#i cant take care of myself lol its too much. and that may be stupid and ridiculous and everything | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-anonymous-vent-blog · 3 months ago

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this feels so silly to come to vent blog but here i am lol

i feel like i'm never going to grow out of my insecurity. i'm not insecure in the way i see it portrayed with everyone else. i'm fourteen and if these are what hormones are like i don't think i can do it. i've always had anger issues, i've always been sensitive and i've always been unhealthily jealous but as i've entered teenagehood, it's only gotten worse.

i'm constantly, always lashing out at the people i love and getting angry at them whenever they call me out on it. i hold onto grudges even weeks after the incident has passed and tell other people about it as if it just happened to make myself seem like the bigger, better person. i form wickedly strong attachments to people that i've just met and create such unrealistic standards of who they'll be that when they inevitably don't meet them i come apart at the seams and feel like my life is over and i need to take drastic measures for two weeks, then i lose the attachment and form an arguably worse obsession where i'm bitter and angry and jealous and want nothing but the worst for them but they dont feel nearly as vividly as i do so i feel stupid and it creates this cycle that im really fucking sick of because i've never met anyone who loves or hates as strongly as i do and i feel like im going crazy

i am such an awful person because of my insecurity and i hate myself for it

it's been so long and i'm so young and i know yo7 cant get rid of insecurity overnight andnit's a "self-love" thing but i'm really, really suffering. i wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. i have periods of time where i'm good, i feel really fucking fantastic and i don't care about other people and online shit and i think "i was just being dramatic, im actually fine" and then something small happens and i fall apart all over again and it gets worse every time

i dont even know what to do. im sorry if this is too much to put on a vent blog, please ignore this if it is im just feeling weird and it's 9pm and thats probably why im so emotional right now i just want to know im not alone

🍎

Alright first things first- never base your perception of anything on the way books or shows, any kind of story made for entertainment, portrays them. They can help if the team making them is particularly attentive, but they little inherent benefit to being accurate.

Good news- It isn't just hormones. Yes, hormones can make your issues worse and cause instability, but there is always something you can do to fix this problem by your own hand.

Additionally, you just happen to be asking someone who's gone through something very similar!

Bad news- I got through the worst of it through sheer force of will, heavy dissociation, and several years of unwilling social isolation. So lets hopefully avoid that for you! (Even if it does, its really not the end of your life)

Its going to really tough. I mean it. Sometimes it'll feel like you're not making progress at all. Sometimes you won't want to get better. You might make some Bad decisions.

What do to- therapy. I often recommend therapy, because seriously, it is heavily underrated. Your therapist can provide you with many exercises, resources, and its very good to have someone listen who can respond in a constructive manner. I was able to get therapy because my highschool offered it for free, and by my second year I was old enough to make those decision without parental permission thanks to local laws. See if your school, local community center, or other provides similair services.

Support system! A good support system is essential to getting through this. It's going to feel counterintuitive, but stick around those people that didn't meet your standards. It's important to build a social network, and upon learning to tolerate them, you may find yourself truly loving and caring for one or several of them.

Journaling! When having trouble with your thought processes, this is very good! You can get an overview of your stream of consciousness, physically get a look at the areas you need to improve on, and take steps to correcting your attitude. Changing the way we think is important to healing, and this can help catch harmful thoughts. It can also help you catch bad ideas before you try to execute them irl.

Overall- ^^These are just the things I feel are most relevant to your situation. There are many different steps you can take, and plenty of resources online to help you determine whats best for you. THE most important thing however, is to want change. That seems easy, but none of this will change fast. This is the sort of thing that can easily take years. It takes a determination that can be easy to let go of in favor of instinctual reactions and whatever gives you dopamine. These emotions will come and go, and the best you can do is sometimes simply trying to not let them drown you.

Remember, you're not irredeemable. You're just a kid, and being a kid is fucking difficult. <3

#vent blog #vent #anonymous vent

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nyandereneko · 4 years ago

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I could thank Hei for a lot of things but one of the biggest is making me want to fucking write because I’ve written so much fic in the past few days compared to the intense, depressing slog it’s been for months now...thank you for the inspiration mid 2000s generic assassin anime man

#ck.txt #should delete #will delete #heaven’s gate #just thinking abt this...#i also have him to thank for giving me an outlet to be sad and escape bad home things #quarantine has been Quite The Bitch to my inmediate household #bcuz my parents dont handle their emotions well...and i am often the outlet for them and its not fun #i may delete this later bcuz thats a little more personal than i’d like to get but #knowing i cant leave rn due to several circumstances a major one being i just. cant live on my own #i cant take care of myself lol its too much. and that may be stupid and ridiculous and everything #but like the mental strain of doing that vs staying in my current situation where im relatively safe and have my pets and stuff #i just. need that. but also you know things still get rough emotionally #sometimes so much that idk if i can handle it BUT now...i have nice safe space...#i mean my f/os have and always will do things like that for me/provide those things for me #all of them #but hei’s vibes did something to me so anyway i feel extra safe and cared for by him #and again i’ll prob delete this like i really dont mean to get so personal here but #that’s part of why ive thrown myself into this selfship so hard...its the scaffolding holding my mental state up rn gjsjfjsjkfjs #sorry for putting even more pressure on you hei but i love you and im at least useful enough to like clean your already empty apartment #i’ll find other useful things to do somehow gksjfksnjfjd

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shhh-no-ones-home · 3 years ago

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raising the bar bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

me and a friend have been re-watching the marvel movies and have started calling him Jamie because its another nickname for James. idk why we thinks its cute/funny but I'm running with it and you get to see some of that here. enjoy lol

song: i cant handle change by roar

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

Date night. Finally! It had been so long since we'd been able to just sit and relax at some random restaurant or bar or diner or wherever, and God it felt so good. Every weekend for the past month was "get in, get out, no questions asked", mission after mission. But now we were cut off. The government wanted to handle things themselves. And as excited as I was to have my Bucky bear all to myself, I knew he was more so happy he didn't have to fight anyone any time soon. He could just relax with 'his best girl' and live his life like a normal person. And that's what we were doing, sat in a booth in the back of the diner, enjoying each other's company.

"No, no, you mean to tell me that he actually did that?"

Bucky asked, looking over me intently before sipping his coffee. I nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes! And by god he was so embarrassed."

I let out a loud laugh, him shaking his head in amusement.

"I just can't believe Sam would actually do that. I mean don't get me wrong, I believe he'd be stupid enough, but to actually pull that off? No way."

I watched as he shook his head.

"There was water everywhere."

Then the door chimed, signaling someone's entry and taking both of our attention. A whole group of large, bearded men, came in talking loudly. Bucky looked a little more uncomfortable now that there were many more people in the room, something that happened a lot more recently. i knew how this usually went down, we had talked about it the first time it happened and came to an agreement. we keep the conversation going, he doesn't have to engage if he doesn't want to and if he feels uncomfortable we leave. simple as that.

"uh, but uh, he kind of recruited me. per usual when he gets himself into a mess. and it was a big one."

"ill bet."

he said quietly, looking over my shoulder and swallowing hard. i frowned, looking to the table in front of me.

"but uh we got everything figured out. the plumbing department was furious when they got to the house. and i still dont know how he got the insurance company to pay for all the damage. i mean damn, there was water running down the stairs."

i laughed a little at the end, watching his gaze shift back and forth. after a second i reached across the table and took his hand in mine.

"james..."

he sent me a look, his jaw tightening.

"jamie."

i tested and he looked to the table.

"talk to me."

"of course she has to give him permission."

i heard from behind me, all the men laughing. he sighed hard, looking over my face. they had been chatting about us since they sat down and i was trying hard to ignore them. clearly we both were.

"maybe we should go."

he said just above a whisper.

"ill ask the waitress for the check, yeah?"

he nodded as i stood.

"oh so now she gets up, gotta give him a break."

they all laughed and i paused, my face straightening and buck giving me a look.

"you got a problem?"

i asked, not turning around.

"I wasn't talking to you."

he said gruffly, still holding a laugh. i clenched my jaw.

"No but you're talking about me and someone I care about."

"Let's just go."

buck tried but i shook my head, finally turning to face the man.

"No, not until he apologies."

i said sternly.

"We both know that's not gonna happen."

bucky defended, his presence looming behind me as he stood.

"He's right darlin, why don't you just buzz off."

"I'm not your darlin, asshole."

i watched intently as he stood, moving to stand over me. he and bucky were probably about the same height but in the moment i felt bigger than both of them combined.

"What was that?"

he fumed.

"Apologize."

"No."

i clenched my fist and felt buckys hand gently against my arm.

"y/n just dont."

i looked back to him.

"you may not enjoy violence but i have no problem with it."

i growled. he looked between my eyes.

"lets just go."

he tried to pull me towards the door but the man stopped him.

"hey i wasn't done talking to her."

the man said, bucky starting to challenge him back.

"we're going man, just leave us alone."

the man looked back to me with a smirk before pushing bucky. he just sighed and shook his head.

"God damnit."

bucky said under his breath. i was already staring daggers into the guys head.

"that was a mistake."

"and whys tha-"

before the word even got out of his mouth my fist was colliding with his jaw. he had stumbled back, Bucky tripping him as he went and grabbing my hand.

"time to go."

he said, and without even thinking i was letting him drag me out of the diner.

"we didnt pay!"

i protested as he lifted me onto the back of his bike.

"im an ex assassin, not a thief, i put a twenty on the table."

he said quickly, getting on and starting it. when we both looked up the gang was coming out into the parking lot, all looking rather angry. the man stumbled out the door last.

"shit."

Bucky kick started his bike before pulling out of the space. a few of the guys were quick to get on their own but we were already gone, the diner fading into the background. i clutched onto Bucky for dear life as we wizzed down the street. you could hear the rumble of a few of the other men's bikes behind us but Bucky was weaving through traffic so much i was sure they would lose us, and then he turned down an alley way slowly.

"can we not have one day off?"

he grumbled, stepping off the bike and looking over me. i closed my eyes and shook my head for a second before swinging my leg around and sitting off the side of it.

"we had today off, its the break we need."

i mentioned, annoyed, picking my hand up to look at. the pain was starting to set in now that the adrenaline was wearing off. i looked up to him and noticed him staring down at my hand as i opened and closed it slowly.

"Shit, I hope that's not broken."

I looked down over my knuckles again. They were definitely bruised but it didn't hurt as bad as it could've. I just shrugged and slid off the side of the bike, shaking my hand out.

"I'll be fine. How are you?"

He gave me a look.

"I'm not the one that just punched a guy three times bigger than them."

I shrugged again.

"Words hurt buck, I know you. How are you doing?"

I persisted but he just sighed. When he leaned forward, trapping me between him and his motorcycle, his hands at my hips, I felt a little bit better.

"With a pipsqueak like you to defend me I'm doing just fine."

I raised my brows at him, smirk on my lips.

"You mean that?"

i tempted and He nodded solemnly.

"you know i do."

he pressed his forehead to mine and breathed deeply.

"i love you Jamie."

i said softly, pecking him on the lips. i could feel his thumbs rubbing circles into my hips as we stood there for a second. this was something that happened a lot too. the nickname had become one of those things that tended to calm him down, ground him, make him feel new since no one else had ever called him that.

"i love you too."

he whispered before pulling away. he took my bruised hand in his and kissed my knuckles.

"ready to go home?"

i asked and he nodded.

"yeah, lets get some ice for that and cuddle up on the couch."

"watch a movie?"

i inquired. he smiled a little bit before kissing me softly.

"absolutely."

