt one day. And this moment only proves it. But that little child grew up into a fine young woman, who’s kindness was chipped away by neglect and agony towards feelings that still tormented her of the man whom she vowed to stand beside to. She saw how right Nikolaj was.

“When spring comes,” you shakily sigh, seeking comfort in your brother’s warmth “I will go and see him and end it there once and for all.”

“Alright, you may do that.” he nods yet still skeptical about how things may turn out “We will leave in three days. Now get some rest.”

After escorting you to your room and bidding you good night, the men head down once again to the library.

“Don’t you have work to do?”

“My sister matters more and I’d like a chance to wring that bastard’s neck and burn his corpse and his house altogether.”

“That’s rather dark, Nik.” snickers Kaeya as he pours himself a glass of wine

“Would you rather stand in his place then?” the older man glares at the cavalry captain

“I would love to continue drinking for the rest of my life, thank you very much.”

“Thought so.”

…

You did not think you’d be back this early, when eternity was what you wanted to be away from both the painful and happy memories. They were all in the past and you being in Mondstadt right is a sign to the end of things. Of letting go of the things you used to cherish, the people, the sights, the little trinkets down the market. It is being free from shackles you did not think had already bound you during the days of neglect and the cold nights of you falling asleep alone without the embrace of the other.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” your concerned brother escorted you through the steps with Kaeya flanking your other side. They insisted in seeing the whole ordeal themselves beside you and maybe chance a hit at the man who made you cry.

“We can still turn around if you want to.”

“Nik, were already here.” part of you wanted to tell him you want to go back and the other part argues for you to stand your ground and enter the Phoenix’s next.

“I just wanted to ask.” he sighs

Adelinde came rushing out at once and met you half-way, engulfing you in a hug. It felt like one that friends would share after being separated by the weekend. But she knows, oh she knows how things will be once you’ve stepped foot inside the mansion. She made sure to let the girls have a week off as to not add more pressure to the situation. Only her and Elzer remained beside the young master who was cooped up in his room.

“We missed you my lady!” Adelinde exclaims in relief as she steps away “Please do come in, you must be tired.”

“Adie, please address me comfortably starting from today.” you tell her, soft smile painted on your lips

“Of course…” she saw you were ready to let him go, that tranquil smile of yours was more than enough for her to be reassured that you will be alright. She escorted you inside, part of her praying that things will go right so that no one will be hurt further than they have already been.

“I’ll go with you.”

“I will be alright brother.”

So this was it, this is where you cut ties with him. To forget the memories that kept you awake at night locked away into the very far and abandoned room of your memory palace. To truly let go of the thread that you have been holding onto, to not foolishly ask for change.

But if the man you once loved, that when you turn the knob and push open the door, step inside and find him, whom you wished to be home, wished to look at you the same way, to hold you, to find his lips on your again in a soft, longing dance of lovers torn apart. What then? What will you do?

That is what your heart keeps asking, what if’s on the side that you wanted to see.

Your knuckles softy landing three knocks on the door, as the other hand turns the key which Adelinde has given you prior to ascending the stairs. Stating that the master always keeps the room locked, whether he is inside or working outside which rarely happens now.

“Diluc, its me.” you call out softly as you enter into the room.

It was quite the mess, as if someone had left the windows open and let the wind have its way with the things within. Papers were strewn about, some being more important than the rest, a few books opened, some facing down were around the room, and what shocks you more was not the furnitures untidy or the curtains drawn, it was the broken violin on the floor, whose strings were snapped in half and body shattered along with its bow.

He loved keeping things neat and in order, more so, playing the violin.

He was passionate about playing, even when he does not show it at times, you would catch him playing in his study on nights where he thinks you were in deep sleep, but when he would play in front of you. Oh it was like heaven, the compositions were all dedicated to you, his love, his wife.

Seeing the violin his father gifted him was also seeing him lose his fervor and somehow discarding his memory of the late master.

The man in question lay in bed, unmoving and his back turned to you. His crimson messy hair splayed out behind it, reminding you of lava from Natlan’s many volcanoes. Your body moves itself, not wanting to wait another second. The mattress beside him sinks with your weight, he doesn’t move nor stir from his slumber. You took notice of his fingers, bloody and bandaged as if no one bothered to clean or at least change the bandage, taking it upon yourself to clean and change. He played until they bled, and played and played again until his hands gave up on him. Perhaps it was then that he was frustrated that he could not let out anymore of his agony that he destroyed it.

You almost forgot how his hands fit your perfectly, until your gaze finds his tired eyes, they looked terrifyingly empty.

“Diluc?” you pray your voice would be steady throughout the talk

“Are you truly here?” yet his eyes remained the same. Defeated. It seemed like he was accepting it, reality or not, as long as he can see you

“I am.” you wouldn’t dare ask how he is doing, as the evidence is apparent by the looks of his degraded physique and the state of the room

“I pray to celestia above that I may never wake up from this dream…” At least then he can properly apologize for all the short comings he has committed.

A sharp pang of pity strikes your heart upon hearing his words, he was still walking in a dream.

Awake but not himself. Just how far has he gone into his mind that he is now a shell who cannot distinguish reality from fantasy.

“It is not a dream Diluc.” you tell him, hands gingerly moving stray strand of unruly hair away from his face “I am here as much as you are before me.”

“Then the letter…” right, there was your letter from a month ago “It’s true?”

“I’m afraid so.”

‘ah, so it has truly has come to this point.’ Diluc still wishfully prayed that it wasn’t true, even in the end he wanted things to be as they are but it has already went past the tipping point of the scales. It is where salvation was out of reach, out of question, where there is nothing but suffering at the end of the line.

He reaches out to you, scarred calloused hands on your much delicate ones, a gentle but shaky grip, you forgot how it felt like, that skin upon yours. If only he did this back then, maybe you would have reconsidered. But all is for naught now. You had to swallow down any pity there is, numb yourself of any compassion for this man, and cease to love him only for this moment.

“I’m so sorry darling. I’m sorry. I truly am.” darling, its meaning already lost in the storm, he weeps into your palms, fingers catching salty warm beads of regret as you simply stared ahead, you let him cry whatever tears there is left in him, his mouth repeating the same words over and over again until his voice gave up on him too, a result from the days he confessed his sins to the moon and stars above, praying that he may be pardoned and have you come back to him.

You tried your best not to let slip a few tears, but his sorrow reached you as well and you began to let them fall down your cheek as you stayed in that position until it became silent, with only a few sniffles here and there. It was like back then, where he mourned his father’s death, only that things were different, he was mourning someone alive, someone he loved with all his heart, someone he neglected, someone he betrayed, and still love. He mourned someone who is now leaving him, never to return nor to see him. His heart was torn to pieces and never had he imagined it would hurt to this degree, is only he was a better husband, a better man, someone his father would be proud of but now? It was a truly pathetic sight.

“Are you alright now?” what a foolish question, none of which at the moment is fine

“How can I be? Now that I would not see you anymore for the rest of my life.” Diluc replies, hoarse voice passing through his chapped lips “You are to leave me and I could not do anything about it, I could only watch as you return to your homeland, miles away from me. But if there is a chance of me being able to offer you what I have left, will you take it?”

“Even if we try again, all we would see will be reflected back to us are the mistakes of the past. No matter how much we cover it up, we will always be reminded of what we lack as human beings. You see Diluc, we’ve passed that point already, from the time I waited for you at the dinner table, I could not confront you as you were missing from me, and then to your neglect,” You drawn in a shaky breath as you look away from him “and that night… I didn’t know my heart would break that further. I could not even pick up the pieces of myself within the months we are not together.”

That was how much he hurt you, Diluc had no more tears left to cry, he could only stare, to helplessly look at the person he cherished turn to ash because of his scorching flames. You didn’t look at him and he wished you would, maybe to just show him more of what torment he deserved when he sees your face. He thumbs the ring on his finger that seemed to dig into his skin, he remembers taking it off one time during work and forgot to put it back, and when you left on the same night he broke you, he put it on, clinging to it as he himself, tore his heart out as well.

A mark of where your wedding ring once sat stayed on your bare hands, he wanted to slip your ring unto them again like he did before but it was only a stupid wish.

You wait for him to speak, to say something in retaliation but only silence greeted you. Shaking your head, you stand up, taking your time to reach the door, as if you were giving him time to call out to you and when he did not, you opened the door

“Please sign the papers, Mr. Ragnvindr.”

...

Nikolaj was already waiting for you at the bottom of the staircase, his hand outstretched to meet yours as he helped you towards the couch. He kneels before you, the kind and concern gaze affixed on your own solemn ones.

“Will he sign it?” he asks you, fingers running over the back of your hand, a habit he still kept from your childhood days. You shook your head in response, which made him stop in his ministrations “I see. So he wants the hard way.”

“Brother please, give him a bit more time.” you sigh, it was your turn to run your fingers over the back of his hand,

“Time? How much more time do we need to wait for you to be free from this foolish marriage sister? He does not deserve the luxury of time, if he wont sign it, I’ll make him do so.” your brother was already furious but for your sake, he tries to stop himself from marching up to the second floor and drag the man inside to sign the papers with force.

“ I don’t think you’d have to waste your energy going up there, Nik.” Kaeya’s airy voice chimes in, his eyes directed to the stairs where the man in question stood, his hand holding onto the railing to support his body.

Your brother turns and in a few seconds his hands were around the man’s collar. Face a few inches away from the other.

“So you finally decided to show yourself you bastard.” sneers your brother at the man whose eyes were downcast towards the floor, he did not fight it and let the other man scream bloody murder into his face.

All the profanities, he’ll take it.

The insults, he’ll endure.

Even if it wounds him even further, he’ll have to swallow how will to fight back.

A hit or two would be alright as well.

He deserved it anyway.

“I’m sorry…” is what comes out of his mouth, angering your brother even further who is now being held back by you, Kaeya not wanting to help because he too wanted Diluc to know how much he is losing right now

“Is that all you can say?!” you try your best to hold him back from lunging at your husband again “After all that you did, you only say a stupid phrase that can’t undo anything you did to her. How about just sign the damn papers Ragnvindr, that way we can see that you are truly sorry.”

Ah, fate must truly hate him.

“Ill do it.” Diluc manages to say despite the twisting in his chest “Ill sign the papers… but please, give me a week with her. That’s all ill ask for.”

“Where did you have the guts to even ask for such a thing?!” he know he shouldn’t have but he wanted to at least give a little more of himself before truly letting you leave him

He was still selfish until the end.

You didn’t know what to feel, was it relief that finally he is willing to let you go or the sorrow your heart feels to finally see things end with him. It was a mix, a maelstrom of emotions.

“Just for a week. Ill do what you want after.” the defeated redhead says again

“Unbelievable.” scoffs your brother before turning to you “Can we speak outside?”

You give him a nod as he changes tune and leads you to the door carefully leaving Kaeya and Diluc alone.

“You sure have grown up to be the worst, Master Diluc.” Kaeya sighs as he leaves as well for a different room, not wanting to be alone with the other, any longer than that he might forget to hold his tongue back into spewing out more venom.

Having settled down outside on one of the benches, you turn towards your brother

“I think ill be extending my stay here for seven days.”

“Are you serious? That man betrayed you, neglected you and touched another woman and you want to take up on his offer?!”

“It seems to be the right thing to do, after all, I too, have not settled this properly when I should have on the day I saw him behind the tavern with someone else.” you tell him,

“You.. you’re just to kind sister.” you catch the distress swimming in his eyes as he holds your hands, he truly wanted to take you away in an instant. To hide you away and just show you the good parts of life. He reminisced the old days wherein he would take you to places, despite the protest of your parents, as long as you can smile again he is willing to take any methods just to keep you happy.

“But then, I understand “ even if he didn’t want to “ It always falls on your decision and I will respect that as your brother. So go, do what you must and come back home with happiness and peace in your heart sister.”

He truly would do anything.

He let you go for the last time, just like on your wedding day when he walked you down the altar. At least this time, it was different. You wont get hurt anymore.

…

So it began, a week of goodbyes, seven days of letting go all the while being in each others presence. You had requested a separate room to which Diluc heeded to, albeit hesitantly. The first night wasn’t easy, despite having your brother in the opposite room. The feeling of that night did not leave your chest, it stayed with you until you woke up, stifling as ever.

He was there by the stairs, neat but still dashing as if it were just yesterday. A bouquet of your favorite flowers in his trembling hand, you did not know whether it was from nervousness or the urgent need to hold you.

He smiled and told you good morning.

And you accept them, the smell bringing back nostalgic memories from when things weren’t ruined. You engage in small, nothing more, once again getting used to his presence and so is he.

Lunch and dinner passed by like a breeze, you occupied with talking walks outside and Diluc catching up on paper work but making time to accompany you, much to your brother’s annoyance.

Before turning in, he told you good night.

The second day and the third were the same, except for the short glances your way and the small gestures he would like opening doors for you or brushing a stray strand away from your face. Your brother reluctantly went back to fontaine due to business affairs, leaving Kaeya with you.

The fourth day was full of serenity, strolling side by side at windrise, the breeze cool upon your skin, both of you were fluent in the language of silence at that moment. Simply savoring the experience that you both will never get again.

And on the fifth day, he initiates that you both hold hands, though in a timid way. Just like how the both of you were starting out as a couple. His hands were warm just as you have remembered. Shame you were to part soon, it even fit perfectly.

The sixth day, Diluc became ab bit more bold, a bit more selfish in his requests.

“May I kiss you?”

When in reality he wanted to tell you that he misses you so much, his tongue betrayed him

“If you feel uncomfortable, I wont pry any further.”

Lost for words, you could only nod at his request. He too, was surprised you agreed to it. Slowly, he leans in, taking his time as he brings his hand up to your face, caressing it like you were the last precious thing on teyvat. Lips met and brushed against each other, it was like a dance of longing and love. So much unsaid promises, words that neither of you could convey to each other. It was slow, languid, no one was rushing, only savoring the moment of two sorrowful souls.

You both pull away, forehead against each other.

“Thank you.” he tearfully whispers

The seventh day was torture, you both finally sat down to speak. To talk about things in your relationship, your falling out, and also the memories you both shared throughout the years. It was like re-painting a masterpiece of the times, and leaving it as that and on display in the untouched parts of the mind. That was how it was going to be, how you will leave it to be. To finally move on to another larger canvas as individuals and not partners. The talk was drawn into the night, somewhere within the hours you both shed tears, or held hands in silence.

And then morning came, the sun coming up to remind Diluc that he was going to be alone again and to see the light but not the warmth anymore about this part of life. To you the sun was like a beacon, its rising is a new beginning to you.

“I guess this is where we end Diluc.” you look back at him, he who stood frozen by the door, the divorce papers already signed and submitted. You felt free.

“I love you.” he tells you in a way that I was a good bye and a reminder

“I know.” you lips pulled into a gentle smile, “Thank you for loving me Diluc, before and for this seven days.”

“I love you…” stray tears cascade down his face, pathetic really

“Good bye Diluc, I pray to celestia for your happiness.” you forgave him, with a last kiss to his cheek which he accepts, you step back and turn towards the road. Kaeya already waiting at the bottom of the steps.

And just like that Diluc watched as your figure get smaller and smaller into the horizon until you were truly gone from his life.

If rebirth was real then he prays that he may find you again and to become a better lover than he was in this present life.

…

“Are you sure you don’t feel tired?” Kaeya asks you once again as he sits across you from the train.

“Not at all, Kae.” you assure him, hand rubbing your swollen belly.

“I don’t want to be strangled by your brother if something were to happen to you and your child.”

That’s right, you were with child.

You were home when spring ended.

…

"and she doesnt look for him?"

you look at the man leaning against the door. The only other person you’ve confided in after the painful separation. The news of your pregnancy was only known by Adelinde, no one else knew about it, not even Diluc. For you were hesitant to tell him as he was always buried in work. So you kept it a secret, that is until that night. The first month was difficult, having to deal with your now ex-husband’s neglect and betrayal, you had to stay strong for your child. So you persevered through the ache in your chest. Nikolaj, your brother soon found out after witnessing the many times you would feel queasy around strong smelling foods and morning sickness. You had no choice but to come clean to him and he accepted it, despite the anger he felt towards the father, he was ecstatic in meeting his little niece. Soon, Kaeya knew about it, after his second visit in your home. He visited often, bringing small gifts for the child and for you.

"At night." you stop, the truth weighing heavy on your tongue like lead.

There were times your daughter would mumble about her father, a man whose existence you've hid her from life for 3 years now, your darling daughter at the sweet age of three began to babble about where her father was and why is it only the blue haired uncle who comes by every month to kiss her on the cheek is the man she ever sees.

Home teaching saved her from the scorn of her classmates who’s parents were still happily married unlike you but that did not mean you weren’t happy with the life you are leading right now with the help of your brother and Kaeya. You had built a tranquil and happy life for her and you were satisfied with that.

"She looks for him and she whispers to me everytime I close her little story book ‘mommy why dont I have a daddy like Fayette?’ and you know what I tell her?"

"You dont need to tell me you know." kaeya sighs, lifting his body off the door, coming near to put a hand on your back to comfort you.

"I tell her ‘Leia, your father is somewhere far-away. He cannot see us.’, but Im simply lying to myself and to her. I just don’t want him to see her, am I a bad mother Kae?”

“That does not make you a bad mother in any way. You just want what’s best for her, you’re protecting her from the truth of what he did. ” Kaeya tells you, his hand still resting on your back “Don’t doubt yourself.”

“Wait, Don’t you have work in Mond?” feeling a bit better now you close your daughter’s door

“But its my vacation.”

“Vacation my foot, you snuck away didn’t you? I could only imagine Jean overworking herself more with the work you left behind.” you chided him

“My my, you know me so well.” he chuckles “Alright, ill go back tomorrow before Nik kicks me out himself.”

