#i clung to that friendship for dear life

[lenakluthor]

y’all remember that friend i was constantly complaining about? well, i finally realized she has always been manipulative af and treated me exactly like my mother would constantly. stood my ground. finally. she didn’t like that. so now i’m FREE

[redheadspark]

Miss

Summary - Azriel missed you on his latest mission, and he shows you how much he has missed you

Warnings - SMUT SMUT SMUT! This is a SMUT one piece, NO MINORS FROM HERE ON OUT!

A/N - I am no SMUT writer, apologies in advance!

You were right at the peak, beyond close to tipping over and having that euphoria of pleasure consume you once again for the fifth time that night.  But then again, you were wishing not to let go just yet, this was the right amount of pleasure that was now wrapping around your bones and consuming you from the inside out.  All thanks to the Illyrian Spymaster above you who was taking his sweet time fucking you.  

This was his game: the game of Azriel the Shadowsinger of Night Court.

All you could breathe was Azriel, all you could feel was Azriel, and all you could ever experience was Azriel. There was no doubt that this was the best kind of drug that you could ever consume and need in your face life, even after 300 hundred years together as mates.  Azriel snuck into your life, someone you never saw coming when you were introduced by Mor.  There was no instant explosion of lust, nor was it bone dry and unfeeling.  It felt like you were slipping into a warm bath, your muscles unwinding instantly and a sigh of relief on your lips as you two shook hands for the first time.  Although you were friends at first, you both knew deep down that you were going to be connected in some way.

It only took a few years after meeting and building your friendship to feel the bond take place. From there on out, it was game over.

Azriel never stopped his hips, his toned muscles along his backside were working on overdrive as he was having over you while fucking you with such precision laced with intimacy and devotion, it was almost tooth aching.  But this was how Azriel worked when you two were in the throws of pleasure, going in right for the kill at the very beginning and then taking his time later on.  His patience in giving you pleasure could not be measured by any other, though you were not one to complain at all.  If he could, he could keep you on edge for hours on end and still have the drive to make you come undone within seconds.

Azriel was good at this game, and you would let him win every time.

"Oh fuck, my love," He growled against your cheek as his hips were still rolling.  Your legs were parted easily, sore for being spread for some time but now the feeling now a dull ache.  Just feeling his toned muscles and body against your own was enough for you to forget your thighs that were shaking.  His arms braced your head as your arms clung to his shoulders, feeling a bit of his wings as they were tucked against his back.  He kissed your cheek a few times as you were holding on for dear life, hearing him murmur, "I don't think I can ever stop,"

"Fuck…fuck don't stop," You moaned and pleaded as he gave a few hard thrusts, having your eyes roll back as his smile against your jaw was evident.

"I won't ever leave you that long ever again," He swore, engraining it in your skin as you bit your lower lip and moved one of your hands to run into his sweaty locks, "It was too….fuck…too long away from you, from being able to touch you like this…"

As if on cue, he moved one of his hands from being near your head to rubbing your clit, having you moan loudly and curl into him as the pleasure was now heightened to the tenth degree.  You were putty in his hands, and Azriel smirked from feeling you shake once his thumb rubbed your clit slowly and deliberately.  

You both knew you needed this night together, Azriel being away for almost an entire month thanks to Rhysand and his need for Azriel and his Spymaster ability.  Rhysand was on a tour of sorts to the other Courts, his own way of keeping peace with the other High Lords and going over the treaties that were signed.  Rhsyand was more than willing to go on his own, not letting High Lady Feyre come nor their own Nyx.  Feyre was running Night Court without him and Nyx was too young.  If left him having both Cassian and Azriel come along with him, Cassian talking to other army commanders in other courts, and Azrile being a second pair of eyes and ears in those meetings.

You were left alone from your mate for that long month, keeping busy and helping your High Lady.  But you weren't going to lie and say you didn't miss your mate, his company with you, your talks together, and most of all, the intimacy with him.  There was no doubt you two had a healthy sex life, a very healthy one at that.  The jokes from Rhysand and Cassian about Azriel and his high energy in bed were always evident when you and Azriel just got together, though you never let it affect you.  

But you knew those rumors were true when you and Azriel first slept together.  

"Azriel…Az please.." You mewled as his thumb was still rubbing your clit and his hips were still going at a constant cadence that was both filthy and yet touching at the same time.  Azriel knew how to fuck and he fucked well, no matter how many times you two were together like this, he made your heart soar and your moans sound lethal.  This night was no different, Azriel starting off the night instantly as you two made it back to your penthouse home in the city.  Azriel left his hesitance at the door, perching you on the edge of the kitchen island as he sank to his knees and dived in between your legs within seconds.  Shaking and moaning with no shame, you felt yourself cumming within two minutes of him licking into your pussy with just his tongue alone.  Watching your orgasm and your shake on the counter drew more desire from him, his chin still glistening from your release as he then licked his own fingers to have a second round with you.

Another four minutes, you came from his fingers.  Azriel was only warming up.

"Please what, my love?" He asked as he watched your eyes dilated and your lips parted in pleasure as he was still pounding into you slowly and with deep precision, "There is no way I can be done with you when you look and feel like this, beyond words,"  He lightly bit your jawline as you huffed and bit your lower lip, "I can't get enough of you, ever.  Nothing else has ever come close in my love, and I don't want anything else,"

You moaned, both from his words and how on edge you were.  He nuzzled into your cheek for a brief moment, breathing in your scent that was mixed with sex as he leaned back to be sitting on his legs.  Seeing you sprawled on your satin sheets, a gift from Rhysand on your wedding day, blissed out in pleasure with your hair plastered to your neck and cheeks and your eyes wide in love, Azriel thought you were heavenly.  His cock was still nestled deep inside of you, your pussy aching both in intense pleasure and lust as he drank in the sight of you.  He wanted this picture for the rest of his days, Inca se he had to go away again and think of you deep in the night for him to have something to come back to.

This night alone was memorable, fucking you against the shower wall as the water went cold against his back, then taking you from behind on the bathroom floor moments after turning off the water in the shower.  Which led to you two tangled on your bed, you riding him with a new core of desire in your belly.  But this, being pinned under Azriel as he was relentlessly fucking you into the mattress, was beyond words and made you feel like you were floating out of your body. 

Azriel was a pro at this.

"Cauldron, you're breathtaking," He hummed in lust as he was watching you while still perched over you, his cock rock hard inside your pussy as you lazily grinned.  You were still on edge, but that ache was nothing new for you in how he would draw this out for as long as he could to make your orgasm mind-numbingly amazing.  You reached up with one spare hand, Azriel then leaning down to have you cradle his face with your palm.  But your fingers were near his lips, you tracing his Lowe lips to feel how plump they were and you moaned.

"Gods you're divine," You moaned as his hazel eyes drilled into your own.  Without breaking eye contact, he opened his mouth to let two of your fingers slip into his mouth lustfully.  His tongue along your digits, with the wicked grin on his face, was enough to make you scream as his hips were moving again.  It was such a site, Azriel fucking you deeply and with new pent-up energy as he was sucking your fingers made you teeter on edge all over again.  You were so close, the feeling there along your spine and under your eyes as you were now babbling at him, knowing it was a turn-on for him to hear you moan and whimper his name.

"Fuck me…please fuck me….make me cum….make me cum.  Now, Az.  Now….I wanna cum…" You were repeating it like a mantra as he was drilling his hips again and again.  Nothing else was in your head, only the love you had for Azriel and how much he cherished you in his life.  He placed you first in all his choices and decisions as a Spymaster, choosing the less threatening missions and fights just to keep himself safe to come home to him.  How he loved you with both his words and his actions whenever he could.  Azriel felt as if you two being mates was fate for him, meant to be, and nothing would change that for him in his mind. Not even the Cauldron itself would take you away from him.  

And watching you orgasm, howling in pure pleasure and euphoria was enough for Azriel to also fall over the edge.  He felt himself empty inside of you, the sense of love and relief all over his body as his wings shot out in the moment of him summing.  The release, the new layer of love that was unleashed with the both of you, made Azriel almost float to the sky if he could.  

He would choose you over anything, over anyone, in this lifetime or beyond.  

Finally feeling boneless, he collapsed on top of you and held you close, still deep inside of you but not wishing to lose that connection anytime soon.  Holding you close, he breathed you in as your fingers were tracing his arms with the tips of your fingers.  Azriel held you like a jewel, delicately and with possession at the same time, while his lips were pecking along your neck and shoulder.  No matter how many times you two would fuck, there was still the foundation of you two loving each other.

Loving each other through the highs of your life and the lows.  Through the tragedies and the joy.  Azriel loved you with everything in him, you grinning against his head as you finally found your voice.

"If you intended on giving me the best sleep, then you have done well, my love," You said against his forehead.  Ariel laughed, the vibration of his laughter was against your neck as he held you a pinch tighter.

"You bring this side of me out in the best way," He cooed, then moved his head up to be eye to eye with you as your gaze on him lingered with affection.  He paused, looking you over and feeling the sensation of peace between the two of you.  Even in the tossed sheets and deep in the night, you both were back to the solid foundation of your love together.

"I've missed you so," He whispered to you, making your heart flutter as he nuzzled your nose with his.

"Not as much as I missed you," You hummed back, ruffling his hair as he leaned in to kiss you.  

The End

[000jeon]

Focused on her

mature: graphic detail.

synopsis: He had always been a master of concentration, but the sight of you in that black, figure-hugging dress was enough to shatter his focus. The way the fabric clung to every curve of your body, accentuating your shape, was simply irresistible. It was as if the dress had been tailor-made for you, and him alone. Every inch of his being was drawn to you, he found himself struggling to keep his eyes off you and had to his frustration out in other than boxing gloves. So about a leftover spiked condom in his leather wallet he had left from previous nights?

aged jungkook au! complicated friendship au! Roommates!

contains: oral, smut, dirty talk, tattooed JK, pierced JK, not as much plot but plot, dub-con, Dom jungkook, sub reader, ball sucker, coy reader, slight pinning, wall, floor, verbal jk, the reader isn't as verbal, jk focused, jk is very imaginative, in love jk, cursing, daydreamermer, face sitting (m), the reader isn't on bc, mentions of pregnancy, crempie, cumshot, blowjob, rounds, he is big, w.a.p.

Sweat glistened down his towel-wrapped forehead and rolled down his chin and neck as if melting underneath the warmth of the sun. His stamina and determination kept him going for hours at a time, taking a break every second to see what you were up to In the living room as he practiced alone. Typically he'd go down to a trainer or have him over, but due to severe rain pour and storm, it was best to cancel and take precautions for both parties.

You on the other hand took the opportunity to go through your clothes and see what could be donated. He never minded you stripping naked in front of him, allowing him to view you in such a relaxed state and you never hesitated to ask why. Was it because like his friends he was a pervert or because it was just a woman's body and he shouldn't huff and puff like a dog wanting a chew toy? You never knew and you never gave it a second thought.

With a loud smack coming from an undercut against the 6'0ft punching bag, he whipped his chin using his tattooed sleeve arm and continued working on his strength. Continuing he took his gloves off with his teeth and placed them besides his hip, giving himself a break to drink some water and sit on the little black padded gym bench he bought recently. With your back towards him, he took the opportunity to check your ass in your panties out and smirk to himself while he quietly took a small spit to drink.

Curious about why you were slowly bending down to pull something up he soon realized the dress had small chains of gold around the midsection of the dress and he practically held in a laugh at how you thought aloud of how delicate the seems were. Within another sip the dress was under your breast and almost completely on besides the spaghetti straps that looked like they needed to be clasped by another.

In amazement, his eyes raised and mouth slowly hung as he watched in awe of your beauty and amazing figure. Was it the ideal body you'd see marketed no, but the way your body hugged and tugged at the dress made him rethink his life choices of women in an instant. Once again shaken to his core, he stood up and walked over to help you clasp the back of the dress, his height leaning over your smaller frame and taking a peek at your breast naturally sitting comfortably in the dress.

With a wrap around your waist, he turned you, softy. With fear your eyes expanded wide like dear in headlights afraid he'd stupidly break it, but instead gave you more breathable room and adjusted the dress with a smile he wasn't aware he wasn't hiding from you.

"mmm, you think I could take you somewhere nice in this. It's a shame you've never worn it until now," he mentions, backing up to get a better view of the dress. Looking up at him you could see his gaze dancing to the slight sparkles that shined ever so softly in the living room light.

With a faded smile you look down and sigh saying "I've never felt confident with anyone enough to really show it off, so I hid it until now I suppose." Ignoring his offer due to the last bit of his speech, he walked up and lifited your head a bit with a sweaty finger.

"let me be the confidence you need, I'd train harder to protect something as bright as that smile when you turned around in that dress" he mentions, his heart fluttering more than yours at a soft compliment. Taking a moment he realized what he had uttered and pretended to cough to the side in his arm.

Flustered he tried speaking and only studdered words came out and was embarrassed. Taking a breath in, he smiled and gain a slight composure to excuse himself to what he believed was a full sentence.

"I'm going to uh, yeah. I'll -" he stopped himself, walking off itching his hair as he walked back to the puffy cool new gym bench. Flustered himself, that giggle you let out killed him and he knew it was about to haunt him for days of how he messed up a cool moment like that.

Undoing the towel wrapped around his head, he sighed and smelled it. It wasn't very noticeable but it was time to wash his hair. Which to him was a blessing sent from above or love itself, a moment he could hopefully steam out his head as he washed his worked-out bodys trophie of sweat and pride out his pores or so he thought.

He thought the cold water would stop the thoughts of taking you out as friends to a dinner, to show off your curves. As friends to a fancy 5 star restaurant in Seoul, he'd have to book now to see you in that dress again. But the one thing that made the water run warm was the thought of watching the dress fall down your body like a melted white chocolate fountain. A fountain he'd pour over you if you gave him one day, a night, and even the chance. Something his mind was begging for at this point.

Turning the water to warm, he gently hit his head against the wall in frustration and desperation at that point in time. He wanted to last one more hour to make it four with boxing, but damn if he did it's be obvious on how he felt about the dress on your body and there would be no way of getting out of being teased for months on bodily functions.

Couldn't help he liked what he saw, it pumped more thrill in his body to watch you turn your back away from him then to finally land that harsh punch he's been aiming for all day. And that was bad, very bad. He could trip over thoughts as he was over you. Was he in love or just desperate or maybe both? Not a teenager anymore, but grown enough to acknowledge that his heart dipped lower than his chest and throbs at the sight of you at times. Something he kept secret and hideen if possible, very hidden..

With a last scrub and the daily shower confession, he assumed he was clean of rightfully lustful thoughts until he walked out in a towel to his imagination of the black dress falling at easy down your body. He gulped and quietly made it to his room in search of clothes and franticly looked for clothes to go out in.

"gah, fuck this" he cursed aloud, pulling his shirt down as looked for clothes and ways to get that image out his head. Infact he needed to get out of his head, out of his apartment as he searched for boxers and his pants, and his wallet in a hurry.

"why me?" He whined to himself silently as he fell dramatically on the bed in a pain only you could fix. Reaching for his wallet in defeat he felt a circle like dent and remembered he kept a condom in there incase the day you wanted to get spicy with him out side of his head he'd be ready. Was he ready if that ever happened. Sighing he took the condom off and placed iton his bed side counter.

"it's pouring outside, wet. Wet like- ugh" he slapped himself slightly on the forehead. "What am I doing wrong with my life" he groaned sitting up and gaining the mental strength to go back out to see you. Which he did, to only find you ordering a pizza online without him.

"Ya" he yelled loudly scaring you as you jolted towards him on the bar stool to face him.

