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cultofdixon · 7 months

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Ray of Fucking Sunshine

Negan Smith • She/Her Pronouns • Mess with the little pregnant lady, you mess with so much more • SFW/ANGST/NSFW - Implied Sex / Hickeys • TW: Pregnancy & Birth / Nausea & Vomiting / Over-Protectiveness / Injuries / Mentions of Canon Violence • Pre-Savior Arc

Requested by: Anon

“Wait. Run that back to me, darling?” Negan was confused with what his partner Y/N had just told him.

“It ain’t rocket science understanding that I’m pregnant, baby” Y/N frowns leaning against the counter to the room the two claimed when they found their new home. “This is gonna be one hell of a journey unless you want me to get rid of it. Though I can’t think of a healthy way of doing it. Think they’ve got any coat hangers still lying around?”

“Well aren’t you funny” Negan scoffs followed by a semi annoyed laugh toward her words. He lifted himself up from the bed bringing himself close to Y/N as she started to avoid his gaze. “Hey, don’t hide those gorgeous eyes from me” he gently lifts her chin so her eyes locked with his. “This is a good thing alright? I want to have this baby and if yea don’t…well, I think they’ve got them metal coat hangers around” he jokes making her laugh and bring back that smile of hers followed by his.

“We’re gonna be parents”

“Yeah we are” Negan smiles kissing her lovingly resting his hands on her hips bringing her close as she brought her arms around his neck even if he was much taller than her and had to be on her tippy toes.

When they parted, Negan couldn’t help but picture their future and that brought a sense of warmth to the man.

Their baby is the future of their new community; The Sanctuary

First Trimester

“So you’re replacing me”

“Hey, don’t put words in my mouth” Negan kept his cool when talking to his partner. “You’re pregnant. Can’t handle the heavy shit and it’ll be good to have another right hand. Plus Simon shows promise”

“Simon is a pain in the ass!”

“Alright yea only say that because the man got in your way for just a second”

“I HAD TO PEE DUMBASS. I WOULDVE FUCKING THROWN HIM IF I HAD THE STRENGTH TO” Y/N snapped noticing Negan taking it which led to tears forming in her eyes. “He better not replace me”

“Darling…no one can replace you” Negan reassures gently wiping away her tears taking note that he’ll have to get used to the mood changes.

A knock was heard before the door opened revealing the man they were talking about and Y/N immediately shifted her attention to him.

“I CANT HAVE A SECOND WITH MY PARTNER?! WHO THE FUCK LET YOU COME IN?!”

“I knocked first” Simon laughs which only enraged Y/N more as she approaches him about to say something when her face went pale. Causing his expression to fall. “Uh, you alri—-“ then the vomit instantly spilled from her mouth and onto his shoes. “Oh wow what the actual fuck”

Negan was about to check on her when she slowly stood straight wiping the puke off her mouth with the back of her hand. She suddenly flipped him off to back off before mumbling and walking out of the room leaving the two.

“The fuck just happen?”

“Morning sickness. That might happen more than yea think” Negan sat on the edge of the conference table crossing his arms. “So, about the community yea found while scouting? The Hilltop?”

The next couple days Negan stuck close in the Sanctuary when it came to Y/N and her morning sickness. She still tried to do a few things around the joint when her stomach didn’t want to hold everything. Simon has met the short end of the stick a few times when it came to her not reaching a bucket or the bathroom but he can’t say anything if he wants to get on Negan’s good side.

“Get the new group situated and for the new prisoner? Have Eric break him like he broke the last one. Need more Negans if yea get me”Negan tells Laura one of his trusted soldiers as she nods soon exiting the room letting both Simon and Y/N in. Simon came in with a mockup map made of the Hilltop community while Y/N came in for other reasons but she kept quiet so Negan can talk business first. “We are aiming at Oceanside in the next few days. Laura and David are joining me while I’m trusting you to scout out the Hilltop more to get an insight on. Take that Jared guy or at least another body. Take note on any weak points”

“You got it boss. This is the most recent mock up. Apparently, Y/N over here…snuck into the car I took and took pictures with the camera we’ve got”

“This bitch just had to be a snitch!” Y/N hissed as again, Negan stayed in their community to keep an eye on her but she of course snuck past him. “He was going to give you fucking blobs on a piece of paper! At least I—-“

“I ain’t mad darling. Next time just tell me or who knows who would have to die because of your disappearance” Negan trails his eyes onto Simon indicating he will meet his end if anything happened to his partner. “Anyway, you both did good work. Simon, if yea find their weaknesses…you’ll help with the lineup”

The man light up when he heard that while as for Y/N she only knew that brought blood shed and that didn’t sit well with her…in the physical sense. She quickly shoved Simon with an unexpected strength expelling from her causing him to fall over as they both knew why.

“I’m gonna go check on her. You better have a plan for your further scouting when I get back” Negan states heading out of the conference room to go through the entire sanctuary to reach the private rooms including his and Y/N’s.

It was all coming together if you asked the big man. Their prisoner system with psychological breaking was working, their walker yard was being perfected, their living quarters for more of the “civilian” saviors took up most of the first floor, and they’ve gotten a few things to help this place in a medical sense.

The more graphic horrors didn’t become more noticeable until later.

“Y/N?” Negan calls out pushing the door open to their living quarters finding his partner seated on the floor looking through a box. “You feelin’ better? One of the guys found a case of ginger ale that went untouched. Could get one of’em to….” He stopped rambling bringing himself to sit with her seeing the pictures she was going through that she found.

“Do you miss her?” The sadness in her tone spoke through catching Negan off guard. He doesn’t like the mood swings, or what triggers them.

“Why?” Nice.

“She was your wife…who died of cancer” Negan didn’t keep his past a secret from Y/N and Y/N only. “Now you have me and we’re about to have a baby. I just…makes me wonder if you wish you had this with her”

“Y/N. Look at me” Negan waited for her to do so before getting into it. “I’ll always love my wife and what we had. But that’s the past, and you’re my future”

Y/N wanted to say more but she couldn’t help the soft laugh that escaped her lips as she brought her hand to rest on his cheek.

“That was cheesy…but I loved it” She continues to smile warmly bringing her hand to rest on his cheek feeling the smallest scratch of his beard on her palm.

Negan remained beside her for the rest of the day and only sneaking off when nightfall came. He was quiet about it and surprised himself a tad when it came to not waking his partner. But that didn’t matter when he reached the loading docks to find the trucks ready along with Simon holding Lucille for him.

“Doesn’t she know what you do in the dark, Negan?”

“For the most part. But this? No she doesn’t” Negan brushed past Simon to get to his car. “And if you tell her anything, it’ll be your brain matter on the ground this time”

Second Trimester

“I’ll cut your fucking hand off” Y/N threatens the doctor that Simon brought from one of the communities when he tried to get a blood pressure cuff on her. “I don’t believe you when you say Negan called for you”

“When he said you were feisty. I didn’t believe him. Now I wish I was killed on that wretched day instead of who he did kill” The doc’s words didn’t get a reaction out of the woman which only surprised him slightly but given this was Negan’s partner, the surprise didn’t last. “I’m not an OBGYN. I am trained in a few things but for the most part I am not. But I do know that high blood pressure can cause complications or something even worse”

Of course scarring her was going to get her to cooperate. Even if everyone witnessed Y/N trip the doctor in the common area a couple hours later.

“Yea done with the big man’s wife or what?”

“Yes” The doc informed Simon while the confusion grew on his features. “Why do you want to know? Negan is usually the one to come and meet up with her”

“Yeah well he’s busy and I gotta ask her somethin’. Move” Simon stated pushing the doctor aside not letting him have a moment to process.

Y/N quickly brought her attention onto the man that barged in. Her immediate glare made Simon take a step back.

“You’re not here to escort me anywhere are you? Negan said it was fine for me to take a walk outside after my “appointment” like I fucking needed one”

“Boss man said you haven’t been sleepin’ and that’s mainly why you had to get checked. Plus the new ultrasound machine we got from one of our communities”

“Okay…you sound much calmer than usual when talking to me. Fucking spit it out” Y/N leaned against the exam table with her arms crossed becoming more impatient by the second even if he just got in there. It’s Simon, he annoys her just by breathing and by taking her duties as right hand.

“I need yea to distract him for the night so I can pay a visit to Gregory. Get him to put out more than we’ve been asking from the Hilltop”

“Thought Negan only wanted certain items on a monthly basis”

“Things are changing. I wanna prove to him I am much more useful as a right hand than just a messenger”

“What’s in it for me?” Y/N tilted her head curious as to what Simon is willing to do for her.

Then a few hours passed, Y/N tripped the doc in the common area on her way to her and Negan’s shared room. To her surprise he was already there waiting for her.

“Darling, how was the—-“

“Believe me when I say I’m fine next time. Don’t need that old man checking on me”

“It eases my anxiety, beautiful” Negan laughs rising from the chair to strut over to his woman bringing her into his embrace and kissing her lovingly.

But it only took a second for Y/N to bring more heat to the kiss that Negan instantly matched. He felt her tug at his shirt making him pull away to take his shirt off and before he could kiss her again, Y/N pressed her hand firmly on his chest.

“Lock the door pretty boy” Y/N smirks watching the excitement write itself on his face as he quickly went to the door while she got ready at her speed.

“Fucking love the hormones” Negan whispers to himself while locking the door.

After their fun, the two laid naked under the covers enjoying the quiet as Negan gently rubs his finger tips up and down her bicep while Y/N listens to his heartbeat lying on his chest.

“Baby?”

“Hm?”

“Simon and I were talking…”

“Damn. A full ass conversation with the man that annoys yea? Should I be worried?” Negan teases only for Y/N to side eye him.

“Don’t be funny. I’m trying to be serious here”

“Okay okay, you and Simon talked. About what?”

“What we could do to improve the Sanctuary a bit more than what we’ve already been doing and as much as I fucking hate it, Simon can take initiative” Y/N shifted a bit to get more comfortable on Negan as she brought her hand to rest on her belly. “I’ve been told I gotta take it easy. Even if I really want to check out our outposts”

“Mmm…I’ll hear Simon out, but if he don’t pitch it right—-“

“Thats on his bitchass. But it can work. Amongst other things. Like a goddamn garden would be nice” Y/N started to trail as her mind tended to do that more during the pregnancy, trail before inevitably blank. Which happened then before she remembered as she carefully sat up letting her man enjoy the naked view for a moment while she left the bed.

Negan sat up watching her go to her pile of clothes on the ground carefully crouching to grab her jeans. “Yea sure I can fully trust Simon with this?”

“Yeah. I’m sure. Trust me, baby…I would rather be your right hand and taking care of business. But things be changing. Especially with this” Y/N returned to the bed handing Negan a series of photos. The printing option in the ultrasound machine was old but it still got a few good pictures of their bean. “All that matters is that we’re safe for him”

“Him? Huh?!” Negan smiles wide before instantly wrapping his arms around his girl listening to her laugh as she tried to get comfortable. “We’re having a boy?! How can yea even tell on this damn thing?!”

His excitement eased her worries about her pregnancy as it all hit her realizing she’s about to have a baby in the apocalypse. Anything could happen.

Simon was called into the conference room the next day to discuss his plan with Negan and a few others to help his proceed with such. All while Y/N stood in an empty room close to the room she shared with Negan as she was given it to make into the nursery. It’s not Simon’s fault that Negan is busy…he’s been doing a lot for the Sanctuary. He has three communities to look after, he’s taken out the others. There’s the few outposts needing monitoring every now and then. Then of course the meet ups, the collection, and the prisoner system.

Leaving her alone to take care of getting it prepared. Amongst dealing with the mentality as the time gets closer…

Third Trimester

Simon quickly dodged the glass thrown at his head when he went to check on Y/N as a request from Negan who was currently busy.

“You’re a crazy bitch”

“And you’re a bald one. What do you want?”

“Negan asked—-“

“Nope. Get the fuck out” Y/N frowns looking away from the door knowing he’s most likely still there which led her to grabbing her canteen and tossing it in his direction. “If he asked why doesn’t—-

“I’m here! I’m here. Clearly sending Simon to yea wasn’t gonna work” Negan laughs patting Simon on the shoulder before giving him a glare for the man to leave immediately as his features relaxed turning back to his wife. “So, how are yea feeling?”

“How am I feeling? I’m stuck on bedrest and everything still hurts”

“You fell not that long ago. Makes sense that shit still hurts” Negan brought himself to her side of the bed sitting on the edge. “And you shouldn’t throw shit at Simon for checking on yea for me——“

“No! I’ll do what I want. Even if that means almost hurting the fucking moron helping the other moron for not checking on his damn wife himself.“ Y/N scoffs turning away from Negan as the later she was in the pregnancy the more prone to tears she was compared to the other way around.

“Yknow what, give me five” Negan got up leaving the room as Y/N grabbed another thing to throw at Simon if he comes in his place.

But right before Y/N could launch the book she grabbed, Negan was the one to come back with his hands up.

“Jesus Christ woman”

“Why’d you leave?!”

“To hand off my duties to fucking Simon. Just until everything is situated. Alright?” Situated meaning…til the baby is out and a few months.