“You better.”

…

Diluc rises from him unfulfilling slumber, bed hair sticking out of place, he did not consider brushing them down.

Because you werent there. It never felt the same.A knock from the door came as soon as he stepped out of the bedroom. Excited noises were heard from the lobby of the mansion. It was never that lively around here. He wonders then what could have caused a racket this morning. From the balcony he sees a figure he's never seen in a few years. Perhaps from his detachment from the outside, the only routine of work and dark knight duties.

Kaeya Alberich, his adoptive brother stood amidst the maids who were fawning over a small moving bundle in his arms.

Moving?

Only until he descended did he see what was the center of attention. A child securely curled up in the man's arms. Wavy flaming red hair peaked out from the blue bonnet as the child tried to nuzzle closer to Kaeya and away from the fussing maids.

It felt like an eternity just simply standing there and looking at the toddler.

"And youre not going to say anything." Kaeya scoffs from across the bewildered Diluc "Typical."

Adelinde having sensed the atmosphere, ushered the rest of the maids away and out of sight leaving the rest to their own privacy. The look on Diluc's face says it all, though in a maelstorm of emotions, it is clearly seen how much he wanted to ask and yet nothing came out of his mouth.

"uncle kya?" coos the small child , comfortable in the now silent lobby of the mansion.

"hey sweetheart." kaeya smiles down at child, tucking a strand of hair back into her bonnet "I want you to meet someone okay?"

"New friend?" Diluc watches the exchange with a breaking heart, with each word the child says, pieces begin to crash in his ribcage. He wanted to introduce himself so badly but held back despite the shaking need in his hands to hold her and tell her who he is. He just knows but is still in disbelief. You hid her so well after all.

"Its your father, little one ." Kaeya tried to hold back the poison that pooled in his mouth for the sake of your child whom you've sent with him to meet Diluc after a long consideration that maybe she should meet him, seeing as you can never commit yourself to even meet him anymore, you asked Kaeya to take her with him as he goes back to Mond for work and against the wishes of your brother. You also were busy with work that you took it as an opportunity to let her go. She was alright with going with Kaeya and only kicking up a bit of fuss about why you are not going with her, you explained why she couldn’t go and she understood it quite well despite being only five years old.

"I have a daddy?" she blinks up at kaeya and then to the man in front of them who looks so lost and simply broken.

"yeah," the male nods "unfortunately."

Kaeya sets the little girl down on the carpeted floor, tiny figure wobbling a bit from the action. "Go on kid."

"He looks like me."

"he does, sweetie." though he wanted to tell her otherwise. How could she not resemble the man before her. Even you saw how she inherited a few characteristics of him.

She hides half of her tiny head behind the snow bunny toy as she walks forwards slowly towards Diluc who shakily kneels down as to not intimidate her.

"H-hey," Diluc doesnt even know where to start, as if his voice has left him and seized his brain to do nothing but look at her, the child he does not have any knowledge of until now.

Those big eyes stared at him, a replica of yours. Does he even deserve to look at them after all these years?

"Hi..." quiet voice making past her lips,

What a shy little thing

"I... Uhh" does he even deserve to talk to her "Whats your name?"

"lei," she tells him, then raises the stuffed toy in her hand "this is rosie."

"Its Soleia. " Kaeya interjects from behind

"Soleia..." he tests the name out on his tongue, "Its beautiful."

He did not realize that the dams began to break as tears cascaded down his face, it has been long since he had shed a tear. The ache in his chest began to make itself known at the thought of you being alone to give birth to such a wonderful child. How absent he was in the years she grew up in fontaine. He does not blame you at all for keeping her from him, even he himself thinks that he was not ready.

"Daddy..." he feels her small hand trying to cup his face " no cry."

How precious it is, to finally find something to lead the light when he thought it has been snuffed out years ago. He looks at his child, a little girl just reaching up to his knees comfort him, he feels serene and happy to have met her. Never in his life did he think he would have anything such endearing as this, something that he’d want to protect and to just spoil rotten. Your daughter stayed there for three days, taking care of her alongside Adelinde and Kaeya always scolding him about what to do and not to do. He learns a lot, though clumsy most of the time as he was truly lost on how to take care of her, he tries and tries to make her happy.

Once again, he finds happiness bloom in his heart. He just simply melts seeing her say dad.

He swears on his life and on celestia that he will do right by her. It was his second chance and he will not ruin it.

Have some doodles of Diluc and the kid lol

I suck at anatomy

oops, forgot about this one too :P

#diluc #diluc angst #diluc x reader #diluc imagines #genshin impact #diluc genshin impact #genshin impact angst #diluc ragnvindr #diluc ragnivindr x reader #diluc ragnvindr angst

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lebenspurpur · 3 years ago

Text

headcannons that just make sense

|Michael|

⇝ Michael loves children. He wouldn't want any himself but he enjoys watching them since Michael loves their natural lively imagination.

⇝ He loves candy, especially gummies and candy corn.

⇝ Michael enjoys reading. He is a quiet person and very intelligent. Reading is one of his favorite hobbies to gain knowledge.

⇝ Michael definitely broke through the floor in the old Myer's house before.

⇝ Michael likes cats, surprisingly. He doesn't understand the idea of pets but cats are so independent and quiet. He tries to copy their moves a lot.

⇝ This man literally doesn't have an ounce of social intelligence. Small talk with him would be so uncomfortable and awkward. He doesn't know how it works.

|Vincent|

⇝ Vincent is stronger than Bo.

⇝ He secretly despises the mask. His mom technically made it for him to make Vincent understand that he looks like a freak. He wishes he'd be more confident and could live without it.

⇝ Vincent loves Bo with all his heart even if he's a narcissistic asshole.

⇝ Vincent is scared for Lester a lot. Since he's younger Vincent wants to protect him.

⇝ Vincent wants to learn an instrument. Piano would be his favorite but violins are a close second place.

⇝ Vincent secretly adores being with both of his brothers, even if one bullies him and the other one reeks.

⇝ Vincent doesn't like his father. They never had a close relationship.

⇝ The things Vincent has done for the aesthetic of them... God..

|Bo|

⇝ Bo would actually sacrifice himself for both of his brothers.

⇝ He feels bad about treating Vincent like he does but his pride is too big for him to apologize.

⇝ Bo doesn't actually know how to repair cars but he's learning.

⇝ Bo wishes he could draw like Vincent.

⇝ He is very lonely sometimes, alcohol is his best friend in these times. He's high-key alcoholic.

⇝ Bo was the child in elementary school that brought a knife to class.

⇝ He had a teacher that realized his abuse and subsequent aggression. She protected him and he saw her like a mother.

⇝ Bo sometimes wants to leave Ambrose and just discover what lays beyond his beloved America.

|Lester|

⇝ Lester loves Halloween, he makes the twins go trick or treating with him. Since nobody opens the door (what a surprise), he buys candy himself and places filled bowls all over town.

⇝ Lester has a very close relationship with Vincent. He stands up for him when Bo gets too harsh.

⇝ As a child he used to sleep in Vincent's bed when he had a nightmare.

⇝ Lester believes in true love which is absolutely adorable.

⇝ Lester has had emotional deep talks with his dog, Jonesy.

⇝ Lester was the child that actually loved his parents, he misses them a lot.

⇝ He used to run to the forest and looked for fairies and goblins as a child.

⇝ Lester likes to watch Vincent draw, it calms him when he's stressed.

|Otis|

⇝ Otis would never tell them but he loves his adoptive family, the Firefly family, so much.

⇝ He's sure that if they hadn't found him he'd be dead by now. Either because of drugs or suicide.

⇝ Otis secretly wants a dog.

⇝ He is very intelligent and if he tries he can actually be impressive when it comes to stating his opinions and beliefs.

⇝ Otis daydreams daily how his life would've worked out if he was "normal".

⇝ He overthinks his actions a lot. He doesn't feel bad about them but he analyzes the mistakes so they won't happen again.

|Baby|

⇝ Baby has had days where she just laid in bed and cried. She isn't always as happy as everyone believes.

⇝ Baby was very insecure about her body as a teenager. The other girls bullied her which led to quickly decreasing confidence.

⇝ Baby is very glad to have Otis as a brother, he's her ultimate idol.

⇝ Baby is scared by horror movies. She's not squeamish but she gets scared easily, especially when the subject's demons or supernatural horror.

⇝ Baby fell in love with a girl in her school once. Unfortunately it was a bully of hers.

⇝ Baby forced Otis multiple times to go and buy pads for her.

|Billy|

⇝ Billy is a little geek and we all know it.

⇝ Definitely a gamer though back in his time, video games just started developing.

⇝ Billy has comfort characters without knowing what that means.

⇝ He has thought about making out with Stu before.

⇝ Billy is a very emotional person even if he doesn't show it in public. The only one who has seen the emotional side is Stu.

⇝ Billy wants to dress more alternative but that'd ruin his "perfect disguise". He'd love some leather boots and dark eyeliner.

|Stu|

⇝ Stu is sure that he's bisexual though he hasn't outed himself yet. His closet is made out of glass let's not lie here.

⇝ Stu is actually a very empathetic character which is why Billy loves him so much.

⇝ Stu loves everything that involves rollercoasters, he's an adrenaline junkie.

⇝ He either has ADHD or ADD.

⇝ He is actually pretty tolerant with a lot of stuff. He'd definitely wear nail paint and a skirt, sure. He's all against toxic masculinity.

⇝ His room is so fucking messy.

|Brahms|

⇝ Brahms has porn magazines hidden in the walls.

⇝ Brahms really likes gardening. He's a huge fan of planting his own stuff.

⇝ He is terrified of wild animals. This man is literally scared of wolves even though that's the last thing that'd attack him.

⇝ Brahms doesn't like fire all that much. He usually sits far away from it.

⇝ If he had a camera he'd totally take creepy stalker pictures through the walls.

⇝ He knows how to cook, surprisingly. Though he himself lives off of toast and tea.

⇝ He isn't stupid but his intelligence mainly bases on literature. He couldn't solve a simple equation yet he knows "Romeo and Juliet" like he wrote it.

⇝ Brahms hates sports. Especially running. He will throw himself on the ground after two minutes and whine.

|Josef|

⇝ Josef either lives vegan or vegetarian.

⇝ He wishes he had a pet. He'd love a cat or a dog.

⇝ Josef actually loved his parents even if they didn't have a close relationship. They passed away which is why he has so much money.

⇝ Bisexual king. I mean come on, he wanted to seduce Aaron as well as Sara.

⇝ He knows a lot about healthy eating. Fresh vegetables as well as fruit are a must in his house.

⇝ He doesn't actually have a house, he rents apartments or tiny houses for a few months and then leaves again.

⇝ He wanted to study medicine when he was a teenager. His grades were good enough as well.

|Thomas|

⇝ Thomas loves animals a lot. He wishes he wouldn't have to slaughter them sometimes but at the time he didn't have a choice.

⇝ While he despises school he loves gaining knowledge. If it wasn't for the bullies he'd gone back to school.

⇝ He hums lullabies to himself while he works.

⇝ He has thought about killing Hoyt yet he knows that he isn't allowed to kill family.

⇝ Tommy never had the chance to understand what's so wrong about cannibalism. He kind of gets it though.

⇝ Thomas has a huge artisanal intelligence. He can craft very well, as well as repair things.

⇝ He makes little dolls and toys when he's not busy.

⇝ He too wishes he had a pet with fur so he could pet it.

⇝ He has stamina like an ox. Thomas is probably able to run for hours.

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bellesowl · 4 years ago

Text

kiss and make up

- multiple characters

⤷ atsumu, sakusa

genre: (an attempt at) angst to fluff ; established relationship, timeskip

synopsis: in which you have an almost relationship-ending argument

word count: 2.1k total - about 1k each

warnings: fighting (obv), being called a burden, the boys are kinda mean but they make up for it i swear

- a/n: tbh i was kinda getting sick of writing just fluff so i wanted to spice it up a lil! if this sucks i’m probably going to stick to fluff fics but i think it should be fine? this one also only has 2 characs cause idk how i would be at writing angst LMAO if this does well enough i’ll post the one i have written w kuroo and iwa <3 but i feel like this kinda sucks so oh well

- thank u @kybabi for beta-ing <3

- miya atsumu

you n atsumu have been together since high school which is why you’ve always been inseparable

you went to the same college & moved in together right after, but once he got his job with the jackals, he insisted that you didn’t work and focused on getting your master’s degree

you reluctantly agreed, if only to be able finish & earn your phd soon after

because atsumu is always busy, it’s kinda become commonplace for you to do the chores around the house- like doing the laundry or washing the dishes or cooking dinner for him

but it’s gotten to the point where he expects it

atsumu sighs, unlocking the door to your shared apartment. today’s practice was rough, it was a day of hard conditioning and bad sets and he wanted nothing more than a good meal and to cuddle. the first thing he noticed when he walked in was the mess. instant ramen bowls were scattered everywhere, empty coke cans and dirty napkins were all over the floor, and there you were, in the eye of the hurricane. the second thing he noticed was that there was no homecooked meal.

surprised, he walks into the dining room to see you, furiously typing away at your laptop with four different books surrounding you. you hear his footsteps and look up.

“hey baby! how was practice?” you ask with a smile

atsumu grunts in reply and gestures toward the kitchen, “so.. what’s for dinner babe?”

your eyes widen, “oh shoot! i’m sorry, i was so busy studying for this final that i forgot to cook. do you mind-“ you stop when you see him roll his eyes and head out.

“um, where are you going? you just got home?” you ask, following him.

“out. i have to get food somehow” he replies, “especially because my useless s/o can’t cook a goddamn meal for me” he mutters under his breath

you stop in shock because did he really just say that?

“i’m sorry, i don’t think i heard you right.” you start but he interrupts you

“i said, i have to go get food because someone is too busy to cook a goddamn meal. what do you even do anyways- well, besides spend my money? the least you can do is cook for me, god.” he finally turns to look at you but he feels his heart stop at the look on your face.

not wanting to escalate the situation any further, you try to calm him down, “tsum, hey, i’m sorry i forgot to cook okay? this is my last final before the year ends and i just can’t afford to fail it, so i’ve been studying all day. if you come back to the kitchen, i’ll make you something, okay?”

“i don’t want to eat your half assed attempt at a meal, y/n. the whole point is that you couldn’t get off your ass for an hour to cook when i make the money, i paid for the apartment, hell, i’m even paying for your school! is it really too much to ask for you to stop being such a burden and cook and clean everyday?” he fumed.

you gape at him, shocked that he would even say that. to hell with not escalating things

“at least i want to do something more with my life than hit balls around and retire at 35” you hiss, “and i do everything in this house! i do the laundry, i clean the bathroom, i cook - i do all the things you refuse to. and do i complain? no. i offered to get a job but you refused.”

you turn around to grab your laptop and your textbooks, “just- just do whatever the hell you want to, atsumu.” and with that you walk out the door.

atsumu’s heart drops when he realizes that you actually left. sure, you’ve had arguments here and there, but you’ve never left. he pulls out his phone to call you when he sees you’ve left yours on the counter. knowing there’s nothing to do but wait at this point, he begins to clean up and calls osamu over.

it’s already 3 am when you walk back into your apartment, and you blink multiple times when you open the door. it’s ... clean? you’re sure it was a mess when you left, so how would it be clean? you sigh, too tired to think about it more and walk into the kitchen. your eyes widen at the sight. not only is your favorite food on the stove, but there your boyfriend is, asleep on the dining table. you smile slightly, well that explains things.

“ ‘’mu, hey, wake up babe.” you kiss him lightly and shake him.

he grunts and sits up, “baby! i’m so so sorry for what i said. you are in no way, shape, or form a burden, i have no clue why i said that. today’s practice was just really tiring, but i know i shouldn’t have taken it out on you. just please-” he sighs, “just please don’t leave me again.”

your heart breaks your teary eyed boyfriend. “shh, of course baby. i’ll never leave you again okay?” you say, tugging on his arm, “cmon babe, let’s go to bed, okay?”

“mm okay my love.” he replies and practically pulls you into bed. “i love you, okay?”

“i love you too baby.” you reply

“to the moon and back?” he asks

“yeah, and to infinity and beyond.” you reply, your lack of sleep hitting you hard

“oh, i didn’t know i was dating buzz lightyear”

you let out a loud laugh and just like that you both fall into the same routine, love radiating off both of you in waves.

- sakusa kiyoomi

dating sakusa was,, challenging

it definitely took him a while to get comfortable with you

so you guys have been dating for a couple years now, and at this point he’s def clingy

however there still moments when he reverts to his old self

this just happened to be one of those times

“OUT! AND JUST LIKE THAT, EJP RAIJIN TAKES THE WIN AGAINST THE BLACK JACKALS!”

the stadium is silent before the ejp cheering section erupts in cheers. you stay silent, watching your team below. you watch as sakusa stills, still in disbelief. you make your way down, practically sprinting to your boyfriend.

he sees you on the sideline and makes his way over to you. you put on your biggest smile and attempt to make him feel better.

“you did great, kiyo! you’ll get them next time, yeah?” you beam, knowing how hard he’s been training to beat his cousin

he eyes you warily, not knowing what to say.

usually, sakusa gets pretty clingy after games, so you you move to give him a hug.

“don’t touch me” he barked, jerking away from you. “if you hadn’t been distracting me, we would’ve won.”

you stare at him, refusing to let the tears flow. you both turn when you hear a certain setter yelling at the opposing middle and you sigh.

“um, okay then. i’ll see you at home, yeah?” you ask

sakusa merely nods and makes his way over to his teammates. you look around to see if anyone saw what just happened and you lock eyes with your boyfriend’s cousin, who walks over.