"Without me you jerk. First, you surprised me with the dress and now you're ordering without me, is this how I'm being kicked-"

"No you're not being kicked out, you purchased the place, and two, I just got the website. It's late, cold and I'm sure they will happily deliver here. So here, look and order with me. We get wings half off today." you mentioned getting up In your set pajamas and shoving your iMac laptop in his face.

Grabbing it with thanks he ordered his half added more items and placed his credit card in the order so you wouldn't have to pay before handing it back.

"Thank you jungkookie oppa!" you teased seeing the uncomfortable scrunched face he let as he regretted coming out here. Laughing, you ordered some drinks from another website to come and eveuting wa settled to come withing 45mins to an hour, which could increase due to the storms harshness.

"Is this where we play games and head back to" he jokingly questioned pausing as you got on your knees in front of him. Blinking several times he wasn't sure if he was dreaming or just maladaptive daydreaming again. Looking down he saw he wasn't and his Best friend of 20 years was on her knees looking at his Bonner like it was meat on a menu.

"Why not skip to the fun part of waiting," you softly bit down on your glossed lower lip as he gulped in anticipation.

"Maybe the wait is worth the fun in the end?" He lets out a deep huff of warm air backing up a bit in sheer awkwardness. It wasn't like he didn't want you, it was more he didn't like the way you started it when he could've 'man up' and started it himself. It was his erection anyway.

With a hand offered to help you up, you gratefully took it and he used it to pull up and close to his chest. Breathing heavily out of shock, your eyes slowly trailed up to meet his as he smirked in a smile.

"One thing to know about me is I like taking care of others, I want to have the lead, and those soft pleading eyes you're giving me are driving me crazy right now" JK mentions, lowering his head down so his lips could meet with yours but only keeping them an inch away for added suspense.

"then I'm glad I've always listened to you, to every word and command you've asked of me thus far" you gulp, lips quivering in need of attention. With that in mind, his head slightly turned and yours did too without breaking the small gap between his throbbing lips and your slightly quivering ones. A distance he shortly after broke, with his hands feeling around your back before bringing his arms around in a comfortably tight embrace around your hips.

Moaning from the tug and the great relief of broken space, he drank up the vibration and used it to fuel his lustful fire below. One that could be felt pushing against your pelvis as if asking on his behalf for more, for consent of the obvious.

Wanting more, he kissed vigorously. Their lips moved from the pace of uncertainty to tongue exploring the edges and buds of your own as his heart pounded from the excitement of your arms wrapping around his neck loosely like his thin silver chain with a gem pendant you bought him for his birthday years ago.

The birth gem necklace he swore to himself to wear religiously every day. The one he didn't put on today, in an attempt to run away from your hold. To only be wrapped around your embrace, just like the necklace.

While he tries to calm himself before making any long-term decisions with you. He knew that was a promise he couldn't keep with himself as he ached for something long-term and his body was pushing him to. Meanwhile, with his heart controlling his movements now, he started to walk you over to the closest kitchen wall in sight to corner you. To trap you in his warm-hearted embrace the same way the thought of you, your body, and your whole existence did to him mentally.

With the kiss naturally breaking off, he moved his lips around your jaw and pushed any fly hair strands away as he made his way to your neck. Gripping his shirt, in the back his mouth drooled over it in need as he applied rough pressure in the crook between your jaw and neck. With a burning desire he build higher than the pyramids of Asia, you pulled his shirt up and gripped his skin. A bright hue of red plastred on his cheeks as he marked other places on your shoulder of him.

"so much pleasure" you whined quietly, your words loudy admitting to the idea of how sensitive you were to every touch of his on your body. A sentence he repeated mentally as he pulled off to see your pleading state of your face and lips.

"Good, I wanted that" he chuckled at your need for intimacy. Whilst eyeing you carefully watching for your aroused response to his movements, he gripped the hemming of his shirt to pull over and throw off to the side of you. In all its glory, his upper body was indeed muscular and slimmed. A pack of 8, along with his biceps were seen more clearly as you walked your eyes down and around his bare uper torso.

"keep them lowered for me only" Jungkook insisted, pulling his shorts and leaving him in his ballooned underwear for your visual pleasure. A moment- wait no a sight you never thought you'd see like this. Moving your gaze back up, caused him to tilt your head back down to look.

"never said to look up, so keep your eyes lowered" he leaned in your ear to say. With a nod, you saw him lower his body to his knees and pull both layers of pajama pants and underwear down to reveal a slight bush. Embraced you covered yourself modestly with shock as he pushed them away and lifted one of your legs on his shoulder.

"looks good, so it'll taste good," he says, tongue slowly brushing and coating his lips in hunger as much as wetness as he leans his nose forward more. With a lookup of yes, you nodded and soon gripped the jet-black strands of his hair as his lips collided with your folds. Tongue lathering your juices around your clit as his hands held your hips still and close as he sucked and teased the floods and your nerve with ease. Arching, you felt the release of wetness drip along your thighs as he continued to lick his deep coral-pink tongue around the nub as his lips attached to your labia with thirst.

Moaning at almost an uncontrollable pace, you tugged and played with stands of his washed musk musk-smelling hair as your mouth felt like it was being held open for you in need. Pulling away softly, he made his eyes make contact with yours as he continued to orally fuck you to insanity before pulling off at any side of orgasm as he could feel the convulsions of your opening with ease and with some experience and a vague memory could tell the difference between one cumming and having an orgasm. A feeling he could sense was near.

Completely coming away from you, he caught you in his arms as your Legs buckled and gave up on standing on him. With a smile, he laid you on the thankfully clean, but cold white-lined tile floor and even placed his shirt under your head for a slightly better experience. Pulling his underwear off he threw them and eventually kneeled himself over your mouth, shaft in hand as his hard on faced towards your tits.

"get me even more excited for your mouth" he requests, your tongue like his earlier licked to become wet to provide a more comfortable experience for both of you. Thankfully JK decided to spend a few minutes trimming himself a bit in the shower as it was overdue for him, something you didn't mind not caring long as he was sexually clean. Something you knee from the constant lack of lotion in the bathroom and your bottles disappearing out of sight .

Succking on one side of his balls, you were glad they weren't too big to suck and roll around in your mouth as he jerked his cock in pleasure. Pulling up your shirt, he saw your breasts once again in a relaxed state and jerked and toyed one handily at them in ecstasy.

"so good" he breathed out heavily, cock heavy in his hands as he jerked over your breast harder in delight. It wasn't like he needed the extra help, but fuck if he had the chance to jerk himself over your pretty breasts he'd take it with no questions asked. Another fantasy fulfilled to him. Pulling himself off of you he stood up and helped you up to strip you of your top.

"fuck there's no way I'm letting your body get pleasure on this floor baby. You deserve somewhere warm and cozy, like my bed to lay on" he insists, taking your hand and urging you to his room. You gladly followed behind him as he rushed the both of you to the bed.

With the shut of the door and the flick of his warm-toned mood lighting. His bedroom was lightly illuminated with a warm yellow glow. Laying on the bed, he thought about a blowjob first but realized saving it for the end was more worth it as he knew how much of you he could handle before leading to his own orgasm.

Turning you over with light force, you laid on your belly and he handed you a pillow for added pleasure as you placed it under your pelvis. Waiting as he was you were getting adjusted completely, he tore his spiked, lubed, and internally ribbed condom and shuttered in slight coldness as it went down his shaft. Ready as you were, he soon pined your legs down and wanted to do things in prone bone style jungkook version than anything. Besides your ass in his eyes was meant to take it face down like this.

With his chest now hovering above your back, he placed his tip on the entrance of your cunt as he held himself in a somewhat of a one-armed plank position to do so. Kissing your upper back he warned you his cock was a large size to take. Which you believed based on how tight his boxers were on him minutes ago and the sound of him jerking wasn't light. With that in mind, he softly slid just his tip in before going into a full plank-like stance above your back as he introduced his protected cock to your warmth.

With the sound of painful pleasure coming from your lips, he stopped and allowed his hips to roll his tip in circles to get you accustomed to his cock. A feeling both mentally and physically arousing to both of you. After about 3 mins of him rolling his tip in and back kissing, he was able to inch his way deeper into you which caused him to panic at the feeling of walls tightly gripping and sucking him in with urgency.

"I'll pay for plan b if I fuck up and more if that doesn't work" he assured, knowing he's gonna wanna take that condom off to feel skin to tissue any minute.

Part 2: coming soon

M.LIST

[retroaria]

⊹₊⋆.˚ Confessions ⋆.˚₊ ⊹

summary: the bllk boys and their romantic confessions, some are love, some are not! all of them are pretty cute though, not gonna lie…

BLUE LOCK M.LIST | requests are open! | enjoy 💋

⊹₊⟡⋆ Isagi Yoichi ‹𝟹

isagi makes it a point to confess to you in person. he spends a few days thinking (and overthinking) exactly what words to use. he wants to make sure he can confess his true feelings and also let you know how lucky he would feel if you accepted him.

once he’s ready he’d send you a text or call you, asking you to meet him somewhere quiet, maybe just his house or yours. the two of you meet up and he’s immediately flushed. he’s nervous and excited all at the same time. he’s the kind of guy that would want to have built a strong friendship and bond before confronting his feelings for you, so he’s confident that you guys will be ok no matter what happens.

he’d take your hands in his and look you in the eyes while he confesses. his gaze would be warm and sweet, he’s just glad he could even get the opportunity to express himself to you.

“I’ve really love having you with me. You make me feel better, even when I thought I was fine before, being with you just feels better. The closer we’ve gotten, and the more I’ve seen of you and your world, the more I realize how badly I want to be a part of it.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Bachira Meguru ‹𝟹

as soon as bachira realizes he has feelings for you, he feels immediately ready to tell you. he’ll let the feeling settle for a little and try to tell you in an indirect manner. he’ll swoop in with a surprise kiss on your cheek, giggling as he watches your flustered expression. or maybe he’ll leave little notes around for you, in your bag, in your car, in your pockets, in your books, etc. they’d say silly little things about how adorable you were that day or he’ll briefly write about something that reminded him of you, maybe some mediocre poetry he thought up in his love sick state. you’d catch on pretty easily that it was bachira, and he never intended to keep that a secret.

then after a few days of messing with you, he decided he’d tell you the next time he saw you. when the two of you met up he immediately sucked you into a bone crushing hug, like he was holding on for dear life. he’d pull away, “hey cutie~ guess what…” he’d coo at you.

“i like you! Like, I really like you. Maybe I even love you. actually, yeah, love sounds better. I love you! I wanna take you on a date and kiss your stupid face. I know you feel the same, I wish you could see how red you are right now.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Nagi Seishiro ‹𝟹

Nagi realized he loved you when he began to notice how sad he would get when you leave. being sad is a serious pain for him. he doesn’t like the way it makes his brain and body feel all fried and stressed, he hates not wanting to do anything even more than he already does, yet simultaneously willing to do anything to get you back in his apartment. Nagi would beg you to sleepover every time you hung out at his place, he’d sometimes try to wrestle you into the bed. you were just so kind and warm and calming to him. he felt graced by you and your presence.

his confession would come out of him like a nice long sign of relief. he’s been having this strange internal battle between his love for you and his love for laziness. it’s a hassle to have to confess and then put in the effort to build up a romantic relationship, but in the end he decides it’s even more of a hassle to not tell you how he feels. plus, you’re so worth it.

“It just doesn’t feel right when you’re not with me. It’s like I don’t really know what to do with myself. You make me feel alive. That sounds cringe. I love you, is what im trying to say. I hope that makes sense.”

disclaimer: do not date a guy like nagi in real life you cannot gentle parent this man child lol

⊹₊⟡⋆ Reo Mikage ‹𝟹

Reo’s confession was a long time in the making. he clung to his feelings for as long as he could until it really felt like he was gonna explode if he didn’t tell you. he did that because he wanted to wait for the timing to be perfect. he wanted to find the perfect spot to do it, the perfect words to say, all at the perfect time in both of your lives. but of course, things rarely work out that way.

what actually happened is he blurted it out in the middle of you talking one day. you were telling him about something you were working on, something you loved and were really proud of. he was listening so intently, or at least trying to. his thoughts kept stringing him in a different direction and before he knew it, he dropped the L word on you like a nuclear bomb.

“I-uhh…Ok listen, I’m sorry I promise I was listening to you it’s just…you look so beautiful right now and you sound so cute and excited. It got me all frantic, I didn’t mean to drop that on you so out of nowhere…it’s true though, I do love you. I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Michael Kaiser ‹𝟹

(unless you speak german) kaiser has already confessed to you a million times. “ich liebe dich~” he’d say to you upon every parting, telling you it was simply a term of endearment. if you did happen to know what that meant already, or if you took the time to search it up, he’d be like “yeah, I said that, so what?” this man would propose to you in the middle of times square in broad daylight he’s so confident but that’s a different hc for another time lmaoo.

his confession is charming and flattering. he truly worships the ground you walk on while also believing that he’s the only one who could appreciate you as you deserve. his hands cup your face and his eyes fall warmly on yours. his voice is direct and steady. not a twinge of nervousness can be seen, just pure love and admiration. he speaks to you with a calm and lulling voice, a tenderness he only lets linger when he’s with you.

“Liebe, don’t you see how soft you make me? I’d hate for you to not realize how I feel for you. I want you to be mine, if you’ll have me, that is.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Rin Itoshi ‹𝟹 (i wrote so much for rin wtf)

Rin has walls that he has spent a lot of time and effort building up over the years. they’re forged to keep out anything and everything that may be a distraction from his goals, but if this is the guy you’re going for, i’m sure you’re a persistent little pest. you’d sneak your way into his life, just by being there, texting him, talking about him. soon enough you’d infested his mind as well, suddenly he’d find himself thinking of you when he least expects it.

one day he was on the pitch, just a practice game, but you were in the stands watching him. throughout your friendship you’ve done this quite a few times, so he has no reason to pay much mind to your presence in the middle of the match. today was different though, you were up close, eyes beaming at him in the center field, hands at the side of your head clutched together in a little cheer. he hadn’t done anything yet, the match just started, what were you even cheering for? it was cute, he decided. that’s why it broke his focus long enough for the other team to score. actually, it was adorable. so adorable it tugged the corners of his lips upward slightly, which he quickly moved to cover with his hand. he just threw a match and he was smiling? what were you doing to him?

after some time of thinking you might be employing psychological warfare against him, Rin decided it was time to really sit down and confront his feelings. he’d go a few days, maybe even a week or more without speaking to you. don’t worry, he was thinking about hardly anything but you the entire time.

“Sorry for ghosting you, I just needed to think about some things. It made me a little sad to be away from you too. I hate you a lot less than I hate everyone else, you know? Don’t get cocky about that. Also, don’t leave me ok? I’ll be nicer, yeah sure. Maybe I can walk you home…or something. Here, let’s hold hands.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Sae Itoshi ‹𝟹

he’s way more flustered about it than you might think. he’s not embarrassed or nervous necessarily, he just hasn’t expected to feel this way about anyone. similar to kaiser, sae thinks he’s the only person who could truly love and appreciate you as much as you deserve. this typically stoic and selfish man finds himself smiling in your presence and wanting to give you everything you want and more.

your relationship until this point has been uhh… “transactional” we’ll say. the two of you liked going out and hanging out together, but no feelings attached. a few kisses were shared here and there, he’d take you back to his apartment to cuddle sometimes, but wouldn’t ever let you sleepover. eventually things started to get a little more *intense*. you did start staying over, a lot. so much so that you had a toothbrush on his bathroom sink and clothes in his closet. the first time he ever had the thought of being in love with you was when he realized his sheets always smelled like you now, and he wanted it to stay that way.

the fact that you were enough to turn his head, take over his thoughts, and make him fall in love with you feels like proof beyond the reasonable doubt that you are perfect.

