#i cant take anything seriously

[r0tt3n-ruzt]

Simpbur steals your right kidney

simpbur steals gn!readers kidney. i made this out of rage I'm normal i swear. first fic here what a great start

i blame @lillyspeakz don't hate me

not beta read we die like men

You lived a boring life, you spent boring hours in boring college classes learning boring things. It was really nothing new, new was rare once in a blue moon type of chance. You woke up, went to classes, went home and slept, but now for once something changed, you didn't wake up in your bed with warm blankets covering you. Instead it all felt cold, freezing even. As you sat up the feeling of sleep quickly washed away being replaced by panic as you realized where you were.

The tub's sides were slippery and the ice you were submerged in burned in a way, most of your body felt numb, a small tingling irritating your skin and flesh. The world around you started to spin as pure fear took over your senses clouding your train of thought, it looked like your bathroom, your soaps, towels, everything was right there as you'd last left it, well kinda, as you looked down towels were messily placed all over the bathroom flooring. Then you saw it, a pile of clothing that belonged to you, the clothes you wore to sleep last night. At least the top. When you looked down your nice sweatpants were still on. Every detail of the situation felt hard to process jumping from one to the other to piece together what was happening to you.

The ice covered most of your lower body, god was it hard to move much. Not just from the slippery cold ice but from a horrid drowsy feeling that kept you sitting down in that tub. Your head snapped around as you heard the door to the bathroom being opened, in came Wilbur, a classmate of yours. He was an odd one to say the least, he had his own friends his own hobbies his own things to do yet it always felt like he was watching you, side glares at you while talking to his friends, always visiting the same places as you during lunch break, which wouldn't sound so odd considering he brought his friends usually , who would bring a group of people with them to go stalking?

Using that logic you brushed it off until you started seeing him in the halls, going the same way as you on campus when you knew for a fact his classes were elsewhere, seeing him around town, in the library, the route you use to get to the university, maybe one more coincidence might of given your dumb brain the ability to realize something was wrong, deeply wrong. And now you were here, in a bathtub of ice and your classmate of one actual class staring down at you with tired eyes.

He looked exhausted and ready to get this over with. His eyebrows raised when he saw you were awake. Wilbur cleared his throat gently, kicking the door closed behind him. “Ah, your uh, awake” he said meekly talking as if this was a whole different situation, maybe like if he'd made dumb joke on a first introduction or met you in the library alone, not the culprit of whatever the fuck was happening. You opened your lips to speak yet nothing came out, what could you say in a situation like this? Throw a “fuck you” at the man who had more of an advantage than you? You were stupid at times yea but in a predicament like this you had to find some logic in the cavity of a skull you had.

But now isn't the time to be insulting anything, not you nor the man who just stood there awkwardly like he was waiting for you to say something, he probably was but as the second went by he realized you'd decided to keep your words to yourself. In response he just shrugged it off walking over to pick up a box from on the sink counter. Wilbur held the box in both hands before looking back at you taking a deep breath in before speaking “listen uhm I'm sorry?” his words sounded oh so very sincere, with a mere shrug going with it for extra effect. With wide eyes staring at him you took only a moment before managing a few words. “What.. what did you do??” you asked, your question turning from quite to expressive with each word.

Wilbur just stared at you for a moment like he was in thought, maybe even a bit shocked. He looked you up and down before his face turned back to a tired expression this time seeming a bit forced. Maybe to make himself look more intimidating? Who knows, but he cleared his throat once again and with slight hesitation began to speak. “ I removed your right kidney, if you didn't notice the stitches on your body. Might want to clean those everyday. I'm not a professional.”  this, this had to be some kind of joke right? “You removed my what?!” you yelled out, this had finally prompted you to try and pry yourself out from the ice and as he said, there it was, a scar, poorly stitched up right on your side.

“As I had said, I removed your right kidney while you were sleeping.” this whole thing felt so unreal, there was no way he actually did that, right? But there was the scar, the box, and ice. A reality you didn't, no couldn't even imagine to have happened to you. It crushed you, that feeling of panic from before seeping back in stronger than before, not like you calmed down at all during this but it felt like a new kind of panic, more intense, as the horrors of the reality of the situation earned tears to begin collecting and calling from your eyes, Wilbur groaned rolling his eyes like this was some kind of annoyance to him, an inconvenience that he had to put up with.

“No no no, why are you crying? It's not like you're going to die, it's just one kidney you got two right? Just change up that soda diet of yours and you should be fine.” he spoke so casually of this like it was some normal thing, like he didn't break into your house and steal an entire organ. You couldn't speak let alone think anymore, tears streaming down your face in horror of what was happening. A disgusted look on Wilbur's face only added to it all. “You know you're being quite rude here, I have like.. A headache and your whining is really not helping man that's not very poggers"

Wilbur looked down at you once more before turning around facing the door. “I have to go uhm don't tell anyone or you know or else?” he looked back for a second just staring at you, he got more annoyed this time letting it get him. “Listen, I need it okay? You have your other one go use that, cutting back on some shit isn't the end of the world.” and with that he turned again leaving you in the bathroom to sulk before you could even say anything, leaving you alone in a cold, empty room, with only one kidney. What was he going to do with it? Probably sell it on eBay. He needs the money. The economy has been shit ok?