“congrats on the win komori! you guys did so well!” you cheered

“thanks, y/n! and i’m sorry about kiyoomi. i’m sure you know he gets that way sometimes.” he explains

you smile and shake your head, saying that you’re used to it and you both bid your farewells. as you walk out of the stadium, you think back to how your boyfriend, the one person you loved with everything you had in you, utterly embarrassed you in front of his whole team. before you know it, silent tears start streaming down your face.

you enter your home and immediately rush to the bathroom. you draw yourself a bath and make some dinner while waiting. you assume that kiyoomi wouldn’t be home to have dinner with you anyways- and now that you think about it, you can’t remember the last time you had dinner together. after you finish your bath and eat your dinner, you decide to wait up for boyfriend and watch a couple episodes of your favorite show to pass the time.

kiyoomi walks into his apartment at around 1 am, completely and utterly exhausted. he kicks his shoes off and drops his bag on the floor. The rustling rouses you from sleep and you sit up.

“hey kiyo” you say with a yawn, “where’ve you been all night?”

sakusa ignores you in favor of getting ready for bed and you frown when he brushes past you.

“kiyo, babe, what’s wrong? you’ve been ignoring me all night and i-” you start but he interrupts you before you can finish.

“god, just shut up, y/n. can’t you tell i don’t want to talk to you right now? i’ve already had the worst day, i don’t need you making it any worse.” he snaps

"kiyoomi, look, i understand you’re upset but you shouldn’t take it out on me.” you reason, reaching out towards him, “listen, i’m here if you wanna-”

“i said, do not touch me.” he seethes. “you are so fucking clingy y/n, lord, let me breathe a little.”

with those words, you explode. “you know what, sakusa,” he flinches when he hears his last name come out of your mouth, “i think i have the right to want to spend some time with my boyfriend! i haven’t seen you in god knows how long- you leave before i wake up and i fall asleep in an empty bed. i’ve been working my ass off to get some time off to watch your stupid volleyball game and what do you do? you embarrass me in front of your whole team!”

you sigh, wiping away the tears that continue that continue to fall. “listen, i don’t want to fight right now. i’m going to go stay at a friend’s house for the night, alright? i’ll see you tomorrow” you say, grabbing your purse. “if you’re even home tomorrow,” you add under your breath.

sakusa is in shock. the moment he saw your tears start to spill, he felt an undeniable and unrelenting ache in his chest that only seemed to grow with every work that came out of your mouth. and when the door shut? sakusa fell on his knees, his heart dropping. he truly couldn’t believe he said that to you. now all he had to do was wait till you got home.

2:38 pm - you check the time on your phone before pulling out your keys. you hope you made the right move, choosing to come back home while kiyoomi was still at practice. you open the door and the sight causes your eyes to widen.

there, on the couch with your favorite flowers in hand, is your boyfriend. he hears the door open and stands up abruptly.

“y/n, my love, i am so sorry. i truly cannot express how horrible i feel, and i cannot begin to understand how you feel.” he takes a deep breath, seemingly holding back tears. “i- i do love you. i love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life. i know i’m not the best at expressing it, but you mean the world to me- no, you are my world. without you, i don’t know what i would do. so please-” his voice cracks, “just, please give me another chance?”

you run towards your boyfriend, practically tackling him. “kiyo, baby, of course. i love you too, you know? you just can’t do that anymore, yeah? you shouldn’t feel like you have the right to embarrass me just because you had a bad day. and please, don’t call me clingy? i know i do stick to you like glue sometimes, but that’s just because i never see you anymore.” you reply.

“that will all change, darling.” he answers sincerely, “i’ll make more time for you, i swear. in fact, i’ll take the week off, how does that sound?” at the sight of your smile, he relaxes.

“that sounds wonderful, yoomi.” you answer

sakusa feels the weight that’s been dragging him down lift and he realizes the effect you have on him- you’re his breath of fresh air. he also realizes how utterly idiotic it was to push away the one person who could make him feel better.

it’s fine, he reasons, he’ll just never make that mistake again. he swears it.

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highdramas · 4 years ago

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forever is the sweetest con | b.b.

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝'𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 | 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: language and tfatws spoilers? not really but just in case

word count: 2167

summary: bucky makes a friend in his neighbor and her cat.

note: hiiiii so happy that so many people enjoyed the world's a little blurry! i am going to be writing multiple one shots, all connecting and showing little snapshots from the life of bucky and the reader <3 you don't have to read them in order, but reading all of them will help you better understand the relationship!

enjoy! <3

“stupid fucking thing.”

the swearing followed by incoherent irritable grumbling is like a dog whistle to bucky barnes. he’s standing outside of his apartment, lingering in the hallway, waiting to see if the person will speak again. to the surprise of no one, bucky hasn’t put much effort into getting to know his neighbors. he gives curt nods as he passes them in the hallway, tries his best to muster a smile when he gets caught at the mailbox beside someone else. he thinks that it looks more like a grimace than anything, but still-- it’s something.

“son of a bitch.”

the voice is feminine, and it is angry. he’s trying to discern if there is any immediate distress, and if there is-- maybe he can help. he’s pulled from his thoughts quickly as a door swings open and a large box is thrown out onto the doorstep. “fucking hell.”

the door doesn’t close. it stays open, still swinging, as if recoiling from the force in which it was tossed open. bucky could very easily continue on his way to his apartment, put away the few groceries he had purchased-- mostly pasta and cereal-- and spend his evening how he spends most evenings. fighting off sleep, because he knows what comes the moment consciousness fades and the darkness swallows him whole.

but he doesn’t.

instead, he dashes to his door and places the bag at the entryway, turning back on his heel. he fiddles with his gloves as he grows closer and closer to the door. and then, he sees you.

bucky can’t see much-- the door is only cracked. but what he can see almost makes him laugh. you’re huddled over what he assumes is a cat tower. well, a sorry excuse for a cat tower, really-- it’s half put together with miscellaneous pieces strewn all around you. you seem to be studying the instruction manual, flipping through it before you eventually toss it to the side. “kitty, i don’t know about all of this,” he hears you say.

again, there are multiple options here in terms of what bucky can do. he can leave now, pretend he never saw anything. he can check on you, and then… and then what? he doesn’t know.

he knocks.

bucky takes a step back as you scramble to your feet, pushing your hair back. you open the door and up at the stranger. “hi.” the word is short, and he can tell that you are not in a good mood. “if you’re going to bitch me out about the noise, i’m sorry. i bought a new cat tower for my cat, and it’s a bitch to put together. and i hate building anything, so i’m basically useless.” you suck in a breath and muster a smile. “so, like i said. sorry. i’ll be a better neighbor tomorrow.”

you go to close the door, and he doesn’t know what he’s doing when he blurts-- “wait-- no.” he shakes his head, clears his throat. “no, i wasn’t gonna bitch you out. i was--”

what was he going to say? what was he going to do?

“i was going to say i could help. if you want.” he clears his throat and rubs at his chin with a gloved hand. “i’m alright at putting furniture together.”

you linger in the doorway and look at him. though there are countless people who look at him every day, oftentimes, bucky doesn’t feel like he’s being recognized. sometimes he wonders if he is secretly invisible, drifting through this too-long life as a ghost. but the look you give him is piercing, and the smile that follows makes his heart stop in his chest.

“i’m not gonna turn down someone building this god forsaken thing for me,” you open the door wider. “come on in.”

bucky finishes his handiwork on the cat tower within thirty minutes, but something about you draws him in, and now it has been an hour and a half and he has not tired of your company.

you are very charming. that is the first thing that bucky notices about you. and it’s not just your personality, either. everything in your apartment seems to drip in you. there is no wall that is bare, there are different colored lights twinkling around each window, plants galore. it makes him almost feel embarrassed about the state of his own home. if you can even call it that.

it’s not a home. it’s a place where he fights off his demons and drinks cheap beer and pretends that he is okay, pretends that he is not alone, pretends that he doesn’t need sam or his therapist or anyone else in order to figure out how to live in the present.

but yours. yours is a home.

there’s a pang of jealousy, nestled deep in his heart. he doesn’t care if the thought is unreachable for someone like him, someone who has done the sort of things that he has done-- he wants it.

the thought will never reach the light of day, of course. no, it will stay buried in his belly, churning with the guilt and the anguish and the loneliness, too.

“you good over there?”

“huh?”

bucky looks up to see that you’re looking at him. your head is tilted and your mouth slightly agape, and the look… he can’t quite place it. it’s more confusion and less concern, and in a weird way, he likes that. “yeah. i’m fine.”

he’s confused by the way that the corner of your mouth turns up. “you’re a good liar,” is all that you quip before you push up off the ground, dusting off your leggings. “do you like pizza? i’m starving, and i would cook us something, but i don’t want to subject you to that. my mom says the only thing i should ever make is cereal, and even that’s pushing it. says i use too much milk.”

bucky laughs.

and it shocks him. it takes no thought at all to laugh at your words, your charm, the way that you carry yourself with such easy self deprecating humor. you make him laugh.

you, on the other hand, don’t think anything of it. you raise your eyebrows at him. “well? it’s pizza or we’re eating two big bowls of honey nut cheerios.”

“pizza is good.”

you bite down on your lip and you nod, fishing your phone from your back pocket. “great.”

bucky studies you as you order the food.

he’s learning that there are many things that he envies you for.

every muscle in your body is loose and relaxed. you don’t walk, you seem to float-- drifting in and out of rooms, brushing past him, as if you’re made up of nothing but air and stardust. you joke with the employee on the other line and then you hang up and look back to him. “i said we’d go and pick it up. it’s my favorite place, just down the street.”

“yeah, that sounds nice.”

bucky follows your lead. he’d never taken off his jacket, or his gloves, but you hadn’t made a comment about them. you scramble into clothing suitable for a new york winter and then grin at him, face slightly obscured by the massive scarf. “ready?”

he nods, and then you set out. you’re quiet for a few moments, before you say, “you’re bucky, right?”

there’s a silence that settles between you, as if some jig is now up. you glance over at him. “that’s not a bad thing,” you say softly. “or an insult.”

“yeah, i know.” his elbow knocks against yours lightly. “but, yeah. i am.”

you nod and offer your own name in return, and that is that. you don’t allude to anything else that you might or might not about him, his past, or the fact that he was used as a hydra weapon for a majority of his life, now thrust into a brand new century. no, all you do is say, “bucky’s a nice name.”

“thanks, doll.”

the pet name rolls off of his tongue so easily, like breathing. he stops for a moment, leaning into the urge to be embarrassed, but you don’t let him. “no one’s ever called me that before,” you say, brushing against his arm. “i like it.”

“it’s what all the guys used to call their girls.” he stops. “not that, you know--”

“yeah, i know,” you laugh. “i know what you meant.” you glance up at him again. “like i said, i like it.”

bucky swallows his nervousness and instead comes reassurance at your words. “i can keep callin’ you doll, if you really like it that much.”

playfulness. ease. comfort. things he has not felt in so long-- yori has tried to pull them out of him when it comes to women, but it has always felt forced, too fast, not right. this feels right.

“you make it sound like it’s such a chore!” you gape at him, but your voice is not malicious in the slightest. you are holding james buchanan barnes in the palm of your hand and you do not even know it.

“it’s not a chore,” bucky reassures. “trust me.”

“whatever you say,” you point to a small hole in the wall shop. “this is it.”

bucky holds the door open for you and you smile and wink as a thank you and god it sends his mind spinning, intoxicated by even the look that you give him. your name is performed like a symphony by every employee in the shop-- they all grin and wave, some make small talk. they eye bucky who stands a step behind you. but you turn and you place a hand on his forearm and even through all of the layers he swears that your touch burns. “this is my neighbor--” you look to him.

bucky clears his throats and he musters a smile, somewhere between his normal grimace and the smile that only seems to form in your presence. “james.”

they greet bucky with kindness and send the both of you on your way with the large pizza and a free liter of diet coke. “her favorite,” the owner says pointedly, winking to you. “we’re always trying to tell her to stop. maybe you can get her to knock the habit.”

“i don’t think anyone can get me to stop drinking diet coke,” you joke, looking at bucky with a level of fondness. “but he can certainly try.”

“i’ll give it a valiant effort,” bucky says and he tips his head to everyone before he opens the door for you once more. he holds the pizza and you hold the soda, tucked beneath your arm, and you make the trek back to your apartment in comforting quiet.

bucky learns that you don’t have a dining room table. you call it a waste of space, so you two sit in front of your coffee table on floor pillows, eating off mismatched plates and drinking the diet coke out of mugs from the thrift store you frequent.

the night is growing quieter, and you think that both you and bucky sense that it is coming to an end. you think you might be a bit addicted to being around him. he reminds you of the smell after it rains and black coffee, of laughter under neon lights and gentleness.

bucky is beginning to gather his things to leave when a meow turns both of your heads. your eyes light up. “hi baby,” you coo and the cat goes right to you and you scoop her up in your arms, presenting her to bucky. “this is katherine. or kitty, as i call her. she’s normally pretty scared of people.”

bucky hesitates, looking between you and the cat. finally, his hand reaches out and scratches kitty beneath the chin. she purrs almost instantly, nuzzling her face into his hand. you watch, somewhere in between shocked and amazed, as bucky interacts with her. “no, i swear, she hates people.” you pause. “wanna hold her?”

“oh, i don’t know…”

you raise your eyebrows and then he looks back at the cat, who gives a yap. it seems to say: please? he huffs and it fades into a smile and he holds his arms out. you set kitty into them and watch as she curls into him, rubbing the top of her head against his chin.

a girlish laugh bubbles from the deep pit of you belly and you clasp your hands together in front of you, watching with hearts in your eyes. the corner of his mouth turns up as he continues to pet the cat.

“bucky,” you say, putting a hand on your hip. “i hate to inform you, she’s never gonna let you go now.”

bucky looks up at you through his lashes. you, with your easy and calm demeanor, your loud laugh and your inability to build even the simplest of furniture.

“i think i’m okay with that.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes series #the world's a little blurry #bucky barnes fanfic

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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years ago

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The Cult Girl (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 1

This is my first time publishing any of my reader insert work so don’t be too hard on me. Y/N is a psych student that needs a favor and asks her therapist for help. Lmk if you want to see more.

It was an unmistakable conflict of interest, your relationship with Hannibal. He was your therapist, your mentor, your partner, and many years your senior to boot. You recognized this monumental power imbalance. You put on a façade of embarrassment for the people who expected it; people whose proclivities were done in the shadows and therefore easier to get away with. Why should you be expected to rationalize your loving, mutually beneficial relationship to a person who regularly cheats on her boyfriend?

You'd dated men your own age before, and without fail, you always found yourself waiting for them to grow up. Hannibal made you feel comfortable. Both emotionally and physically. You had a side of his bed and a spot in his arms to fall asleep in every night. Given the choice, you could truthfully say you'd never want to leave his arms.

Like many unlikely relationships, it didn’t start out in the most romantic of ways. Clutching your laptop under your raincoat, you hesitated knocking. Your therapist had, of course, seen you at your lowest points and was sworn to secrecy, but this was a low you didn’t want even him to see. Standing outside of his home, in the so-incredibly-not-business-hours dead of night with mascara running down your face.

You finally worked up the nerve to knock, telling yourself that he was probably asleep and wouldn’t hear you. This rationalization fell apart when the interior light turned on and the door unlocked. Although you’d been seeing Dr. Lecter for quite a while, his presence never failed to intimidate you. Now it was even worse. His severe expression was fixated on you as he silently awaited an explanation.

“Dr. Lecter...” You lowered your head and fumbled with your computer. You made a point to kiss your last shreds of dignity goodbye before you opened your mouth again. “...could I please borrow a book?”

Dr. Lecter narrowed his eyes. “I take it by the hour, this is an urgent matter, Miss [L/N]?”

“My midterm. It’s due in...” You glanced at your watch. “Eight hours.”

“Well you don’t have a moment to waste, now do you?” Dr. Lecter said, a slight upturn in his voice connoting amusement. “Come in. Let’s find you that book.”

You felt your muscles relax as he stepped aside to let you in. The house was spacious. Much too large for one person. That was really the only thing you could bring yourself to notice before he shut the door behind you.

“Now what is this all-important book of yours called?” He asked, pulling your raincoat from your shoulders like he always did.

“It’s called Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism.” You explained, tucking your computer under your arm. “By Robert Jay Lifton.”

“You’re in luck, Miss [L/N].” His thin lips turned up into a smile. “I have a copy from my own years as a student.”

You breathed an audible sigh of relief. You tensed your muscles and held in your excitement at the prospect of something finally going according to plan, even if that plan was your third or fourth backup.

You followed him into his office, which reminded you more of Belle’s library than any workspace you’d ever encountered. He must have had thousands of books in this room alone.

“It’s a fascinating read, but not one you could finish in eight hours.” Dr. Lecter's voice echoed from somewhere in the office, getting lost in the books. “Even for the most ravenous of psychology students, of which I know you to be.”

"Hardly." You muttered under your breath. "If that were the case, I wouldn't be begging for help at 2am before the final paper is due."

"Procrastination is only human, my dear." He assured you, his voice drawing closer. "It's common in those with deep-rooted insecurities about their competency."

"Now that sounds more like me." You joked, leaning back on your heels. "Should you really be trying to validate my bad habits? I feel like that's counterproductive."

"Scolding you would be more counterproductive." He corrected. "You've been scolded many times before and you continue your bad habits. Only when we get to the root of your behavior can you begin to reverse it."

He emerged from the bookshelves and handed you a beat-up copy of Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism, which you graciously accepted.

“Thank you so much, Dr. Lecter.” You said, placing your hand over your heart. "I owe you my life."

"I'd hardly equate your life to a used book, Miss [L/N]." Dr. Lecter said. "I feel like, as your therapist, we should talk about why you do."

