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bubblyhoney · 4 years ago

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win for me

warnings: lAnGuAgE, alcohol consumption (both reader and all other characters are of age to drink), marijuana use, Making Out™️, a miniscule Flowers from 1970 reference. PSA: WHEN UR INTOXICATED AND/OR AT A PARTY, TELL UR FRIENDS WHO YOU WILL BE WITH AND WHERE YOU WILL BE AT ALL TIMES. DRINK AND PARTY SAFELY!

tags: sapnap x fem!reader

summary: a collection of moments throughout the beginning of your relationship

words: 5000

A/N: even though this isn’t my most organized or perfect fic this was so incredibly fun to write. and it’s a college!au!! one of my favs. hope you guys like!! let's pretend the pandemic doesn't exist for this one too (please wear ur masks btw)

Sophomore Year:

Smells like shit in here is your first thought upon entering the laundromat.

It does, in all honesty. What would you expect a place where college students wash three months of dirty clothes and comforters with vomit to smell like? Urine and just a hint of marijuana, incidentally. The door closes noisily behind you and a guy in a black baseball hat turns his head at the noise. Half of his face is hidden underneath the shadow of his scruff and he says nothing, but you still offer an obligatory polite-stranger smile. The place is pretty deserted, what for it being nearly 4 in the morning. And you’re a rare kind of customer; only a few things to wash and you brought your own detergent.

There’s an empty washer next to an old woman in an acid-trip of a parka, and you sweep past the few other patrons with your mesh bag close. The man in the hat nods at you as you pass, looking up from his phone.

Okay. Dark load in one and delicates in the other, you remind yourself. The quarters get pushed through the slot (not without dropping three and having to scramble to pick them up before they disappear between the machines) and you fill the dispensers with a flowery laundry detergent your roommates hates. Oh, and the clothes go in. Done. You relax into a cracked plastic booth around the corner of the machine, pulling a book of crosswords from your bag.

Somebody yelps halfway through filling out a five letter word (“a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep”) and you jump. Baseball Cap rips open the dryer, fumbling around and supplying a pair of gray sweatpants. You can’t help but watch. He digs through both front pockets, pulling out a wad of dollar bills. He sighs, shoves the pants back into the dryer, and starts it with a hard push.

“Gut feeling?” You ask. He looks around for a second and settles his gaze upon you. Nice eyebrows, you think.

“Yeah,” he laughs, slightly nervous. “Yeah. I wore them yesterday and just remembered I put some tip money in my pocket.” Leaning back onto the shelf behind him, he shoves his phone into his pocket and folds his arms tight to his chest.

“I feel you,” you empathize, and set down your pencil. “I washed a parking ticket with my underwear last week.”

He stutters out a laugh, nodding.

“That must’ve sucked,” he adds.

“Yeah.” You shrug. “I wasn’t going to pay it anyways, but would’ve been nice to keep it for memory’s sake.” Rubbing at your knee offhandedly, you just watch him. He’s cute. And easy to make conversation with.

“Hey, um,” he mutters and clears his throat. “Do you by chance know some guy named Karl? Tall, messy brown hair and a horrible laugh?”

You open your mouth, then close it.

“Actually—,” you start but huff out a laugh. “Yeah, he’s uh, he’s dating my roommate. Why’d you ask?”

Reaching a hand to rub at his neck, his face twists into something sheepish.

“I’ve seen you at some parties this semester. I didn’t mean to sound creepy like that— I just—yeah.” His cheeks flush pink and he looks down to the ground.

“No worries,” you say, barely even thinking. “I think I’ve seen you too. You’re in Delta Tau Delta, right?”

“Nah, nah,” he laughs. “Just got some friends in there.”

“Ah.” You nod.

The conversation falls into silence, but not uncomfortable silence. He pulls out his phone again, and you look back to the crossword in front of you. The old woman between you leaves with a humongous load of blankets and a small family leaves with a cart full of bags; now it’s just you two.

When the washer with your delicates ding you nearly jump two feet in the air. Exhaling, you set your work down and open the door.

“Shit,” you curse as two bras fall onto the tile. You reach down to get a hand on a black lace bra and hide it quickly under your elbow. A sneaker squeaks loud in the almost-empty room and you see Baseball Cap’s shoulders.

“Here.” He’s kneeling as he hands you your pink bra and you accept it, biting your lower lip.

“Thanks,” you mumbles, slightly embarrassed, and step back to shove those bras and a couple pairs of your underwear into your bag. He offers you a small smile and backs off to his own machines, humming an off-key version of Unchained Melody to himself. Your other load of laundry gets shoved right on top of your delicates.

It’s when you’re nearly out the door, bell jingling, that you think to look back.

“Hey,” you start, almost stuttering for no reason. “What’s your name?”

He turns, dark eyebrows raised.

“My—uh… My friends call me Sapnap. You can call me that too.” Rosy cheeks once again; you seem to be making him awfully nervous.

“Sapnap.” You try it in your mouth, pursing your lips. “Okay. I’ll see you around Sapnap.”

He nods, affirming your statement.

“See you around Y/N.”

It doesn’t hit you until you’re buckling your seatbelt and starting your car that you realize you didn’t tell him your name.

Perhaps he knew more about you than you thought.

Yeah, you laugh to yourself. Karl’s got a big mouth.

Junior Year:

It takes you a collective twelve minutes to go talk to him.

It’s quiet in the library, students that happen to come here to study or procrastinate few and far between the scattered tables. Your poison today is a 4 page history paper on Normandy that you’d been staring at the instructions for for days. You’d already written a bunch of, frankly, horseshit for the body, but the introduction and conclusion were throwing you for a loop.

The vibes in Ridgeback Hall were also certainly off, today more than any other day; the main help-desk was empty and everybody had to do the tedious task of locating niche textbooks themselves.

Lifting your head from the wood of the table, you squint and focus your vision on the guy in the white tee and denim jacket that had been the focus of your thoughts for minutes. He chews at the end of his pencil, mouth screwed up into a ball, and shoots daggers at the empty notebook in front of him. You’re surprised it hasn’t caught on fire yet just from his gaze.

“Sapnap!” You whisper-shout, stretching your arms across the table as if it would make him any closer. A person with purple hair jumps at your voice but turns back to their laptop. “Sapnap!” you try again, tapping two fingers on the table. His head jerks up, eyebrows furrowed and an angry expression on his face, but softens at the sight of you.

“Y/N,” he counters, equally as loud but with a smile on his face.

“What’re you doing?”

“Calculus.” He sticks his tongue out, making an awfully tortured face. You laugh and wave your fingers at him, gesturing for him to come closer. He just huffs out a sigh, stacks all his papers in one pile, and gets up. The trek over to your table is short but he takes it so slowly you wonder if he always walks like that. Like a varsity basketball player who just got off a horse.

“You’re so slow.”

“Shut up,” he grumbles and settles into a chair across from you. “It’s 2 pm, give me a break. I need a Redbull.”

“Those are bad for you, you know,” you say matter-of-factly and drop your chin onto your hand. He’s even cuter from this angle, you think briefly. He just rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, Miss I’d-like-some-coffee-with-my-sugar-and-cream,” he teases, pointing to your venti iced coffee. It’s about as pale as the color of a band-aid. You just sigh and close your eyes. “You tired?” He flips his pencil in his hand and leans back into the seat, sighing.

“Yeah,” you mumble. “I haven’t slept yet today.”

“Wow, you’re dumb.” He looks scandalized. You just shrug.

“Perhaps. I don’t really know why I did it actually— just for funzies!” You raise an arm but let it drop back down. “I stayed up playing Sims.”

“Feel that. I play Minecraft with my buddies until like 2 am every night too. It’s nice,” he decides and folds his arms across his chest. Your eyes flit over to his strong arms, admiring the way his denim shirt looks around them. Thick.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“What?” He says too loudly and it warrants a ‘shush’ from another student. He reddens, but looks back down to you. “I—why do you ask?” You shrug, eyebrows raised.

“Just wondering. You’re too cute to not have one.”

“Right,” he huffs, but his cheeks stay pink. You two fall into easy silence, his eyes trained on the notebook in front of him and yours closed peacefully. “Are you dating anyone?”

They snap open not-so-peacefully.

“Nope. You wanna submit a boyfriend application?” A smile cracks your lips and he grins back.

“Maybe,” he replies and stares at your mouth. “I have to say—,” He stretches into a yawn. “I think I’m qualified.”

“Oh, yeah?” Your eyebrow quirks. “And why are you so qualified?”

“Well, first of all, I work at Ace Hardware. That’s where cool people work.” He presses one finger into his palm. Then two. “And I have a bunch of free time because said job at Ace Hardware only likes scheduling me in the mornings. Plus, I’m hot.” He shrugs.

You nod faux-seriously, considering his list.

“Those are very good qualities, sir. I’ll have to get back to you on that.” You pause. “Okay, I’ll schedule an interview. How’s 7 pm at the Chili’s on Main? Chili’s is the designated interview place.” You wiggle your eyebrows. He just smiles at you, shaking his head in disbelief.

“That was smooth.”

“Yeah, I know.” You carefully study your nails. “I’m pretty impressive.”

“Clearly,” he mutters and chuckles. “But I do like their salsa. And margaritas. We got a deal?” He holds out a large hand. You take it, squeezing tightly.

“Hell yes.”

When you see the man called Sapnap a week later, you are very obviously in a different state of mind.

Same state, same college town, but very different blood alcohol contents.

“Sappy!” You shout, raising your arms above your head with a stupid grin on your face. He turns, that familiar look of surprise evident in his expression.

“Y/N,” he laughs and approaches your group of friends in the kitchen. It’s Greek Wedding night at Delta Tau Delta, and you assume Sapnap came to support Delta’s “groom” Alex. You’d gotten uncharacteristically drunk, trading air for sangria, and you were now in the incredible stage where everyone was both your friend and your favorite person.

Throwing an arm around his shoulders, you mash your face into his bicep and giggle.

“Missed you so much,” you try to manage out of your mouth, but it comes out slurred and stuttered. “So much.” You’d gone to Chili’s two days before and promised another ‘interview’ in the next few days, but it felt like two months away from your beloved. Beloved friend, that is. Only one date.

“Yeah?” He places a hesitant hand on your back and nudges you into a standing position. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Oh, shhhh,” you mumble and close your eyes. “Only— a lot.” Blinking them back open, you zero your gaze in on a bottle of Ciroc half-empty and looking very tempting on the kitchen island across from where you’re leaned up against the kitchen sink. He catches your gaze and steps in front of you, pleasant face filling your vision. You gasp.

“You are so cute.” Sliding your palms up onto his face, you hold his scruffy cheeks in your hands and smile all dopey at him.

“Is that your brain or the alcohol telling you that?”

“Uh,” you swallow. “Both. And my heart.”

He just shakes his head and his chest moves with a heavy laugh.

“Glad to hear it.”

“Are you having fun?” You ask, all concerned and furrowed eyebrows. You look like you’re genuinely interested and worried about if he’s having a good time or not, and it makes his expression melt.

“I’m having lots of fun,” he passes over his shoulder as he flips on the tap and fills a red solo cup with water. “In fact, I’m gonna have a nice, cold glass of water right now.” He shakes it like an owner offering their dog a treat.

You eye the cup in his hand, having half a thought that this might be some sort of backwards psychology move. The other half wins.

“That sounds so good right now— can I drink some?” Your eyebrows pull together and your bottom lip drops into a pout. It makes him blink for a second. He remembers the little game you’re playing and just hands it over, smug. You gulp it down quickly and crush the empty plastic into your palm with an exaggerated exhale. “Hit the spot,” you sigh, and pat your stomach fondly.

“You hungry?” Sapnap asks you as he steadies you with two hands on your shoulders. Something pops into your head at his words: a set of two McChickens and an Oreo milkshake.

“Oh my God,” you gasp, and mirror him by placing your hands on his shoulders. “Can we go to McDonald’s?”

He just shakes his head, grin wide on his lips, and shrugs. Perfect teeth, you think.

“I haven’t drank anything, so I’m good to drive.” He pulls his keys from his pocket. “I know you’re smashed right now so—do you feel safe with me?” The question falls from his mouth and you truly consider it, pulling your lip between your teeth.

“Yeah. I’ll take this just in case,” you say, and take a large dinner fork from the counter next to you. It has some red liquid on it that you brush off onto the fabric of your jeans.

“That’s actually gross.”

“Yeah.” You grip it tighter in your head. “But it’ll do the job if you try any shit. I’ll put this in your eyeball.” Brandishing it, a smile stretches onto your mouth. He just shakes his head and heads for the back door, jerking a hand in your direction to get you to follow him.

The cool night air explodes on your face when you step onto the porch and it makes you blink rapidly. Sapnap is right at your side, offering a forearm as you slowly make your way down the two back porch steps. A tall blonde smoking half of a blunt makes a grunt noise as you two pass and your knight-in-shining armor looks up.

“Gonna go get some food. Want anything?” Sapnap stops on the rocky path to the sidewalk, tilted up to hear the blonde’s response. The other guy shakes his head but nods to you in passing.

“I’ll tell her friends where she went,” says the blonde, and disappears through the sliding glass doors.

Your hand falls from his forearm to his hand and grasps it tightly, swinging back and forth as you stumble to his car. You flash him a grin that he just chuckles at.

“Watch your step,” he warns as you yank on the handle of the passenger door and nearly fall off of the curb.

“I’m fine,” you huff, and scramble to get yourself upright into the seat and buckled. He closes your door and jogs to the driver’s seat, climbing in and starting the engine quicker than your head comprehends.

The small space fills with the sound of Letters to Cleo as he’s maneuvering out of his parking spot and he slaps a hand at the stereo button almost immediately. His cheeks redden as he glances at you once.

“I love Letters to Cleo,” you admit, and switch it back on. Ah, Co-Pilot. A classic. “Be my co-pilot!” You sing, loud and sharp. He shakes his head but huffs out a reluctant laugh.

“My older sister loved them. Bit old for my taste, but—you know. Can’t deny that I love a little bit of 90’s angst.”

“Absolutely,” you nod vigorously and pick at your nail. “Oh!” The fork magically reappears at your side and you grab at it. “For my McChickens.”

“And for me,” he adds.

“Yup. You too.” But you drop it onto the seat and lean forward, fumbling with the volume dial until you feel the lead singer’s voice thumping into your heart. “I love this lady!” You shout and rock your head to the beat.

Shaking his head, his shoulders move in an easy laugh. The drive-thru line is kind of busy for 2 am, he notes, pulling in right behind a navy BMW sedan. But it moves quickly, especially when you’re moving in your seat, scream-singing the lyrics to I Want You To Want Me.

“Yeah,” he says, loud into the mic. “Two.”

“Alright.” The voice reports from the speaker, a background clicking joining their bored tone. “Two McChickens, a double cheeseburger—ketchup and pickle only— , a medium fry, and an Oreo McFlurry. Anything else, sir?”

Sapnap chews on his lip, and glances at you. You just give an encouraging thumbs up.

“That’ll be all,” he reports.

“Second window, and your total is $9.67.”

He barely has time to call a “thank you so much!” before the line ends with a click. Rude.

“Jesus Christ,” you moan the second you sink your teeth into your first sandwich.

“Agreed,” he mumbles and pushes as much cheeseburger he can fit into his mouth.

“This,” you start, swallowing. “is the sexiest thing I’ve encountered in all of my years. I thank all higher powers when I consume McChickens…” Trailing off for dramatic effect, you stare down the sandwich before mimicking a dinosaur war cry and practically shoving it down your throat. He just nods in agreement.

“It’s so nice out tonight,” Sapnap comments, swinging a look out his rolled-down window. He parked right in front of the Campus Quad, large bubbling fountain the show to your dinner. And some geese fighting each other for half a rotting hot dog.

“Mhm.” You crumple up your wrapper trash and toss it into the empty paper bag. “Could totally go for a swim.”

He turns and gives you a look. You look right back.

“Should we?” It’s barely a question.

“Um, hell yes,” is all it takes for you to say before you’re clambering out of the car and starting for the fountain. He follows closely after, jogging to catch up with your borderline track-star sprints.

“Wait up!” He calls as you reach the border of the fountain.

“Ugh,” you sigh, impatient. “Hurry up.”

“Mouthy,” he grumbles before kicking off his shoes and bending to fold his pants up over his knees. You just climb straight in and brave the cold.

Squealing, you hop from one foot to the other, shoulders tight as you get used to the freezing water. He laughs and climbs in right beside you.

“Shit,” he curses, and shivers. “This sucks.”

“You suck,” you quip right back and splash around. He stares, disgusted, at the water soaking up your jeans all the way up to your knees.

“You’re gross for wearing jeans in a fountain. That’s worse than wet socks.” He starts to move around as feeling comes back into his toes.

“What, would you prefer me taking my pants off?” A sassy look paints your face and he rolls his eyes.

“No, but you could’ve folded them up like a normal person.”

“I think you forget,” you start, and splash a palmful of water his way. “I’m quirky.”

He gasps, face twisting as the water hits his thighs.

“You’re dead.”

If campus police were patrolling the Quad right now, they’d see two college juniors wading around in a fountain, water up to their knees, having a competition to see who can inflict the most damage. He won, it seems, because your shirt is drenched all the way up to your ribs.

“Okay!” You shout, hands spread to brace yourself. The water in his palm falls. “I’m cold and I want my other McChicken.”

“Fine,” he sighs, and with some difficulty manages to get out of the fountain and back into his shoes. You just make your way back over to his car barefoot, braving the mulch and poorly-sanded concrete.

You both finish your food quickly, discussing menial things like how fast food restaurants always skimp on the pickles and how it’s truly a disservice to the world that so many people don’t know it’s Biggie singing the song Kat dances on the table to in the 1999 classic 10 Things I Hate About You.

When Sapnap pulls up to your house, he shifts the car into park and lets loose a heavy sigh. You whip around, hand on your buckle, and sport a very confused look on your face.

“I’m tired,” is all he says. Head falling onto the seat, he rolls over to give you a half-lidded look. You nod empathetically and climb very carefully out of his passenger seat. Your drunk muscles haven't caught up to your mainly sober brain, which is impairing your ability to look like a functioning human being.

“Thank you for tonight,” you chirp, smiling in at him with your arms folded on the open window sill. The half-drank Oreo McFlurry is lukewarm in your hand. He stares at your flushed lips.

“Anytime you want a drunk McChicken let me know.” He winks. “I have a gift card.”

“You spoil me,” you coo, and step up onto the sidewalk. “I’ll see you sometime soon, yeah?”

He nods, pursed lips fighting a grin.

Cute, you both think at the same time.

Sometime soon, somehow, means the very next day.

It’s breezy yet uncharacteristically hot out, and certainly way too bright for a hungover Y/N.

You’re sat on the porch swing, nursing a hot decaf coffee with lots of sugar and cream. Sunglasses sit comfortably on your nose, but you still have to squint. The pills you took have yet to kick in, so all you have to do is wait and try not to vomit into your mug. Suddenly, your phone lights up and buzzes to life. You press the green button and lift to your ear.

“What do you want?” Your voice is awfully froggy, you realize, and clear your throat.

“Good morning to you too.” Sapnap’s voice rings clear yet husky into your ear. The corners of your lips twitch up into a smile. God, you’re whipped just for the sound of his voice.

“It is definitely not a good morning,” you grumble and switch him into speaker phone. You drop the phone into your lap and stretch out further on the swing.

“Good morning for me,” he chirps cheerfully. “Take anything for the headache?”

“Yes,” you report, sounding like a pouting child and rubbing two fingers into your temple. “Some idiot fed me ice cream last night so this morning I woke up having to both shit and throw up.”

“Aww,” he sympathizes, sounding way too entertained. “That sounds like a you problem.” You stuck out your tongue, but upon realizing he can’t see it, make a ‘hmph’ noise into the mic. “Anyways. I called to see if you wanted to go get breakfast with me. Waffle House, specifically.” You make a face but lift yourself up off the swing, wincing.

“I saw a rat eat an entire piece of french toast there once. But—sure. I’ll pay.” He starts to whine, but you scoff. “Let me love you, bitch. You pay for my McDonald’s and I pay for your pancakes. Easy trade.”