It was a lot to give to Simon. Not that he minded, not that it was gonna matter.

“This room is small”

“What do you mean? It’s the biggest room in the facility?”

“Okay well I’m a huge ugly monster that takes up most the room. So if you don’t move, I will push you over”

“For the record, I think you’re beautiful” Negan smiles kissing Y/N’s cheek as she was trying to leave the room after being given the ok to walk. She smacked him in the chest in a more playful manner even with the intense force behind it. “You shouldn’t do anythin’ crazy. I’m not helicoptering around you for you to end up falling again”

“I fell without you around so whose fault is that?” Y/N suddenly stops in her tracks, blankly staring as Negan quickly moved over the bed bringing himself in front of her.

“What is it? What’s wrong? Is it the baby? Are you—-“

“Jesus” Y/N patted his cheek before continuing onto what she was doing. “Just forgot what else I was gonna say”

“Holy shit woman. You’re gonna be the death of me”

“Good!” She shouted already have left the bedroom that it just now registered to Negan that she did. He quickly—-not by much—caught up to Y/N as she continues down the hall to the next room.

“Where are yea taking me, darling?”

“To something we should’ve done together but I gave up that thought halfway through doing it. You found everything I just had to organize it” Y/N stated as she pushes open the door to the nursery moving out of her partner’s way to check the place out himself.

Negan stood there for a while, stuck in his own thought as Y/N gave him a concerned look when he hasn’t said anything.

“I uh. Missed out on too much didn’t I?” Negan questions, not being given an immediate answer as he brought himself to hold her face carefully in his hands. “I promise yea darling. I won’t miss anymore of this life we’re making”

“You better, Smith.” Y/N instantly jabbed his side making him laugh along with her as she grabs at his leather jacket pulling him down to her level kissing him. “Goddamnit” she gasped when parting from her partner as he gently lifted her chin to look at him but she instantly smacked his hand away. “Fuck me”

“Well not in here but—-“ Negan’s smirk instantly fell when Y/N pushed him back. “Okay. What’s happening??”

“I’m fucking popping” Y/N frowns as the discomfort grew on her face resulting in the panic to finally set in for her man.

“Holy SHIT. FUCK! IM GONNA BE A DAD” Negan screams pulling away to get into the hallway to yell at a Savior to get the doctor while Y/N smacks him on the back on her way past him, wobbling her way back to their room. “We should go to—-“

“I won’t make it to the fucking infirmary”

“Alright well let me carry yea—-“

“YOU TOUCH ME NOW AND I BITE YOUR FUCKING DICK OFF” Y/N snapped, obviously not wanting to be touched at the moment as she continued on her way with Negan following quickly.

This was going to be a long couple hours

Or so she thought

“You’re doing so great hun” Negan reassures brushing the hair sticking to her face from the sweat as her whole body fought against her with the contractions. Making everything hotter was one thing.

“Fuck off” Y/N groans throwing her head back against his chest as he rubs smoothly strokes up and down her arm even if she couldn’t focus on the feeling.

A fucking human was ripping her in half and that was all she focused on. Until—-

“I see the head” the doctor informed also meaning it was getting close but Y/N wasn’t having it.

“I can’t…Please I just can’t” Y/N sobbed in pain as her body shook from all the agony her body was enduring. “I can’t anymore”

“Darling…the pain will pass once our son is here. Just breathe and hold onto me” Negan reassures feeling her hands grip onto his hands on either side of her as she took a few deep breaths.

“I would be careful with the next push so you don’t tea—-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HELP GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME” Y/N hissed at the doc one last time as she felt a contraction come on leading her to finally push.

The pain will pass once our son is here

And it did.

Y/N never seen the man cry as much as he did right then and there while his son was gently placed in her arms. Oh he’s so perfect she thought as the sobs filled the room which was left to them once everything was okay again.

She didn’t want to let go of their baby boy even when Negan argued that she carried him for nine months. She held him close and protectively until the exhaustion finally got to her, leading her to finally let her son be held by his father.

“He’s so perfect” Y/N smiles tiredly resting her eyes as Negan gently kisses her forehead letting her sleep.

Negan was still feeling every overwhelmed feeling in his chest as the tears kept falling when he looked at his son.

“I won’t let anything happen to you…ever, Max”

#cultofdixon #the walking dead #negan smith fanfiction #negan smith #negan smith x reader

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youngpettyqueen · 16 days

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💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

For DS9 <3

cracks my knuckles

alright so ive kinda covered the infantilization of Julian Bashir in my last answer and this is somewhat related because when people do this with him they also tend to make him out to be a lot more insecure than he is in canon, and in relation to that they also make him a total doormat who just lets people walk all over him which is. absolutely not what he's like. at all

Julian does have some degree of self-loathing and imposter syndrome but I think its vitally important to understand this as his anger and loathing being directed towards what was done to him. its not as simple as him hating himself- he hates what was done to him, so while there is a degree of self-loathing, that anger is also directed outwards at his parents and every doctor who had a part in augmenting him

I think takes where Julian is deeply insecure about being, like, really talkative are just incorrect. I dont read that from him at all. Julian is very unapologetically and loudly himself and he doesnt apologize for any of it. his confidence in himself is one of his defining character traits. ive seen takes that all of that is a front and I just dont agree with those takes. I agree that he has some degree of insecurity and that is related to his augmentations and some imposter syndrome based on that, but when it comes to things like how much he talks, his difficulties with reading social cues, I dont think he's particularly insecure. again, this is in relation to the very popular headcanon that Julian is autistic, and people take the traits he has that are common autistic traits, and make him insecure about them, and that tends to lead straight into takes I see where people make him out to be a doormat who cant stand up for himself

I genuinely have no idea where the fanon version of Julian that is incapable of sticking up for himself comes from. ive seen it in some fics, and in some headcanons, and it makes me wonder if we watched the same show. I dont think Julian cares all that much about jokes made at his expense about how chatty he is or how childish he can be. the one time I can think of that we see him get even slightly upset by jokes of that nature is when everyone is ganging up on him for his holosuite programs, and even then, he's not insecure about it he's annoyed cause he's being ganged up on by multiple people. Miles makes a lot of jokes at his expense and thats their general banter- Julian gives it back as good as he gets. same with Garak. ive seen people act like Miles telling Julian the Changeling was better was a horrible heartless thing and sure, it wasn't a great thing to say, but thats just. how they talk to each other. the cornerstone of their dynamic is them ribbing each other. same with how Miles and especially Garak will joke about Julian's augmentations- ive seen people act like this is horrible on their ends, while I read it as its their way of normalizing it for Julian and showing their acceptance of it. and if Julian really didnt like it, he would say something. he's not shy!

idk I feel like some of that might come from The Wire in how Julian sits back and takes Garak's yelling at him and attacking him, but to me thats just Julian being really good at handling a crisis situation. as someone who deals with crisis situations as part of my job, what Julian is doing is just trying to de-escalate the situation. he's keeping himself very neutral and letting Garak rant- if he were to snap back in that moment, it would only escalate things further, which he was trying to avoid. this is exactly what youre supposed to do when faced with someone in crisis. its also worth mentioning that Garak was going through agonizing withdrawals, so I doubt Julian was taking anything Garak was saying to heart. he responds to him like he's taking him seriously, for the purpose of de-escalating the situation and trying to calm Garak down. thats not an indication that Julian is incapable of standing up for himself and will just let himself be walked over, but rather that he just. knows how to handle a crisis

the infantilized oh-so-innocent deeply insecure eternally bullied Julian Bashir that I see exist in some fanon circles is just. so bizarre to me. it takes so much of nuance away from his character and im not sure what for? ive seen it used in some fics to bolster Garak up as this protector for him and im not a fan of twisting their dynamic to be like that, it takes a lot of the intricacies of their dynamic away in favour of loading them up with tropes. I think people forget that Julian very successfully kept his augmentations hidden for over half his life and would've continued to keep them hidden if his parents hadn't fucked it all up. I also think people forget that Julian is perfectly capable of and WILL stick up for himself, and that a lot of his anger at his situation is directed outward. turning him into this weird version of himself that is very woe-is-me just does nothing for me and is very divorced from how he actually is. he's snappy and rude as hell when he wants to be, he's not taking shit lying down, doesnt matter who it comes from

also a smaller thing but it annoys me every time cause I get it in notes on my posts. when people say Julian's self-sacrificing tendencies come from his need to be useful I wanna whack them with a rolled up newspaper. its because he wants to SAVE PEOPLE it is explicitly about SAVING PEOPLE he isnt trying to die to be useful his goal when he runs through fire is to help and to save because he is, at his core, a doctor and a healer!! its about the preservation of life and doing everything he can!! its not about this weird complex fanon gives him where he needs to be useful or die trying to justify his existence or whatever I dont read that at all from him. he's just that determined to save lives

hope you enjoyed this ramble I have many thoughts and feelings on this

#star trek: ds9 #julian bashir #people kept getting him wrong in my notes the other day can you tell it annoyed me #ive been so strong not starting arguments on the internet #this is a wonderful excuse to rant #it annoys me so much when people make him into a helpless baby #he is quite literally not like that #at all #its such a disservice to his character to act like he is

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ellitx · 8 months

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I think yandere Venti would 100% steal his windblumes voice if they refuse to comply with him. He just takes his zipper and zips your lips just like that, and not even a peep can come out. Like yes it’s very against his morals but you’re just driving him off the wall! He’s not going to hurt you…physically. But when you wake up one morning after leaving him scorned,refusing to sing for him even though he’s PLEADING to hear your pretty voice…

You just don’t have a voice.

“Well, Windblume, what’s the point in having that angelic voice of yours if you won’t sing for me? You didn’t want to, so I did you a favor!”

Nonnie 👁️ the possibility venti can do while your voice is lost GRR

yknow how ursula stole ariel’s voice? Something like that and now that you’re mute how are you going to ask for help? Well you CANT.

whenever you try to approach any bypassing citizen about your current situation, they’d quickly run away bcs they thought you were a beggar. Parents will immediately pull their children close to them and whisper to ignore you.

As for the knights of favonius, they have now given you a warning that you’re scaring everyone and it irks you that you cant speak. They were kind enough to give you a pen and paper to write your explanation but the wind keeps ruining your plan. If you try writing inside, the windows were somehow open and the winds surge through that yet again made all the papers fly all over the place.

Venti then “came in time” to explain your situation. He has that fake smile, apologizing to the knights for causing a commotion on your behalf.

“I’m really sorry if my partner here is causing you trouble. She’s unable to speak and I assure you she was just seeking help for directions since she easily gets lost.” He explains. His hand slithers to your sides and your skin crawl when he gives you that warning grip you know well.

You hate Venti does all the talking for you. You hate how he can lie so easily. You hate how his face carries such fake sincerity whenever he comes to take you back after getting the chance to get away from him. You wish this was some cruel joke. But its not. It feels as though there is no escape for you anymore.

#ellianswers #anon ask #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #venti x reader #yandere venti x reader #yandere genshin impact x reader

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bianotbia · 10 months

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— 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 [𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐧]

˗ˏˋ you promised astarion to find a way of curing his vampirism and you'll do whatever it takes to accomplish it ˎˊ˗

⤷ a/n : This IS completely ooc and probably isn't canon at all, I'm just sad I can't play the game. I admit this could've been better but I did my best cause he's pretty and the lore is amazing <3 I hope astarion fans are kind to me :')

⤷ contains : gn! archfey warlock! reader x astarion, angst, suggestive, a bit of fluff, mentions of blood, bruises and scars, psychological abuse and trauma [wc: 4.5k]

⤷ taglist : @lemondrop-symphony / @i-literally-cant-with-this

⤷ now playing : a whole new world by zayn & zhavia ward

I can show you the world

Shining, shimmering, splendid

Tell me, princess, now when did

You last let your heart decide?

I can still hear the deafening silence of that fading morning, the sight of the corpses of my parents and brother laying so peacefully on their beds after succumbing to an ancient curse would haunt me forever. First came silence within cold halls and muted walls that listened but never replied, then came the voices and mutterings that made company to this lost soul that believed would never be happy again. As months went by, hunger grew along with the despair of meeting the same end as my family, cloaked by the shadows of an alley I longingly gazed at a fruits stand a few meters away “Why don’t you take one, child?” a voice echoed in my head “They come from the forest, from my long lost home, I can assure you they are property of no man” I look down at my wrists and the fresh red marks that still adorn them from my last theft. “Don’t worry child, leave it to me” I felt magic coursing through my veins and surrounding my body the air around me became hazy as I stumbled ahead, frightened eyes meeting the merchant’s ones who only looked away as if I was never really there. With a feast worthy of any king I indulged in fruits and breads brought to me by the wonders of magic “I see you enjoy your well deserved meal” it wasn’t a whisper anymore that talked to me “You're a smart child, I believe you already know I’m not coming from your inner self” I didn’t reply it, I never do, living in a half elvian and half human house provided me with knowledge of ancient beings and higher forces that are never meant to be fully trusted. “I’ve been observing you for a while and I might say we can be a great pair. What do you say about making a deal?” I shivered slightly and remembered the dim days that haunted me and the darker ones that laid ahead “Your unquestioning loyalty for anything you want…power, knowledge, protection…and even company”. The lively sounds of the streets seemed to die out and memories of that deafening silence flooded back “...Deal” a low chuckle echoed inside “Wonderful, I hope I can count on your loyalty from now on my dear child” unfortunately my stomach still rumbles and fear still desolates my soul “I always keep my promises”. Ancient fey runes burned across my tender flesh and just like that my broken soul pledged allegiance to something I so desperately wanted to rely on. I prayed for the gods to get back what I’d lost and they took everything I had left.