You looked away, smiling sheepishly. "Maybe sometime in daylight. I've taken up enough of your time as it is. I'll get out of your hair now."

"It would take you more time to get back to your dorm that you could use writing." He said, matter-of-factually. "Write your paper in my office."

You looked at him in disbelief. Your judgment was clouded with energy drinks and desperation. So your usual self-sacrificing polite denial was steamrolled by a very enthusiastic acceptance. "I would be forever indebted to you, Dr. Lecter."

"Miss [L/N]," Dr. Lecter cut in. "You're a student, you need to study."

You didn’t really remember a lot of what happened after you wrapped your arms around his waist, too overwhelmed with gratitude to think if an embrace was even appropriate. It was the middle of the night, so you had an excuse if he shoved you off him. But surprisingly, he didn’t.

You broke the embrace and gathered up your book and computer. “Seriously, I owe you big time for this. You’re really saving my life here.”

“Go write your paper, [F/N].” He ordered. “We can discuss why you conflate your academics and your life during our next appointment. For now, make yourself at home.”

And that you did. Dr. Lecter retired back to bed and you spent a solid four hours typing away. An antique grandfather clock kept count for you. When you couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer, you sent the paper off to your professor, editing be damned. You let sleep compel you, comforted by the fact that you didn't have to think about your paper for at least another week before the grading period was over.

Dr. Lecter’s desk was the most comfortable surface in the world to you that night, because you slept for six hours with only your arms as a pillow. It was the first rest your body had gotten in quite some time. You were gently coaxed awake by the smell of something delicious.

You followed the smell into a kitchen that could rival those of Michelin-starred restaurants. Dr. Lecter was hard at work, cooking something that enticed your nose. He cracked an egg and looked up at you. “Good morning, Miss [L/N].”

“I’m sorry.” You said, shaking your head shamefully.

“For?” He asked, fixing his attention back on his recipe.

“Falling asleep.” You dropped your shoulders.

“I told you to make yourself at home, did I not?” He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. This time, he sounded like he was actually going to scold you. “Tell me, do you sleep at your desk at home?”

“I try not to.” You answer with a shrug.

“But when you feel yourself falling asleep, you usually put yourself to bed, right?” He continued.

You started to feel a bit stupid. “...yeah.”

He poked at some sausage links in a frying pan, letting out a sizzle. “You could have taken the couch.”

“I guess I was just too sleepy to think of that.” You explained, preparing to be psychoanalyzed no matter what you said.

“No, you were just too polite to push the imagined boundaries of my invitation.” He concluded, busying his hands with plating whatever it was he was making. His tone was comfortingly familiar. “Miss [L/N], don’t sacrifice your comfort for what you think I perceive to be rude. If I found you rude, you’d know it.”

"I'm sorry." You repeated.

"Don't apologize." He said, reaching for the pepper mill. "I know your anxiety disorder makes you feel like you are a burden. I assure you, you are not. I want you to know for next time that the couch is open. Or you could take the guest bedroom."

You stopped yourself before you could apologize again. You momentarily pondered what he had to say before uttering a quiet but convicted "Thank you."

"You're very welcome." Dr. Lecter slid a plate across the table in your direction. "Eat, my dear."

You didn't need to be told twice. You usually didn’t care for sausage, but reconsidered when you took a bite. The meat was so flavorful and rich, a little noise of delight escaped your lips.

Dr. Lecter smiled, your little moan sending his ego through the roof. “You like it?”

“It’s delicious.” You put your fork down, your face flush with embarrassment. “Way better than the food at the dining hall.”

“Miss [L/N],” Dr. Lecter began, putting an extra sausage link on your plate. “If you find yourself in need of psychology texts, I’d be happy to extend my invitation indefinitely.”

You nearly choked on your eggs. “On god?”

“Given that you arrive sometime before midnight and perhaps call ahead, yes.” He answered. “Your studies are your life and breath, after all. You would find yourself very accommodated to here.”

This time, you'd really take him up on his offer.

#hannibal x reader #hannibal x you #hannibal nbc #hannibal lecter #reader insert #first fic #its probably crap #an attempt was made

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pennylanewrites · 3 years ago

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I got seven different asks about the College AU so here are some headcanons I have about them! (imagine aiura is in the picture I couldn’t find a good one with all of them)

I definitely didn’t mean to make this so long but I can’t help it I love them all so much<3

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

Saiki Kusuo

→ marine!!!biology!!!major!!!!!!!!

→ doesn’t need to study but he still does bc he finds marine life so fascinating

→ read all of his textbooks on the first day bc he was so excited eeeek

→ always wears his germanium ring in class so he can stay hashtag focused

→ him and aiura have to bail toritsuka(didn’t go to college) out of jail once a month

→ speaking of aiura, she somehow has convinced him to go on a date on five different occasions

→ i think after high-school he realised he didn’t mind a kind of casual not-relationship with her

→ lets her hug him to greet him and sometimes he hugs back bc college boys stare a lot and he is just worried for her okay?

→ maybe I’m just projecting bc I kin aiura

→ does not go to parties unless he absolutely has to

→ if he does go to a party he’ll drink something quietly in a corner, just watching the crowd

→ a perv laced Teruhashi’s drink and almost lured her up the stairs so of fucking course Kusuo sprinted to help her, holding her on the way home bc men are drawn to her like bees to honey

→ she didn’t let him live it down ever

→ he rented a studio apartment and keeps it super clean, minimum clutter but enough to look lived in

→ cooks amazing food that Nendo smells from upstairs and next thing you know, they’re all bringing chairs to Kusuo’s apartment and have dinner

→ nothing excuses the fact he makes at least eight servings every time–

→ such a dad to everyone honestly

→ usually studies at a library or teleports back home if there’s a big test

→ mrs. saiki was banned from visiting every two days but she still ends up there somehow

→ not that he minds bc he’s the biggest mama’s boy ever

→ probably graduates a year early

→ doesn’t move away even though he got a job at the aquarium at the other side of the city help–

Kaidou Shun

→ fine arts major you can NOT change my mind

→ doesn’t do good in theoretical subjects but mans can draw some good bowls of fruit

→ wears those stained from the paints t-shirts all the time bc ‘no they’re not dirty it’s art!’

→ him and aren have small designated spaces in their apartment so they can focus on their hobbies/studying

→ his corner at the living room has newspapers on the floor to protect it from the splattering paint, some canvases propped up on the wall and a lot of unfinished projects

→ hides all of them when Nendou comes over

→ can not cook or clean to save his life

→ so he calls his mum to help clean up when Aren is at work

→ got over his 8th grader syndrome at some point

→ still wears red bandages bc he’s edgy

→ volunteers at the neighborhood exhibit centre

→ got asked to showcase his own works for a night and hasn’t shut up about it since

→ goes to yumehara for relationship advice and braids her hair as a thank you

→ couples sleepovers with Yumehara and Teruhashi (yes they’re dating shut up)

→ always makes something for Aren at special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries etc)

→ at first he went back home every saturday bc he missed his family :(

→ Aren helps him get over it though!!!!

Nendou Riki

→ got in on a sports scholarship

→ we already know he couldn’t be accepted in a college otherwise

→ in the chiropractic major bc he wants to be one of those athlete doctors

→ has failed way too many exams and classes

→ Hairo helps him so much though!!!

→ the last one in the group to graduate but somehow gets a job first (excluding Saiki)

→ him and hairo get up at 5 am for jogging or to hit the gym

→ and then he goes and gets noodles bc ‘if noodles aren’t for breakfast why do shops open at 6 am?’

→ hasn’t stepped foot in class in months

→ he gets decent grades after failing the first semester and it’s totally not Saiki’s doing

→ he ends up signing up for way too many clubs

→ attends all of the meetings and has so many friends through them

→ I would be his friend too in college honestly

→ a fraternity wanted to get him bc he’s so good at sports

→ he declined bc he does not understand how fraternities even work

→ is the life of EVERY SINGLE PARTY change my mind you can’t

→ whatever you do don’t imagine nendo surprising his boyfriend with flowers after every practice

→ *dies cutely*

Kuboyasu Aren

→ SOCIOLOGY MAJOR

→ idk I just think he would enjoy Marx’s Capital

→ debate club? hell yeah

→ gets in philosophical conversations at the school yard for HOURS

→ kaidou has to drag him away

→ only shops at thrift stores and makes coffee at home bc “capitalism is not accepted in this household”

→ rides his motorcycle to college even though he lives five minutes away

→ grew his hair out in a mullet again and he looks *chef’s kiss*

→ thought he would be moving too fast if he asked Kaidou to rent an apartment together

→ aiura convinced him it was fine

→ cooks kaidou’s favorite foods every day

→ participates in student rallies, human rights protests etc etc

→ comes home with bruises and kaidou thinks he looks so hot but still yells at him

→ Aren’s favorite place to study is his balcony or at a coffee shop

→ always with kaidou! cute boyfriends who do everything together!!

→ gets so drunk when they go out

→ drunk karaoke with kokomi yes yes yes

Hairo Kineshi

→ did someone say Athletic Training?

→ does every single sport and is amazing at it

→ will cheer for his bf if they have a game at the same time though

→ it was his idea to move in together bc ‘hey we’ve been dating for three years now might as well’

→ volunteers at a nearby elementary as a coach for the kids

→ SO GOOD WITH KIDS

→ wants to be a P.E. Teacher and he’s going to be great at it

→ does everything he can at campus

→ helping random clubs, making posters, cleaning up the hallways, helping the cheer squad with their new routine

→ dances ballet as a hobby even though he’s so good at it that he could be a professional

→ makes everything a competition with Nendo so they never get bored

→ once made everyone get up to jog with them and they ended up sleeping on random benches while Hairo and Nendo were halfway across town

→ will punch someone if he sees them catcalling a girl

→ doesn’t drink at all and eats super healthy

→ designated driver for the group’s outings downtown

Aiura Mikoto

→ THEATER MAJOR

→ is so good at stage acting it’s unreal

→ lands the lead role almost every time

→ is also an amazing singer so she gets great roles in musicals as well

→ doesn’t have to get a job bc she gets all her money from doing readings on campus

→ gets coffees and pastries from all the coffee shops around campus and sits Kusuo down so he can taste them

→ they have a little taste-testing date in his apartment until they decide none of them are as good as the ones at Cafe Mami

→ she totally doesn’t make him teleport there every morning and he totally doesn’t listen to her

→ moved in with chiyo bc they wanted a nice place that they couldn’t afford on their own

→ teruhashi told them to move in with her but they already loved their little place

→ aiura’s bedroom is the most comfortable and cozy room ever

→ their apartment is also the hang out spot for the group bc it’s just so homey

→ hangs out with her theatre group a lot, especially after class

→ they can’t compare to her friends though:(

→ everyone goes to her when they’re worried and she loves it bc she’s the mummy of the group

→ she makes everyone coffee and their comfort food before big exams:)

Yumehara Chiyo

→ psychology major one thousand percent

→ you know how they say that people choose psychology bc they don’t know what major they want?

→ that’s exactly what happened except she fell in love with it immediately

→ such a good student!!!

→ always does her assignments on time and still manages to have a social life

→ teruhashi asked her out at the end of their first semester and that’s the first time chiyo missed a deadline

→ practically lives with teruhashi, insisting it’s just to leave aiura alone

→ she’s just IN LOVE OKAY?????

→ would want to be a sorority girl at first

→ changed her mind when she realized how much shit they all talked

→ her and kaidou drink wine and talk about their relationships and studies

→ she’s so sleep deprived it’s unreal

→ she doesn’t need sleep anymore though

→ coffee is her best friend

→ makes asks Aiura for readings twice a week

→ brings all her psychology friends home and they analyze their textbooks

→ once she got the hang of it, she decided to examine Kusuo

→ she told him he needs actual medical evaluation

→ he almost threw her out the window when she offered some Xanax for his nerves

→ chiyo is a neat freak one hundred percent

→ hates when Aiura throws everything on the floor, but she loves cleaning

→ opens her own office after school

Teruhashi Kokomi

→ PRE-MED

→ lesbian doctor :)

→ just wanted to get away from her perv brother at first

→ she always wanted to be a doctor though, preferably a neurosurgeon

→ she’s super duper smart and hates when she gets good grades bc of her good looks:(

→ makes it her goal to show her professors that she’s more than a beautiful girl

→ hasn’t failed a single exam

→ helps everyone with their studies even though she’s drowning in work

→ drops the perfect girl image at college and decides she should try and aim for something normal

→ gets invited to every single party

→ in a knitting club bc it would get disbanded without one more member

→ knits!!!matching!!!sweaters!!!for all of her friends!!!

→ asked Chiyopipi out while drunk

→ never regretted it though

→ her and aren get so drunk when they go out with the group

→ it’s honestly unreal how much they can drink before passing out

→ has to get carried home

→ wakes up after getting drunk and runs to her class before remembering it’s Sunday

→ her penthouse has the perfect view of the sunset and sunrise and is all she could ask for in life

→ does get lonely so she’s practically living with Chiyo and Aiura

→ once she realized she didn’t like boys she made it her goal to get Saiki and Aiura together

→ people wonder how she has so much time to play matchmaker and volunteer while she’s in premed

→ does her internship at a hospital

→ ends up working there as a neurosurgeon after her Doctorate degree

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

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free--therapy · 3 years ago

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Healthy Coping Skills for Uncomfortable Emotions

Emotion-Focused and Problem-Focused Strategies

By Amy Morin, LCSW

Whether you’ve been dumped by your date or you’ve had a rough day at the office, having healthy coping skills can be key to getting through tough times. Coping skills help you tolerate, minimize, and deal with stressful situations in life. Managing your stress well can help you feel better physically and psychologically and it can impact your ability to perform your best.

But not all coping skills are created equal. Sometimes, it’s tempting to engage in strategies that will give quick relief but might create bigger problems for you down the road. It’s important to establish healthy coping skills that will help you reduce your emotional distress or rid yourself of the stressful situations you face.

Problem-Based vs. Emotion-Based

When you’re feeling distressed, ask yourself, “Do I need to change my situation or do I need to find a way to better cope with the situation?” Then, you can decide which type of coping strategy will help you best proceed.

There are two main types of coping skills: problem-based coping and emotion-based coping.

Problem-based coping is helpful when you need to change your situation, perhaps by removing a stressful thing from your life. For example, if you’re in an unhealthy relationship, your anxiety and sadness might be best resolved by ending the relationship (as opposed to soothing your emotions).

Emotion-based coping is helpful when you need to take care of your feelings when you either don’t want to change your situation or when circumstances are out of your control. For example, if you are grieving the loss of a loved one, it’d be important to take care of your feelings in a healthy way (since you can’t change the circumstance).

There isn’t always one best way to proceed. Instead, it’s up to you to decide which type of coping skill is likely to work best for you in your particular circumstance.

Healthy Emotion-Focused Coping Skills

Whether you’re feeling lonely, nervous, sad, or angry, emotion-focused coping skills can help you deal with your feelings in a healthy way. Healthy coping strategies may soothe you, temporarily distract you, or help you tolerate your distress.

Sometimes it’s helpful to face your emotions head-on. For example, feeling sad after the death of a loved one can help you honor your loss.

So while it would be important to use coping skills to help relieve some of your distress, coping strategies shouldn’t be about constantly distracting you from reality.

Other times, coping skills may help you change your mood. If you’ve had a bad day at work, playing with your kids or watching a funny movie might cheer you up. Or, if you’re angry about something someone said, a healthy coping strategy might help you calm down before you say something you might regret. Here are some examples of healthy emotion-focused coping skills:

Clean the house (or a closet, drawer, or area)

Color

Cook a meal

Do yoga

Draw

Drink tea

Garden

Give yourself a pep talk

Go for a walk

Engage in a hobby

Exercise

Listen to music

List the things you feel grateful for

Look at landscape photos that help you feel relaxed

Look at pictures to remind you of the people, places, and things that bring joy

Meditate

Picture your “happy place”

Play a game with your kids

Play with a pet

Practice breathing exercises

Pray

Put on lotion that smells good

Read a book

Reframe the way you are thinking about the problem

Squeeze a stress ball

Smile

Spend time in nature

Take a bath

Take care of your body in a way that makes you feel good (paint your nails, do your hair, put on a face mask)

Think of something funny

Use a relaxation app

Use aromatherapy

Use progressive muscle relaxation

Write in a journal

Healthy Problem-Focused Coping Skills

There are many ways you might decide to tackle a problem head-on and eliminate the source of your stress. In some cases, that may mean changing your behavior or creating a plan that helps you know what action you’re going to take.

In other situations, problem-focused coping may involve more drastic measures, like changing jobs or cutting someone out of your life. Here are some examples of healthy problem-focused coping skills:

Ask for support from a friend or a professional.

Create a to-do list.

Engage in problem-solving.

Establish healthy boundaries (tell your friend you aren’t going to spend time with her if she makes fun of you).

Walk away (leave a situation that is causing you stress).

Work on managing your time better (for example, turn off the alerts on your phone).

Unhealthy Coping Skills to Avoid

Just because a strategy helps you endure emotional pain, it doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Some coping skills could create bigger problems in your life. Here are some examples of unhealthy coping skills:

Drinking alcohol or using drugs: Substances may temporarily numb your pain, but they won’t resolve your issues. Substances are likely to introduce new problems into your life. Alcohol, for example, is a depressant that can make you feel worse. Using substances also puts you at risk for developing a substance abuse problem and it may create legal issues, financial problems, and a variety of social issues.

Overeating: Food is a common coping strategy. But, trying to “stuff your feelings” with food can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food—and weight issues. Sometimes people go to the other extreme and restrict their eating (because it makes them feel more in control) and clearly, that can be just as unhealthy.