“Whatever. See you in five.” He hangs up right as you twist the front door open and drop your phone onto the couch.

“Who’re you talking to?” comes from the kitchen and you jump, pressing a hand to your chest. A shirtless Karl enters the living room with a bowl of fruit loops in his hand.

“Jesus Christ,” you breathe, and duck into the hall closet for your pair of dirty tennis shoes. “I was talking to Sapnap.”

“Oh,” he says around his mouthful of cereal with a grin. “You guys dating yet?”

You pass him a weird look, bending to tie your shoes.

“Gimme like two weeks. I’ll have him at my beck and call,” you laugh and collapse back into the couch.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” He quirks an eyebrow and exits stage left into your roommate’s room.

The few minutes it takes for Sapnap to come to your house are short but filled with contemplation. Do you really want to date him? He’s certainly cute enough. Nice enough. And smart enough. He seems to like you too—

A honk interrupts your thoughts. Always having to be obnoxious, huh?

“You’re annoying,” you mumble as you buckle your seatbelt. He just shrugs, tiny smile tugging his lips, and shifts into drive. The short trip to Waffle House proves more quiet than lively. He seems awake, actually, so you attribute the silence to your tumultuous thoughts. The music is nice, though. Bikini Kill is perfect for 10 am.

After you two order (three chocolate chip pancakes for him and two regular waffles with a side of hashbrowns for you), he finally breaks the silence.

“Hey, are we dating?”

You pause with your lip on the rim of your orange juice. Your gaze falls from his lips to his fingers wrapped around the coffee mug. Two silver rings adorn both his middle fingers and they glint underneath the fluorescent lights.

“Do you wanna?” You squint back up at him. The tips of his ears flush pink.

“I-uh… Yeah. Yes,” he says simply. You try to hide a smile, but realize there’s no point.

“Okay.” You take a long drink of your orange juice. “I really like you. A lot. A surprising amount, actually; I haven’t really dated seriously since highschool.”

He nods, shuffling his feet on the tile. What else does he have to be nervous about? you wonder.

“I’ve… kindasortamaybelikedyousincesophmoreyear,” he mumbles and you swallow.

“Huh?” Leaning forward, you set your glass down.

“Um,” he starts but doesn’t finish.

“Did you say you’ve liked me since sophomore year?”

“...Maybe.” His coffee becomes the most interesting thing in the world, apparently. “Do you remember that one time during the Summer Carnival where Karl lost his phone?”

“Uh—yes! Yeah, actually. I do remember that. He found it in the porta-potty. What about it?” The waitress sets down both your plates in front of you and you offer her a smile in thanks before she trundles off to the drink station. You pick up your fork and wait for him to continue.

“I left two hours early because you invited Michael from your computer science class.” You pause around your mouthful of potato and he just stares back, trying not to grin. “Yeah. I thought you were hot and left early because you brought another guy.”

“Michael is gay,” you say slowly.

“Yup.” He nods and shoves a forkful of pancake into his mouth. “Isn’t that so stupid?”

“So stupid,” you tease but your cheeks blush pink.

“Anyways. Now I’m dating you, so. Win for me.”

“Ditto,” you murmur, and manage to fit half of your first waffle into your mouth. “This is the easiest it’s ever been to start dating someone.”

“It’s ‘cause we’re cool, I’m pretty sure,” comes from a mouthful of pancake.

“That’s facts.”

The rest of Pancake House is bustling, a few families with young kids and some other hungover college students scarfing down similar breakfast foods and confections. You two barely give any other customers the time of day, too wrapped up in conversation and each other. The waitress gets a heavy tip after an hour and a half of struggling to swallow dough soaked in syrup and chocolate.

Sapnap walks you to your door after breakfast, hand on your waist and pressed to your side. It feels good. Right.

“I’ll see you Wednesday right?” You ask, turning to him with hopeful eyes. How could he resist?

“Definitely. Wouldn’t miss Game Night for the world— I can’t wait to beat your ass at Uno.”

“You’re insufferable, you know that?” You murmur but you’re already slinging an arm around his shoulder and bringing his mouth down to yours.

You taste like sugar, he thinks. His hands find the small of your back easily, pressing you further forward into him. You hum at that, tracking a hand up the back of his neck and into his hair to grip it between your fingers.

He smells both musky and sweet and cool at the same time: heaven. One of his hands slides up to grip at your neck, thumb rubbing at your jaw, and you make a pleased noise into his mouth. There it is.

“Y/N!” Shrieks from inside your house and you jump, pulling away from Sapnap with a smack.

“What?” You yell back, irritated, and he just laughs as he dips to press a kiss to your cheek.

“Stop tonguing your boyfriend and come help me with my photography project.”

“God damn it,” you sigh and drop your hands. His slide down to just rest on your hips, comfortable. “I have to go.” You're annoyed, that’s for sure, and he prays you aren’t too mean to your roommate.

“Alright.” He dips for a quick kiss one last time. Okay, two more times. Maybe three. But he pulls away, grinning. “I’ll see you Wednesday.”

And then he’s stepping off your porch, walking to his car with his hands in his pockets. You watch his back fondly.

God, boyfriend. He’s your boyfriend. Boynap. Sapfriend. You can’t decide on a name, but all sounds perfect.

Perfectly him.

A/N: ask or send me some stuff!! requests, rants, anything. :D comments = welcome!

#sapnap #mcyt #sapnap x reader #sapnap x fem!reader #sapnap x you #sapnap fluff #sapnap fic #sapnap oneshot #mcyt imagine #bubblyhoneyfics #mcyt x you

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eternally-writing · 4 years ago

Text

tour troubles | jjk

genre: fluff, angst

rating: G (no swearing or sexual content)

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: idol!au, boyfriend!au, one-shot

word count: 1.8k

warnings: none

Synopsis: When surprising your boyfriend Jungkook on tour doesn’t quite go as you planned, it’s up to you now to help cheer him up.

banner by me!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

After a grueling 6 months apart, you were more than happy to be in MetLife Stadium watching your boyfriend live out his dreams on stage. The Map of the Soul Tour was no joke; Jungkook was practicing all day and performing all night, and combined with your final exam season passing by it left little time for you to talk to each other.

Finally wrapping up the school year, you got in touch with Jimin to see if he could help you plan a surprise visit for Jungkook on one of their final tour stops.

All of the members had become like family to you, but it's no secret that aside from Jungkook you are closest with Jimin. He was like the older brother you never had, and you always ran to him whenever you needed relationship advice or a good hug.

As you watched Jungkook on stage you noticed his smile falter sometimes as he would be slightly out of position or dance off beat. You could only pick this out because you had spent hours in the practice room dancing with Jungkook.

You and Jungkook had come together because of your shared love for dance. He had first asked you out inside a very sweaty-scented Big Hit practice room, almost half of your dates ended with some form of dancing, and whenever one of you was frustrated you could always find the other teary-eyed, lying on the marley floor of a dance studio. You had always been there to whisper words of encouragement in his ear when he was feeling down, and you wished nothing more than for her voice to reach the stage at the moment.

Soon enough, the concert came to an end and you were flashing her pass to the backstage security guard to get to see the boys. Despite your uneasy feeling watching the concert, you couldn't ease the butterflies in your stomach at seeing your boyfriend for the first time in months.

Ever since you had planned this, you spent your nights imagining exactly how Jungkook would react: whether he would hug and kiss you first, stay frozen on the spot in shock, or start crying right away.

As you stepped into the Big Hit dressing room, you were instantly greeted with several smiling faces.

I didn't take you long to do a head count and realize that there were only 6 boys standing in front of you, and that your boyfriend was nowhere to be found.

Making eye contact with Jimin, you saw the softness in his eyes as he motioned for you to come closer so he could explain.

“He’s not feeling well Y/N, and none of us can get him to talk about it. We’re so worried. I swear I’ve only gotten like 2 words out of him tonight, and I even tried to make a nutella sandwich for him to cheer him up. I’m sorry this isn’t what you had planned, but can you talk to him please? For us?”

You took a deep breath before pulling back the curtain divider in the dressing room. Your nerves catching up to you, you considered just turning around and telling the boys you would surprise him at their next concert instead.

You had dealt with Jungkook being troubled and frustrated more times than you could count, but you were worried you had lost her touch after being apart from him for months.

Your mind also flew the other way. How many times has he felt like this after a concert and never told you? When he said "It was fun I'm just really tired now" after every concert was he truly feeling like this?

With that, you pushed forward because you knew that you had to be there to support Jungkook today, even if you couldn't be there for all the other times.

The sight that greeted you behind the curtain was not a pretty one.

Jungkook was staring blankly at the monitor in front of him, dark fringes of his hair matted against his sweaty forehead, tour hoodie zipped up completely with the hood on, and worst of all, his eyes were clearly puffy and swollen, with tinges of red coming through from underneath his makeup.

Jungkook barely even glanced your way as you sat down an ample distance away from Jungkook on the couch. It was clear from his lack of surprise at your appearance that one of the boys (probably Jimin) had probably told him about your surprise visit earlier in an effort to cheer him up after the concert, but even that could not get him out of this slump.

Of all the scenarios you came up with for how Jungkook would react to your surprise, somehow this one never crossed your mind.

You turned your focus to where Jungkook was staring - a TV monitor replaying video footage from tonight's concert. You watched as his eyebrows stayed furrowed as he glared disapprovingly at himself for making even the smallest of mistakes in the video, almost wincing as the TV monitor continued to play the footage.

"Do you want me to help point out things in the video?"

Jungkook didn’t even move a muscle.

You took the silence as a yes, and pulled a pen and the closest thing you could find to paper, a napkin, out of your purse to write on.

Working as a dance teacher had taught you more than a couple tricks about how to give constructive feedback, and you were a firm believer in the "give 2 compliments and then 1 thing to work on" approach. However, you knew the issue with Jungkook wasn't that he was truly bad at dancing, but rather that he was way too hard on himself for the smallest details that the audience wouldn't even notice - so she threw in a few more compliments than usual. Unsure of how Jungkook would react to seeing the list, you still threw some of those very nit-picky details on there, knowing that if he was still frustrated he would throw the list out all together if he thought you were just coddling him.

And so you both sat together in front of that grainy TV monitor, in complete silence aside from the sound of your pen scratching against the napkin.

June 10, 2020 MOTS:7 Tour Feedback Report for Jeon Jungkook ( by Y/N)

- match angle of arm placement in Black Swan Opening Choreo

- footwork on DNA ending choreo could be cleaned up

- the ARMY at the corner of the screen during Euphoria had the biggest smile when you looked at her. I think she’s gonna remember that moment for the rest of her life.

- I like the way you wink at the camera during So What! Gave me butterflies babe.

- could add more energy into the last Fake love chorus ( hot bod btw!!)

And the list kept going on and on as you diligently focused on the screen and writing notes, taking occasional glances at your silent boyfriend.

Upon glancing over your shoulder and seeing your list, Jungkook smiled at your thoughtful and sweet comments.

All of sudden, a wave of consciousness and realization washed over him.

He finally has the girl he loves in front of him again after months apart, and instead of cherishing his limited time with you he was spending it watching himself dance, which is what he had already spent the last 9 years of his life doing. Most of all, you never let your smile falter once in front of him, even though he knew you may be upset with his response to your surprise, and you went along with whatever he wanted to do - even if that meant watching a very very low-quality video of his performances on a loop.

Grabbing the napkin gently out of her hands and placing it on the table, Jungkook cupped your face and looked gently into your eyes.

"Thank you", he said softly, as if not wanting to startle you with his sudden character change.

In your head there was absolutely no need for Jungkook to be thanking her for anything she was doing. She knew dating an idol would have its challenges, and she made a promise to Jungkook that she would be by his side through it all, even if that included rewatching Euphoria on loop.

It was now your turn to sigh.

“There’s nothing to thank me for babe, it’s just me. I wanna be here for you when you’re like this - I didn’t just date you so I could be there to celebrate your Billboard #1s and daesang sweeps, I’m here for these moments too.”

Jungkook further eliminated the space between you both by wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest. In that moment he realized that maybe all he needed was you. That all these hurdles he had been facing alone would have been much easier if he had just let you in on his problems.

“I just feel bad Y/N, I haven’t even seen you for months and the first time I see you I’m like this? I’m sorry.”

The gears started turning in your head. Batting your eyes overdramatically at your boyfriend, you smiled.

“Okay how about we make a deal then babe?”

Jungkook looked at you curiously and let you carry on.

“From now on, every time you feel like this you come to me okay? We can figure this out together, but I can’t help you if you don’t let me in,” you expressed, grabbing his hands in yours.

“Also, if you felt like making it up to me you could buy me some ice cream? It’s not the same when I eat it without you,” you joked.

Jungkook’s melodic laugh vibrated through the room.

“Just ice cream? You’re selling yourself short babe. I’d buy the whole world for you, my love.”

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

As you emerged from behind the curtained section of the dressing room, hand in hand with a smiley Jungkook ( a stark comparison from how he was a mere hour early), you were greeted with Jimin jumping up and cheering loudly upon seeing the maknae.

Unable to contain his excitement, Jimin ran towards the two of you, chiming “you did it Y/N!! You brought back our maknae!”

“Good to see you smiling, Jungkookie,” beamed Jimin as he stepped forward to ruffle Jungkook’s hair.

Jungkook chuckled and looked up at his hyungs.

“I think I owe you all some ice cream. Ready to go? It’ll be treat.”

If his hyungs weren’t already excited to see Jungkook feeling like himself, now they were ecstatic. And you definitely felt the same way as well. ♡

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

If you liked this, please interact/follow! Thank you for reading ♡

- Emily

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hanniiesuckle17 · 4 years ago

Text

Fireworks

A/n: this is not requested but i needed to write something for me and I always love writing best friend!jisung (this turned out to be hella long btw). Also i just realized this is the 16th jisung fic on my masterlist wtf. Welp happy sweet sixteen jisung.

Tag List: @mini-meanhoe @leggomylino @hanstagrams @desertofdessert @hoes4hoseok @yangomangos @jeonqqin @geminirules @crscendoforsung @mrsunshine999 @jisungsjheekies @hannie-squirrel00 @cotccotc @kodzu-ken @konenichi @yangs-jeongin @binniebutter @skzwriternet

Warnings: cussing probably, lil distressed jisung, alcohol consumption

Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: Y/n and Jisung practically grew up together. Y/n always dreamed of getting her fairytale happy ending. So, Jisung is surprised when she is settling for an all but labeled ‘arranged marriage’ to an asshole that Jisung knows doesn’t love her. Not like he does. Can Jisung convince himself to go after what he really wants and take the risks that come with it? Can Y/n face the facts that what she has wanted has been in front of her all along?

Genre: romance, fluff, angst, non-idol!au, bestfriend!au, friends to lovers!au, wedding crasher!au, Fem Reader

❃

“Please, come today!”

Jisung sighed over the phone. “Y/n. I have no knowledge whatsoever about dresses. Especially wedding dresses! They’re all white! What’s the difference?” I could hear the murmurs of Changbin and Chan on the other side of the line. “See. I will be no help at all!” Despite the negative connotation of his words I could hear the tiny smile in his voice.

“So, we’re meeting outside the shop at five.”

“Y/n, I’m not going.”

“2146 Chyeongsong Ave, got it?”

“Yes, I’ve got it.”

Letting out a happy laugh I hung up on my best friend, sure that his attendance could be accounted for. The wedding was three months away. Jiho, my fiancee, had no desire for a big wedding and it seemed the sooner we were married the happier he would be.

But, I had always dreamed of a magical wedding with hundreds of people watching me marry the man of my dreams. So, we compromised. He said I could plan as big I wedding as I wanted as long as I could get it done in three months and he would pay for it.

Jiho was the son of one of Seoul’s big company presidents. His family was very kind and seemed to welcome me with open arms despite my less than formal upbringing. Jiho grew up in a penthouse apartment and went to the best university in Seoul.

I grew up in a tiny house in the rundown suburbs next door my best friend, Jisung, and busted my ass to get scholarships and pay my way through a cheap college. Jisung was beside me in all the big moments in my life. He was my best friend and I loved him more than anything.

“So, what did he say?”

Sooyoung’s head of curly dark hair popped over the cubicle divider separating our two desks. I laughed and gave her a thumbs up. “You doubted my power of Jisung persuation?”

“Never. You could convince that boy to run around Gangnam with his shoes on his ears and screaming at the top of his lungs if you wanted to.” Laughing at the thought, I turned back to my computer, desperately watching the minutes tick by before I would get to start searching for my wedding dress.

❃

A slightly chilling breeze blew across the street. Jisung regardless of his lack of enthusiasm on the phone picked me up from work to walk with me to my dress appointment. My mother, other best friend Yuri, and Jiho’s sister Bo Rim were already waiting outside. Everyone greeted us with a smile as we walked up. My arm was looped with Jisung’s and my hand was stuffed in his jacket pocket since it was cold.

My mother smiled and embraced Jisung with a kiss on the cheek before motioning us inside. My entourage and I were quickly greeted by a consultant. “Hi! My name is Hyunsoon, I’ll be your consultant today. You must be the gorgeous bride, Y/n!” She smiled looking me up and down before glancing at my arm linked with the man beside me. “And is this handsome young man your husband-to-be?”

Jisung shook his head dark hair falling in his eyes. A tight smile sat on his lips as he answered the woman. “No, I’m just the best friend. I’m not going to stay for the whole appointment.” She nodded looking at Jisung with new eyes. “I want to be surprised. Regardless, Y/n will look radiant in whatever she chooses.”

After a few questions about my wedding Hyunsoon led me back into a dressing room and my family and friends to a couch with mirrors around it.

“Are you excited for your wedding?” She asked with a kind smile, placing dressing on the wall of the dressing room for me to see.

“You could say that,”

Her brows furrowed. “You don’t sound very excited?” I shrugged and laughed nervously. The dresses she had picked out were very pretty. Sensing I had nothing more to say on the topic she helped me into the first dress.

It was weird to see myself in the garment. I watched her fix the dress with clips so it would fit as it should before looking over to me. The dress was more of a ball gown style. It poofed out just above my hips and was strapless with a sweetheart neckline.

“Do you want to go out and show them?” I nodded and helped her pick up the many layers of tulle skirt. Hearing fabric brush against the ground as we walked out of the hallway, the heads of my entourage turned. Several smiles were seen from my view in the mirror as I stepped up onto the pedestal.

I gazed once again at the dress in the mirror. It was a gorgeous gown; there was no doubt. Feeling ready for their opinion, I turned around to face the peanut gallery. “What do you think?” My mother was quick to gush over the skirt. Bo Rim and Yuri both raved over the shiny beading on the bodice. Mrs. Nam, Jiho’s mother seemed to like it just fine. My eyes fell on Jisung who said nothing. He looked at me, arms crossed and fingers brushing over his bottom lip. “Ji?”

“It’s....nice...”

Struggling not to laugh I replied, “One of the most incredible song writers I know and the only thing he has to say is ‘nice’?” My friend chuckled and his stare raked over the fabric before looking back up at my face.

“It’s not you. You don’t look like you. You look like some frilly puffy marshmallow girl.”

From anyone else the comment would offend but all I could do was laugh. “He’s right this is definitely not me.” Nodding the consultant ushered me back into the dressing room. Five dresses later, nothing felt right and I was beginning to get stressed out. “What do I do, Hyunsoon? Nothing feels right. I’m not feeling those....fireworks.” The beautiful woman looked at me in question. “Sorry, it’s something Jisung and I say to each other. It’s like our wish for the other to find so much happiness that it feels like...actual fireworks.” I explained with a light laugh.

She sat down on the floor with me, moving the short silk robe further over my thigh, a gentle gesture. “Tell me more about your fiancee,” She kept her hand on my knee and rubbed soothing circles on my skin.

“Ummm....well...his name is Nam Jiho. He’s really nice and very very smart. Like holy fuck, he is insanely smart. He spends most of his time at work and he really likes to run as well.”

She looked at me expectantly. “That’s it?” I nodded, a little unsure of what else she wanted me to say. “And you love him?”

“Of course! What kind of a question is that? I’m getting married aren’t I?” Though I smiled, she could tell there was the smallest bit of insecurity. She thought for a minute tapping her fingers softly on my knee.