“You can move in, if you want. I wouldn’t mind. We’re basically already dating, so I don’t see the point in denying it anymore. Yeah, I didn’t think it would go this far either. I like knowing you’re here at my place, with me and not with anyone else.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS

⊹₊⟡⋆ Oliver aiku ‹𝟹

“You know I love you, let’s stop pretending. Seriously, you could keep me on a tight leash if you really want. Promise, I’m not going anywhere, babe.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Kunigami Rensuke ‹𝟹

“I love you, I want you to know that. It’s ok if you don’t feel the same. I want to care for you and keep you safe, you mean so much to me, you don’t even know.”

i love this post so much, the nagi disclaimer i had to put, the strange onion analogy for rin, the flustered reo moment. also just isagi being here, the man that you are, Isagi Yoichi. i had so much fun making this - aria

divider - @enchanthings

[luvvyouforever]

Heyy,

I really love fics when George is together with y/n and they are at The Burrow and all thr Weasleys love them so muchh

the healing process - george weasley x reader <3

↳ george weasley is still healing, years after the wizarding war. his family just needs to give him the final push to begin his life.

↳ some angst but it is resolved, post hogwarts, wizarding war, fred is still dead i'm sorry, fluff.

↳ a/n: i'm sorry if this isn't exactly what you wanted but i had this idea and had to run with it!! it's got some happiness and some fluff but it deals with angsty things. i hope you enjoy!

harry potter's birthday was an entire event at the burrow. this time around, he was twenty-two and it had been four years since the wizarding war.

molly took it upon herself to throw a large party now that their lives had calmed down and rebuilding was coming to a close. she claimed that it would be nice to bring everyone together, to celebrate our hero, and catch up. harry reluctantly agreed and now, the burrow was filled with life, conversations, drinks, and dishes that the enchanted sink could barely keep up with.

outside, just off the lawn, a few people lingered. those that could barely take the loudness on the inside of the warm home. one such person was george weasley.

after the battle of hogwarts, george was incredibly sensitive to crowds and sounds. he didn't enjoy the unknown and the exciting anymore. he was cautious and planned every one of his moves. in his shop, he stayed to the top floor, eyeing everyone below him. he scanned their faces and committed them to memory.

he spent nights crying over fred, over the people he lost, over the memories he desperately clung on to. he was scared that all that was good from his life was gone. he had the store, sure, which was rapidly gaining popularity in a rebuilt wizarding world. but there was nobody to share it with.

"george!" molly's voice called from the open kitchen window. her head poked out comically and though tempted to hide himself, george looked to his mother with curiosity. "oh, there you are! hiding away, are we?"

"d'ya need something?" he asked.

"i could do without the attitude, you know?" she scolded george. her annoyed expression quickly turned to one of happiness at her next words. "someone is here and keeps asking about you! i think you should come and see!"

george felt his palms go clammy at the idea of going into that house with people he barely knew who were all too boisterous and rowdy.

molly recognized the look on his face and softened. "i'll tell everyone to quiet down. you can stay in the kitchen, dear."

george thought for a moment, wiped his hands on his pants, and nodded at his mother. he turned around to go to the front door and hesitantly, he turned the doorknob. immediately, the chaos inside diminished and george was thankful that everyone understood.

the crowd was gathered in the living room, forming a circle around someone who sat on the couch. he was all too curious about who this person may be. very suddenly, his questions were answered as a sweet voice rang out: "is that george?"

from the crowd rose george's best friend, second to fred, all throughout his time at hogwarts. y/n had met george and fred in their first year after she had helped them acquire ingredients for one of their very first potion experiments. it was a budding friendship at first which turned into an intense, unbreakable bond by their fourth year. fred and george were never without her. and she was never without one of them.

while fred easily made friends with other people in their house, george had more trouble. which is why he always gravitated to y/n's presence, electing to stay by her side, eat with her, or be partners in their class. sure, all three of them were friends, but there was something more about george and y/n that both of them were too scared to act on.

when they graduated, y/n wasted no time in joining the weasley wizard wheezes crew and made employee of the month multiple times (all thanks to george). however, the war began and when it ended, mcgonagall declared y/n an emissary and for the past four years, she traveled the world, visiting schools and wizarding communities as a representative.

y/n loved what she did, there was no doubt there, but it hurt her tremendously to leave her life, her family, and george. she couldn't say no to mcgonagall and george understood but on their final night together, y/n placed the most softest of kisses on george's lips which, if he thought hard enough, he could remember the feeling.

and there she was now, in front of him. his heart was beating so fast, he was sure she could hear it all the way across from him. "y/n?" he dared to speak. it came out in more of a squeak but she smiled anyway and walked toward him confidently.

her arms wrapped around his middle tightly and he accepted the tightness she offered. "i missed you so much," she mumbled into his chest. the entire burrow seemed to be happy with her presence. molly had always loved y/n like her own daughter. ginny confided in her. ron asked her for girl advice. charlie introduced her to his favorite dragon and she met up with bill while in africa. percy tolerated her which was enough.

gently, she pulled back from george's embrace and led him to the kitchen. there, they both sat down at the dining table, legs brushing up against each other. y/n had grown much more than the last time he had seen her. her skin had tanned and there were some added wrinkles on her forehead and around her lips. her eyes held something enchanting, like they were filled with the sights and knowledge she gained throughout her travels. george's world felt just a little lighter while staring at her.

"h-how was your trip?" george asked.

"trip isn't the word for it! i went to ilvermorny and met some of their professors and i got to meet some members of their magical congress. i spent a lot of time in france with the beauxbatons. bill introduced me to the other cursebreakers and showed me all the magical artifacts he's found," she rambled. "it was a lot of fun, george, but i really missed being here. being with you. i'm sorry i had to leave."

quickly, george jumped to assuage her worries. "no! no, don't apologize! you had to go and i wanted you to. i've been fine! the store's been great, really. but i did miss you. a lot."

y/n's eyes softened. "i've missed you too, georgie. so much. but i'm back now! i did my work and now i want to come back and help you with the store. if you'll have me."

in that moment, george would have surely said yes to anything she said. having someone to share the store with was all he had wanted for the past four years. his chest felt like a weight had been lifted off of it. there was still some pain in the back of his heart and flashes of fred came into his mind.

y/n must have recognized the flashes of pain that went across his eyes. "i know it's not the same but i want to help you heal as much as i can, george. i'm here now."

he looked up at her through his long eyelashes. her smile was genuine, wistful, and meant a lot to him.

"i would love for you to come back with me, y/n," he said. his hand wound around hers and she squeezed his comfortably. slowly, she rose up and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek but at the last second, he turned his head and their lips met again.

she giggled and he reveled in the sound. "just as mischievous as you've always been, georgie."

up the stairs, looking through the bannister, was molly weasley admiring the scene before her. a strongly worded letter to mcgonagall asking to bring y/n home was all she needed.

[beaconfeels]

"I cannot make speeches...If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me." --Jane Austen in Emma

Stiles awoke with a yell, his heart pounding in his chest. The room was dark, and it took him a bit to orient himself. That’s right. He’d fallen asleep on the couch at Derek and Peter’s apartment. 

The dream was still present with him, overlaying reality enough to make it hard to slow his heart, to unclench his fists from the blanket someone had apparently put over him while he slept. 

He heard rustling from the hall and a murmur of voices that made him snap his head toward the noise, heart picking up again. 

Then he registered the words, “Go back to bed, I’ve got him,” and his brain finally caught up to the fact that he’d simply woken up the whole house with his middle of the night terror. 

Someone came into the room then, and Stiles was apologizing before he even recognized who it was. “I’m so sorry. I’m fine now. You can go back to sleep.” 

It was Peter who knelt beside him, Stiles’s eyes adjusting enough to make out his face, and the one raised eyebrow he gave as he reached over to uncurl Stiles’s hands from the edge of the blanket. He hadn’t even realized he was still hanging on for dear life, as if the blanket could somehow shield him from anything that was coming. 

“I’m okay,” Stiles whispered, because despite his racing heart and the vivid images still splashed across his brain from his nightmare, he was objectively alright. Nobody would really be hurt if he spent the rest of the night alone trying and failing to fall asleep again. 

“Come on,” Peter said, holding out his hand. 

Stiles took it without protest. He’d learned that Peter was every bit as stubborn as he was, and while he sometimes enjoyed their arguments, he was too tired to push up against the brick wall of Peter’s resolve just now. 

Peter led him to his bedroom, and Stiles wished there was a light on so he could see it better. Despite how close they’d gotten over the past years, he’d yet to see it fully.  Peter’s bedroom was sacrosanct. Even Stiles and his endless curiosity knew it. It was the only part of the apartment he hadn’t poked his nose into every corner of. He’d glimpsed bits of it when Peter came in and out—rich wood, a king sized bed with dark linens, gray walls—but nothing significant. 

“You’ll see it in the morning,” Peter said, humor in his voice. He read Stiles’s mind accurately far too often. 

Peter pulled him into the bed with him, and tugged him right into the curve of his body, like this was something they did all the time. 

The shock of being brought into Peter’s bed and Peter’s arms seemed to have swept away a lot of the residue from his bad dream, but now his heart was racing for a different reason. 

“Shhh,” Peter soothed. He wrapped his hand around the back of Stiles’s neck and pulled him closer still, until Stiles wrapped his arms around him and pressed his nose into the crook of his neck. 

He breathed in Peter’s scent: warm sleepy skin, a lingering of the light, woodsy cologne he wore, and that undefinable smell that was just the Hale family scent, one that had begun to smell like home to Stiles. 

Peter’s hand rubbed in soothing strokes up and down his back, and Stiles let himself relax into it. 

He didn’t let himself think about Peter much outside of annoyance or friendship or any other platonic feelings Peter had managed to raise in him on any given day. He’d slammed the door shut on anything that spoke of love, or even a crush. He’d had enough unrequited love in his lifetime. 

Yet here in the dark, wrapped up in Peter’s arms, his longing slammed into him like a freight train. It left him in fragments of ache and want and hurt and please. 

He clung to Peter and he squeezed his lips together because none of this could come out. He wouldn’t let it ruin what little bit of peace he’d managed to carve out. 

Then Peter was pulling back and Stiles used every bit of willpower he had not to whimper. 

Peter’s voice was low but urgent. “What’s wrong?” 

He furrowed his brow. Had Peter smelled something of his emotions? But then Peter swiped his thumb across Stiles’s cheekbone, and he realized he was crying. 

“Baby, what is it? Is it the nightmare?” 

Stiles let out a hitching breath at the endearment, the ache blossoming behind his sternum. “I just want this so much,” he whispered, as if the darkness would swallow it up for him, let him say it without consequences. 

Of course the darkness did no such thing, and in any case he was dealing with someone with super hearing. It was a futile hope. 

“What is it that you want?” Peter asked. 

“You. This. Falling asleep beside you. Waking up beside you. Arguing with you,” he was still whispering, still pretending it couldn’t blow up in his face. 

Peter did not whisper. He flopped on his back and covered his face with his hand and said vehemently, “Thank fuck. Finally.” 

Stiles’s mouth dropped open. “What?” 

“Sweetheart, I’ve been trying to woo you since the moment I met you. I was about to give up.” 

“What?” Stiles said again, feeling remarkably stupid even as his heart fluttered. 

Peter laughed, and it sounded incredulous. “I flirt with you constantly, I compliment you and defend you, I’ve eaten—and paid for—more meals with you at that insufferable diner you love so much more than I’ve eaten anywhere else in this town. I keep you and your dad stocked in meat and fresh vegetables from the farmer’s market. I bought you your last laptop! I’ve never had to work so hard for anyone in my life.” He laughed again, pulling at his own hair like he maybe wanted to tear it up by the roots. 

Stiles’s cheeks heated because yeah, it did seem incredibly obvious in retrospect. “Sorry?” He said, grimacing. 

Peter rolled back to his side, cupped Stiles’s cheek with his hand. “Don’t be sorry,” he said, voice gone soft and tender, “I loved every second of it.”  

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“You should probably kiss me now,” Stiles said. 

“I’ve done all the work so far,” Peter countered, “maybe you should kiss me first.” 

That seemed fair enough. Stiles nudged Peter until he rolled onto his back, and then he laid half on top of him, propping himself up on one elbow so he could really get a good look at him. He leaned forward and kissed Peter gently on the cheek. “You’re everything to me,” he said. 

Peter looked away, like Stiles being soft with him was almost more than he could take. “Stiles,” he said, and his voice sounded rough and a little desperate. 

“I’m going to make you so happy,” Stiles promised, then added, “I mean, I’m going to keep making you insane too because that’s, like, a core part of our dynamic, but you’re going to be happy about that too.”  

“I know,” Peter said. He smiled, and it was genuine and beautiful and kind of made it hard to breathe. 

Stiles cradled Peter’s head with his hand, and then he kissed him. Slow and sweet, and then hard and passionate and then slow and sweet again. 

He was going to have to create a new file system just to store Peter’s little moans and intakes of breath and the way his hands wouldn’t stop roaming all over Stiles’s body. 

Hours later, he lay with his head on Peter’s chest and Peter said, “I love you,” like it was a simple fact. Like it wasn’t too soon, or complicated at all. 

Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe this would be the one thing that got to be easy for them. For once in his life he decided to be an optimist. 

[vixentheplanet]

heartbeat

“everything about you is speeding up my heartbeat.”

shuri x black!reader | 18+

Summary: You live a privileged life of luxury as the heiress of Esme Hotel. The majority of your time was spent partying and drinking all over the world. One night, at your father's request, you find yourself at a charity event where you meet the Queen of Wakanda. Your friendship was instant, but the love was unexpected.

Love was not a feeling you were familiar with, but as time passed, you realized you were in love with Shuri. Shuri meant too much to you to risk losing her by telling her this, but you weren't doing a good job of dealing with your new emotions.

word count: 5.4k

themes: heiress reader, falling in love because love is beautiful

warnings: excessive drinking, some drug use (y/n is a rich party girl having the time of her life), and insecurities.

hi- my first post lmaoooooooo i was going to add versace on the floor to this at the end BUT i can’t find the document ����🫨

Life is a funny thing. 

If somebody had told you six months ago you would be meeting the love of your life, you probably would have laughed in their face. As the heiress to Esmé Hotel’s, a global luxury hotel and resort business, you weren’t interested in settling down because, in this life, it was hard to find genuine connections with people. Of course, you didn’t have a hard time making friends. People clung to you everywhere you went. That was your life, money, glamor, parties, and disingenuous people. For you, it wasn’t that bad.

Love was the last thing on your mind, but again life is funny. 

Tonight you returned to New York City from Ibiza; it was your best friend's birthday, and one day wasn't enough to celebrate her. You and a group of "friends" flew out to the Balearic island and spent a week fueled by drugs and alcohol with little sleep and many bad decisions, but you couldn't remember them to regret them. The fun ended when your father called to say he was sending the private jet to take you back to New York. 

Pepper Potts, the CEO of Stark Industries, was hosting a charity event in the ballroom of one of the Esme Hotels, and your father asked you to attend in his place because he couldn't. The company was auctioning an all-inclusive trip to any Esme resort in the United States. Usually, your brother would fill in for him, but they were both in Monaco on business, leaving you as the only option.

You opted for a piece from the Zuhair Murad Couture 2023 collection, a stunning pink sequined midi dress paired with a matching floor-length scarf. Your pink Giuseppe Zanotti Iride crystal sandals went perfectly with the dress. When walking the red carpet, you smiled and posed, trying to make it not appear as you’d rather be anywhere but here. You got through without any problems, and as soon as you entered the ballroom, you went straight to the bar. Was there anything else you were supposed to do? Mingle? Network? You didn't need any of that and intended to leave after making arrangements with the auction winner.