I can open your eyes

Take you wonder by wonder

Over, sideways and under

On a magic carpet ride

Among bugs and weird shadows, the party returned to the secluded camp after another tiring quest, blood dripping in the dirty ground as we all stumbled to safety “Look I really like you guys and all but honestly I prefered when I worked alone y’know, quiet as a shadow and not with a damn loud wizard, a githyanki and a flamboyant vampire” Lae’zel huffed and gripped my shoulder menacingly “I'll let it slide this time, sweety pie” with nervous laughter I lifted my arms in playful surrender “Alright, alright! It’s just a joke!”. Finally settled, we all arranged our spots and started healing the daily wounds and planning what would be our next step on this mission. The smell of food could already be felt through the camp, after getting myself clean and all patched up I look over to a certain vampire struggling to stitch a tiny cut on his forehead, “Need a hand there” he sighed and handed me a bottle of healing solution “A complete disaster it would be if I ever ended up with a scar on my face. How could I ever live knowing there is an horrendous cut on it?” I let out a giggle as I finished the stitches “It's really not that bad don't worry”. The camp grew silent as most of the party members fell into deep slumber “You know you could have asked anyone else to heal this with magic” Astarion shrugged and scoffed “Don’t really trust Gale and his big hands or Shadowheart with her suspicious stares” I hummed and gazed at the clear night sky “Did you really mean it when you said you prefer working alone as you used to?” the cicadas sang between the bushes and filled the sudden silence “Not really actually, I like your company” his amused laugh warmed my heart “Mine or these inconvenient companions” a smile grew on my lips “I'm really happy I met all of you. I just want to end this nightmare and go back to normal” the vampire scoffed “I don't think normal is suitable to describe our early lives…especially mine” I laid my head on his shoulder “Sometimes I forget you're a vampire” at least he doesn't fidget anymore when I come closer “Well I can't have this luxury” for a moment I recall hidden memories of a forgotten past “...What if I promised to find a way to heal your vampirism” he let out a tired sight “I would say you finally turned out insane” his crimson eyes might appear distant yet there's still hope calling from beyond this mask “I will make sure you have a happy ending Astarion, just like you deserve” he rises from where we were sitting “Well be my guest, let's see if you can keep your word child” a shiver went down my spine as I saw him drifting into the shadows “I always keep my promises”.

A whole new world

A new fantastic point of view

No one to tell us "no"

Or where to go

Or say we're only dreaming

Later that night, when our emotions dampened and tiredness got the best of us, everybody laid soundly on their mats, unfortunately there have been years already that I didn't go a single night without a bad dream or rather without an encounter with my patron. The whimsical scenario before me looked familiar, a lake of dark waters found ominously in the middle of a forest cloaked by the night, resembling a clear mirror reflecting the starry sky above. As always I'm standing in its middle, somewhere where I can't clearly see the borders or anything beyond. The water hits my waist while my bare chest remains exposed and vulnerable out of it, unlike he that stands before me, vines covering most of his naked body, his greenish skin scintillating under the crescent moon and antlers imposingly reaching for the sky – Oberon, the king of forests and father of all faeries – extended his clawed hand towards me. “Tell me child what afflicts your soul tonight, you seem more restless than usual” I slowly walked towards him “I need your help. I need to help him” he made a disapproving expression “Who? The vampire? Not my favorite creatures” “Please, I promised him I would at least try to search for a cure” Oberon clicked his tongue yet his gaze changed “You know that's not how things work child, vampirism is a curse for life…however I believe there's something you could try, but only if you are willing to give up a part of your own self for it” I looked defiantly at him “I did it once I believe I can do it again” his dark grin grew even larger “Oh a child in love, can anything be more sweet than that. Fair enough, the Crossed Fates is a simple ritual for lovers who are willing to change their own fates with the one of their other half” his words started to sink in and until realization hit, he hummed “However be aware that you need to be sure he’s truly in love with you or else who knows what might happen” his mocking expression didn't calm my uneasy heart, Oberon traced his fingers over my cheek and chuckled “I know very well what's the look of someone in love, it isn't about you I'm worried about…” my stomach twisted with his words “I made him a promise and I always keep my word” “Oh I'm sure about that” after vanishing in thin air I blink a few times and look around but he’s no longer there, the sky above was now starless adorned solely by a full blood moon, I looked down at my hands and saw them stained with a crimson thick liquid just like the one that now surrounded me while I got pulled back into unconsciousness, a lonesome scream ripping through my throat gets lost into the night.

A whole new world

A dazzling place I never knew

But when I'm way up here

It's crystal clear

That now I'm in a whole new world with you

Day after day we fought our enemies and got a little bit closer to our destiny yet the promise I did echoed louder each time I thought about Astarion. After days of adventures in hostile land we left the wilderness and finally arrived at the city of Baldur's Gate, a place I once called home, whose dirty streets brough memories of darker memories still imprinted on the corners of my stained mind. Before we continued our mission we decided to split up and recharge, for the worst is yet to come, everyone went on to do what they desired but not Astarion who seemed quite uneasy on this familiar ground “Unsolved business here?” he huffed “Too many to count, but I rather not think about them now” thinking about cheering him up a little bit I proposed “Would you accompany me to some drinks?” a smirk appeared on his handsome face “How can I say no to that” together we stepped into the restless pulse of the city. After a few drinks at the Elfsong Tavern I decided to show him a special place I used as a hideout for many years, through dark alleys and high roofs we finally reached the peak of a church's tower majestically reaching for the heavens above. Near the grandiose bells, was a small dusty chamber, now completely empty if not for a small chest on a dim lit corner, I picked its lock and found inside a forgotten treasure of my earlier years, tons of little relics, silver watches, golden rings, shiny daggers, dazzling through the dirt. Astarion observed the artifacts inside until his gaze landed on a certain necklace, a golden chain adorned with a shimmering emerald “What's this doing here?” I gazed at the jewelry on his hand then at him “I lied to you” the vampire furrowed his brows, his hands clenched around the stone and he took a deep breath “About what dear?” “We've already met before once…here in Baldur’s Gate” his face morphed into one of confusion and shock “We did? How? I think I would have remembered a pretty face like yours” the smile on his face didn't last long “I wasn’t so sure when we met at the beach but I knew you resembled someone. A few years ago I was at a tavern thinking about ways of completing a task for my patron when I saw a pale elf sitting nearby gazing with distant eyes at the dancing bodies” he gulped down “You locked eyes with me and came closer to where I was sitting, something told me you weren’t a normal elf. After whispering something on my ear the only thing I remember is feeling the necklace in my hand”. Astarions breathing seemed uneven and his gaze somewhere far away in time “Later that night I saw you leaving the tavern, you looked back at me a bit hesitant but just turned away” the quietness above the busy streets was comforting and the warm breeze somehow evoked those forgotten days “What a small world we live in, to ever wonder we would meet again in such circumstances'' he sadly smiled. “Would you ever live in Baldur's Gate again Astarion?” I asked “I believe there's far too many memories here which I rather let it rot in oblivion” sitting shoulder to shoulder with him I reached for his hand “I’m no foreign to the feelings you carry, I too know how it is to be lost…just a puppet in someone else's hands. But that doesn't mean you can’t find a new destiny for yourself” he gracefully intertwined our fingers and for once in so long the silence in my mind felt pleasant to my heart.

Unbelievable sights

Indescribable feeling

Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling

Through an endless diamond sky

The sky grew darker and darker, we all decided it was better to meet at the tavern and rent a few rooms for us to rest, at least among cheers and warm candle lights things didn’t feel as bad as they were, for a brief moment we could taste how it is to live a normal life, a life without whispers, dark marks or devil contracts. But he was still there, he still came to me every night, a curse and a blessing I’m fated to live till the end of my days. The cheerful laugher and loud chatting seem so distant until I feel Gale tapping on my shoulder and asking to have a word with me in private, when we found an isolated room he turned to me with a worried expression “Look I’m not gonna beat around the bush, you may not be a wizard or a sorcerer but you have great magic in your hands” I wonder where he’s trying to get and he continued “Honestly in all my years of knowledge I never heard or seen anything on recovering vampirism. So I don’t know what you're thinking about doing or what your patron promised you, it won’t work”. I opened my mouth but no words left “...How did you?” “Astarion seems a little drunk right now and is boasting to everyone how he likes you more than all of us, how you understand and cares for him, and that you promised to cure him” I let out a tired breath “Look everything is under control. I know what I'm doing” the wizard raised his hands in surrender “Alright but you know better than anyone that every magic has a price. Just promise me you won’t hurt yourself?” the whispers got louder in my ears as I motioned to leave “I don’t think I can promise you that…but sure I'll try” I left Gale behind and went to my room, unaware that behind the shadows of the night a certain vampire listened to our conversation.

A whole new world (Don't you dare close your eyes)

A hundred thousand things to see (Hold your breath, it gets better)

I'm like a shooting star

I've come so far

I can't go back to where I used to be

The evening got quieter but the thoughts inside didn’t cease, I prepared a bath hoping to scratch down all of the tiredness that weighed me down and the dirt accumulated within all those days in the wilderness. The voices in the hallways could still be heard yet they seemed far away, the stillness of the water reminded me a bit too much of my nightmares yet it still feels calming enough for a sore soul. The stars danced out of the window in the great sky above, so hypnotizing I didn’t even hear the door unlocking. “Oh what I would give up to share this bath with you darling” the familiar velvety voice pulled me back to reality “Good lord! Don't sneak on me like that” I shot a glare at him as he leaned at the door frame laughing “So…what do you say?” I muttered a consent and looked away as he slowly undressed and got into the tub. Even if we were a lot more intimate than when we started, I still wasn’t used to having someone so close to me “Don’t need to get all shy, little thief. I’m not mad about my stolen necklace” I leaned my head on the edge of the tub “That’s not really what I was thinking now” “Oh really then tell me what do you have in mind” I silenced a gasp took a breath and asked him “What would you like to do when this is all over?” he cocked his brow surprised “Huh not expecting that…well I can see myself in a splendid, enormous and bright mansion far away. Living my days in frivolous delight with someone to make me company” I can't help but let out a giggle “I'll pretend I believe that, so who would be that someone?” “Oh darling don't play oblivious, who else would I share my happy ending other than the one who promised it to me” I could feel his fingers caressing mine under the water “Must be nice living a quiet life…I’ll keep my word Astarion”. The elf had a sad smile on his face as we sat together in silence “Not that I was spying on you but I've heard your talk with Gale, so you did find a solution after all” “I could say so I guess, didn't expect you would tell everyone about it” “I might have gotten a tad excited. But about your conversation with the wizard, it's not something risky, is it?” “Don’t worry about it. I've done many rituals, it will go out fine” he hummed and I gazed at the moonlight again. “Do you love me?” Astarion widened his eyes with the sudden question, his mouth opened but didn't made a sound while I let out a nervous laugh “I’m sorry, I don't know where that came from, you don’t have to answer that… you should have seen your face tho” he anxiously furrowed his brows and averted his gaze “Well…If love means wanting to share your curses and blessings, your nightmares and dreams, the worst and best days of yours life, then perhaps…I do” now it was my turn to go speechless, he comes closer and carefully puts a strand of my hair behind my ear slowly leaning in, our lips barely touching each other like soft feathers of angels finally descending into desire. His hands wandered through my skin as our tongues moved in sync until we pulled apart breathless, he leaned back at the tub and I laid my head on his chest, slender fingers traveled along the runes on my skin while trailing the remaining cracks of a lost soul.