I felt somewhat lost among the mountains of white fabric scattered about the room. “Okay then! Whose opinion matters the most to you out of everyone you brought with you today?”

“Oh- Jisung. Of course.”

“Tell me about Jisung,”

A hefty sigh left my lips, but a small happy smile soon replaced it. “Jisung is....he’s like....my person you know? Like anytime I need him- even when I don’t need him- he’s always around. We grew up together. He is my everything. I trust him with more than my life. He’s just....Jisung. He is fully himself and unapologetic about it.” Ilaughed recalling thousands and thousands of memories with him. “He is a total asshole. Way too confident. But, he gets really shy sometimes. He’s also very genuine and has the biggest heart. Without Jisung...I wouldn't be who I am today.”

She smiled and pushed herself off the ground. “I will be right back!” Just as she closed the door, Hyunsoon winked over at me and left me alone in the dressing room.

❃

Jisung’s POV

I was beginning to feel restless. Y/n hadn’t come out in at least thirty minutes. My leg was going to bounce off my body at this point. Unable to sit still any longer I pushed myself off the plush couch. It was getting harder and harder to control my heart seeing Y/n walk out in all these gowns knowing she was going to marry another man.

Wandering through the labyrinth-like rows of white frocks, I found myself thinking once again about Y/n. Not bothering to cage my thoughts they ran wild with daydreams of Y/n choosing dresses imagining what I would think of her walking down the aisle. Her smiling at me instead of that asshat, Jiho.

Turning down an obviously dead end, my eyes fell on the mannequin standing in the center of the row. A delicate dress hung on the figure.Tattooed lace around the bodice and down the front of the gown to the hips fading like waves on shore. The back was low and open and my mind filled in the gaps, picturing Y/n’s soft skin laying beneath the fabric. My fingers brushed over the long thin sleeves.

The sound of the a door closing snatched me from the my tantalizing reverie. “Oh- You’re Jisung right?” The woman asked walking closer. I recognized her as the one helping with Y/n’s appointment. I gave her a short nod, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket. “I actually need your help.”

“Anything for Y/n.” The beautiful woman’s brow quirked up and a smile slid onto her painted lips. “I mean....anything...for the bride.”

Her tongue slid over her white teeth. There was so much white around, my head was starting to physically hurt. “Uh huh. Anyway! Y/n basically hates everything not only I have picked, but also everything she’s picked.” I stood waiting for the part where I could possibly help. “She trusts you. She wouldn’t stop talking about you.”

“I’m sorry....I don’t see how-”

“I see you’re looking at dresses. Have you seen one that you like? Maybe....one you would like...on Y/n?” My eyes fell to the floor, glancing over at the mannequin briefly. My quick gaze did not go unnoticed by Y/n’s consultant. “Well...Jisung....don’t you have good taste.” She walked over to dress form and checked the price tag before giving the gown a once over. “Revealing taste too....” She sang with a smirk.

I looked away rubbing the back of my neck, the area feeling very itchy all of a sudden. “I-I- uh...the dress just seems like her. It’s very.....mesmeric. Her.”

“She did say you have a way with words.” Hyunsoon, I think her name was, walked over to one of the racks pushing past dresses until she pulled out one I assumed was in my bestfriend’s size. “Go sit back down! I know she’s going to love this one.”

My head tilted back and I let out a sigh. As much as it pained me, I knew seeing that dress on Y/n and knowing it was ‘the one’ would be it for me. I’d snap and in front of all her family, soon to be and current, I’d confess how much I loved her and that I didn’t want her to marry that dick. I’d ruin what would be her perfect happy ending. Well...in her words....her ‘Moderatley-Happy-Fiancially-Stable Ending’.

“Actually...I’m gonna head out. I know she’s gonna love it. Tell her I hope she gets her fireworks.”

Willinging myself to start moving, I walked past Hyunsoon and towards the door, only stopping once. A glimpse. I caught only a glimpse. The door of Y/n’s dressing room opened and I saw the bright smile on her lips as she looked at the dress being brought to her. “That’s your last look, Han.” I mumbled under my breath. “Now turn around and walk out.”

With every ounce of willpower left in my body, I did.

❃

The TV droned in my rundown apartment. My two closest friends, outside the one I was deeply in love with, were half drunkenly lounged in my tiny living room. I scowled at the television, taking another drink from the bottle in my hand.

“Dude- slow down. That’s like your sixth drink.” The eldest chided, tossing a balled up fast food wrapper at my head.

Ignoring the fellow musician’s advice, I chugged the rest of the beer shooting Chan a look. “Chan let him be. You know what tomorrow is.” Changbin sighed. Turning, I found him hanging off an armchair upside down, scrolling through his phone. It was silent for a while until the inverted boy spoke up again. “I still don’t get why she’s marrying that douchebag.”

Knowing where this conversation was going I escaped to the kitchen, preoccupying myself with grabbing another beer from the fridge. the other two boys paid me no mind and continued the discussion as if I was invisible. Chan’s attention turned back to me as I plopped down next to him on the dusty old couch. “Han, didn’t you say you caught the guy cheating like....multiple times....”

It was true. I had caught Jiho not once, not twice, not even three times, but four times I had got him with other women. Jiho liked to go out to clubs. The scumbag would pretend that he was working late so Y/n would be none the wiser, then he would stay out until three in the morning drinking and getting with random girls he met. The bastard didn’t even have the decency to frequent establishments he knew I wouldn’t be at. My music career was in the dumps lately and I had resorted to DJ-ing at downtown clubs.

That fucking asshole even had the audacity to flirt with other girl while Y/n was around. She had invited me out with the two of them for drinks after a promotion at work. The second she leaves for the bathroom Jiho starts making moves on the waitress. Right in front of me.

“Yeah....well, there’s nothing I can do about it.” On multiple occasions I had tried to tell Y/n about her terrible fiancee. Every time I tried, all I could see was the look of hope on her face. the look that practically begged for me to tell her that Jiho and I were finally getting along. And....I couldn’t do it. I could never do it.

“Boo hoo. Horton hears a bitch ass liar!” Changbin slurred from his awkward position.

“What?”

“That is quite possibly the biggest lie you have ever told.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. Chan yanked the beer out of my grip and handed me a water bottle instead. “Oh and what do you suppose I do then?” I managed to get the words out before Chan less than gently shoved the water in my face.

The man beside me sighed and shifted to face me fully. “You love Y/n. Yes or No?”

“Yes.”

“She needs to know that.” I shook my head. No, she did not need to know that. I was not going to be the reason Y/n ruined her chance at a good life. Looking around my apartment I saw nothing but disappointment. Most months it was hard to make rent and I could barely afford to do anything but the bare necessities. She deserved better than what I could give her. “We all know Y/n is only settling. This is definitely not the fairytale ending she always talked about.”

“Chan, there’s no such thing as fairytales. Even Y/n knows that.” Inwardly, I grimaced at my own words. Had Y/n been around to hear those words I would have been slapped upside the head.

“How do you know that? Do you have proof?” Changbin mused, a drunk smile on his face. “Let’s say this is a fairytale. You and Y/n have to be the main characters! The prince and the princess always get to together in the end! Duhhh!”

Even in my sour and depressed mood it was easy to laugh as Changbin slid off the armchair and landed on his head. “He does have a point, Ji.” Chan said, listing his head back onto the couch. Two of his fingers pushed the bottom of the bottle back up towards my face. “You’re the leading man in your own life, dude. Stop acting like the best friend. If you want her go get her.”

My thumb brushed over the grooves in the plastic . The alcohol was quickly clearing out of my system. A numbness filled my body as I contemplated the options put in front of me. Maybe it was time for me to be selfish. Maybe it was time for me to get what I wanted.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself off the sofa and headed for the door.

❃

Thirteen hours. Thirteen hours before my best friend’s wedding and I was walking to her house at two in the morning to confess my feelings for her. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I mumbled under my breath. The view of her parents house was growing closer as I walked down the street. Y/n told me earlier in the week she would be staying there the night before the big day.

Just like so many nights in our teen-dom, a familiar yellow glow from Y/n’s bedroom window illuminated the street below her house. Through the second story window I could see glimpses of movement. For a moment I just stood, doubting all the decisions I made in the last twenty minutes. I could chicken out here. Turn around and go home. She would never know.

Just as I was about to turn around, I was caught in daze by the image in the window. Y/n stepped into view, radient like a new morning. From the little I could see from the street, she was wearing the dress I had picked from the boutique. Her hair was messily pushed back and strands fell in front of her eyes. The glint of the standing mirror flashed across from where she stood. Her beautiful E/c eyes trained on her reflection.

She was breathtaking. My chest got tight just looking at her and a cold sweat was born on my palms. I watched as she rung her hands together, nervously twisting the rings on her fingers; a habit we both shared. Y/n let out a shaky breath before returning her gaze to the looking glass, this time with a smile.

Her delicate fingers reached up and brushed her cheek before they stretched out as if to shake some invisible person’s hand. Her smile grew brighter as she talked to this imaginary person. She laughed and looked truly the happiest I had seen her in a long time.

My eyes fell to the road, scuffing my shoe on the asphalt. She was happy. No matter how badly I wanted her.....there was no way I was going to take that away from her. Y/n’s happiness mattered more than mine. I could find comfort in the knowledge that she would be happy. That she would be taken care of. That she got everything she deserved. Everything I could never give her.

Turning on my heel, the cold air and truth bleeding me sober, I walked back into the city away from my happy ending.

❃

Y/n’s POV

Thirteen hours. Thirteen hours before my wedding and I was questioning everything for absolutely no reason. The rest of my family was long asleep. Yet, here I sat in my wedding dress feeling like everything I was doing, every decision I made.....was wrong. I felt like crying for no reason, my throat refusing to be anything but tight.

Coming to my feet, I smoothed out the gorgeous gown and walked with no purpose until I found myself staring at the mirror on the far side of the room. The girl on the other side of the glass looked like a bride. Why wasn’t I happy with that?

Standing up tall like my mother lectured many times in the past few days, I pursed my lips and put on a pained smile. “Hi, I’m Mrs. Nam Jiho,” The name felt unclean coming from my lips. Tilting my head, I rubbed my face before staring back at my reflection. I sighed pushing back the feeling of tears begging to spill over.

“It’s nice to meet you, my name is Nam Y/n.” I shivered, swallowing the last bit of moisture in my mouth. “Nam....Y/n.....Y/n Nam....Mrs.Nam Y/n.” The more I tried to look at the person who I would become the more I felt like crying. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Mrs. Nam Y/n....” Before I could finish the words I broke into tears. Loud sobs filled my room and all I could do was stare at the hollow shell reflected in my mirror.

My heart ached. The air in the room around me felt heavy, like a weight on my shoulders, pushing me down into the ground. Pushing past the lump in my throat, my eyes returned to the mirror, this time fixating on the photos framing the glass. Pictures of my friends and family.

My heart lifted seeing a photo of Jisung and me. It was an old picture from highschool, probably taken on one of those disposable cameras you could get at corner stores. His school uniform was slightly too big for his then thin frame. My skirt was just a little too long and my shoes were never quite the right size. We were seated on the bleachers outside the school. Jisung sat on the row above me and let me rest between his legs. His arm was wrapped around my shoulders, as he leaned around to kiss my cheek. I was caught in the middle of a laugh and Jisung looked so happy right next to me.

I smiled remembering the day from the printed memory. A friend we both had lost touch with had taken the photo while we weren’t looking. We then got teased for days afterwards. My fingers brushed over the delicate fabric of the dress. The dress that Jisung had chosen. Jisung. Almost every happy moment of my life....was tied to Jisung. Taking a step forward, I looked back in the mirror. Sniffing away the tears, I smiled.

“I’m please to meet you....I’m Mrs. Han Jisung,”

The smile on my face grew bigger and my heart swelled. Reaching up I brushed away the tears that spilled over before holding my hand as if meeting one of the guests at my wedding. “Jisung and I are so pleased you could come to our wedding,”

The feeling in my chest had me wishing to cry all over again but for a different reason. I wanted to jump and scream at the top of my lungs the name ‘Han Y/n’. The more I said it, the more I felt like a teenager again.

All I could think about was Jisung. His dark hair, dyed one too many times, leaving it slightly damaged but somehow still soft. His big, round, doe eyes. The way he told the stupidest jokes. His voice- not just when he sang, but even simply speaking his voice was one of my favorite sounds. Pressing my hands to my cheeks, I pulled away finding them hot.

“Fuck...I’m in love with Jisung.”

❃

“Okay, I need everyone to give me some fucking space!” I shouted, effectively silencing my dressing room. One by one, my maid of honor ushered the ladies out. I let slip one time that I am having second thoughts and all hell breaks loose.

Sitting at the vanity, my head fell into my hands. I was dejected. Confused. And obviously sitting with a pretty big headache. I hadn’t heard from Jisung since the dress appointment and he didn’t answer any of my texts this morning. It was like he was avoiding me. Eyeing the champagne on table I contemplated drinking the whole damn bottle then just going through with the event. As much as I wanted to get married, I didn’t want to do it to someone I didn’t love.

Standing up, I manuevered the champagne filled vessel away from my body and popped it, the sound letting loose a satisfying echo. The bubbly liquid filled the glass flute I picked up. My first sip was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“I told you guys I needed space! Just fuck off!”

Downing the glass, I turned to pour another one. Drunk ceremony was looking like my best option right about now. The click of the dressing room door opening caused my ears to prick up. “I said fuck off-”

“That’s not very nice language coming from the bride.”

Jisung stood in the doorway, hesitant smile on his face. His hair was almost styled, pieces still falling loose over his forehead. A black blazer hung over an untucked slightly wrinkled white dress shirt. His slender hands were shoved in the pockets of his blue jeans.

“Coming from you that’s rich,” He watched me drink in his appearance. “Jeans, Ji? You come to my wedding in jeans and Doc Martens?”

My best friend rubbed the back of his neck, eyes trained on the carpeted floor. “To be honest....I wasn’t sure I was coming at all.”

I blinked, trying to process the words just said to me. My best friend....the man I loved more than anything in the world...said he almost didn’t come to my wedding. “Excuse me?”

“Y/n....we need to talk....”

My chest tightened in anticipation as I watched Jisung close the door. He stayed on the opposite side of the room seemingly nervous or afraid to even look my way. A hint of a smile appeared as I watched Jisung anxiously turn the silver rings around his fingers. “Ji, have you been avoiding me...”

Instead of answering, the man’s eyes fell to the bottle on the vanity. He motioned to it, wordlessly asking for a glass. Stepping away, I allowed him enough room to cross and pour a glass for himself. He downed the flute like a shot almost making me laugh at the similarity between us. “Didn’t you want to get married outside? In a forest if I remember correctly?”

“Don’t change the subject, Jisung.”

“I’m not.” For the first time I felt like Jisung really looked at me. His eyes seemed to soften. Before I could once again appreciate how beguiling his eyes were, they retreated back to their place on the floor. “Y/n....this isn’t you. You deserve a fairytale ending. Your fairytale ending. You don’t deserve a shotgun wedding in some church with nobody watching just waiting for the hour de vours to be passed out.”

“I’m not pregnant. This isn’t a shotgun-”

“Please just let me finish, Y/n....”

Nodding, I leaned against the vanity and watched my friend’s hands brushed through his dark locks. The silver hanging from his ears glinted in the bright fluorescent lighting. “Y/n...Don’t....don’t get married.” He seemed encouraged by my reaction, or lack thereof. “I think about you a little more than I should. A lot more actually. For a long time. Y/n/n, I’ve been in love with you since grade school.”

A familiar lump began to form in my throat and a pit formed in my stomach. Gaining confidence, Jisung’s eyes met mine. “It’s been killing me...seeing you with that asshole. I know you’re happy. I know that you’re better off with him. He can give you everything that I can’t, because you deserve to have a nice house. You deserve to be spoiled with gifts and trips. You deserve to not come home every night and worry whether the rent has been paid.” Jisung stopped and stared at the empty glass in his hands.

“You always talked about fairytales when we were little. Well...my fairytale would just be us. No magic. No princes and princesses. Cause you’re enough for me. More than enough. Y/n, you’re it for me. You’re my fairytale.”

His eyes widened seeing a single tear rolling down my cheek. Before continuing Jisung watched me with shaking hands carefully set the glass flute on the vanity behind me.

“I- I want you to be happy. If you’re happy with Jiho then I will go out into that church and clap when you get hitched. Because, that's what friends fucking do and that I can give you. But...if there is any chance....any part of you...that loves me at all....even a little bit....”

He gulped, fingers ferociously twisting the rings on his right hand. Not many would believe it, but Jisung was shy. Introverted. It was rare to see him like this. Jisung wasn’t afraid or nervous, but more timid or demure. I could almost see his heart physically stop beating as I opened my mouth to speak.

“I’m not happy, Ji.” He blinked, big, brown, doe eyes trying to understand what I meant. “I want to be. But, I can’t be happy with someone I don’t love. I don’t care about the money or the gifts. I just.....want my fireworks. I think you can understand that more than anyone.”

Jisung nodded dejectedly, shoving his hands into the pockets of the blazer that seemed to be holding itself together with only a few threads. He seemed to not understand what I was saying. “I do....understand- I mean. That’s all I want for you. If you can’t be happy with Jiho or me then-”

“Fuck, Ji. You really are dense aren’t you?”

“What?”

Reaching forward, I twisted the collar of Jisung’s slightly unbuttoned shirt and pulled him closer. Before our lips even touched I could feel electricity in the air, sparking and making room hotter. Finally feeling my lips against his sent my stomach on a rollercoaster; twisting, turning, loop de loops, and free falls giving me the greatest feeling spreading to the rest of my body.

The feeling of my fingers sliding up his neck, must have brought Jisung out of whatever shock induced daze he was in. Like second nature his arms wrapped around me, cool hands pressing into the bare skin of my back. There was nothing but fire in my stomach as Jisung dragged his lips over mine at a painstakingly slow pace. The man smiled feeling me pull and tangle my fingers in his soft dark tresses.

“Fireworks?” I asked, pulling away with my bottom lip snagged between my teeth.

“Millions.” Jisung’s thumb brushed over my cheek before he leaned back in capturing my lips in another death defying kiss. “Did you drive here? I took the train.” He mumbled between kisses.

I laughed feeling happier than any moment before in my life. “My car is out back. You’re driving.”

Opening my eyes, I saw that signature smirk my best friend was famous for. For the first time I knew why my insides did flips when it was directed at me. Lacing his fingers with mine he dragged me from the dressing room and led me through the halls as fast as we could run with one of us in a wedding dress. As we reached the car, slamming the doors shut, the bells in the chapel started to ring making the both of us grin. Jisung leaned over, fastening my seatbelt before kissing my lips like they were his only source of air.

“You make quite the gorgeous runaway bride,”

❃

Masterlist

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hollandstanevans · 4 years ago

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Awkward.

Chapter 6

masterlist

warnings: mentions of death, swear words,

Previously on awkward:

“So are we all just going to ignore the fact that he called my wife babe?”, Chris asked the room.

Your wife? Y/n you’re married?”, Tom asked you.

“Only on paper,” you retorted. Your shock starting to wear off you walked towards Tom and said, “Can we take this somewhere where everyone isn’t. I hate everyone knowing my business and I’ll explain everything once we’re alone ok,” you told him.

“Ok”

Now:

You lead Tom up to your room so you could talk. He walked before you and you shut the door.

“So I actually don’t know where to start, I know you probably have a shit ton of questions and I honestly don’t know where to fucking start so I guess storytime and if I don’t answer all of your questions feel free to ask. Is that ok with you?” you asked Tom.

“Yeah y/n I guess”, he responded

“Ok when we met all those years ago I got the job at Hopkins so I moved up here and I started spending time with my brother Chris the Hemsworth one.” you chuckle after that trying to ease up the tension.

“How are you and Chris siblings and I’ve never heard him talk about a sister?”