Of course, the staff knew exactly who you were upon your arrival, and the bartender quickly came over. “Marco, the usual, please.” Within seconds a French martini was in front of you. “Thank you, I’ll need another one in about five minutes.” You say, sipping the martini and scanning the crowd. 

There were many people here, some of whom you recognized as reputable business professionals in their respective industries, some celebrities, and government officials. Most were just nameless faces. If they weren’t in the tabloids or someone your father had introduced you to, there was no way of you knowing them. 

Suddenly, a man in an awful powdered blue suit approaches you and leans on the bar. "Hello, sweetheart. I'm surprised to see you here. Where is dear old dad?” 

This man, whoever he is, was a stranger to you, but he clearly knows you. As much as you wanted to tell him to fuck off, you were here to represent Esme in place of your father and didn't want to make a PR nightmare or accidentally upset a valued shareholder.

You flash your perfect fake smile before replying, “My father couldn’t make it. He’s stuck in Monaco overseeing the construction site for a new hotel.” 

“So I guess you’re being auctioned off?” He jokes. He's too preoccupied with the drinks to see the look of utter disgust on your face.

“Excuse me?” You say, completely appalled. If this person is someone your father knew and trusted, he would never dare to treat you so rudely and endanger the future of their business relationship.

This asshole has the nerve to seem surprised that you didn't appreciate his compliment. “Oh, come on. I’d pay top dollar to hit that.” He makes a humorous sound, and before you can react, someone else chimes in.

“That’s rather disrespectful, don’t you think?” In front of you is a figure you've only seen on television while news commentators discussed whether the world needed access to vibranium. You may have changed the channel repeatedly, but forgetting such a striking face was difficult. The Queen of Wakanda was stunning in a sparkling black jumpsuit, accompanied by two Dora Milaje warriors who stared down the man who had insulted you.

Who would have guessed Queen Shuri would be coming to your rescue? “You see a beautiful woman and lose your manners?” Her expression is fierce, and her gaze is harsh. Unable to answer her questions, the stranger stood there with eyes so wide you thought they could pop out of his head.

You smirk, taking a sip of your martini. Not so talkative now, asshole.

Her next words were a demand, not a request. “Apologize.” 

He turns to face you, and you can’t help but smirk with satisfaction, waiting. “I-I- I’m sorry,” the man stutters and is smart enough to walk away quickly.  

Once the man is out of view, Queen Shuri focuses on you. You place your drink on the bar and try to think of the proper way to greet royalty. You definitely can’t bow in this dress. You settle on a slight curtsy. “Thank you, I would bow, but this dress is too tight.” You explain. 

The Queen laughed and flashed a smile at you, "There is no need to bow, and I must say it is a very exquisite dress." 

You feel your cheeks warm. That must be the alcohol. “Finally, a normal complement,” you say playfully in light of the incident that had just transpired. “The jumpsuit is gorgeous. I’m Y/N Esmé,” you say, holding your hand out. 

She takes your hand in a firm grip and shakes. “You wouldn’t happen to have any relation to the golden Esmé hanging outside the venue?” She questions, raising an eyebrow. 

“That would be correct. Just the Heiress, nothing too exciting.” 

“Nothing too exciting,” She mocks. “An heiress and great sense of humor.” 

You prepare to respond when Pepper appears, looking a little frazzled, most likely running around to greet and show her face to guests. “Hi, Y/N. Thank you so much for coming.” She gives you a quick hug. 

“Do you mind if I steal the Queen away?” She asks. It was a question, but it was just for pleasantries. 

A little, you thought, but responded, “Not at all. It was a pleasure to meet you.” You tell Shuri, and she nods. “You as well,” and like that, she leaves as quickly as she had come, and tonight just got a little more interesting.

During the auction, you bid on a gold Steinway & Sons grand piano and paid $150,000. You thought it would look good in the lobby, and the money would go to a good cause. It turns out that you weren't the only one who felt generous. To your surprise, the top bidder for the vacation at an Esme Resort was the Queen of Wakanda herself, who bid $500,000. It was relatively high, given that the prize was only worth half the amount.

Later, you track down Shuri to find out where you should deliver the information for the trip. "That will not be necessary. I don't usually travel for pleasure." She explains, leaving you perplexed as to why she paid such a high price for a vacation she did not intend to take.

Your eyebrows raise. “Why did you bid on a vacation you have no interest in taking?” 

“It’s for charity. Besides, Money is no object.” 

Charming. You appreciated the way this woman was endearing and bold. Nothing like the dull, self-absorbed people you knew. An idea came to mind. “Follow me,” You say, bringing Shuri to the bar again. 

You lean over once you reach the hightop, getting the bartender's attention. 

“Marco, a pen, please.” The man behind the bar responds quickly, "Absolutely, madame," before scurrying to fulfill your request. He returned with a gold pen, the one given to the guest, and you grabbed a napkin writing down the digits of your number. 

“Here,” you said, holding the napkin out to Shuri. The Dora Milaje member accompanying her eyed it with suspicion. A business card would have been more appropriate, but the only card you carried was black with no spending limit. This napkin was the next best thing, “If you’re ever in New York and need a place to stay or a friend, text me.” 

That was the start of a meaningful friendship. Six months had passed since the Stark Industries event, and you and Shuri became inseparable. You spent time together whenever she was in New York, sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for a few days. You took her to several restaurants, art studios, and museums. The Dora Milaje was just a little behind, but it felt like it was only you two in the universe. If Shuri visited for a lengthy period of time, she'd book rooms at the Esmé and frequently find her way onto your couch, where you forced her to watch almost every reality TV show known to man. She had a lot of catching up to do.

Those moments were when you were genuinely alone and often held deeper conversations in the safety of your living room and each other's company. She told you about her father's death, her brother's death, and the tragedy that took her lone surviving family member. All of this led to her bearing the weight of the crown and becoming Wakanda's defender. You recall hearing the events on the news, and a small irrational part of you feels guilty you couldn't be there for Shuri, even though you didn't know each other at the time.

You tell her about your upbringing. How your father was never present, preoccupied with working for his father and one day taking over the family legacy. Your mother had been a free spirit who had turned into a stay-at-home mom; she had your brother and then you seven years later. Having suffered from postpartum depression in addition to a long-standing sense of being trapped and ignored, she simply left.

Your Family was a difficult topic for you; life wasn't all sparkle and glamor. Since losing a loved one caused you so much distress, you realized you probably suffered from abandonment issues. The "friends" you'd gained stuck with you because they benefited from being affiliated with you. You knew those people didn't care about you as a person, and you were okay with it because it prevented anyone from getting close to you.

It was something you never opened up to anyone about because, truth be told, you never formed a connection deep enough with someone to open up the way you did with Shuri.

You're not sure when these feelings blossomed into love, but it hit you one day while you sat in the Esmé's empty Luxury Cinema. When you mentioned your favorite movie to Shuri, she said she'd never seen it, so you dragged her to the hotel's theater. Your living room's flatscreen wasn't big enough for a first-time movie experience. As Shuri watched Shrek, the two of you enjoyed an assortment of concession snacks.

Even though it was your favorite, it was difficult to concentrate on the film with Shuri's infectious laughter next to you. Shuri's laugh unexpectedly became your favorite sound in the world. She laughed at the TV every time someone said something witty. She chuckled at your jokes, even if they weren't particularly amusing. Always full of positive energy. 

In her company, you felt safe and valued. You couldn't stop thinking about her when you were apart, which was regrettably a lot. The time until you could see her again was something you counted down in minutes or perhaps even seconds when she left.

You were awed by every aspect of her. Her brilliance, heroism, strength, and bravery. It was that moment when her eyes lit up as she watched Lord Farquaad interrogate the Gingerbread man when you realize you love her.

Shuri was in town for a UN meeting on Thursday night; ordinarily, she'd let you know when she'd be in town so you could plan something together, but she didn't. You got a text an hour ago wondering whether you'd be home because Shuri was planning on dropping by before returning to Wakanda. It hurt a little to know she was here but didn't inform you. Did she start to get bored with your company? 

You cut those thoughts out before texting back. You'd be home waiting. 

She made it to your penthouse and was currently lounging on your couch watching a rerun of Real Housewives. Shuri pretended she didn't like the show, but you both knew it was her favorite way to spend quality time together.

Unlike the other instances, it was quiet and tense, but you knew it was your fault. Even though Shuri decided to come over, you couldn't figure out why she wouldn't tell you she was in town. You video-chatted and texted frequently, but you only had so much time together in person. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” You asked. The question sat heavy in your mind, so you finally decided to ask. 

“Is that why you’re being all grumpy?” She accused, poking you with a socked toe. 

You reached over to swat her foot, “Don’t call me grumpy. You should have told me.” You hated how needy you sounded.

“I got so caught up in my lab I honestly forgot about it,” Shuri admits. “It was very last minute. Also, I figured you wouldn’t be here.”

Your sensible thinking takes over, and you can only say "Oh" as you realize how silly you are behaving. It made you feel a little ashamed for some reason. Even though this was your home, you were never there. 

There had been enough late hours and shared stories for you two to know enough about one other's lifestyles. Shuri had been thrown into the role of Queen at such a young age and held immense responsibilities. On the other hand, you are a well-known socialite whose late-night antics frequently trend on social media. That way of life wasn't as appealing as it once was. Knowing what Shuri went through and her bravery and resilience made you want to be better than you were.

That's why you've been attempting to reconnect with your father nowadays. As you grew older, your father realized how careless he had been during your childhood and constantly made attempts to connect, which you rejected. 

“Actually, I was in Monaco with my dad.” The construction of the Esmé resort in Monaco was going well, and your father had asked if you wanted to visit the site. In the past, you would say no you probably would’ve been busy, but your free time had opened up a lot more since you weren’t going out too often. It didn’t attract you as much anymore. 

“That’s wonderful, Y/N.” she was genuinely happy to hear that, knowing how strained the relationship was with your dad. 

“Yeah, it was nice, but I need another vacation.” You groan, throwing your head back on the edge of the sofa. 

“You could always come to Wakanda,” Shuri says casually, just like your head snaps. “I would love to show you my nation. I trust you.” She adds. 

“Stop joking,” you say, trying to laugh it off and pretend those words don’t have your brain removing all the knowledge you’ve accumulated in your years on earth to ensure you never forget this moment. 

Shuri doesn’t know how much her words affect you. You’re in love with her but could never tell her that. It wouldn’t work. For once in your life, you were the one in lack. Truthfully you had nothing to offer. You hated it. 

“Y/N,” She calls out to you, but you’re not listening. The television remote has become more interesting than this conversation as you try to bring your focus away from the woman of your dreams sitting suddenly too close for you to breathe. 

Shuri sits up slightly and reaches for the remote, stealing your attention from her. Sometimes, she seemed to have forgotten her strength. Instead of taking the remote from your grasp, you find yourself being tugged forward. The unexpected shock throws you off balance and causes you to tumble sideways. Shuri reacts immediately, pulling you back with one hand and securing the other around your waist to keep you upright.

That’s how you end up on her lap, looking down at her as she says, “I trust you,” again—staring directly into your eyes so you can see the honesty swimming through hers. Your heartbeat quickens as you struggle to comprehend what has just occurred. She holds you close, your hair falling in her face, and you laugh because that’s what you do best when things are too much.

You move the hair out of your face so you can see her clearly, “Shuri-” The sentence gets caught in your throat. While the romantic feelings were there, the sexual ones were there too. There have been too many occasions when you've woken up from a vivid dream and found it hard to believe her hands hadn't been coaxing some of the most intimate sounds out of you.

The way she looked under you. 

Your resolve was breaking.  

Her eyes flicker down and then back up. Your delusional mind starts to take over, imagining what it would be like to have her lips on yours. You wanted that so bad, if only you dared to lean down. There was stopping you from crossing that line, and it was dangerous. 

As if sensing you were going to fail its test, the universe takes mercy on you. 

Shuri’s kimono beads begin to ring, interrupting the moment between the two of you. You quickly move from off her, the skin on your face feeling warm as you take in the fact that you just had Shuri right underneath you, her hands holding tightly to keep you stable. You tried to move your thoughts elsewhere, not letting them get too carried away. 

A holographic depiction of General Ayo appeared. “Panther, we’re prepared to head back to Wakanda.”

Panther. Why was that so sexy? 

The Wakandan Queen is a little out of it, blinking a few times as she takes in the message. “Enkosi Ayo, I’ll be out soon.” Ayo salutes, and the hologram disappears. Wakanda’s technological advances always leave you amazed. 

Shuri looks apologetic. “I’m sorry, I must go.” She stands up and moves to retrieve her jacket from the coat closet. You needed distance from each other to prevent any uneasiness from developing.

“Better hurry, don’t keep Ayo waiting. She'll know it was my fault.” You tried to lighten the tension from the moment you’d just shared. 

“Ah, please, Ayo adores you.” She puts on her jacket and shoes before turning to you. “Don’t watch any more Real Housewives without me. I want to pick up where we left off once I return.” She says. You have to stop yourself from saying you can pick up exactly where you left off now, not talking about the show. 

“You got it,” You tell her as you both step into the foyer. It's always difficult to say goodbye to Shuri because all you can think about while she's gone is how much you miss her. For a split second, you think she'll say something else. She'd hold you close and tell you she's staying if you had your way.

Shuri's gaze lingers on you for a second, and you swear it's quiet enough for her to hear the rapid rhythm of your heartbeat. “Goodnight, Y/N.” She hugs you, and just like that, Shuri’s gone. 

You were in a daze from the event that transpired minutes ago. Your cheeks were still hot, and you felt as if you were suffocating. Your anxiety kicked in as you were left alone in such an empty space. 

Although you had never experienced love before, you did not doubt that you were head over heels for Shuri. She cared for you on a human level and treated you as such. You couldn't think about anyone else but Shuri. You recognize your vulnerability, but it's hard to be apart from the one you love, even if they don't realize it. But, keeping your emotions in check was becoming increasingly difficult, and today proved that.

You were used to people wanting something from you when they came into your life. To go on lavish vacations on your dime, to be seen with you, and to improve their reputation. It didn't disturb you that you were surrounded by those who did nothing but take from you because, well, they were still there. Being alone has never worked for you.

You groaned dramatically, throwing yourself onto your bed. There was no doubt in your mind it would never work out. Shuri was too sophisticated and well-established, and yes, you were an heiress, but what did that mean to the Queen of the most advanced nation on Earth? Nothing. 

It was all so overwhelming. Something had to give; you needed to find a way to get these thoughts out of your head before they jeopardized your friendship with Shuri. You took out your phone and contacted a couple of your friends to ask if they had plans for tonight, and your friend Amaya texted you the information about an event starting at ten o'clock at one of her mothers' VIP clubs. Hanging out with Amaya was always fun and guaranteed a night of dancing, drinking, and getting high. You didn't want to feel anything, so you’d do whatever to numb your thoughts.

Deciding on an outfit was tricky, but you eventually decide to go with the green Attico Magnolia sequined mesh midi dress, pairing it with crystal sliver Rene Caovilla sandals. An SUV awaited you outside the hotel, and you were on your way. The night flew by, and as soon as you found Amaya, she handed you three shots and half a pill, and you shoved it down your throat. That was all you could recall distinctly as the night progressed; after seven drinks, you lost track and swallowed the other popper. You had a lot of fun on the dance floor but left when the talk became too suggestive. Why would you go home with someone other than Shuri? You need another drink.

The drinking and dancing cycle continued until 3 a.m. when your feet ached, and you needed to get into bed. The SUV returned you to the hotel, and security ensured you arrived securely at your penthouse.