A whole new world

With new horizons to pursue

I'll chase them anywhere

There's time to spare

Let me share this whole new world with you

The veil of dreams fell as swiftly as a feather across the starless sky, the red moon seemed brighter than ever above the eerie waters that once again surrounded me. A little far ahead stood Oberon, with dark piercing eyes and the condescending smile that never left his lips “The big night is coming, are you ready for it child?” my stomach sank “I-I’m starting to…doubt if I should really do this” he mockingly hummed “Scared of him not loving you enough or perhaps are you finally realizing your dark destiny. Are you willing to go that far for him?” the whispers inside started to grow louder “A broken soul can’t heal another broken soul, one of them is alway bound to break a little more” the air in my lungs seemed to vanish “We still have a contract, you shouldn't get distracted by silly emotions. You know you’ll have to let him go after the ritual, why would he want a reminder of the past he so desperately wants to forget” a knot forms on my throat “Shut up!...please” tears travel down my face “I don’t want to lose him too…you’ll still be here right?” sharp claws traced my jaw and lifted my chin to look at his maddening irises “I won’t ever leave your side darling”. Once again he disapeared in thin air, under the red ominous waters I could feel palms climbing up my legs and gripping my torso, no sound left my mouth as I desperately tried to free myself from that strong grasp pulling me to dark oblivion. My heart felt like it would burst out off my chest, however I start to feel a tight grip on my wrists pinning me down on the bed as I slowly get back to my senses, only to see Astarion’s fangs dangerously nearing my neck, his touch besited when he noticed the scared look in my eyes “Pardon me darling…I believe tonight's occurrences made me a bit too excited” feeling him above me made my heart beat even faster making the grip he holds around my wrists tight but still letting go “You did seemed a bit restless, a nightmare perhaps?” I nodded “Nothing unusual about that…tomorrow at dawn we’ll leave to the forest to do the ritual” his brows raised in surprise but still he quietly assented “then I believe it’s better for me to leave the room, before any other accidents happen and so you can properly rest” he motioned to leave the bed when I reached for his bare torso, sliding my hands around his waist and softly pulling him back having my chest pressed to his back “I think I can handle you like this” feeling his stiff body slowly ease under my touch as we both fell in sweet slumber.

A whole new world

A new fantastic point of view

No one to tell us "no"

Or where to go

Or say we're only dreaming

The sun rose in a scintillating sky as we woke up at the break of dawn just as the city started its bustle and liveliness, together we made our way towards a secluded forest nearby where Oberon advised us to do the ritual. For a little while we walked in silence until Astarion thought it was too quiet “I would like to know what exactly is going to happen on this ritual, given the fact I’m practically putting my life on your hands here” I thought about it “Fair enough. There isn’t much mystery around it actually, we’ll get inside a lake and make a cut in our palms, after that we face each other with our fingers interlocked, I’ll recite an enchantment and when you least expect goodbye fangs” he seemed to expected something more “Huh quite simple, what about the whole thing of every magic has its price that Gale mentioned, what’s the price?” my throat went dry “Don’t worry I took care of that already”. It was a long way until we finally found the place mentioned, crooked trees and weavering shadows encircling an eerie lake so clear it could almost be considered a mirror, the only thing left now is to wait for the rise of the blood moon. The clock seemed to go backwards until the time finally came, I took Astarion’s hand and led him until the dark waters reached our waists “Are you ready?” I took a dagger out of my pocket “Would you let me have the honor, I might say I’m more experienced with sharp things” he took my hand into his and caressed my palm, before I could even realize the cut was made the warm liquid already dripped into the lake, he took a sharp breath and quickly made the same to his own hand. We positioned ourselves facing each other, raised our palms and intertwined our fingers, the ancient words of the incantation dripped from my tongue as I’ve known it forever until I let out a long breath. “I-I lied…about the price to pay” the grip on my hand tightened “What are you talking about? You seem to lie quite a lot for someone that claims to always keep their word, don’t you?” I looked around noticing a far too familiar shadow hidden behind the trees “Just enough for the right thing to happen. I’m sorry…it’s for your own good” when the final words of the ritual leave my lips the last thing I remember is our hands letting go of each other and our bodies falling into the mysterious water.

A whole new world (Every turn, a surprise)

With new horizons to pursue (Every moment red-letter)

I'll chase them anywhere

There's time to spare

Let me share this whole new world with you

The natural mirror reflected the downward red moon until a hand broke away from its stillness, Astarion surged from the depths of it gasping for air and coughing up the water in his lungs, as he tried to steady himself in the uneven ground below he finally sees, a bright reflection weavering through the water ondulations looking back at him, as he runs his hands through his own face a loud laugh escapes his mouth and echoes beyond the crooked trees “It worked, it worked! You did it! … darling?” the wide smile in his lips slowly faded out. As he looked around the only movement on the water was the waves around his own movements, back to the dark depths he desperately searched for the one he so much needed, anxious hands reaching for something familiar in this unanny place. After a few moments our fingertips finally meet each other as he quickly pulled my limp body out of the water, dragging it to the shallow part “No no no! What have you done?” brushing off the damped hair out of my face I felt a feverish haze spreading through all over my fles, unconsciously gripping on his shirt and coughing up the water I swallowed, he held me closely into his arms until his hands moved to my back and touched through the damped fabric of my shirt markings that are far too familiar to him, demonic imprints he was more than sure didn’t belong on my skin “Darling…what is this? What did you do?” the fear was clear on his voice as tears falled down my now crimson eyes and got lost in those hollow waters “I kept my promise…it was the only way” his face morphed into one of pain and disbelief finally seeing the fangs he was once used to having “No…No! This isn't fair…you know I hate when you play hero” I gazed at Astarion’s bright green irises and reached a finger to dry the tears that cascaded down his face “I always knew you had such pretty eyes” he rested his forehead on mine and whispered “Having you by my side was already the happiest ending I could ever wish for, my love”.

A whole new world (A whole new world)

That's where we'll be (That's where we'll be)

A thrilling chase (A wondrous place)

For you and me

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion x tav #baldurs gate 3 imagine #bg3 astarion #astarion x reader #bg3 imagine #bg3 x reader #baldurs gate astarion

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ghousttm · 2 months

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made my old sona into a Milo sona bc i think she'd fit it well

buhhh manipulation, bullying, abusive relationship trigger warning (the average yandere shenanigans yk)

Kit's a sweet person. They were raised surrounded by good people and had grown up to be a good and kind person who knows its really wrong to do anything that hurts others and its really right to appeal to people

(ig- ignore pee milo its an inside joke. 😭)

Kit grew up doted, everything always being done for her by her parents. She grew up sheltered, rarely ever meeting anyone, and when she does.. they've always fortunately been people who are kind.

so she talks sweet, she acts sweet, she is sweet and kind because she was taught to, raised to. And she would've stayed sweet .. if it wasnt for You.

She's grown up rather .. Clueless. Gullible. Naive. Asides that she's also A Pushover. Lonely. People Pleaser. She's never had anything going on for her after all.. she NEEDS people. She NEEDS you

Even as Ryan pulled her hair, threw away her notebooks, punched and kicked her. She thought .. "He's just roughhousing! Playing around- y'know? Hehe.. he's just.. playing around. I cant be such a baby and complain about it.." she believes everyone would only have good intentions, just not the best ways to do those good intentions, so she's patient and kind still .. like she was always taught

what a ray of fucking sunshine

day Kit met You. Who'd teach her that Ryan ISN'T her friend. And teach her how to 'defend herself', or how to 'make friends'

And, almost like it was natural for Kit, he'd get into it reeall easy. You dont even need to convince her 'its okay to do' because for some reason.. as she stood over the bodies of her massacre. as she witnessed the conflict she caused. she didnt feel bad.

she felt.. "wow... that was fun!"

Kit does have one drawback though.. she doesn't actually care about anyone. She never had, and she doesn't even really care about You. No matter how much you've done for her. She's just not a very grateful person once she's got everything she needs to be on her own

At some point in both routes .. Kit will start her own thing

Joining some gang if it were the violence route 'to better protect you' she said, only to never even meet you in person again to fuck around

Straying away from you and your friend group on his own to join another one, even flirting with other people

So, so ungrateful.

But, that's okay. In both scenarios .. they're still very obviously dependent on some group. All you need to do, is take everything away, break his metaphorical legs with a sniper gun, save her and be there for her just before it all falls down or watch her come crawling back pathetically

Make her believe you're the only one she can really trust, she can really depend on out here. Then I promise, the attachment will only come naturally, obsessively

oughgh that boiled egg did NOT taste good i dont think it was still good

#perfectlovevn #perfect love vn #perfect love oc #perfect love milo sona #ghoust oc

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vani-ash · 2 months

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In response to this post by @emberfaye

I have forgotten what i was originally talking about, but i think my point was kim isn't rude to people for no reason. (this will probably become off topic sorry in advance 😔🙏)

When Big first goes to see Kim, when Kim asks who it is Big doesn't say ' its Big' he says 'its me' which if they were at least somewhat close/friendly/on good terms would make sense. I don't imagine you would usually introduce yourself with 'its me' to your boss which is part of the mafia, seems a little disrespectful/too informal?

Also Kim is clearly aware of Big's feelings of Kinn so unless Big is going around being very obvious to the point where even Kim who does not interact with the mafia side that often to the point Kinn says they haven't seen each other in ages knows about it (like before big clearly no one is giving Kim information on what is happening inside the compound so he would have to be going there himself) (you cant tell me if Tankhun knew about Big's feelings he wouldn't make a whole thing about it. if he did know, i have completely forgotten it)

I think Kim has to have possibly been paired with big at some point before as his bodyguard (Kim doesn't seem to have had any bodyguard previous to big showing up so maybe like when Kim lived at the compound?) also big doesn't seem shocked to know Kim knows his feelings more just resigned to Kim's comments. Kim has probably teased Big like this before (or Big has just been teased with this before in general not necessarily from Kim, but I feel Big would have more of a reaction if this was the first time Kim has said something like this).

Kim clearly trusts Big enough to ask Big to get him information on the Kittisawats next time we see Big and Kim, Kim dismisses Big as soon as he hands the folder on Porsche over, but I think in this moment Kim's probably a little angry that his Wik stuff is being mixed up with the mafia (cause he thinks Chay is a spy and he clearly sees Chay's picture before dismissing big)

-side not the only time we really see Kim like angry is when he finds Chay about to take drugs. I think Kim isn't someone who doesn't really outwardly display he is angry unless he is already bottling stuff up for a while. I don't think he really shows big emotions that frequently. The main times I remember are when he kisses Chay, when he is in the recording booth and runs out, when he stops Chay taking drugs, crying over Chays polariods, finding out Chay (and Porsche) are missing, and singing why dont you stay.

Back to Big, next is when Kim asks him to investigate Porsche and Chay's parents, Kim isn't really rude or anything to Big this entire scene, Kim says/(asks if) Big watches too many movies but thats it, Kim makes 'jokes' but they arent about Big they're about Porsche and Chay possibly being their fathers mistresses children, which is a wild accusation to make to just a random bodyguard.

Kim and Bigs last scene, Kim doesn't do anything else to prep for going in to rescue Chay, no going to the compound to stock up on guns/ammo/bullet proof vest(that we see but if he did i assume he would've told Kinn and they would've gone together), but he does bring Big with him. (which Big wasn't at Chay's house, so Kim had to have directly messaged Big at some point, Kim didn't bother with getting any other help than Big, that's a pretty big level of trust?)

Then Big gets stabbed by Tawan and you hear Kim curse at Tawan for it and then he (tries) to shoot him, misses and leaves with Chay cause his gun is empty. That's the last interaction of Kim and Big.

Overall I think Kim and Big are maybe not friends, but something resembling it. For someone so gaurded and stand offish and cold to others (in the mafia) Kim seems to trust Big a lot. Kim being mean/rude to Big seems more like playful teasing to me,(that doesn't sound right but I can't think of another way to word it) Rather than actually trying to maliciously hurt Big. Yes he is a dick to Big, but there is way more to their dynamic than just 'Kim is an asshole to Big'.

Kim with other bodyguards: The first time we see Kim and Chan Kim is snooping through Korn's office. Chan walks in with Korn but neither interact with each other in this scene. Their next interaction is when Kim finds out Chay is missing but Chan stops him from going to find Chay (by saying Korn wants to see him) Kim stops when Chan calls his name, something he would probably just ignore if it was any other guard calling out to him, Kim doesn't try to argue or refuse Chan when he clearly does not want to go see his father at the moment (During this scene Kim does roughly shove his car keys into one of the bodyguards standing at the doorway once Chan calls him inside.) Chan presumably sits in on this meeting but the audience never find out what it was about.

Next is when Korn 'dies'. Kim is pretty stoic during this scene, he comforts his brothers but doesn't really show much emotion himself (compared to Tankhun and Kinn). Until he looks at Chan. The reason for the look he and Chan share is unknown, but I like the theory they both knew Korn was faking it.

I don't think theres a lot to say with Chan, Kim probably has to respect him as head bodyguard, since Kim is so good at fighting it's possible Chan trained him, but overall their relationship isn't really shown. Kim is never disrespectful/rude to Chan unless you count not interacting with him that first scene.

The part about where Kim 'rips Pol off Khun's arm' I assume you are talking about when Kim finds out Chay is missing? Kim just kinda pushes Pol back not really off of Tankhun specifically, it seems more like Pol was just in the way and Kim was trying to talk to Tankhun about Chay missing, Kim doesn't try to move Arm away from Khun at all and Arm and Pol were holding him the same way. There's not really anything to say about this as it's more about Kim and Tankhun than Pol. I mean it is rude to push someone like this but again Kim is clearly having a bad time right here and he seems to already be annoyed/angry even before he hears about Chay missing. So while I would count this as Kim being rude, he is also clearly agitated here but it's nothing to do with Pol.

The 'Filmania Kim coming to swap cars and the guards look happy to see him and then dissapointed when he leaves as soon as he swaps the cars' is funny, cause in BOC version I think someone states Kim is the worst brother to work for. (or was this a fanfiction and i am making things up?) Beause we never got that filmania version I don't really know what to think but I am choosing to believe some bodyguards are Wik stans.