“I didn’t either. Um, when I was 16 his dad died I found out he left me a pretty big sum of money. Then one day there Chris Hemsworth is outside of my door telling me I’m his sister. Yea I didn’t believe it either and suddenly my mom is telling me that my dad isn’t my biological dad and it just took me a while to get used to everything. Then suddenly Hemsworth and I are as thick as thieves. So the first time we ever really spent real quality time together is when we first met that year. I mean I mentioned having a brother but you didn’t ask more about and I wasn’t just gonna volunteer information. Imagine how that would’ve gone hey Tom btw you know the Hemsworth brothers Chris, Liam, and Luke yea so those are my brothers. You wouldn’t have believed me especially now finding out that you’re Spider-man.”

You didn’t let Tom catch a word in before you went on your next explanation.

“So no I just don’t go around telling people that Hemsworth is my brother and after that happened with Chris I tried to stay out of MCU workers’ hairs. I guess that didn’t work too well.’

You let out a chuckle to ease the tension.

“After Chris and I separated I didn’t keep up with anything marvel related. I mean I didn’t really beforehand either but definitely now. I guess that gets back to the big thing. Chris and I being married. We met a couple of weeks after we lost touch. I got the job and moved back up here so during my free time I spent a lot of time with Hemsworth and that meant going to set, parties, dinners, you get it and Chris and I met. We got married after about a year of dating. We were great for the first couple of years and then we weren’t. I don’t really go into detail about that right now. I left him and spent some time crying here and I finally got my life back and you show back up being the amazing guy that I remember and here we are now me in my bedroom telling you all of this.”

You finally finish and that whole ordeal and you realized that your face was wet not knowing that you started crying from all of this going on. You fully expected Tom to leave right after that but he stayed and pulled you into a bear hug and you just stayed there and sat in eahother silent presence for the moment nothing being heard except the silent whimpers of your tears and the ending of a party that was going on in the distance. It lasted for what felt like for eternity and you never wanted it to end and you thought it was going to stay that way until you heard those words fall from his lips and you honestly thought you were dreaming.. so you asked him “Am I dreaming or did you really just say that?’ So he said it again for you to hear it clear so there were no mistakes.

“I love you y/n”

And for the first time in a long time you felt content with life you were on the verge of falling asleep but right before you passed out you said something that made Tom know how you felt about him.

So the next day you woke up and it was 12 pm you don’t know the last time you slept in that long but you looked around and Tom was gone. It didn’t bother you because the day was halfway through and you were just getting up. So you did the first thing any normal person would and looked for your phone to see what you’ve missed and low and behold you had a million notifications not literally but you know. The most recent message was from Tom and it read.

Tom: Hey had to leave earlier to go to set text me when you wake and I’ll call you on my next break.

You were going to respond until another message caught your eye.

From Chris: Hey we need to talk about last night. Can you meet later today?

You did what a mature person would do and powered off your phone off and went to look for your brother because he got you in this mess and he was gonna help you get out of it or at least understand it. And the next thing you did was yell down the halls.

“Hemsworth where are you? Christopher Hemsworth-”

“I’m in the living room y’n”

So you ran down to the living room as quick as you could and naturally you tumbled down the stairs while doing it and landed face first but who had time to think about to think about that but of course Hemsworth that a big deal needed to be made out of this such a big deal and after explaining to him that we did not have the time to see if I was ok we had to discus more important issues.

“What’s more important l/n that you are dating Tom Holland while still being married to Chris Evans and that they work together and neither of them knew? Is that what’s more important? Or that you didn’t tell your brother that you were dating on of his co-stars again? Ya let’s talk about that then.”

“It’s not like that. I didn’t know that Tom worked with you guys. I met him years ago when I did I came up here for that interview and we lost contact after we both went back home and I ran back into him a couple of months ago and we started dating. You know I don’t have time for movies or news. My life doesn’t revolve around the MCU like y’alls I am a doctor for pete’s sake. So I am sorry that I didn’t know all of this to keep you in the loop, but that has already happened and I can’t change that. So I am here asking you to help me now.”

“Y/n you know I didn’t mean it like that”

“This wouldn’t be so hard if-”

The doorbell rang and Chris went to open the door and spoke to the person and they had a very familiar voice but you couldn’t pin point it from the couch.

A/N: umm heyy guys long time no update. I say this everytime that i’m gonna update regularly and then I don’t well I tried and then this happened. I started this chapter and just started to get super busy but I do hope to write more often and get into a pattern soo that’s the plan hopefully I can get the next part out in the next week or two. So if you want to be tagged when that comes out lmk!!! lots of love - j!!!

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angelic-jeonghan1004 · 4 years ago

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Fallen For U || Serim

Another song lyric based fic! I've been listening to this song religiously again so here we are💕 btw I I've been doing a time stamp event for Valentine's day I have info posted the link is there! pls go check it out and request something💘 this is my Valentines gift to you all so please enjoy and happy Valentine's Day💞

Synopsis: Cute barista boy finally gonna make his move?

Pairing: Barista! Serim x reader

Genre: fluff!! Cafe au!

Warnings: none this is so fluffy like the amount of cheesy and sweetness is absurd

Listen to: Falling For U - Seventeen

This isn't proof read so sorry for any spelling mistakes

Gif credits to rightful owner ✨

You arrived at your favorite coffee shop. It may not have had your favorite coffee yet it had your favorite boy; ever since you first started coming here you had some sort of connection. Light flirting was there it was obvious you two liked eachother. The question was just who was going to make the move. It was Valentine's day you where wondering if you should or wait for him too. The barista you've become head over heels is no other than Serim, you've already exchanged numbers and talk a bit; yet none of your conversations beat the ones you have at the cafe. Getting your drink it was Allen at the counter one of your favorite workers alongside Serim, he is incredibly sweet. Serim seemed to be in the back grabbing ingredients for the pastries. Allen quickly made your drink and you went to your favorite spot near the register so you could have easy conversation. Allen handed you your coffee and you began to have small talk, Serim returned from the back and saw you sitting there with a smile beginning to form.

Coffee in one hand, earphone in one ear with quite music playing, you where emerged in your conversation with Allen you didn't see Serim turned the corner. He watched as you giggled softly smiling at Allen for the story on how he embaressed himself when taking an order earlier went down. Once someone else entered the cafe Allen went to go to the register but Serim was already there, you realized it too and immediately formed a smile on your face once again.

He took the order of the middle aged lady at the front with a smile that made your heart pound. He tapped the side of the register with his palm it was a habit you took note of his, waiting for him to finish the nice lady's order you felt a bit of anxiety in you on what moves would be made today. The lady waited for her coffee in which Allen got it done in no time handing it to her, she left soon after, now we are back to just the 3 of you in the cafe. Serim took this as the go to sit next to you.

"Have you missed me? I was in the back for so long~" He said chuckling, you could tell he was joking around but he wasn't wrong.

"Infact I did, how has your day been pretty boy? Got any Valentine's day plans?" You said elbowing his shoulder, a tint of a light red started to cover his cheeks and ears. The last sentence making him take notice it is Valentine's day, should he just confess?? He started to dwell in his mind on what to do.

"Hello? Earth to Serim?" You said laughing at his very focused face, he quickly blinked and shaked his head causing both you and Allen to laugh.

"Oh oh sorry, I mean no? Maybe? We'll find out?" He said awkwardly and now it was your turn to go red trying to tell what he meant. He took conversation in a different direction just light filler talk to joke around with you, to appreciate being there with you.

You stayed talking like that, Allen knew of the chemistry between you two so he let Serim stay talking with you as long as not too many customers came in. As conversations grew longer today was slow for their cafe so he was able to sit with you. You knew it'd get busier around 1 or so but that was in 30 minutes so you could appreciate the scenery and the boy infront of you till then. You heard a ring at the door and looked up out of curiosity to see it was no other than Woobin one of the other sweet boys at the cafe, you and him had become close after sharing dinner recipes together so you smiled at his entry.

Woobin went up to you both for small talk making you both blush calling you two love bugs but quickly got past it. Serim could not hide the joy in his face watching you interact with Woobin, to know the girl he is head over heels for gets along with some of the people closest to him set his heart on fire. looking at you he got lost in emotions thinking how you where someone to hold him when he's down right there for him wether in person or text, he always longed to know what true love felt like and there it was right in front of him. There you where his happiness. He was so glad you had came to the shop those 7 months back, so happy he found you the person is right before his eyes, the person he's fallen so deeply for, the person who had him realize was love felt like, you there you where.

You could feel his eyes on you but you didn't mind, you conversation went and he walked to behind the counter since it was nearing one so people would be here for Valentine dates.

Serim soon after waves of people started to come in had to go to the back but first asking if you wanted a second cup of coffee as you had finished your first which you happy accepted, going to make you coffee so many thoughts ran through his head. He was completely whipped for you, getting your coffee done and bringing it to your table he winked and laughed at your ears going red. Simple things had his mind in loops, he wanted to hold your hands just hold you tight when locking eyes. Spending time with you makes him more happy then you'll ever know. It’s made him smile right now just at the thought of you.

As people came and gone he would take any chance to sit with you and talk, the two other boys would follow suit as well just having a good time. Once the second wave of people came to the cafe they once again where back to work. Serim went to the back to refill the coffee grinds.

Getting through your second cup of coffee it had already been a two hours or three and you decided it was time to go. You wanted to count this interaction as a date since it's nice to think about being on a date on Valentine's day, plus you say together for a few hours and talked as if it where a date. Once he gets back from restocking the coffee grinds should you take the time to confess? To be official? Wait for him to? It's been so much waiting you're unsure if you could take any longer. It was 3:30 PM you got there at 12:25 PM maybe it was a good idea to head out and text him later, you'd been in the cafe for so long he had all the chances to confess, you thought for a while. Serim came from the back like he did just a few hours before but this time with a slip of paper in his hand. Serim walked up to you opening your hand and lightly placing it there. Thoughts keep getting tangled in your head, as you looked up at him.

"Read it once you leave the cafe okay? I don't think I can watch you read it." Serim said becoming red holding back a smile walking to the counter. You took this as your time to leave as you said bye to the now 3 boys.

Exiting the cafe you waisted no time to look at the slip of paper once you where out of cafe windows view.

|| I’m falling for you, It’s too late to escape these feelings as I've had them for months. I think you have them too, I'm off work at 6 text me if you want to have a nice dinner and be my valentine? ||

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thewritingstar · 5 years ago

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To Learn to Love Again

Pairing: Gruvia

warnings: character death..

Hi! im not dead I swear!! any ways i truly apologize for this one.......like i cried........but i hope you enjoy???? (i need to write cute stuff...its coming!)

----

“Someone as vile as you could never learn love, and that's where you lose.”

Those words had haunted her ever since they had been spoken. Her expression didn’t even waver at the tone and she rolled her eyes before plunging a knife deep into their stomach, silencing them for all eternity. The blood leaked out and she was gone before their leg had stopped twitching.

And they were right. She could never love, not again.

She had gone through husband after husband. Finding a rich hallow shell of man who would drop to their knees in a slight second and offer her everything, that was what she had. She collected her debt and when she was done, they would be cast aside in the shadows, divorced and some even left for dead.

That look of numbness, it was cold and brutal and brought a frosty chill down anyone's spine who had happened to catch her gaze, it was always there.

Ring after ring, she tossed them aside or would leave them for an orphanage to pawn off just to feed the hungry children, she had some sort of heart beneath all the smoke and fog inside. They never lasted longer than a month and if so, it could rust off before she could ever say ‘i love you’.

Those words, like fire on the tongue, sick to the stomach and made her toes curl in disgust any time someone uttered them to her. It was all one sided. She didn’t need affection or anyone. She could handle herself but taking ego of a man and all his riches could only fill the hole in her heart for long. She had sold her soul along time ago anyways.

Love. It almost had her laugh. Almost. It was pathetic at this point to even think about it, to even give that hope a speck of light. No, she was far to gone now. There was nothing in this universe that brought her pride or joy. Even the sweet lemon candy she once loved had lost its touch and was just a force of habit now.

-- She clean the knife in the sink and set it aside. Her gaze went out the window as the rain trickled on. Something so beautiful and needed for the world to grow had now become a nuisance, flooding everything in its path and drawing people away than in. But she was fine with that, at least she knew her place.

Even in the pouring rain, she grabbed the umbrella. She once had a bright pink one with hearts that danced along the top but traded it for the dark blue as it seemed to fit her better now. Someday she wished she had it back, but that would be too much. It would bring back more bitterness than good.

She boots squished in the mud and she gave up caring. There was nothing for her now and slowly and slowly she felt herself drifting farther and farther away, wishing she was like the rain. Here for a second, then gone the next.

“Never learn to love.” She clutched the handle, her knuckles turning white.

She could never love any other.

Not any more.

“Thats where you lose.”

And she had lost.

But they were wrong about love. Wrong about her never feeling the highs and lows of what the feeling was. She had been in love before, a beautiful and wonderful love.

Her memory was constantly playing those times, a loop for only her to know. Where she could run through the forest with him hot on her heels and they would lose their breath and slump against the tree. He would lean over her, hiding her from the burning sun under a tree and kiss her cheek, then her neck, then her lips. She could almost taste him. She could almost see the way his eyes glazed over as he took her in and she could feel the blush.

Memories of them fighting bad guys and using their strengths to out number their opponents, she would hug him tight after a victory and they would slip away from the crowds and he would tell her how much her loved her.

The times they spent dancing, humming to their own tunes. She remembers how shy he was when they first started dating but then his confidence soared and he made sure that everyone knew how much he adored her.

Her laughed at her jokes, held her when she was sad and cheered her on no matter what. They were the ones people rooted for.

The feeling of love was always with her and it washed away the years of pain and suffering she endured. He was the one to carry her out of the dark, to love her a full capacity. To make her head be in the clouds even on the bad days.

She knew what love was.

And then it ended just as it began. She had love the tragedy in literature and now she was suffering, the only difference was once the book close, you could open it and start again. This was permanent.

The scream that escaped her lips as she watched his knees buckle to the ground and fall just as he saved her, it echoed through the empty walls of the house they once shared. The blood that coated the fresh fallen snow, stuck to her mind that a broken record player and when she held him in her arm, he gave her a smile.

His head was in her lap and she brushed back his bangs. His chest rising and falling, it stopping faster and faster. Her face was red with tears and anger but all she could see was his dark brown eyes looking up at her. She could tell you the moment when his eyes had lost his soul and turned black.

“You saved me again.” She said and he had enough strength to bring her hand to his lips.

“You were always so beautiful even when you cried.” he whispered just as his eyes fluttered. “I love you.” And she didn’t think he heard her when she said it back.

She had lost the only one she had ever loved. And that next day she still walked down in her wedding dress and cried until the sun rose the next day. That pit of despair and fear crawled back into her slowly, undoing all the darkness he had vanished.

There was nothing stopping her, nothing keeping her going. And when they all came to find her, she was long gone, never to be seen again.

-- Her feet slowed as she stopped at a small clearing in the forest.

The money, the jewels, the riches. None of that mattered.

This life she was living was suppose to be theirs. She was suppose to wake up and see him there. Walk down the path with him at her side and watch as he would make her small sculptures out of ice. He would sit on the counter as she baked and try and distract her. There was so much of the world left to see yet she had lost her universe already.

Her knees hit the group with a thud but she made no noise as she guided her hand to the cold stone that had his name engraved. The only thing that ever made her feel even the smallest speck of emotion was her ring.

The only ring she had even wore was from him, her beloved. And even that had lost its sparkle over time.

“You know Gray-sama…” She thought this was dumb. Talking to a stone, but right now, more than ever, she needed him. “Juvia thought she could do it… she thought she could be okay.” Her lips trembled and for the first time in a while, she cried. “You taught Juvia how to love. How to be a wonderful and selfless person, you did. And its not fair” Another wave of sadness hit her. She shook her head. “The way you smiled and laughed with your friends, you loved everyone.”

“Juvia just hopes you knew how much she loved you.” She sobbed and she could feel the tears burning her cheeks.

There was a silence, like always and she hoped she would wake up from this bad dream and he would be standing there and his arms would be open and she would run to him and never let go. But she didn’t, and she never would. He was her person and she was his.

She sat at his grave, tracing his name slowly and she prayed that she never forgot the sound of his voice or the smell of his clothes. The feeling of his hands and the texture of his lips had faded like a whisper and before she realized what was happening, it was gone.

“Happy anniversary my love.”

The sky above grew darker as she finally managed to walk away, turning around just to feel her heart shatter again. She could never learn to love again, because how could you love someone when your heart had been given up long ago?

And then the minute reset.

Her eyes were blurry with tears as she heard someone call her name.

“Juvia!” She looked down to see Gray in her lap, fear in his eyes as pulled her close.

Her entire memory had become twisted in her mind as she looked around at the battle field then back at Gray. Her tears were full of anger and sorrow.

“Juvia?’ He said worried about that look but before he could finish she had slammed their lips together and pulled him closer to her.

His breath was warm on her face as she pulled away and she looked him in the eyes. they were still the beautiful shade of brown, full of life with pupils blown wide.

“Gray, promise Juvia you’ll never leave her like that again?”

And the look on her face had sent a cold shiver down his spine. He didn’t know that he had just died and their future had played in her mind, but what he did know in that moment was to never leave her because he loved her.

“I promise.”

She had learned to love, but she would be damned if she ever lost. No, not ever again.

That night Gray gave her a promise ring and it shined brightly and her tears and sorrow were soon forgotten.

----

Btw i wasn’t going to add the happy ending but then i thought that yall maybe needed it. Im sorry i havent been posting but now that we are in quarantine, hopefully i can get more going, i have alot planned!!

hope you enjoyed!

#gruvia #gruvia oneshot #gruvia fanfiction #gray x juvia #gray fullbuster #juvia loxar #Juvia Lockser #fairy tail #fairytail oneshot #thewritingstar

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sketchyracoon · 4 years ago

Photo

I may have lost any semblance of control on my life i had before. Among Us AU details under the cut.

Many of them have accents. I had the idea that they were from a big like multi-country space project and fell in love with the idea of the American(s) on the ship just startling the others because of things like the lack of bidets in the US.

Red (Elliot) is 38, is a Texan and you can tell he says Ya'll as a descriptor and many of the others are slightly fearful of the way he mashes words together. his whole personality can be summed up with "I'm a cowboy baby" and the fact that he's angy.

If I'm honest he is the only American on board that really startles the other crewmates even the other Americans are like "hey dude chill".

Orange (Herbert) is 27 probably from France (haven't really decided yet) and he was more confident before shock horror bad things happened to the whole crew. (More on that at five). Herbert is also very easily overwhelmed, he tries to pay attention but is often confused. I’ve also decided to change the egg on his head to be a hat in the future but I decided that after I drew the egg.

Pink (Eun-Jung) is 29, South Korean but he got some schooling in Britain and has probably traveled a lot. He looks soft but he can and will throw a mean punch. He and Herbert have crushes on each other but they kinda put it to the side when shit went down. There have been many times however when Eun-Jung has sat down with Herbert and calmed him down and dried his tears.

Green (Philip) is one of the younger crewmates being 22, he's a very studious lad he loves adventure novels and always wanted to go to space.

Especially after watching shows and reading books about space. He keeps trying to get together group DND nights but it's very hard for him to cater to everyone's interests cause he's the kind of DM that wants everyone to have fun but he also has a lot planned for a session but nothing ever happens because everyone is always goofing off. He still has fun tho and so does everyone else.

White is Angie, If I'm honest I named her that because of the halo she's wearing, and I thought it'd be funny. She is a not so single once single mother who lost her husband when her kid was born. She used to live in England but moved to Ireland for new scenery and for the space project.

She and black (Jolene) met in school and quickly fell in love. They Are Married! And the whole crew hates (loves) how sappy they are. Angie is stubborn and strong but also very kind and level-headed, she's not easily overwhelmed like Herbert is but when she does get overwhelmed, she doesn't crumble like he does. Doesn't mean her wife doesn't comfort her tho.

They both are in their late forties (Angie is 48 and Jolene is 49) and I named Jolene, Jolene because of the song. Jolene is Irish btw idk if I made that clear. And she is the definition of a chaotic lesbian, Angie tries very hard to keep her air of being a distinguished bi but she's also very chaotic at heart. They both are greying hair-wise but Jolene keeps covering it up with dye. Jolene thinks her wife looks very elegant with the white in her curls. Jolene can be summed up with that one Tumblr post story about a girl who told a girl she liked that "her air must be mad crisp" because of her plants.