You were back on your own, without a sense of direction, but you did know one thing: you missed Shuri. You want to see her, kiss her, and adore her. You reached for your phone and dialed her number without thinking. You placed your phone on the bed and stared at the ceiling, waiting for her to speak, but she never did.

I’ll leave a voicemail.

With the chemicals disrupting your mental state, you allow your emotions to take over completely. "Shuri, you are the most incredible person I've ever met... and I'll never meet somebody half as beautiful as you." Your words are slurred but honest.

“I need you to come back right now. I love you. I can’t not love you. I can’t lie, I can’t pretend, and I don’t want to. I love you. You’re all I want so much it hurts.” That is the last thing that left your lips before you inevitably drifted into sleep. 

When you woke up, the pounding in your brain was merciless. You have no idea how you got into your bed while still fully dressed down to your shoes. Fortunately, there was an Excedrin and a water bottle on the bedside table, thanks to your security guard. You take the pill with water before changing your clothing and preparing for a day of movies and takeout. There was no way you were getting out of this bed today.

You enter your walk-in closet, pull off your dress, and change into a ridiculous I LOVE NY tank top that Shuri had given you as a joke. You didn't bother putting on bottoms, it was your home, and you could go around in your underwear if you wanted to. You entered the bathroom through a door that connected to the closet.

Using the claw clip that was lying around, you clipped your hair. You brushed your teeth and reached for your face wash. The corded phone in your bedroom rings as you turn for the sink, the sound loud and piercing. Groaning, you return to the bedroom, assuming it's someone from the front desk.

Nothing could have prepared you for the appearance of a figure inside your room. Your brain recognizes the person before you as you open your mouth to scream. You believed you were hallucinating for a split second. 

“Jesus fuck, Shuri! What the hell!” You scream, grasping your chest, relieved you weren't abducted, but your heart is pounding.

The phone was still ringing. You moved past Shuri to answer it. Startled, hungover, and annoyed, what a morning you thought. 

“What?” You yell into the receiver, instantly regretting your tone as the person on the other line stutters out, “Madam Esmé, you have a guest coming up. I apologize we could not reach you on your personal cellular device.” 

The visitor must have been Shuri. Why had she returned? You looked at her curiously, trying to figure out what was happening. Last night you sent her off back to Wakanda; not even 24 hours went by, and she’s back leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and jaw tight. “Uh, sorry. I see that, thank you.” You hang up the phone and turn to Shuri, but keep your distance. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but you scared the shit out of me. Why are you back so soon?” 

“You.” Your body tensed at her tone. 

“Me?” 

“You weren’t answering your phone. I called you multiple times. Do you know how worried I was?” Your heart sinks. Did something happen? Had she needed you, and you weren’t there? You couldn’t even remember where your phone was. 

"Oh my God, I'm such an idiot, Shuri. I must have left my phone." This isn't the first time you've misplaced your phone after a night out. You felt slightly embarrassed about being questioned about your whereabouts last night while wearing only your underwear. Even more, you felt horrible that you worried Shuri so much that she had to travel here to check on you. 

Shuri’s voice pulls you from your thoughts. “Y/N, what do you remember from last night?” She asks, changing the subject, even though you were clearly a little discombobulated. 

“Well,” you rub your temples while trying to recount the events. “I went out to a club in Manhattan, lots of shots, a few pills, and everything else doesn’t matter. I'm home.” Blacking out didn't bother you as long as you weren’t hurt or dead. 

The room was silent. “You called me.” 

The words make your blood run cold, “Oh,” is all you can say. What could have been important enough for you to drunk dial Shuri? 

“Oh.” You repeated as the hazy memories returned. With Shuri in front of you, attempting to restore your recollection of last night, the puzzle pieces begin to fall into place.

I need you to come back right now. 

I love you.

I can’t not love you.

Ironic. You went out for temporary release from your feelings for Shuri and instead ended up confessing. If it weren't for the weight of the situation, you probably would have laughed. 

Thoughts race through your mind as you struggle to find a way to make this right. Denial was the best option. “Whatever…” you start but trail off to find your words. “Whatever it is I said, just forget it. It wasn't me talking. I shouldn’t have drank so much.” 

Shuri shook her head as soon as the words left your mouth, “Don’t insult my intelligence.” She says, narrowing her eyes. “That doesn’t make your words any less true.” 

“I want you to look me in my eyes and tell me, sober.”

“I would have told you if I was sober.” You snapped back. You don’t know why you were upset, but you felt like an idiot. The vulnerability was a nasty feeling, your heart was laid bare, and moments from being broken, you felt the need to defend yourself.

“Why?” Shuri asks with so much sincerity it breaks your heart. 

“Why?” You repeat back. “Because, you’re so good, too good even. I’m used to knowing what I bring to the table for people, money, fame, and popularity. You don’t need any of that. You don’t care for any of that. What could I possibly have to offer you?” Tears blurred your vision and collected at your lashes.

Shuri pushes from the wall, her eyes filled with fire as she approaches you. "Stop doing that." Her order stops you from speaking as she carefully lifts her tattooed hand to your face, forcing you to look at her. "You have this awful habit of shutting down and shutting me out or speaking negatively about yourself."

She continues. “There’s so much depth to you, yet you hold yourself back from what you deserve.” 

Your heart flutters. That is the reason you adore her. She was a steadying presence, reminding you of your worth and letting you know that the world only sees a fragment of who you are. You allowed her in because you always knew you were safe in her care.

You felt secure enough to begin speaking about what you'd been holding back for so long. It wasn't a secret any longer. Shuri knew you loved her and deserved better than a drunken late-night phone call.

Fuck it. 

“I love you,” you confess. “You make me feel so cared for and protected and safe. I don’t know how to handle this. It's all new to me. You don’t have to feel the same way, but.”

You sigh to catch your breath. “I love you. And I don’t want to lose you.” 

Her thumb moves to caress the side of your face. “I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t feel the same way.”

“As soon as I heard those drunken words of the woman I love telling me she’s in love with me, I returned to her as fast as possible. I needed to see her beautiful face light up when I told her she’s everything to me.”

The relief you feel hearing those words brings more tears to your eyes. “You love me?” 

Shuri brought her free hand to your waist, embracing you as she whispered, “So much, angel.”

You stare at her, overwhelmed by the adoration you find behind those beautiful brown eyes. She loves you. She loves you and came from Wakanda to confess. 

Before your brain can process what's happening, you rush forward, putting your lips to Shuri's. It’s just a soft press at first. You melted into Shuri because you could now – relief swimming through your veins as you nipped at her bottom lip. 

All you can think is how right it feels to kiss her, to be in her arms. Cliché enough, this is what life is all about. Love, being loved, being in love. Letting go and diving into it, you feel weightless. 

The kiss grows intense as Shuri leans in further. When she kisses you, it's like she's starving. Shuri pressed her way back in, kissing you with a desire that pulled the oxygen from your lungs. You're so desperate that you moan against Shuri's lips as she opens her mouth and passionately kisses you back.

“I had all my meetings pushed back. Unless there's an imminent danger, I’m all yours,” Shuri informs you. You like the sound of that. Shuri lifts you instinctively as you wrap your arms around her neck. You lock your ankles around her waist, gathering her closer and closer, wrapped up in each other. 

You pulled your lips apart to move lower, leaving a trail of kisses from her jawline down to the tattoo on the side of her neck. "Good, 'cause everything I want to do involves you in that bed." You motion to the bed beside you.

As you fall into satin sheets, you cling to her and won't let go. Now that she's yours, nothing could ever come between the two of you.

[rosyrosethings]

Y/n returns after missing

This story is a rewrite/edit. I posted this story a while ago. But I'm doing over my master list. So i rewrote this. It inspired by the tv show manifest which is a about a plan that goes missing and they return a few years later

Four years had slipped away since the passengers aboard flight N-47 vanished into thin air, presumed to have tragically succumbed to some unfathomable fate. Yet, in a twist befitting a miracle, three souls previously lost had reemerged. Y/n Y/L/N, James Carter, and Sus-... The screen went blank as she snapped off the TV, cutting the newscaster off mid-sentence. For Y/n, those four years encapsulated an epoch of isolation, an overwhelming void where time seemed inconsequential. The world had marched on, relentless and indifferent, leaving behind a cascade of changes she could scarcely begin to absorb.

Memories of her life before the ill-fated flight were vivid and achingly sweet. She had been on the cusp of a new chapter, her dreams tangibly close. A blossoming fashion designer, Y/n was set to weave her creativity and passion into the very fabric of the industry. Her return from Rio was supposed to be a celebratory milestone, marking her transition into a life shared with Harry and the thrilling prospect of seeing her best friend Kendall, potentially the next supermodel sensation, flaunt her designs down the runway.

The reality she returned to, however, was starkly different. Expectations of a warm welcome, of falling back into the comfortable embrace of her old life with Harry, were shattered. Hours turned into an eternity at her mother’s house, each passing moment amplifying her confusion and heartache. Where was Harry? Why was he submerged in a new life where he was a solo artist, a far cry from the hiatus he'd taken from his band in 2015?

Trepidation gripped her heart, preventing her from delving too deep into the life Harry led now. The fear of discovering him entwined with someone else was paralyzing. With a resigned sigh, she closed her laptop, a barrier against the torrent of information that threatened to drown her.

“Y/N? Honey,” the gentle voice of her mother broke through her reverie. The joy in her eyes was unmistakable, yet it carried the weight of years filled with mourning a daughter lost. They had even held a funeral for her, Y/n realized with a start. The profound relief and elation of having her back were palpable in every hug, every tearful smile her mother gave her.

“Yes, mom?”

“Umm, someone is here to see you.”

***

Contrastingly, Harry's life had been a portrait of attempting to move on while being anchored in the past. His home, once a sanctuary of memories shared with Y/n, now housed his new relationship. Kendall, her head resting on his chest, was a constant presence, offering solace in a reality where Y/n existed only in echoes. She was 'Kenny' to him, a pillar during his darkest times, understanding the depth of losing Y/n as she, too, had lost a dear friend.

But the past clung to Harry with stubborn tendrils. His routine, for three long years, involved calling Y/n’s voicemail, a one-sided conversation where he'd spill the day's trivialities and monumental changes alike, seeking solace in the sound of her recorded voice. It wasn’t until the pain dulled into a quiet ache, and with Kenny’s unwavering support, that he ceased this ritual. Yet, he never truly let go, with monthly visits to Y/n's mother becoming a testament to his undying connection to her.

Their bond had been forged in the innocence of childhood, blossoming from neighborly acquaintances to an unbreakable union of soulmates. It was a love story initiated when two eight-year-olds found friendship and grew seamlessly into love as they reached sixteen. It was a story abruptly paused, until an unexpected phone call threatened to turn the page once again.

Harry’s phone shattered the comfortable silence, Mrs. Y/L/N’s number on display. Kendall, sensing the shift in the atmosphere, sat up, her own complex emotions swirling as she watched Harry answer the call.

“Yes, Mrs. Y/L/N, how are you?” Harry’s voice was cautious, unprepared for the emotional maelstrom the conversation would incite.

Kendall battled with her feelings, a mix of jealousy and self-reproach. She loved Harry, but standing in Y/n’s shadow was a constant reminder of what she lacked. She was never going to ignite in Harry the passionate love he held for Y/n. She was a balm, she realized, not the cure to his heartache.

“Harry.. she’s home. My baby is here, Harry. She came back to us.” The words, heavy with emotional gravity, froze Harry in place. Confusion, hope, and sheer disbelief warred within him.

“Okay, I’ll be there shortly, Mrs. Rose,” he managed, his mind racing.

“What is it, Harry? Who was it?” Kendall queried, apprehension lacing her words.

“Y/n’s mom...”

“Are we going to dinner with her tonight?” she attempted lightness, a stark contrast to the situation’s gravity.

“She’s alive, Kenny.”

The words hung in the air, a fragile truth that threatened to change everything. Once again, life’s unpredictable tide was pulling them in a direction they never anticipated. The lost was found, and with her return, the threads of their lives were irrevocably entwined once more.

**

Y/n felt the soft give of her childhood mattress beneath her as she rose, each muscle groaning, still remembering the harshness of the ground she'd slept on for years on the island. The air around her buzzed with a mixture of familiarity and foreignness, a sensation that had enveloped her since her return. She was home yet felt like a stranger in a place woven into the fabric of her earliest memories. Her room, though untouched, seemed to belong to another era, one before her life had fractured into a before and after.

Since her unexpected return, her home had turned into a pilgrimage site. Relatives she hadn’t seen in years, cousins whose names she struggled to remember, and a throng of others had paraded through the living room. She had hoped, with every knock, that she would see Harry’s face, hear his voice, touch his hand. But as hours turned into days, her hope waned.

Dragging herself to her feet, she moved through the hallway, each step echoing the pounding in her heart. Her feet, moving of their own accord, carried her towards the living room, the epicenter of the constant, suffocating stream of visitors.

And then, she saw him.

It was as if the world contracted in that moment, every sound, every color, every breath funneling into this singularity. Harry stood there, a portrait of the years gone by. His hair, shorter than she remembered, framed his face, and those green eyes, which had haunted her dreams, seemed to glow. Dressed in the simplest of clothes — black jeans and a white t-shirt — he was a sight for her sore eyes. He was her beacon during the darkest nights on the island, the memory of him, a silent prayer, a sacred chant that wove through the solitude of her survival.

For Harry, the sight of Y/n wasn't just a balm; it was a resurrection. She was here, alive and so achingly present that his heart faltered in its rhythm. The past years had been a cacophony of grief, confusion, and a numbness that seeped into his bones. And here she was, her skin glowing with a vitality that seemed impossible. He had always adored her skin, the richness of her complexion; it reminded him of the sweetest chocolates he'd ever tasted. He had spent years bolstering her against the world, against the harshness of critics and fans alike, reminding her of her beauty, her worth.

He was captivated by the woman before him, who had been tempered by survival, her spirit burnished but unbroken. How could it be that she stood before him even more breathtaking than he remembered? In that instant, Harry understood the depth of the void her absence had carved into his life. She wasn't just a missing piece; she was the very foundation that his reality had been built upon.

Without a word, he closed the distance between them, his arms enveloping her in a hug that felt like a collision of every unsaid word, every unshed tear, every unfulfilled longing of the past four years. His emotions breached the dam he had painstakingly built, tears wetting the crown of her head as he nestled his face there. "God, I've missed you so much," he breathed, his voice a hoarse whisper laden with every nuance of pain, relief, and overwhelming love he felt.

Y/n, ensconced in Harry's arms, felt a sense of returning. Here, in the circle of his arms, the world righted itself. His scent, the solidness of his chest, the timber of his voice — they were her lighthouse. "I never stopped thinking about you, not even for a moment," she confessed, her voice muffled against him.

Their reunion, however, was shadowed by an unspoken acknowledgment of the time lost and the reality that had marched on relentlessly in her absence. Y/n detected subtle shifts in him, intangible but unmistakable. As they sat on the couch, a chasm of unsaid words stretched between them. Harry's affectionate term, 'kitten,' once a playful endearment, now seemed to echo across a vast distance, a reminder of a shared past that was both their bridge and barrier.

Their conversation meandered, a tentative dance around the elephant in the room. Y/n's fatigue, both emotional and physical, soon became too cumbersome to carry. Her eyelids grew heavy, her body demanded respite. "I need to close my eyes, just for a little while," she whispered, her words a mix of exhaustion and a quiet plea for things to be simple again.

Harry, understanding her unvoiced request, smoothed her hair back, his touch a promise. "Rest, love. When you wake, we'll grab some lunch, maybe even see Kendall. It'll be like old times," he murmured, the ache in his voice belying the casualness of his words.