I think Kim thinks he is above the bodyguards (he was most likely raised to think this way), he clearly has no problem pushing/shoving them out the way or insulting them/being direspectful to them, but he doesn't do that all the time. He pushes Pol cause Pol is in the way of him talking to Tankhun, he forcibly shoves the keys back at another bodyguard when he is angry about not being about to rush to find Chay, but he isn't just going around shoving and pushing them all the time. He speaks to Big rudely but its not like Kim is insulting Big during their every interaction, it's mainly just their first interaction, after that Kim doesn't seem as mean when they interact, probably cause he has decided he can trust Big after that first interaction.

Kim is a rich mafia heir, he likely grew up not really respecting the bodyguards and then also grew up to resent and dislike them as being part of the mafia, and being surronded by them reminds him who he will always be no matter how hard he tries to not be. But to any other bodyguard outside the ones mentioned Kim probably just ignores them, only interacts if he has to, and despite how nosy he is doesn't bother learning about them enough to insult them, I think Big is just a special case cause he was Kinn's head guard.

Inspector Manop: The first thing Kim does is interrupts Manops blessing. Kim is straight to the point about why he is there. Kim doesn't talk to the monks who explain Manop has Alzheimer's. Kim doesn't directly say he will do something to Manops daughter but there is an implied threat he will do something if Manop doesn't cooperate with him. Manop says it was Kim father. The scene ends. Kim is rude here, he clearly doesn't mind threatening people. He knows Manop is covering something up and he wants answers so of course he is rude.

Kim's uni friends: The guy who introduces him at the open day, they do one of those bro hugs and then Kim preforms. (During the quiz portion he looks at Kim every time to see if the answer is right, so like did Kim pick the questions? If the other guys did would he not have also already gotten the answers from Kim?)

After the quiz the guy is clearly teasing Kim about something, he nudges Kim and asks 'So?' and Kim smiles and says 'What?' like how you would deflect when a friend is teasing you. When Chay walks up Kim's friend speaks for him. We don't see Kims friends reaction to Kim signing Chay shirt except for the end where Chay walks away he is smiling at Kim.

I think it's implied this friend is who Chay gets Kim's address from.

We see this friend again when Kim comes to uni for once. Kim seems to be walking straight to this guy so I'd assume when he does show up this is who he hangs out with. The guy teases Kim about actually showing up to class and Kim calls him nosy. The friend then asks about the kid Kim tutored, but he clearly was there when Kim initially turned him down so Kim had to have explained something about why he changed his mind to this guy, they have to talk somewhat often for him to know Chay is being tutored by Kim but not often enough that he had asked outside of uni why Chay never came back after passing the interview. We never see this guy again, Kim seems comfortable and friendly with him, he isn't rude beyond playfully calling him nosy.

The guy playing piano. Kim greets him with 'what's up bro' weird thing to say to a stranger but this is the only time we see piano guy so I'd assume they are friends but probably not as close as the other guy. Kim says that this is his personal rehearsal room, which I took to mean that he lets the other guy use it cause they are friends (but if that's the case why does Kim explain he is putting more guitars in there? why does the other guy need to know?) They seem close calling each other 'bro'. Kim isn't rude.

I'm also going to include when Kim first meets Chay at the open day cause at that point Chay is a random fan.

Chay walks up to Kim and his friend and Kim looks unsure of what to do and look to his friend for help? Kim sighs heavily when his friend says there are no more shirts, Kim seems disappointed for this fan who knew a lot of details not getting a prize. When Chay goes to walk away Kim is quick to offer him something else. Kim seems happy to offer this. Until Chay asks for Kim to tutor him, Kim is taken aback. Chay goes to leave, upset again. Kim stops him again. Kim writes his signature on Chays uniform with no warning. Chay seems shocked. If this is cause Wik is touching him or cause Wik just made his uniform dirty and unwearable without washing the signature off it is unclear. Kim says he hopes Chay gets into the uni. Once Kim finishes writing Chay is excited and giggles walking away. Kim has a big grin as Chay walks away.

Kim is very generous here. He technically doesn't need to reward Chay, it isn't his fault there were only three shirts. Chay was going to walk away twice. Kim offers him 'something else' and lets Chay pick. Chay chooses something Kim can't agree to, and before he can walk away Kim stops him again. It is rude to draw on someone's clothes without asking especially when its a school uniform that will need to be washed. Kim is (mostly) not rude here. I think it is safe to say this is how he would treat his fans in general.

Outside of his brothers and Chay I think this is all his interactions(not including when he goes to rescue Chay from Tawan and shoot at Vegas, or when he hits Chays clubbing friends).

Kim can be seen as rude in specific situations (interacting with friends/whatever he and Big are/when he is angry/when he wants something/information during his investigation -which is what i would call his first time tutoring Chay when he keeps trying to leave) but I don't think Kim is generally rude. I think Kim is mainly rude when it comes to situations involving the mafia. Outside of the mafia Kim seems like a pretty friendly and somewhat playful guy.

#kim theerapanyakul #kpts #Kim theory #kim meta #idk how to tag this?

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ilovechubbieguys · 16 days

Text

Pretty Please

Chapter- 2 (chapter I)

F!reader, slight angst, swearing, spoiled!reader arrangedhusband!nick Enjoy!

------------------------🎀------------------------

I couldnt believe what i had heard. I mean this has to be some kinda sick joke right? Daddy would never do this to me...

And right as i thought it was over he opened his dirty mouth to start talking again. "I arranged for the 2 of you to meet at 4:30" he said not looking me in the eyes "i suggest you go get dressed" mom chimed in.

She hasnt said a word this whole time and now she decideds to speak up? Worst of all shes ok with this?!

"You guys are sick.." i say before storming up the stairs to my room slamming the door with all my force

What if hes a creep, or a 50 year old man? I dont even know his name?! Theres no way im marrying this man, ya no not in a million years am i marrying some stranger especially not just so my parents can get rich?!

Im over with emotions and begin to sob on my bed. My face in my hands and knees to my chest. I hear a familiar knock. Immediately knowing who it was.

"Come in" i say threw my hands. The door opens and i look up to see my cook steven. "Hey honey i heard what happened" he said slowly coming in sitting next to me on the bed.

The shift in weight was comforting. Knowing that atleast someone was there for me made me feel a little better about this shitty situation.

"They...they cant do that, right?" It stays silent while steven looks for the right words "unfortunately they can..i would come in and save you if i could you know that..i wont let anything bad happen i promise"

I continue crying in my hands and lean my weight onto steven who hugs me "thank you.."

------------------2 hours later-------------------

I put on a nice outfit per my daddys request (imagine like old money like that kinda⬇️)

And headed out my room for the first time since daddy told me the worse news ive ever heard. Well along side when i found out they discontinued my favorite dior lip gloss duh

I saw daddy waiting at the bottom of the spiraling stairs. He was wearing his best suit and mom was no where to be seen. Shocker.

I followed daddy to the limbo not saying a word to him. The whole ride was silent. I mean what more was there to say? He sold me off and didnt even seem to care.

It took us 35ish minutes to get to there mansion, and ill admit it was bigger then ours. But sure as hell not big enough to sell me off to!

Our driven opened my door and i stepped out, and there they where all standing in a line miss donna mister donna and him. Ya i said him CAUSE I STILL DONT KNOW HIS NAME!

Me and daddy walk up to them and take turns shaking hands and then it happened miss donna introduced me to him

"And this is my son nick"

NICK?! his name is nick? Not a very fancy name but who am i to judge

"Hello, Nick," i say with a sour face. Daddy nudged me with his elbow, and i put on a fake smile. "My name is y/n," i say passive aggressively with a clearly fake smile. "Nice to meet you y/n" he said.

"I guess your my wife now..." the air was thick with tension. I gritted my teeth trying to reply nicely "ya i guess so."

---------------------------------------------------

CHAT I PROMISD THEY WILL GET INTERESTING SOON OK THINGS WILL SPICE UP I SWEAR JUST GOTTA KEEP ON UR TOES.

#SoundCloud #tgc x reader #the group chat podcast #request #the group chat #the group headcanons #nick x reader #softwilly #softwilly x reader

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dirtybitfic · 6 days

Text

Reality pt.3

(I didn't proofread cause it already took me long enough to finish this so if there are typos I'm so sorry)

I wake up feeling extra warm and comfortable , I blink open my eyes and look down to see arms around my waist . I cant help the smile that spread across my face when I remember who's is beside me in bed . I try my best to stay still so I don't wake him up . sadly the second I made even a peep Misha ran over and jumped onto the bed attacking me with kisses and waking him up in the process. I couldn't help the giggles that escaped when I saw matts face when Misha played on him licking his face non stop. "Misha Misha calm down baby " I say as I try and get her off of him . " Sorry I tried my best not to wake you up but evidently someone had other plans " I say laughing as I pet Misha.

" It's okay I down mind being woken up by dog kisses" he says smiling and giving Misha head scratches. I could barely control myself when I heard his morning voice. His voice is hot as fuck already but this ... ooh this is so much better. "I was gonna go down and make some breakfast , does anything sound good to you?" I ask him while getting up and going to my closet to grab a sweatshirt. "mmm I don't know bacon sounds pretty good " he says while stretching " Alright bacon I can do that ... you like pancakes ?" I say and he nods " Any specific type , I usually makes blueberry and chocolate chip" I say and he smiles " I love chocolate chip pancakes " he says and I nod " Sounds good ill be down in the kitchen so take your time getting up " I say and he nods.

I just finished up cooking breakfast . I made pancakes, eggs, bacon , sausage and cut up some fresh fruit . He walks down stairs smiling " Smells great in here" he says and I smile . We both plate up what we want and sit down. We eat mostly in silence just enjoying having each others company . We decided it would be nice to take a little hike close by and see one the waterfalls .

I just got dressed and fed Misha , I would take her but this hike is a bit dangerous for dog especially with the waterfall and slightly wet surfaces. We hopped in my car and made the quick 20 minute drive . We talked about random stuff like childhood memories and funny moments.

The hike isn't too hard but its definitely not easy , we both had to stop and take breaks from time to time but I just kept telling him once we got to the waterfall it would all be worth it . " So do you hike out here a lot?" he asked and I shook my head " Not that much anymore , when I was younger I did . My parents loved to hike and in high school it was a fun place to go with friends but now not so much" I say and he nods " I get that , I used to love taking long walks and hikes with my family or just by myself to clear my head but I guess i've just gotten busy and don't have the time anymore" he says and I nod " Growing up sucks huh" I say and he laughs " Yeah id give anything to be a carefree kid again" he says and I laugh " Same "

The second we reach the waterfall we sit and catch our breathe taking in the view. " It really is beautiful" Matt says and I look over watching his face contort with emotions as he takes in the surroundings. " Yeah it really is" I say looking away from him smiling.

By the time we got back to my car my feet were cramping and my entire body was sore. " The view was beautiful but fuck I'm exhausted" Matt says laughing and I join in " Yeah , I think I need an ice bath with how sore I am" I joke and he laughs . We get back to my house and I go up to my room grabbing a change of clothes to wear after my shower . Matt comes in flopping down on the floor laying there while Misha laid next to him wagging her tail. " Im gonna hop in the shower " I say to Matt and he nods . I wrestle with myself in my mind on if I should invite him in with me or not . I finally just blurt it out " Do you want to maybe - u-um join me" I say more as a rushed question . He looks at me smiling widely " Yeah you want me to?" he asks in a deep teasing tone , I try my best to not sound stupid " Yeah I- I mean only if you want to you don't have to" I answer quietly avoiding eye contact feeling super fucking nervous. " Id love to" he says standing up and walking over to me . " wait really?" I ask and he chuckles " Yes" is all he says before he grabs my arm and pulls me with him into the bathroom.

He looks deeply into my eyes as he slowly starts taking his shirt off , I decide to do the same . You couldn't cut this tension with a knife. Im so nervous but also buzzing with excitement. Once we're both topless we start on getting our pants off , I take off my bra after and once were both in our underwear we both take a moment to soak in each others bodies. The way he looking at me is making me so nervous, he looks like he wants to eat me alive.

We both finally take off our underwear and step into the shower turning on the hot water and letting it cascade down us. I have a large shower with multiple heads so we're both getting soaked by water. I take my body wash off the shelf but he stops me before I can lather myself. " Let me " he says and I smile letting him lather me in my Carmel apple scented body wash . He slowly steps me back so the water can rinse off the suds. He hands me his body wash and I practically squeal in excitement . The amount of times I fantasized about shit like this is crazy and now... its reality . I take my sweat time lathering his body feeling every muscle and digit of his body. He rinses it off then grabs my shampoo again doing it for me . I tell him to only do the roots and about half way down and he listens but he comments that its stupid not to shampoo all of the hair , I explained to him why I don't shampoo the ends ... to be honest I don't think he understood but I think he just acted like he did to make me happy. He conditioned the ends like I told him and I rinsed it out.