Cyan (Tea) is Scandinavian and listen this like Eun-Jung's name is where is gets shaky google wise, and if this name isn't really a Scandinavian than I guess it's just an eccentric nickname. (I’m assuming it’s pronounced like the drink but if I’m wrong sorry) She is NERDY AND PROUD, but like not movie nerdy girl I mean genuinely weird nerdy. I guess technically everyone is a little nerdy in this crew but she's a feral kind of scientist. She is technically the captain of the ship because of her science background and her previous work with the Scandinavian branch of the space mission. Her goggles are prescription. She is 36 and has a little crush on the resident father of two purple (Perry).

Perry is a loving dad and all-around kind dude, he fathers the group sometimes intentionally. Often taking control of making food, and sometimes the group meetings, even tho technically he's not in charge. He's an open ear to the entire crew and he loves his two kids so much. He doesn't talk much about how he and his Ex split up but it's clear that he and his kids are happier without her. He Kinda likes Tea back a little but he's so busy being a good dad that he doesn't know that. He's often found baking for everyone and is in fact the culprit behind the extra five pounds everyone gained when joining the ship. Perry is 32. His family is from India and he visited his extended family there a lot but he was born and raised in the UK.

Blue (Liz which is short for Elizabeth) is not the greatest with people, she tries her best but she often comes off weird she's 51, one of her hobbies is learning and practicing different rules to fighting styles. She’s trying to teach herself taekwondo but the lack of instructor and need to use downloaded videos is holding her back. She's got some skill in boxing and ran a self-defense course back on earth. Her entire class was sad to see her go but the respected her decision and on the off days that the ship gets reception to radio back earth or other ships she makes sure to message them back with well wishes.

Yellow (Zack) is a little shit lord, he is the youngest on crew at age 19. He got in through a series of events up to and including the fact that his parents were exasperated by him and that his Aunt Liz (who he calls Aunt Lizzy) telling them that they were short a crewmate. the previous yellow left and they were having trouble getting a fit for the crew's specific needs, everyone else was on different crews and couldn't leave to fill in their gap. They were planning to leave with nine people when Zack reluctantly signed up. He was 18 at the time he first signed up and after a year of training, he was greenlit just in time for the mission.

He doesn't really get along well with anyone but he slowly opens up to the crew overtime. He got labeled as a problem child because of undiagnosed ADHD and focus problems and by the time he was diagnosed it was too late and all of his teachers had basically given up on him.

The entire crew tho is cool with it because many of them are neurodivergent. Liz and Zack are the other Americans of the crew. But Elliot is the only one who is not bi/multilingual. Unless you count Texas accent as a language which a many of the crew jokingly do. In which case he is fluent.

But then disaster struck, after a few months of bonding and growing close as a found family people started to die. After some trial and error, they found out that Herbert and Zack were behind it. Liz and Eun-Jung being two of the few remaining both reacted differently Eun-Jung was controlled anger barely keeping it together and Liz was deeply disappointed, she wanted better from her nephew.

What was weird tho was after ejecting the pair their display panels confirmed that they were "imposters" and now that they thought about it it was weird that they were all locked to this one specific floor of this ship. but no matter that was a thought for another day. now able to go to the lower floors the remaining crew mates all went to bed.

The next morning however everyone was back and alive not even a scar remaining, even the imposters. returned. After a lot of shouting (mainly from Elliot who was pissed about being stabbed) the crew started to reluctantly trust what Hubert and Zack were saying that they didn't want to hurt or kill any of them but something made them and it was like they were in a haze.

It was only directly after a kill that they could snap out of it and control themselves briefly (kill cooldown) before they lost control again. Since then they've been stuck in this sick loop where they all keep taking turns being stuck as imposter killing each other. At first when it happened again, they thought it was Herbert and Zack again but once it didn't stop anything and the ship told them that they weren’t imposters.

They realized that it was randomized. Overtime they learned the rules. Only Imposters can access vents, the kill count, that they can then follow around and do things as ghosts after thy get murdered, etcetera. But one thing they didn't realize was the punishments.

Overtime as they each tried to break the rules by, revealing themselves as imposter, trying desperately hard to go pacifist, or any number of other things like trying to remove their helmets, or talk on comms before emergencies on meetings they were punished.

Philip is now growing plants off of himself. Eun-Jung has a similar punishment but it's solely cherry blossoms. Herbert is stuck killing everyone by eating them with a giant mouth from his stomach. I don't know Elliot’s punishment yet but the thought to make him Texan squared did cross my mind.

Angie is turning into one of those rad many-eyed angels from Dante's inferno. Jolene is now growing goat horns and her eyes are now goat-like. And Idk what other punishments to give Tea, Perry, Liz, and Zack, I want them to be related to the hats and stuff you can wear in game like some of the others but how to you punish some one using a banana? Or two kids? Or googles? I’ll probably come up with something later especially since they are all mostly hidden by the suits, that means that conceivably their punishments are hidden by the suits.

#among us #among us ocs #my art #i've lost it. bye ya'll I'm lost in the sauce #i'#I spent so much time while i drew them thinking of their dynamics and stuff and how the universe would work for optimal angst

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bigskydreaming · 4 years ago

Text

@elfysparkles88

#listen it's a universal problem#I love my mans Scott#everyone is always bagging on him WHY#Scott Summers#X-Men

Its because Scott Summers is inevitably compared and contrasted with those around him, and he has the great misfortune of running in the same circles as an all-star line up of like....just the absolutely most Ridiculous People to Ever Ridick.

We’re talking about a guy whose dad was abducted by aliens and from there went on to decide, welp, guess I gotta become a space pirate now, jaunty earring and all, no, shhh, shh, no, there are no alternatives, I gotta, no, I said no - SHUT IT, I SAID I GOTTA BE A SPACE PIRATE NOW ITS THE ONLY WAY. Oh btw, meet my fianceé. She’s an alien mercenary who is a little like a skunk but don’t call her that to her face or she’ll shoot you in yours. How’s that for swoonworthy, am I right, son?

We’re talking about a guy whose own son was a literal sixty year old Grumpy Old Man overburdened with world-weariness, wildly unnecessary shoulderpads and arthritic joints when Scott was barely hitting his third decade. With said son now randomly being a moody sixteen year old again, with a pet sentient sword he talks lovingly to, because apparently Nathan Summer’s take on teenage rebellion was to act out by being all LOL Fuck Time Travel Paradoxes and then rebelliously zooming around the space/time continuum while blasting a soundtrack of MCR probably, until he finally got a bead on his older self and shot himself in the face while being like “its not that I’m angry with you, I’m just disappointed” and look this is the part where your eyes are gonna wanna just glaze over so your brain can have a break, shhh, shh, don’t ask questions, just let it be, it happened, its a thing.

We’re talking about a guy whose brother rode a merry-go-round of “Am I a good guy this week or am I a bad guy because Reasons or sometimes Brainwashing or sometimes I Don’t Even Fucking Know, Look Don’t @ Me Bro, I Just Fucking Work Here, I’m Not In The Loop” for most of his twenties until dying in a fiery explosion only to inexplicably return years later as a coma patient who finally woke up one day and said “Whoa, just got back from tripping around the multiverse and boy do I have stories cuz apparently I’m the Nexus of All Realities, so hah, SUCK IT, big brother, and yes that is TOO a thing, shut up, LET ME HAVE THIS. Oh and also btw don’t spend a lot on your wedding gift for me and Lorna because I’m gonna leave her at the altar once I realize that I’m actually more in love with the random nurse lady who changed my bed pans while I was in a coma having a romantic rendezvouz with her in Paris in my brain courtesy of her psychic eight-year old kid trying to play matchmaker for her cuz like, she doesn’t date much apparently but its whatever, this is FINE, I have no objections. Ugh why are you looking at me like that Scott, no, I don’t need to “talk” with someone about everything I’ve ‘been through,’ ugh I’m HAPPY you asshole, god, why don’t you ever want me to just be HAPPY ugh you just have to control EVERYTHING with your over-bearing BS like “I am concerned your decision-making processes might be affected by all the people tampering with your decision-making processes over the years” like umm DID I ASK? No? I didn’t think so? YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD, SCOTT, UGH THAT DOES IT, IM RUNNING AWAY TO BE A SUPERVILLAIN AGAIN AND THIS TIME ITS TOTALLY YOUR FAULT, YOU’LL BE SORRY WHEN I CRY HAVOK AND LET LOOSE THE DOGS OF WAR THIS TIME FOR SURE, AND OMG FOR THE LAST TIME I KNOOOOOOW THAT’S NOT HOW ITS SPELLED, ITS ABOUT THE AESTHETIC SCOTT, ITS CALLED HAVING A SENSE OF STYLE, UGH, LET ME LIIIIIIIIIIIVE.”

We’re talking about a guy whose other little brother randomly showed up and started killing people one day being like “hahaha surprise, bet you all forgot about me, PS, I’m REALLY FUCKING MAD AT YOU ALL FOR FORGETTING ABOUT ME” because the world’s most powerful telepath made everyone forget about him and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day they all had once and this is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, this is normal. As is the way his newly discovered slash remembered slash resurrected slash recently returned from spending the last decade fucking around as a disembodied energy ghost on a rock up in Earth’s orbit little brother then decided the Earth just wasn’t big enough for the both of them, the both of them in this case meaning both him, singular, and his Angst, as a wholly separate and towering entity in its own right. So instead he fucked off to space and decided to conquer a vast alien empire and spend the next several years being their god-emperor or whatever until he got bored with that. And also he kinda sorta killed their dad for a bit but whatever, its fine, he got better, and then he also kinda sorta died for a bit himself but whatever, its fine, he got better, and there was that whole interstellar war between himself and the Inhumans but whatever that wasn’t even his FAULT, Scott, THEY STARTED IT, god, do you ever stop JUDGING ME AND MY LIFE CHOICES and PS I’m still mad at you for killing Xavier, you fucking asshole, not because you did it but because like, you KNOW I wanted to do it, I had a whole fucking villain monologue moment about it and everything, you were literally there, UGH WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HAVE NICE THINGS?!?! YOU ARE THE ENEMY OF FUN AND JOY AND HEY MAYBE YOU WERE THE REAL VILLAIN ALL ALONG, DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT? HUH? MR. I’M THE BOSS, WAIT WHO’S THE BOSS? OH YEAH STILL ME, SCOTT, I’M THE BOSS, YOU GOTTA STOP BEING A SPACE EMPEROR GABE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T BE THE BOSS, ONLY I AM ALLOWED TO BE THE BOSS BECAUSE I’M THE BOSS AND I SAID SO AND YOU GOTTA DO WHAT I SAY OR I’LL TELL DAD.”

And that’s not even getting into how we’re also talking about a guy who basically ended up divorcing his first wife and suing for sole custody on the grounds of “Well, your Honor, she tried to sacrifice our son on a literal demonic altar in order to summon Hell to Earth to destroy everything just to get back at me after I left her. Yes, your Honor, I understand that is in fact Asshole Behavior, but there were extenuating circumtances, you see, the woman I left her for was my first love before her who I thought was dead. And also, she was literally my wife before my wife was. No, I don’t mean I was married before Maddie, I mean Jean was kinda pretty much already Maddie before Maddie was Maddie. Its this whole clone thing. Look, I’m just saying it was a complicated situation and I know I have my part to play in it, but I still stand by my conviction that trying to sell out our entire planet and species to the legions of Hell while using the innocent blood of our ten month old as the Golden Ticket to the Chocolate Factory was still a little over the top and not really the right way to handle it either. Also, I contend that I can provide a better home environment at the moment than someone who is insisting on being addressed as The Goblin Queen because what even is that, honestly, Your Honor, and also, she also brainwashed my brother into trying to kill me on her behalf, which to be fair does happen about every other month anyway, but still, like. Dick move, you know?”

And we’re also talking about a guy whose second wife who was kinda sorta his first wife but only in that It Ain’t Bigamy If Its A Clone Thing way....like, I mean. Its kinda hard NOT to come across as the bland one in the relationship when your second wife occasionally moonlights as the AirBnb of choice for a cosmic parakeet goddess of rebirth and fiery destruction who is pretty infamous for the ragers she hosts every time she pops into town for a visit, all smiles and (literal) sunbeams (of scorching lethality) and “Lol hey hot stuff, remember me?” As if someone who ate an alien civilization’s sun the last time she hit a Mood is like....really in danger of ever being “New phone, who dis?”ed. But that is neither here nor there, much like the sentients of Alpha Centauri Bumfuckville after she went all Goodnight Sun, Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Solar System on their corner of the galactic neighborhood, because.....tbh I don’t think she ever actually said “why” there. Its one of those things where if you don’t already KNOW why a cosmic parakeet goddess of rebirth and fiery destruction has decided its nighty-night time for this particular zipcode.....like.....that’s not really something you just ASK, y’know? Its....tacky, probably. Also, low on the self-preservation instincts, probably.

Plus we’re talking about a guy whose second marriage to Yet Another Woman It Probably Should Have Registered As A Bad Idea To PIss Off Like This ended in like....so, okay, this was a bit more His Bad than even Round One was, courtesy of a “Groundbreaking. Revolutionary. Show-stopping” reinterpretation of what was up until this point te much more ambiguous and metaphorically named “Mental Affair” concept. Though it must be said, Scotty always has skewed a bit more towards the literal minded in his personal approach to things, so, y’know. That tracks. But regardless, the pattern remains consistent here, as once again, its not always easy to register on peoples’ radar as anything other than the Plus One when your newest paramour prides herself on being both the entire planning committee AND star attraction of Victoria’s Secret (assuming that said Secret is Secret Aims at World Domination) Presents: A Renaissance Faire. But in an evil and also kinky way. Except now with sixty percent less evil on account of how Emma’s reformed these days, but not a hundred percent less evil because she’s not like, REFORMED reformed, cuz that would be boring, eww, could you imagine, no, you couldn’t, because she won’t let you and she can do that, she’s that good at telepathy and that bad at boundaries. Still the same amount of kinky as before though, but like. That’s just about Strong Branding. After all, at the end of the day Emma Frost is above all else, a good businesswoman.

But yes, she is also a big fan of the Aesthetic, with that aesthetic being Her Whims On Steroids because like they say, go big or go home, and Emma Frost does not believe in going home when she can simply acquire your home instead. Hate the game, not the player. She didn’t make the rules, she just came to win. Point being, its hard to follow up an act like Jean-Who-Is-Sometimes-Phoenix-And-Sometimes-Dark-Phoenix-And-Oh-Hell-She-Cant-Even-Keep-Track-So-How-Could-Anyone-Else-Really, but say what you will about Emma’s wardrobe, she’s more concerned with clothing herself in unapologetic take no prisoners ambition, and as such, her being the follow-up to Scott’s epic romance with his childhood sweetheart turned literal cosmic embodiment of fire and passion, like.....this was never a big checkmark in the con side of a pro and con list for Emma. It was more like oh, yes, hello there, Challenge Absolutely Fucking Accepted.

Which, y’know, all the points to House Frost for showing spine and boy howdy, that’s a spine alright.....but at the same time, going head to head with someone who is classified as a galactic threat when people are deliberately low-balling her, like, for no other reason than you’re bored and your manicure appointment isn’t for another couple hours.....like that’s the kind of thing where it has to be pointed out that there were possibly alternative options worth considering somewhere in between ‘having no spine’ and ‘spiting cosmic entity who can kill you with her brain by stealing her man and saying come at me bro because like....my spine, let me show you it.”

But again, just to reiterate the premise here.....our thesis here today is that Scott Summers Gets a Bad Rap For Being Bland or Boring or Not Standing Out, But In Reality The Issue Is Just That All The People He Knows Are Truly Ridiculous People.

In other words, Scott Summers is no more the Everyman of the X-Men than any of his Truly Ridiculous Friends and Family.

Because an actual everyman would have bounced out of that madhouse way the fuck back in Chapter One: In Which Things Just Got Ridiculous.

Cut to Scott Summers, in contrast: *looks around, purses lips, weighs options* Nah. This is fine.

See also:

His daughter, who didn’t so much arrive after the traditional nine months of waiting and preparing for a bundle of bouncing baby joy but instead just like...plopped back into the past as a full grown woman hailing from a dystopian future she was hellbent on preventing by any means necessary, even if that means had Scott frantically shouting RACHEL NO as she screamed RACHEL YES and sprinted straight at someone like Selene (a villain who has survived 17,000 years of pissing people off and making enemies of actual, literal gods) while thinking “oh yeah, I got this.”

(To be fair, she probably DID have it, or would have, if Logan hadn’t chosen that moment of all moments to have his once-centennial contemplation of “Wait, what if....murder is...NOT good?” Never underestimate the daughter of a cosmic goddess.)

Or see also also:

Scott’s original classmates, including Doctor Hank “I’m not an over-archiever, I’m just stress-eating because its lunchtime and I’ve only revolutionized two whole fields of scientific study so far today,” McCoy, Warren “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because I’m a billionaire, wait no, I’m just kidding don’t hate me at all hahaha I’m too sexy” Worthington III, and Bobby “I may look cute and unassuming and like my only priority in life is video games but sike, I too am a potentially cosmic level immortal being of nigh-unlimited power or at least I will be whenever I get around to tapping that potential like I’m currently tapping xy up down A + BBA like a boss, now shhh, don’t interrupt me while I’m kicking ass at Mario Kart I said I’ll GET TO THAT LATER, ugh, JEEZ, my priorities are FINE, Scott, like get off my back already, you’re not even my real dad” Drake.

In conclusion:

Scott Summers is valid, and there may be legions drinking his Hatorade, but make no mistake, its not that he’s Less Than, its that every single person in his social circle is just that damn Extra.

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thehoneyedhufflepuff · 5 years ago

Note

Kiss prompt #12, but make it fashion

For you, my friend (Baz is wearing jeans; did I make it fashion? lol). Set on a California beach since I've got Wayward Son on the brain...

💜💜💜

Read here or on AO3

prompt: Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss

(rated M, btw)

SIMON

I don’t mind snogging in front of Penny—I don’t even mind snogging in front of Agatha—but also we can’t really snog with our friends around.

Probably that’s a good thing, because every little chance I get to be alone with Baz feels like we’re on the cusp of something. It scares me, if I’m honest, but it lights something up inside me, too. Something I’ve not really felt since…before.

Before I lost my magic.

And, well. It’s stronger than that, too. Stronger and bigger than anything I’ve ever felt, and sometimes I feel like it’ll swallow me whole.

Sometimes I want to let it. Sometimes I just want to let go. To give in.

Like now.

Seeing the way the fire glows on Baz’s pale skin is…something else. Something else and something familiar. It reminds me of another fire, of just the two of us, alone in his bedroom, trying to catch our breath.

I didn’t want to let go of him long enough to catch our breath.

I barely did.

I think about those nights in Hampshire a lot, about Baz beneath me in front of his fireplace, and the way his breath would hitch when I kissed him on his neck and collar. The way it surprised me, when he did the same to me, because I’d never been kissed there before, and his mouth was cold, and it felt so good.

I want to kiss him now. I’m not even sure what’s going on; I can hear Penelope and Agatha talking, but I stopped listening a while ago.

Baz’s hand is set on the blanket between us, and the fire is so bright, and the sounds of the ocean are soothing. Calm.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this good. Alive.

I set my hand on top of Baz’s and squeeze.

I just want to tell him what I want. Probably that’d be weird in front of the girls.

“We’re going for a walk,” I say.

Baz raises an eyebrow at me.

“Oh?” Penelope says. The fire’s glinting off her glasses, but I can picture the look she’s giving me anyway.

“We’ll be here, then,” Agatha says, and I think how good it’s been, to see her. I almost laugh when I remember how I used to think Baz wanted her. I’m still glad he didn’t; it’s just, I didn’t realize it was me he wanted instead. (I’d say I should’ve known, that it should’ve been obvious, but also Baz’s methods of flirting aren’t exactly the clearest. Setting a chimera on me. Punching me down the stairs. How was I supposed to realize?)

We get up. Baz is graceful about it, the wanker. I’m not. One of my legs is asleep, and I nearly topple over. Everyone laughs at me. (Even I laugh at me.)