Sleeping too much: Whether you take a nap when you’re stressed out or you sleep late to avoid facing the day, sleeping offers a temporary escape from your problems. However, when you wake up, the problem will still be there.

Venting to others: Talking about your problems so that you can gain support, develop a solution, or see a problem in a different way can be healthy. But studies show1 repeatedly venting to people about how bad your situation is or how terrible you feel is more likely to keep you stuck in a place of pain.

Overspending: While many people say they enjoy retail therapy as a way to feel better, shopping can become unhealthy. Owning too many possessions can add stress to your life. Also, spending more than you can afford will only backfire in the end and cause more stress.

Avoiding things: Even “healthy” coping strategies can become unhealthy if you’re using them to avoid the problem. For example, if you are stressed about your financial situation, you might be tempted to spend time with friends or watch TV because that’s less anxiety-provoking than creating a budget. But if you never resolve your financial issues, your coping strategies are only masking the problem.

Proactive Coping

Coping skills are usually discussed as a reactive strategy—when you feel bad, you do something to cope. But, research shows2 that proactive coping strategies can be an effective way to manage the future obstacles you’re likely to face.

For example, if you have worked hard to lose weight, proactive coping strategies could help you maintain your weight after your weight loss program has ended. You might plan ahead for circumstances that might derail you—like the holiday season or dinner invitations from friends—to help you cope.

You also might plan ahead for how you’re going to cope with emotions that previously caused you to snack—like boredom or loneliness. And you might prepare a mantra that you’ll repeat to yourself when you’re tempted to give in to temptation.

Proactive coping has been found to be an effective way to help people deal with predictable changes, like a decline in income during retirement.

However, coping can also be used to help people deal with unexpected life changes, such as a major change in health. A 2014 study3 found that individuals who engaged with proactive coping were better able to deal with the changes they encountered after having a stroke.

Another study4 found that people who engaged in proactive coping were better equipped to manage their type 2 diabetes. Participants who planned ahead and set realistic goals enjoyed better psychological well-being.

So, if you are facing a stressful life event or you’ve undergone a major change, try planning ahead. Consider the skills you can use to cope with the challenges you’re likely to face.

When you have a toolbox ready to go, you’ll know what to do. And that could help you to feel better equipped to face the challenges ahead.

Find What Works for You

The coping strategies that work for someone else might not work for you. Going for a walk might help your partner calm down. But you might find going for a walk when you’re angry causes you think more about why you’re mad—and it fuels your angry feelings. So you might decide watching a funny video for a few minutes helps you relax.

It's important to develop your own toolkit of coping skills that you’ll find useful. You may need to experiment with a variety of coping strategies to help you discover which ones work best for you.

You might find that certain coping strategies work best for specific issues or emotions. For example, engaging in a hobby may be an effective way to unwind after a long day at work. But, going for a walk in nature might be the best approach when you’re feeling sad.

When it comes to coping skills, there’s always room for improvement. So, assess what other tools and resources you can use and consider how you might continue to sharpen your skills in the future.

Read Article Here

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rhysismydaddy · 4 years ago

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Naughty Neighbors pt. 1 (Elriel)

Synopsis: Elain’s stuck in a dead end relationship, bored beyond belief with her life. When she befriends her brand new neighbor, it’s like taking a breath of fresh air. But with each day of friendship, she grows more and more drawn to him and the past he’s desperate to escape. His smile is all she thinks about, invading her head at the most inconvenient moments. He’s made his intentions with her perfectly clear, but she’s determined to resist his charms. She won’t allow him to turn her calm, quiet life upside down. Right?

I’M SORRY THIS HAS TAKEN SO LONG. Moving did NOT go smoothly, and my professors are taking online classes a little ~seriously~ even though they haven’t started yet lol.

Part 2 should be out by Wednesday, and it’s in Azriel’s POV :))))) This one’s a slow burn ladies and gentlemen, so get ready for some pent up desire

______________________________________________________________

Elain rolled over in bed, somehow too hot and cold at the same time. Gods, she was miserable. Her boyfriend was next to her, snoring loudly, and the sound did nothing to help her worsening mood.

She was so exhausted-- when you owned a flower shop, wedding season was always hectic--but sleep had been refusing to find her for the past hour.

It didn’t help that she had a moose-sounding man in the room.

Reminding herself that she loved him and definitely didn’t want to strangle him in his loud ass sleep, she rolled over and pulled a pillow on her head.

Somehow, after two years of dating, she hadn’t gotten used to how loudly Lucien snored.

Thank the gods we don’t live together, she thought, then admonished herself for it.

They would eventually.

She just had to get used to it.

The pillow over her head became suffocating, only adding to the over-heating problem, so she threw the covers off, grabbed a robe, and walked out. After going up a few flights of stairs, she found herself on the roof.

It was the place she always went when she was stressed or sad or just needed to see the night sky. She’d even started a garden a few months ago, so she started to head over to check on it.

But then she saw who was sitting on the bench in front of her rose bushes and paused.

Paused and stared, because the man sitting in front of her wearing dark clothes and a smirk was both classically beautiful and dangerous.

He was the kind of man most men would do anything not to fight and women would do anything to bed.

Smoke curled around him, and the shadows somehow seemed to cling to his tall frame. The stranger dwarfed the small bench, large frame taking up enough space for two. Even though he was sitting, she could tell he was well over six feet. And built like a Greek god, if the way his black, long sleeve t-shirt clung to his chest was any indication.

He was the most attractive man she’d ever seen, and that was without taking in the strong, clean shaven jaw, hazel eyes, and hair the color of spilled ink.

And oh fuck, he was studying her, too. A shiver ran over her as she realized she was covered in just her robe.

Her body begged her to both run far away and draw closer, and for some reason, she listened to the urge to do the latter.

“Who are you?” she asked as she walked through the maze of flowers.

“Who are you?” he shot back, not answering her question. Her body reacted to his voice alone, goosebumps raising at the cold but somehow soothing tone.

A breeze caused her hair to swirl around her as she replied, “I’m Elain. What are you doing here?”

He jerked his chin at the cigarette dangling from his fingertips, but that wasn’t exactly what she’d been asking. “No, I mean what are you doing here?”

“I live here, Elain.”

She realized she shouldn’t have told him her name, because now he could say it in that sexy, very manly voice of his and it would do strange things to her sanity.

He said her name like a lover would, soft and sensual, but also coldly amused. He sounded like he knew her, like he’d known her for years.

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.” His eyes are laughing at her now, but he didn’t sound mean.

"Which apartment?”

“4B.”

Elain’s eyebrows pinched together at that news. She lived in 4A and hadn’t even noticed she’d gotten a new neighbor. Then again, she’d been at work all day. “Oh. I guess we’re neighbors then.”

A small smile graced his full lips, and she studied it before forcing her eyes back to his. “Lucky me.”

Oh, gods. Was he... flirting with her?

She didn’t even know. It had been so long since someone had that she’d forgotten what it sounded like.

So she rolled her eyes good naturedly, leaning against the brick railing encasing the roof.

“Sneaking out for a smoke?” His voice was like gravel and smoke, and his hazel eyes raked over her body in a way that made her shiver.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

He nodded, then extended the cigarette to her in question. She smiled but shook her head and said, “I don’t smoke.”

“A good girl, then.” He didn’t sound at all bothered by that statement. And once again, his hazel eyes skirted down her body. “Do you want to sit down?”

There was almost no room on the bench, but it beat standing on the edge of the roof on such a breezy night, so she walked over and sat as far away from him as possible.

It was still way too close.

Her arm was pressed against hers, allowing her to feel the dense muscle covering it. She doubted she could wrap both hands around it completely, but she shut down the urge to try as she crossed her legs casually.

The warmth from his body seeped into her, goosebumps raising where they touched. “You’re warm,” she commented stupidly.

“Are you cold?” he asked, hazel eyes scanning her face, then dropping slightly.

No small amount of horror grew when she realized what he’d glanced at. She crossed her arms over her chest, then scowled when he grinned.

Her eyebrows flew up, though, when a heavy arm landed across her shoulders and tucked her into a warm, firm side.

Oh, gods above every place they connected was tingling. Heat rushed into her--both between her legs and from his side.

She needed a heat CT.

“Is this your garden?” he asked, taking a puff of his cigarette and blowing the smoke away from her.

She nodded, then realized her head was pressed against his chest. Elain pulled away slightly, then asked, “Will you tell me your name?”

His hazel eyes were dark, like molten caramel. She felt lost in him. “What will you give me in return?”

Every inch of her body went taut and loose at the same time. Her thigh was suddenly warm, and she looked down to see his hand resting on her skin. The back of his hand was covered in scars and tattoos and his palm was covered in callouses, but it was nothing but gentle and warm on her thigh.

Her maybe-neighbor was perfectly still, his face cool and composed while he waited for her to react. But his eyes told her exactly what would happen if she leaned into him just a tiny amount.

And gods, she wanted to.

Something was holding her back though. A small voice was screaming at her, and a disgusting amount of guilt crept up her shoulders. Almost jumping out of her skin, she remembered whose existence she’d forgotten completely.

Lucien.

Her boyfriend.

The man she’d been attempting to sleep next to not an hour ago.

She pulled away, instantly missing his warmth. “I have a boyfriend,” she said unceremoniously and with about as much enthusiasm as someone declaring grandma was dead.

His eyes went a little darker, even as the corner of his lips twitched. “Hm.”

“I should go.” That was beyond true.

Lucien was trusting, and their relationship was relaxed, but practically snuggling with another man wasn’t right. Even if it was all she wanted to do at the moment.

“Okay.”

“I hope we can be friends in the future,” she said, trying to maintain polite normalcy. “But only if you tell me your name.”

Once again, those amber eyes slid over her, and she was very, very grateful she’d crossed her arms. “We’re never going to be friends, Elain.”

The way he said it didn’t feel like a rejection; it felt like a challenge. Her body thrummed, even as she shook her head slightly and started back down the stairs.

The picture of his face followed her all the way into her apartment, sticking in her head until she fell asleep with a soft smile on her face.

The next morning, she woke up and had breakfast with Lucien, who hardly glanced up from his eggs as he asked, “Where’d you go last night? I heard you get up.”

Her heart started to race even though she’d done nothing wrong. Technically. Calming her voice, she said, “I went to the roof to check on the garden. Couldn’t sleep.”

Lucien just shrugged, knowing this was pretty typical for her.

She knew she should tell him she’d met their new neighbor, but for some reason, her mouth stayed shut. Probably because she didn’t even know his name.

It definitely wasn’t because she’d almost kissed him.

“I have to go; I have an early meeting.” He worked at a corporate finance place downtown, so this wasn’t exactly groundbreaking. He got up from the table, navy suit slightly wrinkled, and kissed her brow. “Thanks for breakfast. I’ll come back Friday, okay?”

This also wasn’t news. He stayed at her place a few nights a week, most of the time Sunday and Friday. She didn’t go to his that often because she didn’t have a car and liked to walk to work.

Elain nodded and smiled, then went to get ready once he’d left.

Were twenty-four year-olds supposed to feel like this? Like they were stuck on a conveyor belt, destined to do the same thing for the rest of her life?

It sometimes felt like she’d gone to sleep and woken up in the life of a fifty-year old housewife.

Whenever he stayed over, he liked coming home to a clean house and meal, so she cooked for him, pretending to love it, when in reality, she’d be just as happy eating takeout on the sofa.

She greeted him with a smile, and they talked and watched TV together, then went to bed at the same time every night.

And gods, it was starting to get boring.

Even the sex was starting to follow a routine. It wasn’t written down, but Elain had noticed they slept together at the beginning of the month, then not at all for a few weeks.

She missed the beginning of the relationship, when they were so in love and crazy about each other they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

She didn’t expect fireworks after being together for so long, but... it had only been two years. And despite never mentioning it, Lucien was bound to propose at some point.

Could she do this for the rest of her life? Go to work, come home, cook, go to bed? Did she love him enough for fifty years of the same routine?

That thought shocked her. Of course she did.

He was perfect for her. He didn’t keep secrets, had a good job, and treated her with kindness and respect. So what if the fizzle had worn off?

So what if she got more turned on sitting on a cold bench next to a complete stranger than after actual foreplay with her boyfriend?

It meant nothing.

At least, that’s what she told herself as she put on a light blue dress and sandals and fixed her hair.

Once she was ready, she walked outside and started down the street to her store. It was only a five minute walk, one of her favorite things about her apartment’s location.

“Elain,” came a low voice from right next to her.

Surprised, she turned to see her brand new neighbor walking next to her. Just like last night, he was dressed in dark jeans and a black t-shirt. But with the light she could make out his features better, and it did nothing to sway her of how attractive she found him.

“Good morning.”

He smiled, and she found herself mimicking the expression.

I mean, when someone who looked like a villainous Prince Charming smiled at you, you smiled back.

“Better now,” he told her in a low tone, still smirking.

“You’re a horrible flirt,” she laughed, brushing off how the comment made her skin tingle.

“Horrible?” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette, lighting one as they walked. “I’ll have to step up my game then. You look beautiful today.”

“I amend my statement. You’re a mediocre flirt.”

He blew a cloud of smoke around him and rolled his eyes, and she grinned agian. She did that a lot around him, she realized. It was easy to.

There was just something alluring about him. He was dark and cold and beyond mysterious, but also sensual in a way she’d never seen before. It both threw her off guard and made her want to be reckless for once in her life.

“Where are you going?”

“Work. I own the flower shop down on third street,” she told him proudly. The shop was her life’s work, and it made her insanely happy to tell people about it.

“The Archeron?” he asked, and her brows shot up in surprise. “I work across the street. Start today, actually.”

“Oh, at the tattoo place?”

The idea of getting a needle stabbed into her skin over and over again made her nauseous.

Azriel noticed her expression. “You ever come in, I’ll give you a discount.”

“I’ll absolutely never take you up on the offer, but thank you. If you ever want a lovely bouquet, feel free to come on in.”

His hazel eyes met hers. “And what if I just want to see you? Do I still have to buy flowers?” There was a blush on her cheeks, and his eyes darkened when he saw it. “I like making you blush.”

Gods above, the man wasn’t giving up.

She was surprised to find she didn’t want him to.

She deflected anyway. “Fine. You’re an average flirt.”

“Oh, baby girl, you have no idea.” They were somehow already in front of her shop, and he looked through the window and grimaced. “On second thought, if I want to see you, I’ll just knock on your door. Lot of flowers in there.”

“That’s kind of the point,” she reminded him, blocking out the picture of Azriel coming over to her apartment. “If I want to see you, who should I ask for?”

Humor flickered across his hard features, but he still shot down the request.

“If you need me, I’ll be across the street encouraging people to make horrible decisions.”

Laughing, she unlocked the store and watched him walk away. Somehow, even though it was broad daylight, he was a spot of darkness on the street.

She didn’t even know his name, but she was tempted to follow him, just to see his smile again. If seeing him smile made her feel that happy, how would it be to hear his laugh?

More than anything, she wanted to find out.

And Elain knew right there that he’d been completely right: they would never be friends.

______________________________________________________________

Part 2

@cursebreaker29 @sjmships @starrynightsbooks @lovemollywho @januarystears @astreia-oniria @wineywitch202 @captainthefangirlofhp @perseusannabeth @girl-who-reads-the-books @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @maastrash @a-bit-of-a-cactus @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @savemesoon8 @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace @poisonous00

#azriel #azriel x elain #elriel #elriel fanfiction #elain #elain archeron #acotar #acowar #acomaf #acofas #acotar fanfiction #a court of mist and fury #a court of thorns and roses #a court of wings and ruin #a court of frost and starlight

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obeymeluv · 4 years ago

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Diavolo as a Dad

I just want to take a sec and thank everyone for the attention this blog gets. I’m always surprised at how many notes and reblogs there are. Seriously! I have, like, 16 posts and somehow I have 400 followers?! It’s really nice (つ´∀｀)つ

I like it best when there’s comments. It makes me happy ＼(^o^)／

I saw a comment on “The Bros as Dads” post asking for Diavolo as a dad, so here you go. I tried to tag you, but your handle didn’t come up :/

Hopefully you guys like this. I feel like Diavolo’s character is very vague.

This kind of turned into general Diavolo headcanons + Diavolo as a Dad. My b.

General Diavolo Headcanons:

I headcanon that demons have a natural attraction to humans not only because of whatever energy they could provide, but because there’s something innate that makes them want humans. Maybe like an ancient call to their corruptibility or something. Or simply a predator coaxing prey into the den.

Diavolo is especially susceptible to this because he’s the prince. The higher up in the demon hierarchy you are, the more you want humans for their spirit, purity, the soul contract, and just some kind of satisfaction only they can give

There’s probably a forbidden fruit element to it, too. Demons were harassed by humans and angels alike to leave them be, and that just made them more attractive

He genuinely wanted to befriend humans and knock down some old walls and superstitions, so he made the exchange program. A lot of times the sheer excitement of making it happen is enough to take the edge off his demon side. Ignore the whispers saying the little human would be such a treat, like a little lamb in the palm of his hand...

Diavolo’s a pretty outgoing and friendly guy who’s been trapped in a castle of propriety and demands. This human is also his chance at escape, to learn more than books could ever teach him.

At first he’s worried about seducing them (like the old call demands) but when he realizes the human has a crush on him without that influence, he’s stoked.

Pure and perfect, right? THE example of what his program was trying to achieve!

The dates start off innocent and cute--studying and tea in the castle, a small brunch here and there. Diavolo has skipped out on several duties because he simply must treat you to Devildom cuisine! If he didn’t, they wouldn’t get the full experience now, would they?

Barbatos has had to hunt down Lord Diavolo more than he cared for. If you end up convincing Diavolo back to the castle, he respects you. He appreciates the extra babysitter.