I took my time shampooing him , it was difficult because he's taller than me so I had to be on my tippy toes. He noticed I was struggling so he scooped me up and held me up as I wrapped my legs around him. " Better?" he asks and I smile and hum "Mhm" I say and I continue lathering in the shampoo. What u least expected him to do was take one of my nipples in his mouth. " Matt" I gasp as my hands falter . He grips my thighs tighter as my head slightly leans back and I let out a whimper. He pulls off with a slight sting of his teeth dragging on my nipple . " Sorry I couldn't resist they were in my face" he says with a smile . He steps back into the water and I help rinse the shampoo out .

I cant help the smile that spreads on my face when I feel the tip of his dick graze my pussy. I haven't seen it yet but I have a feeling its not small . After the shampoo is all out he doesn't put me down he keeps me held up . " You look so hot with wet hair" he says and I laugh "what why?" I ask and he shakes his head " I don't know it just looks good" he says and I smile . " You gonna put me down or?" I question and he shakes his head again " Nope I like you right here" he says before taking my other nipple in his mouth making me gasp. He flicks his tongue and sucks on it making pleasure course through my body.

" fuck matt" I whine and he comes off with a pop " Feel good?" he asks with a smirk I nod my head quickly letting out a whine . He sets me down and turns off the water. I step out grabbing my towel then handing him his. The second he wraps his around his waist he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder making me laugh. " what are you doing?" I ask mid laugh " Taking you to bed" he says in a deep voice making my laughs stop . I wanted this , him, for so long and I still haven't registered that it truly is happening ... and not just in my head.

He lays me down on the bed hovering over me , I wrap my arms around his neck bringing him in for a deep kiss. His lips are soft and his tongue warm and he explores my mouth with it making me moan into the kiss. He postings his body right in-between my thighs . The kiss turns from slow and warm to hot and needy . I cant help the moans that escape my mouth as my hands roam his body. One of his hands slowly trails down to my thigh making me whimper into the kiss. He pulls away and starts kissing and sucking on my neck. Im whining and whimpering under him as his hands slowly slides its way closer and closer to my dripping wet pussy. He slowly starts kissing down as he uses his other hand to undo my towel thats around me . He kisses all the way down until he reaches my pussy . I watch him intently and his eyes meet mine and his tongue flicks out meeting my clit making me gasp . He smiles before he goes in licking and sucking so skillfully , i'm panting and moaning and my head drops back and my back arches. " M-matt feels so good" I moan and he groans into me making me twitch. He starts sucking harder on my clit making me moan out loudly as my hands move to his wet hair.

He slowly enters a finger into me making the pleasure even more heightened . " Ahh f-fuck matt oh god" I moan as my legs start to tremble and I feel myself getting closer to release . " Taste so sweet , I always knew you would" he says as he adds another finger in making me gasp and my face to contort in pleasure . " You gonna be a good girl and cum for me?" he asks with a smirk on his face and I moan " Yes yes fuck im s-so close" I moan and he goes back to licking and sucking my clit . My legs are shaking and slowly tightening around his head and my fingers are tugging tighter on his hair . " Matt oh f-fu please don't stop " I whine and his fingers move faster making my entire body tremble and my toes curl and I fall over the edge screaming his name as I come undone all over his face and fingers.

" Thats it good girl" he groans as he watches me come undone for him. I slowly come down and his fingers finally stop moving as he slowly slides them out. I watch him as i'm breathing heavily , he slides his fingers into his mouth sucking my juices of making me moan . " Did so good for me" he praises making me smile and blush. He slowly moves back up my body . " Gonna let me make you feel good?" he asks in a sultry voice , I nod " Yes please matt" I say in a needy tone and he smiles.

" One thing though" he says and I furrow my eyebrows " What is it?" I ask and his eyes getting darker " I like to be in full control and ... I want you to call me sir . is that okay with you?" he says and I smile "Yes sir" I say in a slutty voice making him groan . " You have no idea how long i've wanted to do this " he says and I smile " same" I say and he smiles.

" I'll go easy at first but the second you adjust I won't be easy " he says and I nod " Okay" I say and he nods. He slowly takes off the towel form his waist and I get the first look at his dick. This is going to be painful I think to myself , he's long like very long and thick . " Hey it's okay" he says as i'm guessing he can see the panic on my face . I take a deep breathe and fully lay down . " Ready?" he asks and I nod . I feel his tip slip up and down my folds making me sigh . He slowly starts sliding in making me gasp . He's stretching me so much and its only the tip . " I know I know , deep breathes baby " he soothes me and I try my best to relax . The more he slides in the more pain spreads through my body. " M-matt it hurts" I whimper as my hands grasps his bicep tightly . " I know sweetheart I know i'm going as slow as possible" he says in a sweet tone . After a couple excruciating minutes he's fully in and the pain is lessening .

Ive never felt so full in my life , I always fantasied about him being big but not this fucking big. At first I felt like I was being ripped in half but now i'm feeling so much pleasure in spots i've never felt before. " Fuck you're squeezing me so tight" he groans making me smile . " Think you can handle me going a little harder ?" he asks and I nod " Use me Matt I can handle it " I whimper and he immediately starts pounding the fuck out of me . I cant help the moans and screams I let out , he's so deep I feel like he's in my chest . " FUCK OH- S-SO DEEP" I literally scream out as he hits so deep I squirt out of nowhere and my legs begin twitching and trembling . " Atta girl " he says and he holds me down by my hips somehow going even harder than he was before . Im fully unable to speak at this pint the only thing that leaves my mouth are squeaks , moans, whimpers and screams as he continues to make me squirt all over him so many times I loose count .

Im becoming so over stimulated and i'm shocked with how much stamina he has . Ive never gone for this long , i'm not comparing but my body feels like it about to shut down any second . " Fucking you dumb with my big cock huh" he says smirking proudly as he watches tears fall down my cheeks . " Y- yes -- s... sir" I choke out In a scratchy voice . " fuck " he groans as I feel his dick start to pulse in me . " You're gonna cum with me " he demands as his fingers rub circles on my swollen clit making my entire body tremble and my hip to lift off the bed . " I - c- cant ... to - to much " I gasp as his fingers add more pressure " You're going to do as I say " he says in a demanding tone that makes me shiver . I whine in protest as my body try to get away from him . He grips my hip so tight its going to leave bruises " come on I can feel you pulsing " he says and I whimper . " MATT" I scream as I come undone , I fully stop breathing and my body convulses and curled into his . He releases into me with a low groan as he holds me close to him .

I finally catch my breath and fully collapse onto the bed , I can barely open my eyes and i'm breathing do heavily its all you can hear. " Shh its okay its okay" he says as he slowly pulls out and lays down pulling me onto him soothing my back . Crazy how he can go form rough as fuck and dominate too sweet and calm the next second . I relax into him as tears still fall from my eyes and my breathing starts to slowly go back to normal. My entire body is shaking and my pussy is pulsing from the abuse it just took from his huge dick.

After probably and hour i've calmed down and my body has stopped trembling . " Let's get you cleaned up" he says before picking me up and bringing me to the bathroom . He sets me on the toilet so I can pee and starts a bath for me . I finish my business and slowly stand stumbling over to the tub . He helps me in and then gets in behind me letting me lean back into his chest and he soothes my hair. " You doin okay?" he asks quietly " more than okay" I say smiling and he pulls me closer keeping his arms wrapped around me.

We lay in the bath comfortable in silence letting the water relax our muscles . " You ready to get out and go to bed?" he asks and I nod sleepily . He helps me out and drys me off before we both climb into bed fully naked not having the energy nor really wanted to put on clothes. He turns off the lights and pulls me close .

I fall asleep within minuets feeling his warmth wrap around me like a blanket of comfort .

I genuinely cant believe this I say reality right now , I wanted this man for years and I finally have him . I will also say that older guys do it better which I fully expected but tonight really showed me that its true. I cant wait to see where this all goes but for now i'm happy .

Her you guys goooooo! I finally got my shit together and finished this part !

Lova ya 🫶🏼💋

@imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @sturniolonmc @blahbel668 @sturnxp

#matt sturniolo #smut #dirty nasty #fanfiction

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youremyheaven · 2 months

Note

hi, this is my second time sending it and i pray you receive it. i'm the 22yo anon with the relationships, social dread and sexuality question. ill try my best to rewrite as quick as possible. i would like to be guided and need your big sister advise,,, i don't know how to ask and word my issues smoothly 😓😓,,, (context- ive known to be demiromantic and little to no fixation on sex, on the asexual spectrum?) so i just turned 22 and have a crush and looks like he too likes me the same and im sure its going to get serious,, i have been nervous about talking about my preferences with my crush because someday i have to explain to them because i have friends and peers around me asking me to "get some" and that it's normal and it's how it'll change my asexuality?? to them im just faking being uncomfortable around bed talk even though i agree i can be the holiest nun but i do catch myself having the highest libido therefore take care of myself without needing anyone from time to time. pleasing for me felt like an annoying itch that needed to be scratched like most people,,, corn doesn't do it for me so I never understood the hype and didn't feel a thing,,, yes I have crushes but im not aching and wanting to bang them,, a bunch of my peers have at a young age and unsafely which got one of them pregnant, being in indian society it's looked down upon and what my friend had to go through was rough and it had a huge impact,,, though my parents are forward thinking people and openly and safely talked about this topic with me without having shame tied to it and my mother also makes it a comfortable space,, im not shaming anyone who engages in activities like these and i also understand that its human nature and it's how we procreate and evolve yet i still get very uncomfortable around sexual scenes in movies maybe it's my own childhood trauma causing this feeling of dread and discomfort from my childhood,,,,

besides my friends and family, i shared my asexuality to my aunt and baby cousin,,,,, they were supportive but kept being skeptic like my peers would saying this is temporary 💀 that i need to get laid asap which bothered me sm,,, my cousin now (a party, club going personality) too has engaged in activities with her exes since she was a preteen and im the only one in the fam who knows (desi household is no joke) and im worried for her safety though she seems independent but i do feel concerned and wonder if i should let her be because she has been distant and lord knows who she is with next,,,,she's much much younger but coming from a wealthy family kinda looks down on me and for not having any relationship experiences so distanced herself from me which hurts,,, bottom line i feel ostracized to a degree by people i care about and there is this insane pressure to have to talk about my trauma and issues around sex,,, as they say it's a man's birth right and they all want it at some point and so will your crush or men will leave you the minute they get that repulsion??😓

i might consider it for my man someday but i don't want it to affect my relationship with men??

how do i face people when im not taken seriously or call it a nun phase? i don't want to lose men over this and who better than you to ask,,,, im typing and im all teared up,,, i need clarity on how to approach this better without having internalized any pain, guilt for feeling the way i do. you can answer when you're ready and sorry i made it too long 😞😣

This is my third attempt

"this is my third attempt" 😭😭😭

girlie ur not going for JEE mains 😭😭this is just my inbox

(for non desis, JEE is a highly competitive college entrance exam,, ppl prepare for it for YEARS and some ppl commit suicide when they cant crack it 🤡 explaining it is taking the fun away from the joke but thought id give u context <33)

but ANYWAYYYS

first of all dont apologize for the long ask or for sharing your experiences,, I GOTCHU 😘💛

now about your question:

one thing u need to know is that the right person will NEVER EVER make u feel "compelled" to have sex,, ive had partners during my celibate era who i didnt even kiss lol and they were entirely fine with it

pls dont listen to your friends and family and believe that sex is something you OWE your partner/men. i had many nasty friends tell me the same or try to convince me that i "should" do it bc otherwise its not a "real" relationship and im so glad i never listened to them<33

i also know many women who are waiting for marriage to have sex but have boyfriends atm. they all have different degrees of intimacy that they're okay with (some go up to oral and leave penetrative intercourse for marriage, others just kiss, makeout and cuddle) but u can also have a zero intimacy relationship. if a man wants you and wants to be with you, HE WILL DO ANYTHING. i once told a guy (he was 21 and i was 23 and he wanted to date me) that im celibate and dont want to have sex and he said "thats perfectly fine, i didnt ask you out to sleep with you, i want to be with you, whatever your terms are, thats fine by me" and honestly there are MANY such dudes out there,, not every guy is a porn addicted weirdo who believes u OWE them sex 🤮🤢🤢🤮

u dont have to have casual sex if you dont want to!! esp since you're a virgin, i think its important for you to be wise about your partner and choose someone who is considerate and caring!!! THIS IS NOT A RACE, you can have sex later in life, i assure you its nothing special if you feel "compelled" to do it/dont like your partner/dont feel comfortable.

having another person inside u is as intimate as two people can be and it is so vulnerable,, dont rush it and dont do it with someone u dont trust to take you through the experience tenderly!!!

i think you just need to drop your friends lol,, they sound unhealthy

if i dont include my r4pist, then ive had sex with 3 people (i dont actually want to include baldie tbh but 🤢🤮) and 2 of those were with a partner (1 is my current partner) and those experiences were so pleasant and wonderful<3 ive had people tell me i "should" try casual sex 🙄but its not for me and even now i tell you, i have no issues staying celibate, i think its better to just not have sex than to have dissatisfying sex ://

you wont "lose" men over sex lol, you might lose immature men but those are exactly the guys u want nothing to do with!!! its a great way to weed them out!!!