#wattpad #x reader #Bucky Barnes #james buchanan barnes #winter soldier #white wolf #falcon and the winter soldier #captain america #marvel #329

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ibelonginthepast · 3 years ago

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okay I need your klance fic recs(i feel like you have really good taste)(i mean your icon is literally THE keith of course you have god tier taste)

okay so the thing is.. that when i say am kinda messed up and disgusting sometimes... and becoming a madwoman... am not over exaggerating or saying it in a funky way.. i actually am getting like that .. and that's how i got into the klance fandom initially. i project through lance and read really langsty fics.. and they are messed messed with like violent nsfw, gore, horror, serious mental health issues etc? so if u want those... i'll only send them if u want?

yeah tho i entered with this thingy that klance is gonna be like my guilty pleasure or some shit but them i inevitably fell in love with some GORGEOUS fanfictions out there and KEITH KOGANE in all shapes sizes genders and ages so lol...

but they aren't flowery. that's just not my taste. Some of them might be "problematic"? it's in quotes because i don't agree with it. it's not going to be problematic in plain ignorant sense like racial issues or blatant sexism or mental abuse.... but they might have like stuff which people dont always agree with like drugs. most of them would have nsfw it's just something that i need to have for feels and that's why i asked if u minded it. some things are like more subjective,, characterizations for example, cause like some people dont think keith is a skirt guy cause he isnt in fashion but i think he is petty and rebellious so he will defo do that? some of them would have like physical fights and stuff.. or keith and lance being mean to each other.. some ugly habits which aren't necessarily condemned like anger or drugs.? but with how i see it, it's not glorified, so i see them as human. i love the raw and ugly in these or idk its just human to me (but some people dont like which is completely valid cause we are all different from different environments and think different and resonate with different stuff.)

wait addition: i think some of them will have sexist themes? which i have complained about a lot before. i dont know why authors feel the need to somehow put women down to show how a mlm relationship without any women is superior or some shit it's annoying as fuck i hate it. i dont think i would have any especially sexist fics here, but there might be some with lowkey themes and bad handling of those issues. some of them mau have that subtext of disgusting heteronormative standards, but in subtext uk like bottom lance having a small waist and being giggly and all in contrast to big bulk keith.

here are some that i had bookmarked... but i may remember some more and then send them to u and or add them here...

a heads up.. i dont remember all of them very well. its been a while and i read fanfictions A LOT so yeah.. incase one slips up here which isnt very good am sorry dont judge me

the bold ones are the ones u should really check out if our taste is similar.

to begin with plain f l u f f,, my first klance bookmark was How Could I Say No? by Padfoots_Pawprint. tws for violence, bullying, injury BUT it's not actually gory or something like that it's just keith being keith and getting hurt and lance helping my boi like he should. it made me feeeeeeeel ksksk

this was one that kinda really touched me,, Wasted youth, Cryptids, and Waterboys by Baea THIS HAS EXPLICIT NSFW in it, the first chapter kicks off with it.. its a good fuck buddies to lovers in my opinion.. i love the writing style, the choice of how it's just a couple entries of random days in their lives. i love keith's characterization.. he is a hobo and a conspiracy nerd.. i love how down for him lance is, very dedicated. i love their growth.. i love how they help each other grow,, and it's so like real and usual day to day and human and down to earth idk how else to express it. this is INCOMPLETE. it's 12 chapters and discontinued as of now,, but it's not a deadly cliffhanger

similar in style and approach to the above. tho i think here is where it gets dubious. Easy, Tiger. by @/WhatTheBodyGraspsNot ... this is INCOMPLETE too and as of now discontinued. this has that sorta murky vibe with it's drug usage, them being teenagers in school and engaging in stuff like this, bad boy keith and all. this has nsfw too. i just remember really liking it and its very raw and unfiltered. tho it's incomplete it's not an open ending for now.

okay so i am restarting this but am upset as fuck that it all got deleted so i am gonna be lazy and not put as much effort as i did.

i have also Crowd Pleaser bookmarked by the same author,, this one's complete and it has some serious issues around gaslighting if i remember correctly... i really liked it then. keith is literally an angel here, i want to kidnap him and marry him literally. the s h w ee t e s t shit ,, and i like how lance gives him all the support and space to get his shit together

Drummer boy by klancekorner,, i think it's similar to the prev one, but lance's pov(which is what i prefer ngl). this authors fanfics are all just wholesome. i had put links to all their fics before, but imma now just say that u should go and check all their fics out. i have them all bookmarked, i must have seen something in them (can't remember what now tho and i cant be bothered to skim through them like last time *rolls eyes*)

War of hearts? idk why honestly, just ik keira has made me gay, and lesbian rejection angst? garrison? yes :) it's incomplete, conveniently left at the point where lance's heart is broken lol

Fuck buddies with benefits. THE NAME IS BAD I KNOW but i just love the idea of a dedicated mess of a keith and lance taking care of him. that's it that's the fic if i remember correctly. oh wait yeah u might think keith is not treating lance right, but i think it's fine if lance is treated a bit stupid. this is a bit too sex driven tho i dont like it but just SLEEPDEPRIVED KEITH TO TAKE CARE OF IMMA SIGN UP (ik this maybe coming off toxic but lol look at me)

Rambling: THIS WAS ME.

Last Defense: TW SUICIDE this is literally the langst i have for canon lance

I want something else: bad boy keith can break my limbs and cut my face and i will thank him

A thank you would be nice: keira damn

game-set-match: b a d b o y

I swear to go the devil made me do it: my typically fav trop, hardcore pining lance, literally perfect angsty keith. very similar to the top ones ig? idk also this one is one of my comparatively recent sane bookmarks so that's something. it starts off weird, u think it gon be subtly sexist but it turns out better so hold on

you've got me locked up: i think it's delinquent keith,, its floofy

Dad lance and tattoo artist keith: the name says it

damn while going through my bookmarks i realized that there are a lot of things i never bookmarked? i am pretty sure i loved a lot of long fanfictions, flower shop aus and tattoo artists shit wtf-

wait here's one, it's not complete: Blood jumps in the sun: it's very heavy has a lot of growth and kinda wholesome,, tags and summary will give u an idea what u getting in.

The lessons we learned: can't remember much other than florist keith, sad keith, smart keith, really long, pining

damn i think i have a lot of happy ones i didn't bookmark cause my brain was like u dont deserve the serotonin :( i'll add if i have more)

some actually angsty, detailed nsfw and messy (according to the way u interpret these) ones... lemoninagin.. they have some very detailed and explicit nsfw stuff but i am not there for it. some of it has the kind of angst i like? an actual one that i love and they recently posted and the reason am putting them here is infinitesimal. best friends to lovers and tho usually it's not my cup of tea.. it's a character study, an interpretation of klance in a modern world i dare say,, which is very similar to mine. the thing about them is that i like their characterization a lot, and in no love in this, i like what kind of background stories they give to klance in their aus. i haven't read many by them, so if u want u can check them out.

i just realized i have put some lowkey sad/fucked fics here... i did remove 5 rn... i hope its all good damn why am i doing this i feel like am putting myself naked out there when i recommend my favs

#dont reblog

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diamondcamefromhell · 5 years ago

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Jaskier x Fem!Reader pt.3

PART ONE

PART TWO

this is the last “writing gift” from me for today so i hope you enjoy, as i progressively go more and more delusional in this part, lol. i still loved writing it, but then again, i love writing about jaskier so, what’s new. also i probs need a name for this, feel free to message me any ideas <3

Warnings: Swearing, death

Word count: 2,186

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I continued to stay with them, and Jaskier and I also continued training. Each session made me more comfortable with us being close, leading to way less blushing and heart flattering.

But I was still hopelessly in love with this stupid bard. And there was nothing I could do about it.

Things didn’t seem to get better, as we were approached by an older man, Borch Three, with two, absolutely gorgeous women by his side. They were warriors, Tea and Vea, and they showed their abilities, which clearly intrigued Jaskier. I couldn’t blame him, they were impressive.

We went to a bar to discuss kings Niedamirs proposition, to hunt down a green dragon for some reward. I wasn’t paying much attention, jealously was getting in a way, as Jaskier couldn’t take his eyes of Tea and Vea. All I know is that we are tagging along because, according to the bard “the crazy witch” showed up.

Her name was Yennefer, and she was a beauty too. Great.

I tie Sky to the post near Roach, petting both of the horses. Geralt gives me a glance, but doesn’t tell me to stop touching her, which I feel is the next level of friendship. I hug Sky, purely because I need emotional support.

“Be good boy, okay? I will see you soon.” He neighs in response, and I twist on my heel. Borch stares at me, grabbing my arm.

“You have his heart, don’t you worry.” He silently whispers and I pull away, blushing.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I say, taking out my dagger.

Geralt decided I was grown enough to have a weapon of my own, kindly giving it to me one evening. He gave me two, actually, one silver and one iron. One for monsters, one for humans. Old man pats my arm, walking away. His place is soon replaced by an excited bard.

I hear the names of Tea and Vea come out of his mouth, and I decide to pay no attention to what he’s saying. Geralt seems distracted too, his eyes glued to the sorceress. This trip looks like it will be fun.

Just weeks ago I was terrified of all monsters. How am I now tagging along to kill a dragon? I stare at silver in my hands. I have not used it, not once. Jaskier and I continued using twigs for our practises. What was I getting myself into?

Next to two beautiful and strong warriors, Jaskier will never look for me. No, he will look just to see if I’m not dead yet. I glance at his lute, wondering how can he be so care free, considering we might not live. I should have said a proper goodbye to Sky. But it was too late.

It takes me awhile to realize the bard has gone quiet. I look at him, and he steals a glance at me.

“If you don’t find me interesting, just let me know.” He says, lifting his head up. Oh, if he only knew how interesting I found him.

“Sorry if I can listen to you blabbering about how amazing Vea and Tea are, as we are walking to kill a dragon.” I bitterly say, rushing ahead, hoping he wont try to converse with me again. But he does.

“I was actually talking about Geralt and Yennefer.” He points out, and I flush red.

“She saved your life, didn’t she?” I roll my eyes. “Why do you still hate her?”

“Okay. I will allow you to calm down.” Now Jaskier rushes ahead, chatting up the warriors as he reaches them.

Our first fight. Wonderful. I grunt. For most of the rest of the day, I am out of it. I just follow, silently. I know I must look like an angry child, but I couldn’t control my feelings. I was scared Jaskier might have found someone better than me. Not that its hard.

I only really snap out of it when Jaskier is almost attacked by some creature, and Yennefers knight kills it. Then we set camp. I don’t even try to mingle with the crew, silently crawling to my tent, feeling sorry for myself.

I wish Sky was here, I wouldn’t have to feel as lonely.

I did think things were progressing the right way between the two of us. But I guess, for him we were just becoming better friends, not anything more. I grunt, pulling up a cover over my face. I knew falling for a bard was a bad idea. But tell that to a lonely heart.

I hear singing, and of course, I recognize Jaskiers voice. I peep through my tent, looking at him. He’s wearing a red matching set, which in the fire makes him look almost ethereal. He plays the lute flawlessly, his voice filling up the air. He smiles at the warriors, but they don’t seem impressed. I know I would have been swept off my feet.

Then the bard glances my way, still smiling, he winks at me. As if we never had our argument. His heart is just too big. I rush back in my tent, falling back on the ground.

The night deepens and the voice silence. I begin to relax, before I hear a silent voice near my tent.

“Lady Y/N?” Jaskier whispers. “May I come in?”

“Jaskier?” I ask, knowing its him. I see him peep inside, smiling. “Sure, come in.”

“Thank you.” I crawl to the furthest corner, to be as far away from him. He seems to notice, and I can make his face out just enough to see that he’s frowning. “I won’t bite.”

“I know, it’s just…” I cant come up with an excuse, so I clear my throat. “Everything okay, Jask?”

“I was going to ask the same thing, Y/N. You have been distant today, didn’t even come out to hear me sing.” He crosses his arms. “And you always come to listen to me.”

“I could hear you from here.” I cant exactly see him, but I know he’s raising his eyebrows right now. “I’m just tired.”

“You’re scared.” Jaskier corrects, I rest my head on my knees.

“Yes, that too.” He giggles.

“But not of the dragon.” I don’t respond to that, just stare at him in the dark, trying to make out his face. Did he come here to tease me again? I wasn’t in a mood for that. “You know, Tae and Vae, they are incredible women.”

“Sure.” I say, gritting my teeth. I try to come up with a plan, where I kick him out, without causing a scene and waking up the entire camp.

“But they’re not dangerously cute.” I imagine he’s smirking right now.

“They’re however dangerous. Strong. Gorgeous.” I point out, closing my eyes. “Hard to impress.”

“Unapproachable, I might add.” Jaskier giggles again, and I stare at the grass, not sure how to feel.

“The Witcher is the most unapproachable… being I’ve met.” I can’t help, but smile. “Yet you made him your friend.”

“You have nothing to worry about,” his tone changes, to a warm and reassuring one, “is all I’m trying to say.”

“I’m not worried.” I say, although I can feel heat rushing to my face. I am glad it’s pitch black, and Jaskier cant see it.

“Okay, then you don’t have to be jealous.” My heart drops as I hang my mouth open. He definitely could see that, as he let’s out a laugh. “Don’t act so surprised, my darling, it’s obvious.”

“I’m not jealous.” I try to defend myself, but to no avail. Even in the dark I can see his smirk, as wide as it gets. “You can flirt with as many women as you please, Jaskier.”

“I may.” He leans back, not taking his eyes off me. “But I only sing about one.”

“I-“ I don’t even know what to say. I feel like I am about to burst. These mixed signals, I want to open this bard’s head and see what he actually thinks. What he feels. I shake my head. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to. I just wanted you to know.” He leans over the tent, closer to me. “I do plan on only singing about one, too.”

“Jaskier…” All of the feelings I have been bottling up for weeks have been waiting for a moment like this.

I must make my shot, even if it doesn’t land, even if it makes things awkward between us. I lean in, pressing my lips against his. It’s a rushed, scared kiss, and I pull away quicker than I want to, but to my surprise, Jaskier leans in now, not letting me escape.

And I don’t plan to.

This kiss feels like I have travelled through a desert and finally got some water. A breath of air after I finished drowning. That sweet sun kiss after a cold winter. It felt like so many things, but most importantly, it felt right.

I wrap my hands around his neck, and I feel him smile. No, I can taste his smile. It tastes like honey, and the best ale your coin could buy. He pulls away, resting his forehead next to mine. He giggles, pulling away more. I look him in the eyes.

“I mean Geralt is the only woman I sing about, but you know.” He teases and I laugh, resting my head on his shoulder. “I guess you will do.”

“Fuck off bard.” I say, still laughing. All of my dreams coming true, right here, right now. I breathe him in, happy to finally hold him so close.

“I couldn’t let my dearest Y/N go to bed with a heavy heart.” Jaskier whispers, pulling away. “But I mustn’t disgrace you, and I will leave. We have a dragon to fight, after we are victorious, we will celebrate.”