Then I take Baz’s hand, and we start walking down the beach. I think I startle him when I snake my invisible tail around his waist, but I think he likes it, anyway. (I like watching him jump, in any case.)

“Are we really out for a moonlight stroll along the beach, Snow, or were you planning to ravish me behind a lifeguard stand?”

“Hm. Might do.”

“You’ve not answered my question, you dolt.”

“S’pose not,” I say. (Truth be told, I am keeping an eye out for one of those lifeguard things. Not that there’s many people out here right now, but something about sneaking Baz around one of those and pinning him against the planks sends a right thrill down my spine.)

We keep walking, and my heart keeps tripping over itself. I’m just so happy. I’d almost forgotten what that feels like.

Then I spot one—one of those lifeguard stand things—and I can feel myself grinning. (I don’t think I’ve stopped grinning since we started walking.) “C’mere,” I whisper, and I tug at Baz’s hand (“Crowley, Snow”) until we’re properly behind it. Well, not properly, really; there is no behind, but it’s between us and Penny and Agatha, anyway, and it feels private, somehow. Like we’re shut away in our own little corner of the beach. Just me and Baz, alone under the stars with sand beneath our feet. We’re five thousand miles from home, and yet home’s right here.

Baz is giving me that look, like he wants to attack me. Or maybe like he wants me to attack him.

“Bloody finally,” I say, and then I crowd into his space and press him back, back, back until his body thumps gently against the wood. And then I’m reaching up for his mouth. Kissing him. (I’m just now realizing that this is on my list of things I want to do to Baz, having a snog on the beach. Pressing into him until he’s got nowhere else to go. Heating up his body with mine. Heating up his body…)

He’s heating up my body, there’s no denying it. And I don’t want to. (Deny it, I mean.) I’ve got sparks going off from the inside.

It almost feels like I’ve got magic again. A different sort, I guess, but still magic.

I wonder if we should sit down, but probably Baz won’t want to get sand in his trousers, the toff. Also I think he likes kissing me like this, while he gets to lord his height over me. (I won’t tell him that I like it, too. I can’t give him the satisfaction.)

I’ve got one hand pressing against his waist, and I push the other up into his hair as I open my mouth against his. He opens his mouth, too, and then my tongue’s sliding against his as his hair slides through my fingers. I let it fall, and then I bring my hand around to cradle the back of his head. My fingers push into his hair again, at the nape of his neck this time. I like it, and I think he does, too, because he sighs into my mouth when my nails brush against his scalp.

I just want to be closer. I want him closer.

Baz's long hands are resting just above my arse on either side of my tail, but he's pressing into me, pushing me closer, and I…

I…

Baz whimpers against my lips, and I pull back with a gasp.

"You okay?" I say. (I don't know why I say it.) I'm out of breath, and I'm still pressed against him, and my tail's wrapped around one of his calves, and...

"What," Baz says, and I feel his fingers loosen in the fabric of my trackies.

"Dunno." There's heat rising in my cheeks, and it only gets worse when I remember that Baz can see in the dark.

"Right," he says, and his hands start to drop.

"No, don't. I didn't mean. Um. Fucking hell."

Baz's hands are still against my hips, and I know he can feel me. It's not like my trackies are leaving much to the imagination. And, well. I can feel him, too, beneath the placket of his jeans, and if I did still have magic I think I'd probably go off right fucking now.

I can feel my heartbeat everywhere, loud and fast and hard and fuck.

I don’t know what to say.

So I kiss him again instead.

I kiss him, and kiss him, and kiss him, and everything is fire—my mouth and my heart and low in my belly, between my legs. I’m moaning into the wetness of his mouth, and he’s moaning back at me, soft noises vibrating against my tongue. I untangle my fingers from his hair and press my hand into the swell of his arse instead, press him towards me, and he practically melts.

I want him, I realize. And I think…I think he wants me, too.

I’ve no idea how to do this, any of it.

Kissing’s one thing—I’m good at that—but what about the rest? I’ve never done…anything. But it’s not like Baz has either, and…

I want to do this with him. All of it. The rest.

Baz’s grip on my hips tightens and he breaks the kiss this time. He huffs a laugh when I try to chase his lips with mine, because I’m not done. I’m not ready to let go.

“We shouldn’t here, Snow,” he says. His voice is quiet, and low, and Merlin.

I think about walking back to the fire and Penny and Agatha looking like this. Christ, how embarrassing would that be?

“Yeah,” I breathe, swallowing. (My voice is low, too.) “Yeah, alright. You’re right.”

“Hm. Say that again?”

“Wanker,” I sigh, and then I drop my head against his shoulder. “Fuck.”

I let my hands slide down to his hips and I just hold onto him. (I have to.) Baz’s arms are looped lazily around my waist, and my tail’s come undone from his leg. We’re silent, for the most part. For a few moments it’s just the ocean and my tail swishing and the sound of our breath softening. And, well. Other bits.

“You know, I didn’t realize you’d take me so seriously, when I asked if you were going to ravish me behind a lifeguard stand.”

“Fuck you.”

“Articulate as always.”

I wonder what’ll happen, when we get back to our hotel room.

Can’t think about that right now. Not if I want to calm down, at least.

Baz nudges the side of my face with his. “Ready to head back, Snow?”

“Just. Just a few minutes.” I don’t think he’s going to argue with me, for once, especially when I bring one hand up to his belly and start to rub. (I think I hear him swallow.) I think about hitching up his shirt, about stroking the skin underneath. I can’t, not now. But later…

Fuck, this feeling. There’s so much swirling around inside me, and there’s something, something, trying to burst out of me. And—

Oh.

“Baz.” I lift my head from his shoulder, and still my hand against his stomach. It’s dark out, but I can still see the grey of his eyes. His pupils are blown wide, and he’s trying to look sure of himself even as he raises that bloody eyebrow at me.

I’m just staring at him.

“Something to say—?”

“I love you.”

His eyebrow drops, and the first thing I think is that I’ve said the wrong thing. Maybe I’ve read this wrong. And, well. I’ve been a pretty terrible boyfriend lately, all things considered – lying on the couch and staring off into space and not giving Baz much attention. I’m not a mage anymore. He told me he wouldn’t change his mind, all those months ago at his leavers ball, but maybe he will. Maybe he is—

“Simon.”

“Yeah.”

“Watching you think is honestly painful.”

“Oh, piss off!” I try to pull away from him, but he just tightens his arms around me and won’t let go. Bloody vampire strength. Or maybe he’s just stronger than me, full stop.

“Say it again,” he says.

“What?”

“Say it again.”

“I love you?”

“Preferably without the inflection.”

I growl at him. “Look, it’s fine if you don’t. Love me, I mean.” (It scares me, how not true that is.) “But you don’t have to be such—”

“I love you, too.”

“—a prat about it.” I look up to see Baz raising his eyebrow at me again, waiting. “What?”

“I love you, too, you absolute nightmare.”

Well. Now I feel like a prat. And also sort of like my heart’s about to explode. “Oh.”

Baz rolls his eyes. “Yes, oh.”

We’re pressed so close that I can feel his heart pounding in his chest. I set my hand over it and let it beat against my palm, and he lifts one hand and covers mine with his.

And then I’m grinning; I can’t help it. “I love you,” I say again. They’re the only magic words I can say anymore, and I think…

I think that’s okay.

Baz bends to let his forehead rest against mine. He says, “I love you,” into the small space between us. “I told you as much, at my leavers ball—”

“You did not.”

“As good as. But.” He breathes in deep and lets it out. “Well, I didn’t want to scare you away.”

“You wouldn’t’ve.”

He huffs a laugh. “Crowley, Snow…”

I let my hand slip down until I’m holding him around his waist. Then I nestle my face into the space between his neck and shoulder and breathe him in. He smells like the ocean, and the bonfire, and Baz, like cedar and bergamot and home.

“Let’s not go back just yet,” I whisper in his ear.

Baz shivers, even though he’s wearing a jumper and jeans and it’s not cold out, not really. His long fingers are pressing into my hips, and when I pull back to look at him, his eyes are like a storm.

“Not yet,” he agrees.

And then he kisses me.

💛💙

#snowbaz #carry on fanfiction #my fanfiction #snowbaz fanfiction #snowbaz smooch #prompts #kissy facing #ficlet #diclet?#diclet #honeyedhufflepuff mini fic #simon snow #baz pitch

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bloodlinevalentine · 5 years ago

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Helena (1)

Some nautical krii7y written for my personal aesthetic mostly that I thought I may just share with you guys. In fact, I was so hyped that I didn't even really proofread lol :)

[BTW, if you like my writing (by whatever miracle) you can expect an unholy amount of BBS and GBG Christmas stuff incoming in the next month and a half:]

Ice cold. That's what Smitty's mind screams the moment he regains consciousness.

He gasps twice very hard, once as his face is flooded with the feeling and taste of salty seawater, and again when he feels the overwhelming pain in his chest. His eyes take a moment to adjust to the stinging and darkness, blinking chunks of mucus and foggy tears away, before they allow him to see the ship around him.

He registers quickly that the wooden splinters in his back prodding at his skin are from the deck of the ship, which is not even his ship he notices, and twists into a sitting position. He is lying face up in a slight divot, the boards pushed in no doubt from the force of his body slamming into them, if the already deep-set pain in his bones was anything to go by. It was also likely what knocked him unconscious, he realizes absently.

With some difficulty, he manages to completely pull himself from the creaky floorboards, but not without jostling a bloody gash in his arm. He pauses and tries to assess it, but it's more or less out of his field of vision, the only evidence of it being the spotty drops of blood staining the light wood red, just now beginning to ebb away. How long had he been out cold?

He shakes his curiosity away and stands, finding a much better vantage position on his feet. Right now, what he needs to focus on is strictly getting back to his ship and helping his crew with the recovery. He couldn't remember much, but he could at least gather that this fight must have been a nasty one. They were probably strung somewhere worried and furious at his disappearance. He needed a compass, but right now he would have to make do with using the north star.

Above him, the sky is a mess of puffy clouds, dim yet plentiful stars, and their weak light competing with the reflective moon. He catches himself staring for a moment, and realizes that the lights were slowly getting further and further away: he had to be falling very slowly.

He runs over to the rails and looks over to discover that yes, the ship is sinking, and the nearest island is too far to simply swim to if he wants to live. He plops down right where he's standing, panting in a panicked sweat. This was how it would end for him, lost aboard an enemy ship with an island just close enough to be a blue blur off to the distance and nothing more. His heart hammers inside his chest so hard he thinks he might be able to hear it.

Suddenly, a harsh wave strikes the ship, almost knocking him overboard as it forces it into a near-horizontal tilt. His fingernails split and his knuckles go white as he grips the rail for his life, fear lacing his blood like oxygen. The severity of the wound in his arm is still unidentified and screams sonic protests that he is forced to ignore. There must be a whirlpool just off the distance, spinning and sucking water into it and causing some sort of backlash pulling system, his brain supplies weakly, but it does little to quell his rising panic. He forces himself to catch his breath as the ship is uprighted and left to rock in place. He needs a plan and he needs it fast.

Smitty looks over at the island again, really eyeing the distance and chewing his lip in thought. Brown eyes flicker back between the railing and the dense line of trees, counting paces, praying to deities he hasn’t thought of since childhood. After a moment, he decides that if there is anything he needs to do, it's try. It seems like the only chance he has at surviving right now, but even the thought makes him swallow thickly.

Well, the very least he should do before he goes is to search the ship.

He dashes over to a ladder and hatch near the wheel, but pauses short on the steps. The second floor had long since begun to take on water, and now was over halfway full, still rising. The only things still visible were the barrels that this crew had used to likely store food, and a chest full to the brim with riches. He toys with the idea of wading through the water, but ultimately shrugs and settles for a bag hanging haphazardly from one of the ceiling beams. A quick rummage inside shows a few gold coins and a beaded necklace, but nothing overly personal. Perfect.

Next, Smitty makes to run into the navigation port and pick up something like a compass and a map, but he quickly realizes that those are useless after they’ve been wet, and there are no small rowboats in his vicinity. They would be ruined after the swim.

And that’s where his mind is when he sees the man.

It’s not until he turns back to cut his losses and head down the ladder that he spots another figure, slumped in half on one of the planks leading up over the edge of the ship. He can’t see much from this angle, but the body spasms and twitches with life even though it appears so dead.

Carefully, he approaches and watches for any sudden movements, but the person, distinctly male he can see as he nears, is completely unconscious. He can’t help but feel a tug on his heartstrings.

Smitty winces, but drops his bag and reaches down, dragging thin arms around his shoulders to hoist the body up onboard, but stops short. God, the guy is heavy.

It’s odd, considering how normally sized the person seems, but he just shakes his head, squints down at the rising water levels, and pulls with all of his available strength. The body follows, and he gets the wind knocked out of him under the force with which it comes crashing onto his chest. He lies there for a moment, panting and staring up at the sky again before he rolls himself free, only to gasp at the creature lying next to him.

The upper half was just as he had become well acquainted with, curly brown hair and oddly bare chest aside, the figure looked strikingly human. But the bottom half consisted of a long, thick, and shimmering tail where legs should have been. What he had thought before was a man had turned out to be a merman!

It's a slight wrestle between Smitty’s self-preservation instincts and his inner curiosity, but in the end, he knows that he cannot bring himself to leave the being there to die, no matter the species

He finds himself chewing his lip again, but there is really nothing he can do in such little time, but jump and hope for the best. Unceremoniously, he leans over and angles the torso to rest over his shoulders and around his neck, perhaps his best option for transporting it. Then, he pulls the string within his bag and secures it to the threadbare loops in his pants so that it safe while he swims. With that done to the best of his bloody and shaky ability, there is only one thing left to do.

Smitty feels the wooden planks with an awakened sort of clarity as he climbs off the edge of the hull. The soggy rope, frayed and waterlogged, threatens to tear under his weight as he rocks with the waves. His eyes bounce between the restless ocean and still unconscious face next to his as his nerves spike again. He feels another deathly tilt, and this time the boat really does tip so far that there's no going back: it's going to capsize for sure. It takes more strength than he sure he has in all of his body to gather his faith in himself. The deep breath is not nerve-steeling enough to reassure him, but he leaps off the ladder and plunging into the water anyway, the lifeless figure gracelessly falling from its perch around his neck and following him down, the rope tethering him to the bag dancing wildly in the air.

He begins sinking the moment he hits, the sudden temperature change being the first to register on his skin. It is surprisingly therapeutic, even as it breaks him out in gooseflesh and instates the urge to shiver himself right off of his bones. The salt burns across the deep wound in his arm, pulling a hiss from his parted lips, but the sound is swallowed up by the bubbles in the ocean. He pries his eyes open and heads to break the surface, but just as he gasps, he feels an agonizing impact from above. Through the fireworks exploding throughout his vision, Smitty sees the distorted image of the prone figure come crashing down onto him before the world goes black.

Overhead, a flock of birds split apart from their formation and slowly drift until they're all going their own directions.

🕸 🕸 🕸 🕸 🕸 🕸 🕸

The ship was going down very quickly now, taking his last hope of survival with it. If anything, he was lucky to be alive after that encounter but was doomed because of it, and maybe he had done more bad than good "rescuing" this man. If he perhaps had more time to salvage what he could maybe gather some food, he may have had a better chance. The real question was how quickly would he this end for them.

John feels every muscle in his body screech for relief, but he forces himself to keep going. The wind is foreign on his soft skin, and his very bones seem to creak under the weight they are forced to support, bent akimbo to hold the body over the water.

However, he ignores the pleading and continues above the surface. The pirate is limp and heavy in his arms, even heavier when his muscles are so weak, but he knows that the creature is a human, and too much water inside them kills. His lips fall open idly and he squints to see the hazy alcove before him. Hope rises in his chest the closer they manage to drift towards it, but they're still too far to make it before he succumbs to fatigue.

With wobbly arms and a slight prayer to whatever would listen, John straightens his arms into the air and sinks below the surface, hoping the angle is enough to keep the human’s head out of the water. Immediate relief bustles through his system as he gasps heavily. His muscles thank him as the water eases the load, but he knows he can't stay like this. Nothing above the water is visible, and he can't navigate around the pesky schools when it's so dark. The air bites harshly at his fingertips, which have long since lost sensation aside from the fiery heat of the pirate's rough, dirty flesh. He takes a few more labored breaths before his arms threaten to buckle and he's stuck breaking out above the waves.

John doesn't know for sure how long he does it, or how he does it at all, but eventually, he's flapping his tail in short, sharp movements to carefully maneuver through the entrance to the cove. Dragging the lifeless body felt lighter than the bag locked between his teeth with all the euphoria thrumming through his blood. He felt like he was on fire, and he didn't need to touch the clammy skin of his comrade to know he was probably stone cold. In a sweep of pride and pure unadulterated joy, he swings the body past his own and onto the black sand. His shiny green eyes roll back as he sinks into the water to just stop and breathe. He'd saved the human!

He rises up to look at the figure, triumphant grin still locked in place, but the person is still and lifeless in the sand. Fear traces John's features, and he pulls himself up onto the shore to get a better look. He runs a hand across the face and presses his head to the cloth clad shirt, but the human is indeed breathing, if shallowly and in small pants.

That alone makes him feels grateful, but the thought doesn't last. The human is cold, injured, and perhaps even starving. He’ll need a fire if he doesn't want to freeze to death, and desperately needs something to cover that vicious cut for the night. The only thing the human has to protect himself is a short, dull dagger, chipped and dirty from what must have been years of use. John's teeth clench; it seemed like just when he thought he was out of hell another gate opened up. In a somewhat childish fit of rage, he curls his still hot fingers into a fist and slams it onto the human, hoping to will him awake.

And, it works. Sort of.

Water spouts out of the pirate's mouth like a geyser and his brain snaps into consciousness. John watches in slight fear as the human coughs and sputters more and more murky water filled with mucus and other fluid slime, dragging himself onto his side. It seems to help, as the human's fit comes to an end and his eyes finally fall open.

🕸 🕸 🕸 🕸 🕸 🕸 🕸

Smitty flops bonelessly onto his back and stares wide-eyed and shocked at what must be the roof of a cave. His chest burns just like his skin in that way that suggests it's from extreme cold, and a subconscious groan escapes his lips. He takes a moment to just breathe and feel his heartbeat hammer away at his chest. A shaky hand raises to wipe the salt caking the area around his eyes push his hair out of his face. Well, it looked like he’d survived anyway.

A shuffling off to his side brings him to the present, and a quick glance over makes him do a double-take. Laying next to him in the dark sand is the gorgeous merman, sprawled out with arms protectively curled around Smitty's own form.

"You're a mermaid." He says, voice hoarse and scratchy, and it sends him into another coughing fit. The merman pulls himself away from his prone figure but holds a hand out to help steady him, even after Smitty's natural flinch in response. He allows himself to be dragged into a proper sitting position, which also gives him the ability to properly breathe.

The creature watches him take a few breaths before deeming him not on the verge of death and nods hesitantly. A closer look reveals familiar wisps of brown hair and moonlight pale skin. It was indeed the merman he'd dragged off the enemy's ship before he blacked out.

"You saved me?" He asks, but it sounds less like a question and more like a comment. The merman's eyebrows draw together at the words, and he shakes his head.

"I was only returning the favor. It was you who saved me first." He says quietly, but his voice reverberates heavily through the empty cove, although it is just as scratchy as Smitty's.

"Well thank you anyway." He concedes, clearing his throat and running a hand through his knotted hair, but the merman only shakes his head back.

"You don't need to thank me.” He says, voice much clearer now, as he re-positions himself into a crawl. Smitty watches delicate hands find purchase in the dark sand and begin dragging his ill-suited body back into the pool. “What you need is to get out of those wet clothes and get a fire started."

"You're right," Smitty says and winces into a stand. He makes it a good twenty seconds of attempting to shuck off his lone boot, having long since lost the other one in his impromptu trip, but finds that he’s not quite ready to be entirely upright just yet. He sits back down and his head thanks him as he slips his jacket over his shoulders and pulls his shoe off. His ripped brown shirt is next, but he hesitates with pants.

When he realizes why the human is staring at him so expectantly, the merman feels the strong desire to roll his eyes.