i follow a 5 date rule with sex actually. i have to like him enough to go on atleast 5 dates with him before we do anything intimate,, if he seems impatient or too eager or whatever, then cut his nasty ass out,,

(this is just general advice for anyone, i know you dont want to have sex<3)

stop telling people your personal business btw!! you dont have to share your sex life or lack thereof with all your friends bc its none of their business at the end of the day. ESPECIALLY since they dont seem to understand where youre coming from, you should stop sharing this stuff with them. this is not info that you owe them just bc ya'll are friends. i absolutely hate sharing my personal business with my "friends" and all the times i have, i absolutely regretted it. i hate that kind of interference. like YOU dont get to have an opinion about my life lol??

basically, stay private, you do you, nothing wrong with being asexual or being celibate, sex is overhyped and most men dont know how to fck (sorry to speak facts) and the right partner wont want sex from you. there are men who take care of bedridden partners. love makes anything possible. and i hope you find someone who truly genuinely loves you so that you never have to worry about any of this.

i also hope you get better friends!!!<33

wishing u the best,

Heaven<3

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 7 months

Note

Lmfaooo I know I already yapped my way into ur inbox earlier but. Sighhhh aroace reader has been on my mind again and I’m literally screaming clutching my torso rolling around on the floor crying thinking about it no joke <///333

I think that aroace reader + stsg comes with SO much comedic potential I physically cannot 😭😭 especially with reader who’s pretty much romance averse with satosugu (secretly) being their exception… like maybe shoko and utahime end up talking about their love lives and ask reader about THEIR love life and reader just deadpans “oh I don’t do romance. Doesn’t interest me” and satosugu (particular toru) are just like “….🙁ok but but but but but but-“ LMFAOO BUT THIS ALSO WORKS WITH READER WHOS COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF HOW STSG FEEL ABOUT THEM DESPITE IT BEING OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE ELSE???? imagine being with them out in public, being all affectionate n shit and then a cashier asks “oh are you guys dating? :)” and before either of them can get a word in ur just like “oh no, we’re just close friends haha!!! I know it looks like we do but none of us having feelings for each other at all haha!!!!” And they just look so fucking dejected like satorus shoulders slump and he puts on such a babyish pout…… and sugus just nodding and smiling along (he’s trying not to start screaming and crying on the floor) or maybe someone comes up to you and asks for your number before noticing suguru with his arm wrapped around your waist and satoru who’s got his arm around your shoulders and is looking at you like you hung the stars with your bare hands n the person is like “oh sorry I didn’t notice you guys are dating!!!” But reader is just like “huh?? No we’re not dating u can have my number!!” LMFAOOO I CAN SEE SATORU PULLING THIS FACE

They’re so funny I actually cannotttt 😭😭😭 another thing that’s been on my mind is that if sugu didn’t leave and stsg + reader sorted out their feelings for each other, they could all be teen parents to little Megumi ☹️☹️ satoru gets some money from his rich aah family (cause no way they aren’t rich cmon he was spoiled as a kid) and buys a nice apartment for you all, maybe somewhere by the sea… firm believer that suguru is the mother of all time like. He absolutely makes pancakes with syrup and blueberries and whatever else for u all in the morning……. U guys wake up early in the morning sometimes when it’s still a little dark with Megumi in his tiny little raincoat and take him out for walks by the beach….. collecting pretty rocks and seashells….. megumis dogs swimming in the ocean and satoru skipping stones while sugu reminds him not to go too close incase the tide comes in unexpectedly and he gets his shoes soaked…… I gotta stop myself now or else I’ll go on the lengthiest sugu rant you’ve ever seen but. You get the idea. Sugu being a caretaker mommy for one actual baby and one baby that’s actually a tall pouty bastard that’s so insufferably charming <//333 and you ofc!!! (His favourite baby) (joke he adores you all equally) (even if he lovingly pretends satoru is his least favourite)

HAAHHAAAAA I SERIOUSLY CANT STOP THINKING AB THEM I NEED HELP 😭😭😭 AS ALWAYS I HOPE UR DOING ALRIGHT N TAKING CARE OF URSELF!!! AND ARIIIII the merman sugu asks you’ve been getting have actually been making me laugh my ass off everytimeeeee 😭😭 sugu flopping around like a seal and hating all humans except reader is so fucking funny to me like he’s just straight up dissing the human race but just looks you dead in the eyes and says “but you’re one of the good ones” GOODBYEEEEE 💀💀💀 ANYWAYS HOW HAVE U BEEN???? UP TO ANYTHING INTERESTING??? :3 🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤 gives u a flower + pancakes (sugu made them) u deserve it mwah mwah hope ur ok <333 🌷🥞

OLLIEEEEEE IT’S ALWAYS GREAT TO SEE U IN MY INBOX DW !!! we are yapping together 🫂🫂

PHDJDGDHDH THIS CONCEPT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME I HOPE U KNOW THAT 😭😭…. aroace!reader makes us all insane god bless. u are so REAL for mentioning the comedic potential bc it’s literally so beautiful….. i think i’m biased towards this option:

reader who’s pretty much romance averse with satosugu (secretly) being their exception… like maybe shoko and utahime end up talking about their love lives and ask reader about THEIR love life and reader just deadpans “oh I don’t do romance. Doesn’t interest me” and satosugu (particular toru) are just like “….🙁ok but but but but but but-“

IT’S JUST SOOOO FUNNY AND SWEET…. but i think stsg would also be so smug abt being reader’s exceptions 😭😭 losers. lovesick fools. utahime is just like… don’t you and those idiots have a thing 🤨🤨 and reader just goes well yeah but that’s different. they’re satoru and suguru. <- as if it’s just the most obvious thing in the world and stsg are sitting there all quiet and smug….. mentally squealing……… idk i just lovelovelove the idea of reader being very blunt with their emotions because they just don’t view romance in the same way others would and it flusters stsg Every Single Time. they used to always daydream abt being teasing bfs and making them flustered by acting all lovey-dovey but as it turns out they’re the ones who keep getting caught off guard by reader….

this is rlly just a random thought but. i’m just imagining them in the future, living together, not necessarily labelled in any way but they very much Love each other… suguru is smoking by the balcony late at night (he’s planning on quitting bc he doesn’t want to worry his babies <3) while satoru & reader are keeping him company… and reader just casually mentions that they want to live with stsg forever. that they’re happiest like that and don’t ever want it to end. and they’re just bluntly telling the truth but suguru and satoru are genuinely Losing It bc????? did we just get proposed to ????????? satoru is oddly quiet bc he’s trying to stop himself from blushing and suguru just clears his throat and tells reader that they feel the same way ….. but he’s not nearly as suave as usual bc he is in fact getting choked up LMAOO i love them sm they’re so silly ….. T—T

ok but back to ur lovely thoughts !!!! the idea of aroace!reader being oblivious is also rlly charming to me 😭😭 SATORU MAKING THAT FACE LMAO HE SOOO WOULD ……. i picture suguru just kinda twitching lol like he’s trying sooo hard to keep it together but a part of him kinda wants to kiss reader all over their pretty face so that they get the message. (jokes on him bc reader would somehow still assume that it was just … platonic kissing … just kissing the homies goodnight …..) sigh. it’s tough out here for stsg BUT i think they’d also be really endeared by it …… their oblivious lil reader….

AND WAHHHHH LIL BABY GUMI 🥺🥺🥺🥺 OLLIEEEE YOU’RE KILLING ME a nice house by the sea…….. taking walks by the beach…… and . mommy sugu ..,, our lord and saviour ……. makes u breakfast every morning and wakes u up by kissing u :(((( lets u cling to him while he cooks .. sighhhh. sigh sigh sigh. being a househusband could’ve fixed him idc 😔😔

Sugu being a caretaker mommy for one actual baby and one baby that’s actually a tall pouty bastard that’s so insufferably charming <//333 and you ofc!!! (His favourite baby) (joke he adores you all equally) (even if he lovingly pretends satoru is his least favourite)

AND THISSSS PLS u know the way to my heart….. caretaker mommy sugu 🥺🥺🥺 he would thrive off taking care of his babies like truly. he’s the Mother ever. and now he has one lil baby to Actually Mother and two overgrown babies to coddle and tease…… his dream life tbh. now i’m just imagining reader, toru & gumi waking sugu up on mother’s day to celebrate LMAOO they made a cake and everything….. he’s exasperated but secretly very touched :’3 maybe tears up a lil later when he’s looking at the world’s best mommy <3 cup u guys bought him LOL he’s such a sap …..

AND ARIIIII the merman sugu asks you’ve been getting have actually been making me laugh my ass off everytimeeeee 😭😭 sugu flopping around like a seal and hating all humans except reader is so fucking funny to me like he’s just straight up dissing the human race but just looks you dead in the eyes and says “but you’re one of the good ones” GOODBYEEEEE 💀💀💀

PHDJDJJD NO BECAUSE SAMEEEE i still have a couple more mer!sugu asks to get to actually… they’re all so great…… my anons have converted me fully into a mer!sugu stan and now i can’t stop thinking abt him 😭😭 HE’S SOOOO FUNNY U GET IT COMPLETELY LIKE …. he’s just a grumpy little seal man ……. ”you’re one of the good ones” NO BC LITERALLY!! THAT’S HOW HE FEELS…… reader is his emotional support human <33 he doesn’t like anyone else and WILL consider drowning anyone who gives them trouble but then reader gives him a Look and he’s like. sigh. 😒😒😒 you’re no fun. <-… he’s insane actually BUT WE LOVE HIM <33333 silly lil fishy !!

WAHHH URE SO SWEET OLLIE 😭😭🥺🥺 thank u for the flowers and sugu’s pancakes…….. i am munching on them gratefully…… here are some nice sunflowers 🌻🌻🌻 and croissants 🥐🥐🥐 for u <333 I’M DOING WELLL trying to catch up on asks + cooking up a lil sashisu/reader thingie.. 👀👀 i haven’t been able to post fics as regularly bc of uni but hopefully i can get it out by next weekend :33 and thennnn i think i’ll focus on mer!sugu…

ANYWAY WHAT ABT U ???? how have u been ?? tell me tell me 🎤🎤…… i hope it’s sunny wherever u are, here it’s still cold n gray T—T but spring will be with us soon … stay strong …….

#THANK UUUUUU as always for feeding me so well i am nomnoming every word u speak 🫂🫂#aroace!reader our absolute beloved #stsg loves them soooo much :(( their silly little goose……….#no but the comedic potential really is There ur such a genius ollie #reader is all :3 meanwhile satoru is this 🤏 close to exploding and suguru’s eye has been twitching for the last fifteen minutes #THEY’RE SO SILLYYYY #i hope uve been taking care of urself <33 dont forget to drink water / eat / rest etcetc!!#ilyily <333 #ask tag ✩#ollie !! ✩#mer!sugu <33

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sturnsbae · 5 months

Text

PROMPT LIST! — ☆

disclaimer: you are MORE than welcome to suggest your own ideas as well! also, please do not combine more than 3 prompts! and don’t forget to please clarify the prompts when you request!! <3

FLUFF

1. "you're the only one who can calm him down"

2. “your fans don't like me"

3. “i’m here baby, don't worry"

4. "i love you more than anyone"

5. “come cuddle me"

6. “i want attention"

7. “quit stealing all the pillows!”

8. “you’re my new pillow”

9. “i’m so drunk i think i love you”

10. “there’s room for two!”

11. “stop being grumpy”

12. "aww you're blushing!"

13. “you make me feel safe”

14. “can i get your number?"

15. “i’m scared to meet your family"

16. “i love your family, they make me feel so welcome"

17. “i like showing you off”

18. “i miss you"

19. “i need you right now"

20. "that's the prettiest fan i've ever seen"

21. “i’m so stressed out”

22. "lets have a movie night"

23. “can i do your makeup?"

24. "dance with me"

25. “it's a tiktok trend i'm sorry!"

26. “do this tiktok with me"

27. “let's go on a drive"

28. “you're drunk, i'll help you"

29. “i like that nickname"

30. "i like that outfit on you

31. “my clothes look better on you anyways"

32. “bake with me”

33. "let's go shopping"

34. “i’m sick"

35. “you're ticklish?!"

36. “let me teach you how to ice skate"

37. “take me to get my wisdom teeth out"

38. “have you seen my hoodie?"

39. “stop video taping me this isn't funny!"

40. “don't you dare post that"

41. “i look ugly”

42. “he won't stop talking about you”

—

ANGST / SAD

1. “was this all just a joke to you?”

2. "we're just hooking up, it's nothing serious"

3. "why don't you ever post me?"

4. "i’ll change for you, i promise"

5. "i got in a fight because of you"

6. "i thought you cheated, i'm sorry"

7. "no need for attitude!"

8. "yeah, i'm jealous"

9. "forgive me?"

10. "they’re my ex, we broke up for a reason don’t worry”

11. “are you really that oblivious?”