“Geralt doesn’t want to kill the dragon.” I remind him, as he sighs, landing one last kiss on my forehead.

“I don’t write history, my lady, I write what people want to hear.” He whispers, and then proceeds to leave the tent. “May you rest easy now, Y/N.”

“You too, Jaskier.”

After my heart calms down, sleeps comes easy, because it feels like I am already dreaming.

The morning is pure chaos. Yennefers knight has been slain. She’s on her own, and although emotionless face is still on, I can tell Geralt is worried sick. Jaskier winks at me, reminding me last night was real, but he also seems slightly annoyed.

The dwarfs offer us a shortcut that we take, and no nobodies surprise, but Jaskiers disappointment, Yennefer joins us on Witchers request. When we reach the actual shortcut, however, I feel like I am about to throw up.

We have to walk around the mountain, from the edge. The path is alright for dwarfs, but us, normal sized humans, it was a death wish. I just got to kiss the man I adore, and now I will die. I silently cussed, as Yennefer ushered Jaskier to go first. I followed right after him, trying to not look down, which proved to be hard, as I needed to know if I am stepping on a path, or on death.

Sadly, things go sour. Borch and his warriors crashed through the planks. Geralt tried to hold on to them, pull them up, but they let go. I felt an ache in my heart, considering I never even gave him, or Tea and Vea a chance. They seemed like good people, only if my heart hadn’t gotten in a way.

The rest of us make it through. Not feeling as excited for our mission as we were before. I hated it now. This trip went from bad, to great, to horrible. I was mentally exhausted. Jaskier went to comfort Geralt. He tried, and from the snippets I caught, he gave him good advice.

What do you truly want.

I stare at the bard, as he sits on that rock alone. Witcher went to chat with Yennefer. I slowly approach Jaskier, sitting next to him. He looks at me.

“What is it that you want, Jaskier?” I ask as he shrugs.

“I want to figure it out.” He says. His hand reach for mine, intertwining our fingers together. “You will be the first to know. But what do you want, Y/N?”

“In my life I never felt like I could want anything.” I say, sighing. “But now, that I have the whole world open… I want to find a home.”

“Home…” Jaskier whispers. I wonder what he’s thinking.

“Home isn’t always a building, however.” I continue. “Sometimes it’s the people, sometimes it’s the forest or an open field. I want to find what home means to me.”

“That’s a good want.” Jaskier smiles. “Maybe I want a home too.”

I grip his hand tighter, as we both stare into the sunset. I hope Geralt and Yennefer also figure something out, as much as Jaskier doesn’t like her, she seems like a nice, strong woman.

I would like a friend like that.

PART FOUR [second to last part, dont worry, i wont drag it on forever lol]

#jaskierxreader #jaskier x reader #jaskier #witcher #jaskier fluff #honeslty tired if hashtags #but i want people to find this so #here it goes again #geralt #geralt of rivia #the mighty witcher #yennefer #yennefer of vengerberg #munchin #buttercup #my personal nicknames for jaskier lmao #jask #dandelion #goodnight

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marshmallowprotection · 4 years ago

Note

You hit the nail on the head for every point there. I honestly dont have much to add so-

Rigby has an AI. She didnt write his base code, but she's changed/improved him so much over the years, there's likely very little left of his original coding. His name is Aleksey, and he's with her pretty much 24/7. Her Deviant suit, at this point, is nanotech, and so she wears a couple pieces of simple, inconspicuous jewelry (bracelet, arm cuff) and a tiny device behind her ear activites her mask and is where, if you will, Aleksey is "stored."

She talks to him often; someone to banter with when she's alone. sometimes he'll talk to her in places where she cant respond -- on purpose cos he's a cheeky little AI lol

Rigby... at this point in her life, she's convinced herself that she's a bad person. Its the reason that part of her doesn't like the fact that Vasyl looks up to her. She has he ups and downs and conflicting viewpoints of herself but she often ends up veering towards the negative.

When she was younger, after her parents disappeared, she treated herself -- her body, her powers -- like an experiment. A direct quote from her: "I'm nothing but a vessel designed to be my own lab rat, Ryder. So, don't waste your breath."

Man, the short that quote comes from is so angsty. It reveals so much, too, I think. How she viewed herself, how she felt lost and without purpose without her parents to guide her, how them leaving affected her:

"I may not understand everything," he said, "but I can't watch you... go through this. I can't just do nothing." ... "And I'm not entirely ignorant on all your struggles. So just... please. Please. Please, just let me help. Don't run off; I swear I just want--"

She quirked a brow, and he froze. "Run off? And abandon this companionship? And be left completely alone again? If there's one thing you can be certain of, it's that you're stuck with me. I don't care if you keeps me at arms length. I don't care if our conversations are surface-level from here on out. I'm not leaving you. And--"

She hesitated, regarding him warily. Abruptly, her expression hardened and she bared her teeth. She couldn't look weak or vulnerable; she had to be cold, closed-off, callous. "And you-- D-don't you dare think of leaving, either." She mentally cursed the shake in her voice that hinted at her anxiety. "I'll- never forgive you," she added in a mumble.

Pathetic. That's not even a threat. That's laughable. You're a joke. That was pathetic. Closed-off, maybe. Cold? Only in tone. Callous? Not even close. Man, I'm heartless by instinct, but when I actually need to be, I can't even bring myself to do it? What a joke.

"Rigby, hey." Ryder's voice cut through her thoughts. "I'm not going anywhere. I would never do that. That's just... That'd be cruel."

How dare he-- She couldn't stop herself. "My parents were kind as all hell!" she snapped. Her heart froze before pumping ice through her system in place of blood. She wasn't supposed to say that-- That's not what he meant at all! Stupid, so stupid. Stupid stupid stupid!

"Rigby." His tone held a vague warning, like he knew her instincts had kicked in. "Rigby, please don't--"

She bolted past him, snatched up her bag by the door, and promptly left his apartment.

[417]

How very angsty of you. She is clearly hiding behind a mask to protect from vulnerability, and it makes sense because the last time she let herself trust anyone wholeheartedly look where it got her. It's only natural for her to try to cut people out as soon as possible before she lets them in. She doesn't want to deal with that level of loss ever again so she's just not going to open up. That can make it hard for her to make good relationships with other people, I know that for sure.

She seems to be doing the best that she can with what she has and that's impossible because it's not easy to stick up for yourself and deal with emotions. Everyone can always do better but trying is the hardest part. That takes the most energy. Willingness.

It does probably pain the people around her for her to treat herself more like a toy than a person, but hey, she doesn't know any better. She was a kid left behind who had to figure it out on her own and she did what she had to do. Even if it was messy or made the way for more problems to spring up.

#mod kait #ask #417 anon #cmc #oc

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knicole0527 · 4 years ago

Text

How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though . But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

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solcheeky · 5 years ago

Text

break a leg arm

summary: mark breaks his arm and a cast is all he needs as an excuse to get you to do everything for him

warnings: mature content insinuated, strong language

a/n: I literally went thru a heck load of his tweets to see what he was like through text lmfao also this is a remake! insp from sheep

[1 Missed Call] broccoli johnny 8:56PM

[New Message] from broccoli johnny 9:00PM, hey

[broccoli johnny] 9:00PM, I know its kind of late but

[broccoli johnny] 9:01PM, mark’s in the ER right now, you busy?

[you] 9:05PM, wtf

[you] 9:05PM, where

[you] 9:05PM, why

[broccoli johnny] 9:06PM, nothing serious dw

[broccoli johnny] 9:06PM, we’re in seoul national

[you] 9:07PM, okay im coming

[broccoli johnny] 9:07PM, mind coming over?

[broccoli johnny] 9:08PM, oh

[broccoli johnny] 9:08PM, lol cool cool

[broccoli johnny] 9:08PM, just text me when you get here :-)

[you] 9:34PM, I’m here where are you?

[broccoli johnny] 9:35PM, hold on

[broccoli johnny] 9:35PM, jae cant get his drink out of the vending machine

[broccoli johnny] 9:35PM, we’ll meet u in the lobby in a sec

[you] 9:36PM, jaehyun you are a grown man

[broccoli johnny] 9:36PM, jae said hes not going to share his drink with you now

[New Message] from lioncub 11:45PM, Sorry for making you worry haha and thank you for coming over so fast

[lioncub] 11:45PM, You home ssfe yet?

[lioncub] 11:45PM, *Safe

[lioncub] 11:46PM, Damn this whole cast on my arm thing is really getting in the way haha

[you] 11:46PM, always<3 and yea I am :) you?

[lioncub] 11:46PM, Yeah, everyone’s in bed. Johnjae’s about to leave

[you] 11:46PM, nice

[you] 11:47PM, tell jaehyun that I hope he falls over

[lioncub] 11:48PM, Woah hahahaha

[lioncub] 11:48PM, Is this because he didn’t share his drink with you?

[you] 11:48PM, it was the last one left >:( and the traitor drank it all >:((

[lioncub] 11:50PM, Haha

[you] 11:50PM, >:(

[lioncub] 11:51PM, You’re so cute

[you] 11:51PM, wow you type so slow

[lioncub] 11:51PM, I brokr my ar, !!!

[you] 11:51PM, yikes

[lioncub] 11:52PM, Dude dp you want me to type fast or not?

[you] 11:52PM, you’ll make mistakes either way👀

[lioncub] 11:52PM, *Do

[lioncub] 11:53PM, Hahaha very funny lool

[lioncub] 11:54PM, Come on babr

[lioncub] 11:54PM, *Basbr

[lioncub] 11:54PM, *Babve

[lioncub] 11:54PM, Damn. *babe

[you] 11:54PM, just. don’t text me anymore .

[lioncub] 11:55PM, Wait what !!!!!

[lioncub] 11:55PM, But my cast wont br off for weeks!!

[lioncub] 11:56PM, Babe !

[lioncub] 11:56PM, D: !!

[you] 11:56PM, I meant that like..... ‘call me’ you dummy

[lioncub] 11:57PM, Oh

[lioncub] 11:57PM, Oops

[Incoming Call] lioncub 11:58PM

[New Message] from marks arm 1:12PM, They left me at home :/

[marks arm] 1:12PM, All alone

[marks arm] 1:13PM, And I’m bored :/

[marks arm] 1:13PM, Bee

[marks arm] 1:13PM, Oh

[marks arm] 1:14PM, Are

[marks arm] 1:14PM, D

[marks arm] 1:14PM, b o r e d

[marks arm] 1:15PM, Babe

[marks arm] 1:15PM, Babe?

[marks arm] 1:15PM, Ba b e

[Missed Video Call] marks arm 1:17PM

[you] 1:21PM, oh shit sory just came out yhe shower

[marks arm] 1:22PM, Oh lool sorry

[marks arm] 1:22PM, You going out somewhere?

[marks arm] 1:23PM, OH are you coming over? :0

[you] 1:23PM, huh? no

[you] 1:23PM, lmfao gotta go to the supermarket

[marks arm] 1:24PM, Is that code for my dorm?

[you] 1:24PM, uh

[you] 1:24PM, what

[marks arm] 1:25PM, Super-MARK-et

[marks arm] 1:25PM, 😏😏😏

[you] 1:25PM, …………

[marks arm] 1:26PM, Dude. You can’t tell me that wanst funny

[you] 1:26PM, ……………………

[marks arm] 1:26PM, Comn on man. That was pretty funny!!!

[marks arm] 1:27PM, *Wasn’t *Come

[marks arm] 1:27PM, 😏😏😏 ???

[you] 1:27PM, I’m not coming over just because you made a ‘good’ joke

[marks arm] 1:28PM, Hahahahaha! babe please!!

[marks arm] 1:28PM, I’m so fucking bored~

[marks arm] 1:28PM, I have thid dumbass cast on now and the boys wont be back till waaayy later

[marks arm] 1:29PM, *This

[marks arm] 1:30PM, It’s not like I can take the cast off. But you can keep me company!!

[marks arm] 1:30PM, Pretty please🥺

[you] 1:30PM, but I gotta go shop D:

[marks arm] 1:31PM, Oh right. yeah lol

[marks arm] 1:31PM, but you can come over after?😏

[you] 1:31PM, hmmmmmm

[marks arm] 1:32PM, No one’s home😏 and

[marks arm]1:32PM, and Iwanttohugyou

[marks arm] 1:33PM, Plus I promise I won’t hug you with my casr haha

[marks arm] 1:33PM, *Cast

[you] 1:33PM, cute

[marks arm] 1:34PM, Did.. Did you not just hear what I said?

[marks arm] 1:34PM, No one’s home !!!

[you] 1:35PM, fine :[

[you] 1:35PM, but after I shop :>

[marks arm] 1:36PM, Alright nice haha. After you shop. Got it !

[New Message] from marks arm 1:45PM, Can you get me snacks??

[marks arm] 1:49PM, You can’t just leave me on read !!!!

[you] 8:03PM, can’t believe I bought you snacks for that

[marks arm] 8:04PM, It was the cast!! I swear !!

[marks arm] 8:04PM, You weren’t the only one uncomfortable >:( I can’t hold myself up over you when my arm is broken lool

[you] 8:05PM, I’m taking your lap next time🙄

[marks arm] 8:05PM, Oh woah

[you] 8:06PM, ‘woah’ what?