Y/n's smile, before she succumbed to sleep, was a fragile thing, a tentative hope. And as she drifted off, nestled against Harry, she clung to the sound of his heartbeat — a lullaby that spoke of shared pasts, present uncertainties, and the uncharted future that lay ahead of them.

**

Harry and Kendall sat in the subtle ambiance of the café, the murmur of conversations blending with the soft clinking of cutlery. The tension between them was palpable, like a silent storm brewing. Harry's fingers drummed nervously on the tabletop, betraying the calm facade he attempted to portray.

"Did you tell her?" Kendall's voice sliced through the tension, her agitation evident in the rhythmic tapping of her perfectly manicured nails against the wooden surface.

He hesitated, the truth weighing heavily on his chest. "No... I couldn't," Harry admitted, his voice barely above a whisper as he averted his gaze, finding sudden interest in the patterns of the wood grain. The confession felt like a betrayal, a stark deviation from the promise he made to himself about honesty.

Kendall's sigh was a mixture of frustration and understanding. "We can tell her together," she offered, extending her hand to provide solace. Her fingers were warm, a contrast to the cold dread filling his stomach.

As he intertwined his fingers with hers, seeking comfort in the touch, his eyes caught a familiar figure approaching. It was Y/n, a sight that made his heart leap into his throat. Instinctively, he retracted his hand from Kendall's, a subtle but unmistakable reaction.

Y/n's energy was like a breath of fresh air as she arrived. "Kenny!" she exclaimed with genuine affection, stretching her arms out for a heartfelt embrace. Kendall rose to return the gesture, her own emotions a complex web of happiness, relief, and an underlying sense of conflict she wasn't ready to face.

The warmth of their hug was short-lived for Kendall, overshadowed by a realization that Y/n's presence might change everything, including her own newly discovered hopes. As they separated, Y/n slid into the seat across from them, her presence filling the void but also reminding them of the intricate dynamics of their past.

"Harry, my mom told me what you did for her while I was...gone. I can't thank you enough," Y/n's voice held a mix of gratitude and sorrow, referencing the home Harry had bought for her mother after the accident — a gesture of kindness in the face of tragedy.

Kendall, feigning ignorance, asked, "What did you do, Harry?"

He hesitated, swallowing hard before explaining. "After Y/n's accident, I...I bought a house for her mom. She was devastated, thought she'd lost her only child." His voice was laced with past pain, the memories visibly haunting him.

"And you never mentioned this because...?" Kendall prodded, a hint of hurt in her tone.

Harry's response was evasive, his discomfort evident. "It wasn't about publicity or gratitude. And you were away, busy with your modeling." He tried to downplay his act, but the hurt it caused was unmistakable.

The conversation took a sharp turn when Y/n's eyes fell upon the sparkling diamond on Kendall's finger. "Kendall, you're engaged?!" she exclaimed, joy in her voice. But the excitement dissolved as realization dawned. Her eyes darted between Harry and Kendall, the implications clear and heart-wrenching. "Oh... I see," she murmured, her voice a fragile whisper.

The atmosphere turned heavy, the weight of unspoken words and unacknowledged feelings pressing down on them. "Y/n, please, let's talk about this," Harry pleaded, desperation seeping into his voice. But Y/n was retreating, her defenses coming up.

The meal that followed was a symphony of discomfort, punctuated by stilted conversation and Y/n's increasing detachment. Harry recognized her coping mechanism as she ordered more food than she could possibly consume. It was her refuge, her way of finding control in a situation where she felt she had none.

Her breaking point arrived with silent tears streaming down her face as she attempted to keep eating. "Kitten," Harry whispered, an endearment slipping out as he moved to comfort her. But she recoiled, the nickname a reminder of what they had and what seemed lost now.

"I need a to-go tray," she announced abruptly, her voice strained. She stood up, her movements robotic as she packed her food, her exit a clear signal of her emotional state.

"Kitten, please, can't we just talk?" Harry implored, but his plea fell on deaf ears.

With a sad smile, she replied, "That's the thing, Harry. I'm not your kitten anymore, am I?" And with that, she walked away, leaving behind a table laden with uneaten food, unspoken words, and unresolved futures.

[bandagesandloveletters]

Lilla Thornton (Masters of The Air OFC)

Note: A little introduction to my newest original female character for the Masters of The Air universe. Look out for all her adventures in the weeks to come. Word Count: 895 words.

Glass plasma bottles clicked against each other as they moved inside the chipped wooden crate marked "Medical Supplies". Pyramids of morphine syrettes threatened to spill with every second step heavier than the opposite. In a different setting, desperate hands would be grabbing at the morphine, like kids to a bowl of candy. It was a highly sought-after substance on the frontlines by medics, but in the ghostly quiet hallways of the on-base infirmary, no one dared to steal from what supplies graced the stockroom. 

In the middle of the infirmary's hustle and bustle lay a heavy oak desk, out of place and odd for its surroundings but very fitting for the occupier who worked upon it, hour after hour.

Thud! Rattle! Clunk! The wooden crate came to rest upon the paper-laden desk as dainty hands rifled through its contents, determined to find the item that she so urgently needed.

"Ah-ha!" the gentle rasp with a Texan accent piped up as she grasped what she was looking for in her left hand. "There you are, you little rascal."

"Still talking to the medical supplies, I see."

"You know me, Nora. If a seasick-riddled boat journey across the pond can't change my ways, it will never happen," Second Lieutenant Thornton chirped as she turned to stand before the friendly face.

Lilla Thornton was a petite girl from Fredericksburg, Texas. Although she was small in stature, she had a big personality. As head nurse, the tiny Texan often had to drum up morale as her fellow medics worked tirelessly on wounded men evacuated from the battle-damaged aircraft returning from missions into occupied Europe. It was almost like working on a production line; as soon as a patient was stable, they'd be moved to a more suitable bed within the infirmary, away from all the chaos.

A no-nonsense kind of girl, Lilla was known for throwing herself into her work, placing it on top of her list before pleasure. Her time at Thorpe Abbotts was a perfect example of this practice. As her nurses clung to the men of the 100th every Friday at the Half Moon Inn, the young Lieutenant would spend her night taking stock of supplies and rolling bandages. Even back home, she'd rather spend her weekends studying or helping her father run the family ranch than travel the hour into Austin to go drinking and galavanting with her friends.

Growing up, she had to learn and take responsibility more quickly than most girls. At the age of seven, her dear mother Tabitha passed suddenly of an unknown illness that doctors were trying to grasp a better knowledge and understanding. Lilla was the eldest of three siblings, meaning any extra time she had after her classes were finished was spent working to bring in extra money to aid the family finances.

Her father, a cripple who couldn't work, always encouraged the brunette to follow her heart, and on the 18th of August 1941, Lilla Thornton joined the Army Nurse Corps. With a passion for helping those in need and a hard-working ethic, Army life came as easy as learning to crawl as an infant.

Training started at Brooke General Hospital, San Antonio, Texas, before she was assigned to the Eighth Air Force as a breakaway unit in September of 1942. A single gold bar sat proudly upon the collar of her dress uniform and the new role of head nurse upon her shoulders.

At Kearney Army Airfield, Nebraska, Lilla made friends with a fellow nurse from Louisiana. Like Lilla, Nora was a serious person putting just as much dedication into her role as a nurse as the Texan girl did. Nora and Lilla forged a friendship that would stand the test of time.

Thrusting the two bottles of saline towards the medic, followed by some syrettes of morphine, Lilla raised an eyebrow in question at the female before her.

"This should be more than enough for now. You don't happen to have any chocolate in your magic box, Lieutenant Thornton?" Nora’s Southern drawl emphasized certain words as she asked the smaller female. 

Holding up a finger, Lilla turned and began to search through a heavy oak drawer connected to her desk before producing a foil-covered article. Chocolate had become a rare commodity, especially with all the rationing the Americans faced while living in England, and what they could get a hold of tasted far from what they were used to back home. 

"This is my last ration for this month. It better be for a good reason you’re looking for some. You owe me one, Nora."

"You got my word, Li. If you have the time, can you check on Lieutenant Payne? I think he's coming down with pneumonia."

Looking up from her clipboard at the mention of one of the navigators, Lilla nodded. It was apparent there was some kind of bug going around the base. She’d already treated a few men with similar symptoms.

"I don't have long left until I've finished my shift here, but I'll be round as soon as possible. Just make sure he's kept warm until I get there."

Returning her attention to the crate of supplies, Lilla sat down behind the desk to begin the final stock check of her shift.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

Friendship, Like a Mirror's Shards

They stood as friends ready to be divided, and already feeling the divide in their souls.

"I'll miss you," said Anneka for the hundredth time.

"It's only a couple of months," said Sadie, in a voice that was supposed to be comforting and didn't quite manage it. "It'll be over before you know it!"

Anneka frowned and picked a daisy, tearing off the petals one by one. "It still feels like a long time. You've never gone away this long in my entire life."

Sadie tried to smile, failed, and grabbed for Anneka instead. They clung to each other like each had found a port in the storm.

"Is it possible to love someone too much?" asked Anneka, voice wavering. "Maybe you're being taken away because I care about you too much." She always cared more about people than they cared about her; it was just a fact of life.

Sadie laughed. "Honey, no. We're going for a holiday, it's not - it's not the end of the world, you know?"

Anneka tore the last petal off the daisy and dropped the stem. She wanted to say that it felt like it. She wanted to say that she loved Sadie more than anyone in the world. She wanted to ask her if she truly found her annoying.

She said nothing.

"But, listen, you've reminded me - I wrote a letter, and you mustn't read it unless you're terribly lonesome. Promise?"

"Promise." Anneka received the dainty pink missive with eager hands and wished she'd written one too. "What does terribly mean? In this context."

"I don't know. Like you can't bear it."

"All right." She put it in her pocket, feeling a little cheered up. "I'll do my best."

~

The time, as one might expect, passed. Anneka moped for a while, then decided to put her best face on and pretend she wasn't broken up by Sadie's absence. She walked and rode and practised a few things she'd been meaning to get around to for a long, long time. The letter burned in her pocket, and one day she put it in a drawer, underneath her clothes, and left it there. No matter how much she wanted to, she kept putting off reading it, in case she wanted it more later.

Once Sadie came back, she forgot about it.

~

Anneka pulled things out of her drawers in a hurry, mind whirling. She wasn't going to bring everything, not right now; but she did need at least a couple of changes of clothing. She scrambled through the sorting to shove things into a small case, rather haphazardly, dumping other things in piles on the floor. When she came back for the rest, she'd clean it up. No need to get it all now, especially since Vaniah would be waiting for her.

She got to the bottom of the drawer and paused in surprise at a pink letter, inscribed in a child's large hand with her own name. Memories came flooding back, and she wondered suddenly how Sadie was. They'd fallen out of touch last year, and Sadie had since shifted to a town four hours away. Despite their closeness as children, as adults they only retained a general sense of acquaintance. They didn't really know each other now.

She must remember to write to Sadie and tell her of the wedding, probably send pictures of the ring and all that. Sadie had been interested in weddings as a child, liking the dress-up aspect of them despite not being interested in having one herself. Anneka wondered how she was doing with the law now. She should write and ask.

She opened the letter carefully, reading it despite the time she was taking doing so. By the end she was crying.

~

Dear Anneka,

I'm going to miss you. I hope you know how much you mean to me and always will. No matter what happens in our lives, we'll still be a part of each other, won't we? I think people are like smashed mirrors and we all pick up a bit of each other and reflect them. I thought you were the poetic one, but leavetaking brings out the poet in me, or something.

When you're fearfully lonely, I hope you read this letter and remember how much I love you. Imagine me hugging you really tight right now. This is only a letter so I can't, not really, but it can help, can't it?

I think people underestimate how much little things can help. Letters, or telling people you were thinking of them, or any of that kind of thing. When you think about it, we're really made up of all the little things, aren't we? Life isn't about the big choices - well, not completely - it's about the everyday moments and the time we spent together and the laughter we shared. The little choices every moment, to choose friendship or apathy. Apathy is dangerous, Anneka. It's the worst thing you can succumb to, I think. Even worse than actively wrong things, you know?

Letting people slip away is so easy and yet it's the thing we must prevent above all else. It's dangerous. I hope I don't do the same with you, Anneka. I love you too much to let you go. (I wonder how much the people who do let one another walk away feel like that at the start anyway?)

(Surely having tried and having loved and having felt is enough sometimes. Surely sometimes you're just not going to hold on to a friendship. Maybe it was worth it all the way along even if it isn't forever. Treasure the moments regardless of their longevity, if they're important.)

I don't know. I get existential sometimes, you know? I like to write and I like to love and even more, I like to be loved. I still love you, Anneka. I will even if we get to the stage where we can't tell each other. It's still here inside me. Is that where it matters most?

Sadie

~

When she got to the home that would be hers from now on, Anneka's first task was filling her drawers with clothing. She put the letter underneath, carefully, where she could read it again. Maybe someday she'd show Vaniah.

~

tagging @silent-silver-slip who got me thinking about the whole concept of friendship and losing friendships and it still being important anyway

[wishitweresummer]

Tell Me What’s On Your Mind

(Valentine’s Day Karlnap Ficlet)

Word Count: 2861

     The flirting between Karl and Sapnap had been going on for a long time now. Long enough that Sapnap had already come to a conclusion with his own sexuality, come out to his roommates, and figured out he has a crush on Karl. Well...at this point much more than a crush. Any conclusion to that was taking forever, though.

While he had been certain at the beginning of their friendship Karl must have feelings for him, that had faded more and more as he watched him be touchy with their other friends, flirty with their other friends...kissing their other friends. He wondered if Karl never kissing him as a joke meant he liked him or didn't like him. It must mean something? Too bad the meanings could only lead to those polar opposites in Sapnap's mind.

Sapnap was not planning on admitting his feelings to Karl. Karl seemed too forward and confident to him. Sapnap was sure if Karl wanted him, he would know. He would tell him. It had been so long. Sapnap was already learning how to be a friend silently in love. With Karl it could be easy. It could be enough. Sapnap was convinced he had everything he needed and could live without the rest.

He was looking forward to Karl coming over and hanging out at the Dream Team house tonight. They didn't have to start any content until tomorrow so they would get to just catch up and be together. He was alone in the living room waiting for Dream and George, who had just gone out shopping. Karl wasn't due to arrive for a few hours so he opted to just hang at the house alone to charge his social battery before all the chaos.

He switched back to discord a third time while scrolling Twitter. Karl hadn't responded to his message from earlier and it was bugging him a little. Not actually, but his brain just kept forcing him to check the message over and over and that is what was annoying him. He could never focus when he was thinking about Karl. He switched to discord again for the fourth time…

~~ding dong~~

The doorbell startled Sapnap out of his seat. His heart started racing immediately. He knew Dream and George wouldn't ring the doorbell. He knew Karl was on the other side of that door. He looked down at his outfit; anime hoodie, black sweatpants, and his Balenciaga hat. He fussed with the hem of his hoodie as he made his way to the door.

~~ding dong~~

"Alright alright!!!", Sapnap laughed as he pulled open the door. He stumbled back with a gasp as Karl leaped onto him, laughing as he held him up and hugged him back.

"Nick!", Karl mumbled happily into Sapnap's neck, clinging on for dear life.

"Karl.", Sapnap sighed. Relief and excitement were somehow competing within him. Karl's hugs. Nothing in the world like Karl's hugs. He always clung so desperately it made him feel strong, loved, and weak in his knees all at once.

"I missed you handsome.".

"I missed you!!!".