"Alright. While you do your thing, I'm gonna go find us something to eat." He sighs, face darkening slightly as he speaks. He opens his mouth as though to add something else, but gives up and turns to dive into the shallow pool.

"Wait!" Smitty calls, and he pauses for a moment, confusion crossing his subtle features as he twists back to face the human. Smitty crouches into a seat at one of the higher edges of the shoreline.

"What's your name?" He asks softly, now that they were so close. The merman stares up at him for a moment in consideration before seeming to mentally shrug and cock a brow.

"You can call me John."

Smitty nods lightly and brings a calloused, bruised hand to grip at the cold stone. "Well John, I'm Smitty," he conjures up what he hopes is a charming smile, "And I really do mean it when I say thank you."

John's eyes widen ever so slightly and fierce violet rises into his cheeks. He nods once before finally sinking into the water and taking his leave. Smitty watches him swim away until there is no trace of him in the cave, before he finally allows himself to attend to the agony of his cut.

All that aside, however, he can’t seem to wipe the grin off his face. He’d met a real mermaid today.

#krii7y #SMii7Y #KryozGaming #mermaids #pirates #stress relief #i am actually pretty happy with this one #and other fun stories to tell yourself #blood on paper

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soryualeksi · 5 years ago

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So in case anyone wants to have an update on the daycare lady situation.

Hubby was invited for a serious talk with her yesterday. I declined to attend because I was taking care of kiddo at home and I promised him he would never have to see this person ever again.

Basically she listed all of my son's transgressions, which amounted to... crying. Also sometimes being stubborn amd having toddler tantrums.

When she was done listing all of these and her respective reactions, hubby calmly reiterated everything and then said "So I am correct to assume you've been thinking of him as a nuisance and a disturbance the entire time and treated him such? "

At which she was shocked and he could see the gears in her head turn and she was like "huh".

Too little. Too late.

She's also been outright LYING to us. Like, not lying by omission. Outright. Direct. Purposeful. Lying.

I don't know what you know about kids starting daycare, but basically there is a period of slowly introducing them and settling them into their new routines and the group and the situation that their parents aren't with them.

Where I'm from, that introductory period is expected to be roughly 8 weeks, give or take. That's what the paedagogical framework people are supposed to work with here states.

We know that now.

So what the daycare lady did was take on 4 new children at the same time, spread over about 4 weeks. She got impatient and pushy when my kid (or any of the other kids for that matter) couldn't stay alone with her all day and go through all the new routines by the end of the first week. However, at around 4 weeks, she confidently proclaimed that my son had now fully settled into spending his days at her place. Successfully integrated, everything going smoothly. Apart from that he has "tantrums" when "things don't go his way", but oh, that's just toddlers for you amirite? (Also he was too much of my little prince, so OF COURSE more rules would make him upset, right? Right?)

The truth was, and she admitted to this yesterday, that my son was NEVER integrated into the structure and had never settled. He spent each and every day desperately crying for us for long periods of time, again and again.

She deliberately kept this from us.

For the past weeks, I would bring my only son and the only person who, in the grand scheme of things, ultimately matters in this entire goddamn universe as far as I am concerned, to a place where he'd be left abandoned to cry for his parents. For hours. Without support.

I can't even fathom how evil that is and I don't care how totally sorry that person now is and how she didn't mean to and how she never realized blahblahblah...

She can burn in hell for all I care.

Also she picked my son in particular as the "not like the other kids" "difficult" "weird" child, because... because while all 4 of the new kids were always crying, 3 did so in silence and my son did so in an audible way.

So she got convinced that he was trying to lead a rebellion against her, on purpose and consciously, and to stir the other children up.

He's... still not even 2. I don't know how often I have to make this clear, but. He's not even 2. He'll still believe you've actually taken his nose. He's. Not. 2. He can't find his way out of his own shirt, he's NOT making elaborate plans for the toddler revolution.

This evil lady.

She finally admitted that she had overburdened herself with 4 completely new children at once and somehow put the blame for that on my son, but... I don't give a fuck what she admits. I don't care. She can choke on the next piece of bread that she eats for all I care.

The damage is done.

Today, we visited another daycare (because hello, I need to return to the workforce) and my usually so social, easily excitable, curious toddler just CLUNG to me, fingers clawed into my shirt, and tears were streaming down his face.

He was so afraid we would abandon him there AGAIN and he would have to suffer alone until maybe we came back for him AGAIN.

I feel so awful. I haven't fully grasped yet how much he must have suffered, how confused he must have been.

I only know how unbearably RELIEVED he was when I told him he'd never have to go there again, and how relieved he is whenever I remind him of that.

He hugged me and kissed me when I cried and apologized to him, too, but this makes me feel even worse because it's like I'm pushing him into the role of the caretaker now, too. He shouldn't have to comfort ME, I'M THE PARENT.

Basically all "behavioural issues" we've been having with him at home over the past two months, including periods of excessive stubbornness, more emotional "loops" he couldn't come out of and the complete refusal to use the potty as usual, vanished pretty much over night. I guess it's good because it makes us all more relaxed, but it's just another piece of evidence to remind me that I completely failed him ever since I first closed the door between us there.

It's awful.

Oh, but (almost) lastly... Speaking of "behavioural issues". Remember the "changes in behaviour" in the other kids some parents reported and that the daycare person blamed on my evil, out-of-control son?

Yeah... Those kids didn't want to go to the daycare, either. They cried when they had to. That was the "changes in behaviour". They made it clear they didn't like the place, either, and what could there possibly be not to like about it other than... an evil rebel kid ALSO crying for his parents all day. That must be the reason. Completely logical conclusion. It was my toddler's twisted plan all along.

... I'm so done. I'm completely burned out. How did we get into this position. Aren't these people screened. Why didn't we see the red flags earlier. Why did we tell ourselves that all toddlers cry when you drop them off at daycare, this is normal, this must be normal, we can't be entitled helicopter parents, if only we work hard she'll be satisfied and also she said the kid likes it there and we just want what's best for him and...

It's so good things escalated now with her going completely NUCLEAR on me when I got a little upset about having to pick up my healthy kid for crying.

Btw, that situation? The one that escalated everything in the first place? It's also a real treat in professionalism. I'll share it as a last point because this is already a novel.

Basically. She had the newest kid of the 4 new kids over without his mum for the first time and that kid was crying so she actually held him. But my son was also crying in a corner. But since she already held one kid, OBVIOUSLY AND TOTALLY LOGICALLY, she was physically incapable to do ANYTHING, ANYTHING, to comfort a second crying kid, too.

Into this situation she brought another party, the parents of a kid she'd have wanted to fill in a soon-to-be-vacant spot. The parents looked at the scenario - crying toddlers everywhere, one of them going into complete meltdown BECAUSE HE'S AFRAID OF STRANGERS, and noped the fuck out of there.

Which is why she FLIPPED HER SHIT when I turned up slightly annoyed at the inconvenience, because HOW DARE I and THAT WASN'T ACTING IN GOOD FAITH.

So. Yeah. It's good that it escalated. It's horrible that it HAD to escalate.

We thought we were taking our kid to a place where he would be taken care of and after 6 weeks it turns out he's been neglected there, left to break down for himself all day long, and then even got blamed for his own misery.

I honestly don't know how to live with myself right now. I can never make up for this.

#long post #child abuse cw #child neglect cw #the daycare saga continues #parenting stuff #toddler stuff #i feel so awful

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ineffablefool · 5 years ago

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Some meditations on being a fat human being, in the era of Good Omens series fandom. Not n//sf/w, really (hi my name is Jack I’m ace and supremely uninterested in sexytimes), but really personal and also long, so I’ll stick it behind a readmore. I suppose if another fat human being had thoughts they wanted to tack on, they could reblog to do so, but I don’t expect this to be a particularly rebloggable thing. Just thinkin’ out loud (via clickety fingies).

I have been... okay, more or less, with how my body looks, for a while. (Minus all the things about it that make me get “she” and “her” and “ma’am” everywhere I go, with exactly three glorious exceptions in the ~4 years since I realized that those weren’t right. That is a whole ‘nother bucket of bears.) I’ve been on Tumblr over on my main account since 2013, and the entire time I’ve been immersing myself in fat positivity and in fat activism by wonderful accounts like ok2befat and bigfatscience and thisisthinprivilege. So I’ve been basically okay.

It sucks how hard it is to find clothing that I like which doesn’t completely exclude my particular set of proportions. It sucks that my saint of a boss had to literally fight our HR department to change the company policy on flights for business, because the previous policy would have forced me to fly 18 hours in an economy-class seat much smaller than I am when I visit India in a couple months. It sucks that my body is still the “oh, is this disgusting thing a dealbreaker for you” question on dating websites, and that it’s still the butt of every third Trump joke. It sucks. But I’ve gotten better over the years at the skill of seeing my body as not the problem, but an innocent bystander in everyone else’s bullshit. Clothing and plane seats and humor don’t spring from the earth to be harvested and consumed raw. People decide how to make them. People can decide differently.

Anyway. I’ve been pretty much okay with Body. Body’s fine. It’s a good pal. It gets me where I need to be, and it lets me run around in little circles pretending to be an airplane when I’m bored. I spend some time with it in partial states of undress now and then (I’m too much of a germaphobe to ever be a naturist, let’s put it that way), just so I can keep myself familiar with what it really looks like. Y’know how the horror movie monster is really scary up until they actually show it? Same thing, except fewer blood squibs.

But here’s all this Good Omens stuff.

A lot of the fandom has embraced the slight pudginess of Michael Sheen’s Aziraphale, and a lot of artists are putting that into their work. And a blessed wonderful few aren’t stopping there. They’re drawing Aziraphales that are more than just a tiny bit pudgy, sometimes that are just plain fat, unquestionably, not just “a little larger than the very thin rendition of Crowley” or “wearing a lot of layers” or “the clothes are just cut that way”. Really, really adorable renditions of fat angels who are clearly loveable and clearly loved because look, the artist drew them together, Crowley is right there and he doesn’t have that look on his face by accident.

(There are book renditions floating around too where people have headcanoned a fatter Aziraphale, but I’m still talking miniseries right now. Also, there are plenty of sort of... cartoony/stylized/silly renditions out there with fatter Aziraphales, but I’m not really talking about those either. There’s a sort of area of artwork where the style or the scene being depicted is such that my brain is surprised when any of the characters is fat, because this is a pretty drawing of two people kissing or whatever and therefore obviously they have to both be thin. Obviously. Internalized fatphobia nonsense. But that’s the kind of artwork I’m thinking when I type all these zillions of words.)

And that’s a choice, to say “I’m an artist and I’m going to draw this character who is worth being the recipient of a 6000-year-long love, and that character is fat, and that’s just how it is”. And to keep doing it in one piece of art after the other.

speremint was the first artist I noticed doing this, drawing an Aziraphale who is loved by Crowley (the sacred apple tree art still cracks me up, poor Crowley) and who is definitely fat and who is adorable, and if you’ve read the notes on any of my fics you know that she singlehandedly changed how I picture my headcanon’d Aziraphale. Then I discovered that dotstronaut and lonicera-caprifolium and toastedbuckwheat are out there too, giving me lovely art to shove into my eyeballs and extend my lifespan potentially indefinitely. I bet there’s more I haven’t noticed yet. I want there to be like a hundred more I haven’t noticed yet.

And this all ticks over into the second half of what’s apparently a manifesto at this point, boy it’s a good thing I’m a fast typist, which is the fact that in addition to being a fat human, I am also romantically and aesthetically attracted to fat humans. It’s something I’ve pretty much literally had no opportunity to ever express, because in my Real Life I don’t really admit to having feelings per se and also I am... not the type of human who is the recipient of romantic thoughts from others. Or who would ever act on my own unless the other party said something first. (Which nobody ever has since 2006, you guys. Supremely not the recipient of romance over here.)

So there’s this fandom environment where a fat character is being celebrated and loved, and I started writing fanfiction for the first time this century, and all of a sudden there’s a place for me to express feelings that I’ve been sitting on since I finally realized in about 2001 what it was about that one guy in high school that made me want to hug him, even though I also couldn’t stand his attitude.

Going through my fics from oldest to most recent, it is clear that I am getting more and more comfortable with that expression. It’s getting ridiculous. At this rate, in three weeks’ time I’m just going to be writing “Aziraphale is fat and beautiful and I just want to cuddle his belly forever” over and over again for five thousand words at a stretch.

But that means Brain is thinking a lot about how Aziraphale is fat, and beautiful, and perfect exactly how he is. And then Brain looks down at Body and is like “hmm. Same hat. ineffablefool is fat too. Therefore, [insert math lady meme here]”. And I will be, like, “okay, so if Crowley were to put his hand on Aziraphale’s belly, what would that feel or look like? How would his internal narration describe it? Well, there’s a belly right here, let’s do some science.” And then the thoughts that I start associating with the experience of my own body are completely good thoughts, all of them, because they’re going to be going in Crowley’s head. And my written Crowley is never going to be anything other than madly in asexual romantic love with my written Aziraphale, and is never going to see him as anything other than perfect, physically, no matter what he looks like.

And it’s just being a really good positive feedback mechanism, I guess is the tl;dr version. External validation (via art, via others’ fics, via comments on my own fics, btw if you’ve left any of those then you are also helping extend my lifespan, especially the people who come back to comment on each new story, yes I recognize you and I do a little happy dance every time a familiar name pops up, please rejoin me on Monday I’m going to post my dickwheelie letters fic) is all well and good. But the mental loop of “own body can be used for realistic descriptions of a fat body -> descriptions based on own body are all lovingly positive -> own body is therefore described by self as lovingly positive” is... it’s nice, is what I’m saying. It’s very nice. Last week I expressed, out loud in a group of coworkers, my desire that something be more size-inclusive. Do you even know how many deaths I would once have suffered rather than say something like that in mixed company. But why shouldn’t I say it! There’s nothing wrong with my being fat! In fact, it’s within the realm of possibility to see it as a positive thing, so let’s just all admit that we have eyes and then move on! Geez!

So those are some of my thoughts on being a fat human being, in the era of Good Omens series fandom.

now if I can just score a hot fat ace Ineffable Significant Other out of this fandom, I’ll be set

#ineffablefool original post #if you want to give me any bullshit on any of this then Please Don't #i am well acquainted with ignoring trolls on my non-GO account #and am equally capable of applying that skill over here #but if you don't have any bullshit or but-what-about-health or but-my-tax-dollars then i'd love to conversate #ineffablefool is on about fat bodies being lovely again #i don't know why i keep forgetting that tag it's a very important tag #ineffablefool does some Deep Thoughts

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friendlyphantom · 7 years ago

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SeptiScape Review

Last night I finally got around to playing Septiscape, which is a JSE fan game I heard about on GameJolt. I managed to finish the whole thing, and I would like to share my thoughts and feelings on the game. Since this review will be containing SPOILERS, the review proper will be under the page break. For those of you that have not played it and intend to, I suggest you do so now before you read my review. If you have already finished playing it, or are not interesting in playing it, feel free to read on.

First, let’s start off with the game’s premise. The story is that Jack’s egos live inside his mind, in a fictional world. Here, the characters have their own lives and personalities, but aren’t necessarily the same as they are presented in Jack’s videos. Anyways, Anti ends up turning evil after being given a special serum by Dr. Schneeplestein, and proceeds to corrupt the other egos, take over Jack’s body, and imprison Jack within his mind. Thankfully, Chase saves Jack and the two team up with the other egos to set things right.

The game deals with a lot of personal stuff, like self-doubt, insecurity, and so on. Needless to say, this isn’t a game for the lighthearted. That said, if you can deal with this kind of stuff, it is a pretty fun RPG. You get to play as Jack, Chase, Henrik, Jackieboy Man, and Marvin. They all get unique moves and classes – for example, Dr. Schneep serves as the team’s white mage, and can heal teammates as well as poison enemies.

Now to get into what I liked, what I didn’t like, and what was just baffled me.

What I liked: The game overall was pretty good! I love all the references to the video games Jack has played. I liked how Chad the Puppet appeared as the merchant, and how items like Banana Milk and Pineapple on Pizza appeared as consumables. It really showed how much attention the game’s developers put into making this game. The part with the “To Be continued” meme was hilarious, and I couldn’t help but laugh when it showed up.

I also liked that saving with Gerald allowed you to restore your MP and HP. It really came in handy when I was level grinding, not to mention the different flavour texts for Gerald were cute.

Overall, the music rocked. I especially liked the creepy music when we were in the Overwatch building, which is BTW, my fav level in the game.

The gameplay itself was awesome. I don’t have any complaints about the mechanics of the game. I thought they were easy to understand and use. The puzzles weren’t too hard. Overall, the game was fun to play.

What I didn’t like: TBH, I thought Jack’s characterization was a bit off in this game. In the game, Jack’s problem that he keeps trying to push the “evil” label onto Anti (despite the fact it was made clear he got corrupted) and keeps pushing his ideas of what the egos are like despite the fact it’s clear they are their own people in the mindscape. This part had me scratching my head here, because in one of Jack’s videos, he said that while he did have his own head cannons for each of the egos, he didn’t want to share too much, because he knew the fans each had their own interpretation of the characters and didn’t want to take that away from them. It just seemed not like him to act that way in the game. It might also have to do we the fact that I finished playing The Boss earlier this month, which I thought did a better job of getting Jack’s personality right.

Another thing I had issues with – after you defeat Angus you get a choice which either nets you the good ending or the bad ending. I admittedly got thrown for a loop here - because the wording in the game was vague, I ended up getting the bad ending at first, by mistake. I didn’t realize choosing the “Defend Yourself” option would get me the bad ending, since I thought Jack would just block Angus’ attack, not kill him. Maybe I was just being obtuse here, but I really would have appreciated it if the choices had been worded more clearly.

What confused me: So the big twist is that Anti actually used to be Angus before being forgotten by Jack, and turned into Anti and forgot his old identity or merged with Anti to save himself. I am not really sure which one. But there is also a good Anti and a bad Anti, which are the good and bad halves of Anti/Angus, which doesn’t clear things up. I might have to replay the end part again to clarify if they were always the same person or not.

The game also states the reason the plot all started was because Angus absorbed the “bad” part of Anti into him – so if he had absorbed the “good” half, would nothing had happened, or would the evil half go running amok in the mindscape causing havoc?

Also, the games states Angus “died” because Jack forgot about him, but seeing how there are still fans that still remember him, and make fan works out of him, shouldn’t that have been enough to save him? The game did state that egos needed to be remembered by the fans as well, so I thought that would have done something.

Also, how did Jack not recognize Robbie? He discussed Robbie at Pax once, when talking about how the fans made egos out of everything. Also, when you consider how popular Robbie is online, Jack not recognizing him really doesn’t make sense at all.

Overall, I would give the game 3.5 stars out of five. It was a good game, but like I said, there were things I thought needed improving. I am not sure if I will play the game again, but if I do, it will be awhile before I replay it. I do admit however, that when the sequel comes out, I do plan on playing it.

#septiscape #jse fan game #review #game review #jacksepticeye #spoilers #fan game

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witwerlove · 7 years ago

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#RememberingRebels

Since the Star Wars Rebels season finale is tonight and I’ve been feeling SUPER nostalgic all week, I figured I’d take a trip down memory lane and reminisce on Sam’s involvement in the show.

This is under a cut because it’s REALLY long and overly detailed. I might have gotten carried away. It includes a collection of my own personal thoughts, opinions, experiences, tweets, and anything else related to Sam and Rebels that seemed appropriate that happened over the past FOUR YEARS OF MY LIFE. It’s amazing how much happened. I didn’t do this for anyone but myself. It serves as a reminder and a look back at all the wonderful experiences I’ve had because of this show and my love for Sam.

Here come the feels.

AND I MEAN

ALL

THE.

FEELS.