[marks arm] 8:06PM, :0

[marks arm] 8:06PM, Woah nothing. Hahahaha

[you] 8:06PM, okay well,,, save your lap for me next time

[marks arm] 8:07PM, lol okay

[marks arm] 8:07PM, Next time.

[marks arm] 8:07PM, I like that

[New Message] from marker 2:20AM, You awake?

[you] 2:21AM, no

[marker] 2:21AM, Oh okay nevermind then

[you] 2:22AM, …

[you] 2:22AM, uh mark

[marker] 2:23AM, Wait a minute

[you] 2:23AM, there we go😂😂

[marker] 2:23AM, ;/

[you] 2:23AM, LOL whats up? its 2am🤔dont you have to go studio in the morning🤔

[marker] 2:24AM, Yeah :/ but my arm hurts ;/

[you] 2:24AM, badly?

[marker] 2:25AM, Mhm :(

[marker] 2:25AM, I cant sleep :(( it hurts :/ like actually really hurts

[you] 2:25AM, lemme get back to you in 7 years after I get my doctors licence

[marker] 2:26AM, Hahahahahahaha

[marker] 2:26AM, Can you get back to me in 3secs as my bestfriend instead?

[you] 2:26AM, touché

[marker] 2:26AM, Haha

[marker] 2:27AM, Let me video call you?

[you] 2:27AM, doyoung is asleep though

[marker] 2:27AM, Yeaahh

[marker] 2:28AM, But I wantf to see you :(

[you] 2:28AM, you saw me today ?

[marker] 2:28AM, It wasnt enough :(

[you] 2:29AM, are you okay??

[marker] 2:29AM, Yeah! I am! I just

[marker] 2:29AM, idk

[marker] 2:29AM, Seeing you makesd me feel better

[you] 2:29AM, cute

[marker] 2:29AM, Shutup man

[marker] 2:30AM, Just let me call youuu

[you] 2:30AM, hm

[you] 2:31AM, fine

[you] 2:31AM, this is my way of making up for my lack of a doctors licence

[marker] 2:31AM, hahahahahahahaha

[marker] 2:31AM, I’m gonna wake up doyoung laughing like this

[you] 2:32AM, lmao pls dont blame me when he whoops your ass in the morning

[marker] 2:32AM, I wont :)

[Incoming Call] marks arm 2:33AM

[[theres too many ppl in this gc. mark pls exit😘]]

[doyoung]: Mark looks like a sardine that was left to dry out in the sun for 12 days

[marker]: Hey man

[marker]: Thats just mean

[fullsun]: not mean, just the truth💅🏼

[doyoung]: It’s because he was up all night talking to you know who👀

[mr peach]: exposed

[you]: mark you said doyoung was a heavy sleeper

[doyoung]: He lied.

[marker]: We werent that loud man

[nakamoto]: I could hear mark from my bedroom

[let’s winwin!]: *our bedroom

[let’s winwin!]: and no we couldn’t

[nakamoto]: I did👀

[broccolli johnny]: all yuta does is lie lmfao

[marker]: How??!!?

[marker]: Your bedroom is upstairs!!!

[junguwu]: ? I couldnt hear them ??? and I’m next door

[nakamoto]: if I was upstairs then explain to me how I heard y/n complaining about how mark farts too much🤔🤔🤔

[marker]: Oh my god

[broccoli johnny]: LMFAAAOO

[junguwu]: HAHAH HAHAHAHAH

[mr peach]: this again LOL

[you]: I still can’t believe they let you talk about marks farts in your tmi vids

[oldman]: 😂😂😂😂😂oh no

[fullsun]: the dried sardine has got some explaining to do👀

[marker]: Dude its not true!!! I swear !!!!!!

[you]: a little bit true

[doyoung]: ✋also a witness

[marker]: >:0

[marker]: Fucking betrayers!!!!!!!

[marker]: Johnny tell them its not true !!!

[broccoli johnny]: my hands are tied bro🤗

[marker]: whAT

[marker]: Jaehyun?!

[mr peach]: its not true.

[doyoung]: Way to sound believable🙄

[nakamoto]: word on the street y/n is tired of mark never saying sorry or excusing himself from farting🤧

[marker]: You guys are just big bullies man

[marker]: Sicheng man you’re the only one I have left😭

[let’s winwin!]: lol no

[fullsun]: yuta may be lying about hearing yall last night but👀

[fullsun]: the fart thing is true👀

[nakamoto]: i rest my case

[broccoli johnny]: one day mark is gonna fart and it’ll poison you all

[nakamoto]: I heard hes poisoned a couple of people already🧐

[marker]: DUDE

[New Message] from mark LEE 10:11AM, Hey can I ask you something?

[you] 10:12AM, sure whats up?

[you] 10:12AM, you okay?

[mark LEE] 10:13AM, So um ;//

[mark LEE] 10:13AM, My farts dont annoy you do they?

[you] 10:14AM, LOL mARK

[mark LEE] 10:14AM, What ?! what!!!!

[mark LEE] 10:14AM, I’m serious!!!

[you] 10:15AM, its been like 3 days since that conversation

[mark LEE] 10:15AM, And I havent been able to fart in front of you since!!

[you] 10:15AM, LMAAOOO MARKKKK

[mark LEE] 10:16AM, Babe I’m deadass!!!

[you] 10:16AM, yuta was just joking stupid

[mark LEE] 10:17AM, :/

[mark LEE] 10:17AM, I know

[mark LEE] 10:17AM, But

[you] 10:18AM, but?

[mark LEE] 10:18AM, I fart

[mark LEE] 10:18AM, like

[mark LEE] 10:18AM, a lot

[you] 10:19AM, omg mark

[you] 10:19AM, it doesnt matter!! I think its cute

[mark LEE] 10:19AM, What?!

[you] 10:19AM, when you fart youre cute

[you] 10:20AM, when you sneeze youre cute

[you] 10:20AM, when you talk youre cute

[you] 10:20AM, even when you just breathe youre fucking cute

[you] 10:20AM, I dont care about your farts

[mark LEE] 10:21AM, You’re weird

[you] 10:21AM, ask the groupchat if you dont believe me

[[theres too many ppl in this gc. mark pls exit😘]]

[marker]: Anyways guys

[junguwu]: ya

[marker]: Am I cute?

[fullsun]: no

[New Message] from cute idiot 9:37PM, Where are you?

[cute idiot] 9:37PM, Babe

[cute idiot] 9:37PM, The bath is gonna get cold man

[you] 9:40PM, we got a problem

[cute idiot] 9:40PM, What? No lighter? Not even matchsticks?

[you] 9:40PM, johnjae are here

[cute idiot] 9:41PM, !???!?!?!?!!!

[cute idiot] 9:41PM, whAT

[cute idiot] 9:41PM, Like in the dorm here?!?!??

[you] 9:41PM, yea you dummy

[cute idiot] 9:41PM, Shit whAT

[you] 9:42PM, wtf happened to ‘no one is coming home till late today’ !???!!

[cute idiot] 9:42PM, I

[cute idiot] 9:42PM, I DIDNT KNOW I SWEAR OMG

[cute idiot] 9:42PM, wHAT DID U SAY TO THEM

[you] 9:43PM, I look like a psycho mark

[cute idiot] 9:43PM, tHATS WHAT YOU SAID?

[you] 9:43PM, nO

[you] 9:44PM, they caught me… in the kitchen…. going through the drawers

[you] 9:44PM, with just your tshirt on…

[you] 9:44PM, my hair is wet af mark

[cute idiot] 9:45PM, oh god

[you] 9:45PM, how was i supposed to explain myself ?!

[you] 9:45PM, tell them my hair is wet because I just climbed out of the bath i was sharing with their roommate ?!!?

[you] 9:45PM, tell them i needed something to light the candles beside the fucking bubble bath ?!??

[cute idiot] 9:45PM, Shit shit shit

[you] 9:46PM, and all because you couldnt get out of the tub without injuring your broken-arm ??!

[cute idiot] 9:46PM, Oh my gof

[cute idiot] 9:46PM, Please tell me that is not what you said

[cute idiot] 9:46PM, Oh my god

[cute idiot] 9:46PM, This is so embarrassing

[cute idiot] 9:47PM, Dude

[cute idiot] 9:47PM, Why arnet you answering?!?!

[cute idiot] 9:47PM, What the fuc do I do

[you] 9:48PM, hold on theyre talking to me

[cute idiot] 9:48PM, I’m freakinghout

[you] 9:48PM, apparently theyre back early because they need to go prerecord nct nightnight

[you] 9:48PM, johnny needed to pick something up on the way

[cute idiot] 9:48PM, Oh god

[cute idiot] 9:48PM, Whdt do I do?!

[cute idiot] 9:48PM, Do I getr out!?

[you] 9:49PM, told them you were showering

[cute idiot] 9:49PM, Shit

[cute idiot] 9:49PM, Okay I’m turning on the shower

[cute idiot] 9:49PM, You know

[cute idiot] 9:49PM, For soubnd effects

[cute idiot] 9:49PM, Shit man shitr

[cute idiot] 9:49PM, wait

[cute idiot] 9:49PM, wb you?!

[cute idiot] 9:50PM, You didn’t dry yourself. Dude you didn’t even bring a towel

[cute idiot] 9:50PM, Hwo you gonna explain

[you] 9:51PM, told them your dumbass slipped

[you] 9:51PM, and I had to help you because of your arm

[you] 9:51PM, wait brb

[cute idiot] 9:51PM, Nooo dont brb me

[cute idiot] 9:52PM, I feel exposed now

[cute idiot] 9:52PM, Oh my god

[cute idiot] 9:52PM, This is the worst

[cute idiot] 9:52PM, This is the WORST

[cute idiot] 9:53PM, Babe?

[you] 9:57PM, okay theyre gone😪😪

[cute idiot] 9:57PM, Thank god

[cute idiot] 9:57PM, Did they believe you?

[you] 9:58PM, I fucking hope so

[you] 9:58PM, I’m coming back

[cute idiot] 9:58PM, Be quick ;/ I kinda made a mess

[[foreign swaggers💯💯💯]]

[sexy boi ten]: just out of curiosity🧐

[sexy boi ten]: who here loves bubble baths?

[johns banana]: hmmmmmm idk man🤔 good question🤔

[jeffrey]: 😂😂😂

[kark]: Oh my god

[sexy boi ten]: I think one of us is a bubble bath enthusiast

[sexy boi ten]: but I just cant put my finger on it🧐

[kark]: Can’t believe you told ten

[johns banana]: told him what🤔🤔

[kark]: Don’t lie to me bro

[sexy boi ten]: i think youre the only one lying here

[kark]: 😨😨😨

[kark]: Jaehyun please help me

[jeffrey]: I heard there were candles

[kark]: 😧

[johns banana]: candles ?! 🤔 oh gasp🤧

[sexy boi ten]: so this is what you get up to when no ones around

[kark]: hahahaha noooo

[kark]: youre making it sound super weird man !!

[jeffrey]: lmfaaooo

[sexy boi ten]: this whole broken limb thing doesnt seem so bad now

[kark]: we didnt /do/ anything

[sexy boi ten]: why?😏 were you supposed have done something? 😏😏

[kark]: hahaha oh my god

[johns banana]: what are you tryna say mark🤗

[kark]: dude !!!!!!!

[kark]: youre all making this way weirder than it already is man

[jeffrey]: arent you the one making it weird?

[sexy boi ten]: johnny break my arm so i can get a bubble bath

[johns banana]: you dont have a girlfriend

[sexy boi ten]: i know

[sexy boi ten]: but i could have a boyfriend

[jeffrey]: you dont have a boyfriend either

[sexy boi ten]: then can you run me a bubble bath instead😘😘😘😘

[kark]: what

[johns banana]: depends… do I get to join

[kark]: wHAT

[johns banana]: I’ll be the mark to your y/n

[jeffrey]: this is going in my TMI

[New Message] from marks arm 4:15PM, They keep teasing me about the bath thing

[you] 4:15PM, so no more baths together?

[marks arm] 4:16PM, I didn’t say that........

[New Message] from bunny doyoung 6:47PM, Change of plans

[bunny doyoung] 6:47PM, He’s already on the way to yours

[you] 6:48PM, what?!

[you] 6:48PM, I was about to leave

[bunny doyoung] 6:49PM, Sorry I couldnt stop him

[bunny doyoung] 6:49PM, Said there’s too many of us in the dorm at the moment lmao

[bunny doyoung] 6:50PM, He’s such a kid

[you] 6:50PM, ffs mark

[you] 6:51PM, thanks do

[bunny doyoung] 6:51PM, Of course

[you] 6:53PM, mark wth

[you] 6:53PM, doyoung said youre coming here

[marks eggs] 6:55PM, Sorry baby

[marks eggs] 6:55PM, It’s way too hectic back there

[you] 6:56PM, you know I dont mind

[marks eggs] 6:56PM, I do this time

[marks eggs] 6:57PM, I want alone time with you

[you] 6:57PM, but I made food for the boys

[marks eggs] 6:57PM, I’ll eat it all :)

[you] 6:58PM, marrrrrkk

[marks eggs] 6:58PM, Too late I’m outside

[marks eggs] 6:58PM, Open up

[New Message] ty track 1:00AM, He’s not coming back tonight is he?