~•~

Karl was being weird, Sapnap decided. He kept catching these little side-looks. And he would open his mouth to speak, then close it. Sapnap isn't sure he has seen Karl be this shy before. It was...very adorable actually. Right away he had gotten a sense that Karl wanted to say something. It made sense, too. It was all a little too convenient. Karl had been messaging with him all morning and then had gone dead quiet when he had found out George and Dream had vacated the premises. Shortly after Karl's early arrival Sapnap had received a text from Dream telling him they would be running late. And now this shy behavior. Sapnap was starting to let his fantasies get ahold of him for sure.

"What is it?”. Karl's back stiffened at the words.

"Huh?", he said dumbly. The two were on the couch together flipping through YouTube videos on the TV. They hadn’t found anything with how distracted they both were looking back and forth at each other.

"Huh?", Sapnap mocked playfully. He smirked proudly at the blush it earned him. "What has gotten into you Karl?", he leaned over and poked Karl's side. Karl squealed and shoved his hand away.

"It's nothing!". Karl's voice was a little higher than usual. Sapnap's eyes narrowed at him. Karl squirmed under the gaze and tried his best to focus on the TV.

Sapnap's plan formed in his head quickly. This was his favorite game, after all. He saw only W's coming out of this, too. He would get Karl to spit out whatever is on his mind and he would get to make Karl laugh. Which is his favorite sound in the entire world.

Now to play with his food first...

Sapnap sighed loudly and looked down at his hands. He wiggled his fingers slowly and turned them over and over as he pretended to inspect them.

"Stop that.". But, Karl was giggling. Sapnap pretended to crack his knuckles. "Don't", Karl warned. It was awfully cute how commanding he was trying to be through all of his giggles. Sapnap jerked his hands towards the nervous boy before pulling them back, laughing as Karl yelped and tried to clamber off the couch. Sapnap only grabbed his leg and dragged him back across the couch on his stomach. "Noooo!".

Karl wasn't fighting back in any real way. And Sapnap wasn't pinning him down either. They had been here before a hundred times. It was one of Sapnap's favorite things about Karl. There were days when tickling was normal. One of them would go for the other and they would laugh and try to get away. A bit of playful torture. Then, there were other days when it was almost like Karl was asking for it in any way besides just asking and any fighting back was impossibly weak. These were his favorite. A little chase or teasing and then he got to hear his favorite noise...

Karl's crazy high pitched cackling echoed against the walls around them as Sapnap roughly squeezed his shoulders right where they met his neck. He was starting out strong with his death spot. Well...he also really wanted to get whatever Karl was holding back out of him as soon as possible. Sapnap leaned down and murmured right against Karl's sensitive ear.

"Tell me what's on your miiiind.", Sapnap sang. Karl squealed and squirmed against the couch.

"Pleaseeee!!! It's nothing!", he cried out. Sapnap abandoned his shoulders and instead dug his fingers softly into the back of his ribcage. Karl scrunched up and let out a string of high pitched squeals before wheezing and falling back into his cute hysterical giggling. Sapnap loved how crazed he always sounded. He has been learning exactly how to pry each and every noise out of him. He squeezed both his soft sides to force some squeaks out of Karl. "It's nothing!!!", Karl gasped out. It sounded a little more desperate than Sapnap was expecting so he slowed down. He eyed the redness glowing at the tip of Karl's ears. Karl was a lot more flustered than usual.

He lifted up a bit and flipped Karl onto his back before straddling his waist. Karl quickly covered his face with both hands.

"Hey hey! Why are you blocking my view of your pretty face?". Karl only whined and squirmed. "Hey.", Sapnap said it softer. He wiggled his pointer fingers into both of Karl's armpits and Karl yelped and snapped his arms down to his sides. Sapnap was expecting his face to be red and happy. He was stunned at what he actually found. It was red...it was extremely red. But, Karl's eyes held a panic, and while some glee was definitely breaking through with the forced laughter he almost seemed to be in a sort of anguish. It halted any teasing that was about to fall from Sapnap's lips. He didn't know what to say as he tugged his fingers out of Karl's armpits.

Karl clasped his hands back over his face for a few seconds before peeking between his fingers as he realized something was wrong.

"Are you okay?", Sapnap finally got out. He cursed himself silently for taking so long.

"What? Yeah I...it tickles...um.", Karl sputtered, confused. Sapnap pressed his fingers through Karl's chocolate curls in an attempt to calm him. He was buying himself time to think of what to say.

"Did I misread the situation? Do you not want to be tickled right now?", Sapnap asked earnestly. Karl flushed and let slip a small choked gasp before covering his face again. He cringed and shoved his face into the couch.

"Oh god.". It was muffled and filled with embarrassment.

Sapnap and Karl had never actually addressed Karl's seemingly complicated relationship with tickling. Sapnap knew how to read him well enough so it was never needed.

Sapnap shifted nervously on top of Karl's waist.

"I'm sorry, I made you uncomfortable.", Sapnap's words were rushed as be moved to get off of him. Karl grabbed both of his hands and held him in place.

"No! Wait. Hold on. Gahhh. I need to collect myself. Please don't go.", Karl spewed. He looked wrecked. The heat was climbing down his neck. Sapnap settled back on top of him. He had never seen Karl so nervous. He played with his hands while Karl focused on his breathing. It went on like that for about a minute. Not excessively long, but long enough for Sapnap to run over every scenario in his own mind.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I promise. It's just...I do have something on my mind and I did really want to tell you.”, Karl covers his face with both hands for a moment before continuing, “ I'm just really nervous. I thought I could get it out this way. I thought it would be easier. Like...you could get it out of me, for me. I realized that was stupid, but then you already knew something was up. I just don't want to mess this up...", he trailed off and cringed.

'Mess this up?', Sapnap thought. It echoed inside his head.

"Nothing could mess this up.", he assured firmly. Karl couldn't look at him. Sapnap's heart skipped a beat.

It was hitting him. The coincidences he found fishy were fishy. Karl wants to say something to him that he's afraid will change things. He couldn't stop the grin from creeping up on him. He observed the new shy version of his favorite person underneath him. Impossibly cute. He needed to let him off the hook.

"Maybe, I could get something off my chest first? And then you could?". Sapnap did his best to soften his grin to a sweet smile. Karl finally made eye contact again and it was like he was trying to get all the information out from the gaze alone. Sapnap shook his head. "Like, with my words. I'll tell you...a secret. Something I've been wanting to tell you. Is that okay? And then maybe if you're comfortable you can tell me yours?". Karl nodded. Sapnap hesitated only to consider his words. His feelings. He had a lot of them. They were intense. What's the best way to get that across?

He found Karl's hand and linked their fingers. He decided if he would do this he needed to just be completely honest and put it all out there. He leaned in and whispered into his ear.

"I am in love with you.".

Karl grabbed a fistful of Sapnap's hoodie and suddenly they were kissing. Sapnap nearly collapsed on him and soon it was a giggly and messy kiss. It was beautiful. It was everything. Sapnap dropped beside him on the couch and cupped Karl's face as he learned exactly how soft his lips were and exactly how his tongue tasted. He wrapped an arm around his waist and tugged him on top. He felt Karl's bat away his hat and tangle his fingers in his hair.

"I am in love with you, too.", Karl murmured breathlessly into the kiss.

~•~

Things moved very fast after that...with how fast they confessed exactly how long each had loved the other for. The first time feelings sparked. How many times they had wanted to confess.

     George and Dream walked right into the tears and soft kisses. It was sweet, but too sweet. A quick congratulations and an acknowledgment of the new relationship status and then they were gone again. Off to their separate rooms where they would no doubt be blowing up the private Dream Team discord about this. Sapnap would catch up with later.

     Boyfriends. Dating. Together. Partners. They had run through the list and agreed to all of them and more. The shyness was gone. They were both so excited to express all their feelings. Suddenly they were spilling it all. Karl admitted he loved being close to Sapnap so much sometimes he would annoy him into tickling him.

"I know silly.", Sapnap peppered his blushing face with little kisses. Sapnap let slip that he replayed compilations of Karl kissing their friends to try and work out what he could do to make it happen for himself. Karl cooled any embarrassment with his own playful kisses. No secrets between them. They cuddled in close on the couch and played with each others fingers and hair. Whispered about how they've always wanted to be like this. They were already used to being so physically affection that it was shocking how new it felt to push things just a little farther. Prolonged hand holding. Kisses starting to trail away from lips. Sapnap let out an embarassing squeak when Karl nipped softly at his ear. He huffed and held Karl away by his shoulders, smiling at him.

"Are you...tired?", Sapnap asked with his eyebrows thrown up. Karl giggled.

"A little. Maybe we could go to your room?". Sapnap laughed and pulled him off the couch, dragging him giddily to his room. His boyfriend was a mind reader.

     They cuddled together under the warm blankets of Sapnap's bed and traded sweet kisses.

"I can't believe this.", Sapnap whispered.

"What? That you tickle tortured me until I told you I loved you so you would stop?", Karl teased, poking Sapnap in the side under the covers. Sapnap gasped and yelped softly at the poke.

"That is not what happened!", Sapnap whisper-shouted. Karl kissed him to shut him up. "You're annoying.", Sapnap mumbled into the kiss. Karl pulled away and grinned at him. Sapnap recognized the look right away.

"No please!". Sapnap cowered, but laughter was pulled out of him as Karl's nimble fingers attacked his rib cage and sides with tickles. "Karl!", he cried out, shoving away the hands. He couldn't help his squealing as Karl only scooted closer and crawled his hands up his shirt, tickling at his bare tummy. One twist and Sapnap knew he was screwed. He hiccuped through his laughter as he pushed at the hands now trapped under his shirt tickling him. "Fuck!", he wailed as Karl explored everywhere under his shirt. His bellybutton and sides. He could feel him working his way up to his bare armpits and he squirmed desperately. "Please!! They'll hear us!!", he pled through his laughter.

"I'm just tickling him!", Karl called out. Sapnap flushed and buried  his face in Karl's neck with a small peep.

"Oh my god.", he whined and clung to him. "I hate you.".

"No, you love me.", Karl coo'ed, squeezing once into Sapnap's side. He squealed into his neck. “Let me tickle my boyfriend!”. Karl slid his fingers along Sapnap’s bare sides, relishing in how he squirmed. This was his, all his. Sapnap giggled desperately into his neck.

When he couldn’t take the tickles any longer, Sapnap nipped at Karl's neck playfully. He whimpered and melted almost instantly. Sapnap had never brought his mouth over here before, but with how sensitive Karl's neck was he had a lot of suspicions with what might happen if he nibbled there. With just three little teasing nibbles Karl had his hands out from under Sapnap's shirt and was desperately trying to tug him away from his neck with the worlds lightest pulls. His breath was quick and his neck was feeling warmer and warmer. Karl whined.

"I'm sensitive.", he sounded wrecked. Sapnap laughed as he let himself be pulled away and into more kisses. The connection between them growing stronger and deeper. Everything completely perfect. The way their lips were made for each other. Their hands wordlessly explored each other as they found new sensitivities everywhere.

                                           ~•~

      Karl and Sapnap had been flirting with each other for a long time now. So long that things seemed like they would never change. Tonight was now the first of the rest of their lives, together. Love no longer unspoken. They shouted it from the rooftops. Proud to be with each other. Proud to be together and to fit so perfectly. It all made sense, it only made sense. Sapnap and Karl.

[oversleepingblob]

Senior High School years can be like a rollercoaster—academics, social life, and personal development all ride together for a few years.But amidst the chaos. Nothing is as similar as the friends that you made along the way on this journey. What I find the most outstanding part of my path is the unbreakable bond which I was able to develop with the people who were not only my classmates but also my very family. Let us walk the memory lane together as I recall the instances that embodied our friendship and culminated into a mesmerizing experience in my high school life.

It is hard to tell, but I guess it was around the second week of class, when Shams invited me to accompany them to the school canteen. I had no idea that our lunch date would be the beginning of my longtime friendship. Sharing meals and having a good time together gave strength to our bond and eventually we clung to one another like glue. That day after day began to be an adventure stuffed with inside jokes that some may not find it funny 😂, shared secrets and undiminished respect. A casual invitation turned into a fruitful one and a friendship that would withstand both the good and the bad.

Our friendship was built on more than just shared meals – it was forged through shared experiences that shaped our lives. From spontaneous adventures, we navigated the ups and downs of senior high school together. One memorable tradition was our post-exam visits to the local restaurant which was "Hardpoint" to indulge in comfort food and celebrate our hard work. These gatherings became cherished moments of camaraderie, where we bonded over our shared triumphs and challenges.

The other turning point in my life was when Shams tried to convince me to join the Student Government. In the beginning, I was not sure whether I was ready to handle such a responsibility but with the help and motivation of her, I gathered courage and made up my mind. Last but not least, it was to show my support for Shams who runs for the Presidency; she wanted me to be her secretary and I told her that she should get over herself because I am not ready to do that 😂. However, Jocelyn (my friend and also one of the members of Egglog) and I run for the position of SHS Department Representative and fortunately we won. Being a member of the Student Government has positively changed my life. Firstly, I am happy and proud that I could help improve our school community and secondly, I acquired skills, confidence, and lasting memories which I am always grateful for.

Looking back on my senior high school, I can’t express how grateful I am to the friends who influenced all my journeys. To my EGGLOG family, thank you for not only being friends but being the family I have always wished for. Thank you for the innumerable moments we've spent together, the smiles we've shared, and your consistent and reliable assistance all these years. As we enter the next phase of our journey, I am certain that what we have built together will stay golden no matter where our roads take us. Let's raise our glasses to many more wonderful memories to come – EGGLOG all the way.

In life, friendships are the threads that weave together our most cherished memories. My journey through senior high school was made infinitely brighter and more meaningful by the presence of my EGGLOG family. Through the ups and downs, they stood by my side, offering friendship, laughter, and love. As I bid farewell to senior high school and look towards the future, I carry with me the lessons learned and the memories made with my dear friends. EGGLOG, you will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you very much!

[caesarandthecity]

The Pastor Chronicles: A Spicy Tale of Lust and Betrayal

Hold onto your hats, folks, because I'm about to take you on a wild ride through the scandalous world of El Pastor. And let me tell you, after this, you might never look at a burrito the same way again. Sorry, Chipotle.

So there I was, minding my own business, when the Pastor vanished into thin air, leaving behind a whirlwind of chaos and unanswered questions. But before we dive into the juicy details, let me set the stage.

Picture this: the dimly lit corridors of a jail cell, where soap bars double as currency and friendships are forged in the fires of adversity. Life behind bars wasn't exactly a walk in the park, but El Pastor? He was a godsend, a shining beacon of light in a sea of darkness. While others clung to their meager possessions, El Pastor shared his bounty with a generosity that bordered on saintly. A true hustler, even behind bars.

Fast forward to the outside world, and things took a turn for the... well, let's just say, unexpected. Yes, there was a spark between us, a fiery attraction that sizzled with intensity from the start. We danced on the edge of desire, teetering on the brink of something dangerous and delicious.

But as they say, the truth always comes out in the end. And boy, did it ever. El Pastor was a walking contradiction, equal parts charming and infuriating. From his mysteriously acquired possessions to his perpetual financial woes, he was a puzzle I couldn't quite solve.

And then came the sex – oh, the sex. Picture this: a haze of cocaine-fueled euphoria, with El Pastor at the wheel and me along for the ride. In the middle of the highway, he whips out his... well, you get the picture. And let me tell you, I didn't hesitate for a second. I went to town like it was my last meal on earth, the thrill of danger only adding to the excitement.

But that was just the beginning. El Pastor was bossy, demanding, and oh-so-deliciously dominant. He had me begging for more, right there on the highway, with cars zooming past and danger lurking around every bend.

And just when I thought things couldn't get any hotter, he almost had me riding him like a bucking bronco in the garage. But alas, fate had other plans, and our rendezvous was cut short by the imminent arrival of his unsuspecting tenant.