First off, I LOVE Rebels. Not as much or as deep as I love Clone Wars, but it definitely has a place in my heart. Ever since TCW “ended” (without any real closure) and it was announced that the new animated series was called Star Wars Rebels, I’d been hoping that Sam would be cast in it in some way. I feel like that was just as important as it being Star Wars. By then he’d cemented his place in Star Wars and in Dave’s agenda, so I inevitably knew it was going to happen. But it really surprised me with what happened vs what I wanted to happen. Because I’m sure if I asked 2014 me now if she wanted or expected Maul to be in this show, she’d laugh and be like hell no. Probably how much of the world was in 1999 when Maul died and then George and Dave were like BITCH YOU THOUGHT! HE’S ACTUALLY NOT DEAD! Dave Filoni is such a phenomenal storyteller and I have the upmost respect and admiration for him. He is the only one at Lucasfilm that I trust completely. He’s had 10 years to prove to me that he knows what he’s doing. And he knows what he’s doing. I never have any doubt when it comes to Filoni’s work. And I so happy that Sam and Dave have such a great relationship, professionally and personally. Because they both have such a passion to tell great stories and take care of this franchise. I love them together and I hope Sam will always have a place in Dave’s Star Wars.

Thinking back to the early days, I remember there was speculation before Season 1 aired that Sam might be playing The Inquisitor (which I was absolutely here for). There was a picture that revealed the character and I was like I WANT SAM TO VOICE HIM PLEASE LORD LET SAM BE THE VOICE. I had high hopes for that.....until Sam went and crushed all my hopes when this interview came out on January 30, 2014 and he said he was definitely NOT playing the Inquisitor. Which was fine...once the blow healed. It left the door open for him to play another character. I wasn’t gonna give up so easily. I knew he was gonna be in the show. Filoni would not let me down.

Then months later on October 26, 2014 (a few weeks after the show started airing), there were rumors that Sam was “deeply involved” with the show. It hadn’t been officially confirmed that he was in it. There was just that quote from Making Star Wars. But that was enough to get me super excited. I 100% believed with all my heart that it was true. And it was all I ever wanted.

We didn’t get official confirmation that Sam was in the show voicing Emperor Palpatine until April 18, 2015. It was confirmed at Star Wars Celebration in Anaheim when the trailer for Season 2 dropped and Sam tweeted this:

But you didn’t have to tell me.

So everyone who attended the Rebels panel at SWCA was able to see the first 2 episodes, titled Siege of Lothal Parts 1 and 2. The rest of us didn’t see those episodes until June 20, 2015.

But like a month before they aired, I was blessed with the opportunity to meet Sam at Tidewater Comic Con (May 16, 2015). And it was truly the best day of my entire life (or one of them because I met him again the next day....a few times actually)

We actually had a conversation about Rebels. Sam asked me if I’d seen the show and I said “Yes! I’m so excited for Season 2!” I told him I’m so happy that he’s going to be in it. He told me what it was like recording the Emperor for that. He said he was by himself, as opposed to being with the cast. And I'm like "that must have been weird because I know you guys usually record as a cast." Sam also did his Dave Filoni impression for me (before it became the overused gimmick it is today). I laughed and told him I loved it.

Sam also mentioned that James Earl Jones was doing the voice of Vader for Rebels. And I'm like "I know! That's huge!" And he's like "Yeah, because usually I'm up against a Vader sound alike. Never the real thing." Sam said he felt so much pressure to get his Emperor to sound just right next to James Earl Jones’ Vader. But he felt better when the audience at Celebration cheered when they heard his Emperor during the screening. I said I couldn't wait to hear it too. Sam also told me that he voiced multiple characters in the episode and that I should keep a listen to hear him.

It totally went over my head the first time I saw the episode that Sam was the voice of Lando’s droid, W1-LE. It had to be the thick Southern-esque accent that threw me for a loop. But after listening to it again, I felt dumb for not realizing. I think my ears are definitely more attuned to his voice now that I can pick up on it no matter how much or how little he speaks. It just comes naturally now. The tech was obvious though.

The best part of it all was obviously hearing Sam as the Emperor. Though we couldn’t see him (and wouldn’t see or hear him until 2 season later), it was still thrilling. Sam has such a distinct Emperor voice. It’s completely different from Ian McDiarmid’s voice, but not so much that it’s distracting or you don’t know who it is. Which I remember Sam talking about before (but I don’t remember where...probably twitch). How his Emperor has to be effective so you know it’s the Emperor. Especially because in that scene, the audience doesn’t see him. We just hear his voice. And Sam nailed it. As always.

The rest of Season 2 didn’t start airing until October 14, 2015. And while I was enjoying the show, I really missed my dude.

There was a mid-season trailer for Season 2 that was released on January 15, 2016 that had a Maul voiceover and shot of Maul in the dark...but I honstly can’t recall reacting to it at all. So I can’t remember if I saw it or not. Which is odd because I’m usually on that stuff. I’m sure if I saw it, I’d have lost my shit. And I can’t find any tweets or posts I made about it so..... I probably didn’t see it and was in the dark about Maul’s return. Or I didn’t care at the time. I don’t remember seeing any news or speculation about it either. I feel really dumb. I don’t know where my head was at.

In my ignorance, Sam didn’t pop up in anything Rebels related until the Rebels Recon for 2x18 when he teased about being the voice of Chopper. That was on March 16, 2016.

The Star Wars twitter account even “confirmed” it by liking my tweet about it. Plus their youtube channel said it too. So.....it must be true????

All I know is I lost my mind seeing Sam again. I don’t remember when I became aware of Maul coming back to Rebels. The segment in RR said he was “Emperor Palpatine”, but this was 2 weeks before Maul made his first appearance. This was also the day after he was announced to be on Once Upon A Time so I was on cloud 9 with all the new Sam content. I blame myself for being too occupied with OUAT over Rebels during this time to document my reaction to Maul on social media.Lucasfilm wasn’t being that discreet about it though. And Sam even called them out on knowing they’d make a promo revealing Maul, but he was gonna disguise his voice anyways.

Lucasfilm released the official info about Maul’s return on March 24, 2016.

These images were published in an article from Entertainment Weekly.

Sam tweeted the article. I think that is what finally brought it to my full attention that Maul was coming back. I’m sure I knew by that point, but it was there. It was actually happening.

I tweeted this to him and he liked it (so did Tracy Cannobbio...who is awesome btw):

And I replied to his tweet about Maul coming back with this gif. And that was the first RT I ever got from him. It was a good day!

And he replied with this....cheeky bastard.

We like had a whole conversation. It was great.

So Maul was officially back. It had been 3 years since we’d last seen him. Clone Wars Season 5 (5x16 The Lawless aired on February 2, 2013). I was psyched! This is what I wanted for years, but never expected this. But I was happy. Sam had made me LOVE Maul in The Clone Wars...against my initial skepticism. And I was so pumped to see what had happened to him in the 20 so years between The Clone Wars and the current timeline. Lucasfilm also released a preview clip on March 24, 2016 and this was a totally different Maul then we’d ever seen before. I couldn’t wait for the episode to air!

On March 29, 2016, Sam was in Vancouver filming OUAT and there were A LOT of pictures from the set. It was a good day.

I couldn’t resist making a joke about those awful sideburns.

Twilight of the Apprentice aired on March 30, 2016 and it was absolutely amazing. Everything just blew my mind. It was the best Rebels episode up until this point (and is still in my top 5). Here’s my initial reaction to the episode that I posted here on tumblr. I also spazzed out on twitter too.

Sam did a lot of press after the Season 2 finale aired, but the best thing was definitely his appearance on Collider Jedi Council with Freddie on April 7, 2016. It was the first time was saw the Force Bros together and I just fell in love with their bromance beyond what we’d seen on twitter. I love seeing them together every chance we get because they’re hilarious and adorable. And they obviously have mutual love and respect for each other. I never would’ve pictured this dynamic ever happening if it weren’t for Star Wars Rebels. And even though the show is ending, I have a feeling Force Bros will last well beyond.

Going through some old videos (for what I don’t remember), I came across an old Clone Wars press conference from 2012 and this part caught my attention so I decided to tweet Sam and Ashley about it (tweeted that April 14, 2016). Because they kinda sort called the Ahsoka/Maul thing in Rebels YEARS before it happened.

The next major thing was Star Wars Celebration Europe. Dave, Sam, and Tiya were the only ones who attended SWCE in London to represent Rebels (July 15-17, 2016). That was one of the best weekends ever because there were so many pics and videos.

this one being the best:

Since the panel was small, Sam got to talk a lot. I remember going through a crisis not knowing if the panel would be livestreamed or not. But it was and it was awesome! Here’s my full thoughts on the panel because I just had to rant! (July 16, 2016)

The panel gave us the poster and the trailer for Season 3. And it was definitely going to be the most EPIC season yet. Everyone was all excited about Thrawn. But I was just hyped for more Maul! There was also a preview clip of a scene with Ezra, Kanan, and Maul that left us on sort of a cliffhanger until the fall. That was torture. At least for those of us who weren’t there at Celebration to see the first couple episodes. Sam did an interview that I pestered the Star Wars twitter account to upload and they finally did and I was so happy. There was also a press conference on July 16, 2016.

Rebels Season 3 started airing September 24, 2016, This preview clip of Maul was uploaded on September 28. Maul’s first appearance was in 3x02 The Holocrons of Fate (originally aired October 1). I dubbed this the start of “Witwer Weekends” because he was in Rebels AND Once Upon A Time. But that was a mistake because he didn’t appear much in either show. But I enjoyed it while is lasted. Tbh I think I was more caught up in Once Upon A Time than Rebels. I wrote WAY too many rants about it during this time and not enough about Rebels.

Sam’s first interview on The Star Wars Show was on October 12, 2016. I remember seeing the tweet and being so mad I couldn’t watch it til I got home from work.

But seeing this face was worth the wait because he’s so adorable OMFJSHSHS

Too bad this never happened:

But this is still my favorite SWR promo that was ever made.

And this is one of the best things I’ve ever made and tweeted Sam (November 21, 2016):

This is another lip sync video I did of Hyde and Maul using audio of Sam from a twitch stream. He didn’t see it but I still love it. (December 9, 2016)

After 3x02, Maul didn’t return until 3x10 Visions and Voices, which aired on December 10, 2016. In hindsight, comparing it to Mortis was lame. But fangirling with Tracy over Sam is always fun!

But it was blowing my mind that we were going back to Tatooine because that meant OBI-WAN!!!!! I don’t think I’d ever been more excited for a Rebels episode up until that point.

The mid-season trailer for Season 3, which came out January 4, 2017, teased the Obi/Maul reunion, but the 3 month wait after that for Twin Suns was brutal. But completely worth it. There was a promo clip released on March 10 (a week before the episode aired) and it featured the infamous KENNNOOOOOOBIIIIIAHSHDGGGDG scream. Which I set as my phone notification sound and still have to this day because I’m lazy.

But the description of the promo basically spelled out the outcome of the episode.

Sam did lots of press before the big episode, including this livestream interview with Sideshow on March 15, 2017. I was at work when he did this so I didn’t watch it live. Which was disappointing at the time, but it is what it is and I LOVED it.

On March 17, 2017, Lucasfilm released the clip of Maul going insane in the desert on Tatooine, which also included the scream. In a way it felt like a spoiler, but it hyped me up.

There was also a Twin Suns and Zero Hour screening at the LDAC that same day. Sam was there.

And that’s where this audio came from. "I’M FIRED BUT I’M ALREADY DEAD!” STILL CRACKS ME UP! XDDDDD. Shoutout to the Skywalking Through Neverland Facebook Group for posting videos of the panel with Sam, Dave, and Andi Gutierrez.

Twin Suns aired March 18, 2017 and it left me emotionally wrecked. Maul was a character who was part of the Star Wars saga for 18 years til that point. I grew up with this character. I got to follow his journey from the beginning in 1999 until his death. And I’m not gonna lie, but Sam definitely influenced my love for the character. But Maul really grew on me from TCW and SWR. It was such a privilege to go on this long journey and watch his character develop. I wrote more intimately about my feelings on Maul and Twin Suns here.

Sam appeared in the Rebels Recon episode for Twin Suns and it just ripped my heart out when he said this:

Sam is synonymous with Maul now. He is who I think of when I think of that character because he’s played him the longest and brought so much to him. It’s amazing what he did for the character. He put so much passion into playing Maul. I’m immensely proud of him.

There was so much press and interviews that came out after Twin Suns. It was fucking LIT! Including this amazing article from Star Wars.com on March 23, 2017.

Sam was announced for Star Wars Celebration Orlando on March 24, 2017

I got my Rebels Maul pop on March 29, 2017. Totally worth the 30 something dollars I spent on eBay. I really want Sam to sign it for me someday..along with a bunch of other things.

NEVER FORGET THIS PART FROM AN PODCAST INTERVIEW ON REBELS CHAT! THE POWER OF HANDSOME CAN NEVER DIE. EVEN IF DAVE FILONI KILLS YOUR CHARACTER! (April 6, 2017)

Next cam Star Wars Celebration in Orlando, Florida. Sam kicked off SWCE by posting this pic with Ray Park on April 12, 2017.

AND HOLY SHIT I LOST MY SHIT

Star Wars Celebration Orlando lasted from April 13-16 2017. And it was the absolute best Celebration ever. There was just so much content that my brain was melting. I was fangirling and nerding out so much and so hard. It was crazy. Sam wasn’t on the Rebels panel, but there was so much other stuff that it didn’t really matter. I know he had such a good time there and it made me so happy. He’d been confirmed for BF II, so that was cool. And the Schmoedown (which he lost and it was a bit humiliating...but I forgive him and he redeemed himself later). Also Smuggler’s Revenge.

But most importantly, on April 15, 2017 at the Rebels panel @ SWCO. It gave us this epic trailer , but t was announced that Season 4 would be the last season of Rebels. That was very sad. But what keeps me going is that Dave and everybody will get to tell a complete story. Unlike Clone Wars. That is what makes me most happy.

Still holding a grudge over this:

This interview Sam did post Maul’s death came out on April 24, 2017. It’s my favorite. I just love him so much. He’s just so intellectual and his passion comes through so much in his words.

Sam even liked my tweet to the woman who wrote the article. Did I mention I love him because I LOVE HIM!!!!!

On May 8, 2017, I got this cool Maul pin from an artist on twitter. He’s wearing a shirt that says MAUL LIVES?. It’s currently on my Starkiller bag that Sam signed (which is probably my most prized possession). I fucking love it!!!!

SPEAKING OF THE MAUL LIVES SHIRT, SAM HAS ONE OF HIS OWN! HE WORE IT ON JUNE 13, 2017 DURING A TWITCH STREAM! I asked him if it had an exclamation point or a question mark (like Dave’s Ahsoka Lives shirt) and he said “ it depends on what you want”

On June 15, 2017, The Star Wars Show released an interview with Eugene Byrd. And the conversation landed on Sam. And there was some bts footage of Sam recording Maul. FINALLY WE HAD FOOTAGE OF THE SCREAM!!!

But the audio was very faint. So....I got the idea to take the audio from Twin Suns and sync it with the clip of Sam screaming.

I tweeted it to Sam and this happened:

And it’s become one of my most popular posts here on tumblr. It currently has over 2,000 notes. Which is like so surprising to me because it seriously makes me cringe now. But this was before we got the actual footage from a BTS featurette on the Season 3 bluray. So....I was ahead of the curve???

I was so excited when it was announced that Sam was going to on James’ Arnold Taylor’s show called Clone Wars Conversations. His episodes were recorded on June 15, 2017.

They were uploaded to JAT’s YT on August 5 (part 1) and August 11 (part 2). This interview was A LOT of fun and still one of my absolute favorites. I love Sam and James together. Two of my favorite people. Bless James for doing this! He’s the real MVP! The scene they did of Wesley and Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride as Obi-Wan and Maul is still thing ever.

Season 3 of Rebels came out on DVD and bluray on August 29, 2017. I was at Disney World that day. Sam did a Rebels bluray giveaway during one of his streams in September (I don’t remember the exact date)...but I didn’t win. But I was the one who asked him to sign them..so whoever won, you’re welcome! I eventually bought Season 3 and it goes nicely with my CW and other Rebels DVDs. I can’t wait to add Season 4 to my collection!

There’s a featurette on the DVD that focuses on Maul and Kenobi called Apprentices to Outcasts: Kenobi and Maul. It’s really awesome and has great insight into those characters and their dynamic over the years. Plus it has the Kenobi scream in beautiful HD.

A second trailer for Season 4 was released on September 4, 2017. And it was fucking epic af!!!!!!

It had been up for discussion since August that Sam and the Rebels cast including Freddie, Steve Blum, Mary McGlynn, Vanessa Marshall, and Taylor Gray were planning to start playing a SW tabletop role playing game that they would broadcast on twitch. Freddie tweeted a short fun promo video featuring Sam on November 8, 2017. It was adorable and hilarious and I’m still not over it.

The first game was on December 8, 2017. And it was so much fun.

The second game was on January 12, 2018. And it was even more fun.

When the Season 4 mid-season trailer came out on January 19, 2017, it was confirmed that Sam would not be voicing the Emperor, but the man himself, Ian McDiarmid. I’ll be honest and say I was really disappointed, but my respect for Ian outweighs my disappointment. He’s the man! And Sam happily stepped aside, so it’s all good.

Oh...and this happened.

THE MORTIS REFERENCE. I SCREAMED. MORTIS IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE ARC IN THE CLONE WARS. AND TO SEE IT STILL RELEVANT IN 2018 JUST BLOWS MY MIND. I WAS SO HYPED FOR THAT.

So Sam’s been the voices of a few minor characters here and there, but it was such a surprise to hear him in 4x11 DUME, which aired on February 19, 2018. He was the Imperial tech who talks to Pryce in the first scene. I was like HOLD UP! IS THAT SAM. IT SOUNDS LIKE SAM!

So I checked the credits and it was him. He was also the trooper who finds the com and then gets blown up. I’ve seen the episode like 4 times and I don’t think there is a “biker scout #2″ in that episode. Pretty sure that’s a mistake.

The episodes that had the Mortis Gods (4x12 and 4x13) aired on February 26, 2018. It was epic and beautiful, but I think I hyped myself up too much. The archived sound of Sam’s voice as the Son was great, but I wanted more. But it makes my heart happy that Mortis still has a place in this story so many years later.

______________________________

And that brings us to where we are today; the series finale of Star Wars Rebels. It feels like the end of an era. One that will actually have some closure. I can’t believe it’s been 5 years. I know I tend to focus mostly on Sam when it comes to this show, but honestly, I love everything else about it just as much. I went on this journey with these characters for 4 years. Not all of them made it to the end, but they’ll be in my heart forever. Rebels is such an important part of the new age of Star Wars. It was the first taste of content we got from Disney. It held us over until Episode VII. My wounds from losing The Clone Wars healed because of this show. I knew it wouldn’t replace TCW and I wasn’t expecting it to. From day one, Rebels was its own thing, telling its own stories. Acting as a bridge between two trilogies, the same way Clone Wars was the bridge between two films. It was quality and surpassed my expectations. I’m grateful that I’m here to see the end of this amazing show and got to be a part of this journey. I had some wonderful experiences in relation to Rebels. Ones I’ll never forget.

I want to thank Dave and his incredible team of talented people who created and contributed to this series. We deserve this closure after being screwed over with Clone Wars. And I’m really glad Sam got to be a part of it. I’m really proud of his contributions.

I’m really excited for what the future holds for Star Wars and Sam. And how my two favorite things will collide again. I’m sure they’re all hard at work on the next installment in the franchise and I can’t wait to see what it is. I’m grateful that I get to be a part of this fandom and contribute to this fandom. Star Wars is very important to me. It’s my favorite thing in the world. It’s been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I grew up with the films as a child, The Clone Wars was a part of my high school and college years, and Rebels was a part of my adulthood and discovering what I want from life. Star Wars, especially the animated series, have been my escapism.

Reflecting back on all these wonderful memories filled me with great joy. Yes, I’m sad the show is ending. But I’m honestly happy. Not happy that it’s over. But happy that this story was told. And that this story gets an ending. I trust Dave will do it right. I have complete faith in him and his people. They’ll do it justice. Rebels will always have a place in my heart. I love it. And I will continue to love and appreciate it long after it ends. Thank you to everyone involved and everyone that made this series one of a kind and truly special.

#sorry i'm so emotional #sam witwer #star wars rebels #darth maul #text #personal #2018 #i don't care if you don't read it #i don't care if you unfollow me #this is important to me #and we all know i tend to get super emo and ranty when stuff happens #i apologize if i come off super pretentious tho

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