[you] 1:01AM, defo not

[you] 1:01AM, hes asleep on my lap atm

[ty track] 1:02AM, Sigh

[ty track] 1:02AM, Fine, make sure he wakes up early

[ty track] 1:03AM, He has to be back by 7am, we have a shoot in the morning

[you] 1:03AM, okay sure thing

[ty track] 1:03AM, Get some rest too

[you] 1:04AM, thanks tae you too💚

[ty track] 1:04AM, Goodnight💚

[you] 1:05AM, night :)

[[dreamies but not rlly]]

[pudu]: what time did you say you were going to come over again?

[you]: before 10 why?

[pudu]: because marks trying to break up renjun and jaemin from wrestling

[pudu]: with one arm

[jenojam]: is that what all that yelling is?

[you]: hyuck

[you]: why are you texting me when you can help him out

[pudu]: y/n thats a dumb question and you know it

[dolphinle]: such a dumb question

[you]: why arent any of you doing anything????????

[pudu]: why dont you just come over sooner ^^

[you]: hyuck I cant I’m running errands atm

[dolphinle]: see y/n is running errands hyung

[you]: thanks chenle

[pudu]: shutup chenle

[you]: wheres jisung

[jisung park]: staying out of the mess

[you]: good.

[you]: one less dreamie to worry about

[jisung park]: youre welcome

[pudu]: okay they stopped play fighting :/

[jenojam]: because mark says his arm hurts

[you]: you guys are the worst

[pudu]: *best

[moomin]: you guys are snitches

[dolphinle]: and snitches get stitches

[jaemin<3]: renjun broke my neck

[moomin]: did not

[moomin]: your stupid neck happened to fall into my hands

[pudu]: LMAOO

[jaemin<3]: :0 can u believe this

[you]: is mark okay?

[jenojam]: no

[mark sucks]: Yes

[mark sucks]: hahahaha just carry on with your errands and come at 10 I have this unser contrl

[mark sucks]: *Under

[mark sucks]: *Control

[pudu]: HAHA what lies

[jisung park]: hyung doesnt have anything under control

[jaemin<3]: youre not going to ask if I’m okay? :(

[moomin]: jaemin ur still breathing right?

[moomin]: yea thats what I thought

[dolphinle]: ye thats what he thought

[jaemin<3]: I didnt even say anything yet!!

[pudu]: LMFAAOO

[you]: jeno help

[jenojam]: je-no thank you

[[theres too many ppl in this gc. mark pls exit😘]]

[tytrack]: well then who was it?

[nakamoto]: I think johnny was the last one to use the vacuum

[marker]: Babe can you pick up a box on the way ;/ we ranm out lastr night

[nakamoto]: .................

[fullsun]: well okay. this was fun. g2g. forever. ✌️✌️✌️

[doyoung]: Only mark would do this.

[nakamoto]: 🤡🤡🤡🤡

[doyoung]: Seriously only mark.

[marker]: Shit!!!

[marker]: Fucvbk man

[you]: wrong chat you fat loser

[canada mark] 7:00PM, Shit baby I’m so soryr

[you] 7:00PM, you’re the biggest dummy😂😂😂

[[theres too many ppl in this gc. mark pls exit😘]]

[junguwu]: a box of what?

[tytrack]: what the fuck mark

[junguwu]: oh

[marker]: Dude I didn’t mean to!!!

[broccoli johnny]: this is why he left the dorm so quick lmfao

[marker]: Baby I’m so so so sorry I’ll make it up for you tonight

[junguwu]: :0

[you] 7:05PM, wRONG CHAT AGAIN STUPID

[canada mark] 7:05PM, FCUK

[[theres too many ppl in this gc. mark pls exit😘]]

[nakamoto]: jc mark🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

[fullsun]: can we push the gc name into full gear now?

[fullsun]: it’s no longer a joke.

[marker]: IM IN SO MANY GROUPCHATS ITS HARD OKAY

[you] 7:07PM, you’re lucky you have a broken arm or else

[canada mark] 7:08PM, Dude I’m so sorry. Like really.

[canada mark] 7:08PM, I was rushing in case you left the store already ;/ sorry :(

[canada mark] 7:08PM, I’ll do whatever you want ! promise.

[you] 7:09PM, you can barely do anything with that broken arm stupid

[you] 7:09PM, its okay😂

[canada mark] 7:09PM, Really?

[you] 7:10PM, lets just say you owe me one

‘you changed [canada mark] to [stupid mark]’

[stupid mark] 7:11PM, Yeah okay. I deserve that one.

[New Message] from stupid mark 7:24AM, Can I call you?

[stupid mark] 7:24AM, I seriously hate texting ;/

[you] 7:25AM, is it because of the wrong groupchat thing or your cast?

[stupid mark] 7:25AM, ......both lol

[you] 7:25AM, okay but I’m in bed bby its so early

[stupid mark] 7:25AM, Perfect!! then you don’t have to move !

[stupid mark] 7:25AM, Just close your eyes and talk to me :^)

[you] 7:26AM, you can talk to everyone else whos awake :^)

[stupid mark] 7:25AM, Everyones getting their hair done and stuff

[stupid mark] 7:26AM, And I’m handicapped let me call you.

[you] 7:26AM, wooooow ‘handicapped’ you can’t text me

[Incoming Video Call] stupid mark 7:26PM

[stupid mark] 7:2APM, Pick up!! please!!

[New Message] from sore loser 11:20PM, :((((

[you] 11:21PM, mark?

[you] 11:21PM, whats wrong?

[sore loser] 11:22PM, Do you want to come with me to the doctors get my cast off tomorrow?

[you] 11:22PM, huh????

[you] 11:22PM, I mean yeah sure but

[you] 11:22PM, whats with the sad face?

[sore loser] 11:23PM, No! I’m happy! but sad ;/

[sore loser] 11:23PM, I get to be on stage again but ;( I can’t play damsel in distress anymore haha

[sore loser] 11:23PM, If I call you over, you’ll still come right?

[you] 11:24PM, depends.........

[sore loser] 11:24PM, See!!

[you] 11:24PM, I’m just kidding lmao

[sore loser] 11:24PM, Oh

[sore loser] 11:24PM, So... You’ll still shampoo my hair sometimes? ;/ or like sit on my lap,,and stuff ;/// ??

[you] 11:25PM, you know I’ll do all those things regardless whether your arm is broken or not

[sore loser] 11:25PM, You’re the best

[you] 11:25PM, plus you still owe me one :^)

[sore loser] 11:25PM, Oh yeah! I do !!

‘you changed [sore loser] to [<3]’

[<3] 11:26PM, Hahaha cute

[<3] 11:26PM, Okay :))))

[<3] 11:26PM, I’ll give you what I owe you tomorrow after we go doctors ;) <3

[you] 11:27PM, perfect

[<3] 11:27PM, Yeah, perfect :))

[New Message] from <3 9:34AM, Yeah, oops. Not so perfect..... omg I’m sorry

[you] 9:34AM, yeah your arm is like jelly its weird

[<3] 9:34AM, Hahahahaha

[<3] 9:34AM, In three weeks then?

[New Message] from <3 9:36AM, You can’t just leave me on read !!!!!!!!!

[You are Video Calling <3 ...] 9:36AM

#mark lee #mark lee texts #mark lee scenarios #mark lee sns #mark lee fic #mark lee imagine #mark lee scenario #mark lee fluff #mark lee fanfic

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little-leech-boy · 4 years ago

Text

So, Unus and Annus are reaching the last hour of existence, and they said that if we want, we could write our last words to them and our aspirations, and.... I wanna do it

I'm taking this stupidly seriously but this, this channel became important to me, it made me expand my thoughts on what I thought death was to me and what my life is to me

But here we go

I haven't been here for the beginning, I didnt watch every video and I never bought merch, but regardless this channel and these videos worked there way into my thoughts, and this livestream made me stupid sentimental. My internet currently is shitting itself and I might not see the end properly, but that's ok.

Death to me, is the end

That's it, I dont know if there is an after and I dont care, I dont fear the emotions and pain I might feel facing my demise but I do fear one thing. I fear of what my death will do to the world i leave behind.

Will it change? Will it mourn? Will it rejoice??? Or will absolutely nothing happen, and time keeps moving forward as it does. More importantly however, how would the people I love remember me? After death I will be gone and over, there wont be anything left of me besides the legacy I have left and the memory people hold of me, so I cant help but think of the only thing I CAN think of involving my demise. But this is egotistical of me is it not? Death is normal, and I am not special for thinking this way, I am going to die and so will you guys. But in all honesty I cannot think of any other way to perceive my death, I cannot for the life of me think of anything else to say about it.

That's also ok, I'm alive

I'll never understand my death as long as I live.

But I obsess so much, about what will happen after I die, but I try not to think about what will happen as I continue to live.

I am young, and I am childish, I am naive and I am hopeful.

I only really truly desire one thing in my life more than anything, even if it may change over time.

I want to make a story I love, and characters whom can share my thoughts and feelings, in their own unique experiences, and become their own people from them as well. I want to create art that would do them justice and I want to love it so, so, so much

I know I dont draw as much as want, I should not force myself to per say, but I find it difficult to find motive to.

At this moment that is my only goal in my life, I just want to love what I create

I will one day

Even if I may die before I create such a story, I will love my art, I do love it now

I love it because I CREATED it

I made it, I birthed something simply because I wanted to, because its fun

And I really, really wish I could see that everyday.

But I do not, and that's ok, that's ok

Its ok

This channel taught me to, learn what it is that I value about my life and my death, and because I overthink MANY things this was not always a good thing lol

It will die soon, and that's ok

But that does not mean I will not feel, grief

No matter how much or little that grief may be.

So what shall I do? When it does? When it dies 20 minutes from now as I'm writing this?

Well I'll cry

I'll cry, and cry and cry

Because it is what I can do

I don't know what my life will be like, I cant find the words to describe what I think of it as, as of writing this at least.

But

But I

I want to live

I AM living

I AM ALIVE

and I'm so glad that I am, I used to think living was a burden, I used to hate that fact

But I'm still here, I'm still breathing and I'm so

I'm so relieved, that I chose to stay alive.

And I hope that those who are reading this feel that too, maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon.

Soon.

Because it is, such an amazing thing to be here, with you, and with my family and friends, and with strangers I'll never meet

This has gone in a while

This is clearly important to me so I wanted to be transparent in my feelings. I dont know how u all will react to this and I dont know if you will care.

But that's okay, you dont need to take anything from this.

Well

Except for one thing.

Momento Mori, Remember Death

Remember Life

Unus Annus

Thank you so much for reading my rambles about my existence, thank you so much

I'm glad you are alive reading this as well

I'm glad we exist :)

#momento mori #unus anuus #unus annus is over party

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ihavenoconsistentname · 5 years ago

Text

Lol real quick I'm gonna be depressing in undertone/context by saying nice things about my friends and stuff because I randomly was like "You know what it could be the last time I see/hear from/talk to any one of my friends at any moment and I wouldn't realize it" and I just stopped what I was doing and was like alright I'm gonna tell you nice things because I love my friends dearly and I'm so distant half the time and again I never know when I'll never be able to talk to them again so here we goes

I'm doing friends I can tag here and other friends or people I just have admiration for but may not necessarily be sure of calling friends (they have to call me their friend first for me to say alright we're friends its their decision not mine lol) and yea UHM anyways

Starting off, @myzlmao

My dude I really was convinced at one point for a good damn while that you were dead and that was depressing and I was so happy to hear from you again even if it may not have seemed that way. You're been my buddy for quite a while now and it's almost like, what, the third "anniversary" of when all of us on Amino met?? And I knew you way before Josh and Aub and Cole and stuff, you were one of my first friends on Amino alongside Ken. We've struggled a lot before but I'm really glad I got to see you make it out of that. And I really hope you can continue getting through it. I've got a lot of good memories with you and I really want to be able to see you get better and be happy, you deserve that so much.

Next up, @kool-aidd

God you're just such a great friend dude. I can barely put that into words. At first you were just someone I had a few things in common with, I thought you were pretty cool, now we've got a fucking empire (still small and a bit insignificant but still there kind of like the Holy Roman Empire lol) (I don't remember the historical significance of that one much but anyways-) and you're just absolutely amazing. You've stuck by me and made me feel like I'm not alone with all my depressive shit even if I've kinda hurt your feelings before (and no I'm probably not going to excuse myself from that ever). I really can't explain how much I value you as a person, as a friend, as a right hand man/second in command, you're just so damn amazing, I love ya pal.

Now for @oof-grey-leader

Grey, just like everyone in Valere, you're awesome. You're amazing. I know I even still don't know you the best, but you're a really great friend to have and you've helped cheer me up multiple times before. I love your art, I love your personality, you're awesome. Just remember you are absolutely valid and we love you so much bud.

@lilacsandthistles

Similarly to Grey, while I still don't know you the best LT, you're also amazing. You have such a great personality, and your art is absolutely adorable. Also? Your love for moths? Amazing. I love it. I really enjoy having you as a friend even if I don't talk to you too much.