And then, just like that, he was gone, leaving behind a hefty bill and memories that would haunt me for weeks to come. But you know what they say – all's fair in love and war. And let me tell you, folks, this was definitely a battle worth fighting.

So here's to El Pastor, the man, the myth, the legend – may his adventures be wild, his heart be free, and his burritos forever untainted by the woes of Chipotle. And to you, my dear readers, I bid adieu until next time, when we'll once again dive headfirst into the tantalizing world of desire, danger, and deliciously scandalous escapades. Cheers to the chaos, my friends. Until we meet again.

[magmahurricane]

New Year!

Hey y'all! I don't really update much here save for dumping art, but I'm gonna try and be a bit more active around here.

2021 was an interesting year - a lot happened! I feel like I grew so much over the past year, and it's kind of difficult to put into words. But, I'll try!

I had to cut someone very dear to me out of my life. There were a lot of messy emotions - even when I knew cutting them out was reasonable given what was happening, it kind of tripped me up for a while. I had an amazing network of support from my friends, but I still missed the person.

I don't bare any ill will toward them, regardless of what they believe. At the same time, getting out of that situation opened my eyes to a lot of things - about them, about myself, about what a healthy friendship and love really looks like. Sometimes we strive so hard to be loyal, to stand by a loved one, that we excuse pretty awful things and make excuses for them when they hurt the other people in our lives.

Me and this person, we clung on to one another because we were so convinced that only we two truly understood and accepted the other. Feeling seen and understood in ways I don't imagine I could find in many others... It's an understandable thing to cling onto. There was a false sense of security our friendship brought on that I held onto very tightly. We often became hateful, spurring on eachothers worst traits and wallowing in our petty feelings and nursing our fragile egos.

But as I started opening up to kinder, different people, and began to grow more empathetic, this person dug their heels in and grew resentful, and more openly hateful and cruel. Or, maybe they were always like that. Something something red flags and rose-tinted lenses.

I really wanted them to get better with me. But there came a point where they hurt a mutual friend of ours just because they wanted someone to bare the brunt of their anger. And when I stepped in, I had hate thrown my way. They took that hate public, turned it into flat out bigotry, and then blamed me for our friends deciding to cut ties with them.

It worked, for a time -- I spent a good chunk of time blaming myself, wondering if I didn't give this friend enough. Enough of what? I gave my time, my energy, my love to this person, and I could not meet their needs. I let them walk all over me, all over our friends, and the one time I finally stood up to them, and enforced boundaries, it destroyed our relationship. I'm better now. I have an amazing group of friends. I'm surrounded by people who love me, for whom that love means mutual trust to be open and clear about boundaries, where there's mutual respect and communication when issues do arise.

I feel so much more secure, and I'm so much better at recognizing when I'm in a bad headspace and taking the steps necessary to avoid hurting myself - or anyone else - when I need to. I no longer listen to the Bad Brain Signals that make mountains out of molehills and I don't fall apart every time a friend and I don't agree on something.

I feel so loved and seen and cared for. I love my friends. And if you're reading this, and you find yourself in a similar situation to where I was: it's okay. I know letting go of someone especially close to you is scary, even if - especially if - you're seeing the red flags popping up. It'll hurt for a bit, but I promise you'll be okay in the end.

Anyway, outside of that mess? I've been pretty good. Got a trip planned fairly soon to go and see some friends. Been putting in the work to make some (positive) changes in my offline life.

Been slowly - slowly - gaining confidence in my writing and enjoying writing up a little something entirely for myself, which is rare. Hope y'all are doing amazing as well! <3

[transladystrong]

The ten apologies I should have gotten that I never did. (+One that I actually did receive)

From my mask self to my closeted trans inner self

- lovingly accepted <3

Dearest Kana,

I’m sorry I won’t meet you for nearly 30 years. Thank you for the way you clung to life with an absolute ferocity and hunger that whole time. I’m sorry I feared that ferocity and hid from it. The first time I ever considered your existence at age 26- the first time I invite you inside- I will find your presence terrifying.

All those years locked out of the house will leave you dripping with cold mud, nonetheless the first time you reach out to touch my face will be the first softness that has touched my skin since I was a child. Your voice after so many years of silence will be a grudge’s whisper, but I know now you were telling me that you loved me. Telling me to keep going. Telling me I am good.

I’m sorry that as a teen, I used my assault to push you even further into the closet. I’m sorry that the closest I could get to you in high school was a toxic homoerotic relationship.

After my divorce, you will tell me I can trust you, and it will be the first time I ever trusted my own inner voice. I’m sorry that I fought your arrival for so long. I was so afraid of what it would mean for me. The truth is that I wouldn’t know peace until after you arrived. The truth is that you coming here meant that I would have to die, admit that I was never really alive. I promise I will continue to make this apology to you every day from the other side.

Thank you for how much of your goodness still made it into the light of day. Thank you for never letting your loneliness and isolation change you. Thank you for your appetite for life. Thank you for your big joy and bigger beauty. Thank you for your art. Thank you for believing my invitation was honest, that the place I had prepared for you here was safe.

I love you so very much,

Kana

From my mom [REJECTED]

Dear Kana,

I’m sorry that in my memories you will always be my little boy. I’m sorry that I never really saw you as the child you were. I’m sorry that I was a Catholic cop for your whole childhood. I’m sorry that I taught you secrecy and shame. I’m sorry that I would choose myself and my dysfunction in so many ways throughout your most vulnerable years. I’m sorry that I taught you love, safety, and acceptance were contingent on how I was feeling.

I’m sorry for the way you learned to care for others as a protective practice, for the way that I co-opted your loving and caring nature for such a base behavior. I’m sorry that in your adulthood I habitually make the suffering of growing up as a closeted trans girl about my shortcomings as a parent. I realize this prevents you from talking about your experiences as a child, but I won’t stop myself from centering myself in your story.

I’m sorry that you learned my dysfunctional form of friendship with so many closeted gay women. I’m sorry I modeled toxic relationships with zero boundaries. (Nan, Brennan, Kim, Kristine, just to name a few)

I’m sorry that I could easily make this apology in person but I never will.

Love,

Mom

From my ex wife [REJECTED]

Dear Kana,

I really needed you to be this very specific archetype of person, and you’re not, and now I have to figure out what to do with that. Including maybe if it’s healthy for me to need someone to play such a restricted role.

Either way I’m very confused and grieving who I thought you were, and the role I thought you played in my life. And I’m angry at you for taking those things away from me.

I think having a super straight man who only had intimacy with me was how I convinced myself I am worthy and living a good life. I need to do a whole lot of digging and re-evaluation, and it may mean we have to separate. But I hope you are blessed to fully realize who you are too, and thank you for being honest with me, and sorry that I can’t be close to you anymore because I feel overwhelmed with the confusing things this experience is making me feel.

I’m sorry I can’t be intimate with you any more for all of these reasons that are outside of your control. They feel like they are outside of my control too.

Ex wife

From my father [REJECTED]

Kana,

I’m sorry that I’m not around, even though I’m right here. I’m sorry for the secrecy and shame that I brought into our family. I’m sorry I can’t manage my freaking finances. I’m sorry that I’m so scared of my emotions. I’m sorry that I’m basically a five year old inside my head. I’m sorry that I allowed your mom to work herself into an early grave to support my dysfunctional self.

I’m sorry I could make these apologies in person but I never will.

-Dad

From the perpetrator of my sexual assault [REJECTED]

Dear Kana,

I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m sorry for the pattern of emptiness and sexual pain that I am going to create in your life.

A few years after the week I spent at your house when you were sixteen, I will be diagnosed with BPD. I hope this knowledge explains what I thought was doing, even if it doesn’t justify a thing.

I’m sorry I told your sister. I’m sorry I couldn’t even keep your secret shame, and that I torched your familial relationships along with your sense of self worth.

I’m sorry that I treated you like a man instead of the beautiful woman you were pretending not to be. I’m sorry for the sickening confirmation that gave to your inner child of what was true and what wasn’t.

I’m sorry you won’t realize that you were assaulted for over ten years. I’m sorry that you will still be unpacking the patterns I helped created over twelve years later.

-your assaulter

From my high school ex boyfriend [REJECTED]

To my best friend,

I’m bisexual. Growing up in a Catholic family with only brothers I could never make peace with this. That’s why I gravitated to you. I could sense you had a similar shame, and I was captivated by you too.

You were so beautiful, and I loved spending my time with you. I loved connecting with you. That’s why I adopted your hobbies, why I was always giving you rides home, driving out in the country with you, why we went running every morning for two years, why I got a longboard.

It’s also why I would occasionally beat you senseless. I’m sorry I did that. Those moments of breathless exhaustion when we were laying on top of each other too tired to move- that’s the closest I ever got to the romance I was craving. It’s why I would encourage you to self harm with me over the phone. I’m sorry I did that too. It felt good to me that somebody could hate themselves in the same language I hated myself with too.

I’m sorry I dated a girl and kept you on the side, and I’m sorry that that girl was your best friend.

I hope you know that I did love you in my own broken way. Thank you for all the sweetness and joy you brought into my life. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

-High school ex

From my ex best friend [REJECTED]

Dear Kana,

I’m sorry that I’m a coward. I’m sorry that I ghosted you after you came out as trans. I’m just so scared of women.

You were there for me during my idiotic dream of becoming a Navy SEAL. You were there during my unmoored twenties; you helped me move into that ratty van. I was the best man at your wedding. I was with you every day for two months after your divorce, and I didn’t take the vulnerability of that seriously at all.

The first time I dumped you was for a new job. I’m sorry that you always came in second place to whatever other thing was going on in my life.

The second time I dumped you was after your divorce was finalized. I’m sorry I was so triggered by my own divorce trauma that I withdrew from you then.

The last time I dumped you was after you realized you were a woman. This time it will stick. I’m sorry I’m so scared of women that I couldn’t see that you were the same person I’d known for ten years.

Hope you’re well,

Best friend

From my childhood best friend [REJECTED]

Kana,

I’ll never be able to do better than this with you. I’m dead inside. I’m deeply bitter. I’m absolutely terrified of emotions of any kind.

I’m sorry that the door will always be closed to you. I’m sorry that I’m afraid of who and what you are.

I’m sorry that the closest I will ever get to a heart to heart with you happened when we were sixteen, and that it had to do with some random BS fight we had over a girl.

-childhood best friend

From my first boss [REJECTED]

Hi Kana,

What can I really say? I’m a user. I’m an alcoholic. I’m a brilliant scientist, and I will use it my entire life to justify my dysfunction. I am sorry though.

I’m sorry I will take advantage of your low self worth to extract labor from you. I’m sorry that I will leave you at the end of your career with me with absolutely nothing to show for it. I’m sorry I discriminated against you for being a parent. I’m sorry I consistently sided against you at every opportunity. I’m sorry that I dangled promotion in front of you while continuing to pay you beneath the poverty line. I’m sorry that I gaslit you into believing that you were a failure and a fraud.

My life will stay in the same dead end rut I’m now until I eventually die with a scarred liver.

Wish you the best,

First boss

From Catholicism [REJECTED, TWICE]

Kana,

Where do I even start? I’m sorry I forced you into a closet so deep and dark that it looked like hell to you. I’m sorry I taught you that the person you are was mental illness. I’m sorry I criminalized your sexuality, even in solitude. I’m sorry for the shroud of secrecy and shame I cast over your whole family.

I’m sorry that the twisted image of a dead man on a cross will hang in the center of your mind for decades, whispering evil lies to you. I’m sorry for the crosses you will carve into your own body on shoulder, chest, wrists, and thighs. I’m sorry I taught you that bloodletting might sanctify you. I’m sorry I taught you that suffering could justify sinfulness, and I’m sorry I taught you that you were sinful. I’m sorry I taught you the notion of sin.

I’m sorry that my charismatic mouthpieces would speak into your life that your self recrimination is true. I’m hurting them too. I’m sorry that I will use you as a mouthpiece to hurt and manipulate others too. I’m sorry that your childhood was filled with my authority, that you were raised by Catholic cops who threw the whole book at you- over, and over again.

I’m sorry that when you wanted to die, I told you that wasn’t okay and to never say it again. I never asked how you were doing again, did I?

I’m sorry that I will co-opt your love of ritual, your love of the profound. I’m sorry that I will steal your trust in your inner voice and use it to strengthen my hold over you. I’m sorry that I will encourage you to humiliate yourself in front of crowds of people countless times in your teen years.

I’m sorry that I will ultimately waste years of your life, that I will stop you from connecting with countless wonderful people, that I will preoccupy your mind with sanctity and goodness, that I will prevent you from truly knowing what is True, and Good, and Beautiful.

I’m sorry I’m still out here doing all of these things to new vulnerable children, new families, a whole new generation.

Regards,

The freaking church

Top 10 Apologies You Needed The Most and Never Got

[letters2am]

1st February 2022 (10:54 PM)

Dear M

I dismissed my feelings for you for the sake of normality, civility, societal rules & what not. I even stopped writing these letters, but today I realised it doesn't matter. For the first time I felt something really strong, after seeing you with your love interest.

I completely understand I am not your match, we are two complicated people, and there is not even a question of you in my life. I am with my husband (now estranged), and he cares deeply for me (as he says). To him, I've confessed that I don't love him anymore & he seems to be appalled by it but wants to turn things around, I'll leave it at that.

All I could do is, be honest with you. You know, I am one of those people who won't find love in their life. I believed it was merely a crush that I had on you and it will pass, but it just won't.

My feelings resurface every now and then, and it hurts to deal with them. I don't know what am I supposed to do with these, I hope they will fade away soon. I am doing okay without you, and I hope you'd be happy, always. When you told me that you are happy these days, I felt relief. I know I never dared to ask you but did my letter do anything for you? I mean, I do imagine that it made you feel special, and you realised that you could love again, and then you decided to leave your soul sucking job & date your flatmate.

You are special though, you are to me. I don't understand why, for the world we have never met before 2019, we've never talked much, I have no idea if you felt that connection with me, but I was smitten the day I saw you. My feelings don't come from a place of desperation, like when wives whose husbands are emotionally unavailable are. I feel for you what I feel for you, it's pure, it's there to stay, but like my letters it's safe with me, only mine not yours to have or see. You are in my dreams, my thoughts, my letters, my diaries and my being. It doesn't get better than that.

I apologise for deciding to archive you in telegram and delete my instagram after seeing you with her, I guess it was spur of the moment reaction, but I'll make peace with it. I will tell you all my stories, all my life. I had a similar thing for a band member of my college and years later I told him that I had a crush on him -- he turned out to be an ass, I am glad that I did tell him. I never spoke to him before that so I think it wasn't unrequited but who cares.

First time I fell in love, he was my best friend in school. We dated for 3-4 months, I was head over heels, writing poetry, couldn't stop smiling whenever I saw him, we'd walk to school together and even while coming back to my bus stop. It was like a dream. Back then, I had no fucking clue what 16 year old boys were capable of, I was naive, I wanted to be his wife, and how most first loves are, he was dating this other girl on the side and next thing I know was him telling me that he just wants to be friends. I think he was doing me a favour by being half honest, I was inconsolable. After having my eyes cried out, I burned my poetry pages and stopped talking to him.

He gave my phone number to every goon-type guy in the city and I was haunted for next 2 years of my life. What an ass! He has been the biggest so far. I also had a weird friendship with this guy I got to know in my first job (I helped him in need), he clung to me like a leech and never let go, any mention of him still sends shivers down my spine. I have blocked him on every social media. It was ugly in the end. I am a complete dunce.

So far, I've not felt any lust for you - just have this warm feeling inside of me that while I am writing all this, you have no idea that I feel this way and yet I am okay because you crossed my path in life, saw me and were kind to me like no other.

Will write soon, bye for now!

-

S