You bring a joy to Diavolo’s lavish monotony and he wants the Devildom and human world to know he’s serious about forging better bonds, so he asks if you want to make a pact.

That’s what he says, but it’s so much more than that. Diavolo couldn’t put it all into words and you probably don’t have the lifespan it would take for him to explain (if he could).

At most, there’s something warm and giddy and pulsing in him at the thought of being so close with you. Two souls sharing a bond. Being looked at with such love and adoration...

His pact mark is large and elaborate, and he takes great joy in hiding it from the Devildom, relishing the rare mornings where he helps you dress. He doesn’t regret bonding with you, but he doesn’t want to draw unsavory attention.

Diavolo as a Dad (when you’re pregnant) :

You realize you’re pregnant before Barbatos and Diavolo do, neither one of them very familiar with how humans carry the pregnancy or change throughout.

There’s subtle signs about how your skin is changing, the way your hair looks, and how you smell different. It’s firing off in Diavolo’s brain, tickling at the edge of it, but he can’t figure out what it is.

Barbatos consulted Solomon and got extra suspicious. When you realize he’s starting to put it together, you do the reveal.

You write a note and draw a picture of the pregnancy test, mixing it up in the papers he has to review. Then, just to be extra cute, you busy yourself about the castle to “give him private time”.

Diavolo is handling his paperwork, per usual (it’s almost automatic). The unofficial form catches his eyes since it’s more a note than anything. He reads it and suddenly the WHOLE CASTLE is up in arms with joy.

Doesn’t matter what room you’re in, you heard him. That big, joyful laugh that works his whole chest.

The Little D’s of the castle are skittering around and whooshing through walls to help him find you. You can hear him flying around and calling for you, and it’s like the times you’ve played hide and seek.

The second Diavolo finds you, he crushes you to him and smothers you with kisses. His eyes sparkle as he snuggles you, big purr rolling through his chest. He’s asking a million questions about human children

The two of you take classes together. He studies up on humans and you learn about how to care for demon babies.

Barbatos cries inside at the thought of baby-proofing the castle. He gets the bright idea to hire a bunch of moms and they do sweeps of the castle, tidying up and making lists of what needs to be put away or added to make it safe

You’re given a special brew (exclusive to the royal family) and drink it daily. It fortifies your body to deliver the child and gives the baby its royal heritage (basically makes sure Diavolo’s genes and the demon side comes out a bit stronger).

Even though it tastes good and something in it makes you want to drink it, you’re sick of it by the second month. Barbatos and Diavolo continue to insist that you do. The child should be at least half-demon and will need to be recognized as next-of-kin for ruling.

Diavolo would love to take you out to socialize and attend public classes, but he’s busy and you’re in a delicate state. The royal physicians say the brew does a lot internally so it’s best not to stress you too much (If he’d done The King’s Brew ritual before you were pregnant, the baby would’ve been 3/4th demon and you wouldn’t have so many restrictions. Who knew?)

There’s a lot of private dates around the royal gardens and any beautiful sight he can give you. If you want company, he invites people to you. You want exquisite food? Barbatos can cook, but if you don’t want his cooking then Diavolo can have it delivered. The castle is spacious enough for you to get your daily exercise with simple walks.

He adores seeing you in the royal colors and is constantly sharing visions of diaphanous gowns and anything that can make you comfortable to the designers. Always gushes when he sees you in something new.

Being an old-fashioned demon prince, he does a series of small oil paintings instead of maternity photos. When you explain that maternity photos are more of a human thing, he books a session so the child can see both (the oil paintings are tasteful and appropriate for the castle but they all end up in his study).

Is totally on board with helping you dress (or laying in bed with your huge baby bump when clothes seem a bit hard for the next 5-10 minutes), and taking long, relaxing baths.

Takes his paperwork to bed so he can watch you sleep. You might snore, and the bed is almost comically huge, but you look so relaxed that Diavolo swears you lied to him about being purely human

His favorite thing to do is rub ointments and tinctures on your belly to help your skin. Loves to give you shoulder kisses while he does.

When he finds out you’re having a boy, he commissions tiny matching outfits. He doesn’t know if he wants to gush over the details or cry (”Barbatos, how inconceivably tiny! Isn’t it amusing?”)

Diavolo as a Dad (for real) :

Has to be given very explicit instructions about age-appropriate play because the minute the kid is crawling Diavolo’s going to want to play with him like a toddler.

Lets him teethe on old antique gold stuff that gives Mammon an aneurysm when he realizes what the kid’s doing (and how expensive the thing is in his hands).

Had a treasure chest-style bassinet comissioned because his kid is his treasure. One of the two--two and a half, with Barbatos--greatest treasures in his castle.

100% uses the kids to shirk his royal duties, but you and Barbatos keep him on a tight leash. Literally. He has a coupon allotment for the week (if you didn’t do the coupon thing he’d NEVER get any work done).

He LIVES for the skin-to-skin contact and is very disappointed when he has to put clothes back on for guests or meetings. He’s just doing what’s best for his son, okay?

That child is going to be spoiled AF. Always wanting to be held or next to his papa.

Diavolo isn’t allowed to do the chest carrier because he gets so excited about stuff he might sling the kid around on accident (Barbatos banned it after he held the baby through some paperwork and spent half the time playing with his feet).

Can never get over how tiny his son is, or how he can hold him in one hand. Somehow works it into every conversation.

Will work his kid into every conversation. Has pictures to go along with it.

His official Devilgram is 80% his kid or you (or both), 5% Barbatos, 5% other people, and 10% bad shots he doesn’t know how to delete.

Almost all of his Devilgram videos were taken by Barbatos because Diavolo absolutely loses it when the baby speaks gibberish. He dies laughing and just can’t hold it together. The video is just shaky and blurry otherwise.

You’d think every time he sees him is the first time because Diavolo is so smitten and amazed

The Little D’s of the castle are always giggling to themselves and racing to tell you that they caught Diavolo peppering kisses on his little baby forehead or fists.

He’s a really involved and happy dad. Childlike and joyful by nature, he’s super invested in his kid. Sometimes it’s like you have two, but Diavolo means well.

Decent at all reverse psychology ploys. Kid doesn’t want mommy’s affection? More for him! Kid’s not hungry? He’ll eat it, then (and the dessert that they totally can’t have now)!

Can’t really discipline. Feels too guilty. Threatens the child with Barbatos or you.

Is really surprised when the kid has a ‘mom day’ where it seems like he doesn’t exist but totally understands (”Your mom has that affect on me, too.”)

Hope you liked it :)

#Obey me!#Obey me! x Reader #Diavolo x Reader

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cupcakemolotov · 4 years ago

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Far From the Shallow Now

Synopsis: Caroline needs to get her head on straight after the ball and is still awake when Klaus drops by.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence × Pre-Relationship × Technically Tyler and Caroline Are Still Together × No cheating × Still Mostly Tyler Friendly × A Moment After the Ball × a what if × Domestic Fluff × Sort Of ×

A tiny pieces would be part of the random snippet series. Just a bit of a what if Caroline had been up when Klaus dropped off the drawing. You can read it here on A03 if you prefer.

The kitchen smelled like her childhood. Warm brown sugar and melting chocolate, the memory of afternoons spent baking with her dad were precious moments that still ached. Pre-vampire Caroline has really hated cooking, and she’d found her opinion hadn’t changed much over the past few months. But baking? With its necessary precision and attention to detail, even the most finicky of recipes soothed her. It had been her dad that had first put a wooden spoon in her hand, who had sighed at her scrunched nose and red face and smoothed her bangs.

“Come on, Care Bear. Let’s try a new recipe today. I’ll let you pick.”

But those memories had been filled with afternoon sunshine and the blare of a radio, and they had been a long time ago. Long before the silence between her parents had grown cold and Bill’s business trips had taken longer and longer. Her childhood was bittersweet and it clogged her throat to think of all the things she’d lost.

But that was for another night.

Tonight, all she had was the silence of her home and the shadows of the neighborhood around her. With her mom working the graveyard shift, she had the house to herself. It had been a relief to come home to shadows and silence after the noise and color of the ball. A chance to process and detox, push away the memory of Klaus’ hands on her skin, the boyish, curling smile on his face and the anger as she’d walked away from him. Breath shuddering in her throat, she stirred the cookie dough a little more thoroughly.

A little pre-baking cleaning had helped calm her juggling nerves and here she was, getting worked up again. The fridge was stuffed with sympathy casseroles, and she’d thrown out dozens of wilting flower arrangements. The cards were neatly stacked and organized in piles alphabetically and according to whom she still needed to reply to.

Her mom probably wouldn’t even notice.

Tomorrow’s project would involve freezing what was left of the food that her mom would eat, she’d already packed the leftovers into Tupperware so she could return the pans to her neighbors. But her dad had taught her to never return a dish empty, so at least her midnight baking would have a purpose. Absently licking at a smear of cookie dough, Caroline watched the clock on the oven click over past 3 AM, and mentally counted her blood bags. She’d need an extra tomorrow, to offset her lack of sleep, but her mind couldn’t stop spinning.

Is it so hard to believe I fancy you?

She’d showered as soon as she’d gotten home, needing to remove Klaus’ lingering scent from her skin. She scrubbed herself pink with her favorite soap, and stood in the shower far longer than needed. The dress was already folded and packed in the box it had arrived in, her bra and underwear at the bottom of her dirty clothes hamper. Now she was sitting in her kitchen in old cheer sweats, and surrounded by two dozen cookies while she worked on the next batch.

And nothing had managed to stop the wheels spinning in her head.

Running a hand down her face, Caroline tried again to decide how she felt about the fiasco that had been her night. The dancing, the hunger and lust in his gaze, those falsely boyish smiles and the rage that had burned when she’d flung his diamonds back at his face.

Klaus had meant every word he’d said and none of it. That was the game he played. Perfection and coercion, falsely sweet words that clung like poisoned honey. It’d been easier to push aside her curiosity, that niggling fascination for how his brain worked before he’d turned his gaze towards her.

Klaus was a monster. But he was a smart one, always steps and steps ahead of his enemies. She didn’t want him, she needed to not want him, and she was pretty sure he didn’t want her either, and it stiffened her shoulders to think he saw her as the distraction Damon insisted she play or his very own potential Trojan horse.

She would never betray her friends.

But Caroline didn’t want to die.

Eyes closing at the thought, she took a careful breath. The games Damon played were dangerous. Esther, Bonnie, all his siblings were spinning on a course that could only lead to collateral damage, and she was sick of it.

Tyler too sometimes only saw her as useful. Her dad had died helping him and still the last time they’d talked he’d wanted her to play more games. As if she wasn’t drowning in grief and what if’s, as if her world hadn’t been twisted as violently as his, as if she wasn’t trapped in a spiderweb she had no idea how to escape. Her fingers tightened on the wooden spoon, and she exhaled slowly.

She and Tyler hadn’t chosen what had been done to them but they could choose how they responded and she was starting to feel less and less comfortable about the bitterness he carried. The hard edge of rage. Whatever had happened when he left and found Hayley had sharpened parts of Tyler she hadn’t known were there and she wondered what he saw when he looked at her. If what he saw made him as uncomfortable as it made her.

Lips flattening at the thought, she reached for the bag of chocolate chips and froze at the sounds of her front door opening. Eyes snapping up, body going taut at the potential threat, her stomach knotted at the sight of Klaus stepping into her home.

For a long moment, they just studied each other.

In the hours since she’d left the ball, he’d ditched his jacket and bow tie, his white waistcoat nowhere to be found. His hair was no longer so perfectly arranged, he’d rolled his shirt sleeves to bare his forearms, and if that wasn’t enough to spike her blood pressure, he still wore his suspenders. Hidden behind the counter-top, her nails dug reflexively into her palm. He’d been stupidly good looking earlier at the ball with his sly smiles and dimpled promises, but this? Rumpled, lips bitten red, his gaze dragging along her body with a slow perusal that set her nerves of fire was something else entirely.

Klaus smiled slow, cheeks creasing, all of the anger from before tucked beneath charm and guile. “I’m surprised you’re still awake, love.”

“Your family is exhausting,” she agreed tartly, straightening her spine. “But of the two of us, I’m the only or who is expected to be here at all. Kind of rude, just bargaining in, don’t you think?”

He gave an elegant little shrug and strolled closer. Her jaw flexed, and he reached into his pocket, pulling out a velvet box and setting it on an empty space on the counter. “I do have an invitation. And perhaps it is also just as rude, don’t you think, to return gifts?”

Shoving the wooden spoon back into the cookie dough before she was tempted to smack him with it, Caroline settled a hand on her hip and faked her bravado. “It’s way ruder to offer gifts with so many strings in the first place.”

An amused glance from beneath his lashes before he peered at her cooling racks of cookies. “Most women enjoy apology jewelry.”

“I must have missed the apology.”

One dimple peaked high on his smile and he snagged a cookie. “I didn’t realize you baked.”

She narrowed her eyes as he took a bite, his clear dodge. This entire conversation felt surreal, a little bit domestic, and a lot concerning. Wasn’t she just thinking about how dangerous he was? This, this charm, only highlighted that danger. He slipped so easily from mood to mood, as mercurial as the wind and she needed to remember that.

Promises or no.

“It’s not like we really exchange small talk. And that’s the only cookie you get. I have a dozen dishes to fill and I need this done before mom gets home.” She tipped her chin towards the dining room table where the clean dishes and tinfoil were waiting for her. She was willing to bet he'd already noted the dishes, but so what. “So why don't you get to your point and leave?”

Klaus made a thoughtful noise as he finished the cooking, dusting his hands of crumbs. “Need help?”

“From you? Absolutely not.” The words slipped out before she could catch him and find something politer to say. This was her grief, her method of coping. He didn't get an opinion and he didn't get to pretend they were friends. Not when he wold kill all of them if he thought it necessary. This? This mess and this grief and this small thing to help her mom was hers.

The smile died on his face but she didn’t flinch. She didn't know what he read on his face, but his head tipped in a silent acknowledgement. Instead of baiting her more, his hand returned to his pocket, and this time he produced a rolled up piece of parchment.

Caroline looked at it warily. “What is that?”

“Part of the apology,” he murmured as he set it delicately on top of the box holding the diamonds. “The bracelet is yours love, no strings. Do with it what you will. As for the rest.” He paused, blue eyes narrowed as he studied her, a hint of gold burning the edges of his iris. “The games my mother plays are not kind to her pawns. Be sure you don’t find yourself in over your head, Caroline.”

She lifted her chin to hide her tremble. “Threats?”

“Call it a warning.” Klaus said. “Likely the only one you’ll get.” Just as quickly, that sense of danger melted under another smile and he snagged a second cookie before turning and sauntering away at her protest.She slid her tongue between her teeth at the sight of just how well his pants were tailored and the way the suspenders highlighted the length of his back. The image was going to be burned behind her eyes for days.

As if he could sense her gaze dragging down his spine, he cast one more boyish smile at her as he opened her door. “The cookies were delicious, love. I do so look forward to learning what other secrets you're keeping.”

She watched him go, barely breathing, a mix of alarm and arousal mixing with adrenaline. So many layers. The hidden threat in his words, the reminder that he could walk into her home whenever he wished. The return of the bracelet, that little bit of claim he’d laid on her life.

An apology.

Swallowing, she wiped her shaking hands on her sweats and reached for the parchment. It unrolled to show the familiar lines of her face and the perfect image of a horse.

Thank you for your honesty.

Swallowing, she set the drawing down and didn’t know what to think.

#my fic #klaroline #klaroline fanfic #I am on a roll #woot #only a billion more files to go #oh well #one at a time and all that

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blueboltkatana · 4 years ago

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I'm gonna make tmnt 2003 headcanons for the turtles because this fandom must be kept alive at all cost! Here i go beware of longpost, cuteness, angst and gay:

Part #1-> Leo:

- the day he stops making dad puns is the day Shredder resigns and becomes a farmer

- whenever he makes a really corny one Mikey just drops everything and acts like he's having a stroke

- Cannot cook to save his poor life but it will not stop him from trying, he just wants to help Mike! "Hell no out of my kitchen Donnie just fixed the microwave!"

- Loves gardening so much, he's not the best with animals but he kills it with plants. He's got a green thumb if you know what i mean...

- He can only cook well when he's drunk. How'd they find that out you ask? They all got hammered when they turned 21 and blue boy got up and cooked breakfast at 3am and it was delicious how the fuck?!

- they have pics (thanks April and Casey) of him looking extremely concentrated while cracking an egg. April framed it.

- he was a pretty picky eater as a kid but outgrew it

- doesn't partecipate in prank wars because he's too op and outpranks everyone (except master splinter) so he's been banned

- is the only one who studied japanese well and has lengthy conversations with master splinter.

- walks into Donnie's lab when it's time to eat and just looks at him, doesn't speak a word, just stares deadeye for a few seconds and then leaves. It scares Donnie shitless every time but it gets him out of the lab so...

- calls Mikey *Raph* by mistake all the time, only does this with Mikey, still can't understand why he does that

- is a clean freak and very minimalistic. Which means he avoids Mikey's and Donnie's rooms like the plague.