@comebelonely

Obviously I can't just not talk about Chris. Everyone knows that. But seriously, Chris, you've pulled my ass out of severe depression and wanting to s//lf h//rm and shit multiple times before. And for fucks sake you're just such an amazing human being, I absolutely love your personality, just like everyone else your art is amazing (don't fight me on that don't you dare-), and you're one of the best friends I've ever had. It doesn't matter if you can't always feel too great, it doesn't matter if you suddenly feel upset, I'm always gonna love ya and be here for you and you know that. You're just so fucking great. And that's also why I'm gonna wear those earrings for the rest of my life.

@evotaurtis

Taurtiiisss out of everyone I've talked to you the least but I of course still value you as a human being. Absolutely love your art, you're an amazing person, and I hope that you'll be able to get through those rough times you have. Always take care of yourself bud.

As for my other friends and such or just people I find cool/admirable, I'll not act like I'm talking to them since they cant hear me but instead I'll describe what I like/love about them or a few of them that I can really think of at the moment

Mads: Absolutely love her personality, she's one of the nicest people ever, I love her singing, she makes me feel happy a lot and I love having her as a friend (plus she's my nerd buddy in SkillsUSA)

Sophia: Love my kiddo, she's adorable and I love her personality too. She's such a positive and happy person

Alic: One of my best friends ever, he has a personality I'm really comfortable with because it's playful enough but not annoying or anything, amazing hugs, love him. He's kinda like a brother to me as well.

Aub: Another one of my kiddos, love her art, meme child, she's one of the only 2 from Amino I'll still talk to (when I say Amino I mean the one where we all met and by we I mean Myz, Josh, Cole, Ken, etc.). She can also help make me feel better with her stupid memes sometimes

Dev: Another one that I barely know well, but he is an absolutely lovely rat and I enjoy giving him hugs and stuff even though we don't talk a whole lot.

Also a general thing for everyone in Valere: No matter how little I know some of you, I fucking love you all (and yeah theres not many of you but still) and you're my beloved empire residents. You've all got amazing qualities, be it your art or personality or otherwise, and you're all great. It makes me happy just having you in my empire.

I'm sorry if this sounded depressing lol it kind of was in the context but idk I never know when I could lose any of you and I just wanna make sure I say how much I love you guys. You're all great. Everyone is great. I love everyone. Even if you weren't mentioned specifically, still, love ya and you're still amazing.

(This took me a lil while to type aaagh)

#again mildly depressing but its night time and i always get like that at night #oh well #love you all v much #alex rambling

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allforthecourtt · 6 years ago

Text

rereading aftg with my dumbass opinions pt. 2 (tfc chapters 6-10)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

look guys! its the highly unanticipated continuation of my reread of aftg!

chapter 6 (aka. meet this MESS of a team)

“My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave.”

neil really never misses an opportunity to remind readers that he fucking buried his mom on the beach huh?

“A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you.”

have i mentioned how entertaining high andrew is? because he’s funny as hell

also rereading these are fun because Nora is incredible at foreshadowing just sayin

“Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.”

how neil would be in the back of the cousins’ car if they let him:

“You?" Neil said. "You can't." Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?" "Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do.”

HO HO HOLY SHIT NEIL

“Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil” to be, though.”

“Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday.”

awe suicidal wretch... glad they’re starting those pet names early

“I don't drink or dance," Neil said.

andrew: i kno u can

“Kevin doesn't dance anymore”

anymore? ANYMORE??? release the cursed events that led to him not dancing anymore Nora im begging you

“Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked. "Nowhere vital," Neil said.

gskjgnsak god i stan this little asshole so much

“She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier”

have i mentioned how gay i am for renee? because im very gay for renee

“Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.”

im also gay for allison ngl

“I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said. "No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. ”

lol remember how neil doesn’t think he’s attractive and yet in 0.1 seconds after meeting him allison is like “yes this idiot is hot enough to piss off the other idiot im dating”

“Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome.”

no offence dan but that’s fucking hilarious omg

that’s kind of like the time my residence floor had to get evacuated bc some kids hotboxed their dorm room

god i love uni

“The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth.”

pfffffttttt i love Nicky omg

also hahahahahah foreshadowing!

“It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?" It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. ”

again this is why i thought they were fucking for like the better part of the first two books

“The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.”

it’s fine i didnt need a heart anyways

this kid is 18 hes A BABY

the first time i read this i was 18 too and like jfc i was a BABY at 18 and so i neil

“One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it.”

sorry let me just wipe my TEARS off my fucking laptop neil honey what the fuck

“He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.”

neil we get it you have depression (me too bitch u aint special)

“Fuck running," Seth said.

now that’s a whole ass mood

“he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.”

haha bitch just wait

“when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.”

remember how at the end of the series his father is waiting on the court but neil wins??? god we love good storytelling

this is such a fucking wild chapter

could you imagine? coming back from the summer and your first introduction to this amateur from arizona is this neil josten level of sass? because i’d probably kill him

first years are bad enough but first years who dont care about other people’s opinions? the fucking worst

chapter 7 (aka. neil does NOT have a fun night out)

“It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.”

that’s just how the straights are

“It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.”

i’ll just leave this gem of a line here

“His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last.”

neil shading himself is actually hilarious how relatable

“Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.”

i actually love the fact that andrew bought him clothes so early on like andrew your gay is showing

“Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.”

i thank god everyday that these books are neil’s pov

“Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going.”

^andrew seeing neil w/o contacts (aka. the ‘i can’t think straight’ vine)

“Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.”

this... is a... gay bar

“Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely.”

i always forget the drinking age in the us is 21 but like this bar really dont care about their liquor license AT ALL lmao

“You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?" "What future?" Neil asked.”

WOW NEIL WAY TO BE A BITCH

“Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over.”

why are the twins literally this gif:

real talk nicky kissing neil like that is horrible and really reflects poorly on nicky as a character

andrew for this entire chapter:

chapter 8 (aka. a hitchhiker’s guide to lying about your identity)

“I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”

this is probably my favourite thing neil does in the entire series ngl

“Wymack grabbed his elbow and hauled him inside. He slowed just long enough to slam the door behind Neil. "Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?”

Why does Wymack literally sound like my father?

foxes: daddy?

wymack: DO I LOOK LIKE

follow up:

kevin: daddy?

wymack: uh yeah

“I don't know what the beef is between you two, but it ends here and now.”

Wymack @ neil: tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that your a vegetarian and your not fucking scared of him

“Then correct me." "Give me a reason." "Besides the obvious?" Andrew said. "If I can't get an answer from you, I'll get it wherever I can.”

andrew:

“I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing.”

“He wondered for a moment if Andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider.”

“Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.”

this is such a good fucking line like i am shooketh

chapter 9 (aka. neil is, like, really horny for exy)

“Are you stupid?" Seth asked. "Yeah," Neil said.”

what a fuckin MOOD

“Neil had almost forgotten why he liked Exy so much. He did his best at practices but these days he worked mostly to keep his teammates off his back. As Neil surveyed Kevin's damage, he finally felt inspired again. On its heels was a hungry, desperate rush.”

“Seth made as if to throw his beer at Neil. "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.”

sometimes i really wish seth was actually given a chance to have some character development

“ "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought." "Maybe I am," Neil said”

another big fucking MOOD

chapter 10 (aka. shocking: university is hard :/ )

“It's fun telling Kevin no," Andrew said with a wicked grin.”

why is andrew like this omg

betsy probably was like just looking for a chill job and was like “oh cool uni students? ill have to deal with like a lot of anxiety, sexual tension, depression and like confusion about the future, not to bad” but NOPE welcome to the fucking MAFIA WARS

“That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy." "Did you bet against him?" "Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us.”

“I hope you didn't lose much," Neil said.”

god why is he such an asshole at every opportunity i love him

“I can take care of myself," Neil said. "Watch me beam with pride.”

wymack is the best father in the world and you cant convince me otherwise

“There was one for every fall team with schedules printed on each. Neil kept the Exy one, tossed the rest into the trash, and buried his magnet deep in his pocket where he didn't have to look at the dates.”

neil “i only care about exy” josten strikes again with his great school spirit

“Palmetto State was facing Edgar Allan on Friday, October 13th”

that’s such a cliche and i love it

“He detoured around students toward one of Palmetto State's three dining halls. Two were for the general student body. The third was for athletes only”

lmao my school literally has one dining hall and it couldnt give less of a fuck what type of student they’re selling food too as long as they’ll pay $15 for chicken fingers

what kind of money does palmetto state fuckin have

like i get us tuition is a lot but jesus so’s mine and my school couldn’t be less fucked

“It was only the first day of school and he already had three assignments: a short paper, a fifty-page chapter to read, and a page of questions about said chapter. Neil debated for a minute as to which one sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.”

1. MOOD

2. first years are so cute thinking that’s a lot of assignments i remember in first year being like “i have to read 40 pages thats so unfair :(” and now i’m like “ah sick only 200 pgs of readings this week? im gonna have so much free time!”

upper year history sucks ngl

“I'm fine," Neil said.”

neil knows exactly two (2) words and those are it

“You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means.”

overall thoughts:

the plot is pickinnnng upppp

i kind of forget how much world building happens in the first book but like its good

also i love neil literally hating everyone its so funny bc like bby these going to be your best friends just wait

anyways that’s all for now

part 3 will be the rest of tfc and then we’ll move onto trk if you guys still want more of this? let me know

love u all bye

#rereading aftg

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notimetoblog · 6 years ago

Text

Falling

Summary: A broken bone could not lead to anything good, right? Well, maybe Dr. Barnes could change your mind.

A/N: Hi! You guys have been too kind on my last few one-shots! It warms my heart every time I get a notification. This is my entry for @sgtjbuccky 3k challenge. A huge congrats to her. She’s incredibly talented and I just cant say that enough! I chose the DoctorAU! prompt from her list of prompts. I was really excited to write this one, so I hope you enjoy it (its a little long and probably medically inaccurate lol I just couldnt stop) . Thank you so much for reading!

“Son of a—” you shouted.

I bet you can’t skate past that tree, your friend, Pete, had said during one of your constant banters. You had been taking a stroll in a nearby park trying to catch-up after very busy weeks, but his words made you stop suddenly. You felt your competitive side bubble up leading you to rip his skateboard out of his hand convincing yourself that you could prove him wrong. How hard could skateboarding even be? You just pushed yourself with one foot, and then, well you weren’t sure what came after, but it couldn’t be that hard if your smug friend could do it. And that tree wasn’t even that far away. So, you hopped on the skateboard and barely made it past 4 feet when you toppled off it.

“Y/N! Hey, are you ok?” Pete came rushing to your side. Worry very evident on his face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just landed a little funny, is all,” you said, speaking through very sharp pain coming from your right leg. “That was all part of the plan, you know,” you added hoping he couldn’t hear your voice wavering.

You just knew that if you went to get up, your leg wouldn’t support your weight, but you were not about to let him know something had definitely happened to it. Pete wasn’t exactly known for being the best in tense situations.

“Shit, Y/N! I think you broke your leg! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen. That was a stupid thing to say, I shouldn’t have made that bet.”

“Oh quiet,” you replied with an almost sob as he picked you up and sat you down in a nearby bench. “My leg is not broken. I told you, I just landed funny.”

“No, no, you didn’t just land funny. I really think your leg is broken. Come on I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

“The hospital?! Oh please! You’re making this out to be more than it is! Give it a minute and I promise I’ll feel better. Then I can show you my Tony Hawk skills.”

Why wasn’t the pain going away?! Hadn’t it heard you? PETE WAS NOT GOOD IN TENSE SITUATIONS!

“I think that’s just the shock talking,” he said picking you up once more being careful not to move your leg more than necessary. “Let’s get a professional opinion first, and then, if everything really is fine, I’ll put some bubble wrap and padding around you and maybe teach you how to skate before I let you loose again.”

You rolled your eyes at that. You had never once broken a bone on your body. Yes, there was an enormous amount of pain shooting up from your leg that you were trying your best to ignore for Pete’s sake (hehe), but if you had to break a bone once in your lifetime it would be because you had been bouncing off walls after mastering parkour, or after a tragic run of a gymnastics floor routine at the Olympics, not from falling off a skateboard after a dumb bet with your friend!

After setting you down in the passenger seat of his car, Pete rounded the front of the vehicle and opened up his door.

He looked over at you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. This is all my fault.”

Still not accepting your reality, in order to keep your friend calm of course, you repeated to him that your leg was not broken and that he was making this a bigger deal than it really was.

He was not at all convinced, so he pulled out of the parking spot and drove to the nearest hospital.

After arriving at the emergency room of the hospital, a very friendly nurse offered you a wheel chair, noting that Pete was still carrying you around.

“This is just embarrassing, Pete,” you said as you tried to hide your face as he maneuvered you around the waiting area.

“Oh hush, a broken leg isn’t even an embarrassing injury, Y/N. Knowing you, you are lucky you haven’t been in here for something actually embarrassing.”

“My leg is not broken. If anything, I just sprained something,” you responded, knowing that he could most likely see through your weak attempt at convincing him you were fine.

“Y/N Y/L/N?” a voice said. Well that was fast, you thought. Weren’t emergency rooms notorious for the endless amount of waiting people had to do?

Pete wheeled you past the nurse that had called your name and followed her to an examination room at the end of the hall.

“Ok, so what happened?” she asked.

You noticed the ID that hung from her blue scrubs, identifying her as Mary Escobedo.