[sugawhaaa]

I literally just changed my entire page aesthetic like 2 days ago but I'm thinking abt changing it to be like...Christmas-e because...I'm a hoe for Christmas so let's vote 💪

[trulybutnotyours]

ARTED!!

[no-dick-no-balls]

Guess who just found out swwsdj has either a very long or infinite text limit on the name?

[lilythepostman]

MC Headcannons

Since obey me is getting big with the new game coming out, I wanted to share the headcannons I made for my MC when I played obey me shall we date,,, I'd keep a running list of everything I thought of while playing the game

- Laughs Everytime someone says the school's acryonym is RAD

- Only wears fun socks with her uniform, Lucifer is not impressed, Diavolo is.

- has too much fun taking notes in class

- Asks Diavolo to put on the Cha Cha slide during a ball

- constantly making confused eye contact with Solomon whenever something happens

- asks Solomon to turn Mammon into a Llama for 'Scientific Kuzco purposes'

- Refers to making pacts as joining the club, also makes them learn a handshake (they get to add their own step!!)

- When she needs something from one of them, she will burst into the room they're in and declare an unofficial club meeting

- "Has anyone seen my comb? Or was that not sent when I was randomly teleported from the human world with no notice or time to prepare" *stares at lucifer, expressionless*

- "So... What tie color do I get? Is there like a chart or do I have to match?" The final decision was Forest Green

- "How did you make so many pacts?"

"That is a VERY good question. I want to say it's my dazzling personality and witty humor but I don't think they'd agree."

- "So you listen to my orders?"

"Yes, to a point "

"But, I can make you do stuff you don't usually do, right?"

"...yes."

"Okay, perfect. Do a cartwheel, please."

"Excuse me?"

"Do a cartwheel, please. I don't think you can do one and I'd like to be proven wrong."

[inlovewithgee]

the other day I was super fucking bored and also in the shower so I thought I would do the most random thing possible. so I moaned in a sexual way. and burst out laughing

[mipexch]

I WAS MADE FOR YOU // YOU WERE MADE FOR ME

[putterphubase]

We will be inseparable like this and won't go anywhere, right?

THE TIME OF FEVER (2024).

[welcometogrouchland]

(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.

Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!

[is-this-yuri]

btw since i am actually homeless now and the holidays are over i guess i should put a donation link here. you don't have to give me any money! i know how to live for free. it would just help me be more comfortable

things i'll spend money on in priority order:

- gas for my car (this will keep me from getting towed and get me to therapy and case management appointments)

- food and water (only if i run out of food stamps, or the occasional hot food treat)

- extra blankets and clothes for the winter (it's pretty warm so i might not need this)

- laundry

i don't really like the idea of asking for money since i do in fact have plenty of experience with this situation. i've lived in my car for two and a half years total now, and i know if i'm lucky i can survive this way for a long, long time. a little extra cash will just keep me sane and for sure safe without needing to get lucky. so, if you do throw something my way i will appreciate it! it will make my life easier for sure. but, if you'd rather give your money to someone who needs it more (including yourself), i don't mind at all.

there's no monthly rewards or anything, but for a bit of fun bonus, anyone who donates will get to see my face reveal

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

Once my boyfriend ranted to me about how idw was sanitizing the transformers because in tfa they looked more cartoony and he wanted to fuck the tfa characters so bad and he regularly jerks it to tfa porn, he's seen every tfa megasound and wavewave valveplug art on the internet. He also hates tfp because it got tfa cancelled

I agree with him. I need to fuck tfa characters NOW

While I can't exactly share the sentiment of hating tfp (ratchet is my fuckign boyfriend) or idw (from what I've seen so far it's a lot of very well written stories and we have semicanon porn), I too think we all should get WAY hornier about tfa. The cartoonish style lends itself to more expressive characters and to my autistic ass that's the sexiest quality someone can possess. Its also super varied with the body types, which, as I have mentioned, is Unbelievably Fucking Hot.

[dnpg-hiatus-survivor]

alright phannies, i saw the news (phil’s insta story)

it seems that we are going to be cursed to deal with dan’s whiny ass instead of blessed with homoerotic yaoi. phil stopped the count early.

however, after all of this, i just wanna say one thing. i am proud of us. we fought for what we believe in. waking up and seeing how many votes had gone to phil in such a short amount of time was truly life changing. i felt pure joy, and nothing is going to take that away.

and this? this isn’t over. we waited five years for another upload. you think we won’t wait another five more? phil WILL become the golden pig one day. we will keep fighting. every day we will remind those two idiots of two things: ittp2 and phil for the golden pig.

thank you phannies for bringing such amazing awareness to this very valid cause. together we can change the world 🙏

[mudkipper]

I see him everywhere (wistful sigh)

[casualavocados]

Why did you do it? I don't know what you're talking about. I was drunk that night, and you told me you would always look at me— You want to get back at me, right?

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 09

[haloheadhater]

Day 4: Transformation

[puppyeared]

man