- watches anime with Mikey (who forced them all to watch at least one) and comments on the fight scenes all the damn time. Raph does that too, and they fight about it constantly

- his favorite thing to do is to pick up on popular trends once they've died and do them around Mikey to drive him crazy "noo someone ate my yogurt!" "Ah that's so sad Alexa play Take on me" "Leonardo i am begging you to stop"

- Donnie is skinnier than his brothers since he doesn't eat much, being in his lab working all the time and all, so Leo walks in every hour to make sure he stays hydrated and has a snack. And smacks him in the head once in a while to "get the engine working"

- Being the oldest, he used to lie to his brothers about things to make them seem cooler than they are or just to sound like he knew his shit, Donnie caught on quickly unfortunately

- he still keeps his old teddy bear to sleep with, then again that's better than Mikey's 5 feet long Sasuke body pillow

- Raph used to make a bit fun of him for not showing any interest in girls as in "are you too honorable for hormones as well?" Until they figure out he's gay and it's a very "Ooohhh" moment for the whole family

- he has trouble sleeping sometimes and when it gets bad you notice cause he knocks into things

- he does the very unhealthy thing of "instead of dealing with this i will exhaust myself then pass out" and that usually results in a braindead turtle wandering around the lair eating cereal at 6 pm and not responding to his own name until the third call then passing out on the couch

- he still keeps some of Mikey's earliest comic drawing attempts, the first thing Raph knitted him (a cute beanie) as well as this toy car Donnie fixed all on his own for his birthday, because he's a sentimental slut

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #leonardo tmnt #tmnt donatello #tmnt headcanons #tmnt mikey #tmnt ralph #leonardo #raphael #donatello #michelangelo #leosagi #this is only part one

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pept0-dismal · 4 years ago

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SFW and NSFW Tokoyami Fumikage x Reader Headcanons :) (female reader)

tokoyami is such an amazing and underrated character! he’s seriously one of my actual favs and he deserves some headcanons :)

(i feel like this song fits him so well for some odd reason)

SFW:

•it took ALL of the courage in the world for our amazing bird boi to ask you out. it was very simple and sweet. he approached you after class one day and asked if you wanted to go out to dinner with him, his face heated up and he looked at the floor as he asked. it completely took him by surprise when you said yes, and his heart fluttered at your smile, more than it usually did when he saw you. that night, he took you to a simple cafe, and made sure to pay for dinner, despite you insisting you pay for yourself. after that, he walked through the park with you, and there, he sat you down on a bench and asked if you wanted the two of you to be a thing. when you said yes, he felt himself shudder with happiness and put his hand on yours, staring deeply into your eyes. you two were about to share a romantic moment when dark shadow appeared and decided to loudly yell “SCORE! you finally got her, toko!” (tokoyami was incredibly embarrassed and you made it worse by laughing)

•tokoyami is incredibly insecure about not being able to kiss you due to his beak, and it eats away at him so much because he wants nothing more than to hold you in his arms and kiss you with all of his heart. instead, he will lightly nudge and nuzzle his beak against your cheek or neck as a replacement. you insist on kissing his beak when he’s feeling anxious or soft, and it makes him calm down a lot.

•continuing on from his insecurities about not being able to kiss you, he hugs you and holds your hand as much as he can. there are dates you like to have where it’s just the two of you snuggling up and watching a movie (usually something horror related or tim burton) or some sort of documentary.

•this boy has so many incredible and deep thoughts about you, so he spills them out into long, beautifully and carefully written love letters in gorgeous, swooping cursive handwriting. he puts his heart and soul into all of his works. not only that, he loves writing passionate and heartfelt poetry about how much you completely fill his mind and the light he sees in you and your smile. he’ll sit you down and read them to you, and these usually leave you in tears.

•surprisingly, tokoyami is a pretty good cook. it can be hard because while dark shadow can be helpful in the kitchen, he might throw something at you like an egg or some flour when tokoyami isn’t looking and then blame it on our favorite bird boy. tokoyami is great with traditional japanese meals, but also has a good hand at italian cuisine, too.

•SUCH A SYMPATHETIC BOYFRIEND WHEN YOU’RE ON YOUR PERIOD. he won’t hesitate to go out and buy supplies (even though dark shadow would tease him the whole time), and will be over at your dorm with a heating pad, snacks, and anything else you need as quickly as he can. he hates seeing you in pain, but will still stick by your side if your cramps are getting to the point where you’re crying or even throwing up.

•tokoyami has struggled with sleeping for ages, especially with dark shadow around to bug him. but, you always make an effort to sneak into his dorm at night and snuggle up with him so he can sleep through the night with you in his arms. he always gets better sleep with you around, and sometimes, as you’re falling asleep, you’ll hear him mutter to himself about how lucky he is to have you and that he adores you. once aizawa caught you sneaking out of his dorm, he lectured the both of you, but when you ensured that it was nothing sexual and that you were only there to help him sleep, he surprisingly eased up and just said not to get caught again. it actually made you crack up how at one point you came out of your boyfriend’s room and saw aizawa in the hall, and he immediately looked away as if he didn’t see you. (aizawa is incredibly supportive of your relationship if you couldn’t tell).

•tokoyami is very protective over you. if you and your lovely partner will be walking anywhere, you bet his fingers are intertwined with yours to make sure he doesn’t lose you.

•tokoyami is pretty smart, so he’ll always be there to help out with homework when you need it and you arrange study dates (though it might end early in cuddles, or, well... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

•such a closeted cuddle bug. he’s incredibly touch starved, and cuddling just makes his entire day. even out in public, he’ll have an arm very lightly draped around your waist. alone, the two of you are practically inseparable. he likes being the big spoon, but will definitely be the little one if you’d like, or after an incident during a mission that he was nearly killed. he gets much more clingy after missions, especially if either of your lives are threatened. tokoyami also loves when you put an arm across his waist and lay your head on his chest, his arms around you. you always comment about how you can hear his heart beating faster when you’re in that position. when he’s feeling particularly soft, he might bury his face in your chest and put his arms around you. while watching movies or occasionally getting him to play video games, he’ll have you sit between his legs and hold you from behind, his beak nuzzled against your shoulder and neck.

•lots of pet names!!! his favorites for you are “princess,” “my queen,” “mi amor” (in reference to gomez addams, and always makes sure to nuzzle his beak against your hand as he says this), “love,” “my sweet,” “my phoenix,” and “angel.” he doesn’t mind being called pet names, but he definitely has a soft spot for you calling him “my king,” or “darling.”

NSFW:

•when you finally say that you’re ready to sleep with him, tokoyami freezes on the spot. he never thought you’d be willing to go far with him, but now, you bet he can barely contain his excitement (though he hides it well, as usual).

•your first time with him has a few bumps here and there, as well a few awkward instances, but the two of you are both able to pleasure the other person in the end. he’s an incredibly selfless and passionate lover, and it’s the same way in bed. he likes to draw out foreplay and let you feel good.

•the second tokoyami met you and realized he had feelings for you, you bet your ass dark shadow was the BIGGEST pain around him, especially at night. just has tokoyami could feel himself finally falling asleep, dark shadow would appear and quietly whisper incredibly lewd things about you to him, just completely taunting him. it would always be things like “i wonder if when (y/n) cums, her eyes stay open or they stay shut...” or “remember the way she was eating that lollipop today? imagine it as something else...” it ALWAYS makes tokoyami incredibly flustered (and hard), and it’s hard to look you in the eye the next day.

•speaking of, dark shadow can either enhance or ruin your sexy times with tokoyami. he might appear and make a dumb comment to throw off the mood, or he might reach around and wrap a hand around your throat and start rubbing your clit while you’re riding your boyfriend. dark shadow is quite the wild card.

•purple or red LED lights. that’s all i can say.

•going back to tokoyami’s insecurity again, he hates the fact that he can’t go down on you, especially because of how much he likes to focus the pleasure on you. instead, you VERY quickly discover how good he is with his fingers. he always makes sure to finger you before you two fuck, and he prides himself on how easily he can get you off. at one point, he had a lot of pent up aggression from an arguement with bakugou from earlier that really got under his skin, and he was much more aggressive than usual while fingering you and actually made you squirt all over his hand and arm. when he saw you do that, he accidentally came on the spot in his boxers and was an odd combination of incredibly aroused but also embarrassed by his actions. ever since then, he’s tried to make you squirt every time the two of you get together (and he usually succeeds in this).

•when it comes to receiving oral, tokoyami loves it. one of his favorite sights (and one that he’s admittedly fantasized about during a few tug sessions) was you on your knees in front of him, your mouth around him as you stared up at him. he lets you set the pace, but there are sometimes that he might thrust into your mouth and grip your hair tightly.

•between being an ass or a boobs guy, tokoyami throws that question for a loop and actually loves everything about you, but if he had to choose between the two, he’s a bit more of an ass guy. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate your chest at all. one thing to do to tease him is wear revealing or tight clothing, and he’ll be a blushing mess. he gets flustered when walking behind you, especially if you’re wearing jeans because he really can’t help but look. sometimes, to be a pain, you’ll wear something like a camisole or a tight button up and make sure to bend over his shoulder to help him out with some something while he’s sitting, only for him to turn and get a face full of titty.

•has a relatively moderate sex drive, despite his age and dark shadow being a pain at night. that definitely doesn’t mean he isn’t quick to get hard if you tease him. he can probably go at it once or twice a week, sometimes more depending on how high your sex drive is. if yours is a bit higher, he can try to match yours, but he might just end up fingering you instead of actual sex if you’re desperate.

•tokoyami has a few kinks in mind, and he gets flustered about them. he’s a dom-leaning switch, so he doesn’t mind being submissive to you occasionally, but those are rare moments, and you’ll usually have to ask for those times. he does have a thing for light bondage, like tying your wrists together with his belt or taking out some rope or handcuffs. it admittedly strokes his ego to see you tied up so he can do whatever he pleases. one that he really keeps secret is wax play, considering all of the many candles in his room. it always makes him feel hot and heavy as you squirm and let out whimpers and occasional squeaks as he pours the candle wax all over your chest, thighs, back, and ass. also, MAJOR praise kink (he enjoys praising you and vice versa). tell him how much you love his cock, and how great he’s making you feel. he’ll make sure to tell you that he loves the sight of you panting and moaning for him, how much he loves the sound of your voice saying his name, everything. lastly, he hates to admit it, but overstimulation is a big thing for him, especially with fingering you. if you have been needy and horny all day and bothering him, he’ll make sure that you’re gonna kinda regret bothering him as he did his homework. he’ll have you tied down and prop your legs open, then finger you until it nearly hurts to cum anymore. tokoyami actually bought a cheaper version of a hitachi wand just for moments like this, so he’ll have dark shadow hold it on your clit on a high setting while he goes to work on you. these are times where he doesn’t mind his quirk coming in to help, and actually smirks because dark shadow will relentlessly taunt you and your moans. it doesn’t matter how cramped his arm is, tokoyami will make sure that he gets just one more orgasm out of you before he’s satisfied.

•even though it’s mentioned earlier that tokoyami prefers to be dominant, one of his favorite positions is without a doubt having you in his lap as you ride him. he’ll let you set the pace (at first), but will eventually grow a bit unhinged and hold your hips still as he thrusts into you at his preferred pace, the two of you always looking each other in the eye. he also enjoys the simplicity of missionary. once again, you two can maintain eye contact and it’s a relatively easy position that isn’t too physically strenuous on either of you.

•aftercare is always sweet and loving. he cleans you up if needed (he usually has a condom on him, but if he doesn’t, he always makes sure not to cum inside you), then snuggles up with you, enjoying some peace and your presence. he whispers all sorts of kind things to you and let’s you relax. if you eventually fall asleep, he might stay awake for a bit longer and just take in the sight of you and how lucky he is to share such intimate times with you. he likes to think about your future together as he too eventually falls asleep.

#bnha headcanons #bnha fanfiction #bnha x reader #mha headcanons #mha x reader #mha tokoyami #tokoyami fukimage #mha fumikage #fumikage tokoyami #anime #my hero x reader #my hero academia

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saviorsbookcafe · 4 years ago

Text

The Savior’s Book Café in Another World: Chapter 4

INDEX || PREVIOUS || NEXT

Chapter 4: Interaction

Translated by: sydney Proofread by: Necro

My first customer, a man named Ill, came back to my café the next day at the same time.

Unlike yesterday, when he arrived seeming very tense, today he seems very excited.

As another person who loves books, I know that feeling well.

“Welcome.”

“Excuse me, could I borrow the book you were holding for me again?”

“Yes, of course. Here you are.”

After I handed him the book I had been holding onto, he sat at the same table as yesterday.

I explained that there’s also a private room, and he hesitated for a moment before saying he’d move if someone else came.

The seat he’s sitting at is near the fire, and is in a very good place for getting new books from the shelves, so he probably likes that seat.

I hand him the menu, and after looking at it for a short time, he orders several things, all of which are more filling items.

Maybe he just wasn’t very hungry yesterday.

Maybe it’s because he’s a man, but he’s also part of the Knights, meaning he would probably be fighting a lot.

I wonder if he’s training, since he seems to be in good shape, or maybe he’s just the type to eat a lot.

I bring him enough things to bury the small one-person table, and after eating the main meal, he begins reading while eating the last things with one hand.

It makes me glad to see him take one bite and be surprised before continuing to eat with a smile.

As someone who enjoys cooking, it makes me very happy when people enjoy eating what I’ve made for them.

I look away so I don’t disturb his reading, and open my own book.

From then on, he came almost every day.

He always comes to the café around the same time, once it gets to evening, after he’s finished working for the day.

He leaves at different times, but he always seems to want to stay as long as possible.

It was over a month later of him coming to the café, around the time when we had begun talking more and more.

Recently, while I’m making his order, he’ll sometimes come to the counter and talk with me.

We always talk about books, telling each other which ones are interesting or which ones we’d recommend, things along those lines.

Every book he’s introduced me to has been interesting, and every time I stock new books, he always says they’re books he’s wanted to read.

It’s peaceful, and while I thought that once customers started coming I would lose time for reading, getting excited about books with someone with the same taste as me is only fun.

“The books you stock always look interesting, every time I come I spend a long time deciding which one to read next.”

“Me too. All of the books you’ve told me about have been so interesting, once I get them in, I can’t decide where to start.”

“I know that if I start reading while I’m worried, I can only read so much.”

“It’s difficult, isn’t it? Although the time spent worrying is still enjoyable.”

I’ve never had someone I could talk to like this before, so spending time talking with him has become another thing I look forward to recently.

Most of my friends from my old world weren’t the type to read much.

It was as I was talking with him and was putting the finishing touches on his food.

Even as I focused on putting the last touches on, we didn’t stop talking.

“The new book you got the other day was very interesting. I was surprised when everything turned around at the last part.”

“Right, I know! No one could have predicted that!” I replied enthusiastically, before frantically covering my mouth with my hands.

He looks at me with a slightly surprised expression, and I break out into a cold sweat, thinking, Now I’ve done it.

I was focused on cooking, but I was also so excited that he felt the same that I started talking to him like we were close friends.

“I-I’m sorry. I haven’t had anyone else to be excited with about books like this before. I was just happy that someone else felt the same way when reading the same part of the same book...,” I frantically apologized, and his expression changed to a gentle smile.

And then in the somewhat awkward atmosphere, he opened his mouth.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. I haven’t had anyone to talk to about books like this before either. Um...if it’s okay, I’d be happy if you wanted to be more like friends, sort of like reading companions.”

“Huh?”

From his personality, I didn’t think that he would be angry, but I didn’t expect him to say that.

Not that it doesn’t make me happy.

“Um, are you sure?”

“Yeah. Even though I’ve been teased for being a bookworm, I’ve never had the chance to talk with anyone who likes reading as much as I do. And there’s the benefit of it being easier to stay here longer if you became friends with me.”

He smiles, his reply serious but with a joke thrown in as well.

I unconsciously let out a breath at his words, and then look him in the eyes and smile.

“That would be nice.... I’d like that.”

“I’m happy to hear that.”

I stopped using the polite language I had been using towards him, and he started speaking with me more informally as well.

Somehow, it seems that not only did I get my ideal café in this other world, but I got my ideal friend.

Immediately after, he introduced himself properly to me, and I was surprised to learn that he’s the Knight Captain in this country.

Apparently ‘Ill’ is a nickname, and his actual name is ‘Soeil.’

Ever since I found out about this country’s information notices, or rather, the pamphlets where the planned monster subjugations are written that are passed out periodically, I’ve read it every day, and the mentioned Knight Captain’s name was the same.

Since it’s always the two of us in the café, I don’t need to use his name when we talk, so I never noticed.

He told me just to call him ‘Ill,’ but it felt like I’d become friends with a really amazing person.

But now I can probably talk about books without holding back.

It seems he was thinking the same, as from that day on he sat at the counter and we had deeper conversations than before.

A short while after we became friends, we became comfortable talking to each other without holding back, and before I knew it, it felt like we were rapidly becoming closer.

It’s fun, knowing that even if I talked enough to make the average person draw back, I would get even more in response.

I never thought it would make me this happy to find someone who I could talk about something I love with from the bottom of my heart.

As it seemed that he was always looking forward to coming here, I began looking forward to opening the café door for him.

And precisely because we became friends, there was one thing that I began to worry about.

More accurately, I was worried about it before as well, but I couldn’t well bother a customer about it, so I tried to simply ignore it.

He looked forward to coming to the café, but as soon as he entered, he would let out a big sigh that seemed to be of relief.

There were always faint bags under his almond-shaped eyes, and while he would seem to be enjoying himself when reading, when he was leaving the café, he would let out another sigh, this one seeming to be of depression, as he left.

Both of these sighs seemed somehow subconscious.

Since it doesn’t seem like he dislikes the café, maybe there’s something he doesn’t like before and after coming here.

I watched as he rode away after sighing as he left again today, and closed up the café. Before I go to sleep, I think while looking at the book in front of me.

Being a Knight Captain must be stressful sometimes, so maybe he’s just sighing because he’s stressed or tired?

Like me, he relieves stress by reading, so maybe it would help to stock some new books, I think, returning my gaze to the open book in front of me.

My current lifestyle includes spending the morning reading, then in the afternoon I work on new developments for the menu or otherwise organizing the café, and once Ill arrives, I spend that time either reading or studying magic.