You explained to Nurse Escobedo what had happened, making sure to sprinkle “My leg is not broken, though,” at least five times throughout your explanation, even though the constant pain in your leg was making it more than obvious that it most likely was. But poor Pete, yeah your denial was for him, would probably faint if they confirmed what you had been fearing.

The nurse began to laugh a little giving a little shake of her head.

“She’s not very good with these kinds of things,” Pete said. “Always turns her back on stressful situations thinking it will make them go away.”

Ok, so maybe it was really you who couldn’t deal very well with stress. But for goodness sake your leg could not be broken!

“We’ll let the doctor decide then,” Nurse Escobedo said with a smile. “He should be in here shortly to take a look. Meanwhile, I’ll give you a little something to help with the pain.”

After administering the pain medication, she left, and you turned to Pete who still sported his worried look. He began to apologize once more, but the sound of the door opening didn’t let him finish.

You had begun to feel the pain medications working and my god, were they so good that it was making you see actual angels? Because whoever was walking in your room certainly fit the bill.

“Damn,” you whispered to Pete who couldn’t hold back his laugh.

“Ms. Y/L/N?” the literal-angel asked.

“Yes,” you replied knowing very well he could’ve said any other last name and you would’ve responded the same way just to get him to stay. “I’m Dr. Barnes, and Nurse Escobedo shared some of what happened, I’ll take a look at your leg to see what the best way to approach it is.”

“No need,” you interjected waving your hand in front of you. “My leg is fine. Doesn’t even hurt.”

Dr. Barnes laughed, “I’m sure the pain meds Nurse Escobedo gave you have nothing to do with that.”

His smile. Pain meds, schpain scdmeds. That smile could make whatever was wrong with your leg go away, you know, if there even was anything wrong with your leg.

“I’ll order some x-rays to decide what type of fracture your leg is suffering from. After that we can better decide what will help your leg heal the best.”

“Thank you for the offer, doc,” you said as you felt your body completely relax at the soothing feeling the meds were bringing. “But, I’m fine, no need for x-rays.”

“Y/N,” Pete whispered, chastising you.

“Yeah?” Dr. Barnes said with a smile. “Well humor me, and then if you’re right I’ll let you two go on with your skateboarding practice. Deal?”

“Fine,” you replied nonchalantly. “But apart from letting me continue pursuing my skateboarding career, you also have to give me an honorary title of Doctor if I’m right, since I can diagnose myself better than you can.”

You heard Dr. Barnes laugh and another chastising whisper of your name from Pete.

Dr. Barnes began wheeling you out of the room and you almost missed his “Those meds are really something” whisper to Pete.

After getting your x-ray, you found yourself back in the examination room with Dr. Barnes and Pete.

“So, it looks like we got an incomplete fracture, here. Your leg is broken but, fortunately the fracture hasn’t fully broken the bone in two. I’m very sorry but your skateboarding career will have to wait a bit,” he said with a charming smile. “And if you want that Doctor title, you’ll have to earn it the traditional way.”

So, you wouldn’t get to make reservations under Doctor Y/L/N. But you would be just as happy making them under Doctor and Missus Barnes, you thought. That man was gorgeous!

“Since we got a fracture, we have to make sure your leg is immobilized to give it time to heal. This means a cast for a few weeks. Also crutches to keep your weight off it.”

“You sure, its broken? I mean it doesn’t look broken,” you said, giving it one last shot because god knows you would probably be miserable with a cast.

“Well, the fracture didn’t cause any rupture to the skin. So, the typical gruesome leg break we usually think about, isn’t visible here. But the x-rays don’t lie, doc.” He said with a laugh that made you melt.

Christ, this doctor was charming. Sure, you may be hyped up on pain meds but one look at Pete convinced you the charm radiating off Dr. Barnes wasn’t all in your head. Pete had the same grin you were sure was plastered on your face.

“So definitely no X Games for me?” you said hoping he could just keep talking to you forever.

He couldn’t hold back his snort.

“Maybe next year,” he said.

---

A couple of weeks after your original examination with Dr. Barnes you were on your way back to the hospital for a check-up. You had been struggling with the cast and crutches, but you knew you shouldn’t complain. It could’ve been much worse or more humiliating like Pete had mentioned.

Pete had told you all about the way you had spoken to Dr. Barnes and you had begged him to stop not being able to deal with the intense blush that rose to your cheeks. You couldn’t believe you had babbled on like that to a doctor! My god, you had told him you could do his job better than him!

But still, part of you wanted him to be the doctor providing the check-up, because if he was as gorgeous as those meds had made him seem, then you were in for a treat. Another part of you, though, wished it could be a different doctor just so you wouldn’t be reminded of all the things you had said that day.

You sat again in a similar examination room chatting with Pete, who was just as excited to see who the doctor would be. If he hadn’t sworn off betting with you after you had broken your leg, he would’ve definitely wagered at least $20 on Dr. Barnes being your doctor again. Your conversation with him, though, stopped suddenly as you heard the door open.

“Well, hello again colleague,” Dr. Barnes greeted you as he walked, no strutted, into the room.

My god, those meds hadn’t clouded your mind as much as you had thought. The man was completely gorgeous in his white coat. Everything about him was completely unfair. From his crystal clear blue eyes, to his chocolate colored hair, and how could you look past those toned arms, practically bulging out of his sleeve! How could anybody let him treat patients when he was probably causing many of them heart problems with just one look at him.

“Hi,” you said softly. Being pain meds free, meant you weren’t as confident as you had been, so you would definitely not be sharing your thoughts as freely as before. You heard Pete chuckle behind you. That jerk probably knew why you were being so quiet.

“How has the simple life treated you? I know you were devastated I couldn’t let you go through pursuing your passion.”

Could the floor open up and eat you up like right now? You would miss looking at Dr. Barnes but, come on, you would probably see him every night in your dreams, so you would be ok.

“Sorry about that,” you said looking down. “Nurse Escobedo gave me the good stuff.”

He laughed his gorgeous laugh.

“No worries,” he said. “We’ll just check out how your leg is doing. Let me know if you’ve had any problems with the cast, apart from the discomfort it probably brought.”

You were relatively quiet for the rest of your appointment trying your best not to make more of a fool out of yourself in front of this perfect man. If you opened your mouth you weren’t sure whether or not you would be able to control whatever came out of it. You were almost positive he seemed a little disappointed at the silence, but you couldn’t allow yourself to think too much about it because you knew it could get you into trouble. The good kind of trouble, probably, but still trouble!

---

“Can I get a small black coffee, please?” You ordered your drink in one of your favorite coffee places. Your leg had completely healed, thanks to the great care Dr. Barnes had provided, so you had been cast-free for a few weeks after almost two months stuck with that thing.

“Sure thing,” the barista taking your order said writing your name on the cup she had grabbed for you.

You walked over to the pick-up section and pulled out your phone from your bag. Scrolling through Twitter seemed like your go-to action when you were waiting for something. All your attention was put on this Buzzfeed article you had found.

Want to know what type of breakfast food you are? Uhh.. what kind of question is that!? Of course, you did!

“Black coffee for Y/N!”

Your head snapped up from the very informative quiz you were working on at the sound of your name and you went to pick up your coffee. You had been more than ready for coffee, but as you turned you almost dropped your precious cargo.

“Hi,” Dr. Barnes said as he stood right in front of you with his trademark charming smile. “I heard your name being called and I thought it would be too much of a coincidence to run into you here, but look, here you are.”

This man would be the death of you. How could a human being be this enchanting?

“Umm, yeah here I am,” you said unable to think of anything better to say.

“Coffee for Bucky!” the barista called from behind you making you jump.

“Excuse me,” Dr. Barnes said as he worked his arm past you to pick up the coffee that had just been placed on the counter behind you. He was so close, and it was totally unfair! “That’s me,” he said.

“You didn’t tell them your actual name is Dr. Barnes?” you asked, feeling hyped up again, this time not on meds, though, but on his sheer presence.

He rewarded you with a chuckle that reminded you why you had willed yourself to stay quiet on your second, and subsequent, examinations. You couldn’t stay calm around him when he was so casually chuckling and charming you with his smile.

“Nah,” he said with a teasing glint evident in his eyes. “That’s only for strictly professional occasions. You know, where you can’t really say what you’re thinking.”

Holy crap! Was this guy serious?!?!

“Right,” you whispered not trusting yourself to speak any louder.

“We should probably move out of the way, though,” he said. “We’re kind of blocking everybody picking up their orders.”

“Right,” you said a bit louder.

“Are you in a rush?” he asked as the two of you walked away from the pick-up counter to the nearby table with sugars and creamers.

Was he? Was he really going to do what you thought?

“I see an open table right there,” he said pointing to a small round table towards the back of the coffee place. “If you’re not too busy I could maybe share some of the thoughts I’ve been holding back, you know, now that I’m just Bucky,” he said, looking around the room and his voice growing smaller as his sentence went on.

What was that? He had a shy, soft side too?!? You ran through the mental checklist you had been keeping on him.

-A Doctor. Check!

-Handsome. Triple Check!

-Funny. Check!

-Kind. Check!

And for goodness sake,

-Completely adorable. Check!!!!!

How could you say no to HIM!

“I’m not busy,” you said as a smile appeared on your lips.

“You sure I’m not keeping you from practice?”

Oh god, of course he would bring that up.

“No,” you chuckled. “A very stubborn doctor put an end to that dream.”

“I’m sure he had his reasons.”

He began leading the way to the empty table he had spotted. You sat across for him and could barely control your heart. He probably didn’t need his stethoscope to hear the erratic beating of your heart.

“So, Bucky?” you wondered aloud. “I don’t think I’ve heard that name before.”

“Well, it’s more of a nickname. My first name is actually James. Middle name Buchanan, so my friends shortened my middle name and it stuck.”

“It’s cute,” you said before you could stop yourself.

“Thanks,” he said with the cutest blush spreading up his face. Definitely matched the cuteness of his name. “I--- umm--- I’m really glad I ran into you. I kind of couldn’t stop wondering how you were doing. Its been a while since you last stopped by, so I couldn’t help but be curious at what antics you were getting yourself and your poor friend into.”

You almost giggled at the way he said “friend”. Not really hiding the fact that he was hoping Pete was really just a friend.

“Pete? Oh please, he was the one who got me into this mess in the first place. Not really a good friend seeing that he got me to break my leg,” you said hoping you had it clear who Pete was to you. “And no antics, he’s promised me not to place any bets that could lead to more emergency room visits. Although, maybe I wouldn’t mind another visit, seeing as I met you there.”

That sudden surge of courage caught you off guard, but you mentally high-fived yourself for taking the chance.

Bucky’s eyes seemed to light up immediately as he processed what you had just said. You saw his usual charming smile change into the hottest smirk you’d ever seen.

“No need to hurt yourself. Why don’t we just schedule more frequent appointments outside of the hospital. We don’t have to call them appointments, though, maybe we can just stick to calling them dates?”

You couldn’t help but get closer to him, leaning forward on the table. You could play this game, too. In fact, you had started it.

“Sounds like a plan, doc,” you said. “Should I page Dr. Barnes tomorrow night?”

“How about tonight instead? Need to make sure my favorite patient doesn’t have a lot of time alone to break another bone.”

“Alright,” you said with a charming smile of your own. You pulled out a pen from your bag and grabbed his coffee cup scribbling your number. “I’ll see you tonight then, Bucky.”

“It’s a date,” he said with a wink as you got up from the table.

You walked out of the coffee place and you felt his eyes on you until you walked out the door. Your phone buzzed, and you hoped your guess on who was texting was right.

Can’t wait -Bucky

You probably shouldn’t run seeing how you were swooning over Bucky and all his charm and you REALLY did not want to break another bone, but you had to find the greatest friend in the whole world, Pete, to tell him about everything that had just happened.

Tonight couldn’t come fast enough. You would surely have to mentally prepare for what would most likely be a great time with the most handsome doctor you’d ever seen, but if he took care of you the way he had taken care of your leg, you knew you were in good hands. Falling from the skateboard had been no fun, but the possibility of falling for Bucky seemed more than fun, it seemed perfect.

---

Bucky Tags!

@camillechan @just-add-butter @buckyisthepuresthuman @faunacea @carry-on-my-fandom @creideamhgradochas @sixweekcure4dreams @verycoolveryunique @dugan365 @sold-my-soul-in-2016

Its summer time!!! Still got work but I def have more time to practice my writing!

#sgtjbuccky3kcelebration #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fanfiction #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky x reader #Doctor!Bucky #Doctor!AU #bucky one shot #stories by notimetoblog

837 notes · View notes

garethito · 6 years ago

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You know... I've been meaning to ask you about this for a while, and yesterday's tag thing that you did with those Bale gifs only like... fueled? My curiosity? Lol, if that makes sense. Could you like... relive? The Champions League final from this year for us? Like, your perspective on it? Or maybe even the actual whole day of the final? Sorry, God, I know this is weird, but I just love how you tell stories from your life! I have seen you do it with some other anons once!