12. “i want this to be real, not fake anymore”

13. “yeah i like you, dipshit”

14. “i want you, not them.”

15. “can’t you make some time for me?”

16. “i don’t even know who you are anymore!”

17. “forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

18. “don’t ever do that again!”

19. “do you even love me anymore?”

20. “can you shut up and listen to someone other than yourself for once in your life?”

21. “i told you not to fall in love with me.”

22. “the worst thing is, that even after all of that, i’m still in love with you.”

23. “why are you even here?”

24. “are you even listening to me?!”

25. “if you love me, you’ll let me go”

26. “i cant keep doing this to myself!”

27. “you don’t know me, so don’t act like you do.”

—

ENEMIES TO LOVERS

1. “you’re my tutor? absolutely not.”

2. “you haven’t called me an asshole yet today, everything okay?”

3. “i guess were partners for this…” “oh please someone kill me now.”

4. “just cause our parents are friends doesn’t mean we are”

5. “stop following me around like a lost puppy!” … “maybe you being around isn’t so bad.”

6. “congratulations, i guess.” “oh, are you done being an asshole now?”

7. “don’t feel special that i’m here, my mom made me come.” “mhm, sure.”

8. “are they fighting again?” “worse, they’re kissing”

9. “did i just hear a ‘thank you’?” “do not get used to hearing that.”

10. “i am not getting in that car with you, are you crazy?”

11. “do you ever stop complaining?” “you ever think that if you stopped being an idiot i wouldn’t need to complain?”

12. “why do you hate me?” “you think i hate you?”

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sanguinechaos · 1 year

Text

cant believe i was so fucking delusional about Flamebringer and Enforcer interacting in some way that it came into existence

actually can we talk about that

listen i already Hortus de Escapismo would be a treat because its a Laterano related event and it involves my wife. actually he got an alter even i knew it i KNEW IT I WAS AN EXALTER TRUTHER AS SOON AS I SAW THAT BOUJEE WINCHESTER 1887 MY FUCKING WIFE IS HOME MY WIFE

and then they dropped the operator records for the Notarial Hall trio and for anyone who has not read those yet tl;dr from somewhat dubiously google translated chinese text:

in Insiders oprecs theres almost an all out brawl over a family heirloom donut recipe. its so funny to me that we all made fun of him cause his halo looked like a donut and he really is Donut Man™

actually his personal donut recipe is so sweet and greasy that the doctor nearly chokes to death on it. im pretty sure if you eat it you can physically feel your arteries popping shut

apparently he likes sweets so much because when they picked him off the streets in some small town bordering siracusa and brought him to laterano they gave him some candy and it just left such an impact on him

do all of you have dead parents is that like a requirement

he has donut pajamas

Executor oprec is kinda cute honestly. this guy is autistic. he has joined the war on autism on the side of the autism. anyway what we learned is that apparently his lack of empathy (as in the sanktas 6th sense) is something hes had from birth and not in fact due to his job as an executor

and also he has always had a black halo and wings. according to the manhua they also dropped his entire extended family has black halo/wings it has absolutely fuck all to do with him being willing to kill sankta if his job necessitates it its just genetic

he doesnt actually have that much of a problem recognizing what people are feeling, its more that he has trouble piecing together cause and effect or what those emotions mean to people. and his parents (before their tragic demise) taught him to like draw shapes on paper matching different emotions to parse it? cute

anyway the other executor that was on a mission with him when he was still a rookie bites the dust and Executor takes it so so so seriously and fucking tries to eat 100 scoops of ice cream because his senpai made a joke and he was just like "okay so that can count as a last will and testament i guess" like babe. babe. he applied for executive gelato funding

and they leave us hanging but i genuinely wonder how many he managed to eat before he probably vomited and couldnt see gelato for the next 3 months

Federico Giallo? no. Federico Gelato

also hes only around ~25 as of Exalter

Enforcer goes around asking various sarkaz about Kazdel cause obviously hes intending to go look for Cecelias dad with her

actual live reaction as soon as i saw 炎客 BEYONCE?! FLAMEBRINGER?!

Flamebringer is a wanted criminal the Notarial Hall has his mugshot on the office notice board (which tells me that there is NO WAY that Executor doesnt KNOW him or about him please i am so delulu rn Lowlight i fucking beg you let them interact kiss. violently suck face, even. "Dino wasnt this a 炎见 post?" if you were paying attention to my Twitter youd know i really like 葬炎见 in that exact order but ill take any combination of just two of them) and also he absolutely does not give a shit he just keeps watering the plants while Enfocer talks at him

Enforcer gets slammed against a wall and maybe choked a little unbelievable and Flamebringer is like "go bug someone else, blood is not for watering flowers" like oof ouch the edge on this guy

Mudmud helps Enfocer in the end tho :)

also he might be like 19 while my conservative estimate was at least 25 i THOUGHT the Notarial staff had law degrees now i get why everyone in Guide Ahead was like "waow, so young :o and already an executor!"

#arknights #flamebringer #enforcer #flameforcer #being held at knifepoint can be something so homoerotic #blood #going apeshit under the readmore #炎见

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lakemichigans · 8 months

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friend anon again, I think you were joking when you said ask me how I know about the addiction topic, but I would really be curious to know more of your thoughts on that (sorry if that's too invasive, you don't have to answer this at all, but I am curious!)

oof yeah i feel like i've overshared and made people uncomfortable, but if you're asking then i'm fine talking about it!! airing out my dirty laundry... 🧦

basically i just have a family history of addiction that goes back many generations on both sides of my family. myself, my parents, both sets of grandparents, and even my great grandparents have been affected by alcoholism and/or substance abuse at some point in our lives. some of them went totally sober, some passed away, some are still struggling right now and have been for many years. there's such a wide range of people in my family. yeah some fit the stereotype of the "typical alcoholic" and you could probably guess by just looking at them that they have substance use issues. but others are so young and put together, you would never know. 3 of them started their addiction with prescription pain meds because we have a lot of chronic pain in our family (i got all the good genetics huh lol), and the rest of us pretty much exclusively have a problem with alcohol. that's why it makes me so angry to see people imply that alcoholism is a lesser addiction when it has completely decimated my family 😒 the cherry on top is that my best friend since childhood has really similar problems and even though we try to support each other and keep ourselves in check, we both have ended up circling the drain like everyone else we know. so that's great

ironically my grandparents were casual meth users who stopped using meth quite easily, but could never quit drinking or smoking cigarettes no matter how many times they tried, and it was lung cancer that actually killed my grandma. i feel like that's a common misconception among people who don't know much about addiction; you would assume that a highly addictive drug like meth would permanently change your life, but every person is different and one substance may be a harmless treat every few months while another "lesser" substance will completely and utterly ruin your life. it's like how some people can do a few lines of coke at a party and look back on it as a fun college memory, but other people will have their world completely rocked by it. you just never know

i NEVER thought i would have a problem with alcohol. literally never. i was so hyper-aware of the damage it can cause and i took so many precautions. i never drank when i was in a bad mood, i never drank alone, i never drank in the day or super late at night, i never got so drunk i lost my memory, i never drank in unfamiliar places, i never drank to get through a menial task, etc. and i cant even pinpoint when or why that all changed. it all just got so fucked up. i don't like how i act when i'm drunk and i feel so embarrassed when i wake up and remember (or find out) what i said to people, so i prefer drinking alone but that's a whole other problem. i've nearly gotten into fights at bars with grown ass men, i've wandered around downtown and have no memory of getting home, i fell off a fucking rock ledge while hiking at sunset and yeah i can laugh about it but it's also like. i nearly killed myself and for what? because i was drunk and trying to take a good picture. i drink to make chores more bearable. i used to do my college homework tipsy. video games aren't fun sober anymore. i make unnecessary purchases while i'm drunk and that's on top of the financial burden that drinking already provides me. i'll take a hit of anything i'm offered while i'm drunk, and thank god so far that has only been weed or cigarettes, but drunk brandi would not even ask what it is. i genuinely can't bear the thought of talking about my feelings with people if i'm not drinking (even then, i don't say what i really want to say because my mind isn't clear enough to string a thought together). like every fucking aspect of my life has been tainted by alcohol and it happened so slowly that i never even saw it coming. and if it can happen to me, someone who was PREPARED, it can happen to anyone

i'm not trying to scare people, i just wish people understood how slow and insidious addiction can be. maybe then they'd have a little more compassion

but yeah, that's where i'm at right now 🥲 it helps to write about it and vent because i just don't do that in real life. and maybe this rambly mess can help someone else or at least put things in perspective

#also i saw your other message about the colors and i'm going to make another test swatch!#i'll post pics ❣️

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winderlylandchime · 11 months

Note

Some of my favorite things he said about/during the podcast: - he came inside and went ‘HE HAS A FUN PERSONALITY! I didn’t expect that for some reason. Why was that? I think we’d be friends. Be honest, do you think he would like me?’ - ‘he is in school to be a therapist?! So no more acting? Wait does he not do tv? What the fuck? *long silence* from 1 to 10 how fucked up would it be to go to him and pretend that my wife and i are having issues..*long silence again* yeah, pretty fucked up. But imagine you go to therapy and the guy who fucked guys on tv is there to help you. Amazing’ - *randy says he never had confidence to do stuff like lil nas x* ‘wait what? He was getting rimmed on live tv at that age and he’s saying he wasnt bold and confident? HOW’ (This is where i did ask him what he meant about that and his reply was ‘i was sure that he and Brian (lol he still doesnt know Gales name), were walking around like the hottest bitches in the city since I’m sure everyone wanted them. So i guess Brian actor was walking around like the hottest bitch by himself..unless if this insecurity cane later then they probably fucked around town together *does fingers guns*’ i cant wait for him to see how gale is irl -(jordan mentions that he had to sneak around to watch the pilot as a kid) ‘and here we are watching it on the big tv and talking to our parents about it. And they say the world hasn’t changed *makes a fist* RAINBOW’ - ‘he has a cat named Latrice! And you made fun of me for Brian *turns to the cat* thats called hypocrisy, Brian’ -randy/jordan says something about blackface episode ‘WHAT? That was a joke, right?…yeah, it was…can they talk more about the show tho, i have many questions. So many. Too many.’ -*Jordan mentions Brian* ‘AHHHHHHH HE SAID HIS NAME’ - ‘real talk. Do you think a person like Brian exists? With the fucking and all that? Is the actor like any of that? But like more normal about some stuff? Cause I was sure Justin dude was like Justin for some reason but apparently i was wrong’ - ‘wait Justin actor dude didn’t like to be recognized by his role of Justin? Well thats..I thought he would be all HELL YEAH!! I fake fuck Brian Kinney! But he had shame? I was sure everyone would be hyped up about them’ - ‘hold the fuck up. He had issues with the sex scenes? *he looks at me all worried* i thought they liked filming it? Maybe cause early 00s sex scene filming was bad? I was sure he was all confident while filming them since…ya know’ -when they talked about religion, he called mom to ask what the priest at our church (we’re not religious, our mom just woke us up one sunday and said we should check it out to see what the big fuss was) said to him bc he only remembered it was funny and the answer was ‘after you asked if you can come to a confessional (he asked as a joke btw) he said that even he doesn’t have enough time for you and would probably stop believing in God by the end of it. Why do you ask? That was not a proud moment as a mom for me, no matter how funny it was’ - *randy mentions he’s shy vs how he used to be outgoing* ‘he’s shy? cause of the show? Huh? I need 20 more podcasts where he talks about it because i just found myself with even more questions’ - ‘HE WAS IN A PLAY CALLED COCK?! HE DOES PLAYS? About cocks? *sits back and crosses his legs* good for him *silence and then* imagine it’s about roosters’ - *randy mentions that he feels like he’s not taken seriously in certain places bc of his education/career* ‘he gets it! Ive had arguments about this! I like this shit! I agree with this shit! I need more of this shit. Give me all of it. Does Brian have a podcast? I wanna hear him talk. Especially about the aftermath of the show. Actually I just wanna hear him talk’ (the Gale crush is for sure alive) The main take away from the podcast was that he wants to listen to it all and he is obsessed with Randy’s personality cause he thought Randy was more reserved and maybe like how he was in S3 with Ethan. He didn’t know how to explain it better but oh well.

I sent my cousin all this while he was listening because, shocker!! The discovery of Randy’s podcast a few months ago made it through some of my family. Now I’m really starting to feel like Regina in the hallway scene in Mean Girls.

YES! Randy has a fun personality!

So your brother is imagining going to Randy for therapy and I’m imagining running into Randy at a continuing education course. Somehow him becoming a therapist makes him much more accessible!

But yeah this is where your brother begins to lose the belief that all the actors loved being on QAF and are endlessly proud of their roles and want to be recognized for them. Not that I think Randy *isn’t* proud at all but he was the youngest and certainly not protected from pushy fans and invasive questions.

I love that your mom just woke up one Sunday and thought “wonder what’s happening with that church thing, let’s go check it out” Also your brother wanting to check out confessional is equivalent to me wanting to take communion when I went to mass with my grandparents (my mom is Jewish so I’m Jewish).

You are sowing the seeds of madness in your family and I can only encourage it…

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

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