I spend most of my time reading by far, but the book on my lap today is a magic textbook.

This book has quite the variety of spells, including several that seem useful for using around the café.

As I’m flipping through the pages, one spell stands out to me, and I carefully read its description.

“...this is it.”

A type of fatigue restoration magic that you cast on food or drinks.

In other words, it’s as if a health food took effect immediately, and it doesn’t seem to have any negative effects on the consumer’s body.

It’s a spell that helps you recover from fatigue and simultaneously accelerates recovery from injuries.

“‘After using the spell to recover once, you can take a slightly weaker version daily to reduce fatigue in general....’”

It seems like this spell is usually used in restaurants or hospitals, and it falls under the class of advanced magic.

Enchanted items tend to jump up in price based on the magic used, and it says using this magic without changing the flavor of the food consumes a considerable amount of magic.

‘At famous high-class restaurants, they sometimes have a specialist exclusively for casting these spells’?

A good sense for handling magic is required is also written in red letters to stand out, so it seems that by nature this isn’t the kind of magic that would be used in a personal café like mine.

“The amount of magic it costs isn’t a problem, and I have no need to raise my prices. All that’s left is to see if I can actually use it properly.”

This way, Ill won’t think anything is strange, so I decide to try it out and brew a cup of tea for myself.

I followed the book’s instructions and casted the spell.

It doesn’t look any different, and it doesn’t taste any different either.

I get the feeling that my shoulders are suddenly lighter, but it could just be my imagination, so I decide to test out for certain whether or not this magic worked.

“Umm, in order to see for certain whether or not this recovery magic works, I’m supposed to cast a light offensive spell.... Offensive spell....”

After a moment of thinking, I face my cup of tea and try to cast an offensive spell.

The flame in my hand made a pathetic fizzling sound, barely making a ripple on the cup of tea upon impact.

This is terrible, even a child could cast a better offensive spell.

The cup of tea sparkled brightly, indicating that the magic is working, so it seems like at least the restoration spell itself was fine.

“...I can light the fireplace, so why?”

Even the spells I can normally cast, as soon as I try to imagine them as offensive spells, they turn into pathetic knock-offs.

No matter what type, they all turn into the same thing, so I suppose even if I learn offensive spells I won’t be able to use them.

If that’s the case, I’ll master defensive magic to protect myself, I decided.

The recovery magic seems to have been a success, so my goal is accomplished.

“I wonder if it won’t recover all at once. But it said it has a strong effect...oh, it says, ‘It may be difficult to feel the effects at first, but once you go to sleep, you will recover immediately.’“

If I wake up tomorrow and feel fine, then I’ll put restoration magic on Ill’s food without saying anything about it.

He’s already asked me if the café’s prices are really alright.

If I talk about the restoration magic, then it might make him worry about it more.

If we were just café owner and customer, this might be a little much, but as reading companions, I think it’ll be okay.

He isn’t the type of person to hate this, and we don’t have a shallow friendship where this would be inappropriate.

“I hope that with this, he’ll feel even just a little better.”

The day after I learned that new spell, I woke up feeling amazing.

“My body, it feels so light!” I say without thinking, sitting up in my bed.

I can’t feel any of the stiffness in my shoulders that comes from reading so much, nor do I feel the slightest bit tired from having just woken up.

I almost wanted to go for a run right now, my body felt so good.

Of course, with the snow piled up outside, I have no intention of actually doing that.

“It isn’t called ‘Advanced Magic’ for nothing.”

Grateful that part of being a Savior means having such strong magic, I stand up and open the window to look outside.

As usual, the snow is piled up, but today the sun is out, so it looks like good weather.

With my body feeling light and the warm sun outside, wearing thicker clothes and spending my morning reading on the veranda today might be nice.

I bring a warm cup of tea and cookies, and open my book on my lap on the veranda outside.

It’s the start of a worthwhile day.

It’s not like I had been feeling particularly tired until now, but of course when your body is lighter your mood is better.

I finished all of the work I had actually planned to divide among several days, and came up with a new menu.

I was working all day, but my body didn’t get tired.

If it didn’t cost any more than one cup of tea to get this effect then it should be fine if I give it to Ill as well.

He’ll probably come in the evening today too, so if he can recover from his fatigue then he should be a little more relaxed mentally as well.

Speaking of which, it’s about the time he normally comes.

When I looked at the horse paddock earlier, the grass seemed to be diminishing considerably, so I’ll grow some more, I think, putting aside the book on my lap and standing up.

I’ve only ever seen Ill inside the café, so I’ve never seen his horse.

I like animals, so I wonder if Ill would let me pet his horse, I think, opening the door outside.

As soon as the door is open, I feel a cold wind blowing, as expected since it’s getting close to evening.

It was warm this morning, but this is a snow country.

“It’s so cold, I’m glad this country is peaceful, but if it’s snowing all year round.... I have the feeling it’ll take awhile before I get used to this.”

The roads that people use are fundamentally enchanted so the snow doesn’t pile up on them, but that doesn’t change how cold it is, and lately I’ve been missing having four seasons.

Although it sounds like the other large countries each have one season, spring, summer, or fall, all year long as well.

At least in winter I can manage by wearing extra clothes to keep warm, so it’s better than a summer country.

I hurry to the stable and open the door.

Thankfully the barrier keeps it warm, but the grass that should have been growing in the corner of the paddock is almost completely gone.

Maybe I should’ve cast a spell to make it grow automatically to an extent.

“Horses eat quite a bit. If anyone aside from Ill had started coming, I definitely wouldn’t have had enough.”

Speaking of which, don’t horses eat things aside from grass, like fruit or carrots?

I have horse feed prepared, but I kind of want to try offering fresh vegetables.

If they’re different from the horses in my old world, that wouldn’t work, so I’ll ask Ill if it’s okay to let his horse eat some.

Checking that he hasn’t come yet, I use my pendant to search for some apples and carrots and summon them.

I summoned them pre-cut and in a bowl, so that holding onto them like this wouldn’t be strange.

Carrying the bowl in my arms, I moved to the corner with the grass.

Even though I’ve already passed thirty, using magic is more fun than it should be.

If I lightly concentrate on a spell for growing grass, a magic circle appears and I could feel my spirits lift.

Then, if I use more of my magic, the magic circle expands, and grass grows where the magic circle touches.

Yeah, this is fun.

“...I think that’s good.”

Just as the area expands a little more, I stop using my magic and turn back to face the entrance only to meet eyes with Ill, who’s standing with a slightly surprised expression.

“Oh, welcome! Sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was just thinking I would add more grass to the paddock before you came.”

“Oh, uh, sorry, I didn’t say anything. I came a little earlier today.”

Next to Ill, who showed up out of nowhere, stood a pure white horse.

It’s much bigger than any of the horses at the farms in my old world, so I suppose this is what a war horse looks like.

It feels even bigger from up close, I notice as I walk towards it.

“You’re so big! It’s nice to meet you,” I say, looking up at it from below.

The horse seemed to take interest as well, moving its head down so I can get a better look at its face.

“Wow, you’re so pretty!”

It’s beautiful, even compared to other horses.

Its crisp features seemed to match Ill’s somehow, which I found amusing.

It has calm blue eyes that give it a gentle impression.

Its intrigued eyes widen, and it brings its head further down towards me.

“H-hey!”

Ill’s seemingly panicked voice echoes in the paddock, but his horse pays him no mind as it ducks its head towards me, or rather, the bowl I’m holding.

Its nose pokes at the bowl of vegetables.

“Ahaha, you like them don’t you? I prepared these thinking you’d be able to eat them, but,” I turn to Ill, asking, “is that okay? And is it okay if I pet your horse?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s fine. You can feed her.”

I held a piece of apple out, and she ate it from my hand.

Her eyes widen and sparkle brightly.

“You’re so cute, I’ll leave these in the food box for you and you can eat as much as you want.”

As if understanding me, she neighs happily and comes towards the box.

I’ve never had a horse come so close to me before, but animals are certainly cute.

“She’s so cute, can I pet her?”

“...yeah. She won’t hurt you, so just pet her nose like that.”

I stroke her nose the way Ill says.

Her eyes stayed just as gentle.

After petting her, I move my hand away, and she raises her head.

Unlike before, where her head was lowered for me, I probably wouldn’t be able to reach her nose like this.

“Ahh, animals really soothe me. Thanks for letting me pet her.”

“Oh, I don’t mind that at all. You’re not afraid?”

“Afraid? You mean, of horses?”

“Yeah.”

I never would have seen that question coming.

Certainly, horses are very big, so there are people who would be afraid, but unlike in my old world, horses are an important mode of transportation all over the country.

Not only that, but they’re unlikely to hurt anyone, and out of all of the animals I like, they’re one of my favorites.

For some reason, Ill has a serious expression on his face, which seems strange to me, but I answer his question.

“I’m not afraid, I’ve always liked horses. I think yours is especially pretty and cute.”

I look at her towards the end of my sentence, and she lowers her head for me again.

I pet her nose once more as I look over at Ill.

“The maids at the castle aren’t afraid either, are they? Since the horses are always helping us out.”

Hearing my answer, Ill is surprised for a moment, before looking downwards.

When he looks up again, his expression has changed to a happy smile.

“That’s right.... Thank you for the apples.”

“Of course, thank you for letting me pet her.”

As Ill released the reins, his horse happily ran towards the box I’d put the apples in.

His horse was so pretty that I could fall in love just looking at her.

In the café, there was a window that had a view of the horse paddock, with a curtain that I haven’t opened before, but if it meant I could see Ill’s horse running around I’d open it next time.

After watching his horse eat, her eyes sparkling, I faced Ill again.

“Oh, I got another book that you said you wanted to read.”

“Really?!” he asked, smiling happily and beginning to walk towards the café.

You don’t often see the customer leading the way, huh.

Noticing that his joyful smile looked similar to his horse’s sparkling eyes, I smile to myself.

They say pets take after their owners, but I hadn’t considered that to extend to horses and their riders.

Not only do both Ill and his horse have crisp features, they’ll both light up around the things they like in the exact same way.

I smile to myself again before following Ill into the café.

I hope the new novels I stocked today and the restoration magic help him feel better.

Once Tsukina and I became reading companions, we were able to enjoy reading together even more.

I couldn’t have imagined being able to talk this much with a woman my age almost every day, but since we both enjoy reading, being able to talk so deeply about books is unbelievably fun.

I also got my appetite back, as if it were never gone, and most of the books I’d given up on reading after not being able to get them were in that café.

If all the commotion with the Savior wasn’t going on, I probably could have enjoyed it even more.

As usual, the young Savior girl would not learn magic.

She had apparently seen one of the Knights’ horses out, and we were even ordered to be more careful with them.

The Knights’ irritation was past its peak.

Most of the members had left their horses at their parents’ or with friends, and decided to let the horses exercise there, far away from the castle.

Beork was continuing to work with the Princess to find a time and place.

It really is good that I found that café.

I can let my horse run around there, and I feel like going there immediately relieves me of my stress.

At any rate, even if the horses are big, what’s frightening about seeing them from far away?

Are they scary to women...to Tsukina too?

That concern was resolved by none other than Tsukina herself.

Watching Tsukina pet my beloved horse with a smile on her face was relieving.

At first I thought I’d made a mistake.

In any case, I’d wanted to get away from the young Savior girl, so I left the castle faster than usual which was bad.

I was relieved to arrive at the café, and I opened up the gate to the horse paddock without checking inside first, which was careless of me.

In the paddock that I thought was empty, Tsukina was using some kind of magic in the corner.

In the middle of the growing magic circle, grass begins to grow from the ground.

Growing plants is a considerably advanced type of creation magic, and growing them from nothing even more so.

Along with how well the barrier worked, and the magic in the café in even the smallest places, I’m impressed at how amazing her magic and magic control are.

I began thinking in the back of my mind about how nice it would be if she were a Savior.

Watching her turn around and her expression change to one of surprise, I immediately forget about those thoughts.

Next to me is my beloved horse, a huge horse, one that the Savior fears upon simply seeing.

She might be afraid of them too, I realize as I straighten my back, afraid of what might happen.

This is my beloved horse that I’ve left my life in the hands of, so if Tsukina, who I’ve built up a good relationship with, rejects her....

But it seems that was also an unnecessary worry.

She tells my horse It’s nice to meet you with the same cheerful smile she always wears, and compliments her.

My horse is happy to be complimented.

Even when she sticks her nose in the bowl Tsukina’s holding, Tsukina doesn’t get upset, offering her an apple and coming closer to pet her with a happy smile.

“The maids at the castle aren’t afraid either, are they?” she asked, making me realize I’ve forgotten about that.

I detested that at some point, the Savior girl had become the standard in my mind, but I was wholly relieved that Tsukina didn’t reject me.

Tsukina follows that up by telling me that she had gotten a book I wanted to read in, and I quickly head towards the café.

There may be a lot going on at the castle, but at least once I finish work I’m able to come here.

A place I can relax with my favorite books and delicious food.

When I find books I want to talk about, I can talk about them with her.

When I open the door and she meets me with a gentle smile, I finally feel like I can breathe.

The times I can’t go because of work are unbearably disappointing.

Before, once I finished work, I would go directly back to my room and read, but lately I’ve felt like I can relax better in this café than in my own room.

The several months since finding this café, I’ve come here every day so long as I didn’t have something I absolutely couldn’t get out of.

I step into the café I know so well now, and Tsukina follows with a cheerful smile.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, it’s nothing. What do you want today?”

“I had tea yesterday, so today I’ll have coffee. Can I order something to eat later?”

“Yes, that’s fine. I’ll have the coffee out in a minute.”

I watch her head towards the counter, and choose a book before moving to my usual seat.

There is quite a variety of drinks, so I’ve been ordering something different every day, and they’re all delicious.

Maybe I’ll ask if she would sell me some tea leaves or coffee beans, I thought, opening my book.

After some time, she brings me the coffee I asked for.

Just like always, it’s delicious, and I let out an impressed sound at the feeling of it going down my throat.

Whether it’s because of sitting in a place I like drinking a warm drink, my body suddenly feels lighter.

The sound of quiet music, the crackling fire, and Tsukina and myself flipping pages of our books.

The sounds of the café when it’s just Tsukina and me are gentle and make me relax even more.

So much that I’d almost rather live here.

Which is exactly why it’s unbearably depressing to leave.

Turning away from Tsukina, who watches me leave with a smile, I leave the café, sighing again.

I wonder if the Savior will cause even more problems tomorrow.

With that depressing thought, I fell into my bed and the next day came.

Recently, even immediately after I wake up, I’ve been feeling somewhat tired.

But this morning I sit up and stare at my hands.

My body feels so light, it’s like the fogginess in my mind has cleared up.

It isn’t that my disgust of the Savior has gone away, but I feel somewhat refreshed.

I stand up from my bed and take a few steps before stopping in place.

On top of having to do a lot of paperwork, swinging a sword around leads to a chronic pain in my shoulders that’s now gone away.

I wonder if this is because being at the café yesterday was very relaxing.

But I’ve never felt this well in all the months of going there.

“Well, there’s nothing better than being able to move.”

Today I promised Beork I’d spar with him in the morning.

Once I’m dressed, I head to the training grounds.

Beork had already arrived and was waving to me, and I gripped my sword as I waved back.

After several rounds of sparring, we decide to take a break, and I drink some water.

Although I have the higher position, there is little difference between Beork’s and my capabilities.

Having fought seriously, we were both out of breath.

“Aren’t you stronger today?”

“I’ve been feeling good today. It’s easy to move.”

“You definitely look well. Did something good happen?”

Something good..., I think, suddenly picturing Tsukina’s smile in my head.

Since I found that café, and since I met her, the days have been far more enjoyable than before.

Every day, I can’t wait to be done with work for the day.

I’m sure she’ll greet me with a smile again today.

Thinking of her smile makes my own lips pull into a smile.

“I suppose so, something good did happen.”

“Did you find a book you wanted? If you can’t find any time to read, I can take your horse out for a run for you, you know.”

“I’m fine right now, thanks. Anyways, make sure to find some time with the Princess. I hope you know she’s the one protecting the maids from the Savior.”

“Of course. Usually once work ends, I spend time with her. Today, not just because of the horse grounds, we’re planning to take my horse for a ride.”

“I see, I hope you get to spend some time together. The Princess can probably relax better away from the castle too.”

For some reason, I’d rather not bring up Tsukina, so I keep my words vague.

Maybe when the commotion with the Savior is under control, I can introduce her to Beork.

Well, there’s not really any problem with introducing her now.

But for a little longer, I want to have that place to myself to relax.

That warm space, and her friendship.

I smile wryly, thinking about how even though I’m an adult, wanting to keep that place to myself almost feels like I’ve become a child again.

Translation Notes:

“I started talking to him like we were close friends”: in Japanese culture, there is polite language (language used when speaking to people you don’t know well) and casual language (language used when speaking to people close to you); in this scene, Tsukina suddenly started using casual language towards Ill, which can be considered offensive, especially considering that he’s a customer at her café, which is why she was so horrified when she realized

“reading companions”: this is a literal translation of the Japanese term, as they’re not really “friends” friends yet, but are more than acquaintances, and this means they’re able to act more friendly with each other; in Japanese culture and the term “friend” indicates a stronger relationship than in English

“he started speaking with me more informally as well”: in this instance the Japanese actually says “he stopped using “you” (あなた anata) and started using “you” (君・きみ kimi) to me instead,” but I changed it to make it flow better. But if you’re interested in learning about Japanese second person pronouns (ways to say “you”), I’ve written a Twitter thread here about this topic, and you can find info on the nuances between あなた anata and 君・きみ kimi there

#savior's book cafe #savior's book cafe translation #bookcafenovel #chapter 4 #interaction #translation notes

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