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this like, you guys always send me such interesting questions and Im so??? and OMG no this is not weird stop this is such a wonderful question to ask!! And omg you liked how I told the stories to those anons that is so sweet thank you so muchhhhh ❤️❤️💝❤️💘💘💞💞💘

But also this is making me really emotional I dont think I will be able to write this without tearing up but here we go!!! I was at school today and we had a special day so we didnt make any classes, so I had time to formulate an answer to this, and to complete it at home 💞

Quick WARNING?? Yes I am perfectly aware of how crazy and overdramatic this whole story sounds, but the thing is that this is how I truly feel about this day in my life. So yeah lol. Football is basically my life!

I would like to start this by saying that the day of the 26th of May 2018 is the most important day of my entire life as a football fan. There is nothing that could even come close to this. Absolutely nothing. Never in my life have I cried like in that night. Never. Absolutely never. I have looked at my life as a person, at my hardest times, when I cried a lot, but not even that can even slightly compare to the amount of crying that I have done on that glorious day of May 7 months ago. When I say crying, though, I dont actually mean crying, no. I mean violently sobbing, screaming at the top of my lungs, shaking and feeling numb. But in the best way possible, the happiest tears that I ever shedded.

My actual perspective, like you said, though, starts from the 2nd of May, a day after our semi-final second leg against Bayern. From that day, until the 26th, my mind, my body, my soul only thought about the final. I could not even focus on the Clasico on the 6th, neither on the last La Liga match. I was so fucking nervous, words are not sufficient to describe….. At least once every 2-3 days I would go to the bathroom with severe stomach aches and sit there until I would try to calm myself down so that my grandmother wouldnt get worried. I thank God, the Universe, or whoever you think invented life for the fact that highschool had nothing special during that period, just a few tests, that I got the best grades on, because had there been something big, I would have surely failed. That was a nightmare. Just think about it. Horrible La Liga season, then those fucking shaky as fuck second leg matches against Juve AND Bayern. I was literally so pessimistic that I am scaring myself right now thinking about it. All these bad scenarios played through my head ”What if Zizou loses his job? What if this will be the start of our downfall? What if this is the last Champions League final we will play? What if, what if, what if….”. I always tried to tell my brain how stupid I was, that we are Real Madrid and that we will win, like we always do, that we are the best fucking team in the Universe and that nobody even comes close to being like us. But its like these voices in my head wouldnt stop, it was so scary.

Come 25th of May I was an actual lifeless corpse. No matter how much I tried to call my best friend, who was in Bulgaria at that time, and telling her that I cant take this anymore, and her telling me that its going to be okay like it always is, that she doesnt really know my team well but she knows we will win, no matter how much of that was happening, I couldnt fucking stop being nervous and constantly thinking about this match.

On the morning of the 26th I woke up with a severe headache at about 8:30-9 AM. The only things that I remember from that whole day are the constant empty feeling, the amount of times I listened to Hala Madrid Y Nada Mas and the amount of pictures, videos, promotional/support videos I saw and watched. I called my friend one last time and I told her that now I am optimistic, that we will win.

My whole emotional state was ruined, however, by Gareth not starting. I dont need to explain the whole February-May Gaz-Zizou situation because I think everyone knows it too well by now and what I fucking felt about it. I have never been so enraged in my entire life. After all he has done, still no place in the starting XI. Though, this is pretty much the only thing that has ever angered me about Zizou. I love that man too much, I dont think there will ever be a coach that will ever come close to him, a coach that I will ever love as much as I loved him, but this whole situation really, really angered me. As I said, not going to get into details, I think that is enough. Though, I tried to only focus on my hardly achieved positivity about the match.

The match started and my emotional state reached its lowest point. I couldnt take it anymore, I felt impossibly sick from being so nervous, I got the most severe migraine ever, my eyes were literally about to pop out ugh again, remembering that gives me chills. Dani got injured, and I got angry again, because he didnt deserve it, the World Cup was literally about to start like God give this man a break!!!

Halftime at 0-0, my optimism grew, believe it or not. I felt like we will have more urgency in the second half and that we will win this.

The second half came, with me just desperately hoping for a goal. Because we were playing so well, we deserved a reward!! And it did come, with Benzemas goal, God I felt so relieved and happy. I have seen people saying that his goal was not good but? You literally take everything that is being offered to you in a Champions League final! He scored, he gave us a goal, we were 1-0 up, and I was literally screaming from joy, I was shaking so much and I was the proudest person alive. God, I love my team. Then, Liverpools equalizer came. I didnt think anything of it. I wouldnt get rid of my optimism. I was looking at my boys and I knew we would win.

And Oh My God, here we fucking go.

Minute 61. Gareth comes on. I was so grateful that he at least got to play 30 minutes, I literally only wanted to see him. At that time, considering everything that was happening, I was already emotionally starting to prepare for his departure to another team. I was watching him in those moments, flashbacks through my mind of all the glorious times I got to see him, all of his goals, everything.

And then…

All of a sudden…

62:58

That moment. The moment in which my soul has definitely left my body. The most beautiful moment I have ever lived in watching football. The moment in which I was the proudest person alive. A moment I will never, ever, ever forget, for as long as I get to live. The moment I have literally seen history being made, right before my eyes. The moment in which I literally evaporated, left the Earth, idk how to explain this but I hope you understand me. My idol, that had suffered so much that season, scored a fucking bicycle kick in a FUCKING UCL FINAL. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. The happiest, most full of joy, best, most emotional moment. Ever. No exaggeration.

My perspective on this? Oh well, brace yourselves. If you think everything that I have written so far seems insane, get ready for this.

I was on my bed, watching the game, shaking. I saw the passes, beautiful passes, that ended up with Marcelo controling the ball (incredibly, as he always does, my Brazilian sunshine). I saw him swaying to the side, and then passing a high, aerial ball in the box. Gareth came up to meet it, with… a scissor kick. That he scored. I literally fucking exploded like there is no other word. I jumped off my fucking bed and I ran literally across the house and came back, making the most inhuman noises ever I swear. I came back to my bedroom and I collapsed on the floor and I literally started fucking bawling my eyes out, and even that seems like an understatement. Screaming at the top of my lungs, bawling my eyes out, literally all of it happening on the floor. My grandmother literally came in and she thought something happened to me, but then I just pointed to the screen and she understood lmao. And from that point onward I cannot say anything anymore, because I dont remember anything else but me on the floor, literally. After like 15 minutes I hardly even managed to get back on the bed, and guess what?

82:41

AGAIN.

???? I dont know what to say anymore. Like he literally toyed with everyone that night, he didnt care about anything. Again, with a pass from Marcelo, he literally goes from FAR FAR FAR away and he shoots and… scores?? How much do you think my poor fragile self can handle? Like, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU SAY TO THAT?? Except for bawling your eyes out even more, if thats even possible? Its been 7 months and I still dont have words for what happened that night, like 2 goals ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? LIKE DO YOU UNDERSTAND I WAS LITERALLY DEAD LIKE ??? I LOST EVERY SINGLE BIT OF MY SANITY THAT NIGHT. 2 goals, 2 goals in 20 minutes, he was about to get a fucking hattrick. A fucking HATTRICK IN HALF AN HOUR, but Karius unfortunately stopped that shot.

The match ended and… I dont remember anything other than barely seeing the screen, I literally had a blurred vision.

We fucking won it. We DID IT. THE DECIMOTERCERA WAS OURS.

In the moment in which Sergio lifted it I… I dont have words, did I go into another Universe, did I ascend, did my soul leave my body I dont even know but what I do know is that I spent the rest of the night, up until like 6AM, crying my heart out. And this is what I mean by ”I have never cried so much in my entire life”. Like I have never spent a whole night crying.

I went to bed at like 6:30, woke up at like.. 10?? I think you can imagine how I woke up, I literally felt like I was going to die but I spent the rest of the day catching up on everything that happened the entire night.

And then, of course, the celebrations, Cibeles, Bernabeu… of course your sensitive girl bawled her eyes out again lol!

Every day ever since it happened, I have always been thinking about this day. About all of it. No point in counting how many times I rewatched the goals lol! But I think you can imagine haha 💘

So yeah, this is pretty much it DSLKFDKJFKDFJKDFK. The story about my best ever day of watching football I made it unecessarily long (Im so sorry). I think the only conclusion that I can get from this is Hala Madrid Y Gareth Y Nada Mas lol! 💘💘

#asks #Anonymous #gareth bale #real madrid

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tumblunni · 6 years ago

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HI EVERY BODY AAAA

Gonna try and make a quick half weekly update maybe probably! Sorry that i've only been emailing a few people so far, i have to wait a week to get a library card so i can use the library email service. So i've just been running around trying to catch wild wifi wherever it may be, and then kinda failing so i used up some of my mobile data. And i need to ration that throughout the month so i was gonna try sending only weekly emails but then some people sent me emails so i had to reply and then i was like OH NO i am neglecting the everyone else AAAAA

So umm anyway im on mobile data right now and i cant really browse the tumbl cos images and stuff really burn it up. But i can make this one post!! Yay!! Aaa!!

Umm okay maybe i'll make a second post with Big Rambling About What's Happen, for now i kinda need to make a Dumb Ask For Money Time.

I feel so damn guilty cos i havent even finished paying back the 20 bucks some friends leant me two weeks ago for groceries, cos there was all the stress of moving and i just COMPLETELY FORGOT until it was too late and im already here aaaa! And then i was stupid yesterday and i gave all my money to a homeless guy out in the rain. Like i know i should be calling myself stupid cos it was reckless and i didnt think about taking care of myself also, but like i dont think it was stupid cos that guy needed it more than i did. He actually gave me a hug! I felt so bad, like man nobody must have been donating to him if he got so emotional over just that much! I wished i could have given more!! He was stuck in RAIN nobody was helping him in the RAIN what the hell sort of monsters are they?! It was like the windiest rainstorm all year so far! Shop displays were flying out the doors and people were getting beaned in the head with acorns and stuff! This dude had nothing to his name except a lil not very waterproof looking sleeping bag!! It was hard enough to stay out of the rain just as a regular shopping person, imagine how hard it must be to try and find a place to sleep rough when there's all stupid cops chasing you away from anywhere visible because 'blah blah blah tourism we have the army recruitment rally today'. BOOO! there was a goddamn actual tank up at a historic monument of pre-britain celtic civilization and im just like wow fuck you how dare you market this to literal schoolchildren on a summer trip. Anyway i'm going offtopic, what's really important is the SECOND homeless person that i didnt have enough money to help because i gave it all to the first guy. He was an elderly veteran with a missing arm! SO MANY PEOPLE STUCK OUT IN THE DAMN RAIN INCLUDING FORMER SOLDIERS, GOD FUCK U SO MUCH ARMY. Umm anyway so yeah "bunni it is reckless to throw all your money at a stranger and keep none for grocery" NO it is reckless because what if you find another stranger who EVEN MORE needs it more than i do!!!!

Anyway i've been rambling a lot but i just thought that wtf it probably sounds fake to say 'oh i gave all my money to someone in trouble' that sounds like im boasting about my humbleness somehow. So yeah there's a Detailed Ramble that hopefully proves it i guess?? But yeah i have no money now until the 28th. Whoops. Luckily i dont need as much money while im here at the mental hospital cos i eat most meals at the shared kitchen and you have a 4 bucks a week allowance to buy additional supplies. They said i can get the juice i like, cos im stupidly picky and struggle taking my pills with plain water. And i have a bus pass now! A surprise benefit of being hospital'd! The picture on it looks TERRIBLE, i wish i could show you guys! And of course i dont have to pay gas bills here. So all the biggest money pains are gone! But then i've been signed up for two classes each week that are like two towns away and really early in the morning with me probably only getting back at 2pm cos of the travel time. And i wont have free food there, im not allowed to take anything out of the shared kitchen even if its a lunchbox or somethin. So i kinda just need some spare money so i can grab a sandwich or something in the supermarket along the way. And of course there's the fact its just damn hard to kill your boredom in a place like this, so aaa i wish i could buy some cheap books from the thrift store or something. And then there's the biggest ludicrous temptation of there being a BUILD A BEAR WORKSHOP NEAR THE HOSPITAL!! AAAAAAAA!! With the new pokemon collection!! Alola vulpix!! I'm not gonna ask for donations for that, obviously, but i just wanted to tell you cos its AWESOME and its frustrating i have to go past it on this bus route. My goal is to get you by the end of the month, lil snowy friend!!!

SO YEAH SORRY IM GETTING OFFTOPIC HERE I JUST WANNA TELL YOU ABOUT EEEEEVERYTHINGGGGG

Short version: I don't really have a specific amount i'm asking for, im just gonna keep this paypal pool open for the first month and like if you can spare any change it would really help! The help bunni get adjusted to new and terrifying live in hospital strangeness fund! Because bunni was an idiot and gave away all their money on the first damn day! Gahhh!! Okay so seriously if you have anything to spare and ONLY if you have it to spare, i would really appreciate your help. Even if its just 1 dollar/pound/other local currency of which you own! I will hug you greatly!! And if you wanna be added to the weekly email updates list then my email is [email protected] and i would super apprecoate keeping in touch! And if anyone wants to be pokemon go friends i will try and send you gifts everyday!! I need 3 more friends for a quest milestone lol.

OKAY IM TALKING TOO MUCH AAA

For to help the bunn, go the here! And umm lol if you want to signal boost then feel free to just take that link and make your own post thats way damn shorter than this nonsense, lol. I JUST MISS YOU ALL SO MUCHHHH

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